#my gpa is dying

[4byun]

I’m so exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. I was sick for a whole week with a flu and had to miss a week of uni. I have a midterm project due in less than 2 days and I haven’t been able to finish it because I can’t sleep and my body is still recovering. And my professor isn’t responding to me. I might just lose it.

[nkogneatho]

good morning everyone. it's time to cosplay as an adult who has their shit together

[zebruh]

my dads dead huh

[lostdreamr-blog1]

Pinky Promise 3

Part 1

Part 2

Word count: 2K

Pairings: Jake Seresin X Reader

A/N: Round 3 of Pink Promise! I have a few more I want to put out, but if you have something you want to see in them let me know! It's been a lot of fun writing these. Thanks for reading!!

The two of you were sitting around Jake’s house eating takeout Chinese food. Some old movie was playing on the TV. For some reason Jake preferred the classics but you found them to be incredibly boring. It was often you found yourself in this same position, sprawled out on his couch, sitting in a comfortable silence as you watched another movie you couldn’t retell the plot of.

Which is why in that moment you chose to say, “I got into medical school.”

It was nearly comical watching him choke on the spoonful of rice. He sat up and looked over to you, still coughing up those last pieces. “I’m sorry. What did you just say?” The look he gave you was disbelief mixed with something else. Something you hadn’t seen before.

“I don’t think I stuttered.” You took a bite of an egg roll and waited for his mind to catch up.

“Medical school? For doctors?” You couldn’t help but smirk at his choice of questions. “Yes, like for doctors. I thought pilots were supposed to be smart?”

He shook his head and laughed, “When the hell did you have time for that?”

You finished off the egg roll and shrugged your shoulders, “What do you think I do all day while you’re at work?”

This path you took was one you had been on for a while Everyone saw you as the girl who parties, the one who doesn’t care about the outcome of her decisions. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. And instead of showing people how wrong they were about you, you let them form their very low opinions. Pleasing people was never one of your strong points and a few judgmental comments weren’t going to tear you down.

Jake was clearly still processing things but paused the movie to give you his full attention. What he said next though, nearly made you cry right then and there.

“I am so proud of you, sweetheart. Holy crap you are going to be a doctor.” He got up and pulled you into a tight hug. It was then the look on his face made more sense. It was a look of pride, and one you hadn’t gotten before.

“Tell me all about it. Where are you going? When do you start?” His enthusiasm for this made you feel something that part of you was afraid to feel. This man was slowly becoming your best friend, which is why you pushed down all other feelings. No need to ruin a good thing.

“Well, I decided I wanted to stay close to home and was lucky enough to get into the University of California San Diego. My GPA was a little short of what they wanted, but I killed the interview. Something about your dad dying while fighting for his country tends to pull on heartstrings.”

Jake shook his head, “You did not pull that card.”

You waved a hand at him, “Please. I would be dumb not to. I also threw in about staying close to the base in case anything happened to Bradley. And that I might follow in the family footsteps one day.”

Jake’s head tilted at the last part. “You are not enlisting. I draw the line at that.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Down tiger. All I meant was that I would want to work at a hospital close to base. The one all of you get sent to when something goes wrong.”

Relief was evident as he exhaled. “I don’t think the military could handle you anyway.”

It was true. You were never one to follow orders well. Plus having a third Bradshaw in the Navy would be too much for anyone.

You picked the remote back up and resumed the movie. While Jake thought this was a big deal, you were ready to get back to the movie night. You still had a few months until school started anyway.

The movie had been playing for a few minutes, but you could feel eyes on you every now and then. “Is something the matter?”

You glanced over to the man next to you and watched him shake his head. “Nothing. You just keep surprising me, that’s all.”

“Well, either turn your attention back to this movie or I’m putting something better on. Maybe something made in this decade.” A chuckle graced your ears and a quick, “Yes ma’am.”

It wasn’t until the credits were running that he said, “You better not forget about me when you become a big shot doctor.”

“I don’t think I could forget about you even if I tried.” And it was the truth. That one drunken call has led you to one of the best things in life.

“Pinky promise you won’t.” He had his signature smirk on full display as he held out his pinky for you to shake on. You happily gave him yours, thrilled that the Top Gun pilot has accepted this form of promises.

When he pulled away, he asked, “What made you want to become a doctor?” It was a simple question with a very loaded answer.

“When my mom was sick, it was just me and her most of the time. Bradley was off at the academy, something she wouldn’t tell him but absolutely hated. And I found myself wanting to give her some sort of joy to offset my brother’s choices. I made her a promise that I was going to graduate and get a degree in something. Something that would make a difference. It took a while to figure out what that was, but the look of pride on her face when I said medical school, I only wish I had a photo of that single moment.

“When there were days I questioned if I could do it or if I even still wanted to, I think back to that conversation and all doubts went out the window. There are very few things in life I want more than graduating from med school which is why I worked so hard to even get it.” Jake wiped a tear that I didn’t know had fallen.

“She would’ve been happy that you accomplished a goal while still holding onto yourself. That you had fun while doing it. Not too many people can find that balance which tells me you are going to do amazing. But if you ever need some sort of motivation or a simple distraction from school, you can call me anytime sweetheart.”

And just like that, you knew Jake Seresin was going to be in your life for as long as you could keep him.

After the incident a little while back, your brother made an effort to be more present in your everyday life. Which meant he was currently over at your apartment criticizing how you were making dinner.

“At any point you can either cook yourself or shut up.” Bradley held up his hands in surrender.

“All I’m saying is that you are going to burn the bottom of it if you don’t stir it more often.” You turned around from the food and pointed the utensil in your hand at him. Which just so happened to be a knife.

“Listen here bird boy. My house, my rules which means you can sit your judgmental ass down before I do something you can’t bounce back from. Last I checked you needed all ten fingers to fly.”

Again, he held up his hands and thankfully kept his mouth shut while you finished up. It wasn’t too much longer before you were dishing out food for the two of you and sitting down to eat it like a normal family. The two of you sat in silence while you ate, neither of you knowing what to say.

It was like this most nights. After your mom died Bradley threw himself into his work, leaving you to fend for yourself. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but the two of you grew apart as the years went on, leaving you to call your brother only when you needed help. This is what formed his new picture of you. He only saw you when you were at your worst.

But he was trying and the least you could do was meet him halfway.

“You know how you see me as careless and not at all organized with life?” You watched as your brother sighed and shook his head.

“We have gone over this. That is not how I see you. We just have different goals in life and that’s fine.” You waved him off.

“Right. Well, I am pleased to tell you that I’m not as big as a fuck up as you might think. I start med school in a few months.” Bradley dropped his spoon, sending food splattering on the counter.

You watched his facial expressions, looking or hoping for the one you got the other day from Jake. It wasn’t that you needed the validation from your brother, but it would be nice to see it for once.

“Med school? The school where you go to become a doctor?” You snorted at the similar question Jake had asked.

“What is with pilots and their lack of common sense. Yes, Bradley. The school for doctors.” You grabbed a napkin to wipe up the drops of food while he tried to form words.

“How?” You froze at that single word. It shouldn’t surprise you, the lack of faith this man had in you. But it still stung.

“The same way anyone gets in. Ace a test, get decent grades, and interview well. Not too hard when you think about it.” Which wasn’t exactly true. You had a lot of all-nighters, tears shed at the near impossible dream, and many bumps along the way. But you had to do it.

“Mom and dad would be proud of you.” Your eyes met his and you saw something different in them. It wasn’t the pride you were looking for but sadder. Like the weight of those words cut through him.

“I know. I was always trying to follow in your footsteps, even if I did take a longer path. But you know dad would’ve been ecstatic to see you wear the patch he tried so hard for. And mom, well mom would’ve eventually gotten over her fears of you being a pilot and saw how you were born for this. You know that, right?”

He cleared his throat and focused back on his food. “Anyone else know? It’s a pretty big deal.”

You picked up on the change of topic and said, “Your arch nemesis knows. Besides that, the friend list is pretty scarce these days.”

He slowly nodded his head, “You seem to spend a lot of time with him.”

“He’s a good friend. No need to look too far into it. I know the two of you have your issues, but he’s never given me a reason to question his intentions.”

Bradley hummed in response, but he didn’t fully believe you when it comes to only being friends. He’s seen the way Jake is at work, but with you he was completely different. You might not see it or are trying to ignore it, but he knew better.

“Are you and him still at each other’s throats?” Bradley rolled his eyes, “It’s not my fault he thinks he’s better than everyone else. He’s insufferable.”

You grabbed the finished plates and took them to the sink. “You know what would get under his skin? If you laughed at everything he said. I think that would rile him up good.”

Bradley squinted his eyes at you, “I thought the two of you were friends? Why would you tell me that?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “He is always listening to me complain about you. This way he can do it for once so it’s more even.”

Bradley threw his napkin at you and shook his head, “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

You threw him one of Jake’s signature smirks, “But I’m your jerk.”

Tag List: @rosiahills22 @sunlitsunflowers @dempy @mamaskillerqueen @luckyladycreator2 @atarmychick007 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @topguncultleader @alilstressyandlotdepressy @avengers-fixation @chaoticcassidy @alldaysdreamers

[fortunelowtier]

Ok so for those who didn't see the news, recently 5 rich people went “””missing””” (they're totally fucking dead) in a “Titanic tourist submarine”, basically made as a way rich people can tour (what's left of) the Titanic's wreckage for a small fee of $250,000 per person.

Anyways, setting aside the horrific implications of dying in a submarine at  13,000 feet (~4km) below sea level, the more I learn about this entire situation the more I become morbidly...amused??

so for starters, the submarine was literally the submarine from Iron Lung. its a metal cylinder with one singular porthole at the front of the vessel that is bolted shut from the outside, and has no seats, its literally just a cylinder

the second thing you need to know is that this thing was wireless, as in it was being controlled from the surface and the people inside had no control, which is concerning in multiple ways because a ship this scuffed should have a safety cable leading to the “mothership” (basically if you've ever watched ocean documentaries and they always have that long cable attached to the sub, that's for in case the wireless control fucks up and they need it to be wired)

what makes this little fact so much more morbidly funny is that this thing was controlled using the remains of a Logitech Gamepad controller from ~2004/2005, a controller notorious for being one of the most clunky pieces of gaming equipment ever designed. so clunky in fact that few people even recognized it, originally mistaking it to be a combination of an Xbox 360 and a PS1 controller. estimated price of $30.

“but Fortune” I hear a very few of you asking, “it shouldn't matter what its controlled with, as long as the connection is good”

and to that my dear reader you would be correct! there are indeed submarines out there controlled with even simple joysticks, and using game controllers to control stuff like this isn't new (why do you think army recruiters prey on low GPA high school gamers to fly drones)

no you see the issue comes when you realize that what this sub was using to transmit controls. was fucking. STARLINK.

Yes, that's correct, Starlink, the service that can barely do its job on land was being used to transmit data through 2.5 miles (4km) of water, at a depth where anything that isn't highly pressurized is crushed instantly 

-----

And at the end of this, if some of you still feel bad for the rich people who spent a quarter of a million dollars to get bolted into a metal cylinder with no seats and a singular porthole that was being controlled by Elon Musk's barely functioning wireless service and one of the most notoriously clunky gaming controllers of all time that was probably bought from a thrift store, just know that it was most likely over quick. 

The likely thing that ended up happening was cabin depressurization, and at such a depth this means they were knocked unconscious by the rapid loss of pressure in the vessel almost instantly, and then shortly thereafter crushed by the weight of the ocean around them. 

Scientifically speaking, they were likely dead so fast that the brain likely couldn't even comprehend what was happening, the most they would've felt is a little pop in their ears for a fraction of a second.

[augiewrites]

"secret admirer" - dead poets society (part 5)

summary: y/n receives a curious invitation from meeks and has a surprise encounter with neil and todd

pairing: anonymous!dead poet x gender neutral reader

word count: 1.2k

previous | next

It was finally Friday, and Y/N was looking forward to spending the weekend recovering from a week of non-stop exams, cramming, and a nonexistent sleep schedule. The morning’s classes had been a drag so far, and they were looking forward to the reprieve of Keating’s class. Knowing they'd be in close proximity to their admirer aside, Keating’s class gave them an opportunity to activate another part of their brain—one concerned less with grades and formulas.

No, this part was more concerned with matters of feeling. Matters of love, art, expression—everything crucial to finding true meaning in life.

Meaning.

Something that Y/N’s life—and the students of Welton’s lives—was severely lacking.

Y/N shoved the existential crisis to the back of their mind, shooting Todd a smile as he occupied the desk at the front of the class.

Their desk compartment was empty aside from their textbook and notes. Y/N felt their heart drop. It had been empty for days.

Did I make a mistake leaving that poem?

Y/N did their best to not look disappointed. The only thing more embarrassing than their poet’s lack of response was the thought of him observing their discontent.

Keating’s class didn't give them much reprieve that day.

_________________________________________ 

Against their better judgment, Y/N found themselves in the library during common hour. In all truth, Y/N just wanted to go back to their dorm and bang their head against the wall until they fell asleep. Alas, the expectation of a 4.0 GPA was looming over their head.

Thankfully, Meeks was the only other person to show up. Y/N didn't think they had the strength to deal with Dalton.

“So are you just going to keep side eyeing me, or do you have something to say?” Y/N set down their pencil and turned to face Meeks.

“Y/N, you've sighed three times within the last minute,” Meeks quipped, "seems like you're the one with something to say."

“But I'm right, though. You have something you want to say."

“I'll share with the class if you will.”

The two stared at each other for a moment—Meeks' expression much lighter compared to Y/N’s frustrated features.

Y/N gave in first.

“I’m tired, Meeks."

“Of?..."

“Everything.”

“You’re going to have to give me a little more here, Y/N.”

“…”

"I'm waiting."

“My GPA dropped to a 3.7," Y/N’s gaze was fixed to the table, “my parents are not happy. I feel like all I ever do is try, but it's not enough, and it never will be. My social life is practically nonexistent, I don't remember the last time I had fun, and I can feel my spirit dying. Some days it feels like I'm dying."

“You’re more than your grades, Y/N. You have to know that."

“I know that, Meeks. They don't,” Y/N let out a bitter laugh, “they ship me off to this prison, don't let me come home for breaks, and they call me maybe twice a semester if I'm lucky. They see my grades more than they ever see me."

Meeks was silent for a beat as Y/N cradled their head in their hands.

“Tomorrow night. Meet me outside the East wing at 10PM.”

“Meeks, what are you—“

“Just trust me. If you care about your spirit, anyway."

“Fine,” Y/N began packing their bag and stood up, nodding absentmindedly, "yeah, okay."

Because everything was cosmically determined to go wrong, Y/N crashed into Charlie as they rounded the corner out of the library. Their armload of textbooks crashed to the floor.

“Don’t you know to look both ways before crossing the street?" Charlie joked as he knelt to pick up Y/N’s books.

Y/N kept their head down as they gathered the mess of note paper that exploded out of their trig book.

“I mean, really, Y/N. If you want to feel me up you don't need to be so aggressive about it—“

Charlie’s sly smile melted into concern when he noticed the tears in Y/N’s eyes.

"Hey, are you okay, Y/N?” Charlie passed the books to Y/N and placed a gentle hand on their upper am.

Y/N gave the boy a tight lipped smile and stepped away from his touch.

“I'm fine, Dalton," Y/N was already moving down the hall.

“Y/N—“

“If you're looking for Meeks, he's still in there."

Y/N disappeared around the corner, leaving Charlie staring at the space they just occupied.

_________________________________________

Y/N wasn’t one for skipping class, but it was the last period of the day and Y/N thought their head would explode if they didn’t get away from everyone as soon as possible.

They triple checked that the hallway was empty before rushing into the storage room filled with students’ empty luggage.

But the room wasn’t unoccupied like they expected.

Neil Perry and Todd Anderson were in the middle of the room, locked in a gentle embrace.

They jumped apart when they heard Y/N’s soft sound of surprise, and the trio looked at each other in shock for a beat.

“We were just—” Neil took a step away from Todd before the other boy cut him off, surprising everyone, seemingly including himself.

“We’re together.”

They all stared at each other for another moment before Neil stepped forward again.

“You can’t tell anyone, Y/N.”

“I won’t,” Y/N blinked, suddenly coming alive again, “I would never.”

Relief washed over the two boys. Todd was more red than Y/N thought was humanly possible.

“Okay, I’m just gonna,” Y/N took a step back and jerked a thumb over their shoulder at the door, “go…”

They turned quickly to leave.

“Y/N.” Neil’s hand enclosed their wrist as they reached for the doorknob.

They looked up into Neil’s soft gaze, a faint smile on his face, “thank you.”

“Of course,” they returned the smile and waved to Todd as they slipped out the door, rushing to their dorm to avoid being caught for truancy.

_________________________________________

Y/N had been laying in bed for all of fifteen minutes before they heard the familiar sound of paper sliding under the door.

They were out of bed and rushing to open the door before they could think twice. Truancy be damned.

The empty hallway mocked Y/N.

Frustrated tears welled in their eyes as they slammed the door and grabbed the envelope off the floor before ripping it open.

Beloved Y/N,

In your eyes, a storm silently brews, Emotional tempest, tears it strews. I stand close, a silent observer, Love entangled in your pain, a fervent preserver.

Your hurt, a whisper in the quiet air, A shared burden, a weight to bear. In the shadows, love stands strong, A balm for wounds, a solace lifelong.

In the heart's tempest, emotions entwine, Love persists, a steadfast lifeline. I may not heal all that pains your soul, But together, in love, we find a way to be whole.

x, Yours.

Y/N let the tears flow freely as they sunk down onto the bed.

They were certain of who wasn’t their poet, but they were in denial about who it could be.

~~~

part six

a/n: any reality where neil and todd aren't in love is a crime against nature

taglist: @vvnbxz @edb954

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

---

But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[fitgirlfemdom]

The story you made about the pathetic NEET gooner who let himself go is literally me.

It did start small. I was coming off of a high in regards to everything, super promising schooling and I made it into a fairly prestigious lab in college where I still work. But from freshman to senior year, while my schoolwork has been fine, I’ve pretty much watched myself fall from extremely sociable, charming all the way to monstrous fatty sneaking out of my dorm room (which is more of a league of legends/weed/feedist porn dungeon) to pick up my 3rd ubereats of the night while girls look at me judgingly.

And literally the best part is that I glance back up at them, wearing my oversized sweater that’s getting tighter and tighter, and I can’t help but feel so good. It’s amazing when I get into the elevator with rowdy college girls and all they have to make conversation with me is the fact that I’m holding a bag that obviously contains a shit ton of fast food.

I have, seldomly, gotten into the elevator at my dorm with fat girls who appear to be in my boat with regards to overeating ubereats. When that happens, it’s like two people who desperately want out but understand that each other poses no harm in judgment.

In this way, I’ve gained around 90 pounds in 3 years (most of it was in 1 year, so I could easily push it to 150 pounds overall), making me 5’6, 220 pounds.

I have also dabbled in the whole cock rating fetish. I once requested a rating from a super muscular Onlyfans acc where I gave a before pic (for physique) and an after pic.. The next few nights, I downed so much heavy cream and melted ice cream that I had to call off work.

I love the Berserk theme btw. Farnese is by far my fav character.

Oh yeah I love Farnese too! Such a great personality :D

I also wouldn't consider you a NEET, judging by how you're literally in college and that cancels out the first two letters. I see a lot of people, especially on tiktok and twitter, conflating "NEET" with "terminally online nerd." For fetish purposes, though, they look the same, and smell the same, so I guess I can let it slide.

a little bit of rambling:

I think the reason I'm so attracted to fat degenerate nerd losers is not just because they're a lot easier to please, but they also know exactly what they want and where they stand. It's the same with girls--I'm much more interested in chubby, awkward, dyed-hair nerd girls than the girls that called me a bulldyke in high school.

"High-value" men and women in my age group (or whatever they like calling themselves) have no interests beyond vague terms like "traveling" or "doggos" or whatever else I've seen on Hinge. The women are also extremely hesitant about actually getting with women (bicurious) while the men just expect you to worship the ground they walk on, for no reason. I dated a 4.0 gpa gymbro and it was exhausting how insecure, manipulative, and immature he was. no self-awareness at all, just pure narcissism. It's incredibly self-deprecating to worship someone that doesn't impress you.

I've also dated a chubby nerd, and while he wasn't a very good boyfriend, he knew what he liked, and he worshipped me in the bedroom. Our sex life was the reason I stayed.

This is all to say, yeah, those girls are going to be judging you and thinking they'd rather swallow glass than kiss you. they won't be happy, though, with their physically active partners. bodies truly do not represent how good someone can fuck, or love, really. i know this is all a fetish, and it IS hot to have a food-waste-filled goon cave, but outside of all this, you will be loved, and you seem really cool. even tho casca is better.

[poems-of-the-anentomologist]

In Case I Die:

You may know me as valedictorian,

Keeping the test averages high

You may know me as an artist,

Simply pleasing to the eye

Or you may know me as so many other things,

You don’t have to pry

But today I become another statistic

You may know me as

Ranked #1 in GPA for the district

Ranked #2 in the national art competition

Ranked #3 in test scores for the state

Ranked #4 in the national essay competition

But today you’ll know my country as

Ranked #5 in teen suicides

I talk so much about myself

But everyone sees me just as numbers

My GPA ticking up from 4.6 to 4.7

My number of completed works ticking up from 94 to 95

My age ticking up from 14 to 15

My heart rate ticking up from 104 to 127

The number of teens dying from suicide every day ticking up from 12 to 13

So I write this as a farewell

To everyone who cared to listen to me speak

Although there are few

To my parents telling me to just take my meds

Of which there are two

To my friends who say they love me

That I so often lose

And to you,

Dear reader,

For listening to my rue

And now,

Dear reader,

I bid you adieu

woah that ehvay

good, but ehvay

[strong-with-the-sarcasm]

Part 14- taking these wounds to their grave

"I'm battered and broken, my spirit's been stolen, but I'm taking these wounds to their grave. Surrounded by allies with fire in their eyes, for the past I don't need to deny." -Relentless by The Nearly Deads

Masterlist Part 13

In all honesty, learning his girlfriend was a Queen Regent for a different realm wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen to him. Sure, being told that ‘hey, by the way, we forced this substance that tastes like pop-rocks and sprite down your throat to save you from dying again’ was on that list too, but Jason had fucking died. His death was brutal, no doubt, but the weirdest part was the fact that he had been a Revenant the moment he awoke in his coffin. 

A vengeful spirit unable to move on. 

Forced to wander the earth until their reason for clinging to the mortal realm is satisfied. 

It hurt his heart in a phantom reminder of what he had suffered the same day Joker had been brutally murdered, the pain off what had been his second death due to his ‘reason’ being satisfied. 

(It hurt more to realize that he had never needed Bruce to kill Joker.)

(It had all been for nothing.) 

Jazz was quiet where she was tucked up against him in the large medical bed the Yeti had treated him in, not yet asleep by her breathing but calmly existing with him in this space. 

It was everything he needed. 

Jazz was truly the other half of his soul, the one he was meant to find. 

(She avenged him.) 

(She saved him.) 

He would marry Jasmine Nightingale aka the Regent of the Realms aka Lady of the Acropolis, he would be her staunchest supporter as the world keeps turning around them. What else is he meant to do in the face of her overwhelming love for him? 

(She avenged him.) 

(She saved him.) 

They still had more to discuss and Jason would continue to swallow down the question that began with ‘Will you’ and ended with ‘Marry me’ amidst the others he needed answers for. They’d only been dating a month, so it would be a while before Jason was comfortable even allowing thoughts of matrimony to blossom from seed to full bloom. 

(He wanted everything with her.) 

(His Lady.) 

(The Lady to his Knight.) 

(Jason Nightingale had a nice ring to it.)

Jason kissed the top of Jazz’s head and pulled her further onto his chest before he fell back asleep, content with having his lady in his arms again. 

Bruce wanted to laugh and cry in equal measure as he studied the pictures of his wayward son with his girlfriend, laughing, smiling, in love. Oh, Bruce could tell how smitten Jason was by how he looked so fondly at Jasmine Nightingale, the civilian his son had chosen to build a relationship with. On paper, they shared a common love of reading (Jason was classical literature, Jasmine was psychological thrillers), and an excellence at school (Jasmine had a 4.0 gpa), but there was little else to draw them together. 

Yet, despite this, the two were happy together. They were in love. His son was in love. 

And he was missing. 

(Bruce swallowed down the grief at Jason being dead…again.)

(He’d been missing before, he’ll turn up.)

It was worrying that the sub-dermal tracker stopped working while Jason was at Jasmine’s apartment, but there had been no immediate sign that they’d been caught in the explosion or remained trapped in the debris. 

Phantom had vanished almost as soon as he entered, no doubt on the trail of what had disturbed the spirit’s haunt so violently. It was concerning how competent the child ghost was at fighting, how angry Phantom became when there was a threat he had to face. Insult, demean, threaten him and the boy laughed it off with a casual grace that spoke of experience, but turn that attention to the people he claimed as his? No chance in the infinite realms that he wouldn’t find you. Constantine had been adamant to leave the spirit alone, to let him exist in his way, but the Magician often went out of his way to let others deal with his messes, so Bruce often took his advice with far more than a grain of salt. 

\B, Phantom’s back. He says Hood is fine./

Relief coursed through the big bat, untightening the knot in his chest. Jason was fine. He is fine. 

His eyes drifted back to the pictures splashed across the bat computer, the adoration in Jason’s gaze as he focused on his girlfriend was the common theme between all the candid shots Barbara had shared. Jasmine always leaned into his frame or held his hand, just sharing his space, body language comfortable and open. 

(He could have a daughter-in-law very soon.)

(Maybe even a grandchild.)

Bruce let a smile slowly stretch across his face at the idea of being a grandfather, of finally retiring from the cowl and WE to be doting on a granddaughter or grandson, spending time with his family while he was still able to in this life.

(A part of him squealed and clapped at the very thought of more family gracing these once-empty halls.)

But first, he had to talk to his son and meet his future daughter-in-law.

Bruce was about to activate his comms, to have Tim get more information about Jason, but an urgent message from Diana, demanding he’s needed in the Watch Tower. 

Constantine was summoning the Ghost King. 

Phantom had in fact left the apartment building. 

Jazz’s familiar teal-tinted portal opened for him to step through while he investigated and he didn’t waste any time crossing over to the Realms to where Jazz awaited him. 

And there she was, arms outstretched and awaiting him to embrace her. 

“Thank the Ancients!” Phantom exclaimed, diving into her waiting arms to wrap around his big sister, their different temperatures ignored in favor of communicating his relief with chirps and trills. 

Worry. Safe. Concern. RELIEF. Protect? 

Jazz clutched him tighter to her, nuzzling his soft white hair as she chirped back. 

Safe. Relief. Guilty. LOVE. 

At least Jazz would never fail to communicate her love for him, even while trying to reassure him she was okay. 

Phantom’s core purred and Jazz’s Proto-core echoed it, albeit weaker in frequency. They stayed like that, hugging each other right outside the tribe’s boundary for a while before Jazz spoke. 

“Little brother, we have to talk.” 

Those words beginning a conversation often led to him being angry or upset, but Jazz hadn’t needed him to be so serious for quite a while.  

“Hmm?” 

She shifted her weight a bit, readjusting her grip around Phantom’s form.

“It’s about Jason…I told him about me.” 

“As in,” Phantom began, pulling back from the hug, “you told him about Amity and…me?” 

Jazz puffed out a sigh, a wisp of breath in a mockery of his ghost sense hanging in the air between them. 

“I told him about us being ecto-contaminated, me being the most liminal being and all, but I told him I wouldn’t share your secrets.”

Phantom grinned, “Good because it’s about time I gave him a shovel talk.” 

“No, little brother.” Jazz got a pained look on her face for a moment as the frosty air grew tense. A summoning and a painful one at that. “Phantom-” 

“Go, I’ll talk to your boyfriend.” 

“Be nice, not bitchy nice.” 

“I’m always nice!”  

He only received a scoff before Jazz was dragged along by the summoning, a brief flash of her armor appearing signaling it was a serious situation. Phantom did not envy the idiot who tried to summon the Ghost King only to get the Regent instead. 

Speaking of idiots, Phantom had a Liminal to lecture and threaten. 

“Hurt her and I’ll shove you into a thermos, mix you into a smoothie, and drink you for breakfast.”

“Creative.” 

With that out of the way, Phantom floated over to Jason’s side and poked his stomach. 

“You doing ok?” He questioned, concern for his fellow vigilante bleeding through. Sure, he cared about Jason the human, but Red Hood was infinitely cooler. 

“Yeah, kid. I’m doing good.” Jason shuffled a bit more towards the center of the large cot, “You’re Danny Nightingale.” It was definitely not meant to be an accusation, Phantom was sure, but it sure felt like one. 

The ghost kid nodded, “I’m a Halfa, half-ghost and half-human. When in ghost form, I prefer Phantom.” 

“They/him?” 

Phantom shrugged, “Close enough.” 

Jason snorted, “How’re you doing kid?” 

“I’m currently talking to my sister’s boyfriend about to give him a crash course on the spooky and ooky.” The halfa grinned, “I couldn’t be better.” 

“Was that a reference?” 

“Was what a reference?”

“Nevermind.”

To say Jason was horrified was a gross understatement. 

He was so far past horrified he was well into confused panic at the sheer audacity of what he was currently hearing... 

“You’re the rightful Ghost King, but you’re too young in human and ghost cultures to rule in your name so your older sister is acting as your Regent. Do I have that right?” 

“Pretty much, yeah.” 

(Wow, Jazz was a badass.)

“Wait, but she goes by Regent as a vigilante?” 

“It was easier than calling her anything else, a lot of the ghosts refer to Jazz as either Regent, Your Majesty, or My Lady so she’s grown used to responding to them.” 

“Hold up- Lady?” 

Another hum, “Jazz is the Lady of the Acropolis, a former student of Pandora, the Guardian of Hope and Ancient of Peace.” 

“Wow, my girlfriend is awesome.” 

Phantom chuckled, a soft pat on Jason’s shoulder, “And don’t you forget it.” 

Whatever face Jason made as he realized he was courting a Lady, an actual Lady with a title and everything, was hilarious enough to make Phantom burst out laughing. 

Whatever, Jason could take the mockery from Phantom as long as his family never found out about him dating a Lady. His brothers would never let him live it down, that he was living out his Regency fantasies. 

(Fuckers, they’re just jealous he got a badass with a sword.) 

“Where is Jazz?” 

Phantom cringed, “She, uh, had to deal with something?” It was phrased as a question. 

“Something we should be worried about?” 

“For Jazz?” There was a hint of hero worship in his tone as the Ghost spoke of his sister, “We should be worried for the poor idiot that summoned her.” 

(Hold up.) 

“Summoned?” 

“Summoned, keep up.” 

Put a pin in that for later. “Why would anyone want to summon Jazz?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s not like she’s Regent of the Realms Infinite.” Ok, yeah, Jason deserved that sass. He was still wrapping his head around the fact that Jazz, his lovely spitfire of a soulmate girlfriend had Regency over a dimension of ghosts because Holy Shit. 

(He was totally simping over her, he’s man enough to admit it.)

Somehow that seemed more of a staggering revelation than being told he had been a Revenant with corrupted Ectoplasm that had technically died for a second time when he had those severe chest pains, only to be revived by Jazz pouring pure ecto down his throat. 

(The same Ecto she needs to keep herself healthy.)

(He wondered if Jazz had felt the connection between them even then.)

An unexpected summoning was a shard of ice in her spine, twisting like a knife of betrayal in the nerves, utter agony. Jazz had little warning, little time to brace herself before she was hooked behind her navel and yanked.

Thank the Ancients she wasn’t in the shower, because whoever dared to summon the Ghost King was not going to receive an eyeful for their trouble. 

Jazz allowed her armor to materialize, a slick sensation of water down her back soothed the lingering pain of the brutal summons, but her back plate soon settled firmly in place and irritated the nerves more so. 

Just as her helmet locked into place, sealing her fully into her armor, green smoke announced her arrival with a dramatic flair she couldn’t find humor in. 

Rested on one knee, head bowed, the Regent was quite an intimidating sight for the uninitiated. 

Her helmet, full coverage with a crown of green shards embedded into its pulsing ebony metal, only allowed the green tint of her eyes to shine through. Once her head lifted, the several shivers her gaze got proved how effective it was at unnerving others. 

With a breath, the Regent stood. 

And so we continue….

A/N:

If you're confused by the ending it picks up from Part 12, my special Jason Todd/Red aesthetic entry for the series. Part 12 to 13 takes place right beforehand, so we'll be entering into the endgame of the Anti-Ecto Acts being repealed soon.

Kudos and thanks to my beta reader @meditating-cat. Apparently I over use commas, who knew?

They had one thing to say about Jason in this part: SIMPPPP

I agree, I'm a totally dork for Simp!Jason and Loving!Jazz.

As for other news, I've been making a bunch of boards for The Regent (and my Revenant!Jazz prompt) while I've been sick, so there's that. I don't like many of them anyways.

A surprise poll will be included in an upcoming part, maybe not the next one, but it will come so keep an eye out for it because the answer will be included in the series.

Happy Holidays and best wishes from me to you!

-Love, the one strong with the sarcasm

[justalovelyblackgf]

I’m back on my shit talking again! Anyways, I got some stuff to say about Lana Lang. That’s my good sis! She’s been through A LOT and I really like that she is tries to be kind, help others, and include people who aren’t really in her social circle. Not your typical popular girl/cheerleader trope that’s always bitchy and rude, but she’s definitely the girl-next-door. She’s also trying to find her own way in life while still grieving her parents. She’s also wise and I love her but…

SPOILERS ahead:

She has no good judgement of other people’s character even though she doesn’t want to be judged. Example: Tina from “X-Ray” BOTH Clark and Whitney were trying to tell her that Tina was a red flag and that she had it out for Lana. Lana was creeped out by Tina a little bit, but she brushed that off and ended up getting her ass chocked, knocked out and buried alive!! She could’ve been a goner but TY CLARK. 😍👏🏾 That shit was scary. I lowkey blame Whitney too because he could’ve done more.. because that’s YOUR GIRLFRIEND, but Whitney is another story. Another example is Lana’s stalker (I fg his name) the boy who turned into a bug from “Metamorphosis”. Lana, baby…if a gift box with no tag or label was placed on YOUR bed, chuck that shit out!! Idgad if it’s butterflies in there, that didn’t scare you a bit?? You also knew that dude had a creepy ass vibe and so did Whitney, but you still accepted to study with this boy at one point? Thank God something came up that she couldn’t make it, but STILL. What got me is that when dude pulled up in the stables and started walking towards her after THROWING HER BOYFRIEND LIKE A RAG DOLL , she’s just standing there and asking FKIN QUESTIONS! This girl almost got violated. TY AGAIN CLARK! 😘 I’m not trying to victim blame but these events are TWO EPISODES APART. Lana, imma you need to stay in the house for a little bit. How you go to school after almost dying twice?? WTH WAS NELL DOING? Pressed over a birthday party, but not cautious enough to want your niece be in your view after she almost got got? I hate when female characters are written to be pretty, kind, sweet, and got a 4.0 GPA, BUT NO COMMON SENSE OR DISCERNMENT. The 2000s were lit, but a mess. y’all can agree or disagree, this is just my opinion. I’m just yapping. anyways I’ll be back and I’ll be on Whitney’s ass and Lana’s denial of her feelings. I’ma keep streaming. 😘🫶🏾

Side note: Kristin is a baddie!

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[batvvvvv]

next up is this guy!!! i went through...several cords trying to get my tablet to connect while i worked on this but here he is nonetheless! info below the cut once again

edward's parents wanted a daughter who was polite, patient, and well-behaved; someone to carry on their (so-called) respectable lineage. instead, they got a rude, loud-mouthed, and shockingly brilliant little girl who made it very clear he wouldn't be controlled.

it was clear from the start that school was... not for him. he was loud and inattentive, a smartass with no filter. a born problem child! but he wasn't trying to be troublesome; he just didn't understand. people, he would later learn, were just like puzzles. but this was one he couldn't solve yet.

in 6th grade he told his mom he was a boy; she told him he was being ridiculous and thought that'd be the end of it. eddie nashton, having named himself that day, felt otherwise. so he cut his hair and quit trying to please people. they thought he was obnoxious? good! they're all just jealous!

school was hell, between bullies and his own, rapidly declining mental health, but he bore it with a grin and eventually got out with a 4.0 gpa and a fuck-you to everyone. he changed his name to Edward Nygma, and vanished.

life on his own was... not easy, but eventually he scraped enough money together for his own place. then, his time was spent devouring every bit of news about the wave of heists that was hitting gotham, before supercrime was in fashion.

ed becomes obsessed with these crimes, how they were executed and, more importantly, how they failed. the criminals ALWAYS got caught! if they did it like this, they could've gotten away with it! then he thinks: hey, if i did it like this, i could get away with it! so, to prove how dumb these criminals are and because he's broke edward plans a heist.

it goes perfectly, until he's walking out the door. he knows he's done everything right but his head screams that he's going to be caught, unless he leaves something behind on purpose. so he scrawls a riddle on the floor and books it!!

they don't catch him. he'd left a CLUE, and those idiots still failed! with his ego in the stratosphere, he tries again! and again, and again, each time leaving a clue behind. the riddler hits the newspapers and, while he finds the name a bit silly, it's a kind of attention he didn't know he'd been dying for.

he upsizes. his crimes get more elaborate, until he's living in an apartment 2x the size, and everyone has heard the riddler's name. then he slips up, and the cops show up during his next exploit. he panics, takes a hostage, and sets off on a grandiose speech about how they're all BUGS, insignificant compared to the enigma. this buys him time to flee!

he tries to lay low, and finds he can't stop himself. he goes mad with the tedium of regular life, fearing he'll lose his mind if he doesn't do something.

so the riddler returns full-force, evolved into much more than a petty robber, and much more than anyone ever expected of him.

[ngaatee]

For the People Academia Breaks

Hey so I am going to get something off of my chest. Last year I got a postgraduate degree in philosophy and it was actually one of the most devastating experiences of my entire life.

I have always been someone with big ideas, and my favourite aspect of philosophy has always been the way that I can blend different ideas to address current issues, especially if something about those ideas sometimes veer into using my imagination. So when we got to choose our thesis topics, I jumped to do something ambitious, something impressive, something grand. And it was. I posed the following question: What would an African feminist ethic say about posthumanism and transhumanism as it pertains to the right to bodily integrity?

This question meant the world to me. It means the world to me. There was so much to get into, so many ideas, and so little published philosophical work on each section of the question. It was quintessentially me.

Ambitious, important and interesting. And I did fucking do it. I didn't get the high grade that I had hoped for, but I got a high enough average should I pursue further higher education, I had gotten a high grade for a concept I essentially invented and built from the ground up, and I had yet another fucking degree after a year plagued by illness, piss poor mental health, worse financial management and not a damn clue what I would do next.

I had also excelled in my other classes and so I was going to take the win and move on. I was in a space where what mattered to me was that I had what I needed for the next steps. Academia career, and somehow reforming education, those have been my goals forever, So I had my grades and set out to get reference letters and one person I asked was my supervisor. And that, dear reader, was when it all went to shit and my mental health sunk to a new low.

My supervisor and I had not had major conflict but I was ready to move on for a variety of reasons. I had tutored one of her classes and had reservations about her methodology and when opportunities for feedback came, I was as honest but diplomatic as possible. I was not the lecturer. When she became my supervisor I had looked in the guide and I had thought that she was going to be the right fit. But in some ways I always felt that my work was not my own, and often times my work became a site of ego. But it could have been worse so I was going to move on and take those lessons to do things differently next time.

So I emailed her, was happy to have the grades for a future in academia and asked for the referral. She emailed me and gave me unsolicited feedback and then openly stated that a section of my work "surprised her, and not in a good way". I will be frank, it disgusted me. I read it and my skin crawled because she had been a less than stellar supervisor, including being angered when I got an extension after my hospitalization, threatening to not even give me a grade, when the HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT granted me one.

I was a star pupil, with the exploratory ideas to back it up, and consistently she undermined me and I forgave her every time because of how badly I wanted it. And then in the last moment, after I toiled on a thesis and made it through with a high GPA, she could not let me be happy. She could not let me rejoice that every single day last year felt like I was taking my dying breath, And she could not be the kind of supervisor that deserved my bright ideas, my desire to learn, my ambition. I was told that I should prep a version of my paper for a conference and she never had the time to help me, everyday there was an excuse, and I still made it, and she could not just let us be cordial and move on.

That thesis I did is my first child. I laboured, I read, and I thought it through, and I was willing to accept the imperfections that came in my crafting of it because it was powerful and meaningful. I am an African woman, concerned with how we understand our autonomy and our bodies and what that means in a greater philosophical context. I chose a thesis that meant something to me, and I used whatever philosophical building blocks I could to bring it together, and achieved a feat that people thought might be impossible for me. And I am damn proud of it. And in that email, my supervisor didn't care because she felt embarrassed or something.

I have spent a year being angry. How dare she? Especially since academia puts certain kinds of constraints on work and even with those constraints, I made lemonade out of lemons. In fact, I made lemonade out of rocks. And I have grieved and been sad and it has broken my spirit remembering the disdain in that email. And then the later email with the reference letter where I discover that after all this time, my supervisor knows nothing about me.

She doesn't know my worth, she doesn't know how much her class benefitted from having me as a tutor, and my fellow tutor too. She doesn't know anything that other institutions would love about me. Her colleagues do though. They gave me beautiful letters that reflected my passion, honesty, and integrity, and I felt seen. I wish that I had gotten one of them to be my supervisor, I just didn't know any better, it was a new university, a new city, with new people. But my thesis, my baby, would have been so much safer and cared for in their hands.

But I am not ending it like that. I have started to embark on a multimedia art project revisiting and expanding my thesis and I am explaining different philosophical and sociological concepts that are relevant to it as I go along. Because my thesis belongs to me. My ideas belong to me. And the projections of my supervisor, and the painful memories that are attached to it for me will not under any circumstances, end with her defining my thesis for me.

My thesis is my baby, my child and I am proud of it. Its words live in me, its ideas still are a fixation in my mind, and now I have what it takes to really bring it to the next level. And so I will. I do not just love my thesis as a cute baby that people admire and call beautiful. I love my thesis as a petulant older child that sometimes struggles to string ideas that are linked but in ways that are not obvious. I love my thesis as a teenager lost in despair trying to reconcile how a society functions and the philosophies and ideologies that underpin it, the teenager reading social and political thought for the first time. I love my thesis as the young adult that has more questions than answers. I love my thesis as all of the people I have been and whom I will be.

Academia broke my heart. and it devastated many people befor me. But many ideas are worth exploring. Many ideas are worth cradling in a warm blanket and developing over time. Your ideas and mine, are worth so much more than the egos and power of people around us, and they do not get to rob our work of its dignity. And we do not have to leave the brilliance of our thoughts with the memories of people who never cared to understand them. And so I am coming back for my child, I am returning for my thesis. Because I am willing to spend time with it, and nurture it, and develop it. I am ready for it to one day be in the world and standing on its own.

The words of my thesis live in me, but the words of my thesis will live beyond me. And so as I drawm paint, photograph and write for this multimedia art project. As the young mother of this thesis and this combination of ideas, I will be raw and approach it with care, consideration and thoughtfulness. and hopefully, my thesis will find the right people who are interested in philosophy, sociology and the arts. Because this thesis will always be my baby, and I hope it meets people that love it and see it for what it is, the way that I do.

I dedicate this multimedia art project to the people whose first heartbreak was being alienated from their ideas in service of other people's desires. May you always find your way back to that child who wondered so much about the world, and was eager to learn more.

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

Like a man possessed, I felt like drawing what the gang's various graduation outfits looked/will look like... lol

Notes about each one (and the close-ups again) below the cut:

Midtown High!!! 2005! I made it light blue to match the design I came up with for Flash's varsity jacket, with little white and red bits of course. I made Midtown's colors blue, white and red a long time ago on purpose cause I thought it would be funny. I think the baby blue is cute.

(here's a pic of the letter jacket btw)

Flash doesn't have any honors, except ALLLLL of his sports shit, but they don't really have like... cords for that? so i gave him some medals. but he did like... three or four sports in high school and had a bunch of state wins so i figured he should have something.

I decided Liz should be the Valedictorian so she has the national honor society cords and a little valedictorian stole... the kind you get custom printed of course, not from the school.

Peter somehow managed to graduate high school magna cum laude despite his uncle dying and also getting his ass beat a bunch of times, but he and his aunt can barely afford to live when he's in high school so he definitely can't afford $15 for a stupid rope. (😂) (really his aunt probably would have found a way if she had been made aware...) (i'm sure there are other ways to get the cords but it feels fair to say, personality-wise... this is fitting...)

also... i think i accidentally drew him without his broken nose but i moved shit around so he gets his nose busted way before graduation lol

Still 2005, Standard High! Harry and Gwen! I used green and white as the colors based off like a comic panel from the Gwen Stacy solo comic. and saw some stuff about high schools that have white for girls and blue for boys (i actually think one of my high schools did that? but i graduated from the other school, where the colors were black and orange, so the gowns were... black lol) so I color-coded it based on gender as well, in contrast to Midtown's exclusively sky blue gowns.

Gwen is also Valedictorian, OBVIOUSLY, and I used a V-neck stole for that, plus all the honor cords, and a bunch of medals for shit like the science olympiad, honors, etc. AND a key club stole. cause. that all seemed fitting for her.

Harry gets a medal cause Gwen made him do SciOly with her. and the cord is DECA. REALLY I'm sure there are other societies and clubs from which he could have accessories since he's a little rich boy but I got tired of trying to google stuff and gave up 😂

All the high school gowns, even from Gwen's school, are shiny...

2009—originally I was gonna have Harry graduate too but then I decided he should drop out, so Gwen and Hobie ended up being the only ones in their friend group to graduate on time (or in some cases, at all) lol —

I thought even with his life being a little stressful, Hobie deserved to graduate with honors especially since he's like. a genius. so i guess, much like peter, despite adversity, he managed to get a very high GPA (I chose to, for various reasons, make ESU an expensive possibly private university (loosely based on NYU w/ some deviations) w/ high standards for performance so in this case, magna cum laude is like 3.8+ GPA lol) He's in the same track as Peter and got his Bachelor of Science in Mechanical(?) Engineering. a very smart young man but better at coding. (i actually wonder if he's less mechanical engineering and more a different engineering degree... hmm... definitely engineering either way but maybe more technologically focused than Peter's)

except for Liz, whose business degree I may or may not have forgotten about while drawing this, the others (except Peter) either don't graduate (Harry and Flash) or don't go to college in the first place (Betty, Glory, MJ)

Gwen gets to be the consistent overachiever in this group as I think becomes very apparent... so she's summa cum laude but not, I think, valedictorian. this despite her father dying between sophomore and junior year?? lol? (spoilers i guess 😂) and I decided that at ESU, for summa cum laude, instead of three pairs of cords, it's two pairs plus a satin/silk stole. and also they use their own institutional colors for honors cords (this is where I deviate strongly from NYU, which does not hand out cords or stoles or anything for honors) Oh also she got a BSN (nursing degree)

I put ESU in Stuyvesant Square Park btw.

like. Actually in it. (and several blocks surrounding it) the park is the college green lol

meanwhile Midtown High is just where Forest Hills High School is.

anyway

oh yeah, since I designed Flash's ESU jacket to be cream/off-white with burgundy leather arms and various maroon and crimson accents I decided to run with that and make ESU's school colors maroon and ivory, so the robes are maroon.

Eventually Flash is gonna give this jacket to Peter btw. since Peter actually went to ESU for more than two semesters and also is always on that damn motorcycle.

anywho

2010!! Peter finally graduates just in time for—Gwen to graduate AGAIN LOL — this makes it seem like Gwen finished an entire Master of Science in the time it takes Peter to finish his BS in Mechanical Engineering but technically Peter will graduate in January, he just can't walk until May, and Gwen graduates in May officially. So Gwen only finished HALF her master's degree in the time it takes him to graduate (because her toxicology MS is a two semester program lol)

so like i said this is just Peter's undergrad; he has to take a full extra semester to make up for being withdrawn in "Creep" but luckily an official withdrawal doesn't count against your GPA. which. for a second i was like "OH FUCK" cause I was worried i'd accidentally put him in a situation where he'd be forced to drop out etc. but no his GPA is fine lol. But. No more honors for Peter. Because at a fancy school like ESU 3.62 is just "good" LMAO

So Gwen will be getting a Master of Science in Toxicology at this point, which is afaict generally Medicine so she got a master's hood with dark green for medicine. but Science is like, sage green or something, so I included that in her tights lol

By this point Flash and Peter will be steady so Peter gets to sit in Flash's lap for this lol... Also there should be like 4 more people here but man... my hand hurts 😂 I ran out of steam, but like, Glory, Betty... Felicia... and I think Aunt Anna (Felicia's very flattered to be invited instead of having to sneak along the rafters of the stadium LMAO)

In my head Gwen and Peter carefully coordinate their guest tickets (5 each) so that they can invite their entire friend group and some family so amusingly, despite dating and living together, Peter does not invite Flash, Gwen does 😂 but they agree on this beforehand. Peter invites Aunt May and... i am realizing this retroactively... all the people I didn't draw LOL

This is also 3 months after Normie is born which I realized while drawing Harry and then was like, omg i need to google what a baby carrier looks like Immediately

also mj has short hair for a few years cause i thought it would be cute

moving on

you. might have noticed something.

(2013: Peter's Master of Science in Teaching)

He's wearing red and blue...

Unlike Midtown this was NOT on purpose LMAO I realized only when I was looking up degree colors for the velvet on the hood and discovered that education was light blue... so I decided to lean into it, and then the FF stole just added to it 😂 so he gets spider-man colors for his master's degree lol

That being said, I'm still debating this honestly. this one has already changed a lot as I tried to figure some things out and figure out what timeline isn't wildly unbelievable for him to have a job as a teacher by 2013 lol, cause it's kind of intertwined with some plot stuff that once again involves him graduating a semester late, for a program that normally would be two semesters + one semester of student teaching (his is three semesters + one because I added in an extension for special ed because I want him to get an extended certificate, so he's taking an extra semester of special ed classes) but it ends up taking him two and a half years instead of just one or two and... also as you can see his GPA is not very good because this time instead of a W, he gets an N for the classes he was doing when he uhhh is kidnapped so that brings his entire GPA down, which is Bad News For Scholarships and why I have him with the FF sash.

He already HAS the FF grant (it's one of those kinds that fills in gaps in financial aid) for all of his Master's (no they don't know they've given Spider-Man a scholarship LMAO) so that he can go to grad school like, at all, but I decided that the Fantastic Four also has an emergency fund for Students In Crisis so he gets that his final semester after losing all of his other scholarships (missed the deadlines to apply because he boldly assumed he was One Month From Graduating 😅 and obviously didn't feel the need to reapply for scholarships he wouldn't need anymore) because he... uh... is a student who has had a major crisis lol

also realizing suddenly I should have named this the Fantastic Four Collegiate Fund lmao i'll update my notes.

At this point the Future Foundation is just the Fantastic Four's charity uh... branch? front? idk they do charity and scholarships for marginalized students with it. later it will be more than that.

Here's this again cause I think it's cute.

Peter's final semester is actually half-time student teaching, but I've been considering having him not graduate at all since he already has 40+ days of student teaching, but I'm torn, cause like I said, I want him to have a special ed extension on his teacher certification, but that requires like 70 days of student teaching lol so even though he could still get an initial certification without the MA, I don't think he'd be qualified for what I want him to get a job doing... IDK WE'LL SEE. i'm thinking about possibilities.

IF he graduates, I wasn't even sure if he would walk at commencement anyway, but I also figured that his dear old aunt would really really really really want him to because he put all that hard work in and had such a hard year and doesn't he want to celebrate being alive etc?? even if Peter would rather eat glass. He's so tired. He needs a thousand year nap. But at least by this point he might be willing to be convinced to go be surrounded by 5000 people in a theater... perhaps... maybe.

If he does walk I think he is going to have 4 tickets for guests so it would be obviously May and Flash cause that's his mom and his long-term romantic partner, and... at first I was like, what two other people?! he can't pick and choose favorite friends?! but then i realized it could only be Robbie and JJJ in this specific context that I CANNOT keep going into, just trust me, it's the only correct choice. and also it makes me 🥺

They care him...

jesus. god. anyway.

Gwen's PhD:

I said she was the overachiever. Literally like A MONTH before The Curse of the Man-Spider, Gwen graduates from her doctoral program with a PhD in Toxicology lmao so I wanted to draw THAT up too, so here we get much of the same in the form of maroon robes and a hood with a red and ivory lining, but since it's a PhD she gets the fancy doctorate robes and since ESU likes to be unique apparently it has ivory velvet for the panels and arm chevron stripe things, instead of black, lol. I almost went the ivory robes + maroon velvet route but that looked a little too much like MIT 😂 so I swapped it. I like this.

Also leaning into the Spider-Man red and blue.

Actually I was gonna do a maroon tam but I decided matching it to the PhD blue for the hood edge looked better and I was like. Listen if I'm gonna lean into the red and blue, I might as well lean all the way in. lmao. And yes. 8 sided. like a spider.

This is EXTRA FUNNY because she KNOWS now too (since the year before) so she's probably looking in the mirror like, God Fucking Dammit Peter. But she won't let something as silly as spider-man colors get her down!! tbf i could have had her just get her PhD at a different school, but, you know, it's whatever lol

So, in the end, Gwen has a PhD in Toxicology, Peter has a Master's in Teaching probably (somehow), Hobie has at least a BS in engineering, Liz has at least a Business degree, and... everyone else dropped out or didn't go to college. lol.

also here are some more closeups of that MAT drawing cause I like it

look how tired he is. he's so tired. but there's a little smile. see, peter, it's not all bad.

🥺in love🥺 actually Flash has also been very stressed lol but I think by the time Peter would be walking at graduation, Flash will be much less stressed... especially now that peter isn't having quite so many Extremely Disruptive Nightmares so Flash can get some sleep 💀

She's proud of her boy. I realized partway through drawing this that an oxygen tank would probably make sense cause she was uhhhh *checks notes* stabbed in the chest lol

she's like... 77 or 78 years old now?? and was mostly spry-ish (not counting rheumatoid arthritis) but after this she's definitely much more weak.

anyway that's my long ass post that's honestly probably missing some context but oh my god

[handweavers]

i'll never forget when one of my high school teachers yelled at me when i was like 17 for skipping work/school saying something along the lines of "i don't know how you expect to go to university and succeed at literally any job when you can't even do fucking high school" and this was at a school for kids with mental illness and trauma lol. and i was so depressed and suffering from ptsd so badly i couldn't even say anything i just cried and walked away and i dropped out of high school and then went back and tried again and dropped out again (and did this again 1 more time before throwing in the towel and getting my GED where i scored in the 99th percentile in all categories but math btw but whatever these are all just numbers) and since then i think i've been trying to do college/university out of sheer spite to prove that mfer wrong but after dropping out from university 3 times and struggling so badly that i may have to drop out again i'm starting to accept that he may have been right. my university gpa is 4.0 but i keep having to drop out bc my family keeps dying on me and then i have a mental breakdown and can't function due to ptsd and compounding grief and my adhd and chronic illnesses already make school difficult even when no one is dying and at this point i'm so deep in debt from student loans and i just keep making a fool of myself i feel like a fucking joke unable to get my shit together relatives constantly asking me when i'll be done school and i keep breaking my own heart and i can't do it anymore i'm tapping out. that horrible teacher won, i admit defeat. i'm not going to punish myself anymore i don't deserve this and i never did and i will find some other way to live with myself