#is it too obvious i came up with this at 3am?

[theoriginalsapphic]

Let me steal this moment from you now: Max, Will, Vecna and memories

This is a theory loosely based on BirthdayGate and me rewatching The Hunger Games due to its ongoing reinassance on tiktok and not being able to sleep at three in the morning.

BirthdayGate is the theory that Vecna has been manipulating Will’s memories to basically isolate him from others and making him an easier target (this is an oversimplification of the theory and I may have gotten some things wrong, so keep that in mind).

In the third and final book of the trilogy, Mockingjay, Peeta is held captive by President Snow and used against Katniss. During his captivity, he was tortured, beaten, and hijacked using tracker jacker venom to distort his memories of Katniss until he believed she was a mutt trying to kill him. Essentially, they turned him into a weapon.

Both BirthdayGate and Peeta’s plot in Mockingjay have one thing in common: mind control through brainwashing and psychological torture, which, also happens to be one of the main objectives of MKUltra, a non-fictional illegal human-experimentation program that was developed and overtaken by the CIA between 1953 and 1973, and that in the show is represented through Dr. Brenner and the Hawkins laboratory.

Stay with me; I swear I’m going somewhere.

Vecna messing with someone’s memories wouldn’t be a new thing. In fact, this concept has already been introduced in the fourth season, heavily foreshadowed by this particular song.

Right before the battle against Vecna, Max has the theory that, because she managed to escape through remembering the people that she loves, the best place to hide from Vecna would be to hide in her happiest memory.

Solid theory, all things considered. That is something that the characters got right; Vecna feeds of the darkness inside people (their fears, their traumas, and their guilt), so it would be logical to hide somewhere that represents the complete opposite of his source of power: their light, their strength, etc.

However, the characters underestimated how powerful Vecna truly is, and how capable he is of entering and messing with people’s minds. Max believed that hiding in a happy memory would save her because it did the first time, but he still managed to find her the second time around.

So, how does what happened to Max in season 4 relates to Will and Vecna?

Well, for starters, I just demonstrated why Vecna ruining someone’s happiest memories wouldn’t be a new concept at all.

Something that has been mentioned a couple of times it’s how little Will mentions what happened to him during that week he spent in the Upside Down. As a matter of fact, we know very little of what happened to him during that week, and if anything, what little have we learned about has just provoked more questions (way too many to write them in this post).

However, something that I don’t see mentioned as frequently it’s that we don’t really know much about what Will went through with Lonnie, except through third-party recounts, like Joyce telling Hopper Lonnie used to call Will slurs, or Jonathan remembering the first time he showed him The Clash after Lonnie failed to pick him up for a baseball game.

This is even more peculiar when considering that all the other characters that have experienced abuse in the show have been seen interacting with their abuser and, more or less, react to their actions (Joyce and Lonnie, Jonathan and Lonnie, Billy and Neil, Max and Billy, El and Brenner).

But the point is, we have never seen Will interact with Lonnie or even mention Lonnie. The only time Will mentions his dad is in a flashback that is remembered by Jonathan (who, unlike Will, has named Lonnie several times).

Just like with his trauma with the Upside Down, we don’t know much about his trauma with his dad.

In a regular world, with non-supernatural interference, this could be a completely expected response to trauma:

"Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain events, often associated with stress or trauma, leaving the person unable to remember important personal information." "According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), dissociative amnesia often occurs due to traumatic or stressful events, such as childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect. Dissociative amnesia can also stem from issues relating to personal identity and past experiences." "This forgetting may be limited to certain specific areas (thematic) or may include much of your life history and/or identity (general)."

So, what if Vecna’s intention is to manipulate Will’s happy memories so those memories can’t save them the way they saved him back in season 2? Just like Vecna did the second time he faced Max.

In fact, what happens if these memories have been manipulated so they are no longer happy and instead bring him pain and anguish? What if the only memories that remain untouched inside his mind are the ones he wishes he could forget, the ones that were once repressed, so his own mind can be used against him? Just like Peeta Mellark in Mockingjay.

"Occasionally, a person may be able to suddenly recall these traumatic or abusive events, also known as recovered memories. Alternatively, a person may have false memories of a situation, or inaccurate memories that can be influenced by others or created to fill in gaps. Unfortunately, because a person may genuinely believe that these memories are accurate, it can be challenging to differentiate them from reality."

If what saved Max the first time she faced Vecna were happy memories…

Coincidentally, Will is the only party member that doesn't appear in Max's memories while the lyrics 'Let me steal this moment from you now' are being sung.

...triggered by a song she loves...

…then what happens when that person has no happy memories left to grasp on? What happens when those memories that formed the individual are gone, and the person loses what made their identity? If you lose everything that makes you, you, then who are you anymore? What happens when there is no light to escape to anymore?

This started as a theory about Will but now I’m concerned what will happen with Max when she wakes up.

[strniohoeee]

Amorous

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader ⚠️SMUT⚠️

Synopsis: Chris and Y/N never have alone time, so they decided to go for night drive, and take a pit stop🤫

Warnings⚠️: this is smut based on my request I just got! It’s obvious there’s sex, but it’s nothing intense. It’s pretty short imagine too🫶🏽

Song for the imagine: Wus good/Curious-PARTYNEXTDOOR

⚠️This is a 18+ imagine so minors DO NOT INTERACT⚠️

Chris and I had been dating for about a year now, and we loved spending time together going on dates, shopping, watching movies together, laughing and overall just enjoying each other's company. However he did live with his brothers, so they would usually join us on certain things like movies and games.

Although Chris had the downstairs room it still made it insanely impossible for us to have true alone time. Matt and Nick always wanted to sleep in his room, or stay with us watching movies till 3am. We loved them dearly, but sometimes Chris and I really needed alone time, and by that I mean we really needed to have sex

The last time we actually had decent sex was a good two months ago, and it was decent because as soon as we finished Matt came barging in the room looking for something of his he left the night prior. So it 100% ruined any lasting mood we might’ve had.

The most we have been able to do in the past two months was over the clothes stuff, and 10 minute quickies in the shower, but we were yearning for some dirty intense love making.

Chris had asked me if I wanted to take a drive with him. Honestly I wanted to stay home, but I know what he wanted, and I knew Nick and Matt would be home soon, so I agreed.

It was 9pm when he decided to take us for a “drive”

“Where are we headed baby?” I asked him as I shuffled his music library

“I’m thinking that little secluded area up on that hill” he said looking over at me

“Ahhh yesss where everyone goes to fuck” I said laughing

He sucks his teeth and looks at me “babe”

“Sorry! I’m serious though. Are you taking me there to fuck?” I said wiggling my brows

“I mean…..we can’t get more than 10 minutes alone, and I really need to fuck the shit out of you” he said glancing over at me

“True. I’ve been needing this too” I said kissing his hand that I was holding

We had gotten up to the hillside, and surprisingly there were no cars, and it was pitch black. All we could see were the city lights overhead

Chris had put the car in park, and turned the outside lights off, so it was extra dark, but he turned the lights on, on the inside.

“You looks so good right now” I told him as the warm light reflected off his facial structure and his blue eyes

“Oh yeah?” He said in a smug way

“Let’s go to the back,” I said. We got out of the car and opened up the back doors, putting down the seats in the van.

We both hopped back into the car, and immediately Chris pulled me down into him to kiss him. As we were kissing Wus good by PARTYNEXTDOOR started playing

“Look at that! It’s a sign” he said with a goofy smile

“You’re so corny” I said before going back to kissing him, he started to kiss down to my jawline and neck peppering light kisses. We slowly started to remove our clothes

I started palming Chris’ dick, but he grabbed my hand and stopped me

“Although this feels so fucking good. I’m trying to cum from fucking you, so please no more with the hands” he said laughing

“Sorry baby I can’t help myself” I said kissing him again

“Want me to fuck you, or you wanna ride” he asked? Massaging my boob

“Can I ride” I asked moaning as he’s groping my breasts

“Fuck yeah” he said. I didn’t need much foreplay because I was so dick deprived just looking at Chris had me wet

I hovered over his cock, and he helped me align himself to my entrance, and slowly I started to sink down onto him. My mouth falling slack at the stretch

“Fuck Chris I forgot how big you are” I said as I bottomed out

“Don’t boost my ego baby” he said, grabbing my chin and pulling me in for a kiss. I began to bounce on his dick immediately moaning at how good this felt

“Chris you don’t know how badly I needed this” I said as I continued to bounce on his dick

“Fuck Y/N use me. Milk me of all my cum please baby” he said running his hands up my sides and gripping my breasts

“Oh fuck” I said throwing my head back

I started to clench down On Chris, and he let out a whine that sent shivers down my spine

“Whine like that again, and I swear I’ll fucking cum so hard” I said looking down at him. He had both his hands behind his head propping his head up a little bit.

“Fuck if it means I get to see your beautiful face as you cum all over me I’ll keep doing it” He said biting his lip

I moaned at this and started grinding against him. My clit hitting his pelvic bone in a delicious manner. I continued to clench down on him as I grinded against him. His dick pounding against my g spot

“Chris im gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, can I please cum” I asked grinding faster

“Yes baby cum, cum for me please cum all over my cock” he said in such a raspy voice, and with that I was cumming all over his cock. Shaking and falling limp down on him.

Chris grabbed my ass and pounded up into me chasing his release, and this made me moan from the over stimulation, and hearing Chris’ grunting in my ear

“I think I’m going to cum again” I said sobbing into his neck

With that Chris came in me whining and moaning and shaking, and seconds later I came on his dick for a second time a mixture of our cum running down his dick

“That was so well needed” he said kissing me as we came down from our highs

“Oh god yes. I don’t know how I lasted that long” I said slowly starting to sit up, so I could get off of him

“Me neither, I needed that badly” he said as I got off of him searching for something to clean us up with

“Oh Matt left napkins in the glovebox” he said, and I reached over grabbing napkins to clean ourselves off with

After cleaning ourselves off we got back into our clothes and fixed the back seats. Chris threw the napkins on the floor outside

“Chris don’t litter” I said getting back into the car

“Oh yeah let me carry around a cum covered tissue to properly dispose of it” he said sarcastically

“Oh shut the fuck up” I said smacking him on his arm

As we got situated and he turned the car lights back on he got a call from Nick

“Sup bro” he said as he put the car into reverse

“Where the fuck yall went we have a car video to film” Nick said

“Oh shit my bad I didn’t realize the time. Y/N and I went out to eat and then went to see a movie” he said lying straight out his ass

“Yeah well it’s 12pm get home so we can film” Matt said from a distance

“Alright we should be back in 20. Be ready to hop in so we can film” they replied with okay, and he hung up

“Chris they’re going to know we fucked” I said laughing

“No they will not! We cleaned everything up” he said grabbing my hand

“Yeah let’s hope” I said blushing

After 20 minutes we arrived at their house, and he reached out to his brothers saying he was ready to pick them up. They got to the car, and hopped in the back seat.

“Y/N I MISSED YOUU” Nick said all giddy

“I missed you too Nick” I said laughing at him

Matt got in the car, but squinted his eyes before saying anything

“It smells like sex in here” Matt said looking at both Chris and I

“What the fuck you saying kid” Chris said

“It smells like sweaty hot sex” he said laughing, and Chris reached back to smack his brother

“Shut the fuck up” Chris said

“Omg omg wait yall fucked in here” Nick said getting loud, I slightly nodded at him

“OH MY GOD YALL FUCKED IN HERE AND I JUST SAT IN HERE AND PUT MY SNACK DOWN IN THE AREA YALL FUCKED IN?? IM SICK” Nick said screaming and thrashing around

“Nick shut the fuck up and calm down” Chris said getting annoyed

“CALM DOWN I DONT WANT TO SIT WHERE YALL FUCKED” he said pretending to cry

“Grow up” Matt said laughing at him

After 10 more minutes of that. They decided to finally drive to a location and film their YouTube video. Nick is ever so often being reminded of what just went on an hour prior.

And all Chris can do is give Y/N small smiles and flirty smirks here and there.

The End

For the person who requested this I HOPE it was good😭😭 as of right now my requests are still open. I’m currently working on Matt imagine, and then I have to work on a friendship imagine again🤭🤭

-J💅🏽

[upsidedownmvnson]

my hero | eddie munson

“Eddie,” you whisper, stolen phone held close to your face as you look around the room. He hasn’t picked up the phone and you're afraid he wont answer, but he does, he always does.

“Eddie!” you whisper again, relieved but still in fight or flight. “I’m at a party.”

“Y/N? what the hell? It’s like 3AM, Wayne was asleep…”

“Eddie listen, please. You have to help me I don’t feel real anymore.”

“You don’t feel real?” his frustration quickly dissolved, as it always did with you, and replaced with only concern. Wayne too.

“Will you help me, please?” you sounded so small. Eddie was already putting on his jacket, listening to you intently as you babbled about your fuzzy head.

“Babe, I need you to breath, okay? It’s just me and you talking, ya? Just take a breath, and tell me where to go, and I’ll come okay? I’m coming right now, just tell me where to go, baby.”

When he finally coerced enough of an answer from you, he was out the door, rushing to your aid. He was speeding down deserted streets to get to you, sick with worry. He felt like this was somehow his fault.

You guys were friends because you tutored him. At first he hated it, but he grew to like you... a lot... so he kept going, just to spend time with you. And you guys had been working together earlier when you dropped a bomb that some basketball prick had asked you out to this stupid house party - the one he was currently rescuing him from - and it had led to a small fight. Eddie didn't remember exactly what he said but it was something along of the lines of "don't come crawling to me when he doesn't call you back."

Eddie was just jealous, and he knew that. He should've just told you the truth, but instead he just got mad, defensive. He really had no right and he knew that, as far as he knew, you got paid to tutor him. Paid to be in his life.

He parked like shit and ran into the house, looking for you. He drew everyone's eyes, but he didn't care. He figured you'd be in a bedroom, since there was no one by the phone in the kitchen. His heart raced as he ran up the stairs, opening every door without hesitation.

He knocked on one door and was met with you yelling, "go away!"

Thank fuck, he thought, knocking again. "It's me, it's Eddie."

The door flew open a second later, and you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Eddie guided you back into the room and closed the door.

"You came," you cried, pushing your face deeper into his chest. He melted into you, wrapping his arms around your an holding you close. You were fine, you were with him. His hands soothed you, spreading warmth everywhere they touched you.

"Of course I came," Eddie said, like it was an obvious thing. "What happened?"

"Too many drinks," you mumbled, squeezing him tighter. "You were right," you cried, "he never called."

"I wasn't right," he said, quietly. "I'm sorry I was so mean to you."

"S'ok Eddie," you mumbled, you pulled back from him enough to look up at his face. He looked so soft, eyes filled with worry and care for you. Your tear stained cheeks made his chest tighten, and he wished he could take away your pain, and sadness. "He never called, or picked me up so I just came by myself," you explained, eyes welling up with more tears, making the knife in Eddie's chest spun. "And made friends with some girls and had some drinks and then, and then-" you choked on a little cry.

"Then what, sweetheart?" Eddie cupped your cheeks, brushing his thumbs along the apples of your cheeks, clearing them of the wild tears, leaving flushed skin across your cheeks and nose. His hands found place on either side of your face, gently forcing you to look up at him. Every move was tender and comforting.

"Then Chance showed up with his friends and they all laughed at me," you pushed yourself back into his chest, your shoulders rising and falling with frantic crying. Eddie just held you, keeping you close and giving any comfort he can. His own eyes got hazy just from hearing your sad little whimpers.

"Will you take me home?" you mumbled, slightly muffled by his chest.

"Yeah," he said, "course, sweetheart. Let me just..." He pulled away to properly wipe all the tears off your cheeks.

You looked up at him again, and he felt his heart melt. He had a big crush on you, and he already knew that, but it had manifested by teasing you while you tried to help him with algebra. But it was different now, he still wanted to do that, but he also wanted to hold you, love you, know you. Even with tear stained cheeks and shitty guest room lighting, you still looked beautiful.

Eddie wondered what rumours would fly around the school as you led him by the hand out the front door. All eyes were on the two of you, but you didn't seem bothered by it. In fact, he was surprised about how casually you connected yourself to him in front of all these people. Eddie wasn't exactly popular, but you never seemed to treat him different from anyone else.

He couldn't stop thinking all of these nice things about you as he walked towards to van.

"Thanks for coming, Eddie," you said again, as he opened the passenger door for you.

As you climbed in he said, "Anytime, babe."

You had to wonder if he knew that he was sending butterflies on a rampage in your stomach everytime he called you sweetheart, or baby. If you were honest with him, you should've stopped tutoring him months ago. You'd stopped tutoring when you got a job at the bowling alley in town, but you just didn't want to stop seeing him. So even though you weren't getting paid anymore, you kept going to the library at 3pm on Tuesday, and Thursday. That's when you would get a full hour, sometimes two, of totally uninterrupted time with Eddie.

But that was your little secret. Eddie had no idea.

"Why did he do that?" you asked once Eddie was driving. He reached over the middle to scoop up your hand, and hold it softly in his. He brushed his thumb over yours.

"Those guys are assholes," Eddie muttered, "it's not even worth thinking about."

You made a sad noise in response, looking out the window at the dingy street lights.

"Chance is an idiot," he reassured, mocking tone over his name. "I bet you a thousand bucks he regrets what he's done as soon as he sees your pretty smile at school on Monday."

You hiccuped. The memory of the many drinks you had at the party was still fresh. And your stomach swirled suddenly.

"Time for bed," you said, slumping against the seat.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get you to bed all right," he joked, winking your way. You blushed, sinking into the seat a little more. You smiled a little. "Awh, there it is. Just trying to make you smile, that's all."

The rest of the ride was mostly silent. Eddie's stereo playing something quiet. Your hands were still weaved together, and you were hesitant to remove yourself when he stopped in front of your house. He took his seatbelt off, but stayed by your side, looking at you with those puppy dog eyes. You could feel yourself falling into them, so you pulled your eyes away, forcing yourself to push those feelings down.

"Thank you for everything," you whispered, voice hoarse from all the sobbing. "Maybe sometime we hang out it won't be about math or me crying," you joked. When you got out of the car, Eddie followed; being the gentleman he is, he walked you to the door. You fished the keys out of your pocket.

"I'd like that," he said, no edge to voice. No smirk or grin or joke. He really would like that.

You unlocked the door, and even though you didn't want to, and he didn't want you to... you left him for the evening. Chance was long forgotten, and new feelings of appreciation brewing for Eddie. Maybe there was something there. Suddenly... it didn't seem that unrequited.

And you two continued on, but it was all different. While studying before you were very goal oriented, but now, you found yourself lulling into easy conversation with Eddie, finding the time to be sidetracked by every question he asked you. And he felt it too, you were more open to him, more welcoming to his flirtatious teasing.

Instead of meeting at the library, he tried to catch you at your locker, or leaving class, just to have those extra moments to walk with you.

Your favourite part, was that it wasn't just two scheduled days anymore. He would seek you out everyday. He'd come join you in the cafeteria, just to ask you a million questions about your book but never let you actually read it and, "ignore all the great things right in front of you."

Even when the Hellfire club looked at him with questioning looks as he sat elsewhere, he just wanted to talk to you. They never said anything about it, they couldn't ignore the genuine smile across his face every time he spoke to you.

Today, you weren't anywhere to be found after class, so he made his way over to the library.

Everytime you studied, you guys were in study room two, so Eddie headed there without much thought. When he opened the door, two random students were in there, scared by the intrusion. He mumbled out a little apology and closed the door as quickly as he opened it, a little too loud, drawing a few eyes in the library.

He found you by the desk, whisper talking to the librarian. You were talking about him.

"...and Eddie in study room two."

"The study rooms are designated for the in school tutoring program, you know that."

"What's going on?" Eddie asked, smiling at your cute little angry face as you huffed and crossed your arms. The librarian left you two, after all, there was nothing she could do.

"They booked out our study room over me," you said. He didn't care about that at all, but his heart fluttered at the sight of you. You were just so fuckin' cute.

"We can just do it somewhere else," he said, putting a hand on your elbow to gently rotate you away from the desk. You let him lead you to an open table. He would admit, it left for less opportunity for him to flirt which he didn't like, and you'd have to whisper.

You started opening your books, and the librarians answer lingered in his mind. "Hey, aren't we in the tutoring program though?" And it made a wild blush flash across your cheeks, and he grin, thinking he found something. "Hey, what's got you blushin'?"

And that too made you blush. You whispered, "stop it," and tried to reel him back into the textbook, but he didn't bite.

"Hmm," he teased, leaning towards you with his fits under his chin, watching your features. "I don't know, I'm dyin' to know what makes those cheeks light up, I saved you, you know."

"My hero..." you mumbled, "I couldn't be in the program anymore if I took the job at the bowling alley," you admitted, wanting to sink into oblivion. "And I kept showing up so I guess they never reassigned you."

"Wait," he grinned, his eyes flashing down to watch as you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth. "You just wanted to see me bad enough to do it for free, huh?"

"Don't say it like that," you whispered, wishing you could sink into your clothes. Maybe get totally raptured out of here. If you blushed any longer you were sure that your cheeks were going to stain that way.

"Hey, c'mon," he said softly, hooking his finger under your chin to bring your gaze up to him. "It's cute, I appreciate it a lot."

"I just liked hanging out with you," you admitted, conjuring up a smile. He smiled back.

"Shoulda told me, we could've not been doing algebra this whole time." You laughed, and still he wouldn't look at any of the work. "Hey, let me take you somewhere else to study."

"Will we actually study?"

"I'm shocked by such a tone, sounds like you assume I have ulterior motives."

"Because I just know that you do!" you laughed, only to be shushed by the librarian. You two made your way out of the library anyway, "I've never been shushed before."

"I'm a bad influence," he mused, smiling at you.

He insisted on carrying your bag after you packed up your books, he only had his textbook and a beaten up notebook tucked under one arm. He would be happy to do this everyday, escort your wherever you needed to go, chauffeur you around town, he didn't care. He just wanted you to be safe and well taken care of.

"Where are we going?" you asked, when you realized he was leading you out of the school.

"Well, that depends on two things." Eddie stopped when you two were in the parking lot, right beside his van.

"What are those two things?"

"The first is; do you trust me?"

You looked at him for a second, and with a soft smile you answered, "I do."

"The second is; are you dying to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?"

The blush on your cheeks was clear, and the anxiety in the back of his mind calling him crazy for asking was roaring. But you shuffled your shoe, and without looking at him mumbled, "I am."

Eddie smiled at what he heard. He dropped your bag so he could scoop up your face with both of his hands, cupping your cheeks lovingly and looking at you before leaning down to place his lips on yours. He kissed you like he'd been dying and you were the antidote. His lips were tender, but dominate. He tasted like stale weed and spearmint gum, and you were totally lost in him. The way his arms moved to your waist to hold you close, as if this was his only chance. As if when you parted it would be over.

By the end you were both smiling so much it was hard to kiss. When he finally had to seperate, he kept you close, sneaking a hand back onto your cheek, giving you something to lean into while you slowly regained your breath.

"Could kiss you all day," he whispered, leaning his forehead against yours.

You looked at him and nodded eagerly, biting your swollen lip. "Yes, let's do that."

He laughed, kissing you on the forehead a few quick times. "What's the rush, petal? We've got all the time in the world."

[chiipay]

I loved the scary dog privilege post!!!!! Can you do one with Karasu, Barou, kunigami, Kaiser and Isagi please 🥹🙏

Karasu? Wow new but alr ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ i no no had no idea how kansai accent work so...just use normal dialogue then ◉⁠‿⁠◉

KBOOM 💥- KARASU

" karasu...? W- why are you here-?.. it's early.."

You rubbed your sleepy eyes as you face karasu's taller figure. It's 3am- why is he here? You look at him noticing he's still wide awake.

" yer moron. Could say the same thing about yer too y'know? It's a freaking 3 in the morning. The hell yer' here?"

His grin widening after seeing you lost for words. He was just walking around in the neighborhood for sum fresh air he just came by coincidence to see you walking in the convenience store grabbing some snacks.

"....hungry. what about you?"

" just passing by to kill some time."

" cool."

You walked into the front cashier with karasu following you from behind and placed your snacks there. You began to snuck into your pocket, searching for your wallet before you realised you forgot to bring it.

' OH SHIT '

”... dang-"

You look to the cashier while trying to get your words out of you but it came out none. A loud silence in the awkward moment before karasu let out a big sigh behind you.

" figure that out, yer stupid. Here."

He put some cash into the table before eyeing the cashier before he dragged you out along with the snacks.

(this makes no sense at all- uhh if you guys don't like it tell me alr? I'll try thinking something up.)

Rawr rawr - BAROU

You and barou are at a fancy restaurant he pulled you into. He decided to celebrate his salary about football with you but wouldn't tell you that. He didn't want to make it obvious. So he just decided to drag you out of your own home so you would go out with him.

" is it good?"

He asked you while sipping on his own cup as he looked at you devouring your whole dessert like a starving man.

"humm?y- yea. Really good! Why didn't you bring me earlier?? This dessert is nuts! "

You gave him a small thumbs up while still having your spoon shoved in your mouth. He closed his eyes ignoring how messy you ate it.

" it just opened a few days ago. I brought you here as soon as possible since you really have such a sweet tooth."

"mhmm! You know me too well, barou!"

You had a small conversation with barou for a bit more before a waiter came up to you two and put your new food.

"oh!-"

You look at your supposed to be ' omelette rice ' but somehow came out to be just....fried rice. Dang- did you ordered it wrong? You sure you said it right. You didn't say anything for a bit but barou seems to have noticed it and decided to take action on it.

Barou slammed his fist into the table hard enough to make the waiter startled by it.

" sorry but- she asked for an omelette rice. Not a fucking fried rice."

His voice startled the waiter as it bowed their head down in apologies before they started to pick your plate again and boom gone.

"...you could be a bit nicer bro."

" don't bro me."

" okay."

(I'M SORRY I'LL DO THE OTHER THREE TOMORROW!! COULD YOU WAIT?? I'M SO SORRY 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏)

[aphroditesmoon]

umm, you’re taking Gwen x reader? I have a request. Black cat reader who was best friends with Gwen and Peter but is the rival of Spider woman. Something or another happens and their identity’s get revealed

love it if we made it

gwen stacy x blackcat!reader (gn)

warnings: cursing, tiny angst, gwen's peter is alive here, reader has hair long enough to tie them (only description)

a/n: i rlly hope u like this!

°°°°°

A robbery happened on a Tuesday, 6th July 3AM sharp. A robbery in a golden jewelry store. A minute after that, the Pandora store next to it.

No one cared about the robbery, of course. People were too busy talking about the anonymous donation worth more than 15000 the next day to three different centres in need of them.

Gwen Stacy's mind however, is still stuck at a particular difficult nemesis, the black cat. She's never failed to capture a villain like this, never took this long. But again and again, with time, the annoyingly quick and sneaky cat escapes from her grasps.

It was probably obvious that she wasn't too enthralled by any of the breaking news today, all of them critiquing the infamous Spider-Woman for being unable to get her webs on the villain. Her mind was so full and blurry with different kinds of thoughts that she didn't notice her own best friend walking into class and waving at her.

You took your spot next to Gwen, creaking your chair loudly to get her attention. When she finally flinches out of hee daydream and looks at you, she's met with a knowing smile. "Sleeping? Its not even the first period yet." She shook her head and forced a smile out. "No, just dreading AP maths." You laughed at that. Gwen was good at maths, and all the stupid numbers and figures that came with it, that couldn't have been the reason.

"Well, whatever it is, I need you took a little alive for this gift im about to-" "Gift?" Her eyes brighten up immediately. You grinned at her and pulled out the small paperbag, waving it in front of her.

Gwen, impatient she is, snatches it from you and gets to opening its ribbons open. "It's not even my birthday." She mumbles. "Good, now you can't ask me for anything on your birthday." You settled it, earning a mischievous smirk from her. She knows, you would've given her anything if she'd only asked.

You revel in her suprised expression as she pulls out the golden bracelet, it was a waving design, two long whirling gold around in a circle, with a small blue diamond placed in the middle. "You are insane." She says, glaring your way. "What? Can't treat my girl?" The both if you turn slightly pink with those words. You should've just said your welcome.  "The blue reminded me of you. A centerpiece around all the golden whirly shit." She lets out a small laugh, shaking her head. "I love it, thank you." You replied with a nod and your same small smile.

"This must've costed you a lot though,  couldn't you have bought me a two dollars friendship bracelet." She joked while putting the gift on her right wrist. "Oh don't worry, I stole it." You say with your usual tone.

Gwen almost backtracked when you said that, before hitting herself awake in her mind, forcing herself to leave the Spider-Woman alter ego aside for today.

You were making a joke because you didn't want her to feel bad, you always did. So she rolled her eyes before repacking the box and the paperbag to put them under her table. "You'd be a shit thief." She concluded. You furrow your brows. "Well then, at least I'd get to see Spider-Woman." You teased while wiggling your brows.

"I wonder how many people became really bad burglars and thieves just to get her autograph." The last of your sentence became muffled ariund the sounds of other students as your teacher finally arrive, but gwen who heard it all to well only smiled at the thought. 

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

School finished two hours ago, and neither of you saw or heard from Peter the whole day. He was probably at the lab again, as he always was so you didn't really bother.  Gwen, on the other hand, wouldn't stop trying to get him to answer his phone.

She's pacing around the room with her phone speaker on while you're laying on her bed, messing with her giant flower shaped plushie while she loses her mind. "Maybe he left his phone at home." You reasoned. Gwen shool her head and kept trying.  "He always lose his damn phone."

You frowned at her and decided you were done waiting. "Gwen, its over 10pm, I need to get back home, my dad will be worried." You say before getting up and taking your jacket from her coat hanger. "When has your dad ever even noticed if you're gone." She snaps, phone thrown on her bed in frustration. 

Your eyes widen at the words and you scoff at her.  She opened her mouth to apologize, immediately getting cut off. "Look, I don't know what spider has crawled up your ass these days, but we both know Peter's always disappearing these days, he's probably fine, and I'm going home since you're so worried over your friend that isn't in front of you." You ended the conversating as soon as it started, not giving her a chance to respond, you left her room, banging the door.

Your house was a few blocks away from Gwen's. When you're sure no one's around, you climb up quickly inti your room by the window, hands fast, some help from your claws. Tossing your backpack onto your bed, you changed into your suit without wasting time.

Gwen was right about something, your dad has long since noticed if you ever even came home these days. You jumped back out of your window, swinging upwards onto the roof instead of the streets.

You hopped from building to building, taking your time while enjoying the view. The lights. They were beautiful tonight,  accompanied by the bright moon, staring down from above. Even the neon signs of Joe's Pizza seemed pleasant to look at in times like this. You wished you could've shared these kind of moments with Gwen, but you didn't want to think of her now.

You find a spot above a tall empty building, where the ciry lights seemed clearer, and the smell of trash and dog piss was further away. Pulling your hair up in a bun, you tied it over twice, fixing it so you'll be able to see better without your hair always on your face.

And what a fate, as you're tilting your head down whilst your hands fixes the hairtie, a robbery happens right in front of your eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat at the crime, until you remembered you were also a criminal of a sort. This was interesting to see. A crime done by someone other than the Black Cat, finally.

The pleasure was shortlasting though,  when you had realized who was getting robbed. It was Peter. The masked man pulled out his gun, aiming it to Peter's face when he tried to run. "Run, and I'll shoot." His voice a mumble from below.

You move to stand up, backing away from any visibility, tiptoeing until you've reached the end of the building and hopped off, landing on your feet.

When you walked over the building to stand behind the robber, Peter's eyes involuntary widen,  as if a warning towards another civillian. But you weren't a civilian,  and when he takes in tbe suit and the masks, he realized who you were.

The robber gets annoyed when his eyes weren't on him anymore. "What the hell are y-" he spuns around towards you, receiving a kick to his stomach, making him fall on his back on the blow. You smiled at the victory watching Peter look between you and the fallen robber in confusion.

It seemed your victory didn't last long when a sling if webs shot againts your face.

You wretched the sticky web out of your face, growling in disgust. "Robbing an innocent citizen? That's low, even for you kitty." The annoying voice spoke. Once you manage tu cut the webs off fully with your claws. Regaining your vision,  you sneer at the ghost-spider, standing in front of Peter, who's finding protection behind her. "Is being blind apart of being spider-woman? I didn't rob him, I saved him." The hero's eyes squint along with her mask. "You? Saving people?"

Your eyes actually widen in offense before looking towards Peter. "Tell her doofus! I literally kicked him for you."

Gwen swings her head back at him and he stutters in panic. "Wh-I mean, yeah, she did, technically...kick him." You fold your eyes and glare at her as she turns back at you.  "See?" The two of you lock eyes for a minute long before she finally speak. "Peter Parker-" She calls him.

Both you and Peter frown at the name dropping . "-go home. I'll deal with her." The boy doesn't hesitate, turning his back and running way.

You snorted at her words. Always a show off. "You'll deal with me? How?" She tilts her head. "Like this." When you saw herbhand moving up, you move faster than her, snatching up her wrists in a tight grip as you push her againts the wall. "I might not have any venom on me, but try that again spidey, and I'll make you'll feel these claws for days." You see her physically wince at the words.

"You think just because you saved one man, that erases the 166 crimes you've done?" She asks sarcastically. You pout and pretends to think.  "I think, I really don't give a fuck, but its nice of you to remember all of my crimes, definitely not weird and obsessive or anything." 

She tries to speak again but you shush her when your eyes bore into the bracelet on her wrist. Firstly, who is stupid enough to wear their jewelry outside of their suit? Its like they're begging to be robbed.  Secondly; "Where did you get that bracelet?"

Your nemesis lets out a 'huh?' You repeat yourself, sterner. "I bought it?" You scoff. "You couldn't have bought something I've robbed." She seems annoyed by your questions. Being accused of stealing by a thief is pretty hurtful. "I could've brought it before you robbed it, you know."

You hummed thoughtfully at her words before you spoke. "You could've, or-" Your grip on her loosens, "-We're both just really, really, stupid." Gwen cocks her head in confusion. "What the hell are y-" realization hit her then. "Oh my god, no."

"No? Are you sure, Gwen stacy?" She winced at the mention of her name. Her hands move towards your mask. "How did I never..." Her words trails off a second before loud voices of people coming your way was heard. You pull her back swiftly into an alley, putting yourself between her and the open space.

The both of you lean yourselves againts the wall, you feel her fingers slowly slips into yours and holds back a tired sigh.

Once the group of kids has passed the alley, you finally relaxed. Her hands try to pull aw

ay but you curl your own fists around it.

She spins you back to her and her free hand moves to graze over your mask. "I didn't want you or Peter to be involved like this." She murmed. Your own hand slids around her waste as you lean closer. "I don't think it's up to you, Gwen." She huffs. "You know what I mean." You say nothing, eye staring down at your intertwined fingers. 

"Are you still going to get me arrested, spidey?" You could feel her glare from inside the mask. "What? Because I'm your friend, it all changes now?" You honestly ask. "Because I love you, and I know you and your heart, is why it's all different now. You're not who I thought you were, you can't be,  the Black Cat I've thought of before was evil in my head, evil and cruel."

You say nothing, waiting for her to continue. "You're not evil, and you're not cruel." You raised a brow. "Then, what am I?"  She's hesitates. "You're, with me. And I'm not going to let them take you, not anymore, whoever your secret identity is." Your mouth remains shut at that.

  All the bad jokes and sarcastic comments dies on your throat.  But your stubornnes always wins, "You didn't really seem to care much about me this evening."

Gwen groans loudly. "Come on, we'll go back to my place, I won't even look at the ground on the way home to shown you how much I'm paying attention to you now." You snort, a smile escaping you despite your efforts to remain upset at her.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

In defense of bureaucratic competence

Sure, sometimes it really does make sense to do your own research. There's times when you really do need to take personal responsibility for the way things are going. But there's limits. We live in a highly technical world, in which hundreds of esoteric, potentially lethal factors impinge on your life every day.

You can't "do your own research" to figure out whether all that stuff is safe and sound. Sure, you might be able to figure out whether a contractor's assurances about a new steel joist for your ceiling are credible, but after you do that, are you also going to independently audit the software in your car's antilock brakes?

How about the nutritional claims on your food and the sanitary conditions in the industrial kitchen it came out of? If those turn out to be inadequate, are you going to be able to validate the medical advice you get in the ER when you show up at 3AM with cholera? While you're trying to figure out the #HIPAAWaiver they stuck in your hand on the way in?

40 years ago, Ronald Reagan declared war on "the administrative state," and "government bureaucrats" have been the favored bogeyman of the American right ever since. Even if Steve Bannon hasn't managed to get you to froth about the "Deep State," there's a good chance that you've griped about red tape from time to time.

Not without reason, mind you. The fact that the government can make good rules doesn't mean it will. When we redid our kitchen this year, the city inspector added a bunch of arbitrary electrical outlets to the contractor's plans in places where neither we, nor any future owner, will every need them.

But the answer to bad regulation isn't no regulation. During the same kitchen reno, our contractor discovered that at some earlier time, someone had installed our kitchen windows without the accompanying vapor-barriers. In the decades since, the entire structure of our kitchen walls had rotted out. Not only was the entire front of our house one good earthquake away from collapsing – there were two half rotted verticals supporting the whole thing – but replacing the rotted walls added more than $10k to the project.

In other words, the problem isn't too much regulation, it's the wrong regulation. I want our city inspectors to make sure that contractors install vapor barriers, but to not demand superfluous electrical outlets.

Which raises the question: where do regulations come from? How do we get them right?

Regulation is, first and foremost, a truth-seeking exercise. There will never be one obvious answer to any sufficiently technical question. "Should this window have a vapor barrier?" is actually a complex question, needing to account for different window designs, different kinds of barriers, etc.

To make a regulation, regulators ask experts to weigh in. At the federal level, expert agencies like the DoT or the FCC or HHS will hold a "Notice of Inquiry," which is a way to say, "Hey, should we do something about this? If so, what should we do?"

Anyone can weigh in on these: independent technical experts, academics, large companies, lobbyists, industry associations, members of the public, hobbyist groups, and swivel-eyed loons. This produces a record from which the regulator crafts a draft regulation, which is published in something called a "Notice of Proposed Rulemaking."

The NPRM process looks a lot like the NOI process: the regulator publishes the rule, the public weighs in for a couple of rounds of comments, and the regulator then makes the rule (this is the federal process; state regulation and local ordinances vary, but they follow a similar template of collecting info, making a proposal, collecting feedback and finalizing the proposal).

These truth-seeking exercises need good input. Even very competent regulators won't know everything, and even the strongest theoretical foundation needs some evidence from the field. It's one thing to say, "Here's how your antilock braking software should work," but you also need to hear from mechanics who service cars, manufacturers, infosec specialists and drivers.

These people will disagree with each other, for good reasons and for bad ones. Some will be sincere but wrong. Some will want to make sure that their products or services are required – or that their competitors' products and services are prohibited.

It's the regulator's job to sort through these claims. But they don't have to go it alone: in an ideal world, the wrong people will be corrected by other parties in the docket, who will back up their claims with evidence.

So when the FCC proposes a Net Neutrality rule, the monopoly telcos and cable operators will pile in and insist that this is technically impossible, that there is no way to operate a functional ISP if the network management can't discriminate against traffic that is less profitable to the carrier. Now, this unity of perspective might reflect a bedrock truth ("Net Neutrality can't work") or a monopolists' convenient lie ("Net Neutrality is less profitable for us").

In a competitive market, there'd be lots of counterclaims with evidence from rivals: "Of course Net Neutrality is feasible, and here are our server logs to prove it!" But in a monopolized markets, those counterclaims come from micro-scale ISPs, or academics, or activists, or subscribers. These counterclaims are easy to dismiss ("what do you know about supporting 100 million users?"). That's doubly true when the regulator is motivated to give the monopolists what they want – either because they are hoping for a job in the industry after they quit government service, or because they came out of industry and plan to go back to it.

To make things worse, when an industry is heavily concentrated, it's easy for members of the ruling cartel – and their backers in government – to claim that the only people who truly understand the industry are its top insiders. Seen in that light, putting an industry veteran in charge of the industry's regulator isn't corrupt – it's sensible.

All of this leads to regulatory capture – when a regulator starts defending an industry from the public interest, instead of defending the public from the industry. The term "regulatory capture" has a checkered history. It comes out of a bizarre, far-right Chicago School ideology called "Public Choice Theory," whose goal is to eliminate regulation, not fix it.

In Public Choice Theory, the biggest companies in an industry have the strongest interest in capturing the regulator, and they will work harder – and have more resources – than anyone else, be they members of the public, workers, or smaller rivals. This inevitably leads to capture, where the state becomes an arm of the dominant companies, wielded by them to prevent competition:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/

This is regulatory nihilism. It supposes that the only reason you weren't killed by your dinner, or your antilock brakes, or your collapsing roof, is that you just got lucky – and not because we have actual, good, sound regulations that use evidence to protect us from the endless lethal risks we face. These nihilists suppose that making good regulation is either a myth – like ancient Egyptian sorcery – or a lost art – like the secret to embalming Pharaohs.

But it's clearly possible to make good regulations – especially if you don't allow companies to form monopolies or cartels. What's more, failing to make public regulations isn't the same as getting rid of regulation. In the absence of public regulation, we get private regulation, run by companies themselves.

Think of Amazon. For decades, the DoJ and FTC sat idly by while Amazon assembled and fortified its monopoly. Today, Amazon is the de facto e-commerce regulator. The company charges its independent sellers 45-51% in junk fees to sell on the platform, including $31b/year in "advertising" to determine who gets top billing in your searches. Vendors raise their Amazon prices in order to stay profitable in the face of these massive fees, and if they don't raise their prices at every other store and site, Amazon downranks them to oblivion, putting them out of business.

This is the crux of the FTC's case against Amazon: that they are picking winners and setting prices across the entire economy, including at every other retailer:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

The same is true for Google/Facebook, who decide which news and views you encounter; for Apple/Google, who decide which apps you can use, and so on. The choice is never "government regulation" or "no regulation" – it's always "government regulation" or "corporate regulation." You either live by rules made in public by democratically accountable bureaucrats, or rules made in private by shareholder-accountable executives.

You just can't solve this by "voting with your wallet." Think about the problem of robocalls. Nobody likes these spam calls, and worse, they're a vector for all kinds of fraud. Robocalls are mostly a problem with federation. The phone system is a network-of-networks, and your carrier is interconnected with carriers all over the world, sometimes through intermediaries that make it hard to know which network a call originates on.

Some of these carriers are spam-friendly. They make money by selling access to spammers and scammers. Others don't like spam, but they have lax or inadequate security measures to prevent robocalls. Others will simply be targets of opportunity: so large and well-resourced that they are irresistible to bad actors, who continuously probe their defenses and exploit overlooked flaws, which are quickly patched.

To stem the robocall tide, your phone company will have to block calls from bad actors, put sloppy or lazy carriers on notice to shape up or face blocks, and also tell the difference between good companies and bad ones.

There's no way you can figure this out on your own. How can you know whether your carrier is doing a good job at this? And even if your carrier wants to do this, only the largest, most powerful companies can manage it. Rogue carriers won't give a damn if some tiny micro-phone-company threatens them with a block if they don't shape up.

This is something that a large, powerful government agency is best suited to addressing. And thankfully, we have such an agency. Two years ago, the FCC demanded that phone companies submit plans for "robocall mitigation." Now, it's taking action:

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2023/10/telcos-filed-blank-robocall-plans-with-fcc-and-got-away-with-it-for-2-years/

Specifically, the FCC has identified carriers – in the US and abroad – with deficient plans. Some of these plans are very deficient. National Cloud Communications of Texas sent the FCC a Windows Printer Test Page. Evernex (Pakistan) sent the FCC its "taxpayer profile inquiry" from a Pakistani state website. Viettel (Vietnam) sent in a slide presentation entitled "Making Smart Cities Vision a Reality." Canada's Humbolt VoIP sent an "indiscernible object." DomainerSuite submitted a blank sheet of paper scrawled with the word "NOTHING."

The FCC has now notified these carriers – and others with less egregious but still deficient submissions – that they have 14 days to fix this or they'll be cut off from the US telephone network.

This is a problem you don't fix with your wallet, but with your ballot. Effective, public-interest-motivated FCC regulators are a political choice. Trump appointed the cartoonishly evil Ajit Pai to run the FCC, and he oversaw a program of neglect and malice. Pai – a former Verizon lawyer – dismantled Net Neutrality after receiving millions of obviously fraudulent comments from stolen identities, lying about it, and then obstructing the NY Attorney General's investigation into the matter:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/31/and-drown-it/#starve-the-beast

The Biden administration has a much better FCC – though not as good as it could be, thanks to Biden hanging Gigi Sohn out to dry in the face of a homophobic smear campaign that ultimately led one of the best qualified nominees for FCC commissioner to walk away from the process:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/15/useful-idiotsuseful-idiots/#unrequited-love

Notwithstanding the tragic loss of Sohn's leadership in this vital agency, Biden's FCC – and its action on robocalls – illustrates the value of elections won with ballots, not wallets.

Self-regulation without state regulation inevitably devolves into farce. We're a quarter of a century into the commercial internet and the US still doesn't have a modern federal privacy law. The closest we've come is a disclosure rule, where companies can make up any policy they want, provided they describe it to you.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out how to cheat on this regulation. It's so simple, even a Meta lawyer can figure it out – which is why the Meta Quest VR headset has a privacy policy isn't merely awful, but long.

It will take you five hours to read the whole document and discover how badly you're being screwed. Go ahead, "do your own research":

https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/articles/annual-creep-o-meter/

The answer to bad regulation is good regulation, and the answer to incompetent regulators is competent ones. As Michael Lewis's Fifth Risk (published after Trump filled the administrative agencies with bootlickers, sociopaths and crooks) documented, these jobs demand competence:

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/11/27/the-fifth-risk-michael-lewis-explains-how-the-deep-state-is-just-nerds-versus-grifters/

For example, Lewis describes how a Washington State nuclear waste facility created as part of the Manhattan Project endangers the Columbia River, the source of 8 million Americans' drinking water. The nuclear waste cleanup is projected to take 100 years and cost 100 billion dollars. With stakes that high, we need competent bureaucrats overseeing the job.

The hacky conservative jokes comparing every government agency to the DMV are not descriptive so much as prescriptive. By slashing funding, imposing miserable working conditions, and demonizing the people who show up for work anyway, neoliberals have chased away many good people, and hamstrung those who stayed.

One of the most inspiring parts of the Biden administration is the large number of extremely competent, extremely principled agency personnel he appointed, and the speed and competence they've brought to their roles, to the great benefit of the American public:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/18/administrative-competence/#i-know-stuff

But leaders can only do so much – they also need staff. 40 years of attacks on US state capacity has left the administrative state in tatters, stretched paper-thin. In an excellent article, Noah Smith describes how a starveling American bureaucracy costs the American public a fortune:

https://www.noahpinion.blog/p/america-needs-a-bigger-better-bureaucracy

Even stripped of people and expertise, the US government still needs to get stuff done, so it outsources to nonprofits and consultancies. These are the source of much of the expense and delay in public projects. Take NYC's Second Avenue subway, a notoriously overbudget and late subway extension – "the most expensive mile of subway ever built." Consultants amounted to 20% of its costs, double what France or Italy would have spent. The MTA used to employ 1,600 project managers. Now it has 124 of them, overseeing $20b worth of projects. They hand that money to consultants, and even if they have the expertise to oversee the consultants' spending, they are stretched too thin to do a good job of it:

https://slate.com/business/2023/02/subway-costs-us-europe-public-transit-funds.html

When a public agency lacks competence, it ends up costing the public more. States with highly expert Departments of Transport order better projects, which need fewer changes, which adds up to massive costs savings and superior roads:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4522676

Other gaps in US regulation are plugged by nonprofits and citizen groups. Environmental rules like NEPA rely on the public to identify and object to environmental risks in public projects, from solar plants to new apartment complexes. NEPA and its state equivalents empower private actors to sue developers to block projects, even if they satisfy all environmental regulations, leading to years of expensive delay.

The answer to this isn't to dismantle environmental regulations – it's to create a robust expert bureaucracy that can enforce them instead of relying on NIMBYs. This is called "ministerial approval" – when skilled government workers oversee environmental compliance. Predictably, NIMBYs hate ministerial approval.

Which is not to say that there aren't problems with trusting public enforcers to ensure that big companies are following the law. Regulatory capture is real, and the more concentrated an industry is, the greater the risk of capture. We are living in a moment of shocking market concentration, thanks to 40 years of under-regulation:

https://www.openmarketsinstitute.org/learn/monopoly-by-the-numbers

Remember that five-hour privacy policy for a Meta VR headset? One answer to these eye-glazing garbage novellas presented as "privacy policies" is to simply ban certain privacy-invading activities. That way, you can skip the policy, knowing that clicking "I agree" won't expose you to undue risk.

This is the approach that Bennett Cyphers and I argue for in our EFF white-paper, "Privacy Without Monopoly":

https://www.eff.org/wp/interoperability-and-privacy

After all, even the companies that claim to be good for privacy aren't actually very good for privacy. Apple blocked Facebook from spying on iPhone owners, then sneakily turned on their own mass surveillance system, and lied about it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

But as the European experiment with the GDPR has shown, public administrators can't be trusted to have the final word on privacy, because of regulatory capture. Big Tech companies like Google, Apple and Facebook pretend to be headquartered in corporate crime havens like Ireland and Luxembourg, where the regulators decline to enforce the law:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

It's only because of the GPDR has a private right of action – the right of individuals to sue to enforce their rights – that we're finally seeing the beginning of the end of commercial surveillance in Europe:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/07/americans-deserve-more-current-american-data-privacy-protection-act

It's true that NIMBYs can abuse private rights of action, bringing bad faith cases to slow or halt good projects. But just as the answer to bad regulations is good ones, so too is the answer to bad private rights of action good ones. SLAPP laws have shown us how to balance vexatious litigation with the public interest:

https://www.rcfp.org/resources/anti-slapp-laws/

We must get over our reflexive cynicism towards public administration. In my book The Internet Con, I lay out a set of public policy proposals for dismantling Big Tech and putting users back in charge of their digital lives:

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

The most common objection I've heard since publishing the book is, "Sure, Big Tech has enshittified everything great about the internet, but how can we trust the government to fix it?"

We've been conditioned to think that lawmakers are too old, too calcified and too corrupt, to grasp the technical nuances required to regulate the internet. But just because Congress isn't made up of computer scientists, it doesn't mean that they can't pass good laws relating to computers. Congress isn't full of microbiologists, but we still manage to have safe drinking water (most of the time).

You can't just "do the research" or "vote with your wallet" to fix the internet. Bad laws – like the DMCA, which bans most kinds of reverse engineering – can land you in prison just for reconfiguring your own devices to serve you, rather than the shareholders of the companies that made them. You can't fix that yourself – you need a responsive, good, expert, capable government to fix it.

We can have that kind of government. It'll take some doing, because these questions are intrinsically hard to get right even without monopolies trying to capture their regulators. Even a president as flawed as Biden can be pushed into nominating good administrative personnel and taking decisive, progressive action:

https://doctorow.medium.com/joe-biden-is-headed-to-a-uaw-picket-line-in-detroit-f80bd0b372ab?sk=f3abdfd3f26d2f615ad9d2f1839bcc07

Biden may not be doing enough to suit your taste. I'm certainly furious with aspects of his presidency. The point isn't to lionize Biden – it's to point out that even very flawed leaders can be pushed into producing benefit for the American people. Think of how much more we can get if we don't give up on politics but instead demand even better leaders.

My next novel is The Lost Cause, coming out on November 14. It's about a generation of people who've grown up under good government – a historically unprecedented presidency that has passed the laws and made the policies we'll need to save our species and planet from the climate emergency:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

The action opens after the pendulum has swung back, with a new far-right presidency and an insurgency led by white nationalist militias and their offshore backers – seagoing anarcho-capitalist billionaires.

In the book, these forces figure out how to turn good regulations against the people they were meant to help. They file hundreds of simultaneous environmental challenges to refugee housing projects across the country, blocking the infill building that is providing homes for the people whose homes have been burned up in wildfires, washed away in floods, or rendered uninhabitable by drought.

I don't want to spoil the book here, but it shows how the protagonists pursue a multipronged defense, mixing direct action, civil disobedience, mass protest, court challenges and political pressure to fight back. What they don't do is give up on state capacity. When the state is corrupted by wreckers, they claw back control, rather than giving up on the idea of a competent and benevolent public system.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/23/getting-stuff-done/#praxis

[wnbnny]

happiness looks good on you- lee felix

summary: you love felix, but he doesn't love you back.

warnings: sad ending, angst!

author's notes: hi everyone<3 this is my first fic, kinda wrote this at like 3am on a whim instead of sleeping but like😭 idk why i made this so sad (is this a sign im depressed or something) but hope u enjoy!! please to comment ur user if u want to be tagged in this or my future posts<3

"happiness looks good on you."

raging storms and unshed tears.

"happiness looks good on you."

heartbreak and rainy days.

"hurry up lix, we're going to be late," you complained, brow furrowed as you stuck your bottom lip out in a pout.

"if you really want to go to school that early just walk there yourself." felix taunted, knowing you were scared to walk alone. he was your long-term best friend, inseparable since kindergarten 'til today.

the two of you argued and bickered on the way to school, throwing insults at each other. by the time the both of you had gotten to school, you were both given a scolding and told to sit down. you glared at him as you were being scolded while he just snickered.

the audacity of this man, honestly . 

by the time class had finished, you had cooled down, just like felix knew you would. otherwise, he could just stick out his bottom lip while you huffed and pretended to be mad. 

"y/n!" he gasped, clutching at your arm, "areum just looked at me!"

he squealed, like a little kid at the toy shop, over his long time crush.

if only you looked at me in that way.

because i do.

"nah, she probably was just looking at someone else." you lied through your teeth, feeling your heart sink.

"hey, stop being mean!! she clearly looked at me," he pouted.

you sighed.

i've loved you for years and you've never noticed.

"well just confess to her already then."

it was painful watching your own crush and best friend fall for someone else, someone that wasn't you. 

you wished, rather selfishly, that areum would reject him. then you could be the shoulder he would cry on. not her. but honestly, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her. what was to hate? she was pretty, got good marks, and was friendly and easygoing. not to say you yourself weren't pretty, but you just weren't as pretty and hardworking as her. 

and you weren't the one he wanted. 

maybe the pain would end if they just ended up together and you were out of the picture. it was obvious she liked him too. 

"you really think i should? but what if i get rejected..."

you're so blind but i still love you.

"yes, how many times do i have to say this, she likes you. it's obvious." you rolled your eyes.

"should i just confess tomorrow? better late than never..." he trailed off, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.

gods you look so cute when you do that.

"yeah. get her some flowers and write her a note."

why were you breaking your own heart? you didn't know why. maybe you just wanted to end your own heartbreak. 

"good luck with that, anyways i need to go to s house for a project." you actually didn't, but you would do anything to just escape from this.

"why~~are you really just going to leave me alone to plan my big confession by myself," he whined.

"sorry lix, but you'll figure it out." ruffling his hair, you walked out the classroom.

you did, in fact, go home. then sat on your bed and cried until you couldn't  physically squeeze any more tears out of you.  so this was what heartbreak felt like. you had known him since the both of you were ten. you had have multiple crushes here and there, but they were just passing, fleeting moments, nothing of importance. until him.

you didn't know when you had first started to like him. maybe it was that time in the library where he was helping the librarian stack books. maybe it was that time in the rain where he danced in it for hours. 

maybe it was one summer day where your world just exploded in colours. 

and now it felt like it was fading back to grey.

the next day, felix came bouncing up to you.

"i got her peonies, do you think she'll like it? i told her to meet me in the garden."

"yeah, she'll definitely like it. i would've too... " you muttered the last part all to yourself, turning away and blinking rapidly as tears threatened to prick your eyes. you offered him a smile of encouragement. 

"good luck."

when lunch came, you watched as the nervous australian carried the peonies and went to the garden.

then you watched as they walked in ten minutes later, smiling bashfully and holding hands like schoolchildren in love. 

because they were.

you went home, not even bothering to call in sick. you just grabbed your bag and went home. you would deal with the consequences later. 

your heart hurt.

you were numb.

you were hollow.

you were crying.

you hated everything.

the next few days were spent at home. you called in sick. felix texted you countless times but you ignored him.

lixie&lt;3

y/nie?

where r u?

she accepted!!!

im so happy>.<

read at 2:03 a.m.

yeah, right. good for you. but what about me?

lixie&lt;3

...hello?

y/n?

can u please respond...

im worried...

what happened???

why didn't you come to school today??

read at 3:46 p.m.

you turned off your phone then turned over and cried again. you hated this. why did you have to fall for him in the first place?

finally, after four days of missed calls, texts, and school, you had to go back. its not like you had a choice anyways. you missed your parents. they lived overseas though, so you lived alone. but you really couldn't continue living like this for the rest of your life, even if you wanted to.

"y/nie!!!" felix exclaimed, running up to you. "why didn't you respond to my texts? are you okay? it's unlike you..."

"im sorry lix, i was just under the weather. im ok." you offered him a tight lipped smile. "congrats by the way." you closed your locker door and rushed off before he could ask you anything more.

"huh? thats unlike her... why is she acting so weird lately?" 

and so you avoided him, as much as you could. you kept your conversations short and brief, not talking to him as much as possible, and even switching seats to sit far away from him. you watched his hurt face the day he walked in and saw you sitting somewhere else, but then cheering up as areum sat next to him. you watched as he laughed and held hands, ate tteokbokki and ramen with her in the cafeteria. that should've been me.

but honestly, it did nothing to fill the felix-sized hole in your heart.

you drifted apart. he barely texted you now, barely said hi to you, barely even saw you in the hallways anymore. 

then exams were finished, and graduation started to roll around. 

you watched as they attended prom and twirled around on the dance floor giggling.

you watched as they broke up on the doorstep of his dorms, watching as felix's face fell when she dumped him for another guy.

you didn't have the heart to tell him i told you so.

so you busied yourself in your exams, earning a scholarship to your dream university. felix tried reaching out to you several times to rekindle your old friendship, but you would always politely decline, preferring to be detached instead of going through more heartbreak.

you still loved him, but the once burning passion had now been reduced to a soft flicker every now and then, sparking ever so slightly whenever you saw him in the corridors. your own felix-shaped hole in your heart hadn't decreased over the years, but your heart became bigger, expanding so that other people could fit in it. the hole would always be there, but at least there was space for healing.

you turned around in the backseat of your friends' car to see the campus you had once called home fading away into the distance and felix along with it.

goodbye, the wind whispered.

"happiness looks good on you, lix. i hope you make the best of it."

[icarlyspanishsubtitles]

I got flu and need comfort soo how about reader getting sick while Quackity is in Mexico. I think he would be super worried and always calling to check on u.

Btw I loveed your last fic, you're amaziing <3

awee i love this idea! i’m so sorry i didn’t see it sooner i’ve been out of town, also thank you for the love, your amazing!! feel better! this was rushed, my apologies for it being shorter.

masterlist

“my poor sweet girl..”

warnings: ⚠️fluff, girl pronouns, sickness INCLUDING throw up. really descriptive feeling of sickness.⚠️

you had woken up that morning, feeling groggy and absolutely exhausted. you checked the time to see it was 3am, and the overwhelming feel of your stomach absolutely pounding felt horrible.

you ran to the bathroom, hurling over to the toilet feeling all of the fluids from your body dispose. tears came into your eyes from the unexpected turn. you layed yourself on the bathroom floor, hating so badly the feeling of being sick.

picking up the phone, you decided to call your boyfriend alex, he’s the only person that could make you feel better at this moment.

“hi my love. what’s going on, it’s like 2 am there or somethin.”

you could hear his smile through the screen, which clearly left after you started crying a little being in pain, you were in obvious distress as you started speaking.

“i feel really really bad, and my stomach hurts, and i’m on the bathroom floor, and i can’t think of anything but the pain and-“

you started rambling, not even thinking before you spoke as you just wanted him to know how bad everything felt like it was going in the span of 5 minutes. he then stops you mid sentence,

“hey, hey, baby. it’s okay, listen to me. do you have any tylenol?”

you barely lift your head up, trying to be a little closer to the speaker of the phone.

“i think so?..”

he sighs a little bit, keeping the gentle tone in his voice.

“okay, sweet girl when you feel like you can get up, go and take that medicine okay? i’m so sorry mi vida, you know i want to be there right now with you.”

you want to keep him from worrying, he’s visiting family right now and you know if you ask he will immediately go and buy a plane ticket to see you.

the next morning you see 7 unread messages from your beloved boyfriend. all of them are him being worried, asking how you are. you go into the facetime app, clicking onto his contact.

the phone could barely go into the first ring before he answers.

“hey my love. how are you feeling?”

you shrug to yourself, you know that your stomach still feels as shitty as it did before. you wanted to be honest, just not as detailed.

“not too good babe, not going to lie. but i do feel better, thank you for suggesting the tylenol last night it helped, i promise.”

he looks at me, like i’m some poor stray puppy on the street.

“you do know i can come there right now? i can get a ticket, you know what let me get my computer i’ll schedule a day-“

you stop him, not wanting your sickness to mess up his plans.

“no. alex your family has been waiting for months to see you, they’ll be so upset even if they don’t show it.. you know that.”

he doesn’t want to admit that you are right, and he definitely wouldn’t want an argument while your already feeling horrible.

“okay, you know what, sure. but is your stomach feeling okay? did you throw up again?”

you turn over to the other side of the bed, as it felt cooler. when you got sick, your body always felt as if it was overheating.

“nu uh. my tummy still hurts, but no throw up.”

he snickers a little bit past the phone.

“tummy?”

“shut up.”

“i’m kiddingggg.”

you scoff a little rolling your eyes. you had a 101 fever, did he really think you were in the mood?

“your not funny.”

he smirks a little, then tries to actually talk to you.

“i’m sorry baby, im sorry. i know you feel bad right now, get some sleep okay? call me when you wake up.”

the day had its regular pattern throughout. you had been binge watching disney movies, as you felt there was literally nothing else to do. alex would call or text checking up, and always would hang up so you could watch your movie.

“hey sweet girl, what movie are we on right now?”

you held onto your pillow, adjusting the heating pad on your stomach.

“uhmmm. i’m currently on the lion king.”

he laughs a little at the tiredness in your voice, it made you sound adorably exhausted.

“wow i haven’t watched that in a while, i remember the.. oh a hakunu matatu?”

“a fucking what?”

you smile a little as a slight giggle escapes your lips. you hadn’t known he knew exactly what the song was called, he just attempted to make you laugh with a shitty joke.

he laughs along with you a little bit, before he talks more sincerely, showing his concern for his beloved girlfriend.

“are you feeling any better amor? everything going okay?”

“yes baby. i’m feeling good as to right now.”

he smiles through the screen, looking directly at you with love.

“good. listen i’m going to be home in a day or two, and ill make everything up.”

that night you felt yourself getting sick once again. your stomach had been your enemy for what seemed to you like forever. it’s as if he has a boyfriend sense, as he called you right as you felt yourself getting sick.

“hi baby! what are we feeling like?”

he asks oh so enthusiastically, which was the polar opposite of how you were at that moment. you sniffle a little.

“i feel..so bad..”

he pouts to hear your raspy little voice so sad and hurt. he immediately speaks up.

“oh my poor sweet girl.. what hurts right now?”

you couldn’t even think of one thing right now, as it felt like knives were coming in at every single direction.

“everything.”

he looks at you with honestly such a sad little look on his face. he tries to talk a little quieter, trying to be as confronting as he knew how to.

“it’s going to be okay my love.. take some more medicine, and we can talk for however long you want to alright? i love you so much, and im so sorry..”

for the next two days, you made sure he knew you were alright, wanting him to calm down as you were the top thing in his mind. the pattern went on until you did actually feel better, and when he came home, he was over the top in showing his love.

[headcanonsandmore]

Can you do the "all the Doctors" thing, but what would they do if they started a band?

I certainly can!

One: Gets gently pushed into it by Vicki. Can actually play the piano rather well, and starts chuckling to themselves when he starts getting into it. Ian and Barbara got a little sick of the solos after over half an hour, though.

Two: You'd think that a recorder wouldn't be a good instrument to play in a band, but you would be as pleasantly surprised as Two was. Gets on surprisingly well with the hippie crowd, although Jamie has to keep them from getting pulled into smoking illicit substances which may or may not be legal. With time lords, who knows what the effects could be?

Three: Can practically play any instrument given to them because "my dear fellow, it would be vain to explain why". Jo loves it when they play Beatles songs. Has an unfortunate habit of playing in venues that later get attacked or blown up by the Masters scheme of the week.

Four: Pulls the weirdest looking string instument you've ever seen out of their enormous coat, plays some weird jazz-fusion stuff that sounds like a cat making love to a washing machine, grins unnervingly and walks off stage. The stage is a random cafe that hadn't even asked them to play. No-one ever speaks of it again, just in case they come back.

Five: Likes to play ABBA on the rhythym guitar, much to the amusement of their kids young friends. Insists on explaining the themes of each song before starting. Has an unfortunate habit of falling over halfway through their set and knocking themselves unconscious. Given the time period, they often get requests to play "That's Entertainment"; doesn't mind playing it but wishes Tegan and Nyssa would stop sneaking away halfway through to snog in a cupboard somewhere.

Six: Loves playing the drums. Their main inspiration is Keith Moon. Mel says it's good exercise for them. Peri is just glad that they don't wear their coat whilst trashing about with the drumsticks, because that would be a chasm too far.

Seven: Spoons. Ace rolls her eyes but knows that they enjoy it. Is surprisingly popular amongst latter-day beatniks and jazz fans. Often gives some lecture after each song. The difference is that, unlike with Five, people actually listen instead of groaning.

Eight: Just has to sing. You would not be able to stop them. They are surprisngly good at it, although sometimes you wonder whether the words have a hidden meaning.

War: Doesn't play anything, for obvious reasons.

Nine: Bass guitar, and in a very no-nonsence sort of way. Can get down and be funky with it. Rose loves it, and enjoys dancing along, which makes Nine very happy.

Ten: Maraccas, weirdly enough, and often with Donna. Both of them are laughing. The rest of the band doesn't really understand why but it seems to work so who cares?

Eleven: Glockenspiel. No, seriously. Amy and Rory don't know where it came from, and it's actually starting to get a little worrying. Especially when Eleven insists on practicing at 3am with no warning.

Twelve: Lead guitar, obviously. Nothing but shredding solos and awesome punk-style riffs. The fact that they don't have a top-selling album is mindboggling.

Thirteen: Fiddle in a folk-punk-fusion band. Very good at it and is having the time of their life. Loves to dance whilst playing. The happy love songs are their favourite, but has a habit of tripping over their feet on stage if they catch Yaz smiling at them.

Fugitive: Doesn't play anything; again, for obvious reasons.

TenThree/David Doctor/ sorry-mr-tennant-i-cannot-call-you-fourteen: Traded in the maraccas for a trumpet. Donna has a trumpet now too. Things seem to be going well for them.

Fifteen: Sampler. Creates tons of exciting sounds based on all of their previous lives, blending them together in a hopeful, joyeous mix. Well, so far anyway. We'll have to wait and see...

Thanks for the ask!

[elleloquently]

invisible string [4] : ellie williams

part three

| college!ellie x female!reader - thank you guys so much for patiently (and excitedly) waiting for this update! school is absolutely so busy it's sickening, so it's hard to write as often as i want, but i really want to aim for at least one update per week! writing this chapter was so much fun so please let me know what you think... as always thank you for your love, requests are open, and reblogs and comments are always loved and appreciated! love ya <3 (p.s shout out to a creepy owner irl who inspired part of this fic)

| c/w - anxious reader, swearing, mention of weed, alcohol, men!

studying was very dull compared to texting a pretty girl.

ellie entered your life in a whirlwind, notes filling up your once empty walls and endless texts and pictures cluttering up your phone.

the texts came in slowly at first, maybe a few short conversations every other day, mostly complaining about how much homework the professor of your shared class was packing in before finals week hit. then entered stupid memes, random pictures... and suddenly you were staying up until 3am learning about each other, despite your 8am class.

it had only been a few days, and you knew that you were getting too attached.

it was a feeling that made your stomach sink, the realization of how much your mood improved with a simple text. you were happiest in class, sitting next to ellie, even when your hand cramped from filling out pages of study guides.

sighing, you turned your music up louder and crashed back onto your bed, cushioned by a multitude of throw pillows and blankets. you weren't getting much studying done anyway.

the song grew quiet as your phone chimed, music to your ears.

Zero progress.

attached was a photo of the study guide, the amount of completed questions matching those of your own packet.

you quickly typed out a response to ellie, short and to the point.

literally sickening

it was only a few seconds before she replied:

There goes my weekend!

you replied in agreement before forcing yourself back up to glance over your textbook. you've been lingering on the same chapter for over an hour. if you were truly honest with yourself, you probably only read about two paragraphs... you were distracted.

you hardly had time to even daydream due to how busy you were, but it's not like it mattered. you gaze lingered to the collaboration of drawings made by yourself and ellie, still sticking to the wall. your phone sounded once again, pulling you out of a sleepy daze. figuring it was ellie again, you closed your textbook in an act of resignment.

the smile that appeared once you heard the text notification slowly faded upon closer inspection.

it wasn't ellie. it was a friend, one you admittedly haven't spoken to much as of recent. you hadn't really meant to ghost her, but your schedules didn't really align much. this time of year you were so busy with assignments and work, and she was busy with... well, literally anything else.

her message consisted of only two words, call me. it was short and vague so you immediately obliged, worry taking over your senses.

she answered on the second ring, speaking before you had even opened your mouth.

"please tell me you don't have plans tonight," she urged.

you wince, already preparing an excuse. "i'm studying..." you start. it wasn't a complete lie, you really had been making an effort.

her disappointment is obvious by the way she sighs your name into the phone speaker. "i've barely seen you all semester," she argues.

you start to chip your nail polish on your free hand, holding your phone to your ear with the other one. "what's up?" you ask.

"come out with me tonight? please. you've hardly come out this semester and let's be real, once finals start there's no chance i'll be able to convince you to come out," your friend pleads. her desperation is heavy and you rub at your eyes.

you want to immediately tell her no, but you really hadn't seen her in awhile yet the other day you skipped class for a chance to hangout with someone you hardly even knew. granted, it was ellie, but still.

a pit of guilt planted itself in your stomach, forcing your next words.

"what time?"

yelping in excitment, the girl on the other end of the line gushes out all of the information to you. "i'll pick you up around eleven, okay?"

a rushed end to a quick call, with promises to text more and texting outfit options for the night.

you were nervous about the change of pace. it caused you a strange feeling of obligation, to get out of your bubble and do something different every once in awhile. during college, people were promised four years of finding their forever friends and partying, making the memories that will last their entire lifetime.

you tried to partake, but it felt forced.

with a demanding major and even more demanding coursework, it was hard to maintain friendships by finding the time to actually go out. any spare time you had was replaced with shifts at work.

you felt like you were doing college… wrong.

your music resumed, the volume increasing to drown out any anxious thoughts that would prompt you to cancel last minute.

with no new texts from ellie, you decided to give your study guide one last try.

─ ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ─

by the time you were supposed to get picked up, you were already yawning. you had dedicated the last hour to getting ready and picking an outfit that was deemed cute enough to make you feel good but still comfortable enough that you felt secure.

though it felt like a sleepy time of year, students were nearly restless. the pressures of exams were relieved on weekends, places around the college town open all night for people to blow off steam.

it happened quickly so you didn't have a moment to reconsider or backtrack, a text of 'here!' and shoving your feet into shoes before dashing to meet your friend in the parking lot.

the car ride was a catch up session, your friend talking about her new friends but you made a quick decision not to tell her about ellie. you weren't exactly sure why, but it was almost like you wanted to keep ellie to yourself. you checked your phone mindlessly and couldn't help but feel let down when nothing new presented on your screen.

the streets were alive and busy, girls huddled together to stay warm despite the lack of coats. the outside was an indication of how busy each bar and club would be, warm with heat and bodies packed inside.

you arrived at your friend's favorite establishment, the environment a stark difference from the comfortable evening you were having in your dorm just a few short hours ago. you pressed your way through a thick crowd, hanging loosely onto the arm of your friend so you wouldn't split up.

drinks were overpriced but you ordered one anyway, something to hold onto but you knew you would probably only finish a little more than half of it if you were dedicated enough.

"i'm gonna meet up with some people, my friends and their friends," your friend explained over the music, quickly resulting in your growing concern.

you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, you always did, but other people getting involved meant you would be inevitably ditched within the hour. the look on your face gave away your feeling and the girl standing opposite of you had a short patience.

"i wish you would've told me," you tried to reason, not wanting to look or sound pathetic.

"it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "they're nice, it'll be fun."

fun.

'fun' ended up being the act of standing awkwardly in the back because they wouldn't make enough room for you in the circle. 'fun' apparently was listening to them tell the same story over and over, yet talk over you every time you tried to speak too.

forced to be a wallflower, you stood with your back against the wall as you observed other people dancing. you could almost be content like this... the music was loud and the lighting was dark. the combination seemed like it would be an anxiety nightmare, but it was actually the opposite. you could stand there, completely unnoticed, hidden by the atmosphere.

you really could've been okay with it, until your eyes were drawn to your friend pointing at you. you stood up straight, thinking she was beckoning over, until you realized exactly what she was doing. she had been dancing with a guy that night, and that guy seemingly had a friend. she was pointing you out to the friend, pushing him to join you. he started walking in your direction and your stomach filled with dread. you didn't want to be in this situation, and you certainly didn't want to make small talk with some guy.

you tried to look busy, quickly pulling out your phone and looking anywhere else. against your silent praying, the guy stood over you.

"hey," he said, leaning too close to your ear and you ducked your head away. he smelled like alcohol and cologne that was sprayed too many times. you tried a polite smile but it came out like a wince.

"can i buy you a drink?"

you answered his question by holding up your cup, hand tightly covering the opening of the top. you had only taken a few sips of it, not able to stand the taste.

"how many?" he pressed, pointing to your cup.

"what?" your face scrunched in confusion.

"how many drinks have you had?" he clarified with a laugh that you didn't return.

"one. this is my first," you informed him flatly.

he made a face like he was pretending to be let down and your stomach turned. "only one? come on girl, you need more than that."

you outwardly groaned, rolling your eyes as you pushed yourself off of the wall. "i'm going to the bathroom. bye."

"want me to hold your drink?" he called after you, agitated and loud.

you ignored him and stepped carefully through the crowd, not wanting to stand too closely to any men or accidently bump any dancing girls. you were hyper focused on the restroom sign and the way the music pounded in your ears, muttering to yourself when you felt a hand wrap around your arm.

you immediately tensed, your blood running cold but your body feeling hot simultaneously. was this guy seriously grabbing you right now?

short tempered and fuming, you loudly spat "fuck off," as you angrily whipped around, only to be met with horrified green eyes, freckles, and auburn hair.

letting go as quickly as she had reached for you, ellie dropped her hand. "shit, sorry, i-"

you quickly cut her off, apologizing profusely.

"ellie, oh my god, i am so sorry," you stressed, heart sinking when she took a step away from you.

"sorry, i really shouldn't have done that," ellie mumbled, wincing. you nearly didn't hear her, the music was too loud.

she had on a loose flannel, unbuttoned down the middle and her converse. you were sure that her horrified expression matched your own, and you wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor.

"i'm so sorry," you repeated. "i thought you were someone else and-"

"i'm sorry, i called your name but-"

you kept talking over each other, rushing awkward apologies. ellie shifted on her feet, her cheeks red.

"sorry," you mentioned again, defeated. "there was this guy, and..."

"a guy," ellie repeated quietly, her expression unreadable.

"yeah," you pushed on, glancing over ellie's shoulder. he was watching you now, remaining where you left him. gross. "i was trying to get away from him and i didn't hear you, i had no idea, i'm so sorry ellie."

she laughed dryly as she recovered but your face still stung with embarrassment. "it's alright," ellie reassured you, turning her head to briefly spot the guy you had glanced at. "are you here with him?" she asked curiously.

you quickly shook your head, rolling your eyes to express your disgust. "no," you emphasized. "i'm here with my friend but... i don't know," you laughed bitterly, finally taking a moment to let it sink in that you had ran into ellie here.

"i don't know why i'm here," you felt the need to say.

ellie nodded with a short laugh. "tell me about it."

you raised an eyebrow but didn't press it, still feeling like you needed to collect yourself. you could stand and talk with ellie forever, but you seriously needed to regroup.

"hey, um, i'm gonna run to the bathroom," you explained.

"come find me when you're done?" ellie offered, green eyes scanning your face. she pointed to an area by the bar, showing you where you could find her.

your nerves didn't stand a chance, overpowered by the overwhelming desire to be close to her. you nodded, your smile genuine for the first time that night.

before you could return on your path to the bathroom, ellie spoke again. "do you want me to hold onto that for you?" she offered, gesturing to the drink in your hand.

"oh, yeah, thanks ellie." you passed it over and she covered the top with her hand automatically, a simple thing that made your heart swell.

"i'll be there, alright?" she guaranteed, her eyes never leaving yours. you nodded once and parted ways, quickly heading to the bathroom.

you dashed for an empty sink, running cold water over your hands as you stared at your reflection. you couldn't figure out why, but you felt weird about running into ellie here. you suddenly wondered who she was here with, or was she here alone?

pushing out a deep breath, you turned off the water and dried them with a paper towel. you felt dizzy, like you were in a state in between sleeping and being awake.

"this," you mumbled to your reflection, "this is why you don't go out."

once you had worked up the courage, you emerged from the bathroom and scanned your surroundings. the girl you came with was dancing with the guys and her friends. feeling secure in the fact that you wouldn't be missed, you went to look for ellie but you didn't have to search for long.

ellie was exactly where she had said she would be, leaning against the bar with her hand protectively covering your drink. she seemed to be keeping an eye out for you because when your eyes locked, she waved you over.

you didn't bother to try and contain your grin as you made your way over, but your confidence was short lived when a pretty girl with dark hair leaned over, talking in ellie's ear.

oh.

whatever the girl said had made ellie laugh, and you faltered in your step. of course she was here with someone. of course she had other friends, (a girlfriend?) other people that she actively talked to and hung out with. you would've been stupid for thinking otherwise, you just hadn't thought about it much.

you didn't want to interrupt, but ellie caught your eye again. she raised her eyebrows, curiously, waiting. taking a deep breath, you pressed on, slowly coming to her side.

ellie handed your cup over and you accepted, taking a drink for courage.

"welcome back," ellie mused, a small smile gracing her lips.

you glanced at the girl standing on the other side of ellie, the liquid in her cup a vibrant color. ellie followed your eyes and made a face of realization, pulling the girl into the conversation.

almost sounding sheepish, she introduced her. "this is my friend dina, and... jesse," ellie craned her neck around but 'jesse' was elsewhere. you nodded anyway, smiling in dina's direction.

"hi, it's nice to meet you," you said, genuinely, despite your heart pounding in your chest.

"likewise! i've heard so much about you," dina replied, eyes bright and smiling.

ellie's eyes widened and your eyebrows shot up, taken aback by dina's introduction. you glanced at ellie but she was already composed.

"really?" you asked, truly surprised.

dina laughed and changed the subject. "jesse complains about coming but yet it's impossible to keep an eye on him," she expresses in response. "it was so nice meeting you," dina smiles at you once more and quickly squeezes ellie's shoulder before disappearing, presumably to find 'jesse.'

you take another drink and ellie clears her throat, music filling the silence. "where's your friend?" ellie questions.

you hum thoughtfully and scan the faces of all of the dancing people until your eyes land on her group. "there," you nod in their direction, trying not to sound bitter.

"are they all your friends? do you want me to go meet them?" ellie asks, watching them for a moment before gazing at you, eyes flickering over your face.

"no," you reply quickly, flatly.

"okay then," ellie laughs, tilting her head to peer at your expression. she brushes a strand of hair out of her face and it's hard not to watch, to not be entranced by every slight movement and expression she makes.

once again, you're thankful for the lighting, or lack thereof, and for the music. for some reason it feels like less pressure, which you appreciate.

"oh god," ellie mumbles, drawing your attention. she wraps her tattooed arm around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her side. your breath hitches and you tense up, but her arm is then back by her side, the ghost of her touch electrocuting your senses. "watch out," she says, nodding to an older man making his way to the bar.

your eyebrows draw together in confusion as ellie watches the man in disgust, but you're more focused on the fact that her arm was just around you for about three seconds.

you take a slow drink, watching as the man leans down to talk to several girls crowded around the bar. it seems nearly harmless though a little odd, he's definitely the oldest person in the room as everyone else is college aged. you turn to ellie, confused, but she nudges your arm to keep watching.

he puts his arms around the girls, his hands going way too low, signaling the bartender to give them drinks with a flick of his hand.

you face ellie, eyes wide and mouth agape. she nods in disgust, but slightly amused at your expression.

"he's the owner," she explains. "he's so gross... people flirt with him because if he likes you, you're set with free drinks. he's just... gross."

"why are you here?" you question, frowning.

"dina likes to dance," ellie says simply.

"and you?"

"no," ellie laughs quickly.

"i definitely wasn't expecting to run into you here," you admit, running your finger along the rim of your plastic cup.

"yeah? i wasn't expecting you either." ellie watches you carefully, thoughtful in expression but casual in demeanor.

"excuse me ladies," a gruff voice cuts through. you snap your head up and meet the eyes of the owner, chewing your bottom lip nervously as his eyes drag across you and ellie. he contemplates ellie for a moment before setting his gaze on you, frowning.

"aren't you warm in that, sweetheart?" he slurs out, indicating to the sweater you're wearing. ellie places a gentle hand on your shoulder, making a face at the man from over your shoulder.

"i'm just fine," you remark.

he doesn't like your answer, but you didn't say anything rude so he can't lecture you. he stares at you, unmoving, and decides to give you one last chance.

"what're you drinking there?" he questions, shuffling closer to get a better look. he makes like he's expecting you to bat your eyelashes at him, and ellie tugs you backwards into her.

"let's go dance," she murmurs into your ear. your face gets hot and her hands are on your shoulders, walking behind you and guiding you away from the bar. you leave your drink on the counter, unwanted.

once you're far enough away, she gently halts you to a stop. your skin is burning from the contact and you turn to face her, trying to be lighthearted. "i thought you don't like to dance?"

the corners of her mouth turn up and you give in, absolutely folding in her presence. you leave about a foot of space in between your bodies, but loosely and awkwardly wrap your arms around her shoulders. it makes ellie nervously laugh, and she hesitates before carefully placing her hands at your waist. it's your turn to laugh now, fully aware of how ridiculous you must look. you obnoxiously sway to the side, putting your weight onto one foot and then the other, threatening to make each other fall over with the abrupt movements. it's a stark contrast to the way everyone else is moving to the music, but you're both genuinely laughing so you leave it be.

you can see your previous group in the corner of your eye and nerves wash over you again, feeling shy at ellie's playful touch. suddenly you feel guilty for harboring a secret crush on the girl, feeling as if you've crossed some sort of boundary. you steady yourself but it's hard to breathe with ellie so close, staring at your eyes and your lips and your eyes again... or did you imagine it? obviously not, but certainly you're reading into it? making something out of nothing?

ellie coughs, flustered. you both stop 'dancing,' dropping your arms and facing each other straight on.

"hey," you say, your face scrunching in confusion, "i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

your comment makes ellie recover and she breathes out a laugh in surprise, even though you were being serious.

"i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

you frown and ellie rolls her eyes, shaking her head at you in pretend disappointment. "work on it with me tomorrow then," she tells you, nearly surprising herself with how quickly it came out.

her voice is like honey, making it impossible to pull away from her, even mentally.

"really?" you eye her suspiciously.

she nods and shrugs, and you promise to think it over. standing this close to ellie felt dangerous to the small amount of confidence you tried to build up. she smelled almost earthy, a warm deep scent, maybe a touch of vanilla and... weed?

a hand brushed your waist but it wasn't ellie's, the body stepping into view. the guy from earlier that your friend had sent over came around to stand next to ellie, his eyelids heavy.

"what the fuck, dude?" ellie questioned sharply.

"i was watching you dance," he mused, glancing at you and then ellie. it was hardly even dancing, you were just making each other laugh, so your skin crawled with the idea of that guy watching with ill intent.

"okay, go watch someone else," ellie shot back, her tongue sharp.

you glanced around, catching sight of your friend from earlier. she was watching the interaction, as if it were encouraged, and gave you a thumbs up. you exhaled in disbelief, turning your attention back to ellie. she was staring the guy down, brows furrowed.

"you ladies wanna dance with me or what?" he was cocky, drunk, and standing way too close.

"fuck off," ellie spat, a lot like how you did earlier when you thought that he was the one who grabbed your arm.

he stood in disbelief, unmoving, so you grabbed ellie's hand and dragged her away.

"they should be banned from public places," you grumble. ellie snorts, features immediately softening as she turns to you.

"this is ridiculous. do you wanna get out of here?"

at her proposition, your heart leaps. you definitely do, but the idea terrifies you nonetheless. despite yourself, you automatically nod.

"let me go find dina and jesse, see if they're gonna leave or stick around longer. wanna come with?"

you almost say yes but shake your head instead. "i should go tell the person i came with that i'm leaving, just in case."

ellie nods in understanding. she starts to turn away but stops short, eyes boring into your own. "meet me right by the entrance, okay? i'll be quick."

it's your turn to signal your understanding now, and you head back through the crowd to find your... friend. it's pretty easy to spot her but not to gain her attention.

"hey. hey, i'm gonna go, alright?"

she whips around at you, confused. "you're leaving?"

"yeah."

"are you gonna be safe?"

despite being ignored and ambushed with a creepy guy, you smile at her concern. it's the bare minimum, really, but it's appreciated.

"yeah," you repeat. "it's... a friend from class. she's good. safe," you express.

you say your goodbyes and head straight for the doors like you agreed with ellie. you’re only waiting alone for a moment before she joins you, car keys in hand. dina and jesse aren’t following, and instantly you feel like an idiot.

“oh my god, ellie, i totally sabotaged your night.”

“what? no you didn’t,” ellie disagrees.

you push through the doors together, greeted by harsh winds. the cold evening air was shocking as it hit your face, self doubt washing over you.

"you were just trying to have a fun night with your friends and i... i'm such an idiot," you mutter.

"whoa, hey, you're alright," ellie presses softly. she stops walking to look at you, but looks as though she has to work up the courage before she continues speaking. "i'm glad you here were, alright? dina and jesse are fine."

your face is burning and she hesitates again, but the worry expressed on your face causes ellie to continue on.

"honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you," she admits, looking in any direction away from you.

you beg and plead with yourself not to read into it, but why did she hesitate? why would you be nervous to tell that to someone who's just a friend? are you reading too much into it, or are you friendzoning yourself?

"ellie," you breathe, and she finally brings her attention back to you. the wind howls through the night, whipping your hair across your cheeks. your heart beats quicker but ellie grows reserved, adjusting her weight on her feet.

"i'll drive you to your dorm," she tells you as she beings walking once more. you quickly follow behind, in a trance of wondering and wanting.

it felt different from before, different from sitting next to her in class and different from studying together. what was usually light hearted jokes and easy conversation was replaced by a thick cloud of nerves, a tension that conjured itself out of nowhere and you desperately wanted to crack a joke but you felt shy.

you were texting a lot lately, you had some serious late night conversations about your families, stressors, lives, anything to get to know each other but this was different. ellie seemed almost solemn now, guarded, and you were worried that you had gotten too comfortable too quickly.

you worried as you walked to the car and you worried as she drove. ellie did exactly as she said she would and you arrived safely to your building, but your feet were glued to the ground as you reached the door and you desperately wanted to selfishly stay with her, just a little longer.

"thanks for pretty much saving me tonight," you stated earnestly. "it sucked before you found me, i'm glad you did."

ellie's smile was crooked and sincere and a wave of relief washed over you. "see you tomorrow?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing up to her forehead.

"the study guide will be completed," you affirm, grinning back at the auburn haired girl.

you heave open the door to your building and ellie steps back to the car, but you call after her one final time. "text me when you're home safe," you urge her, and you can't see the smile that graces her face.

"i will," ellie promises, and she did.

after cleaning up you fall into bed, exhausted, but your mind is racing. you turn to your side, facing the wall that is decorated with two sticky notes. you lightly trace ellie's drawings with your finger, willing yourself to go to sleep so you won't be absolutely miserable with a lack of sleep by the morning.

you were seeing her again, tomorrow, and nothing else at that moment mattered.

not your endless piles of homework, or the way you were ditched tonight. not the fact that the weather was getting colder by the day and you still couldn't find your earmuffs, or that one of your finals was going to take place at 7am.

nothing else mattered... just ellie.

[ part five ]

[xeno828]

Okay, I'm an idiot!!! (Trollhunters Ending Revelation)

So, someone pointed this out to me recently and I just want to cry!! HERE ME OUT.............the ending to Rise of the Titans is actually better than you think cus there were some details I think were meant to be more obvious than they came across.

FIRST - We're all peeved that going back in time erased everyone's memories and therefore relationships and character development. However, when they go back Tobey is suddenly able to climb the rope in gym class and Claire seems to be paying attention more to Jim than last time. Especially when he is giving his speech at the audition, having a rewatch made me realize as soon as he starts speaking she has a look of recognition, almost like she thinks she's heard this speech somewhere before. Not only that but Barbara and Stickler got along incredibly quickly for 2 people who had only just met. These imply they have some sort of subconscious memory of the last timeline, WHICH considering Nari said time is NOT linear makes sense, cus if it was liner everything would be exactly the same as the first time without these subtle changes. Also, Nari said the ninth configuration is the key, the amulet would only work after they figured this out, if that's the case maybe Nari knew the amulet would to some degree protect them from complete amnesia, they just need to be 'woken up' so to speak. (Also since Merlin and Nari will be alive again they might actually be able to help with this too, especially Nari, she's the demi-god that gave them this advice for goodness sake!!!)

SECOND - The new amulet is 'For the good of all' which does tie directly into going back in time to save EVERYONE.

THIRD - Jim went back in time using the new Akiridion amulet, that means HE STILL HAS IT!!!! The message of the entire movie with Jim is that he now doesn't need the original amulet to be the Trollhunter, he always has been and always will be. Thats why the original amulet chose Toby instead of Jim the second time, it knows Jim doesn't need it anymore and can continue fighting as he is, he will ALWAYS be the Trollhunter with or without it. Jim also knows if he sticks to the original time things will end up the same and his friends that had died will still die, he's urging Toby to be the new Trollhunter to protect him in the coming fights.

There were a couple more points and details but honestly it's 3am and my ADHD brain has forgotten the rest and lost the TikTok I watched 😅

Overall tbh I'm still not happy with the ending, BUT having these pointed out has given me a different less hostile viewpoint on it. I certainly think it's plausible that this was intended but didn't come across very clearly to audiences (myself very much included). Either way, however you wanna interpret it I'm sticking with this as cannon cus if fills me with a lot more hope for the ending than how I originally felt and I don't know about you but I like feeling happy! 🤣

[propertyofwicked]

never have i ever... | rafe cameron

had a troll pt 2

part 1 here

not my gif<3

warnings - very very slight sexual references if you really squint

rafe could tell you had been distant with him the last week, but he didn’t know why. he imagined it was your brother and his obvious dislike for your relationship, but considering you had been fine after john b had first found out he didn’t understand why it had suddenly become an issue. everytime he asked you what was wrong, you responded with some excuse about just being tired from work. 

you weren’t avoiding him on purpose - well, maybe you were. the anonymous texter was adamant, and you had been drawn into this mess, spiralling slightly and spending every free moment thinking about it. you had been cheated on before, and the sinking feeling that came from being told rafe was with someone else behind your back was all too familiar. as a result you had hidden yourself away from him, always using work as an excuse and hiding in the kitchen if he came into the club. he had begin to give you the space he thought you wanted so the last thing you expected was for him to come crashing through your bedroom window at 3am, waking you up and dragging you out with him and into his car.

he didn’t speak, he just drove the two of you across the island, his hand clutching the steering wheel so hard his veins popped out and were perfectly highlighted by the full moon. 

“rafe are you going to say anything?”

“are you? you haven’t spoken to me in a week.”

“yes i have, i sent you a text earlier?”

“oh sorry “going to work now. talk later” you really have a way with words y/n - does shakespeare know about you?”

“sorry,” you mumble, not sure how to respond.

“no y/n. i don’t want your apologies - i want you to talk to me. have i done something? has john b done something? if he has ill kill h-”

“he hasn’t done anything rafe. i promise. it’s just...” you trail off, not sure how to approach the topic of the anonymous texter, knowing he’d told you to ignore it. luckily, you didn’t have to respond as a text notification filled the silence for you. you turned the phone slightly, careful not to show too much so that rafe couldn’t read it

“oh. i see,” rafe pipes up, sighing loudly as the realisation hits him,” y/n, i told you to ignore it - is this why you’ve been ignoring me all week?” he says, pulling the car to the side of the road and turning to look at you. 

you head dropped slightly, turning away from him in shame. you expected him to shout, or at least get angry and yet his hand reached up to cup your jaw and turn your face to look at his. his jaw was soft, not tense and angry as you had expected - and his eyes looked sad, almost sympathetic.

“let me read the messages,” rafe says, slowly taking the phone from your grasp. he scrolls through the chat, reading the lies this person was spreading about him - he was happy to see that you were still defending him. you had confided in him about being cheated on before, and he soon realised why you had become so distant. locking the phone and placing it on the dashboard, rafe pulls you over to come and sit on his lap so that you were straddling his waist and had no way of avoiding his stare. 

“y/n, i love you,” rafe starts, his voice soft and eyes staring into yours, his hand reaches up to tuck the hair behind your ear and makes itself at home on your jaw, “i promise you none of this is true. when i’m not with you, i’m thinking about you. you can ask top if you want, he’s actually starting to get pissed ‘cause im ‘whipped’ as he puts it. i love you, and i only want to be with you. whoever this is, messaging you, has it out for me, and for us. id never do anything to hurt you. ever.” 

it was nice to hear him be so compassionate, he was always kind and loving but he rarely said it, rafe cameron is not a man who says how he is feeling - he’d much rather show you. a tear slips from your eye, but he quickly wipes it away and presses a kiss to where it had fell. 

“i didn’t believe what they were saying you know, i just couldn’t help but fall into the trap.” 

“i know sweetheart. you don’t have to worry about me. ive got enough scratches on my back to let people know they can’t have me,” he adds, smirking slightly as you hide your face in his shoulder. 

-

you woke up late that morning, the late night adventure with some added fun in the back of rafe’s car had taken it’s toll on your already fatigued body. you get out of bed and head down the hallway, deciding a shower is probably necessary - but murmurs of the pogues in kitchen stop you in your tracks. 

“you’ve done some fucked up shit before john b, but this is a whole new level,” sarah says.

“don’t get me wrong, we all hate rafe for the shit he’s done but y/n has never been happier, especially with everything she’s gone through recently,” jj follows on, “texting her anonymous threatening messages to get her to break up with him is psychotic bro.”

what. 

it was john b? this whole time? had he been sending those texts and waiting to hear your sobs through the thin walls of the chateau? surely not. this was a joke right. without even thinking, you feet had carried you into the kitchen. jj and the rest of the group stood on one side of the table, with john b with his head in his hands - atleast he looks guilty. his head raises at the sound of you walking in and he feigns a smile hoping you hadn’t heard the conversation.

“it was you? this whole time?” you asked, voice laced with venom. he nodded slowly, realising he couldn’t hold the façade any longer. 

“look, y/n im sorr-”

“no, save it. i don’t care,” and with that you turned on your heal, back into your room, where you began to cry. you rang rafe, and he picked up immediately as he always did. you didn’t say anything but he could hear your sobs through the phone, and without a second thought he was in the car coming to pick you up. 

[sliceofcake-cupoftea]

Shhh... It's Okay

Character(s): Suzuki Ryo (x reader), Amagai Kohei

Plot Line: Abandoned by your best friend, you are left to clean up after her and her boyfriend's mess. However, what happens when that boyfriend and his bestfriend show up at your door at three in the morning? Are they really here to apologize and what's with the way Suzuki Ryo looks at you?

Warnings: Bullying (sort of), Amagai (this man really needs a warning for just his whole character), High & Low (Typical violence)

“It’s okay… It’s okay…” You mumble incoherently, half awake as you slowly walk around the room. While there was no mirror in your room, you were sure you looked like a mess. Bloodshot eyes, messy hair and heavy purple eyebags underneath your eyes. Yes, being a parent was hard.

Especially when it wasn’t your fault.

You feel a tear silently slide down your cheek as you continue to bounce the baby in your arms. His crying not letting up even for a moment as he screams into your shoulder. You knew you couldn’t do anything about it. Colic; when a baby cries for a long time for no obvious reason. 

It… It just…

…Sucked. Life sucked.

She was supposed to be your best friend. It was always supposed to be you and her against the world. You wondered when it started, when she started to be such a shitty friend. Probably when she started dating Amagai Kohei if you had to guess. Though, maybe she was always a shitty friend to you. You just didn’t want to believe it.

When she came to your doorstep crying about how she was pregnant by that bastard and was thrown out by her parents, what were you supposed to do? What the hell were you supposed to do?

What could you have done that would have changed the situation you were put in now?

After nine grueling months of taking care of her and her giving birth to a healthy baby boy, she… she just left. It was in the middle of the night, when you and Haruki–the name you helped her pick out for the baby boy–were fast asleep. 

She disappeared from your lives.

And… And you don’t think she will be coming back.

“Shit– It’s okay… It’s– It’s okay…” You whisper, kissing the baby's head. Though you aren’t sure if it's meant for him or you. 

Finally, after five long hours and it being 3am in the morning, Haruki finally stops his cries and curls up in your hold. The young babe falling asleep, finally; looking like an angel as if he wasn’t screaming like the devil a couple of minutes ago.

“Just like his father…” You mumble as you set him down in his bassinet. With one last look down at the peaceful baby, you make your way into the kitchen. Needing a cup of tea to relax yourself after the terrible day you have been having. 

Just as the pot begins to roll into a boil and you are leaning with your back against the counter, you hear your doorbell ring. 

“What…” You take a glance at the clock to make sure you weren’t going crazy, “It’s three in the morning. Who the hell…”

As you make your way to the door and crack it open, making sure the chain of your lock was still on just in case you had to shut it quickly, you can’t help but freeze once you see who was at your steps. 

You just stare at them in disbelief. You must be imagining things. This must be from the lack of sleep. They would never ever show up here at your door. But as Suzuki Ryo greets you, you begin to understand that this was no dream and fully snap out of it. Realizing you had been staring at Amagai for far too long.

“What– What the hell are you doing here…?” You finally ask, your voice shaky as you attempt to hold back your anger. After a year, this bastard decides to show up. Now. 

As Amagai says your name, his voice sounding uncomfortable and meek compared to how he used to talk to you, you wanted to scoff. Maybe he finally got his ass handed to him, you can’t help but think as you see the bruised and bandaged wounds the two boys sported. 

“I… We wanted to bring some things for… umm… Haruki…” Amagai murmurs, shuffling uncomfortably with the bags in his hands. Suddenly, he seems to realize something and quickly adds it, “And, some things for you as well! Ryo… got some things for you. It was… his idea.”

You wanted to scream at him. You wanted to tell them to go away and never to come back. But, you were, one, too tired to scream right now and, two, really needed some more things for Haruki. Between High School and your shitty part-time job, your savings were running out quickly and your job couldn’t replenish them fast enough to keep up with the demand of raising a newborn.

With a small sigh, you unlock the lock on the door and allow the men in. As they place and unpack the items on the counter, surprisingly choosing the right things a three month old baby needs, you begrudgingly fall pity on the blonde man in front of you. Especially as he attempts to act like this was no big deal but his awkward shuffles around the kitchen as he follows Suzuki give him away rather quickly. So, with another small sigh, you tell Amagai that he can see Haruki but he had to be careful as the baby just fell asleep a few moments ago. You wanted to smile at the way he seemed to light up at the offer, quickly washing his hands before stumbling over his feet to make his way to your room, but were too exhausted to do so.

Shit. 

You were crashing.

“Were you making a drink?” Suzuki suddenly asks, making you pause in your movements of rubbing your eyes. As you glance up at the man, one that had never really addressed you before, you can’t help but take note of an obvious difference in him. While nothing outwardly seemed to change especially in his appearance, he seemed… to glow? No longer seeming like this emotionless doll that Amagai puppeteered at every whim and need. 

“Ah…” You murmur, snapping out of your thoughts once you realize the male was waiting for your response, “Yes, I was just making some tea.”

As you step forward back to the kettle that had long started boiling, Ryo seems to stop you. 

“Let me do it.” He simply says, using his larger figure to cut you off as he grabs a mug from the drying rack and places a tea bag from the pack you placed on the counter earlier inside.

“But–” 

“You shouldn’t be pouring something this hot while you are half awake. It’s dangerous.” 

With a frustrated sigh, you glare at the man as he continues to make your tea. Not even noticing how he seemed to add the correct amount of milk and sugar you like in there. Nor how he knew to place two ice cubes in it as you didn’t like it too hot.

“I can make a simple drink just fine, Suzuk–” Suddenly, a wave of nausea hits you and you find the world around you begin to spin. 

What–

“I’ve got you,” You can’t help but jump a little as Suzuki wraps his arms around your waist, catching you. Not even realizing your knees had begun to give out. You wanted to argue saying you were fine but you both knew that was a lie. As suddenly a sharp pain bounces through your head, you lean against Suzuki for support as he leans against the counter to hold you steady. You found yourself quickly slipping as you turned your head and leaned it against the man’s shoulder. Hoping the harder you squeezed your eyes that the pain throbbing in your head would go away. 

“Ryo…” You incoherently murmur as one of the man’s arms quickly wraps around your behind, lifting you just enough the ground so he could carry you safely. Allowing him to bring you to the couch before you practically fell limp in his arms. 

As Ryo lays on the couch, his back facing the back of it as he holds you close to him– carefully placing a pillow underneath your head before moving a lock of hair that obstructed your vision–you can only stare at him. Taking in his dark endless eyes that pierced back at yours.

“You're okay.” He says, his rough calloused hand brushing more of your hair out of the way as you begin to lose consciousness. While his face stays its usual rather blank expression, you can't help but notice the slight worry in the man’s gaze. 

The same one he gave you the last time he saw you. 

“Ryo…” You murmur once more, your eyes growing heavy as you finally fall asleep. Swearing you felt the gentle yet chapped feeling of Ryo’s lips against your forehead as he wraps you in his arms, whisking you off to dreamland.

–.--.--.--.--

“Mina!” You can’t help but sputter as you stare at your best friend. Shocked at the information she just told you, “You can’t go having–”

Quickly, you look around the entrance to make sure none of the Senomon Tech students were close enough to hear, “Sex. Without. Protection.”

“But, he pulled out,” She whines as she adjusts her makeup in a pocket mirror she carried with her. A slight pout on her lips as she listens to you chastise her. 

“That doesn’t coun–”

“Oi! Look who we have here,” While Mina practically beams at the voice, you can’t help but freeze as Amagai and his gang walks up to you two, “My lovely girlfriend…”

With a piercing gaze from Amagai that trails to your figure, like a predator would his prey, you can’t help but feel goose bumps litter your skin.

“And her precious pet.” 

That's what made you question your friendship with Mina. That exact trait from Amagai. For while Mina and him were in the same high social class, you and many of the other students weren’t. Making everyone else his tools or, in your case, his girlfriend’s pet.

You shouldn’t have agreed to this. It always left a sour taste in your mouth and a sense of humiliation that seeped deep into your bones. But, she always begged you. Just one more day, she would say, I only have you. You're my friend. My only friend I hold dear to my heart. So please, one more time.

Fucking manipulator.

But, you fell for it every time.

“Hey, bitch,” You can’t help but flinch a little at the way Amagai addresses you, “Mina has owned you since you were a kid, right?”

What? You can’t help but glance a confused look Mina’s way. But, of course, the girl wasn’t paying any attention to you. Instead adjusting her lipstick as she hums to something Saboten said.

“Hey,” You take a step back, making your back hit the wall as Amagai steps forward. Kicking his leg up so his foot was right by your waist. “I don’t liked being ignored.”

“Sorry…” You sputter, fearfully glancing between him and Mina, “Yes, Mina has been—... has owned me since we were kids.”

“Well, Mina and I thought of something the other day,” Amagai starts, finally gaining Mina's attention as he gestures to her, “She has a long-term pet…”

As he gestures to you, making the others snicker, you realize you don’t like the look in his eye. Something. Something bad was about to happen.

“And, I have a long-term tool…” 

Bringing his hand around, he gestures to Suzuki. The black haired man as usual just staring you down. A cold expressionless slate on his face. One that never failed to make you feel small and intimidated under his glance.

“It’s only right that we bring you two together.” He finishes, making you stare with wide-eyes in confusion as he brings his hand up to pat Suzuki’s shoulder. Seeming to have told the man something ahead of time as the black haired man steps forward. Making his way in your direction without another word.

“H– Hey!” You wince as Suzuki grabs your wrist, a bit too harsh to be comfortable, as he stands by your side. From feet to waist to shoulders, you were pressed side by side to Suzuki Ryo. Looking more like two mannequins for the others to look and examine than people.

“How adorable. Don’t they look great together?” Amagai chuckles, wrapping his arm around Mina. The young girl nodding her head in agreement with a lovesick gaze on her face as she stares at her boyfriend. Soon, the rest chime in agreement (more like mockery of you two). One who you believe was Saboten even throws a condom on the ground in front of you two.

Disgusting.

“Go.” Amagai says as he starts to walk away, “Go on a pathetic tool date or something. Hell, go make some new tools for society to use.”

Fucking… Disgusting. 

What a terrible man.

You can’t help but shiver and shake in anger as you watch the group round the corner. Leaving you and Suzuki alone to just stand there as if they didn’t just treat you two as something less than human.

Unable to hold yourself back from the anger that is pumping through your veins, you snap your wrist out of Suzuki’s grasp. Sending the male an glare as he stared at you from the corner of his eyes. Still sporting that annoying expressionless face of his that you wanted to punch as you began to walk away.

As you get halfway down the street away from Senomon Tech, suddenly someone calls after you and it takes you a moment to realize as to who. Especially as you have never heard him speak before.

“I…” Suzuki starts and as you stare at him, you realize what you have been missing. While his face remained cold, expressionless, his eyes told a different story. Worry; was he worried for you? “I’m… sorry. This was my fault.”

His fault?

However you never got to ask what he meant by that as without another word, Suzuki Ryo leaves. Disappearing from your life just like you did with the others, following his lead. Deciding that very next day to transfer to a new school to get away from Mina and the brutes of Senomon Tech.

Of course, it wasn’t that easy. 

Life never was.

—.—.—.—.—

“She’s still asleep?” Amagai says as he enters the living room. Pulling out a cigarette only to pause and put it away once he realized where he was, “It’s half past noon. You sure she ain’t dead, Ryo?”

At the sadistic laugh that leaves Amagai’s lips, Ryo can only roll his eyes at his friend’s sense of humor. Some things would never change. 

“Damn it, look at you.” Ryo’s eyes trail from the peaceful expression on your sleeping face to Amagai. His friend giving him a knowing look, “Absolutely smitten by her.” 

Another laugh leaves Amagai’s lips, this time just softer, as if he knew something that Ryo didn’t, “Then again, you always were.”

With wide eyes, Ryo can’t help but stare at his friend in shock, “You knew.”

“Of course, I knew, Idiot.” Amagai scoffs, “Why did you think I started dating Mina? The way you would slow your pace whenever you would pass by the café she worked at was pathetic. You looked like a lovesick puppy.” 

“You…” Ryo lets silence fill the air as he thinks over what his friend just informed him, “You dated Mina because…” 

“Because she was her best friend?” Amagai finishes, gesturing to you still sound asleep in Ryo’s arms. The young man playing with the strands of your hair. Carefully untangling knots with his fingers that he would run into before continuing on as he listened to his friend. Letting out a small sigh, Ryo rests his face on your neck, seeming content, before suddenly letting out a bigger sigh and lifting his head slightly to return his attention back to Amagai.

“Ko…” Ryo starts, pausing before proceeding with his words, “...you are such a bastard.” 

“Hah?” Quickly, Ryo catches a pillow that Amagai whips in his direction, simply placing it on top of your waist acting like it happened every day between the two, “Me? You were the one that wouldn’t talk to her. I had to order you to go on a date with her.”

“And, how did that turn out?”

Tense silence fills the air between the two boys at Ryo’s spiteful response. Both with their gazes cast downward as they appear to think.

“...Sorry,” Ryo voices, the first to speak up and always the first to apologize, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Idiot… what are you apologizing for…” Amagai mumbles back, before letting out a sigh and changing the topic to something else, “At least she hates me, not you. You still have a chance.”

“Yeah…” Ryo murmurs, sighing as he pulls you closer to him. Allowing himself a selfish moment to enjoy your presence. Silently hoping you wouldn’t wake up anytime soon so that you two could stay like this. Looking like lovers even though he knew the moment you would awake, you would be nothing more than strangers, “...hopefully.”

“You will…I promise,” Amagai says, sitting up straighter as he hears Haruki begin to cry in the other room. Both men quickly acting once they notice you begin to stir from the young babe’s cries. 

“Fuck… How the hell does she do this every day?” Amagai curses as he gets up with a groan, watching as his friend quickly covers your ears with a pillow so you don’t hear the cries. Hoping you would fall back into your deep slumber. 

With a small smile, Ryo laughs lowly at his friend’s complains, “Maybe we should ask Rao for help–” 

“I would rather die.”

[mackjlee9]

songfic idea of Leon

this is a song in spanish but it basically talks about a guy who's in a relationship with somebody and his partner is putting way too much distance in between eachother so the guy wonders if his partner actually loves him.

I don't want the angsty requests to be too repetitive bc angst with leon in my head with this type of prompts always involve ada 😭 i lack creativity but i try my best.

maybe the guy who wonders if his partner loves him is the reader and the partner is leon. maybe leon has been emotionally away, reader tries to get his attention but nothing works, in missions leon won't talk, reader is absolutely breaking inside. i can't really think of a reason of why leon would act this way so i'l leave that part to you 😭 though if u need ideas too i could think of something, i'm just very dramatic and love hurt lmao. this is just a little prompt so if i think of something i'll tell you bye bye!

Aveces hasta me olvido que sé español :p

Leon Kennedy x Male!Reader [Angst]

Please, let me keep the sad ending T_T I don't like happy endings

Masterlist.

Resident Evil

(M/n) pretended like he didn't see the signals, the way too obvious signs of their love falling apart. He just didn't want to acknowledge that what he had with Leon was already gone- that it was never there, to begin with.

He can clearly remember the first time it happened, it came to him one night.

Both he and Leon had come back from a difficult mission, and without much argument, Leon had let him shower first, claiming he had to make a call. (M/n) didn't question it since they usually had to do that anyway, plus he was tired and gross so he was really needing to take that shower and head to bed as soon as he could.

Already in their room, (M/n) plopped face down on the made bed, hearing Leon's footsteps down the hall as he headed to the bathroom, "You're gonna get sick," he called out on his way past the slightly opened door, making (M/n) grunt as he got off the bed and pulled the covers back, getting in properly this time.

Even if he was dead tired, he couldn't sleep unless he knew Leon was next to him, especially after this mission they had, he just wanted to hold Leon close and never let him go, so he waited for him to come in the room.

He heard the water from the shower stop, and a few minutes later, the bathroom light was turned off, followed by quiet steps approaching the door. (M/n) fixed his spot on the bed and patiently waited for Leon to come into the room.

But nothing.

In the quiet of their house, (M/n) heard the couch creaking under Leon's weight, and the clicking sounds of his keyboard. Maybe he had some leftover work to do, maybe Hunnigan asked him to do it now instead of in the morning. He figured it wouldn't take him more than an hour, so he waited.

And waited.

And kept waiting.

And now the clock read 3am. He sighed and kicked the sheets off his legs, standing up and walking to the opened door of the room, his steps quietly hitting the floor. He opened the door and walked out, stepping into the living room.

Leon was sleeping on the couch, the warm glow of the lamp on the table next to the couch cast a glow on him, making shadows around him. (M/n) sighed and smiled, walking closer to him, he probably fell asleep while working on stuff so he didn't blame Leon for not going to bed.

Out of the corner of his eye, (M/n) noticed a blinking light coming from his side, and he realized it was Leon's laptop. The screen was dark, but it was still on. He moved it toward him slightly, touching the pad and soon the screen lit up.

Many png files were opened, shining on the screen with an almost mocking glow, he felt his chest tight when he recognized the woman in the pictures. Ada.

He took a deep breath, not wanting to assume anything yet, if Leon was cheating on him, he'll tell him, right? So maybe he was investigating her because of a mission or something, (M/n) tried to convince himself that's all it was. He closed the laptop, turned the lamp off, and took a deep breath, blinking away the tears that started gathering in his eyes because of his anxiety.

He turned around and stumbled his way back to the room, falling on the bed and staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep that night.

///////

The next morning, (M/n) got up from the bed and decided to make breakfast, he kept telling himself that it was nothing and maybe Leon was gonna tell him about it, maybe he just fell asleep working on her file, so he managed to calm down just a bit.

And there he was.

"Good morning," (M/n) said while handing Leon his coffee mug when he watched him heading to the coffee maker. Leon grabbed it with a hum, and (M/n) leaned closer to kiss him, but Leon frowned and backed away.

"What are you doing?" His harsh tone of voice was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes, but he just let out a dry chuckle, mumbling a weak 'sorry' as he walked out of the kitchen, ditching his freshly baked breakfast.

It's okay, he's just in a bad mood, nothing unusual, I'm sure... I'm sure he'll be okay by night... Right?

When nighttime arrived, (M/n) lay in bed and waited for Leon, see what he was gonna do. His mind was overworking itself with all the overthinking he had been doing in less than 24hrs, he was willing to forget this day even happened if Leon goes back to being the caring and sweet boyfriend he has been for years.

And his hope warmed his chest when he saw Leon walking into the room and silently laying in bed beside him. But something was off.

He frowned and turned on his side, the light outside coming through the window, keeping the room illuminated enough. He fixed the sheets up to his shoulder and reached his arm to wrap around Leon's waist, cuddling against his back. Or he tried to.

Leon groaned and pushed his arm away from him, muttering something about being too hot. In a 10-degree Celsius weather.

(M/n) just remained silent and slowly turned around, facing away from Leon. A few minutes went by when he heard Leon's phone vibrating on the bedside table.

"Finally," (M/n) heard him mumble, and then the mattress moved when he left the bed, making (M/n) glance behind him, lifting his upper body with his elbow.

"Where are you going?" He asked quietly when he saw him putting on his jeans, followed by his jacket.

"Out," was all he said while putting on his boots. (M/n) pushed the sheets off his body and sat on the bed.

"Let me go with you-"

"No," his words were cut off by Leon, his voice serious and dry, as if he was mad about something.

"Why not?" (M/n) stood up from the bed, about to walk closer to Leon, when he opened their bedroom door, staring at him with a frown.

"Because it's none of your business, (M/n)," he felt his heart breaking at his words, at the meaning behind him, after all the things they went through... They promised they would always be there for each other, and would never keep secrets because things like this could happen.

(M/n) had a hard time swallowing due to the knot in his throat, nodding as the tears blurred his vision, sitting back down on the bed, "Sorry, Lee, I didn't mean to upset you-"

The door slamming shut cut him off after Leon had walked out, followed by the clicking sound of his keys, and then, the front door opening and closing in less than ten seconds.

(M/n) cried that night, staying up for hours wondering. Asking himself what had he done to cause this behavior in Leon. He couldn't stop himself from questioning their love, he knew he was in love with Leon, but... Does he still- did Leon ever even love him?

//////

A few days later, (M/n) was done with Leon's behavior, he was tired of this recurring pattern, and now he was in the living room, standing in front of Leon with his arms crossed as he waited for the blond to look up at him.

When Leon looked up at him, he saw him trying to hide the exasperation on his expression, but it was obvious he couldn't, "What do you want?"

"An explanation," (M/n) held his tongue back when he heard and saw Leon's scoff.

"What do you want me to explain?" (M/n) frowned and clenched his fists, trying to hide his annoyance.

"Your behavior, what's going on with you?" Leon simply rolled his eyes and went back to typing on his laptop, checking the files scattered around on the coffee table.

"I have nothing to tell you, now leave me alone," (M/n) pressed his lips together, took a deep and took a few seconds to calm down, he tried, he really did try to fix things, but... It didn't seem like anything wanted to be fixed.

He walked around the coffee table and knelt on the ground next to Leon's legs, soon making eye contact with blue eyes that looked at him with indifference, "Lee, can we please talk about this? About us?"

Leon stayed silent, and he slowly started leaning down to (M/n)'s face, only a few inches separating them, their warm breaths mixing.

"There's no us here, if that's what you wanted to hear."

And just like that, like he hasn't just broken (M/n) heart after all these years dating, he went back to his laptop, working in complete silence, like he has been doing the past week. (M/n) nodded, having heard more than enough, he definitely got the information that mattered out of this conversation.

"Sorry I bothered you," he whispered and proceeded to stand up, turning around and wiping the few tears that managed to run down his face, "I'll leave you alone," he wouldn't have gotten a reply even if he waited so he simply walked back to their shared room and closed the door behind him.

With trembling hands and blurry sight, he calls Hunnigan, walking to the closet and taking out a few bags, hurrying to put all his clothes and things inside them, hearing Hunnigan picking up.

"Hey, Ingrid I uh- sorry I called you so late but I-" he spoke frantically, not leaving the woman chance to mutter a small greeting, she heard (M/n)'s sobs and sniffing but she didn't comment on it, even if she was wondering what might've happened to him, "I need you to find me a new place to stay."

And that answered the most important question in her mind, she hummed slightly, "On it," she grabbed her laptop, clicked a few times, and sent him a few locations nearby and a few others almost outside the city. She didn't know what he needed right now, but she tried her best, "I'm not gonna intrude but... I'm here for anything you need, (M/n)."

He smiled a bit and took in a shaky breath, swallowing past the knot in his throat, "Thank you, Ingrid, you're truly the best."

As they hung up, (M/n) finished packing the few things he had left, he only had to empty his bedside drawer. He sighed and dried his face before sitting on the bed and sliding the drawer open. He took out anything he needed and left all the things that were useless to him now, like little notes he had written through the years...

His movements halted when he saw it. That box he was so nervous and giddy about, thinking about what was inside it always made him worried yet happy, because back then, last month, he was sure of Leon's love. But now... It was such a bitter memory.

(M/n) grabbed it and opened it, the ring shining under the light of the room, reflecting it and hitting the walls. New hot tears start dripping down his face and he released a choked sob, standing up and closing the box, throwing it on the bed.

He couldn't help it, it was too painful. His cries and sobs echoed in the room, seeping through the thin walls, reaching Leon's ears.

For a moment, he thought about checking up on him, but with gritted teeth, he focuses back on his laptop screen.

The notification sound of his phone catches his attention, and the thought of hitting something crossed his mind, but that wasn't gonna fix anything now. Nothing could.

He stood up and glared at the box, as if it had physically hurt him, and saw the post-it notes on Leon's side. He took a deep breath, and wrote down on the paper, taking it and folding the sticky part on itself, placing the note on the bed and the box on top of it. He grabbed his bags and looked at the room for the last time, nothing much changed without his stuff around. Leon wouldn't care, so why should he?

He walked out of the room and to the front door, he never spared a glance at Leon, not even once, he didn't want to see the man he loves, that same man that broke his heart without a second thought.

Extended ending.

"Please, don't think our love was a coincidence, something senseless. A love that goes into oblivion, something that doesn't matter. I truly love you, Leon, but maybe I was an idiot."

Leon crumbled the paper in his hand, throwing it back on the bed, his fingers wrapped tightly against the velvet box, observing the ring kept inside it. He clenched his jaw, and closed it again, placing it on his desk.

All night long, he couldn't stop looking at that little box. Wondering how something so small could mean the world to some people?

(M/n) was one of those people. He saw a happy future with him... But he could never give him what he wanted- what he needed. Unconditional love.

[saltsicklover]

Title: Fated to Run - Fated to Fly ꨄ︎ Part One of Two

Prompt from THIS ASK

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5000+

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, Creepy Dude, Rhett and Jake rescue reader, one use of Y/N, airports and flying, argument, nothing too crazy, angst

---

To all the people that said finding their soulmate was just so easy, and that they didn't even have to look deserve a giant middle finger shoved right into their face. After all, sometimes people's soulmates just fall right into their fucking laps like the divine are throwing them a goddamn bone. 

Most of us have to earn the privilege of finding our soulmates. You would think that the universe would have come up with a better system, some way to be sure that you've found exactly who you're supposed to. But it's truly fucking coincidence.

What a goddamn pain in the ass. 

Those little words scripted onto skin give only a hint, a shred of an idea that comes with far too much hope and no direction. 

In a perfect world, that script would glow when you find your person, or maybe your person would be the one to say them. Maybe there'd be a way to just know that you've found your other half. Maybe the universe could've bloomed with color upon first contact, the whole world coming to life around you. Hell, maybe the fucking ink would itch when you came close, or, maybe it could turn colors, burning like a cinder straight to the skin. 

It could have been a name, or map quadrants, an number even...

But no. 

All we get is the first thing someone else in our earshot says about our other half. It could be anyone, really, family and friends, lovers or enemies. The universe doesn't care, like it's all one big cosmic joke.  

And if you get stuck with something common? You're pretty much royally fucked. 

The amount of sorry souls who are stuck with "oh, he's a great guy," or "she's so pretty!" Have to live with hearing that damn phrase over and over again, just hoping that maybe it will lead them in the right direction.

It's sick, really, the whole goddamn thing. Especially because I want nothing else. 

"Oh, it's just Bob," is etched deep into my skin, the little letters marking over my collar bone like it's laced with disappointment. There's something about the word "just" that make's me clench my jaw. I can feel the muscle tick as I grind my teeth against each other, feeling the ridges catch. 

Whoever Bob is sure as hell isn't just anything. He is everything, and the unlucky bastard who dares say anything different has a swift right hook in their future, or maybe a hard shove, if the mood strikes. Anything that might take the edge off. 

Though I haven't met Bob yet, I feel fiercely protective over him, over the way others see him. After all, his heart is worth more than words like "just". 

The airport is just a little too dead for 3am, a few too few people ambling around half awake. Those who are here wear dark bags under their eyes, snuggled deep into their jackets to keep the too cold air conditioning from hitting their bare skin. Some pull luggage behind them, kicking it at they go, getting more and more pissed off every time their heel catches on their suitcase. Others talk too loudly on the phone, their cell's pressed to their cheeks by shoulders, by hands, others taking through their headsets. 

A sharply dressed man, clad in a brown suit and loafers argues with a woman in a language I don't speak. She is pointing at the board with a well polished fingernail, one that matches her power suit, while the man is shoving his phone into her face. It's obvious they are arguing about their flight, but neither of them seem to budge on their side. 

It's comical, really, how animated they are. I wonder if they are soulmates, if they found each other out if the sheer passion and dedication they are displaying. After all, if one has this much passion for a flight, it would only stand to reason that the business of finding their soulmate would be met with equal fever. They are a good match, too. The universe doesn't always deal out people who look like they should be together. Aesthetics clash, personalities not quite off set. But these two just have an air about them- like they belong; also like they are going to miss their flight.

I pass them as quickly as I can, as the anger rolls off of them. It's much too late, or maybe much too early to witness such an argument, and I have to make it all the way down to gate 93. With each step, my duffle bag seems to get heavier, no doubt taking after my eyelids. 

Whoever designed the Dallas airport needs to be given some sort of medal for "longest hallways that seem to lead nowhere". With every turn I take I feel like I'm headed further away, but the signs keep pushing me forward. 

Almost there, almost there. 

Gate 88 and Gate 89. 

Gate 90. 

As I walk by Gate 91, I catch two men laying on the dirty carpet in front of the lines of chairs. Their forms stand out against the oddly patterned carpet, though they almost look like they belong there. They are waiting in front of a gate that reads no destination. I know I shouldn't stare, but I can't seem to stop the slowing of my feet. I slide one side off my headphones back off of my ear, doing my best to be inconspicuous. I hope to catch a word, a whisper of what they might be saying but their lips are sealed, it seems, neither one saying a thing. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I take in their position on the ground. One has a cowboy hat pulled down over his face to try and keep the buzzing fluorescents out of his eyes. His head is balanced on a small duffle bag, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. His hands sit on his stomach, fingers laced together. His skin is golden, one of those tans you get from being stuck outside day after day. 

He doesn't move a muscle. It barely looks like he's breathing, really. There's something a bit eerie about it, the stillness of him. 

The other man, blond with a cropped haircut and equally bronzed skin sits on the ground a few feet from the other. His back is leaned up against the side of a chair, his knees bent. He looks equally exhausted, eyes closed, head leaned back exposing the long line of his neck. 

He shivers a bit, the wholeness of it rolling through his body. Though he keeps his eyes closed, his expression scrunches before relaxing again. He doesn't look even remotely comfortable, unlike his stony counterpart. 

The pair have very different looks about them, the former all home grown cowboy with still muddy boots while the ladder is clean cut and chiseled. The blond has his hands shoved into the large pocket on the front of his hoodie, trying to starve off the chill that hangs in the terminal. 

Not soulmates, that's for sure. Over the years, I have been able to pick out soulmates from just a few calculated but fleeting glances. There's always something about a pair that just reads right, a vibe that they give off when they are finally buzzing together. But one thing is for sure, these two aren't soulmates, the fact that they're even friends feels funny. 

It's not an impossible fact, to be sure. The predestined soul mate, the way it's written into the universe, could be anyone. That's part of the difficulty of it, for sure, but there's always something that seems to click. Souls are like metronomes, clicking away, othering ticking, always out of time; until the right person comes along and you're right on time with each other. With this pair, they are just a little too jagged around the edges, too seasoned in their own rights to slot together. Friendship is different- nothing knit into the weave of the universe, there, though it may have been easier if it were. 

The moment I make it to my gate, I throw my bag down, by body feeling a bit too much like jelly from all of the travel to hold it any longer. The men are just a gate down, living in their own little bubble. I can't fight the smile that blooms across my face. There's that word, about knowing everyone has their own lives, their own loves. Sonder, I think it is, and in this moment it washes over me. 

"Hey," A voice rings out through the quiet of the terminal, over the loudness of my mind. I look up, my eyes meeting a man who must be in his later forties. He's balding on top, glasses shoved awkwardly onto the bridge of his nose. His clothes are a mismatch of dressy and unkempt. A suit jacket thrown over his hoodie, a pair of pajama pants adorning his bottom half. The whole ensemble is wrapped up with the cowboy hat sitting on the chair next to him, crocs on his feet. 

"Hi," I nod more than speak, a strange feeling blooming in the pit of my stomach. This is not a man I care to be around. If I keep my eyes down, hands busy, maybe he will get the message.

"Why don't you sit down and we'll have a chat," There's a sort of greasy smile that spreads across his face. A shudder dances down my spine at the sight, gooseflesh breaking out over my already cold body. The feeling of them breathing to life makes my skin go almost clammy, an uncomfortable feeling under my warm layers. 

"No, thank you," The answer is curt as I push my duffle just a little further away with my foot. It drags against the well walked carpet, the sound it makes echoing the one in my chest. It's a sort of stuck sensation, what it morphs into, one that I feel with my whole body. 

"Oh, come on, what's a little chat going to hurt?" The man tries again, leaning closer to me, sliding to the seat next to him. We are no further apart now than when we started. My foot meets the side of my duffle again, ready to push it once more. Each little move he makes my eyes train on, from the way his hand curls around the armrest to the way he seems to be peering, leering, over the tops of his too thick glasses. 

"Nope," I pop the 'P', waving my hand a bit, "I'm not entertaining this any longer."

I stoop down to grab my headphones from my bag, only to have the strange man's hand appear in front of me as he is reaching too. The step back I take is almost involuntary, more focused on getting away from his incoming touch than my things now sitting in between us. The glare I send the man is lacking due to the bubbling fear popping in my chest. I place my headphones around my neck in a shallow attempt to keep my hands from shaking. 

"Oh come on sweet-"

"Tommy Grace! There ya'are! Ya'walked right past us, girl," An arm is thrown around my shoulder, warm and lean. I shift my eyes over quickly, mind and body shooting from high alert to a sort of easy when I see the cowboy from the gate over, now standing to my side, folding me protectively under his arm. The feeling of being protected shouldn't feel quite so strong coming from a stranger. However, the way he keeps his hand right atop the cap of my shoulder, his heartbeat thrumming against my other shoulder just bleeds that feeling. 

"Oh! Seriously? You must've been hiding," I do my best to play along, instantly feeling a little more at ease as the man across from us looks less so. I can't help but revel in the uncomfortable look on the greasy man's face, as well as the warmth pouring from the cowboy. 

"Is this guy a friend o'yers?" The cowboy asks, looking at the man from under the brim of his hat. I can feel the way the pads of his fingers dig into the muscle of my arm, each finger individually curling into the thickness there. It doesn't hurt. Instead it's a grounding point, from him to me and back again. Two strangers bound together if only for a moment. 

"Oh, no, we've never met before," I tell him, gazing up at his face. The scruff of his cheek is fuller at this angle, the defined slope of his jaw easily tracible with my eyes. He's handsome from this angle, which I bet means he's even better looking from head on. 

"I see, well," The cowboy narrows his eyes, "Your brother'sa waitin' and y'know how Jake gets," 

"Boy do I," I chuckle from the safety of his embrace, throwing a sideways glance to the man who seems to be in some sort of staring match with the cowboy. Their eyes are trained on each other, fighting for dominance over the situation. From the way the greasy man's eye twitches slightly, I know the cowboy must be winning. 

"Go on an' see 'em, I'll grab your bag," He is pushing me towards the other gate, a warm palm between my shoulder blades. It's not a hard shove, but the way his hand is pressed firm to my back gives me a clue on just how quickly I need to get out of there. The cowboy shoots me a wink before turning back to the strange man, his eyes narrowing again. 

I don't want to see the look in his eye when it's turned on the greasy stranger. I can imagine just how dark those blue green eyes could tint given the right amount of rage flowing behind them. So, I keep my eyes forward, keep focused on just where I'm headed. 

Quickly, I make my way over to the now standing blond, Jake. The moment his eyes meet mine he is smiling, the kind of smile that instantly eases my nerves. I wave a bit, my hand not making it any higher than my midsection. I can't help but feel the same tiredness in my limbs that I see in his eyes. There is something weighing us both down, and something tells me it's more than just the travel. More than the overly saturated interactions with strangers and flight attendant served booze. 

The moment I'm in earshot, he's already saying hello, opening his arms wide for me. I step into his space, wrapping my arms around his middle. Carefully, almost too lightly, the blond is wrapping his arms around me. It's one of those hugs- the kind you give that estranged relative at Thanksgiving. It's a tad bit awkward from my end, but Jake squeezed me just a little bit tighter as relax against his broad frame and I can't fight the urge to press my face into the soft fabric of his hoodie. 

"Thank you," I mumble into his sweatshirt. As I pull back, the blond squeezes my shoulders quickly, a quiet "you're welcome" in return. I peer up at the tall blond, taking in the gentle curves of his smile lines, how they frame his headstone like teeth, polished white and perfectly straight. His tongue flicks over the corner of his mouth, eyes positioned somewhere behind me.

There is something in that look of his, something playing behind the sea glass tint of his irises. It's a sort of mirth, if mirth was more gentle than the definition explains. Maybe it's a fondness for the other man, one that's hidden behind layers of faux dislike and teasing. The pair bonded together as brothers are, all bemused, an oath, blood of the covenant, that they don't remember taking.  

As I turn to follow his eyeline, Jake folds me carefully under his arm just as the cowboy had before. Maybe their friendship is stronger than I had originally thought. The way they seem to work in unison to the very clear way they've each folded me into the safety of their embrace. It's different with Jake though. He's more calm, his heartbeat isn't hammering out of his chest. I can scarlessly feel it where our bodies are pressed together. 

"Does he do this kind of thing often?" There's a sideways glance shared between us before Jake's chest raddles with a light chuckle. It awakens him just a bit behind the eyes. 

"Yes, but we usually know the girl," The humor in his voice makes the anxiety in my stomach settle a bit. His voice is too warm, too kind to elicit anything but safety in this moment. 

I can feel the small smile ghosting over my lips, the image of the pair many years younger fluttering through my brain. The cowboy and Jake, rescuing girls in the school hallways, folding innocent girls, with glasses and hair pulled back into tidy braids, into their embrace. There's a sort of teamwork in the way it all went down today, through I missed the progression. From the moment the cowboy tucked my body into his, the intense hammering of his own heartbeat be damned, to the way Jake greeted me with literal open arms. There's so much warmth here. 

"And he'd not your soulmate," It's a statement, plain and simple. That get's him laughing for real this time, his whole face coming to life from how his smile overtakes his expression. 

"Not remotely," The words make it out a moment later as Jake still fights a bit to catch his breath. "We grew up near each other, down the same county road just outside a forgettable town here in Texas," 

"Escaping while you still can?" I chide, nudging him with my elbow. 

"I escaped a long time ago," Jake corrects, a small shrug pulls away his body heat for just a moment before it returns. 

"But you're back?" 

"Rhett and I are headed to California," The explanation comes easy, and for a moment I wonder why he's even explaining it all to me, but I am thankful to know the real name of the cowboy, "He's helping get me settled in Miramar, new permanent station," 

"Station? Does that make you Army?"

There's that laugh again. 

"Naval Aviator," There's no sharpness in the correction, as cocky as it is.

"Wouldn't it be a new port for you then, Sailor?" I nudge him again, playfully. There is something so easy about talking to Jake, his arm folding me into his warmth. Something truly sibling like about it, my place here under his sturdy frame. His protective nature and warm smile, a sort of family for just a few fleeting moments. 

"I guess you're right," There's a tad bit of humor in that sentence, but it's hiding behind the tiredness layered in his voice. 

"Wait, did you say Naval Aviator?" I look up at him so directly, eyebrows pulled tightly together as I fight to keep a smile off of my lips. "And you're going to Miramar?" 

I watch as he pulls his own well groomed eyebrows together in a furrow, his lips curving into a ghost of a frown. 

"Yes, Ma'am," 

I can't fight the laugh that bubbles past my lips, the whole thing sounding a bit too sharp, a bit too loud. Where most men are put off by the sound, Jake just looks at me with curious eyes. His tongue flicks over the corner of his slightly upturned mouth, that grin silently begging for me to continue. 

"What're you lot laughin' bout?" Rhett calls out, his voice filling my ears. 

"Well, turns out my brother," I wink at Rhett now, turning my attention his way, "works under my father,"

If the progression of thought could be clearly mapped through faces with flicks of tongues and furrowing of brows, the pair would have told a whole story in the matter of seconds, of squinted eyes and the pursing of lips. 

"Your father?" The pair speak in unison, accents blending together. I can't help but laugh as I flick my eyes between them. Both wear a sort of confused expression, bemused with eyebrows scrunched together, head tilting just so. 

"Yes, my father. Rear Admiral Simpson?" I offer the name as a sort of clarification, though it comes out as a question. Rhett's eyebrows knit together a little tighter, eyes darting to Jake for assurance, or maybe it's confirmation. Jake's eyebrows are raised, his mouth slightly agape by the time my gaze slips back over him. 

"You're Cyclone's kid?" There's more to it, from the way his mouth opens and closes a couple of times before he catches the tip of his tongue between his perfect front teeth. "Are you Arrow?"

"Oh, hell no!" I can't hold back the laughter, my cheeks no doubt pinking up from the way my smile pushes them out, "That's my older brother, Anthony! He's an Aviator too, hoping to get selected for Top Gun any day now... Though I doubt that they'll send him anytime soon with Dad stationed there," 

Rhett's arms are crossed over his chest, his eyebrows no less furrowed than before. Jake's expression is still scrunched up a bit, but the lines are slowly relaxing with the more information he gets, so I continue.

"My name is Y/N Simpson, but everyone calls me Birdie," I hold my hand out first to Rhett, as I'm still tucked close to Jake, his arm slung over my shoulders. 

"Birdie, is'a pleasure," Rhett removes his hat with one hand, shaking my outstretched one with the other. He gives it a quick squeeze before letting go, a kind smile on his face. 

"Birdie?" Jake asks, tip of his tongue snug in the corner of his lips. 

"Yeah, Birdie. You know, Cyclone, Arrow, Birdie, all things that have to do with wind and flying? My dad and brother both got call signs, but I had zero interest in doing anything with the military, but Uncle Solo dubbed me Birdie when I was tiny and it's stuck ever since." 

"Solo? Is'e Navy too?" Rhett chimes in. He scratches at the back of his head, his hat tipping forward into his eyes a bit. 

"Sure is. Admiral Solomon Bates, goes by Warlock," Jake stiffens a bit at the name, but relaxes a bit soon after. I bump his hip with my own, shooting a wink up his way. 

"Well then, Birdie, it's nice to officially meet you," It's a bad recovery, but he clears his throat and keeps speaking, "I've gotta say, your dad didn't mention he had a daughter," 

"Oh yeah, that's not at all a surprise. You know how Sailors can be, and my Dad is a bit over protective of me. He's big on me keeping men at a distance. And if said man is Military? Ha! Not an ice cubes chance in hell that they'd make it within a hundred feet of me," 

Rhett smirks a bit, eyes flicking from my own glare down towards the floor. I know Jake's arm is still wrapped around my shoulder, just as I know that he is still sparing quick glances over to the greasy man a few yards away. I kick the toe of Rhett's boot with my own, wrinkling my nose at the way he snickers. 

"So no soulmate yet?" Jake asks, tilting his chin down to look me in the eye. The question is so full of genuine curiosity and for once I don't feel terrible answering.

"Nope, not yet. Not even a damn lead, but that's okay. I'm a firm believer that it's going to happen when it's supposed to. I'm not in a rush," That last part may be a bit of a lie. I want nothing more than to finally meet the person that's supposed to be mine, mind, body, and soul. Their supposed to be this sort of connection, one that most people who have met their soulmate have only been able to hint at. It's one of those things where words just don't do it justice, even the great poets seem to have failed to find the words. 

"Tha's too bad, 'cause I'd've jumped at the chance to take ya ta dinner," Rhett shoots me a wink, his blue eyes twinkling under the stark white lights. 

"I bet you say that to all the girls," I jest, sticking my tongue out at him. There's another nudge between boots. 

"Oh, he does, but he sure does have a knack for finding the prettiest ones," Jake interjects, bumping my hip with his own. I push him back with my shoulder, causing him to finally drop his arm he's had draped around me for the better part of the last twenty minutes. 

"Whatever you say," I roll my eyes, "What about you boys, either of you found your better half?" 

The way Jake's face lights up at the question gives me the answer before his words can. Rhett is just shaking his head, mumbling a "here we go" under his breath. 

"I sure have! Rooster, he's an Aviator too," Jake begins eagerly, "We met like eight years ago? Maybe nine? I'm not sure, but it was in the middle of the ocean on a carrier, and we butted heads better than the best of 'em. I had graduated Top Gun not too long before, and he hadn't been yet, though he went shortly after that deployment. I don't think we would've figured it out if we hadn't decided to-"

"Don't even say it, Seresin," Rhett threatens with a point of his finger, aim fixed right between the taller man's eyes. 

"I wasn't gonna go into detail," Jake laughs, though there's a glint of trouble in his eyes, "All I'm saying is that if we hadn't hauled each other into that bathroom stall at the bar and-"

"Flight number 4582, Dallas to San Diego is now boarding Group 1, priority members and military members traveling on active orders,"  A woman voice crackles through the intercom.

"Saved by the fuckin' bell," Rhett comments loud enough for Jake and I to hear. The boys begin to grab their bags, each only traveling with a small duffle bag. Rhett heads for the gate first, his bag slung over his shoulder, hat in hand. Jake follows after him, his bag clutched tightly in his hand. 

"Thanks again you two" I call after them with a little wave. Jake stops in his tracks, turning back around to face me.

"Aren't you coming, Birdie?" There's that cock of his head again. 

"Us lowly civilians have to wait until the next group to board," I joke back.

"Not anymore, you're boarding with me, come on!" Then Jake is all but hauling me through the ticket line and onto the plane. Jake throws my carryon into the bin above the row of seats Rhett has claimed and Jake waved me into the same row with a tilt of his head. Without assigned seating, the pair having decided that I'm going to be sitting in the middle seat between them. Maybe I should be more nervous, sitting between two strange men, but sitting here now the only thing I feel is safe. 

The whole flight my head switches between resting on either one of their shoulders, sleep evading me completely. I went from tracing the lines of Rhett's hat as it sat atop his knee to counting just how many times Jake bounced his knee. 

Part of the way through, he admitted that he's a terrible passenger, had been since he graduated from flight school. Maybe it's a control issue, or maybe it's the surrounding people moving all around the large aircraft. Either way Jake bounces his knee the whole flight. Sometimes he'd wipe his palms down his jean clad thighs to ease the tension and give a slight reprieve to the constant movement. 

Rhett snored gently next to me, though he murmured in his sleep just a little. No words ever slipped past his lips, just half cut off sounds and the ghosts of sentiments. He kept his hands folded across his belly, head lulled towards the small window. I hate to admit it, but I admired the long line of his neck as his head was laid against the wall. 

Neither man listened to any sort of music during the flight, which struck me as odd. My headphones sat snug over my ears through most of the flight, a folk country playlist thrumming through them. 

The flight was fast, in the grand scheme and everyone aboard seemed to be thrilled to get off the plane. This terminal is busier than the last. The early morning traffic of the airport filled with people in suits, both sweat and formal. The boys and I walk side by side by side, making our way through the crowd like a force. Maybe it's the sheer size of the men at my sides, but the crowd seems to part for us. 

The trilling of a cellphone breaks up the sounds of the terminal, following us as we walk. 

"Jake," Rhett flicks his gaze towards his friend, a silly look on his face. 

"What?" 

"That's your phone, dude," I nudge him with my shoulder, our bags bumping together. By the time Jake fishes the device from his front pocket, the factory set ringtone has gone silent. 

"Eyes up, Cowboy," I warn as we approach the tram. Rhett's eyes flick up just long fast enough that he doesn't trip over the gap.  The doors closing behind us quickly, and Rhett bumps into one of the stationary poles in attempt to get out of it's way. 

"It truly amazes me that he's a bull rider, since his sense of personal space sucks so bad," Jake mutters, leaning a bit closer to my ear. I can't help but snicker too. 

"Bull rider?" The question is met with a nod from Jake as he presses the phone up to his ear. 

Jake stands near, phone pressed to his ear with knit brows. The look of concentration on his face is tight, like he's trying to make out a hard to hear piece of information on the other side of the line. He pulls the phone away from his ear as we step off the tram, heading for baggage claim. 

They bracket me between them once again, a tall man on each side of me. We share smiles as we walk in time with one another. A little trio formed because one sleazey dude at the Dallas airport couldn't take a hint. Life is funny that way. 

They say the universe only hand picks soulmates, decorating skin just to prove that point. I, however, think friends are found in the flick of the same pen. After all, there's magic left over in the spaces between the letters, in the flick of the wrist of the universe. There has to be. 

"Long message," Rhett comments, "Who was it anyway?"

"Oh, it's just Bob," Jake informs us. Rhett hums in response, but my feet stop moving. They retreat into the tunnel of my vision, blending in with the other travelers moving around us. Their once recognizable frames, broad and welcoming, melt into the sea of movement. Nothing in my vision sticks out, my brain too busy playing those damn words on loop. 

Oh, it's just Bob. Oh, it's just Bob. Oh, it's just Bob. 

There's a fleeting feeling in my fingertips from where my bag as slipped from them. There's the far off sound of it hitting the tile. My vision buzzes with people but god, those words are in the forefront of it all. 

Oh, it's just Bob. 

This moment may be stillness surrounded by the bustle of the San Diego airport. It may be bodies bumping into my own, shoulders connecting as someone passes. It may be one day be a memory of the way my whole body seems to have gone slick with sweat, far too warm and mildly uncomfortable. It may be a realization, both now and in the future. This moment may be the beginning of the rest of my life. 

I'm not ready. Not for the future. Not for Bob. Not for facing his friends who must have noticed that I'm no longer by their side by now. I'm not ready for any of it. Not even remotely. I guess it sure wasn't a lie when I told them that I wasn't "in a rush". 

The chill of the air hits me as I all but break through the sliding doors, out to the taxi line up. There's shouting, it's far off, covered by those four little words and the beating of my heart. I slide into the back of a taxi, my bag discarded onto the seat next to me. With the slam of the door, the taxi is pulling away from the curb. I press my forehead to the glass of the window, my breath fogging up the sight of Rhett and Jake breaking through the crowd. They stand there, confusion written into their features as they watch the cab pull away. 

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I squeeze them together. A deep sigh escapes me, the realization hitting me. They know my dad, at least Jake does. And we are all going to Miramar. It's only a matter of time before our paths cross again.

Maybe it wasn't even my Bob, I try and rationalize with myself. After all, how many people in the world are named "Bob" anyway? It's shallow in theory, a sort of knowing feeling sitting heavy in my gut. That was my Bob on the other end of that message; the feeling deep in my chest aches in a way that it just has to be true. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It's only a matter of time before our paths cross again. On base, in the commissary as we grocery shop. Eye contact over fresh produce, hands busy but eyes filled with questions. Or in my father's office, Jake dropping by on business as my dad and I sit on either side of his large desk. Words caught in our throats, my father's gaze wandering between us. Maybe it will be at the bar, our eyes locking from across the room. Questions shouted over the music; over the smell of alcohol. 

And maybe Bob would be there too, looking positively like a dream I haven't fully allowed myself to have. He'd be there like the sunshine, glowing and warm and something I just wouldn't be able to outrun. He'd be all smiles and kind hands, wrapping me into his embrace in the same way his friends had. 

It's only a matter of time, but I'll run now. 

[likeadevils]

is there a specific order you like to listen to the red vault tracks in? i’ve been thinking about this a lot ever since 1989 tv came out because the 1989 vault tracks tell such a cohesive story so i’ve been trying to figure out how to do that with the red vault

YES ITS LIKE. THE ALBUM TO REARRANGE FOR ME I GENUINELY HAVENT LISTENED TO THE ORIGINAL TRACKLIST IN YEARS NOW

i think i’ve run through it before but here’s my thoughts on the mains tracklist

state of grace: perfect opener no notes

22: this is and holy ground can switch for me, i think either makes a fantastic track two, but it’s hard to pass up 22 track 2. also i like how the second song and the second to last song parallel each other

treacherous: building off of 22’s “you look like bad news, i gotta have you”

i knew you were trouble: it’s the obvious mirror of treacherous, and also i think it’s important to establish the emotion->exact opposite emotion flip of the tracklist, and treacherous and ikywt are a really obvious example of that

all too well: i mean what else can you choose. also it’s a good flip of ikywt because it’s all the moments where it DIDN'T feel like trouble

wanegbt: “i remember it all too well 😔” -> “I REMEMBER WHEN WE BROKE UP 😡🙄” is just an insane whiplash. ALSO track sixes are such a hard landing to stick and can easily be overshadowed by the track five, and having a song that’s already been released kinda lets the song simultaneously have its moment beforehand and let you kinda check out on your first listen through while you recover from atw

come back be here: i think cbbh really just deserves a main album slot, mostly cause it deserved to be played on tour, but i also think it’s a great whiplash from wanegbt and a great lead in to…

the last time: it takes the more crush-focused aspects of cbbh and plays them out to the bitter end, just that cycle of always leaving and coming back and leaving again. also it’s the end of the first half of the album

red: it’s a great pick me up in the middle of three mellow songs, also i can’t separate this from run which i can’t separate from sad beautiful tragic and i can’t put sad beautiful tragic right before all too well so it needs to be further down the tracklist

run: “loving him was like driving a new maserati down a dead end street” -> “give me the keys, i’ll bring the car back around” makes me go CRAZY

sad beautiful tragic: THE AMOUNT OF PARALLELS WITH RUN IS INSAAAAAAAANE

holy ground: again this is a bit of a floater like i could see an argument for this being track two. and the argument is it goes hard at the start of the red tour

better man: this just needs to be by the end of the album for me. it feels like the start of the summary, wrapping up what we’ve learned and starting the hard work of moving on that the last few tracks will continue

i bet you think about me: that first verse really stretching out the betterrrrr’s after better man is funny. also, after an album of one sided pining in one way or another, it’s just like hey. fuck you. also, at first it kinda bugged me how the last few tracks starts at 4am, then 3am, then the middle of the night, but then i started seeing them as just slowly losing less and less sleep over it, which i kinda love now

nothing new: here is the damage i am left with. even if i move on from this relationship, here is the mindset that will whisper in the back of my mind forever— that i am valuable because of my youth, that my happiness is mockable and my sadness is quaint. this is the thing that led me to the relationship and this is the thing that i will be left with after it

begin again: and then… begin again. choosing happiness, choosing maturity, choosing childlike joy. like, you all know it’s an amazing closer, but after nothing new it just sings

+ forever winter: i think this does add important context to her general mental state? like 22 mentions how everyone is miserable, but really focuses on the highs of being 22. forever winter adds to it, how your peer group is falling apart and even when you are at your worst, you are being someone else's shoulder to lean on. it's not Needed to tell the story, but it is a good bonus.

+ starlight: more good context, especially in taylor's personal life-- as far as i can tell, this is the first song she wrote for red that Wasn't about crash and burn heartbreak, and it really kicked into high gear an obsession with vintage fashion and mid century celebrities that she ended up building part of her personality around. she's not just trying to find her old self again, she's building a new one

+babe: what am i supposed to do, not end the album with this is the last time i'll ever call you babe?

+ state of grace (acoustic), the red demo, and all too well (ten minute version) to get the tracklist to 22 and also fun bts context!