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soundspeachytome · 7 months

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dusty and fraulein (shohei ohtani au)

summary: your asshole cat falls in love with your new next-door neighbor and takes shelter in his front porch while displacing his poor dog, dusty, and a whole lot of chaos in between ensues.

tropes: enemies to lovers, next door neighbor dynamics, dog parent x cat parent, fake dating, small town romance, pure, pure fluff and romance only.

word count: 11.2k

this is far from my original writing style but i hope you have fun reading as much as i had writing this! (if there are any inconsistencies, sorry in advance!)

other notes: i had patterned the two characters loosely after lorelai and luke and stars hollow as the town. *swoon!*

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.

=================================

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

You squint through the harsh back light of your phone and see the time: 8:47 AM. It is barely brunch and you hear loud music and conversation from outside your bedroom window. You pull the covers over your head and try to go back to sleep but the sound of a hammer being pounded on wood disrupts your journey back to dreamland.

It also doesn’t help that your head also feels like someone is drilling it into concrete. For a split second, you wonder why you even let that much alcohol enter your system on a Friday night, and why no one stopped you when you were such a lightweight. You try to remember the events from the night before and then it hits you: you caught your boyfriend–now ex!--sexting with an intern at his office through the messages on his phone. You were not the type to scour through your boyfriends’ phones but it was supposed to be dinner date night with pasta and Sauvignon Blanc when Jack’s phone lit up from the kitchen counter. You were busy preparing cutlery when the phone dinged again. You thought it was important from work and since you had been very open and comfortable with each after a year of dating, taking a peek would not hurt.

Nothing could have prepared you for what you saw.

Jack, despite being a successful finance analyst, the smart, bookish type, the one who can compute numbers in his head in about 5 seconds or less, apparently was not smart enough to keep his notifications hidden or at least try and cover them up like a serial cheater would. Not that you wanted him hiding anything from you, but at that moment, seeing the thirst traps and the disgusting follow-up sexts from his notifications bar were enough for you to hurl his precious PS5 from the fifth floor of his apartment building and leave the crime scene with the wine and pasta in tow.

You don’t know what happened after because you left while he was still in the shower, his apartment thrashed, with a note which you left that says, “For the record, I faked all my orgasms during our sexy time. Veronica ❤️ seems to love your *mini* performance though! PS. If you’re looking for your PS5, try looking down from the balcony, asshole.”

Love is a lie, you scoffed. You let the remnants of last night’s hurt consume you for a little bit more and cry under the covers. You cried until your eyes tired, until the weight of your head felt heavier than a bowling ball. You thought about staying in bed for a few more minutes when a boisterous laughter interrupted your thoughts. The laugh was followed by incomprehensible sentences. The voice came from a man probably in his late twenties, deep, jovial and friendly. You couldn’t make out the words from this distance but he sounded like he was giving instructions, volume fading in and out every now and then. Then more manly laughter. You didn’t know why but this person had a distinct laugh that you found very pleasant. You wonder somberly if you could laugh like that again.

You jolted upright and went for the door. You will definitely be happy again soon but first, coffee.

The best hangover fix is a steaming cup of coffee with a plate of bacon and pancakes. You poured yourself a hot mug of coffee and suddenly felt unstoppable, like you’re actually happy, at least temporarily. The pounding in your head has subsided but the drilling from nextdoor hasn’t. You must have new neighbors, the way you’re seeing movers coming in and out of the moving truck parked outside. You tried to catch a glimpse of this neighbor causing all the ruckus but were unsuccessful as the trees lined beside your porch were covering your line of vision. From behind you, you felt your cat, Fraulein, bump her head on your ankles, purring audibly.

“Looks like the new neighbors woke you up too, huh?” She yawned and continued looking up at you.

Fraulein, a female American shorthair of three years, stood around nine pounds with her stocky legs and long, proportioned tail. Her fur was a thick orange coat with faint white stripes covering most of her body. She was nameless when you picked her up from the animal shelter. She was barely five months old at that time and despite being smaller than the other cats, she had snuggled up to you when you reached for a pet. When you scratched her head and heard her purr loudly, you knew right then and there that she was the one for you. She was the friendliest, clingiest and most loveable thing you have in your life, and despite her “orange cat personality” as most people had dubbed, you wouldn’t replace her with anything in the world, not even for your hound dog-looking ex, Jack.

She did a big stretch as you picked her up while you stood idly by the window. As you stared outside, Fraulein’s purring sending you in a trance, you suddenly notice a pair of eyes looking up at you from the front lawn. Those eyes should not be there, and more importantly, the pair of eyes belonged to a dog standing just mere inches from your flowering shrubs, tail wagging. If this dog takes another step, they could ruin the gardenias you’ve been trying to grow.

You step outside and try to shoo the dog away when it suddenly jumps and barks.

“Hey! Get away from my garden!” You try to stay calm as the dog continues to bark and come playfully near the shrubs. Your heart sinks when his paw accidentally steps on the stems of your peonies. You’ve been meaning to pluck them this week so you can replace the wilted ones from your vase.

“Oh my god… Please go away! Shoo!” You desperately waved the dog away but it continued to jump excitedly and roll around, probably thinking you were out there to play. Fraulein, who was still in your arms the entire time, started getting restless and was hissing at the dog’s direction, her untucked claws boring into your skin. That’s when you saw a man, probably over six feet tall, rushing towards the dog. He had thick black hair and the widest shoulders you’ve ever seen.

“Oh my god, Dusty! What are you doing here…” He put a leash on the dog, whose name was probably Dusty, as you have heard, and carried him with one arm.

“I’m so so sorry! I was inside the house and I didn’t realize Dusty escaped from his leash.” His big brown eyes complemented well against his slightly tanned skin. With your obvious height difference, you had to look up at him from a distance without hurting your neck.

“He almost ruined my flowers,” You started to say, eyes still locked in his. If you hadn’t forced yourself to look towards your garden, you would have been sucked into his creamy brown orbs.

You assessed the garden from the mini scuffle. There was a bit of overturned soil from some of the shrubs, especially from the peonies getting the most damage. The stems have been slightly bent, almost breaking from where it stood.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sosososorry! I didn’t mean to–I mean, Dusty’s still young, he’s very playful and…”

“I was planning on cutting them this week, anyway. Your dog has to stay away from my garden, though.” I pointed at the lopsided peonies, almost looking like they have their hands up in the air, waving sideways.

He looked so apologetic that he almost looked like it was his fault. He tightened his grip on his dog, Dusty, who looked so small and well-behaved being cradled by a big-bodied man. Meanwhile, Fraulein has not relaxed one bit after that quick garden mess and had her claws out, clinging to my threadbare sweater.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll keep a tight leash on her. I’m Shohei Ohtani, by the way. We just moved next door, so I guess we’re neighbors now. I’d offer my hand right now, but I’m afraid Dusty would jump out of my grip. ”

Now that you are able to look at his face carefully, you realize that he was fairly handsome. Correctly proportioned face, dreamy brown eyes, and a smile that invited first love butterflies kind of vibe. He was also tall and definitely bulky over that black long-sleeved sweater that was folded up to his elbows. You could tell he dedicates a good amount of time to his body.

“So that explains all this noise so early in the morning.” You say with an almost sarcastic tone of voice. You didn’t mean it and you were willing to forgive them for the morning ruckus but the garden mishap and the mini-heart attack you had for your plants had somehow added to the list of how-to-piss-your-neighbor-on-the-first-day. And you’re really bad at moving past your first impressions of other people.

“Are all cat people always this cranky in the morning?” He commented cheekily, displaying a playful expression in his eyes. This man named Shohei is trying to get to you and it’s definitely working. For a first conversation, it surely is getting on your nerves to be read so openly, and in your own premises, at that.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s just an observation. Cat people seemed to be more emotionally charged than dog people.” He said matter-of-factly and continued to smile. He’s handsome but he’s also starting to be annoying as hell. What does he mean by that? Does he want to show off that dog people are better than cat people?

“Well. If we’re going to talk about stereotypes here then I must say dog people are careless people-pleasers who hogs the attention and only cares about being liked and do not give a rat’s ass on taking up other people’s space and boundaries. I’d also offer to shake my hand but I’m afraid my cat right here might scratch your dog’s face for ruining our morning.” You stared hard at him and slowly backed away, returning to your porch steps.

“Nice to meet you, too, I guess! I would suggest chamomile tea and tone down on coffee!” He waved cheerfully, as he exited the lawn and walked towards his home. You turned your heel and slammed the door shut loud enough for him to hear. Fraulein jumped out of your grip and mewed almost as angrily. She darted toward the kitchen and went out of sight.

“What a weirdo… If Fraulein doesn’t like him then I don’t have to like him, too.” You muttered to yourself and moved to the bathroom to take a shower.

You spent your afternoon in the garden, watering and cutting the flowers in full bloom. You wore your oldest t-shirts with a print that says “I Wet My Plants” under your pink square overalls and a sun hat to protect you from the sun. You were listening to your beloved Birdy mix on your headphones as you tended the prettiest flowers in your garden, muting the noise of the world.

I know I was stupid to let what we had go to waste

Why does everything I love always get taken away?

Ghost in the wind calling you to take me home

Ghost in the wind crying, where do I belong?

Can anyone hear me now?

“Can you hear me, Y/N?”

“Agh!”

You almost jumped out of your skin when a hand touched you lightly in the arm. It was Patrick Sandoval, your high school best friend, and sometimes main supplier of Fraulein’s flea medicine. You forgot that he was visiting today.

“Whoa! Extra jumpy today?” he smiled his Colgate-white smile and cocked his head to the side. “Coffee overload, again?”

Suddenly you remembered what your new neighbor had said during your first encounter this morning. Naturally cranky… Tone down on the coffee… He had no idea to be assuming things like that, not when you had just literally met.

“Jack cheated on me and I was hungover, okay?” You grit your teeth through the mention of your ex. Like the stench of his name made the bile climb up your throat. “I decimated his PS5 into tiny cracked pieces.”

“Oh, shit, man.. I’m proud of you.” He put you in a half-embrace and patted your head. “Do you need me to break his legs for you?”

You giggled, arm still locked around his waist. “No, but I took one of his expensive wines so that evens that out for me, I think. I don’t care.”

Patrick looks at you and wonders if he arrived too late today. He notices the dark bags under your eyes and your puffy face, probably a result of crying all night. He wondered if you had been crying all morning, too. He couldn’t help but lean in and give you a full, bear hug.

“Just let me know if you need us to file a restraining order, babygirl.” You snorted and buried your face under his embrace, thankful for the assurance. Patrick has always been your rock since high school. When your first boyfriend ditched you in prom, Patrick was there to rescue you when he wasn’t initially supposed to go; you ended the night with stomachs full of pizza, sparkling soda and belly laughter.

You and Patrick had been for each other’s rarest moments throughout adulthood: gushing about your first times, your first heartbreaks, getting into college, graduation… you even wondered if both of you are just teetering from the sidelines, waiting for each other to do the first move. You always brush the thought away because to do that means risking your friendship with him. You don’t want to lose him, not even as a friend.

“By the way, I’m just here to drop these medicines for dear ol’ Frau that you asked.” He lifted a paper bag with a cute animal picture and his pet shop name printed across it. Paw and Order.

“Thanks, Patrick. I could’ve picked them up if you called.” Patrick has been the sole pet doctor in town which contributed solely to his success. Seeing how much people nowadays prefer taking pets instead of bearing children, he took the opportunity to put up his own pet shop and clinic; you and Fraulein have been number one customers ever since.

“It’s my pleasure, milady.” He did an elegant bow, to which I returned a curtsy, and giggled. “I’m also here to let you know that I’ll be on a business trip for two weeks. So this will be sort of my goodbye.”

“What kind of business trip takes two weeks long?” You don’t really want him to leave, especially with the holidays approaching, you had planned to spend it all with him.

“The kind where your father wants you to venture to a new business spot and spend the holidays with him and his new family.” He shrugged and looked at you, hoping you’d stop him from the impending family mess he’s about to go to, but you only scrunched your nose.

“That sucks, man. You’ll miss all the fruitcakes.”

“I know, dude.” He pouted. “How are Frau's fleas, by the way? Did the medicine work last time?”

“Sure did, she’s better now. Speaking of which, where is that old hag?” You haven’t seen her since early morning’s commotion. The last time you saw her she was napping by the window of your bedroom.

“Just call me if you notice anything weird. The medicines should be enough while I’m gone.”

“Leaving already?”

“First thing in the morning, bub.” He said. “I’ll miss you.”

“Frau and I will miss you, too!” And the two of you embraced in another warm hug. When you both pulled back, he helped you pick up the basket of freshly bloomed flowers you had collected for the day and went back inside the house. You had given him the extra jar of lemon iced tea you’ve been saving for a particularly warm day like this.

~~~

It’s been a whole day that you haven’t seen Fraulein. She usually wanders off hours in a day but she always returns by dinner time. You were starting to worry as the sky slowly turned pitch black. The lampposts turn on, illuminating the streets. You turn the porch lights on, too, and leave her bowl of food and water by the doorstep, in case she decides to come home late into the night.

~~~~

You wake up to a high-pitched yowling outside. You’re not exactly sure where but you know that sound from anywhere. You bolted down the stairs with your sleeping robe undone and ran towards the lawn. You can’t see anything until you hear it again.

“Nyreooow!”

Soon, a dog howls and you run towards Shohei Ohtani’s house.

You see Fraulein perched on top of Shohei’s porch, her entire back arched defensively, ears twitching backwards. She was hissing at Dusty, who was whimpering loudly below the porch steps and looking terrified. In your panic, you run to the lawn to pick Fraulein up.

“Fraulein! What are you doing here?”

Dusty continued to bark loudly, trying to come near the door where Fraulein stood. She hissed menacingly at him.

At that exact moment, Shohei Ohtani emerged from the front door, yawning and trying to get sleep out of his eyes.

“Whazhapeninhere?” He yawned, looking clearly disoriented from suddenly waking up.

“Your dog is trying to attack my cat!” I yelled, trying to go near Fraulein but stepped back as Dusty blocked your way.

Shohei popped awake as soon as he heard Fraulein hiss at Dusty once more; Fraulein arched her back more and raised her claws in defense.

“Whoa, hey!” Shohei ran up to Dusty and cradled him in his arms like a baby. Poor dog was shaking and whimpering.

“Are you sure it’s not your cat trying to attack my baby?” He raised his voice. He was standing a few feet away from you and looked you up and down, noticing your loose sleeping robe and looking away.

“Poor baby getting scared by a cat,” He cooed silently, helping Dusty relax.

You walked up the porch when Fraulein hissed and scratched your arms when you picked her up. She wriggled from your grasp but conceded defeat when you scruffed her by the neck, immobilizing her.

“I don’t know what’s happening here, but please stay away from my cat.” You looked at both Shohei and Dusty sternly. He noticed the scratches on your hands.

“You’re bleeding.” He started.

You looked down on your hands and saw visible red scratch marks. They started from the middle of your arm all the way to the back of your hand.

“I’m fine.” You huffed, trying to walk away as fast as possible. You don’t know what time it was, but it could easily be past midnight.

“No, wait. Please, I have antiseptic soap inside…” He rushed towards the house, when he looked back and saw you frozen on the steps, he beckoned you and disappeared inside. “Come on.”

You stood there for a moment and contemplated if you should follow Shohei inside. You barely know the guy and every encounter you’ve had with him always ended in a screaming match or a passive-aggressive exchange. He might even be an ax murderer for all you know. A very handsome one, at that.

“Frau, if something happens to me, please know that I love you.” You held her near your face. “Third drawer by the sink is where I kept all your catnip”. You whispered to her ear and walked towards Shohei Ohtani’s home.

~~~

Shohei Ohtani’s home was, first of all, very clean. It did not reek of anything a dog owner normally would smell like. It had the occasional puppy toys around the living room, but much to your surprise, it was spotless. It also smelled like sweet rose and laundry detergent. You also discovered that just like you, he lives alone.

Shohei had put Dusty inside a retractable gate to keep him safe from Fraulein as you put her down on the floor. He busied himself looking for his first aid kit. You don’t notice any other pictures on display except him and Dusty and one with his complete family on the refrigerator door.

His tall frame reappears and he pulls you towards the kitchen sink. You soak your arms under the water and he hands you the antiseptic soap.

“Thanks,” You mumbled. He never left your side and waited until you finished rinsing off, then took your arm and put cream on the scratch marks. He was standing unbelievably close, you could almost see his long eyelashes as he had his head down, concentrating on his self-appointed task.

He also had his other hand holding you tight, as if to make sure you won’t run off suddenly.

“I have these at home, you know.” You trained your eyes on his fingers dabbing cream. Don’t look at his arm veins, Y/N. Don’t look at them. Don’t look. Don’t.

“Oh, gee. Why didn’t I think of that?” He mused to which you rolled your eyes. Once again, the magic had worn off.

“Do you really have to sound sarcastic all the time?”

“C’mon, lighten up. Besides, it happened on my property so I feel partially responsible–even if it was your cat’s fault.” He shrugged.

You coughed at his accusation. “Fraulein does not instigate fights. She is well-mannered and prim all the time, thank you very much.” You pulled your cream-covered arm away from him. Just then, you notice Fraulein bumping her head on Shohei’s legs, mewling softly.

“How would you then explain the fact where your cat steals Dusty’s bed from the front porch?” He said, crossing his arm, Fraulein on the other hand, was still headbutting Shohei on the legs.

“Oh, she did not.” You retorted. Why would she steal someone’s fray-looking bed when she has her beautiful beige 2-condo tree tower with a capsule nest and dangling balls and a charming basket-weave style oval bed at home? It didn’t make sense. “She only sleeps in the beds I bought her.”

Shohei gives you a funny look and fishes his phone from his pocket. “Well, you’re in for quite a shock, I guess.”

He shoves the phone to you after tinkering with it for a while. “That’s your cat at 30:56 right?”

You look closely, a bit disoriented at what he was trying to show you. CCTV recorded footage of his porch outside where his dog, Dusty, was sitting in his dog bed, playing with his puppy chew ball, when suddenly, you saw Fraulein enter the frame from the left.

“It doesn’t show anything.” You impatiently looked on, disbelief and denial dripping from you.

“Oh just you wait.”

Fraulein was moving slowly, watching Dusty and his toy. A few minutes pass by, the video captures Shohei exiting the front door and Dusty follows him playfully, at which, the dog bed was obviously vacated, and Fraulein took the opportunity to lay on it.

Shohei cops the phone away and crosses his arms across his chest. “The court finds the defendant guilty.”

It took you a moment but gasped dramatically at the realization. “Was she here the entire day yesterday? Napping on your dog’s bed?” You looked at Fraulein with sheer disapproval. “Fraulein von Hammersmark, that is not how female felines behave.”

Shohei stifled a laugh. He was leaning over his stomach and ears red. “Relax. I don’t mind at all. I think Dusty does, though.” He picks up Fraulein calmly and gives her scratches on her head. Fraulein purrs loudly.

“She has been napping here all day since morning and seems to enjoy watching her new neighbor work out in the front lawn.”

You grimaced, making sure you showed him your disgust. “Ew, weird flex but okay.”

Dusty whimpers as he looks at the scene from outside his gate. You walk over and give him a light pat on the head. “Dusty, blink once if you need help.”

“Oh, please.” He giggles. “I’m not the weird one for naming my cat Fraulein von Hammersomething.” Shohei returns Fraulein to you, your arms touching, his head closer to yours momentarily.

“Y/N. I wonder what the weather is on your side. You want to wear something warmer than that?” He pointed at your loose sleeping gown, your legs showing a little bit of your thigh. A little more movement and the knots would dangerously slip out of your waist and reveal your lingerie.

“Pervert.” You instinctively covered your chest and ran back home, arms carrying Fraulein and the weight of shame for being almost half-naked inside a strange man’s house.

~~~~

The next few days after that incident were spent with writing articles for an obscure lifestyle website and your part-time work at the bookstore in town, Novel Nook. You ride a 30 minute bus ride to the town square everyday for work and wait 15 minutes in line to grab a cup of coffee from the coffee shop beside it. It doesn’t feel like work at all because you are always surrounded by the books that you love. It took you a long time to realize that working 9-5 in an office cubicle with ugly fluorescent lighting was deteriorating your mental headspace and when your mom passed, you jumped the gun and submitted your intent to resign.

You removed all the baggage you kept from the city and only brought the ones that mattered to you: your cat, your big books, some pretty clothes you never wore in the city but are wearing freely and confidently now, and your memories of your mom. You flew seven thousand miles back home to the place you were meant to be all this time, and you couldn’t be happier and more content.

You were walking sluggishly back home from a tiring day at work at Novel Nook where two teenagers fought for the last copy of The Hurricane Wars and it took all your energy to de-escalate before they could start pulling each other’s hair. You can’t wait to kick your boots back, hug Fraulein and maybe continue reading a book.

Your house is on the opposite side of the bus stop so you always (almost begrudgingly) have to pass by Shohei’s house every time. Sometimes it would be quiet with Dusty playing alone on the porch, or Shohei having a barbecue and would always cheerfully waving at you while you just give him a brief nod. Recently, you’ve grown accustomed to seeing Fraulein hanging out in his place more often than you have imagined. She’s like a teenage girl rebelling against her overbearing mother, hanging out with the wrong crowd. After that incident with Dusty, she has claimed dominance on his bed, Shohei had no choice but to buy a new one for his poor dog, while Fraulein smugly walks around in her new territory.

You had developed some sort of weird neighbor-dynamic with Shohei after that. On days Fraulein had to take her medicine shots that Patrick had given you, you’d walk towards his house and pick her up like some sort of pet daycare. Shohei likes to call it “daddy daycare” as if you’re two divorced parents and he is the cool dad that all the kids love hanging with while you’re the uptight, overbearing mother with full custody and all, that the kids hate.

“Fraulein, your mom’s here.” Shohei said one day, looking up from his laptop which was perched on the table he had set up on his porch, sitting adjacent to Fraulein. Dusty was chewing on his toy, as usual, and perked up a welcome upon seeing you.

Fraulein stands and stretches her back and sits back again resting on Shohei’s foot, to which Shohei smirks almost smugly. “She loves her dad more, it seems.”

You roll your eyes and pick up Fraulein. “Stop calling yourself her dad before I burn your house down.”

“Ooh, an arsonist for a neighbor. That’s so sexy, Y/N.” He looked you up and down and wiggled his eyebrows. “You’re too cute to go to jail, though. How about going out with me instead?”

“Piss off. C’mon, Fraulein, time for medicine.” You turned and walked back to your home, trying to keep a straight face at the being called cute with Shohei. You’re too cute. You made the mistake of looking back as you turned to your corner and saw Shohei grinning at you.

This day would be no different as you passed by Shohei’s house today and saw Fraulein napping at the exact same place on his porch. He was working out doing ab crunches on the ground. You decided today, you wouldn’t dare to go on another episode of sarcasm battle with Shohei and go straight home. He was wearing workout clothes of course, with his gym shorts and sleeveless shirt, for all the temptations in the world, this one, you had proudly resisted and warded off like the devil.

You found Dusty on your lawn, sitting by the patch of grass far from your flowers, thankfully, and staring far ahead into the direction of your home. You patted him and tried to get his attention. Ever since being displaced by Fraulein, he had been giving you frequent visits and play in your yard and you’d give him treats from your secret stash.

“Hey, bud. Were you waiting for me?” He ignored you and continued to look on.

By the door, you can see a tall black figure standing, unmoving. It was a man in a black suit with hands in his pockets. When he turns around, you see a familiar face.

“No,” You whispered. Jack smiles at you and waves, as if nothing had happened almost a month ago. As if he was just returning from a business trip. Like cheating on you was nothing.

You started panicking and heaving heavily. Dusty senses your fear and barks at Jack when he slowly walks over to you.

Dusty continued to growl and bark at Jack while you tried to move backward, feet heavy like lead.

“Stop, don’t come near me, Jack.” you struggled.

“Y/N, I’m here to apologize, for whatever happened, for whatever it made you feel.” He was still slowly walking towards you, eyeing Dusty carefully.

“We have nothing to talk about anymore, Jack. It’s over, in case you forgot.”

“I said come here, you bitch.” He growled.

At this point, you only realized you were shaking terribly when a hand wrapped on your shoulder, calming you down.

“Are you okay?” It was Shohei’s voice and you have never felt so relieved to hear his voice. You weakly put your arm around his waist and leaned on him. You were still shaking badly, from the exhaustion, or the fear, you couldn’t tell.

“Is everything okay?” Shohei acknowledges Jack who stopped at around five feet from where you were.

“We were just discussing something… private.” Jack shifts his eyes between you and Shohei, who was sizing him up and down. Between Shohei, who stood over six feet tall, bulky, and ripped, and Jack, just around five foot nine, body somewhat lean and lanky, Jack didn’t stand a chance.

Realizing this, you found more comfort and confidence in your plan. You looked up to see Shohei still trying to converse with Jack while keeping a firm arm around you.

“Shohei.” He looked at you cautiously and tightened his grip on your shoulder.

Please promise me that you won’t get mad at what I’m about to do.

“What is it, Y/N? Who is this guy?” he said.

“He’s my ex who I want nothing to do with.” He straightened his back but you pulled him by the neck so you could whisper in his ear.

“I’m so sorry, Shohei.”

“I’m not sure I understand–” He tilted his head in confusion. Jack starts moving forward again, looking almost pissed by just looking at you and Shohei.

With Shohei still leaning forward, you desperately grabbed his cheeks and pecked him square on the lips.

Shock induces both Shohei’s and Jack’s faces when you pull back, eyes focused on Jack and hoping to God he’d get the message. Wild red alarms blared and rang loudly in your head, you just kissed Shohei, your hot and annoying neighbor! You just kissed him! You ignored this and focused on the problem at hand.

“He’s my boyfriend, Jack. Please leave now–”

Shohei recovers from his shock and kisses you back in bigger, wider and longer strokes of his tongue. The tremors in your body shook harder and you felt your limbs melt into a puddle of water. Shohei’s big warm hands were there to catch you as your knees unbuckled.

You kissed back and forgot everything that was happening in the background. Dusty barking, Jack’s shell-shocked face, the vehicles passing by the street witnessing your spectacle. You ignored all of this and focused on the way Shohei holds on to your body from your neck, to your back until it rests to the back of your waist, gripping tight, his firm and taut body pressing hard onto you, and his lips sliding over yours so smoothly, stimulating all the senses in your tongue and mouth.

You don’t know how many seconds passed when you stayed inside that bubble but when you both pulled back for air, Jack was no longer there and Dusty had stopped barking. Instead, he just sat quietly on the ground, waiting for you to finish.

You stared at Shohei and you stared back at him. Your hand was still on his neck, half-gripping the nape. You slowly let go and pull away. It’s always after the sin that you feel the shame and guilt.

He doesn’t let go and instead takes you by the shoulder. “Come inside first and we’ll talk.”

You nod wordlessly and follow his lead. You couldn’t walk properly anyway, so you didn’t want to fight back. Your knees felt like jelly and your brain full of fog. That was hot, you thought, but also very wrong.

You sat at Shohei’s dining table chugging a glass of water. By the time you finished, he sat there in front of you and continued looking at you intensely.

In your post-kiss and post-Jack clarity, you’re now too embarrassed to admit the way you handled that situation. But Shohei, being Shohei, seemed unfazed. For the most part, he found it amusing to be part of your ex-boyfriend escape plan, of all the people.

“A man never listens to a no,” You were too focused on the rim of the glass. You want to look anywhere but Shohei’s mouth. “And I was desperate for him to get away… so I did.. That.”

“Y/N, you were trembling out there. What exactly has he done to you?” He removed the glass from your grip and made you focus on him.

“He… I… He’s an asshole when he gets angry. And I was just scared I wouldn't be able to refuse him. I don’t want him anymore.”

“For someone as arrogant and snappish as you, that’s pretty hard to believe.” You rolled your eyes at him and smirked, lips looking luscious and fuller than the last time.

“Look, I was probably having a panic attack back there, and I’m okay now, see?” You spread your arms widely, faking a smile at him. You’d like this conversation to end so you could run back to your house and ram your head to the wall. The more you stay in Shohei’s presence, the more embarrassed you feel about wanting and enjoying that kiss. You did. You do. And you want more.

“I wanted an easy way out, you happened to be there and I grabbed the moment.” You rambled on. “And that kiss, it was just a one-time thing.”

“A one-time thing?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, it was a mistake. We don’t even like each other to kiss, so we can forget about it.”

“Is that right?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Yes, tomorrow, we act like it never happened, okay?” You stood up and started collecting yourself. You hang by the door and look back, Shohei had his arms crossed against his chest, staring at you.

“I don’t know, Y/N. That seems pretty unforgettable to me.”

~~~~~

The following morning, you woke up early to visit the farmer's market to replenish your cupboard. You wore black tights over your long beige dress and a gray cardigan. You put your hair down in loose waves today and replaced your contacts with your old prescription eyeglasses.

Sprawled in front of you were tents and tables of farmers and sellers of freshly harvested fruits and vegetables to your heart’s content. Almost everyone you knew from town was there on a bright day like this. You said your hellos and some, who were avid customers of Novel Nook, asked about the new book releases. Since it is a fairly small town, it is inevitable to spot the ones that you direly wanted to avoid. For example, your ex-boyfriend Jack.

He was standing one tent away and seemed to just idly window-shopping. You put your head down and try not to meet his gaze or look at his direction as you busy yourself looking through a good bunch of tomatoes.

“Hey, Y/N.” You put your guard down and suddenly he is in front of you.

“What are you doing here?”

“Trying to… buy some tomatoes?” He sneered, holding a tomato in his hand. “I don’t see your boyfriend around.”

“I…He’s… Can you please stop following me?” Cold sweat ran through your spine as he noticed you fumble, noticing your lie.

“Lest you forget, I live here, too.”

“Not in this side of town, you don’t.” You walked away with the bag of tomatoes you purchased. You moved quickly and avoided the throng of people that was starting to build up.

“I just want us to talk… Y/N. You didn’t give me a chance to explain yesterday.” He continued to follow you, hands behind his back. He was obviously not there to buy tomatoes.

“I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave me alone or I’ll call the police.” You looked at him sternly, hand gripping tightly on the basket you were holding. One false move and you just might smash his head with a whole pineapple.

“No boyfriend to come save you now?” Jack chuckled.

“There you are.” A familiar voice sprung up from behind, and a hand snaked around your waist. Shohei was suddenly beside you, holding on to his own basket of shopping bags. “I was looking all over for you. Look, I got you blueberries for the cake you were planning to bake. ”

Shohei pinched your sides and smiled, nodding at you to play along with his little act. You forced a wide smile and said, “Wow, yes. You remembered, love? Thank you.”

You both turned to Jack who had a repulsed expression on his face. He coughed up and tried to get back his composure, but it was too late as both of you were already walking away. Shohei did not let go of you even until you turned a corner. You couldn’t care less about shopping anymore as you worried about running into Jack again.

“It looks like your ex is adamant on following you around.” He whispered to your ear, looking back and seeing Jack following far behind. “Care to give him a show, love?”

You widen your eyes as you realized what was about to happen.

He moves his head closer to yours and locks you in a wet kiss. He pushed deeper into the kiss when you unconsciously opened your mouth and let him in, mouth and tongue. The smell of clean detergent mixed with a little bit of vanilla filled your lungs, slapping you drunk. The second kiss was just as good as the first.

Shohei suddenly pulls back from the kiss and offers his hand, and continues walking along like he hadn’t sucked the air out of your body.

For a few more tents, you and Shohei walked around hand in hand in the cold morning, picking fruits and vegetables like your typical neighborhood couple. Many onlookers saw the two of you eating from the free taste section, or arguing about the right vegetable size to buy, or just happily chatting with his hand not letting you go.

“Shohei, I think Jack’s no longer around.” You motion for him to let go of your hand.

“Aw, I thought we weren’t acting anymore, the way you were kissing me back there.” He smirks and lets go of your hand, missing his warmth already.

“I’m only letting your hand go because you look like you’re going to topple over with how heavy this basket is.” He took your groceries from you and led the way. Since you’re practically almost living together, you have no choice but to walk with him awkwardly.

“Thank you, Shohei.” You said quietly, walking feebly behind him.

“Didn’t catch that, love. What–” He wheels around and stops himself after realizing what he said, the tips of his ears turning red. You tried to keep a straight face but failed as both of you got caught in the moment.

“Don’t get used to it.” You giggled and skipped your steps, leaving him to carry all the shopping bags he refused to let you carry.

~~~

You were slowly settling down for the night with a movie on and a bowl of buttered popcorn when you heard a faint knock on the door.

Shohei was standing outside with his hands in the pockets of his checkered pajama pants. On his feet seems to be a brand new pet backpack carrier.

“Special delivery for one order of queen of meowtown, clingy and fuzzball Fraulein!” He beamed and pointed at the carrier. Fraulein was sitting relaxedly inside.

“Don’t be shocked or anything but I accidentally bought two of these.” He pointed at the carrier. “I-I thought you’d like to have one for Fraulein. You don’t have to accept it i-if you…”

You smiled as he stammered on. “This looks really cute, I love it.”

Shohei smiled widely and helped push the carrier to your living room. “Then I'll give this as a gift!”

“It would be improper to receive a gift like this...”

“I refuse to accept no, Y/N. Take it please.”

You wanted to mull over it, let it marinate in your head and see what happens but ever since the first two kisses you shared with him, Shohei has been… extra friendly recently. And you were not that kind of “friend”. Whenever you pass his house, he’d go out of his way and talk to you before you walk away. Asking you questions if you’re on the way to the farmer's market, or if you’re on your way to work, if you want to join him for a run. He’s been attentive and you’re not sure what exactly this dynamic has evolved into. You feel uncomfortable about the attention you’re receiving but at the same time, you feel it in your chest and in your stomach and at the tips of your fingers. The fluttering. The tremors and the shakiness of breaths. It’s always there when he’s there.

“Okay, fine. I’ll take it. But no more other gifts, okay!” You opened the carrier to let Fraulein out who walked idly away and climbed into her tree tower.

Shohei smiled, nodding. He was about to leave the door when you pulled the sleeve of his shirt.

“Wait. Um.”

He stepped back and looked inquiringly. You held up a photo from your phone to his face: it was you and Shohei on the day you went to the farmer’s market, holding hands while looking at freshly picked flowers. Shohei’s eyes squinted with laughter, looking intently at you while you were captured trying to explain something trivial. It was quite a beautiful shot sent to you by a cousin who was good at photography. More than that, if you were a stranger looking at a random photo like this, you’d think you were happily in love, and the thought made your chest flutter.

“It’s quite a small town so it didn’t come as a shock to me when people started noticing whatever this was.” Shohei was still looking at the photo, a small smile drawn on his lips.

“My mom’s side of the family is setting up a brunch this weekend. I usually bring Patrick to this but they wanted to meet you so…” You trailed.

You coughed and took the phone away. “It’s just a small group of people. And we can always say we broke up after three months or something.”

He cocked his head, looking confused. “Are we still doing the pretending thing with your family?”

“Yeah, I mean. We don’t like each other like that, right? We can just say it didn’t work out after three or four months. They usually move on pretty quickly from the guys I date.”

“Let me get this straight, Y/N.” He said slowly, the Adam’s apple on his throat went up and down as he swallowed. “You want to introduce me to your family as your fake boyfriend on your family brunch.”

You affirmed. “Yes.”

“And we’re going to cook up a reason to break up.”

“Yes.”

“And you said we don’t really like each other that much.”

“Not one bit”

“When we already had two kisses.”

“Yeah.”

“And went on a date in the farmer’s market walking around while holding hands. We kissed twice.”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“It was to me.” He muttered.

“It was because you were helping me with Jack, remember?”

Shohei sighed exasperatedly, his mood darkened. “Pssh, yeah, whatever. Text me the details. G’night.” He scooted to leave and just like that you were left all alone in a confused daze in your living room.

~~~

You spent too much time tossing and turning on your bed that night. The voices in your head and the whispers in your heart having an ongoing debate about what had happened a few hours before.

Shohei was extremely happy, almost beaming like a kid when he brought you his gift but his expression changed after you had the conversation about your family brunch. Maybe you can sit it out this year and make up an excuse that both you and Shohei couldn’t attend? Seasonal allergies? Car getting mauled? Someone’s pet dying? Gods, no. You internally smack yourself for even being near to the thought of either your pets dying, not when they’re the closest thing you have as your best friend and family. You believe Shohei believes that, too.

And why would Shohei become upset when you proposed the idea of a fake relationship with your family? You started this whole mess and it’s slowly getting out of hand, you want to nip it in the bud so it won’t have to hurt that much later on. It was just a one-time thing, an escape plan until Jack gets out of your hair, then both of you can live as freely as you had before.

Besides, Shohei doesn’t like you to be that upset. Does he? He’s just a neighbor who likes joking around and annoying you whenever he gets the chance. He also just so happens to be a neighbor that Fraulein spends a lot of time on, he’s just someone to you until recently.

You touch your fingers on your lips. That kiss shouldn’t mean anything to you because maybe Shohei doesn’t think about it that much either. He’s probably had a good number of girls that he’s kissed with that mouth. Given how good those kisses were, his expertise was undeniably top notch. You’ve never had anything like that before. A kiss that makes your insides tremble with need, almost fairytale like. Something close to what Mia Thermopolis had fantasized before her royal engagement with Nick Devereaux, a kiss that makes your leg pop. That’s what it was. A leg-popping, heart-fluttering, soul-defining kind of a kiss that you’ll ask for more.

But as much as you want this all for yourself like the next person, you just had your heart broken by Jack. Jack who had promised you the moon and the stars, and a beautiful, dreamy, family with your pets. He had you swooning and dreaming about forever. It was all perfect until that fateful date and the cheating. It hurts to realize that no matter how much you love and do better for a person, they will always look for ways to look at other people. The idea of getting into a relationship right away after what happened with Jack is preposterous at this point. The trust and self-confidence Jack broke is something you want to piece together yourself first. Even if it meant being alone for a couple of months, or years. Who knows.

You tossed to your side once again, feeling the sleep finally get to you. You dozed off soaking under the thoughts of kittens and kissing a tall man with contagious laughter.

~~~~

Shohei was filling Fraulein’s food and water bowl dutifully as you had asked, waiting for you to finish preparing for the family brunch in the living room. He had finally succumbed and agreed to go with you as your fake boyfriend, despite his initial feelings towards the arrangement. He still doesn’t understand what was going through your head but he nevertheless had stopped bringing it up. He realized that the more he asked, the more you pushed back and retreated into the dark. He decided that he’d wait for you to soften up. You always do.

And that’s how the two of you went back to being friendly with each other.

He was sitting on your living room couch with Fraulein, brushing her fur with his fingers. Just another territory she had claimed: Shohei’s lap.

“Shohei, help please!” You ran down the stairs, all dolled up. You put your hair down again, this time, you kept it naturally soft and straight. You also donned a yellow sundress that hugged your body, showing off your natural curves. The hems of the skirt go loose from the thighs down.

“Can you help me zip this up, please?” You said so casually. When you turned around and showed Shohei your bare, unzipped back, he swallowed hard.

He held your waist lightly and zipped your back slowly, as if taking his time to gape at the bareness of your skin exposed for him. When his breath touched your neck, you felt goosebumps pop.

“Let’s go.” You smiled too widely for him, trying to act like the oxygen in your house has not depleted.

Shohei was a hit with your cousins during brunch. Turns out that all of them share the same interests in baseball and baseball teams. They were passionately chatting on one side of the garden area while you helped your Aunt Olivia set up the table.

“He’s quite the personality, Y/N.” She mused.

“Wherever did you find a man like that, Y/N?” Your cousin Evelyn commented, staring back. “Woot, what a view.”

You smiled and looked at Shohei socializing with your family. The moment the two of you entered Aunt Olivia’s home, everyone stared in awe. After introductions were made, Shohei made connections pretty quickly with his bubbly personality. You can also hear his occasional booming laughter from their group.

You were on your way to the kitchen when a hand on your waist suddenly pulled you from behind. Shohei led you to the empty pantry and pushed you back to the wall, his hands up on the wall and caging you.

“Hi?”

“Hi.” He looked deep into your eyes, like he was looking for something. “Anyplace in this house, we are pretending, yes?”

“Yes, the moment we stepped out of the car. We are boyfriend and girlfriend.” You confirmed.

“Even here?” His lips shadowed lightly on yours, nose grazing yours.

“Uhm. Yes.” You breathed and that would be your last breath for a while as Shohei kissed you full on the mouth.

He kissed you frantically, with need and fervor. You put your hands over his shoulders and his hands reached the back of your leg, putting it over his waist. You stifled a moan as he bit your neck and peppered your chest with small kisses. You can’t help but push your hips forward and roll it against his.

You broke apart like a deer in headlights when you heard footsteps nearby. You pushed Shohei and straightened your clothes. You wiped Shohei’s lipstick-stained mouth and ran away as fast as you could. Shohei, who was as kiss-hungry and love drunk as you were, could only smirk at your retreating form.

During brunch, you sat with Aunt Olivia on your right and Shohei, by default, on your left side. You were trying to make conversation about the current weather news report while eating your plate of mashed potatoes, all while trying to avoid any contact with Shohei.

He noticed you have been avoidant after the hot makeout session in the pantry. He put a hand on your thigh under the table, pinching it with reassurance.

“Are we good, Y/N?”

You nodded wordlessly and smiled at him. Something about the way Shohei’s attentiveness always hits you to your core. You’ve never felt this so cared for before that it’s almost bewitching.

The party started getting up and divided: your aunts and uncles dancing happily on one side, your cousins taking selfies on the other. Meanwhile you and Shohei were left sitting comfortably by the dining table, enjoying the sweet ambiance of everyone around you.

You held his arm gingerly, almost seductively when you felt his hard muscles from his shirt. A few moments ago, you had almost stripped him naked in the pantry with all of your aunt’s condiments as your audience.

“Why are you so toned? What are you working out for?” You said jokingly, pressing on his biceps in amazement.

“I’m preparing for the next man who tries to steal you.” He leaned in and whispered in your ear. You giggled.

“No one can take me away from you!” You whispered back, resting your head on his shoulder. You were on your third glass of wine and it isn’t noon yet. You feel tipsy and giggly in the comfort of Shohei’s strong arms.

“And this is a toast to our new couple, Y/N and Shohei, may this relationship be longer than the last one.” Uncle Ben bellowed, attracting laughter from the rest of the family. They clinked their glasses and toasted for the nth time today.

You raised your own glass and sipped your wine.

“Don’t mind them, they’re always like that when I bring a guy to brunch.”

He caressed your thigh and wanted to push the button. “Which guys?”

“Hm? Oh just Jack and Patrick. Although Patrick doesn’t count, because he’s my bestie.” Shohei looked at you and wondered who Patrick may be. He felt a bubbling feeling at the pit of his stomach. Is he jealous? Angry? That he wasn’t the first person you introduced to your family. He shrugged it off. This is just all an act, anyway. Get your shit together, man.

“This may be my favorite brunch ever.” You concluded, finishing the last few drops of your wine. Shohei stole the glass from your hand and replaced it with his.

“The weather is perfect, the food is great, all of my mom’s family is here. And I don’t feel alone… thanks to you.” You traced circles on the back of Shohei’s palm with your thumb.

“Why don’t we end this with a bang, Y/N?”

Shohei’s smile invites you to a peck on the lips. He held the back of your head and gently kissed you deeply, slowly this time. You don’t resist and he doesn’t let go. You hear cheers from the background as you kiss softly. Shohei kisses you for the last time today with the hopes that it removes the uncertainty in your mind. That when he kisses you better this time, it would change your mind. He prays to all the gods that would listen.

You melt into the moment and hope it never ceases, because you go back to normal after it ends. After today, you and Shohei will be two separate people once again. And that hurts the deeper parts of you without you realizing it.

~~~~

Shohei escorted you back home after the brunch. You rode in complete silence all the way. You really really didn’t want it to end but you also didn’t want to drag Shohei into a life that you’re not a hundred percent sure of yet.

“Thank you for the ride.” You hung back at the entrance and Shohei waited, hoping you’d say something more. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

He sighed. “Wait, Y/N. Is that it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are we just gonna go back to the way it was now that you’re done pretending?” He said almost angrily.

“Well, that’s the plan, isn’t it?”

“That’s your plan. I don’t want this to end. Did you ever wonder why I had agreed to it without asking anything in return? Because I didn’t need to pretend at all. It was all real to me.”

You stood there dumbfounded at the sudden outburst of confession from him. You thought Shohei would be more than willing to go back to his old, uninvolved life with you. But he was right. You never once stopped to think why he was more than willing to help you get away from Jack, or to help you lie in front of your family.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking properly when I asked you this…” You blink back tears forming.

Shohei walks up to you and rests his hands on your shoulders. “I don’t want this to end. Do you?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for all of this, Shohei.” You squeaked, finally finding your voice.

“You’re the most attentive, thoughtful, and sincerest man I’ve ever been blessed to meet. Even I get breathless thinking how lucky I’d be if I let you in…

“This whole fake dating thing was a mess. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my problems.”

“Y/N. Please don’t shut me out. Let me in, I’d go to the trouble of warding off your ex-boyfriend if I need to. I’ll be here for whatever.” Shohei begged. You shook your head firmly.

“I’m not ready yet, Shohei. I loved every moment I have spent with you, but I need to be with myself for now.”

Shohei dropped his hands to his sides and stepped back, his eyes glistening with tears.

“See you around, then.”

You watched him walk away until he disappeared into his home. You closed your door and plopped down on the floor. The tears that you were holding back came gushing out, and finally you were bawling. You didn’t cry this hard when Jack cheated on you but when you saw Shohei walking away because of your own doing, you felt like your world had collapsed. You wept until there were no tears left to cry, until the only pain you have left to bear was the hollowness of what Shohei left. You crawled into a ball by the door, clothes unchanged, makeup running down your face. Fraulein snuggles up to you minutes after, sharing her warmth.

Looks like it's just you and me again, Fraulein.

In the next couple of weeks, you would rise early to tend to your plants, volunteer additional hours in Novel Nook so you could get home later than usual, and avoid the farmer’s market. You added wearing a baseball cap or large hats as a new fashion ensemble to steer away from eye contact at the risk of bumping into Shohei. The thing is, your efforts to avoid him were reduced to nil as you bumped into him everywhere you went. When you throw out the trash as early as five o'clock in the morning, he’d be there, warming up or jogging on your path. When you went to the farmer's market later than usual, he was also there doing after-rush hour shopping. Even administering Fraulein’s medicine time was an arduous task seeing that she still hangs around Shohei’s porch, not understanding your human conflict and emotions towards each other.

There are days when you feel better and the sun is shining, but there are also moments when you catch yourself at the brink of a breakdown. It takes a while for the loneliness to settle in like an unwanted guest, creeping over your shoulder, sometimes hugging you at night. It wasn’t this hard before you met Shohei, so how was it different now?

“All good, Y/N?” You lost your train of thought at the voice of Aunt Olivia. You couldn’t bear the loneliness and the quiet of your home that you packed your stuff and stayed for a week’s worth of vacation. She joined you in the indoor kitchen table, where you were having your mid-afternoon coffee.

“Boy problems?” she suggested. One look from you and she already knew.

“Aunt Liv, how do you know if you’re ready to love again?” You said after a moment of silence.

“You don’t.” She smiled and cupped your hands. “You fuck around then find out.”

She chuckled to herself. “You remind me so much of your mom. She was always scared of trivial matters, like falling in love.

“But when she had a good taste in it, she never looked back.”

Aunt Liv has always been fond of her little sister. Your mom. And hearing these words from her, reminiscent of how she had been when she was your age, twinged at your heart a little bit.

“I’m not the one who’d pry on your relationships, Y/N. But he’s a keeper, that boy. I thought he was joking at first, but he seems to be serious about it.”

You knitted your eyebrows together. “What do you mean by that?”

“He said something when I got him alone that day. He’d said, you were tougher than a potato under hot water. But he’s willing to wait for you to soften up no matter how hot it gets.”

Leave it to Shohei to drop potato metaphors to your relatives on their first meeting.

“When a man like that comes around, I won’t ever let him go. You’re lucky if you ever meet the same kind of man twice.”

You pondered on about Aunt Liv’s advice for the rest of the day; by nighttime, you felt an epiphany dawn upon you. The next day, you packed up and went home earlier than you had planned.

“Go get him, bubba.” Aunt Liv wished you luck. You’ll need all the luck you can get and hope it wasn’t too late.

It took you approximately an hour to get home by taxi, the car zigzagging across the street.

You don’t know why you were rushing. He wasn’t going anywhere, not to your knowledge. He will always be right where you left him but something inside you was telling you that a second more that you’re away from home, and you’d lose him.

You were trying to catch your breath as you ran on your side of the street when you bumped into Shohei leaving your front lawn, a pail and shovel over his shoulders.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He was covered in dirt from the knee up, his white shirt sticking to his body and full of sweat. He looked a little shocked and panicked at being caught mid-exit from your garden.

“I should ask you the same question. What were you doing in my lawn?” You tried to take a peek but Shohei covered your path with his wide body. “Did you bury a body there?”

“I think that’s a good idea for your fertilizer, Y/N!” He seemed a little agitated and making offbeat jokes to distract you.

“Step away. What did you do to my garden?” You pushed him with all the adrenaline coursing through you and jogged towards your front lawn, expecting a murder crime scene or worse, a decaying garden.

Instead, you saw hundreds of tulips in different shades and colors spread all throughout your garden. Purple and yellow tulips lined up the path towards your home. Red and pink tulips danced in the background, swaying every time a soft breeze brushed through.

“You’re not supposed to see it yet. I thought you’d be back tomorrow night.” Shohei said, rubbing the nape of his head, embarrassed at being caught.

“You remembered when I said… At the farmer’s market…” You stammered.

“Yes, you went on and on about how much you love tulips.” You suddenly remembered the photo before the brunch party. How Shohei was looking fondly at you as he listened to you rambling on about something trivial. It wasn’t trivial to him because it was important to you. And he remembered.

You turned around and faced him. You held out a hand and wiped a bit of sweat off of his face. “Did you do all of this… on your own?”

He nodded shyly. “That’s not all, though.” He whistled and called Dusty.

“You’re the most stubborn and one hell of a fiery woman. But you’re also the sweetest, softest, clingiest woman I’ve lucked out on. You’re so beautiful sometimes it hurts. After that second kiss, I knew right away that I’d have to fight tooth and nail for you to keep needing and wanting me."

Dusty bursted out of Shohei’s garden stringing along a reluctant Fraulein scruffed by the neck. Both of them were wearing cute red bow ties on their neck each laced with individual messages.

You pulled Dusty’s message and read, “I want to call you “mom” so will you be my dad’s girlfriend?

You squealed in delight as you unraveled the next message pinned on Fraulein’s bow tie: “I loved him first but can you keep him forever?”

You swooned and laughed at the corniness and the teeth-rotting sweetness. You can’t help but jump into Shohei’s arms and give him a big hug despite all the sweat and grime on his body.

“Ew, you got all your sweat on me.” You playfully joked at the parting.

“Hmm, you have no choice but to shower with me now.” He lifted you by the waist and carried you on top of his shoulders, both of you laughing and shrieking like newly weds on honeymoon, Dusty and Fraulein at your tails.

.This place, this scene, and this warmth spreading through your chest up to your fingertips, all of it and the familiarity of it, you realized, is the only thing you need to live a lifetime of love and happiness. You were wondering where it was all this time and you understand now that it had been right beside you all along.

#shohei ohtani au #shohei ohtani imagines #shohei ohtani pov #shohei ohtani fluff #it's giving autumn girl red taylor's version color grading

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hedgehog-moss · 1 year

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Hello! I'm moving to the north of France in a few months and my property has ample space and a barn, so I am considering getting a donkey. Is there anything that you didn't know before buying donkeys or any big obstacles you faced that you didn't expect, even after doing your research? I know you have talked about how finding veterinarians that really care about your donkeys is hard. Is there anything else a potential owner should know?

That's really exciting news! The only donkey-specific advice I can think of is stuff you've probably already encountered if you started doing research, like make sure you find a farrier who is familiar with donkeys, as their hooves are different from horse hooves and should be trimmed differently. And make sure your donkey has a shelter—the llamas hardly ever use the shelter I've built but Pirlouit often spends entire days in there if it's raining. I've read somewhere that unlike horses who have waterproof coats to some extent, donkeys who have evolved as desert animals just get soaked to the bone. But other than that they're quite hardy and can live outside year-round, no need for blankets or anything.

Also a donkey really needs a friend. When I sent the llamas away for a few weeks Pirlouit was miserable and brayed constantly, even though I live right next to his pasture and he sees me every day. A fellow herbivore is probably best for company—I’ve seen chickens amongst the species recommended online but Pirou barely seems to notice my chickens’ existence, I don’t think they’re closely related enough to have any interest in one another. I've also read that donkeys can be hostile to dogs and that's not been my experience, if anything Pirlouit shows saintly patience with Pandolf ! But he's known him since puppyhood and Pan basically lives in the pasture most days, which probably helps.

The biggest ongoing Pirlouit challenge I face concerns his weight, donkeys are really prone to obesity. So unless you get an elderly donkey, make sure you don't feed him the richest type of hay in winter (and give it in small quantities at a time). I recommend using a hay net with small holes so he'll eat more slowly. I've thought of getting a hay ball for Pirlouit, but his pasture is so slopey, the ball would probably end up rolling away at unfair speeds and make him feel persecuted. He's dignified, I don't know if he'd enjoy having to run after his food like some common carnivore.

Other than that donkeys are pretty low-maintenance animals in my experience. My recurring expenses for Pirlouit (other than hay, but he doesn’t need much of it compared to a horse) are a hoof trimming three times a year, a deworming twice a year and a new salt lick every so often, and that's about it. Donkey ownership is only time-consuming in the spring when I have to figure out how to keep him from overeating. Limiting his grazing area by penning him works okay (he just gets a bit lonely)—it helps that he is respectful of fences including very lightweight ones. Which immediately places an animal in the low-maintenance category for me!

#ask #and for the people who asked—yes pirlouit is indeed named after johan & pirlouit :)

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bubbleddisasters · 12 days

Text

Bored SO

What Genshin Vision and Weapon I think Each TWST Character would have!

(I’m going solely off Vision Requirements/Traits (Ex: Anemo = Desire for Freedom) so some may seem different then expected)

Reminders:

Anemo= Desire for Freedom, often but not always accompanied with the loss of a loved one.

Geo = Strong and Unwavering in pursuing their ideals, beliefs and goals.

Electro : Eternal Determination/ Those who may be seen as strange, but will not change themselves for others.

Dendro: The Desire for Knowledge, (Plus Human Connections.)

Hydro: A strong sense of Justice and Protection/Care of others.

Pyro : Dedicating their life to their Passion.

Cryo : Resolution in moment of conflict.

—————

Riddle: Pyro or Anemo, Sword: I believe that as his mom wanted him to be a healer, which is usually Dendro or Hydro, and Riddles Passion for Order and/or Desire for Freedom and loosing his friends granting him the opposite, could be very good additional angst material. Also Swords are elegant, and the Original Beheading weapon.. Hehe.

Ace : Geo, Hydro or Electro, Bow: I think Ace fits both Unwavering Beliefs and Not changing themselves for others very well, but also Justice and Care extremely well in Book 1.

I think it would be also amazing for him to get his vision right as he gave his speech after punching Riddle. Hydro could also be very interesting and seeing Riddle be Jealous of it, as it Represents Justice and Care, and its what his mother wanted him to get, adding another layer of rage to it all, plus aiding in dowsing Riddles Flames.

Bow wise, I think the term an “Ace Shooter” was fun irony, as well as “Trick shot”

Deuce: Cryo, Claymore: You all should have seen this coming. Got it when he decided to better himself for his mother’s sake. Geo also works I suppose. Claymore because duh. Plus it would be a fun comparison to Ace having the most lightweight physical weapon.

(Chongyun 🤝 Deuce

Cryo Claymores with Hydro Boyfriends who like to prank them)

Cater: Anemo, Spear: I won’t go into full detail, but if you know Caters backstory, you know damn well why I chose Desire for Freedom. Spear doubles as a Selfie stick, would have atleast one attack similar to Charlotte’s.

Trey: Dendro, Cataylst: Trey mentions wanting to learn all kinds of desserts, and as the mediator, fits the human connections piece well. Catalyst either paints the enemy or throws baking materials / Bakes the Enemy/Decorates them.

Leona: Dendro, Spear: I can’t explain it, but Dendro just fits him very well, specifically the knowledge piece. Also Spear because its lighter weight and has range + if you’re especially good at it could probably be used while lying down. Lazy ass Lion.

Ruggie: Geo, Bow : When I tell you he was extremely pissed upon receiving his—Anyway, this man perfectly embodies unwavering determination for their goals.

Like pre-mentioned, was extremely pissed because he originally thought it was useless compared to Hydro or Dendro, but that changed when he realized he could make shelter for the people on his street and also get alot of high paying construction jobs easier.

Bow is lightweight, and easier to use while running away aslong as you have good aim.

Jack : Hydro, Claymore: Justice and Care is literally half or more of his Savanaclaw ark. It fits Jack so insanely well (or Geo but shhh). I think Hydro would be sweet because everyone expects him to have Geo because it’s tough and strong, but sike. He uses it to water his cactuses and to cool off / Hydrate during workouts. Claymore because the guy is a walking gunshow he can lift that thing with one hand.

Floyd : Electro, Catalyst: So far the hardest to choose, but also being considered strange yet refusing to change for others is very Floyd. Physical DMG Catalyst like Wrio or Heizou, I pray for the enemy. Like:

Floyd : “I’m as cold as a lion with no hair: If you ever see me fighting in the forest with a Mitichurl, HELP THE CHURL. Cause that b*tch gon need it-“

Jade: Dendro, Sword: Knowledge and Jade go hand in hand. Also his plant obsession makes this funnier. Sword is very elegant but deadly, that also fits Jade. Electro is also an option, but considering the OG Flotsam and Jetsam died via Electrocution—Oh the Irony if both of them were Electro

Azul : Anemo, Geo or Cryo, Catalyst: Desired freedom from bulling and torment? , Unwavering Determination to reach goals? Conflict and Resolution? Yea. I would go with Dendro cause knowledge, but didn’t feel as fitting. Catalyst because obviously.

Anemo could help him in the water to swim faster, and blow away Jade and Floyd as kids, but they kept coming back so he gave up. Cryo or Geo to make a octopus pot but they blew it open.

Kalim: Pyro, Dendro or Hydro, Catalyst or Spear: Passion suits Kalim incredibly, but so does Human Connections and the desire for knowledge to help others. Hydro fits in the care department, but not as much in justice.

Alot of his attacks would be similar to Yun Jin or Nilou (Dancers with Spears vibes) but I imagine his skill or run is just running people over with the magic carpet and you get to fly without stamina issues (5 star type perks lmao)

Jamil : Anemo, Spear or Sword: Desire for Freedom?!?! Thats Jamils Ark in a nutshell. Friend loss? Kalim when they were kids. (Because his parents made him stop being friends with Kalim and focus on his duties as a servant to him). I think Jamil having a Scimitar like the ones in the original Aladdin movie or a spear similar to Jafars staff would be a fun reference.

Epel : Anemo or Dendro, Claymore: Desire for Freedom coming from his own insecurities on his appearance or Desiring the Knowledge to Change it. Literally hated his vision for a long time, thought wind/nature powers were kinda stupid, useless in a fight and girly until Vil rocked his shit with Dendro in the OB fight.

Can barely lift the Claymore but by god will he try. (Similar to Razors attacks like the guy is trying his best but the claymore literally almost sends him flying)

(A bow is also a fun option and he would definitely pull a Childe and just hit the enemy with the bow itself.

Catalyst he just throws rotten / poison apples at the enemy. )

Rook: Electro, or Pyro, Bow: Strange but would never change for someone else? Rook. Passion? Also kinda Rook. I could see him receiving his vision at his first play, and using his hat to dim the light so it didn’t affect the actors and other watchers. Bow was also an obvious choice.

Has a skill that reveals all hidden quests available and how to access them.

Vil : Dendro, Catalyst : The Desire for Knowledge to attain Beauty. Saw Epel hating on Dendro Visions and took it personally. Catalyst because he can’t bother to get his hands dirty.

Idia: Anemo, Catalyst or Claymore: Desire for Freedom and Dead person you cared for? Check. Found it on his bedside when he woke up after Orthos death and called it “a Pity Prize” for him surviving. Completely pulling a Silver Wolf with the Digital / Glitch like attacks and if he has a Claymore, a Kaveh, although his little skull thing would be his Merhak.

Ortho: Non Specific (until after book 6, then Dendro), Catalyst or Bow: Kinda Similar to the Traveler, but you’d have to get into Ignihyde and use a disc drive to change his. If after Ignihyde chaps, Dendro. Similar to Nahida, Desiring Knowledge of Humans. Shoots literal laser beams at enemies.

Malleus: Dendro, Catalyst: Like Ortho, Desiring Knowledge of Humans, and from Human (I guess in this case just emotional) Connections. Specifically one day after building up the courage to hug Lilia after he helped him find Gargoyles around a town. (Accidentally called him Father in that moment, and then the Vision Appeared)

Catalyst….duh. I can see the attacks either being fireflies or mini Dragons (like how Baizhus is snakes)

Lilia: Cryo or Anemo, Bow, Claymore, Sword or Catalyst (I don’t have a bias to Catalysts I swear) : Got his after Melanors Death (F) or Malleus Hatching, and like how its mentioned Venti was once a Catalyst user in lore, and puts his bow away like one, Lilia does pretty much the same, but puts it away like a Sword.

Catalyst wise, definitely physical, bro is bouncing off the enemy and teleporting around them, same if sword. Claymore would be fucking hilarious because this tiny man having a fast attack speed while using a weapon almost the size of him is just generally hilarious. Has an attack similar to Fischls Oz , except it is instead a Bat, and yes you can fly / teleport with him.

Also like Raiden, the game prevents you from cooking as him / all the meals you make will be suspicious ones.

Silver: Hydro, Sword: Justice and Care? Silver. Definitely. Sword also seems pretty obvious, and definitely has an ability that not only has wild animals not running from you, but will come closer to you if in the area.

Sebek: Electro or Geo , Sword or Claymore: Eternal Determination and not changing for others is very Sebek, but so is Unwavering Determination to reach goals, and I think Sword and Claymore are both Obvious.

Che’nya : Electro, Catalyst: Not Changing for Others fits this wacko so well. Catalyst because obviously. His E skill makes you invisible to the enemy and wild creatures. Enemy wise, scares the shit out of them and does 80% extra damage if you hit them from behind with it.

———-

OK BYEEEE

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aeliesa · 11 months

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SAFE SPACES OF AGONY

Synopsis: When he died, you suffered in different ways, and when things are starting to go their own way, Satoru knows what to do, even if it means altering everything all at once.

• Relationship: Gojo Satoru x female reader (with mention of Suguru) • Content: Lightweight angst • Words: 2.7k • Song: Life Puzzle by Arthur Nery

A/N: I just came back for a short post. I've been away for so long that I miss writing and staying on Tumblr as my way of de-stressing. The world moves quickly, and I want to pause and enjoy the moment. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this short (?) post I wrote on my short break while listening to my playlist on spotify. There's some canon divergence but only a little. Thank you, stay safe and hydrated. ♡

“I found her first! I love her first!”

“But she chooses me; you and I both know her choices are out of our bounds.”

The rain keeps pouring, sheltering his emotions in the cold breeze and grey clouds, almost like despair is the only thing inside him. He never likes this idea, yet he has to entertain it again whenever it comes back from the dead. He detests it; however, what choice does he have? In this modernity, he is known as the strongest, the keeper of the scale between evil and good. Somehow, when it comes to you - he’s reminded how he can never have everything the way he wants to. He was born the strongest; regardless, his strength wasn’t enough to tame someone he longed to have. He sighs and gently shakes his head before raising his fist to knock on the door, only to stop mid-air and open it. “At the very least, Satoru, let me win this time.”

“We both know I already lost before it started.”

Silence engulfs the whole place; the emptiness of warmth welcomes like a ravaging wild wave that washes along the shore. The gloominess of the weather has escalated the atmosphere inside the house, the darkness, coldness, and even the silence.

It’s like walking into the abyss to save someone from falling into the pits of depression.

“You were supposed to stay on the side and let things unfold!”

“I did, but she made her move. It is not my fault that I am what she wants.”

He hangs his coat on the rack before taking the path upstairs, finding his subject. Each step he takes is also how his heart is hammering against his chest. The silence was different this time; it was a creeping sensation of something he never desired to happen, much less think of it. He shakes his head once it crosses again, ‘No, she won’t do that.’ His strides keep on going till he hears small sobs in a small distance across the door, where the only sound he hears upon entering your place. “I promised her… that I’ll return after things are okay.”

“You made her believe in something already a far cry.”

“I know, and it seems like I’ll just leave her in your hands.” Satoru opens the door, knocking gently before calling your name in a whispering manner. He could only sigh at seeing you lying on your stomach with disheveled hair, hugging the clothes of someone he once knew. “Hey….” he softly mutters under his breath, walking to your side, observing how the mood is continuously depleting each second. Satoru studies you for a while; he can tell how heavy things are for you - caught between the situation and forced to choose between right and wrong, leaving the safe spaces of neutrality.

Soft sobs are just the only answer you give. Not that it matters to Satoru; amongst everyone, you know that he’s the only one who understands you the most. When everyone dictated your emotions and actions, there he was, standing on the other side - welcoming you with compassion par to none. “I’m sorry,” you sigh, sitting on the bed and wiping your tears. “I should have prepared long ago -” “No need…” he cuts you off, making you look at him, despite the puffy eyes. “No need to force yourself. We can stay here and do whatever you want.”

“You know what I want right now, Satoru.” “Still, I don’t mind,” he nonchalantly replies, pulling a chair and sitting before you. “You like to cry all you want? Go. Do you want to just lay on the bed and think about him? Be my guest. Sulk as much as you want today, lay on the bed throughout the hours, and just be lost in your own world; I don’t mind - as long as you bring me where your thoughts go.” You close your eyes and run your hand on your temples, a cracked voice and shaky breath; you answer: “But it is like that day….” “And? If it makes you feel better, then we do it. You can’t just shut your emotions just because you were told by those around you…” he leans a little, meeting your gaze with his. “I don’t want you to make yourself suffer even more by restraining the raging emotions.”

“I miss him.” In a blink, he softens as he watches you smiling faintly with closed eyes, the redness of your. “I know…” he nods, only staring at your features. “I do, too.” Satoru observes your face; he loves them. To see you being vulnerable with him, being bossy, being noisy, being jovial - everything about you - he loves all of it. Be it the worst or not, it is worth loving as long as it is you.

A tear falls from your face, then another follows until it cascades down your cheeks. Satoru just patiently listens to your sobs as you cover your face with both hands while sitting on the side of the bed wearing the clothing of the man you love - who passed away in the hands of the same man who is comforting you. “Why did it have to happen? Why do I have to be so blind from everything? Why? Why didn’t he listen?” “It is not your fault,” he reminds you, calling your name almost like it is a fragile thing to say. “It’s never your fault.” You shake your head, still sobbing. “But it feels like it, Satoru. It feels like I failed to remind him that there is kindness in everything, that everything he saw was just the ugly side of the mirror - he was convinced by his philosophy. I saw it in his eyes!” It is hard for him, but to witness your struggle, Satoru could barely grasp the surface of what you’re dealing with. Apart from him, you suffered too when his best friend - Suguru Geto, died, if not worse. When he was losing himself is where you appear, sought after his hands to lift him from the turmoil troubling him. And yet, somehow… you did save Satoru, but who’s keeping you from going insane? “I know I don’t have enough idea about these curses, sorcerers, and whatnot, but at the very least, am I not a reminder of what you guys should protect?” you continue when he doesn’t react. “Why did it have to resort to such violence.” “You are,” Satoru assures, still sitting on the chair and watching you pouring your heart out on him. “You are a reminder, the thin line that keeps me holding on to what I should be fighting for.” “But I am not enough,” your voice cracks again. “I am not enough because it happened, Satoru. In your hands is where Suguru died, and I never resent you for it.” As he listens to you, Satoru remains silent for a while, losing himself in a reverie of his memories with the man you longed to hold, feel, and love. “If you’re concerned if she’ll hate you once this is over, I’ll tell you this, Satoru: she won’t.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because she’s unlike any other.”

His friend has nailed his words. Suguru never lied whenever it was about you. At some point, it felt like Suguru knew you better than Satoru, even though the latter crossed paths with you first. You were the ray of sunshine, the bringer of hope, and the beacon of their humanity, the constant reminder of what they are protecting. Unlike them, you were just an average citizen caught in the fight of the cursed users. Yet, the accident was the turning point for the weaver of faith to write your own life. Caught between two worlds only to stay in the grey line for so long, content with living on both sides of the reality you’ve come to witness. “Do you hate me for it?” You paused, looking at him despite the messiness of your face. “Hate? Where did that notion come from?” you ask, bewildered. “I already told you I never resent you for what happened.” “J-Just a t-thought. I wouldn’t blame -” “Never did it cross my mind,” you cut off. “I understand you were backed against the wall and forced to do it. It’s just… I am upset with the situation; why doesn’t evilness just disappear? It is frustrating at some point. I could only watch you guys do your thing while I waited for everything to finish.” “That’s not true, you -” You gently chuckle with a crying tone, “Oh please, don’t sugarcoat it. It’s always been like that since the beginning. We both know I can’t do anything except wait for my friends to return from their missions. Sometimes, it’s hard to witness this stuff and turn a blind eye to it occasionally. In some situations, I must deal with the constant fear that I will not see you again walking inside my house; I had to beg the Heavens on my knees, called upon the saints and whatever deity graces my pleas.”

Satoru very well knows it; he’s the one who placed you in that situation, and along with it is the burden you had to carry. Selfish, it may seem, but to love you from afar is far from his desires. He pulled you, placing you where he believed was the best place for you to walk, which, in the same manner, is the same line that he can hold you. For whatever it is, Satoru couldn’t let your hand fall from his grasp, even when you were suffering in two worlds: between the life of the blindsided and the curses. “I can’t also lose you, okay?” you smile, still crying, facing him. “I can’t lose you too because losing Suguru is too much to handle, and I could not go on if you also will leave.” This time, he sighs and shifts his seat, pulling you into a hug as he sits beside you. “You. Will. Never. Lose. Me.” His firm voice came like a dulcet to your ears; a safety net for you to fall, a wall for you to lean on, a home for you to feel secure. The fervent of Satoru’s words is for you to hear and for him to fulfill. His words are carved amongst the stars that align with the destiny that holds the fate of your relationship with him. “You better honor that because the last guy who promised me is dead.” He nods, closing his eyes and kissing your temple softly. “My words carry the weight of my actions, and the universe is a witness as I say that even if all of me will cease to exist, I will still find my way to you,” he brushes your hair gently, “In this agony is where you’re drowning yourself to the extent of destruction but in all of everything, you will always see me seeking for your hand to reach you even if you’re on the other side; be it the doubts and anxiety, I'll give you peace and tranquility, and if not, then I can be the safe space that will shelter you against the world cruelty of the world.” “Promises… again.” “I meant it,” he says with determination upon sensing the reluctance, calling your name. “I mean it,” he repeats. “You two are indeed best friends,” Satoru gently chuckles at your comment. “Suguru also says the same.” “Well, it’s like they said… your friend is a piece of who you are.” You sigh, nuzzling your head; soft hair tickles his neck, making Satoru feel the tears against his skin. “If he could just be here with us, I miss him…” he tightens his hug around you. “So much….” you add, biting your lower lip and reciprocating the same intensity of embrace.

As the room fills with your soft sobs, he can only rub his hand on your back as you keep pouring your heart out. He knows the pain of losing someone and the vigor of mourn brings is beyond what each human can grasp. Pain is profound; it goes deeper than what an individual perceives. For you to be in a state of wreck for months already speaks the volume of how the death of his best friend break you.

It has been months if not almost a year - and you changed drastically.

“Weeks before that event happened, he promised. He promises me that he’ll come back, that we celebrate his birthday together - with you and Ieiri…” you sniff, “But here we are on the very day, remembering him wrenchingly.”

The rain outside continues to rampage, but your room's dimness worsens everything. The atmosphere is already hard enough, but for Satoru to see you like this? He wishes to end your suffering, but how can he? The chances were laid on the table, and the choice was yours.

Satoru placed you in the midline that meets the norm and the other side… but Suguru gave you the choices to pick. “We can do something different. If you want, we can still go on with our initial plan.” “No,” you shake your head, breaking the hug. “I can’t give you that pain; it is selfish and immoral.” He frowns, “What do you mean? We always do this on Suguru’s birthday.” “Yes, and this time, I want it to stop.” “Why? Did I do something wrong?” You shake your head, “No, it’s just unfair and selfish for me. It feels nice to see you here and check me out. I know I have been a constant mess since Suguru died… you just can’t help it when someone you love is now a piece of history, a part of you also dies, right?” you heave a deep breath and turn to Satoru, smiling faintly, “When he passed away, a part of me went with him, and it will forever be with him…” When Satoru placed you in a tight situation, Suguru gave you a choice, and you responded to the opportunity. “You see, Satoru, I cannot do it anymore. The pretension and everything that everything is okay, we both know you don’t like the idea of doing what Suguru and I always do on his birthday.” “It doesn’t matter to me as long as it makes you feel better,” his voice's firmness is the anchor that pulls your hesitation back at bay. “If it’s how I can make you happy, I am willing to fill his shoes.” “I made you suffer, and I don’t like it. Relishing my memory with Suguru is never the answer; we can’t continue like this forever.”

“You love him that much, huh?” “More than what I can give up.” “Lucky bastard,” he jests, making you chuckle.

Maybe in another timeline, if perchance it exists, the tiny hope lingers in him that he won’t hear the same thing. Deep in his thoughts lies the idea that you were choosing the other way… that the choices that Suguru laid on you are different… that you pick him over his best friend.

“I’m sorry…” you say in a low voice wiping your tear. “As much as I want to do it again, I can’t. I really can’t put you in the worst feeling possible.” Satoru takes your hand, gently squeezing it as he gazes at you with no pretension of his desires. “To hell with what I feel if, in return, is your warmth radiating upon me.”

“Silly. You have done enough, I think I should be on my own now.”

“She’s so bubbly; even her laughs are infectious. Damn, if you could only see how she makes those ugly laughs with those features.” “Then, take me.” “Huh?” “Take all of me; anywhere you go, I want to be there too. It can be in your imagination, thoughts, or the smallest things - take me wherever you go. I want to see what you see, dive into your thoughts, and carve everything in my mind, the pieces of you.” Desperation occurs when a person feels like he’s losing all his cards; at this very moment, Satoru has given up every ace he has. As much as he wants to deny it, he feels envious of his best friend, for Suguru saw the different puzzles of your identity, and Satoru has longed to witness all of it since the moment he saved you from the curses. “That some sick joke, you bastard.” “It’s just a hypothetical situation; come on. If I die, I want you to take her hand and lift her sorrows because I can’t do it.” “Sa-Satoru… wh-what d-do y-” He takes your hand, leaning against your forehead with a deep breath; he speaks…

“Date me.”

fin.

#gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x you #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu fanfic #gojo angst #gojo x female reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n

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wormlette · 3 months

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some thoughts about supplies, camping and pack weight

From the adventurer's bible. It got me thinking about the logistics of supply management for adventuring parties. Maybe it will be useful for others too.

We're using Chilchuck as an example because he's my baby boy. Chil is 110cm and his BMI is 18. He is canonically underweight to avoid setting off traps because he's larger than the average half-foot. Actually, I think there's a decent chance the "low weight" the adventurer's bible mentions he tries to stay under is approx 50lbs.

Given that, his backpack should weigh 10lbs or less, although it's probably more.

Ideally, the modern advice is that if you are going backpacking - hiking for multiple days - you want your pack weight to be 20% or less of your body weight. (We can assume dwarves like Senshi are able to carry quite a bit more, although it would affect their stamina.) The reason I said "it's probably more" for Chil is that 10lbs is incredibly light. Even high-tech modern backpacks are going to be at least a couple of lbs, and the dunmeshi supplies seem to be made of much more durable (less lightweight) material. If all Chilchuck was carrying was an empty backpack and the bedroll, it wouldn't be surprising if those items were more than 10lbs alone.

Even if the inhabitants of dunmeshi don't have to carry all the things backpackers do, their basic gear weight is going to be not insubstantial. We can presume nobody carries tents, because we see them sleeping on their bed rolls (however given the terrain further down in the dungeon, it seems like you might eventually need the extra weight of a bivy or some kind of shelter for a group.)

I think magic would simplify a lot of the problems with real backpacking. There's magic to ensure fires can stay lit, there's the fountains that always have potable water so there's no need to have supplies to boil or disinfect it… Magic can also be used for light, as we see Marcille do. That would be important to save weight compared to using things like lanterns, altho we do see the group carrying candles, seemingly for timekeeping on watch at least.

Their bed rolls probably weigh the most - they look like old army-style sleeping bags that would likely have padding built in to function like a sleeping pad does for a modern camper (both literal padding and also insulation to keep your heat from seeping into the ground and you freezing)

Changes of clothes would likely still be necessary not just for hygiene reasons. If you got separated from your fire source and got wet, it's easy to become hypothermic and wander off and die. The dungeon is probably not exactly warm.

As far as misc things, you'd need repair kits if possible, at least a sewing kit like Chil carries, most likely a multipurpose knife, cookware, rope, a water skin…

I sort of suspect that if you were a really savvy dungeoneer, you would consider keeping supplies on the 4th floor somewhere secret. It would be difficult to do because of monsters, orcs and, as time goes on, less scrupulous adventurers, but having something like a raft with supplies you could bring down to the 5th floor and deeper would be a huge boon to people trying to do deeper expeditions without getting utterly bogged down by weight. That or hiring people who are specifically there to just carry stuff and maybe aren't very armored or something to save on weight, but even then, you'll have to feed them.

I think half-foots would carry things that aren't heavy but are bulky or difficult to compress, which would therefore save volumetric space in other group members' packs for the heavier items. I'm guessing things like spare clothing, blankets, some cookware… This could lead to half-foots who get separated not having crucial survival supplies, though.

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samkiszkasfacialhair · 8 months

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Rollin' and Tumblin' Chapter 3

Rollin’ and Tumblin’ Chapter 3

Masterpost

Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: You’ve lived a sheltered and privileged life, only learning what it truly means to live and love after meeting Jake, a young man of unusual western sorts who was hired to work on your father’s farm.

Warnings: Thoughts of dying/death, female masturbation, touching, fingering.

Word Count: 4.2k

It rained that spring for weeks, leaving you inside and away from Jake for a while. By the time the rain finally stopped, it was mid June and Jake had a lot of work to do. He had to undo the damage the rain caused, so he was incredibly busy.

From the library window above, you watched Jake. He worked tirelessly each day with the other men on the farm. Jake was first in command under your father. He followed his orders, went over plans with him, and instructed the other men on what to do and how to do it. Just by watching him you could tell he had experience with this kind of work. Like he’d been doing it his whole life.

Jake concentrated hard on the job but every now and again, he’d catch you in the window and when no one was looking, he’d smile up at you for a second or two before returning to work.

But those smiles every now and again weren’t nearly enough. The desire to see him again and to kiss him again was burning within you. And that wasn’t even what was burning inside you the most. For the first time in your life, you felt feelings of lust and passion. At night, you began exploring your body on your own, discovering things that made you feel a way you had never felt before and seeing how far you could take them.

You imagined the hands roaming your body were Jake’s instead of your own.

You wished the things you were doing to yourself could be done by him.

You prayed to God to forgive you for what you’d just done but to also give you a chance to have Jake do it to you.

You needed to see him and kiss him. You needed to feel him. But most of all you needed him to feel you.

Finally, one day, after all the imaging, wishing, and praying- your chance to make your thoughts a reality arrived.

It was the hottest day of the year so far, the Tennessee sun was high in the cloudless sky, burning down on the world below. The April rain and the May sun brought some much needed color to the world. By June, the grass had sprung to life with a vibrant shade of green, flowers of every color had bloomed, and leaves covered every tree, filling the air with a fresh scent.

All the windows in your house were open but the only place that provided slight relief from the heat was the swing underneath the maple tree in your backyard. It was shaded and every now and again, a breeze would swing by, cooling you down. Not to mention, it placed you near Jake, allowing you to exchange looks and smiles much closer than you would have if you were inside the house.

As usual, you and Jake exchanged smiles but this time he would test the boundaries, walking close to the swing every now and then, hiding a smile, and acting as if he barely knew you.

That day, you wore a pale yellow dress, your favorite by far. It had short sleeves, lace detailing, and it was pretty lightweight compared to all your other dresses, which was quite necessary considering how hot it was. Not to mention, the lack of corset felt incredibly freeing.

With an embroidery frame in your lap, you sewed and hummed mindlessly to yourself when the sound of your Jake’s voice calling out broke through the air and caught your attention.

“Alright, boys, Boss’ orders- go on home now, it’s too hot to be workin’ like this!” he called out to the men on the farm as you turned to see your father walking back toward your house.

The sun in the sky was off to the west just a bit, it was only the early afternoon. There was plenty of time left in the work day and despite the heat, you were surprised to see your father put an end to the day so soon when there was still heapings of work to be done.

Regardless, Father headed inside and shortly after, one by one, each worker began heading out. All but one.

Jake was stalling around the barn and on the fields on purpose, inspecting crops and tinkering with tools in the most unnecessary of ways. All of which made you giggle and Jake knew it.

After some time, everyone was completely gone and Jake began to approach you. As he walked up the dirt path from the fields, he peered over his shoulders and looked past you to your house to make sure no one was around and no one was watching.

You could feel your heart racing and those butterflies fluttering around in your stomach once more as he got closer.

Your eyes scanned his body up and down. He had on his usual jeans and boots, and the shirt he wore was unbuttoned most of the way down. However the work day left him soaking in sweat and with dirt of all sorts covering his clothes and face.

“It’s hot,” he said, wincing, into the sunlight.

He kept a serious face and a casual tone.

“Yes, it is,” you replied just as casually.

Both of you knew you had to be particularly careful being so close to your house. However, you were facing the empty fields with your back to your home. No one but him could see your face and you were thankful for that because you couldn’t help but smile at him.

In fact, it seemed that you had the same effect on him. His straight face started to break and he lowered his head to hide it under the brim of his hat. Quickly, he regained his composure and brought his head back up, revealing a serious face again.

“You wanna come cool off with me?” he asked quietly as his eyes moved from your face to your house behind you.

You gave him the tiniest nod as a reply.

He kept his eyes fixated on your home as he spoke, scanning each open window and not making eye contact with you. His voice dropped to just barely above a whisper as he spoke again.

“Meet me behind the barn in a few minutes. I got an idea."

He tipped the brim of his hat politely and walked away, as if he was just another one of your father’s employees, having a nice and friendly conversation with you.

You watched him walk away and back down to the barn. Just as he instructed, you waited a few minutes. You gave him time to put on the appearance of leaving for the day just as all the other men did.

After some time, you rested your embroidery in the grass by the trunk of the tree, gave your house one last look behind you, and headed for the barn to meet Jake.

As you rounded the back corner of the barn, you saw Jake leaning against the wooden wall.

“Excuse me, Sir. Are you waiting for someone?” you asked sweetly in your most flirtatious voice.

At the sound of your voice, he turned his head and flashed you a full smile, the first smile you’d seen from him in weeks that wasn’t in secret or from afar.

A quiet laugh left his mouth and he took a few steps to meet you.

“As a matter of fact, I am. Been waitin’ for a few weeks now,” he replied slyly.

You began walking closer to him and he held his hands out, revealing the wet patches on his shirt and the dirt that covered his hands.

“I’m all sweaty, Darlin,’” he warned.

“I don’t care,” you said, smiling.

Jake grinned and extended an arm out to pull you in by the waist. Your stomach pressed up against his and your face were mere inches from each other, his just a bit higher than yours.

His smile lit up his face, turning his eyes into two little crescent moons. His teeth gleamed bright like snowy mountain tops. Under layers or dirt and sweat was tan, glowing skin with a light shade of pink covering each cheek.

Jake leaned down to kiss you softly and it was like the first time all over again. The feeling of his soft, warm lips on yours lit you up from the inside out. Butterflies flew from your stomach, up to your chest, and manifested themselves into a smile which broke the kiss.

“Missed you,” he whispered.

“Missed you too,”

“Would it be alright if I steal you away again?”

“It would be a pleasure,” you replied sweetly.

“Good, cause I know the perfect spot for today,” he stated.

Jake broke away from you and unhitched Whiskey from a wooden post. He helped you get on her back and he followed behind, giving her a gentle kick to put her in motion.

Whiskey led you down a path in a forest and along the bank of the river. She came to a halt once you reached the reservoir area. It was full and overflowing from all the rain. A waterfall cascaded down a mountain of rocks overhead. The sun shone through the mist of the water, displaying a rainbow of colors in the air. You had never seen anything like it. It was breathtaking.

Jake got down from Whiskey and then helped you down. He pulled some carrots out of a bag that hung off her saddle, placed them on the ground for her, and grabbed your hand to lead you to the water.

You watched him as he stripped himself of his shirt, shoes, and pants, throwing them in a pile near a few rocks and leaving him in nothing but a pair of long cotton underpants. You followed his lead, removing your shoes, dress, petticoat, leaving you in just a pair of short bloomers and a camisole.

Your eyes wandered his half naked body hungrily. The muscles in his back and stomach were modestly toned, forming perfect dips and ridges which began on his chest and continued all the way down to the waistline of his underpants.

He didn’t look like what you’d imagined in your mind behind your closed bedroom door at night. He looked better.

Jake held out his hand to you and you took it, letting out a breathy laugh and following him out into the water on a path of boulders.

He walked backwards, holding your hands in his so you could keep your balance on the slippery rocks.

When you walked out to the last rock in the bunch, the mist from the falls began cooling you off by slightly wetting your hair and what was left of your clothes.

In a flash, Jake let go of your hand and threw himself into the river with a “Wooh,” leaving behind only a splash when his body hit the water, which quickly faded into the darkness of the river.

A few seconds later, his head was exposed to the air once more when it reached the surface. He pushed his now wet hair out of his face and wiped his eyes. The sweat and dirt that once covered his body had been washed away by the river water, leaving him clean and practically sparkling in the sunlight.

“Come on in, Darlin’! S’nice!” he called over the roaring sound of the falls as he dove back under the water.

“Jake I can't!” you yelled back.

“Whaddya mean you can't? The jump ain't that bad! It’s just water! In this heat you’ll be dry in no time!”

Jake thought you were worried about getting completely wet and thus potentially getting caught upon your arrival back home. And though that was a partial part of the reason you were hesitant to jump, there was something else.

So you stood there, shaking your head at him and biting your bottom lip.

“Come on! What are you so afraid of?” he laughed as he swam around and went under for a moment again to get his hair out of his face once more.

“Jake, I-, I can’t…”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know how to swim!” he shouted over the sound of the rapids and the water crashing onto the rocks.

There was no use replying. He already knew the answer.

He swam closer to the rock you were standing on, extended one arm out of you, and kicked around his feet while he spoke.

“Jump! I’ll catch ya, I promise!”

You looked down into the water. It was deep and dark. The current was pushing Jake around slightly and he had to keep his legs moving underwater to stay in one place. Below you, waves crashed harshly into the rocks you were standing on, causing the water to turn into white rapids and splash up onto your feet upon the impact.

For a split second, the thought of death crossed your mind. You figured drowning here would be a nice escape from your mundane life and your inevitable future. Not to mention, dying with Jake by your side at 23 years of age sounded a lot better than living in your own personal hell and dying at an old age next to a man you were forced to marry.

Honestly, the thought was so horrific that before you could even finish it, you jumped.

The coldness of the river chilled you from the inside out the moment you hit the water. Your undergarments soaked up the water, adding extra weight to your body. Being completely surrounded in the dark water with your eyes closed made you feel completely lost, out of your own control, and God knows how far away from Jake. This was it. You were going to die. You were sure of it.

Once your head broke the surface, you opened your eyes and gasped for air. You weren’t dead but you sure were in heaven. Jake’s face was not even an inch from yours, his hands were wrapped around your waist, and you could hear him talking to you.

“Hey, hey,” he spoke with a jagged breath as he struggled to hold onto you and keep you afloat, “Shh, I got you. You’re okay. But I need you to kick for me. Come on Darlin,’ kick your legs.”

You nodded and did as he said as you breathed hard and spit out the water that had entered your mouth. He had a tight grip on you and you could feel the pads of his fingertips pressing into your skin more than anything ever had before. You crossed your hands around the back of his neck and tangled your fingers into his wet and already knotted hair.

He stared intently into your eyes and you did the same to him, concentrating on your breathing and movements in the water.

As both of your breathing slowed down, you felt Jake loosen his grip on you and pushed you back just a bit off of him, making you swim on your own.

“Jake, no,” you breathed out, gripping his forearm.

“Don’t panic now. Ain’t nothin’ to be scared of, you got it,” he reassured you, “move your arms in little circles like me, look.”

He let go of you, showed you how to move your arms, and then grabbed you again once he saw you starting to go back down deeper.

He kept you a float with just one hand holding you up, and slowly, he started to remove that hand from your waist as he saw you able to fend for yourself.

“There you go, that’s it, see?”

“I’m doing it,” you said breathlessly, smiling at him proudly.

You kicked your legs and flapped your arms so hard that you had moved yourself to a shallower spot and before you knew it, you felt the earth under your feet and stood up.

The water came just up to you just below your chest and up to Jake’s waist.

You let out sigh of relief now that you could relax a little.

“There, now you know how to swim,” he said with a charming smile.

You giggled at him and he smiled again. This time, time seemed to have frozen as you caught sight of his smile. It was that same full toothed smile that you absolutely adored with those two soft lips that perfectly fit on top of yours. You stared at them for a moment.

The desperate desire for Jake within you burned more with every passing second and came to a peak right there. So much so that in seconds, your lips met his with a crash.

Jake’s hands found your waist again, digging into your body just as they did when he was keeping you afloat. Your hands found his neck again, only this time, you reached your hand up to grab the roots of his hair at the nape of his neck and gripped them tightly, tugging at them just a bit.

He kissed you over and over, each time, deepening his kisses.

The hands that were once holding your waist tightly were now back in the water. Jake reached down and grabbed the back of your legs just where the hem of your bloomers would normally rest and pulled one of your thighs over his hip.

“Touch me, Jake,” you whispered into his mouth in between kisses.

Just as you said, he kept one hand on your thigh, but the other, which was once holding your waist, snaked up your ribcage to cup and massage your breast gently.

His hands were big, rough, and warm in contrast to the cool water.

A sigh of pleasure escaped your lungs at the sensation of his touch.

His lips detached from your mouth and began working just below your ear. His lips and his tongue in comparison to the water were like fire and ice.

The hand that was once cupping your breast snuck down between your bodies, past the waistband of your shorts, and rested right over where you had been wanting him the most.

“Please,” you desperately begged in a whisper.

Once he got your approval, you felt the warmness of his fingers slowly ease inside of you.

With his mouth still on your neck, you felt the corners of his lips turn up into a smile, “Like velvet,” he whispered.

You threw your head back at the feeling of his warm breath on your neck and his fingers inside you as he began pumping them in and out of you slowly, curving them slightly.

That familiar feeling was building up inside you. You’d felt it many times the past few weeks. The only difference being this time, instead of the pleasure coming from your hand, it was coming from Jake’s. And thank God it was.

He picked up some speed and pressure and with just one press of the pad of his thumb to that one spot, that one particular little spot you'd played around with the most- it hit you.

An intense wave of pleasure washed over you instantly. You closed your eyes and opened your mouth to release the whimpers and moans that you had been choking down and fighting back in your bedroom for the past month and a half. You held onto the feeling for as long as you could and Jake did what he could to help prolong it. But after what felt like just a few seconds, the feeling slowly faded away and Jake slowed down the movements of his hand and fingers, leaving you breathless.

You opened your eyes again as both of Jake’s hands returned to your waist underwater. He lowered your leg off his hip so you were standing on two feet now.

He pushed your hair over your shoulder and held onto the sides of your face gently.

The two of you stood there for a bit, just looking into each others eyes in amazement when Jake broke first and started to giggle.

You reciprocated his laughter and gave him a soft kiss, mostly kissing his teeth.

He broke away from you and whispered, “Come on,” as he threw himself back into the water and began swimming again.

You spent the next few hours with Jake in the river. The two of you continued swimming and eventually ventured out of the deeper areas and into the shallow areas. Holding hands, you walked through it, splashing through schools of minnows and stopping on the bank to watch a mother duck care for her babies.

The sun started lowering itself behind the trees and you both began shivering as the heat from the sun had become hidden behind the trees, reminding you that it had been some time and it was getting late. You had to be home soon. William was set to arrive to pick you up to have dinner with his family shortly.

The trek back to where you started was quite long. Jake led you back past the waterfall, over the rocks, and back to where Whiskey was waiting patiently in the grass next to a pile of both of your disregarded clothing.

The two of you removed your wet clothing and put your dry ones back on, hiding the fact that you were trying to catch glimpses of each other’s bodies sneakily. Jake of course, stayed respectful and truly looked away as you got dressed. You however, didn’t and Jake smiled and shook his head as he took his wet underpants off and put his dry jeans on.

Jake shoved his wet underpants into the satchel on Whiskey’s saddle and held his hand out to you for you to hand him yours.

You fought back an embarrassed smile as he took them and you watched him do the same as he gently placed yours on top of his in the bag and fastened the buckle of the front flap.

With both your hair still wet, you rode back home on Whiskey. Jake sat in front and guided her while you sat behind him with your hands wrapped around his stomach and your chin resting over his shoulder, giving the side of his head little kisses every now and again.

Back behind the barn, you got off Whiskey to bid Jake goodbye.

He held you close and kissed your forehead before pulling back.

His eyes didn’t have the same sparkle they had earlier in the day. There was a slight hint of sadness in them as it came time to part ways, unsure when you’d see each other again.

“Why can’t I have you?” you whispered longingly as you reached a hand up to comb his hair out of his face.

Jake shrugged and shook his head as if he didn’t have an answer to your question, even though he did. You both did.

The truth was, you were from different worlds. Your world was full of lavish houses, clothing, jewelry, and parties. His world was full of… nothing.

You hung your head and fought back tears.

Jake lifted your chin with his knuckle and looked deep into your eyes.

“You do have me. I’m right here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere,” he reassured you.

You nodded wordlessly and gave him the tiniest smile.

He was right. You did have him. For now anyway.

After a few more kisses, you bid Jake goodnight and headed back for your house.

Surprisingly, you made it back inside unseen and were just on your way to the stairs when the sight of your fiancé in the entryway made you freeze.

The look of shock took over his face when he saw you in dirty, wrinkled clothing with wet, tangled hair. You smiled politely at him and before he could question your appearance, you spoke.

“I just need a moment. I’ll be down shortly,” you said in your most polite voice, flashing him a fake smile.

He nodded at you and kept the conversation going as you walked by him and up the steps.

“I’m delighted for you to meet my family tonight. My mother is quite excited,” he said.

You held onto the railing and walked backward up the steps as he spoke to you.

“Yes, I too am looking forward to it,” you lied as your eyes left his gaze to travel to the window where you caught sight of Jake with his hair dripping wet down his back, leaving through the dirt path on Whiskey.

William quickly turned his head to look out the window behind him to see what you were looking at where he caught sight of exactly what you did not want him or anyone else to see.

His head whipped back and forth from you, to Jake, and finally back to you again.

Instantly, you felt your fake smile drop.

He knew.

The Adam’s apple on his skinny neck bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard and in a blink of an eye, his polite demeanor changed into something much more demanding and stricter.

“Well you better get ready then. We will be leaving in fifteen minutes and I will not have you looking like… that,” he said with the utmost disgusted look on his face and a sting of anger lingering in his voice, making you feel smaller than ever.

All you could do was nod obediently and head to your bedroom where you would get ready for a night of agony.

Upon entering, your heart began racing as you took sight of the dress Katherine had chosen for you that night and laid out perfectly on your bed.

Velvet.

Instantly, Jake’s words from earlier played in your head and you sucked in an involuntary gasp.

You hadn’t even left yet and already, you began counting down the hours until you’d be back home and in your bed, thinking about Jake while you did to yourself what he had done to you that afternoon.

Author's Note: Sorry this one took so long! I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you for being patient! (Cowboy Sam is coming up in the next chapter so stay tuned!)

Taglist: @writingcold @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @radmads-gvf @iheartjakekiszka @sadandgeek @vanfleeter @cassy-face (Cassy-face it wont let me tag you properly bff idk why) @myownparadise96

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thesorcererpoet · 2 months

Text

In my

dream like

state,

words whispered

softly,

a lullaby

of forgotten

worlds

and made

possibility

lightweight,

like shifting

clouds.

I arose

to face

the world

once more

but I know

I should be

sleeping.

Comforting

phantasms

lift

like mist

and my

doe eyed

perspective

toughens

and cracks

like mud,

baking

in the

midday sun.

Nervous arousal

makes

blunt sound

heavy,

breaks off

into

jagged pieces,

jarring

my mind awake.

A cotton

vapour

lifts

revealing

fissures,

drawn across

the fertile

field of

my mind.

I am the

broken earth,

my sensitive

perception

bruised.

I wish

to shelter

my fragile

senses

from a

susceptibility

to the

harsh brightness

of the world,

but there is

no refuge,

everything

keeps moving,

the plough

keeps tilling

my nerves

and I am

awake.

#writing #poem #poems on tumblr #poetry #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #spilled poetry #original poem #spilled thoughts #poetblr #poets corner #poeticstories #poetic #writeblr #poetry riot #dreams #morning vibes #awake

16 notes · View notes

highqueenofelfhame · 1 year

Text

a/n: if you've been here for awhile or read through my masterlist, you might remember this one. it became a fan favorite but it was written when i first entered the fandom and there have been things i wanted done differently. things i wanted to rewrite or write better. so i'm doing it. it'll be the same story you love, if you love it, just better, longer, more thought out. a lot will stay the same but alot will change. if yu're wondering what the fuck i'm talking about, a rough version of this story exits on my masterlist titled "all i ask of you." anyway. i hope you enjoy this.

rowaelin // 5.8k words // masterlist

Sweat trickled in little streams down his back, gluing the tan, standard-issue shirt he wore to every dip and curve of his torso. On most assignments, Rowan Whitethorn didn't mind his uniform. Generally speaking, the material was lightweight enough in most climates that they stayed comfortable. The boots were heavy, sure, but they were comfortable.

In the middle of the desert, he hated all of it. The best time of the day was when he took it off to duck under a cold shower, then crawled into bed in nothing but his undershorts. Unfortunately for him, that was a long way off. The sun scorched them to the bone, and the slight breeze did nothing but send sand whirling through the air.

When Rowan got out of the Red Desert, he never wanted to see a single grain of sand ever again.

He walked down the street to the two small houses they used as a base. If anything, they were more akin to rundown shacks in a shanty town, but it worked. One was used for communications, and all their tech was set up throughout various rooms. They took turns on night watch, monitoring the cameras and comms for anything that looked amiss.

The other house was where they ate, bathed, and slept. Nobody had a semblance of privacy here, save for the shitty little bathroom. All the men but Lorcan doubled up in the rooms and slept on glorified cots every night, often mumbling to their roommates to stop tossing and turning. Their beds tended to creak and groan with every subtle movement. On bad days, tension soared until they inevitably went outside to beat each other senseless in the form of hand-to-hand combat practice.

The houses were on the outskirts of an impoverished chunk of land that couldn't even be considered a village at this point, though once upon a time, it had been a well-populated township. Now there were just rundown buildings and dilapidated houses that people crammed into for shelter. Less than two thousand people remained living in the desolate stretch of desert. All of them were skin and bones, the malnourished ghosts of who they used to be.

Over their last few months of being abandoned in the Red Desert, they learned that the breadwinners of the family, usually men, pedaled bicycles to the surrounding towns for work. A few of them were forced to walk, which was a feat in itself– the closest town was ten miles away and would take them well over two hours to arrive. Rowan had also learned, mainly from the children, that the ones that walked stayed in cheap inns during the week if they could afford it. Everything else was funneled into food and any other necessities they required, including running water that they really only used to cook and bathe.

Most of the women homeschooled their children to the best of their ability. Generally, they could read, write, and perform basic math. Much else was lost due to the lack of accessible tools for anything beyond that. Rowan had an intense respect for the people that dwelled here and did their best with what they had.

On the other hand, he could kill every government official who continued to leave these people behind. There was no excuse for such an extreme display of poverty in this day and age. It was made worse by how kind the people were. They lived in the worst conditions they had ever seen, yet still found joy in the little things.

Case in point: a few of the kids that Rowan gave the candy from his MREs to were chasing a soccer ball around the makeshift pitch Fenrys had built for them. He and his twin brother, Connall, were playing with the gaggle of teenage boys and girls, their bright laughter chipping away at his frozen heart. It had been long since anything had threatened to thaw his frozen core, but those children whooping and hollering got to him.

Rowan lifted a hand in greeting, shaking his head but offering a tight smile when they shouted for him to join them. If Lorcan hadn't summoned him, he probably would have. They had done a fat lot of nothing today besides trying to stay out of the sun. Rowan had only left the communications house less than an hour ago to stretch his legs.

Once inside, he found Lorcan sitting at the desk in the room they considered their office. It wasn't much more than a couple of chairs and a folding table, but it got the job done. Rowan rapped his knuckles against the door frame as he entered and leaned against it, folding his arms across his chest.

"You wanted to see me?" There was no point in bothering with formalities unless people outside the Cadre were around. They rarely pulled rank amongst themselves. Rowan was second in command, but they usually viewed it as a partnership more than anything else.

"Yep," Lorcan exhaled, putting his pen down and bracing his arms on the edge of the table. Every muscle in his face was tense, down to the feathering of his jaw as he eyed Rowan. This didn't bode well. Whatever he was about to say wasn't good. There was no light hiding in the shadows of his dark eyes. Lorcan had a shit poker face when it came to bad news. With a jerk of his chin, he added, "Sit down."

"What happened?" Rowan slid into one of the folding chairs across from him and braced his hands on his knees.

"We're going to be a team of six again, starting tomorrow morning." That was all? That didn't seem like the tragedy he looked ready to drop on Rowan's head.

They used to be a group of six until Gavriel retired last year, and they still weren't used to being down to five men. While each of them brought forth their strengths and balanced out their weaknesses, an even number of people made things easier on missions because everyone could be paired off into two teams. During their last few, they had all wished for that extra body. Having another person would be great, especially if he was skilled enough to keep up with the rest of them.

Though several special ops units existed in the Terrasen Navy, Rowan's was the most elite and the smallest. Every other team had at least a dozen men assigned to it, but it wasn't necessary with the Cadre, the name Rowan's ex bestowed upon them. All of them were over six feet tall and corded with muscle. What they lacked in numbers, they made up for in skill. There was a reason they didn't push to replace Gavriel when he retired. Nobody else was a match for them in any capacity and would have been in the way more than anything else.

"Why don't you look happy about it?" Rowan asked, relaxing a bit and leaning back in his chair. Lorcan looked like he was grinding his teeth to dust and savoring the pain that came with it.

"Because I'm not."

"You had to approve it. He must be good enough to hold his own with the rest of us." His commander wouldn't accept anyone unless he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could do his job with expert precision.

Lorcan scratched his jaw, nails scraping against the stubble he hadn't bothered to shave away that morning as he said, "It’s not a he.”

Rowan’s blood turned to ice in his veins so quickly that he shivered for the first time in several months. Every hair on his body stood at attention, skin pebbling down his arms, shaking his head in a single sharp movement as he ground out, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to know who she was. Her name had been whispered up and down the grapevine over the last few years as she quickly climbed the ranks. At this point, she was almost as decorated as he was, and he had been at it for three years longer. Thousands of women served in the various military branches, but only one had ever been good enough to break the glass ceiling and become a Ghost Leopard.

The Ghost Leopards were Terrasen’s most elite special operations unit. No other military group came close to the skill and drive they had. Most people didn’t even try to join— the physical, mental, and emotional strength demanded was too much for many to handle. Rowan’s unit was the best the Ghost Leopards had to offer.

Rowan knew she had been part of two different ops teams, but never in a million years did he think she would join his own. Not because she wasn’t good enough. There was no question in his mind that she didn’t belong. Lorcan disliked the woman on a good day, yet he had approved her joining the Cadre after putting personal bias aside.

No, she had definitely earned it; he could admit that much. Rowan had just doubted that she would ever want to share any amount of oxygen with him ever again. Her assignment to the Cadre likely hadn’t been her own idea. Whoever initiated it must well and truly detest Rowan, though. The gods were playing a cruel, sick joke on him.

Lorcan’s features were frozen with tension, lips curling at the corners in distaste as he said, “Aelin Galathynius arrives tomorrow.”

~*~

All five men stood in a straight line, feet shoulder-width apart and hands clasped behind their backs. They had decided on the dressed-down version of their uniform, foregoing the over shirts with patches, ranks, and names on them. They each wore the same tan t-shirt tucked into pants in a multi camouflage pattern in shades of brown. It perfectly matched the sandy ocean they were trapped in.

Heavy black boots anchored Rowan to the ground while they watched the helicopter land a few hundred yards away, kicking up enough dust that they were all happy about the sunglasses and camouflage balaclavas they wore. Without them, the sand would be in every fucking orifice for days on end.

The newest member of their team finally hopped out, landing with feline grace. To anyone else, she would have been unrecognizable with her face and eyes covered. Not even her hair peeked out as she walked toward them, heaving her bags higher on her shoulder. Rowan would know her anywhere, though.

It wasn’t until the helicopter returned to the skies and the dust settled that she finally pulled her balaclava down around her neck to expose her face. The aviator-style sunglasses stayed perched on her nose, and though her hair was slicked back into a bun at the nape of her neck, the golden strands still shimmered in the sun. The only difference in her uniform was that she wore her blouse with the sleeves rolled up and over her elbows. Seeing her like this made his vision cloudy at the edges, the memory of their first meeting creeping to the forefront of his mind. He forcefully shoved it away.

The sixty seconds it took her to be within ten feet of them seemed to happen too quickly and in slow motion all at the same time. No emotion flickered over her face, not even her mouth, which usually wore a smirk. Aelin Galathynius was all business.

Hearing her name multiple times in the last twenty-four hours had his mind twisted around itself in a tight knot he couldn’t unwind. Typically, everyone avoided bringing her up when they could, yet now he was seeing her in the flesh for the first time in years. With his heart trying to break his ribs, he was surprised that he heard Lorcan call her by her last name when she stopped before him.

It probably killed her to do it, but she saluted him the way she would any other commander. Lorcan gave her a nod in return, and her body relaxed. Aelin’s bags slid from her shoulders and landed with a thud on the ground at her feet. Rowan heard her sigh for the first time in ages as her hands dropped to her hips, and she gave them all a once-over.

Light and mischief danced in her fiery blue gaze until she looked at him. Any semblance of emotion flickered out like he’d extinguished the fire that burned within. It wasn’t the first time he had seen her eyes look so damn empty when turned on him. Her dead gaze yanked him two and half years in the past, holding him at gunpoint as he remembered the first time she had ever looked at him that way.

“I promise. Okay?” Rowan’s hands held Aelin’s cheeks like she was the most precious thing in the world to him because she was. It didn’t matter what he said or did, though. That heavy sadness wouldn’t dissipate, and she wouldn’t look at him.

“Rowan, I told you–”

“Baby, it’s the last one, and then I’ll take a job in the city, and it won’t be like this anymore. It’s going to get better, and we’re going to be okay.” He only had minutes left with her, and he hated wasting it like this. It would have been better spent sharing kisses or with him exploring her body to prove how much he loved her. Instead, when they woke up, Aelin had retreated so deeply within herself that he didn’t feel like he could reach her.

“You’ve said twice now that it was going to be the last time. When is it actually going to be the last time, Rowan?” Gods, he really didn’t want to fight with her before he left.

“This is the last deployment I’m going to make,” he swore, and he meant it. He’d already told his commander, and as much as he had hated it, at the end of the day, Lorcan understood. “I don’t want to fight with you right now.”

“I wanted you to stay and pick me for once, so I guess neither of us is getting what we want, are we?” The look in her eyes wasn’t one he’d ever received from her. There was no warmth of love, just a distant chill that felt so tangible goosebumps crawled along his skin.

“Aelin,” he sighed, tugging her until he could wrap his arms around her even though she tried to resist. At complete odds with her expressions and words, her arms tightened around his waist, and she fisted his jacket in her hands. Like this was their hardest goodbye yet, she refused to let him go.

They stood like that for several minutes, Rowan’s lips pressed to the top of her head while he breathed in her scent one more time. Nothing ever came close to how much he missed her when he was gone. Every deployment, he took something of hers with him, falling asleep to the faint scent of jasmine until time washed away any sign of its owner.

“You’re going to be late,” she finally said, pulling back and wiping her face with the back of her wrist.

“This is the last time,” he swore for a final time, taking her face between his palms and wiping at her cheeks. Aelin nodded, eyes fixed somewhere over his shoulder.

“Yeah. Okay.” The goodbyes were always hard, but this time was different. A warning bell was chiming in the back of his head, but he pushed it aside. They made it through everything else over the last five years, and they would pull through this, too.

“I love you.” Rowan kissed her, his heart shattering at the feel of her quivering mouth against his. A sob slipped out of her lips, her shoulders caving in. Aelin shook her head, letting it fall to read against his chest. “Hey. We’re okay.”

They were. It was an argument they’d had over and over for the last few years. While Aelin loved active duty, she had taken a desk job a few months ago when they had agreed that when Rowan got back from his last deployment, it was his last. Lorcan had begged him for one more tour because Gavriel was talking about retiring, and he didn’t want to lose them both at the same time. The day Rowan returned and told his girlfriend he was doing one last twelve month deployment, it immediately became a fight that wouldn’t end.

Aelin was twenty-six and genuinely loved her job, but she had wanted to start planning their future. Rowan was twenty-nine, and while he did want those things, he still wanted to keep building his legacy and rake in every ounce of glory while he still could. He wanted nothing more than Aelin, and he knew they could stick it out for one more year. They were strong enough to handle anything thrown at them. Of that, he was absolutely certain.

While the fighting had led to a lot of high tension in their house, they still loved each other at the end of the day. Even when it was hard, and they went months without hearing each other’s voices or seeing one another, they shared such a rare, blinding love that nothing could fracture it.

“I love you,” he said once more, kissing her trembling lips and wiping her tears away.

“I love you, too.” But her eyes didn’t meet his, and it was the image of her crying in the foyer that chased him into fitful sleep every night after.

~*~

“Aelin Galathynius,” Fenrys drawled, shaking his head as he took her in. Over the formalities of the situation, Aelin pulled off her sunglasses and dropped into a low bow with her arms spread wide. As soon as she pulled her eyes from Rowan and looked at their mutual best friend, she grinned.

“At your service,” she crooned with a wink. Down the line, Rowan snorted and turned on his heel, just about stomping the entire way back to the house. Aelin’s eyes rolled, and Fenrys held his arms open for a hug. With a squeal and a joyous giggle, she ran for him and leaped into his waiting arms.

“As soon as Salvaterre said we were getting a sixth again, I fucking knew it was you.” His voice was low in her ear as he spun them in a circle, finally putting her feet back on land so she could hug Connall and Vaughan. Aelin made no effort to further engage in conversation with Lorcan. They tolerated each other on a good day, and he was still watching Rowan as he disappeared into what she assumed was their living quarters.

“I missed you the most out of everyone,” she told Fen as he hefted her bags over one shoulder and threw his other arm around her to lead her toward the house.

“Even more than you missed Whitethorn?” It was a joke, one that wasn’t rewarded with laughter but by a swift jab to his ribs. He winced, lips pulling into a harsh frown. Aelin couldn’t help it. She smiled.

“Is he still being a bitter asshole?”

“Worse, if you can believe it,” Connall chimed in. A sigh was desperate to creep out of her lips, but she swallowed it down. She knew when she got the assignment that it wouldn’t be easy for her, Rowan, or anyone that had to be in close proximity to them. Aelin also knew that she could check the baggage at the door when it came down to doing their jobs. In their downtime, however… She was making no promises.

“We cleared out a room for you. Fenrys can show you which one,” Lorcan shot over his shoulder as he walked past them, headed toward the house next to the one Rowan had entered.

“I don’t need special treatment just because I’m a woman!” Lorcan merely waved dismissively over his shoulder and slammed the front door behind him.

“I promise there is no special treatment here in Hela’s fucking armpit,” Vaughan mumbled, nudging her with his shoulder as he brushed past. Indeed, it seemed their living quarters were a far cry from her house in Orynth. Not that the barracks or living situations on special missions were ever anything to write home about, but this was particularly shoddy.

Fenrys led her inside, gesturing to each fixture in the common areas and trying to sell them for far more than their worth. It wasn’t the worst place Aelin had ever lived in her decade-long career in the military, but his jokes had her in stitches by the time he led her to her ‘bedroom.’

Really, it was more of an oversized closet with a cot, a chair for a nightstand, and a single light operated by a cord that dangled from the ceiling. Someone had put a small fan on top of the chair that she turned on to test the airflow. Beneath the cot was just enough space for her to slide her bags, and the door shut almost all the way. It refused to latch, but you win some and lose some. It wasn’t the worst and definitely beat sleeping outside or sharing a room with any of the boys. Aelin had spent enough time with military men to know they smelled horrible.

Not that she smelled like jasmine at all hours of the day, but the women tended to try a little harder than the men did. It didn’t matter that she knew all of them personally. Maybe it was a little sexist, but she stood firm in the idea that women cared a little more about body odor than men.

After the grand tour was finished and she’d peeked into the guys' rooms, they walked back toward the kitchen. Aelin had arrived much later than planned, and Rowan was already preparing his MRE for dinner. The others quickly followed suit, and Fenrys knelt on the ground to dig through the box.

“Alright, we’ve got spaghetti with meat sauce, chili mac, a chicken stew, regular mac and cheese, and lemon pepper tuna.”

“Chili mac,” she said, firm in her decision. It was one of the best ones, and with their supplies looking a little low, she didn’t know how it was even an option.

Fenrys handed her the dinner, and she quickly removed all the contents. Along with the main entree, it held a few other snack items ranging from a beef jerky stick to a packet of Sour Patch Kids and a few things in between. She hummed contentedly at the fruit punch powder packet that she would most definitely add to her water.

Aelin was forced to sidle up next to Rowan to fill her pouch with water to activate the one-time-use heater that came with the meals. He said nothing as their shoulders brushed until she was finished, folding her pouch over to avoid spillage. Aelin handed her food off to Fenrys while she relocated everything else to the small table that would barely hold them all. By the time she retrieved it and took her seat, Rowan was already in his chair.

Because she simply couldn’t pass up on the opportunity, she sat next to him, not bothering to avoid their knees knocking or shoulders bumping as she settled. Again, he said nothing. Just stabbed at his own pouch of beef and barbecue and pretended she wasn’t there.

“Are you going to give me the silent treatment?” Aelin nudged his elbow with hers, tilting her head to look at him. Rowan finally relented and gave her a sidelong glance.

The others, including Lorcan, were claiming their seats. To their credit, it seemed that they were trying not to eavesdrop, but that was impossible in this house. Lorcan, however, looked ready to jump between them and dispel a fight that would leave two of his incredible assets licking their wounds.

“I was thinking about it,” Rowan replied tersely, not looking up as he shoved a bite into his mouth. “Isn’t that what you’ve been doing for the last few years?”

“Ah, so Connall was right then.” Bitter asshole to his very core, apparently. Fenrys snickered at her remark beside her while Rowan tensed. Aelin could have been sitting up against a concrete wall and wouldn’t have known the difference.

“What are you missing most about civilian life?” Fen asked, likely an attempt to prevent a verbal sparring match. He popped a skittle into his mouth and settled back in his rickety chair.

“I barely remember what it’s like at this point, to be honest.” It was the truth. Aelin had thrown herself so thoroughly into work that she was only home for a few days at a time. The longest she’d been home was for a month last summer. There were days when she didn’t know what to do with herself and days when her mattress felt too soft, or the food too indulgent. Aelin pondered, mouth twisting to the side. “Usually, I would say long, hot showers. But I don’t think I’ll be craving any sort of heat while we’re here. Probably my nightgowns. I can handle everything else, but sleeping in silk is wildly underrated.”

“Can you not share intimate details while we’re eating?” Rowan grumbled. Aelin whipped her head around to look at him, her brow furrowed.

“Intimate details, my ass. You’ve literally been inside me. I don’t think it gets more intimate than that.” Had she chosen nightgowns specifically to wiggle her way under Rowan’s skin? Maybe. But it didn’t make his reaction any less stupid. “How the hell is sleepwear an intimate detail?”

Rowan opened his mouth to respond, but Lorcan beat him to the punch, looking for all the world like he should have told them to put Aelin in someone else’s company as he said, “On the topic of civilian life–”

“Please tell me we’re leaving this godsforsaken place,” Fenrys cut in, eyes wide and pleading.

“I just flew halfway around the world, and we’re leaving?” Aelin felt as exasperated as she sounded. It was a long way to travel to just turn around and head right back. She wasn’t eager to be cooped back up on any sort of aircraft so soon.

“In three days,” Lorcan confirmed, shifting in his seat to pull a roll of paper from his back pocket that he dropped into the middle of the table. Six pairs of eyes peered down, scanning the words even though it was upside down for Fenrys, Aelin, and Rowan. “I didn’t find out until this morning, or we would have waited for you to join us then.”

“What’s going on?”

“Since we’ve been monitoring the border here for months and nothing is happening, we’re more useful elsewhere. Another unit will be stationed here while we go to Rifthold.”

“What’s happening in Rifthold?” Rowan asked, leaning back in his chair. Aelin did the same while taking a swig of fruit punch, eyeing the unused drink packet from Rowan’s meal kit. It was grape, and she knew he wouldn’t drink it because it was too sweet. Maybe she could steal it when he wasn’t paying attention.

“A threat on the Crown Prince of Adarlan’s life.” Lorcan’s tone lacked inflection. He could have been talking about the weather.

“I’m all for preventing an assassination, but we’re the Terrasen military. Why are we getting sent in for this?” Vaughan had a point. A good one, too. Not that any of them were really complaining. Going back to civilization would be a damn vacation for them, the boys more than Aelin. She hadn’t been hiding in a shack in the desert for the last four months.

“Because all signs point to it happening at the summer ball, and our President, along with a dozen high-ranking officials from our government, will be in attendance. Preventing the Prince’s assassination will save their lives, too.” Everyone murmured their agreement. “We don’t know where it came from, though. Our source is unclear on that, which will be the trickier part. All signs point to it being an inside job right now because things have been intense between the king and his oldest son.”

“Dorian has been speaking out against a lot of his father’s policies. The king can’t do damage control fast enough. It was all over the papers when I was in Orynth last month. As quickly as the king puts out one fire, Dorian starts another. ‘Inside sources,’” Aelin added air quotes with her fingers for emphasis, “Claim that the king is getting really fed up. It’s causing a lot of unrest and protests among the people. More of them seem to agree with the prince than the king. It would make sense for it to be his doing.”

“That,” Fenrys drawled, holding one finger, “Is fucked up.”

“It is,” Aelin agreed. “But things have always appeared to be rocky between them.”

“We’ll be going undercover for a while. Adarlan’s government isn’t asking for assistance on the issue, probably because they’re starting it to begin with. But we aren’t willing to risk their version of ‘taking care of things.’ And if it comes down to it, President Galathynius–” Lorcan’s eyes shot to Aelin when mentioning her uncle, “–would rather save the prince’s life and risk tension with Adarlan over it.”

“Considering the King of Adarlan is a sexist, racist piece of shit, I don’t blame him,” Connall mused, letting his hair out of the bun it had been in since Aelin arrived. She agreed with her uncle. Dorian did as much as he could as a prince, but as king… He would pave the way to a better world.

“Do we have covers yet?” Rowan leaned forward, reaching for the stack of papers Lorcan had presented to them. As he sifted through them, Aelin noticed the commander’s face getting tighter with every page Rowan skimmed. Her brow furrowed as she looked over her ex-boyfriend’s broad shoulder.

“You two…” Lorcan hesitated. Almost like he was dreading the news he was about to bestow upon them. “The four of us will be blending in with the commoners. Our base will be a large manor set far enough out that nobody will notice we all congregate together.”

Beside her, Rowan went utterly rigid. If she thought he was tense before, it was nothing compared to now. The tendons in his neck were ready to snap. She swore she could see his pulse pounding in his neck as a vein protruded in the center of his forehead.

“No,” Rowan said, shaking his head and throwing the papers on the table. Confused, Aelin snatched them up to read them herself. Fenrys leaned in to read along with her, one of his fingers tracing down the edge of the page.

“It wasn’t my call,” Lorcan said defensively, right as her eyes landed on the incriminating words that had Rowan’s body taut as a bowstring.

“This better be a fucking joke,” she spat, pushing out of her chair and rising to her feet. It had to be a joke, a prank, a hazing for joining their stupid little boyband. The harsh lines on her commander’s face said it was anything but. “Married? Out of all five of you to make me pretend to be married to, it’s Rowan that gets picked?”

“We don’t know how dangerous of a situation we’re walking into.” Lorcan tried to sound calm, but his eyes darted between the former couple like they might burn down the world out of spite. Aelin was considering it. “Rowan is the best of us at hand-to-hand combat should you ever need the defense–”

“I can fight for myself. I can protect myself. Fenrys could protect me just as well as Rowan if that were truly a concern.” It was risky to shout at her commander so much, especially on her first day, but Aelin was just past the point of caring. Every fuck she might be able to give was caught in a tornado of sand, plowing through the desert in the complete opposite direction.

“You know better than anyone that Rowan has skill sets that would work well while masquerading as a Duke, just like you do for being a Duchess. Fenrys is too loud-mouthed, and the other two lack the general composure to pretend to be royal. Rowan always has the quiet, dignified mask in his back pocket. He can talk his way out of–”

“I don’t care,” she hissed, taking several steps from the table.

“Ace…” Fenrys said quietly, leaning back in his chair to grab her hand. “Lorcan has a point.”

“I know he does.” Aelin’s voice was muffled while she rubbed at her face. Nobody objected or disagreed with Lorcan’s mild insults because it was the truth. Sometimes, Fen didn’t know when to shut up, and while Vaughan and Connall could easily look the part, they were missing something that Rowan just had naturally.

When he walked into a room, he carried himself like he was important. Unlike typical royals, it wasn’t because he was looking down his nose at anyone but because he almost commanded respect from everyone. Rowan, as a royal, wouldn’t raise any eyebrows. Aelin knew that. She just wished she had more of a heads-up before getting thrown into something that hit a little too close to home where their former relationship was concerned.

“I’m sorry for yelling.” Her eyes met Lorcan’s, and he shrugged. Now was not the time for him to assume she couldn’t do her job because she was an emotional woman. It was sexist bullshit, to begin with, but her time in the military told her it’s what they all thought of the women. No matter how hard they trained or how many times they proved themselves, women were silly, emotional creatures that couldn’t handle anything.

“I expected it. I know it won’t be easy for either of you.” Aelin couldn’t hide the surprise on her face. Not the raised brows or the way her mouth parted at his words. Maybe she undersold him. Just a little. “Rowan?”

“Yeah.” The word was flat. Seeing his face wasn’t necessary to know his eyes were probably as vacant as he sounded.

“Can you handle it?”

“Don’t really have a choice, do I?”

No, they didn’t have a choice, but if it would save multiple lives, they would manage. Their tumultuous past would stay where it belonged when they were in public and doing their jobs. Maybe they would even find a way to be civil by the end of it. There was also the possibility of everything going up in flames, one violent explosion at a time until everything was burned and nobody was marked safe from the fallout.

Aelin really wasn’t sure which one it would be.

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