#no type of relationship is inherently more important than another

[physalian]

Character Types: The “Fixer”

Oh look it’s another chance to bring exposure to casual traumas in real people thinly disguised as writing advice heyyyyy

The “Fixer” is the character who puts everyone else before themselves, but isn’t quite so self-destructive as the jaded loner—this person’s whole schtick is that everyone else’s needs and emotions come first, which will usually end up with them behaving and appearing very extroverted, fun, and kind.

They have no idea they’re doing it, either, and see nothing wrong with their behavior or what logic there is in saving a little slice of the pie for themselves. They’re not self-loathers or angsty abusers and if there are parts of themselves that they don’t like, they probably think of these aspects as “what can you do? Oh well” with zero motivation to exercise their demons, because they don't see them as demons but something they deserve to suffer with.

Or, they know exactly what they’re doing and cannot see the merit at all in themselves deserving a piece of the pie, as if they’re inherently lesser than everyone around them for Reasons they cannot articulate, Reasons that, if their friends or loved ones share the exact same traits, they’d bend over backwards and make excuses for. They have normalized their existence that there’s nothing left to angst over. “I am lesser” is just. A statement of fact.

These characters come in several flavors:

The parental figure (possibly single) or “mature” one in the family who’s always prepared, always has the big backpack with bandaids and wet-naps, probably the first to say “we’re family, all’s forgiven” in effort to keep the peace.  They’re the person who literally eats last or not at all, even when conserving food isn’t necessary, usually with the smallest, now-cold serving. Also can be the parentified sibling.

The person in a romantic relationship doing a whole lot more giving than receiving, whether it’s physically or emotionally, insisting that they’re fine, that their partner need not go out of their way to do XYZ for them, but is incredibly in tune with anything and everything that their partner might need. They’re likely to be in an abusive relationship, either emotionally or physically, or both, because a sensible partner who loves Fixer as much as the Fixer loves them wouldn’t let Fixer get away with an unfair share of back-breaking emotional labor. The abuser takes full advantage of it and laughs when they’re not looking.

The “mom” of the hero team/friend group, similar to the actual parental figure, but in this dynamic, everyone’s about the same age. The Fixer probably isn’t the leader, but second or third in command, as they don’t think themselves capable of making the Big Decisions and prefer running support. They take the most cramped bedroom, the most undesirable odd jobs, and do far more than their share of the chores and other tasks, probably without the rest of the group realizing it until something happens to them. No one asks this of them, they automatically assume this is their burden and don’t even think to suggest equal shares.

Alternate case:

They’re the “leader” because no one else wants to do the job, pretending to be way less stressed than they are and habitually protecting their team from the worst of it with little white lies, to the point where no one has any idea how much they’re suffering in silence until they eventually break. As opposed to a properly communicative leader who regularly delegates important tasks and is very transparent in all their decisions. They might also be the leader because they don’t think anyone else in their team could perform as well under pressure, pressure they’ve been under their whole life.

I actually wrote two of these, the Original, and then the Original Who Went to Therapy, between two different WIPs.

Original was the second in command of a plucky space crew in the sci-fi WIP I always mention, who was very versatile and OP and thus took it upon himself to take the lion’s share of the work around the ship because he could do it quickly and delegating the tasks to the rest of the crew was, to him, objectively pointless. He was also an empath with an ability he couldn’t turn off, literally stuck doing the emotional labor far and above normal human conditions.

He was a firm believer in “if I can, I must” and repeatedly put himself in dangerous situations because he’s the only one who could escape them alive, and to not act would be selfish, and above all else, he feared looking selfish. This all came to a head when Magical Shenanigans ensued and his own powers turned against him, stressing him to the point of his body going “we are taking a Break” and he got bedridden until he learned how to talk about his feelings and let people in.

While he was sick, him Not Being There for when the rest of the plot carried on without him meant that  his team very badly felt his absence because he did so much without them realizing it, and they did not handle it well, picking a different character to shovel all the labor onto, until they too overstrained themselves, and an intervention was necessary.

He was the friendliest character of the team to their newest member, their only cheerleader when the whole rest of his team was skeptical. He was also quite desperate for validation and approval, to the point where he made a bunch of little white lies that quickly caught up with him, pretending to be something he’s not so people would like him.

—

When I ripped the above character out of that WIP and tossed him and another character into Eternal Night, he got an upgrade and a whole bunch of therapy.

Enter Dorian. The main difference between these two is that Dorian can actually stand up for himself and establish boundaries, and got a friend/girlfriend who went “I can fix him” and actually did. He’s still very much a Fixer with a Martyr complex, a vampire who only turned to make sure the people he was stuck with held up their end of a deal and did not expect to keep living after the deal was done…for about three hundred and fifty more years.

This is a character who was a parentified Fixer, sixteen years older than his oopsie little sibling, and did not handle it well when they were separated. He’s very obvious to everyone who knows him, especially when those people have known him for centuries, and know “yeah give that one a little kid to protect and he will predictably fall on his own stake”.

One of his love interests (he’s poly), the “I can fix him” girlfriend, is not at all afraid to call him out on his martyr bullshit, or when he’s bending over backwards trying to save people who don’t want to be saved, or risking his own sanity, health, and reputation for people who insist they don’t want his help.

I specifically designed and introduced Kymiria to look and act like a stereotypically jealous mean girl who doesn’t want to share her man with the protagonist. Except. She’s right. About everything. She knows Dorian extremely well and got him through some awful shit and isn’t about to stand by and watch him break himself again for someone who she thinks doesn’t deserve him (and she’s also right on that point). How she goes about protecting him is totally different.

But for the mortals who live with his coven, he’s the most popular vampire around and the favorite by all the children for a country mile. No one who hasn’t been living with him for decades has any idea that there’s anything traumatic behind his smiles.

—

I like writing Fixer characters because I don’t get to see enough of them. They’re not as popular as the Angsty Sad Boy and certainly not as popular as My Trauma Excuses My Aggression Boy. People who have suffered tend to fall on either end of two extremes: Either they continue the cycle of hate and abuse or they make absolutely certain no one in their life will ever suffer what they did. I like writing and reading the latter, particularly when they're men as most “fixers” we think of emphasize “womanly” traits of kindness and nurturing.

These characters are also their own worst enemies. Their inability to treat themselves as deserving of respect and forgive themselves continuously gets them into sticky situations that they wouldn’t be in if they were just a little bit more willing to put their own needs first.

—

If you're interested in reading my take on Fixers in a bona fide novel, check out Eternal Night of the Northern Sky!

[dusty21134]

it may be the aroace in me talking but i think its kind of ridiculous how people think romantic partners should always come before friends no matter what

[beekeep]

Saw this post floating around, don’t wanna target anyone or argue with Zionists, but it is my duty (especially as an actually indigenous Jew) to educate well-meaning gentiles who might see this and think they have no right to speak on the matter. I’ll go point by point.

1) “Is it so terrible for a Jew to be a Zionist?”

If we were living in any other era, where the genocidal crimes of Israel were not as widely known (though they were very well documented), you could perhaps ask this question in sincerity. Many Jews (such as myself) grow up in religious educational settings which either fail to mention the human rights violations of the state or claim they’re justified because “they want to kill us!” Past a certain point, though, one can’t continue to claim ignorance of what Zionism actually does. Short answer: yes, it is terrible for anyone to claim to be a Zionist, but this will be more evident as I continue to analyze these arguments.

2) “Zionism is the belief in the inherent right of the Jewish people to return to their homeland”

First of all, Palestine is not the “homeland” of the Jewish people any more than Siberia is the homeland of indigenous american tribes. Is there a historical connection? Yes, but though assimilation and migration Jews have found homes across the world. For me, my homeland is Mexico, because my family has lived there for generations, partly through migration but mostly through having cultivated the land for millennia. Even biblically speaking, Palestine does not “belong” to the Jewish people, it belongs to G-d. Furthermore, there is no shortage of Jewish scholarship and activism that asserts that wherever we live, that is our homeland. Frankly, I’m more interested in fighting to stay where I am than fighting to force people out of their homes to accommodate me.

3) “Zionism is the belief in the Jewish right not to be murdered”

By murdering others instead? Once again, there is no shortage of Jewish scholarship and activism in favor of Jewish self defense where we live. Jewish resistance fighters lived and died fighting the nazis in Europe under the third reich. If Zionism was actually interested in preventing Jewish death, it would fight antisemitism where it is. “Preventing murder” is not an excuse to commit genocide.

4) “there are so many definitions of Zionism”

Sorry but I just think of this tweet from @jewdas on Twitter when I read this: “There’s a actual existing Zionism which practices apartheid and denial of human rights. But there’s another Zionism inside my head which is all rainbows and kosher marshmallows, so who can say which is the real Zionism?” In other words, the actual, material consequences of Zionist beliefs are more important than what any individual thinks their Zionism is. Once again, we live in the Information Age, where anyone can easily learn about the damage that Zionism has done in Palestine and abroad. There is no excuse to continue using the label that doesn’t presuppose complete ignorance of Israeli violence.

5) “zionists just want to be safe from antisemitism in the diaspora”

See points 3 & 4.

6) “and this is different from evangelical zionists”

Materially speaking, not really. Once again, see point 4. Until you pull all US/european colonial support for Israel, this claim falls flat.

7) “zionists just want to live peacefully with other indigenous people in the area”

That’s not what indigeneity is, it doesn’t mean “from there,” it’s a specific relationship to the land and to its cultivation. (On a side note, even biblically and historically speaking, Jews are not “from” Palestine.) See point 2. Zionism has proven it is not a peaceful ideology. See point 4.

8) “people refuse to see the difference in types of Zionism because they hate the Jews”

No, it’s because there are no material differences. See point 4. Evangelical Zionism and Jewish Zionism actually share quite a bit in common. The “Jewish state” would not exist without evangelical Zionists. See point 6. And the original Jewish Zionist thinkers had a vested interest in tying the two together.

tl;dr, Zionism is a violent ideology in practice, and no amount of making excuses can hide the fact that it is genocidal and serves European/American interests. Additionally, just because one is not Jewish does not mean one does not have a duty and an obligation to eliminate Zionism wherever it crops up. Zionism has had disastrous consequences for Palestinians, and as western citizens, we benefit from their suffering. It must end now. May Palestine be freed in our lifetimes.

[pomeness]

Yapping about Kaiser (again)

No because I was thinking about Kaiser's narcissistic traits and how fucking SPOT ON they are its insane.

The hierarchy. The fact kaiser thinks in hierarchies. And its shown pretty explicitly via that one panel of noa and isagi on the stairs and Kaiser looking at them from below after his delusions got shattered.

That + him perceiving(!) Ness as a dog because he is inferior in his hierarchy scale.

And this is such a dismissed trait yet it's The most important when it comes to how narcissistic people navigate interpersonal relationships.

There's always someone inferior. There may be someone superior, too. Unless you're delusional enough. Then you're actually God.

And to think Ness is the main enabler* of those "delusions", esp when it comes to grandiosity, another narcissistic trait Kaiser displays.

*specifying i am not victim blaming Ness

Without Kaiser taking advantage of his fragility, without Ness grabbing onto the single spark that Kaiser had shown him (via... calling him a loser? Lmfao), the kaiser-centric system in bm would not exist.

So Kaiser went from being dismissed by the whole team due to his antisocial behavior/inability to navigate the "human" world to being praised non-stop and considered the fundamental player in their team.

Considering how Kaiser has never received love or recognition beforehand, he got lost in it and got greedy. Kaiser pre chara development is just your local feral stray cat who you adopted and now believes he is the king of the house. I seriously do not blame him for that ngl.

(Esp since he Is a good player. So his delusions werent actually that delusional yk.)

He does think he is The shit though, except at the time he was a v static player. He got too comfortable in the security of ness' passes, too dependent on it, which made his game more predictable and didn't let him evolve to reach his full potential.

I think, with time, his grandiosity may fade a bit, since to me it was strictly linked to Ness and the kaiser-centric system used by BM. That + it is a double edged sword, since it actually slows you down into becoming your better self. If you alreadythibk you're the greatest, there's not much room left for development.

And Kaiser is smart and is actually quite self conscious enough to not fall in past mistakes, not now that he has finally gotten the grasps of how to become a better player. He is a pro when it comes to survival, after all.

So yeah, grandiosity is def not Kaiser's main trait imo. The hierarchy, his callousness and his sadism (his malice) are probably more "pronounced" in his personality, although neither callousness nor sadism are inherently linked to narcissism.

Now, as I just said, sadism is common in people who display narcissistic behaviour but its not inherently narcissistic. It may be linked to antisociality, as well as trauma or repressed rage.

Kaiser, who's been unable to react to his father's abuse for YEARS, has, in fact, more than a decade worth of repressed rage. Except – once again – he does not rebel to whom he considers stronger/superior in his hierarchy.

In this case he sorta acts like your typical bully. Can't react towards an "authority" so he picks on weaker/inferior people. Kaiser feasts on them. But of course, there's no satisfaction into crushing npcs, yk. Hence all that disney villain type of monologue about how Isagi was finally big enough to devour (gay methinks, but thats not the point). Again. Big enough to get the sadistic satisfaction of crushing him but not too big, at least in Kaiser's mind.

(Except karma is a bitch and so is Isagi.)

Also. Can I say that I love how when Kaiser is not masking, he is the literal definition of the person standing emoji. Which is kinda funny but its actually so fucking real. Whoever has experienced dissociation, depersonalisation or derealization knows the drill. And dissociative disorders are sooo so common when it comes to trauma, esp when it comes to physical abuse. Kaiser's perception of his own body is probably so messed up. He got beat up till he bled like almost every day. Kaiser's body was for his father to use as a punching ball for YEARS. Since he was a CHILD.

So, of course, the second kaiser got actual autonomy on his body (for the first time ever!!!) he asked for a tattoo. Because now he gets to customise it as a way to make it his own.

It's his body now.

Also, his lack of empathy/callousness absolutely comes from trauma. Living in a violent environment, being forced to use your reptilian brain 24/7 does not do well to a child, and definitely doesn't help the correct development of certain parts of your brain when it comes to emotions. And Kaiser is still on survival mode.

Tbh. Kaiser's cptsd is severe and deeply intertwined in his personality and how he acts and lives. Even the hierarchy trait is strictly linked to his childhood: eat or get eaten. His father treated him like an extension of himself, a worthless object.

His ability to read people and to recognise Ness as easy prey probably comes from when he used to steal from people. You know, you need to learn quickly how to spot certain patterns and find the perfect victim to rob. He is used to analyse and read people. He just lacked the ability to manipulate since his experiences with people were limited.

I'm gonna be honest he would be a difficult patient to properly diagnose, considering his backstory. C-ptsd is the only thing I'm certain of.

((I think if his mental state ever becomes a nuisance in Kaiser's plan to become his best version, he would resort to therapy.))

((Much to think about but now im tired so i will end this here))

[thrashkink-coven]

An honest post about demons

I constantly see so many posts on this site from people who work with infernals trying to attest to their “true nature” or debunk myths, while on the other hand I see another crowd trying desperately to warn others about how dangerous infernal work can really be. So what’s the truth?

First and foremost, stop assuming that the word “demon” means anything to any species besides humans. I can almost guarantee that the demons that we refer to as demons do not self identify themselves as “demons”. These are human terms. Stop assuming that “demon” is a species of “thing”, that all demons are the same, come from the same places, or look, act, or function the same. Even among set groups of defined spirits like the goetia, the diversity among the types of spirits listed is immense.

Context is your best friend. Let me be the first to tell you that the demonolatry world is extremely problematic. Remember that when we speak about goetic demons, we are speaking on archetypes defined by religious leaders and men with power. Do I honestly believe there is a hierarchy in Hell that mirrors the systems of supremacy we have here in our human society? I highly doubt it. The metaphor is useful to make sense of something that is otherwise inexplicable, but it’s essential to constantly be aware that these diagrams and ideas are inherently biased and skewed. When we define what makes something “evil” or demonic, we need to be even more hyper aware of our silent biases, lest we accidentally lend ourselves to fascism.

Will the demons hurt you?

No one can answer that question for you. Anyone who attempts to will only be speaking in half truths. So often I see people trying to project their personal experiences and assume that things will go similarly for others as it did for them.

“If you don’t offend them they won’t hurt you”

Perhaps not, although, if you are constantly dealing with a demon of pestilence and disease you might find yourself feeling a bit sickly. If you’re in close proximity to a demon who is all about rage and violence, you might accidentally redirect that rage onto an innocent friend. If you are very sex averted, dealing with a demon of lust might make you uncomfortable.

“They won’t hurt you, they love you!”

Some of them don’t love you, in fact most of them don’t have much of an opinion about you in general. As much as it’s a nice thought, the vast majority of demons do not have any inherent feelings towards anyone unless they have a relationship with them based on memories and shared respect. I have a deeply affectionate relationship with Lord Lucifer, but I speak with him nearly every day. I would be surprised to hear that Lilith or Azazel “loves” me any more than a spider or a patch of grass does. Not every demon you encounter on your journey will be your best friend. You will not work with most of them more than once, and it is completely fine if your relationship is only transactional.

The truth of the matter is that no one can predict how your spirit is going to interact with another. I have never had any positive interactions with Balial, I don’t feel anything comforting about them. But I have spoken to many devotees that say they’re incredibly kind. Likewise, I have never had a negative interaction with Lucifer, and I’ve spoken to many people who got a very mean vibe from him right away. If you do things to dishonour your demons, they may retaliate, they may not. They may not think anything of it, or they might, we can’t really speak on these things without proper context. To ask if a demon can hurt you is already a slight red flag to me. Obviously being cautious is important, but it’s almost like entering a kitchen and immediately asking if fire can hurt you. “Will the knives cut me?” Well… perhaps…? If you misuse them and aren’t being aware of yourself and your surroundings when you have them close to you… then sure, I suppose they could cut you, although I have never had much trouble with it before it’s definitely not out of the question. However, is that your first thought whenever you use a knife? If it is, why is that?

Will the demons be nice to you?

A hot stove isn’t being mean to you when you feel it’s heat on your skin, nor is a fridge being nice to you when it cools your drink. Different demons have different types of people that they really like, and they probably have people they don’t favour as well. As much as they are capable of having their own emotions, you also need to be considerate of their nature. Intention truly is not everything.

Can you truly be surprised when a demon who is extremely involved in chaos and fury is a little forceful with his words? Does the idea of a death demon being dark and cryptic, or a warrior being stern and strict scare you?

When I call upon the demon of savagery and war, I want the demon of savagery and war. I cannot be surprised that he brings savagery and war, if that’s not what I’m prepared for, I should not have invoked his name.

Lucifer is both a gorgeous, ethereal beautiful angel who plays excellent music and brings enlightenment, and a terrible, egotistical, stubborn harbinger of knowledge that can be dangerous and destructive. Lilith is both a powerful protector and champion of self actualization, and a rageful poisonous monster who uses her power to manipulate others. This is the truth for all of these demons. If you cannot understand the dual nature of these spirits, then you may think they are mean and evil. And if you’ve only ever seen the nice side of your demon, you’ll be confused when others explain their negative interactions with them.

Will they try to possess you? Can they possess you?

Whether or not possession as it is portrayed in Hollywood is real or not, I cannot say for sure. What I can say is that in every situation where I have been in proximity to someone who thinks they may be possessed, the more likely explanation seemed to be religious or spiritual psychosis.

Mania is still a thing, guys. Hallucinations are still a real thing that can happen to you. Obsession can happen to anyone, paranoia can happen to anyone. You are not immune to mental illness. In fact it is far easier to succumb to it than possession. Constantly obsessing over a demon still gives them the energy they might want had they been messing with you. It is important for us to protect our spiritual health. But it is infinitely more important to protect your mental health. If you’re genuinely afraid that you’ve gotten yourself into some bad business with a demon, I highly encourage you to heal your mind first and foremost.

Lastly, and I want to make this as clear as possible, there truly are no rules or limits with demons. That is your responsibility.

I’ve seen people say that demons won’t take blood as an offering if you’re a minor or that they would never do something harmful to someone just because you asked them to.

Morality is a human concern. Yes, many demons do have somewhat of a moral code, but that code is not based on human ideals. A demon does not care what the legal age of consent is in your country. They don’t care if what you want them to do is mean or destructive. If you’re open to murder and manipulation and cruelty, it isn’t your demon’s job to step in and stop you. If you’re strictly against blood rituals and baneful magic, it isn’t your demon’s job or concern to pressure you towards doing those things. You are the one that establishes these limits, not them.

“The demons protect all children! The demons love all women! The demons would never work with someone who’s racist or homophobic!”

Trust me, as much as I’d like to believe it, these things simply are not true. I am very aware that Lucifer has worked with homophobes and racists in the past. Lilith has probably helped out a few TERFS. It doesn’t change my opinions on them because they’re not human beings. My personal Lucifer that I have a relationship with doesn’t tolerate these things because I don’t tolerate these things. Anyone who does could not work with my Lucifer (remember, there are many different Lucifer) But I’m not going to pretend that there isn’t a Lucifer that does, or simply doesn’t care. You can use a knife to hurt others, but you can also use it to make a piece of art or a healthy meal that helps others. Stop assuming that the knife is only going to do good things and reject anyone who doesn’t align with your ideals. And likewise, there’s no need to project your ideals onto the knife in the first place. The knife is a good tool when it’s in good hands.

Tldr, just be smart, guys.

[foreverisntenough]

- YOU’RE MINE -

Summary: While you daydreamed about his face an ocean apart, he had no idea what yours was about to do to him. With a twist of fate and the heat of summer, a new relationship would completely ransack his heart - Everyday heavy with the thought of one another, neither of you were going to let the unexpected love of your life go. You were going to be his, you were his, and you were going to stay his.

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) mentions of pregnancy, love bombing, occasionally sad, kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: I hope you like it! There will definitely be more parts (don’t know how many just yet though.)

INDEX

Chapter 26 - ‘You’re Mine’

You sat at the kitchen island in your house and you felt like your eyes were going to close. You felt so bored. They would start to flutter and Trent would press a kiss to your temple in an attempt to keep you awake. There were so many logistics with these types of things it was exhausting but it was important so you tried to listen your best leaning your head onto Trent’s arm for stability. Tyler talked and talked calling lawyers, PR, the club, it took ages but you were really involved in this one. In fact, this media blitz was pretty much only about you, it actually barely involved Trent, he was collateral damage, Tyler was only being nice and helping you and to be honest you were so grateful he was. The British media pumped out articles profiling you, deep diving into your relationship, digging into your past. You wondered what Trent thought about all the headlines.

‘Y/N L/N is Mrs.Merseyside; Meet The American Dating The Liverpool Star’

‘Meet American Beauty Y/N; Trent Alexander-Arnold’s Long Term Girlfriend Finally Revealed’

‘Liverpool Love Story; A Look into Trent Alexander-Arnold’s Relationship’

‘All The Things You Need to Know About Liverpool’s It Couple’

‘International Romance; Everything About The American Dating The English Right Back’

The articles were filled with screenshots of your recently exposed Instagram feed’s posts and stories. Nothing was inherently bad but it was your personal life being publicized. It was hard not to feel like every pore of yours wasn’t being scrutinized. Photos of you plastered across the internet chronicling your entire relationship. A video of Trent blowing his standard kiss to you at Anfield was profiled as ‘An Inside Look at Trent Alexander-Arnold’s PreMatch Ritual,’ singing in the car with Marcel was turned into ‘Every Song Y/N L/N Has Been Listening To,’ photos holding hands with Trent at dinners made into a gallery of ‘Where WAGs Eat in Liverpool,’ gifts he had given you compiled into guides ‘Shop the gifts Liverpool FC’s girlfriend’s have been loving.’ It all was harmless content and just normal life to you but people were fascinated seeing the inside. Some storylines though caused more of a stir than others. It was last summer when you laid out in the back garden in a tiny pink bikini, Trent was outside as well with a trainer of his doing some workouts. During a break, he jogged over to you laying his head on your ass. Your eyebrows raised and you turned your head with a smirk trying to look back knowing it was him.

“Excuse me?!?” You feigned annoyance feeling the stubble of his facial hair on your barely covered ass.

“You look so good, baby. It’s distracting…” he cooed. You picked up your phone and turned the camera to yourself so you could see him more. Enamored with the image, you took a video. You could see the top half of your face, the backside of your body, and Trent’s beautiful smiling face pressed against you. He looked up and clocked the camera on him so in true form he decided to be annoying and bit onto your ass cheek jokingly.

“Hello!?” You yelped. “Leave me alone… go back to your work out!” You yelled, wiggling a little giggling. He just laughed and kissed the skin he bit before getting back up. You posted the video on your story with text ‘lfc please come get your man he’s starting to bother me.’

Another headline: ‘Summer Snack; Trent Alexander-Arnold got cheeky during his last Summer holiday’ Some people thought it was crude, others thought it was cute, regardless it was people seeing real glimpses into your life at home. Although it wasn’t just your life that seemed to have a magnifying glass on it. The media found what your dad did for work, your sister’s instagram, your university, your moms friends… It felt like a full investigation of you all in an effort to get closer to Trent.

You opened your phone and pulled up your Instagram and looked at the new number of followers you were so unfamiliar with. You were shocked at the amount of people that had seen your face, that had read your name, that were able to scroll back to 2020 when you posted that stupid picture of you and Lauren on Holiday now.

“The big question is what you want to do about it…” Tyler looked at you with a sly smile, a little excited to see what you were going to say.

“Yeah, baby. What are ya thinking?” Trent asked you lacing his fingers with yours before picking your hand up with his to press a kiss to the back of it. You bit your smile about his affection back not loving the brothers keen interest levels.

“What are my options?” You hushly asked, a little shy. Tyler explained to you that either you could just keep the account private, you could make it public again, or you could delete the profile, and a few other choices. You thought for a minute about what you wanted but stared down at your pale pink manicured nails, your ‘TAA’ ring, swiping through your feed. You smiled seeing a picture you posted of Anfield after your first visit you thought was subtle at the time but was now being dug up as ‘evidence’ to timestamp the beginning of your relationship. The slightly amusing thing was you had posted images of trips to Liverpool before you had taken with your dad so people were very confused, it made you laugh a little. It reminded you though how at the end of the day it was still your life. “I think I want to just make it public again.” You turned your head to Trent. His face was a little shocked but his mouth started to pull into a soft smile. Tyler rolled his bottom lip intrigued but indifferent.

“Well… okay then, public it is. Sound.” He laughed a little and you smiled at him. You would have to be a little bit more conscientious now when posting but you were okay with that. Trent was giving you a full grin now. You combed through the profile again and deleted a few things, cleaned it up a little bit but when you were done you still were sitting next to Trent and you looked up at him, pressing a kiss to his arm. He turned his head to you and gave you a curious look.

“You want to do it?” You smiled at him and he pulled your stool a little closer to his, wrapped his arm around your waist, and slid your phone on the island towards himself. He looked at you, holding eye contact as he reached for your phone and turned off the privacy, opening your life and your relationship to the public. He kissed your lips and you hummed.

“Almost as many followers as me…” Trent teased goofily, you were not even close to his millions so it was cute and funny. You kissed his forehead jumping up from your seat.

“Food? What do you two want?” You hopped off walking around the island to the fridge. You made a little something and ate lunch with Trent and Tyler out in the back garden as you told him about the holiday in Greece. You and Trent both purposely skipped over the encounter with Chase. Probably better to not bring up another fire Tyler could’ve had to put out. It was a while later when the conversation veered into a topic you were less interested in. You told the boys you needed to shower, excusing yourself. You stood up and thanked Tyler for his help with a hug. Trent got up and gave you a sloppy kiss, engulfing you in his tight embrace, swaying your body left to right with his. His brother actively tried to ignore you two but unlike him, you were fully engaged in the departing kiss. It left you giddy and feeling incredibly in love. A smile was glued to your face. Trent just had a way to make your heartbeat a little faster, your cheeks warm, your brain turn into a mushy school girl with a crush. You skipped up the stairs inside. You got to your bedroom and peeled your clothes off over your head and jumped in the shower. When you finished, the shower had washed just about everything down the drain but that silly childish smile. That… that managed to stay on you and you hoped it would for the rest of your life. You looked into the bathroom mirror applying your skincare delicately when your phone rang. It was a FaceTime call from Lauren. You had a serum in the palm of your hand while the sound of your phone echoed in the room, you glided the product onto your skin quickly, your now sticky hands making for an awkward finger trying to hit ‘answer’ but you managed.

“Hey influencer!” She greeted you joking about the rise of your Instagram following. She didn’t know you had finally accepted your new fate so she was trying to make you feel a little better with her typical humor which you appreciated.

“Shut up” you giggled. You smiled at her curiously trying to see her surroundings to deduce if she actually made it to Jude’s and if so, what she was currently wearing.

“You look pretty, what are you doing?” She asked you while trying to divert your attention with a compliment because she knew you were going to ask about her current trip. You told her you were doing literally nothing with a smug face letting her know the question was coming.

“Any updates for me from Madrid? I’d love some entertainment…” you cooed while still maintaining your smugness and curiosity.

“I'm here… You knew that though.” She feigned an annoyance shutting her eyes trying to hide the satisfaction of her current location. She sat up against a headboard. Her bare shoulders and collarbones came into view.

“I did, whatya wearing right now Laur.” You joked, raising your eyebrows. You loved hearing about Lauren’s nights. You lived vicariously through her for all the years you’ve known her. You were more than satisfied with your own sex life, in fact it was currently heating up and you couldn’t get enough but Lauren’s life just always has some comedic element or a sliver more of drama that was incredibly enjoyable.

“Yes, I’m naked. Yes, I’m in his bed. No, he isn’t here right now. I was calling to see how you were holding up though.” She rolled her eyes at your inquiry so she preemptively answered all the questions she knew you would ask. It made you giggle. You missed having these conversations laying in your apartments together back in New York but FaceTimes in exchange for finding the love of your life seemed okay and she understood.

“Sheesh! This could’ve been a very fun conversation but fine, I get it. Anyways, yes, I’m holding up. I am a ‘public’ account now.” You air quoted the word. You were laughing still a little from her already knowing all the things you wanted to ask.

“You were ‘public’ before” She mocked your air quotes. “Stop being dramatic. You’re acting like the world knowing you have a hot professional athlete as your boyfriend is a bad thing…” She teased with a goofy smile. Lauren had a roundabout way of always reminding you just how perfect Trent was for you. You returned the smile pretty content remembering the facts about it all.

“No I'm not!” You yelped out trying to defend yourself. “It is a big deal! I've gone under the radar for almost two years!” You kept trying to explain giggling a little. You tried to allude to the fact that you successfully avoided your name being leaked for years.

“Y/N… no one thinks you went under the radar. You were papped and published. That’s not normal.” She laughed. “Like.. girl… T is just entertaining your nativity to keep you sane. You’re out there Mrs. Merseyside.” Lauren made fun of the headline thinking keeping your name hidden meant no one talked about you, no one photographed you and Trent, all in good humor of course.

“You’re stressing me out. He does not, he supports me! I thought I’d just make everything public now and see what happens.” You shrugged with a smile trying to ignore her very real.

“When did I say he doesn’t support you!? Post a pic together on your anniversary and we’ll see what happens. Want to place another wager?” She kept laughing at the banter.

“No… no, I do not want to place a wager.” You chuckled remembering how quickly she had lost the last bet you made. “Also… it sounds like you wouldn’t mind the world knowing about you and the athlete’s bed you're in.” You teased smuggly reminding her of her current status.

“Absolutely not! This…” she gestured around herself in the bed. “He and I… this is purely fun, and sexy, and good, and my private little escapade. I don’t want to be like you in a serious relationship and I certainly don’t want strangers criticizing me for it. I don’t know how you do it.” She looked at you with a soft smile.

“Wow… thank you.” You laughed but then settled. “You would handle it a lot better I’m sure.” You spoke to her honestly. You worried about how you responded to the publicity of your life but more so, really worried about Trent’s perception about how you did and the media's opinion of you. You wondered if he cared what they thought… If he thought of you differently and took into consideration what was said.

“You handle it great. You're amazing, promise.” Lauren’s voice broke you out of your mini spiral quick. The conversation went on and you gabbed about life and what you had coming up on the horizon including the baby you were now dying to have.

After a few days acclimating back to home life you found yourself sitting crossed legged on the floor of your home gym on a yoga mat. You stared up at Trent running on a treadmill shirtless. He looked… well, he looked glorious. His skin was glistening, his muscles tensed and his sweat dripped down his abs slowly it put you in a state of shock. You thought you actually might drool but you restrained yourself and just watched him move perfectly, it was incredibly hot.

“Are you just going to stare?” He turned his head mid stride with a smug smile at you. You licked your lips slow before returning the smile then biting your lip some when he exhaled a breath. His breathing shouldn’t have been sexy but it was. The way his chest rose and fell. “You’re making it hard to focus. I have a few more miles, baby.” He said this just as you spread your legs out wide, leaning over and stretching your arms out to reach one of your foot’s toes. With your body bent over, your boobs in your sports bra pressed into your thigh. He groaned and you giggled. Trent had a hard time concentrating on anything but your tits currently. You noticed his breathing got a little heavier, his eyes followed your movements through the mirror in front of him with a serious look on his face. You got up slowly and did an unnecessary lunge to ‘stretch’ pushing your ass out. The pair of shorts you were in barely covered anything.

“Baby… I’m gonna ask you to stop until I’m done because I’m having a really hard time right now.” Between the mid run exhaustion and his dick starting to get hard his body was getting overwhelmed and a little confused. You giggled and picked up your water and took a sip. Trent watched you swallow and he shut his eyes imagining what else you swallow. He tried to look forward but now you were enjoying the teasing so you ‘accidentally’ spilled the water all down yourself. The beads of water cascaded down your boobs and chest. You looked at your skin and watched the droplets run before you flicked your eyes up at him. You gave him a flirty smile when he just about slammed the stop button on the machine. He got off the machine and you took a step back a little surprised. “Alright, enough.” He said sternly as he came and gripped your jaw. You gasped at his body so close to yours with a greedy smile coming over your face.

“You look hot, all sweaty, T.” You moved your hands up his abs, your hands slid easily up his wet skin.

Trent left open mouthed kisses all over your skin. You sighed feeling him on you. You brought his face up to your falling into a sorry kiss. Trent sat back onto a bench pulling you in between his legs before you came to straddle over him, his lips never left yours continuing your explosive kiss. He smacked your ass and you jolted forward with a gasp. One by one your clothing items started to peel off.

“Gonna be a good girl now and listen to me?” He whispered leaning to your ear kissing behind it before light squeezing his hard around your back. He let go though and both his hands slid around your body to cup your ass, massaging it, eliciting a moan from you. You teased him by pressing your wet core down on his length. You felt his cock twitch under you when you rolled your hips. Trent pulled his head back at the feeling. You dropped your hands on his shoulders and grinded on his lap dragging your pussy down his throbbing cock. He squeezed your ass tighter in anticipation and you let out a gasp. He seized the moment sliding his tongue into your mouth. Hearing him call you a good girl had you getting wetter and clenching around nothing. The only thing on your mind now was him inside you, the way his lips felt on yours, his fingers sliding to your clit.

“Please fuck me, baby.” You whined causing Trent to smile smug. He lined his cock up with your entrance but kept you hovering above him, not allowing you to sit down.

“Tell me how bad you need my cock, beautiful.” You could feel your pussy throb as he teased you.

“Please, please, please.” You begged him to fuck you whimpering.

“Such a good girl f’me.” He cooed as you sank down. He stretched you perfectly. You breathed slowly as he filled you. He held his same smug grin watching the pleasure on your face. “Fuck, just like that, baby.” He was enjoying watching you but his own feelings had him struggling to keep his eyes from rolling back. As you grinded on his cock Trent knew this was a feeling he could never replace. His hands slid up your waist to grip your tits as they bounced with every movement.

“Oh fuck, T. You feel so good.” You moaned out loving every second of this. You dug your nails into his shoulders, leaving crescent shaped marks on his brown sweaty skin below you. He thrusted into you faster, loving the feeling. You groaned when his fingers slipped down to rub harsh figure eights around your clit.

“Aw, baby, you like that, huh?” He whispered close to your ear between heavy breaths. “You love when I fuck your pussy?” He was right. You did. You loved the way he felt inside you. You loved the drag of his throbbing cock. You couldn’t think straight anymore. You loved it so much so you nodded desperately at him. Trent loved how much you loved it. That he could get you completely submissive and dumb for his cock. You’d do anything to have him pumping in and out of your pussy.

You scratched your nails up his back as he thrusted into you. The pleasurable pain of the ferocity had you both nearly drooling and babbling at how perfect it felt. The knot in your stomach grew tighter and tighter as he was harshly bouncing you up and down on him.

“I’m so close, oh my god! You moaned. He shook his head. You looked so desperate. Trent slid his hand back up to your back and choked you lightly looking at you with a stern face.

“Don’t cum until I say so, not allowed baby.” Sweat and your juices mixed together leaking off you onto Trent. It was messy, wet, and really hot. You tried to maintain your rhythm but started to get sloppy. You were so close to your release. “Cum all over this cock, let go for me, cum for me.” He barely could get the words out before it was muffled by your moan. White hot pleasure ran through you as you came gripping onto his hair. “I’m gonna cum. Fuck! Take it like a good girl, yeah?” You continued to orgasm, washing over you hard and slow as you spasmed around his cock causing his release. Trent pumped you full of his cum. He coated your walls with a thick hot load. It all was a blur until your highs rolled to a stop. He stayed inside you letting his cum leak out between his cock and your pussy. He slid off the bench onto the floor exhausted with you in his lap. He leaned his back onto the bench. You just let yourselves pant out the remainder of your energy in slow languid breaths before you slumped into laying on the floor. You didn’t say anything for a while, comfortable in each other's embrace. Trent laughed a little suddenly breathily kissing your neck repeatedly. Your cheeks filled with warmth.

“Hell of a workout, baby.” You giggled at his remark. He laughed hearing the sound. You laid on the floor of the gym stuck to his body a little sticky. You looked over at his flush face completely in love. He was so perfect. You hummed stroking your hand over his abs. His toned body under the recessed lighting looked god-like.

“Want to have people over tonight, baby?” You cooed looking at him switching the topic. It wasn’t uncommon for you to have friends over. It was always fun, you liked to play host so it was nice and Trent enjoyed being social in the comfort of your home. You were both reserved and quiet but if it was people you knew it was a good time.

“Erm… yeah, that could be fun.” He looked at you with a small smile. He brushed his hand over the leg you had thrown over him. You both were still breathing heavily, chests rising and falling. Your skin was warm and soft and if it was humanly possible he found himself falling more in love with you laying there. “Should we get off the gym floor first, baby?” He asked, turning to look at you with a glimmer in his eyes.

“Please…” you whined giggling. “This is so gross.” He beamed seeing you smile and only amplified it when he started to tickle you. “T. Stop! You said we were getting up!” You yelped out squirming.

“They just cleaned down here, relax...” He tried to ration with you. He hovered over you now with his hands next to your head propping himself up but once the laughter settled down he dropped his body gently onto yours and laid there. He just about knocked the wind out of you despite the attempt to be gentle.

“You’re heavy.” You grunted out with a childish smile being crushed by his weight.

“And you’re the love of my life.” He cooed ignoring your comment leaving himself on top of you. Kissing your face.

“Samsies” you giggled out knowing it would irk him. Trent didn’t love when you wouldn’t take his admissions about feelings to heart. He gave you an unimpressed look. “You’re the love of my life too obviously.” You gave him a big cheesy grin but it was wiped quickly when he came in for another kiss.

“You’re not going anywhere.” He pulled away from the kiss and looked down at you. He rolled off you over to your side before pulling your body flush against his.

“I don’t want to.” You smiled at him pressing a kiss to his bare skin. “I like it right here.” You told him happily.

“Oh yeah? On the floor of the gym?” He teased, recalling your attention to how gross this was but you didn’t care he was beautiful inside and out and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.

“Rather be here with you then somewhere else without you” nuzzling in further to him. His arms pulled you tight to his chest. He kissed your forehead but started laughing.

“That’s such bullshit Y/N” His chest vibrated with the sound. It was the most perfect noise. You giggled with him for a moment but it subsided into a calmness content just under each other's touch again.

“You smell good.” You broke the comfortable silence whispering out your thoughts. You didn’t really think before you spoke but you genuinely really liked the way he smelt right now. You were so close to him and he smelled so good.

“I just worked out and had sex… what are you on about?” The laughter started up again. He shook his head at your honest confession. “You're actually disgusting.” He said peeling your body off him, distancing himself teasingly.

“No… I just love you that much!” Grabbing at his body as he kept moving away from you. He stepped further away from you getting up and threw on the shorts he had on earlier. “C’mere!” You yelled trying to get closer to him again.

“Nah, not having that. That’s gross.” He teased as he made his way towards the door, starting to walk out of the room without you. An uncontrolled pout formed on your face. You couldn’t believe he would walk out. Your pout disappeared though when he turned around suddenly jogging back to you. “You think I’d leave you here. C’mon!” He grunted picking you up. “Let’s go shower, yeah? I know you’re freaking out how dirty you are right now.” He pressed a kiss against your skin. He was right, leaving your orgasmic haze you felt very gross at the fact you just had sex in there.

After your shower you laid on the couch cuddled with Trent; happy and clean. It started to get late and you probably needed to get the house together before people came over but at the moment you were pretty happy where you were.

“Marce is on his way.” Trent hummed in a soft tone. You nodded at him, not budging from your current place in his arms. Trent had ordered dinner for you all. You started to get hungry and you were starting to get curious what he had ordered, usually you were in charge of meals.

“What did you get for dinner, baby?” You tapped at his chest, as you asked looking up into his big brown eyes. A warm smile came over his face.

“Went with a Chinese… It's off season, beautiful.” He laughed a little giddy and excited with his choice for your dinner.

“Yummmm” you hummed with a wet kiss to his neck. It made you happy when anything made him happy so if it was a Chinese you’d take it.

“You’re yum…” he joked, tilting your chin up to him for a kiss. The kiss spiraled. It was messy, wet, and desperate. You were gasping in between kisses. Your tongues in each other's mouths dancing.

“You’re gorgeous, do you know that?” You pulled away from the kiss. Looking at him in awe. He hummed, grabbing your body. You were flush up against him. You could feel him getting hard again. His hands slid under your clothes and you practically moaned at the feeling.

“But is it necessary all the time? When we aren’t here… what goes on? Actually don’t fucking answer that.” Marcel spoke walking into the living room. You and Trent stopped for a moment. Giddy and breathing heavily. He rolled his eyes at you two and walked to the kitchen mocking you. “You’re hot. No, you’re hot.” He mumbled. When the food finally arrived, you and Trent joined him. You opted to sit in the dining room to be adults despite eating your Chinese takeaway. Hey, it was off season!

“What do you want to drink?” You cooed, standing up from the table. Trent and Marcel answered with their respective drinks so you skipped off back to the kitchen to grab them. You came back shortly with drinks in hand. “Here you go.” Sliding them on the table before pressing a kiss to Trent’s hair.

“Thanks mum!” They said in unison. You rolled your eyes at them unamused but sat anyway to enjoy your food. You ate and talked and talked and ate. A little while later Marcel filled you in about his evening plans.

“I invited two girls tonight” he slipped into the conversation subtly when you were talking about who you had texted to come over. You grabbed Trent’s thigh slyly under the table shocked. Your eyes widened with a silly grin.

“Two?” Trent asked curiously as he came to hold your hand on his leg with a tight squeeze.

“Do you need two?” You giggled, raising your eyebrows at him. You weren’t judging but you were definitely amused.

“Is one not sufficient?” Trent joked, joining you with a laugh. Marcel stayed impartial, still happy with his decision to dole out the invitations.

“See where the night takes me” he told you both smugly.

“Under my roof!?!” You yelled kidding standing up feigning outrage.

“You don’t even pay rent, baby.” Trent teased you lightheartedly pinching at your waist as you stood next to him. You sat down in a huff and furrowed your brows at him. He pressed a kiss to your cheek. You’d love to pretend like you were angry or annoyed at his cheek but it was funny and you liked the kiss.

“Bro, no…” Marcel started laughing “that’s such a vio. Y/N you’re going to let him talk to you like that ‘under your roof.’” He mocked you. All three of you were in a fit of laughter. You moved yourself to the back garden with drinks to hang out till more people arrived for tonight. The sun started to go down and the fairy lights that hung outside over the pool and patio warmed the space. The orange hue in the dark night made you appreciate having such a happy beautiful home.

The night went on and friends piled into your garden. You had gone in the pool for a while with a few people but you stepped out slowly finally when you noticed your hands started to prune. Unintentionally, you grabbed attention and turned heads and Trent was not excluded from that group. He watched the water drip off your body and he could feel the blood rush to his cock. You promised him you’d be in bikinis after Greece and god dammit you were going to serve in one. Trent was infatuated but he also knew you. He knew you wanted him to look at you so just to tease he pretended not to watch and focus on his phone. When you finally stepped all the way out you looked for him and furrowed your brow thinking that he hadn’t even glanced at you on display. You were a little disappointed. You dabbed at the water still on your skin with a towel. Your eyes locked on your target. You walked up to Trent laying on a lounge chair. You strutted over and he knew you were but he let you come to him. When you reached him he didn’t pick his head up stubbornly so you squeezed his foot.

“Yes?” He looked up at you with a smug smile unphased.

“Hi…” you said with heart eyes. “Can I come sit?” You cooed, squeezing his foot again.

“Baby… you’re soaked.” He laughed a little as you walked up the side of his chair. You giggled and purposely adjusted your bikini top in front of him. Pushing your boobs together then letting them drop and bounce a tad.

“I thought you liked when I was wet.” You cheekily said back fairly quiet just for him to hear. You gave him a sultry smile and he rolled his eyes and threw his head to the side some.

“Yeah, go on. C’mere sweet girl.” He caved immediately under your gaze gesturing you over. You sat down on the chair. His touch on his body gave you goosebumps. He pulled you to lay on him. You got comfortable immediately and laid there with your head to his bare chest. Your bikini clad body pressed on top of him. His big hands stroked up and down your back. You looked out at people mingling dazed as thoughts swirled in your head.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Trent cooed his thumb running over your spine. He pressed his lips to your hair. You paused knowing what was on your mind kind of scared you but you spoke anyway trusting him.

“Don’t know. Sometimes it just feels scary being so lucky. Like to have everything you wanted, you know?” You whispered to his chest. He smiled at how cute you were.

“And what did you want?” He whispered back into your hair paired with another kiss.

“You… our life, this house, it’s all just surreal.” He hummed understanding you but you still were a little nervous trying to explain. You felt a cool summer breeze and it sent a shiver up your spine. He pulled you closer to him. His warm hands soothing you.

“You know it’s not luck, baby. It’s a lot of love.” You giggled at his cheesiness. You slapped his chest jokingly.

“Is it what you wanted?” You asked him curious if it ever ran in his mind how scary it was when things were going well.

“It’s everything I ever wanted. I would give up everything I’ve every had just to have you. That’d be enough for me.” He mused with a big smile on his face. He sure was cheesy but he also wasn’t lying. He really just only needed you.

“You wouldn’t last a day… Mr. Silk Pillowcase.” You teased him, running your hand up his chest up to scratch his scalp pulling on his hair.

“You bought them for me but regardless of your teasing… it would be enough for me. You’re enough for me” He was serious. You felt the same. You only needed each other. “And maybe a baby.” He said it and you rethought your sentiment. Well, you only needed each other, sure, but adding some-tiny-body else to your little family could only make you that much happier.

“We’re working on that though.” You giggled as he squeezed your ass pressing a kiss to your neck. You purred feeling his lips. Everything about the current moment was dream worthy. The way his hand moved up your skin, the way his lips moved on you, the scent of him encased you, the warmth of his body under you, the feeling of his dick beneath your core, the warm light on his face, his big eyes gazing into yours. He was an absolute dream. He was your absolute dream.

•

Thank you for continuing reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter / series … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 27 xx

[oopsallfictives]

I want to tell you a story about one of my headmates. It's about competing needs, and the harm we can do if we assert that one type of accessibility is inherently and always more important than another. It's also a story about typing quirks, and if you can't read a story like that with an open mind, this is your chance to scroll past and leave us be

Terezi is fictive of Terezi Pyrope from Homestuck. Because of that, SH3 TYP3S L1K3 TH1S (plain text: she types like this). Obviously, this isn't compatible with the use of a screenreader. A lot of our Homestuck fictives prefer to use their typing quirks, but will use plain text in settings where there might be people who use screenreaders, or where the use of typing quirks is banned. Not Terezi, though

It's not because they're stubborn, or because they don't understand the importance of screenreaders, it's because it's a genuine need for them. When she tries to type "normally", it causes distress and dissociation, because the words don't feel like she's the one typing them unless she's allowed to type them in her quirk. We've tried to find ways to accommodate them, like I did above by providing a plain text version, but that's not always practical or possible, and she can't write the plain text versions herself. There's a reason she's not the one telling you this story

In a lot of online system spaces, it's become the norm to discourage or outright ban the use of typing quirks because they're incompatible with screenreaders. The idea is that people can just not use their quirks, while people can't opt out of needing a screenreader, but that's not true for everyone. Yes, some typing quirks are incompatible with screenreaders, so when people use them their messages aren't accessible to anyone who relies on a screenreader. And yeah, that's an issue, but the solution can't be that no one gets to use typing quirks. When you ban them, you're still making your space inaccessible, just to a different group of people

When one of the plural discord servers we're in banned the use of typing quirks, we negotiated a method of translating Terezi's messages into plain text that the mods agreed to, but the damage was already done. They stopped coming up to front, stopped talking to people outside the system entirely. They're close friends with three of the people I'm in a relationship with, and yet I haven't seen them in months. If I hadn't asked her permission to write this, who knows when I would've seen her next?

And when I did ask, she burst into tears and asked me to please write it because she can't do it herself. Even if they got to do it entirely in their typing quirk they still couldn't tell their story because they're scared it'll get hate sent our way, and I'll be the one who has to deal with it. She also has a lot of shame about this part of her, because she's been told it's unreasonable and selfish for her to type in her quirk. If you can't understand why that's a problem, imagine being told you're making a space inaccessible just by talking in your natural voice

This is a competing needs issue. There are spaces where people who need screenreaders and people who need to be allowed to use their typing quirks will be coexisting, and that's going to be a tricky thing to handle. But you don't solve a competing needs issue by saying "one of you gets your needs met and the other has to leave". But people don't take typing quirks seriously as a genuine need, they don't see them as an accessibility issue. So when they come up against screenreaders, most people think it's obvious that screenreaders should be prioritized 100% of the time

But when everyone's saying that your needs aren't genuine and you aren't allowed to just do what you need to without worrying about another person's needs (but they're allowed to do that to you), that eats at you. It eats at your self-esteem. The overwhelming message Terezi's gotten is "you're never allowed to put your own needs above the needs of others, and if you do we might punish your entire system for it". No wonder she stopped talking

I don't know if there's a single specific message we want you to take away from this, but if nothing else we'd like to say something to people whose accessibility needs are repeatedly deemed unimportant or less important. You're allowed to put yourself first. You're allowed to say "I can't worry about other people's needs right now, I'm going to do what I need to". You're allowed to be upset when other people treat you like shit for doing that, too. And it's not your fault that you have a need that other people don't take seriously

PL34S3 T4K3 C4R3 OF YOURS3LV3S

(Plain text: please take care of yourselves)

-Oliver (he/him) and Terezi (she/they)

[genderkoolaid]

What do you think about the concept of "since kink and porn is an art form, you should be able to critique it like an artform" (but like, with actual critique rather than just kink-phobia AND ALSO don't critique someone's specific piece of art if they didn't ask you to, like we're still applying the basic rules of art critique to this).

In the same way you would examine and criticize someone animating a character saying something violently transphobic, you would criticize someone for making violently transphobic porn. (Of course there is nuance to this, just because a character says something violently transphobic doesn't mean the creator is transphobic in that and same with violent transphobic porn)

But I guess in order to get to that point, we need to get past the "it's not morally pure" and "you're gross for liking that" type shit in order to do that in a healthy way. Because I believe there is a healthy and honest way to critique porn and what kind of message people are putting out into the world with porn (oddly enough, porn can be used as propaganda), but I don't think we as a society are ready to do that with the current state of puritanism.

I would say, one, that kink =/= porn. I think it makes sense to critique porn like an artform, but kinky sex in private is, y'know, private, so it would be weird to try and artistically critique someone's sex life. Not all kink exists for public consumption & it private kink shouldn't be judged like its inherently meant to be consumed by the public. Porn, on the other hand, is meant to be viewed (for purposes of arousal), and that includes kinky porn. (Also, we can critique the way people do kink, but I don't think that should be compared to how art is critiqued yk? Like there's a difference between artistically critiquing movies about sports and critiquing the way sports are played. And when it comes to interpersonal relationships it should really be left to people actually involved in the situation since they know their needs best.)

I definitely think there's merit in critiquing porn in an artistic sense. But it definitely has to be done from a perspective outside of "this is depicting a Bad Thing and making it seem like a Good Thing, therefore its Bad." Personally, I think more should be done to emphasize the kink aspect of kink- a lot of CNC porn removes the context of kink, which is extremely important for not only engaging in but just understanding CNC. If you listen to people who have rape kinks & engage with them in healthy ways, its very clear that part of the arousal is the fact that its in a kinky context, and the knowledge that you either have power taken away or are given power based on mutual trust. I said this before in another post but I think a lot of the negative things attributed to kinky porn itself comes from people consuming it without having any kink education to put that porn in context. But this has to come alongside systemic changes to how we approach kink and sex in general, and make it easier for people to get educated about these things in an open way. I very strongly feel that we should have some kind of at least surface level kink education in sex ed- by "surface level" I mean, at the very least, getting the concepts of "scene" "safeword" "soft/hard limits" "SSC/RACK" "aftercare" etc. into the general consciousness.

Anyways, the point is that if your critique only goes as deep as "this makes rape seem good, and thats harmful!" then its not a very good critique. But something like "the choking method used is dangerous and shouldn't be encouraged" or "this video showed the discussion of safewords and limits before the actual scene, which emphasis that its a scene & encourages good communication" could be very helpful.

But also, why limit porn critique to that? I wanna see people writing articles about the camera angles & the talents of the performers.

[evelynpr]

How IN LOVE are the Genshin cast with the Traveler? An ANALYSIS of the cast's affinity for them based on voice lines, events and other media!

This goes for both Aether and Lumine, and even Paimon occasionally for the friendship/family tier! If there is anyone or smth I missed please feel free to add I love studying character relationships!!! Of course you are free to interpret these differently, or see it as "something more" if you wish hehe ;)

Lowest Tier : Friendly-er

These characters are here because they are not the type to have many friends, but traveler is special to them, not romantically

Raiden Ei - I interpret their relationship as one that is trying to build a stable friendship, but still recovering from past events slowly. Ei has done a lot of harm both directly and indirectly at the traveler, but has gone through the events of the quest to re-center herself in which the Traveler helped greatly. Deeply thankful is what I'm lead to believe, but casual is still iffy because of Ei's acts of cutting off all close connections in the past.

Shenhe - She is very protective of the traveler, because they were her earliest friends (yes Paimon too) and her story does revolve around her learning to fight for others (I find their friendship very sweet, but not romantic at all since Shenhe has a much longer way to go in understanding social relationships) (I'm kinda surprised I've never seen someone ship this romantically actually-)

Diluc - Definition of a Gentleman when it comes to the traveler. He always offers his support, gives his hand-picked grape juice to them for free, etc. He always sees them in high regard and trusts them greatly (but you could probably say he does the same for Kaeya, Jean, Adelinde, Elzer, basically anyone he sees as family)

Ningguang - She says herself that she keeps her friends few because of the dangers her enemies pose on those who are close to her, but as Liyue's protector she puts great trust in the traveler. Her hangout imo shows that she generally trusts us more than a business partner but as a friend (very wholesome, but nothing more than that and that's cool!)

Razor - Traveler is Lupical. Razor is inherently very protective of the people he cares about because of feeling like he failed to protect his lupical in the past (I believe that's the story behind his vision). So obviously it is not romantic, but his interactions with the Traveler, Paimon, his family and friends are just so special and heartwarming especially in his latest event (SO SWEET I LOVE FOUND FAMILY)

!! SPOILER FOR WANDERER'S STORY QUEST !!

Scaramouche/Wanderer/babygirl/whatever you named him - He clearly doesn't have that many companions (or even any at all), even less those who he shows any sign of vulnerability to. Personally I see it as one of the most interesting traveler relationships in the game yet because they both do not fully trust each other, nor fully accept the other as a friend, but because of him revealing his trauma and past to him, and also the traveler also revealing a part of their own mind and longing, they have an understanding of each other like no one else does. (I do not see this as romantic, but more like a camaraderie which may lead to a deeper connection in the future)

Side note: Most of the playable cast are friends with the traveler, I point out these people specifically because they don't show vulnerability often, or already have other of friends so these relationships have another level of importance to the character.

Middle Tier : Flirty~

These guys are sweet talkers, may or may not be into the traveler

Kaeya - He kinda just talks like that if you ask me. He genuinely cares for the traveler and the other Knights and his family, but his language is just one of the ways he puts on his persona (As Razor would put it, his "fake smile")

Lisa - "Hey cutie-" makes me feel things, ok. Other than that though, nothing tells me she's into the traveler any more than a flirty way? I mean she appreciates them for their skills and support but I think it ends there?

Kazuha - man is a sweet talker honestly. Of course he also cares for the traveler deeply, but his poetic and colorful language is from his own nature, and the traveler generally has a special presence (His language IS very pretty if you ask me haha) (I feel some would say its more *suggestive* than others so that's up to you already lmao)

If there's anyone else you think has a rather *flavorful* way of speaking to the traveler, please do let me know :> If you think these have deeper meaning though, that would be interesting

Above Average Tier : Very sweet, could be something more?

Pseudo-canon material (the comics and hangouts are great man)

Thoma - You give him flowers in his hangout, and in another ending he gives you his omamori which is very sentimental to him. Thoma is generally an incredibly sweet person, so interpret it as you please haha <3

Heizou - This is pretty romantic if you ask me (depending on your taste). He keeps saying how much he wants you to be his "partner" (technically in the investigation sense), and has dialogue about how he feels comfortable around you, it's very sweet and has potential. Not to mention "Traveler, you are so dreamy~" (I swear this guy is 80% fanservice but do you see people complaining?)

Noelle - Her hangout was really adorable, it had a very innocent and young long vibe throughout it and it's just cuteness overload :> (What I would call a babyship)

Childe - Chilumi (not counting Aether) is basically canon in one of the side comedy comics, but in game, it's implied they do battle for fun, traveler does still keep their guard up around him, but his story quest shows he puts great trust in the traveler despite their differences.

Highest Tier : VERY interested, in love even

These are all in game, and pretty canon events (Teapot lines may still be questioned on how canon they are, but further reinforce the mindsets and affinity for the traveler these characters have) (of course it still has headcanon and my own stupid simp heart but bear with me okay?)

Albedo - He always talks abt how interested he is in you (not just scientifically anymore lmao), and suggested for you to live (totally not with him) in Dragonspine. He also trusts them more than others quite explicitly. He is, I believe, deeply enamored by them because of their kindness, strength, intelligence and reliability because the traveler is the person he is most comfortable with. They are the reason he wants to interact with others more as well (Shadows Amidst Snowstorms +Teapot highlights this). The teapot lines are just the icing on the cake, man is making a MOVE on the traveler for REAL by asking him out and showing how he wants to spend more time with them.

Xiao - I feel like despite how common this pair is, it's quite overlooked just how much Xiao trusts and admires the traveler. Xiao is very sensitive about people calling him by his name to use it to control him (that is what his old master did to him) so the fact that he tells only the traveler (not just suggest mind you) to call him anywhere anytime using HIS NAME, are massive displays of vulnerability, trust and protectiveness. (I believe that protection is his main way of showing affection because others are currently an anomaly to him) Xiao also both literally and emotionally feels a calming presence around them because of their healing ability and kindness. He also just can't say no to them, and wants to understand the traveler more even if it means in partaking in "dumb human activities"

Ayaka - She sees so much freedom and beauty in the traveler it is so sweet, and it's quite obvious how much she wants to spend time and be closer with the traveler emotionally (maybe I am just a simp but please she is so tender and sincere) It is also mentioned repeatedly how much she talks about them in very high regard. Once again the teapot lines are just the sugary coat on top with "May I...hold your hand?" being one of them (I screamed like I just won 50/50 in one pull with that line)

!! SMALL SPOILER TO WANDERER'S STORY QUEST !!

The old lady of the Kamisato Estate also mentions how thrilled Ayaka is every time they're around, and also talked about how talented and admirable they are. She also implied that they are Ayaka's "Knight in Shining Armor" and that she talks about them all the time. Idk if you need anymore convincing at this point of how much Ayaka likes the traveler after that.

SIDE NOTE : I find it refreshing and fascinating how the genders actually seem quite mixed and what relationships characters have with the traveler are varied. I really appreciate the writing team for the amount of detail they put into them!

AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!! This is my longest post yet soooo THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR AND ACTUALLY READ THIS!!

[pois0ntree]

So, I feel like regardless of how you view astrology, it's still just an incredibly intriguing psuedoscience in general when it comes to interpreting human nature. And I got curious about Johnny and V's signs and their compatability, and too much of it is just TOO ON THE FUCKIN' NOSE. So, here's some of my favorite quotes from the articles I found about it:

For reference- V's canon B-day is October 12th making them a Libra. And Johnnycakes' canon B-day is November 16th making him a Scorpio. (pfffttt so perfect, really)

"With a Libra-Scorpio relationship, watch out for an increased sense of codependency."

"Both Scorpio and Libra act as mirrors for each other."

"Libras are free-spirits who do not like to be chained to anything or anybody, including their partners, so when Scorpios try to control them, things can quickly go awry."

"For Libra, a Scorpio can be quite useful as they provide useful insights into the process of tackling a problem through their systematic approach. However, they can be equally annoying due to their outbursts of emotions which are challenging for a Libra to deal with."

"Libras would need to be careful not to overgive for the sake of keeping the peace, while Scorpios would need to identify when they need to pull back and spend time alone."

It's all so perfect because it reiterates how these two are the epitome of an "opposites attract" or "yin/yang" type of relationship that can be very challenging but also work so extremely well for both partners because their conflicting traits balance each other out; they keep the other's overbearing personality traits in check while also just bringing out the best in one another. V's Libra nature of being very loyal, giving, peace-keeping, and free-spirited conflicts heavily with Johnny's tendency to be very rebellious, selfish, provocative, and opinionated/set in his ways. And their situation w/ the Relic just CATAPULTS the effects of their conflicting yet complimentary dynamic. V's inherent selflessness eventually rubs off on Johnny and teaches him to care more about the people closest to him rather than only caring about his revolutionist ideals in a rather obsessive way. In other words, V grounds Johnny and brings out his humanity, which even HE thought was long gone by the time he died. And on the other hand, Johnny's brash confidence teaches V to be a little more selfish when necessary and fight for themself for a change rather than typically putting other's needs above their own; he shows V the importance of taking action, of always fighting for what you believe in, and never losing sight of who you are.

Their relationship starts off with their personalities and values in complete war with each other's, but in time, they being to embrace their differences and evolve into better versions of themselves by the end because of their profound influence on each other.

Throughout their journey together, Johnny can't help but reflect on his poor choices and empathize more with the people that matter most to him, all because this little merc that now knows him better than anybody still willingly chooses to help him try and make amends with his past despite all of his flaws and mistakes.

Even at the expense of losing themself faster in the process, V still chooses to embrace Johnny and give him a second chance because that's the kind of person they are. And because Johnny also comes to know V better than anybody, he decides to follow in their suit and do whatever he can to prevent V from destroying themself just for him. He gives the merc his dog tags as a promise that it'll be his life for theirs, and by the end, V is faced with an impossible decision to have to make:

give in to their own inherent nature and sacrifice themself for the rockerboy parasite that they've grown to love and now can't imagine having to say goodbye to, or embrace the side of Johnny that urges V to LIVE and never stop fighting- to not let anyone else change who they are, ever again.

[gayofthefae]

Mike and El aren't "100% secure never gonna break up" because I'm only pretty sure that Nancy and Jonathan are gonna stay together and in season 4, I was only pretty sure Lucas and Max would get back together but I acknowledged a possibility that they would remain just friends but very close and still be the main pairing for each other onscreen. Nothing is certain. Because you haven't seen the ending. And with that Lucas and Max example, I was unsure of Lucas and Max and MIKE was the one that couldn't tell El he loved her. I was unsure of even the one couple that didn't have any (relationship) threat. No one is 100% safe because we don't know what's gonna happen. The only couple I was sure of in season 4 was Joyce and Hopper because they had very clear and consistent romantic buildup and references and hadn't been together yet. My closest comparison to that is Byler.

Honestly, I'm also realizing as I type this that the main lack of knowing stemmed from me knowing that plots have to invoke change and an established couple breaking up is a change, and being a change trumps being illogical. Joyce and Hopper or Mike and Will not getting together would be a complete lack of change.

Joyce and Hopper changed to dating. Jonathan and Nancy are shifting into their future and away from Hawkins. Lucas and Max changed into maturity that they didn't have before. Mike and El didn't change before, in fact, they reused(/extended with a tone shift to more seriousness) a PREVIOUS CONFLICT. Mike and Will haven't changed and won't if they do anything but get together that ends on good platonic terms.

Couples have to change. Getting together is a change. Breaking up is a change. Maturing is a changer. Elmike was already treated pretty seriously and that's used as reason for them to not break up but it's actually the opposite because they have nowhere to go but to break up now, as it is a story and further events are required to get to an end point. Byler were already on good platonic terms and and learning something that doesn't change anything is inherently NOT a change.

Realizing, even Will coming out to Jonathan was important because it was a CHANGE! They had been distant for a while and that was included in order to set up that moment as something that had needed to happen, a vulnerable conversation they hadn't had in a while.

Honestly the only established couple I'm 100% sure of is Dustin and Suzie because they have no plots and therefore no reason for change. Sidelined couples are endgame couples. Shoutout Mr. and Mrs. Finch on Bridgerton you're the cutest thing I've ever seen I'm so happy you both love cheese.

Jopp3r and J@ncy have available changes while staying together in committing further as they are adults or becoming adults who are capable of independent decisions like going to college together, moving in together, marriage, etc. All child couples, aka everyone else, do not have that change as an option (although some people have tried reaching for it under the idea of a larger time jump, even legality does not equal narrative plausibility) so their only possibilities are to commit to fight to reunite: Lum@x(just realized! parallel to when Elmike was romantic!), or break up (M!leven). Other options for any two people not together or engaged with another in-relationship change include as follows: getting together. That's it.

All couples but Mike and El have other options of change to build up to achieving other than breaking up. If they didn't, breaking up would be their only option, but they have alternates. For Mike and El, that is not the case. Lucas and Max are only even safe because she's in a coma, or if they decide to extend their get-back-together arc. The kids' only options are have an existing possible change or breakup. Lucas and Max have an existing possible change.

[deltadex]

Something I'd like to talk about is how some argue that "Vi is being hypocritical. How can she team up with an Enforcer when her parents were killed by them?" and "her and Caitlyn's relationship progressed too quickly because Vi is supposed to have a lot more resentment for those from Piltover, the people who have oppressed her her whole life". I understand these views. But the way I see it, the whole point of their relationship is about overcoming personal biases.

And let's not forget that, in Episode 8, Vi actually did bring their relationship progression to a halt, DUE TO her personal bias/insecurities that say the Undercity and Piltover will never be able to work together. The writers didn't ignore that aspect.

I think they did a great job of conveying Vi's internal struggle towards accepting Caitlyn as an ally. At one point in her mind, she must have run out of excuses to distrust her, because Caitlyn keeps proving them wrong. It's a hard thing for Vi to wrap her head around, but she's wise enough to see that Cait has good intentions.

In the end, I think they showed a nice balance of "Vi being cynical towards Caitlyn" and "Vi realising Caitlyn is an inherently good person". You could say the same thing about Caitlyn and her initial doubts of Vi's trustworthiness. This is why I love their dynamic, because it encourages them to grow as individuals and see past their preconceived notions.

GIF by orphanmaker

Another hot topic of debate is that of Vi becoming an enforcer herself, which is slathered with the same critique: "How could she given her backstory?". But the important point people are missing is that Vi isn't going to become the type of enforcer that kills innocent people out of pure ruthlessness. She's not going to be an "asshole criminal" in a "fancy uniform". She's going to become an enforcer in order to HELP those in the undercity and PROTECT her sister. Is she really being hypocritical if what she's doing aligns with her own values? It's simply the external image that seems controversial: Oh look! A Zaunite has betrayed their own people by becoming a Piltover Enforcer. But once you dig deeper, you see that her loyalties lie in the right place.

Another point to mention is that we don't even know how the story is going to go about this. Is she going to join the current system of enforcers out of the urgent need to protect her sister? (I don't really see how that would be possible though, unless Jayce appoints Caitlyn as the new Sheriff and Vi accompanies her as a "collaborater" rather than an "enforcer".)

Or maybe they're going to be playing the long game and have Vi and Caitlyn reform the enforcers first before she officially joins them. Either way, they'll be seeking to bring about justice in their broken world.

By thinking that "all enforcers are inherently bad", you would be projecting the very same bias that people from the Undercity have towards Piltover (which is justified to a large extent because of how they've been treated). But what wouldn't make sense is to continually see an enforcer as corrupt even after they've proven themselves different.

[sophieinwonderland]

Why focus on anti-endos? Or another way of putting it, why focus on the negativity surrounding plurality? Why not instead focus on how plurality helps people? i.e. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The attention seems to only encourage them. If no one is paying them any attention, they no longer will have anyone to argue with and may lose steam.

I'm skeptical of the catching more flies with honey thing. At least as it applies to this. I think if it was true, you wouldn't see the mainstream media put so much focus on playing to people's fears to drum up ratings and clicks. (But I do find you need a healthy mix at least.)

Besides that, in my experience, it depends a lot on what attention you give sysmeds.

If you respond with hate, then yeah. That is going to encourage them. If you respond with sources and facts behind you, while asking them to provide the same, you'll probably end up blocked. This shows what type of attention sysmeds tend to not want.

Also, just speaking for myself, I tend to not be as good at classic positivity posts, but I reblog those when I see other people make them because I do want them to be popular. I would hate if literally the only plural posts on this site were syscourse.

That said, I enjoy intellectual challenges. Figuring out how to rebut and disprove sysmed claims is fun, even if a tad easy these days now that SAS and most of the intelligent anti-endos have converted to pro/neutral stances, and most remaining anti-endos are really bad at arguing their positions even half-coherently.

But also, I just think it's really important to drive home how anti-science sysmeds actually are. Because if you let them, they will spread lies and do their best to shape public opinion in their favor. Having sources to back our positions up means nothing if we aren't countering their misinformation. When truth and lies are at war, the sad reality is that the winners won't inherently be the ones with facts on their side, but the ones who can shout the loudest.

Finally, I still think of the relationship with anti-endos and pro-endos as being somewhat symbiotic. Yes, arguing with them can encourage them. But I think it can also encourage US.

In the longterm, I believe system medicalism needs to be eliminated as an ideology. But in the short-term... the louder both groups are, the more awareness it brings to system issues in general. I kind of hate that I have this utilitarian view of anti-endos because the cost is that real people are getting harassed and bullied by them, and they're doing real emotional damage to innocent people who definitely don't deserve it.

The Yaelokre incident, for example, destroyed a community that a lot of people loved and felt safe in because of anti-endo bigotry. At the same time, I can't imagine much better advertising for people to become pro-endo than sysmeds just harassing endo-neutral singlets for being inclusive, and making a nuisance of themselves wherever they go.

[butch-with-a-deep-voice]

Hello! I recently found your blog and wanted to thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. Your posts about your journey in learning to embrace queer masculinity and your butch identity have been an absolute Goddess sent. If you have the bandwidth and are open to sharing, I would love to hear more about your process of separating masculinity from manhood and embracing queer masculinity. As a fellow trans femme trying to figure out if Butch works for me, I keep hitting roadblocks in learning to appreciate and embrace those masculine/chivalrous traits without identifying them with my formative experiences. I'm Colombian, and chivalry (unfortunately wound up with a lot of machismo) was essential to my upbringing. I resonated a lot with what you shared about pursuing hyperfeminity to leave behind masculinity, and I have reached a point where I can't sustain the hope of waking up and looking like Barbie one day and working toward appreciating the mortal coil I have and stage of transition I'm in. I apologize this got so verbose but I hope it made sense lol

Hey! So this was sent in a few days ago and I wanted to give time to sit on it. This is such a complicated and honestly deeply personal process. One person's relationship to masculinity will look entirely different than another.

It's been a process that I've been working through honestly most of my adult life, even before transitioning. I think there are two major factors that proved the most important, and they're pretty linked with eachother.

Find examples of healthy masculinity that speak to you.

I will preface that due to the nature of media, these will primarily come from men still. It's gonna happen. That is okay actually, it will lead into point 2. Finding healthy examples of masculinity was so necessary for me because masculinity was so wrapped up in just constant negativity. The harm so many men cause to women/queer people. Toxic masculinity and how those who perpetuated it shaped nearly every waking moment of my childhood/adolescence. The entire "anti-men" issue that fully plagues feminist and queer spaces, and how in most of those spaces men are hated on so casually you're looked at funny if you call it out.

Finding examples of both manhood and masculinity that were healthy and safe was so important in being able to reclaim masculinity. As a trans-feminine person I was never going to be able to even start to look at the process of first separating masculinity from manhood, nevermind reclaiming masculinity, if I wasn't able to first view both as not inherently bad. So, I'll provide three of my top examples of healthy masculinity that played really integral roles for me during the early phases of healing my own.

Lord of the Rings Now this is pretty much everyone's go-to, especially if you're a nerd like me. But there's good reason for that. While Tolkien has his slew of problems, from lack of women in the books, to the racist undertones of Orcs/Goblins, his works provide plenty of examples of healthy masculinity. No one would ever say Aragorn isn't masculine, he's peak "manly man". And yet, he's gentle. He's a healer. He recites and writes poetry (to the point that Bilbo goes to him for advice on how to finish a verse). He loves flowers and art and history. He's masculine, but he's unafraid of being soft, and he uses his masculinity to protect. To lead. To love. Not for malice. Samwise Gamgee is frankly a rolemodel to me. I used to joke he and two other fictional characters were my type in men, when in reality, they were my butch-coded role models (Malcolm Reynolds and Milo Thatch). Samwise is still firmly masculine. But he's the softest sweetest man out there, and I hope I can live up to the healthy masculinity he performs daily.

William Prince William is an Indigenous Canadian folk/country artist, who comes from the same neck of the woods I do in terms of region. His music has gotten me through so many tough times I can't even begin to express how important it is to me. One of the biggest reasons he is on this list is so much of his music explores being a man in a healthy way. Whether it is being a father, to the importance of healing your trauma before it hurts those you love, to the importance of being vulnerable as a man in general. Top three songs for some great healthy masculinity imo are "The Gun", "That's All I'll Ever Become", and while it isn't necessarily masculinity focused, "Run". My only other note with him is just uh. Don't listen to the "Gospel First Nation" album. He went a little "born again" during Covid and it nearly killed his career.

Arcane The writers of Arcane wrote gender so well it's ridiculous. You will find plenty of people on tumblr discussing how well it did women, but I think there isn't nearly enough praise for how well they wrote the men in the series. I could go into it more, but honestly, this video essay by my favourite video essayist Schnee details it beautifully (I'd also watch the sister video to this one about women in Arcane, it's pretty great). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBNUgGhPZzY

First and foremost finding healthy examples of masculinity in your life and the media you consume is so important. Find ways to separate those masculine traits you know you want to embody from the toxic ones like "machismo" as you put it. That way you can get into the next part.

Address Internalized Shame Surrounding Masculinity

This one is a doozy. I'm still working on it if I'm being honest. (I would also like to note that a lot of internalized shame work should be done with a professional if you can access one). Shame rules our lives if we let it, not just with gender. It affects everything. Work, family, food, hell shame makes people feel shameful about getting an extra hour of sleep here or there. It makes us hate when we want to just. Relax. It makes us hate when we ask for our needs to be met. Shame work is something EVERYONE should do, ekosi.

But as a trans person, whether or not you decide to claim butch, you MUST eventually look at that big ugly stain that is your shame with masculinity. Even the most hyper feminine of us trans-femmes must do so. Hatred and shame of men and masculinity will continue to fester if left unchecked no matter what. Yes, many men have done terrible things. Yes, we live in a society that favours men to the umpteenth degree and perpetuates toxic masculinity and patriarchy. Yes, as trans-feminine people we were and sometimes still are, associated with a lot of those perceptions and beliefs. It's an awful feeling and it makes you hate yourself. Part of why I went hyper feminine is because of how much I hated my shame. I was so shameful of being born male. Shameful of the fact that I was a "threat" in feminist spaces purely for existing. Shameful of how intimidating I would become if I ever raised my voice because of how powerful my diaphragm is, on top of my already large demeanor. That shame will eat you alive if left to persist, regardless of transition.

That shame must be dealt with. Masculinity cannot be shameful. I'm a complete buzzkill in a lot of queer and feminist spaces because I shut down sarcastic anti-men jokes pretty damn regularly. I shut down the joking perpetuation of the bi "all women and one (1) man" stereotypes. I shut down "ugh men" jokes. Whether or not people who make those regularly realize it or not, those jokes continue to tell men, cis or trans, they are unwanted in queer and feminist spaces. That their very existence is worthy of shame. (and no, the "trans men are an exception" thing doesn't provide an out. They're men too.) It is biphobic, it is transphobic, and it perpetuates colonial patriarchal systems still in place. That cannot be the case. Part of feminism is making masculinity a healthy thing. Part of why it is okay if your personal examples of healthy masculinity end up all being men is because men performing healthy masculinity adds to the overall de-shaming of it. Gender stops mattering when you de-shame masculinity. What matters is healthy masculinity as a whole. Once gender no longer matters for healthy masculinity, the next step of separating it from manhood kind of already did itself.

While there are other small things I've done throughout my life that helped with the overall separation of masculinity and manhood, that in turn allowed me to claim butch for myself, those two steps were absolutely integral in the process. I hope you're able to find things that work for you, and that these examples of mine were helpful to you. Thank you for the wonderful ask 💕

[puppy-pie]

Hello! :3

I'm unsure if I should really even be asking this, but I am personally curious about petplay? I have been leaning towards getting into it, and I feel ashamed of myself about it, and I was looking to see if someone could possibly just give a little intel on it and stumbled across your blog!

-⚰️🪷 anon (if anyone hasn't claimed it already)

Omg hiiii! First of all I just wanna tell you love, you’re my first claimed anon! So congrats!!

Second off, I wanna say that pet play is such a BROAD kink there’s no “correct” way to answer your question! I highly advise you to do more research than what I answer :] if you’d like more specifics just let me know! I’ll post something more in depth!!

So, to break it down more simply, pet play is just another form of dominant/submissive kink (doesn’t always have to be, but commonly is! It’s totally alright to have dom on dom or sub on sub stuff as well!) It’s a type of relationship where one (or more) partners will take on a more animalistic role/trait abt themselves! Most relationships will take on an owner/pet relationship, where the owner has a more dominant role over their submissive pet. Like I said, there are variants of pet play relationships though, so research up!

Pet play comes in varying degrees of…hm I guess intensity? Some people are more strict in their versions, whereas other people prefer a relaxed style. Since pet play is a ROLE there isn’t really a limit to what is and isn’t allowed in it. Popular pet roles include puppies, kittens, bunnies, ponies, and even cows! To some, simplistic dominant/submissive roleplay with pet like terms is good, to others dressing as full leather/latex adorned puppies is their schtick. It’s all up to personal opinion! There’s plenty of costumes, gear, and accessories to help aspiring pet players find what they wish to engage in. Me personally, I consider myself about a mid-level pet player. I like tails and ears, I like leashes and muzzles, and I absolutely adore being called and treated as a puppy. Many pet players will also use real pet items, such as food dishes or crates/kennels, to enhance their experience.

Another thing abt it is that pet play can be paired with other kinks! I myself have quite a few tacked on there, they’re listed in my pinned post if you’d like to see! Behavior and reward/punishment are common in pet play, so is praise, lots of stuff really! Once again it’s just a matter of preference!!

Now, let’s get to what pet play is NOT:

- Pet Play is not beastiality

- Pet Play is not inherently furry centered (though you can be both!!)

- Pet Play is not gross

All scenes and relationships within pet play should be consensual, of age, and made with firm expression of boundaries and limits. Please remember that you have the right to change your mind when experimenting with pet play AT ANY TIME. Your consent is YOURS. It is important. And don’t feel ashamed honey! It’s perfectly natural to explore kink and to explore a more…how you say….carnal side of yourself! The community is wide and accepting, I’m sure you’ll find something to fit you!

Please let me know if you’d like a further in depth explanation from my end on any of the above topics, or if you need any help! Love you hun! Happy exploring 💖

[shipsarebeautiful]

Quick disclaimer, I’m going to talk about an NSFW topic, so if you’re not into that please scroll away now!

But, with that out of the way, here’s my Thoughts on a Thing. So, call me crazy, but I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while and after recent events I’ve come to a logical conclusion.

SHMK should, and I cannot stress enough how genuinely I mean this, have gay sex for plot reasons. Here me out!

Shu has IMMENSE issues with repression, and he always has done because of the environment he was raised in, and while he’s worked through a fair amount of those issues by now one glaring thing that still remains is how averse he is to anything sexual. There’s an entire story dedicated to exploring this aspect of his character (Astrae’s Atelier)! One part of that story is that someone from his school in Paris who is distinctly not averse to sexual stuff at all becomes very interested in Shu, to the point where they leave drawings of nude models and even porn magazines in his room to try and convince him that sexual things are normal (surprise surprise, it doesn’t really work). Kuro even finds out about this and brings it’s up again later on in the timeline, to which Shu is still clearly uncomfortable with it.

Mika on the other hand isn’t sexually repressed at all, much like the fan from Paris, and we know how openly horny he is all the time. But above his honrniess is his absolute loyalty. He would never do anything to harm Shu and would do everything to protect him and make him happy, recently including even digging up a grave to confirm or deny the reality of a story that Mika knew Shu wouldn’t like the ending of. He also still really struggles with comprehending how important he is to Shu, being willing to sacrifice himself in every way possible for the sake of Shu’s happiness without realising how that self-sacrificial nature is exactly what’s hurting Shu, and is incredibly insecure about himself and his abilities.

Them having sex is, I believe, genuinely going to be SO helpful for both of them. Because with the way Shu is Mika would be forced to realise how important he is to Shu since there’s no way he would do such an act with just anyone, and Shu would have to realise that sex isn’t the shameful act he’s always thought it to be and can be just another way to show someone how much you love them. On top of that, the act itself is inherently supposed to be one of mutual pleasure, it puts them on completely equal playing fields no matter how much they may want to value the other more than themselves.

Both of these characters are adults at this point in the timeline so it wouldn’t exactly be taboo to talk about such a thing, especially since sexual themes have come up in Enstars before though they’ve never truly been explored. And on top of that, since it’s now implied that they’re canonically together, it’s the type of topic that would be completely natural to explore with these two since sex is a normal thing in most romantic relationships.

And I’m saying all this as an asexual btw, so it’s not as if I’m just looking for excuses to sexualise the two because that’s not what this is about at all. I just whole-heartedly believe that it would actually be beneficial both to their relationship and to their personal development, and that this is something that can and frankly, in my opinion, should be explored in their future stories.

I SWEAR I’M NOT DELUSIONAL HERE, IT ALL MAKES SENSE!