#ive never had a problem with cutting people out of my life. and with my history my grandparents should know that INCLUDES family

[missfertileandferal]

lowkey super anxious to post this but im missing you guys so much <3

i plan on a solid return soon! i just wanted to get off my chest whats been going on:

Earlier this year, I dealt with an awful situation of my kinky stuff leaking into real life. My insane coworkers found my content and as I was serving on the clock, proceeded to show my customers and all the staff. then i was fired. Im traumatized to say the least but I over came it.

Come mid summer, I planned so step back for a little bit to move apartments no more than a couple weeks. What happened was both my job (i worked with close family friends so stressful) and a really bad situation with a companion found about my kink stuff. i never expected or was prepared for the humiliation, deception, and pain that would come from my fetish journey

My last job was such a loss. I had been blessed with a cute job as a medical office assistant without any credentials (i wasnt doing anything out of my capabilities of course) it was so peaceful and perfect compared to the drama of my last gig plus working with familiar people felt just like home honestly. Then I got covid. I was out for 2 weeks, at the same time i was moving into my new place. I tried calling them back to let them know I was cleared and ready to get back to work. I received a humiliating text. I was dismissed. That turned into a crippling anxiety of them confessing to my family what I do in my past time

The following week I was met with more disappointment. Ive said this before but I dont have many people in my corner. It used to suck to admit but I stand with pride now knowing those who are around me love me 100% regardless what I do or dont do.

One of my dearest dearest friends, who I had previously communicated what I do (not to a full extent they always respected it) called me very dramatically only a week before I planned to see them (they live across the country and we ALWAYS visit each other when in our cities) It still doesnt feel real tbh, the call only last 40 seconds. I was informed that “I was going on the wrong path” and could no longer be associated with. That’s alls that happened. 8 years down the drain

I was informed by outside sources that my hometown opps had gotten hold of my content (who my ex friend still associate with but I despise bc they’ve always been obsessed with me but in a bad way) and they had confronted him about being my friend. he pussied out and cut me off. they also mass reported my last instagram account😡🤬

I had to take some time back to seriously debate if these loses were worth it. I was swallowed with so much anxiety knowing that an uncomfortable amount of people in my zip code knew what ive been up to. its already complicated being into this and while at the same time not being in a plus size body. thats another conversation tho

That debate has turned into me accepting these events as the universe weeding out people/things that no longer serve me. This has shown peoples true colors, if I am not to be associated with because of my sexual freedom, body acceptance, and undoing of fat phobia then PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Im recovering ❤️‍🩹 but my heart and hedonism can’t be helped. i love being a kinky lil gut slut. its helped me grow in so many ways from acceptance to living an esoteric dreamy life. i love all the hot girls and guys that i see on my timeline. they hype me up and vise versa. i love this little corner of the internet. my fellow freaks keep me going. i’ve been so on and off online but every time i come back to the sweetest words and support. thank you guys for your patience and consideration

my anxiety is to the roof as im typing. its crazy that these privacy problems havent been within the actual community. funny. if your still reading this I love you extra. ill be streaming on ig on my comeback day!

new ig acc @missfertileandferal💘

[ambersky0319]

My grandma keeps getting exasperated that I refuse to ask my grandpa to drive me anywhere but like...

This is the man who told an 11 year old with depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues "I don't want you" in the middle of a lobby at a therapy place and saw nothing wrong. This is the man who has told me to "go to hell" because I couldn't help with his internet issues. This is the man who point blank admitted his behavior is problematic, but used the excuse that he was too old, as a reason for why he wouldn't change his behavior.

I don't want a relationship with him anymore. I made that clear. And while I'm still in this house, I will be civil with him. I will not remark on his comments. I will give simple answers to questions asked. I will help if the situation is dire. However, that does not mean I will engage with him for longer than I have to. And it means that I refuse to be stuck in an enclosed space like a car with him.

I don't think either of my grandparents have realized that, when I said the outcome of that conversation a few weeks ago would determine if we would have a relationship going forward, I meant it.

I've ignored my grandpa while living in the same house as him for 6 months - only interacting with him if it was absolutely necessary since i relied on him. And at the time, I still felt like I would have some relationship with him. But now? Now I feel nothing for him. That relationship is dead. I have no plans on making it better. I will simply be treating him how I treat anyone else I dislike but must tolerate.

I just wonder how long it will be for them to realize this.

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[tea-and-secrets]

i know this is an unpopular opinion bc this is the "cut off your friends for having a bad day!!!! theyre toxic! you don't owe anyone ANYTHING!" site but ive found the more people on here talk about shit like "loving people at their worst" and "helping their friends" and "you have to make peace with being a burden" and "the loneliness epidemic is so sad :(((" type posts the more likely they are to be a shit friend that resents actually having to help you for any reason. if you arent capable of being able to help someone thru a mental health crisis or take a risk helping someone in a bad place or in asking if someone's okay and not immediately dropping it at the extremely-typical-symptom-of-cptsd deflecting, you're not a friend, straight up. that is an acquaintance and that is fine. but acting like that's friendship is lying to yourself. its incredible that people act like this is fine on the site that constantly complains friendships arent taken as seriously as romantic relationships - maybe some people crave that romantic relationship bc it comes with an assurance that they won't be given up on as easily. for a literary culture that romanticises loyalty in a big way everyone on here loves to make up excuses to flake on it in their real life relationships with the excuse that the other is a bad person, a terrible friend, toxic, when id bet my ass they never tried to talk to them about the problems they had with them even once lol and i know everyone on here likes to say they're a people pleaser like that's some virtue and not a maladaptive coping mechanism thatll bite you in the ass and choke out all your friendships, but honestly if you can never get yourself to bring up to someone you call a "friend" that they hurt you or made you upset or made you uncomfortable, and you cut them off for that, you're a shit person. if you never once voice your opinion and fault them for not working around it, you're a shit person. if you get mad at and hold grudges against someone for violating boundaries you never once set up or even tried to hint at, or not solving problems they didn't know existed, you're a shit person. i had friends go nuclear and cut me off during the delusional haze after one of the most traumatic events in my life and it was over shit they'd apparently kept silent about for years. years. and never once tried to bring up. some of those things were things we'd already talked about and i apologized for and i thought we'd cleared the air on, but they were still upset over it and held me acting that way in the first place over my head as if i was evil for having those thoughts in the first place, and they'd never once hinted that they were holding that grudge the entire time we were "friends".

i see posts now that are like "it's sooo great to cut a toxic friend out of your life :) breath of fresh air" and i look at the notes in agreement and wonder how many of those people did what they did, refused to talk about their problems only to hold those problems against someone as black marks on their character. very few people actively want to be an asshole, most of the time just telling someone "this hurts" or "this upsets me" is enough to get them to stop and reconsider what they've been doing. i know i didnt want to. i begged you to tell me if id hurt you and you still lied to my face. why did you think id willingly want to hurt a friend? i tried to work with your symptoms, i always came to you when id been upset to get clarification, and i thought you'd do the same. what did i do to deserve that

.

[what-even-is-thiss]

hi! i just saw your post about your struggle with addiction, and it really resonated with me i guess, and i hope youre doing better now. ive been struggling a lot with being,,, lets call it ‘reasonable’ about my weed consumption and im feeling so overwhelmed trying to slow down with it and so ashamed that im even struggling with this in the first place, do you have any advice from when you first realized you had an addiction and like how you went about dealing with it?

im just really scared to ask my friends and family (outside of tumblr) for help because i worry that itll change how they think of me, or that theyll start treating me differently or something, especially because my parents are the ones who keep enabling this.

if youre not up to giving advice about this sort of thing i completely understand, and obviously our experiences and vices are very different, anyway sorry this is so rambly, and i hope you have a lovely week :)

An addiction counselor or a therapist might be better than me but I’ll try.

What has worked for me in the past with some things is removing the thing from my life completely and then later when I’m better seeing if there’s a healthy smaller way I can bring it back into my life.

Sometimes there isn’t. When it comes to opioids for example I can’t have those even once or my addiction immediately reactivates. Like with me it’s so fast. I become dependent on them immediately. Same with self harm. Hurting myself leads to my brain immediately wanting more of it to get rid of my emotions and it’s bad for my health so i just need to not do that.

When it comes to gambling and mobile games however I’ve been able to find a happy medium with that. I have maybe two mobile games I play that I don’t spend money on and I play more one time purchase games now without micro transactions. With gambling I put a hard limit on myself at 20 bucks a month and for the most part I’ve been able to stick to that.

Also I know that if I drink alcohol more than twice a week I’ll become addicted to it because I can feel it happening. So I just don’t drink more than once or twice a week.

You don’t have to go cold turkey. That doesn’t work for everyone. You might carefully measure out a ration for yourself for the month or week. You might not even have to give it up entirely. Or maybe you might.

I’ve found that talking it out with people in your life you trust can be helpful. The hardest additions to beat for me have been the ones I’ve never told anyone about. And part of the reason I’ve never become alcoholic is because I’ve told my friends and family about my problem and if I have more than three drinks at a party they know to tell me to cut it out.

I’ve found in general that people are more understanding than you think they’ll be. And if they aren’t then find someone who is. Even if they have to be a therapist or something.

I think the worst thing you can do when trying to beat an addiction or if you know you have an addictive personality is to isolate yourself. If you’re alone then it’s just you and your thoughts and your thoughts are what got you into this in the first place.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you find quitting hard. Addiction is hard. It messes with the pathways in your brain. It’s okay if it takes a while. Just keep trying.

[tannieastrology]

Capricorn Venus-Learning To Love, Love🤎🧸

☕️ How I imagine a love for Capricorn Venuses one day- Something REAL. Something that warms your heart. Someone to just come home to.

Kinda a personal story<3

☕️🧸First off people who have Capricorn Venus or Venus aspecting Saturn how did yall meet yalls partner and how would you describe your experience in dating? Let me know your experiences down in the comments!

☕️🧸Some common themes- unrequited love, being unable to catch feelings, work/school focused, unsatisfying relationships, liking people for years, low self worth, having to go through many obstacles, strong souls, gracefully age.

☕️🧸My Venus is in Capricorn in the 3rd house conjunct Jupiter, Pluto, and POF and trines my Virgo Saturn in the 11th. All of my friends are older and I actually met my friendgroup because of my older sister and find it difficult to make friends regularly. I also mostly hangout with older people but when it comes down to dating I am very inexperienced even though I know im only 16.

☕️🧸Like ive never talked to anyone and when I like someone ive had a pattern of liking them for like 2-3 years( my venus being in the 8th degree of scorpio). I also dont get approached alot and while I do have guys approaching me here and there theyre never my type.

☕️🧸Like I LOVE classy men but guys my age just arent like that it kinda bums me out. Watching people easily get into relationships ever since I was a kid and being able to attract anything they want in love matters made me really think I was ugly for the longest time.

☕️🧸For one I literally was a ugly duckling from elementary to middle school and I didnt really go to a school where indian features were appreciated(a majority of my school is hispanic and black). I always kept quiet about my crushes because I always thought no way they could like me?

☕️🧸It wasnt really until this year(my sophmore year) where I realized I have grown sooo much as a person. Beauty wise and personality wise. The way my Venus has impacted me the most was friends because of the relationship of my 3rd and 11th house. I lost friends, was lied to, and backstabbed and eventually made me realize that I wasnt the problem. The people around me are just vain. This made me go into depression for a while but also made me reflect on my relationships.

☕️🧸Eventually I thought why do I deserve any less? And yall dont understand this was such a turning point for me because it made me cut off so many unnecessary people in my life along with raising my standards within my relationships which is EXACTLY what Capricorn Venus should learn to do if they feel theyre relationships arent satisfying. Not just friends but in romantic interests too. Like I actually have boundries for myself but I will say that I lost alot of my innocence when it comes to love. The biggest thing for me personally is that I grew into myself but it took a longer time for that to happen for me compared to my peers but man sometimes people be hyping me up and I just dont know how to deal with it because I grew up ugly LMFAO.

☕️🧸Saturn here will force you to be patient and learn alot of valuable lessons for not only romantic love, but also friendships and familial relationships. Because one thing ive noticed is that these people are very sweet, soft hearted, and always wanted to fall in love, but as they got older they had unsatisfactory in those experiences and come to take the stereotype of being “cold” when in reality you just come to realize that people are disappointing. With time ive noticed we age well and we meet more serious people as we get older but you just have to deal with immaturity for a little while until that happens. All in all Capricorn Venuses will get what they deserve and I PROMISE you will be fine asf when u get old so hang in there.😘

If I were to give you a love based on a movie itd be this one<3

I really hope yall enjoyed this I wanted to give my insight on it so here I came🥰

[leincendiaire]

anyways salty thoughts. dont expect me to be nice

this is the one problem not exclusive to the finale, god ed's character arc just. didnt do it for me at all. I excused it before cuz I thought it would pay off as the season went on but nope. he never had a genuine apology moment, just that youtuber apology like gag and the cat collar joke. like they literally show us how the crew was completely scarred by his actions but theyre later just completely fine with him on board???? and stede keeps being his biggest stan when I think he would have been like hey what the fuck!! im sorry I hurt you but I am not responsible for your actions and you hurt my crew whom I hold very dear!! I love ed but Fuck he really went too far those first episodes and he never makes up for it. they only ever focus on His Own self journey, not how he hurt and traumatized practically every other character.

"well, I think narratively izzy's death made sense but—" no!! no it fucking didnt!! im sorry but it was just lazy writing!! they didnt know what to do with him so whoops he gets shot in the dumbest way possible. like, this aint my first rodeo, it aint the first time ive seen a character start off on their character journey to happiness only for writers to give up on it and kill them off. it's a tiring fucking trope tbh and I really wish they hadnt fallen into this trap. like his death scene wasnt good either, if youre gonna do it at least focus on his relationship with the crew, you know, the people he came to accept as family? not the man Who Shot Off His Fucking Leg And Almost Killed Him? I know they had an important relationship but that shit should have been talked about way beforehand, it deserved closure. they should have acknowledged they werent good for each other and made peace with it. izzy deserved a death with people who actually made him happy. ALSO THEY BURY HIM ON FUCKING LAND?????? he spent his life at sea!!!! he is the most devoted out of everyone to being a pirate and you bury him next to your fucking inn???? fucking twats istg

lastly I swear they forgot stede is the main character. they forgot literally everything about how to write him. he gets No Focus in the finale, and every scene he is in is bullshit. I actually wanted to punch my screen every time there was a joke about him being incompetent or whatever. like, hello??? thought we left that shit in s1??? he had Multiple Episodes about learning to be a pirate and adjusting to his new life and gaining more skills but no. he is just silly old loserboy for his cool war criminal boyfriend now. literally no skills or experience whatsoever. ok sure yea thats totally how he acted the rest of the season. also the fuck is it with him staying behind to run the inn with ed?? wasnt the whole conflict last episode their different desires out of life, with ed wanting to start a normal life and stede wanting to be a pirate?? when the Fuck did he change his mind. who are you and have you done with my boy

honestly I feel bad because jenkins is actually a good writer and the whole fandom really expected a lot from a man making his second show, and I think there were a lot of budget cuts and production issues so I can see why it turned out this way. he is probably mad about this too, I bet the cast also, like even the acting in this episode didnt feel passionate, and thats saying a lot since these actors really love this show. im just frustrated. man. time to write fics ig

[softness-and-shattering]

Ok the latest episode of dungeon meshi is gory as fuck.

Major episode 11 SPOILERS

Given that the episode is dragon part one, I assumed they would fight the dragon, mostly fail, cliffhanger, and the next episode would be defeating it.

I did NOT expect them to kill it, root around its insides, and find Falins fucking bones!!

The foot comes down on Senshi and he immediately vomits blood? Chilchuk knocked out by bricks to the head, Laios loses his leg?! (Nitpick but. If the leg was disconnected what was keeping him from falling out the dragons mouth? Anime rule of cool physics?)

And then. Chilchuk and Senshi is heaps of pain and Laios' leg is just itchy? Its a good joke, but I think there's more. Those heals were too easy after that amount of unprecedented violent gore.

Laios had a btw-line about of the dragon and is mating and then dismissed the thought with no given reason. So I think next episode theres gonna be a second Red dragon. ( Its possible part 2 will be next season, but following more common episode title namings, red dragon 1 and 2 will be the season finale. )

And theres the unanswered question of the whole season, why is the dragon more active, why is the ecosystem of the dungeon off-balance. I think next episode will be our big clue.

Re Falin, its no coinicidence we were introduced to the racist rich guy who assures us that souls dont leave bodies in the dungeon. That was confusing up till the last episode because the characters sure act like death is possible, and we've seen dead people and heard about body-retrieval. Then Namari goes to revivals to ask about Falin and there are bodies stored behind the desk guy. Which puts the pieces together, bodies that can be retrieved are retrieved, and the people can be revived. If someone cares to, and presumably pays for it. Someones gotta pay for retrievals.

Its also no accident that our warm-fuzzy sibling scene before finding Falins skull is about a ghost who is trapped with his body, and Falins intuition/ability with ghost magic. Can she be revived, will she stick around as a ghost, remains to be seen. (Remains.)

As someone who hasnt yet read the manga, Im also curious about long term story. Ive gotten the impression that theres significant story to go, possibly probably they reach the end of the dungeon? But Ive not seen Falin present in any of the art, and for the story to continue they need motivation to keep going.

So Im guessing that Falin ends up as a ghost, or unreviveable, and they have to get to the bottom to find the mad mage, work out what stops people from crossing over post-death (does that include monsters, orcs, humanoid mermaids or fish-oid[???]mermen), and only then can they bring Falin back to life.

That or they revive her and theres some other plot hook, but my guess is what I just described.

(Another silly nitpick, the fire is blocked by the adamantium but the heat isnt a problem until after the fire is done? "WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO EXHAUST ALL ITS FUEL" THAT WOULDVE LEFT FALIN BEYOND ALL HOPE!!!!!!)

And its funny re Senshi's knife, ooh its mithril it can cut through anything, well of course! he's used it to cut every single monster theyve eaten! And we never wondered how! Foreshadowing by cookware, its ridiculous and I love it.

Last point is it just me or are...is it Kaka and Kiki? Theyre discount Vex and Vax, right?

[polyamorousmood]

Hi I need some advice.

So I identify as poly even tho ive never had a poly relationship before and made that very clear to my girlfriend before we started dating. She said she was fine with it, and that we could always discuss terms when I start to like another person. We've been dating for a year, and I'm starting to like one of our mutual friends. I was excited to tell my girlfriend, but when I did she freaked out about it and said she couldn't do it. Because she was freaking out, I said it was OK and agreed to be in a mono relationship (I often will say anything to get someone to calm down, and I know that's a flaw of mine which is why I was open about everything before anything was at stake). I don't think I am OK with it, but they way she spoke about it sounds like she won't be convinced either.

I feel like I was lied to? And now I'm in this situation I didn't want, but I don't want to break up with her because I do love her. Functionally our relationship is the same as it always was so maybe I can handle it, but I just don't understand why she would have such a negative reaction when she seemed completely OK with it at the beginning.

I mean... maybe she said it was okay when it wasn't for a similar reason you did? Because she wanted to make you happy more than she wanted to dig into the issue? While I understand this probably felt like a major gut-punch after you made a point to be open about it, it seems to me unfair you'd hold her to a higher standard than you're holding yourself now wrt voicing what you'd be okay with.

Anyway, TL;DR: I think y'all both need to "come to Jesus."

What do I mean by that.

You need the classic Uncle Iroh moment

And it really, really fucking sucks, but you both will have to consider if the life you want -- poly for you, monog for her -- is feasible with each other. I'm sorry, I know it hurts even to think about, but even if everything gets worked out, you will have to think about the possibility it won't first.

First, you're going to have to bring it up again, and explain its importance, and explain your confusion, and acknowledge this is clearly difficult for her. I think a strong possibility is that she's okay with you dating someone else, but not someone she knows. It being her friend may be the sticking point! I've found a lot of people don't consider that a possibility until they're confronted with it, and it drudges up a lot of bad feelings and anxieties that you "always really wanted them and not me," so that's worth investigating.

... Its also really possible she never gave it a ton of thought and assumed it was never really gonna happen🫤. Its also possible your timing was just shit in a way you're not mentioning (maybe didn't even think of!) like, if you mentioned it a week after y'all Had A Talk™️about her feeling really insecure lately, I can see how that could cause her some panic. You are just going to have to grit your teeth and talk🗣️. It is the ONLY path forward that has a chance of everyone feeling fulfilled. Which to me at least, makes it the only path forward, period ⏺️ It sucks. Its hard. You'd rather saw off your toes.

But here's the secret -> people regret more the things they didn't do than the things they did do. A life spent wondering is generally much harder than anything else.

So if after you talk to her, she does have a problem with polyamory, there are only a few options for how this shakes out:

You never get the polyamory. Either because you kept your mouth shut 🙊 or because you asked and it was clearly never going to be okay with her. You stay with her forever and cut off this desire of yours to make her happy. Most poly people find this a very constricted existence.

She consents to polyamory even though she doesn't like having to share you. You guys broker some sort of compromise. Maybe she comes around, but maybe its always a sore spot, and she always feels like she's settling for half a relationship.🌗

You break up💔. Maybe now, maybe after years of trying and failing to do one or both of the first two options.

That's all there is. There's room within those categories, of course, but every outcome is one of those three. Give each of them their fair consideration, because there are some major, long-term pros and cons with each of them, and you need to know what you're signing on for. Oh, and if you're not willing to talk about it? You're locking yourself into the first one. Maybe she's worth it to you, but if that's the choice you're making, you cannot hold that choice against her later, because she won't even have realized you made it if you don't talk about it.

And if you do broker some sort of deal, you better fasten your seatbelt. Because you will have to talk about things she's uncomfortable with very regularly. Accept that right the fuck now. You know its true. You know that even if she understands, there will be new situation after new situation you will have to go through together. And a lot of them will be hard on her. And it will be on your shoulders to see her through.

This is, without exaggeration on my part, one of the worst situations to be in ever. My heart goes out to you.💝 I hope from the depths of my soul there's some sort of misunderstanding that gets resolved without much drama, and you're all okay. I am also truly sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't want you to waste your time looking for miracle fixes. Everything from this point on will be messy and labor-intensive, but I hope it can be a labor of love.

Wising you the strength to see yourself to a life you love 💙💖🖤

[tokischaaaaa]

si las más puta' son las más fina' pt.4. final :D

warning! : cursing, smut, birth stuff

word count!: 1.8k!!

part 1

part 2

part 3 

2 months later,

"hamzah, get in here!" mandy yelled as she held y/n up with both hands around y/n's arms.

hamzah ran to his and y/n's bedroom to find a distraught y/n on the floor being held up by mandy.

"hamzah, call the ambulance! her water broke!" mandy cried.

an hour prior, mandy had come over to help y/n get ready for a girls' day out. however, as soon as y/n was putting on her clothes, her water broke.

y/n immediately started screaming, and mandy tried to get her to sit down, but y/n was scared and stayed glued to the floor.

once hamzah called the ambulance, they arrived moments later.

at the hospital, the nurses set y/n up for one of the most important events in her and hamzah's life. after the nurses put the ivs in y/n, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. "hamzah, come here," she groaned. hamzah ran to her side and held her hand. she felt another wave of sharp pain.

"hamzah, call the nurses. i think she's ready," y/n cried. "i don't know, y/n. we just got here. maybe they left for a reason," hamzah said, not wanting to rile y/n up.

"hamzah, if you don't call the nurse, i promise you i will cut your dick off," y/n growled.

hamzah nodded and ran outside the room to grab the nurses. as they came inside to check on y/n, they performed checkups that hamzah wasn't looking forward to seeing. the nurses let him know that he could wait outside in the meantime.

for the past weeks leading up to y/n's water breaking, she had expressed her increased fear of giving birth and being a mother. y/n didn't have the brightest upbringing.

her parents never got along, and she often didn't consider them her parents. however, someone she told hamzah was a great mother figure to her was her aunt.

her aunt was her dad's sister, and the last time she saw her was when she was 13. however, the nurture that she provided y/n was long-lasting and unforgettable.

hamzah decided, after letting mandy and martin know which hospital they went to, to attempt to contact y/n's aunt.

hamzah knew that he could only comfort her so much, but if he could bring her aunt or have her help y/n, it would be a tremendous help to y/n, especially as a new mother.

after hamzah found her profile and sent her a message, one of the nurses approached him.

"sir, miss y/n is 9 inches dilated, but getting her to 10 inches isn't possible due to her just kicking out all of our staff," the nurse said, looking down.

"oh shit, y/n," hamzah sighed and ran to y/n's room.

"babe, you can't kick everyone out of the room. they're here to help you—"

"hamzah, you don't get it!" y/n screamed as a drop of sweat fell onto her exposed stomach.

"then tell me, y/n, because kicking out the people that are literally here to help you isn't going to work!" hamzah said in a frustrated tone.

tears started pouring out of y/n's eyes. "hamzah, you don't get it. i'm scared," y/n sniffed.

hamzah got closer to y/n and kneeled beside her as she held onto the bed.

"y/n, i'm sorry," hamzah started but was cut off by y/n once again.

"hamzah, babe, it's my first time being a mama, and i'm fucking scared, horrified. i never had my mama tell me how to do this. i'm scared. did i mention i'm scared? because i am." y/n laughed while sobbing.

hamzah put his head to y/n's gently. "babe, look at me."

"i know you're scared. i am too. but even though our upbringings weren't ideal, we made it. and we made it to each other. we're gonna be the best parents ever, us together, and now the little princess," hamzah said, pressing his lips deeply onto y/n's sweaty forehead.

"aww, babe, you're too pure for this world," y/n said, wiping her eyes. hamzah, still on the floor, got closer to y/n and put his arms around her waist. though her waist had grown bigger during the pregnancy, it never became a problem for hamzah.

he was still advocating for wanting to keep the intimacy they had developed during the pregnancy.

"babe, stop. i think i'm ready to have our princess," y/n said, holding her breath. hamzah nodded and called for the nurses once again.

for the next 4 hours, y/n was in labor, huffing and puffing, using bouncy balls, drinks, anything to get the baby out of her. finally, at 3:04 am, the doctor came in and inspected how dilated y/n was.

"we're all set. she's fully dilated," the doctor smiled.

hamzah wiped off the sweat from y/n and eventually his forehead. the nurses positioned y/n to give birth.

as they told her to push, she looked into hamzah's eyes. his eyes were filling up with tears. she pushed his head closer to her and kissed it. "you ready, babe?" he asked, sniffing.

"ready, tiger."

"armani dalia al-emad, born at 3:49 am, august 17th, 20xx, 5 pounds, 6 ounces," the nurse said as she placed armani on y/n's chest.

"we did it, baby. we did it," y/n said, cooing at her daughter. "y/n, she's so beautiful," hamzah said, choking on his tears.

"just like you, my love." she said, kissing his lips deeply.

the next hours were filled with tests on either y/n or baby armani. once the tests were concluded, the new family was discharged from the hospital.

as hamzah got y/n and armani situated in the back seat, he got into the driver's seat and checked the pictures of baby armani he shot while y/n was using the bathroom.

"boy, what are you smiling about?" y/n smirked, looking at hamzah through the rearview mirror.

as the two headed home, they were both surprised to see martin and mandy had decorated their apartment for the newborn.

"congrats!" mandy and martin said as the new family walked through the door.

everyone was tired, so it was a no-brainer to end the celebration early, but not before mandy had some time with y/n to make sure she was okay, especially after giving birth.

as mandy was holding a newly bathed armani, y/n was laying on the bed, ready to start feeding armani.

"so, how do you feel?"

"exhausted, but i've never felt happier," y/n smiled.

"i'm glad," mandy smiled.

"mandy, i think it's time we head home," martin yawned.

"wait! let me take a pic of this!" hamzah cried. y/n was quick to hush him so armani would stay asleep.

"look at you being the photographer," y/n smiled.

the family then said goodbye to martin and got ready for bed quickly.

"good night, y/n," hamzah smiled in the dark.

"good night, babe," y/n grinned.

"and good night to you too, armani dalia al-emad," hamzah whispered into y/n's ear. her face became hot quickly. hamzah went back to her ear. "i miss you, baby. i'm glad i'm not sleeping on the couch again."

"oh, shut up. i was big and needed space," y/n sighed.

"yeah, i get it, but can you make it up, maybe?" hamzah said, tugging at y/n's bra strap.

"ugh, fine, but quiet. i don't want her to wake up," y/n whispered.

hamzah was quick to kick off his pants, not his shirt, since it was already off. y/n joined him moments later. now, both nude, they began to tussle like hungry animals. the two hadn't been intimate for 2 weeks due to the stress of planning for armani's arrival.

their bodies clashed together. hamzah went for y/n's swollen breasts, sucking them. y/n's moans were hard to conceal since hamzah's hot lips had become so foreign to her. she craved those now-drenched lips inside her. "go down, baby," y/n begged. "down where?" hamzah said as his head rose to meet y/n's hungry lips.

"down to my pussy, baby. please don't tease. i need you, need you now," y/n cried.

"of course, baby," hamzah grinned before diving down into the wonders of y/n's clit. "baby, just like that," y/n said.

as their lovemaking was close to complete, a familiar cooing was heard from the crib near them.

"oh shit," y/n groaned.

"babe, let me get her—"

"no, i got it since you wanna be so loud."

"i didn't moan like you did."

"i don't wanna hear it."

y/n grabbed armani on her hip and walked to the living room to get situated to see what was disturbing her baby girl from sleeping. "baby, let's watch some youtube, maybe," y/n cooed.

as she opened youtube and played some music with visuals to hopefully bore armani and lead her to rest, minutes later y/n checked on armani and found her sound asleep.

she quickly sent a picture to hamzah and added a message:

"sorry about before, just cranky. you know i love you <3"

she put her phone down and felt a buzz a second later. she looked at her phone and saw a text from an unknown number:

"xxx-xxx-xxxx: open the door, y/n/n."

y/n held armani gently on her hip and carefully opened the door to see her aunt standing there.

"titi! what are you doing here?" y/n cried, her eyes filling with tears of joy.

"i couldn't stay away, not after hearing you're about to become a mama," her aunt said, embracing y/n and armani.

hamzah appeared in the hallway, his face lighting up when he saw y/n's aunt. "thank you so much for coming," he said warmly, giving her a hug.

"of course, anything for my niece," she replied, smiling at hamzah before turning her attention back to y/n and the baby. "let me see my great-niece."

y/n carefully handed armani over to her aunt, who cradled the baby lovingly. "oh, she's perfect. you two did a wonderful job."

the family spent the rest of the night catching up and sharing stories. y/n felt a renewed sense of strength and comfort with her aunt there, knowing she had the support she needed to navigate motherhood.

as the night grew late, y/n's aunt stayed with them, offering to help with armani so y/n and hamzah could get some much-needed rest.

before they headed to bed, y/n and hamzah stood together, watching their aunt gently rock armani to sleep.

"we're really doing this, aren't we?" y/n whispered, leaning her head on hamzah's shoulder.

"we are," hamzah replied, kissing her forehead. "and we're going to be great at it."

y/n smiled, feeling a wave of contentment wash over her. "i love you, hamzah."

"i love you too, y/n," he said, pulling her close.

they stood there for a few moments longer, savoring the peaceful scene before finally heading to bed, ready to face the beautiful adventure of parenthood together.

tokischaaaa talks: wow, im tired, love yall <3

taglista: @1800-love-me <333

[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[matthewmurdockswife]

Hello!! Could you please do one where Tony Stark is the readers dad and he finds her SH?? Thank you!

Iron brusies x tony stark (platonic)

Tw: self harm, depictive description of cutting, anxiety attack, hitting,

a/n : guys im always here to talk feel free to talk to me about anything at anytime good or bad my messages are and will always be open you can even send me a anonymous message in the req box if thats what you need to do Talk to me or a friend theres always someone there for you if you look hard enough I promise

I never felt like enough, which is unexpected when you’re constantly put out into the media and are being portrayed as “the happiest person alive” everyone wants my life many envy my family and my life style but not very many people understand it, and I mean truly understand it. Underneath the media personality I had to put on as an avengers daughter and a future avenger hid many scars.

It started a few years ago on accident I was shaving my legs when I accidentally sliced myself. But my reaction wasnt the same as it used to be, instead of being upset I was relieved. It felt like an escape and from that moment foward it felt impossible to stop

“ hey kiddo” My dad walked over to me while I leant against the kitchen island “hey” I remained looking at my phone my voice was faltering and was sure to give me away I didnt need my dad knowing about how I felt. If I ever wanted to be an avenger I cant have problems like this I cant let anyone see me weak.

He had stopped his movements, looking at me he reached out to touch my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me he always seemed to know something was up. without looking I pushed off the island without a glance or a word. I couldnt let him see me break. No one can see me break.

Everything felt out of control, my world was spiralling and so I went to the one thing that put me in control. My razor blades. I took the elevator up to the secluded floor I knew what I was doing in order for me to not get caught I had to think smart. I had this memorized, never say where your going, never go to that floor with another avenger and never use your own room.

I told friday the floor number remaining as composed as possible the cracks in my voice a dead giveaway “ mrs stark are you alright your blood pressure and heart rate have dramatically increased” taking a deep breath I reply to the ai “im fine fri” using an irritated tone in an attempt to conceal how im crumbling apart “ are you sure mrs stark? I can contact your father if needed” fridays tone questioning and concerned “im fine friday im just not feeling well” And I darted out of the elevator the moment the doors where opened

I opened the drawer containg the one thing I needed my razor as I smashed it against the floor over and over again until the metal blades broke free and I grabbed one and pushed it into my leg letting the metal drag across my skin. The blood dripping down my leg.

my hands shook and my body trembled one more I told myself each time. one more and ill be okay one more I kept repeating it over and over again in my head like a melody, a mantra like a prayer for help

my hands shook I felt my mind scream a blood curdling scream when I heard the thing I dreaded most. a knock on the door “hey kiddo you alright friday said you felt sick do you need anything can I come in”

i was panicking i thought i had this covered i thought i could be smooth about this i thiught i coukd do this and no one would know the thought of my father finding out about me about what i am what i do what ive become is enough to start sending me into a anxiety attack “ im about to have a shower” my voice was faulty and a dead give away and i covered my mouth trying to stop the broken sobs from escaping my lips anymore then they already had .” dont lie to me friday said your heart reate was through the rough whats going on kiddo” I let a sob escape my mouth but quickly covered it I heard a sigh and then a click

the door had been opened it was my greatest nightmare my breathing quicked as I lunged full force at the door trying to keep my dad out but he had had the advantage he was standing I was flipped onto my stomach as he pushed open the door once again

“ why are you on the floor kiddo c’mon stand up” he reached under my bicep as attempt to help lift me up “ NO” I screamed ripping my arm from his grasp looking up face stained in tears my dad’s expression written of pure shock guilt washed over me my emotions reaching an all time new high

I felt that drowning feeling begin again in my chest and then in my stomach and the voices in my brain began chanting on how I had messed this up, how it was all over, how I was worthless.Any negative comment anyones made on me being thrown at me by my own mind I scrambled to sit up against the tub holding my legs to my chest gasling hard for air. I was having an anxiety attack in front kd my dad who sat there eyes wide motiomless and wearing a shocked expression he came to sit down next tk me stroking my back while I sobbed wildy he pulled me into his chest while I fought against him throwing weak haphazard punches and his shoulder screaming kicking and crying to be let go off but he knly held me tighter and stroked my hair gently shishing me quieting my cries as he had done when i was younger to console me .

only then did I relax into his embrace

only then did I allow myself to be vulnerable

only then did he notice the multitudeof faded and fresh marks on my legs including the ones I had just freshly reopened

only then was I honest and opened up about the past two years of hell I went through

only then did I begin to see my dad differently as someone who understood what I had gone through because he had gone through it himself. I gained a new appreciation for my father that day, I’ve never been better and I owe it all to him

A/n

girlie im so sorry i didnt even see this lol sorry It took me so long to get around to. anywho sorry if this wasnt what you meant also sorry if this is bad its like 1 am my eyes are burning 🤭 love you guys never be scared to reach out for help, and always drink your water <3 bye loves

[beesmygod]

So in like novel writing circles (the ones I jerk in at least) the advice is to just cut the "boring" stuff as much as possible if you can't make it ya know not the boring bit- even if you just fill it with fun character interactions or something- BUT obviously webcomics are a different medium and one known for its ability to go on very long times and (at its best at least) use that sorta allowance to explore a lot of a world etc etc, so after seeing your posts about people maybe not liking the AGS "boring bits" (note: I've never particularly felt AGS had them if only on the basis of like filling it with fun character stuff etc) what you think about that in terms of structure and pacing and such in webcomics

its a relief to hear that people arent bored stiff by a comic that started out as a "monster of the week" type and has drastically changed into slice of life with criminal conspiracy or whatever it is now. it has a point, i swear. it took me some time to see it forming in the ingredients i laid out but i see it clearly now

the slow drip-line nature of webcomics is what makes the medium truly uniquely exhilarating and also uniquely frustrating lol. most webcomics update a single page at a time, right? and you have to keep in mind while making your longform story-driven webcomic that you're juggling entertaining two different readers: the archival reader and the per-update reader. these readers are, by the nature of the medium, going to have wildly different experiences with the text. what is quick and breezy for the archival reader can be prolonged torture for the per-update one. the per-update reader might have been waiting to finally pay off for literal years, building a type of tension that the archival reader will never be able to experience themselves.

a comic a week is a breakneck speed for people doing all the lifting themselves, but only ("only") equals out to 52 pages a year. i do 2 a week so for me its approx 104 and its been 10 irl years to get to this point in the story. i also make my money "per page" because i think i should only be paid for work i actually do. so each individual page has a literal dollar amount attached to it that hovers over my head like the axe i mentioned earlier. it is extremely hard to try to make every page "worth" what people pay for it, knowing how precious money is when times are tough. and also just, you know, because people going out of their way to click on my page should see something worth seeing.

i spend more time with these pages than anyone so i get sick of looking at and thinking about them long before anyone else even sees them. one problem ive noticed is that i will come up with what i think is a funny joke and by the time the page is done, its not funny anymore and i struggle to imagine other people laughing at it. then i think "i dont want to read this, why would anyone want to read this. this sucks."

recently i had to re-read my own old pages, something i dread having to do, and was dismayed by how it read in the archival sense. in my attempt to make every page "worth reading/making" every page ended with a punchline and developed a monotonous rhythm i've been trying and failing to get out of. iambic pentameter ass comic.

i forgot my point. uhhhh san dimas high school football RULES

[aneurinallday]

The Tragedy of James Steerforth

Chapter IV: Old Friends

“Mr Bradbury, I don’t understand,” David protested. “You don’t like the rewrite? But your feedback last week was so positive. You assured me that I was on the right track.”

The man behind the desk lit a pipe and began to puff, filling the cluttered office with the potent smell of expensive tobacco smoke.

“Things change, Mr Copperfield. There’s a lot of competition out there. We need to be careful what we put our stamp on.”

On the desk between them sat a thick manuscript, lovingly penned and carefully bound. Calligraphed on the front page in graceful cursive was the title: The Personal History, Adventures, Experience and Observation of David Copperfield the Younger of Blunderstone Rookery.

“Is it too fantastical?” David asked, picking up the manuscript and nervously cradling it in his lap, “I admit, I did change some names and physical attributes, but only to protect people’s identities. Everything else is truthful. This is the story my life, as it happened, with no embellishment. This is my complete and honest autobiography.”

“Mr Copperfield, we’re not going to publish this.”

“But I - oh.” David paused. “Forgive me, I don’t wish to argue, but I’m just - I’m just confused. At our previous meeting, you praised my writing so highly. Are you sure I can’t change your mind with another revision?”

“It’s not the writing that’s the problem, Mr Copperfield. It’s you.”

“Me?”

“The truth is, we’ve received a report about you.”

“A report? About what? From whom?”

“From an old school friend of yours. He gave us a review of your character that contradicts your memoirs. He said that when you were boys together, you got him into all manner of trouble - running around London, wreaking havoc, sneaking out of the dormitory at night to visit strumpets.”

“What!” David exclaimed, “Sir, none of this is true, I swear. There was occasionally some trouble, but nothing serious. Just boys making fools of themselves, as boys do. I certainly never hired the services of any ladies - I didn’t even know how!”

“Is that so?” Mr Bradbury leaned forward. “Your friend said that you had rich benefactors who kept your pockets full and your reputation spotless. He also said - ” the publisher lowered his voice to a whisper, “ - that you got the clap off a trollop, and you travelled all the way to Yarmouth to see a doctor under a false name, to make sure it stayed hush-hush.”

“But that’s absurd! I went to Yarmouth to see my childhood friends! Ask them, they’ll tell you the same thing.”

“I don’t know, Mr Copperfield. Your friend was quite credible. He spared us no details.” The publisher inhaled deeply from his pipe. “It seems you’re not exactly the poor, tragic orphan you portray yourself as.”

“What can I do to prove these accusations false? The Peggotty family can corroborate my version of events! Ask them!”

“You mean the Peggotty family who were promised a cut of your royalties? I’m sure they’ll say whatever you tell them to say.”

“But - ”

“Mr Copperfield, I recommend you seek publication elsewhere.”

Silence filled the office. David trembled for a moment, then gathered up his things, rose stiffly, and bowed his head with a jerk.

“Before I go, may I ask…this gentlemen who claimed to know me at school - who pretended to know so much about me. What was his name?”

“I hardly have to divulge that.”

“Are you going to tell anyone? The other publishing houses, I mean?”

“No, this’ll stay between us. Anyone unlucky enough to pick up your manuscript is welcome to deal with you. Good day.”

“...Good day, Mr Bradbury.”

David left the publisher’s office in a daze, walking past rows of printers and binders busily churning out novels. He held his hand-written manuscript close to his chest, as if to shield it from sceptical eyes who would tear its narrative to shreds.

Stepping out of the arched doorway of 85 Fleet Street, he paused to glance up at the view above him - a stern, seven-storey façade of pale bricks. Barely a half-hour ago, he’d walked in that door with a heart full of hope, and now he was walking out with his fledgling career in tatters.

“What’ll I tell Agnes?” he wondered. She’d been so happy to see him excited about his new contract. He could already hear her voice reassuring him everything would be fine, giving him perfectly sensible advice. Sometimes he wished she would be less supportive and more cruel, just so he could feel like he deserved her.

Tears stung his eyes as he walked the streets of Central London, but he blinked them away, breathing deep to steady himself. It took him a minute to realise somebody was calling his name.

“Daisy! Daisy! Look over here!”

He turned to see a familiar figure approaching him. He recognised the ostentatious hat, the dark head of curls, the fine coat.

“Steerforth?” he gasped. “Can it be?”

Steerforth’s silver-handled cane tapped on the pavement as he drew nearer.

“Don’t look so surprised, Daisy. You know I can’t stay away from you,” he teased.

David stared at him in disbelief. They stood eye-to-eye, and Steerforth extended his hand. Remembering his manners, David hurriedly tucked his manuscript under his arm, and shook Steerforth’s hand.

“James, you’re back! I had no idea you were in London! My God, why didn’t you show yourself sooner?”

“It’s a dull story. How’ve you been, Daisy?”

“Me? I’ve - I’ve been fine. But what about you? Nobody’s heard from you in weeks! We thought maybe you’d left the country again.”

“Oh, nonsense,” Steerforth waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been living my life, same as always. You know me - nothing ever keeps me down.”

“But after the storm and the beach, we - we parted on such bad terms, we weren’t sure if you were ever coming back.”

“That’s in the past. I had to move on eventually.”

“But what about your mother? She’s been losing her mind, searching everywhere for you. Why haven’t you been to see her yet?”

“That’s my business, Daisy.”

“I know, it’s just…You could at least write her a letter. Or send a messenger if you don’t want to see her in-person.”

“Maybe.” Steerforth’s expression turned serious. He leaned on his cane with both hands, and sniffed. “Listen, Daisy. Back at Yarmouth, back on the beach…that whole affair with the Peggottys. I’ve been feeling quite awful about it. Do you think I can be forgiven?”

“Well, I can’t speak for them. But I forgive you.”

“Really? Despite everything I put you through?”

“Really,” David said firmly, “You’ve made some…poor choices, but I believe you to be a good man.”

“You don’t hate me, then?”

“No, I don’t hate you. I never have - I never could.”

“I appreciate that, Daisy. I really do.” Steerforth looked very solemn. “I know things can’t ever be the same as they were, back when we were boys. But still, it would mean a lot to me if you forgave me. The things I did, the things I said…They were terrible. Truly terrible. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course, my friend,” David sighed happily. “Of course. Whatever happened between us, I’m just glad you’re home safe.”

He was indescribably relieved. Relieved that his once-closest companion had turned out to be a good person after all. Relieved that he no longer had to live in a world where they weren’t friends.

“Thank you, Daisy.” Steerforth’s seriousness went away, and he grinned again. “Anyway, enough about me! Tell me what you’ve been up to. How’s the writing going?”

“It’s going well. I’ve published some short stories in The Morning Chronicle, and now I’m working on a full-length book.”

“A book? How wonderful! Is that it right there?”

He pointed to the manuscript under David’s arm. David instinctively tried to hide it.

“Yes, it’s - well, I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but it’s an autobiography.”

“No need to be embarrassed, my darling Daisy. Your life has had enough ups and downs to fill a thousand pages. You might as well earn some money off it.”

“That’s true…”

“So what did the publisher at Fleet Street think of it?”

“Well, they were pleased with…Wait, how did you know I’d found a publisher there?”

Suddenly, Steerforth grinned. He widened his eyes and trembled his lip in an expression of mock earnestness.

“Mr Bradbury, I swear, he was out of control!” he exclaimed theatrically, “Even at a young age, it was like he had the devil in him. All of us were afraid of him, but we went along with everything he said, because we feared he would make our semester a living hell. Mr Bradbury, for the sake of your poor readers, please don’t let him spread his lies any further! The man he pretends to be is not the creature he was!”

David couldn’t speak. Steerforth burst into laughter.

“I swear, no matter how many years go by, you’re still as much of a dullard as you were back at school. When I look at you, all I see is that scared, lonely little orphan on his first day, so desperate to make friends, so eager to please. Hanging on my every word. Tripping over himself to make me smile.”

As he stared at Steerforth’s laughing face, it took David a moment to realise that he’d been fooled. Steerforth wasn’t sorry. He had no regrets about anything. He’d only feigned remorse as a set-up to this punchline. The bigger the twist, the greater the satisfaction.

“The look on your face!” chuckled Steerforth, full of glee. “Of all the pranks I’ve pulled, this was my favourite.”

“Prank?” David uttered, “James, you cost me a contract that I worked very hard for. Because of you, I was dropped by Bradbury. Now I have to start all over again.”

“Oh, cheer up, Daisy,” Steerforth scoffed, “There are other publishing houses in London. I’m sure your grand monument to self-pity will be flying off the shelves in no time!”

“How could you do this to me?”

“Typical Daisy - so virtuous he can’t even take a joke.”

“What you did was no joke, James. You could’ve ruined me.”

“That was the idea. Good day!” Steerforth tipped his hat merrily, and walked away.

And so ended David’s first meeting with the reborn Steerforth.

As David watched him go, he considered the many years of friendship that had preceded this quarrel, and began to wonder if they’d been an illusion. Had Steerforth ever really liked him? Had he ever seen him as a friend? Or had he merely seen him as a pet, an amusing novelty?

Upon David’s arrival at Mrs Strong’s school, Steerforth had been the first to extend the hand of friendship towards him. He’d taken the lowly orphan under his wing, becoming his mentor and protector - defending him from bullies, even while being a subtle bully himself. Whether it was motivated by sympathy or by a condescending sense of charity, it was an act of kindness for which David would always feel grateful.

And from that day on, David had loved him. How could he not? Everybody loved James Steerforth. James Steerforth was everything: rich, stylish, handsome, funny, clever, and seemingly without flaw. He’d been the most popular boy at school, beloved by students and teachers alike. The sort of boy who was welcome everywhere he went, the object of admiration and adoration from all.

As the years had passed, Steerforth had proven himself to be selfish and irresponsible. His money and privilege had made him carefree and inconsiderate; and time and again, he’d treated other people poorly. Not because he meant to do so, but because he lived in a world where none of his actions had consequences, and where he’d always been sheltered from the reality of human suffering. Adulthood had brought him little maturity, and he’d charmed his way through life in a never-ending quest for pleasure, oblivious to the trail of destruction he’d left in his merry wake.

Yet still David had worshipped him. None of Steerforth’s shortcomings could ever dampen the gratitude that David had felt towards him.

And then, one fateful summer, David had made the mistake of inviting Steerforth on a trip to Yarmouth, to visit the home of the Peggottys, his childhood friends. There, Steerforth’s wandering eye had been caught by Emily, the fiancée of Ham Peggotty. The rest was history.

It was a mistake for which David would always blame himself.

“I should’ve known better,” he muttered as he began to walk in the direction of home. “I should’ve known you’d cause trouble. You always do.”

But the sabotage of his publishing contract was a turn of events that he could never have predicted. This wasn’t the misguided prank of a careless young man, but a deliberate act of malice, inflicted by a venomous and vindictive soul.

The Steerforth who’d returned from Yarmouth was…different. On the night of the storm, he’d lost something - perhaps his self-worth, perhaps his dignity, perhaps his sense of right and wrong; David wasn’t sure what. But it seemed that the best part of Steerforth had been lost with the sinking boat, leaving only the worst part behind.

Chapter V: The Uninvited Guest

[tiannasfanfic]

Wisdom

Eddie Munson x Reader (Fluff)

| Masterlist | AO3 Link |

Summary: You finally get your wisdom teeth taken out and your best friend, Eddie Munson, is there to take care of you afterwards.

Rating: General

Author Note: Gender neutral reader, they/them pronouns, if any. Here's a little bit of fluff to go with all of our smut for Kinktober. Based on when I got my wisdom teeth taken out and the hilarity of me waking up from anesthesia. The only thing I remember about any of this is the tongue thing. Everything else I was told about second hand from my parents.

CW: Dental problems (wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth removal with no details except for proper medical definitions only); pain; pain medication used for post-op pain; side effects of anesthesia and pain mediation (loopiness, nausea, mentions of Reader throwing up due to medication); mention of IV but no details.

Word Count: 2,112

There comes a time in everybody’s life where a certain rite of passage happens. It’s an unpleasant one that everybody dreads.

Wisdom teeth removal.

While most people would have it done right away if they had the means, you put it off. You didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t that you were scared about it. The idea of having them taken out didn’t bug you at all since they’d be knocking you out cold for the procedure. It was the idea of recovering with all sides of your mouth hurting that intimidated you.

After three years of putting it off, you finally hit your breaking point when both of your bottom wisdom teeth were so impacted you had regular, painful flair ups of TMJ and were infected to the point you had to be on antibiotics for three weeks before the oral surgeon could even touch you.

Needless to say, your dad, your best friend Eddie Munson and his uncle, Wayne, weren’t very happy with you that you let it get that bad.

That was why when your dad got called out of town for work two days before your surgery, he immediately called Wayne and Eddie. Your dad was supposed to take you to the appointment and look after you for a couple of days, so he was afraid if you had to reschedule, you’d just cancel it completely. After seeing you be in pain almost daily since you were 17, no one wanted that. A new plan was quickly formulated.

Eddie would take you to and from the appointment. Since your dentist expected the recovery to be rough at first with how bad it was, Eddie would stay with you for a couple of days until you had recovered some.

It was a simple enough plan.

At first, all was going well. You couldn’t eat or drink after midnight, so your appointment was early. 8:30am, to be exact, so you went ahead and got your prescriptions the day before, then stayed the night with Eddie to make sure he got up. One thing he would never be accused of in his life was being a morning person.

Surprisingly, he got up easily when Wayne woke you two up at 6am when he got home from work.

“Course I’m getting up,” Eddie said groggily, sitting at the edge of the bed and rubbing his eyes when you teased him about it. “I hate seeing you in pain and you know I would do just about anything for you.”

That made you warm inside. While Eddie was your best friend, you had fallen for him ages ago and had kept quiet about it. That was a line you didn’t want to cross since he was your closest friend. Outside of him, your dad and Wayne, you couldn’t count on many people. If you told Eddie how you felt and the friendship was ruined, that would effectively cut the list in half. That was something you definitely wanted to avoid. Your feelings had been bottled up for a long time now, and that’s exactly where you intended to keep them.

Surprisingly, you didn’t get nervous about the procedure until you were already in the chair with the IV in. They had you count backwards from one hundred, but you were out cold before you even reached ninety.

Thus ended your part in the whole fiasco.

And it would, indeed, become a fiasco.

Two hours later, Eddie was woken up from his nap in the waiting room to the news that you were awake and ready to go home. The nurse led him back to your room so they could go over post-op care with him since you were, in the nurse’s words, “a little loopy.”

Loopy didn’t even begin to cover it.

Despite the fact you had just gone through a little bit of surgery, you were in the best mood Eddie had ever seen you in for the entire time he’s known you.

“Weddy, muh wuv!” you exclaimed as soon as he walked in.

Eddie took one look at you and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

Between the gauze you had in your mouth and the mild swelling already starting through your cheeks, you reminded him of a squirrel who had its mouth packed full of nuts.

“Ah mah gawd, Weddy!” you said, making grabby hands at him so he’d come closer. “Ave ah avar tald ewe ow uch ah’m in ove wit ewe? Ike, fer eel?”

That was the moment Eddie realized weed highs and anesthesia highs were two completely different things. Between the obvious slurring from that and the gauze, he didn’t have a clue what you just tried to say.

“Hey there, Princess,” Eddie said, chuckling as he came over to the dentist’s chair you were sitting in.

As soon as he got close enough, you dove halfway out of the chair to wrap your arms around his hips in a bear hug. You also headbutted Eddie right in the crotch in the process. Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly hard, but it was definitely hard enough to make tears spring up in his eyes and his knees wobble.

“Easy there, Princess,” he gently scolded you, a slight strain to his voice from the impact.

He grasped you by your shoulders to sit you upright in the chair before you could lean over anymore and fall out of it.

Right as Eddie was about to pull away and stand upright, you grabbed his face in both of your hands and kissed him.

Or, tried to, rather. You just kind of latched your lips onto his bottom lip and sat there, completely still with your eyes closed.

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle then, and gently pushed you back down into the chair. You pouted, which looked especially pathetic with your slightly swollen bottom lip.

It didn’t take long to go over the post-op instructions, then Eddie pulled his van around to the side entrance the nurse brought you to in a wheelchair. It took a few minutes to load you up because you kept jumping out of the van and back into Eddie’s arms before he could get the door closed. He finally had to go back around to sit in the driver’s side and coax you in while the nurses helped you climb up into the van.

The drive back was uneventful for the first half of the half hour trip. You were a chatterbox during that time, though Eddie still couldn’t understand you. One sentence sounded like, “I love you, Eddie,” but he knew that wasn’t what you said. As much as he wanted you to, he knew you really didn’t feel that way about him.

Then, halfway home, you started freaking out for apparently no reason. He ended up pulling over and calming you down but still couldn’t understand what you were trying to say when he asked you what happened. You finally took some of the gauze out then to explain.

“Thomething wath moving in my mouth and it thcared me.”

It was your tongue. You had noticed your tongue moving between the gauze while you were talking, and it freaked you out.

A couple of minutes after Eddie pulled back onto the road, you suddenly got quiet for the first time since you’d been out of surgery. Eddie looked over to see your face twisted in a look of discomfort and you were holding your stomach.

“Feeling sick?” Eddie asked and you nodded rapidly.

Eddie started speeding a little since he knew how much it sucked throwing up in a moving vehicle or on the side of the road. The nurse had warned him nausea was a potential reaction to being under anesthesia, so that wasn’t a surprise.

As soon as he pulled up to your house, he cut the engine, jumped out of the van, and ran up to the door to get it unlocked. He figured that would make it easier for you if he went back for you rather than make you stand there while he got it open.

However, he had barely gotten the inside door open when he heard the sound of running footsteps behind him. Eddie turned around just in time to see you stagger running up on him. He jumped out of your way, holding the screen door open for you as you ran inside, making a bee line for the bathroom while very obviously trying not to fall over.

Eddie quickly got the passenger door of the van closed so none of the neighborhood cats would get in, then hurried to check on you.

By this point, you were on your knees in front of the toilet, leaned over it and holding onto the bowl for dear life. He had seen this pose a couple of times after you’d had too much to drink. Since there was nothing in your stomach, the throwing up amounted to just dry heaving, but it didn’t take very long before you were sobbing, too.

“Throwing up after surgery sucks,” you whined into the toilet as Eddie held your hair and rubbed your back.

At least you had realized you needed to take the gauze out before you started throwing up. It was sitting next to you on the floor, so all Eddie had to do was throw it away rather than fish it out of the toilet.

It didn’t take very long before you felt okay enough to let Eddie help you up and lead you to his bed, where you not so gracefully fell onto it. Since you had been told to dress comfortably in loose clothing, you were already basically wearing your pajamas. You were in a loose t shirt and pajama pants, so you wouldn’t have to change. You had even forgone a bra since you didn’t want to mess with one when you got back.

Eddie helped you get in a more comfortable position and pulled the covers up over you. You ended up falling asleep shortly after that and this time Eddie was positive he heard you mutter, “I love you.” But, as much as it made his heart skip, he knew it was just the drugs talking.

The fiasco continued later that afternoon when you discovered the hard way that the painkillers you were prescribed made you sick. This time, it wasn’t just passing nausea and you spent quite a while with your head in a trash can. That understandably made you refuse to take anymore, but you were in a lot of the pain after the last of the anesthesia and Novocain wore off. It kept you up all night, which kept Eddie awake.

Eddie spent most of the day trying to think of a way to help you when an idea finally occurred to him.

“I know you can’t smoke,” he said. “But I can try shot gunning it to you instead. See if that helps.”

You were ready to try anything at this point and readily agreed.

The first hit from the joint went well. Eddie kept his lips a safe distance from yours to avoid bumping into you. You kept your eyes closed as you slowly inhaled the smoke through your mouth. Still though, it felt intensely intimate to Eddie, and he had to keep himself from trembling above you.

The next few hits weren’t as intense for him now that he knew what to expect, and he managed to get through a full joint by shot gunning most of the hits to you. After about an hour, when it did indeed seem to be helping, he lit up another joint to start the process again.

Eddie didn’t notice how he got closer and closer to you with each shotgun. He didn’t notice it when he lightly pressed his lips to yours, or your eyes snap open wide since his were closed. He didn’t even notice it when he did the same thing a few moments later with the last hit off the joint.

But he did notice it when your hand came up to rest softly along the side of his face.

Eddie’s eyes few open and he finally realized he was actually kissing you.

After a moment, he pulled away and your eyes came halfway open. A sleepy, high smile came across your face.

“What took you so long?” you asked him.

Before Eddie could formulate a response, you yawned slightly and turned onto your side, eyes closing. You were asleep before he knew it, leaving him sitting over you, blinking.

That had to be the pain and the weed talking…right?

Had to be.

[juni-ravenhall]

i saw some post about gender bathroom stuff and its so hilarious as a swedish person to read those. i may have said this before already but 99% of bathrooms here are unisex and theyre just actual small bathrooms, not stalls. that makes them generally comfortable and safe, combined with not being something you have to walk into a hidden hallway for... youre not any more vulnerable in there than anywhere else at the place really, bc its not out of the way.

the only places off the top of my head that have gendered stall bathrooms is the airport, ikea, and one of the cinemas. they do exist but its just rarer. all the schools ive been to except 1 had unisex bathrooms without stalls. (outlier was junior high... all bathrooms were trashed and in a bad state regardless of gender afaik, it wasnt a great school. but there were also unisex bathrooms here and there that u could use instead.)

ive never heard anyone complain about these unisex bathroom in my life besides general "that particular location has dirty/broken bathrooms" type thing, which is obvs an issue any sort of bathrooms can have no matter if unisex or gendered.

i feel like ppl who havent experienced normal Actual Room unisex bathrooms dont get that what u need to be mad about is the fact that companies / institutions / government / etc are REFUSING TO SPEND MONEY on building proper Actual Room bathrooms and cutting costs on building shitty stall bathrooms (both on the cost of building separate rooms, the space it requires, and on cleaning and maintaining it etc).

its not that theres anything wrong with this type of unisex bathroom at all. people with money just love to not spend money on useful things for humans if they can instead save that money and be nasty selfish assholes. it should be a given to design safe and comfortable unisex bathrooms that are real rooms in every public building that its possible, even if it costs more than building and maintaining shitty stall bathrooms. i dont respect any dumb fucking rich ppl cutting costs on good things ever.

also, as a person with IBS and stomach issues in general, and who was bullied throughout my life, i feel extremely uncomfortable and unsafe when i have to poop or fart in the stall types of bathroom bc its just so open and audible to everyone. which can make me avoid doing that which in turn can create further health problems or stress and anxiety. there are so many reasons why i would hate seeing those stall bathrooms everywhere and as a queer fat person ive never felt comfortable in any gendered bathroom or locker room ever so its always insane seeing ppl say they think those are somehow okay. theyre not okay.

only actual, unisex, single person privacy is acceptable, everything else is a violation of your privacy in order for someone to save money.