#me to get too comfortable to feel too safe too happy and it’ll all come crashing down again it’s just miserable

[milo-is-rambling]

This image speaks to me

[scribblesofagoonerr]

You're just like them | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

pairings: leah williamson x reader!monkey x reader!buddy x jordan nobbs

summary: monkey is unhappy to spend the night round jordan's for the first time since the transfer to aston villa and she makes her feelings known

double the trouble masterlist

also thank you to @alotofpockets for help with pics for the header + little ideas to add in along the way

“No,” The words out of your mouth were sharp, you folded your arms across your chest and shook your head stubbornly. You were known to be stubborn at times and today was certainly no different.

“It won’t be that bad,” Leah tried again, her tone being gentle but firm, “And you won’t be on your own, Buddy will be there with you as well.” She pointed out, motioning to your favourite little buddy that is bouncing around happily, blissfully unaware of the tension in the room.

“We’re goin’ to Mama’s house!” Buddy chimed in cheerfully, “Monkey ‘ou can see Blu too!” She’s far more excited about this decision than you are, but then again you suppose she’s used to being there more frequently than you, in fact you’ve not actually been to Jordan’s new place so you have no clue what it’s even like, “I show ‘ou all of my toys!”

“See? Buddy’s excited,” Leah said, motioning to your favourite little buddy with a hopeful smile, “It’ll be fun to be there together!”

“Nope, nuh uh!” You insisted, shaking your head harder, “I don’t wanna go there!”

Leah pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling a deep sigh, “Monkey, please. I know you don’t want to go, but I would feel more reassured to know you were there–”

“I don’t get why I can’t just come? I’m almost 18!” You interjected, throwing your hands up in the air, “It’s only another month away, it won’t matter!”

“The keyword is that being almost there, Menace,” Leah chuckled, shaking her head in amusement, “Maybe next year my girl, eh?” She joked, ruffling your hair.

“Get off,” You grumbled and tried to dodge her hand from touching your hair still, “I don’t want to go there!”

Tonight was Leah’s birthday party since she couldn’t celebrate much when it was her actual birthday, so the celebrations were delayed until tonight at least.

You were gutted you weren’t allowed to go, sometimes it sucked to not be an adult yet.

Despite your determination to try and change Leah’s mind, she wasn’t overly thrilled with the idea of you coming into a club while being under the age limit and therefor, had the brilliant idea to all but ship you and Buddy off to Jordan’s much to your absolute detest about it 

Hence the whole argument at that current moment that you’re having with her after she’s just dropped the bombshell on you about going there.

“I know you’re not happy about this my girl but it’s just for tonight,” Leah began to speak, “And yes I’m aware you’re almost 18 now but I’m sorry, you’re not staying in the house alone, I don’t know what time I’ll be back and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you were somewhere that I knew you were safe, okay?” She told you firmly, but there’s a hint of a smile on her lips.

“But why do I have to go there though?” You huffed and stomped around in strong disagreement, you definitely weren’t going to agree to going there against your own will, “I’m not going and you can’t make me!”

“Monkey, come on. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Leah exhaled a sigh and rested her hands on her hips, “Jordan’s really looking forward to spending time with you both as well.”

“I don’t care, I’m not going! Why can’t I just go to Kim’s house? Or even Wally’s?” You demanded, scrunching your face up in confusion, “Or there’s even Beth and Viv’s as well!”

“Because they will all be coming to the party tonight,” Leah explained patiently, her tone calm despite your attitude overall as she continued to fold a set of Buddy’s clothes and put them in her overnight bag fresh out of the washing basket, “Jordan’s really looking forward to spending time with you and Buddy. It’s been a while since you’ve properly seen her.”

A groan escaped your lips, your frustration bubbling over, “Yeah and there’s been a reason for that,” You murmured, hopping up onto the counter definitely.

“Oi, off there,” Leah swatted at your knee, just like she always does but now you just do it to purposely wind her up, “Will you please just give her a chance?”

Rolling your eyes, you hopped off the kitchen counter, “I don’t want to go, Le,” You mumbled, still standing firm in your protest as you lean up against it and cross your arms.

Leah exhaled a sigh, biting her lip, “Look, I know you’re not thrilled about it, but it’s only for one night–”

 “One night?” You repeated, your eyes widening, “One night? Nah, there’s no fuckin’ way I’m going there and staying overnight! No! You can fuck off if you think I’m doin’ that, Leah!” You hadn’t meant to swear, but you couldn’t help your initial reaction at that very moment, “I thought that I would at least be able to come home tonight after you’re back!”

You especially hadn’t meant to do it in front of Buddy and her little ears.

Buddy gasped, her little eyes wide as saucers, “Monkey, ‘ou said bad words!”

“Tattletale,” You murmured, rolling your eyes.

“Excuse me?” Leah’s eyes narrowed, flashing with anger suddenly. You guess you did just swear at her, what other type of reaction did you expect?

“You’re excused,” You replied, a cocky smile plastered over your face, “I’m not goin’ there!”

“Yes you are,” Leah snapped, her patience now wearing thin, “I get that you’re annoyed and upset about this, but I am definitely not going to stand here and allow you to swear at me like that and think you can get away with it. You don’t have a choice in this, you’re the child and I’m the adult and what I say goes, understood?”

“Urgh, whatever. It wasn’t even directed at you!” You grumbled, completely lying through your teeth but you didn’t want to make the situation worse for yourself, the blonde looked pissed as it was already, “I’m not goin’ there and you can’t make me!”

Leah’s jaw tightened, you can see a flicker of hurt flash across her face, but it’s quickly replaced by the stern expression she usually reserves for you when you’ve pushed things too far, “Monkey,” She said, her voice low and controlled, “You’re going to Jordan’s and that’s final. End of discussion.”

“No I’m not!” You shouted, frustration boiling over, “I don’t even care what you say, she abandoned us– she abandoned me! I’m not goin’ there and you can’t make me!”

The words hung heavy in the air, and for a second, there was silence. Even Buddy seemed to sense the shift in the room, her little face wrinkling with confusion.

“Hey, bubba,” Leah turned her full attention to the little one in the room, very much aware this is a sensitive topic to be discussed around her, “Why don’t you go and choose what toys that you want to take to Mama's house when we go there, huh?” She suggested.

“Yeah!” Buddy’s shout was electrifying, not wasting the time to toddle into the living room and seek out the toys that she wants to bring with her for the unexpected sleepover at Jordan’s house.

Leah took a deep breath, trying to steady herself and you can see the conflict in her eyes, the way she’s fighting between anger and empathy, “Monkey, it wasn’t like that,” She finally said, softer now, “Jord didn’t abandon you. You know she didn’t leave you because she wanted to hurt you, she had to make a choice based on her career and sure, it was a difficult one, but it was something that she needed to do but it wasn’t about her not caring, my girl.”

“But she left us… She left without even thinking twice about it!” You snapped back, your voice trembling with emotion you hadn’t expected to feel, “I asked her to not go and she still did!”

All throughout your life, you have had endless people walking in and out of it.

Your mum abandoned you when you were little and your dad couldn’t wait to wash his hands off you the minute that he could. The 2 most important people in your life just decided to up and leave you, just like that.

It’s one of the many reasons why you keep your walls built up so high because then at least nobody can knock them down and hurt you again, right?

You learned to trust people more when you signed for Arsenal and moved in with Leah and Jordan at the start, you opened up to people who you thought would never leave you, all of them stayed apart from one.

Jordan.

It hurt more than it should’ve done, it just really stung.

The separation between Leah and Jordan was a completely mutual decision between the two of them and you could understand that, in fact even when Jordan moved into a place in London, you would still go there and visit, even spend a few nights there with herself and Buddy when you could.

However, things turned sour when you learnt of the woman’s plans to transfer to Aston Villa in the Winter transfer and from there, you found yourself pushing her away.

If you pushed her away then it would save you from getting hurt too much when you eventually didn’t see her, right?

Wrong.

The day of the move, you found yourself crying and begging her to stay, but she never did.

She left you, she left you and Buddy, and even Leah to some extent.

You couldn’t help but resent her for that now if you’re being honest.

Leah sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over her face as if trying to rub away the tension, “I know it feels like that, my girl,” She said softly, “I know it hurts and I wish I could do anything to make it better, but sometimes people have to make choices that don’t always make sense to us. It doesn’t mean that Jord doesn’t care though, you know she loves both you and Buddy, so much!”

“Well it doesn’t feel like she cares nor can she love us that much if she just chooses to willingly go,” You murmured, shoving your hands in the pockets of your shorts.

“No matter what you think, you know deep down that Jordan does care about you, a whole damn lot,” Leah explained to you gently, her eyes softened ever so slightly, “She didn’t want to go, it was just… look, sometimes life just doesn’t give us the easy option.” 

You continued to scowl, stubbornness etched into your every feature, “Yeah if she really did care then she would’ve stayed, regardless of that and whatever.” You can’t say you’re in the mood to listen, to rationalise, or to forgive. As far as you’re concerned, Jordan chose her career over you, she abandoned you and there’s no good enough excuse for that.

“Look, my girl, I know this isn’t something that you want to do and I know you’re still upset with her about things,” Leah knew this isn’t something that’s going to be fixed with words, but she has to try at least, “I’m not saying you have to forgive her today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon, but I do need you to go there, and just… just give it a chance, please?”

“I… I don’t want to go,” You murmured quietly, shaking your head in defiance. The mere thought of it filled you with resentment.

The blonde exhaled a sigh and ran her hand through her hair, “Please? Just do it for me,” She pauses, “Jord really is looking forward to spending some time with you.” She added.

You let out a derisive scoff, the bitterness evident in your voice, “The feelings’ not mutual there,” You retorted, refusing to meet Leah’s gaze, “Please don’t make me go, Le.”

Leah’s eyes softened with a mix of pleading and resolve, “Do it for Buddy, if not for me.”

The mention of Buddy stung, she didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this but of course Leah knows that you would do absolutely anything for your favourite little buddy.

“Fine,” You snapped, pushing yourself off the counter with a huff, “I’ll go there, but don’t expect me to be happy there!”

Leah nodded, relief evident in her eyes despite the tension, “That’s all I’m asking for, my girl,” She said softly, “Just a chance.”

The initial drive to Jordan’s place was mostly filled with a tense silence, apart from Buddy’s cheerful singing from her car seat to none other than the soundtrack of North London Forever that she surprisingly asked for herself and of course Leah was quick to agree to the request. 

You keep your gaze stubbornly fixed out of the window, refusing to look at Leah or engage in any conversation and the blonde, thankfully senses your mood and doesn’t push further, already exhausted from trying to reason with you.

“Alright then, we’re here,” Leah announced, trying to keep the mood cheerful as she glanced between you in the passenger seat and the rear view mirror to see Buddy vibrating with excitement in her car seat.

“Fantastic,” You murmured, your stomach tightening in resentment as you stared out the window, not wanting to move out of your seat.

“Mama!” Buddy squealed from the back of the car, all but trying to unbuckle her own car seat much to her disappointment of not being able to, “Mummy, wan’ out!” She whined in frustration.

“Hold on a second bubba,” Leah chuckled at your favourite little buddy’s general lack of patience, “Mummy will help you to get out in a minute.” She added.

“Do I really have to be here?” You asked, frowning as you looked at Leah for a response, which you definitely already knew the answer to.

“You already know my answer to that,” Leah retorted, exhaling a sigh as she turned the car ignition off before unbuckling her seatbelt, “It’s just one night.” She reminded you.

“Worth a shot I guess,” You huffed in response and slowly moved to unbuckle your own seatbelt.

“It won’t be that bad,” Leah attempted to reassure you, giving you a soft smile before she opened her car door and climbed out of it to walk round to the side Buddy is to set her free from her car seat, “Right then, my little bubba. Are you ready to go and see your Mama?”

“I see Mama!” Buddy shouted excitedly as Leah unbuckled her and lifted her up to place her on the ground, “Mama! Mama!” She continued to squeal in delight.

“Yeah, we’re gonna go and find Mama,” Leah smiled genuinely at her 2 year old’s excitement as she held her in her arms as she turned back to look to where you’re still sat in the car, “You’re going to have to get out sooner rather than later, you know?” She told you, amusedly.

“I choose later,” You murmured, barely louder than a whisper, reluctant to climb out of the car any time soon, “Better yet, I’ll just stay in here and come back home with you.”

Leah exhaled a sigh and opened the car door, “Get out of the car, Menace,” She paused as she adjusted Buddy to sit on her hip, “Come on, just give it a chance, please?” She asked.

“Don’t have a choice,” You grumbled under your breath as you slowly climbed out of the car and stood there with your hands shoved in your pocket while you looked further unimpressed, “Are you sure I can’t come tonight? Nobody would even notice I was there, it’ll be fine!”

“No,” Leah kept a firm face as she slammed the car door shut behind you, locking her BMW before starting to walk up the steps of Jordan’s house, who had already clocked the car and came to answer the front door, “Bubba, look it is!”

“Mama! Mama!” Buddy immediately leaned towards Jordan the minute that she clocked her and you couldn’t help but dawdle behind with a scowl etched on your face.

“Hi, Buddy!” Jordan exclaimed, reaching out to scoop Buddy into her own arms as she hugged her gently, “I’ve missed you so so much!”

“Mama you’re silly, you saw me yesterday!” Buddy’s giggles were infectious as she reminded Jordan that she did indeed see her yesterday, having it be your favourite little buddy’s birthday yesterday when she finally turned 2 years old.

“Oh of course I did but I miss you all the time,” Jordan retorted playfully as she tickled Buddy under her armpits which caused the 2 year old to laugh even more, “Or is that not allowed now?”

“Where Blu?” The 2 year old asked eager to see the little four legged dachshund and you must admit that you’ve been excited to see him if anything else.

“He’s inside the house and he’s so excited to see you both,” Jordan told the toddler, placing her down on the ground before she toddles inside the house, “Hiya, little one!”

“Don’t call me that,” You said like the words are venomous to you in that moment.

“Oh, sorry,” Jordan was immediately apologetic as she shared a concerned look with Leah, “It’s so great to have you both here, I, er, I didn’t think you would come.” She admitted, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Yeah well I didn’t want to be here, but well, I wasn’t given much choice about it regardless,” You grumbled the truth and continued with your carefree attitude you have going on.

“Monkey, don’t be rude,” Leah chided you for your lack of manners, giving you a pointed look.

“What? I’m just being truthful!” You mumbled, shrugging your shoulders carelessly, “I told you I would come but I didn’t say I’d be nice about things.” You added, honestly.

Leah pursed her lips and narrowed her eyebrow, “Hey, come on. We talked about this.”

“Be grateful I’m even here,” You murmured in response, choosing to have more interest with your phone in your hand than to look between the two old, “Cos’ I really don’t wanna be.”

“Enough of this,” Leah scolded you, “This is Jord’s home and you need to at least be respectful of that, regardless whether you want to be here or not, okay? I don’t want to hear about you being rude this time that you’re here!”

“Ugh, whatever,” You brushed past the older women inside the house with your hood up and slumped down on the sofa.

“Look Monkey it’ Blu!” Buddy motioned to the small dachshund puppy that you hadn’t seen in a good while and you did have to admit that you missed him an awful lot.

“Hi boy! Hi!” You crouched down and gave the puppy some fuss, “Oh, I have missed you!”

“I’m sorry about her,” Leah apologised for your rude behaviour, “She’s just… well she’s a teenager for a start and she’s still not exactly handling it well that you’re not just five minutes down the road now.”

“That’s okay, I know what she’s like. Monkey’s stubborn and if she doesn’t want to do something then she won’t, will she?” Jordan retorted, exhaling a sigh, “She really didn’t want to come that bad, huh?”

The blonde bit her bottom lip and shook her head, “I’m sorry Jord, but I’m sure things will get better. You just have to give it time and be patient with her, even if it’s difficult.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine,” Jordan replied, smiling at her ex girlfriend, “I can understand if she’s still upset about me moving to Aston Villa, I guess it’s just a lot to handle for her, huh?”

Leah shared a weary smile with her ex girlfriend, “If it gets too much then let me know and I’ll have a word with her, because despite how she feels, she’s not allowed to be rude.” She made her point evidently clear.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Jordan reassured Leah with a soft smile, “You deserve to have the night off and enjoy your party tonight, don’t worry about either of the kids, they’ll be fine.”

“It's not so much Buddy I’m worried about, it’s more so Monkey,” Leah admitted, shaking her head as she jiggled her car keys in her hand, “I’ve already dealt with both her delightful attitude and language before we left the house and she knows I’m not putting up with it.”

“Oh, bad morning?” Jordan winced in response, “I had no idea moving to another club would have this much effect on her.” She admitted, ultimately regretting the decision there at that very moment.

“It’s a change and Monkey doesn’t cope with them but she’ll get used to it, Jord,” Leah reassured her ex girlfriend, “It just means things around the house are a little bit tense right now, but she’ll get used to it soon enough.”

“But in the meantime you get the brunt of her delightful teenage attitude? That’s not right,” Jordan frowned, hating the idea of you taking most of your anger out on the blonde, “I’m sorry you're having to deal with that.”

“It’s alright, I totally expected it honestly,” Leah admitted as she exhaled a sigh, “It won’t last forever and she knows I won’t stand for it, I was this close to grounding her after she swore at me earlier.” She adds, her patience wearing thin for your lovely words directed towards her.

“Understandable,” Jordan smiled wearily as she scratched the back of her neck, “I don’t have much hope to fix everything in an instant but I can at least try my hardest.” She tells her.

“Just don’t give up on her,” Leah told her as she shared a knowing look with Jordan as she popped her head into the living room and smiled when she saw you’ve joined Buddy on the floor to give Blu some fuss, “Seems just like old times, eh?” She joked, gesturing for Jordan to look in the living room.

“I swear I have a photo identical to this taken last year,” Jordan joked lightly as she moved further into the living room, “I was thinking that we could have pasta for dinner tonight? Monkey, I know it’s one of your favourites… unless it’s changed?” She asked, hesitant for the backlash from you.

“No thanks, I’m not hungry,” You respond politely as you could while seeing the warning luck that Leah is giving you in case you comment something less polite.

“Monkey, you didn’t eat much for breakfast nor did you have anything for lunch,” Leah frowned and shook her head, “You love pasta, especially the way Jord makes it!”

“Not hungry,” You repeated with a tight lipped smile on your face, going back to staring at your phone in your hand and scrolling through Instagram.

“That’s okay,” Jordan agreed with you, “I’ll go ahead and start to make it, I’ll leave some out for you in case you decide you're a bit hungry.” She told you, although you doubt you would want to eat it.

“Right then,” Leah spoke up as she looked towards both you and Buddy, “I’m going to head off back home to get ready, I’ll leave you three to it.”

“Thanks, Le,” Jordan replied, smiling at her ex, “I hope you enjoy your party tonight and celebrate.”

“Oh I intend too,” Leah couldn’t help but grin playfully at her ex, “Much better to know that the girls are both here with you as well.” She added.

“They’re safe with me,” Jordan promised, “Enjoy your party and don’t worry about things here, it’ll be fine.”

“Here’s hoping so– Monkey, be good!” Leah warned, pointing her index finger directly at you, “Remember what I said.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You murmured, rolling your eyes.

“Mummy, wait for me. I didn’t say bye to you!” Buddy came rushing over to Leah and threw her little arms around her.

“Oh how could I leave without saying bye to my little bubba?” Leah leaned down and cupped Buddy’s face in her hands before she peppered her face with kisses, “Be good for your Mama, okay? I love you lots and lots!”

“Love ‘ou lots and lots, Mummy!” Buddy told her, continuing to hug Leah tightly.

“Not as much as I love you, my little bubba,” Leah genuinely smiled at the 2 year old before she turned her attention to you as she walked nearer to where you sat on the sofa, “And I love you too, my grumpy girl.” she told you, placing a kiss on your forehead, much to your own protest about it.

“Leah man, get off,” You grumbled, trying to swat her hand away from touching you, “Bye!”

Leah and Jordan shared another apprehensive look with one another, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control here. I’ll text you if anything bad happens,” Jordan reassured her, “Enjoy the night, honestly.”

“Okay, okay,” The blonde exhaled a sigh and runs her hand through her hair, “I’ll have my phone with me the whole time, so you can still text me if you need too,” She said, looking more towards you to reassure you that you can still get in touch with her if needed.

“Prepared to be spammed with gifs,” You murmured, a mischievous glint in your eye as you don’t even bother to look up from your phone in your hand, “Can’t say I didn’t warn you either.” You added.

“Mama! Mama!” Buddy’s voice was the centre of conversation with Jordan as the two of them played together on the carpet in front of you with some of the cars that your favourite little buddy brought from home, “Me cars’ red like Mummy’s team!”

Jordan’s eyes lit up in amazement as she smiled at the 2 year old, “That’s right, clever girl! What colour is this car?” She wondered, holding up the dark blue coloured car.

“Blue!” Buddy retorted, excitedly, “Like, not Mummy’s team!” She added.

“Well done, Buddy,” Jordan praised the toddler, “You’re getting more and more smart every day, kiddo!” She told her.

You couldn’t help but sit there and roll your eyes. You didn’t care much to contribute to the conversation Jordan and Buddy were having, you would much rather be interested to sit on your phone like you planned to do, at least your TikTok page was a good distraction.

“Alright, I should probably start dinner soon,” Jordan said, realising the time on the clock on the wall, moving to get up from the floor as she looked at you, “Will you please keep an eye on Buddy for me while I sort that out?” She asked.

Glancing up from your phone, you couldn’t help but huff and place it beside you, “Yeah whatever, but not for you though, I’m only doing it for Buddy,” You told her, bluntly as possible.

“Oh, yeah that’s fine,” Jordan responded, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as she tries to not feel too hurt by that comment but the reality of it was that it really bothered her - You used to be so close with her, you would follow her around like a little shadow and not you want nothing to do with her at all, it really stung.

“Monkey, will ‘ou play with me?” Buddy’s little voice chirped as she peered up to look at you with hopeful eyes, “We build lego!”

“How can I say no to my favourite little buddy?” A small small appeared on your face as you slid off the sofa to join Buddy on the floor, she had all but completely abandoned her cars she was previously playing with in favour of the lego bricks that she attempted to drag over from the corner of the room, “Too heavy, Monkey!” She whines in frustration.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got them, Bud,” You giggled and stood up to easily move and pick up the lego bricks, “See? They’re not that heavy, you just needed a strong big sister to lift them up,” You joked with her.

“Thank ‘ou!” Buddy squealed and immediately dived into the box to start pulling out the different colourful lego bricks, “Monkey, ‘ou start with this one and I start with this one!” She declared, handing you a green block.

“Why can’t I have the one you have?” You asked playfully, pointing to the red block that she had in her hands, “I prefer that one.”

“No, that’s my block. ‘Ou have the green one!” Buddy’s little voice demands firmly, pushing the green block back into your hand, “I like red better!”

“Of course you do,” You retorted, grinning in amusement, “What colour is North London, Buddy?”

“Red!” Buddy declared loudly.

“Ain’t that right, Bud!” You nodded in agreement, “Guess I can agree to stick with the green block just for you.” You added, shrugging your shoulders as the two of you start to build together.

However that didn’t stop the two of you squabbling about the rest of the blocks though.

“What’s going on in here then?” Jordan popped her head round the door as she heard the commotion coming from the living room, “I thought you two would be playing nicely in here, eh?”

“Mama!” Buddy’s lower lip trembled a little, her big eyes filling up with frustration, “Monkey’s not sharing and letting me the ‘ellow block!” She whined, pointing accusingly at you.

“You're such a tattletale sometimes,” You rolled your eyes, feeling the frustration building inside of you, “You wanted me to play with you, Buddy! How am I supposed to build something if you keep taking them all?” You argued, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.

Jordan sighed and knelt down to the toddlers level, “Buddy, you know if you want Monkey to play with you then you have to share,” She reminded her, “Even if you like the certain coloured blocks.”

“But you don’ understand Mama, I like them ones. Monkey can have others!” Buddy pouted, clearly not liking the answer, “My blocks!” She declared, keeping a tight hold of them.

“Whatever, I don’t care,” You remarked, feeling your own frustration simmering as you do no more than push the tower over that Buddy’s been building in anger, “Oops.”

“M’ Tower!” Buddy’s whined, her upset clearly evident as the tears began to form in her big eyes, her lower lip quivering, “Monkey, ‘ou ruined it!”

“Oh well,” You shrugged carelessly and sidestepped over it to make your way back to sit on the sofa again.

“Monkey!” Jordan’s eyes widened in disbelief at your current attitude, especially towards your favourite little buddy of all people before she was quick to scoop the upset 2 year old onto her lap, “Hey, it’s okay, Buddy. We can just build it again, yeah?” She reassured her, hoping to calm the situation.

Buddy continued to sob and cling to Jordan, “I no wan’ build with Monkey, she’s a meany!”

You couldn’t lie and say that didn’t hurt your feelings because it definitely did to hear it out of the toddlers’ mouth even if she didn’t quite understand the words that she was saying.

“It’s just a tower,” You muttered, rolling your eyes as you turned your attention back to your phone in your hand again to scroll through your social media feeds, “It’s not a big deal.” You added, feeling a tiny bit guilty for upsetting the toddler.

Jordan exhaled a sigh and continued to cradle an upset Buddy in her arms as she turned her attention towards you to address the situation, “Hey, little one–”

“Don’t call me that!” You snapped at her, feeling so much hatred towards the woman in that very moment, “I’m not your little one anymore. You of all people don’t get to call me that!” 

Jordan’s face fell, the weight of your words hitting her like a punch to the gut. You watched her blink a few times, trying to process the sting of your outburst while still holding Buddy close.

“Okay,” The woman said quietly, her voice trembling slightly but still calm, “Look, I know you’re upset right now and I’m sorry li– Monkey, I am, but regardless of that, it’s not okay to upset Buddy like you did,” She told her, her tone gentle but still firm.

“Whatever, I don’t care,” You muttered, not having any interest in this conversation with Jordan at that moment, “You can’t tell me what to do either, you don’t get the right to do that anymore!”

“I know,” Jordan mumbled, exhaling a sigh as she knows that you’re really upset with her and she’s not going to push you to talk to her, “Right, Buddy. How about you come with me into the kitchen while Mama cooks dinner and that way we can give Monkey a bit of space, yeah?”

“Uh huh,” Buddy sniffled and nodded, her little face still wet with tears as she was reluctant to let go of Jordan anytime soon with her arms wrapped firmly around the older woman.

“Come on then,” Jordan murmured softly, standing up with the toddler in her arms as she casted one more glance in your direction, her expression a mixture of concern and sadness, “Take the time you need to calm down, Monkey. If you need me then we’ll be in the kitchen.” She added, before turning towards the kitchen.

“I won’t,” You stated coldly, although you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt tugging at your chest, but you did your best to shove it down and turn your attention back to your phone.

Had you really meant to come across that horrible?

The frustration you felt was evident and you had to remember that Jordan left you, one of the people that used to be a constant source of comfort and support and now she was just gone, but it was her own fault for leaving when she did, so maybe she did deserve the resentment you were showing towards her after all.

You were even more reluctant to join them for dinner, even if pasta was your favourite dinner sometimes but you were too stubborn to give in.

You were somewhat glad that Jordan seemed to sense that you didn’t want to be bothered and didn’t start up another conversation with you, at least until it came time to put Buddy to bed later that night.

“I’m about to go and put Buddy to bed,” Jordan said after coming back through the living room with the toddler ready for bed in fresh pajamas and wet hair from the bath.

You did have to admit that it hurt a little bit when the toddler didn’t reach towards like she usually did, but you suppose that you were mean when you pushed her tower over.

“Okay, have fun with that,” You muttered, continuing to give her the cold shoulder.

Jordan adjusted Buddy in her arms, “Maybe after that, we could sit and watch a film? You still like Shrek, don’t you?” She offers, hoping to start an olive branch from that.

“Not in the mood,” You murmured, reluctant to look up your phone where you currently had previously been spamming Leah with gifs like you had promised, you were so gutted you weren’t old enough to be there in the club with everyone else and had to be stuck here instead with Jordan.

“For Shrek?” Jordan questioned, tilting her head to the side in shock, “Oh, I never thought I’d see the day. Alright, how about one of those Marvel films? I remember you used to absolutely love–”

“No,” You interjected, scowling at her menacingly, “I don’t want to watch a movie with you, and I don’t want to talk about the past either. You left, remember? That’s on you!”

“Oh, uh well then that’s alright,” Jordan stammered, lost for words in that current moment, “Um, I’m just gonna go and put Buddy to bed then.” She added, quick to escape to the safe haven of the toddlers’ bedroom and leave you to sulk in the living room.

You felt a pang of guilt but then you remembered that Jordan brought this on herself. She’s the one that left you, it wasn’t the other way around.

She deserves to be treated this way.

You weren’t left to stew in your thoughts for very long before Jordan wandered back through into the living room, you hoped that she might just leave you to it but you were sadly mistaken with that as she came to join you on the sofa as she grabbed a hold of the remote and turned the TV on to find something decent to watch.

You were fine enough to not have to speak to her while you just continued to sit there on your phone, you suppose you could have gone and sat in your bedroom but that just felt a bit lonely.

It was awkward though for the two of you just sat in a tense silence before Jordan was the first to start up a conversation, “Monkey,” The woman began to speak as she looked towards you, “Do you, uh, do you think we could talk?” She questioned, hesitantly.

Exhaling a deep sigh, you didn’t break eye contact from your phone at all, “I have nothin’ to say to you,” You murmured bluntly, continuing to scroll your Instagram stories. You had seen several private stories of the girls at Leah’s birthday party tonight and you can’t help but be envious that you couldn’t be there instead.

“Okay, well how about you just listen and I talk then instead?” Jordan suggested, wearily as she muted the TV show she’d stuck on, “Look, I know that things have been tough since I transferred to Aston Villa, but you have to understand I did it for the right reasons.”

“You left,” You sneered at her, cold and heartlessly.

Why couldn’t you be at Leah’s party instead of being stuck here in this current situation?

It wasn't fair!

Speaking of the blonde, she had sent you a delightful text that you somewhat made sense off right at the moment.

captain buzzkill 🙄🫡 Hi my cheeky monkeey! 🐒 I hoep you’re not causin any trouble for jord and pease don’t give her a hard time. she loves you so mcuh and I love you so mcuh. lots and lots like jelly tots my girl 💕💕 I’ll see you tomorrrow xxx

You couldn’t help but giggle at the state of her text message, it was very clear that she was very drunk already by the lack of words spelled correctly but it was nice then even when she was out partying and having a good time, she still thought about you and checked in to make sure you were okay throughout.

“What’s so funny?” Jordan questioned, curiously as she peered up from looking at her own phone.

“Nothin’ just something one of the girls sent me from college,” You lied to her, not wanting to tell her it was actually Leah.

Jordan hummed in agreement, “Oh right,” She paused, “Hey, do you uh, do you want to have a game of Fifa?” She suggested another attempt to try and make amends.

“No I’m good,” You were quick to agree.

“That’s okay,” Jordan replied, sounding disheartened.

You huffed and stood up from the sofa, “I don’t want to play video games, I don’t want to watch anything and I certainly don’t want to talk to you,” You told her bluntly, not giving her the chance to speak again, “I’m going to bed,” With that, you made your quick escape down the hallway to your bedroom that you had here.

Although you didn’t make a direct beeline for your bedroom, instead crept quietly inside the toddlers’ bedroom, “Buddy?” You whispered quietly, praying that she wasn’t already asleep.

“Monkey?” Buddy’s little head popped up from her cot with her dummy bobbing gently in her mouth as her eyes lit up when she saw you, before she reached her arms out.

A small smile tugged at your lips, a sense of relief washing over you that she still wanted you despite the way you had acted earlier, “Yeah, it’s just me,” You murmured softly, leaning over the bars of the cot to scoop her up gently. 

Making sure to grab Buddy’s blanket, you wrapped it around her to keep her warm, before sitting down with her in the rocking chair, “I wanted to say sorry for upsetting you earlier.”

“Ou’ were mean,” Buddy mumbled, her words muffled by her dummy still in her mouth as she nuzzled her head against your chest, “Ou’ broke the tower.”

“I’m sorry I did that,” You whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as you felt the guilt of earlier weighing heavily, “That was really mean of me to do it and I didn’t mean to get so angry about things either.”

“Ou’ mean to Mama too,” Buddy said, her eyes peering up at you with quiet sadness, “Ou’ made Mama sad. Don’ like Mama sad.”

Your breath caught in your throat at her words, “I know,” You murmured softly, your fingers gently running through her soft curls, “It’s just… You wouldn’t really understand it, Buddy. It’s complicated.”

Buddy nuzzled closer, the rhythmic sound of your heartbeat soothing her, but words still echoed in your mind. You didn’t want to upset anyone, least of all your favourite little buddy, “I don’t want to ever upset you, Buddy. Do you forgive me?” You asked, your voice filled with hope.

“I forgive ‘ou, Monkey,” Buddy replied softly, her tiny arms wrapping around you in a forgiving embrace, “Ou’ have to be nice to Mama too!”

You couldn’t help but smile at her innocence, though her words stung a little, “Yeah, I’ll try, Bud,” You murmured, gently rocking her as you stared out into the dimly lit room, “Things are just a bit tricky at the minute for me to do that, but I’ll try.”

It was easier said than done and you know there’s still a long way to go before you are willing to accept the apology any time soon, but at least Buddy seemed satisfied enough with your answer as her little hand gripped your shirt and continued to rest her head against your chest.

“I love you, Buddy,” You whispered, pressing another soft kiss to the top of her head, “You’re the best little sister I could ever wish for.” 

The comfort of your embrace lulling Buddy to sleep in your arms, her breath slow and steady against you and for a moment, the weight of everything seemed to lift, feeling the connection that only you two shared.

What you didn’t realise was that Jordan had overheard the entire conversation through the baby monitor that you forgot was still in Buddy’s bedroom. Her heart melted at the tender conversation between you and Buddy, and although she understood that you were seriously upset with her, it left her with some hope that just maybe, things between you both would be okay eventually one day.

You hadn’t expected to wake up in a panic like you did, you felt as if your heart was racing and your breath was quickened. Looking around the dimly lit, unfamiliar room, your surroundings felt too large, too cold and you didn’t like it at all.

Disorientated, you threw your duvet off you as it felt like you needed to escape from it.

Of course you had another nightmare, typically, it was about both of your biological parents this time round. You guess your mum leaving you had been on your mind lately, overshadowing Jordan’s absence in your life now, it brought up a whole lot of unwanted feelings, all over again.

Making your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water, you succeed with that task until you take a misstep, tripping over one of Blu’s toys in the process and go flying, the glass falling out of your hands and smashing into pieces on the floor.

“Monkey?” Jordan’s voice spoke softly, appearing in the kitchen as her concern was evident, “It’s late. What’re you doin’ up at this time?”

Standing there frozen in the kitchen staring at the shattered glass on the floor until the woman’s voice broke you out of your trance, “Uh, I… I just wanted to grab a glass of water. I tripped over Blu’s toy and it fell out of my hands,” You admitted, looking around to spot the dustpan and brush, “I’ll clean it up now.”

Jordan shook her head in disagreement and was careful to not step directly in the glass, “Careful, you’ll get glass in your feet,” She told you, moving to grab the dustpan and brush out of the cupboard where it’s kept, “Stay there and let me sweep it up, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do that. I’m really sorry!” The tired state you were in overshadowed the anger you felt towards the older woman, immediately apologetic for what had happened due to past childhood trauma.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s just a glass,” Jordan reassured you, finishing sweeping up the broken glass and dumping it in the bin, “Do you want me to get you another drink?” She questioned, turning to look at you.

“No it’s okay, I… I’m just gonna go back to bed,” You murmured, shaking your head and turning in the direction to head back down the hallway to your bedroom without another word.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Jordan’s words made you snap your head back around and glare at her, “Was that the reason that you’re awake?”

“No,” You growled at her, not wanting to talk about things as you started to wake up  and were more aware of the conversation you were having with the woman.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jordan offered you, evident concern in her voice.

“No, not with you I don’t,” You snapped, continuing to scowl at her, “You… You abandoned me as well when things got tough!”

Jordan frowned and shook her head, “Monkey, I haven’t abandoned you. I’m still here,” She paused, “I know it’s hard to understand that, but look, I’m still here, even if it might not seem like it right now.”

“Yes you did!” You shouted, pointing your index finger directly at her, “Yes you did!” You repeated.

“Hey, please keep your voice down,” Jordan reminded you, her tone gentle but still firm, “Buddy’s asleep, remember? I don’t want you waking her up.”

You couldn’t help scoffing and rolling your eyes, “Oh of course you only care about that.”

“I care about you too, little one–” Jordan began to tell you.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore, you left me!” You interjected, your voice a bit louder than you realised it was.

“I’m still here, Monkey,” Jordan murmured, trying to get through to you.

“No you’re not!” You exclaimed, shaking your head in disagreement, “You left, you’re just… you’re just like them!”

“Monkey–” Jordan began to speak in a calm tone of voice.

“Mama,” The conversation was broken up by Buddy waking up, making her upset well known.

Jordan exhaled a sigh, “I’m going to take care of Buddy and try to get her back to sleep,” She paused, running her hands through her hair, “Try and get some sleep, kid. Just know I’ll always be here for you,” With that, she walked past you to head into Buddy’s room and you are once again left feeling bad for waking up your favourite little buddy.

Could you really ever forgive her for just abandoning you in the way she did?

Right now, it really didn’t seem possible for that to happen at all, but maybe time will tell eventually.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[avocado-writing]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

*eats your words*

no but seriously, your writing has me kicking my feet when I’m supposed to be typing an essay 😞‼️ I was wondering if you could do some headcanons for the companions x monk! Tav who, when being confessed to, Tav responds with “it’ll pass”?

basically fleabag inspired 😍‼️ please and thank you! stay safe n warm 🔫

OH GOD HEARTBREAKING i tried to make it have a happy ending tho!!! enjoy! and I'm so glad that you enjoy my writing! (mild nsfw mentions)

writing as if you're saying this because you think you wouldn't be the best option for their future, one way or another, and want to try and soften the blow for them by replying like this. you only want them to be happy and you're scared it can't be with you.

Astarion

you cup his face, and the look in your eyes is so, so sad.

you think perhaps your simple nomadic lifestyle will not be enough for him. you love him, you do, but he needs someone more modern. more cosmopolitan.

when you tell him it will pass you see a myriad of expressions cross his face: sadness, confusion, anger... but finally, resolve.

he takes your hand in his, firmly.

"my heart. I know when things will pass, and when they won't. my love for you is not some trifle, a fashion to be abandoned like it would go out of style. I mean it. I can make my own decisions, and I have decided where I want to be. It's with you."

he reaches out to embrace you. you're surprised, but let him do it anyway, and you bury your face into his neck to hide your emotions.

maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.

you hold him tighter than ever that night.

Gale

you're worried he is too smart for you. that he will get bored of you, and the idea breaks your heart.

you tell him "it'll pass" when he confesses because you're scared.

seems actually offended that you'd tell him his love for you might be fleeting.

"there are things which will span the ages. stories, gods, heroes. my love for you is one of them. I do not confess that lightly. you are a beacon of hope in my life, love... and that will never fade."

goes on for some time afterwards about how committed he is and how much he loves you, until eventually you accept that he's not going anywhere.

bloody wizards, so good with their words...

fall asleep that night after having the most intimate lovemaking session, all about feeling each other's breath and heartbeats.

he is here to stay, forever.

Wyll

wyll deserves someone amazing. someone who could handle his life if he became duke, and you're scared you'll let him down.

when you tell him 'it'll pass' he is hurt, and leaves the conversation for a moment. you think perhaps it is for the best. you don't need this to cause any more pain.

but later he comes to find you and asks if he can have a private moment. you find out he wasn't hiding from you but preparing: he has a little intimate picnic set up where you can sit and be alone.

when you're comfortable he tells you about how deep his love is, how fate has thrown you together.

"there is nothing about how i feel about you that could pass. nothing."

to prove his point, he slips to his knee, and that is when he proposes.

you're overcome with emotion. you have to accept how committed to you he is, and work out if you deserve something as fierce as his love.

there are tears in your eyes when you accept. you never think his love will pass again.

Karlach

probably the hardest one to say this too. together, your future is so uncertain. it will be easier to break it off here rather than maim both of you.

gets angry. in fact, goes into a rage. tears up the surroundings, and for a moment you're taken aback--

but then she turns and she's sobbing, stuck at the midpoint between being apoplectic and brokenhearted.

"you don't get to decide that for me! you don't! you're the first person i've loved... I've touched... I've felt anything for, for a fucking decade! when i feel this, it doesn't fade! how dare you think about yourself like that? as if you're some sort of phase?"

eventually she calms down enough but bursts into tears instead. you go to hold her and she embraces you so tightly that the wind is knocked from your body.

"i love you. i won't leave you. don't leave me." her voice is tiny.

how could you ever say no? how could you ever doubt her?

when the two of you are in Avernus, you're reminded of this moment, and so glad she fought against it. you'd trade this away for nothing.

Lae'zel

would she want someone like you? long term? she's so brave, so fierce. what if you're not good enough? what if your relationship develops only for you to let her down?

she gets angry too, but quieter.

is furious that you would question her affection.

"githyanki do not give their devotion lightly. the fact that you think my love for you could pass makes me wonder how well you know me."

it turns into an argument where you try and explain your side, and she's angry at you for thinking this way.

eventually it descends into angrily making out. some fierce lovemaking. her saying how much she loves you, possesses you, between every bite and kiss.

you lie in the afterglow. she says she will not leave, and pretty much tells you that you won't either. you agree, and tangle your hand with hers.

Shadowheart

tries to hide how hurt she is.

yes, Shar is the lady of loss, but the idea of losing you... of not having you in her life? unthinkable.

you only tried to tell her it will pass so that, if she wishes to become a dark justiciar, she will have no lingering attachment to you after.

and yet...

it is blasphemy for her, but she refuses to let you go.

"no. i won't allow it. i can't believe this will fade between us. you are the most precious thing to me. stay."

you're weak for her, end up tumbling into bed, reconfirming your love for each other.

you never quite believe that this is forever until she changes her hair, embraces selune. then your heart is full of joy. and it is full of Shadowheart.

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Snuggles

Steven Grant x GN!Reader • Rating: PG •Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | requestinfo• MK Bingo 2024 Masterlist• ko-fi •

Summary: Steven can't sleep.

A/N: I'm being all sappy.

Warnings: fluffy fluff fluff, self-indulgent as HECK, over use of italics, typos, not beta read, railroad sentences, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 610

Steven twisted around in the bed, the sheets wrapping around his left calf and ankle. He let out a humph of air and kicked himself free before he turned over again onto his other side and screwed his eyes shut. 

He gripped the pillow tight, his fingers paling under the force of it, his jaw clenched to the point of pain. 

Finally, the stabbing sensation in his molecules grew to a point where it became undeniable and at last his conscious mind seemed to register it. 

“Oh for fucks sake.” He sighed, opening his eyes and sitting up in bed. He rubbed his face with his hands, purposefully dragging the callus edges around his fingernails over his eyelids. 

It was useless. Pitiful even. 

He’d spent most of his life trying to avoid falling asleep, and now actually getting to sleep was practically impossible. 

It just wasn’t working. He was either too hot or too cold, the blankets too light and then too heavy. His arm went numb when he laid on his side, he felt like he was suffocating if he laid on his stomach and his shoulders ached if he tried to get comfortable on his back. 

Steven just couldn’t get to sleep without you next to him. 

He’d been so happy when you’d told him you were going out to spend some time with your friends to a late night cinema showing. He knew you didn’t get a lot of chances to see them all at once, as you had conflicting schedules. 

“Have a great time love!” He’d given you a kiss before you’d left, nuzzling your cheek.

You’d grinned, “Are you sure you don’t mind me coming back to yours after? It’ll be really late and I don’t want to wake you up-”

“Love,” he chuckled, reassuring you for what must have been the sixth time. “The flat’s closer and I sleep like a log, honestly. Besides, I’ll feel better waking up with you in the morning.”

He hadn’t realised that his body had decided to betray him and turn him into a liar. 

The sound of the key in the front door made him flinch, a brief flicker of panic overtaking before relief washed over him. 

You tiptoed in, illuminated by the glow of the hallway lights. 

Steven scrambled to the side and turned on the bedside lamp as you shut the door. 

It was your turn to jump. “Steven,” you smiled, “I thought you’d be asleep.”

He got up eagerly, putting on his slippers and padding over to you, “couldn’t sleep.” He gave you a soft shrug as he played with the sleeves of his pyjamas. “Missed you too much.” 

He hugged you gently, snuffling his face into your neck and breathing hard. 

“Awww,” you rubbed his back, quickly embracing him, “sweetheart.” You kissed his temple and Steven sighed happily. 

“Don’t reward me,” he mumbled into your skin. 

“What?” You laughed. 

Steven smiled as he moved back, just enough to look at you. “Don’t reward me, I’m being all pitiful and clingy.” He batted his eyes at you to make you laugh again. 

“You’re so silly.” You stroke his cheek and kiss him softly. “You’re not pitiful and clingy, you’re sweet and perfect.” 

He shook his head, pressing his face into your hand. 

You tut playfully, “Don’t deny it just because you want more praise.” 

He giggles and kisses your cheek. “Guess who’s been caught? Me.” 

You grin. 

After a quick trip to the bathroom and change you’re in bed with Steven, snuggled up tightly together in each other's embrace. Both of you safe and content. 

And asleep the second your heads hit the pillows. 

Thank you for reading!

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[nanamiscocksleeve]

The Office Pet Part 3

warnings: MDNI, sex, rough fucking, fingering, mild pet play, cum dump, mild foursome, creampies, cumplay, exhibitionism, oral (fem receiving), toys, overstimulation, dominance, nipple and clit play.

man, I was horny af when I wrote this. Pure filth, no plot, just some good kinky fuckery. Part 1 - Part 2

“They’re considering hiring someone with the promise that he could be a partner someday.” Kento lovingly washes your hair in the tub, making sure he gets every inch of your scalp clean. You let him pamper you, eyes closed and humming in happiness. He reaches for the removable showerhead and gently cascades water over your hair, ensuring the suds don’t get into your eyes. 

“We’ll be entertaining him here to get a feel for him.” You look curiously at Kento, and his mouth curls into a smile. “Ah, I see you’re remembering the last time we hosted a party here. I recall you enjoying yourself quite a bit.” 

“I did.” You giggle at the memory. 

“How do you feel about doing it again tonight?”

“I think it would be fun.”

“Excellent.” He helps you stand and starts toweling your hair dry. 

“All the same folks as last time?” You ask, loving his gentle touch. 

“Yup. You remember how it was when we vetted Higuruma.”

You nod your head, then raise your arms as he starts drying off your body. “So it’s him, Gojo, and…?”

“Kusakabe.” Kento gives you a name. “It’ll be very similar to last time.” He scoops your dried body out of the tub and places you on the bed, before grabbing a bottle of lotion. You lay out on your stomach comfortably, then pout as he drips lotion on your back.

“That’s cold…” You protest, only to be met with an indulgent chuckle. 

“Sorry, my sweet.” He runs his warm hands over your back, and the cold cream heats up, going into your smooth skin. You hum and settle down. His hands move to your ass, gently massaging the flesh as he moisturizes you. 

“Think you’ll be all right entertaining one more person?”

“I think so. Same rules as last time, right?”

“Yes. They can look. Touch limitedly with permission. But fucking you is solely my right.” He cups your mound with his hand and your arch up so that his palm can curve and capture it. He squeezes, not arousingly, but it feels good anyway.

“I think we’ll have fun.”

Kento huffs, and gives a playful smack to your ass. “I can always count on you. But, then again, you like being on display so I suppose you’re more into the idea than you’re letting on.”

A mischievous laugh leaves your lips and you wriggle your ass, causing him to bark with laughter and give you another smack. “Come here you.” He sits down and cradles you on his lap, hugging you tightly. “I love you, you know?” He kisses your forehead. 

“I love you too.” You graze your nose against his face, inhaling his scent. The unconventional nature of your relationship still had trust and affection at the end of the day. He holds you possessively, jealously, sometimes. But you were both comfortable with your dynamic. 

“What’s your safe word?” he breathes into your hair. 

“Heel.”

“Yes. And remember just because there are rules doesn’t mean you can’t ask for it to stop. I’ll be there the whole time. If something makes you uncomfortable, just look at me. I’ll know.” 

Kento was a source of security for you. He would never let anyone demean or put you down. You knew where you stood with him. He kisses you, his mouth exploring yours for a moment before pulling away. 

“Let’s go put on a show.”

—

The men are dressed in their finest, most expensive-looking suits, sitting on the plush, immoderate furniture in your living room, sipping Kento’s excellent collection of liquor. The new guy, Kusakabe, has a harsh, bored-looking expression on his face as he swirls his scotch in a glass. 

“What’s so special about this party that you guys said it’s practically an interview?” Disinterest coats his tone as he takes a swig from his glass. 

Gojo and Higuruma exchange glances, smirking knowingly at each other. 

“Let’s just say that these parties…show us how much we can trust each other. After all, if you can’t obey the rules relating to our office pets, then why would we trust you with anything else?”

“Office pets?” Kusakabe wrinkles his nose. “Don’t tell me I have to spend all evening entertaining a cat or something.”

Higuruma laughs and takes a swallow of his whiskey. “Well, there’s a pussy involved.”

Kusakabe looks unsure whether to take him seriously and decides against asking anything. Noise at the top of the steps announces Nanami’s arrival and the men sit up straighter, watching him descend.

He’s carrying you in his arms, your perfect naked body on display, snug against his chest. Kento has added a simple black choker around your neck, with a cute bow attached to it.  “I’m glad everyone could make it.” 

Kusakabe’s eyes widen as he sees you, almost choking on his drink. Kento’s mouth is a sardonic curve, a taunt to the new potential hire who suddenly seemed to have lost the cocky demeanor he had when he was first interviewed. 

Kento sits down on a grand-looking armchair, letting you lay down on his lap, and delicately fondles one of your nipples, almost like an afterthought, similar to how one plays with their hair while reminiscing something. It barely does anything to you, and you sit patiently, letting him do as he pleases. 

“As we all know things are a little…unconventional in our office. But it’s good. It helps with productivity. And it helps us know we have each other’s backs no matter what. And how do we assess these qualities?”

He pauses and pats your head proudly with his free hand. “Thanks to the office pets of course. They’re a status of how far we’ve come in our careers. And they represent qualities that are meaningful to us. They give us companionship, and love, and are excellent stress relievers.”

Gojo and Higuruma chuckle, nodding, while Kusakabe continues to look shell-shocked. Nanami continues with his speech. “But of course, each office pet is sacred to the person they belong to. We admire and respect each other’s pets, but we never cross boundaries. So anyone who thinks just because our adorable pets look available,” he squeezes your nipple hard enough for a cute whimper to leave your throat, “isn’t someone we would want to have in our office.”

Kusakabe stares, wide-eyed, hanging onto Nanami’s every word. The prospect that he could have a pet if he was made partner one day was sinking into him. Nanami’s voice cuts through the room. 

“Look at my pet.” He gestures to you leisurely sprawled out on his lap, already turned on by the thought of events to come. “She’s sweet, obedient, and one of the best things to ever happen to me. So to assess if someone is worthy of being part of our exclusive circle, there are 3 rules they will need to abide by tonight.” He holds up his hand and stretches his index finger.

“One. You can look. Two,” He holds up another finger. “You can’t touch unless given permission by me and my pet. And 3. No one can fuck her except me. Do you understand Kusakabe?”

Gojo slaps Kusakabe playfully on the shoulder. “He’s following rule one all right.” Nanami and Higuruma laugh as Kusakabe flushes. You can’t help but join in the laughter, then pull at Nanami’s collar. 

“Is he a virgin?” you ask and the room erupts with laughter, Kusakabe chugging from his glass to avoid looking embarrassed.

“No, my pet, he’s not,” Nanami chuckles, stroking your hair. “I just doubt he’s seen anything as sweetly delectable as yourself before. He's probably never seen a woman so willingly displayed, so ready to be used and admired. ”

It takes Kusakabe a second to regain control of himself. With a cough, he says, “I think I would fit in with your circle very well. I promise to abide by the rules.”

“Perfect. Well then. No sense in delaying the fun.” He picks you up and places you on the lush carpet, patting your ass to encourage you to move forward. “Go ahead, my dear. Show them what a good time really looks like.”

You gracefully and enticingly crawl to the center of the carpet, smiling, before laying back and spreading your legs apart, delicately fingering your already swollen clit, in full view to the group. 

“That's it, my dear... Show these men how much you enjoy being on display…” Kento’s gaze darkens with lust as he watches you play with yourself, your moans filling the room and spurring on the already aroused crowd.

“See that, gentlemen?” He says, gesturing towards you. “This is what happens when you train a woman properly.” A wicked gleam appears in his eyes as he turns back to them. “Now, isn't it time you showed your appreciation of her?”

All the men had a boner; you could see the outlines through their pants, straining against the fabric. At Nanami’s words, Gojo and Higuruma free their cocks, stroking themselves in time with your fingers on your clit. Kusakabe was either too shy or too shocked by the scene, because he didn’t make any move to unzip himself, but kept his eyes fixated on your open pussy with his teeth gritted, fascinated. 

You feel powerful, knowing how much control you hold over these men, knowing they can’t do anything to you. It stirs a gripping arousal in your body, and you moan, knowing you need more. Looking sweetly over your shoulder, you ask, “Kento, can you bring out the toys?”

Kento smirks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course, my dear.”  His voice is filled with anticipation. “Let's see how many orgasms we can wring out of our precious pet tonight.” He disappears into another room briefly, returning moments later with a small box full of toys. He sets it down beside you, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

“Here you go, my dear,” He coos, handing you a small vibrator. “Have some fun with this while we decide what to do with you next.”

You accept the toy from him, gathering some of the moisture leaking from your hole, and begin to tease yourself with it, whimpering at the pleasure. “Kento…can I choose someone to hold it for me? It’s easier to have fun that way.” You look at him with a pout. 

Kento nods, a devilish smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Of course, my dear. Choose whoever you wish.” His eyes roam over the crowd, wondering who you’ll pick, but he already has a good idea. You temptingly crawl over to Kusakabe who looks at you like he’s seen the gates to heaven. With a smirk, you offer him the vibrator. He glances over at Nanami, who nods.

“She’s giving you permission, so yes. Take it.” 

“So generous of her,” Gojo praises you. “Just don’t be disappointed if you find yourself adjusting him constantly. Look at his hands. He’s trembling.” 

It was true, Kusakabe’s hands were trembling slightly as he took the toy from you before sitting down on the carpet. You lean up on your knees, and with shaky hands, he positions the vibrator against your wet slit, making you moan quietly. The crowd watches silently their eyes glued to the scene as Kusakabe, gaining confidence, begins to tease your clit by rocking the vibrator in circles against it. 

“Mmm...yeah like that,” you hum as you start humping the vibrator, your tits swaying as you do so. Gojo and Higuruma look impressed with Kusakabe who’s watching you intently, his cock straining so much in his pants it looked like it might tear the fabric. You giggle and try to give him a reassuring look but it’s hard with the pleasure coursing through you. Kento’s heart pounds in his chest as he observes you lose yourself to pleasure. Your moans fill the room, echoing off the walls and stirring up a storm of arousal among the gathered men.

“Isn't she beautiful?” Kento asks rhetorically, his eyes never leaving your writhing form. “So obedient. So willing…” He gives Kusakabe a nod of approval to keep doing what he’s doing before moving closer to you, caressing your breasts, tweaking your nipples to heighten your senses. 

“Ooh... That feels nice…” you bite your lip enjoying the attention and continue to pleasure yourself on the vibrator. 

Kento wears a satisfied grin and continues to pinch your nipples. “Such a perfect little slut,” He murmurs appreciatively under his breath. “Enjoying all this attention?”

You giggle at his question and hump a little faster, nodding your head. “I’m having so much fun.”

Kento chuckles before signaling to Kusakabe to increase the speed of the vibrator, which he does hastily. “Let's see how many times we can make our little pet cum tonight,” he says in a dark, sinful whisper as you gasp at the new intensity between your folds. His hands never stop their exploration of your body pinching your nipples harder, twisting them slightly as you moan.

“That's it…” He says approvingly. “Let yourself go…”

You writhe and whimper, humping the vibrator desperately, feeling your climax nearing as your clit throbs from need. After a heart-stopping moment, it hits you, causing your body to convulse in ecstasy as you scream out your release. The sight of you writhing from the orgasm sends a jolt of arousal through the gathered men.

“There we go,” He purrs, running a hand through your hair. “Such a good girl…”

Kento motions for Kusakabe to take the vibrator away from you, and he follows the instruction obediently, backing away respectfully, almost like he’s embarrassed from the knowledge of knowing he helped you orgasm. Gojo and Higuruma clap as he withdraws back to the sofa and you giggle, laying back on the carpet, still dizzy from your climax. 

“That was an excellent start. Great job Kusakabe.” Kusakabe is staring at his hands, his face a brilliant shade of crimson. Kento addresses the other two men. “Now I’m requesting more of your assistance. I believe we wanted to see how many times we make her cum tonight. I want her cunt soaked and ready for me by the time I decide to fuck her. You have my permission to touch her. And yours?” he asks you and you nod enthusiastically. Kento helps to bend you over the glass coffee table and spreads your legs wide, revealing your glistening, wet pussy to the room. His words send a thrill of arousal through you. 

“Who wants a turn?” 

There’s rustling and shuffling from behind you and you hear the men slide off the sofa onto the carpet and pad over to you. Kento’s hands stroke your hair and back, whispering encouragement. You can’t see who’s coming but it’s such a turn-on knowing what was going to happen. 

“Hey pretty. Ready for this?” Your heart skips a beat as you hear Gojo’s voice. He caresses your cheek. You nod eagerly, and with a laugh, Gojo begins to squeeze your breasts while Higuruma slots himself between your legs and finds your clit, his wet tongue covering the throbbing bud. 

You giggle and sigh and moan as the men take turns alternating between your nipples and clit, using different toys from the toy box to further stimulate you. Kento sits back and enjoys the show, his cock throbbing in his pants at the sight of you writhing in ecstasy. They’ve done this before and he trusts them as they expertly begin building up your climax, making you cum with ease, your pussy spasming almost unbearably with each one. 

“Such a beautiful sight,” Kento murmurs appreciatively. “My little slut is enjoying herself.” He notices Kusakabe sitting a little away from everyone, his pants still zipped, looking like he’s unsure how to join in. 

Gojo waves him over. “I was gonna pick a toy for her. Why don’t you take over her tits?”

“You’d be more comfortable if you freed yourself Kusakabe,” Kento notes how he’s struggling to move against the tent in his pants. The brown-haired man tenses, like he’s doing this against his better judgment, then frees himself with a groan, his long cock finally out of his pants.

“There you go. Now isn’t it easier to move? Now please, take your place in pleasuring my pet.” Kento looks over to you, vulnerably exposed and sprawled on the coffee table sighing with delight. Gojo turns on a curved vibrating wand and begins to insert it into your wet cunt, making you gasp. Higuruma rubs circles on your clit with his tongue. You buck into his face, making him chuckle. The black-haired man pats you affectionately.

“All in good time little pet,” Higuruma purrs against your wetness before starting again.  Kusakabe finally joins in and pinches your nipples, tugging on them, drawing a lewd cry of need from you.

Kento pets your hair. “Just relax,” He coos softly. “Enjoy the attention.” He gives Gojo a look who gets his message immediately and pulls the vibrator out of you. You whimper in protest, missing the buzz before feeling Kento’s hand tease your wet slit. 

“Such a greedy little thing” He murmurs, dipping two fingers into your dripping cunt, making you cry out. “Look at how you’re sucking me in…But I wouldn't have you any other way.”

You moan weakly as Kento fingers your cunt, curling up into that gummy patch and bearing down, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. Your face contorts with pleasure. “So good,” you manage to choke out. 

“That's it…” He purrs. “Let it all out…”

Your body quivers and then shakes violently as a strong orgasm rips through your being, your legs trembling from the effort of holding yourself up. Kento continues to finger you through your orgasm, milking every last drop of your juices.

“Good girl, ” He murmurs, pulling his fingers free to offer them to your mouth. “Taste yourself.”

You obediently suck his fingers clean, gazing at him hazily, still dizzy from the orgasm. His hand strokes your cheek tenderly, his expression softening.” Such a good little slut. You please me so much.” He turns away from you. 

“Excellent work gentleman,” he addresses his colleagues. “I think she had the time of her life.”

“She makes it easy Nanami,’ Higuruma chuckles, wiping his mouth. “Just lets us use her.”

“Like the good girl she is.” Kento gently squeezes your shoulders and back, easing out the lingering tension from the string of orgasms you had experienced. “And she’s nice and wet for me now….”

His hands move to grip your hips firmly before giving your ass a slap, making you wriggle. You quickly stop as you feel him align himself behind you, his tip waiting at the entrance of your pussy before firmly pushing himself into your wetness. Your pussy is sensitive after all the orgasms but Kento’s thick veiny cock filling you almost makes you go cross-eyed. Your pussy molds to him, remembering every inch and moaning loud as he keeps going in, your pussy tight and snug around his hot velvety meat. With a grunt he begins to thrust, losing himself in the feeling of being buried inside you, inside the moist warmth of your welcoming pussy, using your body to fuel his pleasure. 

“That's it,” He growls out, spanking your ass again, seeing the skin redden. “Take my cock like the dirty little whore you are.” You’re practically giggling as Kento spanks and fucks you in front of everyone. enjoying this a little too much. Kento grins wickedly, his thrusts becoming more forceful as he hears you giggle. 

“Enjoying yourself, aren't you?” He taunts, his voice laced with amusement. He slaps your ass hard enough to leave a mark and then grabs your hair, pulling your head back, fucking you hard and fast, his thrusts becoming erratic as he nears his climax. “Showing off to everyone how much you enjoy my cock?”

“Yes…That's it... Fill me with cum,” you whimper as his thrusts become more animalistic, hips slamming into your plush backside, balls slapping against your pussy as he struggles to hold on. 

“That's it,” He groans out, driving himself deeper into your quivering depths. “Take my seed…”

With one final thrust, he buries himself completely within you before releasing a guttural roar as he fills you with hot spurts of cum. Kento pants heavily, his body shaking from the intensity of his orgasm. His cock throbs inside you, emptying itself completely before finally going limp.

His large hands run soothingly over your back, and he leans down to press a kiss to your ear. “You did so well my sweet. Took every last drop of me,” he whispers appreciatively, resting his cheek on your head for a brief moment before adjusting you into a deep arch in preparation to pull himself out. 

“Show them what’s mine,” he growls possessively before sliding out. You lean forward as much as you can and spread your pussy, widening your sore legs as much as possible so that the other men can see his cum dripping out of you, feeling deliciously naughty as it falls from your abused hole onto the carpet.  

“That’s it,” Kento’s hiss of approval cuts through the room, relishing the sight of you being stuffed with his seed. 

He turns and sees Gojo and Hiuruma calmly drinking their liquor, stroking themselves at leisure, but Kusakabe is scrunched into a corner of the sofa, knuckles turning white as he clutched his glass, his cock still poking out of the gap of his zip, untouched. You look over your shoulder and can’t suppress the laugh that bubbles out of you as you see his face. 

“Dessert is served,” you call out. “Fresh creampie.”

Kento laughs heartily at that and everyone else joins in, Kusakabe breaking into a hesitant smile. 

“She has a point though,” Kento admits as the laughter dies down. “She loves creampies and I can’t give her another one till she’s been cleaned. So. Who wants a taste?”

Unsurprisingly, Gojo sets down his glass first and makes his way towards your hunched form. He’s known you both the longest and has no qualms over helping you clean up. Kusakabe’s eye twitches as Gojo kneels down and starts licking your pussy clean, slurping sounds fill the room. He does a thorough job, getting every last bit of cum from your folds. You hum and try not to simper, enjoying every moment of debauchery. Once done, Gojo returns to his spot on the couch and wipes his mouth with a napkin. 

“Thank you, Gojo. Now before I-” Kento pauses and it’s clear why. Your cunt is beginning to leak again despite the cleanup you were just given.

“How much did you unload Nanami?” Gojo asks in surprise, causing Higuruma to chuckle, almost inhaling his drink. “Her pussy got you in a death grip it looks like.”

Nanami grabs your ass cheeks and shakes them gently and you can feel the hot wet cream sliding out of your inner crevices. “That is quite a lot…looks like we’ll need another cleanup volunteer.”

“Ah, this brings back memories, doesn’t it Higuruma?” Gojo asks while ribbing him good-naturedly. 

“Indeed,” Higuruma agrees, looking a little nostalgic. “When I was vetted, I cleaned out your pet didn’t I Gojo? And when it was still leaking…I spent almost 10 minutes with my tongue in her cunt.”

They both look at Kusakabe who’s looking dubious. “Me?” he asks, blushing under their grins. 

“Yeah, you’re the new guy. Show us you’re not afraid to handle new experiences.” They goad him, jeering at his shyness. 

“I’ve just never-”

“Neither did I,” Higuruma interrupted him. “But we’re a team. It’s important to learn, and be open to tackling unfamiliar territory. Be a good sport now.”

“But I-”

“You might not want to keep your bosses waiting. Especially with a pet hanging in the balance. She was promised another round and she won’t get it until you clean her up. Everyone does their equal share of chores here.” Gojo’s sharp tone makes Kusakabe flinch and he moves to settle on the carpet. 

He sees the thick, milky fluid seeping from your cunt, dripping and coating your folds. He hesitates, then darts his tongue out to start the process. You hum in approval as he gently licks away the residue, and he’s surprised that it wasn’t at all what he expected.

“Why does she taste like…?” he asks the room.

“Watermelon candy?” Kento supplies and Kusakabe nods stupidly. “That’s just something unique to her pussy. She has a very pretty natural scent and flavor.”

Spurred by the flavor, Kusakabe returns with vigor and sticks his tongue into you, drawing out a long moan of satisfaction. Higuruma laughs at the sight. “Boy likes watermelon,” he drawls amusedly, and Gojo chortles. 

You on the other hand are lost in the sensation of Kusakabe’s cleaning efforts. “Yeah that's it...put your tongue all the way in... Mmm…” you sigh as he listens to your instructions. Kusakabe continues until he can’t feel any more of the salty, watermelon-flavored fluid coming back down. He backs away, his chin and the tip of his nose moist from his actions.

“I think that’s all of it,” he says, gently spreading apart your lips, and seeing the absence of cum.

“Good job Kusakabe,” Kento says gruffly and he scrambles back to his seat. “Now that she’s been properly cleaned,” he spreads your ass cheeks and without warning, slips inside your slick folds, making you gasp and rise off the carpet for a brief second. Gojo whistles appreciatively. 

Kento grips your hips tightly and pounds into your pussy relentlessly, Your moans turn into louder and louder screams as he pistons in and out of you. You grip the edges of the coffee table, trying to find balance but Kento is bullying himself into you, fucking into newer depths that have you seeing stars. Your voice is shrill as you make lewd requests, brain cells all dead from a pleasure overdrive. 

“Kento…Cum in me... Fuck it in so deep that drips for days…” You manage to string those words together with difficulty. Kento grunts in response, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he feels your walls tighten around him.

He grits out, “I'm gonna fill you up so much you won't be able to walk straight...You’ll go to work with my cum spilling into your panties, even days after I’m done with you…” With those words, he buries himself deep inside of you once again before releasing his load directly into your womb, spraying your walls with his hot seed. 

His hips stutter for a second and you begin to relax, thinking he’s going to pull out then squeal in surprise as he pulls you back closer, his chest covering your back, rutting into you sloppily. “Gotta fuck it in there deep…can’t waste it…no good if it drips back down right away…” His hand reaches down to massage your clit gently as he continues to pump his cum into you.

You cry out at the added stimulation, powerless to do anything but let him use you to his liking. The way he fucks you, hitting your gpot, makes you feel like you might fall apart from the intense pleasure of it all. 

“Your cunt is my kingdom,” he says in a low deep purr. Things are messy and sloppy, their combined fluids making it easy for him to fuck into her with speed. Kento groans in pleasure as he feels his cock twitch inside you, the sensation of your warm, wet walls milking him combined with the knowledge that he's filling you to the brim with his seed pushes him over the edge a third time. “I'm gonna fill you up again…” And with those words, Kento releases another torrent of cum into your already overflowing womb.

He almost collapses on top of you, the effort from the night taking a toll on him, his breaths ragged and uneven as he tries to regain some sort of thought after the intensity of it all. He stays still for a second and you feel him beginning to soften. Kento pulls out slowly, his thick cream oozing out of your well-fucked cunt. He watches as it dribbles down your thighs, satisfied by the sight.

“There we go. You've got more than enough of my cum to last you a few days…”

“Thank you Kento,” you say sweetly, and roll over, feeling your muscles pull and stretch painfully as you relax onto the carpet. Milky cream still flows from you onto the floor as you sigh. Kento kisses you softly, cleaning off his cum covered cock with some napkins.

He turns to look at his peers, then focuses on Kusakabe. “You didn’t touch yourself at all?”

Kusakabe shakes his head no and looks at the other two, both of them holding napkins over their cocks, having clearly been jerking themselves off until now. Kento huffs through his nose. “That either shows that you have great restraint or hesitate to grab opportunities when they are handed to you.”

He now addresses Gojo and Higuruma. 

“I know you’re probably eager to go home and relieve yourselves with your own pets,” Nanami says, tucking his dick away into his pants. “But can we have a quick assessment of Kusakabe before we call it a night?”

“I think he needs to loosen up a little,” Gojo says, crumpling the tissues in his hand.”

“And needs to take action a little faster.” Higuruma stands to pull up his boxers and pants. “You kept needing to be prompted when the rules stated that all you had to was ask for permission to touch. And even then you didn’t take action. You’ll have to be more independent than that to succeed here.”

Kento pulls you onto his lap, not caring that cum was seeping into his expensive tailored pants from your pussy. “If you’re willing to work on those things, perhaps we can set up another informal interview like this one. Maybe…with Higuruma’s pet next time?” He strokes your hair as he glances at the dark-haired man who nods.

“I believe we could.”

“Ok Kusakabe, you have another chance,” Gojo says pointedly to him. “Just allow yourself to relax around us. We want to help you.”

Kusakabe nods enthusiastically. “Of course! Please let me know when the next gathering will be.”

He looks thoughtful for a second then asks, “How long did it take before you were awarded office pets?”

“Oh Kusakabe.” Kento possessively cradles you in his arms. “Try to last long enough for your name to even be remembered by HR. Then we’ll see if you’ll ever be worthy of one.” 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Assignment 1

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your agree to cover an empty internship but the role isn't as easy as you expect. (older!reader)

Characters: boss!Lee Bodecker, glimpse of Andy Barber.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

“I’ve already asked Anna. She has so much going on already with her daughter and you know I would if Stan wasn’t away on a work trip. Poor Melissa is just too new for a coverage position,” Nicole explains.

“Got it,” you say as you pack up the contents of your desk drawer. “I already said yes.” 

“I know, but I also know it’s a real pain. It’s just that there’s nowhere else that can spare the body and Mr. Barber owes Mr. Bodecker so--” 

“Yep, sacrificial lamb,” you utter dryly as you slide the drawer shut. “Really, Nicole, I get it. You don’t need to go on. We all know how this works. We go where they tell us too.” 

“Yeah, it’s just... he’s chased off three in the last two months. That kind of turnover...” she looks around. “They need someone mature. Who can handle the workload.” 

“Right,” you stand and pick up your box of things. “I won’t be that far away, no big deal.” 

She gives a tense smile and you turn away. You march out of your shared space and down the hall. You understand what she means by ‘workload’. Mr. Bodecker might be a hard ass for all you know but what everyone knows for sure is that he is a menace. There’s a reason those interns left almost soon as they got through the door. 

You claim the empty desk waiting for you and drop the box on it. You roll the chair out and sit. You should’ve wheeled yours over. You adjust the height and wiggle around. Hm, it’ll do. Work is work, no matter how comfortable you are. 

You stand again and take out your laptop and plug it in. Then you unpack your wireless mouse and keyboard and your pad with the wrist rest. You stretch your fingers above the tight brace and sigh. You can use all the ergonomic tools and aids but it’s not getting any better. 

No use putting it off any longer. He probably already knows. You go around the desk and knock on the closed door. 

“Come on in,” Mr. Bodecker drawls from the other side. 

You open the door and step into the doorway, “hello, Mr. Bodecker. Just letting you know I’ve got my stuff moved and I’ll be taking over for the time being, as requested by Mr. Barber.” 

“Barber? Old pal,” he says. “He sent you?” 

You hear it all in his tone. He sent you? I asked for a replacement, not an old lady. You don’t let it bother you. You’re not there for his pleasure. 

“Yes, me,” you confirm. “Is there anything I can do?” 

“Coffee, darlin’,” he winks. 

“Coffee?” 

“Double sugar, no cream.” 

“Sir, I’m an admin assistant, not an intern. I was referring more to your calendar or some tasks--” 

“I asked for the position to be filled. That means getting my coffee, sweetheart.” 

“Mm, sir,” you enunciate the last word sternly. “Again, I’m a professional. I don’t get anyone’s coffee but my own. Would you like me to review your meetings? Should I set aside some time to keep minutes for anything?” 

He huffs and sits back, his face wrinkling in consternation, “you can get outta my office.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

You close the door gently and return to the desk. You sit and tuck away your things in the single drawer. When you finally get sorted, you boot up your computer. Almost at once, a notification pops up. You click on it and a conversation expands across the screen. 

‘Thanks again for taking on the extra work. Please do your best to keep Mr. Bodecker happy. He’s working on a very important project.’ 

You review Mr. Barber’s message. The timing is peculiar. 

‘Yes, sir. I’ve checked in and offered to help arrange his schedule and tasks. I am awaiting further directive but will do my best to support.’ 

Three dots, then none, then three again. The next message pops up. 

‘Get him his coffee.’ 

Really? What is he, a child? Tattling on you? Over a cup of coffee. 

‘Sir, I understood I would perform admin work.’ 

The little eye blips down to show that your message is seen but no message comes. You shake your head and open your inbox. If the success of your work hinges on coffee, then you’re just as good going back with the others. 

You recognise Mr. Barber’s gait. You look up as he appears from around the corner. You sit up and greet him. His hands are in his pocket, his jacket pushed back, his neck and jaw tight. 

“I understand that you don’t think it’s part of your role but for now, it is. You will get Bodecker his coffee and anything else he asks for,” he says without courtesy. 

You try not to show your irritation. It isn’t just the task. You’re not some housewife or barista. On top of that, these men don’t talk to the young ones like this. Or the moms. Nicole and Anna can just mention daycare of soccer and they can get leeway and Melissa, so nice but young, she just needs to smile. That stopped working for you a long time ago. 

“Coffee,” you type as you speak, “I will add it to my roster, sir. I understand. Very important work.” 

“Come on,” he steps closer, looking down at you, “don't be like this. You’re a good worker. You know I respect you and appreciate everything you’ve done. It’s just coffee.” 

“Oh yes, just coffee,” you agree and stand up. “I better go put the pot on. Would you like a cup too, Mr. Barber?” 

He gives a slow blink and pushes his tongue into his cheek, “no, thank you.” 

His own agitation leaks through. He got what he wanted but you didn’t give him the deference he expected. You didn’t apologise for it. You just accepted it. You’ll do it, but you won’t be happy about it. 

“Try a smile,” Barber slips his hand from his pocket and taps the corner of the desk, “it might make things a little easier.” 

You stare at him. He lingers and when you don’t change your expression, he sighs and strides off. How many times had a man told you to smile? Why should you? For them? That’s why you don’t want to get the coffee; you give a little, they’ll take it all. 

[luffyvace]

Ciel Phantomhive relationship hcs~

He looks so goood in the new artsyle! The animation studio did black butler justice!!

Update: did undertaker will Alois sooner or later 😉

Okay in these hcs your whatever gender you want but your an earl/noble ;}

also Lizzy is your friend and she introduced you to Ciel

okay now that that’s cleared

when Ciel first met you let’s be honest here he probably didn’t fall head over heels in love with you 🗿

cmon guys let’s be realistic

but he certainly did live up to the expectation of the phantomhive hospitality!

he was very thoughtful and caring of you as his guest~

and your comfort definitely took priority!

your were throughly impressed!

he held a small smile as he chatted with you and gave a mini tour

he admits to himself he finds you to be very beautiful/handsome

onwards to after the courtship! :)

when you first start dating it’ll be the phantomhive hospitality all over again

…times 100.

<3

Sebastian might as well be your butler by the way he’s making your butler/maid look

LOL

your pillows are fluffed and your sheets and blankets are warm and clean each day

(thanks mey rin 💗🗣)

the food is always scrumdidiliumstious (scrumptious)

you play many, many games to keep you from being bored

any drink you want is in your grasp

whatever you want to do—as long as Ciel’s not busy—sounds wonderful to him! 😊

if you annoy him like how Lizzy does in the anime you’ll never hear of it

and I mean- don’t get me wrong he’s not perfect

especially not someone such as him, who has a lot of stress on him

so you might here a huff (that you weren’t supposed to hear)

but he’s sure to make it up to you quickly 💖

his love languages are acts of service and gift giving

half because those two things can be materialistic which ngl is kinda easier for him

particularly when it comes to showing love and affection

and half because he feels really good when he gifts you something you love

even if you don’t have a grand reaction he still feels satisfied

and acts of service is easy too!

he can simply tell Sebastian to do whatever it is you want!

even though you have your own butler/maid- 😃

AHAHHAHA

He most certainly won’t like pda

If you initate it he won’t shove you off obviously

he loves you!

and that’ll ruin his reputation!

but when your back at the manor he’ll gently break it to you that he’s not comfortable with it and it’s not that he doesn’t love you it’s just that!-

he also plays it very safe when it comes to what you do in the public eye

everyones looking for him to screw up

Even more so because he’s so young

to which he always make sure to use utmost care and delicacy when out and about with you

honestly I feel Ciel would like someone who’s a bit more patient or calm

at least don’t be bouncing off the walls 😞😭

he enjoys going on walks in his or your garden

I think he would be happy with traveling as well

somewhere relaxing and quiet

less bustling with chatter and carriages

It’d make a perfect anniversary gift for him *hint hint* 😉

even though I’m sure he’d have more than enough activities for you all planned

i know you two’ll work it out 💕

Ciel absolutely keeps you away. from Alois

he tells you who he is (some things) and all so you don’t get too curious

so please, don’t be curious.

that killed that cat! :P

Ciel would want you to try out Earl Gray but if you don’t like it he wouldn’t mind indulging in what you like 👍

Ciel doesn’t believe himself to be the best possible candidate for a partner out there

Even though he believes he needs to be. for you.

what you think?

when you hear the word ‘love’ he’s the first person that comes to mind ♥︎

:3 cute.

Yus undertaker next ♪( ´▽｀)

[smallestapplin]

[Request]

Hear me out

Dante growing needier and more cuddly and touchy for you the longer you know him.

His demon has decided you were a perfect mate, so it shows up in his human form a lot more. He grows extra affectionate 👉👈 🥺

All he wants to do is curl up with you! Especially after a long day!

-Silver Anon

This request hasn’t left my mind since you sent it.

Also this is my first time writing Dante, so I hope it’s good! I love the wacky woohoo pizza man 🥹

-

-

You were the newest member to the devil may cry-family, one Dante couldn’t get away from, not that he ever wanted to. You helped him manage his missions and helped him around HQ, which he greatly appreciated with how busy he gets.

So it was natural you two spent more time together.

You’d sometimes join him on missions, or help him out when he was stuck on something. You two form your inside jokes, playfully teasing each other, but nothing too far.

It’s something that took you a while to notice.

But Dante isn’t that touchy with everyone else.

He doesn’t avoid touches, usually tossing an arm over someone, or using someone as an armrest.

But with you it’s different.

Once his arm is around you, it’s like it’s never coming off.

Once his arm is on your lower back, thumb rubbing soothing circles, it’ll never move from there unless he has to.

Even later at night when you stay over, he always gets closer and closer to you on the couch, and before you know it he’s laying on top of you, snuggled up and passed out happily.

You can’t complain, you love it. His touch just feels right, you feel safe and secure with him.

“Dante.” Your voice no more than a whisper, gently shaking his shoulders.

“Dante it’s time for bed, I gotta head home.”

You love his touch, even if he’s a pain to get up.

“Mmmm no.”

You mock a gasp, laughing at how needy he is.

Here you are pinned under him on the couch, with his inhumanly hot body keeping you toasty, even well past the time you had to leave.

You choke back a chuckle as he nuzzled his face further into your neck, his scruff tickling your skin. But his breath fanning across the crook of your neck makes you tremble.

“I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go.”

You lightly pat his back, only to be shocked when a quick but low growl rumbles from him. You knew he was an affectionate man, but you’ve never had him be so needy.

He lifts his head, barely able to look at you through the messy white hair on his face.

“Lemme walk you home then, it’s late.”

You’re happy to let him.

But throughout the walk, his arm constantly brushes against yours with how close he walks, until he takes your hand in his. You smile at his actions, finding his need to be touching you cute, especially from him.

That is until you’re on the doorstep of your home.

“Thank you for walking with me.”

“Ain’t a problem.”

He smiles at you, yet doesn’t move from the porch, even as you unlock your door.

Looking back at him, he looks as though he wants to say something but is not sure.

Almost hopefully but pouty.

“Do you not want to leave that badly?” Your voice light, teasing the Demon Hunter.

“I’ll miss you.” he sounds like a kicked puppy, and in a way he is.

He can feel the devil within him crying desperately for you, he’s grown so attached to you that you bring that instinct out of him.

You pull Dante into a hug, unable to resist doing so, but he’s not at all complaining, his arms are swiftly around you and holding you firmly against him.

His face buried into your shoulder, leaving you laughing softly at the man.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, you know that.”

“Mmmm….”

You stay like that for a long moment, basking in his warmth and comforting scent. But a thought hits you, and you pull away from him, just enough to move his face to look at him.

You can feel your face burning before you ask.

“Would you like to stay the night?”

You squeal, laughing as Dante picks you up, practically sprinting to your bedroom before tossing you to your bed.

Your laughter echoes in your room as you bounce from the force.

Dante dives after you, landing on top of you with a loud rumbling purr. He nuzzles into you, kicking his shoes off without moving just so he can stay closer to you.

“You’re so needy.”

You lean your head on top of his, your laughter dying down to a soft chuckle.

“Only for you.”

You’re amazed at how he can speak through sounding like a very happy cat.

That morning was even harder to break free from.

As your new boyfriend was only more affectionate.

When you two began dating it only got worse.

Trying to work will never go smoothly as you’re being constantly pulled into kisses, and pulled into his lap so he can shower you with his affection.

“Dante, the phone is ringing.”

“Mmmmm.”

“Dante-“

“Noooo.” He groans, burying his face further into your neck. His arms tighten around you, keeping you close to his chest as he gives you no room to get up.

You’re stuck cuddling him, but you can’t even find it in yourself to be upset with him.

“My sweet love bug, we need money to pay the bills.” You mumble, kissing his temple.

Only for him to groan loudly in response.

You yelp as he suddenly stands, carrying you in his arms towards the still-ringing phone. Dante plops on his desk, getting you on his lap as he answers the phone.

His arm stays around you, rubbing small circles on your thigh.

He stays on the phone, listening to the person on the other end while placing silent kisses on your cheek and down to your neck.

All you gather from it is he accepts the person's offer and is quick to hang up but doesn’t move.

“You promised.” You said in a sing-song tone, chuckling at his obvious misery when you say that.

“C’mon baby, don’t make me go now, I just got ya in my lap.”

He looks at you with such a pitiful pout, clearly trying to get you to cave.

But you cup his cheeks and lean in, your lips brushing against his for a moment before you kiss him, smiling into it at the feeling of him going limp and trying to press more against you.

He chases your lips when you pull away, whining when you’re just out of reach.

“I’ll be here waiting for you, I always am.”

“But I don’t like leaving you.”

He can protect you when he’s here, he can love on you when he’s not on the job.

“Honey, we need to keep the lights on. Besides, the welcome home kiss is always sweeter.”

Oh, that has his attention.

Just don’t be surprised when a massive fiery demon comes barreling through the door, eyes locked onto you and caging you against its solid frame, and wings wrapping around you.

[small-sinclair]

“My ex-boyfriend is here, please scent me before he tries to do something.”

Sinclair Brothers x fem!y/n

Enjoy @katerinaval

Tw: PTSD shown, anxiety filled reader, mention of marking, throwing up, confronting abuser, fighting, biting, not proofread

Welcomed readers: @sketchy-rosewitch, @fluffy-little-demon, @lovely-cryptid, @pori0t-houck, @ninakuli

Don’t Own Me

She was able to run this far, and it was a great time, too. Finding her new life in Ambrose with the Sinclairs to share her felt like a dream, and y/n knew that dream would come to an end. She couldn’t run forever, but she tried and tried until her legs caved in and she went under the cracks in the hour glass. Shame, she liked her new family, new pack that she called her own.

All three claimed her as soon as she came to town. After Bo bit her shoulder, claiming her first, his brothers soon followed, each taking turns with her until she felt safe enough to allow it though she never had a word to who gets to claim her, these three took time to make sure she felt safe with it. Vincent took her left shoulder, biting just hard enough to make his mark, but he made sure her scars were taken care of. Lester, however, didn’t mark her like Bo or Vincent. Instead, he made her a necklace, a wooden butterfly charm with his initials carved on the wings. Besides, having one Alpha was good, but her mind raced when she was claimed by two Alphas and a goofy Beta. What a lucky girl you are, y/n.

The perks? Y/n never felt alone or was never truly alone. There was always someone there to hold her hand, to comfort her, check on her… to feel and be loved.

The mornings were always the same: Lester, the Beta, wakes her with gentle kisses and nudges. When she wakes, y/n is with him in the kitchen cooking breakfast for the other two, Bo and Vincent.

Strong coffee in Snoopy mugs. Morning news on. Jonesy feed and let out (sometimes she returns with a rock in her jaws as a gift for y/n). Morning kisses from Bo and Vincent. Eggs and hot dogs. The day’s plan. Vincent leaves, followed by Lester (who has a thermest of coffee and a sack lunch), and Bo stays behind to help you with dishes. As always, he dried while she washes. Small talk or no talk, it didn’t matter; she was safe. He takes his cap off the hook. He hugs and kisses her goodbye until lunch.

Throughout the day, y/n keeps busy in the house cleaning or getting dinner ready. On full moon days, she makes sure there’s enough food, and her headphones have to be fully charged or she’s not running through the brush (y/n has to put her foot down somewhere, right?). But it’s not a full moon night; it’s Thursday, Laundry Day. And it’ll be a warm enough day to hang clothes on the line earlier in the morning, giving her time in the afternoon to hang out with all three if she’s lucky.

She hummed happily as she put up Vincent’s shirt and sweater on the line as the morning sun turned the grass from gold to green. The radio played softly from the steps, Jonesy laying at the steps with her new rock.

“What a clever girl,” y/n hummed as she patted her head. “Always bright and happy. Such a good girl—“

A good girl, indeed.

Her head perked up and she looked at the trees and the marsh. Scared eyes scanned over the willows and morning glories. His voice carried over the trees and gators floating in the marsh. Y/n hesitantly took steps back as the honeydew and marsh water smell drifted over her skin and hair, feeling his fingers in his hair again.

Y/n doesn’t hesitate to run into the house, Jonesy on her heels. He’s not here, she kept telling herself. He’s not… he can’t be!

She took her red and black plaid off the hook and started out the house towards the shop. It’s 10:30am, which means Vincent and Bo are taking their smoke break while Lester finishes up his last bit of coffee. If he has anymore for the day, his heart might explode. Still, she ran towards the shop, her feet digging into the lose gravel. She just wants to run, to be near them. They promised to keep you safe from everyone and everything, and they didn't want to go back on it even if she thought she heard him.

But time is limited in a town like this and to the Sinclairs. It was only a matter of time before she was founded by him, and she wasn't looking forward to it. Bo knows his scent. Vincent knows what he looks like. Lester knows what he sounds like. All three knew the plan if he ever stepped foot in this town, and that should make her feel safe, right? So, why isn't it? Why is she seeing his shadow over the windows and locked doors? Why is she hearing his laughter in the trees and flowers? Why does she hear his truck gunning behind her as she runs towards the garage? The engine roaring to life on the heat of her neck and her thoughts turning--why? Why?

Panic swelled in her chest as she rounded to corner with Jonesy on her heels, no truck behind her. The closer she was to her Alphas and Beta, the better she'll feel. The better she'll think. It's not on the schedule, but she wanted to feel that safety net around her shoulders and hair again. It'll be for the best if she's with them, and it didn't matter how. Riding in Lester's truck, downstairs with Vincent, or sitting on the counter in the main office of the shop while Bo works; all sounded amazing to her. Y/n just wanted the buzzing feeling in her skull.

***************

Bo's head jerked up suddenly from the truck, his body stiffing at the new smell. It hit him like a wall of bricks, and he recoiled at it. It smelled worse than Lester's kill pit, and it was worse than the smell of burning human flesh melting under wax. He covered his nose with his sleeve, wiping his nose over the cloth. It was terrible, and it tore his stomach apart. The smell of sulfur, churned milk, and decaying alligator meat baking in the sun all mixed together in one; that's how he would describe it to anyone who listens. He threw his rag and hurried to the trash can in the corner, his stomach finally giving up, as the smell grew stronger.

"Shit," he managed to breath out before throwing up again. This was a new scent, and he hated it. He wanted to find that smell and kill it with fire or with his hands. One way or another, it was going to die. "I swear to God, if Lester killed something close here--"

But he knew it wasn't that. He knew better.

"Y/n?' He breathed as he looked at the door, thinking she was there.

Something's wrong.

*******************

Vincent threw his mask off in time to throw-up in the trash can in the basement. The smell was faint, yes, but it was too much all at once. He was just trying to finish the guy, who came in biker shorts last week, when the smell hit him. He couldn't find the words to describe it; all he wanted to do was find the smell and stomp it out.

"Fuck," he hisses lowly as he slowly sat up. He took his mask and was about to put it on when he thought of y/n... something wasn't right.

He took his pack of cigarettes and started towards the shop. It is 10:30am, and she'll be there. She has to be there.

*******************

As much as Lester would like to throw up, he couldn't. He was driving with a new victim, and he didn't want the man to think he knows who he is. He didn't want to give himself away too early. Not yet. Will Bo forgive him? No. Will y/n forgive him?

"Hey, buddy," Lester jolted as the man talked. "Did you here me?"

What? He was talking? "Oh, nah. No," Lester answered as he looked back at the road. "Sorry 'bout 'at. Sometimes I jus' get lost in my head. 'At's all."

"Damn hick," the man murmured. "I asked how close we were. Just want to get back on the road, you know?"

Lester faked a smile. "We're almost close. Just ov'a the bridge an' we're there." Goodness, Bo's going to kill him. "You're comin' at a good time. Normally, Bo'll be busy in the afternoon wit' all them bus engines." He looked back at the road and gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white. The man smelled horrible. After this is over, he wants to wash the inside and outside of his truck until the smell is gone. "He works on 'em for the school uptown."

The man looked back at Lester then at the road. "Always wanted kids, but," he shook his head, "my girl had different plans."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah," he hummed, leaning back in the seat. "The bitch ran off in the middle of the night. Never found her."

Don't call her 'bitch', mate.

As soon as the welcome sign came into view and he was driving over the bridge, he knew Hell would be raised as soon as he they step out of the truck. He knew that everything would crash and burn, and he was willing to watch it happen and take part. He just wants to protect y/n. He promised her as a man and as a Sinclair. He won't go back on his word now, not while he's in the truck entering Bo's territory.

Let the games begin.

***************

When y/n rounded the corner, she let out a scream when she bumped into Bo's chest. He pulls her into his arms and hugs her, hushing her gently in her hair.

"Calm down, darlin," he hummed. "It'll be right." He heard Lester's truck humming down the road, and it was out of view. "Get inside. Vincent's there-"

"Bo?"

He kisses her knuckles, his lips dry and cracked. It was his way of marking her. "We'll come up with a plan, honeycomb. Promise." He turns and usher's her inside. "Go to the back. I'll grab Les and meet you there."

"But-"

He didn't have time for this. "Go, now, y/n." He kisses her hand. "Vincent'll keep you safe if something happens. We'll be there." With that, he pushes her in and fixes his hat. he can't let that son-of-a-bitch know she's here. He can't risk it.

Lester parked in front of the station by the gas pumps and stepped out. He looked pale, and his cheeks were flushed and turning green. He was trying so hard for his brothers, for y/n, to keep it together.

Bo wanted to slit his throat right then and there, but he turned on the charm. "Howdy," he greeted with a smile. "What can do fer ya?"

"Need a 16 spark plug." The man answered for Lester. "I think it's a double blue liner."

"Need the can," Lester breathed as he sped past Bo, making towards the restroom. Unfortunately, when he was out of view of the two and made eye contact with Vincent and y/n, he shot his head away and threw-up in the the same trash can Bo used. “Hate it,” he breathed as he sat up, whipping his mouth. “Hate it all.”

Y/n held out her hands and he joined her side, Lester kissing her cheek. She held on to him with one arm as another squeezed Vincent’s hand. She just wanted this to end, to be brave and have her life—

But y/n already had that. All of that! She was loved and scared for! She was protected and safe here. Right here with three of the strongest people she’s ever been around. And they love her.

Y/n is tired of running.

“Scent me.”

The order startled Lester as he pulled away from her arms. His hands slipped over her cheeks. “What? Sweet pea, no—“

“I’m tired, Les,” she sighed. “I’m tired of running. I’m tired if Mick.”

“Y/n—“

“My ex-boyfriend is here, please scent me before he tries to do something.” Then a tired grin crossed her lips. “I want it to stop.” Then she glanced over her shoulder at Vincent. “You, too, Vincent. Mark me. Both of you.”

Lester’s thumbed her cheeks and kissed her. “Okay, sweet pea,” he hummed in a whisper. “Promise it won’t hurt.” From behind, y/n felt Vincent’s mask lift slightly up. “We promise.”

************

Bo was slammed against the side of Lester’s truck, a wicked grin crossing his lips, and he wiped the blood away from his noise. He hasn’t had a good fight in a long-ass time. He pushed himself off the truck and swung again, hitting Mick square under the jaw, then tackled him to the ground.

Mick held up his arms to shield his face as Bo put blow after blow over his skin. He’s been waiting for this prick to come against him and his brothers (but mainly him), and he just wanted to savor this moment of pain. For every hit and smack, for all the pain and bruises, for ever cigarette burns across y/n’s back— Bo was going to have his share of blood before noon. He’ll make sure he pays.

But when her shadow casts over them, Bo froze. He took a step back and let go of Mick. He joined your side as he saw the fresh bite mark on your neck from Vincent, and a bruised kiss on your shoulder from Lester. With his scent over your hands, Bo smiled. All three smells mixed over y/n like a sweet candle burning in a cozy cottage. No placed a hand on her hip as he leaned down and kissed her lips.

“Leave,” she said in a strong voice. “You don’t own me anymore.”

Mick slowly stood, his eyes in shock. “You… you’re a whore—“

“At least I know I’m loved,” she snapped. “I’m loved by three amazing wolves. Two alphas who will kill for me. A beta who would gut you alive. All three love me.” Her voice was strong as she held Bo’s hand tightly. Behind, she felt Vincent’s hand on her shoulder and Lester pulling out his Bowie to show Mick he was ready for the hunt. “You don’t own me, Mick. You’ll never have me. Ever again.”

Mick looked at you with disbelief, shaking his head. “Y/n, you can’t be for real—“

“I mean it, Mick.” Her voice stayed strong.

“But… but I still love you.”

She shakes her head. “And I don’t love you.” She looked up at Bo, strong and confident. “Get what he needs so he can leave. I don’t want to see him again.”

“We could kill him,” Lester suggested. “Say the word and—“

“No,” she shakes her head, her eyes snapping back at Mick. “Death is too great for him. Let him live.”

He doesn’t owe her anymore. No one owns her.

No one.

[jasntodds]

Penance [4]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 7,682

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, a little bit of angst, some fluff, mentions of death, some blood, panic attack (jason), bits of ptsd, some violence, hurt/comfort

Summary:❝Thesus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. Thesus: Stain them. I don’t care.❞

It’s been a month and a half since Crane’s reign of terror was stopped, leaving Gotham to finally return to normal. But, what is normal? After everything Jason and you have been through, it seems normal might be some unobtainable dream state. But that’s not going to stop either of you from trying and maybe, you’ll get lucky in the end. At the end of it, the two of you have suffered enough, right?

Right?

A/N: I might have gotten this idea from 911 but that's fine lol I hope you guys like it!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

As the next day comes around, it takes Jason some time to convince Tim not to go looking for Venta if they’re going out later. Tim is thrilled to be helping with the Penguin to the point Jason finds the whole thing a little funny. Jason was always excited to go out as Robin. It was the coolest thing ever but Tim really is over the moon about it. Jason doesn’t think Tim has ever been happier about it and it actually worries him.

As much as Jason is happy for him, he is worried. He’s worried Tim will put his all into Robin and lose himself in it, just like Dick and Jason did. Robin was never something they got to do. It was given to them as a way to cover up their grief. It was a way to weaponize their grief rather than work through it. Jason hopes that won’t be the case for Tim. It doesn’t seem that way. It seems he just wants it for the greater good and he’s just excited. And the way he’s excited is still very serious like he knows he can’t let that excitement out onto the field so he lets it out now where it’s safe. It’s something he knows he has to take seriously. Jason worries but he hopes it’ll work out because he can tell that Tim will be a good Robin.

You meet the boys back at Jason's around midnight, a case in hand with your suit. You're pretty excited to go out on a mission with not only Tim for the first time, but also Jason. You really miss that stuff with him. But, with Tim, it’s new and you're excited to see how he does. No one can’t stop him from being Robin and being out there, so you might as well embrace it and that’s what you're doing even if you're terrified of it.

“Really gonna take down the Penguin.” Tim says almost in awe once you're dressed and back in the main corridor downstairs.

“Pretty sure we’re not taking him down, really.” You nod your head as Tim moves his staff around with pent-up energy.

“Kind of.” Tim defends.

“We’re just securing the guns and turning them over to Babs.” Jason reminds him as he walks in now in his Red Hood suit, the helmet on his hip. “Not taking out Penguin, he’s not even supposed to be there this time.”

“The fuck he is doing that he’s not gonna be at his own shipment?” You question, your stare directly at Jason and you can't help but feel maybe that's a bit weird.

“Fuck if I know, Penguin things.” Jason lets out a scoff. "Could think we wouldn't come for him since we haven't." Jason shrugs casually, it's not the first time Penguin hasn't been around so he isn't too concerned about it.

“What a weirdo.” You let out a sigh, shrugging the uneasiest from your bones with the ease of Jason's voice.

“Yeah.” Jason chuckles softly. “Alright, let’s get going. Tim, you ride with her.” Jason hands Tim a spare helmet. Jason heads for the exit, the two of you right behind him. “And just make sure you do what we say.”

“Got it.” Tim nods.

“Then, let’s get out of here.” Jason nods once as the three of you exit the building.

The three of you ride over to the warehouse near Harbor that Penguin is using. The three of you get to a roof, laying down to look over the edge as the three of you closely watch as the shipment is taken from one of the boats and moved into the warehouse. Penguin isn’t here it seems and only a handful of his goons are. That’s a red flag, Jason and you can both sense it. You exchange a glance but you're already here and you gave Babs a heads up. It'd be a little hard to leave now so you just keep watching, hoping this won't cause too many problems.

Once the lot is cleared of goons, the three of you make your way to the roof of the warehouse, Tim trailing along well. On top of the roof, there's a skylight where you can see the crates in the center of the room with the goons armed and looking around. This isn't anything you and Jason haven't done before so you both give Tim a quick rundown of a plan. Tim gets two goons while you and Jason will take out the rest and if he's in trouble just call out. Once Tim seems to be up to speed, Jason and you break the window first, using your grappling hooks to lower yourselves down quickly, Tim right behind with his own grappling hook.

You take your own four goons with ease while Jason takes the other four, leaving Tim with just the two. You and Jason find yourselves looking over your shoulders to make sure Tim isn’t laid out but every time you both check, he seems to be holding his own pretty well. By the time you and Jason have your goons down, Tim has his down, a proud smile on his face.

“I got them.” Tim says breathlessly. “Wasn’t so bad.”

You look over to Jason with the roll of your eyes. “Okay, Robin.” You nod once before you let out a breath.

“Let’s make sure everything is here and we’ll put in the call.” Jason says as the three of you start opening the crates finding several automatic weapons.

“What’s he doing with all of them anyway?” Tim asks, standing beside you.

“Penguin things.” You and Jason say at the same time.

“Right…” Tim lets out a breath.

This has gone pretty well so far according to you and Jason but that is what's not sitting right. Nothing with these guys ever goes exactly according to plan. That was one of the reasons Jason wanted to bring Tim so he would have to learn to adapt but nothing else is happening. Penguin isn't here and his goons barely even put up a fight. You need to get out of here, this isn't right.

“You didn’t think this would be that easy did you?” A nasally voice says from the platform above the three of you.

The three of you turn to see Penguin with his right hand right next to him. He looks a bit too excited and happy to be here. Jason wants to bang his head against a wall and you're nearly rolling your eyes into the back of your head. This was too easy and for Penguin to seem awfully pleased with himself, this is about to get very bad.

“We can take your goons all night, man. Or you can just walk the fuck away.” Jason offers as he crosses his arms.

Penguin tilts his head back and laughs. “That won’t be necessary. The two of you really are some replacements. And you even have your own sidekick!”

“Hey!” Tim yells, taking a step forward.

You grab his arm with a tight grip. “Shut up.” You grit your teeth at him. "Sounds like you could use a sidekick or two though." You quip back to Penguin. "Planning this with the Bat to of town? What? You scared or something, Penguin?"

“I'm not scared." Penguin says it so casually it sends a chill down your spine. "I knew you’d get in the way which is why I prepared for that!” Pengiun chimes. "You really should know something about that, Red Hood." Penguin mocks before he pulls out a detonator.

A bomb. Of course, it’s a fucking bomb.

“Have fun.” Penguin smiles at the three of you before he presses the button and immediately starts walking out.

You and Jason exchange a stare as a ticking echoes around you. You won’t have time. Penguin planned this so you wouldn’t have time even with his warning. There's no time to find the bomb and disable it, there's not even enough time to get out of the building. How did you both miss this?

It's all going in slow motion as Jason can see the panic wanting to stretch over your face, Tim looking petrified right beside you. There isn’t time to even reach you. And even if there was, what’s he supposed to do? He can’t catch a building. There’s only one thing to do and it’s as if you share the exact same thought that he does in that single second.

Jason and you turn at the same time to run towards the exit, you grabbing Tim by the arm to drag him along. The ticking quickens from above you. You’re out of time. You’re out of time and there’s nothing else left to do. The ticking echoes and echoes and in a split second, Jason is running behind a pillar and you grab the edge of your cape before wrapping it around Tim as you tackle him to the ground.

And the bomb goes off less than a second later.

The warehouse rumbles and vibrates as Jason is tucked into a ball behind the pillar, his hands covering his neck as if waiting for a tornado to hit. The rumbling shakes his bones and it’s so loud. Every rumble and echo shatter through his bones. His eyes are slammed shut as the warehouse fills with smoke as the roof starts to collapse. Jason’s chest starts to burn and it shouldn’t.

The mask has a ventilator. His chest shouldn’t hurt but it does and he thinks his ears are bleeding. His bones are stinging. Why are his bones stinging? Why is so hard to breathe? His eyes burn and sting even with them closed. Not again. This can't be happening again. Panic spreads itself over Jason like an itchy weighted blanket. He doesn't want to die again. Dying is terrifying and the building is collapsing around him. A part of him thinks he can hear the crude laugh of the Joker echoing somewhere through the shattering concrete. It all feels too much and he can't breathe. Every part of him is shaking as he's been left out to the elements in the middle of February. This can't be happening.

And then it all falls eerily silent.

Jason's breath is quick and uneven as he tries to ground himself. It's silent, the collapsing is over. It takes him a few minutes to try to gather himself, desperately trying to pull his mind away from the edge of terror. This is the first time something like this has happened since the Joker. Jason thinks the fear isn't any better the second time around.

He thinks it's worse.

But, he finds it in himself to finally slowly pull his hands away from his neck, his arms feeling like warm jello as they shake. He slowly sits up partially, looking around what was the warehouse. It’s cloudy, filled with dust and smoke. It’s hard to even see a few feet in front of him but he looks over to where you last were with Tim and he can’t see anything. The dust is too thick and he can’t help but let the panic start to flood his blood again.

He has the helmet. His eyes are protected but what about yours? Your mask has a ventilator but what if it doesn’t work? Do you even communicate enough with Bruce to make sure your equipment is working? And Tim doesn’t have any eye protection or a ventilator. It doesn’t matter if you're on your own, you and Tim are Jason’s responsibility. He’s the most experienced. He should have known this wasn’t right. Something should have went off in his head. He should have fucking known. Why didn’t he know?

The dust starts to dissipate with every passing second and Jason gets a better glimpse where you and Tim last were. He swears he’s going to be sick as his heart stops beating as it shoots into his throat. There’s a pile of cement from the ceiling. A long pile where that part of the ceiling collapsed and there is no sight of blue or red. There’s not yellow or black. It’s just brown and grey.

No.

Jason gets to his feet as fast as his legs will allow him and he sprints over to the cement. Not you. Not you. Not you. It can’t be you. He grabs one of the cement blocks and starts trying to pull it away to make a hole in the pile. He can feel the panic taking over again.

It’s been better. It’s been better again since he started seeing Leslie again. He can feel the panic sometimes but it’s better. He can fight through it usually and it doesn’t cause him as much distress out in the field. But, now it’s coming back like a wrecking ball. It’s been easier because he hasn’t had someone to look out for. It’s been easier because he hasn’t had to worry even if he always does. It was always fine if he had to eat it. But, being here and digging through a pile of cement in hopes you’re both alive, that’s different.

If he had to die again, that'd be fine as terrifying as it is. But, the thought it being someone else, being people that he actually cares about, that's an entirely other story.

“Blue!” Jason yells as loud as his can, his voice is raw and he hates the sound of it in his ears. It sounds desperate and scared but he is both of those things. Not you. “Robin!” He calls after, this time stronger, hoping he’ll hear one of you yell back.

The thought of seeing you crushed brings instant tears to his eyes and his stomach twist. He thinks about how you haven’t talked in a month and that’s such a waste. Why the fuck didn’t he just call you? He should have fucking called you. He’s panicking and he hates it but seeing you dead is his greatest fear today. He knows what it’s like to die and to die scared. You were scared. You don’t deserve it. It can’t be you. Please, not you.

And he knows Dick is gonna kill him if Tim dies on his watch. Tim just started and he volunteered for this. He can't be punished for wanting to do something for the greater good, for just wanting to help. It can’t be Tim either. Somehow, you both need to be alive under this pile.

Jason’s teeth grit before he rips the helmet from his head, annoyed by the vision of it. And he gets to work on the cement again. You both have to be alive. There is not another option. You have to be. And then he gets a glimpse of a bright blue fabric.

Jason forgets how to breathe and he works faster, pulling the concrete away as fast as his muscles will even allow. He’s able to make a big enough hole in the pile to reach you and just as he looks into the hole, there’s movement. He still isn’t breathing as he waits to see who it is and not a single part of him can even think to hope who he wants it to be because it has to be both of you.

And then you look up at him.

Jason lets out a breath.

Your eyes are wide and your face is covered in dust, a stream of blood falling down the side of your face. But he can tell by the softness in your eyes that you're relieved to see him, too.

The building fell on you and Tim. The building fucking collapsed on you and you have no idea why you thought your cape would help but it was something you could try. And then you got pinned. You think you’d normally start to panic because you were practically entirely on top of Tim and you couldn’t move. You both could have been trapped there but you know Jason has a habit of living through some fucked up shit. Something in you knew if he made it, he’d be there. He’d never let either of you rot under a pile of concrete. You knew he’d come.

Jason always comes.

And then Tim looks up, too.

Jason shakes his head, looking down for a second to gather himself before he offers a hand. You take his hand in yours as Jason pulls you out. He’s careful but deliberate making sure you don’t slip. Once you're on solid ground, he wastes no time in looking you over, his hands coming to your cheeks.

Besides the blood coming from a small cut near your hairline, Jason doesn’t see any other visible injuries. It doesn’t bring him much relief because internal injuries are still a thing and he thinks you should all go to the Batcave and do some scans. For all he knows, it's a lot worse than a small cut and you have to get out of here quickly just to make sure. He just needs to make sure.

“Are you okay?” Jason asks quickly, still looking over you.

Your hands shake as they come to his hands on your cheeks. “I’m fine.” Your voice is soft as you answer him, your thumbs running over his hands. He looks absolutely terrified. You aren't sure you've ever really seen this look on his face before. “I’m okay.” You nod against him as you watch a small part of his face dissolve into relief as his eyes meet yours.

You feel okay though very shaky and weak. Your limbs and back are sore, your ribs feel a little achy but nothing feels wrong. A part of you feels a little out of body and terrified anyway, like there's leftover panic still running through your veins. Being crushed by a building wasn't something you thought would happen and it definitely wasn't something you were prepared for. Gong toe-to-toe with bad guys with guns and knives and fists is the easy part. The uncertainty of a bomb and a collapsing building is a bit horrifying. But, physically, you think you're okay.

“We gotta do some scans at the cave, alright? Make sure there’s no internal bleeding or some shit.” Jason keeps his eyes on yours, trying with everything in him to control the panic in his voice.

“I’m fine—“

“No.” Jason cuts you off. This is one risk he's not willing to take. Your life is the one risk Jason will never take no matter what you want to argue. “You don’t know that, okay?”

Suddenly, it's as if you're back on Amusement Mile that night. It was dark and gloomy, nothing too unusual for a night in Gotham City. But, it felt colder and it all felt wrong. The pit in your stomach gnawed and begged you to turn around. You remember knowing with the very sight of the yellow on the Robin cape. You remember how terrified you were walking up to his body, waiting for the confirmation of your biggest fear. You're thinking you might have shared a similar look to the one Jason is giving you now.

“Okay.” You agree with a gentle nod.

Jason sucks in a breath, his brows still pulled together with worry. "Good."

“Yeah, uh, a little help, please?” Tim calls from behind the two of you.

The two of you drop your hands and immediately turn around.

“Fuck, yeah sorry, man.” Jason rushes.

“Sorry!” You call as the two of you rush back to the hole in the pile Jason made to help Tim.

Once Tim is out of the pile, Jason and you look him over quickly, making sure he isn’t missing a limb and nothing is deformed.

“I’m fine.” Tim assures the two of you, not missing the worry between you. “That was crazy though.” Tim looks around with ease, almost like he’s unbothered. You and Jason give him a confused look. Why is he so fine? “We caught a zombie Deathstroke and are fighting a few demons. I was also shot and killed by Scarecrow.” Tim shrugs casually, already growing used to seeing his life in danger which is not nearly as reassuring as he thinks it is.

“Alright.” You roll your eyes, wishing he'd give some insight on how he's able to handle things well.

“Sure, man.” Jason nods his head, unsure if he's completely convinced someone can just walk away from major traumas perfectly fine. “We’re still doing a scan. Let’s get outta here.” Jason jerks his head towards where he threw his helmet.

“You, too.” You state as Jason grabs his helmet and starts walking towards the exit.

“Me, too what?” Jason asks, adjusting his helmet on his hip.

“Scans.” Tim adds in as him and you start to follow Jason. “If you’re forcing us, you have to, too.” Tim states, thinking that's probably a good idea for all of you anyway. Jason's limp doesn't go unnoticed by Tim and Tim can feel his shoulder starting to ache. He knows you took the brunt of the force.

“Aww, you’re learning." You chime.

Jason lets out a groan, swearing he's the one that's fine. He was not crushed by a building but he's not in the mood to fight with either of you. “Fucking fine.” He doesn’t bother protesting knowing damn well you will get what you want. You will win. You always win when it comes to him.

The three of you get on your bikes and head out of the city and to Wayne Manor, something Tim is very excited about. He wasn’t really going to complain about getting any scans done. Getting scans means going into the Batcave again and this time, it won’t be taken over by Crane. Getting scans means getting to actually hang out in the Batcave this time. Tim would never turn down the opportunity now.

You still want to protest but you saw the worry over Jason’s face. You feel fine besides a headache. But, you aren’t going to take the risk for Jason’s sake. You think back to the times you said you’d die for each other and you think that’s easy. You’d run in front of a bullet for him even today. It doesn’t matter but making sure you're okay enough to live feels harder. You don’t want to die or anything but maybe you’d normally brush this off and then that might be it. But, Jason looks at you with all the love his heart could muster and you can’t do it to him. You can live for him, too.

Once you’re at the manor, the three of you use the tunnel to enter the cave immediately. Jason and you go to the changing area, Tim following right behind you. There are always extra sweats there, just in case in a variety of sizes. You grab some for you and Tim while Jason grabs himself a pair. The three of you go off into different changing rooms and get changed before you meet out in the med area of the cave. You go for the scan first just to get it over with.

Tim of course sits beside Jason as they watch the imaging load. It was something Bruce taught him to look for when Jason first got hurt as Robin. They look for internal bleeding, broken bones, swollen organs, anything they can't see from the outside. They can’t just go to the hospital every time they’re hurt. That would raise some questions so they do the scans here. If something is serious, they can go. Which has yet to happen in Jason’s time as Robin. But, he takes what he learned from Bruce and he passes it onto Tim.

Once your scan is over, you join the boys, sitting beside Jason. The scan doesn’t take much longer to load and it seems everything is okay. It's a relief for all of you even if Jason isn't totally sitting with ease over it. It's a relief but there is something still making him worry anyway. But he keeps it to himself while Tim jumps up, ready for his turn. Once Tim is ready, Jason gets the scans going.

With Tim is the machine, that leaves you and Jason to yourselves and Jason can't quite keep his stare on the computer. You've been hurt before and he hasn't felt like this. Once you get confirmation you're fine, it starts to fade away but tonight, it's as if he's run out of places to dissolve his worry and paranoia. He's not sure what he'd do if something happened to you.

“Let me help.” Jason points to the cut on your forehead before he gets up and grabs some of the supplies.

“Oh, uh, yeah, okay.” You nod before you sit on the counter.

Jason takes out the alcohol pads and carefully wipes some of the blood, you hissing in response. Jason mumbles a quick apology but continues working. It’s not bad. Jason doesn’t even think you need stitches and he thinks you're lucky. You though, you're just watching him carefully. So much has changed and yet this feels like nothing has changed. It feels like it did that first night after Jerry. Something about him moving carefully, gently, but a little rough. He doesn’t say anything and he dodges your eyes. And you think your stomach is swirling and bubbling just as it did that night.

“What’ve you been up to?” You ask quietly, eyes looking right at him.

Jason pauses, looking at you before he goes back to cleaning the cut on your forehead. He shifts slightly, the feeling of being exposed starting to fade right over him. “Usual.” Jason answers. “Taking out dickwads, reading, researching, helping Babs.”

You looked in the mirror after you changed, the cut wasn't bad. He should be done by now but he's taking his time. He's still dodging your stare and he's minding his right leg. His mouth is pressed into a straight line. He's seemed okay besides tonight, happy even. You really hope this doesn't set him back because he should be happy. It's what he deserves. And you wonder if it was all just some sort of facade because Jason hates people knowing what he's thinking. Maybe it was just an act for Tim or for you for some reason.

You hope not.

“Are you happy?” You whisper to him, hoping he'll be honest if he's not and hoping he really is happy with the life he's making for himself.

Jason freezes.

Maybe in the grand scheme of life he is. Generally speaking, he thinks he’s happy most days. He isn’t miserable. And his relationship with Bruce is getting better and his relationship with all of the Titans is getting better. Molly is still one of his best friends. He likes what he does. But, he can’t quite bring himself to say he’s happy. It’s the ache in his bones he can’t shake and the white streak of hair that won’t go away. The Y scar that stares back at him when he looks in the mirror after a shower. The way his leg still fucking hurts sometimes and the nightmares. The panic attacks sometimes that seem to hit him like a freight train out of nowhere. The fact that he feels lonely.

He was so fine being alone for so long and then he was comfortable not being alone. Now, he’s just lonely. He lives alone and he spends a lot of time alone and it’s just lonely. His heart feels like it’s contracting in his chest while a lump finds its way at the base of his throat. And he misses you. Maybe he could live with that choice if it weren’t for everything else. But, he thinks he could live with everything else if he didn’t miss you so much.

“I don’t know.” Jason answers, not wanting to give the real answer but not wanting to lie entirely. “Are you?”

You think you're happy most of the time. You live with Molly so you aren’t alone and you're eternally grateful for that. And you have movie nights. You even have movie nights with Gar and Tim over FaceTime. You and Rachel talk a lot now and you’re on good terms. You love what you do and you love helping Babs. Bruce doesn’t want to kick you out of Gotham. Things feel like they’re getting better. The nightmares have gotten a little better even if you wake Molly up sometimes screaming. But the guilt always comes at night, weighing down every bit that could make you happy. The guilt of everything that happens just chews away part of your happiness as if you aren't allowed to be happy. And maybe you could live with it, if you didn’t miss Jason like you need oxygen. You miss him more than you could ever miss anything.

“I don’t know.” You answer the same way as if you understand and Jason feels seen so he shifts his feet, tossing the alcohol pads into the trash under the table. Jason presses his hands on the counter, resting them beside your thighs as he leans in slightly. He doesn't even fully realize he does it. “You deserve to be happy, Jay.” You keep your voice quiet as Jason’s brows pull together as if he’s in pain.

“So do you.” Jason nods once.

“What would make you happy?” You ask and aren’t sure why you did. Maybe you hope he’ll even jokingly say you and then that’ll give you a reason to tell your guilt to shut up and take a backseat. And you think he might say it because his eyes finally lock on yours and the pain in his face starts to fade.

He thinks it’s you.

“I don’t know.” He answers anyway because admitting it seems unfair to both of you. You’ve been here before and yeah, you both know. You both know it shouldn’t have been the way it was then but it’s different. He isn’t pushing to self-destruct. He just wants to be ready if he tells you and he isn’t sure he is. “What about you?” Jason asks, thinking if you say it, he’ll say it anyway.

You think it's him.

“I don’t know.” You echo and you shake your head before you lean forward, pressing your forehead against his. You feel him relax and you almost want to cry. Jason's hands slowly move onto your thighs and he wants to burst at the seams. You making the move tells Jason everything he needs to know. And Jason relaxing with his hands on your thighs tells you everything you need to know. It's still him and you. “Happy you’re here though…happy you were there tonight.” You say honestly.

“Me, too. Happy you came along tonight.” Jason says back as he pulls away but he keeps his hands on your thighs.

"Thanks for coming to save us." You offer him a subtle smile.

"Of course." Jason nods his head softly. "You and me?" Jason offers the same smile.

Your hand comes to his cheek, running a thumb along the skin and his shoulders relax. “You and me.” You echo.

It’s silent for a few seconds as if you’re both wanting to see where this will go. Unsure where you want it to go. Before, you both knew. You knew you wanted each other so you’d jump the second you could. But this isn’t that. You want each other but there is so much caution in it. You’re both terrified of overstepping boundaries and ruining whatever you’re trying to rebuild. You’re terrified of hurting each other again. You're both worried you aren't ready for something again. So as much as you both want each other, a part of both of you almost feels okay with waiting to make sure it’s right this time. For each other even if you both want to explode.

And then Tim clears his throat.

“Uh, so…am I gonna die again?” Tim quips making you and Jason pull apart.

“Yeah.” Jason answers immediately, glancing at the screen and earning a light tap from you which makes him laugh. Jason actually takes a second to look over the scans before finishing his sentence. “Eventually but not tonight. You’re fine.” Jason finishes.

“Shithead.” You mutter with the roll of your eyes but a smile finds itself across your lips.

“Babe.” Jason grins.

“You two are weird.” Tim mutters as he walks up to the two of you.

“Your turn.” You tap Jason on the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Jason pulls in a breath and makes his way to the scan.

Once Jason is situated, you get the machine going before you look over Tim. The scans are clear and he seems fine. He actually looks really happy which you know is because he's sitting in the Batcave. He's still looking over the Batcomputer, his eyes wandering around the cave every so often. You can't say you blame him really but you're surprised and relieved he's handling things well.

"You can explore if you want, ya know?" You suggest.

"Really?" Tim's eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

"Yeah? You are Robin." You let out a soft laugh and before you can even say another word, Tim is out of his seat.

“What’s going on with you guys anyway?" Tim questions as he makes his way over to the case holding Jason's Robin suit, the blood still staining it. "Looked like I interrupted something.” Tim glances back at you and then the suit before he moves on.

“No.” You shake your head, keeping her eyes on the screen. “Catching up a little bit.”

Tim rolls his eyes and lets out a scoff. “You guys forgot I was crushed by a building." Tim defends, making his way over to the training area.

"I said I was sorry and so did he." You defend even though you know you'll be feeling guilty about that for awhile. "Don't tell Dick though."

"Wasn't going to." Tim chuckles softly. "Seems like there's something going on." Tim states as the cave falls silent. He looks over as you glare back him, very clearly unamused by his observation. "I'm just saying." Tim states as he shrugs his shoulders, going back to looking at the variety of knives Bruce has.

You let out a sigh and decide maybe you will ask Tim for his input. Everyone else knows so much about you and Jason, not just as a couple but as vigilantes. Tim, on the other, doesn't know that side of it. This is the first time Tim is actually even hanging out with Jason for more than a few minutes. He might actually be the perfect person to talk to.

“Alright, listen, can we talk about it later?” You ask. “I do honestly have a headache and to dig into that right now is not what I want to do. But we can talk about it later.”

“Alright.” Tim sighs as he starts making his way back to you.

“Any word about Bernard?” You ask as Tim takes his seat back beside you.

“No change.”

“I’m sorry, Tim.” You say softly. “You guys will figure it out. He’ll be okay.”

“Thanks.” Tim mutters as he leans onto his elbow.

Jason’s scans finish a few minutes later allowing him to rejoin the other two of you. You look over the scans, feeling relief come over you. You figured he was fine, Jason usually is. But, it is nice having actual confirmation he's okay even a part of you will still be glancing him over and watching him carefully just for extra security. Scans can be wrong.

“So?” Jason questions with a knowing look, knowing he is fine.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re fine.” You wave him off with eyes wide to mock him. “Just to be safe.”

“Yeah.” Jason pulls a breath into his lungs and he knows.

He wonders if you’ll always be more worried about him. With not talking now and the whole shit with Crane before, he hasn’t had too much time to even think about it. And you were so worried that whole time because of Crane and because he had just died. But, he wonders about now. Now that some of the dust has settled and you've been away from him. He can tell by how you're still glancing over him as if expecting him to start gushing blood from an invisible wound that you're worried. And he thinks you're more worried than you normally would be. A scan and a look over would usually be enough but not tonight. He wonders if it’s because he died. Maybe you’ll always be trapped in a spiral of worry knowing it might happen again.

Jason thinks that sounds like torture.

He wants to find a way to assure you he’s fine but he’s not really sure what he could possibly do. He’s not fine since dying. It’s hard to walk every day with that kind of weight around his chest but he is physically fine and he wants you to know that. He breathes today and he did yesterday. Before, he thinks he would have made a joke and then kissed you. It’s what he always did and it always calmed your nerves. You would have slept together and if he were injured, you would have known. It was always harder hiding any type of injury from you because either you’d see it, you’d catch him slipping, or he’d flinch when you laid down together. He can’t very well do any of that now. And he can’t possibly say anything because Tim is right here and the last thing Jason wants is to further expose himself to anyone else. So, he just bites back his comments and shrugs it all off.

“We can head back out if you guys are ready.” Jason suggests.

The three of you grab your things before you head from the Batcave and go back to Jason’s place. It’s quiet in your comms. Tim chalks it up to being tired, the adrenaline wearing off for all three of you. Jason just wants to get home and shake the night from his spine. You find yourself wondering if the gravity of vigilante life will ever wear off when something like tonight happens. You love it and you swear you do, it’s just really hard sometimes and you haven’t quite found the right way to cope with it.

You could have died tonight which is a reality most nights and it never seems like too big of a deal to you because it’s you and the person with a gun or a bomb or a knife. It’s just you. Not talking to Jason or seeing him has made it a little easier not to think about him doing the same thing. But tonight, the weight of loss collapsed your shoulders the second that roof fell. Jason pulled you out of the rubble. You heard the way his voice sounded, the tremble and the fear etched into his windpipe. You saw the look on his face when he pulled you out.

Panic. Relief. Panic. Terror. Anger.

And something else you don’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole.

Something about the idea of him suffering in the way you did makes you want to turn the bike around and go as far as you can without looking back. And you think about how he could have been hurt again. You and Tim were trapped easily. What if he was, too? What if the roof fell on him and he died? You aren’t so sure you’d be able to survive the loss of him again. Even as you are today.

When you get back, Tim says a quick goodbye to you before disappearing into the building. Jason takes his time though, watching your brows pinch together as your stare falls anywhere but on him.

“You alright?” He asks carefully.

You nod and offer him a fake smile. “Yeah, all good.” You chew the inside of your cheek and you just don't want to go home. Going home sounds scary and like maybe it won't feel quite like home this time.

Jason nods back. “What’s wrong?”

He keeps his distance from you. He’s standing three feet away from you and he’s thinking that’s for the best. You aren't normally quiet after missions like this. It's as if talking always reassures you that you're both fine. But, tonight you were quiet and you look uncomfortable in your own skin. Jason doesn't want to overstep. He doesn't want to move closer and that be the real problem. You got a little close in the cave and Jason knows how you are with that. He's betting you still like to run so, he keeps his distance for right now.

“Nothing, why?” You ask and you keep your stance from him.

You want to kiss him and tell him you're glad he’s okay. You said it but you want to kiss him until he knows fully. Jason has never been one to take words at face value. He responds better with action and the only way you know to show your love for him is by touch. But, that's not fair to either of you. You would give anything to go back to how it was even if it's just for one night. You wish you could both forget everything that happened, pretend none of it happened. It would be so much easier that way.

“I always know when something’s wrong.” Jason sucks in a breath and he didn’t think he’d be the one pulling for answers from you.

You shake your head and lying to him never came easy.

You swore you’d never lie to him.

“Scary.” Your voice is so small and Jason almost closes the distance between you to engulf you in the tightest hug he could manage without hurting you.

But he cements his feet to the ground below him.

“You’re okay, though. So, is Tim.” Jason assures, his words careful.

“Yeah…” Your voice is still so small and Jason takes one step closer to you, knowing you and Tim aren't your full concern.

“I’m fine, ya know? Like…all good.” Jason keeps his voice level as his eyes scan over your face, looking for any change.

“No, I know.” You nod softly, your voice bigger this time.

You're worried he isn’t. The scans say he is and he says he is. You know he wouldn’t lie to you with you being worried. You know but you're worried anyway. He gets a second chance and he deserves it. He deserves it so much and you just want him to be happy and healthy. You want him to be able to live as the Jason Todd you fell in love with. You don’t want him to have any more trauma to try and bear. You aren’t so sure he could bear it anymore.

You think what would have happened if you didn’t get lucky tonight.

No part of you has to guess how it would go.

He’d blame himself. He’d torture himself inside and out just like you did.

“Just…” You shake your head. “Can you promise me something even if it’s not very fair?” Your eyes finally land on his.

“What?” Jason asks.

“If-if, uh, something happens to me…like anything, c-can you, uh,…not blame yourself, please?” You ask. “I-I know how you are and I saw the way you looked at me tonight. I know what it’s like and…” Your voice trails off.

“What?” Jason pushes, trying to wrap his head around the question. Of all the things you could be worried about, you're worried about how he'd react to you dying.

“I don’t want you to suffer for it.” You state. “You’ll torture yourself, I know you will. So, if something happens to me, can you promise me you won’t do that? Because I would never blame you.”

“What if it is my fault?” Jason scoffs. “Tonight--”

“It won’t be.” You cut him off entirely with so much certainty, it freezes Jason. “I know, despite it all, you would do everything to make sure I was okay. You, uh, you have always just, uh, j-just tried to keep me safe. So, if something happens, I know it won’t be your fault.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen anyway.” Jason answers back, digging his feet in because even a hypothetical question sends his head into a panic.

“But something did happen, Jay!” You yell back in desperation. “Something did!" Your eyes water before your voice comes back down. "I don’t want you to be like me.”

You nearly beg him and Jason is so thrown by what you say, he has to pause and try to understand. He swears you're the best person he has ever met. He loves you. He knows that it got messy but he also knows between those lines, him dying changed a part of you. It led you into a guilt you can’t shake and that he feels is on him. The least he can do is make the promise and try to keep it but he swears nothing can happen to you. He can’t let anything happen.

“Then you have to stop fucking blaming yourself, too.” Jason states back. “I died. That’s not on you." Jason says it so bluntly you nearly choke on your own heartbeat. "I promise but…you gotta promise me then you’re gonna stop blaming yourself, too. There was nothing you could have done.” The words are sour and bitter on his tongue. Knowing it was his fault he got himself killed is one of the hardest pills for him to swallow.

You nod your head softly and you can’t make the promise but you can promise to try. “I promise to try.”

“Good.” Jason states and he watches you tug your sleeve down over your wrist. Maybe he is very worried about you, too. Tonight was heavy and a lot to handle even if it all worked out. It almost didn't. Maybe it’s stupid but he doesn’t want to be alone tonight and he’s betting you don’t either. “Did, uh, did you wanna stay tonight?” Jason asks.

“W-what?” You stutter, the question catching you off guard.

“Did you wanna stay here?" Jason asks again, this time trying to make his voice sound far more casual than he's feeling. "Look, it’s not like we haven’t done this shit before.” Maybe he’s worried the scans are wrong, too and he just wants to look out for you. He misses you. “Just friends.” Jason assures you.

You were really hoping he'd ask.

“Can you, uh..."

“Of course.” Jason finishes before you get the chance to finish because he already knows. “I get to pick though, you picked the last three books.” Jason says with a tender smile and he gets one in return.

“Okay, Jay.” You nod as you take a step forward. “Thank you.”

“You and me.” Jason offers her his signature smirk with the casual shrug of his shoulders.

You stick your hand out and Jason takes it with ease. “You and me.” You echo while Jason pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders before the two of you walk into the building.

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[fandomgoesahhhhhhhhh]

I just saw your Comfort headcanons for Wukong and I was wondering if you could do some general romantic headcanons for The Great Sage! (you don’t have to if you don’t want to)

(Me? Refusing a request? Pffft! Never! One headcanons coming up!)

Lego Monkie Kid/LMK x Reader Headcanons

☀️Dating the Great Sage aka The Monkey King (Romance)☀️

He will be the first one between you two to admit his feelings to you, but let me tell you that he would do it in the most Wukong thing ever. Instead of actually telling you, he would give some signs of wanting to date you and all…but it’ll end up in a mess and he’ll end up confessing to you..but that’s ok, because you like him back.

He would be NERVOUS! Due to his not-so-great relationships(both romantic and platonic) in his past..he clearly didn’t want to lose you by any means and would do anything to keep you happy and safe.

His love Language(in my opinion) are physical affection and quality time. Even though he doesn’t LIKE being touched at times(due to trauma), he LOVES giving you affection and trap you with snuggles. There will be times where he will let you and ONLY you give physical affection back..it’s because he trust you enough to not harm him.

Teasing is one of the most common things in the relationship. He will tease you til the end of time and I promise on that hill. Doesn’t matter what times or places, private or public, he’s gonna tease you whenever he can. You can’t stop him no matter how much you try, but don’t worry, he knows when to stop or when he’s going overboard. He love teasing, but he also want you to be comfortable.

He LOVE playing little silly games that he usually comes up with. For example, he’ll use his tail to tap your shoulder or give you small headpat without you looking and would keep playing til you noticed or figure out…though that will take forever since he’s very sneaky when it comes to his little hands

He’s protective. He will protect you and harm ANYONE who dare try to put a finger on you. He will staff smack that person to the ground and put a mountain under that person if he wants to! JUST to keep you safe!(he’ll also killed for you, but you didn’t hear that from me.)

He’s not too much into PDA..but he does do SMALL bits of PDA, like holding your hand with his tail or his own hand. He’s too embarassed and shy to show off affection in public. Affection and teasing are different..but he does sometimes hold your hand under the table or in secretive..he need to know you’re there.

Jealous little boy. This monkey is gonna get jealous if someone flirts with you or anything. He will immediately hold you close and wrap his tail around you. He will not have anyone take you away from him. He love you and he will show that.

Overall, he’s a silly traumatized boy who need hugs and love and he will give you all the affection you’re gonna need, rather you like it or not.

(I hope you enjoy these fluffy headcanons!)

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Howdy, so I don't know if you have seen The Last of Us, but if you have, you know the scene where Joel saves Ellie from the hospital and he just ploughs through everyone and its like wow -///-

I just think it would be a really cool like drabble if this was a Din x reader fic? Only if you wanted to write it though!! Also I'm so happy that I'm on your taglist for inevitable because I jump to read it every time that I see that I've been tagged, it has me in a chokehold and the way that you write the reader is so damn good.

Your writing is something that brings comfort to me every week, and the way you interact and talk to your followers is so sweet. I love coming back from a stressful day to sit down somewhere comfortable to enjoy your work.

Anyways thanks for reading this ramble of an ask and I hope that you're doing well :)

[a/n]: combining some stuff here! this is for the anon who asked for this scene AND for @cockscombkingdom who asked for a fic in Din's POV where he takes care of reader and keeps her safe. I started with the plan to make this very sweet and fluffy and I'm not gonna lie a little darkness seeped into it. my bad.

also in case it isn't abundantly clear i am a joel miller apologist thx

Din Djarin x Female!Reader

Warnings: Violence, death, injuries, mild dark!din (if you squint and/or have a problem with murder)

Word Count: 1,440

Summary: You were selfless. You gave and you gave and you gave. The universe planned to only take more, but Din Djarin would be damned if he let it.

LOOK FOR THE LIGHT

.

"you'd just come after her." -Joel Miller (TLOU)

.

Din was worried about you. He was always worried about you because you were always on his mind. It couldn’t be helped. Somebody had to because it seemed like you were perpetually too worried about everyone else. Din admired that about you. He always had. You went out of your way to help anyone and everyone who approached. You had a heart that was always willing to give, and it left you too little to use for yourself.

When the two of you first began traveling together, he noticed that about you. Sometimes you’d get so preoccupied watching Grogu you’d forget to eat. Peli had once put you to work, organizing her tools as part of the payment to fix the Razor Crest, and you had been so focused on getting the work done well that you had taken no breaks and ended up dehydrated and weak under Tatooine’s hot suns. It’s why the mission he was delivering you to made such simple sense to him. You were special, is what you told him. Din knew you were special, felt it, but it was for very different reasons. According to you, there was something in your blood, some type of cell, that could cure a lot of people of some terrible, terrible disease spreading through a world in the Outer Rim.

Din tried to keep his distance from you. Tried to not get attached. But you were so selfless, that it naturally brought out his protective side. He couldn't help but care for you, but caring for you as a responsibility had quickly turned to loving you along the way. Din didn’t know a lot about love. Didn’t have much experience with it, lust was easier to grasp, and that left him confused most of the time. Din had no idea how to express what he felt for you, how to explain it in words, so he did the only thing he could do. Din took care of you. Kept you safe when he stopped to pick up quarries, made sure you remembered to eat and drink water, reminded you to go to bed and when you would eventually forget anyways he’d carry you there himself. Din didn't know what love was supposed to feel like, but what he did know was that being without you made his heart physically ache and protecting you brought him happiness. 

Maybe that’s all he needed to know.

‘It’ll be okay.’ You had promised him with a smile that made your features glow. ‘Shouldn’t take long.’

That had been hours ago. Din delivered you to the medical facility as he had been hired, but when you hadn’t come back out he sought after you. It’s why he now sat in a small room, Imperials flanking the door, as he simmered in disdain. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

“Mandalorian.” A man stepped into the room. A doctor from the looks of it with thin, round rimmed glasses. The name ‘Pershing’ pinned to his lapel. Din stayed silent. “I was under the impression that you had been paid. Was there an issue?”

“No.” Din replied. “Where is she?”

Dr. Pershing paused and shook his head as if confused. Din tilted his head a bit, an obvious threat in body language, and the doctor was smart enough to realize this. He nervously cleared his throat. “She is being prepared for her operation.” Din narrowed his eyes in confusion. You told him they’d just need your blood. “There is no reason for you to stay.”

“I promised her a ride back.”

There was a tense silence that filled the room at his words. Din watched the doctor squirm where he stood and he needed no further clarification. He shoved up from the table, prepared for a fight, when the Imperials leveled their own weapons at him before he could reach his blaster.

Dr. Pershing held his hands up in a placating manner. “She will be a hero. After we drain her of all her blood, we can make a cure. There’s a 65% chance this will work and save the people of this world.” Din was fuming under his armor. Drain your blood? They were going to kill you. They were going to kill you for something that only had a 65% chance of even working. “She will not be in pain! She’s been put under! She will not feel a thing, and we did not scare her with the news.” Din staggered back as if he had been physically hit. Was this man saying… Dr. Pershing confirmed Din’s thoughts. “We did not tell her this would kill her. We spared her that misery. She went under anesthesia peacefully.”

The words echoed in Din’s head loudly. As if a bomb had gone off right beside him and left him deaf and blind. He walked on autopilot as the Imperials escorted him through the building toward the exit. They were going to kill you. They were going to kill you for a shot in the dark cure. Din was literally paces to the door when his boots stilled. The Imperials shoved him, tried to get him to move, threatened to shoot him, and then Din snapped.

With the practiced precision of a bounty hunter and Mandalorian who spent most of his life in a fight, Din spun and cut down the Imperials in one swift movement. The darksaber glowed angry in his hands, casting threatening shadows down the hall. Never before had the sword worked so well for him, but as Din marched through the facility it was practically an extension of himself. Blaster fire pinged off his beskar and he did not hesitate. If a person stepped into his path he eliminated them. Cold. Ruthless. A predator. Din stalked the medical facility searching for you, and he left a wake of death and destruction in his path.

When he finally caught sight of you, through a window into some kind of clean room. Din felt his heart flutter in his chest. The first twinge of emotion since starting this rampage. It was a reminder of why he was doing this. A reminder that his actions were necessary.

Din stormed into the room, his eyes not leaving your unconscious form as you laid on a table in a hospital gown. The staff in the room panicked in a flurry, and one of them⏤ maybe the doctor maybe a nurse, Din didn’t even register who the kriff it was⏤ rushed him in a poor attempt to stop this onslaught. Din cut them down without blinking. Without taking his eyes off of you. The second you were in his arms, Din felt marginally settled. He wasn’t going to lose you, couldn’t lose you. Din had sworn to himself that he’d take care of you, it was all he knew how to do, and he wasn’t going to stop for the sake of anyone.

Not even the sake of a world.

As Din carried you out of the building it occurred to him that he may be dooming an entire population of people. This world’s chances of survival were dropping from 65% to 0%. He knew that he should care. He knew that this information should bother him. That it should make his steps more hesitant and make his chest ache in indecision, but it didn’t. His choice had never been more clear to him. It was either this world or you. Din was choosing you. He’d always choose you.

When back on the ship, Din had only carried you a few steps when gasping could be heard. He turned around to see Dr. Pershing at the end of the ramp holding a blaster at him. The man was breathing hard, face red, as if he had sprinted all the way here to stop this from happening. Din had to admire his dedication. The man believed in this cause so much he was willing to go head to head with a Mandalorian who had just single handedly cleared out a medical facility. 

“I can’t let you do this.” Dr. Pershing snapped. “You’re dooming this world if you take her!”

A blaster fired. Dr. Pershing stumbled back, a hole in his chest, and Din held his blaster firm in his hand. Your legs draped over that arm had hidden his weapon well. A strangled gasp left the man’s lips and he collapsed into a motionless pile. Din shook his head, responding to a dead man’s words, “I don’t care.”

Din would protect you under any and all circumstances.

 Was that love?

[mynameismckenziemae]

Unbroken

Part 5

(previous part here, next part here)

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x You

Summary: You and Jake have the conversation that’s been a long time coming. Bradley feels terrible and makes it up to you.

Warnings: Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Smut, oral (f receiving), etc.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“You were pregnant?”

You nod, tears filling your eyes at the hurt reflecting back at you in Jake’s.

“The summer after high school? That’s what happened? Why you changed so much?” He asks, tears starting to fill his too.

You nod again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, voice breaking.

“Bradley, will you help me get supper on the table?” Charlie asks, coming up the stairs with Cash.

Bradley nods but hesitates at the door. “Em…Jake, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, you had no way of knowing,” you assure him with a small smile.

You take Jake’s hand and lead him to the steps, away from the broken glass.

“Em, why didn’t you tell me?” Jake repeats.

“Because you would’ve been on the first flight home,” you sigh, knowing what he’s going to say.

“Damn right I would’ve,” Jake responds, confirming the exact reason you didn’t tell him.

“But you were in the middle of flight school, I didn’t want to distract you from that, Jake. I couldn’t. My dreams were circling the drain and I wasn’t going to see yours do the same.”

He just shakes his head, knowing it’s not worth the fight. “Can you start from the beginning?”

So you do. You tell him the same thing you told Charlie and Bradley.

“Stupid fuck probably didn’t put the rubber on right,” he shakes his head when you tell him that you were safe, making you laugh.

“Fuck, Em,” he says shakily, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and crying with you when you tell him that you lost the baby.

“Atta girl,” he squeezes your shoulder when you tell him how you slapped Chet stupid.

“I planned on telling you when you came home, but by that time I couldn’t even think about it without feeling like I was suffocating. I didn’t talk about it, I just pushed all those feelings down, along with most other feelings. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago and it’s really helped,” you say.

“Makes sense why you haven’t dated since,” he nods. “Why did you tell Bradley and not me? I assume Charlie knows too,” he sighs.

You hate how much this is hurting him.

“I told Charlie the night before the wedding. Don’t be mad at her, okay? I asked her not to say anything because I wanted to be the one to tell you. I’ve been meaning to when you got back from the honeymoon but you’ve been so happy and we’ve both been busy and…I’ve just been avoiding the conversation,” you admit. “Telling Bradley was unexpected. We were starting to, uh…get intimate-“

“Gross,” Jake grimaces.

“I’ll spare you the details,” you laugh. “But I haven’t been with anyone since Chet and I got nervous. I ended up telling him everything. God, he probably feels horrible. I never told him you didn’t know. How did it even come up?”

“He noticed Charlie’s not drinking and I told him there’s a chance she’s pregnant but it’s too early to tell,” he answers and you nod, Charlie told you she stopped taking her birth control. “He asked if I thought it’d be hard for you to see Charlie pregnant,” Jake answers and turns to you. “Will you be okay if she is?”

“I will,” you assure him with a smile. “I still struggle with the guilt and the ‘what if’s’ but that has nothing to do with you and Charlie. I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks Em,” he says, watching the sunset. “It’ll happen for you too.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“So you and Bradshaw, huh?” He asks a few minutes later, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Yeah,” you can’t help but smile. “I really like him, Jake. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling this way about someone anymore.”

“He’s a good one, Em. Speaking of, we should probably put him out of his misery,” Jake says, rising.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you reply, taking his outstretched hand to help you to your feet.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Charlie gives you a hesitant smile as she walks past you to find Jake. You nearly laugh at the look on Bradley’s face when you meet his eyes. He looks like he’s going to throw up, cry, or both.

“Emma, I’m so fucking sorry. I wasn’t thinking-“ he starts but you reach up to cup his jaw before shushing him with a kiss.

“It’s okay, really,” you promise when you pull back. “I never told you he didn’t know or to not say anything. That conversation was a long time coming and I’d been putting it off far too long.”

He still looks unsure as he nods. “Alright.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“So whatever happened to Chet? He never came back after that ACL tear, did he?” Jake asks as everyone finally starts to eat.

You shake your head and fill Bradley in. “2 plays into his college debut game, Chet tore his ACL. He had to have surgery and missed the rest of the season. Ended up getting academically suspended by the end of his freshman year.”

“Chet always was dumber than a box of rocks,” Jake mutters.

“Ain’t that the truth,” you agree. “He moved back and began working for his dad at the bank over in Bishop. He started dating Lydia Hughes, and got married about a year later,” you laugh.

“Wait, he married Lydia Chlamydia?” Jake asks, horrified.

“She didn’t have the best reputation,” Charlie tells Bradley who’s bewildered by the nickname.

“No, she didn’t, and for good reason,” you say. “Chet caught her in bed with his dad before the ink on the marriage certificate was dry.”

“What?!” Jake exclaims before bursting into laughter.

“That’s why they divorced?! Oh my God! Okay, that makes sense why his dad picked up and left too,” Charlie says, laughing too.

“Yup. It was all pretty hush-hush at the time,” you smile, taking a sip of your beer. “Not gonna lie, it felt pretty damn good to hear he got what he had coming.”

“Still not good enough,” Jake mutters. “He’s a dead man if I ever see him again.”

“Hear hear,” Bradley agrees, clinking his bottle to Jake’s when he tips it Bradley’s way.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“You sure you don’t mind giving Bradley a ride back to his place?” Jake asks, yawning from his place on the couch.

You bite your lip as you share a look with Charlie.

“She doesn’t mind, trust me,” Charlie laughs.

“Gross,” Jake shudders before he stands up to wrap you a bear hug. “Love you kiddo. Please, please don’t keep something like that from me again, okay? I’ll always be here for you.”

“I won’t,” you promise. “I love you too.”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“My place first?” You confirm the earlier plan as you shift the truck into reverse.

“Still want me to?” Bradley asks, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Yes!” You laugh. “Please stop beating yourself up.”

“I’ll try. I just feel terrible,” he sighs.

“Don’t,” you reply, reaching over to place your hand on his thigh. “You can make it up to me when we get to my place if it’ll make you feel better?”

“I think that’d make me feel a lot better,” he sighs as your hand begins to circle higher on his thigh.

“I think so too,” you agree, barely brushing your fingertips over his erection straining against his jeans.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“I didn’t tell how you good you look yet,” Bradley murmurs as his hands slide over your hips. He brushes your hair aside before kissing the back of your neck as you try to unlock the front door. “Couldn’t keep my eyes off you all night.”

You drop your keys as you shiver. He inhales sharply and his hands tighten as you press your ass against his hard-on when you bend to over pick them up.

One of Bradley’s hands slides below your belly button as you straighten up and he pulls you back further, groaning softly into your ear when you begin slowly grind your hips.

“Feel what you do to me?” He breathes, his hand moving down further, but not yet touching where you want him most. “I’m constantly fighting this around you,” he punctuates it with a gentle thrust of his hips. “Shit, even when I’m not. When I hear your laugh, see your pretty smile, read your texts. I’m crazy about you, Em.”

“I feel the same way, Bradley. I can’t stop thinking about you,” you admit breathily while you attempt the lock.

He takes the keys from your trembling hands and unlocks it as his lips find your neck again.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

The two of you make it inside and you lead him to your bedroom. He’s kissing you before the nervousness can creep in.

“No underwear?” Bradley rasps as he pulls your leggings off after laying you down, already ridding you of your shirt and bra.

You shake your head and fight the urge to cover yourself as he rises to stand at the foot of the bed to take in your naked form.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, his eyes on yours; not on your body.

“Thank you,” you say, giving him a shy smile.

He whips his shirt over his head and unbuttons his jeans, pushing them down before crawling over you and capturing your lips in a deep kiss.

You gasp and he groans when his cock settles between your legs, only the thin fabric barrier of his boxer-briefs separates you.

You whine when he pulls away, but it’s only for a second before he latches onto your nipple, teasing the other with his fingers.

He sucks gently before asking, “Do you like more of a soft touch here? Or rough?”

Your hands fly into his hair as he grazes his teeth over the sensitive bud and pinches the other. “Just like that,” you answer with a gasp.

He does it again and again, alternating with soft caresses and rough touches. You’re soaked and he hasn’t even touched below the waist.

“Please, Bradley,” you beg, panting when the want between your legs becomes unbearable.

“What do you want, honey?” He asks, not giving you a chance to answer before capturing the other overstimulated nipple with his mouth, flicking it with his tongue before releasing it with a pop. “My mouth on your pretty pussy?”

You nod eagerly, sighing in relief as he begins to his way there.

“You’re sure?” Bradley asks, pressing his lips to your trembling thighs.

“I’m sure-oh,” you moan, back arching as he licks into you for the first time.

His answering groan is downright sinful. “You taste so fucking good,” he murmurs against you.

You look down at him and whimper; eyes closed in bliss, hands gripping your hips, his tight ass flexing as he ruts into the mattress, trying to find friction.

He’s enjoying this as much as you.

“Oh, just like that,” you sigh; His mustache brushing your clit as his tongue fucks you. “Bradl-I…I’m gonna-“

Your hands find his hair again, tugging as your orgasm washes over you with a satisfied hum; Bradlwy making a similar noise between your thighs.

“Good?” He asks, sounding out of breath.

“Uh huh,” you reply, sated.

“Mmm, good,” he rumbles and lowers his head.

“Wha-again?” You ask, jolting when he finds your clit again, this time with his tongue.

“Mhmm,” he hums against you, his hips flexing into the bed faster.

“Oh…oh God,” you gasp when he brings his hand up and presses a finger inside as his tongue mimics on your clit what it was doing earlier to your nipples.

“Fuck,” he breathes, strained, and he pushes another finger in. “You’re so tight.”

You mewl when he curls them, zeroing in on your g-spot with the same rhythm as his hips.

Fireworks burst behind your closed lids and your ears ring when he gently sucks on your clit; an earth-shattering orgasm hits you so fast and hard it takes your breath away.

You’re so wrapped up in it that you don’t even notice the way your thighs are squeezing Bradley or his guttural groan that follows.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“Wow,” you whisper, trying to muster up the energy to open your eyes.

“You’re incredible,” Bradley murmurs as he kisses his way back up your body.

“I haven’t even gotten you off yet,” you laugh breathlessly as he lays beside you.

“Uh, you did actually,” he replies, embarrassment lacing his tone.

“I-what?” You ask, opening your eyes to his flushed face.

His eyes flick down and yours follow to the wet spot staining the front of his boxer-briefs.

He came just from eating you out.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

A/N: Is it getting hot in here?

As always, any interaction is appreciated but I love hearing what you think in comments/reblogs!

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[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I've been dreaming of the Loyalist of Clubs.

There are so many regrets born out of ignorance. So many bonds lost to time.

He wishes he could have done more then.

How does a moment last forever? How can a story never die?

“Wh-What’s happening, Trey?”

The question comes from the boy huddled on the guest bed. He’s smallish and demure, like a rose bud yet to bloom. His eyes and cheeks are the same color as his hair—red, from crying.

Trey awkwardly peels himself away from the door. Even shut, shouting is audible from beyond it.

“HE KIDNAPPED MY SON!! Bring him back this instant, or I’ll call the authorities!”

“Ma’am, please calm down. They’re children—”

Trey pictures Mrs. Rosehearts as a balloon, bright red and inflated with hot air. The more she screams, the more air leaks put of her twisted mouth. She shrinks and shrinks until she poofs out of existence.

It doesn’t feel right to stand, so he sits on the bed beside his friend. The frame groans from their combined weights, light as they are.

“… I’m not sure,” Trey admits. “I saw you upset and grabbed your hand and ran. I didn’t want you to be stuck in that situation anymore.”

He pats a pillow. Attempts to comfort his friend.

“You can stay here.” Forever, if you want. But he doesn’t say that, only hopes it in his heart. The solution is so simple in his kid mind. “At least until your mom isn’t mad anymore.”

“Is that… allowed?”

“Sure it is. My parents won’t mind—er, probably. They like having new people over. We’ll pretend it’s a normal sleepover.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when you sleep over at another person’s house—that’s where the name comes from. You stay up late, watch movies, play games, eat snacks, and then fall asleep together.”

Riddle’s eyes widen. “That sounds like breaking so many rules,” he says nervously.

“Those are the rules for sleepovers. The point is to have fun.”

“Fun…” Riddle nibbles on his lip, drawing his knees closer to his torso. He hugs his legs, collapsing into himself with a sniff. “I-I don’t know—I don’t like not knowing. I’m scared, Trey. Mama is so angry with me. I’m not supposed to…”

“It’s okay to not know. No one knows everything.”

“Mama does. Everyone says so. That’s why she’s always right.”

“That’s not true. I know she’s wrong about this—about us, and about Che’nya.” He grabs Riddle’s clammy hand and squeezes. “She can’t keep us three from being friends.”

“We are…?”

“Yup.” Trey pokes him, then points to himself, “We’re friends. And friends stick up for each other, watch each other’s backs.”

Riddle hesitates. “Is that… the rule?”

“You can think of it like that if you want. But I didn’t do any of this because of some rule, I did it because I wanted to help you somehow, any way I can."

"B-But we're just kids. What can we do?"

Trey worriedly glances at the door--the adults' voices haven't quieted at all--then at Riddle and the stress deeply etched into his round face. This isn't a good place for him right now either.

"We could... go over to Che'nya's. He and his grandpa will be happy to see us, and we can all have that sleepover.”

Riddle looks bewildered at the mere suggestion. "We're going to leave?"

"Shouldn't be too hard. We've already played hooky before," Trey says, tugging him up and off the bed by the arm. "Besides, a walk can help take your mind off of things."

We can be ourselves. We can forget our worries. Everything can be as it was.

Riddle’s eyes are wide with alarm. His knees wobble, and Trey catches him.

“It’ll be fine! I’ll be with you all the way—so if we get yelled at, we can be yelled at together. You won’t be alone.”

Not ever again.

Riddle responds in a shaky mew. His cheeks are wet from crying, and his words trembling—but his trust is firm. “O-Okay… I believe in you. Let’s go. Let’s go see Che’nya.”

Trey smiles reassuringly. “Alright, we’ll escape through the window. It’s a classic. You know how to do it safely by now, right?”

“Yes…!”

The two boys scramble to the bedroom window, undoing its latch and sliding it up. Trey leads the charge, easily clearing the sill. He looks back, urging Riddle to follow.

The threshold is daunting, less the boundary between inside and out and more like the bridge to a world unknown. When Riddle charges at the open window, he expects to smack into the wall. To fall, to fail.

The ground rumbles,

Splintering, fissures appearing.

“You got this!!” Trey cheers from the other side.

Riddle vaults too early and slips.

Panic shoots through him like a bolt of lightning.

Something erupts from out of the floor, racing under the boy to break his fall. Riddle lands on a thick, cushy stalk, leaves twisting around it. Above him, a giant head of petals--blue, bell-shaped, and ringing.

Bluebell.

Another flower sprouts by the boy's feet, bearing a crimson mouth--two lips, pulled back in a laugh. "Frolic, rejoice," says the Tulip. "Be free.”

“Free, free,” a patch of tiny, shrinking violets choruses.

“To dance around the posies and spin daisy chains and search for four leaf clovers.”

“We’ll lift you up when you’re down.”

Plants are poking out from every inch of the guest room, making their own quips and banter. Trey should be startled, but instead he laughs and waves for Riddle.

He waves back shyly, then gasps. His feet find something squishy yet solid under them.

Mushrooms with flat caps, a whole flight of them, in ascending height. The boy clumsily crosses them, each step sending up a cloud of fat, lazy spores. Riddle sneezes, nearly careening off the side—but a wall of snapping dragons or sly gloves in foxes closes in, surprisingly gentle as they support him.

He hops over the sill with ease.

And the flowers follow.

It’s a rainbow come alive, color sprawling over the roads and knitting rooftops with new lattice designs. Some designs dare to go higher and flashier: beanstalks that pierce the clouds, fruit clusters so heavy they bend and droop, petals dripping with jewels. Even the air is more jubilant, filled with shimmering particles--pollen?

Sunshine opens on Riddle’s face.

“Whaaaa~ So pretty!!”

“Isn’t it?” Trey’s grin is so wide his teeth ache. “We should hurry and get Che’nya so he can see this too.”

“It’s going to take so long to wade through all of this.”

“Fine by me." Trey grabs his friend's hand. It feels so small in his, and he thinks of a seed in need of water and light. "We can take our time to stop and smell the roses!”

His other hand reaches out and finds the stem of a large passing dandelion tuft. It forms an umbrella from its fuzzy white tendrils, the perfect shape for sailing on the wind.

Whoosh.

Trey and Riddle squeal as they're whisked off.

Up, up, and away, where their troubles can't chase them.

[archiveikemen]

『 Mirror, Mirror... 』 Collection Event

Ellis Twilight

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

❥･• Warnings and FAQ

(... Alright. This is it for today.)

One night, my mind was too awake for me to fall asleep, so I decided to work on typing out a report.

Right when I typed the final letter on my typewriter, I heard a knock on my room’s door.

(Who could it be this late in the night?)

I opened the door, and standing there was—

Ellis: Good evening, Kate.

Kate: … Ellis? Did something happen?

Ellis: Nope. But I still want to come see you, even when there’s nothing going on…

Ellis: … Because that’s what lovers do.

Kate: Lovers…? Who and who…?

Ellis: You and I, of course. Fufu… are teasing me by pretending not to know that?

Ellis: Your cheeky side is adorable too.

Ellis let out an amused laugh, looking at me with endearment, and smiled at me.

Kate: Lovers…

Kate: … Right. Ellis and I are lovers.

(I’m dating Ellis. How could I forget something so important?)

(Also… I can’t remember when and how we started dating…)

Ellis: Were you about to go to sleep, Kate?

Ellis’ question interrupted the uncomfortable feeling that flashed through my head.

Kate: Yeah… but I can stay up for a little bit more. Shall we chat?

Ellis: Nuh-uh. We should go to sleep now, or it’ll affect us tomorrow.

Ellis gently carried me to my bed and laid next to me.

Kate: Huh? … Are you spending the night here?

Ellis: I want to stay by your side for as long as possible and make you happy… do you hate it?

Kate: N-No, I don't. It’s just…

Kate: My heart is very unsettled right now… I can't fall asleep.

We changed into light clothing before getting ready to sleep, we laid down side by side and spoke softly.

Ellis was within an arm’s reach, gazing at me tenderly.

(This situation… it’s making me nervous…)

Ellis: It’s a problem that you’re having difficulty sleeping… I wonder how I can help you calm down.

Ellis: I’m not ready to stop your heart yet…

Ellis: If only there’s another way…

Kate: I think I’ll feel much better once I get used to the lack of distance between us.

Ellis: … Then let’s do things lovers do, so that you’ll get used to it quicker.

Ellis: It’ll be nice if we could be happy, right?

Ellis: We can try all sorts of things… just let me know when you don’t like something.

Ellis gently pulled me into his embrace.

Kate: …!

While being held in Ellis’ arms, my face was buried in his chest.

The faint soapy smell coming from him made my heart suddenly start to race.

Ellis: Hmm… this seems to have made you even more unsettled. Are you still feeling nervous?

Ellis began slowly stroking my back in an attempt to ease my nervousness.

The regular rhythm of his hand on my back felt genuinely comforting, making me feel safe.

(Maybe it’s okay if we go to sleep like this…)

I was bewildered at first, but I eventually got used to being in his embrace.

Even so—

Ellis: Fufu… your expression softened. I love seeing the look of relief on your face.

Hearing those words just as I was about to calm down and fall asleep made my heart race again.

Kate: Uhh… please don’t say things like that…

Kate: It’s making me embarrassed…

Ellis: Being embarrassed means that you’re happy, right? Then I won’t stop.

Ellis: I love the way you're blushing and turning your face away from me.

Ellis gazing at me like I was the world's most precious treasure, along with sweet whispers, made me feel like I was going to melt into a puddle.

Ellis: Fufufu… let my words make you happy.

Kate: T-They do make me happy, but… I won't be able to sleep with how loudly my heart is beating.

Ellis: Are you still nervous? Maybe we should do even more lovey dovey things to get you used to them…

(What more could there be…?)

I was already being held in his arms and showered with praises, I couldn't imagine anything more than those.

Ellis: … Can I kiss you?

Kate: K-Kiss…?

Ellis: Yeah… I don’t think it’s unusual for lovers to kiss.

Ellis: … But I won’t kiss you if you don’t want it.

My eyes naturally wandered to Ellis’ lips.

Since we’re lovers, we should’ve already kissed at least once or twice.

Besides, being kissed by those lips whispering sweet loving words to me would definitely make me so happy…

I found myself wanting kisses from Ellis.

Ellis: Thanks. I’ll start with your forehead…

Ellis gently brushed my bangs aside and kissed me on the forehead.

He then moved to my cheek, ear, and neck… kissing me gently.

Ellis: Fufu… are my kisses making you happy?

Ellis: … If you like them, I can give you many more.

Ellis: I want to give you even more love… because you’re my dear lover.

Ellis’ kisses made me feel so much better.

His soft lips showed me how cherished and loved I was.

Ellis: … Kate.

Ellis suddenly looked up from my neck and called my name.

His twilight coloured eyes met mine, and I was almost completely enchanted by them… then I felt it.

(He’s going to kiss me on the lips…!)

Ellis: …?

Ellis looked at me, bewildered.

The reason being… my hand was on his mouth, preventing him from kissing me.

Kate: … I-I’m so sorry! W-Why did I even…

Ellis was my lover, and I loved him…

Kissing on the lips should’ve been fine, but something just felt so “wrong” about it.

Ellis: … It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.

Ellis was taken aback for a moment, but later smiled and reassured me that he didn’t mind.

Ellis: Kissing your hand is fine too. … Can I kiss your hand, Kate?

Kate: Y-Yes…

Ellis dropped a kiss on the palm of my hand that was covering his mouth earlier.

Ellis: Kate… can I get a kiss?

Kate: From… me?

Ellis: I’m okay with being the only one giving kisses, although…

Ellis: It’ll be much happier if we kissed each other instead.

(Now that I think of it… this entire time, Ellis is the only one showing affection, while I’ve done nothing to reciprocate it.)

Kate: … Okay I’ll kiss you.

Ellis: Mm. Where do you want to kiss me? I’ll be happy anywhere, as long as it’s from you.

(I just rejected a kiss on the lips…)

(On the forehead or cheek… just thinking of it makes me feel like my heart will break.)

(On the neck… that feels overly intimate for some reason…)

Kate: … Just like what you did, can I kiss your palm?

Ellis: My palm…

Kate: It’s weird, huh. I don’t think it’s a common place to kiss either…

Ellis: … I don't think it’s weird at all. I actually think that it’s very special, like it’s a thing only we have. I like it.

Ellis: Go on.

His offered hand was much larger and bonier than mine.

When I gave it a small quiet peck, I realised…

(Being told of how loved I am and receiving kisses made me happy…)

(And the fact that the love I received is from Ellis makes me feel happy too…)

Love can't be one-sided. Love is a very special bond between two people.

It’s important that the budding love be conveyed to each other, instead of only one person expressing their feelings.

Kate: … Ellis.

Ellis: Yeah?

Kate: I’m incredibly happy right now. So happy that there’s nothing more I could ask for…

Ellis: … Really?

Ellis: If that’s really the case, then I—

Kate: It is. Falling in love with you, and being your lover… these make me feel happier than ever.

Ellis: …

Just moments ago, Ellis would smile and respond to me instantly.

But the instant he heard those words, his facial expression stiffened and he fell silent.

Ellis: …, … I’m sorry.

He muttered a small apology, and I was getting worried about what could've possibly been the problem, when—

…

Kate: …!

I jolted awake in bed and looked around the room, but there was no sign of Ellis.

(Ellis looked so pained when he apologised…)

(... Why did he apologise? I didn't get the chance to ask him.)

I was about to get out of bed and look for Ellis, when I finally figured it out.

(Wait… huh…?)

(Ellis and I aren’t dating… )

(Could it be that… everything that happened last night was just a dream!?)

(Dreaming of Ellis being my lover…)

(Is that how I see him, but that feeling is buried somewhere deep inside my heart…?)

I was filled with guilt, I felt that I wouldn't be able to face him for a while.

(Even so… that was a very realistic dream.)

Kate: I like you…

The words I muttered were an untrue statement I said in my dream.

And yet, it was as though there was someone in particular I wanted to say it to… it just felt so right to say those words.

[trblsvt]

★ my favorite lyrics + seventeen

pairing | ot13 x fem!reader genre | angst, hurt comfort (?), fluff (if you squint?) warnings | references to sex/suggestive, swearing, situationships! ALSDKJ, toxic relationships, actual breakups, heartbreak, and relationship angst, cheating/infidelity (?) in one section (it’s a first date, but someone gets distracted), alcohol consumption min | lowercase intended. and honestly i say fem!reader but i don’t think i used any pronouns that indicate gender identity. (keeping the tag to stay safe). some (most if not all) of these songs came from my top 100 songs of last year. and most of these are kind of sad... sorry

choi seungcheol “you're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night. i'm scared that i'll miss you, happens every time” - die for you by the weeknd

you just didn’t get it, he thought to himself. you were looking for something that he couldn’t give you, or something he didn’t know how to give you. he couldn’t stop thinking about the way your eyes were welling up after he told you that he wasn’t trying to gain anything else from the relationship. 

“so this is all i mean to you? just a thing to use when you’re bored?” you asked, quietly. it appeared that had taken every ounce of fire out of you. 

of course not, he thought. i’d do anything for you.

“yes,” he confirmed. why did i say that? he thought again.

“get out of my house, choi seungcheol.”

ouch. you knew he hated being called his full name, especially by you. he remembered when you did it jokingly and he held that stupid pout on his lips for almost two hours. (that is until you went over to him and planted kisses all over his face). 

he didn’t understand what was so wrong with what the two of you had going on. he thought you were happy. it worked out great. together, but not actually together. after the first time he spent the night, he realized how strong his feelings for you were. they were so far beyond anything he had ever felt before. now how was he supposed to explain that to you. 

“no,” he said simply. 

“i don’t want to see you anymore, seungcheol, so leave!” you yelled at him. “i’ve wanted more from you ever since i met you, but now i can see that’s something you’ve never wanted.”

“that’s not true.”

“then tell me, seungcheol! what am i missing? because you just told me i’ve been nothing but your plaything while i was putting my heart in your hands.”

“i’m scared that i’ll miss you too much.”

you froze.

“i’m so scared that if i give myself to you, the way you deserve, it’ll just hurt more when you realize that i’m not the one for you. i can barely think when i’m away from you. i don’t think i’ll be able to breathe if i’m actually with you. i miss you so much just when i leave after every night. i don’t know how to give you what you want. i don’t even know where to start. i’m sorry.” he didn’t know when he started crying, but he was. he diverted his gaze to the floor. his heart wouldn’t only hurt more if he looked at you. his heart would hurt and he’d only miss you more when you told him to leave again. so he was surprised when he felt your hands come up and wipe his tears away. “then try,” you mumbled softly. “try.”

yoon jeonghan “and the funny thing is i would've married you if you'd have stuck around” - doomsday by lizzy mcalpine

there you were. as beautiful as the day when he last saw you. you were just sitting there reading at a table in the local cafe the two of you frequented when you were together. “jeonghan?” you asked, standing up from your place.

shit. was he staring?

“hi, ___,” he finally responded. 

“i knew you looked familiar,” you laughed, and he wished he could keep it forever. “i see that you’re growing your hair out again, it looks nice.” 

“thanks.” he would never change his hairstyle ever again. 

“come sit, it’s been a while.”

so he sat.

he sat and he listened as you talked. how you finished your degree. how you finally bought an apartment that you actually liked. how you got that dog you always wanted. how you got promoted at work. and how you had a great new boyfriend, and that said boyfriend was meeting you in the next fifteen to twenty minutes. “so what about you, jeonghan? how’s work? how’s joshua? i bet you have all the ladies after you,” you joked.

he could say it. he could say that he was still so deeply in love with you. he could say “i love you” over and over again to make up for the times when he didn’t. he could say that he wanted you to break up with your boyfriend. he could say that he hasn’t been able to find someone else without comparing them to you in every way possible. he could even say that he wished every night that he was the one in your dreams in the same way you were in his. 

yet, he didn’t, not after what he did. it would be wildly inappropriate to tell you that, especially when you seemed so happy without him. so all he said was, “oh you know me, pretty average. it was really nice to catch up with you.”

you gave him a look, and he somehow knew he was busted. “i don’t hate you for what you did, jeonghan. know that, alright? we were both a bit too immature for one another. i would’ve married you in heartbeat though, even if it meant you left me with all your broken pieces,” you sighed. “i loved you, jeonghan.”

loved.

“and i’m certain you will find someone who loves you as much as i did you.”

but i love you.

“thank you, ___. truly,” was all he said, but wasn’t what he wanted to say. 

hong joshua “and i'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all i've ever had. yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back. do you love me, want me, hate me?” - 1 step forward, 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo

“clearly i’ve wasted my time my time on you,” you finally said. that shut him up. “you can’t possibly mean that,” he stammered, but the blank look on your face told him otherwise.

“i can’t be the only person invested in this relationship, joshua!” you sighed.

“who said you were?” you scoffed at that. joshua had been wildly absent from your relationship, opting to hang out with friends playing basketball, eating out, watching movies. really doing anything except be with you. “well it sure fucking feels like, joshua,” you grumbled.

“what did you say?” he sounded angry, but the look on his face looked more confused than anything. damn his face. damn that perfect smile. damn those kind eyes that kept you crawling back to him even if he stood you up for the third time that week. “i said it feels like i’m the only person putting anything into this relationship. when you told me that you wanted to go beyond just fucking i really believed you, and i was actually excited about getting to put an actual label on whatever we had. but now, i don’t fucking know how to act around you. you stood me up at least three times last week, and i-”

“what do you want from me, ___? i showed up tuesday night and we watched all the movies you wanted, didn’t we?” he interrupted. 

unbelievable.

“yeah, and then when you said we could hang out on friday night you suddenly ditched me. not only that, seungcheol told me you guys went to play basketball on friday and proceeded to go out to dinner afterwards,” you huffed. “it’s like we make some sort of progress in this - this - whatever this is - and then you do something that sets us back!”

“god, do you need to be with me all the fucking time. you’re so clingy,” he grumbled under his breath, but you heard him.

“clingy? i’m only upset because you said you were going to be there. you said you were free and that you wanted to hang out. i’m upset because you don’t even give me the simple courtesy of saying ‘oh hey i’m sorry something came up’ or ‘i actually can’t, i had plans with the guys.’ but no, i don’t hear anything from you. to think i actually love you. fuck you, hong,” you spat, grabbing your things and heading out his door before he could stop you. 

“wait! love? you love me? ___!” he called after you, but you were over it. despite how much it hurt your heart to leave behind his stupid laugh, his stupid music taste, and his stupid eyes that you’re quite sure you probably won’t get over. 

ironically enough, that was the first time you said “i love you,” and probably the last.

wen junhui 请快回来 想听你说说你还在 “please come back quickly, i want to hear from you that you are still there” - unbreakable love by eric chou

he knew you were sick of waiting around for him. work was hard and so was maintaining a relationship. a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. when he began going away for extended periods of time you always called or texted when you were about to go to sleep or when you woke up in the morning. 

then he started going away more. 

he was around less.

couldn’t call you back as often as he once did.

then you started contacting him less. 

the messages that held the run-downs about your days became infrequent and then rare. he reached out too, but calls and messages were brief. he began wondering what he was even trying for anymore. his friend, minghao, began to notice this. he noticed jun frowning at his phone more, or he looked more anxious by the end of the day like he was running late to something.

he knew you were probably busy. he couldn’t expect you to wait around for his calls, but his brain told him otherwise. it told him that maybe you were tired of waiting around for him. 

he was sitting in minghao’s hotel room eating some lame takeout for the nth time this week. minghao could tell that jun was not focused on his meal or in the conversation they were having. “you should probably just call ___,” minghao suggested.

“what if, what if it’s a bad time?” jun countered, a weak defense.

“just call, wimp. worst case scenario: leave a voicemail,” minghao shrugged. 

“fine. see you tomorrow.”

“you owe me for the food.”

“yeah, yeah.”

jun made his way back to his own hotel room and pulled up your contact. “just do it,” he grumbled and pressed call. he sat down on his bed as he listened to the ringing. on the fifth ring you picked up. there was loud music in the back with muffled voices. “jun? hey, babe,” you yelled.

“hi, ___. i was just checking in to see how you’re doing. i’m coming back home next week,” he sighed, feeling a bit more at ease.

“that’s great, junnie! i’m looking forward to it.” you sounded absentminded. “am i interrupting something?” he asked.

“oh, well, it’s my friend’s birthday party and she’s going a bit off the rails. can i call you back later?” you explained as lightly as possible. you knew how he got about this kind of stuff. “oh yeah, totally. you should’ve told me earlier, i don’t want to interrupt your fun. have fun,” he said pulling the phone down from his ear, not hearing how you paused and tried to call out to him.

so you do have better things to be doing. he understood. you were your own person, but it had been so long since he had even spoken to you. maybe you didn’t want to wait around anymore. then he saw all the posts that you shared of you out having fun, without him. you looked happier. he dwelled on it for longer than he should’ve. 

he dwelled on it for another three hours and then his phone rang. he picked it up without looking at the caller id. “hello?” he answered.

“jun, are you okay? you hung up so abruptly back there. i just got back home,” you asked, you sounded concerned. 

“do you still want to be with me?” 

“what - yes. why would you ask?” you sputtered. never once did you have a doubt in your relationship with jun. you understood that it was hard, with him being away and all, but you would always be around to wait for him. “i don’t want to make you feel like you’re waiting for nothing. i leave for weeks, come back for one, and leave for three more,” he sighed. “i don’t want to weigh you down.” 

“do you think a little distance is going to break us, jun?” you chuckled.

“i don’t know! just either be there when i get home or tell me you can’t wait around any longer,” he cried. it was disheartening to hear him like this. you never wanted anything more than him. the type of love you had with jun was beautiful and it would cross seas if necessary. 

“i’ll be here for as long as you want me, jun. now, come home quickly. i miss you.” 

kwon soonyoung “you only call me on the weekend. you only love me when we freakin'” - the weekend by bibi

you were trying to slip out unnoticed. soonyoung had passed out essentially right after the two of you cleaned up. he had insisted that you should stay the night. you tried to refuse, but the way he looked so tired and sweet when he basically begged you to lie down in his arms. 

and you were weak, so you did.

except, when he fell asleep in the crook of your neck you were still wide awake. you heard his phone going off and being nosy you looked to see notification after notification from his other hookups, and you were suddenly reminded why you were in the first place. you needed to leave.

 you tried your best to maneuver your way out of his grasp. you were slipping on your socks when he stirred. “where are you going?” his voice worn.

“i have an early day tomorrow, i need to get back to my place,” you lied.

“liar.”

“excuse me?” how in the world could he possibly call you on something when he was half asleep?

“you’re running. just stay the night. it can’t hurt.” oh, but it could. the question was: would it hurt more to tell him or to just keep the arrangement as is? before you could weigh your options, your mouth had already taken over. “it would hurt,” you said. “it already hurts.”

“what hurts? did i- did i do something wrong?” he asked, sitting up suddenly interested. you knew what he was thinking. “not in the way you’re thinking, soonyoung,” you smiled. “it hurts because throughout this whole agreement i accidentally caught feelings for you and it fucking sucks. because while you’re out hooking up with other people, i can’t even bring myself to hookup with another person because i think you’ve ruined me.”

“___-” he began, he looked apprehensive.

“i know. i know this wasn’t what we agreed on, and i know you’re not looking for anything right now. i just like you so much, and every time i look at you, i just wonder why you can’t just like me back. i’ll just go. i can’t do this anymore, soonyoung. i’m sorry.” you sighed.

“i am too,” he replied quietly, and he genuinely was. 

jeon wonwoo “one day i will stop falling in love with you. some day someone will like me like i like you” -  let you break my heart again by laufey

you often borrowed wonwoo’s things. from hats to jackets to random necklaces you found around his apartment, everything was fair game. sometimes you would forget to return them and wear them out. wonwoo never complained or tried to steal the clothes back from you. he liked them better on you anyway.

one day his friends noticed. it was just a house party where you had been teasing wonwoo all night about his less than average kart rider skills. you had taken his glasses off and placed them on your nose. “look at me i’m wonwoo and i suck at kart rider,” you imitated his voice puffing out your chest and bumping into his shoulder. 

“hey, i need those,” he chuckled, squinting at the tv in front of him. 

“yeah, yeah, i know. they look better on you anyway,” you grumbled, delicately placing the glasses back on his nose. “i’m going to get a drink, you want anything?” he shook his head, and you got up.

“wonwoo, isn’t that your coat?” mingyu casually asked as he sat down next to wonwoo on the couch. wonwoo didn’t even really process what mingyu was asking, but answered, “oh, the one ___’s wearing? yeah.”

“so, does this mean you two are finally together?” mingyu pressed. 

“uh, no. it just means i like sharing.”

“just like how you like sharing your glasses,” mingyu scoffed. “bullshit.”

mingyu got up and walked over to where you were chatting with some of your friends. wonwoo wanted to act like he was paying attention to seungcheol absolutely demolishing him and chan at kart rider, but he was only focused on you. 

he knew he didn’t stand a chance against the other guys you had been going out with for the past few months. he knew that you were probably better off with a guy like mingyu or something, and when he saw you chatting with mingyu he knew he couldn’t even begin to compete. in your eyes, he was just your cute best friend that did you favors all the time.

“you know, i think you should really un-friendzone wonwoo,” your friend giggled.

“i agree,” mingyu piped in.

“please, wonwoo’s just my friend,” you chuckled, glancing over at the dark haired man sitting on the couch. “plus, i already have a date this weekend.”

it was true. you did have a date lined up. it was about the fourth new guy this month. none of the people you’ve been meeting had actually clicked after the first date. which was a bit disheartening since you’ve been trying to date for a while. 

the only constant in your life was wonwoo. he’s been with you since high school, and the two of you quickly rented an apartment together when you two decided to attend the same college. it was a nice set up, and you appreciated his companionship. he was there for every high and low of life, and didn’t complain if you were a mess most of the time. he was just there. a great friend.

as wonwoo and you walked home, he admired the way you looked at everything around you. the stars in the sky or the flowers that lined the windows of some apartments. it was comfortable with you. “you have a date later this weekend?” he asked quietly. you hummed in response. 

you were a little too busy watching your surroundings to see wonwoo’s face fall a bit. he would watch you go off on these dates every so often, and nothing came to fruition for most of them. if they did, they were quite short lived. although it broke his heart every time you overlooked his hinting gestures, he would always be there to help you get ready and pick up any broken pieces. he’d be there at your door with a cup of coffee for you in the morning or he’d give you the space you needed if you asked. whatever you asked of him, he would do because he’d let you break his heart as many times as you wanted and he’d still come back. after all, he was your best friend. 

he just wished that someday he would finally leave the feelings he harbored for you behind, and he could find someone who loved him the same way that he loved you. even if it wasn’t you.

lee jihoon “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine now” - the exit by conan gray

jihoon was jihoon. you were you. there wasn’t any way around it. you had met him at a bad time, that’s all you could say about it. it probably wasn’t the best idea to start hanging out as much as you did. you knew that, and so did he. yet, you two did, and it was nice while it lasted.

“i just thought- i just thought we could continue seeing each other,” you grumbled. you weren’t sure what you were expecting out of jihoon. he was always a bit, emotionally reserved. 

“i mean, why would we?” he asked, blinking slowly at you. of course he would ask that. “you didn’t think we were actually like dating, right?” he asked. 

well no. 

you and jihoon had established a mutual distaste towards labels, but now you regretted not putting one on what you had with jihoon. “i mean, i didn’t. i just thought-” you trailed off. what did you think? that maybe by the time he figured out his shit, you would have figured yours out too. or maybe that he would’ve noticed your growing feelings towards him. 

“look, ___. you have been a greater help than i could’ve ever asked for. i was, well you know, just out of a long term relationship that ended well, badly. you were with me through every step of the healing process, and i will forever be grateful for you,” he said, taking a step closer to you.

“yeah, you- you really helped me too,” you mumbled, you couldn’t help the tears that were forming in your eyes.

“___? why are you crying?” he asked.

“no reason, jihoon,” you sniffed. there was a perfectly good reason why you crying, it was just a bit too embarrassing to tell him when he obviously didn’t reciprocate your feelings. maybe you got attached to jihoon to easily, someone who was obviously emotionally unavailable. maybe you had a type. 

things had ended badly with your ex, and you feared that things would end horribly with jihoon before they could even begin. 

maybe he would say you were too clingy, too needy, too this that and the other thing. was wanting to be loved such a bad thing?

all you really wanted was for him to notice you, but it appeared as though he was too focused on healing himself that he had left you behind without as much as a band-aid. 

lee seokmin “and though it's fading with time, i remember the warm nights with love in your eyes. passing the days, watching rains as it dries, staring at your eyes i know it's the time” - less and less by matt maltese 

a ball of sunshine. that’s how you described lee seokmin. you always grabbed his face in your hands and just looked at him, and he’d let you. then he’d giggle or something and you’d smile while you memorized every aspect of his face. 

but now, but now, he couldn’t even look you in the eye, not after he heard that you didn’t really care to see him anymore. it was weird to overhear from one of his friends who still kept in touch with you. apparently he would be too much of a distraction or something to that effect. he knew the chances of reconciliation were already slim, but just knowing you didn’t really want to see him at all hurt. it wasn’t necessarily a bad or messy break up either.

a mutual friend of the two of you had just gotten engaged, and they were having a celebratory dinner. seokmin had the feeling that you were going to be there, but he couldn’t skip out on this just because his ex would be there. that would be - sad.

you were chatting casually with one of the other dinner guests, and you looked as beautiful as ever. “seokmin? are you even listening to me?” soonyoung whined next to him.

“you’re drunk, soonyoung. i probably shouldn’t listen to anything you say,” seokmin chuckled, pushing on his obviously drunk friend. soonyoung whined and threw his head back against the wall that was behind his chair. “___ looks nice tonight,” he commented. seokmin nodded in agreement. 

he stole another glance at you, and that was when he met your eyes. god, those eyes. the same kind ones that he looked into every night before you said your goodnights and i love yous. you offered him a small smile and he reciprocated it as best as he could without it hurting his chest too much. 

he found himself stealing glances at you when you didn’t even bother to look over. he wished he could sit next to you and hold your hand. kiss your cheek like he used to. should he profess his undying love for you even though you had broken his heart over six months ago? would that be appropriate?

by the end of the dinner, seokmin had slung soonyoung over his shoulder and was bringing him out to his car parked nearby the restaurant. “seokmin, why don’t you ask ___ out again?” he grumbled as seokmin dragged him into the passenger seat. the smell of alcohol reeked on his breath as seokmin buckled his pouting friend in. soonyoung continued, “you two were so good together. so cute. you were so down bad for ___.” seokmin sighed. he knew that already. 

he looked at you like you hung the moon, and he genuinely believed that you did. your soft kisses on his cheeks and warm hands around his were nice, but they weren’t enough. as much as he wanted them to be, they just couldn’t be enough. 

“seokmin?” he heard your familiar voice float into his ears and shot up instantly, hitting his head on his car as he tried to escape the clutches of soonyoung. “oh, are you okay?” you giggled. 

“yeah,” he said, standing upright and rubbing the back of his head. and there the two of you stood in silence. oddly enough, it wasn’t as awkward as he thought it was going to be. there was a dull pain in his chest when he looked at you. “look, i just wanted to say it was nice seeing you tonight,” you said. his heart soared, but the pain hurt. “it was nice seeing you too,” was all he seemed to muster before he turned around to check on soonyoung. 

you must’ve thought he was trying to get out of the conversation because the next words you said sounded rushed. “i want you to know that i don’t hate you,” you said.

he froze. 

“i mean, i know you heard about what i said about not wanting to see you. that’s not what i meant,” you sighed. 

he nodded dumbly.

“i just- i know we didn’t end things badly at all. it was actually quite nice. i said that after we broke up and i was still a bit upset, i guess. i thought that if i saw you, i would just hurt all over again. i just wanted to stop hurting. i should’ve considered that you might hear about it and misunderstand, and i’m sorry about that.”

silence.

“i’ll always want you in my life, seokmin.”

“i’ll always want you in mine too,” he finally said, and he felt like he truly meant it. he knew that he wouldn’t be in your life like the two of you had planned, but just hearing that you wanted him - needed him - to just be there was enough. 

he had all those times that you looked at him with such love and affection that he didn’t care how he was in your life. he just needed to be in it. he had the memories how you kissed him. how you hummed songs while lounging around the house. how you would wrap your arms around him while he was cooking. how you held his hand when your car broke down in the rain.

you would remember the way he just admired you at a distance. how he cried when he forgot to water your plant when you left town for a trip. how he brought you flowers when he knew the ones you had were dying. how he sang in the shower. how he laughed at all of your jokes. how he grabbed your hand and kissed it just because. 

now you stood so close to him, but so far. he wanted to hold you close to him, feel your hands on his face, hear your laugh, kiss your lips, anything and everything. all it would take would be a couple of strides and he would be close enough to smell the perfume you put on for the evening.

but something in him kept him from doing that. he looked at you. the look in your eyes wasn’t the same as when the two of you were together. something else was there. admiration, respect, unconditional love. something in your eyes told him it was time to let you go. he would always remember you and all the moments you shared, but he needed to let go of what he had. let it fade until all that remained was the dull ache in his heart. 

“i’ve missed you, ___,” he said meeting your gaze. 

you smiled, “i’ve missed you too. please don’t be a stranger.”

“i won’t.”

the pain in his chest was still there as he watched you leave, but he supposed that it would always be there.

kim mingyu so i can't love you even though i do 밀어내 봐도 난 너를 못이겨 “so i can't love you, even though i do. i try to push you away but i can't beat you” - invu by taeyeon

this was wrong. he knew it. you knew it. he was on a first date with mutual of one of his friends, and he only agreed because he needed to get his mind off of everything, off of you. it should be easy, nice laid back dinner date. it had been a while since he had been on first date, but he couldn’t be that bad at this whole first date thing.

apparently he was pretty bad at it. 

“mingyu,” you gasped, as he grabbed onto your waist. “where are you taking me?” he didn’t say a word. something in his blood boiled when he saw you sitting with your friends at the same restaurant he was at. he quickly excused himself from the table and made his way to your table. your table was conveniently located on the way to the bathroom. he turned his head to make sure his date wasn’t looking, luckily his date’s chair was facing the other way, so he could get away with snatching you away from your friends.

you barely had time to process what had happened. you sensed someone rushing toward you, but you figured it was just a waiter. suddenly you were pulled out of your seat and there was a familiar arm wrapped around your waist. “mingyu, what are you doing?” you demanded as he pulled you into the single-bathroom and locked the door. “i was having dinner with my friends.”

“and i was having dinner with a date, but here we are,” he scoffed.

“you’re on a date, and you dragged me in here!” you yelled. “mingyu, you’re unbelievable. you should be on your date. this is incredibly rude of-” 

“do you miss me?” 

“what?”

“do you miss me?”

“not in the way you want me to.”

that seemed to do it for him. he pressed you against the bathroom wall and kissed you in the way that took your breath away. “mingyu,” you gasped in between his kisses. you felt the way he was holding onto you, it was pure need. “mingyu, we- we can’t. your date,” you breathed as your hands found purchase on his shoulders.

“fuck my date. i’m only on that date to stop thinking about you,” he admitted.

“mingyu-” you began to pull away from him.

“stop calling me that,” he pulled away and looked you dead in the eye.

“what? your name? it’s your name, mingyu. what else am i supposed to call you?”

“please, ___. you know.” it sounded pathetic and you practically melted. “gyu,” you caved. he didn’t realize how much he missed you until this moment. well, he had been missing you since the two of you parted ways several months ago, but now that he had you so close to him, that he had just kissed you, he missed you more than ever. you were so close. he could just go back to kissing you. he really wanted to go back to kissing you. 

you don’t know how you could let this happen. mingyu was always very nice to you. he was sweet, caring, attentive, all the things you could want in a boyfriend, but you just weren’t ready for the type of commitment you knew he craved. 

he wanted to move in, settle down, get married, live life. it was all too real to you, so you ran.

sure it hurt to break up with him. to tell him that you didn’t want to move that fast, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever marry at all. it was all just too confusing. but now, that you were here with him, you knew that you had made a mistake.

but you had missed your chance.

he tried to move back in to kiss you again.

“gyu, stop,” you whispered. he did, but he didn’t back away. “go back to your date, gyu,” you sighed. “it isn’t fair to your date. it isn’t fair to you.”

“what do you mean, ___? i want you. i’ve only ever wanted you,” he complained, he couldn’t let you leave again. “i’ll wait for you, for as long as it takes for you to realize that it’ll always be you. that you’re the only one for me,” he rushed.

“don’t say that stuff, gyu,” you smiled at him resting your palm on his cheek. “i missed my chance with you. you deserve someone who will appreciate you from the start. you don’t deserve someone who makes you wait around.” 

and with that, you pulled away from him, took a quick glance in the mirror and fixed your hair, and left.

and he had no choice but to let you. 

xu minghao “oh, simple thing, where have you gone? i'm getting old, and i need something to rely on. so, tell me when you're gonna let me in. i'm getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin” - somewhere only we know by keane

“what do you want?” you asked, leaning against your door. 

“can i, uh, get some books that i left here?” minghao asked not meeting your gaze. you squinted your eyes at him. this was so not minghao behavior. even though the two of you stopped hooking up a couple months ago there was still some sort of tension that made you want to claw your hair out. “yeah, i have work soon, so, uh, make it quick,” you mumbled, moving out of the way of the door. he nodded and quickly brushed past you. 

your apartment was small and you knew what books he was looking for. they had been sitting on your coffee table for the past months. it wasn’t like you took time to read all five of them in his absence. it wasn’t like you ranked them by how much you thought he would like them. it wasn’t like you knew the book with the green cover would be his least favorite. but you knew you were never going to tell him that. 

you picked up the stack of books and handed them to him. he took them and glanced around your apartment. he noticed that the painting the two of you made together as a joke was still hanging out by the window, and he couldn’t help be smile at that. 

now there the two of you stood. saying nothing. being with minhao was always quiet, but never this type of quiet. this was stale and somewhat raw, you missed the times of soft comfortable silence. 

“well, thank you for holding on to these,” he finally said.

“of course, i mean i’m not a monster who throws away books,” you chuckled. he laughed. you loved it when he laughed, especially since it took you ages to get him to stop stifling it around you. 

“before i go, ___, i just need you to know that i don’t regret the things we had, and i don’t regret how things ended. i just need to know why.”

if you thought the air was stale before, you were not prepared for that. “i- i swear it has nothing to do with you,” you said. all he did was nod. “i don’t know,” you resigned yourself. 

“yes, you do,” he shrugged. you stared at him, dumbfounded. yes you knew, but you were barely ready to admit it to yourself, how were you supposed to admit it to him? 

“i understand that you’re lost, i am too. maybe you can’t tell me right now for whatever reason, maybe you don’t even know yourself, but i can’t stand not being around you,” he said finally.

you just looked at him. he wanted to be around you? after you broke up with him? he still wanted to be around you. 

“look, i know it’s weird, but i’ve spent a lot of my time with you. i’ve genuinely enjoyed all the things we’ve done together, and i’m just at a loss for what to do. you were a huge part of my life and now that we’re not together i-” he rambled

“don’t know where to start again,” you finished for him. his eyes flickered between you and the ground. 

you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same. leaving minghao had left some sort of void in your life that you weren’t prepared for. he had been a huge part of your life and then he was just gone. “i guess we could try to be friends again,” you suggested. “just to start again.”

he nodded.

deep down you knew you couldn’t just be friends with him, and he knew that too. yet, he agreed. he needed somewhere to begin again, and you did too. so like you always did, you would always come running back to each other even if it meant leaving each other for good in the future.

“hey, hao,” you called after him. he turned on his heel and looked at you expectantly. “don’t read the book with the green cover. you won’t like it,” you warned. he glanced down at the books he was carrying and back up at you. “noted,” he smiled. “i guess you’ll have to recommend me a different one next time.”

boo seungkwan “if i were a mountain, i'd stand my ground, and maybe i'd never listen. but if i were a mountain, i'd close my mouth and maybe i'd be forgiving” - i’m not a mountain by sarah kinsley

seungkwan tried. he tried his hardest. he gave his everything in every aspect of his life. he gave his all to you, yet for some reason it wasn’t enough. sure, he knew this wasn’t an official thing, but he still treated it as though it was.

“i just- i don’t understand,” he stammered. the look in your eyes was not one of malice or hatred, just sorrow. “i’m moving, kwan,” you sighed. “i can’t- i can’t make you wait for me. we can hardly make it when you make your trips.” 

that was true. he needed you like oxygen and his job wasn’t necessarily very forgiving towards the health of his... friendships. “don’t you think we can work it out?” he questioned. “is everything we’ve done together mean nothing?”

“that’s the thing! everything we’ve done means everything to me,” you cried. “please just let me go. maybe if we meet again, it’ll be meant to be.”

he paused. 

it meant everything? did that mean...

“i can’t just let you go. we are meant to be. us, here. right now. this is right. why can’t you see that?” 

from his perspective, it was his fault.

did he not show you enough love? did he not text or call enough when he was away? was he not a nice enough friend for you to stay?

 if he was stronger he would’ve stopped you, even though he knew you were right. some people say that couples who are meant to be together can last the test of time and distance, but that was the issue. you and seungkwan were meant to be together, physically, mentally, emotionally.

“seungkwan, please just - i’m sorry. i can’t play this game anymore.”

“then let’s stop playing, i’ll give you everything!”

“but i can’t give you everything.”

that would be fine, as long as you’re with me, he thought.

“i’m sorry, seungkwan. i- do like you, a lot. more than i should. and it isn’t fair to you to wait for someone like me who can’t love you in the way you deserve,” you sighed, making your way to the door.

if seungkwan was stronger, he would kiss you. he would hold you in his arms and tell you that you are the only person he’ll ever need or want. he would tell you that he loves you. he would ignore the things you said about leaving and make you stay. make you see that you were his world. 

if seungkwan was stronger, he would stand there and forgive you for all the times you couldn’t give him your all. he would forgive you for ghosting him occasionally. he would forgive you for breaking his heart. 

but seungkwan, wasn’t strong enough to do that. he was upset that you could walk away. he was upset that you were crying about this. he was upset that he couldn’t do anything about it. his facade was in shambles, and his world was crumbling around him. 

instead of standing up and protesting anymore, he shut his mouth and bowed his head. tears were dotting the floor as he heard you make your way to the door. “i’m sorry, seungkwan. i love you,” you whispered.

he heard.

“i love you too,” he said as the door clicked shut.

choi vernon 어느 날 우연히 마주치면그건 우연이 아닐지 몰라 “if we meet by chance one day, maybe it’s not a coincidence” - one day by chance by ailee

“you have to meet him!” your friend giggled. “he’s so your type!”

“type? and what would that be exactly?” you entertained the notion. 

“im not sure, but he’s for sure your type!” you rolled your eyes. you hadn’t dated anyone since high school, and even then it wasn’t that serious. “and what if he isn’t my so-called type?” you questioned.

“then you get to hang out with me at an awesome party,” she stated.

you didn’t even like going to parties, but you only went to entertain her (and to be her ride home). when you finally arrived at the party she slipped way saying that she was off to find the guy. you sighed and made your way the kitchen to find the bottled water. it was most likely going to be a long night and you were-

“oh hey, sorry,” the guy you just bumped shoulders with apologized instantly.  

“no worries, i wasn’t watching-” you paused. “- where i was going.”

“___.”

“vernon.” 

“there you are! oh! look you found him before i did!” your friend exclaimed a cup already in her hand. 

right. this was the only person in high school that you had a relationship with and thought it was mildly serious. “you were looking for me?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“no.”

“yes! i think ___ is just your type!” you friend practically screeched. 

“is that so?”

“i’m afraid not. i’ll be outside,” you grumbled to your now confused friend as you walked out the back door. you heard your friend calling after you, but you couldn’t be bothered. it wasn’t like you held a grudge towards vernon, but he was the first guy to break your heart. you knew it was just a stupid high school relationship, but there was something about him. something that was so charmingly awkward that you couldn’t help but enjoy his lame jokes and not as lame music tastes. you didn’t even announce to your friends that you were dating, you didn’t really announce it to yourselves either. it just started. and it just sort of ended. maybe the reason it hurt so much to see him here was simply because there wasn’t any screaming or crying or fighting when it all ended. just zero effort or care was behind the ending.

then something just happened and the two of you just stopped hanging out as much. you knew you couldn’t completely blame it on him. he started hanging out with a different crowd, as did you. and suddenly, it wasn’t. the breakup was as quiet as the get together. but it didn’t hurt any less to see him with his arm around someone else at lunch. 

after high school you tried your best to move as far away from your hometown. you largely succeeded. new friends, new places, new experiences. you had it all while avoiding any contact from your previous life. but there was always that thought lurking in the back of your mind about what could’ve been. 

it was just a stupid high school thing. then why was your heart beating so much?

you were too lost in thought to notice that vernon had joined you on the porch. “long time no see,” he said, taking a drink from his cup. you scoffed, but not so much in an unfriendly way. just a “that was such a you thing to say” scoff. he laughed taking a sip of his drink. and there you sat in silence. it was comfortable until it wasn’t. 

“why’d we stop talking,” you asked suddenly. he shrugged. “not an answer, vernon,” you groaned. 

“we grew a part, i guess.” the conversation topic obviously irked him. it was weird, because you had dreamt of this moment for as long as you could remember. reuniting with your high school boyfriend. it seemed far fetched, yet here you were. you were never one to believe in that metaphysical stuff, but maybe this meant something. maybe this was the universe saying something. no. it couldn’t. it was too good to be true. 

“did you feel anything for me? i mean, back then at least,” you asked finally. 

“yes,” he said, with a sort of certainty that scared you. 

“okay, good.” you turned and you were about to go back inside as you muttered to yourself, “at least now i can move on.”

“what if i don’t want you to?” he called.

“excuse me?” you turned on your heel to stare at him.

“what if i don’t want you to move on?” he repeated. 

“then you should’ve tried.”

lee chan “got to get it in my head, i'll never be 16 again. i'm waiting to live, and waiting to love” - when by dodie

some things never lasted, and that was a tough pill to swallow. an especially tough one for chan. he moved away, but he had his phone and your number (and address if he needed to resort to letters). there shouldn’t have been a problem. he promised he’d call or text at least once a day, as did you.

and for a while. it worked. things were just the same as they were. almost as if he had never even left. 

yet as time passed, he wasn’t expecting to be so busy with his new neighborhood, school, and friends. so, he forgot to text and call quite often actually. just sporadic texts for holidays, funny things, “hellos” and “goodnights.” nothing like what you two were like before. and soon, that became the new normal - for the next four years. 

that is until one day when he suddenly remembered the deal the two of you had. he felt guilty. every day turned into every two weeks to once every month, and even less frequent than that. he had promised you the bare minimum, after all, you two were best friends. 

however, when he looked at your contact and messages, he realized that you never reached out that much either. just the same “happy winter break!” or “aren’t you so glad summer break is here?” or “we should visit each other soon.” those plans never came to be. 

maybe if he had just told you how he felt before he left, the remnants of your relationship wouldn’t be in such shambles. you would have a reason to text and call him. you would have a reason to come and see him and vice versa. except, he didn’t. you two were better off as friends anyway.

and he thoroughly believed that himself. he really believed it when it was the summer and he wanted to visit his grandparents who happened to live a little outside your childhood town. he still loved you even if he couldn’t call you every day to show it. who knows, maybe he could pass through, see you, and finally get to tell you how he felt after all these years. just because you guys didn’t talk as much didn’t mean things would be awkward or weird, right? and it definitely wouldn’t be weird if he just confessed his feelings he had been harboring for you since the seventh grade, right? the feelings he concealed and tucked away just in case you didn’t feel the same. the feelings he didn’t want to risk a friendship over. the feelings that still made him dream of you. 

so as he drove through his small hometown he parked along the street where the two of you would walk and window shop. he got out and strolled around greeting some of the older store owners who “oohed” and “ahhed” at him. he was finishing up his conversation with the baker when he heard it. 

the undeniable sound of sunshine. the laugh he grew accustomed to throughout your entire elementary and middle school years. he bid farewell, and went searching for it. he walked down the street and looked for it, for you. then he came to the end of the sidewalk and saw you. you were sitting on a bench with some ice cream. you looked beautiful. your eyes bright and smile wide. so bright and wide that he almost missed the guy who was wrapping you up in his arms and kissing your forehead. 

oh. 

so things did change. chan didn’t recognize the guy, but he knew this guy was more than a friend. his heart was sinking to the bottom of his stomach. and it sunk even further when he realize he needed to walk right by you to get to his car. 

shit. 

just tear off the band-aid fast. maybe you wouldn’t recognize him. maybe you would be too immersed in the conversation you were having the guy to notice. he didn’t know what he would say to you. confessing wasn’t exactly appropriate now, not that it ever was. would he be awkward? oh please don’t be awkward, he pleaded with himself. 

so he just went. he just walked. looked around at his surroundings. acted nonchalant. he was the closest to you he’d been in years, and he couldn’t even bring himself to wave at you, let alone look you in the eye. he ducked his head when he got closer to passing the bench where you sat. he kept his eyes to the ground and successfully made it past your table. there was approximately five beats of his heart when it dropped again. “chan? is that you?” you called after him, he heard you get up from the bench. he looked over his shoulder slightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully turn around. you stood in the middle of the sidewalk, ice cream melting down your hand, and your presumed boyfriend staying off to the side. he turned back around to keep walking to his car. “god, chan!” you shouted. “get back here! why didn’t you tell me you were going to be in town?”

“sorry, i- i have to get to my grandparents’ place by dinner. it was nice running into you, ___,” he mumbled, blinking his eyes to stop the tears from falling. 

“chan, come on, it’ll be quick.” you were getting closer to him. he couldn’t let that happen.

“no, ___. i can’t. i have to go.” i don’t know what i was thinking. “i’m sorry. just text me or something.” 

he really should’ve told you how he felt when he was sixteen.

min | mmmm sad foolish people in love.... i wanted to do one with ceilings but i already did doomsday so i didn’t want to go overboard with lizzy... it’s been a while since i wrote angst ALKDJ leave so feedback in the comments or in the tags (they’re all greatly appreciated) not proofread