#its going to make his past behavior make a lot more sense ill tell you that much lol

[bucketsofmonsters]

The Witch's Apprentice - Part 5

cw: demon summoning, prolonged isolation, size difference, non-human genitalia, oral sex, agoraphobia, magical branding, more tags will be added as the story continues

male demon x afab reader

Word count: 4k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7

By your third week of being locked in your room, you felt like you might lose your mind. 

Considering you’d been locked in the house for years you’d think the room wouldn’t be so bad. The actual space wasn’t that much smaller but the real problem was that there was nothing to do. Everything you’d been busying yourself with for years was locked outside, your books, your garden, your best friend. 

Any pretense of freedom had disappeared. You could no longer go outside, chose what to do with your day, or see another living thing. 

Well, most living things.

Eden had soundproofed all of the rooms for her own usage, so no one overheard anything she didn’t want them to. She knew how to break through it and project sound through the walls, something you’d never learned to do. However, you had no qualms about using the soundproofing to your advantage. 

Lucien was less and less incredulous with every new time you summoned him. What do you want’s turned into easy greetings and his exasperation with you faded, although he seemed loathe to let you notice. 

The summonings had become almost daily events. 

You never made it more than an hour or two without at least giving it a shot. Your lack of actual summoning materials or techniques made it so he didn’t strictly have to come, could just decide not to show up, but he almost always did, choosing to stay with you for hours on end. 

Every now and then he’d drop out, feeling a tug of being summoned by some other witch before he’d pop back, unsummoned and of his own choosing. 

Today you were laying back on your bed while he sat on the floor. Even sitting, he was tall enough that your heads were roughly in line with one another. 

You never did much. You would ask him question after question and watch as his answers got more and more evasive, not even to hide anything but seemingly doing it just because he could. He spoke in circles just to watch your head spin and see how long it would take before the questions stopped in favor of throwing pillows at him. 

All the pillows lay scattered around him leaving you tragically out of ammo. You supposed you’d just have to hope that he’d had a change of heart in his neverending quest to irritate you. 

It never worked. Not really. 

Even if it weren’t for the boredom that made you cling to every word, there way something almost charming about his refusal to commit to an answer, to dance around the question and try and make you forget what you’d originally asked, regardless of whether he cared about you knowing the answer or not. It felt almost like a game. 

“What does it feel like when you get summoned?” you asked, curious what happened on his end when he got that distant look in his eyes. 

“Why, do you think you're getting summoned?” he asked with a laugh. “Is there another witch out there who wants to lock you in an even smaller room?”

“Stop it. She’s just worried.”

“Uh-huh. How long do you think this is going to last?” he asked, staring out at your locked door with blatant disgust. 

You were less evasive with your answers. “I don’t know. If it lasts longer I might actually lose it.”

“So let me take you somewhere. Come on, I’ll have you back before you know it.”

Where the teasing and talking in circles was entertaining, this was your biggest point of contention. Lucien had become fixated on getting you out of here, on showing you the world. 

You’d be lying if you said part of your apprehension to leave wasn’t fear. It had been so long, even talking to him had been such a big step. You couldn’t imagine just being somewhere new. 

But you also couldn’t do that to Eden, betray her trust like that. No matter how many times he reassured you that she would never know, it left a churning feeling in your stomach. She’d been there for you for so many years, kept you safe. You couldn’t just leave her like that, behind her back. 

You avoided the topic as often as you could. Other than those little arguments, seeing him had absolutely become the best part of your day. 

You supposed that wasn’t hard to do. You spent most of the time he wasn’t there sleeping, What else was there to do?

You told him as much and he couldn’t quite manage to hide the flash of pity that crossed his face, the one that showed up whenever you mentioned your current living situation. 

He did his best to push past it. “Have you been having fun dreams?” he asked with a grin. 

You tried to brush off the comment despite his suggestive tone and allusion back to what he’d seen before. “They’re fine. Why don’t you show up in them anymore?”

“Just fine? Maybe dream me needs some pointers.” 

You leaned off the bed, reaching for the pillow that lay closest to you on the floor. You managed to get a grip on it right as you started to slide off the bed but Lucien pushed you back up before you could fall to the floor. 

He was rewarded for his efforts by a pillow flying towards him that collided with one of his horns as you let out a quiet harrumph. 

“You’re so rude to me. And why are you asking? I’m here all the time, do you miss me?” he asked, cooing at you with faux sympathy. “Because if you want me there all you have to do is ask.”

“None of that was an answer to my question,” you informed him, well aware it wouldn’t get you anywhere. 

He rolled his eyes. “You’re much more fun when your inhibitions are gone.”

“Mmhmm, I’m sure. And do you take a lot of humans to your little sin room?”

“Only the cute ones.”

You snorted. “Yeah, sure.”

“I could take you back there.”

“You are so shameless. If you want me to get all loose and flirty again just bring some wine by or something.”

“Not like that. I just think it would be good for you to get out, stretch your legs.”

“For the last time, I’m staying right here.”

“Suit yourself,” he said with a huff, as if there was even the smallest chance that he’d finally give up on the idea. “If it were me, I would have killed that bitch by now.”

“Stop it! You will not talk about her like that!” Your defense of Eden was as reflexive as ever. You knew he had every right to be unimaginably angry at her but she was still your best friend, your savior. 

His inevitable upcoming protest was cut off by your dinner being slid under the door, Lucien keeping absolutely still as the metal tray scraped against the floor. 

He hated being here when she was nearby, even if she wasn’t interacting with you much these days. He claimed it was because he didn’t want to get you in even more trouble and get any more of your freedoms taken away. 

You were sure that was part of it. But you saw the way he tensed up when she got close, when any sign appeared of her existence right on the other side of the door. 

He was afraid of her. Absolutely terrified. 

It made your heart ache, seeing him like that, seeing the fractures in his facade. You couldn’t help but wonder what she’d done to him to make him act like this. 

Not that he’d ever tell you. You knew better than to push that point, it was one secret he was more than entitled to. 

You did your best not to dwell on it too much. If you did you’d have to reflect on the way he always put himself between you and the door, the way he tensed up whenever she called out to you, knowing you couldn’t even respond unless she allowed it through the soundproofing.  She never did. 

You couldn’t be sure exactly when, maybe when you summoned him on your own the first time, maybe when you’d told him about all the years you’d spent stuck in this cabin surrounded by the vicious woods, maybe when you’d broken that summoning circle and trusted him, but at some point he’d decided that you were just as much Eden’s victim as he was. Some mysterious point where something switched in his mind and it moved from being you and her against him to Eden against the two of you. 

You didn’t blame him for it. Eden had done horrible things to him, that much was clear. He needed her to be a villain and you could give him that. 

Lucien always waited a long time before speaking after she showed up so you just lay there, attempting to sneak glances at him and getting caught every time. 

Eventually his shoulders untensed and he seemed to decide it was safe to speak again, although a simmering anger still burned in his eyes. 

“She isn’t teaching you jackshit.”

“Well…” you attempted to protest before he immediately cut you off. 

“Not a question. I could teach you, you know. Your little witch isn’t the only one who knows magic.”

You laughed. “And what’s the price? You want my soul or something?”

“Please, if I wanted your soul I’d probably just need to ask, your dumbass would just hand it over to me.”

He probably wasn’t that far off the mark, if your history was any indication. 

You shrugged as you replied. “There’s no real point in teaching me anyways, I’m not very good at it.” You weren’t even sure why he was offering, he’d already seen more than enough of you to know you were a lost cause. 

“Being good at things isn't the only reason to do them. Come on, have some fun with it.”

Everything in you screamed that it was a bad idea, that you’d fuck it all up. But the way he was looking at you, daring you to say yes, managed to override those instincts just long enough to squeak out, “Fine. But you’re not allowed to get mad when I mess up.”

You weren’t sure what to expect of Lucien as a teacher. Whatever those confused expectations in the back of your head were, he certainly didn’t match them. 

He was a patient teacher, letting you feel things out quietly and slowly. His jokes and evasiveness disappeared completely and every question you had was met with a careful answer. 

You discovered very quickly that his sort of magic was very, very different from Edens. 

Eden was all about rules, about maintaining the security and purity of her spells first. Everything was a strict ritual to be observed. 

Lucien’s magic contained a freedom you thought couldn’t be afforded to humans. Instead of a list of materials and steps, what you were faced with most frequently now was instructions to shut your eyes and imagine, to put all the trust you had into the idea that when your eyes opened, whatever you imagined would have happened. 

It was something you struggled with. That faith that it would work. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t believe in the magic, you’d seen far too much for that. It was thinking it would work for you that you kept stumbling 

Where Eden’s magic was like a recipe, Lucien’s felt more like a trust fall. 

And still, you progressed. Without the same confidence Lucien carried himself with, but progress nonetheless. 

He brought you little gifts every time you made progress, slivers of the outside world. 

You’d been getting frustrated with yourself. The very first thing he’d tried to teach you was just the ability to reach out to someone. 

You sat there, day after day, attempting it. The way he’d explained it, everyone had an aura, a little pool of energy that hovered around them. If you focused you could reach out, stretch it thin and find someone else’s. 

It had to be close. Not in proximity but in a more abstract sense. He reassured you that the two of you were more than close enough for it to work. 

One night, after he had long since left, you were practicing and getting frustrated once more when you felt that aura of yours he’d described time and time again bump into something warm, and a sense of familiarity washed over you.  

A moment later you felt something back, a meandering sense of something winding inside of you, pulling at some part of you that made you giggle. Who knew auras could be ticklish? 

The next day he came bearing an eclair. It felt like a breath of fresh air. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been able to eat something sweet like that.  

You treasured the little paper doily it came on, sometimes just tracing the intricate designs that bordered it. 

A few days later was a soft scarf in a bright red that had been given to you when you opened your eyes to find yourself letting off a faint glow in that same red. 

The next time you managed to do something, this time it was simply to warm up a surface by a few degrees, he reached out and handed you a gift he had at the ready. It made your heart swell that he already had it, like he had absolute faith you’d be able to do something to deserve it. This time it was a tiny ceramic fox that had its little head lifted defiantly towards the sky

You kept them all buried under your pillow, terrified that any day now would be the day and Eden would come in to free you only to see mysterious trinkets that could only have come from elsewhere. 

You kept the fox wrapped up in your scarf, afraid you’d roll over wrong in your sleep and it might break but still unwilling to hide the little treasures too far away from yourself. 

More often than not, you woke up clutching them, a habit you couldn’t break no matter how hard you tried. 

Sooner than you ever could have imagined, you weren’t even afraid to make mistakes around him anymore. When you’d begun, you’d been convinced any slip-up would ruin everything, that he’d give up on you and leave you behind. Now you floundered and messed up spells and it didn’t matter. He made sure that you were alright, that it was safe to learn and eventually you figured them all out. 

“I’m running out of rewards,” he said with a chuckle as you beamed down at your fox, one you’d managed to make wobble without so much as touching it. “That’s how you know you’re getting good. How will I ever motivate you now?”

“Are you kidding,” you basically shouted, pride and excitement welling up inside you. “Did you see what I just did? That was amazing! I don’t need a reward to want to learn how to do incredible things.”

“Maybe. I think you deserve them anyways.”

The comment brought a heat to your cheeks, one that was becoming more and more common in you every time Lucien was here. Another thing you tried not to dwell on too much, lest you get swept up in it. 

His head cocked to the side with a familiar look as you gave him an understanding smile. “Off to see another witch?” you asked.

He sneered. “Yes, your favorite witch, in fact. Well, I shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

He leaned down towards you and kissed the top of your head before immediately dissipating, a move that didn’t feel quite fair. At least it didn’t give him the chance to watch you flounder. 

As you slept that night you found yourself having a familiar dream. The walls of colorful fabrics were a much more welcome sight than the forest that so often plagued your dreams. 

A dream Lucien stood before you, per usual. But something was off this time. It took you a second to place it before you realized that even standing here, passively, you could sense his aura. You knew him too well for the trick he was trying to pull. 

But after an onslaught of little tricks and his rude kiss and run earlier, you were feeling a little more mischievous than normal. Perhaps he was rubbing off on you. 

Before he could say anything to tease you, you strode up to him, got onto the very tips of your toes, and reached up to pull him into a kiss. 

He was too tall for you to be able to pull a maneuver like that without him playing along but he eagerly leaned down to meet you, lips crashing together. His hands fell to your waist, helping you keep your balance as you strained to reach him. 

You pulled away after a moment and looked up at him with a smirk, giving his aura a little tug as you said,  “You really should announce when it's you.”

He laughed. “You didn't give me the chance.”

His hands tightened around your sides, giving you a gentle squeeze as he kept you close. “We don’t have to stop, you know. I’d be a cruel man to rob you of a wet dream.”

Your boldness grew in your chest. You couldn’t remember if you’d ever been around someone and simply not felt nervous before now but these last few weeks, he’d managed to foster that feeling in you. You were eager to try out this new confidence. 

You slipped out of his grasp and fell to your knees in front of him. “You know,” you said, “I haven't been able to thank you for being so kind to me.”

For once he seemed to be at a loss for words. After a moment of floundering, he managed to say, “You don’t need to do that, little one.”

“I want to,” you said, looking up at him with big eyes. 

You barely caught the quiet groan that escaped him. “What did I do to deserve you,” he asked, and it too was quiet. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was a question meant for you or if it was for the universe itself. 

After his little nod of permission, you were immediately undoing his pants, eager to get your hands on him after so many weeks of pining after him. 

Being here, now, it felt silly that you’d denied yourself those feelings for so long. Outside of his little pocket of hell where you’d been able to do as you wished, you’d tried to force down those feelings. 

But now, despite the appearance of his familiar room, nothing was here to help you along. The dam just broke, and you couldn’t help but wish you’d given in much sooner. 

As you pulled down his pants you found he was already hard, his massive cock bouncing up as you freed it of its confines. 

Part of you was glad your first encounter with it was in a dream because it was intimidatingly big. It fit his frame as he towered above you but you were unsure if humans and demons were meant to be together like this. You found you didn’t much care either way. You’d make it work. 

You gave an experimental lick to the tip, your tongue moving lightly across it. 

His hand came down to grab your jaw as you pulled off of him, squishing your cheeks as he angled your face up toward him. 

“You’re too sweet, little one. It’s going to get you in trouble one of these days.”

“Wanna be sweet for you,” you said, leaning into his touch. 

He released your jaw and tilted his head to the side, giving you the reigns. 

You licked up a long stripe up his cock, from the very base. It felt like the most you could manage, your hands encircling him to make up for what you couldn’t do with your mouth. 

His breathing was coming faster, his eyes remaining locked on your form. As your hands pumped up and down his shaft, focusing most of your attention on licking at the head of his cock, you couldn’t help but wonder how much of him coming undone so quickly was because of the actual sensation and how much was from him getting to watch you. 

He seemed entirely entranced. You felt several times as his hands moved to touch you before pulling quietly away, like he could get head from you and yet was nervous to touch, as if that would make it too vulnerable. 

The more grunts and whines you pulled from him, the more determined you became. You pulled back from your persistent licking, taking him in for a moment. 

He might be massive, but you focused on the fact that as real as this felt, it was a dream. Surely in a dream you could do whatever you wanted. You were most certainly going to try.

You managed to fit your lips around the head, your mouth stretched wide. You swirled your tongue around the tip as your hands worked his shaft, determined to draw even more noises from him. 

You looked up with wide eyes, waiting to make sure you were doing okay. You could feel them watering as you worked him over but you pushed past it as those watery eyes met his, pitch black and full of nothing but lust and adoration. 

A massive hand found its way into your hair, not pushing but caressing as you tried to take as much of him as you could. 

The hand tightened in your hair and he grunted out, “I’m going to…”

That was the only warning you got before he started to come. 

You tried to swallow it all but couldn’t manage it.  It just kept coming, it was too much. You popped off the head with a little cough, the rest getting all over your clothes and making you once again glad that this was a dream. 

This would have been a nightmare to explain to Eden. You might’ve just had to burn your clothes and hope for the best. 

Lucien lets out a gentle chuckle, thumb wiping some of his cum off of your face. “A little over-ambitious but I appreciate the enthusiasm.”

You snorted out a laugh and as he looked down at you fondly, you thought you could happily stay here forever.

And then something other than the contentedness and fondness crossed his face, wrinkling his brow.

His expression soured and before you could so much as ask a question, he simply said, “Wake up” and the world around you fell away. 

You woke up frustrated and confused, not understanding why he sent you away. You wanted more and you wanted to stay and more than anything you wanted an explanation. You summoned him almost reflexively, the process second nature to you now.  

Before any of your confusion or frustration could come out, he blurted out, “Let me take you somewhere.”

A wounded little sound escaped you as the moment soured and his obsession with whisking you away appeared once more. “Not a chance.”

“But if you could go somewhere…”

“Can we not do this? Please? I can’t.”

“Can’t?”

“Shouldn’t. Whatever word you want me to use.”

“Why, because she says you shouldn’t? I say you should.”

“I say I shouldn’t. Isn’t that enough for you?”

The fight normally petered out right about there, both of you frustrated and exhausted with the uphill battle of trying to get the other to understand. 

Not today. Something had changed between the two of you and the desire to linger in it, to bathe in the affection, dissipated as he grabbed your arm and the room around you gave way to the stone walls of an alley. 

The narrow, stone corridor was devoid of people but you could hear the buzz of a crowd not far off, probably not more than a few paces away. It was hard to tell exactly as the noise bounced off the walls, echoing in your ears. 

Despite your anger, you found yourself edging closer to Lucien. Anything familiar was welcome in this alien place you’d been thrust into. 

Your breathing got shallower and you pleaded with him. “Take me back.”

“I will if you want me to. Just not yet. Please not yet. You need to leave, you need to not be there.”

You looked up at him with teary eyes, the trust you’d been basking in being shattered in a moment. “Why are you doing this? I know it’s not for me because I don’t want it.”

“She’s made you afraid. You’ve been tricked and trapped and you need to leave. I need you to leave. You just need a push, that’s it. Just need to be away from her.”

“Listen, just because you don’t like her…”

“No, this is not spite talking, you need to listen to me, you need to figure it out.”

You reeled back. “What?” Surely if he knew something that could change this endless fight, he would have told you. What could there possibly be that you needed to figure out all on your own? 

“You just, you need to ask…” his words were cut off with a yell as he doubled over on himself, runes burning into his skin as he spoke. They shone bright red and it almost looked like he was being branded. 

The anger faded immediately into concern as you rushed to his side. 

“What’s happening, I don’t understand?”

“You can’t say anything,” he insisted, a frantic look in his eyes.

“But you said…”

“I know what I said, you can’t ask anything.”

More than anything, that scared you. The constant pleading for you to break free and push back against Eden and now he was doing everything but that, retracing his steps after unmistakable witch marks were burned into him. 

She’d done this. That much was clear. 

You couldn’t keep doing this. You needed to know, needed to understand. 

“Take me back.”

“I…”

You put everything you had into your voice as you said, “Lucien, take me back.”

The use of his name in his already weakened state with the ruins still charred into his skin was enough, he didn’t have it in him to fight back and you were whisked into the depths of the woods. You returned home. 

[spikeinthepunch]

okayyy i finished the new ending in Lisa the Joyful so yeah, heres another long Lisa post. this will more so have a short list of what i did and didnt like of the game since i know opinions are often mixed. but ill have a long focus talking about the new content compared to the rest of the game. and will later go on about characterization and writing in detail.

Also while you can find a no commentary video for the new ending, almost all uploads skip an earlier portion of it, so I uploaded it myself! with timestamps.

TW for uhh the same triggers- sexual, physical, verbal abuse mostly.

SO OKAY. Okay.

The brief on the main game....

What I did like:

I like the general story. I enjoyed the horror of watching more and more joy mutants arriving, even some of the warlords being joy mutants already, and normal characters like the uhh shelf vendor guy being a mutant. additionally things like wearing a mask mattering. i think it was important to too still have some weirdos bc thats one of the key things in displaying the cycle of these men's behavior. music always good too of course. i enjoy Buddy's internal conflict too and i dont mind here characterization-- its just the pacing. I actually liked the epilogues a bit more than what the endings actually told us lol... tbh they carry more weight in terms of giving us information about the past. But the ones that hit hardest are the ones where Lisa tells Buzzo to mutilate her so her father wont want her anyways. and the one with Brad's father forcing him to drink alcohol and go with him to lisa's room (to presumedly watch his father abuse lisa).

What i didn't like:

the "original" endings (not the new definitive one) were weak and i am sure most feel that way. I think actually the issue for me is the choice... cuz playing with joy? well i think the "stay with them" makes sense as she gets more fucked up and unstable (and assume addicted). the joyless route makes me feel like i should fittingly take the "leave them" ending bc she is mentally aware enough to know she still hates what happened to her and wants to leave them behind. the choices of them feel conflicting to the routes you might choose but you dont think about it bc there is no consequence to taking joy! the pacing of course is a big complaint. cuz see i dont think the story or writing is horrible i just think it needed to be longer in order to expand on all those things rushed through. the ideas would feel good if the pacing didnt speed through it. the Yado epilogue is fine too but i think just left more questions than answers than the endings themself so i would have rather done without it imo.

As stated i will go WAY more into the characters after I talk about this new stuff. I will talk heavily about what happens in it too so feel free to read this later if you dont watch it... but you really should look at the new Painful and Joyful content as they also kinda go together.

NEW CONTENT..... kind of new ending, it plays directly into it. Unlike Painful where it doesnt alter the actual ending content. and i will go over the normal endings a bit more in relation to this bc of how it affects pacing etc...

So On one hand I like what it added and on the other hand it wasnt great-- which all plays into the games already existing pacing issues. Which is a shame. i liked collecting the items, the meaning of the statues (n the dialog being the same as the Painful one), and the exploration leading up to the warlord fight. I chose not to fight the warlords because they were so damn strong and I like that there was recognition for not fighting back. Idk if i feel like there was a good reason for them to be there but I think it at least gives more meaning to the warlords since they didnt DO that much in the game other than to be killed. Most had barely anything to say.

For the bigger Secret at the grave for Lisa-- I liked this a lot too actually. Getting to hear from the guys their thoughts about Buddy that is from the assumed context theyre already dead here (w how Sticky's death is mentioned esp) is just kinda nice. The further content with Berny and Dusty, where Berny tells him to fight harder and to treat girls with aggression.... yeah that hits. The cycle of abuse really just continues huh. The rest of it is fine, I feel like it does give some better commentary on character's thoughts but it is quite short, and is left on a more metaphorical note with the flowering skull and whatnot.

Now is the part I see more conflict on AGAIN and I dont blame people for being conflicted about it. I didnt mind the way Buzzo talked about Brad in the original-- I dont think that writing was an actual excuse to Brad, I think it was just Buzzo trying to blame himself instead for everything (the new contents dialog with the sticky/rick/cheeks also had good to say on Brad's behavior and not excusing it but talking about the abuse of drugs in the context of that). I did feel that the conversation wasnt enough in the original though, to fully imply that he was talking like that or to give a better conversation on drug abuse. Buuut here we are w the extended new dialog with Buzzo. I did like how he started getting more depressed and angsty about Lisa! And the comment "she would have loved it here" is interesting bc i feel the implication is that she would have loved being in a world where all these men are now gone. but let me move onto the rest bc like, that matters the most here.

woof okay. So Buddy goes off when Buzzo says that which i get. However this conversation falters in the same way the whole game does. Buddy gets a LOT of talking time here. And she kind of keeps going in a way that really doesnt feel plausible you know? The new stuff added more connection between her and Lisa but its not enough to make us think she should be defending Lisa. I think there couldve been a neat exploration of all this comparing to Lisa but Joyful doesnt have that time. While I cant claim it, Buddy's rant kiiinda feels like a rant from behind the scenes with how less in character it feels. Buzzo is made far more pathetic and I don't disagree with this realization that he'd dissolve into a little pathetic man, again the game just doesnt have the time to make it work better.

and dont even get me started on Buddy's inconsistent opinion on Brad... this is like, annoying and I mentioned it in relation to the ending choices. After this new dialog rant Buddy sounds like she is forgiving Brad/coming to realize things about him that gives her more understanding. And i think that is fine BUT the issue is that right after talking to Buzzo the game returns as normal and when she sees mutant Brad approach, she reacts with genuine upset at seeing him and comments how she never wanted to see him again :/

I know at this point there is no way they could have "salvaged" Joyful for this release-- that would be too much and I dont think itd be right to get rid of the old endings entirely (Painful didnt, nor did the new content change anything about it). Its a shame- some of it was good. some of it i think they just shouldnt have done (the end buzzo fight) because it just conflicted more/kind of highlights the pacing problems. if anything i think leaving out that buzzo rant would have made the rest of that feel like it did help the pacing because it gave a pause between the ending of the game. anyways.

CHARACTERIZATIONNNN

righto. i think i covered pacing enough so i will try and leave that out of every comment i make here lol.

So like, I dont have a problem with Buddy's intentions in the game exactly. Her actions in many ways make sense... at least I would say that its fine she is very violent. That is literally the main thing Brad taught her whether or not you look at the start scene of Joyful, it reflects in how she would always be told how dangerous the world is too. The pace of course, makes this all happen so fast.

And of course the biggest hit that I think turns off many is how much talking there is. I certainly love hearing more from characters, Brad was quiet because he was brad, yet no one else needs to be quiet too so i think thats fine. But with Buddy's life it seems like she should have been quiet until her mental state and mindset shifted due to her treatment and justification of violence. even in Painful she seems relatively quiet and Joyful takes place right after pretty much.

In terms of others-- Rando is fine, like hes not that bad. We didn't know him all to well and what we know of Dusty i expected him to be a nice kid, esp w the whole adopted thing. But his back and forth with Buddy was more annoying w how short the game was (doing things, wanting to run to the other place and being stopped for a scene at the campfire by force. repeat.) I did like the whole deal with his friends and later his death too. Buzzo so i dont completely hate buzzo minus the fast jump in the new content. but he was pretty unhinged in Painful and to see it completely drop seemed wrong. i do think it make sense he probably felt loads of guilt for brad... but we just again, didnt get enough time with these characters.

Other characters? Well i mentioned it above but the warlords did NOT get much of any character. Which sucks bc if those parts alone had been extended (their area being longer or more full of interactions) i think it would have helped the game too. In terms of the other antagonist, Bolo, considering he was new for this game I think he was just fine. His role was small in a good way and honestly when he did appear it was for good moments that worked. The whole scene with him, Rando, and Buddy where Buddy tries to save Rando was probably my favorite part lol? Simply bc i think it worked well for all of their characters. For all of them I think it was my favorite moment of characterization-- Buddy's choices to drop or hold him both work for her i think. And yikes, disgusting moment with Bolo. And I will be real, I think Joyful needed that. The game was short so i wouldnt have wanted more but, Painful had it uncomfortable and gross moments and I think that is important to an extent of really pushing the importance of narrative and experiences of Buddy (and reflecting Lisa).

uhhhhh yeah i think thats most of what I can say. iirc i wasnt around for the old kickstarter but Joyful was a stretch goal right? and i heard Austin isnt exactly happy with it either? its really really a shame that it was a stretch goal that felt forced. I get why it was a tempting goal for people but.... it just sucks bc its clear that is why this game turned out the way it did. i wonder often if him not doing much else with the series is simply bc joyful had to be the "conclusion" and its not one hes exactly happy with either. tbh the series could have just been Painful and it would be fine. but if Joyful wasnt a DLC i imagine it would have been likely we'd see a full fledged sequel instead and it sucks it had to go that way. i definitely dont hate the creator for it but itsucks for everyone that even the additions in Definitive cant fix what happened already with that game.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw- family problems, parental issues,fighting, relationship problems (i think)

seeking- advice, vent

(sorry for any typos) also, can this be tagged as flower anon tyy:)

my whole life my dad has treated my mom terribly i didn’t realize it wasnt normal when i was little, as i’ve gotten older i’ve been realizing how terrible he treats everyone around him especially my mom. my eyes have recently been opening to his true character and i wont go into detail but i feel so guilty that im resenting him cause he can be so nice sometimes but even that is following by something negative. but i dont wanna make this about that cause its about how he treats my mom.

when i was younger they would fight all the time and even still hes always the one to start it. all he does is complain about everything yet does nothing about whatever it is he’s complaining about. he has my mom do his laundry, make his dinner, fold his clothes, make his bed, all of it. by the way my mom has her own job which shes in a lot of pain at the end of the day cause of it and she has to come home to his bs. if she doesnt have his dinner done he freaks out and guilt trips by saying how hes gonna go to bed without eating, when they eat out almost every night so he can easily order food himself or go pick it up. even if he wants her to make home-cooked food for dinner if shes at work, literally doing her job he’ll complain about it and make her feel bad.

he makes her pay rent even tho her hours have got cut so she doesnt make as much any more and he can absolutely afford the whole rent himself. he has literally gone to her job and yelled at her before and now she doesnt want to get another job cause she knows hes gonna go to the boss there and tell him what time she can and cant work.

he polices everything she does if she gets a package he pesters her about whats in it, she leaves the house he pesters her about that. just today she was literally at his parents house (something he never does) and got mad at her for being gone??? its unbelievable. this is all only the icing on the cake. i remember one time me and my mom were going to get something to eat and he yelled at her before we left and when we were in the car she said to me “when you marry, marry someone who will let you be yourself” and it just broke my heart:( she deserves so much better and i just dont know how to help. i want to get a job to help her with money but i have severe social anxiety and also no school or work credits to do so but hopefully once i get my GED ill be able to do something with that. but im no sure what to do. i want to help her so bad but i have no idea how. theres so much more to all of this but im not sure how to tw it 100% correctly so i dont want to say too much, but if there’s any advice you have for this situation it would be really appreciated 🥲 thank you so much for your time!

Hi anon,

It's understandable why you feel guilty for resenting your dad even though sometimes he can be sweet or well-mannered. But it's important to honor why you feel resentment and not necessarily let your dad's good behavior make you feel like you can't be upset about how he has behaved in the past. Sometimes people intentionally behave well to minimize the impact of their bad behavior and make others feel like they have no right to complain. But it's also possible that good behavior is a sign of learning from past mistakes, but even still, it's natural and okay to feel complex emotions about that shift.

It sounds like your dad puts full responsibility on your mom, both productive and reproductive labor, to the point that he acts as if he is completely dependent on your mom fulfilling unreasonable expectations. It makes sense why your mom seems to be constantly driven to a breaking point - because she is carrying the entire weight of the relationship, and more.

It sounds like the best thing for your mom is to get away from your dad, but of course it's not simple or easy. I don't know where she is located but she could potentially consider looking into nearby domestic violence shelters as they can offer a safe place to stay while she comes up with a plan to live independently.

If anyone has any other comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[whump-whump-baby]

So your Fictional Universe has Horses in it

Alternatively: People Ride Horses in Your Fic, and you’re Not Sure What to Do About It

horse rider/owner and baby writer here, throwing you an infodump that will maybe help with the whole ‘There’s a Horse in the Background here but I Don’t Know What to Do With it’ thing I sometimes see in writing!

Inside this infodump: Horse riding, horse care, horse tack (equipment), falling off a horse (and what usually gets injured), horse lingo, and behaviour.

1. Tame that beast (aka, riding the horse)

a couple things here: Getting on the horse, getting off, steering, etc

Honestly, I’m only including this part because I find that a lot of people skip past the whole ‘getting on the horse’ bit and I find it hilarious. It’s not a weird thing but it can be weird to describe. I get it!

Getting On

Experienced riders will always mount from the left side of the horse. It's a weird tradition that doesn’t really make sense anymore, but it’s still followed because most don’t really see a reason to change it. It supposedly dates back to medieval times and has something to do with where a sword would traditionally be hung on a person’s hip- mounting (Putting your foot in the stirrup, grabbing up high on the saddle, pulling yourself up and over while using your foot in the stirrup to help yourself) from the left means you wouldn’t accidentally poke your horse with your sheath. Not sure if this story has any validity to it, but we all still follow the left rule unless we’re specifically getting a horse used to mounting from the other side for whatever reason.

Getting off

I have a bone to pick with this. Nobody gets off their horse by swinging a leg in front of themselves, over the horse’s neck in front of them, and hopping down facing away from their horse. It’s not the safest bet to attempt because 1. It actually requires a lot of hip strength to swing your leg like that without kicking your poor horse in the neck, and 2. It doesn’t give you a legitimate way to hold onto your horse after dismounting, which is inherently unsafe. Even if you are in possession of The World’s Best Behaved Horse Ever, you always want to be holding onto the reins. Riders usually dismount by leaning forward, swinging a leg behind them and over the horse’s butt, pivoting sideways on their stomach, and sliding down off the horse- keeping a hand on the rein and one on the saddle to slow their descent. That way you always have a hand on your wild beast, who may decide at any given time that the nearby grass is more important than standing still for your dismount. Plus, swinging a leg like that is basically impossible in saddles that feature a saddle horn, like a western saddle.

It’s a little hard to see in this photo, but Geralt’s saddle definitely has some kind of high pommel to it- so he’d most likely dismount the normal way. It’s just easier!

If you tried to dismount like that in this western saddle you would definitely bruise something.

In this saddle (a Dressage saddle) you could probably pull it off.. but why?? All that struggle just to slide down on your butt and land funny, sprawled away from your horse. It’s just not worth it.

Steering and Etc.

Believe it or not, most steering movement actually comes from the rider’s weight in the saddle than their grip on the reins. If we’re looking at this from the realm of something like The Witcher (which is probably going to be my go-to media example because it’s still pretty recent) a relaxed turn is going to look like Geralt isn’t doing too much with his upper body, because he’d be weighting his seat bones in the saddle. Despite his saddle looking a little bulky, Roach could definitely feel it and respond accordingly- horses are pretty sensitive little friends and can feel most of what you’re doing up there, including looking down. (Protip, if you’re learning to ride horses, don’t look down- it’ll unbalance your upper body and make you pitch forward, unbalancing your horse and making yourself more likely to fall off)

A good way to have a character look experienced with riding is to describe someone relaxed but upright, shoulders back, hands closed but relaxed on the reins. They don’t have to be bolt upright, but at ease. A good way to describe a character with little to no riding experience would be to describe them as tense, probably hunching forward a little; hands too high or low and reins too long. See the lovely photos below:

A Dressage rider: she’s looking pretty evenly balanced, is sitting tall but not bolt upright, hands are low, elbows relaxed. Wonderful!

A Beginner: Absolutely no hate to beginners! We all have to start somewhere, But there’s definitely a difference in body language between this rider and our dressage rider. (Side note: PLEASE always wear a helmet on a horse, especially if you’re a beginner, good grief)

2. Horse Care

I don’t think too much needs to be said here, but there’s a couple things that are worth noting.

Grooming

Most horses love a good brushing. They’ll even lean into it if you find an itchy spot!

 If your character has a ton of experience, grooming their horse makes a lovely backdrop for conversations. Riders usually brush their horses before and after riding, to remove dirt and mud and sweat. Manes and tails are brushed if you want to be detail oriented, and feet should always be picked out (A good chance for Character B to oogle Character A’s butt, if thats the kind of story you’re writing) to remove dirt and stones. 

When Not Riding

Your furry partner-in-crime should be untacked and eating grass somewhere. Untacked means all gear removed and put away for the day- in stories like The Witcher, tied to a tree branch or a rest area in a halter is fine. As a horse person it wouldn’t make sense to leave their tack on all night- you’d leave it nearby, but not on them. If your characters are just pausing for a break or something, it’s totally ok- but done for the day? Nah. Let your pony be naked.

Injuries

Horses, like most prey animals, will hide injuries and illness until they physically can’t anymore. Small cuts and scrapes, dependent on where they are, will probably not give a physical response unless you manipulate them somehow (cleaning, applying antibiotics, etc). A horse may show discomfort by a number of signs, but if it really hurts your horse will probably shy away from your touch or may lash out at your hands to keep you from touching it. Signs of discomfort can be pinning their ears back against their head (aka Ow Ow OW, DON’T TOUCH IT, I’m UPSET) to straight up trying to run from you if they think you’re going to attempt to touch it (a more severe reaction for a more severe wound, like a deep cut/laceration/puncture etc). If a horse is in very dire straits you might get no reaction at all- your horse might be hanging its head low, not really responding to your voice or touch, appearing bleary eyed or dull eyed or sleepy. Generally that kind of severe behavior change is considered Very Very Bad and definitely grounds to call a vet for, especially if there’s no sign of physical injury.

3. Horse Tack (Equipment!)

Here’s a quick rundown of horse tack.

All these pieces make up the bridle, reins included.

*Side note- Bits are not cruel, and riders choosing to use them with their horses are not abusive. Bits are a tool riders use to communicate with their horses and there are hundreds of metal finishes, textures, shapes and sizes to fit a horse with a bit that makes them happy and keeps them comfortable. There are some horses who refuse to take bits, and their owners usually turn to a bitless bridle to keep them comfortable- however this is not “kinder” just because of the lack of bit. These bridles are just designed to exert gentle pressure to tell the horse to slow or stop instead of the gentle pressure on the bit. Different horses prefer different things, and none of these things are harmful to the horse if used properly and with care.

This is a diagram of a close contact or Hunter saddle, but the terminology generally applies to all different kinds of saddles. Girths are considered their own piece of tack and not as a part of the saddle. 

Riders who are riding consistently usually at least wipe their tack down with a wet cloth after finishing with it for the day. Because tack is almost always leather, well cared for leather lasts a lot longer if cared for. This is also a great thing to have a character talk over in a fic- have them clean tack while having a hard conversation, or maybe show how quick and not-great of a job they do on their tack if they’re angry or trying to get away from another character closeby. Lots of opportunities! (If you really want to get detailed, cleaning usually looks like: a damp cloth to wipe dirt off and then rubbing a leather conditioner into the tack, which may smell lovely or a little weird depending on the brand)

4. Falling off

I see you, whump writers. (and I love you.)

So You Want your Character to Fall Off:

Falling off is rarely graceful. It can be caused by anything from an unexpected trip to your horse spooking at something, to a jump taken at the wrong spot/speed/angle... opportunities are endless. I have fallen off my horse at the walk because he startled at a dog and I slipped to the side, and I have fallen off over jumps, because my horse actively tried to get me off, or because I just wasn’t paying attention and Oops, how’d I get in the dirt? Generally if you’re looking for a reason for your character to fall off, they are endless. If the one at fault is the horse common reasons are the rider becoming unseated and slipping back/forward/sideways by the horse startling (at legitimately anything sometimes, depending on the horse.. let your imagination go wild!) changing speed or direction suddenly. All of these things will affect how your character comes off and how they’ll hit dirt with what body part. IE- pitching forward will probably land you on the top of your shoulders, if you’re lucky- if not, you’ll land on your head. Most people will land on the tops of their shoulders as the instinct to protect their head kicks in, but sometimes gravity is a bitch. It happens.

This is where experience comes in, too- Experienced riders will usually react quicker and will try to save themselves, either grabbing onto their horse’s mane or neck or even just keeping a death grip on the reins as adrenaline kicks in- all of which keeps your upper body higher than your lower and can lead to landing on your bum/side/feet instead of your head. Beginner or inexperienced riders might not react that quickly and end up landing roughly. This is not to say that more experienced riders will always come out less injured than beginners, but that experienced riders sense of self preservation will kick in faster frankly just because they’ve fallen off more. This is also why you see more beginners breaking arms in riding accidents- as you learn to ride you are taught (if you were taught like I was) to NEVER throw your arms out to catch yourself during a fall- it’s more likely that you will land on top of your straight arm and give yourself a wicked compound break. Your instinct changes from trying to save yourself to trying everything you can to staying in your saddle. Self preservation is a wonderful thing!

If Your Character is Sick/Already Injured:

The motion of the horse, even in walk, is going to make them feel worse- especially any injury to the lower stomach area. That’s where the body absorbs most of the motion from the horse’s gaits, especially in the hips/lower abdomen. So if Character A has a stab wound in his stomach and Character B has gotten them into the saddle to bring them to help.... Character A is gonna be in some pretty decent pain until they can dismount. For head injuries the same motion might make them dizzy or nauseous. But, good news! If your character slumps forward completely while keeping their arms on either side of the horse’s neck, they will probably manage to stay in the saddle for a decent amount of time. Their lower body and leg (hopefully still in the stirrups) will keep them in the saddle unless jostled out of it. (This, of course, only making sense if the saddle in question doesn’t have a horn, because otherwise your character won’t be able to slump forward far at all. )If they manage to slip off the horse in this position, they’re going to land head/chest/upper body first, especially if only semi-conscious due to previous injuries. 

If dealing with any other injuries, getting on the horse might be nicer than walking but will definitely not keep anything still- any motion the horse makes will make the rider’s body move and jostle the injury, no matter where the injury is.

5. Wrapping it up: Horse Lingo and Behaviour

Horse terms are easy to find and but a google search away, but here’s some of the main terms:

Gaits: A horse’s movement. Walk, trot, canter and gallop with gallop being the fastest.

Aids: what riders use to communicate with the horse. This includes your hand (on the reins) your leg (squeezing to ask for gaits) and your voice.

(Riders talk to their horses! all the time. Even if just to say good boy/girl. Commonly we say things like hoooh, whoa, easy, no, etc. Sometimes just talking to your nervous horse helps calm them down)

Green horse: Inexperienced horse, usually new to being ridden, usually young.

Mare: Female Horse.

Stallion: Male horse, not neutered. Stallions can have a reputation for being hotheaded and sometimes hard to handle, but not all are like that.

Gelding: Male horse, neutered. Most people who have male horses will refer to them as geldings on paperwork.

Pony: a small horse. Not a baby horse. Just smaller.

Colt: Baby male.

Filly: Baby female.

You can probably use google for anything else without concern that you’re using a term that's unnatural.

Behaviour

My rule of thumb for writing behaviour is this: If it seems like a disney dog in a movie would do it........ it’s safe to say a horse wouldn’t. Writing a horse like a disney dog is too unnatural and will definitely make any horse people reading your story give an eye roll.

An example:

Your character has just dismounted their horse after a long ride.

A horse would: maybe sniff your pockets for treats (especially if you had some before you got on) stand next to you as you talked to someone, try to rub their head on you (scratches!! especially if they’re sweaty) maybe perk up at something in the distance if distracted enough

A horse would not: Shake their head at you, whinny at you, prance around and “smile” at you... roll their eyes at something you said... point like Lassie at something in the distance... etc. 

Horses definitely have personalities! They can be affectionate and snuggly, nervous or brave, flighty or stoic... but they don’t emote the same way a cartoon character would. The best example i’ve seen of horse interaction in media would probably be the horses in Disney’s Brave. If you pay attention to the way horses interact with each other and react to events in the movie, it’s pretty spot on!

Follow your gut. You can still have a horse with a personality, but if it feels too cartoony, it probably is!

This is a great infographic that explains body language as well.

I hope this helps anyone who wants to include more horse interaction in their writing!

[makeste]

A theory I have seen is that Fuyumi wants the family back so desperately, because she and Toya experienced the better Endeavor, where everything was alright. My guess is that after his decent into abuse its stopped being like a normal family and Natsuo and Shoto never experienced a normal family. But that is just a therory

okay so speaking as someone who grew up with an abusive and neglectful parent (though in my case it was my mom rather than my dad)... it’s complicated. there are a lot of emotions there. I think one of the things Horikoshi has really excelled at with the whole Todoroki plot is the way that he’s used the four siblings to show the different ways that children respond to parental abuse. and I can say from personal experience that all of them are valid. not just the bitterness, anger, and resentment that Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto have all shown at times, but also that intense (but tentative, almost wishful-thinking) longing to just have a normal family that we see from Fuyumi. speaking again from experience, that last one isn’t an outlier at all. in fact, in my case, I’d say that was honestly the strongest feeling out of all of them, and it even fueled a lot of the other three emotions. btw just a heads up I’m gonna delve into some personal stuff here briefly, so yeah. I won’t put details, but if anyone wants an abuse trigger warning added to the post or anything like that, just let me know.

so the thing is, even during my angriest times, if some magic wish-granting genie had poofed in and told the child me, “’sup, I’m here to solve all of your family problems, just tell me what you want me to do,” I wouldn’t have wanted them to take my mom away and lock her up somewhere and make her suffer or anything like that. honestly, even during the worst of it, the thing I wanted more than anything else was just to have a normal family. my mom had a lot of untreated mental health issues, and it was basically a situation where you never knew which version of her you were going to get on any given day. so there were times when she was a kind and loving mother who took care of me and my siblings. and there were a great many more times when she was temperamental and erratic, and we all (my dad included) basically just walked on eggshells around her and did our best to lay low and try not to bother her because even little things might set her off, and we never knew how she was going to react. and my dad worked a lot, and my sibs and I were homeschooled for reasons which I’m not gonna get into because this post is already veering off on too many tangents, but anyway so the short of it is that my sibs and I grew up in this unstable environment and ended up more or less raising ourselves. and I resented my mom a lot for that, growing up, and I still do honestly.

now a lot’s happened since then, and she’s gotten some help, and my siblings and I are all adults now and we’re more or less good, even though we all took a certain amount of Psychic Damage along the way and we’re each still dealing with that. and we each have different relationships with our mom now, and a couple of my sibs are even fairly close to her. but for my part, I pretty much have no relationship with her at all outside of seeing her a few times a year at family get-togethers and the like. the thing is, even though my mom did eventually (after a LOT of false starts and struggles and heartache) get some help, she’s never really shown remorse for what my siblings and I went through because of her. she’s never taken responsibility for any of it. she blames a lot of other people, and will go on long rants about all of the terrible things that have happened to her and all of the horrible ways people have treated her (some of which is true, and some of which very much is not). but there’s never even the slightest acknowledgement of any of the things she herself has done to hurt others. she either passes the blame or just pretends it never happened. 

and honestly, it sucks. even now, there’s little to no real desire to change on her part. she’s gotten therapy and meds now, and so emotionally she’s much more stable than when we were kids, but one of the unfortunate results is that it’s all the more clear now that a lot of her behavior never had anything to do with her mental illness at all. she just didn’t care at all about how she was hurting others; or at the very least, didn’t care to face it. and that’s just how it is.

anyway, so I’m sorry to keep breaking away and telling you guys my own life story lol. but the point I’m trying to get at here is that I actually relate to Fuyumi so much, though. what I wanted more than anything was for my mom to care, and to say she was sorry, and for me to be able to believe that and to trust her, and for her to actually change. that was it.

and so for me, here’s the biggest difference between the Endeavor situation, and my own and so many others. the difference is that unlike people in real life, we know Endeavor is actually remorseful for what he’s done. we know it for certain because we’ve seen it for ourselves, from his own point of view. the manga actually lets us get inside his head and shows us that he really is sincere, that he really is sorry, and that he really is trying to change. and that’s something that’s impossible to get in real life. that certainty that the person really means it, that they’re genuinely remorseful and committed to making amends.

and for me, that’s fucking wish fulfillment right there. for the abusive parent to finally realize the error of their ways and be sorry and try to do right by their kids. I fucking wanted that. hell, I still want it, even though I’ve made my peace with things the way that they are. that chance to somehow heal the broken relationship, and have your parent genuinely try their best to be a real parent to you, even if it’s years after the fact? shit. I’d take that in a heartbeat.

and so when it comes to Fuyumi and her attempts to get her family to reconcile and experience a few normal things, I f feel that. I really do. because when you’re growing up in that type of situation, normal is all that you want. and I don’t think it’s anything that requires an explanation on her part, because it’s not actually an unusual reaction at all. it’s natural. it’s the most natural thing in the world. honestly it’s annoying that fandom sometimes tries to shame her for having those feelings. like honestly, fuck that. because the thing is, I’d wager that almost every kid who grew up with an abusive parent has at some time or other felt the exact same way.

and that includes Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto as well. literally the only difference between them and Fuyumi is that they feel that Endeavor’s change of heart is simply coming too late. it’s not that they don’t want their family back, just like she does; it’s that from their point of view, it’s something they can’t get back. for Fuyumi, that dream of having a normal family is something she’s still seeking. for Natsuo and Touya, that dream of having a normal family is something that was destroyed. something that Endeavor killed. something they’re in mourning of. and so Touya wants revenge for it, and Natsuo is trying to pick himself up and move past it. and meanwhile Shouto is caught somewhere in the middle of all of those reactions, because he’s still trying to decide whether or not he can ever bring himself to trust his father again. he’s somewhere in between his brothers’ mourning and his sister’s hopefulness. sort of a Schrodinger type of deal lol.

but anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that all four siblings are really experiencing the same thing, just in different ways. Fuyu may be the one arranging family dinners and the like, but that same longing to be part of a normal family is at the core of Natsuo, Shouto, and even Touya’s behavior as well. Natsuo’s hurt and resentment, and Touya’s spite and bitterness, come from being denied the thing they want. and Fuyu’s shaky attempts at reconciliation come from her desire to still obtain it somehow. but at the end of the day they’re the exact same feelings. and they all come from the same place.

anyways, hopefully that makes some kind of sense. basically, everyone is valid. Fuyu is valid, Natsu and Shouto are valid, and Touya is murdery which isn’t cool, but his feelings are still valid too nonetheless. hugs and therapy for the Todoroki children in 2021, Horikoshi. please and thank you.

[syubub]

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

[mrwinterr]

All For You

Pairing: David Budd x Female Reader

Summary: After the incident on the train that night, David returns to the apartment replaying different scenarios in his head had things gone wrong; specifically, one with you involved.

Warnings: Smut 18+ (consensual and unprotected sex, snuggle-fuck, vaginal penetration and fingering, breath play, some roughness and dirty talk). Infidelity. Language. Sad vibes.

Disclaimer: Bodyguard (2018) TV series spoilers. This may effectively spoil episode one if you haven’t watched the show. This is set towards the beginning of the episode, but before the rest of the series plays out.  

Title Inspiration: “All For You” by Night Riots

A/N: 1) The song mentioned above is beautiful. Please give it a listen. It sets the mood for this piece. 2) Here’s to our fragile babe.

It was late when David made it back to the apartment. The room was dark, all the lights were shut off, but there’s a considerable amount that shone out from the window of the city, illuminating his path around, and there was a faint smell of food that filled his nostrils from the half empty box of cold pizza laid out on the coffee table in front of the television.

The small details sent a warm feeling throughout his body. Countless memories scrolled in his head as he looked over at the empty couch, thinking back to all the times he’d watch you eat food there while your favorite show that season was on, him joining you to cheer on your hometown sports team, the both of you falling asleep during a movie. He swore y’all dined more at that coffee table than the table in the kitchen.

He lifted the lid of the box and thought if he was really hungry or not. It had his favorite toppings on it, but no matter how appealing the dish was, tonight’s events were too fresh and powerful to brush aside.

He had successfully foiled a terrorist attack on the train taking him and his kids back home. David had been through a lot during his term in Afghanistan, but he’d never been more scared in his life than when he thought about all the things he’d be robbed of had Nadia pushed the button on the trigger of the bomb strapped around her.

Ella and Charlie always came first in his life. His children meant the entire world to him. As much as David loved the time he had with them even if it was the dreading moments of having to send them back to their mother, he cherished every single second. The weekend the three of them spent at his mother’s was what he needed to help him clear his head. It’s insane to think just how quickly life can turn around.

After properly storing the food into the refrigerator, he shrugs his jacket off and sets his footwear against the wall and out of the way before heading towards his room except he never goes inside. He looks over to the room across and he can see you tucked and in bed from the slit of your opened door.

So many thoughts run through David’s mind, he feels like he could explode at any minute. The world was a mess enough as it is. The war didn’t do or leave him any favors. His unpredictable moods left him and his wife Vicky estranged. He couldn’t be there all the time for Ella and Charlie as they had to bounce back and forth between each parent. The only light in all of this was knocked out in the next room.

Aside from his comrades, not a lot of people stuck around long enough to tolerate the new version of himself that returned from the war. The relationship between David and you was something that never reached its potential. It was one of those never in the right moment sort of things. You met during your days at University. You had loved another before him and when studying abroad proved a long-distance relationship wasn’t possible, by the time you came back to graduate David was in love with someone else.

Soon enough, he was married with two children. You held no distaste for Vicky at all. You felt for her when she divulged to you about David’s episodes. The pair of you still communicated and you often found yourself watching over Ella and Charlie while she or David were busy with work.

When David’s PTSD started to get really serious and he profusely refused to get help, Vicky no longer felt safe with him in the house, she had no choice but to kick him out. You knew she was only doing it for the sake of Ella and Charlie, but secretly you already knew she was moving on.

You welcomed David into your apartment and let him stay for as long as he needed granted you had a spare room he could occupy. There was no sense in denying you always loved him and would support whatever his heart desired whether that meant helping him repair his relationship with Vicky or not.

It doesn’t go without saying that there have been casual slip-ups. You had both kissed before, felt one another, and even satisfied the other, but all that still didn’t define the relationship. He was still legally married to Vicky. The topic of their relationship was almost forbidden. You knew David held a high amount of respect for you and you couldn’t blame him for not knowing where his heart stood.

It hurt to see how much torment he got left with from trying to defend his country and you’d experienced first-hand those very episodes Vicky talked about and more. Time after time, there’d be arguments enough to deduce you to tears from his booming voice and ill words when the proposition of him seeking professional help arose. Then other times he’d break down right in front of you.

Grateful he hadn’t exhibited any violent behavior yet, as much care as you could offer to him, you knew that you still had to watch out for yourself too. Again, you’d always love David, whatever version of him. The same one you fell in love with was still in there. Your heart had ached for David’s well-being. If you could heal him with just your touch, you’d do it. Everything you did was all for David.

The room that offered him a preview of you compelled him enough to slip through the crack. It wasn’t uncommon for either of you to slide into the other's bed at this point. He removes his shirt and jeans, setting them on a nearby chair, and gently sits down at the end of your bed.

Given the events of the past 24 hours, the last thing he wanted was to be alone. If things had gone wrong, you would be alone.

The only sounds that could be heard were of the bustling city outside and if he paid close enough attention, which he did, your soft sighs of slumber were also audible. He leaned his elbows on top of his knees and stared straight into his reflection in the mirror of your vanity that was set in front of him.

David couldn’t help but think of all the possible outcomes that might’ve happened had he not been able to stop the attack.

First, he thought about Ella and Charlie and their safety foremost. At only ten and eight years old, they had so much to live for. If they were taken with him and the other passengers, he hated to imagine how Vicky would feel.

Vicky was another thought and how broken beyond repair they were at. He had felt so stupid thinking he could try and make a move on her hours ago. She was already adjusting to her new life without him. He also felt guilty and ashamed because he felt as if by that advance he was betraying you.  

You were a thought in of itself. The second his life was in danger and he came face-to-face with the suicide bomber, he knew he was going to leave this world without ever setting things straight between you two. All the things he shared with Vicky, their wedding, their honeymoon, the birth of their children - all of those life moments he once dreamed of sharing with you, without him, you’d end up sharing with someone else.

There’s nothing stopping you from doing that right now with him alive actually. He could lose you regardless of the outcome on the train, but when life flashes in front of your eyes and the main source of your survival and happiness are at the forefront of your attention, you want nothing more than to seize opportunities at the second chance you’re given. It was a wakeup call.  

David diverts his eyes from himself and over to your sleeping figure. He studied the peaceful aura you radiated, with the rise and fall of your body and soft breathing, you were quiet in a world so full of noise. While he held so much admiration for you, he also envied you. You had your life under control, at least enough to let you rest at night. However, David couldn’t hold that against you because you tried tirelessly to help him.

By some miracle, he was able to coax Nadia into trusting him and surrender. He lived to see another day and perhaps this was the world telling him this was his chance with you. Aside from his doomed relationship with Vicky, there was really nothing in the way of you two being together this time. He survived a war and tonight...and you were right there. Could he really live a life without him proclaiming his love for you? And that was it for David. He’d had enough.

He moves over to the space behind you, your back facing him. He carefully draws the blanket draped over your body up so he could get under them with you. The covers settle in their new spot on the lower halves of your bodies, just barely above the hips, and David starts to run his hand on the smooth skin of your exposed arm.

The contact stirs you awake, but your eyelids weigh too heavy to open them in your tired state. You’d fought for as long as your body could allow you to, waiting for David, before succumbing to sleep. You revel in his tender touch, the warmth of his body transferring onto yours, and not realizing your body starts to rub up against his until you feel the puffs of his hot breath behind your ear along with a string of small incoherent noises.

By now, the front of his body is flushed and parallel behind yours, his legs tangled with your legs. The hand that was previously caressing your arm had snaked its way around your midsection resting on your abdomen, cheekingly on the patch of skin that wasn’t covered by the ridden-up camisole. You reach down and grab that hand to bring it up and place it at your breastbone, allowing him to feel the beat of your heart, with your fingers interlocked. Never had either one of you felt perfectly fit with another than with each other.

Featherweight kisses are stamped all around the back and crook of your neck, causing a shiver to run down your spine, creating a domino effect that rippled through your body as your legs, still weaved in his, start to tousle with one another. The top of his thighs occasionally brushing the underside of your panties increasing the friction and your grip on his hand grows tighter. When his tongue licks along the shell of your ear, you let out a breathy response from being caught off guard by his actions.

You’re not in control of your body anymore as your hips buck backwards and grind rough up against his groin on their own. You loved to hear him, whether it be his ragged breathing or the sultry moans or the filthy words that spewed out of his luscious lips - whatever because it was you that caused it.

The hand that was held hostage by yours against your sternum, trapped between each breast, broke free. Now in control, it snuck underneath the thin clothing material, and back to its previous position in front of your breasts before grabbing a handful of flesh. Your shirt twisted and stretched from the movements, and all your hand could do was go along for the ride as he kneaded your breasts.

When he had his fill, his hand wandered all over your body, abandoning yours, as it ran along your ribs, your curves, your hips and then slithered into the front of your panties. The palm of his hand ignites a tingle in your lower region until his fingers glide along the slit of your pussy, and in an up-and-down motion gathering some of your arousal. Once his digits are wet enough, he settles them on your clit and begins rubbing small, delicate circles. Your breathing increases and your free hand reaches out to grab a hold of the bed sheets due to the pressure he applied every now and then.

He switches up the routine by taking turns rubbing your clit and teasing the entrance of your opening, to gradually and expertly slipping in and giving a curl or two inside of you.

“You feel that?” He asks, his finger hooking inside, “I can feel you,” he says before extending the digit to dive in deeper.  David comments huskily in your ear, “so wet,” then teasingly nibbling on it, “so warm...and ready for me.”

Your arousal overflowing, slicking your thighs and staining the bed. His fingers were beginning to move faster, running off course, and just begging for the dam to break. The lewd wet noises mixed in with the moans, you choke out a gasp, no longer able to keep hold of the reservoir as you come from his handy work. His wet hand grips your waist in an attempt to hold you still all while you’re drowning in the pleasure.

You mumble swears into the side of the pillow while also trying to wipe the sweat that had built up around your forehead on the fabric. You’re not sure what brought that on, but who were you to complain? His release is your pleasure. Whatever he needed to work out, you were more than willing to be at his disposal.

Shuffling noises could be heard behind you, but you’re still recovering from the first orgasm. It’s not until the crotch of your panties are being pushed to the side and you feel the tip of his bare cock, the velvety skin rubbing harshly between your folds, when he pushes in your eyes snap open. There’s a slight sting at the intrusion with every inch of his thick cock sinking in deeper and deeper, stretching you out. He’s got almost a death grip on your hips as he basks in the warmth of your walls. His hand loosens its hold only to hoist your leg up, as it now rests on the bed, giving him more room to properly fuck you. All you can hear is his jagged and warm breaths pounding at your eardrum.

The force of his thrusts pushes you little by little away from him, he has to wrap his arms around you to keep you in place. Now unable to escape his embrace, you hold onto his forearms tightly as hip hips continue to collide into yours.

“Oh-oh my...God,” you can barely muster up a full sentence, “Fuck! Dav-...you’re-...it feels so good, David,” and it sounds as if the words are being knocked out of your mouth with each thrust. He liked hearing his name spill from your lips and as if you read his mind you give him that until your throat is dry and the intensity of his actions render you unable to do so.

Your hands itching to grab a hold of any part of him, you release your death grip on the bed sheets and reach behind you, over your head, and fist a handful of his short dark hair. It’s hot and sweaty, but you don’t care because the noise you pull out from deep in his throat ignites a new spark in the pit of your stomach and your walls to involuntarily squeeze his length.

He reluctantly pulls out of you and presses your body down to lie flat on your back. The fervor coursing through his veins causes him to pull your underwear all the way down your legs, a light snap could be heard from the rough tug indicating the damage done. After he peels off the sweat stained top off of your body and rids himself completely of his boxers, David settles in between your legs, braces one hand on the side of your head to support himself as the other cradles it.

David brushes the matted hair away from your face. It’s still considerably dark and only the moonlight that peaks through the slit of the drawn curtains help his eyes settle on you and take in the vulnerable look on your face; both bare open for the other. You can feel the ridge of the head of his cock glide against your clit and you wonder why he’s taking so long to finish what he started.

“David, please,” you plead softly. Your hand had come up to trace the outline of his jaw, the first signs of an early stubble pricking the skin on the palm of your hand.

He nods in response and slowly slides his body down a few inches to glide right back in. Your back arches and presses up against his, your hardened nipples poke into the soft faint tresses of hair on his chest. David’s hips ground into yours in wavelike motions, hitting deeper and deeper. He dips his head down closer to you, your mouth hung open in ecstasy, allowing him to tug your bottom lip with his teeth then sucking on the full muscle. David runs his tongue along it to soothe the swollenness before dipping in the cavern of your mouth.

Your tongues instantly collide with one another’s. Your eyes shut tightly, wetness pooling at the corners from the ardent passion radiating from both you and David’s actions. He felt so damn good. You wished you could have this, be like this with him, for the rest of your days, but the reality of it all wasn’t going to just hand it to you so easily. His children, Vicky, his profession, his PTSD - despite all those, you’d go through it all. All for David.

You pull your mouth off his for some air. You open your eyes to see him staring right into you. The bright blue eyes turned a deeper shade, almost black in the night and from want, but you could still make out the sadness behind them. The tears that had run down the side of your face for him burn your ears. Now more than anything you wanted to make him feel good, even if it was only temporary. He needed this release.

“It’s okay,” you’re still struggling to communicate, trying to block the pleasure so you can speak properly, “it’s okay, David...you can use me,” finding one of his hands in yours and finally giving him permission.

David stills, eyes never leaving yours, he’s looking for confirmation that he heard you right. Why would you want him to do that to you? His heart swelled at the notion that you trusted him, but he couldn’t trust himself. He didn’t want to hurt you.

You see his mouth open and close, but nothing audible comes out, so you take the initiative and grab the hand that wasn’t supporting him over your frame. You crane your head back, baring yourself to him, and then place his hand on the column of your neck, his fingers settling themselves around it naturally. He shakes his head in protest, you start to feel his hand slipping away, but you’re quick to reposition his hand back on you.

“Are you sure? I might not be able to stop,” he says hesitantly. Your eyes silently let him know you’re certain. This time he nods and leans in for a bruising kiss to your lips, the close proximity of his face momentarily blocks your airway. When he pulls away, he gives you a few seconds to transition.

The quick and sharp thrusts don’t make it easy because that alone knocked the wind out of you, yet you won’t deny the sweet sensation of his dick probing your spot. The pleasure is almost enough to do the job on its own until the pressure from David’s fingers around your throat tightens gradually.

You’re rendered helpless underneath David as he gets back into rhythm. He maneuvers his legs to get him into a slight kneeling position, lifting your hips up, your legs dangle off his thick thighs, but this allows for him to use the hand previously supporting him to join the other on your neck. The realization of him kicking it up a notch sends a warning signal to your brain and you suddenly start to get scared. Sure, you trusted David, but that didn’t block out the fact that he still wasn’t stable.

You struggle to swallow down any fear and even to widen your eyes as his grip grows tighter and tighter. You can’t even gurgle out a whimper of protest. You’re lucky enough to raise your arms and bring your hands on his and desperately attempt to pry his fingers off you. You stare right back at David and notice his empty eyes. He wasn’t in control anymore and you didn’t dare think who he was seeing in front of him instead of you.

In a heat of frenzy, your legs kick up wildly, frantically trying to push his body off yours. Your efforts prove successful as David’s body falters, however only letting his full body weight collapse on you. Before your vision turns black, you manage to pull one hand away from your neck, creating a sense of ease to creep back in, but the hard look on his face crushes your hopes when you think you’ve lost him.

“Dav-“ you attempt to speak, “David,” his name comes out choppy, but you’re able to get something out. “David, it’s me…,” you plead, hoping that’s enough to bring him back.

“David, please,” the grip of his hand might as well have been iron shut around your neck, you’re like an animal clawing at a door. So just when you think that wasn’t enough, that you weren’t enough, you use the last bit of oxygen to admit your feelings, “I’m sorry, David…” you swore you saw his eyes blink, but nothing changed until your next three words, “I love you,” that all movements ceased. You’d given up, but he stayed hovered over you in shock. Then he instantly lets go allowing oxygen to start flowing through you regularly again.

David slides out and off of you, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed in a sitting position with his back to you once more, a hand over his mouth. He can’t believe he’d actually lost control of himself around you. He saw you had trusted him, but he knew he wasn’t well. He should’ve never let you go through with it. He could’ve unintentionally killed you.

You greedily sucked air back into your system and rubbed the soreness on your neck before looking over to David. His sobs wreck his body and you can tell by the slight whimpers and sniffling sounds. You pull yourself up, paying no mind to any modesty, and scoot closer to him. You cautiously lie your head against his back. You feel his body stiffen a bit, so you begin to softly trace the lines of battle scars that scattered his back, delicate touches on the soft tissue, hoping to calm him down.

“David, it’s okay,” your voice is a little hoarse, but it’s still audible and clear, “I’m okay,” you assure him. He finally turns his body around to face you and your heart breaks at the distress on his beautiful face. You feel guilty you let him do this, but you’re not allowed to feel sorry for yourself too long because David wanted to talk about something else.

“You love me?” He questions and your mouth hangs open, at a loss of words, because you’ve already forgotten that you let that slip. There’s a forlorn look of hope etched along his features and your heart stops. There’s no sense in denying it any longer. If it hadn’t been clear before it sure as hell would be by the end of the night.

You nod and confirm, “always...I’ve always loved you, David.” There wasn’t a need to explain for how long. The admission of feelings alone were enough for David to forget about all the wasted time as he dove in, his lips in search of yours again.

He keeps a hand at the back of your head to keep you close, more “I love you’s” spewing from your mouth each time your lips separate for a split second before reattaching themselves. The declaration never goes deaf on both your ears, hearts beating faster and faster.

With your lips resisting to pull away from one another, you manage to crawl onto his lap, straddling him, the moment reignites the fire inside you. You rise up on your knees, giving you a slight height advantage, you brace one hand on his shoulder, the other reaches down between your bodies to grip his still hardened cock. It’s hot and heavy and slightly sticky in your hand as you rub the tip of the head along the pathway to your entrance, effectively coating him for an easy route.

“Let me show you how much I love you,” you say with bated breath and focused only on him, “please.” Not much convincing was needed, and David’s cock slips back in your wet heat with no protest. You sink all the way down, grinding your hips in circular motions, your clit rubbing against his skin and ensuring he’s bottomed out.  

“Oh, you feel good,” he says, voice growing deeper, and at first he’s cautious before laying his hands back on you, but they settle on the sides of your hips and begin to help guide you up and down his cock, “too good,” he growls when you quickly catch on with the movements.

He’s able to drag your bodies to the center of the bed, but when the boiling point rises back up, you push him down, lean back with your hands on his legs to support you, and head thrown back. David picks his head up and the position allows for him to see not only your naked body but how your pussy engulfs his cock repeatedly sending him into overdrive.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” David chants each time his cock is hidden inside you and he resorts to chewing on his bottom lip to contain the expletives.

You feel his hand reach behind you, grabbing a handful of your ass, his strength pulls you in closer by the hips so he’s in all the way once more, you can feel his balls pressed up tight against your bottom, then your body topples over his. You brace your palms of his pecs to prevent you from falling headfirst into him, but his other hand is already at the back of your head bringing your lips back to each other. David’s hips start bucking up into yours to get you back into the groove, but the ache in your legs don’t allow you to perform at 100% anymore.

David rolls your bodies over, with you underneath, and his hips quicken in pace. Your body heaves uncontrollably as you’re close to the edge again and the sweat glistening on your skin has David’s mouthwatering.  

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he comments sliding a hand down your slick body from between the valley of your breasts and to the top of your mound. He wants to say I love you so badly but feels the moment he does he’d break down once more. He knew he loved you and always had too, but in his mind, he didn’t want to give you the hope of having to live with his damaged self. You didn’t need to hear it though because you could feel it.

“Come on, baby,” you encourage him, “give it to me, David,” and your hands finding a new spot on his firm ass to pull him in deeper, “I want it all,” you resort to a begging tactic. It deems successful when you start to feel the sting of each brutal thrust of his hip bones knock into yours causing you to hiss and your nails to dig into his buttocks as he chases sweet euphoria.

He tackles it at the finish line, stilling deep inside of you, and the feeling of his cum spraying straight into your spot, spurts in different intervals, is more than enough to help you tackle your own release. Your legs keep his body locked in, waiting for the aftershocks to subside, he’s quivering from your walls uncontrollably contracting tight around his cock and he does so much as to let out groans in gratification.

Once the waves of pleasure die down, your limbs drop, and he carefully pulls out. He doesn’t know if it was a mistake or not watching his sensitive cock emerge from you, covered in a glossy coat from your release, and his seed spilling out of you slowly then slide down your sore lower half and stain the bed sheets because it begins to elicit more dirty thoughts, but both of your heavy breathing and aching bodies help suggest to put those ideas away for now.

In these rare moments, you were enough to help him block out the world’s harsh realities. He doesn’t regret Ella and Charlie, but never stops wondering how it’d been like if he had kids with you first. Had he waited just a little bit longer for you, but what was the point in dwelling in any of that now? The internal conflict in his mind caused droplets of tears to splash against your cheeks and you start to notice his hurt.

All you do is wrap your arms back around him to pull him into your loving embrace, him nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck and you placing kisses on his head while also running your fingers through his hair. Both of you can feel each other’s heart beats returning to its regular cardiac rhythms. The heavy breathing starts to fade away and the faint sounds of the city start to take over once more as you both begin to drift off.

David would work. He’d work on himself for you. You deserve the best version of him. It was going to take a lot of hard work and willpower, and there would sure to be many obstacles, but now that life presented him with a second chance and allowed him the privilege to be loved by you, he desired nothing more than to return the same compassion. All for you. It was always there within him to love you but locked away when it found no hope or chance to be fulfilled.

He didn’t dare think about what the following morning at work had in store for him or what would result in the catalyst of it all because in that moment he had you with him.

A/N: There are only two shows I’d willingly have my memory wiped of just for the thrill in rewatching: Prison Break and Bodyguard. I’d have said Twin Peaks, but that’s always going to lie a mystery within. & maybe GoT, but that ruined my life. Anyway, give this some love for our fragile babe! Thank you for reading!

[funtimebunnyblog]

How do you think the pillar men would react to a s/o who’s pretty innocent and a loveable ray of sunshine? Just the sweetest soul ever. Never having any ill intentions towards anyone ever, even if they’re mean to her. S/o has a lot of empathy and is just Disney princess level of kindness and nurturing. Sorry if that’s specific. I just always love the trope for couple that are opposites attract.

Did you mean: H O L L Y K U J O ???

Holly: Jotaro, make sure you eat all your vegetables 🥰 Jotaro: *is about to tell her to F*** off* All 4 of his new Pillarmen step-dads: 😡😡😡😡 Jotaro: *sweating* Yes Mom... 😰

I agree, dear Anon, I'm a bit of a sucker for big intimidating Pillarmen with a sweet little mate ❤❤❤ I'm even more of a sucker for writing it! 🥰😇😘 Please enjoy!

The Pillarmen (separate) with a sweet and nurturing s/o...

(Under the cut for length!)

Kars:

• From the moment he first met you, your kindness was baffling to Kars.

• Even before you two had begun a proper relationship, he took notice that you were always dotting on him.

• Sometimes when he was up in his study, spending hours at his desk as he worked away at piles of paperwork, you would pop in to check up on him every so often with a mug of tea for him in hand; brewed hot and black with no sugar, just the way he liked it.

• Somehow you just always knew what he liked and how he liked it.

• You often brung along a comfortable blanket to drape over his shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to his temple as you asked him if he needed anything else and encouraged him to take a break if and when he needed it.

• Nothing prompted you do do these things, he never once asked you for anything really, but it seemed as if you went out of your way to show a little kindness every time.

• Kars knew himself to be a cold creature but you were a person who made his frosty heart thaw with the warmth you radiated.

• As a man who considered nature precious life, he found himself admiring how unbelievably good you were with Animals.

• In fact, they just seemed to flock to you!

• Once, when you both went to an Animal shelter to look for a pet to adopt, Kars turned his back for only a minute and came back to find that you had somehow coaxed the meanest and mangiest old cat there into your lap.

• The shelter workers stood there absolutely gobsmacked as they watched the animal, that had scratched and hissed at and bitten anyone and everyone who had even dared to come near it, cuddling in your arms and purring like a kitten.

• "Aren't you just the sweetest thing?~" You giggled, lovingly running a hand on the cats bristly old fur as it rumbled contently, its purr was like a running motor. "What a pretty kitty you are!"

• Kars could only smile softly to himself as you both left the shelter that day with the mean old cat you were still lovingly cradling in your arms.

• He had to admit, even though he was thousands of years old and an Ultimate lifeform; you somehow felt like you were much higher above him, like a benevolent and virtuous Queen.

Esidisi:

• Your sweet and motherly nature was the very first thing to make Esidisi absolutely head over heals for you.

• There were times you made his heart swell to the point of it hurting when he watched you waltz around the house, singing a happy tune as you did chores or cooked.

• Even though you knew he didn't necessarily need to eat, you always questioned if he was hungry and offered to make him food.

• And it was always delicious homemade food at that!

• You absolutely brought life to every room you passed through and it pulsed through everything you made.

• It was as if everything you touched left behind a little magic in his eyes.

• Once, when you two were still in the stages of getting to know one another, you happened to witness him have one of his crying fits for the first time.

• Esidisi had been very stressed that day and of course, it all overwhelmed him and came out in a flood of tears.

• Immediately, you dropped the laundry you were folding the second you heard him start to sob from the other room and ran to see what was going on.

• "Oh my goodness, what happened?" You questioned, coming towards him quickly.

• Even through his barrage of tears, he didn't miss the genuine concern in your voice and the worry etched into your face as you lowered yourself on your knees in front of him, taking his tearstreaked face gently into your hands.

• "Do you need a hug? We can hug!" You told him, opening your arms to him with no hesitation whatsoever as he struggled to get an explanation out through his bawling.

• The way you rubbed his back, crooning for him to take deep breaths, was something that would stay with him forever as usually people tended to just stand back and gawk at him when he was having a meltdown.

• You hardly even knew him and there you were, comforting him and letting him cry all over you as if you had known him your whole life!

• Each time he spent his evenings with his arms wrapped around you as you cooked supper, both of you singing, he was honestly starting to think he had fallen in love with a Goddess in disguise.

Wamuu:

• You were the only person in the world who could make Wamuu, the greatest and fiercest warrior who ever lived, turn into a shy and blushing mess.

• The way you gently touched his arm and smiled up into his face as you spoke to him, asking him if he was hungry or tired after a long day of training, never failed to make this hardened Pillarman turn to mush.

• Your voice was like music to his ears, as if your words always held a secret song.

• When you did things for him, no matter how small on your part, he could always tell it was done purely out of love.

• "I thought you would get cold going out this time of year, so I made you a scarf and mittens!" You said with a smile, presenting him with the hand-knitted treasures one cold winters day when he was getting ready to leave the house.

• Wamuu was never a person to wear clothes at all. In fact, he would never be cold or hot or uncomfortable in any climate in the slightest being an Ultimate lifeform.

• But still, he stared at the folded scarf and mitts with wide eyes, holding them in his hands like one would a baby bird.

• He had seen you knitting on the couch these past few nights, smiling softly to yourself as you hummed and put love in every stitch. He had honestly thought nothing of it at the time but now it all made sense.

• You had spent all your free time making these... just for him?

• From that moment on, whenever he and the other Pillarmen went outside in the snow (doing God-knows-what), you can bet that he was wearing that scarf and mittens.

• With nothing else but his loincloth, of course.

• When the others questioned him as to why he was wearing such ridiculous attire when he had no need for them, he simply stood there with his head held high; his scarf swaying in the wind as he clenched his mittened hands into fists at his sides.

• "With all due respect my Masters; my beloved bride made these for me." He said calmly, the corners of his lips quirking into a soft smile as their expressions morphed into ones of disbelief. "And believe me when I say that I cherish them as much as I cherish her."

• The warrior actually felt a little boost in his pride seeing the little gleam of jealousy in his companions' eyes at his words.

• It only fed his little ego more when he showed up one day with a new knitted hat with a fuzzy pom-pom on top and Esidisi actually cried and asked if you could make one for him too.

Santana:

• Santana had always rightfully believed that all Humans were the same; loud, annoying, primitive, cruel, dangerous...

• That was until he fell in love with you of course.

• You were a kind of Human he wasn't aware existed, a very soft and loving kind.

• You just seemed to radiate feelings that touched his very soul; like a bouncy ball of sunshine.

• If anyone had ever done something even borderline disrespectful to Santana, he wouldn't put hesitate them in their rightful place (in his stomach that was) but you on the other hand; you always brushed any rude behavior from another off with a smile.

• Always curious, Santana often found himself hanging around in the background, watching you carry out your housework routine.

• You didn't mind this of course, you always assured him that you liked his company.

• Sometimes you even lovingly referred to him as your shadow.

• "Would you like to help, Santana sweetie?" You asked him with a smile as you peered over your shoulder; you were rolling out and cutting homemade cookie dough to bake.

• He noticed you were always so patient, praising him for the littlest things; guiding his hands with the rolling pin, showing him how to flour the cutter and carefully peel away the outline of the shapes.

• "A star for my star," you beamed, holding up a warm star shaped sugar cookie for him to take when you had pulled them from the oven.

• He blinked as you waved the freshly baked cookie in his face, taking it carefully.

• A little smile curled around the pastry when you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, thanking him for his help.

• You and only you could make him feel tingles from the insides out.

• One of his most favourite routines with you was when you sat on the couch on your phone or watching T.V at night; where you'd invite him to lay his head in your lap.

• Your melodic voice could only be compared to a Princess', your little fingers combing out the tangles of his thick red hair as you hummed to him or talked to him about his day before he was lulled to sleep by it all.

• Your sweetness, your warmth, your empathy; it gave him a hope for Humanity he never had before he met you...

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

[seeker-of-stories19]

Found this article about things Ian did wrong in Shameless and I’m not saying he’s perfect but this didn’t even make sense so I’m fixing it. (Part 2)

10/20

C’mon I’m dying here so I’ll just reiterate what I was saying in part one of this. He’s mentally ill, so no he’s not making great decisions but that’s not his fault. Also at this point in the show he’s really starting to live with his bipolar disorder, he’s on better meds and he’s moving forward in his life. And seriously if you want to have sex with a ton of people who cares as long as your safe and honest with your partners, which wasn’t the case for Ian but I was annoyed by the overall negativity of this section’s title because it’s really no one else business.

9/20

I don’t have a lot to say about this one because it was a pretty bad thing to do regardless of the circumstances. But I’d like to add that they didn’t have enough of a relationship to be massively affected, and that the last sentence makes Frank out to be the victim of the series. It’s obviously referring to the bridge incident in which he was a victim but saying “he struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty” seems unfounded and out of character. It’s never mentioned again and isn’t this big moment of shattered relationships it’s made out to be in the article.

8/20

Personally I really liked Trevor as a character and I even thought his relationship with Ian was good for the series because it kind of represented everything Ian wanted from Mickey that he couldn’t give and I think being with someone who was maybe his dream guy when he was younger helped him move past whatever idealism he had surrounding his relationship with Mickey by realizing that it wasn’t really what he wanted or needed. And as for Mickey their relationship is clearly unconventional in a variety of ways but they love each other so much and overcome so much more than most people in their relationship. It wouldn’t be considered ‘healthy’ from a phycological standpoint but they work really well together and complement each other and make each other happy. Whatever they have works for them and that’s all that matters.

7/20

This one is also pretty bad but while I’m not justifying his behavior here I still didn’t like how it was presented. Starting once again with the fact that Ian shouldn’t blackmail an old client but at the same time old men shouldn’t be having sex with underage teenagers. And overall I could see Ian’s power play being the result of a mental illness induced trauma that caused him to make decisions he wouldn’t have in a stable mindset. He was not mentally stable and he was high which means he was being taken advantage of even if it was consensual and his clients didn’t have this information. It not being intentional wouldn’t stop it from being traumatizing or hurtful to Ian and I could understand why he’d want to take a little bit of power back after being helpless for so long. Also its nothing like Frank because he’s doing it for a good reason, not to get wasted or high so that again doesn’t make sense.

6/20

Yeah so not his best moment but I’d just like to add that he was genuinely trying to help people so no one would have to struggle the way he (and Mickey) did. And while his behavior quickly turned erratic he was still trying to help albeit in his own unstable way. But it is later revealed that Ian was off his meds at this point which kind of dissolves any validity this claim may have had. And his attitude toward Trevor could be attributed to this as well (or maybe Ian was just losing interest, who knows?)

5/20

His meds don’t cure his illness they just balance it out and sometimes it’s not enough. He doesn’t stop taking his medication because he’s selfish but because he’s sick. And as for the rest of it he’s mentally ill, he’s not thinking straight, and it’s not his fault.

4/20

He’s bipolar and he’s off his meds, not sure how many more ways I can think to say this.

3/20

Great well they’ve been giving him a hard time for at least the past three sections and now the opposite criticism is being made. He believed in the cause and he said he believed in it at his hearing but telling the judge and a group of his followers that the way he’d handled the issue was wrong took courage and I was upset at his followers, some of whom were friends as well, for abandoning him when he admitted he was off his medication. Saying he shouldn’t have withheld a child from their parents and that he shouldn’t have blown up a van aren’t the same as saying he didn’t believe wholeheartedly in the cause.

2/20

Ian lives a life he’s happy with and that’s what matters. So he didn’t go to college (and get kicked out) or buy real estate (and then lose it and subsequently go off the deep end) he manages his bipolar disorder, works as an EMT, and is married to the love of his life while looking out for his siblings too. This seems like a pretty great life to me and despite its challenges he still has room to grow. And again with the medication, seriously?

1/20

Well this is so bad it’s almost funny. Literally Ian and Mickey are the only reason to watch this show and this comment had me torn between laughing and throwing my phone when I read it. I’m going to break it down a little anyway though for fun. So Mickey denied his feelings for Ian (internalized homophobia by the way) considering how his dad behaves when given this news can you blame him for wanting to protect himself? There was the rape incident with Svetlana, Terry tried to beat him to death when he came out, he burned down their wedding venue and tried to kill them on their honeymoon. I wonder why he didn’t accept he was gay sooner? And I’m sorry but are you kidding me, Ian being bipolar does not keep them from being happy, this is discriminatory towards people with mental illness in relationships, insulting to their characters, and blatantly untrue. The whole article was underplaying his mental illness and now they’re saying he can’t be in a happy relationship because of it? Also, the only time they weren’t faithful was when Ian was first suffering bipolar symptoms and didn’t have his meds which isn’t his fault, before that Mickey was just trying to force himself into being someone he could never be because he’s traumatized and afraid (and they weren’t exclusive and Ian knew he was with other people.) I’d like to point out again that there was heat on Ian for this earlier and it’s contradictory but so what he didn’t run away with Mickey. He wanted too but felt responsible for taking care of his family and things worked out better for him having stayed. Their relationship is unique and funny and sexy and they make each other happy so I don’t know what else there is to say.

I really hope people enjoyed this because it took me forever, I’d love to know everyone else’s thoughts.

P. S. The full article is posted to part one of this post for anyone who wants to check it out but mostly to give the writer credit.

Part 2/2

[fanfic-cave]

The Reveal Pt. 1

Rating: SFW/PG-13

Word Count: 1.3k

Pairing: Hunter x Fem Jedi!OC

Warnings: Swearing (im too lazy to write the star wars swear words so its our kind of swears), trauma/fear situation, suspense build up, hints to romance

Summary: You've exposed yourself as a Jedi to the Bad Batch, and not intentionally. You're trying to avoid them on the Havoc Marauder, worried that they may be out for your blood, the same way the clones were when they executed the Jedi.

Authors note: I'd recommend reading a few other fics I posted that kinda help lay the ground work for this story/the OC. Ill link them below. This is kinda dramatic, but I had to write it out. Ill post part 2 pretty quickly itll be linked below as well. I have more fluff stuff coming I promiseeee

Migraine

Injured Pt. 1, Pt 2.

Part 2 of The Reveal here

@mangoberry99

The environment on the Havoc Marauder had been tense the whole ride. You had decided to try and avoid everyone as much as possible, and you’ve been on the far side of the ship in the small medical supply closet since the journey began.

Shit.

You had slipped up. You prayed to the force that they didn’t notice, but who were you kidding. Hunter had enhanced sense, Tech was enough of a genius to put two and two together. They saw you make a 40ft jump.

You and the ship were under heavy fire. They were trying to bring the ship closer, but they weren’t making progress quickly enough. You had to jump, or take blaster shots to the face. Now you exposed yourself by making an impossible jump.

Maybe they’ve never seen a Jedi before…

You shook your head. Idiot. Of course they’ve seen Jedi, they were in the Grand Army of the Republic, the same army that had thousands of Jedi as commanders and generals.

You used to be a part of that same army. You fought the war.

And you ran away before it was even over. The battle on Umbara… you shivered from the thought of it. That was your last fight.

That’s when I stopped being a Jedi.

You dispelled the thought, just for another unpleasant one to come. What if they know I am- or was, a Jedi? What if they try to kill me like the other clones did to the Jedi? You squeezed your eyes tight. Their faces flashed through your mind. Memories too- challenging wrecker to a drinking contest, teaching Tech the proper pronunciations in Togruti, spending time with Echo in the cockpit on a night of shared insomnia, cutting Crosshairs toothpick while still in his mouth on a day where he was giving you too much sass, and Hunter.

Hunter. You sucked in a deep breath, a swell of emotions filling in your chest. You always wondered about him. His relationship with you was different from everyone else. You could call the boys your friend, but you weren't sure if friend was the right word for him. You noticed how he would keep his eyes on you, how he kept close to you when things got dangerous. You remembered moments when you tended to each other's wounds, or walked past each other on the ship. The longing glances, lingering touches. You could almost feel the electricity you had felt just from being beside him, for some reason craving to reach out to him. You trusted him, you had vulnerable moments with him.

And now he might try to kill me. And I might kill him.

The galaxy really knew how to be cruel, and it looked like you were being given the cruelest fate it could think of.

The door opened and you saw a small figure slip in. Omega. You sighed. She liked you, maybe too much, now that the shit was about to hit the fan. Or you would run and hide as soon as you could, and never see them again.

“Sera! I was looking for you!” She smiled and turned on the lights. She seemed happy to have found you.

“Hey kid.” You looked down at her, and you couldn’t help smiling. Omega was your first friend after a long time of solitude. She wandered over to your home a lot, which led to your eventual friendship with the bad batch.

“Do you mind if I sit in here with you? Or maybe you can come out with me?”

You felt your stomach sink. You weren’t going to enjoy letting her down.

“Omega… maybe it’s best you go stay near the boys. They’re probably wondering where you are right now.”

“I don’t think so, they know I’m on the ship.” She brushed off your concerns quickly. “Tell me about one of the planets you’ve visited! Or-”

“Omega, Sera, we’re about to land, strap in.” You heard Hunters voice down the hall. You felt knots twist in your stomach. You used the force to sense your lightsaber. Still hidden in your bag, a secret pocket you made to effectively hide it. You didn’t make any movements.

“Sera? You coming?”

You looked to see Omega waiting expectantly, concern showing on her face. “Sera…” an expression you couldn’t quite understand crossed her face as she stared at you. Was it worry? Understanding? “You’re safe here.” She reached out to touch your arm. “I promise, you’re safe.” She squeezed your arm and smiled.

If only you knew.

You won’t kill them. You’ll do whatever you can to disarm, and run. You decided this with confidence now. You couldn’t hurt Omega like that, kill the only family she knows. And if it comes down to it… you’ll take the knife in the back, the blaster shot, the beating, whatever happens.

“Thanks Omega.” You smiled, but it was fake, and you were sure it probably looked wrong. “You head up now. I’ll be fine back here.”

She looked unsure and you nodded your head, urging her on. She exited and you released a breath you held. You closed the door and shut off the light.

You heard footsteps, your name being called, but you stayed hidden. Eventually you felt the ship jolt around a bit, and you could tell you’d just exited hyper space and were flying through the atmosphere. Another couple minutes later, a soft thud confirming that you’d landed. You felt adrenaline start pulsing through your body, your fingertips felt like they were being zapped with electricity.

Here we go.

You slipped your mask on, a memento of the clone wars you fought in. You used to always wear it, that was until you befriended the misfit clones. You felt protected when you wore it though, and you needed as much protection as you could get right now.

You shook your head a few times. Maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t know. You kept repeating it in your head. Almost like a mantra. You grabbed your bag and exited the room.

“Sera! There you are!” Wreckers loud voice boomed down the hall. You flinched a little. He didn’t charge at you. He smiled his big goofy grin, swaggering down the hall. He didn’t look like he was going to pummel you. You waited expectantly. “Here I am…” you forced a laugh.

“Where were you?” Hunter spoke and emerged from behind Wrecker. His eyes tried to meet yours, but you avoided direct contact. You didn’t walk up to approach either of them. You watched Hunter now. He didn’t look like he wanted to hurt you either.

This could be a trick. The clones killed the Jedi by tricking them, it had to be the only way. You stayed on guard. You answered Hunter, “Just around. Felt like being alone.”

“Okay then...” His eyebrows knit together, and his arms folded across his chest. You couldn’t tell if he believed you. Hunter was always difficult to read. The boys knew you coveted alone time, so you thought your excuse was believable. Technically it was partially true.

“Well I’m here, we’re back, and we can get off the ship now, right Tech? Echo?” You hollered down the hall. Hunter had an eyebrow raised, analyzing your behavior. You tried to ignore him.

“Yes, we’re opening the doors now.” You heard Tech reply. Right on queue, the ship's exit ramp opened.

You rushed out quickly, managing to get past Wrecker. You breathed the fresh air in. Almost out of this. Then it’s time to disappear. You still had your old Jedi cruiser hidden. Now it was time to put it to use, hopefully you didn’t get gunned down by an Imperial ship.

“Sera, wait up!” You heard Wrecker barrel down. You held your breath, hairs standing up. “How did you make that jump earlier? It was so far!” His hands made a motion to exaggerate it. “Did something explode??” He said excitedly. You didn’t think about how that logic made no sense. You only stood frozen.

“Explosives couldn’t have done that Wrecker.” Tech chimed in. “And isn’t it obvious?” He was standing at the exit door of the Havoc, looking at his data pad. “Sera is a Jedi.”

[floatinginwords]

Saved by the Devil (17/?) - Thomas Shelby

Summary: Father and reader are reunited, Reader faces her past and future at once. (Im getting better kind of?) 

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Fem!Reader (Romantic)

Warning: Unhealthy father and daughter relationship.

A/N: This chapter took oh so long but I’m glad that we get to see this relationship between Father and Daughter in this one. Also i named the father George so sorry if you know someone named George. Comments and feedback is always appreciated and as always have a good night and take care of yourselves. 

Italics = flashback

George (L/N), your father was a man that everyone feared. You knew this ever since you were a little girl. You saw the air he prided himself with, the way people parted like the red sea whenever he walked, the way no one would look him in his eye. You used to worship the ground he walked on. You would cry on to your mother why you couldn’t spend more time with the man, she would give you a look that you didn’t understand then. She was horrified when George did decide to take you for a tour of his ‘office.’ She could do nothing but watch you bounce happily away on your father hand. You still remember the day.

 “You can’t take her, not there.” Your mother cried to him

 “Shes gonna need to learn sooner or later.”

 “Then later!” She yelled.

 He ignores her cries as he drags you along. You had a big smile at finally getting time with your father. You didn’t understand why she was against this.

The walk was brisk, you even stopped for a treat. You ended up jumping from one place to another. Your father talking to people, shaking their hands. You noticed how they looked to him like a leader. So you asked.

 “Im a boss honey,” He answered, “You will be too one day. You’ll help me run all this.”

 “Really?” you said

 “You just gotta be tough. Can you do that?”

 You nodded pulling off your toughest face. The next place he leads you is some old train tracks that aren’t used anymore. A group of men stand around in a circle. All of them waiting for him.

 “You brought a kid to this?” One of them says.

 “You got a problem with that?” George says cocking his gun you didn’t realize he had.

 The man shakes his head no and pints where the rest of them gather, “They got him over there.”

Your father no longer holds your hand as he walks ahead of you. You follow slowly. You can see the man in the middle of the circle. Looking worn down and beaten. Your father stands ahead of him, he plays with gun in the air. He talks words you block out. You just watch the man as is eyes loosely follow your father. He cries uncontrollable begging for his life. You see his body fall before you hear the gun. You don’t cry, you don’t say a word. Your father pats you on the head and says you did good.

 Soon he took you everywhere and anywhere, spending more time with him less with your mother. You became a different person as you became used to the violence. You saw different side of your father more than once but he still treated you like a good. He wanted you prepared for anything and you just wanted to prove that you could be. So learning wasn’t an issue and neither was the perfection you set yourself up for. You became a mini version of him, you didn’t mind unlike your mother who was just horrified. She fought for you to stay in school when he would convince you to leave. She wanted to to date, have a normal job. But you wouldn’t listen to her. You father was your hero at the time you saw nothing wrong with anything that was happening.

 “Your tainting her. Its not good for her to be around this stuff.”

 You listen from atop of the stairs, now only seventeen.

 “Son or daughter, my child is gonna learn the business and learn it right!” He yelled

 “Then ill tell the police, everything I know. Ill take her away or- or”

 “Are you threatening me?”

 “I want my daughter back! You’re running her.”

 “She’s growing up, deal with it.” He turns away from her, gives her the side eye before walking out. You go to sleep, hoping for them to forgive and forget.

 You wake in the middle of night for a glass of water when you found your mother dead. You cry for the first time over a dead body. Holding your mothers hand close to her face, hoping for  a reaction. Your father walks in and pauses. You can see through your lashes that his hands were stained red. You don’t say anything. He brings  out two shovels and hands one to you. George tells you nothing more but to dig in the backyard.

 You don’t. He scolds you for not listening, for not working faster. He digs it himself. He doesn’t look you in the eye as you watch his bury dirt on top of your mother. You share a tea later in the night. You just watch the inside of your cup, the steam rising up. He drinks his greedily, eating cookies as if it’s a regular Sunday morning.

That’s when your relationship changed. You begun to bicker and challenge everything he said or did. You couldn’t understand why he would do that. Or how he even could. You didn’t know what you could do, so you held the emotions in for a long time. Growing distant with your father. He confronts you on your behavior and you no longer hokd your tounge with him.

 “You killed her. Why?”

 “You wouldn’t understand.”

 “I had to bury her, do you know what that was like?”

 “In this business you’ll have to bury a lot more like her.”

 “she had nothing to do with it.” You state.

 He looks at your small figure, your eyes welling up with tears. “Don’t cry.”

 “Why did you do it? Why did you kill my mother?” You press the issue your voice growing louder wanting , needingthe answer. Wanting all this to make sense.

 “Why does it matter? So you can tell the whole city?” He turns on you quick.

 “What if I did, does that scare you?”

 “Watch your mouth girl.”

 “Is that why you killed my mother? Cause she didn’t watch her mouth.” He gets up quickly punching a hole in the wall near your face. You stay still as tears fall from you eyes slowly.

 No longer were the two of you a pair. The father daughter duo was dead. He iced you of the business. Meeting happening without you, transactions with your knowledge. He treated you like a stranger he shared a house with. But every chance you got when you would see him. You questioned him, wanted him to feel bad. No answer at this point would satisfy you, you know that. But you hoped the guilt would eat at his soul for the rest of time. You were there to remind him. And he didn’t like that.

It was the day before you turned eighteen, when you were surprised with a knock on the door. The men claimed to be doctors as they grabbed you by the wrist, throwing you in their car, declaring you insane. You didn’t understand what was happening and that only made them laugh sealing their opinion on what state your mind was as you panicked. The doctors told you nothing but that your father had expressed concerns over your health. And that he was doing this for your own good. Being there made you feel insane but you tried your best to repeal the order to get out. But the doctors were well played off, some of the nurses being Georges goons, no one would let you out unless he said so. Until Tommy Shelby came in, of course you were finally free from that cage.

 So now you stand in front of this man, you had idolized and called father. A man who now is only a murderer, a thief, a low life, your enemy. You clench your jaw as he opens his arms to you. The wrinkles on Georges face crease as he smiles. He’s older in the face and hold a cane in his hand.

 “What? No hug?”

 “Fuck off.”

 “What a lovely choice of words. Im glad to see your okay. I meant to visit…” You glare at him, “but I’ve been busy. Its good to finally find you.”

 “You don’t have to play dumb. How long have you been following me. Ive noticed since a month ago.”

 “Hmm you’re slacking. Its been longer than that. You really think I would let my daughter be out and about, not knowing shes safe.”

 “I had hoped the rumors of your death were true. Guess I hoped too much.”

 “Ah yes your little hit on me. Didn’t go as planned did it.” He glances over at the smoke floating in the town miles from us, “Your work I assume.”

 “Did you do that to Trinity?”

 “It wasn’t anything personal. No need to throw a tantrum.”

 You huff and hold yourself back from stabbing right where he stood. “You had no right-“

 George interrupts you, “After the stunt you pulled. Asking Thomas Shelby to kill me in exchange you tell him a few locations. You know what he did when he found me. He shook my hand. The man helps me fake my death, im off to America. Can you guess where?”

 “New York.”

 “That’s right and its bigger and its booming, honey. And here you are sleeping with a man who lies to you, who is no different than me or the other men ive killed or hurt.”

 “Im not-not” You blush at the accusation your father throws to you. You had forgotten for a second how Tommy Shelby was involved in this. You remember asking him and never getting a clear answer. Especially when you were so unsure with what was going on, you should have pressed more. Not been so easy to trust him. You could have been more prepared for this, left the country sooner.

 “Listen, I’m just here to help you-“

 “By locking me up calling me crazy, or was it when you killed my mother, or had me followed or when you killed my friend.”

 “I understand your mad. But honey we are better as a team than not. Remember me and you fighting the world together.” He uses a funny light hearted voice. One that he would use only to manipulate you when you were younger.

 “What do you want from me?”

 He sighs, “I need a peace treaty. And the family’s got this son.-“

 You scoff, “Are you kidding me?”

 “its what best for our family. And honestly you have no choice in the matter. Ill drag you there myself if I have to.”

 “I’d like to see you try.” You pull put your knife and hold it out in attack position.

 “You’re gonna kill me, your old man,” He uses a mockingly sad voice before erupting into a mad laughter, “You might as well do it now cause you wouldn’t want me as your enemy.”

 “I think it might be too late for that.”  You press the knife against your own throat, pressing hard against your skin. You can feel a trickle of warm blood run down. Now George finally panics.

 “Hey, Hey! Don’t do that!” He yells.

 “Walk out of here and don’t turn back.  Now! “You command.

 Your father follows your orders because you knew it as well as he that in this game you were now an important chess piece. And he wouldn’t have no use with a dead bride.

 “I’ll be seeing you very soon.” He says as he walks further and further away. You watch until his figure is nothing more than a blur. That’s when you finally release the grip on your knife.

You sit down on the ground and quietly sob into your hands. You don’t know the time when you finally stop but its still night and still no train. You hear the sound of a lighter flicking on. You curse under your breath as you get up, ready to die tonight if it meant not being in your fathers plan.

 “You are really testing my patience tonight.” You say turning around. Only it wasn’t your father standing there.

 “Cigarette? You look like you could use one.” The deep voice says. And there you are, Face to face once again with Thomas Shelby.

[behindheremeraldeyes]

sasusaku month 2020 days 12 & 15 - gimme shelter // recovery

title: her dear friend

summary: Set after their mission at Redaku – Sasuke and Sakura are finally going back home after their latest discovery when they’re surprised by a storm. She’s worried about her best friend, and he knows he has to do something before she puts herself at risk.

a/n: So, if you’re tired of seeing Sasuke caring for Sakura, this story is definitely not for you. I had this idea a while ago and of course I used it as an excuse to re-read Sasuke Retsuden (everything can be an excuse for that XD). I had initially planned to post this for the SasuSaku Month, but life happened and... Well, enough of me, I hope you enjoy this one, and if you want, I would love to hear your opinion on it!

(also, this is un-beta’d. Please, go easy on me)

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Redaku continued to prove itself as a strange land even now that they were just a couple of miles away from the border with the Fire Country. Dark clouds had been announcing a storm ever since they left the Tataru Astronomy Research Institute— or at least what was left of it—  and even if there were still a couple of hours left of sun-light, the forest where they were had been enveloped by a shady atmosphere. Birds were coiled up inside their nests and squirrels hid in tree-trunks as an ominous wind swept the leaves beneath their feet. 

All the signs around them indicated that Mother nature was about to unleash her fury, and neither of them wanted to be out in the clear when that happened. Even if they were in a hurry to return home with the new info they had gathered regarding Naruto’s condition, they knew better than to defy the natural forces.

For the storm was due to any moment now, they decided that it would be better to deviate from their original route so they could seek shelter in a safe place. It sure took them a while, especially because they didn’t really know the area, but eventually, Sasuke managed to spot an empty cavern. It was damp, cold and filled with bats; but it would have to do for the time.

It was not like they had any better options.

As soon as they verified the cave to make sure it was safe, his wife was the one who used her fists to gather some dry wood, and by the time he had started the fire with his fire jutsu, the downpour began. It had been years since he had last seen a storm so destructive and powerful like that, and for the moment, he was just glad to have found a place where they could stay.

They had fire to keep them warm, enough food and water for the night, and—well— they also each other so they wouldn’t feel lonely. All they had to do now was wait.

However, for his wife, waiting seemed to be a lot harder than facing the storm.

Once they had settled inside the cave, the male Uchiha couldn’t help but notice how restless the pinkette was. While he was calmly sitting by the fire, she was standing up, pacing around and looking outside. Her arms were crossed across her chest, and he had already lost count of how many times she had already sighed or cursed the heavens for the rain outside.

Sakura was pissed, he could tell. Her shoulders looked tense and she had barely said a word ever since they were forced to stop. He knew she wanted to go home as fast as possible, and being stuck inside a cave had certainly not been part of their plans when setting the fastest route home earlier that day. More than anyone, he knows how much she hates the unforeseen, and at that moment, of all times, anything slightly different from their original plan was enough to give her a huge headache. 

They needed her back in Konoha. Naruto was slowly getting worse, and even if they hadn’t really found the cure in their mission, they had found new and relevant information that could lead to something— anything, really. Ever since the blond had fallen ill, she had been on the edge, reading countless medical books and ancient scrolls, looking for a cure or at least a way to slow down its progression. She might have found a thing or two during the many nights she has spent up, but it was still not enough.

Naruto was still sick at the end of each day, and the only difference now was the she wasn’t by his side. And even if she knew that what they had done in Redaku was also very important, he knew better than to believe she wasn’t bothered by the fact that she was miles away from Konoha.

In fact, the guilt of being away was slowly eating her alive, and if she continued to put herself under so much pressure, it would be just a matter of time before she had a mental breakdown.

He had to do something. Just like in the past, he would have to take care of her so she could take care of the others.

“Sakura.” He started, his voice soft as her name rolled out of his tongue. “It's no use. You know the storm won’t just stop because you’re glaring at it. Come sit by the fire.”

“Don’t even try. You and I know I don’t want to sit.”

“So are you just gonna stand there all night?”

“Maybe I will, so what?” She turned to him, her hands balling into annoyed fists as her voice came out an octave louder. She forcefully closed her eyes for a second, then, sighing exasperatedly before her stiffened expression melted into a worried one. ”I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun. I just…I just want to go home.”

He knew she didn’t mean to sound rude. It was just the stress getting the best of her, and even if he hated to see her like that, Sasuke knew there was nothing he could do to solve her problem at that moment. For he was still feeling a bit drained after what had happened at the Astronomy Institute, he knew he didn’t have enough power to use his Susano’o all the way back to the village, and anything other than that would be useless— irresponsible, even.

There was really no way out of that situation.

Still, it was not like their friend was facing an imminent threat at that moment. Even if he really was getting worse, all of his vital parameters were stable and the progression of the disease didn’t seem to be so fast that his condition would suddenly become life-threatening. A day or two wouldn’t make any difference, both Shizune and Shikamaru granted that in a letter they had sent on the previous day.

Naruto would still be okay by the time they got home. And however logical that sounded, it would never be enough to calm her poor heart.

“I know you do.” He said, his voice offering her some sort of comfort. “But we both know we can’t do anything right now. Not with this storm out there.”

“But…but don’t you think we should take the risk?” She spoke, her green eyes now looking at him with a serious expression. “We have experience in field missions, and if we are careful, we can escape the storm. It will save at least a day of journey.”

His eyes widened at her statement, and it worried him to listen to her talking like that. She was actually serious about that— serious about walking aimlessly in search of a new way back home in the middle of the pouring rain. It was possible to see that her thoughts were now clouded by her sense of guilt, as she was clearly considering putting herself at risk out there just so they could try to arrive a day earlier or two.

 Sakura was acting recklessly. And he had to stop her before she did something stupid. 

“We’re not going anywhere in the middle of the storm. It’s not worth the risk.”

“What? Why not?”

“What do you mean why not? Tch, you know very well how hard it is to move in such terrible conditions. It’s dark, we don’t know the area and the storm is too strong.”

“I-I know it’s dangerous, but this is an emergency, right?”

“It's not an emergency yet. They said his condition is stable and we still have time to get back to Konoha.”

“They don’t know for how long it will be stable, Sasuke-kun. It might get worse.”

“You don’t know that, Sakura. This is just speculation.”

“Of course it is. We don’t know anything about this stupid disease.” She started, her voice now growing irritated. “He might as well be better by the time we arrive, but he also might drop dead before we get the chance to use what we’ve discovered in Redaku.”

“Hn.” He nodded in acceptance, closing his eyes. “I guess we will just have to wait and see, then.”

“Wait and see?” She said, turning to face him. He watched as her green eyes were now glaring at him with vivid fire, and at that moment, he suddenly remembered how intimidating his wife could be. “Are you perhaps suggesting that we should just bet on his life? He is the Hokage.”

As he watched the pinkette growing angry at his words, Sasuke realized that, apart from his efforts, she had finally lost it. She was now using their official positions at the village as an excuse to her behavior, and though she has always respected the shinobi hierarchy, that was probably the first time he ever heard her calling Naruto 'Hokage' when they were just the two of them in the room. His words had been completely misunderstood by her, and at that moment, even if she wasn’t really using words to describe it, he knew exactly what was going through her head.

Sakura was angry. Truly and inexorably angry.

Guilt was taking over every fiber of her heart and even if she knew it wasn’t her fault that Naruto was sick, she was blaming herself for not being there by his side. It was not like she didn’t trust the people back in Konoha to take care of him, but she knew she was the only one really capable for a job that has always been hers. 

Whenever one of them needs her, she’s there. Whenever they’re sick, she finds the cure. That has been the ultimate rule of her life as a medical ninja, and even if they’re all grown ups now, it was still hard for her to let go of that motherly part of hers. 

She has always been overprotective towards them. She has always tried her best to make sure they were both safe, and after marrying the Uchiha— much to her husband’s surprise— she grew even more worried about the blond. Perhaps it was the fear of losing her bonds with him or even the fact that they were each other’s closest fraternal connection, but whenever Naruto ended up at the hospital, she wouldn’t sleep until he was feeling better.

They’re too close. They have always been, especially after all of the time that were just the two of them. They’ve shared memories, promises and dreams; and it would be impossible for her to just ignore all that and not worry about him. It was stronger than her, and fighting against that would be useless.

He couldn’t change that part of hers even if he tried to. All he could do was make sure it didn’t hurt her like it was hurting at that moment.

Sasuke stood up, then, his heart beating as calmly as before. He knew better than to be mad at her for letting her feelings rule her thoughts, especially when his own emotions almost made him destroy Konoha. Just like all the times when she has showed him compassion during his times of pure rage, he owed her the same kind of reciprocity. 

His wife deserved to be heard, and for she has always been more technical than him, he knew she would eventually give in to reasoning if he presented it to her in a way she could understand.

His feet slowly took him closer to her until his body was towering over hers. For she has never been the kind to be intimidated by anyone, Sakura kept glaring at him with the same intensity as before. He was holding a serious expression, and his voice didn’t change when he started his speech. “Stop pretending you care about the Hokage.”

His mismatched eyes watched as her expression changed. Her eyes widened, her lips parted, and slowly, she grew even angrier at him. “What did you say?” He could tell she was really mad at him, and if he didn’t choose his words correctly, chances were she would end up beating him to dust.

“I told you to stop pretending you care about the Hokage, Sakura. If you really want to go out there in the storm, at least be a little more honest about your reasons.”

“How dare you say something like that to my face? After everything I did and after leaving my daughter alone so I could help you gather new information, are you really saying I don’t care?”

“Aah.” He confirmed, his voice still as calm as before.

“Screw you, Sasuke.” She said, finally looking away from him. “I'm going. With or without you." At that moment, he realized he had driven her to the edge, and that was the right time to act on their problem.

That was the only way he could ever talk some sense into his wife. And even if he could end up with a broken rib or two, he figured it would be better than letting her get hurt. 

She was fast to take her backpack from the ground, and as she was making her way towards the exit of the cave, Sasuke took a deep breath before giving her a decent answer. “At least admit why you’re leaving.” At his words, she stopped in her tracks, turning one more time to glare at him. Sakura opened her mouth to talk, but before she had the chance, he continued. “At least admit that you’re doing this for your best friend. Admit that him being the Hokage has nothing to do with this.”

Her eyes widened once more, and he watched as she bit her lower lip before balling her hands into fists. “Stop with your silly games. You know it makes absolutely no difference right now.”

“Of course it does.”

“Oh, and do you care to explain how?” She crossed her arms across her chest, her legs now slightly parted as a sign that she was standing her ground.

“You wouldn’t be acting like that if Kakashi was the one sick.”

“Bullshit. You know I would–”

“You wouldn’t.” He said, firmly, and he realized she was taken aback because of his words. At that moment, he used that opportunity to get closer to her. “If the one sick wasn’t that idiot, we both know you would be a lot calmer right now. It has nothing to do with his position as the Hokage. It never had.”

“Tch, and so what, Sasuke-kun?! Am I that wrong for caring?” She started, her eyes now tearing up. At last, his wife was admitting the truth to herself and it was relieving to see the walls she had built around herself crumbling down. If he wanted to help her— and he certainly did— he needed to be able to reach her first. ”What if I really am worried about my best friend? He’s sick, okay!? He’s sick and I have no fucking idea of what’s happening with him! I’m scared that something bad might happen and I won’t even be there by his side. And though I know there are very capable people back home, I don’t know if any of them would go far enough to keep him alive like I would!”

Her arms were now embracing her own body, making her seem smaller than she really is. She was bitting her lower lip, and even if it hurt him to see his wife like that, unfortunately, it was the only way he knew to calm her down. Thanks to that depraved shinobi system they grew up in, it was only natural for her to keep it all to herself. According to that system, her fears, her thoughts and her emotions meant nothing in times of crises, and there was no reason to prioritize them over their mission or their Hokage. She’s a medical ninja, trained to heal and not alarm those around her, even if it meant she would be haunted by her own secrets for the rest of her life.

No wonder why the previous generations of shinobi suffered so much. More than anyone, he knew how destructive emotions can be when they’re kept inside for too long, and he was not going to let her go through that kind of suffering. 

Sakura had to let it all out. That was what Naruto would tell her if he was there. That was what he has always fought to protect.

And now that she did, it was time for her to pull herself together. He has seen her doing it before, and for she is this brave woman, he knew she could do it again. She just needed to be reminded of that.

“Sakura, look at me.”

“Leave me alone, Sasuke-kun.”

“I'm serious.” He said, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Look at me.”

Though she refused to do as he said at first, her worried eyes eventually gave in to her husband’s words. Her cheeks were puffed in anger, her eyes were turning red due to the unshed tears and he could see that her teeth had already left their mark on her rosy lips. His wife was sad, but it was inevitable for him to think about how beautiful she was, as her true colors oozed from her every pore.

“Let me go to him.” She said, her voice low, almost as if she was begging him.

“I can’t do this. I can’t let you risk yourself out there.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re his only hope, Sakura.”

“What?” Her eyes widened in surprise, and her lips went agape. She was certainly not expecting those words, and he knew he had to take advantage of her state of bewilderment to tell her the one thing she needed to hear.

“Just think about it. You are the only one who can actually save Naruto. Shikamaru, Kakashi and I can search for things that are related to his condition, but you are the only one who can actually do something about it. You will put all the pieces together and you will find a cure, I’m sure of it.”

“What if you’re wrong? What if I can’t do anything and he dies before we get the chance to get to him?”

“I'm not wrong.” He said, his voice powerful and with no hint of doubt. “I know you can do it. We all know it, and that includes that idiot. He understands why you had to leave, and right now, he’s also doing his best to make sure you have all the time you need. He’s not going to die, Sakura.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not.” He said, his voice soft and delicate as he spoke to her. “But I trust him. He’s strong and he’s too stubborn to lose before using his best weapon.” His hand moved, then, slowly climbing up to her neck until he was cupping her left cheek. He brushed his thumb against her soft skin, and he offered her a tender smile before continuing. “And right now, his best weapon is you, Sakura.”

At his words, a delicate silence took over them as he simply watched as she made peace with her mind. Knowing his wife like he did, Sasuke knew she was probably thinking about a million ways to refute his arguments, but thankfully, she didn’t seem to be finding any. He felt as she allowed her head to rest against his palm, and she carefully placed her own hands over his as if to indicate she was welcoming the comfort he was offering her. She closed her eyes after that, letting go of all the tension that was taking over her shoulders, and he sighed in relief after that.

“You're right.” She nodded, slowly, as she opened her green eyes to face him. “He's strong and…he’s gonna make it.”

“I’m sure he will.”

“It’s gonna be hard, but I have to trust Naruto on this.” She giggled, finally moving her head away from his hand so she could wipe a tear that had dared to fall. “Shannarou, when did he become such a dependable adult?”

“Hn, he didn’t. Don’t forget that Kurama is the one doing it all for him.”

“Yeah, that’s the only possible explanation.” She blinked, tugging a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Thank you for helping me see things through.”

“No need to thank me. You already knew everything I said.“ He reassured her, their eyes still connected. "You were just a bit confused because of your maternal instincts towards that Dobe.”

A chuckled escaped her lips at his words, and slowly, a smile was decorating her face. It was good to see her like that again. "I guess you’re right. “ She said, scratching the back of her head. “I should probably start worrying more about my husband, don’t you think?”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” He started, turning away so he could walk back to where they had placed their belongings. The night was getting colder because of the storm, he was tired, and after all of that commotion, he just wanted to sit by the fire with his wife. “Now come. It’s been a long day and we need to rest for tomorrow."

“You’re right.” She agreed, instinctively following his steps. “Help me heat the water, then. I’ll make us some tea to keep us warm.”

“Aah.” 

And so, after the raging thunder in her heart dissipated, the Uchiha couple could finally settle down by the fire. The water she had collected from the rain was now boiling inside an old kettle with some herbs, and while they waited for their tea to be ready, both Sasuke and Sakura sat next to each other, finally sharing a moment of peace. Her back was pressed against his chest, her head lingered near his chin and he could feel the way her muscles were relaxed against him. The sound of the rain outside felt like a serene symphony, invading his ears and allowing his heart to beat slower.

In a couple of hours, he knew they would both be up and back on their way back home, and perhaps, they would have to face some challenges. The near future seemed to have a lot of uncertainties that they would have to deal with, but for the moment, he figured he could let himself rest while enjoying his wife company.

He really had missed her, after all.

With that in mind, Sasuke closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Her sweet scent invaded his nostrils, and slowly, he could feel his thoughts disappearing one by one, until it was just them, the fire and the rain.

the end

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO,  “Post Apocalyptic Utopia.”

I was actually able to write something today, which I didn’t expect. So I hope you all enjoy!” 

A small delegation of Vrul scientists were waiting for them when the shuttle landed. Dr. krill looked around the city and noted the increased security from the last time he had been here, though that had been almost a year ago, so he couldn’t have said if that was a recent development or not. Behind him, Admiral Vir, Doctor Katie, and their resident microbiologist stepped out of the shuttle, followed closely by their select group of marines.

The marines had been ordered to keep a close eye on Krill, as it was a well known fact that the Vrul council had put a termination order on his head. They had said the termination order had been dissolved, but to say that he didn’t exactly trust their word, was a bit of an understatement.

Admiral Vir stayed close at his shoulder eyeing up anyone who got to close.

They had brought the marines for a reason, but a single human would have been enough to scare of the Vrul if they were to try, and Admiral Vir, as important as he was in intergalactic government, was even more of a deterrent.

They were met a few feet later by the council members, no one that Krill recognized, so they must have been council assistants.

“Dr. Krill, we were not sure you would answer our call.”

“Is that because of the termination order on my head, or because the Vrul council seems to have a disdain for my work?”

They stepped back a little shying away from his bluntness, but he stood his ground. Perhaps it was a little mean to behave so human-like in front of them, but he had to admit, it gave him no end of pleasure to see the squirm, all except for one.

One of the Vrul scuttled forward and his movements were familiar.

Together both Krill and the Admiral recognized him as the psychologist who had stood up for krill the last time he had brought in on a termination evaluation.

‘I am pleased to see you have answered our call Dr. krill, I was worried the past issues with the council might drive you away.” he looked up and raised a hand to the human, “As well as you Admiral, I am always pleased to see the man who saved my life.”

The admiral saluted, “The pleasure is all ours.”

Krill nodded pleased to see at least one sensible Vrul in this entire place, “I am sure we are all very happy to see one another, but I doubt you would ave called us here for a simple visit?”

The psychologist nodded his head, “Yes, yes of course. Please follow me.”

They did as ordered, the humans sauntering along behind them as the Vrul walked and talked. Around them, the city was surprisingly deserted with few workers and even fewer pedestrians. 

“Something strange has happened, something we are not sure what to make of.” 

They turned a corner down the middle streat, heading towards the outskirts of the city.

“The morning before last, a…. Minor beta geologist by the name of Dr. Kell was allowed permission outside the city walls.”

“Beta scientist?” Dr Krill wondered 

“He was one of those hard cases. His original tests showed promise, but it was later determined that he was closer to a beta than an alpha, though the council let him keep his teaching position at the institute as long as it was only the entry level classes, regardless, that is not the point. The point is, he was allowed outside the city on request to study surrounding soil samples. He was gone for maybe two or three hours before returning, dazed and catatonic. His helium sack had been ruptured, and shortly after being contained within an isolation chamber, he began to develop large yellow soars across his body. Those who came in close contact with him, including myself, have been put into isolation for a days duration, longer than it took for him to be infected.” 

They stepped onto a small elevating platform which rose them high into the air along the wall. There were no rails, as Vrul didn’t fear falling, butthe humans clustered at the center to avoid the drop.

They made it to the top of the wall and were motioned over by the psychologist to peer over the edge.

“That of course is not even mentioning these creatures.”

Together they looked over the edge of the wall. The humans muttered in surprise, and Krill Felt his antenna vibrate slightly in unease and burgeoning horror. The creatures below him looked awful like deltas, with their six limbs and thickened bodies, but the way they moved was just so rong. They clambered over each other hauling themselves up against the wall as if they were trying to climb it.

There were no more than seven of them in total and their eyes glowed a glassy white. All over their bodies, he could just make out the sickly yellow pustules. One of the creatures attempted to climb over his brethren, and in so doing stepped on one of the bulging sacks causing it to rupture and spew a thick spray of a pollen like substance. The cloud expanded shortly but was too thick to spread properly and slowly dropped to the ground coating the others in the layer of yellow.

The human grimaced, “Do you smell that?”

The Vrul looked up at him in surprise, “You smell something.”

All the humans nodded. Adam shook his head and sneezed rather violently taking a step back from the edge before wiping his face, “Smells like…. I don’t even know how to describe it, organic but…. rotting .”

Ramirez peered over the edge, “Tree zombies.”

The little vrul psychologist looked up at them, “What is a zombie?’

Krill sighed, “here we go.”

“Its an old legend or folktale I guess. There have been a lot of iterations of it over the centuries, but the general idea is that some kind of virus infects a human and the symptoms cause them to become aggressive and violent. A bite causes them to spread the Virus, and so they become cannibalistic. The disease rapidly spreads through population centers and the entire world shuts down in an apocalyptic event while small pockets of humans attempt to survive. Of course, its not exactly scientifically possible with the diseases we know of, but.” Adam glanced back over the wall, “Obviously not the same thing, but…. A similar principal I suppose. Twenty bucks says that those sores are what make it contagious.”

Krill nodded slowly, “it would make sense why none of you who came in contact with Dr. kell were ever infected, because you were never exposed to the pathogen. I am assuming he was not showing signs of those yellow pustules by the time he showed up?”

The psychologist nodded. “No, he developed those late last night and is still under observation. That happened about the same time he started showing signs of aggression towards the staff.”

“Let me see the patient.” krill said and the psychologist nodded, motioning them forward and back down the wall to where they were keeping their observation room.

It had been set up away and secured from the other buildings, and as they walked in most everyone was dressed in hazmat equipment.

They were brought forward, to an outside observation room where they could see through two sets of thick paned glass to where dr Kell, or who they supposed used to be Dr, Kell, paced around the room scuttling this way and that towards anyone who moved outside of his enclosure. The entire inside of the room was coated in a delicate layer of yellow pollen.”

Krill ordered someone to give him a hazmat suit and he hurried into the crowd to take a look for himself.

Dr, Katie was able to bring her hazmat equipment from the ship and followed after him, walking around with Krill as they examined the subject.

Adam didn’t know much about Vrul related illnesses, but he still found the behavior of the vrul inside the enclosure to be rather unsettling.

He walked around the outside examining the creature as Dr. krill and Katie spoke with each other.

He tapped his fingers against his arms nervously. This was very strange as far as he knew no vrul had lived outside their cities in centuries if not millennia. So how could there be infection outside of the city…. Of course…. That was unless…

A sudden scuttling could be heard outside the door, and he turned around to watch as a small alpha Vrul stepped into the room. It hurried forward and stood at the edge of he room looking unsure and nervous. On occasion it glanced over at him with a wary expression, to the point where he thought it was going to get whiplash.

He nodded, “Do you need something?”

It jumped as he spoke clutching some files on its chest, “i uh… uh I wanted to speak with the doctors about…. About something I found.”

Obviously Vrul only had one gender, but there was just something about it that made him think female, so he went with it.

Usually Vrul chose based on convenience when working with species of more than one gender, but until she said otherwise she was going to have to do.

“You can tell me.”

She looked up at him with a skeptical expression.

Most vrul had a sense of intellectual superiority when it came to other species. It made them insufferable sometimes as humans had IQs closer to their betas than their alphas. Difference was your average human could handle abstract concepts where a beta could not. Though the vrul tended to forget this.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, “I think I can keep up, just humor me.”

She looked at him long and hard for a moment before moving closer, “I am Dr. Vess, head historian at the Vrul institute here in the city, and I have been examining some ancient documents which I think might shed some light on what is happening here.” She paused.

He nodded for her to go on.

“About four thousand years ago, there is a sudden drought of historical documentation. We don’t know much of what happened before then. We think before that time we had light travel expeditions to other planets which gave us the shoot-off species, the Gibb, but there is no historical information to back this theory. I did, however, find architectural blueprints for the wall. The most dangerous predator on our planet is only ten feet tall and can only jump two feet, but our wall is forty feet high and twenty feet thick with no doors. This is also the time when we began to develop our force field technology, which is why we are so ahead of the times. The force field that can surround this city goes as a dome into the air, and even penetrates underground. Based on everything we know, the structure of the wall is far too dramatic to have been built by those who live in the world that we do, unless there was something that happened to prompt the construction.”

Adam nodded slowly, “You think that these creatures…. Whatever they are, were an issue before the wall was built, but you have lived so long behind the wall that it was forgotten with the historical records because no vrul has bothered to go outside the city for the past four thousand years, and by the time they did they were leaving by way of spaceship.”

Her antenna vibrated, in what he had come to know as the Vrul version of a nod.

“It makes sense, as I said before there is no reason for them to have built the walls so high and so thick. Furthermore, I have been analyzing satellite patterns of the surrounding area.” She opened a map before him and he crouched down on the floor with her to take a look as she spread it out on the ground, “Circular clusters of trees, everywhere, at first I thought they were just the natural way in which our trees grow, but you can see patches of them in others places that do not follow this pattern, but looking over here in this book that I found on etymology, they seem to be similar circles made by certain types of hibernating creatures that live on this planet.”

He stared at the evidence eyes wide, “So you are saying you believe that these creatures, whatever they are have been hibernating for a couple thousand years and were only distrurbed when the doctor made his way outside the city, probably due to vibrations in the ground.”

She nodded her head, “That was another thing I had been meaning to point out. The city walls are set on a series of inertial dampeners. Now when we do construction inside the city, the foundation rattles a little bit but the housing around it does not meaning that the city does not disturb the ground around it. This includes when spaceships take off and land despite their engines generally being powerful enough to cause shock waves.”

“Well I’ll be damned.” Adam muttered, “You guys may very well be living in a post apocalyptic utopian hellscape and no one knew because the historical records beforehand were lost.” He lifted his head and turned towards where krill and katie were still working, “Doctor! Wou will want to come and hear this.”

***

He could hear the others speaking in sharp tones behind him, though he wasn’t really paying attention. His eyes were focused mostly on the creature inside the tank. Some of the actual council members had deigned to descend from their council chambers as this was actually turning into a more serious matter than they thought. The history of the vrul was apparently a little more complicated than the “Brave new world” hellscape utopia in which they lived. In fact, it appeared as if they were some kind of post zombie apocalypse.

It was both cool and rather frightening at the same time especially when you considered the fact that these creatures were still hibernating beneath the ground, and could rise at the slightest provocation.

Inside the room, the zombie Vrul bashed it’s head against the wall causing another one of it’s yellow sores to pop spreading its pollenthick against the glass.

He moved forward to where one of the doctors was standing and asked, “Is there an intercom into the room?”

The Vrul turned to look at him and then nodded slowly, “There is, why?”

“I want to try something.”

The doctor stared at him as if he had been audaciou enough to pull off his pants and start pissing on the floor.

“What!”

“Humor me doc, if it works then I might know a way to defeat these things.”

The doctor looked about ready to argue with him but Adam gave hima look and he quickly backed off.

Adam knelt down and had the doctor show him how to transmit something into the room. He scolded quickly through his music library before picking something he thought had a nice complex beat.

The doctor watched him curiously as he turned on the song.

The glass was too thick for much sound to penetrate back through, but as soon as the beat started the reaction was almost immediate, and rather violent.

What had once been Dr. Kell jerked in it’s spot, then agitatedly began to run in a circle before falling to the ground where it twitched and convulsed. He stopped the song before the doctor could order him otherwise, and he turned to look at the little creature staring up at him in confusion, “Rhythmic induced cataplexy, just like the rest of you.”

He turned to look back at where Dr. krill was standing an idea beginning to form in his head.

It was a very extreme idea. He doubted anyone would be willing to try it.

But he had to admit, it did sound pretty tempting. 

Very tempting indeed.

[world-of-aus]

Wish You Were Here - One Shot

Pairing: Biker! Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 8,915

Warnings: angst, fluff, blood, violence

Summary: Bucky will go to any extent to protect his family, even to the extent of pushing you far away from him, but has he gone to far this time.

Author’s Note: Anything italicized are flashbacks! Oh man was this one a fun one to write, there was so many times i was constantly adding things only to delete because it just wasn't flowing right, but if you ask me i’m pleased, and i hope you’ll enjoy it as well! Behind the Screen will be updated this week and ill be posting about a schedule for my works after i upload this! Happy Reading sweet angels!

“James, sweetheart five more minutes and then I'm going to need you to come inside and wash up before dinner!” you yelled through the backdoor of your home. Your rambunctious five-year-old looked up from where he was ankle deep in his sand box. You watched as your son comically threw his head back, a loud groan leaving his lips, “but mom!”  

Though you knew your raised brow would be to no avail you still raised it anyway, your hands on your hip, “five minutes James, five minutes and no longer,” you called out.

You could almost hear his grumpy fine, as he glared at you from his spot in the sand. You chuckled at his behavior before turning away from the door, returning to your post at the sink where you were washing the pots you had used to whip up dinner for the two of you. You watched your son from the window above the sink, he looked so happy, so carefree, you wished all his days were like this. Recently his behavior had been at an all-time high, there was usually no consoling the five-year-old, not when he wanted his dad, and nothing to do with mom. What were you supposed to tell him though, surely “oh yeah daddy’s not going to be home anytime soon because he chose the club over you and I” would be the last thing your son would want to hear. Every day that passed you could see your son’s once happy form slowly shrink in on itself, you knew he sensed the change in your home, he could sense his father's absence, and it was affecting the both of you.

You sighed as you shut off the sink putting the last pan up to dry, peering up you saw your son stare off into the distance towards the front of your home before he was bolting from the sandbox. You watched with wide eyes as he ran past the back door, right past the side of your home. You cursed as you turned on your heel making your way through your home practically ripping the door off its hinges as you pulled it open. You ran down the steps two at a time, freezing at the last step, hand to your chest as you tried to catch your breath.

“Mama, mama, look uncle Steve is here!” he beamed from where he sat in Steve’s arms.

You gave him your best tight-lipped smile, “I can see that baby, say why don’t you go wash up real quick so I can talk to Uncle Steve,” You saw your son frown.

“Do I have to mommy, I really want to spend time with Uncle Steve,” he whispered eyes casted down.

You sighed, heart breaking, “as soon as you freshen up, I promise you can come right back out and spend a few minutes with Uncle Steve, okay?” you bargained.

Just like that a bright smile took over your son’s tiny face as he squirmed in his uncles hold. You watched Steve place him down, your son running up to you hugging your thighs tightly, “Love you momma,” he whispered placing a wet kiss to your leg.

“Love you too, now go on, go get cleaned up baby,” you spoke softly ruffling his brown locks. The second you heard your front door close you looked over to Steve.

“What are you doing here Steve?” you questioned arms crossing over your chest.

“It’s Bucky y/n he’s - ”

You held up your hand silencing him, “where’s Natasha?” you questioned.

Steve sighed, “Y/n it’s not what you think, it’s -”

You shook your head, “I don’t want to hear it Rogers, I asked where Natasha was?” you muttered.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, “Clint got into a bit of a slip-up with another member, she was called to go stitch him up.”

“so then wait for her to get back, Natasha has skilled hands she’ll be quick”

You could see Steve was getting impatient, “y/n Bucky will have lost a lot of blood by the time she gets to him, he need’s you.” he tried

“Yeah well we all need things, doesn’t mean it always happens,” you muttered looking at the floor.

“Please y/n,” he was getting desperate.

“This better be the last time Steve, I told you I wanted out the second he decided our family wasn’t his top priority, the second he decided-” your words caught in your throat, you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Your head fell, you shook it slightly as you willed the tears away. You took in a shaky breath eyes meeting Steve’s, “where is he?”

Steve was about to answer, when you heard the distant rumble of two more bikes, one that you had grown accustomed to seeing for years.

“were you guys just going to show up,” you hissed at Steve, “did you just think I would agree to this?” you questioned getting angrier by the second.

“We were hoping you would say yes,” he sighed, “there was no one else y/n, you were always there to nurse us back to health, he needed you.”  

You scoffed, “needed me, understatement of the fucking year,” you muttered under your breath as the bikes drew closer.

You watched Steve rush over to Bucky, his frame wobbling, your eyes grew concerned.

“Hey y/n,” Sam greeted, you nodded your head at him, “Samuel.”

Your eyes widen the second they land on Bucky, and you can’t control yourself as your feet carry you to him like they had done so many times before. A worried gasp is leaving your lips as you pull at the lapels of Bucky’s jacket, your feet almost fail you, there’s blood, so much blood, your face pales. “What the fuck happened,” you whisper eyes looking from Steve, Sam and then finally landing on his.

“Should see the other guy,” he smirks, “missed you doll,” he murmurs.

You scoffed, “please Barnes, if this doesn’t kill you, I’ll do it myself, what were you thinking coming here like this I have James inside the house!” you growled.

“Now sweetheart -” he’s cut off by the sound of your front door slamming, your son’s voice squealing in delight, “DADDY!”

Your eyes widen in horror, your son had never seen his dad like this, “apply pressure to the wound” you hiss turning on your heel  to stop your son from getting any closer, but he’s too quick and before you can even get his name out in warning he’s stopping in front of his dad and uncles. He’s frozen, his head turns to look up at you slowly, “mommy, why is daddy bleeding?” he questions you, you can see his lip start to wobble his eyes glistening, a knot formed in your throat, this is what you wanted to avoid.

Your dropping to your knees to turn your little boy to face you, you need to divert his eyes from the blood soaking his shirt,  your hands reach up to cup his cheeks, “daddy’s bleeding because he got hurt baby he’s -”

“is daddy going to die?!” your son questioned cutting you off, his voice scared.

“oh baby no, daddy’s not going to die, it’s just a cut, like a booboo,” you tried to reassure, “uncle Steve and Sam brought him to mommy, and mommy’s going to take care of him.”

“You promise you’re going to make him all better?” he questioned eyes glistening, bottom lip trembling.

Your thumbs ran under his cheek, “I promise baby, he’s going to-”  

You were cut off by Steve’s frantic calls of Bucky’s name, you and your son looked up to see Bucky slouched over, face paler than when he had first arrived.

Your son looked over to you in fear, tears falling down his cheeks, “Mommy, what’s wrong with daddy,” he cried, “mommy please help daddy you promised, you promised you would make him better!” he screamed reaching for Bucky’s leg.

You held your son back while you shouted for Steve and Sam to get Bucky inside, and to your room. All the while attempting to soothe your thrashing five-year-old, the wails for his father tore at you. You scooped him into your arms, running with him towards the house as you tried to calm his tears. Sam greeted you in the living room reaching for your son, “ he’s in the room, Steve’s applying pressure, I'll watch the little guy.”

Your son kicked and screamed some more, “mommy no, please mommy,” he wailed as you pulled away from him, tears glistening In your own eyes, “please don’t let anything happen to daddy, please!”he said reaching towards you. You wanted to rush back and hold your son tightly while you whispered reassuring words into his ears, but right now you had a promise to keep, “daddy’s going to be okay baby, mommy promises daddy’s going to be okay,” you called back disappearing down the hallway into your room.

You entered the door shutting it behind you, your materials were already spread out on your night stand, you looked over to your bed, Steve hovering over Bucky, “i got the bleeding to stop but he’s not looking good y/n,” you nodded your head stiffly.

“I’ll take it from here Steve, just please go help Sam with James, please,” you whispered.

Steve gave you a stern nod before he was leaving Bucky’s side, you moved forward to take his spot. You made quick work of cutting open his shirt, you had no time to waist as your hands weaved between your nightstand and the wound on Buckys stomach, this was second nature to you, you had been doing this for years now, though this was the worse you had seen during your time at the club, the most you had ever seen was a small gash, but this was something new, even for you. By the time you were done with Bucky, you knew you’d need to get rid of the clothes on your skin, the sheets beneath his body, and likely get a new bed.

You were numb by the time you completed the last stitch, your skin was crawling as you looked down at the blood that covered your hands and your shirt. Making your way over to your bathroom you scrubbed frantically at the blood on your skin till it was red and raw. You slipped off your shirt dumping it in the trash-bin and slipping on another. You walked back over to Bucky checking on him, his breathing was even, and his color was returning ever so slowly. You went to push his hair from his face when soft knocks sounded on your door, you turned your head muttering a weak “come in”.

Steve peeked his head in giving you a small smile, before he was pushing in, the door behind him closing, “how is he?” he questioned.

You took in a shaky breath, “he did lose quite a bit of blood, but with enough rest and some food and water he’ll make a recovery, wouldn’t suggest moving him for a good day he’s going to be in for a hell of pain, so he can stay here, you and Sam as well if you’d like.”

Steve nodded, his eyes meeting your dazed ones, “thank you for helping us, for helping him, how are you doing?”

Who knew those words would  be the ones to break you, the first tear fell and after that it was like a dam had been destroyed, a month worth of tears and pain fell through. Sobs wracked your body, your hands coming up to your face to try and contain them. Steve rushed forward his arms wrapping tightly around you. “It’s been a month Steve, a fucking month of radio silence, and the day he shows up he’s halfway to being on deaths door,” you cried “it’s been a long and hellish month of hearing James beg to see his dad, hell to see any of you, he misses the club, and he can't quite understand why dads never home to play with him, tuck him in, have a movie night, it’s funny that when the lot of you decide to finally show up it’s because Natasha wasn’t available to keep this asshole from dying, it wasn’t because you wanted to see your nephew, it wasn’t because he finally decided he was choosing his family, no it’s because he was hurt and you had nobody else,” your mad now, angry hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you swat at Steves chest, “did you see that little boys face when you showed up, did you see how his eyes lit up to see his dad, did you even care to think how this might affect us you guys coming here after a month of nothing” you yelled, “you can’t even begin to imagine  how hard it is to raise that little boy on my own when all he wants is to see or spend time with his dad, he can feel his absence, I can feel his absence, and it's all because I asked him to cut back from the club a little, just a little, and what does he decide,” you shake your head, “he decides that he can’t do that, that his family isn't enough.”

“Y/n --”

You shook your head, “I don’t want to hear it Steve, if it’s not coming from his mouth,” you said pointing to your bed, “I don’t want to hear it.”

Steve tried to speak a confused look on his face but there was another knock on your door, this time Steve was the one to call them in. You had expected to see Sam and James, and you did but there was another head popping in behind them, you steeled yourself, your eyes watched as she went over to your bed, her hands running over the now bandaged wound, she looked up at you with worried eyes, “is he going to be okay?”

“he’ll be fine, he probably won’t wake for the rest of the evening but he’ll make it.”

You felt tapping at your legs to see your son looking up at you wide eyed, “did you fix him mommy, did you make daddy all better.”

You kneeled down smiling at your son, god he looked so much like his dad, “yeah baby mommy made daddy all better, he’s going to be okay,” you murmured.

Your son’s eyes lit up his arms throwing themselves around your neck, “I love you mommy, thank you for taking care of daddy like you take care of me”

“Love you too baby,” you whispered kissing the side of his head.

Your arms wrapped around your son as you hoisted him up, his arms still wrapped tightly around your neck, his cheek smushed to yours, “you guys are welcome to stay as long as you like, I'm going to go and feed this little guy and spend time with him before bed so if you don’t mind cleaning up I would appreciate it.” you murmured before you were stepping past Steve and Sam making your way out of your bedroom.

You didn’t see the three of them the rest of the evening, your sole attention on your son. James stayed glued to your side the rest of the evening, some part of him was always touching you, like he was grounding you to him,  whether it be his hand holding yours while you ate dinner in silence, his toes brushing yours where they were nestled deep in the sand  box, or his hands rubbing your cheek, his petite frame in your lap while you read to him in the comfort of his bed before bedtime.  

“Mommy can I spend time with daddy tomorrow?” he questioned quietly while you tucked him into bed.

“Only if he’s feeling better, if he is you can go spend some time with him in the room, daddy’s booboo is very painful so he won’t be able to play with you.” you murmured pushing his hair from his face. The same grey eyes you had fallen in love with where staring right at you  in the form of a new love.

“That’s okay, I can find another way to play with him, oh I know I can take him my blocks and a book and maybe some of my favorite toys that make me feel better when I got a booboo,” he replied cheerfully, his smile growing wider as he thought of all the things he could do with his dad, “i’ll make him feel all better like you did mommy!”

You smiled softly, “I bet you will baby, but right now mommy needs you to get some rest, and as soon as you wake up you can go see your dad,”

He grinned brightly before he was leaning forward placing a kiss to your lips, “goodnight mommy,”

You stood placing one last kiss to his head, “goodnight baby,” you whispered, turning off the light before making your way from the room leaving the door slightly cracked.

Looking towards your bedroom the room to your door was still shut, but a light shone at the bottom, you suspected the other three were still in there with him.

The events of the day finally caught up to you as you sat at your kitchen table a glass of water in front of you. Your form crumpled as you finally let the tears fall, hadn’t life given you enough pain when Bucky walked out the door, it seems it hadn't because now you had to witness the man you still loved almost die, and to hear the wails of your son crying out for the dad he missed dearly, well that just about did you in.  

“Bucky we barely even see you now, the only time we do is if I'm needed at the club and I have to bring James along,”

Bucky sighed, his lips set into a deep frown, “Y/n this club is our life, the club needs me now more than ever, especially with Rumlow sticking his nose in our business.” he muttered his hands scrubbing over his face.

“The club is not our life Buck, this,” you said gesturing around you “this is our life.”

Bucky looked up at you his face set in a cold glare, “what is it that you want y/n, you want me to just drop everything, to leave the club, to be home with you and our son?”

“Is that so bad to ask for?” you questioned in disbelief, “is me wanting you to spend a little more time with me and your son a bad thing?”

He sighed standing from the table, “i can’t do this right now, I don’t want to fight with you,”

“then when are we going to do this Bucky,” you asked, “because between the club and you plotting with Steve, Sam, and Natasha, we barely even see you, James is always asking for you, he’s always asking for you throughout the day.”

“I’m working to keep the club running, I’m working to keep this family safe,” he said turning on you eyes in a cold glare, “the club might not be important to you, but it is to me, why can’t you be like the others, why can’t you be like Natasha?”

The question knocked you off your feet, the green monster rearing its ugly head into you, “wha-” you paused gathering your jealousy fueled thoughts, “what do you mean be like Natasha?” you whispered.

“Natasha lives for the club, she fights to keep things right, she’s there.” he hissed.

“Buck-”

“No y/n I know what you’re asking, and I’m sorry but I can’t, the club needs me, they need me now more than ever, we’re close to getting the upper hand on Rumlow and I'm not risking him getting away again.”

“So that’s it, the club, catching Rumlow, all that means more to you than your family, than your son, than me?” you questioned your voice wavering.

“Yeah I guess so,” he muttered.

“Then I want out James, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be second choice, and neither can your son, it’s not right, I don’t want our son growing up around all this, we could handle it, but he’s beginning to understand everything, and I can’t raise him around the dangers that lurk.”

He scoffed before he was moving towards the door, “where are you going?” you questioned watching his retreating back.

He looked over his shoulder, “to Natasha’s,”

The jealousy reared into you again, “why?”

He glared at you, “because she’s there.”

That night that he left to Natasha’s you hadn’t seen or heard from him since, and it had only been harder when James started asking where daddy was. You hadn’t been too sure what to tell him, so you did the best you could and gave him the same short answer every time, with a promise that daddy would be home soon. Every day that passed James stopped asking less and less about his father, and when he was coming home. He knew something had changed, but he wasn’t sure what caused it, the day that he promised he would start being a good boy so daddy would come home broke you. Your son was blaming himself, and you didn’t know what to do or say to fix any of this.

The sound of feet walking down the hallway pulled you from your thoughts, you quickly wiped at your tears, fanning at your face. You looked to your side to see the Sam, Steve, Natasha. You gave them a nod before your eyes were going back to you glass. You heard the scrapes of the chairs next to you, you looked up their eyes trained on you.

“You okay?” Sam questioned.

You scoffed, you were so tired of that question, “does it look like I'm okay Sam, I already tore into Steve earlier, but maybe I'll feel the tiniest bit better if I give it another go,” you muttered. They looked at you confused didn’t say anything so you continued.

“I haven't heard from Bucky since he left a month ago, I also haven’t heard from any of you either, none of you called, texted or even showed up, and trust me I get it there’s things going on at the club so to some extent I understand,” you took a breath, “but you know what I can’t understand, is that it took Bucky being critically injured and Natasha not being available for you all to come by, you didn’t come by to see us, check on us, to spend time with James, no, you came because you had no other choice, so how do you think I'm feeling?” you hissed

“But y/n”

“But nothing Sam, the day Bucky left, I had asked Bucky to simply spend more time with me and his son, I never once asked him to give up the club, that's his life, but it wasn’t mine, not since we had James, and just like Bucky wanted to protect us, and keep us safe, that is why I chose to leave, James was beginning to understand the things he saw when I would bring him out with me, I couldn’t put my son through that, so I made that decision for my family,” you sucked in a breath, “when I told him my decision he decided that he didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to fight for us, but before he left he asked me why I couldn’t be like all of you, like Natasha, she was apparently more understanding, was there for him  when I wasn’t, but the only time he wanted me around the club is when he called for me,” you shook your head, “so I'm sorry if I'm not doing my best, but the day Bucky left, he didn’t just leave with his things, no, he took all of me with him, so excuse me if I'm not the welcoming committee you all were expecting but for a month I had to raise my son alone, my son who asked me every hour of everyday where his father was and if he was finally coming home today, and that continued for weeks till he just stopped asking, stopped expecting to see the bike pull up, the door open.”

“Y/n,” natasha spoke up, you looked up at her through tear filled eyes, “we had no idea, none of us knew, Bucky didn’t explain any of this to us, he never told us there was any issues going on at home”

“of course he wouldn’t,” you scoffed, “as soon as he entered the club, it was strictly club business, family and home was not supposed to be brought up.”

“no y/n, understand when we say none of us knew, there’d be times we would ride with him over here once we were finished up at the club, and he would pull just outside of the gates, till we were out of sight, we thought he was coming home to you.”

“well he wasn’t, how did you not know about this?” you questioned her, “that night he left he said he was going to you, because you were there, because you’ve always been there.” you muttered.

“y/n I can assure you Bucky did not come to me that night, Bucky hasn’t been to my home unless it was with one of these two,” she said gesturing to Sam and Steve.

“she’s right y/n,” Steve spoke up quietly, “we swear none of us knew this was happening, or that it was this bad.”

“yeah y/n, if Barnes wasn’t recovering, I would have knocked him on his ass.” Sam muttered, reaching out his hand to you, you looked at his palm skeptically before placing yours in his.

“But Steve when I spoke to you outside before the two of them got here you seemed like you knew,” you questioned confused.

“Bucky told us he had upset you pretty bad before he arrived at the club this morning, he said you weren't going to be too happy seeing us there, that you might not want to help, because of how bad he messed up, I tried telling him you couldn’t stay mad with him, much less with the fact that he was stabbed, but he kept holding off coming over here, I just thought you were extremely upset still, but I didn’t know it was because of all this so when you got upset with me in the room, I was surprised as well, but you wouldn’t let me get a word in.”

You shoulders sagged, “so none of you knew,” you whispered shakily.

Sam’s thumb ran over your hand, “we swear none of us knew, we would never let you go through something like this y/n you have to believe us.”

You knew you believed them, they were the closest thing to family that you had, you knew they wouldn’t lie to you, not like this. The only thing that was bothering you was the thought that Bucky was hiding something much bigger, bigger than all of you if he went to this extent. To say your night had been restless was an understatement. You barely slept a wink, you were more concerned with confronting Bucky, to get to the bottom of all this, you needed to know why he had done what he did.

Sam, Steve, and Natasha had stayed up with you as long as they could, they reassured you every second that your mind raced with the thoughts of “what ifs”. Eventually you sent them off to the two guest bedrooms despite their protests.

“guys really, go get some rest, there’s no point in me taking a bed I won’t be getting any sleep in, there’s just too much on my mind.”

After sending them off to bed, you remained on the couch, it wasn’t until the first rays of sun peeked through the curtains that sleep finally pulled you under, and even then, your dreams were plagued by your own thoughts.

The smell of coffee and the sizzling sounds of eggs pulled you from your restless sleep. Peeking your head over the couch you saw five bodies, in the kitchen, your son was seated on the counter closest to the stove his legs swinging happily as he watched his father cook, the other three sat at your table a cup of coffee in front of each of them as they watched your son,  you could sense an underlying tension in the room, had they confronted Bucky? Pulling yourself from the couch you let out a pained groan, your back screaming at you for sleeping on the too small couch, “Mommy, you’re awake!” your son squealed the second he had seen you.

You smiled at him softly making you way over to him, “good morning baby,” you whispered into his hair as you placed a kiss to his head. You bid the other’s one as well before your eyes were falling on Bucky, he gave you a tight-lipped smile a cup of coffee in his hand, “How are you feeling you questioned?”

“feeling more sore than anything, thank you for helping me out, but I think we need to talk, doll, or at least i have some explaining to do, and apologizing as well.”

You took the cup from his out stretched hand, your brow raised at him, “you think,” you muttered.

Wanting to enjoy a nice breakfast with your son, you dropped the subject for now, but you weren’t going to let him forget you needed to talk. You were relatively quiet during breakfast opting instead to enjoy your son’s joyous chatter as he told everyone surrounding him all he had done the month he had been apart from them. His laughter was contagious as was his bright smile, you almost forgot for a moment the storm looming over you. Once breakfast was finished and the dishes had been cleared, your son had asked if he could show his uncles and auntie Nat, his collection of toy cars you had recently purchased him. You nodded your head, smiling when an excited squeal sounded through the room, your son grabbing as many hands as he could.

The room fell into silence, the sound of a chair scraping against the tiled floor filled the room, you turned your head Bucky sitting in the chair closest to you.

“What are you hiding?” you questioned right off the bat.

A sigh left his lips, his head shook slightly, “there’s no easy way to explain any of this sweetheart.”

You glared at him, “well you better find a damn way too, because I deserve to know what the hell is going on with you.”

“It’s Rumlow,” the name made your breath catch in your throat, “we had underestimated him and how far he was willing to take things, we had stopped some of the business transactions he had been doing around our area and well he wasn’t too happy,” a deep sigh fell from his lips, “a few days after we had done that the first manila envelope showed up on the steps of the club, it was addressed to me,” he took a deep breath his hand that on the table was clenched into a fist, “there was pictures, they were of you and James, he threatened your life,” he growled his eyes boring into yours.

You froze at his words, “as soon as I saw the pictures of the two of you in there, I lost it, I didn’t know what to do sweetheart, he knew how much you two meant to me, and he knew that threatening to come after the two of you would throw me off,” he paused, “I had to do something, and I had to do it quick but I knew that if I did it right away you wouldn’t let me go so easily, so I had to plan it out, I had to slowly push you away from the club, only calling you when it was necessary, even coming home late, it pained me to do any of this sweetheart but that night that I told you I was keeping the two of you safe, I was really doing it.” You remained quiet wanting him to continue, “letters had still been showing up on the doorstep of the club, I thought by pushing you away little by little that they would stop but they didn’t, so I had to do it all together that night, I’m so sorry for what I put you through sweetheart, I would never intentionally hurt you or our son like this if I wasn’t trying my hardest to keep the two of you out of harm's way, I know it wasn’t the best way to go about things and you probably hate me for the hell I put you through, but I'm so sorry, i didnt think there was another way.”

You took in everything Bucky had just told you, you were frozen in your spot, “why didn’t you say anything, did the club know?” you questioned voice shaky.

“Nobody knew doll, I was always the first one to the club,” he sighed, “I didn’t want to worry anyone, I didn’t want them doing anything that would throw Rumlow off, from the photos I was receiving there was someone scouting the house, and I knew If I told the others they would be rushing over here doing what they could to protect the two of you,” he shook his head, “i felt helpless, and I thought by doing this it would help to protect the two of you, I've regretted it every day since.”

You took in a shaky breath, “and did it?” you questioned, “did you stop receiving threats”?

He nodded his head eyes casted down, you slumped in your seat, you didn’t know what to feel. You didn’t know whether to feel angry, sad, happy, scared, you just didn’t know, you were numb to it all, how do you take in the information that your husband had left you and your son a month ago to protect your life. You knew Bucky would go to whatever extent he needed to protect the two of you, but you would have never imagined it going this far, and that’s what worried you. How bad had this threat been to have him planning out weeks of pushing you away, to have him leaving you for a month, the way he did.

“Buck why couldn’t you just talk to me, why couldn’t you tell me what was going on?” you questioned looking up at him through tear filled eyes.

“I was scared doll, I didn’t want to involve you in this, especially with James and how you had been feeling about bringing him to the club, I imagined this only making matters worse, I just, I couldn’t put you through that,”

“Bucky we are in this together, you could have told me what was going on, and I would have understood what it was that you needed to do, you shouldn’t have had to do this alone.”

“sweetheart,” he sighed, “Rumlow is a dangerous man, he’s proved more times than none he will stop at nothing, and the second he threatened your life, I lost it, I wasn’t thinking rationally, all I knew was I needed to protect you and in that moment in time I hadn't cared how I did it, I didn’t think of the consequences, I didn’t think of the pain I would leave in my wake, I just wanted you safe,” Bucky’s hand reached out to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away at a tear, “I’m so sorry I put the two of you through this sweetheart, I thought I was doing right, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know how sorry I am, I know now I should have come to you, come to the guys about this, but I was just so fucking scared to lose you, that I did just that,”

“Bucky I-”  

Suddenly gunshots were breaking through the windows of the front of your home a scream tore through you, as glass continued to shatter around you. Bucky was quick to move as he flipped your table, yanking you down with him. You could hear the screams of your son, terror ran through you, you weren't thinking as you stood with a racing heart running through the kitchen “y/n no!” Bucky yelled over the gunfire; you didn’t make it far as Bucky jumped after you, both your bodies flying to the floor in the hallway, Bucky grunted his body crawling over yours. Tears were streaming down your face, as the gunfire continued to pour through your home, the sound of glass breaking and wood cracking filled your ears. You could still hear your sons screams a few feet away from the two of you, “Bucky,” you choked out.

He pulled you closer to him, your face pressed into his chest, time slowed for you as the rain of gunfire continued. You weren’t sure how long you laid there body pressed in terror against his before the gunfire finally ceased, the sounds of bikes loudly  racing away.

“You guys good?” Bucky yelled out.

“We’re all good,” Steve called out,  

“Sweetheart, you okay?”Bucky whispered looking down at you.

You pulled your head from his chest looking up at him, you nodded your head stiffly, “we’re going to get up slowly, and I want you to make your way to James room, you got that?” He questioned.

You didn’t give him an answer as you did what you were told, you were careful as you made your way over to your sons room only to find his bed flipped against the door. You leaned up peeking over it to see them in the farthest corners of his room.

“Mommy!” James cried as he pulled away from Steve’s hold, face red with tears streaming down his face. He ran into you his small arms wrapping around you holding on tightly as he cried into your legs.

You did your best to lean down hugging his tiny frame to you, “mommy,” he hiccupped, “daddy’s bleeding again,” you looked over to where Bucky leaned against the door, his bandaged wound stained in blood.

“Natasha do you think you can check him out please?” you whispered.

Natasha nodded beckoning Bucky closer, it was quiet for a few minutes, your son’s sniffles quieting the longer you held him.

Steve was the first to break the silence, “Buck is there something you want to tell us?”

Bucky stayed silent for a minute wincing when Natasha pierced the needle through his skin, a sigh left his lips before he was retelling the information he had just shared with you in the kitchen.

“goddamnit Buck, why didn’t you come to us earlier, we could have helped you with this, we could have avoided all this,” Steve grunted gesturing around your home.

“Fuck!” bucky hissed as Natasha finished the last stitch, “I know what you all would have done, rumlow already had eyes on the house, on my wife and kid, had I involved any of you, you all would have been in his radar too.”

“You didn’t have to go through this by yourself, we’re a team, a family, we would have figured something out with you, you didn’t need to do any of this.”

Bucky looked over to you, his eyes locking on you and your son, “I know that now,” he voiced quietly.

“Well we need to do something, we can’t let that asshole get away,” Sam piped in.

“We’re not doing anything till I get my family safe, and I know that they’re going to be safe,” Bucky grunted.

Bucky worked quick, he gave you a few hours to pack any salvageable belongings for you and James, you worked silently not lingering to long on things. Most of the rooms towards the front of the home had been destroyed with bullet holes, and your room just so happened to be in the front. You couldn’t help the various what ifs that popped up in your head, as you looked through your clothes, picking out ones that had no damage. Your mind kept racing; what if Bucky had still been in here when it happened, what if you had been in here, what if James had been outside playing, what if after what if played through your mind. You found yourself bracing your hands against your drawers as the tears took over.

“Sweetheart?” Bucky questioned softly from the doorway. You looked over to him, the second he saw your tear stained cheeks he was making his way over to you. You caved the second his arms wrapped around you, “I’m so sorry sweetheart, I’m so sorry I let it get this bad,” he murmured into your hair, pulling you closer the louder your cries got.  

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed you in a blur as Bucky worked on getting you and James somewhere safe Steve, and Natasha had gone to check the location where you would  you be moving too was ready for you, while sam was asked to go to the club and get some help in moving the two of you without anyone noticing. You had just finished packing the last of the things for the two of you when you head your sons small voice from his room, “are you not going to come with us daddy, are you still not going to come home?” From where you stood you were able to see your son sitting on the floor surrounded by his toys, Bucky kneeling in front of him.

Bucky took James face in his hand getting him to look up at him, “I won’t be home right away son, but I promise when daddy fixes all this mess that I'm coming home to you, and daddy will spend time with you every day when all this is over.”

“Will you be safe?” he questions in a timid voice, “I know mommy can’t go with you because she has to keep me safe, but will someone be there to keep you safe and fix your booboos, I don’t want anything to happen to you daddy,” he whispered lower lip trembling.

Bucky leaned forward to press his lips to your sons head, “I promise I'll be okay buddy, I’ll have someone watching my back.”

Your son nodded his head before he was looking back up at his dad, “when you come back home will you tell mommy sorry?” he questioned looking up at him with grey doe eyes, “mommy was really sad when you werent home daddy,”  

He smiled sadly, “I promise I'll tell her sorry every single day for the rest of my life when I get home,” his head turned towards you, eyes locked on yours, “I’ll also tell her I love her, and that I'll never hurt her ever again, because you and your mom mean more to me than I could ever put into words, I love you so much,”  though his words were spoken to your son, with the intensity his eyes held you knew the words were meant for you to hear.

It was nearing midnight when you finally arrived to your new home, pulling up to the stone gate, you watched Sam punch in a code, the gate swung open immediately, granting the car you were in, and the one behind you entrance. Just as quickly as it had opened it was also quick in closing, “Mommy is this our new home?” your son questioned from beside you.

“I’m not sure baby,” you murmured amazed at the vast expansion of land.

“I hope it is, it’s beautiful mommy, oh mommy look, a playground!” your son pointed out once you drew closer to the house. He was pressed against the window, his breath fogging up the glass, as soon as the car was in park your son was bolting out.

Before you exited the car, you turned to Sam, “I'm assuming you won’t be staying?” you questioned eyes meeting his in the mirror. He shook his head, “We got a lead on Rumlow and if we get moving tonight, we may be able to finish this sooner than later, Nat and Steve are already at the club waiting for us, they fixed up the place already for you guys.”

You nodded your head slowly looking back to your son to see Bucky had joined him your son squealing in delight as Bucky pushed him higher on the swing. You smiled at the sight, you loved seeing your son so happy, your heart clenched at the thought of what they were about to embark on. Your eyes met Sam’s again in the mirror, “Sam promise me you all will be safe, I need you all to come out of this unharmed,” you paused taking in a breath your eyes falling on Bucky, “ I need you to bring him back to us, James needs his dad, and I need him too, I can’t do this without him” Sam turned in his seat his eyes meeting yours, a warm smile on his face, “I promise, we’re bringing him back to you, and I can promise he’s never going to slip up again, not if any of us have a say in it,” he sighed, “that man loves you y/n, he loves you more than anything, even the club, so trust me when I say he’s going to come back to the two of you.”

You nodded your head your hand reaching out to touch Sam’s cheek, “please be safe Samuel, aside from Nat, I don’t think I'd be able to deal with all this chaos without you,” you smiled eyes tearing.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you alone with those two,” he chuckled, “now go, go talk to your man, we have to be getting ready soon, and I know if we stall any longer he’s never going to want to leave, not when he just got the two of you back.

Giving Sam one last smile you exited from the car making your way over to the Bucky, you son was giggling happily screaming at you to watch how high he could go. You hated to break your son’s happiness but you know Bucky needed to go.

“you’re going so high baby; say why don’t you and I go inside and check out the rest of the house?” you questioned.

Your son nodded frantically, slowing the swing down with his feet, he jumped from the swing bolting for the front door. Your son entered the home eyes widening, “mommy can I go look?” he questioned you from where you stood with Bucky in the doorway, “sure baby, but before you go, you need to tell daddy bye, he has to go already.” You watched him move forward just as Bucky kneeled his hands wrapping around his neck, “be safe daddy, and please come home, I promise I'll be good for you and mommy,” he said pulling back and placing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. Bucky grabbed his face in his hands, “I promise I’m coming home son, and when I do, me and you are going to spend a whole day out here on the swings, now go on and go look at your new room, I have to say goodbye to mommy before I leave.” Your son gave him one last squeeze before he was running into the house, his squeals of delight sounding through the house.

Bucky stood looking at you, “I’ll be back as soon as all this is over and we’ve taken care of Rumlow.”

You nodded your head, “Please be safe, we both need you to come home to us, I can’t do this without you.”

His hand came up to your cheek, “and I promise you won’t have to, I'll be home sooner than you think,” he assured his thumb running over your skin. Your feet moved your forward, your hands wrapping around him as you pushed yourself into him, though it was awkward Bucky still managed to wrap his arms around you. His lips pressed to your head, “I’m coming home to you and our son doll, and I promise, I won’t ever leave the two of you, ever again.”

You wanted to share those three words with him, the three words that you had longed to say for weeks, but you knew you would need to wait a little longer as Bucky was signaled it was time to go, he was out of time. You watched him walk away from you, you just hoped with every part of your being that this time he would be coming back to you. You watched the cars disappear down the darkened road, looking up to the sky you looked upon the glowing stars and wished.

Just like the first time Bucky had left, James had started to ask if his dad was coming home soon, it wasn’t like the first time, instead of every hour like he had before, now it was once daily every morning that he woke. One week quickly turned to two, and when you were rounding into the third week, you began to worry. There had been no word from anyone, no phone call, no text message, not even a visit since you had arrived to this home. Your mind and body had been restless, the morning of the beginning of week three began the same with James asking you over breakfast if daddy would be home today. You didn’t know what to say anymore, you didn’t want to offer him any broken promises because quite frankly you just didn’t know anymore. While you were tending to the dirty dishes James asked if he could go play outside on the swings for a bit, “of course sweetie, I’ll be out shortly just let me finish up here and I’ll join you, make sure you leave the door open just close the screen behind you,” you reminded him as his feet ran through the house. You went back to the dishes, you found this was the only way to keep your thoughts from running, if you do use solely on one task there was no way your mind could wander away from you.

You were on the last dish when you heard your son screaming for you. His screams of your name were incessant, you dropped the plate into the sink shutting off the water hurriedly as you ran through the living room, and out the door onto the porch. You looked over to your son who was still by the swings, then you saw the unknown car pulling up from a distance.

“James sweetheart run to mommy,” you called worried, “hurry!”

James looked at you with wide eyes and ran for you the fastest his little legs could carry him. The closer the car got the closer you pushed you and James to the door of the house. Your heart was thrumming away in your chest, “mommy I’m scared,” James called from behind your legs.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay mommy’s here,” you hushed.

You watched with baited breath as the car pulled to a stop, the black tint making it hard to see who was inside. You took another step back as the door was swung open, a foot peeked out first. You watched and waited, your heart raced eyes going wide as the person pulled themselves from the car.

“Daddy!” Your son squealed as he bolted past his hiding spot behind the back of your legs racing down the steps and into his fathers awaiting arms. Your legs wanted to give out on you, you held onto the doorway as you looked on at the sign in front of you, your eyes watering. You watched as Bucky lifted James into his arms, shutting the car door with his foot as he made his way over to you. You couldn’t tear your eyes away the closer he drew, until he was inches away from you. “Hey sweetheart,” he murmured a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

You didn’t think twice as you closed the distance between the two of you, your lips crashing into his, “ewwww,” your son squealed, “that’s gross!”

You smiled into the kiss before you were pulling away slightly, you hands came up to cup Bucky’s face in your hands, your fingers roamed the skin there, “you came home,” you whispered through a smile a tear falling from your eye.

Bucky’s finger reached up to wipe it away, “I made a promise doll,”

“Is everyone okay, is he-“ you sucked in a breath, “is he taken care of?”

“Everyone’s okay, no one got hurt,” he reassured, “yeah he was taken care of, we won’t be seeing him ever again.”

“So what’s going to happen now?” You questioned, “what about our home?”

Another smile pulled at Bucky’s lips as his arm wove around your back, pulling you and James closer to him, he placed a kiss to his sons head before he was looking down at you.

“We are home,”he stated, “home for me is wherever the two of your are.”

Another tear fell from your eyes as you leaned up to press your lips to his once more, “I love you,” you whispered into his lips.

“I love you too.”

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