#is the house happy to be lived in once again? with its purpose fulfilled? or is it sad in that the only beatin its heart has | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shrieks · 2 years

Text

hey look, it’s thomas vaidya! they’re thirty-six years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for twenty-two years, and they’re currently working at a new chapter. i heard they’re pretty suspect, but i think they’re so soothing at the same time. can they make it out alive?

basics

name: thomas vikram vaidya nicknames: tom, tommy. age: 36 birthday: march 5 zodiac: pisces zodiac traits: somehow both 5 and 50 years old at once, thinks everything is a sign, can’t remember if they dreamt it or it actually happened, excessively romantic, prone to fantasy, no boundaries gender: male pronouns: he/him and they/them sexuality: bisexual height: 6’3 scars: none notable piercings / tattoos: none

family

both of thomas’ parents work in the medical field, his mother a nurse and his father a doctor. they’re both extremely dedicated to their profession.

his parents were around enough, he would suppose, but not as much as he would have liked.

being raised to respect hard work, thomas met his parents’ sparse presence with hard work of his own; he cared for his little brother, and together they cared for their home.

he often believes that he missed out on a lot of staple moments most others have in their childhoods, but he was also raised to value family above all else, so he was content as long as he was working for them.

nowadays, he’s not so close with his parents or his brother, though he feels guilty for how much he enjoys putting space between them to live for himself instead of for them.

despite the space put between them, he still visits his parents for dinner each weekend and his brother is still his best friend.

upbringing

thomas was always a quiet, reserved kid. he was closer with his brother, and his family as a whole, than he ever was with a friend not related to him.

he spent a lot of his time at home; living in one of the smaller towns not far from shrike heights, he had a large backyard and enough exposure to nature, though he often spent even his outdoor time with his nose in a book.

he was never popular, but he didn’t want to be. he was committed to his responsibilities at home, with his family, and happy to spend what free time he had alone.

he got through his childhood in a manner he would consider easily. there was loneliness, there were hardships, things left unfulfilled, but thomas never complained - and he knows it could have been worse in so many ways.

when he was fourteen, the practice that his parents worked at together closed. there simply wasn’t enough business to keep it afloat as more people moved away.

his family settled in shrike heights shortly after the practice closed. they didn’t care to venture farther away, shrike county hospital had plenty of job vacancies and the town had affordable housing.

the move brought a little change, but then thomas settled into the same routine. he was reserved, dedicated to his family, to his studies, to his duties, and not much more than that.

living in the small town for so many years, thomas was able to see growth, not much, but enough. he was able to make friends, find a career path, become part of the town - even if only a part of its quietest corners.

again, life wasn’t perfect but it was fine for years. he remained dedicated to his family even after graduating from high school, studying at shrike university so that he could stay near, though he remained living at home for years after too.

in his mid twenties thomas moved out, and in his mid thirties he’s come to realise that he functions for only one purpose that he’s not sure he cares to continue orbiting around.

he began to separate himself from his family a little more, living more independently, striving to really make it on his own and find fulfilment truly for himself, not only for his family. it’s something he’s still working on, but he hasn’t given up yet.

education

thomas always excelled in school. he picks things up extremely fast, particularly anything to do with english or literature.

he was offered the opportunity to skip grades multiple times, though he always turned it down as he was more content with the idea of him always doing well than he was discontent with the work not being challenging enough.

most of his schooling career was spent in the library; he was always the librarians’ favorite, though he had too much respect for himself to be a teacher's pet.

he took school seriously enough to get really good grades - aiming to ensure his parents wouldn’t be disappointed in him - and thankfully he found it easy to do so.

he wasn’t a part of any clubs or teams, he didn’t care for any of the ones available, not even something writing heavy like the paper as they were always used as social clubs more than anything.

he did get extra credit for having a student librarian role, however, which was something he enjoyed immensely.

despite having all of the ingredients to be friendless, thomas actually did have friends through school. there were few, and not exactly an adequate amount, but thomas was grateful for them regardless.

unfortunately when he moved on and began studying at shrike university, he grew to have even less friends. he studied literature, and he thrived in the subject, but he lost himself in his studies.

his studies worsened his life in a lot of ways, but it also set him up to better his life. it was because of all he learnt - both in classes and research as well as in other experiences - that he realized he had parts of his life that he wanted to change.

thomas never went on to do anything with his degree, he never used it to open any doors he couldn’t walk through without university education, but he’ll always cherish his time there.

work

thomas’ parents worked hard to ensure their family had everything they needed; he didn’t need to get a job himself, and he didn’t.

a lot of what young people acquire through work experience, thomas was able to acquire in his upbringing, too.

though he had no formal job, to help run the household and care for his brother took traits one would typically learn at their first job.

he would consider his first actual job to be working as a student librarian at shrike high. he was good at the job, and did consider going on to work as a librarian at the school after graduating - but he didn’t.

during his time at university, he worked at shrike times. it was easy work, writing meaningless columns, having nothing near a big role there, but then it became something he dread. his heart wasn’t in it, he stopped doing so well, he ended up leaving before he was fired.

after his time at shrike times, thomas had brief stints as a court transcriptionist, an administrative receptionist at the university, he worked at the train station, at the post office, and then finally he found himself working at a new chapter.

he realized that he’s only a good employee when his heart is in it, even if the work is easy. he burnt out quickly at most workplaces and always left on his own accord before he could be fired - he didn’t want to face rejection.

working at a new chapter has always been easy, but also interesting to him. it wasn’t so different to working in the library, only this time more people come in genuinely interested in books, not only collecting a read that’s compulsory.

though a new chapter is where he makes his money, thomas has finally begun to pursue writing for himself. he’s constantly working on many projects, many novels, screen plays and concepts.

he loves his job at a new chapter as much as he thinks he could enjoy any job, but he hopes to one day find himself earning his income through writing.

relationships

thomas doesn’t like to speak of his romantic or sexual history as quite frankly he’s embarrassed about what little he’d have to say.

he dated a little in high school, getting a date to some dances, going to the cinema once or twice, but it wasn’t until his mid twenties that he experienced something serious.

his first relationship was intense, but short lived, and every one of the very few that followed ended just as quickly - though none of them were as intense as that first once, he’ll say.

just like with his employment history, he burns out fast if his entire heart isn’t in it and he quits relationships before he can be left, fearing rejection.

he has a complicated view on love. it’s in every piece of literature in some way, be it love or the lack of it the prevalent theme, and this leaves him craving love in every aspect of his life, but feeling ill equipped due to his little experience.

thomas views most things in life in relation to love. he doesn’t realize it, but he’s always thinking about how little or how much love is happening around him, how much love he’s receiving, or how much love he might be giving.

he would love to settle down with someone, and he would be a good and dedicated partner to the right person. he’s loyal and affectionate and best one-on-one.

he doesn’t seek love out, and is definitely waiting for it to come to him. he’s not a dominant person who is good at initiating such things, so understandably he’s found himself waiting so long for who might be the right person to come along.

interests

to simply say ‘books’ has always been the easiest way to summarise thomas’ interests.

he loves reading more than most things. books, comics, papers, magazines, whatever he can get his hands on.

writing his second greatest interest. he wishes to become a writer, and often fantasizes about what it would be like to have his works alongside some of the greats.

thomas is interested in anything a book can teach him to do. he enjoys gardening - instructed by a gardening book -, cooking - instructed by a cookbook -, building or crafting - you guessed it, instructed by a book - and so on. any knowledge he can obtain from books, he enjoys.

conversing. thomas is reserved, but he is deeply interested in good conversation. that’s why he enjoys working at a new chapter so much, as it opens the doors for so many good conversations.

truthfully, he’s still looking to discover all of his interests. he feels like he’s been stuck in the same very small bubble for too long, and is always looking to find something new.

frequent locations

a new chapter. he enjoys working most days, as he’s most productive with writing in the afternoons, evenings and nights.

his home downtown. he’s a homebody, and as much as he tries to branch out more often nowadays, he’s still frequently found at home.

his parents house. as much as he’s trying to separate himself from his family, wanting to find more individuality, he’s still there at least once a week for dinner.

the parks around town. when thomas is struggling for muse to write, he likes to pull himself out of the familiarity of his home and into the sun.

the mall. in general, he has reason to frequent plenty of stores, from the grocery store to king of diamonds.

the markets. his cookbooks tell him that nothing beats fresh produce - and he listens.

downtown and old shrike businesses. he likes to support the small business in town, hoping to do his part in keeping them open and not succumbing to the mall.

the mountains. he’s not so much into seasonal sports like skiing, but nothing beats a meal from the lodge.

personality

thomas is quiet and reserved above all else.

he used to have quite low social skills because of his solitary tendencies, but nowadays he’s actually more than capable, he just doesn’t put those skills to use too often.

he’s fiercely loyal. even in situations such as an altercation happening between himself and strangers, whoever he believes is in the right has his entire loyalty.

he’s extremely protective and very comforting. he loves being able to assist others, and he loves being able to bring them peace.

he’s intelligent. he loves having conversations that mean something, and he loves putting his mind to use - though he mostly only does that in the privacy of himself and a book or a blank page.

he can be quite charming. though he struggles with his confidence he’s not uncomfortably self-conscious and he’s far from cocky, too.

he has a surprisingly humorous side. he might be quiet, but he’s no square - at least not in his opinion.

he tries his hardest to make every social interaction he has his best, so he does whatever he thinks his company needs or wants from him.

he’s one of the biggest people pleasers. he will always put others ahead of himself, it will never happen differently. even strangers, he puts ahead of himself.

he can be seen as somewhat suspect as his reserved tendencies sometimes translate into mysterious, though he’s a relatively open book and he’d never hurt a fly.

#thomas → intro #shrikeintro

7 notes · View notes

not-alien-girl-v · 7 days

Text

Chapter 14: Kick God’s Ass, Then We’ll Talk

Warning: tw noodle

Note: mr noodle. Not to be confused with mr. noodle, his brother in the entertainment industry

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

The common room of the Church of Noodle is a sacred place to be. It’s a lot like a normal living room, full of life and happy smiling people. It is the second heart of the establishment, second to the main room of prayer, the temple, if you will. But the common room has charm in its own way. There are various couches, loveseats, armchairs, in the center of the room or tucked away against the wall or a back corner, giving those who inhabit the place the option of privacy or socialization. A fireplace is lit against one wall, and a cozy rug lays in front of it.

Chloe sits in front of the fire, playing with the fur of the rug she sits on, letting the warmth of the bright fire comfort her. In a moment, Arnold Creamer comes and joins her there.

“All is well in your world?” He asks, looking her way. Arnold Creamer quit his job at Target after the creation of the Church. He has no need or time for silly, material possessions. Things like money, good food, nice clothes, and any non-religious happiness are completely mute to him now. There is nothing more fulfilling than to be a part of this Church. If he was ever unsure of his purpose in life or in some greater story being told about it, he’d now be sure it would be to be nameless and faceless amongst his fellow churchgoers.

“As good as it can be, I guess.”

“What do you mean? Are you not fulfilled?” Arnold Creamer’s words are simple but there’s an odd sense of urgency behind them, like if Chloe uttered the wrong phrase, Arnold Creamer would be too quick to phone in Noodle to either snitch or ‘ask him to take care of her.’ Chloe’s still not sure what would happen either way.

“No, no. I’m glad to be here. It’s just the pregnancy. Third trimester, you know, I’m feeling a little…”

Arnold Creamer chuckles in understanding, “tired?” He speaks through a sincere grin.

“Yeah, maybe. I always used to say, if I had a life to leave, I would. Never used to have anything, you know? Mom, Dad, all out of the picture. I had nothing but the generosity of my friends and whatever warm bed of a strange man I could crawl into at night.”

“That’s good, though, isn’t it? Are you not grateful for Noodle as your savior?”

Chloe sighs, suddenly feeling as though it's a circular conversation she’s engaging herself in. She explains something, Arnold Creamer gets on her case about not being content and fulfilled, and Chloe scrambles to rephrase herself. It’s like he’s itching to snitch. Damn you, Arnold Creamer!

“No, no I am. I am. I just never thought I’d ever have more. Never saw anything more for myself in life. It’s just surprising, is all. And a bit weird.”

Arnold Creamer laughs again, “don’t I know it. Remember when we would all meet up last December and just hang out. Get the gang all together at their house? At Violet’s…” He trails off in mention of his friend. He’s not sure how to feel about her, nobody is, because Noodle hasn’t told them how to feel. He hasn’t expressed his opinion on the girl and her everliving resistance to join the Church. So, the people who were once her dearest friends are now unsure of their status.

The heavy silence hangs between the two like ripe fruit on a tree, juicy and red as an apple, forbidden to pick, forbidden to eat.

From the wall of the room, Noodle appears in the doorway. “Good evening, my children.”

“Good evening, divine leader,” they speak in unison, as if pledging allegiance to him. Noodle grins, feeling blood rush through him, his heart pumping faster at the affirmation. He glances around, making sense of the scene.

“How are you two?”

“Never better, Mr. Noodle,” Arnold Creamer speaks.

“Please, Mr. Noodle is my brother in the entertainment industry. Call me Noodle.”

Arnold Creamer nods again, not speaking another word about it. “And you, dear Chloe. You, the virgin bearing my messiah, how are you on this fine evening?”

“I’m not a virgin, you know that right?”

Noodle takes a seat on the couch, feeling the need to be higher than them when addressing them even as he makes himself comfortable in the room. “Of course, do excuse me. I don’t mean ‘virgin’ in the modern sense. You have clearly reinvented yourself; no remnants of your past lifestyle remain; you have been reborn, my child.”

“Yeah, for sure,” Chloe responds. Noodle looks at the two of them for a moment, sensing an imbalance. Chloe decides to act upon this feeling of unrest within her. “Noodle?”

“Yes, dear?”

“What happened to Violet? I mean, what will happen to her? You never told us what she uncovered behind the Curtain of Mystery, and I totally respect your decision, but she’s our friend. Will she be welcomed back to the Church?”

Noodle sighs, “I’m afraid dear Violet is beyond our reach. Beyond our help. There is no path I can guide her through as she is.”

Chloe nods slowly, “yeah…”

“What about the day of annihilation?” Arnold Creamer adds in, both figures turning to look at him. The day of annihilation was an event they all knew would someday come. Noodle was vague, as he always was, but it was assumed that the day would arrive sooner rather than later. They were counting on it. They were practicing for it. They were prepared.

“When the day of annihilation comes, we will be prepared. It is as I have always told you. Those who travel down the path of righteousness, being us and our group, will ascend, and those who oppose us will meet judgement,” Noodle speaks gravely.

“That’s it? There isn’t anything more we can do for her? She’s our friend! I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for her!” Chloe exclaims. She doesn’t mean to act out the way that she does, she has just been rather emotional due to the changes and the pregnancy.

Noodle ponders her words for a moment, trying to find a solution that will include the thoughts of everyone. “Invite her to our weekly sermon. Let her taste our spiritual nectar and if she drinks, she drinks. We cannot force ourselves down her throat but we can pass her the chalice.”

Chloe and Arnold Creamer nod slowly, “yeah…”

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

When Violet received the mysterious letter in the mail, she had no idea how to feel. The envelope was a cream, almost eggshell shade and it was thick, rough, maybe even hand-made. It held an unfamiliar weight in her hand, like there was something deeper to be discovered inside. There was no mailing stamp, no return address, and it was sparkling clean. The only clue on the exterior was a stygian wax stamp sealing the paper together. Ornamented with a symbol, or perhaps, logo of bones and a skull, it made her sick to her stomach to wonder what it could be hiding.

She was so afflicted that she left the letter on the counter for days. She would pass it by with bowls of cereal, glasses of water, midnight stove burner smores, and it wasn’t until Thursday night that she ripped it open over a glass of red wine.

Reading the words etched neatly onto the parchment, she gasped to herself. Friday night, she was invited to attend the Church of Noodle’s sermon.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

The first omen of the night was a fence lizard drowned in a shallow puddle outside the church. The thick droplets raced down the car window as Violet examined the corpse from afar. The only light being the high beams of her truck and the waxing crescent above in the night sky. Violet checks the glowing, digital clock on her cracked phone screen. 11:51.

It can be easy, whilst living in Los Angeles, to forget you truly are in the middle of the desert. 1,000,000 years ago, there was nothing here but the flora, the fauna, the chilled night air and the summer rain. 1,000,000 years from now, everything will return. Whether we try to our not, we will always leave as we found it.

Yet Violet can’t quite imagine this plot of desert land without the massive Church of Noodle built upon it. It’s too grand, too colossal to ever be truly destroyed. But maybe that could change. Maybe she could change it.

A knock at the window snaps her out of her daze. It’s Chloe. She’s in the pouring rain, hair dripping, and eyes burning from the rainwater. Without thinking, Violet unlocks the car, letting Chloe get in and be safe from the downpour. “Hey,” Chloe addresses.

Violet sighs, “hey.”

“You should know, I asked for you to be here. Maybe everyone else is fine with you being damned in hell for all eternity, but I- I don’t know. I just couldn’t sit and watch it happen.”

“Thanks. I guess. But then, you should know, I don’t intend to join. I’m not here to change my life.”

Chloe’s face falls by just a centimeter, but she collects herself too soon to tell, “I think I knew that, anyway. But I am glad you’re here. Really. It means a lot to me. I just don’t think I could live with myself if I knew I never gave you a chance. That’s not what all of this means to me.”

“So what does it mean? To you, to anyone?”

“It’s hard to explain. I hope our sermon today puts things into perspective for you.”

“Honestly, I hope so too.”

Chloe and Violet make a run for it to the church entrance. The heavy wooden doors creak open and behind them, everyone is sitting in the pews, neat and dry. Noodle stands before them all, at the brass pulpit. In one hand, he holds a large chalice, ornate and embellished with swirls of gold and jewels lining the stem. In the other, a clean, bleached femur.

His booming voice echoes through the room, “welcome.”

Violet offers a meek wave and settles down in the closest pew, next to Rai. Chloe joins Noodle up at the front, as she is of a higher status in the Church.

“Welcome, my children! Thank you all so much for attending tonight’s sermon. We do have a guest today, so please be mindful of them as we continue through our ritual tonight.”

Ritual?

“I do not want to waste a moment. Let us begin by consuming the nectar of Noodle. Please form a line before my great pulpit.”

In some type of formation, they all instantly rise and calmly walk to the pulpit, falling into line like robots or militia.

Arnold Creamer is the first in line, as always. He is eager to prove himself as the most devoted follower of Noodle. He gets down onto his knees, hands resting upon the tops of his thighs facing upwards. Devotion, submission, faith. Noodle holds the chalice in his right hand. With his left, he gently places it at the base of Arnold Creamer’s chin. It’s soft at first, a gentle caress of his face, then grows rougher, Noodle’s grip proving more intense as he holds Arnold Creamer’s face steady. Violet feels she should look away.

Noodle pours the nectar into his mouth, a sizable amount, likely more than necessary. But Arnold Creamer takes it, he takes it all. He doesn’t let it spill from the corners of his lips but he holds the liquid in his mouth for a few moments, savoring the tangy taste. He still struggles for a moment, the nectar settling in a wrong place in Arnold Creamer’s mouth and he whines under his breath, grabbing at the ends of Noodle’s ceremonial robes and tugging just slightly, but Noodle tsks at him. “Take it. Swallow.”

A single tear beads down Arnold Creamer’s cheek and Noodle tightens his grip, wiping away the drop with his thumb. “Good.”

This continues on all the way down the line, everyone drinking, until it’s Violet’s turn. She knows better than to try to pull something. She doubts it will contain poison, since everyone in the cult has made it this far, so she will probably be fine. Probably.

Noodle doesn’t grab her face and she’s okay with that. There isn’t much nectar left, just a few drops left for her but she swallows them anyway. She returns back to her place in the pews as Noodle begins a chant.

“Sanguis natorum meorum, ossa sectatorum meorum. Bibe sucum meum et audi verba mea. Cadere, cadere, dormire.”

Violet’s eyes scan the room, observing eyelids becoming heavy and swaying bodies. One by one, they all drop into a deep slumber and fall to the floor or the seat of the pews.

To her horror, her own mind begins to slip, and images of a dark forest begin to flash behind her eyes. The trees cover the sky completely and it is dim and damp. She tries to fight it, tries to keep her eyes open, keep focusing on Noodle at his brass pulpit but it’s no use. The forest is stronger, the images are stronger and before she knows it, she’s entered the forest entirely, leaving her mortal body behind.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

She doesn’t realize she’s wandering through the forest until she feels a hand on her shoulder. Slowly, she turns around, feeling as though she’s underwater, like the laws of physics don’t quite apply to whatever realm she’s found herself in. Before her stands Grayson. He’s found her, heard her lost calls and has come to her rescue.

“Gray?” Her voice is reverberated and dreamy, it ripples through the air like water.

He speaks slower than he ever has, “follow me.”

He begins to float away, hovering above the ground and escaping her line of sight.

She screams out, “wait!” She reaches out for him as he is up, up, higher and higher, through the leaves in the trees. She runs after him, each step onto the lush foliage below her becoming further and further apart as she leaps through the air. Eventually, she pushes off the ground hard enough and begins to float up after him, above the forest.

She follows him out, and as she emerges from above the trees, she finds herself surrounded by the other followers and an unfamiliar night sky. There are several massive celestial bodies in the sky, bigger than the sun she always knew, bigger than anything she’d ever see or truly comprehend. They are in different colors and unique in appearance, and she can’t help but notice there is no moon above, but simply a billion more twinkling stars than she’s ever seen.

A deep, booming voice is heard, ringing in Violet’s ears and causing an ear-splitting headache. It’s unfamiliar, unlike anything she’s ever heard before. It’s not the husky, gruff croak of Noodle; it’s something else entirely. The winds howl and the trees shake under the pressure this voice causes throughout the air.

“You are all here.”

The sky turns brighter, as if it’s not night at all. The ringing gets louder, Violet’s ears begin to pool with blood, crimson and warm as it drips down her neck. The sky becomes even brighter, so bright that she loses sight of everything. “Here,” the voice repeats.

Down from the heavens, a figure descends. He is beautiful and intangible, yet somehow unseen. He is bigger than life and he is nothing at all. God.

“You are safe now. You are safe here.”

Suddenly, bolts of lightning and thunder appear in the sky. Even God Himself is taken by surprise as someone else appears. Noodle.

He is bigger than the whole sky, he casts the scene in a shade of darkness once more, dimming God’s luminescence.

With his massive hand, outstretched and stiff, he casts a slap upon God’s right cheek. God calls out, “knock it off!”

Noodle’s voice is even louder, even more powerful, “nuh uh.”

Noodle begins to beat the fuck out of God, smacking him and punching him as He wails in agony, and becomes weaker and weaker. With one last powerful hit, God falls beneath the trees, the ground opening up before him. Noodle chortles in triumph. “Heh.”

A rumbling begins from inside the bodies of the crowd of followers standing before Noodle. To their horror, and agony, a bone from each of their rib cages is ripped from their bodies, blood gushing from the fresh wounds. The bones all pile together in front of Noodle, making a marimba. A bone marimba. For some reason, Violet has been spared of this torture.

Noodle grasps two twigs from the trees below and begins to play the bone marimba. The song is compelling and dramatic. Each bone fits perfectly into place to give the perfect pitch in his perfectly calculated tune.

The song arrives at a climax, each note climbing higher and higher, until the last note is to be struck, but Noodle finds there is no bone in that spot. With his cold eyes, he raises his head to stare directly into Violet’s soul. She knows that she is next. Noodle lunges for her as she opens her eyes.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Violet grasps her chest as she wakes up panting in a cold sweat. She has no time to catch her breath, she looks around to see everyone still in a trance, likely drug induced. Noodle must have slipped something into the nectar. Violet only got a few drops, so she gained consciousness before anyone else. Good. That gives her time to escape.

With her keys in hand, she scrambles out of her place and bolts out of the building, into the dark, stormy night. She knows she will be back. She knows it’s not over. It’s never over.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

#violette.txtt #perfect places #alex turner x reader

0 notes

yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy · 10 months

Text

I have the desire to write, the energy, but I have absolutely no inspiration. Or rather, I have inspiration but no emotional verve to grant it life. When I write it’s because I’m in a mood—horny, cozy, sleepy, stressed, overly sensitive, depressed, etc., but I’m just.. sort of content, like I’m floating above the world and purposely ignoring all possible stressors. It’s not exactly mania because even in mania I can also write, but it’s *something* and to be honest, I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling content, because it’s such a nothing feeling. I don’t create under contentment, just like how Heaven is hell for the imagination—nothing prods you to do or be anything more because you feel satisfied and fulfilled, so why birth anything else into existence?

Contentment for me is the closest feeling to oblivion and death that I can feel. Sparks of happiness in the dark din of malaise is comforting to me. It makes me feel grounded even as it casts me out in open un-person space where nothing is real or meaningful. St the very least, there is indulgent melancholy to be harvested from that. There is bitter fruit, rather than hollow bright husk.

It’s winter, so perhaps SAD is affecting me. I don’t recall feeling this way last year, however. Could it also be age and me starting a new chapter of my life as an independent adult living on their own, with bills to pay and such? It is typical of me to want what I don’t presently have. When I was unemployed and writing, I wanted the sense of meaning and accomplishment that came with having a job and a house to look after. Now that I do, I want that dirth of meaning that can only inspire my stupid little words in my Drafts app.

Perhaps if I posted some WIPs and got feedback, I’d be more inclined to write? Or perhaps I rely on being emotionally unbalanced in some way to create. Or perhaps my nearly-30 year old brain is once again hardening its synapses into a new shape beyond my knowledge.

0 notes

kenovele · 1 year

Text

Bogs Blog 34

As the days get slightly longer we find ourselves with a few more daylight minutes every week, and how they are cherished. We have now fully settled into our life in the tiny house, we are enjoying living together, be able to have our little corner of paradise that we built for ourselves by ourselves. It is such a fulfilling feeling to be able to come home to our cocoon. Although as we have finished building we have filled up our week nights with climbing, social visits and tennis as well as our nights away from the Tiny in Te Aroha. Although sometimes life feels busy, I am grateful to have started climbing again, having our regular dinners with Cathy and getting in a quick game of tennis before we usually make a big dinner to last us a few nights, which makes dinner after our climbing sessions a lot easier. So yes, life has settled into a routine and there is not much to report in terms of our general weekly activities. All a bit same same to be honest, so this blog I will focus on our weekend away in Wellington!

But first. New in – Benoit has started applying for jobs! He is very close to submitting his physio application and so the job hunt has begun. I can admit that although I will be sad to lose my companion, driver and toasted sandwich maker in Te Aroha, I am proud that he is on his way to settling further into his life in NZ. There is a definite amount of uncertainty when you are still floating around, and now that the Tiny house and the application are done, I think it will be an important step for him in feeling settled in New Zealand will be to have a job. Although I can understand that it will not be a job that he will stay in for long, I think he is looking forward to having the enforced purpose, the organisation and to feel a bit more independent. He has applied for a lot of jobs and has gone to an interview that seemed pretty promising. I am not yet sure how we are going to manage with the car sharing, especially when I travel to Te Aroha two days a week, but I am sure it is something that we will figure out. I think for Benoit, it will help him feel more permanently attached to New Zealand if he has a job, he will feel like he has put his roots down and we can start looking towards and planning for the future. Not that we aren't enjoying the here and now, but knowing where Benoits career path will take him will help us make some big future decisions.

While we are settling down, we are also continuing to explore New Zealand where we can, this weekend we headed down to Wellington for a weekend away. Jamie was supposed to be housesitting at a friends place there and invited us to join him for the weekend, however plans were changed just after Benoit and I bought the plane tickets to head down there. Jamie decided that he still wanted to meet us in Wellington, which is a very long drive so very nice of him. So after our flight, on Friday night we were picked up by the Travelling Wood turner and we started out city trip. We were so blessed with the weather and there is nothing better than a beautiful blue skied day to convince Benoit that being in the city isn’t too bad. Well in all honesty, he probably would have preferred a blue sky day whilst outdoors rockclimbing, but a sunny day to see the city in its best light rather than rainy and grey is much better for arguments sake. I for one, was so happy to spend the weekend together with my favourite humans, it was relaxing and easy and I didn't once have to convince myself that I was having a good time (like I often have to remind myself when we are out freezing our toes off surfing or combatting my fear of falling while climbing) - because it was a good time, risk free, fear free, rather relaxing actually.

Because Jamie drove down to see us, we decided to make it easy for him and book into a campsite. Benoit and I were in the tent while Jamie was in his van, although we are used to camping in the mountains and in cold conditions, it was next level cold in Wellington. Benoit and I we not prepared for it. At 3am, we were both past the point of cold and we weren’t able to warm up as much as we tried. We got up early, despite our lack of sleep just to stop the frost bite from setting in. On Saturday morning we had hot showers to warm up followed by multiple cups of coffee to sooth ourselves and ward of the sleep that was knocking at our doors. We left the camp fortified though and ready for our day. Our first stop was at the botanical gardens of Wellington which were all pretty in bloom, the New Zealand flora and fauna is really something we enjoy exploring and drawing inspiration from. After we had tired out Jamies legs and all his bolts we got back into the van and headed further into the city centre. If it was just Benoit and I, I am sure we would have ended up walking everywhere, we tend to enjoy walking from destination to destination, and although you can travel less distance, we appreciate the walk, the time to talk and to discover things we may have missed, but with Jamies operations in his femur and ankle, we did our best to try not to wear him out. We had a picnic lunch at the waterfront of Wellington, which was stunning. Jamie got out his skateboard and was scaring me with jumps (while eating his lunch) that anyone with the number of injuries that he has really should avoid. Wellington is known as the windy city, and to walk in the sunshine without the wind was blissful. It truly is a neat place, full of arty alternative people, cool hidden nooks and crannies of art and funky shops. We went to visit the Wellington Museum, Te Papa, which has very impressive exhibits. After stooging around for a while, learning about our country, and its origins, we started to get this nagging envy for a refreshing beverage. After hunting around for a while, we found a neat roof top bar that charged exorbitant prices for local craft beers, but as they say, when in Rome, do as the romans do, so we grabbed ourselves a pint and toasted to the city adventure. After much deliberation we found a nice little restaurant for dinner where of course, we had burgers and chips, plus a fortune cookie (I told you wellington was a bit alternative!). We then headed back to the campsite where we found the tv room and settled in for a dinner with the All Blacks. We were playing Australia, and although we didn’t play very well in my opinion, we met a great character who was watching the game with us, he knew all the rules and kept us entertained with his running commentary of the match. We left the room with happy smiles and we snuck into our little tent for the evening with a few extra blankets this time around!

Sunday was another blissful day in the city, where we tested Benoit’s patience by going to try lots of different bougie cafes, we had Wellington made chocolate, salted caramel hot chocolates and fancy bagels. Around midday Jamie hit the road and left us to our own devices while we waited for our outgoing flight which was a late night one. The airport is on the waterfront about 7kms from the city centre. No surprise we decided to walk to the airport, enjoy the sun and views of the harbour. It was a lovely walk, and although we did keep up a constant pace, we didn’t feel as if we were rushing it. We enjoyed the time to discuss our next steps, how we think we are going to get there, what we can realistically imagine for the next three-five years in New Zealand. The best resolution we came to, in my opinion, was that we are not going to wait until we are settled and ready to start our NZ little family, we are already pretty settled and now is as good of a time as any, so we decided on getting ourselves a kitten! Although we love dogs, we feel it isnt fair on the dog when we both will have full time jobs, since cats are so much more independent, that was our decision. We are hoping to make our cat and adventure cat and bring him/her with us wherever we go, I haven't really seen a traveling adventure cat before, but we are going to give it a go. So rather exciting! We made it to the airport before nightfall and settled in to wait for our flight. Unfortunately for us, our flight was delayed so we didn’t get home until well after midnight, but we did watch the NZ girls football team play Switzerland and the time seemed to pass by quickly which was nice. Tired but with hearts full, at 1am Sunday night/Monday morning, we were finally back in our tinyhouse and in bed, ready to do it all again. Lucky for those who don’t have jobs and got to sleep in on Monday morning, not so lucky to those who had to get up and go to work!

Love Kate xxx

1 note · View note

jalnandanz · 3 years

Text

writings on the wall — enhypen.

pairing: enhypen x gn!reader

genre: angst, non idol au

warnings: mention of character death, mention of terminal illness. lowercase intended

word count: 633 (its so short im sorry i honestly thought it was at least 2k)

summary: their first friend. the person that connected the 7 of them together. without them, they would never have met and never have become this close. how they missed that special person.

a/n: i had a last minute idea for enhypen's anniversary (thank god) so this may be a little rushed ... anyways happy 1st anniversary enhypen mwa i love all of you <3 inspired by this song and also the movie "i want to eat your pancreas". also this is so short im sorry :(

this is not proofread.

they still remembered.

all 7 of them still remembered how not so long ago, they were all losers who were, sadly, nothing. no friends, no goal, no purpose in life. they lived each day just hoping for it to end, only to wake up to a new day and hoping for it to end again. the cycle repeats, on and on and on ... until they showed up.

(name) was naturally bubbly, happy and full of life. they didn't seem to be fazed even though they were a new student at school, where everyone already knew each other. up until this day, the 7 of them never knew how (name) managed to adjust so quickly, and how they managed to stay to cheerful. they also didn't know how (name) managed to find the 7 of them, all sitting alone in separate corners at school during lunch. (name) gathered them together and somehow, they miraculously got along like peas in a pod, despite awkward beginnings. the 8 of them had always stayed together since then, and had created so many precious memories.

they remembered how they used to go to this internet cafe together and played so many games together. ni-ki and jay were especially competitive during these games.

they also went to this one karaoke room very often. in fact, this was where they first got to know each other and establish their friendship. they had each wrote messages on the wall of the room. that was also where they discovered that (name) could not sing to save their life. they went back again 2 years later after their national exams, pleased to see that their messages were still there, exactly where they wrote them. they decided to read their messages, the most memorable one being (name)'s.

they remembered how they used to stargaze on the hill near sunghoon's house every month. they had also seen a shooting star once, on jake's birthday. they held barbecues there as well, heeseung grilling the meat to perfection as they watched the stars sparkle above them.

they also remembered how they used to go on picnics and lie on the grass barefoot. they compared foot sizes, and as weird as this sounds, they enjoyed it. they would roll around, their clothes and hair covered with grass. when they went home together on the train, the could feel weird stares coming their way but they did not care. all that mattered was their fun time together.

so when (name) told them about the fact that they had cancer, they could not believe it, they would not believe it. yet what shocked them most was that (name) never seemed to be saddened by this fact, and had tried to live their life to the fullest, which explained why they were always so bubbly. so, they decided to fulfil whatever (name) wanted to do. they played and enjoyed their time together even more.

but now they would never be able to do so, never be able to feel as carefree as before, never be able to experience that kind of exhilaration and genuine happiness. when (name) passed, they went numb.

now 7 years later, they met up again. this time without (name).

"you know, i went back to the karaoke place we first got to know each other, and found out it closed down exactly a week ago. on their death anniversary. how ironic.", jungwon said, a bitter chuckle escaping him.

"i guess we never fulfilled (name)'s wish then. the one they wrote on the wall" sunoo said, a sad smile creeping onto his face

back in the old, run-down building, the old karaoke room was being revamped. the wind sighed as the words "i hope that all 8 of us stay together forever" were mercilessly rubbed off the wall.

76 notes · View notes

plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms · 4 years

Text

A Beautiful Darkness (1)

Summary: Bucky and Steve meet another super soldier with a dark past and an unpredictable vicious nature. Both are drawn inexplicably to the woman who was now temporarily joining their team to help take down an enemy that had once again reared its ugly head.

Fandoms: Avengers

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: SMUT (DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW 18), Angst, Dry Dark Humour, Unapologetic Violence, Gore, Lots of Blood, Lots of Cussing, Torn Limbs, Biscuit Thievery

A/N: Hello, my darlings! I know I have an ongoing series already (Those Linked by Destiny), but my brain just won’t let me live until I fulfill this idea first. This is my first venture into smut so please bear with me. No smut in this particular chapter but the next one has oodles of it. Let me know what you think!

Masterlist

1: The Wrath of a Goddess

The Avengers each filed into the compound's common room with sullen faces and hunched shoulders. With each heavy step they began to unbuckle their weapon holsters, loosen their tactical suits, disassemble their armor, and silently pick apart the last mission on what they could have done better. The mood blanketing the team was somber and tired which is why none of them were prepared to be greeted by a stranger perched on a barstool in the kitchenette casually having a snack.

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?" Tony snarled recovering first and aiming a charged blaster at the intruder.

The rest of the team immediately snapped to attention and aimed their own weapons, their own fatigue forgotten for the moment. The target though was decidedly unbothered as you took another one of Tony's expensive biscuits, dipped it in the coffee, and popped it in your mouth.

Bucky and Steve noticed that there was a peculiar grace and fluidity to the small movements. You looked oddly harmless enough aside from the fact that you had just broken into the Avengers Compound without raising any alarms which was arguably more secure than the Pentagon as Tony liked to boast. Your hair was piled atop your head in a messy bun, bare faced, a beat up sweatshirt, and satin sleep shorts that barely even covered your thigh. You looked like you had left bed and haphazardly dressed before coming there.

You spun the seat with your boot to face the Avengers, two of which gasped in surprise. At this view, the super soldiers noted that while your frame was slim the clearly toned muscles on your legs showed that you held some strength.

"Y/N?" Natasha asked in disbelief.

"Hey, Nat," you said with a toothy smile. You craned your head to the side and smiled wider when you found the face you were looking for. "Hi, Clint. Thought you were retired?"

He shrugged as he tucked away his bow. "Thought you were retired."

You shrugged in return causing a grin to grow on his face, happy that the easy dynamic between you two was still intact after all these years apart.

"Excuse me! Can someone explain to the rest of the class what the hell is going on?" Tony interrupted and scowled deeper when he saw you reach for another biscuit. "And can you stop eating my secret stash?"

Never one to pass off a chance to aggravate someone unnecessarily, you purposely exaggerated the way you slid the treat into your mouth. Tony threw his hands in the air in exasperation while he fought the urge to blast you out of spite.

"Y/N, what exactly are you doing here?" Natasha asked. She had put away her weapons as well, the rest of the Avengers following her lead albeit reluctantly. She and Clint approached to stand across from you with each grabbing a biscuit much to Tony's displeasure.

Sam, Bucky, and Steve were more hesitant to get nearer despite the obvious familiarity you had with their teammates. They chose instead to hang back with Tony as they carefully watched your movements for any sign of hostility.

"She's here for me."

None of them needed to turn around to know who it was. Nick Fury had a voice that was just as distinct as his presence. The man with the eye patch came front and center to meet your cold glare.

"Good to see you, Agent Athena," he said cautiously as if approaching a wild animal.

"Just Y/N. I'm a civilian, Nick, and you sure took your sweet time getting here," you scoffed.

"Thought it would be best to wait until their slow asses got here."

"I know what you did."

"You wouldn't take my calls."

"I know you led them to me."

"No, they were already on you. I simply did not intervene."

"I'll kill you if this happens again."

"I know. Why the hell do you think I left you alone all these years?"

Tony was astounded. Nick was a manipulative son of a bitch who will use any means he has to get a team together or to complete a mission. It was always for the greater good, a greater cause that justified the inconvenience of so many others. It was only this moment that he saw a genuine concern for his safety at a mere verbal threat and what looked suspiciously like regret for roping some poor civilian in. He needed to know everything about this girl right now.

You regarded the Director's words and the almost indiscernible tick of his jaw. He was nervous. You smirked. Good. That confirmed that he truly must be desperate to resort to disrupting your peace. You nodded, satisfied. Fury's shoulders relaxed for a fraction of a second but before anyone aside from you could notice, he had reverted back to his normal hard exterior.

"Got anything useful for me?"

You rolled your eyes at Fury before wordlessly jumping down from your seat. Despite your heavy boots, your footsteps were light as a cat's. Bucky noticed this despite being partly distracted by your naked legs and your shapely rump.

Steve on the other hand was paying more attention to where you were going. He frowned as he watched you go around to the back of one of the sofas at the other end of the common room. Whatever he was expecting you to pull out, it definitely wasn't a half conscious man twice your size who was bound and gagged.

With what looked to be very little effort, you pulled the man by the back of his disheveled black suit to kneel in front of the group of superheroes. Tony was more than just surprised by the show of strength, looking around the room though he noticed that Natasha, Clint, and Fury were unfazed. His mind began buzzing with theories on what exactly you were.

"Who's your friend, Y/N?" Clint said with a smirk.

"This is Lawrence, the bitch that knocked over my completed Hogwarts Lego model when he attacked me in my home tonight."

Bucky didn't fail to notice that your tone seemed to imply that you were more pissed off about your ruined toy rather than the attempt at your life. You slapped the man's face a few times until he opened his one good eye, the other not opening from how badly his face had been beaten.

"Hi, Lawrence." Your tone was sweet but your smile was sinister, a sight that caused the captive to immediately struggle against his restraints. You clapped a firm hand on his shoulder to still him. "Tell the nice Avengers here what you told me and I'll give you up to SHIELD custody.

Deal?"

Lawrence nodded his head rapidly, the fear and desperation clear in his eyes. You nodded in acceptance and ripped off the duct tape covering his mouth.

He gasped at the sting before suddenly pleading his case to Earth's Mightiest. "You gotta get me away from this crazy bitch!"

There was an audible crack heard around the room when your leg connected with his ribs. Even Natasha winced at the impact and Sam let out a string of expletives. Steve was beginning to think that this conversation was better suited to an interrogation room.

"That's not nice, Lawrence," you said softly as if talking to a toddler. "Tell them."

He groaned in pain but nodded his compliance. "The man you're looking for is Allan Levy. His base is in Boston. All the intel you have for potential suspects and bases were decoys."

"How the hell have we been fed bad intel?" Tony asked, rightfully enraged. All of their intel had come either from his own systems or from SHIELD's intelligence team. That could only mean one thing and the stress was already triggering his acid reflux.

"Lara Chan and Emmanuel Smith," Lawrence grunted after catching a sharp look from you. "They're technical analysts and coders in SHIELD who have been planting false leads in your systems for months."

"Who sent them?" Bucky growled, knowing the answer but needing to hear it.

"Hydra."

That one word threw the whole room into chaos with most of the animosity directed at Fury.

"What the hell is going on, Fury? I thought we fixed that problem years ago! Now you're telling us that Hydra is back and somehow under our roof again?"

Steve was fuming. Not only were they led on a wild goose chase but somehow this organization was back. A large part of his frustration was also due to his protectiveness of Bucky.

Fury met the Captain's anger unflinchingly. "Why the fuck do you think we're having this conversation right now, Cap? I suspected something was wrong when you came up empty on the second base you hit and they're not stupid enough to try the same shit twice. They're risking it all right now for one reason."

"Are you gonna tell us or do we have to guess?" Tony snapped.

A sharp cry from the captive caught everyone's attention. You had landed a firm kick to his spine from your comfortable seat on the armchair. No one knew how or why but you were now munching on Tony's biscuits again.

"Project Olympus," Lawrence groaned.

"Are you seriously eating my cookies again?" Tony said making a move to snatch them away from you only to stop mid stride as the words registered. "Hold on. Project Olympus is a myth! It's an old wives tale in SHIELD."

"What the damn hell is Project Olympus?" Sam interrupted. He was sorely confused with the information provided only birthing even more questions.

"Project Olympus is basically a ghost story in SHIELD. The legend goes that there was a top secret faction in SHIELD that was aimed to create and train Agents that would be the first line of defense for the world. A league of heroes to be deployed when shit went down," Tony began to recount what he remembered of the tale.

"That sounds suspiciously like the Avengers Initiative," Sam commented.

"It essentially was, but the key word here is create," Fury added.

"Super Soldiers," Tony said simply.

"No," Steve said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, Capsicle. You were the first of your kind, but you were gone and they wanted more soldiers like you. This was said to have happened way before anyone had any idea that you were alive but frozen in the middle of the ocean," Tony continued. "But that's impossible. Like I said it's all just a story. There are no files, logs, or any traces of anything even remotely referring to it. I know because I've tried extensively. There's no possible way - "

You watched in amusement as the cogs in his head turned, putting all the pieces together. You bit into another biscuit and leaned back on the chair while you waited. As he turned his head slowly to stare at you with his jaw open, the rest of his team followed suit. You could practically see the lightbulb flash above their heads and had to hold in a laugh.

Project Olympus.

Fury had called you Agent Athena.

"Bingo," you said tapping the side of your nose with your finger.

Steve and Bucky understood now why your movements felt somewhat familiar to them. The fluid yet sharp actions, the strength, the way your eyes scanned the room and each one of them to assess potential threats, the fear in your captive, even the tinge of trauma in your gaze. They saw it everyday in each other.

"They could have looked for the formula for the serum elsewhere. Why did they go after you specifically?" Fury asked. Instead of answering, you landed another kick to your captive's back.

"Her eggs!" he screamed. "They wanted to breed her to raise super soldiers."

"Sick fucks," Natasha growled, deeply offended at the means Hydra was willing to take.

"I take it this means you're in?" Fury asked you, almost hopefully.

"Just this once," you nodded. "Allan Levy made it personal. I'm taking down that motherfucker either way, Nick. Coming to you was a courtesy."

"I appreciate it. Welcome to the Avengers. We'll set up a room for you in the compound and get you whatever you need. Natasha or Clint can show you to your room."

You waved your hand to dismiss him. "FRIDAY already hooked me up. What do you think I've been doing while I waited? You know I have a short attention span."

"Did you do something to FRIDAY?" Tony looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Go get some rest. We'll talk in the morning," Fury said ignoring the angry billionaire.

"No, we're talking right now. I have a million questions I need answered," Tony insisted.

"Just read my file. Oh no, wait. There is no file." You smiled slyly, his huffing only further amusing you. "Calm your tits, Stark. I'm sure Nat, Clint, and Nick will brief you extensively once I'm out of here."

On cue, both super spies raised their thumbs in confirmation. You smiled at them both before turning back to Fury.

"Did you get everything you needed from him?" you asked cocking your head at the captive.

"Yeah. We can transfer - "

A loud gunshot erupted in the room catching everyone off-guard. Every single person ducked for cover at the sound except for you and Fury. You stood there keeping your eyes locked with Fury's, your arm outstretched clutching a smoking gun aimed at a now lifeless Lawrence.

"Good night, Nick."

The stench of gunpowder and blood was thick in the air and not a word was said until you had disappeared down the hall. The look of horror and shock was shared by each face on the team.

The Avengers had moved to the conference room after the mess you made in the common room. They all sat in silent shock for a while just each trying to process your actions while the cleaning team restored the other room. More than the sudden execution, they were all haunted by the look in your eyes.

"We can't have that psychopath on our team, Fury," Tony said quietly, almost in a whisper as if fearing that you would hear him and shoot him next.

"That woman is downright vicious," Sam mumbled as he shook off the chill that ran through his spine.

"She wasn't always like that you know," Clint said sadly. His arms rested on the table and he was fiddling with his hands. "I knew her before Project Olympus. She was a code breaker, technical analyst, strategy runner, basically a whiz with a computer. Could give you a run for your money, Stark."

Tony scoffed but that did explain how you bypassed his security and left no trace. He checked. It was clean. He wouldn't admit it but he was impressed.

"She was the best we had," Fury agreed. "Still is. Nobody has come close to her skill. What she can do in 30 minutes takes at least nine days for a full team."

"So she was the resident genius! Big deal."

It was Clint's turn to scoff at Tony's remark. "It was way more than that. Any mission she plans out is sure to be completed in the fastest time possible with little to no casualties for both sides."

Everyone else furrowed their brows in confusion. Being in the Avengers meant that exploding vehicles, collapsing skyscrapers, and bloody battles were standard for a mission. It was normal to charge in guns blazing for them.

"I remember the first Y/N mission I had," Natasha said with a fond smile. "I followed her instructions to the tee and finished in 16 minutes. I didn't run into a single soul. It felt so weird that I thought for sure I must have gone to the wrong place.

"My record is 9 minutes. Zero casualties or injuries," Clint chuckled.

"Show off," Natasha teased with a soft shove to his shoulder. "Later I found out that she activates in perfect intervals several small distractions like package deliveries, emails notifications, news bulletins, and even coffee brewing to allow you a small window to slip through. They're so stupidly mundane and timed perfectly that no one gets suspicious until weeks later. She's a fucking genius for sure."

"Y/N didn't care if it's enemy or ally blood that will be spilled. To her, people are people and a life is a life. So she goes through all that trouble to make sure that no one even gets a papercut," Clint said with a wistful smile. "Plus she told me she liked puzzles and it was like a high stakes jigsaw puzzle to her."

Natasha laughed, shaking her head. "Adorable little weirdo."

Steve and Bucky smiled. The image of you happy and idealistic somehow warming their hearts. It was strange, but they felt a strong urge to do anything to see you smile in peaceful joy.

"That sounds nothing like the murder fairy we all just saw," Sam said.

Fury sighed, his shoulders were heavy with guilt that they were yet to understand. "Y/N wanted to help more. Said she wanted to be more hands on with helping the cause, but she kept failing agent physical exams. Her mind was strong as all heck but her body wasn't."

"Kid was legally blind with how thick her glasses were," Clint laughed. "Scrawny and uncoordinated too like a baby deer."

Steve couldn't stop his smile from growing wide. You were just like him, just wanting to fight for his country even if his body refused to cooperate. He just wanted to have a greater purpose and be able to make the world a better place. He felt more connected to you with this new knowledge.

"We approached her for Project Olympus and she jumped at the chance immediately." Fury took a moment to shake his head in regret. "Well you know how the serum works. We called her Athena, a warrior goddess with the wisdom in strategy of a seasoned general."

"You don't send a weapon like that just to retrieve secrets. You send it to kill whole armies and target leaders of terrorist cells," Natasha said darkly. "At first she was okay. She was fighting to protect the world from horrible people so she learned to deal with the blood on her hands. One day she snapped. You know the rest of the ghost story, Tony?"

He nodded slowly as he recalled the ridiculous story that was whispered among agents. "Rumor has it that the super soldier murdered everyone who had anything to do with Project Olympus and shut the whole program down. Every file burned and every trace deleted. No bodies were ever found. There was something wrong with the serum that drove it insane."

"Rumors are hardly ever true. This would be the exception," Fury said with a smirk as he scrolled through his phone. "But if you have any doubt take a look at the screen. These images were taken by the cleaning crew sent to her house tonight. Take a look now because in 30 seconds this will be automatically deleted."

Each face in the room reflected varying degrees of horror, sadness, fear, and disgust as Fury flicked through the photos. It showed absolute carnage. The living room and kitchen was completely trashed, but what was more notable was the fact that blood was everywhere; the walls, furniture, floor, and even on the ceiling. More disturbing still was how random torn limbs, internal organs, and ripped up torsos were strewn across the destruction. None of them could be certain, but there was at least 18 bodies there. Counting the captive you brought to the Compound, that made at least 19 people that you murdered on your own. Sam's face paled and he looked like he was about to vomit.

Just like Fury said, the screen suddenly went black and the photos were gone without a trace in exactly 30 seconds.

"There's one thing about that rumor that's not true." Fury started to tap his fingers on the table in a subtle and rare show of nerves. "There was nothing wrong with the serum. She found out the truth about Project Olympus."

"There are 12 gods in the Olympus myths and Athena is just one of them. There are 11 more that needed to be recruited," Natasha swallowed hard. "Y/N thought she was being sent to eliminate bad people, but the truth was she was being sent to target families with young mutant children."

Bucky clenched his fists, the metal plates on his arm shifting noisily. He knew where this was going having an intimate knowledge of Hydra, but it took all of his will to keep his anger in check.

"She didn't know at first because sometimes she was sent to deal with legit threats, but she began to get suspicious quickly. Hydra decided that kids are easier to brainwash naturally and to grow loyalty organically. They're impressionable and also grieving for the loss of their families. She eventually found out," Fury said his head hanging low. "She tracked down every motherfucker that had a hand in Project Olympus. Killed every single one in cold blood, rescued all the kids and sent them to Xavier's school, burned down every base and document, then released a virus into the internet that actively obliterates any mention of it. No one could stop it. No one could stop her."

Bucky's heart clenched as he felt the connection to you snap in place just as it did with Steve. His though was far darker. You were tricked into serving a false cause by taking advantage of your desire to help people. Forced to serve the purpose of a sick organization. He could only imagine the rage that burned through you when you found out. Children. He would have done the exact same thing. He admired your intelligence even more now because even in what he assumed was a blind rage, you had strategically followed a plan that would protect the children and ensure a better future for them.

"If she killed off everyone who knew about Olympus then how come you three know?" Tony asked as he rubbed the stubble on his chin.

"Y/N was still Y/N underneath the anger," Clint murmured. Sam saw a hint of tears before his teammate blinked them away. "She only killed those who actually knew what Hydra was doing with Olympus. She spared the three of us because we honestly didn't know."

The archer was still grateful for that small mercy. If not for that, he wouldn't have the life he had right now with his family. He thanked every god there was to ever exist that he was spared.

"She came to me you know," Fury said softly. "She told me her suspicions and I didn't believe her. Even if I did I wasn't a Director yet back then. I hardly had any pull to do anything. I never forgave myself for that."

"If we had listened to her then we would have been able to weed out Hydra way before the Avengers were even formed. Maybe we could have saved Bucky earlier too," Natasha added.

Tony looked at the faces of his colleagues. He understood now. He was the first to speak after a long drawn out silence that was heavy with the ghosts of past regrets.

"Fury?"

"Yeah, Stark?"

"I really don't want that psychopath on our team."

Masterlist

691 notes · View notes

edendaphne · 3 years

Text

“Discordant Sonata” Chapter 21

>>Click here to read on Ao3<<

>>Click here to read on Wattpad<<

–––––

CHAPTER 21: IMPROVVISANDO

Music glossary: Improvvisando: with improvisation

Glossary: Wǎnshàng hǎo : Good evening Shīfù : Teacher/Master

(Mood music: Night of Beijing - Jia Peng Fang)

That evening

Marinette fidgeted with her napkin, occasionally sipping her now-lukewarm tea while sitting at the kitchen bar counter. Chat Noir sat on the stool beside her in silence, also nursing a half-emptied cup. She checked the clock for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the last few minutes.

“It’s about that time. I’ll head up to my room to let Ladybug inside. Will you get the door if your visitor arrives before she does?”

“Sure,” he replied, uneasy but compliant, doing his best to avoid staring at the black eye she’d received earlier that day.

Marinette set her cup in the sink and headed upstairs, leaving Chat alone with his thoughts.

He tried to keep his fast-beating heart in check, subconsciously clenching his jaw. It was finally happening. He was going to meet “him”: The Guardian of the Miraculous.

Following the events at school earlier that day, Adrien had walked Marinette to her house, where her family invited him to stay for a cup of tea until his “ride” arrived to pick him up. Of course, he’d eagerly accepted. It was nice to interact with the family as Adrien instead of just as Chat Noir.

After leaving, he hid away and transformed so he could sneak in through Marinette’s balcony as he usually did.

Upon transforming, however, he found a series of voice mails from Ladybug that she’d left during Adrien’s attempted abduction. Her voice was frantic. He could hear the urgency and distress in her tone, and a heavy blanket of guilt settled onto his shoulders as he listened.

The first message asked him to come to their school, that it was an emergency, to please call her back as soon as possible. He chewed on his lip, wanting nothing more than to hide away in a cave in shame.

The second one must have been left right after she’d rescued Adrien and left him at the school nurse; she’d called to let Chat know the incident had passed. Then she asked if he was okay, since she hadn’t heard back from him. He sighed. Typical Ladybug, always worrying and thinking about others first, even when she was having a rough time.

The last voicemail caused a trail of ice to trickle down his spine as he listened. Ladybug informed him that she had scheduled an impromptu meeting with the Guardian at the Dupain-Cheng’s house that evening, with Marinette’s permission, and that it was of utmost importance that he attend.

He shivered as goosebumps appeared on his arms and he swallowed hard. What was the purpose of this meeting? Was he in trouble for not showing up today during ‘Adrien’s’ kidnapping? And why meet here, at the Dupain home, instead of somewhere more private and away from civilians? What was the Guardian like? Would Chat get reprimanded and treated with disdain for having been their enemy for all these years, or would he be understanding and forgiving?

More importantly, would he have to disclose his identity to him, or to both him and Ladybug, to prove his loyalty? He winced at the mere thought of it. The last thing he wanted was for Ladybug to think less of him, or to pity him. Especially after the kidnapping attempt.

Additionally, if they were to learn that Hawkmoth was Gabriel Agreste, would they want to confront him head-on? Adrien didn’t feel ready for that, for several reasons.

First of all, would he be able to protect Ladybug, as he’d promised her? Hawkmoth had shown that he’d developed some sort of new power. Either that, or an entirely different person had become involved and was helping him. In any case, he didn’t know what exactly they were dealing with anymore.

Secondly, if the time came and he had to hurt or even kill his father, he didn’t know if he’d be able to do it. Yes, Gabriel was a monster and Adrien despised what he had become. But what if the damage was reversible and there was still a way to bring him back to normal? He just had to know, before doing something he might permanently regret.

The sudden ringing of the doorbell startled Chat out of his thoughts and he practically fell off his seat.

He ran to answer the front door, looking to make sure no one else was around. At the last second, he remembered to detransform and slip on the hood of his zip-up sweater (the one Marinette had gifted him), pulling a scarf over his nose and mouth so he wouldn’t be recognized if anyone outside were to catch a glimpse of him.

He looked out through the peephole, only to see the very top of someone’s head, balding with grey hair, and a little bit of their eyebrows.

Huh. Somehow Adrien thought the Guardian would be a bit… taller?

He turned the knob and the door opened, its squeaking hinges somehow louder than usual. Peeking out from the side like a scared tortoise, he checked to make sure the individual matched the description he was given, then stepped back to allow the door to swing open all the way. The older man stepped inside, closing it behind him.

“Hello,” Adrien said meekly, bowing his head slightly. “You must be…”

“Yes. I am Wang Fu,” he replied, bowing politely in greeting. “It is very good to see you again, Adrien Agreste.”

While Adrien’s face scarf efficiently concealed the way his jaw dropped when the elder man called him by name, there was no hiding the way his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.

“W- what?!” he sputtered. “How did you—”

The man called Fu chuckled, stroking his beard. “It was a long time ago, but we’ve met before.”

Adrien lowered his scarf and frowned in concentration, falling silent for a few seconds. Then it dawned on him.

“YOU!!” he gaped. “I do remember you! It was my first day of lycée! You fell down in front of our school and I helped you up. It was you who put the cat miraculous in my bag that day, wasn’t it?”

“That is correct,” Fu confirmed.

“But why me? You could’ve picked anyone, so why did you choose someone like me?”

Fu’s smile faltered when he said this. Adrien had said “anyone”, but he could see that Fu knew what he’d actually meant. Why did you choose someone as broken as me?

The man folded his arms behind him, considering his answer. “Guardians are bestowed with several powers and abilities. One of them is to locate and select good candidates for the miraculous jewels. And so I was led to you.”

Chat grimaced in confusion. “So if you already knew it was me, why bother to ‘test’ me?”

“My powers as a guardian may lead me to a potential candidate, but ultimately the choice is still mine to make. It was a simple test, but it showed me what your first instinct would be if you saw someone in need. The answer I received was satisfactory. You were meant to be Ladybug’s Chat Noir.”

Adrien sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Honestly, a couple of months ago I wouldn’t have known whether to hug you because I got to become Chat Noir, or whether to punch you because I had to become Chat Noir. But it’s because of you that I got to meet Ladybug, so I am grateful to you for that. It’s good to finally meet you. Officially.”

He extended his hand and Fu took it with a smile, giving it a firm shake.

Afterwards, Adrien’s gaze fell, brows scrunching together. “I can’t believe it. All this time, you knew. You could’ve told Ladybug who I was years ago. She could have figured out a way to take away my miraculous while I wasn’t transformed, like at school, and she would’ve had one less enemy to deal with. It would’ve––” he pursed his lips, expression full of shame, and he lifted his eyes to meet Fu’s once again, “–it would’ve made it easier for her. She would’ve suffered less if I’d been out of the picture. So why didn’t you?”

Fu’s countenance became somber, his eyes carrying years of pain and regret. He took a few moments to consider his words. “When I was a boy, barely a teenager, something terrible happened. Hundreds of innocent people died, and it was all because of me.”

Chat almost reeled back as if he’d been smacked across the face, puzzled about the sudden switch in topic. He remembered Ladybug briefly mentioning this a few months ago, on the night they danced together. He waited for Fu to elaborate.

“I was only trying to protect them,” the older man explained. “After I was orphaned as a child, the monks of the Guardian Temple took me in. They became my family. They were stern, but fair and kind. It was a tough childhood, but I was happy.” He sighed. “However, there were those who would try to steal the miraculous and use their power selfishly. It was an endless struggle. Many were lost over the years. I longed for peace. I wanted my family to be safe, I wanted us to be left alone. So I did what I thought would be a better route, an easier one; one with less hardship and bloodshed. You see, one day while I was supposed to be on guard duty, I sneaked away to where the miraculous box was kept. I put on both the ladybug and cat miraculouses and used them to make a wish: I wished that our enemies would disappear.”

The older man exhaled, squeezing his eyes shut, the memories of what came next clearly still haunting him. Adrien couldn’t help but hold his breath while he listened.

“It worked,” Fu resumed, voice quiet and slightly shaky. “But as you might have suspected, there is always a price to pay; a balance that must be maintained. Therefore, because of my wish, all the monks in our Guardian temple and the innocent people of the surrounding village were ripped away from me, along with our enemies. The wish was technically fulfilled, but I never suspected that the cost would be that high. I have had to live with that in my conscience for over a hundred years.”

He clasped his hands behind his back, appearing more vulnerable than Adrien would have ever expected. He continued, “Since that time, I have both seen and caused much death in my lifetime, protecting the miraculous box alone as the last Guardian. So, you see, if there was even one person I could save, I had to try. I wanted to trust in the miraculouses, like I should have decades ago, during my misguided attempt to control the outcome of a complicated situation.”

Adrien absently rubbed his arm, pondering Fu’s words. “Looking back,” he began, “I can see the reasoning behind a lot of Ladybug’s decisions and principles, now that I know your story.”

“Indeed. Ladybug is a remarkable young lady; I knew that even back then. When I would ask her if she was willing to risk her life for the sake of a stranger, she would say yes, every single time. If anyone can persevere for the greater good, it was her. Was it unfair of me? Probably. Have I asked too much from her? Absolutely. Have I made mistakes while trying to guide her? Yes. Many of them.” He put his hand on Adrien’s shoulder. “I wanted to save you that day by giving you the cat miraculous. But I never would have guessed that it would also doom you and force you into a role of servitude. I hope that you will forgive me for this.”

Adrien’s heart pained for Fu as he admitted his guilt. “You couldn’t have known it would’ve turned out that way. It wasn’t your fault,” he insisted.

Fu shrugged. “I try to tell myself that, but I can’t quite convince myself. The situation made sense once Ladybug told me about Hawkmoth.”

“You mean, when she told you that Hawkmoth was my father?” Adrien asked.

“Yes,” Fu replied. “I had my suspicions, because it would explain your motivations, but I had no proof, no way of finding out for sure. It made sense that Hawkmoth would be Gabriel Agreste. The butterfly miraculous requires its wielder to be creative and inventive, since it relies on their ability to convert the subject’s emotions into a source of power. And he had the motivation.”

Adrien hummed in agreement.

“Additionally, such a clever and talented individual getting ahold of the cat miraculous would be incredibly dangerous. I’d be lying if I said I had never considered taking your miraculous away. But even still, it was safer to let it all play out. I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. And if Hawkmoth was Gabriel Agreste, your fate if you were to lose the cat miraculous would have been disastrous. Maybe it would have even alerted him about the presence of a Guardian in Paris. But now that we know the truth, we can plan accordingly.”

Adrien gulped. So Fu had considered taking his miraculous away before. “A-are you going to tell Ladybug who I am?”

Fu shook his head. “It is not up to me to decide when it will be right for there to be no more secrets between you two. I only know that it is not yet time.”

Adrien curiously tilted his head, brows furrowed in confusion. “How do you know that?”

As Fu started to answer, Adrien heard a doorknob twist open behind him and he quickly pulled his scarf back over his features.

The door opened and Ladybug’s voice exclaimed, “There you are! What are you two doing out here in the entryway?”

Adrien cleared his throat, then stammered, “R-right, pardon my manners. Please, come in.”

Fu walked past him, entering the living area. He took Ladybug’s hands between his, shaking them briefly, and said, “Wǎnshàng hǎo, Ladybug.”

With a small bow, Ladybug replied, “Wǎnshàng hǎo, shīfù. Thank you for coming at such short notice. Please, have a seat.”

Chat entered the room, having transformed now, and stepped forward to greet her.

He stopped short, realizing that he wasn’t quite sure how to greet her since last night’s development in their relationship, not to mention being very conscious of the Guardian watching them. He settled for a hug, which she returned, squeezing him tightly, and added a quick, discreet peck on his cheek. He smiled, feeling his face heat up.

Pleasantries aside and everyone seated, it was Ladybug who spoke first.

“Thank you both for being here. There’s a lot we need to talk about.”

----------

A transformed Wang Fu stood at the bedroom window, curtains drawn, chanting in a language that neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir understood, holding the last of several metallic talismans he’d blessed and scattered around the room. The pair kept their eyes on him, marveling at the efficiency and care that he put into each incantation. There was something sacred, even holy about this ritual. They could feel powerful magic emanating from his form, invisible bursts of energy swirling about the room, dancing all around them in a silent symphony.

Ladybug cast a furtive glance at her partner. He’d been quiet for a little while, after learning about his attempted akumatization the night before. Ladybug had told him that it was Marinette who let her know, and that Plagg was the one who had informed her.

She’d called Master Fu before going to school to let him know what happened last night, and he promised he would figure out a solution. He’d spent all day preparing these special talismans, which would ward off akumas and keep them from entering this room. But only this room. He wasn’t strong enough to cast such a potent, long-term spell over a larger area; especially not at his age.

Fu, or rather, Jade Turtle, was silent for a few moments after placing the last charm, a silver one with indecipherable symbols carved into it, then turned around to face the couple.

“The talismans are almost done being enchanted,” he said, pretty out of breath, beads of sweat present on his brow. “There is one more thing that needs to be done. But I think I’ll need your help for this, Ladybug.”

Ladybug stepped forward in response. “Sure, Master. What is it?”

“I would do it myself, but, well… let’s just say I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“Of course Master, anything you need. Just tell me what to do.”

Fu removed his bracelet, the turtle miraculous, and turned back to his civilian self, then handed the jewelry to her. His kwami, Wayzz, floated next to them awaiting instruction.

“If you could transform with my miraculous to finish the protection spell, I’d very much appreciate it. I’ll show you what to do when you’re ready.”

The young woman gaped at him, having never transformed into any hero other than Ladybug before.

“Oh! R-really?? S-sure! No problem...” She took the bracelet hesitantly, studying it like she’d never seen it before, then excused herself to the ensuite for privacy.

In the bathroom, Ladybug detransformed and removed her earrings, handing them to Tikki for safekeeping. She put on the emerald stone bracelet, staring at it as if it might try to crawl away from her if she wasn’t careful enough.

She squeezed her eyes shut in preparation. “Wayzz, shell on.”

Jade green light shone around the bathroom, and Marinette felt the magic of the turtle miraculous engulf her form. When it passed, she gulped and opened her eyes, lifting them to the mirror to catch a glimpse of her newly transformed self.

“Whoa.”

The heroine stared at her reflection across the way. She ran her fingers over the various bits of fabric and armor, taking the time to appreciate the feel and texture. Somehow, she felt quite powerful. Tough. Solid. Almost like a sentient brick wall.

“Wow, Marinette! You look incredible!” Tikki whispered to her.

“Aww, thank you Tikki,” she replied. “It feels so different, but it’s also really cool.”

Sparing one last glance into the mirror, she finally emerged from the bathroom. Fu was seated at the desk chair across the room, taking a short breather. Chat was speaking to him in hushed tones, but turned around when he heard her re-enter the bedroom.

His jaw dropped and he gasped.

“Oh my God, you’re adorable!” Chat blurted out. He caught himself and turned tomato red, then stuttered, “Umm! S-sorry, I––”

Ladybug (Lady...turtle??) giggled, stepping forward to stand beside him once again. “Thanks,” she replied shyly, reaching up to tuck some hair behind her ear as she usually did when she was nervous, but her hand bumped into her suit’s hood instead. Not quite sure what to do with her hands, she folded them in front of her as she awaited further instruction.

Tikki flew in front of Master Fu, bowing her head in greeting. “It’s good to see you again, Master!”

“Likewise. I hope you are doing well,” he greeted back.

Tikki flew over to Chat Noir, to say hello to him as well. “Hello, Chat Noir! It’s nice to formally meet you,” she chirped happily.

Chat beamed and answered, “Tikki, right? It’s great to finally meet you too! I must admit, you look a little different than I thought you would.”

Tikki giggled. “Did you think I’d be more insect-like? Maybe with six legs and an exoskeleton?”

Chat shrugged timidly. “Well, I mean… Maybe…?” ‘Ladybug’ and Tikki looked at each other and snickered at his reply.

Fu smiled at their interactions fondly, recalling times spent with loved ones, allies no longer here. With a small grunt, he stood up to continue the protection ritual.

“This way, Ladybug. Chat Noir and Tikki, please stand over there; we’ll need a bit of space for this. You might feel a bit tired once this is finished, so be sure to get plenty of rest tonight,” he instructed.

Tikki perched on Chat’s shoulder as he moved towards the edge of the room. They spoke in hushed voices as Fu instructed Ladybug and had her repeat phrases from his notes.

While they waited, Chat turned to Tikki and whispered, “By the way, I wanted to thank you... for helping Ladybug and keeping safe all these years. She means a lot to me.”

If kwamis could blush, Chat was sure that’s what Tikki’s face showed at the moment. “It’s been a pleasure to be her kwami. She’s the best! I’m glad you’ve gotten to know her and see what a sweet person she is.”

Chat smiled, cheeks dusted pink. “I am too.”

------

Many minutes passed, and Ladybug and Fu finished casting the protection ward. Chat helped Fu gather his things as Ladybug excused herself to transform back to her regular hero self.

As she re-emerged from the bathroom, Chat handed her a glass of water and invited her to sit on the bed so she could catch her breath and gather back some of her energy. “Welcome back, Lily-bug,” he greeted her with a wink. Ladybug beamed at him, accepting the water and taking a seat next to him.

Fu stood beside them, having finished gathering his belongings in a satchel. As he gave Ladybug time to rest, he asked, “Do either of you have any questions about the protection ritual, or about anything else?”

Ladybug replied, “I actually do have some questions, sir.”

Fu nodded.

“Master... why did Hawkmoth attempt to akumatize Chat Noir last night? If he’s tried it before, why did he not succeed during other nights?” Ladybug’s questions came faster once she got started. “Since he tried to akumatized Chat, does that mean he knows where he lives now? Is Chat even safe here anymore? What about the Dupains? Are they gonna be okay? How much does Hawkmoth know?”

Chat looked at Fu expectantly, realizing that he, too, had those same questions.

Fu replied, “The owner of the butterfly miraculous sends out his butterflies in search of a specific strong emotion, but is not aware of their location until after the host accepts it. He is able to learn some vague details about why they are feeling that certain emotion. My guess is that he was able to locate him while he was having a nightmare. So, no. He does not know that Chat Noir lives here. His powers have limitations, just like you do with yours. He is more powerful since he is older and more experienced, but even he can’t overextend the capabilities of his miraculous.”

He paused, stroking his beard, and contemplated. Then he asked, “Did something happen last night to make your emotions different from what they normally are?”

Ladybug and Chat Noir looked at each other, blushing furiously, stammering as they attempted to answer without divulging too much unnecessary information.

Fu raised an eyebrow, then chuckled knowingly, raising his hands to stop them. “It’s okay, I don’t need to know the details.”

“Umm! I-it’s not what you think!”

“M-master, don’t misunderstand–”

“Y-you see–”

“What happened was…”

“My guess is–” Fu interrupted, “–That Hawkmoth sensed your great joy last night, and became enraged. He couldn’t stand the thought of you being happy because it would mean that he is in the wrong, and his pride won’t allow him to accept that.”

Chat and Ladybug fell silent, looking downcast, as the explanation both made sense yet was immensely disheartening.

“There’s something else, Master,” Ladybug spoke again. “Something happened at school today. Akumas, but they vanished without a trace. I mentioned it to you earlier today over the phone. Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

“Ah, yes. And all that remained was two white feathers?” Fu asked.

“That’s right. Could the akumas still be out there because they haven’t been purified?”

Fu shook his head. “Allow me to explain. Firstly, as Ladybug already knows, two of the miraculouses in my box went missing when the temple of the guardians was destroyed: the butterfly and the peacock. One of them fell into Hawkmoth’s hands sometime within the last few years. But after hearing about what happened at the school today, we can now confirm that Hawkmoth is currently in possession of not just one, but of both of them. Either that, or he has someone else working under him.”

“The Peacock… of course!” Ladybug gasped, voice filled with dread.

Chat looked at her, then back at Fu, waiting for him to elaborate.

“The Guardian’s Grimoire calls them ‘sentimonsters’, mystical beings created out of thin air using the peacock miraculous, which harnesses the power of emotions. They can be created and destroyed whenever the wielder desires. Usually they are simple creatures, designed to be helpers or perform smaller tasks. However, they can also be more sophisticated, even indistinguishable from other humans, although an enormous amount of energy is required to create these complex sentimonsters. One can even ‘borrow’ the appearance of an already existing person. In this case, Hawkmoth chose not to give the sentimonsters the ability to speak, so they couldn’t divulge their secrets, in the event that they were caught.”

Ladybug shuddered. “What the hell?! That is so creepy.”

“Indeed.” Fu looked over at Chat, who had remained pensive throughout this exchange. “Any thoughts, Chat Noir?”

Chat looked up at him, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to say. “I… I think I remember seeing the peacock miraculous in my father’s safe once. I only caught a glimpse of it; I just thought it was some of my mom’s jewelry he kept as a memento. I had no idea it was a miraculous. Otherwise, I would’ve had Plagg help me break into the safe and taken it with me when I ran away from home. There are so many things my father never told me… I’m sorry I don’t know more.”

Ladybug reached out to hold his hand, giving it a small squeeze, which he returned.

“You’ve done more than you know, believe me,” Fu replied as he unconsciously squeezed his satchel, which contained the electronic tablet where his copy of the Grimoire was stored.

He stuck his hand in his pocket and stepped forward, handing Chat Noir a card with his cell phone number.

“Call me if you have any questions, either of you. Even if it’s the middle of the night. Wayzz will make sure I hear my phone if it rings; he’s a much lighter sleeper than I am.”

“Thank you, Master Fu,” replied Chat, smiling. “And thank you too, Wayzz.”

“Thanks, Wayzz. Thank you, Master.” said Ladybug.

“Also, I must remind you once again that your identities must remain a secret until things settle down. There are negative effects that could happen if you are revealed too soon, and I’m not sure what they could be; but it’s best not to find out.”

Ladybug frowned. “But when will that be, Master? It would be so much easier to be able to communicate without having to transform.”

Fu shrugged helplessly. “I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for that. We must allow things to continue to develop on their own. I'm sure we’ll know when the time is right.”

Ladybug let out a displeased sigh. Chat nodded, glancing away with a worried look in his eyes. Despite Ladybug’s eagerness (and despite his own curiosity), waiting suited him just fine for now.

After saying their goodbyes, Fu left the pair behind and let himself out with a final wave. The two heroes remained in the bedroom, contemplating what had been discussed.

After sitting in silence for a few moments, unsure of what to say next, a lightbulb seemed to light up inside Ladybug’s brain, and she began typing away into her yo-yo communicator. Chat watched curiously, wondering what she was up to.

Moments later, she hopped out of the bed to jot something down onto a sticky note from Chat’s desk, then walked back.

“Just because we can’t tell each other who we are doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to contact each other when we’re not transformed. Kwamis aren’t pagers, after all.”

“Pagers? What decade is this, anyway?” Chat razzed.

“Hush, you,” she mock scolded him, suppressing a smile. “ Anyway! Here’s my brand new, Chat Noir-exclusive email address,” she said, handing him the note with a wink.

Chat’s eyes lit up. “Wait, really??” He unfolded the paper as if it was a Christmas present, excited to read the contents. His eyes widened and he burst out laughing.

“ ‘[email protected]’ ?!”

“What, you don't think I’m great?” she teased, striking an exaggerated, Chat Noir-style pose.

Chat’s snickering only intensified and he nodded. “Oh, for sure! The greatest!” he agreed.

Ladybug smirked. “I made it just now,” she explained. “So you’re the only one who knows about it. We may not be able to hang out in person yet, but I’d still like to talk to you during the day. Plus, it’ll come in handy for emergencies.”

“Buginette you’re a genius!”

Ladybug giggled, feeling her face warm up despite herself. “M-maybe we can message each other when you have some free time? I mean… now that you don’t have to worry about getting akumatized in your own room anymore. Your bedroom’s pretty much the safest place in Paris now, thanks to Master Fu.”

“And thanks to you, as well, my dear ‘Lily-bug’,” Chat reached up to take her hand, gently pulling her down to sit next to him. “I feel much better already. And knowing I can talk to you anytime makes me feel even safer.”

She scooted closer, setting her head down on his shoulder. “Y-you know… you make me feel safe too, Kitty.”

Chat’s insides twisted into pleasant little knots, suddenly feeling rather warm. “Really?”

He felt her smile as her hand squeezed his arm, her other one sneaking across their laps to wrap her fingers around his own. “Yeah. I know we’ve only been allies for a short time, but I’ve already lost count of all the times you’ve saved me or sacrificed yourself to help others. Our partnership grows stronger every day, and I think Hawkmoth knows it. He knows we’re stronger together. And it’s only a matter of time until we can be together without these masks too, I just know it.”

He turned towards her, putting his fingers under her chin and lifting her head to have her look up at him. Their eyes met, her pupils dilating as they focused on his own, and he could see a bright blush blooming on her cheeks.

“Me too,” he whispered, as he brought their lips together.

She blissfully melted into him, letting out a small noise of contentment. She deepened the kiss, reaching behind his head to caress his hair with her slender fingers. Their kisses and breaths mingled together and they lost track of everything else around them.

A little while later, they faintly heard the grandfather clock striking the hour in the living room, then some noises as the Dupains shuffled upstairs from the bakery to get ready for bed.

Ladybug pulled back and they separated, his lips still tingling from her touch.

“I… I should probably get going soon,” she lamented with a small shrug. “It’s starting to get late.”

“Would you like me to walk you home? Or rather, to somewhere around your neighborhood?”

She shook her head. “That’s not necessary. Besides, I’m closer than you might think,” she added a bit cryptically.

“I wish you could stay,” he said softly, reaching up to tuck some hair behind her ear. He gave her nose a tiny smooch. “Just a teeeeensy bit more?” he begged, giving her the best kitten eyes he could muster.

Ladybug giggled shyly, cheeks still dusted with pink. She gave his own nose a peck, her lips soft and inviting. “Well… I guess I could stay just a little bit longer,” she said with a smirk.

“Purr- fect,” he said, capturing her lips once again.

-------------

Note:

Many of the events in the “Volpina” and “Collector” episodes happened in this AU, albeit heavily modified to suit the story. Adrien found the grimoire in his father’s safe, took it out to study it, and Lila stole it. Since Adrien didn’t act impressed about Lila knowing Ladybug, she didn’t magnify the lie and claim to be Ladybug’s best friend; therefore, Ladybug never showed up to call her out on her lie, and Lila was never akumatized.

However, Tikki did see the book in the dumpster and retrieved it, and Marinette showed it to Master Fu. After Gabriel discovered the book was missing and pulled Adrien out of school, Fu made a copy so that Marinette could return it to Gabriel, and Adrien was allowed to attend school again. Currently, Adrien has no idea that this is how Fu acquired his grimoire; he merely assumes that Fu has always had his own copy.

Of course, Marinette began to suspect that Gabriel might be Hawkmoth because he owned the grimoire. Gabriel akumatized himself into the Collector in order to avoid suspicion, and with Chat’s help, almost succeeded in obtaining the ladybug miraculous. Ultimately, Ladybug outsmarted him, got him to accidentally “collect” Chat, and succeeded in purifying his akuma. But by then, Gabriel had “proven” he was an innocent civilian and Ladybug dismissed his potential involvement as Hawkmoth.

----

P.S. Another note: Certain things that are similar but not identical to canon have been in my outline since the beginning, so I apologize if they're a little confusing (such as the protection talismans being similar to Ladybug's akuma victims' lucky charms or the destruction/disappearance of the Guardian Temple)

#Miraculous Ladybug #Ladynoir #Enemies AU #enemies to lovers #Marinette Dupain Cheng #Adrien Agreste #Chat Noir #Ladybug #fanfiction #Discordant Sonata #ML AU #aged up #Eden writes

179 notes · View notes

hotgirltarot · 3 years

Text

Pick-a-Card: What will be a major obstacle this Mercury Retrograde ☿ and how can you overcome it? 🐆🐝🐬

What's good, Baddies? Welcome to another Pick-A-Card! This PAC is about what the upcoming Mercury Retrograde (September 27th- October 18th) will bring up for you and how to handle it.

Pile 1: Cheetah 🐆 - Pile 2: Bee 🐝 - Pile 3: Dolphin 🐬

To pick a pile, you can meditate, intuitively choose one or pick whichever crystal is calling out to you. This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Please only take what resonates & leave what does not. If you like your reading and want to support our page, tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

Reblog to help others master mercury retrograde!

Pile 1: Cheetah 🐆

Pile 1 is for the people who are most comfortable in situations where they are in control. They thrive in their own world while feeling lost when they are outside of it. One major theme of this Mercury retrograde will be your relationships with others. Your connection to others, whether it be friendships, business partners, relationships or marriage will be affected. Any major issues or tensions from the past that you or they may have swept under the rug will be brought to the light. You must ask yourself: Am I feeling disconnected from any people in my life? Am I growing away from limiting relationships? Are my relationships an even push and pull? Are the people in my life bringing value to me? Mercury retrograde is here show you that you have been living in an illusion in some of your personal relationships. No more time for empty conversations or entertaining people that are not on the same vibration as you; this is a time of evolution and transformation.

We are picking on 2 types of energies:

1. Some people who need a person as a reason for them to grow, because they don't think they deserve to be their own priority. You have to do things in life for yourself, if you choose to heal for someone so that you can have a better relationship with them won't work. You have to do it for yourself because you are worthy enough to be the reason and you care about yourself enough. Waiting for someone to guess what you're going through and come and save you from your mind will make you lose hope. 2. Some people who give up human interaction and just isolate. You need to be more open and interact with people, don't give up as soon as something doesn't go the way you planned. Some things require time to grow especially when it comes to relationships/friendships. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't choose to isolate yourself and let others' emotions, opinions about you stop you from all the beautiful things that you are capable of achieving in this lifetime.

You have the power to change. Don’t dwell on the past or on what could have been. Look forward and keep going; it’s not over yet. Just because some people may leave your life, doesn’t make your life any less fulfilling. Life continues and you are being given the opportunity to grow, experience new things, and evolve. After it is all said and done, you will realize that the people that have left your life brought little or no value to you at all. You are not meant to be a follower in this lifetime; you are a leader, a visionary, an artist, and a dreamer. Your Spiritual Team wants you to know that you are protected, divinely guided and it's safe for you to share your art/ideas & yourself with the world. All you have to do is to gather the courage to pave a new path for yourself and trust your visions before they become reality. Don’t look for outside validation for your work or creative projects, allow them to just exist. When you allow the negative Nancies and keyboard critics to impact your self-worth, it takes the joy out of creating. A major piece of advice is to be bold during this mercury retrograde. Follow your heart and emotions and listen to what your gut is telling you about the people in your life. Avoid being reckless, but show the world what you’re made of!

Pile 2: Bee 🐝

Pile 2 is for the people who are sometimes so trusting in their spirituality that they forget to also be practical. This mercury retrograde will show you the importance of having practicality & reality instead of just having your head in the clouds. This retrograde will force you to make more effort to move towards your goals and the more practical steps you can take, the better. It’s time to find an inner balance between your dreams and your responsibilities. Taking responsibilities means cleaning up your messes and making changes so that it does not happen again, not just hoping everything will just magically sort itself out. This mercury retrograde may also affect your 2nd house of personal finance and possessions. Think about your relationship with money; Are your thoughts and actions around money empowering or disempowering you? Do you use money as an excuse to avoid doing something? Abundance comes through gratitude, being appreciative of what you already have. Don't be fixated on the idea that rewards only come in the form of money, thinking like this will only cause you to miss the beautiful gifts that life will be offering you. You might have a feeling that your purpose is to help others and guide them, but you sacrifice so much of your time, energy, resources for others that you ignore your own needs. You are for sure the person who helps everyone and is solving their problems. However, the only thing you are doing is burdening yourself by carrying their unresolved issues and also stopping them from learning the lessons they need to learn in order to grow in this lifetime. You are being asked to look after your well-being before anyone else’s. Spirt is thanking you for being so caring but now it's time for you to relax, celebrate, and allow yourself to reap the rewards for all your positive actions and intention. Also, it is important to listen openly and respectfully to people who have different beliefs than you, open communication can start real change.

In order to get the best out of this mercury retrograde, meditate as much as possible. Meditate for relaxation, for answers and for guidance. If you are able to find the perfect balance between spirituality, positivity and practicality, you will leave mercury retrograde with new love opportunities, abundance and happiness. There are major themes of wealth, abundance and new relationships in your life. People who have chosen this pile have a desire for the finer things in life and want the best of the best; Venusian energy. If you can believe it, you can achieve it. Some opportunities you are about to be given will happen once in a lifetime, but make sure you are taking action to make it happen and not just wishing on a star.

Pile 3: Dolphin 🐬

Pile 3 is for the people who live in a more Neptunian way of life. You are imaginative, live heavily in your subconscious and fantasy world. This mercury retrograde is going to force you to grow and heal your past wounds at a rapid pace. You are being called to let go of the past. That time is over. Whatever you have been clinging on to - good or bad - is long gone. The past energy is weighing you down and it is time to break free of it. You are currently living in a state of complacency. There is lots of self-neglect and dietary imbalance in this pile. Procrastinating and choosing to live in a dream world instead of dealing with the reality of your situation. You are holding yourself back and this retrograde will shake your world until you are born again. You will go through major regeneration: a rebirth. This mercury retrograde practice being present and calling your energy back into the here and now. Music is going to be very influential in your healing; it will be a safe space for you to process your thoughts and emotions as well as raising your energy when needed. Massive healing and Chiron energy in this pile. Shedding your old skin and coming out anew. By the end of it all, you will be a different person, the star of your own world. The universe is giving you a second chance to attach new opportunities you once let slip by. Forget about the past, a new start is on its way!

Make sure you gratitude for all the things in your life that make you happy and if you need guidance through this journey listen to your soul and follow the path you are being called towards. Remember that your soul choose this journey before you started your life on Earth. This moment was destined. Don't think you are unprepared and you will be lost once you decide to take action. Your soul has been training for this moment and you will know exactly what to do when the time comes. Your Guides are assisting you in this journey and they want you to have faith in yourself. Your circumstances will soon improve and your life will get so much better, don't lose hope!

69 notes · View notes

stopeatingwhales · 3 years

Text

real estate x damon albarn

THIS REQUEST WAS SO CUTE TYSM ANON <333

Pairing: 1998 damon albarn x reader

Warnings: none :))

Word count: 3.104

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

Searching for a home to share with your partner is one of the most fulfilling yet extremely stressful experiences. To prior discussion and awareness of the reciprocity of feelings you have for one another, a mutual agreement is conformed in the idea of wanting to invest in a space where you both can start anew, and begin a segment in your lives which in hope can progress until the very last breath. From being in a relationship with Damon for quite a significant amount of time - and having him inhabit my apartment for many a year - it was quite transparent that we had both worn out the flat, to the point that it was wearing us down. To be able to start fresh, in a new space, grants the ability of us to create the life that we had always manifested together - notwithstanding the fact that we had loved where we had lived at the time, it was simply the element of growth and the need for a change between our relationship. As you get older, mature more into your thirties, simple doings like getting drunk every friday night after a long, dragging day of work and intoxicating your body with countless shots of pure ethanol, losing all ability of processing any cognitive skill, becomes more of an impediment than going out to release the burden placed on your shoulders from the entire week of pure hindrance - and not to mention the hangovers. If we had perpetuated ourselves in the same routine that had been occupied as long as the decade induced in our twenties lasted, not only would it morph a lifestyle of monotonous sadness, but it leaves no ground for the chance to mature, the chance to experience all else that this world, this life can provide. It defeats the purpose of life, as existence is never steady; it is a continuous development between life stages, and an inevitability. To not accept the philosophy of life, proves a lack of purpose in your existence. Life is fleeting from the moment a baby opens its mouth for its first cry, and to distract one’s self from the thought of the end, we comply with life as it blossoms.

Me and Damon were visiting the second home that the real estate agent had been showing us. It was beautiful; a much larger space in comparison to the apartment we had in the heart of Camden - a place where the life of the party never comes to a halt, so getting to sleep was quite a challenge some nights, as well as it being an actual house. We decided upon the fact that we should search for houses instead of another apartment as we had endured living in a one-floor apartment for years on end, and to be able to have more space where you could rest your feet, not have clutter at every corner of the room, would be a dream. As I wandered around the upstairs floor, I walked into the master room, where I had found Damon standing, gazing out of the window which conveyed the most picturesque landscape of freshly cut grass, accompanied with the sun’s glisten to allow the richness of the green pigment to blossom even more. It felt like a stupor admiring the beauty that was portrayed forth, like an over emphasised memory from your childhood, in which every little thing seemed to be so enticing, full of pure feelings of euphoria, where there had been not a care in the world for anything except your own - merely just that significant moment that had been playing out. From the repetitive reminiscence towards those specific memories, things seem to feel a little more bright, full, happy, than it had been before, as if it was your mind toying with the fact that you may not feel as elated as you were when everything had been handed to you from unconditional love and care. “What do you think of it?” I asked Damon, as I sat myself on the mattress laid on the bed frame.

His figure didn’t move from his admiration of the nature. “It’s alright,” he mumbled, just audible, before stepping away from the window and turning to face me, his back now resting against the warm glass surface. He seemed quite uninterested with the house itself, which had happened with the house we visited beforehand. All he seemed to do was pull faces or rest on the couch after looking around a couple times. “Let’s go visit the last place, see if we get anything better.” A hint of annoyance had been laced in his words, confusing me slightly. I had the urge to question him, see if there was anything bothering him, or if he had begun to doubt wanting to get a house together. The simple thought had shattered my heart a little, as if it had been trodden on by accident, though accidental pain seems to hurt the most. Attempting to brush the everlasting thought away from my mind, I nodded slightly, getting up from the mattress and walking out of the room with him.

As we reached the last property, it had only seemed as if things had gotten progressively worse in Damon’s demeanour. He walked around the building alongside me, leaving snide comments here and there about specific things that didn’t appeal to him from the interior. However, the home that had been presented to us seemed almost perfect for the both of us, a place that was created out of the utmost creativity and affection for the right couple to walk in and begin their lives together. This home was illustrated to have your heart sink into the ground, seep into the mud underneath as if it were quick sand and completely engulf your mind with it, a hypnosis so intense that regardless of the pricing you would sign any form sent your way. By having been with Damon for the past couple years, I knew him more than a reasonable amount to understand that there had been something else causing him to project such a detest towards our property-searching the entire day. There was not a single flaw in the architecture, as if the residence had been created as a welcome to Eden’s garden subsequent to your soul’s departure, except it had been built in the wrong heaven. A single step in the building had your jaw cascading to the wooden flooring, your mouth empty yet so brimmed with compliments, mesmerisation aching to escape your throat, though you could not muster any form of ability since it had been utterly hushed by the construction’s elegance that you didn’t want to damage any part from speaking, even in a mere whisper.

“What do you think of it?” I asked, my mind gaining déjà vu from the question I had repeated at every residence we had stepped forth into. We were wandering around the kitchen, which had an island separating it to the living room. It was a very large, open space, and the thought of not dividing rooms with brick walls, like the kitchen and living room, having them conjoined except separated with a countertop was very thoughtful. It removed the feeling of being trapped into such a small room, needing to wander through many doors twisting knobs and pushing the wooden frames in order to get into another corner of the premises, and made living much more free and easy. It's extremely draining by living in a space for many a year that it begins to close in on you, as if every single time you walked in it had gotten tighter, more smaller.

Turning my gaze to watch Damon wander around the living side of the room, I placed my hands on the countertop, sucking my cheek in as I attempted to think of something that may be bothering him, minus the stress of the entire house hunt we were doing today. Stress from work? Perhaps he got into an argument with a friend? Got up on the wrong side of bed? It was a pure mystery. My gaze was fixed on him until he connected eyes with me, a hand placed on his neck as his fingers grazed the back of it lightly, an attempt to relax himself. “It’s the nicest one we’ve visited,” he replied, walking over to me slowly, also scanning the large room as he did. “The amount of detail that went into designing this is mad.”

A small smile crept up on my lips as he stopped by the countertop, that now being the only thing in which dividing us at that point. “It’s perfect for us, don’t you think?” I asked quietly, admiring the craftwork that had been delicately carved into the ceiling.

“I think we should think over what we want before we make that decision,” he replied as our gazes matched once again. Looking up at him, a confused expression spread out on my face, but before I was able to speak up he had carried on. “Don’t take that the wrong way, but I don’t want us to rush into things and have us regretting something we could’ve easily thought of if we gave ourselves time.”

“We have spoken it out, haven’t we?” I questioned him, now taking a step back and folding my arms together. Everything about Damon today felt so off, the thought of him not wanting to share a place with me sinking into my thoughts again as I tried my hardest to battle it out of my mind. “You agreed that it was time for us to search for something new, together, and that’s what we’re doing, is it not?”

An exasperated sigh left his lips as he stared at the ground. At this point I had begun to get frustrated with his overall mood - this was supposed to be a fun experience together, but the feeling of him weighing the cons was more visible than his thought of the pros. “I don’t want to argue here, let’s just keep looking around.”

The build-up to the argument had seemingly debunked itself, at Damon’s command. Indeed, we carried on looking around, though this time I had decided to admire the place alone, which had been made very clear when I had pushed past him, not with much strength to cause damage, but enough to cause a point once I left the room. The upstairs floor was no different in beauty and elegance as the ground floor embodied. It would be a simple wonder to think how much time, dedication would be taken into creating such a masterpiece; it was so magnificent that you’d practically feel guilty for stepping foot inside. Glad I took my shoes off once I walked in, then.

After spending what seemed like all eternity having my eyes fixated on the embellishment surfaced all around, picturing what furniture would suit in far right corner, the middle of the room, what would hang on the wall, I headed to the ground floor, refreshing my memory of the delicacy that had been portrayed everywhere. My pace was slow, as if my mind was taking mental pictures of the palace to be able to look back in my memories for later, when me and Damon would discuss which place suited us the most. The market was quite tight at the minute, seemingly every person in the industry and in our lives growing up and deciding upon starting new chapters of their lives, which is why we were extremely lucky to be able to have such a place offered to us at the minute, surprising as it had not been taken by some conservative wanting to waste their money on a place where they probably wouldn’t walk inside. I saw the estate agent in the living room, who immediately made eye contact with me as I stepped into the room, a grin spreading out across her cheeks almost instantaneously. “Nice, right?”

“Oh, it’s absolutely beautiful,” I replied back, engaging myself in the ceiling’s artwork once again, thinking for a moment before choosing the right thing to reply. My thoughts had then been distracted from Damon’s footsteps heading towards the pair of us. He stood beside me as I gazed up at him, swallowing lightly before I knew what to say. “I think we’re going to head home and think about everything first, before we make any big decisions.” I added, my gaze never leaving Damon’s side profile.

“That’s completely alright, you have until the end of the week to make your decision, I’ll put this place on a reserve.” She replied, followed by our thanks as we walked out of the elegant building and headed home.

~~~

Me and Damon hardly spoke after we got home as I needed to finish up some work that was overdue from my job. Damon had nothing else planned for the rest of the night, so he stayed in the living room, providing no extra distraction for me to prevent any extra pressure or stress so I could be able to complete everything as quickly as possible. I overheard the television in the background, and the occasional phone ring, every call being for Damon it seemed as his deep voice followed after the repetitive rings of the phone line had come to an end. Oftentimes I envied his freedom due to his occupation being a musician, however a lot of the time his job seemed quite enclosing and tiring. Having to constantly be away from home, not being able to have an easy way of stability from the constant movement to a different country every couple of days, sometimes even every single day. Though, arriving in a new country every morning does seem quite fun.

After I had finished up all my work, I changed into my pyjamas and headed to the living room, welcoming me to the sight of Damon, who had now dozed off on the couch, his hair quite messy from shuffling around in the same spot, his skin illuminating a golden glow, courtesy to the warm light being omitted from the lampshade beside him. Part of me didn’t want to wake him due to how relaxed he looked, though I knew he would be more comfortable waking up on a mattress rather than an old leather couch. I turned the television off, quietly tiptoeing around his sleepy body, then crouched down slightly to shake Damon so he would wake up. “Come to bed, love.” I whispered, causing his eyelids to flutter open softly as he stretched his arms out unintentionally, conveying his exhaustion, a small smile spread out across his lips once he was greeted by me in his sight. Helping him get up, I allowed him to walk into our bedroom in front of me, turning the light off after we both left the room. There was no light on in the bedroom, except the shine of the moon seeping onto the bed covers due to the curtains never being shut. Once we both made ourselves comfortable under the duvet, we turned our bodies to look at one another's, Damon’s tired eyes evident due to the eyebags surrounding them, though he was more awake now after moving around a little. “I know you’re tired, but what was wrong with you today?” I asked quietly, regretting speaking as soon as the sentence had rolled off my tongue.

A large sigh escaped his throat before mustering a response towards my asking. “I’ll be honest, the houses were very nice, but I didn’t like any of them.”

“None of them? How come?” I replied, attempting not to raise my voice out of shock.

“Because I want to start this part of our lives with a house big enough for us to raise children,” he admitted, staring deeply into my eyes. “I want the perfect house for us, but I haven’t been able to find it at all, and it’s so frustrating.”

A grin spread across my face as I reached to embrace his face with both my hands. "Damon, it doesn't matter the style of the doors, how big the living room is, or whether there's two or three bathrooms," I began, allowing my thumbs to lightly graze over his cheeks. “What matters is enjoying our time together, and the lives that we'll lead together as parents, raising our children,” A large beam spread across his face from my reassurance, compelling me to give him a soft peck on the lips before carrying on. "If you can picture the house of your dreams, it isn't your dream house. Your dream house is something that you shouldn't be able to picture, something that you can't fixate upon in specific, because it carries such beauty that you will only know you have achieved, once you've got it."

“Does that apply to everything?” he asked, mumbling, his voice now soft as if the love of the moment had been seeping out of his mouth.

“I’d say so, yeah.”

“Then that means I’ve got the girl of my dreams.”

“Oh shut it you softie.”

“What? It’s true, love.”

“I can’t wait to start a family with you.” I mumbled absentmindedly, a light sigh leaving my mouth, repeating all that had just happened these past couple minutes.

“Likewise, darling,” he replied, bringing his lips to my face to kiss my temples gently, the feeling of his kiss lingering on the skin, my heart filled with pure elation and adoration for the man in front of me. “Spoke to your mum today.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, she called whilst you were doing your work so I just told her you were busy, then she decided on having a conversation with me instead,” he replied, taking a hold of my hand and playing with my fingers, his gaze focused on the action. “I love your mum.”

A laugh rumbled out of my throat. “You say that every time you speak to her.”

“Wow, I can’t believe I love your mum more than you do.” he jokingly replied.

“What?” I scoffed, a smile spread on my lips. “I never said that!”

“Well you certainly implied it.” he joked, raising his eyebrows as he awaited a response.

“Shut up, go to sleep.” I laughed, partly serious as the fatigue from all the walking we had done began to kick in my body.

“Only if you give me a kiss.”

“I just did!” I answered back, shifting my body so my back was to him.

“You’re the worst.” he replied, annoyance laced between his words, causing my smile to widen.

“Thanks, lovely.”

#this was so cute guys im dead #keep sending requests :)#damon albarn x reader #britpop #blur #blur band #90s #nineties #my writing #fluff #damon albarn #band imagines

78 notes · View notes

softinkshadows · 4 years

Text

Shingeki no Kyojin Astrology: sun-moon-rising combinations

I was looking around tumblr for detailed astrology speculations of my fave anime characters, but there aren't that many! Being q well-versed in astro myself, i thought why not do my own version (very spoiler-free, don’t worry)! I followed the birth dates given by isayama:

Eren Jaeger - Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising Aside from the fact that he can be hotheaded and impulsive, Eren's feelings of vengeance run deep and explosive. Remember that time he was chained to the bed after the attack on trost, and his eyes were wild with the need to violently eradicate all titans? He's so tenacious and emotionally stubborn too (a Scorp moon trait) to the point of being closed off from everyone else, especially towards the end where he seems to take the weight of the world's burden on his own shoulders. And all for the sake of protecting his community and ensuring the safety of his friends for the rest of their lives. His comrades and family are his motivation. This is his Cancer rising steering his life.

Mikasa Ackerman - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising "Look that moody brat is running off on her own again." Mikasa is similar to Eren in her impulsiveness and determination, but different in two ways- what they aim to protect and their extent of fearlessness. Eren is aware of his own weaknesses and helplessness, but Mikasa's amazing physical prowess makes her act without any hesitation at all. She's hella fierce and driven to keep herself in shape too, doing all those sit-ups and chopping firewood post-injury. I think she deserves a double Aries! An Aries rising means a Libra descendant too, which is reflected her whole-hearted devotion in her close partnerships (Eren and Armin). Her aquarius moon really shines thru with her stoic independence, focus and perseverance.

Armin Arlet - Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising He's the brain of the 104th cadet corps, and is second to Erwin in terms of strategy! An intelligent planner with low self-esteem often found second guessing his own analytical abilities, Armin is a true blue Virgo moon. His emotional self stands out the most from the main three protagonists - Eren & Mikasa mostly express anger and desperation, whereas Armin is usually shrouded in fear and worry. He's a very soft bb, hence the Pisces rising, not to mention he gets so dreamy imagining the sea, the vast plains, and the magical world beyond the walled universe he knows. A spiritually-attuned and curious explorer :")

Levi Ackerman - Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising Levi is such a complex person, thanks to Isayama's brilliance. Like many Cap suns, Levi is authoritative, cold and incredibly savage. That's not to say he doesn't feel anything either. Levi is an evolved Scorp moon (maybe even moon in 11th house) because his feelings are never for himself, but he hurts so much for others - you can tell every death hits him so hard, but he doesn't show this to anyone else. He also exudes this quietly intimidating aura of natural competence, a common characteristic of this sun-moon combo. He can take things personally as well (re: height issues) but it never snowballs into more than passing irritation. The turbulence of his emotions and habit for violence is balanced out by his earthy Virgo rising, which is emotionally subdued, quite thin and delicate in physique, and super neurotic and nitpicky when it comes to cleanliness and health. Cap, Virgo and Scorp are some of the most guarded signs, and a combi of all 3 are hellish. You can tell this poor beautiful man is always caught between feeling and thinking, between maintaining his humanity and forsaking it.

Erwin Smith - Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Leo rising In another life, Erwin Smith would be the damn CEO of a global conglomerate because he oozes so much charisma. Hell if charisma were energy Erwin Smith would be its prime, eternally renewable source. His stature alone is so commanding, and I find some strong Leonine traits in his thickset physique, strong eyebrows, beautiful hair, and that way he shouted in full glory atop wall Rose in that one episode to the cheering masses below. He might be a Libra sun, diplomatic in political affairs, but his Capricorn moon is what drives his decisions. Cap moon has a rep for being cold and unemotional, but i believe they are way more than that! Cap moons rarely boast about their long list of achievements, instead looking forward to the next goal. They struggle with emotional expression, and are super driven and disciplined. Erwin is capable of making the hardest decisions, putting aside emotions to strive for an abstract ideal, and this is to be expected of the commander who takes on the role of the devil.

Hange Zoe - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Gemini rising All hail our favourite mad scientist!! Hange is such a breath of fresh air in the Survey Corps, balancing out the heaviness of missions with their wacky tales of titan research and experimentation. Their penchant for study and higher knowledge is typical of a Sagittarius moon, who is drawn to advanced academic study and spiritual truths. It's also a lighthearted and optimistic sign, true to Hange's upbeat personality. The Virgo in them contributes to their sheer intelligence and obsessiveness with research subjects. We also know they LOVE to talk, and once Eren asks Hange about experiments, they cannot stop (Gemini governs communication). Virgo, Sag and Gemini are the most intellectual signs, and because they are mutuable Hange tends to follow orders rather than give them, making it difficult to adapt to their new role towards the end of the series. Mutable signs also means rapidly-changing emotional states, and a whole lot of chaos, which suits our beloved squad leader.

Jean Kirstein - Aries sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising Our third Aries on the list ohmygod. The snk universe is full of feisty hotheads. Jean is always seen clashing with Eren, fuelled by Eren's closeness with Mikasa and his own adorable jealousy. I mean, they had a full on fist fight right after dinner in the mess hall, although everything went downhill after the first few punches. Our first impression of Jean during his cadet days is coloured by his desire to work in the interior, and this favour for material safety and wealth is perhaps common to a Taurus rising. Also, Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and harmony, and thus often figures in the charts of artists. If you've seen Jean's drawing skills in that special episode, you'll know that his artistic abilities are the finest we have seen, exceeding even that of isayama himself. Jean's strong principles such as being averse to killing people and oftentimes cynical nature, is also characteristic of the moral and cautious Virgo moon.

Sasha Braus - Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising Not all Leos are showmans. Sasha is the type of Leo who displays more of the quirky, unabrashed personality suited to her opposite sister sign Aquarius. Authority doesn't exist when food comes into play, as we see when she breaks potato with Shadis and later steals a slab of meat from the officer's warehouse. Unlike the visual artistry that Jean possesses with his Taurus rising, Sasha's Taurus centers around her love for food, and hell she can have fiery determination for it (rmb the wild night she mistook Jean's hand for meat?). I love that both of them were pitted with each other in that cooking special episode. I considered placing her as a Taurus moon, but Taurus moons are usually steadier and classier in emotion, whereas Sasha is often breezy, gets nervous and chaotic, with stellar intuition, making her likely a Gemini moon.

Connie Springer - Taurus sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising Although not much attention is paid to Connie's growth, his character development reminds me a lot of Aang from ATLA. Cheery and happy-go-lucky at first, before the incident with his mother made him more prone to feelings of anger and vengeance, especially near the later chapters. His strong protective bond with his mother is what compels me to say he is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is very homebody and drawn to family and traditions. His goofy self and him referring to Sasha as "his twin" puts him as the spunky Gemini rising, another sign he shares with her.

Reiner Braun - Leo sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising Aside from his natural leader personality (Leonine), Reiner likes to take on the persona of the big brother of the group. His outward stoicism, decisiveness and task-oriented nature is typical of a Cap rising, who is often serious and solemn in appearance. He reminds me of that Cap rising workaholic who does his best in a corporate organization, working 9 to 5 plus overtime as it fulfills his sense of purpose. Beyond his stoic facade reveals a more troubled personality. Like a Pisces moon, Reiner is impressionable, and it's difficult to tell if his emotions and personalities are his own, wavering and absorbing traits from those around him. His internal war with his identity and the ensuing fatigue characterises him during the second half of the series.

Annie Leonhart - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising Annie is the kind of Aries that is so motivated to achieve her goals that everything else is sidelined, including her own emotions. She's quite ruthless in chasing her objectives, and her composure, focus and endurance is highlighted with an Aquarius moon. I'm guessing she has a 4th house influence somewhere because of her motivations to go home to her father and lead a normal life. I find the daintiness and delicateness of her features similar to Levi, who is also a Virgo rising. The Virgo effect also registers as a brutal, unfiltered honesty (also seen in Levi), and Annie doesn't hesitate to speak the truth about her own or her opponent's capabilities.

Other characters which I won't go into much detail about:

Bertholdt Hoover - Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising Bertholdt is quiet with an unobtrusive personality. His lack of supposed iniative and aggression can perhaps be attributed to the mutuability of Virgo and Pisces, which goes with the flow instead of charging forward. He keeps his feelings to himself, but reacts when the people he wants to protect are threatened.

Historia Reiss - Capricorn sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising Historia initially lives for the sake of others (esp Ymir), and is more co-dependent than many of her other squadmates. She also tends to put up a front of pleasantness, afraid of disappointing or offending people. She has a strong tie to family, and a profound sense of duty.

Ymir - Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, Aries rising Ymir is extremely astute when it comes to evaluating human behaviour. The religiosity of her background is also usually found in this sun-moon combination, which tends to attract paths of strong spirituality. She also has a bold and noble sacrificial streak for the sake of her companions.

Zeke Jaeger - Leo sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising A headstrong, intelligent and radical character. In a way similar to Erwin in his ruthlessness, but emotionally darker and much more sinisterly private.

Kenny Ackerman - Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon

Rod Reiss - Virgo sun, Libra moon

Dot Pixis - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon

Hannes - Capricorn sun, Taurus moon

#snk astrology #snk #aot astrology #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #anime astrology #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlet #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #jean kirstein #sasha braus #connie springer #reiner braun #annie leonhart #bertholdt hoover #historia reiss

163 notes · View notes

inskz · 4 years

Text

lucky charm - lee minho

pairing - lee minho x reader

genre - college!au, best friends to lovers, very cliche fluff (lucky girl starring lindsey lohan kinda vibes???)

words - 4k

note - this is just a cute little drabble i wrote while im still waiting for my covid test results to come back so that i can leave my room and see the sun again 🤪 pls be careful everybody take care of your health 💚 enjoy!!!

- - - - -

“You must be kidding me,” you sigh when you see Minho’s hand has turned into a fist, his rock crushing miserably your scissors. Once again, you lost at rock, paper, scissors. And once again, you’re the one that is going to wash your best friend’s dishes that have piled up in is tiny kitchen sink throughout the week.

“Fuck that. This is so unfair,” you grumble, throwing the dishtowel in Minho’s stupid yet perfectly chiseled face.

You make a beeline for his bed, which is actually only a few steps away from the kitchen. Being a broke college student definitely doesn’t allow him to rent a spacious studio, let alone a two-room apartment. You throw yourself headfirst onto his uncomfortable mattress, whose springs always poke your back at night.

“Life is so unfair,” your friend mocks you, dragging out every vowel of his sentence dramatically.

No doubt, you would be strangling him at that very moment if you weren’t so busy playing dead, hoping he would forget about your pitiful existence.

But there is no way mister Lee Minho would miss out on an opportunity to have his gross plates cleaned by someone else. Grabbing onto your ankle, he drags you out of bed until you plop down on the dirty carpeted floor (Minho has the unfortunate tendency to procrastinate vacuuming too). At this point, you are fake crying, throwing a literal tantrum, like a 6 years old child would.

“Life is unfair!” you yell, your feet kicking in the air in pure anger.

At least it is to you. You can’t remember the last time you’ve been lucky. The only instance you got remotely close to it was when you found a four-leaf clover last summer. Well, only if you disregard the fact you stepped into dog poop on your way to picking it. Oh and that you were wearing brand new white Converse.

On the other hand, it seems like the boy has the whole crew of the Olympus gods on his side. Not one day goes by without his guardian angel manifesting its presence.

Minho has always been the lucky type. The type to get an extra nugget in his box of 10. To find 20 dollars bills on the ground. To win every single Instagram giveaway he participates to (and lord knows how much he likes participating to them).

But how can you be mad at him when he always happily shares his food with you, invites you to the restaurant without you even asking, and gives you his prizes, pretending he doesn’t need them? You don’t believe him when he says he see no use in a panda onesie or a waterproof bluetooth speaker. Deep down, you know it’s his way to silently love you.

But well, you can still blame him for occasionally taking advantage of your misfortune to make you do his dreaded house chores, just like right now.

Everyone thinks you are a bizarre duo. Even you can’t fathom how in hell you two became best friends, considering how awfully your first encounter went three years ago.

On orientation day, he asked you for the time, probably because his phone was dead (or maybe because he was dying to talk to you?)

Without hesitation, you lifted and rotated your wrist so that you could see your watch. Little did you remember; you never actually owned a watch and you were holding a fancy 7 dollars iced coffee, which, of course, did not have a lid on because plastic is bad for the environment (duh).

Minho couldn’t help but burst out in hysterical laughter when the whole drink spilled on your jeans. For your defense, you didn’t sleep at all the night before since you were terrified of being alone in your new dorm room the first few days (weird stuff happens all the time in dorms, okay?). If he had asked you for your name, you probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell him.

But Minho thought you were the funniest person on campus, and he really needed a clown like you to entertain him throughout his endless college semesters. That’s what he told you anyways. Not that he thought you were the cutest human being he had ever seen.

Why would he when you are the literal definition of a mess: always having toothpaste stains on your sweater, bags under your eyes, messy hair, tripping and falling, missing buses, breaking things, losing stuff.

Most of the time, you just forget your keys and Minho lets you crash at his place since he hasn’t got any roommate and he isn’t used to sleeping alone, especially without his cats. It surely isn’t because he loves waking up next to a very groggy but adorable you every single morning, no.

Minho manages to bring you back to the countertop despite your reluctance. Positioned behind you, his arms trapping your body to make sure you can’t run away from your duties, he dips your hands into the soapy water, and you can’t help but squirm at the touch of an unknown substance sticking to a plate that has probably been soaking here for a week. You despise doing the dishes and your friend knows it.

You hear him giggle in your ear while he is playing with your arms like you are some type of marionette, making you to take the sponge and squeeze dish soap onto it.

You’ve never been the kind to like proximity nor seemed to be Minho, but for some reason, you always end up glued to each other. You hate public displays of attention and pet names a little less when it comes from him. Or maybe you don’t hate it at all and actually crave it every single minute that goes by.

Before he has the time to come up with the Machiavellian idea to soak your pajamas in dirty water (because you know he would inevitably have at some point), you yank his hands off of you and start scrubbing angrily the dirty cups.

Minho stays behind you anyways, observing your every move, his chin propped up on your shoulder like a curious little bird. To be honest, his presence is kind of getting overwhelming. But whatever, it’s not like his slightest touch makes your heart warm up in comfort or that he smells like fresh linen drying out on the porch of a cottage house on a sunny Sunday morning or anything.

“You missed a spot. Here” he murmurs teasingly, his lips almost touching your earlobe, while he points at the handle of his hideous ‘world’s greatest dad’ mug Jisung gifted him last christmas.

You know he has noticed the way you shivered violently at the feeling of his breath tickling your skin because he starts snickering loudly.

“I swear to god if you don’t shut up and go seat on the couch, I’ll slap you so hard with this spatula you’ll regret you were even born,” you say, turning around suddenly to menace him with the plastic utensil.

Of course, he isn’t afraid one bit. Right now, you really wish you could make the smug, but oh so attractive, look on his face disappear.

“Alright, ma’am” he laughs, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll let you do your thing”. He lets himself fall onto his dingy couch.

You can hear him humming one of his favorite songs above the sound of the water running. It would probably be getting on your nerves if his voice wasn’t so pretty.

“Chan’s sick, so we’re not going to the gym tomorrow night. Do you wanna eat tacos? El Huero has even better deals than usual” he asks you, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

“Aren’t the deals supposed to be on Tuesdays?” You frown and scrub a little harder the frying pan Minho has burnt the night before while trying to make chocolate chips pancakes for diner, because why eat savory food when you can have dessert for every meal, right? It is one of the few advantages of living without your parents you both truly enjoy.

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Tomorrow,” he yawns, probably exhausted after what you put him through last night. You forced him to catch up on the entire season of Love Island because you desperately needed someone to bitch with, and what better partner than Lee Minho.

You take a quick glance at him and see him stretching himself across the cushions like a cat. You always thought there was something feline about his features. While you’re drying the mugs with the dishtowel, your mind wanders uncontrollably, thinking about his piercing eyes, his delicate nose, the corners of his lips that curl up a little…

All of the sudden, your hands freeze. Minho is too immersed in TikToks to notice the stupor on your face. “Wait. Today is… Monday?” you stutter.

Alarmed by the sound of your voice, his eyes finally leave his phone’s screen to look up at you. “Yeah” he repeats slowly as if you are the dumbest person he has ever encountered.

And you truly are. You are pretty sure your heart has stopped beating. Minho’s “world’s greatest dad” mug you’re holding slips between your fingers and comes crashing on the floor with a deafening sound. The pieces are now scattered all around you, making you unable to make out what’s written on it anymore. Not a big loss, if you ask.

“Y/N, you know that’s my favorite mug!” he exclaims, leaping up from the couch. “I’m sure you did it on purpose,” he mutters while he’s trying to collect the small fragments, in vain.

But you’re too shocked at this very moment to pay attention to the glare your friend is giving you. To be honest, Minho has only two moods: glaring at you or teasing you.

“My interview,” you finally manage to say, and Minho’s eyes go wide as he realizes the critical situation you’re in.

You check the time on the microwave: 10:45. In 30 minutes, you’re supposed to be on the other side of town, being interrogated by boring businessmen that are going to decide whether or not you’ll be accepted for a paid internship in one of the most reputable music label of the country. Basically, decide whether you’ll live a happy and fulfilling life, working in the sector you’ve always dreamed of or end up miserable with a boring office job and a massive college debt.

“Holy shit,” Minho whispers. You can see a wave of panic washing across his face for a split second, but, as always, he manages to find his composure back immediately.

He has never been the kind to lose his cool, except to scold you when you forget the names of his cats and their respective coats’ color (which you unfortunately often did forget).

“What are you doing? Get dressed!” He tells you when he sees you’re still standing there dumbfounded in the kitchen, like the famous Robert Pattinson meme, wearing an oversize Kermit the frog shirt with a dozen holes in it and his favorite Adidas sweatpants you always stole from him.

“No, it’s too late. I can’t make it,” you mutter, your breath short. You’re paralyzed, as if there is a 20lbs rock sitting at the bottom of your stomach, pinning you to the ground.

This isn’t bad luck, you think. This is karma. This is what you get for skipping classes to watch telereality shows in your bed with your best friend and not even realizing it isn’t the weekend anymore.

“Miss me with that bullshit.” He runs to his closet and rummages through his drawers, throwing every piece of clothing that’s on his way to find an appropriate outfit that would fit you.

“You’re gonna go do this interview even if I have to drag you all the way there.” He pushes you into his bathroom since you still haven’t moved an inch.

You manage to brush your teeth and your hair, fighting through the nauseous feeling that is building up in your tummy.

When you come back to the living room, Minho has found dress pants and a sweater that might not look utterly ridiculous on you. He lets you change in a corner, while he runs around the room collecting all your essentials.

“You’re coming?” you ask him when you see he is already wearing his puffer jacket.

“You really think I’m gonna let you go all by yourself when you’re literally not even able to put your shoes on properly”. You are, indeed, struggling with your laces, as if your fingers are suddenly made out of butter.

Minho ties them up for you and you literally feel like he’s your babysitter. You know you’re gonna hear about this for months – what are you saying- years! But all you can think about at the moment though, is the fact that sneakers are definitely not appropriate for an interview.

He throws your warmest coat at you, grab his keys, and by some type of miracle, you’re both out to the door in less than 10 minutes.

You try to call the elevator, but Minho grabs your arm and leads you to the staircase. His hand never leaving yours, he runs down the stairs and you have no choice but to follow him as fast as you can.

You can’t count how many times you missed a step and fell at this particularly slippery spot, between the 5th and the 4th floor, but weirdly enough, it doesn’t happen today.

When you finally reach the ground floor, you exit the complex and Minho hops on his old and rusty bike that he had attached to nearest tree the night before.

“There’s no way I’m riding behind you on this death machine,” you laugh nervously. The memory of that one time Minho convinced you to seat into his bicycle basket (as if you could even realistically fit in it) and you both fell seconds after he started to pedal is coming back to your mind.

Sure, it was after a long night of drinking, you were both tipsy and it was the only way to get you home since you had spent all your uber money at the bar, but still! You’re pretty sure the bruise on your butt hasn’t disappeared to this day.

“Hurry up,” Minho groans, ignoring your complaint. You unwillingly seat on his flimsy pannier rack and wrap your arms around his torso.

You haven’t even left, yet you’re already holding onto his puffer jacket for dear life. A giggle escapes your friend’s mouth (which you think is very inappropriate in such a desperate situation) before he lifts his feet off the ground and starts pedaling.

You try to ignore the loud squeaking of the bicycle drive by shutting your eyes tighter and rehearsing your introduction you have prepared over and over in your head. No matter how hard you are trying, you can’t remember what you are supposed to say just after your age (which, as you can imagine, isn’t really far into your monologue).

By the way the wind is lashing your face, you can tell Minho has picked up the speed. His breathing is getting louder, his heartbeat faster and you can’t help but think you’re probably way too heavy for him to bike you around like that. Maybe he shouldn’t skip his gym sessions with Chan so often. Or maybe you shouldn’t have eaten the leftover pancakes for breakfast after all.

You find the courage to open your eyelids and are pleased to see you’re already halfway there, probably because every single one of the traffic lights you encounter is green, and your friend is going surprisingly fast. Is luck finally starting to smile upon you?

Your mad race comes to a halt when you reach the address of your interview. You hop off the bike and so does Minho who, by the way, is a panting mess. He’s barely able to catch his breath, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, but he’s beaming at you when he realizes you’re just on time.

“Go” he gasps, pushing you in the direction of the building’s hall.

You walk up to the glass door but as your hands are about to push it, you pull a 180. Your friend sighs loudly, already knowing what’s coming next.

“Wait. No. I can’t do this. I’m not prepared” you tell him frantically. “I’m freaking out. I think I’m gonna pass out.” You are now walking in circles, mumbling incoherently.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Your heart is racing in your chest and your hands are getting clammy at the simple thought of failure. But guess what? You can’t fail if you don’t even try! One more good reason to just go back to bed and forget about your sad life for a good 8 hours, right?

“Y/N, you’re the most talented person I know, you’re gonna do just fine” Minho catches you in his arm to stop your endless pacing. You would probably think this gesture is endearing if it wasn’t just meant to make sure you couldn’t run for your life.

“No, I’m not. What if I throw up in front of everybody like that one time during the Romeo and Juliet musical?” You look up at him and his face is only inches away from yours. You’re sure you would be swooning at how beautiful he looks if you weren’t so terrified at this very moment.

“You were nine,” your best friend says, and you swear you have never heard him speak to you in such a sweet tone before. His voice is like honey and lavander but it doesn’t soothe you like it should.

You manage to break free from his embrace to crouch down, in an attempt to slow down your breathing. If only you had data left, you could be watching those short relaxing videos on your phone. They always work. But no, you had to spent it all on online games, just one week into the month. You really are beyond help.

“Y/N I know you’re scared, but if you miss out on this opportunity, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life.” Minho is lowering himself so that you can hear him, even though you’re curled up in a ball.

“And I’m warning you, I won’t want to hear you complain about it,” he adds, this whole situation obviously starting to get on his nerves.

If you were him, you would have probably left a long time ago. But this isn’t your best friend’s way of behaving. You know he would never abandon you no matter how annoying you could be (and you could be very annoying sometimes). After all, he is always the one holding your hair while you puke in the toilets when you had a couple too many drinks.

It takes all your willpower to stand up but there is no other way, you have to do it. You can hear the time ticking dangerously in your mind, as if your brain had turned into a clock.

“You’re right. Slap me,” you say, looking at him straight in the eyes, dead serious.

“Wha -“

“Slap some sense into me. They do that in movies when people are panicking. It’s like throwing a bucket of cold water in someone’s face. But clearly we don’t have a bucket and we don’t have cold wa- “ you start blabbering.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not gonna slap you!” Your friend isn’t usually that horrified at the thought of beating your ass. In fact, he has felt the desire to rip your head off more than once, especially when you’d steal all the duvet at night, but at this moment he is just scared you might have actually lost your mind.

“Just fucking do it Minho!” you scream, your hands clenching the front of his grey hoodie he always looks so divine in.

Minho has never obeyed you, and this is not the day he is going to start.

He puts both of his hands on the sides of your face and crashes his lips onto yours.

You would be lying if you said you have never imagined the day your best friend would kiss you. It happens pretty much every single time you look at his cute pout a little too long. But one thing is certain, it isn’t like you pictured it to be at all.

You were convinced your heart would go so wild it would burst out of your chest and your head would spin so furiously you’d lose your balance. You thought your stomach would fill with butterflies to the brim and your whole body would be on fire.

But none of that is happening. On the contrary, every single muscle in your body relaxes under his touch. The way his soft mouth presses gently against yours makes you calmer, almost at peace amongst all this turmoil.

Minho is kissing all your tension and stress away and you catch yourself letting a sigh of relief escape your parted lips.

As if you have kissed him already hundreds of times in your past life, Minho feels like home. He’s a safe haven you can always take refuge in during troubled times. Ever since the day you met, he has never left your side.

When he breaks away from the kiss, you notice your breath isn’t so ragged and your mind isn’t so foggy anymore. You’re serene. His cold hands are still cupping your face, slightly squishing your cheeks, and you feel like an idiot sandwich for asking him to slap you seconds before.

“That can work too, I guess…” you mutter.

“You’re okay?” he asks, staring at you with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen.

You just nod, unable to say one more word, and sprint to the entrance, not wanting to make your interviewers wait any longer than they already have.

“Good luck!” You hear him yell just before the door closes behind you and you can’t help but grin from ear to ear.

- - - - -

Thirty minutes later, you finally step out of the fancy lobby to find a very bored Minho leaning against a tree, patiently waiting for you.

“You’re still here?”

“Of course, I am,” he says, his mouth full of croissant. He gives you a large iced coffee he probably went buying to kill time. Your lips unconsciously curl up into a smile when you notice it comes from the same chain that the one you spilled on your lap on the day you first met him.

“How did it go?” he asks you, sticking his buttery pastry into your mouth so that you can take a bite.

“Way better than I thought” you answer, right after you swallowed. You hate the way flakes would always get stuck between your teeth. But Minho is always there to warn you about it before anyone else notices, and even pick them for you if you can’t manage to, which, when you think about it, is kind of gross.

There are two things the boy knows about you: you’re the greatest pessimist on earth and you’d rather die than admit you were wrong (especially if it meant he was right). So for you to even say it wasn’t that bad, means it went phenomenal.

“I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’ but I told you so.” He smiles so wide you can barely see his eyes anymore. You have to look away, otherwise you know you might become instantly blinded by love.

“Maybe I could use some more of your luck” you mumble, staring at your shoes and kicking the red leaves that were surrounding your feet on this sunny autumn morning.

“Really? And what makes you think I’ll share it with you,” he teases you, leaning forward to incite you to look at him in the eyes.

“That.”

Your hand finds the back of his neck and pulls him in, in order to close the space that is still left between your mouths.

At first, Minho stiffens, taken aback by your bold move. But soon enough, he caves into your touch. He kisses you back fervently, like he means it.

His fingers entagle in your hair, his arm wraps around your waist and his chest presses against your body. You’re melting in his embrace, submerged by a wave of bliss which he alone seems to know the recipe.

It feels new, yet so familiar. Like it was supposed to happen, like it was written in the stars.

He tastes like croissant and Americano. Like fortune and fate.

And you can’t help but think you’re the luckiest person on earth.

Who cares about winning the lottery when Lee Minho is your lucky charm?

470 notes · View notes

hobixboo · 3 years

Text

Autumn Leaves Appreciation

PREFACE

There are four themes for this month’s Words By Bangtan: Self-fulfilment, Memories, Festival, and Victory. Once again, while I am sure there are plenty of other words spoken and/or sung by Bangtan that conveys this message, I am going to be focusing on the song “Autumn Leaves (Dead Leaves)” from their 2015 album The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 2. This is just a paper expressing my appreciation for the themes and messages in the song, and so if my thoughts and connection seem confusing, I apologize. As before, I will try to stay as formal as possible and if anyone has any challenges to what I am going to say in this paper, please reach out to me.

Kennedy (Ken)

@hobixboo

Autumn Leaves is a song produced by SUGA (and Slow Rabbit) and was released in their 2015 EP, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Part 2. It could be that the most beautiful moment in life is youth since the album is a part of the Youth Trilogy, but it is also possible that the most beautiful moment in life can happen at any moment, even in the present (a very important theme to be talked about in this paper). My mention of SUGA being the producer of this song is important to the meaning of the song, whether intentional or not, the connection still exists.

Min Yoongi was born on March 9th which makes his birth flower a larch. In RUN BTS episode 99, when talking about Yoongi’s birth flower, the larch, they obviously bring up that it reminds them of the song “Autumn Leaves/ Dead Leaves” (00:06:01). At first, I was confused as to why they brought up the song Autumn Leaves. Since I don’t know Korean, I thought it was just because Larches are deciduous conifers; plants that normally shed in Autumn. It was not just because larches are literally “autumn leaves” but because in Korean “Larch” translates to 낙엽송. 낙엽, meaning falling leaves (which happens during autumn), and 송 which is konglish for “song”. The joke seems to be that it was fate for Yoongi to make a song about dry, autumn, falling leaves. According to Genius’ title description of the song “the actual title, “고엽 ” (ko-yeop), literally meaning dry dead leaves, is not a commonly used word. It sounds very formal, and very gloomy, and reminiscent of few dry brown dead leaves remaining at the end of autumn”. The term reminiscent was used so naturally, I looked more into that word as well. To reminisce means to indulge in enjoyable recollections of past events. Revisiting memories for the purpose of improving current mood and gaining optimism is what the song Autumn Leaves is about. The song is also about being able to go back in time, before you completely lost every bit of yourself so that you can enjoy that time, because in the present you may be barely holding on, like leaves on a tree before the end of autumn.

The song uses the connection that leaves have to a tree and almost personifies it to refer to a relationship that a person may have with most likely a significant other (indicated by the terms of endearment: “baby”, and “my/ this love” in the post-chorus). It is unknown who the significant other is but using the context that BTS has made this song, it’s possible that ARMY being an endearing significant counterpart to the lives of BTS, might be the relationship that is being referred to here, but this can have many other interpretations such as general relationships between people or the relationship within oneself. Despite the interpretation of who the speaker may be talking to, the lyrics express how hard it is to hold on given the inevitability of falling.

The reason I say falling is inevitable is not only because all leaves fall eventually in Autumn but because in BTS’ 2017 hidden track song “Sea”, there is the repetition of “wherever there’s hope, there’s despair” (doolset). Although the majority of the song pleads to not leave and to not fall, to hold onto positivity even if it is fading, Namjoon acknowledges that “my love must fall in order to rise”. I could connect this to the theme “Self-fulfilment” because this line could be saying that some relationships might need to be broken in order to improve oneself but again, the “love” being referenced in the lyrics could depend. Could the love talked about be their love of youth? Is it that letting go of the baggage from youth could make you more prosperous? While there may be hope that holding on can turn out to be worthwhile in the end, there will always be despair to tag along, but it may be more straining and stressful than letting go.

The most obvious connection that Autumn Leaves has to the Words By Bangtan themes is to the theme “Memories”. It is a word used explicitly in the lyrics (“inside my memories I become young again”- RM) but the idea of a memory is said implicitly as well (“The subtle (ambiguous) difference from how it was before”- SUGA). The song is not just about memories, but more so, positive memories that come from a particular season: Autumn Nostalgia. Nostalgia, as defined by David Ludden, is the “bittersweet emotion we experience when we think back to a past experience that was better than the life we’re currently leading”. It is possible that the fall season serves as a “retrieval cue” to bring about feelings of nostalgia (like the weather changing from hot to cold or the smell of pumpkin spice in the air). The reason I say Autumn Leaves is more positive in its recollection of memories, despite the lyrics talking about a lack of strength to hold on, is because the lyrics acknowledge that the past was better. With lines such as “I can’t catch you anymore”, “your words and expressions that become cold… our relationship is fading”, “Compared to before, tonight is much quieter”or “I want the you that wants me again”, the speaker is longing for the relationship that was warm and full of life, like the season before (relationship again being left up to interpretation (ie. longing for a self that is more full of life, whose words were less cold towards others, etc)). While remembering that there are good things in the world (and in yourself) is a good thing, it is not what Namjoon is saying we should let go of (since those memories can be self-fulfilling).

I believe Namjoon is saying not to dwell or hold onto things you know you are supposed to eventually lose. We shouldn't let our past, whether good or bad, stop us from living in the present and making new beautiful moments. This could also be why the last line of the chorus is saying “Don't go far away” instead of just “Don’t go away”. It accepts that one may have to leave but as long as they don't go far, they will be able to return. By revisiting memories and not getting caught up in them, one may be able to catch themselves from hitting the ground and completely shattering. Nostalgia can be a good thing if it makes you happy when you are feeling low, but being stuck in an unchangeable past, or on a “branch that does not shake”, one may “constantly fall on their own”. All nostalgia can do is “dampen sadness” momentarily but life still goes on. Even if life were to continue on as bad, it won't be as bad (Ludden) and like the lyrics suggest, even if you fall, you won’t fall far.

It is almost as if after acknowledging that one may need to fall in order to rise again, the repeated “never fall” at the end takes on a new meaning. Towards the end it seems more self-encouraging, almost to say “even if the present is difficult, never let yourself get to the point of shattering. Remind yourself of the most beautiful moments of your youth, but don't stay there”. With a message like this, it makes more sense as to why the song was included in the Young Forever Compilation album but also why it was placed as the second to last song on the original album (House of Cards being the outro surrounding what happens after this realization in Autumn Leaves). Right before the end of youth, BTS are reminding others (and themselves) that while youth may be over, and trials in life may seem like they are getting worse, never fall and keep yourself together a little more (House of Cards) as there is another season to look forward to.

#autumn leaves #BTS #HYYH #bangtan #words by bangtan #Wordsbybangtan #Visualization #sea #lyric appreciation #Larch #Youth #nostalgia

31 notes · View notes

calumxkisses · 3 years

Text

One Last Dance | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: angst

warnings: death and blood (not too graphic)

summary: servant!calum au x princess!reader.

a/n: hi! i’m still not really good with au imagines, i changed the request a little because i had no idea how to write someone getting beheaded. sorry for beign late and hope you like it!

you should read this imagine while listening to: the night we met

✰ ✰ ✰

“I love you.” He whispers before he closes his eyes for the last time. You see his soul leaving its body and, as much as try to shake it, you know that he’ll never wake up. His face lies on your hands, leaning against what was once the dress of your dreams, once white, now stained in red, the diamonds on the corsage reflect the hell you are experiencing as your lips cry out in pain.

His lifeless body is lying on the floor, getting colder and colder and you can't think of how it was transmitting heat just a few seconds before. The sword that took your happiness away lies next to your lover's body, its owner is now gone but you know where to find them, they rest in the same rooms where you once took refuge from nightmares and sought peace.

Peace. A word that sounds almost funny now, so taken for granted and appreciated now that it's gone.

Peace, that you felt as you were lying on the hill, far away from the castle, with your head on Calum's lap, while your hands intertwined daisies and his mouth told tales of monsters and princesses, princes and weddings.

Peace was what you felt when his hands, calloused by all the hard work done during the day, caressed your face during sleepless nights, in the dark, hidden from prying eyes and from a world that would never accept your love.

Peace was what you felt when his strong arms made you spin between laughter and kisses, in that white and gold room, on that same floor that now sees your smile transformed into pain and your kisses transformed into tears.

The crown falls from your head as you lower your face to caress his face and it makes a shrill noise, like a broken dream, and like never before you hate all those stones and all that iron. So many times you have prayed to be normal, to do a humble job, to wear old and filthy clothes and to be free to be able to look at those eyes in the sunlight, amid the laughter of children and the screams of peasant sellers, while some little girls looks at you and dreams of a love like yours, where nothing matters besides you.

You feel your heart tug, break, get stab, every second is more painful and you know that it'll never stop hurting.

The sun is rising from the window on your right, the mirror reflects the first rays of the sun that struggle to shed light in the darkness of the night.

Soon, someone will walk through the door in front of you, unaware of the love that has been interrupted and of the life that has been sacrificed for an alliance of peoples, for a stupid belief in social classes and gold, land and castles.

They will cross the threshold of that door, mentally repeating the chores to do just to see the princess cry over the body of a humble servant, too young to know things like love but grown up enough to fight for it. They will wonder what happened as they cover their shock with their hands and crouch down next to you, making sure you’re okay and telling you to dry your tears, because the people must not see the darkness that is hidden behind the castle gate.

And while their clothes will try to clean the blood from your hands, you will have to explain how the king, the man they acclaim so much, is unable to love, such a simple thing compared to the thousand daily feats for which he gets celebrated.

You will have to tell them about the way his sword pierced the heart of a young boy, unarmed and full of hope, without hesitation.

You will have to tell about the way he looked you in the eyes and the ice that surrounds his heart, how he did not care for the happiness of his daughter, the same daughter he shows and compliments in front of generals and other kings.

He was not supposed to know, not like this. Your father was supposed to see your love from your eyes and know about it from you, he was supposed to listen to you telling him how much Calum meant to you and to bless your secret marriage, not finding it out from jealous servants and interruping it with a murder because he promised you to someone else.

So you close your eyes and squeeze his body even closer to yours, its scent fills your nostrils and surrounds your body. Your mind starts wandering and you let it go, every place is better than the reality you are living.

He was just a boy! He had his whole life in front of him, he had humble dreams and a passion for life that only children have. He was passionate about what he did, he enjoyed learning new languages while cleaning horses and serving kings of distant lands, he loved playing a small instrument he had found in the garbage but which he treated as the most precious of treasures.

And no matter the time it was outside, he was able to bring sunshine even on the darkest days. He did his work with dedication, never left anything unfinished and helped others whenever needed. How were you supposed to move on?

He knew you loved the stars and had walked miles just to learn facts about astronomy from the best of astronomers so that he always had something new to tell you. He had been taught how to write so that he was able to tell you how much he loved you even when he couldn't speak. He had collected every flower on the lawn of the castle and put them in a small jar for you, so that you could admire their beauty even in winter.

And when the tears ran down your face, he had embroidered a handkerchief on purpose to be able to dry them, because such special tears could not be wasted.

As your mind wanders through the memories of his spontaneous kisses when he passed by by chance, you hear music in the distance.

The piano plays sweet melodies, surrounding the two of you like a warm blanket during a winter day. You stand at the center of the white and gold room, on the ballroom floor. Your white long gown whisks against the ground as he holds a hand in front of him.

He stands before you, looking beautiful as ever. His suit fits him perfectly, his brown eyes drawing you to him.

“My love.” He whispers with a sad smile on his face. There’s no trace of blood in his clothes and his eyes are still sparkling with life inside of them.

“Calum.” His name is the only thing you’re able to say. You know that it’s just a dream and any word won’t express enough what you’re feeling.

You don’t want to close your eyes, the fear of losing him again it's too much to even risk blinking. You can’t leave him again, you just can’t.

“Don’t be scared. You have a whole future ahead of you, love. You’ll reach your goals, make your dreams come true, you’ll have a happy life and I’ll be there, always by your side.”

“But you won’t be really there! We had so many plans for us, like that little house in the countryside and you promised me to teach our future children all the fairy tales you told me. It's not fair.”

You see a tear running down his face, his hand wipes it away but the sadness in his eyes can’t be wiped away that easily. Not anymore, not with a kiss or not with a sky full of stars. He won’t see them anymore, he won’t feel the sun on his skin or the warmth of the fireplace in your secret place, over the hill, to the right of the lake.

“You had a life ahead. We had so many things to do, so many dreams to fulfill, so many lands to explore. I can’t do this without you.”

“You can and you will. You are a bright, intelligent woman. You are capable of doing anything you want. I know we had so many dreams for us, but I'm sure you’ll manage to make them true in your own way. I will always be next to you, you will not see me but I will make sure that nothing else happens to you. You deserve to move forward, to become the woman you are meant to be. I believe in you. Now, come here, please. Let me hold you one last time.”

And you know that you can say whatever you want but any word will make him come back to you.

He takes your hand, holds your waist and pulls you closer. It’s a familiar thing for you, you’d danced this way a thousand times before, in this very room, the enchanting music enveloping your new world, just the two of you.

This time, thought, is different. He was about to fade away forever, you’d have to leave him behind, his smile would never bring joy to your life anymore. It feels like heaven but hurts like hell.

So, as he pulls you into his embrace, spinning you around the room, you try to ignore the tears that are running down your face. You just want to enjoy the warmth of his hugs and his hand on yours for the rest of your life, is that too much to ask?

As the music comes to an end, you feel his hands shaking and the tremor on his voice as he whispers: “It’s time to go.”

“One more song, please.” You whisper, burying your head into his shoulder, tears brimming in your eyes.

So he spins you around more, his hands never letting yours go. There’s not much time left and you know it.

“Do you remember the night we met?” You ask, a smile forming on your lips at the memory.

“I do, we were just children but I remember every detail. You were wearing that small red dress, too caught up on the lanterns flying in the sky to notice that I was looking at you. I explored all the castle and yet you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And when you finally saw me, instead of screaming at me because I wasn’t doing my job, you asked me if I was okay and if I had eaten enough, before telling me the story of the lanterns.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay before boring you with my words.”

“You could have never bored me. You were the first one to show kindness to me, to treat me like one of yours.”

“Your heart is richer than any king's treasure, Calum.”

As the music fades and the weak flames of the candles in the room flick out, he holds you even closer, not bothering to hold his sobs any longer. The ballroom is getting colder and his body it's not as warm as it was before. He’s starting to feel lifeless again but you don’t want to let him go.

You’ll come back to reality, where love is hated and war is celebrated. You’ll have to pretend to be fine, showing a smile that hides an unimaginable pain. You’ll look into the eyes of your father and the irises that once never failed to reassure you will now be the reason for your cold heart.

Mostly important, you’ll have to live in a reality without Calum in it, without his smile in the morning or his kisses under the moonlight. A reality that was certainly not worth fighting for, not as much as the love you were meant to live.

“I love you too, always.” You whisper, gazing into his beautiful brown eyes, filled with so much sadness that it was almost unbearable. He smiles.

You open your eyes, your body still lays close to his, his eyes are closed and his voice is not asking you one last dance.

There’s a small smile on his face but you’re too distracted by footsteps outside the room to notice it.

66 notes · View notes