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moonlightsolo · 2 years

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and i see you.

summary: after finally admitting your feelings to each other, neteyam promised a surprise for the two of you. an unfortunate emergency cuts it short, sending you into your first (and not last) fight with the sully family against the rda.

pairing: neteyam sully x fem!navi/human reader

warnings: kinda suggestive, lots of smooching, fluffy fluff, mentions of a main character getting hurt, violence/guns aka the rda being assholes

word count: 4.4k

note: i’m sorry for it taking so long to get this out my mental health is MEH rn but i promise it was worth the wait <333

part one | part three | part four | part five

“oh great mother! neteyam, slow down! please!”your voice yelps out as your arms wring tighter around his neck.

one of his hands grips the underside of your thigh to hoist you even closer to him, a laugh bubbling from his chest.

“just hold on- i got you.” his deep voice coddles you, but is still laced with humor. “i told you that i wouldn’t be careful.”

you can’t help but groan at his words, letting out another squeal when he slightly loses his balance and almost slides off the side of a branch.

another laugh barks from his chest because obviously your fear is humorous to him.

your legs are wrapped around his waist from behind, ankles locked on his abdomen with your chest flush against his back.

neteyam leaps to branches from tree to tree, swinging on vines through the forest with you attached to his back.

when he told you he is going to take you somewhere special, you didn’t expect him to act like a syaksyuk.

his sprints slow down into a jog as he stops by a thick log resting over a deep cavern. he takes a deep breath before scurrying across it to safety, over to a ladder that is nailed into the trunk and disappears up into the trees.

“what’s this?” you question, angling your head up in attempt to spot where the ladder leads to. all you can see is leaves and darkness.

“the surprise, duh.” he chuckles, bending down slightly to let you slide off his back.

“you climb up first, i’ll be right behind you.” he taps your hip with a little smile.

of course, the first thing that runs through your mind is that he just wants to get a good look at your ass, but you continue on.

you grumble softly, peering up into tree before reaching out to grip the steps of the ladder to start your ascend. you refuse to glance down, out of fear you might panic from how high up you are.

you realize there’s a little wooden trap door once you reach the top that you can push open. your head pops up inside a small room with windows, noticing a few handmade blankets and cushions thrown around.

you can’t help but notice an open doorway that leads outside to the small wrap around platform that overlooks the vast expanse of the forest.

once you stand up fully inside, you realize the room sits nestled securely in the branches of the large tree.

“a treehouse?!” you scramble over to the window, looking out over the landscape of trees and clouds. wow, you’re really high up right now.

you look back to see neteyam climbing up, a happy smile on his face once he sees you’re surprised. “what is this place?” you take a step forward to go outside, but his hand reaches out to cup your face and pull you towards him.

now all your attention is suddenly on him, and you can’t pull your eyes away. you instantly get lost in his round golden eyes. he grins down at you with his pearly white teeth, thumb gently rubbing your skin in circles.

“before i tell you, let me kiss you for a bit. i’ve missed you.” his voice fans over your body like a warm blanket, sucking you in even deeper.

“haven’t we been together since… uhm i don’t know- sunrise?” your hands slide up to rest on his sides, eyes scanning his face before he leans forward to shut you up.

every time you kiss him it feels like the first time. as if he knows your body like the back of his hand, like he’s been kissing you for decades.

one of his hands finds solace in the dip of your waist. he gently squeezes the soft flesh there as the other angles your face up by pressing on your jaw, “you’re just so…amazing.” you mumble into the kiss, which makes him chuckle.

something deep in neteyam’s chest constricts, your simple words have such an effect on him.

something rather primal overtakes his senses, making him press forward to deepen the kiss even more. your feet stumble backwards from the increased force until your back is pressed against the wooden wall. he pulls back slightly to take a deep breath before coming back to kiss you with even more fervor.

a hand slides down from your side, over the swell of your ass and to the back of your thigh. he easily lifts you up to his height, bringing your entire body in the air so your legs could wrap around his narrow hips.

you pull back from his lips slightly, making him lean forward to chase your lips with his own. “wait.. wait. you still haven’t told me what this place is.” you giggle out, making his eyes look over your face in disbelief.

“it’s an old omaticaya overlook tower,” he leans down to kiss you a bit more before pulling back, “used it for hideouts, spying…” he trails off as an arrogant little smirk forms on his lips.

his hand cups your jaw, thumb swiping over your lower lip. he uses his finger to press down and pull it down as he leans down to kiss you again, “and things like this…”

your breath hitches in your chest from his delicate touches, making your abdomen tighten and flutter.

“so you’re saying your ancestors.. mated up here and now you’ve brought me here too, for what? the same thing?” you trail off with a little sly smile. you decided to tease him a bit, to see how he’d react.

neteyam yanks his head back, eyes wide as he looks over your face, “no, no.. i mean- i didn’t bring you here just for that. i- shit,” he hisses out and shakes his head, “i didn’t mean to, but it seems like that way, huh?”

you can’t help but stifle a giggle, bringing a fist up to your mouth to cover it. the humor bubbles in your chest when you see his confused face, “why are you laughing?”

“because… i’m just messing with you.” you cackle, letting your head fall to rest your forehead on his chest.

he can’t help but laugh along with you. arms squeezing tight around your frame to hug you. “ah, lekye’ung ‘eve.” he kisses the top of your head before taking a step backwards. he lets your legs go, unraveling them from around his waist.

you can’t help but look up at him, admiring his little smile and how he called you his ‘crazy girl.’

you could do without the crazy part, but being his girl is all that matters.

his hands slips into yours as he leans down to peck your lips, “let’s go outside.” he pulls you towards the doorway, ducking slightly as he takes a step out into the fresh air.

your eyes go wide from seeing how high up you really are. your heart thumps against your chest and in your ears, each breath constricting with every inhale.

your eyes dart around, noticing other floating mountains above in the sky along with puffy white clouds. you can’t help but look down, making your chest constrict with even more anxiety.

a fall from this height is deadly, and this rickety deck under your feet doesn’t seem too supportive.

“it’s beautiful, but… imkindofscared.” you blurt out.

“you’re scared? why?” neteyams smile falters as he turns toward you, eyes and facial expression full of concern. he looks over your body, seeing how you’ve pressed yourself flat against the siding.

neteyam’s grin returns and lets out a little chuckle, “you’ve been on an ikran with me, and you’re scared of.. this?” he gestures with his head towards the view.

all you can do is nod quickly, exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“awwww, you little baby.” he teases you as his hands travel to your hips to squeeze them. your eyebrows furrow together from the name he called you, “not a baby.” you grumble, trying your hardest to not smile by hiding your face in his chest.

neteyam throws his head back as he cackles loudly; the sound is heavenly, “suuuuch a baby.” he wraps his arms around your shoulders to waddle with you backwards inside the hut.

you finally suck in a full breath once you’re inside again, your arms squeezing his waist tight. “i’m not a baby.” you say again, digging your head farther into his chest.

neteyam sighs in defeat, “okay, whatever you say…” he trails off. you can’t see the smirk that rises on his face, “…baby.”

you groan and pull back from him, looking up into his face. “i’m seriously going to punch you.”

“oh, yeah?” he cockily grins down at you as one of his hands grips your chin. he begins to lean down, aiming to kiss you but you slither out of his grip to stand behind him.

he couldn’t help but laugh as he turns around, “really? you’re gonna play that game now?”

you nod as you bite your lip, staring him down competitively. he goes to step forward, but your hands go up in attempt to be ready to dodge him.

in millisecond, neteyam flashes forward to twirl your body around and wrap his arms around your waist from behind. you let out a little squeal as he spins you around as your legs flail in front of you.

he finally rolls to a stop, still holding your body up to his height so your feet were off of the ground. he presses a warm kiss to the back of your exposed shoulder, “my parents want to see you today.”

everything muscle in your body freezes up in his embrace, “why do they want to see me?” you squeak out, feeling your heart pattering faster against your chest.

“they want to talk to you… as the girl who stole me away from hunting today.”

“neteyam…” you groan out his name in annoyance, “why would you skip hunting today to be with me? your parents must think i’m a bad influence on you.”

neteyam laughs wholeheartedly as he puts you down, letting you turn around to face him.

his big round eyes look over your worrisome face, “mostly because i would rather be with you and they’ve known you since the beginning of time. of course, they don’t think of you as a bad influence.”

“i know how your mother feels about my kind. i know what she says about kiri’s human friend behind his back.” your eyes drop to your hands that are resting on the points of his hipbones.

neteyams body stills from your words, his hands grabbing your cheeks to angle your face up to you look at him. “you’re not like spider. as much as my brother and sister like him, you are a part of us. a part of this tribe; this family.”

your breath catches in your throat, happy tears welling in your eyes. “ma neteyam… i see you.” you breathe out shakily, leaning forward to capture him in a tight bear hug.

“and i see you.” his hand drags down the backside of your head, cascading down your hair. he twirls one of your many thin braids that hide within your hair.

he presses a kiss to the top of your head, “i don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t belong. especially because of my parents.”

a muffled voice makes your head lift from his chest, your pointed ears twitching as you focus in on where the sound is coming from.

neteyam sighs, his thumb rubbing against your skin as his other hand raises to his throat to press on his comm device.

“yes, i’m here.”

your eyes look up at him through your eyelashes, nervously chewing on your lower lip. he makes eye contact with you before answering again.

“we’ll be there soon.” his hand drops from his neck, a soft annoyed puff of air falling from his lips.

“it’s my brother. he’s in trouble. we have to go.” neteyam’s body is rigid under your fingertips until he pulls away from you to head back out to the balcony.

you watch him as his hands cup around his mouth, a loud animalistic sound squaks from his throat to call his ikran to him.

your eyes go wide when you hear the loud flapping of its wings and another screech from the animal responding to it’s owner.

you muster up the courage to scurry outside to neteyam, his hand reaches out to help you climb onto his back. “i need you to hold tight for me.”

neteyam’s words are icy, with no sort of emotion as he stands up on the wooden slats on the edge of the overlook and steps off with no warning.

your stomach does a somersault in your abdomen from the sudden drop. it feels as if your lungs collapsed, all the air wheezing out. instinctively, your nails dig into neteyam’s skin as you free fall through the clouds.

suddenly the cold air whipping through your hair stops, and your fall is halted by neteyam landing on the back of his banshee. he swiftly makes bond with the animal and takes off through the trees, weaving and bobbing past the trees.

your eyes squeeze shut tightly whenever the animal takes a sharp turn,

“i can’t believe him. why would he do something so stupid!!”

“neteyam, what the hell is going on?!” you yell out over the sound of the wind soaring past your head.

“my brother! he has kiri, spider, and tuk- goddamn tuk! she’s just a child and they’re surrounded by avatars with military gear.”

your heart drops to your feet, eyes widening from his words.

oh no. the sky people are back. wait, is your mother back?

neteyam drops lower to land next to his parents ikran’s on a tree. the sun above is starting to lower, the forest darkening below.

he climbs off and grabs his bow off the side of the animal as he does so. after situating himself, he helps you off before walking over to his parents.

“no, no. you stay with the ikrans.” jake says as he loads his weapons, barely looking up at his son.

you can’t help but feel neytiri’s eyes on you, examining you now as neteyams possible mate instead of the little girl who was left behind by her mother.

“dad, i’m a warrior like you. i’m supposed to fight!” he’s starting to grow angry with his father, his eyes dart over to his mother for some help, but she scolds him softly with his own name.

jakes eyes shoot up from his gun, looking directly at neteyam and then to you for a brief second. his eyes go back to his son, “i’m not going to say it again.”

neteyam stands up straighter, shoulders flexing back slightly, “yes, sir.” he gives him a curt nod before twirling around, storming past you back to his ikran.

you can tell that he’s upset with his fathers orders, but alas, he must listen to him. he is olo’eyktan, and toruk makto.

you watch in silence, obvious strain on your face as his parents swiftly walk past you to hop off of the tree and into the darkness of the forest.

you turn around to look at neteyam, and the look he gives you makes a chill run down your back.

you’ve never seen neteyam this frustrated. only once when lo’ak did something and neteyam was screaming at him while chasing him through the tribe.

you shake the thought from your mind, taking a few hesitant steps towards him. “‘teyam.” you breathe out, looking at how his hand is stressfully stroking the neck of his ikran.

“i just don’t get it. they tell me to come here for what? to watch their animals? babysit?” he scoffs with a smile and a shake of his head.

not the kind of smile that makes your heart flutter, but the one that shows you how furious he is.

you reach out, gently letting your fingertips ghost against his bicep. your touch makes his head sharply turn towards you, his features softening once he realizes who it is.

“i’m sorry. you deserve to fight and to help find them.”

before he could answer, shouting and gunshots echo in the jungle making you wince in fear. neteyam pushes you behind him, the force sending you stumbling into the side of his ikran.

he pulls his bow from over his shoulder, aiming an arrow as he inspects the surroundings. when you lift your head up, you can’t help but take notice to the flashing of guns shooting and yellow smoke billowing out from the foliage.

“we need to go.” neteyam’s hand strongly grips your arm to swing you onto his back as he jumps off of the tree. he lets you down once his feet hit the ground, unsheathing his blade from his waistband to hand it to you.

“whatever happens. stay behind me.” both of you glance down to your hands wrapped around the knife between your bodies. he gives you a nod, which you return before you both take off in a sprint towards the commotion.

“demon! i will kill you as many times as i have to!” neytiri’s strong voice yells from somewhere above, making you and neteyam slow down.

“you and the corporal have been pretty busy, haven’t you? got yourself a whole litter of half breeds.” another man’s voice sounds from in the jungle. definitely not jake sully’s.

a very obvious avatar creeps forward with a gun, unaware of you and neteyam standing in the tall grass behind him.

you look up to where he is aiming, noticing that neytiri is hiding inside the branches of a tree. “neteyam!” you’re cut off by the boy raising his bow and sending an arrow right through the mans back hitting his heart.

another avatar appears from behind a fallen log with a heavy machine gun, “na’vi!” the man screams.

neteyam struggles with reloading another arrow and before you could register what to do next, you’re both tackled to the ground and bullets are flying past your head.

your eyes shoot open as you gasp for air; not knowing if you’re alive or dead at this moment. the force from hitting the ground had emptied your lungs, making your ears ring.

“go! go! go!” jake shouts at you and neteyam. your fight or flight response kicks in, causing you to jump up from your spot. a large hand presses against the back of your head to keep you ducked down as you sprint forward.

jake is behind you and neteyam, ushering you forward behind a tree. the wood splinters with every bullet that pierces the bark, flashes of light from their guns lights up the dark forest.

jake looks absolutely terrified as he checks over neteyams body and then yours, “are both of you okay?” his voice is loud over the gunshots.

all you can do is nod as you suck in quickened sharp breaths, holding neteyam’s knife close to your chest in case you need to use it.

“you both need to follow me. ready?“ his eyes dart around, “ready?!” he ushers out with more urgency.

you nod along with neteyam, watching how jake steps out to aim and shoot at the avatars before taking off in a sprint with both of you following. “let’s go!” jake yells out, hopping easily over a large log as the bullets fly past your head.

the adrenaline courses through your veins, causing you to easily leap over it, but the height on the other side was a deeper drop for you than expected. your ankles buckle as you hit the ground, a loud snap echoing from your leg.

neteyam was right on your tail, leaping over your head and clearing the jump. the boy shouts your name when he sees you on the ground, stopping in his tracks to grip your arm and pull you back up to your feet.

“let’s go! we have to go!” jake shouts as he scampers over to you both on the ground.

instantaneous pain shoots up your leg making you cry out and fall into neteyams chest, “my leg!” jake instantly realizes you’re hurt as he looks over your leg.

the man scoops up your limp body and starts to sprint forward with neteyam following close behind him. his breath huffing with each long stride, one of his arm’s supports your back and the other is behind your knees.

the sound of bombs going off makes your blood go cold, praying to eywa that nobody else is hurt.

the bullets slowly fade away, knowing that jake and neteyam were fast enough to out run them. he jumps into a small clearing, coming face to face with lo’ak comforting a very emotional tuk.

“are you okay? are you hurt?” he instantly goes into dad mode, gently placing you down against a tree so he could pick up his younger daughter.

neteyam plops down next you, his chest rising and falling rapidly from the exertion. you can’t help but lean your head into his shoulder, wincing with every movement, “how bad does it hurt?”

“i think it’s broken.” your voice whines in pain, squeezing your eyes shut tightly and biting the inside of your cheek.

as an RDA ship lowers into the trees, the lights illuminate the jungle floor. the strength of its engines cause havoc. thankfully, neytiri and kiri emerge from the vegetation.

she instantly scrambles to tuk, taking her daughter into her arms as jake brings the family into a group hug to console his children.

“thank you, great mother, thank you!” neytiri exclaims as she holds onto kiri and tuk.

neteyam soothingly rubs soft patterns into your side as he watches his family reunite. his other hand reaches across his chest to cup your cheek, bringing your foreheads together.

“we need to get you back home.” he whispers before pulling back to look at his family, who are all staring at you two awkwardly.

“let’s go.” neytiri stands up, holding tuk on her hip while kiri sobs into her mothers shoulder. is she hurt too?

jake unravels his arm from lo’aks shoulders to bend down to neteyam and yours level, “i don’t know whatever you kids got going on but we have to go.”

jake gently picks you up, a cry escaping your lips from the unfortunate movement of your broken leg.

“she’s hurt?” lo’ak looks at his father with wide eyes. the boys hands are obviously shaking from the events that have unfolded, “we need to get her to norm.”

the sully family and you slowly make your way back to the ikrans, painfully placing you into neteyams lap. making you finally get a good look at your leg that is purple and snapped right above the ankle.

“don’t look at it. look at the sky. look at me.” he urges you as one of his hands holds onto the rein while the other supports your head.

once you’ve landed back at camp, you’re pulled away from neteyam and into norms lab. he’s quick to work on you, bandaging your leg up with a splint and administering you pain medication.

of course, neteyam was outside pacing the entire time after being kicked out by norm and max for yelling at them for hurting you.

you overhear muffled conversation as norm opens the door to the lab, allowing neteyam inside. you can’t help but smile dopeily at at the blue man as he storms over to your bedside.

he takes a huff of air from his pack, before leaning down to give you a soft kiss. one of his hands envelopes the top of your head, caressing your hair with a relieved smile.

both of you take a deep breath in sync, your smile growing even wider from his presence. “there’s my girl. there’s that smile i missed.”

“i feel so good right now.” you hiccup out with a little giggle, “norm gave me some stuff to help with the pain aaaand it’s definitely helping.”

he can’t help but shake his head and chuckle at your euphoric state, his thumb softly rubs across your forehead which makes you purr like a cat.

neteyam grins at you, before his face falls as if he remembered something terrible. “i overheard my parents talking.”

your eyebrows furrow at his seriousness, gulping as your mind races with what he could have heard. something about you? is he not allowed to be seen with you anymore?

“my father… he wants to leave. he feels as if our family puts the clan in danger, and wants to keep us safe.”

that is not what you expected.

your heart lurches in your chest, an instant lump forming in your throat, “no, no..” you breathe out and begin to panic, “neteyam, you can’t leave! you just can’t!” you attempt to sit up, but he gently pushes your head back down against the pillow and shushes you.

“my parents want you to come with us. we’re leaving in a few days.” he smiles, almost sadly as if he’s silently mourning his home life.

your eyes blow wide and all you can hear is your pulse growing faster as it beeps on the monitor.

they want you to go with them…

“where are we going?” your breath shudders. there’s no doubt that you would follow them to the ends of pandora.

“the eastern sea. to the metkayina clan.”

your breath hitches in your chest. the ocean, you’ve always wanted to see the ocean…

there’s some part of you that is excited to leave, but your heart aches for the only life you’ve ever known. this is your home; the omaticaya clan raised you as their own.

you didn’t realize you were crying until neteyam’s index finger swipes under your eye, “it’ll be okay. we’ll be together, yeah?”

all you could do is nod through your tears, your lip quivering as your heightened emotions flood your senses.

“we’ll be together. always.”

tags: @k----a27s @aspenreadsfanfic @aliseaaah @bellwhether @xoxobabe @koalalafications @embersfae @mae-is-crazy @softhetixx @minkyungseokie @iwanttohitmyself @neqeyam

#neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam x reader #avatar #avatar twow #avatar x reader #avatar x you #neteyam sully fluff #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #neteyam x human reader #neteyam sully x omaticaya!reader #neteyam sully x human reader #i see you series

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achillestiel · 2 months

Text

Life Update/Help Needed:

Postpartum depression and anxiety sucks ass so much. Not going to lie, I'm in a shitty place most days and trying to get better.

I'm currently in therapy but struggling to afford it. The waitlist for NHS Mental Health services is actually a joke so I've had to go private. Maternity pay in the UK is appalling and now I'm majorly struggling. My family can't help because of financial issues and it's making my PPD even worse.

It's a lot to ask but if anyone can help in any way, I would be eternally grateful. Depression sucks and it sucks even more when I'm trying to be happy and healthy for my baby.

The goal is £300 for a block of sessions.

My PayPal

#i hate asking but im desperate #personal #cw depression #tw depression

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jiraisupportgroup · 2 months

Note

is it okay to be jirai kei if you can't afford the clothes and your parents won't buy them for you does that make you a fake jirai?

♡ short answer ♡

Jirai kei isn’t about the clothes themselves; it’s a community based in accepting & de-stigmatizing mental illness / mental health struggles.

♡ absolutely unreasonably long answer ♡

(Disclaimer: I am not Japanese nor do I speak Japanese. All of this is what I’ve gathered from other people on the internet in my own research when I was first looking into jirai-kei. I could very well be wrong or just talking out of my ass here - I would take my word with a grain of salt.)

Jirai Kei was loosely formed in 2019-2020. It is primarily based out of Kabukicho which is generally considered the red light district Japan, although the Japanese government is trying to change this.

Kabukicho used to be mostly known for soaplands & host clubs & bars & concept cafes - generally more adult or night-life activities. It still is home to these kinds of places, but before the Olympic Games held in 2021, the Japanese government wanted to clean it up and make the area more presentable to foreigners. Starting around 2017-2018 (from what I can tell) they started adding things like movie theaters, bowling alleys, just overall more general-audience attractions to the area to try and make it more consumable. This did start changing the image of the area; it was now seen more as a cool place to hang out - especially for those who were old enough to participate in the host clubs etc. The downside of this is that although it was seen as a cooler area to hang out & it’s image was more positive - there were still plenty of adult or night-life centered things there & many “catch-guys”. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it did kind of make a perfect storm.

Since Kabukicho was starting to be seen more as a cool hang-out spot, a lot more younger teenagers started wanting to go there. And especially once the pandemic hit and most places were closed down (while many establishments in Kabukicho chose to stay open) the sentiment of “I hate where I am right now, my life here sucks, I want to go to Kabukicho where things seem like fun” got even stronger.

This led to an influx of runaway teenagers going to Kabukicho. Additionally, a lot of runaways in Kabukicho were very fed up with their living situations (hence, why they chose to run away in the first place) and mental health during the pandemic was not great anyway since there was a pandemic going on obviously that’s going to negatively affect people’s mental health. Even further: in 2022, Japan lowered the age of adulthood from 20 to 18, so even more & younger people could participate in the nightlife scene. Again, not necessarily a bad thing; however, it meant a lot of the runaways going to Kabukicho with little money, poor mental health, and generally not knowing what they want to do with their lives were now surrounded by catch guys & night-life workers. Night-life workers make a lot of money. A lot of these kids needed money to support themselves, especially if they didn’t want to go back to their hometowns.

Now, am I saying all adult work is bad or all jirai’s were adult workers - no absolutely not. However, this environment is what kind of started the ball rolling.

Alright so we have set the scene now wtf is jirai kei.

Jirai kei stems directly from the derogatory term “jirai onna” literal translation “landmine woman”. This is a term pretty much used to say “that woman is going to pop off” (like a landmine) & was leveled towards any woman with mood swings, intense emotions, poor coping mechanisms, etc. Keeping in mind that Japan does not have a great medical or social infrastructure for dealing with mental health - and that many people’s mental health was greatly impacted by the pandemic - it is not surprising that a lot of people were in this position. In western circles I’ve seen people tie this really heavily to BPD specifically - but the term isn’t specific to bpd - it’s really anyone who has an emotional outburst, or that the people using the term derogatorily think would have one.

So a lot of people decided to reclaim this term & spin it to be their own thing. Kind of saying “yeah, so what? I am a landmine. My mental struggles are real. They are my reality. And if you don’t like that or think that’s ‘wrong’ fuck you. I’m not going to sugarcoat myself for your comfort”. Additionally the idea was also used as push-back for the societal views around mental illness. They’re pretty much signaling “being mentally ill or facing mental struggles does not mean we are bad people, it does not mean we don’t deserve love, and we should not have to hide our mental struggles or go through these things on our own”.

So if it’s a subculture based around accepting and fighting for mental health, where does the fashion come in?

Most of the fashion you’ll see in jirai kei tags are girly kei, dark girly, ryousangata (loose translation: mass production), or extensions of larme kei (another Japanese fashion which is really similar to girly kei but slightly different). Why is that?

These fashions are generally mass produced & easily available in Japan. Think about Liz Lisa and MA*RS for example. These are BIG brands. They’re not niche or hard to find. Additionally, the style is very popular. Ryousangata is considered SO mass produced that “everyone looks the same” (it’s actually quite popular amongst fans of boy groups). It’s not like a strange or niche or overly special style in Japan.

Especially not in Kabukicho, a lot of people working at concept cafes & the like would wear these types of styles because they’re easy to get, easy to style, and super overly adorable. The fashion also works GREAT for runaways in Kabukicho. They’re capsule wardrobes you can make like 10 outfits with 5 pieces of clothing so it works really well if you’re living out of a suitcase. Also it’s a pretty inexpensive, easy to obtain & super cute so it’s very appealing to these teenagers.

From what I can tell these fashions were most popular in Kabukicho and spread out from there, which is why you’ll see a lot of people say that if you’re dressing in these styles people will assume you work at a con cafe or other night-life-adjacent work, but the style has gotten much more popular over 2023-2024 so this doesn’t seem to necessarily be the case anymore.

However, since these styles were associated (albeit not exclusively) with Kabukicho & con cafés, etc, and because a lot of people in this area were drained from types of jobs or runaways & living in a culture where they’re told they should not talk about or show their negative emotions - the term “jirai onna” would be used against many people in these fashions.

Now, again, this term was not exclusively used for everyone dressed in this style, and not everyone dressed in these styles was considered that, but the link is definitely there. Jirai Kei is not completely removed from dark girly or ryousangata, but it is definitely more nuanced than “jirai kei is dark girly+”, that’s just not the case. Especially now that jirai subcul is much more popular - and a lot of the fashions you’ll see in jirai subcultures are barely girly kei / dark girly / ryousangata, if at all. I’ve seen jirai subcul people wearing just t-shirts and shorts.

However; especially in western societies, a lot of people falsely associate jirai kei with dark girly WAY too heavily. My best guess is because we don’t see ryousangata regularly. A lot of people have only seen the style in a “jirai kei” context. They are related to each other, jirai kei does have links to dark girly, but the fashion style itself is not necessarily “jirai kei”. It’s a common style in Japan - it’s not a common style in other parts of the world - so people mashed the two together in one concept because they don’t know otherwise.

This is where a LOT of discourse in the Jirai Kei community stems from - I’m not going to go too deep into it because everyone gets extremely mad about it & im not trying to open that can of worms and spill it all over the table.

I’m sure you’ve seen posts mentioning “fashion landmines” and “lifestyle landmines”. “Fashion landmines” being people who just like dark girly or ryousangata and mistakenly identify the fashion itself as “jirai kei”, and “lifestyle landmines” being people who hold to the values of accepting and raising awareness of mental illness / struggles that was the movement which started the reclamation of the term “jirai onna” to begin with.

Tldr they don’t like each other and people get really mean about it.

All of this being said: Essentially, yes. Dark girly and ryousangata and girly kei are related to Jirai Kei, but no, you do not have to have the clothes to be a part of the community. The clothes are secondary (and honestly optional) to the community’s values.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk lmao

#oh my god I’m yapping in this one #anyway hopefully I didn’t get anything too wrong #asks are open if anyone has anything to add or if I got anything wrong #mara is yapping #jirai #jirai girl #jirai kei #jiraiblr #jiraikei #landmine girl #landmine kei #landmine type #landmineblr #pien kei #asks #anon

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hatredmadeofgold · 3 months

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So, Raiden has DID, right. This is a fact.

What do you think about his system? I know you write fanfic about him, do you think there are any other elaborated parts other than Raiden and The Ripper? (I'm not a fan of "evil murder alter," but I feel like naming would be pretty ambiguous. :)

Hey anon, I am sorry in advance but this answer is 2263 words long lmao Go sit back with a beverage of your choice (I recommend water) and enjoy the ride.

[Not sure if you’ve read my little attempt at an essay from July 2022 about him having DID (it’s here), but I do consider it outdated now and would love to update it (same as the one on him having ASPD) at some point when I got the energy for that.]

This is a fact made me laugh a bit, ngl.

I am not a fan of the “evil murderer alter” thing either (I watched Split once and while I give my kudos to the actor’s portrayal of various alters, the story itself sucks ass and I also found it boring as hell to be honest) — if anything, Raiden’s entire system consists of “evil murderer alters”, or none of such at all. We’re speaking about a character who admits to enjoying murder, and that wasn’t The Ripper speaking back then in MGS2 either — Raiden isn’t left in the dark of his violent nature, but he’s left in the dark about the details.

I don’t want to give too many spoilers for my fanfiction series @mgsr-sing-to-me away, since the story goes in-depth about my concept of his DID system, how it was created and what each alter roughly represents, but I’ll try to give you a quick rundown:

Something I think most MGS fans can all agree on is that Raiden in all three games in which he appears feels somewhat different, to the point of ‘inconsistency’ even, and this has created my interpretation and headcanon for him to have DID in the first place, and Raiden having suffered from amnesia is a well-known canon fact.

To me, however, it’s not MGR Raiden who feels strongly different in terms of personality — it’s MGS4 Raiden who feels like an inconsistency.

I consider the Raiden we see in MGS4 actually a different alter being in control of the body than the one who is in control during MGS2. During MGR, it feels like a mix of both of those alters but let me get to that later.

‘Jack the Ripper’ is an obvious alter, not an ‘alter ego’, and when I played MGR in Japanese, the cutscene after the Monsoon boss battle in which Raiden touches the wound on his abdomen made me realise — hold on, he suffered amnesia right there.

Something that I strongly dislike about the English Dub of MGR is that Quinton Flynn isn’t really good at the portrayal of Jack. Throughout the Japanese dub, however, Ken’yuu Horiuchi uses his voice to show the literal switching between at least three alters present in Raiden throughout the game. Unfortunately, this isn’t evident in the English dub much at all, aside from the Jack the Ripper Awakens cutscene.

For easier understanding’s sake, I will give those alters some nicknames (also to prevent spoilers for my fanfiction):

The Raiden of Denial, as we see him both in the first half of MGR and MGS2

The Raiden of Dissociality, as we see in the later half of MGR and on and off during MGS2 (especially during {optional} Codecs with Rose)

Jack the Ripper

The Raiden of Sorrow, as we see him during MGS4

I took these 4 observed alters from the canon as my pillars to roughly create my concept for his DID system, which boils down to an approximate number of 16 or more alters in total.

I say ’16 or more’ because Raiden has never received adequate therapy for his mental health issues during canon, and it’s hard to determine an exact number of alters in general due to the covert nature of the disorder.

I decided to keep the exact number ambiguous but clear and simple enough to not get overwhelmed because technically someone with such severe trauma as his could result in poly-fragmented DID (aka 100 or more alters), but that’s not even set in stone.

Let me get into the specifics a bit.

—

Raiden of Denial alters are parts of him that are, what the (flawed) model of structural dissociation would probably call “apparently normal parts” (short: ANP). I take this model with a grain of salt because DID isn’t as neatly structured as this model suggests (in my experience), but to keep it simple, these alters are less aware of the full extent of their traumas and are therefore ‘functional’ in everyday life as well as interpersonal relationships, however, they feel less ‘fleshed out’ or ‘mask-like’ in his case sometimes.

All Raiden of Denial alters tend to run away from their past, hence I label them with the word “denial”. All of these alters are adults, and the apparent Host alter {at the time}, present in the first half of MGS2 until the nanomachines suppressing a part of his memory (aka suppressing the majority of the system) are deactivated by Solidus Snake, is one of such.

—

Throughout MGR, we can see two alters intruding on each other’s consciousness with thoughts, feelings and memories. One of them is like the one we see in MGS2 and the prologue of MGR, one in denial. Then there’s one we see sometimes in MGS2 and more and more prominently during MGR, a dissocial one.

We see an indirect switch right at the beginning of Chapter 1, where a dissocial type takes over. This shift is also picked up by Kevin, mentioning Raiden’s callousness that Raiden does not respond to.

These two alters are in so much conflict with each other throughout the game that Jack the Ripper decides that he’s had enough of that shit from the other two because neither of them is capable of handling being consistently confronted with triggers and reminders of “who they all really are on the inside”, and shoves them both out of the frame and takes on full control.

This comes with strong amnesia about what happens during his takeover. It’s not total blackout amnesia, but rather that it feels like watching himself act in the third person perspective, and the memory feels like Raiden is watching a YouTube video on a bad internet connection in 360p resolution.

—

Now Jack the Ripper is a persecutor-type of alter — an alter that has a protective role for the system, however, a persecutor’s methods are causing harm to the system overall.

I don’t want to give too much away from my fic as I said, but I’ll give you the hint that Jack the Ripper that we see during MGR is both an adult and a child at the same time.

A child who is trying to protect himself by lashing out at everyone and everything around him. It is obvious given the context of what we are told from the games that Jack the Ripper was born from the horrible things he was forced to witness and forced to do himself when he was a child soldier in Liberia, hence his age-ambiguity. And even The Ripper is split into several variants, making The Ripper his own category of alters.

The variants of The Ripper handle various parts of the horrible things that he had to endure as a child soldier, and they vary in ‘age’ and what triggers them out but they all behave roughly the same.

Despite being different alters of the same category, unlike the other alters within the same category, Ripper variants all consider themselves to be one and the same, perhaps unable to understand the barriers between them as well as gaps in memory.

Also one part of these alters is a child alter who has none of these violent and hostile traits at all, but is still a part of this category. This alter is protected by the rest of The Ripper, and contains all of these emotions that he was not allowed to openly show to guarantee his survival back in Liberia, like fear, sorrow, and pain but also empathy.

There are multiple of these child alters in the system, but they are hard to distinguish without giving them names, some have memories of their trauma, and some are completely oblivious.

—

The Sorrow type of alters are what we exclusively see in MGS4 and are what I associate with self-hatred, recklessness, suicidal ideation (internal homicide), self-harm and substance abuse.

Sorrow types are either adults or teenagers. They exclusively have a detailed awareness of Raiden’s addiction issues, which is another headcanon I have and is also listed in the content warnings for Sing to Me (ARC 2: Parasite Eve will handle this topic the most; and it may or may not be rather graphic, it depends on what I decide in the end what I will decide to publish).

—

Now I have listed 4 types of alters but I did not say anywhere that each category of them equates a set amount of alters to get to the number of 16 known alters in the system.

Because there’s another category to throw into the mix: Introjects.

So far, I have 4 introjects in mind that are part of Raiden’s system, but due to Sing to Me spoilers I cannot share them all.

Introjects are alters based on another person, be that a person in the system’s life, a celebrity they look up to, or even a fictional character. They exist in all DID systems in real life (and some sources confirm fiction-based introjects aka fictives since the 1980s) and their existence has a link to the psychology of child development.

One introject Raiden possesses is based on Solidus Snake/George Sears. Said alter is also a persecutor type and could be overlapping somewhat with the Ripper category, but is not a direct part of them. This persecutor introject of Solidus causes the entire system a major hit to their self-esteem, as he enacts the very same punishment onto the system, as the real Solidus Snake did on Raiden when he was a child soldier under his control, and also sabotages a lot of Raiden’s relationships by ‘protecting’ him from perceived threats that he sees in others.

—

Another I have in mind is perhaps based on Solid Snake/David and could have formed way before they’ve actually met. This makes sense because Raiden had gone through 2 years of VR training for the Big Shell mission, which put him into Snake’s role when he was on a solo infiltration mission on Shadow Moses Island in Alaska. This David introject is very loosely based on the actual person and is more of a fragment of what Raiden had been made to believe during those times. After their meeting, this introject might take the role of a ‘caretaker’ type of protector. Caretaker in this context must not be understood as to be something like a mother or father figure! However, this alter is counteracting the Solidus introject as well as the Ripper variants, by trying to get himself back on track.

—

Then there’s a fictive I feel like I can share about, and it’s the only female alter in the system: Ripley. And with that one I mean the actual Ellen Ripley from the first 4 movies of the Alien franchise.

Given that MGS2 mentions Raiden and Rose having met over arguing over King Kong, I came to think of what other types of fiction Raiden would enjoy and wrote myself a (still unfinished) list of movies and books.

The Alien franchise started in 1979 with the first movie, so it even matches timeline-wise that Raiden possibly saw those movies in his late teens, perhaps on TV or borrowed them from a local video rental store. Kaijū movies seem to be his thing, and although the Alien franchise is not considered one, it does overlap in some aspects of the genre.

Ripley as an alter might have formed when Raiden was moved into a foster family’s home, and to cope with his terrible nightmares that felt far too real, his psyche latched onto the fictional character to dissociate himself further from his past.

What I imagine is that he saw his nightmares, the flashbacks, and what he went through as something as undefeatable and unkillable as the xenomorph as described in the first movie, “the perfect survivor, without a conscience, guilt or remorse, nor moral code”.

Now Ripley was able to survive the xenomorph, and also kill it — by shooting it into space. Something that Raiden always wished to do with his past, just to erase it, as we learn in MGS2. At the time this alter takes its shape, he was maybe 15 or 16 years old. Ripley is also a protector, to protect the child in him additionally from pain. This alter then also takes a motherly role for the system inside Raiden’s Inner World, something that cannot be seen by an outsider.

—

The last introject I cannot say anything about it, since that one would give a too-harsh spoiler for my story plans with Sing to Me. I’d LOVE to talk about this alter and the absolute mindfuck he will create once he surfaces and interacts with other characters in the story, but my hands are tied. It sadly takes me so much time to work on the story due to the lack of energy I have overall, but it’s on my mind every single day. Even writing this answer took me two nights T_T

And considering that I’ve written over 2200 words to answer this ask already, I will make a cut here. Because honestly, I could write an entire book about Raiden (and Sam).

Which… I am actually doing, sort of, with my fic, due to its sheer estimated length of around 100 chapters for just the main story.

#Raiden #Raiden MGS #Raiden MGR #Metal Gear Solid #Metal Gear Rising #MGS #MGR #MGRR #Metal Gear Rising Revengeance #MGS2 #MGS4 #Dissociative Identity Disorder #golden writing #long post #anon #ask #Sing to Me #Golden Essays

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autisticlancemcclain · 11 months

Text

———

“Keith Kogane, you magnanimous dumbass, would it kill you to ask me out like a man. Something like that.”

Hunk presses the pause button. He tucks his phone back into his pocket. He turns to Shiro, expectant, prepared.

“So,” he says.

Shiro stares at the space in front of him, fingertips pressed together and in front of his face.

“So.”

“Your brother is kind of an airhead.”

“He is indeed.”

“No offense to Keith. He has his smart moments. Probably.” Hunk’s mouth twitches. “Sorry. I said that to not be mean and then immediately thought of the whole Voltron cheer situation and laughed in my head. I promise I don’t actually think Keith is stupid.”

Shiro’s mouth twitches. He forces his face to remain neutral. It is a challenge.

“Keith refused to name his pet gecko as a child,” he shares. “He insisted the gecko would reveal its name when it was ready.”

Hunk bites his lip very hard. He looks deliberately away from Shiro.

“He was thirteen.”

The yellow paladin presses his hands to his eyes. He tries visibly hard to compose himself. He fails.

“…I see.”

“My fiancé often said he must have been born blond.”

“Boy, do I have news for you.”

Shiro raises his eyebrows. “More news than your recording of Lance processing his love?”

“There was an incident beforehand,” Hunk explains. “You know how Lance does those leg stretches sometimes? When we have agility training?”

Shiro inclines his head.

“Well, apparently last week he did them in front of Keith and Keith was so distracted he walked into a wall and broke his nose. He had to go into a healing pod.”

Truly, Shiro would love to say that he’s surprised. He’d love to say that his brother, known gay, was not so fixated on a cute boy that he walked into a whole ass wall hard enough to break his nose. He would love for that to be true.

But he knows his dumbass brother.

“Oh my God.”

“And he still isn’t picking up Lance’s hints.”

“Oh my God.”

Hunk nods, patting Shiro’s hand sympathetically. “We gotta do something, man. I can’t keep watching this.” He pauses. “Also, I really want to stop hearing about what Lance thinks about Keith’s Galra form. I really can’t hear any more talk about fangs in places fangs should not be placed. It’s not good for my mental health.”

Shiro sighs. Even he has heard Lance’s mutterings about Keith’s fangs, and Lance still gets all shy and star-struck around him. At this point it’s gotta be a human rights violation.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he promises.

———

He finds his brother in the training room, because of course he does, getting absolutely demolished by the training bot.

“You’re getting your ass kicked,” Shiro observes.

Keith grunts.

Shiro makes himself comfortable at the edge of the mat, sticking a straw in a juice pouch and sipping it leaisurely as he watches the twerp get pummelled. It’s amusing, in the way watching those test-dummy car crashes are amusing. Or videos of kids crying in fear of Santa Claus.

“Level failed,” echoes the pleasant voice of Space Siri, as Lance and Pidge have dubbed the disembodied robot voice of the training room. “Try again?”

“Fuck off,” Keith mutters to it.

Shiro stretches out and pokes him with his toe. Keith only half-heartedly tries to slice him about it.

“Somebody’s brooding.”

Evidentially deciding he would rather vent in Shiro’s direction than fall for Shiro’s transparent attempts to goad him into a fight, he flops down dramatically, stealing Shiro’s juice pouch and rudely sucking back the rest of it. Fucker.

“He’s so confusing,” he says, free arm flailing. “Just — all the time.”

Shiro politely refrains from asking him to clarify. He knows who he’s talking about.

“Hm,” he says instead, supportively. “How unfortunate for you.”

“Right!” He throws his hands up in the air, sending his bayard flying in one direction and the empty juice pouch in another. Shiro watches it go with great sadness. “One second it’s — Keith, you suck so bad, ugh, you’re such a weird dweeb. And the next it’s I’m hanging out with Coran and you’re not allowed to come and also I hate you.” He looks at Shiro expectantly. “He’s so!” He gestures vaguely. Shiro assumes it’s meant to mean something.

Shiro stares at him.

“See, to me there’s no dichotomy there,” he says slowly. “You said that as if it was two different sentiments. But in fact that was the same opinion expressed twice.”

“The tone was different,” Keith insists. “The dweeb thing is affectionate. He says it in a friendship way. I’m sure of it.”

“Friendship,” Shiro echoes.

“Exactly,” Keith agrees.

Shiro hums. He’s quite sure, now, that he is not going to explain to Keith in any words of his own how much of an oblivious dumbass he is. There is no sentence or string of sentences that Shiro can use to demonstrate just how obvious Lance is being, and how obtusely Keith is responding. He’s going to have to be clearer than that.

But. For his own amusement.

“Could you maybe explain how Lance shows his friendship to you? So I can better understand, of course.”

“Well, for starters, he says we’re enemies but always wants to pair up,” Keith says. “That’s friendship, right?”

“That’s certainly one way to put it, sure.”

“And the fact that we hang out so often.”

“Of course.”

“And the clothes stealing, of course. Lance says I have gross mullet germs but he’s always stealing my jackets, so that doesn’t add up.”

Shiro purses his lips. That is — whew. Poor Lance is in the trenches.

Keith pouts. “I just don’t get why he flips around it all the time, man. I mean, one second he’s all smiles and nudging my shoulders, and the next he’s bright red and stomping away. He’s so confusing!”

Shiro can take this no longer.

“Keith, I am going to show you something,” he says, digging his phone out of his pocket and pulling up the file Hunk sent him. “Okay?”

“…Okay,” Keith says hesitantly.

Shiro stares at him for a moment longer. Then he sighs, shoves the phone into Keith’s hands, and presses play.

The video starts shaky, audio muddled, and when it clears Lance is lying sprawled on Hunk’s bed, pillow strewn dramatically to the side.

“I just wish I could get it through his fool head that he is loved by me particularly in such a way that I want to hold hands and kiss and generally be nuisances of the affectionate kind. You know, romance,” he is saying.

Keith goes still next to him. With every passing word his jaw drops lower and lower.

“You could also ask him out like a man,” Hunk is explaining.

“Choke and die,” responds video-Lance, and then the audio cuts. Shiro puts his phone away.

“So?”

“I have to go immediately,” Keith says. He’s up and halfway out the door before Shiro can blink.

“Shower first!” he calls. “You just sweated it up with the training hot for God knows how long. Wash off before you do anything romcom-y.” Keith disappears around the corner. “Keith, do you hear me? Shower first! Keith!”

———

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itgirlgyu · 11 months

Text

txt when they have explosive diarrhoea! *UNSERIOUS

۫ ִ ﹗🐡 𓏸 txt!ot5 . ⊹ ݁ 🗯 ⋆ WARNING!!! lots of shit talk again as it is still a normal part of life!! THIS IS A JOKE!!! 𖤛REQUESTED!

CHOI YEONJUN.

too prideful for the diarrhoea pills.

hunched over with his legs cross while holding on to the wall for his dear life.

"It's a way of living."

sure it is yeonjun.

everyone already knows that he's suffering.

everyone can see how much yeonjun is clenching but they'd rather rejoice seeing the man in pain than help so it's like a fun time as he flails like a flag in the wind.

beomgyu purposefully occupies bathrooms so he has to suffer and wiggle and silently cry as he waits for him to come out

with taehyun recording yeonjun's entire ordeal

soobin walking around yeonjun while playing shitting noise on his bluetooth speakers.

it's a group venture at this point to mentally scar yeonjun for life

beomgyu only comes out when huening kai texts him that yeonjun had become blue in the face.

after yeonjun crawls into the bathroom at last

no one can enter that place anymore for like a week

it has been officially declared a biohazard zone.

yeonjun refuses to acknowledge that day.

CHOI SOOBIN.

the first thing after he is done shitting is slamming beomgyu's door open and accusing him of putting something in his take out.

beomgyu—"but i wasn't even there when you ate last!"

refuses to accept that he is suffering because had eaten spicy ramen last night which he hadn't been able to digest.

makes it everyone's problem that his ass is on fire but also refuses to go to the hospital because he is too embarrassed.

doesn't take pills because he thinks it can also heal on its own while huening kai has to help him by dragging him to the bathroom and stay outside for moral support with soobin checking every 4 second to make sure he's actually there

after taehyun forces the medicine down his throat, he's still complaining that the pain hasn't stopped within five seconds.

by the end of the night everyone has dark circles and messy hair from staying awake with soobin

with soobin finally crawling our of the bathroom like

"yes it's stopped coming out!"

while cradling the bump in his head from beomgyu's outburst and a punch

everyone cheered.

and then no one ever talked about that day again.

CHOI BEOMGYU.

brother just casually drops it in the conversation???

like we don't want the health state of your gut health beomgyu.

especially how much ton you think ended up shitting out.

will actively ruin any and every conversation with his near death experience with diarrhea.

"i almost shit my spleen out, that was such a scary event in my life."

meanwhile taehyun weighing the consequences of telling him that he can't shit his spleen out vs hear beomgyu try to argue that his butthole suction is that strong that he can ACTUALLY do it.

while yeonjun has his head out of the window to clear himself off the me talk traumatic flashes when he was at the apartment the day this had happened and he almost had to take beomgyu to the hospital while his dropping shit like a pigeon.

beomgyu has to be shut down manually because one more word and yeonjun would have flung himself down.

KANG TAEHYUN.

this man will DIE shitting before he let's you know that he also had his bouts with diarrhoea.

biggest hypocrite when it comes to shit talk because man wants to be in everyone's business like an overactive enthusiastic activist like there's nothing to be ashamed about YOUR GUT HEALTH! TAKE PROBIOTICS!!!

except when the matter becomes personal.

will not tell anyone that he's shitting thrice in half n hour and his stomache is feeling its being sucked out and his butt is on fire.

hyuka—oh why are you walking like that taehyun?

taehyun—i was twerking.

contrary to his own beliefs, doesn't take any medicines.

has his squabbles with diarrhoea until it gets better on its own

and then when his ass heals, gets back on his high horse

lies that he takes care of his diet so well that he never had diarrhoea ever

HUENING KAI.

okay he might not tell anyone because nobody asks him about it.

even when he's like running across the house until he becomes a blur to get inside the bathroom like his life depends on it

not a squeak from anyone.

sometimes when soobin would be occupying the bathroom, scrolling on his phone while huening scratching onto the door like

he's gonna explode anytime soon

beomgyu walking by like, " oh wow huening are you cosplaying a cat?"

comes out of the bathroom all sweaty with his bangs stuck to his forehead to the dance practice.

and yeonjun is like, "everyone should be as hardworking as huening."

even when his ordeal is all over

doesn't tell anyone how much he was suffering

when taehyun asks him how does he take care of his food intake that well

huening kai breaking the fourth wall and looking the camera like it's the office.

COPYRIGHTS RESERVED TO ITGIRLGYU 23'. FEEDBACKS AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! PERM' TAGLIST: @impureperhaps @full-sunnies @ox1-lovesick @jisungsdaydreamer @wonioml @1921choi @forever-in-the-sky2 @beoms-sugar @gyuletters

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kiarabanetmi · 8 months

Text

Hazbin Hotel: Episode 4 Discussion

I’m here to discuss my opinion in the controversey/arguments/backlash regarding episode 4, specifically the lack of trigger warnings and the Loser Baby song. If this triggers you or you do not want spoilers please keep scrolling and have a good day.

So brief overview before the episode: this episode dealt with SERIOUSLY dark topics that made my stomach turn, through Angel Dust and his servitude to Val. He’s an abused, trapped victim in a horrendously horrifying situation, one that many people in the real world are stuck in or have experienced. And there are very real S/A moments in the episode, specifically during the BDSM filming scene and the throughout the rest of the Poison sequence. (Please note, as a person who has lightly participated in BDSM and is constantly trying to learn it, KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE BDSM! BDSM involved safety in losing one self, with a TRUSTED PARTNER/S and a safety system in place so all parties can be comfortable, secure and SAFE and not judged for stoping). And the fact that there was no trigger warning other than a 18+ rating is actually very troubling. Amazon, get your ass in heat and give a trigger warning on this episode! This is a legitimate concern.

This scene is haunting. And it did its job well. We see behind Angel’s facade, how he had learned to survive the abuse and r*pe he suffers from Valentino and who he’s forced to have sex with for him. And we also see he’s still a good person under it. He knows his situation is fucked and tried to keep Charlie away for her own safety and tried to protect her from Val as well.

Then he goes home and starts to self destruct. Husk was right. I’ve self destructed for different mental health reasons and even though my actions and way of self destructing is different from Angel’s, the mindset is the same. He’s been through hell that day, and the facade he put up is being criticized and put down by Husker. His safely net is being taken criticized and invalidated (even if it’s not healthy but just the best thing he can do in this unwinnable situation).

The the bar scene and the confrontation happens, as well as Loser Baby. The main critiques I see are these:

One: Husker is trying to compare his situation to Angel’s, which is “inappropriate and callous”. I mean, angel is S/A’rd for hours on end by strange men and Val daily/weekly and Husker is just indebted to Alastor right? There’s no comparison. Well that’s wrong for two reasons in my eyes. Firstly, we haven’t seen what Husker goes through with Alastor. What does Alastor have Husker do? Could he force Husk to do things, awful things, like Val does to Angel, just differently? We don’t know. But he doesn’t have control of his own life due to his own choice and situation, just like Angel. Second, I don’t think not trying to compare his situation to Angel’s, he’s trying to relate to him. Notice how Husk only tells Angel about his past AFTER Angel actually breaks down and tells him about how he tries to escape and hope to break enough that Val will get tired and let him go. That was the TRUTH, so Husk responded in kind. He’s not trying to compare his experience. Angel was finally honest; so tired and in so much pain he couldn’t keep up the facade and showed the truth. Just like Husk wanted. And in return for that honesty, the honest Husk kept telling and telling Angel to be, Husker opened up himself and shared him pain and past. (Also the fact that Husk was an Overlord is so fascinating and I hope it’s given more background information at some point! What he an Overload of gambling? Did he own his own Casino or business? What was his “department” or “specialty?”)

Second: Husker is telling Angel to “suck it up and accept his situation as hopeless,” and just punching Angel while he’s down. That’s not the situation at all, at least in my point of view. Remember, Angel is used to people complimenting him on his looks and videos by sick and greedy fucks or just being beaten and told he’s worthless by Val through physical, sexual, and verbal abuse. So what makes Husker calling Angel a loser any different? The fact that Husk is saying he’s a loser as well. He’s no longer seeing himself as better than Angel, or at least better than the facade Angel puts up. He’s also including himself in the saying. He’s saying “you’re a loser, and so am I.” He’s not saying “I’m better than you” or “suck it up, it’s hopeless so suck it up and accept your fate.” He’s bonding with Angel in the fact that they are both in shitty, fucked up situations (ones both of them chose: you have to WILLINGLY offer/bet your own soul) and instead of being fake with each other, they can open up to each other and understand each other. Val calls Angel a loser because he sees himself as better, and sees Angel as his property, and due to the soul contract he is. No one else calls Angel a loser cause he’s one of the most famous and valuable pornstars and assets in hell. Husker calling Angel a loser is to make him see that they’re alike and Husker is being brutally honest for the right reason. He’s right they are losers. Both of them are indebted to psychos who literally hold their lives in their hands. They have no autonomy and no way out and were there due to their own choices. (This does NOT mean they deserve what they get! And this does NOT mean that what Val does to Angel ok! It will NEVER BE OK!)

Three: everything is resolved after the song and we’re supposed to believe it’s all better? The song solved nothing right? It’s just fluffy bullshit shipping fodder to distract and devalue the hell Angel went through not even ten minutes ago. Well yes and no. It didn’t solve Angel’s situation at all, not even close. There’s still no idea as to how to free Angel from Val or make his situation better. And Angel will still have to go back to Valentino and be abused by him and those he has to work with. It doesn’t solve Angel’s plight. But that’s not the point. This song is supposed to be a turning point, even if it’s a small one. Until this point, Angel had only acted in his armor facade around husk, and Husk hasn’t bought it or even liked it. He said as much multiple times. At this moment, during this song, Angel and Husk finally begin to see eye to eye, and that they can be someone real to each other (the extent of that relationship will be explored down the line I’m sure), but they’re not immediately best friends or anything. It’s a start. And Angel realizes that while also having Charlie in his corner despite her severely bad attempt at helping on the porn set, he also sees that Husk is also someone who is like him and he can relate to. When you finally find someone who has been through a similar he’ll you’ve been through in a horrible situation, it does feel good. It makes you less alone. And when you are less alone you can start building a better foundation to become stronger.

These are just my POV on the episode. If you don’t agree with anything I said then that’s fine. I was just sharing my own opinion. And that’s what it is, an opinion. Not everyone is entitled to feel the same way I do. If this episode makes you hate the show now and you don’t feel comfortable watching anymore then that’s fine. This show has a very specific audience. My father and mother and some of my friends would never watch this show for various reasons, and that’s fine.

Hope you’ll share how you felt about the episode.

I may also make another post later about Poison and how some of the lines actually can relate to all forms of abuse, even domestic abuse and not just S/A.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel S/A scene #trigger warning #tw s/a #s/a mention #huskerdust #angel dust #husker hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel poison #Hazbin hotel loser baby #hazbin hotel valentino

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fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 3 months

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Y’know it’s funny. I originally made this account to be shamelessly posting and reblogging whatever the hell I wanted I didn’t care what anybody thought. Autistic rambling, rants, emotional breakdowns about personal life bullshit, reblogging porn, you name it I didn’t care id do it here. But it’s gotten a lot harder to actually post things here with this many people follow me. It’s like I have people watching me, and I have something to lose. Seeing my peers who post mild criticism of the website get their blogs nuked for no reason, and or pissing off the wrong trans andro truther and getting their blogs mass reported for totally not transmisogynistic reasons. It’s made me kind of afraid to use my own damn blog. Because I don’t want to lose it. And the way I can even post something kind of personal like when my post about my group chat of mentally ill women I’m friends with got popular and people started tags on it like boys will be boys, I made a post complaining about it and someone said some dumb shit in reply about how I have a following so I need to expect it or whatever. Idk. It’s just kind of exhausting. I don’t really want any more followers beyond reaching the milestone I’m next to. But even though I complain that having followers is just a pain in the ass with little benefits, that stupid number makes me feel like surely that means people care about what I have to say. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I feel like when I’m making a post for this blog I’m walking on eggshells now. It sucks. I’ve started posting more of my thoughts to Twitter now because I don’t have nearly as much to lose there. Surely I could just make a private side blog, but I don’t want to. Idk. I hate what’s going on with this place, I don’t really feel welcome anymore. I don’t know what to do, and I’ve got enough mental health problems that I don’t need to start worrying about my goddamn blog of all things. Whatever everything sucks everywhere forever

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winteriron-trash · 2 months

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pinned faq

hi, my name is roman. i used to be a semi-popular winteriron blog, but now this blog is mostly dead. so. rip, gone but not forgotten. but i still get some pretty common questions so here's a one-stop shop for most of them as well as links to the important things.

My Tumblr Fic Masterlist

My Ao3

My (dead) WinterIron Discord Server

Did you write the Tony Stark wifi tower fic?

yes, i wrote that fic! it is by far the most popular thing i've ever written and it will probably outlive me.

I found that fic on [insert site here], do they have your permission?

probably not, no. i have found that fic everywhere. and i mean everywhere. pinterest, wattpad, facebook, instagram, tiktok, mediachomp, and so on. honestly, it's been years and i can't control or chase down every single copy and i have no interest in doing so. i don't love that it was stolen from me (especially on for-profit sites) but it just is what it is. it's a fanfic rite of passage to have your stuff stolen, honestly.

can i do a translation/podfic/write something inspired by one of your fics/posts?

yes! there is always a blanket permission to do any sort of transformative work with my work, especially my older stuff. if it sparks joy and creativity in you, run wild with it. i prefer to be credited, but honestly, i'm just happy to see my stuff still inspiring people.

will you ever write winteriron/mcu fanfic again?

well, you should never say never. but in this case, you might want to say never. i have very little interest in winteriron or the mcu in general outside of nostalgia, and i likely will never write anything substantial for them again. it's sad, i miss it too, but i just don't have that spark for marvel these days. mostly i write dc comics fanfiction.

did you write [insert winteriron fic/post here]?

idk. maybe. probably. i wrote and posted a lot of things. you can scroll the tag on this blog to find all my old posts, some more popular than others. if you think it was me, chances are, it probably was. i got around a lot from like 2018 to 2020.

do you have a tagging system?

i used to but lord if i'm going to use it now. i don't even remember it, so your guess is as good as mine. tbh i just use tags as a place to ramble these days so navigating my blog is about as easy for you as it is for me. which is to say, it's not easy at all. because tumblr's search function is ass. i do know one of my old tags has my deadname in it. you'll probably find it if you look hard enough, but that is what it is.

are you going to revive this blog?

probably not consistently, no. if i have something i really want to say here, i'll say it, but i don't have much interest in maintaining this like i used to. i want to be able to, i miss posting here a lot, i just don't think it'll spark joy for me the way it used to, which sucks but that's just the way things go.

why did you leave this blog?

idk. life happened. i was an 18-year-old fighting chronic health conditions and mental health issues that led to me dropping out of high school so, tumblr sort of fell to the back burner, then got forgotten about entirely. eventually, i lost interest in the mcu as i felt the quality of it took a turn for the worst and i went back to dc, which i'm still into. i read some marvel comics, enjoy an occasional mcu project, but largely i just don't have the interest i used to. it sucks and i miss it, this blog probably kept me alive as a teenager. but now it's mostly just an archive of my past, and i'm okay with that.

can i talk to you/send you an ask/befriend you anyway?

sure, if you want, don't know if i'm good company though. but i'm always open to making friends and reminiscing about winteriron, marvel, and all that good stuff. i've gotta warn you though, tumblr fucking eats my DMs on this blog like no fucking business. i'm regularly fighting it. my discord is devilbonesofmetal if you wanna yell at me there, just say you're from tumblr.

#faq #about me #pinned info #personal #and that's all i got. i might change or add to this idk #and in case anyone asks: my pfp is winter soldier 2099 #i think i'm the only person out there who's a fan of her but by god i love her.#keeping the old natasha pfp felt weird so i ditched it #mostly bc having read some black widow comics i can safely say mcu natasha was fucking wasted potential.#rip comics nat you would fucking hate your adaptation self #anyway #i'm very serious about the blanket permission thing pls go wild with my stuff i don't care.#honestly #you can just outright steal an idea from me if you want. be free.#the stuff on this blog is so old i have no possessive attachment to it #so go wild

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hajimeshoe · 2 years

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HEAR ME OUT!! Leona, Jamil, Floyd, Kalim, and Duece with an s/o who has crippling anxiety, depression, and ADD but is the therapist friend.

They don't seem like it most of the time because they're emotionally detached, but still an empath.

Everytime there's an overblot, they sip Arizona tea like "Same shit, different day." And treat it like common shit because back in their world, their whole family was mentally ill, along with the friends around them who put their lives in s/o's hands.

Often seen dealing with other people's emotions and giving advice they don't even follow themselves. It's good advice too!!

S/o listens and sleeps to loud music at high volumes very often, (almost every second of the day and night) and eats and sleeps a lot to destress.

The resting bitch face is constant. They seem so annoyed by life, and they are. They just don't tell anyone that.

Low self-esteem but they talk about themselves highly to try and get rid of or hide it. More self loathing than not though.

They have many moments where they don't wanna listen to people but they end up listening to people anyway.

S/o also sucks ass at self care, but tells everyone to self care.

Ooh, Therapist Friend MC who needs therapy themself...sounds interesting. Now, I feel for anybody who goes through this - it is not a healthy place to be at all. Try to focus on yourself at least a little!

Therapist Friend!S/O Who Needs Therapy

Deuce

Deuce is the one you're normally giving therapy to

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

Like, out of all the others, he's the most likely to open up to his S/O even before you two start dating

But the second he finally figures out the toll it's taking on your mental health?

He has Ace, Trey, and Grim on your ass to ensure you're taking care of yourself (Goodluck to you, Trey is the Original Therapist Friend and the single mom of Heartslabyul)

I feel like he also listens to music at high volumes

So he has no issue with you sleeping with it on

100% will do his best to take care of you if you won't do it yourself

He's also the type to VIOLENTLY try to bring up your self-esteem

Punches of love <3

(Does not even give a damn if you punch back because he loves you)

Leona

Emotionally detached and annoyed by life, meet your soulmate

Leona does rant about his family occasionally

Mostly after coming back from breaks where he had to deal with them

Otherwise, he's mostly chill after his overblot

Wait, you need loud music to sleep? Too damn bad, listen to it when you're asleep and I'm awake

Honestly, you two never sleep at the same time anymore - one of you will sleep while the other is awake now. It works though! You can listen to music loud enough to burst your eardrums through headphones while Leona sleeps in silence, or you can sleep with your music blaring while Leona is awake and playing with your hair

You two still get to cuddle nearly constantly!

He's still a prince, so if you need therapy then damn right he's getting it for you, even if he needs to drag you to it

Lion Strength TM activated

Also, if you show even the smallest sign of Low Self-Esteem, he is becoming the Therapist and shutting down any argument you have. You're a bitch? It's called having a personality, hun. Body issues? Nobody is perfect, everyone has insecurities and he loves you just the way you are

Now, if you do not want to listen to someone but Leona finds them talking your ear off anyway?

Hopefully you can stop a Lion in a warpath because Leona will be out for some damn blood

If you're eating a lot? No worries. "Ruggie! Bring Y/n their favourite!"

Floyd

Needs Therapy 2.0

Like, with his mood swings? You're just a live-in therapist at this point

Jade is actually the one to point out to him the toll it's taking on you

After that, he'll be a little more attentive and conscious of your emotions and tells

He'll let you sit in the Mostro lounge to eat, or he'll show up at your dorm at midnight with chicken nuggets

And god forbid you talk bad about yourself...good way to put him in a bad mood and he will verbally tear into you

Then you two don't talk until he's back in a good mood and is abducting you from your "Therapist Duties" to have some fun

Jamil

Certified Caregiver

Like, he's dealing with Kalim's bullshit and is overprotective on a good day

So yes, he uses you as a free therapy service some days

But he still adores you

If you aren't taking care of yourself? Too bad, Jamil will hypnotize you to make you commit self-care actions

No, not sewerslide that is not self-care

He is watching you like a hawk now when you're around him and Kalim

You better be eating, have showered, brushed your teeth and hair if it's long

Also, WATER!!! He will make you hydrate no matter how stubborn you try to be

Kalim

Kalim is...well, he's a dunce

He couldn't pick up on Jamil's mental health after years of living with him, he is not picking up on yours until you're nearly at the breaking point

He just thinks it's nice that you let your friends vent to you even when you aren't social

It takes Jamil sitting him down and running through a list of your issues that it get's through to Kalim that you need help

And Kalim? He's never been one to hold back

You get the best Therapist and he is hovering over you

Even if it makes you feel worse, he is coddling you because you deserve everything in his opinion

It'll honestly take a lot to get Kalim to stop trying to care for you. He absolutely adores you and wants the best for you.

#twst #twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader #deuce spade #deuce spade x reader #kalim al asim #kalim al asim x reader

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to-thelakes · 7 months

Text

built to fall (4)

pairing; luke alvez x fem!reader

series summary; after having a rough month, the feelings that you had been harbouring for your co-worker finally come to the surface

series warnings; fluff, hurt/comfort, smut (later on), mutual pining, discussions of mental health, reader gets drunk, vomiting, suggestive themes, sexual tension, cases that the bau work are also mentioned so the usual warnings for the show apply

warnings for this part; MDNI (minors do not interact) sexual content, tooth-rotting fluff, domestic fluff, smut, oral (m receiving), reader sucks luke off while he's on the phone (idk what kink that is), slight praise kink, soft!dom reader but also not totally sub!luke

notes; right, this is my like second time ever writing a bj so uhm, i'm sorry if it's absolutely atrocious, this is also the last part i have fully written that i'm mostly happy with so this is the last of the updates for today (excuse the spam) but yes! i hope you enjoy the whore-ish fantasies, and there are more to come ;)

tags; @smurfenijsje12 @xoxomoonlightbabe

ao3 / masterlist

previous chapter

The drive to the dog sitter’s had been short but you were grinning the entire time. Being in the car with Luke, basking in his presence made you so smitten. Part of you knew that it was ridiculous to have fallen this hard but you wanted nothing more than to be with him.

Luke had offered that you headed into the house with him to pick Roxy up but you said that you would be fine to wait in the car. You didn’t want to stress Roxy out if she didn’t know who you were. Roxy was well-trained and Luke had tried to tell you that but you wanted to let her approach you if she wanted to.

And she did. The second that Luke had gotten out of the house, thanking the dog sitter profusely, Roxy began to tug on her leash to get to you.

“Oh hello, hello, gorgeous,” You fawned over Roxy as she bounded up to you. The dog frantically sniffed at your legs and hand when you offered it before she looked back at Luke. Then she went back to you and you knelt down to stroke her. Roxy loved the attention and she couldn’t help but nudge into your hands. It seemed that she liked you. Luke was glad.

You scritched around her ears and her tail wouldn’t stop wagging as you mumbled praises to her. Luke watched with an adoring smile, letting you give her all the attention Roxy wanted rather than splitting the two of you up.

“You happy that your dad is home, huh? I would be very happy, now he can give you all the attention that you need, yeah?” You continued to fawn. But then Roxy suddenly turned away from you and looked up at Luke. He chuckled and leant down, stroking Roxy.

“You’re happy to see me, aren’t you?” He said, his voice softened as he gave her all the attention that she had been deprived of while he was away. He then leant forward and pressed a kiss to her head before he stood up, “She’s gonna go in the back so just get in the front,” Luke explained and you nodded. You opened the passenger side and slid into the seat while Luke opened the car door. He coaxed Roxy in and she perched down on the backseat. Then he unclipped the leash and placed it in the footwell before he closed the door.

He then returned to the driver’s seat and glanced back at Roxy. She had settled nicely into the backseat but he noticed how you had moved your hand so that she could nuzzled her nose into it. It was a sweet gesture and Roxy seemed to appreciate the little bit of attention that she got even though she was being relegated to the backseat.

“She’s so cute,” You mumbled as you looked over at Luke. He grinned and started the car up.

“Oh, trust me, I know,” He said before he started to drive back towards his house. You couldn’t help the grin that overtook your face.

You squealed as Roxy practically knocked you over. The two of you had been playing tug of war with one of her toys and you had lost your balance, falling onto your ass in Luke’s living room. He was in the kitchen, making drinks for the both of you which meant Roxy had you all to herself.

The dog was on top of you now, still fighting with you for the toy while you giggled and tried to get up but you knew this was her way of asserting her win. You let out a defeated sigh and let go of the toy.

“I give in. You win,” You said to the dog. Roxy seemed happy with that and she clambered off you to go and chew on the toy happily in the corner. But you stayed lying on the floor, giggling to yourself as your arm rested over your eyes. After you had picked Roxy up, the three of you had gone on a walk around the neighbourhood before returning home for some lunch.

Roxy had been given some food and the two of you made rice bowls. The entire day had been so domestic and you felt like you were dreaming. Part of you thought that this would be all some cruel prank but when Luke returned with your glass of water and his coffee, you hoped that this wasn’t all a dream.

“Why are you on the floor?” Luke asked as he walked around the sofa to put the drinks on the coffee table.

“Roxy defeated me,” You said, moving your arm away from your eyes so you could look up at him. He chuckled softly at your words before glancing at the dog. Roxy was happily chewing on her toy in her dog bed. She looked very peaceful and not like the menace that he knew that she really was. He then glanced back at you.

“I think you gave up too easily,” He stated. You scoffed, placing your hand dramatically over your heart.

“I did not! She’s a very good fighter, thank you,” You stated as you pulled yourself to sit up. He nodded, clearly exaggerating the gesture as a way to mock you. You narrowed your eyes and then got to your feet, “If you’re gonna be mean, I’ll leave,” You teased. Luke crossed his arms over his chest, stepping up to the challenge.

“Yeah?” He asked. You nodded. He then grabbed your hips and pulled you into his chest, “You’re all talk, carina,” He said as you looked up at him. You moved your lips to be inches from him.

“Maybe I am but it’s worth it,” You responded. He chuckled and then connected your lips in a soft kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck, tugging him down so you could kiss him a little better. But before either of you could escalate it too far, he pulled away.

You pouted but then he asked if you wanted to cuddle and watch shows and you couldn’t deny that that sounded amazing right now. You were honestly still a little tired from the previous night so when he lay down against the couch and gestured for you to drape yourself on top of him, you didn’t waste a second.

In the end, Luke decided that he wanted to show you one of his favourite shows and you enjoyed it for the first few episodes but you were slowly beginning to fall asleep. It wasn’t because of the show but simply because you were exhausted. Luke could see that and he found himself stroking your hair as you began to slip into sleep.

It would only make you more likely to sleep but you needed it more than most people he knew. He wanted that comfort for you.

When you woke again, it was a few hours later. Luke had switched and put on a new movie and was dozing off against the sofa. Roxy had taken her place beside the two of you and she seemed sleepy too. You pressed a soft kiss against Luke’s clothed chest before you snuggled back into him. He let out a mumble of your name and you let the smile spread across your face.

“Hi,” You mumbled as you moved your fingers to trace circles on his chest, “Sorry I fell asleep,” You muttered. Luke mumbled incoherently but you could gather from his tone that he didn’t seem to mind that you had fallen asleep, “I should probably head to my apartment,” You said after a moment. The evening had already begun to draw in and as much as you didn’t want to go back to your own apartment, you were worried about overstaying your welcome.

“Why?” He asked. His words were quiet and as he opened his eyes to look down at you. You tilted your head to the side.

“This is your place,” You responded. He let out a sleepy scoff before he shook his head, tugging you closer to him even though that wasn’t physically possible.

“Our place now, stay another night,” He mumbled. The words were a little clearer than his previous had been and they caught you completely off guard. It slightly terrified you that he had accepted you as part of his life so quickly but you tried not to think about it.

“Are you sure?” You asked softly. He nodded, looking at you properly. He then gently tugged you up his chest, pressing a peck to your lips.

“Stay the night,” He insisted. You didn’t bother to argue with that so simply nodded your head. You definitely weren’t going to deny him.

“Okay,” You muttered. Your eyes fell closed against and you settled back against his chest. It was soothing.

Sunday passed much like Saturday had. The two of you woke up, kissed while Luke was cooking breakfast, took Roxy on a walk, played with her before eventually settling down to watch movies or read a book or play video games. It was a soothing routine and it meant that the two of you felt refreshed for the next week of work.

But spending so much time with him, admiring her, showering together, walking around in his shirt, it meant that the more salacious thoughts began to creep back in. You couldn’t deny that you had been thinking about him like that for weeks but you tried not to push it now that you were getting closer. You didn’t want to push Luke into anything that he didn’t want and you also didn’t want to scare him away.

However, as the two of you ate dinner, the conversation became increasingly more suggestive. You weren’t sure entirely what had happened but you had tried your best to ignore the wetness that began to pool between your legs as you spoke.

And you had done a pretty good job at ignoring it as you cleaned up and put your plates in the dishwasher but as you sat on the sofa with him, it quickly became harder to ignore. His arm was wrapped around you, fingers slipping under your shirt to caress the skin of your hip. Everything he did was maddening.

The longer the two of you sat there, the more you squirmed. Your thighs pressed together in hopes of relief that never came. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the feeling growing between your legs. It was overpowering and you decided that you need to take a break to hopefully calm yourself down.

So, you mumbled to Luke that you were going to the bathroom and you walked over to it. Once the door was pulled closed, you turned to stare at yourself in the mirror, willing yourself to hold it together but it was hard. It was hard when he was right there and you could still remember the sound of his moan when you tugged on his hair yesterday.

You desperately wanted to hear it again. You needed to. That desperate little whimper had been playing on your mind and you needed to get your mouth on him, make him feel good. Every part of you was on fire for him and you didn’t have a clue what to do about it.

But in your best attempt to calm yourself down, you splashed water onto your face and took a deep breath. You used the towel to wipe the water away before you looked at yourself in the mirror again. You could do this. If you just made it through this night, you could go home after work tomorrow and satisfy that aching feeling between your legs. It would be fine.

With one more deep breath, you exited the bathroom but something had changed. As you walked into the living room, you noticed that Roxy had vanished. Luke was still lounging back but his legs had spread a little wider. You could so easily slot yourself between them and do what you had been desperate to do for weeks but you stopped yourself.

No. He was just relaxing. You couldn’t take it like that.

You walked back over to the couch and dropped down beside him, letting your head rest against his shoulder.

“Everything alright?” He asked. You nodded your head and then you felt his hand slide onto your inner thigh, squeezing it softly, “Good,” He muttered. It was hard to ignore that warm presence and it was making you ache even more. He had to know what he was doing but his eyes were fixed on the TV. He was driving you mad and he must have known it.

Rather than focusing on the feeling of his hand on your leg, you tried to focus on the show that Luke had put on. But then his hand shifted and you really couldn’t ignore it this time. He was inches away from your clothed cunt and it was driving you mad. He was driving you insane. If he just shifted his hand a little further, he would feel the wet spot that he had caused you.

But you didn’t want him to touch you just yet. You wanted him moaning for you.

“Luke,” You mumbled softly. He let out a hum of acknowledgement but was acting like his hand wasn’t almost exactly where you needed him, “Did you send Roxy upstairs?” You asked after a beat.

“Yeah,” He responded. The roughness to his voice had you internally begging for him. Your eyebrows furrowed and you stared down at where his hand rested and it slowly started to click. This was all on purpose. Of course, it was. He was Luke.

He must have noticed how you were squirming. Was that his goal all along? There’s no way he could have known but you weren’t gonna let him take control of the situation that easily. You had been wanting to get his cock in your mouth for weeks and you knew that if you didn’t make the first move, you weren’t gonna get that wish.

So, you placed your hand over his and gently lifted it away. His eyebrows furrowed and he turned his head to look down at you but when he saw the devious look in your eyes, he knew that he was in for it. You placed his hand against his own thigh before slipping off the couch and onto the floor. You slotted between his legs, looking up at him/

“What are you doing, carina?” He asked. You moved your hands to rest against his thighs, fiddling with the fabric of his jeans.

“I’m finally giving you what I told you you’d get,” You smirked before you let your hands trail up to the zip of his jeans, “If that’s what you want?” You asked, looking up at him through your lashes. He nodded. You grinned and then focused on his jeans, unbuttoning them before pulling the zipper down. You then gently tugged on them and he helped you push them down his legs.

His thighs were built. Thick muscles running beneath the skin and you let your fingers trail across them. Luke let out a breathy noise as you admired him, fingers running up to his crotch. You palmed at his erection and he let out a choked whimper.

“You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?” You asked. He let out another groan as you palmed him through his boxers again. If you kept it up, he wasn’t sure you were going to get to do what you clearly so desperately wanted, “Lift up,” You said as you tugged on his boxers. He lifted his hips up and you pulled the boxers off, taking him in.

He was already half-hard, cock rested against his stomach. He was bigger than you had expected and as you moved your hand to gently take a hold of him, you noticed that the tip was already red and weeping for you. A smirk spread across your face and you spat into the palm of your hand before you wrapped your hand around him and moved it up and down.

He was quickly fully hard against you and you moved your cheek to rest against his thigh. He was so sensitive and as you moved your hand up and down slowly, he was already groaning. His eyes were locked onto the way your hand moved up and down, your thumb running over his tip before you returned back to your slow, lazy movements.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this?” You asked as you leant forward to gently lick the tip of him. He groaned at the sensation, eyes briefly squeezing shut before he looked down at you. You lifted your gaze to meet his, “I’ve been dreaming about this for weeks,” You admitted before you refocused back on his cock.

Starting from the bottom, you slowly licked up the side before you licked up the beads of pre-cum that were dripping from him. His eyes had fallen closed again as you got your first real taste of him. His cum was salty and tangy but it didn’t bother you as much as it used to. You dipped your head back down again and let the tip of him slip between your plush lips.

The loud groan that escaped his lips had you getting wetter by the second. The noises he was making were driving you crazy and you had only just begun. You wanted to hear every little noise he made, you wanted him to be at your mercy.

You pulled back again after a moment, teasing him a little with kitten licks before you pressed a few kisses to the tip of his dick. He was groaning, head thrown back as his fingers dug into the couch cushions, desperate to keep himself under control. Part of him wanted to grab your hair and fuck your face but he wanted you to control this. At least, for now.

“You’re so pretty,” You commented as you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock. You lifted your head up from his thigh and used your grip on him to direct him to your mouth. Then you used your tongue to lick the underside of him, feeling every vein as he practically whimpered at the movement. You smirked, watching his face as you repeated the motion. You were teasing him at this point. It was cruel but you wanted to savor him, “Baby,” You whispered softly and his eyes reopened. His cock was rested against your chin as you moved your hand to grab his. You then gently moved it into your hair, “I don’t mind if it hurts,” You reassured him before you took him into your mouth again. It wasn’t just the tip this time. Instead, you worked on getting every inch of him into you, taking him to the hilt before you hollowed out your cheeks, lifting your head up.

The movement broke him. He let out a loud moan as he threw his head back against the couch, his fingers tightening in your hair. You continued to bob your head up and down, taking a slow and gentle rhythm but making sure to take every inch of him every single time. You wanted to savor this. Savor the feeling of him in your mouth and what it felt like to have him completely under your control because you doubted this was gonna happen very often.

Your hands rested against his thighs as you continued your movements, lifting up every few seconds to pay special attention to his tip. Your tongue flicked across it, flattening out before you took all of him in again.

He moaned your name as he gripped your hair, tugging at the roots which made you groan against him. His self-restraint was hanging by a thread and when he felt your groan vibrate along his cock, it snapped. He quickly found himself bucking up into your mouth. The first time he did it, you nearly choked on him, eyes filling with tears but you started to move with him. His hand in your hair guiding you.

He was losing it, the pleasure taking over and you loved it. Curses, whimpers of your name and pleas fell from his lips as he continued to thrust up into you, taking complete control of it. He was using you however he wanted and you felt the slick soaking your panties. His thrusts became harsher, cock hitting the back of your throat as you forced yourself to breathe through your nose. His fingers were gripping your hair and you were getting wetter by the second.

Well, that was until you heard a phone ringing. Luke groaned.

“Fuck,” He whimpered as your hand quickly rested over his. He loosened his grip, deriving himself of the release he so desperately craved so you could lift off to work out whose phone was ringing. You looked a mess, your hair was mussed, spit at the corners of your mouth, eyes teary. You looked destroyed and Luke found himself somehow more attracted to you.

But he was distracted from your beautifully messy appearance when you grabbed his ringing phone from the coffee table. When you turned it over, you saw that Garcia was calling.

“Garcia,” You explained as you handed the phone over. Both of you knew that this meant a case otherwise you would have ignored it. Luke’s eyes were blown-wide with lust. He looked so pretty for you and so wrecked after he had used you. You wanted to take him again but you refrained as he averted his gaze. Then he answered the call.

“Hey, Garcia. What’s up?” He asked. You heard her beginning to talk on the other end and you rested your head back against his thigh. You bit your lip, taking in the sight of his swollen tip. He looked so delectable and you knew that he had been deprived of his release. Maybe, you could still help him get that.

A devious smirk spread across your face as you shifted your hand to move up to his dick. You swept your thumb over the slit and Luke had to bit his tongue to stop a groan from escaping. He glanced down at you but you didn’t pay him much attention.

“Does Emily want all of us in?” He asked as you slowly began to take him into your mouth. His words faltered when he felt the heat of your mouth around him but he was managing to keep up appearances, somewhat. Penelope was talking again and you pushed your head down, taking him all the way to the hilt again. His head fell back against the sofa and he let out a soft groan. You heard Garcia on the other end say that she understood it was annoying but duty calls. Little did she know that he was groaning for a very different reason.

You began to bob your head again and Luke’s face contorted into one of pleasure. The soft, slow movements were completely different to the rough control he had on you a moment ago. His eyes scrunched shut as his hand fisted in your hair again. He easily could have pulled you to stop but it seemed that this turned him on as much as it did you.

“Don’t bother calling her. She’s,” Luke faltered, biting his lips to prevent a groan escaping before he continued, “She’s in the kitchen. I’ll tell her- tell her.” He was becoming breathless as he tried to keep his composure the best he could over the phone but you were making it incredibly difficult. The warmth of your tongue against him, the slow movements that dragged out every tendril of pleasure. It was like torture.

You kept bobbing your head up and down, tongue licking at the prominent veins and every few bobs, you sucked and kissed at the tip of his dick. He could feel his edge getting closer as he began to buck up into you again.

“It’s not- not like that,” He stammered out but you had tuned Garcia out now. Instead, focused on moving with Luke’s shallow thrusts and getting him closer and closer to the edge that you knew he was teetering towards, “I’ll talk to you soon, alright.” He said abruptly. You smirked up at him, briefly meeting his gaze before speeding up again.

The moan he let out only a second after he hung up the call was obscene. His head threw back and he gripped on your hair, helping move you up and down.

“That’s it, baby,” He praised as he squeezed his eyes shut, “Fuck, I can’t believe- Fuck- can’t believe you did that.” He moaned out curses as you continued to move up and down. You could tell he was close. His thighs were quivering, his grip was tightening and you wanted to take him over the edge. So, you kept moving, running your tongue on the underside of his cock before he suddenly shoved your head down all the way to the hilt.

Your eyes watered, nearly choking on him as he held you in place. He then thrusted up into your mouth, two, three shallow thrusts before he was spilling into you. You forced yourself to breathe through your nose, swallowing down everything he was giving you as he worked himself through the orgasm.

But once he was done, he let go of your hair and you slowly pulled off him. You gave his tip a gentle kiss which caused him to shiver, completely overstimulated by you. You watched as his cock softened before you fell back on your knees.

Luke’s eyes were still closed, his entire body relaxed as his hands rested at his sides. He looked completely fucking destroyed and you could get used to the sight of him like this. A smirk spread across your face as you watched him breathe.

Then, his eyes blinked open and he looked down at you. You were grinning, clearly very pleased with yourself which just made Luke roll his eyes before he sunk further into the couch.

In his blissed out state, he didn’t even notice as you crawled into his lap and curled up against him. Your head rested against his chest, listening to the thrumming of his heart before he wrapped his arms around you. His skin was sweaty and warm but you loved knowing that you were responsible for it. He had cum down your throat. You felt victorious.

“We’ve got a case,” He muttered.

“I know,” You said before you leant forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He was still panting, trying to get his breathe back as you settled back into him,

“ Next time, this is gonna be about you,” He said lowly. His tone made you shiver and the wetness in your panties just seemed to get worse. He rested his forehead against your shoulder, letting his fingers slip down your front and underneath your sweatpants. He slipped his fingers into your underwear and before he even reached your slit, he could tell that you were wet.

“We need to go,” You reminded him softly before he could get distracted. He nodded and slowly removed his hand from your slit.

“I’ll deal with it later.”

next chapter

#luke alvez x reader #luke alvez x you #luke alvez #criminal minds #luke alvez fluff #luke alvez fic #luke alvez smut #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #reader-insert #built to fall

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