#my heart aches for his broken one TT~TT

[therealgchu]

WIP Wednesday - To the Shore

starting to pick back up on TTS.

we were discussing on the discord that favorite sam is vulnerable sam. i'd written this bit awhile ago, and not sure if it'll be in the upcoming chapter, or later, depending on how long the next chapter will be. i might have to split it into two.

tagging the coemancers, and anyone else that wants to share their stuff.

To the Shore from the beginning on a03.

my other stuff on ao3.

sneak peek (poor sam!)

“Yes! You deserve more! Better! Someone that’s not broken and as badly fucked up as I am! Someone that you don’t have to worry about that will someday snap. Someone fucking sane! Someone better than me. Which is pretty much everyone else in the galaxy.”

Sam let out a bark, “Do you think that I’m not fucked up? My god, Hwa, look at me! My mother dying, Jacob, the drugs, more illegal shit than I care to admit, and the shit frosting on the shit cake, Lillian! We’re all broken! Nobody’s normal or perfect.” He hung his head low, “Do you think I don’t worry you’ll find someone better? You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. You’re crazy talented, and you can do just about everything. And, even if you don’t believe it, you’re beautiful. Why would you want dumb Sam Coe? Single dad, no prospects, and dragging more baggage than the Solar Flare can carry?”

Hwa shook her head fiercely, “No! No!” and wrapped her arms around him, bringing his head to cradle on her breast. She’d never heard him talk like that before; he was always so bright and sunny and optimistic. Hearing him speak about himself this way made her heart ache. “Don’t say that about yourself,” she whispered. “You’re perfect, at least to me.” She felt him tremble, his tears wetting her sweatshirt. She gently rocked him and smoothed his hair as he did for her so many times. When he became calm she asked, “Have you always felt like that?”

“Yes. No. Maybe,” he answered, wiping his eyes. “There are days. What happened with Lillian was quite the blow to my ego. And after we separated, I tried dating, but it was really, really hard. I had pretty much given up right before I met you.”

He clutched her tightly, “I don’t want anyone else. I want you,” he said in a strangled tone. “My beautiful little flower, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You and Cora are the only people I have ever loved. I didn’t even know if I was capable of loving anyone else. And, no one has ever loved me. At least till I met you."

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

Hi :) I was wondering if you maybe would write a second part of that Tendou college scenario you did a while back (post/180040401365), cause I really loved it ^_^. Something like them becoming a couple with lots of comfort kisses and cuddles.

LOVE me some lizard boi! And I’m really happy to hear you liked that piece!!!! I’ll link it below so we can all collectively reread it

First Part Here

Tendou Satori:

How completely tired and useless could one feel? You could count the ways… You’d missed out on class today, you hadn’t gone into your school study job, you hadn’t gone to your after class clubs or even left your dorm room to get something fresh to eat.

Nope.

You’d stayed in your bed, for most of the day, watching Netflix and Hulu and Youtube while binging on junk food you had stashed in your room.

For good reason, though! You wanted that to be completely clear to your own self! You hadn’t gone to class today because you had passed all your college exams for the semester - there was no point in going in until the next semester! You hadn’t gone to your study job because the office you helped out in was closed for the end of the semester! Clubs, also, were only simply shutting down for the closing of the semester and the cafe…. well, you didn’t wanna get out of your warm bed!

That last one didn’t really have a good reason, but you weren’t going to beat yourself up about it.

“_______-chan~, you’re in the same position as when I left this morning!”

You scoffed with a smile, “Not true! I had to get up to pee like 20 minutes ago.” Only a split second was allowed for you to open your arms, your phone still playing loudly since you hadn’t paused what you were watching, before your boyfriend was flopping down into your bed with you.

Tendou hummed happily as he laid his head down on your chest, his arms wrapping around your hips while his body rested between your legs. He was a very tall young man, so you knew his legs were more than likely hanging off the end of your bed.

Bringing the phone back into your view, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your wrist resting on the side of his head so you could still watch your show. Tendou didn’t seem to mind, tilting his head so your arm was resting on the side of his face now and he could hear your heart beating against his ear. Calm and slow… Comfortable. Tendou closed his eyes as he relaxed in your arms.

Though the mood was a bit off. Something felt wrong. You knew something was different from when he’d left that morning to now…

So you set your phone down after tapping the lock button. Your hands were back on him in the next second, fingers running through his hair, your other hand rubbing up and down his back soothingly.

As the seconds ticked by, he seemed to relax more and more into you and the bed, taking comfort in your body heat and your gentle hands.. You were here for him… You loved him… “You okay, Satori?”

He let out a quiet whine, reaching a hand up to press against your face, “Sssshhhhhh, I’m trying to sleep, ______.” He didn’t want to talk about it - you knew enough from that response hat something had happened for sure. Something had happened or someone had said something….

But you weren’t going to just let it go that easily.

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes.. Almost a whole year together and he still didn’t seem to be okay with telling you everything outright… Still seemed reserved in his feelings and things happening to him.. But you had never been one to push him. This relationship between the two of you went as fast or as slow as he wanted it to - because his being comfortable was just as important to you as yours was to him. “I love you, Satori…” You whispered, knowing he’d only whine about sleeping again if you spoke any louder.

Tendou felt his heart constrict at the feeling in your voice. You really did love him, didn’t you? His arms tightened around you, his eyes closing a little tighter as he held you closer. Why? “Why?” He asked, struggling to keep his voice from sounding as choked up as he felt inside.

Any cheesy response now wouldn’t be taken lightly. He was hurting. His heart ache from school and his own parents and friends… still affecting him now as he grew into his own adult. So you didn’t stoop to that level. He needed you to be serious with him, and honest.

“Because I do.”

Not too serious, though. You knew your boyfriend got really uncomfortable if things became too surreal too fast. Too serious and morose too quickly. More than not… It was hard to find that perfect balance, so he took what you said to heart but didn’t run away from the truth of your words, either.

His red eyebrows furrowed, and he peeked an eye open to look at you; why did you like seeing the black of his pupil contract inside the red of his iris? The contrast, you were sure. He pursed his lips as he peered up at you, “Not any particular reason?” You only smiled softly, “Not cause I can get things off the top shelves or because I get you all the staring attention you could ever want?”

You shook your head, “Nope. None of those reasons.”

Now he pouted, not daring to look away from you, though. You were his hope and light in this world.. And now, after what’d happened before he’d come back to you, he needed to bathe in your warmth. “Then why?” He really did want to know… or rather, the darkness that would replace your light, when you eventually left him, wanted to know… So it could weaponize your words against his own heart and against his own head.

“Because we’re two halves of a whole-“

“Idiot?”

“Soul….” You laughed quietly at his interruption, “You’re definitely not an idiot, Satori.. You have better grades than I do!”

Tendou shrugged, “Guess you’re more ¾ths of an idiot then, huh?” He laughed when you tugged on his hair, tilting his head a bit more so both his eyes were trained on you… But not tilted enough to pull away from your comfort giving chest. “You believe in soul mates….?” He’d meant it as a statement because he knew you did… The two of you had talked about it before..

That was the one of the best things about your relationship, he thought. Being able to talk about something as romantically serious as soul mates when the two of you were just beginning to talk. Or what the meaning of life was or what happens after death even though the two of you hadn’t even hit the peaks of your prime!

“I believe in you…” You edited, running both your hands through his hair now, letting one rest on the side of his head while the other stroked down his back, fingers pressing into his shoulder blades and muscles on either side of his spine. He felt more relaxed now. You were thankful you were able to get his mind off of whatever had happened.

Though he didn’t look too impressed with your answer, but you didn’t give him the chance to rebut your belief.

You leaned down and pressed your lips to his. It was an awkward position for you, since you kind of had to do a ‘sit up’ and use muscles you didn’t normally use, but you’d walk through hell for this boy.

He practically chirruped against your lips, and you could feel his body heat from the sudden kiss. Tendou sure did love surprise affection - but his body only seemed to be embarrassed by the actions. And when you pulled away, you could see the blush on his face was as violently eccentric as his hair, and his eyes seemed to have this dreamy glaze over them as he stared up at you.

What had he done right in a past life to deserve someone as beautiful, as gentle, as loving and affectionate as you? And how could he convince you to stay with him for the rest of your lives?

Lovestruck. That’s the only way you could describe his expression. “Let’s get hitched, ________-chan~.” He suddenly sighed out happily, arms constricting around your middle to hold you ever closer. While this would usually leave you breathless, you couldn’t help but laugh quietly at how his heart had immediately gone to that topic.

“We will.. After college.” You booped his nose before bringing up your phone to rest on his head again, “For now though, I wanna hear you do your best Dwight from The Office quote for quote impressions.”

“You’re watching the office again? What episode? Without me? How dare!”

A/N: Not gonna lie… I legit almost started crying bc of how much I absolutely adore Tendou… My sweet boy needs more love TT~TT

[lemons3ason]

HOW THE VINSMOKE BROTHERS REACT TO LOSING THEIR S/O BECAUSE OF THEIR FATHER!

Warning: Mad Angst, Lowkey long I got kinda a little to into these scenarios, mentions of death and torture, I cried and lowkey need to make a part two for fluff TT-TT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichiji Vinsmoke

You were missing from bed this morning, of course Ichiji was curious of it since you were practically 8 months pregnant but he thought you were just back in the kitchen cooking with Cosette again. You were a chef for the Germa Kingdom, the only reason he had met you was because Niji had thrown a plate of food at Cosette and you shielded her from it before striking Niji in a nerve and knocking him unconscious for over 36 hours. Since that day Ichiji had claimed you as his, his cute firecracker, and yet for some reason you were never enough for his father. You made his son human, which in turn made him weak, sooner or later you would’ve had to be dealt with. Judge had summoned him to the throne room to speak with him alone, with his shadow casting over the young red haired man he spoke with a cold heartless tone, “(Y/n) has been executed. She was taken down to the dungeons before daybreak, so you won’t find her.”, he turned to his son to make sure he emphasized his point, “She wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”

Ichiji felt his heart shatter, something he once never had, and felt his lips quiver at the news. Nothing held him back, so why?! Why didn’t he just kill his father where he stood! Judge had sent you to the dungeons to be executed, all because he deemed you unworthy of the Vinsmoke name. Ichiji’s fist ignited into flames as his rage boiled in his blood. He was always cold and collected but right at this moment he was afraid! Afraid and enraged, Ichiji left his father alone and stormed down to the dungeons. Memories of his days tormenting Sanji replayed in his mind causing his stomach to churn. The dungeons were for the weak, only the strong could laugh from the other side of the bars and unfortunately you were just a weak powerless human compared to the monsters that lived right by your side.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) answer me! Answer me right now!”, Ichiji’s voice roared through the cold dark cells of the dungeon.

Soldiers in charge of the chambers emerged attempting to calm their leader but their skulls simply met the hard brick walls as he punched them. Flames flickered from his fists and feet with each of his movements, even without his raid suit Ichiji was a force to be reckoned with.

“(Y/n)!”, his screams were desperate at this point, his emotional heart couldn’t handle the stress of the situation anymore.

Then he saw it, in pure disbelief he threw his glasses to the side taking in the pale lifeless battered body that laid before his eyes. Everything stopped, y-you were gone. He was to late. Ichiji didn’t want to believe it not now, not ever, he raced to your side scooping your cold form into his arm and holding you tight almost mistaking his own body heat as yours in broken hope that you were still alive. He was heartbroken, as he stared down at your beautiful sleeping face his vision became blurry. He had lost it, he lost you, tears and screams of agony poured out of Ichiji’s body. He couldn’t handle this, not (Y/n), not you of all people. His wails became louder so much so that his siblings could hear him, even Judge who stared out over the sea with no regret to his decision could hear the heartbroken wails of his precious son. Ichiji’s raw emotions triggered his powers, his tears evaporated from the intense heat his body produced and like an inferno eating at a dry field his flames engulfed the dungeons setting fire to half of the Germa Kingdom. Even as your body seared to ash in his arms he held onto you desperately his wails becoming noiseless gasps until his brothers pulled him out of the flames and away from your ashes.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)!!!!!”, He screamed fighting against his brothers strength as soldiers rushed in to put out the flames.

Even if he showed weakness because of his heart Ichiji mourned your death, he couldn’t handle it anymore because every little thing reminded him of you. For a whole week he had locked himself in your old quarters and he wouldn’t budge...not until Reiju appeared with the only thing that would pull him out of mourning. She kicked the door open holding something small in her arms and sighed seeing her brother collapsed by your bedside.

“She’s gone Ichiji, get over it.”, Reiju growled.

“How do you expect me to do that? Tell me Reiju! Every woman I’ve ever seen was merely a toy of amusement for me until I met her! She reminded me what it meant to be human, how do you expect me to get over her!”, the red haired male growled grabbing his sister by the fabric collar until a soft cry caught his attention.

The sudden rough movement had awaken the slumbering (h/c) haired baby that rested in Reiju’s arms. Ichiji’s body trembled from shock and he once again collapsed to his knees. Reiju smiled and kneeled down in front of her younger brother carefully placing his child in his arms, “(Y/n) fought till the very end, I noticed them take her down to the dungeon and the stress from them beating her drove her body into labor. Father’s word was absolute to kill her but nothing was said about the baby. All she asked was that I took her.”, Reiju sighed tears of regret falling from her blue eyes.

This little baby girl, with Ichiji’s curly little eyebrows, and your sweet eyes, was all he had left of you and he wouldn’t let his father take her from him like he took you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Niji Vinsmoke

That night you hadn’t returned to bed, after a heated argument about his cruel behavior towards the staff of the ship you had left Niji alone in his quarters. The young prince waited impatiently for you to return but after midnight struck the clock he decided that it would be best to go find you instead. It wasn’t your first fight but truly he let himself go, he said things that he regretted and sucking it up and apologizing to you only seemed fair. He called your name loudly, not caring about the others and their sleep since he needed to find you quickly.

“(Y/n)? Hey little brat come on, it’s late we can continue this argument tomorrow just come to bed.”, he sighed running his fingers through his blue hair in frustration.

He noticed several guards talking amongst themselves and decided to question them on your whereabouts. All the soldiers froze up once they felt the intense anger radiating off of their general, they quickly stood at attention greeting Niji as he glared down at all of them. He noticed your necklace hanging out of one of their pockets and quickly snatched it back as he began to interrogate the soldier.

“Where the hell did you get this? A piece of gravel like you shouldn’t have been able to get this close to (Y/n) in order to take it. Where did you get this?”, Niji growled electricity discharged from his body with each passing second.

The soldier stumbled over his words trembling in fear as he looked death in the face, “I-I’m sorry sir! I-I found it in the dungeons it’s from the most recent kill. I-I didn’t know this b-belonged to Ms. (L/n)!”, the soldier squeaked in fear as Niji’s electricity made all the lights in the hall pop, his body glowed a dim blue in the dark corridor as he stormed down to the dungeons. Something didn’t feel right, for once an unsettling itch was making Niji nervous. Why would you be in the dungeons of all places? His steps echoed the farther down he went, but the eerie silence of the dungeons made his stomach ache. Something wasn’t right.

“(Y/n)? Hey brat, where are you? Come on this is enough, it’s not funny, (Y/n)!”, Niji yelled, his voice broke as he called your name, “(Y/n), come on I’m sorry! I don’t hate you, I love you so come back.”

For the first time ever fear was coursing through his blood and he didn’t know what to do. Every call of your name drove him crazy, you didn’t respond no matter how loud he got. He searched every sell desperately for you but he couldn’t find a thing, he was clueless on your whereabouts until one of the many prisoners in the dungeons spoke up.

“Niji?”, the old man called quickly grabbing the young prince’s attention.

“Who the hell do you think your calli-“

“That’s the name the young lady was calling when they were beating her. Niji, at the top of her lungs, it was painful to have to hear her.”, the old man sighed tears falling from his eyes.

Niji’s arms reached for his tattered clothes slamming him against the bars as he demanded answers, “What girl? Where did they take her?”

“T-this young lady with short (h/c) hair. They took her to the torture chamber just down the hall!”

“Her hair wasn’t short! Liar!”, Niji growled.

“I-It was! Lord Judge cut her hair with his spear to show her how little she meant to the family. Then ordered her execution, I haven’t heard her voice for the last three hours.”, the man admitted crying in fear of being punished.

Niji released the man and ran as quickly as he could to the chambers, but the pool of blood was enough for him to understand your fate. He stared down at the pool in defeat and fell to his knees as his vision became blurry. Bloodied whips and clubs littered the floor but Niji couldn’t see a thing, he screamed in anguish to the situation. His heart couldn’t take this, his head was splitting to the very thought of your death. His sadness quickly turned into rage, it’s was his fault, his father was the cause of all of this! Using his powers he appeared in his father’s room in a mere matter of seconds, his electricity burning hotter then ever before.

“WHERE IS MY (Y/N)?!”, Niji roared ripping his goggles off so he could see his father properly.

Judge, completely unamused by his favorite son’s outburst, simply scoffed and returned to his paperwork. Having been ignore Niji slammed his fist into Judge’s desk scattering and burning the papers throughout the room. He glared up at his father and repeated his question, “Where is my (Y/n)?”

“Tossed out to sea, it’s not like she was alive anymore. By now she’s being digested by some stray seaking that found her battered corpse.”, Judge sighed in frustration, “It’s not like I would’ve considered someone like her eligible to be your wife. A prince shouldn’t bother with a mere nameless slave.”

Niji was heartbroken, tears that had been ready to fall from his eyes from the past 20 years had finally started to fall. He couldn’t see, not even an inch in front of him as he grieved your death. He was to late, he fought with you and made you leave and when you needed him most he wasn’t there for you.

“It was pathetic how desperately she called your name, she was to reliant on you, it made the torture so much easier when she finally gave up. Hopefully the next woman you fall in love with is more suitable to be a Vinsmoke.”, Judge sighed lifting his son by his collar and throwing him out of his room.

Niji was forced to stumble back to his room, no matter how much he called you you never returned to his side. You were gone, all because he was to late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanji Vinsmoke

“What happened to her? (Y/n)!”, Sanji yelled caressing your face as you slept.

Your body was covered in bruises and cuts from your recent fight with Niji, you had snuck onto the Germa ships to find Sanji and drag him back but unfortunately you had ran into one of his monster brothers. Reiju had stopped her beastly brother from killing you but you presence on the ship didn’t go unnoticed, Judge was now aware of you and he wasn’t happy. Reiju allowed you to stay in her room with Sanji but Judge had other plans for you.

“(Y/n) you idiot. You should’ve stayed with the others back on the Sunny.”, Sanji sighed holding your hand in his, you woke up seeing him softly kiss your knuckles.

“Takes an idiot to know one. Come back stupid, I miss you.”, you sighed turning to him.

Sanji frowned at you but he couldn’t help but smile seeing you awake. You were such a handful, always had been and always would be but that’s what he loved about you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead making you smile but once again you both forgot that you were prisoners to the family. Sanji carried you back to his room and kept you there by his side, you both softly whispered to each other declaring your love like children. Having you in his arms again made Sanji forget about his worries, all he needed was you and that’s all he wanted. Eventually sleep claimed you both but you both slept comfortably together sharing dreams that a promising future would hold. The next day Sanji was forced to meet Big Mom. He hoped that you’d be left alone in his quarters but hope was for fools, while he was gone one of the soldier’s had slipped a sleeping drug into your food and dragged you down to the dungeons.

“(Y/n), I’m back. Have you eaten I’ll make yo-(Y/n)? (Y/n)?!”, Sanji’s blood ran cold seeing you missing, you couldn’t move around with your injuries which meant someone had taken you. He raced through the halls of the ship searching for you desperately, not one soldier told him where you were but a feeling in his chest told him exactly where you were. His legs carried him to the dungeon chambers but he found himself unable to even open the door. Memories of the caged abuse he went through drove a cold sweat through his body, but he had to save you. He swallowed his fears and opened the door but his fears were realized when he heard your voice scream his name. He hurried, he rushed, as quickly as he could but he was seconds to late. With his father looming over your battered body Sanji was forced to watch the spear pierce through your back,

“S-sanji.”, you cried as the injury killed you instantly, your outstretched hand fell to the ground as you passed away.

“Why failures stick together I will never know, but at least there’s one less of you vermin.”, Judge growled pulling his spear from your corpse as he turned around to see his mortified son, “It’ll teach you better then to let fools get in the way of my goals.”

He simply scoffed at him and walked back up the stairs while Sanji fell to his knees just inches away from your body. “(Y-y/n)...(y/n).”, Sanji croaked holding the hand that you had been reaching for him with.

“(Y/n)!”, he screamed to no one in the cold depressing dungeon as he pulled your body towards his chest to hold you.

He sobbed into your hair, crying until his voice ran dry. Sanji couldn’t accept this, “Not like this, p-please not like this. Not her!”, he begged staring down at your bruised face that still looked like a beautiful Angel in his eyes.

“(Y/n) please don’t leave me. Not like this my dear.”, he whimpered pressing his forehead against yours.

This dungeon had caused him so much pain and now it was the place that had taken you from him. Why did life have to hate him so much? To be married off to a stranger, to be taken from his crew, and worst of all to lose the only woman he had wanted to marry. His family brought him nothing but agony, he cried until exhaustion forced him to sleep. Reiju was ordered to fetch him for dinner but the sight of her younger brother asleep against the wall while holding your dead corpse was enough to move her to tears. He truly did love you but now you were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yonji Vinsmoke

From the start Yonji knew that his father hated your existence, but Yonji just couldn’t help it. He had fallen for you, the way his name rolled of your tongue and past your sweet soft lips made him crave your presence. The way you reached your small hands up to him to hold his face in your hands made his heart face, but your eyes, your beautiful passionate shimmering eyes made him fall head over heels for you. Even when he was disrespectful towards others Yonji would always keep an eye on you smiling when he saw you doing the simplest of tasks. The prince that loved a peasant what a cliche love story. Even if he was a genetically modified human in your eyes he was just him, and you were just the perfect normal little human girl.

“Prince Yonji I made cookies today. Would you lik-oh heehee.”, you giggled watching Yonji eat the cookie from your fingers.

His crumb covered lips pressed against your cheek making you smile, but your soft moment together was spoiled by the all to familiar scoff of Lord Judge. The tall giant glared down at you while you sheepishly smiled up and greeted him, Yonji scowled at his Father’s glare and wrapped his arm around your waist protectively.

“Keep moving old man.”, he growled much to Judge’s disgust.

Cosette called you back to the kitchen, you excused yourself hesitating to give Yonji a kiss in front of his father but the green haired man wouldn’t let you leave without a proper kiss. As soon as he got his kiss he let you go, your face flushed red and smiling as you returned to your duties.

“Why you bother with a failure like her irritates me, you deserve a princess not a dirty servant Yonji.”, Judge growled down to his youngest son.

Yonji scoffed in annoyance to his father and simply walked away leaving his father to his own complaints. Judge decided that if you were the one his son wanted then he’d modify you so that you were actually useful to the family. Every night you would come to find Yonji and kiss him goodnight, it was a ritual that he became dependent on but tonight you didn’t show up. Far past midnight sleep was finally beginning to take over his body but he tried to stay awake hoping that you’d just been busy with chores. He woke up angry the next day because of your absence and went to search for you to give you a piece of his mind but no one had seen you. You always presented yourself to work even if you were exhausted or sick meaning something had happened to you. Yonji growled under his breath knowing that his father had something to do with it. One of the doctors appeared before him asking for his presence in the dungeon chambers, Yonji didn’t want to bother with it but his father was waiting for him. Just entering the room he could hear torturous screams resonating from down below, his father must’ve been furious.

“What do you want old man?”

His father simply pointed into one of the screaming cages and smiled, “Now she’s worthy of you. A soldier ready to give her life for you.”, he chuckled.

That’s when Yonji saw it, his eyes widened in shock seeing your blood stained body killing a prisoner. You held the knife above your head ready to kill them but Yonji’s hand caught your wrist as he called your name. You responded but the look in your eyes was enough to tell him what had happened. Cold, lifeless, dead (e/c) eyes, looked into his there was no spark in them anymore.

“What did you do to her!?”, Yonji growled sending his mechanical arm right to his fathers face.

Judge was unimpressed by his son’s rage and pushed his hand away, “Simply made her worthy of you. An annoying woman like her wasn’t fit to be a love interest for one of my precious sons but with her genetic enhancements now she is. Surprisingly she was able to stay sane for about 7 hours before the electrical charges finally fried what little brain cells she had. The only sacrifice was her mental sanity, her emotions, and her heart. She’s the perfect little puppet now.”

Yonji’s face dropped to the news of your torture, he turned to your frozen form and kiss your lips hoping that you’d react, hoping that it wasn’t true but nothing happened. Your cheeks didn’t heat up, your eyes didn’t sparkle with love, you didn’t call his name sweetly, he lost you.

“REVERSE IT! REVERSE THE EFFECTS RIGHT NOW!”, Yonji ordered holding your head softly in his hands.

“She’d really die this time, if we bothered trying. This is how she stays if you want her by your side, once you’re tired of her dispose of her. She’s no longer human she’s just an empty shell.”

Yonji couldn’t believe it, he held you calling your name over and over until you responded but you never did. You never made a noise you were just silent. “N-no...(Y/n)...n-not like this. Please not like this come back to me.”, Yonji pleaded through his tears but from then on it would never be the same.

[wherethewordsare]

Heyo! For the prompt list could you do either 20, 23, 29, or 33? I love you and hope your day gets better!!

Hi nonny! Uh, this is... super late? like.... SUPER LATE! That bad day kind of turned into a couple of months. Woops? I hope you might still be interested in this? So...

Also some warning, cw: blood, injury and coma. Modern au. <3 thanks for reading

Also!! thank you @witcher-and-his-bard for reading over this for me TT~TT <3

20. You’re in a coma and I confess all my feelings only for you to wake up.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, sorry!!” Jaskier panted into the phone. Geralt could hear him move around someone as he sprinted. 

“I thought we said 3?” He was teasing. He knew Jaskier was going to be late, he always was. That’s why he told him 3 for a 3:45 movie. 

“I know I know, I just lost track of time! I’m coming across the street now,” There was a scuffling sound like Jaskier nearly tripped.

“Which one?” Geralt spun around slowly, looking across the busy road. 

“Tenth,” there was a hard huff. 

Geralt turned to see a bright jacket sleeve waving at him and he chuckled as he closed his phone. He had been looking at Jaskier but the flash of green caught his eye as a car ran the stale yellow.

Right as Jaskier stepped out into the street. 

“Jask-” Geralt was running before he could stop himself, the loud thud of breaks ringing in his ears as he leapt over jersey wall, his phone already dialing 911.

--

Three broken ribs, a head injury, internal bleeding, and a list of other minor fractures and bruises a mile long. Geralt sat in an uncomfortable chair, his leg bouncing anxiously as he listened to the doctor in a daze. 

Jaskier was going to be fine. 

He was going to live but there would be a time for recovery and he would need help for a little while. But he was going to live. It was the only thing Geralt clung to as the doctor saw himself out. They had induced a coma for the time being, just to keep him still long enough to get a good look at him, giving his body time to hold still long enough for the scans and tests. The doctor had said that he would come to in his own time but Geralt could always come back later if he wasn’t up to waiting.

He was resolutely not going anywhere. 

He pulled the chair closer to the hospital bed, looking Jaskier over and wincing. There was a nasty cut to his forehead that had left much of his face bruised and the fracture in his wrist would stop him from playing for at least a couple months. He was going to be furious. 

The thought of an angry and pouting Jaskier at not being able to play music made Geralt chuckle a little. He was going to be hell to put up with. 

The thought tightened his chest and he leaned his head against the edge of the bed, sighing. 

“You put me, of all people as your emergency contact?” Geralt asked, not expecting Jaskier to respond. “Though, to be fair, you’re mine too.” He crossed his arms, leaning his chin against it so he could watch Jaskier’s face. 

“You’d think that might mean something, but I don’t-” He looked away, letting the beeps of the heart monitor chirp at him rhythmically. Even in a near coma, Jaskier was filling up the silence that Geralt left behind when he couldn’t find the words. 

“I was planning on maybe seeing if it might have meant something,” he confessed, rubbing at the stubble on his cheek. “Was starting to think maybe I could start letting…” he shrugged, looking back at Jaskier. “You’d be so mad right now if you knew I was actually trying to talk about something at length and you weren’t even awake to hear it.” 

Geralt pushed up from the bed, leaning back into the chair. He covered his face with both hands and groaned. 

“You gotta help me here, Jaskier. I’m not good with words, you know I’m not. But I nearly-” He swallowed thickly before taking a shaky breath. “I saw you get hit by a car today and all I could think was ‘It’s too late, I’ve lost him and he’ll never know,’” he hung his head, reaching out with one hand and tentatively wrapping it around Jaskier’s. 

“You were almost gone and I’ve wasted so much time not saying anything.” The fear he had pushed down earlier, the adrenaline that had launched him into action seemed to buzz under his skin again and he felt like he would shake apart with it. “Jaskier, I’ve loved-” he wet his lips, staring at the floor. “I love you, I have for a really long time and I need to tell you because I can’t-” he squeezed Jaskier’s hand lightly. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you and you never knew.” 

Geralt slouched forward, all his energy draining as he said it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the aching that sinched in around his ribs. There were fingers in his hair, brushing back the strands that had fallen out of his ponytail when he had fidgeted with it in the waiting room. They pressed gently into his scalp, nails dragging over his skin. It was a comfort he hadn’t realized he had needed. 

There were fingers in his hair. 

There were-

Geralt sat up quickly, looking at the bed. Through the bruising and the swelling, and the low shitty light of the hospital, Jaskier was giving him a small tired smile. 

“Hey there, you,” he rasped, wincing. 

“Uh-” Geralt fumbled for the water on the side table the nurse had brought, his fingers struggling to hold the straw steady for Jaskier.

He watched as his friend took a tentative sip, grimacing as the straw brushed against his split lip, but he still smiled up at Geralt. His eyes were glassy and his hair was a mess from where they had haphazardly washed out the blood. He was a ruin of his former self and it made Geralt want to crawl into the bed beside him and curl around him and make sure nothing like this ever happened again. 

“I know,” Jaskier said simply, the small chuckle he tried for died with a groan but his hand reached blindly for Geralt’s. “Well, that is to say, I had hoped but I thought I’d give you time to say it yourself.” His features seemed over soft with pain killers. But his fingers held around Geralt’s with a vice grip. 

“What?” 

“I love you, too. I’m sorry I was late to the movie,” he hummed, his eyes closing again for a moment. He looked like he was trying to gather his thoughts together.

“I- What?” Geralt repeated. His face felt hot and he was suddenly aware of how close he had been sitting to the bed. 

“I said I’m sorry I was late to-” 

“No, the other thing. Before that.” Geralt leaned in, his eyes searching Jaskier’s face. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I love you too, always have.” Even through the pain and the drugs and the day from hell, Jaskier of course had found the words so much more easily than Geralt could have thought possible. 

He crawled into the bed next to Jaskier, careful not to jostle him too much. That tension in his chest released the moment Jaskier’s head hit his shoulder, an arm bulky with bandages and gauze came around his middle, pulling him closer. 

Geralt pressed his nose into Jaskier’s hair, ignoring the distinct hospital smell as he hummed, letting himself settle for the first time since the accident.

“You weren’t late,” he started to chuckle.

“What?” Jaskier was starting to slip back under the meds and Geralt could feel him shake himself back awake enough for this. 

“I lied. The movie was at 3:45. You would have been just in time,” He kissed Jaskier’s temple gently, curling around him.

“Leave it to you to start our relationship like this,” Jaskier slurred. He was out before Geralt could say anything to that. So he stayed and waited, keeping Jaskier safe in his arms.  

[nyxdelanuit]

How Far is Too Far (Mammon x Reader)

Sooo this was supposed to be fluff for @miiyaatsumu​ and my ideas got carried away, I’m so sorry TT^TT BUT A PART TWO WILL BE COMING FOR THIS! AND SOON!!!

You had returned to the human world a few months ago—your familiar, mundane homeland. Where the sun shone upon your skin for the first time in a year, your friends and family gathered around you for tales of your year abroad. It was homey and safe… and boring. Even the relationships you had first missed during your time in the Devildom were lackluster, making you miss the people you had lived with for so long…

 It was an endless repeat of work, single-person meals, the silence of your home broken only by the television, and sleep. The only thing that broke the cycle was the times you indulged yourself in reading through your messages on your DDD, and every once in a while, the mark delicately set above your heart- Mammon’s- aching in the dead of night. You wondered every now and then if it was a manifestation of your longing or maybe, just maybe, Mammon was calling for you as much as you wanted to call for him.

None of your other pacts hurt, not like this. A tingle every few weeks, maybe, the ghost of a touch in response to your fingers tracing the delicate lines when you were lonely. Sometimes, when the ache grew and resonated in your chest, you gave in. You tried and tried to call Mammon, your first man. He said he’d be there if you needed him, and when it felt like the air was thickening in your lungs, like you were trying to breathe at the bottom of a lake, you did need him. But Solomon wasn’t here to lend his powers, and yours were locked behind something you couldn’t touch. So the ache sat, settled, festered like a wound.

 You had called into work, there was no way you could go through the motions. At the very least, you were able to shower, hoping to wash your feelings down the drain with the soap and dirt that had clung to you like it hadn't Devildom. Even now, you couldn't help but compare. You considered dressing up to boost your emotions by looking nice, but what would be the point? Without Asmo to hype you up, Levi calling you a normie with that adorable blush on his face… without Mammon telling you that you cleaned up good for a human.

 So you just slipped into the comfiest clothes you could find, and finally let yourself break. Sobs wracked your body, and the air refused to be pulled into your lungs. You were glad for once that you were all alone, that no one was here to watch you crumble apart as your arms desperately clung to your sides, attempting to hold the pieces together.

 Mammon's mark burned, and for the first time, you wished you didn't have it. You were sure it would burn through your skin, blaze a path straight down into your heart, and reduce it to embers. If it did, would you end up back in the Devildom? Would all of your suffering finally end? All you could hear was your ragged breaths, the blood pumping in your ears, and the banging of your heart in your chest.

 It hurt, it hurt so bad. If you knew a pact could hurt this much, you would never have agreed. But the banging you thought had been your heart against your ribs was really a desperate pounding of your door before it splintered, the action shocking you into silence. Had one of your neighbors heard, called some emergency number? Were you really sinking that low?

 But the tawny skin and shock of bright white hair told you differently. You had called, so many times, so desperately, and when you could no longer handle it, he came. He stood, panicked in his demon form. He probably thought the worst when he felt your pull, but no one answered the door. The tears began anew as guilt bubbled in your stomach. Mammon had probably thought you were in danger- real danger. Instead of this… this tantrum you were throwing.

 Yet his face showed no relief once he finally found you. He still ran to you as if you were dying, still held you together as if you were truly breaking apart in front of him. Only after you were pressed against his chest, the warmth of him radiating under your trembling fingers, did your pact mark settle.

 You weren’t very aware of what was going on, where you were going. All you could focus on was his chest under your fingers, the thrum of his heart beating, and the words he said on repeat.

 “I’ve got ya, my human. The Great Mammon is here. I got ya, it’ll be alright.”

 Darkness draped over you and settled like a second skin. The air was crisper, colder. Nights in the Devildom always were. You could feel more here, breathe easier. It had scared you at first, how alive everything seemed here, but now your realm just felt too dead. Mammon didn’t let you down, barely even adjusted you as he made his way quickly through streets that were becoming more and more familiar.

 You felt it before you saw it, the looming building radiating more comfort to you than even your childhood home. It was strangely quiet, even for this time of night, but that made sense once Mammon breached the front doors with a kick. All of the brothers stood in the foyer in varying degrees of anxiety, Levi being the worst. He had been pacing back and forth in front of the doors from the moment Mammon left. Lucifer was still the pinnacle of aloofness, nothing more than a frown on his face.

 “Mammon.” Lucifer’s voice echoed throughout the room, and to your surprise, Mammon didn’t even flinch.

 "I know, this is all my fault, and I'll take my punishment for it. But I couldn't leave her up there anymore. I know ya all have been feeling it, the pull at the pacts. She wanted me to come get her. That's my fault too, I missed her too bad, and she could feel it. So do what ya want with me, but don't take her back… Please." The brothers turned toward Lucifer, waiting for his decision, but he could only sigh. You were a sad sight in Mammon's arms, and it would be foolish to even try to send you back at this time of night.

 "We'll talk to Diavolo in the morning. Until then, let her get some rest. That includes the rest of you, there will be time to chat in the morning." You could tell the rest of the brothers weren't too happy about that, but you couldn't worry about them when Mammon's grip on you tightened, relief coursing through both of you that you would not be separated so soon.

 The brothers filed out, casting sad glances your way until it was only you and Mammon that remained. He took the steps two at a time, decidedly not turning down the hall to your room. You wouldn’t say a thing, even the meager distance your room provided would be too much tonight.

TAGLIST: @animefandomally​ @gokm1023​ @verdandi24-blog @moonsaye @zbops @beatific-drabbles

[birdy-bat-writes]

Lovesick

Word count: 1.9k

Summary: Damian wants to confess to you but he sees someone leaving your apartment. The night goes by with him trying to get a hold of his feeling and try to express them.

Warnings: Intense fluff and some cheesiness.

Pairing: Damian x Gender-neutral reader

Thanks. @anothertimdrakestan for last night’s conversation that inspired this and thank you @animefangurl1981 for calling me a “fluffy bitch” because you were right :) Enjoy some fluff people!!!

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Today was the day. Damian Wayne decided he was going to tell you how he felt about you. He didn’t know what prompted him to do something like this tonight, out of the blue but he was ready to. He didn’t take a car, just began walking to your building. The walk turned into a jog when it started to drizzle and then rain. He reached the gate, butterflies in his stomach, and then he saw you hugging a man. The butterflies now felt like bullets striking into him. Who is that?

"You sure you don't want me to drive you there?" He heard you ask. Damian’s heart shattered.

"Stop worrying I'll be fine. I'll text you when I get home." Damian turned away with an ache in his chest and just stood there in the pouring rain. The man’s car passed through the gateway and he glowered at its tires as it drove away. He marched around the building and paced around the lobby for maybe the thirty minutes. The heat radiating off of his body from sheer anger was enough to keep the cold at bay.

"What are you doing out here?!" He turned to find you in your pajamas, brightly colored rain boots and a big umbrella over your head. He had thousands of thoughts going through his head and he wanted to scream, shout, say anything. He wanted to confess, demand to know who just left your apartment and scream at the sky all at once but for some reason, the ability to speak flew out the window as soon as he saw you standing in front of him wide eyed, concerned and confused. He didn't like seeing you upset or worried in any way, and in his head and heart, that took priority over what he had to say. He realized he had been standing there for nearly 10 seconds without saying a word, so he mustered up to the strength to say something when, "You are going to catch a cold, you absolute Muppet!" You grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him up the stairs. "Its 40 degrees Fahrenheit! And raining! What are you doing here and why didn't you come up to the apartment? You’re soaked." The questioning continued all the way up with only short, curt answers from him. His voice softened slightly when you stopped talking and just looked at him with genuine worry.

"I'm fine, Y/N I just wanted to see you. I got stuck in the rain." There was way more to that than he was letting on and you knew it. He even knew that you knew it, but the great thing about being best friends is that you knew when not to pry, and you both knew that when he was ready, he would tell you. Right now, your main concern was getting him out of these wet clothes and into something warmer. You appeared in front on him with a towel in hand.

"Take off your shirt."

"What?" Evidently, you didn’t realize how that sounded.

"Actually, just go have a warm shower, you already look like you've caught a cold." You handed him the towel. Everything from the way he stood stiff as a board to the way he couldn't meet your eyes gave away his intense agitation. With a softer voice, you continued, "I’ll leave some dry clothes on the bed. After that we can watch movies or just talk. What are we feeling tonight? Chinese take-out? Italian?" The corners of your mouth turned up a little at the end. It was clearly contagious because he looked up a little and said with a slight smirk,

"Y/N, who would pick Chinese over Italian?" You smiled back at him and walked off to place the order while he walked over to your bathroom. It wasn't until the warm water hit his skin that he realized how cold he really felt. Most people think and let their mind wander while they shower but all Damian needed right now was to clear his head. A good 20 minutes later, he stepped out and saw a black sweatshirt and a pair of gray sweatpants on your bed, complete with a pair of rainbow tube socks. He shook his head in amusement, knowing that you picked the rainbow ones on purpose. After getting dressed, he stepped in front of the mirror and raked his fingers through his still wet hair, taking notice of how familiar this sweatshirt looked. Deciding not to dwell on it, he made his to the living room.

"Good news, the Italian place delivers so it should be- why is your hair still wet?"

"Tt, it will dry soon enough." You just looked at him blankly and sighed. He watched you walk right past him and into your bedroom and return with a hairdryer and his damp towel in hand. You motioned for him to sit down on the couch and plugged the dryer into the outlet.

"We can watch 101 Dalmatians if you want" He scrunched up his face while you jostled the towel around his head. It was actually quite funny.

"We can watch anything you want." You turned the dryer on and hovered it over his head, making sure to gently hold his forehead so hair didn't fly on it.

"Lion King then, also, I think you have a fever. Your forehead is warm."

"It’s probably the heat from the dryer you're feeling."

"Deny it all you want, but remember if I don't take care of you, Alfred will. There's no escape." His body relaxed slightly, and you took this opportunity to lay his head back against your stomach, lightly combing through his dark locks with your fingers.

Ever since Damian saw that man, he had been a little broken. Nothing felt right with the world. The world was right when you would hug him and hold on tighter when you thought he would let go, and when you laughed so hard you would stumble, the world was right when you were with him and when he was with you because you were, are and will always be his world. Things still weren't clear, and he didn't yet have the courage to ask about the man, but for now, your hands in his hair and your sarcasm were enough to bring him comfort. You turned off the dryer when his hair was dry and combed the front slightly to the side. When you moved in front of him to admire your work, you had to bite back a laugh. His hair wasn't in its usual tame form, but instead slightly wavy and very fluffy, with tufts of it sticking up in every direction.

Eventually you couldn't hide your laughter which caused Damian to toss a pillow at you!

"Alright, what did you do to my hair?"

“I dried it!” He started walking up to holding another pillow when the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell.

You laid the food out on the table and picked up your boxes, opting to eat in front of the TV. Damian took the spot next you with his food and started flipping through networks until he found Disney+. Various dramatizations of Hakuna Matata, and a few “Fight me’s” later, you both put away your boxes and sat back down. He noticed the way you huddled close to him and pulled a blanket over the two of you. Warmth coursed through your body and you felt yourself relax. He expected you to move away but instead, you rested one arm on his chest and pulled your body closer to his. "Dami, are you okay?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just didn't seem yourself today."

"Y/n, who's clothes are these?"

"The sweatpants are my brother's and the sweatshirt is yours actually. Well, was yours. It's mine now."

"Hold on, mine?"

“It was that one time we had dinner at your place, when my shirt tore. And I was hiding upstairs so no one would see it and then you came and asked me what was wrong and when I told you, you gave me this. When I wore it, you took me back downstairs and complained-"

"That no one there was fun to talk to except for you." You breathed out and smiled against the soft material of the sweatshirt.

"I offered to give it back once, but you told me I could keep it. I love this thing." You couldn't see it but Damian was looking down at you with a smile. How can a person be so cute? No wonder that man was here. Anyone would fall for you.

"Y/N, there was a man here earlier, right?" You raised your head up in question.

"Yeah. My brother stopped by today for lunch." Hold the phone. Brother?!

"Your brother...?"

"He’s going on a business trip tonight, so he spent some time here before he left. How did you know?"

"I saw his car leave." He sniffled. Oh my gosh it made sense now! If you were seeing someone you would have told him. There was nothing for him to worry about now.

"Y/N-"

"I'll be right back." you said, getting up. A few short minutes later, you arrived with a thermometer, cough drops, cold medicine, tissues and vapo- rub.

"Ok, put the vapor rub on your chest, and say ah."

"This is undignified."

"I could always call Alfred." With and eye roll, he opened his mouth. 100 degrees.

"You have a fever." To be honest, he had a bit of a headache, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. And he had tissues for the leaking nose. In all honesty, Damian did not want to admit that he was sick, nor that he got sick because of his stubbornness and silliness. "You're spending the night over. Want me to put some spare blankets in the guest Room?"

"I appreciate it, but you don't have to do all of this. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but you don't have to all the time. And besides you'd do the same for me if I was sick. Plus, more scolding and more blankets." Your generosity always astounded him. You were one of the few people who didn't make help seem like charity and he trusted you enough to be vulnerable around you because you never made him feel weak. You always lifted each other up, and he loved that.

"Thank you."

“You're more than welcome." You said, dabbing some vapor rub on his nose and hugging him once more.  His hand instinctively went up your head and stroked your hair.

"Y/n do you like someone?"

"Yeah, do you?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

“Who?”

"I asked you first!" It wasn't normal for him to pull a card like that.

"Ok, pinky promise, I'll tell you if you me." He just looked at your hand on his chest, uncurled your fingers and slide them between his, gently rubbing the side of your thumb.

"You."

"Really?" He felt your voice shake and stopped.

"Who's yours?"

"You." The two of you sat there in an exasperated silence. You were both happy and speechless. The silence was broken by a sneeze, courtesy of Damian. "Bless you."

"I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“You didn’t tell me!”

“How long?”

“A while. How about you?”

“Long enough to fall in love with you.”

"I probably love you more." You challenged, blushing.

"Not-" your lips were on his. He let himself melt into you. The kiss was slow but deep, conveying the years of yearning and love you had for one another. Then his better judgement kicked it and he pulled away. "You'll get sick."

"I don't care, I just really had to kiss you."

"Oh god, you're so cheesy.”

"You love it, love bug."

"No." He laughed out.

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Taglist: @anothertimdrakestan

[inseongsfoxybae]

My human kitten

Pairing: Boyfriend Zuho + Female Reader; established relationship

Genre: Fluff + a pinch of angst

Warnings: None

Words: +1,2k

Requested by @daeunhye: [...]  so, i'm thinking about requesting about a scenario when Juho and his gf almost got into a fight because of a misunderstanding but quickly reconcilliated because his cats (Huru and Pang/Komppang) suddenly broke something then they laughed and scolded the cats instead of fighting [...]

Author’s message: Hey, babe! Your sweet request is finally here hehe. I was so soft while writing it, so I hope you like it and enjoy readint ti. Thank you so much for this request, Chel, really! Love you, cutie ❤❤ Foxy kisses 😘

P.S: As english is not my mother language, it may contain misspelled. Also, sorry for any other mistakes :)

Synopsis: Your cats did a mess, but your love can deal with everything :3

look at this cute pie 🥺

You were having a stressful day at work, your mind racing like crazy and you couldn’t wait until your shift was over, so you could grab your things and rush to your boyfriend’s arms. 

Juho sent you a message and at the slightest buzz of your phone made your heart skip some beats at the thought of him caring for you even with his busy schedule. 

Baby, can you buy some cat food before going home? I’ll leave work a bit later today TT

You couldn’t help the small smile tugging up on your lips, though your heart ached a bit with his delay tonight. 

You knew all the favorite foods of your kittens, but seeing so many options made you want to buy some new flavours for them, to help them to grow up stronger and with a diversified appetite. 

Okay, baby, don’t worry. I’ll wait for you for dinner <3, you answered, reaching for your purse before heading to the nearest market. 

As soon as your feet stepped into your apartment, Huru and Pang ran to you, rubbing their little faces and fluffy fur on your legs. 

“Hey, babies! Mom is here with new delicious food for you. Wanna try them while daddy’s not at home”, you patted their heads, chuckling at how his ears perked up at the mention of food. 

They followed you into the kitchen, curious eyes watching you poured the soft ration on their bowls. As your kittens smelled and ate their portions, you heard the keys open the door and heavy footsteps entered your house. Apparently, your boyfriend finished work earlier than planned.

“Hi, love”, Juho smiled at you before getting closer to softly kiss your lips, your sweet “hey” against his mouth. “I see our babies are devouring their food already… Wait, what’s this cat food?”, he inquired analyzing the packaging on top of the island. 

“I thought it would be good for them to try different flavours, so I bought this new one”, you simply answered, watching as how Juho expression changed abruptly. 

“Y/N, you know they always eat the same brand. It was their vet recommendation. Why did you change it?”, Juho questioned you with anger in his eyes. 

“Ju, it’s now a poison, it’s just something different. They won’t die because of this”, you started to get mad too, all your stress hitting you. 

“How do you know that? They could be sick and only God knows what could happen to them after this…”, Juho snorted, reaching for their bowels and throwing the food away. 

“Why did you do that?”, you exclaimed. 

“My cats won’t eat this”, his deep voice was higher now, his tall frame towering over you. 

You were about to complain when the sound of something breaking filled the room. Both of you turned only to see Huru and Pang playing with each other next to a broken vase - the expensive vase Juho’s grandmother had given to you when you moved in together. 

“Shit”, you whispered in disbelief, your breath hitching your throat as your eyes wandered between the broken piece and your boyfriend’s shocked face. 

“Oh no, my parents are gonna kill me… this was a family heirloom… Baby, what do we do?”, he reached out for your hands, desperately waiting for a miracle to happen. 

“I fear we can’t make anything, bae. It's in a thousand pieces now”, you carefully said, trying not to freak him out. 

Juho groaned and turned to stare at your kittens dumbfounded, those big brilliant eyes acting like nothing happened. 

“Baek Huru and Baek Komppang, come here!”, Juho called them with a serious expression. “Look what you’ve done…”, he pointed to the broken vase all over the floor. “Do you know how precious this vase was to our family? It was a special gift my grandma gave to me and to your mommy and now you broke it and act like it was nothing?”, he exclaimed exasperated. 

You could feel his disappointment, but your heart couldn’t ignore when he referred to you as their mommy, jumping in joy at this small word. You got closer to him and put a hand over his shoulder, trying to calm him down. 

“It’s okay, Ju. There’s nothing else we can do now. Take our cats to their beds, I’ll clean this mess”, you softly said. “And you guys… No more messing around today, okay? Go to sleep before your dad scolds you again”, you looked straight to their eyes and they got the message, heading to their place as Juho followed them.

You took the shovel and the broom and focused on gathering all the pieces to avoid causing any accident afterwards, humming a random song while doing the task. Once everything was clean and you turned around, you found your boyfriend looking at you with loving eyes, a small grin on his lips. 

“What?”, you asked, smiling back. 

“Can't I admire my woman's beauty?”, he wondered, getting closer to you. “Give me, I throw this in the trash”, he took the objects out of your hands and did the rest of the job. 

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier”, Juho murmured when he heard your footsteps enter the kitchen. “I didn’t mean it”, his guilty eyes met yours and you couldn’t help the small smile forming on your lips. 

“I know, Ju. You don’t need to worry about it”, you approached him, watching a little pout growing in his mouth. You cupped his face between your hands and pulled him closer, feeling the warmth of his arms wrapping around your waist. “Let’s take a shower together and cook dinner?”, you asked, nose brushing his as he only hummed in response. 

You took a relaxing shower together, scrubing each other’s body, massaging each other’s scalp and playing with bubbles, your giggles filling the bathroom. 

“Y/N”, Juho called you while drying your hair with a towel, cupping your cheeks and admiring your face. “You’re my special kitten, you know?”, he said softly, both of you smiling.

“Why are you like this all of the sudden?”, you asked, burying your face on his neck, cheeks burning with shyness and love. 

“Because you’re the cutest girlfriend I could ask for and I love more than anything”, he squished your cheeks again. 

“More than Huru and Pang?”, you looked at him playfully suspicious. 

“More than Huru and Pang”, he confessed, chuckling at your surprised eyes. 

“Well, I love you too”, you whispered, eyes closing as Juho kissed your forehead. 

After that, you ate something and went to bed to watch some random videos while talking about your day. You loved listening to Juho bumbling about his routine and the songs he was working on and about his love for all his loved ones: your cats, family, members, friends, Fantasys, you.

And you loved to play with his thin fingers during these moments, your head resting on his chest, his heart steadly beating against your ear. The rise and fall of his rib cages making you feel loved, secure and relaxed, your eyes slowly getting heavier and your mind cloudy, 

You fell asleep right there, snuggling closer and deeper into his body as you felt his arms embracing you warmly. Juho smiled seeing your small sleepy pout, melting in love for you. 

“Good night, my little human kitten”, he mumbled, sweetly kissing the crowd of your head. 

“Night, bae”, you sleepy murmured back, nuzzling your face on his chest. 

Juho chuckled softly and closed his eyes,  quickly falling asleep with you in his arms. And he knew: as long as he has you beside him, everything is going to be alright. 

[bldreamer]

You See Me Bare | TT

TharnType:

Summary: Type takes care of Tharn.  Genre: Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Ep 12 tag. Missing Scene. Warnings: None?

A/N: Extra special thanks to @kdramama xo

It’s almost three in the morning and Type is staring at the ceiling. Face throbbing something fierce. Thoughts buzzing around in his head.

Tharn is laid beside him, curled under the covers, one hand clinging to Type’s fingers even in sleep. It’s like he’s afraid if he lets go, he’ll be forced to let go forever.

Type lets out a slow breath. He has a lot of making up to do. A lot of trust to rebuild. Tharn won’t hold anything against him for long. He’s too good for that. Too pure. But Type will do better in any case. For Tharn, whos been forced to lose so much in his life. Type will make up for each and every soul Tharn is missing.

Even Lhong.

Because as much as he loathes the man with every fiber of his being. For his selfishness and his twisted imitation of love. For the pain and anguish he’s caused Tharn over the past four years. He was still Tharn’s best friend, his unwavering shadow. And now he’s gone. Another missing piece to add to Tharn’s broken collection of voids.

The thought alone almost makes Type question whether or not he did the right thing. He knows Lhong deserves every bit of misery the world has to spare. Type only wishes he could have spared Tharn the heartache that came with exposing him.

Tharn twitches next to him, his breath hitching in his sleep.

Type turns to lay on his side. He reaches his free hand out to brush Tharn’s fringe back. His skin feels warm. A little clammy.

“Ssh,” Type whispers in the dark, cupping his face gently.

There are dark smudges under Tharn eyes, frown lines even in his sleep. Type’s chest aches because he knows he put them there. On Tharn’s beautiful face. He put those ugly marks there.

A tear falls from Tharn’s closed eyelid and falls over his nose.

Type brushes it away with his thumb. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” he whispers, a lump building his throat. “I don’t think I can stand it again.”

Type never understood this kind of love before. The kind people write songs and sonnets about. The kind where people say they’d rather suffer unbearable agony for a thousand years than watch their loved one shed a tear for even a second.

Type always thought it was some kind of myth.

Until Tharn.

Until he got on his knees and begged. Begging him not to go. He’d do anything. It was then Type knew he’d do anything in return. Anything for Tharn. Including letting him go.

A too warm hand tightens around his fingers. Tharn’s kiss bruised lips mumbling something unintelligible.

Type vaguely remembers once clinging to Tharn’s shirt, fingers gripping the white fabric, nails digging into Tharn’s skin. Begging him to help as his most horrid memories flashed through his unconscious. The only person that’s ever been able to comfort him had been his father before that day. He’s lost count how many times since Tharn has rubbed a soothing hand over his shoulder or muttered a kind word to get his mind off of something bugging him.

Type shuffles closer, tucking Tharn’s head under his chin. The pillow catches the bruises on his cheek but he doesn’t mind. It’s worth it when Tharn moves to fit perfectly into his chest. His hot breath next to his collarbone.

“I’m here,” Type promises, smoothing Tharn’s hair at the back of his neck. The warmth radiating from him. “I’m here with you.”

Type doesn’t think he’ll ever understand what he did to deserve such a person like Tharn. But he’ll stop questioning it. He’ll learn to let it be.

Type presses a kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll never leave again.”

Tharn’s breathing evens out, fingers loosening their grip. He shifts on the pillow and lets out a long sigh, damp blearing eyes blinking up.

Even in the dark, his face looks more flushed than it did five minutes ago. Type thinks about the first-aid still laid in the middle of the floor. The glass of ice now melted into cool water on the bedside table behind him.

“Tharn?” he whispers, gently waking him up the rest of the way. “Hey, Tharn?”

Tharn responds by tucking himself closer, laying on Type’s arm.

Type pulls away, puts a hand to his cheek. “Tharn, wake up a second.”

“Hmm, Ty-?”

“Mh, I need to get up.”

Tharn frowns, “Why?” he asks, voice thick with sleep.    

“I think you’re getting a fever,” Type explains. “I saw some medicine in the box earlier.”

Tharn shakes his head.

“If you get sick, it’ll be my fault.” Type moves to pull his arm out from under Tharn’s head. “Just let me get them.”

“Don’t leave,” Tharn pouts, tugging his hand closer under the covers.

Type smiles fondly. It’s so rare he sees this side of Tharn. The one that pouts and demands affection and care. He’s always so intent on giving it, he misses out on being the receiver. It’s another thing Type mentally adds to the list for the future.  

“I’m not leaving. It’s right there on the floor.” Type gestures to it.

“‘'m tired.”

Type huffs a quiet chuckle. “I know. But my fingers are starting to go numb and you’re sweaty.”

Sleepy Tharn always takes longer to think about things than regular Tharn. Sleepy feverish and emotionally bruised Tharn takes what feels like a lifetime to consider Type’s proposal. Eventually, he nods and gingerly lets go of the hand he’s had in a vice grip since they laid down.  

Type flexes his fingers -he wasn’t kidding about the numbness- and crawls to the end of the bed to reach for the first aid kit. He remembers Tharn insisting on getting one when they first moved in together. He thought it was a waste of money and told Tharn as much, complaining the whole way around the store. It seems so silly now.

He snaps the lid open on the box and taps out two pills into his hand after reading the recommended dose on the bottle inside. He’s been awake so long his eyes have adjusted to the moonlight coming in through their thin linen curtains.

“Here,” he says, holding a hand out. “Sit up and take them.”

Tharn pouts, bottom lip curling, head on the pillow meant to be Type’s.

Type sighs, shaking his head. “You’re really going to make me do it?” he asks, though it’s rhetorical.

He puts the pills next to the glass of melted ice and puts his hands under Tharn’s armpits to pull him up and against his chest.

“Here, you big baby,” he teases, wrapping an arm around Tharn and feeding him the pills one at a time, pushing them between his bruised lips before offering him the water to wash them down with.

Type presses a soft kiss to his mouth after he swallows, his nose nudging Tharn’s warm cheek.

Tharn’s fingers brush the fingerprints on his neck that have started to blossom in the last few hours. By morning his voice will probably sound like he’s chewed on gravel all night but what’s done is done.

“Does it hurt?” Tharn asks, catching his red skin. Eyes a little more alert.

Type tuts, pulling his hand away. “What do you think?”

He threads their fingers together, noticing how much bigger Tharn’s hands than his. He’s never noticed it before now. They’ve never held hands before now. Type refused, until now.

“Why did you just lay there?”

“I could have taken him, right?” Type smirks. He sighs when he sees the lingering pain in Tharn’s eyes. “That wasn’t the point. I was trying to get him to show his true colors. Not have me show mine.”  

“Mh.” Tharn nudges closer. “I couldn’t move.”

Type’s eyebrows knit together. “What?”

“I saw his hands around your neck and I couldn’t move. I tried. But it was like my feet were paralyzed. You just seemed so far away. So out of reach. If I’d have gotten there sooner-”

“You weren’t supposed to be there at all,” Type cuts him short. “Damn, Thorn.”

“I keep thinking, what if I was a second later, what if my feet had been a moment slower, and he picked up the rock before we could stop him.”

Type tuts and flicks in between Tharn’s eyes, earning him a half-hearted whine. “Idiot,” he mutters. “Stop thinking this is still your fault. If anything would have happened to me, it would have been my own responsibility.” He leans back against the headboard and pulls Tharn with him. “Besides, this will be the first and last time I lose a fight.”

“No more fights,” Tharn quickly says into his chest. “I’m tired of fighting.”

Type knows he isn’t just talking about physical punches. The words hang in the air like a thick fog. Making it hard to Type to breath.

“No more fights,” he promises, pushing Tharn’s hair back to feel his forehead. “Still warm,” he says. “Do you have a headache?”

Tharn slowly nods.

“Go to sleep. What is it they say? Everything will seem better by morning.” Type pulls the covers up and around Tharn’s shoulders.

“I love you,” Tharn whispers.

Type smiles.

Despite everything. It’s the one lesson Type is grateful for. The lesson in how much he loves Tharn. And Type knows he loves Tharn the most.

“I love you too,” he says.

It gets easier each time he does.

[lynnthevirgo]

Broken (Break Series) - Seokjin

WC: 1.7k

Summary: Seokjin didn’t want to believe you had left. How could he continue on without so much as a word from you?

Warnings: This might make you cry if you’re like me, so big, big, big, angst warning.

A/N:  This is a reupload. I had this under a different pen name, under a different account. If you found it then, yes, I will be continuing it on this account. This made me big sad to write, please someone request a part 2 TT-TT

Tags: @dreamescapeswriting​

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He sat in your quiet apartment, wondering when everything had started falling apart around him and he never noticed. It was unfair that he was left here surrounded by all your things, all the memories you’d made in the small, quaint apartment you’d shared. Why was he forced to be reminded that you were no longer here? How could you just walk out on him like this? 

Seokjin remembered coming with you to pick this place out. The way your hair looked wrapped up in the pink ribbon you only wore when you felt cute. Or how the curtains were drawn up on the large windows to let in the sunlight, making the small apartment feel open, warm and bright. You’d been bouncing around from room to room, just like a little kid, seeing everything brand new. He knew the minute you stepped inside that you had fallen in love with it.

He gets up from the battered armchair that came from your family home and heads to the alcohol cabinet. Almost as if on auto pilot he grabs two glasses and fills them both with ice before realizing his mistake. It takes him everything to swallow down the emotion building inside his throat. Slowly he drops the ice cubes from the second glass back into the small cooler and wipes the glass clean before placing it back in the cabinet. Grabbing the whiskey, he brings it with him to the kitchen island and pours a glass while he stands searching the rooms surrounding him for traces of you.

“My heart is drenched in wine, but you will be on my mind forever.” Your favorite song plays in the background on his phone. Stealing the last of his battery after hours of rereading the same messages over and over again from you. Wondering if what you said was true, how would he learn to get along like he used to? How could he when everywhere he looked was something to remind him of you.

“But I’ll be a bag of bones driving down the road alone.” The singer croons beside him as he drinks his whiskey on the rocks. The liquor burning his throat on the way down, a way to remind him that he is here, this is happening to him. He wonders if you’re alone as she sings, or if you’re with your sister. She’s the only one you let see you this vulnerable, aside from your best friend and him. 

He watches the memories of you in the living room move around in flashes and for a moment it’s like you’re really with him. You sit in front of the window seat with a book, the spine falling apart and frayed at the tips from years of you rereading it. The sunlight being the only light in the room and it hitting your face just right, making your usual neutral brown eyes brighten like honey gold. Your hair is up and out of your face, so nothing can disturb you from the world playing out in front of you on the yellowed pages.

Then you’re getting up, your outfit changing from bedtime sweats and an old t-shirt to a pair of jeans that hug your hips and legs with a crop top. Seokjin laughs to himself as he remembers you dancing wildly in the living room, pushing the chairs and furniture aside as you wave a colorful stick around to the beat of the song playing. Your hair falls out of the bun you put it in and you leave it fall round your shoulders, tendrils of your locks curling within each other in a haphazard mess. He laughs louder, the sight of you belting a song in his first language with all the wrong pronunciations and making up words as you go too much for him to hold it in.

He didn’t realize he had drank half the bottle until he stopped laughing long enough to really focus on pouring his glass again. The ice had melted long ago, he had been drinking it straight and it was getting harder to ignore the lump in his throat. He realized he was drinking to get it to go away and all it seemed to do was fuel the memories of you and increase it‘s size. Seokjin had been finding you deeper and deeper in the bottom of this bottle and it was killing him how alone it made him feel that you weren’t here.

Seokjin stares at the memory of you sitting in the armchair he was sitting in hours ago. 

“Why, y/n? Knowing how hard it is for me to be alone and you leave me here….why?” He asks you, his voice soft and on the verge of breaking. The emotions and his vision clouding his better judgment for what he’s doing.

“I love you so much, so much it hurts, Jagiya… You were everything and still are. ” Seokjin drops to the floor on his knees, his voice broken along with his pride.

“Every morning I‘d wake to find you in my arms, my own form of sunlight, warm and bright to help the day start off right.” He maintains eye contact with you as he crawls to the armchair slowly, swallowing more emotion as the tears start forming.

“Everything you touched you made better, my coffee, my whiskey, our shared closet and my entire life.” The tears are falling now, but he won’t let them blur the only image he has left of you.

“You were so, so pure and strong…everything I needed you to be when nothing seemed to be falling into place for me last summer.” Seokjin pulls himself back up to sit on his heels when he finds himself in front of you. The memory of you staring down at him with warm, sympathetic eyes and the calmest, happiest look on your face. 

He lowers himself down to bow in front of you and everything he’d been holding in until now breaks inside of him, like his heart did when you called him at work to tell him you were leaving. That when he came home he’d find an empty apartment and that it would be like you were never there. His heart had fallen to his stomach by then, but nothing he could’ve told you would’ve changed your mind. He knew that by the tone you were using, and the suitcase clicks in the background signified you were actually packing. You never waited for him to say anything, just said what you had to say and then hung up.

“Tell me why!! Tell me why I wasn‘t enough for what you needed! WHY COULDN‘T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING?!” He screams into the floor, his sobs ebbing through him with every breath he takes. 

“I‘m sorry, so sorry that I wasn‘t what you thought I‘d be. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you wanted to hear me say when you called, y/n?” Seokjin asks the floor in between broken cries of the hurt he feels inside his chest. 

Why does this hurt so much? Is that what they meant when they said you fall in love? Because that’s what it felt like, he was falling and falling with no landing place to catch him. For the first time he understood what they meant when they said 

‘You know it’s real when after it’s over, all you can feel is the hole of the space they used to hold.’ that’s the only reason why he knows you’re real. Why any of this happiness he had was ever real. Now that it’s gone, everything inside him feels hollow and cold, because it no longer holds the warmth and fullness you used to bring him.

He was so mad when he came home and now all he wants is your arms around him, fingers in his hair and your smile to make this hurt go away. Why couldn’t you be there to do that for him? How could something as perfect as what you two had disappear so fast without so much as a blink from him? Seokjin wanted to lay you down on the bed you two shared and kiss every inch of your skin, to remind himself of the way your salty skin tastes. To feel every line your body made, to drown himself in the scent of what had been the only thing he’d known for three years.

But you were gone. You had made it clear that you were leaving and you weren’t sure how long it would be when you came back. It had been made obvious there was a possibility that you might never come back and that felt horrible bouncing around his head. His life without you in it was too much pain for him to deal with. 

He chokes back another loud sob and whimpers instead at the hand pulling his heart in every direction known to man. With a handful of sniffles, he grunts and collects himself up off the floor and stares down at the memory of you. 

“Tell me why.” He orders, his stance firm and fists clenched so tight he could’ve been breaking skin.

“Why did you leave me?” He asks again, not really expecting an answer but getting one.

When you stand to face him, he almost melts within the scent surrounding you. His lip quivers with the emotion coming right back to torment him again over the ache you left behind.

“I‘m sorry” You tell him, your hand touching his chest so lightly he can’t feel a thing. Your words reaching his ears in a soft but calm whisper.

“You deserve so much better than I can give you.” You continue, this time your words making him sob because that’s what he just said to you moments ago.

“I hope you can be happier without me, but I will always love you like you‘ve taught me to love myself all these years. Please take care of yourself for me, Jinnie, I don‘t want to worry about you. It‘ll hurt enough to think of the memory of you.” Is the last thing you say before you fade away from him and he falls to the floor again.

Except this time he’s holding the phone that was in the kitchen. On the screen is the last messages you sent him and he’s crying like a small child who’s lost his childhood pet. His sense of security and companionship gone, your presence disappearing around him. This was not his home, this was not his life, he didn’t want any of it if he had to go through it without you.

[onewfantaesy]

My heart aches for taemin. Nobody deserves to be bullied like that but I can't imagine the absolute torture and frustration he must be feeling. Everything he's worked so hard for is all gone for no reason TT

After a while, Taemin starts to break a little bit. The bell for next period has already rang, but he’s standing in the second floor bathroom staring in the mirror with his backpack flung over his shoulder.

“Please let me go home,” he begs his reflection. “Please. This is hell. This is pure hell, let me go back.”

Then his reflection smirks back at his own cringing face and leans forward.

“No,” his reflection says. “You had everything I ever wanted. And now it’s mine, and I don’t plan on losing it.”

“But I did all the work!” Taemin screams at his reflection. “I trained for years, I debuted, I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into being an idol!”

Taemin is seething at the boy staring back at him.

“What did you do for it? Nothing. You did nothing!”

“Because I was in my own personal nightmare!” His reflection seethes back. “Now it’s your turn.”

“You’re exactly what they all say you are,” Taemin says quietly. “You’re a loser. You dreamed about being an idol but never actually worked for it. Wannabe.”

Taemin’s reflection is pissed, and his arms reach through the mirror to wrap his hands tightly around Taemin’s neck. He’s choking him and and screaming at him and telling him he gets to live in hell now, because the idol world is his.

“Have fun in this nightmare, because I’m never coming back!”

Taemin feels like he’s going to faint when he punches the mirror, shattering it to pieces. His reflection’s hands disappear from around his neck, and he falls to the floor gasping for air with shards of mirror sticking out from his knuckles.

He falls over, slumped on is backpack for a few moments before he slowly sits up and picks the pieces of mirror from his bleeding hand. Then, he walks to class with his hand still bleeding and hand-shaped bruises blooming on his neck.

He sits down in Jinki’s choir class five minutes later, hollowly apologizing for being tardy. He takes his usual seat between Kai and moonkyu, but Jinki is staring at him with obvious concern.

“Taemin?” Jinki calls softly. “Do you need to go to the nurse?”

“No,” he says in an emotionless voice. “I’m fine.”

Even his usual bullies look freaked out, staring at the bruises on his neck and whispering about who might have gone that far.

Jinki tells one of the more responsible students to keep an eye on everyone while Jinki escorts Taemin to the nurse.

“Please tell me what happened,” Jinki begs on the way to the nurse. “Who did this to you? What happened to your hand?”

“One of the mirrors in the boys bathroom is broken,” Taemin says. “Someone might want to clean it.”

That’s all Taemin says.

He doesn’t come to school the next day, but that Saturday, he finds Kibum at Starbucks and asks if he can hang out at his dorm when Kibum is done with his shift. Kibum says of course, buys Taemin a Frappuccino and a muffin, and keeps an eye on him. The bruises on his neck are still a sickening blue and black, and it worries Kibum. He also texts Jinki and Minho to be at the dorm when he brings Taemin back so they can really find out what happened.

And taemin tells them from the comfort of being curled up on kibum’s bed. Tells them how his reflection tried to strangle him, how he said he was never going to let Taemin go home, and taemin had a full on panic attack on kibum’s bed.

Kibum held him close, whispered how they were going to do everything they could to fix this, and Jinki and Minho were left to worriedly whisper to each other about how they could help Taemin.

For now, they just let Taemin spend the night, all four of them had a big sleepover in Kibum and minho’s dorm, and they watched movies and ate snacks and made sure Taemin felt safe and cuddled and secure. They also covered all the mirrors in the room, because Taemin was terrified to look at them.

[taeken-my-heart]

Independent {f} Chapter 13

Summary: Your mom calls you stubborn, your friends call you wild, and the boys you’ve left in your wake call you a frigid bitch.  You’ve built a life of independence and you like it that way. Kim Taehyung, however; seems to be able to change your mind.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: fluff, mild angst

Word Count: 19925

Notes/Warnings: This chapter has some angst, a few instances of self deprecation and the OC just being kind of mean to herself, but there is a light and growth at the end of that tunnel! 

Oh my goooosh. Tumblr has made the process of getting the draft on here so dang challenging. Please forgive me if there’s any choppiness or the layout is weird, I’ll be tightening it up over the next few days. 

**There is a read more linked but it doesn’t seem to be working and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m sorry! TT

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December brought with it, dark skies, chapped lips, and an accelerated time line. The semester was quickly coming to a close and you wanted to run head long into the winter break and get this misery over with. It had been almost a full week since you’d seen Taehyung and each day had brought a new wave of misery. 

For the first three days you’d woken to eyes crusted closed and a sore throat. Courtesy of all-night cry sessions. It didn’t help that Taehyung had decided to stop attending your Art History class and begin taking only office hours to help your classmates. There was a part of you that was happy you didn’t have to see him right now, since you were too busy licking your wounds; a bigger part of you that wished you could take back everything you said so you could see him again, and the biggest part of all that was more devastated with yourself. 

Why couldn’t you just be normal? Everyone else could date someone without freaking out, but you, no you were a mess. All you ever did was alienate people. You were probably better off on your own. You couldn’t hurt anyone if they couldn’t get close to you. You had too much baggage, anyway, who would want to saddle themselves up with that?

The library was quiet; every seat taken by a student in the throes of final exams panic. There were only 17 days left until the end of the semester and then you could throw yourself headlong into a project that didn’t remind you of your current misery. You were thankful, at least, that you were nearly done. As soon as you finished this paper your project for Art History would be done and then you only had three written finals to take. 

Anna sat across from you; hands fisted in her hair as she starred down at her book in despair. If you weren’t so out of it, you might have laughed. She looked the picture of stress; eyes bugged, brow pinched, a silent scream in the arch of her lips as she softly read back the words of the textbook that she couldn’t seem to commit to memory. 

The library door opening caught your attention and you glanced over to find Jimin entering slowly, vision trained on the tangled earbuds in his hands. You don’t know why or what possessed you, but suddenly you were jumping to your feet, making your way through the tables and over to the door. 

“Jimin.” You called softly. He glanced up at you, dark eyes lighting in recognition before he stopped, frowning. “Hi.” You said, stopping just in front of him and the corner of his lips lifted in a careful smile. 

“Hi.” He said, glancing around the room. This was not the place to talk, too many people trying to work. 

“Can we talk for a second?” You asked, motioning out the door to the empty hallway. He paused before nodding, pushing the door open behind him and allowing you to exit first. 

As soon as the door closed you watched him, fiddling carefully with the strings of his earbuds, and twisted your fingers together apprehensively. “How have you been?” You asked carefully. 

He shrugged, glancing up at you. “I’ve been ok. What about you?”

You glanced out the window into the dreary, cloud scattered sky. “Yeah, I, uh, I’ve been ok. Finals, you know?”

He nodded, studying you with pursed lips. “What’s up, Y/N? What do you really need?”

You frowned, staring down at your shoes, scuffed and still a little soggy from the snow. “I guess I was just wondering how Taehyung is.” You whispered. 

Jimin sighed and your frowned deepened. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. He’s pretty crushed. He hasn’t really been himself recently.” 

Your heart ached at the thought. Gorgeous, smiley, carefree Taehyung was hurting and it was all your fault. “I’m so sorry.” You whispered, tears beginning to burn your vision. 

“I can appreciate the sentiment, Y/N, but I’m not the one you should be talking to. I can’t receive apologies in his honor.” He replied and you were at least grateful that his tone was gentle. He was trying hard to be kind but honest and that wasn’t easy to do.

“I wish I could talk to him.” You admitted, looking up at Jimin through wet eyelashes. He shook his head gently. 

“I wouldn’t. It’s not the time right now. You really hurt him, Y/N. He’s an all or nothing kind of guy and when you rejected him, he took it really hard.”

“I didn’t mean to reject him.” You whispered, a tear escaping down your cheek and you brushed at it angrily. “I’m just scared.”

Jimin sighed, reaching out and patting your shoulder, “well, maybe talk to him when you’ve got things figured out. He’s not a test drive, though. You can’t just use him as practice and hope for the best, you know?”

You nodded, biting on your bottom lip to stifle a sob. “Will you please take care of him for me?” You whispered, looking up at him. “Help him be happy again.”

Jimin smiled, nodding. “Of course; he’s my best friend.” He glanced down at his watch, frowning, “I’m sorry, Y/N, but I’ve gotta meet with my study group, I’m already running a little late.”

“Of course.” You said, stepping off to the side. “Thank you, Jimin.” 

After checking your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you returned to the table, waving away Anna’s questioning look and staring back at your laptop. You had one more page to write and then you could allow yourself to return to your bedroom and cry in peace. You wouldn’t do it here. 

If your dad were here…well, he wouldn’t have any answers, he was bad at this sort of thing, but the thought of how he’d flounder trying to make you feel better made you smile. You missed him every day, but especially when you were sad because it reminded you that you were going through phases of life that he was missing. 

If he were here, things would be different. Maybe you wouldn’t even be at this school. You’d chosen it mostly because it wasn’t too far from home if you needed to go back for any reason. You’d always been adventurous and independent, though, so you may have gone somewhere much further away…if life had turned out differently. 

There was no use in dwelling on the what if’s, though. Life was what it was and you couldn’t change it; only your attitude towards it. Besides, right now you had finals to get through. Then…then you could focus on something new to distract you. 

Paris couldn’t come fast enough.

                                                             ****

The morning felt better already. The last 2 weeks had been horrible; for lack of a better word. When you weren’t pulling your hair out in the library you were stressing out about whether you’d see Taehyung in the hallways. You’d just finished your last final of the semester and felt…free. Now you only had to finish packing your suitcase and you could head home for a few days before flying out to Paris. 

The house was empty when you got there, dropping your bag by the doorway and sighing. Someone had turned on the electric fire and you shuffled your way to sit in front of it, outstretching your hands to warm them. 

You’d forgotten your gloves, which was dumb because it was the middle of December and stupidly cold. Glancing around the room, you sighed. You’d miss this house during the winter vacation. Even though you were coming back to the same house and same people for spring vacation, it was going to be different, you’d make new memories, meet new people, but there would be no Taehyung and you hated how dependent you felt on him now. This was why you didn’t fall for people; why you didn’t open your heart to someone. It hurt too much. 

You looked out the window, heart stuttering when you noticed Taehyung walking sluggishly by. He was bundled warm and you could barely see his face under his hat and scarf, but you’d know him anywhere. He paused by the mailbox, sighing, a sad frown stretching across his full lips as he reached out his mittened fingers, patting the duck softly on the head. 

It felt like your heart was bleeding in your chest. You wanted to run to him and throw your arms around him, tell him you were sorry and you didn’t know why you were this way…but even the thought of it made your stomach churn with discomfort. What could you even offer to him anyway? Love? Stability? No, it was better this way. No man wanted to be with a broken woman. 

Taehyung walked slowly away from the mailbox, fingertips dropping from the beak of the duck and down by his side and you sat frozen where you were, watching him leave. It all felt so final. You couldn’t wait to get out of the country and just escape your own mind.

                                                               ****

Later after dinner, when your bags were packed and you were sat in the front room, your roommates came to join you, a tray of hot chocolates in Anna’s hands. Setting it down on the table, she sat down beside you on the couch, grabbing a mug for each of you before settling further into the cushions. 

“Can’t believe we’re all heading home tomorrow.” Sarah said, sighing into her mug. “This semester went by so fast.”

“Too fast!” Anna agreed. “I can’t believe you’re going to Paris in just a few days!”

You smiled softly, “It’s pretty crazy right?”

“I’m crazy jealous.” Charlotte admitted, “Paris has always been top of the travel bucket list for me.”

“Really?” Anna asked in surprise, “I never knew that about you.”

“Yeah, it’s home to the Eiffel tower, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumphe. What’s not to love? Plus, it’s the fashion capitol of the world.”

“You have to buy so many clothes!” Sarah gushed, “I seriously can’t believe you get to go shopping in Paris!”

You smiled, chuckling, “I honestly probably won’t have a whole lot of time to go shopping between the internship and touristy stuff, but I’ll try to have one good shopping trip in your honor.”

“If you don’t come back in a beret and a peplum pea coat, I’ll be seriously appalled.”

“Pretty sure the French don’t actually go about their day in a beret.” Charlotte remarked dryly.  

You giggled, smiling at your friends. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

“You say that like you’re going to war. You’re going to Paris, honey, you won’t even notice we’re not there.” Anna grinned, flicking your forehead with her finger and you wrinkled your nose at her. 

“I’ll definitely notice.” 

“Well, anyway,” Sarah commented, pushing her hair over her shoulder, “You’re going to go, you’re going to have a fabulous time, and you’re going to come back a changed woman. I’m super jealous.”

                                                            ****

After returning home and spending a few days with your family, they were bringing you to the airport for what was probably the biggest adventure of your life. You’d never been on such a big trip alone; in fact, you’d never even been on an airplane by yourself. The nerves were clawing at your chest at the thought, but there was a soft simmering of excitement bubbling just under that surface. 

The airport was cramped and busy, people heading home for the holidays and you felt a little sad that you’d be missing the celebrations with your family, but the experience was going to be worth it; you were sure of it.

The evening was blanketed with a soft mist when you arrived. It was cold, but nothing a coat and scarf couldn’t combat. The woman in charge of your internship had met you at arrivals and you’d grabbed your bags, making your way out front. 

“Our car is over here.” Marie smiled, holding her arm out and you followed after her, the driver taking your things and putting them in the trunk. After sliding into your seat and buckling in, you sighed, leaning your head back against the headrest. “The drive to your hotel is around an hour so that will give us time to talk and go over some details.”

“Great.” You smiled, sitting up straight and facing towards her. “What is your job with the Paris Fashion Week?”

“I’m the head of Une voix de femme, a fashion and photography company. There are a lot of interns that come all year round for various purposes in the different shows and fashion industry and we get a lot of applicants so we’re a bit picky.”

The idea that the boss herself had come to retrieve you was a little mind blowing and you felt extra nervous at the idea of it. Maybe she picked up every intern, but even so, you couldn’t help but feel special. “May I ask how exactly my work was brought to your attention?”

“Pure coincidence.” Marie said, flipping open a file. Inside were some of the stills you’d taken over the years, mostly from school activities that you’re sure your professor had sent to her and others from the Winter Recital. “We do a lot of searching on our own. Not everyone who is talented will apply, some need to be sought out. I saw the pictures you’d taken of your school recital and I knew right away you needed to be with us. You have too much talent that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“Thank you,” you smiled softly, face feeling warm. “I never would have applied; I would have never thought I’d be good enough for something like this.”

“Common symptom.” Marie nodded, thumbing through some of your pictures, “the worthy never actually know their true worth.” She looked over at you, winking before returning to the file in hand. 

“So, what exactly will my responsibilities be while I’m here?”

“We’ll go over most of the details tomorrow when you come to the office. You’ll need to be flexible and move quickly because we’ll have you in a few different locations. I don’t have your exact schedule with me currently, but I know you will be photographing the Dior, Saint Laurent, Mugler, and Hermes lines. We’ll also have you working with some couture design shoots.”

“Wow, those are some big names.” You mused, stomach twisting at the idea.

“Don’t feel nervous, dear, we wouldn’t have flown you out if we didn’t like what you have to offer. You have an ability to capture small details; that is what we are looking for. The models move quickly and they stop for no one; you’ll need to catch the details of their clothing with precision. Because you’re an intern, we know you don’t have access to all the equipment that other photographers will have with them so of course you will have all of our equipment at your disposal.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you!” You said softly. Honestly, at this point you were feeling honored, of course, and also completely overwhelmed. 

“Don’t worry about too many details tonight, though. Tomorrow I’ll have my assistant Danielle meet you in the lobby of your hotel and she’ll accompany you for the remainder of your internship with us. Any questions you have, Danielle will be able to answer them.”

“Thank you very much, I’m so appreciative of this opportunity. I intend to make sure you’re happy with your decision to recruit me.”

“I have no doubt you will.” She smiled over at you. 

Once you’d reached your hotel, the jet lag was beginning to hit strong. You’d begun falling asleep the last 5 minutes of the ride and were so grateful to be up and standing. With the door closed behind you and your suitcase deposited at the end of your bed, you made your way to the large French doors, pushing open the curtains and stepping out onto the balcony. 

“Wow.” You breathed, hands reaching out for the metal railing, cold from the bite of winter. You could not have asked for a better view than the one you were given. The Eiffel Tower, just off to the right of your window, lights bright in the dark of the evening. The streets below were still filled with people, a busy Christmas market just a moment’s walk from the entrance of your hotel. You felt completely spoiled. 

Of course, you wished you could have shared the experience with someone, but instead you’d focus every moment of your time enjoying this great new experience.

                                                           ****

The next morning you were awoken by your alarm at 7:00 am. Your eyes were bleary and stung as you opened them, body warm beneath the fluffy white down comforter. You were expected down and waiting for the car at 8 am sharp and you still had to shower, get ready, and eat. 

You moved sluggishly from the warmth of the bed, grabbing your shower supplies and trudging into the bathroom. After showering and getting ready, you made your way downstairs to have some breakfast. Ecstatic to find an assortment of French breads, jams, and a buffet of food you already felt yourself drooling over, you grabbed a plate, making your way through the line and allowing the greed of your eyes and growling stomach to take charge. 

After stuffing your face with more food than was probably considered proper, you made your way out to the front of the hotel, checking your bag again to make sure you had everything you needed. 

“Y/N!” Someone called and you turned to look around you, a young woman with short, dark corkscrew curls and beautiful dark brown eyes smiled, waving over at you and you smiled back, making your way towards her. “Hi there, I’m Danielle.” She greeted, reaching her hand out towards you for a handshake. 

“It’s so nice to meet you.” You returned, shaking her hand and following the motion of her hand into the back of the car. “I’m so surprised, I really thought I was going to end up being with someone who was much older than me. It’s nice to see someone similar in age.”

“It’s nice to have someone to relate to,” Danielle grinned, leaning back in her seat as the car started driving, “plus, after we get the details sorted this morning, we get to go out exploring. Work officially starts tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?” You grinned and she winked. 

“Course, girl. I hope you brought your money with you because we’re going on a shopping spree.”

“I’m gonna go broke by the end of this internship, for sure.”

“No way, this internship pays and it pays well. Anything you want to buy while you’re here?” She chuckled and you chewed on your bottom lip in thought. 

“Well, my friends definitely told me if I don’t come back with a beret and a peplum pea coat that they’d skin me alive, so…”

“Put it on the list!” She laughed loudly, “No skinning alive. So, tell me about yourself, Y/N.”

“Well, I guess it depends on what you want to know. I’m currently in school studying Visual Arts with a minor in photography and I live in a small, run down, but cozy home with 3 of my best friends. When I’m not at school I’m at home with my mom, brother, step dad and our dog Goose.”

“And now you’ll get to say you interned with Paris Fashion Week.” Danielle teased and you grinned. 

“I know, I can hardly even believe I’m in France. What about you? Tell me about yourself, Danielle.”

“Well, I’m originally from Pennsylvania, but my dad is actually from France. When I was getting ready to go into high school my dad got a job back here in Paris so we all moved here and have been living here ever since. I have two sisters, one older, one younger, and I’ve been working with Marie for the last three years.”

“Wow, so did you start working with Marie right after graduation or something?” You asked, eyes wide. 

Danielle chuckled. “Something like that, yeah. I actually did my internship with Marie as well and then just ended up getting hired on and have been with them ever since. It’s been a pretty crazy amazing ride.”

“I believe it!” You breathed, “That’s really wild. I’m not sure what to do when I graduate, but I still have a couple years to figure it out.”

“Do you have any ideas or anything you want to do?” Danielle asked, twisting a curl around her finger and letting it spring back into place. 

“Not a lot,” you admitted bashfully, “I’ve kind of thought about maybe starting my own company or something, but to be honest I really just like being able to take pictures of whatever I want and not being commissioned to do something, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I totally get it.” Danielle nodded, “a true artist’s spirit. You want your cake and to eat it too.” She grinned over at you and you shrugged, smiling. 

“Guilty.”

“Something I’ll recommend is to get your feet wet first. Sometimes you’ve gotta do other people’s dirty work first before you can really get into your own stuff. Build enough of a name that being able to photograph your own stuff will one day work in your favor.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” You nodded, watching as the car came to a slow stop out front of a large glass building that looked rather out of place among the ancient and beautiful cream-colored limestone of the other buildings. 

“We’re here!” Danielle chirped, sliding from the car as the door was opened for her and you followed closely after, pulling your bag high on your shoulder and glancing around. The streets were busy with business people and tourists alike and you followed after Danielle as she led you into the building. 

“We’re up on the 32nd floor,” Danielle said as the two of you stepped into the glass elevator and you gripped the railing, staring out into the streets in awe. 

“Wow, you guys really know how to live, huh?” You murmured, watching the city sink below you. 

Danielle laughed, leaning against the railing with you. “Pretty nice, right?”

You nodded mutely. “I just feel so lucky.” You finally admitted, “there are so many people who would want this opportunity and I got it without even trying.”

“Don’t feel guilty about it.” Danielle scolded and you turned to smile at her. “you deserve this internship. Marie loves finding people who are unassuming about their talent because they’re always the best. Just because you didn’t apply doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

“Thank you, Danielle,” you grinned, “you’re giving me a pretty decent boost in self-esteem.”

“It’s my job.” She winked, nudging you with her elbow. The chime of the elevator reaching your floor brought your attention back to the door and you stood, facing forward. “Besides, I wouldn’t say any of it if it weren’t true. You’ve definitely earned it.”

The office was busy with movement, desks occupying the first half of the room and filled with people having conversation. The back was divided by rooms separated with glass. Two rooms currently occupied with photoshoots, a couple offices, and a conference room. It was noisy, but in a good way. 

“This is where we get the technical parts of our jobs done. Paperwork, photoshop, that sort of thing. Certain magazine shoots are done in the back, as you can see. This is the behind the scenes dirty work that has to be done. The real fun stuff will be when fashion week starts tomorrow. Ok, follow me, your desk is over here.”

You followed after her to the right-hand side and she patted a desk with only a laptop to boast about. “This is your desk, right next to mine. It’s pretty bare right now, but the good thing is you can decorate it in any way you see fit.” 

“This is so cool.” You grinned, “I get my own desk!��

Danielle chuckled, sitting down at her desk. “Ah, I remember that feeling, like a real grown up, right?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, sitting in your seat. “Feels like I’m suddenly an adult with all sorts of responsibilities. It’s so cool.”

Danielle grinned, shaking her head. “Well, Marie’s gonna want to have a meeting with us in a few minutes but she told me she had a conference call first so let’s chill and talk before then.”

You nodded, leaning eagerly forward. “That sounds great.”

“So, you’re still in university, right?” At your nod, she continued, “any boys?” She teased with a wiggle of her brows. 

You sigh, shrugging, “Mmm…no, not right now, I guess.”

“That sounded very mysterious.” She replied, eyebrow raised and you moved your elbow from the arm rest of your chair as someone bustled by shouting something in French. 

“Just…” you huffed, blowing air up across your cheeks, “there was a guy a few weeks ago, but I blew it.”

“Oh?” You asked, waiting patiently for you to continue. 

You shrugged again, “he wanted a bigger commitment than I was ready to give him so I kind of pushed him away and we both ended up getting hurt. It sucks pretty bad.” Danielle watched as you tried not to sulk too hard and sighed. 

“It can be really hard when something doesn’t work out the way we’d hoped it would.” She said, staring over at the elevator as a group made their way out and over to the studio. “I was in a situation back in college that was…well, it was pretty challenging. Life changing; in a good and bad way. I had to make a decision that I’ve often wondered was right, but I think what I’ve decided since then is that if things are meant to be, then they will be. Of course, that’s not to discount effort,” she said, eyeing your reaction, “but if you’ve put in the effort, done all you can to make it work, and it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to.” 

“Before I left for the semester I ran into this guy’s roommate,” you said, “and he told me I should probably give him time to recover so I wanted to do that, but I worry that I’ve just completely ruined my chances with him. I haven’t done everything I could to try and make it better because I didn’t want to push him, but I think I want to try again when I get back in the spring semester.” 

“I think that’s a good idea,” Danielle said, twisting back and forth in her chair, “give the both of you the time to cool off and think about what you really want.”

“You said you made a really hard decision in college,” you said, watching her expression carefully, “what made you feel like that decision was the right one?”

Danielle paused, fingers drumming against the armrests of her chair, lips pressed together in thought. “Because I knew was doing the right thing for someone else. In the end, the decision I made wasn’t about me, but about her. I had to do it for her.”

“Your friend?” You asked and Danielle smiled softly.

“No. My daughter.”

“Oh,” you said, sitting straighter in surprise, “I didn’t know you had a daughter.”

“I don’t. Not anymore, anyway. At the time that I had her, the father and I were no longer together. He was from Belgium and had moved home; he didn’t really have any interest in being a parent. I was only 20 and I knew I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved, so I gave her to a family that could provide the life I couldn’t.”

Never had you met someone who’d made a decision like that before. You couldn’t even imagine having a child only to give them away. It would take a lot of love and self-sacrifice to do that sort of thing; you weren’t even sure you were that strong of a person. 

“Wow,” you said, blinking down at your hands, now clasped in your lap. “How long ago was that?”

“She’ll be turning 6 this summer.” Danielle smiled. “I receive pictures of her sometimes, here, this was from just a few days ago, actually. They’ve gone on holiday in the Maldives for Christmas.” She handed you a handful of pictures from her desk drawer and you looked down at the family, a little boy and girl with their parents.

“She has your eyes and hair.” You smiled and Danielle chuckled. 

“And her dad’s ears. Poor thing.” You looked up at Danielle as she pushed her ears slightly out and giggled. 

“She’s beautiful. What’s her name?”

“Her parents named her Emile.” Danielle smiled and you handed the picture back to her. 

“Did you ever have a name for her?” You asked gently and she nodded, staring down at the pictures.

“In my heart, she has always been Felicity.”

“That’s a beautiful name.” You said, watching as Danielle slipped the pictures back into her desk. 

“Thank you.” She said. The phone on Danielle’s desk rang and she picked it up quickly, talking softly to someone in French before hanging up. “Marie is ready for us. Let’s meet her in the conference room.”

You followed after her, weaving your way through rows of desks to the back and into the conference room where Marie sat with stacks of books and papers that you presumed were for you.

“Good morning, Y/N.” She greeted you, standing to extend a handshake which you returned. 

“Good morning.” You smiled. 

“Today I will show you around the office, give you the details of what this week will be like and what we expect of you. I’ll show you the equipment that you can use and take with you. Of course, Danielle will be with you the entire length of your internship so if you do have questions, you can ask her too.”

She pulled paperwork from the folders in front of her, explaining in detail what they were about and giving them to you to read and sign. After the preliminary work, she went over your schedule with you in more detail, giving you a step by step program of what you’d be doing each day. 

After about an hour in the conference room going over paperwork and details, she took you into a storage room, showing you types of equipment you could use for the week. You felt like you’d died and gone to heaven. Anything you could have ever dreamed of needing or even wanting for your photography was placed carefully around the room and against walls, beckoning you to take a look. 

“You will have access to any and all of our equipment; whatever you feel will make the shots better.” Marie said, watching you stare wide eyed around the room. “Feel free to look around.”

You moved towards the left side of the wall, examining one of the cameras they had there, picking it up and flipping through the settings. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” You mumbled and Marie and Danielle laughed from behind you. 

“We’re happy to appease you.” Marie smiled. “Danielle, once she’s chosen the equipment she’s going to be using for tomorrow, the two of you are free to explore Paris. I’ll leave the schedule and everything you need on your desk and forward you the rest on your phone.”

“Yes ma’am.” Danielle nodded as Marie left the room with a squeeze to her shoulder. “Don’t worry about not being able to use all the equipment at once,” she said, smiling over at you, “you can trade things out each day based on what you’re feeling.” 

You smiled at her sheepishly, holding the camera in your hands close to your chest. “Ah, I must be so easy to read.”

Danielle grinned. “Feel free to grab what you need for tomorrow. We’ll pack it up and have it ready for you when you get here.”

After exploring the room and picking the equipment you’d need for the next day, Danielle had some of the other staff come and help to pack it safely for you. The two of you grabbed your bags and ventured back out onto the street where the car was waiting. 

Sliding in and fastening your seatbelt, you and Danielle chatted and laughed as you made your way further into the heart of Paris. The sun was deceptively beautiful as you stepped from the car; high in the sky and tricking you into the belief that somehow it was suddenly warm. 

Shivering, you fastened your arms around your waist as Danielle joined you at your side, motioning with her head to follow her. “This is my favorite place to shop. It’s called Avenue des Champs Elysees and it’s probably the most famous shopping district in Paris. It’s got a great mix of things to do here, including luxury brands and affordable.” 

“I like the sound of affordable.” You grinned. 

After spending a good portion of the morning and afternoon shopping (and finding the cutest ebony peplum coat and even a gorgeous red beret) the two of you made your way to lunch in a nearby café. The exterior was a beautiful crimson with two six pane windows on either side of the door and garland wrapping across the edged of the roof and down the columns in front. The inside was cozy and warm with soft colors and a beautifully decorated fir tree in the corner. 

“It’s so beautiful in here!” You smile, gaze shifting around the room and Danielle grinned. 

“It’s my favorite café,” she admitted, “I always get the same so I’ll wait until you’re ready to order and then we can go grab a seat.”

After placing your order and finding a nice cozy table in the back, you dropped your bags below the table and slipped out of your coat, fingers wrung together to try and encourage warmth. “We start work officially tomorrow, right?” You asked and Danielle nodded, flipping through her wallet before placing it on the table in front of her. 

“Yes, tomorrow is the first official day.”

“And you’ll be with me the whole time, right?” You asked, nerves heightened now that you had a moment to think about it. 

“Yeah” she smiled, placing her hand over yours and squeezing, “don’t worry. I’ll be with you the whole time. I’ll guide you and make sure you know where you’re going and what you’re doing. We’ll even go to the venues early so that we can get settled into our spots and so that you can have a look around and get a feel for the location.”

“That would be great.” You breathed, the tightness in your chest lessening. “Sorry, just a little nervous.”

“Totally normal,” Danielle nodded, leaning towards you across the table, “I’d think you were a little weird if you weren’t nervous. This is a big thing, I get it. New place, new people, new experience. It’s understandable why you’d be nervous. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, Danielle.” You grinned. “So, what should I expect for tomorrow?”

“Well, tomorrow is going to honestly be a little overwhelming and kind of busy. You and I will both be in the pit together taking pictures, but Marie has got two spaces sectioned off for us so we don’t have to worry about that too much.”

“The pit?” You asked. “Like an orchestra?”

Danielle smiled, leaning back as the server brought your drinks to you and you wrapped your chilled fingers around the warm ceramic of your hot chocolate mug. “Not quite. It’s an area at the very end of the stage reserved for the photographers. We’re probably going to be standing on boxes and it’s a little cramped with everyone shoved together, but it’s part of the thrill.”

“And we’ve got reserved spots?” You asked, sipping at your drink.

“Yeah, but it’s a bit cut throat in the pit at times so we’ll be having some markers going over a number of hours before us to make sure that no one tries taking our spots.”

“What’s a marker?” You asked, eyebrow rising.

“A marker is just someone that goes and marks your spot. We’ve already got ours marked, but like I said, it can be a bit intense so we’ll have people reserving our spots by sitting in them until we get there.”

“Wow,” you sighed, “there’s a big learning curve.” You had no idea the fashion industry was so do or die, but you were actually kind of looking forward to sinking your teeth into it. 

“There is,” Danielle nodded, “but don’t worry, I’ll make sure to guide you through it and answer all your questions. Also, I think that’s our food.”

You turn around to watch the waitress carry your food over, setting it in front of you before thanking her and digging in. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent meandering through the shops in different alleyways, picking up small knickknacks or clothes that you liked before heading back to the hotel to drop your stuff off. You’d asked Danielle about the market outside your hotel and she’d enthusiastically agreed to take you. 

“This Christmas market comes every year and lasts a week into January. They’ve got cute things for your home, souvenirs, and a lot of really yummy food. Have you ever tried chestnuts?” She asked, turning to look at you as you refastened the buttons on your coat and twisted a scarf around your neck. 

“Chestnuts? As in the things squirrels eat?” You asked, following her back out into the square in front of your hotel and turning off to the side where you could see the Christmas market waiting. 

Danielle laughed. “Yes, squirrels eat them, but so do humans. Do you smell that sweet, rich smell?” She asked as you walked slowly towards your destination. The wind picked up slightly and you shivered from the cold, but you could smell it. You nodded and she continued. 

“That’s a chestnut. We roast them in the winter and then eat them. They can be a little interesting to open, but they’re a fun experience to have and I personally love them. They taste a bit like a sweet potato.”

“A nut tastes like a sweet potato?” You asked, staring around in amazement as you stepped into the market and the vibrancy of the colors instantly grabbed your attention. It was surprisingly warmer and you supposed that was due to the steam coming from the different food stalls nearby.

Everything you could have ever dreamed of was in this market. Small wooden stalls reminiscent of the swiss style chalet’s held chestnuts, crepes, mulled wine, gloves and scarves, games, Christmas decorations and so much more. The market wound further down the street and around corners that you could not see. Your greedy eyes devoured as much as they could as Danielle talked more about chestnuts and the different things that she wanted you to try. There were children nearby with a man selling balloons outside of a cotton candy stall and your mouth watered at the smell. Directly next to you was a stall with waffles and around 30 different toppings. Different artisan booths selling things you knew you didn’t need but definitely wanted. 

In the center of it all, and right beside a glowing carousal, there was a small band of performers, violins and guitars playing Jingle Bells with children weaving in between their parents in the square, playing a game of tag and screaming in delight. 

“This is so amazing!” You grinned, turning to find Danielle watching you and she smiled, bumping your shoulder with hers. 

“Let’s get some food.”  After grabbing a small paper bag of chestnuts, two different kinds of crepes and a couple mulled wines between the two of you, you found a table to sit at and put your stuff down. 

“First, I want you to try the chestnuts.” Danielle grinned, shaking the bag in front of you in excitement. “Don’t worry if you don’t like it, I’ll be happy to eat them all, trust me, but you should at least try it. It’s part of the Christmas market experience!”

“Ok, ok.” You chuckled, pulling a chestnut from the bag. It was still hot and you hissed, bouncing it between your fingers as you began to peel away the layers. “How long until I get to the actual nut?” You exasperated, once you’d made it down to a fuzzy skin under the shell.

Danielle laughed, sipping at her wine, “there’s only two layers. Under that fuzzy stuff is the actual nut.”

Discarding the two outer shells, you finally held the nut between two fingers. “Wow, the texture is so different than what I thought it would be.” You marveled. It was firm, but had a spongey consistency, almost like an uncooked mushroom.

“Try it.” Danielle encouraged, popping her own chestnut into her mouth and chewing. 

She was right, it did sort of taste like a sweet potato, sweet and a little earthy. The taste was a little bland, but it was warm and with a little salt would have made a good snack. “It’s OK,” you smiled, “not really my thing but I can see why people like them.”

Danielle nodded, pulling another from the bag and beginning to peel. “Yeah, it’s not everyone’s thing. Here, we’ve got these too.” She said, pushing your crepe towards you and you smiled, grabbing the fork from the plate and cutting off a piece.

“Now this is what I was really looking forward to.” 

With bites of warm food and sips of mulled wine to heat your insides, you spent the rest of the night talking and laughing until you returned to your bed, warm from alcohol and conversation, ready to take on the exciting new day in less than 9 hours.

                                                           ****

You’d never felt more like a chicken without its head than you did right now. The office had been hectic, people running around, grabbing the things they needed and looking like they were in some sort of well controlled panic as they fled the building to their different shoots. 

On the car ride to the venue, Danielle told you that the two of you would be covering two shoots today, both Hermes and Dior. Just hearing the names made you a little dizzy so you mostly listened instead of talking. You were glad that Danielle was going to be there with you, taking pictures herself. There was a little less pressure to not mess things up since they would still have her professional pictures to fall back on if they needed them. 

The Hermes shoot was teeming with life. The walls and ceilings were made to look like you were in an outdoor tent and you tried to look around and admire as much as you could while still keeping your place behind Danielle and winding towards where the other photographers were setting up. None of the seats were occupied yet, since you’d arrived an hour before the show was due to start. Danielle said this was typical because you needed to be in your places with things set up and ready to go before the crowds started filing in. There would be no time once people started showing up. 

Thankfully you’d had time this morning in the office to fiddle around with the camera you were using today, checking settings and getting comfortable with its abilities. That was something that had made you nervous in the beginning; that you wouldn’t have enough time to adjust to the equipment. Each camera was different and you were afraid you’d get stuck trying to make something work when you were supposed to be taking pictures. 

Danielle had helped you find a camera with an f/2.8 aperture and pretty decent zoom range. “The models will be moving fast; you’ll need to adjust quickly. Make sure you’re getting well acquainted with that camera because once the show starts, you won’t be able to fiddle around with it without missing important moments.”

The two of you came to a stop beside the photographers, Danielle greeting a man and a woman sitting on two stools in the center towards the front and after a short conversation, they left and Danielle directed you to take a seat on one of the stools. “So, this is the pit.” Danielle grinned, adjusting her camera bag on her lap and digging through for what she needed.

You sat down beside her, looking around and nodding in greeting to a few of the photographers whose eyes you caught. “Wow, and we’re all just gonna be shoved in like sardines, huh?” You asked, turning your gaze back to Danielle who smiled. 

“Welcome to fashion show life.” She leaned forward to whisper, “all of these people can either help you, or hinder you. Always make sure you are kind and friendly, establish relationships…but always be weary. Everyone is looking for their next big break, even if it comes at a cost, you know?”

You nod, leaning back on your stool and digging through your bag to grab your camera. You were pretty comfortable with it because the settings were similar to your camera back home, just way better quality. Now you just needed to make sure it was on the right settings to capture the images you wanted. You quickly switched your camera to manual, 1/250 at f/4 and took some practice shots of the people still putting the final touches on the stage. The pictures were so crisp and clear you had to stop yourself from doing a little happy wiggle in your seat. It was going to be hard to go back to your own camera after using such an amazing piece of equipment. 

You chatted briefly with some of the photographers around you, mostly men, a couple from New York, 3 from London, but almost everyone else around you seemed to be from France. It was intimidating to look around and see only 1 other woman aside from Danielle and yourself, but that wasn’t going to stop you from kicking their photography butts. You weren’t competitive most of the time, but if you felt like somehow you were going to have to fight for something, you definitely would. 

Slowly the room began to fill and you could barely contain your amazement. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood were sitting mere steps away from you, but there was no way you were going to show the other photographers how much of an amateur you were, so when Charlize Theron sat only 10 feet from you, you focused your eyes on the walkway in front of you and swallowed down your squeal of delight. 

When the show started you felt like your stomach had jumped into your throat. You followed Danielle’s cue, pulling your camera up to rest against your eye and taking a deep breath in. This was it. This was the moment you’d been waiting for. The music started and models began walking down the runway, cameras flashing all around you and you let determination settle into your chest before quickly focusing in and snapping pictures. 

Adrenaline kicked in, pouring through your veins as you watched the models move from the lens of your camera, taking as many pictures as you possibly could while they were in front of you. All noise funneled into a pinprick of sound until it was gone and you were alone with just your camera and the show in front of you. You never thought you’d actually enjoy the thrill of a high scale fashion show, but here you were, pulse erratic and stomach bubbling with excitement. 

When the show was finally over and the other photographers were packing away their equipment, rushing on to the next show, you felt like you could finally breath again. “How was it?” Danielle asked, carefully placing her camera in its bag and gazing at you from the corner of her eye.

“Wow.” You said, and she laughed. “That’s the best word to describe it. There was a lot going on and it was a real challenge to stay focused at first. Especially when there were so many celebrities around. Did you see Charlize Theron sat right there?!”

Danielle giggled, nodding, “I did see. These shows get quite crazy. You’re really in for a treat when we go to the Dior show, they always, always put on a massive production. They’re doing their show at the Louvre this season and it’s inside this dome of flowers. It’s incredible.”

You frowned, eyebrows pinching in the center. “Inside a dome of flowers? Did they construct that inside the building?”

“You’ll see.” She grinned. “For now, though, we’ve got an hour and a half before we need to be there so let’s grab some lunch quickly. There’s some food trucks nearby.” You followed after her, bag slung across your shoulder with all your equipment safely inside and made your way outside into the crisp afternoon air.

“I didn’t realize how stuffy it was in there until we got outside.” You said, taking a deep breath in.

“Yeah, the pit always gets a bit stagnant, so many bodies, so little air. Ah, there they are.” She said, pointing off to the left and you followed after her, sitting down at an open table outside of one of the trucks. 

After Danielle ordered, you switched places, leaving her to watch over the equipment and ordering your own food and drink. A full stomach later and a quick drive to the next venue, you found your spots, relieving the markers of their duty and setting up camp on your stools. 

Danielle had been right. A giant dome of flowers had been built, within the Cour Carrée, the courtyard at the east end of the Louvre. Purple delphinium stems sprouting from every corner of the rolling garden turf. You felt like you’d entered some fantasy land as you stepped through the guarded doors and made your way towards the pit with Danielle. 

“This is so cool!” You whispered and Danielle smirked. 

“I told you, Dior always means business.”

This show was unlike anything you’d ever seen, making the hairs at the back of your neck stand to attention. This venues photographers were far more cut throat than the last and you definitely had to physically avoid some sabotage shots, but you were proud to say you held your own and at the end of it you even managed to get a picture with Rihanna and Elizabeth Olsen. That one was just for you, though. 

“Ok,” Danielle said, after she’d finishing packing her bag and you’d put your own equipment away. “Let’s head back to the office and get some editing done. We’ll be working one on one with Marie to go over your work and see what kind of guidance we can give you for the next few shows.”

“Sounds great.” You smiled, slinging your bag over your shoulder and following her out to the car. 

It was still afternoon, though slightly late afternoon by the time you made it back to the office. Setting your equipment gently down on your table, you unloaded your camera and sat down at your company provided laptop to turn it on and get the pictures uploaded. 

It was going to take some time to get everything on the computer and then even more time to get things edited to the proper standard. You also had a meeting at some point with both Marie and Danielle to go over the pictures and find a better direction for the next few photoshoots. From what you understood, tomorrow you’d be doing the Marc Jacobs and Hussein Chalayan shows. You were going to have so much editing to do. You already had a headache. 

“We’re going to meet with Marie in about an hour so go ahead and get some editing done. That way you can show her your raw images as well as the edits and she can give you some critiques.”

You nodded, pursing your lips and turning back to the computer as the main screen pulled up. “Sounds like a plan.”

Loading the pictures took longer than you’d initially wanted, but you had taken a lot of pictures so you couldn’t really be upset. The computer was doing things as quickly as possible. As soon as you were able, you began clicking through pictures, finding the ones you liked the most and beginning the editing process. You’d only been able to edit 2 pictures by the time Danielle was motioning you towards the conference room so you quickly saved your work, before closing your laptop and bringing it with you. 

The conference room was significantly cooler than the rest of the office and you sighed in relief. You were beginning to get a little too warm at your desk and editing when hot was never a good combination. You sat down, waiting for Marie to join you, watching her through the all glass windows as she finished a phone call, grabbing her things and pushing out of her office, making a quick left to the conference room. 

“How was it?” She smiled, her long dark cardigan billowing behind her. She pushed a wave of grey hair from her forehead and back towards her bun and you smiled excitedly. 

“It exceeded expectations!” You gushed, watching as she sat down across from you, “really, it was so exciting seeing all those incredible models through the lens of my camera. Totally different from what I’m used to shooting.” 

“I’m looking forward to seeing some of your pictures, then.” She smiled, hands held out in request of your laptop and you quickly opened it, logging back in.

“I’ve only been able to edit 2 pictures so far, loading them was more time consuming than I thought it would be.”

“That is ok, you have plenty of time today to edit. This is why we did not want to overwhelm you with photoshoots. You will need time to edit them before the conclusion of your internship.” She replied, scanning through your pictures carefully. You watched with apprehension as Marie scanned your pictures with what you hoped was interest, it looked like interest, at least. 

Finally, she nods, turning to smile at you. “These are excellent. I’m very impressed with your style. Don’t be afraid to try a few more angles. It’s a little difficult to do in such a small space, but I think you can do it. I’d also like to see a few more pictures of the venue and the guests attending. Your attention to detail on the clothes is really astounding. Sometimes even professional pictures can be blurry with the models walking so quickly, but your pictures are so clear.”

After going back and forth about more you could do to increase the effectiveness of your work, your computer was returned to you and you excitedly continued your editing. The three of you remained in the office until dinner time when you finally wished each other farewell and the car dropped you back off at your hotel. Danielle had to have dinner with her family, so for tonight, you would relax, take a bubble bath, order room service and attempt to find a movie you could understand.

                                                             ****

The Marc Jacobs show was filled with a lot of neutrals, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it made for less interesting pictures. There was a quartet of string instruments playing in the corner; a song that was a little too sharp, but perfectly representative of the mood of the clothing. 

You made sure to get as many different angles as you could, keeping in mind Marie’s and Danielle’s different advice for your pictures. After the show, Danielle pointed out the French celebrities you should definitely get pictures of, and you made sure to get a good selection of pictures of anything else you felt might be relevant. 

The next show was Hussein Chalayan, which you were particularly interested in because you’d never actually heard of him. From what Danielle had told you, he did some pretty quirky things with his outfits so you were looking forward to seeing what he had in store. 

The atmosphere of the show was deep and moody. The clothes varied between muted tones and reds with a rather boxy style, but they made for excellent pictures. The audience was extremely receptive and it made the environment even more exciting. You could hear the shutter of Danielle’s camera in time with the click of your fingers on your own. You hadn’t gotten the chance to see any of her pictures, but now you were curious. 

After the show ended and you were packed and ready to go, the two of you went to a nearby restaurant to sit and go over your pictures. “I am so curious about your style,” You said, just after your drinks were delivered. 

“My style?” Danielle asked, eyes wide as she looked at you.

“Yes,” you chuckled, “your photography style. You were hired on after your internship, I could probably learn a thing or two from you.”

She smiled bashfully, spooning some sugar into her coffee and shaking her head, curls brushing against her cheeks. “I don’t know, you’re already pretty good. Marie has been really impressed with you.”

“Come on, come on, don’t feel shy. Let me see one picture, just one!” You bargained and Danielle laughed, opening her camera bag and pulling her camera out. 

“OK, but only one.”

You nodded, reaching for the camera and pulling it towards you, staring down at the picture sitting on the screen. It was a picture of the last model, perched at the end of the runway, staring down into the lens of the camera as though Danielle were the exact person she was looking at. The angle was beautiful, the sheer of her dress captured beautifully in the lighting. Everything in the background faded making for a beautiful forefront. 

“This is beautiful, Danielle. Wow, now I feel like the amateur I am!” You pouted and Danielle laughed, swatting your arm. 

“Oh stop.” She said, taking the camera from you, powering it off and placing it back in its casing. “Your pictures are beautiful, Y/N. You capture details I couldn’t even dream of.” 

“Well that’s just a bald-faced lie.” You grinned, rolling your eyes good naturedly at her. “So, you said this was our last fashion shoot, right?”

“No, we have two more fashion shows tomorrow and then the rest of the week will be editing. Then next week you’ll have two couture design shoots to do in office.”

“Oh, who are we going to photograph tomorrow? I don’t remember.”

Danielle glanced down at her phone where Marie had sent the schedule, “Tomorrow we’ve got Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent.”

“Oh that’s right. I’ve heard of Thierry Mugler. I thought he just did perfume, though?”

“Nope,” Danielle chirped, putting her phone back in the pocket of her dress pants. “He’s mainly a fashion designer. I generally enjoy his shows. They are clear cut and to the point.”

“That sounds like my type of show!” You giggled. 

After lunch, the two of you made your way back to the office, burying yourselves in editing until you could barely see straight. But so far, you’d accomplished a lot and were already ¾ of the way through editing the first two shows. Tomorrow you’d finish those two and then move onto the two new ones. It was exciting and overwhelming and you were really starting to feel a sense of power in your work. 

Everyone around you was a powerhouse; Marie and Danielle the most inspiring of them all. You’d met some of your other coworkers and while most spoke only French, the few you were able to talk to had taught you a lot. 

Aluin, who sat beside you on your right had given you some invaluable pointers on how to take better photographs and he showed you some of his own work from back when he was in college. The work ethic and self confidence that he’d built over the years was inspiring. He was so self-assured about anything he tried. 

Even if he didn’t meet his goal or it ended in a way that was less than what he’d wanted, he just used that as an opportunity for growth and to push for better and you admired that attitude so much. You’d spent so much time feeling sorry for yourself; you didn’t want to do that anymore. You were going to be better than ever before.

                                                             ****

There was something about the wave of adrenaline that you would get just as the show was starting that was addicting, and your final fashion show was the cherry on top of your fantastic cake. Saint Laurent was not only right at the top of all the fashions you’d liked from the experience, but the show itself was so thrilling. 

A dimly lit room with floor to ceiling mirrors and lights flashing in and out like rolling ocean waves along the ceiling of the venue. If you hadn’t been taking pictures, you would have been dancing with the blood boiling in your veins. You weren’t sure you would ever choose fashion photography as your future career, but you could certainly see why someone would. 

The pictures turned out amazing, the venue was the perfect environment for a dark and sexy vibe and you were so excited, scanning through your pictures of both the Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent shows that your hips couldn’t help wiggling away in the back seat. 

Danielle chuckled at your enthusiasm and you smiled at her, tilting your camera in her direction. “Look at these pictures!” You enthused, “I’m not one for tooting my own horn or anything, but these are freaking amazing.”

Danielle leaned closer, scanning the pictures as you flipped through them, nodding in appreciation. “It’s amazing, you’ve only been here, what, four days? You’ve already improved so much; I can seriously tell.”

“Thank you so much!” You grinned, embarrassed but pleased by her compliments. “I’m honestly feeling pretty good about myself.”

“As you should. You’ve got a lot going for you.”

The office was only half full when you got to back; most of the photographers and markers out on location. A few photographers were still in the building either editing or doing a couture shoot in the back and there were a few other staff members whose jobs you actually weren’t really sure of. 

You spent the next few hours really focusing on work, getting as much edited as possible. Your first two shoots were now safely edited and sent off for review and you were already around 1/3 or the way through the second two. The office slowly filled the more people came back from their respective photoshoots and conversation picked up, loud with excitement from the week. It was close to dinner time when you finally shut your laptop off for the day, stretching your arms over your head with a groan.

“Hungry?” Danielle asked, standing behind her chair and pushing her arms through the sleeves of her coat. 

“Definitely.” You smiled, standing up. You pulled on your slouchy knit hat, and wrapped your scarf around your neck before grabbing your own coat. Just as you were slipping your arms through the sleeves, Marie came and stopped by your desk, bundled chic and warm.

“Will the two of you accompany me to dinner? My treat.” She asked, purse hanging high on her perfectly rounded shoulders. 

“Well, with an offer like that, how can we refuse?” Danielle said and you grinned. 

The restaurant of Marie’s choosing was far fancier than your blood could afford and you immediately felt like you should be refusing such generosity, but at her insistence, the three of you sat down at a table close to the center and began to look through the menu. 

After ordering and seeing the waiter off, you turned back to Marie whose glossy red lips were pulled into a smile. “How has it been, Y/N, going to photograph all those shows?”

“Absolutely incredible!” You beamed. “I could never have imagined such an amazing opportunity for myself, I’m honestly so grateful. I have already learned so much.”

“Which show was your favorite?” She asked, taking a sip of the red wine the waiter had poured for her shortly after you’d sat down. 

“Honestly, it was Saint Laurent from today. His pieces were elegant and not too flashy and the show itself just felt really exciting.” You admitted

“I remember when I first started going to fashion shows,” Marie commented, twirling her glass in her hand, “I was really young, just recently graduated from university. I met a man there in the audience; a very promising fashion designer. His name was Pierre Dubois and he was really something special. I greatly admired his work and he is actually what gave me the idea for this company. I wanted so badly to photograph his art and publish it, but I did not have the skill of photography so instead I just spent my time with him; admiring him.”

She smiled at the memory; eyes wistful as she looked down into the swirling red of her glass. “We married in the spring when I was 25. Young and in love and a little bit foolish. Pierre was trying to start his own fashion company because his designs were beginning to find recognition and I was just happy to enjoy the journey with him. I still wanted to start this company, though, so Pierre encouraged me and with the money we’d made from the selling of his clothing, I started this company. It was very challenging for a while, it was a different time and so many people believed I could not be successful because I was a woman, but I was determined and what I say goes. Soon enough, he was becoming a bigger name and eventually my company started to grow. The rest is as you say, history.”

You smiled at the idea, that two people could start something so special together and see it become so successful. It made you crave something like that, in the future at least. Whether it was with a romantic partner or a friend, you hoped someday you could make something special like that. “Is your husband in any of the fashion shows?” You asked, taking a sip of your own wine. 

Marie smiled softly, shaking her head. “No, he actually died shortly after his 40th birthday. It is unfortunate that the world could not have seen more of his designs. He really was a visionary.”

“Oh,” you said, heart sinking. “I’m so sorry to hear that. My dad died when I was 11, so I understand. He was a talented author and I’ve often wondered what else he could have come up with, if he hadn’t left so early.”

“Some of the best people this world has known, have been taken far too early.” Marie nodded, placing her glass down on the table and smiling over at you, “that is why we must be strong and continue the work for them. I may not be able to design fashion like my Pierre, but I can show the world what he loved and keep that dream alive. I love doing that for him.”

The food arrived just then so conversation switched quickly, but Marie’s words stuck in your head for the rest of the night. You wanted to be strong like Marie, to keep your dad’s visions alive. You couldn’t write wild and vivid stories like he could, but you could find joy in the little things and you were determined to share those things with the world.

                                                          ****

It was already Friday and the work was long and tedious while you were editing. You didn’t have any more fashion shoots until next week on Tuesday and Wednesday so you had today and Monday to get the rest of the editing done for Fashion week. The editing was the worst part of photography, but the end product was always worth it. 

Danielle had, had to leave for a doctor’s appointment about two hours ago and you were craving her company already. You dreaded thinking about when you’d go back home and she wouldn’t be there anymore. You’d been staring at your screen for 20 minutes now, wondering what was missing from this picture’s edit that you weren’t seeing. 

Rubbing at your eyes, you leaned back in your chair, yawning with a stretch of your arms over your head. You still had a few hours left of work and you needed a short break. A sudden thought popped into your head, and before you could think better of it, you were clicking onto your Instagram and flipping through your friend’s pages. You knew you shouldn’t, but your fingers had a mind of their own and you were already typing in Taehyung’s name before you could even register what you were doing. 

His page popped up with a flood of mostly familiar pictures, but there were two from the winter break you hadn’t seen yet. The first was a picture of him at the entertainment company he’d been signed to back at the beginning of November. He was standing with someone from the company and looked really excited and that made you happy. 

You wished you could have made him happy, but you just hadn’t been ready. Flipping to the next picture, he and Jin were on the beach, the sun setting behind them and bright smiles on their faces. You were really happy for them; living out their dreams. Not very many people seemed to be able to do that, but you were happy they could; they deserved it. 

“Is that the guy?”

You jumped, glancing to your left as Danielle set down her bag and sat in her seat, a knowing grin on her face.

You chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, that’s Taehyung.”

“Did you come up with a game plan?” She asked, shrugging off her coat and slipping her scarf from her neck. 

You shook your head, pursing your lips. “Not yet. Honestly, I’ve been so busy I haven’t really given myself time to sit down and think about it.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” Danielle remarked, bringing her laptop back to life, “You’re giving yourself time to really clear the air and then it will be easier to find a solution to tackle the problem. Sometimes if we think too much about something, we end up going in circles and never find a real solution.”

You nodded; lips puckered. “That’s true.” You admitted. “Man, I’m gonna miss your insights!”

Danielle laughed, squeezing your arm from beside you. “You still have another week of this internship, don’t miss me yet!”

“That’s true, maybe I’ll be sick of you by the end of it.” You teased. “So, how’d the doctors go?”

“Good.” She smiled, pulling up her editing software and pictures, “it was just a routine checkup. I had surgery a few months back so I’ve been going in to make sure everything is healing properly.”

“Oh wow, and everything’s good so far?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, leaning back in her chair and looking over at you. “It was a slipped disk that’s been bothering me for a while. It’s been years now, but when I was pregnant there were some complications and I got a herniated disk because of it. I didn’t think much of it because it didn’t really hurt at first, but over the last year or so it was pretty painful so I went and got surgery to take care of it.”

“Wow, so you’ve just been working this whole time with a slipped disk?” You gaped, leaning forward in your seat and she chuckled, waving you off.

“Adulthood. I have bills to pay and can’t really afford to take the time off. Besides, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

“You are way tougher than me.” You nodded, going back to your laptop and surveying the picture you’d been stuck on before. 

“Naw, no way,” Danielle said, “you’re only as strong as you say you are.”

You smiled over at her before twisting your laptop towards her, “I’m in need of your help, oh wise one. What’s missing from this picture?”

Danielle grinned, leaning towards the picture, eyebrow scrunched in thought. “Turn the resolution up just a little and it will be perfect.”

                                                           ****

Saturday morning was a welcomed break from the hectic schedule of photoshoots and editing. Danielle had told you to sleep in and be ready by 11. She was going to take you sight-seeing and you were crossing your fingers for the Eiffel Tower and a museum or two. 

“Of course,” Danielle said, once you’d told her what you were hoping for, “no trip is complete without at least going to the top of the Eiffel Tower and seeing the Louvre in all of its grandeur.”

“I am so glad we agree! What about Notre Dame? I would love to see that.”

“Add it to the list!” Danielle grinned and you cheered.

After having a light lunch at a café not far from your hotel, the two of you made your way to the Eiffel Tower, paying and taking the elevators all the way to the top. The air was quite cold, but the sweeping view was worth it. 

All of Paris was set out around you. It had snowed the night before, only enough to dust the ground and trees, but somehow it made the sight more beautiful. Buildings made of Limestone could be seen for miles, all topped by pristine white. The river Seine was just to your left, beautiful and shivering in the breeze. 

You were pretty sure you took an obscene number of pictures, but you didn’t care. You weren’t sure if you’d ever come back here again so you didn’t want to forget a thing. Notre Dame was equally impressive, walls covered in stone and beautiful portraits. The statue Pieta was absolutely breathtaking, you couldn’t help but marvel at how someone could make something from a single slab of marble. 

You’d studied all about Michelangelo and his work in your Art History class so seeing some of the pieces in person was a little mind blowing. “I can’t believe I’m here.” You whispered, glancing around the room. 

“I never get tired of seeing this.” Danielle admitted. “The grandiose makes you feel so small, but in a good way.” 

The golden glow of the lights against the walls made you feel warm and cozy. The vaulted domes of the ceilings inspired awe that you just couldn’t get over. There was nothing like this back home, no intensely rich culture and history that you could just feel in your bones. You would miss that a lot when you returned home. Customs were different here; in that they were intense and made you feel like a tightly knit group. 

There was a sense of belonging that you enjoyed witnessing and made this internship all the more worthwhile. After spending another hour touring every nook and cranny that you were allowed to see, Danielle took you back to the Louvre, which you were particularly excited about. You’d seen just glimpses of it from the Dior fashion show, but now you would get to go inside and explore. 

“The history of the louvre itself is amazing,” you remarked as both you and Danielle began to walk the halls, stopping here and there to gaze at paintings or statues. “It was once a castle under the rule of Philip II before becoming a palace for the successive kings as their main dwelling. Eventually one of the kings switched the main residence to the Palace of Versailles and this building became an unintentional museum, housing the royal collection. Did you know at one point the Louvre was even renamed Musée Napoléon when Napoléon was in power?”

“I did,” Danielle smiled, “but I’ve always been a bit of a history buff.”

“Ah, well then you must have already known all of that!” You lamented and Danielle chuckled.

“No, not all of it, but even if I had, your passion is quite charming. I enjoy talking to you; it’s always an intelligent conversation.” 

“Well I’m glad I could be of some use.” You teased.

                                                            ****

The weekend passed quickly and Monday was too bright and too early, but you were happy to be back at work; it was a welcome distraction from the ticking of the time on your internship. Only a few more days and you would close the door on a once in a lifetime opportunity. You were trying not to mourn the experience while you still had time left. There would be opportunities for that later. 

You had your second to last photoshoot tomorrow and today you were going to be drowning in editing. You spent the morning editing by yourself, Danielle having back to back meetings with Marie and a few of the other members of staff, but at least it allowed you to fully concentrate on your work. 

After lunch you worked one on one with Marie, going over the details of Tuesdays and Wednesdays shoots before sending her the pictures you’d edited thus far. You were mostly done at this point, just a handful more and you were excited to see that finished. You were always a little tired of seeing your own pictures after a dozen or so hours of staring at them. 

Monday finished with nothing more than a comfortable evening and a fizzle of energy, sinking into the plush of the hotel mattress. You would be sad to say goodbye to this bed; it had given you some of the best sleep of your life so far. Tuesday was a different sort of chaos. The energy was new, less intense than fashion week, but still there in its own variety. There were too many people in the studio, full of nervous energy and differing opinions of how they wanted the models to look. 

At Marie’s sharp insistence that they let the photographer do her job, you were diving into the deep end; point and shoot. This was a little more comfortable for you, a little more of what you were used to. The ability to capture what you wanted; what you found beautiful. You were less used to guiding posture and more used to discovering it in its own natural state, but there was something invigorating in the power of it. 

You were in complete control of your pictures, and whether they turned out well was 90% in your hands and only 10% in the hands of the models. As it was, they were professionals so you were assuming the 100%. That was OK, though. You were a perfectionist at best, which was amusing to some because of how candid your pictures tended to be, but they were perfection in their realism, which was exactly how you liked them.

The room was hot and a little stuffy; you were warm and wet in the creases of your shirt, but you lived for this. The models did exactly as you told them and, in the end, you were pretty happy with the images you’d captured. An afternoon spent editing was a price you were willing to pay to ensure the details were right. 

A company dinner with conversations in broken English, too much French wine, and not enough space between bodies in the booths made for a well-rounded evening and you met your pillow with a belly warm from Pinot Noirs.  

                                                           ****

Wednesday morning greeted you with sun and a hangover. It was still too cold so you bundled yourself warm and waited for the car after breakfast. Danielle greeted you at the office, standing just inside the door with a smile and a hot chocolate. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked, eyes flicking across your body and you grimaced. 

“Too much wine,” you admitted, “but I’ll survive.” The elevator was stuffed full of people greeting each other with sleepy bonjours and stiff head nods. It felt like a Monday. 

“Last photoshoot today!” Danielle enthused, stepping from the elevator and you followed after, nodding your head briefly before regretting the action entirely. Your head was still pounding. You needed to drink your water bottle before you could even dive into the drink Danielle had given you.

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to staring at a computer screen the next 5 hours come editing time.” You said, pulling your water bottle from your bag and chugging the remainder. “I took some medicine this morning when I woke up, though, so I should be a little less dead in 10 minutes.”

Danielle nodded, motioning towards the closet over her shoulder and you followed, going to get the equipment you’d need for the day. You loved the flexibility you got with this internship. You’d heard about how creativity stifling some could be, the dictation of what your work was meant to be like, so you’d been thrilled to find that most creative decisions were left in your hands. Danielle and Marie’s guidance had been invaluable, though, and you really looked forward to continuing to implement what they’d taught in your future career. 

“I think you should use the EOS 5D Mark IV for this one,” Danielle said, going to take the camera from its casing, carefully holding it out for you as she searched for different lenses you could use. “It’s gonna help you get more details with this shoot. The clothing the models are wearing today are pretty intricate so we need you to get some pretty in-depth pictures. Here, take the EF 24-70mm as well, just in case.”

The office was filling with life as you made your way back to your desk, carefully setting the camera down before sitting in your seat and switching to the settings you’d need for the shoot. You had about an hour before the models got here so you went to go set up the room with Danielle’s help, taking a few practice shots to make sure the camera was working properly.

Marie joined you when the models did, helping to show you good positioning that would exhibit the clothing without being too intense. The dresses they were wearing were definitely intricate; lots of beading and gems. Your favorite was a black tulle dress with gold star like designs across it and a deep V-neck into the middle of the sternum. The price of €9674.50 had you gagging, but you weren’t buying it, so for now you would just enjoy looking at it.

Once the shoot was over and the frames were loaded into your laptop, you began the tedious task of editing your final photoshoot. It was bitter sweet in that it meant that your internship was basically over. You would finish editing tomorrow and then Friday afternoon you would fly home. 

Sighing, you sat back in your chair, pulling your arms behind you, fingers linked together as your chest opened wide in a stretch. “I can’t believe it’s almost over.” You mourned, and Danielle turned to look at you, lips twitching up in a small smile. 

“The time really has gone by quickly.” She admitted. 

“I feel like so much has changed.” You said, pushing the lid of your laptop until it was almost closed. 

“In what respect? You or life or something else?”

“Everything, I guess.” You shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot about my craft, but I’ve also been learning a lot about what it means to be a strong woman and it’s all thanks to yours and Marie’s example.”

Danielle looked flustered at your admission, holding a hand up to her chest. “Me? What have I done?”

“Well, you’ve of course given me guidance with my pictures, but you’ve given me unintentional advice that has been invaluable.” At the knit in her brow you continued. “I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way because I mean it completely positively, but in college you found yourself in a situation that was really hard. You knew your strengths and limitations and decided to make a decision that could have destroyed you for the benefit of someone else. If I’d had to make a choice like that, I feel like I would somehow look down on myself, but you’re just so bright and happy and positive.”

Danielle smiled, reaching out and squeezing your hand. “I wasn’t always like this. When I first gave Emile up for adoption, it nearly consumed me with guilt. What mother just gives away their baby? That’s what I kept asking myself. Eventually, I got to the point where I was tired of being my own worst enemy. I had to face my demons and forgive myself. What I did, I did for Emile because I love her. I couldn’t have given her the life that she truly deserved and that was bigger than my desire to be her mother. I had to sort of retrain myself, learn to love the woman I am and stand by the decisions I make. I also had to learn to accept my faults and not let them limit me. I’m not a perfect person, but I’m finally allowing myself to learn from those imperfections instead of letting them dictate my life. It was really a journey of self-love.”

“I’m envious of that,” you admitted, “loving yourself enough to be ok with making mistakes and learning from them instead of being limited by them.”

“Well don’t be jealous,” Danielle said, “do something about it. You can do whatever you set your mind to; look at Marie. The entire industry looked down on her because she was a woman, but instead of choosing to adopt that thinking and let it limit her, she turned around and said, you know what? My being a woman is my strength, not my disadvantage. Then she went and proved it. Seems like right now the person you need to be proving yourself to, is yourself. Self-love is a life long journey, but it’s important.”

“How did you start, then?” You asked, spinning slightly in your chair, armrests gripped tightly between your fingers and gaze trained down on your jeans. 

“I started by forgiving my flaws and telling myself every day in the mirror the things I liked about myself. Sounds silly, but it really works. At first, it was hard. My mind was flooded with self-doubt and loathing, but I just kept practicing. For every negative thought, I counteracted that with a positive one until finally there were only positives left.”

“You’re pretty amazing, Danielle.” You said, looking up at you and she smiled.

“So are you, Y/N. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself. You are meant to be your biggest ally.”

                                                              ****

Later that evening as you stood washing your face at the sink basin of your bathroom, you thought about what Danielle had said. There were a lot of things you didn’t like about yourself, it’s true, but there were a lot of things that you did like, so how could you learn to focus on those things?

Staring into your reflection, you frowned. Danielle was right, it was weird to try and tell yourself the things you liked, but it couldn’t hurt to try. Pursing your lips, you thought hard and decided you wanted to focus on the parts of you people couldn’t see on the outside. 

“Uh,” you cleared your throat awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other.  “You’re a nice person.” Immediately you were flooded with thoughts of how awkward you were, but you rounded your shoulders and pressed forward. “You genuinely care about people; you don’t just fake it for the convenience of others. You always try really hard to get along with other people, but you don’t take crap from anyone.”

You smiled softly, thinking of some other things you liked about yourself. “You actually have a really good moral compass and a good sense of when a situation or person is good or bad; not everyone has that. You have a good sense of humor; you can always make people laugh and feel relaxed with you. You’re really smart, too. You’ve always knocked down every barrier that was in your way because you were determined enough to do it. This is going to be another one of those times.”

You spent so much time standing in front of that mirror that by the time you were finished, your eyes were heavy with sleep and you were trudging back to the comfort of your bed with a head full of praise and a warm heart. Loving yourself was going to be the best thing you’d ever done for yourself.

                                                        ****

Friday morning came after a busy Thursday with a final dinner with Marie and Danielle and a teary goodbye to the former, who had an out of town business meeting and couldn’t see you off to the airport. 

You’d packed your bags in the evening after dinner and double checked everything in the morning before Danielle came to get you for your final breakfast together. With your bags packed and in the trunk of the car, you’d stopped at a café. You still had two hours before you had to head to the airport for your 2 o’clock flight and your chest was tight with the bittersweet ending of your adventure. 

You’d spent yesterday morning and last night after packing, praising yourself in the mirror and even though it had still felt a little awkward, you were already starting to feel a little change. It had given you a lot of time to think about who you were and who you wanted to be and as Danielle went to go pay the bill before you left for the airport, you had another moment to think about it.

One of the biggest things you’d noticed about yourself so far, was the lack of trust you had…in yourself. Maybe that stemmed from the fact that your dad had died and you weren’t able to do anything to stop it, maybe it’s because growing up after that, you were afraid to say no, afraid to hurt others in the way that you felt you been hurt by your dad’s absence. Or maybe you just didn’t trust that you could make sound and reasonable decisions. 

Whatever the reason behind your lack of trust in yourself, you began to take note of what others around you were doing to build themselves up. Danielle and Marie were two of the strongest women you’d ever met. Danielle had scars both physical and emotional from her surgery and the baby that she’d given away. Marie had started an empire and carried it on her back, despite the scrutiny of her time that a woman couldn’t create and run a successful company. 

You admired them deeply; wanted to be like them in many ways. Over time you realized you couldn’t actually be them…but you could be you, and that was pretty great too. You had a lot of great things going for you, a lot of really good qualities. Sure, you had things to work on, had done things that you weren’t proud of…Taehyung came to mind, but you had resolved to become your best self. You were done living your life in the shadows, feeling so afraid of yourself and the power you possessed, not just as a human being, but as a woman. You were done beating yourself up over the person you weren’t and you were ready to love yourself for the person you already were. 

Sitting here in this Parisian café, dressed in your ebony peplum pea coat and cherry red beret feeling more confident than you had in your entire life, you were ready; ready for this change. “You ready to go?”

You glanced up, watching as Danielle came to stand in front of your table and you smiled, grabbing your bag and standing. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You said, linking your arm with hers. 

“I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks. Time really does fly.” Danielle moped and you pouted over at her as she closed the car door behind her. 

“It really did go way too fast.” You agreed.

“Will you ever come back to Paris?” Danielle asked, reaching over and linking your hands together. 

“I hope so” You said, squeezing her fingers in yours, “And of course you know if you’re ever in my area you’ve got to drop by and say hello.”

“It would be a crime if I didn’t.” She insisted. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

“Promise to keep me updated on everything, especially with Taehyung. I need to know how that all goes, I’m too curious to be left in the dark.”

You laughed, “I promise to give you the scoop, but don’t get your hopes up either. I was pretty unfair to him; I wouldn’t blame him if he still doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Please, look at you. He’ll definitely want to talk.” She grinned, nudging your shoulder and you rolled your eyes at her. 

Once you’d reached the airport and said your goodbyes, you lugged your bags through check in and security and then made your way towards the gates. It had only been two weeks but felt like it had been a lifetime. You’d learned so much while you were here. 

Staring out the window at your plane, you sighed. You needed to make a plan, figure out how you could ever convince Taehyung how sorry you were and how willing and ready you were to actually give him a chance. 

In the end, it had never been about him and all about you. You hadn’t loved yourself enough to realize that you were worthy of the love he was trying to give you. You weren’t willing to face the heartbreak of rejection so you pushed him away without ever really giving him a chance. 

Now you realized you’d not only hurt him, but you’d hurt yourself. You were unwilling to do that anymore; to be the destroyer of your own happiness. You were so ready to love yourself, to be your biggest cheer leader. You were ready to face the fact that you were deserving of the love people wanted to give you. You smiled at your reflection in the mirror, the same young woman from two weeks ago, but so different too. You felt powerful, like there was nothing you couldn’t do. You were confident and comfortable in your own skin. Your body wasn’t perfect, you had little spots and cellulite in places you weren’t thrilled about; but this body had gotten you through so much and was always ready to get up and go forward in the morning. It was time your spirit caught up. You loved it in all of its little imperfections and intricacies and in learning to love the outward side of yourself, you were learning to love who you were on the inside too. 

Sarah was right, you were one hell of a woman and you were no longer afraid to admit it. Take off was bittersweet; leaving behind the country and opportunity that had allowed for so much growth in your photography and even your confidence was a little scary, leaving with it a feeling of whether or not you could continue when you returned to old habits; but you refused to allow the everyday of your life to retract the progress you’d made. You were too driven. 

It was late when you landed, but despite the hour, your family was still there to greet you. Your mom squealed, arms open wide as you jogged towards her, laughing at her excitement. “Oh my gosh!” She gasped, poking at your beret when she’d stood back. “You look so Parisian.”

You grinned, rolling your eyes, “What does that even look like?” 

“Like that.” Ben chuckled, pulling you into a hug. “Welcome back, Tuck.”

“Thanks Benny boo.” You smiled and he groaned, grabbing at his chest in complaint. 

“Hey Paul.” You said as he pulled you into a firm bear hug. 

“How are you kiddo?”

“Super glad to be off that plane.” You admitted, stretching your back when you’d been released. “Economy is not where it’s at.”

Ben worked his arm around your shoulders and the four of you made your way to baggage claim through the handful of late-night stragglers off other planes. “Still can’t believe you went to Paris. Of course, my kid sister gets to do all the cool things.”

“Hey, don’t complain at me, mister. You’re the one who applied for a job at our old high school. You could have tried for that overseas job.”

Ben shrugged as your group came to a stop by your baggage claim, “You know I’m too conventional for that. I want the adventure, but turns out I’m too lame for it.”

“Can’t argue there,” you nodded and Ben laughed, smacking your arm. 

“Be nice to your big brother!” He frowned and you wriggled your eyebrows up and down at him. 

“It’s pretty cold out there,” Your mother said, linking her arm through yours, “Did you bring a bigger coat or just that?”

“This is surprisingly warm, actually.” You said, “but you know I went out with a bigger coat, I just packed it in my check in.”

“You might want it on.” Paul smiled, zipping his own coat up, “we’re having a bit of a cold snap right now.”

After grabbing your luggage, you followed your family back to the car, loading everything in and finally laying your head against the window. You were exhausted. It was just after midnight by the time you left the airport and after a full day of traveling you were so ready to fall asleep for at least 12 hours. 

Conversation was light for the next 20 minutes, mostly your family talking and you drifting in and out of sleep and conversation. By the time you made it back to your house you were nearly asleep. Ben and Paul helped you bring your luggage back up to your room and you made your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth. 

“It’s good to have you back, Tuck.” Ben smiled, kissing your forehead and you smiled up at him around your tooth brush.

“Are you staying the night?” You asked, pulling your brush from your teeth and turning to face him. 

“Yeah, it’s winter vacation for us too so mom and Paul said I could stay for the last week of your break and then I’ll head back to my apartment.”

“See you in the morning, then.” You said softly, waving him away and he nodded, heading to his childhood bedroom to sleep.

                                                            ****

The next morning you woke to a fresh snow and a mild headache. Jet lag was far worse heading over to Paris, but you knew you couldn’t completely escape the time zone difference so you stretched lethargically before stepping from your bed and making your way to the bathroom, fingers digging into an itch in your back.

“Morning sleepy head.” Your mother smiled from the breakfast table after you’d made your way downstairs. “I made breakfast.”

“I see that.” You remarked in amazement, “you really outdid yourself.”

The table was filled with all sorts of delicious foods and your stomach gurgled as you pulled out your chair and sat down. “I can’t decide what to eat first.”

“How about everything?” Paul chuckled, placing down his book and grabbing your plate to fill it with one of everything.

  “Morning.” Ben croaked groggily from the door, shuffling his way to his seat, hair stood up in every direction and his eyes half closed with the remnants of his sleep. 

“My, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Your mother teased and your brother, having a general lack of energy, just yawned in response. “So, Y/N, you have one week before school, what do you want to do with that time?”

“I want to make a game plan.” You said and Ben looked over at you, one eye closed and the other half lidded. 

“A game plan for what?” He mumbled around a mouthful of food. 

“How to apologize to Taehyung.” You murmured, staring down at your food. 

“Did something happen with him?” Your mother asked, taking a sip of her orange juice. 

“Just kind of had a…falling out.” You said, smiling up at her, “he was ready for something more serious than I was and I was too far in my own head. I want to at least talk to him and see if he’s willing to give it one more chance. If not, then at least I’ve tried.”

“That’s a good idea.” Your mom smiled, “tell me more about him; you’ve been so secretive.”

You laughed, taking a drink from your cup, “I don’t really like to talk about things that aren’t for sure yet, you know that. I’ll tell you about him, though. He’s originally from Korea, has a brother and a sister, he’s studying dance and musical performance and he is so talented it’s ridiculous. He lives with a lot of friends from back home and they’re some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’s really good at making me feel like I can do anything. I don’t know, he’s just really cool. Plus, he’s cute.” You grinned.

“As he should be,” your mother nodded. “OK, so you’ll make a game plan. Anything else? I was hoping we could go see a movie or something.”

“Yeah, mom wants someone to go a sappy movie with her.” Ben smirked and your mother swatted his arm.

“It’s not sappy.” She complained. 

“Mom, it’s like hallmark on steroids.” He scoffed and you chuckled.

  “Sure, mom, I’ll go with you. Mostly I just want to relax this week. Eat more than my calorie count allows and lounge on the couch with a blanket and movie.”

“I’m down for that.” Ben agreed, shaggy hair falling into his eyes as he nodded. 

“I want both of you to help me with some things around the house while you’re here,” Paul said over his book and you nodded in understanding.

                                                           ****

After breakfast was over you made your way back to the bathroom for a shower. The steam made you feel warm and lethargic all over again, like climbing back into the toasty heaven that were your sheets. You finished your shower, dressing and getting ready quickly before grabbing a notebook and heading to Ben’s old bedroom, leaving a knock on the solid oak wood panel. 

“Come in.” He called from inside and you twisted the bronze knob, cool in your fingertips, until the door swung open. “Hey,” he smiled from his perch at the top of his bed. “What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you could contribute your man’s insight.” You asked and he patted the spot next to him. 

“Sure, with what?”

“My game plan.” You said, taking the proffered seat. His bed, while unmade and a little messy, was soft and warm, and you sunk into its embrace happily. 

“Ah yes, with that guy Tae something, right?”

“Taehyung, yeah.”

“Ok, so, what have you got so far?” He asked, turning his body so it was facing you, one foot on the floor with the other tucked into the center of his sweats. 

“Honestly,” you sighed, “nothing. That’s the problem; I don’t even know how to start.”

“Well, I guess the only way I can really help is if you give me the details of what happened. Can’t help fix a problem I know nothing about.”

“I was hoping we could avoid that part.” You mumbled.

Ben laughed, “Sorry, Tuck. Time to be forthcoming.” 

You sighed, nodding before delving into the story, watching his face apprehensively as he frowned or grimaced in certain parts and you wrung your hands nervously. 

Ben exhaled loudly when you’d finished, lips puckered forward in thought. “It’s a lot to take in.” He remarked. 

“I know.” You murmured. 

“Well, obviously you both made mistakes, he should have been a little more patient, but you were definitely giving him mixed signals and leading him on.” Ben said gently and you frowned down at your lap, fingers tracing the rings of your notebook. 

“Yeah.” 

“It’s not the end of the world, Tuck, it’s been almost a month, you’ve both had time to calm down. Now you guys just need to talk. I honestly think it’s going to take more than just one chat, though, to be fair.”

“What do you mean?” You pouted and Ben smiled, ruffling your hair.

  “So far, his romantic experience with you has been your body language and words at complete odds. How’s he supposed to know you’re really ready without you proving it…with time?”

Your shoulders deflated. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Sorry, Y/N. He probably doesn’t trust your word much right now and you’re gonna have to show him you’re really serious about him this time. Building back trust takes time. Tell him you are ready and that you want to prove it to him over time and then be consistent. You make the moves to see him and you follow the signals and signs he gives you. And…if he says he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready, you have to respect that. Sometimes we burn our bridges.”

“I hope I haven’t burned this bridge.” You admit, looking up at your brother.

“I’m rooting for you.” He said, taking your hand in his own. 

“Thanks Ben.” You smiled. 

“Dad would be really proud of you, you know?” He said suddenly, and you looked over at him, eyes wide. “You’ve grown a lot over the last few years. When dad died, I feel like our family kind of fell apart. You and I were both really angry and I feel like you’ve spent a lot of time self-sabotaging, making it so that people couldn’t get close enough to hurt you anymore. I’m really proud of how much progress you’ve made. It’s not easy to open yourself up again.”

“What about you? Have you learned to open up again?” You asked.

“Well, I’ve always been a little more open than you,” he teased and you rolled your eyes at him with a smile. “But yeah, I’ve kind of been seeing someone.”

“Really?” You heaved, sliding closer, “tell me all about her!” 

He chuckled, flipping the hair from his eyes, “Her name is Nicole, she’s actually another teacher at my school, teaches AP English.”

“Did Mrs. Lin leave?”

“She retired, yeah. Last year, actually. Nicole and I only started seeing each other about 2 weeks ago, but so far I think there’s a lot of potential; she’s really cool.” 

“I’m excited for you. Really. At least one of us has got the romance department a little more figured out.”

“It’ll be the two of us soon enough. If not Taehyung, it’ll be someone else. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t date, though. You know that, right?”

You smiled, grabbing his shoulder in a tight squeeze. “I know, Ben. Thank you so much for listening. Seriously. Your support makes me feel like I can really do this.”

“You definitely can.” He said. “By the way, mom wanted me to remind you that you still need to open your presents from Christmas.”

“Oh!” You gasped, bouncing from your seat on his bed, “I totally forgot about that. Let’s go downstairs!”

                                                            ****

Later that evening, after you’d had dinner and cleaned the dishes, you were sat in front of the fireplace in your pajamas, book in hand. Paul was watching tv, flipping casually through channels and you could hear your mom and Ben playing chess in the office. You coveted days like these, where you could sleep in and lounge lazily around the house. No responsibilities, just relaxation. 

The downtime gave you the opportunity to think, too. Mostly right now you were thinking about how you missed Paris. All the time in the world and you wouldn’t have been able to explore all the things you’d wanted to. Every cute café, shoved in a small hole in the wall with beautiful vibrant wisteria and vines of honeysuckle hanging from the trellises.  You wish you could have seen them in bloom, but even in winter it was an enchanting sight. 

You missed Danielle a lot, she’d provided you with a lot of insight and a great friendship. You wished you could have brought her back home with you. She wasn’t that much older than you, but she’d taught you so much. 

“Would you be willing to help me in the store tomorrow?” Paul asked, turning his gaze from the tv to rest on you.

“You need me to man the cash register?” You asked, looking up at him. “Yeah, the customers are in need of a pretty face, not just my gruff mug.” He chuckled and you smiled. 

“Sure, I’ve got some time to spare. What time?”

He flipped to a rerun of an old army show, dropping the controller in his lap, brow wrinkled. “Not a super long time, I know it’s your break right now. How about from 11-3? That way I can get Bobby and I a good solid break.”

“Sounds great.” You nodded, flipping your book back open. “I’ve still got the shirt upstairs in my closet.”

“Great. Your brother is coming in tomorrow too, but he’ll be helping in the back with some heavy loading stuff so you may not even see him.”

“Is he going in at the same time as you?” You asked and he shook his head.

“No, he’s actually coming in at the same time as you so maybe you can drive in together.”

“Good. I’ll make him drive.” You grinned.

                                                           ****

The drive to the store was slow in the snow, but the familiar roads and buildings were comforting in their nostalgia. The morning air was still and crisp, leaving a chill in the car that went sweeping into your bones. 

Your breath fogged in front of you, condensation building on the window as you stared out. The streets were mostly empty, despite the hour, but as you made your way further into town the sidewalks became more crowded with people, snow trodden footsteps and the remnants of Christmas decorations. 

Ben pulled into the parking lot of Paul’s garden and home store and locked the doors behind the two of you as you stepped, shivering into the mist covered afternoon. You could see a few customers inside, but it wasn’t overcrowded. 

Moving inside, you shook the cold from your limbs, glancing around the room to find Paul. He stood at the opposite end of the store in the garden section, talking to a man over the top of a large potted gardenia. He waved at the two of you absently and you walked to the back of the store and into the employee break room, sliding your coat from your shoulders and onto the wall hanger by the door. 

“I’m gonna go grab us some aprons.” Ben said, walking into the office and closing the door behind him to get to the shelf. 

The break room was just as you remembered it. Two brown, leather couches, one with a poorly patched hole in the center of one of its seats, an old, wooden table by the sink with a small white fridge and a couple counter tops. There was a small tv sat on a table across from the couches, so you sat down, fidgeting idly with the sleeve of your uniform shirt while you waited for your brother to return. 

“OK,” Ben sighed, making his way back out of the office and closing the door behind him, two grey aprons clutched in one hand. He chucked one into your waiting lap and you stood, fastening it around your waist and behind your back. “Let’s go see where he wants us.”

By the time you returned to the front, Bobby was already ringing up the gardenia customer and Paul was making his way over to the two of you. “Thanks again for coming in.” He smiled, clapping your brother on the shoulder and you waved him off. 

“We’re happy to help.” You replied.

“I’m gonna go ahead and send Bobby on break and get you set up on register, Y/N. Ben, I’ve got a few things I need your help with. When Bobby comes back, I’ll go on break and send him your way, Ben.”

“Sounds good.” Ben nodded. 

“Morning,” Bobby greeted you from his position at the register and you grinned. He was a shorter, slightly stouter man, just a few years older than you, with short, black hair, a rounded nose, and glasses. He was quiet and a little awkward, but a genuinely nice guy and someone you considered a good friend here in the city. 

“How are you?” You greeted as he stepped from the register to allow your uncle to log his information in. 

Bobby shrugged, “can’t complain. Making money to pay for my exorbitant lifestyle, the usual.”

You laughed, patting his arm and stepping back as your uncle made his way passed. “You’ll have to keep me updated on that.”

Bobby made his way back to the break room and Ben and your stepdad walked towards the back of the store, disappearing around the corner. The store wasn’t very busy right now so you grabbed a Home and Garden magazine from beside you and began to flip through to occupy your time. 

Shortly before noon, the bell to the shop chimed and you glanced up as Anna, Sarah, and their mom walked through the door. 

“Y/N!” Sarah squealed, running towards you, Anna hot on her tail and you rounded the register to give them both a hug. “Oh my gosh, we weren’t sure if you’d be here today but tagged along with our mom just in case.”

“Seems like it was a good idea.” Their mom said from behind and you chuckled, giving her a quick hug. 

“Yeah, I just got back the other day and Paul asked Ben and I to come in and help today.”

“Did you buy a beret like we told you to?” Anna asked and you grinned, rolling your eyes at her. 

“Of course, I did. Just wait until you see all the things I got! I’m so excited to show you everything.”

The twins mother made her way to the plant section of the store and you glanced after her, before turning your attention back to your friends. “Well we should hang out before we head back to school. I know you haven’t spent a lot of time with your family, but we’ve spent more than enough with ours.” Sarah teased and Anna nodded vigorously. 

“Sure, you guys know you’re welcome to come over anytime. Why don’t you come over later after dinner and we can watch a movie or something?”

“And by watch a movie you mean gossip about Paris while a movie plays in the background?” Anna said, eyebrows wagging and you laughed. 

“Pretty much.” 

After the twins and their mother had bought what they needed and left the store with see you soon’s, you returned to a sluggish afternoon of the occasional customer question and watching the snow drifts outside the front window. 

Every once in a while, you’d see Ben and Paul lugging heavy plants to the front of the store and Ben would make funny faces about the pain of heavy labor and you’d smile and laugh, waving him away. By the time both Bobby and Paul had taken their breaks and returned, you were ready to get some food of your own so with quick thank you’s from Paul and no problem’s from you and your brother, you both made your way back into the snow, bundled and warm, to head home for food and relaxation. 

You helped your mother make lunch, before the three of you retired to the living room to watch old reruns of The Nanny and eat. It was so nice to be home and have no responsibilities. Even though you missed Paris and you even missed school, there was no way you were going to squander the opportunity to sit around and do absolutely nothing important. 

After dinner, Anna and Sarah came over in their dad’s brand-new Christmas present, a beautiful cherry red Camaro and you remarked on the amazing feat it must have been to convince him to let them drive it. 

Sarah chuckled, “well since we only live a block away, he was willing to allow it. You know if you lived any further, we would have been in the Toyota.”

“This is true.” You nodded your commiseration before grinning and looking at your friends with wiggling eyebrows. “Wanna see my clothing loot?”

“That should not be a question!” Anna insisted and the three of you ran giggling up the stairs into your room. 

You grabbed your suitcase from the floor, flopping it across the middle of your bed and flipping open the top. “You still haven’t unpacked?” Anna asked, sitting at the foot of your bed, one foot tucked into the seat of her jeans. 

You shrugged, “let me live my lazy life.” Pulling some of the clothes from your bag, you began modeling for your friends who indulged you happily with oo’s and aw’s and exclamations of jealousy that made you giddy with excitement. 

“What about your beret?” Anna asked and you smiled, reaching into your closet and putting on the new coat and hat to show them.

“I’m so jealous!” Sarah cried, jumping from the bed and coming to your side to stroke the fabric of your coat. “Feels like wool.”

“It’s a synthetic wool, actually, and it’s so warm!” You gushed. “Also, check out the hat. Do you approve?”

“Very much so!” Anna chuckled, running her finger tips across the brim of your hat. “I hope you brought us souvenirs.” 

“What do you take me for?” You asked, spinning back to your suitcase and pulling out two bags filled with small little goodies and a beret each for your two closest friends who squealed words of thanks and dug through their bags excitedly. 

“Did you get something for Charlotte?” Sarah asked, looking up at you and you nodded, holding another bag up from your suitcase. 

“Duh.”

The three of you spent the rest of the night filling each other in about your separate breaks and the presents you’d gotten and you gushed all about Danielle and Marie and Paris until you were blue in the face and they were green with envy and then you sat down to a movie with popcorn and more conversation until their dad was finally calling them back home and you were climbing back into bed, excited to enjoy the rest of your winter break before returning back to school for the spring semester.

                                                         *****

Thank you sooo much for being so patient and waiting for this 42 page beauty. I’m really happy with this chapter and I hope you love it. Please let me know what you think! I’m desperate for your thoughts and opinions. Haha. We’re almost there, only 3 more chapters! 

Chapter 12

Chapter 14

Copyright © 2017  by taeken-my-heart (Nora.) All rights reserved.

[audreycritter]

The inch-deep ledge was there until it wasn’t. He slipped without warning and gravity yanked Damian down. He dangled from his fingertips on the mountainside. He bit through his lip keeping back the cry it wrenched from his throat and for a long moment, all he did was catch his breath and hold to the rock.

This wasn’t a mission.

It wasn’t a case or a test.

This was just climbing an easy ascent on a camping trip with his family.

He was relatively safe, he reminded himself, while he struggled to calm his racing heart. The harness strapped around his chest and legs was snug, properly fitted, and the rope was secured along the system of carabiners and pitons. Father was above, testing and driving in new pitons where he didn’t trust the old ones.

Damian tried hauling himself back up. His wrist throbbed and once he had a foothold he released those fingers to experimentally twist and flex his arm. It ached dully, likely not more than a minor sprain.

His heart thudded wildly, and in the second he closed his eyes he was entirely alone— the tug of the rope at his waist vanished. He scrambled up the mountainside for the small inset cave Father had pointed out that morning. An abandoned aerie to steal a moment’s rest was something Damian had scoffed at over breakfast. He’d insisted on climbing with Father and Todd, despite the split within him when Grayson wanted to kayak instead.

Kayaking had sounded less exciting but it was Grayson. Then, he had noticed the way Drake was looking at Grayson and the note of excitement in his voice and that made his decision: he was not in the mood to fight for Grayson’s attention from within a single-person craft on noisy water. Then, later, Drake would not be able to accuse him of “hogging” Grayson.

It wasn’t at all because he recognized the look on Drake’s face and empathized in an instant with that feeling, of finding time with their overbooked, overworked older brother. That wasn’t it at all.

Damian preferred climbing.

He preferred climbing until he was huddled on a narrow aerie, panting for breath, with his arm clutched protectively to his chest. He had to recover himself before he was missed.

The wind that blew through his hair was chilled and he shivered. It had the tang of colder wind, and snow, and sour memories of bile-raising pain.

Before he could collect himself, a face swung into view. Todd studied him silently and then rappelled down to hang directly in front of Damian, his feet braced on the ledge.

“What’s up, Tater Tot?”

Damian opened his mouth to reply and his teeth chattered. He clipped them shut again and swallowed.

The sharp edges of Todd’s face softened and with a smooth motion, he swung around and into place beside Damian. A heavy, warm arm was draped around Damian’s shoulders.

“No squirming. We don’t have much space, okay. Not everyone can have your tiny ass.”

“Tt,” Damian managed.

Todd dug in one pocket and pulled out a shiny red package. It crinkled. They were animal crackers— a child’s treat.

“I always carry something on me, just in case.”

“And you say you are nothing like Father,” Damian muttered. He accepted the biscuits nonetheless and poured them into his trembling hands.

“Lion’s mine,” Todd said, plucking one from Damian’s chalked and sweaty palm.

“This is disgusting,” Damian complained, chewing mechanically. His breathing was approaching normal but he felt like he might throw up. Another few chews and that was fading, too.

“Yeah, well, you’re welcome,” Todd said cheerfully. “Ready?”

Damian peered out at the world beyond the tiny shelf and the biscuits were dust in his mouth. The grit of them coated his teeth and tongue, scraping and swelling his throat.

The wind lifted his hair and stole his breath. It dumped frigid water into his veins and his arm didn’t matter, his arm was nothing if he didn’t make it to the top before Mother came in the helicopter because if he was not there at the top waiting, the price for failure would undoubtedly be worse than a broken wrist.

She might even leave him there to try again, and he’d be worse off.

Something unpleasant was squeezing his shoulders and had he fallen? Was he in a crevice, sliding deeper and deeper into abyss? That would explain why his chest was so tight, why everything was so black.

“Bruce!”

The cry was deep and hoarse, from a throat permanently raw from smoke. He recognized that voice, from within his tomb of a crevice. It was a voice that flinched at candles and had left restaurants over nearby tables with cigarettes. What was it doing here?

“Todd?” Damian croaked, from within the blackness. This was all wrong. Mother would certainly punish him for accepting any help, but Todd wasn’t even supposed to be here. By the timeline Damian worked out later, she had likely left him on the mountain to go oversee Todd’s retraining.

Later?

“Shh, you’re good, Little Bird. B’s coming back down.”

Then, the voice, the one that was crushed stone and silk. It had startled him once, how very unlike his expectations it was— it wasn’t a commanding tone reminiscent of Grandfather’s. It was somehow quiet, with softly groomed edges around every hard syllable.

“What happened?”

Right now, it was drenched in concern.

“I don’t know,” Todd answered. “I found him taking a breather and he snapped.”

“Damian,” the voice said. “Look at me.”

Was he an imbecile? Did he not know of the high and crushing walls around them, the fact that they were sliding into deep and bottomless nothing?

“Damian. Open your eyes, son.”

Then, a catch in Damian’s chest released. This was Father. Father who knew the dark better than anyone he’d ever known.

He opened his open eyes, and found they had not been open after all. He blinked into the late morning sunlight, flooding the valley below them. It was a beautiful, cloudless day— something almost like perfect.

It was the sort of day that looked like Grayson.

“Hello,” Father said, looking intently into his face. He was gripping his rope in one hand, leaning back to counterbalance. His gaze flicked to Todd for a second and then back to Damian. Todd was still beside him, arm around Damian’s shoulders, while Damian shuddered.

“Father,” Damian said.

“Let’s get you down,” Father said, offering a hand. “Come with me. I’ll clip your rope to mine.”

“No.” Damian shook his head. “I can finish the climb. I can.”

“Yes,” Father said, craning his neck to look up the rock.

“Bruce, he’s—” Todd started. A single motion from Father made him stop, without a further murmur of protest.

“Do you want to finish the climb?” Father asked. His brow was bent in a furrowed line.

Damian considered this. His wrist throbbed.

“No,” he said, quietly. “I do not.”

“Alright,” Father said. “Let’s go.”

The descent was quick— over an hour of climbing lost in ten minutes of rappelling and belaying ropes and clips. Cassandra, a mere paper doll of human against the broad blue sky, waved from the top when they touched down and unstrapped themselves from harnesses.

She cupped her hands around her mouth, twisting and taking three dimensional shape, and shouted something that didn’t make it to them below. She moved again.

Then Father pulled out his phone.

“She’s hiking down the other side,” Todd read from his own. “To meet Dickie and Tim.”

“Hn,” Father said. He picked Damian up. “Let’s go back to camp.”

“I can walk.” Damian wriggled and pushed against Father’s shoulder. It did not yield.

“Do you want to?” Father asked again.

Damian sighed. He slumped against the broad shoulder, his chin resting there.

“No,” he said.

“Alright,” Father said. He kept walking.

Todd walked behind them, carrying gear and whistling.

At camp, in the fire pit flanked by their two massive tents, it took Father all of a second to notice Damian favoring his wrist. Damian, though reluctant to admit it to himself, may have slightly favored his wrist in hopes of just that. It was wrapped and iced before they ate lunch.

Pennyworth was sitting on the dock when they went to swim in the lake, dozing under a broad umbrella with a book on his chest. Todd pinched the book away and splashed him and Damian laughed at the lightning-quick rap on the back of the head it earned the older boy. The rap was gentle and the smiles easy, and Damian slipped noiselessly into lake water.

Tiny fish nibbled at his toes, he held so still, and then he scared them away kicking off to catch up with Father. They swam laps back and forth between two buoys, until Father stopped abruptly and flipped to float on his back. Damian gave up on the breaststroke and paddled over to him to flop across his stomach.

For a second, they sank, and then they were bobbing up toward the surface again.

“Brat,” Father coughed.

“If you cannot maintain buoyancy under sudden pressure, then I am only doing you a favor providing you opportunities to improve your response time,” Damian said, with a sharkish grin.

“Brat,” Father repeated.

Damian left himself draped there, his head on Father’s chest while water lapped gently against his cheek and buried ear.

“What happened up there, Damian?” Father asked softly, after several minutes of basking in the sun.

“Nothing,” Damian lied.

“Damian.”

“When I was retrieved, after, I thought she would praise me for finishing despite my fractured wrist,” Damian said. He closed his eyes and drifted on Father on the gentle lake tide. “She did not. I learned to set bones. Another lesson. I mastered it quickly.”

Father’s silence was deeper than the lake.

Then he gripped Damian’s arms and tilted, treading water while he hauled him close and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice husky. It was like someone had taken the crushed stone and silk and twisted them into a knotted bundle. It hung in the air, spinning, bumping into the quiver that was Damian’s heart. “I’m sorry, habibi.”

A sob would have been easy to drown in the lake, to duck his head and come up coughing. The wounded whimper that escaped him offered no such quick escape, and Damian’s ears burned.

“Shh,” Father said. “No one is watching.”

Damian buried his face on Father’s shoulder.

“I’m fine,” he said.

“Do you want to be?” Father asked.

“What.” Damian froze.

“You don’t have to be, right now. Nobody is watching.”

Damian wrapped his arms around Father’s neck and his legs as far as he could around Father’s waist, while Father treaded water.

“I want a minute,” Damian said.

“Alright,” Father said.

If Damian wept silently against Father’s shoulder for longer than a minute, Father never told him. When the cracked ribs feeling seeped out of him, Damian pressed a quick kiss to Father’s cheek and slipped beneath the surface. He swam underwater until he was almost beneath the dock, and he crept up to drag his fingers at Todd’s feet like slithering eels.

There was a startled shriek and Damian laughed.

“You little miscreant!” Todd bellowed, immediately dropping his conversation with Pennyworth to dive in after Damian when he fled.

“Father!” Damian screamed, when Todd was gaining on him.

“I think you can handle a single brother,” Father said mildly, swimming for shore. “Unless you can’t?”

“Traitor!” they both yelled in unison, before turning on each other. Damian was dunked before he clambered up Todd’s back and dragged him under with a twist of his hips.

Damian was blue-lipped and shivering when he finally climbed out and wrapped a towel around himself. He sprinted through the woods, leaving Father and Pennyworth and Todd behind. At camp, there was a thick sleeping bag to dive into to warm up.

What he found was even better. Grayson, Drake, and Cass had returned and built up the fire. They were talking in the twilight, and Grayson only glanced at him before throwing wide his arms.

Damian leapt onto him, dripping still, while Grayson complained and laughed and hugged him tight. The folding chair scooted a few inches closer to the fire and Grayson rubbed a hand up and down Damian’s arm.

“You’re like a popsicle,” Grayson said.

“You stink,” Damian retorted.

“Love you, too,” Grayson chuckled. He squeezed him again and dipped his forehead against Damian’s damp hair. “Have a good day?”

“Good enough.” Damian shrugged. “Ghost stories tonight? And s’mores?”

“You read my mind,” Grayson said. “Go get your skinny butt into some clothes. You’re making me cold looking at you.”

“In a minute,” Damian said, snuggling down. He made sure to dig an elbow into Grayson’s side and smirked at the oof he got out of him.

Father and the others emerged from the lake path, and the little curve of a smile on Father’s face at the sight of Dick and Damian was like the sweetness of an ice cream sundae. Damian breathed, deep and slow and full.

The sky was plush navy, speckled with starlight, but it was a day like Grayson:

Warm, and safe, and bright.

[pikapeppa]

(athenril-of-kirkwall) Fenris/Fem!Hawke, “Relic, Wild, Chest” [also aaaaaa my first prompt for you :D ]

Thanks for the prompt, my friend! I’m 25% asleep, so I hope this is up to my usual standards… >_@dadrunkwriting Friday. 

Contains NSFW smut. And Fenris being mean to Merrill. TT^TTRead here on AO3 instead.

*************

There once was a time when Fenris was treated as little more than a beast.

Danarius’s Little Wolf, they called him. He was paraded around the city at Danarius’s side, shown off shirtless during the magister’s blasted parties, ordered to attack and to kill and to rip his master’s enemies limb from limb. He was whipped and beaten and subjugated when he dared so much as curl his lip. When anyone deigned to speak to him, it was as though to an animal; their voices were condescending or fearful, exactly as though Fenris was a rabid wolf: wild but caged, and controlled through cruelty.

At night, when Danarius was asleep, Fenris stretched out on the cot in the tiny room where he slept and stared unseeingly at the ceiling. For hours on end, he focused on the rise and fall of his own ribs. He forced his mind to remain blank, to not revisit the routine ugliness of each passing day: the averted eyes of the other slaves, the covetous stares of the magisters, the unwelcome crawl of Danarius’s fingers on his skin.

But there were nights when he wasn’t able to block out the thoughts. On those nights, the particularly vile nights where oblivion did not seem too terrible an option, Fenris curled up on the cot in the tiny room where he slept. He shoved his pillow against his mouth, and he shoved his fingers through his hair, and he howled.

There was nothing else he could do. He was trapped and chained, a beast with no agency of his own and no choice but to follow the orders of the man who held those chains. So when the despair became almost too great to bear, Fenris released it the only way he could: as a roar of rage.

He gripped his hair until his scalp bloomed with agony. He bit his pillow until his jaw ached, and he screamed and screamed into the silence until he could taste iron in his throat.

That was many years ago. His life was nothing like that anymore. Fenris was no whipped and mindless beast; he was a man who walked on his own two feet with his head held high. He was nobody’s pet, and he was no one’s little wolf. He rarely felt the kind of mind-consuming rage that he used to feel when he’d first come to Kirkwall; he had freedom and friends, and these twofold boons had gone a long way toward softening his rougher edges.

Most importantly of all, Fenris had Hawke. She sauntered at his side with her cheeky smile, those brilliant copper eyes steady on his face as she cracked her jokes and clasped his hand. In Hawke’s irreverent voice and her unabashedly open heart, Fenris had found the kind of calm that he’d never quite managed to achieve on his own.

Unfortunately, habits were hard to break. Being treated as a beast for years on end wasn’t something that could be simply wiped away, and lashing out in a fit of unfettered rage had long been Fenris’s habit. Under the wrong circumstances, his residual rage was still wont to burst forth like maggots from a bloated corpse.

And spending time with Merrill was just the kind of wrong circumstance that brought out the worst of his temper.

“I just don’t understand why you won’t come to the alienage,” the little elf complained. “You only come when Hawke brings you. Don’t you want to get to know the other elves?”

He threw her a scathing look. “You are a hypocrite,” he said bluntly. “You’ve gotten to know them only because you were unable to fix your cursed relic. You have nothing else with which to occupy your time.” He folded his arms and glanced over at Varric. The dwarf was taking an awfully long time to peruse the armour seller’s wares; such errands were much quicker when Hawke was present. Probably because she chooses gifts based on gut instinct rather than logic, he thought idly.

Then he pursed his lips as Merrill’s voice penetrated his thoughts again. “You didn’t answer me,” she said. “Why don’t you like the alienage? Don’t you want to help our people?”

“So it’s ‘our’ people now, is it?” he sneered. “Your former clan made it very clear that I am not a ‘real elf’. And don’t act like you know the plight of the elves. Living among city elves is not the same as being one. You Dalish have privileges that the city elves do not, and still you complain and wave around your alleged heritage as though it’s all that matters.”

“But you’re not a city elf either,” Merrill argued. “Not like the ones in the-”

“No, I am not a normal city elf,” he snapped. “I was a slave. Do you wish to tell me I have greater privilege over them?”

He could hear the snap of rage roughening his words, a perfect reflection of the anger that was simmering in his chest. He pinned Merrill with a fierce glare, but the blasted little mage only pouted.

“Of course not,” she retorted, “not when you were a slave! But you’re free now. You have lots of privileges now. Why don’t you-”

He spun toward her. “Shut your mouth, witch,” he hissed. “You had every opportunity to help the alienage for years, but you sat in your hovel playing with your blood magic toys and whining about a long-forgotten past while people were being mugged right outside your door.”

Merrill opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Fenris took a threatening step toward her. “Do not speak to me of helping,” he snarled. “Do not speak to me of how I have privileges. In fact, do not speak to me at all, not unless you wish me to reach into your open mouth and drag out your heart.”

He waited for her lip to tremble, hoping against hope that she would run away as she usually did, but to his intense displeasure, she squared her shoulders and glared back at him.

“You don’t scare me, Fenris,” she said. “I know you won’t do anything to me.”

Fenris glared at her with a fresh surge of fury. She was far too bold, too confident in her own misbegotten magic. This is exactly what I warned Hawke about, he thought. He could practically see the undeserved power writhing behind Merrill’s eyes and begging to be set free.

“And what will you do?” he retorted. “Will you strike me down? Suck the life from my veins with that malevolent magic of yours?”

Her perky little face creased with anger, and Fenris’s own ire was only further goaded by her indignation. “Go on,” he hissed, “curse me. Cut your wrists. I dare you to try. Templars are roaming every street corner. Let them drag you off to the Circle. I, for one, would not mourn your loss.”

She scowled at him for a moment longer, then finally took a step back. “You’re lucky Hawke isn’t here,” she said. “She wouldn’t like hearing you be so mean.” She turned on her heel and stalked away.

“If you think I won’t tell her about this, you’re wrong,” he shouted after her. He glared at her retreating back for a moment, then folded his arms and turned around to face the market again.

Then he realized that the myriad occupants of Hightown’s market were staring at him. “Uncivilized knife-ears,” someone muttered.

Fenris speared the speaker with a withering sneer until she hurried away, then hunched his shoulders defensively and strode over to Varric’s side.

Varric shot him a casual little glance. “So I guess inviting both you and Daisy on this shopping trip wasn’t the best idea.”

“It stuns me that you thought it would be,” Fenris said acidly. He certainly hadn’t expected Merrill to be here when he’d accepted Varric’s invitation to find Donnic a nameday gift.

“Ah, you know me,” Varric said. “I’m a hopeful kind of guy.” He waved good-bye to the armour seller, then gazed thoughtfully up at Fenris for a moment before shrugging. “Anyway, let’s keep going. We’re running out of time. Lowtown bazaar?”

Fenris shook his head. “I can’t do this right now,” he muttered. “I am going back to Hawke’s.” The occupants of the market were still staring at him, their faces filled with fear and scorn and condescension, and the market was too exposed. Fenris felt too raw to cope with any more human contempt right now.

Varric raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one who knows Donnic the best. The party’s tonight. You really have to go right now?”

“Yes,” he snapped, then took a deep breath to calm his temper. The fight wasn’t Varric’s fault, after all.

In a calmer voice, he said, “Yes. I will join you shortly at the Hanged Man.”

“All right, fine,” Varric grumbled. “Don’t be too long. Hawke only gave me one job for this party.”

Fenris grunted his assent, then loped off toward Hawke’s mansion as swiftly as he could without drawing further undue attention.

As he made his way through Hightown’s bright and busy streets, he ruminated over the argument with Merrill. He hadn’t thought it was possible for her to be more infuriating than she already was, but her growing familiarity with the city elves seemed only to reinforce her insistence that the so-called old ways needed to be restored.

She’s a hypocrite, he thought angrily as he slid past a harried-looking Chantry brother and a group of gossiping noble girls. Accusing me of not helping, when she does not even truly understand their plight. Merrill was a fantasist, a naive and spoiled child stuck in half-forgotten dreams of the past. Hawke had told him how Merrill cleaned her blasted broken eluvian every night, the only fastidiously kept item in her messy little hovel. Letting her keep the evil thing would come back to bite them one day; Fenris was sure of it.

We should have made her break it, he thought. He was fuming by the time he let himself into the Amell mansion. “Hawke?” he called.

“Back here!” Her voice emanated from the study, and Fenris followed the sunny sound as she continued to talk. “Did you get the gift already? That was fast. I hope you got him a fancy shaving kit. Aveline might disagree, but I think Donnic’s sideburns are getting a tad out of hand.” She looked up from the sloppy pile of decorations on her desk and smiled as he entered the study, but her smile fell as soon her eyes landed on his face.

“Oh shit. What’s wrong?” she asked.

Merrill is a blood mage, that’s what’s wrong, he thought acerbically. He took a deep breath, ready to launch into the familiar argument for the umpteenth time.

“Do you think I have done nothing to help other elves?” he said instead.

Hawke’s eyebrows shot up, and Fenris closed his mouth, equally surprised at what he’d said.

She eyed him carefully. “Well, that was unexpected. What brought this on?” she asked.

He frowned. This wasn’t what he’d meant to talk about, but now that it was out there…

He leaned against Hawke’s desk and folded his arms as he began to explain. “Varric invited Merrill, as well,” he said. “She said I do nothing to help the city elves, simply because I don’t like visiting the alienage.”

Hawke brushed her spiky bangs out of her eye as she glanced at him. “And since when do you listen to Merrill?”

He shot her an annoyed look, and she put down the decorations and soothingly stroked his arm. “You do avoid the alienage as much as possible,” she gently pointed out. “I’ve always wondered a bit about that.”

He shrugged bad-temperedly. “I don’t need to go there to see how badly my race is treated. I have seen and lived through far worse.” He irritably flicked a speck of dirt from his gauntlet. In truth, the alienage was a constant reminder that he was one of the few elves who had succeeded in escaping the poverty and much of the persecution that plagued their race. It was undeniable that Fenris’s current circumstances were actually quite fortunate indeed.

This fact needled him, somehow. Hawke had always encouraged him to enjoy his freedom, to take pleasure in the pleasant life he now led, and for the most part, he did. But going to the alienage made it hard to do that. The worst was over for him, but for many elves - elves who were not so different from Fenris - the hardships of their lives might never cease, and going to the alienage was a glaring reminder of that.

Whether they would agree or not, the city elves were trapped. Like pigs in a pen, they were corralled into the smallest and shittiest part of Lowtown. They were spat on and talked down to, treated no better than beasts. And Fenris hated remembering how it felt to live that way.

He angrily ran a hand through his hair, and Hawke placed a placating hand on his chest. “Hey,” she said softly. “Look at it this way. You’ve murdered piles of slavers, right? Slavers pray on elves more than anyone else, and no one has racked up quite the body count that you have. That must count for something, right? That’s helping.”

He shrugged again, not feeling entirely reassured. The more he thought about it, the more he began to wonder if maybe, for once in her life, Merrill was right.

Hawke reached up and gently stroked his chin. “You are helping people, Fenris,” she said. “We’re always running around doing all these bloody good deeds, right? It might not always be elves that we’re helping, per se, but… well, there are only so many hours in a day for everything we get asked to do.” She grimaced comically. “I’m not helping much, am I?”

He hesitated before replying, and Hawke gave a little laugh and leaned against him. “Sorry,” she said. “I guess this is the kind of help you can expect from a shem.” She lifted her head and looked up at him. “Am I using that word correctly?”

He smirked at her, a bit of his ill humour fading in the face of her endearing foolishness. “Yes,” he said. “But it’s usually reserved for the kind of human that would call me a knife-ear.”

She gasped in mock horror. “Go wash your mouth with soap, young man. I won’t have such filthy fucking language in my house.” She kissed him noisily on the cheek, then turned back to her desk. “If you’re finished your errand, can you help me decorate?”

Fenris reluctantly pushed away from the desk. “I would, but… we haven’t quite gotten Donnic’s gift yet,” he admitted. “I am due to meet with Varric at the Hanged Man.” Truth be told, he would rather remain here; he was still feeling irritable, and he wasn’t in the mood to leave the house again.

Hawke shot him a smirk. “And you think you’ll find a gift at the Hanged Man? Well, I suppose you could get him a bottle of something. But then he’ll just think we hate him.” She picked up an orange silk banner from the desk, then stepped onto her desk chair and onto the desk itself.

She unfolded the banner and stood on her tip-toes to reach for a small hanging peg in the wall, and Fenris idly watched the rising hem of her short silken skirt as she stretched her arms overhead. She stretched a bit further, and her skirt rode a bit higher, and Fenris was suddenly distracted from his disgruntlement: he’d noticed something interesting.

Very interesting, in fact.

He stepped up to the desk and lifted the hem of Hawke’s skirt.

Hawke squealed with surprise and smacked his hand, but it was too late; his suspicions had been confirmed. “Where are your underpants?” he demanded.

She pulled the edge of her skirt down to cover her bare buttock, then grinned down at him. “Hanging to dry,” she said. “I forgot to ask Orana to do the laundry.” She shrugged defensively. “I was too busy planning this party! It’s been so long since we had something to celebrate!”

He didn’t reply. He couldn’t think. His body was suddenly thrumming with lust, a heady and entirely unexpected rush that filled his cock and burned through his fingertips and his face.  

He lifted his eyes back to hers, and he watched with a dark kind of satisfaction as her cheeks began to redden. “Come down from there,” he said.  

She smiled slowly at him. “I can’t. I have set-up to do.” She turned around to fully face the wall, and Fenris’s hungry eyes fell onto her ass again.

She reached up to hang the banner, and he stared as the slippery fabric of her skirt slid up to reveal the undercurve of her butt. “Setting up can wait,” he growled. Then he slid his palm up the back of her calf.

She laughed and kicked at him. “Hands off, you pervert! At least help me with… with this, uh… this banner thing.”

He smirked as she trailed off distractedly, and for good reason; his fingers were sliding smoothly up the back of her thigh.

“No,” he said. “Not until you get down off the desk.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” she said, and Fenris smirked more broadly still at the breathless sound of her voice. Then she bent toward the wall, curving her lower spine so the edge of her skirt slid higher still.

Minx, he thought darkly. She was purposely goading him, and it was so damned effective. His lust was growling more loudly now, roiling low in his belly and demanding to be fed as he stared at the half-hidden cleft of her bottom.

He pulled off his gauntlets, then curled his fingers around her tender inner thigh and savoured her breathless gasp as he slid his fingers higher, up to the juncture of her thighs. “Fine,” he said brusquely. “Stay right where you are, then.” He eyed her perfectly presented bottom, which was right at his eye level. He didn’t need her to come down, after all; the height of her desk was perfect for his purposes.

He unceremoniously shoved the decorations off the desk, and Hawke tutted loudly. “That was rude,” she scolded. “You’d better not have broken anything.”

He ignored her words and tapped her ankle. “Spread your legs,” he said.

She huffed out a laugh, but obeyed his instruction. “Andraste’s tit, you are so bossy. I could get used to - oh - oh fuck!”

She jolted back toward his face. He’d shoved her skirt up roughly, and now his tongue was sliding along the length of her cleft, slipping through her sweet-and-salty musk as she spread her legs even further and leaned against the wall.

Fenris licked hungrily at her moisture for a moment, then lifted his head. “Where are Orana and Bodahn?” he asked, and he slid a finger through her slippery heat.

She panted and tilted her hips toward him, then smirked over her shoulder. “You’re only now thinking to ask?”

“Answer the question,” he growled, and Hawke released a sunny little laugh. “I gave them the day off,” she said. “But they’ll be back for the party -”

“Good,” he said. Then he bent his head low and licked her again.

“Maker’s fucking breath, Fenris,” she whined, then leaned her head against the wall as he lapped at her pussy. He teased her swollen little bud and tasted every slick fold as she pressed her hips back toward his face. She tasted so delightfully raw, and the pleasured sounds that ghosted from her lips were like music to his ears, and everything about her was calling to him, calling to the furious roaring lust that had rushed over him so suddenly, subsuming his irritation and his unease and his ire until all that was left was need.

He needed to hear her cries. He needed to feel her pulsing around his cock. That was the only thing that would lessen this heady burn of want that was making him feel so rough.

He angled his head slightly and lapped at her clit with the flat of his tongue, and then Hawke was breathing hard, loud gasping breaths that seemed to rasp through her chest until suddenly she threw back her head.

“Fenris!” she screamed.

She shuddered against the wall, and Fenris growled into her flesh, delving his tongue inside of her for a moment before resuming the smooth circling of her clit with the tip of his tongue. a A long moment later, she reached behind herself and stroked his ear.

He leaned away from her and roughly wiped his face on his hand. “Get down off the desk,” he commanded, and even he could hear that his voice was more gravelly than usual.

She shakily turned around, and Fenris helped her hop down off the desk. She almost fell as soon as her feet touched the ground, and he hastily wrapped his arms around her to support her weight.

She gripped his shoulders convulsively as she grinned at him. “Fuck’s sake,” she breathed. “I can barely walk.”

“Then don’t,” he said. He half-carried her over to the fireplace, then released her and jerked his chin at the rug in front of the fire. “Get on your knees,” he said.

She swiftly obeyed and watched with wide eyes as he untied his belt. “I could get used to this,” she panted. “You being in charge, calling the shots, deciding what we do…”

He quickly freed his manhood from his breeches. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure what was compelling him to be so authoritative, but as long as Hawke didn’t mind, he wasn’t going to stop. “Turn around,” he said.

She shuffled close to him, then planted her palms on his thighs. “I have a better idea,” she purred, then she took his full length into her mouth.

Fenris gasped as his cock slid into the hot depths of her throat. She pumped her lips along his length, taking him firm and deep until her nose brushed his belly, and Fenris watched as she dropped one hand from his thigh to the curls between her legs. She caressed herself while suckling him hard, pulling his pleasure from his belly to the very surface of his skin. Within minutes, she was shaking and whimpering against his cock as she came for the second time.

Fenris gasped and groaned under the ministrations of her mouth, and when Hawke pulled away to draw a gasping breath, he gripped her chin. “Turn around, Hawke,” he rasped. “I need you now. Right now.”

She nodded eagerly, then leaned forward on her elbows as she spread her legs, and Fenris took a moment to admire the perfect pose of her body. He slid a reverent hand over the smooth golden skin of her backside, then took hold of her hips and slammed himself in deep.

She cried out in rapture, and within seconds they were fucking each other hard, his fingers tight in her hips as she bucked back against him with the same heated fervour as he was driving in. Her eagerness was as ripe as his own, obvious in the desperation of her bucking hips and the delicious wetness that was coating his cock as thoroughly as her thighs. Fenris gritted his teeth as he fucked her, his rapture rising steadily from his abdomen into his chest and higher to roil in his throat - at the back of his tongue - pressing against his clenched teeth -

“Venhedis,” he gritted, and then he cried out as his climax smashed over him. He squeezed his eyes shut, lights bursting behind his eyelids as he tried desperately to suck in a breath, and when he finally succeeded at pulling air back into his lungs, he expelled it in a rush as he bent over Hawke’s prone form.

Fenris breathed hard against her back, relaxing into the rise and fall of her ribs beneath his cheek. Once his heartbeat had slowed, he withdrew from her and carefully rearranged her skirt.

She released a breathless laugh. “Don’t bother,” she said. “Just one more thing that I’ll need to throw in the laundry.” She flopped onto her back with a happy sigh.

Fenris refastened his breeches and stretched out beside her, and she grinned impishly at him. “Well, that was amazing,” she said.

He shuffled close and slid his arm around her waist. Every scrap of his anger was burnt out now, expelled as thoroughly as though he’d been cleansed of a demon. He gently rubbed his cheek against her neck. “It was not my intention to be so rough,” he said softly.

“Don’t be silly. You were hardly rough,” she said. She tweaked his ear playfully. “You should come fuck me more often when you’re mad. My words are rubbish, but that’s a way I can most certainly help.”

Fenris tenderly brushed a lock of hair back from her forehead. “Don’t discount yourself,” he said. “This is not the only way you help. You always listen, Hawke. Even when you don’t agree with me. I have always cherished that.”

Her jocular smile softened, and she stroked his cheek with her knuckles. “Of course, you handsome fool,” she murmured. “Whatever you need. I’m all yours, you know.”

He brushed her cheek with his nose. “I know,” he whispered. Then, for the first time that afternoon, he kissed her rosy lips.

Fenris was nobody’s pet, and he was no one’s little wolf. He rarely felt the kind of mind-consuming rage that used to plague him when he was trapped under Danarius’s thumb. But on those rare occasions when his anger rose up, rearing its ugly head and threatening to steal his hard-won happiness, Hawke was there.

She made him laugh with her foolish tongue, and she offered him her open heart. She helped him find the calm that he’d never quite managed to find on his own. For this - and for so many other reasons, so many that he couldn’t stop to count - Fenris would love her forever.