#like. sometimes i just want the kids to be sappy and happy.

[sohnric]

a brief inquiry into online relationships – k. sunwoo

pairing: kim sunwoo x fem! reader

genre: enemies to lovers au, internet best friends au. friends to lovers au. gamer! sunwoo and gamer! reader. fluff, comedy. sunwoo has a big fat crush and is a bitchless loser but is also simultaneously being very annoying and mean sometimes:(

wc: 20k

warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos/jokes/flirting, the reader is referred to with she/her pronouns and called a girl! i call league players virgins :/ (and im right). certain parts are really chat heavy (but what do you expect from an internet best friend au am i right). the reader is said to have dyed hair! I wrote this with a friend in mind yall just get to read it 😔

there's only one person kim sunwoo treasures the most in the whole world, and that person is his internet best friend. there's also only one person kim sunwoo hates with a burning passion, and that person is you. well, imagine his surprise when he finds out... they are the same person.

playlist: fruit roll ups - waterparks / royalty - enhypen

I wrote and dedicate this fic to @csenke 🩷 happy birthday best friend, I hope you like your little present. I dont like being sappy in public, but do know that I love u the absolute most.

a/n: a HUGE thank you to @from-izzy for beta reading and helping me out with this fic so much, listening to me ramble and cry and hyping me up izzy, it means a LOT. thank you @sanaxo-o for beta reading a bit as well. 🫶🏻 ive wanred to write this fic for literally years so im glad it is finally out hihi.

The first time Kim Sunwoo has ever been accused of having a crush on a girl he hasn’t even met in real life yet was on October 11th, 2023. It was a few months after meeting the said girl online through a Minecraft server and talking to her during the night over a Discord call, not being able to fall asleep after and coming to class looking like a zombie from the deprivation of relaxation. After he said the story to his friend Changmin, he got laughed at and teased– all because he said he didn’t want to hang up on his online best friend yet, and she was so full of energy, and Sunwoo wanted to know what she had to say because she was so adorable gushing over how much she loved Paw Patrol as a kid and how she got some magnets for her fridge from her local grocery store and put Skye right in the middle, where she keeps her shopping list. 

Of course, Sunwoo refused this accusation. He does not have a crush on his online best friend– the girl he hasn’t even met in real life yet. He doesn’t like her, because let’s be real, he doesn’t even know what she looks like. Navigating the boundaries of an online friendship was already hard as it was for the boy– was he oversharing? Was he being too much, too annoying at times? – so asking for the girl’s socials outside of Discord or begging for a simple selfie in the chat is far away from the things he’s comfortable saying out loud to her. 

And Sunwoo can’t be into her– because he doesn’t even know her that well. He doesn’t even know where she lives or if the name she’s given him online is her legal name. What he does know, though, is that she’s the same age as him, she’s funny and pretty fucking cool, she has obscure interests like the Spiderman movies or collecting albums of her favorite kpop artists, and her voice is nice over the speakers of his laptop when the two of them call and play Minecraft together in the late hours of the night.

That’s not enough to develop a crush on someone, right?

Right…?

The first time Kim Sunwoo starts to question his own feelings for his friend is also, coincidentally, October 11th 2023. See, he might say that he’s not as dull as one would think after looking at him, but after the conversation he had with his best friend in the morning, something started to click. (Mainly because he just couldn’t stop feeling the blush creeping onto his cheeks, bashfulness filling his composure. Why is it so hard to deny the obvious?)

In the late hours of the night, Sunwoo logs onto the Minecraft server and walks around the world he’s created. He is on a mission of cheering his online friend up– she said something about an exam going terribly wrong in his Discord DM’s just a few hours ago, and although he tried his best to cheer the girl up over messages, he thinks he has to go an extra mile to remind her that life is not as rude and that she’s loved even when she feel like a disappointment. (Just the sentiment of the wording in his head is suggesting that he’s trying to stay oblivious to his own feelings– there is no doubt he is failing, though.)

He checks the people online in the server, noticing she’s not there yet– as he expected, since the girl usually logs on only a few minutes before midnight– which assures him that there is still time to execute his little plan. With a pep to his step, Sunwoo’s character moves through the terribly half-assed house he’s built (that his friend teases him for) and opens  one of the chests in his underground storage area. After taking everything he prepared earlier– for whatever reason, he’s not sure (or just trying to deny the obvious, once again)– he skips outside of the wooden building and runs towards the portal he built leading to her house last week. 

Once she saw the portal outside of her house, she asked him about it. To the question of why he wants easy access to her house at all times, he replied that it’s so he can rob her when she least expects it. Her and him both know she’s not the one keen on mining, so there’s not really much to steal in the first place, but to Sunwoo’s surprise (and relief), his friend dropped the topic quickly, moving on to the next one.

After the vision of his character finally clears and he is left standing right outside of her house– which is a stunning piece of architecture, by the way– he looks around for a bit to find the best place for his little offering.

He settles on the place by the front door of her house and gets to executing his little surprise. Opening the inventory of his character, Sunwoo takes out a bone meal and uses it on the grass blocks next to the door, making all sorts of flowers grow next to her humble abode. When he’s satisfied with the colored petals blooming in their digital world, the boy gets out the pink wool and digs into the remaining dirt blocks on the ground, replacing them with the rosy cubes and shaping them into a small, but telling heart. 

He stands back and admires his work for a bit, laughing at the ridiculous actions he caught himself doing. Sometimes he gains self-awareness in the weirdest of situations, and this is surely one of them– he prays his friend doesn’t log on in this exact moment. He would have no other choice but to jump out of his window and kill himself, he thinks.

Still, he follows up with his initial idea and places a chest next to the heart, filled with emerald and diamonds that he gathered over the last week. He worked hard on them and she kept whining that she still didn't have any– and although he’d like to keep them, he figures he can just get more the next time he’s alone in here, mining. 

A cherry on top is placed next to all of this– a wooden sign that he types “What if we put our Minecraft beds next to each other? xx” on, against all his thoughts telling him otherwise. 

This might be a terrible, terrible idea, he thinks. But the thought of making his best friend smile fuels the boy. Taking one last look at his masterpiece, he snickers. Yeah, Sunwoo. Maybe there really is no getting out of those allegations. Maybe he won’t tell about what he did to Changmin– and he’s lucky the boy doesn’t play Minecraft and has no way of finding out by playing on the same server as the two of you.

Sunwoo logs out of the game, sitting back in his chair. After scrolling through his Instagram for a bit, he hears the familiar sound of an incoming Discord call waking him up from the doom, making him breathlessly accept and wait for the girl’s voice to come out of his headphones, making him feel excited and on the tips of his toes.

“Ya, Steve, was it you who made that cute altar in front of my house?” she asks, making his heart skip a beat.

“Depends,” he hums, “did you like it?”

Every Tuesday afternoon, 6 o’clock sharp, Kim Sunwoo takes the role of the head of the Video Gaming club at his university. It’s quite an easy job, he’d say– since all his responsibilities lay in meeting up with the members of the club in an internet café once a week, playing a video game of their liking– and he also appreciates the fact that he has something to put onto his CV. The extra points towards graduation are also good, and so in reality, he has nothing to complain about– he likes video games and he also likes socializing.

There is just one thing he hates about the Video Gaming club, and that is the fact that Y/N Y/L/N, his best friend’s ex-girlfriend, managed to somehow infiltrate herself into the circle.

Now, you and Ji Changmin dated in the early stages of high school. The two of you met in Science class, and although Changmin wasn’t the smartest when it came to Chemistry, he still managed to make himself your designated helper in all experiments, just to make himself close to you. That slowly worked and the two of you started dating– for 2 months, that is– before you realized Sunwoo’s poor best friend wasn’t who you were looking for and you broke up with him, starting a new relationship with Park Sunghoon, the handsome ice skater from the private school downtown just 2 weeks later.

Changmin cried for three days straight and then one more day after he found out he was replaced, and since then, Kim Sunwoo has decided that he hates your guts– because no one makes his best friend sad. 

Every Tuesday afternoon, 6 o’clock sharp, you waltz into the internet café with your friend Aeri clinging to your side, both of you laughing about whatever you found amusing that day. The sound of your laughter is insufferable to Sunwoo’s ears and the sight of your dyed hair makes his stomach churn with acid– everything about you angers the boy, makes him all alert of your presence. For some reason, he can’t control his anger around you– everything you do infuriates him, makes him wish you were anywhere but in the same room as him.

Can’t you read the room? Do you not realize you’re not welcome here? This is Sunwoo’s territory, and for some reason, he thinks you should respect it. You haven’t spoken to each other in over 4 years, but that doesn’t mean he forgot about everything. Maybe you just keep showing up because you know he hates your guts– you do it out of spite.

Kim Sunwoo won’t have that, though. If there’s something about him that he makes perfectly known in the Video Gaming club, it’s that he is awfully competitive– and for once, he tries to use this quality of his for something good: getting you out of the club.

Because he might be the head of the club, sure, but that still doesn’t give him the permission to kick you out of it for no apparent reason. 

He figures making your life a living hell for the entire hour or two you’re in his presence every week would surely be sufficient enough. Surely, one day, you must have enough.

“There’s someone behind you, dude, watch out–” Intak calls from next to Sunwoo, helping his teammate out. 

Today’s game of choice is CS:GO– too bad for you, Kim Sunwoo is exceptional at shooting games.

He watches his screen and moves his mouse swiftly, shooting the opponent– he thinks it might’ve been Jaehyun or Chan– before they even have a chance at spotting him. His team– Terrorists– are winning by a mile, coincidentally having the best of the best in the group. He’s playing a perfect 5v5 game alongside Intak, Haechan, Yeji and…. and you. 

“Do you even have your screen on, Y/N?” he grunts from behind his computer, glaring at the screen. He notices you not really killing any opponents, and even though he understands that not everyone is going to be the best at every video game that gets played over the course of semester, he’s making sure to trash talk you each and every time you’re even an inch away from perfect.

“Fuck off, I’m trying.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” he snickers, pointing his gaze towards you only for a split second to watch you roll your eyes at his comment. An annoyed sigh escapes  your throat, making the boy’s veins reek with satisfaction.

“We’re winning anyway, so I don’t get why you’re so pressed about it,” you grunt, tucking your hair behind your ear as you play, momentarily taking your hand off the mouse.

Sunwoo notices your character in his point of view on the monitor– the nickname ‘ceo.Y/N’ shining proudly over the default skin of the terrorist figurine– when a bright, spiteful idea sparks up in his brain. The boy realizes he left the friendly fire option on when assembling the game room, and with that, he’s set on his decision.

You don’t deserve anything nice in Kim Sunwoo’s eyes– which is why he shoots you in the head the first moment he sees you, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” he comments as he watches your character drop to the ground.

“What the fuck?! Yo, why did you do that?” you gasp, snapping your head around to point your daggers of eyes onto the boy, frustration dripping off your face. It does nothing to ruin the mood of the satisfied boy, only making him shrug and offer you his brightest smirk.

“You weren’t contributing anything to the game anyway,” he shrugs, “might as well sit this one out, Y/L/N.”

Yes. This one surely will teach you a lesson.

When Kim Sunwoo reaches his room after his shower– at 1 in the morning sharp and feeling too awake for the late hour, since all the hot water ran out due to his roommate’s greediness (curse Eric Sohn’s long ass showers)– he notices a notification shining on his phone in bright light, making him reach for his phone with curiosity. He doesn’t have many friends that would reach out to him at the late hours of the evening, since he talks to most of them during the day anyway, and so even subconsciously, as he reaches for his phone, he expects to see his online best friend’s username pop up in the notification bar.

And he was right– clicking on the Discord notification waiting for him at the top of the screen, he already feels his heart skipping a beat, his insides flowing with immediate warmth despite the cold shower he took just a few minutes ago.

Further shaking out the water out of his hair before plopping onto his bed and reading through the girl’s messages, the boy finds himself smiling at her profile picture. It’s a close up of her Minecraft character standing in front of the little display he put out for her– and he can’t help but feel like this is some sort of a soft launch. Of what, he doesn’t really know�� since the two of them are far from dating– but that’s okay. It satisfies him enough. Nobody even really knows it’s him who she’s showing off, but to him, it holds the weight of the whole entire world.

sunpoodle [0:22] – a missed voice call sunpoodle [0:35] – a missed voice call sunpoodle [0:36] – so u dont like me anymore sunpoodle [0:38] – i see how it is sunpoodle [0:48] – everything ok tho? sunpoodle [0:54] – a missed voice call

Squinting at the screen, Sunwoo starts to type out his reply to his friend. Before he has the chance to click send, though, his phone lights up with the incoming voice call from her, leaving him to accept it almost immediately. He hears her voice coming out of his speaker after a few seconds of silence, having his ears perk up and heart beat a little faster.

“Damn, took you long enough,” she hums, making the poor boy chuckle. “I thought you were either dead or ignoring me.”

“I wasn’t,” he replies before settling deeper into his bed, going as far as putting a blanket over him to provide himself the most comfort, “I would never ignore you,” he lets himself speak out, a full body cringe taking over him the second he realizes just how far gone and infatuated he must sound with his friend.

“Oh, okay,” she says, “I was getting kinda worried, though.”

“Worried?”

“Yeah, we didn’t speak at all the whole day,” she replies. And she’s right– Sunwoo was too busy the whole day to text her or check in with her throughout the day. He was working on his assignments with Changmin and Juyeon in the library, and then he had to listen to Eric talk about his crush on the new girl from the café he works at. Before he knew it, it was late in the night and all he wanted to do was shower and go to sleep– his plan was thrown into the bin the moment he got back into his room, though. 

He might have not put his online friend as his priority during the day but if it comes to sacrificing sleep for her, he won’t even think twice.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, although something inside of him cheers at the fact that she cares about him enough to want his presence every day.“I was just busy with assignments and socializing.”

“You do that?”

“Strange, isn’t it?” he chuckles, poking fun at himself. There’s no doubt of him being an extrovert, but for the sake of hearing the girl laugh through his speaker– his insides squeezing on themselves with violent tenderness at the sound (what a contradiction)– he is content with simply ignoring the fact.

“What’s up, though?” he asks. “You usually don’t call and I have to pressure you into picking up in some way.”

“That’s not true.”

“Kind of is, when you think about it–”

“I just like to be persuaded,” she hums, making the boy chuckle. 

“Noted,” he says– and it might’ve been just a figure of speech, really, but there is a secret folder inside of his brain that he calls the girl-he-likes-folder, where he keeps all the information and random facts he learns about his friend safely, until he has a chance to use them. “But really, what is it? You seem uneasy,” he notes, making the girl laugh softly on the other end of the line.

There is some shuffling on the other side before he finally hears her voice again. Sunwoo furrows his brows at the ruckus, but he doesn’t mention it– maybe she’s just moving around the room, doing her own things as she talks to him on the phone. It makes his brain wander, though– imagining her cleaning her room, putting things away. Stacking some old papers or throwing stuff into the trash can. The image of his friend is always hazy in his mind– he was never really the most imaginative when it came to stuff he doesn’t know– but he still feels attracted to the girl in ways he can’t explain without sounding absolutely crazy to an outsider’s ear. He has no clear idea of her features– he doesn’t know how long her hair is, what her figure looks like, or what color her eyes are, but he still knows that to him, she’s absolutely beautiful and no reality he could see would break this image he has of her.

The fact that she’s calling him while going on with her life, as if he is an active, real part of it, makes him smile to himself. Every time the girl acknowledges her friendship with him, he feels like he’s on Cloud 9– he doesn’t really know why he needs that validation, though.

“This might sound stupid, but I just wanted to hear your voice,” she says nonchalantly through the speakers of his phone, and with that, Sunwoo is a goner. He feels the world stop turning for a while, his breath hitching in his throat. Something about the girl’s words makes his head spin and thoughts run laps around the walls of his skull– is it just him, or does that sentence sound strangely intimate?

“Why?” he asks on autopilot– because the annoying voice inside of him needs answers. 

“Hm? Oh, I dunno,” she quickly utters out before she makes a sharp turn in the conversation, completely disregarding her previous statement, “did I tell you about that party I’m invited to this weekend?” she asks instead, making the boy shake his head in disbelief and throw his face into his pillow to stop himself from screaming.

“No,” he sighs, “but tell me now.”

“Okay, so–”

The rest of their conversation is drowned out by his thoughts. Don’t get him wrong, he is actively listening to what she has to say– how she doesn’t know what to wear and she’s not sure if she wants to match with her best friend– but he is also subconsciously focused on the fact that the way she talks in her low tone, keeping her voice down to not wake up her roommate next door. It makes the atmosphere that much more sincere and intimate. He finds himself admiring his friend’s excitement and joy, the energy she has when she talks about how her day went and how she can’t stay keeping up with one topic for long– getting lost in the track somewhere along the way, making Sunwoo remind her what she was even talking about in the first place. Everything about the girl is mesmerizing to the boy, and before he has a chance to notice, he’s falling asleep to her rambling on the phone, eyelids heavy in comfort and sleepiness. 

“Are you still there?” she asks, receiving only a soft hum from the boy on the other side. “Am I boring you?”

“No,” he half-whispers, “I’m just comfortable. Keep talking,” he says, hugging his pillow to his chest and putting the phone next to his head. He hears a soft scoff on the other side of the line, a kind, sweet voice lullying him further into dreamland.

“Okay, keep using me as your bed time story, then,” she jokes, a tint of faux offense in her tone, “I’ll disconnect the call when you stop giving me fakely interested hums after every other sentence.”

And with that, Kim Sunwoo falls asleep to his online best friend talking his ear off on a Discord call. How could she ever think that wanting to hear his voice was stupid? He understands– he thinks that perhaps, he’d choose listening to her even over hearing his favorite song.

The idea of teaching you a lesson with his competitive nature is quickly thrown into the bin when the next week comes as the game his friends choose for the afternoon is one that he is not fond of. Why does he not like this game, you may ask? Well, simply put– he is absolutely terrible at it. 

The love for League of Legends is a telling sign of someone’s virginity, though, so Sunwoo thinks he can take pride in the fact that he is not a bitchless loser by playing it in his free time. (Don’t mention the fact that he is a Discord user and currently does not have a girlfriend. He will ignore it for the sake of his reputation.)

“I’ll go bottom,” Intak says as he chooses his champion in the lobby, making Sunwoo huff. He’s not really good at playing the mage, he’s terribly, terribly bad at going jungle, and tanks and fighters are equally as easy for him to play as learning the Pi number by heart (very difficult). Soon enough though, he finds that the rest of the roles are quickly divided in his team, and that leaves him nothing else to do than to just humbly take the responsibility of the middle lane, equipping the only champion he’s played before– Fizz.

With him locking in his character, the image on his monitor morphs into the loading screen, letting him once again scan the names that belong to his team. Having 10 members in the club is easy enough to divide into two teams by 5, which he is thankful for, but the teams are almost always randomly selected– which makes him angry only at times where he gets the obviously weaker players. 

This time around, surrounded by Intak and Yangyang teaming up on the bottom, Soobin taking over the jungle and Yeji resigning on the top lane, Sunwoo is satisfied to see he at least doesn’t share a team with you this time around– because that means he can do everything in his power to make your life a living hell while playing the game.

“Try not to die in the first few seconds, Sunwoo,” Soobin snickers as the game starts and the boy aimlessly moves towards the middle of the map, moving his character with the mouse. Sunwoo only salutes at the taller boy, making him giggle.

“I’ll try not to, boss!”

Sunwoo’s quest in this game is to protect the tower and farm as much as he can– so that destroying the opponent’s tower is easier and opens up the shortest way to the enemy. After seeing how his character moves in the game– don’t make fun of him but after so much time since he last played the game, he’s forgotten– he puts his head into his hands and mourns, noticing that he foolishly chose an assassin. It’s not that they’re bad per se, it’s just that Kim Sunwoo is much better at League of Legends when he has some distance from the opponent. Which, when he wants to attack, is not a feature Fizz awards him with. 

Much to his surprise though, the middle lane seems to be empty. There is no one from the opposite team walking up to him and trying to start combat, and that puts him at ease. Maybe he can do his job right– for at least a few minutes before the tower is damaged enough that the enemy realizes they need to protect it. 

And so clueless Sunwoo enters the circle under the tower, attacking it with the red minions by his side, veins flowing with satisfaction that hey– maybe he will be successful with something in this game. He surely doesn’t need the validation of his team, but look– all he needs is to not embarrass himself in the process of playing this game. His pride is precious to him. 

The talk around the internet café slowly drowns out around him, providing him only a background noise. He doesn’t need to listen to his team’s strategy– he knows he isn’t really included in it, as the weakest link. Hyperfocusing on the game, he almost jumps when two characters suddenly appear from the bushes– not skilled enough, Sunwoo didn’t think to check them when he arrived in the middle of the map– attacking him.

The nicknames aerichandesu and ceo.y/n shine proudly above the characters of Annie and Vi, both of the females cornering him and making him scowl at the screen. You don’t do much damage to him, he notices, but there is something about the way Aeri plays that tells him that he is royally fucked in this game.

Only a few seconds of combat pass before the banner saying First blood appears on the top of the screen, embarrassing him and making the rest of the team laugh at his death. He finally acknowledges that he was tricked, and as the seconds pass of him waiting to be revived, his eyes meet yours from across the room– and oh how he wishes to wipe that smirk off your face.

“As expected,” Soobin chirps from Sunwoo’s right, making the poor boy sigh and cross his arms defensively at his chest.

“They teamed up on me!”

“That’s the point, sweetheart,” Yeji hums from the corner of the room, “you’d know that if you knew how to play.”

“Oh, shut up, you losers…” he grunts as his character revives, making him hurriedly move towards his designated place again, noticing his team’s tower slowly falling apart due to leaving you in there unwatched. 

Once he appears back under his tower, he watches you retract from your place. Sunwoo takes this as his opportunity to show you that one on one, you’re not going to win against him– and so he chimes forward after you, using Fizz’s trident to deal you magic damage over the next couple of seconds. The clicking of his mouse onto your character resonates through the crowded café and the banners showing his teammate’s successful kills do nothing to help him focus on the task at hand– but your health bar is slowly dropping, and that satisfies the male.

“Not so strong without Aeri now, are you?” he teases, watching as you aimlessly start to run away from him, no longer focusing on killing his character.

He doesn’t get a verbal reply from you, but one thing is certain– the poor male forgot to keep a check of his own health bar, and while chasing after you with greediness, wanting to be the one to get you down, he foolishly gets shot down by the enemy minion following him. The kill is still written off to you though, and when his screen freezes with the death announcement, he watches you cheer– eyes glimmering and a victorious smile spreading across your cheeks– before you high-five with your best friend to your right.

Turns out that maybe you don’t need Aeri to carry you in League of Legends. At least not when it’s Kim Sunwoo you’re playing against– and that puts him at a big of a disadvantage.

Is this how you feel every time he conspires against you? Because if so, he has to applaud you– you have an awfully big patience. He can handle it for one Tuesday out of the semester, but if he was in your place, he’d be running away from the room the moment he dies in the game again, all because of you.

Running around, out of breath and heaving for oxygen, Kim Sunwoo starts to contemplate if all of this was even a good idea. He should’ve known the whole thing was bound to be a failure when the first mishaps started happening, but against his best assumptions, he decided to go on with it and try to figure things out. 

The first thing wrong with this whole entire thing is that it wasn’t even his idea in the first place. Hyunjae suggested that the whole friend group goes to play laser tag at the end of the week, to wind off a little before finals. And Sunwoo agreed– because that sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?– and expected to just read out the details of it in the groupchat. He thought turning up to the place would be the only thing he had to do, but oh how he was wrong. 

Lee Hyunjae decided he didn’t really feel like going to laser tag on the single day where all of them were free– which meant that they either cancel the whole thing or go without him. And since Eric Sohn was all too excited for the idea, Sunwoo decided he won’t disappoint his dear roommate– in fears of getting sabotaged or killed in his sleep if he declines– leading into making Kim Sunwoo being in charge of the whole thing because as the only Aries of the group, he takes his leadership seriously when he has to.

And so he sucked it up and called the laser tag place, asking for a reservation for 5. Another failure hit him in the face when he was announced that they can only let them play if they have a group of ten people, and before he had the chance to let the rational part of his brain take over and cancel the plans, he was left agreeing and saying he will find 5 more people to come with them. 

Sunwoo figured that Eric, as the born extrovert, will have no problem finding 5 more people for the laser tag game. He was wrong, though, when his friend announced that all of his friends magically have some plans for that exact Friday– he thought that there’s a party that somehow, only the loser friend group he is partaking in wasn’t attending, for some reason– and Eric could only think of one person that would come, which left Sunwoo with solving the issue of finding 4 more people to come to play laser tag with him.

So he brought out the big guns– the Video Gaming club group chat. 

sunwhooo [9:31]: hello friends i need 4 people to join us for laser tag tomorrow sunwhooo [9:31]: anyone down meet us there at 5pm

And with that, he considered the task done. Too over with the whole thing and too tired of being the only one with common sense in his friend group, he didn’t check who agreed to his invitation. He figured that someone will either show up, or they will shamefully go home. Which option it’s gonna be is the problem of the day after– in this moment, he needed sleep.

He appeared in front of the laser tag arena on Friday, 4:45 sharp, waiting for his group to arrive. He felt like one of those tour guides in the middle of big cities– all he was missing was a flag in his hand, or an umbrella– either or– waving around and calling out for his friends. Five minutes after him, Changmin and Juyeon arrived, tailed by Eric and a boy that’s introduced to him as Jake Sim– who is, just by the way, a carbon copy of Sunwoo’s dear roommate both with energy and some of their small mannerisms. 

Five minutes before they were supposed to enter the arena and get the safety tutorial on how to play, 2 members of his club came up, smiling widely ear to ear. If Sunwoo had to guess who would say yes to his invitation the fastest, Myung Jaehyun and Lee Donghyuck would be first in line– and he was right. 

“Where’s the rest of you?” he asked after greeting the boys, and right in this moment, after hearing their reply, was when he knew he should’ve canceled the plans the moment Lee Hyunjae turned down his own offer.

“Y/N and Aeri’s bus was late, but they’re on their way now!” Jaehyun said, smiling ear to ear. “Y/N texted you in the groupchat, but I don’t think you saw it.”

“Pretty sure I have her number blocked,” he grunted under his breath, sighing to himself. Was it too late to leave now…?

“What?”

“Nothing.”

And that’s how he ends up in this mess. You and your best friend arrive 2 minutes late, but you’re still let in– much to Sunwoo’s dismay. Everyone seems to be excited– almost too excited– when they choose to play the game in the complete darkness, and before Sunwoo has a chance to protest, he is thrown into the laser tag game, nothing but a laser gun in his hand and a vest with the sensoring clutching to his chest.

He can’t see anything, he’s constantly bumping into the obstacles, the arena is too big for his own liking– because he doesn’t really know where he is and can’t see anyone else, making him feel strangely alone and kind of afraid– and it’s so hot inside that sweat is slowly dripping down his forehead, making him irritated.

Once in a while, he hears a scream from somewhere inside of the arena when two players meet. He contemplates just sitting on the ground and waiting for the game to pass– not really that mad about being the last one in the ranking– but the last remains of his pride are telling him to keep going, to keep trying.

He’s good at shooting games! What is he doing?

Taking a deep breath in and out, he makes a run for it– hoping he won’t be met with the wall and break his neck in the process (now that would really take the crown for the worst thing that could happen in relation to the laser tag), before he’s met with the sound of footsteps in his ears, making him painfully alert of his surroundings.

Turning his head around, trying to see where the sound is coming from and who he has to protect himself from– or shoot and get some points in, that is– he feels his body meeting full speed with another person, a yelp coming out of their throat right before the sound of clothes rustling and body mass hitting the floor resonates through the place.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, dropping the gun, “are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern lacing his tone. 

“Watch where you’re going, for fuck’s sake!” he hears your voice call out of him… and the last remains of genuine concern leave his body at that, irritation swimming to the shore.

“How the fuck am I supposed to watch where I’m going when you fuckers chose to play in complete darkness?!” He yells over the music– that is, just for the record, an atrocious EDM remake mix of early 00s songs– and lets his eyes adjust to the darkness for some more, watching the outline of your figure on the ground slowly appear in his retina.

Acting on auto-pilot, though, the boy reaches out an arm towards you, trying to help you to your feet. The view of your face is hazy in his eyes but he can still make out the scowled expression you offer him before you take his hand and let him drag you to a standing position.

“So much sympathy in one man, wow,” you grunt, shaking your head at him once you’re standing tall in front of him. “Wouldn’t hurt to apologize, you know–”

“This clearly wasn’t my fault–”

He starts, but stops himself mid-sentence when he sees you point the laser gun towards him, shooting. The interaction is short– it goes by almost too fast for him to register it– and before he has a chance to let the sensor cool down and aim towards your chest as well, you’re running away from him, full speed skillfully through the maze. 

“Hey!” he yells out, but is much slower at following you. Is he doing something wrong? Why is everyone suddenly so good at navigating the space?

And while Kim Sunwoo is competitive– there was an agreement that the last place pays for everyone’s meal after– sometimes, his spirit is overshadowed by his emotions. Frustrated, irritated and a little mad, although he pays much effort into shooting at his opponents and gathering up all the points he lost while he was aimlessly walking through the place like a blind man, he just can’t seem to catch up and crawl out of the last place.

Standing outside of the room and looking at the scoreboard after, having the rest of the team pat his shoulder and thank for the meal, his eyes land on you as you’re the last one to leave the arena aside from him.

“Looks like being good at CS:GO isn’t enough to be good at shooter games in real life, huh?” you tease, pouting at the scoreboard in mock sympathy. “Thank you for the meal, Sunwoo. I’d like a large fry and a cheeseburger, by the way. Make it extra cheese.”

Maybe he should’ve canceled the laser tag the first moment he wanted to. 

You know what? Maybe he should cancel the Video Gaming club altogether, while he’s at it.

Sitting around the study room in the library, accompanied by Eric and Changmin arguing about something and enveloped in a gray, fuzzy hoodie, Kim Sunwoo lets himself roll his eyes at the aimless quarreling and puts the hood of his sweater up, leaning back on the uncomfortable chair. After a couple of minutes spent listening to the fight– that’s about the assignment at hand, just for your information– Sunwoo feels himself zoning out of the room before he’s brought back to reality by the buzzing of his phone on the table with the incoming notification.

At this point of the uneventful afternoon, he would’ve replied back to anyone within a few minutes– anything to pass time, he figures– but when his eyes zone in on the name on his screen, he is left clicking at the Discord bar quicker than the speed of light.

sunpoodle [6:44]: can u call rn? notsteve [6:45]: no notsteve [6:45]: im at the library rn notsteve [6:45]: why

“You can’t just completely ignore that point of the essay, because it’s going to look like we didn’t do enough research,” Changmin argues his point in the background, the loud voice of Sunwoo’s roommate almost startling him as he tries to prove otherwise.

“We can’t just include every. single. point. in it, though, or else it’s gonna become a wholeass bible at this point.”

“Better to exceed the word count than to hand in an unfinished essay–”

sunpoodle [6:48]: oh so u hate me notsteve [6:48]: pretty sure this is emotional manipulation

“What do you think, Sunwoo?” Eric speaks up, turning his head towards the last boy of the three– the only one that hasn’t spoken up about the matter yet. It’s true that he didn’t really do much work on the actual essay yet– only some very, very brief research last night– but that didn’t mean he suddenly felt like doing much more. 

“Hm? Me?” 

sunpoodle [6:49]: dont care sunpoodle [6:50]: youre probably with some other bitches

“Yeah,” Changmin chimes in, “say your part. It’s three of us here, so the majority will go. What do you think?”

“Oh, I don’t really care…” Sunwoo hums without much thinking, eyes glued to his phone screen.

notsteve [6:51]: ??? sunpoodle [6:52]: anyways i just wanted to show you my child sunpoodle [6:52]: but you’re clearly not interested so

“Are you even listening?” Eric asks.

Sunwoo hums in response, automatized. Did the words really register in his brain? You can bet they didn’t.

“Are you texting that online girl again?” Changmin scoffs, Sunwoo’s ears perking up just a little bit at the mention of his friend.

“Yeah.”

notsteve [6:53]: a child??? notsteve [6:53]: is this another sylvanian families toy  sunpoodle [6:54]: no:(( notsteve [6:54]: what is it then notsteve [6:54]: because we both know youre not responsible enough to have a child

“Still can’t believe you developed a crush on a girl you don’t even know,” Eric sighs from next to him, the previous topic of their conversation long gone when it means he can make fun of his roommate for being absolutely, totally infatuated with a girl in his phone screen.

“How can you even know she’s real?” Changmin jokes. “For all you know, that could be a 50 year old white male trying to get nudes out of you,” he adds, making the shortest boy snort at the comment.

“I don’t have a crush on her,” is all that leaves Sunwoo’s mouth, although his tone is not very argumentative– just mindlessly spoken out, most of his attention still glued to his messenger app.

sunpoodle [6:55]: are you underestimating me?? sunpoodle [6:55]: im offended sunpoodle [6:56]: might just block u. and here i was considering sending u a pic of my dog…

“Sure you don’t,” Eric sighs, “because you’re totally not smiling like an idiot right now.”

“Shut the fuck up…” Sunwoo breathes out, rolling his eyes. The smile on his face freezes and drops at the unnecessary comment, but his cheeks grow a soft pink hue to them, only further proving his friends’ point.

notsteve [6:56]: A DOG????”,?” notsteve [6:56]: show it to me notsteve [6:56]: show it to me rachel!!!!

“When are you going to ask her for a picture or something?” Changmin pries, kicking his friend to his shin under the table.

“When she asks first,” he shrugs, “I don’t wanna sound like a creep.”

“I bet you already do,” Eric jokes, making his roommate glare at him. 

“Besides, we call often,” Sunwoo shrugs, “I know she’s not a 50 year old man. And so far, I’m content with this. It’s not like it would be going anywhere in the first place.”

“You don’t know that,” Changmin says, and something about that sentence makes Sunwoo momentarily glance away from his phone screen, furrowing his brows at the male.

“Yeah,” Eric chimes in, “you don’t even know where she lives. For all you know, she could be just down the street and you two could be going on embarrassing lan party dates together, or something.”

“Or– and get this–” Sunwoo ironically argues, “she could live on the other side of the country. Which, logically speaking, is much more likely.”

“You never know until you don’t ask,” Changmin shrugs, “I mean, it doesn't hurt to know.”

Shuffling his feet under the table, Sunwoo thinks to himself. There is a reason why he never really asked his online best friend any personal questions– and that is because he was simply afraid. Afraid of what he might find out.

No matter the distance, it’s scary for Sunwoo to know about his friend’s whereabouts. Because if she lives far, it means the chances of ever meeting her are unlikely. If she lives close, the chances rise– but he’s also completely terrified of the chance to meet her because, to put it blankly, he is petrified of the image his online friend would have of him when she meets him in real life.

Hiding behind the cloak of the internet is much easier for the boy. His friend doesn’t know what he looks like, what his mannerisms are in real life. And it’s not like he is faking his personality online– because truth be told, he’s acting the same way in his Minecraft server then he would in any real life situation– it’s just that he is strangely insecure of if he’d still be liked in the same way, had his friend met up with him in real life. He’s nervous of awkward silence. He’s stressed out about the fact that maybe he won’t click as well with the girl he met online. It’s all strange and new to him, and that’s why he never really dares to ask.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “it’s all just kind of weird.”

At this point, he doesn’t know if he fears meeting up with his friend online, or never seeing her with his own two eyes more. 

sunpoodle [6:57]: doggo sunpoodle [6:58] – sends one picture sunpoodle [7:02]: wow youre ignoring me again sunpoodle [7:05]: why do i even try at this point… sunpoodle [7:08]: teaching my dog to bite u if he ever meets u irl notsteve [7:09]: how are u gonna do that notsteve [7:10]: BUT OMG THATS SUCH A CUTE DOG notsteve [7:10]: BEST BOY sunpoodle [7:11]: i have my ways… sunpoodle [7:11]: but he says thank u so i guess we will let it go for now

Sunwoo chuckles at your reply, making the rest of the boys in the room look at each other with knowing eyes, shaking their head in disbelief. It’s not that they’re disapproving of their friend’s little (big) crush on the girl he met online– they’re supportive of whatever makes their dear bundle of sunshine happy– they just fear that this whole thing… might not end the best for the young gamer.

notsteve [7:12]: u like me too much to make your dog bite me notsteve [7:12]: admit it sunpoodle [7:13]: im resuming with my lecture!! sunpoodle [7:13]: he is small and fat but he is strong. do be afraid notsteve [7:14]: all that for not paying attention to you for 5 minutes? notsteve [7:14]: your actions speak for themselves, honey <33

“Right…” Eric awkwardly clears his throat, calling the attention of the enamoured boy, “shall we dwell deeper into your online relationship, or do you want to help us with the group essay for a change?” He asks while kicking the boy into his shin lightly, to make sure he has his full attention.

“Essay please,” he replies, nodding to himself. There is no way he is going into details of the embarrassing crush he has on the girl living in his phone.

sunpoodle [7:15]: what can i say life isnt fun without my jasper :// notsteve [7:15]: try not to die as i work on this assignment sunpoodle [7:16]: dont lie u dont do those notsteve [7:16]: unfortunately i do:(( notsteve [7:16] – sends one picture

Sunwoo points his camera so only a part of his laptop is shown with the study room in the background– making sure neither his friends or him are in the picture– before sending it to his friend. It’s not like she needs proof– Sunwoo knows that despite the playful teasing, she understands his need to put in some work into his education– he just feels like slowly testing the waters with sharing more and more of his real life with his online best friend.

“Okay, so let’s get back to what we were talking about before,” Changmin says, “I was thinking we should at least briefly talk about the points that are against what we’re trying to argue here, but Eric says it would completely disregard like, half of our work, so…”

sunpoodle [7:17]: wait is that at SNU notsteve [7:18]: yea notsteve [7:18]: how’d you know sunpoodle [7:18]: oh my god ?? sunpoodle [7:18]: i study there too

You know what? Forget the assignment– it’s due in a week. It can wait 7 more days.

“Guys, uh…” Sunwoo hums, hands shaking and his heart doing somersaults in his chest, “I’d actually like to go back to the topic of my online friend for a sec…”

Although Kim Sunwoo feels like the world stopped turning– or shifted in its axis, either or– since he learned about the fact that his internet best friend goes to the same university as him, and therefore, could be just about anyone he sees in the halls on a day to day basis, much to his dismay, it did not. The world didn’t stop turning and nothing really changed, all events happening around him as if he wasn’t just gifted with the life changing information: and that meant that besides the exam week fastly approaching him, he still had to host the Video Gaming club the Tuesday after.

He still has to turn up to the internet café and take the attendance sheet with him, even though the groupchat announced to him that they’re all going to study for the incoming exams instead. Because the rules are rules– as the head of the club, Kim Sunwoo has to host the meetings every week, or else the rights for the club will be revoked and all the privileges that come with having one will be taken away from him before he even has a chance to blink.

It’s already bad that he will be the only one on the attendance sheet– if he doesn’t decide to fake some signatures, that is– but now, he is alone and bored, and as it turns out, playing games alone isn’t as fun as playing them with someone else. The competitive nature in him yearns for multiplayer games, it longs for the social contact he so effortlessly has with someone when playing a video game with them. He thinks he built a decent group out of the other video game lovers at this university, and he didn’t even realize it up until now– when he’s sitting alone in the internet café, in the far back on one of the couches. 

At least he has the chance to test out the new Playstation console they installed here.

Legs spread wide on the small couch, having the whole place for himself, Sunwoo turns on the Test Drive Unlimited game, clicking through the settings. He is not a big fan of racing games in general, but he figures it’s the only game that he can play alone and still have at least some fun, and so after picking out a fancy car to drive around the world, he focuses on racing and fulfilling the side-quests the best he can.

Until a figure squeezes itself right next to him, startling him. “Oh, Jesus!”

“It’s Y/N, actually,” you snicker, making the boy’s mood drop at least two notches, eyebrows furrowing at your sudden arrival. What are you even doing here? He thought no one was available this week?

“You came?” he asks, and despite the sincerity of the question, the tone sounds kind of spiteful.

“Yeah,” you shrug, “am I not allowed here? I thought the club is on every Tuesday?” 

“It is,” he agrees, a hint of annoyance in his voice, “I just didn’t expect you to come.”

“Didn’t expect, or didn’t want?”

“Both,” he grunts, before he turns his head towards the screen again, ignoring your presence completely. The noises coming out of the console provide you two with some background music, but it’s still not enough to diffuse the tense atmosphere. Sunwoo hates every second of you by his side– your thighs touching in the small space due to his dominant manspreading– even the sound of you breathing making him immensely annoyed.

“What’s your problem with me anyway?” you suddenly speak up, breaking the silence. Something about the way you ask the question puts a dagger through Sunwoo’s heart, for some reason, but he doesn’t dare to drop his tough facade.

“I don’t like you, that’s all,” he shrugs nonchalantly, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he focuses back onto the game, trying hard to not fail at his sidequest. Everything but focus on the difficult conversation beginning to take place right in this moment, right? 

And why do you even care? It’s not like the two of you are friends– anything close to that, even.

“Why?” you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. “I mean, I don’t get it. I did nothing wrong, and you seem to be getting on fine with the rest of the girls, so I don’t think that’s the problem here,” you lightly laugh, trying to take some weight off the situation.

Sunwoo’s jaw hardens. He doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. 

“At first I thought it was just harmless teasing, something you do for fun or attention, but then I realized you were being serious about it, so I really… I really just wanna know what’s the deal behind all of this,” you grunt, swinging your arms in the air at the last word, putting more emphasis on the end of the sentence. You’re starting to get frustrated, and that’s slowly ticking off Sunwoo’s patience.

“Oh, you don’t know?” he scoffs, turning his head to you. “Then you’re even worse than I thought.”

“What are you even talking about?” you yelp out, the eyes of others in the internet café turning towards you with furrowed brows, annoyed glares pointed at your little commotion due to being disturbed while playing their favorite games.

“You’re my friend’s ex, that’s why,” he mutters, before scoffing at you and pointing his eyes back to the TV screen. 

There is a moment of silence following his confession. He’s not sure what is the reasoning behind it– if you’re rocking your head, trying to remember what he’s talking about, or if you’re just shocked that he is so loyal to his friend. Maybe you’re in disbelief. Maybe you feel ashamed. Truth be told, Sunwoo doesn’t really care.

“Ji Changmin?” you ask, suddenly sounding surprised. “This is about Ji Changmin?” 

Sunwoo hates the way you sound almost… amused? 

“You can’t be serious. That happened over 4 years ago! There’s no way either of you is still hung up about that,” you say, shaking your head at him in disbelief.

The boy snickers, talking to you, but not really offering you any eye contact as he continues on with his game. “Maybe you didn’t think it was serious, but I surely won’t like someone who did my friends wrong.”

“Sunwoo, we were kids.”

“Does that mean it didn’t count?” he scoffs.

“Yeah, basically,” you bluntly agree, a bitter laugh escaping your throat. “Ask Changmin. I’m sure he barely even remembers–”

“Well, I remember him crying over you for two weeks straight, so maybe stop bragging into spaces where you’re not welcome,” he snaps, finally looking at you.

He chose a bad moment to have eye contact with you, though. The second the words leave his mouth, hurt flashes by your face, your expression instantly dropping. Your orbs get a little sadder and there’s a wrinkle between your eyebrows that makes Sunwoo’s stomach drop, guilt washing over him in waves strong like tsunami. Realistically, he shouldn’t care about hurting your feelings– by his logic, you must have even deserved it– but there is something in him that wants to physically crawl out of his skin and give himself a big, fierceful slap across his face for the words he just said.

Because who is he to tell you you’re unwanted in the club? The other people there like you. Everyone gets on with you just fine– it’s not Sunwoo’s right to ban you from the space he created, just because he has personal vendetta against you.

You’re not even doing anything wrong… Maybe he did fuck up.

“O-okay–”

“No, wait,” he hurriedly says, reaching out an arm towards you instinctively so he can stop you if you wanted to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… I care about my friends a lot, that’s all. It’s… nothing personal,” he explains, humming to himself.

Except he’s lying, and you both know that. Everything about this was nothing but personal– the targeted jokes, the mean comments, the rude energy he has towards you any time you show up. Everything about his behavior and his annoyance whenever you are around is personal, because it involves you, and only you. 

There’s no way he can save himself now, though. The words are already said and out there, and even though he regrets them, there is no way Kim Sunwoo is apologizing.

A cloak of silence falls over the two of you again but this time, it’s slowly eating Sunwoo alive. It’s biting on his arms and crawling on his insides, carving out every harsh word he’s said to you into skin, making it unbearable for the boy to continue just aimlessly sitting next to you. He has to do something.

“Do you want me to leave?” you ask in a soft, quiet voice– a tone slightly familiar to him. It makes his ears perk up and his stomach squeeze on itself. It’s a weird, visceral reaction, but he won’t really allow himself to put much importance into it.

Instead, he sighs and turns to you with the controller in hand, offering you a soft, guilty smile. “No,” he shakes his head, “you can pick your own car and play for a while as I order us some snacks, if you wanna. I’m also pretty sure there’s Smash bros on it, in case you wanna play with me when I get back.”

The air is tense and awkward, and Sunwoo curses himself from the way events unraveled. He feels like he is betraying his best friend, in a way, but the guilt he carries in him is too big to not try to dissolve. 

You take the controller from him and nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. He thinks this might be the beginning of truce– not a friendship, just tolerance– between the two of you, but he is soon taken out of his delusions when he sees you clicking off the game and opening Smash bros instead. 

In that moment, he knows he is going to get his ass kicked, and he knows it’s going to be personal.

The remote control in his hands feels like a weapon after he managed to finally stick the strip of LED lights all around the ceiling– and with how things have been going (the previous ones not working and them falling down every few seconds this time around), it might as well turn into one if it turns out he failed at installing his newest room decor again. He will use it against himself, he thinks– there is not much will to live left in him after the whole day, leaving him weak and exhausted.

Praying a little before trying for one last time, Sunwoo clicks on the red button of the remote control in his palm, squeezing his eyes shut– and after wishing on all 11:11s and all eyelashes, it seems– the LED lights finally turn on and illuminate his room with a dark red glow that he quickly turns towards a more muted purple, because it’s easier on his eyes and he kind of doesn’t want his room to look like literal hell upon walking in.

The boy’s heart leaps in his chest. It finally worked– he is every gamer girl’s dream! (And to stay true to the statement, he reaches towards his phone, clicking on the Discord app, approaching the one he dreams about.)

notsteve [10:45]: ive got these really sick lights if u wanna come over ;;) notsteve [10:45]: they tried to scam me twice but omg look notsteve [10:46] – sends 1 video notsteve [10:46]: they can change colors hihihii

Ever since the moment Kim Sunwoo learned that his dear online best friend loves to be persuaded– her words, not his– alongside with the new knowledge of the fact that they both walk across the same halls and visit the same lecture rooms, the dynamic he had with the girl shifted just the tiniest bit.

First of all, they call more often. Not only during the late hours of the night, but also during the day– whenever either of them feels like chatting for a while. There is also an increased volume of voice memos and random pictures of their surroundings, which didn’t use to happen before. And believe me, Sunwoo doesn’t want to honk his horn too much, but he swears the amount of casual flirting increased at least twice the size– from his side anyway. But he promises his friend is reciprocating! Hell, she even starts it sometimes! You have to believe him.

sunpoodle [10:47]: and here i thought you died notsteve [10:48]: almost notsteve [10:48]: i couldnt get it up :((  sunpoodle [10:48]: i didn’t know that was a problem ://

Sunwoo snorts at that, heat rising to his cheeks at the comment. 

notsteve [10:49]: god i hate u notsteve [10:50]: no that’s not a problem for me sweetie notsteve [10:50]: i can show you if u come over cough

The moment he sends the last message, he regrets it. Every day he spends talking with his friend, the boundaries and lines get pushed and pushed, and he can’t seem to know why. Is it the prospect of maybe meeting her one day? The idea of somehow sweeping the girl off her feet and getting to know her beyond the level that the online space gives him– in a more deep, personal way?

Why does the idea of getting to see her with his own eyes, the idea of touching her, make the poor boy so flustered and excited? It’s not like either one of them actually initiated any real meeting in the first place– all of it was just half-jokes and invitations. He wonders when the day comes when he will be able to just nod and say yes to any of it– he wonders when she will feel comfortable enough to actually set a time and place, ordering to meet him there. He would drop anything– cancel any plans– just to run and meet her. 

sunpoodle [10:53]: i could get convinced sunpoodle [10:53]: to see the lights irl i mean sunpoodle [10:54]: nothing else…..cough sunpoodle [10:54]: youll have to clean first tho 

After the replies flood in, Sunwoo immediately relaxes. The girl doesn’t seem uncomfortable– quite the opposite, actually– and so he takes it as a sign to continue the playful nature of things, subtly pushing the idea of a meet-up more and more. For some reason, Sunwoo feels like it should happen soon– although no time is running out, he feels pressure somewhere in the bottom of his stomach and quiet buzzing in his fingertips any time the thought of his friend crosses his mind– and he knows it will only go away if he finally meets the girl. (Or it might even get worse– either way, he desperately needs to find out.)

notsteve [10:56]: my room is super clean!! notsteve [10:56]: and my bed is comfy sunpoodle [10:57]: proof or im just gonna assume youre lying

The boy tussles in his bed, his hair getting messy in his sheets. The music playing in the background only further pushes the intimate atmosphere, and so after receiving your message, he doesn’t waste much time in opening his camera and putting effort into the angle of the picture he’s going to send you.

He makes sure not much of his face is shown. His phone screen mirrors mostly the white fabric of his pillow– that is now tinder purple with the LED lighting– but in the right corner, the majority of his tousled hair is shown. It looks soft against the sheets and he makes no real effort in tidying it, since he thinks it adds to the aesthetics of the picture. A glimpse of his face appears in the picture as well– only his left eye, though. It looks sleepy, hooded, and after squinting at the screen for a few seconds, Sunwoo decides to hit send. 

The line is once again pushed a bit farther, making him wonder if his friend will follow in his footsteps and send a similar photo back. It’s secretive enough, yet also daring enough to make the other side wonder and fantasize– what does the rest of his face look like? Did she see him around? Does she recognise his face? 

…does she find the glimpse attractive? (God, Sunwoo, get a fucking grip!)

notsteve [11:02] – sends one picture sunpoodle [11:03]: i feel like a victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time

The reaction makes Sunwoo’s heart pick up at pace, a dumb smile running to his cheeks. If anyone saw him right now, he’d get bullied and picked on until the rest of his life– it’s hard to hide the feelings he tries to keep under control, though. It’s already difficult enough to deal with them on his own– he bets bottling it all up and pretending they don’t exist would even result in making it all that much harder.

notsteve [11:04]: WDYMMMMM notsteve [11:04]: be serious for once sunpoodle [11:04]: oh i AM serious sunpoodle [11:04]: i mean that bed sure does seem comfy o:))

Sunwoo feels like he is going to faint soon. Hell, he feels like the world is suddenly turning faster and it’s hard to keep up.

notsteve [11:05]: i heard its even comfier when you cuddle i mean what who said that sunpoodle [11:06]: im open to trying that out for myself

There are pools forming in Sunwoo’s palms during the course of the conversation, but they only deepen when he realizes that maybe he has to be the one to make the first step and initiate something actually real. Something that isn’t just mysteriously looking selfies in the chat or silly conversations about cuddling and meeting up that could turn into reality, but aren’t, and for what reason is making him absolutely insane.

And so he picks up all of his remaining courage and starts crafting the message inside of his head. How does he bring it up? How does he make it sound real? Like he’s being serious– that he wants to meet her and will turn crazy if it doesn’t happen soon? 

The semester ends in a few days and lord knows if his friend lives anywhere near the campus. Knowing that he wasted his only chance and opportunity would absolutely destroy him, no matter if it’s Christmas or not. 

Before he has a chance to send the carefully crafted message, though, the tone of a new message in his phone makes his attention perk up, reading out the words she’s sent to him via Discord and making his heart drop to the deepest pits of his stomach.

sunpoodle [11:10]: in all seriousness tho we should hang out sometime sunpoodle [11:10]: since we live on the same campus and all lmao sunpoodle [11:10]: (im trying to be so normal about this)

Well, that’s sudden. And unexpected. The boy feels himself grinning, resulting in biting down on his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming out. It’s finally happening– and he wasn’t the one having to write it down first. It’s not only him that seriously wants to meet up, and that has him metaphorically bouncing against the wall of his newly decorated room.

notsteve [11:10]: oh my god its happening notsteve [11:11]: everyone stay calm sunpoodle [11:12]: LMAO bE SERIOUS FOR ONE SEC sunpoodle [11:12]: would love to meet outside of ur bedroom first tho  notsteve [11:13]: omg ofc that was just a jokey joke notsteve [11:13]: just tell me when and where n ill be there notsteve [11:14]: im free literally whenever except from when im not and even then ill make sure i cancel any other thing sooo sunpoodle [11:15]: what about after exams? sunpoodle [11:15]: im busy on tuesday but i can do any other day sunpoodle [11:16]: they opened a new café close to the campus if u wanna see?:)

Sunwoo feels on Cloud 9. It’s finally happening and it’s so close– in just a week. More than 7 days, sure, but it’s still close enough– much closer than never, as he once presumed. Tussling a little in his bed, he makes sure his mouth is covered with his pillow before he lets out the scream he’s been holding for the last few minutes. 

If Eric hears him, Sunwoo is gonna try to convince him that he just stubbed his toe. Nothing else.

The boy is painfully aware of the fact that he’s acting like a teenager in love for the first time– kicking his feet, giggling, thinking of his crush before falling asleep– but frankly speaking, he doesn’t really care. In just over 7 days, he can prove Ji Changmin and everyone wrong: he doesn’t have a crush on someone he hasn’t met before. Because in just over 7 days, he will meet the presumed love of his life and look at her with his own two eyes for the first time.

That day somehow feels more important than his own birthday. Maybe he should get the date tattooed… He’ll think about it.

When he finally takes his face out of the soft pillow, he notices his room went dark. When he reaches for the remote that belongs to the newly installed LED lights, he finds it not working. In any other circumstances, he’d consider either drowning himself in his bathtub or jumping out of his window– since he and Eric live on the 6th floor, it would be high enough to cause the damage needed– but right at this moment, he feels like nothing could ever break his mood again.

notsteve [11:20]: about the lights tho…

Sunwoo doesn’t really know how he grew to love video games. If he really thinks about it, perhaps he could say it was just how boys always turn out– fascinated with anything electric that had a cord attached to it (he once managed to make the power go out for the whole street when soldering his old pair of headphones that stopped working in one ear), but there was also something so fun about gaming that managed to make the boy stick to it– and that thing was how easy it was to make friends during it.

When he was little and his dad bought him his first game boy for Christmas, he not only managed to boost in front of everyone at school during recess by playing with it, but he also managed to lend the device to everyone who stared at it with even the tiniest bit of desire in their eyes for too long. Sunwoo knew not everyone was as fortunate as him, and playing it was so fun– he thought no one should go without trying the game boy at least once. The other kids at the playground kept going back to him to play with his toy and the friendships eventually blossomed to the point that the people around him stayed even beyond the video games– and that’s how Sunwoo met his first ever friend, Ji Changmin. 

Sunwoo always liked having a group of people around him. He enjoyed when his friends from high school would come over to his house and play with the Playstation console he begged for his birthday. He didn’t mind anyone borrowing his phone during class and trying to solve the most difficult level of Geo Dash (since he’s the one that got the farthest in the game), because it meant he got to talk to the desperate gamers during break and have someone to run to the convenience store to buy snacks with afterwards.

He loved going to internet cafés, because even though the initial friendship he had with Eric Sohn and Lee Juyeon came around because they asked him to play Valorant after finding the poor boy alone, waddling into the place completely lonely during his first week of university, the bond got deeper and he can’t imagine his life without the two men in it anymore.

Sure, video games are fun. He likes to play shooting games because he enjoys winning. The competitive nature in him thrives during video games– he loves to tease his opponent, he loves to show that he’s the best. Yeah, Kim Sunwoo enjoys spending his time in the virtual world, escaping the mundane reality. But if he really dwelled deeper on it, he doesn’t think playing Minecraft would be as enjoyable if he didn’t talk to his online friend on the server every day, or if him and his friends didn’t go out and eat dinner together after a round of Overwatch in the late hours of the day.

Which is why he created the Video Gaming club in the first place. To connect people– to play games with the ones who need a buddy in their life. It made him smile to see people that met because of his club hanging out together even outside of it– he felt like he was doing something good. Sunwoo prided himself in the fact that he was the one to connect people together through his hobby, that he could share precious moments and make precious bonds in his circle through gaming. 

Maybe that’s why the last meeting of the club for this semester made him so emotional. Truth be told, he didn’t think the Video Gaming club would make it big– hell, he thought not many people would care to show up each time. As a pat on his back of some sort, Sunwoo decides that the last game of the winter semester should be his favourite.

“Can’t believe you got us playing Minecraft of all games, what are we, 11?” Chan mutters from next to the club leader, making the boy snicker.

“Just say you’re embarrassed about the nickname you chose when you were 11.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Okay, mega_dino, I’ll believe you,” Sunwoo hums and nods, hearing his friends giggle as the younger one takes a hold of his gaming mouse.

Squinting his eyes at his screen, the club leader makes sure everything is set before the game starts. He already moved all of his important items from his main house into an underground hiding place of which coordinates he’d written down before getting to the internet café– knowing that his friends would want to sabotage him as soon as he lets them play on the server he carefully created. He knows letting them play on a different one would be much easier, but he kind of prefers to have the upper hand of owning a couple of diamond swords already, and he’s also too lazy to set up a new one. (And he would have to pay for it– which he isn’t really a fan of. Money is tight when you have to buy new LED lights off Temu every other week.)

“Are we starting already? I miss Minecraft,” Intak whines from the other side of the table, a glass of coke sitting in his hand.

“Why are you saying it like it’s a children’s game?” Sunwoo shakes his head at the comments. Ever since he announced the game of choice for the week, all he’s gotten were either complaints or dreamy sighs about how nostalgic it’s gonna be. Is Minecraft not cool anymore? Should he get a new hobby?

“Kinda is,” Yeji laughs, making the boy roll his eyes at her.

“You’re just mad you’re missing out on all the fun,” he argues, “heal your inner child a little. Make that pretty house you’ve always wanted!”

“I fuck with Minecraft,” an innocent voice lands into his ears from the opposite of him– a voice he would often curse out and cringe at just because of it’s sheer existence in his proximity, but now tolerates in favor of keeping peace in the room. The comment still startles him, though– he didn’t expect anyone to agree with his point. Not if it’s you, anyway.

“Can’t believe you two finally agree on something,” Aeri sighs from your side, the girl always glued to your hip. “You do realise you’re having an advantage if you’re letting us play on your server, though?”

“It’s not like we’re playing extreme survival tournament, come on guys–”

“You aren’t,” you shrug, “don’t really know about the rest of us,” you comment, meeting his eyes with a smug look, a teasing grin slowly slipping its way onto your lips.

“I’m banning anyone who tries to kill me today from the club,” Sunwoo suddenly announces, making everyone sigh at the dramaticness of his theatrical words. “Forever.”

“You can’t ban anyone over a game–” Haechan chimes in, but is cut off by his peer instantly.

“I will call it harassment and bullying,” Sunwoo shrugs, “try to argue with that.”

“You’re just begging to get targeted at this point,” Aeri mumbles, shaking her head at him. She’s right– but Sunwoo is also kind of confident in his defence abilities. 

Unless he gets ganged up on, of course.

Which could happen– truth be told, he’s had it coming.

“Less talking and more gaming, please,” Yangyang calls from the corner, “I wanna steal Sunwoo’s diamonds now. Turn the shit on.”

And although Sunwoo doesn’t really like the implication of his friend’s words, he doesn’t argue. Mainly because 15 minutes have already passed and the club is only supposed to go on for an hour– which leaves the 10 of them only 45 minutes left to mine and do something meaningful. The owner of the server also moved the spawn point the farthest away from his house– in hopes of them not finding it and putting TNT all over the premises. (If they manage to craft some in the limited time space, that is. He doubts it, but truth be told, he can never be too sure.)

“Okay, I sent the IP of the server into the groupchat, so just type it in and press the Play button on the left and it should take you instantly here,” Sunwoo exclaims as he clicks on his server and connects to it, walking around the spawn point with his character for a bit, waiting for the rest of his group to arrive.

Pressing the TAB key, he keeps checking the usernames of the people jumping in. Once mega_dino turns up, he lets out an amused chuckle– there’s nothing that tops the nicknames you made when you were 11. Sunwoo’s email address scares him to this day, but he is too lazy to make a new one, since all of his subscriptions and social media are tied to it– it does make sending official emails to his university coordinators that much embarrassing, though.

Some nicknames are recognisable– such as yejiiiji or haechanahceah, but some are less decipherable, leaving him guessing who could be the one joining the game. He doesn’t ask about them, though, thinking that figuring it out as he plays will be more fun– when one nickname he recognises all too well suddenly shows up on the list of players, making his heart jump in surprise.

What is his friend doing on the server at this time of the day? She doesn’t usually play in the early hours of the afternoon– leaving her sessions to evening or late night. That’s when she calls Sunwoo and asks him to help her with mining (or begging for his diamonds, which he sometimes rejects, but complies with on the days he is the most weak to her cuteness). 

He considers pulling up his phone and texting her on Discord to notify the poor girl about the influx of new players on the server. She must be confused– maybe even scared, who knows– to see so many new people playing at the same time. The server Sunwoo created was a bit small, hosting only a few of his friends and a couple of people he met online, so a big amount of players would surely make it seem like someone hacked him, right?

“Is everyone in?” he asks instead, hearing everyone let out excited hums and nods.

He furrows his brows. The server says 10 people are currently connected to it, but if his calculations are correct, the number should be 11– everyone from his club and his online best friend, sunpoodle.

He does a double take on the list, shaking his head. He counts the people in his head over and over again, a little frustrated. Why is everyone saying they’re in? It’s clearly not adding up.

Looking up from his computer, he eyes the rest of his friends in the café. Everyone is playing soundly and happily, it seems, paying him no mind as they get accustomed with the new world and warm back up to the controls of the game they haven’t played in ages. 

Everyone but one person. Everyone but you.

Instead, you’re left staring at him with stern eyes. The look you offer him is sharp, maybe a little hurt– and at the moment, he doesn’t know why. Confusion is the only feeling jumping around the walls of his brain, making an unpleasant crease appear in between his eyebrows. Gears slowly turning, he tries to figure it all out.

You’re not playing. You’re not paying attention to the game. It’s like you know it all– like you’re so familiar with it, as if playing it daily. As if you know the server he made. As if you have your house in it, decorated with a cute offering in front of the door, a portal to his own home residing in the front yard.

It happens quickly– the realisation. He finally makes the connection. It dawns on him why you look so surprised. Why you look so shocked, so disturbed. 

Because if you’re the only unmoving one on the map right now and his online friend is not the one to play on Tuesday afternoons, there is only one explanation. 

“Oh my fucking god,” leaves his lips, albeit a little involuntarily. His voice is hoarse and harsh when he says the words, a final nail in the coffin for you as you stand up, the sound of the wheels of the chair churning against the floor, making everyone’s eyes snap to you.

You don’t turn off the game before you storm out of the room, giving him a clear view of your back, the character with the adorable skin you’ve picked out staring back at him blankly in the game. For a second, he doesn’t follow you– letting himself process. Everyone turns to Aeri for answers, as she’s the closest with you, but they get nothing as the girl just shrugs, equally confused, before she runs out of the room to find her best friend.

Sunwoos' ears start ringing. He feels like throwing up. 

This can’t be…

There’s nothing more in this world that Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft. He enjoys mining with music playing in his headphones. He loves crafting and making his house look perfect– just like little him always wanted it when he watched all those videos on youtube growing up. He likes to prank his friend Juyeon by putting random dirt blocks all over his house, or stealing all of Younghoon’s sugar cane when he’s offline, too lazy to grow some himself. He likes to teleport to his friend’s house and leave little surprises at the door, only to hear her call him a few seconds later, her cheerful, yet soft voice repeating in his ears even after he turns off the game and goes to his bed, letting her stories lull him to sleep. 

There’s nothing more in this world that Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft with his online best friend– the two of them ganging up on the dragon or entering the Nether together to find some glowstone for her house, because she wants it to look aesthetically pleasing. There’s nothing more he enjoys than helping her with little tasks and fighting off creepers away from her property, making sure they don’t blow out all the hard work she’s been putting in.

There’s nothing more in the world that he enjoys more than talking with his online friend during the mundane hours of the day, her messages making him hide his giggles in the back rows of his lecture halls. Nothing he enjoys more than her laugh, her jokes, her voice, her online presence. It calms him and sets him on fire all at once, and he doesn’t think he’s ever cared for anyone this deeply. 

How has he never noticed that the person he hates the most is also the same person that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with? How has he never noticed it was you all the time?

And really, there’s nothing in the world Kim Sunwoo enjoys more than playing Minecraft with you. This time around, though, no progress in the world is made and your voice is not talking his ear off in the background. He shuts off the computer and leaves the place, not giving anyone an ounce of explanation.

You don’t text him in the evening like you always do. There’s no night call to help him sleep better.

He doesn’t turn the LED lights on in his room either, contemplating his life in complete darkness.

Nobody’s seen or heard of Kim Sunwoo in just a little under a week. Actually, that is an over-exaggeration– he went to take his exams, and he also went grocery shopping when he went out of ramen and his signature comfort food: red tasty KitKat bars– but other than that, it’s like the boy has disappeared from the face of earth.

There is no Video Gaming club, since it’s officially break time now– for only 2 weeks, but still– and he is declining every single invitation to hang out coming from his friends. He’s simply not in the mood to go anywhere or do anything, and so he spends his days locked away in his room.

Nothing is able to cut off his stream of thought. He’s not listening to music, so the occasional sounds of his roommate moving somewhere in the shared apartment are the only background noise to his loud inner voice. The elevator music usually playing in his head is replaced by a screaming match, and although he wishes it would stop, he can’t really control it– until the sound of his door opening makes him jolt away from the nightmare he’s living in.

Usually, he just tells Eric to fuck off and leave his room– since he is not in the headspace right now to spare anyone kindness, it seems– but when the disgusted face of Ji Changmin enters the place, Sunwoo knows there is no escaping this interrogation.

“Man, it stinks in here,” the boy grunts, moving through the obstacle course Sunwoo’s room has turned into in the few days he hasn’t bothered to put away his dirty laundry. 

“Go away,” Sunwoo says. It’s a weak attempt– he already knows he lost this battle.

“Yeah, no,” Changmin shakes his head before moving to the window, opening it. “Eric orders a wellness check on you, so I’m not leaving until I figure out what’s wrong. I was told you left the club early the last time?”

Sunwoo doesn’t offer him a response. All Changmin can do is guess in this situation, and trust me, although they’re best friends, sadly, they still haven’t developed telepathy– and so the conversation is a little tougher than the squirrel-like boy would prefer.

“Did something happen?”

Sunwoo recognises it’s already dark outside, the sound of cicadas landing into his ears through the open window. He doesn’t know how long he’s been glued to his mattress, but it makes him feel a little foolish. Not more than his previous actions, though– that surely takes the crown.

“I have a crush on Y/N,” Sunwoo speaks into the existence, startling the boy.

It’s weird for the boy to call you by your name in regards to his feelings. While he was so sure of his growing adoration for you when he spoke to you online, unaware of your real identity, it’s much harder to admit it to himself when the person he spent countless nights dreaming about finally turns into reality, and it’s not the form he expected. It’s confusing. It’s overwhelming– it leaves him thinking. Why did it have to be you?

“What?” Changmin asks, genuine shock and surprise coating his tone. “I thought you hated Y/N.”

The words sting like a slap to his face. He hated you. How could he ever be so reckless with his words to you? How could he be so mean? You must hate him now.

“Didn’t you have a crush on that online girl? What– I’m confused, man…” Changmin trails off, finally sitting at Sunwoo’s bed, the weight of his body making the mattress shift under the lazy man’s figure. 

“She’s the same person,” Sunwoo explains, the weight of his words making heaviness fall over the whole room, coating it with deep silence.

Changmin must think he’s foolish. He must think he is being crazy– hell, he must judge him for liking someone who once broke his heart, even though he was unaware it was the same person that made him feel so loved just by talking to him online. 

He cares about what you think more, though. Do you never wanna see him again? Do you hate him? He would hate himself, if he was you. 

Does he hate you? Does he want to see you again? Is your friendship over?

Did he lose you?

He hasn’t spoken to you in what feels like forever. Sunwoo’s throat closes on itself, making a real, visceral emotion run through his whole body and hit right in his chest, close to his heart. The corners of his eyes burn and he feels like running out of the room straight onto an ongoing traffic– he is unsettled. He feels terrible.

“Dude, are you crying?” Changmin asks with a shiteating grin on his face, pointing towards the younger one’s face. 

“No!” Sunwoo bluntly replies, voice hoarse and scratchy, harshly wiping off the tear that managed to roll down his cheek– almost slapping himself in the process. 

Changmin laughs. He laughs. Like it’s funny. Like it’s unserious and nothing is going on, like there is nothing to be worried about, and Kim Sunwoo is just being his overdramatic self, as always. Changmin laughs as if liking someone who once broke your friend’s heart is silly and not a big deal. As if not recognising someone you like online in real life is a normal experience, and not completely embarrassing– as if being mean to the same person you claim to adore is fine, and nothing to hate yourself over.

Sunwoo is conflicted. Talk about cognitive dissonance.

“Why are you laughing? It’s not funny,” Sunwoo pouts, the familiar wrinkle appearing in the middle of his eyebrows again, making his friend roll his eyes at the boy’s distress.

Changmin sighs. “It kinda is, if you think about it,” he shrugs, “you claim to hate Y/N, but turns out you’ve been in love with her all along…”

“You’re really not helping.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Changmin snickers. “I think this makes it easier for you. I know you were nervous about meeting her in real life, so this kind of takes off the pressure, since you already know each other.”

Sunwoo looks at his friend like he’s crazy. Does he not get the full weight of the situation? Does he not realise how serious this all is?

“What are you even talking about? Do you not hate me?” Sunwoo asks.

“Me?” Changmin asks, his head turning to the side like a confused puppy’s. “I don’t think I’m the person you need to worry about– although I’m sure you worry plenty– why would I hate you for liking Y/N?”

“Because she is your ex-girlfriend?” Sunwoo mumbles, twisting in his bed to have a better look at his friend. 

He is met with a few seconds of silence. He is starting to think his whole life is a joke and he is in some sort of a weird knock-off of the Truman show. How can you and Changmin both have the same reaction to his undying loyalty? He is being taken for granted, that’s for sure.

“You utter buffoon, that was ages ago! I honestly forget we even dated sometimes, it was so short-lived,” Changmin laughs before he rests his back against the wall of Sunwoo’s room, getting more comfortable in his new position. He knows the conversation isn’t over yet– there is more on the boy’s mind than the past relationship.

“Oh,” Sunwoo hums. 

“Yeah, oh,” Changmin laughs. “I honestly thought there was more to your hate towards Y/N, but I never really asked because I thought it was some gamer stuff or something that I couldn’t give two shits about. If I had known it was all because of my relationship from high school, I would’ve set the record straight a long time ago.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve.”

Sunwoo feels defeated. Like a deflated balloon. The weight on his shoulders stays the same despite the newfound information– because truth be told, this was never the problem in the first place.

And he is aware of that. Changmin is as well– he knows his best friend a little too much.

“But that’s not all there is to it, is it?” Changmin hums, poking the boy’s side with his long finger, burying it into his hoodie-covered flesh.

Sunwoo’s averted gaze and the chewing on the inside of his cheek is enough of an answer. “What is it?”

“It’s just… I don’t know how to feel about Y/N anymore,” Sunwoo confesses, snickering to himself. “Like, online, she was this perfect angel, like– don’t laugh at me now, you know I’m fucking sensitive– she was just… she was everything, you know?”

Changmin hums. “And in real life?”

“In real life, we were never really close and I hated her. How can I like someone I so strongly dislike in real life? It’s stupid…”

“You only hated what she did to me when we were teenagers, Sunwoo. You made yourself loathe something that wasn’t even there,” Changmin says, smiling sympathetically at the boy. “Do you think she is suddenly a different person to the one you got to know online just because she made a few mistakes when we were young?”

“I dunno…”

“I think you do know, you’re just scared to admit it to yourself, because you know you were a dick to her,” his best friend bluntly announces, watching Sunwoo wince at the words. Truth hurts– but it’s what he needs to hear. Because Changmin’s right, and Sunwoo is too tired of keeping all of these doubts hidden.

“Changmin, I can’t like her–”

“Why?” the boy cuts him off. “Because you said so? You were so big on saying how much you loved her for who she is, without knowing her in real life and knowing what she looked like. And sure, I made fun of you for it countless times before– but don’t you think you know her well enough by now? And don’t try to tell me you don’t know her just because you met online, because you know you’d be a fucking hypocrite.”

“But it’s Y/N.”

“Does that make any difference?”

Sunwoo moves from the inside of his cheek to bite at the dry skin of his lower lip. After tugging at the chapped mess, he feels iron on his tongue from tearing off a piece of his skin, eyes still pressed sternly into the ceiling. 

Does it make any difference? Does Sunwoo like you less now that he knows who you are? It was never about the looks for him– and god knows he barely even knew you in real life. Saying he wasn’t interested anymore would make him a hypocrite. 

Every time he thinks of the night talks you two shared and the secrets you’d tell him, trusting him with anything and everything, his heart still stummers in his chest and his stomach does that weird thing everyone in the romantic movies his roommate Eric watches talks about– but now, the girl has a face and a voice, and Sunwoo can’t say he hates it. He can’t say he hates you.

“I guess it doesn’t,” Sunwoo whispers, saying the obvious.

He still wants you. Just the way you are. Sure, he was shocked– anyone would be– but the feelings he has for you are still the same; it’s just the hate that slowly left his body, disappearing like the puddles of rain on the pavement on a sunny day. 

He can’t hate someone so important to him. How foolish of him to once think you were the bane of his existence.

“So why don’t you two just talk it out?” Changmin asks, pointing out the obvious.

Sunwoo plays with the skin around his cuticles for a while, nervously picking at the loose skin and making himself bleed once again, the nerves getting the worst out of him. “I think I’m a little scared.”

“So I was right. You’re scared she will push you away because you were a dick to her all those times before,” Changmin once again states the obvious.

“Basically,” Sunwoo says, his insecurities slowly slipping through his mouth and out to the wild, hanging in the air. “As much as my feelings didn’t change, I think hers might have. And that’s… that’s scary.”

In Sunwoo’s eyes, what you and he had together was special. He never wanted to lose you to something like this– over spite, a foolish lack of judgement. The thought of never talking to you again is making his insides crash on themselves, guilt slowly, but surely eating him alive. The best thing that’s ever happened to him might be royally fucked over, and there is no one else he can blame but himself.

“Well, you don’t know that. And although I know you might be too scared to find out, you two both need to have a talk. Don’t you think you owe each other that much?”

Changmin’s right. He almost always is– he doesn’t know why Sunwoo ever thought the older one needed protecting. Like a pouty child, Kim Sunwoo is comforted by his best friend’s words, maybe even a little scolded and enlightened by the dimpled boy. The appreciation in his heart almost outgrows the worry, but there is still a you-shaped hole in his chest that he feels the need to fill– only if you allow him to.

He didn’t expect for it to end up being you, but he doesn’t hate the idea. 

He’s not opposed to it. He welcomes it, because 

It’s still the same you. In whatever form, in whatever shape– he knows your soul, and he fears nothing will ever take away and move the feelings he treasures for you to another place, to some other.

They’re reserved for you only. (Also, he always thought your cunning smile was nice to look at. He just tried to suppress the idea of it deep, deep within his mind.)

“We were supposed to meet tomorrow,” Sunwoo hums, “I’ll see if she… still wants to come.”

Changmin smiles. “I knew you were smarter than this.” 

The backhanded compliment would rile him up on most occasions– this time, though, he knows it’s deserved.

One would say Kim Sunwoo didn’t think much before going up to the new café that opened downtown the week after exams, just like you two scheduled. Why?

First of all, he didn’t really check in with you to see if the offer is still up and if you want to meet him after all of this. Second of all, he turned up almost 35 minutes too early, since he was so nervous pacing around his flat that he physically couldn’t stay in the closed space anymore, and third of all, he’s fairly certain he put two different socks on when he was dressing himself, and after further inspection by the front door of the coffee place, pulling his jeans up to take a look, he finds out his suspicions were correct.

The thing is, though, against popular belief, Kim Sunwoo thought almost a little too much before going to the scheduled hangout. He thought about it the whole night before– and the whole previous week, if he’s being honest. He thought about it so much it consumed his every waking thought, leaving him all over the place, distracted and distressed. On most occasions, Eric had to ask a question five times before he was heard by his dear roommate, and if he wanted a real answer out of him, he had to gentle parent him through the conversation.

Sunwoo thought about it so much up to the point that you were all that was in his head. You and your last conversations on Discord which he spent the whole week rereading, you and your house in Minecraft that was left untouched since the last time you two played together (he checked). You and your laugh and the gentle, soft voice you only used with him on your calls– the voice that lulled him to sleep and make him feel butterflies in his stomach, unrecognisable to the hardened tone you used with him whenever you met up in real life when the conflicts he used to stir got the best out of you.

You and your cunning smile. You and your piercing, playful gaze. You and your hair that always kept falling into your face when you were crouched over the keyboard. It’s almost laughable how much he managed to pay attention to you in real life before knowing you were the same person he spent months adoring over the internet– the universe really works in strange ways sometimes.

So really, Kim Sunwoo has thought a lot about you and you two meeting before actually leaving the house; which could also very well be the reason why he didn’t text you to see if you still want to see him in the first place– in fear of being declined, in fear of being rejected by the only person he so deeply craves the validation from.

If you don’t show up, he will just go home and pretend none of this ever happened.

(Or at least he hopes he can.)

The more time he spends standing in front of the coffee shop, though, the more his hope of ever seeing you again gets smaller and smaller. Minutes are slowly passing him by like last summer, and he swears he’s never felt the passing of time more than right in this moment. He feels like he is gaining 5 years every 5 minutes that he’s standing in the middle of the pavement– the clock striking well past 20 minutes of when you were supposed to meet.

He will give it 10 more minutes, he thinks. 20, at most. Maybe he can wait an hour. Maybe you got stuck in the traffic. Maybe you got confused with the time…

Or maybe you’re just not coming, and he has to accept that.

Kicking the rocks under his feet while also trying to get out of the way of people walking past, he puts his hands deep into his pockets. He would rather die than to embarrass himself in front of you by texting you, and so he figures that if he just waits a few more minutes, God will surely give him a sign of when to stop holding back his tears and go back home…

“You look like a kicked puppy,” a voice– teasing, yet also a bit cautious– falls into his ears, making him perk up and look behind his shoulder. God must really love him today, he thinks.

No words escape his mouth for the time being. His brain goes short circuit a little at the sight of you– and in that moment he fully realises that he didn’t actually expect you to come, and that makes him feel even worse about himself. Relief washes over him like a wave of tsunami, the surprised look adorning Sunwoo’s face disappearing in seconds as he tries to manage his racing heartbeat.

“You came,” slips out from between his lips, making the boy immensely embarrassed with his choice of words. 

“I did,” you nod, pressing your lips tightly against each other, an awkward half-smile doing nothing to calm down Sunwoo’s nerves. “I figured you either come and we figure this out, or you don’t and I get something to treat myself to chase down the disappointment.”

You’d be disappointed if he didn’t come. Just the sentiment makes Sunwoo’s heart do backflips in his ribcage– how could he ever think he hated you? 

“Kind of same, actually,” he replies, nodding.

An awkward silence falls over you two like a weighted blanket, making Sunwoo’s stomach churn in discomfort. This is not how he imagined your first meeting to be– but then again, it’s not like he is meeting his online best friend (if he can even call you that anymore) for the first time. He tries to find the memory of your first meeting somewhere in the depths of his mind, but much to his dismay, he is left unsuccessful. He never really deemed it that important before– curse him and his reckless teenage mind.

“Uhm,” you hum, scratching the back of your neck, “I was… the bus was late, by the way. I didn’t purposefully let you wait to like, get back at you or something,” you suddenly explain, your lips stretching into a sympathetic smile.

The explanation doesn’t matter to him anymore. He doesn’t care if you came 20 minutes late and if you took the bus or if you built a portal in the back rooms of the very café you’re supposed to enter in a few minutes– all that matters is that you came and that you’re here, right in front of Sunwoo’s eyes, and you’re not pulling out a machete or an axe on him as a revenge for all the times he acted wrongly towards you in the past.

“Oh, no worries,” he hums almost immediately, “you’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” he nods. 

After another shared, prolonged look between the two of you– one in which he scans you up and down, as if actually seeing you for the first time (and noticing the switch in your usual attire: you exchanged your cargo pants for a skirt, something more fancy, yet telling), a look in which he gets all red in his cheeks, wondering if you noticed the way he did his hair differently today, just to appeal to you– he clears his throat and takes a step towards the café, opening the door for you like the gentleman he tries to be today. “Let’s go in, then!”

You follow his lead, entering the small, yet cozy place. The cold weather outside makes a good contrast with the heating of the café, and when Sunwoo takes a look at the board above the counter, he finds a seasonal menu welcoming him in with a big bear hug. Hot chocolate is just what he needs after all of this, and he won’t deny himself the pleasure of one now.

“Hot choccy?” you ask, smiling softly at the silent figure standing next to you. Sunwoo is caught off-guard with your suggestion and the gentle curve of your lips just the same, warmth spreading to the inside of his heart at the realisation that you know him so well. It’s her. It’s really her, he gasps in disbelief.

“Want one as well?” he asks after nodding, watching you shrug. He takes that as a yes, and since he thinks he did a lot of damage over the course of your friendship, he takes the lead and pays for your drink to try and make up for it– which you don’t fight him over, and he doesn’t find it in him to care. Actually, he thinks he kind of appreciates it. 

After taking a seat in one of the booths in the corner– the cream sofa hugs him in just well, and Sunwoo thinks he might just give this place a 5 star review on Yelp, depending on the way this date- I mean… friendly gathering goes– he is met with another excruciating, suffocating silence. He never really had much trouble talking to you before– surely not online, but also not whenever you were around in real life settings as well, since he always found a way to tease you and make fun of you, giving you most of his undivided attention– but this time around, he thinks keeping up a conversation with you might just be the hardest thing he’s ever had to experience. 

You make him nervous. You make him doubtful. If he wondered about how you’d perceive him after meeting him before knowing you two were acquainted already, he is wondering even more now– do you hate him? Do you wish he wasn’t the one sitting opposite of you right now? Do you want to leave and never talk to him again?

Is he good enough? Does he live up to the expectations– if you even had any?

All previous hatred towards you disappears as fast as a click of your finger, and Kim Sunwoo is left breathless at the fact that you’re right there, in front of him– his online best friend. He thinks he might have still liked you even if you turned out to be a mass murderer. He thinks he might have still liked you even if you were a 50 year old male in a disguise. He thinks the bond you two have built over the internet is much stronger than any mean comments he threw your way before– and the only thing left is to hope you feel the same.

Opening his mouth to speak, he thinks it’s time to have that conversation.

“Listen, I–”

“Were you disappointed that it was me?” you cut him off suddenly, fast as lightning– as if to hurry to get the question out before you chicken out of it.

Sunwoo is left staring at you open-mouthed, shocked. There was not a single minute of his existence where he’d feel disappointed with your identity. The thought never even crossed his brain once, and suddenly, he feels stupid. 

He left you hanging for a whole week– all because he thought you’d hate him. He left you wondering in silence, doubting yourself and thinking you’re not who he would’ve liked– all because of his own insecurities. Why has he not thought of your side of things as well?

“No,” he simply states, watching your face morph into a more relaxed one, eyes softening. “Not at all, no,” he shakes his head.

“I just– it’s…”

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” Sunwoo utters out. You press your lips together, listening. “Was I surprised? Mhm. Shocked? Yeah, of course I was… but no, I was never disappointed that it turned out to be you. Not for a single moment.”

“I thought you hated me,” you note, chuckling. The words sting on Sunwoo’s skin, but he figures he’s not the one to be hurt right now– and so he sucks it up and hums.

“I was being petty,” he agrees. “And childish. Nothing to be so passionate about as I was,” he admits, forcefully laughing at his own actions. “Nothing to throw away everything we… nothing to throw away the friendship that means so much to me.”

The sincerity of his own words scares him. There is a quiet desperation in him that wants to prove to you that he’s not as bad as he presented himself to be. There is a need in him to fix everything he ruined, to show you that he’s the same Sunwoo you know from the internet, and that all of this is worth it. 

“And I’m sorry, just… just by the way.”

Sunwoo never thought he’d be left apologizing to you– but here he is. Maybe this whole thing taught him something– maybe you taught him something. 

“Ah,” you shrug. “It’s okay. I mean, it was kind of fun watching you be so pressed about nothing, but I’m glad it’s resolved now,” you laugh.

You laugh, and the atmosphere immediately clears. Sunwoo feels like he can breathe lighter, like the cold isn’t so overbearing outside, like he hadn’t just spent the last week locked in his room, contemplating the point of living at all. He didn’t think it would be this easy… 

Something inside of him truly believed he lost you for good. 

“I mean, you were the one that ran out of the internet café without an explanation–”

“You cursed me out!” you argue, kicking his shin lightly under the table.

The boy fakes offense, pointing his finger at you. “That wasn’t directed at you! Just the situation in general.”

“That includes me,” you add.

“Sure, but still– I was just surprised. I really didn’t expect my online best friend to be sitting in the same room as me every week, that’s for sure,” he says, watching as your eyes light up at the title, a cute smile overtaking your features.

“I also didn’t expect you to ghost me for a full week after,” you add, shrugging. “You’re usually so desperate for attention,” you hum, making the boy’s cheeks heat up like a furnace, eyes averting your gaze at all costs. Now, this surely wasn’t on the list of things he wanted to discuss with you today.

Clearing his throat, he makes eye contact with his mug instead, desperately trying to shift the topic of the conversation. “Drink it, it’s getting cold…”

“Sure… Whatever you say, Steve,” you tease. When he looks up at you from under his eyelashes, there’s the same cunning smile on your face that he watched all those times when you won against him at League of Legends– the same smile that used to always drive him crazy, but he now recognises that he translated the implications of his insanity all wrong (because he thinks that maybe somewhere deep inside of his romantic, rotten soul, he might have known all along)– and he wonders if this was the smile you always wore when you made fun of him for falling asleep on the call with you again, the boy using your soft, sleepy voice as a lullaby. 

Sunwoo almost chokes on his drink, pointing an accusing finger at you. “Speaking of,” he starts, “the kids miss you. Go and feed them, miss,” he says, watching you roll your eyes at him. The dogs you co-parent with him in Minecraft  have been sitting near your front door ever since you last logged out, and even though coming to your house felt like an emotional torture in the time you were gone, Sunwoo always managed to feed them like he would with a real animal.

Call him childish, for all he cares. 

“Okay, damn,” you say, rolling your eyes at him. “You only say that because you want me to finally move our beds together, don’t you?” you tease him, referencing the little offering he made for you months ago– the one that’s still secure outside of your house despite many of its renovations.

Sunwoo almost chokes on his drink again. You grin at him– a sight that makes his insides feel like they were threaded with gold. He swears hot chocolate has never felt so sweet before. 

If he wasn’t sure of it before, he’s fairly certain now– you can fall for someone over the internet. And yes, the crush translates to its full form after meeting them in person.

“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it…” he mumbles, not really quick enough to come up with a good comeback now that he’s face to face with you, making you giggle cutely at his sudden shyness. This is not how you know Kim Sunwoo– the sheepish composure is so far of the boy you met online, but also the one that ridiculed you during a casual game of CS:GO weeks ago.

“I’ll decide if it’s worth it after you show me the lights you’ve been talking my ear off about,” you say– and he thinks he won. Because this is an invitation to his room– an invitation for further hangouts. If you keep flirting with him like this, Sunwoo thinks he might just combust.

There is only one problem, though.

“About the lights…”

BONUS // A YEAR LATER

If you would’ve told Kim Sunwoo that he will end up in a long distance relationship only a bit more than a year ago, he would’ve believed you. See, he’s a stranger to denial– he is quite good at accepting his own feelings for what they were, inwardly, at least– and so he was fairly certain he was in love with his online best friend even before he had a chance to meet her. Somewhere along the line, given the fact that his feelings would be reciprocated, he imagined going further with the establishment, no matter how far or close in distance you were from each other.

Turns out, life is funny in many ways and his online best friend, the proclaimed love of his life, lived just around the corner with her roommate Aeri. She still doesn’t like him that much, but Sunwoo puts effort into visiting his girlfriend at her place often, in hopes that her best friend finally warms up to him a little– he thinks it’s almost like approaching a stray cat. The Sylvanian families shrine the two girls hold in their living room is also fascinating to him– he didn’t think someone with a stern look like Aeri’s could stare at something so adorable and small so lovingly.

“Sunwoo, once again, we are not in a long distance relationship,” you say over the speakers of his sister’s laptop that he borrowed just so he could call with you, making him mourn into the poor-quality microphone. 

“We are! You’re so far away right now, how can you justify it not being a long distance relationship?” 

“We literally saw each other a week ago,” you deadpan, “and we will see each other again after we come back to uni, you moron.”

See, Sunwoo’s definition of a long distance relationship is a bit warped. As long as you’re not in the same town as him, he considers you too far away– and in any other circumstance, you would find it cute (bless his heart), but when you’re trying to enjoy your break with your family that you haven’t seen in a while, it’s becoming just the tiniest bit overbearing.

“That’s too long.”

“You’re being a baby,” you grunt, making your boyfriend pout at the other side of the call, seen by his web camera. You were against turning your own on, but were forced to nonetheless– Sunwoo’s ‘I need to see your face or else I’ll die’ was too convincing not to. You know he won’t, but at the same time, the poor boy could turn a little manic at times– you had to make sure he will survive until your next meeting.

“God, a man can’t even miss his long distance girlfriend in peace–”

“I am not your long distance girlfriend. We’re literally only like 4 hours away from each other right now, that’s not even–”

“If you think about it,” Sunwoo cuts you off, making you sigh. “It’s like we’re back to square one. Y’know, before we started dating.”

“Not really…?” you try to argue with him, planning to point out the fact that back then, you used to call on Discord and not Whatsapp, with no camera on and using fake names, but the boy cuts you off fast, knowing that you’re right and he just can’t let you have the point.

“I miss your kisses, that’s all.”

Still hung up on the previous comment, you sigh. “We weren’t even kissing back then, Sunwoo.”

The boy stares at you for a second, blinking, before he breaks out into a huge grin. “Well, maybe not you. Me, however, I was kissing the screen everytime your character showed up–”

“I’m going to end the call,” you warn him. Why are you even dating him? He has a bitchless loser energy– maybe you should let him live up to it.

“No no no– okay, I’ll be normal.”

“I find that hard to believe,” you sigh.

If you would’ve told Kim Sunwoo that he will end up in a long distance relationship only a bit more than a year ago, he would’ve believed you. After seeing the little heart shaped altar in front of your house in Minecraft every time he plays– your beds now stuck together, making him sense that he finally made it– he truly wouldn’t find this accusation hard to believe.

Truth be told, though, he’s much happier with having a normal relationship with you.

One where he gets to hold you, one where he gets to kiss you. One where you finally come over and he gets to impress you with the LED strip he finally got off a proper electronic place instead of a cheap online store, investing money into the device he gets to use behind the locked doors of his room for atmospheric purposes whenever you two–

Anyways. 

Maybe Changmin was right and he was always being just too overly-dramatic. He was also right when he accused Sunwoo of having a huge crush on you online, after all. 

Still, Sunwoo wouldn’t change it for anything. Despite the history you share, he actually thinks you’re pretty fucking cute.

And real. And his. 

And thankfully, not a thousand miles away. (Although it may feel like it right now.)

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> yeowoosan x reader warning(s) -> mentions of abuse words -> 1.1K

I’ve never considered owning hybrids. 

I've always thought that they deserved to be free, and treated like people. Unfortunately in this state of politics it won't happen anytime soon.

Even then, the three hybrids who now live with me, almost seem like they wouldn’t operate on their own.

San… my pretty panther.

He's always been bad at leaving the apartment. When he does, he wears headphones. One's specialized for hybrids to cancel out noise. He can’t handle crowded places, sounds of screams happiness, or fear, or simple everyday noises like bells. You never notice how common it is until you have a hybrid flinch and grip you so hard it causes skin and clothes to rip. 

He’s exotic… and pretty but so so damaged. 

He’s never wanted to sit down and talk to me about what it was like nor do I ever expect him to. He wants to forget… he’s cried out how he wishes he could forget.

If only I could grant that wish to him. On his month anniversary, – when it was only me and Wooyoung by his side – he asked if we could go to the park. 

He loves watching TV. He also finds the sappy movies where you go to scenic places and just… soak it in. San couldn’t do that. That day a kid approached us and asked to touch San, but he wasn’t good with touch either. He flinches… so Wooyoung distracted the kid after they pull San’s tail. Innocent curiosity… kids don’t understand what no means when they are so young. 

After that day he locked himself in his room. 

He hates the outside world. Filled with cruel people and reminders of his past. 

It's a miracle he trusts me as much as he does. I once wanted to take him to a restaurant… but the door had a bell chime. It made him freeze until I commanded him and we went home. 

He will wait for a command and it's necessary to snap him out of it. 

Kun wanted him to continue therapy but he’s still not used to it. Shortly maybe? Whether that's in a year or two or maybe never. 

Despite how damaged he is, he’s truly an amazing person. He’s sensitive and caring… he’s beautiful. 

He cares so much about me, about Wooyoung, even the newest addition of Yeosang.

He always makes sure I'm not overworking with my book when I lose track of the hours. Whilst he makes sure to reassure Wooyoung with praises and sweet nothings everyday. Even Yeosang, he helps him with his traumas… assures him that he has them and that he isn't alone. 

Sannie, my first hybrid and I'd do everything to have him in my life – to be in his heart all over again.

“May this be the first life of many I live with you, you’re my reason to continue living”

Wooyoung… a sweet hyperactive fox.

He could go on for hours and hours doing any activity as long as he was having fun or with any three of us who joined him. 

He isn’t good at leaving the apartment either.

As much as he denies it he's still scared of me abandoning him one day. So when he does go out with me he's always glued to my side. Holding my hand or simply looping our arms.

He also feels the need to “make himself useful” since his previous owners had him do chores and cook for them since they were expecting a baby and were busy. 

His stress also gets him which is obvious because of how clingy he becomes and even picks at his own fur. His mind was constantly working and overthinking and I had to get used to praising him and reassuring him how much I loved him. 

It wasn’t hard but it hurt to know he needed constant reassurance to understand he’s loved by not only me but also to make sure he isn't a burden to San or Yeosang. 

He has a very bad mental health… one which will make him experience very long or even very short depressive episodes. 

In those days I spend most of my time in his room trying to offer him comfort. Sometimes we stay in silence or we’ll talk about nothing important for hours until we sleep in each other's arms. 

I owed Wooyoung a lot… he was there for me when I was in school and when my parents weren’t necessarily present in my life. He was there… he was always there and it's the least I could do for him. 

I’d be by his side for as long as he wants me. 

“I’ve loved you like it was love at first sight! My dream became a reality and I'm not ready to ever wake up”

Yeosang… my protective doberman.

I always found it interesting how my friends thought that San was the most protective and even though he is, San was a sweetheart. While Yeosang was intimidating. He hates the socialite life… in return doesn’t trust my friends. He also hates leaving the apartment, claiming it's his safe haven and always with his silly little nickname… angel. 

Claiming that's what I was… someone who saved him from his life in hell. Brought him back up, made him smile, and forgave him for his sins. He hates being reminded of his past… it's known that I had him and people will sometimes send me emails and texts to ask him for photoshoots. 

He, however, wanted to live a life of peace away from the media and the sins that others committed. 

He hates the attention, the photos, the videos, the whispers, and the gossip when he does come out with me. He’s a dog hybrid… he has good sight, good hearing… and good smell. He could tell when they gossiped about his prostitution background and even said horrid things. Not like he’d ever tell me what they said since… he didn’t want to make me sad or angry. He endured a lot… but he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. She was gone… and she’s never had a chance to get close to him again. 

If he saw me as his guardian angel, I’d act like it. I’d protect him with my life. 

“Why would I ever leave when I’m in paradise? Out there is hell, in here I have an angel looking over me” 

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

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[somegrumpynerd]

HEY. POINTS FINGER… any thoughts on how everyone reacted when the other joined the team? as in how did killer react when dust came, how did he and dust react when horror came, how did they all react when cross came, etc. i love love LOVE your bad sanses thoughts way too much they make me so happy. if i write hurt you write comfort and it’s awesome. also how do you think they slowly started to get closer? just.. bah give me your thoughts on them!!!! any thoughts!!!!!!!!!

You fool!! You’ve given me a chance to ramble about my special little guys and now this post will stretch on forever!! Mwahahahahah >:3c

No but seriously this is probably gonna be wicked long cause I have 1 million thoughts about these guys joining and meeting each other so uh, readmore for everybody’s safety and sanity

(^ I wrote that in the document before I started typing out my actual thoughts and uh

yeah no kidding, this is like a fucking essay so proceed with caution)

OKAY SO

I’ve said before that Nightmare got Dust for two reasons; one being that Dream had just recently started working with Ink (and soon Blue) so he and Killer were no longer able to gang up on Dream. He wanted somebody else to bulk up their numbers and give Killer a little back up. He also was starting to realise that Killer didn’t handle being alone very well, since this was when he most often got worked up and broke things around the castle (and sometimes tipped over into stage 3). Dust would be a perfect fit since he had the same amount of lvl and fighting experience as Killer, and since they were so close in circumstance they would be practically like brothers right?

The irony that he thought this about a guy he was recruiting to help kill his brother was apparently lost on him.

They absolutely hated each other. Like, it was instant. Killer saw him as a replacement, why would boss go out and get another sans - one with almost the same backstory as me - when I’m right here? Does he think I’m not good enough? Am I disposable and this is the backup for when I die in combat? He didn’t take it well. He took it all out on Dust too, not cooperating in battle, trying to start fights in the castle, etc. He couldn’t outright kill him because Nightmare had given him strict orders not to, but Killer loves a loophole. If he roughed Dust up down to 1hp and something else happened to finish him off, technically he’d followed orders.

Dust just straight up didn’t want to be there. Nightmare just showing up and yoinking him had worked fine with Killer, but Dust had wanted to sit in his empty au and die, he had no intention of joining a team or doing work of any kind - good or bad. The only reason he didn’t just lie down and refuse the entire time was that he had to fight back against Killer, as much as he wanted to die he refused to give this ass the satisfaction or lvl. He didn’t intend to be any help out in the field either, but again, Killer was making sure he got fired at so he had to retaliate to stay alive.

Eventually it got bad enough that Nightmare had to pull Killer aside and demand answers. In the year or so of knowing him Killer had never willfully disobeyed orders before, so Nightmare needed to know what had gotten into him. He dispelled the replacement rumour right away, he still wasn’t quite softened up enough to be sappy about it but he made sure Killer understood what a good worker he was and that Nightmare had no intention of losing him. It didn’t help a lot, they still hated each other for other reasons, but it eased a little.

Killer still had pretty frequent dips into stage 3, except now he would go straight for Dust usually. Nightmare had tried to explain what he’d learned about it to Dust, but he didn’t really believe that it wasn’t just Killer deciding to try and kill him for funsies. He only accepted it after a particular episode where he attacked Nightmare instead, which Dust knew Killer wouldn’t try in his right mind.

After he came back to his senses he sought Dust out. The air around Killer was very different after a stage 3, sort of sombre and almost calm, so Dust let them sit together and Killer apologised for giving him such a hard time. They actually talked for the first time in months while Killer was still calm (or tolerable, as Dust describes it), and it didn’t magically fix everything but, things were a little better. They still fought and argued and bothered each other but it wasn’t as sharp, there was a lack of real murderous intent in it all, and sometimes after an episode they would talk a little bit. It was the best Nightmare was going to get for now, so he took it.

They were still completely incompetent about taking care of themselves though. Neither of them would eat unless prompted and Nightmare didn’t have good enough knowledge of mortals to know when that should be to stop them passing out from hunger on the job. Not to mention the stars were now a full team, and with the way Killer and Dust would sometimes rather target each other on the field he could do with more backup.

Horror was the first of the group to get a choice in joining. Nightmare had taken note of how much Dust didn’t want to be part of things, and while it was in his best interests in the long run given his situation, Horror’s au was still mostly intact - though a little in disrepair. Horror was also the first in the group to have a good (and ongoing) relationship with his brother, so Nightmare knew he couldn’t just pop in and steal him, he had to be a bit more diplomatic with this one and offer a deal.

He gave Horror some time to think on his proposal - he would set up regular deliveries of food to Horror’s au in exchange for him joining their team - and was quite surprised when Horror agreed, with some stipulations. Horror was equally surprised when Nightmare agreed so easily to his terms (that he didn’t want his brother to know what he’d be doing, and that he wouldn’t kill). A little down the line the terms were altered to add that he would also be left to visit his au every week or so.

Horror was not impressed meeting the other two. He didn’t need his power as judge anymore to sense the lvl coming off them both, and given who they were working for he was instantly distrustful of them both (the uh, brother situation did not help). He was also in a place that had an abundance of food for the first time in probably years, so he was doing a lot of going hog wild in the kitchen and then getting very sick as a result.

Dust didn’t particularly feel anything for him. This guy hated him, sure, but it wasn’t forward and slashy like with Killer, it was just quiet loathing which was fine. That’s how Dust felt about himself so, y’know, mood. He did kind of feel sorry for him though, not just because of the whole famine and everything, but also because he was watching this guy eat like his life depended on it and then get sick and undo it day after day. He was the one who suggested Horror getting his food in moderation to Nightmare, which did help but was an absolute ordeal to enforce. Y’know how some people get hangry? Imagine that but you haven’t had a proper meal in years and now these people give you tiny amounts of food and don’t let you eat more for hours. The hunger mood swings were a sight to behold, you would never have guessed in those days that Horror specified not wanting to kill.

When his ability to eat had evened out and he was in better shape, Horror made a point of apologising to Dust for being aggressive with him. Over time he’d kind of softened up on him from his initial impression, since he could see plainly how wracked with guilt Dust was over his situation. It was a little easier to imagine that whatever he’d done was truly out of desperation and not just for fun, as Horror had assumed at first sight. 

They also both retained that classic sans laziness, so it was easy for them to share a space while saying and doing nothing. It made Horror the first person that Dust willingly spent time around in the castle (and vice versa since Horror was still largely suspicious of Nightmare and Killer - the deal seemed too good to be true and the stage 3 episodes didn’t help). As time went on, Horror kind of became Dust’s emotional support skeleton in a way. Dust had become quite averse to touch in his solitude and Horror very slowly brought him back out with casual gentle touches, until not only did he no longer freeze or stiffen at being grabbed but Dust would seek him out to flop next to on the couch. Horror claimed it was just returning the favour for helping with his eating situation, but really it was nice to have something resembling a friend here.

Killer, for his part, was going through This is My Replacement 2: Electric Boogaloo. Not to the same degree as with Dust, since Horror was quite a bit different, but Killer was still wary of this new addition. He didn’t really instigate anything though since, to be honest, Horror had the intimidation factor. He was like a foot taller than both of them, he had a cracked skull and completely different magic and it seemed like every time Killer saw him he was eating bread like a wolf eats a deer. So while he was going through his food moderating, Killer mostly just stayed quiet and kept his distance.

Horror had not softened on him like he had with Dust, since Killer didn’t openly show remorse. He still watched him with distrust, especially after seeing the way he scrapped with Dust for seemingly no reason other than for violence’s sake. Killer was still mostly targeting Dust in his stage 3s, but Horror had to be careful to stay out of his way since he was still working with much lower hp than the other two. What did start to convince him was seeing how similar Killer and Dust were after a stage 3 episode. Once Killer was slightly more composed (ie stopped crying), he became so tired and quiet and blunt about things he normally joked his way around. It was a little startling, but also started to bring Horror around to the idea that Killer might regret his actions too, just buried under several layers of whatever the hell is also wrong with him at any given time.

Killer and Horror only really started interacting after talking about Dust. Killer was asking how he got Dust to like him since he seems to hate everyone and everything else, Horror told him very pointedly it was because he wasn’t trying to kill Dust. Killer admitted he wasn’t trying to kill Dust, at least not anymore, he just wanted to fight for fun. It opened up a better channel of understanding, knowing that Killer did not actually have murderous intent behind his swings (stage 3 notwithstanding). It made it easier for Horror to occasionally get involved in the roughhousing which Killer delighted in, knowing that the other two knew how to hold back enough to keep him from dusting.

Speaking of stage 3, it was around this time that Killer and Dust made a very important deal. After a particularly rough episode with a little too close of a call, Killer showed up in Dust’s room and begged him shakily to make a promise - that if he ever got too out of control during one of his stages, Dust would kill him. He’d been told over and over by Nightmare that it was impossible for Killer to hurt him since he was immortal, but now there were more people around him where that wasn’t the case, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he came out of a stage and found himself alone. Dust promised.

It’s also worth mentioning that, once they were all close enough to be on speaking terms, Horror started bullying the shit out of these two about eating. Now that Horror knew neither of them were going to kill him, he felt safe enough to pick them up by the scruff and set them at the table to say they weren’t leaving until they had at least a snack. He let them pick what they would eat - he wasn’t that cruel about it - but he had to see them eat at least 3 times a day or they would hear about it.

It was by no means perfect or regular, but after about half a year Nightmare finally had henchmen who ate food and worked together (mostly).

Now here’s the problem… I still haven’t really figured out how or why Cross joined the team. Like, obviously there’s some kind of point in the events of underverse where it splits off into an alternate timeline, but I haven’t really figured out where yet so. Leave that one with me just a little longer. Cross joins.

Nightmare really truly didn’t intend to take anyone else in. They were (mostly) getting along, they were pretty well matched to fight the stars, he had no need of more mortals.

…but he was also pretty soft at this point. Every one of them had taken a blow to his I’m immortal I’m an island I don’t get attached to others persona and he’d gotten pretty damn fond of them all. This was why when he felt the sheer weight of loneliness radiating off of Cross, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave him.

So Cross entered the castle. 

He did not particularly intend to stay or make friends, he was trying to get his world back and nothing more. He even revealed a little down the line that he outright refused to kill, and was quite surprised to find that Nightmare was fine with that. At the start he was polite but not friendly with the others and mostly kept to himself.

Dust, as is often the case, did not really have an opinion. Another new guy, this one was self sufficient and didn’t bother him so he had no reason to get involved. He was content to be in the same room as Cross but didn’t start up any conversations.

Horror felt the need to speak to Cross, since Dust would happily stay silent for years and Killer was, well, Killer. Horror was somehow the closest thing to normal they had, so he was the one that made small talk. Mostly asking what Cross would like for meals and encouraging him to pick something he liked when he got the answer of “anything is fine”. As Cross settled in a bit more and actually opened up, they bonded over being the only two to enjoy food. Horror made a point of adding chocolate to the stock they kept in the kitchen and making tacos here and there for Cross.

Horror was also the first Cross kind of warmed to, mostly because he was the one devoid of lvl and Nightmare had mentioned he’d also said he wouldn’t kill. Learning a little about his au’s situation only softened Cross to him more, especially seeing that he still cared a lot for his brother and was trying to protect his home (even if Cross found it unthinkable that he lived away from it). It was through Horror that he also got accustomed to Dust, how being quiet and distant was kind of his default and that he also felt deeply haunted by the loss of his world. They weren’t exactly friends, but it was comfortable enough.

So now boss had taken in another new person, someone who takes orders like a soldier and fights with knives and ruthless precision and aims to be his righthand man, and Killer was ecstatic. By now he’d mostly put his fears of being disposable behind him, Nightmare had gotten a bit less subtle in showing how important they all were to him and Killer felt confident he wouldn’t be replaced. Which was a little bit funny, because the only guy he didn’t feel threatened by was the one who absolutely competed for his spot.

Cross needed to prove he was useful, he had to feel like he earned his keep and that all the training and suffering he’d done was for a reason. When Nightmare sent them on missions, Cross aimed to be the fastest and the most efficient and to report to Nightmare without question. Horror and Dust looking on would have expected Killer to see this 100% as a threat to his position as (self proclaimed) Nightmare’s second in command, and to go for this guy’s throat when nobody else was around.

But Killer was fascinated. Cross was completely different from any of them, bar Nightmare whose au is a whole different kettle of fish, so he had a certain element of unpredictability to him. Horror and Dust were both based on classic sans just like him, so to a certain degree he knew how they would feel about most things and what they might say, the only differences being in what they had experienced through their own timelines. Cross was based on a swap sans and his au had taken wild twists and turns away from usual events, so Killer had to learn everything about him by poking and prodding for answers or observing from a distance, much like back when it was just him and Nightmare. Cross was something new to be studied and Killer loved taking notes.

Cross did not see this as friendly. He was competing with Killer for approval, not realising Killer was playing their contest like a game. When he saw Cross training he would jump in to spar for fun, but Cross saw his rival trying to get a jump on him and take him out of the running. When Killer would hang around and pester Cross in their off time with questions, it didn’t seem like someone taking interest, it seemed like someone being nosy and looking for weaknesses to exploit. When Horror mentioned that Killer was being surprisingly contained and friendly, Cross really thought he was fucking with him.

The first time Cross was willing to even consider this was the case was when his locket came loose on the field and Killer ran back to find it, since one of the notes he’d taken was how the locket wasn’t something Cross would play about (the same as Horror with food). It didn’t make sense for someone who was seriously competing to have him kicked out to just hand his necklace back, no ransoms or attempts to crush it to upset him, just some vague remark about “owing him one” and then right back to Nightmare for orders.

Cross had to give him something of a chance after that, Horror helped a lot by telling him “he doesn’t want to hurt you, he just doesn’t know how to be normal”. It was mostly a playful jab at Killer, but reframing their interactions changed it significantly for Cross. Now they were sparring playfully and having friendly competition on jobs. He wasn’t as put off when Killer went into stage 3 because he knew he could match him in combat and the others were always on hand to help restrain or distract him. Cross also took note of how Killer calmed down a lot for physical touch, not unlike how Dust had warmed up to Horror. It went a long way into not only making him a little less combative for attention every day, but it seemed to put longer stretches between his episodes (which Cross had also started tracking so they wouldn’t be caught out by them as much).

For his part, Killer has disobeyed instructions in the past to benefit Cross, usually ignoring the task to help him if he’s hurt. He’s also given Nightmare nudges towards praising him because he’s noted that that’s what Cross needs in the same way he needs touch (not that Nightmare doesn’t praise them normally, but when Cross is going through it and needs something). He also doesn’t particularly like chocolate but has made a point of not admitting this to Horror so he can give his chocolate to Cross.

(It’s also worth noting that Cross is the only one, besides Nightmare, that has been to Horror’s au. He offered to help out during the food delivery and got to meet Horror’s Papyrus (who he is a little intimidated by but ultimately friendly with, even though it’s a little weird since he’s a good bit different from his own Papyrus). Dust and Killer can’t really visit for a few reasons, mostly because everyone will notice their lvl immediately and know what they’ve done. Dust especially doesn’t know how he would react to having a Papyrus in front of him again and doesn’t want to put Horror's family at risk to find out. Whenever he visits, his Papyrus asks about Cross now and sometimes tries to make tacos for him (key word tries, he’s still a Papyrus after all). He may have joked that seeing Cross sometimes is “like having another brother but younger and less lazy” and when Horror told him this Cross may or may not have cried.)

And that’s where we are now!

They’re a very strange group who’ve been through some inexplicable events and have all changed each other in one way or another. And whether or not it can be admitted, they are a family c:

Now onto how Nightmare was made emotionally open by each of them!! In this essay I will no just kidding could you imagine this is already like 7 pages long

If you got to the end of this post please drink some water and get yourself a snack

[katz-chow]

100 letters just for me...

synopsis: distance makes the heart ache and yet, it still grows fonder. gets extremely harder when you're forced back a few decades and are forced to wait for the mail to come every morning. aka: what their letters are like.

a/n: there's certain homecoming aspects within it, just keep thinking about that lately with the US' descion to deploy soldiers to the Middle East, thank god there's only soldiers and not seamen or corpsmen just yet... i am getting worried though for my sake and my friends.

i also am very happy with my headcanons for their handwritings and how serious they are with these love letters too. i feel like i really did capture them.

john price & his darling spouse his letters are short, usually a page; sometimes there's a back too. he really hates writing to you because somehow, he just can't tell you all the things he wants to, his hand just won't let him write it. gosh, his vows weren't even written out, just bullet points on a note card and him just rambling on. the paper always smells like cigar smoke and he somehow stains it with coffee by accident or spills water on it. you also think he uses his work memo pad to write these letters to you; the pages are yellow, thinned, and fuzzy at the edges

johnny "soap" mactavish & his bonnie...and fiance to be? he always has his journal with him, so i think he straight up just writes in it with doodles, pressed flowers, and stickers that he finds in his stuff. loves when you put cute little stickers on your return letters and he feels bad when he doesn't have any on yours. he found these smileys at a gas station, and although it's not as cute as your cute animal ones, it really brightens up the bleak pages. he tears the page out slowly, sometimes a word gets torn off by accident. he folds the page up and puts it in the envelope along with some trinkets, like more pressed flowers or a paperclip heart or maybe even a postcard.

simon "ghost" riley & his lovie baby keeps his letters short and vague. it's really just a sign of life for your sake of mind. he's never been good with the sappy, romantic stuff. he writes early in the morning after him and price goes over the agenda for the day. he tries really hard to keep the paper pristine and hardly crumbled to make sure it looks good for you. he smears the pen ink sometimes. he'll write about the adventures that he's getting into, but he mainly focuses on his friends messing around while also mentioning about the terrorists he's killed that week.

kyle "gaz" garrick & the chase for his lovebug my headcanon for kyle is that he loves bugs, especially beetles. it started when he was a kid and his dad told him that bugs are just tiny little souls and that humans have the capacity to be kind. so he loves bugs, especially his lovebug. he also loves stickers and know you love them too. it's a good change of the neutral color scheme of his environment, so he always keeps stickers on hand whenever he's deployed. i think he writes before he goes to bed because then he can fall asleep thinking about you

phllip graves & his cowpoke phillip graves has a ranch somewhere, probably in texas. he has farmhands that help around the ranch, mostly gives you easy work like feeding and cooking while he takes the more tedious jobs like cleaning and maintenance around the land. he sits down and writes his letter whenever he feels a surge of feelings missing you. mostly it's in the evening but sometimes he writes them late at night. also the type of guy to surprise you, but within reason. doesn't want to overwhelm you, so he'll come home a few days before when he said he was gonna- things like that

[avonne-writes]

AVONNE!! :O

tell us about the hs au summer before university - what did they do, where did they go, what dates did they plan, gifts they gave eachother, apartment shopping, spending time w georgia. tell us pleaseeeee!

I loved thinking about this question, thank you ❤️

Immediately after school is over, they have a lazy week, with lots of sleeping, not doing anything, and trying to process the sudden emptiness that comes at the end of high school. At the end of the week, Gale starts reading books and Bucky dives into planning their living arrangements for the first semester. They already have a place secured (probably through a friend of Georgia's), they just need to furnish it.

They go on a road trip with their friends, part of it camping in tents. Hold each other by the campfire, kiss under the stars, drink (mostly Bucky) until they're drunk and giggly and horny. Attempt a risky blowjob in the forest at night, get stung on the arm and hands by nettles (Bucky), collect 20+ mosquito bites (Gale). Get sappy and talk about transcendence and life, joke about kids and marriage. Joking feels easier than saying they're gonna bet on the two of them.

They go to a few concerts and sports events, mostly with their friends, unsure if that’s the last time they'll see them until their first high school reunion. Some moments happy and carefree, others full of uncertainty. When the shadows hit, Gale gets quiet and serious, Bucky clings. Nobody mentions it.

They visit some of Georgia's relatives, who live in a nice surfer town. Georgia brings Neil along too, which is something new for Neil, but he handles it well. Bucky and Gale spend a lot of time at the beach. Gale gets a tan, Bucky freckles.

They go on simple, silly, nostalgic dates, visit secret spots where they used to make out, take lots of photos of each other. Reminisce about high school, talk about fear. Have sex in the afternoon, careful to be quiet, always careful, just in case. Fantasize about having their own space and privacy. Talk about not doing things so safely anymore once they've moved in together.

Gale spends a few weeks doing a seasonal part-time job, Bucky trains with some other boys who also received sports scolarships, to make sure they aren't terribly out of shape by the start of the semester. Gale visits his parents, sometimes without telling anyone about it, but it’s more of an emotional toll than any help. He just can’t stop himself from reaching for them again, even if it ends in disappointment.

The boys go shopping for furniture and trinkets for the apartment several times, both with Georgia and alone. Gale thought he'd enjoy doing this with Bucky, but he doesn’t. He struggles with it. He doesn’t want to choose anything, and he feels guilty for not contributing as much as Bucky (=Georgia). They buy small things for each other that they think the other will like.

They start planning what their daily life is going to look like. Look up what's around their apartment, what their campuses look like, where they're going to grocery shop, go to cinema, go on a night out etc. Plan all the exciting things they're going to do together (Bucky), hide any trepidation with blind hope (Gale).

They move into their new place with Georgia's and Neil's help. Say goodbye to Georgia and Neil, promise to call and visit often, tear up a little while hugging Georgia (Bucky), feel dizzy from the silence that follows because it sounds like the point of no return (Gale). Go out and discover the neighbourhood on foot, pet all the cats they find, race each other on the way home and then kiss and kiss and kiss until their bed calls.

Gale cuts his hair short. Bucky mourns it. They make love without holding back, then go to sleep smiling in each other's embrace, confident that college is going to be the best time of their lives.

[lvstgojo]

my kind of crazy - satoru gojo

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: ̗̀➛ contains: satoru gojo | sfw

☁︎ summary: gojo is obsessed with you and thinks about some of the crazy moments that made him love you

₊˚ෆ warnings: none, just a sappy gojo

˚ · . word count: 718

✎ this was based off the song "my kind of crazy" by brantley gilbert. i have loved this song since i was a child. i thought he seemed so in love with the woman he was singing about.

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The sunshine had begun to sneak its way into your shared room with the strongest sorcerer in the world, Satoru Gojo. While you lay sleeping soundly, Satoru had already awakened and was staring at you, thinking about all the reasons why he loved you. He often woke up before you, but he would never leave the bed until you were awake. He didn’t like the thought of you waking up and thinking he had left. If there ever was a chance he had to leave before you woke up—he was a teacher, after all—he’d wake you to let you know he was leaving. You would drift back to sleep after he kissed you goodbye.

This morning, however, he didn’t have to leave. Satoru was a busy man, but today, he finally had the chance to relish the peace and quiet of his home with the love of his life sleeping by his side.

You were a wild one, but he loved that about you. You matched his crazy, if not surpassed it.

You’d come into the living room wearing one of his t-shirts and his blindfold, proclaiming that you were “the one and only Satoru Gojo” and “the strongest and most handsome guy to ever exist.” You’d be blocking the TV, but Satoru had long forgotten about whatever he was watching the moment you graced him with your presence. He would much rather watch you, anyway.

“Well, Satoru,” he would say, “how about when you’re done saving the world from curses, you let me get your autograph?”

You’d smile and lift up the blindfold so you could see him, complaining about not being able to see through it and not understanding how he could. He’d explain his Six Eyes Technique to you as you listened intently, and he adored how you always paid attention when he spoke.

You’d visit him at the school sometimes to sit in on his class. You weren’t a sorcerer, but he loved having you there. You got along with his students so well, and he even loved it when you mocked him and made the kids laugh. He’d pretend to be upset about his girl making fun of him, but secretly, he didn’t mind at all. It made him excited for the future, for the children you’d have together.

He hated attending meetings with the higher-ups, but he knew that once he left, he’d have messages from you, telling him about whatever you were doing or whatever was on your mind. You worried it might annoy him, having to read it all, but he looked forward to it each and every time so he encouraged you to continue. Satoru loved coming home to you after those meetings, eager to rant to you about them.

Anyone with eyes could tell how obsessed Satoru was with you, but Suguru really got to hear about it. If Suguru let him, Satoru would talk his ear off, not that it bothered him anyway. Suguru loved seeing his best friend happy. Satoru would tell him about all the crazy things you did—how the way you’d pout made him want to drop everything and give you whatever you wanted. How you never lost any disagreement, though you didn’t have many. He just thought you were too cute to stay mad with. He never wanted to be upset with you. Satoru spoiled you, and you loved every second of it.

“She’s a wild one,” he’d tell Suguru as they watched their students practice on the training field.

“She’s my kind of crazy. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

While he was thinking about you, he had pulled you back into his side and fallen asleep again. It wasn’t long before he heard your beautiful voice.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t help but smile, wondering how he had gotten so lucky. He couldn’t believe that he got to share his life with all your crazy antics. He loved you so much that it was all worth his while.

- kasai ☁︎

[xcaptainhannax]

Until I Found You (Jacob Black x Reader)

Plot: "I think dying by your side, when we've lived a long, happy life, would be the best way to go."

Warnings: none

A/N: omg it’s me again!! this time with Jacob bc he was my first love aside from nick jonas, love him so much it hurts, I found the propmt here but couldn’t remember who the author was, i will try to find it 

Jacob couldn’t begin to count the amount of hours he spent thinking about his future, before meeting and imprinting on you the thoughts were always uncertain, he didn’t really know what to make of his life; he could obviously stay at the reservation and continue with his pack duties but that seem dull, especially when slowly but surely everyone on the pack met their mates and were able to see life from another perspective.

But then you came along, and his entire world shifted, literally and metaphorically, he knew that know what was holding him down to this earth was your presence and at first, he thought he would hate the feeling of being attached to something that he couldn’t decide but oh boy was he wrong. He knew he wanted everything with you, as sappy as it sounded, he knew he wanted to give everything to you, shower you with love and affection and suddenly his thoughts about the future brightened. 

He now was able to picture a small house somewhere alongside the reservation, he remembered how you mentioned that it was one of your dreams to have a little cottage like home and be able to decorate it and renovate it with him and he knew that he would do anything to be able to provide that for you; he also pictured kids running around the house, well maybe kids sounded like a lot but he could see a baby that looked like the perfect combination of both of you and he smiled just thinking of that.

He also thought about how aging started to sound less and less scary as he the days with you went by, sometimes he imagined what it would be like if one day he stopped shifting, he wanted to grow old with you and see your little family grow as well. His smile deepened just thinking of your future with him.

“What are you smiling at, babe?” he heard your voice, and he looked down at you wrapped in his arms, the sounds of the beach fading slowly on the background and at that moment he swore that he could die at that moment, and he will be ok with that.

“Just thinking a little” he pressed you closer to him, you shifted a little on his arms so you could look at him better "I think dying by your side, when we've lived a long, happy life, would be the best way to go."

[mrs-russ]

NSFW Alphabet with Keegan P. Russ

Word Count: 1,493

Keegan x Fem Reader

Tags: Smut, Nsfw, P in V, Oral

Source

Inspired by

AO3

A/N: A little warning before you read this. this is my own interpretation of Keegan and how I see him. my opinion on what he likes and doesn't. My vision may be different from yours, so please keep that in mind while reading, but either way, please enjoy :>

A- Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

not too big on aftercare, but it’s definitely there. he’d stay inside you for a few seconds as you both come down, his eyes on yours, making sure everything is okay. “you okay, kid?” he asks with a slight smirk on his face. he’d lie next to you, pulling you to his chest, inhaling your scent deeply. “i hope i satisfied you”

B- Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Keegan is OBSESSED with your thighs and ass despite the size. he could grab them all day, squeezing your ass as he fucks you from behind. “i just want to bury my face between these pretty thighs of yours, doll.” he’d kiss and nip at your inner thighs, watching you squirm as he teases you.

for you it would probably be his hands or arms, watching his muscles flex as he works or his strong hands gripping yours. not to mention he knows how to use those fingers of his. they’re not too thick, but he knows exactly how to curl them to get you to whine his name.

C- Cum (Anything to do with cum)

He loves it when your cheeks puff slightly as he fills your mouth with his cum, watching you swallow his seed is one of his favorite things. “atta girl, every drop” he’d coo, wiping your lips of his essence. “next time, i’m filling that cute pussy of yours”

D- Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he loves it when you take control sometimes, his hands on your hips as you bounce on him. “that’s it, just like that” while he thrusts his hips upwards. you’d keep him still, pushing him into the mattress as his grunts get more desperate “gonna make me cum so fast”

E- Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Keegan knows what he’s doing, although he hasn’t had a lot of partners, every touch he makes is catered to your needs, making sure to listen to and watch your cues. every time your moans get louder or your face contorts in pure bliss, he takes notes, loving the way you react to him.

F- Favorite Position (This goes without saying.)

any position as long as he’s inside you. but if he had to choose, he’d lift your ankles up to his shoulders, grabbing your thighs and driving into you as deeply as possible while talking you through it. “mhmm, that’s it, taking me so deep like a good girl”

G- Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

more serious in the moment, he takes being your provider and lover very seriously, making sure to satisfy your needs. but in certain situations he’s definitely goofy.

H- Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

he cares about being clean, so he’s well groomed, but not bald. he has a happy trail from his belly button all the way to his his crotch, nothing to messy.

I- Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

definitely intimate. he’d whisper assurances into your ear, holding you close and not wanting to let go. he’s not too sensual or sappy, but he can be.

J- Jerk Off (Masturbation headcanon)

he likes masturbating, but not as much as being buried inside of you. when he’s or away or overseas thinking of you, he recalls the way it feels to be inside you, the noises you make and the way you writhe with pleasure. his thumb stimulates his tip, spreading his precum across his cock, telling himself how badly he wishes to be inside of you.

K- Kink (One or more of their kinks)

knowing this man, a daddy kink. he looooves it when you call him daddy. “yeah? wanna say that again, princess?” as he smirks, loving the way you whine his nickname. “say you love it when daddy fills you”

L- Location (Favourite places to do the deed)

bedroom, couch, counter, anywhere. although he probably wouldn’t be too big with public things, if he gets needy enough he’d fuck you in the mcdonald’s bathroom, covering your mouth so you don’t make too much noise. “quiet, doll, don’t want anyone to hear my girl moan”

M- Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

when you tease him. sending him texts, pictures, or even just provocative movements/words. if it’s in public, he’d subtly whisper in your ear “just wait till your at my mercy” and then he’d pull away, smiling slightly as if nothing happened.

N- No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

something that would hurt your feelings/you in general. he’s okay with ass slapping and biting, but nothing that could hurt you too bad like kn1f3/gunp1@y etc. degrading is okay sometimes, but it’d be hard on him if it were too much, thinking he’s hurting your feelings, not wanting you to think he’s using you.

O- Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

giving and receiving. pleasing you is his favorite things, and he’s damn good at it. he loves looking up at you as your hands grip his hair tightly, feeling your thighs tighten around his head and your hips buck into him. “so sweet, like honey” he’d murmur, his deep, raspy voice vibrating against your clit.

on the other hand, he loves it when your mouth is full of his cock. he watches your eyes water as he fucks your face, his hand gently gripping your hair. “you can take it” he’d assure, but he’d always make sure he’s not pushing you too much.

P- Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

both. he’s a flexible guy, (maybe not physically…) he can be fast and rough, slow and sensual, but he mostly enjoys fucking you until you shake.

Q- Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

keegan is okay with quickies, early in the morning before leaving, or late at night before sleeping. but he’d prefer to take his time with you, teasing you until you beg for his cock inside you. quickies aren’t too often, but if he needs you right then and there sometimes he can’t help it.

R- Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

down to experiment, but nothing too risky. like i said before i don’t think he’d like putting you in a position that could hurt you, or just anything that you wouldn’t like. but if your one to suggest it, he’ll probably be more then open to it, unless it’s too violent.

S- Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Keegan has STAMINA. he’s in the military, after all. he could probably last a good 2 rounds. it takes him a decent amount of time to cum. he’d maybe even make you cum twice before he does once. “you can take more, just a little more” he’d pant, his thrusts getting erratic as he feels you tighten around him again.

T- Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

doesn’t own any toys from himself, but he has some for you. maybe a vibrator or two, a blindfold, even.

U- Unfair (how much they like to tease)

keegan is a BIG teaser. he loves listening to you beg, your hands desperately grasping him as your breath quickens. “tell me what you want, babygirl.” as his hands slide down your body, tracing the edge of your panties. “you want me here? hm? beg for it.”

V- Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

he isn’t too loud, but he definitely makes noise. grunts, groans, maybe even growls.

W- Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he adores it when you wrap your legs around him, slightly trapping him in place as he thrusts into you. “keeping me close, hm? my cute girl”

X- X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

8 inches even, (20.3 centimeters) definitely circumcised. he’s not too girthy, but definitely not skinny. he’s wide enough to stretch you just to the right amount.

Y- Yearn (How high is their sex drive?)

based off of everything i’ve said, it sounds like he has a high sex drive, but surprisingly, it’s not too high. probably a little less then average.

Z- Zzz (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

depends on how long of a day he’s had/how long you guys fucked for. if it was a quickie, he’s perfectly fine afterwards, maybe a little tired but good enough to go back to work. if it’s a normal session he isn’t too tired, but could go for a small nap. but if you guys were REALLY going at it he’d pull you close afterwards, probably falling asleep mid conversation within the next 20 minutes.

A/N: i’m going crazy.

[viburnt]

Hiya, sweetpie! ♥ I've been thinking about being in a relationship with Alpha Dabi and Omega Shigaraki (hope you haven't explored this idea previously)

Hi, Douma! Thank you for requesting love <3 I'm very happy to see you here. I had never explored ABO before, so this was really fun!

CONTENT WARNING: NSFW, sex mentions. It's kinda implied that it's bit of a poly relationship since I wasn't sure if you wanted them separated or together at the same time.

Alpha Dabi and Omega Shigaraki with you

• Omega Shigaraki didn't quite had the opportunity to nest as a kid, which is bad considering all Omegas start nesting at a young age. He is not very sure of how to do it, nor if he is doing it right. Tenko likes to take your clothes from time to time, specially shirts and hoodies, to build his little safe space: pillowcases, sheets, blankets... he just takes what he can and tries to make it pass as a nest. It's endearing, really, specially when you find him curled up and sleeping after a long evening gaming. You keep a secret photo album of him sleeping.

• He is very sensitive to your scent, normally asking you not to wear perfumes because he likes how you smell. It bothers him that Dabi is an Alpha because his scent tends to compete with yours. Omega Tomura is also very whiny and needy when it comes to you, specially during his heats. He drags you to his nest and cuddles you to his heart's content, even if it's embarrassing for him (of course sometimes it'smore than cuddling).

• Talking about heats with Shigaraki, you'll be busy for a while. Dabi hates when Shigaraki gets his heat because his own hormones go bonkers, and Shiggy doesn't let Dabi near you until he's done. You spend a lot of silent nights making that man whine and cry while you satiate his need of uh- yeah.

• You have to clean the stuff of his nest with regularity after his heats because it just ends up being a nasty mess-

• Alpha Dabi also has his perks, specially when it comes to being protective of you. He is shameless whenever he talks about you, sending dirty smirks and making innuendos when a friend (or Shigaraki) ask where you are: "Oh, they're just sleeping in my bed. If you catch my drift..." "Last time I saw them they are between my legs, haven't seen them today-"

• Dabi doesn't understand Shigaraki's need of a nest but he tries to be nice about it since you insist. He often asks if you need a nest too (that, of course, depends on your type). If you happen to be an Alpha or a Beta, he'll just tease by saying "he'll build you a nest to fuck you nice and good"; if you're an Omega, he's more responsible and actually tries to make and effort with your nest (fails, but he tries).

• Touya is the kind of Alpha that is always rubbing on you, he doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself. It doesn't matter that Shigaraki complains about his scent on your body, he will make sure everyone can smell him on you.

• His ruts are... intense. You need quite the endurance to stand his stamina, and he will not waste a second to take what's his by right. During this time, he doesn't allow Shigaraki to spend a lot of time with you, often leading to arguments that are solved with long steamy make-out sessions and too many hands on your body.

• Alpha Dabi likes to make you wear his jacket when other Alphas are around (specially if you happen to be an omega), he thinks you look ridiculously cute with it. Also the kind that gives you dumb nicknames thinking they are cool but they're lame and sappy.

• Being stuck in the middle with these two sometimes allows you to see some unique dynamics you never expected to see between the two. Alpha Dabi and Omega Shigaraki tend to act like brothers from time to time: they fight for your attention, one wants to shit on the other, they snitch when they make a mistake to be your favorite... "OK, who left the toilet seat up again?" "Dabi-" "YOU FUCKIN RAT-"

• When you're not around, they tend to annoy each other with the stupidest things. Curiously enough, they sometimes work together to do nice things for you (or mischief). It's also hard to keep the place tidy with two gremlins like them.

• Sex with them is also complex. It's a constant power battle between the three, even if it's not what you guys want. Dabi wants to top you, while Shigaraki wants to do it too, and if you ever want to top it's the latter who wants to be selfish with your ministrations. Omega Tomura is very... eager in terms of you domming him. He'll of course enjoy the power trip that mounting you gives him, but he prefers it when you make him cum until it's unbearable and some tears roll down his cheeks.

• Alpha Dabi teases Tomura a lot for this, but low-key enjoys having two bitches whining under him. He'll push that knot of his inside you until you're practically trying to push him away.

"Fuck, you're so tight-" Dabi groaned, shoving his dick inside you while his hand pressed your face into the mattress. He'd been fucking you senseless for a hot minute, his rut being unbearable without your inviting body. Shigaraki was watching the whole scene display as he palmed his own cock, whining and whimpering with every carnal sound that escaped your lips. "S-shiggy, look at me- Oh, God!- Look at me, baby." You panted, your voice cracking as Dabi's knot finally reached its rightful place. "Ha- You look so sexy filled with me. Can't wait to do it again." Dabi growled, biting your skin in a territorial way.

You didn't know if it was good or bad luck to have those two with their respective heat and rut at the same time.

The omega seemed happy with that arrangement though.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tags @corinneglass and @diabolical-blue!

OC Interview

You know, I don't think I've ever done one of these for Ivander. Let's go with him!

Are you named after anyone?

"Not in particular, no. My family tends to cycle through the same old list of names, so there have been plenty of Ivanders before me, but I wasn't named after any specifically."

When was the last time you cried?

"Most nights, I can't help it. My curse puts me in a great deal of pain and when my medication wears off around midnight, I'm usually not doing great. It's nights like those that make me so awfully aware that my time is drawing to an end."

Do you have kids?

"Hell no, I'd probably forget to feed the tragic creature. I'm not putting any child through the trial that me raising them would undoubtedly ensue."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"If you have to ask, then you must be denser than you look."

What is the first thing you notice about people?

"As a detective, I'm trained to look for identifying marks. An odd tattoo, a birthmark, telltale scars from a certain trade. All can be very useful if one can remember them."

What’s your eye color?

"Blue. Most would describe them as slightly too blue to fall in the human range."

Any special talents?

"I'm good at remembering things. Who's been talking with whom, who's been clocking in late with bags under their eyes, who's been extra nervous when the time comes for a station audit - that sort of thing. Ceyrel, my partner, says I have a nose for drama, but I prefer to think that I simply like to keep tabs on my surroundings. And occasionally let other people in on my 'findings,' so to speak."

Scary movies or happy endings?

"I really couldn't say. I suppose it depends on what I'm in the mood for. If I'm with friends, scary movies are fine, but if I'm alone in my apartment, I prefer something sappy. Just don't tell Ceyrel that."

Where were you born?

"On a roof, believe it or not. I was told that my mother insisted. According to my uncle, she said it was an important tradition among her people that a baby's first sight be the sky above. In a rare show of magnanimity, my father allowed her to go through with her plan and brought up a midwife and tent to the roof of the Montane compound. And so there it happened. Apparently, it rained hard enough that no one could see the sky in the end anyways."

Do you have any pets?

"No. I can barely take care of myself - I'm not going to tie some animal to my fate. Especially not one that wants me petting it all the time."

How tall are you?

"5'8", but I walk with a stoop, so I seem shorter."

What was your favorite subject in school?

"I was never a fan of school. I did well enough and my tutors never remarked on my behavior, however, I didn't enjoy it. I suppose art, if I had to choose. I liked to paint as a boy, though I was never very good. I thought I might pick the hobby up again once I left home, but I never found the time."

What is your dream job?

"I'd say not having a job would be dreamy, but that's not true, I'd go mad with boredom. I like being a detective well enough. I have the seniority to where they don't make me go on patrol anymore, and sometimes I'll get a case that piques my interest. Really though, it's just a job. I do it, I get paid, I go home. When I joined ten years ago, I had some delusion of making the world a better place and atoning for my sins. However, the only place I ended up making better was the interior of some merchant councilmembers' homes. It's been so long that it's hard to care about such things now - that's how society works and there's no use fighting against it. But back on topic. If I really had to choose, I'd... I'd perhaps like to work in a tailor shop. I have a keen eye for style and I think the clientele would amuse me. Unfortunately though, I couldn't string a needle to save my life, and tailors don't make detective money. More's the pity."

I'll tag @somethingclevermahogony @goodluckclove @savvyminnow @sleepywriter00 and anyone else who wants to play :)

Blank questions below the cut

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What is the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye color? Any special talents? Scary movies or happy endings? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? How tall are you? What was your favorite subject in school? What is your dream job?

[l0velylecter]

HEYOO, CHEF!

I was wondering if you could do hcs with a f!reader (who’s part of task force 141) for the codmw2 guys where the reader is a very happy/sappy drunk and flat out confesses that she loves them? The whole “you’re so great, I love you so much” typa thing?

TY FOR THIS AND HOPE YOURE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY, MWAH - 🍽

P.S: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED WITH ALL YOUR CODMW2 CONTENT, ITS GOT ME KICKING MY FEET ABOUT WJDNWJDNS EATING IT ALL UP WITH A 5 STAR RATING <3

— the cod : mw ii men + drunken confessions! characters : simon ‘ghost’ riley, john ‘soap’ mactavish, alejandro vargas, captain john price, phillip graves, kyle ‘gaz’ garrick, rodolfo parra fandom : call of duty modern warfare ii tags : f!reader, headcanons, kind of lengthy, i hope it’s not ooc because i tried to set a humorous tone, fluff !  additional warnings : mentions of drinking, cursing  rating : t for teen and up audiences , sfw!

01| He noticed that you were always formal with him, sometimes to the point where it came off as awkward. While Price never blames you for it, he does carry his suspicions on why you're always so jittery and nervous despite having known him for years. He just didn't expect the confession to spill out of your mouth after three pitches of beer.

" I can't take it anymore !" You cried, somewhat sobbing into your hands, cheeks bright and voice desperate, " Captain, I'm so fucking sorry for what I'm about to say after this, but I like you! Fuck it — I'm not even sorry."

You slammed a hand on the table, and Price tried to calm you down, looking around at the heads that turned to face your way.

" You just had to light that cigar and lean back with your arms crossed! As if you don't know how cool and handsome and kissable you look at the moment! And it's unfair because," You let out a shuddering breath, throwing your arms up in the air, "you'll never like me back !"

At that moment, he grabbed your right wrist to pull you close, his grip warm and steady: thumb skimming over your racing pulse. He smiled at you affectionately, eyes softening and voice raspy, " Never say never, kid."

The morning after, he's at your door with a cup of coffee for the hangover, fueling your embarrassment further by telling you he didn't want to kiss you because you won't remember it. With a fond smile, Price set the cup on the bedside table.

" Drink your coffee, Sargeant," He smirked: raising a half-lit cigar onto his lips, " Then we can talk."

02| Drinking with the team is always fun, but drinking alone with a certain Scottish Sargeant is bound to get you in trouble. You know how loud and cheerful you get when you're drunk: it's the first tell-tale sign of your self-control checking out of your body to book itself a vacation. Without a filter, you're always nervous that you'll accidentally reveal your true feelings to Soap. It would've stayed a secret if you didn't accidentally lose count of how much scotch you had into the night.

" I love this," You hiccuped, grabbing Soap's shoulder's with both hands, head flat against his chest, " I love being here — hik! I love drinking, I love not dying on missions, I love..."

" You okay, hen?" Soap called out, easing you back on your seat, hands still cradling your shoulders to keep you upright. And you only grinned, eyes on the brink of closing when you lifted a finger to boop his nose.

" ...you. I love you most, Johnny."

With that, your head tipped forward and crashed into his neck, lips brushing his pulse point, causing him to freeze. Once he realized you were fast asleep, he hoisted you up to carry you back to the car, paying for your drinks almost sheepishly ( because he's sure at least three other people heard your confession.)

Once the door was closed, he looked at you sprawled on the passenger seat, softly brushing an index finger against your cheek, " I love you too, silly."

You’re never touching scottish scotch ever again.

03| It's not a secret that despite his determination and never-ending input of opinions during recons, Gaz gets embarrassed very quickly. Outside the field, whenever you go to a bar or have dinners with the team, he's always keeping to himself: quietly sipping his drink and talking to only people within the group. Once, he had to excuse himself from the table when Soap spilled his drink onto the person next to them because he couldn't handle the second-hand embarrassment. It was an interesting quirk of his, and maybe that's why he's currently trying to hide from all the attention as you announce his name into the mic.

" This is for the very, very, very handsome gentleman sitting by table 14, Kyle — I love you ! So this song’s for you, baby !"

He was begging for Price to come to get you from the stage, but the captain ignored him ( it was a small bar in the remote of nowhere after all), chuckling to himself as he knew what was to come. Everyone told you that your crush on Gaz was anything but subtle. It has gotten to the point where Simon himself had to intervene, voicing his frustration — " Just bloody fucking confess to him already and spare everyone from the bullshit."

So you singing your heart out on the stage, somewhat off key and mixing up some of the lyrics, was partly because of the lieutenant. While Gaz is shrinking in his seat and chuckling at how unbelievable you were, everyone could tell he was enjoying himself, admiring how you even gathered a small crowd to sing with you. Gaz had to carry you back into the car, still giggling and whooping in his arms, " How's that for a confession?"

Gaz tried to look angry, but he couldn't hide the laugh that escaped his mouth, " It was good."

You nodded in satisfaction, " Ghost, you sing next !"

" Fuck off."

04| There was this sense of mutual respect between you and Ghost. A kind of ' you watch his back, and he watches yours' bond. While Simon believes that friends aren't part of the rulebook, you're probably the closest he'll ever get to a friend. Considering that you've known him the longest and that even if you were separated multiple times, you always end up being reassigned with each other. Not wanting to ruin the peaceful dynamic, you never got around to confessing what you felt to him. That was until you were caught under a heavy storm, stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a rickety, old safehouse and bottle of tequila to shield you from the rain and cold.

You leaned your head against the wall to stare at the flames, Simon throwing in more wood while you've nearly drunk half of the bottle.

" Don't be a brat. Save some for me."

You gave him a side-eye, raising the glass his way, " You're always so mean to me, Simon."

He stilled, watching you suspiciously as if he couldn't tell if you were truly upset or just drunk, " Never take it to the heart, kid."

You pursed your lips together, the alcohol in your bloodstream causing you to smile, " Can I take you ?"

This time he stopped midway to pull his hand away from the fire. The silence urging you to repeat yourself, " Can I take you to the heart, then? I don't know if that even makes sense but...I'm drunk."

" I can see that."

" I'm drunk and...I love you. You don't have to love me back though, no pressure. I know...it's been hard for you. I just wanted to let it out. That's all."

Even when you're intoxicated, you still try your best to comfort him. Always putting him first, always so selfless, the observation made Simon's eyes drop almost sadly behind the mask. He moved to sit next to you, arm nearly grazing yours.

You both listened to the heap of flames crackle and pop, and a few minutes passed before he turned to you, " I...care about you too."

You let out a laugh, wiping the corners of your eyes to rest your head atop his shoulder, " That's good to know."

That was enough, you thought. You've waited before, and you can wait again. And Simon doesn't pull away.

05| You like to think that crushing on Alejandro is the modern-day equivalent of sending yourself to a death sentence. The colonel always seemed out of reach, untouchable, a faraway dream for you to admire but never live through. You grew frustrated by the day, knowing that the chances of your feelings ever being returned are lower than zero. He was too busy. Too devoted to the city. Too selfless to let himself have a relationship. To make things worse, following her re-appearance, rumors about him and Valeria have circulated the base, haunting you with the worst-case possibility of him being a man still hung up on his war criminal *ex-girlfriend.

You were drowning out your sorrows at a local bar, knowing best to distract yourself with drinks and good company. You were well aware of how chatty you can be when drunk, always the avid storyteller when the alcohol starts to settle. In a few minutes, you have a small group around you, sympathizing with your current predicament. You continued to gush about how much you loved your crush to your new-found friends without noticing that he was behind you the entire time, having come to pick you up after Rodolfo told him you were having a bad day.

" I bet he gets marriage proposals daily! Tias outside his door lined up to match him with their daughters. I can't fucking compete!"

Behind you, Alejandro snorted at the ridiculous statement, shyly scratching the back of his neck and debating where he should stop you or let you continue.

" Oh, life is so fucking painful," You wailed dramatically, earning a chorus of pity and encouragement. You sighed, placing a chin atop your hand, " But I love him. I just wished he feels the same."

" I think you should ask him."

You turned around, briefly wondering why the voice sounded familiar, “Really?"

Alejandro beamed down at you, eyes full of understanding, " Really."

By this point, the crowd had dispersed, busy on their own, parting like ships in the sea. Still too drunk to notice it was him, you scooted closer, " But what if he says no?"

Alejandro played along, dropping his voice to pretend to whisper a secret, " I'm sure he won't, cariño."

The morning after, training got delayed by half an hour because no one in your team could coax you out of your room. ( Price and Simon had to kick the door open. You got toilet duty for a year.)

06 | Rodolfo knew you turn boisterous and loud when you're drunk. He didn't also expect you to suffer from temporary memory loss. You were practically crushing him in your arms, hugging him with your cheek pressed against his.

" I need to tell you a secret, but you cannot tell anyone. Okay?"

Rodolfo nodded dumbly, curious to see where this goes. Nothing could have prepared him for your sudden confession. His neck turned red.

" I think I have a crush on Sargeant Rodolfo Parra. You know the cute second in command? I think I like him a lot. He's always so sweet and so kind to me. Do you know if he happens to have a girlfriend ?"

Realizing that despite the state of intoxication, you were serious with your feelings, Rodolfo decided to play along, " I-I don't think he does."

You gave him a triumphant smirk, patting him on the chest, " That's good intel, soldier."

Rodolfo let out a small laugh, patting your head gently.

" Remember, you're not to tell a single soul. Promise?"

" Promise. Your secret's safe with me, (name)."

" Wait, how do you know my name?"

07| Most days, you feel like choking Graves, but some days, you have to face the fact that you're in love with him. Like an irritating plant by the sidewalk, it's horrifying how quickly he's grown on you. And even after his betrayal, you still find yourself missing him. Not that you'll ever tell anyone.

Once HQ confirmed that he survived the attack and was on the run with his shadow company, you've constantly been checking the radar for his whereabouts, hoping you were discreet enough to lure any suspicion from your teammates. When it comes to Graves, there were a lot of unspoken words inside of you, thoughts and feelings you'll never get to express.

So you decided to drink them away. After your fifth shot, you stared blankly at the empty glasses; situated by the furthest corner of the otherwise lively bar.

" What's a girl like you doing all alone?"

At the voice, your eyes widened. Even drunk, you still recognize the owner. Hell — you could be run over by a tank and you'd still recognize his voice. You raised your head, and there he stood: all smug, and handsome, and alive. As insufferable as it was to see him gloat at you, you started sobbing, happy tears streaming down your face as you pulled him in.

" It's alright now, baby," He chuckled, patting your hair while you babbled incoherently against his shoulder about how much he made you worry. Your tears: staining the crisp, white button-down he wore.

"Did you miss me that much? If I had known, I would've sent you a postcard."

" Just s-shut up and kiss me."

" Yes ma'am."

a/n : order up ! i hope this lived up to your expectations anon <3 thank you for requesting, i had fun writing this, but i am sorry if it ends up being too lengthy for hcs, i tend to get carried away hahaha ! happy holidays and thank you for the sweet compliments 🙈 ( enjoy the meal hehe ) 

[butmakeitgayblog]

Guten tag! I was just wondering, in your clexa au’s minus the canon one, what are each of Clarke and Lexas lockscreen?

Ooo German that's so fun 😀 I always think it's so mind blowing finding out where people are from all over the world. It's surreal, in a wonderful way 💕

Ok so, I thought a lot about this

MBFW: depends on when you were to look at it. If we're talking Lexa in the friendship era, generally it's a picture of whatever was the last time they were together, so generally a holiday photo or a pic of them on some beach: heads pressed together and sunglasses perfectly dipped to "make it fashion💅". Maybe the occasional stolen pic of Clarke napping on her chest. Ya know. Totally normal friend things... If we're talking marriage era, then it's always a family picture. A selfie style shot with Clarke and the kids flaked out on the couch for movie night in the background. A Griffin-Woods gang lineup of them hanging out by the pool on a summer day. Everybody in matching reindeer pajamas, standing in front of their Christmas tree loaded with presents. A very bizarre tablue of characters depicting everyone dressed up for trick-or-treating. That kind of thing. Lexa loves keeping stuff like that as her lockscreen cuz not only can she look at them any time she has to travel, but it's an excellent excuse to show off her little family so easily 😌

For Clarke, it is always Lexa. Always. Friendship era, family era, whatever. It's Lexa in some shape or form. Their kids always have a place on her homescreen, but Lexa has her lockscreen all to her own. That's her wife and her best friend in the entire world, always has been. That's her other half, and she had to spend an obnoxiously long time waiting for her, so she's damn well gonna look at that face any time she feels like it 😤

AWTR: Lexa had a flip phone because she was an 85 year old woman stuck in a 23 year old's body 🥴

Clarke keeps one of their wedding reception photos as it for a long while. A candid moment Monty had snapped when Clarke was laughing at something just out of frame, but all Lexa had eyes for was her. She looked happy. And very much in love with Clarke, for some inexplicable reason. They have classier ones from that day, but Clarke liked that one in particular a lot. For awhile after that it was the picture Raven took of them together that night when they'd hung out with the delinquents, when Lexa had held her and kissed her neck as a tipsy Clarke just relished in the closeness. Breathing in the way Lexa's hair smelled like shampoo and autumn bonfire smoke. Clarke liked that one too, enough that it gets framed and hung up in her house wherever she goes. But as time goes on she does evenly decide it's ok to choose other things. Pictures of art pieces that move her mostly, sometimes snapshots from her travels.

Demon au: Canot stress enough how little neither of them would care lol. If anything, Lexa would put something entirely inappropriate and private enough to have a once-human Clarke turning 10 shades of red. But as it is, Clarke would just find her ridiculous girlfriend funny and just so fucking Lexa, and thus try to give her something sinfully new to change it too next 😏

Cruel Intentions: they're disgusting. It's all very sappy. Always pictures of them kissing, if them wrapped up in each other's arms, of them draped over each other in bed. They have no filter and no fucks to give. But that's also how Clarke always knows if Lexa is annoyed with her about something and just not talking about it. Because if she sees her wife has replaced her with that godless chicken she pretends is a cat, she knows she's fucked up somewhere.

CoA: Clarke is functionally allergic to caring about her phone. She's busy, she works on computers a decent amount and spends her days with tiny patients, so when she's home she just wants to be home. Her phone is like... a tool in her mind. It's just the square in her pocket that she googles actors names on and that Raven uses to harrass her through text messages and that she can use to track down her wife around the hospital to see of she's free to go to lunch. So it's pretty much the same picture of them together on her couch (and the one of Lexa stretched out naked and asleep in their bed as the wallpaper) for several years until the women in her life start giving her shit for never changing it, and then it gets replaced by a new one of Lexa or both of them. Rinse and repeat every few years when she gets bored of hearing about it.

Lexa changes hers too often to narrow it down. Anything that feels fun in the moment. A pretty landscape. Clarke's face. A waterfall they saw on vacation. Clarke's face. A piece of architecture or art that makes her feel something. Clarke's face and a tasteful hint of her breasts. Her interests vary, you understand. She contains multitudes.

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 29:

'Cause you kiss me and it stops time…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

The moment we touched ground in Brazil the bubble Charles and I had been in for the past days bursted. A whole bunch of fans were expecting us when we arrived at the hotel, I expected them to be there for Charles mostly but when I saw a lot of girls, but also guys wearing Audi merch and waving me over I was honestly surprised. I smiled at them, signed their stuff, took pictures and had small talk. Topic number one: Charles and I. Of course. After a couple of minutes the security ushered us inside and I waved the fans goodbye.

"How does it feel, when you see that your fanbase grows from race to race?" Elijah, asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don’t know. It’s always overwhelming when I see only one person with my merch… but seeing a whole bunch of them? Unbelievable." I said as we entered the elevator.

"Charles, what do you think?"

"I’m just happy that Lizzie finally gets the attention she deserves. She’s a F1 driver, a race winner, has multiple podiums. She’s one of the best on the grid. And she’s also the most beautiful driver on the grid… of course she’s getting more and more attention." he held me by the waist and I blushed "She’s also the most adorable driver out there, blushing with every little compliment she gets."

"Okay stop now. Don’t get too sappy." I laughed.

"Nope." Charles pinched my side.

"Hey!" I slapped his hand a little.

"What is planned for today?" Elijah looked at us.

"We’re a bit earlier here than usually. So I guess not much? Later on we’ll be working out. Tonight we’ll have dinner with some friends that are also here already." I said and he nodded.

"Charles you have your best friend, Joris, most of the time with you, Lizzie, do you sometimes wish that one of your friends would be constantly by your side?"

"I mean it’s different, you know? Joris is Charles photographer and content creator. I don’t have that. My friends are also either with kids, like Julia or Andrea, or are getting their career started, Shima in the design world or have really demanding and fulfilling jobs, Daniel as a pilot. So yeah. That’s fine. They come to races whenever they can, the rest of the time I have Dad or some of my family with me."

"And you have me! Hello?" Charles looked at me and I laughed.

"Oh shit! Yeah, of course! I have Charles! Oh and Joris! Because when Charles has his bad days where he’s grumpy as fuck Joris likes me more than him."

"Okay. This is not what I was hoping to hear. Ouch." Charles let go of me and pouted a little.

"Oh come on! I’m just joking!" I smiled at him but then turned to the camera "I’m not!" I mouthed, Elijah and the rest of the crew laughing.

"I saw that." Charles mumbled and we laughed.

"We let you guys now unpack and get ready for your work out. Oh and Lizzie, this week we also talk with some of the other drivers. Seb, Lewis, Max and Pierre. If you want to have a look over the questions then we can send them to you." Elijah looked through his phone but I shook my head.

"No, it’s okay. You ask what you think is right!" I smiled and waved them off.

"Alright. See you guys later!" he smiled and they left.

"Weird, weird, weird!" I mumbled as soon as I closed the door.

"Oh just a little…" Charles chuckled and opened his suitcase "Getting filmed the whole time really is… yeah weird."

"I’m sorry. We can talk with them and stop doing that." I looked at him.

"That’s not what I meant, cara mia. It’s okay. Really! It’s just… yeah weird is the right word." he said and pulled out his clothes, storing them away in the closet.

"JK and I can work out later, so that you and Andrea are having some peace and quiet."

"Lizzie stop overthinking! It’s okay! I was filmed before. I can handle it. Let’s sit down for a bit, relax, unpack and then get ready, okay?"

"Okay." I sighed and did exactly what he said.

An hour later I looked into the mirror, turning from side to side.

"Can I wear that?" I asked.

"What?" Charles looked up from lacing his sneakers.

"Can I wear that? I mean… they film us."

"Yeah and you wore work out clothes before?"

"I know, but before I wasn’t filmed? Or rather before I kinda never really cared how I looked then…" I sighed and Charles shook his head.

"Yes, you can wear that. You look good. Ready for an intense work out." he laughed and grabbed his phone "Andrea is ready, can we go?"

"Sure. Let’s go." I nodded and we left for the gym where JK and Andrea waited for us, together with the film crew.

"We just position 2 cameras here and over there and have Tom walk around you. The rest of us will stay in the back." Elijah explained and we nodded "Alright, ready when you are then. Ready, and action."

When 90 minutes later, Elijah and the rest of the crew left I plopped down on the floor, arms and legs spread out like a star.

"Did we really have to do the most intense work out session ever in front of Netflix? I sweat like hell!" I groaned and JK laughed.

"You had no work out now for 5 days. You can handle it." he replied and I chuckled.

"Who said I didn’t work out?" I wiggled my eyebrows and he laughed.

"That doesn’t count!"

"Why not? It’s also an intense work out! Sometimes even multiple times a day."

"Impressive."

"Can you stop talking about that?" Charles looked at us while Andrea behind him had to fight for his life to not burst out laughing.

"Why? You should be proud!" JK chuckled and pulled me up, handing me a bottle of water.

"Multiple times a day? Not bad!" Andrea let out and Charles glared at him "Oh come on! Don’t be shy now!"

"No, stop talking about that, because we’re not alone anymore." Charles said right when the glass doors of the gym opened and Pierre walked in and we all but stared at him.

"Umm. Hi?" he said slowly.

"Gossip Girl." Charles greeted him and I laughed and hugged him next.

"What did I miss?" Pierre asked and Charles patted his back.

"Nothing, we were just talking about our work outs."

"Our intense work outs." I added.

"Wow. Interesting." he shrugged and I laughed.

"Absolutely."

"You guys are ready?"

"Yup. The gym is all yours!" Charles grabbed his towel.

"See you later tonight?" I asked and Pierre nodded.

"Yep, Daniel and Max are joining us as well." he said and I smiled.

"Alright. Have fun!"

"What about a nice lunch on the terrace?" Charles asked when he put on a fresh shirt after we had a shower.

"I’m in. I could eat." I finished blow drying my hair and made a loose bun "Ready?"

"After you, my lady." he opened the door and I walked out.

"What a gentleman." I chuckled.

"Always for you."

We got inside the elevator and as we arrived in the lobby and walked out Charles looked at his phone.

"That’s Sylvia. She wants me to call her because of the event tomorrow." he sighed and I patted his arm "Why don’t you go and find us a nice table and I call her real quick."

"Okay." I kissed his cheek and walked outside on the beachfront terrace to find a nice spot in the sun when I got a text from Dr. Lindner, reminding me of our session in 15 minutes. I already had an unsent excuse to cancel the session, not wanting to talk about the last few weeks.

"Excuse me, Miss, you’re stealing my sun." sunglasses and hat on his head, in shorts and t-shirt Dr. Lindner looked up from his armchair and I was taken aback.

"What are you doing here?" I looked at him.

"If the mountain will not go to Mahomet, let Mahomet go to the mountain." he grinned.

"Oh wow, really?" I chuckled.

"Your last therapy session was more than 3 weeks ago, you cancelled 4 appointments and after Mexico I basically texted you daily that we should talk… but apparently you were busy." he chided and nodded towards the chair next to him and I plopped down in it.

"I’m driving in F1, travelling around the world, a Netflix crew is following me and I have to attend sponsor events, I also have a boyfriend and I love spending my little free time that I have with him."

"Oh yeah, you and that Charles Leclerc guy, I’ve seen it all over social media. How’s that going." he joked and pulled out his notebook and pen.

"He’s not coming back, right?" I sighed.

"No, he’s not."

"So you both tricked me?" Charles was really convincing, I had to give that to him.

"Like I said. I think we need to talk. And the fact that you don’t want to, just confirms my theory."

"Do you really want to do this here? In public?" I asked and looked nervously around.

"Almost no one is here and besides, I don’t think that someone understands us anyway… German maybe, but Swabian, come on now." he laughed and I nodded, he was right "So… ready to unpack the drama that seems to follow you around?"

"Can’t wait." I mumbled waving the waiter over "Hi, umm can I get a raspberry caipirinha? For you Doc?"

"Beer, lager, whatever brand you would recommend." Dr. Lindner said and the waiter smiled and walked away.

"Okay. Then let’s talk."

After 40 minutes Dr. Lindner looked once over his notes and then closed the book.

"You see, I don’t love the drama. It loves me." I concluded.

"Something I realised quite early when I met you…" he chuckled "But don’t you think this is also a chance?"

"A chance? For what exactly?"

"A chance to say fuck it and don’t care anymore? It’s all out in the open now. There’s nothing to hide anymore."

"And you think it’s that easy?" I laughed.

"No, I never said it was easy. But look at what you’ve overcome already. I think you have the strength in you to make it. You just need to have enough faith in you, just like everyone around you has."

I thought about his words, I was scared what people would say if they knew about Charles and me. But the truth was, even before we were together people talked the same shit like they did now. Nothing changed, just the fact that they now talked about us as a real couple and not a presumed one.

"Yeah, you’re right. I really can say fuck it now."

"Can I join you?" Daniel asked and I turned around.

"Sure." I waved him over and he sat down.

"How are you?"

"Good? I guess. I don’t know." I laughed and Daniel shook his head.

"Yeah. The last weeks, it was a lot. What am I saying? The whole season… the public never really made it easy for you."

"No, not really. But I’m used to it. I mean sure, it’s still not easy reading or listening to all that bullshit, but I can’t change that… and I’m tired of trying. It is what it is. A whole lot of people hate me. There problem. Not mine."

"That’s the right mindset!" Daniel chuckled and took a swig from his beer "So umm… I wanted to ask you something… I mean, you saw me butt naked hiding in your sisters closet in Monza, so umm- yeah you know that her and I are… well we’re seeing each other."

"Yeah, I’m aware of that…"

"I just wanted to let you know that this with your sister… it’s not just a casual fling or something. It’s more. So much more… I- I love her." he looked at me and I smiled.

"That’s good to hear, really. I’m happy for you two!"

"I just need to know one thing… of course we talked about or ex partners and our past but she was really reluctant when it came to Liam’s dad, I didn’t want to push her too much, but I don’t know… when she talked about him, I had the feeling that she’s scared of him? Or that something horrible happened? But she won’t tell me. And it’s okay. I figured that it wouldn’t be easy… but I need to know. Is she scared of him? And if so, why, what happened? Do I have to protect her from him? Will he make any trouble if he finds out about us?" he looked at me with big eyes.

"She should tell you that herself, Daniel. I know my sister all too well. I know how she will shut you out of that, but you need to try. You need to show her that you stay. That you’re in for the long run. She’s been through a lot. Her ex… he was an asshole. We never liked him. He manipulated her. He controlled her. And to be honest that it could go this far was partly my fault, my parents were so busy with me and my career that my siblings were left to their own devices more than once. We knew that he wasn’t a good guy. We tried to reason with her. But she didn’t listen. She said she finally found someone who put her before everything. I knew that it was a dig towards me, being the one taking away all my parents attention. She was happy for once. He was sweet and charming in the beginning, showered her with love and attention. Attention she never got because of me. Of course she was falling fast and deep. Moved in with him, made him the centre of her life. But he changed… let’s say, he wasn’t the guy she fell in love with anymore. She never told us anything. She kept it all bottled up. Probably because she was scared of us saying told you so. When she got pregnant… after a couple of weeks there was a shift. Like she realised that she couldn’t have a child with him, couldn’t raise a child in that environment, then she told my mum everything. And I had to stop five guys from committing a murder…"

"Five?"

"My Dad, Marcus and the Leclerc boys."

"She has a lot of good guys taking care of her." Daniel smiled.

"And now she has one more."

"Yeah… but what you were saying about her ex… I should be worried then? Or at least alerted?"

"A little worry and awareness never killed nobody, right?" I downed my drink.

"No, probably not." he leaned back and we sat in silence for a while "You know that it’s not your fault? That he did what he did?"

"Of course it’s not my fault. But maybe if my parents weren’t that busy with me, she wouldn’t cling to the first guy who was a little nice and charming and gave her attention…" I said bitterly.

"No Lizzie. Your sister told me that it had nothing to do with you. Or your parents. She never felt neglected or anything. She was old enough to understand what was going on, that you needed that support." Daniel reassured me as Charles joined us.

"You guys okay? You’re gone for a while now?" he sat down next to me and I nodded.

"Yeah, we were just talking a little." I said and Daniel nodded.

"The guys are ready to leave…"

"Okay, let’s go then." Daniel said and we got up.

Back in the hotel Charles looked at me while I brushed my teeth, washed my face and did my hair, but he kept quiet.

"Okay, ask whatever you have to ask!" I said when I got into bed.

"You and Daniel, about what did you talk? There was a weird tension between you guys when I came outside…"

"He told me he loves Sissy. That he’s in for the long run."

"But that’s a good thing? No?" Charles cocked an eyebrow.

"He asked about Sven… because my sister isn’t telling him much…" I sighed and leaned back.

"Oh… and what did you say?"

"That he should ask her… I only told him that he’s an asshole and that she’s been through a lot because of him…"

"It’s better when she tells him the whole story herself, you’re right." Charles got in bed as well, pulling me against him "But I’m happy for them. Really. She deserves a good guy like Daniel."

"She really does." I snuggled into his side.

When the race week officially started on Wednesday with media day I stood nervously in front of the mirror, doing my hair.

"You look amazing, stop being so nervous. It’s not the first time we arrive together at the paddock!" Charles chuckled, grabbing his phone, sunglasses and cap.

"No, but it’s the first time since we’re a couple. Do we hold hands? Will they expect us to kiss? I’m just… I don’t know, okay?"

"Okay, first off, we don’t care what they want, only what we want. Second, we walk in like always. You and me. Together. If you want to hold my hand for support, do it, if not. That’s fine as well. Don’t worry." Charles calmed me down and I nodded.

I saw the photographers, reporter and fans all looking our way when I scanned my paddock pass and the crowd that gathered made me grasp Charles hand, holding it tight.

"It’s okay, cara mia. Just focus on me. It’s all good." he reassured me, pulling me to his side, squeezing my hand. He navigated us through the crowd and we took pictures with fans, signing stuff but still made our way towards our hospitalities "See that wasn’t too bad, I’ll pick you up later for the press conference."

I nodded and kissed his cheek, turning around to walk inside but he grasped my wrist and pulled me in, kissing me fiercely.

"I want a real kiss from now on. We don‘t have to hide anymore."

"Okay…" I said breathlessly and Charles swiped a loose strand out of my face before he left.

"Here they are, our lovebirds!" Max laughed and Charles rolled his eyes while I chuckled a little.

"When’s the wedding?" George joked and hugged me to his side.

"Why? You think you get invited?" Charles raised an eyebrow and I laughed.

"Ouch!" George held his hand over his heart "That hurts!"

"Who says they get married anyways? That’s so old school!" Pierre stated and I nodded.

"You tell 'em!" I replied and could’ve sworn I saw a flicker of sadness in Charles face for a second.

"Drivers?" an F1 official called us in and we walked inside, sitting down.

Thankfully Tom Clarkson didn’t ask or say anything about Charles and I, but I knew as soon as he would open up the floor the questions would fly around like crazy. And I was right. From when it all started, to how it started, to why we kept it hidden, everything was asked but Charles and I tried to stay as vague as possible, we discussed beforehand that we didn’t want to share too many details.

"Alright, we have time for one last question, yes, the lady in blue please."

"Susan Boulder, CBS Sports, question for Max, Pierre and George. You all know Charles and Lizzie for a really long time, raced against each other in karting then later in F3 and F2, now in F1. What do you guys think of the two being a couple and racing against each other? How do the drivers think about the whole matter in general?"

"I mean, it’s not really a surprise now, is it? We all were basically just waiting for the moment when these two finally admit that they were dating… I think they showed over the course of the season that they can be a couple and still battle hard on the track. We’re all now rooting for the first grid baby." George chuckled and I blushed, Charles just laughed.

"Yeah, George’s right. It’s not a surprise! I know them since I was 8 or so and always knew that they would end up together one day… when I was younger I even was jealous of Charles, I mean we all kinda were! Around 13 or 14ish some of us had a huge crush on Lizzie but she only cared for Charles. She broke a lot of hearts. But no. All jokes aside. I’m happy for these guys and if that grid baby plops out, it will have a whole grid full of uncles." Max said and I looked at him with wide eyes "What?" he asked me and Pierre chuckled.

"I think Lizzie never knew that a lot of the guys back in the day had a huge crush on her." Pierre said and I shook my head "I was one of them, but just for a short while… but yeah, you can ask everyone who was with us in karting, Esteban, Alex, Lando, a lot of the guys had a crush on her… I remember that there were even fights over who would sit next to Lizzie. Some of the guys even said the race winner should be allowed to sit next to her. And in the end she always broke our hearts by sitting down next to Charles." Pierre laughed and he nudged my shoulder.

"Lizzie? Your thoughts on that?"

"Umm- I honestly had no idea… I mean, yeah I don’t know what to say, it’s just crazy? The race winner should be allowed to sit next to me? Really?" my face was red. Dark red. And Charles took my hand in his and squeezed it.

"I’m just glad that I was the one to win that race." he said and now I had to laugh.

"Oh you’re so freaking cheesy! What race? The race to my heart?" I said and he nodded.

"Yup. Most important race of my life."

When we walked outside, Pierre pulled me to his side, but before he could say something Charles nudged in between us, pulling me tight to his body, his hand on my waist.

"Stay away from my girl!" Charles said and I had to contain a giggle.

"That wasn’t a problem before?" Pierre asked, grinning like a devil.

"Yeah? That was before I knew you had a real crush on her! All of you! I always just thought you said that to tease me! To annoy me! So stay away from my girl, Gasly!" Charles glared at him.

"Oh come on, calamar! I’m just messing with you! We all are, right guys?" Pierre laughed, patting Charles back.

"Yeah, absolutely…" Max said sarcastically and Charles shoved Pierre away.

"Oh look! Alex, mate! Come on over… you remember back in the day, when we all had a huge crush on Lizzie?" Pierre said and Alex laughed.

"How could I forget that? She was my first heartache!" Alex said, grasping his heart dramatically "I think I never got over the fact that when I gave her my juice box she took Charles’ one instead."

"Oh fuck off, Albono!" Charles groaned and I bursted out laughing.

"You brought me cranberry juice, Alex! I never liked that. Charles had a tropical punch… that was the fuel on the way to my heart!" I chuckled and Charles pinched my side.

"Careful cara mia, or I’ll make you regret your words later on…" he whispered in my ear and I bit my lip.

"If that’s not Lizzie, the girl of my 14 year old self’s dreams!" Esteban laughs as we passed him.

"Okay stop! I don’t give a fuck who actually had a crush on Lizzie, or who just did it to rile me up! That’s over now. My girl. Okay? Mine. Only mine. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours." Charles said, pointing out at each of the guys separately before he stopped and looked at Pierre "And most definitely not yours. Mine." he pulled me in and kissed me fiercely and I was perplexed "And now my girl and I leave you idiots. Good-fucking-bye!" he grabbed my hand gently, pulling me away and I mouthed to the guys a silent sorry. Although I had to be honest, seeing Charles this riled up and possessive made me feel all kinds of things, most of them in between my legs.

"Didn’t know you were that possessive." I said after a few moments and he chuckled.

"When it comes to you? Always!" he kissed the side of my head "I’ll pick you up later on? The meeting shouldn’t be too long."

"Alright. Same for me. Just text me when you’re ready and then I’ll let you know."

The whole weekend went by in a blur, with Netflix following my every step. Our car worked fantastic here on Interlagos and when I parked on the P2 spot after quali, not many people were surprised. Charles hopped out of his car and walked straight up to me.

"Hey polesitter." I laughed, pulling off helmet and balaclava.

"Hey almost polesitter." he smiled, kissing my cheek.

"I thought you want real kisses?"

"Yeah but not when everyone is staring at us…" he laughed nervously and I smiled.

"Yes! Thank you! I was honestly really nervous because of that!"

"Me kissing you?" he asked.

"No! You kissing me, here, giving the audience a little show."

"Don’t worry. I save that for your or my next win." he squeezed my waist and then walked to his team, I walked to mine.

"I think we’re having a real chance tomorrow!" I said to Pete and he nodded.

"Definitely!" Felix added "Maybe it’s going to be another win."

I chuckled. Another win would be nice. But Charles in front and Max and George behind me definitely wouldn’t make it that easy for me. Another win would be a really tough fight. A fight I was willing to take on.

As I expected it, the battle with Charles, Max and George was intense. Whereas Charles stayed most of the time in front, I had to defend hard from Max and George, but in the end I could create a big enough gap to focus on Charles. The very last lap of the race was crucial. I crossed the finish line. What an amazing race. But the penalty was making it oh so bittersweet.

"Was it enough?" milliseconds that felt like ages were passing by as I waited for Pete’s answer. I gripped the steering wheel in a tight grip. Every fibre of my body ready to burst into either euphoria or devastation.

"You’re a two time race winner, Lizzie!" Pete cheered and I felt relief flooding me, together with the sweet taste of victory.

"Fucking hell! Wooohooo! YES! We did it guys! We did it!" I screamed.

"Fantastic job! Brilliant!"

"I love you guys! What a brilliant strategy call! What a fantastic pit stop! Amazing! Fucking amazing!" I felt like on cloud 9.

But right as I parked my car in P1, I looked to the left, watching as Charles parked his car next to mine. From the way he held his head, I knew how he felt. And when he climbed out of his car, head hung low, all the happiness I felt a moment ago was gone, replaced by sorrow. I got out of my car, walking to Charles, trying to talk to him but he only shook his head, pulled me into his arms for a second.

"Congrats, cara mia!" he whispered and squeezed my hand, then turned to his team, walking away, hugging them, ignoring me for now. I gulped and walked up to my team, their loud chants and happy singing not making me feel any better at all. I didn’t even hear what they were saying, just stood there, letting them pat my back, arms, helmet. The whole interview, cool down room, even on the podium I felt a tension between Charles and me. He smiled. Poured champagne over me. Pulled me to his side for the photo, even kissed the side of my head when we walked off. But he didn’t say a single word, other than congrats.

I was dreading the press conference. I knew people would pick up the tension between us and would ask questions to make us react. I tried to stay as neutral as possible. Only stating facts. Charles did the same. It was the last question that made me feel more than uncomfortable, when we were asked why we were so cold towards each other after the race, that they expected a little bit more of PDA.

"We’re still professional athletes and this is our job. You won’t see us making out when one of us won a race. We react the way we react. Today it was maybe because the adrenaline was still raging through our bodies, after that last lap, so we maybe didn’t jump happily in each other’s arms being all happy. But I want to say this, I’m more than happy for Lizzie. She’s a brilliant driver and displayed it today again. I’m incredibly proud of her." Charles said and I looked at him, he smiled a little and nodded.

"Alright. That’s it for tonight. Thank you all, see you next week in Abu Dhabi for the last race of the season!" Tom Clarkson ended the press conference and Charles jumped up, waiting for me to follow him outside.

Charles POV:

"Can you please say something?" she looked at me with pleading eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking my hoodie off.

"I want you to say something!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don’t know? Anything!" she sounded frustrated.

"Anything?" I raised an eyebrow and sat down on the sofa, taking my phone out.

"Yes! Anything! Since after the race you haven’t said a single word! You congratulated me and since then nothing. Cool down room, no words. Podium, no words. Walk to the press conference, no words. After that walking back, no words. You waited for me, no words. While driving back here, no words. So please just say something! Anything! If it helps yell at me! But just say something!" she was getting mad.

"What Lizzie? What else can I say than what I already said during the press conference? You didn’t leave me any space, I had nowhere else to go. It was either you or breaking heavily, which would’ve ruined my already screwed tyres." I didn’t want to get over it again.

"But I was in front." she countered.

"No, you weren’t." I sighed leaning back.

"I was."

"Okay."

"That’s it? Okay?"

"What else?"

"I don’t know! Can you just say something other than that diplomatic shit?" she spat out and I sat up.

"Why? It’s no use. I got the penalty. It’s done. You forced me to make that move. Your tyres were even more done for than mine. You knew that this was your last chance to pass me, but even then it would’ve been a miracle if you could’ve stayed in front of me, our straight line speed is way faster than yours. You knew the only way to win was to force me into this move, and stupid me took the bait." I said emotionless and she stopped her pacing, looking at me.

"What?" she sounded genuinely confused.

"What? You wanted me to say something. Anything. And I did." I got up and grabbed a bottle of water.

"No, that’s not what I meant. You think I tricked you? You think I did it on purpose?"

"Oh come on Lizzie! That move? We perfectioned it back in GP3. Forcing someone to force you off track." I said bitterly.

"Yeah, but I would never… you really think I did it on purpose?"

"I don’t know, okay? It looked like it. You could’ve braked. You had enough time to do it. But you decided against it. You didn’t brake. I didn’t brake. I forced you off track because I already was too far gone and braking would cost me my tyres. You came back behind me, but I got the penalty." I took a big gulp of water and sat down again, while Lizzie just looked incredulous at me.

"Okay, tell me if I get this right. You think that I came this close and didn’t brake to force you into braking or forcing me off of track, which the latter happened. Then you got a penalty for forcing me off of track and lost your win. And all the reaction I get from you is this?" she waved her hands at me and I tilted my head "Why aren’t you mad at me?"

"Who says I’m not? But it’s already done? I can’t change it anymore."

"Yeah maybe but you could at least say it. Let your emotions out."

"Do you want me to yell at you?" I was confused now.

"Yes! I want you to be mad an-…"

"I am mad!"

"Then show it!"

"What the fuck? What would it change?"

"If it was Carlos, Max, Checo whoever, you would’ve stormed up to them after the race and be furious! But because it was me you just accepted it and that was it." she was furious.

"You think I let it slip because you’re my girlfriend?"

"Yes you did!"

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

"No! Not whatever! I don’t want you to treat me differently!"

"I didn’t! Or did you miss that I, in fact, did not brake and went full on into you! Forced you off track! Just because I didn’t start shit after the race doesn’t mean that I’m not fucking mad. I am. It was as shitty move. But then again, I don’t know if I wouldn’t have done it as well in your position. But I’m not sitting here now and have a fight or whatever this is with you about it!" I was frustrated. Why did she want to fight? Why didn’t she want to just leave it be and celebrate her win?

"See! You don’t even think that we’re fighting!"

"What? Lizzie you don’t make any sense right now! You won. I didn’t. End of the story."

"No! Not end of the story. I want you to have the same reaction with me like you would have with any other driver!"

"BUT YOU‘RE NOT ANY OTHER DRIVER FOR FUCKS SAKE!" I was seething "There, I said it. Is that what you wanted? Yes, I would’ve called out any other driver after that! I definitely would be really fucking pissed. And I am really fucking pissed! But why do you want to fight so bad? Why do you want me to scream and shout? FUCK!"

"BECAUSE I DON‘T WANT YOU TO TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY JUST BECAUSE I‘M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!" she full on screamed.

She stood there, face red, breathing heavily, staring at me. Waiting for my reaction. I got up, grabbed my phone, wallet and jacket and looked at her.

"I’m not doing this, whatever this is, Lizzie. I’m sorry, but you are my girlfriend and if that causes a problem for you, then I can’t change it." I put on my shoes and walked out the door. We both needed to cool off.

I didn’t sleep. Not one second. I was lying awake in bed. Staring at the ceiling. Not knowing what happened. Was it me? Did I push him too much? Because I wanted him to have a reaction? But he should have one. He should be mad at me the way he would be with any other driver. I couldn’t be an exception just because I was his girlfriend. That’s not fair. That’s not how this should work. I texted Charles again. No reply. I called. No answer. I groaned frustrated and checked the time. 1:11 am. Great. At 6:45 we had to leave for the airport. And I had no idea where Charles was. Packing up our suitcases, searching through the room to not forget anything I questioned myself. Why did I react like this? Why didn’t I leave it be. Was this what I feared? That he would treat me differently, now that everyone knew that I was his girlfriend? But then again, would he react or rather not react like this if we were still keeping us a secret? My head began to throb and I laid down. But sleep wouldn’t find me. Instead I waited for Charles to come back.

The door opened and Charles walked in. He quietly closed it, slipped off his shoes and then slowly made his way into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed I sat up against the headboard, waiting for him. To occupy myself I took out my phone and scrolled through Instagram, just to be greeted with a bunch of pictures of Charles, partying away with Pierre, Daniel and Yuki. Surrounded by a bunch of girls. Empty bottles all over the table. I put my phone down as the bathroom door opened again and Charles walked out. He stopped in the doorframe when he saw I was awake and then switched off the light, walking to his side of the bed, lying down. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t look at me. Silence. Right as he turned his back to me I grabbed my phone again, looking at an article, I opened before.

"’Charles Leclerc parties alone without race winner and girlfriend Lizzie Doetterer after controversial penalty at Brazilian GP’." I read aloud and watched how Charles back tensed. He stayed silent and I checked the time before I put my phone away, shuffling down on my pillow.

3:27. In less than three hours we had to get up. At this point I knew I wouldn’t get a single second of sleep, so I stared again at the ceiling, waiting for the time ticking away. Charles next to me was also awake, but he didn’t move nor made a sound. I was getting frustrated and grabbed my phone again, putting my AirPods in and played some music, opening Instagram again, clicked through the pictures and videos, just to torment myself a little more. The guys seemed to have a lot of fun. And the gorgeous Brazilian girls around them seemed to enjoy their time with the drivers as well. Most of the pictures and clips were blurry, to figure out what happened wasn’t the easiest, but when I swiped to the next picture my heart dropped. It was blurry. Really blurry. But it was Charles. The hair. The profile. The stature, posture, clothes. It was Charles with a beautiful brunette, arms slung around his neck, his hands on her waist, body’s pressed to each other. Kissing. I whimpered and got up. My phone flew through the air, landing with a loud thud on the floor. I slammed the door shut and made it just in time to throw up straight into the toilet. Emptying my stomach, while searing, hot tears were streaming down my face. I sat back, wiped my mouth with the sleeve of Charles’ hoodie that I was wearing. With every heartbeat a wave of pain wrecked through my body. I grabbed one of the glasses on the sink and filled it with water, rinsed my mouth and then leaned back against the cold tiles. Knees pulled up to my chest. Tears still streaming down my face, muffled cries and sobs echoing from the walls. I pushed him away. I pushed him this far. It was my fault. I was so deep down in my sorrow that I didn’t even hear the door opening and Charles walking in. I flinched when he sat down next to me, pulling me into his lap. I tried to fight against his hold, tried to wiggle away, but he held me close. Didn’t let go of me.

"I don’t know what’s going on with you, why you so desperately tried to start a fight, but one thing I know for sure, nothing, you hear me, nothing, you say or do could ever make me stop loving you. Nothing could push me into the arms of any other girl on this planet, okay? I know what you think. And although this dude really looks like me, which is scary, it’s not me. You hear me? That’s not me!" he whispered against my head and I chuckled dryly.

"Yeah sure, that’s what all men say when they get caught." I cried although I wanted to believe his words more than anything.

"Lizzie, look at it. Come on. Look at it. Look closely." he grabbed my chin, tilting my head so I could see the picture. Still him.

"That’s you." I whispered.

"Look at the watch." he zoomed in on it.

A golden Rolex. I grabbed Charles’ wrist, turned it around. White Richard Mille. I swallowed hard. Burying my face in his chest.

"I don’t even own a Rolex. Also, look at this dude here in the back…" he chuckled and I glanced on the phone, looking at the person Charles pointed at. Himself. Next to Yuki. Laughing. "I have the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, sweet, caring and slightly crazy girl on this planet as my girlfriend. How stupid do you think I am, doing shit like that, losing you?"

"I’m sorry. For Everything. I don’t even know why I was trying to rile you up. I swear the second you left I was asking myself what’s wrong with me…" I whispered and he chuckled.

"It’s okay…" he kissed my head but I shook it.

"It’s not! I was a total bitch." I groaned.

"Stop, okay? I’m at fault here as well. I ran away, again. Instead of staying and talking with you about what was going on, I left. Because I hate fighting with you. I love when we’re arguing about little things, I love our bickering and bantering. But I hate fighting with you. Real fighting. I don’t want that. So I guess that’s why I left. But I can’t always keep running away…"

"But I push you to run away, that is even worse." I sighed.

"We’re both in the wrong, okay? We have to talk about things like this. Talk not scream. Stay not run away."

"Yeah…"

"But cara mia? You have to promise me one thing…" Charles whispered and I looked up at him "Please, never assume again that I would ever cheat on you! I would never do that, never! I thought I lost you too many times already, I could never do anything to really lose you. Please believe me."

"I believe you! And I trust you. I think it was just… I don’t know, the way I behaved? I couldn’t even be mad if you would’ve chea-…" I began but he stopped me with a soft kiss.

"Nothing makes cheating okay." he whispered then and got up with me in his arms "And now let’s go. Let’s have at least 2 hours of sleep before we have to leave!" he carried me to the bed and tucked us both in, my back flush to his chest "I’m sorry for being so cold towards you after the race… I was just… I wanted that win so badly… one last win this season. Next week will be Max’s win, Abu Dhabi is a track that suits the RB way more than us. But still. I should’ve been way more happy for you. Show more support. I’m sorry." he whispered into my neck and I shook my head.

"It’s okay. I understand you! I would probably feel the same! And you know what? You might even be right, I think I knew exactly what I was doing, forcing you into that move. It was just happening in a split second that I couldn’t really grasp it fully… sorry."

"It’s okay. You won. I’m second. As long as you and I are okay, I’m happy." he kissed my head "And now we really need to sleep! Come on now, cara mia. One last race and we finally have a couple of weeks just for us!"

"I can’t wait."

"So Lizzie, ready for our Secret Santa?" Angelina, the content creator for F1 said and I nodded. The last race weekend in Abu Dhabi started with some last filming for F1. Under the sun of the United Arab Emirates I sat, wearing a Santa hat, smiling into the cameras, Charles behind it, watching me.

"Yup and let me tell you something, it was really funny to look for the perfect little gift." I laughed, the bell of my Santa hat ringing.

"We can’t wait to see what you’ve bought, but now it’s your turn, here you go." she handed me a present and I took it, carefully shaking it.

"That’s the first thing I always do when I get a present. Alright, let’s unwrap." I carefully ripped the beautifully wrapped present open, a sleek, black box "That looks posh." I chuckled and opened up the box, unfolding the satin paper and gasped a little "Oh wow. I know exactly who that is from." I pulled a beautiful Burberry scarf out of the box, wrapping it around my neck.

"Yeah? Who is it then? And why are you so sure?" Angelina asked.

"This beautiful scarf is from my dear, posh, British friend George Russell, who I called back in F2 Mr. Burberry because he’s like so typical British, in a good way! He’s polite, he’s cocky, he has this dry sense of humour. And he once wore a Burberry shirt and I was just like yeah, he’s Mr. Burberry from now on. So thank you a lot, George, for this beauty of a scarf. Happy Christmas!" I smiled into the camera.

"Alright. Perfect." she clapped her hands together and I got up "Charles, you’re up next." she turned to him, behind the camera and he nodded, switching places with me, not without pinching my side as he walked past me.

"Alright Charles, here you go. Your present." Angelina handed him his present and he smiled.

"Thank you." he ripped off the paper first and then opened up the box inside, laughing. He pulled out four pairs of socks. Two black ones and two white once "Oh look at that. Socks. But not just any socks… no, couple socks…" he laughed and held up the two white pairs, both with a cute smiley face on them and tiny hands holding each other with a magnet "I wonder who that’s from." he looked at me and I had to suppress my laughter "Oh, wait, there’s more." he picked out the custom made iPhone case, laughing even more "Yeah, I got it. My phone needs protection, cara mia, thank you." he rolled his eyes playfully.

"So you know who it’s from?" Angelina asked and Charles smiled.

"From my beautiful girlfriend. Thank you, Lizzie!" he replied, looking first into the camera and then at me.

"Alright, thank you two so much! See you guys next year!" she said and Charles got up.

"Merry Christmas, guys!" he said and I nodded.

"Yeah! Enjoy your down time! See you next season!" I smiled and we walked off.

"The socks are cute." Charles snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"I saw a TikTok and just knew they would be perfect!" I chuckled a little "And your phone is in severe need of any form of protection."

"That’s true!" he laughed "Let’s drop off our presents and then we have to go to the press conference."

"Yeah. I really don’t want to go." I sighed.

"Seb?" Charles asked and I nodded.

"It’s so unfair! I finally made it into F1 and could only race alongside him for one season!" I was really upset about Seb’s retirement, although I understood his reasons all too well.

"Alright everyone. Last press conference of the year. With me Lizzie Doetterer, Audi, Charles Leclerc, Scuderia Ferrari, Max Verstappen, RedBull Racing, Daniel Ricciardo, McLaren and for the last time ever Sebastian Vettel, Aston Martin." Tom Clarkson began and I looked at Seb, at how at ease he was, I didn’t even listen to what was said. I just looked at Seb and knew that he was making the right decision, retiring now, although I would miss him dearly.

"Now to you Lizzie, we all know that Seb was kind of a mentor for you, how did you feel when you saw the video, knowing he would retire at the end of the season. How do you feel now, as it is his last race?"

"Seb is more than just a mentor, he became a good friend over the years. He was always there for me, whenever I needed him. After my accident he sent me every day an uplifting quote, god how I hated it at times. So yeah, when he texted me a couple of days before his official announcement that he decided to retire I was shocked. And I tried my best to change his mind, as we see, unsuccessfully. But I understand him. The life we’re living is tough. Fast. Unstable. It’s not made for a family and Seb is a dad through and through. I’m happy for him. I know that his choice was the right one for him. He already knows that there’s always a paddock pass waiting for him." I said and Seb put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it.

"Alright. Let’s open the floor for some questions."

Most of the questions were for Seb obviously, how he felt, what would be his next goal, his plans, what he would miss.

"John Bridgers, BBC. Lizzie, I heard you have a special something prepared for Seb this weekend?"

"Yep, I have a special helmet this weekend. It’s inspired from Seb’s helmet with a little farewell message." Seb turned, looking at me "You’ll love it. Don’t worry." I chuckled a little.

"Thank you, kiddo." he smiled.

"We have time for one last question." Clarkson said and pointed at a man in the back.

"Mike Henley, AllSportsUS. Question for Charles and Lizzie. With everyone now knowing about your relationship, there’s one question coming up: who’s the WAG?"

Max and Daniel next to us started laughing hysterically, Seb only chuckled.

"He is."

"She is."

We both said it at the same time, looking at each other, grinning.

“I am."

"I am."

Again at the same time and we started to laugh.

"I’m Lizzie’s WAG and she is my WAG." Charles said and Daniel laughed even harder.

"You’re no WAG, Charles, you’re a…" Daniel starts and pauses to think.

"He’s a HAB!" I exclaimed and Max thought for a second then laughed again.

"Husbands and Boyfriends." he chuckled.

"So, Charles is my HAB and I’m his WAG." I said.

"Then we’ll have it sorted." Charles concluded and the reporter chuckled satisfied.

"That’s it for today. We wish you all a good, last race weekend and maybe I see some of you on Sunday." Clarkson ended the press conference and we walked out, Seb throwing his arm around my shoulder.

"I wanted to swap helmets with you today. But not if you have a special one designed. I also thought that you should keep your helmet from your first season." he chuckled a little.

"No! I have my other helmet here as well! I want to swap! Really! Yeah it’s the helmet of my first season. But not the one I won my first race in! So I can definitely swap with you!" I said and he nodded.

"Alright. Deal." he smiled and I heard a camera clicking, looking up.

"That was a cute moment I had to capture." Daniel shrugged his shoulders and I nodded.

"As long as I get a copy."

"Of course."

"I hate this weekend already. It’s not just you who’s leaving Seb! Danny won’t be here because if fucking Zack Brown, Mick won’t be here because of fucking Günther Steiner! Oh Nicky leaves as well! What a shit show." I sighed.

"I’m not retiring! I’m just exploring new options." Daniel said, but I saw the sadness in his eyes and it made me even more furious "Don’t worry, Liz, I’ll be back."

"I hope so!" I waved them all goodbye and entered the Audi hospitality.

"Lizzie, can we maybe film a little sequence of your thoughts on this weekend?" Elijah awaited me already.

"Now?"

"Just a few words. Maybe in your drivers room?"

"Okay." I sighed and walked upstairs, sitting down on my sofa "So, what do you want to hear?"

They set up the camera real quick and the microphone, hung over my head, out of frame.

"Last race of your first season in Formula 1. Can you reflect on the past months? What were your highlights? The not so nice parts?"

"It’s been a crazy few months, that’s for sure. It’s been a good season over all. Few ups and downs here and there, but we managed quite well in the end. I’m so proud of my team, they’ve done an incredible job. Were there moments that I wished they were different? Of course. Some weekends were just messed up. Miami, Baku, Canada, Hungary, Zandvoort… Mexico. To name some. But then of course we have Bahrain, my first race and podium! Monaco my almost first win! In Silverstone then my actual first win! Last week my second win! I mean. It’s been a good season and we want to finish on a high."

"Alright. Perfect. That’s it, thanks Lizzie." Elijah got up and the film crew left my room "We’re done for today. We’ll see you tomorrow."

"Yup. I can’t wait!" I joked and he chuckled, walking back downstairs. I packed my bag and followed them, looking for Dad. He read something on his iPad intently. I looked at him, his expression almost sad, eyes dead.

"Dad?" I asked and sat next to him "What’s going on? What happened?"

"Hmm? Oh nothing. All good." he cleared his throat, closed the web browser and put his iPad on the table "So. How was the press conference?"

"It was okay? Dad, what’s going on?" I asked again but he just shook his head "What did you read that was so horrible?" no reaction. I grabbed the iPad and opened the browser, then the history and an article plopped up about Charles and Dad. I was confused and started to read. With every line I was getting more furious, I clicked on the attached clip and looked up at Dad and he just looked outside, watching the busy paddock. As I was about to say something the doors of our hospitality flew open with a loud bang and Charles stormed in. He stopped in front of Dad and before he could say anything Charles pulled him up into a hug.

"Don’t believe a single word of this bullshit! Not one word is true! I don’t know who wrote it and I don’t care because it’s not true! Nothing of it! I never said anything like that because how could I? You might not be my Dad but you are like one to me! To all of us! You always took care of us! And I’m so thankful for having you in our life’s! Don’t ever doubt that, Pops!" Charles said and I felt my eyes well up.

"It’s okay, Charles you don’t have to say tha-…" Dad began but Charles shook his head.

"I’m not just saying it. I mean it. You were always there for us, no matter what, and whoever wrote that bullshit can fuck right off." Charles looked at him intently "Okay?"

"Okay." Dad mumbled and I could swear I saw him wiping away a tear.

I watched how they sat down and started talking and thought about that article. Since Japan it was awfully quiet. No new message from Diaz. Nothing. Then the leaked video of Charles and me. Now this article with a clip where dad fights with a nurse calling Charles his son. I had no proof, but I was sure. It was him. It was Diaz.

The weekend went by in a breeze and I finally looked up at the lights. For the last time this year I waited for them to go out. Starting from P5. Max, Perez, Charles and Sainz in front of me. I managed to overtake Sainz right at the start and battled for a while with Charles who then was able to create a gap, I couldn’t get ahold of him from then on, my pace no match to his. The battle behind me was surprisingly more entertaining, with Seb making his way close behind Russell who fought off Sainz.

"Lizzie, Perez with a 5 second penalty. 3.7 seconds ahead. You fight now for podium. Keep up the pace!"

Amazing. Finishing the season on the podium would be amazing. As I breezed past the grand stand I saw a bunch of Germany flags. A lot of them with a 5 on it. I knew that Seb was behind me. Not too far away. It was his last race…

"Gap to Seb?"

"1.4 seconds."

3 laps left. He could do that with DRS. I slowed down, but only slightly. Nothing too obvious.

"1.7 seconds. You gotta speed up a little."

"Copy."

2 laps left. Not going to speed up. Maybe a lock up. I braked too hard in the next corner. Tyres locking up. I saw Seb in my mirrors. He could catch me now easily with DRS.

"Fuck! Gap?"

"Perez 3.1, Seb 0.9."

"Fuck!" Perfect.

Last lap and Seb had DRS. He could do it. He would end his career on the podium. But when he had the chance to overtake me, he didn’t.

"And that’s P3. Well done, Lizzie, well done!" Pete radioed and I sighed a little.

"Thanks Pete! Good job from the team! Nice pitstop! Where’s Valtteri?"

"P6."

"Nice!"

"Lizzie! Good job, little one! What a rookie season! 2 wins. 8 podiums. 2 fastest laps. You were absolutely amazing! You made all of us so proud! From the first moment of having you in our car we knew we wouldn’t regret our choice! Thank you!" Felix said and my eyes got a little teary.

"Thank you so much for having this much faith in me, Felix! This season was just the beginning!"

"Absolutely! And now… I know what you want to do… go ahead, you should be good for a good handful." he laughed.

"Donut time baby!"

I parked my car and closed my eyes for a moment, my first season in Formula 1 was done and it ended like it started on P3 on the podium. All the ups on downs on track, but also beside flashed through my mind and I felt the emotions overcoming me. I felt myself shaking a little and climbed out of the car, jumping with wobbly knees into the arms of my team, everyone patting my helmet, arms and shoulders.

I turned around and saw Charles jumping out of his car, looking around and then spotting me. He was in an instant in front of me, hoisting me up and spinning me around.

"Amazing race, cara mia." his voice muffled as he sat me down again, he walked quickly back to his team and I went to my last weighing of the year.

"Congrats on an amazing first season, Lizzie!" Joe said as he handed me my receipt and patted my arm.

"Thanks, Joe!" my voice was a little shaky and as I walked back, trying to unclasp my helmet strap, I felt my hands shaking as well, something Charles noticed in an instant.

"Hey, are you okay?" he whispered, wiping his face with a towel.

"Bit overwhelmed and that stupid clasp won’t open up…" I mumbled and he gently pushed my hands away.

"Here, let me help you." he smiled at me and undid the clasp "Hold still." he chuckled when I wiggled around a little.

"Sorry, it’s just my nose is itching! Hurry up!"

"Okay, I got it…" he pulled of the helmet and I quickly did the same with the balaclava and scratched my nose "Better?"

"Better!" I laughed, taking a big swig of water, when someone approached us.

"I know what you did there, kiddo." Seb whispered and hugged me close.

"Why didn’t you overtake then?" I sighed.

"Because you deserved that podium more than me."

"Not true, Seb!"

"True. I’m so proud of you Lizzie. This season was amazing. You were amazing. Retiring is easier knowing that there is at least one German out there making our country proud."

"How about you un-retire and continue doing that?" I sniffled a little.

"Nope. I’m done. That’s it. But I’m leaving Formula 1 Germany in good hands." he pulled away and the way he smiled made it clear that he was making the right decision. There was a glimmer in his eyes that was only there when he was with his family, that glimmer that was long gone during races. He was truly happy.

"I’m going to miss you." I hugged him again and he patted my back.

"Same kiddo, same. But you know that I’ll be only one call away. Same goes for you of course!" he looked at Charles and he nodded hugging Seb "Now come on guys! Get your trophies! Maybe I’ll hit one of the end of the season parties this year… it’s been a long time since I did that."

"That would be amazing!" I smiled at him.

"Yeah, we’ll see! You go now and celebrate your win a little!" he walked away and I turned to Charles.

"That’s it. The season is over…"

"Yeah and did you check the standings… you’re P4 in the drivers standings. As a rookie!" Charles smiled "I’m so proud of you, cara mia. You were fantastic, astonishing! You silenced all your critics!" he hugged me tight.

"I’m so proud of you, too. You were amazing this season! Next year the title is yours!" I turned my head, wanting to kiss his cheek when I thought of what I talked about with Dr. Lindner, I really should say fuck it. I took a deep breath and looked at Charles.

"What?" he raised and eyebrow and I grinned.

"I love you, vice-champion Charles Leclerc." and before he could say something I leaned in, sealing our lips in a searing kiss shut. Time seemed to stop. Nothing mattered anymore, not the fireworks above us, the crowd around us, our teams cheering and whistling. Nothing. Just us. Charles and I in this moment.

Chapter 29 - and with that the 2022 season is over… let’s give our two lovebirds some downtime to recharge the batteries… 2023 is going to be… well you’ll see 🤷🏻‍♀️

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[obx-pogue4life]

GURLLLL URRR BACKKK!! Missed seein u on my dash! Idk if ur taking requests but I got this idea I can't get out the head

Friends to lovers

Beach party kegger

Kook likes u but ya shoot em down

Pulls gun and is really bad

Jj saves u, screams/beats the hell out the kook like a mad man

Y'all confess ur feelings

And maybe uses the words "all in" and sappy happy ending 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Oh my gosh I love this idea and I hope you like what I came up with. This is SO JJ 👀😂

All In

Warnings: fluffy with implied smut, kissing, guns, violence, swearing, feeling uneasy, drug use, fighting, protective JJ, crying, friends to lovers, happy ending, prolly more so let me know if I forgot any 💚

I couldn't believe what was happening. My best friend defending my honor, all because of some stupid kook who decided to crash this kegger with his friends. Everything was harmless enough at the start, just cat calling and some whistling, you know the kind; just your general disgusting, neanderthal behavior. It was bothering me for sure but I wasn't gonna let it get to me and ruin my good time with my friends. As the night went on I could see JJ getting more and more irritated with them and the second that kook put his hands on me, his fists were flying.  "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER, ASSHOLE," JJ screamed at the kook who was trying to manhandle me into dancing with him and shoved him away from me. The kook comes right back at us and JJ immediately makes contact with his jaw, knocking him on his ass. He quickly recovers, gets back up and spits out a small mouthful of blood. 

"Oh you know you like it baby," he says to me with a wink. "You know you want a piece of this," he cockily smirks, lifting up the bottom of his shirt to show off his barely visible muscles. 

"And just what am I supposed to be looking at here," I say squinting and laughing as I brush him off. I hold my hand up to silently signal JJ not to charge at this guy and beat the living shit out of him. 

We begin to walk away and JJ snickers at his weak attempt to entice me. I sigh and roll my eyes but feel a rough hand reach out for me again, this time harshly yanking me back and hurting my arm. 

"Ouch, you asshole! What the hell," you say, a little shocked this guy was being so forward, especially with JJ right at my side. Usually the kooks just wanted to mess with me and my friends, hook up, be jerks and and occasionally get into the random fight over stupid shit. But this? This felt different, almost scary. 

"Now that wasn't very nice now, was it baby doll," he says to me in a creepy monotone voice. His eyes look frighteningly dark, like there is nothing but emptiness behind them. He sniffs loudly and wipes the underside of his nose with his thumb and it all clicks for me. I can see some white residue still under his nose. He must have just gotten high. "Greaaatttt," I think to myself as I try to shake his grip off my arm. The look on JJ's face right now was one I've seen far too many times. He was ready to kill this kid but I prayed he'd take notice of me shaking my head discouragingly and trying to make him realize that this dude was totally coked out. I pointed to my own nose and tried to get my message across to him, which thankfully he understood. The last thing I want is for him to get into a crazy brawl with a maniac, especially over me. A minute passed by and we all were just kind of standing there, unsure what he was going to do. He still had his hand around my arm and he was really beginning to hurt me but I didn't wanna say anything to make JJ lunge at him, so I just kind of took it the best I could. He could tell I was wincing though and mentally, I was preparing myself for the fight of the year. Surprisingly though JJ very calmly came towards us and apologized. 

"Hey, I'm sorry man," he said trying hard to sound earnest. "Sometimes I just get crazy over y/n getting attention from other guys, you know. That was my bad. I'm just very protective over her. I'm sure you can understand that," he says sincerely. I could feel my heart swelling inside my chest at his sweet words about me and had to snap myself back into the reality of the situation that was before me. 

"What I understand, is that your bitch,  needs to learn some fucking manners. It's not nice to laugh at someone whose just trying to show you a good time," he slowly drawls out, his grip on me becoming so tight, I nearly cry. 

He looks at me whimpering and laughs. JJ clenches his fists and takes a step forward but stops himself when he sees this kook force me onto my knees and notices a gun sticking out of the back of his pants. I start to talk back but JJ puts his finger to his lips, signaling me to be quiet. I give him a funny look but he pleads to me with his eyes to just stay still and stop making noise. I catch on and quickly and stop but it's too late. The kook pulls out his gun and points it directly at my head. "I think someone needs to learn their place and say they're sorry," he says in that same creepy monotone voice. 

"YOU STUPID BITCH," he screams towards me. "I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU Y/N," he yells, tapping the gun repeatedly on to my head. 

I start crying immediately and I can't seem to make my mouth move. My entire life is flashing before me and all I can keep thinking about is "I can't believe this is how I'm going to die."  

I can hear JJ saying my name and he pulls me out of my spiraling thoughts but only long enough to hear that crazy coked out kook screaming again. "SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING TO HER," he yells at JJ. 

"No problem man, sorry about that," he says and slowly walks towards him. The kook is pacing in small circles and waving the gun around and all I can do is watch in horror. 

"Yeah she can definitely be a bitch sometimes," JJ chuckles, trying to defuse the situation. He winks at me and nods his head, making a full circle around the kook. JJ is standing in front of me now and immediately, I feel so much better. Even though I've never been so scared in my life, I almost feel safe now. Almost. 

The kook continues to pace back and forth as he and JJ talk about what a bitch I can be, laughing and making fun of me. Their words hurt but they seemed to calm the kook down. A few minutes later he plopped down in the sand and sighed loudly, dropping his gun next to him. He put his head in his hands and took a deep breath, starting at the sand. JJ looked at me and to the gun and I nodded as he immediately springs into action, knocking the kook backwards while I quick grabbed the gun and threw it into the water. JJ was on top of him, punching him over and over again, him now the one screaming. "IF YOU EVER COME AROUND HERE AGAIN! IF YOU EVER FUCKING LAY A HAND ON THAT PRECIOUS BODY! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU! DON'T FOR A SECOND THINK I WON'T. I SHOULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW YOU ASSHOLE FOR PUTTING HER THROUGH THAT! FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THAT! FOR TRYING TO TAKE THE BEST THING I HAVE IN MY LIFE AWAY FROM ME! TRY THAT AGAIN AND I GUARANTEE YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE," he says punching him one last time, knocking him out cold. He was still alive but barely breathing. JJ saw the horror on my face and finally gets up off of him and rushes to my side. "Y/n! Are you ok? Are you hurt? Talk to me, please! Are you ok?," he begs me to answer him. I'm just kneeling in the sand beside this whole bloody scene and thinking about what just happened and I can't seem to talk or move. "Y/n? JJ gently shakes my shoulder and smooths out my hair. Y/N? He says a little louder, trying to get my attention," this time succeeding. 

I let out a broken shriek and lunge into his arms, so happy to be comforted by the man kneeling before me. "J.. I...," I sob, tears streaming down my face. "I thought I was going to die," I say hysterically. "I thought we were going to die." 

"I know darlin', I know" he coos into my ear as I continue to cry. "You know I'd never let that happen, y/n. You're safe with me, always," he says softly, stroking my hair and still hugging me tight. 

"Oh my God," I start to say through my sobs. "And you... you stepped right in front of me...," you try to finish your thought but can't get out the words.  

"I told you y/n, you're safe with me. I will never let anything bad happen to you," he says in a reassuringly soft voice. "I will always protect you." 

I nuzzle into his chest and move further into his lap and cling to him for dear life. I never wanna let him go and even though I'm still shaken, I feel truly safe now. With him. Just like this. 

"Now probably isn't the right time to tell you this," he says into the top of my head. He leans back a little and pushes me away slightly so I can look at him. 

"Y/n?," he says, gently brushing his hand over my cheek and resting it there. "I'm in love with you," he says shakily. 

My eyes go wide and I just stare at him as he leans his forehead against mine, sighing. "I've felt this way for so long y/n. Please? Say something? I thought I was going to lose you tonight. I can't stand to keep this from you another second. I'm sorry if this seems weird or out of the blue but I think I've honestly been in love with you since the moment I met you, I just didn't realize it until we were older. And then after everything that just happened, I know in my heart I had to tell you as soon as possible how I-," his words suddenly cut off and he's completely taken aback. 

I can't stop myself from crashing my lips onto his and finally getting to kiss my best friend. I have been waiting for him to say something and act on his feelings for years. It just figures that a near death experience is what would finally give him the push he needed to finally tell me how he feels. I pull away and let him cup my face again, his grin giving me butterflies throughout my entire body. "So does that mean....," he starts to say before I cut him off again. 

"I love you, too J. I've been waiting for you to say something for so long," I say to him, putting my head on his shoulder and hugging him again. 

"So you knew?," he asks me seriously. 

"I had a pretty good idea," I say leaning back up and facing him. 

"Why didn't you say anything?," he groans, throwing his head back and running his hand through his hair, chuckling. 

"Well...," I ponder aloud. "I just figured that you weren't ready for me to know yet and that you'd tell me once you were," I shrugged. "I didn't want to force your hand and try to start something you weren't ready for or sure about," I say genuinely. 

"I've always been sure, y/n. I guess I was just scared how you'd react...I didn't want ruin our friendship. I couldn't stand the thought of you rejecting me and not having you in my life so I guess I just took the safe route all this time," he says sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Well there's no turning back now, Maybank," I  smile at him. 

"All in?," he asks, cocking his brow at me. 

"All in," I agree nodding my head and grinning. 

He leans in to kiss me and the feeling of his lips against mine almost make me forget the events of tonight until we start to hear a rustling in the sand besides us. 

"Shit y/n! We better get out of here before that lunatic wakes up," JJ says helping me to my feet. He grabs my hand in his and we start to run towards the car. Never in all my life have I ever been in such a scary situation but at the same time, never in my life have I felt so safe and settled. Once we get to the car, he opens the door for me and asks me once again if I'm sure I'm alright. I say yes and he reluctantly takes my word for it and closes my door. He quickly runs around the back of the car and hops in, peeling out as fast as he can. "Where to, y/n?," he asks me. 

"Can I spend the night with you J?, I ask quietly. "I'm a little scared to go home to an empty house. Just for tonight?," I plead. 

"You can spend every night with me y/n," he says, taking my hand in his.  "Scared or not," he says bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it sweetly. 

I smile happily to myself and tell him that sounds perfect, snuggling up into his side, still holding his hand, as he drives us home.

"Thank you," I say to him quietly. "For everything." 

"I'm just glad you're ok," he says, sighing as we turn onto his street. 

We pull up to his empty house and sit in comfortable but heavy silence for a minute, digesting everything that's happened tonight. 

"All in?," he asks me once again, staring straight forward out the windshield. 

I smile at him and lift my head off his shoulder, turning so I can see his face. He turns towards me slightly and l lean my head on to his gently. 

"All in," I repeat, smiling. 

He slowly places his lips on mine, brushing my cheek with his thumb and sighs contently into the kiss. "You have no idea how long I've waited to do that y/n," he says pulling away and staring into my eyes. I blush at his love filled gaze and smile sweetly, his words instantly bringing back all those butterflies. 

"And you have no idea how long I'VE been waiting for you to do that," I giggle, looking longingly from his beautiful eyes to his luscious lips. 

"Oh yeah," he questions flirtatiously, running his free hand through his hair. "Wanna know what else I've been waiting to do with you all this time," he smirks, wiggling his eyebrow at me. 

"I thought you'd never ask," I say laughing as he rushes to get out of the car and runs to my door to open it for me. 

He holds out his hand and helps me step out of the car and closes the door. Still holding my hand m, he leads me towards the door but stops just short of opening it. 

"I'm really glad you're ok, y/n... I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you," he says to the ground before turning around to face me. 

"And I'm really glad you're ok, J. The way you just leapt into action and stayed so calm. That was really smart thinking. You were so brave, that could have ended so badly for both of us. I don't know what I would have done either if something bad happened to you," I say and start to tear up again. 

"Hey now, don't cry y/n," he says brushing the tears from my eyes. "We're both safe and sound, nothing to worry about now," he says hugging me. 

"Now!," he says, sternly but silly, poking my side trying to make me smile. "TO THE LOVEMAKING," he playfully yells and hoists me over his shoulder. I giggle and roll my eyes as he quickly lets us into the house and runs us both up the stairs to his room, throwing me onto the bed and smiling at me like a love sick fool.  

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it! Let me know if you want a part 2! 💚

[likelyhyperventilating]

Fluffy and angsty headcanons of Texas/Oklahoma because why not

- (by yours truly, 🐊🌻)

Texas and Oklahoma have dates where they ride around through the mountains and woods on their horses. They'll walk through the streams with their pant legs pulled up, splashing water at each other and dragging the other into kisses. By the time they are back its late at night (if they didn't spend the night outside) and are covered in dirt, giggling and shoving each other like teenagers in love

They have many fights at meetings so as to not fight at home. They may love each other lots, but they still have their differences. It's better off fighting at a meeting (where its pretty much supposed to happen, to Gov's dismay) then fighting at home around the kids and making their house toxic. They always leave the meeting together and are seen with happy faces, so it works for them. (Sometimes this isn't the case, but it usually is)

Whenever Texas gets drunk, he becomes very sappy. He will literally waltz Oklahoma around the house and kiss every inch of him that he can. Throwing praises at Oklahoma for being able to handle his dumbass. When he's super drunk he starts talking to Oklahoma in Spanish

Oklahoma is the only one who has heard Texas speak Spanish for a long time (the last time being right after becoming a state and letting his people know). Texas feels so safe around him to not be afraid to talk in Spanish

Oklahoma has collections of wood carvings that Texas made throughout the decades, it was the first courting gift that Texas gave him and every anniversary he gets another one

They would so have matching belts, Oklahoma has Texas's state flower on his belt buckle and Texas has Oklahoma's

They would watch old Wild West films together, Texas would be the one to talk the whole time and calling characters stupid when Oklahoma is just combing through his hair and not paying attention

Texas combs Oklahoma's hair everyday; every time he walks up, takes a shower, comes back from the field, and gets ready for bed. He picks out different ribbons to braid into his hair, I can so see him picking them out at the store or getting them made for Oklahoma.

Oklahoma every week will make a new bouquet of flowers for Texas, picking them from their garden and making them all pretty for him. Texas gets embarrassed every time and acts all manly but he really does love them

Their house is always loud; Texas is in the kitchen making a mess, the kids are running around with their mud covered shoes, the dogs are running everywhere, somehow a pig got in, and Oklahoma is just making one of the little ones giggle

Whenever Texas gets on Oklahoma's nerves, Oklahoma makes him sleep in the barn. Not that Texas minds, of course. He's already slept in there multiple times just because. Though that won't stop him from being a little upset about having to leaving his comfy bed to go sleep on hay bales. (Oklahoma gives him a pillow and blanket)

Texas is still learning to be and accepting and good parent with Oklahoma's help. He doesn't want to end up hurting his kids or for his kids not to like him, not like how he was raised, so he's learning. Oklahoma is learning as well, but he is a little farther ahead than Texas in his knowledge

Texas has a bad back that constantly cracks from the shit he’s put it/been through. Oklahoma massages his back and helps him stand up and walk when it is really bad. Sometimes Texas can’t walk or move it without agonizing pain so he’ll spend the day in bed while Oklahoma takes care of him. (Sometimes his back is just too stiff for him to move). He cries a lot on those days from embarrassment, anger, sadness, etc because his body is “ruined.” (in his eyes, he is weak on those days. Oklahoma makes sure to tell him otherwise with firm and loving words.)

Oklahoma gets really bad migraines that leave him stuck in bed. He always tries to get up and trudge through it but Texas forces his ass back into bed each time. He'll spend the day in his dark bedroom, warm tea, soup, and pain meds resting on his bedside table, and in quiet. Texas makes sure to keep the kids away from Oklahoma and quiet/out of the house so Oklahoma can heal and won't be in more pain. Sometimes Oklahoma will drag Texas into the bed (if its a slow free day) and latch onto him, refusing to let him get up. (not like Texas wants too/will)

Texas is really good at sewing, he keeps it a secret to others but he will always fix Oklahoma's ripped shirts. He always teases him for being clumsy but doesn't mind at all. It's not just Oklahoma but his kids too.

[malecius]

tagged by @xalatath!!!

putting this under a read more because it's a little long haha

1. named after anyone?

i *was* going to be named after someone, but i don't really remember whom. the names my mom had chosen ended up being too similar to some of my cousins, so in the end i was named something else.

my normie name is gabriel, so i'm technically named after a biblical angel lol

2. last time I cried?

several times yesterday over: my family; epic the musical; the game sea of stars

3. kids?

the idea is wonderful given how much i miss my daughter, but realistically i'm aware i wouldn't enjoy pregnancy in the slightest, and i'm not in a place to be able to raise a child without fucking them up.

my partner and i haven't talked about children, so i don't know what their stance on having them would be (though i'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to get pregnant either, which is fine by me) so that'll be an ongoing conversation should our feelings change

4. sports?

never played a sport long enough to care for it. i used to run and i biked way more than i do now, and i was rowing for a while too, but none of it *really* stuck

5. sarcasm?

i try not to be sarcastic because i'm unsure how my tone comes across from being autistic. i don't like sounding or being mean. i'll only be sarcastic if i can make it abundantly clear that i'm being sarcastic haha

6. first thing i notice about something?

is this meant to say "someone"? because if it is, then, in person, i usually notice people's body language. i like figuring out what makes people comfortable and tear down a wall or two

online, i notice how people talk and how they express their excitement. i am not very well-educated in the slightest but i love language and how people use it so much!!!

7. eye color?

dark brown, almost black :}

8. scary movies / happy endings?

alas i cannot do scary movies if i want to preserve my sanity as i am psychotic and can easily acquire delusions that i'm being watched. i do love a sappy good ending

9. talents?

i learned to walk by walking on the tips of my toes, so i've always been good at walking in heels haha

in terms of skills though? i've been drawing for as long as i've held a pencil. i would share more of my art but ah, the majority of it is against tumblr's TOS now

10. place of birth?

a tiny town in michoacán, méxico :}

11. hobbies?

primarily drawing! but i love a good indie video game and crocheting when i'm in the mood. sometimes i dabble in writing short stories

12. pets?

*technically* we don't have one since he's my neighbor's, but she did an awful job keeping him indoors so we take care of him now. my little idiot of a black cat, chimuelo! (named after toothless but in spanish)

13. height?

5'2 (157.48cm) if you round up. it's very important to me that you round up

14. fav school subject?

i've always liked english and history, but the advanced spanish classes i took in community college were some of the best learning environments i've ever been in

15. dream job?

i'm pretty lost in life right now haha so i have no idea. just being able to stay afloat is a pretty wonderful idea right now

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not tagging anyone, but if you haven't done this yet and see this, then you're tagged!!! :}