#lol tumblr works better than discord.

[krockat]

lol. sooo it seems my followers list is also bugged now,,,, not just my following list..?

yeaaa.... it's staying at the same amount - in the number, visually, on mobile... meanwhile even though i am blocking bot followers - it doesn't go up or down, even when i reload and leave, lol

my following list has been broken for Years. i have hit its prostrate several times and so good and deep it couldn't think no more and could no longer function.

but that's okay. it doesn't need to be able to think. heck, i can't think a lot of the time either!

but it does get a little bit confusing at times, for sure, hmm? and frustrating?

like being unable to follow new people sometimes, but only sometimes, and sometimes totally being able to Without having to do any unfollowing.... it's uh.

it leads to confusion ':D

aahh.. my best era was when i was definetely and also Visually past the following limit. i remember sitting there at 5013 and being smug as a bug who had fugged.

and alive!!! i felt so alive!!

which some bugs don't after they have fucked.

[katy-l-wood]

Let's talk cover art!

Firstly, here is the first official look at the full jacket for my new book!

Camp Daze has had a really wandering path to publication, which I'll talk more about later, but back when I still didn't know what I wanted to do with it exactly, I got this crystal clear image of what I wanted the cover to look like. So I created that cover, just the front cover at the time, as more of a portfolio piece than anything. But even though it was meant to just be a portfolio piece, I loved it so damn much, and it stuck in my head hard. When I did finally decide to self publish the book, I knew I had to use this cover.

Usually, I go through a lot more iterations for my covers when it comes time to finally publish things, but this one has just stuck with me over the years as I tried to bring this novel out into the world. Back in 2023 some of you may remember I tested another cover featuring two of the main characters, and did some tumblr polls to see what people liked most, and the tent cover won by a LANDSLIDE each time. (That other cover, or the art from it anyway, will still be available other ways! Just not as THE cover for the book.)

I think the very stark, simplistic nature of the cover fits the themes of the book really well. It's do or die and all they've got is the resources in their camp--represented by the tent, the resources of the wilderness--represented by the mountains/forest, and the looming/hovering threat of a nuclear war that they don't actually know that much about. When it came time to create the full wraparound version of the cover, I added in a little archery target on the back cover because archery plays a major roll in their survival as well.

Colors wise, everything was built around the green tents. The tents are based off of the ones at my own childhood summer camp, and they play a big roll in how the camp manages to create better shelter for themselves. I think found a purple that worked well with the green because, well, they're in Colorado and "purple mountains majesty" and all that. Then it was just filling in other areas with colors that fit within the scheme. I kept everything a little more muted mostly because I just like more muted color schemes.

For the back cover I picked a few lines from the book that, I think, capture the overall vibe of the book which is "if we try, we MIGHT die, but if we DON'T try then we WILL die, so we may as well try."

And shoutout to @gallusrostromegalus for helping me write a new author bio while I was flailing around in the discord chat having a minor identity crisis, lol. The new bio kicks ass, even in this shortened version.

Something that is very important to me is to make sure cover artists are always credited, so I do have a credit for that under my author bio even though my cover artist is also, ya know, me. Just trying to set precedent so more people will start doing things like that.

So yeah! That's how this cover came together. I think it's one of my favorite covers I've ever done.

You can back the Kickstarter here to get your own special edition copy of this book!

[parkerlyn]

Major PSA: Patreon Changes & Discord Shutdown

Oh, I hate to be predictable lol.

What it comes down to is, I've lost the love in creating this story. (But this is NOT a "I'm not writing anymore of this story" post!)

I've put a lot of pressure on myself to put out bonus content on Patreon, and it and the Discord server hangs over my head - giving me that feeling like since I'm not constantly posting or growing an income around The Nameless, that I'm not doing enough or I'm not legit enough, etc.

I do want to stress that y'all are wonderful, and I'm honored that you've stuck around this long, and there has been absolutely NO pressure from you - it is self-inflicted guilt for sure.

The reality is that my day job workload is much more than it used to be with the new role I took earlier this summer - but it's work that I love. And I'm so thankful and pinching myself that I was able to find that.

In the end, I hope that will mean better things for you and the game - giving me the time and space to draw and write out of joy instead of guilt, getting to share a lot of content with everyone on tumblr again, and focusing my writing in on the game instead of trying to balance too much.

So, Patreon will be turning into a tip jar.

1. Currently, billing is paused. On September 2, the current tiers will be deleted and tiers will be added for (USD) $2, $5, and $7.

2. For current patrons, when a tier is deleted, your subscription IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY CANCELED. You must edit your pledge on your own to a lower tier if you don't want to be charged what you were before.

3. (EDITED) There will be no guaranteed bonus content, and the only difference in content will be that 18+ posts will be reserved for the $7 tier . I'm still planning to do the first meeting POVs and some art specials, it just may be slower and take a little while longer. I'm also hoping to at least post monthly progress reports, and will be figuring out how to open the current posts to the new tiers.

4. I will also be shutting down The Nameless Discord permanently today.

Thank you again for your patience with me, and I hope this will turn a new leaf and get me back in the head space for the actual game again.

Sending y'all much love, and thank you for everything. <3

Parker xoxo

[miru667]

Hiii Miru!!! ♥︎

How is your day going?

Sorry if I’m bothering you, but I just wanted to ask you something that was in my mind for a while, what’s your opinion about the today’s Once-ler Fandom?

I mean, the new oncelings (like me) and all the new stuff that is here, you probably think that all of this is so different in comparison with how the fandom was back in 2012!

And also… do you miss something from the fandom? :p

Something that you don’t see here anymore or not as much as it used to be?

Hiii suemooon! Today was yet another tiring work day =w= but my coworker gave me hot chocolate mix and marshmallows today as a christmas present so that was nice! I hope you're doing well too.

To compare today's onceler fandom vs 2012's onceler fandom...man I could talk forever about this haha! This is all just from my own point of view of course but I would say, yes a lot of things are different, but a lot of things are the same, too.

UHHMMM extremely long post so it's under a readmore LOL

For the differences, a lot of them are simply due to the way the internet has changed in 12 years. In 2012, most oncelings were in their early 20s, and if you were younger than 16 you were extremely rare and we would be like "WOAH?? THEY'RE 15?? I HAVE NEVER SEEN A 15 YEAR OLD ON SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE". But today's oncelings are like, mostly teens now, I feel? I think it's because of tiktok, which didn't exist internationally until 2018, and also because of parents giving ipads to their kids at the age of 2. But yeah, to compare today to 2012 is like comparing gen z to millennials, the content and jokes were different and, due to 2012 being in the past, what was socially acceptable was different, too.

Another thing that's different is the way young people act towards characters nowadays, but let me specify some more. I really dislike the term "content" when referring to someone's personal creations because it just sounds so corporate. And I don't know how to feel when I see some new oncelings treat an old popular askblog character as if they're public property produced by some big company, instead of as an OC that someone worked really hard on. For example, Truffula Flu Camp Entre and Thneedville High AU are like "established media" to a lot of people out there now, as if they're well-known series recognizable to the masses (no, they're not). And as a result, I've seen people headcanon whatever they want on other people's OCs and ship them however they want without even knowing if the mods are okay with those ships anymore (it's better to be real careful, if you want my advice..). I've also seen new oncelings give other people's OCs to public merch-selling sites without the mods' permission, and I've even seen new oncelings try to take inactive askblog OCs as their own. Why? :( Just make your own OCs. You can do it! Hold my hand.

New oncelings don't understand what they're stepping into when they look at our old content from over a decade ago. Our personal feelings and our private friendships from those times, whether good or bad, are precious to us and I guess it's just a new phenomenon that we have to deal with now, so I don't have the answers for this yet. But I would encourage everyone to also look at new and current OCs in the fandom - which many people do, and I love to see that!! I also love seeing people making friends with each other and having fun with each other, that's what reminds me of the better days of 2012.

Another difference is the...landscape? We have tumblr DMs now and we have discord communities so a lot of things are hidden now from public view. RPs used to be public on tumblr but now we rp on discord and only people in the server can read them, and there are pros and cons to that. Also the fandom isn't dominated by only a handful of askblogs anymore. Things are WAY more balanced and evenly distributed now compared to 2012, where Swag Once-ler was the king of the fandom with 200 asks sent to him every hour and 4000 followers accumulated in just 5 months. (And I'm not dissing on Swag, I loved Swag too. I'm just stating my observations. In fact I miss him a lot ;-;)

As for what's the same...xD The excitement and passion that a lot of new oncelings have! I find that so cute. People being creative is the same, people gushing over the onceler and fandom ocs is the same, even if internet slang has changed. People being ambitious with projects is the same, even if those projects are never finished (but this is just general human nature). And PEOPLE BEING SWEET TO EACH OTHER is the same! I was nervous during 2020 since a lot of "ironic" fans joined that year but I'm happy to have seen some genuinely sweet people around in more recent years, just like there were in 2012. 😊

I also see a lot of the same movie analysis discussions each year, which makes sense since new people keep entering the fandom, haha! "The lorax movie could've been better", "the 1972 film is better", "I wish they kept biggering", "they should've expanded the factory scenes and taken out the car chase scene", "i hate the onceler's mom", "the movie's point gets muddled because too many people think his mom's to blame", "i can't believe zac efron and taylor swift didn't sing in the movie", and on and on, those never change, and I've seen these same discussions so often that I support the antithesis of each topic now, just to be a rebel. 😇 But usually I don't engage in those anymore, I just think "haha aww! they're having fun :]" and leave them be! But like, it truly reminds me of the earlier days. It's me who has changed, in this case.

And finally, "do you miss something from the fandom? Something that you don’t see here anymore or not as much as it used to be?" I mentioned Swag already, I also miss a lot of other askblogs that belonged to my friends, and most of all I miss a lot of my friends who've drifted away, and I hope they're all doing well. I had a lot of good times with friends over the years. Some of them were rp partners and I miss our rps and I miss their characters dearly, I can't think about it too hard or else I might cry. What else...I want to say that I miss the crazy nightblogging events we used to have but I don't know if I could keep up with those anymore if they happened again haha. Same with askblogs answering asks live, almost no one does that now because people want so much to make every ask pretty with a new pretty artwork. But like, even if that comes back, again I don't know if I could keep up. So I suppose everything had its place!

Things will continue to shift and change, and you never know what the future holds so it's best to just keep going. I'm still making new friends and new good memories in the fandom each year, and I'm grateful for that.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for this ask and thanks (and sorry) to anyone who read through all of this!!

[sobashahzadi]

words from a very wise man 

I love the ina11 community here on tumblr so very much 

@krongulos

@duskset

@sceptile11

@choberr

@lavendrthekzmrstan

@vraberika

@randomnumber20

@round-time

@aniozzz

@enyaane -

@slusshs

@de4d-l0tus

@spatio-rift

@jinnwu

@eky11

@chmeesed

@kuroeko

@inazumaelevenarchive -

@ur-fav-fuhirou-shiper

@aroacemarkevans

@hkms1225

@ubizoide

@miyabinopenguin

@m1zukam3dian

@misfitmiska

@horocandy

@ygreczed

@renata-dp- AH IM SORRY I FORGOT TO ADD UR PFP TO THE HEART I LOVE UR ART THO <333

I really really hope I didn’t miss anyone, lemme know if I did and I’ll try add you in, I only went off of my following and followers list- though I am aware that there’s a lot more people lol which I would be happy to add in

for those who don’t know the looped rainbow is a symbol for autism

also someone who’s better than me at discord pls make a server for us (EDIT- a server is currently in the works so dw we'll have it sorted eventually)

[drowninginblox]

Thoughts on Fit's Last QSMP stream- spoilers ahead

It is Thursday, May 23rd, 2024. 2:36pm EST when writing. And I am disappointed in myself. Not for anything Fit, the server, the admins, or anyone besides me has done.

I hoped. And once again, I am expectedly crushed. I had a feeling that Fit would take himself out of the equation in the way he did. There would be no Pac Camio (ghost or living), no sight of Ramon either. Just business, as Fit is one to do.

But god did I hope for something out of a fanfiction. The biggest contenders were Pac's ghost or a hallucination speaking to Fit at the bottom of that damn hole to prep and escort him to the afterlife where everyone was waiting for them. OR the idea that Fit, after returning to the island, would kill himself in a similar but unique way to Pac and Mike. Regardless, neither happened. But I am very happy in what I witnessed.

I won't get into too much there will be vod watchers who accidentally stumble into Tumblr- to which I tell you, GO WATCH THE DAMN VOD.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed the Fit abused in-game mechanics to justify his survival down there. However, it calls into question whether or not he took up cannibalism again (writers you know what to do) in which I digress cus that a conversation within itself. I also appreciated that Fit made the effort to check up on more people other than just Pac and Ramon. It sounds like "Yeah, ofc." but let us remember that most of us (and I could be wrong) are shippers, and our yearning for Hideduo kind of blindsided the other relationships q!fit has. (This applies to me to just so yall know)

What fit did to justify or at least give credence to Ramon's character was sweet and I really hope we get some Ramon-centric fics about the possibility of his survival in an otherwise abandoned world, similar to his father. I may do that on my own but definitely not today. Mr. Fit Em See fucking wrecked me and I really could use some fluff right now. Whether it be at my own hand or someone else's, I could not care less.

Hueveitos, we are all going through it. And I bet on all the money I have that Twitter is going insane, Tumblr is dying, and Fit is either taking a well-deserved break or laughing his ass off at us. Probably both knowing that fucker. The brilliant bitch he is. I apologize for not liveblogging, I was enamored with what was going on. But we all were lol

Anyway, I'm probably gonna listen to the music Fit included in the finale and daydream of better days for q!Fit. Ones where, maybe, in another life, something happened on Madagascar's end where the tech didn't work and Fit was suspended in the QSMP for the rest of his natural life. Maybe Ramon is fine enough and just wondering, looking for Fit in an otherwise empty world. Hell, in another life, Pac waited longer for his American boyfriend. Maybe everyone did. Maybe the kids didn't get sick, maybe they all died a week or so after they were found. Who knows!

But with what we were given, and who we had to spend that time with, I know that I'll always look back on the Qsmp in a similar vein to another sorry sap of a sever I know. The memories will persist, the story will continue to be told. The world will keep spinning, and I will keep writing.

Thank you to everyone who was involved in the experience whether it be seen or unseen admin, CC's who somehow found this post on a hellcite, any and all fandom goers that I have stumbled upon in search of solace from the canon, and my girl over discord! I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL BUT YOU'VE HELPED ME GET THROUGH THE LAST LEG OF THIS JOURNEY!!

Here's to tomorrow everyone, regardless of what happens! I love this community and I sure as shit hope you guys don't become strangers!

[theoraclesystem]

I'm sick with COVID, but there's been some stuff brought to my attention about a tiktoker by the name of AspenFrost-EN who is in the DID/OSDD community. (They also have a tumblr, @/aspenfrosten )

Since the post we made about pinksugarfairies went pretty well, I thought I'd talk about this too. I'm feeling a bit better right now and have some spoons for this.

Aspen is a 20 year old in the DID/OSDD community on tiktok and also has their own server on discord that they claimed wasn't a syscord server, but then it became a server with primarily systems, making it a syscord server. The thing about their server is that it's 13+ and Aspen themself has stated that their server is NOT a safe space for anyone.

If you have a server that is for systems, it needs to be a safe space or you should not have a server dedicated to systems. Systems are inherently traumatized individuals and there are plenty of minors in this server as well, a server that is dubbed as "not a safe space", where people bully others for speaking out, there's NSFW topics, there's "schizoposting" ("I'm in your walls, there's bugs in your skin!!" type shit), even encouraging self harm to minors and other severely traumatized individuals.

Aspen has allegedly had minors draw NSFW art of them and even knows their actions are wrong and harassment/bullying, but they have admitted that they do not care because "I'm literally immature lol!" or "I'm a treachery demon!!"

As I've stated in the callout about JudasFlower, it doesn't matter what you are in a system, you are still human when you front. And if this person wants to be a "content creator" for DID/OSDD, they cannot act like this.

Aspen has also mentioned that DID/OSDD is a "uniquely autistic trauma response" - which is not true - and then goes on to say that it's often comorbid with autism, and when asked where they got their sources for this, they only responded with "therapy lmao". This is not how DID/OSDD works. Anyone that goes through repetitive childhood trauma can develop DID/OSDD, regardless of whether or not you're autistic.

There are a few tiktokers making callout docs about this person and I'll link one of them to this. They've been called out for being a "centrist", being a TERF, being anti-boycott and calling it "liberal bullshit", saying that alter names being culturall appropriation if you're not part of that culture is "liberal bullshit", called the abuse from Wilbur Soot "drama" and was more empathetic for Wilbur fictives/introjects than the actual survivor of the abuse, etc etc.

Here's the doc for it, please be wary of this person. I did not write this doc, by the way, I am simply sharing it for awareness.

[greenplumbboblover]

First off... Time for some celebration!

Simblr.cc Now has 100th Members! 🎉 It may not seem as much, but we all start somewhere! :)

Thank you so much for believing in the project, and especially the people who have already uploaded or posted some awesome content!

And with that... I guess? Presents? (Unintentionally lol)

✨New Features!✨

More big features have been added! Quick TL;DR:

Dead Site repository (See: https://simblr.cc/deadsites/)

User Images (Tab under each download)

Import from Tumblr has been improved!

Queue moderation is currently turned off, to see if that fits the website better. (Though, that doesn't mean I won't check it for any naughty posts that weren't flagged as nsfw! 😉)

You can now browse per Project, rather than All items. (Thanks @nornities for the suggestion!)

Import from Tumblr

(See: https://simblr.cc/import/sites/mod/)

It still may be a little finicky! But while it works most of the time, having more people giving it a try would really help out! :)

Since most themes are different, it could mean that there needs to be a special case written for it.

So anyone whose willing to help out by importing from their tumblr, would be incredibly helpful! (and sending any errors over on discord: https://discord.gg/X9cUPZUdZT

Dead Site Repository

The Repository:

For more moderation-y purposes, you'll have to contact me first on creating a new repository. This way, I can double-check that the site is actually down.

What counts as a dead site:

An actually offline website (assuming it's been down for at least a few weeks minimum

A tumblr User's page that no longer exist.

A Tumblr User that does exist, but has deleted all their mediafire/simfileshare/dropbox/etc downloads.

Anything along the lines above ;)

Collections:

Allright, so you got yourself a Repository going... But what then?

Well, if there aren't any collections as of yet, feel free to create one before uploading! :) Make sure that the following is done:

The collection name is accurate to the package file(s)

This would mean, that if it comes from a "Set" (Let's say, a "TS2 > TS4 conversion set) , that you'd label it as such.

If you don't know if it's from a set (or it isn't to begin with) then make sure it's something as clear as "Hair" or "Seating" or "Kitchen".

Now you can add the files (and if you like, images)

Image:

They aren't mandatory, but a good idea if you can! :) It adds a bit of visualisation to the person who eventually is downloading the package.

User Images

What's this?

If you're familiar with Nexus, this may seem familiar to you.

You can now share your in-game images of a specific mod with the creator. (and the rest of the world) :p However, the creator will have to approve your images first. (In case of trolls...)

Creators:

Can turn off submission of images.

Approve/reject these images.

Get notifications IF someone submitted an image.

Browsing Projects

A new setting has appeared! It's the "Projects only" checkbox!

(Sorry for the crappy circle lol)

For Project Owners:

Projects now also have "Cover Images" if you set them of course :)

Just go over to your Projects Page (https://simblr.cc/profile/projects/)

And click your project.

From there you should see under "Edit Project" (corner top right) in the modal a way to add it :)

[shinesurge]

I'm sitting around waiting for our car to get serviced so I'm gonna take a minute to write a post I've been chewing on for a little bit lol

I think! A lot of creators talk about 'word of mouth' being the best advertising and it's TRUE they are right but I'm not sure the actual like, function of that is getting across because people still get confused about it when I bring it up, and I keep seeing people frustrated that their efforts aren't working (notably in spaces like the obscure webcomic tournament). Recommending stuff to your friends or writing stuff in to promotional spaces DEFINITELY helps don't stop doing that, but what people ACTUALLY mean by this is getting Visibly Excited about things in spaces where it can break containment.

Fandom content is what gets people into things!! Like, think about everything that "takes off" online; it's not because people post the plot synopsis over and over, or go "please read this it's good," the stuff that actually gets people engaging is seeing some cool fan work or clipped out content and going what the FUCK is that. The Barbie movie probably would have done fine on its own, but the insane phenomenon it's become certainly wouldn't have happened if regular internet users hadn't memed it to hell and back; this stuff works.

I didn't give a SHIT about Persona 5, or The Magnus Archives, or The Adventure Zone or any number of things I got dragged into until I saw fandom content for them. Persona 5 sounds like boring as fuck anime shit on paper, I do NOT care about podcasts, but people kept drawing the COOLEST stuff for them or posting insane fan theories until I HAD to know what was going on. That's what we're talking about with word of mouth! Sincere engagement with the thing is better than any advertising could ever be.

It doesn't have to be creative art or writing either! Make Character Appreciation Posts using the source material! Make an essay-length analysis of the story's themes! Set up a weekly post about how much you love a character or a count of how many days it's been since someone showed up, do Incorrect Quotes or paste tumblr text posts over characters, idk man there's entire blogs dedicated to posting every One Piece panel that has certain characters in it, there are no rules

What I'm saying is if you're wanting to help out smaller creators, please get involved, and PLEASE do it outside insulated places like discord servers. A thriving community that only exists inside a closed server still looks like a ghost town from the outside. "please read this it's got lesbians" helps get something on the radar, making a compilation post of the lesbians and posting it with a link to The Thing gets people's attention.

anyway that's all thanks @ Fans Of All Kinds for caring enough to want to help out independent people to the point i felt like it was worth making a post like this; to be clear, nobody is owed any of this stuff and you're certainly not obligated to put in all this effort to enjoy a thing! but i know a LOT of people are enthusiastic about indie media and want to help out, and sometimes a little extra guidance from the creator perspective helps them figure out how to do that effectively. love you have a good day

[kalims]

writing commisions!

after a lot of confusion somehow I finally decided on prices + ellie's thankful advice earlier this morning, I decided to open commisions as a celebration of sorts for reaching 5k followers 🎉

ko-fi

slot one [ taken ]

slot two [ taken ]

slot three [ open ]

I will only start writing after I received the payment or, you could send me half before and the rest after!

depending on how long the commision is, it can vary between 1-4 weeks seeing as the weekends is only the really free time I have but I'll try to give an estimate

no refunds :))

note. I know it's priced higher than usual commisions but I've thought about it a lot, I think that my services are worth that much and has potential to be better for commisions as I know that I'm working for someone

it's not like the sometimes-rushed fics here on tumblr i think I'll take my time for these lol

ㅤ

fandoms. twisted wonderland

masterlist | guidelines

ㅤ

words (for longer fics)

every 1k words will add ($10)

every 100 words will add ($1)

1K - ($10)

2k - ($20)

3K - ($30)

4k+ - ($40+)

my longest work

ㅤ

if you're not looking for a specific work count I can offer these;

headcanons

150-300 words ($5) , can be negotiable depending on the amount of bullets/words you want which will raise the price

ㅤsample , sample , sample

ㅤ

scenarios

400-500 words ($6) , can be negotiable depending on the amount of words you want which will raise the price per 100 more

ㅤsample , sample , sample

ㅤ

alignments

300+ words ($3) , can be negotiable depending on the amount of words you want which will raise the price per 100 more

ㅤsample

ㅤ

short fics

700-900+ words ($10) , can be negotiable depending on the amount of words you want which will raise the price per 100 more

ㅤsample , sample , sample

long fics prices are above and will be set w/ a word count.

additional

for the word count increasing, every 100 words can be ($1) additional however discussing how much words you'd like beforehand will really help set the price ^^

angst ($2+) just because I don't think there's a single work here in my tumblr with angst Lol

oc / original character ($3) though I'd need some info about ur oc haha. as detailed as possible if you could.

au / alternate universe ($1) eg. fantasy, historical, coffee shop au, etc.. basically one that's different from original twst

yandere ($4)

if you'd like something else suggest it to me and we can work out a price

tba

payment will be through paypal invoice/ko-fi!!

if you're interested please dm me here ^^ or if you prefer to chat somewhere else like discord then that's perfectly fine as well

depending on how long the commision is, it takes about 1-4 weeks. if I happen to be free then me finishing the work will be a lot faster

[bisonaari]

Käärijä fanzine update!

Alright! Thanks to your gentle lovely bullying, I've finally read most of the documentation I had and took some notes of the stuff I will need help with for the Käärijä hats fanzine. This is gonna be a lot of work to organize, so I can't do this alone!!

So I'm calling for extra hands. If you're interested in helping me, you'll need to be sure to be mostly available for the next 6 months (being a bit extra with the time, but better safe than sorry.) By that I don't mean that you need to be there everyday full time, I'm not either lol. I mean that you won't be travelling for four out of those six months or something like that hahaha.

WHAT I ALREADY HAVE

Project coordinator: Me!

Artists coordinator: Also me!

Graphic designer: My best friend @drifloonlady (she's not in the fandom, but she does design for a living and I trust her with my life. Also she knows how to speak in Käärijä-style english she's a gem. And also she hosted a weird music panel at our local con with me for the past decade she's gonna fit right in trust me)

I WILL NEED HELP WITH

(you don't have to apply for only one thing!)

Project co-coordinator: your role will be to help me deal with how to organize all of this. Discussing with me about deadlines, artist submissions, general ideas, schedules, sending emails, etc etc

Social media manager: I suck at social media, so we'll need to update people on tumblr on a regular basis, answer asks, make an faq, show previews of the zine… all of that

Native english speaker: English isn't my native language and I make mistakes by the ton. We'll need someone to english proof every "official" communication we make, especially in the zine. Having spelling errors in the final zine because I can't english would be a bit sad haha

Native finnish speaker, maybe?: If we end up printing it, giving a copy to Käärijä and/or any member of his staff who would like one would be lovely, and in this case having a message for them in finnish would be interesting, especially considering Jere's english. Unsure if we're gonna print it, but if you wanna apply just in case, feel free to!

If you apply, as I said make sure that you're gonna be mostly available in the next six months. I'd also prefer if everyone applying was an adult, I sadly don't watch my language enough to be kid-friendly if we're gonna be chatting on discord on a regular basis hahaha.

KNOW THAT THIS IS ON A VOLUNTEERING BASIS ONLY. NO ONE IS BEING PAID FOR THIS PROJECT.

HOW TO APPLY

write me a dm no need to be professional for now hahaha

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT

All the people selected in this process will be in the following week added to a discord server, so we can chat about a lot of stuff on organization.

After everything is decided, we'll make a whole blog dedicated to the zine, and then finally open artists submissions.

I don't know when these steps are gonna be taken, hopefully sooner than me reading the documentation has taken. Now that my health is better and I can read properly without brain fog, that should help lol. Also not being alone should help a lot

If you have any question whatsoever, don't hesitate to ask me anything about this! As you guys know I'm an open book, so if you have any concern they're all welcome :)

[donteattheappleshook]

Not Broken At All Chapter 16/?

Summary:

A season 1 Neverland AU. Emma is still trying to adjust to her new life as Sheriff of Storybrooke and mom to Henry, who still believes everyone in town is a fairytale creature. When she finds a badly beaten, one handed man while patrolling, she’s convinced he’s crazy. He is, after all, rambling about fairies and shadows and crocodiles. But when Henry is suddenly taken out the window of a house everyone believes is haunted, the madman in the hospital might be her only hope of getting her son back. Whether he likes it or not.

Rated E

Catch up on Ao3 (where my italics work) or on Tumblr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Oh hey, remember me? Remember this story I haven't updated in a year…… Please don't hate me lol Sorry for how long this took - this chapter was just impossible to write and time just kept passing. I'm hoping there won't be such a long break again but I know better than to make promises.

Hopefully some of you are still reading this and enjoy this new chapter!

Note that I made a small change to the last chapter (which fixed this one). You don't have to read it, just know that the lost boys who died on the beach are still out there.

Anyway… here you go! Sorry!

Thank you as always to @the-darkdragonfly for letting me just throw ideas at you about this story all the time and putting up with all the changes! 💕💕 And thank you @kmomof4 for looking this over and helping me decide on the ending 💕 (You can blame her! I kid... mostly)

Small content/trigger warning: This chapter includes more of the aftermath of the hunt. There are no children actively hurt in this chapter but there are bodies and burials and grief.

*******

Part 16

“Mom?”

The thundering of her heart rips her from sleep, hollow and echoing with the blood rushing in her ears, painful in her chest. But there’s only darkness in the small room of the ship, eyes wide and unfocused, the remnants of a dream she can’t remember still making shapes in the dark. She could have sworn she heard it, like it was there in the room with her. But there's no one here - only Killian still in the bed next to her, the arm that had held her close before now outstretched beneath her as he sleeps. A dream. Neverland playing tricks on her - or one of the lost boys above deck calling out to the dark for their mother. 

“Momma?” That one’s real, quieter. One of the children must have found a way down, wandering the halls looking for someone he’ll never find. “Mummy…” That one is heartbreaking. She rises from the bed, Killian not stirring as she slips from the sheets and makes her way quietly across and out of the room. The boys were told not to come down here - better she find whoever it is than one of the pirates. “Mom?” There’s no one there to accompany the sound in the dim light of the lantern outside the cabin and she hesitates, looking towards where the disembodied voice came from. Whoever they are, it sounds like they’re making their way back to the deck on their own… “Mom?” 

The word cuts through her, paralyzes her, heart so tight in her chest she can’t breathe. Henry. She knows his voice - already so deeply ingrained in every part of her being after such a short time that hearing it now is like a piece of herself lost and calling out to be found. 

“Emma?” Softer, getting further away from her - losing him all over again. Her bare feet make no sound as she runs past the crew’s quarters, past the bosun’s room and the galley towards the deck. The door creaks wearily as she climbs the steps and opens it to the night air. The lost boys are asleep - all of them - every single one exhausted from the horrors of the day and she pads carefully through the bodies - sleeping and dead - searching. Henry’s not among them. The ship holds that eerie Neverland silence she can’t get used to, no crashing of waves or rustle of wind, the faint discordant song of the Lorelei the only hiss of sound as it floats in and out on the sea. 

“Mom?” 

Her eyes snap to the back of the Jolly. “Henry?” she hisses. 

“Mom!” Emma nearly stumbles over a sleeping child as she tries to catch up to him before he’s lost to her again. He found her. Of course he did, just like before. She should have known he would. She rounds the helm, heart pounding so violently it reaches the stern before she does. But there’s no one there, again, just an empty deck where a child should be, where her son should be. 

“Where are you?” There’s nowhere else to search, only the sea that surrounds them.

“Emma?” Wendy is standing in front of her, head cocked. “What are you doing up here?” 

She looks towards where her son should be, where the voice no longer calls out to her. There’s nothing there, no one, just the sleeping boys, just Will. 

“Did you see him?”

“See who?” 

“Henry. Did you see him? Did you see where he went?” 

“Henry? There’s no one else up here. It’s just me and the new recruits. You must have been dreaming.”

“I know what I heard. I know my son.” The other woman’s expression turns pitying and Emma’s shoulders tense. “I heard him.” 

Wendy’s frown deepens and when she speaks her voice has the same tone that hers had when she’d been trying to calm Hook in the hospital, the one you use to console a crazy person. “I’m sure you did.”

“It wasn’t a dream.” But even as she says it she starts to doubt her own words. There’s no sign of him, no sign that he was ever here. Wendy wouldn’t lie about that. 

She sighs. “I believe you.” She does, but she also doesn’t believe Henry’s on the ship either. Emma goes to the ship’s edge, careful not to trip over any sprawled limbs, and squints out at the beach against the sun that’s just starting to rise. Maybe he’s not on the Jolly. Maybe he’s somewhere out there. There’s no sign of him on the blood soaked sand and relief settles like a stone in her throat even as the fear of not knowing where he is rises up again. “Neverland plays tricks, Emma.” Wendy joins her at the bow, leaning against the rail, back straight and alert as she looks out at the carnage before them. “You can’t trust anything you hear. The shadows’ll do anything to lure you out.”

“The shadows?”

A nod. “They see into your dreams, see what it is you want most and use it against you. It’s how so many of the boys end up here in the first place.” Wendy’s shoulders sag a little, looking out at the bodies on the beach. It’s the closest Emma’s seen her come to breaking the hard mask she’s worn so well since the hunt started - the real person behind the cold captain. “And now they’ll never leave.”

“What happens to the bodies?” she asks, looking back at the dead, carefully wrapped in sheets on the deck.

“We bury the ones who made it here at sea. Neverland takes back the rest.” 

Emma frowns, eyes darting to the shore. “What do you mean it takes them back?” 

“They become the shadows that live in Dark Hollow, whispering to Pan, finding children, his way of keeping an eye on the outside world. He’ll come at sundown to collect them.” 

“They become the shadows?” she swallows, cold dread tasting bitter at the thought of all those kids having to become Pan’s creatures, forced to do his bidding forever. “The boys?”

Wendy nods and her stomach drops. 

“What about the ones who died here? Will they be shadows too?” 

She shakes his head. “Neverland magic can’t touch this ship. Whatever enchantment’s on it is powerful enough to keep even the darkness away.” Neverland can’t find you here. 

Emma hears her sigh when she looks back out at that beach. “Don’t even think about it.” She’s thinking about it. “He gets to keep his winnings. Those are the rules of the game. Those rules keep us alive.” 

She doesn’t answer, only gives the captain a small nod, thoughts still spinning with the cruelty of it all, that even in death these children can’t escape Pan. Wendy puts a hand on her shoulder, the gesture surprisingly consoling, the mask slipping again. “You’re not the only one who wishes it could be different.” 

Emma nods, grim and defeated, and Wendy pats her shoulder with a tight-lipped smile before turning towards where some of the children have started to stir. 

She wishes she could say she thought about it longer, or at all, really. But all she can think of is every single kid she knew growing up, all the ones who fell through the cracks, the ones who were given up on or abandoned, all the adults who threw up their hands and said there was nothing they could do - that was just how the system worked, that rules had to be followed. Fuck that. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

Wendy’s shout echoes above her, cut off by the water when she plunges into it. It takes her deeper than she expected it to, the fall further than she thought, but she kicks wildly, eyes burning against the salt until she breaks the surface. And then she’s swimming, boots and vest heavy against the waves, hat lost somewhere between the ship and the surface, but she keeps going. She can make this swim, she’s made it before - and she has a purpose now. 

She stumbles as she climbs onto the beach, the tide pulling at her knees and then her ankles like it’s trying to draw her back to where it’s safe. Emma fights it, running and slipping across the sand once it’s hot and dry beneath her feet and collapsing beside the first boy she finds. He’s tall and wiry, limbs stretched out, calf-like, not yet grown into his elbows and knees. And now he never will. 

She kneels beside him, stroking his cheek before closing his eyes. Salt water drips onto his skin, turning dried blood fresh again as she tells him she’s sorry - that this happened, that she couldn't do anything to stop it, that Pan gets to keep living. She doesn’t know how long she just sits there with him, looking out at all the other kids who won’t ever go home. 

“Swan…” No. She’s not going back - not leaving them here. She slides her arms under the boy’s shoulders, heaving his limp, heavy frame onto her chest, not sure how she plans to get him back to the ship, just that she will. “Swan.” She ignores it, digging her heels into the sand, trying to plant them under her enough that she can get to her feet. But it slips away beneath her boots and she falls on her ass again and again. She’s not leaving him here. She’s not leaving any of them here.

“Swan.” 

“What!” she snaps, barely looking up at him, wet hair plastered to his face, coat left behind, shirt soaked in water and salt. She can’t get her legs steady enough beneath her, can’t lift the kid any higher into her arms, so she starts to drag him back across the beach, holding tight to his chest as she makes it inch by inch, blonde head rolling limply against her shoulder. 

“Emma,” Killian says softly when she stumbles, she and the boy fall back against the sand. If he says her name one more goddamn time… His hand is gentle on her arm, stopping her as she moves to stand again and she looks up, ready for a fight, whatever she has to, but she’s taking this kid back to his stupid, magical ship where he can rest in fucking peace. 

But his gaze isn’t scolding, not a warning or even pity and he reaches for the boy in her arms, taking his weight from her and hoisting him over his shoulder. He fixes her carefully with a solemn, resolved stare when she stands to meet his gaze. “There’ll be consequences.” 

She looks back towards the shoreline where Will and Wendy are standing by the dinghy. “Do you care?” she asks him, turning to the others, “Do any of you care?” There are more coming out of the water now, pirates and lost boys marching onto the beach.

The residual anger fades from Wendy’s eyes, hardening into something different, and then she kneels beside a small body, this one looking too young to have been on this side of the hunt. “John didn’t make it off the beach,” is all she says before lifting him from the sand and meeting Emma’s eyes with equal determination. 

Will shrugs. “Pan already wants me dead,” he says, bending to pick up another child, cradling the boy to his chest. “Might as well be for a good reason.”

Slowly, the others begin doing the same, gathering the fallen, some searching for brothers, friends, others finding any they can carry. Emma follows Killian’s gaze to where two older kids come to the aid of a young boy trying to pick up a bigger body that bears him a painful resemblance - a brother no doubt. She doesn’t miss the way Killian watches them carry him across the beach, the younger boy not letting go of his brother’s sleeve. He’d lost his brother here as well, to Pan’s cruelty. She wonders how long ago it was, wonders if any amount of time matters. 

Emma follows Killian as he brings the tall boy’s body to the dinghy and sets him down gently. 

“So what now, Swan?” he says, turning to look at the Lost Boys gathering their fallen friends, “You’ve declared war on Pan. And these boys will follow you to the end now. Where will you lead them?” 

Emma spares another glance at the beach, at the pirates that were Lost Boys and the Lost Boys that will be pirates, all of them stolen from their lives and their families for Pan’s enjoyment. “Home. When this is over, and Pan is dead, we’re taking them home. All of them.”

“Aye,” he says, with an edge of something she can’t place in his voice, his gaze holding hers just a moment too long before he moves to collect another body, damp skin and drying shirt becoming stained with someone else’s blood. He hesitates, casting a glance back at her. “They aren’t the only ones who’ll follow you,” he tells her before turning and walking back towards the shore.

***

There are twice as many bodies on the deck as there had been last night, a sea of white cloth laid out on the bow of the Jolly like snowfall, twice as many ghosts wrapped in sheets waiting to be buried at sea. There are twice as many lost boys too, half of them no longer cowering by the edge of the ship’s rail, gazing longingly out at the island they’d just escaped. Instead they stand in rows, backs straight and heads bowed, already falling in line, already soldiers as they wait for their captain to speak. 

They’d sailed further from land than Emma’s been since they first arrived, the water deeper here, where no light can reach the depths even with the sun burning high and bright above them, and no shadows can be cast. “They’re weakest when the sun is at its peak, where the light can’t cast them further,” Wendy had explained. “At night though… at night the whole world is shadow.” 

Killian stands tense before them, Wendy and Will at his side, the two captains and their first mates. There’s something off in the line of his shoulders, in the way his thumb keeps sliding over the rings he wears. She’d seen him in the aftermath of the hunt, surrounded by the bodies, used to death and slaughter and cruelty. He’d held back then, composed and calm as always around the boys and young men that had survived. But as he looks at the sea of white, the cannonballs tied to their ankles that will drag them all down into the darkness where the shadows can’t reach them, she can see him losing that tenuous grip on his cool indifference. So can Wendy, if the hint of sympathy barely cracking through her own harsh disguise is anything to go on. 

When she thinks that he might not manage it, that his first mate might have to step in and take over, he lets out a bitter sigh. “Best not to draw it out.” Will steps forward, he and Killian lifting the closest body onto a plank balanced on the rail, held steady by two of the older crewmen - both barely out of their teens - preparing to tilt the body into the sea. 

Before he can raise his hand to signal the order, a small boy appears at his side, and Killian freezes. Emma hadn’t seen him break rank, hadn’t seen him make his way across the deck - no more than seven or eight years old.  She recognizes him, the one who’d been trying to carry his brother on the beach. She wonders what he could have possibly done for Pan to decide he’d had his fill of time in Neverland. 

The boy’s coat is tattered and dirty from however long he’d been in the jungle, and her reaches into it to pull something out, and then stretches as far as he can to reach across the body that’s nearly at eye level with him. And there, in the center of white sheet, he sets a baseball card down on the fallen boy’s chest. 

Emma doesn’t breath, the men holding the plank staring at the card, everyone on deck silent and frozen. The child moves to Killian’s side then, tugging at the thick leather of his sleeve until the captain leans down and gives the boy his attention. “Jack.” 

A strange sort of uncertainty falls over the crowd at the sound of the lost boy’s name. This is clearly not how things are done. Even the newest recruits shift uncomfortably - waiting. She watches the understanding settle in the line of Killian’s shoulders as he nods at the newest member of his crew. After a moment, one of the men who’d been holding the plank reaches out and tucks the card into the folds of the sail and then looks to his captain. Killian turns to the boy before nodding again.

“Jack,” he repeats, loud enough for everyone to hear.

There’s barely a splash as the body disappears beneath the surface, hardly a sound in that chilling stillness that Neverland possessed, but it resonates across the deck and Emma feels something shift. Wendy moves to help lift the next body onto the plank as Killian waits. A name is called from somewhere near the back, too quiet to place among the rows of former lost boys, but Killian repeats it as he had first one and there’s a moment of solemnness before another splash echoes across the deck. 

He names each of them -they all do - friends and brothers calling out to identify the fallen, to remember them before they’re laid to rest where Pan will never find them, where he’ll never hurt them again. 

***

“What do you think he’ll do?” 

Killian looks up at her standing in his doorway, shirt slipping over his head, catching on his hook. “Pan?” He sets to working the fabric free, hair windswept and sticking up at strange angles, skin still marked with the blood of the children he’d carried. 

Emma nods. He’d said there’d be consequences and she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since they’d gotten the last boy off the beach and onto the ship, his body wrapped in a sheet and sent to the depths with the others.

“I don’t know, but he won’t be happy.” 

She worries her lip between her teeth, casting a glance down the hall to the steps where overhead the boys are being introduced to their new life of piracy. “Darling makes ‘em spend days scrubbing the ship clean when they first come aboard. Says it ‘builds character’,” Will had explained. “Let it go already - it’s been nine years.” 

“Not having second thoughts, are you?” 

She shakes her head. She knows she did the right thing, that the children that died yesterday deserved some amount of dignity, of care, even in death, that those who lived deserved to see that they mattered, that they would be missed, that they wouldn’t be cast aside or forgotten. And that they wouldn’t be forced to be a tool in Pan’s neverending need for more playthings. 

“No, but I guess… I guess I didn’t consider that the consequences might not just be mine.” He could come for any of them. As far as Pan knows, she doesn’t exist. But Killian and Wendy, Will and everyone else on this ship could fall victim to Pan’s anger because of her. 

“Every person out there made a choice today, Swan. Something they haven’t been able to do in a very long time.” He finally gets the shirt free of his brace and lifts his gaze to hers. “Whatever consequences befall us now, the burden will be all of ours to bear. Not just yours.” He waits until she nods in agreement, then moves to dip his hand and hook into a basin, Emma watching as the water turns a murky red. “I will say though, Swan, I pity Pan for when he finally finds himself on the wrong side of your wrath. You’ve turned all of Neverland against him, even his own.”

“I think he did that himself when he tried to kill them.”

Killian shakes his head, grabbing a dampened cloth with his hook and scrubbing at the blood and sand dried to his hand. “The fact that they’d defy Pan and choose their fallen friends… the fact that half of them didn’t run for the treeline to beg him to take them back… You’ve changed something, love. You’ve done more for the creatures of this island in a week than any of us have managed in centuries.”

“I couldn’t just do nothing,” she mutters, crossing her arms and shrugging awkwardly. 

Killian gives a short, humourless laugh, avoiding her gaze, scrubbing harder as the cloth continues to slip from his hook. “Believe me, Swan, it’s very easy to do nothing.”

Emma takes a step into the room. “You didn’t do nothing.” 

“I didn’t do nearly as much as I could have.” 

“Stop it,” she scolds, crossing the space between them and taking the rag from him. He startles as she grabs his wrist, running the cloth over the blood caked into his palm. She knows her hair and clothes probably look just as bad - everyone out on the deck today carrying the stain of Pan’s cruelty on their skin. “You did what you could while staying alive. You can’t protect people if you’re dead. You can’t protect your crew, and you can’t protect the kids Pan sends your way if you’re dead.” He doesn’t have an answer to that. Good. 

They stand in silence as she finishes her task. When she can’t pretend to be cleaning the now non-existent blood anymore - the most stubborn bit finally wiped clean - when she can’t avoid saying what she came to say anymore, she sighs. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“I know you could have just as easily made me leave them there on the beach - that it probably would have been the safer choice.” 

She rests the cloth in his open hand, focusing on it instead of him. She’s not great at this ‘thank you’ thing, at people understanding her the way he had on the shore today. 

“I don’t think anyone could make you do anything easily, Swan,” he teases and she shrugs, matching his hesitant smirk. “And it may have been the safe thing to do, but it wouldn’t have been the right thing.” His fingers curl around hers, keeping her there and drawing her attention back to him. “I should thank you as well.” 

“For what?” she echoes, frowning. She’s pretty sure she’s done nothing but cause problems for him since she got here. 

“For reminding me that I can still choose to do the right thing. I’d started to believe I’d forgotten how.” 

Her frown deepens. “Killian, you’ve done the right thing since -'' always, she wants to say, since she met him and made him bring her back here. He’s done right by her and her son and everyone else here from the beginning. 

“Since you chained me to that bloody sick bed,” he finishes, smirking again even as he shakes his head in disbelief, thumb is stroking across her knuckles - she doesn’t think he means to be doing it. “I don’t seem to have the option where you’re concerned. It’s exhausting, really.” Emma does her best not to laugh, not when he takes a step closer, fingers curling more purposefully around hers, the metal of his ring cool against her skin as he drops the cloth, eyes focused on hers like he’s trying to find an answer in them.  Voice soft, the teasing gone now he breathes, “you’re a bloody marvel, Swan,” and he’s so damn close now that she can feel his words warm against her cheek, can smell the salt and leather and rum that clings to his skin even after a day like today. 

He doesn’t move and she can’t decide if she wants him to, if the pounding of her heart stems from a desire to have him close the distance between them or from fear of what it would mean if he did. He’s watching her like he’s trying to decide the same and the words come out before she can stop them.

“Are you going to kiss me again?” 

His brow quirks up in amusement, before it shifts into that smug arch that’s become so familiar. “I believe you’re the one who’s initiated all of our previous dalliances, love,” he points out and she can feel her face going hot because he’s not wrong - she’s been throwing herself at him every chance she gets since that first kiss that was meant to distract him. “But aye,” he continues before the embarrassment gives her time to second guess herself. His hand lifts to her cheek, thumb tracing over her lip. “If you’ve no objections…” 

She should have some objections - like that making out with the really hot, annoyingly heroic pirate that makes her feel all kinds of confusing things she doesn’t want to be feeling is a really bad idea. But her head shakes without her permission and then he’s leaning in, carefully and agonizingly slowly until his lips only barely brush hers, the taste and heat of his mouth leaving her aching for the promise of more. She’d accuse him of teasing, only it doesn’t feel like a tease, more like a question as his lips catch hers gently, chaste and slow before pulling away and hesitating a moment longer. 

Emma’s fingers reach to tangle in his hair as she resists the urge to pull him to her like she has in the past. He lets out a small sigh at her touch and she can almost taste it before his mouth is on hers again, kiss slow and deep, swallowing the small sound she lets out when his brace slides low across her back to draw her closer. He kisses her like they’ve never done this before, every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue and exploration and she’ll never get over how strongly her body reacts to him and the all-consuming way his mouth claims hers. 

She breathes his name and he lets out a low growl, hand tightening in her hair, pulling her closer, teeth dragging over her lip like he can catch the sound before soothing it with his tongue. He walks them back across the room to the door, pushing it shut, cradling her head against the impact as he presses her into the wood, mouth not leaving hers. She’s taken aback for a moment by the gentleness of his touch, but then his lips leave hers to trail the length of her neck and the shuddering heat that burns her everywhere his tongue meets her skin has her arching into him, need pooling low in her stomach. 

Emma lets out a small whimper when he follows the line of her shirt to the swell of her breasts and Killian groans, pulling away, forehead resting against hers as they both pant into the space between them. “I don’t have the energy to do everything I want to do to you tonight,” he sighs.

“How about just some of it?” she asks and he laughs, hand tracing the same path his mouth had, stopping at the center of her chest, over her heart, and sounding as frustrated as she feels - but also just as exhausted. Today had been a trying day, even by Neverland standards, and they’re both weary and still covered in blood and dirt and sweat from the exertion. 

“I know,” she agrees with a sigh, even if she doesn’t like it. Her hands slide from where they’d woven themselves into his hair to settle on his chest, his skin warm and soft against the coarse hair, heart beating hard under her palm. “Can I…” He waits, gaze focused on her even as she looks at the floor. She hates feeling vulnerable, but with everything that’s happened, with what Wendy told her about the shadows, and the now growing threat of an angry, vindictive Pan she just… “Can I stay?” 

They hadn’t talked about it in the morning, about Emma coming to his room the night before, the ship so loud with the cries of those broken children thrust into adulthood too young, into piracy against their will. She’d been gone before he woke, chasing phantoms across the deck and jumping off ships and they’d pretended as though it had never happened. And she’d been grateful for that. It made her feel brave enough to ask now, to admit that she needed this.

He seems surprised by her question before an expression of gentle understanding softens his features. “Aye, love,” he nods, reaching to brush her probably wild and matted hair from her eyes. “I’d like that.” The hitch of her heart calms when she realizes that maybe he also doesn’t want to be alone tonight, that maybe he needs the comfort and safety of another person after all the tragedy they’ve seen these last few days. 

He kisses her again, soft and gentle and easing some of the dread that’s made a home in her chest since she left Storybrooke. She thinks he meant it to be chaste, but neither of them seem in any hurry to give up the press of his mouth against hers, the reassuring comfort of his heartbeat, beneath her palm, or the warmth of his calloused fingers against her cheek, the metal of his hook, cool and grounding on her hip. 

She lets it go on longer than she should for a kiss like this, one that isn’t building to anything else, that isn’t meant to excite or seduce but just to feel and savour something good for once, something easy. It’s the way she’d kissed him by the water on Solstice. It had been dangerous then and it was dangerous now. 

Still, Killian is the one to pull away first, Emma chasing his lips without meaning to before he clears his throat, cheeks flushed and an expression she can’t place in his eyes as they meet hers, like the one he’d worn in the brig - perhaps I would - and suddenly it’s all so much more than it was supposed to be, than it can or should be. He must sense it too because he takes a step back, fog still not fully cleared from his gaze as he straightens. 

“I should go ensure the crew are prepared for the night - that there’s a watch planned.” She peels herself off the door so that he can get by. “There’s hot water in the pitcher if you want to wash the day off,” he adds, waiting for her nod, returning it, and then darting out of the room. 

Emma sags back against the closed door. What the hell are you doing? She can’t be doing… this. Whatever this is. Not here, certainly not now when she should be focused on her mission, on her son, not when the last time she came close to this was… Her fingers brush over the boot laces tied around her wrist. Look how well that had ended. Look how well it always ends. 

By the time Killian returns she’s washed her hair and the worst of the grime from her skin before slipping under the covers in a stolen, clean shirt. She feigns sleep when she hears him move almost silently around the room, there’s the splash of water and the rustle of clothing as she forces her eyes to remain shut. It’s not until she knows he’s standing by the bed, hesitating, like he’s not sure he should still join her now that she’s ‘asleep’ - as though she didn’t ask him if she could spend another night in his bed- that she breaks her pretense. 

“Just get in, Killian.” There’s a pause, a stillness in the air before she feels the sheets move and the bed sag beside her as he slides in, settling on his side next to her but leaving enough room that there’s no risk of them touching. And it’s a palpable distance. “Do you… do you want to sleep alone?” she asks quietly, anxious now that this isn’t one of his frustrating gentleman streaks but that he’s changed his mind, that she’s imposing, asking too much of him. 

“No,” his voice is just as low as hers and she holds back a small sigh of relief. 

“Please don’t make me ask…” Emma feels him calm beside her, the awkward tension leaving him as he inches closer. His fingers ghost over her shoulder for a moment before he slides his arm around her waist and pulls her back against him.

“I’m here, Swan. You don’t have to ask.” The promise is breathed into her hair, lips pressing to the crown of her head as they had the night before and Emma shuts her eyes against the tears that burn at the edges of them. “You’re safe,” he tells her again, like he knows she needs to hear it, and she nods. She knows. Even as the cries of the lost boys drift into the room from above deck and the jungle beyond, she knows. 

She turns in his arms, tucking her hands beneath her cheek so she can see him, follow the outline of his jaw and neck in the moonlight that steals through the drawn curtains. Even his silhouette is beautiful, the light playing over the edges of his skin, turning it almost iridescent, and making her want to reach out and trace the curve of his bare shoulder and arm where the shadows suggest shapes in the dark. 

“You are too, you know.” Killian might be one of the bravest people she’s ever met, but she knows that Pan terrifies him. And today he pissed him off - because she asked him to. “If Pan wants any of you he’s gonna have to go through me first.” Bold words as they hide beneath the covers like children hoping they won’t be found.

She doesn’t have to see his eyebrow tick up to know that it is. “Aye?”

“I’m scarier than I look.” He bites down on a laugh or a teasing comment. Her fingers found their way to his elbow at some point - she hadn’t meant to. They follow the line of his bicep, his shoulder. “I can keep you all safe.” Her voice nearly breaks on the last word - because she has to. Henry, Killian, Wendy, Will, she needs all of them to survive this. She’s lost everyone she’s cared about. She won’t add them to the list.

His finger is gentle beneath her chin as hers dance across his collarbone and she lifts her gaze to the pale blue that shines even in the dim light. “We’ll keep each other safe then,” he offers like a compromise and she nods. She can do that. 

She doesn’t have to ask if he’s going to kiss her this time, and she doesn’t care enough to be conflicted by the fact that she wants him to - not here in the dark where her doubts can’t find her. His hand slides over her cheek, fingers tracing the shell of her ear to curl around the nape of her neck, like he’s mapping his way to her by touch. When he draws her in she goes willingly, mouth meeting his like muscle memory, the heat and feel and taste of him a familiar temptation that she could find blind.

He hums low in the back of his throat when her lips part beneath his in invitation, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tongue hot and slow against hers, using his hooked arm to pull her close, legs tangling beneath the sheets. She’s on goddamn fire as he continues to touch her with nothing but his hand in her hair, lips not straying from hers, and it’s not fucking fair because nobody should be able to push all of her buttons and make her want them so badly without even trying. And he’s not trying. This is just… how he is with her, how they are together and it’s maddening and intoxicating and she wonders if it’s always like this when you care. 

Fuck. The thought stops her. Fuck, she cares. She cares if he lives or dies - if something were to happen to him… If it happened because of her, she doesn’t -

“Are you alright, love?” The words are spoken against her lips. No, she’s absolutely not. But she’s not dealing with that right now. She doesn’t want to deal with how or why or when she ended up caring so fucking much, what it could do to her, like it’s done so many times before. She shakes her head, ignoring his question, both her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him back to her, mouth slanting over his in a silent sort of plea. He returns it, though his kiss is gentler than hers, softer and less urgent than it had been a moment ago and her heart and mind grow a bit less frantic. 

He changes the pace, slowing her, calming her, Emma sinking into the purposeful slide of his mouth and tongue and the tug of his fingers in her hair. He pulls away, their breath shallow and he finds her eyes in the dark again. The shadows don’t let her read his expression, but he must see something in hers because his hand slips from her hair, following the strands down her back to her waist where it flattens against her hip, slipping beneath the fabric of her stolen shirt. He moves so slowly, like he expects her to stop him, or he’s just giving her the chance to, but the heat of his palm trailing up her side is the most agonizing kind of torment and she bites hard on her lip to keep from begging as he inches across her skin.

When his hand finds her breast she lets him swallow the gasp that escapes her and the small curse she lets out when his thumb rolls over her nipple. She breathes his name when he continues to touch her, her nails digging into the back of his shoulders when he moves to nip and lick at the pulse point of her neck. He releases her only long enough to work the few buttons of her shirt open and then his mouth is on her breast and the room fills with her poorly silenced gasps and pleas as he teases her with teeth and tongue. 

She’s grateful when he kisses her again, just as his fingers trail over her stomach and dip between her legs, muffling the sound that would have alerted anyone still awake to exactly what was taking place in the dark of the cabin. His touch is fucking perfect, like he’d watched her in that fairy field where he talked her over the edge because ever stroke and curl and thrust is exactly what she likes, exactly what she needs and she knows it won’t take long. 

Killian falters when she reaches for him, fingers sliding into the soft, slippery fabric of his pants and finding him hard and straining in her hand. He bites out her name like a curse when she strokes him and he tries and fails to regain his composure. When her mouth claims his he groans into the kiss, his fingers matching the pace she sets with her hand on him and the roll of her hips. His thumb finds her clit and she bites his lip at the meticulousness of his touch, determined and fervid and she thinks he must be close too if he’s trying to send her over the edge so urgently.

Her free hand is vice-like in his hair, holding him to her as they whisper hushed gasps and curses into each other’s mouths and Emma has to turn her head into his shoulder, teeth sinking into his skin as she feels her climax building, hips rocking frantically as he brings her higher and higher. Her grip on his cock tightens, her strokes faster as she nears that edge. His words fall out in a choked mix of encouragement and pleasure, beard rough against her skin, breath hot on her neck, until she feels him tense against her. He groans a muffled ‘fuck, please, Swan,’ against her throat, fingers curling and urging and then she’s coming, back arching and her cry cut off by his mouth on hers before she feels him spill himself in her hand. 

“Fuck,” Killian curses, low and breathless in the stillness of the Neverland night. She doesn’t have any words, heart still racing and eyes still shut tight, her body feeling like it’s going to float away despite the heaviness in her limbs. She tugs his mouth back to hers with the grip she still has on his hair and the groan he lets out almost makes her feel bad, exhaustion and desperation and desire wrapped into one, low sound. 

He kisses her again, lips moving to her neck, her shoulder, her breast, and she’s about to warn him not to start something he can’t finish as the low hum of warmth settles over her skin, but then his fingers tug the edges of her shirt closed gently, pressing one last kiss to her mouth before standing and retrieving a cloth.

“Was that one of the things you had in mind?” she teases when she hands it back to him and he discards it. Her voice is still breathless and strained as he climbs back into the bed, sliding beneath the covers and taking her hand in his. She watches as he raises it to his lips, placing a kiss to the center of her palm and then weaving his fingers through hers. She tries not to let her heart grow frantic with the mix of fear and longing that surges when he lets their entwined hands rest in the bare space between them. 

“That was… wholly unexpected,” he rasps, thick with sleep and sex. She thinks his eyes are drifting shut, the strain of the day finally taking him even as his thumb strokes carefully over the back of hers, slower and slower as he’s pulled under. 

She watches him for a moment longer, making out the line of his brow and cheek in the dark, the steady rise and fall of his chest, more relaxed than she’s ever seen him. And as she pulls his hand to her mouth, lips settling against the cool metal of his rings, she knows exactly what he means. 

***

Emma wakes to a hand pressed firmly over her mouth, her eyes darting open in panic, muscles tensed, braced for a fight. But where she expects an intruder she finds only Killian, face close to hers, finger held to his lips, and she’d fucking deck him for scaring the shit out of her like this if it weren’t for the seriousness of his expression, the fear he just barely hides beneath the command. She knows that fear can only mean one thing, even before he whispers it into the darkness, eyes darting towards the ceiling, to the deck above them.

Pan.

******

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[bearhugsandshrugs]

BG3 Kinktober Recap

Phew. Kinktober 2023 for Baldur's Gate 3 is nearly over and I wanted to share some stats!

75 prompts were submitted

31 participants joined

61 works were created

over 221,000 words were written

This was the first time I ever ran any kind of challenge and I'm absolutely blown away by what we created here. Thank you so much to everyone who participated, whether by prompts or fills (or both), I appreciate you all so much.

Anyone seeing this for the first time: Please go check out the amazing works that were created this month!!!

Note: the public stats on the Collection are different from what I can see on the backend (at least for the number of people who signed up, but here I'm not sure if this is prompt givers vs. writers).

I'm adding some reflections on the Challenge under the cut and am inviting anyone who participated to share theirs as well! Please tag/reblog if you do, would love to see your thoughts.

First, the set up: Setting up this promptmeme challenge and collection on AO3 wasn't great. I don't think it was very intuitive, so it took me a good 2 hours to figure it out, with some tweaking here and there afterwards. But don't be discouraged! Once you know what to do it's alright. Feel free to message me with questions if anyone wants to run a similar challenge on AO3.

Some notes: I could have included an email but that would have been public and I wasn't really sure if I wanted that. I could have added mods to this challenge and probably should have, because my idea to check every submittal crumbled on Day 2 lol.

Overall people kept submitting prompts after prompts, especially after brainstorming sessions on discord servers, which I guess is the nature of this. I initally added several free forms and prompts to kick it off, but quickly there were more prompts than people available to claim, which is the nature of such challenges I guess. Many things were also submitted several times because people wouldn't check past prompts. I could have moderated this better but didn't have enough time, tbh.

Most fills were created in the first half of the month. There are still 28 unfilled claims that I don't expect to get filled, which is okay (I also had to drop a few claims because I overestimated my ability to fill them). Generally, for AO3, this is not ideal: since it's AO3 personally I felt more obligated to write fics, rather than drabbles, and of course that takes so much more time than drabbling short ficlets. Wish I would have specified this differently in the beginning.

Some personal thoughts from my poor writer brain:

I am such an insecure weak ass person, lol. I felt obligated to a fault to fill everything I claimed, dropped several prompts far too late, and completely soured my joy in writing smut in the process. I think I wrote too many fills in too short a time frame. I didn't enjoy the challenge as much as I could have as a result. This isn't on anyone in particular other than me, but I thought I would share in case anyone else struggled. Instead of claiming things I knew I could write well I constantly took prompts that were challenging (too challenging at times), including characters I rarely write or scenarios I wasn't particularly able to craft well (I know people enjoyed my fics but I guess I could have done better work with less pressure). I'm not sure why I did this. I think the prompts were just so great that the idea of filling sounded easier to me than actually doing the work LOL. I don't regret it, to be clear. I simply could have been better at going at this.

Promoting this was also something I should have done more, but my blog isn't really big (and that's fine) and to this day I keep forgetting adding my tumblr/discord underneath the AO3 fics I publish.

I really should not have worked on two series while doing Kinktober. It was distracting, in all directions. I still hope I did the fills, Keeping Score and Til Death justice. I love all my fic children equally.

So, what's next?

I know there's a huge demand for promptmeme challenges and people really want to send in prompts and places to fill. At the same time consistently checking prompts (and fills) to see if something is included that doesn't align with my values feels very intimidating, at least for me alone (I've been in fandoms for almost two decades, I know that at some point, something horrible will pop up in prompts or fills. I've seen it before, and it would anger me to no end if I would miss, say, a transphobic prompt or fill in my collection).

If anyone has ideas/suggestions/thoughts on that, please let me know.

As always, my DMs and Asks are open to chat!

Thank you again to everyone who participated. You're rockstars.

– Em

[lynxgirlpaws]

♥ lynxgirlpaws tubmlr ♥

Hey y'all ! Welcome to my silly little tumblr. I uh. I do stuff sometimes, uhm. Feel free to hang around !! . T. There's some info u. under the cut i. if you ca re. Oh ueah if you follow me a. and You're under 18 or don't have an age in your bio,. I'm gonna block you immediately. Like, instantly. Okay thankgs.

Hey!! uh,. so. I'm a Girl [recent update] who . does YouTube . and the doodles. uh. S. So here's that stuff about me I promised!! ♥ I !!! Use She/Her !! I won't die if you use they but y'know. girl. ♥ I am . 18. My birht day is on the 20th of June !! ♥ I live in. Connecticut. ♥ I used to be RamenBoy21 before the whole Girl thing so. If you were wondering where my old blog came from , hi ! I'm here now !! sorry for leaving ! ♥ I am ! African American ! (My Dad's Black and Mom was White [As German as an American can claim to be] for anyone curious. Nein, meine deutsch ist nicht sehr gut. Es tut mir leid) ♥ Oh yeah I'm bisexual! Like. I like people. All the people. Have you ever seen them? People. Prredty /w\ ♥ I am absolputely a girlfailure . Just. Trust me on this. I'm like if they made a girl that really sucks lol Okay. With that out of the way... now for . Uh. Links !!! If you wanna find/support me off of Tumblr! YouTube - I make silly little videos. Currently working on a Friendlocke I did a few months back with some pals, and singleplayer Vic2 stuff but. There'll be more in the future - and there's a lot of old stuff on there so. Feel free to check that out ! SFTV Lounge [Discord] - The silly little discord me and my pals own !! feel free to join . always good to have more cool people in there, y'know? BlueSky - I have not used this in literal months but. I deleted Twitter so like. It's the alternative lol If I make any other social medias I!! will update this!! And... now here's stuff for if you wanna find me here on Tumblr !! Accounts- Firstly,,, my NSFT Alt! - Sorry chat, I'm not gonna be horny on main. But, if you click that link, you can't be mad if I talk about dick or nuts or pussy or boobs. You just cannot be upset. them's the rules Tags- #AskAvie - I couldn't think of a better asks tag. It's alliteration. I'm sorry. You're always welcome to send me asks btw !! #AvieDoodles - Well I can't use RamenDoodles anymore. For reasons obvious in the rant. So... AvieDoodles? It doesn't work as well. But it has to work. I'm never gonna call it drawing properly, that makes it seem way higher quality than it is lmfao #AvieRants - I used to call when I'd ventpost Ramen Rants... so. AvieRants will be an ACTUAL tag you can block. I should come up with better names eventually. So yeah!! That's ! My silly little tumblr page! I. I still don't know how to properly make pinned posts but. This one seems good enough so uh, .yeah!! Hope you enjoy my dumb little corner of the internet! Have a lovely day! ^^

[sluggybasson107]

Life chat

Hey! Um I’ve been absent for a long time and haven’t really posted about it. Although I think I’m ready to talk about it now? I think this is just a ramble about where my minds been at for some time.

Tw for chronic pain/illness, depression

As someone who deals with two chronic illnesses, it’s been hard to make content and talk online. My pain makes real life tasks such as work and chatting consume all of my energy. Even though I think about Digimon more than ever, it’s harder to find energy to go on tumblr/discord and talk about it.

In the past, the Digimon community has been an escape for me. A place where I don’t have chronic pain and depression. Unfortunately, these two issues have been strong enough to affect my activity in the online sphere, which makes me really sad. I had plans to do a redesign series for Tri (I love the movies, but I can admit the designs can be lacking near the end), an animatic for one of my favorite characters, and memes of the tamers and frontiers kids…but I just feel so worn out.

Right, so the main reason why I haven’t been here is unfortunately depression. Its gotten tough the past year and a half. I’m in therapy and have the Finch app to try combating this, but I’ve still had really rough periods that last around a month. My friends are aware and I’m currently doing better than a couple months ago, but I can’t help but feel absolutely exhausted from trying to do daily tasks.

Combine this with my chronic pain and I’ve just been a mess lol. I’ve had a couple of moments where I’ve snapped at irl friends from my frustrations and anger at my own limitations, which gave me lots of social anxiety with interacting and talking. I’m scared of being sad and negative all the time and dragging others down. I’m at a period where I want to reach out to others again and talk, but I’m scared.

I’m usually someone who thrives on social interactions and is great at reaching out to others online and irl to meet people, so it’s really weird for me to feel scared talking to others. I think my anxiety is now even worse online because I haven’t been supporting people here on tumblr and discord because I’ve been overwhelmed with the backlog of stuff I’ve missed. I feel so guilty. I’ve gotten notified about new chapters of my absolute FAVORITE fics, yet I can’t open a tab and give it a try.

I don’t know, I’m just kind of lost and trying to find balance in stormy waters. If I repetitively back online then disappear, that’s why.

I hope you’re doing well. I care about you all so I’m sorry if I came off as distant and upset. Thank you for reading my silly post 💛

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Communication in the RPC is so fickle. Hypocrites everywhere tbh and it's a shame that you were one of them. When you suddenly removed me from all contact, discord and Tumblr without a word despite being real friendly a few days prior, I have to admit I was surprised and a little taken aback by it. Not a single word, no conversation, no nothing about what could have caused it or why but I can take a gaze. I'm pretty sure I did 0 of the things you mentioned that would warrant a soft or hard block in your rules list but oh well. I'm not one who can say for sure because you didn't say a thing. Maybe it's better that way. While you're not obligated to tell me everything, it definitely sent a message to me. All your talk about communication and working things out and checking in of something really bothered you lol and how you're an adult on these matters. I know how you treated a friend of mine, I know how you did this to another mutuals too despite her being very clear about what was going on in her life on dash. While I'm all for unfollowing if you feel like things aren't working because of lacking engagement, comfort and so on-- you were a hypocrite. You ask for communication and offer none yourself, this told me all I need to know about you and that most of your talk about communication was pretty much bullshit. Unfortunate, I was fond of you as a friend despite how spotty and slow I've been through the years. If you expected me to come to you via Tumblr IMs and ask you why you did any of that? You immediately messed that right up by unadding me without a single word. Like I said, it told me everything I need to know. It's a surefire way to make sure I never reach out to you again and if that was your intent, good work. If not, that's in you. Only you can fix it now so I'll level this in your play field-- you come to me if you want change, I want chase you in part to respect your clear intent, but also because you're the one who walked off. You can walk back on your own. I'm not interested in power plays, and that sort of thing always struck me that way. Maybe I feel that way because of terrible past experiences with deranged mutuals who would pull that stunt and it developed into a toxic harassment shit storm aimed at me. I believe you're at least better than that, but who knows for sure. What I can't stand is someone who, rp partner or friend, talks so much about communication and wanting to make sure things work or that we part on an okay note, only to be an outright hypocrite about it and ghost without a word. After nearly two years of associating with you in the RPC, I now know that you were kind of two faced on this, and that your own rules don't really apply to you despite what you said. You make sure they're applied to everyone else, and act like you have to play no part in crossing this two-way street. If I hurt you or pissed you off; certainly can't help you now. If you wanted something that I lacked the ability to provide for some time because I've been struggling to be around, do anything on this cesssite where I too have been let down and burnt out-- I'm sorry at least on that. make of that what you will, you've already made your choice.