#is it possible to hyperfixate on someone but in a being angry with them way

[periphrasis]

call me a gay dog cuz i had the twin fantasy relationship and it made me unable to eat without feeling sick for literal months

[theheelerhouse]

Autistic Littles!

Hello there! This post is for caregivers who care for littles who are autistic. Here's some ways to help with meltdowns or times when autism is being meaner than usual! (All from my personal experience as someone with autism! Not everyone is the same!)

First, let's start with some of the possible warning signs of a meltdown! 1. Sensory Issues worse than usual -> Textures may be described as "wrong" or "bad" -> Things may be perceived as louder than they actually are -> Things may be perceived as brighter than they actually are -> Room feels like it's closing in around you 2. May become more irritable -> May be more prone to snapping or having an attitude -> Could possibly be described as more "stubborn" 3. Trouble communicating -> Being non-verbal for a prolonged amount of time -> Trouble expressing feelings or emotions -> Could also speak faster than usual or slower than usual -> Saying things like "I don't know what's wrong" or "I can't figure out what's happening" 4. Difficulty taking care of self -> Forgetting to eat/not wanting to -> Not sleeping as they normally would -> Not having the motivation or energy to do basic tasks 5. Isolation -> This is a big warning sign! -> Not wanting to go out/leave the house/leave their room -> Struggling when they do leave their space 6. Increase in stimming (whether super noticeable stims, or more passive ones) -> Hand flapping, rocking, mouth popping, hair fidgeting, fidgeting with hands, etc These are some of the possible warning signs, but everyone is different. Now, here's some ways you can help a little experiencing this.

~Be patient and understanding. Autism can be scary outside of littlespace, but it can be scarier when little. Try not to get angry or frustrated. ~Avoid yelling or any other loud noises ~Don't force them to talk or communicate. Sometimes it's better to just have someone there ~Listen if they do try and communicate their needs. ~Going along with the one above, but don't feel hurt or like you did something wrong if they ask to be left alone or tell you they need space. Sometimes having someone around is too much and they might just need to process their emotions on their own. ~Communicate on ways to help once the meltdown seems to subside ~Remember that everyone is different. What you've seen work for someone might not work for someone else. It varies (which is why communication is good) ~Try to give suggestions if sensory issues is something that's a main struggle ("Try changing into comfy clothes" "Try a different blanket" "Turn off the TV?" "Turn off the lights?") Just trying to figure out what helps and what doesn't ~Offer a distraction if that's what they need (Ask about hyperfixations, even if you already know the answers to the questions. One of the good ones for me that always seems to come up is dinosaurs <3)

Remember: It's okay if something you do doesn't help. That's how you learn and you know not to do that thing next time. It's okay <3 You're doing great

[bisexualiteaa]

Burning Love

Benny x Fem Courier Six (Smut!! Also fluff and slight angst)

CW: NSFW MDNI! Mutual pining, slight OOC Benny, slight deviation from the game, black widow dialogue, established friendship, enemies to friends then friends to lovers, flirting, dirty talk, perverted thoughts, P in V, p0rn with some plot, unprotected seggs, 0ral (male and female receiving) praise, cursing, mentions of alcohol, briefly proofread, possible grammar/spelling errors

AN: Hey everyone! I’m back with some more content! It’s a little different than the usual Cooper Content ™️ I usually put out but it’s still Fallout themed. I wanted to try my hand at writing for Benny from New Vegas and allow some of my other character hyperfixations to have a moment in the spotlight to shine! I’m still rather new to Fallout in general, and especially to New Vegas so please be kind and patient with me if I have some things wrong, I’m still learning! 🥺 I know this wasn’t an ask from anyone, and I will be getting to those as I can! Writers block has been absolutely dreadful lately so I hope y’all can understand, I’ve only just started to come out from the hole and try to write when the days are good 😭 But I hope y’all dig this piece! Enjoy, and happy reading! 🥰

Taglist: @expirednukacola

This was bad. This was really, really bad. At least that’s what he proceeded to tell himself over and over internally as he paced around his room. Just what was it that was so bad? So bad that it left Benny Gecko, the head chairman, in a bind? You. You; the courier that he executed once upon a time for simply being at the wrong place at the wrong time. You; who just so happened to somehow actually be alive despite a bullet being discharged into your skull. You; who had come to the strip months ago on your journey through the Mojave, siding up with him and becoming his business partner. You; who not only managed to become his best friend, but now held a place in his heart as something more. How could he let all this messiness happen? There was a rule in business where you never allow yourself to get involved with the people you work with, especially when you were someone who was as powerful as Benny. Yet you were all he could ever think about. You were his inspiration and guidance in trying and gain power over all the factions, you were the reason why the Legion no longer stood in his way. You were his right hand through everything, there for his every plan, there to help in the execution of them no matter what it could cost. You were loyal, beyond that, you were a confidant and a friend.

It took him ages to finally put the pieces together leading up to this moment. To finally understand why he would feel so disgusted watching Swank flirt with you, or so angry when someone would threaten you. He knew you could handle yourself, you were your own person, independent and deserving to live how you wished. Hell there had been many occasions where, had it not been for you, he likely wouldn’t have made it out alive. When you saved him from the Legion, that’s when he finally saw it. Seeing him down on his knees before you, giving you the perfect opportunity to take your revenge if you wanted to for him killing you back then. You could have murdered him in cold blood, leaving him to the radroaches and feral ghouls like he did to you once. But you didn’t, instead you showed him mercy. You *saved* him. Something he wasn’t sure anyone else aside from his body guards, would have done for him had they been in your shoes. Since that day, it’s been all he could do to pry the thoughts of you from his brain. By day, you were always by his side, and at night you were always on his mind. How was he supposed to be able to work like this? Fuck, how was he supposed to tell you? Should he tell you? He wasn’t sure. But he supposed it was too late to back out now seeing as you were on your way up to his suite.

His heart jumped in his chest upon hearing the knock on his door, a signal that let him know it was his people coming by. “Come in” he said, finally pulling himself from his thoughts to see who was at his door. Of course, to no surprise, it was you. He let out a breath of relief upon seeing you. You had grown to become his comfort, even in a moment such as this, he took solace in your presence. “You came” he said softly, just above a whisper but his tone held something akin to disbelief in it that you were here. You spotted a rocks glass in his hand filled with a drink that was likely just freshly made, wondering what it was that was bothering him so much that it had him drinking before bed. He watched as you stepped inside his suite, closing and locking the door behind you to ensure privacy. “You called” you answered genuinely, wondering why he seemed so shocked to find you here when he had asked for you to come. “What’s wrong, Benny? You doin’ okay? I’ve never seen you so many glasses deep in one day” You asked, noting that he had been drinking earlier too, growing concerned for him and the way he seemed to be so caught up in thought. “You’ll have to forgive me, my mind is a bit mixed up at the moment” Benny said before taking a swig of his drink, watching as you sat down on his bed. He wished you hadn’t, because despite being the well-mannered gentleman he was, he was still a man with needs. Even he couldn’t help the thoughts that started to race through his mind as you sat on his bed. Thinking of what you would look like splayed out on it, free of your clothes and him on top of you. Normally he would be able to keep such thoughts under control, but with the buzz of the alcohol running through his system, he was finding it hard to keep them from running rampant. “What’s on your mind? If somethin’s buggin’ you, you know my hands can make light work of it. All you gotta do is say the word” you offered, making him chuckle. Your hands could make light work of him. What in the god damn? “stop that” he told himself, cursing himself for feeling this way towards his close friend of all people. “Afraid what’s on my mind can’t be helped that way, baby. What’s got me in a twist is all my doing” he replied, and it left you rather confused, he could see it in the way your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him. Your head tilted sideways a tad like a dog who couldn’t seem to understand what their owner was saying. You were so fucking cute. “Well then what’s got you all in a twist? You called me here for a reason, Benny. I just wanna help” you replied, pleading with him to give you something to work with. He could groan at the way his name fell off of your tongue so melodically. You just had to show up in uniform too, with your dress slacks hugging your thighs, your blazer really showing off your curves, and your blouse that dipped low enough for him to get a peak of your cleavage. He was eating you alive with his eyes, he knew it. He couldn’t help it, you were a sight to behold. You could tell he was lost in thought at the way he was staring, leaving you chuckling before you waved your hand to grab his attention. “Earth to Benny, you still in there?” You asked jokingly with a grin as he snapped out of it. “Maybe it’s time to lay off the booze for the night” you added with a chuckle as his eyes met yours. Everything was screaming within him to tell you, but at the same time, everything screamed at him not to. He was at war within himself on what to say. Does he tell you and risk losing you? Or does he keep it and risk hurting himself when there comes a time you fancy another man? Neither sounded great to the conman, but between the alcohol in his system and the respect he had for you to always be honest with you, he knew he had to tell you.

“Fuck it, I’m just gonna bite the bullet and hope we can still keep this in the groove, dig?” He asked, and his words weren’t slurred and he didn’t feel drunk. So why was his head spinning? His heart racing? He was a certified mess, and it was your doing. “Oh c’mon Benny, we been runnin’ this show for how long now? You know you can always talk to me! Ya got girl trouble?” You asked with a devious grin, knowing he had a new flavor just about every month if not more than that. He was almost amazed at the way you figured out what was wrong, but thankfully not down to the specifics. It was reasons like this he called you not only his business partner but his best friend. But god how he craved for you to be more than that. “I wonder sometimes if you’re a damn psychic with that prime intuition of yours, babe. Girl trouble ain’t even half the start of it” he replied, sitting across from you in a plush chair as he placed his glass down on the small table next to it. You gave a chuckle. “Ya never did have good luck in choosin’ broads, Benny. Kinda funny to see that hasn’t changed since Vegas became ours” you quipped playfully, making him chuckle. “Very funny. I think I remember calling you here for help, not to take jabs at me, pussycat” he replied, making you laugh. “Aww c’mon you know I’m just yankin’ your chain. What’s got you all in a twist then? You didn’t get one of ‘em pregnant, did ya? Because I can’t help you there with that one” You asked, an eyebrow raised at him in suspicion. “Fuck no, the Ben-man ain’t nothin’ if not responsible. Have a little faith” he said, making you playfully wipe your forehead as if you were super worried. “Whew, that’s a relief. I ain’t ready to be an aunt just yet” you joked, making you both laugh. You always were great at helping him calm down. “Well then what is it? She do something wrong? Steal from you?” You asked, killing yourself internally with each question knowing that it was another woman he was speaking of. “My heart maybe” he said boldly as he took another sip of his drink, and it was true, you had his heart in your hands at all times. But you didn’t know that. You gave a smile that hid the pain inside from his statement, believing he was speaking of another woman. You wanted him to be happy, he deserved it, and you knew when you started working with him that it could never be you that would make him feel this way. But damn if he didn’t have a way of charming himself into your own heart, making you hope that it could work. “Awww, well ain’t that sweet” you replied, trying your best to coat the poisoned words with saccharine falsity, to disguise the ache resting in your chest at the thought of another woman stealing his heart. “I said smooth, baby doll” he said, making you both chuckle. “What? A girl can’t be happy for her friend who’s in love? Sheesh. She sounds like a lucky gal” you joked, making him chuckle once more. friend. God how that word killed you. A constant reminder of what will never be, especially now. Or so you thought.

“Well, c’mon, don’t spare me the details. Who is it?” You asked, not really wanting to know the details but you could put your feelings aside for the happiness of Benny if that’s what it took. However that’s when his face turned red. He should’ve known you’d ask that question. His heart slammed against his sternum as he tried to think of what to say. He couldn’t just straight up tell you, not when he didn’t know if you felt the same way, and he’d be royally pissed at himself if he managed to scare you off. He couldn’t just not tell you either, you deserved to know. “Is it one of the broads over at Gomorrah?” You asked when he didn’t pipe up with an answer right away, making him scrunch up his nose in distaste at even the inquiry. You laughed at his response. “The Ben-man’s got taste. Didn’t know you thought so little of me, babe” he replied, making you giggle at him. “Alright I admit, bad guess there” you responded. He wondered if you would ever guess it, if you would either seriously or jokingly say yourself and then maybe it could be laid to rest easily. “Some of the frequent fliers here are a little questionable Benny…I’m starting to second guess on if I wanna know” you said with a joking grin, wishing you’d figure it out already and save your heart the pain. He shook his head no at all the ones you knew off the top of your head that frequent the casino, leaving you nearly out of options already. “Quit pokin’ around Benny and just tell me already! You got me hangin’ on the edge of my seat here” you said, making him take another swig of his drink to work up the proper courage to tell you the truth. It was now or never. “I ain’t got no other way of sayin’ this sweetheart, but the Ben-man has gone and caught a fever for the fine looker layin’ on his bed” he said, making you blink a few times as you registered just what he said. He was caught up on you? Was he drunk? Surely this was a joke, he couldn’t actually be serious…could he?

“Me?” You asked, sounding taken back by his answer. “You sound shocked, baby. Weren’t expecting to be the broad to catch my eye?” He asked, making you blush. Now this was suddenly going to be difficult on you. How do you tell a man who shot you in the head once that you’re in love with him? “Honestly no, I didn’t think I would. I figured out of all the women out there, the last one to catch your eye would be me” you replied, and how it broke him to hear you talk so little of yourself. To share in a vulnerable moment that wasn’t hidden behind false confidence and bravado. He always respected the way that you were a different woman outside of work, that you could detach yourself from the persona you had to carry with you in the casino and around the other chairmen. He wished he could be more like you, more in touch with his humanity, but he was a conman, and a good one. His work is all he’s really known until you came around. “You’re the prime article baby, ol’ Benny here ain’t ever met a broad like you” he replied, making you blush as your stomach started doing flips with excitement. It was everything you’d been dying to hear from him for so long now. It felt as if fate herself was shining down on you in this moment. “I certainly ain’t met a man quite like you either, Benny” you said with a growing grin, making him chuckle. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a real good thing I got a case of Benny fever then, huh?” You asked with a far more confident grin as you looked at him, sat across from you with his legs spread to help ease the growing tightness of his dress slacks. “Benny fever, is that so?” He asked with a mirrored grin of excitement, making you bite your bottom lip as you shook your head yes in response. “That bullet scramble your egg? Or have you always been a naughty broad?” He asked, finding himself more and more intrigued. Not to mention hot. The laugh you gave in response was breathy, and he wasn’t sure if it was just because it came from you, or the alcohol toying with his mind but he found it sexy. “What can I say? Girls like bad boys, and you have been downright awful” you replied, sensuality dripping from your tone as you flirted with him. “You’re one sick pussycat, baby. There’s quins and then there’s…I don’t even know what to call you” he commented, making you giggle playfully as you crossed your legs in front of him. “I’m saying I dig you too Benny, have for a while now” you said, making him grin even wider at your admission. Thank god, now he could no longer worry. “If I heard “dig” from you back then, I’d have told you all I can think of is a shovel. But you got a real twisted up way of showin’ the Ben-man your forgiveness” he replied, making you giggle once more. “I can think of another way to show you my forgiveness” you suggested, making him raise a brow at you and let out a sound of intrigue and excitement. “Oh yeah?” He asked, watching you bite your lip in excitement as your body language screamed for him to get closer. “And what idea is on that wild mind of yours, baby?” He said, making you hum. “How ‘bout i put my past profession to good use and I show you how well I can…handle your package? If you let me?” you responded. Oh, he definitely wanted you to.

You weren’t sure when it all began, but the next thing you knew, you both were down to your underwear. You made a show of stripping yourself of your uniform, being sure to be slow and teasing as you slipped out of your blazer, blouse and dress slacks for him. You made a show of bending over when you took off your slacks, then moving to your bra that soon found its way to the floor to be forgotten about until the next day. “You are the prime article baby. Nice Charlie’s too! Give ‘em a shake for the Ben-man, would ya?” He asked, making you giggle as you shook them and made a show of fondling them and feeling them up in front of him to tease him. “Hellooo!” He responded as you straddled his lap, taking a seat and pulling him into a heated kiss. He relished in the way your lips tasted like the sweet bourbon cherries that rested in your drink from earlier that you shared with him while you were both still downstairs. He tasted of vodka and cigarette smoke, a mixture you’d have never found appealing had it not been upon the lips of the addicting man you were tasting it from. You hummed into it in delight as his hands rested on your hips, softly moving your hips to grind against his. You moaned softly as you felt your clit bump and rub against his clothed length through your panties, effectively working you up even more than you already were. As you opened your mouth to moan, he took the chance to slip his tongue in to dance upon yours, needing more of that sweet taste of you. Your hands rested on his shoulders, using it at leverage as you continued to grind your hips into his before trailing their way up to tangle in his hair. He moaned at the blissful feeling of your nails scraping his scalp and the occasional tug of his hair. “Fuck baby, got me all kinds of worked up and you haven’t even taken those cute panties off yet” he said, making you giggle as your lips started to migrate down his neck in search for a sensitive spot to suck on and nip at. “Gotta make you as crazy for me as I’ve been for you, baby” you replied with a grin, leaving small but dark hickies in your pleasurable wake. He groaned in response, making you giggle as you felt it rumble from his chest and in his throat as your lips were pressed to his pulse point. “Oh trust me, I’ve been just as crazy for you, pussycat. No doubt about that” he responded, making you grin as you worked your way down his chest and stomach before you were on your knees in front of him.

Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers before pulling them down, watching as his dick slapped his stomach just below his naval as it was freed from its confines. You bit your lip at the wonderful sight, and it was like a dream come true in his eyes. Seeing you here, on your knees in front of him, looking up at him the way you were right now was the fuel to so many of his fantasies he had nightly of you. “Like what you see, baby? I saw those pretty little eyes light up just now” he teased, making you chuckle while your lips littered kisses along his inner thighs before working your way to where he needed you most. “Sure do sugar, wondering if you taste as good as you look” you said before licking a fat stripe from base to tip of the underside of his cock. He groaned, his fingers digging in and clenching tightly the sheets beneath him in his fists from your hot, wet tongue. You made direct eye contact as you did it, one of your hands coming up to cup and fondle his balls as you brought him into your mouth. “Shit…can’t believe this is what I’ve been missin’ out on this whole time” he said, tipping his head back some as you worked his balls with one hand and what you couldn’t fit in your mouth with the other as you started to bob your head up and down on him in a pleasant rhythm. “Can’t tell you how many nights I’ve pictured this baby. Mmm and I gotta say- fuck! You’re a dream come true, honey- oh fucckk…” he moaned, tilting his head to look down at you between his legs on occasion. If he wasn’t careful, he’d find his release too soon and he couldn’t have that. Not when the fun’s just getting started between you two. It was when he felt his tip hit the back of your throat, making your watery eyes look up at home through your lashes that he had to call it quits. “Oh baby, stop, stop, stop. Shit, you keep going like that and I’m not gonna make it to the fun stuff” he said, unashamed of admitting just how much you turned him on. You let off of him with a pop before standing back up.

“Treated me so good baby, least I can do is return the favor. Sit up here and give the Ben-man a taste” he said, lying on his back and motioning you to sit on his face. “Shit Benny, I haven’t done that before. Are you sure? I don’t wanna hurt you…” you said bashfully, making him chuckle and slip you a grin. “If it’s between these pretty legs? I would die a happy man, baby. Don’t be shy c’mon, promise I’ll take good care of you” he insisted, and you had to admit, you rather liked the idea of having such control and trying something new. He watched as you removed your panties, tossing them to the side where they too would be forgotten until the next day, then as you crawled your way up his body. Your legs straddled his head as your core hovered just over his lips, his hands soon resting upon your hips and ass to pull you down and onto his face. You threw your head back with a pornographic moan as his tongue explored your cunt. “Fuck, oh Benny, baby…” you moaned almost breathlessly as his tongue trailed your slit before coming to dance along your clit. “When were you gonna tell me you’re such a tasty treat, doll?” He asked, and it was a whole different sensation receiving pleasure this way, one that left you bucking your hips in rhythm with his tongue to feel more of that wonderful friction against your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Benny! Oh my god, just like that!” You moaned, getting lost in the feeling of his tongue swirling and fluttering against your sensitive bud. Your hand came down to rake your fingers through his hair once more in appreciation of the way he made you feel. “Keep moaning my name like that baby, tell this whole joint how good I make you feel” he egged on before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking gently, making your body jolt in response before letting out a pleased yet surprised moan. “God yes! Oh I’m so close, please don’t stop…” you begged, looking down at the sight of him between your legs as you fucked yourself on his tongue. He gave a chuckle and a moan into you at the way you were riding his face, using him for your pleasure. It made his dick throb almost painfully. “Keep using me babe, fuck your pretty self on my face. Wanna feel you cum on my tongue baby, give it to me” he begged, drilling his tongue in and out of your entrance and then back up to your clit. “Oh fuck I’m gonna cum…oh god, yes! Benny!!” Was all you could get out before his head was squeezed between your thighs, your body spasming and shaking as your eyes rolled to the back of your head from the sheer force of pleasure your orgasm sent sky rocketing through you. If he had no restraint, he’d have cum just from the sight of you, paired with the way your pussy fluttered on his tongue and the way you moaned his name like a sinful mantra.

“Holy fuck…oh my god. Oh shit!” You said breathlessly, realizing you needed to release him from the tight grip your thighs had on him as you made your way off from his face to straddle his lap instead. “Are you okay?” You asked, trying your best to catch your breath and climb back down from cloud nine. He made a show of licking your slick from his lips as he sat up before wiping his mouth. “Better than okay baby, you’re fucking delicious. How do you feel? You look like you high-fived the heavens there, baby doll. I make you feel that good?” he responded with a confident grin, pulling you into a heated kiss once again, loving the way he made you feel so damn good. “Better than good, you’re fucking dangerous with that tongue of yours” you replied into it, making you both chuckle before seating yourself on his hips once more, gliding your soaking cunt along his throbbing cock as you kissed. “Insatiable little thing, you’re right up my alley baby” he said, making you giggle and moan into your shared kiss as he fondled your tits, lavishing them with kisses and hickies. “And so gorgeous, I’m a damn lucky man” he said, making you bite your lip as your fingers laced in his hair once again, your eyes fluttering shut in bliss as he brought your nipple into his mouth and sucked. “Damn right you are- fuck…god I need you so bad Benny, please” you pleaded, making him chuckle as he flipped you both over, your back against his mattress as your hair fell around you like a halo.

“You ready, baby? Benny’s gonna show you the Tops! Hope you’re built sturdy you crazy broad” he said, lining himself up to your entrance. You hissed at the painful stretch of his length sliding into you, as wet as you were, it still burned with the way he spread you open. He felt like he had the wind knocked out of him when he slipped in even just half way, you were a tighter fit than any of the girls he fooled around with. “Almost there baby, doing so good for me. Feel so good wrapped around me like this” he complimented, leaning down to kiss you softly and sweetly to distract you from the pain as he tried to fully slip the rest of himself inside you. You both moaned in unison as the last of him slipped inside you, his hips stilled, waiting for your signal that told him he could move. “Doin’ okay, baby doll?” He asked, checking on you to make sure you were okay and not in too much pain. It had certainly been a long while since the last time you had sex. You’d go as far to say that the last time might have been before you were shot in the head. You shook your head yes in reply, scared that your voice might betray you if you tried to speak. “I won’t move until you tell me it’s alright. Wanna make sure I’m making my girl feel just as good, if not better, than she gets me feelin’, dig?” He responded, making you bite your lip as you tested a roll of your hips to feel if it was okay for him to move. He took that as his sign, but just to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt you, he slowly slipped nearly out of you completely before slowly working his way back in. He watched as you laid your head back against his pillows, your eyes fluttering shut in bliss as you covered your mouth to keep you from moaning too loud. He wasn’t having that. “None of that baby, I wanna hear you. Wanna hear how good I make you feel” he replied, pulling your hand from your mouth and testing another thrust, making you moan in response. “That’s it baby, you moan so pretty for me. Love hearing you” he said, starting to set a slow but nice pace, enjoying being able to watch your expressions and the way your breasts bounced with his movements. His hand grabbed one of yours from beside you, pulling it up by your head and intertwining his fingers with yours as a sweet show of compassion. You smiled up at him, feeling him lean forward to close the gap between you before his lips connected with yours once more. It was gentle yet passionate, just like before. Your free hand traversed the expanse of his back, needing to feel every inch of him you could against your own skin. It was intimate, intimate in a way he hadn’t been in quite a long time. One could even say there was love put into it with the way he cared for you. You weren’t just any run-of-the-mill broad, and this certainly wasn’t just any night in the sack for him, no. He wanted to show you how much he meant it when he said all the things he did, how much he cared for you and wanted you. He wanted to make it apparent that he wasn’t fucking you, he was making love to you. And that wasn’t something he did with just anybody.

He felt your legs wrap around his hips, keeping him close to you. He groaned at the feeling, how your legs pulling him into you made him hit deeper inside, pulling a delighted moan from you. “You play a dangerous game there baby doll” he said playfully, making you giggle and bite your lip as you looked up at him. “Maybe it’s a gamble I’m willing to take, sugar” you said, and it was mighty tempting for sure, a thought that grew more and more enticing the closer he was to reaching his end. “Benny…” you moaned breathlessly as you felt him nudge your sweet spot inside, making you keen and dig your nails into his back each time he hit it. “That the spot baby?” He asked, making sure to angle his hips where he would be able to hit it repeatedly, even with his slower pace. “Yes…fuck, just like that honey. Feels so good” you replied, looking up at him with your brows furrowed and lips parted as your moans filled the room like a sinful symphony. His lips trailed down to your neck, littering your neck and chest with kisses and playful nips at your soft skin. “Fuck baby…feels like this pretty cunt was made just for me with the way you’re huggin’ me all nice” he said through a groan. “Just for you baby” you replied, feeling the coil in your stomach growing tight. The mixed melody of your shared moans and the sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the suite. With the way the bed seemed to creak and squeal beneath you in time with the movements of your bodies, you wondered if anyone in passing could hear what was going on behind closed doors. “So close Benny…please, don’t stop” you pleaded, looking up at him, watching the way his eyes drank you in beneath him like this. “Cum for me baby, wanna see that pretty face all twisted up in pleasure” he encouraged, using his free hand to slip between your bodies, rubbing gentle circles against your clit.

It wasn’t long before stars filled your vision, sending your back arching from the mattress as you tipped over the edge into sweet bliss. Your nails of your one hand dug into his back, your other gripping his hand, that still lay entwined in yours, tightly as you cried out his name. You couldn’t care less about those who may have heard you in passing, all that mattered to you right now was this moment, spent with Benny. He wasn’t far behind you, pulling himself from you to spill all over your stomach with a groan. You giggled as he collapsed next to you, but not before grabbing something to help clean you both up. You turned and looked to him with a dreamy smile plastered to your face. “That was a nice bit of hey-hey girly. You’re a real ring-a-ding broad” he said, making you laugh at his compliment. “Not so bad yourself, handsome” you replied through your grin, feeling his hand come to rest along your hip as you both settled in beneath the covers. “Did ya really mean it when you say you dig me, baby?” He asked, wanting to make sure it wasn’t just something said in the heat of the moment, and that if it was he could properly detach his heart and move on. He wasn’t usually the type of man to show his hand, but now all his cards were out on the table for you to see. He wanted to be sure he hadn’t mistaken your words. “Of course I meant it, Benny. I ain’t a fink” you replied, your hand coming to rest against his cheek softly, your thumb rubbing his skin gently. His hand came up to rest against yours, smiling back at you. “I know you aren’t. I can always rely on you to be real with me, just makin’ sure I’m not betting a losing hand” he said, making you scoot closer to him. “Far from it. So long as you’re the cuddling type, and that this ain’t a one time thing, I’m here to stay” you replied, making him chuckle. “I’d be a dunce to quit you, baby. You’re as addicting as a gambler chasing the high of a winning streak” he complimented, making you giggle as your faces rested rather close to each other now. You smiled as you looked into his chocolate brown eyes. “What’dya say we give this a shot, you and me? Be my dame” He asked, and you couldn’t have been more delighted by the idea. “I’d like that” you answered softly with a smile, your eyes flickering between his and his lips, making him smile happily at your answer. “Yeah? You’d be mine, honey baby?” He asked. “About time you asked me, we’ve been dancin’ around each other for long enough. Don’t you think?” You asked, making him chuckle as he leaned in to kiss you. “See that right there? That’s what I like about you. I knew I made the right call” he said into your kiss, making you giggle once more. “Good. Now hush up and kiss me, would you?” You said playfully, making him hum in amusement as he kissed you like it was his last day he’d ever have by your side.

As you both pulled away for air, he couldn’t help but get lost in your eyes as he looked at you, feeling his chest grow warm with joy. Finally, he no longer had to worry about the way he felt, or wonder if you felt the same. He had you, and you had him, and to Benny that was the way he felt it should be. Like this, all felt right in the world. When he laid here in your arms, head resting against your chest, he felt at peace. He only hoped he could do the same for you. “Hold me, will ya? I swear you wore me out” he said, breaking the peaceful silence and making you giggle as your arms wrapped around him, your fingers carding through his dark hair. He let out a sound of contentment as you did, making you smile happily as you continued until you too fell blissfully asleep.

It was earlier that next morning, about the normal time the chairmen would meet up to discuss plans and all things business for the day. Swank, who normally stopped by your room to have someone by his side to talk to for the trip up to the thirteenth floor to Benny’s suite, was left rather confused when you hadn’t answered his knocks at your door. Normally you were either already out the door and waiting on him, or you’d be out the door the moment he knocked. He’d tried for a good ten minutes to get to you. He stood outside your door knocking at least five or six times, not knowing that you weren’t inside your room before finally giving up. He assumed you were either dead asleep and going to be chewed out by Benny later for being late, or up and there already and for some reason decided not to wait for him. Needless to say, it came as a bit of a shock when Swank knocked on Benny’s door, came inside, and didn’t already see you sitting there. Where were you? Had Benny sent you out for a personal errand maybe? Something didn’t feel right. “What can I pour you to drink, baby?” Benny asked as you were still in the bathroom, leaving Swank confused. He must have invited another girl up to his room, something he hadn’t done in a few months now that he came to think about it. You gave a chuckle, and soon his question about where you were was answered. “Interesting way to start off the morning, sugar. I can think of a far better way to start it than liquor could” you said suggestively, completely unaware of the added person in the room and only earning a chuckle from Benny in return. Swank watched as you walked out from the connected bathroom in nothing more than Benny’s dress shirt that looked as if it nearly swallowed you whole, clearly just fresh out of the shower. It was as you were drying your hair with a towel when you padded into the room to see Swank sitting in the chair across from Benny, leaving you wide eyed in surprise and red in the face. “Shit, Benny! You didn’t tell me you were having the meeting now!” You said, and both Benny and Swank gave a laugh from seeing you so flustered. “Busted. Now I know why I didn’t get an answer when I knocked on your door earlier” Swank said with a grin, eyeing the hickies adorning your neck that gave away what you were up to last night. His eyes soon dragged to the exposed skin of your legs, before coming back up and delighting in the slight peek of cleavage from the dress shirt you were wearing. His eyes soon came to the few hickies that seemed to peek from Benny’s collar, further answering his suspicions. “Warn a girl next time, would ya?” You asked, tossing your towel at the back of Benny’s chair before going back into the bathroom to change into your uniform and hopefully hide your embarrassment. “Have to say, rather jealous of you Ben-man. Been chasing her for a while. She seems like the real deal” Swank said after blowing his cigarette smoke out after a drag of it. “I take it you two had an…eventful night last night from the looks of it” he added, Benny chuckled with a grin that told Swank all he needed to know. “You sly dog you” he replied with a grin of his own and a laugh as he poured himself a drink. Once you stepped back out, this time in uniform, you made yourself a drink before sitting next to Benny, a dusting of red still lingering on your cheeks from embarrassment. “Been wondering why you’ve been holding off on your monthly flavors the past few months there Benny, guess I know why” Swank spoke, wiggling his eyebrows in your direction before taking a sip of his drink. “Don’t sound so jealous Swank, the girls over at Gomorrah got you wrapped around their pretty little pinky” you bit back playfully. “He’s just mad I stole a prime article from right under him” Benny teased back, making Swank laugh. “Well unless you’re just here to cock-block me from having a good morning, I suggest we get this meeting started” you spoke, making Swank grin at your sass being thrown his way as business ensued. But not to worry, you and Benny had your share of fun once you were alone again.

[softxsuki]

hi!! id like to make an urgent request please :)

tw !! mention of self harm / new sh wounds , mention of a blade

if you’re alright with it, id like to request a (romantic) hawks x gn!reader where hawks walks in on reader relapsing.

ive recently grown more and more stressed and tired lately, like my energy is constantly being drained and no matter how hard i try im not enough to stop it. and i wanna reach out for help cause i know i have friends who care about me but i just cant for some reason—i dont feel the need to ask for help cause i just dont think i deserve it. no matter how many times ill comfort others i was never strong enough to ask for the same comfort, and instead of going to someone and talking about it i turn to my blade.

hawks is a big comfort character of mine and my current hyperfix, and as embarassing as it is—reading comfort fanfics of him is a way of coping with it all. so id gladly appreciate if you could write this for me :) ++ if possible, id love if youd be able to include hawks cleaning reader’s cuts, cleaning them bringd me a sense of comfort and id love to see that in the fic.

but if you’re uncomfy about anything at all, no worries ! you dont have to write this if you dont wanna :) have a lovely day<3

Hawks Comforting Reader After They Self-Harm

please do not read if any kind of mentions of self-harm will do you more harm than good!

Pairing: Hawks x Gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of self harm, blade, blood, scars

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 750

Summary: In which your BF Hawks catches you self harming and cleans up your fresh cuts

[A/N: Hey hey, so sorry for taking so long to write this, I know it was urgent. I just happened to get sick randomly and couldn't focus to write. But I finally got this done for you! I hope you're still around to read it </3. Hopefully it provides you with some comfort. Always go to others for help before taking matters into your own hands. Even if you feel like you can't, I'm sure the people in your life would love to help you out <3 I'm here too if you ever need anything! Enjoy!]

You look back and forth between the bloody mess in front of you to the panicked face of Keigo who had walked in on you. 

He was supposed to be gone for the whole day, patrolling his designated area until later that evening. Who knew he’d stop by to check in on you, hoping to have lunch together before continuing his patrol duties. Yet, coming home to you hovering over the bathroom sink with blood dripping from your delicate skin was not what he expected at all.

Of course he knew about your history with self-harm and could very clearly see all your past scars on your body, but he never expected to see you actively harm yourself in front of him. 

“Y/N…” He starts cautiously, eyeing the blade in your hands as you shake with regret.

“I’m sorry,” you cry, dropping the blade in the sink and moving your bleeding wrists away from his view, but he quickly closes the space between you.

Gentle hands grab your own and inspect the damage done. He rolls up the sleeves of his hero suit and gets to work on cleaning you up. With a clean towel he dabs the blood away, applying slight pressure to help stop the bleeding a little, whispering an apology whenever you flinch from the pain. 

He’s silent; contemplating how he let it get this far. He was a hero for crying out loud and the one person he wanted to keep safe the most out of everyone else in the world, managed to get harmed while he was away. He was angry and frustrated at himself that he couldn’t prevent the fresh cuts on your arms. All those nights he kissed your scars and whispered sweet promises of love and protection were all for nothing. Why couldn’t he be more useful to you?

“Keigo, I didn’t mea-” you start, but he quickly cuts you off as he finishes applying the bandage wrap to your wrist.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I should have known something was off, I should have paid more attention and been around to help instead of being out. I’m sorry.”

He presses kisses to your bandaged wrist, just wishing that he could have the magical healing power that Recovery Girl’s kisses had. He wished he could kiss all your pain away and face it all himself in your stead. 

“No, no, this is all on me. You’re always there for me, telling me how much you love me and trying your best to encourage me and lift me up, but I always hold back,” you confess, snatching your arms away from him in guilt, “You’re so busy as it is saving everyone. I don’t want to add to your burdens with my own problems as well. I thought I could deal with it all alone, but I failed. I turned back to my blade because it was too much to bear on my own.”

He sighs, and this time brings you into his arms in an embrace, “That’s because we’re not meant to go through these things alone, babe. Even as a hero I don’t do things on my own either. I have a whole agency backing me up along with my other fellow heroes. No one can accomplish anything on their own without hurting themselves. So please let me be there for you to help you as much as you’ve helped me.”

Silent sobs escape your lips as he continues to hold you and speak.

“All those days when you held me after I failed to save someone. All those nights you patched me up after a mission and I stubbornly refused to go to a hospital; let me be there for you for all your tough times as well. Let me be the one to gather you up again and listen to all your worries, don’t fight your battles alone anymore. I promise you’re not a bother to me at all. I want to be there for you. It’s my job,” he reassures you. 

“All right,” you sniffle, finally wrapping your own arms around him, accepting his comfort.

He calls the agency afterwards, letting them know that he can’t come in for the rest of the day and instead spends his time with you. Listening intently to everything that’s been bubbling up in your heart, right by your side, wiping your tears away and giving you his unconditional support and love. He’s definitely making sure you don’t deal with things on your own anymore :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted 3/5/2023

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[loops-n-boops]

Seed Dump!!

after a little unexpected turn to a DC hyperfixation that lasted roughly two weeks I'm back to my farcry shit (the usual) so imma give y'all a three for one, John doodles, Seed playlists and hcs in one post,, take your juice

Jacob Seed:

listens to cheesy love songs and some rock and metal

Most think John swears the most but that's a lie, it's him. Whenever Joseph isn't around he'll throw a "fuck this" every now and then

likes adult coloring books and crossword puzzles

if Joseph asks a favor that doesn't involve strength he always goes "I volunteer Johnny"

He opens doors for John and goes "ladies first"

can and will tackle John to the ground and yell "say uncle". He does all the annoying older brother shit idc

Tends to fight with Joseph. They always fought back and forth. As kids it was about how Joseph wouldn't 'man up'. Now it's about how he treats John, not knowing Joseph's been manipulating him to stay this whole time too

So in the past I hc that he's gay, I feel he struggles to come to terms with that. To this day he still is under the impression that it's wrong and makes him look soft, so he still tries to act like he doesn't

Rants to the judges. He is waits until he knows he's alone with the alpha of the pack and just dumps everything he has in his mind. That dog knows things no one else knows

His friendship with Eli in the past was a good one. It reminded him too much of his friendship with Miller (minus the possible secret romance part). They had similar inside jokes, Eli playfully punched him the same way Miller did. He hated it. He still hates it

Jacob is much more of a listener than a talker but prefers surrounding himself with people who talk a lot

Joseph Seed

Joseph doesn't hate John. He's hard on John so he learns. Johns become their father in Joseph's eyes and is making sure to shape him up. However he doesn't realize how terrible he's being to him as he does so.

His biggest fear is being alone. To combat that he almost subconsciously manipulates people to stay with him. He doesn't want to hurt them, but if he doesn't they'll leave. He'll be alone again

As a child Joseph wanted to be an author. He had notebooks filled with vibrant stories he made up in his head. Once a teenager though he found an interest in baking. Him and his wife's date nights consisted of them playing music as they tried a random recipe they found. It was a piece of happiness he never had as a child. They wanted to save money and open a bakery together. Still, to this day, Joseph gathers ingredients on Friday nights and bakes.

Has a heavy preference for Jacob. The man was with him the longest, helped him the most. It isn't that he doesn't love John, but he's detached. John wasn't there as long as Jacob was. John was raised by different people.

He hates winter. Winter was when Faith taken from him. He won't enter any vehicle. He won't go outside much. He hates it.

Puts everyone before himself. He could have not eaten at all that day but he will still be sure to make sure everyone else has. He will forget to eat unless someone else tells him to

His favorite song is Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac and whenever he hears it he gets a boost of happiness. He knows every word.

I don't care what anyone says, I think he's shockingly the worst with kids. He can't handle the tantrums, they stress him out. He doesn't yell or hit but he completely shuts down and won't really react

Doesn't put his hair down often. He sleeps with it down but beyond that? It's always up. Usually in a bun, but sometimes he'll go ponytail.

When angry he tends to quietly glare. He tells from time to time yeah, but he more often will glare at whoever upset him. A look that basically says 'you know what you did'

Hes actually much more of an introvert than people may think. He doesn't like being alone but that doesn't make him an extrovert. His idea on a relaxing day is sitting in a room with his brothers where they all do their own thing but they don't speak much. Comfortable silence. The idea that they're there makes him happy, and the fact that they can indulge in their own hobbies without judgment makes him even happier

John Seed

Much more of a talker than a listener. This makes him and Jacob a good pairing since he would talk a lot and Jacob would smile and listen.

He despises fast food. He tried it once and declared it as the grossest thing to every touch his mouth. He's also definitely the pickiest eater in general. He hates most seafood, broccoli, brussel sprouts, fast food, pizza if it's too greasy, chicken if there's too much tendon, the flavor of mashed potatoes and steak together but he'll eat it on separate occasions. He was picky as a kid and he's still picky as an adult

Actually needs glasses but will not wear them. Luckily he has contacts. However one time he lost one and had to wear his glasses and his chosen were staring at him confused. He needed them since he was little but he never got the appointment when he was with his brothers. Jacob did notice him squinting a lot. Joseph only had glasses because he got his prescription years ago (but they should've been renewed)

He went to religious schools from second grade onward. I'm talking the ones with uniforms and all your teachers are nuns. There's so many pictures of little John with one of those school uniforms and dorky glasses and a big smile.

Speaking of which I believe he was the cutest kid out of all of them. He had big ol doe eyes and got excited over everything. Joseph and Jacob used to call him sunshine when he was young because no matter how miserable and dark the world was around him he always was a happy little boy. He was bright, loving, innocent. An absolute sweetheart in his youth. He was the kid that waved to strangers on the street, his go to form of affection was hugs, and he comforted his brothers when they were upset despite not understanding why they were even upset.

The Duncan's viewed Johns innocent nature as why he was a tainted soul. He didn't understand accountability and the idea that not everyone was good confused him. They had to teach him. Besides, the Duncan's weren't too good themselves.

His adoptive parents were Henry and Amelia Duncan. They adopted John due to Amelia's infertility. John was the youngest there and was promising so they chose him not knowing they were taking a broken boy and breaking him beyond recognition. Johns obvious mental illness also made them feel he needed to be shaped. They were the type of people that thought praying could solve everything. John barely saw doctors, he never got therapy, and when they found out their son was bisexual they threatened to send him away.

However, Henry's mother: Evelyn loved John for who he is was. Accepted her little grandson. Henry's family was large, the man having four brothers and a sister. John was the baby, all of his newly adopted cousins being older than him. Not a lot of them were good, John wasn't even that good, but Evelyn had a clear preference for John, always calling him her angel. (I have too many Duncan hcs I'll stop there)

Johns behavior first began to plumiit near his sophomore year of high-school. He got a stick and poke tattoo when he was too young to have one from a friend. It did get infected but that was fine for him. It was a taste of freedom. A taste of freedom he never had in the past. He wanted a taste of the freedom of adulthood and was willing to rush his adolescence to get that. By the time he was a senior the little angel people knew and loved died, and in his place was a cold hearted snake that lacked any form of remorse for what he did. All he cared for was his own amusement.

As a boy he drew a lot, he quickly discovered art was something he enjoyed. He drew pictures of him and his brothers, but when he lived in Atlanta their faces started to become blurry. Were Joseph's eyes blue or were they green? Who was taller, Joseph or Jacob? What didn't help was the Duncan's wanted every aspect of Johns life before them to not exist. They tried convincing him that they weren't his family and that they hated him. They made him go into speech therapy to force his rural accent to go away. They didn't adopt a son, they adopted a pet.

I'll do a little softer one for the end: Johns secretly a bit of a hopeless romantic. He's always been fond of the idea of romance. He loves cheesy rom-coms, he reads romance books. All of it. Hes well aware that a romantic relationship is something he'll never have, but it doesn't hurt to wish for one. He falls too quickly, but then gets scared when he has to be vulnerable. He has issues, he's not a good person. His issues will scare everyone away. He has no chance. A part of him envies his brothers: Joseph for having a marriage and Jacob for clearly not being interested in romance at all. But some nights, he doesn't care. He'll grab a DVD player and watch his silly little romantic comedy movies (or say yes to the dress if he's feeling something dramatic) and will eat half a bag of gummy bears

[dxrksong]

Another Dp x DC au!

That's right! I'm back at it again, strangely hyperfixated on Johnny 13, but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Johnny 13 is a clone au!!

This neat little au appeared sometime after seeing an au where another one of Danny's clones had survived and named himself 31.

So of course I saw Johnny 13 and went :)

So Johnny is a clone. The 13th clone to be exact and the one that lived the longest out of all the rest of the clones. Of course he still died (he is a ghost) but he had lived long enough for his soul to imprint on enough ectoplasm to form.

What about the other clones?

Shadow

That's right! The clone's fear and pain was enough to turn them into shades but there wasn't enough individuality or something to grab onto, so they weren't able to form into their own ghosts!

So what were baby shades, who wouldn't be able to survive once again alone, to do? Take a page out of a school of fish's book and latch onto each other in order to survive!

Shades feed off emotions in order to survive, since I hc that they aren't strong enough to be able to properly intake raw ectoplasm. So they take it in it's base stage instead!

So what are a school of shades to do when they see a small ghost that feels the same way they do?

Adopt him into the school of course! :) they're all siblings here and family sticks together! So what if this one is stronger than them? That just means more chances for survival!

They take everything happily with a grain of salt. Of course Johnny gets ghost adopted. Because he's still a child.

Tbh I believe it's Walker that adopts him. Mostly because I just like tough guys being soft to their own kids. Either that or Spectra 🤔 then again I don't remember either of the characters interacting with each other so it's possible!

Walker would probably try to separate Johnny and the Shades at first. But after asking why Johnny would just say:

"They're my siblings!"

And that would be the end of that! The shades would feed off Johnny's emotions sometimes, and Johnny would help his shades by scaring people and causing chaos sometimes!

I headcannon that if a shade tries hard enough or becomes the apprentice of an ancient (I.E Nocturn and his dream walkers) Shades could become strong enough to feed on ectoplasm with the occasional emotion and live fairly normal ghostly lives.

Of course Johnny's siblings aren't about to do that anytime soon since that'd involve leaving one of their own behind :)

So instead they stick together, happy to just be a family, as weird as they are.

Of course this wouldn't be a crossover au if Johnny and his siblings DIDN'T somehow find their way onto the JL radar.

Could be entirely on accident

Johnny looks like the splitting imagine of whoever he was cloned from.

Johnny and his shadow could've gone causing chaos!

But I like the possibility of BatMan or the YJL stumbling across the area in which Johnny and the others were made.

I remember seeing a post with a theory that ghosts could feel when you mess with their grave/corpse. So when the YJL stumble upon him and his siblings grave site.

Johnny would be PISSED! That's his siblings GRAVE! Who dares to step foot near them?! And proceeds to speed through a portal that just so happens to open right in front of the f*ckers that dared mess with something so important to him.

(Imagine finding a room with the corpses and still being used test tubes of failed clones and all of a sudden you hear a Roar that shakes the earth before an entire LAZARUS PIT opens in the middle of the room and a pissed off looking cyclist with the souls of the damned, charges out at you with a war cry. And you can't hit him)

That would lead to the valid question though of WHO exactly they're cloned after! It was cannon that Roy and of course Superman were cloned. (And maybe one of the batfam if I remember correctly) so could it be one of them? Or someone else?

Either way, Jason is pissed and the team now has an angry ghost and Shadow to deal with.

(I still find it weird that Johnny is the ONLY ONE sans those that have white or black hair, to have A NORMAL HAIR COLOR! Those locks are 110% dyed and bleached! Change my mind! And no, Spectra's human disguise doesn't count, it's fake.)

[gingery-juniper]

PERSONAL BLABBER TIME

-long personal ramble ahead-

I don't really post personal stuff here, but there's no other platform I feel safe sharing. I don't really share a lot personal stuff online anyway, but I'm really excited about this and I'm just dying to get it all out and share my excitement with someone.

Like

Orange-cat zoomies excited.

🐈[nyoom]🐈

I've been afraid to open up and unmask for so long, but this is the one place I feel like I can be open about who I am. I don't care if anyone actually reads it, I just want to vent it out.

I'm about to start taking T (testosterone)!!!

I am AFAB and non-binary, and now trans-masc.

I've always hated the body I was born with since I was a kid, but never quite knew why. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household that strongly condemned anything outside the "norm". I was raised to be a "good submissive wife"

That never sat right with me, even as a religiously brainwashed kid. And now I understand why. Not just the creepy religious aspect (that's a whole 'nother deal), but that I was never supposed to be a woman.

I knew something was different about me ever since middle school, but I didn't have the experience or exposure to know why I felt wrong in my own body. I was a tomboy I guess, but it was more than that. I my autistic ass always hyperfixated on male fictional characters. Everyone always assumed I had a crush on them, but no, I wanted to BE those male characters.

I spent so many years thinking maybe if I was more perfectly feminine I'd be happy, starving myself to be ~pretty~ and accepted by my family and peers. That didn't do shit and just made me deeply and harmfully depressed and more confused.

I spent so many years "believing" gender and sexuality was a strict "good vs evil" thing. Even daring! to think of deviating from being cis or hetero (those terms are evil and "woke" btw /s) was an abomination. Anyone at all queer (definitely used as a slur by them) was going straight to hell.

I feel sick knowing I used to believe that.

Well, I didn't really believe it. It didn't make sense to me, but I was conditioned to think that way (for fear of punishment) so I went along with it. But it didn't make sense and confused me when I started to meet and make LGBTQ friends in high school and at my first job. They were such amazing people. I couldn't figure out how they were possibly "evil".

I'm so angry it took so long for me to finally break out of that brainwashed mindset and start thinking clearly for myself.

10 years later, after a long time away from my parents/family, it's all making sense. The egg has cracked.

I've since found the LGBTQA+ community and have never felt more accepted and understood. This is where I have always belonged and I'm so grateful to have made it this far to realize that.

I was making formal plans to off myself a few years ago (many factors involved), but seeing some of the things people posted here made me realize that I'm not broken and not worthless and helped inspire me to live.

Over the last few years (and yeah honestly tumblr has been an incredible learning and supportive community resource) I have come such a long way in my personal journey. I am learning who I am now.

I had top surgery earlier this year and it's the best decision I've ever made. I've never been happier in my life.

Somehow my family hasn't noticed.

Now I'm going to start T.

My family won't take kindly to this change. They are very homophobic and especially transphobic. But I'm no longer interested in being palatable to keep them comfortable. I am going to be me whether they like it or not.

For the first time in my life, that I can say with confidence, I want to live.

I am asexual.

I am aromantic.

I am non-binary.

I am trans.

I am queer.

[cannibalisticdespair]

Late to the ask game but-

❤️‍🔥 Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul

It's sorta my new hyperfixation til the new series I wanna watch/read

Oh I fucking love them. But for hot takes? Frankly, I get people disliking Skyler. Because from an outside perspective, Walt is dying of cancer and goddamn was she shitty about it. That's gonna taint everything. I'm sorry, but your feelings get put on a backburner when the other person's situation is "dying of cancer". "My loved one is dying of cancer" does not supersede the loved one's "dying of cancer". People get an allowance to not be their best self when they've been handed a death clock, you know? Oh, is he unusually cold and distant? Yeah, but from the perspective of anyone who doesn't know what Walt is up to, like her, he's dying of cancer. That's to be expected. Oh, has he become more volatile? Dying. Of cancer. These are normal human reactions to dying of cancer. It's pretty hard to stare down the jaws of mortality and not become a bit of an ass about it. It's about as "staring into the void" as you can get.

The best way to explain this is like, forget your viewer-knowledge for a moment and view her behavior from her own perspective with only her limited subjective knowledge. For a comparison, imagine someone randomly stabbed a stranger to death for no reason other than the fun of it. But by pure chance, that stranger happened to be a serial killer. Was the random murder for fun suddenly more okay? No, because they didn't know that. That wasn't driving their behavior.

That's Skyler's dealing with Walt's changes in behavior and everything at first. She didn't know he had become a drug manufacturer and was involved in organized crime. All she knew is that he was dying of cancer. Also, just not a fan of "force someone to get medical treatment they don't want to undergo for your own desires", that's pretty shit.

But like, yeah, dying of cancer is in fact a legitimate reason to be cold and distant and be acting out of character. From her limited subjective position, she was not supportive or comforting of the dying person she claimed to love. Which is just shitty. You know the whole concept of giving a very sick dog that has to be euthanized one really amazing (to a dog) day? That's what you're supposed to do for someone dying of a terminal illness when you love them. Cherish the moments you have left and make them absolutely fucking incredible.

Oh, the dying man wants to smoke some fucking weed? Who gives a fuck? Dude's fucking dying. Oh, he's not hopeful and optimistic? And you're getting angry at him for that? Come on, it takes a particular type of person to maintain such outlooks while dying of a terminal illness. You just never get the sense that she views him as a terminally ill person who's about to die and deserves to have his last days be the best fucking days possible, which just is so fucked to me.

Now, this isn't as important later on, but first impressions matter a lot. And that initial impression really sours things. She acts more like a mother towards him than a partner (and not a good one), and it doesn't feel like that's something he desired, it feels like that's something she chose to do.

Also, there's the aspect of "you have a disabled kid and are living on a single high school teacher and car washer's salary because you don't want to fucking work". Which like... shit. Absolute shit. It's not like she can't work. It's not like Flynn needs her to be a stay at home mom. Walt certainly never asked her to do this. There's never any implication that it's the common situation of the man wanting her to be a housewife. She just decided "hey, I'm gonna quit my job and chase my dream of being a writer while selling shit on eBay". And you don't gotta fucking quit your job to chase your dream of being a writer. Most writers have traditional jobs until they hit it big, not make their partner get a second job to support the family while they scalp shit on eBay and fail at being a writer.

Like, I guess my point is, swap the sexes and see if anyone would defend the behavior. Walt and Skyler are both toxic, shitty people. Like attracts like and both of them fucking suck. Flynn is literally the only person in that family who isn't a piece of shit. Skyler, Walt, Hank, and Marie are all flavors of asshole. None of them are UwU innocent put upon blorbos. They're all trash people being trash to each other and everyone around them, making the world a worse place for existing in it. Hank's a racist cop, Marie is the embodiment of white lady privilege, Walt's a violent self-centered, egotistical drug lord, and Skyler has genuinely cared about exactly one human being in her life. They're all shitty people.

To be clear, people taking Walt's side over Skyler after seeing the whole show are idiots too, it's just that it's not "either you side with Walt or Skyler". It's "wow, you are all horrid trash people". Jesse and Jimmy/Saul are miles above any of them.

[swords-of-a-soilder]

Bless you for compiling what’s going on with that ex-bird app. It’s been genuinely insightful for me to understand the thoughts of the kinds of people behind those accounts.

That person trying to cancel creators for associating with Forever (and probably advocating for his lore to be excised from the server) saying “but I can’t possibly give up guapoduo, it’s My Hyperfixation” is very telling. Hypocrisy specifically in the context of “separating the art from the artist” isn’t something I’ve seen before, shockingly, so I guess I get to add that to my Social Media Discourse Bingo. (I had an online friend in 2016 who I was terrified to talk about my interests with because I didn’t know what angry punk teenagers on tumblr had deemed “evil and disgusting”, and even SHE stopped listening to some of her favorite metal bands when she learned they were homophobic, and had absolute turmoil when she learned that David Bowie might have allegedly slept with an underage groupie in the 70s. Her constant, unpredictable rage at seemingly random pieces of media was awful for my mental health, but at least she wasn’t a genuine hypocrite.)

Also that tone of “I’ve had good memories here… but I just can’t handle it anymore.” It sounds like someone whose meaningful but soul-crushing work has finally broken them, almost sounding like someone I knew at the frontline worker job I had mid-pandemic who missed her own birthday three years in a row, got repetitive stress injuries, and then got passed over for a promotion that was given to someone who did a fraction of the work. But the “God willing, I’ll never come back” was followed by “I’m 13” …damn, I got whiplash so hard that I astral projected into a universe where things made sense for a second. Because of course kids don’t have a complex view of other countries’ political systems or cultural pressures. Or the nuances of personal change and redemption. Or that sometimes people are just not online for a few days. And of course a 13-year-old doesn’t understand how dumb and petty they look by trying to ruin other peoples’ careers in the name of Activism (tm) while having a fandom portmanteau username.

“I didn’t want it to come to this but… I’m going to delete twitter!” I hope so, but more for their own sake, honestly. I actually have less anger towards most of them now. Many are kids with a false sense of grandiosity that makes them believe they are the ultimate moral authority, but have very little understanding of how messy people or societies can be. I just hope they can learn one day, and look back on who they are now and cringe. (And then many years after that, have the grace to forgive themselves.)

Oof, sorry for the wall of text.

I’m still not over the whole situation with Forever. I miss his energy, and his accent, and his silly bits with Richas that always dragged on too long, and N.I.N.H.O. (and everything it represented), and how different he and Cellbit are but how they understood each other WAY too well, and how he tried to make people who didn’t log onto the server as often still feel welcome and wanted, and how happy he got when anyone non-Brazilian even tried to speak a little bit of Portuguese. (I was learning, but I’ve barely touched it since.) I won’t lie, it’s affected me far more than I thought it would.

I miss Forever. Thank you for your blog being a little space where that’s okay.

I'm honestly a little worried for the kid (s), not in a "oh I just want the best for" fake bs way just a little concerned tbh. I still don't like them but I don't hate them either, they're a kid.

But at the same time I'm worried for their well being, they have like 5,000 follower on their main Twitter and 28 on curious cat (which is apprantly high for that app )

That's 5000 people (teens or not) waiting for you to tell them how to feel that can't be good for their mental state, not for a 13 yr old kid.

Most of their life was spent learning about the world and their still learning, these are the ages where you're worried about the sun blowing up.

You haven't seen how awful the world can be yet, You haven't seen how much worst it could get you haven't learned calculus yet!

To you the world is only these 13 years and you think if you don't act now everything will be over.

I get it, I had that fear too, most people grown into it and realize just how shitty it can get an settle in choosing their own battles and not letting It consume them, because no one had time for that anymore.

You want to experience the most out of live while you can and the older you get the easier it is to balance.

To me it looks like one of those situation where you'll look back and think "I wish I enojyed my childhood."

Because 5000 people waiting for you to tell them who to bash, 28 people prasing your while admitting they use to hate you.

It can't be good. And if they were to read this they'd probably say "oh you don't actually care you just want to shit on me."

And like, yeah I don't care, but am I saying all this because I want to shit on them? no I'm just pointing out concerns.

Apart from that I fully agree with anon.

[pzyii]

I've been hyperfixation on btvs for a while w/o posting about aus so.....

BTVS Daemon au:

(haven't thought about this one In a while btw so there's a lot of stuff I'm probably still changing but I wanted to have it out there)

(Under cut cause it’s a bit long)

Buffy - either a toller dog or a mountain lion. His name is atlas, meaning "to carry" since she carries the weight of the world on her teenage shoulders. He probably settled almost just after she became the slayer. Or when she came back after death No1 in s1. Whether he's a mountain lion or a toller dog, he's very puppy-like and loves cuddles. She thought he was gonna settle as a golden retriever before she became the slayer.

Willow - a phoenix that looks like just a raven or a blackbird normally. I know people would say phoenix for Buffy cause she's died twice but the idea of rebirth in the sense of change suit willow a lot better concidering how much she changes over the show. Plus the idea of a bird that looks completely normal and harmless but when she uses magic or is just angry and stuff turns into flames is really good and works perfectly for someone who is capable of (and has) killing(/killed) people. Their name is aspen cause her parents liked the tree theme. They settled the first time she did magic obviously. And she had for a while suspected they'd settle for a small bird before, her number one suspicion had been a mountain blue bird.

Xander - I’m thinking squirrel monkey or some other type of monkey, possibly like an emperor tamarin. Based on vibe yk. Her name is xenia, which means “stranger, guest, hospitality”, that wasn’t really the reason I picked it though I just mostly thought it would be funny if the whole reason Xander uses Xander as a nickname instead of Alex is cause he wanted to match with his daemon. I’m unsure when she would settle, all of them so far has settled pretty late, and for him probably the latest, I could see it being at the end of s6 because of the yellow crayon speech cause that you know represents his rare moments of being good pretty well. (Edit: remembered that's too late since he's not a teen anymore, it probably settled in late S3 or s4)

angel - a Dobermann dog cause they look exactly like him. Dark, bulky, big, terrifying but puppy, it’s perfect. Her name is Lilith cause … The bible, idk. And since I haven’t talked about it yet I’m gonna take the opportunity to talk about daemons in relation to vampires. They don’t just go poof when someone becomes a vampire even if that would be logical cause that just makes it too easy to notice vampires but they aren’t exactly there either. Since there’s no soul in the daemon they are basically just empty husks and aren’t able to talk or act on their own like normal daemons. They do tend to also give people the wig because of it since most can notice something is wrong even if they don’t know what. When a vampire regains their soul, their daemon returns to normal, though Lilith doesn’t speak much to anyone except angel either way

Tara - a cat, don’t know which breed, cause you know the witch of the witches, his name is Salem cause Tara’s mom is also a witch. He settled before Tara met willow or the other scoobies. He mainly talks to Tara, willow and later dawn.

Spike - this was a hard one for some reason, but I settled(hah) on bengal cat, will maybe change it. She settled before he became a vampire to be fair though. I just felt like their little faces fit his pathetic bottle blonde vibe. Her name is eris, which comes from the goddess of strife and Discord, plus i thought it was a pretty name. And cause of the whole no soul thing throughout most of the show she doesn’t have much personality for most of it, but more than Lilith when angel has no soul tho. She's gets all jumpy and fast-y when he gets his soul.

Giles - a barn owl, cause yknow, owls. Her name is Anne which means “intelligent”, not that that’s always true for Giles lmao but it represents both his character and relation with his dad pretty well. Also Anne is a pretty old-y name that works well with - pfft - Rupert.

Cordelia - a peacock, cause yknow… everything about her. His name is Cyril which means “master/lord” which suits her plus the name sounded fancy. He also doesn’t speak much and pretends to be all cold like Cordy but he’s a softie.

Anya - a coral snake, matched the demon and also just her vibe. Her name is Ymir cause Anyas Swedish and old. Nothing really changes with her when Anyas a demon.

faith - a panther, matches with Buffys mountain lion, his name is Thomas which means “twin”. Cause well she’s the secondary slayer, the copy, the clone, and she has yknow …some problems with being second place. I’m unsure when he would settle.

Dawn - a fawn, it rhymes :)), plus it suits her really well in symbolism and just vibe. Their name is kito which means “precious jewel”. both because Dawn is seen as precious and something that needs to be protected. And jewel because of the whole dehumanisation and that it’s something so materialistic with the whole key thing. No clue when they would settle.

Then there’s a lot more characters but I’m stopping here for now

[rainiishowers]

Do you have any more crow shapeshifter!MC ideas or headcanons or anything I loved what you wrote ❤️

Here is the original Mammon x Crow Shapeshifter MC oneshot :)

Spoilers for Lesson 16

Firstly, the design I have made for our lovely Crow Shapeshifter MC

Secondly, some scattered thoughts I have

Whenever someone bullies (or tries to bully) MC, there will be a flurry of crows that come to defend them

MC has stolen a few trinkets that belong to the other brothers, but they either a) gets a kick out of it or b) feels guilty. Either way the bro gets it back eventually

We all know that Lesson 16 with this MC will be different, but how different?

What I imagine is MC brings one of Mammon’s crow familiars, if not by him begging them to so the crow can help, it’s by them asking.

There are many possibilities, but these are just ones I made off the top of my head, so choose your pick

MC is hugged by Belphegor but choked. The crow comes in, pokes his eyes or his hair, or something, getting him to loosen his grip. MC bolts out of there, the crow flies after them before Belphie can grab it, and they go back to report to Diavolo

MC is choked but turns into a crow. That itself catches Belphie off guard, but Crow MC and the other crow combined sqauwking, screeching and just general noises gets Belphie to let go.

Nothing changes, but the crow also dies and Mammon is even more sad and angry at Belphie (You go king)

As I said, many possibilities, but these are just what I thought of, so feel free to send/reblog with your own!

Moving along, how do I imagine the other brothers feel? I never really explored that in my first oneshot but here is a rough idea as to how I think the brothers feel (I am not doing anything outright romantic. If you want, think of this as to how the bros felt before they caught feelings. Not including Mammon cuz I already did a whole oneshot about it)

Lucifer

He knew something was odd about them, the way they appeared or carried themselves wasn’t human

And he was correct!

Honestly, outside MC and Mammon getting up to schemes and yoinking things under peoples noses and mocking his voice and poses, he wouldn’t consider MC a problem

He treats them the same way he treats Mammon, albeit a little less harshly simply because they are an exchange student

Levi

He paid MC no mind before

Until they started yoinking things

Now he had two thieves and he was m a d

I like to imagine that this MC hyperfixates alot, especially about shiny objects

So that was the common ground between them and Levi

There was eventually a peace treaty between these two and MC never stole from Levi as long as Levi showed them shiny things

Which just turned into things that Levi thinks would interest MC

Satan

Where did this human come from??? Are they even a human??? They don’t look like one??

Was very interested in investigating them instead of just… asking like a normal person, but you can’t be a normal person when you’re a demon

They noticed and was happy to tell Satan, who listened with great interest

There wasn’t any bad blood between these two, but Satan had to make sure none of the crows MC has befriended ended up in the paws of cats

Asmo

Was very interested in their appearance, that’s all

They probably stole from him the most, it was instinct since he had so many shiny objects

He was not happy and would have to lock his door just to ensure that both them and Mammon wouldn’t steal

So yea, not a great first impression

Despite them not wanting to ruin their nest of shiny things, they did give it all back to Asmo eventually and expressed guilt

Once again, they agreed on a peace treaty and once Asmo was satisfied with MC’s payback (which I imagine consists of being a butler for Asmo for a while), he forgave them fully

Beel

Again, paid MC really no mind

Naturally after a while, Beel started to treat them like a younger sibling

Did he know if they were younger or older then him? No. Did he care? No.

They delivered him food sometimes and in exchange he helped them with tasks they couldn’t do on their own

Again, not any bad blood, just a sibling dynamic

Belphie

Now this is where it gets interesting

Any way you slice it, any version of Lesson 16 you wanna imagine with this MC, there is going to be some bad blood between these two

He is going to be spiteful at first, but an ancestral connection between MC and Lilith has him acting friendly

Now this where the bad blood kicks in

I imagine that this MC is going to hold many many more grudges, and will not hesitate to express these grudges

They will not interact with him outside of the social niceties, but sometimes that doesn’t even happen

It will take a long while before MC stops holding that grudge, it might even take up until the exchange program end

Oof, this is a long post

Some tags :D

@xphantasmagoriax @mammoneythegreat @hanashii @rennari

[fjtrickster-blog]

Another ROTTMNT Rant (feat. Splinter)

I'm going to preface this that these are thoughts that just keep bugging me and I just wanted to scream them into the void and no one seemed to mind the Big Mama discussion one so here we are.

Granted this one is a bit more of a spicy take as this is Rise Splinter and over all I think his characterization in general is... spicy.

I've seen two camps that have sorta formed over this Splinter and I just can't get out of my head my need to talk about it and only the internet shares my hyperfixation so thus this post. If you don't agree: fair. If you want to discuss I don't mind. I just want to examine the situation as I haven't seen anyone really stop to examine it without clearly being in camp "Splinter is a good Dad" camp or "Splinter is the absolute worst Dad" camp. And I think there's merit in examining both why those two camps exist and seeing what evidence is actually presented in the show. Though I'll admit I'm not outside the campgrounds in this situation but I am sorta on the edge of the "good Dad" camp looking over the fence and going "y'know those guys have a point" which is what this rant will be about.

Okay disclaimers out of the way we'll get into it now. Now keeping in mind that the Rise series for the most part has a lot of moments played for comedy. The series for the most part presents the world with this lens so it is inherently difficult to see what is supposed to be taken as truth and what is played for laughs. It's difficult to line up objective reality when the comedic effect of for example Splinter acting like the teenager trying to avoid being grounded when he steals the Turtle Tank. Where Donnie in particular takes on the angry strict parent role.

In fact it's interesting how many moments between Donnie and Splinter both bring up problematic behavior of a parent being framed in comedic light. Donnie is the one who suggests in an off handed line when they're tricked by Big Mama that he's never gotten parental approval before thus why he was tricked. This comes up again with Donnie frustrated when Splinter is interrupted when he was possibly about to say "I'm proud of you". Not that it's limited to Donnie but Donnie tends to be the one to throw out jokes about these things in offhanded comments.

Given Donnie's mad scientist energy and Splinter's boomer-esque quality of not understanding tech. It's possible that Splinter over the years has had a hard time dealing with or understanding Donnie and so he would be overly harsh when Donnie messed up likely because it resulted in a bigger mess than his other brothers. It doesn't help considering Donnie is cannonically autistic which wouldn't help with either understanding the more subtle cues of the other.

However that doesn't explain how the other turtles show little signs of Splinter's emotional distance. Again everything we see is presented in the idea of "haha isn't this funny" but examine the kind of lengths and steaks they put into EARNING the right to get HUGS. All the Rise turtles (Donnie I can see arguements either way) tend to be very touchy with each other: climbing on each other, turtle pile lots of hugs. Given their isolation the fact that Splinter seems to hold physical affection as a reward rather than something freely given is I think concerning. Of course it's an isolated episode but the turtles all seem to crave approval and validation to a certain extent. Some more than others. I'd argue this is an indication of some amount of neglect.

Moreover Spliner IN THE SERIES. Has actively put himself and his sons into dangerous situations. More over. It bothers me that the moments we see Splinter being a GOOD father figure. Where he gives an encouraging speech and such. The only moments where he makes that sort of connection of building up someone instead of yelling at them how they should do something. The TWO WHOLE TIMES we see it. ARE WITH APRIL AND CASANDRA. (I'm not counting the movie in this and even then he had like two lines max with Leo about listening to his team). I don't mean to exclude April but I found it telling that Splinter's episodes where he willingly goes out and hangs with someone it's APRIL. It's ALWAYS APRIL. Sure the turtles ditch Splinter on occasion but the only moments we see Splinter in good mentor roll is with a human. I find this concerning. His conversations with his own sons are very much tinged in regret or him pushing an agenda (in the demolition derby case). It's like he can't get over that his sons aren't human on some level or sees too much of himself in them and it taints his reactions to them. To be fair the show doesn't give much chance to show off Splinter maybe he's had these moments with the turtles but we only have the show to go off and I think this fact is one of the points people who don't think Splinter is a good dad twig on. I'll also admit the one time we see Splinter hanging with a turtle that isn't agenda based is in the hidden city tales and there Draxum gets in the way. It's just the show seems to actively sabotage moments of Splinter being a good dad to his actual sons.

You can even see some of this behavior reflected in the turtles. The ditching Splinter or excluding him. The strict parenting attitude (mostly Donnie). The vanity (Leo mostly). The keeping secrets (none of them tell Splinter about Draxum in fact this is paralleled in the scene where Splinter realized the Foot are a thing to draw attention to it). Splinter is consistently shown prioritizing his own interests or wants or feelings over his sons.

NOW Splinter has several reasons for why he is the way he is. He's clearly going through depression. He had a strict grandfather as his only father figure. The loss of his mother had a big impact on him. I think the betrayal of Big Mama hit hard. The years and years of constant fighting in the Battle Nexus. The implied "duty and destiny" of the Hamato clan that was shoved on him. He also went from prisoner to single parent of 4 and also mutated into a freak in one night. All of those inform the reasons for WHY he's like this now.

But while they inform his character I don't think they should JUSTIFY his actions. However on the other hand his actions I don't think should CONDEMN his character. Splinter as the series goes on clearly grows WITH his sons. He tries to open up to them more. He more actively attempts to be involved in situations. He does his best to protect them. He clearly LOVES his sons.

Does love justify him? No. Not alone at any rate. However Splinter clearly does more than just pay lip service to the notion. When he realizes the problem when the boys are kidnapped, he clearly starts actively attempting to do better. Does he always stick the landing? NO. He's a person. He has flaws but he doesn't remain static either.

Honestly I think that's the best thing about this Splinter. I find it occasionally frustrating when people either make Splinter this empathetic emotionally open Dad who is here for his kids all the time and knows exactly what to say. I also find it frustrating when he's made out worse than he is being openly neglectful to the point of forcing Raph to be the adult (because while Raph has Eldest Child Syndrom he is clearly NOT that mature at the start of the series).

Splinter isn't the BEST dad. He's not the WORST either. He's trying and he's willing to admit his faults which is not something everyone can do which I think puts him in the "better than some dads" camp. And much like some people rant about how people focus too much on only certain aspects of the Turtles. I feel like the same could be extended to Splinter. He's more than his mimicked strict parenting techniques (from his grandfather) or his selfish nature or his familial love for his kids. He's a well rounded character that has some distinct flaws and really should be appreciated for all of them.

Alright rant over. For anyone who read this far. If you want to further the discussion I'd love to hear other thoughts. I think active literary discussion is fun and interesting and I appreciate you reading this to the end. Have a great day.

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

May I please request Peter with an s/o on the autism spectrum? I’m on the spectrum irl and I live for Peter content. This blog gives me life, istg.

I did some headcanons! aaaaa you're so sweet, thank you! ;w;

he's... he's trying XD

Sometimes he gets a little annoyed if (Name) doesn’t pick up on his sarcasm. Ain’t they been with him long enough to know how he talks? He might make a stupid remark about Wendy’s hair or something, only for his S/O to say, “Hey, that’s really mean, why would you say that to your sister??” That’s when he groans and starts sulking, and Wendy has to explain that he was just trying to be funny. Bonus points if, even once he gets better at not sulking, it slips his mind and he ends up making some comment that hurts his S/O’s feelings. When that happens, he can’t count on Wendy to explain or apologize; he has to put on the big boy pants and go do it himself, because he didn’t mean to hurt them.

As long as they don’t get offended should he happen to fall asleep, he’ll listen to them talk about their special interests/hyperfixations for as long as they want to talk. He simply might fall asleep half because he’s tired, and half because their voice is actually soothing. (… Well. Unless they raise their voice while talking because they’re passionate. In that case, he won’t fall asleep. Probably.) He makes sure he gives the appropriate noises while listening, until he starts to snore, and he may throw a couple of questions in as well. If nothing else, even if the thing they’re talking about is something he doesn’t really care about, it’s the fact that he listens because he cares about them.

Actually, the circus is not the worst environment for someone like (Name) who likely prefers a routine. Sure, the performances themselves are always different, and they may occasionally find themselves in the company of new people, but really, the way the circus goes about a ‘schedule’ is quite the same from day to day. Get up with Peter and the rest of the first-stringers to eat breakfast. Watch and/or help with practices. Walk around with Peter whilst he antagonizes newbies and friends alike with various comments. Practice some more. Have a small, cozy afternoon tea which is less a tea and more a snack. A little more practice. Help Peter (and Wendy, if they like) into costume as well as assist in touching up their makeup. Go listen to Joker’s usual pre-show pep talk. Sit in the audience and clap for all the performances… or perform if they’re so inclined. After that, mill around with Peter trying to get some tips. Once the audience disperses, it’s time to go lie down in bed and sleep while Peter goes off on the same business he does with the others every night that he won’t talk about. It’s up to (Name) whether or not they wake up once Peter slips back into bed, though. Then everything starts again in the morning. Some people think of it as a rut, Peter included, but he’s thankful that his S/O sees it as predictable and comforting!

Is spectacularly bad at handling meltdowns, in part because his own temper gets in the way. The best way he can handle them is to get worked up and drag his S/O off somewhere else. That may not be a good option depending on how they respond to being touched while upset, or whether a change of scenery will offer any relief; it’s still the least horrible way he can possibly respond to the situation. The very first time it happened, he got stuck in shouting, “Wot’s wrong?! Wot’s the problem?! Will y’ fuckin’ talk t’ me?!” which obviously only made things worse. After adjusting, and apologizing for yelling, he’s gotten a lot better at not freaking out alongside them. It stands that he’s just… not equipped to help them as much as he’d like to. Seeing them melt down makes him anxious, because he doesn’t want them to suffer, and unfortunately his reaction to anxiety is to get angry. He’ll get better at it as he learns, so right now, he just knows that getting them away from whatever initially caused the meltdown (crowds/sensory overload, a specific trigger, loud noises, etc.) is the best thing he can do. Even if his methods for doing so are a little rough, he’s trying his hardest to help.

[cedarbranch]

for the fanfic writer ask meme: 2-4, 30-35, 41-50, and 77!

wheee thank u!! this is so many omg (/pos) definitely putting these under a cut lol

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

when DOESN'T this happen honestly... most recently, steve's mom insisted that she MUST make an appearance in my stranger things wip, but the first instance of this happening on a dramatic scale was wayyyyy back when i was writing my frerard ghost au. frank decided to have more significant Issues than i originally intended which ended up with me rewriting half the fic from scratch (which now i do more often than not)

3. on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

hmmm... 9! i love romance :) i love writing Romance As Exploration. figuring out what makes characters tick, then how and why they'd make each Other tick. i do struggle with writing entirely romance-centric stories though, it tends to be one plot thread out of many

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

jeeeez... there are SO many ideas i've written and then abandoned... keeping it to ones i actually intend to finish, it's gotta be my pacific rim chance-meeting fic, but part 5 of magnolia 'verse comes as a very close second! i think about it constantly. i know exactly why i haven't written it yet: it's partially because... i HAVE written part of it (i rewrote the same 20k of the intro 5 fucking times), and also because after those 5 times i lost the hyperfixation and have been caught up in other fandoms ever since. still Thinking About It though.

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

i'm not gonna hunt down the exact quote, but there's a post floating around here disparaging the idea of going to an art museum and saying "i could do that!" in an insulting way because yeah - you could! the only difference between the artist in the museum and you is the fact that they Did and you Didn't. that concept was big for me. it's a great reminder that nothing i do has to be perfect, i just have to make it Exist. the first step to being a writer is words on the page

31. tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write?

oh that's so tough, i have so many i love writing!! in terms of who makes me giggle and kick my feet the most, though, gotta be eddie in my stranger things wip or newt geiszler. love me a character who is an Annoying Little Shit On Purpose

32. do characters influence your writing style?

i would say less characters and more the source material itself. i'm someone who likes to match character/narrative voices as closely as possible, so the way i write dialogue obviously reflects that and changes from fandom to fandom. it's not always super noticeable, but i think it shows the most when i'm writing pacific rim or hannibal. (writing hannibal fic is its own beast, that's the only one that's really changed my entire approach to writing and not just dialogue)

33. do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

they inform one another so closely it's hard to separate them! i guess the first inklings of plot are where it begins, and then the characters generate what the rest of it looks like.

34. how do you name characters and places?

most of the time i don't have to bc i'm primarily writing fic ❤️ but on those rare occasions when i'm writing original fiction, it's purely based on vibes.

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

literally any character i'm invested in. i'm always most compelled by characters who are very much unlike me, especially the bitter angry types. right now it's will graham :3 i love RIGHTEOUS RAGE yay yippeee!!!

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

hmmm. quite possibly the crack fic i wrote for tma where jon is confronted with the horrors of homestuck. (IN MY DEFENSE: WAS NOT ACTUALLY MY IDEA, WAS WRITTEN AT A FRIEND'S REQUEST, but i did make it exist).

42. describe the aesthetic of a story in 5 words.

ough this is Hard. i can give a bad 5-word summary of a fic, but its aesthetic? let me give it a shot for the hannigram wip: bloody knuckles, sick with yearning

43. how did writing change you?

got me a girlfriend :)

serious answer: i am always thinking about craft when interacting with any kind of written art. i deconstruct, i nitpick, i analyze. sometimes it's criticizing bad writing from a place of love (as with stranger things), sometimes i'm frustrated by what could've been done much better (THE MAGICIANS!!), sometimes i'm just in awe of the skill of the creators (succession, hannibal).

44. any writing advice you want to share?

for fic writers: don't stop reading actual books!!

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

three is too few!! i'll just say i'm currently rockin with emungere and zipegs, and always w my gf @stoplightglow :)

46. what time are you the most productive when it comes to writing?

hmmm. late evening, maybe?

47. what story are you most proud of?

in terms of completed works, moth to light. for my entire body of work including what's yet unfinished, my hannigram wip! (it'll have a title... eventually)

48. do you reread your own stories?

oh absolutely. partially just because it's fun, but mostly as a learning exercise! it's helpful to get some distance from a fic and then go back and see how reading it feels compared to how writing it felt. gives me a sense of whether my intentions came across how i meant them to in the end. also lets me identify some of the flaws i'd like to work on!

49. do you want to be published some day?

i don't really know! i used to want to be a novelist once i'd "gotten good enough" by practicing with fic, but i've since realized that fic and original fiction are very different skill sets and i'm just not as interested in writing original work. i do have a few short pieces that i'd like to finish one day and i hope they'd be publishable but it's sooo intimidating to have a partner who actually is a successfully published author and get a firsthand look at how much rejection and persistence it involves :'D i think i'd like to give it a shot when i'm ready, whenever that is. maybe for poetry too!

50. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

i plan obsessively. my planning documents are pages and pages of outlining, character notes, snippets of scenes i want to write, etc. but to be fair the actual act of writing once i sit down to it is whatever springs to my mind, the story often takes off and guides itself into deeper levels of nuance from there

77. how do you write kissing scenes?

ummm. they're kinda formulaic in my work tbh which is smth i want to change... i do think my kiss scenes are improving as the rest of my writing improves, though! there's one in the hannigram wip i'm pretty fond of. will kisses hannibal and then punches him in the face ❤️ for the second time that evening

[witheringvoice]

Sense - A Poem

TW: I guess just usually depression shit, kinda childhood trauma mentions? no specifics

It doesn't make any.

None of it does.

I don't.

The way I act doesn't.

The way I've programmed myself never has.

The world never has, and probably never will.

I guess I like that chaos of never truly knowing.

But it hurts so much.

When I think of the word childhood.

What comes to mind is fighting, yelling, and walking on eggshells.

I also think of video games, junk food, scene-it...

But immediately I'm thrown into a position where I'm trying to keep out of, but still, keep an eye on all the arguing.

I hated it so much, all of it, but I had to make sure it didn't get physical.

Even if I couldn't stop it when it did, nor did I try.

I was a little girl, never have I been strong.

Because of constant arguing, and getting both parties against me if I cried or butted in, I became a crybaby.

At school.

I got bullied, in their eyes, I could see them calling me spoiled.

But I was a teacher's pet, smart, kind, so I was used too, fake friends.

In elementary school, I was forced to confess that I had crushes when I didn't.

I didn't even know what that would feel like or who I liked.

I just picked a random popular boy every time, so they'd not be weirded out.

I knew nothing of being on the asexual spectrum, I just thought I had to pretend to get crushes.

It backfired, I was forced to confess once, it was a hellish year.

I taught myself to keep quiet, not to confess any inner feelings, not to open up, not to express what I like.

That last one was from my brother.

He has, strong opinions.

He means well, he's become a better brother.

Less, angry.

Since my way of coping was always, hyperfixate to find comfort, escapism, and joy in that.

...Getting what I clung onto as my saving grace, my life line, hurt.

I grew trust issues, attachment issues, and abandonment issues, from all of my mom's relationships.

Boyfriend after boyfriend, even if they were kinda shitty.

I was a fatherless little girl desperate for that figure.

Now men make me uncomfortable because my mom also had some distasteful friends that are no longer around for our safety.

Now I trust them less, and I just trust less in general.

I don't befriend, because I assume they'll leave anyway.

If not for because I'm annoying and mentally unstable, just because they always leave.

But I also get attached way too easily, I crave friendship.

I'm desperate for someone to talk to, for validation.

But it takes so long for me to get comfortable, there's not even a point to it.

I've taught myself so much.

Because of, maybe extremes, I overexaggerated my means of "protection."

I have strong anxiety, I am silent unless necessary, I get what I need done and then I move on to the next thing.

I don't have time for breaks, I don't have enough trust to make friends.

I'm never safe.

If I'm not this quiet, shy, untalkative person I'll piss everyone off.

If I'm loud and talkative, I'll get annoying.

Being unfiltered, rambling on and on, and being someone with just a casual physical contact desire, I'll get annoying quick.

So I'm the complete opposite.

I'm really awkward about everything, I need to be told what to do and where to sit to not make someone uncomfortable.

I don't talk unless given a reason to, I speak as briefly as possible with as much thought and filtration possible.

Why?

Why do I do that?

It's not me...

But will people only like me for that me they see?

I'm sarcastic and blunt...

Chaotic, dark-humored, depressed, touchy, loud.

But they know me as sweet, quiet, anxious, smart...

Would they still like me?

When I get too comfortable and slip up they seem fine.

But if I let it all out, let the walls crumble.

Would that truly be fine?

No.

That would be impossible.

Who would not find me annoying?

I will share everything, the most useless things, the important things.

I'll blabber on and on, I'll ramble, share so many thoughts, trauma dump, word vomit.

I don't mean to!

It just happens, casually.

I do it sometimes to figure out my thoughts too, because if I say it out loud I have to reprocess it, and if I talk through it, it makes it understandable or less so.

I just like the feeling of talking, and being listened to.

But, I'm used to listening, the only person I did open up to the most got annoyed of my word vomits.

Who wouldn't?

Of course, my sister got sick of me going on and on about everything I thought, of course, she couldn't even process it all, of course, it hurt me not to be fully heard, of course, I brushed it off.

And that's where my fear, my anxieties, of letting myself get too comfortable come from.

I am a menace, I will sling an arm around your shoulder, hug you from behind, rest my head on your shoulder, or on your back, ask for a handshake and then hold your hand...

I am physical contact-oriented, I am word-oriented, I am annoying.

I can't let the people I'm closest to, most comfortable with, care about most, see that side and get tired of me.

...If that happens my heart might finally shatter.

I might finally give up.

I try so hard, and I'm trying to open up.

Because I know, that all of this may be too extreme.

I could have just, become a jokester to keep the peace, but I became silent.

So silent I lost my voice for almost a week once, fully could not speak.

I was terrified.

I am trying, but it's hard.

And my excuses just aren't cutting it for me.

But I can't get out of this loop.

It just doesn't make fucking sense.