#like childhood trauma and abandonment check

[desertthorn]

Making fun of this beautiful man is my new hobby.

Mostly because he makes it so easy lol

Look at this dork.

[seaweedstarshine]

RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)

[yinyuedijun]

TOKYO VICE | part 1

You knew that if you agreed to move in with Suo, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these alarming behaviours were all signs that he desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good decision. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Unfortunately for you, you rarely made good decisions. (Or: After joining the yakuza, Suo develops the concerning habit of controlling every facet of your life. This is somehow less worrying to you than your uncontrollable lust around him.)

8.7k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au. yandere suo (not abusive and reader is into it), dark comedy, a little angst, smut. warnings: borderline sex work, off-screen criminal violence. nsft – no actual smut in this chapter, but there are still graphic discussions of sex. mdni. thank you to @sleepyqinfei for beta reading and to @/cafekitsune for the banner!

sequel to sincerity and this sakura/reader wip

part 2 here

You’re not exactly sure why you and Suo have never fucked.

It’s certainly strange, given that you're pretty sure that Suo has expressed at least passing interest in you over the years, and you have felt a lot of interest in him. (By ‘interest’, you mean that you feel an insatiable lust around him that you fight to ignore on a daily basis.) You can't exactly pinpoint why nothing has ever happened despite this mutual attraction, especially given your profession and indifferent feelings toward casual sex.

You can think of a number of probable reasons, which are separate from those you classify as stupid reasons. The latter class comprises silly concerns like a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being pretty enough, fear of not being good enough, et cetera. All very juvenile feelings—insecurities that you had in your teenage years, the days in which Suo ran around Makochi as a delinquent while you worked an honest job at a bar. (It was a girls’ bar in the red light district, but that's neither here nor there.) Your circumstances have since changed, and those anxieties have since faded. None of them have any material consequence for your current life, so you don't see any point in thinking about them.

The stupid reasons, then, definitely don't have anything to do with why you've never fucked Suo. But you can think of a few, more concrete reasons that may explain it. For one, Suo has been your friend since childhood and it’s generally a bad idea to have sex with your long-time friends. He was also your roommate for a while and it’s an even messier idea to have sex with your roommates. And now, in your adulthood, he’s your landlord in addition to being your boss, which makes him the worst possible person you could have sex with. You could lose both your home and your livelihood if things go south—both severe, material consequences that should theoretically keep your lust at bay.

Also, he's also a member of the yakuza.

Now, strictly speaking—you're not really opposed to having sex with violent criminals. It’s definitely not a good idea, but you don't usually have good ideas anyway. But for the past several years, you’ve been pissed at Suo for joining the yakuza in the first place, which actually does keep your blatant attraction to him in check. You simply dry up when you think too hard about all the feelings of betrayal.

When Suo was on the cusp of graduating from Furin and thinking about his future, you’d grabbed him by the collar and made him promise not to join the yakuza. They constantly tried to recruit from Bofurin, and they especially wanted Sakura, Suo, and Sugishita. You were adamant about chasing them off from Suo and Sakura whenever they approached—you had no need to worry about Sugishita, as Umemiya had already said he shouldn't talk to them, so there was no chance he was going to—and you begged Suo over and over not to join. Delinquency was fine, but a crime syndicate was something else altogether.

Suo seemed serious about it when he said he'd listen to you. He even applied to colleges, talked about maybe becoming a teacher and eventually supporting you so you could stop working in the mizu shobai industry. Back then, he often teased you by saying that you should marry him and be his housewife (or he could be your trophy husband, if you so wished). You thought he was joking, but with the way he always talked about his life after his degree, you wondered if he would seriously suggest it.

Of course, it was most likely just teasing, and you were fine with that. You were simply excited that he'd found a career that would make him happy. Nirei had also been accepted to university at that point, and even Sakura had an honest job lined up on Keisei Street. The future had looked bright for everyone.

Then Suo’s master died, and he lost his fucking mind.

The two of you buried Suo’s master in a Chinese funeral. He had never had children of his own, having satisfied his paternal instincts by picking up strays, and he didn't have much in the way of family in Japan either, so you and Suo performed the shou ling yourselves. One person kept a constant vigil over his body while the other searched on Google for what arrangements should be made next. After all, while Suo’s master had immersed his foremost disciple in his culture, he had never taught Suo any funerary customs. He hadn't thought there would be a need.

Suo didn't cry nearly as much as you, but he was probably in more pain. Your master had trained you a little bit when you were a kid, and he'd taken you in for a while after your parents kicked you out, so of course you were gutted. But he had practically raised Suo, so it was naturally worse for him. More shattering.

You often think about the first night you decided you'd sleep with him in the same futon because he was crying so much. He insisted he was fine, but he didn't complain when you got under the sheets with him and started thumbing away his tears. When you took off his eyepatch, you found, to your astonishment, that he was crying from his missing eye as well. Both of you thought the tear ducts had been destroyed in either the accident or the enucleation, but it appeared that not even that prior trauma could mask his grief over this one.

Nevertheless, by the time of the funeral procession, Suo had stopped crying.

“Master supported us and taught us to stand on our own two feet,” he said as the joss paper burned. He took your hand in his and smiled. “So it'll be fine. We’ll be okay on our own. I'll make sure of it.”

At the time, you had found this very comforting. You didn’t think too much of it, as you had a bad habit of relying on Suo for your emotional stability. His master had raised him to be an emotionally intelligent person, so it had been fine, even though you had a track record of reckless decisions. He’d still exercised endless patience with you. He never once got angry with you, nor did he ever force you to do what he felt was the right thing. Instead, he gently redirected your self-damaging behaviours—not so different from the martial art that he practised.

He disapproved of the run-down and lonely conditions of your apartment, so he spent a great deal of time there and helped make it into a proper home. He didn't like how dangerous your job at the girls’ bar was, so he walked you to and from work every night until you never left without him. He worried when you started having sex with your customers, especially when you began having nervous breakdowns over it (you were, after all, still a teenager and really only interested in having romantic vanilla sex with Suo), so he staged an intervention with Nirei and Sakura. In this way, Suo convinced you that you were loved and protected and didn't need to do something you hated so much. They would get you out if you felt trapped. And you didn't feel trapped, per se, so you left on your own—but it was still only because of them. You promised them afterwards that you'd never do it again.

This was Suo’s brand of kindness as a teenager. He always taught people, guided them away from harm rather than steering them—a behaviour he’d mimicked from your master. Your master, in general, had defined all of Suo’s values and his way of living, which was honest and gentle and conscientious. It was one where he used his abilities to protect the weak and care for his friends. He even kept his spiteful and alarmingly violent tendencies under control, though sometimes he slipped when fighting genuine assholes. But he still tried. He tried because he strived to be as kind as his master—who represented everything that Suo wanted to be in his adult life.

Thus, the death of Suo’s master meant the death of his principles. It changed the kind of man that Suo wanted to be. You don't want to say that he became a worse person, but he absolutely became a worse person.

He especially became a worse person with you.

As it turned out, Suo’s idea of making sure that the two of you would be fine on your own was, well, not really fine. It wasn’t that he became cruel to you, per se. It was more that whenever he saw a problem with your behaviour, his approaches to redirecting it became—put as nicely as possible—heavy-handed.

After your master’s death, you got a job at a high end, yakuza-owned club. Two weeks later, Suo broke his promise to you and joined the yakuza. So I can stay close to you, he explained gently, wiping away your tears as you cried hysterically, but you're convinced to this day that he did it partly out of spite. So a few years later, when you started having sex with your customers again and he tried to stop you, you decided to spite him back. I need to stay on top of the rankings, you'd explained dispassionately. The mamasan said it's fine, and the manager doesn't care. He even thinks it's good for business.

Suo’s response was to simply become the owner of your club.

This move was very extreme, but also very effective. Any customer who so much as brushed against you on the premises was instantly thrown out, and the mamasan started watching you like a hawk to make sure you weren’t going to any love hotels after work. Douhan were off-limits. For the first time since your teens, you became completely celibate—not only because of your new workplace circumstances, but because you simply didn't want to find out what Suo would do if you got together with a man he despised (and he despised every man you dated).

His most absurd play was when he became concerned about your living conditions again. Your latest apartment was too plain, too small, and the area was too dangerous. It didn't even have a shower, and the other tenants behaved concerningly toward you when you went to the bathhouse at night. But the rent was cheap, and it was still an upgrade from your last place, so you shrugged it off when Suo suggested that you move. Even when someone tried to accost you at night, you were nonchalant about it. You kicked the shit out of them in a fight and continued your routine unbothered.

The next month, Suo bought a luxury penthouse and suggested you move in with him.

His offer (command) came with conditions. One of the bigger ones was that you'd let him accompany you out at night if you ever needed to run errands in dangerous places. Or—nevermind, actually. He should really just accompany you everywhere at night. Maybe during the day too. And—ah, there was no way you'd be going to work alone, nor coming back by yourself—you were now always to be driven by someone in his organisation, if he wasn't available himself. Rent was a point of contention, when you asked about it: you wanted to pay at market rate, and he insisted that there was no need to pay at all. He ended up proposing a highly discounted price, which would give you ample financial freedom, but questionable financial independence.

These were insane terms. You knew that if you agreed, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these behaviours were all signs that Suo desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good idea. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Case in point—he was likely connected to the brutal accident that later befell the man who tried to assault you.

“I'm not sure what you're implying, but at least he didn't die,” Suo said cheerfully when you confronted him about it. Which really meant: At least I decided not to kill him. This was a flag bigger and redder than any other you've ever known, and you consider yourself an expert in red flags. You knew you should run in the other direction.

So naturally, you put your arms around him, tenderly said, I'm sorry I've been worrying you, and then you moved in the next day.

While Suo treats you with endless patience, you have personal limits to the patience that you exercise with him. Specifically, your patience with how he treats you.

You don't mind the lack of social freedom, nor the lack of personal freedom, nor the lack of freedom of movement. You also don't mind living with a man full of intractable trauma surrounding the death of every parental figure in his life; in fact, you'd rather be by his side than not, if he needs to cope with something so painful. And anyway, your friendship is otherwise unchanged if you ignore the heavy restrictions he's imposed on every facet of your life. So that's all fine.

But the celibate lifestyle that he's cornered you into? You simply aren't built for it. Holy shit, do you need to get laid.

Nearly two years without sex has brought you close to another nervous breakdown (there have been few better sources of entertainment or validation in your life), and worst of all, it has made your profound lust for Suo incredibly hard to ignore. Waking up every morning to him in a towel, his hair still wet from the shower and his broad silhouette exposed, tests the absolute limits of your self-control. The contours of his lean and muscled form are distracting enough; coupled with the vivid colours and lines of his irezumi, the sight of him becomes maddening. It is a horrible thing to be exposed to when you haven't gotten any dick nor strap in over a year. It gives you thoughts about him that are overtly sexual, which is bad, as you have materially consequential reasons for not wanting to fuck Suo.

Things with him must absolutely stay platonic. But with sexual frustration like yours, being platonic with him means that you need to get erotic with someone else. A boyfriend or girlfriend is out of the question; you don't want to be responsible for yet another brutal accident. So you instead decide to quit your job at his club and start working on Keisei Street. At least this way, you can start fucking your customers again.

It’s a perfect plan. Suo’s oyabun is very indulgent toward him, and everyone else in the family respects him too. He consequently has a tight grip on his organisation and the territory they control, despite his relatively young age. Not a single person is ever to touch Keisei Street—largely because Sakura is part of Roppo-Ichiza, and Suo is nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. Plus, many of his other fellow Furin alumni are in the gang as well. If Suo’s men ever started fucking with people on Keisei Street, it would not only have grave implications for gang relations—it would be personally upsetting for Suo. This means you can fuck all the Keisei Street customers you want, and not get a single one of them threatened or killed.

A pretty brilliant idea, if you do say so yourself.

Suo’s expression doesn't change when you break the news to him. He delicately places his teacup—custom-made from Yixing, just like the matching clay teapot—down on the mahogany tabletop, and he looks at you with a calm smile.

“Come again?”

“I'm quitting my job at Red Dragon,” you repeat. “I already gave the mamasan my resignation.”

“And she accepted it?” Suo asks, in a tone that is so carefully nonchalant that you know it means he is actually furious with her. “How interesting,” he muses. “What brought this on?”

“I've found a better paying opportunity on Keisei Street.”

“I'll give you a raise,” he says easily.

“A raise?” You cock a brow. “The pay is mostly commission-based at Red Dragon. You know that.”

“Then it would be unwise to leave. You have a loyal customer base at Red Dragon. All very rich, and”—his smile grows sharp—“very polite.”

Polite. An interesting word. It actually means: None of them will ever proposition or harass you because they know they'll be maimed if they do. An easy thought to use to your advantage.

“It's loyal but it's small. Everyone who's anyone in this part of town thinks that we’re married. Do you know how hard it is to pull new customers in when they're scared shitless of my yakuza husband? And anyway”—you frown, trying to look as pathetic as possible—“I'm lonely.”

Suo stares. He looks surprised, possibly because you absorb every minute of his free time with silly conversation, new restaurants, and skiing trips. (He likes snow, so you ask for these trips more for him to relax than anything else.) You also text him frequently on days he's working, and he very diligently replies, even if he's in the middle of something like a raid or a hit or brokering a massive deal. Suo still very strictly keeps to his rule of never touching his phone when in conversation with other people—unless he needs to text you.

So his suspicion is fair. Suo is very attentive and doesn't allow you much opportunity for loneliness. In turn, you’ve always been very happy spending time with him, even when it's only him.

“Lonely?” he repeats. “Are you, now?”

“Yes. You work so much,” you complain, which is not a lie, “and I don't have any friends to spend time with when you're gone.”

“You have friends from work.”

“No, I have competition at work. The hostesses are so cutthroat about rankings, they hate me. And each other.”

“You like Shuuhei and Hanzo,” he points out, referring to his men who most frequently chauffeur you.

“Yeah, they're friendly, and they're very funny. I like them, but I can't be their friend.” Suo stares at you, nonplussed, so you spell it out: “They're too scared of you to get close to me. What if it looks like they're trying to fuck the boss’ wife?”

“Hm…” Suo studies you, looking thoughtful. Perhaps for the first time, he's contemplating the consequences of restricting your freedoms and marking you as his. That is to say—maybe he's finally realising that you have no friends and no life.

The beads of his earrings glimmer as he tilts his head at you and frowns. Suo almost looks innocent with that confused face of his. “And how would working on Keisei Street help?” he asks.

“Because all our old friends are there!” you exclaim. “Sakura’s in Roppo-Ichiza now so he’ll definitely be coming by all the clubs. Tsubaki too. And Nirei and Kiryu visit them quite often—and even Tsugeura does sometimes, even though clubbing isn't one of his virtues.” You grab onto his arm, pull yourself close, and give him your most disarming, pleading expression. “Please, Suo?”

“Hm.” He strokes your cheek and looks at you fondly, in the way that one would do with an adorable and slightly annoying kitten. “I don’t think so. It’s not very safe there.”

He isn't wrong. Not only are you untouchable on his turf because of your association to him, Suo has also just crushed all the han-gure and petty criminals in his territory with brutal efficiency. His part of the red light district is, quite ironically, one of the safest places in the city, and certainly safer than Keisei Street.

But undeterred, you point out, “Shuuhei and Hanzo can still drive me there and back if you want. But I don't think it's necessary. Do you really think Sakura would let anything happen to me?”

This is the true brilliance of your plan: capitalising on the fact that Suo is as nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. He pauses as soon as you bring up the point, and you can practically see the gears turning. “Well, if it's him…”

“I even texted him about it. Look—here!” You whip out your phone, receipts ready. The corner of Suo's mouth lifts at your obviously rehearsed pitch. “He says he'd make sure I'm taken care of. And he says it'd be nice because he misses seeing us. Can you believe it—Sakura actually admitted that he misses us! Typed it with his own two hands and pressed send! I bet he was super embarrassed about it.”

“Huh. He even used a sticker. I've never seen him do that.” Suo smiles as he reads through the chat. He looks like his old self. You suddenly feel a little wistful, and also a lot bad. This started as a ploy to get laid, but it’s made you realise that you really do miss your friends—and Suo probably does too.

“If I worked on Keisei Street, then you would have plenty of reason to visit,” you point out, feeling somewhat tender.

“I guess that's true,” Suo says. Your heart aches a little bit at the look he gives you. It's a platonic ache, of course. Or at the very least, it isn't an erotic one. It doesn't really make you want to have sex with him anyway. But if you could lean forward and press your lips to his—platonically—then you definitely would.

Suo's civilian friendships are complicated by his double life. Quite unusually for yakuza, Suo’s syndicate insists on using pseudonyms and false histories to avoid anti-yakuza laws, on the off-chance that the police decide to do their jobs and actually enforce those laws someday. Lying for comedy is one of Suo’s greatest passions, so he was happy to manufacture an absurd backstory: his name is Yanzhao, and he learned kung fu in a Shaolin Temple before moving to Hong Kong and working for the triads. He wears the eyepatch because he lost his eye in an altercation with the cops, which he won. By the way, you're his criminally beautiful wife who he met in Macau. The two of you had to leave for Japan since he killed a police officer and now he's wanted by the governments of both China and Hong Kong. Also, he's a very devoted husband, so if anyone lays a hand on you, he’ll kill them too.

Somehow, everyone has bought into this story. Every criminal organisation in the red light district now fears a high-ranking yakuza known as Yanzhao, who is easily recognizable by his eyepatch and tassel earrings, and who is also homicidally obsessed with his beautiful wife.

In some ways, his infamy is convenient. No one wants to fuck with Suo, or with you by extension. But it also poses some issues: Suo has to keep a low profile in areas controlled by rival organisations, or else he might be ambushed. It also means he cannot easily go out and see his old friends. Even though he always masquerades as a civvie when he does, wearing stud earrings and a glass eye, it's still a little risky—especially since he likes to visit the strongest member of Roppo-Ichiza. While Roppo-Ichiza aren’t yakuza, they're still han-gure, so some of its more criminally entangled members might recognize him anyway.

But Sakura himself, bless him, has not put two and two together and figured out that Suo Hayato and Gui Yanzhao are the same person. This is partly because Suo lies very convincingly about his fictional career in the tea industry, but you think it's also because Sakura is so gullible it's endearing.

I use the glass eye now because it's better for networking, Suo had explained before Sakura could interrogate him too much, his voice too smooth and too quick for the other man to get in a word edgewise. My business partners find the eyepatch too silly. The tassel earrings too. By the way, would you like some Baimudan tea? I thought of you when I smelled it—I know you like fragrant things—so I picked some up for you on my last visit to China. I was there for business a couple of weeks ago.

He, of course, neglected to mention that said business involved meeting with the 14K triad.

Despite the enormity of Suo's omission (lie), Sakura is none the wiser whenever he meets with you. He thinks you're just a regular hostess who has freedom of movement and various other human rights, and that Suo’s just a regular guy who isn’t homicidally obsessed with you (a detail of Suo's fabricated life story that is unfortunately grounded in reality). All this to say, Sakura doesn't think twice about mentioning the fact that you have a routine of going to love hotels after work.

Suo, as always, remains calm in the face of unsettling information. He sets down his tea (just tea, without shochu), and politely says, “Pardon?” He's once again using the nonchalant kind of tone that suggests mortal danger.

“She's always going to love hotels after her shifts.” Sakura is frowning at you, pink but scowling. “I thought you said you were done with that stuff. You promised us you wouldn't do it anymore. Suo—are you really okay with this?”

On the one hand, you find it exceptionally sweet that Sakura, after all this time, remembers your promise and wishes to hold you to it. He was so worried about you when you started having those nervous breakdowns as a teenager, and he probably still is. On the other hand, you're shitting bricks at the fact that Suo is now aware of your activities. Because sure, he likely won't fuck with Keisei Street—but you realise, as he stares at you, that you can't be certain of this. After all, your fake yakuza husband has very real homicidal urges.

“Um,” you say. “It's just business.”

“Business,” Suo repeats.

“You don't have to do that stuff to keep good business,” Sakura grouses, unaware of Suo’s carefully suppressed rage. “You're real popular already.”

“Are you?” Suo asks, looking right at you.

“I mean—I told you the pay would be better, right?” you reply, voice oddly high and nervous, and this is when Sakura notices that something is wrong.

“Oh,” Sakura says, looking between the two of you. “Suo, you didn't know?”

“I didn't,” he says. “Actually, she told me specifically that she wasn't going to do that if she worked here.” He turns to you, still smiling. “That's the only reason why I allowed this at all, remember?”

A chill travels down your spine. You did, in fact, commit to a perpetually sexless lifestyle in order to be granted some semblance of freedom: Of course I won't sleep with any customers, you'd said. You know I don't really like doing that anyway. I promise I'll behave! I’ll be out of the clubs and right back home. Sakura said he’d make sure I’ll get to a cab safely after the bar closes and everything!

“Um,” you say again, but this time you have no follow-up.

“Wait,” Sakura demands, “what do you mean by ‘allowed her’? What, do you need to give her permission to work now or something?”

Suo smiles disarmingly at Sakura. Without missing a beat, he says, “Generally no. But we’re dating now, which complicates what she’s allowed to do with other men at her job.”

Sakura spits out his drink. You choke on your spit.

“I… um?!” Sakura’s staring at you, so you quickly recover. This is a mortifying lie, but it's better than Sakura finding out just how batshit Suo has become since his school days. “I thought we were going to keep that a secret, dear?”

“Ah, you're right. Sorry, I got too excited.” Suo gives you an endeared look before turning to Sakura. “We were going to keep it to ourselves unless we got serious about it. But we've been talking about marriage lately, so I thought it was fine to mention.”

“...”

You’re going to have an aneurysm. Why does every cover that Suo comes up with involve a marital relationship between the two of you?!

“Oh… holy shit.” Sakura’s expression is complicated—somehow, more complicated than yours, even though you’re the one getting cornered into a fake engagement. It's unbelievable how shy he still is about this kind of thing. Maybe it’s just particularly embarrassing since he's known you two for so long, you reason. Regardless, he remembers his social cues enough to say, “Congrats, guys. That's great. That's really great.”

Suo gazes fondly at you across the table. “We were thinking you could be our best man,” he adds, and you consider violently kicking his leg.

“O-oh. Uh, yeah! Sure! But what about Nirei?”

“Rather than having a maid of honour,” you say reflexively, used to lying through your teeth for Suo, “we’d like him to be our best man as well.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Thrown off guard, Sakura completely forgets about the love hotel business. He whips out his phone. “When were you thinking of having your wedding? I'll put it in my calendar.”

“I’m not sure.” Suo turns to you. “What were we thinking again, dear?”

You're going to die. You're going to die and it's a good thing because if you survive this embarrassment, your future will be bleak. As soon as Nirei finds out about this, he’ll want to start helping you with wedding planning, and then it would just be too awkward to cancel things. You’ll have to enter a fake marriage with Suo, which will be completely sexless, because even with a vow of everlasting love, there are still too many concrete and materially consequential reasons for not sleeping with him.

Condemning yourself to a lifetime of sexual frustration, you reply, “I think we were talking about a summer wedding.”

The drive home is awkward.

Hanzo and Shuuhei pick the two of you up. Suo mentioned that he wanted to talk to you and you alone, so they bring the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. The two of them are entirely cut off from you thanks to the soundproofing, which traps you with Suo, who’s drinking a bottle of oolong tea as the two of you sit in complete silence. You think he's waiting for you to squirm—which you do.

You stay like that for five, agonising minutes before Suo finally says, “So you're sleeping with your customers.”

You swallow. “Yes.”

“For business?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you make?”

You blink. “Huh?”

“How much do you get paid for a single night of work, including gifts that your customers give you in exchange for sleeping with them?”

You're halfway through citing your earnings when you realise where he's going with this.

“So you make less than you did at Red Dragon,” Suo concludes, “and you're very smart with your money, so I know you know that, and you probably went into this knowing that you'd end up at a net loss.” He turns to you, gives you a look so sharp that it almost scares you. All made worse by his civilian disguise, which makes him feel unfamiliar. His glass eye shines strangely in the light, and his scar tissue is hidden by the makeup you helped apply. You wish he'd taken it all off before having this conversation.

“So,” he says, “what’s the real reason you changed jobs?”

Already knowing that he’ll figure you out sooner or later, you admit, “I just wanted to start having sex again.”

Suo blinks. “You… what?”

“I wanted to have sex with people,” you repeat. “I hadn't been touched for nearly two years, okay? I needed to get laid or else I'd go insane.” You cross your arms and look away, suddenly feeling petulant. “I'm sure you've noticed that our arrangement makes it impossible for me to see people.”

He doesn't answer, because of course he's noticed. He’d designed his house rules with precisely this intent. If he accompanies you everywhere you go, then you can't exactly go on dates, and you definitely can't meet people for sex. Not unless you feel like having Suo watch as some anonymous guy fucks you, and you don't. As hot as the idea is, it’s definitely not platonic behaviour, and it would probably trigger the whole homicidal obsession thing.

“Do you like it?” Suo asks, startling you. You look at him, confused.

“What?”

“Do you enjoy having sex with your customers?” he asks. His voice and gaze are even. Unrelenting. “Does it make you happy?”

You stare at him, a deer caught in headlights. You didn't expect Suo to actually care about whether you enjoyed it or not, and you didn't really expect to care yourself either. But truthfully, you hated it. You simply weren't feeling it with most of your customers and avoided intercourse with all but one. Then in that one case you let someone earnestly fuck you, it was a complete letdown. Possibly the worst sex you'd ever had. You spent the whole time watching the clock, wondering how long it would take, and it turned out that your hookup had remarkable stamina but absolutely no technique. To pass the time, and in an attempt to feel something, you tried to imagine it was someone else who was inside you. You cycled through a whole list of people, including all of your exes, a few of your past customers, every single member of BTS, and then—finally, inevitably—your long-time friend, roommate, and landlord.

To your complete horror, when you imagined that it was Suo who had you folded in half, his cock so deep inside you that you could feel it in your throat, you came so hard that you drenched the sheets.

You lay there afterward as your customer showered, alone in the bed. Normally you'd be getting dressed at that point, but you were too distracted. You kept thinking about what it would feel like to be held by Suo after having your guts rearranged by him—embraced tenderly like you know he would do with you, kissing him platonically like you've always wanted to do with him—and you realised that you didn’t actually want to have sex with anyone else. Despite all your life experience, sexual experience, and job experience—in that moment, you felt like a lonely nineteen year old girl who wanted nothing more than to have romantic, vanilla sex with her best friend, but who was instead having impersonal, disappointing sex with various salarymen.

This was a feeling so disgusting that you’ve decided to never tell anyone at any cost.

“Yeah, it's fine. I guess I like it.” You pretend to study your nails. “Sometimes I cum, which is all I really want.”

Suo keeps staring at you. “That’s it?” he asks, voice measured and careful. You raise a brow, playing dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“That's all you want? Just to get off?”

You gaze out the window, trying not to look at his lips.

“Yes, that's all.”

No matter how batshit Suo gets, he always maintains a certain kindness and maturity in how he handles conflict with you. It's a lesson that he learned from his master, which has perhaps been distorted over time, but remains important to him nevertheless.

If you do something upsetting, Suo is never forceful about getting you to act differently. Sure, he has fucked up ways of either getting you to behave or making you understand the consequences of your actions, and perhaps he has his manipulative moments. It was probably not a good thing that he coaxed you into indefinite house arrest, for instance. But he never threatens you, and he never hits you, and he never disrespects you. In fact, more than anything, he makes it a point to never let you feel like you aren't loved.

So when Suo abandons you after that conversation in the Rolls Royce, you lose your fucking mind.

Suo doesn’t come home in the days following that evening, without any note nor explanation. For the first time in years, he stops replying to your texts. Your immediate thought is that he's been gravely injured or perhaps even killed, which sends you into a panicked spiral. But every one of his men who's come by to check on you has implied otherwise—but I'm not allowed to tell you anything else, anesan, I’m sorry, they all say. And when you realise that Suo is actually fine and he's just playing a fucked up mind game with you, one that makes you feel distinctly unloved, you feel simultaneously heartbroken and apoplectic. The man is not allowed to corner you into de facto imprisonment and then just fucking leave. In fact, if he tries, you might imprison him.

You spend a few days sitting at home and crying over this, as well as torturing yourself by thinking about useless things (fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, et cetera). But eventually, you get tired of wallowing in self-inflicted misery, and you decide to just track your fake husband down. His men have been adamant about not letting you out of their sight—presumably so you don’t fuck any more of your customers, because Suo can be spiteful like that—so you have to be strategic about your plan to find him.

You decide to do it during work. You tap out in the middle of a shift, feigning illness, so nobody bats an eye when you put on the most shapeless hoodie you own and throw on a face mask. Your chauffeurs (handlers) don't notice as you sneak off—and for the first time in years, you walk through the red light district all alone.

It feels strange not to be protected, and even stranger not to be surveilled. You marvel at the unfamiliar experience of complete freedom, and at the possibility of being able to run off and disappear if you so wished. But you don't, of course. Not only do you care too deeply for Suo to abandon him, you're also pretty sure he has your driver’s licence and ID card locked up somewhere. At least you haven't been able to find them, and Suo was oddly evasive about it when you asked. (I haven't seen them, he'd said, but I don't think you’d need either of those things immediately, anyway, do you? And you nodded in response, because it was true that you liked being his passenger princess too much to care about your licence.)

So rather than bolting for the subway, you head straight to your old workplace. The gleaming doors of Red Dragon welcome you as you cross its threshold, and you're greeted immediately by the scent of luxury colognes and expensive cigars—both evoking a strange nostalgia in you. Even the click of your heels against the marble floor feels familiar. You realise that you've missed the place despite its cutthroat culture and its owner’s authoritarian control over you, which you suppose isn't surprising. This club was more or less your home for years and, thanks to said owner, was the safest place you've ever worked.

And being that you feel you've returned to your very safe home, you don't expect it when you're abruptly stopped by the bouncer.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his arm in your way. You don't recognize him, but you see the edges of his irezumi peeking out from the rolled-up cuffs of his shirt.

“Yeah, actually,” you say. “I'm looking for Gui Yanzhao. Is he here right now?”

The bouncer—or chinpira, you guess—bristles.

“You're looking for who?”

“Yanzhao?” you say impatiently. “Eyepatch, tassel earrings? Owner of the club? Probably your boss?”

The bouncer steps forward and reaches for something in his pocket, which makes you suddenly nervous, and also makes you realise that in a hoodie and a face mask, you ordinarily wouldn't be allowed in this club, let alone into the room of its yakuza owner. You're so used to VIP treatment here that you simply forgot.

You take a step back. “Um. I think there's been a misunderstanding.” You lower your face mask, which doesn't help as you've never met this man, and he must be new. You’ll need to complain to Suo about his onboarding process later, if you aren't killed before you can find him.

It turns out that this yakuza rookie has a knife in his pocket, which is not the worst thing he could have been carrying, but is also not the best. You're getting ready to run in the other direction when a more senior member of the gang comes by. He gives you a startled look, which then turns alarmed when he sees his younger brother’s knife.

“Anesan!” he yells hurriedly, and he snatches the chinpira’s knife straight from his hand. His lunge for the weapon turns into a hurried bow. He pulls his colleague—whose face has turned very white in a very short amount of time—into an even deeper one. They look on the verge of prostrating.

“Oh, Yamashita. Hi! Is this guy new?”

“Yes! My sincerest apologies for my younger brother’s idiocy, and his insolence in raising a weapon at you.” There's a sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. “If you would like him to atone, then he would be more than happy to—”

“No, that's fine. I'd really like him to keep all his fingers.” If you have to see a rookie cut off his pinkie today, you think you might actually change your mind on running away. Fuck your documents—Suo can keep them. Surely life without proof of identity can't be that hard. “By the way,” you say, trying to change the topic before Yamashita can suggest alternative acts of atonement, “have you seen my husband?”

Yamashita hesitates at your question, looks conflicted. You feel a little bad for him, and for every other gang member who needs to worry about accidentally offending Suo. You watch him sweat for a full ten seconds before he says, “You can follow me. But anesan, you might find it unpleasant upstairs. I can find someone to drive you home instead, if you'd like.”

You give him a funny look. This was your workplace for a very long time—you can’t think of many things that would happen here that might seriously upset you. “What, is he cheating on me?” you guess.

“What? No! Aniki would never!” Yamashita seems genuinely shocked at the suggestion. “He's crazy about you!”

“Then I'm sure he’ll be happy to see me,” you say, although given that he's ignored your texts for four days straight, you aren't so sure. Regardless, this seems to be good enough reasoning for Yamashita, and you’re taken to the top floor of Red Dragon. You ponder the whole time, on the elevator ride up, just what exactly Suo’s been up to that's made Yamashita this nervous about letting you see him.

Then the door opens, and you’re given your answer in the form of several body bags—all cleanly zipped up and conscientiously laid out in front of the elevators in a single, neat row. A sight that is significantly worse than a rookie cutting off his pinkie finger.

“Oh,” you say faintly. You try not to throw up. “So this is why he hasn't been home.”

“Exactly!” Yamashita replies, beaming. “See, anesan, I told you. He'd never cheat on you!”

Suo is in the lounge of the top floor, which has been cleared of both civilians and corpses for the night. He's sitting on one of the couches, leaning back with his one eye closed, as if asleep. The golden tassels of his earrings are draped over the expensive leather of his seat, intertwined with his dark hair. A cup of tea sits in front of him, steaming. Even this far away, you recognize it by the scent alone: jasmine, probably from Longjing. One of the most expensive blends he has, and that which he saves for days he’s stressed, though he never admits it when he is.

The sight of him would almost look tranquil, except for all the blood on his knuckles and his cuffs.

Off to the side, two of his younger brothers are chatting away. One is pouring cups of some doubtlessly expensive liquor, and the other is smoking a cigar. There's karaage on the table too. You recognize all of this as part of a ritual that some of the guys like to do after a hit or a shootout, not dissimilar to getting ramen or McDonald’s after going to a club.

You catch a bit of their conversation as you approach. One of them holds up the liquor bottle (Isojiman sake, you now recognise from your girls’ bar days, one of the rarer bottles costing around nine million yen) and asks Suo if he wants to join. “No thanks,” he says predictably, “I'm on a diet.” Then he turns and looks right at you—startling you, because you had thought you were being fairly quiet—and gives you a smile so genuine that it reminds you of his Furin days. “Would my beautiful wife like to drink for me, though?”

“No thanks,” you reply, “but your beautiful wife would like to talk to you.”

The two guys clear out to give you some privacy. You’re left alone with Suo, feeling awkward after several days of resenting him for no reason. (You’d rather die than go to therapy, but the whole fear of abandonment thing is probably something you should start addressing.) You don't even know where you want to sit. Eventually, you settle for placing yourself next to him, which is a decision that Suo quickly overturns by pulling you into his lap.

A flutter erupts in your stomach as he settles you on top of him. This physiological reaction is absurd, as not even ten minutes ago, you were trying not to throw up at the line of corpses in front of the elevator. It should also scare you somewhat that Suo’s hands—delicately adjusting your body—are still covered in blood. But truthfully, you can't help but be happy when he makes you feel so loved.

You take one of the napkins on the table and start wiping at his knuckles. Tenderly, in case they're bruised or skinned.

“You didn't call or come home,” you start.

“I thought it would be too dangerous.”

You frown, thinking of all the bodies outside. “Was this a rival organisation?”

“No. They were ours.” He sighs. “A succession conflict. There are a few people who don't like how I'll run things if I take over.”

You nod. Suo is very old-fashioned in his ideals about the yakuza, which you think is an imprint of his master’s influence, and something that appeals to his current ‘father’. He values chivalry. He likes protecting the weak. His filial devotion to his deceased master has now extended to every member of his yakuza family, especially his oyassan. He’s almost certainly the top candidate for taking over after the oyabun dies, but being that part of his old-fashioned principles excludes lucrative projects such as sex trafficking, you suppose it’s natural that some people in his organisation would prefer him dead rather than in charge.

“You’ve never ghosted me during violent conflicts before though,” you say. “I was worried that something happened to you. Or that you were upset with me.”

Suo’s hand drops to your waist, pulling you a little closer.

“They knew where we live. They tried to get to you, you know.” Your eyes widen in alarm, so he cups your face with a palm. His thumb glides along your cheek, and your response is almost Pavlovian: your heart rate immediately slows at the comfort of his touch. “It’s fine. They won't bother you ever again.” The cheerful smile returns. “And if anyone else ever does, I'll handle them too.”

Your heart swells. Enthusiastic pledges of murder are not a healthy sign of affection, but after so much loneliness—whether from the past several days, or the years before that, you aren't sure—you can't find it in yourself to be disturbed. You feel and sound painfully fond when you reply, “I know.”

Suo’s expression dims a little then. “I thought you'd like the space anyway.”

“What?” You give him a confused look. You have never once given him any indication that you want even an inch of space from him. You'd crawl into his ribcage if you could. “Why would you think that?”

“I thought you felt suffocated. You left my club just so you could have sex with other people.” You blink, lingering on his wording. Other people. He continues before you can ask about it, sighing, “You didn't even ask me who I'd give permission to touch you. You just went ahead and decided on your own.”

“...”

You try not to look disturbed. Suo’s apparent wish to control your sexual decisions is news to you, and somehow more alarming than the murder pledge. And even worse—you immediately clench in response to his words. The thought of Suo dictating who does and doesn't get to touch your cunt is… well, your mind is heading in a distinctly non-platonic direction.

Trying to ignore the heat in between your thighs (but at the same time encouraging it), you ask: “Who would you have been, um, okay with touching me?”

“Sakura or Nirei,” he says immediately. “Though only Sakura would be interested.”

“What.” You gape at him, all arousal forgotten. “Bullshit. He would never.”

“Yes, he would.” Suo tilts his head. “Haven't you noticed?”

“I don't think there's anything to notice? And also—he’s so shy, I don't think he'd ever agree even if he were interested!” You give him a bewildered look. “He couldn't even look at us when we said we were getting married, he was so embarrassed!”

“Embarrassed?” Suo stares at you, an amused glint in his eye. “Is that what you thought was going on?”

“Was there anything else?”

He studies you for a moment, clearly entertained but not explaining why. “Well—it’s fine,” he says. “It doesn't matter for now. Especially since he's helping us plan a wedding and all.”

You make a face. “I still can't believe that's the cover you went for.”

“Are you upset with it?” he asks smoothly, and you huff and say yes, but from his sly look, you think he knows it's a lie.

Naturally, you deflect before he can further interrogate you. “So, given that you are now my fiancé, am I no longer allowed to work on Keisei Street and see customers after my shifts?”

You don’t expect it when Suo says, “No, you can.”

You stare. “What?”

“You can keep seeing customers if you'd like. You said it makes you happy, so why would I stop you?” Suo’s brow furrows, his usual calm replaced with concern. “Do you really think I do the things I do to make you miserable?”

Guilt gnaws at your heart. He looks so disappointed. “No,” you tell him. “I just thought it'd make you miserable that I was sleeping with people without your permission.” It is partly why you hid it from him in the first place, after all. You don't like to see him sad—you’re still haunted by the deep grief he was in, after your master died—and also, his misery tends to bring bodily harm to other people these days.

Cognizant of both concerns, you ask, “You’re really okay with me sleeping with my customers? I can stop, if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I still don't like it, but you can continue for now if you want.”

Suo’s mouth curls—not in a gentle way, as has been his expression since seeing you walk in, but in a way that sets off your flight or fight response.

“I'm sure we’ll reach a mutual understanding soon enough.”

END PART 1

thank you genuinely if you read all that because this is a deranged au and I still can't believe I wrote it sldfkjsldfkj. please do let me know if you enjoyed my yandere suo delusions. sorry there was no smut in this chapter. I promise there is a ton in the next one (probably too much... lol. it's a 10k chapter and literally half of those words are about orgasm denial sldfkjalskdjdf). it's completely written and I hope to edit and have it up by next week!

also here is glossary of terms and world building notes if you are interested!

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics !! <3

[millysastroblog]

RANDOM ASTRO NOTES 💋💄

💄Hello, guys I’m back with a simple decent Astro observation. So yeah , noo dragging and arguments over here. If u want drama and tea you probably will have to wait for a while 😅!

Anyways enjoy yourself as always ;)

💋 Uranus in the 5th house is an underrated creative placement , they come up with the wildest creative ideas ever 💡

💋 Moon air sign in the 4th house ppl love to communicate with their family , these are people who constantly need to call and message their loved ones📞

💋7th house stelliums don’t feel comfortable being all on their own.

💋Moon conjunct Saturn , Saturn in the 4th house look like Stone cold , heartless bitches, but they are not. They hide any kind of vulnerable emotions to protect themselves from criticism, abandonment and being misunderstood . It’s an protective shield that they build from young adolescents . they close their hearts , so nobody can enter in it to use their vulnerability against them. # past childhood trauma # pls give them a hug 🤗

💋moon , Venus Aquarius ,11th house love to be around their friends ,they feel emotionally connected to them , sooooo better not fuck with their friends!!!! ( not in a sexual way, you get what I mean right?? Yeah!)

💋Jupiter in the 2nd and 6th tend to have a huge appetites.

💋Sun square moon can make for indecisive individuals.

💋Sun conjunct moon Moon on the other hand can be very decisive and strong headed . Not always in a negative way , but what they feel or say is something they’ll rarely change for anybody.

💋 Neptune is the 11th use technology , phone, social media as escapism.

💋Neptune in the 7th , Venus- Neptune , Venus in Pisces use relationships as escapism,focus is heavily directed to love life. Forgetting anything and everything when In love 😍!

💋Mercury in Sagittarius, Mercury- Jupiter aspects can cut your soul with their bluntness. #Gordon Ramsay

💋 Venus in 4th, Jupiter in the 4th house can come from a pretty, good, wealthy, stable family’s.

💋 Jupiter in the 12th house are spiritualy connected and protected by the divine ,since birth . They naturally love to practice spiritual stuff like meditation, yoga, tarot, etc.

💋Aries , Gemini, Capricorn ,Scorpio are the most disliked zodiac signs in astrology !

💋Moon in the 4th house if good aspected feel a close connection towards their mummy . 😚

💋Sun in the 4th house are very loyal to their mum.

💋Moon in Aquarius/ 11th house are somehow everybody’s bestie 🦋✌🏽.

💋Moon in the 12th house ppl need isolation and distance from ppl more than everything.

💋Aries , Taurus , Scorpios, Sagittarius ppl can not be controlled or told what to do !

💋 Mars in the 10th house if negatively aspected can argue and fight with their parents, bosses people who have power over them , they hate to be controlled and told what to do , troublemaker for rebelling structures and rules.

💋Mars/ Uranus in the 1st are generally chaotic troublemakers, rebelling against everything and anything that comes their way.

💋Pluto in the 3rd /11th , Lilith in the 3rd/11th house could have been, badly bullied when younger have ppl spitting on them ,cutting their hair, just awful things happening to them # protect these babies 😣😢!!

💋 Uranus in the 1st, 4th,7th, 10th,11th tend to feel weird , unique, different from others .

💋Pluto in the 11th have very profound intense close friendships, they love or hate their friends with all their heart, calling and checking up on them, telling dark hidden secrets to each other, being ride or die friends for one another. When I die I’ll take care of ur family type of friendships, strong, deep sexual friendships ( fwb) situations if connected to the 7th house ruler or Venus !!!

💋Pluto in the 6th house are either very organized, punctual, ocd , clean freak or the complet opposite having a chaotic room, chaotic schedule, doing everything or nothing at the moment , extreme daily living to the point of burn out, exhaustion or even sickness.

💋Venus -Jupiter = over shopping, spending, buying.

💋Venus-Saturn= hoarding money, stingy, observing Bank out daily, making plans on how to increase income.

💋Mercury in Capricorn have an interesting tone of voice, when they speak people tend to quietly listen to what they have to say. Good in arguments. They just can demanding respect because of how serious and engaged they are in a conversation. Business minded 🫰🏽💵

💋Pluto in the 3rd / Mercury - Pluto voices are deeeepp, intense,loud just so intriguing and addictive to listen to, especially the men omg they have the most seductive voices. 🥵

💋Chiron, Neptune in the 3rd might have siblings or classmates who make fun of how they speak, not listening to what they have to say, ignoring them or not believing what comes out their moth.

💋Moon in the 3rd house can be very emotionally attached to their siblings, always communicating and spending lots of time with them.

💋Sun conjunct Neptune are kind, empathetic , sensitive and intuitive souls just like Pisces Sun !

💋Chiron in the 1st/ 10th house don’t like pictures taken of them or being filmed, very self conscious about how they are perceive by others.

💋 Capricorn Rising / Saturn in the 1st are waaaayyy grown before their actual time. These ppl can fake their whole existence based on how old they look, entering in clubs at literally the age of 15 , Early bloomers ! #apperance

💋Taurus Rising/Sagittarius/ Libra is a placement that usually indicates having a big ass, wide hips, and strong big things 🍑👀!

Thx for reading 💕

•~Milly~•

[my-pjo-stuff]

*YAPPING AHEAD, THIS IS LONG*

As someone who has circled through a LOT of fandoms, you know what differentiates the PJO fandom from most of the others? Their raging hatred for what normally would be a very popular character archetype. "Who's that character archetype then" you ask? The answer is Luke Castellan. Unirnonically, I'm complety straight with this.

Luke Castellan is one of the most popular character archetypes in most other fandoms I am/were in.

Now before I get further into this meta, we should establish what archetype Luke actually is and what the criteria are. To me, Luke is the classical Sympathetic Fallen Hero. Someone who only wanted what's best at the end of the day who was wronged by an unjust system, and pushed into straight-up villainy and evil deeds in a desperate attempt for revenge or justice. Oftentimes that push happened by him joining up with a larger, more evil figure who manipulated his hatred into serving this larger, evil goal. Generally also has some deep-rooted trauma in the form of a DARK backstory.

Like literally, that guy is TEXTBOOK. He checks all the boxes. -Someone who only wanted what's best at the end of the day

Check. His goal was a "golden age" for demigods, a future where they would no longer have to die during quests or would be abandoned by their godly parents.

-and pushed into straight-up villainy and evil deeds in a desperate attempt for revenge or justice.

Check. Luke wanted both revenge and justice, which led him to form the Titan Army and all the bad stuff he did. Some include attempting to kill Percy multiple times and leading attacks on camp. The obvious superiority the gods would have over a demigod army led to Luke allying himself with Kronos and other evil forces. (Thus the "desperate" part)

-Oftentimes that push happened by him joining up with a larger, more evil figure who manipulated his hatred into serving this larger, evil goal.

Check. On multiple occasions has it been mentioned that Kronos punished and pressured Luke, using fear tactics to get him to do what he wanted. I mean- Kronos himself said that he would have preferred Percy because he "did things easier" referring to taking the CoA ("I had to pressure Luke in many ways(.....)")

-Generally also has some deep-rooted trauma in the form of a DARK backstory.

Check. His mother went insane when he was still an infant. Hermes practically abandoned them, leaving Luke to be raised by his mentally unstable mother having episodes that scarred him so bad he hid in closets. He proceeded to run away at 9, living on the streets completely alone before meeting Thalia. From then on he went around with her having to deal with monsters. Hal happened, they met Annabeth and Luke started to get parentified/parentified himself. He proceeded to watch Thalia die as he attempted to get to camp at 14. At the same age he had his quest, which he failed and got himself a nasty scar. Luke proceeded to get no discernable mental help or sufficient support to deal with the mental strain resulting from that. Instead, he was put into a caretaker role for younger children not only showing him the results of the system's neglect first hand but also effectivley robbing him of any semblance of a childhood. Once Kronos got to him he continued to the plagued by nightmares.

All that being said, we now established that Luke in fact is a textbook example of what I call the Sympathetic Fallen Hero. (SFL for short from now on) Now onto my point that the other fandoms generally really love the SFL archetype that Luke is. That I will do with examples. Before I list these examples, a short disclaimer. I HEAVILY shortened and abridged the plot and storylines on here as to not make this post overly long. I definitely recommend checking each of these media/characters out for yourself.

Anyway, here we go : STAR WARS :

A big part of the fandom LOVE Anankin/Darth Vader whom they view as a SFH. (Even though him not really being a SFL in the way that he checks all the boxes. But I'm going with the majority fandom view here so ig Vaderkin counts. For those who want, I made a post on my main comparing him to Luke here and how Luke is what the star wars fandom pretends Vader is.)

MY HERO ACADEMIA/BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA:

I want to talk the Villain Deku AU. Which is basically just an evil version of the MC who also checks all the SFH boces. The AU is hugely popular in the fandom with tons of fanart, animatics, cosplays and even a fan song. Honorable mention to the main anatonigst from the League of Villains, but especially Shigaraki and Dabi. They may not check ALL SFH boxes but an overwhelming majority. They are very popular with the fandom and generally regarded very kindly. Another honorable mention goes out to Stain. Also doesn't check ALL the SFH boxes, but most, and is also regarded generally positivley by the fandom.

THE PROMISED NEVERLAND

Norman, one of the main trio, spends a good part of the later manga seperated and leading his own resistance group against the main bad guy race (of monsters eating human brains- long story but I recommend the manga(don't watch s2 of the anime tho, it's basically the pjo movies for the manga)). Later on it is revealed that the main bad race isn't pure evil. Norman however got to the point where he wanted to commit a straight-up genocide against the race. Women, children, and elderly included. Bit of an outlier for a SFH, since he has no higher figure manipulating him into wanting to commit that genocide- but I'll let it slide. I did use the words "oftentimes" and "generally"- he also get's "redeemed" at the end/stopped from committing said genocide. Again the fandom regards him positively, even having him as a fan favorite.

NARUTO CLASSIC/NARUTO SHIPPUDEN

..... I mean most of the villains are SFH in that show. To the point where we would be here ages if I wanted to list them all. The two main examples most popular with the fandom tho would be Pain and Sasuke. Pain is a main villain whose home got destroyed, partially because of the MC's own home village. He watched his own parents die, and later lost one of his two best friends which finally pushed him over the edge (among others). Pain is also an outlier in terms of a SFH since he didn't have a major bad guy to manipulate him, instead leading his own evil (basically) terrorist cell. His goal was to achieve world peace by harnessing an ancient power, wanting others to suffer as much as he did so they recognize the value of peace. He killed a BUNCH of people. Pain did later revive a good chunk at the price of his own life however post redemption by the MC. Sasuke is the secondary MC and rival of the protagonist. Honestly he has so much going on I couldn't possibly mention it all. Basics are that his family got killed by his own brother due to difficult politics, he was the only survivor. His drive for revenge against his older brother caused him to join up with the main bad guy of Naruto Classic who rly only wanted him as a vessel (flashbacks much). Sasuke betrays his home for the bad guy to get the power he needs to take revenge. All that was stoked by the main bad guy and his comments. More plot happens, turns out the brother rly wasn't entierly bad and was also just used by other higher powers. Sasuke switches sides again and kills OG bad guy and joins up with Pain's previously mentioned terrorist group. The main goal from there is to destroy his home village who used his brother. He was not shy to kill ppl at that point, and was also basically ready to just commit a genocide on his own home. More plot happens, he get's redeemed eventually. Again in both cases the two are CRAZY popular with the fandom.

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS

I talked about this once already on here, but the fandom seems to LOVE AUs where dark!Percy just opts to straight up overthrow Olympus. I don't think i have to elaborate more on that tbh, but for those that are interested: Here's the post I made about the fandom's hypocrisy concerning dark!Percy and Luke.

And those were only 5 examples, there are many more SFL examples LOVED by the fandom I haven't mentioned here. I'm sure of that.

Seeing this pattern really makes me wonder why Luke seems to be so despised. Logic would dictate him to be rather popular.

My personal theory ? It's a mix of a few factors. Those being : A) The fandom over-sympathizes with Percy Jackson

Percy is easily the most popular character in the fandom. He is the MC afterall. The fandom tends to take his side no matter what, without properly and honestly empathizing with his enemies. It's similar to having rose tinted glasses with a relative or friend. You take their side no matter what- not even wanting to hear out the other side. The fandom seems to have an inherent bias towards Percy, those nice to Percy are viewed positivley. Those having more negative interactions (,even if the interaction is relatively low on the nagtive scale, like a character being critical of Percy for example,) are generally viewed more negativley.

B) The First Person POV of the books and the average age of the fans when they first read the books.

This relates to the first factor in the way that the very Percy-centric set up of the fandom AND the books influence the fandom's perception of characters. The books where Luke appears in are all in Percy's POV. Luke as a character in very complex and needs a lot of empathy and reading between the lines to properly understand and analyze. The books being in Percy's POV hurt Luke in the way that Percy's opinion of Luke is omnipresent with him. Any First Person POV is inherently unreliable, thus Luke often gets presented as a rather one-dimensional evil since that's what Percy views him as for most the book. Luke lacks his own POV, meaning he doesn't really get the chance to truly explain himself. Then ontop of that is the fact that everything he does is filtered through Percy's eyes which are inherently hostile towards him ost the time. Such delivers a wrong first impression of Luke throughout the books. The fandom, due to their attachment to Percy, often do not take their time to objectivley reevaluate his POV or confront the fact that he's an inherently unreliable narrator. Especially for Luke. Furthermore, from what I have seen are a lot of the fans in the fandom "old timers". People who read the first few books as young children and were children when their opinions of characters formed. Them having been so young when first getting introduced to the characters saw them often unable to even really realize all I said above. It also further glorifies Percy as he get's the nostalgia bonus. People generally do not like to challenge their own believes, so large parts of the fandom never took their time to reevaluate Luke and his story once they got older and learnt about the concept of Unreliable Narrators.

C) The fandoms views Luke as a threat to Percy and Percabeth.

This relates to both factors above, while also including the popular false narrative of Luke being a "pedo" or "groomer" If you read the first five books you will see that besides his last question to Annabeth at the end, nothing Luke does can be even remotely read as pedophilic or grooming of nature. Quite the opposite acctualy! He has stated on multiple occasions canonically that he sees his relationship with Annabeth as platonic. The ONLY canonical romantic relationship he had was with a grown monster. He's only ever portrayed having interest in adult women (monsters) , and even that romance plot is just barely there. The fandom, again, is overly attached to Percy however. And they do not like it when other characters challenge him. Luke however is the MOST challenging character for Percy. Not only does he serve as main antagonist, but he also serves as a narrative foil to Percy. He is what Percy could become. He's the canonical dark!Percy AU. He's the other side of the coin toss. Furthermore, Luke also challenges Percy not only on the physical department (fights) but also in terms of morals. At the end of the day Luke was right afterall. One could argue that Percy wasn't really fighting for the "good guys"- he was simply fighting for the "lesser of two evils" Luke brings moral challenges to Percy. He doesn't allow Percy to be a wholly good , squeaky-clean hero. Percy was fighting for the upkeep of an oppressive system. (If U wanna argue with me on the gods being oppressive, take it up with the offical wiki article first : found here) Percy killed other demigods. Percy had flawed views. The fandom who over sympathise with Percy didn't like that Luke was an active threat towards the "goodness" of their favorite. The easiest way out eliminate that "threat" was to demonize Luke. Thus making his points "invalid" as he now was a pure evil villain only aiming to hurt. (Same for the entier TA btw) Percabeth is just as popular as Percy. Annabeth had a deep and important connection to Luke- at the time of the books arguably even deeper and more important than her connection to Percy. Throughout the book has Percy expresses annoyance at Annabeth's insistence in holding onto Luke. This combined with the points above saw Luke being viewed as a possibly threat, due to him being arguably the most important person of the other gender in Annabeth's life. And an obvious point of contention between Percabeth. Inorder to lessen that "threat" the fandom turned to demonizing Luke (again). Annabeth's and Luke's relationship can easily be swept away by saying that Luke was interested in her romantically thus making him a pedo, no ? As for the grooming....... honestly? People just used a buzzword there, because if Luke truly had groomed Annabeth she would have been on his side on the books. All I can say there is please you guys, read a dictionary and know what words mean before you use them.

D) Rick fumbled HARD writing Luke

Luke may just have been the biggest continuous mistake Uncle Rick made in terms of writing. His characterisation in the first two books made him seem VERY evil and unlikable, which is bad as a first impression for a character such as him. SFL like Luke need a lot of focus and insight aswell as sympathy to get behind them. In most examples I mentioned for SFL they backstory was known very early on and they had a lot more focus outside of villainy. Rick simply didn't give that. The backstory reveal with Luke happened far too late, he was far too evil with too little insight for a SFL in the first two books. His "redemtion" was a bit rushed. We got basically nothing on his relationship with his army. His goods sides and his doubts weren't really highlighted enough early on. His last words and questions to Annabeth were frankly said stupid. It broke the themes of family between Luke and Annabeth to some degree and only served as fodder for later accusations. The fact that it was (apperantly) later confirmed that he romantically loved Annabeth was just straight up stupid. It wasn't in character at all and just broke the themes even more, not to mention that it goes against everything we previously saw or heard of Luke. Not to mention that it also just served as further fodder for the fandom to demonize Luke.

Thanks for everyone who stuck around to read this absolute giant of a meta XD Probably was the largest Tumblr post I have written so far.

[buckera]

so we know buck likes to do flowers/hot air balloon/etc...

but curious what tommy's love language/how he'll be romantic is. Like, he def likes the flirty teasing to show affection, but do you think he likes giving gifts or cooking dinners... idk, Buck is more the romantic speech giver, tommy prob prefers action.

idk, just wanna know how tommy romances bc so far he's wooed buck by being a) muscly b)Cool and c) a dork

mm actually... i think Buck is into the actions and big gestures, though he is getting better at talking about his feelings, not just letting them take the reigns and see where he ends up with them lmao

on the other hand, Tommy is very measured. he doesn't seem to say anything without intention, even his silly little quips and dark jokes are all there as a stress response — plus he listened to Buck ramble on and on, before realising he had a shot and shutting him up with a kiss lmao

based on what Lou told us about what he imagines Tommy's background to be like and what we saw in canon in season 2 and season 7... Tommy's childhood traumas seem to be pretty similar at the core as Buck's; abandonment issues, feeling alone and lonely, looking for love and family, people to belong to and a place to call home — the difference is that Buck had Maddie (on and off, but mostly on) and then the 118 and Bobby, while Tommy had no one.

for most of his adult life, Buck has been surrounded by people who he could come out to without an overwhelming fear that he'd lose the relationships, so much so that he went for it after having one kiss and a botched date with a guy.

Tommy had a homophobic boss/father figure of sorts, and a bunch of guys who followed Gerrard's lead; even if he had a months- or even years long relationship with a man, I don't think he would've ever risked coming out at all.

Tommy learned what his needs and wants are, and how to recognise his feelings, what's the appropriate way to express them and how to be true to himself, probably through a lot of self-reflection and therapy. (and now he clearly has a lot of friends and is easy to make friends with — however deep those relationships run, we'll just have to see if they'll show us more of that in s8)

all this to say; Tommy recognises Buck's needs and wants because he has been there and is probably still there.

so the way i see it; Tommy would already know how he feels, but would wait for Buck to say 'I love you' first, allowing him to set the pace and show his comfort levels in the the relationship.

but after that? he would say it to Buck every day, he'd tell him how important he is to Tommy, he would make time for just the two of them, but would also include Buck in group activities with his friends, he would never stop checking in on him, even when he's kinda sure that Buck really is just tired and he would know when something is important to Buck even when he waves it off as 'nevermind' and if they ever had a fight, he'd let Buck walk it off, cool down and when he was back, they would sit down and talk and they wouldn't get up until they talked everything through and reached a peaceful middle ground

and when Buck would show up with the bouquets and the fancy tickets to monster truck derbys and packed lunch for their couple's hikes, Tommy would tell him in every which way possible with his words and his touch just how much he truly appreciates Buck's presence in his life.

TLDR: Tommy's love language is communication and reassurance.

[valewritessss]

Reasons why people hate Annabeth Chase and why I disagree. Warning: this a very long rant and some of these might be a little controversial

1. Annabeth didn’t have any trauma as a child compared to Percy she was only being dramatic.

Does being attacked by hundreds of spiders and waking up in webs every night sound pleasant to you? With nobody believing her because they would go away?

Whenever they say she didn’t suffer at home there are always some underlying tones of them thinking abuse isn’t abuse if it isn’t physical, and then translating that into Annabeth having a good childhood and making things up.

Why would she want to have a bad childhood is my question? And true it may seem like it wasn’t so bad since Percy even said it didn’t seem like it was as bad as she described it upon first meeting her parents, but I don’t even agree with Percy thinking that because why would he, of all people, not understand that people can hide behind nice faces? I honestly think that part was on Rick because he’s kind of gone back and forth with Annabeth’s home situation so it’s a little confusing.

But back to why would she want to have a bad childhood I think those people are the kind that compare trauma and thinkhaving more trauma=being better. But last time I checked, having a bad home situation/childhood isn’t really something people should want for themselves.

Annabeth may have not been physically abused but being accused of playing tricks to make webs appear on her skin instead of being comforted, being reprimanded for accidentally scaring her brothers even though she was the one being attacked, being blamed for attracting monsters even though she can’t control it, that doesn’t like like a happy time to me.

2. Annabeth is possessive of Percy too much she gets jealous way too easily.

Jealousy isn’t really a bad thing unless it is toxic, and I’ve seen no signs of Annabeth’s jealousy being toxic. Her haters, however, probably say otherwise.

The first time we see her get jealous is when Rachel shows up, and if I’m going to be completely honest why shouldn’t she be a little jealous? When she first sees Rachel it’s when Percy and her were supposed to go to the movies and she’s 14 years old so she’s going to act a little petty. Sorry, a traumatized 14 year old girl isn’t exactly going to handle her emotions like a mature adult. Annabeth has her little “was it hard?” moment and it was pretty obvious it was supposed to come off as funny and many people do think it was. If you didn’t think it was funny that’s fine and it’s also fine if you think it was wrong. But toxic? Really?

The next time we see her get jealous is when Percy comes back from Ogygia and she hugs him and storms off. Her best friends just died for two weeks but suddenly came back I think it’s understandable why she would be a little overwhelmed. Chiron says that she’s jealous because she knows where he was. She never really brings it up but she probably had some internal jealousy because why wouldn’t she be jealous when Percy could have chosen to live a peaceful life in Ogygia with Calypso, war-free. But he didn’t, and she didn’t bring it up(I think). Safe to say she was definitely not being toxic here.

The most prominent time she was jealous is when Percy says they need Rachel for the labyrinth and again, why wouldn’t she be jealous? It’s HER quest, and she was already insecure about Percy leaving her for Rachel so him telling her they need her for her quest is obviously going to make her mad. And she did act pettily towards Rachel and she did get ticked off very easily but let’s not forget where this all stems from.

Her entire life people have been abandoned her and left her for other people. Her dad, Thalia, Luke, and now she meets a mortal girl that has her best friend and crush’s attention which to her means she could potentially take Percy from her. Yeah, no shit she’s gonna be jealous. And it’s also a normal teenage emotion to be jealous of another person. So sorry, if a teenage girl doesn’t handle her emotions maturely.

Then, Percy reasonably spends his “last” summer away from camp and unfortunately for annabeth, with Rachel. This is not me saying Percy or Rachel did anything wrong but neither did Annabeth in being mad at him. It was mostly that she was just heartbroken because she was about to lose him, but he chose to spend his last moments being normal, something she could never be. She also spent most of her life being abandoned by someone so this was like it was happening all over again.

I’ve seen someone say she was jealous of Hazel and it was possessive because she automatically assumed Percy and her had something. Huh???? She thought of the possibility for 3 seconds and then was like, nah, she’s dating the other guy next to Percy. And it was a possibility because she saw Jason, who had lost his memories and didn’t know if he had someone waiting for him, get together with Piper so who’s to say it couldn’t have happened with Percy?

None of these seem toxic to me and it’s fine if you don’t like it for your relationship but clearly, Percy doesn’t think much about her jealousy afterwards once they got together. In fact, Percy gets jealous a lot too he’s just not as expressive about it.

3. She physically abused Percy.

This seems to be a popular one and people love to use it out of context. Annabeth and Percy both have sparring and fighting history together, so naturally they’re not going to be the gentlest of people with each other. They know how to punch, hit, and shove each other so that it doesn’t hurt since they train together. And while it is mostly annabeth that does it, Percy has never said it hurts or that he doesn’t like it. And last time I checked, he’s pretty good at calling people and gods out on their shit. If he had an issue with it he would say it.

An example of the abuse they are referring to is the judo flip. The context for this is that Percy went missing for months and Annabeth being overwhelmed, relieved, and just emotional decides to judo flip him upon reuniting with him. What a lot of people forget to mention is that right after, while he is being pinned down by Annabeth, he laughs. He laughs and they all move on. Judo flips, according to my research, are not supposed to hurt. They only hurt if they are done wrong. There is a chance my research is wrong so if anyone wants to correct me go ahead. But assuming it is right, the judo flip Annabeth did to Percy probably didn’t hurt nor was it meant to.

And Percy has experienced physical abuse before, and he hated the man that did it. He most likely would not get into a relationship with someone who does that. And he has called Annabeth out on things before, he had no trouble getting mad at her in botl, so if he seriously didn’t like it he would most likely say something.

Again, if you don’t want that in your relationship that’s great, YOU should set those boundaries with YOUR partner. But you can’t speak for a fictional character that clearly doesn’t have any issues with the way his partner treats him.

4. Annabeth makes jokes at the expense of Percy and makes him feel dumb.

There are some times when she does make jokes about Percy to his face, and he either laughs or doesn’t care. The books are from his pov, it’s not hard to see how it doesn’t bother him.

The nickname “Seaweed Brain” was her teasing him at first but it then became endearing for the both of them. This was the same for the nickname “Wise Girl”. Percy even likes the nickname and he has never said it makes him feel belittled or dumbed down.

I think where this stems from is people who think giving Annabeth credit is discrediting him. Someone mentions how she helped Percy with something and they will go on about how Percy isn't dumb and it's like we know he isn't dumb, no one said he is. Giving her credit isn’t taking credit away from him and many people need to hear that. Someone will mention how Annabeth will teach Percy something that he wouldn't have figured out on his own and oh my god people go feral. "Annabeth held up the sky" they translate that to Percy didn't do shit. Someone will say Annabeth is one of the smartest and they think that means they're saying Percy is stupid. Sorry that a girl being smart makes you insecure? Because that’s what I’m getting from that take. Percy is smart too but taking that away from Annabeth to give it to him isn’t exactly how that works. Life isn’t a competition, you don’t constantly have to be ranking people. There’s enough smartness for everyone. No one is taking anything away from Percy by admitting she is super smart or by giving her credit for stuff she did!!

You don’t hear people saying Annabeth can’t swim because Percy can control water, so why do people think people are saying Percy is dumb because Annabeth is incredibly smart? Annabeth knows she is smart, and she herself says Percy is smart TWICE, not that because she is smart that Percy is dumb. She is smart, and that takes nothing away from Percy and vice versa. They both think differently and do different things while in combat you just can’t compare those. Intelligence doesn’t just come in one form and admitting one is smart doesn’t make the other not smart. Say it with me, Annabeth is smart, Percy is smart, those things can both be true at the same time. Annabeth can be credited for things and that does not discredit Percy. For the people who say it makes Percy insecure that Annabeth shows her intelligence I promise you when Annabeth says something nerdy it doesn’t hurt Percy’s feelings.

It is true that Percy’s intelligence is overlooked, that is an issue. But you don’t have to bring someone else down to build him up okay there’s many great moments showing his intelligence use those instead. Also because if you have to bring someone else down to make your fav seem better you’re not doing your fav any favors it makes them look like someone needs to come down to their level and that’s not what’s happening with Percy. Don’t do him dirty like that he can be smart on his own you don’t have to mention Annabeth.

Sorry I kind of got off topic I just saw a chance to address an issue I’ve seen where people think giving Annabeth credit is taking away from Percy. This sometimes happens the other way around but it’s mostly the people who do this that hate her.

5. Annabeth defended Luke and it was inconsiderate of her since he tried to kill Percy.

She didn’t really defend him she just said there’s still good in him. And I mean this did make Percy mad. He was mad at her for even mentioning Luke because he was jealous, and because he didn’t understand how she could still think there’s good in him after all he did. And that’s valid. But that doesn’t mean it’s “a heartbreaking realization for a Percy that Annabeth chooses Luke over him” in the words of someone who used this argument, when she said there’s still good in him. Annabeth was betrayed by Luke too, and say what you want about her holding hope but it makes sense that she still sees good in him. I mean, that’s the guy who she views as a hero, who was a hero to her. And in the end her holding onto that hope is what broke Luke’s trance and he decided to stab himself. So if you found it annoying that she believed in him that makes sense, but don’t pretend you can’t understand why she did it.

6. Annabeth was a bitch to Rachel and is not a girls girl.

Honestly, was she nice to Rachel? No. Did Rachel deserve Annabeth’s comments? No. Is Annabeth valid? Yeah. I’m not justifying her behavior but I am justifying her reasoning because it is so obvious it went beyond jealousy.

Rachel not doing anything wrong and Annabeth being valid can co-exist. Seeing Annabeth’s perspective of this is so easy we just have to think about how the person she loves might pick someone normal over her since she can’t be normal. On his last summer too. This wasn’t just “jealous girl is mean to other girl” trope it was showing how deeply Annabeth cherishes Percy and how when she sees him picking someone else over her she is going to not be nice.

Should she have said those things to Rachel, um probably not. But she is a teenager also and it’s super normal for a teenager to get jealous and bratty when her crush and best friend spend time with a girl that also has a crush on him. It wasn’t Annabeth’s finest moment but it was entertaining and personally I thought it was funny. I swear a lot of people act as if she grabbed Rachel by her hair and smashed her against a wall but it was just some catty remarks. And a lot of people forget that Rachel and Annabeth are friends now, they like each other, they forgave each other.

And on her not being a girls girl? I think some people need to touch some grass because why should she have been a girls girl at that moment? Was she supposed to tell Rachel to go for it? I understand wanting her to just leave Rachel alone but after Rachel had to lead HER quest I’m not sure what they were expecting. She made up for it anyway when she saved Rachel from a helicopter despite still disliking her.

7. Annabeth got scared of Percy which made him feel like he deserved to die.

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this before but I guess I’ll go over it again. Her boyfriend did something scary, that probably reminded her of Luke since they both went too far, so she got scared. God forbid scary things scare her.

And secondly, did Percy ever tell Annabeth he was having those thoughts? No. Stop blaming her for everything this time she is actually 110% innocent.

8. She is powerless and therefore she is useless.

She doesn’t have any unnatural powers but being crazy smart sounds pretty useful to me. Bonus points because she’s good at many kinds of combat too.

If they think they don’t need her fine, but they did in fact need her so we’re never gonna know the other possibility.

Even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes.

This doesn’t mean the other demigods don’t have wisdom but like it’s Annabeth Chase wisdom is kind of her thing.

Anyways, I kind of got tired of writing this and I can’t think of anything else so I’m gonna end it here. I hope this doesn’t come off as hate to any other character, because it’s not, nor do I see how it could be but people will find a way so this is clarification. People can hate whatever character they want to hate but these reasons are not really much sense. And if they expect people to hate her for these reasons too even less sense. And people are allowed to hate her, but they love to talk about it so much it’s like an obsession.

And to those who told me to tag them I hope this wasn’t a waste of your time because I tried and it took me forever😅

@annabethmyfave

@illneverforget365

[bibibbon]

I think even the "its realistic!" excuse doesnt work on its own terms - cause yeah, for everyone of the 20 people to allways meet up isnt real life, but to atleast have one good friend from school, especially after going through live and die situations?

like Deku and Kachan were astranged childhood friends, who after all that made up, and also Kachan felt a lot of guilt about being a piece of shit and that Deku lost his quirk - it seems atleast those two should meet up, even do to guilt/pity Kachan now feels.

Or Ida, who is charachterised as cartoonishly proper and robotic - even he would probably see it as his duty to not abandon a friend and check on him every few months.

And Tsuy was charachterised as super caring, so after all the bonding and the fact Deku saved her from death at the start at the series, would make it seem that she would want to stay in contact - especially when she was shown to connect quickly to people.

Guess the one realistic one could be Ochako, if they did kinda try dating in highschool and it didnt work out, so it could feel awkard to then try to stay friends and all - yet then the fairytale reunion of 20 top heroes all saving some minor landslide again looks awkard.

And also its unrealistc that everyone besides Deku stayed in the hero life - especially when Jiro had the whole conflict of maybe wanting to do music instead, or the fact nobody moved overseas or did change their outfits enough to not be recognizable, etc

The real truth is that Hori feels depressed about his life and projected it, hence why the awkward happy ending that framed everything came at the last pages - a power fantasy.

It just shows how Hori, like Deku, didnt ever evolve his mindset, and stayed at the childish level of "I wanna be cool like spiderman!!" - cause if he didnt he would show Deku fulfilled as a teacher, giving the next gen the skills to actually change shit, and not see it as "setteling", with a sad expression of "alas, my dream of wearing goofy spandex suits and screaming attack names is dead😔"

The "it's realistic" excuse can work depending on the context. However, there's nothing normal or realistic about 1A and what happend in 430 (surrounding Izuku and 1A that is). It's incredibly understandable that not all 20 members of 1A were going to keep in contact and be incredibly close to eachother. Heck even in UA some 1A members weren't close to eachother and it's even stated by denki that he was never close to izuku in the vigilante arc but that he wanted to help him.

However, I have mentioned this multiple times (and you even brought it up) it's annoying that we don't see izuku hanging out with his close friends outside of hero costumes or UA uniforms. Them not doing so literally paints a picture that they aren't close at all and the whole theme of WE are heroes and power of friendship ends up failing due to this.

Look I know Iam not a huge bakugo fan but taking this into the perspective that bakugo got a satisfactory redemption arc him and izuku should keep in contact from time to time. Something that's bugged me is that after Izuku loses his quirk it seems like his interactions with bakugo are non existent, almost like izuku being a hero and having a quirk is all that their relationship is: a rivalry between who would be the best hero (kind of contradicting bakugo supposed development).

Or take for example shoto todoroki who izuku was close to but they don't seem to interact at all. Or asui. Or iida who very much helped izuku and truly cared for him. Heck tokoyami has also voiced his care for izuku multiple times and so has yuuga but we don't see any of them hang out outside of UA or heroics. Heck this chapter doesn't even give us a glimpse of maybe Izuku texting his friends in a group chat or anything. To me this all seems too bleak. What do you mean the kids who went through trauma together and had an entire theme of helping eachother and sticking together (a theme that carried the final act and fight) somehow not even hang out with eachother outside of heroics or school?

Lastly, I have no intention of making any comment about horis life unless it was stated by a credible source but it does seem like hori might of just got burnt out and he went too far with the story to give it a good ending (a well written one).

Alas, the ending was horrible.

[psychologeek]

Whumptober is coming soon!

Last year I started writing "Some of Them (want you)" (epilogue would be published this weekend!) and "Who am I? (to disappear)"

This year I take a note off @envysparkler 's book and decide to go on a little extras thing. writing little outtakes for my fics using the prompts.

These outtakes can include alternate povs, missing scenes, or scenes from the end notes, but the fill would only be one scene. Anyone is allowed to make a request, just send in an ask with the day/alt prompt and the fic you're requesting an outtake for!

You can include the specific scene you're thinking of if you'd like (I may or may not use this) and if I don't think a prompt fits, I'll let you know and you can choose another!

TLDR:

Send me an ask with the prompt + fic! Check the list below to see which prompts are already taken.

(fics can be from my AO3, for example "Lost&Found" series "Grave Promises", or from my Tumblr, like "Love and Protect" or "Wild Hearts" minifics.)

Prompts undercut:

Whumptober 2024 Prompt List

No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.” (Icysami x Renegaderr, Strangers.) No. 2: TRUST ISSUES Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.” (Charlotte Sands, Rollercoaster) No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you." No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You're still alive in my head.” (Billy Lockett, More) No. 5: SUNBURN Healing Salve | Heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far." (Lottery Winners, Burning House) No. 6: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood." No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them." No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight) No. 9: OBSESSION Broken Window | Bruises | “Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble.” (Fall Out Boy, Irresistible) No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight." No. 11: SEEING DOUBLE Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.” (Taylor Swift, Illicit Affairs) No. 12: STARVATION Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more." No. 13: TEAM AS A FAMILY Familial Curse | Multiple Whumpees | "Death will do us part." (Set It Off, Partner's In Crime) No. 14: LEFT FOR DEAD Hunting Gear | Blackmail | “Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted” (tiLLie, kooL aiD mAn) No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?" No. 16: NECROSIS Swamp | Wound Cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything." No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run." No. 18: REVENGE Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes) No. 19: BLOOD TRAIL Abandoned Cabin | One Way Out | "Is there anybody alive out there?" (Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere) No. 20: EMOTIONAL ANGST Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault." No. 21: BODY HORROR Body Horror | Tattoo Gun | Spirit Possession | “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.” (Apparat feat. Soap & Skin, Goodbye) No. 22: BLEEDING THROUGH BANDAGES Tourniquet | Reopening Wounds | "Oh that's not good." No. 23: FORCED CHOICE Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you." No. 24: RADIATION POISONING Collapsed Building | Equipment Failure | “I never knew daylight could be so violent.” (Florence + The Machine, No Light, No Light) No. 25: SURGERY Stitches | Being Monitored | "It's for your own good." No. 26: NIGHTMARES Breakfast Table | Parting Words of Regret | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” (Poe, Haunted) No. 27: VOICELESS Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.” No. 28: DENIAL CCTV | Exposure | "They caught me red handed." No. 29: FATIGUE Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?" No. 30: RECOVERY Hospital Bed | Holding Back Tears | "What have I done?" No. 31: ASKING FOR HELP Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well." (Elliot Lee, Alive, Not Well.) Alternatives List: 1. Body Swap 2. Communication Barrier 3. Finding Old Messages 4. Forgotten 5. Friendly Fire 6. Motion Sickness 7. No-Holds-Barred Beatdown 8. Regret 9. Secrets Revealed 10. Shivering 11. Survivor's Guilt 12. Time Loop 13. Used As Bait 14. Venom 15. Vermin

[ravenbloodshot]

Kim Woobin and Shin Min Ah Relationship Tarot Reading

I was curious about their relationship and why they aren't married yet. Ik they've been together for like a decade, and she held him down when he was fighting his battle with cancer, so I'm curious about what's going on with them.

Kim Woobin (Pov)

I don't know if this is a PR relationship, but he's kind of checked out. He really is more focused on himself and work, not giving vibes of a man who's worried about relationships (or at least not this relationship).

He likes having his own space, very independent. Doesn't like to be questioned or bothered, so he may distance himself away from his partner.

Yeah, this doesn't seem like a legit relationship. I'm evening recalling seeing a recent article about these two going on a date, and now, with the energy of this reading, I'm wondering if that was contrived.

He views her as someone who's more emotional and sensitive and thinks she's more invested in the relationship than he is.

I don't get a vibe that he cheats or has eyes for someone else, but that's bc he's not a relationship guy. I feel like he could be someone who lives his life alone and is very content with that. This relationship is convenient for him, but it's nothing he's stuck on. If she left him tomorrow, he would be just fine. Tbh, he wants her to initiate the break up. He doesn't want to be the one to do it.

Shin Min Ah (Pov)

She's someone who may have dealt with a lot of trauma and even possibly had a pretty bad childhood. I think she has some abandonment issues and a need to stick to what she knows/ is familiar with. I do feel like she blames herself for why the relationship hasn't progressed. May not have a healthy view of herself.

She's the more submissive one in the relationship. I don't think she thinks she has the final say in the matter of her marrying Woobin. (Someone's family is heavily involved in this relationship, giving off wealthy and powerful vibes. it is likely Woobin's family).

Sadly, Minah is VERY insecure. Has body image issues and may not find herself to be good enough for him. I get a vibe of her wanting to spice the relationship up by like buying lingerie and planning to surprise Woobin but completely talking herself out of it (kind of downing herself like "oh he wouldn't like seeing me in this anyway" or "I'll just look fat in this"). Her insecurities could be something that's fostered even more by Woobin's disinterest in her and everything romance related.

[theslvttysimp]

》MC's Addicted Parents LUCIFER 《

TW: Substance abuse, hoarding, abandonment, arguing, throwing items in anger.

Scenario: You are a MC who grew up with parents who abused substances. Though you've been on your own for a while now, the trauma you've dealt with in the past still follows. Here is how Lucifer would react.

Lucifer was making his rounds doing his weekly room check. He'll pop his head in everyone's rooms to ensure no one is hiding forbidden items and to make sure no one's room is a wreck.

Of course your room passes, you can't stand a messy room. A messy room brings back memories you don't ever want to remember. Lucifer gives you a smile after checking your room and leaves, only to cone back 15 minuets later.

" MC, while doing room check I have noticed how much a pig sty Satan's room is. You will be going to his room and help him clean it up. He shuts the door, leaving you to get ready to tend his brother.

You automatically start to panic. You didn't like going in Satan's room. It's such a mess to the point where you can't even see the floor. You rub your face in acts to calm yourself down, pushing your memories to the back of your head. You grab a few rags and a broom to help him clean and make your way to Satan's room.

Once arriving at Satan's room, you notice Satan and Lucifer arguing over the condition Satan has allowed his room to get. Books scattered all over the floor, dust piling up, cats toys covering his bed ( yeah, Lucifer found the cats and his pissed.). You feel your heart pounding, trying to drown out the yelling going on, and start cleaning.

The yelling of both Satan and Lucifer is making NOTHING better. Memories of your parents high on drugs arguing comes flooding back to you. You feel like you're 13 again, frantically cleaning your house as your parents argue in the background. Tears start to roll down your cheeks, but you push through.

It's only when the Avatar of Wrath gets so angry that he throws a book across the room is when you finally snap. You drop whatever books are in your hand and cover your ears. You scream on top of your lungs " STOP YELLING! STOP STOP STOP! I CANT TAKE IT!" Your scream is blood curdling, you fall to your knees holding your ears, yelling and sobbing " NO MORE NO MORE!"

Satan and Lucifer slam to the floor ( your pact following your command, telling them to stop.) They both fall letting out a big grunt. Satan is lashing around on the ground trying to get back up, blind with rage. Lucifer, laying on the floor with his head turned looks at you with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape. What happened? What has gotten into you?

You run out of Satan's pig sty, sprinting down the hall and go straight to your room. You slam the door shut and sit in the corner of your room. You're hugging your knees to your chest and sob. You feel like how you did years ago, stuck in your room. You used to sit in your room with your parents out of their mind on drugs arguing, hugging yourself for comfort in the quiet on your isolation. Voiceless and alone.

Half an hour later ( after Lucifer was able to stand up again), you hear a knock on your door. You reply with silence,but Lucifer comes in anyway.

Lucifer closes the door behind him and stands in front of you, assessing your condition. You keep your head on your knees, still silently crying to yourself.

He sits next to you on the floor with his back resting against the wall, leans the back of his head on the wall and looks straight ahead. " I assume you were displeased with the arguing beforehand. Is there something you want to speak about, dear?" His voice is so gentle. He remembers when viewing your records that you didn't have the best childhood.

You take a deep breath in and let out a long sigh. You try to calm your mind down and lift your head up, resting the back of your head against the wall. Lucifer takes this moment to take a glance at your face. Your cheeks are soaking wet from all the crying you've been doing. He grabs your hand and holds it, resting your held hand on his lap.

" When I was a kid, my parents were great. They used to play with me, take care of me, cook me meals all the time. They were so happy. Once I became a teenager..... they both started abusing substances. They stopped taking care of the house, they both lost their jobs, they stopped taking care of themselves..... and stopped taking care of me...." Your lip starts to quiver and your voice is shaky. " they would argue all the time.. I would try and keep the house clean, but I c-couldnt do it by m-myself." You start crying again.

Lucifer pulls you to an embrace, your bury your face in his chest and sob into his shirt. He rests his cheek on the top of your head and let's you cry it out. He doesn't care how loud you cry, how wet his shirt is, or how long you need to sit here. He wants you to let it out.

After a long time of crying, you finally calm down. He's rubbing your back up and down and whispers to you, " I am deeply sorry for invoking bad memories for you. That wax never my intention. I love you so very much, and I will never abandon you like your parents did. I am right here, I will always be right here."

You hug him tighter. The feeling of knowing you'll never be abandoned again brings you comfort. He kisses the top of your head and rests his cheek back on your head. You listen to his slow, loud heartbeat. From all the crying you did, you are oh so tired. The sound of his heart beating in your ear puts you to sleep in his arms.

Lucifer lets you sleep in his arms for a little while longer before picking you up and bringing you to his room. He lays you on his bed and tucks you in. He kisses your forehead and brings whatever paper he needs to do on the bedside. He begins doing paperwork next to you, ensuring that when you do eventually wake up, he'll be there to comfort you more.

He makes a silent promise to himself. He will never unintentionally make you feel thay way ever again, and he will never leave your side. He will never make you feel unwanted or abandoned, for you are stuck with him forever. It's his personal obligation to make sure you feel loved and appreciated for all eternity.

[lesbianjesuslovesyou]

LesbianJesusLovesYou's Guide to my (Currently Finished) Longfics

Are you bored and want to read something kind of long and already finished? Boy howdy, you're in luck.

If you're in the mood for an angsty modern AU Griddlehark Enemies-to-friends-to-lovers emotional slowburn, check out Like Ghosts in the Rain. (7 chapters/14k words; rated M)

If you're in the mood for a modern AU Griddlehark emotional rollercoaster full of psychological trauma, check out Dark Shadows and Sharp Edges. (7 chapters/14k words; rated E)

If you're in the mood for dark childhood vignettes featuring little Harrow and Gideon getting up to mischief and dealing with the aftermath on the Ninth, check out believing in everything (and knowing nothing at all). (10 chapters/22k words; rated T)

If you're in the mood for 90s nostalgia rural AU Griddlehark found family with a sprinkling of cults and abuse, check out Porch Swings and Sweet Dreams. (25 chapters/54k words; rated E)

If you like your longfics a little darker, you might enjoy this post-Nona Dead Dove smutty Kiriona and Harrow AU bursting with abuse, neglect, secrets, and eldritch horrors: A Dangerous Thing. (13 chapters/24k words; rated E)

And for the non-Griddleharks among us, you might enjoy this Cytheon Dead Dove torture-porn hostage brainwashing post-Canaan House AU: Golden Eyes; Old Lace. (4 chapters/17k words; rated E)

All of these fics are complete and posted; no waiting for updates! No risk of abandonment! Mind the tags, and have fun.

[kiwwia-wiwwia]

God Must Hate Me

A call to your mother goes horribly wrong. Luckily, Matt is there to help you pick up some of your broken pieces.

Listened to God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner and decided to project into my writing!

Matt murdock x reader, hurt/comfort, bisexual!reader Word count: 1.8k Warnings: swearing, religious trauma lol, self-loathing, implied CSA EDIT: I know Catholicism is a part of Christianity!!! This is just based on my parents and how they talked about other denominations :)

Your shoulders shook as you slid down the wall, silent sobs wracking your body. One hand was clutching your phone, the other clapped over your mouth, desperate to contain any noise that might slip out. Sinner, your mother had called you. Hedonist. Sodomite. Her words looped over and over in your mind, drowning out all other thoughts. 

You wouldn’t have called in the first place had it not been for your sister. She texted you the night before saying that she was back home caring for your elderly father who had caught the flu. She said that your mother wouldn’t stop talking about you, complaining that you never called, that she didn’t know anything about your life. You spent that night tossing and turning, contemplating whether it was worth getting back in contact with her. Your relationship with your mother had always been strained, considering the abuse you endured in your childhood, but you didn’t hate her. You couldn’t. You felt a sense of guilt in pushing her away, as if you were abandoning a debt you owed.

What pushed you over the edge was a text from your father this morning. 

Hi pumpkin. I miss your smile. I’m a little under the weather, and I’d love a visit from my girl. Hope all is well. Love, Dad.

Despite everything your mother had put both of you through, you and your father were always close. You had talked to Matt, sharing your dilemma. On one hand, you didn’t really want to speak to your mother. On the other hand, your father was getting old, and you didn’t know how many more visits you had with him. He had always been delicate, getting sick easily and hurting himself by accident. He was also the only person besides your sister who truly understood you until Matt, and you missed him.

“Give them a call,” Matt suggested. He looked so beautiful, his hair catching the sunlight from the window and his body draped over the armchair. His hand lazily grasped a mug, steam drifting up from the warm coffee. “If the call goes well, go over and visit. I’ll come with you, if you want.”

You chewed on your lip anxiously. “And… if it doesn’t go well?” Your fingers picked idly at the rug below you. You were seated on the floor, resting your head against his leg as you sipped your tea. This was your unofficial weekend tradition, the two of you seated in this position while you talked about… well, whatever you needed to talk about. Anything that didn’t get brought up during the week, a dream one of you had, a funny story you had from work. Mornings like this were sacred, the peace and domesticity somehow washing away any other worries. In these moments, nothing else existed except you and Matt, your own little corner of heaven.

He ran his hand through your hair, slowly and deliberately raking his fingers over your scalp until you sighed in contentment. “Then I’ll be here for that, too,” he hummed.

Now, you found yourself wishing you had never said anything in the first place. All you wanted was to talk to your parents, check up on them, maybe even test the waters of a possible visit. Instead, you were berated for your lifestyle, called a whore and a sinner and told you were destined for hell. 

“And how’s your love life? Have you finally found a nice man or are you still in your lesbian phase?” You bristled at the comment, knowing your mother never took your sexuality seriously. Your coming out had been a disaster and had resulted in you staying with a friend for two months because your mother couldn’t stand the sight of you. “I’m bisexual, mom, that’s not a phase. But… yeah, I met someone,” you admitted. Your mother scoffed on the other end of the line, which you pointedly chose to ignore. “His name is Matthew, he’s a lawyer here in Hell’s Kitchen.”

“Such an awful name for a city. Why do they call it that, anyways? It couldn’t have been heaven’s kitchen?” You kept quiet, doing your best to push off the inevitable argument as your mother plowed on. “It’s good that you’ve come to your senses and met a boy. Where does he work? Is he Christian? Does he want kids?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to keep the irritation out of your voice. “He runs his own firm, Nelson and Murdock, he’s actually over there right now to grab some paperwork. I don’t know if he wants kids, we haven’t really thought about it. I only just moved in with him, and no, he’s not Christian. He’s Catholic, goes to mass every week.” There was a long silence before your mother finally spoke again.

“You… you moved in? As in… you live together?” Her tone was as if you had just told her that you shoved someone off of a building. “Yeah, I was staying over so much that we figured it wasn’t worth spending money on an apartment I don’t live in.” You arched a brow at her sharp intake of breath. “Mom? You okay?”

“Honey,” she said, her words dripping with venom. “Are you having sex with this man? Before marriage?” You couldn’t help the choked laugh that escaped your throat. “Mom, it’s not the 1800’s anymore. People have sex and move in with each other, it isn’t a crazy concept. My sex life isn’t really any of your business, though.” She made a sound of indignation, her voice an octave higher than when she last spoke. “That is no way to talk to your mother! I can’t believe you would be such a sinner, after everything I worked so hard to teach you. This behavior is disgusting, you know that? Only whores engage in such hedonistic acts.”

You stiffened at her words, years of religious teachings and long hours spent in churches creeping into your mind. Memories of wooden switches and Sunday School songs wrapped their tendrils around your throat, threatening to choke you until you had to plead with God for mercy. You took a gulp of air, trying desperately to keep your voice steady as tears pricked your eyes. “Mom, I’m not going to let you make me feel bad for the way I live my life, especially regarding something as small as who I’m spending my nights with. I just called to see how you and dad are doing, but if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. I have other things to do anyway.” Her voice pierced through your phone’s speaker before you could hang up, your name spat from her lips like it was something profane. “All I ever did was try to raise a nice Christian girl, and this is what I get in return? A slut that sleeps with women and men before she’s even married? A sodomite? And he’s Catholic! You know catholicism isn’t biblical, how many times have I told you to stay away from non-Christians?” Tears were streaming down your face at this point, recollection of the confession of your treatment at the hands of the local pastor resulting in beatings. For some reason, you could only form a response to the last part of her rant. “After all of that, catholicism doesn’t seem as bad,” you said dryly.

“If we weren’t on the phone I’d smack you across the face for that. Don’t bother calling again. I’m not interested in hearing the lifestyle of a hellbound heathen.” The call ended with a dull beep, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You distantly registered the sound of the door opening, footsteps coming down the hallway and making their way to where you were outside of the bedroom. Matt knelt in front of you, his unseeing eyes wide with concern. Your name fell from his lips as he cupped your face in his hand, lightly tracing his thumb along your cheek. “What happened? Was it your mom?” All you could do was nod as another sob escaped you. Desperate for some kind of comfort, you reached out your arms in a silent request. He complied without hesitation, drawing you into his chest and letting out a sad hum as you gripped his shirt, clinging to any semblance of stability.

“What do you need, love?” he asked softly, his fingers gently running up and down your spine. “Do you want to talk about it?” You instinctively shook your head and then paused, reconsidering. “I don’t… I don’t know why she still affects me the way she does,” you croaked. “It’s like every time we talk, I’m a scared little kid again.” Your voice dropped to a whisper, shame making your words thick. “She called me a whore, Matt. Called me a heathen for moving in with you, said I was going to hell. There was more, some sexuality stuff and Catholic-shaming you, but that was the main point.”

Matt went rigid, his fingers abruptly stopping their soothing motions on your back. When he spoke, his voice was dangerously low. “She’s wrong, love. You know those are just lies, right?” You shrugged helplessly, keeping your eyes trained on the ground as you shifted your position, opening up the space between the two of you. “I’m not religious. Not anymore, not after everything I went through in the church.” You sighed tiredly, scrubbing your hand down your face. “But being raised the way I was… it sticks, y’know? That belief system is a part of who I am, whether I want it to be or not, and I can’t help but think… what if she’s right? I mean, I’m not exactly a saint. Usually I’m pretty good at rationalizing all this stuff, but man, God must hate me. I’m such a bad person, Matt.”

He physically flinched at that. “Don’t ever call yourself that,” he seethed. You jerked your head up to look at him, his anger taking you by surprise. His words were sharp, his tone dripping barely-concealed anger. “You are not a bad person for living your life.” You made a noise of protest but he quickly cut you off. “I don’t know what they drilled into your head to make you hate yourself so much, but none of it is true. You’re the most wonderful, kind, selfless person I’ve ever met, and God help anyone who makes you think anything different.” He pressed a kiss into your forehead and you managed a small smile. “I love you. So much,” he breathed.

“I love you too. Thanks for trying to undo my religious trauma even though you have enough of it for all of Hell’s Kitchen. Sorry for crying on your shirt.” He chuckled at that, helping you to your feet. “Nothing to apologize for, love. Now, let’s go to the store. We need to buy some eggs.”

You arched a brow. “We have eggs in the fridge. What are you up to, Murdock?” He smiled, a mischievous glint in his eye. “We have a house to egg, of course. Don’t tell me you’re above petty revenge?” 

You laughed, the tension in your body draining. God, you loved this man. “Of course not. I’m a good heathen, after all.”

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Five Little Ducks

Fandom: DC Comics, Batman

Summary: Bruce finds a magically de-aged Jason.

Chapters: 2/13

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Zatanna Zatara

Additional Tags: De-Aged Jason Todd, Magic, Babysitting, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, POV Third Person, Bruce Wayne is Not Okay, Bruce Wayne Tries, Jason Todd Has Issues, Childhood Trauma

Chapter Two: Velveteen Rabbit

Bruce took Jason to the manor after pretending to check Jason's long-abandoned apartment. Bruce drew Jason a bath and dressed him in pajamas before parting the sheets on his old bed. "Mr. Wayne?" Jason whispered as he grabbed Bruce's wrist.

"Yes, Jason?" Bruce asked.

"Will you read me a story?" Jason asked.

Bruce smiled and nodded. "I would love to read you a story... Can you wait five minutes while I get cleaned up, and I'll read you a whole book?" Bruce suggested. Jason nodded excitedly. It was just the two of them in the manor. Bruce missed having children at home. Everyone had grown up or moved on.

He showered, picked a book from the library, and returned to Jason's side. "Mr. Wayne, what's that book?" Jason asked.

"Velveteen Rabbit," Bruce whispered, "Do you still-. Do you like this one?" Bruce recalled finding a beaten-up copy in Jason's bag when he took him in. He recalled the way Jason mumbled an explanation with tears in his eyes. It was his favorite when his mother was alive.

Jason nodded and patted the mattress. Bruce sat next to Jason on the bed and opened the book. "There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning, he was really splendid," Bruce read aloud. Jason responded to the lilt in his voice by nustling in close under Bruce's arm. Bruce continued to read, turning the pages between occasional glances at his sweet awe-filled face.

Jason stopped him halfway through the story, nearly jumping with excitement. Bruce smiled at Jason, who tried his best to regain his composure. "Can I read this part?" Jason asked. "It's my favorite part."

Bruce chuckled and nodded. "Of course, you can read this next part," Bruce replied.

"What is real?" Jason questioned in a sweet tone.

Bruce continued reading, paying mind to the following lines. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real," Bruce used a playfully rough tone of voice for the horse, and it amused Jason. Jason showed no signs of fatigue as the story progressed. At one point, Jason even turned his face to Bruce's side to cry when the rabbit was thrown out. Finally, though, the story ended, and Jason's eyes fluttered. He kissed the top of Jason's head and sat still for a while, waiting for Jason to fall asleep. Once Jason was fast asleep, sucking his thumb with a hand draped over his forehead, Bruce whispered, "You made me real... And you don't even remember, do you?"

He left Jason to sleep and sat in the living room, watching old videos of Jason on his laptop. Bruce had almost forgotten how warm Jason's presence was. Jason always said being Robin gave him magic, but Jason enchanted everything he touched. The whole manor came alive because Jason was warm and bright and everything that made life good. Bruce shed a tear at the thought of what he'd lost.

He would've stayed up all night, yearning for a time long lost, had he not heard the pitter-patter of bare feet down the stairs. "Mr. Wayne?" Jason called. "Mr. Wayne?" He raised his voice out of fear. Bruce stood up and waved, allowing Jason to run to him. Bruce scooped him up and wiped the boy's tears away, bouncing him on his hip to soothe him.

"What's wrong?" Bruce questioned. Jason hid his face in Bruce's shoulder.

Bruce rubbed Jason's back as he bounced from side to side. "I had a bad dream... Will you come back and stay with me?" Jason questioned.

Bruce nodded. "I can do that. I can stay with you," Bruce replied. He took Jason back to bed and fell asleep at Jason's bedside. He awakened to sunlight blaring through the curtains while Jason sat on the floor with Bruce's phone.

"How'd you know my whole name?" Jason asked as he talked on Bruce's phone. "Duke? Are you Mr. Wayne's friend? Is that how you know my name too?"

"Jason," Bruce called him, "What are you doing?"

"Talking to your friend, Duke. He's going to come and play with me," Jason replied.

"How did you-. How did you answer the phone?" Bruce asked.

"I picked it up, and it answered. I don't know how," Jason innocently answered as Bruce took the phone. "Duke-. Duke, stop laughing."

"I'm sorry, but-. Jason's a baby. I've gotta see this," Duke chuckled, "Is he cute? I bet he's cute as a baby."

"He's not a baby... He's a big boy," Bruce mumbled, "And he's adorable."

Jason stood on his tiptoes and hung on Bruce's arm. "I am a big boy! I can pour my own cereal!" Jason exclaimed. Bruce smiled and picked Jason up, holding him on his hip.

"Wow!" Bruce smiled. "Let's go get you some cereal. What kind do you like?"

"Honey smacks," Jason replied.

Duke chuckled. "I'm five minutes away... Tell him to save me a bowl," Duke replied before hanging up. Bruce took Jason downstairs and started making coffee. Duke arrived shortly afterward and watched as Jason made three bowls of cereal.

"Are you Duke?" Jason asked. Duke nodded. "Are you gonna play with me today?"

"Duke is-."

"Free all day," Duke interrupted as he met eyes with Bruce. "He is adorable," Duke mouthed.

Jason ate his cereal with a smile on his face. Duke sat with Jason and glanced at Bruce. "What's so funny?" Jason asked.

"You look like someone we know... Just smaller," Duke replied. Jason's eyes widened. "He's a lot older than you."

Jason danced in his seat as he ate. "Mr. Wayne read me a bedtime story last night. I like how he reads," Jason announced. Duke ate his cereal while he listened to Jason talk about Bruce's bedtime routine.

"Wow, it sounds like he's done this before," Duke teased.

Bruce shot Duke a glance as a warning. "Can I watch Clifford after breakfast?" Jason asked. A grin spread across Bruce's face.

"Sure, you can... Duke, who is Clifford?" Bruce asked. Jason covered his mouth to stifle a laugh.

"The big red dog," Duke replied, "I'll put it on tv after breakfast."

"Mr. Wayne, it's okay that you don't know Clifford. I think you'll like him," Jason reassured Bruce, "Unless you don't like dog shows. My daddy doesn't like Clifford. Or maybe he doesn't like cartoons... Mommy likes cartoons. She always watches Clifford with me, except when she doesn't feel good."

Bruce frowned. "Mr. Wayne, don't be sad. My mommy says she's gonna get better once Daddy comes home. It'll be different this time because she promised," Jason reassured. Duke lost his appetite. Bruce tried to smile for Jason, but he felt a pit at the bottom of his stomach. These were Jason's thoughts as a child. This was Jason before life took everything from him.

[nutria--oscura]

The Oak family make me so mentally ill actually

Like, for starters, the generational trauma that cannot and will not be shaken off:

The very obvious first point is The Doodler. 'The Curse of The Doodler' passed down from generation to generation. Even after Lark and Sparrow release it, the curse still haunts them as the apocalypse they have to bear the blame for. Now Dood is walking amongst them, as a teen protected by the teens, and all Lark and Sparrow can do is look him in the eye (not even really). Lark wants to end this generational trauma by killing Dood but Normal wants to do it but helping it (parallel to what we see happen in s2 ep23 when they sit on the Throne).

The next obvious ones are the veganism (has been an Oaks thing since Hildy's grandmother, if not great-grandmother).

and the 'shoes on' household. Something Henry started due to always being barefoot in Oakvale cause of Barry's Rules. Something that is still instilled with Normal and Hero.

All of the Oaks have a dislike towards their kids/parents. Hildy hated Barry cause he abused her for so long and in the final years of her life he abandoned her in Oakvale and left her to die. Barry and Henry fought constantly, Barry creating more Oakvalians cause Henry would never have been good enough for him. Henry and Lark straight up just do not get along, especially after Henry took the Gauntlets of Ogre Power (which in Lark's eyes caused Walter to get injured and almost caused Sparrow to die), ESPECIALLY after Henry pulled to rogue card. Henry and Sparrow don't talk anymore which is something I will get into later on. Lark and Sparrow weren't even Henry's favourite kids, it was his pet bird Beanie. Honestly, I'm kind of scared to see what Henry and Birdie's relationship is like. Then we have Sparrow and Normal. Sparrow is open about being not being proud of Normal and wishing he was more 'normal'. Finally we have Sparrow and Hero. Sparrow probably isn't that proud or happy with Hero either since she just noped out of being the chosen one. (check out this post)

Another kinda obvious one, the (very strong) family resemblance. They all look so alike, so similar, of course they're going to be the least likely to change and break tradition. (post)

SPARROW AND HENRY NO LONGER TALKING - so many implications. Like, is it because of the shit Lark and Sparrow pulled with Hero? Cause he married a centrist (/j)? Was it because Sparrow (potentially) used the memory syringes on Rebecca to keep their marriage in tact(more in a bit)? Some other reason which we will later find out? Is it why Sparrow can no longer turn into a Love Wolf? Or the final straw as to why he can't?

SPARROW, REBECCA AND THE SYRINGES - So. In s2 ep18 when Normal asks Sparrow if Rebecca knew about all the Doodler stuff, Sparrow says "Your mom doesn't know… about what's going on." ... "that's kind of how we… stayed married." Later, we get to know, from Hero, that Rebecca did in fact know what was happening - that she was involved in what happened to Hero when she was younger, "mom and dad, just sort of looked at me as like, the golden child. They weren't like with me, they were like demanding things of me." So potentially, Lark and/or Sparrow used the syringes on Rebecca cause she threatened their marriage over what happen with Hero. (POST)

Speaking of Hero's childhood - Other than what happened very obviously traumatising her, "they showed me a glimpse of the Doodler for a second and I cried for 3 weeks straight," it also very heavily strained her relationship with Normal: "I feel like things have been choppy between us for a while" ... "It felt like I shouldn't befriend you, cause I knew at some point I'd have to like, sacrifice myself heroically and I didn't want to make you lose me in that way, so I felt like 'I should just keep him at arms length.' " It is suck a stark contrast and parallel to the (toxically) codependent relationship Lark and Sparrow have

HENRY - The fact that Henry is the last of the dads that is alive is so depressing and so expected. He has elf blood and is a high level druid, of course he's still alive. He is (most probably - we don't know the situation with Mercedes and Birdie) alone, all of his closest friends are dead, his sons don't talk to him and because of that he probably hasn't seen his grandchildren in ages either. If something happened to Mercedes and Birdie and Henry is truly alone, there are parallels with Hildy's final years (this post and the tags)

[wholesome-cryptid]

I would absolutely love to read that if you posted it ^^

OKAY BIG GRIMSLEY HEADCANON POST

IM NORMAL ABOUT GRIMSLEY I SWEAR I SWEAR

-Okay so a lot of this directly ties to my boyfriend @plushegutzz's oc Blaine and their lore so be prepared to see their name a lot. Also I'm not gonna include Bug in this because as much as I love her she's mostly just a silly little fankid i have for fun domestic fluff stuff so she doesn't really have a concrete timeline. Anyway i'll try my best to go through this chronologically.-

TWs for: gambling and gambling addiction, trauma, vague references to childhood abuse, Grimsley just generally being severely mentally ill

Grimsley Gore (birth name Gabriel Gore) was born into a wealthy Unovian family alongside his twin brother Garry. Being born into a rich family the two brothers had a lot of really strong expectations placed onto them from a very young age, with the two basically expected to be perfect all the time. Because of this stress growing up the two brothers developed a very strong bond as they really only felt like they had each other.

The mother of the Gore household was a very controlling and manipulative figure putting a lot of pressure onto the twins to be perfectly behaved golden children. Their father meanwhile was very emotionally distant towards his family and the rare times he did interact with his two sons he was generally pretty abusive. Growing up Grimsley/Gabriel tries his best to keep the uglier side of his home life away from public eyes, instead bragging to his friends about how cool and spoiled he is instead.

Grimsley's first pokémon was his Liepard (nicknamed Violet) who he met at around 8 years old, he spotted a wild Purrlion with an injured foot wandering his family's estate and immediately dropped everything to go check on the kitty. He got in a lot of trouble with his mother for doing so as his outfit ended up covered in dirt during his rescue of the pokémon but he was mostly just excited over having a pokemon of his own. He ended up nursing Violet back to help and it caused the two to develop a very close bond. Even as an adult Grimsley is super attached to his Liepard and basically treats her like his baby.

It's shortly after catching Violet that Grimsley meets Blaine A. Platinum the child of another wealthy Unova family with the twos parents pairing the two together in hopes of them getting married in adulthood. Both children absolutely hate this idea and don't initially get along with each other, but after a while of being forced to spend time together they start to realize that they're stuck in similar situations of shitty home lives and form a friendship over their shared struggle.

During his teen years Grimsley views his life as “going pretty good” in his eyes, he's still dealing with an actively abusive home life but he's kind of repressing all of his emotions about that. Instead he's clinging onto the bonds he formed with Blaine and his brother Garry. His dynamic with his brother is very “we've only got eachother” meanwhile he and Blaine are in this mess of “kinda dating but also kinda not dating we're 16 years old and it's complicated.” and both relationships are kinda overly dependent on Grimsley's end. Overall during this point of his life Grimsley just kinda acts like a spoiled brat rich kid who's better than everybody else because it's easier for him to accept than look inwards and try and process the trauma he very clearly is struggling with. (Grimsley spends a large chunk of his life running away from his trauma.)

Grimsley putting all his emotional stability on two people unsurprisingly ends up shooting him in the foot as his life kinda ends up falling apart at 19 years old. It starts with Blaine, They've personally had enough of the stress of their home life and now that they're an adult they're planning to run away and had been hoping that Grimsley would join them. Unfortunately Grimsley can't bring himself to abandon the only life he's ever known, a part of him knows deep down that he's not happy in his current situation but he can't bring himself to admit that. His life with his rich family being the only sense of stability he knows and he turns Blaine down. This turns into a huge fight between the two with Blaine basically accusing him of choosing his spoiled rich kid life over them and storms off.

Unsurprisingly, Grimsley takes Blaine leaving very badly with his emotions about the situation eventually starting to turn bitter with him viewing it as though Blaine abandoned him.

Things only get worse for poor Grims as not too long after he loses his brother too. Unlike Grimsley, Garry has been processing his emotions about their home life and also has decided he doesn't want to put up with it anymore. He informs Grimsley that he's intending to move away to Paldea to be with his fiancé, and much like Blaine offers his brother resources to get out himself but Grimsley isn't in the headspace to hear it and denies all of it feeling like his brother is abandoning him too.

Needless to say, Grimsley is in a pretty bad headspace at this point due to losing the two people he put all of his emotional stability into. (Even if it was a large part his own fault and refusal to process his emotional issues that caused him to lose them.) And things only get worse when his family falls into debt.

Grimsley's father was a gambler, it was a well known fact even if everyone in the family pretended it wasn't, and the kinds of casinos he was associating himself with weren't exactly the most legal ones. His father found himself owing quite a lot of money to Team Rocket causing the family to go bankrupt.

This all just sent Grimsley into a mental spiral with him basically having a full on episode. Not being able to let go of the spoiled rich life he was living because it was his only sense of stability was the reason he had lost his connections with Blaine and Garry in the first place and now he didn't even have that. Gambling was the reason he had lost everything, and in his state of mental instability he rationalized that gambling would be the thing to get his life back. It was during this episode that he decided to abandon his birth name is Gabriel and start going by Grimsley feeling as though he needed to abandon the “pathetic” person he used to be and reinvent himself.

Thrusting himself into casinos run by Team Rocket didn't exactly go well for Grimsley, with him getting roughed up for lacking proper funds on more than one occasion. But it was enough to get Grimsley addicted to the thrill of gambling. The rush of adrenaline it gave him distracted him from all the bad things going around in his he was already trying so hard to repress, it was something to make him feel ALIVE in his depressive state.

Still though hanging around these shady casinos and just getting pushed deeper into debt wasn't doing much good for him, and the only reason he was able to escape falling deeper into the organization was him meeting Nanu. Nanu was still working for the international police at this point and had been working undercover on a job related to Team Rocket and pretty quickly noticed that Grimsley was out of place. He gave him an out noticing that he actually had some really impressive pokémon battling skills and put him down the route of becoming a professional dark type pokémon trainer.

It didn't take Grimsley too long to rise up as an up and coming pokémon trainer and he definitely loved the attention and success that came with being a big name trainer. Eventually he ended up grabbing the attention of the champion of the region Alder, who saw potential in him to be successful as an Elite Four trainer and wanted to train him for the job.

His dynamic with Alder was, complicated, with Alder being a very mentorly almost father-like figure which made Grimsley and his repressed daddy issues panic. This only being furthered by Grimsley being close in age to Alder’s actual children and Alder being very aware of the fact that Grimsley was a very troubled young man who needed guidance. Grimsley did still accept the offer of the Elite Four job from Alder and did let him help out when it came to improving his pokémon battling, he did end up telling Alder to “watch it old timer” more than a couple times when it came to his personal life.

Despite his current success Grimsley still kept his gambling habits from before though and the thrill seeking that came from it although he was spending his time at more legal casinos this time. It was spending his time going out gambling that he found himself bumping into Blaine of all people again.

The two reuniting was fully by chance, Blaine finding a very hungover Grimsley passed out next to a casino with his Liepard Violet protectively coiled around him. Blaine was still fairly upset about their fight from a couple years ago at this point but could also tell that Grimsley wasn't exactly in a great state at the moment and decided to make sure he got home safe because a part of them still cared a lot for him. The two ended up catching up and while things were still very awkward between the two they decided to try and be friends to some degree again.

It was through Blaine that Grimsley ended up befriending Burgh as well, with Blaine having befriended the man through their shared passion for art. Grimsley being deathly afraid of bugs from a very young age wasn't the biggest fan of Burgh’s choice in type speciality he thought the man was fun to hang around with and so he had no choice but to put up with it, especially since Burgh was determined to help Grimsley get over his fears.

Burgh found Grimsley rather endearing in general, in fact he found himself kind of crushing on the man. Blaine, rather heavily protested this crush, pointing out that Grimsley was rather obviously very emotionally unavailable. But Burgh couldn't really help it, he could tell that underneath all the facade he put on all the time he had a softer side underneath it all and he just needed help getting it all out.

For once in his life Grimsley found himself genuinely doing pretty good, he was successful in his job in the Elite Four, he had friends in his life that genuinely cared about him, he was even starting to reconnect with his brother and get to know his nephew Giacomo (the young Giacomo really looking up to his uncle.) Unfortunately for Grimsley having people that genuinely loved and cared about him in his adulthood meant that he couldn't keep getting away with an unchecked gambling addiction and repressing all his negative emotions and pretending they didn't exist anymore. He had people that wanted him to get better and he basically got dragged kicking and screaming into therapy and working through his issues by Blaine, Garry, Alder and Burgh.

Grimsley hated working through his big pile of traumas and mental issues at first, it made him feel vulnerable and exposed and he didn't like that. But slowly over time he started to make progress and allow himself to be emotionally open with other people and starts dating Burgh during this time with the man encouraging him to be more open to being his genuine self. He also is a bit more willing to accept Alder as a father figure at this point. (Also diversity win! Grimsley realizes he's nonbinary at this point! yay! This is why you'll occasionally see me talk about headcanoning Grimsley as Bigender and using He/She/Any pronouns.) He even starts allowing people to call him Gabriel again on rare occasions, although this permission is really only given to Burgh, Blaine and Garry it's a huge sign of progress for him.

He eventually fully talks his emotions out with Blaine as hard as that is for him to do, and the two of them finally get over the fight they had all those years ago and start dating as well because I think Grimsley deserves two partners actually.

Aloan Grimsley is him taking a much needed mental health vacation after everything he's been through and allowing himself some rest and relaxation. Besides what's better than surfing on a Sharpedo in order to cope with your repressed emotional issues? He chose to hang out in Alola due to his previous connection with Nanu.

My version of Grimsley is just generally very special to me and is something that is very very dear to me so hopefully y'all enjoyed this big wall of text as well haha! i do have some vague additional headcanons but those aren't as heavily fleshed out and i wanted to just include the fully concrete stuff!!!