#my subconscious is already queueing up the music

[jedi-bird]

Partner just got annoyed with me when I told them to stop trying to show me a video about a ride I used to run. It's like, dude, there's nothing about that park that you can show me that I already don't know. I'm up to date on most new announcements whether I want to be or not because of friends who still work there. And they more than anyone should know just how much ptsd I got from that specific ride. Like, I love my partner but I will start screaming over this.

[lucyjay]

Silver (b.bh)

||You and Baekhyun have been friends for the past couple years. What happens when you both develop feelings for each other but no one has the courage to admit it?

Genre: smut (a bit of fluff)

Warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption, teasing, unprotected sex ( balloon your baboons fellahs), dirty talk, oral sex, fingering, cum play, throat fucking, hair pulling, multiple orgasms

Words: 6.5k  

 You throw a final look at your reflection in the mirror and sigh. I look like shit, you think to yourself and make your way to the bathroom to finish straightening your hair. The last thing you are in the mood for is clubbing but guess who won’t take no for an answer?your friend Nat who borderline blackmailed you into either joining her and your friends tonight or finding all your embarrassing high school photos displayed on your insta tomorrow morning. 

 After managing to make your hair not look like you got out of a cat fight, you put on some make up which for you consists of 3 simple steps. Step 1, hiding the black shopping bags that jewel your under eyes, Step 2, some blush so that you don’t resemble a ghost and Step 3, mascara. The final result looks better than you anticipated when you started getting ready over an hour ago. 

A simple black baggie-t’shirt style dress, a pair of black boots, your straight hair naturally hugging your shoulders, falling all the way down to your waist and last your make up which thank god hides the fact that you’ve worked a total of 60 hours this week. It’s a nice, fresh spring night and you reckon you’d be okay without a jacket on. You throw your keys, phone and credit card in a small bag and make your way out of your apartment. Your find your uber already waiting for you outside the main entrance of the building, you jump in and decide to give your friend a call to check if they are already at the club. 

 “Hola”, her high pitched voice makes you chuckle, she still sounds like a 5 year old girl just like when you first met her. 

 “Hola. Sooo, I’m on my way, I should be there in like 20′ max. Who else is coming? Please tell me Sehun and Taeyong will be there? Taeyong promised he would make time if i joined you”, you protest already used to one of your best friends, Taeyong canceling on you lastminute.com because of work. 

 “They are already with me babe and we should reach the club in 10′ or so. Sara and Jaebum are coming as well, Bam is DJ’ing, oh and ahm”, she pauses and your heart starts racing subconsciously knowing what she is about to say. “..Baekhyun is coming”. You swear at her for not letting you know earlier and she mumbles apologies which leave you completely untouched. 

 “Nat, you did it on purpose”, you try to keep your tone calm only because your uber driver is already giving you some “lady keep your voice down” looks through the rear mirror. 

 “I didn’t but even if I did so what? We are all friends and it’s completely childish of both of you to put us in a position where we have to go out with each of you separately. Bam is worried and Sehun is having abandonment issues”, she whines dramatically and you hear Sehun in the background screaming, “I just want my friends back, oh god, please”, a fake cry following his oscar-worthy performance as you hear Taeyong burst into laughter a bit further in the background. 

 “Ok ok! I don’t care. I’m done playing his little games anyway. I wanna drink and have fun. See you in a bit”, you reply and hang up. The uber has reached the city centre and your gaze in boring outside the window looking at the people and the buildings but not really paying attention to anything. All you can think about is him. How things have completely gone to shit when they were so promising. You and Baekhyun met a a couple years ago when he started hanging out with Sehun who he met at work. The latest then brought him into your group and he clicked with all of you straight away. 

Fast forward to a a few months ago, you were at one of BamBam’s house parties chilling and chatting away when he confessed that he likes you and he has been into you since the day he met you catching you completely off guard. You, having been crushing on the boy since the moment you laid your eyes on him, did what no 26 year old, sane woman would do and just bailed. Literally left him there, drink in hand, mouth hanging open in shock and you just left the house, got inside a taxi and went home. You were so embarrassed over your reaction and disappointed in yourself for ruining the perfect chance to be with the biggest crush you’ve had since middle school, that you couldn’t even bring yourself to message an apology to him. A few days later you all met at a cafe and that’s when it started. He was so cold and sulky towards you and who could blame him? But he was overdoing it to the point that it started pissing you off. You couldn’t get him to talk to you alone and eventually managed to get you to not stand being with him in the same room. Every time you met since then, it was just a verbal war between the two of you, full of sneaky insults and hurtful jokes with a drizzle of swear words and some whipped sarcasm on top.

 “It’s just one night out. How bad can it get?”, you whisper only for your own ears to hear you. The uber slows down outside the club, you thank your driver and step out of the vehicle, gently closing the door behind you. The queue for the club isn’t too long and you can spot Nat,Tae and Sehun waiting on the left side where the VIP queue is forming. Sehun waves at you eagerly and you make your way to their direction. 

 “At least she is wearing a dress and not pyjamas”, Sehun teases and lifts you up in a hug that made you almost gasp for air. 

 “I am overworked, not lame. I now how to dress for a night out”, you spit back faking annoyance and the younger boy raises his hands in defence. 

 “Tough week at work?”, Taeyong asks as all four of you walk towards the entrance of the club. 

 “Everybody decided to get married at the end of summer apparently, so considering that I have to organise 9 weddings within the next 4 months, I would say tough year.”, you pause and your eyes follow the direction Taeyong is looking at and...there he is. Locking his car dressed like a bloody model straight out of a Vogue photoshoot. Black jeans, loose blue shirt, a silk navy blue scarf around his neck and a pair of black boots. “...and it’s not about to get better”, you finish your sentence. 

 Him being ridiculously attractive should have been something you were used to by now, but you haven’t seen him in almost a month and in all honesty you almost forgot how easily he makes your entire body go numb just by standing there not even looking at you. Too lost in your own thoughts you haven’t noticed him standing next to you greeting the others, ‘till he turns his attention to you. His hair is silver. Fuck him and his ability to look good in everything. Fuck him and his gorgeous face, you think to yourself. 

 “Your hair is longer”, he says in the most indifferent tone. Is this his idea of a greeting? Asshole, you think.

 “Your hair is bloody silver”, you reply, your eyes not leaving his. He serves you a slight side smile and you can feel the insides of your palms getting sweaty.

 “Looks good doesn’t it?”, he throws a rhetorical question not really waiting for an answer. You tsk and roll your eyes at him while quickly turning to get inside the club. BamBam was near the entrance to greet you and show you which table he reserved for you and your friends. You follow him and he leaves you shortly after to go and prepare his station for his set next to the man currently DJ’ing. 

 “I’m gonna go get drinks, what do you want?”, Baekhyun asks the rest of you.

 “Let’s just get a bottle”, Nat proposes and you nod. “tequila or Vodka?”, she asks. 

 “Tequila”, you and Baekhyun shout in unison and you turn to look at each other. Are the lights in here making him look even more attractive or is it just you being horny for him? You give yourself a mental slap. 

 “Tequila is good”, Sehun adds. Baekhyun makes his way to the bar and Nat moves to your side, leaning next to your ear so that she doesn’t need to scream on top of the music. 

 “Make a move”, she says and you almost choke on your own spit. 

 “Are you insane? Haven’t you been around lately? I guess not. Let me fill you in. In the last episode of Season 2, he hates me. End of story”, you reply and she chuckles. 

 “He doesn’t hate you. He is just still hurt by your reaction back then. And you are clearly into him. Like, it’s clear like the sun. Like, I can see you undressing him with your eyes. I could legit-...” 

 “That’s enough! I got your point”, you cut her off and really wish Baek could get his ass there already cause you swear you would love to down that entire bottle of tequila right now. 

 “Babe, talk to him. It’s a shame. You have had feelings for each other for so long. You can’t just..leave it.”, she says and her tone is soothing and understanding. You turn to look at her and nod causing her to smile widely and clap her hands like a little kid who just got her birthday gift. A minute later Baek shows up with two bottles of tequila inside a bucket and a waitress follows right behind him with a tray full of glasses and ice which she lays on your table. 

A few drinks down and you find yourself relaxed enough to be dancing with Taeyong like there’s no tomorrow, rocking some crazy moves  perfectly nsync with BamBam’s wild beats.  Taeyong’s hands are on your waist and you rest your head on his shoulder, your back against his chest as you sing every single lyric of the song currently blasting.

 “I need another drink”, he screams over the music. You nod and make your way to the table where you find Nat and Sehun talking to Jaebum and Sara, a couple Nat met whilst on holidays in Japan, who happened to be from the same city as the rest of you. You chat with them for a few minutes, sipping on your drink when you realise you haven’t seen Baekhyun since returning to the table. After scanning the area around you, your gaze falls on Nat’s who mouths a silent “outside” to you, as if she has read your thoughts. You excuse yourself and make your way through the intoxicated crowd, eventually reaching the exit of the club. You step on the pavement and look up and down both directions to see if you can spot Baek. On the left side of the doors, a few meters away you can distinguish a frame that looks like him. You slowly make your way towards the man and after a few steps you can see his face clearer under the dull lighting the lamppost covers the corner of the street with. He was staring at the ground, cigarette in between his index and middle finger. You clear your throat and he turns to look at you. 

 “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you”, he says calmly, taking a puff of his cigarette, quickly letting a line of smoke out of his nostrils.

“You smoke”, you say and it’s more like a realisation and less like a question. Your stare drifts off of his face and down to his feet as if his shoes are the most interesting thing to you. 

 “Yes, got a problem with that?’, he turns to look at you and you raise your head to meet his eyes. You can’t read him. You never could. He looks unbothered yet sounds annoyed. It’s so frustrating and you swear at yourself for even thinking of approaching him. You scoff and turn to leave, sure that you’re clearly not wanted there. 

 “That’s the second time”, he says and his voice is low but you can sense a weak scent of irony lingering at the end of his word. You stop in your trucks and turn to face him. 

 “What was that?”, you ask. 

 “It’s the second time you walk away from me. There won’t be a third”, his statement catches you off guard but you’re not planning on letting him see the affect his words have on you. 

 “I suppose you came out here to get some air, I wanted to check if you’re alright but you’re clearly not up for a chat. Am I wrong for thinking that the best thing to do was to excuse myself?”, you regret the slight sarcasm in your words which was completely unintended. His attention lands on your face. There’s at least 2 meters distance between yourself and him but for some reason you feel like you’re suffocating. His presence is so strong that you can’t even think straight. Without taking his eyes off of yours, he throws his cigarette somewhere to the side and with two steps he is standing right in front of you. You can smell the smoke on him but it doesn’t bother you; his cologne in combination with his addictive natural scent are enough to make your head hazy. He shouldn’t be able to affect you like this. 

 “Excuses”, his voice comes out like a loud whisper and you feel embarrassed at how it makes your entire lower body go numb and the sensitive area between your legs pulsate. His stare is so heavy that it almost makes you feel small. He moves a bit closer to you and you can almost feel his body touching yours.

 “Baekhyun, I’m...”, your voice fades out unable to complete the sentence. Your eyes still on his like magnets. You can’t see anything around you but him.

“Finish your sentence Y/N”, he says calmly. You gather all the courage you could before you allow the confessions that you have been battling all these months, come out. It’s so hard but you know you have to. You have to give it a shot.

 “I’m sorry. For that day.”, you say and his features rest in a slight shock which only encourages you to continue. 

“I’m sorry i left you like that and that I didn’t explain myself. I’m sorry that I never called you after what happened. But what I’m not sorry about is what happened afterwards. You were so mean to me and you refused to talk to me. Your behaviour was horrible and I don’t take back anything I’ve said to you every time we fought”. You swear your knees are about to give out and your breathing is so heavy that you can feel your chest rising and falling as if you were running. You heart beating in your head is making you dizzy and you pray that you won’t just faint right there and then. 

 “You don’t regret anything you’ve said to me all the times we fought?”, he asks and you feel a pinch of annoyance that this was the only part of your paragraph long monologue he chose to focus on. 

 “Nothing. You started every single fight”, your statement came out strong and your voice way too stable given your current state. You congratulate yourself in your head. As if that was even possible, Baekhyun steps even closer to you, now trapping you between his body and the wall. You can feel his torso pushing yours backwards only for the back of your waist to land on his right hand, his left one resting on the wall slightly brushing your cheek. 

 “I swear I would take you against this fucking wall just to shut this annoying mouth of yours”, his lips almost touching yours. You can feel his breath on your face and his words wake the butterflies in your stomach. You’re mad at yourself for feeling so weak under his stare. It takes you a few seconds to realise that you have been holding in a breath. You just stand there, frozen, eyes glued on his honey brown ones when the words roll out of your tongue without second thought. 

 “Why don’t you then?”, you speak in a low voice that even gives you goosebumps. Your boldness surprises him and he shakes his head.

 “I shouldn’t. I-..” 

 “Excuses”, you cut him off and you catch him so off guard that if it wasn’t for you being an absolute mess right now, his shocked stare would have had you chuckling. He raises his hand to caress your cheek and the way his knuckles softly touch your skin makes your entire body shiver. He doesn’t allow you to let the sudden skinship action sink in when he tilts his head only to rest his forehead against yours. 

 “I don’t know what to do with you anymore. Please tell me Y/N. Just tell me what you want”, he pleads and the entirety of your body heat is now resting on your face. You have never seen Baekhyun like this, basically asking you to take the upper hand. You rest your arms on his and connect your hands behind his neck. 

 “I want you Baekhyun. I don’t even remember how it was not to want you.”, you inhale and the air entering your nostrils feels too hot “...let’s go back to yours.Or mine, I don’t care”. The moment you finished your sentence Baekhyun’s hand was on yours, already guiding you towards the direction of his car. He open the door for you to get in and a second later he jumps in the driver’s seat. 

 Baekhyun’s eyes are glued on the road and his grip on the wheal is strong. You take a minute to examine his side profile and your eyes linger on each of his beautiful features. His beautiful honey-brown eyes, his straight nose and his soft, pink lips that are currently pressed into a thin line as if he is trying hold back a river of words threatening to fall out. Your hands are resting on your thighs which you’re pressing together in a desperate attempt to ease the buzzing in your lower area. You are already so embarrassingly wet, even though Baek hasn’t even touched you, which makes you realise how wrong all your past partners must have been treating you. Not able to stand the distance between the two of you, you place your hand on top of his right thigh, slowly dancing your fingers up and down the area. He shakes his head, momentarily closing his eyes only to open them a second later. His stare is intense but you can’t read it properly. 

 “Babe...”, he says and your hand movement stops at the sound of the nickname. Feeling more aroused by the second, you bend slightly over so that your lips are brushing against his ear. 

 “What...babe?”, you tease and he grips the wheel with such strength that it looks like he is trying to break it in half. 

“Finish your sentence Baek”, you continue and at this point you know you’re playing with fire. He turns to give you a look for a split second, his eyes filled with something unknown to you and a slight smirk is gracing his beautiful lips.

 “Sit back properly, take off your underwear and open your legs.”, you’re looking at him, eyes wide open in shock. His habit of bossing you around would normally have you ignoring his ass, maximum serving him an eyeroll as a response, but now it’s different. Your brain hasn’t even had the time to comprehend the possible consequences of his request, when you find your hands slowly sliding the sides of your underwear down your legs. Before you manage to even speak a word, his slender fingers are caressing the inside of your thighs and you throw your head back, eyes shut in an attempt to keep yourself under control. His middle finger and index travel all the way to your sensitive area and you let out a low gasp when you feel them on your heat. 

 “Holy fuck...”, he says and inserts one finger inside your throbbing pussy. You moan out his name as his digit is hitting you exactly on the right spot and you can’t see it but there’s a victory smile resting on his lips. 

 “Baek wait...”, you try to complain but it’s in vain. He adds a second finger and while keeping his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel, driving almost at 150 km/h, he is steadily bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. You turn your head to the side, your eyes linger on his frame when you start feeling a knot forming on the lower part of your abdomen. You gather all the strength left in your body to lift your arm and tangle your fingers with his silver locks, slightly pulling his head backwards. He hisses and fastens the tempo of his fingers, his palm now coming in contact with your clit. You know you aren’t going to last long. Your walls start pulsating around his skilful digits and the car stops at a red light which finally allows him to focus his attention on you for at least a few seconds. 

 “I can’t wait to feel you clenching around my dick baby”, he says and you can feel yourself getting closer to your orgasm. 

“Does my baby like dirty talk?”, he teases you and you pull his hair a tad stronger than before. 

“I want you to come before the light turns green, you have approximately..”, he pauses to calculate the other traffic lights at the crossing, “...10-15 seconds?”, he adds driving his fingers in and out your pussy at a frenzy rhythm. You can’t handle the tension anymore. 

 “Baek, I can’t-...”, you swear you could cry with all this tension gathered on your lower body. You’re so close you can sense your orgasm. 

 “9..”, he says, his eyes piercing yours. 

 “Fuck, no I can’t”,  you close your eyes, trying to control your body. It’ll be too much, you don’t want to come here in his car. 

 “Open your eyes and look at me. 6″, he counts and you do as you’re told. His palm hitting your sensitive clit is sending vibrations all the way to your head and you swear you wouldn’t be able to spell out your own name at this moment if you had to. 

 “I’m so close, I’m- Baek please...’, you whine and you can feel your walls clenching like crazy, swallowing his fingers. He places his other hand around your neck, squeezing gently and you’re a goner. Your orgasm crushes through you like fireworks and you can’t stop yourself from grinding down against his fingers, greedily trying to ride the explosive feeling out. 

 “That’s my girl”, he flashes you a satisfied smile and removes his fingers from your pussy at once. You grimace at the loss of contact but you’re too occupied trying to gather your thoughts and get yourself together, to pay further attention. The car is already on the move and before you can fathom what’s happening, he is parking in front of a building. Your eyes feel heavy but only at the thought of what’s coming, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten again. Baek steps out of the car and opens the door for you. You take a second to put your underwear back on, and you step outside the vehicle likewise. He locks it and starts walking towards the entrance of the block of flats before you, his hand in yours as your steps shadow his. You walk up the stairs and stop at the first floor. He stands outside a door and takes out his keys to unlock it when he turns to face you for the first time since he had you coming all over his fingers in his car. 

 “Before we get in I need to tell you something”, he warns and his eyes are examining your face. You step closer to him, your arm brushing against his. 

 “What is it Baek?”, your voice sounds so sweet and the way you say his name has him melting. 

 “If we do this, there’s no disappearing in the morning. There’s no going back to how things were. If you don’t want to stay and if you don’t want to be with me, leave now. This can’t be a one-time thing for me. That’s not what I want.”, he takes a deep breath as if he just gave the most important speech of his life. Your mouth hangs open at his sudden confession and you feel a stink of guilt that you’ve made him so uneasy; scared that you would run away from him and disappear. You grab his keys and unlock the door which opens wide in front of you. You step inside his flat and turn your head to face him. 

 “Do you prefer eggs or pancakes for breakfast?”, you ask him while taking off your shoes. He steps in and shuts the door behind him. Walking backwards you start unbuttoning your dress, “...I prefer something sweet in the morning to be honest”, you’re teasing and you reach the last button. You take another step backwards and you can feel his eyes burning on you. He is following each step you take, mirroring your movements now taking off his shirt. You let the dark fabric of your dress fall down your body and pool around your ankles. Baekhyun stops in his tracks, half naked and the lust in his eyes could make you come right there and then. You are about to take another step backwards when he nods you negatively. 

 “Don’t move”, the words come out as a soft command and you listen, standing there only in your lace black underwear, looking at him basically begging him to do something. He hasn’t even kissed you. He is the only man that has given you an orgasm without touching you anywhere else, not even a peck on the lips. He takes his time roaming his gaze along your body, his eyes resting on your breasts a second longer. 

 “I want you to kiss me”, you let out before you realise the words leaving your mouth. He focuses his attention back on your face and your body is about to burst from the need to feel him closer in any way. He is slowly walking towards you while taking off his trousers, leaving his body now covered only by his black boxers. 

 “Your entire face is blushing, you’ve been squeezing your thighs together, your breathing is unsteady and you’re giving me blowjob eyes”, hie finishes his sentence when standing a breath away from you. “...you want me to do more than just kiss you baby”, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding in  and he smiles. He is so infuriating standing there, laughing at the misery he has put you in. You can’t let him play you like this. 

 “If you think you can..-” 

 “Shut up”, he says and you can’t tell who initiated it  but his lips are on yours, kissing and biting as if your mouth is the last source of air and he needs it to survive. His right hand finds purchase on your ass, squeezing tightly pushing you closer to his body and his other hand grabs the back of your head, deepening the kiss. You can feel your underwear sticking on your dump heat and you squeeze your legs together trying to give yourself some comfort. Baekhyun breaks the kiss, bringing his lips next to your ear. 

“Is my baby wet?Again?”, he cooes and you wanna smack him across the face because he fucking knows you are. 

 “Yes I am, and if you don’t do something about it soon I’m gonna have to get myself off”, you lilt and turn to enter his room. It’s way cosier than you would have imagined, with a queen size bed in the middle. You seat at the edge of it and you open your legs as seductively as you can, covering the fact that they’re shivering in anticipation. He enters the room and his eyes are darker than before, his erection clearly visible through his boxers making your mouth water. You cock an eyebrow at him but he doesn’t move. That’s it, you can’t waste anymore time waiting for him to do something. You get up and get on your knees in front of him, removing his underwear with a single movement before you place your palm around his shaft. 

 “What the fuck Y/N”, he breathes out and his knees turn weak under your touch. 

 “I’m done waiting for you Byun. Took you 2 years to kiss me. I can’t imagine how long it’ll take you to fuck me”, he is about to protest when you lean forward, putting his dick in your mouth, your nose against his lower belly. His complain turns into a moan when he throws his head back, hands now landing in your hair, pulling slightly. Your lips move around his member, followed by your tongue, hand resting on his balls slightly massaging them. You lick a long stripe from the base of his dick, all the way to the end while pressing your lips around it and then release it with a slight ‘pop’.  A string of saliva connecting your mouth with his tip. You open your eyes only to find his intense stare already on your frame, cheeks on fire and mouth agape in an attempt to inhale as much air as he can. 

 “Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look right now? I swear I would do anything, anything you want If I could only see you like this everyday”, his voice cracks at the last words and he is slightly releasing his grip on your hair. Your hand still working its way up and down his dick, you tilt your head onwards to give small kitty licks on his tip. You take his hand and while serving him a cheeky smile you place it so that his fingers are cupping the upper part of your neck, right under your jaw. It takes him a moment to understand what you’re thinking and when it hits him, he lets out a desperate breath. You move your chin in front of his dick, lips almost touching his slit currently dripping with pre-cum. 

 “Apologise for being an asshole these last few months”, you spit. 

 “Fuck you”. The moment the words slip his lips you open your mouth, taking him so deep that you can feel his tip touching the back of your throat. He moans out your name and you feel your pussy pulsating in the sound. It takes all the self control you can manifest in order to not sneak your fingers inside your knickers and relieve some of the tension. 

 “I can feel my dick down your throat baby, agh fuck”, he hisses and pulls your hair as you take him as deep as you can once again only that this time you keep him there, swallowing again and again with his dick buried as deep as your throat can take it. A tear rolls down your face and your gag reflex is threatening to kick in, but you refuse to let go before he begs. 

 “Fuck Y/N, please. please stop, I don’t wanna cum. Fuck please, don’t-”, you release him and you snap him your best victory smile. after whipping your mouth with the back of your palm. You get up and move towards the bed, this time laying on top of it. 

“I think I prefer you begging than apologising”, you tease and an unintentional giggle follows. 

 “You fucking bitch”, he spits jokingly and you burst into laughter but it doesn’t last long. The next moment he is hovering on top of you, lips on yours, hands cupping every curve of your body unable to hold back anymore. He is devouring your neck, jaw and moves lower to leave dark marks on your breasts. In a swing movement he unclips your bra, throwing it behind him next to his long forgotten underwear. Your underwear is next and before you know it, his face is resting between your legs, blowing tiny waves of air on your heat, driving you crazier if that was even possible at this point. He plants small kisses around the area, next to your folds while his hands are massaging the inside of your thighs. Your head falls back to meet his soft pillow and you moan out his name,  incapable of hiding the mess he has made of you. Without any warning his soft tongue crushes on your burning area, devouring you as if you were his last meal. Your head is now a foggy mess, hands tangled between his silver locks unconsciously pushing him against your pussy, desperate for more friction. He rests his tongue on your sensitive bud of nerves, dancing in slow circles when he enters two digits in you causing you to let out the most animalistic moan you’ve ever heard yourself producing. Your reaction was the confirmation he was seeking, as his tongue picks up its pace and so do his fingers, his name rolls off your tongue like a cursed poem, again and again until you can feel yourself falling off the edge. He lands a last kiss on your pubic bone as he slowly climbs up your body, now hovering above you. You open your eyes, realising you had them wide shut all this time, only to find his beautiful brown ones staring at you in the most loving way you’ve ever had anyone looking at you.

“So pretty”, he whispers and his fingers linger on your lips and make their way to your cheek where he leaves a shy kiss. You can feel his dick between your legs, yours thrown around his waist and you just stay there, in silence looking in each others eyes. You bring your hand to the side of his jaw only to pull him closer, planting a kiss on his lips. It’s not deep; it’s soft, and sweet, almost romantic. You break it after a few seconds and you rest your forehead on his. A word is about to escape your lips when he frantically drives his length inside you, hitting your g spot so hard that you almost choke at your own gasp.

“Baek, fuck”, you whine. He doesn’t say anything, he only pulls out a little bit and then thrusts back in, hitting that sweet spot that has you seeing stars. He does it again and again and again and you are a moaning mess, head thrown back, his diving in the crook of your neck, sucking, bitting, leaving purple spots in every area he can get his lips on.

“You want me to stop?”, he says out of breath without slowing down at the slightest. You attack his lips and the kiss is nothing like the one you just shared a few moments ago. It’s hungry and desperate and your tongues are fighting for dominance, both your mouths swallowing each others moans. You can feel your pussy throbbing around his dick and you know you wont last long. Baekhyun breaks the kiss but stays close so that his lips can still touch yours.

“Are you close baby? You want to cum? Want to come all over my dick?”, he breathes out and you moan out his name, paralysed under his touch.

“Baek I’m close-I’m gonna..”, a circular move of his hips almost brings you to the brink and you moan out cusses with no meaning. You clench around him once more and he lets out a loud groan.

“Y/N If you do that one more time I won’t be able to hold back. Please”, he pleads and you can see that he is trying to hold back so that you can finish first. His dick fucking into you at a relentless pace has your arms pulling his body closer to yours, nails digging in his back and you know these scratches will be visible for next few days.

“Baek I can’t hold it, please”, you moan out.

“Let go baby, let go. Cum for me”, he whispers next to your ear and there’s nothing in the world you want more than to feel him painting your insides with his orgasm.

“Cum inside Baek, Please, cum with me, ah-”, your orgasm hits you mid-sentence and you clench again and again as it keeps attacking your body in waves. After a couple thrusts you can feel him releasing into you as he lets his body collapse on top of yours, both of you battling to calm your breathing.

“I blame you for missing on the best sex I’ve ever had for the past two years”, you tease him softly and he chuckles. You raise your hand to place a stray hair behind his ear and you can’t help but notice the slight rosiness on his cheeks. ‘what?’, you ask flushing him your warmest smile.

“Be mine?”, his lets out as he rubs his nose against the tip of yours. Your heart skips a bit and a wave of warmth crushes through you, for you haven’t felt so happy in a long, long time.

“Hm, nope, thanks”, you giggle and you kiss him. He is taken aback by your reply, staring at you with eyes wide open like a frightened deer caught in the headlights.

“I’m joking baby”, you spit and burst into laughter.

“You bitch”, he laughs.

[xiaomoxu]

LUCIEN - Taste Date

SPOILER ALERT!!

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

The projector in the living room flickered, and the music at the end of the movie was intertwined with the warm sunshine. In this space that belongs to me and Xu Mo, there is a warmth day after day.

I looked at the scrolling subtitles on the screen and yawned.

Xu Mo: Do you think the movie is boring?

Xu Mo turned his head and looked at me with a faint voice as always, but the smile in his eyes was a little bit more than usual.

MC: Nope. The movie is very interesting. I especially like narration, music and mirroring.

MC: It's the movie you picked.

As I said, I leaned against Xu Mo again, leaning my head on his shoulder.

MC: I just relax suddenly and feel like I'm lazy

MC: Obviously I did all kinds of imagination before the holiday, but when I could really rest, my brain went on strike, and I didn't even bother to think about the plan.

Xu Mo: However, if you don't plan well, this rest day will also slip away unknowingly.

MC: There is nothing wrong with this principle

MC: Then we will discuss how to spend a full and rich rest day tomorrow.

MC: But right now... just rest with nothing to do for one day, okay?

When I looked up at him, I was amused and blinked earnestly. Xu Mo seemed to squeeze my face helplessly.

Xu Mo: You...

Xu Mo: Do you want to watch another movie?

Before I had time to agree, Xu Mo's phone on the table rang untimely.

The caller is Aming.

Xu Mo pressed the hands-free button after answering the phone, got up and walked to the cabinet where the discs were stored.

Aming: Professor Xu, sorry to disturb you.

Xu Mo: what's happening?

Aming: Do you have any arrangements for today? The previous experiment has made some progress, I would like to trouble you to follow up.

Xu Mo paused when he picked the DVD.

Xu Mo: is it urgent?

Aming: It's not actually too late after the holidays.

Aming: However, there will be a few academic conferences and postgraduate papers that you need to check. Time will be a little tight.

Xu Mo: I know. Leave it until after the holidays.

Aming: Alright professor, take a good rest.

As the phone hung up, Xu Mo also chose the DVD. And I, who was listening silently beside him, suddenly had a thought.

MC: Xu Mo, I have a plan!

Xu Mo: Yes?

MC: Since it's a holiday now, there shouldn't be many people in the research right?

Xu Mo: Well, that's right.

MC: Then I will go to work with you!

As if shocked by my sudden suggestion, Xu Mo raised his eyebrows and said again to confirm.

Xu Mo: Go to work with me?

MC: Yes! This way you can spend the rest day with you without delaying your work.

MC: And it satisfies the condition of "fullness and richness" very well. Isn't it a great idea?

Xu Mo: I do not deny that this is a feasible method....

Xu Mo: But my work is probably not as interesting as you think

I shook my head vigorously.

MC: It is not an opportunity every day to see Professor Xu's work side up close.

MC: This holiday plan will definitely be the one I wanted to start a long time ago.

MC: "Professor Xu Mo's Ecological Observation" project adds an important record!

Although I have “sneaked in” here many times because I gave Xu Mo a lunch box or helped him take care of the plants in the office...

But walking into the office with him in this way and watching him sitting behind his desk up close is still a new experience.

MC: Xu Mo, you just treat me as if I'm not here, just do your usual work normally!

Seeing that I had quite taken out a notebook to record his daily momentum of work, Xu Mo gently tapped on my head.

Xu Mo: Well, now that producer MC is fully prepared, then I will cooperate well.

Xu Mo: But say it in advance, even if you feel boring, you can't run away.

MC: Pftー don't worry, I won't!

I hope our "cooperation" today will be turned well.

I held back a smile, sat pretentiously on the sofa in the corner of his office, and waved to him.

The so-called "Professor Xu Mo's Ecological Observation" project, only "observing Xu Mo" is my real purpose.

The person in front of me always seemed to be able to cooperate with my careful thoughts, and would not pierce easily.

For me, seeing Xu Mo's work in a rare way is already the most interesting thing for me.

Xu Mo sat behind his desk, his narrow eyes could not see emotions, only the light spots on his face swayed playfully with his breathing rate.

We didn't speak for a while, and typing sounds regularly echoed in the office where only the two of us were alone.

Xu Mo: Is it connected to the intranet?

Xu Mo didn't stop his hand movements and spoke naturally

MC: Yep, it's already connected.

MC: However, the network speed of the highest biotechnology institute is really fast

??: After all, we have a lot of data to process, and it will be troublesome if the network cannot keep up.

With a soft knock on the door, a familiar voice heard outside the door.

Researcher: Amin told me that the professor was not coming today, and he was probably going to accompany MC. I saw that the office light was on, and it was strange.

Researcher: Unexpectedly, you came together.

The other party was one of the researchers who followed Xu Mo as a researcher, and I had met Xu Mo several times before.

Xu Mo nodded lightly in response, and I also smiled politely at him.

MC: Do you have a job to talk about? Then I first

Researcher: No, no, I will go back to the lab now. Professor, you are busy, I won't bother you.

The researcher winked at us jokingly and waved away.

Xu Mo raised his eyes and looked at the direction the person was leaving, then smiled and said to me.

Xu Mo: It seems that when I didn't know, the researchers around me had a better relationship with you.

MC: Because everyone is very kind.

Xu Mo: A lot of things have been added to the office unknowingly.

Xu Mo smiled and pointed to the blanket on the sofa.

MC: Of course. My goal is to make it comfortable and easy to work with!

Xu Mo: Then I will wait and see.

In the next few hours, Xu Mo's typing sound never stopped.

Occasionally, a few researchers came in to submit materials, and because they were all familiar people, they directly handed me the documents that needed to be sorted out.

In this way, I also feel a little happy to be around Xu Mo and do something for him.

But....

Xu Mo: Ugh...

Hearing Xu Mo's sigh for many times today, I walked behind him and massaged his shoulders and neck.

You keep sighing, is your work today not going well?

Xu Mo: Is not. It's just that the efficiency is not as high as usual.

MC: Is it too tired?

MC: Xu Mo smiled and took my hand, leaned a little later, half leaning on me.

He took off his glasses and put them on the table. The eyes that looked at me were full of clarity, and there was no fatigue.

Xu Mo: If you are here, I will be distracted.

Xu Mo: Are you hungry, do you want to eat first?

The noon daylight gradually slanted, and the crisp keyboard tapping in my ears stopped.

Xu Mo stood up and moved his shoulder and neck slightly.

The work is more cumbersome than I thought, and it may take more time.

Xu Mo: Why not we have lunch together?

MC: It would be nice if Professor Xu Mo could eat as well as he did today in his usual work.

Xu Mo: With your strict supervision, I am getting healthier day by day.

Xu Mo got up and put on his coat, and naturally brought me a coat and hat.

Xu Mo: For the restaurants nearby.

Seeing Xu Mo's thinking, I interrupted him first.

MC: Today I am here to do "Professor Xu Mo's Ecological Observation", so just go to the place where you usually eat.

Xu Mo: But I usually.....

I can probably guess what he said subconsciously. I squinted at Xu Mo.

MC: Did you really eat well under my supervision?

Xu Mo: ....

Xu Mo: Compared to before, my life is indeed much healthier. Especially the love bento you sent, I ate them on time.

MC: Huh?

MC: What about when I didn't send it? Is it not on time?

I did not let Xu Mo go, but further "questioned" him.

Xu Mo: Overall.... it is on time.

Xu Mo turned his gaze away with a rare guilty conscience, and gave an ambiguous answer.

MC: Then take me to the place where you usually eat now.

MC: I have to supervise the cunning big fox Professor Xu!

Although I am always amused by him accidentally, I will never compromise in this kind of place.

Xu Mo: Alright, I get it.

Xu Mo: In the future, I will follow MC's requirements more strictly and try to ensure that I work and rest regularly.

Seeing that I couldn't help but Xu Mo could only sigh and surrender.

Xu Mo took me to a small restaurant near the research center.

Most of the diners who come and go in the store wear badges from the research center.

MC: It seems that this is still a popular meal of the research center.

Xu Mo and I stood at the end of the ordering queue, looking up at the short menu. The dishes were almost occupied by sandwiches, burgers and pizza.

MC: But the food does not seem to be too rich...

Xu Mo: Yes. After all, people usually think more about how to make eating time the most efficient than enjoying food.

Xu Mo: If you have not forgotten to eat, you will choose food that is portable and can be eaten as quickly as possible.

Xu Mo: So you can finish a meal while walking or working.

Xu Mo didn't look at the menu and ordered a sandwich when it was our turn.

It seems that he does come here often.

The clerk clearly placed the order and settled the bill. The smooth and streamlined movements are in line with efficiency aesthetics.

MC : I'm going the other way with you, and I will never give up any chance to enjoy food

MC: Occasionally, I ran for a cup of coffee during my lunch break.

MC: After all, eating is a very happy thing.

Xu Mo: Yes. Indeed it is.

MC: Xu Mo looked at me as if he missed and said with joy.

Xu Mo: I didn't think three meals a day were important or pleasant.

Xu Mo: But I found it now.

Xu Mo: This feeling is especially strong when you eat the rice cooked by this "Snail Girl".

Almost as soon as I was seated, the clerk had already delivered some nice sandwiches.

MC: Huh? Is this restaurant serving food so fast?

The sandwiches on the tray are very rich in content, some vegetables and meat, and it seems that there is an egg in it.

MC: Is this your usual lunch?

Xu Mo nodded and unpacked.

Xu Mo: The sandwiches in this shop are very popular in the research center.

MC: Is it because the nutrition is balanced and delicious?

Xu Mo: Would you like to taste it?

Xu Mo smiled and split off a corner of the sandwich and handed it to me.

While talking, other meals were also delivered over.

In such a comparison, I always feel that the sandwich in front of me looks very simple.

But as the saying goes, the food is not good.

MC: Well.... the nutrition seems to be very balanced.

I returned Xu Mo with a bright smile.

Xu Mo: Doesn't it taste good? It's better to say that it was just enough to swallow it just now.

MC: ....

MC: It must be that the ingredients used in the store are more particular, right? It can add rich nutrition.

Xu Mo: It's just ordinary ingredients.

Xu Mo: From a nutritional point of view, meat is somewhat insufficient, and the intake of carbohydrates and protein is definitely not enough.

I tried to maintain the smile on my face, somewhat worried whether the store would hear this straightforward conversation and swept us out.

Xu Mo: However, it has a unique advantage that it can become the favorite food in the hearts of researchers at the research center.

I opened my eyes slightly and listened carefully.

Xu Mo: High speed.

MC: What?

Xu Mo: The serving speed is very fast, if it is taken away, the speed is even faster.

MC: So that's all...

Xu Mo: Someone once did statistics...

Xu Mo: If you order this sandwich in this restaurant, you can save at least 13 minutes and 22 seconds even during peak dining periods.

As I listened to this so precise and unnecessary data, my brain gradually emptied.

Does the research scope of the research center cover this kind of place?!

Xu Mo: This statistical report covers all shops within a walking distance of 20 minutes, and the credibility is very high.

MC: That's it, everyone at the research center are so strictㅡ

Xu Mo was amused by my lack of emotional ups and downs, and he pushed my burger toward me.

Xu Mo: But the taste of other dishes should be normal and worth eating.

Sure enough, the beef Hamburg, which looked very tender and juicy, basically reached the standard of "delicious".

Compared with the tasteless sandwich just eaten, it can be called "delicious."

MC: So, do you usually eat this kind of food for lunch?

Xu Mo: Yes. This is considered to be one of the most optimal in all aspects

Xu Mo bit the sandwich in his hand and explained the facts calmly.

MC: Although time is important and this sentence is also very long-winded, I still think three meals a day are very important

MC: After serious work, it is worth rewarding yourself with delicious, nutritious and balanced food.

MC: Eating enough and sleeping well is not only a guarantee of life, but also a statement to myself: Today I am also living seriously.

Facing my serious "preaching" Xu Mo stretched out his fingers to smooth my frowning brows, and smiled a little happier than before.

Xu Mo: It is as expected.

Seeing me looking at him a little puzzled, Xu Mo smiled and fed me a piece of French fries, and continued to speak.

Xu Mo: Several times, when I ate sandwiches from this restaurant, I wondered how you would react if you came here and ate the same food as me.

Xu Mo: When you taste the taste, you will definitely hesitate to say it bluntly.

Xu Mo: You will definitely tell me after listening to my reasons for choosing it, to eat well and take care of yourself.

Xu Mo: My guess was not wrong.

MC: Hm....

MC: Why do you think of me at this time?

Xu Mo: When you encounter all kinds of things, you will always share with me

Xu Mo: Every time I receive a message from you and learn about every bit of your life, I am very happy.

Xu Mo: Of course I would want to do the same thing.

Xu Mo: Rather, it is the most normal thing to unconsciously think of the people you care about in every bit of your life.

Xu Mo's tone was light.

This is indeed an ordinary thing.

But this kind of thing, being said so bluntly and seriously by him, still makes my cheeks hot.

MC: You, why don't you hurry up and try other foods?

MC: This pizza looks delicious. Would you like to try it?

As if to conceal my feeling of making a fuss about "normal things", my body has already taken a step before my reaction.

(karma CG included)

I picked up the pizza just baked and handed it to Xu Mo.

MC: Is it a sweet pizza that you haven't tried before, try it?

Xu Mo didn't take the pizza I handed over, but just bent down and bit the tip of the pizza.

His snort rubbed my fingers, it was warm and a touch of humidity.

The reduced distance is like a switch that flashes a similar scene in my mind.

Xu Mo: is good?

Xu Mo who bit the pizza opened his eyes slightly.

MC: Is the pizza with cheese, blueberry and honey taste too weird?

I looked at Xu Mo's face and tried to find the answer in his expression.

Xu Mo moved closer to my side and bit off the cheese.

Probably the pizza that was just out of the oven was still a little hot, Xu Mo didn't speak immediately, but motioned for me to try it too.

MC: It is good!

On the first bite of the pizza, I also opened my eyes wide and nodded to Xu Mo frequently.

MC: it's nice!

MC: Unexpectedly, there is such a delicious thing hidden in a place so close to the research center!

The little beauty and surprise that I suddenly found, the joy that I shared with my favorite person the first time...

The scent of blueberries and the sweet taste of honey are intertwined, and the heart is full of satisfaction.

Xu Mo: It seems that I am too underestimated and I am too used to this restaurant.

MC: Coming with you today is really rewarding!

Xu Mo: Indeed it is.

As Xu Mo said, he picked up another slice of pizza and handed it to me, his eyes were softer than the lemon-colored sunlight outside the window.

Xu Mo: Even if I'm very familiar with the things I am used to, when I'm with you, it will always be different.

Xu Mo: It seems that as long as I look at you, I won't miss all the beautiful things.

Xu Mo's voice is still so faint, with some warmth and softness in the heart.

MC: In the future, I will continue to work hard to discover the little beauty in life.

MC: So Professor Xu will continue to rest assured with me.

He did not speak any more, just smile and stretch out his finger and wiped the corners of my mouth.

There have been many times when he used the same tone and tone to explain a certain theory and a certain truth for me.

Just now, he told me more facts about himself.

Small, ordinary facts have not been verified by large sections of papers, nor are they new discoveries that shock the world.

But it is absolutely correct and constant like any other law that constructs this world.

It was enough to make my heart beat faster than usual.

--- END ---

I’m sorry if there’s some mistranslation. Kindly tell me if you found some :) thank you for read it~ ^^

[cheri-translates]

[CN] 3rd Anniversary Love Carnival - Victor

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an event which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Victor’s Prologue: here

3rd Anniversary Masterlist: here

[ PART ONE ]

The moment we step into the carnival venue, my gaze is completely consumed by a gigantic merry-go-round.

MC: What a dream-like merry-go-round! Let’s ride this as our first attraction!

When Victor sees the golden coloured merry-go-round before him, his expression freezes in place for a moment. However, he still stands in the queue with me.

MC: Eh? You’re agreeing just like that?!

MC: “I don't waste my time on such senseless things”.

I mimic Victor, channelling a stern expression.

MC: Don’t you typically say that? Why did you agree so quickly today?

I make a face at him. When Victor sees this, he furrows his brows and gives me a gentle knock on the head.

Victor: Spending my time on a pointless rejection is even more of a waste.

I turn around, glaring at Victor. However, all he does is stare back plainly at me.

Victor: Because of a certain childish individual, my tolerance levels have increased by quite a lot.

I specially pick a double-manned horse. Along with the romantic music, the horses start ascending and descending, moving in a circular motion.

Couples in the surroundings are raising their phones, taking photographs with various poses. Every screen is filled with brilliant smiles.

Somewhat influenced by such an atmosphere, I turn my head to look at Victor.

As expected, Victor, who is sitting on a black steed, looks so stern that it’s as though he’s participating in some investment report meeting.

Sensing the gaze I tossed at him, Victor looks at me.

Victor: What is it?

MC: Victor, do you want to smile a little?

Victor: Why?

MC: Because when people are happy, they’d subconsciously want to smile. In the happiest place on earth, and having such an adorable lady in front of you, don't you feel even the slightest bit of happiness?

Victor: You aren’t humble at all.

Despite what he says, I can clearly see a handsome arc at the corners of his lips.

MC: Can you appreciate the joys of being on a merry-go-round now?

Victor: That’s only if seeing you look silly counts as one of the joys.

MC: Can’t you just honestly say that you’re very happy when you’re with me?

I wave my fist at him in a threatening manner.

Victor sighs. Looking back at me, he says in resignation:

Victor: I’m happy. But it has nothing to do with the merry-go-round.

As the music gradually softens, and the merry-go-round is about to complete its turn, I realise that we haven’t taken a picture yet.

Just as I adjust the angle, attempting to include Victor into the frame to obtain a “group photo”, he senses what I'm planning to do.

Victor takes my phone, then leans down closer to me.

Victor: Look at the camera.

He lifts the phone up, pressing the shutter.

[ PART TWO ]

MC: High-altitude glass platform bridge…?

In order to try a more unique attraction, Victor and I have come to the high-altitude glass platform bridge with the direction of the guide.

Victor: Want to try it?

After a moment of hesitance, I nod.

MC: Since we’re already here!

Looking death calmly in the face, I stare at the pathway, resolutely joining the queue.

Although I’ve already mentally prepared myself, I regret it the moment I step onto the platform bridge.

MC: I can’t do this. People need to stand on the ground!

I grip the railing at the side, carefully inching forward at a tortoise’s pace.

Just as I plan to tell Victor about my regret of overestimating my confidence, I lift my head and see him waiting for me composedly.

Likely seeing that I haven’t moved after such a long time, Victor sighs softly, walks towards me, and offers me his hand.

I immediately reach out, holding his large palm.

A warm sensation sprouts from our laced hands. Victor follows my pace, walking slowly to the other end of the platform bridge.

MC; You aren’t afraid?

Victor: Why should I be afraid?

He pauses for a moment, then gives me an explanation which leaves me unable to retort.

Victor: Since it’s open for visitors to experience, there are definitely sufficient safeguards to ensure the safety of the amusement facilities.

MC: …

For a moment, I actually don’t know where I should begin.

The person is the one feeling scared. What does that have to do with the safety of the facilities?

Or should I be in awe that because of such a reason, he can overcome the fear that humans have about falling from high altitudes?

Victor: If you’re really scared, don’t look under your feet. Look forward.

While doing that, I still can’t help but mutter:

MC: During such moments, shouldn’t you say things like “If you’re scared, hold me tight”, or “If you’re scared, just look at me”?

Victor casts me a glance.

Victor: Do you think that’d be useful?

MC: Mr Victor, do you know the power and vigour comfort brings?

Victor: The next time you can’t finish your proposal, I think I could reuse this saying. You can use your vigour to increase efficiency, and not ask me to postpone the meeting.

I look straight into Victor’s eyes, the discipline of the working class enabling me to harden my backbone and face this investor even at a high altitude.

MC: Are you a monster? Must you bring up things that’d upset me at this time?

Victor looks at me, a slight smile in his eyes.

Victor: You’re so full of vigour. I think you aren’t afraid anymore. All right, you can finish the rest of the path yourself.

Hearing this, I realise that the transparent glass platform has already reached its end. The following path is lined with carpet.

In the midst of our banter, I’d actually completed the entire journey without even realising it.

MC: Victor, were you deliberately criticising me earlier to divert my attention?

Victor: I should be the one with questions. When I’m by your side, where else could your focus be diverted to?

I’m left dumbfounded. Victor chuckles, as though he doesn’t care how I’d respond to his question.

Like earlier, he walks in front of me unhurriedly, not releasing the hand holding onto mine.

Victor: The next attraction probably has a queue. Follow closely.

[ PART THREE ]

MC: I didn’t expect the restaurants in the carnival to serve pretty tasty food.

I take a bite out of a heart-shaped lemon cake, and can’t help but exclaim in awe.

Initially, I had only noticed that the food laid out on the tables for patrons was shocking.

The extremely big and bold words on the leaflet - “Carnival Special Couple Set Meal” - stirred my heart.

Without another word, I pulled Victor in, pointing at the leaflet excitedly.

I didn’t expect that no matter whether it was the presentation or the taste, they left one pleasantly surprised.

MC: Victor, should Souvenir also introduce a couple set meal in the future? Like this heart-shaped cake - I’m really optimistic about its popularity in the market! I think it can attract quite a number of people.

Victor: No.

Unsurprisingly, Victor rejects my idea.

I sigh.

MC: CEO Victor, as the most ambitious and most knowledgeable on how to advance in the market, LFG is a business miracle. What does it receive most praise for? Isn’t it how it’s bold enough to try expanding its capabilities? Also, as the manager of Souvenir, are you really not considering including such a mentality into your dishes?

On the spot, I present a report involving how to expand Souvenir, and anticipate his reaction.

Victor is the same as always. Both arms are crossed over his chest as he listens to my report seriously, then he gives his comments.

Victor: The report lacks proper thought. Rejected.

MC: Why’s that?

I feel slightly indignant.

Victor sets down his hands, signalling that I should shift closer.

I have no idea what he’s planning to do, and lean over while confused.

Victor’s fingers brush against the stray hairs near my ear, rescuing a strand of hair which has been entangled with my earring.

When his finger brushes lightly against my earlobe, I suddenly think of how Victor was the one who put on this pair of earrings for me before we headed out this morning.

Victor: Souvenir isn’t a business. Its existence is unrelated to any business models.

MC: What is it related to then?

Victor: The manager’s personal preferences.

He retracts his hand, looking at me calmly.

Victor: The presentation and image of such dishes don’t suit Souvenir’s usual style.

Regretfully, I split the heart-shaped strawberry pie, placing half onto Victor’s plate.

MC: Since the manager has already put it that way…

MC: It looks like I can only seize this opportunity, and experience the fluffy, soft strawberry pie here.

I let out a soft sigh. In my mind, I can’t help but imagine - if Victor were to make this, I wonder how it’d taste.

MC: It’d definitely be several times more delicious than this.

Victor finishes the strawberry pie, and doesn’t seem to hear my soft mutter.

After a short period of silence, Victor’s serious voice pipes up.

Victor: It won’t be an item on the menu.

Victor: But this doesn’t mean I can’t make it for you once at home.

Victor elegantly cuts the food on the plate, not much expression on his face.

Only I know the warmth underneath that quiet display.

MC: When the time comes, I’ll invite Mr Victor to appraise it with me.

[ PART FOUR ]

We walk and pause, finally ending up before the Pendulum ride.

Pointing at the attraction, where shrill cries can be heard constantly, I think of that children’s day when he had taken the “Time Traveler” ride with me.

And how time had stopped for a few seconds during the descent.

[Note] This is a reference to Fairytale Date!

MC: Want to give this a try?

I turn my head, looking at Victor expectantly.

Victor: No.

As I expected, Victor rejects me.

MC: Victor, could you be scared?

Victor: Of course not.

His expression is stern, and he looks forward.

MC: In that case, ride it with me!

While saying this, I pull him along with me and we sit down.

There’s still some time before the ride begins. The chatter and laughter from people in the queue before us continuously drift over.

Enthusiastic visitor: A friend of mine took the Pendulum before. When it was over, he calmly said that it wasn’t much. In the end, he started puking after taking a few steps.

Happy visitor: Hahahaha, the same thing happened to my colleague. He sat for the ride in another place once, and screamed until his voice was hoarse at work the next day. He had to drink chinese medicine for the entire day.

I’m somewhat tickled by the conversations.

MC: They’re speaking so exaggeratedly. How could that be possible? What do you think?

The criticism I expected doesn’t arrive.

Finding this a little odd, I look at Victor, realising that he’s strapping on his seatbelt seriously, his expression stern.

Oh…?

I really wish I could take out my phone and snap a picture of this Victor before me.

The Pendulum truly lives up to its name.

At first, I even thought it’d be so-so.

But when the Pendulum’s amplitude grows increasingly larger, till it feels like I’m being tossed around, I can’t help but scream.

MC: Ahhhhh–

This! Is! Too! Scary!

Just when I’m forced to sit through these parabolic motions, my left hand is gently held onto by someone.

Bracing against the violent wind, I open my eyes. Victor is sitting straight and quietly in his seat. His posture is tense, yet he looks as though he’s very calm.

Amid the shrill screams, I can vaguely hear his voice.

Victor: Don’t be afraid.

-

Stepping off the Pendulum, I immediately grasp for the railing at the side.

However, when I see Victor’s crooked tie and slightly unkempt hair, I can’t help but burst into laughter.

This time, I don’t let this chance slip by, and keep this dishevelled Victor in my phone.

I make a decision to have this picture printed out to be placed at the bedside.

Victor: …what are you doing this time?

MC: Nothing, nothing! Oh yes, what do you think of this attraction?

Victor: …so-so.

MC: If you’re afraid, you can just say so. It’s a normal human reaction, and I won’t laugh at you.

Victor: I’m not afraid.

MC: In that case…

I look at Victor, my smile growing wider.

MC: Let’s ride it again!

Victor: …

MC: You aren’t going to prove that you aren’t afraid?

Victor: Let’s go then.

MC: Eh?

Victor: Since you’re so enthusiastic about this ride, you’ll definitely experience it together with me. Am I wrong?

Seeing Victor arch his brows slightly, and turning my game against me, I respond with certainty–

MC: I’m sorry! We’ll head to another attraction right now!

[ PART FIVE ]

Perplexed and not knowing which attraction to go to next, an uproar in front attracts my attention.

MC: Eh? Did something happen?

I pull Victor forward with me.

I see a man holding a large bunch of roses and pink balloons, kneeling down on one knee in front of a woman.

The woman’s face is red from shyness, and her eyes are filled with touching emotions and surprise.

MC: Someone’s proposing!

Looking at the scene before me, I can’t help but tilt my head and whisper into Victor’s ear as he stands beside me.

MC: It’s so sweet. I hope they can be together for a very long time!

Victor turns his head slightly, as though sensing the envy in my tone.

Victor: You’re very envious?

MC: A little.

Victor frowns slightly, looking as though he can’t comprehend it.

Very quickly, however, he seems to think of something.

Victor: Stand here and don’t move. Wait for a while.

Before I can react, Victor has already left.

I stand rooted in place.

At the side, the proposal is still ongoing. The man stammers as he takes her down a walk through memory lane, clumsily taking out a ring box.

The girl’s eyes have long since been brimming with happy tears.

I look at Victor, not knowing what he’s going to do, and not knowing what will happen next.

Under my expectant and nervous gaze, he walks over to the person selling balloons, and buys a small balloon flower.

MC: …

I knew it!

Victor: Give me your hand.

When Victor returns, he speaks in his usual tone.

Then, he holds up my hand, lowers his eyes, and ties the balloon flower to my wrist.

Seeing this childish action contrasted with Victor’s serious expression, I can’t help but chuckle.

With me, he’s done so many things that are, according to his standards, a waste of time, meaningless and utterly childish.

It doesn’t seem to be a bad thing though.

My heart is encased with a sweetness. Raising my wrist happily, I crinkle my eyes as I look at the balloon flower under the sunlight.

MC: It’s so pretty!

My gaze is completely absorbed by the balloon flower, and I don’t even notice that the crowd afar off has burst into applause. That man’s proposal probably succeeded.

Victor: You’re satisfied just like that?

MC: Hehe, the most satisfied person in the world! Let’s go, we still have to head to the next attraction.

I turn my head and prepare to leave, but Victor grabs my wrist.

MC: What…!

Pink coloured balloons and flower petals fill the air, spreading happiness all around.

And in this corner with only the two of us, a gentle kiss descends on my forehead.

Victor: The most childish person in the entire amusement park is probably right in front of me.

Victor looks at me, saying the critique that I couldn’t be more familiar with.

In his eyes, there’s also a smile and gentleness that I couldn’t be more familiar with.

The celebration and clamour have nothing to do with me.

All the happiness and clamour, all the ribbons and fresh flowers, can’t compare to a word from him.

Nor can they compare to the somewhat childish balloon flower on my wrist.

I smile while standing on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around Victor’s neck, and giving him a kiss.

MC: He’s also in front of me! Being childish with you is the happiest thing in the world.

I hear a soft chuckle, then a warm breath. Following this, my forehead feels a tender touch for the second time.

Victor: Dummy.

Fireworks event: here

[captainbucky13]

Drew Starkey Fic :)

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first fic ever (how scary!) so any criticism or advice will be so helpful. Thanks, hope you enjoy :)

*not my gif*

 Outer Banks wasn’t your first acting job. You had played multiple roles in TV shows and movies and had gained quite the following. Talk shows and interviews were now part of your daily life, and you barely had any time to relax. You had people falling to your feet with admiration, but none of them wanted a committed relationship. You always tried to make an effort getting to know each cast member on a personal level, but due to clashing schedules it wasn’t always possible. However, no cast had imprinted as much as this one; especially one brown-haired boy.

Your relationship with Drew Starkey couldn’t easily be described using words. He made you flustered, nervous and giddy like a schoolgirl with a crush. But this was more than a crush. You had fallen head-over-heels in love with him. In your eyes the planets revolved around him, he was the centre of the universe, the Sun rose and fell just for him.

But you hated it. You hated the fact that he would never look at you the same way, or even start to reciprocate the same feelings. Drew was oblivious to his effect on you, whereas the rest of the cast recognised the heart-eyes straight away. They had tried to leave you two alone multiple times, but it always ended up with you being friend-zoned.

Until you all decided to go to a club.

Filming for season two had just finished a couple of days before, and it was time to celebrate. The cast decided to rent a house so you could all be together during filming, so getting to the club would be easy. You had declined the offer at first, wanting to settle down with a takeaway and Netflix, but Austin persuaded you to get dressed up and party.

You pulled out a dark green dress that wasn’t too revealing, but you chose comfort over looks. After hopping in the shower and getting ready, you slipped on shoes and a matching bag, and headed downstairs.

No one else was ready yet, so you headed to the kitchen for some water. As you fill up your glass, none other than Drew walks in, wearing a white short-sleeved button up and black jeans. He looks you up and down and, unknowingly to you, darts his tongue out to lick his lips. You turn to look at him and he strides towards you, making you tilt your head to look at his towering frame.

“You look amazing,” he says as he steps closer. You cough and take another sip of water, trying to stop the butterflies.

“Thanks, I actually made an effort for once.”

He smirks and saunters away, shouting for the rest of the group. You lean against the counter, breathing deeply, before standing tall and heading out of the front door with everyone. Taking two separate taxis, you all make it to the club and head to a large booth in the corner; enough privacy and an equal distance between the bar and the toilets. After getting settled in the booth, you and Rudy take drinks orders and head to the bar.

“You’re really making it obvious, you know that right?” After looking at him puzzled, Rudy continues. “Sneaking glances, constantly checking that you look okay, he’s definitely noticed that you look amazing, why won’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“I just- I’ve always been so reserved with my emotions, why start opening up now?”

“Trust me, tell him and you’ll wake up in his bed tomorrow morning wondering why you didn’t say anything sooner.” He winks at you and glances back towards the bartender.

You wonder if Rudy speaks the truth, or if he had any alcohol before coming to the club. After taking the drinks back to the table, you all take a group photo and let the fun begin. A few rounds later and you feel the slight buzz of the alcohol and excuse yourself to go the bathroom; luckily for you, the girls accompany you. On your way back to the booth, Maddie turns to you.

“Let’s do shots.” She motions over to the bar where there seems to be only a small queue. After ordering three shots for each person, you turn to look for the girls, which worries you as they’re nowhere to be seen.

“They shouldn’t have worn those heels.” You turn at the familiar voice and see Drew stood behind you, his chest tight against your back. You giggle and look back at the bartender who seems to be taking forever pouring your shots. A sudden surge of confidence runs through you and you look behind you.

“I’ve never realised how good you look in black skinny jeans,” you smirk, and before he can reply, you grab the tray of shots and head back to the booth. However, before you make it back, someone grabs a shot and downs it before reaching for another.

“Hey pretty lady, what are you doing being a waitress in a club?” The guy is clearly drunk and undresses you with his eyes.

“If you don’t mind, please can we get past? We’re just trying to get to our friends,” you shout over the pounding music. Subconsciously you reach for Drew, and he steps closer, his hand on your lower back. You look at the rest of the group, who have already started to make their way over, clearly sensing this won’t end well.

“Why don’t you come home with me? I’ll show you a good time.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, we don’t want any trouble, but you’ve just disrespected my girl.” Drew steps in front of you and you place the shots on a nearby table, blushing slightly intensely at the fact he called you his girl.

Before you know it, punches are being thrown and Chase and JD are dragging Drew out of the club, Austin’s arm around your shoulder. You look out of the window of the taxi at the empty streets, feeling Austin’s arm still around your shoulder. You don’t know how long the ride home is, but the group enters the house in silence. You glance at JD and he motions for everyone to go upstairs, leaving you and Drew alone.

“Do you need an ice pack? Pain killers? Band-aids?” Your eyes follow Drew, who sits down slowly on the sofa and clenches his fists until his knuckles turn white.

“What would have happened if you were alone? He could’ve done anything,” he growls, not looking away from his lap.

“I’d be fine, just tell him to go away and that I wasn’t interested. Can I get you anythi-”

“God, can you stop thinking about everyone else and be selfish for once? You don’t take care of yourself enough and work yourself too hard. You should be talking about how a guy could’ve – could’ve done anything to you, but no! You’re worrying about me!” He looks at you with tears in his eyes, making you rush over to his side.

You pull him in for a hug and he buries his head in your neck. After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, you bring his head up to look in his eyes.

“I know anything could’ve happened, but I’m okay. Nothing happened because of you. Thank you. And I know I should be talking about it, but you’re bleeding. Let me take care of you,” you whisper the last part. He slowly nods his head and follows you to the kitchen.

Sitting down at the table, he clears his throat and goes to speak, but nothing comes out. You look at him expectantly, as you take out the first aid kit and get everything ready.

“You’re too good for this world, you know? No one compares to you. You always put others first and-”

“Stop talking,” you demand. You clean his lip and his other wounds and pack everything away. Turning back to him, he goes to speak, but you interrupt.

“I was brought up to put the needs of others before mine and take nothing in return, that’s just how I am. But I- I’m sick of hiding my feelings Drew. Seeing you hurt because of me, that hurt me. I never wanted to put you in danger. I guess it hurt me so much because I like you. More than a friend. And I hope you feel the same way, but if you don’t that’s okay. I um, I want to be mature about this, so can we not make this awkward?”

He stands up and pushes you against the counter. You are insanely aware of his large hands on your hips and his breath fanning your face. His large frame towers over you and he tilts your head to look up at him.

“Why do you think I got in a fight for you?”

Before you can respond, he delicately places his lips on yours, as if trying not to break you. You never thought the night would end like this, kissing Drew slowly and passionately with your hands bunching his shirt in the kitchen. When you break apart, you look into his eyes and he blushes.

“I guess you feel the same way then,” you say.

“Absolutely not”, he teases, nudging his nose against yours as you gasp.

He tickles your sides as you slide your hands around his neck and bring him in for another hug, his arms wrapping around your waist tightly. Your feet leave the floor as he picks you up and you giggle, wrapping your legs around his waist. You kiss him again, with more force this time, and snake your fingers through his hair.

“Can we take this slow? I don’t wanna rush into anything,” you ask timidly after breaking away from the kiss. He nods quickly and puts you down.

“Of course, we do this at your pace,” he whispers. You look at the clock and yawn, only now realising it’s 3am. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You trail up the stairs behind him and he stops at your door, turning to you.

“Goodnight my love,” he says, and kisses your forehead tenderly.

“Goodnight,” you reply, aware of his nickname for you. You lean into his touch and spare him one last glance before heading into your room. After closing the door, you lean against it and look into the room, seeing the girls on your bed.

You run over to them, squealing, and sit next to them.

“Tell us everything!”

[the-nsr-family]

Main Au Timeline Part 2

as they heal up and spend more time with 1010, Zuke is less hyperly protective of mayday and they start to trust the boyband. Mayday forms a sibling like bond with them, and while zuke doesnt go that far, he will say that they are good friends (though mayday will tease him on wanting more with Rin)

- They also bond with tatiana more and slowly start opening up about their pasts to her and eachother (not to say neither knew stuff before the attack, but there wasnt really a time or place to say “i techinily have family that never stepped up to claim me when i was orphaned so i have abandonment issues from that and thats why i always want to be around you” and that “lightning storms freak me out as i saw my dad electracuted to death infrount of me by one and my encouragement for you to slow down and relax is due to watching my mother work herself to death while growing up after my dad died”)

- Tatiana’s personal guilt grows by mayday (seemingly unknowingly) conferming that she is the niece she refused to ever see, that she got so jelouse over her brother having that she refused to ever meet. that she spend years grieving over.

- unrelated to above but everyone in the house/penthouse is sleep-deprived because of night terrors, which occasionally turn violent (primarily for zuke, but watch out, mayday Bites)

-Tatiana gets ready for mayday to hate her as she sits her down for a talk, only to get blown away by the fact Mayday had known sense tatiana told them that she was ful kyra, but that mayday had forgiven her along time ago for not helping her “frist time we met, you where grieve over me, who you thought died 10 years ago back then”

tying back to the fact they actually met pre-game at a concert, and nice little closed circle which helps them bond

-tatiana breaking out the memoribila she never could get herself to get rid of? Mayday crying over hearing her parents vioces for a couple hours. she watches and listens to everything, and even finish the song her parents where working on.

time goes on, fmaily bonds grow stronger, Zuke and mayday wowing everyone with their singing voice (its mainly zuke, and rin falls in love even harder listening to him sing), they start releasing music again online and mayday starts a blog.

everyone meets and falls in love with aunty, that just the rules. their other friends (various NPCs and Most-likely self insterts) start to pop up in the NSR artists line of sight, which helps the other artists bond with B2J as their friends offer insights to how they think and react. (Also Reaffirming that mayday survived along time Alone on the streets by pointing out queues and things she does subconsciously and how the artists can adapt to her) 

then kliff starts up trouble again, tageting both civilain friends and NSR family alike, triggering Mayday and zukes biggest breakdown yet. only a few reasons stopped them from going out and facing kliff and his gang on their own- Mayday is still injured here, Aunty was talking them threw their spiral back to reality, tatiana came in and hugged them.

Rin and Zuke get togather everything is happy for a while- heck Mayday and zuke finally started to show their powers, though they had issues with them at frist, they where working on them when kliff biggest attack so far hits and mayday is taken.

(skipping over this as i already did a thing about it the other day)

Mayday gets back, they find out there is a stalker/treator in the building, the mega stars start to really close ranks, no one goes anywhere alone, aunty semi-forcefully has them through a party/get-to-gather to help unwind, tatiana isnt fully happy with it, but at the party she meets barbara.

now B2J has two kick ass moms (they dont fall into dating just like that, it takes a few months,)

when tatiana and barbara are firmly dating Beach Episode happens, all the good shit here.

sometimes after they come back maydays grandparents want to meet her. she says yes to one meeting then cuts them out of her life, her other aunts are pretty cool though

(and that should be everything so far that isnt any au stuff or personal character interpretations (thats a DIFFERENT post) - Heartbreaker _____________ We really owe a hell of a lot to Aunty in this AU uhjenfdhujknemd-

[playitbyear-laz]

I’ve wanted to use ‘Vain’ as an opening track for a minute, but because you know I’m all about curating based off themes, this week ended up becoming a bit of an exploration of the highs and lows of relationships. 

                        PLAY IT BY EAR 033

                               curated by laz

                     Link to all platforms HERE.

Vain - Christian Kuria

WHERE: Christian Kuria’s most recent album ‘Borderline’ was on repeat for me for a minute (featured ‘Losing You’ a few playlists back). Checked out his first project ‘Yearlong’ kind of recently and absolutely LOVED this record.

WHY: There’s just something super relatable to me about this track. We’ve all been in that position where we’re doing things for someone else with the expectation that we’ll get something in return (e.g., love reciprocated). Ultimately, the pain that comes from that experience is self-inflicted, and you realize that type of love isn’t rooted authentically. 

Now That You Need Me - Taylor McFerrin

WHERE: another one via the HB Weekly Playlist

WHY: Felt like this song flowed nicely after ‘Vain’, both sonically and thematically. Another familiar feeling when someone is finally ready to reciprocate that love, but it’s already too late, and you’re in a different space.  Has that liberating feel to it; late night drive through the city vibes. 

Lonely - Chloe x Halle

WHERE: Feel like I was pretty late to the Chloe x Halle train, but it’s safe to say that I’m a low key stan. Can’t think of one bad song off ‘Ungodly Hour’. 

WHY: Wish I discovered this track at the beginning of quarantine; it’s a really powerful message to hear for anyone getting a little stir crazy from isolation. Both Chloe and Halle sing so delicately on this track, which adds to the overall feelings of comfort that this record embodies. 

Who are you when no one's watching? You close the door to your apartment Are you afraid of the silence? Are you afraid of what you'll find in it?

Homewards - Mndsgn

WHERE: n/a (pretty sure just came up on my Spotify queue). 

WHY: Feels like a track of arrival. When describing this album, Mndsgn says 

"I've allowed myself to study the absence of daily struggle and it's effects, and began to subconsciously paint that vibe in the music. Yawn Zen comes from a very neutral place that we, sometimes, are too busy to realize is there."

A few weeks ago, I touched upon tapping into the joy that can be found in the mundane (the ‘very neutral place’). The intention behind this project/track couldn’t be more spot on. 

Wetin Day - Odunsi (The Engine)

WHERE: n/a

WHY: The perfect record to set the tone for a good night out. Think post-pregame in an uber with the homies, otw to the main spot. With the world slowly starting to open back up again, it’s finally feeling right to include some of these more upbeat, going out type records. 

Sun Burn - Dirty Art Club

WHERE: n/a

WHY: What a sunny day sounds like. This track randomly brings instruments & voice samples in and out of the beat, but these parts all seem to fit in the exact increments you need them.

Baby I’m Dyin’ - Lolawolf

WHERE: Mika (@mikacribbs) has been doing these stories where she’ll describe a setting and asks for requests that fit that vibe. I’m pretty sure this was a track from a ‘late night drive,’ story and once you listen, you’ll for sure see why.

WHY: I love how simply produced this track is - I usually find that the best love songs are. Zoe Kravitz is actually the lead singer of this group which makes a lot of sense considering how musically engrained she is. Still have yet to check out High Fidelity, (you won’t believe how many people have told me I’d love it).

let you go - wev, Biocratic

WHERE: Long overdue that I feature a track by my bro Trevor (wev).  Linus of Hablot Brown on the vocals. 

WHY: Wev is an artist with a ton of range. Most of his current discography consists of house records, but this is the first track I’ve heard him put out that’s got a more afrobeat feel. As I type/listen to this track, though, I realize how many parallels there are between house and afrobeat. Linus’s vocals here are smooth as ever too. 

[ciarawritesmarvel]

baker’s dozen - [bucky x reader]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: like it’s just fluff i don’t know what to tell you

A/N: I’m in such an autumnal mood and this is the result of that. As always, let me know what you think and I love you all v v much :)

masterlist in my bio and tags in the reblog! please drop me an ask to be added to any tag lists!

---

September 1st - the first day of autumn. And incidentally, one of your favourite days of the year.

In the bakery, the swirling smell of pumpkin and cinnamon was thick in the air and there was a rising heat from the ovens that forced you to shrug off the oversized cardigan you’d worn to work this morning. There was definitely flour on your forehead, you could feel the niggling sensation, but there was so much flour and batter on your hands and forearms that any attempt to remove it would only make the problem worse. If you took a breath through your mouth, you could taste the rich dark chocolate.

You grinned, and took a deep breath through your mouth.

“Knock knock!” came an all too familiar voice, along with a knock on wood that really would’ve done the job without the verbalisation.

You grinned regardless and rushed over to the side door to let the voice in.

“Happy autumn!” you exclaimed happily upon sight, arms stretched wide in both a gesture and an invitation for a hug. Bucky laughed.

“Happy autumn yourself,” he said back, far more mellow as he moved inside and hugged you to his frame with one arm, the other carrying something that you had to step backwards to see.

“Is that-?”

“The finest hot chocolate in all the land? Why yes it is. Special drink for a special day,” he said, handing you the packet and you thanked him profusely, walking over to load it into the hot chocolate machine.

“You want one now?”

“I’ll make one for the both of us,” Bucky explained, heading over to the whiteboard and reading the schedule you’d written on there, with the times of everything in the oven so far and everything yet to be baked, “You’ve been busy already I see?”

There was a hint of worry in his tone, as there always was when he got to work on time and found that you’d been in for a few hours already. You waved him away, wiping your hands on the towel over your shoulder.

“I couldn’t sleep anyway, thought I’d come in and get a headstart. You know excited I get about today!”

“I do, doll,” he chuckled, grabbing his stripey apron from the peg, the peg that had his name written in glittery gel pen above it, upon your insistence. He made the hot chocolates in record time, threw in a few marshmallows and swirled an expertly crafted swirl of cream on top, “For the lady.”

He handed it to you with a flourish and you took it with a grateful thanks, taking an immediate sip and laughing as you felt yourself gain a cream moustache. Looking at Bucky and seeing he had the exact same one left the two of you in fits of giggles, until you winked at him and licked away the cream.

Bucky gulped.

A hop back over to the board and another glance at your schedule had him getting to work on the snickerdoodles that you had been about to start on.

You switched your attention to the maple cupcake frosting that had to be made for the current batch cooking away in the oven. Just as you were adding a splash of water to the mixture in one of your industrial sized bowls, you felt Bucky’s presence behind you and smiled as you turned to him.

“Can I help you?”

“That’s exactly what I was going to ask,” he grinned, holding up a cloth and your eyes narrowed suspiciously to which he simply rolled his eyes and said - “Hold still.”

He moved closer with a single step. Lifting the cloth to your forehead, he paused for long enough for you to stop him if you wanted to before he gently wiped away the flour on your head, with soothing circular strokes and eyes that sparked with concentration. Your gaze flittered downward and you briefly noticed his teeth grazing his bottom lip before you forced yourself back up to his eyes.

“There,” he said softly, almost sweetly and you smiled up at him only briefly before he’d gone and the warmth that came with him went too. Probably a good thing, you reminded yourself. This kitchen was already warm enough.

You continued with the frosting and Bucky resumed work on his snickerdoodles. A quick check of the clock told you there was an hour until opening time. You were only a little behind schedule.

“How quickly do you think we’ll sell out today?”

“I’m going for a record two hours,” Bucky replied, using a cookie cutter on his snickerdoodle mix.

“That would be amazing!” your voice betrayed your excitement, “I suppose it depends how quickly we can get through the queues.”

“We get quicker every year, Y/N,” he reminded you, “This is going to be our best September 1st yet, I just know it!”

You knew, somehow, that he had turned to you and so you glanced over your shoulder and grinned at his hopeful expression.

September 1st may not have been a big day in most calendars, but it was one of the biggest in yours. Every year, you and Bucky closed the bakery on August 28th, took one day off entirely and then set to work preparing for the new Autumn Opening. You removed all of the pastels, iced teas and fruity flavours from your menu and started fresh with warm spices, hot beverages and freshly baked snickerdoodles. It was a quick turnaround but one you loved nevertheless.

Autumn was the best time of year.

It meant coming into work in cozy jumpers, but no cumbersome coat, with a styrofoam cup warming chilly fingers. It meant reds, oranges and yellows came alive within the display counters. It meant cinnamon and chocolate lingering on your tongue throughout the day from that bit of batter you couldn’t help but try.

Just as you were getting into work mode and blocking out everything around you, even wistful thoughts of fall, music began playing from the radio in the corner and you didn’t need to look up from your work to know who was the culprit. The soft sounds of the 1940s did that for you.

“Music helps me work,” Bucky said by way of explanation and you shook your head fondly.

“I know. And you know that as long as it’s soft and slow, I’m all for it.”

Bucky made a show of twirling around to you and squeezing your shoulder before twirling off to his end of the kitchen. You didn’t look up at him, because you were concentrating, but also for fear of looking too fond or glancing too furtively, a fear that often plagued your mind as of late. The fear that any look in his direction might betray you, that any glance might let him know.

On the other hand, what with your hopeless obliviousness, Bucky was given free rein to glance with the reckless abandon of a man in love for the first time in a very long time.

The former Avenger had fallen in love with his new lifestyle almost as much as he had fallen in love with you. After a few years of being one of Earth’s mightiest heroes, Bucky realised he hadn’t given nearly enough time to being one of Earth’s actual citizens. So, with Steve’s hearty blessing and Tony’s gift of a modest apartment in the heart of Brooklyn, he set out on his own for the first time in his life and learned how to live a normal life.

It was about a month into this normal life that he met you.

He’d been walking along the street, an early morning walk he often took to get him out into the world, dreadfully hungry and too far from home to simply wait. A distinctly sweet smell came at just the right time and without much of a second thought he was entering the bakery and came face to face with...nobody. He took a longing glance at the array of cakes and biscuits on display then edged further into the shop, looking around for anyone who may be in charge.

All of a sudden, you popped up. Quite literally, as you appeared from behind the counter, pushed your hair back into place and put on your best smile, which ended up only looking 60% manic.

“Hello! Welcome to Baker’s Dozen! How can I help you?”

And somehow, Bucky couldn’t help himself.

“Are you okay?”

You blinked, the question completely taking you by surprise. You quickly collected yourself though, to your credit, and deflated before his very eyes.

“Well, no. I’m just having a bit of a breakdown-” you looked back down at the floor longingly as if you wished you could get back down to it and the thought crossed his mind that you might have been lying down on it, defeated. You quickly bounced back though and your customer service ready smile returned in a flash, “-but it’s nothing to worry about! Can I get you something?”

But Bucky was far too immersed now to go back. As he looking back on the memory now, he realises that even then his subconscious had noticed the kindness of your smile, however tired it was, and he could see the beauty of your past features in his minds’ eye. Though he would never have known it then, he knew now that he had been incredibly attracted to you, almost magnetically so, and it was that which drove him to push the conversation.

“You want to talk about it?”

“...Really?”

Bucky shrugged. Leant an elbow on the counter.

“I’ve got nowhere to be.”

You hesitated, wondering whether or not to confide in this total stranger of a customer, one that you’d never even seen in your bakery before, but whose eyes betrayed a person of trust, a person that seemed vaguely and pointedly familiar.

“It’s just that - well, my new hiring called this morning to say she no longer wanted the job, on the day she was supposed to start,” you laughed, hollow and empty, a laugh of someone who feels they have nothing left to laugh about but needs to laugh anyway, “So unless you know a keen amateur baker, I’m afraid there’s no point in talking about it.”

You sighed, raising a hand to your face and rubbing down it with a harsh touch.

And it didn’t take Bucky long from there to awkwardly offer up his services, for a peg to be cleared for his apron, for him to up to his elbows in cupcake batter in the back kitchen with a recipe by his side and you floating in and out from out front.

Nothing much had changed since then. And it had been three years.

You were still the main face at front of shop, with Bucky coming in and out with fresh batches and special smiles for regular customers used to seeing him around. One difference was that you now knew where you had recognised him from, of course, but none of his past was even a slight concern once you’d tasted his brandy snap recipe. You’d been joined at the hip since, an inseparable pair, an unstoppable team, a force to be reckoned with.

Having a former Avenger around only helped your business flourish, anyway.

You finished your final swirl of frosting with your piping bag and carried the tray out to the front of house, already seeing a small line of people outside the door fifteen minutes early. The mere sight made you grin and run back into the kitchen.

“There’s already people, Buck!” you nearly squealed, running over to him and jumping on his back, laughing at his little sound of indignation at the action. He quickly regained his bearings though, and spun on the spot until you fell from his back and back onto the floor, feet stumbling slightly and he held out a hand ready to steady you just in case.

“That’s great, Y/N,” he said sincerely, his smile radiating, “I think we’ll have a couple of high profile customers this morning too.”

He waggled his eyebrows and you hit him on the chest as you giggled. Bucky often called in a few of his Avenger friends on new season opening days, just to create a buzz and add to media attention. At first, you resented it, not wanting to use him for fame or anything of the like, but when you’d been assured that they actually loved what you two baked anyway, you didn’t mind so much anymore.

The renewed energy helped you to carry all the baked goods you’d made this morning and over the past days into the front area, arranging them neatly in cabinets and windows, exchanging waves and smiles with those you could see waiting in line through the glass out front. Bucky finally took his fresh snickerdoodles out of the oven just in time and brought them in, filling the room with the smell of sweet cinnamon and you helped him arrange them on a specific section you’d left empty especially.

“Finally finished,” you muttered happily, startling just a little at sudden arms encircling your waist from behind and a firm chest pressed against your back. Your breath hitched.

“You have no idea-“ a little content sigh in the middle of your sentence as you shuffled your head so it sat comfortably against his chest, “-how glad I am you asked me if was okay three years ago.”

“Well, I could hardly let you lying on the floor slip past me.”

“You could have. But you didn’t,” you replied happily, squeezing his forearms and turning around in his hold. You were far too close to him to be doing it, but the excitement of the moment and the tenderness held after tears of such close friendship made you throw caution to the wind as you leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, lingering more than you should, “Love you, Buck.”

He paused. You were already moving on, pulling away from his hold to go over to unlock the door, not wanting to acknowledge the moment for what it was and he decided to go along with that. He smiled fondly to himself. One day.

“Love you too, doll.”

The customers began flooding in and Bucky spotted Nat and Sam in the throngs of the crowd. He shot them a quick wave and a smile, turned to you to do the same then cracked on with the job at hand, contenting himself with his loving glances of reckless abandon for now.

[for-his-dream-xciii]

New Happiness (F)

Pairing: sf9 chani x reader.

Genre: fluff, one shot.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 3k.

A/N: Hello there, if anyone is reading this, I hope you can enjoy this story a lot. This is my first time writing a thing like this so, I’m sorry for all my mistakes. Also, english is not my first language so again sorry, hehe. I noticed that there aren’t many sf9 scenarios and since I craved for a chani scenario a lot because he’s my baby, I got inspired by a dream I had so I wrote this, also adding more elements to make it more interesting. Fantasies, I love y’all.♡

Also a big thank you to Guille who helped me a lot with this and for being the only one who is always there for me when I cry about chani.~

As you were arriving to the venue you still couldn’t believe how your sister had managed to convince your mother into letting her go to this concert and by all means drag you with her as well. You were trying to concentrate all your energies into the upcoming exams you had to prepare for this semester so, dealing with this stuff right now felt like a waste of time and got a little bit on your nerves. Of course you loved your sister a lot, and you would do anything for her, but right now you were just so stressed that everything in your surroundings felt annoying and you just wanted to get this done so you could get back home as soon as possible.

Spring was around the corner when the news about this indie band that wasn’t even that famous came along. And so, Amelie, your little sister, got interested in them a lot, since she liked the simple vibe their songs had, unlike other girls of her age, her interests were different and very unique. You were certainly quite proud of how well she had grown up through the years, after helping your mother to raise her in any aspect you could. You three were alone in the world, and because of that you were always there to support each other.

The concert date was approaching but you just kept studying and didn’t pay much attention to your sister who was so excited about it. Though, deep down you were happy that she had found a thing or two to distract herself in a healthy way from all the stressful stuff she had going on sometimes.

D-day was here and now Amelie and you were waiting on the line outside the venue with a bunch of people. There weren’t that many but it was enough to fill both floors inside. The queue moved, and you proceeded to pay for the tickets with the code you had already saved online a couple weeks ago, you gave it to the boy who was attending and he handed you over the two tickets with no problems.

Calmly and side hugging your sis, you entered the hall, now the only thing left was for them to open the doors and then the concert would be starting soon. You were sure it wouldn’t be that long, as soon as the sun went completely down they will be done and you will get to finally go home.

You separated from the hug and while walking you decided to check your phone and as you tried to reply to the messages from your best friend who was telling you how she couldn’t decide what she was going to have for dinner you stumbled into someone.

“Oh my- I am so sorry.” you said as your eyes went up to meet a brown haired guy who was also looking apologetically for not paying attention to where he was going either.

You both stayed still for a moment. Breathless for a second that felt like forever.

“Chani? Lucas! Hey, how are you?” Amelie said smiling. Chani and you were still staring at each other. He had the cutest, shiniest brown eyes and the sweetest stare you had ever seen before. But of course, you being you, got overwhelmed at the situation and immediately looked away before you even dare to blush. How did this guy managed to almost get that from you? Yes, he was very good looking but, was it that much of a big deal to almost make you blush? You took a quick glance at him again, from head to toe, his beauty was truly breathtaking and you felt a rush of excitement running through your body. May all at those love-at-first-sight stories be damn, you did not believe in such things. But again, who said love? You were allowed to think a guy looked extremely fine at first sight, right?

Wait, so Amelie knew them?

“Y/N, this is Lucas, he’s one of my classmates.” your sister explained. “And he’s Chani, his older brother.”

You all exchanged some polite “Nice to meet you.” and then proceeded to keep walking to the doors, where a certain amount of people were already gathering.

After saying your goodbyes, Lucas and Chani kept walking forward, you and your sister stayed still, close to one of the doors.

“So… I guess you aren’t that close to Lucas. I thought you two would maybe want to go inside together.” you stated while watching Amelie’s reaction, she looked unbothered. “It’s better when you have nice people to share this kinda stuff with, you know.” You were hoping not to sound too lonely, but Amelie looked up at you.

“It’s okay dude, we are here together.” And that’s how she cut off the subject and y'all finally got inside the venue a few minutes later.

While going inside many people went to the second floor and many people chose to stay in the first one. The truth was, each floor had a nice view of the scenario so it was really up to the personal preferences of each person to choose where you were going to stay during the whole presentation. Amelie wanted to stay in the first one so you went further to get close to the stage, even though a lot of people were already stuck right beside it.

As you waited, a few songs of the band were softly playing as background music so you were hoping to recognize some songs later on when they will came out and do them live.

While you were enjoying one particular song, you had this weird feeling that a gaze was on you, so you started to look around and yet everybody seemed to be minding their own business jamming to the songs or talking to each other, it wasn’t until you started to scan the second floor when your eyes met Chani’s for the second time that evening. The moment it happened he played it cool, looking away while keeping a straight face. In fact, when you had just met him a few minutes ago, he was also holding this serious, yet not rude expression. It only made you more curious about him.

You turned to look at the stage again, trying to not think about Chani anymore, and kept humming to a song Amelie made sure to get it stuck in your subconscious before today.

As the background music died, the band members started to come out and all the people cheered for them warmly. The concert was going great, many of the songs were slow jams but it was a very enjoyable atmosphere. At some point you grow weak and looked up to check on Chani, he seemed to be enjoying this even more than Lucas. You really started to regret the fact that he and Amelie weren’t close enough to stick together earlier.

But then you got an idea.

“Hey… wanna go to the second floor?” you asked, trying not to look straight at Amelie’s face, she would read through you right away and you weren’t sure if you could give her a proper explanation to your sudden request.

“Why? We are fine here, besides I’m sure there’s only a few more songs left. What if we don’t get a comfortable spot? We are okay here.” she said without looking at you. She was right, the concert was probably gonna end soon because you could tell the sun was starting to go down, just as you predicted. The concert will be done as soon as the sun gets fully hidden.

“You’re right, but still... we should go up. Don’t you think it would be great if we can see the two perspectives of the show? I mean, we are lucky enough to be here. We should enjoy it as much as we can.” And from where the hell did all of that came? You were taken aback yourself at how smooth you sounded.

For a moment, Amelie stood unbothered, but then she looked up at you.

“Alright then, let’s go.” YES. YES. Wait, why am I so excited? Please, be chill.

You both quickly took the stairs so you wouldn’t miss many parts of the show taking too much time going up. As soon as you started moving through the people who were on this floor you regretted coming here. What were you thinking? It’s not like you could just go wherever Lucas and Chani were and act like y'all were friends or something.

You spotted them leaning on the railing and decided to play it cool so you would look like you didn’t see them and were casually going around.

But Amelie also spotted them, and right away she looked at you smiling. “Oh… my God.”

“What?” you asked looking at her. She knew you too well. She knew you don’t usually do this kind of stuff just because. You must have a reason.

“You brought me here so we could be closer to Chani? Did you like him? You from all people? The almighty I-don’t-have-time-for-boys Y/N? This is hilarious.”

“Oh please don’t be silly-”

“I thought It was weird when you asked to move, you hate moving around in events like this. Now it makes sense.”

“It’s really not like that Amelie-”

“Hey.” she stopped on her tracks. “For once, let me help you, as much as you always help me. Come on.” She grabbed your hand and started to drag you closer to where to boys were. “Just try to be friendly you know, I mean wait, don’t, don’t try, just be you and see what’s up. I will do my best to get along with Lucas so you two can freely talk.”

“What? Amelie I swear-” but you never got to finish your sentence because you were already behind the boys.

“Hey guys, we meet again.” Amelie let out, both turned around. Chani looked at you gifting you a shy smile. W-was he really smiling at… you? CHILL, REMEMBER TO BE CHILL.

“Hey, are you guys having fun?” you asked, you exchanged looks with Lucas and he felt relieved… Relieved? Relieved of what?

“One of the best shows I ever attended to.” said Lucas now looking at Amelie, she returned a smile to him. “And now that you’re both finally here I shall finally have peac-” he was interrupted by Chani. “I’m sure what my little brother is trying to say is that he’s glad we are not alone anymore, he gets easily tired of me. Don’t you, little demon?” Chani said while ruffling his hair.

“Please, let go of me, talk to her alre-”

“Don’t y'all love this song?” Chani half screamed, you jumped a little bit because of his voice, he had a very low tone while speaking and that half scream took you by surprise.

As if Amelie immediately understood what was going on she turned to Lucas and started to talk about lot of stuff related to the songs, the band and members. You were left wondering why she waited to this day and this moment to finally get close to this boy. Was she really trying her best because she thought you liked Chani and she could help you both to get along if she did the same with Lucas? You truly raised the sweetest girl.

“So… how long has it been since you know this band? I thought they weren’t that popular?” You asked Chani, now all of you moving to lean again into the railing. The sun was still present but it wasn’t hot, unlike many concerts that are during the day, today was a lovely spring day and for some reason your body just felt super relaxed, as if you lungs were getting clearer oxygen, it was a strange but exciting sensation.

“I actually discovered them about a year and a half ago, I think. Ever since I found out about them, both me and Lucas enjoyed many of their songs so, coming today was a must.” He replied, looking at the stage where the vocalist was looking at one of his bandmates and smiling.

You found yourself admiring Chani’s side profile, he seemed to have no bad angles…

“That’s cute.” you laughed. “I actually don’t know many of their songs but I came here for Amelie.”

“I guess I owe Amelie a big one.” he let out on an almost inaudible voice, thinking you wouldn’t be able to catch it, still focused on the stage where the band was starting the last chorus of that song. But you did hear it.

And that’s all it took. You were blushing. As you were just admiring how it was such a beautiful day, now you suddenly felt hot. And even if you didn’t understand why, you liked it. Though, the little tingles in your stomach made you panic. You could be just assuming things, you thought. Don’t.

Brushing off the tingles you decided to also focus on the stage now, where the drummer was explaining how only 3 songs were left.

You were sad, why didn’t you think about coming up here earlier. You hadn’t done much, and you still didn’t know how to face him and tell him you wanted to know more about him.

As you kept struggling searching for the right words to say so you wouldn’t sound too desperate, you heard Lucas and Amelie who now were a little far from Chani and you, but their conversation still was able to reach your ears.

“… I swear, the entire concert Chani hasn’t shut up about your sister, he wanted to convince me to go down on the first floor but I told him It would look creepy, besides, I didn’t want to bother you two, you gave me the impression of wanting to be left alone.” You were one hundred percent sure neither of them knew you were listening, so you kept a straight face and kept looking at the scenario.

“Oh no, don’t worry.” Amelie said. “I also thought It was strange of my sister, wanting to come up here. I guess they shared a thing.” she mischievously laughed. “And please, don’t think about us like that, I’m just not good at making friends I guess and well my sister, yes she looks kinda scary because she doesn’t smile that much, but she is very friendly once you get to know her.”

“Guess Chani just found someone who will understand him-” Lucas started to laugh.

“Also…” Amelie wasn’t finished. “I do like you a lot, you know Christina told me about what you did for her, I thought you were a very nice person. I’m just not too talkative, It’s truly not your fault.”

“Well, you are being talkative now… Thank you, I guess. It’s good to know… I also think you are a very nice person yourself.”

They both kept chatting and your attention went back to the stage when only 2 songs were left.

Chani and you kept exchanging shy looks and he came closer to you, so now his right arm oftenly made contact with your left arm. The tingles again. May them be damn.

“You know…” you finally said, looking directly at Chani’s eyes. As the sun was now directly hitting you both, you now had to close one of your eyes while looking up to him. According to you, you probably looked ridiculous. But for Chani, he felt his heart melt as he found you quite adorable.

The whole concert he kept looking at you. He never saw a girl like you before. You had this cool and serious aura, he felt very attracted to you since your eyes met again inside the venue. He kept having this strange feeling of wanting to get to know you. And since he couldn’t come up with a better idea he started to let it all out with Lucas. He kept asking him about you, and of course Lucas didn’t know much. He told Chani the only things he ever heard Amelie said, about how much time you dedicate to college, that’s why you couldn’t always be there for some of Amelie’s school activities. Unlike Chani, who spent a lot of time helping Lucas with them. So that’s why you two had never met before.

“I think their last song today is gonna be one of my favorites.” you breathed. You felt happy. A brand new kind of happy. You were glowing. So then, you gave him a little smile.

That’s all it took for him. He broke into a wide smile staring at you. He was almost speechless. He wanted nothing more than to get enough luck so you would get interested in him too. Having you by his side felt so right and warm, at that moment he knew he didn’t ever wanted you to go too far away from him, he had a thousand butterflies going crazy in his stomach so after a rush of courage he let out. “So… uh, if you want to, maybe I could give you my number? Is that okay?” His heart was about to jump from that second floor as if going into a suicide mission.

“That sounds great, I shall give you mine too then.” You agreed, you looked away while the last song started. You refused to look at him again, you didn’t want him to notice how flustered you were, you felt so damn lucky as if you had just won the lottery. Gathering all your strength, you managed to get back to your cool stare, while the song was breaking into the chorus you tried to enjoy the last drops of today’s show. Just as you predicted the sunset was here. As the song was reaching the end, by instinct you looked up and locked stares with Chani who was being sunkissed in the most beautiful way you never knew a person could be, smiling at you. While looking straight into his eyes, your heartbeats went faster and appreciating all his features you couldn’t help to wonder if you ever would be able to kiss him like the sun was doing it right now.

[myukulelegentlyweeps]

Nowhere Man - Part III

A/n : Okay so I guess you could say in comparison with what I’ve written so far this is pretty angsty? I struggle with anxiety, and I thought it would be nice to write about how George would handle it and be all sweet about it so here it is. If you don’t like angsty stuff / you find descriptions of panic attacks triggering, you can just skip right along to the next part. Don’t worry, all in all it's pretty fluffy anyway

Warnings : Descriptions of anxiety, of a panic attack

Word count : 1455

SPECIAL THANKS TO @1968georgeharrison who beta-read and helped with the editing (also she has an amazing url, 1968 George is one of my favourite Georges ; go follow her, her blog is great)

“Mary, I’m going now!”, hand on the doorknob, you made one last call to your roommate, who was sitting in your living room flipping through the pages of a magazine - the cover read, amongst other things, a small title in red letters, “Beatles to break up soon?”, which saddened you in spite of yourself. They were half the world population’s favourite band - that included you - and it was not going to be easy to let go of these years of charisma and great music. The four lads had practically defined an era and Lord knows it’s hard for people to move on ; if any of them tried to carry on with a solo career, it was safe to say the “Beatle” title would follow them around.

It was not only the press’ suppositions. George himself had told you about Paul’s desperate efforts to delay the inevitable, which was ultimately making into more of a bossy asshole than anything. What had once been The Great Beatles was now falling apart into a strange combo of four tired men being passive-aggressive toward each other as Yoko waltzed around the studio eating his biscuits. George was very fussy about his biscuits. All jokes aside, you saw how tense and irritable he was when he left the sessions, and for that a part of you was hoping Let It Be would be their last album. You cared about him too much to watch him suffer in this manner.

“Off to see loverboy then?”, she looked up from her reading, an obvious smirk painted across her face as she continued : “Don’t forget what I -” “I know, I know, get an autograph for your little sister whose birthday is coming up.” you cut in mid-sentence. “She’s cute and I’ll do what I can. But you’ll owe me big time, you’re putting me in a very awkward position here.” Usually people do not have to ask their friend/love interest for an autograph. It did not help that you were already somewhat nervous about meeting him that afternoon. You were unsure where the two of you stood : you had not seen each other since the night of the kiss and, though said kiss had meant the world to you, you could not just assume it was the case for him. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

You closed the door behind you and made your way down the staircase, taking deep breaths as you felt the anxiety beginning to rise in your throat. It saddened you - normally the perspective of seeing George made you happy, cheerful, bouncy even. Why did your brain do this to you? Once you had exited your building you started pacing hastily, eyes fixed on the sidewalk, trying to keep your vision from blurring. Maybe the nerves would fade once you got there.

They did not. In fact, they got worse. It was not so much George himself, whom you had greeted with an awkward ‘I don’t know whether we are friends or something more’ hug - he was smiling at you and being kind as always. But you wondered over and over again, Should I ask him for the autograph now? Should I wait a little? What will he think of me, he’ll get annoyed… and once your anxiety had been triggered, you knew your chances of calming down completely were slim. The coffee shop seemed to be louder than ever before. You were hyper-aware of every small noise, a customer speaking, a machine’s whistle, a teaspoon stirring sugar into a warm drink, and this diabolical orchestra of overlapping instruments played in your head like a class of kindergartners trying to decide on who gets to play with the all-favourite toy.

“Are you alright there (y/n)? Y’look a bit pale.”, he placed his hand on your upper arm, a mix of doubt and worry in his brown eyes, sensing your distress. “I’m fine…”, you said weakly. Your eyes shifted back to the queue in front of you : it suddenly appeared immense, as if the counter were miles away. Your heart pounded in your chest at a speed that almost scared you. You knew what you had to do, you knew what the healthy thing to do was. But could you tell him? So early on, you barely knew him, what would he think? Would it be oversharing? Would he judge you? What if he didn’t understand and- “(y/n). You’re shivering. Are you sure yer okay?”, his voice echoed once again in your ears, half-mixing with the rest of the cacophony. The wave emerged from the darkest depths of your head and you realised it too late to be able to stop it in time : tears started streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably. Of course your anxiety only increased, as it was the first time you were crying in front of him and your brain tortured you with assumptions about his opinion of you. He hates me now. I’ve ruined everything. Not that he ever liked me anyway, he just pitied me ; how did I ever think I could be good enough for him, a Beatle, for heaven’s sake… Your ears had now been completely detached of the coffee shop and were filled to the brim with your accelerated breaths. Seeing yourself shake only frightened you more ; you closed your eyes to shut every possible further trigger out.

While your panic unravelled, George stood next to you ; very concerned at first, he then seemed to realise something and his expression shifted slightly. He knew what this was. A friend of his suffered from anxiety, and he had been there during two of his panic attacks. Of course he was no expert, but at least he knew something about how he could help. He remembered his friend telling him that any additional stimuli during a panic attack, when the person is at her most fragile and vulnerable, was to be avoided ; he also understood, however, that he needed to get you out of the coffee shop before you could begin to calm down. He supposed touching you counted as a stimulus, but he could not think of another way : he reached to gently grasp your hand and led you outside without a word. You followed him almost subconsciously, too overwhelmed to comprehend what he was doing. Once you were out on the sidewalk and two cars drove by at full speed, he figured the city streets were not the ideal setting and, after a few seconds of hesitation, guided you toward the zebra crossing, still holding your hand.

Soon enough, you reached a bench in a very peaceful Hyde Park, where London’s busy streets felt like a bad dream you had finally woken up from. You hastily dried your eyes with the back of your sleeve, feeling significantly better - your breathing, at least, had slowed down. But your brain was still rushing and, according to it, the worst was yet to come. You would have to explain what happened to somebody you cared deeply about, whose judgement you feared above all others. You were trying to delay it by staring at your feet intently, but eventual confrontation of the problem was inevitable.

George was the first to break the silence : “Are you better, love?”. You nodded slowly in response, trying to work out an acceptable string of words of reassurance in your head. “I’m so sorry, George, I...I just…” Happy to hear your voice again, he gave you a small smile. “It’s okay (y/n), really, you don’t have to explain or justify anything.” “But I do.”, you replied with a slightly shaky voice. “No, you really don’t. I know what it is, a friend of mine ’s’got it too. That’s why I brought you to the park, thought it might help to get you away from the sensory overload of the city. Plus it doesn’t even matter what it is, I’m just glad you’re okay now.” After a short silence, he grinned mischievously and added : “Does it count as overstimulation if I kiss you?” Still a bit shaken, you nevertheless decided to go along with the attempt to lighten the mood. “I don’t know...I’d have to get back to you on that, but trying it is the only way to know, innit?” His smile widened and your lips joined into a sweet kiss which gave you the wonderful feeling of butterflies in your stomach, just like the first time. Which reminded you :

“George, I’m sorry to say this now, I guess it isn’t the best time but I have to know...What are we?”

“Well, again, I don’t know if it counts as overstimulation ; but I would love to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

[themarissaharrisxn]

remnants | self para

“Can you hear me? Marissa! Riss! Move your fingers if you can hear me.”. The voice was distant, quiet. It was a man, he sounded panicked and out of breath. Why couldn’t she move? “Riss, c’mon, what did you do?” Why did he sound like he was fading in and out? Why was it so dark? A light began flashing in the dark, up and down then side to side, really bright then really dull. What was happening? What had she done? 

“What can I say? It must be beginners luck,” Marissa smirked as the dealer dealt the third straight blackjack pair in a row. There were a few grumblings around the table as the dealer rolled over a 20, busting all players but her. She was sure she even heard one of them call her a bitch; how quaint. It was around ten in the evening, and Riss had already sunk a bottle of whiskey and several hundred dollars on the roulette tables. Blackjack was meant to be a game of pure luck, but if you learned enough about the game, there was always a way to beat Lady Luck. Although, tonight, she wasn’t even lying, Luck was just looking out for her.

Marissa saw Hayden come into work, and she couldn’t help but watch him for a while. He seemed different, as if there wasn’t as much weight on his shoulders anymore, but at the same time as if he was worse than ever. She thought back to the last time they spoke to how she threw a glass at him and slammed her door in his face. She had pushed him out of her life again. Why did she keep doing that? Pushing people away? It was like she wanted to be alone... Because if she was alone, she had an excuse. If she was alone, there became a reason to slip back into those delusions. She missed them. Missed her. Today was her birthday... They should have been here celebrating together.

“Are you playing, Ma’am? If not, there’s, um, there’s a queue waiting to join the table so--” The dealer swallowed nervously as he ran his fingers up and down the deck holder. Marissa looked to him then back at Hayden, then at the queue. She inhaled sharply before smiling at the dealer. “Sorry, no, no, I-- I think I’m done. Can only cheat luck for so long, can’t we?” Riss chuckled lightly as she stood up and brushed the wrinkles from her dress. “It’s been a pleasure,” she winked to the particularly attractive man on the other side of the table, picked up her chips, and left. 

Just leave. Stop drinking. Go home. Go to sleep. That’s what she told herself. It’s what she knew was the smart choice. But, hell, when the fuck did Marissa Harrison ever settle for the smart choices in life? She walked over to the bar, dropping her chips down on the counter hard enough to capture his attention. Her heart skipped a beat as he turned around from returning a bottle to the top shelf, her bottle, her whiskey. Her lips parted to speak, but nothing came out. She sighed. She wanted to just hug him, but he was at work, and after last time and by the look on his face, she wasn’t even sure he wanted her to. 

“What are you drinking, Marissa?” He asked, cold as ice as if she were just another customer. As if they didn’t go back years. As if nothing had ever happened between them. 

“W-- Whiskey,” she stuttered, as much of a forced smile as she could manage. “I have a tab here, just--” 

“I know. I’ll put it on the tab.”. He cut her off with a nod as he placed the glass in front of her and served her whiskey. The casino was anything but silent, but the silence between him and her was deafening. Why did she push him away again? Why was he being so cold? What was wrong with her? 

“Thank you,” she smiled, her lips parting once again to speak, but no words finding their way out. How are you? It wasn’t a hard question to ask, just ask it. Her grip around the glass was vice-like, any harder, and it threatened to break. She became lost in the murky brown liquor as she tried to piece together what to say, what to ask him, whether to see if he wanted to come over after he was done. Riss swallowed thickly. “Hay--” she breathed out as she looked up, but he wasn’t there. He was down the other end of the bar, serving another customer with a smile twice as wide as he’d given her. Her eyes welled, and knuckles turned white. Fuck him. Fuck this. Fuck all of this fucking shit, right? She knocked back the drink in one go and pushed the glass off the side of the bar, so it smashed all over his floor, ice, and glass shattering everywhere. Their eyes locked, and she stormed off. 

She’d done nothing wrong. This wasn’t her fault. He was the one that faked his own death. He was the one who caused this. Not her. Fuck him! As she approached the main doors, they were quickly opened for her by the bouncer, and waiting outside was the limo that ferried people from Labyrinth to Plan B. That was a bad idea, but fuck it, right? She was celebrating for two, after all. She got into the back of the car and was relieved to find it empty. “We’re not waiting for more people. Let’s go, Jeremy. Plan B,” Riss practically ordered the driver as she immediately poured herself a glass of champagne. 

The feeling of the moving car felt comforting, the physical reassurance that she was getting away from Hayden, from those problems and those emotions. But, the whole ordeal had sobered her and tonight, especially now, she was aiming for anything but sober. The ride to Plan B was only short, no longer than fifteen minutes in traffic, but in that time, Marissa had finished the bottle and after giving James a kiss on the cheek, walked into the club. 

The bass of the music coming through the speakers matched her heartbeat. Steady. Controlled. A topless dancer passed by her, a flirtatious smirk on her face as her eyes practically fucked her right then and there. Marissa turned and walked backward a few paces so she could watch her walk away, her tongue slowly licking over her bottom lip. Her eyes jumped up and clocked with the bartender, and she winked, mouthing ‘my usual’ before turning around and walking to the executive booth at the front of the main stage. 

The dancer that had been performing slowly walked off the stage, glancing back to Marissa before disappearing behind the curtain. In the few minutes between performances, a glass, a bucket of ice, and a bottle of her whiskey were brought over to her, her first glass poured out. The darkness of the club, the intensity of the music, the show that was being put on for her allowed her to leave her own reality behind, to get lost in everything. Then, out of the curtains came her favorite dancer, Denise. 

The blonde locked eyes with her as silver heels carried her down the runway, the white lingerie beaconing her angelic figure. The woman was everything she was attracted to, and on a day like today, Delilah’s birthday, it was exactly what she needed to get lost in. Marissa let her work the pole, eyes only ever removed from her body to top up her drink. After a while, the distance between them was too much, and so, with a smirk, Riss gave Denise the ‘come here’ gesture, mouthing the words for good measure. 

Denise walked down the stage stairs and up into her booth, hand reaching behind to her back and removing the small amount of fabric she was calling a bra. God, she was beautiful. She had always been so beautiful. She had missed her so much. “You look so good up there tonight, baby, but I know you already know that, don’t you?” Riss murmured as Denise straddled her lap, her eyes telling Marissa everything she wanted to do to her without the need for words. The blonde took Marissa’s hands and guided them over her body, letting out small moans and gasps as she danced for the investor. 

With each drink Riss took, with each dance Denise gave her, Riss lost herself more and more to the night, more and more to her mind. She took a shot, and then returned her attention to the stripper, only it wasn’t the stripper anymore. Riss almost choked on the liquor as it slipped down her throat. “Delilah?” She breathed out, eyes widening then narrowing as she realized how blurry her vision had become. Fuck, how much had she drunk? She looked to the bottle. Empty. She looked back to the blonde who seemed concerned, but not surprised. “D-- George, what--” Riss stuttered as she shook her head and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. It’s okay. It’s okay... Wait, why was she trying to push this away? Why was she trying to stop this? Why was she stopping it? She opened her eyes again. 

She was at home.

“Delilah?!” She called out, hoping that someone would answer, hoping that there was some explanation to how she was suddenly home. Had she blacked out and been brought back by Delilah. Where was she anyway? Riss stood up, instantly became dizzy and fell back down to the couch. Fuck, her head was spinning. She looked around and saw her phone. Thank God, maybe that held answers. Marissa grabbed it, unlocked it and scrolling through her notifications. No taxi calls, no Uber ride, how the fuck did she get back in one piece? There was an unread message though, from Shane. 

Hope you’re doing okay, I know it’s a rough day today... Call me if you need anything. Always here for you, Riss.

It’s a rough day today? Why was today a rough day? “Delilah!” She shouted again with a groan, standing up again, slower this time. “Babe?” Riss called out, taking slow steps around the house. She went in and out of every room, twice. She was alone. Her subconscious must have figured out what was happening because she went to the bedroom again and opened the wardrobe. All that was in there was her own clothes. She went to the other bedside table and opened it. A small bear lay in the drawer. She’d brought it back from New York when she went at Christmas. When she went to visit the grave. Her chest began to rise and fall in a panic, she shook her head and pulled at her hair. “No-- no, no, no...” She muttered to herself, again and again before letting out a piercing scream that echoed off every wall as she fell to the ground. She remembered. Everything came back like a train hitting her. Her heart broke all over again. She had to stop doing this, had to get rid of everything and anything that brought her back, that broke her heart. 

Riss became blind-sighted, running around her apartment, opening every single draw, every compartment, every safe, she threw every last bit of evidence that Delilah had ever died into a trash can and put it in the middle of her living room. She stared at it, all of the letters, all of the pictures, the certificate of death, the jewelry, the old perfume bottles. There was only one way to get rid of it all. She had to get rid of it all. She had to stop doing this, it was getting fucking old. She had to either get on with her life or just lose it completely. She had no idea which it would be, but this wasn’t an option anymore. 

Her hand reached into her pocket and pulled out a Zippo. Her breathing dropped back down, suddenly becoming steady. Her eyes became devoid of emotion, though tears ran down her cheeks. Shaking hands flicked the top, igniting the flame. She took a bottle from the globe-shaped drink cabinet and poured it over the trash can, then took a step back and threw the Zippo. 

A plume of fire exploded into the blackness, the flame rolling outwards like the smoke of a mushroom cloud. The heat was oppressive, but she didn’t run. She didn’t even move. She just stared at the flames, taking in the smell of her old life burning away. The fire was dancing, licking at the edges of the can, demanding more room to grow and more substance to fuel its rage. Black smoke began billowing from the top as the amber refused to be contained and began reaching hungrily for fuel. 

It wasn’t until the fire alarm started blaring that Marissa had realized that it had taken her couch as its own. She looked up to the ceiling in panic, there were supposed to be sprinklers, right? Where were they? She couldn’t even see the ceiling above the black smog which began falling down on her like a curse. What had she done? Riss looked around to grab her phone, to try and call help. The ashy air caught her lungs, causing her to cough and wheeze. She saw her phone become victim to the flames and as she looked around she realized that there was no route out, the only escape was the balcony ten feet away. Her eyes were stinging, barely able to make out anything but orange and yellow and red. 

Every step feels as if it could be the last before she collapses. Her head is light, she wants to scream but she can’t, she can barely breathe. But then she feels glass in front of her and she feels hope. Her fingers fumble with the sliding lock, the last of her strength and energy goes into pushing the door open and she falls out onto the concrete. Darkness takes her.

Hayden had clocked off from the casino and couldn’t stop thinking about Marissa. He felt like a dick for the way he behaved earlier that night, especially when he remembered what day it was. He hated the dynamic between them now, hated that they had become strangers, enemies. She was his best friend and had been for years. He needed to make things right. So, he drove around to her place, but as he turned the corner he was greeted with fire trucks, squad cars, and ambulances. There were forklifts up the side of the building, and flames violently billowing out of the top of the block. Out of the penthouse. Out of Marissa’s apartment. 

“What the fuck happened?!” He asked one of the Police Officers on the cordon. “Let me through please, I live here-- that apartment is my best friend's apartment, let me through!” He only half lied. The cop looked at him, then looked behind him and clearly chose to let someone else deal with keeping him contained because he lifted the yellow tape and Hayden ducked through. He ran over to the fire trucks and to one of the marshals. “Is anyone up there? My friend-- Marissa-- that’s her place, the penthouse, is she up there? Do you have her?” He fired question after question until the marshal placed his hand on Hayden’s shoulder. 

“Calm down, son. We got her, she’s coming down the lift now. She’s alive but-- she’s unconscious, we don’t know how bad yet,” he said, pointing up as the lift was slowly coming down the side of the building. Hayden began to pace, his hands were shaking, in fact, his whole body was shaking. He couldn’t lose her. How hypocritical was that? He faked his own death now he couldn’t lose her. God, why the fuck was the lift taking so long? 

“Can’t that thing go any fucking faster?!” He yelled out, hand covering his mouth straight after. They landed on the ground and Hayden ran over, pushing one of the marshals who had tried to stop him out of the way. They took her off and placed her onto a medical stretcher, and straight into the back of an ambulance. He didn’t leave her side, telling the paramedic that he’d have to knock him out if he didn’t want him getting in the back of the ambulance with them. 

“Can you hear me? Marissa! Riss! Move your fingers if you can hear me,” he said, the panic evident in his voice. “Riss, c’mon, what did you do?” Hayden begged, his hand holding hers as the paramedic used a flashlight to try and get any response from her eyes. They were twitching as the light passed by, which meant she was in there, but she wasn’t squeezing his hand back. “Riss, riss-- please, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I-- I fucked up, I need you, okay? Please... Come back to me...” Hayden cried, his head dropping onto the side of the bed as the paramedic put an oxygen mask over Riss as the ambulance began its high-speed journey to the hospital. 

“She’ll be okay, mate,” said the paramedic in a tone that had clearly comforted too many people already that night. “Just a few lung burns, give her a few hours on oxygen and she’ll be awake, okay? Her stats are normal, just the oxygen is low as expected. She’s okay.”.

Hayden knew that this happening today meant everything other than her being okay. 

She wasn’t okay.

But he was going to be there for her. 

Always.

[lunawings]

King of Prism translation: Let’s Find Out Each Other’s Secrets with a Fortune Telling Game!♡

Translator’s Notes: This is the first translation directly influenced by my most recent poll, in which “magazine stories” won the vote. It’s from 2D☆STAR, which if you are not aware, is an idol magazine where the gimmick is that they interview the actual characters as if they were real (instead of the staff).  It is a 3-part “interview” (Over the Rainbow/SePTENTRION/Joji) which I believe was featured in 2D☆STAR Vol.8. (I say “I believe” because it’s been on my translation queue so long I no longer have the original magazine it came in.)  

So, something very important to know is the time period: Early Pride the Hero era. (As shown by the MRS concert reference ahah.) Back in those days (before Prism Rush and SSS), information on the characters was pretty scarce. (Especially for Joji, who was brand new at the time.) So this piece is a bit outdated nowadays, what with all the things we know now, but in a way that kind of makes it even more interesting? (Even back in the old days when I first read the Joji interview I thought to myself “this is probably all lies” and now we know exactly how ahah....) But anyway, even though it’s old now I have always wanted to get around to translating this someday because it played a key role in influencing how I still see some of the characters today, particularly Kakeru and Minato. (This later combined with that Prism Rush chapter where Kakeru and Minato talk about how they envy one another. It really seems to be a thing.)

Households full of heart where the family all goes to watch prism shows together?!

M... MARRIAGE!? I can’t imagine it...

For the interview this time, we’ll be taking a new approach and having Over the Rainbow and the new Edel Rose students try a personality test app. Just by putting one’s name into this app, we’ll know exactly what’s on their brains... in other words, their deepest secrets! 

Kazuki: This sounds like fun. 

Kouji: Eheh. Yeah, I heard the Edel Rose students really enjoyed it. 

Hiro: We’re anxious about our results too! 

For Over the Rainbow, we’ll be setting the app straight to “marriage”! Maybe we can reveal to all those fans waiting with baited breath all the juicy details about these three’s vision of marriage! 

Hiro: Oh I see! That’s really something the all girls will be excited to hear.

Kazuki: O-Oh... marriage.... you say....

Kouji: Eheh. Kazuki relax, relax.

First up is Hiro-kun! He thinks of marriage as... “being the ideal husband”!

Kouji: I guess Hiro thinks subconsciously that whenever he gets married, he’ll be the ideal husband. Is that right?

Hiro: This is a bit embarrassing. Ahah. 

Kazuki: That’s just like Hiro. So heroic. 

Hiro: Heh heh. Thank you. Now that you mention it, I’m thinking that I would really like to make the dreams of my bride come true. When you pledge your life to someone, you have to treasure them. 

For Kazuki-kun it says “gift”!

Kouji: I wonder what that means?

Kazuki: Hmm... Since I would want my bride to always be smiling, on days which are special to us I would want to give her heartfelt gifts I think.... But it’s hard to imagine myself.... actually being m... married......

Hiro: Ahah. Well that still sounds a lot like you, Kazuki. 

Kouji: How nice. 

And last up is Kouji-kun. He wants to “live on the most basic necessities”, or so it says, haha.

Kouji: Mine turned out to be a bit too dramatic. Haha. 

Kazuki: How basic is the most basic? Like living on a deserted island?

Hiro: Kouji’s basic necessities are music, cooking, and prism shows... I don’t think a deserted island would work for that...?

Kouji: Eheh. You’re right. I don’t think I could make it on a deserted island. But the truth is, I feel like maybe I just want to always protect the things important to me at the current time without worrying about the details of the future. I think that’s the basic necessity of living. 

What kind of a household would you like to have in the future, Kouji-kun?

Kouji: Since I love music, I would like to create a household that always has a melody flowing. I think I would love to create a band with my family someday. 

Hiro: That sounds like your kind of household. 

Kazuki: And I bet you would be in charge of the kitchen, right?

Kouji: I sure would. It makes me happy to make meals for the people I love. But I also think it’s wonderful to have someone else is in the kitchen with me too. 

What about you two, Hiro-kun and Kazuki-kun?

Hiro: I would want a household overflowing with love. Even on the most average of days, I’d want us to be shining brightly just by being together. 

Kazuki: Like I said before, I just can’t imagine what it would be like to be married. But I would want everyone in my household to be laughing and smiling. I’d like us to go out camping and biking together on our days off. 

Kouji: That sounds just right for both of you. I’d think we’d all make households full of heart where all the family goes to watch prism shows together. 

Last time we talked about the “red string of fate”, but how do you guys feel about fortune telling?

Kazuki: I don’t know much about fortune telling, but I do believe in lucky charms! There are a lot of guys out on the street who wish on good luck bracelets and other trinkets.

Kouji: I think believing in something has the power to turn to strength. I always find myself reading the horoscope page in magazines. That spiritual stuff is romantic. It  makes you believe in all sorts of things you never thought of before. 

Hiro: I believe in that sort of stuff too. I get all depressed if I get a bad fortune ahah. 

Thank you for your time! 

If Suzuno doesn’t get over his distaste for carrots he won’t nail a hat trick!

Leo wants to be a prince, not a princess?

This time around around we’ll be trying out a game app. All we have to do is enter everyone’s names and we’ll get a glimpse inside your hearts!

Shin: Wow... that’s amazing... 

Yukinojo: It certainly sounds interesting. 

Kakeru: Ohoho, maybe we should try and make one of those at Juuouin Holdings?

Leo: I’m all nervous...

By the way, this time we’ll be setting it to tell us everyone’s secret “goal”!

Yu: Whaa... I definitely don’t want anyone looking inside my head....

Taiga: This seems kind of shady...

Minato: Hey, you two. Shh. 

It’s just a game, so relax and enjoy it. Well, let’s start with Shin-kun. We’ll just enter his name and... here we go! .... Huh!? It says “I want to be a star way up in the sky”. 

Shin: !?

Yukinojo: Is there something troubling you, Shin? You can tell us anything. 

Leo: Waah.... Shin-kun, don’t die.... 

Shin: No, no, no! It’s not like that! I just want to be like, you know, a prism star that shines brightly like a star in the sky! I’m sure that’s it. 

Yu: That’s all? Don’t scare us like that... 

Minato: I see. So this is how it works. 

Kakeru: With a little tinkering you could make all sorts of interesting gadgets with this technology... 

Taiga: Hmph. All you think about is profit gain. 

Moving on, Yukinojo-kun wants “to become a good person”. 

Minato: That sounds like you, Tachibana. 

Yu: Yeah, it does.

Yukinojo: It’s true, I am always thinking that I would like to improve myself. 

Leo: Eheh. But Yuki-sama, you’re already so wonderful! ♡

Kakeru: I think someone has to already be a good person in order to have this sort of goal, don’t they!

Kakeru wants to be... “Minatocchi”?

Yu: You want to be like Minato-san?

Yukinojo: It’s true Minato has a certain appeal as being a big-hearted person. And he can cook. 

Kakeru: No, no, no. It’s true Minato is a great guy, but lately I’ve been thinking that I’ve been starving for a warm family meal....

Leo: Your family is always busy with work, huh...

Minato: Well in that case, perhaps tonight I’ll treat you to my “Minato Special”!

Taiga wants to become “a handsome cool guy”. But you’re already there!

Taiga: There has to be something wrong with this piece of junk! I’m not thinking of any sort of playboy stuff like that. 

Yukinojo: But a desire to improve oneself is a good thing, don’t you think?

Leo: You want to become even more cool, and even more handsome right? 

Yu: Yeah, I guess Taiga is kinda cool and handsome already. But nothing compared to Zeus. 

Taiga: Hmph. I just told you guys I’m not thinking of anything dumb like that. 

Minato is thinking “I want to play tricks on people”!

Leo: Whaa.... But Minato is always so nice to us....

Yu: Which is the real Minato?

Minato: Hahah. I don’t really know what to say about this. 

Kakeru: I guess Minato does have a bit of a sadistic side from time to time. It’s not exactly wrong. 

That turned out to be quite a complex result. Next, for Leo-kun... “a prince”?

Taiga: Are you sure about that? It doesn’t say “princess”?

Minato: Yeah. Since Saionji is always wearing cute clothes, I’d think he’d want to be a princess. 

Kakeru: Ohh? So he really wants to be a prince?

Taiga: Just like I thought. This app is way off. 

Leo: Eheh. It’s spot on! It’s my dream to be a prince! ♡ Princes are just so wonderful!  ♡ So majestic and radiant ♡

Shin: Leo-kun, you’ve wanted to be a prince? That’s a bit surprising. 

And last we have Yu-kun. He “wants to nail a hat trick”!

Taiga: What’s a hat trick?

That’s what they call it in soccer when one player scores three consecutive goals. In other words, Yu wants to make the record books, am I right?

Yu: That’s right! Zeus is just gonna keep on banging out those divine results! 

Yukinojo: It’s just like Yu, with his steadfast confidence in himself. 

Minato: Eheh. But you’re not going to be nailing any hat tricks until you learn to eat your carrots, Suzuno. 

Yu: Gak. 

Kakeru: Ah, there! You see! There he goes giving someone a hard time. Our Minatocchi. 

By the way, about your rivals, Alexander Yamato wants “to be respected” and Louis Kisaragi wants “to be with him”. What do you think of that?

Taiga: Pfft, that little nobody. 

Kakeru: He may be a bit more delicate than we imagined. 

Shin: I wonder who Louis is thinking about being with?

Yu: I guess we can never know without asking him. 

Do you guys usually believe in fortune telling games?

Leo: I believe in them. I love fortune telling! ♡

Kakeru: I keep an eye on them to keep track of my love life!

Taiga: I don’t believe in that playboy kind of thing.

Minato: Hmm... not really for me. 

Yu: I’ll only believe it if the fortune is good. 

Yukinojo: I only take them with a grain of salt. I don’t base my way of life on them. 

Shin: That’s great! I always get too carried away when I read them.

Since we’ve finished taking a good look inside your heads, do you have any final announcements to make before we end the interview?

Shin: All of us new Edel Rose students will be performing a concert! 

Yu: It will be the coming October 21st!

Kakeru: The venue is Makuhari Messe!

Leo: There will be two chances to meet us, an afternoon show and an evening show!  ♡

Yukinojo: For ticket and live viewing information, it will be posted on the homepage when the time comes! 

Minato: All of us new prism stars will do our best to show you the best performance!

Taiga: It won’t be no kiddie show!

All: We hope to see you there!

My favorite type of girl is Y-O-U right in front of me!

I’ll bathe you in my Happy, Lovey-Dovy Shower!

Since we received many letters from readers who want to get to know you better, we’re going to strip you buck naked today! Now, how about we start from a self introduction?

Strip me down, baby! I’m a lovey-dovy-type prism star Joji Takadanobaba! Nice to meet you.

Where is your hometown?

That’s a secret, joy!  ☆

You just said we could strip you naked, but you’re already keeping secrets! Haha. Well, please tell us why you wanted to be a prism star. 

I just thought I had no choice! What else is a man like me shining with radiance supposed to do?

What’s your strong point, singing or prism jumps? Also, do you come up with your own choreography for prism shows?

Both! At an elite prism organization like Schwarz Rose we have choreography specialists, so we come up with the moves together. 

What are The Shuffle members to you, Joji-kun?

They are all my treasured friends! We’ll all keep doing our best together!

What do you do when you’re not doing prism shows?

I go to school! I’m a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed senior high school student! I’m trying my best at studying. Gym class is my specialty ☆

Tell us how you spend your days off. 

Practicing prism shows ☆ Also I throw myself into my hobbies and just relax.

What type of girl do you like?

Y-O-U right in front of me! ♡

If you had a girlfriend, what kind of date would you enjoy together?

I’d like to get all touchy-feely. We don’t even have to bother to go out anywhere. As long as we’re together that’s good enough.

Lastly, could you give a message to all your fans out there?

I’m able to take the stage because of all of you cheering for me! Thank you all so much ☆ From now on I’ll keep bathing you in my sexy, happy, lovey-dovy shower! It’d bring me the most JOY if you could keep keep taking all I’ve got to give!

[deflect-daily]

Getting to know your monkey mind

tldr: Spending several days in sensory deprivation, alone, with just the monkey in your head is extremely hard but teaches you a lot about yourself and how your brain functions. Misery is universal. Everything always changes and passes away. The causes of suffering are attachment and aversion. It's fruitless to get upset about or attached to something that will pass away eventually. Befriend your inner monkey.

The things I learned during a 10-day Vipassana course

1. How to fart very (!) quietly

2. That men are far more creative than women when it comes to building armchairs and thrones with meditation pillows

3. A ten days meditation course somewhere in the German outback would be a perfect setup for a horror movie.

Jokes aside.

The thoughts and realisations that one has during a Vipassana course and in the time around it, can easily fill an entire book (as Tim Parks shows in "teach us to sit still"), so please excuse me, if this text is a little long.

For the ones who do not know what Vipassana meditation is, please click here or here. There are a lot of reviews, stories, lessons learned out there (e.g. here, as well as at least a dozen YouTube videos on the topic) - go check them out if you feel like it.

I did a course following the teaching of S.N. Goenka. These courses are pretty much the same all around the world if you do it in one of the > 200 centres: the sound and video files, the timetable, the quality of the food and the fittings of the rooms. Even though, the setup does not change, the experience is always unique, so much as even one person taking the course several times will have a different experience with different insights each time.

So, where to start?

I want to first quickly summarize the basic idea of what is taught during the course (the cause of suffering) and then dig into a few aspects that I found particularly interesting: the parallel of meditation and psychedelics and the influence of meditation on the perception of pain.

The cause of suffering

Disclaimer: I don't believe in the existence of a non-physical thing as "a soul" – a non-substantial entity that exists independently of physical matter and/or that can be transferred from one physical body to another through reincarnation - but I clearly draw a distinction between the conscious and the unconscious parts of your brain. Within the Vipassana teaching, the believe in reincarnation is extremely important, as to explain why suicide will not save you from suffering.

According to the teaching, there are some basic principles:

1. Misery is universal - all humans suffer.

2. Everything constantly changes - every experience, every condition, passes away eventually.

3. External information enters the brain through our senses and immediately causes a physical reaction (change in heartbeat or breathing, feelings of heat or cold, pain, comfort, or any other physical sensation).

4. this physical reaction is subconsciously perceived and interpreted as "good/pleasant" or "bad/unpleasant" and this information is transferred to the conscious mind.

5. The conscious mind only receives this already processed external information - an evaluation of what is going on outside and reacts with attachment or aversion.

6. This leads us (humans) to constantly jump from aversion of unpleasant experiences to attachment to pleasant experiences and back.

7. Since every pleasant situation passes eventually, the attachment to it leads to suffering. And since unpleasant stimuli will always appear (and disappear), the aversion of these leads to suffering as well.

If this sounds weird to you, this jumping from attachment to aversion and back can be explained by checking out a typical Saturday morning:

You lie in bed and don't want to get up, because it's comfortable (attachment), but then you get hungry and want to get rid of this unpleasant feeling (avoidance), then you probably overeat because the food tastes so good (attachment) and you start complaining about your aching stomach. Your partner makes some nasty comments about your eating habits which hurt, and you get mad (avoidance). To leave the situation, you go on to the next step of taking a shower. The shower is warm and comfortable, and you don't want to leave it (attachment). You step out of the shower; the air is fresh and uncomfortably chilly, and you quickly start to rub yourself dry with a towel to get warm again and so on and so on.

Of course, nothing is wrong with what's going on during these first hours of a Saturday morning. This is just an example of how deeply rooted the evaluation of situations into the categories of "pleasant" and "unpleasant" is.

This is exactly, what one is confronted with during a Vipassana meditation course - the constant habit of your mind seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort without any possibility to change the situation you’re in for the duration of the course.

The effects of sensory deprivation

10 days without vocal or non-vocal communication, without books, music, entertainment, sports. Reading and writing was forbidden as well as performing any sexual activity or a change of environment by leaving the area around the centre. This means a strong sensory deprivation that appears to be rather extreme in contrast to our "modern life" that's overflown by information and distraction. The only stimuli that one encounters are occasional walks on the area of the centre, two meals a day and a lot of tea. On top was the fact that the only real "me-time" than one gets are the 15 minutes locked in the bathroom while taking a shower. Everything else: sleeping, eating, meditation and recreation outside is shared with others.

Usually we are used to immediately distract us when things get uncomfortable: We check our phone as soon as we are bored for 5 seconds at the bus stop, we prefer watching a movie when we should actually study for an exam, we quickly get mad at the people in front of us in the queue at the grocery store because they are so f***ing slow. We get easily irritated by others, we never truly experience boredom, and we never check what’s happening within our bodies because we’re so focused on the outside world.

As soon as one is forced to shift the focus towards the inside of the mind and the body, one realizes this voice that's constantly talking.

The tasks during the meditation are quite simple: focus on your breath (1st day), focus on the area of your nose and upper lip (2nd day), focus on the area of the upper lip, feeling the touch of the breath (3rd day), leading this focus from body part to body part starting from head to feet and back (4th to 10th day). But this becomes incredibly hard when your mind constantly jumps from one thought to the other like a monkey jumps from branch to branch. This voice that keeps on jabbering consistently is able to talk you into anger, paranoia, lust and most importantly, into the conviction that what you do right now (sit on the floor and try to focus on your breathing) is definitely and absolutely unbearable.

Whenever the voice talks, one usually automatically follows it and within seconds, the focus is drawn far away from the breath or the physical sensations and after a few moments to minutes, one realizes what just happened and tries to pull the attention back to the task of observing the breath, just to notice a few moments later that the mind is following the prattling again and so on and so forth. This becomes very frustrating and I personally experienced the task of pulling your focus back without getting mad at myself as incredibly hard and very exhausting.

But this is exactly what meditation is all about: Learning how to keep your mind focused, learning how to notice subtle, changing sensations within your body, and most importantly: observing everything that’s happening while remaining equanimous.

 Besides leading me into frustration about my incapability to keep up my focus, the sensory deprivation had the following effects for me:

Improved vision, hearing and sense of smell. I missed my partner equally as I missed time alone by myself. I also missed small interactions with others – a smile, a gesture, a soft touch of comfort when you see that someone else goes through a rough day.

And after a few days, I felt the strong urge to express myself through writing, which is quite interesting because normally I spend more time consuming other people's content than producing anything myself. This urge is the reason why I’m writing this blogpost right now.

Now, I wish to dig deeper into two more specific aspects, that appeared particularly interesting to me.

It’s a psychedelic experience

Don't get me wrong: I'm far from calling myself “experienced” with psychedelics. I don't know very much about the different substances, their effects on the brain or the vast variety of experiences they can trigger, but I took LSD a few times and I know some stories told by more experienced people, so I guess - keeping my psychological background in mind - it's valid that I claim the following:

One major task of our brain is to filter the incredible amount of information we encounter every moment. This is very important, because it allows us to function in an otherwise constantly overwhelming environment. It's important for the brain to be selective about the information that reaches conscious awareness. Psychedelics, to some extent, turn off these filters which leads to an increased sensitivity towards stimuli and changes the way these stimuli are processed in the brain. This is also the reason why it's rather exhausting to take psychedelics - the mind has to process a lot more input than normally.

What happens during meditation is the following: The sensory deprivation and the focus on the observation of physical phenomena on the surface of or within the body (breath, heartbeat or sensations like tickling, warmth, cold, itching, pressure, pain or whatnot) enables the conscious mind to perceive the otherwise suppressed "random noise" that is constantly produced by the sensors of the body. This random noise occurs for example through spontaneous action potentials produced by neurons. Action potentials, necessary for the conduction of information are stochastic phenomena. With every stimulus the probability of the formation of an action potential increases, the stronger the stimulus, the higher the probability. For a notable sensation, many action potentials have to happen at a time. From time to time, action potentials happen, even without the presence of a stimulus which leads to a sensation without an actual cause - random noise. This happens within the sensory cells as well as in the neurons that conduct the information to the brain. This noise is subconsciously suppressed and normally not perceived by the conscious mind. The same goes for sensations in body parts that are not important to being consciously payed attention to at a particular moment. For example, there is no necessity to feel the pressure of the seat on the back of my thighs or the sensation of a slight coolness in my feet while I'm focused on talking to a person or writing this text right now.

The conscious (and non-judgemental) observation of these usually supressed sensations within the body means, as mentioned above for psychedelics, basically turning off the filters of the brain.

When you close your eyes, you never see just pure blackness. Your brain constantly produces shapes, colours, patterns, movements or entire pictures which you can observe if you watch closely - again - they are just random noise. From day 3 or 4 on, whenever I went to bed at night, as soon as I closed my eyes, I had visual sensations that reminded me a lot of what my brain created on LSD: I saw fractals, bright colours and moving structures that made it hard for me to fall asleep. Also, my sleep was heavily disturbed. Sometimes, I could not tell apart whether I just woke up in the middle of the night or whether I just got out of a meditation session. This felt exhausting, like there was a lot for my brain to process. But despite this somehow disturbed sleep, I felt awake and alert during the day. S.N. Goenka claimed, that a regular meditation practice reduces the amount of sleep needed and there seems to be scientific evidence that this is true.

What is pain?

According to the International Association for the Study of Pain, pain is "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage". This definition is outdated for several reasons (please check out the website for further details) and currently under review. The newly proposed definition is as follows: Pain is "an aversive sensory and emotional experience typically caused by, or resembling that caused by, actual or potential tissue injury".

In my opinion, both definitions do not sufficiently explain the experiences that one might have while sitting on the floor meditating. Pain accompanies the entire experience of a 10 days course. For some it's the back or the butt, for others (like me) it was mainly the knees that drove me crazy because they almost constantly hurt very, very badly up until the point where the pain was still there in the morning after 6 hours of sleep.

But it wasn’t as simple as that. One part of the meditation practice is to closely observe so called "gross" sensations like pain very closely for 1-2 minutes and check if any other sensation can be identified. One quickly notices that the simple "my knee hurts" sometimes turns into a far more differentiated "in this part of the knee, there’s pressure, in another spot, there’s heat in addition to the pain and in another part, a throbbing pulse within the tissue can be felt" and so on. And, from time to time, just by simply putting the focus of attention onto an are in a muscle or limp that's screaming with pain, the pain goes away. It simply vanishes. It's like these moments, when a crying toddler is asked " what's the matter? " and immediately stops crying, maybe out of confusion, maybe because of the realisation that there was actually no reason to cry after all.

Physiologically, this does not really make sense. But, according to the theory behind the Vipassana teaching the cause of suffering is not the sensation itself, but the interpretation of the sensation, the judgement of "good/pleasant" and "bad/unpleasant", as described above.

What does this mean, that at least some pain or unpleasant sensation can be "thought away"? Sometimes, this effect can be explained by relaxation because tension can cause pain. But apparently, there’s more to it than just the capability to relax in uncomfortable situations.  

It is scientifically proven that people who do meditate regularly have a higher tolerance for unpleasant feelings like pain induced by thermal heat (I have no access to the full article, but here’s a talk by Kelly McGonigal about the paper). Non-meditators showed a stronger activity in “evaluative regions” (prefrontal cortex, amygdala and hippocampus) than meditators. Meditation practitioners however showed reduced activity in these “evaluative regions”, but higher activity in brain regions like the insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the thalamus, that are “primary pain processing regions”. This means that meditation practice enables the decoupling of the sensory and the evaluative component of a painful stimulus.

A very good and vivid example for a person who practices exactly this effect which leads to almost superhuman powers is Wim Hof, also known as “the Iceman”. He developed the so called “Wim Hof Method” that is a combination of breathing exercises, meditation and exposure to cold temperatures and he broke several world records, including hiking past death-zone of the Mount Everest in shorts and sandals without oxygen supply, running a marathon in the Sahara desert without drinking water and sitting in a container filled with ice for almost two hours without his core body temperature being lowered. He’s an impressive person and if you haven’t read about him yet, I encourage you to do so. His method can be performed by everyone and results can be seen immediately.

So, what is pain? I don’t know. But these examples show, how big the influence of our mind is on the way we perceive the world around us. Far more is possible than we usually think. We might not have an influence on all the things happening to us, neither good, nor bad. But we do in fact have the chance to learn how to deal with them differently and thus not only become calmer but also happier, healthier and able to experience things beyond what we thought is possible. It’s worth a try.

 Let me try this again: The things I learned during a 10-day Vipassana course

1. I cannot change the people and situations around me, but I can change how I react to what I encounter. My reaction has an impact on myself. If I let any situation make me angry, I do harm to myself and might harm others.

2. It’s not realistic to expect my mind to be able to focus on something as simple and “boring” as my breath for 10 hours straight when I usually train my brain to constantly think of a million things at the same time, always have an overflowing schedule and a cluttered room as well as a cluttered mind. I first have to calm down some aspects of my life before I can calm down on the inside.

3. I learned to be compassionate with myself. I understood, why my mind acts the way it does and I started to befriend my inner monkey.

Recommended to watch:

A video about meditation and “flow”

A Ted talk about pain and mindfulness meditation

A vice documentary about the Iceman Wim Hof

Recommended to read:

Becoming the iceman by Wim Hof & Justin Rosales

Happiness – A guide to developing life’s most important skill by Mathieu Ricard

[astarryon]

Hard Feelings Part 4

Pairings: Bucky x reader

Warnings: None, Bucky’s significantly less of a dick

A/N: I’m actually updating before midnight, can you guys believe it?? Not sure if any of you saw, but I had a bit of an issue with my documents and lost the tag list for this story. I did my best to reconstruct it, but if you find yourself missing, please let me know so I can add you back on! As always, thank you much for reading and I hope you all enjoy this one! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to shoot them my way!

Part 3

—

You can’t fight, you can’t defend yourself or anyone else, and your powers are a glorified party trick.

Your hands were shaking, your breath was quick and shallow, and you were pretty sure that if you didn’t find some way to calm your nerves within the next few minutes, things were going to get a lot more complicated for you.

After that entire incident with Bucky, you had wasted no time in booking it to the elevator and depositing yourself into your room. The crying hadn’t ceased, and in fact had only gotten stronger and more incessant. You’d had to ask Jarvis to take you to your floor because your hands had been shaking so badly that you hadn’t been able to press the buttons yourself.

All things considered, you were just about done with all of this. Fuck a field agent promotion, fuck Nick Fury, fuck shield, but most importantly? Fuck James Buchanan Barnes for everything he was worth. Not once had you deluded yourself over the last month, not once had you assumed that any of this was easy, or that you would somehow be the one therapist Bucky actually liked, or that you would be able to just fix him through his dreams and make everything okay, but...

Okay, so maybe that last one wasn’t true. Maybe you had been hoping that Bucky’s issues would be resolved if you just kept giving him your happiness, your tranquility, your good will and wishes, and perhaps, deep down, you were still hoping that could be the case.

This wasn’t working. This was stupid, and a waste of your time, like he’d been telling you every day for weeks. Who were you to expect this to work out in your favor, anyway? What made you better than the therapist Bucky had chucked through a window? Or the one he’d menaced into quitting? Or the one he’d locked out of the tower, leaving them there for an entire night without telling anyone where they had gone? For fuck’s sake, they’d all at least been doctors. You were just some low ranking agent with a fucking masters in music. Realistically, you couldn’t offer Bucky anything.

You can’t fight.

Sinking down onto your bed, you hid your face in your pillows, breath becoming so laborious that your chest began to ache with a deep, sharp pain. Your stomach was churning, and you felt weak and faint all of a sudden. No, no, you really couldn’t deal with this right now. You really couldn’t.

“Miss,” Jarvis’ voice rang out from the overhead system. “I feel it important to alert you to the fact that your heart rate has risen to 190 beats per minute.” Essentially resting heart rate for a panic attack. Superb. “Shall I alert your emergency contact?”

You tried sucking in a deep breath, but you only ended up choking on it. “Who’s... who’s my emergency contact?” No one had told you you even had one.

“That would be Mister Barnes, given that he is your floormate and superior officer.”

You can’t defend yourself or anyone else.

“Over my fucking dead body,” you sputtered, actually managing to scoff through your tears. “No, Jarvis, I’ll be fine, I’m... I don’t want him here.” Not now, not later, not ever.

“I should make you aware that I am required to alert your emergency contact should your heart rate exceed 200 beats per minute.”

“Thanks for the heads up, buddy,” you pushed out, rolling over and staring up at the ceiling. The room was spinning, but it was preferable to your eyes being shut, as the rush and whirl of the dark world behind your lids was too disorienting, like a roller coaster you couldn’t get off of.

It was ironic, you thought, that your power had a great deal to do with emotions, and that your job in this tower was to help Bucky calm down, yet you couldn’t do that for yourself in the slightest. It wasn’t your fault at the moment; your current state wasn’t entirely you.

Somewhere within the last hour and a half, since waking up, you’d let go of the reigns, and every emotion you had come into contact with, yours or not, subconscious or otherwise, all of it had been placed in a mental queue, waiting for your control to slip. The warm happiness you’d gotten from Clint three floors away, the jovial wonder from Thor and amused satisfaction from Sam. Irritation from Tony, who was up in his lab. A dash of serenity from Bruce, who was speaking with Natasha based off how close their emotional readings were in proximity. The anger and defensiveness from both Wanda and Steve, which was beamed into you like a laser.

And as always, Bucky’s anger, fear, and irrationality.

Your power is a glorified party trick.

“Okay,” you whispered to yourself, feeling one tear after another slide off your cheek and onto the pillows beneath your head. “You’re okay, you’re okay, we’re okay. It’s fine, it’s okay.”

Obviously you were lying to yourself, but it was only out of necessity. It wasn’t like you believed a word you were saying.

A knock sounded at your door, so gentle that you had almost written it off as a figment of your imagination. Your powers were so haywire that you couldn’t even identify who it was, because at this point, your senses knew no difference between your personal emotions and everyone else’s. A talking raccoon could’ve been behind that door and you would have been none the wiser.

The door opened a crack, most likely prompted by the lack of an answer. You didn’t bother to look, just kept training your eyes at the sunshine dancing off the ceiling. “Y/n?”

Ice crept into your lungs at the sound.

Bucky.

We’re mad at him, your mind whispered to you.

“Get out,” you gasped between breaths, words hitching and coming out much quieter than you’d have liked. “Go away.”

A beat of silence.

Then, “Are you okay? Is there something... do you need...?” You might’ve laughed at how bad he was at comforting from afar, if you were in any mood to laugh.

“I said get out,” you tried again, but the volume just wouldn’t come.

“Mister Barnes,” Jarvis began. Oh, there it goes. “As Y/n’s current superior officer, I am required to alert you that her current heart rate exceeds 200 beats per minute and that she is on the brink of supraventricular tachycardia.”

“You’re a fucking snitch, Jarvis,” you aimed at the ceiling, shaking your head.

“Can I...” Bucky’s voice grew closer, and you saw his face appear in your peripheral vision, all chiseled cheekbones and messy chin length hair. “How can I help you? Do you need, uh... what exactly is wrong?”

“Don’t pretend like you care,” you sniffed, shaking your head and making eye contact with him. The nice thing about panic, you supposed, was that it gave you a newfound sense of bravery. You had nothing to lose, because you were already in the process of losing your mind. It worked out well, truthfully. “You’ve made your feelings towards me extremely clear.”

“Okay, that’s not exactly—“ He cut himself off, but you knew what he’d been about to say. That’s not exactly fair. As if he hadn’t just been ripping into you about how nothing was ever fair in the world a little while earlier. “Okay, let me rephrase. Pretend I do care. What’s wrong with you?”

There was no harm in humoring him, you guessed. As much as you wanted to stand up and push him out, tell him to leave and be as nasty to him as you could possibly be, the emotions weren’t in you and you knew deep in your heart that being alone was only going to make all of this worse. Bucky might not have been your preferred company, but he was what you currently had to work with. So you sat up, hugging your knees to your chest as you tried to calm down, and explained.

“It’s... there’s too much happening, my power, I can’t... I’m so good at turning it off usually but I can’t, and it’s not working. I can feel everyone’s emotions, everyone in the tower has so much inside of them, and I can’t turn it off, and I’m not sure what’s me and what’s them, I don’t... I can’t...”    There were tears on your cheeks, which you had known about for quite some time now, but you had forgotten that they were there until Bucky frowned and wiped them away. His fingers were soft and smooth, surprisingly warm against your skin. Bucky didn’t really seem like someone who should be considered warm, but what he was doing now prompted you to think that perhaps you’d assessed him unfairly.

“Do you... do you get panic attacks often?” Bucky asked you gently, sitting down on the edge of your bed but taking care to keep a safe distance between the two of you. “Are they always this bad?”

Sitting up and hugging your knees to your chest, you shook your head, your breathing becoming shallower and shallower. It was only going to be a few moments before you passed out, if you kept on like this. You could already feel yourself becoming lightheaded. “N-not often, only when I’ve been bad about controlling my power, but this has happened ever since I was little, and I can’t... I don’t know, oh my god, I feel like I’m dying, and—“

“Hey,” Bucky stopped you, suddenly reaching forward and grasping your hand in his. Amazingly, that simple act of physical contact alleviated part of the massive amount of pressure you were feeling in your chest. Nothing was solved by any means, but you now had a solid line to a set list of emotions. “You’re not dying, okay? Not if I have anything to do with it. I’ve got you.”

You believed him, you were pretty sure. You couldn’t think of any reason not to, and, with the lifeline he’d extended by offering his hand, you could feel he sincerely believed in what he was telling you.

  “It just hurts, Bucky,” you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut right. “I hate that it hurts; there’s so much, too much, and I can’t get away from it and it hurts.”

“Okay, that’s okay,” he told you, suddenly leaning to grab your other hand. “It’s an easy fix, you know. If you can’t tell what’s yours and what’s theirs, then you can focus on what’s mine until you can. Okay? Can you do that?”

Focus on him... you could do that. Bucky was the one person you had managed to get to know intimately well over the past month, in the emotional sense — not that he’d been aware of it. Getting out of your head, focusing on him... that was the easiest way for you to create a false sense of calm, which you could fake until it solidified into something tangible. And if he was offering to let you inside his head without freaking out on you for once, you figured you may as well take it.

“I think so,” you whispered. Taking a deep breath and trying to concentrate, you opened your mind to Bucky’s, concentrating on the warm and cold of his hands against yours and focusing.

The emotional reading slid in front of you without hesitation.

“You’re worried,” you let out, trying to wipe your tears off on your shoulder. “About me.”

In spite of himself, Bucky scoffed, and you could feel that normal sense of smugness and snark flaring momentarily. You didn’t mind it, though. With the colossal whirlwind of emotions going on within your body, it was nice to suddenly feel something so familiar. “Yeah, no shit. I thought you were dead when I walked in here.” The lightness didn’t last long; after a pause and a shift in his feelings, Bucky offered you a wry half smile. “Keep going, doc. What else can you find inside my head?”

“You feel sorry for me,” you whispered, feeling and absorbing and tasting everything you could. “Because you know what it’s like to have attacks like these, and you hope mine isn’t as bad as the ones you have. It’s not, so don’t worry. This is mostly just... emotional overload, I guess. I was already halfway there this morning, and that whole thing in the training room sort of pushed me over the edge.” Another shift in Bucky’s emotions told you volumes more than you could have guessed, and you weren’t sure if it was because your powers were exponentially heightened at the moment or if Bucky just felt that strongly. “You feel badly about what you said. That’s good, because you were being a complete fucking asshole.”

Bucky looked like he wanted to protest, but a glance down at where his hands were wrapped around yours shut him up quickly. It wasn’t a fight he would win, and he knew that. You could feel that he knew that. “That’s fair,” he murmured, raising his eyes to the ceiling. There was another sudden change in his emotional register, and the sweet taste of sincerity danced at the tip of your tongue as Bucky continued with, “I was on my way up here to apologize, you know. I know I crossed a line, when I did what I did. It’s just... I thought I was getting better, and that I didn’t need you. But I had an awful dream last night, and then I got a message from Fury assigning me as your superior officer after that, and suddenly it was easier to take my anger out on you. You didn’t deserve it, you just happened to be there. So I’m... I’m sorry, Y/n. I really, really am.”

“Noted,” you told him, doing your best to take in a deep breath. It was taking some time to come down from this attack, it seemed; your breathing was only just beginning to even out. “We can, um, we can talk about that later.”

“Okay,” was all he said in return.

The two of you were silent a moment, and then a few more. Specifics of your current situation were beginning to dawn on you, slamming into your mind like bricks. You were holding hands with a man who had quite literally been attacking you about an hour ago, his fingers dancing across your wrists with each and every little shift he made. This was the same man whose room you’d been sneaking into for the past month, pressing your hand to his sleeping form nightly in an effort to override his dreams. The same man who had called you a mood ring the first time you had met. The same intriguing, unfairly beautiful man who you had been sure hated your guts, but now, having access to each and every one of his conscious, waking thoughts, you knew he held no hate for you at all; only confusion, and what appeared to be fear of the unknown.

Awkward didn’t really even begin to cover it.

“What’s… what is that?” Bucky asked. His blue eyes were trained on you now, head tilted to the side in curiosity. When you shrugged a shoulder to communicate that you weren’t sure what he meant, he tried again, thumb subconsciously skimming over the back of your knuckles. “It was like… embarrassment? And it wasn’t mine, because I know I’m not embarrassed. Was that you?”

Of course. No control over your power meant no control over what you shared.

“It wasn’t,” you told him, looking away. You were sure your cheeks were running pink, which you hated. “I’m not— I’m not embarrassed at all.”

“You are,” Bucky pressed on, a full blown smile making its way to his pink lips; it was obscene, that mouth. For a moment your mind began to betray you, and in the back of your mind you couldn’t help but entertain the curiosity of what it might be like if he pressed his mouth against—

No, no, not the time, not while he could feel and know anything that came into your head.

Really soft, your mind whispered. It would be really soft.

No, fuck, no—

Bucky’s laughter was hearty and unceasing, and it filled your ears so suddenly that you hadn’t been able to help the little jump you’d given at the sound of it. If your cheeks had been pink before, they were sure to be flaming now, and you squeezed your eyes shut in a futile effort to escape having to deal with the amusement in Bucky’s. It wasn’t like your thoughts and inclinations were unnatural; you had been making nightly trips to this man’s room, observing him when he was most at peace and unable to ruin it with his scathing comments. Bucky was an attractive man, and it was only natural that you would come to appreciate that fact and occasionally allow thoughts of him of a more tender nature to enter your mind. It happened with Steve, too, along with Sam and Thor. Thoughts of Bucky, however, were always more frequent and in depth.

He didn’t need to fucking know that, though.

“That’s flattering,” he told you, barely able to get through his words without breaking down in pure amusement. “Holy shit, that is… so fucking funny.”

“It’s not that weird,” you tried to defend yourself. You were pretty sure you could physically feel the temperature of your face rising by a few degrees. Perhaps you would just jump out of the 98th story window yourself, no help from Bucky required. “You’re… you’re very… it’s, it’s not that weird!”

“Never said it was, doll,” Bucky chuckled, voice smooth as honey. Oh, damn him for being so calm and collected, and—

Doll? He’d called you doll. That was… new? You were still upset and annoyed and downright terrified that he was going to find out what you had been doing to his dreams at any second and murder you for it, but you had enough wherewithal about you to recognize the fluttery sort of feeling the nickname placed in your chest.

Bucky did too, if his cackling was anything to judge off of.

“You know what?” you shrilly began, yanking your hands out of Bucky’s grasp. “We’re done, no more of that, I’m…” He was still laughing, and the sound of it was so genuine and amused that it almost shocked you. His happiness was filling you like water in a well, on the verge of spilling and overflowing. It was a nice contrast to the usual cynicism and negativity, if you were being honest.

Bucky didn’t say anything, only smirked at you with a knowing look in his eyes.

“So I think you’re attractive,” you defended yourself to him, rolling your eyes and throwing your hands up. “Who cares? Everyone probably thinks that.”

He still didn’t respond, and simply shook his head. His eyes were still trained on you, piercing your skin like a needle.

“Look, it really isn’t that big of a deal,” you tried again.

Bucky, still, remained silent, smirking at you.

“What?” you demanded, unable to deal with the look after another few minutes.

“Jarvis,” Bucky called to the ceiling, all the while refusing to break eye contact with you. “Can you tell me what Y/n’s heart rate is at?”

“Seventy five beats per minute, sir,” Jarvis answered immediately. “This is the ideal heart rate.”

Huh. Bucky had managed to calm you down after all.

Blinking, you realized your cheeks were now free of tears and your breathing was no longer bordering hyperventilation. Bucky had somehow caught your embarrassment and known that if he focused you on it, your panic would fade into the background. Not only were you no longer panicking, but now you had a stronger grasp on your power. That was scary for a moment, because it meant that he’d manipulated you and done it well, but it was also… kind of impressive, actually.

“So you think I’m pretty?” he went on, lightly but insistently teasing you. “What’s it say about you that you’re attracted to a guy that’s been shutting you down for a month straight?” In your opinion, ‘shutting it down’ was putting it lightly.

“I’m not attracted to you,” you defended yourself, raising your eyes to the ceiling and trying to ignore how your cheeks burned. You couldn’t believe you were actually having this conversation. “You’re just… you’re just a pretty guy with an awful fucking personality and I apparently have little to no common sense.”

For a moment you thought you had fucked up, as Bucky’s mood had suddenly shifted from amusement to an intense form of frustration. It felt like his general annoyance and irritation until you dug deeper and found that all of it was directed inward, toward himself. You had ended the physical contact and therefore had no way of knowing specifics, but Bucky’s current emotions seemed borne of a guiltier nature.

“Yeah, about that,” he began. It was his turn to avoid eye contact now, instead training his gaze out the window and on the bustling city streets below. “I’m… Look, I’m a defensive person and I can admit that. It’s not that I don’t like other people, I just don’t like strangers. Especially strangers who are supposed to be in charge of me. They had those at Hydra, they were… They called them my handlers, and they got inside my head and changed and took whatever they wanted or needed to. That happened for seven decades. I’m not saying that’s an excuse, but I’m just trying to explain why I’ve been so... “ He paused and sucked his teeth, stalling for time. “Look, I haven’t exactly been nice to you.”

“I’m aware,” you told him simply. Was it wrong that you were getting some satisfaction out of this? Surely you deserved to; you’d been dealing with Bucky’s bullshit while selflessly sacrificing your own sleep for his, not that he had any idea. And you hated to hear about his traumatic past, and you had so much sympathy and empathy for everything he had gone through, but the words Steve had barked at him in the training room were still ringing in your ears. Trauma’s not an excuse to be an asshole.

“And you… haven’t really deserved it.”

“I know.”

“And you’ve been pretty nice, I guess, so I mean… I should say I’m sorry. For being awful. And for calling you names and saying your powers are worthless, and for insulting you, uh, every day. Also for attacking you back up in the training room, but if we’re being honest with ourselves, you really can’t fight and you are awful at defending yourself—”

“You’re not very good at apologizing,” you noted, crossing your arms and raising a brow. Despite the resigned teasing you threw at him, you registered that he really was feeling badly. It might not have been overly present in his words, but you could feel it, luckily enough for him. He was putting forth genuine guilt and, more surprisingly, a desire to bond.

Bucky Barnes just kept surprising you.

“I’m just… I’m just sorry,” Bucky sighed, running a metal hand through his already unkempt hair. “I’ve been awful to you, and unfairly insulting. And then, when you showed me how you were feeling before you left the training room, I realized just how I’ve been making you feel.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled, letting out a sigh and resting your chin in the palm of your hand. The words didn’t make up for his actions by any means, but you appreciated where they were coming from, in any case. “For the apology.”

Bucky nodded, and cleared his throat. You knew he had noticed that you hadn’t technically accepted the apology, but he seemed uninclined to comment on it. Your words from earlier were ringing true as could be; Bucky really wasn’t very good at apologizing. In truth, it probably wasn’t something he was very accustomed to.

That made you wonder if anyone had ever bothered to apologize to him.

“Here’s the thing,” you began, drawing his gaze back to you. “I know you’ve heard this a billion times. I’ve told you, Wanda’s told you, Steve’s told you, but I feel like I need to tell you again. I’m just here to help you, Bucky, I truly and honestly am. If I can do a good job at helping you, Fury’s giving me a field agent promotion, and then I’ll be able to help even more people, and that’s all I’ve wanted to do since I was little. My power, it’s… it’s designed to help people, and I’ll do anything to get there, okay? It’s why I’ve been putting up with the insults, and the harshness, and all of that. So if you’re really sorry? If you feel as bad as you say you do? Let me do my job and let me help you. I don’t know if you know this, but I am on a deadline, here.”

He nodded. “Tony’s summer gala, right? The message I got from Fury this morning said that was when I had to have you trained by.”

“Yeah,” you affirmed. The deadline had been in Bucky’s case file, outlined explicitly. It was why you’d been so antsy over this last month; now that you were a couple days into December, Tony’s gala was only roughly six months away, and you’d spent an entire four weeks losing sleep instead of making actual progress. “So like, if you can train me and let me do my job, I’ll do the best I can to fix whatever’s going on with your triggers and your emotional barriers, and then we’ll be done with each other by the end of June, okay? It’s basically a quid pro quo.”

Bucky assessed you with that skin piercing gaze of his, the resignation clear on his face. “That’s fair, I guess,” he eventually let out. After trying to bash your head in? Uh, yeah, you were pretty sure it was more than fair. “I have one condition, though.”

You blinked and raised an eyebrow, looking at him expectantly and waiting.

“You can’t sneak into my room and do that voodoo shit with my dreams anymore.” There was a certain edge in his voice, one that reminded you of a knife. His words were of the flat, dull side, but at any point he could flip around and slice the sharp side across your skin. “I was being serious when I told you I didn’t want you digging around in my head. Me being awake while you’re doing it is one thing, and me offering to let you do it like I did just now is another, but for you to… I understand you were trying to help, but the blow up I had this morning is the worst I’ve felt in months. That can’t happen again, and I don’t think either of us deserves for it to.”

You blanched, blood turning to ice in your veins. He knew? He knew? How the fuck did he know? Had he been awake the last time you’d done it? Had you slipped up and shown it to him while he’d been holding your hands?

Deflection was probably the safest option, here. No need to unnecessarily incriminate yourself.

“Um… I don’t know what you’re… talking about?”

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, rolling his eyes before closing them. “First thing I’m teaching you to do after basic combat is lying. That was fucking painful, Y/n. Like, ridiculously painful. First rule when it comes to lying? Make sure there’s nobody who can undermine it. Wanda let me know about it before I came up here to talk to you.” Nobody in this tower was capable of keeping a fucking secret, were they? “Don’t be too upset with her, she was just pointing out how horrible I’ve been to you, and I’m willing to look past it so that I can pretend we’re somewhat even, but that’s a breach of privacy that I cannot deal with. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” you stated, exhaling a breath you hadn’t been fully aware you’d been holding. “I guess I get it.”

“Good,” Bucky told you, standing from your bed. Already you could see the differences in his physical posture while around you. He was less rigid, less likely to snap at the slightest irritation. His jaw wasn’t clenched as it normally was, and his hands weren’t balled into fists. “And just for the record? Normally when a pretty girl sneaks into my room in the middle of the night, I’m at least decent enough to be awake and ready for her.” That particular sentence was punctuated with a shit eating smirk and a flare of satisfaction.

“Fuck off,” you responded, cheeks heating up again. If this was how nice Bucky was going to act all the time, you wondered if it wouldn’t be better to hit the reset button and go back to asshole Bucky.

“We’ll start training tomorrow,” he called over his shoulder as he walked towards the door. “And you can let me know when you want to start… therapy, or whatever.” Just before he got to the door he turned around fully, making sure to catch your gazed before saying, “Thank you, by the way. For the dreams. The sunshine… I didn’t know it could feel like that.” He left before you could ask him what he meant.

Sunshine. Bucky’s happier dreams, whatever they had contained, had possessed sunshine. It didn’t make up for anything, and the mention of it had only served to puzzle you further… But he’d smiled fondly while recalling what it had felt like to feel that dreamy sunshine, and knowing that you were responsible for allowing him to feel it?

That almost made it all a little more worth it.

—

Part 5

Tag List: @ayyomizzy @frost-11 @abswritesmarvel @wantingtobekorra @stan-by-me @lordemjay @elleatrixlestrange @ly--canthrope @little-bit-of-your-heart @severuined @sebbyislife22 @38leticia @emiliesnowflake @xojerriexo @vxidnik @wintersoldierbaby @quickies-with-quicksilver @weirdisradxx @holycoldcoffee @k-nightt @a-villian-vying-for-attention @softwhispers @marbleowl @ssweet-empowerment @mariah-notcarey17 @littleingram @toodlespoots @asmilinghopelessromantic @beckyisacow @ofmusicandbooks @ha1featenbage1 @iamwarrenspeace @teenagecornflakes @amisha25 @darthseph @twsnat

[avengers-nextgen]

Family Karaoke

Family Karaoke night was always one hell of an event, and now that new members of the family were there-it was going to be a wild ride.

Of course, they were all excited. They’d heard time and time again how epic most of these events were, and most of the time Karaoke night was a time to vent anything and everything without judgment. James called it a form of healthy family communication.

“I’m going first!” Orion declared taking Enzo to the mini stage with him. “We’ve prepared a routine. Practiced it all week, and I think we’re about to nail it.”

“Oh god,” Scout slumped in his seat, already hiding his face.

“You all should know this, it’s a classic!” Enzo winked, clutching one of the microphones in hand. Orion nodded to Piper and she started the music stifling a laugh.

The first few notes solicited a collective groan, but Enzo was unphased as he began to bounce along with the tune. “We’re talking away. I don’t know what I’m to say I’ll say it anyway. Today’s another day to find you.”

Orion barely made his queue as he struggled not to laugh. The words came out in strangled notes as he suppressed the laughter, “Shying away. I’ll be coming for your lover okay?”

Enzo giggled into the microphone as Orion plopped onto Scout’s lap shrieking ‘Take me on’. On occasion he managed to splutter out the echoes words, but Scout had it the worst. He was torn between pinching Orion, laughing, and dying from embarrassment. Piper had fallen off of her seat ages ago, and Alex was concerned Piper would pee on herself-something they’d discovered as children.

“In a day or two!” Orion’s jaw hit practically hit the floor as Enzo nailed the high note after the second chorus. The entire room exploded in laughter, amazement, and jumbled words.

“Holy shit! You sound like you got kicked in the balls!” Orion wheezed, and consequently ended the song with his remark. Getting everyone to calm down after such a beautiful masterpiece was near impossible.

At last, with a lot of scolding, things mellowed out allowing Arthur to take his place in the spot light.

His usual attire had been completely replaced with the help of Penny. His hair was slicked back, he had a black shirt, leather jacket, studded belt, rolled jeans, and boots.

As soon as the first note played everyone perked up in excitement. “This ain't a song for the broken-hearted. No silent prayer for the faith-departed. I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd. You're gonna hear my voice. When I shout it out loud.”

With the first chorus breaking across the room Arthur seemed to disappear into some subconscious aspect of himself: a rock star. His voice matched the right level of raspiness, his foot tapped excitedly to the beat, and he danced about at an alarmingly energetic pace.

“It’s my life!” The entire room shouted in various keys drawing a smile from Arthur mid performance. By the end he was completely out of breath, covered in sweat, with wild hair, and a wide grin on his face.

“Yes!” Piper called. “That’s my son!”

“I’m older than you!” Arthur laughed, clutching his chest.

“My turn, meeeeee!” Penny leapt from her spot on the couch and sprinted to the open stage first. “Okay, Enzo thanks for the song suggestion. I hope I do it justice.” “Babe,” Enzo held up his hand like he was praising Jesus, “I believe in you.”

Penny nodded, set her feet, and took a deep breath before starting, “Got a figure like a pin-up. Got a figure like a doll. Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all. Candy bear, sweety pie, I wanna be adored. I'm the girl you'd die for.”

Enzo flicked his wrists about as if he were drumming along to the song. All the whole he mouthed the words with frantic emotion like the song was his life. “I’m gonna be a bubblegum bitch.”

Orion canned himself, falling over onto James like Penny was lighting the room in fire, “hot damn!”

“You drama king,” James snorted and slapped him hard on the stomach.

Piper came up with the creative idea of hurling a pack of gum at Penny when she’d finished, “be my bubblegum bitch!”

“Congratulations Karaoke is cancelled!” Alex slapped a hand over Piper’s mouth.

— — —

Karaoke wasn’t cancelled, but a bathroom break was in order. By the time everyone was settled again Penny was happily chewing away at her newly acquired gum.

“This song is my favorite. It’s the hype song of all time. Everyone best participate or I will shun you publicly.” Nathaniel grinned like the Cheshire Cat. Everyone knew what song was about to play-he sang it at least once every time- and so Journey’s don’t stop believing took hold of his sanity and killed it.

One moment he was on stage and the next he was dancing with Alex or wheeling around in a chair. He even twerked-albeit horribly-to amuse Enzo, Penny, and Orion.

“SING!” Nathaniel shrieked, startling Chloe from where she sat quietly on the couch. “IT’S THE RULE!”

She opened her mouth to protest only for Piper to yell, “IT’S THE RULE!”

By the end Chloe grudgingly joined in much to Arthur’s happiness. Slowly, everyone’s adrenaline subsided, and the slower songs began. James took to the stage singing Billy Joel’s Always A Woman.

He managed the song extremely well and the room was quiet for once in order to listen. James’ couldn’t help but smile at his favorite part, “And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden. Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding. But she brings out the best and the worst you can be.Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me.”

He temporarily caught Alex’s eye and she winked at him nearly making him miss the next verse in confusion. He didn’t know what that was supposed to mean exactly, but he’d think about it later. When her brother was done Alex upped the energy with Piper and the two sang Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit.

“The anthem of every edgy teen,” Scout sighed. He, like Chloe, has opted out of this karaoke round. He’d actually started losing his voice-a seasonal thing-when the weather began to change. It was definitely transitioning into the colder parts of winter.

The night started to rap up with some ridiculous duos and those who had yet to join seemed perfectly comfortable in doing so. But just before they called it quits Fox slunk up for the last song. Needless to say, everyone was a little surprised. Everyone except for James who’d learned she sang on occasion at her parent’s bar.

“I'll give you what you like, I'll give you one last chance to hold me.If you give me one last cigarette.By now it's only in the morning.Now that I gave you what you want, all I want is to forget.” Fox’s voice was oddly enchanting, it was the combination of a husky whisper and a smooth alto pitch. James felt a tug in his stomach, knowing this was her way of communicating some unfortunate memories. He’d asked her to find creative ways in letting go of some things, and it appeared this was one of them. “When you turn off the lights I get stars in my eyes. Is this love? Maybe someday. I've got this scene in my head, I'm not sure how it ends. Is it love?Maybe one day. So don't turn on the lights. I'll give you what you like.”

(Sorry, I know it’s not too long or detailed.)

[desperatelyfullforever]

Disney World Omo (Angie’s Pov)

Hey, guys!

You might think it’s the original, but nope! It’s Angie for once, haha. I’m the one writing. First off, thank you guys so much for all the positive feedback! We didn’t expect everybody to be so amazing and to like the stories so quickly, and we really appreciate it.

Second, do you know how sucky it is to hear a story from her point of view when I’m the one desperate?

Now, as you guys know that typically I don’t get desperate. Well, ever since I found out that she’s into this, I get desperate at least twice a day, no kidding. My amazing girlfriend loves to ply me with numerous drinks and get me worked up and desperate. Don’t worry, there’s days we don’t do anything so my poor, overworked bladder gets a rest.

Also, I’m fucking dying for a piss right now but she won’t let me go until I post this because I nagged her to let me write something. Can’t be sloppy, but damn it’s hard to focus.

Let’s see if her writing skills she’s taught me have been put to good use, shall we?

For the new/lazy readers, here’s my info: I’m a tiny Hispanic girl with olive skin and wavy brown hair that goes barely past my shoulders. My body right now is a lot slimmer than it was, but at this point in time I was more on the average side of things, about 125 pounds while being 5 feet tall (I’ve grown about half an inch since then!) Here, I was wearing skintight jeans, a white tank top and sneakers. Here, in this story this is the first time I realized she was into this.

(I know it was said that the next post will be her choir story, but that’s for HER post, not mine. :P)

Now, before her, I never knew that this was an actual kink. I never heard of the name, noticed it, or anything. Yes, I noticed that when I got desperate she was slightly more invested in me, but I never put two and two together until this situation.

As most of you know, we were in band in high school. Now we’re college students, and this happened last May (roughly 6 months ago at the point of this writing). We had our trip for marching band in Disney World, and typically our schedules were hectic and busy; we’d get up at 6:30 or 7 in the morning and be out until at least 10 at night. Typically, the day would be this: wake up, have breakfast, travel to park for something involving the band, split up and do our own thing, meet up between 4-6, either stay in park or go to another park, meet up for another band thing, then meet up at apartments for room keys, curfew, sleep. For 5 days. Just, damn it was so busy, you’d barely get a moment to breathe it felt like.

Anyway, this was day 4 of our trip, the last day before we head to Universal Studios and then back home. The morning was a free-for-all; we could choose whatever park we wanted to go to until we met up for a light show in Epcot. She wanted to go to Animal Kingdom, and I wanted to go to Downtown Disney (Disney Springs?) for that building full of video games, so we compromised; Animal Kingdom for the first half, Downtown Disney for the second half.

First off, let me tell you that my 3 roommates didn’t bother to wake me up at first. We got up at 7 and were supposed to be at breakfast at 8, and I got up at 7:49 while they all were dressed and getting ready to head out. “What the fuck, guys? Couldn’t wake me up?” I shouted as I scrambled out of bed and threw on my black shorts, green t-shirt and sneakers.

They all shrugged. One answered, “We tried. You’re a stubborn ass that refuses to get out of a bed until you have to.”

I blushed, she was right. Unless I have to get up, I don’t. And that means waiting until the last possible moment (hint, hint). I brushed my teeth and hair and hurried after them, getting to the cafeteria by 7:59.

I see her sitting with our friends, already having breakfast. I grab my own breakfast, pancakes with fruit and orange juice, and sit with them. We all eat, and I stupidly take the rest of her drink, which is also juice. “Are you ready to go?” she asked, getting the trash together and throwing it out.

“Give me a sec.” I finish the juice and get up, grabbing the bag I brought with me while she grabs my hand and leads us to the buses in front of the resorts (we stayed in the Music Resort, duh). There was already a long line and half of our band was heading there, so we ran to it and claimed our spot.

We just so happened to be standing behind my parents, who tagged along to the trip. “Angelica, remember to drink a lot today,” my mom said. “It’s supposed to be really hot today.”

Oh, I didn’t think going to Orlando, Florida in the middle of May would be blistering hot. Nonetheless, she gave me two bottles of water and had me drink half of one before she was satisfied enough to go back to talking to my dad. My stomach felt a bit full from all the liquids, and it hit me that I never used the bathroom that morning. Usually in the morning I need to go pretty decently, and me plying myself of juice and water definitely didn’t help.

Apparently I subconsciously started squeezing her hand, because she noticed that I was getting tense. “You okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m…just excited!”

Keep in mind I didn’t know of this being a kink. I didn’t know that she knew at that moment I needed to go. She only nodded and started conversation with me, mainly our plans today.

We stood there for roughly 20 minutes because of the long line and the bus only fitting so many people, so we had to wait for the second bus. When we got on the bus I immediately felt it hit me even more because of the AC-they keep it cold as fuck in there. I sat next to her and crossed my legs, ignoring my bladder’s urges for the time being. “Where are we going first?” I asked her.

“I want to go to that Everest coaster. The line gets long as fuck around noon, and it’s a little after 10 now.”

Fair enough. After we’re done discussing our plans I simply play around on my phone until we get there. Jeez, the lines to get IN are long. We take about 20 more minutes to get into the park before finally getting past everything. Before I can say or do anything she grabs my hand, leading me to the coaster.

Now, I’ve been to Disney multiple times and I can tell you the shortest ways to get from point A to B, but she wasn’t having it. We get to the ride, and the line is about a half hour. No problem, not nearly as long as it could’ve been. We get in line and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Right before we get into the part of the line where it shows you relics involving the Yeti, there’s commotion about a little boy that needs to use the bathroom, but we all know that you can’t leave the line or else you’ll lose your spot. After a few minutes of back and forth with the mother, the little boy turns around, pulls his pants down and pees right there on the side of the queue for about a minute. I didn’t see it, but I could hear it and it reminded me of how badly I needed to go. I cross my legs and bounce a little.

She gave me a look but didn’t say anything.

The mom left the line with the boy, probably to beat his ass. Even with them gone I still heard the sound of him peeing, and it was torture. Two glasses of juice and half a water bottle was starting to catch up. I rubbed my stomach and whimpered, bending over a bit. We’d definitely make a trip to the bathroom after this ride, I promised myself.

Of course, my plans never happened.

Finally, we got close to the front of the line. I climbed in the seat next to her. We rode, got off and went into the gift shop. While looking around, I had a hand between my legs. “Hey, love?” I said as we prepared to leave. “Do you mind if we stop by-”

“Hey guys!” Fuck. It was our friends. I grin and bear it while talking to them, squeezing her hand as a form of distraction.

“Let’s say we head over to the water rapids?”

Water? My bladder ached at that. “Oh yeah, I forgot there’s a rapids here,” she said, sounding…happy? “Angie, do you wanna go?”

Not like I could refuse. It was 1 against 6. “Sure,” I shrugged. “But can we stop-”

“The line gets pretty long, so we’d have to hurry,” one said. Fuck.

Cue us rushing to get in line, since the ride is across the fucking park. By the time we stop running I’m out of breath, and thirsty. I used logic that we’ll be able to get to a bathroom after this ride and chugged the rest of the first bottle.

As we get closer to the front, I started hearing the sounds of rushing water, as well as seeing people get off while soaking wet and dripping. Now I’m holding my bag in front of me, trying to discreetly hold myself. My bladder felt like a rock at this point, and now I was gonna sit in a raft full of water while getting thrown around and splashed. Just the thought of that prompted a leak, causing me to gasp.

She heard me, of course. “Angie, what’s wrong?”

I ripped my hand away, forcing a grin. “Nothing, it’s just hot as fuck.”

Her lips quivered, as if trying to fight a grin. “Well, don’t you have water?”

…Fuck. I grab my water and take a healthy sip to satisfy her. She grabbed my hand again, which I took advantage of by squeezing. But now I couldn’t hold myself.

After a bit we got close to the ride, and I could really hear the water rushing. I couldn’t help but grab myself, thinking nobody’s looking. She glanced at me and I tore my hand away again, shaking it in the air (I don’t know if anybody else does that, but if I need to go and I can’t grab myself I shake them in the air) and clenching it into a fist. At this particular moment my bladder decided to throb, making me bend over a bit and squirm even more.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you? Why are you moving like this?”

Every fiber of my being wanted to run out of line and to the nearest bathroom, but pride was still an overwhelming factor. I wanted to prove to myself that I could wait long enough, that I could tell my bladder that I could hold it long enough. “I’m fine, I promise,” I said to her. In order to prove it I stood up straight, relaxing my body long enough to seem fine.

She stared at me for a long, long time. I could feel my resolve waning with each passing second, and I wanted nothing more but to put my hand between my legs again. Finally she turned around, talking to our friends. I sighed in relief and grabbed myself. Now, I started feeling some sort of heat building between my legs, but I was too desperate to acknowledge it.

Finally, after waiting a fucking lifetime we get on the ride. I tried to find the driest seat but couldn’t, sitting in a puddle of water. The liquid on my skin made me leak again and I could see myself losing it entirely. Somehow I pull it together for the ride, focusing on keeping dry (well, for the most part), and somehow I do. However, towards the end of the ride, I managed to go the majority of it without getting splashed. Of course with my stupid luck, I do. Right in my lap. The feeling of water so damn close to my body made me leak a lot, and I cross my legs while sneaking a grab as I inspect the damage. Thank fuck my shorts were black.

Finally we got off the ride and I couldn’t stand up straight. I was hunched over, unable to stand still at all while my hands shook in the air. We said goodbye to our friends as we planned on heading to Downtown Disney before we had to go back to the resort.

I said nothing, letting her lead me to the buses. We had to take a bus to another resort before heading to the springs. The entire time on the first bus I was quiet, focusing on not pissing myself. My bladder felt unbearably full, and I felt like I was gonna lose it at any moment now. I couldn’t grab myself because she was watching me intently, so I didn’t want to give anything away.

We got off the bus at the resort. We were the only ones there, and there was a fucking waterfall near us. I sat down on a bench while she stood, checking the times for buses. I take the time to grab myself and cross my legs, moaning. All I could think about was how full I felt and how badly I needed to go. I seriously doubted my ability to hold it until we got to the video game building; I had a shaky yet constant leak going by this point.

“You need to pee, don’t you?” That startled the fuck out of me and made me leak even more. I whined and managed to cut it off, looking up at her. Now I couldn’t hide it even if I wanted to, she caught me. I nod and moan again, curling into a ball.

She bit her lip and took a seat next to me, looking around. Nobody was there. “Let me help,” she offered.

At this point I wanted to just let go, damn what happened. But she was so willing, I just let her. She started kissing me and immediately put her hand between my legs, nudging mine to the side. Her arm wrapped around my body to pull me closer, and I felt one leg slip in between mine.

After a bit of feeling around I felt her other hand feel my bladder before pressing down, hard. I groaned while trying to throw my hand down again, but she swatted it away. I tried to close my legs but hers wouldn’t let me, so I was reduced to shaking my hands again while grinding against her hand. The other one strayed over my bladder as I squirmed. She watched the entire time, breathing heavily.

Weird. Why was she so turned on all of a sudden?

Wait. Wait a fucking moment…she was watching me all day, meaning she might’ve known that I had to go since the damn resort hours ago. She made me drink water a few times, and now she was so turned on I couldn’t believe it. Then there was the time at my house when she made me drink again and had me sit in her lap, and didn’t get disgusted when I wet myself and her. And then there was that competition…

After the wave died down a bit I gave her a look. “You’re…you’re turned on by seeing me need to pee, aren’t you?” I asked.

She looked like a deer caught in headlights, blushing. She looked away, nodding.

I laughed. I couldn’t believe it. “What’s so funny?” she asked, frowning.

“You could’ve just asked me to hold it for you,” I purred, teasing her despite my own situation. “We could’ve planned this out instead of me almost wetting myself multiple times today.”

And now she looked surprised. “Really? You…you don’t mind?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but another wave hit my bladder as a huge spurt leaked out. I squirmed and took advantage of her surprise, pushing her hand away and grabbing myself with my own. “Discuss later, I’m gonna lose it,” I told her. It was no use, there was no way in hell I could hold it.

She looked around again. “Stand up.” I did, feeling even more desperate as my bladder shifted. She pulled my already soaked shorts down and pushed me onto the bench. “Go.”

Despite me really, really needing to go I couldn’t. My nerves were sky-high, and I was worried that I’d get caught. She took notice and put her hand in between my legs again, rubbing my clit while kissing a sensitive spot on my neck. A steady leak came out, but nothing more. Her other hand reached around and, out of fucking nowhere, put all of its weight on my bladder.

That broke the dam. Pee gushed out of me at a surprising rate, splattering on the ground in front of us. I moan loudly, using a hand to cover my mouth. She was still rubbing my clit, and I quickly feel an orgasm building. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop,” I warned her.

“As you wish.” She took her thumb and jammed it against my clit, causing me to unravel. I came, still pissing hard. I swore I saw stars behind my eyes, unable to be quiet at all. My orgasm stopped before I was done peeing, and she merely stared in awe.

After about two minutes it finally died down. The puddle was dribbling towards the street, and we sat about 7 feet from the curb. She shuffled around a bit, clearly turned on by everything. I could only pant, feeling heavily relieved. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you later,” I promised.

A devilish grin appeared on her face as I said that. “Well, you did drink a lot, didn’t you?”

(And that’s that. Alright, my bladder is about to explode. I was gonna finish and add the second half of the story to this, but I’m honestly about to piss myself. Maybe I’ll post it later…Bye!)