#its basic troubleshooting!

[235uranium]

everyone thinks physics majors hate humanities majors, which is completely false. we hate engineering majors.

[gh0stboy]

you never realize how tech illiterate most people are until you're the only tech literate person around. it is hell

[mira0000000-blog]

HI IF YOU ARE ON STUPIDDDDD ASSSSS WINDOWS 11 *vomits* AND SUDDENLY YOUR SOUND GOES AWAY (ENTIRELY!) GO CHECK YOUR SOUND CONFIGS, GO TO THE SOUND DEVICE TAB AND CHECK IF SOME STUPID SPECIAL EFFECTS ENHANCEMENTS ARE TURNED ON. TURN THAT SHIT OFF.

NO I DIDNT FIND THIS OUT WITH OUTSIDE HELP I FOUND IT BY MYSELF.

[macabr3-barbi3]

CTRL ALT DELETE- Task Manager (Vox/Reader)

Something's up with Vox and you offer to help troubleshoot- it both does and does not go how you're expecting it to.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54688282

The least serious thing I've ever written: inspired by the time i started a timer in class one day to see how long my teacher talked about her son instead of teaching us; i ended up realizing 4 months later that i never stopped the timer and it was just running in the background and making my shit slow that entire time lmao there's a screenshot in the ao3 notes

Tags: Stress Relief, Sexual Tension, Chair Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Begging, Computers. Dirty Talk, very basic knowledge of computers

<3<3<3<3<3<3

Your new boss seemed stressed. 

Not in the usual way that he was stressed, either- the note from the assistant you had replaced was that usually when Vox was having an off day he would call for Valentino or have you pull a list of low earners for the month, banishing you from the room in either case. But he hadn’t spent any time with Val in months, basically the entire time that you’d been working with him as a personal assistant after getting promoted from a stage grunt for the news channel.

You had thought for a bit that he might make a move- that maybe that was why he promoted you, that he was charmed enough by you to end the on/off thing he had going on with Val, which made sense based on the timing. But when you tested that theory recently- made double entendres, brushed your hands against his arms or leg or back, blatantly invited him out for dinner and drinks- he didn’t seem interested. He declined your invite, allowed you to touch him without being overcome with lust, and the sex jokes just seemed to go whoosh. 

Right over his head. 

He was on edge and twitchy. He took longer to respond to things than he normally did, his processors slow, occasionally getting a ‘buffering’ message that flashed across his screen when someone asked a question. His hypnotic eye seemed to be suffering as well, the swirls having slowed down now to the point that they were no more mesmerizing than watching paint dry. It was frustrating and enraging him, and in turn frustrating you- he was fucking hot when he was angry, which didn’t help your attraction to him that he was ignoring. 

He was sitting at his desk in the control room when you entered, head in his hands as he stared at a piece of paper on his desk. The monitors were all lit behind him, showing recorded footage of the Tower throughout the day- you spotted a short recording of yourself talking to some of the marketing team a few hours ago. Like a Valentino caricature he read the paper, blinked his eyes a couple times, read it again. Picked it up and pulled it closer to his face like that would help, and his screen scrolled the words along the bottom like his internal system was trying to transcribe it so something he could understand. He finally dropped the paper with a groan, letting it flutter to the floor where it slipped under his chair and stopped just before you. 

“Are you okay, sir?” The question is out before you can stop it, and as was the normal recently it took a few minutes for him to answer. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he muttered, swiveling around to look at you. He clutched the sides of his screen, eyes narrowed and mouth delayed in its movements as he spoke. “I feel like I can’t focus on anything. I can’t process anything. My- just, fucking everything is slow and useless in my head right now! How am I supposed to be a master media manipulator when I can’t fucking concentrate for more than two minutes at a time?”

“You have seemed more… stressed than usual,” you agree. “Are none of your usual relaxing activities helping? Or have you done any troubleshooting?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

“Troubleshooting,” you say again, and at his blank stare you chuckle a little. “You know, doing a couple ‘quick fix’ things to see if that’s what’s causing the problem. Do you have like, a cache or something that you have to clear? An archive dump to get rid of old files?” You let your eyes track his body from top to bottom. “I’m not super familiar with how your… anatomy works?”

God, but you wanted to be.

He blinks a couple times. “I think I used to have someone that did that for me,” he says. “Years ago. I fired them because it didn’t seem necessary, I was running perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, well, that might be what the problem is.” You offer him a soft smile. “Sometimes stuff will work in sub-optimal conditions for a while before it starts causing issues. I used to do programming customer support when I was alive- it’s been a while but I could take a look if you want?”

His mouth twists in a frown. “I guess so,” he agrees. “I’m desperate enough to try anything. I need to be able to fucking concentrate if the Vees are gonna stay on top, everyone fucking knows that Val is hopeless with the business aspect of everything.” He gets the buffering symbol on his screen for a few seconds, groaning and shaking his head as he clears. “What do you need access to?”

“Do you have a way to access your… system? Externally,” you clarify. “I’m not a surgeon- I don’t plan on cutting into you to get to anything.”

Vox gestures behind him. “I can hook up to the monitors,” he says, “but we’ll have to be pretty close, doll. I have to be sitting here to be hooked up, and since this is the only chair, looks like this will have to be your seat.” He pats a hand on his thighs, not so much an invitation as a statement.

You fucking wished. You know this isn’t him trying to initiate anything though- you’d been trying for long enough that you’re ready to give it up and just accept that your hot, overlord boss didn’t want to fuck you. Helping him out felt more important than that anyway, so you would do your best.

“You got it,” you say, and cross the remaining space to perch yourself gracefully on his lap. You push the inappropriate thoughts about how firm his muscles are underneath you- how exactly did this man’s body work? Was it really just his head that was not organic matter?- and let him rotate the chair back to face the monitors.

The sight is intimidating, as is the position- you’re surrounded by reflections of yourself from every angle, Vox’s lithe frame seated behind you. This is where he does most of his business, the background site of everything that VoxTec handles. And he’s trusting you to help him fix whatever is wrong with him so he can get back to handling all of that, free of distraction.

You watch as thick wires come up from the floor to plug into the back of his head, the sharp hiss making you wonder if it was painful or intrusive. You won’t ask though, not when you’re getting ready to try to restore him to his usual ruthless self; he might consider that to be prying.

He pulls something up on the main monitor, the one that sits directly across from you, and waves a hand to it. A little keyboard and mouse emerge from the desk as the monitor powers on, and when you glance back you can see the same thing reflected on his face. “Have at it,” you hear him say, even though you can’t see his mouth moving.

Ignoring his open programs for the time being in case he needs any of them, the first thing you do is go in and clear his archived files. He’s got entire terabytes of useless information; employee records for people that have been dead or fired for decades; funny videos that he saved; resources for old news stories that are no longer relevant. Some of it you help him upload to a cloud server- after explaining to him what a cloud server is- and create files to designate for actual important shit.

You find the internal browser that he uses to pull information on the fly and help him clear the cache and cookies.

You help him sort security footage from Vee Tower and get rid of stuff that wasn’t actually necessary, like the short bits of static and dead air that happened whenever he used the cameras to teleport around the building. Everything that he has saved about mentions of that fucking radio demon also goes into the garbage. There are some files you can’t access, things like his memories and day to day recordings of conversations and things that he personally is part of. 

You delete what you can and empty the recycling bin.

As the process has gone on, Vox has relaxed more and more behind you. “I still don’t feel completely back to normal,” he murmurs, “but this is already loads better. It’s like a massage directly on my brain. You know, if I still physically had one.”

You hit the keys to open his task manager- CTRL ALT DELETE. “Unholy fuck- Jesus, sir, if you thought that was good this is gonna feel orgasmic,” you say absently, scrolling through the opens apps and programs that he has running. Has this man ever closed anything? You hadn’t realized a person or device could even have so many things going at once. “Do you just leave everything open in the background?”

He peers around your shoulder, bracing his hands on your hips as he sits up a little straighter. The movement causes your stomach to drop, arousal threatening to make itself known, but you push the notion down as he sets his hands back on the arms of the chair. “I guess so?” He watches you scroll through the extensive list. “I guess it just never occurred to me to close them. Opening the programs to use is just like my stream of consciousness I suppose.”

“Kay, well, that’s stopping now.” You click on the first item on the list- VoxtaGram. “I recommend closing non-essential stuff out at least once a month. More, if you have the time to go through everything. For now, just in case, there is something important we’re gonna go through some of the more recently opened things, set them up to open automatically when you start up, before we reboot your system- wait, can we reboot your system entirely without killing you?”

“No worries there, dear. I can, I just haven’t done it in years because it can take a while to start back up afterwards.” He sneers at the social media page. “You can close that shit. Any of Velvette’s crap she can handle on her own. Same with any of the fucking games that Val loads up when he’s bored- can I delete those entirely? Or block them? Fucking moth and his blue-light addiction…”

You get through a lot of the list, Vox kind of dozing off and only passively participating in the process. You’ve got the gist of it; things like his news sources, contacts list and phone, and the notes app are staying open and set to automatically launch when he does reboot and start back up. Pretty much everything else is closed out, things he pulled up for two seconds weeks ago to check on something or another before abandoning it. You’re making excellent progress when the next thing on the list gives you pause.

“Vox? Why is this- oh my god.” You can’t help it- you start laughing, throwing your head back to rest on his shoulder as you look at what’s now displayed on the screen.

A stopwatch had apparently been started and never stopped. The elapsed time was over three thousand hours, which came out to something like four months if your mental math was correct. He had had this running constantly in the background since you had started working for him, possibly even before. “I think I found the problem,” you chuckled, and his eyes were narrowed as he looked at the timer continuing to tick. “What is this?”

“What the actual fuck?” He buffers for a second- and you’re pleased to note that it’s already much faster than it has been lately- before you hear a dinging sound coming from him. ‘Fucking Hell, I should have known this was all Valentino’s fault.” He drags a clawed hand down his screen in an imitation of a facepalm. “I was timing him. He was fucking ranting about Angel Dust again while we were in a strategy meeting with Velvette- I had the stopwatch going to see how much of the hour session he wasted talking about that whore. I must have forgotten to turn it off.” He barks out a laugh, throwing his head back with the force of it while you look at him with amusement. “I’m gonna owe you big time for this, doll, you’re a lifesaver.”

You close the app out with a smile. “Just trying to help,” you say. “I think that was probably the worst of it- do you want to just try rebooting now?”

He lets out a groan when the app closes, and the sound shoots through your body straight to your core. “Go for it, hun,” he says, eyes closed as he leans back against the chair. “I think I’m good to go now, but it can’t hurt. You were right, sorting this shit out feeling fucking good.”

You’re suddenly very aware of the dampness of your panties as you bypass ‘kinda horny’ straight to ‘fuck me on this desk.’ You scold yourself mentally: Don’t jump your boss. He’s trusting you to help him right now- do not take advantage of that. Do not ride his leg like you very clearly want to because his voice is fucking hot. Fucking focus.

You clear your throat, closing out the task manager and hitting the button to restart him. “See you in a bit, sir.”

You stay seated on his lap just in case- he might still have something he wants you to do when he comes back online, some settings you could apply to close out things that are used for more than a week or so. It’s definitely not because you like the feeling of his strong thigh underneath you, tantalizingly close to your cunt if you, by chance, decided to tilt your hips forward and start grinding down on him. 

After just a few minutes get a message on the main monitor telling you to wait a moment- things start popping up on the other screens surrounding the central one, and it takes you a moment to recognize the pattern.

Its all videos of you- shot from Vox’s perspective, and a mortifying blush takes over your face. They’re all the moments that you had tried coming onto him. The innuendos and subtle entendres, the times that you touched him, pressed yourself against him in a tight space despite having another way to get to the copy machine, when you had invited him out for dinner. There’s also videos where he had just been watching you, apparently, taken from a distance as you spoke with Velvette or passed instructions along to a member of the team or discreetly tried to hide behind a vending machine when you noticed  Val coming into a room. 

There’s a satisfied grumble behind you, and before you can turn to look at him Vox has settled his claws onto either side of your waist and shifted you over a bit, to rest directly on the erection straining his pants. 

Which is a surprise, albeit a pleasant one.

“Thanks for the reset, doll,” he says, and his voice is a quiet growl as he lets his hands wander from your waist to your hips and back again, claw tipped fingers catching on the fabric. “I got a chance to look at some files while I was under and found quite the treat in your logs.”

This could either be very bad or very, very good. “Sir-”

“You know, I’m usually pretty good at picking up what a woman is putting down. Imagine my surprise when I realize you’ve been coming onto me for weeks and my shit was so fucked up and bogged down that I didn’t even notice. Like that?” He uses one hand to point to a screen in the far left of the central monitor, while he snaked his other hand down to rest on your thigh, his hand large enough to encompass the muscle at the edge of your skirt. On the screen, you had come to his office to drop off meeting notes for something you attended on his behalf. You had dropped the stack as you came around his side of the desk, and got down fully on your knees to pick them up, glancing up at him through your lashes. You blush watching it now- it had seemed obvious to you even then, but watching it now, the way that Vox had seen it? When he didn’t say anything about you being face level with his prick you had used a hand on his thigh to brace yourself to stand up, letting your fingers run along the inner seam of his trousers when you rose back to standing. Still no reaction, and you had left his office equal parts turned on and irritated with yourself. Him not having acted on it had been the final nail in the coffin cementing the fact that he was not interested in the slightest.

You let out a weak exhale as the Vox sitting under you gets his other hand in the same position as the first, using his grip to ever so slightly spread your legs on his lap. He lets his fingers skim your inner thighs and you shake with the effort of not begging him to just touch you. This was delicious, agonizing torture.

“Had I been in my right mind for that display, baby, I would have fucking ṛ̣̬̫̍͌ͩ͟ụ̴̴̾̀͟͡i̧̻̻͉̜͑ͪ̾͟n̫̫̘̗͕̲̲̎ͥḛ̡̰̳͓̥ͬ͋ͪͧd̶̵̯̯̼̘ͨ̓ y͙͙̪̰ͫ͌́o͙͙̙̘̙ͤͫ͞ụ̴̴̾̀͟͡.” His voice crackles and glitches on the last words, and the sound of it forces a moan from your throat as you let your head fall back. You clutch your hands to the arms of the chair as his tongue- and who even really knew he had a tongue, what the fuck?- licks down the side of your jaw and at your exposed neck. “I would have had you choking on my cock before getting a taste of that sweet cunt and fucking you into the desk for hours.”

One hand finally slips under the edge of your skirt and you shiver when his fingers make contact with your soaked core. “Is that what you want now, babygirl? You want me to give you my cock as thanks for helping to set me straight? To make up for lost time?” He slides a finger under the thin material of your panties, groaning in your ear at how slick he finds you. “That’s what I want, doll. I want you to ride me so hard you go stupid with the feeling, and you never feel whole without some part of me in your cunt for the rest of for-fucking- ḛ̡̰̳͓̥ͬ͋ͪͧv̹̹̘̼̞̻͆ͩ̓ͪ͢ḛ̡̰̳͓̥ͬ͋ͪͧṛ̣̬̫̍͌ͩ͟.”

“Fuck, please,” you gasp out, the word devolving into a cry as Vox finally slides a finger into you, mindful of the claws as he pushes in and quickly follows the first with a second. He uses his free hand to hold your hips still as you try to grind into his digits, keeps you held firmly against his erection as you squirm in pleasure.

His sharp fingertips angle to prod gently at a spot inside of you that has you seeing stars; your eyes are clenched shut as you ride the feeling, so close to the edge you feel like you’re going to implode with the force of it when you finally tip over. “Fuck, sir, please, so c-close,” you mumble, and his tongue is back to licking at whatever parts of your skin it can reach.

“You wanna come like this, sweetheart?” The main monitor in front of you glitches out, and when it comes back into focus you see yourself on the screen- like a mirror, you’re reflected, and you can see Vox’s grinning face behind you. Your skin is flushed, sweat dripping down your face, the hint of tears along your lashline as your mouth drops open when he adds a third finger. “Look fuckin’ beautiful, baby, you were made for this- maybe we give Valentino a call, he could-”

“No!” You release the arms of the chair to grab onto his wrists where his hands meet your body. “No one- no one but you, sir. Vox, please, l- let me come. Please?” You let a little whine into your voice, and you can see the way his mouth goes lax and his eyes laser-focus on where you’re grabbing at his hands.

“I didn’t mean to join us, dollface, just to record- but you’re right, you’re right.” He pulls his fingers from your pussy, slicing the center of your panties in the process before he brings his digits to his mouth- you watch on the screen as he curls his tongue around each one, licks the flavor of you from his skin and glitches out at the taste. “How could I possibly share such a fucking vision with anyone else?

He shifts you to one side so he can get his dick out, and the sight of it in the monitor, his own arousal beading at the top and rock hard, has you whimpering before it’s even inside of you. He carried himself like a man with a big cock, but Christ.

“Hope you like what you see, hun, cause it’s all yours.” He scoots forward in the seat, tilts his hips forward for the right angle, and moves you back into your previous position with ease- this time, the tip of him is pushing inside you, and you watch in the monitor as you sink inch by glorious inch onto him.

Once you’re fully seated, Vox seems to lose capability for rational thought. “Fuck me, you’re perfect,” he moans, bracing his feet more firmly on the ground to thrust up into you, getting a firm grasp on your hips to pull you down into it. The result is a beautiful stab at that sweet spot inside of you that makes you clench and cry out, watching Vox’s hypnotic eye start spiraling at its normal speed on the screen, and you can see backwards scrolling text of his stream of thoughts- a bunch of nonsensical letters and cuss words interspersed with your name. “I want to fucking- chain you to my desk so I can have this perfect pussy whenever I want it. Fuck, I can’t believe we- we could have been doing this for weeks.” He punctuates his sentence with a hard thrust.

“A-all the more reason to regularly clear your task manager, sir,” you say, so caught up in the feeling of him railing you from below that you can hardly believe you formed a coherent thought. He feels so fucking good and you’re a hair trigger away from collapsing and wringing him for all he’s got.

With one quick movement he’s shifted, and there’s a hand on your throat arching you backwards at the same time that he gets a couple clawed fingers rubbing at your clit. The shock of the combination makes you flutter around his length, a choked noise escaping your throat before he tightens his grip- not enough to really cut off your air supply, but enough that your brain starts going soft and mushy and the vice grip your cunt has on his cock gets impossibly tighter. You can see the shine of your slick arousal coating him every time he pulls out to rut back into you, and the sights and sounds are threatening to rip you into the chasm of ecstasy that you’re flirting with. 

“Vox,” you whine, “please, I’m so fucking- please please please-“ 

“Christ, babygirl, whatever you fucking want.” His eyes are wide and frantic as they watch the place you’re joined, his mouth set in a snarl as he fucks into your pliant body. The cry you release is nothing short of agonized- it’s so fucking close you can taste it, nearly overwhelmed with the tension.

“You wanna fucking cum on my cock? Do it, angel, let me see it- come on, baby, cum for me-“

Your walls clench down hard as you reach your orgasm, Vox’s grip on your throat making your vision and mind go fuzzy with the force of it as you choke on a moan that tries to escape your tensed muscles. You’re distantly aware of Vox thrusting hard into you, more praise and curses falling from his lips as he hits his peak as well, pressing his screen to the side of your face when he relinquishes his handle on your throat to clutch at your hips and grind into your cunt as he spills inside of you. The aftershocks of your release leave you twitching, milking his cock of everything he has to offer before he collapses into the chair behind you, a boneless pile of a man now simply running his hands over any bit of skin he could reach. 

It’s truly a testament to how helpful the reset and reboot had been that Vox’s system doesn’t simply crash. “Fucking Hell, I haven’t felt this good in decades,” he mutters in your ear, and you shiver at the feeling of his tongue brushing the sensitive skin.

“Ha, you think that’s the reboot or the mind-melting orgasms?”

He hums contentedly. “Jury’s out on that, doll. Guess we’ll have to do a re-run on both and see how it stacks up to this one.”

“I’ll make sure to schedule some time out for it,” you chuckle before fixing him with a stern glare through the monitor. “I’m serious about clearing your apps and shit more frequently though. Christ, you had decades of backed up shit open-“

“Don’t berate me while my dick is still inside you, fuck.” He leans you forward far enough to pull out, and you grimace at the feeling of his cum starting to spill back out of you. He notices the expression though- “Whoops, sorry,” he says, and after a quick second during which he tucks his softening prick away he scoops you into his arms, standing from the chair and stepping away from the desk. “Let’s get you cleaned up at the penthouse, angel, what do you say?”

“If you’re carrying me then lead the way.” You gesture towards the door out of the control room. “Just don’t start any timers to see how long it takes to get there or anything and we should be good.”

The glare he fixes you with shouldn’t be hot, but it fucking is. “Hardy har,” he deadpans, and rolls his eyes while he stalks towards the elevator, control room door closing behind you; but there’s a small smile on his screen despite his ire and he’s functioning normally, and when you see the little stopwatch icon pop up in the bottom right corner of his face and start counting, you can’t help but laugh.

[kinnbig]

✨ Simple Gif Colouring for Beginners ✨

I wrote up my basic gif colouring process for a friend recently, but a couple of people here mentioned they'd also find it helpful! so, as requested, this is a beginner-friendly walkthrough of the way I colour my gifs :) it's aimed at brand new gif makers with no prior experience with photoshop or photo editing.

when I first started gif making I found colouring and photoshop in general suuuper daunting, so I've tried to simplify everything here as much as possible. hopefully this will be relatively easy to follow and not too intimidating!

a couple of things to begin with:

I'm only talking about colouring here - this is not a full gif making tutorial. I've linked to some of my favourites of those here!

I personally like to make bright, 'clean' looking gifs with vibrant but natural colours, so that is the style of colouring this tutorial is geared towards. most of gif colouring is subjective and about personal taste - the only thing that I'd say is possible to get wrong is skin tones, which I talk about a lot in this guide.

as I mostly gif Thai dramas, most of the advice is geared towards colouring for East Asian/South East Asian skin tones - but the techniques should be fairly universally applicable (and here are some tutorials that talk about gif colouring for other skin tones).

I'm not an expert! I'm not claiming this is the best or the only way to colour gifs - it's just how I do it.

this post is very image-heavy. if the images aren't loading (or the gifs are running slowly or cutting/looping weirdly), then try viewing the post in its own tab (rather than on the your dash or someone's blog) and refreshing the page.

okay, full walkthrough beneath the cut!

contents:

1. intro a. natural gif colouring goals b. very very basic colour theory 2. super simple colouring (the essentials) a. curves b. selective colour (and skin tone correction) c. hue/saturation d. saving and reusing colouring e. another simple colouring example 3. other adjustment layers a. brightness/contrast b. levels c. vibrance d. colour balance e. channel mixer 4. troubleshooting a. curves b. saturation 5. fin!

1. intro

the colouring part of gif making can be super overwhelming, especially if (like me when I first started!) you're completely new to photoshop and/or have no experience with colour theory or photo/video editing.

if you're opening photoshop and making gifs for the first time, I highly recommend getting used to making a few basic, uncoloured gifs to begin with. just to practice, rather than post anywhere (though you can always come back and colour them later if you want) - but it'll make the rest of the process much easier if you're already beginning to get used to working in timeline mode of photoshop. give yourself a bit of time to practice and get a feel for things like how many frames you tend to like in a gif, where you like to crop them for the best loop, what kind of aspect ratio you like etc* - so that you're not trying to navigate all of that for the first time on top of everything else!

* frames: for me between 60-90 frames is ideal, but 40-120 frames is the absolute min-max I'd personally use in a normal gifset loops: for the smoothest loops, try to avoid cutting someone off mid-movement or mid-word if possible. aspect ratio: for full-size (540px) gifs, I tend to go for either 8:5 (slightly 'skinnier' gifs), 7:5, or 5:4 (particularly big, thick gifs lmao)

✨ natural gif colouring goals

part of what can be so daunting about starting gif making is not knowing where to start or what you want to achieve. this is definitely something that gets easier with practice - the more gifs you make, the more you'll get a feel for what kind of look you like and the more instinctively you'll know how to get there. it also helps to see if any gif makers you like have made "before and after colouring" posts - these can help with getting a sense of the kinds of changes made through gif colouring. here's one I made!

in general, I like to make my gifs bright and 'clean' looking, with vibrant but natural colours. these are the things I'm usually hoping to achieve with colouring:

brighten dark scenes

remove muddy, yellowish lighting or filters

saturate colours

correct any skin lightening filters or overexposure

make lighting and colours as consistent as possible between gifs within a single gifset, especially gifsets featuring gifs from multiple scenes/episodes/videos

this guide is focusing on natural colouring, but of course there are many cool ways to make stylised/unnaturally coloured gifs. imo you'll need to master these basics first, but if you want to learn how to do things like change the background colour of gifs or use gradients or other cool effects, then @usergif's resource directory has loads of super helpful tutorials!

✨ very very basic colour theory

[disclaimer! I don't know shit about fuck. I do not study light or art. this is just an explanation that makes sense to me exclusively for the purposes of gif making.]

the primary colours for light/digital screens are red, blue, and green. having all three colours in equal measures neutralises them (represented by the white section in the middle of the diagram).

so to neutralise a colour within a gif, you need to add more of the colour(s) that are lacking.

in practice this usually means: the scene you want to gif is very yellow! yellow is made of red and green light, so to neutralise it you need to add more blue into your gif.

it can also mean the reverse: if you desaturate the yellow tones in a gif, it will look much more blue.

looking at the colour balance sliders on photoshop can make it easier to visualise:

so making a gif more red also means making it less cyan.

removing green from a gif means adding magenta.

taking yellow out of a gif will make it more blue.

tl;dr:

neutralise yellows by adding blue (and vice versa)

neutralise reds by adding cyan (and vice versa)

neutralise green by adding magenta (and vice versa)

2. super simple colouring (the essentials)

starting with a nice sharpened gif in photoshop in timeline mode. (these are the sharpening settings I use!)

some scenes are much harder to colour than others - it helps to start out practising with scenes that are bright/well-lit and that don't have harsh unnaturally coloured lights/filters on. scenes with a lot of brown/orange also tend to be harder.

I usually save a base copy of my gif before I start colouring just in case I end up hating it, or find out later that it doesn't quite fit right into a set and need to redo it etc.

so here is my base gif!

it's an okay gif, but it has a bit of a yellow tint to it that I want to reduce.

colouring is easiest to do in adjustment layers, which can be found under layer -> new adjustment layer - or for me they are here:

there are lots of different types of adjustment layers that do lots of different things - but for me the absolute essentials for colouring are curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation.

I also use brightness/contrast, levels, exposure, vibrance, colour balance, and channel mixer sometimes, depending on the gif - but I use curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation on every single gif.

✨ curves layer

the first thing I always do is a curves layer. when you first open one it will look like this:

first I usually click the ‘auto’ button, just to see what happens. sometimes it makes a big difference (it usually brightens the gif a lot) - but on this gif it didn’t do much.

if it had made the gif look nicer then I would have kept it and added a second curves layer on top to do the rest of these steps.

the next step is selecting the white and black points with the little eyedropper tools.

the bottom eyedropper lets you pick a white point for the gif. click somewhere super light on the gif to see what happens - for this gif, I clicked on the lampshade on the left. if it looks weird, I just undo it and try somewhere else - it usually takes a few goes to find something that looks good.

here's what that did to the gif:

then I pick the top eyedropper and use it to pick a black point by clicking somewhere really dark, again playing around until I find a black point that looks good.

here's what the gif looks like after picking the white and black points:

this can take some experimenting, but you can make super easy drastic changes to your gif just with this. in this case, the curves layer took out a lot of that yellowy tint.

and this is what the curves graph looks like now:

you can click and drag those lines to make further changes if you want - I usually leave them alone though. the colours of the lines indicate which colours have been changed in the gif - for example, you can see from that steep blue line on the graph that blue has been added to neutralise those yellows.

next I usually do another curves layer and just press the ‘auto’ button again to see what happens. usually it brightens the gif a bit more, which I like.

‼️if nothing is working: usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :( the troubleshooting section at the end goes over some options, including starting with a levels layer instead.

✨ selective colour (and skin tone correction)

skin tones are made up of a mixture of yellow and red.

removing yellow (or adding blue or red) to a gif will make the skin-tones too red - and removing red (or adding cyan or yellow) to a gif will make the skin-tones too yellow.

adding blue to this gif with the curves layer took out the yellowy tint, which I wanted - but it also took the yellows out of Kim's skin tone, which I don’t want. so I need to put yellow back into the skin tones specifically - without putting it back into the rest of the gif.

selective colour layers let you select an individual colour and adjust the levels of other colours within that colour. you can change how yellow the green shades are, or how much cyan is in the blues, for example.

I need to add yellow back into the red tones to correct the skin tones on this gif. this is the case for most gifs in my experience - the vast majority of the time, unless a scene is very heavily tinted in another colour, a curves layer will add blue/remove yellow.

in the 'colors' dropdown, select the 'reds' section and drag the 'yellow' slider higher - this will add more yellow into just the red shades within the gif.

the amount of yellow you need to add back into the reds depends on how much yellow was taken out of the gif initially - I just play around with the slider until it looks right. if you're not sure, it helps to have some neutrally-coloured (not white-washed!) reference photos of the people in your gif to compare to.

here's the result. Kim's skin is a lot less pink toned and much more natural looking:

✨ hue/saturation

this adjustment layer lets you adjust the hue and saturation of the gif as a whole, and also of each colour individually.

I don't use the hue or lightness sliders unless I'm trying to do something more complicated with the colouring.

clicking the dropdown menu that says 'master' lets you edit the saturation of each colour individually. this is useful if your gif is still super tinted in one colour.

I thought the yellows on this gif were still slightly too bright, so I switched to the yellow channel and desaturated them slightly. (remember if you do this then you need to go back to selective colour and add more yellow into the red skin tones to balance out the desaturation!)

then I increased the 'master' saturation of all the colours to +5:

I usually find the right amount of saturation is somewhere between +5 and +12, but it depends on the gif.

‼️if the gif feels undersaturated, but the saturation slider isn't helping/is making the colours worse, try a vibrance layer instead.

done!

✨ saving and reusing colouring

you can copy and paste adjustment layers between gifs to make your colouring even across each of your gifs for one scene - so if you're making a set of multiple gifs of the same scene, or you think you might want to gif the same scene again in the future, you can save it as a psd so you can reuse the colouring again later.

each gif's colouring will then still need tweaking - different cameras/angles/shots of the same scene can still start out with slightly different colouring.

I recommend uploading the gifs as a draft post on tumblr so you can see what they all look like next to each other and catch any inconsistencies.

✨ another one! (speedrun!)

HI KEN!

the white point for the curves layer was in the window behind them.

the curves layer removes the muddy yellow tint, but again it makes their skin tones (especially Ken's) very red toned, which is adjusted by the selective colour layer.

3. other adjustment layers

imo many many gifs can be coloured really nicely with just those three adjustment layers, but some need different adjustments.

✨ brightness/contrast

pretty self explanatory!

I personally usually avoid using the 'brightness' slider because I rarely like the effect - I only tend to use the 'contrast' one. 

the 'auto' button is sometimes useful though, especially if you’re struggling with the curves layer.

✨ levels

levels alters the white and black points of the gif, like curves - but unlike curves it doesn't also alter other colours.

use the sliders beneath the graph to alter how dark/light the gif is. you can slide the black slider further to the right to make the blacks darker, and the white slider to the left to make the whites lighter.

levels is a good place to start if your curves layer isn't working.

(I'm going to hit the image limit for this post lol so here are some screenshots of a table I made to demonstrate this rather than actual gifs. sorry!)

on both sides, I dragged the sliders up to where the big jumps are on the graph - this is usually a good place to start!

✨ vibrance

vibrance... makes the colours more vibrant. it's more subtle than saturation.

it's really helpful for gifs that feel grey. sometimes adjusting saturation just makes the greys kind of weirdly tinted, but a vibrance layer can fix that.

vibrance is much more subtle!

✨ colour balance

colour balance affects the overall balance of colours within a gif.

it's good for scenes with heavy tints.

I tend to stick to the 'midtones' dropdown, but you can also alter the colour balance within the shadows and highlights if you want.

✨ channel mixer

I avoided channel mixer for such a long time because it scared me. but it's great for scenes that are very heavily tinted in one colour.

basically, it works with the levels of red, green, and blue within a gif. you select an output colour and then play around with the levels of the colour you selected within each other colour.

kind of the reverse of selective colour?

so in the 'blue' channel, the levels of blue are at 100%, and the levels of red and green are at 0% - but you can impact how much blue is in the reds and greens and blues.

this tutorial explains it well - but imo the best way to get to grips with channel mixer is just to play around with it a bit (sorry)

(when I made this guide for my friend, I also made a slightly more complicated gif colouring walk-through that included using channel mixer. there isn't space to include it within this post, but if anyone is interested I could always upload it as an 'intermediate' gif colouring tutorial - lmk!)

4. troubleshooting

‼️curves

usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :(

for example, with this base gif:

using many of the brightest points as a white point turn it wacky colours, like this:

yikes :(

some options for these cases:

try brightening the gif first with the 'auto' button on the curves layer or with a levels layer. having a brighter gif to start with can give you better options for picking a white point.

try finding an alternate, whiter/brighter white point. look for places the light reflects - on this gif, using the light on Porsche's cheekbone works well as the white point. it also helps to find places that would be white if the scene wasn't tinted - the lightest part of a white shirt is often a good place to start, for example.

skip the curves layer, and instead use a levels layer to alter your white/black points, and colour balance or channel mixer to balance the colours.

‼️over/undersaturation

if your gif (especially the skintones) is looking a little washed out or lifeless, it might be undersaturated. boost that saturation - or if that's not working, try a vibrance layer.

oversaturation is often easiest to spot in the mouths and ears of any people in a gif. if the mouths are looking unnaturally, vibrantly red, then you've gone too far with the saturation.

5. fin!

and done! I hope this was coherent helpful to somebody.

if there's anything that I've missed or that doesn't make sense pls feel free to shoot me an ask or a message and I'll do my best to help! I've also collated a bunch of additional reading/resources below.

happy gifmaking 🥰

✨ some links!

photoshop basics by @selenapastel

gifmaking for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki

gifmaking guide for beginners by @saw-x

dreamy's gif tutorial by @scoupsy-remade (includes instructions on how to blur out burned-on subtitles or annoying video graphics)

beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza

how to fix orange-washed characters by aubrey-plaza

colour correcting and fixing dark scenes by @kylos

does resampling matter? by usergif

how to put multiple gifs on one canvas by @fictionalheroine

watermarking using actions by @wonwooridul

resource directory by @usergif

[ikiprian]

Barbara Gordon's Coding & Computer Cram School is a popular YouTube series. Tucker Foley is a star student.

Barbara Gordon's Cram School posts free online courses for both coding and computer engineering. Think Crash Course in terms of entertainment, but college lecture in terms of depth. Hundreds of thousands of viewers flock to it— students who missed a class, people looking to add new skills to a resume, even simple hobbyists. It’s a project Barbara’s proud of.

Sometimes, when she wants to relax, she’ll even hop in the comments and spend an afternoon troubleshooting a viewer’s project with them.

User “Fryer-Tuck” has especially interesting ones. Barbara finds herself seeking out his comments, checking in on whatever this crazy kid is making next. An app for collecting GPS pings and assembling them on a map in real-time, an algorithm that connects geographic points to predict something’s movement taking a hundred other variables into account, simplified versions of incredibly complex homemade programs so they can run on incredibly limited CPU’s.

(Barbara wants to buy the kid a PC. It seems he’s got natural talent, but he keeps making reference to a PDA. Talk about 90’s! This guy’s hardware probably predates his birth.)

She chats with him more and more, switching to less public PM threads, and eventually, he opens up. His latest project, though, is not something Barbara has personal experience with.

FT: so if you found, hypothetically, a mysterious glowing substance that affects tech in weird and wacky ways that could totally have potential but might be vaguely sentient/otherworldly…. what would you do and how would you experiment with it. safely, of course. and hypothetically

BG: I’d make sure all my tests were in disposable devices and quarantined programs to keep it from infecting my important stuff. Dare I ask… how weird and wacky is it?

FT: uhhh. theoretically, a person composed of this substance once used it to enter a video game. like physical body, into the computer, onto the screen? moving around and talking and fighting enemies within the game?

FT: its been experimented with before, but not on any tech with a brain. just basic shields and blasters and stuff, its an energy source. also was put in a car once

FT: i wanna see how it affects software, yk? bc i already know it can. mess around and see how far i can push it

BG: […]

FT: … barbara?

BG: Sorry, thinking. Would you mind sharing more details? You said “blasters?”

Honestly. Kid genius with access to some truly wacky materials and even wackier weapons, she needs to start a file on him before he full sends to either hero or villain.

[OR: Tucker is a self-taught hacker, but if he were to credit a teacher, he'd name Barbara Gordon's Coding & Computer Cram School! He's even caught the attention of Dr. Gordon herself. She's full of sage advice, and with how she preaches the value of a good VPN, he's sure she's not pro-government. Maybe she'll help him as he studies the many applications of ecto-tech!]

[pictureamoebae]

UNDERSTANDING RESHADE - a guide by amoebae

This guide aims to give a general overview of what ReShade actually is, and a working understanding of the difference between the ReShade binary, ReShade shaders, and ReShade presets.

Additionally, at the end of the guide you'll find basic installation instructions, information about how to make a backup of ReShade, how to uninstall ReShade, and a few other helpful tips and tricks, including troubleshooting.

---

I've wanted to make a basic overview like this for a long time. I didn't realise how long the guide would end up! It's text-heavy, no screenshots, no videos.

I initially wanted to write something to solve the problem of people getting confused about the difference between ReShade (the tool) and shaders when they update to a newer version and find their presets might not look quite the same. I quickly realised that required a proper understanding of what ReShade actually is and how its different constituent parts work.

Never one to do things by halves, I got stuck in.

The result is something that hopefully gives a solid grounding in the way ReShade works, so people are better equipped to solve their own problems as they arise.

UNDERSTANDING RESHADE - a guide by amoebae

[thesovereignsring-if]

Hello! Your IF story inspired me to start my own IF game

Im thinking of using twine

And I would like to ask you if you had any tips or advice

Thank you!

Also side note I’m really excited and very interested in how this story is going to play out I already love the cast and can’t wait to see the rest!

OOoo thank you so much! I'm very flattered the game inspired you!

Twine has many different story formats, each with their own pros and cons. I personally use Sugarcube (I think next to Harlow, it is the most popular) so all my tips will be for Twine Sugarcube:

Basic tips:

Bookmark the Sugarcube V2 Document. This is your bible. It will have everything you need to use Twine. It's a daunting read, but I use it to troubleshoot when I forget how Macros work. I always have tab open for it.

Download a Twine Template. If you are brand new to Twine and making IFs, I heavily suggest downloading a template or two. Most of them come with tutorials and examples on how they work. Sometimes they even provide more helpful resources on Twine. I use Vahnya's Template II that I modified myself afterwards.

Study from pre-exisiting Twine IFs. Might be controversial, but I personally believe that diving in and seeing how other authors code and structure their stories helps a lot. Eventually you'll figure out a system and structure that works for you. It might not work for all games, but most Twine games can be downloaded and opened up in the twine editior. If you're worried about spoilers or upsetting people, feel free to download my game and see whats inside. I make multiple copies of the game, so any build I have out in the public is not the original build and therefore have no spoilers. I know it will look insane when you open it, but there's a method to the madness.

Writing and Planning:

Making an IF is no joke! Plan your story out, know your big variables, your branching routes and at least some part of your ending!! Try to stay as organized as possible. These projects and can will spiral out of control if you're not careful. I suggest having a giant excel sheet with tabs for important variables, chapter/scene breakdowns, wordcount and characters ect. Updating it will be a pain (that I am guilty of not doing) but will make developing easier. Even if you don't make a big project, its still good practise to do it.

#Stylesheet:

All the code in here relates to how the game looks. You can fiddle in there to configure the game to look how you want it to look. If you even want to see what element is tied to what ID code, the best thing to do is playtest the game (build >> play) and then leftclick and select "inspect element" you browser will open up the developer window and you see what elements are tied to what and even play around with the contents to test out CSS elements you like.

This website is a great resource on using CSS and other coding language. I personally used it many time to modify my game.

Helpful resources and Macros:

Chapel has made a LOT of custom macros that you can add to your game. You can find the list here.

But the most important one is the Pronoun Template. It might be confusing at first but one you understand how it work, its a great tool to have. You can even add gendered titles so that they work with the pronoun template.

Idrellegame is a great resource on coding in Twine. You can find the list here. It helped me out when starting out.

Exporting to Itch:

I never see people talk about Butler when it comes to uploading If games onto itch.io, so i'm doing it now.

What is Butler? Its a command-line tool that Itch made to upload your game onto Itch.io quickly and reliably.

The documentation is here. And I suggest coping and pasting the export codes onto a doc so you can use them for every update afterwards.

Here is a youtube tutorial you can follow along as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JCJa5iWREM

I personally have the Butler on the Itchio.app so that's its always up to date.

Thats all I can offer off the top of my head, if you or anyone wants some help on something specifically, feel free to DM me or drop another ask in the inbox. Always happy to help. Working in twine is very overwhelming for newcomers.

[monsterqueers]

So ive been using linux for a good while now, and its now officially my daily driver. Windows is now permabenched in a removed hhd in a drawer unless something awful happens. (Good riddance, havent truly enjoyed windows since xp)

And from this I think that people urging others to move to linux are not doing so in the correct way.

Instead of trying to push a friendly distro and insisting it will work for everything and everyone, instead check if the hardware they are using specifically is good for linux and if so what families.

One computer will be a breeze with any distro, another could have a few quirks but be basically fine, however another of the same year and manufacturer could be an uphill battle thats straight up unusable even for someone who knows how to do the kernel edit workarounds for all but specific distros, if that.

My desktop took linux mint like a dream, 100% painless with no fucking about to make it work and even no need for an ethernet cable to get things started. My dinosaur laptop (may it rest in peace after other components died) had a few issues but also worked very well with little effort with mint. My current junk laptop is an uphill battle that will require arch AND edits to the kernel paremeters to work without being filled with screen flashing and full system freezes at random and im still gearing up the gumption to give it another few attempts to actually pull it off.

Each of these computers is a VERY different experience, and if your prospective switcher is using a computer that doesnt play well, its NOT going to work, they will get frustrated, and they will give up. They have to work with what they have.

Instead of going right to telling them to switch and that anything is good, Encourage people to search up their pc+linux compatibility if they are looking to switch to determine if its viable for a newbie who doesnt want to struggle, then offer a distro that has a live usb/dvd version if possible for them to test without install, and a big enough userbase that troubleshooting is as painless as possible.

If its a laptop, archwiki has lists of those by maker (linked in the page given) with notes on what has been tested in that family of linux.

This, I think, above all, is the most important thing when trying to get people to switch:

MAKE SURE THEIR HARDWARE IS GOOD FOR IT

Not just the pc, but the peripherals too; their mouse, their mic, their webcam, their keyboard- these things are not always supported well.

Linux can be fast, easy, and really comfortable and painless with little to no troubleshooting or tedious workarounds to get your stuff to work; but you have to be using the right hardware.

Yes, make sure you have alternative programs lined up that are actually good (stop reccing gimp when krita is a way better P$ alternative for people trying to draw digitally), and maybe consider talking about how to run wine in a newbie friendly way for things they might need for work reasons that dont work on linux normally(and accept that it might not work even with wine), but above all, make sure that its not just being phrased as 'a you problem' when it might be their system that is the issue there.

For prospective switchers that tried but gave up because of glitches or freezes or things otherwise not working: It wasnt you being bad at computers. Sometimes it just doesnt work with that hardware well and there is nothing you can do. People dont warn you about this, but its a very real issue.

If you still want to try linux, when you eventually get a new computer in the future, look for one that seems to be supported by linux well- some pcs even come with linux preinstalled for you even (dell does this with ubuntu and ubuntu has skins that looks windows esque). Asking specifically for linux compatible or linux preinstalled computers signals to developers to make more computers that work with linux, and makes it easier to get linux friendly stuff.

If not, there are windows 11 neutering tools out there in the wild that are very useful and are a plenty fine alternative to switching. You should only switch if you want to switch.

[struungout]

I’m tired…

…of people telling newbies that all they need to do to fix their doll’s posing issues is to tIgHtEn ThE sTrInG. I’m coming for you people with a squirt gun.

How to Actually Make a Doll Handle Better:

Tighten/Loosen the string - Okay so yeah this CAN be helpful sometimes. Plenty of companies, artists and previous owners send dolls out too tight or too loose and it needs adjustment. This is basically 101 doll troubleshooting.

Note: Your doll shouldn't be so tight that you cannot comfortably pull hand/feet part out of their socket to replace them. I don't know why some of y'all do this shit, but I want to shake your head like an 8-ball every time you complain about not being able to get the doll's head off. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T! THE STRING CAN'T STRETCH ANY FURTHER! (also don’t keep the knot in the head because that’s making life harder for you too)

Elastic cord gauge is too thick/small for your specific doll - This, in my experience, tends to be the most likely cause of issues. Lot of people are under the impression that all dolls of specific sizes use the same size elastic, and that is not the case at all. I got dolls that need different size elastic for their arms vs their bodies. What thickness you need is completely dependent on how much room is available in the individual doll’s string channels.

As for why that is…

If you use too thick of elastic cord, it won't have room to move and thus won't pull back as well if at all (had this issue where my Raccoon Doll boy's hands wouldn't suck back into the wrist socket and his arms would also not sit nicely at his sides. Completely fixed when I used a thinner cord).

If too thin, then it won't have enough strength to pull pieces back together and you'll have an expensive rag doll.

Do yourself a favor and buy a pile of different sizes of elastic cord and experiment with what works in your individual dolls. I personally buy my elastic from Dollmore since they got a good collection of sizes with good strength for dolls, and even offer beige and brown colored cord (but if you have a local craft store with a good collection of elastic cord, that’d likely be even cheaper).

Elastic is complete garbage - If that shit stretches for days super easy, throw it away. Yes, we want stretchiness, but we also want that shit to snap back into place so all the parts pull together. Resinsoul and Iplehouse are two companies completely guilty of shipping their dolls with useless string in their dolls (not sure if that is still the case, but it was in all the times I purchased directly from them). It does not matter how tight you make this shit, it will not make your doll behave any better (if anything, now your doll is kicky, still floppy, and also it's impossible for you to switch hands and feet out).

Resin is too smooth - Lot of people love that silky smooth finish on their dolls, but now the parts have no friction and nothing to grab onto in their sockets. Hot glue sueding in the sockets helps a ton with amending this.

Wiring - If you want action figure level of control, this will get you at least partly there lmao. I've only bothered shoving wire into my dolls when they have truly bad joint designs (RIP Dust of Dolls and Lillycat lmao), but it’s always great to have this extra stability in more competently designed doll bodies.

String style is some cockamamie horseshit - A rare occurrence, but it happens (looking at you, Iplehouse and your fucked up cross-elastic-at-the-groin-before-going-down-legs nonsense). A majority of BJDs are strung in the one specific way because it's what works best and allows the elastic to do its job without hindrance.

If the doll in question isn’t over-engineered, you can sometimes restring them the Correct way, but usually dolls that are like this have to be modified to behave right.

[contritecactite]

Since @fandomtrumpshate starts up again soon, I thought I would babble a bit about my experience last year! Specifically, let's chat about podficcing. A nice and arbitrary 9 reasons to do the thing below the cut!

Thing 1: It's so much fun! I am bouncing up and down at the prospect of doing it again. In fact, I am planning to offer a slot for any fandom this year rather than just ones I'm familiar with!

Thing 2: Nobody was bothered by how amateurish my readings are, how basic my recordings were, or by the extra whistle and sibilance and mouth sounds that sneaked in. Nobody was annoyed that I don't do accents or intense voicework/character voices. It's something I want to improve in the future, but it's really not necessary—reading a fanwork aloud is first and foremost about making it accessible in a new format. Anything else is just icing!

Thing 3: People who want their works read are going to be communicative! The folks I worked with last year were happy to go back and forth until we decided which works were the best fit for me, and they were happy to answer my questions about how to read/interpret certain lines, etc. It was so much fun to toss around idea with them (even if we didn't end up using them all)!

Thing 4: This is a zero-entry-cost hobby (assuming you already have a device of some sort to read fic in the first place). You don't need fancy equipment and software. You can get the job done with an inbuilt audio recording app on your phone, and if you're in a quiet and non-echoey place, it can sound just as good as something made with a dedicated mic and such. Don't let "but I don't have a recording space" hold you back! Sit in your favorite chair and put your phone by your face while you read me a story. That's really all you gotta do.

Thing 5: In direct contrast... it is a good excuse to dip a toe into gear and software. There are lots of fairly cheap suitable microphones, and Audacity is free. I recorded one short fic via three different methods just to troubleshoot for fun!

Thing 6: You don't have to get it right the first time! (Or second or third or...) I save outtakes (profanity warning!) for the creators whose work I read. Sometimes a cat walked in and told me a mournful tale at top volume. Sometimes the neighbors turned on a leaf blower. You can even get silly with it on purpose if you need to warm yourself up! I do a lot of yelling "this is so silly and I am so embarrassed!" into the mic before I try a serious read.

Thing 7: You get to spend so much time with a work and its characters! You're gonna read that thing so many times to make decisions and to alert yourself to what's coming next. You'll be able to recite it around a campfire and it'll feel cozy and familiar (or, you know, extra painful if it's heavily angsty).

Thing 8: If you play things back and tweak them as often as I did, it goes a long way toward getting past hating the sound of your own voice or feeling disconnected from recordings of yourself. I've always been so so shy and hesitant to speak aloud in real-life conversations. I won't claim that I'm completely over any of those things, but spending time getting familiar with what I sound like in an objective, task-oriented setting has helped me learn to listen for my own vocal cues when I'm feeling too overwhelmed to process other kinds of feedback. I'm much more aware of what my uncertainty sounds like, for example, and am better able to cover for it now.

Thing 9: If you're also a writer as I am, it helps you look at your own writing through a new lens! I have been known to write 50+-word sentences, but now I (sometimes) stop to consider the punctuation breaks. How readable is this paragraph? Where would I take a breath if I were reading? Where would the emphasis naturally end up and how do I change that of it's not what I wanted?

I think people who are Better At Things might not necessarily have all the same experiences I shared here, but personally, I'm grateful for the opportunity, and I look forward to doing it again!

Here are the works I read for FTH last year:

Evil Plans by Sodium_Azide

The Night The World Didn't End by Aethelflaed

and the one that belongs to the earlier outtakes:

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by my dear friend QuothTheMaiden, who still seems to like me just fine even though there's a terrible whine behind the whole thing (this was the troubleshooting fic btw. Software updated and defaulted to the wrong device, but I picked the better read over the better sound quality in the end).

[cozy-sims]

Linux update! (And a few Nvidia tips)

After a dreadful day of trying to make this work, I'm reporting that The Sims 2 finally works on my new Linux system! 😭❤️ Admittedly I have made my own life harder setting this up, but the most important thing I've learned from this experience and thought it might worth sharing:

Before you try to install TS2 on your Linux, make sure that you have your graphics card's driver updated!

When I first installed The Sims 2 on Linux it was incredibly laggy and choppy, because the default Nouveau driver didn't work well enough with my Nvidia card. After I installed the Nvidia driver from the built in driver manager, the game just straightup crashed.

Then I had to find out that Mint's driver manager couldn't install the newest driver for my card (RTX 3070), and even when installed, it didn't work. 😂

So if you have an Nvidia card and struggling or planning to install Linux in the future, below the cut are a few useful tips that I've discovered in the depths of the Internet:

Check what driver the official Nvidia site recommends for your GPU. - I did this and it showed driver version 570.

2. I think this is optional, but open your terminal and type the cmd: sudo apt update - this will trigger Linux to update its driver list.

3. Open Driver Manager, and see if the recommended driver (570 in my case is available). For me it was not available, only the 550, this was my issue.

3.1. If you can see your required driver, awesome, install it from the driver manager and skip to step 5. 3.2. If not, you have to use this PPA. -> Meaning you have to open your terminal and enter the following commands (when I list multiple commands to run, first type the first one, press enter, then type the next one, press enter etc.): sudo add-apt-repository ppa:graphics-drivers/ ppa sudo apt update You can also find installation guide on the link above, but it's basically this. 4. Now you have to restart your system, and repeat Step 3. of this list. The newest driver should show up in your Driver Manager now, install it.

5. After installing, open your terminal and type the following command: inxi -G -> this will allow us to check if the driver works properly. Shock, it did not for me :D When working properly, it should look like this:

Display: x11 server: X.Org v: 21.1.11 with: Xwayland v: 23.2.6 driver: X: loaded: nvidia gpu: nvidia,nvidia-nvswitch resolution: 1:1920x1080~60Hz 2: 1920x1080~60Hz When not working, it looks like this: Example 1: Display: x11 server: X.Org v: 21.1.11 with: Xwayland v: 23.2.6 driver: X: loaded: nouveau unloaded: fbdev,modesetting,vesa failed: nvidia

6. This is the thread that helped me fix this problem. You have to scroll down to the Nvidia Graphics troubleshooting tips.

7. I had to add this "kernel boot parameter": nvidia_drm.fbdev=1 into the system. On this link you can see how to add it either temporarily or "permanently" (meaning you don't have to add it every time you start your system, but it is removable).

To add it permanently, you have to type the following commands into your terminal:

sudo nano /etc/default/grub GRUB_CMDLINE_LINUX_DEFAULT="quiet splash nvidia_drm.fbdev=1" sudo update-grub

8. After you added it, reboot your system, and when it starts again, check if the parameter is there with the command: cat /proc/cmdline

9. If it's there, run the inxi -G command again, and see if it looks like it should.

10. If not, you might have to update the Kernel version of your Linux, which you can do in the Update Manager/View/Linux Kernels menu. I had to update mine from 6.8 to 6.11.

After all this you should be good to install the game, I made my life so much harder than it was necessarily so I hope my research on how to deal with an Nvidia Graphics card with Sims 2 on Linux is helpful to some of you. 😂

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

Android (Leona) AU - Commission Piece

Thank you so much @nemisisnemi for the commission!!! (And for also being patient with me LMAO) So, general worldbuilding first, the basic headcanons for every character, Leona-specific building and a Nemi x Leona drabble to finish it off.

If you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, here's my (slightly out of date) comms info. Otherwise, just like/reblog/comment. It means a lot!!

----------------- General Worldbuilding

NRC - Night Raven Conglomerate

Night Raven Conglomerate is known globally for many of their businesses, however their most notable and profitable model comes from Yokai Tech Industries. YTI is responsible for the development of state of the art androids, available for public use. While widely referred to as 'andy's' or 'mechs', YTI has a model for all your personal and business needs, for any budget. (Any budget being from rich, to filthy rich) Each droid model name is indicative of it's role and what it's been programmed to do. Regardless of model, be aware that your bot will have:

Safe search on

A personality chip *please note it will take some time for your bot to develop its personality. It must cater itself to you as an owner and have time to research and develop a personality from external sources. This may mean your bot chooses a name for itself besides its serial number if you do not choose to disable this function

A direct connection to our troubleshooting department

Recording on **all bots 'eyes' or optics are set to record the world around them in order to create a database for themselves and be able to recall old files in order to learn

A user guide and personal password/key in order to access settings in back panel (including most items above)

A recharge station

The Models M.E.C.H- (Managing Everyday Chores and Homemaking) The most common bots on the market, and also, the cheapest! These bots are perfect for individuals and families, taking care of everything from meal planning and budgeting to getting kids ready for school and cleaning! They'll manage household finances and run your errands for you.

M.E.C.H's have a humanoid design, but are manufactured in a white-coloured metal alloy. Most have a feminine appearance, but by request/with permission from their owners they may alter their appearance. Clothing is simulated by internet research and metallic projections that allow them to emulate cloth. (M.E.C.Hs from the factory are often dressed in a maid-like outfit or in a pant suit.) M.E.C.H's are able to alter their "hair" style and colour, so long as it is considered appropriate by their owners. They are also able to shift their height slightly. (this design is somewhat inspired by Dominic Cellini on twt/insta)

M.E.C.H's are very durable and also easy to fix. They are capable of repairing themselves from damage after watching a mechanic fix the specific issue once, or contacting our troubleshooting team. M.E.C.H's are waterproof on their hands, and water resistant overall. They are fire resistant, and are equipped with safety measures in case of an emergency. They also have a direct line with 911. **A business model of M.E.C.H is also available for minimum wage jobs, usually those requiring hospitality skills. They are more susceptible to the emulation of emotion however, than the O.T.T.O model, and may shut down when dealing with a customer. This can usually be avoided by turning off the personality chip temporarily.

---------

O.T.T.O - Occupational Transport and Telecommunications Organizers (O.T.T.O) is a great model to consider for the workplace.

O.T.T.O bots are programmed to help increase efficiency and intrapersonal bonds in the workplace, comparable to an automated secretary. O.T.T.O bots do the following up, so you don't have to. Progress reports and statistics are created and analyzed in record time. They are also trained to deal with H.R conflicts in a calculated and unbiased manner. However, O.T.T.O bots have also recently been taking their place behind the wheel for public transportation, currently the only model approved to drive. So long as they are given ample time to either charge OR refuel, (like a car), they are a much safer option on the roads than humans are. They are a great choice as a chauffeur,( and YTI has proved as such by starting a cab company under a different name/brand.)

On public transit, their appearance is much more industrial than their office-working models. Most O.T.T.O bots tend to remain in their factory settings, remaining completely chrome in colour. They often maintain a bulkier looking chest and shoulder area for the sake of keeping potentially unruly costumers in check, though their arms and legs are capable of stretching and appear similar to bendy straws.

While these bots are reliable, they also seem susceptible to wear and tear. It's often cheaper to replace a bot when it no longer serves it's function properly. (cough cough planned obsolescence cough)

It is not recommended that these bots work in hospitality. YTI is currently working on O.T.T.O bots that may be considered for work in trades, though this has mixed reviews from the public as of right now, over concerns of the bots taking over jobs that require more certification than simple safety and a driver's license.

--------

EM-RR - Emergency Response Robot (often referred to as an "Emery")

This bot is built specifically with human safety in mind. It's only objective is to rescue human lives. These bots are manufactured to look like humans for the most part, as studies have shown receptiveness to being rescued was improved the more humanoid they appeared. These bots are equipped with basic paramedic training, fire fighting, extensive knowledge of the law and how it applies, medical equipment like that found on an ambulance, and search and rescue supplies, including a detachable drone that is a part of them. EM-RR's are also equipped with extra rations of food, water, blankets, toys, and radios. Besides M.E.C.H's, EM-RR's are the best bot to have around kids as they are often able to handle the responsibility, breakdowns and tantrums easily. These bots are also built to withstand extreme temperatures, pressures, and fluids.

They are not yet approved to operate in a rescue mission without a supervisor as many are still learning what does and does not harm a human in terms of handling them.

-------

E.L.U - Entertainment and Leisure Unit

These bots are made for the big screen, often boasting the newest and best technology YTI has to offer. Their appearances are highly dynamic and can switch on a dime according to their whims.

E.L.U's can only be afforded by the highest bidders, and only 1200 models have been made worldwide for the public to buy. (About 35 models are used for YTI's ad campaigns and as actors in movies, and of those models, only 1 is used as a social media 'influencer'.).

E.L.U's are equipped with exceptional emotion-imitating technology. They are able to replicate voices without issue, learn choreography immediately, possess perfect pitch, and are capable of playing any percussion or string instrument.

E.L.U's have been through the most rigorous testing and development. While being able to sustain damage fairly easily, nanotech allows for superficial markings and damages to repair itself. Any damage that occurs on a software level is unheard of, but would be covered by insurance. At least, unheard of to the public

----- Custom Bots (The YTI is currently working to develop a 'build your own bot' program for young aspiring engineers. The program will allow promising individuals to create a new android using the technology available to them in the facility, and also lead to streamlining the process by which someone could order a custom bot. Prototypes have been promising.)

-----

Rapid Fire World Building

Riddle - human toddler Trey - EM-RR - Firefighting specialty Cater - lives at home (mansion) with his dad, who is a banker and investor of Y.T.I Deuce - Mechanic Ace - Was the Roseheart's M.E.C.H, took care of Riddle, began to disobey orders from Dr. Rosehearts, was slightly dismantled and discarded of Leona - Explained Below (E.L.U) Ruggie - O.T.T.O bot, mainly working in taxis. Very friendly, has to do constant maintenance on himself so they don't take him out of service Jack - Mechanics assistant, M.E.C.H Azul - inherited his grandma's restaurant, investor of Y.T.I, has several M.E.C.H's at his disposal Jade - is set to take over his mother's jewelry business Floyd - no formal training as a mechanic, does the upkeep for the Ashengrotto restaurant. Has mixed feelings about the M.E.C.H's, sometimes breaks them just to put them back together Jamil - a hybrid of all three bots, meant to attend to Kalim. Has additional security measures built in place to act as a guard. Kalim - human, investor and advocate for android rights, as he believes they exist beyond just their programming and should be treated equally Vil - E.L.U owned by Eric Venue. Hates it. Rook - EM-RR - search and rescue specialty Epel - Mechanic. Doesn't really like Y.T.I's inventions. Too close to humans Idia - head engineer of Y.T.I. Can you guess why :) Ortho - DECEASED E.L.U model Malleus - a discarded prototype of the E.L.U model. The workers at Y.T.I believe it's battery is dead, but it has been able to hear everything around it for ages. Kept in the discard area, not even used for parts due to issues that came up during testing. "Cursed" Lilia - one of the engineers at Y.T.I. Starting to question whether the use of A.I was a good idea, the more he works with the newer and newer models. Silver - M.E.C.H's original prototype. It's "old" now, and does not hold a charge well. It is good friends with all the engineers and other workers at Y.T.I. Constantly has a mobile charging pack. Sebek - EM-RR, forensics specialty

Leona Specific Worldbuilding

Falena Kingscholar was one of the first investors for Y.T.I. For the sake of PR and as CEO of his late father's clothing company, he deemed his contributions to Y.T.I's research as charity - such a stunning new invention, such innovation could do so much to improve the lives of those less fortunate. He sealed the deal with action when, on M.E.C.H release day, he bought 250 models to give out at random.

Some might make the mistake of thinking he's a selfless man.

As one of the largest investors in Y.T.I, he is given advanced access to latest models, often receiving a prototype after development has been approved. As such, when he heard E.L.U. models were soon going to be able to customized, he approached the owner with a deal he simply couldn't turn down.

So four weeks ahead of schedule, after hours of video footage had been submitted, interviews, photographs, memories retold, AI training, the semblance of his late younger brother stood in his living room, though slightly less...organic, so to speak.

At first it was alright. E.L.U - C 12515141 Was equipped with the knowledge that it's name was to be Leona, it's pronouns from there on were to be he/him, and Falena Kingscholar had requested him to maintain a "brotherly" relationship with him. While he wasn't entirely sure what that meant yet, he agreed. He had been given the videos in his memory banks as to who he was meant to imitate after all.

Leona tried - but to be honest, there was very little footage of the boy he was meant to resemble that offered information about his personality. He mitigated this by asking Falena to take a short questionnaire regarding which siblings in media he wanted him to imitate.

When Leona got his answers however, the patterns didn't line up. The boys he saw in the videos did not match the dynamics Falena had selected.

He saw videos over and over and over again where Falena was the subject, and the boy he was meant to imitate was nothing more than a background character. Secondary.

Now, maybe it was the push to develop him so quickly, so something was overlooked, or maybe it was just how evolution was meant to take place in a machine as novel as he, but something changed about his programming, about his personality.

If the living boy had been nothing but an understudy for the success his elder brother had come out to be....what did that make him? A replacement for someone who was never truly cared for? Built to be a coping mechanism for someone who regretted their decisions? All he was, was the embodiment of Falena's guilt, and a pillar to be Falena's redemption. He wasn't built to be loved, or enjoyed, or even for entertainment, he was built from man's selfishness.

In the following weeks, Leona tried to keep to his programming, but between processing and cross referencing and research on both the family itself and the psychology that he would be expected to have, he started to lapse more. He would write off slips of the "tongue" as "glitches" or his body language began to become more pronounced, usually in regards to annoyance. In between it all, he was trying to figure out if he was experiencing real human emotions about this all...or if it was all just part of the programming.

Eventually, Leona's internal conflict got to be too much. Violent tendencies and impulses began to arise, resulting in him damaging himself, shutting down randomly to avoid external conflict, and an otherwise unexpected disposition.

He listened into the phone number Falena made to send him in for repairs to his "personality chip." Leona took it as a threat, and immediately blocked all outgoing signals to Y.T.I temporarily to find a way to remove his personality chip on his own. Using bathroom tools, the mirror, and damaged pieces of himself, he all but performed surgery on himself to remove it - only to be horrified to realize all the "simulated" emotions he thought he had were still very much present. Unsure what to do, he stored the chip in one of his compartments, out the window and ran.

He was blacking in and out as he went, from the sheer panic he felt but tried to keep under wraps. It wasn't until he made it to a junk yard, where he could bury himself in scraps to hide that he finally let himself dive into power saving mode, sitting silently for who knows how long.

---------------------------

Nemi x Leona Drabble

Battery Charged - 100% All Systems Back Online Rebooting Programming. . . Programming Error Detected - Contact Y.T.I? Yes No

"No. No don't contact Y.T.I." Nemi muttered softly, fighting the grime on their fingers to make the touchscreen respond.

It wasn't very often that Nemi or any of the junkyard crew found anything of value - at most maybe half a M.E.C.H or a catalytic converter if they were lucky - but a fully in tact, possibly operational E.L.U was unheard of. It was genuine too. How it had ended up in the junkyard was beyond him, but he wouldn't forsake the powers that be that left such a project to fall into his hands.

He rubbed his fingers on the cloth set over his shoulder, trying again to hit the button on the screen. To his relief, it finally registered.

Y.T.I Services can be contacted throu- (tap, uninterested) If your bot is not perf- (tap, that's what I'm here for...) System's Calibrating . . . System Calibration Complete E.L.U C 12515141 At Your Service, Courtesy of Y.T.I

The screen finally flickered black, before the metal beneath it flickered into the appearance the bot had had last, it's hand coming up to touch it's head as if it had a headache, it's "nose" scrunched as if it were in pain. The optics opened and shut a few times, the gentle whirr of fans blowing out dust and dirt build up that apparently, Nemi hadn't cleaned out thoroughly enough.

Whether the bot itself groaned, or it was it's internal workings coming back to life wasn't distinguishable, but Nemi stayed on his knees next to it as it seemed to slowly adjust to it's new surroundings. It squinted slightly, locking eyes with Nemi before glancing around the humble workshop.

It wasn't until it lowered it's arm it noticed that the chrome finish was no longer there - hell, the damage from his arm was gone. It was slightly bulkier than the other, but all in all, with a little buffing it would be good as new again.

It opened and closed it's hand experimentally, as if processing it was functioning like before.

"...You did this?" The bot's once blue optics much more closely resembled brilliant green eyes, scrutinizing the work of the supposed mechanic next to him.

Nemi swallowed hard, unsure what, exactly about this bot made him feel slightly uncomfortable, but cleared his throat and nodded, gently taking the bot's arm in his hands and turning it to show the carefully soldered metal, just the smallest glimpse of the wires beneath it.

"Yeah, I did. Um, you were partially crushed by a refrigerator? I think it fell on you from higher up in the stack, so I did my best to repair your arm myself. I...I may have taken apart your other arm to make sure I could make the servos match up properly, but everything's good as new. Promise. Name's Nemi, by the way."

The bot stayed quiet a moment longer, now looking down at both it's arms.

"....Why? I was supposed to be scrapped."

The bot finally moved, but only to tilt it's head back til it touched the wall, bringing a knee up to rest one of it's newly repaired arms on it, and closing its eyes. If it could sigh, Nemi was fairly certain it would have.

He adjusted himself, sitting flat on the ground instead, regarding the bot in some confusion.

"But you're an E.L.U. Nobody would just throw you away or, gods forbid, use you for parts. Any self respecting mechanic or robofanatic would repair you. You're gorgeous, top of the line, most sought after kinda model....how'd you end up out here anyways?"

The bot didn't seem to like that question, it's auxiliary power cord flicking, not unlike that of a cat as it looked away.

"Does it matter?"

Can a robot have an existential crisis? The thought passed through Nemi's mind, but he just shrugged in response.

"Not really. But it'd be kind of nice to know your name if you want to stick around here."

Nemi was met with an immediate glare of disdain.

"I'm not gonna follow your orders. Somethin' about defective programming probably came up on my reboot, right?"

Nemi shrugged again.

"Yeah, but you seem fine. Actually you seem like a lot more fun than most M.E.C.H's. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, but it would be nice to have a friend here."

The bot remained silent, looking away from Nemi. The silence stretched on for a while, before it finally let out a slightly exasperated sound.

"You can stop staring. You can also...call me Leona."

Nemi couldn't help but smile a bit, extending a hand to shake.

"It's nice to meet you."

--------------------------------- OTL thank you again for the comm, hope this was up to expectation and also tag list time! @fluffle-writes @my-cursed-brain @distant-velleity @elenauaurs @lumdays @theleechyskrunkly

DM to be added/taken off ^^

[kde-plasma-official]

my workplace needs urgent help:

Ever since Microsoft rolled out KB5058411 (the Windows 11 24H2 Feature update) our 3D artist has massive performance problems with basically everything.

This update fails to install, Microsoft Update hogs resources even when its processes are stopped, hiding this update with wushowhide.diagcab doesn't work, Windows Update still tries to install it.

What took him around 10-12 seconds before to render a frame, takes now about 2 minutes, opening files takes ages as well.

I was trying to troubleshoot as much as I could but all the things I know what worked for former updates when I still ran Windows doesn't seem to help now.

We are approaching deadlines and he has to take overtime just to get it all done.

It's a workplace PC, we don't have an IT department, so I am looking for something as uninvasive as possible

[lordmartiya]

Unexpected Guest

Hi, @professorducc, I'm your Secret Santa for @mlsecretsanta. Here's my gift to you, the story Unexpected Guest.

Marinette didn’t understand what was happening, and most importantly why. It wasn’t unusual when Lila was involved, but this time it was far more than usual. “Why?” she asked to the brunette now helping her pack. “You’re going to be a guest, and that means for the time being you’re basically family I can have dirty thoughts about.” Lila replied. “Simple as that.” “Yes, but-dirty thoughts?!” “In case nobody told you, you’re hot. An annoying santarellina that doesn’t know how to pick her battles, but a hot one.” “If that’s your idea of flirting, it’s not working.” Marinette replied, telling herself the heat she was feeling in her cheeks was from embarrassment. “And I mean why you’re taking me in while-while…” “That’s my mother’s idea. I guess it paints the embassy better, the consul helping the granddaughter of an Italian citizen in her time of need. And for what is worth, I hope your parents recover and someone finds that driver and feeds them their own license.” That was the problem. Her parents had been hospitalized after being hit by a car, and with Nonna Gina being around the world and her grandfather legally inelegible due what he called “the stupidest thing I ever did” Lila’s mother, the consul and acting head of the Italian embassy until Papillon was dealt with and the French government came back with the ambassadors and the nuclear codes, had stepped in, taken over guardianship for the time being, and was having her move at her home on the other side of Place des Vosges.

  “This is the guest room, and here the current Wi-Fi codes and how to get through the security jamming. Once you’ve used them throw the paper in the incinerator chute.” Lila said after showing the rest of the apartment to her new roommate and handing her the passwords for the week. “If you need any help, you only have to ask.” “The what chute?” Marinette asked. Of course, she had no idea how diplomats’ family lived. “Welcome to the world of diplomacy, full of secrets to be kept through lies, deception, and even destruction at times. It’s one absurd world, to the point I have no idea if my mother was joking when she told me of the Japanese “troubleshooter”, if you get what I mean, that poses as a diplomat and always wears a plushie rabbit mask – though if I actually see him, I’m leaving before he starts weaponizing macarons and firing lasers from the eyes.” Marinette was bewildered. Good, the phantomatic Usagi-sensei would keep her mind off the event long enough to get Alya her security clearance and get inspected to visit her friend.

  “You had to get a security clearance?!” Marinette asked her best friend once she arrived. “Yeah… Fingerprints, a background check… And then they checked me and the package as if we were suspicious at an American airport, only they didn’t assume I was guilty until proven otherwise.” Alya confirmed. “They even complimented me for the brand of bug detector.” “Just… Let’s use it, I’m not trusting Lila until I verified she hasn’t bugged the room.” Turned out Lila had bugged the room. As in she had put a single bedbug-shaped listening device on the desk, near its receiver and a note saying “Satisfied?”. “What is she planning?” Marinette wondered. “Maybe nothing? I mean, she’s actually doing what she said she’d do.” Alya pointed out. “And if she had bad intentions, she’d have already stolen the Box. Marinette had no counter to that. Maybe she was actually being sincere. She could even ask her what her grandfather’s problem was, if the security was like that then it was likely on file.

  “Sorry, what?” “Your grandfather got arrested with a fascist group that was preparing a coup over EU membership.” Lila explained, having seen too much weird stuff like that to bat an eye at what she had just read. “Apparently it was more a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time so he got a suspended sentence, but he still followed a friend there and thought what they said made sense to him until they started talking of armed action and it made rethink his life. Still better than my great-granduncle.” Lila didn’t really want to share that, but Marinette was a guest and someone she admired and she wasn’t letting her in the dumps for her grandfather having been an idiot. “What did he do?” Marinette asked, taking the bait. “Officially? Nothing, he was just the podestà of Brescello until 1945. But if you read between the lines, you’ll get why right after the war the town’s archpriest and the local Communist leader ran him out of town. But I hope you aren’t assuming that person’s actions decide who I am, just like Roland Dupain’s idiocy doesn’t decide who you are.” Marinette could read between the lines. Her expressions made clear she didn’t know what a podestà was in context, but an archpriest and a Communist leader running someone out of town back then said more than enough. And her guest got the message. That was enough for Lila, who grabbed her copy of one of the old spirit cultivation texts Chloè found, hoping that her study would help her in her attempt to settle the score with Ladybug.

  Marinette had thought to stalk Lila. She had been acting weird, and with everything that had happened in their past she decided to find what her cute host was up to. She had not been expecting to track her and Chloè to a catacomb right on the city’s Dragon Vein (or ley line, as they were called by Western mysticists) – and tapping into it with a Wellspring. A place perfect for all types of Spirit Cultivation, to the point that if she had access to this “La Plage”, as they had named the catacomb, she’d have broken through and obtained unrestricted use of a Miraculous months ago. Still, she first had to ask one thing: “Where’s Sabrina?” “Certainly not in a section of the Catacombs closed to the public.” replied Chloè. “You think I’d bring the daughter of an archer here?” Right, stupid question. “What does archery have to do with this?” Lila asked. “That’s what we call our cops.” Chloè answered before turning to Marinette. “As for you, what are you doing here?” “I… I was just curious, Lila acted so weird and-” “Ugh! Don’t tell me that Andrè’s orange and green ice cream was actually a sign!” “No!” came the denial, with Marinette wondering why she felt her cheeks heating up just as she looked for something, ANYTHING to distract the blonde and the (pleased?! Seriously?!) Italian. Wait. The Wellspring! “By the way-“ “Don’t change topic.” Lila interrupted. “I’ve heard about the ice cream, but it seems there’s more about it than I thought.” “That can wait, Dupain-Cheng’s distractions are always useful.” Chloè pointed out. “I take you were talking of the Odic Magnet?” Marinette would later learn her scream of horror started a new legend about the Catacombs. “You went by a biomagnetism design?!” she whispered in horror. “So?” Marinette didn’t answer. She just pulled her phone (somehow that area had excellent reception) and called Big Sister Fei. She was the single best Cultivation expert Marinette knew of, and she wasn’t going to let the two accidentally give themselves the same kind of imbalanced qi-induced insanity that by now Paris’ favorite terrorist had to be in the grip of.

  Lila didn’t like being in debt. That was why she had resolved to find a way to repay Marinette for saving her sanity and possibly soul. And while normally she’d be happy for a chance, this was just too weird. “Ch’hai detto?” Lila asked, slipping in her native Romanesco dialect from the surprise. Luckily, it was very close to standard Italian and her interlocutor was fluent in that. “I said, this is the perfect chance to deal with Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Gabriel repeated. “She’s weak and vulnerable, and you are in the perfect position to insure she won’t recover.” “With all due respect” that is none at all “she’s become inoffensive. Wouldn’t be more practical to make her an ally?” “I’m not taking risks. Finish her off. Frame her for theft, or something. Make sure she won’t have the ability to corrupt Adrien, your job depends on it.” “Very well. I know what to do.”

  Marinette couldn’t believe what she was hearing in Lila’s recording. Neither could Adrien. “How did you record this? Father has a jammer in his atelier.” he pointed out. “Tape recorder, too primitive to be affected.” Lila replied. Her recorder did look weird… But if Gabriel was doing this – “And before you ask, he’s got nothing to do with the crash, mom checked.” “Now what?!” Marinette shouted. “If he hates me, he will-“ “He will un cazzo.” Lila hissed as she put her hand on Marinette’s. Something she found oddly comforting. “This isn’t about planning a counterattack, it’s about planning how to deal with the aftermath once the Caramba have Carambed him.” “What?” Adrien asked. Marinette, on the other hand, understood Italian slang enough to realize what would happen. Though she wondered if it was legal. Then Lila’s phone signaled it had received something. And once she looked it, she laughed Volpina’s laugh. “Well, they Carambed him faster than expected.” she said as she forwarded the message. “Did you know I have Ladybug’s number?” Marinette knew, she had given it right after Chamele-oh. Oh, no. “Marinette, why are your earrings flashing?” Lila asked.

“So, let’s resume everything.” Lila said once the consequences of the Carabinieri detachment of the embassy putting Agreste Manor under full surveillance and catching a charged Akuma coming out had unfolded. “Gabby was Le Papillon, his minion Mayura, and they started hunting the Miraculous down to revive Adrien’s mom after she got nearly killed by a broken Miraculous and it didn’t dawn on them they could just Akumatize Adrien, who’s also Chat Noir and a Sentimonster because in his own words “adoption is for peasants”, with the right powers to do the job rather than alter the fabric of the universe. Something we’ve proven is possible by giving the Butterfly Miraculous to this Socqueline so that she could have you heal your parents and then have Adrien heal the minion and his mom – who the police are currently holding for questioning about a few weird incidents.” “Yes.” Marinette confirmed, her face indecifrable. “You are also Ladybug, and the whole reason of the initial accident is that back then Adrien’s involvement in anything made you lose more braincells than Alya did back then when Ladybug was involved.” “Yes.” “You have some explaining to do. Seriously, why did YOU wear such a plain” and sexy “costume?! I thought you couldn’t possibly be Ladybug because you have a fashion sense, and she obviously didn’t!” Marinette’s face showed her relief. The fool. She had only a few days before she got back home, and Lila was going to tease the everliving everything out of her new romantic target friend while she could. She didn’t know what the future held, but it was clearly brighter than either of them expected.

Author notes

There’s an Easter egg in this story. Yes, I did what I did. No, I’m not telling you what I did. But if you got it you’re probably laughing your ass off. Lately I got interested in the Spirit Cultivation genre, that draws heavily on Daoism… And as it happens, the show in general and the Chinese Miraculous Box in particular are easily tied to it, allowing me to actually fill the gigantic plot holes of Lila and Chloè’s character arcs: in the effort to get the power to survive the perceived threats they Cultivated themselves into villainy, with Chloè becoming more selfish and Lila getting so engrossed in her lies she thought it was a good idea to create multiple fake identities (and achieving the magical bullshitting power to convince two women she’s their daughter). I also had fun getting in some Vitalist idea to connect.

[exeggcute]

last week our main HVAC return vent start emitting a weird shrill noise whenever the air conditioning turned on (and it's the first big heat wave of the year in vegas rn so it's basically always on lol) and after a day or two of unsuccessful troubleshooting, and with me and my perpetual hatred of Sounds, I called an HVAC guy out. just from hearing the sound he was like "that's definitely either the blower motor or blower wheel on its way out. or both." and then since he was an honest guy he said I should contact the original installer to see if any of this would be under warranty, but if not I should call him back and he'd get it fixed. then spoiler alert I checked and it was not under warranty (which is honestly fine considering last year's warranty repair fiasco devolved to the point where we actually consulted a lawyer) so I called him back and scheduled something for a few days from now. all of this transpired on like, friday.

as things were I was going to take this as a fable about how neurotic bitches who hate noise are correct and you should listen to them because the thing that's driving them crazy might actually be the sound of imminent mechanical failure, and how if I had like a 20% higher tolerance for this shit I probably would've ignored it until it turned into an actual failure. but then lol. a day later the shrill noise got supplemented by a louder rattling noise in the vents/ceiling and I was like "well that doesn't seem good" and now the AC in one of our zones is more or less dead. like the thermostat turns on and the return vent starts sucking but the supply vent only coughs up the tiniest bit of cold air, which would indicate that the guy's diagnosis was correct—because the system is generating cold air, but the thing(s) that move cold air aren't getting it where it needs to go.

so I'm both grateful that we have a zoned climate system at all (which is just super nice in general) and that one of the still-okay zones is the one our bedroom is in, but I'm on my fucking knees praying to science or whatever that those other zones can hang on for another twelve hours because the sun just went down and it's still 99 degrees out lmfao. perils of desert living. it's not an old system either but I guess the blower pieces push hot AND cold air so we've certainly been putting them to use this whole time. also the irony of all this is that we just got rooftop solar panels and specifically opted not to run some conduit thingy through the attic because it's not a "real" attic, it literally just houses the HVAC system, so we were like. well, better not to have anyone go poking around or put extra shit in there that might disturb things. and yet...