#it’s crazy though just thinking about how much my personality was shaped by this stupid show about literally nothing

[harryslittlefreakk]

favourite crime 2

summary: harry whisks y/n away for a romantic weekend, but when feelings and questions turn into actions, their relationship only gets more complicated

warnings: smut (protected sex, oral f receiving, choking, spanking, cockwarming) angst, mentions of cheating, forbidden love, age gap

wordcount: 7.3k

a/n: thank you SO much for all the love and feedback on the first part 🙈 i can’t cope. SORRY this took so long to post. please let me know if you enjoyed this one!!! love you <3

(as always it’s not proofread yet so proceed with caution)

special mention to this series’ biggest fan, my homegirl @harryscumcloth who has helped me with this a million times AND may have beat me if this wasn’t posted sooner <3

favourite crime masterlist | main masterlist | taglist

You were nestled in the corner of a quiet pub, worlds away from anyone who might recognise you or Harry, yet still almost jumping out of your skin when anyone met your eye. The armchair you were curled up in was rugged and worn, the padding molded to the shape of every person that had been there before you. Although not the venue you’d pick for a steamy weekend break, the B&B was cozy and welcoming, and somehow it felt even more romantic than a five-star sex hotel. The gentle murmur of distant conversations and the clinking of glasses pulled your attention away from your drink, your eyes scanning across the room until they landed on Harry’s.

Warm bulbs cast a dim glow over his face, the knit of his brows subtle as he stared at you, though he was clearly somewhere else. He’d been going crazy since he last saw you, the memories of the way he made you fall apart at the forefront of his mind. It fuelled a fire within him that his own fears kept putting out. He was burning then frozen, burning then frozen, over and over again.

You were young and needed to date properly, not be someone’s secret. And he couldn’t be your secret, wouldn’t allow himself to darken you with a warped and forbidden affair. But he couldn’t think of anything but you, the way your walls gripped at his fingers, the look in your eyes as he kissed you, the pink of your cheeks after you came. He was totally infatuated with you, yet he knew this was as far as anything could go.

You watched him for a while, waiting for him to speak up. The drive had been mostly quiet, neither of you knowing exactly how to express what you were thinking. Until Bonnie Raitt’s I Cant Make You Love Me came on the radio and two hands shot out to change the station. Harry’s eyes met yours for a second as his fingers wrapped around your wrist, a soft chuckle slipping out. He guided your hand to his thigh, his touch hovering until your thumb started to caress the fabric of his trousers.

“No sad songs in my car,” he teased, eyes fixed on the road. “Put one of your playlists on.”

You picked up your phone, momentarily feeling stupid and young as you scrolled through your Spotify. You had no idea what music Harry liked, and you weren’t about to embarrass yourself by displaying a horrific taste in music. He’d somehow noticed your internal panic, rolling his eyes in jest. “Just put on your on repeat. I wanna see what music you like,” he grinned.

You scrolled through your Spotify with a furrowed brow, your indecisive fingers hovering over the screen. a smirk playing on his lips, watched her struggle. "We’ll be there before you pick something.”

"It's important, Harry. I have to find a playlist that doesn’t have High School Musical in."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "For real?”

"Yes! What's wrong with that?" you laughed, pulling your hand away from his leg.

"Well, for a start," Harry began, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. “You’re not twelve.”

Your cheeks flushed, but you couldn't help but giggle. "Hey, at least I have variety. You probably listen to dad rock and indie songs that you think will make girls fancy you.”

"Touché," he said, holding up a hand in surrender. "But at least I don’t have the music taste of a pre-teen.”

You rolled your eyes, finally settling on a song. As the first notes played, Harry groaned exaggeratedly. “Just because you have High School Musical in your playlist, doesn’t mean you should play it.”

You grinned, holding up your phone as a mock microphone. "Come on, admit it. You love it."

Harry shook his head, unable to keep a straight face. "You're impossible."

“You’re staring at me,” Harry said finally, pulling you from your daydream.

“You’ve been staring at me since we sat down,” you laughed. “I only looked just now.”

Harry smiled softly, patting his lap in a signal for you to cosy up to him. You stood up, quietly moving around the table, your eyes never leaving Harry.

He opened his arms as you approached, taking a hold of your hand as you settled onto his lap, curling up against him. Harry's arms instinctively wrapped around your waist, his thoughts momentarily forgotten. The comfort of the embrace was immediate, a perfect fit that seemed to melt away the distance that had separated you moments before.

You listened to the steady beat of his heart as Harry pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your back.

“I know what you’re thinking, Harry,” you whispered, glancing down at your drink before meeting his gaze. His anguish was written all over his face, his confusion and indecisiveness seeping into the lines on his tanned skin. He leaned back into the seat, shifting you slightly so that he could see you clearly.

“What am I thinking, bunny?” he asked, his knuckles caressing your cheek.

“You’re thinking… that it’s for the best that nothing happens between us, but you still want it to.” You didn’t want to have the conversation so soon, but it was clearly troubling you both. Harry stayed silent, his dark eyes trained on your face as you fiddled with your straw.

“And you think this weekend should be the end of it,” you added, face hardening as you said it. He made a quiet murmur of agreement, brows knitting as if hearing the words out loud caused physical pain.

“I’ll follow your lead, H. If this is as far as we go, then I say we make it the best weekend ever,” you grinned, hoping that a twinkle cut through the sadness you could feel clouding your eyes.

Harry scanned your face for a second, searching for any sign of hesitance. But you were settled on your choice, your strong gaze giving him no indication of any deeper feelings. He pulled you closer to him after a moment, satisfied that you were on the same team.

To agree on the premature death of your relationship was a gut wrenching feeling, in the most peculiar way. You barely knew Harry outside of his time as your professor, and now you were wondering if he would end up as your one great love, the one big regret you’d have when you’re old and grey, or if he’d be the one who ruined you. You were almost certain it was the former, but it wasn’t the time to dwell on it.

You wrapped an arm around his shoulders as you settled into his lap, with one final scan around the pub in case it was suddenly full of people you knew. Harry’s hand pressed against your cheek, turning your head until you faced him. His thumb dragged across your bottom lip, his lips parted just enough for you to see the white of his teeth as he stared at you.

It was the closest you’d been since you found yourself on his lap at the lake. Friday was your study day, your only lecture taught by a different professor, and you’d lost track of time and missed your grading session with Harry. The last you’d seen of him was as he drove away after dropping you home, your panties still dripping from the orgasm he’d given you.

The heat radiating off the wall of muscle grazing your chest had you burning up, your cheeks flushing a bright red under his gaze.

You’d noticed that he always looked at you as if he were undressing you in his mind, but now that he’d seen your body, his eyes bored deeper. So deep that it was almost as if he thought he could get you naked with just one look. But with the way he was looking at you then, it could have been a real possibility.

Harry’s lips ghosted across yours, dragging across your cheek until they settled at your ear. “We should go and check out our room,” he whispered, his voice huskier than it had been previously. His free hand tightened around your waist as he spoke, sending shivers down your spine.

You slid off his lap, leaving your barely touched drink on the table as you headed for the stairs. Harry was close behind you the whole way, his hands finding your hips as you started to climb.

You barely made it through the door before he was pulling you to him, his core pressed tight to your back. You could feel everything, every dip and curve of muscle, every twitch of his cock. Harry’s ringed hands gripped and clawed at your clothes with an urgency that sent a chill through your body.

You let him push you towards the bed, turning to face him when your calves hit the frame. He slid a hand up your shirt without a second thought; the sting of his nails, the warmth of his touch, the drool wetting his bottom lip as he stared at you open-mouthed. It was enough to make your knees buckle beneath you, your body suddenly not strong enough to withstand the energy and desire that coursed through you.

In that moment you realised that Harry was addictive. There was an energy that flowed through him, a frantic buzz of electricity shooting through your bloodstream at the mere thought of him. His touch, his voice, his presence left you with a high that you never want to come down from - a dangerous game to play. You knew you couldn’t have him, and the idea of the fall terrified you. But while thoughts of him were clouding your mind, the what ifs and what thens, he was with you, in front of you, tugging your t-shirt over your head.

You pulled your maxi skirt down, stepping out of it and throwing it somewhere off to the side. Harry backed away from you, his hands falling limply to his sides as his gaze dropped down to your panties. It was his first time seeing you properly, and he wanted to take in everything. The curve of your hips, the freckle on your thigh, the scarring of what once was a belly button piercing. His eyes trailed higher, to the fullness of your breasts, the blush of your nipples, the way your hair rested on your shoulders.

“So fucking pretty, kitten,” he whispered, reaching out to pull you towards him. His hand gripped your wrist firmly as he closed the distance between you. With a swift, fluid motion, Harry pushed you against the wall, the cool surface a shock against the heat radiating from his body. The impact took your breath away, but before you could fully process the sensation, his lips were on yours, fierce and demanding. The world around you blurred into insignificance, your whole being succumbing to the urgency and passion of Harry’s tongue as it moved against yours. His feet nudged between yours, his erection pressing into your parted thighs.

He pulled away after a minute, his fingers tangled in your hair. You were panting, gasping for breath as his lips moved down your neck. “Tell me what you need from me,” he murmured, nipping at the skin between hot kisses.

“Anything, everything,” you whispered, your voice breathy, a ghost of itself. Harry pulled away from you, straightening up so he could look you in the eye. His fingers trailed across your jawline, his normally mossy eyes now like coal as they moved over your face.

“Don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he said, pulling his lower lip into his mouth as his hand roamed your skin, tracing the curves and contours of your hips and waistline.

“Give me everything, H,” you moaned, reaching out to touch him as the anticipation became too much to handle. His hand left your face, fingers tangling between yours as he blocked you from touching him, holding your hand at your side as he dropped to his knees in front of you.

You widened your legs for Harry without a second thought, grip tightening on his hand as he pressed wet kisses to your inner thighs.

“Been dreaming about this,” he drawled, his breath dancing lightly across the inside of your thigh. You were powerless, frozen in place by your need as he curled his fingertips around the lace of your thong, kisses and nips following as he tugged it down your thighs.

He let go of your hand as soon as you were exposed, moving to lift both of your feet with a gentle touch, one after the other. You kicked your panties somewhere across the room, pushing your shoulders back into the wall as his nose nudged into your thigh, opening you wider for him.

Your breath was caught in your throat, blood pounding in your ears as you looked down at Harry, watching as he rested back on his heels and took in every part of you. He stared like he wanted to commit it to memory, like this was what he needed to see when he closed his eyes. He draped your leg over his shoulder, licking a hot stripe from your knee to your core.

And then suddenly, without any warning, his fingertips trailed through your entrance, collecting your slick. Your head fell back against the brick as he took his fingers between parted lips, his cheeks hollowing as he suckled on your juices. The whimper that you let out was obscene, he was obscene, worshipping your pussy as if it was everything to him.

When he was satisfied, Harry’s tongue traced the line that his fingers had made, licking into you so tenderly yet driven by desire. He was eating you like he’d been starved, like your pussy was the prey he’d been hunting. Your knees buckled as his nose grazed your clit, your weight shifting slightly as you dropped deeper onto his mouth. You could feel his smirk against your entrance, his moan vibrating through your core as you gasped and panted. But you were playing into his hands, giving him the reactions he so desperately wanted.

His deep groan fluttered through you as your hands twisted into his curls, the sharp sting of your nails just enough to spur him on. He repeated the same movement, over and over, his focus alternating between your entrance and your clit, his fingers wrapped around your thigh, tips digging in just enough that you expected bruises by the morning. The thought of it made you ache, the idea of his touch marking you, making you his, was enough to have your body trembling over him.

Your heel dug into Harry’s back, your motivation somewhere between steadying yourself and pulling him closer, your fingers tangling tighter into his curls. And when he looked up at you, his eyes locking onto your face as his lips moved towards your clit, his fingers sliding into your entrance, you were wrapped around his finger, indebted to him, owned by him from that moment onwards.

“Look at me,” he demanded, the soft touches of his lips against your nerves leaving you whining and rocking against his mouth. When you didn’t pull your head down fast enough, a splayed hand slammed against the curve of your ass. You cried out, tugging on his hair as your eyes met his, your eyelids heavy.

“Good girl,” Harry whispered, his soft lips wrapping back around your clit. Every muscle in your body seemed to tense at once, your entire body buzzing as he worked his fingers inside of you, his free hand rubbing at the mark his slap was sure to have left. It was too much, the pleasure defeating you as you started to fall apart, crying out his name as you came.

Harry waited a minute, kissing across your mound and your inner thighs, before slipping your leg from his shoulder. He got back to his feet slowly, his hands trailing the outside of your body as if he might need to catch you. Your heart was hammering in your throat, the flashes of sweetness and purity in Harry’s actions somehow making the moment even dirtier.

As soon as he was level with you again, confident that you can support yourself, his lips were back on yours. Hungrier, more desperate than before. He pulled you into him, his cock twitching as you bite down on his bottom lip, his hands splayed across your back. You weren’t sure you’d ever been so overwhelmed with desire and need, and you weren’t sure you ever would be again.

“Y’so fucking perfect,” Harry murmured against your mouth, turning you around and pushing you onto the bed. “Do you know how it’s been for me?” he asked, tugging his tshirt over his head. “Watching you in class, seeing you flounce around in those little skirts knowing what’s underneath. Knowing that pussy is waiting for me?”

You shook your head, moving your legs just slightly so he had a better view of you. “Such a tease,” he continued, voice so low you could barely make out his words. You were aching all over, physically pained by the lack of touch, your walls throbbing with impatience. He was taking too long, too many seconds wasted by fiddling with the button on his slacks.

“Please, Harry,” you whimpered, reaching out to help him undress. “You don’t like waiting?” he scoffed, finally stepping out of his trousers. The outline of his cock is all you can focus on, your lips parting as you stare at him. “I need you to tuck me,” you whined, massaging both of your breasts in an attempt to take the edge off.

He walked around the bed to the nightstand, eyes never leaving your body. “All fours,” he demanded, plucking a condom from his wallet.

You followed his orders, turning onto your knees and pressing your chest flat to the bed. His eyes bore into your core as he rolls the condom over his cock, sucking in a sharp breath.

“Fuck,” he whispered, coming up behind you and tracing the curve of your hips with splayed hands.

He pushes himself against your folds, his tip nudging against your clit with every move. You rock your hips back into him, whining until he lines himself up with your entrance.

Your head dropped to the mattress as he finally pushed himself into you, groaning as your walls pulsated around his width. He was big. Bigger than you’d imagined, bigger than you’d ever had. You could feel him everywhere. Your head dropped to the mattress as he finally pushed himself into you, groaning as your walls pulsated around his cock. He was big. Bigger than you’d imagined, bigger than you’d ever had. You could feel him everywhere, his tip pressed against your g-spot, his girth splitting you apart.

You gripped the bedsheets with shaky hands, your knuckles white as Harry pulls back.

“Perfect fucking cunt,” he drawled his fingertips digging into your waist. He glanced down, eyes dark as he watches his cock pushing back into you, the condom coated in your slick.

You couldn’t speak, couldn’t focus on anything except moving your hips back to meet his thrusts. His cock was everywhere, filling every inch of you as his hands roamed your ass, each thrust more powerful than the last. “More, Harry, *please*,” you begged, rocking your hips into him so hard that the slap of skin on skin echoed around the room.

“Still need more, huh?” Harry cooed, his voice so low it was almost sinister. You nodded, whimpering as he slammed back into you.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail, twisting it around your fingers and tugging until your back was flush with his chest. His hand snaked around to your throat, squeezing lightly as he tilted your head back to look at him.

“Such a good little slut,” he drawled, watching as you trailed a hand down to your clit, knees weak as you rubbed circles against the sensitive nerves.

Harry leaned down a little, sinking his teeth into the flesh next to his hand. You couldn’t keep from crying out, writhing in his grasp. You’d never felt so much before. His cock fucking into you, his grip on your throat, the pull of your skin between his teeth, your fingers at your clit. It was like you were experiencing everything at its fullest, your senses heightened as your body went into overdrive. You didn’t have time to register your orgasm until you were in the thick of it, rolling your body against your palm, choking out a scream of Harry’s name.

He eased his grip on your throat, letting you drop down onto the mattress as you rode through your high. He pulled out of you, rolling onto the centre of the bed with a groan.

You climbed on top of him, lining his length up with your entrance and slipping him back inside of you. Your head rolled back on your shoulders as you felt him from a new angle, your hands resting against his tattooed torso.

“So fucking big, H,” you whined, circling your hips as if it would make any difference to the way you were bursting at the seams, stuffed full of his cock.

His hands found your hips as you started to inch yourself off him, your eyebrows furrowed as you try to get used to his size.

“Taking me so well, kitten,” Harry murmured, his eyes glazed over as he watches you ride him, your ass slapping against his groin as you start to bounce on him.

He cupped the back of your neck with one hand, pulling you closer to him. You planted your hands on either side of his head, grinning against his mouth as he kissed you, the taste of your slick still lingering on his tongue. Your body was practically aglow with energy, tingling from your head to your toes as he reached around to slam a hand against your ass. Each smack of his palm is punctuated with your loud cry, falling into time with the squelch of your juices to form an obscene chorus. It’s an entirely depraved, overwhelmingly dirty sound, especially for the early afternoon.

But as Harry gripped your hips and held you steady, fucking up into you with the power and force of a machine gun firing, you really don’t care at all about anything going on around you. In that moment, it’s you and Harry against the world. That’s the final thought you had before your walls clamped around his cock, whimpering into his mouth as your third orgasm of the day started to tear through your body. Harry’s thrusts got sloppier, his hips jolting as he came, your pussy milking him of all he had. Your hips rocked as he panted into your mouth, rubbing at the welts starting to rise on your skin.

You waited for his heart rate to lower before easing off of him, pulling the condom from his length as you kneeled beside him. Harry watched as you tied the end, dropping it haphazardly near the bin before flopping down next to him, chest still heaving.

You stared at the ceiling, stars still lingering in your vision. It wasn’t fair. Harry wasn’t the kind of man you were meant to have a fling with, he was the white picket fence and babies man. You knew that questioning him and begging would only make you look younger and sillier in his eyes, but the lingering vulnerability had your words slipping out before you could hold yourself back.

“I don’t want this weekend to be all we have,” you whispered, rolling over to look at Harry.

“I don’t either, princess,” he murmured, propping himself up on his elbow. His free hand pushed the stray hairs from your face, his touch never far from you. “But at this point in your life, do you really want to sneak around for a few years?”

You stared at him in silence for a moment, your bottom lip jutting out as you realised how impossible any kind of relationship would be.

“I don’t like it anymore than you do. But if I have you, I want to be able to show you off. You’re too good to be any man’s secret.”

You groaned, throwing your hands over your face. How could someone make you feel so wanted even as they let you down?

“You know I’m right,” Harry teased. You could almost hear the arrogant smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. You rolled onto your back, letting your arms drop limply at your sides. “No,” you grumbled.

“I am,” Harry continued, climbing over you and planting his hands on either side of your head. “Now are you gonna carry on sulking, or are we going to enjoy ourselves?”

The injustice melted away as you stared up at him, his toothy grin spreading as your face softened. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pushing your hips up until they met his core. “Show me what I’ll be missing,” you whispered, the tug on your heartstrings overpowered by your need.

—

The shower, desk, window seat, sink, every surface possible had all been used by the time the sun went down that evening. You were exhausted, every inch of your body throbbing. Harry could see it in the way your face screwed up just a little every time you moved, his hands never ceasing as they rubbed over your sides.

He glanced down at you, a soft smile curving his lips. You were somewhere between simply too content to open your eyes and full-on knocked out as he slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb the you. He padded softly across the room, kicking away discarded items of clothing as he made his way to the bathroom, the cool tiles a stark contrast to the warmth of the bed.

The tub had barely started filling up before you appeared in the doorway, rubbing at your eyes with the heels of your hands.

“Hi, kitten,” Harry grinned, pulling you in for a hug.

You hated how easy and normal everything felt as you wrapped your arms around his back, your head falling between his pecs as if this was where you were meant to be.

“What you doing?”

“I was rough with you today, and I feel bad,” he shrugged. “And you seem like the kind of girl who likes a bath.”

“I’ve had a really nice day,” you sighed, your voice muffled against his t-shirt. You really had, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right that he’d fucked you the way you’d always dreamed of. It wasn’t right that he’d been the Troy to your Gabriella. It wasn’t right that he was taking the time to care for you. It wasn’t right that this was the way your story would end.

But you pushed those feelings down as Harry kissed the top of your head, his thumb rubbing circles on your lower back. “Good. Me too.”

You stepped away from him as he reached around to shut the water off. “What are you supposed to do while I have a bath?”

“I don’t know. Fall to my knees and cry until you’re back,” Harry shrugged, tangling his fingers with yours and pulling your arms around his neck.

You dodged his kiss with a laugh, shaking your head as you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t even think about asking me to join you. That is the smallest bathtub I’ve ever seen,” Harry teased.

“Then just stay here with me,” you ask, grinning when he agreed. He pulled your hands to his mouth, kissing each of your knuckles one by one.

“Just give me a minute,” he told you, letting go of you as he backed out of the bathroom.

You stepped into the bath when Harry left, listening out for a clue as to what he suddenly needed to do. All you heard was the main door closing behind him, and his quick steps down the hallway.

He padded back into the bathroom a few minutes later with a flute of champagne in either hand. “Nice touch,” you grinned, washing the bubbles from your hand as he passed one of the glasses to you with a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

“Can’t fault a man for trying,” Harry smiled, closing the toilet so he could sit next to you.

You pushed the bubbles around the surface of the bath for a second, watching as they popped and sparkled.

“Take your top off,” you giggled, turning to Harry with a bright grin.

He eyed you suspiciously as you glared back at him, your smile never faltering. “I’m naked, H. In the bath. What exactly are you expecting me to do right now?”

He shrugged, tugging his t-shirt over his head after a pause and balling it between his fists.

“I never knew you had so many tattoos. Didn’t really get to see them earlier,” you told him, eyes trailing across each one. You’d caught glimpses of them before, but you hadn’t expected his torso and arms to be littered in so much ink.

“Can’t really show them at work,” Harry shrugged, glancing down at his inked torso.

“I like the moth,” you mused, though your eyes were glued to the ferns poking out from the waistband of his pants. “Which one’s your favourite?”

He looked over himself, twisting his arms around so he could get a view of each tattoo. “These two, I think,” he answered finally, pointing to the A and G on his shoulders. “For my mum and sister.”

“You don’t have the right build for an English professor,” you stated, not entirely expecting to voice that aloud.

“No?” Harry laughed, his eyes back on you as you sipped your champagne. You shook your head, cheeks a little flushed as you realised you’d have to explain yourself.

“English professors are grey. Or beige. They’re old and withered and smell like dusty libraries,” you told him. “You’re…”

“Not like that, I hope,” Harry finished for you, his dimples carved deep into his cheeks as he grinned.

“Not at all. I think every single student has a crush on you,” you smirked. “Did you always want to be a teacher?”

Harry shook his head, his fingers tracing the rim of his glass. “Didn’t even consider it until I was about to graduate.”

“I have no idea what I’m going to do after,” you confessed, nose crinkling as you thought about it. “None of the jobs available really appeal to me. I might have to marry rich.”

Harry let out a loud laugh as you giggled. “Don’t look at me. I have about £5 left to my name after paying my bills.”

You settled into an almost uncomfortable silence, both seemingly realising how close you’d gotten to inadvertently discussing marriage.

“Are you hungry?” Harry asked finally, cutting through any tension at risk of building up.

“A little,” you replied, tilting your head as you look at him.

“Want me to go get something?”

You nodded, setting your empty glass down as Harry leans over, planting a gentle kiss on your lips. Your eyes widened when he turned away, tugging his t-shirt back over his head.

It was all too domesticated, too natural. You were acting like an established couple, not two people who would go their separate ways after leaving the hotel room. But despite knowing that, every touch and every kiss had you melting into Harry a little more.

You shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts and distract yourself before you concocted a reality in which you could live happily ever after with Harry by your side.

You decided to preoccupy yourself with getting cleaned up as soon as you heard the door swing shut, scrubbing your body and any leftover makeup from your face.

You stepped out the bath, wrapping yourself in the one clean towel neither of you had ruined, when your phone buzzed from the windowsill.

courtney: hows it going? you ok ? X

y/n: had more orgasms today than I’ve had in my life.

courtney: 🍆? 😉

y/n: tell you everything later. Love u xx

You threw your phone in the general direction of the bed, smirking to yourself. You knew you shouldn’t tell Courtney everything, but Harry must’ve known that was a given before he fucked you the way he had.

Your reflection caught your eye in the mirror as you hung the towel back up, the girl staring back at you glowing. You hated that this was the happiest you’d been in a long time, and you hated knowing that all of that would be stripped away not even twenty four hours later. But you’d already told yourself time and time again not to dwell on it now, promising yourself as much sadness as you needed the second you got home. You had a funny feeling that Illicit Affairs might be the only song you’d listen to for a few weeks.

It was only as you stared at yourself that you noticed the familiar discomfort that came with wearing your contacts for too long. Your eyes were begging for relief, but you felt suddenly shy about wearing your glasses in front of Harry. He’d definitely seen you wearing them before, but you could never be sure how much he’d noticed you before.

You sighed, blinking a few times before plucking both lenses from your eyes and dropping them into the bin.

It was only as you padded towards the bed that you realised that your ‘good’ glasses were in your bag. With your clean clothes. In the backseat of Harry’s car. You found your purse, pulling out your spare glasses with a groan. They were your huge, thick, never-wear-in-front-of-anyone-else, emergency pair. Definitely not the pair you wanted Harry to see you in.

You ran your fingers along the arm with a grumble, pushing them onto your nose. Any glasses were better than Harry coming back to find you naked and blind. Perching on the edge of the bed, you messaged Harry to remind him to bring the bags up when he got back to the room.

It was only a few minutes later that you heard his keycard in the door and he came to your rescue, with two pizza boxes balanced in his hand and both bags slung over his shoulders.

“This is a nice surprise,” he grinned, setting the pizzas and bags down next to you. You folded your arms over your chest, tilting your head away from him slightly.

“My clothes and good glasses are in my bag,” you mumbled, a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“And why is that a bad thing?” he asked, kicking his shoes off before sitting down next to you. His palm found your cheek, turning your head back towards him. “You are naked and adorable. I wouldn’t have bothered with the bags if I’d known.”

“You are incredible. I have no idea what happened with your generation’s self esteem. Seriously,” Harry told you, holding your head up with two fingers under your chin.

He studied your face for a minute before pushing you down, knocking the pizzas out of the way with a muttered “oops.”

Harry angled himself slightly above you, cupping your face in both hands. He pressed tender kisses to your forehead, nose and the corners of your lips, before moving down your neck, kissing along your throat and collarbone.

His mouth continued down, his lips wrapping around your nipple as his hand found the other breast, giving them both some attention before swapping. And then he followed that same trail upwards, pausing to kiss and nibble at your ear.

“Think you’re the most beautiful girl in world,” he whispered, suckling on the skin just below your ear. “You are to me.”

You turned your head until your nose brushed against his, eyes soft as you stare back at him.

“What do you need, princess?” Harry asked, his voice low as you fumbled with his belt buckle.

“Just want to be close to you, H,” you whispered, clawing at his slacks with impatience.

He pushed your hair out of your eyes before standing to remove his clothes, stroking his cock a few times as it sprung out of his boxers. His eyes were on you as he touched himself, a sight you knew would flash behind your eyes every time you reached into your panties.

“Come here,” he told you, moving backwards on the bed until his back met the headboard.

You climbed onto his lap, any tension in your body melting away as you settled over his cock. “We used all the condoms earlier,” Harry whispered, wrapping a hand around your waist to pull you closer to him.

“Doesn’t matter,” you replied. “Just needed to feel you.”

“Yeah?” Harry asked, rubbing circles around the dimples on your lower back. You nodded, running your fingers through his curls. “Lift up a second, kitten,” he whispered, holding his free hand under the curve of your ass as you raised your hips.

He lined himself up with your entrance, biting down on his lower lip as he eased you back down, feeling you for the first time with no barrier.

You let out a moan you didn’t even know you’d been holding, the sensation of him deep inside you, filling you up, exactly what you’d needed.

“Better now, princess?” Harry cooed, running his hand along your hips. You nodded, reaching for the pizza box. “Better.”

—

“I’m away for the next two days,” Harry told you, tangling his fingers with yours. “Got a teaching conference.”

“Do you think it’ll be hard to go back to normal?” you asked, totally disregarding what he’d said.

“Yes,” Harry answered, without so much as skipping a beat. “But I think it will only be so difficult because we have to keep seeing each other.”

You let out a dejected sigh, running your thumb across the back of his hand. “Yeah.”

“So you should spend the next two days practicing some self restraint,” Harry teased, looking over at you with that same, goofy, familiar grin.

“You are the serial toucher,” you laughed, tugging your hand away from his to swat at his chest.

“You just touched me.”

“I hit you.”

Harry snatched your hand back, chuckling before you settled into silence. Your gaze shifted to the view outside your window, familiar buildings and street signs coming into view as you drove closer to home. You weren’t ready to carry on with the life you had before Harry, his presence making everything somehow brighter.

“What’s your girlfriend doing tonight?” he asked finally, breaking the silence.

“Ask your roommate. She’s probably at yours,” you smirked.

“She’s always at mine,” Harry groaned. “Do you want to pick her up before I drop you home? I assume you’ll need to gossip,” he teased.

You shook your head softly, eyes dropping to where your hands sat intertwined. “No, it’s okay. I’ll see her tomorrow.”

You had a date with a book, a pint of ice cream and a potential cry lined up for when you got home. You weren’t ready to share your weekend with Courtney, needing to keep it sacred just a while longer. It was the only thing you had that was only yours and Harry’s for now.

—

You approached Harry’s office door, reaching for the doorknob with a tentative hand. You shouldn’t have been there and you knew it, but with a question from his earlier lecture and a burning desire to just see him, you pushed the door open.

You barely knew how to act around him after your weekend. He hadn’t met your eye in class, purposely avoiding your gaze when he passed you in the hall. You’d waited two days to speak to him, which was nothing. But it was two days of drafting and deleting nonsense texts, trying to come up with excuses to see Courtney at his in case he was there, pulling on his t-shirt before you touched yourself so it would feel like he was with you. You were completely, utterly addicted to him.

Harry’s eyes lit up the moment turned around and saw you, a genuine smile spreading across his face. The room had felt different without you, the monotony of grading and the cold glow of his laptop screen somehow duller and more lifeless than he remembered.

He gestured towards the empty seat, dropping the pile of books he was carrying onto the desk. “I won’t be long,” you mumbled, shaking your head. “Just had a question about today’s lecture.”

Harry leaned against the wooden edge of his desk, watching you as you flipped through your notes. He couldn’t help noticing how much warmth you brought into his office, how relieved he was to be alone with you.

“How are you?” he asked finally, cutting through the silence.

“M’okay. Just trying to actually focus on my degree now,” you smiled, heart pounding as you eased into conversation. “Decided to tutor a couple of other students.”

“Your professor would be proud,” Harry grinned, running a hand through his curls. You returned his smile, your notebook falling to your side as you edged just a few inches closer. The tension felt thick, too many unspoken words to fit into one short conversation. But Harry's gaze was soft as he looked over you, an intensity behind his eyes that made your heart pound against your ribcage. You could see the cogs turning in his head, an internal battle between desire and restraint.

You were thankful for the dimmed lights as a blush crept up your cheeks, stepping closer to Harry as if an invisible force pushed you towards him. Your fingertips brushed his knee, your lips parting slightly as you stared up at him.

You’d somehow expected him to change, to see him today and he wasn’t the same man you’d left behind. But he was no different than the man who’d fucked you, who’d cared for you so tenderly.

In a moment of weakness, Harry leaned in, his hand tangling into your hair as his lips found yours. It was gentle yet urgent, filled with all the emotions he had been holding back. You pulled him closer, your notes forgotten as they dropped to the floor, your fingers wrapping around his collar. For a few fleeting seconds, you were almost transported back in time, reality shifting into a parallel where this was natural and normal.

But Harry suddenly pulled away, his breath ragged, his expression conflicted. "We can't," he whispered, shaking his head as if trying to clear his thoughts. "I'm sorry, kitten.”

Your heart ached at the loss of his touch, leaning forward to chase his kiss. But Harry’s hand fell from you as he took a step back, his eyes glued to the floor.

The silence that followed was heavy, loaded with everything left unsaid. Harry turned away, leaving you standing there, the warmth of his kiss still lingering on your lips, and the cold realization of his withdrawal settling in.

Your heart plummeted as Harry's words echoed in your ears. You trailed a finger along your lower lip, trying to soothe the sting of rejection. You felt exposed, your mind racing with self-doubt, wondering if you had misread everything. If you had been foolish to think there was something more.

You backed away from Harry, tears of hurt and embarrassment stinging at your eyes. He was silent, frozen as he watched you walk away. The second the door closed behind you, his gaze dropped to your notes on the ground, his fist slamming into the desk behind him.

—

Harry slumped over the breakfast bar, his head in his hands. It wasn’t supposed to have gone this way, and he thought he knew better. He had decided to stay away from you, and he’d broken that promise to himself. He was supposed to keep his distance. You were nothing short of irresistible to him, and he knew the second he was alone with you he’d cross boundaries. And that was exactly what he’d done.

“Just talk to her,” Courtney told him from across the kitchen. Trapped in his inner turmoil, he hadn’t even noticed her in the room.

“Remember I’m still your professor,” Harry grumbled, eyes still focused on the grainy marble under him.

She shookher head, groaning as she swiped the untouched slice of toast from his plate. He lifted his head to look at her, hoping his expression would convey how little he wanted to get into a conversation about you. Courtney raised her eyebrows as she backed out of the room, eyes still on Harry. “You’re not the only one who’s in a strop, you know.”

“You’re also in my house,” he called after her, running a hand through his hair.

You hadn’t told Courtney about that afternoon yet. Harry knew Courtney was feisty before she became his second roommate, and he was certain that she’d make no attempt to hide her feelings towards him if she knew how he’d rejected you. Either you were too embarrassed to even mention it, or there was still a chance for Harry to turn things around. He may have been a man in a pit of despair, but he chose to take it as a sign.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed his keys and left. He didn’t even know what his plan was, or what he was signing himself up for by going to see you. But twenty minutes later he was pulling up outside your apartment, hoping you’d be home and praying you would be willing to hear him out.

Your windows were open and a light was on, so he was over the first hurdle.

He was almost at your doorstep when he heard it. The little uncertain giggles that exploded into laughter. It was his favourite sound, and until then, he’d foolishly assumed it was reserved for him. But there was someone else in your flat, someone else making you laugh the way he did.

He backed away from the door, leaning up against his car to try and get a glimpse of who was inside. He couldn’t see anyone, even craning his neck and stretching onto his tiptoes was hopeless. He turned around, clenching his fists as his jaw tightened. He was about to get back into his car when he heard the second voice, a husky male voice. He couldn’t hear what he said, but he didn’t need to. There was another man in your room, another man making you laugh the way he had. And you were happy. Not backing away from him in tears, with hurt and embarrassment written all over your face.

This wasn’t him. He wasn’t the man who got cheated on, but you weren’t cheating on him. He’d ended it. You weren’t his, and you had every right to be with someone else. But that didn’t make it feel any better.

He should never have put you in a position where you could be anyone else’s. His mind was racing, thoughts of you tangled up in your bedsheets with him, that voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear, hands that didn’t belong to him trailing over the bruises Harry had left on your skin.

“Fuck,” he shouted, his fist flying out to make contact with his wing mirror. He should have just fucking kissed you properly. He should’ve found a way to make it work, but he hadn’t. He was a coward, pushing you into the arms of another man just so he could protect his fucking reputation.

He was half prepared to march back to your door, to charge in and reclaim what he’d lost. But he knew he wasn’t acting or thinking like someone you’d want around, so he got back into his car and left, heading for nowhere.

taglist: @angeldavis777 @softestqueeen @jerseygirlinca @palmettogal508 @drewsephrry @vonnexann @austiebuttbutt @indigo24hughes @peterparkerbae @im-an-overthinker @daphnesutton @loveableidioticweirdo @harryshotpocket @tenaciousperfectionunknown @swag13r @ashleighsss @tswiftsgf @chesthairrry @nikkisimps @hannah9921 @lilfreakjez @prettygurl-2009 @s-h-e-l-b-e-e @indierockgirrl @cicicavill7 @harrystylesluverrrr @cohnfusedarling @ell0ra-br3kk3r @stylesfever @stylesbrock @harry-nialllover @fanfic-whore @triski73 @haliastyless @meetmeintheemeraldpool l @harryshousewitnessprotection @danaehldy @fairytale07 @storyschanging

[myokk]

question about eloise! i would LOVE to know what her reaction to imelda getting with poppy would be? would she be surprised by it or see it coming a million miles off before imelda or poppy even make a move haha

First a super fast sketch of the three of them that I did before sitting down to answer this question bc I LOVE THEM😭🙏

My headcanons about Imelda that I think will explain everything (but tldr: Eloise TOTALLY knew and suspected and helped push them together😙) :

Growing up, Imelda was incredibly social and would spend her time in her little village being coddled by the old village women, running around like crazy with all of her friends, and spending so much time with her parents who were incredibly proud of everything she did💓

She moved to Scotland when she was five and didn’t have any problems fitting in or learning English, just jumping headfirst into it like any other challenge she had faced in her life. Things were fine until she was 10: her mother became sick and it consumed the whole family.

Imelda was REALLY reserved her first year at Hogwarts, and her mom passed away January of that year. It DEVASTATED her and her father, and it caused Imelda to turn to her studies/quidditch and became pretty obsessive.

(Side note: she ISNT competitive with other people in my mind, she is competitive with HERSELF😤 if she loses she is happy for the other person, but looks at her own performance to figure out what she did wrong and how she can change and learn from the experience)

The other students were pretty put-off by Imelda’s brash behavior but she was OK WITH IT😤 she had to study and not be a burden to her dad and it was FINE that she didn’t fit in with any of the other kids in her year (ok…)

When Eloise arrived and was sorted into Slytherin, Imelda saw her chance!!! They became immediate best friends and just clicked. Imelda LOVES doing her hair, and they gossip/talk about EVERYTHING every night before bed🥹💓

Even though they were both EXTREMELY busy that year (Eloise with all of her bs, Imelda with getting after Sebastian for being STUPID😤, whipping her TERRIBLE team into shape, and studying for OWLs to get an O in every subject), they always found time to study together and hang out.

Sometimes Poppy studied with them and she and Imelda REALLY CLICKED. Imelda liked listening to Poppy ramble about whatever interested her in the moment, and Poppy knows how to calm down Imelda when she stresses herself out too much.

Eloise is like: 👀 HMMMMM I have to leave early to….send a letter before it’s too dark🥹 but you two stay in the library…it’s ok, I can go alone😙

Over winter break Imelda REGRESSES seeing how devastated her father still is over the loss of his wife, and with the anniversary of her death coming closer Imelda completely withdraws into herself and TRIES to go back to how things were before fifth-year.

Eloise doesn’t let her😤 and talks to Poppy a lot more to figure out what they can do to get Imelda back.

The rest is history😇😇😇😇

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJJAA SORRY THAT WAS A LOT !!! 🙏

but YES Eloise totally suspected SOMETHING was up, and worked to make sure it happened and that Imelda didn’t sabotage herself😇😇😇

[rory-multifandom-mess]

Hello! I hope this ask finds you well!

I have returned once more to humbly request N x Thad with the prompts 15 & 16, please!

Also, the reason for my formality due to my personal motto of, “Be polite or perish” also that email etiquette course I took. lol.

HOLY WHEAT THINS! YIPPEE!!!!

Also that’s so valid actually

15. “Please marry me” and 16. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Genre: Fluff

Content warning ahead! Nothing bad, just some robots making out. It's not in terrible detail I think, but it's there.

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It had been a little while since N had told Thad about his feelings for him. That was a good night, despite the strained beginning. N wished he had never mentioned his old crush on V, but Thad had sworn to him it was okay.

After they had shared their kiss, they laid down in Thad’s bed. Thad had school the next day, so N definitely couldn’t have brought him out to the spire. But that was okay. It was easier to cuddle this way.

Thad had curled up in a ball by his side, while N was curled around him. They talked until they both fell asleep, either about stupid, silly stuff or stuff they liked. They could talk for hours….

Now it was months later, and N and Thad were snuggling on Thad’s couch again. This had become a routine thing, and neither of them cared. It was nice, especially with how hectic things had been recently.

A silly romance movie played on the TV, though it was reaching the end. The main protagonist had just proposed to his girlfriend, after a whole adventure.

Thad huffed.

“This movie is so bad,” He said, chuckling slightly.

N jolted. “What?! I thought it was good!”

“You think most movies are good, Babe.”

“Yeah…. Well, what do you think makes it so bad?” N asked, curious.

“Well, the whole thing could’ve been prevented if his friends hadn’t stalked him!” Thad said, angrily gesturing at the TV, “He was going to propose in the beginning if his friends hadn’t ruined it for him.”

“But then there wouldn’t be a movie!” N said.

“That’s true…” Thad muttered, “But still. Some friends they were.”

N chuckled slightly, pulling Thad a little closer to him.

They had been watching a lot of romance movies since they started dating, which was a stark contrast to the action movies Thad liked so much. Many of the romance movies always had the guy “propose” in the end.

To be honest, N didn’t know what marriage was, but the love interest always seemed to excited and would cry and they’d hug for a while and kiss. All he knew was that marriage was important and would signify how strong the relationship was, and that it was going to the next step.

N wanted to make Thad that happy, and he wanted to make their relationship stronger and more intimate.

N spared a glance at Thad, leaning against his side, his attention turned to the TV again.

N looked at his free hand, pulling a makeshift ring out of his coat pocket. It really wasn’t much of a ring. He had just grabbed a piece of metal and beat it to hell until it was ring-shaped. Despite how makeshift it was. He’d hoped Thad would like it. All he had to do was wait for the movie to end, which wouldn’t be long.

As the movie ended, Thad sat up.

“Well, I feel peckish. Want some batteries?” He asked, turning his head to N.

“U-Uh— Sure!” N chirped, slightly startled by the sudden movement. He’d been lost in thought.

Thad smiled at him and kissed his cheek, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

N’s heart fluttered, nearly melting at Thad’s mere touch. He was crazy for that drone and he knew it well.

He briefly pulled out the ring again, looking at it. He’d just hope Thad would take it well.

He listened as Thad put the bag of batteries away, quickly standing up.

Thad exited the kitchen, holding the bowl of batteries. “Alright, got us a sna…ck?” Thad’s smile was replaced with a confused look as he looked up at N, awkwardly standing there.

“Uh… What’s up, N?” Thad asked, walking up to him, “Why are you standing?”

“I want to ask you something,” N said nervously, ignoring Thad’s questions.

“Okay. Can you do that sitting?”

N shook his head.

Thad shrugged. “Alright,” He said nonchalantly, putting the bowl on the end table, “What’s the question?”

N’s core jumped into his throat, his anxiousness hitting him like a truck.

Thad was handsome. He always was, but in this moment, for whatever reason, it was much more intense to N. His little curious face was adorable, and his hair was so fluffy for what little N got to see through his backwards football cap.

He hadn’t noticed it the whole time, but Thad only had a tank top on, which revealed his shoulder. N traced the scar that V had caused with his eyes, his mouth slightly gaping open as his mind raced, blush spreading across his visor.

“Um… N? Are you good?” Thad asked, concerned, snapping N out of his thoughts.

“Uh— Y-Yeah! I’m okay,” N chuckled nervously, “I just wanted to ask, uh… W-would you…” He began, swallowing harshly.

He knelt on one knee and pulled the ring out of his pocket, watching as Thad’s expression went from confused to surprised and flustered.

“Would you make me the happiest drone on copper-9? And, um— Uh-“ N paused, completely forgetting what he had rehearsed, his blush returning from embarrassment.

“Please marry me.” N blurted.

Thad’s eyelights hollowed, his brows raising, blush spreading across his visor as he raised his hand to his ajar mouth.

Eventually, he cleared his throat, breaking the crushing silence between them.

“N, I, uh… I’m not saying no, but— D-do you… Even know what marriage is?” He asked.

“Uh. Not really. Why, did I do something wrong?” N asked, his fear accidentally seeping into his tone.

“N-No!” Thad said frantically, shaking his head, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong! It’s just— Marriage is usually something a couple do after they’ve been together for a long time. I’m talking, like, years,” Thad explained, placing his hands on N’s, “We’ve only been dating for a month.”

“Oh…” N trailed, getting to his feet, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, N! You didn’t know. I’m… I’m flattered that you love me enough to want to spend the rest of your life we me though,” Thad admitted with a chuckle, glancing away.

“I am curious though,” He continued, “What’d you think marriage was?”

“Oh! I— I just— Um—“ N’s heart skipped a beat at the question, glancing away, “I just… thought it would, um… let us ‘go to the next step,’ I guess? Y’know, like…” N trailed, looking down at his hands and fidgeting with the ring.

“Intimacy?” Thad finished for him, lowering his voice.

N nods slightly, glancing up at Thad.

His expression was soft, smiling at N. He chuckled softly and reached up, cupping N’s cheek in his hand.

“If that’s the case then… Why haven’t you kissed me yet? We don’t need marriage to do that.”

N gasped, his face lighting up in excitement. His tail began to sway slightly, his excitement shown.

“Can I?” N asked eagerly.

“You don’t even gotta ask.”

N smiled and leaned forward, quickly putting the ring in his pocket and putting one of his hands on Thad’s hip, the other resting on his shoulder as he pulled him closer.

Thad gasped into the kiss, returning it with passion. He closed his eyes and placed a hand on the back of N’s head, burying his fingers into the taller drone’s hair, his other hand on his lower back.

It felt as if all of their worries melted away, the world around them disappearing as their bodies got closer together, reveling in the moment.

The kiss was deep and passionate, going on for longer than either had thought it would.

Once they finally pulled away, both were breathing heavily, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes.

“Wow…” Thad breathed, “You’re a better kisser than I thought.”

“Really? I was just… following your lead,” N admitted with a breathless chuckle.

“Heh, yeah, right, you’re just being humble.”

“No, I’m serious! That was all you, Thad.”

“I’m not a good kisser. That was my first time, um… making out with someone,” Thad admittedly shyly, glancing away.

“…Oh.”

Silence befell the two of them as they held each other closely, looking into each other’s eyes, their shared moment still lingering.

“…Can we do that again?” N asked.

Thad smiled.

“Absolutely.”

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SO SORRY THIS TOOK AGES... I got home and immediately got lost in so many other things to do. BUT I have gotten my writing mojo back so I think I'll be able to get to this stuff!!! SO YIPPEE!

Anyway, hope you enjoy! Sorry if the kissing scene sounds really weird and awkward, this was my first time writing anything like this so I didn't really know how LMFAO.

~~~~~~~

Prompt Post! Lizzy x Doll; "Stay with me forever"/"Because I love you!" N x V; "I thought you didn't want me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" V x Thad; "I'm in love with you" V x Thad "I missed you so much"/"I can't stay away from you" N x Thad; "Can I kiss you?" N x Thad; "I want you. Only you." V x Thad; "I thought you didn't want me." Sam x Uzi; "The way I feel with you"/"I can't stay away from you." Uzi x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'll always love you" N x Thad; "Please marry me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" <- You are here! N x Uzi; "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen"/"I'm better when I'm with you" J x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'm better when I'm with you."

[cyrusthedragon]

I'm so in love with the idea of thunder god tribe being like lil triplets for Laxus, and Laxus is like "no I can't do reckless shit no more, I have my kids to worry about", people are like "you have kids???", Laxus: "yeah", and kids are just three grown-ups looking at Laxus with heart-shaped eyes, and then he's like "okay, I need to go take care of them"

Freed is the oldest one, repeating after him, following his steps, learning and growing, best student, his pride.

Bickslow is next, lil dumb (no, he's actually a secret genius), lil crazy, lil reckless, in short - middle child, circus on feet, but he's Laxus' joy.

And Evergreen as youngest one, pretty and pretty independent, fairy with attitude, she may seem giddy, but she's very smart and cunning; they say if you look at Evergreen for a long time, you can see Laxus.

And it's so-so cute, cuz this kittens are his family, part of his life, and I love it so much, cuz let's be honest with eachother, Laxus is a big softie, and he really need someone to protect, so even if he knows for sure that Freed, Ever and Bickslow are more than capable to protect themselves, that doesn't mean he's not worrying about them. He does. Sometimes a lot. 'They don't need someone to protect them, they're strong,' he says, and then Mirajane cas clearly see that he just can't sit on that chair calmly. She wants to say how cute he is like that, but she bites her inner cheek instead, to not to scare that...openness he's showing her. And it's absolutely obvious that he's showing it, on purpose, he allows himself to be like this, because Mira knows - Laxus can hide really well when he wants to. So she's just glad he trusts her enough to show his true feelings for the raijinshuu.

He'd be a good father, she thinks suddenly, and then blush appears on her face and she hurries to hide it, going to the basement for *choose the reason* while Laxus stares after her with an questioningly raised eyebrow, until his own blush shows on his cheeks. He probably looked stupid...

Even though Laxus doesn't usually care what other people think of him personally, for some reason he doesn't want to look stupid in front of her.

Sheesh.

P.s. inspired by this, look at them. Look at them. He lllooovvvvessssss herrrr (I'm not talking about romantic love here), HE LOVES HER, THAT'S WHY HE CAN BE LIKE THAT WITH HER, AND EVER KNOWS HIM WELL ENOUGH, LOOK. COME THE FUCK ON. THEY'RE FAMILY. I'M DEAD.

Ever but like that 'annoying' lil 'girly girl' sis who can poke you just because she can, and I think if she really was his lil sis, she would simply come up to him, coquettishly extend her hand, and he'd give her money without questions (but with a heavy sigh). And Bickslow'd be like 'wow, can I have some too???', and Laxus to him with straight face, blinking: 'No.' Freed, trying his luck, quietly: "...can I?". Laxus would asked how much and would give him the requested amount, and Bickslow would explode at how terribly unfair this is!!! And Laxus'd give him an hour and a half lecture about how Freed spends money on books and stuff for self development, and Bickslow, on the contrary, always buys all sorts of crap.

"Why then are you giving money to Ever, huh?!" He rightly grumbles, frowning comically, almost stomping his foot. "She buys all sorts of crap too!"

Laxus looks him straight in the eyes. Blinks twice. And, raising his mug of beer, explains:

"I just like her more than you."

Bickslow eventually explodes, making angry noises, and Mirajane, nearby watching this scene, cannot help but giggle at how Laxus skillfully hides his grin behind his mug.

Btw follow me for more Raijinshuu and Miraxus stuff, I just wanna talk about them, seriously:'))

[autisticlancemcclain]

yo Jackie, what's one trope or situation type shit that u wish people would write more fics about. like we all know ur a brown-eyed lance truther, so am I so don't snipe me down babes, but like what else would u wish the fandom would agree on more. like u wish there was more lance and pidge sibling type fics, or more modern fics, or like more dating in secret fics for keith and lance? I'm interested

thank you for asking i have several. full disclosure i am kind of a hater in some of these. did not realize how much i had locked and loaded.

1. doesn’t need to be said but i’m saying it anyway. brown-eyed lance. if i don’t get that tag within a year i am rioting.

2. i LOOOOOOOVE modern aus. they are my bread and butter. i will read a thousand of them. i will WRITE a thousand of them. i love seeing a world built around the essence of these characters, and i love building them more. where would lance be, if he wasn’t in voltron? which of the characters are friends before the whole group finally connects? how do coran and allura fit? where do they work? where do they live? i love it. every decision is a confession.

3. i think everyone needs to have more fun with shiro and allura’s characters. for whatever reason (racism), people like to write them as the villains?? or as boring assholes who are incapable of fun and/or emotions?? anyways it’s the worst. let allura and shiro be stuoid and young and fun 2k23.

4. my favourite thing to write is weird, half analytical backstories/prequels for all the characters, and i love reading them too. what are their families like? what pets if their childhood shaped the way we see them now? who did they learn their habits from? i need to know everything. i have a specific hunk & lance fic i’m thinking about that was never finished, but that changed my entire perception of both of their characters forever. i am so nosy and people in this fandom who create these entire intricate backstories for these characters we already love are so important to me

5. keith’s fanon character in general lowkey pisses me off. i feel like people are OBSESSED with writing him very one dimensional??? like either this kind of mean emo or like tsundere blushing schoolgirl??? anyways it’s weird. keith loves his friends SO much. he cares about everyone everywhere all the time, he’s literally always thinking about what he can do to help people (or he’s being a dorky dumbass lol), he cares so much so often and so deeply. he tries his hardest and puts his all into everything. he loves hugs even though he’s awkward with it. he cries frequently. he wants a mom and at the same time he doesn’t. he loves his brother and his teammates. like??? please please PLEASE i’m begging y’all don’t do keith dirty okay

6. okay you know what’s crazy?? somehow whipped keith and whipped lance ARENT tags. insane to me. like obviously both of them are stupid wicked down bad disgustingly whipped. to me these tags are like. obvious. anyways i wish there were more works under those tags

7. instead of going on a tangent on how each individual character has been done dirty in several ways by fanon, i’m just going to beg everyone in the fandom: please please PLEASE stop making them cruel to each other. okay? they’re young. they’re struggling. they’re constantly under stress literally all the time. they don’t know how to work properly with each other yet. but they LOVE each other, okay?? so much. they would do anything to protect each other. like yes, they mess up, and sometimes they say mean things, and sometimes they just say the WRONG things, and sometimes they’re just awkward with each other!! but they aren’t fucking cruel. not a single member of that team is a cruel person. remember that they want each other to be happy and safe, okay? please. if i read one more fic where the biggest conflict is born by hatred rather than miscommunication or something i am going to lose my mind

8. however there is one specific beef i have with one character’s portrayal in our fandom: HUNK IS NOT A SMOL UWU CINNAMON ROLL. i have no idea why people pretend that he’s this guy who is just constantly smiles and sunshine and who is nice to everyone. let’s not forget that hunk is lowkey a bitch. y’all remember how he acted with nyma and rolo? he is a Judgey Person, yall. he is very dry and quick. remember that he has a little tiny smidge of a superiority complex. do y’all realize how fun it is to have someone who can just constantly cut through anyone’s shit?? who is very kind but is not, necessarily, nice??? it’s AMAZING. peak comedy. also reminder that there is a fine line with making hunk an awesome amazing talented chef and making him, the only fat character, food obsessed. please do not do that to my boy.

9. i love weirdo aus. like aus that are entirely unique and one and their own. aus for movies that have never been au’ed before. brings me so much joy

10. okay this used to be a big thing for me and i don’t write it much anymore (largely bc i don’t feel i’m very qualified too) but genderqueer lance is very important to me. genderqueer all of the team, honestly, i think we should fuck around with all of their shit, not just pidge! i read this one author who would make literally all of the teams trans & nb and it was awesome. nb hunk was something i never knew i needed but something that was so obviously true. i don’t write it too often bc i tend to make everyone very feminine (i love being a girl i love being a girl so so much it blows my mind that not everyone doesn’t want to be a girl all the time it’s AMAZING and thank you trans women for teaching me that), and i know it’s a genuine problem with over-feminization of queer characters in fanon so i don’t do it to often. but there are some amazing trans authors out there who fuck with the team’s gender beautifully and it’s a pleasure to read every single time!!

11. lol and as my username suggests, i’m a big fan of autistic lance!!! i’m also huge on adhd keith, which i know very few other people have in their fics, but i wrote an essay on it a while back and i do very much agree that autistic lance and adhd keith are canon and i would LOVE to see more people write it!!

12. you said it and i one hundred percent agree — secret dating fics my LOVE. i don’t write them much either bc a lot of my fics are very team-focused but they’re so so fun to read anyway honestly

13. EDIT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD. i love writing lance’s full name as Leandro Agustín Nuñez Carmen Esposita-McClain — or, shortened, Lance McClain

i have so many things honestly. so many tags that are everything to me and also thank you so SO much for the ask i love having a reason to ramble

[allisluv]

Okay I'm back with the career!Annie brainrot even tho you prob don't need them anymore, but I just wanna share😔

She was meant to be the greatest. She was meant to be a victory, a winner. She was meant to be rich, happy, proud. To have a family, a happy picture perfect family. Or to become like the others, to sleep with whoever she wants and to just use people for her own pleasure. The thought always disgusted her, she always preferred the picture perfect family, even though it seemed kinda boring. She wanted just to be happy and to be let to be silly at times, not the cold overachieving bitch who will do anything to win.

She was meant to be great. She was meant to be strong, because she was, she was so beautiful, she was perfect, she was meant to be fucking perfect! She has always been on the top spot at school, everyone was jealous of her, how it was meant to be. She has read more than 300 books in her entire life (or less, I don't really go for realism unfortunately lol), and when she was in a reading block after her games, that little artistic escape now stolen from her, just because she was too depressed to do it... No, it was because she was too lazy, she was no longer in shape, both physically and mentally, she was no longer a smart girl. She was burned out. She wasn't even stopping eating like the other girls. She was only increasing her eating, which was only making her feel ugly and bloated and fat, she was no longer in shape, she was no longer smart, or strong, she wasn't even pretty so people could have sympathy for her, she was fat and ugly! She knew how thinks work, she may have been stupid, but she wasn't retarded: people will have sympathy only over beauty. No one will have sympathy over a fat girl. And no matter how much finnick said that she's beautiful, or that she was still fit, she just wasn't a teenager anymore, she won't believe him. Because he deserved better. Not only a pure, but a pretty girl. He was like a god. He was the most beautiful person she has ever seen. With his bronze blonde hair, light, her light. Not like hers, dark and just bringing darkness into his life.

And when she thinks about how whorish she was once... Finnick deserved a girl that didn't remind him of the pervertness of the Capitol. She remembered how angry her parents were when they found out about what she had done with her boyfriend and then that guy before... It wasn't a high body count, but they said such cruel things to her "My daughter is going to become a fucking slut, a fucking whore! You have to study, you have to train, not to care about boys! You'll fuck when you win the fucking games! But now all the glory you could have will be stolen from you, from *us*, because you just couldn't wait! What, you think that if they ask you on the interview how many people fucked you if you don't day " no one" they'll have any sympathy over you? Over a fucking whore, over a fucking slut?". Finnick deserved better, he deserved something different than a product of the Capitol. And she would leave if he wanted to. Sure, her soul will also leave her body, but who has sympathy over weak, blood thirsty, whorish, ugly Annie Cresta? But she won't leave him. Because she hates the look of sadness in his eyes when she cries or talks herself down. Her light. The only thing keeping her sane.

What, sane? No, the Capitol says she's not sane, that means she's not. She has listened to them her entire life, letting them control her entire fucking life! But now she won't. She wasn't crazy. She was just broken. And she'll get herself back in place. But this time not only for finnick, but also for herself: sane Annie Cresta

Sorry if it's too long, I just had some thoughts 😭😭 (I reread it and why do I think this turned out like a little vent session lol)

this has made me sob annie deserves the world :((

[milogreer]

blake 🤗

rubs hands together like a supervillain. ↳ send me a character!

My first impression: BASTARD. i’ll kill you. get away from sunshine and bestie or i swear to god i’ll gut you like a fish you FREAK. etc LMAO i remember first listening to his confession audio and going to courtney like “he has been talking my fucking ear off for what feels like three hours!!!” 😭😭 he somehow managed to ride the line of annoying dickhead and actually scary villain and i absolutely couldn't stand him

My impression now: oh my god i have not been this brand of obsessed with a character in years. like. he is in my head CONSTANTLY, i’ve listened to the balance three times and i’m considering a fourth, i have at least two more rambles about him/bestie to post, he’s got the longest playlist out of all my redacted playlists. if he had merch i think i’d go broke. it’s brutal man i want him back so badly. i miss that freak.

A favorite thing: the devotion !!!! say what you will about his methods and i’ll likely agree with you but oh my god his devotion … to see the person you love the most die in your arms over and over again no matter what you do to change it and be so wrecked by it that you get involved with a cult trying to contact ancient gods for just the CHANCE to maybe save them. doing unimaginable things in your pursuit to keep them safe. to be so obsessively in love that it makes you delusionally cocky enough to look the god who just said they shaped your reality in the face and say “i’ll do whatever you need, as long as you save my love.” he's CRAZY

Least favorite thing: he is so fucking stupid LMFAO. like it’s a fantastic character trait to be so blinded to reality because he’s got tunnel vision but you can’t help but be like what the FUCK are you DOING when he does shit like dropping the ward to kill himself via shade so he can do exactly what brachium said not to. truly the guy in a horror movie you yell at for doing something so inconceivably stupid to push the plot forward and i wanna strangle him for it sometimes

Favorite line/scene: sigh … the last scene in “falling for your yandere childhood friend” … the switch on “i won’t be able to give you space” ?? COME ON. it made me sick on my first listen but now it makes me sick in the opposite direction 🫣 ughhh that scene is just so good because it’s really easy imo to go through this audio out of context of the balance overall and trick yourself into thinking like, oh, he’s just kind of a guy. aww. and then it switches and it’s like HUH?? “the things i think about you, how much i want you, it’s the stuff you’re not supposed to say out loud” + “if you pick this, it’ll be all of me - and we both know a lot of that’s not pretty” ?? oh it is so delicious.

Favorite interaction that character has with another: :modcheck: “looking for answers with your dreamwalker boyfriend” when he comes in to talk to elliott and sunshine 😫 i’m such a sucker for condescension and it just oozes out of him here. the patronizing little hums after “can i call you eli?” and “that deathwalker friend of yours really left you out to dry, huh?” and “but don’t worry. i’m sure he’s very proud of you.” >>>

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: I WANTED BRACHIUM TO BEAT HIM UP i’m so disappointed he didn’t get to feel brachium’s wrath bc he deserved to after putting sunshine and elliott through all that bullshit. i hope they face off again eventually somehow

A headcanon: when he turned 18 him and bestie went and got little tattoos out of one of those roulette/mystery egg machines. i haven’t decided what they got or where yet though because i’m too indecisive! he also has a snake tattoo like this :)

A song: I HAVE SO MANY. but the one that kicked off my blake obsession is explode by mother mother so it’ll always be one of the most important ones 💘

An unpopular opinion: kind of suggestive so i won’t Get Into It but i don’t think he’s as dominant as perhaps he would seem to be … i’ve been really back and forth on this though so don’t quote me here

[faeryfrogs]

damn kids, I've really been questioning my gender recently. Like... sometimes I wish I was a man-- but like, a very androgynous, femme man. Not really interested as being seen as a butch woman, and I've given that plenty of thought over the years as one of my close friends is a butch lesbian.

This is a weird feeling to admit to, because I thought I was pretty much done thinking about my gender and sexuality at my big age.

Overall, I wish my body shape lent itself to seeming more androgynous. I feel like my relationship with my body was fine until I hit puberty, and I've strongly disliked it ever since. I don't think I'd mind presenting as a woman so much if I were taller or skinny because it would perhaps lend itself to androgyny more than the hourglass stereotype. I've always envied, for example, women who cosplay as male characters. I don't think I can pull it off! At the same time, I have zero desire to be a 'guy's guy.' I've called myself nonbinary for a while, or I guess I'm genderfluid or genderqueer? I'll be honest, I'm not so familiar with the nuances of terminology in this case and infighting over labels in other areas of queer community (an unbelievably stupid thing to fight over imo) has me leery.

And then there's the thing slightly ironic thing where I'm hormonally intersex but stereotypically female-presenting in body type and fat distribution. I'm convinced that if I lost weight, I might appear more androgynous.

Also, I lurked on some transmasc forums and learned that more testosterone might actually help my intersex condition. Fucking crazy to learn that. If only I'd been born in a world with parents who didn't just decide that I should be a woman! I'm going to make myself sad here... but the truth is, most intersex conditions are 'corrected' by tossing the intersex person to whichever end of the gender binary they seem closer to. But let's not talk about my forced feminization, lol.

Yes, I kind of wish sometimes that I'd been born with male body parts and had gone through life that way. (Somehow, it seems easier to be androgynous as an amab person rather than an afab person. Perhaps that's a grievous misconception, if so, give me a little grace...) I also remember being envious of boys as a little kid. I do think it would have been a huge struggle in other areas though; I left the cult I was raised in partly because of how I was treated due to my assigned gender, and while I wish to believe that I always would have left no matter what, it may have been much a slower process without the catalyst of being woman-presenting in a hierarchical, violently sexist environment. And who knows, maybe I would have more deeply repressed my femininity and queer identity in a male body...

Anyways. Just something I've been thinking about a bit. I've mentioned it once to my best friend, and when meeting up with new queer folks I tend to use Max as my name instead of my more gendered birth name, but I'm not really in a place to be public about it until I'm more sure how I feel. This is honestly the first time I've put it to words at all.

Here's the other thing. I have no desire to put my body in the wringer especially with things like surgery, but I do want other people to see me as myself and not as a woman. I worry especially that without some form of external self-transformation, I will always be seen as a busty cis woman who's just quirky. Ugh.

[livwritesstuff]

hahahha character details from the series that exist in my head but not on paper yet (or do exist on paper i just don’t think i’ve mentioned it enough oop)

steve wears glasses

and in general just figured out his style while he was in college

he already knew he liked colorful shit, but over time he figured out different fabrics and textures and then learned how to mix and match everything to make really nice cohesive outfits

his style is p similar to robins which drives her crazy

steve listens to NPR and is stupid good at Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. robin continues to think he’s the lamest person on the planet and cannot believe he was ever the most popular guy in their high school

eddie has facial hair - i think it gets mentioned like 1.5 times but that was a struggle bc i really can’t figure out how to describe it in ways that doesn’t make me want to barf

for clarity, i am a lesbian :)

steve dated a bi girl in college who whipped his ass entirely into shape - not that a straight girl couldn’t have done it, but steve had never met someone before who was so unapologetic about not living within the confines of gender roles. she was the first person he dated who was really adamant about checking in with him and making sure he was alright emotionally and refused to let him fall victim to typical gender-based dating scripts

they broke up bc their personalities clash a little too much, but they stayed friends for a while and robin was so jealous (and a little salty that she never seemed even a little into her)

nancy crochets - it’s pretty much her main hobby and has been for a long time. she taught el how to do it and has been trying to teach eddie for ages

he refuses because he’s fairly positive it would end their friendship

steve is a lego guy :)))) whenever he has extra money he’s almost always gonna spend it on a lego set

he gets very good at it too - he can power through a ~200-piece set in like thirty minutes and he always asks robin if she wants to help because he loves her and wants to spend time with her, but it only took one set for her to realize that he is annoying as hell about it and goes way faster than her and gets fidgety waiting for her to finish her section so she never says yes again

back in the mid-eighties, the boys (will, mike, dustin, and lucas) were obsessed with robin

not in a crush type of way

they just genuinely thought she was the coolest person on the planet

el and lucas bake together all the time

steve thinks they’re pretty good and wishes they’d use lucas’s business degree to open a bakery even though he knows they wont

ever since robin and steve had their own place together, eddie has gifted them a stupid novelty calender every year around the holidays

robin is p much the definition of a maximalist and it 100% shows in her and steves apartment

he kinda just lets her do whatever bc he doesn’t care as long as he’s not tripping over shit, but she’s always adding art and photos to the walls and buying little cups and mugs and trinkets and dragging in weird furniture she found on the street up to the fourth floor walk-up

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

fellow lawyer here but just graduated in may! any tips on not going absolutely insane during bar studying? we’re 3 weeks out and i feel like im going to puke constantly.

omg congrats!!! there’s nothing quite like your bar summer (i still have nightmares even though i’m a few years out lol)

i’m probably the worst person to ask for advice bc i drank 2-3 trenta black iced coffees a day and gave myself an ulcer, but i did pass on the first try so it was worth it

with just a couple of weeks left, my best advice is to trust yourself and trust your studying. you know more than you think you know!! but here’s a few more little bits of advice under the cut ☺️

stop studying about halfway through the day on the sunday before the test and just let your brain breathe, don’t study on monday either. the last few days before the test it’s going to feel like you know NOTHING, but i promise that’s not the case. random obscure little laws will pop into your brain while you’re taking the test and you’ll be surprised at what you recall. i have never felt stupider than when i went into the test on tuesday morning.

don’t let people around you stress you out with their method of studying. people will be rattling off statutes and ucc sections and you’ll feel like an idiot. or they’ll be taking time off from studying and making it look easy, but you can’t be concerned with what other people are doing (unless you surround yourself with friends who study in a similar manner, then embrace that and quiz each other with flash cards)

take little breaks during the day to walk around, outside or even a lap of the library. sitting still after a couple of hours drove me crazy

i put screen time limits on every app and allowed myself a few minutes to scroll socials at lunchtime and the end of the day just to wind down (i also watched a lot of yankee games when i was done studying for the night bc i didn’t need to use my brain and was distracted lol)

i did SO MANY practice essays and mpts, which i think is like the key to passing. towards the end of prep, i was just bullet pointing the issues, laws and analysis, not even writing a full essay because i wanted to make sure i could issue spot. and remember that even if you forget a law, you can make one up and apply your facts to your made up law and you’ll still get points!! better to write ANYTHING than NOTHING

it’s totally natural to feel like puking every day because it’s three months of psychological warfare, tbh. follow your bar prep schedule and don’t worry about falling behind a bit or skipping around. my professors told as that as long as you completed like 90-95% of the barbri schedule, we were in good shape

i cried every day of the last two weeks of bar prep, but not for longer than a few minutes. i just needed to get the emotion out

don’t eat anything too heavy or out of the norm the days leading up to the test. you don’t want to have gastro issues while sitting for the test! i didn’t drink that much while i was taking the test bc i didn’t want to have to run to the bathroom lol

you’ll feel totally numb afterwards and i couldn’t remember a single question by the time i got home, which is def the brain protecting itself from obsessing until results are out

it sucks so much, but the test goes faster than you think it will and you’re so much more prepared than you think you are, i promise!!!

GOOD LUCK and let me know how you feel after you take it!!! rooting for you so hard!!! 🤍🤍🤍

[samieree]

Dawn of the North || Robb Stark

Robb Stark x OC

-> Chapter IX "The Twins"

Chapter X ''Wildlings''

Due to the amount of time saved by traveling on the dragon, Amalthea was free to fly out and do a few more things. And one of them was the desire to go a little further north, to the wall.

She had the opportunity to see Wildlings many times, although her parents always warned her about them.

They said they were dangerous, that they were people without any hierarchy in their community, uncouth. They couldn't say they were afraid of them, though. Sitting in a kingdom surrounded by high walls, they had no reason to fear them.

But what about these "barbarians"? Well, they had more reasons to be afraid. Just as they had never bent the knee to anyone, in this case they were actually afraid. They felt respect for the family that, with only one word, could make their community cease to exist. They didn't expose themselves to them, it was that type of silent hatred when you wanted to but couldn't do anything about something. It doesn't matter how much effort you put into it.

And that's how it went, they seemed to live in the same land, but they didn't touch each other, they didn't try to get along in any way.

Except Amy.

Many times during her trips outside the kingdom's walls, she also visited one of her friends, Tormund.

It was... A strange acquaintance. At first there was no indication that they would be good friends, after all, Amy belonged to the family of those "dangerous with dragons". The beginnings of their friendship were of course not easy, especially due to the differences in the entourage in which their characters were shaped, but they got along. A princess and a slightly crazy warrior, quite an unusual combination, but surprisingly it works. Returning, the silver-haired girl jumped off her dragon's back near the camp she saw in the snowy wastelands. She wasn’t afraid as she walked among the tents, feeling the eyes of everyone she passed. Each of them knew where she came from, they could hear the beast that was now lying on the ground in the distance, resting a bit after flying. They weren't stupid, they knew that if they raised a hand to her, the dragon would react immediately and they would be dead.

That's why they preferred to remain silent, some didn't even look up.

"Amy? Amy!" the first brave person who decided to speak was the previously mentioned Tormund. When he saw her, he laughed and spread his arms, smiling broadly. "My favorite daughter of dragons!"

She rolled her eyes and hugged him briefly, smiling back.

"Yes, it's nice to see you too..." She adjusted the gloves on her hands a little, looking around at the people gathered around who were watching her carefully.

"And they're all grumpy as usual..." he sighed, wrapping his arm loosely around her and starting to walk slowly through the camp with her. "What brings you here anyway? Have you decided to visit your old friend Tormund and check if he's still alive?"

"I just have some free time." she replied, slightly evasive. "As for your life and death, I was sure you would handle everything. Somehow, but you do."

"Of course I do! And that's even good, because you know, the most important thing in life is to..."

And at that moment he began his monologue, presenting Amy his original idea for a perfect life according to his standards.

While Amy was talking to Tormund, taking a break from thinking about what was going on around her, much further south, Robb Stark was walking along the outskirts of his camp with Talisa. In fact, at first he was walking alone, thinking calmly, when the girl joined him.

"You’re suited for each other." she said unexpectedly, smiling gently.

"Excuse me?" he stopped abruptly, looking at Talisa a little incomprehensibly. "What do you mean?' "I'm talking about my friend." ignoring him, she began to walk slowly further. "You look nice together." she added. "Except that she went somewhere..."

"She'll come back." he assured her, but he didn't move from his spot.

To tell the truth, it was Amalthea who he had been thinking about a lot lately. He has already come to terms with the fact that he quarreled with his mother over all this and that she holds a grudge against him, blaming the girl and... Honestly, that's why he was a little afraid of what his mother would do when Amy came back to camp. It was certain that she would be rude to her, or at least cold, but would she go further?

He had doubts. He wasn't sure whether she would respect his decision and be happy for her child, or try to change something.

"I know." Talisa said, turning to the boy for a moment and walking with her back to the wind. "I just don't know when."

At this point she had already moved on in a direction only known to herself. However, it wasn't long before someone disturbed his peace again.

"Your Grace...!" began the man on the horse. "The Kingslayer has escaped!"

"How?" he asked quite calmly, looking at the situation. It was as if he didn't fully understand what had happened yet. "How?!"

* * *

"I hope it's a lie." he said as he ran with his guards into his mother's tent. "Tell me it's not true..."

Catelyn couldn't say it. Instead, she remained silent, sitting at the table and looking aimlessly at the papers spread out on it. She expected Robb to react like that, but at the same time she felt like she had no choice, that she had to do it.

"Why?" he asked angrily when, after a long moment of silence, he realized that everything soldiers said was true. "Why did you free him?"

"For the girls, for your sisters." she replied, shifting her gaze to him, hoping he would understand why she did it.

He breathed out, trying to calm his nerves. He didn't believe it, he just couldn't understand that his own mother would do something like that... Do something against him and their cause…

"You had no right to do it, you didn't ask me anything..."

"I knew you would not agree."

"Of course I would not agree! He was our most valuable hostage!" he couldn't just keep his nerves under control any longer. Nothing had ever made him so angry as this. "You think Tywin Lannister will free my sisters just because you did it with his son?" he paused for a moment, giving her time to realize her mistake. "You weakened us."

"At least I did something instead of only thinking about my personal pleasures!"

"She is to be guarded day and night." he said to the guards, ignoring her words, but only because he knew that he might soon say something he would regret later. "How many people are looking for the Kingslayer?"

"Twenty, on the fastest horses."

"Send another twenty." he added, leaving the tent.

"Robb..." Catelyn said again, wanting to stop her son, but he didn't care and just continued on his way.

He would like his mother to be right about one thing, namely that he didn't care about anything that was happening around him or the people he led, that he was just focusing on his own happiness...

But that wasn't possible.

Especially now, when his own mother only added to his worries...

~

-> Chapter XI "The Letter" -> general masterlist -> Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon masterlist

[navree]

What do you think about the greyjoys characters in the book?

Balon - I think he's an ass. That's really all there is to it, I just think he's an ass and I don't feel all that much about him.

Victarion - I'm gonna be honest I find Victarion to be extraordinarily fucking funny. He's stupid as all Hell and he's got levels of self delusion to rival Cersei, but with none of the gender issues that make Cersei toe the line between hilarious and heartbreaking, so he's just hilarious. Victarion's chapters are always a nice bit of breathing room for me because it's just him Being Victarion while everything else is getting dark and heavy.

Euron - As a person, Euron is godawful, as a person he's my least favorite Greyjoy just because of how horrendous of a person he is, he's so incredibly vile and evil that I want to beat him to death with a hammer. As a character, he's fantastic. He's genuinely scary (reading about him through Aeron's eyes can be honestly terrifying), and he's such a chaotic element that we haven't seen before. He's as unrepentant as the likes of Ramsay or Joffrey, but without their disorder, yet he's not as calculated politically as someone like Littlefinger, though he's certainly not a buffoon in that regard. He's got a plan, but it's crazy and no one's entirely sure what it is and he's definitely crazy but he's just got zero morals, no sense of anything other than what he wants, and he's definitely going to somehow raise up a giant fucking sea monster at some point. And also fuck the show for what they did to him.

Theon - He's an interesting one for me. Like most people I think, I found book 1 and 2 Theon to be completely insufferable. He's an asshole with delusions of grandeur and he's just kind of a dick who throws temper tantrums and cannot admit when he's wrong or doing something he shouldn't. His entire "Prince of Winterfell" arc is just being in the head of this annoying brat who wants me to feel bad for him cuz he murdered people and Daddy didn't love him, I just wanted to shake him and yell "grow up!". But now, I'm curious about Theon. We haven't actually seen a whole lot of Theon after ACOK, we've been seeing the war between Theon and Reek, and he's only recently managed to shake off some of that conditioning, but he's still fascinating from a character perspective. To have fallen so far and to watch him claw his way back up to being himself, to see how his experiences have shaped him, it makes me interested in seeing how he'll be in the last two books of the series (I'm keeping the faith that we'll get them one day). And how that relates to the story's overall themes of identity and the self is always very interesting to keep in mind when reading his chapters.

Asha - I like Asha, I think she's neat. Like, I genuinely enjoy her, I enjoy her character and I enjoy when her point of view chapters show up, I like her personality and her arc in the story thus far and I especially appreciate how unabashed she is. She's bold and she's willful and she's going to do her own thing no matter what anyone says, she's got a strong sense of self and a strong drive to do what she wants and how she sees things, without being reckless or stupid. She's earned what she has, the loyalty of people around her and the respect of her crew and the positions she has, and I like that. And I like her defiance of Westerosi gender roles, that she not just knows what she wants but what she doesn't want, and fuck society for trying to enforce that on her, she's going to live her life the way she sees fit. I'm rooting for Asha, I hope she gets everything she wants.

Aeron - Listen, I do not know why Aeron is such a top character for me. I don't know why he leaped out so strongly, but he did and I genuinely adore him. For one, his scenes in ACOK are incredibly fun, because Theon's just being a little asshole and Aeron is not taking it and just being the perennial straight man, which I love. And then once we get to learn more about him, I just...For one, Aeron, like a lot of my fave ASOIAF, tends to break the mold of what we tend to see from this world. A lot of POV characters in ASOIAF are situationally religious, they believe in the gods that they believe in because that's just the societal custom of the time and don't seem to actually feel all that much about faith, a lot of them bordering on being atheist. Aeron is one of the very, very few people who not alone believes in what he believes, but believes wholeheartedly, is incredibly and fiercely devout to his religion and lives his life in direct service to not only propagating the faith but also living by it himself as best he can (Melisandre's the only other character that fits that description, I think), and that's a new perspective we don't get in this series that I enjoy. Aeron's also an incredibly complex character that is fascinating to read about and think on. He started out as a fun loving guy, and then when he almost drowns he turns himself around and is incredibly serious about dedicating his life to being a priest of the Drowned God, and all the lifestyle and personality changes that entails. He doesn't do thing by halves, when he has goals he sticks to them no matter what, and he does have beliefs that he clings to wholeheartedly, not just his faith but also in genuinely wanting what's best for the Iron Islands and the Ironborn, the entire reason he calls the Kingsmoot is to make sure that Euron doesn't become king, oh Aeron. And there's a fierce heartbreak in his story, in what he went through at Euron's hands when he was just a kid, and how that's shaped him throughout his life, how he probably went with being amiable and debaucherous to try and cope with his trauma, and then turned completely to religion later on (that quote about him searching for the Drowned God within him when Euron wins the Kingsmoot and finding nothing, only the sound of the door hinge.........God it tears me up). And he won't compromise himself, he won't join Euron even to save himself, even when Euron's torturing him in the released TWOW chapters, he tries his hardest to stay true to himself. And even with all his seriousness and hardness and the fact that anyone who had to deal with Aeron dealt with as a child would be well within their rights to be incredibly embittered, he still tries to look out for people best as he can, not just his drowned men but even strangers, he does genuinely try to give Falia warning to get away from Euron as quickly as she can, even though Falia means nothing to him, just because he knows what Euron is. He's an incredibly fascinating and deeply tragic character and I am going to be weeping into my pillow when he dies.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Ghosts of Christmas Past

On Christmas Eve in 2003, J and I had just met in person ten days prior. We’d talked to each other every day since I first emailed him, though, and while I knew he had plans with family and friends on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (and so did I), and we were ‘new,’ so we didn’t have plans to spend actual time together those days, I expected a message or a call.  He’d already set up that expectation. We spoke briefly in the middle of our respective plans on Christmas Eve, but on Christmas Day, I just waited. And waited. And no contact came. Not when I was totally distracted with family over for brunch at my new condo I’d just bought late that summer, aching for a message alert or the phone to ring. Not before going to an extended family gathering where I got asked (again) if I was seeing anyone and I (finally!) got to say I’d met someone. Someone really special.

Several family members: Why didn’t you bring him?!

Me: <out loud> We’re brand new. That’s a big deal, bringing him to this. <true…but internally, I was thinking, 'Because I LIKE this man and you guys are loud and nosy and sometimes crazy, so…’>

I didn’t hear from him all day. I still remember the sad anxiety I felt. I thought he forgot about me (lots of people did…and still do). I thought he made a choice against me in favor of someone or something more entertaining, less complicated, more or less of something I wasn’t enough or was too much of (lots of people did…and still do), and he’d not only not contact me on that Christmas, but never again. Finally, after nine at night, he called.

“I’d have called sooner, but I was in the emergency room.” He’d gotten in a serious car accident. Some uninsured, reckless idiot hit him and totaled a classic car he’d restored himself, so I never got to ride in it. J just let it go, so I did too. We went out to dinner the next evening, the day after Christmas, with my parents and younger brother…their first time meeting J…and he had a bandage on his forehead (he still has the scar). He met my two best friends at the time that day too. With a bandaged forehead. I felt stupid for not trusting his interest in me and commitment to me. I still kind of feel stupid about it now, 20 years later. J never has been like all the other people in my life. He’s always set himself apart (in good ways).

We had some family over to our house to celebrate the holidays a bit early in 2018, and a couple of these folks who came over are fairly transparently lonely people. They didn’t really have anywhere else to go for the holidays but our house, and no one else to really spend the holidays with (these two folks spend all the holidays at our house now; the ones safe to spend together anyway). J and I stayed up talking that night about how lucky we were to have each other. We both felt that kind of lonely, even with people all around us, before we met each other. J said, 'I remember how much I liked going to work, even when my job was stressful, just to have people to talk to.’ I remember that too. We’d both gotten good at being alone. We didn’t 'settle’ for each other, but rather found relief in the connection we made, even very early in our relationship. It would have been easy to just settle for anybody to not be alone, but neither of us did. Meeting J…spending time with J…has always felt like comfort and excitement wrapped up in the same package. Being with him always beats being alone, and it always has, and I’ve never been able to say that about another person I’ve spent regular time with.

Maybe that Christmas…our first one together in our very beginning…shaped the way I think of and treat J. I’ll never take him for granted, because I could have lost him. Right after meeting him…right after I found him. Every Christmas, just for a little while, maybe even only a moment, when we are celebrating, I think of that Christmas and waiting for him to call, and the relief I felt at first just because he didn’t forget about me, but then, more importantly, that he was alright. That I didn’t lose him. That’s a gift to me every year. Every day. That I still have J.

I have a friend who is entertained by my quirky ability to connect up song lyrics to my life like it has a soundtrack, so here’s the Meghan Trainor and John Legend song that goes with Christmas with J. It’s not a holiday song for most people, but it’s become one for me, I guess.

Happy Holidays to all of you. May you see the gifts you have in the people in your life. Every day. And may you never take each other for granted. (Artwork is classic Norman Rockwell for Christmas.)

[purplesurveys]

1622

Have you ever had a dream that your teeth were falling out? Once or twice. I remember this mainly because it’s my sister who gets this type of dream all the time, so when I had the same I immediately shared it with her.

Do you have a fence? We used to, but we took it out more than half a decade ago.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? Doesn’t always for some people. I like to believe it for myself though, at least.

When was the last time you went bowling? Oh gee. That time had to have been around 4-5 years ago.

Who was the last person you disappointed? I’m not sure, maybe Bea? I have some slip-ups at work here and there and I may have disappointed/slightly pissed her off in those moments.

Would you ever get a significant other’s name tattooed on yourself? I’d consider initials, but not an entire name. Even then I’m not entirely sure I’d actually do this; like if that relationship ultimately failed I’d hate myself for getting the tattoo.

Name one unpopular opinion of yours: Fruits suck.

Has the person you like ever made you upset? I don’t like anyone.

What is one thing people automatically notice about you? These days, it’s the fact that I wear braces, I guess.

Does anyone know your deepest darkest secret? That would be this blog, and yeah a couple of people know about it but never check it out as far as I know.

If you were getting unwanted attention by some creeper, would the person you like stand up for you? I’m really not into anyone...

Favorite kind of soda? I dislike soda, but in a hypothetical situation where it was the only thing available I’d probably ask for a Sprite. Idk if it’s the same for anyone else but the fizz (which I hate) is milder to me than other softdrinks, which makes it more tolerable for me.

Are you closer to your mother or father? My dad. Both because he’s away far more often and because we’re also simply more similar.

Are you afraid of the dark? Nah; I’d be afraid of it only if I was in some abandoned or ‘haunted’ spot.

What’s your favorite shape? I don’t have a favorite shape.

How social are you? Pretty damn social. I try to find people to talk to regardless of where I am lmao; unfortunately for me Filipinos by nature are very guarded and they like keeping to themselves – and for the most part find it weird when you try talking to them.

What’s your favorite primary color? Blue!

Do you like hot chocolate? For the most part I find it just okay, but I take great exception with Spanish hot chocolate. So good it’s almost stupid.

What do you have pierced? Just my earlobes.

What’s your favorite type of tea? I don’t like tea.

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? Oh, so many channels. I’m not strict or crazy organized about curating my subscriptions; like I’m still subscribed to channels that I subscribed to in like 2010 lol. These days though I keep my views to any BTS-related channel and my latest obsession, Team Payaman hehehehe.

What’s your favorite thing about the winter? I wouldn’t know.

What motivates you? Money. And the desire to travel, which technically is still related to money.

Would you rather have a hot tub or a pool? Pool. I don’t need a hot tub in a country where the temperature is constantly above the 30s.

What’s your favorite Yankee Candle scent? I’m not a regular scented candle user, much less a Yankee Candle customer so I’m not familiar with their line-up.

Would you rather learn how to play the ukulele or guitar? Guitar.

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? Watching BTS, getting food delivery, or scrolling through Instagram reels and Reddit. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I already have two of them. :)

What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don’t entirely disagree with the whole concept of work; I personally think it’s an acceptable way to work on your skills while at the same time make a living. What I hate are the 8-hour, 5-day standard of work weeks; the idea that you can always be called to work overtime and weekends and not have much of a choice; and the idea that being employed is basically a contract to keep your phone constantly alive in the case of any urgent matter to attend to.

Do you believe in astrology? Nooooooooooo no no no no.

What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Outside the events I’ve mounted for work...not much. I’m not creative enough to make things by myself.

Do you have any cultural or family traditions that you know are uncommon in the area that you reside in currently? No, we never really did have any quirky or unique tradition in the family.

What are you grandparents' names? Not sharing those.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Just playful ones.

The last time you got blood drawn, what was the reason? 2020, to figure out what the fuck was causing my fever that wouldn’t go away.

Where are you, exactly, right now? I’m on my ‘couch’ in the bedroom, having Jungkook’s chicken mukbang the night before in the background. I say couch because my mom and I recently did this cute thing with my room where instead of getting an Actual Couch, we got these foldable mattresses that kind of stack up – we got two of them, so when placed together it totally looks like this adorable mini sofa haha.

What is your relation to the last child you spoke to? I can’t even remember that...maybe Camille’s niece? She brought her to work like last August.

Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, I find it interesting actually. Biology and anatomy are also some of my fav branches of science so seeing organs has never bothered me.

Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? Nope, never even seen one.

Have you ever seen a volcano? Sure! We have a couple ones here that I’ve visited.

Have you ever met an Alaskan? I don’t think so.

Describe how you’ve broken a bone, if you have. Never had a broken bone. I have sprained my left ankle twice though – once in school, when I tripped on my way to my car 🙃 and the second was on my birthday weekend last year, tripping over stairs after having had a handful of shots.

Choose 5 friends, and briefly describe their relationship status. Angela’s been in a long-term relationship the last 8 years; Reena’s single; Kata’s single; Jo is single as far as I know; and Kaye is seeing someone. 

Describe the last situation in which you found yourself feeling awkward. My teammates were invited to the (very bougie) 123rd anniversary party of a major broadsheet, but we all traveled separately and I arrived too early so I was standing awkwardly for an hour while surrounded with a bunch of 50, 60, 70 somethings. Hated every minute of it.

Do you have a neighbor you'd like to get to know more? Not so much but I just wanna know if there are any other BTS fans here so I can befriend them and get them cookies and invite them from time to time to watch whatever lol.

If you're female, would you rather be called a girl, woman, gal, chick, b*tch, or lady? Woman.

What magazines did you like to read as a teenager? So magazines were in their heyday when I was a kid, so the ones I used to collect were those targeted for my age group, like K-Zone and Total Girl. Oh I do remember my dad also supporting my love for wrestling and getting me WWE and PWI magazines, too.

Did you use Lisa Frank folders in school when you were younger? I didn’t. The rich kids had a ton of Lisa Frank stuff though.

Do you watch any doctors' channels on YouTube? No. I’m subscribed to Institute of Human Anatomy though and watch their videos from time to time.

Have you ever lived in a house that was on a street corner? We never have.

What’s your favorite app? These days I have YouTube on pretty much, like, 18-20 hours out of 24. It’s the first thing I open and the last thing I close.

Do you want any tattoos? I only ever consider them and think of my dream designs, but never push through with an appointment because needles and I don’t mix.

What is the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Why We Ever by Hayley Williams. Also her songs HYD, Trigger, and Wait On. I have such a complicated relationship with her music, as much as I hate to admit it; her albums sat beside me and kept me company during what was arguably the darkest point of my life, but the obvious downside to that is I can’t really listen to those albums anymore without getting hurled back to that time.

Are you afraid of snakes? I mean if I saw them in the wild and they turned out to be venomous then yeah I’d be shitting my pants. I’m not afraid in more contained situations though and I’ve actually held snakes before.

Which “famous couple” is your favorite? Bey and Jay are a given, but I also like David and Victoria Beckham because of how cute and close their family is. What’s your favorite love song? Yellow by Coldplay.

How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? I personally think the “In a relationship with” feature is cringey so it’s not at all important to me. But I’m all for other ways of showing that a relationship is official, like sharing photos or writing appreciation posts for a significant other. Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? Submissive.

What career do you want? I already love being in communications and PR.

What about having kids? I wanted kids in the past, but I’ve moved past that. I like to think that in another universe I’ve happily got the two-kids soccer-mom picket-fence life I once dreamed of having.

Do you think you’ll marry your current significant other? I don’t have one and don’t think I’ll ever want to be in a relationship again.

How did your first serious breakup go? Not counting the one from high school, I’ve had one serious breakup and it went just about as bad as bad gets. Didn’t show up to family and friends for months (in fact my phone will literally show you I had no activity from Sept 2020 to, like, Feb 2021), barely ate, didn’t see a life past 2020 basically.

[TW: SELF-HARM] Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah.

The first time you dumped someone, was it hard? I’ve never dumped anyone.

Do you regret who you lost your virginity to? Eh, no. I wanted it at the time.

Do you watch WWE Raw? Not anymore, but I continue to check in for the major events like the Rumble and Wrestlemania. I can’t even tell you a single current running angle.

Do you dye your hair? Not regularly, but yes I did it twice last year and plan on having it redyed to purple again.

Which of your parents will you see next? My mom. My dad and I aren’t seeing one another again until like May.

Have you ever been hospitalized? Just once.

Do you make fun of obese people? Not because they’re obese, because that’s sick. But sometimes there’ll be those videos of racist people in those scooter things harassing Asians and telling them to get out and threatening to call the police or run them over or whatever. Those always get me into frustrated laughter every time lol.

Do you eat when you’re upset? No. I lose my appetite when I’m upset or nervous.

One word to describe your most recent ex? I barely have any memory of that person, so let’s go with the most boring, inconclusive answer I can think of lol: girl.

Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? Scrambled.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? BGC.

Where wouldn’t you want to live? The grossness that is Cubao.

Name three things that are overrated: Superhero movies, Taylor Swift, the whole 90s fashion throwback thing going on right now.

List four things about your facial appearance: I wear glasses; I have braces; I have one prominent dimple on the left side of my mouth, but another one on the right side will shyly peek out if I smile hard enough; I have the faintest eyebrow scar that you’ll see if you’re close enough.

List four things about your general appearance: I’m petite in height and body type; my arms and legs are pretty long; I practically have no boobs; my hair is currently sporting an ash brown shade that is rapidly fading into a brighter brown.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? I was rewatching a few of the boys’ lives earlier this evening and was laughing over some of their jokes.

How many weddings have you ever been to? I can’t tell how many I’ve been to (because all of them happened when I was a kid, so I barely remember them), but I can share that I haven’t been to a wedding since ‘07.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather? No.

How old are your parents? My dad is 52, mom’s turning the same age this September.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? Unholy by Sam Smith and Kim Petras.

What’s your boss’s first name? Do you call him/her by that name? My immediate superior is Bea, and yeah our workplace operates on a first-name basis. It was a deliberate decision so that nobody feels intimidated and so that everyone, down to the associates, would feel confident and comfortable sharing their ideas.

--

What is your favorite thing to cook or bake?: I do neither. The kitchen and I do not mix, haha.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower?: It would largely depend on how big of an asshole they’re being. If I catch them having been idiots to other drivers then I’d drive slower; but if I can tell they’re genuinely in a hurry or in an emergency, I’d either drive faster or (if there’s space) move aside so they can go ahead.

What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at?: You can usually find me at a coffee shop.

Do you have any checks that you need to cash or deposit?: No.

Do you know how to use AutoCAD software?: No. I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what that is.

Do you read peoples' answers to the surveys you've created?: I don’t make my own surveys but I do read answers that I come across on my dashboard. What is your least favorite household chore?: Folding laundry. There are just so many clothes lol and the repetitive motions make me feel restless. What career field are you in/would you like to be in?: Like I said in the previous survey, I like where I am and it’s not so much a matter of figuring out what career I wanna be in, but more so on figuring out what places or companies can offer me the biggest opportunities. Meaning to say I already like being in PR, but it would be cool to one day work PR for a company I genuinely follow and support, like WWE.

Have you ever been snorkeling?: Sure.

Why did you last see a doctor?: Dentists count as doctors, right? I got braces last Saturday. How often do you check your email?: Only during weekdays. My work email is off-limits on weekends.

What is your favorite outdoor activity?: I wish I had an answer to this but the Philippines barely has any public spaces.

Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you?: No, we are pretty spread out on both my mom’s and dad’s sides.

Have you ever participated in a medical study?: Nah.

Do you have any magnets on your refrigerator?: Yep, magnets from all the countries my dad has traveled to for work. He’s been to every continent except Africa and Antarctica.

What is the last thing you got in the mail?: Indigo :) Got both versions.

Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like?: Virtually all fruits.

Have you ever donated to a charity?: Yes.

What is your favorite kind of soup?: Mushroom soup and miso soup.

How long would it take to drive from your current home to the last place you lived?: 15 minutes only because of how ridiculously far my house is to the entrance of our village. If we lived any closer to the front it would take literally only 5.

What do you usually order from Subway?: I don’t even know what options there are at Subway haha, I never order anything from there.

Are you the oldest of your siblings?: Yes.

Are you the oldest of your cousins? Nah. I’m the second-eldest on my mom’s side, and the third-eldest on my dad’s. And that’s only referring to first cousins.

What is the most expensive thing you own?: My car.

Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster?: Nope.

Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors?: As far as I know, no.

Describe your favorite pair of sunglasses.: I don’t have one.

Are most of your friends shorter or taller than you?: Most definitely taller. I’m the short-ish friend.

Are you allergic to any medications?: Not that I know of.

Do you have any licenses other than your drivers license?: Nah.

What's your favorite Nintendo 64 game?: I didn’t grow up with an N64.

What all do you have on your keyring?: Two Tata keychains, car key, house key.

Would you rather ski or snowboard?: Idek the difference. What job does your significant other have?: I don’t have one.

Which class would you rather take: computer programming or astronomy?: Astronomy in a heartbeeeeeeeat. I love outer space.

When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school?: Ditch all my homework, play outside, watch TV.

Is your favorite movie part of a series?: It isn’t.

[kickingupdust]

Virtual Diary Entry #14

Oct 12, 2022. 

Today is the anniversary of my best friend’s death. Today was not as hard as the first one. Definitely not as hard as the day she left. It’s easier to deal with when I think of all of the hatred and anguish of the material world and know that she did not deserve to be subject to any more of it. She is genuinely better off where she is. Grief rises from a place of selfishness, self-servitude. Desire. The desire for one more chance, one more opportunity to set things right, one more look into their eyes, one more laugh, one more awkward silence, another note of her voice. 

I do still wish she was here, I do battle the selfishness that comes with loss. With each passing year, with each butterfly that lands on me at an opportune moment, I feel less desire for her return. However, I love her. I always did and I always will. And losing her love is one of the biggest plights I will face in this lifetime. 

That’s enough about that. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. That’s why it has become easier over time, because I just deny any passage to the thoughts. I think that is really the only way. 

Oct 13, 2022

I’m so sorry that you have to have a body. One that doesn’t know what’s best for it. One you try to trust, but no matter what, you just can’t know it well enough. Cannot tend its needs well enough. I wish for nothing more than to unite the head and the heart. 

I wish I could show myself the love I so desperately crave. But, I want it from someone else. I want it to be materialized. Hugs and kisses. I cannot give myself those things. Surprises, flowers on the counter when I get home. Little things. Remembering my coffee order.

I wish someone wanted me. I’m normally just kept around for what I can offer, not because someone actually loves or cares for me. But I’ve got an angry heart. 

I know I can never be loved at this rate. I am not a courageous person. Determined, maybe. But what it really takes is courage. 

I think I am still missing my late friend. I think about how different I felt then. I won’t pay it too much mind though, that is just asking to be sad. 

I’m not even really sure what to talk about. Type about? 

I feel really annoying. Like I’m a sore on a beautiful woman’s face. 

That doesn’t even make much sense. I just feel really undesirable. Like a loser. I feel unworthy of love but at the same time I know I am wonderful and could offer the best love a person has ever recieved. I’m just crazy. 

Maybe it’s better to be alone. So I don’t have to put anyone through this. Or keep putting myself through it. 

I just wish for so much. I know the good will come to me someday. I have tried acting in the best interest of all, not just me. I’m working on that though. I am still extremely selfish and self serving. I have emotional reactions to things. I don’t always tend the things I need to be tending. 

I am really sick of feeling this way. I sometimes wonder what it’d be like to just be someone else for a day. I often wish I could have a little break where I did just that. 

When I was younger I had this grand scheme to just buy a bus ticket and get the fuck. I realized after numerous haircuts and eyebrow shapes that I have a very moldable face, one that is easily disguised. I wanted to run away and change my identity. Maybe be homeless. Maybe walk to another country. Chris McCandless style. 

I probably would’ve ended up on heroin, assaulted, and dead. 

I always thought it was probably better for me in the long run that I got pregnant as a teenager. It kept me from doing alot of stupid shit. Not all stupid shit, because I still do stupid shit. Just not as stupid as I was. Like dropping acid under a train bridge. I mean that was a pretty cool experience but it was not a smart thing to do. 

The dumbest thing I do these days is look for love. It exists within me and all around me, yet I still seek it as if my life is completely devoid of it. I just miss having someone to love I guess. I don’t really even know what it is. The people I have loved and do love have a really hard time accepting love from me due to my volatile nature. Its entirely my fault. Written in the stars that I would struggle and be difficult to others. I know I deserve good things as much as the next person, it’s just hard to feel like I do. Deep down I don’t think I do. But on the surface I affirm to myself that plenty of bad people have experienced so much good, and it makes me jealous, and it makes me say I deserve it all the same as them. That doesn’t make sense, does it. 

Doesn’t matter. Nothing really does. I could keep being an idiot in love forever if I wanted. And in general. I just need to focus on my career. I know that won’t bring me much happiness but it’ll be a step toward having my own place and I know that would make me happy. Getting to exert full control over an environment, I know it’d serve my control freak ass well. 

I wish I was carefree. 

FUCK?

Stop wishing for shit, dude. I need to be happy with what I have, I have so much. I have so much more than I could’ve ever gained on my own, and it’s all been with the help of others. What happened to graciousness, my man? 

I stopped biting my nails. I’m really grateful for that. I’ve gotten better at painting my nails. Me and my sister are great friends. I cut off and blocked all my ex’s. I have a nice shiny laptop to use for school next semester. I got granted money to go to school. I have a place to live. I have groceries in the house, plenty of food. I have clean water for drinking and showering. I have 2 really cute dogs. I have an awesome son, he’s a hellcat but I know he’ll be great one day. He’s already great, I just mean I see him capable of doing great things. He is so smart. 

I have a bunch of colorful pens, all the art supplies a starving artist could want. I have friends. I have both my parents still. I have one set of grandparents left. I have a TV in my room. I have a spotify subscription that comes with Hulu. I’m surrounded by beautiful scenery every day. Butterflies, trees, gentle wind and good weather. I have plenty to be grateful for and somehow I still dwell on the one thing I don’t have, a partner. 

Give it up. From now on I need to come and type all the reasons why I’m fine the way I am. And how being with someone won’t make anything any better. About how I make myself miserable instead of just accepting my beautiful life for what it is and being okay with it. 

Realistically I know I won’t do that but it’s a nice thought. I can’t wait to go back to school and try half as hard as I’m capable of. I’m ready to ditch the perfectionist tendencies.

[dadkisser15]

I’m actually going to cry why do I miss him so much right now ☹️

He’s asleep and I don’t really want to sleep yet because I want to speak with him but I’m just doomscrolling on TikTok as one does and I decided that I missed his face and opened up my camera roll and he sent me this picture that his brother took of him sleeping earlier and it’s just so cute. Oh there’s tears in my eyes I really really like this man ,,,,,

He just looks so beautiful, he wouldn’t believe me if I told him that but I really do just adore his features. (If we had kids oh my godddd. I know that’s crazy that I’m even thinking that but I CANNOT HELP MYSELFF!!!) I love his eyes and his long lashes, I love his beautiful brown hair (especially when it’s messy) , his cute scruffy facial hair and his side burnnsssssssss. Oh and his nose, especially in the picture i mentioned earlier ohhhh my gosh it just looks so amazing. He dislikes his nose so much and constantly makes jokes about reducing the size of it and it upset me a lot because I really do believe it’s beautiful. To me it’s like a work of art, when I was doing more character art my favorite thing to draw was noses !! His nose shape was literally my favorite type to draw and I feel like that makes him very special. Like, wow this boy I’m insanely infatuated with is quite literally a work of art. I’m still looking at the picture and I didn’t mention earlier but I love his cute little mustache, everytime I look at it I just wonder how it would feel to his him and feel that brush against my lip, would it even? I’m not sure, I kinda forgot how it feels like to kiss someone but I’d love to relearn with him. That feels a tad inappropriate to say but I really do feel that way. I’m not feeling really sad anymore but I’m also just upset by the fact that I was even missing him even though I spoke to him a couple hours ago. He literally told me before going to bed not to miss him too much and i thought to myself, “that’s silly, it’s just a couple hours and I’ll be fine” and I hate to say it but he was right. I hate how he knows how my brain works, well.. I don’t hate it. It’s just embarrassing how predictable I am, maybe I’m just boring but who reallly knows.!!! Oh and I was so upset because he left me on sent for a little while see actually I’m okay with that but I just didn’t know what he was doing and that was upsetting me and because I didn’t know my brain immediately jumped to overthinking so I kinda just upset myself. I know verrry dumb but that’s just how I am, I’m always just thinking of the what’s if and I made myself feel bad for no reason. Maybe I do need a lobotomy but what if my overthinking was right. What do I do then!!!!! Be the other woman ? FUCK NOOOOOO !!!!!! I’d rather get stabbed in the arm five times in the same spot okay wait that actually sounds deranged but listen I just would not like being a second option or some stupid shit like that and my insecurities are just jumping out at me and making me think I am but guys, wtf do I do actually if I am ??? 😨 KMS??? That’s also crazy and dramatic so no but I pray that this boy is not trying to do me dirty because I think I’d genuinely lose my mind. Can we just eviscerate all his female friends? Like genuinely, just treat them like fish or something idk 😜!! Sorry thatsss meannnnnn. He can have female friends i guessss 😒. I personally believe they shouldn’t be doing no corny shit with my boy though like cutesy nicknames or making them match with him like FUCKKKKNOOOOOOOOOO .!! 😭😭😭 THAT ALONE IS 50 FUCKING BODIES.

50 FUCKING BODIES !!!!

Kidding, I can’t do shit about that except SEETHE and that I will do!! I’m currently seething thinking about it right now. God, liking a boy with female friends is not for the weak because I am the weak and I cannot take this. Maybe it’s all the over thinking but this shit making me feel sick to my stomach.hhhhh. Oh my god can god take me right now because the thoughts that are going through my head right now might make me just pass away rn to just meeet him. Oh I wanna cry! WHATEERVEVEGER I’ll stay jealous, mad and seething like crazy. I just wish I could have him in my arms and just have him as mine. If he gets tired yeah he can leave but for now I’d just like to have him. Like ohh calm down guys you can have him back after like 2 weeks just let me have him for a while!!! I just want to treat him good and make him feel good. Ohhhhh guys don’t start throwing up pitchforks just because I want to keep him busy for a while, yall will get him back don’t worry 😒. Jeeeeezzzzzzus! Okay I thought that bit was funny. I’m not saying he should isolate himself or anything but like guys do we need female friends 🙄🙄🙄. Joking JOKINGG PUT THE PITCHFORKS DOWNN GUYS IT WAS A JOKE!!! Anyways I should conclude this dumb rant because nothing about this will change and I will forever be salty. OH MY GOD salty is the perfect way to describe how I’ve been feeling!! It’s like I’m jealous but I can’t do shit so all I can do is let this feeling linger and be salty because I’m very non confrontational at times and especially when I don’t want to be verbal about my feelings. OHH LINGER BY THE CRANBERRIES

DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGERRRRE DO YOU HAVE. TO LET IT LINGERRRR