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nekomc · 4 years

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scenario : you are shy and do not believe that you have a chance with them ft. o. tooru, b. koutarou, k. tetsurou (f!reader)

T. OIKAWA

➞ oikawa was quite easy to find, due to the constant swarm of girls that surrounded him

➞ you silently wished that you had the confidence they had to go up to him

➞ because you were so shy, you felt as though you didn’t have a chance to talk to him, let alone be with him

➞ so it really surprised you when oikawa came up to you in class one day

➞ “yoohoo! you’re yn right? someone said that you’re good at this, can you help me?”

➞ you could only nod at first out of shock because oikawa just came up to you!! was this even real?

➞ it wasn’t that awkward, since oikawa was quite the talker, and knew how to fill the silence

➞ he was still attentive, though, and really appreciated your help

➞ so the next day, when he had trouble again, he came up to you once again for help

➞ this time, you broke out of your shell a little, contributing more to the conversation and throwing in a joke or two

➞ your heart swelled when oikawa would laugh and seemed interested in what you had to say

➞ oikawa started to come to you during class and breaks regularly, sparking up a conversation more often than asking for help

➞ you became more and more comfortable around oikawa, and you noticed that your confidence has grown the more time you spent with him

➞ one day, he invited you to a game, and of course you agreed, although you were a bit hesitant at first

➞ on the day of the game, you felt a bit out of place, since you didn’t know much about volleyball

➞ but you still tried your best to cheer him on

➞ you try to meet him at the end of the game, but once you found him, he was already surrounded

➞ you immediately became disheartened and started to walk away

➞ but oikawa caught sight of you and called you over, asking you to wait for a bit, since he didn’t want to be rude to his fans

➞ when the crowd dispersed, he gave you a big smile and a hug

➞ “yn-chan, you came! did you have fun? you should come to our next game!”

➞ you felt a bit better as he asked you about the game, but he still noticed that you were feeling a bit down

➞ unfortunately, before he could ask about it, he had to leave

➞ the next day, he asked about it during class

➞ you felt uncomfortable talking about it with the chance of your classmates hearing, and told him so

➞ so you both decide to talk about it in the short period of free time he had after school

➞ “yn-chan, did something happen at the game?”

➞ what were you supposed to say? that you felt as though you weren’t confident? that you wished you had more courage to take the chance with him?

➞ instead, you said, “i was just tired after all the cheering, that’s all!”

➞ he saw through your lie, and he didn’t want you to continue feeling whatever negative emotion you were feeling, even though he wasn’t sure what it was yet

➞ his expression became serious

➞ “yn, don’t lie. what’s bothering you?”

➞ you didn’t want to lie again

➞ he put a lot of effort into building your friendship, and truly cared about your feelings

➞ so you told him the truth

➞ you told him how you used to feel as though being shy meant that you would never be able to be friends with him

➞ you wished that you had the confidence to come up to him to talk to him instead of the other way around, like his fans

➞ and you still felt as though the confidence you’ve gained through your friendship wasn’t enough to go to a relationship of beyond friends

➞ you didn’t realize that you had basically confessed to wanting something more than being friends until oikawa’s eyes widened

➞ “yn-chan, was that a confession?”

➞ you were too shocked at your own choice of words that you couldn’t speak

➞ he laughed, and said, “ah, you’re so cute! but i can’t believe you beat me to it!”

➞ “...beat you to it?”

➞ “to the confession. i like you too, yn.”

➞ before you could respond, he received a call from iwaizumi, telling him to hurry to practice

➞ you were left standing there, stunned

➞ oikawa called you after practice, and he told you that being shy isn’t something that has to be an obstacle

➞ he loved seeing you slowly breaking out of your shell as your friendship grew

➞ he promised that he would still continue to help you build your confidence until you were comfortable with who you were

➞ “hopefully, i’ll be able to do that as your boyfriend, and not as just your friend. is that ok, yn-chan?”

➞ of course, you told him yes

➞ oikawa kept his promise throughout your relationship

➞ you were grateful to have him by your side, helping you become more comfortable and confident with your relationship with him, and most importantly, yourself

B. KOUTAROU

➞ you and bokuto began your friendship in the beginning in your third year

➞ you and bokuto shared a class together and you would often see him around at lunch as well

➞ hearing him talk was amusing sometimes, but you didn’t think much of it since you didn't think someone as cheerful as him would want to be friends with someone as shy as you

➞ you don’t talk much so carrying on a conversation wasn't a strong suit of yours

➞ anyways….. One day during lunch your two best (and basically only friends) suggested eating lunch in the classroom

➞ you bought snacks from the cafeteria for you and your friends and were on your way back to the classroom when suddenly you bumped into someone

➞ startled and embarrassed that you weren't watching where you were going, you quietly apologized to the person you bumped into

➞ you looked up and noticed it was bokuto from you class

➞ “OH!!!! Uhhhhh y/n-san right? From my class? Don’t worry about it !!!!! I should have looked where i was going too. OH COOL are those (insert snack)???? I love those!!”

➞ you felt overwhelmed from his very loud and friendly personality and gave pretty vague responses

➞ you excused yourself and headed back to your friends

➞ to your surprise, bokuto began speaking to you at school more often and frequently catches you at lunch

➞ “HEY HEY HEY y/n-chan, do you wanna come with me to the cafeteria to buy some (favorite snack)?”

➞ after that you had a really nice friendship with bokuto and began joining him at lunch with akaashi

➞ you enjoy the balance between someone so chill as akaashi and someone as cheerful as bokuto

➞ bokuto might have been loud, but he never once made you uncomfortable or gotten you into situations that would make you nervous

➞ You didn't talk much, so he talked for the both of you

➞ After a while you start developing a crush on him

➞ You loved the way he made you feel less insecure about your shyness

➞ However, you still felt like you could never reveal those feelings to him

➞ You felt as thought bokuto was someone who would be better off with someone who was as bright and cheery as himself, someone who would match his energy all the time and not hold him back from being himself

➞ You felt like if you were with him it would just burden him

➞ However you were dead wrong

➞ One day your teacher had asked bokuto had asked bokuto to stay back for lunch so that they could talk about his grade, so you went ahead and met up with akaashi

➞ You ended up sharing your feelings and insecurities about bokuto and when you were done, akaashi didn't say anything and was just staring behind you

➞ You turn around to see bokuto and you began to feel very very anxious

➞ Akaashi got up and excused himself

➞ You refused to meet eyes with bokuto as you were starting to mentally prepare for rejection but instead you were met with a “OH THANK GOD Y/N-CHAN. Ummmmmm ive actually liked you for quite a while now!!!!!!! I really really like you but youre just so quiet sometimes that i was pretty sure i was just annoying you this whole time and you were just too nice to say anything!!”

➞ Oh… well you definitely werent expecting that

➞ After this you guys had a talk, happy that your feelings were mutual

➞ Bokuto re assured you sweetly that he didnt think any of those things you thought about yourself

➞ He might not be the smartest student, but he was self aware and knew that sometimes he get really out of hand

➞ He would tell you that being around really helps to keep him calm and isnt bothered at all by your shyness or how little you spoke sometimes

➞ Being around you really taught him to stop and listen to people, since he had to pick up on your non verbal cues in your friendship so that he wouldn't ever accidentally make you uncomfortable

➞ You guys might have had very different personalities, but you're definitely the rocks that holds him down and are there to help him through every one of his mood swings (which he loves you so much for)

➞ In the end you both were insecure, but with your growing relationship and with how sweet bokuto treated you , you never really had the time to ever feel like you weren't enough for him

K. TETSUROU

➞ midterms were coming up, and you’ve been trying to study these past few nights

➞ keyword : trying

➞ the more you stayed up, the harder it was to study the next day

➞ it was also hard to stay up in class

➞ kuroo noticed it in class, the way your head sometimes slipped past your hand, your lids visibly getting heavy as you almost doze off

➞ and one day, you do. doze off, that is

➞ he couldnt help but find you cute, but he also felt a bit bad, since knew what it was like to stay up, studying, and having to go through the day with little to no sleep

➞ so the next day, he decided to bring you a caffeinated drink (imagine that he brought you your preferred drink, like coffee, or an energy drink)

➞ you were already in class, getting your things out

➞ you looked down to pick something up from your bag, and when you looked back up, kuroo was standing in front of your desk, a drink in his hand

➞ you both stared at each other for a few seconds, both unsure of what to say

➞ kuroo was the first to speak

➞ “i noticed that you’ve been like, falling asleep. Wait i swear i wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything, i just happened to see it-”

➞ he stopped and just placed the drink on your desk with a smile

➞ “anyways, i hope this helps.”

➞ you smiled back and thank him quietly before he walked away

➞ throughout the day, you drank it, and it helped you get through the day

➞ you felt too shy to go up to him and say thank you in person, so instead, you took a sticky note and wrote a note on it, placing it on his desk during your last break

➞ the next day, he brought you the drink again, with a sticky note attached to it

➞ on the sticky he wrote ~no need to thank me, you seemed like you needed it! if you ever want to study together just let me know, i’ll keep these drinks coming your way ;)~

➞ over the next few days kuroo would keep placing drinks on your desks with sticky notes that had chemistry jokes or pick up lines

➞ some of them were honestly really bad,,, but you couldn’t help but laugh

➞ “what did one charged atom say to the other? i got my ion you”

➞ “did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? it went OK”

➞ “do you have 11 protons? Cause you're sodium fine”

➞ “forget hydrogen, you're my number one element”

➞ (kuroo would stare at you from his desk just to see you laugh )

➞ one day you placed a sticky note on kuroos desk, accepting his offer to study a little bit during lunch,, so you two began seeing each other during that time

➞ you were still really shy around him, but thankfully kuroo didn’t mind a quiet study session with you, and he was really helpful!

➞ after a while you realized that you started to grow a crush on kuroo

➞ he was a little intimidating at first, and looked like the sort of guy that messed around with girls (he certainly wasn’t shy to playfully tease you)

➞ but he was honestly a really kind person, who was intelligent and cared a lot about his friends

➞ you also admired how hard he worked to keep up his grades and be volleyball captain at the same time

➞ because of this you felt,,, very inferior to him

➞ he was attractive, smart, kind, friendly, and volleyball captain

➞ compared to him you didn’t really feel like you were anything special

➞ you felt as though your crush would get you nowhere because you felt like kuroo deserved to be with someone who was way better than you

➞ you felt like he was way out of your league

➞ but one day during one of your lunch study sessions kuroo turns to you and starts talking

➞ he seemed really flustered for some reason and said “ m-my favorite attractive force is van der waal’s force. Can you feel it? I'll move closer if you can't”

➞ you laughed at his silliness, until he actually went ahead and sat closer to you

➞ you were shocked and felt yourself grow flustered at his closeness

➞ the both of you stayed silent until he spoke up and said

➞ “hey y/n, i've been meaning to say this for a little while but, i like you”

➞ well,,,, you certainly weren’t expecting that

➞ you weren't sure of what to say, so you just looked at him like :o

➞ kuroo panics and starts to talk his mouth off

➞ “im sorry if you don't feel that way, i don't want to ruin our friendship so please forget i even said that-”

➞ you quickly shook your head, stopping him

➞ “no, no, I'm sorry, i was just surprised, i actually like you too.”

➞ when the test came around, you both get a really high score

➞ you both excitedly showed each other once you got the chance to during a break

➞ you were super proud of each other, seeing how all of the hard work paid off

➞ the upcoming weekend, the two of you went to buy drinks and walk around as a treat

➞ as you were walking with kuroo, you realized how happy you were to be with him

➞ he still continued to tease you endlessly but respected your boundaries and knew when to draw the line

➞ he was always attentive, caring, and mature, and always managed to make you smile

➞ he reminded you of your worth through little actions, and you were grateful to have someone like him by your side

requested by @teasbees-knees

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brelione · 4 years

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Protect You (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Domestic Violence,blood

Request:Hi! can you write a jj maybank fic with prompt #10, y/n is friends with the pogues and just recently broke up with her kook boyfriend. She starts getting closer with Jj and then her ex wants to get back together, she doesn’t so he chokes her and punches her. She tries to hide it from the pogues but jj thinks the bruises on her neck are hickies and gets defensive. Y/n continues to lie but then JJ makes her cry and she tells the truth ?? (Love ur blog v much❤️💕💖)

So this isnt exactly what you wanted but I tried so I hope you still like it <3

Loose long sleeve shirts,baggy sweatpants and high top sneaks.You were limping ever so slightly,thinking that none of them had noticed.You had been alarmingly quiet and smoking weed pretty much every 20 minutes.Nobody asked you why you were acting this way.Kie had just thought you were on your period,sharing the information with the boys,You had been staying at John.B’s and refusing to go back to your house in case he showed up there.

It was somewhere around 7 in the morning when JJ woke up,going to the porch to smoke.You were already there.Your hood was up,hair in a messy know on top of your head.You had a few dark bruises on your neck,the fake metal chain you owned dangling off your neck.You were leaning on the railing,blunt between your lips and your eyes closed as you tried to calm your thoughts with the drug.The small scar on your cheekbone had become irritated as it always did when you had cried.Being in this state meant that you hadnt noticed JJ’s tall figure yet.You let out a sigh,a small cloud of white smoke leaving your mouth.JJ came up behind you quite.

“Morning.”His voice whispered groggily.You pulled up your hood so the fabric covered your neck,the material stopping behind your bun. “Morning.”You answered quietly,wincing as his arms wrapped around your waist and his chin rested on your shoulder. “Are you okay,sunshine?”She asked.You took the blunt back between your lips,nodding slowly. “You’ve been smoking a lot lately.”He observed,sliding his hands under your hoodie and onto your hips.You grabbed his wrists tightly,pulling them off your body.He frowned.

“What’s wrong?”He repeated his previous question,sounding more serious this time. “I dont like when people touch me.”You answered as smore crawled out of your mouth and into the air.He slid between you and the railing. “You love hugs and cuddles.You always have.Im gonna ask one more time.What’s wrong?”He asked again.Worry and anger course through his veins.He hadnt really seen sunshine in three days.He had seen (Y/N) but not his sunshine that he had known and loved since seventh grade.

You sighed,avoiding his eyes as you exhaled smoke,the cloud hitting his clothed chest.You went to take another hit but he took it from your hand,making your eyes widen. “What the hell,JJ?”You asked,tears beginning to form in your bloodshot eyes.He sighed,looking down at you.You were silent as you thought about what you could possibly say,what excuse you could make.You held the bottom of your hoodie,thinking about what you were about to do. “Don't tell anyone.If you tell anyone ill kill you.”You told him.He nodded nervously. “Im serious,not even John.B”You spoke softly,worried that someone would hear you even though you were ten feet away from the house.He nodded again.

You hesitated,pulling off the hoodie with a small hiss.His heart dropped,feeling sick.Yellow and black bruises cover your torso,scratches and scabs and cuts all over your ribs and stomach.You pulled at the drawstrings of your pants,letting them fall into the grass.Your knee cap looked out of place,a large cut across your thigh.He couldn't say anything,tears coming from his eyes as his jaw fell. “Dont cry,im fine.”You forced a grin on your face.His fists clecnched. “Who the fuck did this?”He demanded,hand going to the gun in the waistband of his jeans.You sighed,shaking your head.

“This is why I didn't want to tell you.”You mumbled. “Dammit!What the fuck does that mean?You cant just let me fucking protect you!Ill go to fucking prison!Doesn't matter if you tell me or not ill blow that son of a bitches brain out!”He shouted as you took steps backwards.Tears were going down his face.Someone had hurt his sunshine,ruined you.No one could make bruises like that with just their fists which meant whoever done this had a weapon.

“JJ,just listen to me.Im fine.I had an accident and it was my fault.I feel fine.Everything is fine.”You spoke softly,trying to calm him. “Bullshit!”He shouted.Pope and Kiara came down the back steps quietly,trying to figure out what was going on.Kiara screamed when she saw you,causing you to turn around and see what she was screaming for.Now JJ could see the long cut across your back,the moon shaped cuts on your neck and the little bruises all over your shoulders.

“Kie-im fine.Im fine-just go back inside.”You squeaked out,becoming overwhelmed with everything going on.JJ held his gun tighter. “JJ look at me.Im breathing and standing.Im fine.”You spoke,voice becoming shaky as you spoke to the blonde. “Shit,(Y/N).I think you need stitches for that.”Pope stared at the deep cut.You quickly shook your head,trying to gain control over the situation again. “No-no,Pope thats stupid!Im fine.Go back inside.”You spoke desperately,tears rolling down your face and neck.

JJ looked at the bruises one more time before slamming his hand against the railing.You sand to the ground,head in your hands as John B started shouting for all of you to go to the hospital.You hadnt even noticed him come outside.Kiara was crying,Pope was about to vomit,John.B was panicking and JJ had kneeled down in front of you,trying to talk.You couldn't hear anything he was saying,any sounds except for your heart beating and your sobs.He needed you to go to the hospital,desperately trying to get through to you.He gently lifted your chin up so you’d look at him properly. “Sunshine,you need to get in the van so we can take you to the hospital.”He spoke gently,his fingers tracing lines along your temple and jawline gently.

“Im fine.”You insisted,trying not to cough. “You’re not fine-your knee is fucking twisted,your back is slashed and youre covered in bruises!You’re not fine!”John B shouted,completely losing his cool.You huffed at the commotion,ignoring the hot tears and the pounding in your head. “You’re so fucking dramatic.”You tried pulled the hoodie from under JJ’s knee. “You cant just put your hoodie back on and pretend everything is fine.”He refused to move.You looked up at him,offering a small smile. “Everything is fine.”You repeated again.His jaw clenched.

“What the actual fuck?Come on,you know you're not fine!You know you’re not!Just let someone help you for once in your damn life-its either you get in the van and you let us take you to the hospital or I will hunt down whoever did this and shoot them in the fucking face.What’s it gonna be?”He asked.You just shook your head,more tears coming from your eyes.Someone else always got gurt,why>Kiara slowly came up to you,kneeling down and letting you cry into her shirt.You just kept apologizing,crying.POpe ran inside,coming out with a first aid kit and a rag,yelling for John.B to get rubbing alcohol and ice. “Hey,hey you gotta let us help you.”The dark skinned boy spoke quietly,sitting by you.

You let out a loud sob,JJ bit down hard on his lip and tried not to cry too.Everything was a blur as a rag got put in your mouth while Kiara held you tight.Pope was trying to clean the slash on your back with rubbing alcohol,your screams and sobs muffled by the rag. “Guys!Give her a minute!”JJ shouted.Pope took the blood stained,alcohol drenched towel and tossed it onto the porch.Kiara slowly let go of you,allowing you to lean forward.It was unspoken as JJ opened his arms and you wrapped your arms around him as you cried until you couldn't anymore,your eyes puffy.He didn't touch you at all,not wanting to hurt you and remembering you saying that you didn't want to be touched. “Was it...was it Lucas?”He asked.You gave him a weak nod,breaths still shallow from crying so hard.His hands became fists but he tried not to get angry again for your sake.

He made quick eye contact with John.B.They would go to his house and beat the devil out of him later.He rested his head against your shoulder,kissing your collarbone lightly. “Did he hit your head?”He asked.You just held onto him tighter.What a fucking mess this was.You sighed,moving away from him. “How long has this been going on?”John.B asked,sitting down. “A couple months.”You answered,finally coming clean. “Jesus,sunny,why didn't you tell any of us?”He asked.You shrugged,wincing at the pain.

“Thought you guys would be mad at me.”You mumbled,causing the group to go silent. “You should come inside and shower.”Kiara suggested.She held her hand out to you,you got up with a low groan as your knee made a cracking sound.You pulled your clothes out from underneath JJ,limping back inside with Kie.She turned on the shower for you while you stared at your body in the mirror. “It doesn't hurt...he didn't hit me that hard.”You ran your fingers along the bruises. “He could've killed you.”Kie reminded you. “Its fine,Kie.I bruise easy anyways.You should see Lucas,I kneed him right in the dick.”You gave her a small smile before hesitantly stepping under the hot,flowing water.

You let out a sharp squeak as the blood hit the water,coloring the floor a faded murky red. “Im going to grab you some clothes.Will you let me bandage you up later?”Kie asked.You nodded,watching the blood go down the drain and try not to get your ahir wet.You heard the door open around two minutes later,too tired to open your eyes.Everything just felt heavy. “Why didn't you tell us?”A masculine voice asked.You could identify the voice as JJ’s.You opened your eyes partly,looking over to see him leaning against the sink with clothes under one arm and a towel under the other.

“You never asked.”Was all you could think of,hand shaking as you turned off the water.You held onto the wall for support,shocked at how weak you were.You felt JJ wrap the towel around your shoulders,holding his arm out for support.You held on tight to his for arm as his other hand went to your waist,ready to catch you if you fell.You were trembling slightly,gripping his arm so hard that it was beginning to lose color. “I've got you baby girl.Take your time.”He spoke softly.You nearly fell as you stepped onto the small rag on the tile floor.The towel still hung on your shoulders,covering your breasts.

He slowly dragged the towel down your body,careful as the material grazed your injured thigh,dragging it back up to pat your neck dry.He kissed your forehead lightly,letting your naked body lean against him.In any other situation it would be all of his dreams and fantasies come true but he couldn't think about anything sexual in this moment.He was helping you,comforting you. “Baby.”He mumbled quietly.Neither of you really knew why he called you that,it just came more naturally than your name.He called you by Baby,Babygirl,Sunshine.Pretty much anything but your name.You could realate.You had nicknames for the others,words you would use instead of their names.

Pumpkin,Sweetheart,Darling,Love.But only JJ got to be called Love.It was something special for only him.You hummed quietly,listening to him. “I’ll hurt him,if you want.”He offered,waiting for your answer.You shook your head,moving his chin so he was forced to look at you. “Don't be so angry,Love.Karma will get him eventually.”You answered softly,pulling him down so you could kiss his nose. “I just wish I could protect you from everything.”He sighed,his bottom lip quivering.You pulled him closer,pressing a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I know.But you cant and thats okay.”You replied before pulling the clothes from the bathroom counter,trying to figure out how you could slip on the shorts without making your thigh cut bleed again.He noticed your struggle,taking the shorts from you and assisting in pulling them up your legs,helping you with the T Shirt as well. “I love you.”He whispered.You nodded,squeezing his hand. “I love you too.”You answered.

@nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland @yuxsh06 @ifilwtmfc @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @sunwardsss @meaganjm @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @maybebanks

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heretherebedork · 3 years

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Hiya there! The scenario with the realization of their feelings was just.. soft.. and warm. Not going to lie, it kind of makes me sad, but in a good way. Shows rarely ever have those type of intimate scenes that are quiet like that.

Premise: Everyday life setting (house settings, school settings, etc.) + dream settings with a ML who keeps having strange dreams of a man. ML tries to tell other people but no one listens, so he talks to this dream guy and they can do whatever they want in these dreams.

That's one thing a lot of the Korean BLs do well, I cannot deny. There's a lot more small, soft, quiet moments than we see in some of the others. Still not quite everything, but good. I mean, Oxygen and Tossara are some of my favorites and I love them so much because they're soft and slow and gentle and filled with love and respect.

Anyway!

ML is the most typical guy you've ever met. He's kind of boring, has a small group of friends, studies engineering and mostly just goes about his life without much change from anything. He's very, very average and he's happy with that. He's never wanted to stand out. Think an anime opening except you pass over all the people with bright hair and interesting earrings and painted nails and end up on a guy with plain hair, a plain uniform and a blank expression on his face.

But he dreams brilliantly. All his life ML has had bright and vivid dreams about anything and everything. They're fantastic and he loves sleeping. He's never had a boring dream in his life. But he learned early on not to talk about them.

And all his life he's dreamt of another person. At first he was a kid like him and they ran around in this vivid fantasy world together and everyone laughed about his stories and his imaginary friend. But the older he got without anything changing, the less patient everyone got.

Then the dreams stopped. Not the dreams, they were still vivid. But his friends vanished from the dreams and ML found himself wandering around alone. It was lonely at first but he grew used to it and assumed that he'd just imagined the friend, like everyone had told him, and that he'd finally outgrown that.

So, here he is. ML, boring but with vivid dreams, walks into his second year at the university, dressed casually but in uniform and sees a familiar face in the crowd. Only... only it's not familiar in a way he can place. The sense of deja vu keeps happening.

When he goes to sleep, when he opens his eyes to his vivid dream world... he's not alone.

For the first time in nearly a decade, he's not alone.

There's another young man, the same age as him, sitting in front of him and just staring. Dream is of the anime protagonists we saw earlier, well, styled like one. He has brilliant blue hair, multiple earrings and he's grinning ear to ear.

ML flips out a little bit. But Dream just keeps repeating ML's name excitedly and trying to talk about missing him and how sorry he was that he vanished and finally ML calms down enough to listen.

Dream's family, it turned out, had moved to the United States for several years due to his father's work. And it meant that Dream and ML had no longer shared sleeping hours. But Dream was finally back in Thailand and so, so excited. He'd been worried that the dreams wouldn't be shared again. But he'd never forgotten ML.

So their nightly adventures return. Dream shows ML all the experimenting he's done in the dream world, all the ways he figured out to change things in his search for ML, things that ML never really tried because he was too worried, too nervous, too shy to take those extreme steps.

It's fine, though. They resume their friendship almost as if it had never paused. And ML starts to realize exactly how... boring... he is. Dream's been traveling the world, both IRL and in the dream, seeing all kinds of things and experimenting and ML has just been in the same place, in the same home, in the same everything.

Dream's enthusiasm is hard for ML. He's not jealous, honestly. He's just worried that he's not good enough. He's never met anyone like Dream and soon he's spending most of his waking hours worrying about what he'll say in the dream to Dream. School's getting harder, everything's harder, and when ML finds himself doodling Dream on his workbooks and he realizes that he's in love.

But how can he be in love? How can he even imagine living up to the fascinating person that Dream is and that he isnt?

Now, all through this, in the university scenes, he keeps getting deja vu around this one student who looks and acts almost as boring as he does. ML has no idea how to handle this immense familiarity, especially when his classmate seems oblivious to his existence. ML is struggling both in the university and in his dreams and his friends are worried.

One night, it comes to a head. ML can't handle it and he ends up in a huge fight with Dream about nothing. Literally just... nothing. ML's upset and feels like he can't be good enough and so he fights about everything because he has no idea how to express that feeling. And Dream leaves the dream, he leaves in tears and ML's regret cannot be measured.

Several nights of dreaming without Dream send ML spiraling... and he hasn't seen Deja Vu around either, not that he's ever spoken to the other student. But ML suddenly feels alone and isolated and like he's never felt before...

Finally, he goes to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, nothing better to do... and sees Dream there. It has to be Dream. But it looks like Deja Vu there in his dream world, just another boring university student ant not the anime protagonist he'd grown used to seeing.

He calls out to him, rushing over to apologize and Deja Vu tries to stay away from him. He's obviously been crying and he keeps trying to hide himself from ML.

ML apologizes again and again until Deja Vu... until Dream looks at him and finally lets himself be pulled into a hug. And they talk. Well, ML talks. And Dream asks questions that ML forces himself to answer, no matter how painful.

Dream goes from crying to laughing very quickly. Because the idea that ML thinks he's boring, thinks he's not worth Dream's time, is just funny. Dream spent the past near-decade searching desperately for ML anywhere in the dreamverse. Finding him again was the best thing that ever happened.

And ML listens, finally. He listens to Dream and he believes him. He believes, he realizes, that he doesn't need to be everything, to be the most interesting person or the best to deserve to be more than just average, to not be overlooked.

Then comes Deja Vu. Who Dream suddenly looks like. And the full realization hits ML when Dream starts to blush...

Less than hour later they're standing together in a parking lot, eye to eye for the first time in the real world, two average looking young men, two average students, sharing something so beyond average there's nothing that can stop their kiss.

#premise anon #ilu premise anon #write my own bl #writing #writing a summary #i write summaries #not stories #holy shit #i like this one #someone steal this from me and make it #full permission granted

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storysofmyown · 3 years

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Seven stages of love Chapter 7, Epilogue: Philutia

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore, now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.

Read on ao3

Word Count: 1818

Trigger Warning: None that I can think of. If you find any feel free to let me know so I can add them!

The house of lamentation was in an absolute uproar. Noises coming from every room in the house. Lucifer had his classical music on an all time high, his own way to shut away the noises that were coming from the kitchen, as Belphegor and Beel attempted to make some horrific concoction that went against Solomon's own cooking. As well as Mammon’s music that was blaring from his room, apparently having entered a context where the louder he listened to music, the more opportunity he had to win, meanwhile Leviathan was showing Satan an anime, the music of the intro being able to be heard through the entire house as it fought with that of his brothers. Except from one demon, who although had been having a messy head, who's words and screams were louder than all the noises in the house, was now oddly quiet. As he smiled at himself in the mirror.

Asmodeus placed the perfume bottle down, picking up the earrings Mammon had given him in exchange for having sold his designer shoes. They were quite pretty, for having been a gift from Mammon. The demon let out chuckle, it was...odd. Being able to look at himself in the mirror once more, gone the feeling disgust. A few days ago, he would have been to the point we're if he caught a glance of himself in the mirror, it would have been broken in a million pieces, accompanied by the blood that would have been pouring from his wounds. But now...now he was once more able to smile at the demon reflected in the mirror. A real smile, not like the ones be had given for so many years in order to fool himself and convince the corroded carcass of a demon to go out into the world.

Now, he was able to see himself. The real Asmodeus, the one that had been locked away from all that pain and all those desires, the one that wasn't controlled by the feeling of lust and the sin that had place a chain around his wrists and a leash on his neck. Finally allowing himself to breath the perfume of roses that lingered in his room, instead of the despair that came from his mind. Now he was ready to go out into the world again. But the world that he wanted to go out to, wasn't the same as the one he thought he needed. And he just hoped they would like the new Asmodeus, along with what he had to say, and how he wanted to say it.

"Asmo?"

Belphegor’s voice made Beel stop mid bite, looking in the direction his brother was. He had just entered the kitchen and was looking at the two with curiosity, not only that but he had adorned himself in the usual clothes he would wear to go out. Although, those were less...loud.

"Hi!" He spoke in his usual cherry tone, making the twins look at each other.

"You look nice." Beel spoke, food still in his mouth before he finished the bite.

"Are you going out?" The youngest leaned against the counter, fluffing the pillow in his hands slightly before his eyes fell on the older brother, who was ravaging the cabinets searching for all kinds of things.

"Nope! I was actually thinking of doing a movie night." The click of the bowl as it was set down on the table, and the crinkling of the bags, made Beel hungry, but aside from that, it attracted some other demon into the kitchen, who had been avoiding finding the eldest all afternoon.

"Yo, y'all cooking something?"

"Mammon! Perfect timing~" The fifth eldest grabbed onto the Avatar of greed's arm, pulling him into the kitchen and proceeding to place the bowl on his hands, already full. "Here, see that Beel doesn't eat them yet." As he spoke, he started taking cups out if the cabinets, and ice from the fridge.

"Oi, hold on. You can't just grab me and pull me like that-, Beel!" Mammon glared at his younger brother, who’s hand was almost already inside the bowl, mumbling an apology as he retracted it. "What are you even doing?"

"He's doing a movie night." Belphegor spoke, although none of the demons in the room knew if he was awake of asleep.

"We are making a movie night! None of you are escaping." Asmo stated, placing the cups, already full, in a tray. "Here, Belphie, you take this to the room. Beel, would you be a dear and search for some more food? We know it won't be nearly enough for all of us. I'll go get the others! You three wait for me in the living room~"

After searching through his home for the remaining of his brothers, two of them being more reluctant to participate, as he had expected. He and Lucifer went to the twin’s room and came back with an array of pillows and blankets to get comfortable all over the floor, at which Levi complained, only to be quickly shut up as they reminded him the position he took to play. Asmo finally managed to get all of them into the living room just in time to catch Beel almost eating from the bowl he had entrusted Mammon to protect. After a couple of more complaints, and a silent glare from Lucifer, Asmodeus finally managed to have all his brothers sit down.

"...ok, so you have us all here. Now what?" Leviathan asked, a little annoyed at having had his game taken away from him, just when he was about to beat a hard level.

"Now, we obviously watch a movie, dummy~" Asmo spoke from his position as he set up a DVD player, making Satan frown.

"I didn't know we still owned one of those."

"Hold on, isnt that-"

"Yes, Levi, this is yours. I think you saved it a long time ago in the attic." Asmo said, turning the device on and place a DVD inside the player, quickly hooking it up to the tv and sitting between him brothers, shoving Belphie to the side, effectively waking him up. "Now, get cozy, we are spending the whole night together~" he chuckles, only for some of his brothers to groan, although, none of them tried to get away from him and just smiled as the movie started.

It had been a few hours, and the known Avatar of Lust, along with the rest of his family, had went on to go on with their movie night. Well, movie night was to put it highly, in fact, they were watching some videos. This was what the Avatar of Lust truly wanted to do, spend time with his family, as he remembered how important they were. Videos from all the years they had spent together. Recorded in old cameras that at the time where the best technology possible. Old phones and pictures, them all sharing their own thoughts and stories behind all the images that flashed by. At first, they all seemed to be surprised that those were the 'movies' Asmodeus was referring too. But after a while, they grew fond of the idea, basking in the old memories and even sharing even older ones from the time they fell and fond times they remembered from the celestial realm, telling Satan all about them. Although, a certain older demon noticed how the young Avatar or Lust got slightly increasingly nervous each time it moved to another section. Until it got to a video, the quality as of the D.D. D’s they used now, and it showed Asmo, in his room, alone.

"...uh, hi?" The Asmo in the video spoke. By his state, they all could tell he had been obviously tired when recording this. "So, I'm...making this to put my thoughts in order, I guess?" He looked directly into the camera. "...but as I pressed the button I realized that...all I have in mind and all that I truly want to say is...thank you..."

The audio paused for a moment, an obvious distressed Asmo taking a moment to collect himself, the brothers all looked at the Asmodeus that was currently sitting between them all. Wide eyes in shock. The demon could feel the eyes on him, making a light pink come to his cheeks as he watched himself in the video. A slight feeling of shame, no, perhaps embarrassment at having decided to approach the situation in such a way.

“Asmo what is-” Lucifer was cut off by the video finishing, the screen turning dark. All brothers looking confused at Asmodeus, who could barely muster the courage to look at any of them, so, instead, he kept his sight glued to the floor, before speaking.

“I know…I have been difficult lately, and that you all have had a hard time dealing with me and…and all my questions. But…after speaking with every single one of you…” A small smile comes to his lips as he remembered the conversations, and what they had meant to him. They way they had opened his eyes to the world he had been missing, and to the one he had submerged himself in so deep there was no light anymore. “…I realized what it is that I was lacking. So, thank you, my dear brothers and…”

He pauses again, letting the silent set in his words to his brothers. It had been a long journey. And at first, he had felt so lost…like there was no way he could ever truly understand what was missing, or where to even beginning searching. But thanks to his brothers, and without even realizing it, he had been actually searching what it was missing. And he now understands. He understood better than anything else, better than even his own sin and his own mind and buddy, that the answer for what he needed laid right inside of the house of lamentation. Within himself, and one of the few ways he could start learning and reconnecting with who he was, was right around him.

With his family. With his big, stupid, loud, noisy family. The one that had watched him crumble and instead of mocking him had helped him get back up slowly. And now he was taking the first step after having been rebuilt slowly, the first step of the journey he had yet to complete. But that he wasn’t worried about, because he had his family. And to grasp and fully understand the thing he needed; the Avatar of Lust wouldn’t need to go anymore. And for him that was more than okay, because that meant he could stay close to those who had helped him trough it all. To those who would keep helping him. And to the six demons he only had one thing to say, and it the same thing he had to say to himself.

“I love you all”

Philutia: Self love

******

Hi, well, here we are, at the end. I am honestly surprised I managed to finish this in time, but hey, here it is! I really, really hope you all had enjoyed this fan fiction as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I guess I will see you all on my next fic obey me fic XD

Take care!

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sweetmisschesire · 4 years

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Pt 2

Maysibelle (mayday)

Mayday is the last fight before eve

So the fight starts with her singing and the brothers blasting their way in

Since they dont have a guitar player they just sort of use some recordings they render to their liking to make up for it

So in their interruption imagine it like the Highway to Hell opera video, only right before the singing of the rock song starts maysibelle stops the music by snapping her fingers

She has both those mannequins neon j made for her and actual people dancing

After she stopped the music the dancers stopped with the human dancers moving off to the side of the ballroom for their own safety

This is the dress she is wearing

And this is the mask

And hair

(She speaks in an aloof, emotionless tone)

“Ah so this is the infamous duo who don’t know their place”

(Z is zuke w is west)

W: and what exactly is our place

“Away from these districts, learning how to play respectable music”

Z: you all need to come off it already, what do you have against rock?

“It boisters itself as superior in music and yet now look at it. Only the talentless dare practice it. “

W: me thinks the lady doth protest too much

“How dare you. Leave, now.”

Z: sorry but not without this district

*laughter* “very well then have at you”

So the video i linked before with the three songs is what plays during her battle

(This is not a fun fight for west, gotta add some humor)

While she sings west and zuke have to dodge the mannequins as they dance towards them as a attack

They find out they’re mannequins when a mask gets knocked of one of them leaving the oulines of pupiless eyes on a blank face

W: mannequins why mannequins?

Z: seriously those things still freak you out?!

W: yes! Especially ones that dance on their own!

They also keep getting hit by something they cant really see

Zuke: what the heck is going on what is even hitting us

W: she’s got nice pipes though, but we can play better

The next phase starts with the second song and after theyve beaten the mannequins, with a head of one being knocked into her mask damaging it

The mannequins are cleared out and some life sized marrionettes drop down

W: it gets worst! Please no dolls.

Her costume in this phase is this (it was under her dress)

And both her and the marrionette dance ballet as she sings

The difference here is the marionettes will lift up and drop down so they have to watch the shadows to see where they land

This is also how they start understanding what’s hitting them

Z: *watches a shadow fly towards his brother and hit him* so that’s what been hitting us? Bro! Watch for all the shadows on the floor, i think that’s what was getting us in the last phase!

W: why am i the one she keeps aiming for?! Lady lay off already!

Z: bigger target?

They cut down the marionettes from their strings leaving them useless with west panicking when one touches him and throwing it at maysibelle, fracturing her mask more

“I’ll get you for that.”

W: you’ve literally been going mostly after me already!

(She changes her costume during the convo, she walks behing a screen and steps out in it)

“As your brother said you are indeed the larger target. And your brother has been far more respectful than you.”

W: hey

Z: she’s kind of right though

The skirt is a bit shorter covering her feet bit easy to move in

No assistance this time though she has fans she throws that are weapons and they still have to dodge the mystery attack

At one point dk west trips over a doll that somehow lands on the floor

W: *screams*

“..... it’s just a doll. And don’t you dare break her.

Z: bro we’ve gotta do something about this fear of yours

The end of this phase after they’ve hit her enough ends with wth west knocking on of her fans back into her mask which is now covered in cracks

“Are you incapable of anything but disrespect?”

W: are you capable of talking like you can feel emotions?

“Perhaps i should hit you harder?”

Z: you are just on fire today bro

W: what she acts and talks like she can’t feel anything

“Emotions are meant to be controlled, it is inappropriate to let others see you in such a state.”

W:...

Z:... what

W: you know you would probably have an easier time telling people how you feel eithout that mask

“Don’t you dare to touch it! I am never to show my face in public!”

Z: okay this is getting a bit uncomfortable

W: what kind of messed up logic is that?

“I don’t expect you to understand his teachings. Nor do i expect you to understand that you two could never power Vinyl City!”

W: says you and every other so called artist. Can’t wait to prove you all wrong

“I’ve had just about enough of you. Since you’ve made it further than i thought capable, allow me to show you my true power. Bask in trance techno opera, all i was ever born to do.”

Z: alright now it’s really uncomfortable

She walks behind another screen and steps out in this

The lights center on her and the brothers can make out this black smoke like mist surrounding her a bit

She moves her hands to the start of her phantom of the opera performance and the mist moves with her

Z: that’s what was hitting us before?!

As she sings she sends out this mist that is basically like energy and they have to dodge it while attacking her

They get to the lull in the song with no singing

Z: whoever you’re doing this for you dont have to

West isnt quite following yet

“Hmm, charming. I do this because i must. But since you seem to love doling out advice, allow me to return the favor.”

“Apologize. She deserves that much from you, and more.”

Zuke is surprised by this and maysibelle gets in a hit as she goes back to singing

W: maybe focus on the fight instead of small talk?

Z: ...

W: seriously she’s just messing with ya

Z: no she’s not. I know exactly who she’s talking about

It takes a lot to get through this fight and maysibelle actually shows some signs of anger and frustration before immediately pushing them down

This is where west starts picking up on something being wrong with her

Towards the end of the song they work their way up to her and zuke manages to push though and smash his drumsticks down

Hebhad been aiming for her microphone but accidentally hit her mask finallt shattering it

The music stops as she screams and drops to her knees covering her face

W: woah man that was a bit much don’t you think? You coulda broker her nose

Z: I don’t think that’s the reason she screamed.

He notices some of the people left are peering over and sees the cameras oving to see her better

Z: *frowning* do you all not know how to respect someone’s privacy?!

They back off a bit startled at him zuke picks up a cloak that came off a mannequin from earlier and drapes it over her

Maysibelle readjusts it so the hood shrouds her face completely she grasps at the shards of her mask trying to put it back together

“can’t let them see can’t let them see can’t let them see”

W: okay what is wrong with-

Z: west don’t. Look i have no idea why you think those things. There’s nothing wrong with your emotions or the way you look

“How would you know? You’ve no experience of them.”

Z: yeah but do you either?

*voice quivers, but still remains emotionless not crying* I don’t remember my face. It’s been so long.”

W: how do you not-

Z: west. Just...why? Why not let yourself feel or show?

“I’m not allowed.”

Zuke moves towards her but she cuts him off

“Leave. I don’t need your pity.”

Z: that’s not what i-

“I said go.”

The two leave her ballroom and she calls out to them still gripping her mask pieces

“Remember to apologize. You owe her so much.”

Interlude

Z: that was super uncomfortable

Kliff appears

“What was uncomfortable?”

West goes to answer but zuke cuts him off

Z: the walk back, the fight was really exauhsting so it was uncomfortable wslk back

West gives he brother a loo and kliff shrugs

“Well good job getting another district. She was gonna beca hard one. Go get some rest we’ll take the last district tomorrow”

As the two leave to their rooms west talks

W: what was that back there?

Z: kliff keeps ignoring me when i mention how bad the nsr artists look and i dont know if you’ve noticed but i listened to some of maysibelle’s fans on the way back

W: and?

Z: they were praising her for staying “proper” during our fight, like they really do expect her to not show emotions and when i asked them about that thry say it’s what they expect of her how she’s always bern this way

Z: west there’s something really wrong with the nsr artists it’s like they’ve been... broken

W:... what did she mean by apologize

Z: it has to do with the last district.

Z: it’s nadia’s district.

This was a long one

Next one will be long too, mainly cause if the last fight with tatiana

I’ve really hurt mayday huh? :D

#nsr #no straight roads #nsr au #no straight roads au #no worshiped roads #nwr #nsr mayday #nsr zuke #nsr dk west

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sunflowersunshinevol6 · 4 years

Text

Hello Harry

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!OC

Warnings: smut, cheating, prostitution, blowjobs

Summary: Camille's been cheating. But with who

Harry knows she's having an affair; the question is, with who?

Could be Jake from the yoga studio, maybe her manager or even one of her friends...

Harry is so fucked up.

He hates this, hates thinking about it and feeling jealous and the caveman bullshit that's driving him insane. But he knows Camille is cheating on him, he's found the texts on her phone 'contact unlisted' all about meetings and hotels. They're not exactly the sexiest but then, Camille isn't stupid – deniability is probably something she'd want. Then there's the scent of unfamiliar perfume that hangs to the clothes she dumps in the laundry basket, too deeply ingrained to be anything other than contact with another person. She's picked up a few tricks too, bendy and amazing as she is, she was not a pro when it came to giving head. He wasnt mad of course, it's not the kind of thing that's a deal breaker. He just didn't ask for it and she only volunteered when she felt she needed too. But now....

She'd gotten good at it, great even.

Harry wondered where the hell that had come from.

It made it harder for him to want her when he couldn't kiss her without thinking about her mouth around some one else's dick.

So he keeps checking her phone. Ignored the occasional looks she gives him in the evenings when they're cocooned on the sofa, watching the same rom coms over and over again. The looks that say ' Why do you keep moving away from me? You dont want me anymore?' She actually looks hurt. Sometimes he wonders if it's all in his mind.

Then the text comes through, he reads it and deletes it without letting her see it. Then he hides her phone in his studio, some place she wouldn't look.

'Wednsday. Apartment 216. Same time.'

Harry has a few options here, he could have let her read the text, then followed her. He could go to the apartment and check out who lives there. Or he could go for the knee jerk reaction – find the apartment and beat the hell out of the other guy.

Sane? Probably not. But more than anything Harry wants it to be a mistake, all in his mind. He loves her. He really does. And he isnt sure he can handle it if everything really is a lie.

He drives across town wishing that he wasn't 'that guy' the one who didn't just man up and ask his girlfriend what was wrong. No, he's the guy who'll deny everything and push it down until he can't hide from it anymore – he has to find out what's been going on, has to make himself believe it.

The apartment building is moderately nice, clean and modern with an entry phone and lots of chrome and exposed brick. It's in a nice enough neighborhood. Harry pulls up and buzzes the right apartment. A women's voice comes over the intercom taking him by surprise.

"Hello?"

Harry hasn't really thought this through, what does he say? Especially since he had expected a man to answer not a woman. Is she in a three way? He closes his eyes and swallows, playing for time as he works something out.

"Yeah...Hi, I guess I'm here to see you." He flinches at how lame that sounds. "I want to..."

The door buzzes open.

"It's alright. Come on up." The voice is pleasant, gentle. Almost as though she is trying to soothe him, which does not do wonders for Harry's mood. He's so confused. What the hell is he doing.

He mounts the stairs and reaches the apartment door as it opens. A small petite girl around 5'2 opens the door, a kind smile on her face. Harry takes her in, taken by surprise at how gentle she looks. She has long dark hair and bright blue eyes that look at him with amusement, a kind smile on her plump pink lips.

"So...you want to come in?" her voice is light, calm and nonchalant.

He can't judge himself against this stranger, can't quite work out if Camille is maybe bisexual or if it's all in his head.

"Yeah" he follows her slim, retreating back into the apartment. "You don't seem surprised that I'm here." Harry says, finally, as they reach the living room, there's a huge L shaped couch dominating the space and she gestures for him to sit.

"Should I be?" her manner is still easy, formal but not guarded, like she couldn't lie if she tried. Harry hates it, but then, maybe she has no idea that Camille is taken. Maybe she doesn't even know her name. She seems to catch Harry's assumption that she should be surprised and shrugs.

"I was expecting someone else...a mix-up on my part." She settles onto the couch easily, jean clad legs falling carelessly open, hands resting in her lap.

Neither of them speak.

"You seem nervous." She says eventually, smiling and leaning forwards, arms resting on her knees.

"I'm not...I'm not even sure why I'm here." It comes out gruffer than he intended, less confrontational, more hopeless. "so how can I be nervous?"

"Well you must know why you're here...what is it you want to ask me?" her head tilts, exposing the side of her neck, her pulse fluttering. Harry teeters on the edge, not wanting to ask – not wanting to know. Wishing he could go back home to his two bedroom house and listen to one of Camille's modeling stories, curled against her side in the warmth of their bed.

He can't, it would kill him to leave now.

He's about to speak when the girl's eyes narrow, lids lowering with shyness.

"Or...I'm sorry, usually I..." she looks up at Harry then, mouth twisting with self deprecating awkwardness. "I tend to negotiate...terms...upfront." Composure slips back into place.

Harry officially doesn't get her.

"You mean..." he has no idea how to finish that sentence, but fortunately the girl is now sitting next to him taking it as a prompt.

"Payment" she inclines her head delicately.

"For..."

Her blue eyes narrow as if she senses that they're not having the same conversation – finally. She leans back on the sofa, a politely confused look gracing her features.

"Who are you, exactly?" She asks, curiously.

"I'm...Camille's boyfriend." Harry says carefully. "I came here..." he breaks off and starts again with more strength in his voice. "Look, I know you've been texting my girlfriend, and, meeting her in hotels and today she was meant to come here." He gestures at the blue walls that surround them. "so I came here to find out..."

"Oh God." She seems genuinely horrified now, looking down at the floor and her own bare feet.

"...Find out that my girl's been having an affair." Harry feels like the all the air in the room is leaving and he can't breathe. "Did you know about me or did she never mention..."

"My clients don't tend to tell me much about themselves." She looks at him cautiously, sadness warring with anxiousness on her face.

"Clients." Harry repeats, dumbly. Because he was expecting the worst, and this was not it, the bottom falls out of his nightmare and he realises how much more he had to lose.

"I..." she looks suddenly frozen with realisation and what's worse...pity. "Mr..." she realises she doesn't know his name, falters and then proceeds anyway. "I'm sorry for what you're going through...my relationship with your, girlfriend...was a professional one, a transaction." She almost winces as she says, "I'm an escort."

Harry is motionless for about a minute and a half.

"You're a hooker." He finally says, flinching when he realizes how harsh the words came out.

"I prefer..." she stumbles, a light blush flushing her cheeks. "yes. Yes I am." She sighs. "I apologise....I thought..."

"You thought I was a 'client'" Harry can barely keep the shock out of his voice. Camille has paid this woman for sex. He feels empty, his head throbs with anger and pain and right now he just needs something, someone to hurt "Great, so my girlfriend buys sex from you...when I'm sitting at home or on the road." Harry can feel rage fogging his brain, making his temples ache with frustration.

"Look...I know this isn't the easiest situation...but this isn't really a conversation you need to have with me." Her voice is annoyingly firm and calm. But she does has a point, Harry has to admit, Camille paid her for whatever they did – it's not like she chose her or wanted her. It was just her job.

Another thought hits him – one he really wishes he hadn't had.

"What did she want you to do?"

Her face closes down.

"I don't think...I really don't think that would be productive."

"Screw productive!" Harry suddenly shouts, startling her and making her jump nervously. "I want...I need" his voice breaks, his breath too sharp for his chest. "I have to know."

"It won't help." She says softly.

"I know...but I need to..." Harry is stuck, he can't explain it, so he just looks to her, trying to communicate the misery he feels.

"I..." she swallows, looking down at her hands. "It was just...some advice on...uh...technique." a slight flush creeps up her neck.

"On?" his voice is strained.

"Oral sex." It's almost an apology. "There was no...she didn't participate, I told her a few...tricks....we never did anything. She just wanted advice."

And he can't...he just can't. There's nothing to think that won't hurt. That Camille paid some woman...a hooker to teach her tricks. For him? Or for someone else? He doesnt know anymore.

"How much?" he hears himself ask, numbly.

Her head shoots up, looking at him carefully.

"I don't think..."

"How. Much?" he grates out. He feels bad, so so bad, and right now he just wants to feel out of it, he can't even call it feeling good. He wants to feel...nothing.

"I don't think" the woman, the whore, continues doggedly. "that would help how your feeling."

" I know...but I want..." he can't articulate it, doesn't want to try. "You need the money or not?"

She blinks sadly, ducks his head, eyes firmly shut against her own opinions. "Fifty."

Harry huffs with humourless laughter, but takes out his wallet and deposits notes on the couch between them. She takes them and folds them slowly, slipping them into the pocket of her jeans.

There's a pause and Harry can feel his heart beating painfully, his body contracting with pain and despair.

"Blow me." He says. She dips her head in understanding and drops to the floor in front of him, kneeling on the carpet. Harry closes his eyes when he feels hands going to work on his fly. He doesn't want to see, or even feel. He already wants this over and done, something else to regret.

Warm breath hits his exposed skin, dick still soft, not that he expected otherwise. Her soft, plush lips move over him and he feels himself stirring at the contact. By the time she's sucking lightly at his head, he's almost fully hard, pushing reluctantly into the contact. Loose open mouthed kisses are pressed over his balls, harsh, excited breath rumpling the crisp hair. Harry lets out an involuntary mumble of appreciation.

The slow, exploratory touches become more of a constant pressure. The girl on her knees encircles Dean's shaft with one hand, sucking the tip and running her tongue over the slit and the thick vein that Harry knows all too well. With one quick movement she withdraws her hand and takes Harry in as far as possible, tongue swirling on the way down. Harry makes a strangled sound, heat and slick tightness and the pressing weight of the whore's tongue overloading him for a second. The girl bobs her head up and down, unsurprisingly moving like a pro. Harry recognises the technique as Camille's new approach.

It's almost the same sensation, a little more practiced but still similar enough to blur together with her in his mind. He's losing himself to bitterness, forgetting where he is and remembering Camille and what she's done.

And then she moans.

The rough, wrecked sound breaks Harry from his thoughts and he opens his eyes, looking down at the dark head still intently bobbing on his cock. She moans again on the down stroke and Harry can feel her tongue sweeping at hus head, tasting pre-come and coming back for more. He shifts from his place, thrown back on the couch, raising himself enough to look at the girl's face.

Her eyes are shut, squeezed closed not at the strain of the motion, as he finds Camille sometimes looks, but instead with guilty pleasure. Soft hands grip Harry's thighs, urging him up, closer. Another wordless, groan of pleasure wracks the throat of the girl kneeling before him. Her eyes flicker open a little, taking a second to focus on Harry's flushed, intent face. Blue eyes turn slightly worried for a second, as if she's suddenly remembered that this is one sided deal – that Harry is paying for a service and not doing her a massive favour by shoving his cock down her throat.

Harry lays a hand on her dark hair, soft and untidy, gently pushing her further down onto his erection, hips bucking up as he watches the whore's lips stretch around him. Her eyes flick closed as she goes back to sucking, cheeks hollowing and she moans around the weight of him, soft keening noises and greedy, thick moans that catch her throat.

Harry can't tear his eyes away.

'Fuck...fuck...yeah, god..." Harry crashes into his orgasm, body stiffening as she swallows him down, lapping at his cum.

She sucks Harry lazily, pulling off when he emits a soft noise at the stimulation of his sensitive dick. She presses her nose to the dark hair there instead, inhaling shakily and making a wretched sound in the back of her throat. Harry can only shake, body and mind still lost and only aware that someone is lavishing attention on him, tender and soft as he comes down.

"...uh..." the sound falls from her lips, body trembling as she presses his mouth to the skin beside the root of Harry's spent cock. Harry pets her hair, feeling the soft nudging of her head against his palm.

This is intimate, wrong on levels beyond levels. But Harry can't pull away. He's lost his girlfriend, his perfect, beautiful girl. And the only thing that's made him feel good in months is a whore who's sucked him down for fifty bucks.

And loved every second of it.

She pulls away after a while, sitting back on her heels and rubbing the back of her hand across her reddened mouth.

Harry straightens up, she refuses to look him in the eye.

"I take it I should...go." Harry hears himself say. She looks up, looking for the first time like she isn't sure, not just mildly confused but downright uncertain.

"...I...yes." she says. She gets up and goes to the door, laying her hands on it. "I'm sorry...about how this has gone..."

"Don't. It's not...it's really not your fault." Harry steps through the opened door, looking back at her and feeling awkward, somehow regretting what they've done, for the wrong reasons. "Thank you...for...it was good."

"Good" she says, smiling slightly, then, without meaning to. "what's your name?" She never usually asks things of her clients.

"Harry." Harry says, feeling the weight in his chest decrease a little. "Styles." He adds, because being just Harry would make him like any one of the John's this girl must see. He wants to be different, not just a client but the guy who came to find out about his girlfriend, who came for a reason other than sex.

"I'm Prudence" He realises this must sound like a fake name. "Usually I introduce myself as Marie, it's my middle name. But I'm Prudence Bulsara-Hutton."

Harry likes the fact that he gets this girl's real name. He likes her more than he should like someone who's been hooking up with his girlfriend and then blown him for a handful of bills.

"Hi Prudence."

"Hello Harry."

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #solo harry #harry styles one shot

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 107

[Date: 28/03, 3:41 AM GMT - 28/03, 4:33 AM GMT]

[Direct continuation of pt 106]

jayyyyyyyy: “actually now that I think about it-- you're allowed to talk to us, but the rest of the court isnt. any idea why?”

Duke: “Today is the only exception on discord, the crown said that we may only do an introduction and answer any questions you few may have! curiosity when running rampant can be dangerous you see. With regards to twitter however, the truth is that we are simply more mature.”

jayyyyyyyy: “definitely seems like it-- you guys seem to be a lot more compact with how you respond to things”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Duke do you remember meeting crown? just curious!”

Duke: “Do not tell the others I told you this but many times I have crept down and listened to the scoldings our siblings have given each other, the brutish way they bicker and the consequences of their actions. Poor Baroness, her dress I mourn for! the Crown understands that despite us being young and despite us being newer members of the family we certainly have much more of a handle on things than the other poor lions do.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Oh”

jayyyyyyyy: “do you like dresses, Duke?”

Duke: “Meeting Crown? it was a summer's day, Ibelieve. My sister and Iwere having an outing at a beach with our family and we went off to explore and then...... Hm. It is quite interesting how joyous occasions can just slip past the mind! how time goes so quick when you are having fun it seems as though Icannot quite recall.”

jayyyyyyyy: “that-- I. hm”

Kate 👑: “Oh, the beach sounds lovely! I've never been, unfortunately- I'd get too many weird stares...”

Duke: “Dresses I do find intriguing! I prefer trousers and shirts though - much easier to clean and outfits do not come to ruin if a seam of either garment rips.”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! I was asking because you said you mourn for her dress?”

emuhlee: “Oh Duke, what kind of music do you prefer?”

Duke: “Oh beaches can be quite lovely! the water usually is so soothing and lovely. Kate, perhaps one day my sister and I may escort you? there are private beaches although I am unaware where the closest one may be.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I’d love to go to the beach-- its always seemed so nice, but unfortunately water burns me :')”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I’ve never been allowed to any beahes but from what I’ve heard they're lovely!”

Duke: “I adore multiple composers, it is hard to say! Niccolo Paganini my rank among my preferred if it may help.”

Raeva: “I've never been to beach but I have been to the coast and watched the waves crash and turn.”

Kate 👑: “I've been considering... filing down my antlers so I don't get weird looks, so maybe I can go out in public- but I'd love to maybe come with you one day!”

[jayyyyyyyy: “oh! I was asking because you said you mourn for her dress?”]

Duke: “And I do mourn for her dress. It was crafted with such care and deocre. Beautiful dresses are already difficult to maintain and it is a shame when one falls due to petty arguments.”

jayyyyyyyy: “aah I see”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Duke, how old are you and your sister? just curious!”

Duke: “I feel selfish for taking so much time and attention onto myself, do you have any interesting things about yourselves you would care to share?”

Duke: “My sister and Iare seventeen years of age.”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! uh”

jayyyyyyyy: “well, uh.. I’ma full enderman, if you havent guessed already. a few people have commented on my eyes being green instead of purple though :]”

Kate 👑: “I mean...I have antlers like a deer... I don't know if that would be considered interesting...”

S T A L: “I'm not quite sure. Ithink I'm a human if that helps”

Duke: “These are quite interesting things! Tell me, jay are you able to teleport?And Kate do you grow velvet?”

Raeva: “I like your antlers Kate even if you tried to gouge me with them once~”

Duke: “There is no shame in being human, it is what my sister and I are afterall!”

Big G (they/them): “17 yrs old gang pog”

jayyyyyyyy: “I can teleport! Ihave a lot of control on where I teleport to, though I also tend to panic teleport if it gets to that point”

Big G (they/them): “Also I am definitely not human, which is interesting I'd say.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I have fox ears and a tail but sometimes my ears play music against my will- and I have like black holes for eyes- not sure if that's interesting but its something abt me :/”

Duke: “Oh, that is intriguing! how does it feel to teleport?”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Sorry I haven't spoken much, I am more of a listener; but I'll properly introduce myself. The name I go by is Moth. I am also an enderman... Sort of. Long story. Green eyed as well :]”

Duke: “Your ears play music?”

Duke: “Oh goodness, so many endermen! It is a pleasure to meet you, Moth. I am Duke.”

jayyyyyyyy: “it feels.. well, at first it felt, erm.. strange? it upset my stomach a little, moving within the folds of space and all. now all it feels like is as if someone flicked my stomach”

Kate 👑: “They do... it's such an awful experience. I always look like I came right out of a horror movie...”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Pleasure to meet you as well, Duke.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “uhh yeah, my fox ears sometimes switch from normal to mechanical and play music- I don't have control over it though so it gets annoying at times

like sometimes I'll be half asleep and my ears are like "mmmm melohi go brr" and then I cant sleep”

Duke: “You all are such interesting individuals! Teleporting sounds like such fun but also like such pain, Jay. It sounds so unpleasant and yet it is as natural to you as breathing is to I.

Your ears truly are a mystery though Ren! Do you know what causes it to be as such, or have you suffered from this affliction since childhood?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “like dont get me wrong mellohi is a poggers song but it's unsettling when its playing in a dark room at 2 am”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “uhh I have an idea of why ears switch.. although I’m not sure as to why they only play music-

and I mean I technically have had them since I was a child but I wasnt born with them-”

Duke: “Was it a curse?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “depends on what you mean by that..

Duke: “Nothing bad, I assure you. I am simply just curious.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “if you mean like someone said some magic words and now I have to go on some quest to get rid of it, then no

but I see them as a curse or burden”

Kate 👑: “I'd take those ears over antlers any day...”

Duke: “My sincerest apologies to the both of you, it sounds painful.”

Raeva: “We all look like we crawled out of hell somedays.”

Big G (they/them): “lol”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I currently look like I crawled out of my hell tbh-”

Duke: “You should see me in the morning before I had my first cup of tea, I am truly a sight to behold!”

emuhlee: “You've mentioned tea a few times, what's your go-to type of tea?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I've been wearing the same clothes for like- how long has it been- for like 2 weeks because these are the only clothes that fit me rn, god there's so much dirt”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “yeah what type of tea person r u??”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Ren, do we need to go get you more clothes?”

Duke: “My preferred blend is Da Hong Pao. It's rich blend is truly something worth tasting.”

emuhlee: “maybe there are doll clothes laying around for you, ren/j”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “*normal clothes wouldn't fit me anyways we'd have to get van manto shrink them-”

Duke: “Have you ever crafted your own garments?”

[An argument breaks out between two of the server members that continues alongside this conversation]

Duke: “Getting in contact with a tailor may be in your best interest. While the needlework will have to be fine due to your small size the amount of fabric you use up would be less than a yard, likely evening out the cost.”

Duke: “Oh dear me. Be kind to your flock members, they are all you have.”

Kate 👑: “This is what I meant when I said that some of them don't appear to like the family, Duke...”

Duke: “The grandfather clock ticks away and I know I must leave soon. It is a shame Kate seeing your words proven true. Before I leave would you all enjoy a story?”

emuhlee: “A story sounds nice. Do indulge us?”

Duke: “"Do you love us?" asks the star to the moon, "Do you love us as you love the sun?"

"No," said the moon, for it could not lie to the ones it loves so preciously, "I love you more."

"Do you love the sun, then?"

"Indeed I do."

"Then how can you love us more?"

"Because," the moon said, gazing down at earth, "I love the ocean most of all."

Goodnight little sheep, I hope you all have sweet slumbers and lovely dreams. I myself will be having tea before bed, so I do hope you indulge in something nice before you sleep. I do hope you cease your arguing to find peace.”

#on:discord #by:duke #if the crown fits

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spohkh · 4 years

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GOOD AFTERNOON I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION! Please tell me how Dean and Cas would have been if they were raising baby Jack! Also do you think Claire would have babysat for her little brother sometimes if their dads were on a hunt?

HELLO SARAH thank u for this ask that was designed to drive me, specifically, ins*ne ❤️

i feel like... okay. oh this is going to be SO rambling i apologize in advance.

but ok so we KNOW for a fact that dean is a dad like he is just A DAD it is so integral to his being. he's caring and attentive and isn't afraid of the fact that kids can be gross or annoying because he recognizes that they are KIDS and need patience and care. so i feel like at first dean would just take over the bulk of the care for jack bc its just natural for him at this point. (IM THINKING ABOUT HIM BOUNCING THAT BABY IN WHATEVER EP THAT WAS AND ITS MAKING ME WANT TO CRY. HE IS SO GOOD WITH KIDS HES MEANT TO HAVE KIDS HES SO FULL OF LOVE!!!!) and cas ALWAYS looks to dean first when it comes to learning How To Be Human™ so he'd be watching what dean does to emulate him. i imagine theres a lot of "no no no--you need to support his head like THIS", and, "oh that means he's hungry here this is how you should hold the bottle", at the start of their care for him

GOD WASNT DEAN ALSO HUMMING A ZEPPELIN SONG TO THAT BABY HE WAS BOUNCING IN WHATEVER EPISODE THAT WAS (PLEASE SOMEONE DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT EPISODE IM TALKING ABOUT) HRRGHRGRGHGH LED ZEPPELIN LULLABIES BUT BETTER THAN THAT--BETTER THAN DEAN HUMMING HARD ROCK LULLABIES TO BABY JACK--CAS BEING LIKE OH YEAH THATS GREAT AND CASSSSSS HUMMNING HARD ROCK LULLABIIEISSS TO BABY JACKKKKK I AM GOING SUPERSONIC.

ALSO its important to rmmbr that jack ISNT fully human so there will be things that only cas will be able to take care of. my fuckng god they really are the perfect pair to care for jack oh god im getting emotional. i have no idea what those angel-specific needs would BE.... like god when jack is especially fussy and his unchecked powers start to come out dean is like okie doke time to tap in the angel husband i cannae handle getting laserbeamed by my infant son rn 😌✌🏼 and cas is like honestly id rather deal with jack trying to suplex me into the fuckng wall than change his diaper. quite simply i must admit you humans are kinda nasty at times god bless. but yeah jack would have ALL of his needs addressed thanks to having a human dad and an angel dad which i think is so key!! and is smth that they did kind of have in the show but due to um fukcng EVERYTHING else going on i felt like his human side was kinda neglected and wasnt developed as much as it couldve/shouldve been, which led to, yknow, a lot of dangerous misunderstandings. jack certainly needs and deserves to have his WHOLE self nurtured and recognized.

also wow itd be so nice to have an eldritch interdimensional being who technically doesnt need sleep as your co-parent bc dean can get ALLLLL he blissful sleep he needs while cas takes care of the nighttime baby needs! UGH perfect

AND YES. OF COURSE CLAIRE WOULD BABYSIT JACK. GOD IF EVER THERE WERE A GIRL DESERVING OF A YOUNGER SIBLING. she has older sister syndrome ANYWAY. also shes dean kin so i think itd be REALLY funny if dean is like are you SURE youre okay to take care of him? remember hes a nephilim like he has powers it can be really dangerous when he gets too worked up. actually forget it we'll call rowena or something i dont want you to get hurt. and claire is like dad. for real. just fuck off and go kill the werewolves or whatev i got this. and when they get back from the hunt they come back and jack is like fast asleep beside claire, who is ofc completely fine, and deans like did nothing happen??? claires like WHO do you think youre talking to of course its all fine he was a perfect angel (snicker snicker) because he likes ME. like jack goes down so easy for claire hes just always so calm and happy with her, never fusses, dean is like WHAT gives like not wanting to admit hes a little jealous that jack has never tried to laserbeam HER and shes like what can i say? sibling privilege. we have an understanding :) like father like daughter shes just a natural caregiver. dean is so proud. cas is so proud. they are so happy. oh my god. they love their kids so much.

in conclusion. dean and cas would be the most loving parents a baby nephilim could hope for. just today MY dad said to me that parents never want their kids to experience the pain that they have experienced themselves. he said that bc i was upset he wouldnt teach me how to change the light fixture in my closet bc there was a live wire and he didnt want me to get shocked like he has in the past BUT THE SAME PRINCIPLE APPLIES where, i feel like ESPECIALLY for dean, they would do their utmost to raise jack (AND claire) with the care that was so lacking from their own childhood experiences.

dean certainly tried with sam and did a good job, but he was a kid himself then and wasnt fully equipped to provide all the emotional support a child needs. now, as an adult in a supportive, committed relationship, dean will have the chance to REALLY devote himself in the way he was always meant to.

and cas...well... whats more human than caring for your child? everyday his love deepens--his love for dean, his love for their little house, his love for the honeybees and the clouds in the sky. all things he was never meant to have any feelings for, he just loves and loves and loves more because of the little life he has with dean and claire and now his little baby. everyday he becomes more himself because of his love for his family, and he pours all of that back into them. he is just so adoring. he listens to every sound jack makes with keen attention, committing every nonsensical syllable to memory, because its all important. he wants to make sure jack knows how loved he is and how recognized he is and how appreciated he is, just for existing. he wants jack to feel seen and known, in the ways he never was by his own father.

the way dean and cas are with baby jack is that they try. fundamentally thats what its all about. just trying. because u love so much. thank u

#not me writing a fuckng nonsensical dossier..... SCREAM #this dont make no sense luv x SORRY.....#i love you the universe #anyhoo...well..heres...whatever this is LOL THANNKS SARAH LOVE U SORRY U WAITED 3 DAYS FOR WHATEVER THIS IS JGFDKGHFDKGAGF #castielswift #ask

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minecraftoworymode · 5 years

Text

picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie-daisies the other day reading some Very badfeel content so to cheer myself up here’s some super self-indulgent ramblings about romeo recovery post-s2

“YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEHIND” or how romeo learned to stop worrying and indulge in the ““feminine”“ shit in life

when romeo transitioned he scrubbed everything that could be potentially viewed as feminine from his appearance and behaviour. while he did everything he could about the former (hairstyle, clothing, body language, voice), it didn’t feel like enough bc he couldn’t change some things that ppl used to be jerks- his frame (short and lithe), his family, his being trans- so he made up for it by trying to “act” like a “real man”. this unfortunately meant he was super vulnerable to manipulative alt-right indoctrination tactics (”we will validate you as a man as long as you endorse our assholery and share our shitty beliefs about what it means to be a man”) and he was on the verge of getting sucked into gamergate ideology when [THIS LORE IS ANOTHER POST] and hey, now the world is minecraft. u dont gotta perform gender roles for villagers they dont care. xara will not only actually eat ur liver for pulling The Bullshit but when you are kind she smiles, so bright and warm, and it is very very nice so maybe you should keep on doing that. n fred? fred is chill with their Everything in a way uve only ever Dreamed of. romeo marinates in this sauce for a couple centuries and comes the closest to being comfortable in his own skin he’s ever been.

however,

after the Incident he slam-dunked himself back into the hypermasculinity juice bc it was a mindset “safe” from feeling pain, whether his or others’. n since the worlds the admins created dont have the same ideas of gender as the world they came from, once he’s been dethroned romeo has a particularly hard time adjusting wrt That on top of all the other 2750347502730 issues he has to face

anyway flash forward a couple months of being incredibly volatile bc he now has to confront all the terrible things he did and how Dare u make him do that and maybe if hes nasty enough he can provoke someone into killing him and saving him from having to unpack All Of That- (note from @simple-mooshroom-herder: Xara and Jesse at least grasp that Romeo will probably burn himself out on this bullshit eventually and the best thing to do is interact with him with a certain level of healthy detachment. Eventually he'll see that theres no "getting out of this" and he'll start to do the Work but until then its very frustrating to see that tactic take him nowhere.)

- one day petra notices how he’s constantly staring at all the ppl wearing cute dresses in beacontown and at first she thinks he's being creepy but then realizes that he's not being creepy and actually she knows exactly how he feels bc she also used to look at ppl wearing clothes super not suited for combat like that, like she wished she could wear them too, like if she just didnt have to keep up this image of the Warrior who is Not Soft Ever-

n ok. listen. these worlds have been specifically engineered to be better and kinder than the one the admins came from, and when people mess up- even REALLY mess up- people are generally not only willing to forgive you but support you as you try and get better. it’s instinctual for communities to respond to misdeeds with rehabilitation and reconciliation, rather than retaliation and renunciation (tho its not an overnight thing and it generally takes 1-3 people to spearhead the process, esp if the actions have affected a large group of people). like. ivor created something that almost destroyed the entire world, not just beacontown, yet by the end of season one he’s grown to be a part of the team- n its not just jesse & co being forgiving here, bc when ivor made his s1 build with 3 lava source blocks people objected to it, but by s2 he not only has lava in his build but a giant lake of it. (im assuming the fences around said lake are coming eventually, bc safety is still important, but the implications im choosing to take from this are a) despite almost ending the world people let him into their lives anyway and b) the community not only grew to accept but encourage his self-expression.)

BUT ANYWAY before i go off on that even more one day petra and romeo basically put on an impromptu fashion show in jesse’s house (bc their house is huge and, kind of perfect for a fashion show, and also right next to the order hall’s armory whence they stole a bunch of fancy swords to match the outfits) n theyre having a blast until the hero in residence , returns to their residence (and with COMPANY) n romeo is absolutely Mortified- caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost human nature, oh my god, this will NOT do- n this whole grand soliluquy of shame and excuses and apologies grabs the steering wheel of his tongue but he cant even spit a single syllable out bc jesse and lukas almost immediately dip leaving romeo panicking for a second before they come back with their inventories FULL of cute outfits, including a billion skirts and dresses, some of them are even enchanted so theyre like. super shiny or constantly flowing or things like that.

this actually ends up spiralling into a town-wide... not quite fashion show bc there's no runway or anything, everyone just shows up in their cutest/coolest outfits .. fashion convention?? Anyway several people come up to him and compliment him on his outfit casually before continuing along, not recognizing him not only bc of how hes done his hair and makeup n what hes wearing but he just seems... so happy (he might be wearing something on his head? like a headpiece or hat or something? but also maybe not hmm)- whoever this is, he's not hunched over like he's got several centuries' worth of sins crawling on his back he’s not trying to shrink and make small a human-shaped apology for the simple fact of his existence not dragging his feet like hes ready for, dreading, a hundred mile trek through the desert repenting hes just. hes literally just Vibing

anyway he's mostly been silent or just providing very quiet "thank you"s but when it turns out that some people showed up ready to play music and there's a song that he knows he literally cant help but start jamming out its the GOod Stim everyones a-dancing and a-jiving and some people start to sing and so of course he does too (the healing power of dancing and singing in cute outfits.... unfathomable) but. ppl recognize his voice

and after a few seconds he notices how quiet it's gotten all of a sudden n everyones looking at him like "oh shit thats the admin" and honestly his heart breaks. visibly

but

then someone starts singing, so quiet it takes a moment for him to hear over the sound of an encroaching panic attack (oh god he has airpods in), but when he looks over theyre smiling - theyre smiling at hiM???? AND IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK MEAN??- and doing this very simple step, that he catches onto just as easily as he matches their singing (its a fairly common little tune n dance)

theyre like standing like a good few meters away but as they take turns with lines in the song they slowly inch closer

and he thinks hes starting to recognize the dance that the steps theyre doing is from but at the part in the song thats coming up ur supposed to allemande left and even tho theyre like, less than a meter away now literally no one has really wanted to get close to him, let alone actually touch him, so hes totally expecting them to be like 'psych' and humiliate him in front of the entire crowd-

BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY GO FOR IT???

he completes the step without even thinking about it n continues onto the next in this state of dull bewilderment where there is but one braincell active in his head and it is just going, in a very tiny voice, "danser?"

- when they linked arms the person briefly seemed surprised that he didn't like, chew their arm off or anything (he had. kind of snapped at people a few times during the past few weeks), but then their shock turned into a wide smile and they sort of- nodded? at someone over his shoulder like 'come and join us, it doesn't look like he's going to kill me after all you guys can put the eulogy writing on hold'

what rly makes his heart do the confused and hopeful conga is that this isnt even anyone romeo knows, its a total stranger. or- like- he saw them while he was pretending to be jesse he just didnt care to get to know them beyond ‘name and gimmick’- its not even someone who has any reason to think he'd be cool to befriend its literally jsut someone taking a chance on him (tkae a chance take a chance take a chance take a cha)

afterwards hes like "i should thank jesse for putting you up to that, it was fun" and theyre like "what? jesse didn't "put me up to" anything, dude, you just looked super choked. * something something surfer lingo who would i be if i just left someone to feel bad when they could be having fun dancing you know?*"

he H

#ng+#msg #i said this was super self-indulgent and i was not lying #i call ng+ my mcsm project and thats literal

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checkerpiececat · 5 years

Text

Spicy Bis Headcanon(s)

It all starts after Jeremy is discharged from the hospital.

Jeremy decides to visit the hospital every few days to see Rich. He starts seeing him because he feels bad that Rich has to stay in his room alone once Jer is gone. At first, everything is a little awkward.

Jeremy doesn’t know how to act around the “real Richard Goranski”, and it’s hard adjusting to Rich’s new, genuine personality. Jeremy’s almost off-put by Rich’s kindness, but eventually he starts to understand and actually really starts to enjoy seeing Rich.

Before Jeremy was discharged from the hospital, Rich went on an hour long rant about how he was so sick of hospital food, and after hanging out for a while, Jeremy then made it his mission to come back with fast food at least once a week.

Rich would never admit it, but the first time Jeremy showed up with food, he just about sobbed with joy.

After a few visits, Michael starts tagging along as well. At first, he feels really awkward and still doesn’t know how to talk to Rich. Both because of Rich’s previous behavior because of his squip, but also because Michael doesn’t know where they stand personally. Obviously they spoke a few words here and there when Michael had been visiting Jeremy, but they never had any substantial conversations together.

Michael and Rich have an easy reconciliation by bonding over 90’s music, and drag out a joke about Smash Mouth for almost too long.

Eventually, Michael gets used to being around Rich, and all three of them end up having some really good times together.

Once Rich is healed and they’re both in school, Rich is actually the first one to approach Jeremy.

Jeremy, who had been getting used to school life again, has a moment where he convinces himself that Rich wouldn’t actually want to hang out with him.

Jeremy starts avoiding Rich for a few days, thinking that maybe Rich wouldn’t want to see him. He rationalizes this idea by saying: “The hospital was different. Rich wouldn’t want to be seen at school with a loser like me.”

Rich has to be the one to step forward. He approaches with a wide smile, and opens up with some dumb line like: “Hey tall asth, where’ve you been?”

Jeremy is nervous, but after a few minutes of easy conversation, he lightens up.

They both laugh and talk the same way they did at the hospital, and Jeremy gets the courage to ask Rich where they stand in their friendship.

Rich reassures him that he enjoys Jeremy’s company, and they end up making plans to hang out.

Being back at school causes Rich to confront the fact that a lot of kids are still spreading rumors about him, and some start to judge him for his scars.

Rich reacquaints himself with his friends as his new un-squipped self. They easily accept him, after all, he’s still the same short, meme-worthy guy they’ve always known.

Unfortunately, some of Rich’s friends, such as Jake, make jokes at Rich’s expense, trying to lighten the mood. They aren’t meant to be hurtful, but with everything going on, it sends Rich over the edge and he ends up needing to leave class to calm down.

Rich decides to hide out in the bathroom.

He comes close to crying before Jeremy shows up and finds him there. Rich ends up confiding in Jeremy as Jeremy calms him down. Rich talks about the fire and what lead him to do it, his scars, and even his lisp.

Jeremy tells Rich that he’s fine the way he is, lisp and all, and that his scars look, quote, “badass”.

They end up hugging it out.

Jeremy is a big factor in Rich being able to adjust and cope with being back at school, and dealing with his self-confidence.

After dealing with his feelings, Rich confronts Jake and the others about how he feels, and after a rough conversation and several shared apologies, they reconcile. Rich and Jake both mutually apologize for not realizing how bad everything had affected the other, and quickly fall back into old habits and good humor.

Rich goes back to Jeremy and thanks him for everything. Jeremy and Rich start spending more time together. They start hanging out before school, walking to classes together, finding excuses to say hi to each other in the halls...

It’s Jeremy who realizes his feelings first.

Jeremy, being shy and having anxiety, starts finding it harder to talk to Rich without stuttering.

Rich eventually realizes what’s troubling Jeremey, and end ups realizing his own feelings as well. Jake is the first person he tells about it.

After a moment of stunned, but supportive conversation, Jake encourages him to go for it. Rich ends up asking Michael what he should do to impress Jeremy.

Michael is skeptical at first, convinced that it’s some sort of weird, elaborate prank. His doubts are immediately erased after he asks Rich why he would want to ask Jeremy out, and Rich has literal heart-eyes when he says Jeremy’s name.

Michael ends up agreeing to help out.

Rich takes a notebook full of notes.

Rich is bold, yet slightly awkward when he asks Jeremy on a date. “So uh, hey. I’ve been thinking. Ya knowww, since I’m like, totally Bi and all, and we’ve been spending a lot of time together or whatever, I was thinking, pshh, I don’t know, would you... uh,”

- both speaking at the same time -

“Are you asking me on a date?/Would you wanna go on a date”?

Jeremy takes a second to freak out because “omg is Rich Goranski actually asking me on a date?”

Jeremy manages stutter out an ecstatic yes.

They end up going to a retro arcade due to Michael’s promise that Jeremy would love it. He did. Rich, to his surprise, also had a really good time playing games.

During their date, Rich is very non-verbally affectionate. Rich just finds reasons to touch Jeremy’s arms, or lean against his side, or press their knees together... anything to show that he’s interested and comfortable.

Rich also does everything he can to try and win Jeremy a prize, but he’s not as good at the machines as Jer. Jeremy is actually the one who ends up winning Rich a prize. Rich cherishes his weird arcade alien plushie forever.

After having such a good time, and both having gone home to their own houses, they both freak out over their relationship, trying to figure out if they’re official or not.

It’s soon, but they’re both eager and giddy.

That night, Jeremy is practicing what he would say to Rich in his mirror, and Rich is pacing his room. Jeremy ends up deciding to frantically call Rich before he loses his nerve. Saying something like: “So like- I don’t know what this is but like I had a good time and I just um, was thinking that maybeweshouldlikeactuallydate. ...like officially.”

After a few weeks, they decide to announce themselves as official.

Rich is very excited and vocal about their relationship. When they first decide to announce that they’re official, Rich can’t help himself from going overboard and goes throughout the day finding excuses to mention “his boyfriend Jeremy”. He’s also not shy about PDA and finds himself smacking Jeremy’s ass when he sees him.

Once Jeremy asks Rich to “maybe dial it down” on the PDA, Rich listens, but still can’t help but to make excuses to talk about Jeremy to all of his friends.

After about a week to adjust, Rich calms down and doesn’t bring Jeremy up as much. But if he ever needs to tell a story that involves Jeremy he makes sure to STRESS “his BOYFRIEND Jeremy said this or did that”

Don’t take it the wrong way either. Jeremy ISNT shy about their relationship. He just has no idea how the hell to bring it up or really explain that they’re together. Jeremy takes the same week as Rich to just figure out what he’s doing.

Jeremy somehow finds the most awkward ways to say that he’s with Rich, and even tries practicing a few lines on Michael. One day while he’s practicing in his head, he blurts out a line in the middle of a conversation:

“I like Rich and Rich likes me, I like my friends and my friends like me.”

Michael: “Jeremy, what the fuck.”

Despite being very touchy, it actually takes them a while to have their first kiss.

It happens when they’re spending time at Jeremy’s house.

They had just gone out on a chill movie date, and had gone to Jeremy’s to unwind. Jeremy convinces Rich to start playing video games and it ends up getting pretty competitive. Rich ends up quitting the game.

Jeremy’s amused, but that only makes Rich more frustrated. Jeremy stands and suggests they play something different or find something else to do, but Rich isn’t having it.

“No no no, not happening. We’re gonna do this. You’re justh afraid I’ll win!”

Rich stands up and paces around Jeremy’s room, hyping himself up. Jeremy leans against his bedroom wall, giving Rich space as he continues talking.

“I’m gonna totally beat you at thisth, you have no idea whatsth comin”

Jeremy looks down at Rich. “W-wow, you may be short, but you’re intimidating when you’re motivated”

“I’m not short, you’re just tall. Tall assth” Rich walks to Jeremy and looks up at him.

Jeremy leans down slightly, “You’re also kind of cute when you’re all worked up”

“I- uh..” Rich falters, his face flushed.

“Oh uh... sorry, did I go too fa-“ Jeremy is cut off as Rich curls a hand in Jer’s shirt, pulling him down to kiss him.

“W-woah...”

“Yeah. that’sth what you get for calling me cute, tall assth.”

“Was that supposed to be a threat?”

“J-justh shut up and play the stupid game”

The next few weeks after that, they were in danger of never separating each time they kissed.

Weeks pass, and Jeremy and Rich get much more comfortable with each other. Butterflies start fading, and they start to get more serious.

Both Rich and Jer develop a much deeper emotional and physical understanding of each other. They both become much more comfortable with quiet touch. They often spend afternoons just cuddling in bed, sometimes not saying a word.

They’re also much more capable of helping the other with their emotions, especially regarding their trauma with their SQUIPS.

Jeremy can’t fathom the idea having a SQUIP as long as Rich did, and his heart sometimes breaks thinking of how hard it must’ve been on Rich.

The boys often talk a lot about what they went through, and help each other cope.

Like Mtn Dew. Jeremy doesn’t touch the stuff, but Rich chugs Mtn Dew Red. He also has frequent obsessive periods where it’s all he can drink. Jeremy always ends up getting too worried and has to talk Rich through it. It most normally leads with crying from Rich, which causes crying from Jeremy, and ends with cuddling and soothing hair pets from Jeremy as well.

There will be times where Jeremy will trace the scars on Rich’s body with feather-light touches and small kisses. Jeremy does it to reassure Rich that his scars really are perfect. There are times where Jeremy will simply get lost in conversation because he’s focusing on how much he loves Rich’s lisp.

Rich feigns being annoyed at him, and sometimes get embarrassed, but he always feels appreciated thanks to Jer.

Rich also returns the gesture by reminding Jeremy of how funny he is, and how smart, and perfect, and important he is. Rich is always reassuring Jeremy that his stutter is okay and reminding him that his anxiety will never be able to stop someone as amazing as him. Jeremy learns how to have just little bit more confidence each day, and always knows where he can go on his rough days.

#bmc #bmc musical #be more chill #jeremy heere #rich goranski #richard goranski #michael mell #jeremy/rich #bmc headcanons #spicy bis #guy love #lmao #idk how to tag things #they’re both disaster bis #long post #tried to put read more and it didnt work #sorry in advance

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video-killed-the-radio-host · 6 years

Text

Heartbeats on the Airwaves chapter 5

As always, for @acealex-blueiguana

Cecil had to stay in the hospital for a week and a half, to make sure the wound healed properly and wasn’t infected. He slept a lot because the exhaustion of his job is finally catching up with his over worked body. Carlos spends a good chunk of his free time in Cecil’s room, making small talk, cuddling and exchanging small kisses.

They shared dinner most nights, unless Carlos got called away. Carlos managed to sneak away and picked up Chinese. Now, Carlos sat cross legged and barefoot at the foot of Cecil’s bed, listening to Cecil go on about how much he hates his brother-in-law. Carlos smiles a little. This man was an absolute dork, but Carlos was completely smitten. He sets his chopsticks down in the container and then sets it aside, pulling Cecil’s feet into his lap, rubbing small counter-clockwise circles around the ankles. Which were quite boney.

“What are we going to do for our first date?” He asked randomly.

Cecil gives noise that was basically a purr and opens his eyes.

“Nothing to fancy. Because a good time isn’t based on how much money you spend.”

“I could cook for you.” Carlos suggests. “Since your birthday is next week.”

“How did you-oh god. Right there!” Cecil groans as Carlos presses his thumb into the arc of Cecil’s foot.

Carlos chuckles. “I read your chart. I also know you have a wheat allergy. And that your middle name is Gershwin.”

“Now hold on- “Cecil keens again, arching his back a little as Carlos begins to rub the lower part of Cecil’s left leg before switching to the right.

“Hm?”

“You know so much about me and I hardly know anything about you.”

“Well, my middle name is Fernando, my birthday May 20th and I’m allergic to cats. Which I assume you have because the first time we met you ran into me and then I was sneezing like crazy all day.”

Carlos smiles at the memory but Cecil’s face fell.

“Oh.”

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. I take Claritin. Because I can handle it and I would hate to stop seeing you, as we are now dating and all.”

“You’ll have to meet him sometime.”

“What if he hates me?”

“Then it’s not going to work out. I can’t date anyone my cat doesn’t trust.”

Carlos nods. “I can respect that. I hope I’ll make a good impression.”

“I’m sure he’ll love you as much as I do.” Cecil muses before his eyes go wide and one hand clapped over his mouth. “Shit. Sorry. I know it’s still way early and- “He kind of shrinks back a little.

Carlos reaches out, a tad concerned. “Cecil? Are you okay?” He asked softly.

Cecil nods quickly. “I’m alright. Just lost control of my mouth for a moment is all.”

Carlos reaches out and takes his hand, giving a careful and gentle squeeze.

“You meant it?”

Cecil looks up at him. “I do.”

“That’s good. Because I love you too.”

Cecil's mouth dropped open and he was stunned silent. Carlos chuckles again and shifts to his knees, leaning up to kiss Cecil’s lips. Cecil was speechless. Cecil “I talk for a living, so I don’t do shut up” Palmer was silent. It was a bit jarring.

“You’re adorable.” Carlos grins before sitting back down.

“You broke me.”

“I do apologize. But I am a doctor so I’m sure I can fix what I broke.”

“I do believe I’m entitled to compensation.” Cecil gives a small smile.

Carlos raises an eyebrow. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

Before Cecil could answer, Carlos kissed him once more and then kisses his forehead. “Are you wanting to do that interview?”

“I had completely forgotten about it.” Cecil admits. “But sure. Not like I have anything better to do at the moment.”

Carlos opens his mouth to retort but Cecil gives him a look and he shuts his mouth with a laugh.

“You need to behave Dr. Mendez.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about Mr. Palmer.”

“Mhm. Hand me my bag please?”

Carlos gets up and picks up the satchel that Dana had dropped off earlier. Its bag was covered in pins and patches ranging from pride to Star Trek. It was very Cecil. He hands it over and watches as Cecil opens it and digs through files and papers before pulling out a recorder.

“Here we are.” Cecil holds up the silver recorder triumphally.

“Anything else?” Carlos asked as he settles back down at the foot of the bed.

“Nope. Let’s begin.”

Cecil slipped into a professional personality easily, despite being in a hospital gown and hooked to multiple machines.

“I’m here with Mercy Eastern’s Chief of Surgery, Dr. Carlos Mendez. I’ve been told you have big news for the viewers?”

“I do.” Carlos smiles, seeming a bit nervous for some reason.

Cecil reaches over and takes his hand, giving a gentle squeeze.

“What is your news?”

“Originally the Crystal Storm Foundation was for teenage and single mothers to get help so they can get back on their feet, but as of February 13th, this Wednesday, we will be extending our reach to women who cannot conceive and working with surrogates to provide them with the family they cannot produce themselves. We believe everyone deserves a chance to be a family.” The words seemed to be pouring out now.

Cecil couldn’t help the smile that spreads across his lips. He loved how passionate Carlos seemed when talking about helping others. His eyes light up and hold a love for people.

“We also will be helping children in the system to find forever homes. Everyone should have someone to love them.”

Cecil nods a little, his eyes starting to sting a little. Carlos stopped talking and reaches out for his hand.

“Cecil? Is something wrong?”

“No. No. Nothing is wrong. It’s just…. you are so amazing. I’m so lucky to have met you. I- “He pauses, reaching over to turn off the recorder before continuing. “Carlos, words usually come easily to me. That’s why I do what I do.” He pauses and looks away, only to have Carlos reach over and take his hand.

“But?”

Cecil looks back over. “But you make me speechless. I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know why. I’ve dated before. But this is different. You are different.”

Carlos gazes at him for a moment. “I’m…. I’m amazing because you make me want to be amazing. You have this way of making people want to be better. You inspire me with your raw passion and loyalty to your work.”

Cecil was openly crying now, and Carlos panicked.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m sorry!”

Cecil gives a watery laugh. “You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“What about me?”

Cecil tugs on his hand. “Hold me. I’m tired.”

“Yes sir.” Carlos smiles a little and cleans off the bed before getting up.

-----.-----

The next week went by in a blur and before Carlos knew it, it was Cecil’s birthday. He wasn’t sure what to get as a gift but suddenly, he just knew. He ran out and bought the supplies before hurrying home and getting to work.

The day passed by fairly quickly and soon it was six o’clock. He slides the lasagna into the oven and moved to answer the door. Cecil stands on the other side, wearing what he wore on the news that night, with his hair pulled back into an elegant braid. His glasses slipped down his narrow nose a little and Carlos smiles fondly.

“Hey beautiful. Happy Birthday.” Carlos steps back after pressing a chaste kiss to Cecil’s lips. Cecil follows him to the kitchen.

“I wasn’t sure if you drank red or white, so I brought both.” Cecil says as he sits down the paper bag he was carrying.

“I’m not to picky. Which do you prefer?”

“My favorite is Arbor Mist, the raspberry one but where I went didn’t have any, so I got Pinot Grigio and Rosé.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’m sure we can make do.” Carlos leans against the counter with an easy smile.

“I have been told I’m pretty easy to satisfy.” Cecil comments.

Carlos raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Cecil’s eyes go wide, and his face, ears and neck flush a bright red as he struggles to answer. Carlos laughs.

“Yknow, you made that exact same face when we first met.”

“Please don’t bring that up. I have to deal with both Dana and Earl teasing me about it.” Cecil wines a little and buries his face in his hands.

Carlos crosses the kitchen pulls him close. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. You have a cute blush.”

“You are annoying. You know that?” Cecil says, his voice muffled where he tucked his head into the crook of Carlos’ neck.

“You love it.”

“Yeah.” Cecil presses a kiss to Carlos’ neck. “I do.”

Before Carlos could answer, his pager went off in the living room. He tightens his hold on Cecil with a groan. He wasn’t on call tonight!

“Do you need to go?” Cecil asked, pulling away a little.

“I can have someone else get it.”

“What if they need you?”

Carlos rubs a hand over his face. He knew Cecil was right, but he didn’t want to leave. Cecil takes his hand.

“Hey. It’s okay. Go.”

“But- “

“I’m used to spending my birthday alone. We can reschedule.”

The words made Carlos’ heart hurt.

“You have lives to save.”

Carlos nods. “I know.” He kisses the center of Cecil’s palm. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Be safe.”

“I will.” Carlos promises, turning the oven off and taking the pan out. “You can eat if you want. It’s wheat free.” He says, kissing him once more before moving into the bedroom to put his shoes on.

Carlos finally gets home around eleven to find Cecil asleep on the couch with Stark Trek: The Next Generation playing quietly in the background. Half a glass of Rosé sits on the coffee table but both the lasagna and the cake are untouched. Cecil’s purple glasses sat crooked on his face and his clothes were rumpled enough for Carlos to assume that he’d been asleep for at least an hour. Carlos quietly sits down the bottle of Arbor Mist-raspberry of course- on the coffee table and kneels down beside the couch. He had to go to three different stores to find it, but he didn’t mind. He brushes back Cecil’s bangs and kisses his forehead. Cecil stirs a little before snapping awake and jerking upright.

“No!” He gasped, making Carlos fall back.

“Cecil?” He asked.

Cecil looked around before his eyes landed on Carlos and him visibly relaxed. “Oh. Carlos. You’re back.” He smiles.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just a bad dream is all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight.” Cecil shudders. “What time is it?”

“Eleven ten.” Carlos picks himself up off of the floor. “I know it hasn’t been the best birthday, but we still have fifty minutes we can salvage.”

“Sorry I fell asleep. I wanted to wait up for you.”

“I don’t mind. It was a cute sight to come home to. I got you something.” Carlos says, handing over the bottle.

“Where did you find this?!? Everyone is sold out!”

“I just got lucky I guess.”

The truth was that he drove two towns over to find it, but Cecil didn’t need to know that.

“Thank you.”

“There’s one more thing.”

“Oh?”

“Wait here.” Carlos instructs, going to his room and getting the box and returning to the couch.

Cecil takes it with a curious expression and opens the box. Nestled in silver tissue paper is the vest that Carlos had ripped when Cecil had gotten shot. It was cleaned and repaired, with a red flannel heart sewn onto the left side, over his heart.

“One of the holes was to big to fix so I improvised with one of my own shirts.” Carlos admits, rubbing the back of his head.

Cecil looks at him, a gentle expression on his face. “I love it.”

Carlos kissed him once. “Happy Birthday Dearheart.”

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

CECIL’S CAKE RECIPE!!!

Okay so I’m from the south and the best damn cake ever is called a hummingbird cake. It’s been in my family for literally forever. And now y’all have the recipe.

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3 large eggs, beaten

11/2 cups vegetable oil

vanilla extract(as much as you feel is right)

1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained

2 cups chopped bananas

1 cup chopped pecans

Shortening

Cream cheese frosting

1/2 cup chopped pecans

How to Make It

Step 1

Preheat oven to 350°. Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients in a large bowl; add eggs and oil, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in vanilla, pineapple, bananas, and 1 cup chopped toasted pecans. Spoon batter into 3 well-greased (with shortening) and floured 9-inch round cake pans.

Step 2

Bake at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes our clean. Cool cake layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely (about 1 hour).

Step 3

Place 1 cake layer on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup Cream Cheese Frosting over cake layer. Top with second layer, and spread 1 cup frosting over cake layer. Top with third cake layer, and spread top and sides of cake with remaining frosting and pecans.

I also like to mix coconut into the frosting

frosting is optional and the pineapple can be substituted with cherries

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #cecil palmer #wtnv carlos #wtnv cecil #carlos the scientist #cecilos #fanfiction #and cecilos content #au #fic wip #wip #hbotaw #fluff #bridge chapter

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crazy-hand-official · 6 years

Text

on hole

ok so this posts been a long time a comin’ but i finally feel like im drunk enough to talk about (and never shut the fuck up about) one of my favorite bands... Hole

hole’s music has meant a lot to me since i picked up Live Through This at some boring ass used cd store that also happened to sell erotic fantasy novels about good fathers. but anyway. holes music is for women with bad fathers. women who are kind of fucked up and angry about it, too. women who have trauma and scars and are kinda gross. women who were wronged but somehow by the grace of god empowered in the face of their horrible experiences.

or at least it feels like that, dont it?

that was the main appeal of hole to me, anyway. i fell in love with this album around the second or third listen through. i was like, damn, shes pissed. it was so refreshing to hear a woman just screaming out her frustrations. how cathartic must it have been to be able to not only get it out, but also be taken somewhat seriously? of course hole never got the recognition they deserved. im of the unpopular opinion that they were waayyyy better than nirvana. without sounding kinda sappy... you know what fuck it im not apologizing to any of u. hole totally made me embrace womanhood. it influenced my own, much beloved way to just exist.

but also i guess i just really love tunes.

ps im not here for the courtney killed kurt debate lmfao!!

ok so heres the part where i write my onions about their four studio albums

Pretty On the Inside

their first album and admittedly, my least favorite (that doesnt say much because i still really enjoy it). its sound is much more abrasive. love employs her most guttural screams in this one, but ill get to that. to its credit, its the most experimental but many interpret it as amateur guitar screeches and song bits just hashed together. and maybe theyre right! but what band doesnt have that not-quite-there-yet first album? its an unrefined, beautiful mess. A song title or two is spelled wrong. Garbadge man is one that comes to mind. and for some reason, its just... fitting. its an artistic mistake left in and its so dumb but thats the fun in it! thats the punk in it! they dont give a fuck so why should you? this album is a messy bitch.

track im gonna nut about: mrs. jones

this song is apparently about a back alley abortion, and its just as brutal. love is screaming, just guttural sounds and expletives and nauseating lyrics. when i first heard it, i was absolutely entranced in the atrocity of it all. shes sweating, panting. i will follow you down the sick drain

other favorite tracks: teenage whore, good sister bad sister, pretty on the inside

Live Through This

their most popular album also happens to be my favorite! the start of it all...

i havent shut up about this album since day one because i just like it so much! she refines her skills and just comes out with a successful album that ties an array of horrible themes and wraps them up in a pretty pink bow. its soft aesthetic covers the dark, sickening themes that make the album. rape, anorexia, self harm, self hatred, violence, abuse... the list goes on. someone i one knew asked me why women with bipolar disorder and bpd love hole so much and i had to bite my tongue but to be brutally honest we probably like it because love had the nuts to scream about taboo themes that are so hurtfully common in our lives. just like how the depressed rally behind the smiths. oh that and the musics awesome. but anyway, the cover is a beauty queen the moment shes crowned. its supposed to represent someone who has fought, clawed, and fucked her way to the top. but look! shes the queen! shes the beauty queen! everyone will finally love her and treat her with respect! and all she had to do was sell her soul. all she had to do was get abused over and over to the point of breakdown. but she made it, didnt she? i mean, look how pretty the crown is!

favorite track im not gonna shut up about: i think i would die

im gonna be super lazy and just copy and paste what i wrote up one time when i talked about this song before:

wait nevermind i cant search for my post through my tag because tumblr is broken. something about breastmilk? ill update once i find it lmao.

other favorite tracks: violet, softer softest, miss world

Celebrity Skin

i dont have as many onions on this one. supposedly, love didnt want this album to become ‘the widow album’, but theres a song or two about kurt’s death snuck in there. this albums loud, but not nearly as angry as the first two. in fact, when shes not singing catchy pop tunes about how jaded she is, shes being sincere and heartfelt. all in all, its a fantastic album and my second favorite that hole has to offer.

favorite track of the album: heaven tonight

ive heard two stories about what this songs supposedly about. on one hand, people say its about two lovers. the girl wants to lose her virginity to the guy, so she drives (recklessly) to his house and dies in an accident. she’ll never grow old, she’ll go to heaven tonight. on the other hand, i heard that love just wanted a fun song to sing to her daughter, frances bean. either way, it makes me want to dance. so idk if its about teenagers fucking or about a little girl who just needed a song, but its cool.

other favorite tracks: awful, celebrity skin, reasons to be beautiful

Nobody’s Daughter

years later, hole released their final album. when i first heard it, i was disappointed. the first track was great, but then.... i noticed her voice had deteriorated significantly due to her smoking and other vocal abuse. and i thought, damn, i really wish she released this when she was younger. she sounds normal when she screams, but i guess to compensate when singing softer parts, she does this kind of weird weird thing when enunciating that... ok i cant pinpoint or describe what exactly it is but it kinda sucks. ‘honey’ is the only hole song that i dont like very much, and its the best song to use as an example when trying to explain how her voice got all fucked. now, we cant all be bowie (whose singing voice only got better after years of smoking). but still.

anyways, i listened to the album again, and i mean really listened to it. and actually! the smoker voice is the beauty of it! its a woman who is past jaded and past giving fucks about anyone or anything. its songs from a woman of experience. and she still sounds badass! her voice is so rough, she sounds like she could still fuck anyone up. its exciting.

favorite track to get all sappy about: letter to god

i really found an appreciation for this song. this is a song about someone who cant be saved. and isnt that fucked up? youre so bad, so hated by all of those around you, but no one can hate you as much as yourself. and you try everything to pick yourself up but just nothing works. and everyone has their two cents in what they think will help you. but youve tried every med in the book and youve tried this and that and the other thing, and you come to the conclusion that you just cant be saved. youre drowning. so what do you do? you turn to god, a supernatural all-mighty being. but shit, i hope he can help you. because if he doesnt, fucking nothing ever will. so go write him that letter.

i never wanted to be the person you see

other favorite tracks: nobodys daughter, skinny little bitch

and thats what i have to say about that!

#hole #courtney love #long post #goddamn this took forever to write lol i just had a lot to say #and still have more but ill shut up... for now.#im not actually drunk but i wrote this post last night at like 1 am #well i was drunk but not christmas morning damn

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trashhuman666 · 5 years

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Steve Rogers x Reader Part 2

Request/Summary: This is a second part. The link isnt working, but the title is just Steve Rogers x reader and it uses the same gif

Warnings: Light swearing (I think once)

A/n: Thanks to @flowersinmyachinglungs @theonelittleone @halfpasttheworst @njayfbi and @sparklydeanclampalace for requesting a part 2. Thanks to @endgameendsme for the original request!

Genre: (Sort of) angst, then fluff

The next few days were damn near impossible.

You worked a minimum-wage job at your local coffee shop. Unfortunately, it wasn't your moms local coffee shop, which meant a 30 minute commute to work each morning. Which meant you were burning more gas, and to be frank, you didn't have enough money to burn more gas.

One of your best friends had a massive crush on Steve, which meant that after your 30 minute commute to work, you had to deal with "Captain America this! Captain America that!"

On top of all of that, since that night, you hadn't heard a word from Steve. He had begged you to come back, apologized, all on the night of the big fight. Then he stopped texting. Which, I guess you couldn't be upset at him for, considering you hadn't sent him a single text, either.

"(Y/n). (Y/n)! Are you listening to me?"

You snapped out of your daze, and turned to your friend, smiling, sheepishly. "I'm sorry?"

She just rolled her eyes and shoved you, playfully. "Next customers yours, just because you weren't listening to me."

"Actually," You retorted, "The next customer's mine because my shift just started."

You went to the front of the line and smiled at the customer who was there. A man with long brown hair, sad looking eyes, and a tired smile.

"Good morning, how can I help you?" You asked, with a rather forced smile.

"Uh, I'll get a black medium coffee."

"Great! Could I get a name for the order?"

The man shuffled his feet nervously. "Bucky." He said.

That name... Sounded familiar, but you couldn't quite place it.

You wrote the name on the cup, forced your smile back on and said, "Great, we'll let you know when it's ready!"

You were just about to move on when Bucky spoke up again. "Are you... Are you (Y/n)?"

You turned to face Bucky, no longer smiling, just sort of shocked. You didn't have a nametag, so you had no idea how this guy knew your name.

"That is me." You said, a bit nervous, hoping that he wasn't a New-York attacking alien or something.

"Steve asked me to give you this." He murmured, awkwardly holding out an envelope.

The name. That's where you recognized the name. Steve used to talk about Bucky.

You took the envelope and stared at Steve's handwriting.

(Y/n)

You tucked it into your pocket, and muttered a "Thank you" before moving on to the next customer.

You didn't bother reading the letter until you got home - or, I guess, until you got to your mom's home.

You were sitting on your childhood bed, staring at the letter, before, with shaking hands, you opened it. You hoped it wasn't some "Never Talk To Me Again" note. You hoped it was a "I'll Be At This Location At This Time, Let's Work Through This Problem" note

Dear (Y/n)

I'm sure you've pieced together who's writing this note. Truth is, I don't entirely know what I'm going to say in this note. Here's what I do know:

Your mom's house is thirty minutes from your work

You've still been paying your half rent for our house (Not that it's been more than a month)

And you've likely been paying some form of taxes to stay with your mom

I'm just going to say it, I want you to move back into our apartment. It's closer to your work, it's cheaper, etc. etc.

I'll be moving in with Stark for a while. Of course, I'll still pay my half of the rent.

And (Y/n), that thing I said... It's not true. People do care about you.

Love,

Steve

You should probably sit back and be content with that. Steve is stubborn and you're probably not going to get a better apology.

But here's the thing; You wanted a better apology.

You whipped out your phone and scrolled down to Steve in your contacts, then pressed 'Text.'

That thing, Steve? That thing? You said you don't care about me. You said no one does! You don't get to just call it 'That thing', because 'That thing' was a pretty big thing! You don't get to let yourself have any sort of excuse to say it, you don't get to adjust your words to feel less shitty, you don't get to justify it, and I'm going to need a damn better apology than "It's not true"

You set your phone down and tried not to cry. It was less than a minute when your phone beeped again, with a message from Steve.

I see you got my note.

That just pissed you off more.

Was it that hard to ask for? An apology?

You felt tears forming inside of you, alongside another thought. You're being ridiculous. You're overreacting. Maybe what he said was true.

You tried taking deep breaths. In through your nose sort of thing. But when that didn't work, you just let yourself cry. You laid down on your bed, and you cried and cried and prayed that no one heard you.

And in the midst of your crying, you fell asleep.

The next morning, you checked your phone, hoping Steve bothered with an actual apology. Nope.

I'm out of the house. If you head there now, you won't see me.

At least there was that. You had been feeling very homesick.

It was Saturday, so there was also no work. There's your next bonus of the day.

By the time you had gotten your shit together, told your mom what was happening and actually got to the apartment, it was about 1:00 PM.

But it was nice to be home.

Steve had left the place in prime condition.

He had taken almost everything from his closet, except for one sweater, which you used to tease him relentlessly about. He used it as a disguise, to go out in public. But it didn't work, even a little bit.

A sad smile fell over your face, before you closed the closet.

The whole apartment smelled like him, and you felt another bout of crying coming on.

Determined not to cry again, you took a shower, instead.

Once clean, and smelling more like home than like your mom, you proceeded to curl up on Steve's side of the bed, breathing in his smell, pretending he was just out on a mission, not out avoiding you after your fight.

And that's how you spent your Saturday. And your Sunday. And pretty much all your free time the next week.

So, it wasn't surprising when you came home Friday to discover no remnants of his scent left. Instead, you buried yourself in his sweater.

And that's how you spent your Friday.

And that's how you intended to spend your Saturday.

It was 8:30 AM, you were up early, Steve's sweater on, reading a book, when there was a knock on the door.

You sighed, set the book down, and moved towards it, opening the door, full on expecting it to be some girl scout, or Mr. Peterson complaining about the noise or something.

Instead it was Steve.

It was Steve in a dress shirt, and dress pants, looking quite uncomfortable, with a black eye, holding a bouquet of flowers.

You guys stared at each other in silence for a few moments.

"Some guy was robbing some girl. Uh... the eye hurts, but it's the only blow he landed, and Doctor Strange said it should heal."

It took you a moment to realize what he did.

He told you he was okay.

He genuinely told you he was okay.

And not some brushaway comment to make you leave him alone.

He genuinely told you he was okay.

"Flowers?" You whispered, trying not to smile. Trying to remain stoic.

"It was Tony's idea... To let you know that I feel like- Oh um... I mean... I'm sorry. That I said no one cares about you. That I said I don't. It's not true and it was a horrible thing to say and... I'm sorry."

He was apologizing, too.

Actually apologizing.

Not trying to paint himself a hero, but apologizing.

There was a long pause, before he muttered, "Nice sweater."

"I put it on before I answered the door in hopes you wouldn't recognize me." You said, barely containing your smile, and still trying to be angry.

"Oh, my god." Steve muttered.

He slowly reached out his hand, and when you didn't stop him, he cupped your face, and smiled at you a bit.

"Do you want to come inside?" You finally asked.

He grinned a bit sheepishly. "Sure. I mean, afterall, I need to put these in water for when my partner comes home." He said, before pulling up your hood, and pretending not to recognize you.

"You're a dork." You muttered, stepping back so he could come in.

You closed the door behind him.

He picked out a vase, filled it up with water, set it on the table, and put the flowers in it.

Then, he turned to you.

So, yes. You meant to spend the day crying and wearing your boyfriend's sweater, but instead you spent the morning cuddling with your boyfriend and him forcing you to watch all the T.V. shows he started while living with Stark.

And then you talked about the argument and came to a fair conclusion.

Though, you forgave him, you were going to hold that sentence over his head for as long as he shall live.

Then you spent the afternoon wrapped in his arms.

And that's how you spent Sunday.

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serendipitykpop · 6 years

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it’s always been you - part 18

Pairing: prince! byun baekhyun x reader

Summary: “It’s always been you and only you by my side.”

part 17 / part 19

“Baek, the king and queen requests that you-” You paused and froze as soon as you stepped into his chambers. Nine heads turned to look at you, innocent smiles to play off whatever it was they were doing. You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow, taping your finger against your arm. They nervously laughed and looked at each other, urging for the others to say something. “What are you all doing?”

“Um, nothing,” Baekhyun replied in a small tone, afraid to make you even more mad. It was obvious to see they were up to no good when all of them are on the floor with their limbs entangled. Their eyes darted to their limbs, then back to you. “I know this doesn’t look good, but I swear we were only trying out new relaxing methods.”

You stared at them. “Uh huh.”

“The prince is telling the truth, Y/N! Please believe him!”

You let out a sigh. “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Baekhyun’s face lit up and he nodded while trying to untangle himself from them. When they finally managed to do so, they looked at their prince with relieved smiles.

“I feel great, Y/N! I feel like-like I could fly!” He exclaimed.

“Please don’t actually try that with any of the guards, Baek,” You sternly told him before glancing at the boys behind him. They turned away when they met your eyes, actually having the thought of doing it later with him.

“I don’t know what happened to you that caused this, but I’m not going to complain. You’re back to your old, cheerful self and that’s all that matters to me,” You softly smiled and he giggled. “Anyways, back to what I was saying before. The king and queen requests that you join them in the main room for an important meeting.”

“Important meeting? What me-” Baekhyun trailed off as he realized what you meant. “Ah, I see, so it’s time to meet the person.”

“Yes, my prince.”

He sighed and begrudgingly pushed himself off the floor. You tried giving him some support with a smile, but you couldn’t manage that when you too felt down about this meeting.

“Shall we get going?”

“I guess.”

The two of you waved goodbyes to the guards before making your way to the main room. You snuck another glance at him when he purposely slowed down again.

“Baek. No matter what you do, you still have to go.”

“I know,” He grumbled and frowned. You chuckled and gave him a pat on the back.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there too.”

At that, he seemed to brighten up just a little bit. “Thank you.”

“Excuse us,” You both announced your arrival. The doors spread open and you stepped inside. Taking a look around, your breath hitched at the sight. Even though you had seen the person yesterday, it still made you uneasy to be around Bohui. Bohui smiled widely at Baekhyun, but that quickly went away when you were spotted next to him. Bohui greeted him, then turned around and said nothing more. You wanted to roll your eyes at Bohui, but you refrained from doing so.

“Baekhyun, my son.”

“Father.” He bowed and stood back up straight and proper.

“You are aware of why I brought you in here, don’t you?”

Baekhyun glanced at you for reassurance, then back at his father.

“Yes.”

“Good. Then, we can move on. Baekhyun, meet the person you’re to wed, Bohui.”

Baekhyun faced Bohui and they bowed to each other.

“Bohui is the child of one of the lords that manages a very large portion of the land.”

“The biggest I’d say, dear.”

“Yes, it’s indeed impressive.”

“That is quite the compliment for father. I will inform him once I see him again,” Bohui smiled. The change of attitude and tone in Bohui’s voice almost caught you by surprise. You glanced at Baekhyun who didn’t have the slightest interest in their exchange. He looked rather unhappy that he was even witnessing it. Though, he kept from scowling to maintain face.

The king’s chuckle caught everyone’s attention and he apologized for the sudden burst of laughter. He rubbed the back of his neck, quickly noticing the awkward silence between the two soon-to-be weds.

“I shouldn’t have expected you to be friendly with each other as you’ve only just met today. Well, the wedding isn’t for a few months, so you’ll have plenty of time to get to know one another. Please, do get along in the future. You two will be a powerful couple once united just like the queen and I,” He spoke, taking his wife’s hand and giving it a squeeze. She gently smiled at him and chuckled.

“I’d be lucky to be like that with prince Baekhyun. To even be in his presence is a blessing in itself.” Bohui giggled. “We will try our best in getting to know each other, my king.”

The king smiled and nodded. “Very good.” He stood up and left with his wife after the younger ones bowed to them. You were first to leave, then followed Bohui. You saw a sour look on Bohui’s face and you could only guess why. Bohui walked up to you and you raised an eyebrow.

“I will give you one warning and only one warning, peasant, so listen close. I see how you and prince Baekhyun interact with one another other and it makes me sick. You better stay away from him now on. No more of these advances of yours, do you hear me?”

You stared blankly at Bohui, finally seeing the true side of this royalty once more. You were tired of getting this kind of threat that you just brushed it off. “Have a good day, your royal highness.”

You bowed your head, then turned your back to Bohui. You walked away, not even giving the person a chance to retort.

As Bohui let out a frustrated groan at your retreating back, Baekhyun was stepping out from the main room. He glanced upward to meet Bohui’s eyes and Bohui froze. He frowned as he saw Bohui put on a completely different mask just in a matter of seconds. The deep frown directed only at the royalty sent chills down Bohui’s back and caught Bohui off guard since Bohui wasn’t aware this side came out when he was angry. Baekhyun was known as the cheeriest prince out of his brothers after all.

“Prince Baekhyun.” Bohui bowed and sweetly smiled. “It is an honor to be marrying you.”

He raised his hand to prevent Bohui from saying anymore. He looked Bohui in the eyes and stated his opinion of the marriage.

“I appreciate that, but I will not be marrying you.”

“H-Huh? What do you mean? Your father-”

“My father can say all he wants, but I will not be marrying you,” He repeated, even more sternly this time. Bohui gulped.

“I-I can be your second.”

“No. You will not. I will only love and cherish one person and that person will not be you.”

“Is it Y/N then? Is that who is coming between us?”

His silence answered the questions.

“Why must it be that-that servant? Why not me? I don’t understand!”

“That’s right. You could never understand.” He said, then chuckled. He shook his head and walked past her with a smile.

“Wait, prince Baekhyun!”

He glanced at Bohui from over his shoulders, then waved.

“Have a good day, Bohui.”

#prince au #byun baekhyun #baekhyun #baekhyun scenarios #baekhyun imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #exo scenarios #exo #exo imagines

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swayinghummingbirds · 6 years

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i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed.

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse.

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes?

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl.

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too.

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me.

so anyways.

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here.

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it.

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow.

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes.

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams.

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here.

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing.

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too.

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere.

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard.

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything.

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it.

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk.

#v long #nothing to see here #sorry for clogging your dash #idk how to break it

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