#maybe depression

[kimquatz]

jinyan ? miaoshen ?

either way. Look at him.

[q1mblrrd]

object permeance with basic human needs

[wrongwiredmind]

Quick, rather urgent question,

How do I stop deadly intrusive thoughts from invading my mind?

I don't usually care about their existence but they're wasting precious time at the moment, so I need them to take a break for, like a week or so?

And while you're at it, does anyone know how could I increase my focus? Cause it's seriously out of whack, I didn't even open tumblr for maybe a month in the useless hope of it being a reason of my "distraction" but I can guarantee it isn't, so...

Anyone got an advice?

[ionomycin]

temple at the end of the road

[i-will-just-nyom-bi]

I'm having like, a serious problem.

Basically, I start to avoid activities I'm batshit about, that shape my personality. I literally lie to skip a 2 hour rehearsal with the orchestra, even tho I like it so much and I meet my friends there.

I faked a stomach ache to get away from karate training, even tho I have an exam to black belt in less than half a month.

What's happening? Why do I ignore things I enjoyed?

I'm starting to have massive anxiety attacks. I don't want to be in places with more than 4 close people. I don't go out with friends anymore!

Anyway, I really need something to do about it. I have a black belt exam! How can I not prepare for it??

[apollolewis]

Sometimes I contemplate seeing a psychological. The nurses always ask if I feel “down, sad or depressed” at the doctors but I don’t know what exactly they mean. Like sometimes, shit happens but sometimes I just get really sad and feel like I’m my existence is worthless for no actual reason. I don’t think that’s normal but I only know what it’s like to be in my head so not quite sure what’s normal. That’s different for everyone.

[sleeplessv0id]

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

[baihujun]

NEON RED // NEON STATE // NEON BLADE

Reposting these old pieces in honor of Jason's birthday

[the-rainbow-of-doom]

(This post was sponsored by a 1+ hour commute)

[indigoipsum]

I have been. So so sleepy lately

[mavigator]

i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.

yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.

he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.

i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.

i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .

[bamsara]

you know what i mean

[gascreates]

^^ infectious

[thebibliosphere]

"Hi, I bought your book and read it in two hours!" remains one of the most flattering and terrifying messages you can send me.

Who are you people? What old god did you sell your soul to that you can read that fast? That's 500 pages! I mean, good job, but holy shit.

[evermorepeyton]

this legitimately healed me

[spicyvampire]

Great's reaction to Tyme touching him

4MINUTES (2024) EP. 6

+ Bonus : When Tyme let go