#its not so bad! and i think what makes this a lil bit easier is that isat is monochrome

[ajdrawshq]

i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game

[aria0fgold]

Looking at the sketches I made with the fresh set of eyes of today and honestly... It's pretty good??? Like the direction and everything mainly, like whoaa... I might actually be able to do this lil project then.

[snekdood]

bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?

[willsimpforanyone]

what about a percabeth x reader kind of smut kind of hurt/comfort where the three are having a spicy moment (where annie and percy are doms, r is a sub) and r is gagged, but perce and annie start getting a lil too harsh and r is protesting through the gag and then just a bunch of comfort and fluff coming from beth and percy?? 🫶🏼

i can definitely do this and i will remember this time that its percABETH c'mon brain don't bluescreen this

WARNING! the reader is in distress in a sexual situation for the first couple paragraphs but percy and annabeth immediately stop once they realise, and there is no actual smut

-----------------------------------

It's getting to a point where I'm not having as much fun as I think I should be.

I'd wanted this, I wanted to be restrained and gagged and all that, I'd asked for it, quite literally. But it was feeling... not as good as I'd hoped.

My wrists hurt in a bad way and my jaw aches from the gag in my mouth. I can't concentrate on what Percy or Annabeth are doing I'm so distracted by the now-unwanted sensory feelings.

Annabeth slaps my thigh and I make a noise of genuine pain that stops both of them in their tracks. I blink up at them, glassy-eyed and spitting muffled words through the gag. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm not having fun, this isn't what I want anymore.

They glance at each other, clearly trying to understand what happened, until Annabeth snaps into action. She snaps her fingers at Percy and points to the door. "Go, water and snacks, now."

Percy does as he's told, rushing out the room. With gentle fingers, Annabeth undoes the gag from behind my head and eases it out of my mouth with a worried, tender look.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?" She asks softly, grey eyes wide and careful.

I'm panting slightly and tears well up in my eyes, shaking my head.

It visibly looks like her heart breaks, but she focuses on untying my wrists and ankles. I curl up my slightly aching limbs, sitting up from the bed and wrapping my arms around myself.

"Can I touch you?" Annabeth asks, voice soft and slightly wobbly as if she's on the verge of tears.

I nod my head vigorously, reaching out for her and she falls onto the bed with me, gathering me up in her arms as best she can. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, pressing her lips against my head.

Percy returned with about 6 bottles of water and the entire snack basket from the kitchen. Despite myself, I laugh hoarsely. "How many people do you think are in this room?"

"I panicked!" He dumped the water and snacks onto the bed, clambering over to me and Annabeth. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Taking a deep breath, I rub a hand over my face. "I'm... I'm okay, just... it got a bit much, y'know?"

Percy takes one of my hands, kissing my knuckles affectionately and smoothing his fingers over the skin of my wrists. "Was it something we did?"

Annabeth's arms tighten protectively around me, and I feel her lips pout against my cheek. I rest my other hand on her leg, trying to be reassuring. "You didn't do anything I didn't initially want you to do, I just no longer wanted to do it," I explain quietly, looking between the two. "I'm sorry, it just felt wrong, it wasn't what I wanted anymore."

The response is a pair of shaking heads and Percy opening one of the bottles of water. "No, don't apologise," Annabeth whispers, somehow trying to get even closer to me. "Don't you dare, you did so well, telling us you wanted to stop."

Percy hands me the water, laughing slightly as he eases Annabeth's hands away from me for a moment so I can actually drink the water. "Maybe next time we either do the restraints or the gag, so it'll be easier for you to communicate?"

I pout- when I asked for both, I'd meant it, and I don't like the idea of never doing it again. Percy raises his eyebrow, looking serious for a moment. "Don't give me that look, we're going to have a conversation and come up with a solution that is good for everyone."

Annabeth reaches for a bag of crisps, opening them for me and setting them in my lap. "Drink the water, eat the snacks, all of it, I'm going to start a bath." She gestures to Percy, and they high five. "Tag in for me."

They change positions, Annabeth heading to the bathroom and Percy snuggling up to me, kissing my cheeks. "Hey, you," he hums, stroking up and down my arms. "You feeling better?"

I nod, leaning into him and popping crisps into my mouth. "Mhm, I appreciate having my limbs back."

He laughs, squeezing my middle slightly. "Limbs are good, glad you're feeling okay."

"Thank you for stopping," I say quietly, kissing his cheek warmly.

"Always," he replies, tilting my head to kiss me sweetly. "Always, baby."

--------------------------------------

thank you for requesting, hope you liked it!

[flipphone01st]

PLEASE write the mafia 141 idea you posted🥺I'm in love with the idea so much already!!!

Mafia 141/Bartender reader- Part one

Johnny🧼

Mostly Johnny/reader in this fic, because ive decided to split this up into different parts that will focus on different characters Like part 2 could focus of Gaz/reader.

Warning: not proof read, bad joke, swearing, alcohol and smoking, Johnny is a lil shit, and pushy, poorly written accents, (if I forgot anything that could have a warning let me know )

this is literally my first time actually writing a full fic so it's probably mediocre, FEEDBACK AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. Other then that I hope you enjoy :)

Stupid uncle, stupid debt, stupid bar. You hated this, but you suppose its your own fault. If only you had just closed the door when your uncle showed up at your door begging for help because he had gained massive debt to one of the most infamous crime bosses in the city... Johnathan Price...if only you had just said no and didn't drive your ass down to Price's club and demand to speak with him, didn't try and bargain for your uncle...maybe then you wouldn't be forced to work for the bastard...

Two hours...thats how much longer you'd have to spend standing behind this bar. You swear to god, if other drunk yells at you you'll shove a jigger down their throat, and your 'coworkers', if you could even call them that, weren't making your life easier. If anything they were hellbent on making it worse. "Yer lookin' a bit peely wally." Johnny chuckles while cleaning a margarita glass, it was just him today, said Kyle was off doing something for Price, you didn't want to ask what.

You glance up at him, eyes narrowing in confusion and slight annoyance "..huh?"

"Means you look like shite." He clarifies.

You sigh and stand up, nudging an empty box away with your foot "thanks... asshole." You grumble. He chuckles and raises his hands in mock surrender, "Awe come on, I'm just funnin' with ya. You look fine, a wee bit red in the face, but that's it." He grins, you didn't hate him, he could actually be quite hilarious sometimes... sometimes...You roll your eyes. He laughs and takes out a cigarette, lighting it up. "Ya want one?" He offers.

"no...I thought price didn't like us smoking around the drinks.."

"Aye, he doesn't." He shrugs, taking a drag of his cigarette. "but what ol Pricey doesn't know won't kill em."

"mm.." your nose scrunches in disgust at the smell. you take a small step away, not wanting the smoke to settle on your clothes. He blows smoke out the side of his mouth, away from you "yer no fun ya know that?" You scoff, "pft..I can be fun.", while crossing your arms, and leaning back against the bar with your lips shaped into a slightly grumpy pout. "Oh?" He chuckles again, leaning back against the bar himself "can ya? Let's see, tell me a joke."

you think long and hard "uuuuuuuuuuuh..ok I got one. What do you call a fake noodle?" Johnny squints his eyes "...what?"

"....an impasta..."

"..."

"..." You're both silent, completely silent.... just staring at each other...

"..." Johnny sighs "that joke was dogshite."

Your shoulders slump forward in defeat "I know." He chuckles, "Well at least yer aware." before taking another drag of his cigarette. before looking at you with the most smug grin you've ever seen "but that also just proved my point...yer no fun, pipsqueak."

"Pipsqueak?" You raise an eyebrow as your eyes narrow

"Yeah, you heard me. Yer a wee'un." He teased, god you wanted to whip that stupid grin off his equally stupid face. "you're not even that much taller than me."

"I'm seven inches taller than you." He points out.

"...nuh uh.."

"Fuck ya mean, nuh uh?" His eyebrows furrowed as he tries not to laugh, on the other hand, your brows furrow in annoyance. "I mean, nuh uh."

Johnny chuckles, and places his hand on top of your head. He then leans down, the tip of his nose almost brushing yours "dena it alllll ya want..." His eyes were locked with yours, the faint smell of cigarette smoke almost making you recoil in disgust. he leans even closer, you try and lean back but you're stopped by the bar. "...yer still a pipsqueak!" then ruffles your hair aggressively.

You slap his hand away, glaring at him while fixing your hair. "Jerk! Don't do that again." you grumble, and to make matters even worse, you feel your cheeks heat up a bit. "Awe, someone's all hot and flustered now." He smirks, giving you a small jab with his elbow "c'mon now, I was just joking around, relax."

You groan softly and roll your eyes, pushing him away and walking to the other side of the bar, trying to find anything that you could use to ignore him. Johnny grins, quickly putting out his cigarette and following after you "see! that's exactly what I'm talking about. Such a grump...don't tell me yer so boring that ya don't even like a bit of harmless flirting?"

"go away, Johnny." You don't look up from the drink you were pouring for a costumer "Aww, c'mon. I'm just tryna lift yer spirits." He wraps his arm around your shoulder "you like me don't ya?" He grins, not expecting a positive answer.

Your eyes widen and you move out from under his arm "no." Was your immediate response, your voice stern. Johnny grins wider and moves to stand right in front of you, leaning right up and practically invading your personal space. "Don't lie to me now. I bet ya daydream about me, don't ya? About all of us? Me and the lads, hm?"

Your face goes red "what?" He grins, almost deviously "you think I haven't noticed the way ya seem to float off into lala land while staring at me or Kyle work? When Simon's gotta rough up some jackass? Or even when price is literally just in the room with ya? Don't try to dena it, pipsqueak...just can't keep us all out of yer fantasies eh?" His hands slide their way onto your hips, he didn't seem to care about the bar patrons laughing and ooing, some even getting annoyed that the two bartenders were flirting with each other instead of enabling their alcohol addiction.

Your brain felt like it was short circuiting, it had become uncomfortably warm. If you were a truther..you'd admit that despite hating these four men...they were kinda hot. But you're a god damn liar and you'll be one till the day you die! "i-i!..no..no way!.. you're crazy! There's no way in hell id ever like any of you like...that.."

"Mm...sure... I'm definitely crazy." He leans even closer, his voice a whisper as he presses his body into you, the two of you basically chest to chest "...crazy about you." He leans down to try and steal a kiss, you're eyes widen comically large but thankfully before you could even react the gruff voice of Simon makes Johnny freeze just before his lips could graze yours "That's enough, you two 'er supposed to be workin, not swapping spit." He glares at Johnny, you didn't notice it but there was a slight hint of jealousy in his dark eyes... you didn't notice, but Johnny sure as hell did.

Johnny quickly backs up from you, and then looks at Simon with a smug grin on his face "Jeez... Yer no fun either, Si. We were just messin' around." Simon stares him down, not breaking eye contact with Johnny for a good two minutes, until finally letting out a deep sigh "just keep it outside of work..." then glances at you, "Price said you're free to go for today.."

You nod "uh..thank you." You awkwardly stutter, still trying to process what just happened and understand how it made you feel... were you embarrassed? Very. Were you necessarily uncomfortable?... strangely enough...no, you weren't uncomfortable. Simon nods then walks off into his little office behind the bar, Johnny watches him go, then his gaze wanders back over to you "Sooo, ya gonna head off then?"

"yeah.." you answer, somewhat shyly. Johnny nods, a quick look of disappointment on his face before he masks it with a smile "alright, then...have a good night, pipsqueak." He shrugs playfully, and begins walking off to serve a poor bastard that had been trying to order a drink for the past five minutes. ".. you too, Johnny.." you mutter while walking out from behind the bar to towards the break room to get your stuff and finally leave....what a weird ass day...

END OF PART ONE. Please let me know what you thought

[rene-darling]

overstimming virgin xiao w a handjob !! he’s crying n whining cuz it feels so good <33

OVERSTIMMING- virgin xiao with a hand job♡︎

This all feels so new to xiao! His tummy starts feeling weird the more you rub his pink tip "ah!- i-it feels w-weird! M-my tummy feels wei-..rd..n-no stOP" you can't help but be amused at his little antics.."oh your tummy feels weird..haha don't worry about it my dear alatus"

"N-no~ don't call me th-thaT" he couldn't help sounding so whiny while getting pleasured like this for the first time!

He's getting closer and closer you can feel it in the way his hips starts slightly shaking while he bucks into your hand

"I-IT feels weirder- Ah!" He came undone on the spot when you spat on his cute Lil dick ropes of pearly white liquid shot out of his coak coating your hand and his stomach white

You knew adepti bodies work differently from humans but you were sure none of your past partners have ever come this much before in one go!

Thinking about this you almost forgot about the fact that he came...without permission- now this was xiao's first time getting a hand job so you weren't really mad about that...you just wanted a reason for what you did next.

Thick Blobs of his cum coated his dick making it a lot easier than before to rub his dick "wh-what no..!no!no!no s-stoP" xiao whined louder than before, he wasn't expecting your attack on his dick so he did have enough time to prepare himself..not fair!

You rubbed his poor swollen dick in a fast pace "alatus. You know you have to ask permission to cum. Right, how are you gonna be my good boy if you can't even follow some simple rules huh."

"N-no NO i-... I'm your good boyy s-saY I'm your go- od boy!" Xiao was your good boy! He couldn't bear hearing that he wasn't! After a few seconds, you started hearing soft sniffles From your xiao which for some reason turned you on even more so you started pressing harder and rubbing faster

Because of the onslot on his little dick xiao couldn't stop the tears from flowing from his puffy eyes..

Those some turned into even bigger blobs of tears as he was getting even closer! "Pl-pleASe..tell m-me 'hic' i-im your go- go...good boy..right?..righs..ri-" you couldn't make out much of the sentence only bits and pieces..and of course him begging you to call him your good boy

"Xiao, ..alatus,,my good boy"

With just that one line his back arched even higher as he started full on sobbing and crying!..soon he came undone once more.. This time with much more force! If you didn't know any better you would have assumed that some of his cum reached the ceiling you knew adepti had different bodily functions but archons did he arrive!

You could hear his ragged breath,,almost making you feel bad for what you were about to say.."xiao. We're gonna keep doing this until you learn how to ask for permission"

You were sure any guests under or above you wouldn't be able to sleep at tonight with xiaos loud crying.

!Bonus¡

After Xiao comes back to his senses he ignores you the whole day!..why? Because of you his ass hurts everytime he tries to slay demons! Or even sit!!

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐊-𝒕𝒊𝒑 «if you make him some almond tofu he'll let you fuck him againᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ»

A/N...IM SRRY IF THIS IS TOO SHORT OR NOT WHAT YOU WANTED! I HAD TO WRITE THIS 2 TIMES BECAUSE TUMBLR DELETED IT THE FIRST TIME!(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ AND ITS 5AM ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[critterbitter]

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your comic making process? I find it hard to make comics that look eye-pleasing to read and yours are like candy.

Ah, comics! Dig under cut to see some old wips as I attempt to explain my nightmare thought process to you.

For making a comic AESTHETIC and APPROACHABLE:

I've noticed that it's easier for people to be pulled into a comic if I set the environment first and foremost, so people have some vague context for the scene. Of COURSE that's not always necessary ( there are a lot of comics that start out without environmental story telling and it works perfectly) but I've always liked having a lil illustration before digging my rat claws into the meat of the story.

For example! “Emmet and Elesa have a clandestine meeting in the library at 4 am.”

The sketch was sort of the jumping point to where I wanted to go with the comic. I wanted to a. explain wtf is happening and b. draw a nice conclusion about what the f is happening.

You don't need to make the environment available in every panel too! I'd suggest making your first panel tell all the environment detail you need and then like... slowly removing irrelevant detail from there. And then hit folks with the background again at the end. (So basically, you don't see the library in this comic until the beginning and a bit towards the end. I have tricked you! aha!) So that's one tip i have. For Readability: Anyways, to make a comic easy to read, spacing is super important. Dialogue tends to cramp a shot by a WHOLE lot. For example! Remember the "Lamp is told she's beloved (and has a tsundere moment over it"? That used to be TWO panels. Man. Nightmare fuel. Lemme find it. (This is the rough. I Lined It, realized the pacing is off, and then withered. Please don't look at it too hard.)

So here's the thing. This READS. But the sheer amount of dialogue in the beginning is fatiguing for me and the "you are beloved, Lampent" NEEDS that oomph of both characters realizing that over the span of years, their relationship stopped being antagonistic and started being family instead. Some folks are fine with blocks of dialogue, but I have the attention span of a patrat on candy. I will not make it. SO! To match the almost moody atmosphere, I stretched the comic out. I stretched that bad boy out a LOT. And I got this out of it.

Something to keep in mind in comics is there's always going to be one or two iconic lines. Lines that make people FEEL things. Those lines deserve their own panel, their own shot, their whatever. A good story has lulls in its conversation. If you can replicate it, you're winning. Character Blocking:

So basically no, it's not all witchcraft. It's only a bit of witchcraft. Another thing that helps is differentiating characters if they're on the same panel is by solid blocks of color. I have, for the longest time when working on storyboards, blocked characters different tones in order to help differentiate them. Don't be shy! Do that if it helps your comics read! Ingo will always be darker shaded then emmet. The angry nightlight will always have some hint of purple on her (unless I forget). The first goal in a story is to convey information, hehe. Here's an example of color blocking! (This is from a VERY old botw comic I did for linktober in 2021.)

It's, ah, rather rustic compared to what I do. usually. I know! BUT the primary goal here is to convey where the characters are in relation to each other. And the fact they're color coded makes life easier for both reader and artist. Alright! That's all the tips I can think of off the top of my head. Time to get off that soap box, haha. Overall: Basically, my work process is-- draw a story telling image/ write a funny piece of dialogue. Build the comic around that. Pace it so the important lines stand out. Color code the characters for max visibility. And then four to twelve hours of lineart, but that's neither here or there.

Thanks for coming to my unregulated rambling!

[kcrossvine-art]

Heya folks n friends! Today on our LotR cooking series, we're going to be making something inspired by Mrs. Maggot, wife of Farmer Maggot. Originally we were going to do a cream of mushroom soup, but the idea of adding meat as a cheeky lil joke on their last names was too good to pass up. In my mind meat goes better with thin soups than creamy ones.

And thus Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew was born.

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew?” YOU MIGHT ASKFor the stew portion itself we're going to be using a hearty base, aiming for a layering of flavors. If you feel comfortable making a roux, feel free to do so, but I did not due to energy levels and thus the flour in this recipe is only used for searing the meat before its added to the pot.

Cubed beef

Flour

Peanut oil

Beef stock

Dried porcini mushrooms

Carrots, chopped

Onion, diced

Garlic, crushed

Scallion, chopped

Bay leaf

Salt and pepper

Ground red pepper

Cumin

Zatarins gumbo file

For the other mushrooms, were going to cook them separate and throw them in at the end (but they'll have friends to keep them company!!).

Cremini mushrooms, sliced

Half an onion

Carrots

Garlic

Salt and pepper

Thyme

Olive oil

This took about 4 hours in total. If you have a slow cooker itd probably be easier to use that, but as is isn't too bad either. I mostly worked on commission stuff in the kitchen in-between stirring. "The best food is the one you don't have to make, the second best food is the one you don't have to think while making."

AND, “what does Mrs. Maggots Meat 'N Mush Stew taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

HOT HOT HOT

Tastes like walking from the cold into the cramped but cozy bar your friend works at

Meat was so tender and juicy, melts in your mouth. Makes you cry

It wanst actually carmelization but the onions had a hint of tasting caramelized

Mushrooms- a strong umami flavor with a bit of smokeyness

Once you get that Perfect level of gumbo file, it just makes every other element stick out more

Like an energy booster for the ingredients

A spotlight on the bay leaf, and oils, and spices

. If you don't want to use beef, feel free to use vegetable stock instead and replace the cubes with strips of king oyster mushrooms. Exclude the flour but still cook them in the pan. . this isnt officially part of the recipe since im not sure itd be 'on theme', but feel free to start your rice cooker around the 3 hour mark so you can have some hot rice ready for serving as filler.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I was looking through food and food mentions in LotR, Mrs.Maggot just stook out to me. 'Queen amongst farmers wives' is both really sweet and a fuckin killer description. What a legend. I wanted to do something based on her and our two options were either beer, bacon or raw mushrooms. Beer while very appealing is also not something you can whip up in a day, while raw mushrooms have a chance of killing my beloved readers. I don't want to talk about me and bacons sordid past.

And so as praise to this funky farmer women, may you add this stew to your collection of potpie, lasagna, and roast recipes.

Did i mention i started my first grease fire when making this? Yeah. Don't cover any empty greased pan even if your intent is to keep water from splashing into it.

Anyway, this recipe is a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) The partner has already made me pledge to cook it again hehehe

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 lbs cubed beef

A little bit of flour to 'tumble' the meat in, in a bowl

Peanut oil to sear the beef, as needed

3 kilograms beef stock

28g dried porcini mushrooms

4 carrots, chopped

1 white onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, crushed

1 scallion branch, chopped

Salt and pepper to taste

Ground red pepper to taste

Cumin to taste

3 bay leafs

A pinch of Zatarins gumbo file

Ingredients… . . TWO:

1 lb cremini mushrooms

Half of a white onion, diced

1 carrot, chopped

2 cloves garlic, crushed

Salt, pepper, and thyme to taste

Olive oil as needed to pan-fry

Method:

Put the porcini mushrooms into a bowl, add enough warm water to cover. Give them roughly 20 minutes, or until softened and the waters turned color.

Cut the carrots, onion, and garlic.

Get a large pot with a lid, pour in your stock (or water and bouillon cubes). Pour in the porcinis and the mushroom water. Turn the burner to medium-high.

Add your bay leaves, carrots, onion, and garlic to the pot. Add extra salt if you'd like.

Tenderize and cut your beef into roughly 1 inch cubes.

In a small bowl, pour a handful of flour along with pepper, cumin, and ground red pepper. Mix until combined.

Lightly toss each cube of beef in the mixture, get a little coverage on each side.

Heat a frying pan to medium heat and add peanut oil. If using an electric stovetop it will take time to heat up.

Add some of your beef cubes to the pan, don't overcrowd it. Flip to check sides are a light brown with dark brown edges, its good for some pink/red to poke through.

Add beef cubes to the pot when done, careful of splashing.

Keep doing this in batches until all beef cubes are added. 

 Once the pot has reached a simmer, turn the heat down a few notches and cover.

Set a timer for 4 hours. Taste test every so often. Aim to stir the pot every 10-15 minutes.

(You can do steps 14-21 immediately or optionally wait a bit)

 Rinse and dry your cremini mushrooms.

Slice them vertically. Cut the carrots, onion, and garlic.

In a frying pan on medium-low heat, add olive oil, carrots, and onion. Keep the vegetables moving! When they start to change texture, add your cremini mushrooms.

Bring the pan up to medium heat. 

Once your mushrooms have cooked off the liquid inside, theyll start turning a deeper brown. Add the garlic. Keep! the! vegetables! Moving!

If the pan gets overcrowded, take some out and set it aside in a bowl. Smaller batches.

This process took roughly 15 minutes, but youll know its done once everything has a nice sear on it and the garlic is brown but not burnt. Add salt, pepper, and thyme to taste.

Set everything aside in a bowl.

Once the 4 hours are up the meat should be cooked all the way through and tender enough to pull apart. Strain the bay leaves out. Cut and add scallions. Add the bowl with cremini mushrooms.

Add a pinch of gumbo file to start, stir and taste test.

[darlinguistics]

'its just IMPOSSIBLE to not be addicted to your phone nowadays its UNREALISTIC-'

heres some advice to being less chronically online. for gen z (and younger??) who dont even know how to start thinking about it and have only heard shitty advice from older adults who just genuinely do not get it, from a fellow gen z and my experiences so far.

*these are personal and may not all 100% resonate but its still good prompting to start thinking about things! PLEASE feel free to add your own stories/advice in the notes! support your fellow humans, dont gatekeep what youve learned, lets have these conversations! and no negativity/pessimism please <3

first thing is to make it a less scary thought, a more concrete idea and not a hypothetical. it doesnt have to be all-or-nothing, cold turkey, a huge announcement and a fundamental shift in your personality. the internet will be in your life for the rest of your life, this is an ongoing relationship you are trying to make healthier thats all! and it takes one step at a time and some self-compassion, but a true effort nonetheless. 'dont you think thats a bit too serious-' if youre my age you quite literally grew up and developed online, it is literally part of your psyche the way your childhood is, it IS serious, you deserve to treat it seriously.

dont save your login info/dont stay logged in for social media accounts, having to manually log in when you want to go on like youre on some elementary school chrome book is a really healthy and clear boundary to have between being logged off and logged on.

-> bigger challenge - uninstall it on your phone in general, only log on on your laptop/pc if applicable for you!

if youre motivated to, try to work on your posture too. i only say that because most of our bad posture is at least partially related to being on our phones a lot, and when i started wanting to fix my posture, completely separately and unrelated from trying to break my phone addiction, it made it easier to lose interest in my phone since i didnt want to ruin my progress with my posture. it made me start to have a mindset like 'well if you cant do this on your phone with good posture then dont do it' and 'if youre on your phone so long your posture starts to cave in, youve probably spent too long on your phone anyway'

listen to music more. its easier for me to kinda write off my phone and do other things if i just open music or a podcast or long youtube video on it. i know we all love long video essays, but i recommend music more specifically for me at least because im less inclined to pause music or scroll while listening to it for some reason? whereas using a show or video or podcast for white noise, im way more likely to also be scrolling on my phone and that is my activity lol. music for some reason i dont want to interrupt and instead of being on my phone i can clean or do something productive on my computer etc

this one is sooo hard but try to fall asleep with some distance between you and your phone, even just a couple feet. mine stays on the desk next to my bed which isnt that far but its better than on bed like it used to be. when you wake up you probably wont feel like reaching for it right away if its far and even better if you have to get up for it because then at least you stand and move your body first thing instead of looking at your phone first thing. and try to get more and more of your morning routine done before touching your phone over time.

-> for me, i started by just trying to at least wake up a bit in bed before touching it, then stand up before touching it, then stand and stretch, then going to the bathroom first, making coffee first, feeding the cat first, etc. its surprisingly helpful to have a specific chore/task in mind that is The requirement so that everytime you do it you get a lil dopamine rush for unlocking your phone from yourself lmao. when the weather was nice i used to make my Requirement being outside first before going on it and i LOVED that. esp as it got easier and i started doing more and more before going on it and finally walking outside with coffee and my phone felt like such a pleasant little reward.

find a hobby that uses your hands. example: i really need to get back into knitting because when i did it regularly so much time that wouldve been on my phone was spent knitting with music/podcasts/shows/(even online lectures! when i felt productive lol) playing. its the same amount of physical relaxing - barely moving lol - but uses a longer attention span and a much better dopamine hit than scrolling, i literally MADE things.

-> you might be thinking, 'but mindless knitting isnt better than mindless scrolling is it?' but that mindless feeling on your phone is just that, mindless. the mindless feeling you get when doing something like knitting is actually closer to a flow state, which is actually incredibly good for you, like a fulfilling nutritious meal as opposed to 'empty calories' or whatever

get a widget for your homescreen that shows your screen time. i have one and of course it doesnt always stop me but seeing that time go up all day the more i use it and the pride of keeping it low is really helpful

practice grounding. in general.

spend more time on anonymous activities and have more privacy and less attachment with your 'persona' - what i mean by that is, i consider things like scrolling through tumblr (for me personally!) to be relatively harmless because i dont try to like,, brand myself here. if youre a tumblr regular you know the jokes - 0 follows, 0 notes, screaming to the void, moots you dont talk to, blorbo pfp and urls, fake names everywhere, and we're having fun! basically targeting the 'everyone is famous now' thing with this one - embrace being a nobody with no personal stakes here

-> personally ive never kept up with having social media accounts that are actually just, me irl - like a facebook or main instagram, like a locals account yknow? but i think it goes for that too - stop spending so much time trying to further personalize your online presence in the hopes of it representing you perfectly - because it never will, and it shouldnt, and you shouldnt aspire for that. your social media presence is lighthearted and incredibly surface-level, treat it like that! thats not me bashing social media either, having that mindset will make it more enjoyable bc youll be using it as it should be used!

do following/followers or camera roll/files or app purges. this is also a soft launch type of way to practice easing into a better mindset. aside from just literally getting rid of junk, the process of trying to judge whether or not you need something is good practice in mindfulness! even if you dont delete everything you feel like you maybe should, thats fine, youll do other purges in the future too. eventually youll get better at parting with things and realizing when things that feel good in a moment are actually bad for you. and it forces you to regularly check in on your more long-lasting parasocial relationships online and how theyre serving you or not

speaking of parasocial - for actual friends, if theyre irl, think about how much you interact with them online vs in person and why you think that is and how it affects you. maybe youll wanna see them more irl if possible (i promise its better for your friendship), maybe youll realize you dont need to keep tabs on them anymore (old high school acquaintances lookin at you). for celebrities and fandom things - try to think about the bare minimum content from them you could do with. you dont have to unstan all your faves and stop enjoying things - but do you need their notifications on? do you need to have a stan account? do you need them on all the platforms? do you need to have all that saved content of them? are there aspects of this that you love that could be found elsewhere?

if youre of the genre of online where you just cant help yourself from getting involved in big discussions or discourse and arguments - i recommend journaling when you get upset by something online, articulating your feelings without the idea of someone ever reading it and without the goal of 'winning' or being the most correct and logical or even the most sympathetic and morally good. take away every audience aspect of it. what is this really about for you, and why would strangers online deserve to hear your personal well-thought out opinions? why would your thoughts deserve to be simplified and misconstrued and underappreciated the way they would be in this discussion? is there even an outcome to this where you feel truly satisfied? are their people who are more worthy of hearing your thoughts who arent part of this audience? is this a conversation that is best held online where so much communicative nuance is inevitably sacrificed?

in the end these are all just practices in remembering how in control you are. and that goes for if any of these are scary or too difficult sounding too! these all become less scary if you remember that as soon as anything becomes too uncomfortable or painful, you have all the power to stop doing it, make a change, and try again later. so much of advice for quitting bad habits can be intimidating because the pressure and the shame that would come from failing scares you out of the possible benefits of trying - just go ahead and kill that shame from the jump. of course youre going to fail! you are going to have setbacks! thats part of it! you have agency in this, always. the internet is not inherently or completely evil nor good. build trust in yourself to make the calls on when it is serving you and when it isnt on a case-by-case basis, and then give yourself permission to learn through trial and error.

and remember you are worth all of this effort. i believe in us <3

[hydeingpurples]

Hey man! I always love hearing about others’ transition. I’m a trans guy myself who is just now identifying that way very recently and is navigating getting ready to start T and top surgery whenever I’m able as I am saving up. I’d love to hear about your journey and where you are now. 😊

🏳️‍⚧️ Testosterone and Top Surgery 🏳️‍⚧️ (UK) : Discovering Myself, Hormones, Top surgery, Where I Am Now

Hey buddy! I'm more than happy to tell my story so far. I'll pack as much into this post as I can, as it may be helpful to others too, so it may be a bit long, but I'll do it in sections 😊

🕵🏻 Discovering Myself 🧐

This bit was tough. I think it is for a lot of us. I knew deep down for several years that I wasn't a girl. I was terrified of the thoughts that were buzzing around my head, terrified of the things I was feeling. I buried it so deep. At university, I started to let go a bit. Friends around me came out as non-binary and trans, I figured it wasn't so bad. I experimented with pronouns and identities, and eventually I admitted to myself that I was just a guy. I came out to my family aged 21 by letter and it went really well.

Things were still a bit scary though. Trying a binder on for the first time was both exciting and daunting. It felt so freeing and right, but scary too because it meant that, maybe, I needed to get rid of my chest.

💊 Hormones 💉

Over time, the dysphoria got worse and worse. I was becoming extremely jealous of my best friend who was on testosterone (T) and features that other men had that I didn't. I struggled most with my period. At its worst, I spent hours in my flat toilet and the toilets at work crying and withering in disgust and vile discomfort. I'll never forget those feelings.

I knew I'd make it to the other end though one day because my friend had. And, fortunately, April 2023, that day came.

📝 Testosterone Prescription 😄

After jumping through a load of loopholes and sending my blood tests off, my GP/Doctor booked me an appointment. I thought it was just to talk to me about my blood tests.

I sat down and he talked to me for a bit. Nothing much, nothing special. Then, he started printing something out. He whipped it from the printer and handed me this lil slip of paper. It was a prescription letter.

You know how people say the world can stop? Or go in slow motion? That's exactly what happened. I must have spent an entire lifetime staring down in silence, in awe, at this little piece of paper. My eyes were welling up with joy. I looked at him and all I could do was thank him, over and over and over again. A great smile beamed on his face.

Upon leaving, everything was blurry. It was like I had tunnel vision. All I could see was this piece of paper. I stormed out of the building, called my Mom, and violently cried with joy.

"Slow down, I can't understand you", she said.

"I've got it. I've got it. I have a testosterone prescription!" I spluttered.

It took me a while to calm down, haha. I've never been so joyous.

🌱 Testosterone Effects Timeline 📊

⚠️Please note everyone's changes, intensity of changes, and rates of changes are different⚠️

Week 1: no voice drop, but my throat felt different; increased discharge downstairs; a little sweatier and took me longer to cool down.

Week 2-3: some hot flashes but not many; needed bigger meals.

After 1 month: period stopped (🥳); small amount of increased hair growth on legs; head hair started growing faster; more and slightly more intense hot flashes; subtle voice changes, easier to talk at my lowest level.

2 months: stamina increase, longer work time and shorter recovery time; voice slightly deeper; upper lip hair started coming through darker; increased peach fuzz hair growth on face, arms, legs, stomach, especially legs; increased spots on back.

Up to 6 months: how I felt and processed emotions changed (found it A LOT easier to process emotions, less chaotic mind); even more hair growth and a few random beard hairs; further stamina increase; my sweat and pee changed how they smelt which was weird; further voice changes; sometimes I had sudden bouts of strong hunger but not often.

Up to 12 months: increased downstairs discharge stopped; even more body hair (thicker, darker, curly), especially on legs; a few more beard hairs on chin; back spots decreased; voice a little deeper; face shape changes, boarder shoulders.

Up to 17 months (now): almost every area on my legs is hair; hair growth on butt and up butt; a few more beard hairs (that grow back pretty quick after shaving); warmer, more and longer got flashes, difficulties cooling down (I'm also extremely heat averse though so 🤷🏻); masculinising hairline (i.e receding at the front to look more masculine); much more noticeable voice changes, difficulties reaching higher tones, much easier to talk low.

Extra: I haven't experienced any bottom growth or change in libido at all. I've identified as asexual for a while now and still do, no changes at all. It's fairly common to experience bottom growth and some report a change in libido too, I just haven't 🤷🏻

🧑🏻‍⚕️ Top Surgery 😷 - double incision

I was terrified I wasn't going to get to this stage. I moved from Wales to England and both have different medical systems, so I was petrified of my surgery referral getting lost.

Fortunately, it didn't get lost. Once it was booked in, I had my consultation where I met the surgeon and her team, I was measured, told about the process and what could go wrong and what the solutions were.

Now I had a new fear: was this right? The self doubt was ridiculous. What if I regretted it? What if I hated my results?

The morning of the surgery answered these questions. My plan was that if it felt wrong on the morning, I knew I had the power to back out.

At 8:30am I was called to my surgery. I wrapped my arms around my Mom, a giant smile swallowing my face, and I said, "see you later!", and pranced down the corridor with the nurse. I was SO excited.

Going under anaesthetic was perfectly alright. It was insanely fast which I wasn't expecting. They started the anaesthetic and all I had time for was a few sentences before I was out.

🛏️ Recovery 🏥

💫I've got a big list of tips and tricks for top surgery recovery which might be best for another post because it's huge💫

Recovery actually wasn't too bad. When I woke up, the only discomfort I felt was a prickly feeling around the surgery site which they quickly sorted with painkillers. The day after anaesthetic was a bit rocky, I slept a lot and felt a bit icky, basically like a hangover. After that, all I felt was a dull aching in my abdomen for 3/4 days, otherwise no pain. I couldn't actually feel anything around my nipples or incisions, it was totally numb. The trickiest part was actually keeping myself busy so my Tourette's didn't damage the surgery site.

Once things had healed up a bit more and my stitches were out/dissolved away, I really started to appreciate my new chest. Unlike some people, I didn't have a super euphoria moment. For me, it's simply been total peace and relief since. I no longer think about my chest in any capacity. It feels natural, normal, right, and that, to me, means it was absolutely the right decision. It was what I needed.

🙋🏻 Where am I Now? 🙋🏻

It's been just over 10 months since my top surgery and my scars are fading very well. I'm very happy with the results. I've regained a substantial amount of sensation too in both my nipples and the incision scars. I've done a huge amount of scary care which I'm happy to talk about in another post so this one doesn't get any longer.

I'm fortunate enough to have had all of my records changed, I have a male passport, and I recently passed my driving test and have a full driver's license with my new name on it!

But, I think more importantly, I now feel more confident, I care about what I wear and how I look, I've found my style and what I like to wear, I look after my personal hygiene, and I feel like myself.

And that is where I am now 😊

I hope you've found this helpful in some way. There's a lot of information here. It was nice to type that story out. If you'd like anything else in more detail or have any questions, go for it!

[snekdood]

wish i didnt hafta cut off my conservative family members but they were all so abusive that I can hardly tolerate being around them

[plutoons]

Can you do a tutorial on how your art process is done I’m about to quit on Art everything I make fucking sucks .

hey anon !! My art process is almost non existent cause i haven’t been able to stick to One definitive way and i don’t want to cause i think its limiting. I still have a long way to go for improving my skills and learning new things and figuring out different styles !!

Heres a quickk drawing showing what my “main” process is

This is something i generally have stuck to for most of my posted drawings (i can post things specific to some drawings on a separate reblog ^^ im just to lazy to get pictures of em for examples rn)

Doodle !! I cant visualize shit, and usually have a very vague idea of what id like to draw Or just nothing at all. So I doodle messily with expressive gestures till’ i find something that sticks

choose one final concept/sketch and clean it up a lil so i have a way better idea of what im getting myself into

Base colors cause i hate doing lineart. So i just go straight into colors casue its fun and i like fun!! Right on top or on a diff layer it doesnt matter. I color pick with my eyes and put base colors or anything i think it would be cool. No pressure and it can messy cause I’ll clean it up and figure shit out later

fuck around and find out (rendering ig)—> i cant explain it super well or definitively. I just layer and throw colors on top till im satisfied or Done with it. I flip my canvas a bunch or check my values to make sure the results come out to look more coherent regardless of the mess of color

Im just a simple person and cant handle something that requires too many steps or things that havta be done Just right so this works for me atm. This may not be your jam but finding a process in that works for you through trial an error is just a part of art. Do what works for you!! I think experimenting is so important even if it sucks in the end

(more Words / “advice ?” under cut)

I have so many shitty drawings and sketches and even colored things that outweigh the tiny bits of art i decide to show off

I totally get that creating art can get really discouraging at times; not getting the results you want when you want them no matter how much effort you put in just sucks, but it won’t always be that way :] even if it takes you 10 years to find your groove and see improvement or 2 years, it’ll happen. I find that i’ve only improved when i actively didn’t give a fuck about how my art looks and only cared that i was having fun through it all, and thats hard cause perfectionism is a bitch and its hard to get rid of. You could improve with studies and daily practice for sure but moving towards improvement can be as fun and light n breezy as you want to make it, like taking a break to explore different hobbies or changing up mediums or fucking around and experimenting with it can help !!! Allow ur art to be bad; cause fuck it, at least you made something and thats really really cool. Once you cut urself some slack it’ll be easier to improve upon your skillset and slowly but surely get to where you want

Sorry im a bit tired idk if this is coherent so heres a more direct thing i’d like to say:

Maybe ur art isn’t where you want it to be rn and ik it can kill ur motivation to keep going at it (i’ve experienced this feeling a lot and im sure so have many others). But you gotta ease up on urself and stop worrying about results so you can allow yourself to experiment and have fun!! And its hard getting into that mindset but you gotta keep trying and you’ll find it getting easier

[sillysystems]

hiii :D so i have no idea how this works cause weve never done it before but firstly can i claim the 🥀 as sign off and with our @funkylildragonfella? were a very silly system (hence our system name silly doc squad hehe) and have lots of silly things to share also we ramble a lot like a lot and i hope thats alright we just dont wanna be annoying /gen

so this one is a very long silly thing that once happened and also with sp chat cause it was very silly i hope thats okay if not if its too much or anything im very sorry /gen

so first here the sp chat hehe

and context:

so lucifer is a subsystem of at least 3 lucifers and were slowly learning some lil differences like 🎹 is mostly around of the lucifers as far as i can tell and hes more like caretaker and energy booster for me, then theres mainly protector lucifer 🎶 who also seems to swear a lot and then theres doc lucifer 🗂 whos an even bigger idiot than first lucifer but i love him too

hes helping us a lot like today he did a silly thing he apparently is able to mix up the dates and whatever like memories and stuff in our head so he made me think that we have therapy today at 12 so i went there only to stand there for an hour and wondering when im gonna be let in

but then i realized i probably got the date wrong and im really nervous and stuff about calls or writing messages to therapist or doctors and stuff but i had to cause i had to ask when the actual appointment is and our therapist replied and wasnt mad at all and told us that its tomorrow at 12

so yeah got that mixed up and then i thought to myself hey at least we got outside for a bit and then lucifer just popped up being like yeah that was the point like he mixed it up so id remember it wrong so that we would go outside for a bit cause we dont go outside that much as much as we want to but like for an appointment i would have to go no excuses

so i went there and then he was like and you also learned that its okay to mess up and how to write message to therapist cause to resolve the situation i had to write her and it wasnt so bad and the stress around it actually got a little less so it actually helped a bit

and yeah then i told him okay but you coudlve just asked me to go outside cause if he asks i would definitely go cause i love him its just different with outside people when they tell us to do things brain goes like no im not doing it now that you told us now

and yeah so now we made a deal like that hes gonna drop some little things to do that we have difficulty doing once in a while but like without pressure just in our own time and like when the other brain sillies ask im always gonna try cause i love them so yeah he said its like a quest and we can even do a point and reward system if it makes it easier and whatever hes so silly and i hate him but i also love him

Sure you can claim that 🥀 sing off and I'll make sure to add your tag in there. In this blog the're no such thing as annoying or too much so feel free to share what you want and yap all day, that's what the blog's for bro!!

I read the whole thing and that was wholesome ngl, a little trick to teach a lesson and learn, grow out, that's beautiful man

I also like how this Lucifers work, at least from what I've seen here, it's such an interesting way of working and I found funny how Jinx was like "I hate you but I love you"

Glad your therapist was chill about that little messed up!

[unicornsaures]

yapping about the outsiders x amrev

Okay so first off, not replacing any characters, obviously. Im thinking the aides are their own seperate little group that just hang around one another. Not an actual gang like the shepard gang but more how the main characters run; just a group thats independent, but willing to stick up for one another. Ive decided that if i ever do something with this god forsaken AU its genuinely just gonna be mostly seperate from the main plot because none of the aides themselves would be socs and so the plot wouldnt even be relevant until the very end.(I have been thinking of making Lafayette a soc or something. Just for the fuck of it to test some limits to hamilton, laurens, and laf's friendship with the whole bob thing ehe!)

But for the sake of this AU, theyre all aged into their 20s except for Washington. Its just easier than having 60 year olds street fighting.

Right, so characters! I havent thought much on other aides BUT i have thought VERY heavily on Laurens and Hamilton, obviously. So, starting with Laurens. Hes literally the same. Hes just as impulsive as he is during his time period if not worse. Hes given more opportunities to fight and he takes every. single. one. I would say hes similar to Dally but really he isnt. He'll get in a fistfight every week or so but nothing serious enough he ends up in jail. His relationship with HL is kind if rocky, too. They moved from SC to fucking oklahoma and John is not too happy about the move, for one, and his father isnt happy that Laurens turned into a 'hood.' Mainly, he just wont sleep at his own house. He'll crash at Meade's place or maybe Hamilton's run down, abandoned little house if he has to. HL isnt abusive or anything he just doesnt like living with so many siblings while his father goes on and on about how hes a bad influence. Not helping that he has a new bruise or cut every time he vists but i digress, John is basically a 'watered down' dally.

Righttt, Hamilton! Yeah, born in NYC, mom died, got too expensive, so he moved to good ol Oklahoma without his dad. I may just say he works at DX with Soda and whatnot because while the aides arent needed for the plot, i want them to feel a lil somethin somethin when everything goes down in the book and having a relation to both Soda and Steve would at least make Hamilton feel a bit bad and maybe even convince him to fight in the rumble at the end. Laurens and him arent really officially dating either. Theyre technically exclusive, but they never really talked about it and kind of just say theyre there to keep each other in check. Neither of them really want to confront any of their emotions towards anything so they settle for hamilton lovingly scolding laurens every time he gets in a fight and sharing 'no homo' kisses. Yeah and he lives in this run down house that he doesnt pay for and he has to drop by Meade's place whenever cops come searching for anyone living in there because i need him to be a little bit pathetic.

The rest of the aides are primarily undecided, if im being honest. Meade's parents are still alive from what I know and the other aides either stay at their own house or crash at Meade's, but Laurens is usually taking up the couch on most nights as does Hamilton. Most of the other aides arent big fighters really, theyre just trying to make it through college/day to day jobs. Washington kind of watches over all of them, like an unofficial father to their lil gang. They just hang around him and he frequently scolds them all for misbehaving. Hes like darry but older i guess. (Hes like, in his late 40's in this AU.)

Oh, and kinloch is there because i said so! If anything, he gives me major soc vibes and i primarily think he is why Laurens has such a knack for starting fights with socs for no reason. They were some weird ass situationship and they had an unofficial breakup that Laurens is still extremely salty over. Francis totally went for his neck during the rumble btw and they hate each other and laurens still tries to start fights with him whenever he sees him.

Though, Lafayette is also pretty undecided. I want him to be a greaser but at the same time i think him being a soc would test the limits of him and laurens' friendship while also he and hamilton's friendship. Laurens because obviously, francis. Hamilton because he saw how the socs affected soda, steve, etc and he feels bad for them, but also Lafayette would be dead set that Johnny is a murderer because he needs to stick up for the socs to stay loyal.

Now lets talk about the rumble! I think only some of the aides would get involved, really. Hamilton would because he saw how johnny affected steve and soda, Laurens because he just wants to fight, and the two dragged along Tilghman and Harrison because theyre strong enough to do some genuine damage. The rest of them just dont want to be involved in all of that and think its easier to just not get hurt.(Meade tags along but stands off to the side just to make sure no one gets seriously injured. He has change ready for a pay phone in case he needs to call up washington.)

Now, what i think would be interesting is their reaction to Dally's death. Im saying Laurens wouldve heard his name, as would all of the greasers, really. So their entire gang would know his name, but im mainly thinking about Laurens for this one because id like to think that he kind of looked up to him in some fucked up way? Not really looked up to, but more so respected. I feel like with Ham telling him about how Soda and Steve reacted and how they act at the DX afterwards would really fuck with him too and id like to think hed drop by the curtis house or some shit to say that he thought dally was a cool guy or something.

Yeah, anyway this is all pretty rough in terms of what the fuck im yapping about i just spat out every word that came to mind.

[olichat-reads]

Breast Implants

Sero Hanta x reader

Summary: Hanta gives you little reasons to keep living when you don't want to anymore.

Warning: suicidal themes. reader doesn't want to live anymore. but its mostly comfort dw.

a/n: just a lil self indulgent hurt/comfort. and hey hey if you're in the same boat as me, hang in there yeah? life fucking sucks but its worth living, even if just for the silly little things.

🌟

'I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to. I'm tired. This world has nothing left to offer me. I just want to die. please just let me die.'

The words were familiar. Too familiar for the weight they held. But that was the reality of it. Having been recited often enough that Hanta knew where your head went on bad days like these.

But that doesn't make it any easier to hear.

On days like this, he felt stumped. How do you convince someone that life isn't so bad when it has done everything to prove otherwise? How do you help someone live when they saw nothing else worth living for in this world? How do you coax someone to continue living when they begged for death?

He glanced down at your trembling figure in his arms. You looked so small. Too small to carry the amount of hurt and fear and sadness you held in your heart.

How can he shoulder half of all that pain to make it more bearable for you?

Hanta holds you just a little tighter, long arms enveloping your smaller frame as if he could protect you from the world that has hurt you so much. He doesn't know the answer to all these questions. But he'll be damned if he doesn't try to make it better. With whatever he has.

He takes a deep breath and does just that.

"What do you think of breast implants? I kinda of wanna have one."

Even with the tears streaking down your face, you picked your head up to meet your boyfriend's eyes and give him a look.

"Hanta, no," you managed to croak out softly, voice still hoarse from crying.

"Wait, no! No!" He backtracks with a laugh, seemingly understanding your concern at his relevation. "Not like that! Not in me! Like to just have one like- like a stress toy."

You raised an eyebrow at that. Hanta only narrowed his eyes back playfully. "Nope. No, hear me out!"

The corner of your lips ticked up at that, only for you to break into a whole smile, albeit a little wet and shaky, when your boyfriend caught your cheeks in his hands, tugging playfully while he subtly wiped off the wetness from your skin. "Listen to me you judgy little shit! I have a good case to make."

You gave him another very judgemental look for good measure.

"Go on."

"Have you seen what one looks like though?" He starts, encouraged to continue as you shake your head no even with the skeptical look still on your face. "They're clear and squishy but durable? I don't know. I kinda want to throw it at someone to see what kind of sound it makes."

He got a short huff at that. A ghost of a laugh.

"And they look like they'd be cool to touch? Like I'd imagine its like holding water? It stays cool in your hand and I'd imagine it feels comfortable to hold. Don't you just wanna- hey! What is that eyeroll for!"

"You're so stupid," you huffed out, laying your head back onto Hanta's shoulder. The words made him smile. He can hear the fondness in your voice, a little less sad, a little more happy.

"Fuck off. I bet you want one, now, too. Don't even lie." He watched as you scrunch up your nose at the thought in distaste, even as a smile tugged on your lips.

"I actually kinda do, now." He has to bark out a surprised laugh at that. "Yeah? We can throw it at Bakugou? See what sound it makes?"

"Oh my god noooo," you breathed out a laugh, hand smacking your boyfriend's shoulder in jest, albeit a bit weakly than normal. "I just want to squish it. See how it feels," you said with serious enthusiasm, tired eyes sparking with some sort of determination that made your boyfriend smile something soft.

"I'd say this is progress hm?" He mummured lightly. You tilt your head up to meet his dark eyes that were already looking at you with so much adoration your tired heart did a little hop in your chest.

"What is?"

"Something to look forward to in this life."

"What-Breast implants?" You couldn't help but choke on an incredulous laugh at the suggestion. Hanta chuckled as well, something warm blooming in his chest at seeing you laugh- a proper genuine laugh after what had been a night filled with tears.

"Yeah."

"So what? When the next person asks me what keeps me going in life, my answer would be breast implants and my need to squish one in this life," you giggled at the thought.

"If it keeps you alive for a little longer, who's to say anything about it?" He said lightly, but the words made you freeze. He looked away from your eyes that looked over his face, trying to act nonchalant. But of course you notice the underlying bitterness of his words, he thought as he watched your face fall slightly. Of course you did.

You twisted in his embrace, body facing him so you could meet his eyes properly. Hanta couldn't help but feel bad. Ashamed. For letting his own hurt slip while you were feeling like this. You saw right through him though, grateful that you're able to read him like an open book, especially at times like this.

Because he deserved to feel sad. He deserved to feel hurt knowing someone he loves is ready to leave it all behind. Of course he did. But this was something you could fix. Hopefully.

"I love you. I'm sorry I always make it seem like I'm trying to be rid of you by- by saying things like having nothing to live for. I'm not. It just-"

"Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Its okay," he cut you off gently, though his the strain in his voice hurt your heart.

So you pushed onwards. He needed to know. He needed to know how much he mattered, how much you appreciated him being so patient, how thankful you were that he's being here.

"For what its worth, I wanna live a little longer if it meant staying with you. I love it when we're together. You make me feel safe and happy and cared for. You make everything okay, even if its just for a little. You make it worth staying alive a little while more."

You felt your eyes prickle with new tears as put every emotion into your words, desperate for him to understand. From the way his expression mirrored your own, you were sure he did. "So. Thank you."

Hanta let the air still for a heartbeat, let your words set and blanket over both of you while he looked you over with glassy eyes.

"Good," he said firmly, pulling you close, resting his chin on your head as he sighed, content at the knowledge that he was your happy. That he could keep you in this life a little longer.

"I wish one day, I'd want to live again. With you. I- I don't know when- if-"

"I'll wait," he gently cut you off, his gentle embrace tightening just a little as he held you close, lips planting a light kiss in your hair. "We have time. I can wait."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he hummed firmly, leaving no room for doubt. "Plus, I think it'll be a while before we can get our hands on breast implants, don't you think?"

🌟

a/n: god, whenever i post a fic i'm either mentally unwell or fucking BUSY with so much shit and this time its both :D!! pray i finish this freaking case write up by friday please muah muah thanks <3.

[blamemma]

what you said about maxiel fanfics with endgame lest4ppen, yes, I agree. someone mentioned this before, but maxiel is slowly dying on ao3 while it seems to be thriving more and more on tumblr.

for me it's 50/50 because I don't mind where I'm reading, but here we have more one-shots and pieces of WIPs (which is good because it means authors don't feel the pressure to turn everything into a 50k story, so they can just post their ideas even if it's incomplete), but I personally LOVE longer stories, so I would love to read more and more about every single one of them.

and personally I just don't like lest4ppen at all. I understand the need to tag maxiel because daniel is the bad guy and the "shitty boyfriend" or whatever, but I just don't like seeing those stories 😬

will always preface asks like this by saying people can like what they like and find joy in whatever, i ain't gunna turn my nose up at anyone or anything, lestappen just doesn't make sense to meeee personally, but honestly whatever butters ur bread!!!

as someone who has dabbled here and there in this writing lark, for me there is a distinct difference in ao3 posting and tumblr posting....ao3 to me is formal, ur presenting something perfect, a fully-fledged story, a beginning a middle and an end (not in all cases but i just mean in general). most stuff i read on ao3 is fully-fledged nuanced ideas that the author has obviously spent hours of time crafting and experimenting with.

tumblr fic is inherently fun and blase and easier to throw out there into the ether and forget about really. tumblr fic doesn't need to follow grammatical rules or structure etc etc....it can just be a fun prompt game response or a quick lil fic that you had fun writing and wanna share with ur people?? both have purposes and both are enjoyable to write imo, just depends on what ur feeling and how much u want to expand on said idea??

when it comes to the maxiel of it all....idk how rude or pointed i can get here without getting into shit....so i'll try and word this gently....you have to keep the eco-system alive....i think comments and kudos are GREAT but honestly, if someone reblogs my fic with a fun few tags, i love that more, because in a selfish way, i might get 1 or 2 more readers from that because its going out to an even wider audience?? but its more than that!! engage with ur writers, message them on here and shout at them about their ideas, send them prompts, recommend their fic to ur friends...but i will stand by i think one of the best things you can do, if they make a fun lil post or graphic for their fic...reblog it...ur not only spreading the maxiel gospel, but ur also supporting that writer?? too many times on here i see people's fic graphics flop yet big blogs are leaving them comments on ao3 and look, EACH TO THEIR OWN and also i can sometimes be a bad reblogger dont get me wrong, but LIKE, there are some wildly talented authors on here who just need to be pushed into the limelight a little bit more??? idk if im wording this correctly, but sometimes there are fics that fall through the cracks because no one engages with them, and if ur an author who has put blood sweat and tears into that fic, ur not exactly going to be motivated to post another maxiel fic if u dont think ur going to get engagement from it (again, fic writing isn't necessarily about engagement or response, but let me tell u when i get a fun little comment or someone messages me about a fic i published, it inspires me to write more????)

maxiel is definitely alive and kicking, i follow some stunningly good maxiel authors, but at the same time, its about pushing forward those smaller writers as well and not thinking ur too cool for them???????????????

and so with that, this flufftober, kinktober, spooktober or whatever tober u are a part of, reblog the fic, talk about the fic and enjoy the fic