#oh lord i’m gonna have to go to another wedding

[bvnnyblood]

i just walked in on my little sister crying and when i asked her why she told me what today’s date was and now we’re both crying

[nelle-y]

We Become We

Synopsis: you’re arranged to marry the one and only yashiro commissioner, Kamisato Ayato

Content: Ayato x fem!reader, arranged marriage, one-sided love (Ayato) not proofread

Note: titled and inspired by the song ‘We Become We’ from Journey to Bethlehem (this is a little bit messy bc i tried making it shorter than my usual stuff😭)

—

“Do you like dogs?” Ayato guided you away from a puddle of rain. He has been asking you questions since you began your walk in the garden.

Still down in the dumps, you asnwered dryly, uninterested. “I’m fond of them.”

Your father had arranged a wedding for you and Lord Kamisato sooner than you had thought. You weren’t able to let everything sink in when he announced the date, there was still a little bit of aftershock left until now.

Lord Kamisato was ever such a gentleman—as he should. Flattery and friendly statements have accompanied you since he arrived at your clan’s estate. Nonetheless, you felt nothing for him. His chivalry was all for show. You knew this was just an arrangement, a sacrifice to make for your clan—for your father.

You were sure he felt the same, and that you would live in your separate houses as you tended to your duties, unbothered and concentrated. But the way he spoke to you made you think otherwise.

“Is that so? Then maybe I could show you my friend’s dog? His name is Taroumaru—the dog, not my friend.” Normally, Ayato wouldn’t speak so freely and childish around a person, but he felt safe enough in your presence to loosen his tongue. You nodded dryly, again.

He began to tire of your meekly responses. He sighed, “I’m sorry. You’re clearly upset about this whole… situation.”

After what felt like an eternity of silence, you looked at him for the very first time. Now he could properly see your monotonous eyes. “What gave it away?” You finally spoke in a more sincere tone.

“Well,” Ayato hesitated. “I won’t go into detail, but I’m no novice at taking hints.” You shyly laugh at this—a step in the right direction, he thought.

“I suppose I have to be careful next time.” Your gaze glued to the ground once more. “I wouldn’t want to offend you, Commissioner.”

“You don’t have to hide a thing, Y/N.” He leaned down slightly for you to see him. “It’s gonna take more than a secret to offend me. Oh, and you can call me Ayato; we are getting married, after all.”

You looked at him strangely, “I don’t understand how you’re so calm right now. Aren’t you disappointed that you’ve got your freedom taken away now that you’re engaged?”

“I’ll be honest here, I haven’t had that much freedom even before getting engaged!” He laughs, “If anything, choosing you as my wife is the only freedom I’ll ever have.”

“Only freedom?”

“When you become a leader, especially at a young age, you make it a habit to decide for the development of your clan. Your duties, fortunes, you should always think if it would benefit your people. There’s hardly any time to think for yourself.”

All of the sudden you felt pity for the man, with empathy lingering over. “Then you became the commissioner,” you draw out, to which he sighed. It seems like he’s unbothered by it now, like he’s gotten used to this overwhelming lifestyle. “Do you ever wonder about retirement?”

“As long as there’s no heir, I believe retirement isn’t an option for me.”

Ah, another reason for your engagement—producing an heir. Archons, you pray your children will have a much better life than you and your groom-to-be. “What about Miss Ayaka?”

You see a small grin on Ayato’s lips. “She’ll want to explore the world, meet new friends and what not. Best not to trouble her.” You both sit on a small bench with an overlooking view of the sunset, purple and red-colored leaves matching the tall sky.

“You really care for her, don’t you?”

“Of course, she is my sister, after all.” Ayato found you leering your head near his shoulder. A warm feeling buzzes in his chest as he nudged closer to you. Oh, he’s been talking all this time! You haven’t said a word about yourself since you met him, he realizes. To correct his mistake, he asks, “What about you? How are you feeling?”

“Well,” you uttered, unsure where to start. You lean against him. “I find it charming that you care for your sister so much.”

“I meant with the marriage.” His voice wasn’t judgmental, but more like a friend lending comfort and safety. It lures you to open up to him.

“This was all just an arrangement,” you confess. Ayato couldn’t help but feel disappointed, yet he doesn’t speak a word of it. Maybe there will be a small rainbow after a drizzle of rain. “That was how I felt at first. But now I’m slowly growing more fond of you, my lord.

If you think of me as easily-caught, then I claim to be fond of you as a friend. At least, for now.”

“For now,” he repeats. “I’ll take that as a good sign. In truth, I fear I’m falling for you sooner than I thought.”

His confession makes you rise from your comfortable place, shock and sudden nervousness pulsing through your veins. “Pardon?”

Ever such a lady, he thought, even when shocked you still hold face. When he looked at you, he saw how you got antsy. Fearing for your comfort, he said, “I’m only joking, miss Y/N! I feel the same as you; a friend.”

You let out a breath, slightly relieved. You were flattered, but love at first sight just felt ridiculous to you—that was just physical attraction. True love takes time and understanding. With Ayato saying he was falling for you, you feared it was only for your looks and not for your soul. Though, you weren’t entirely opposed to the idea of loving him.

“I do admire your elegance, though,” he added.

“Thank you.”

Ayato couldn’t be happier that he was about to be your husband and you, his wife.

It was the way his name seemed to echo in songs from the loveliness that is your voice. It was the way you nodded when people passed by despite not knowing them. It was this sense of perfection he saw in you, and it only took him a smile to tell.

But the question in his head paralyzed him, anxious and, he wouldn’t lie, a little embarrassed. His feelings would be null and void if you didn’t—or wouldn’t—feel the same. “Will this always be just an arrangement to you?”

The stars peeked through the violet sky like fireflies by the time you walked back. The smell of the nearby sea and the woodlands blew with the air. You looked straight, watching your step in case you trip, while Ayato had looked at you like you were… everything. “I don’t really know you that well, Ayato. It can be difficult to tell.”

“But do you think, with time, this blossom of ours will grow into a beautiful flower?”

You appreciate his metaphor. “Maybe, someday.”

Someday.

—the end.—

[quickandsilvers]

I have been thinking,,, non stop about that Peter Maximoff music ask,,, and like

Another song that popped into my head that apocalypse era Peter would use in such a scenario? Rod Stewart, "Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?"

Like,,, I'm sorry, are we gonna pretend that it's NOT a song he'd fuck to?

ALSO Dark Phoenix Peter! Another song that I think fits his vibe! Alice Cooper, "Poison". Like, it's just... it's got the edge, the sexy bass, the desperation, the... everything.

Hhhh,,,, I need this speedy silver himbo so much,,,, 😔😔😔

(Also the "bunny humping" description made me laugh, ngl...)

ROD STWART?! 100 PERCENT AGREED, ANON! ITS NOT AN OPINION ANYMORE, IT’S DOWNRIGHT THE TRUTH!!!

Alice Cooper is definitely a go-to for bedroom times with quickie, esp ‘You and Me’🧎‍♀️💕💖

Alright, here’s some songs i think would be playing whilst Peter x reader are getting it on:

-Hotel California- Eagles (maybe this is just a fantasy for me but… let’s dwell on it, ‘kay?)

-Kiss from a Rose- Seal (can you imagine singing along to the chorus whilst being drilled against a wall? HOH MAMA)

-Layla- Derek & The Dominos (a given. Someone suggested this before and it’s the nothing but the truth)

-Money For Nothing- Dire Straits (need I give an explanation? maybe a little too groovy for seggsy times with our speedster though…)

-Whole Lotta Love- Led Zeppelin (had to fan myself from the mere thought of this one,, goddamn)

-Stargazer- Rainbow (He’s totes gonna try and fuck you to the beat. And with the tempo of this song? Hoh’ boy, get ready to explain to Charles why you need him to lend you his spare wheelchair for a week)

-Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’ - Journey (i think the name says enough)

-White Wedding - Pt. 1- Billy Idol (This SCREAMS dark phoenix peter)

-Hungry Like the Wolf- Duran Duran (honestly? I might as well add the entire Duran Duran discography to this mixtape. He probably plays this especially when eating you out and makes a lame joke about the song title before devouring you)

-Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang- Silver (you probably both belt this to eachother, maybe even pausing your fooling around just to have a little groove💕💕oh boy does this make my heart flutter)

-(I Just) Died In Your Arms- Cutting Crew (Peter added this thinking he was the romantic of the century. Like “babe, whaddaya mean it’s corny?”)

-Emotion Detector- Rush (thank you Geddy Lee for creating the song of the millennium🧎‍♀️)

-I Want to Know What Love Is- Foreigner (a classic. a staple for love songs in the 80s, dare i miss it out?? Also again, a very dark phoenix peter song)

-Sugar Walls- Sheena Easton (Peter only really added this to get a laugh out of you. He’s insistent on the fact that you taste sweeter than a twinkie..i wonder what walls he’s referring to, hm?)

-Slide It In- Whitesnake (c’mon now, what did you really expect,,, from a goof with the humour of a twelve year-old boy no less?)

-Flesh For Fantasy- Billy Idol (thank you our lord and saviour Billy Idol for the contributions to this mixtape, you never fail us)

Honourable mention:

-Carless Whisper- George Michael (Just like he did with The Cutting Crew, Peter added this under the impression he was the epitome of romantic. The deadpan/unimpressed look you gave him said otherwise. That was the first and last time Peter took seductive song suggestions from Deadpool.. why did he even ask??)

[millylotus]

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS : Dubious Drunk Consent, Drinking, Alcohol

What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas

Vegas AU

WARNING: Danny & Duke are both drunk when they have the wedding, not terribly so but still. Other characters outright ask if either were able to properly consent to the situation. A random side character tries to take Duke home and isn’t taking no as an answer.

This is not how you should safely interact with someone in a sexual way

CONSENT IS KEY PEOPLE always ask every time you and your partner[s] try something sexual at every new avenue

DON’T TRY AND HAVE SEX/SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WHEN DRUNK all of the time you will not be in your right mind, don’t test it you may regret it later

DON’T DO WHAT HAPPENS IN FANFICTION PLEASE!!!

It’s Duke’s twenty-first birthday, and his older siblings have dragged him to Las Vegas for a three day weekend.

It was fucking great, partying, drinking without getting too drunk [high metabolism and all that], winning almost every game he joins [thank you future vision]. Duke was having the time of his life partying in Vegas.

The second night, Duke had somehow wandered away from his siblings, but he wasn’t all that worried, they’d find him before morning.

The bar he’d stumbled into was dark, just like all the others. He sighed happily, walking over to the bar and ordering one of their fruity sounding drinks, those were always the best.

As he happily sipped on his drink feeling his head starting to get a little fuzzy, which was nice, a guy sat down next to him, saying something that sounded vaguely flirtatious. Duke looked over to the guy, he wasn’t all that impressive, maybe his height was what got him dick.

“Sorry what?” Duke asked, trying to focus on the guy's voice.

The guy rolled his eyes, “I said, you got a ride back to your hotel tonight?”

Duke blinked, weighing his options on whether this guy would even be a good fuck, “Nah I’m good man, I know how to get back,” Duke went back to his drink.

The guy sneered, and grabbed Duke’s wrist, “I’m sure I can get back to your place safer or mine for that manner.”

Duke glared at him, okay so he’s gonna have to either turn this guy down slowly or he’s gonna have to get his siblings to help him hide a dead body. He’s willing to trade that fifty for Tim’s help with that.

Before he could even say anything another hand took the guy’s hand, crushing his wrist and making him let go.

Duke looked over his shoulder at his “savior”. The man was tall, and muscular, filipino-cuban, with pretty soft looking black hair and blue eyes that seemed to shine green. He was also really really hot, Duke felt his face heat up.

“He wants you gone asshole,” The stranger growled out, and oh lord that was fucking hot.

“Did he tell you that?” The guy asked.

The stranger leaned in, pressing his front to Duke’s back, “He shouldn’t have to motherfucker, we’re engaged.”

Pause rewind, Duke eyes widened as the stranger lifted their left hands to show the guy the silver ring on his finger. Duke just so happened to be wearing the same ring. Well wasn’t that a happy coincidence.

The guy blinked before grumbling and walking away.

The stranger took his spot sighing, then looked at Duke with a lopsided smile, “You alright?”

Duke smiled back at him, “Oh I’m perfect.”

Danny had come to Vegas when Sam and Tucker had dragged him there, mainly against his will because it would kill his wallet to try and get drunk [high metabolism at it again]. Sam ended up promising to cover his bills, so here he was kinda drunk and fuzzy in a club in Vegas.

The halfa was lurking by the bar watching his friends on the dance floor, smiling at their antics.

His attention turned from his friends to a pretty man who’d been sitting alone for the past couple minutes, another guy had sat down next to him. They were chatting, but the new guy seemed a bit too close for the pretty strangers comfort.

When the new guy snatched up the pretty stranger's wrist Danny knew he had to step in.

~timeskip cause i’m not rewriting that~

“Oh I’m perfect,” the stranger said with a cute smile.

Danny felt his slow heart do a backflip, “Great, I’m Danny by the way.”

The stranger nodded, “Duke, want a drink I’ll pay.”

Duke flagged down a bartender, who brought over a menu handing it to him.

“Dude no worries, the guy was being a dick anyway. I can pay for it on my own.”

Duke raised an eyebrow playfully, “If you say so, have a couple drinks with me though, I wanna get to know my savior knight.”

Danny tried to suppress his giggle, “Alright.”

They just keep chatting and flirting for a bit and just keep drinking, unconcerned by their tabs

At some point when they’re very much tipsy they end up on the dance floor just jamming

Sam & Tuck ask Danny about Duke and he gets all mushy about how funny and cool Duke is and how they met

Tuck & Sam tease him about the fake fiance thing, Danny just says that he wishes it wasn’t a lie cause he’d marry Duke in heartbeat

Duke happens to over hear this and hugs Danny saying he’d love to get married to him

Sam & Tuck think they’re just joking, Tuck tells them about the fast wedding venue that’s nearby and Sam gives them her card and tells them to go hog wild

They do go hog wild and end up going on a shopping spree

Danny stared at the long white ball gown and veil in front of him, Duke bounced over to his side, suit pieces in his arms.

“Watcha looking at,” Duke asked leaning on Danny.

“Wanna wear a dress for the wedding,” Danny said with a drunken smile, arm wrapping around Duke’s waist, kissing his head.

Duke looked up at him grinning, “You’d look fucking hot in that dress,” he kissed Danny’s cheek.

“Then I’m buying it,” He picked up Duke, who laughed as they walked over to check out to buy their wedding outfits.

-o-

At the venue Duke stood at the altar in his pure white suit and green tie, an Elvis impersonator as the person who was going to marry him and Danny. One of their phones was standing on a chair recording the entire thing.

So shitty rendition of “Here Come The Bride” started to play over the speaker, and Danny in his giant ballgown of a dress veil flipped over.

When he reached the altar the two young men stared at each other before laughing. Not as drunk as they were before, just more likely to get married to an almost stranger on a whim.

The Elvis impersonator said his words, and the two said their “I Do's” and were immediately on each other.

-o-

The two stumbled into Danny’s hotel room giggling like fools still dressed in their wedding clothes. Tucker and Sam were passed out in the living room.

Danny shushed Duke playfully, pointing to his sleeping friends. Duke nodded, covering his mouth with a smile.

They slipped into Danny’s room, locking the door behind them.

-o-

*Insert Sex Scene*

Tucker ends up waking up first and goes down to the lobby to pick up some vegan food before it’s all gone for Sam, who's still passed out on the couch

There he runs into a very frazzled Tim, Steph and Jason at the front desk begging the reception to let them go upstairs where their brother is

The front desk person says they can call the room but they need a number, they don’t have a number b/c the tracker is kinda fucked for Danny ghostly reasons

So the receptionist doesn’t let them cause security

Tucker just walks off to breakfast not wanting to get involved

That’s when Dick spots him and stops him before he can go

While Dick’s distracting him Cass swipes one of Tucker hotel cards and goes back to the others so they can use the elevator

Tucker is left kinda confused but just lets it go as weird people in Vegas

The Batkids had been looking for Duke since morning when he hadn’t come out for breakfast first like he usually does

They immediately went looking for him, and eventually had to start using his emergency tracker on one of his favorite rings

They eventually followed it to a nearby hotel but couldn’t get in cause, well it’s kinda weird to ask to go into a hotel without saying exactly where you're going or even giving legal evidence that the person they’re looking for is there

They end up swiping a hotel card from one of the visitors and going up the hotel trying to find which floor Duke was even on

Meanwhile Duke and Danny had woken up, and where still in Danny’s room

Loving up on each other and stuff being all cuddly and shit

They end up going into the bathroom to clean up

Sam wakes up to the shower running and yells for Danny to ask if that’s him

Danny comes out of the shower [Duke stays in for a little longer] and responds to Sam

Tucker returns a little bit later with the food

The three chat for a bit, Tucker telling them about the siblings down stairs

Then someone knocks on the door

The trio pauses, the person on the other side knocks again

Sam walks over and looks through the peephole to see the Batsiblings

“We know you’re in there,” The second smallest of the people at their door said, his face heavy with eye bags and a PDA clutched in his hand, “We’re just looking for our brother.”

Sam rolled her eyes, before opening the door with the latch still on, “Yeah, like I’m meant to believe that,” she hissed out

The blonde one grumbled, “Listen we just want to know if you’ve seen our brother. He’s only about yay high, black kid in his early twenties, has a close cut fade, eyes are light brown sometimes gold depending on how you look at ‘em. His names Duke, he was wearing a fuck tone of rings before we lost track of him.”

Sam’s eyes widened a little, vaguely remembering a Duke at a bar, “I think I saw him last night, but I don’t remember much.”

The smallest of them stepped forward, “Can we check, just to be sure?” Her voice was soft in an underused kinda way.

Sam glared at them, “What of course not, there’s literally no one here besides me and my friends.”

The biggest stepped closer, “Listen lady, he’s young and dumb and basically a lightweight. We just want to make sure he’s okay.”

Sam was about to say something else when an unfamiliar voice shouted from inside the hotel room.

“Hey Danny where did you toss my shirt?”

“I think I threw it to the window?” Danny responded.

Sam whipped around to her friends stepping away from the door, “Danny who the fuck is that!”

Tucker also spoke up, “Dude is that the guy from the bar last night?”

“Uhh…” Danny said guilty.

The second biggest of the people outside fully stepped into the hotel room somehow unlocking the door from the outside, “Duke Thomas-Wayne! Where the fuck have you been!?!”

A young man around Sam and her friend's age practically ran out of Danny’s room, in only a t-shirt and boxers, hair still dripping wet from the shower.

He smiled nervously at the group of people who’d just broken into the hotel room, “Heeeeeeey, how are my wonderful siblings doing?”

Let’s just say nobody but Duke and Danny are really happy about the whole situation

The Batsibs apologies for being so weird and stealing Tuck’s hotel card

Dick and Jason are fretting over Duke whos just embarrassed at being treated like a little kid in front of Danny, who thinks it’s adorable btw

Steph and Tim immediately don’t like Danny for taking Duke away like that so they are glaring at him

Cass is annoyed but isn’t about to say anything just stares disapprovingly at Duke

Then Tucker asks why there’s a veil just laying around

And suddenly Duke and Danny have shut down immediately

“Why is there a wedding veil in your room,” Tucker didn’t even ask it like a question, the night before was becoming more clear to him.

They all already knew what happened last night.

Danny and Duke didn’t say a word, Danny looking very intently at his cup of juice and Duke looking anywhere but his siblings’ faces.

“Duke – Cass said, knowing that Duke could not lie to her – did you get married to a man you just met?”

Duke didn’t say anything.

Tucker turned to his friend, “When I said ‘Why don’t you just marry him then’ it was a fucking joke Danny!”

“Well we were both like really drunk!” Danny tried to defend himself.

“How did you even get drunk, don’t you just burn through alcohol? How much did you spend at that bar! What did you put on my tab Danny!” Sam said incredulously.

“You told me to get drunk,” Danny whined curling in on himself.

“Not ‘get married to a stranger’ levels of drunk!” Sam shouted.

As the two chastised their friend on the other side of the room, the siblings spoke to their younger brother.

“Duke, Tommy. Why?” Steph asked.

Duke just pouted, mouth covered by his hand.

Dick gently touched Duke’s arm, “Sunshine are you okay, really. How much do you remember from last night?”

“How much do you remember consenting to?” Jason asked softly.

Duke sighed, “I said yes to everything I swear. I was a little bit tipsy but by the time we got to the chapel I was mostly lucid. I would have called it all off if I wanted to.”

Steph nodded still uncertain, “We know you trust your instincts Tommy but you’ve never gotten drunk like this before. We were terrified about what could have happened and now you’re married to some rando who you just met.”

Duke fell back into his chair, looking over to Danny and his friends.

“Just tell me which chapel and it’ll all be void before lunch,” Tim said, already on his phone.

Duke’s gaze quickly turned to Tim, “What?”

“Tell me which chapel, and we won’t have to worry about this. They shouldn’t have even married you two if you were both drunk,” Tim said

Duke huffed, “Don’t remember but it had an Elvis.”

Tim sighed and went back to his phone.

Duke & Danny decide it’s best to just legally void the marriage, like it was never there

Tucker ends up doing it b/c he’s the only one who remembered the chapel

They head down and the Elvis impersonator ends up telling them that he hadn’t even given them a proper wedding

Saying it happens a lot with drunk couples so it’s common practice to just give them fake contracts [don’t know if that’s an actual thing or not]

They all decide that it’s time to just go home early

At the airport Duke and Danny get to talking when the others in their groups had moved or looked away

Danny sat down next to Duke, Duke looked up from his phone and quickly looked back down.

“I- I wanna talk about what happened,” Danny said fidgeting with his hoodie.

Duke sighed, turning off his phone and setting it down, he sat up properly but didn’t look at Danny, “Which bit, the part where we got married or the part where we found out it was fake?”

“The part when we first met, how did you feel?” Danny said.

Duke shrugged, “Glad you saved me from that weirdo, happy there was someone nice to talk to,” He said, voice clipped.

Neither said anything.

“The getting married thing was a bad idea and I’m sorry I suggested it, and I completely understand if you never want to talk to me again,” Danny said quickly.

Duke didn’t say anything, just lifting his hand up and presenting it to Danny not turning to him.

Danny took his hand and squeezed a little.

“I like you – Duke whispered, turning to Danny – I really like you Danny. But I’d much rather get to know you then just jump into a relationship like what happened.”

Danny nodded, “I like you too, I really do. I want to get to know you beyond that drunk haze. I want to actually fall for you.”

Duke felt his face heat up in embarrassment, “I’d like that a lot.”

They trade phone numbers and agree to talk to each other when they both get home

Their relationship from there is kind of a slow burn really

Them getting to know each other on a personal level, taking things slow, to the point where they think they aren’t going to end up together

They’d mainly talk over phone but I think Duke would fly out to Amity once or twice so they could hang out in person

When they introduce each other to people it’s always “My Ex-Husband” “My Ex-Fiance”

And when Danny tells Duke he’s dead Duke starts calling himself a widower as well

Just fun jokes between friends

Getting to the dating bit is a long trek through denial and mutual pining it’s ridiculous

The others know they like each other but the dumb dumbs keep saying it could never happen

Danny: Oh there’s no way he likes me we’re better off as friends anyway

Duke: He couldn’t possibly be interested it was a one-night stand anyway

Infuriating really

DEADLIGHTS MASTERPOST, GENERAL NOTES, MEMES, AO3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Unexpected 9

Sequel to Unsolicited

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, Lloyd being the worst, and other dark elements.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

“Scuse me, buttercup,” Dotty climbs up on one of the high stools along the craps table, “oh, look at this tall drink of water.”

You come up beside her, crossing your arms over the leather trim as she leers at the man next to her. You haven’t missed the comments or how she runs stream of mind, much like her son. It explains a little but not enough. You still don’t understand Lloyd, or was it Marion?

“You here alone, lovely?” She continues on, “if so, I think it’s my lucky day. I should run the table, huh?”

“He’s not,” a woman with cherry curls leans around the man caught in the crossfire, “he’s very much not alone.”

“No harm in askin’,” Dotty chirps as she places her chips on the table, “lotta cuties wanderin’ ‘round, don’t you worry, honey. You have fun with yours.”

The woman grabs the man and tugs on his arm. He sighs and collects his single stack before letting her drag him away. You watch Dotty as she chuckles.

“Oh, them young ones get so testy,” she chimes, “I like to rile ‘em up a little.”

“Uh huh,” you hum and toss in a chip as the dealer prompts for a bet.

“Not you though, I can sense it. ‘Sides, Pookie don’t like the insecure ones, ya know? He needs a girl gonna pull him around by his mustache.”

“He’s… unique,” you agree.

“Oh, he’s always been a special one. Me and Harley knew it from the start. ‘Fraid we didn’t do too good about the only child complex. He does love attention.”

“That’s one way to put it,” you scoff as your money is swiped away with a loss. Dotty on the other hand and handed a generous pot.

“Ah, you know the men folk, they gotta put on the brave face but they’re all melt like sugar in water once they got a woman’s hand around there… well,” she cackles shrilly and pushes her winning backs into the centre to wager. She either doesn’t care or doesn’t realise the risk. “Let me tell you, Harley lumbers ‘round like that Frankenstein fella, barely a word to be heard, but I get him on his back and he’s whimpering like a giddy puppy.”

“Dot,” you gasp.

She laughs and waves away your surprise, “like father, like son, I’m sure. You don’t gotta play coy with me. And knowin’ Lloyd, you don’t need any tips, neither. Oh, but we did try something new. Hon, you ever play around with hot wax–”

“Right, uh, no, not, um, yet?” You clear your throat awkwardly, the conversation veering well out of your control. She really is a lot like Lloyd.

“Too bad, but I think you’ll like your wedding present. We had it sent to your room for tonight,” she explains as another gambler takes the seat at her other side. She turns to greet the stranger with her fuschia painted smile, “oh, hello! You ready to lose?”

The man grunts and offers little rebuttal as he puts in for the pot. You pass as Dotty puts her elbow up on the table, “oh, wow, is that a tattoo? Oh, lord, can I see?”

You watch her long acrylics graze the man’s arm brazenly. She is the biggest flirt in the world. You’re happy enough to fade into her shadow. 

“Uhhhh,” the man drones in confusion.

“I been thinking of getting one, ‘bout time I’d say,” she pushes her chest out and puts her hands to her tits, “was thinkin’ a little bumble bee on the one and a honey pot on the other.”

The stranger chuckles, “cute, er, it’s just a lion,” he unbutton his shirt to reveal the rest of the snarling beast, only its mane visible previously along the edge of his collar. Dotty touches his firm peck and traces the line with her fingertip.

“Oh, you're so strong,” she preens, “did it hurt?”

“Little,” the man doesn’t pull away, apparently too dumbfounded to stop the groping.

“Dot,” you hiss and nudge her, “maybe we should move on–”

“And how’s a man like you all alone?” She ignores you.

“Well, I… I’m waiting for my buddies,” he shrugs as she caresses his chest and reluctantly pulls away.

“Early bird,” she praises, “what are you and your buddies doin’ in a place like this?”

“Bachelor party,” he answers, “gonna play some tables, see where the night leads.”

“Sounds delightful,” she claps and kicks her feet cheerily, “oh my, where are my manners, I’m Dotty, in my day they called me Naughty Dotty, and this is my daughter.” You give a small wave as she introduces you with a wave of her hand, “she just got married herself but you see, she didn’t get no bachelorette, so we’re here doin’ our best.”

“Oh, um,” the man leans over, “congrats, I, um, I’m Colin.”

You withhold a cringe. Of course that’s his name. Of course. You smile as Dotty squeezes his arm, “do you mind if maybe we tag along til your friends come around…” she gives a dramatic look around, “got all these creeps hangin’ around and I’m a small town girl, I wouldn’t mind a strong man to scare ‘em off.”

“Ah, sounds alright,” he says with a lilt of confusion.

“I’ll give you half my winnings even,” she offers, “big boy like you, you could take the whole pot.”

You try to hide your amusement as the man blushes. You lean over and lower your voice, “Dotty, maybe you should tone it down?”

“Nonsense, I love my husband,” she whispers back, “ain’t nothing wrong with a little flirting,” she shifts and covers her mouth, “he likes to fuck me when I tell him all about the young ones.”

Your eyes round and try not choke on your tongue. Well, this is gonna be an interesting night. Far from what you expected.

💎

“Dot, Dot, Dot!” The chant fills your ears as the half-dozen men slam their fists on the table.

Your mother-in-law tips the tall glass back as she drains it with ease, a trickle slipping down to her chin as she gulps down the lager. Your purgatory feels rather dull as you sip at a glass of tame lemonade and watch with startled fascination. She finishes and raises it in victory before plunking it down.

“You’re turn, baby boy,” she points at the thick blond with his burly shoulders, “take that shirt off.”

You shake your head. Your pleas for her to settle have gone unheard and at this point, you can only enjoy the show. It’s actually pretty amused by the whole show. You wonder if Lloyd knows about his mother’s antics. Either way, you can’t say it’s a boring night.

The man, Justin, shifts as another moves along the bench and he lays across the leather. He lifts his shirt and Colin puts a shot in his belly button before stepping back. Dotty bends to squeeze a trickle of lime along his stomach and licks the trail down to the glass before taking it in her mouth and standing to throw it back.

The men cheer again as she wobbles slightly in her heels. Your own feet are screaming from the strappy monstrosities you’d walked the expanse of the casino in. Dotty climbs up to straddle Justin and throws her arm up like a cowboy as she pretends to ride him like a horse.

“Okay, wow,” you shove your lemonade aside, “Dotty, I think it’s a bit late,” you stand as you raise your voice.

“Nooooo,” the symphony of male voices rumbles around you.

“Yes,” you insist as you grab her elbow and turn to speak to her directly, “what about Lloyd? Harlan?”

“They can wait, the night is young–”

“It’s after midnight,” you say.

“Oh, ain’t nothin’ wrong with some fun,” she warbles as she shakes you off, “eh.”

She reaches drunkenly to your strap and pulls it down your shoulder. You curse as your tit pops out and you quickly cover it back up as the men cheer again.

“Don’t she got a set, boys,” she trills and pushes herself off Justin. She faces you and gropes your chest, “come on and get a feel–”

“Woah, woah, stop,” you catch her wrists and shove her away.

“Yeah, stop,” a deep timbre undercuts the din, “ma.”

Dotty’s head wobbles as you both turn to face Lloyd. He doesn’t look impressed as his mother catches your arm and leans on you heavily. She giggles as you give him a look between desperation and shame.

“Pa’s waiting,” Lloyd marches forward and clutches her other elbow.

“Eh, who are you?” Colin comes up behind Dotty.

“This is my son,” Dotty strokes Lloyd’s sleeve lovingly, “isn’t he so cute?”

“Alright, let’s go,” Lloyd snarls as he pulls her forward, her heels clacking under her as you take her other arm, “sweet cheeks,” he speaks over her head, “hope you didn’t get your fill.”

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"Alpha, Beta (& Omega)"

Rated: Explicit

Chapter Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5652

Pairing: Steve x Bucky

Tags: a/b/o, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, nobility/royalty au, alternate history, dom/sub elements, beta bucky, anal sex, oral sex, hurt/comfort, first time, age gap, domestic discipline, spanking, head of household, wedding night, Edwardian time period, m/f/m poly marriage

Summary: To save House Barnes from scandalous ruin, James must agree to a contracted marriage, accepting Lord Senator Steven Rogers as his Alpha, Husband, and Headship.

To read previous parts of this series first, go to the story's masterlist

14. A Tour of the Continent

This Chapter: “Don’t have’ta fight me anymore, Buck. I’m not gonna leave you. I’m your Headship and I’m gonna take care’a you. Just gotta trust me to do that for you, Baby.” TW: [dub-con sex at the end of this one.]

They leave for the continent the next day.

Sharon and Pietro spend the morning packing up, and when they drive to the channel harbor, Bucky seizes the first opportunity he sees to misbehave. Steve has gone off to purchase ferry tickets and left him in the first-class lounge, when Bucky spots his chance in the form of three reporters. 

Society page writers are easily distinguishable from the general public. They tend to congregate in small groups in places like this, always seeming to have a low, eager chatter about them as they wait. They dress common but sharp, wear press badges on their lapels, and almost always have notepads and pens in hand, an assistant one step behind with a camera box tucked under their arm. Bucky could spot them a mile away.

They haven’t taken notice of him yet, but he quickly walks up and makes himself obvious. In the States, they would’ve jumped at the sight of him, but now it takes the senior most reporter giving Bucky a double take before anything happens. “Your … Your Lordship?” the man hedges, eyeing Bucky carefully. “Oh! Young Lord Barnes, is that you?”

Bucky acts marginally bothered at being noticed. “Yes,” he confirms. “Good day.” The other reporters perk up and act more enthused at the confirmation of who Bucky is. Eager to have discovered someone of importance, they crowd closer and start asking him about his marriage to Steve and his trip to Europe. Bucky answers their questions politely, if somewhat haughtily. He’s waiting for just the right chance to say something utterly outrageous, when the senior reporter surprises him by asking,

“And what about your father’s expulsion from the Senate? Have you spoken with your family since the ruling came down?”

Bucky freezes. “What?” he says. “His … his what?” He feels his heart thud faster in his chest. He hadn’t known the news had broken yet, hadn’t thought the inditement was supposed be made public until—

“The Senate voted to impeach days ago.” The reporter looks at him expectantly. “Don’t you have anything to say about your husband’s vote? Were you surprised?”

“Are you angry with him?” another of the reporters asks.

Bucky gapes. “His … his vote?” He knows he sounds like a stammering idiot, but he was completely unprepared for this. “My husband?” A feeling of dread is overtaking him as he begins to make sense of the reporters’ questions. Oh no, he thinks. It can’t be. Steve couldn’t … he wouldn’t have …

“What was your reaction when you heard that your husband voted ‘Yea’ for the motion to impeach?”

Bucky feels sick. “What?!”

The reporters all pause, looking taken aback at Bucky’s response. They seem to realize that this is news to him, and that just gets them more excited. They jump into another round of hasty questions: How could he not know? Hasn’t he been paying attention to the news? Has his new Alpha been isolating him?

Bucky gapes at them stupidly for another moment, before finally shouting at them to “Shut up! Be quiet!” He’s breathing heavily, face flushed with embarrassment and nerves. His mind is reeling, and all he can think about is that Steve voted ‘Yea’ for his father’s impeachment. Bucky can’t believe it! When would he even have had the time to … 

Oh. He thinks of that morning several days ago, when he’d woken and Steve hadn’t been in the apartment. How Sharon had said Steve was called away to a meeting, how Steve had come home and said himself that there’d been a motion called, that he’d had to go send a telegram instructing ‘how he wanted his vote to go’.

The sick feeling in Bucky’s gut turns sour and acidic, churning itself from horror to fury in an instant. He grits his teeth and fumes over it: Steve had been out sending his vote to ruin Bucky’s family, strip them of their title and their place in Society! And all the while Bucky's been touring London with the bastard! Sleeping with him! Bucky swears he sees red.

He whirls back to face the reporters. “My husband voted the way he was expected to,” he snaps. “He followed along after his peers in the Senate, toed the party line, because that’s all he’s capable of doing. I know for a fact that he didn’t even read the indictment. I’ve seen the way he works. He inherited his family’s Seat before he was ready for the position. His aides basically do his job for him. It’s pathetic.”

The reporters’ eyes have gone huge at Bucky’s scathing remarks. They’re scribbling down his words as fast as their hands can manage, squawking out more intrusive questions like, “Some are saying that your marriage was hastily arranged in anticipation of your House’s scandal. Is this true??”

Bucky sees Steve coming over. He’s looking at the reporters and Bucky, eyes narrowed as he notices that Bucky’s giving an interview. He’ll be in earshot within seconds, and Bucky hurries to say, “Of course it’s true. I only married him for the money he promised my family. I had no idea he’d be so weak as to vote against my father, but I really shouldn’t be surprised. His character is wanting, to say the very least.”

“So it’s not a happy marriage?”

“Are you kidding me?! I can’t stand him.”

“Bucky!” Steve has arrived. He looks utterly alarmed. “What are you doing?” Bucky just glares at him. The reporters start asking Steve questions about all of the things Bucky has just said, but Steve throws up a hand and silences them, snapping, “This is over. I didn’t give permission for my Spouse to be interviewed.”

“But Senator! He—”

“Enough,” Steve growls. He takes Bucky by the arm and begins moving him away. “I’m his Headship, I didn’t authorize this. You know the law. If any of you print a word of what he just said, I’ll have you prosecuted and your publications run into the mud.”

The reporters all start complaining at that, and then when the complaining doesn’t work, they switch to begging Steve to reconsider and grant his permission after all, but it’s too late: He’s already dragging Bucky away from the lounge.

“Turn around and put your hands on the wall,” Steve commands. He doesn’t shout, but it’s still his Voice and it’s absolutely no-nonsense. He’s dragged Bucky into their passenger cabin on the ferry, affording them enough privacy for discipline—and for Bucky to pitch a fit. Bucky snarls at him and jerks away, but Steve recaptures his wrists and shakes him. “Don’t make me hold you.”

“You voted against my father!” Bucky yells. He’s so mad he can practically taste it. “How could you do that, Steve?!”

“I had no choice in the matter and you know it,” Steve says lowly. “The evidence was overwhelming. Weapons smuggling, Bucky. He put our national security at risk just to pad his own purse.”

“It’s my family!”

Steve glares at him. “Put. your hands. on the wall.” When Bucky hesitates, he threatens, “If you don’t do it on your own, I’m tripling the punishment.”

Bucky swallows heavily, some of his anger replaced by trepidation. He’s never seen Steve look so mad. Doubt flashes through him and he worries that maybe he went too far with what he said to the reporters. But no, he thinks, squashing that down. Steve deserves it and more. “I hate you,” he hisses. Slowly, he turns to face the cabin’s wall. He raises both hands up to the level of his shoulders and places his palms flat against the wood paneling.

Steve steps up against his side, close enough that he can murmur in his ear, “You are never to give unauthorized comments to the Society pages, do you understand me?”

Bucky clenches his teeth together. “Whatever,” he grits out. He’s startled into a yelp when Steve’s hand comes down unexpectedly, spanking him over the fabric of his trousers. “Ow!”

“You are never to give unauthorized comments to the Society pages,” he repeats. “Do you understand me?” He hits him again, making Bucky gasp,

“Yes!”

Steve's hand comes down once more, which is almost more than Bucky can take—not physically but mentally. He’s so mad at Steve he can hardly stand it, and now he’s burning with the humiliation of being disciplined as well. When Steve steps away and tells him he can bring his hands down, Bucky whirls around with a glare. “Get away from me,” he hisses. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Steve seals his lips tight together and says nothing. He just shakes his head in frustration at Bucky and goes to sit down on one of the cabin’s couches. “I can’t believe you,” he huffs. “Utterly disgraceful.”

Bucky feels humiliated tears prick at the edges of his eyes. He swipes at them hastily, hoping that Steve doesn’t notice. “You can say that again," he mumbles. They sit in obstinate silence for a long time. Neither one of them willing to break the stalemate as the horns blare and the ferry's engines shudders into motion.

Eventually, Steve sighs and says somberly, “Come on, Buck. You’re not stupid. You knew what they had on your father. You know how politics work.”

“Still doesn’t mean you couldn’tve—”

“He was wrong, Bucky. What he did was wrong. He deserved to be ousted.”

Bucky clenches his mouth shut, unwilling to admit that Steve’s right. It hurts too much. “My family—”

“Will be fine,” Steve finishes for him. “I’ve seen to it.” Bucky continues to fume and Steve shakes his head. “Just stop it,” he chides. “Sit down and relax.”

“Relax? You just spanked me!”

“A grand total of three times. You deserved it, and you’re fine,” Steve says. “I went easy on you.”

Bucky can’t argue that, because really? he knows that Steve did. It still infuriates him that he had to take it, though. “I hate you,” he mutters again, sitting down on the couch opposite of Steve’s. “And I hope they print every word I said.”

“It was all lies.”

“I don’t care.”

Steve inhales deeply and lets it out slowly, like he’s trying to keep his patience with Bucky. When he speaks next, his voice is surprisingly soft. “Bucky?” he says.

“What?”

“Look at me.”

Bucky glances up, meeting Steve’s eyes a little nervously at his eerily quiet tone. “What?”

“I don’t want to hit you, ever.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“But it’s becoming very clear to me that I’ll have to. You’re out of line.” Bucky’s eyes widen, and before he can formulate a response Steve adds, “So let me make this perfectly clear to you: The next time you act up like this, you won’t be getting off with three smacks over your clothes. Disrespecting me in public? Slandering our House?” He shakes his head. “Not happening anymore.”

“Says you.”

“Hey. I’ve never been anything but nice to you,” Steve snaps, losing his composure. “There’s no good reason for you to behave like this!”

(There’s one, Bucky thinks sorely. Though Steve doesn’t know it, yet.)

“From now on, if you insist on stepping out of your place, I’ll put you back in it.” Bucky’s nostrils flare, ready to throw out a nasty retort, but Steve beats him to the chase, Voicing, “Say: ‘yes, Husband’.”

“You do know I’m not omega, right? I don’t actually have to—”

“Bucky.”

“Fine!” Bucky snaps. “Fine, Steve. You win. I won’t talk to the press.” He already knows he shouldn’t have done it, knows he’s being outrageously disobedient and disrespectful and immature. He also knows that he’ll have to soldier on with doing just that, if he ever wants this marriage to end. After today, though, that prospect seems much more daunting than it originally had. He isn’t looking forward to it.

After the episode with the reporters, Bucky is careful to choose slightly less extreme ways to act up. He needs to drive Steve away, but figures that slow and steady disobedience will win the race. No need to push Steve so hard that the alpha takes it out on his hide. So, Bucky refrains from the whole public disrespect tactic and takes a more subtle approach.

“Subtle” translates to the following:

1. Leaning too far over the edge of the Eiffel tower restaurant’s deck, even after Steve repeatedly tells him not to. Then spitting escargot into his napkin in plain sight of their waiter with an immature “Ew! Snails, seriously? French people are nuts.”

2. Touching artifacts in Venice that he very well knows he’s not supposed to be touching, in full view of their displeased tour guide. (“Sir! Please, control your Spouse!”)

3. Removing his swim trunks at the beach in Mykonos before Steve can stop him. (“It’s a nude beach, Steve. They’re used to it here. It’s no big deal!”)

That last one results in a rather flustered Steve dragging him back into their whitewashed villa and shoving him down on the bed. Bucky gasps, bouncing once on the mattress and watching with wide eyes as Steve shucks off his own swim trunks, grabs something from the bedside table and tosses it to the blankets. He climbs up over Bucky.

“What’re you—”

“Shut up.” He pushes him down by the shoulders and kisses him hotly. 

Bucky moans despite himself, Steve’s sun-warmed skin feeling so good up against his own. His hands fly to Steve’s body without thought, running over the hard muscles of his back. Bucky feels his cock taking interest and he makes a questioning noise when Steve pulls back from the kiss. “I thought you were mad?” he breathes.

“I am,” Steve says, but he just goes back to kissing him hotly, running his hands all over him and rubbing their bodies together. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he tells him, flipping him over and reaching into the bedcovers for the jar of— 

Oh. Bucky inhales sharply when he feels the wet swipe of fingers over his entrance. They haven’t been intimate since the night of his nightmare, back in London. “Steve,” he breathes.

“Tell me no,” Steve says quietly, voice right by his ear. “Or else spread your legs.”

Heat pools low in Bucky's gut at hearing that, and he instinctively parts his legs, wanting to please his Alpha, wanting more of that quiet, domineering tone directed at him. Steve makes a rumbling sound of approval and slots a thigh between his legs, keeping them apart. He rubs the slick around his hole, presses and works the muscle without pushing inside. He waits until Bucky starts to react, then works him open on one, two, three; fingering him until he’s gasping and humping against the bed and pleading for more. “Steve,” he whines. “Come on.”

“Come on what?” he goads. “What do you want, hm? Want me inside you?”

“Yes!” Bucky hisses, frustrated. After stripping on the beach, he thought Steve was dragging him back here to discipline him. Now that he knows he’s getting fucked, he can hardly stand waiting for it. It suddenly occurs to Bucky that he’s terribly horny, and has been for days. “Come on,” he grunts, impatient.

Steve grips him by the hair to bend his neck, weighing him down with his body and scraping his teeth over the faint mark of where he’d bitten him that night.

Bucky shivers at the possessive gesture. He so does not regret having shed his swim trunks now. “You don’t like other people seeing me naked,” he says breathily, delighting at the idea of it.

“No, I don’t.” Steve nips him again. “Your body’s for me, not anybody else.” He plants his knees outside of Bucky’s and shoves his legs together, holding him still that way. He fits his cock against his entrance, the head of it blunt and intimidating. “Say it,” he commands.

Against the covers, Bucky's mouth curls and his cock throbs. “No.”

“Say it.”

He groans, both at Steve’s Voice and at the way he’s rubbing the head of his dick against his rim—pressing but not penetrating, not quite. “Fine,” Bucky huffs, giving in because he just wants it so bad. “'My body’s not for anybody else'.” His cheeks burn hot as he admits it, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t aroused by the way Steve's pushing him around and demanding things of him. "Happy?" he snarks.

Steve's fingers tighten warningly in his hair, but he rewards him for the submission by pressing in, firm and slow, and they both groan in tandem as he's filled. Steve doesn’t stop until he’s fully seated, hips flush to Bucky's ass, his heavy body weighing him into the sheets.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathes. Steve is just holding still, his cock big and throbbing inside of him. “Ugh, move,” Bucky urges, trying to wiggle under his weight. “Steve, fuck, you gotta—Ah!” Steve snaps his hips back and fucks into him sharply, punching the breath right out of Bucky's lungs.

“Mine,” he growls.

“Fuck, yeah okay, whatever,” Bucky says, not really caring if Steve wants to say bossy shit right now. Just so long as he keeps moving, keeps fucking into him real firm and good. He’s so heavy behind Bucky, keeping him flat to the bed as he ruts into him. Bucky’s cock is absolutely trapped, rubbing deliciously against the sheets in a way that feels amazing, and pretty soon he feels himself ramping up towards orgasm from the stimulation. “C-close,” he gasps, wanting Steve to know how goddamn good he’s fucking him. “Oh, God.”

Steve growls and pulls them both back, pulls Bucky’s hips up off the bed and loops his forearm under his waist, holding him close. He fucks him harder and faster, his chest sealed to Bucky's back, their balls knocking together with every thrust. His hand closes around Bucky’s cock and Bucky shouts. “Yes,” Steve growls, jerking him off roughly. “Come on.” 

It only takes a good few pulls until Bucky starts to come, moaning and shooting his load all over the sheets. Steve really lets himself go to town after that, dropping Bucky’s spent dick and grabbing his hips instead, pistoning his hips at a brutal pace. His hot, panting breaths collect against Bucky’s sweaty neck and their skin slaps together as he fucks into him hard. Finally, he stutters, moans turning guttural as he reaches down. Bucky feels his hand back there: the ever-familiar motion of Steve desperately squeezing his knot, milking the orgasm out of himself and into Bucky’s ass. 

The mental image of it makes Bucky's balls throb and his cock twitch in a delicious aftershock. He groans against the bed, hardly caring as he collapses into his own sticky mess. “Ugh.”

4. He wanders off and gets lost in the biggest city in Turkey.

In all fairness, he doesn’t really mean to. He sneaks off from Steve, intending to remain close by and only make the other man think that he’s lost him. But he winds up losing track of Steve and then, well … then he gets all turned around.

He tries to remember the places he and Steve said that they would see in the city that day, thinking that maybe if he can make his way to one of those places, he might meet up with him. But going anywhere on his own proves to be quite the mistake. The roads and shop signs are all in Turkish, after all, and nobody speaks English.

Bucky gets increasingly embarrassed as he realizes that he has no clue how he’s going to find his way back to Steve or to their hotel. He’s been trying to figure out a solution by himself for over two hours and is just starting to contemplate taking himself to the nearest police station for help, when Steve shows up.

“Bucky! Thank God!”

Bucky whirls around, heart leaping at the sound of Steve’s voice, then at the sight of him. He heaves a sigh, full body, so relieved that he could laugh. He feels like he almost does. “Oh, God,” he says. “Steve!” He rushes forward, prepared to … he doesn’t know, maybe hug him out of sheer relief, but comes up short when he sees the look on Steve’s face. “Steve?” he asks. The alpha looks like he’s halfway ready to be sick, or scream. “Steve, I—”

“Did you do it on purpose?” Steve asks, tone unnaturally stiff. It’s like he’s trying with all his might to keep his voice neutral, waiting on Bucky’s answer.

Bucky gulps, wanting to lie but knowing he needs to tell the truth. That’s what’ll piss Steve off, after all. This feels dangerous though, like maybe he’s reaching a tipping point with Steve. He has to tread carefully. “I … yes,” he admits. “But I was just going to pretend! Then tail you. I didn’t mean to actually get—”

“Goddammit Bucky!” Steve hisses, hands flying up to rake through his hair. “Why do you keep doing this?! Why?!” When Bucky’s mouth opens and closes a few times, too nervous to answer, Steve says, “I don’t get you. It wasn’t like this in the beginning. You weren’t like this. What changed?”

Bucky stares at him, guts twisting in guilt at Steve’s words. “I … I just …”

“What?” Steve throws up his hands. “Ever since England it’s like you’re a different person. What are you trying to do, make me hate you?”

Bucky inhales, tensing up. His eyes flick nervously around and he instantly knows his face gives him away. He curses himself for not being able to school his expression faster. Steve’s eyes widen in understanding, and Bucky’s insides twist harder. “I didn’t—”

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Steve stares at him, slack-jawed. “That’s what you’ve been doing. Trying to get me mad enough to what? Divorce you?” Again, Bucky knows he gives himself away just by the way he stands there frozen in place, mortification coloring his cheeks. Steve’s face collapses into a scowl. “Fuck, are you serious?”

Bucky finally manages to scrounge up some sort of answer. He juts his chin out. “I never wanted this marriage and neither did you. If you just divorced me, I could have the life I wanted, my family would still have the money and you … you could marry somebody else.”

“Somebody else? Who?”

Bucky shrugs, thinking of Peggy Carter and her pretty face. “I dunno. Someone who wants this life. Someone you love.”

Steve squints at him. “Bucky … That’s so stupid.”

“It is not!”

“I want to be married to you!” Steve snaps, and the veracity with which he says it takes Bucky by surprise.

“You … you do?”

“Yes!” Steve stalks over and grabs him by the back of the neck and scruffs him, bearing his teeth at Bucky when he gasps. “Do you have any idea how worried I was when I couldn’t find you? In a city like this?!”

Bucky cringes. “I didn’t think—”

“No, you didn’t think.” Steve scruffs him again. “Look around you! We’re in freaking Istanbul, Bucky! Do you know how many Western betas and omegas are kidnapped out here? Sold into slavery?” He glares at him. “You could’ve been taken. With a pedigree like yours you’re practically a walking target!”

“Okay!” Bucky yells, jerking angrily in Steve’s hold. “Jesus. I’m sorry!”

Steve stares at him, and his face goes from angry to stony in only a few short seconds. It’s like he’s drawing into himself, gearing up for battle. It’s awful. “No,” he growls. “Not yet you’re not.” He tugs Bucky by the grip on his neck. “Come on.”

“W-where are we going?”

“Back to the hotel.”

In their room, Steve points at the bed. “Sit down.”

Bucky obeys, dread curling in his gut because this is different from the time he spoke to the press, or mouthed off at that priest. Steve isn’t livid now like he was then. Oh, he’s angry all right, but this time it’s a different sort of anger. It feels quieter, more dangerous, like a storm that’s about to break. “Steve,” he tries, worried. “I’m—”

“Be quiet,” Steve says. He stands in front of him, arms crossed, face pinched. “You put yourself in real danger today, do you understand that?”

Bucky flushes and looks down. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you remember what I told you I’d do, if you ever put yourself in danger?”

Bucky’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. He remembers. In front of him, Steve nods like he’s made up his mind. Bucky has a bad feeling about this. “Steve, please—”

“Get up,” he says quietly. “I want you to stand up and take off your clothes. All of them.” His tone is calm, but it leaves no room for argument. Bucky’s either going to have to fight, or else obey.

He swallows heavily, not sure his pride can handle a struggle where he winds up losing to Steve anyway. Inhaling shakily, he stands up. “I didn’t mean to get lost,” he mumbles, hands already moving to take off his clothes.

“I know,” Steve says. “You’re not being disciplined for getting lost. You’re being disciplined for making stupid and selfish choices that wound up putting you in unnecessary danger.”

Bucky has to grind his teeth together to keep himself from talking back. If Steve’s about to spank him, he doesn’t want to make it any worse for himself. He strips down to his underwear, and with one last questioning glance at Steve, pulls those off as well. Steve looks him over dispassionately, which only makes it more humiliating.

“I want you to bend over the edge of the mattress,” he says quietly. “Grab one of the pillows and put it beneath your hips.”

Bucky flushes and glares at Steve, but he does as told, positioning himself with slow, awkward movements. Once he’s bent over and just about as embarrassed as he’s ever been in his life, Steve’s hand appears on his back. Bucky inhales in surprise, and Steve shushes him.

“I’m going to give you a choice,” he says.

“… What?”

He rubs up and down the center of Bucky’s back, eliciting goosebumps. “You can take thirty with my hand, or ten with my belt. It’s up to you.”

Bucky’s guts clench in trepidation. Both options sound horrible. “Th-thirty?” he stammers.

“Mmhm, or ten with the belt.”

Bucky’s eyes fall shut in defeat. Thirty sounds unbearable. He’s never been hit with a belt, but if it’s only ten times … He licks his lips and somehow manages to croak out, “Ten.”

Steve doesn’t say anything, he just removes his hand and stands back. It’s quiet except for the light ‘clink’ of metal and ‘whiff’ of a belt being pulled from its loops. Something strange and confusing swirls low Bucky’s belly at those sounds, at the feeling of Steve touching the folded-over length of leather against his bare ass. “I want you to count them,” he says, voice still so terribly quiet.

Bucky shivers. “Okay.” 

One is such a shock that the pain isn’t even fully appreciated. He gasps and jerks where he lies, all the breath knocked out of him. “Oh!”

Steve doesn’t hit him again right away. He puts his hand on him again, large and warm in the middle of his back. “Count it,” he says.

Bucky swallows past his dry mouth and whispers, “One.”

“Good,” Steve says. “Now hold still.”

Each lash after that first one is terrible. It hurts so much that it makes Bucky feel panicked, convinced that he can’t bear it. He yells out each time, and each time Steve waits for him to calm down, strokes his back or his hair, murmuring soft reassurances. It’s intimate, awful, and mortifying—but Bucky thinks silent and distant would almost be worse. By the time the ninth strike lands, Steve is petting the backs of his fingers against Bucky’s cheek and telling him he’s good, that he can do this. And after the tenth, Bucky is crying. 

“Count it, Honey,” Steve reminds him, when Bucky’s last shout has dissolved into soft sobs. “Come on.”

Bucky gulps in air and gasps, “Ten!” He’s never felt more unmoored in his life. He feels devastated. “Ten, ten, ten.”

Distantly, he registers the sound of Steve’s belt dropping to the floor, feels him moving. Steve takes the jar of lubricant from the bedside table, and Bucky’s breath catches in a tiny whimper when he sees it. He’s horrified as he feels blood pulse low in his groin, his cock awakening as if he could possibly have any interest in Steve touching him right now. “What?” he starts to ask, sniffling and wiping his messy face against the bedsheets. He tries to move, to get up, but Steve’s hand pushes down between his shoulder blades. The other slides down between his cheeks. Bucky cries out at the first touch of slick fingers at his entrance, but the sound morphs into a moan as his cock meets the soft pressure of the pillow that’s still trapped beneath his hips. “S-steve …”

“Shhh,” Steve soothes, holding him down as he wets him up and eases the tip of a finger inside. Bucky gasps and whimpers, embarrassment searing through him in a way it never has before. He shakes his head in denial, but between his legs, his cock is hardening rapidly. “Just let me do this,” Steve says. And it’s not bossy, is the thing: The way he says it is tender, almost hopeful in its assuredness. The hand that’s been holding Bucky down lets up and starts rubbing his back, up and down his spine, like he’s some skittish animal that needs to be calmed. Bucky exhales a long, shuddery breath and hears Steve’s pleased hum. “Good.” He works his finger for a long time before easing in another. “You did good, Bucky. Took your punishment just fine. It’s all over.” He works him open, curling on each drag out, humming when he hears Bucky’s gasps of pleasure. “There you go. Just relax now.”

Bucky keens miserably and scrubs his burning face against the bedcovers. He can’t stand it, hearing Steve talk to him like this, praising him and being sweet to him after he’s just humiliated him so badly. He feels like an open wound, oversensitive and raw and vulnerable. Even the pleasure that Steve’s giving him is overwhelming, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. When Steve removes his fingers and starts pressing in with his cock, Bucky lets out a tortured sob. “Oh! Steve.” The ache from the belt flares to life in his ass and his cock pulses against the pillow. He thrashes, upset. “Nngh …”

Steve folds over him, heavy and warm, pressing them together full-body as he bottoms out. “Shhh,” he soothes, holding still inside, letting Bucky feel where they’re connected. “You’re good, Buck. It’s all gonna be okay.”

Bucky shakes his head, so confused by everything that he’s feeling. He’s so embarrassed, so humiliated and ashamed, angry at Steve for hurting him like this. But he’s desperate for comfort and now Steve’s providing it and he can’t stop himself from liking it. His ass may ache, but inside it feels good: Being covered by Steve’s heavy body and held by his arms feels good, knowing that his Alpha isn't mad at him anymore feels good. “Nnuh,” he grunts again, fighting it. “Mnn, no.”

Steve starts to roll his hips, smooth, easy movements that drag his cock over Bucky’s inner walls in just the right way. Bucky moans, unable to stop the jagged little pants that escape him with every thrust in. He turns his face the other way, trying to escape Steve’s attention, but the alpha follows him, planting his forearm on the bed and dipping in close. He kisses the edge of his mouth and whispers, “Open your eyes, Sweetheart.” 

Bucky whines but obeys. He blinks at Steve through tear-clogged lashes and whimpers confusedly. Steve somehow understands, and kisses him again. “S’okay, Buck,” he says, hips moving smooth and easy, keeping their bodies close, like he knows it’s what Bucky needs to keep from shattering apart. “I’ve got you, Sweetheart. I’m not mad. You’re good. You did so good.” 

Bucky’s face burns and his cock jerks each time he fails to contain a moan or whimper at what Steve’s doing to him and how good it feels to submit, the humiliation and pleasure warring in his gut only driving him closer to orgasm. Steve just keeps whispering gentle things to him as he fucks him softly: “Don’t have’ta fight me anymore, Buck. I’m not gonna leave you. I’m your Headship and I’m gonna take care’a you. Just gotta trust me to do that for you, Baby.”

Mortifyingly, he can feel himself getting close the more Steve says, the coil of pleasure in his belly tightening with every humiliating promise, and his hips rutting with increasing desperation against the pillow beneath them. He moans and jerks miserably, tears still pricking at his eyes because he’s been scraped raw by this, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind. He just holds him down and kisses the tears away. 

When one of his hands slides overtop of Bucky’s on the bed and laces their fingers together, Bucky cries out and goes tense, right on the edge. “Oh!” … And then Steve’s other hand slips under, wedging between Bucky and the pillow, finding his cock and wrapping around it and stroking. Bucky’s breath punches out of him in a warbled, broken sob as he starts to come.

It’s the most confusing orgasm he’s ever had.

After that night in Istanbul, things are different between them. There’s a fragile peace between them as they travel back across the continent by train, as though they’ve drawn a tentative truce without speaking a word. Bucky is uncharacteristically meek, as the memory of the things Steve did to him lingers in his mind, making him blush and draw into himself whenever he thinks about it. He doesn’t know exactly how to feel. He’s baffled that he’s feeling anything other than anger and indignity, but it’s like Steve fucked those emotions right out of him, and Bucky hasn’t yet figured out what they’ve been replaced with. 

The welts from Steve’s belt take two days to fade, and by the time they board the ship that’ll take them back to America, the soreness is completely gone as well.

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[cupofsapphics]

A NEW CHAPTER

[regina mills x reader]

summary: hook and emma are about to get married tonight. after long consideration and years of being together with her, there would be no better time to surprise her.

warning(s): none

a/n: let’s pretend that there wasn’t the dark fairy and no curse looming over them

Your hands were shaking. To anyone who didn’t know any better, they would think that you were worried for Emma, since it was her wedding tonight and you were the maid of honor. However, there was another reason that you were nervous, a reason that you confided in Emma the night before.

“What? You’re gonna propose to Regina? At my wedding?”

“I know, I know, it’s your wedding and maybe I should find a more unique and sentimental place to propose-“

“No, I’m glad that you’re gonna propose to her at my wedding! It’s perfect, a celebration after another celebration.”

It didn’t sound as easy as you made it to be in your head. You were looking through your closet for a good outfit for the wedding, occasionally glancing at the ring in the velvet box, shining brightly under the sunlight. You sighed. Even after Emma’s reassurance that everything would be okay, you were having second thoughts on this.

Your thoughts are halted to a stop when you hear footsteps coming towards the room. Frantically reaching for the ring, you shut the box and stuffed it in your pocket. Just as you hid the box, Snow, Emma, Zelena, and Henry barged in.

“Good lord, could you at least learn how to knock?” You asked.

“Nope, not when you’re gonna propose to my sister tonight.” Zelena stated proudly.

You whipped your head to face Emma. “Seriously? You told them?”

She shrugged nonchalantly and went over to your closet.

“Oh, I’m so excited! I know I was excited when Hook proposed to Emma, but now I’m really excited. I just know that Regina is gonna say yes. She deserves to be happy and you make her happy.” Snow rapidly goes on.

You look at Henry. “Are you okay with this, Henry?” The boy nodded with a comforting smile. “I have confidence in you, you can do this. I know you can propose to my mom.”

Your gaze met Zelena and Emma’s who bore disappointed expressions. You raised an eyebrow. “Nothing in this closet is good enough to wear tonight”, Zelena says exasperated. Kind of offended, your taste in clothing wasn’t that bad.

“Luckily I’ve got just the solution.” Zelena grinned mischievously. Over the past few hours, Zelena got your measurements and was debating with Snow on which outfit to go with while you were chatting with Emma and Henry. “So, are you excited, nervous, both?” You chuckled at her attempts to make you relaxed. “I should be asking you that, Emma. Have you decided what dress to wear to the wedding?” “Yep, we’ve got everything handled.”

After much back and forth bickering, everyone decided on a light seafoam blue dress that had a V-neckline that didn’t plunge too far and flowy short sleeves. Snow looked at her watch. “It’s almost time for the wedding. We’ll see you there.”

It was all a blur from there. Emma walked down the aisle, the two said their vows, there was dancing, and now people are getting settled down and eating cake. You caught the four giving you glances urging you to do it soon. Where was Regina? You searched for her and found her chatting with Charming. Perfect, you smiled. She was right by the center of the roof. Grabbing the rest of your drink, you downed it, praying it could give you the rest of the courage you needed to pop the question.

As you moved past everyone. it felt like time had slowed down and you came closer and closer towards Regina with every stride you took. It was only a matter of time until Regina stopped talking to Charming and noticed you walking towards her. You stopped right in front of her and it seemed like the entire crowd stopped everything too. Taking a deep breath, you started to talk.

“Regina Mills, you are the most beautiful, kind, funny, loving woman I have ever met and being in your presence always brightens up my day. I love you with all my heart and it would make me the happiest person on Earth if you said yes.”

Regina covered her mouth with her hands, eyes widening as you went down on one knee, taking out the velvet box and opening it. “Will you marry me?”  

“Yes, I would love to marry you.”

As the last word left Regina’s mouth, the entire crowd cheered loudly. Regina looked at you and smiled as you stood up and put the ring on her finger. You were so happy to start a new chapter of your life with her by your side.

[blankinsidecards]

Steddie fic rec list

Absolutely nobody asked for this but here we go! These are my top 5 favorites, meaning they live in my brain 24/7 and I want them tattooed on my eyelids. Edit: this has been updated!

oh, happy dagger on sunshine bones by inallthingsgoodorbad

Rating: M • Edit: Complete!

Eddie Munson is stuck in the Upside Down. Barely alive. Steve Harrington is trying to sleep and failing at it, miserably. What a strange thing it is, to save the world alongside friends and come away from it with nightmares and loneliness.

A fix-it fic to a heart wrenching degree. Deals with the trauma and ptsd of each character in really careful detail, and plots out a bright future for them in the same breath. Lots of gorgeous, if messy, original poetry that fit with Eddie’s emotions throughout the fic in really beautiful ways. This fic is criminally underappreciated, but it’s an absolute masterpiece. Highlights include: the nickname of ‘Angel’, bedsharing, a fluffy lumax subplot that made me sob with joy, a wonderful appreciation for our dear Uncle Wayne Munson, and food as a love language. Slooowww burn with so much pining.

the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic

Rating: E • Complete

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?”

Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth.

As the writer says in the notes of the first chapter, it’s a love letter to “Steve Harrington, father figures, + metalheads everywhere” which I think says more about the feel of it than I can convey here. The way that everyone is written, specifically Joyce and Hopper’s relationships with Steve, as so firmly family is something I didn’t know I needed so bad. I don’t reread fics very often, but I’ve read this one all the way through three times, and have listened to the podfic twice as well. (I’ve never been able to get into podfics but @itty-bitty-blondie did such a beautiful job with it) It will have you ugly crying through every chapter, I guarantee. And as fucking sad as it will make you, it also the softest, most comforting thing I’ve ever read in my life.

You’re Divine by OonionChiver

Rating: E • Edit: Complete!

‘Blood?’ Eddie says again.

Eyes black but for the slice of iridescent white in the centre. His teeth are sharp, his hands are weapons and Steve thinks maybe he’s made a mistake doing this without telling Eddie first. Eddie’s focus lowers, it moves to his left hand which is…

Oh fuck.

It’s dripping blood onto the floor.

‘Shit,’ Steve says, takes a single step back, swallows. ‘Eddie, I’m so sorry, fuck.’

Eddie can’t seem to look away, can’t bring his ethereal gaze back up where it belongs. Steve thinks he should run, he should flee. A tiny part of him knows Eddie will chase him. Eddie will catch him, outrun him easily.

It's more than a little fucked up how that thrills him.

So far, this is definitely my favorite Vampire!Eddie fic I’ve read so far. I’m going to come right out and say it: I’ve read my fair share of toe-curling smut in my time, and this is the only fic that while I was reading it, I felt like I got a ‘New Kink Discovered’ alert. If you like your ships to be co-dependent in the most fucked up ways possible, this is for you. I cannot stress enough how absolutely drunk on this fic I was at the end of the first chapter. Good lord, PLEASE check the tags yourself before reading, it is A Lot. Apart from how hot it is, the author has put a huge amount of detail into the technicalities of Eddie’s vampirism and, I’m not sure if this is accurate due to my own lack of knowledge, but it seems like a lot of it is directly drawn from D&D mechanics and Kas lore. I may be wrong here, but it’s impressive either way. Another big highlight is that they take a sledgehammer to the Mr. & Mrs. Harrington’s shit in a beautifully cathartic way. Don’t be put off by the fact that there’s so few chapters, each chapter is really long and covers several days. It took my two an half hours to read the latest chapter (and I only had to put my phone down to scream into my pillow like, six or seven times)

the lathe by @palmviolet

Rating: M • Complete

"This time, do it right. This time Eddie won’t bleed out in his arms, in anyone’s arms. This time, Steve will do it right."

— or, Steve relives the day they try to kill Vecna over and over, and Eddie just can't seem to stop dying. Steve finds this totally unacceptable.

It’s a time loop fic. It’s a Steve-centric time loop fic. It has more themes and symbolism than Chekhov could shoot a gun at. It peels Eddie’s character apart like an onion. It’s the ultimate put-your-blorbo-in-a-glass-jar-and-study-him-like-a-bug for EITHER of them. It had me waiting like a war widow for each update. I was more anxious over the ending of this fic than I was of the actual s4 vol2. Again, check the tags and individual chapter warnings for yourself because, as the author warns, it really does get so much worse before it gets better- but it gets better. I think this may be one of my favorite fanfics of all time, of any fandom, and that’s really saying something.

a bottle of rouge (just me and you) by @anniebibananie and @galmance

Rating: E • Edit: Complete! • AU

Eddie was sure 1988 was going to be his fucking year. Harringley had finally made it big enough for their first national tour, and, sure, they might all get sick of each other on the bus and kill their livers over the course of several months, but this was his fucking dream. None of that other shit could wreck it.

But Eddie Munson’s life has always been a dumpster fire of massive proportions, so really he should have expected it: Steve Harrington ruining his fucking life.

[Over the course of Harringley’s first national tour, band rules are made, broken, and might just cause feelings that leave them on the precipice of destroying everything they’ve built.]

Eddie-centric band fic where the Fruity Four is a band and everyone is too fucking hot for their own good. Classic friends-with-benefits setup with delightfully fast realizations of Actual Feelings. I’m talking a -‘no fucking bandmates’ rule at the beginning of chapter one, and a blowjob by the end of chapter one- kind of pace. I haven’t seen a lot of bi/pan Eddie fics yet, and this one does a good job describing how he feels attraction. (I’m NOT saying it’s ‘good bi/pan rep’. The man is a SLUT and it’s FUN) I also love how they’ve written Nancy as this hardcore drummer while somehow keeping her completely in character. Highlights include Jonathan Byers being Steve’s ex-boyfriend, Argyle being the band’s beloved bus driver, and several absolutely electric concert scenes. There’s also not a SHRED of ‘period-typical homophobia’ if that’s something you, like me, have a hard time reading.

Edit: the sequel come right inside (welcome to my new life) just began and it’s from Steve’s pov five years later. Where Side A was the epitome of Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll; Side B is already addressing the recovery the characters have needed from that destructive lifestyle, and I’m so down for it. Edit: also now complete and with a very sweet happy ending!

[pixeldistractions]

“Okay. Then, maybe you could tell me how those bunions are treating you?”

She tried to come up with a defense, but she could only laugh.

“I’ve seen your feet, Keri,” he said. “I’ve seen you run ten miles on rocky trails without a hitch. You don’t have bunions. But you’re missing out because I’m a great dancer. I have vacation time if you change your mind. I kind of feel like dancing.”

“It probably won’t be that kind of wedding,” she said. “It’s in a barn. Folksy music and moonshine cocktails in the daytime, hay bales and tea lights, lots of little kids running around.”

“I love kids.”

“Oh, Lord!” Keri spewed. She didn’t mean to blurt that out loud, and he was taken aback for a moment.  

Run! Run as fast as you can!

This was exactly why she couldn’t date him. Or most men, probably. She couldn’t begin to explain the whole ordeal of Lily. How she’d given birth to a child, left her newborn child, and ultimately given her child away to another woman. And he loved kids? Where would she begin? He knew nothing about her. 

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, if you change your mind, my offer stands. And what are you doing for the next ten minutes?”

Man, he was cute. And full of himself. And a little bit sweet. And persistent. It was doing a number on her head and making her heart feel spongy. She didn’t owe anybody any explanation, but she wanted to give him a reason, beyond the mythical bunions, for why she wouldn’t go out with him. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to.

“It’s not you, by the way. I don’t date.”

“Anyone? Ever? For the rest of your life?”

“Sorry.”

“Because of the divorce?”

It was as good an excuse as any. It wasn’t entirely a lie. “You could say that. But I was gonna take a little walk in the woods. I guess you could tag along.”

He looked at her feet in those heels and raised an eyebrow.

“They’re very sensible two-inch pumps,” she said.

“Okay then. Let’s go. I love stories, by the way. If you want to unload some feelings about why your dad loves your ex more than you. Sounds juicy.”

— [x]

[locria-writes]

Hi, I’m pretty sure no anyone else has asked this (sorry if it already was) but it from lore posts it’s seems it’s possible for women to become ruling empresses in essenia?.

I was just wondering, how often has this occurred?, is it seen as a last resort?, is the new empress going to have to deal with allot of sexism and challenges?, is she expected to share power with her husband?, will the kids take her family name so that the dynasty can continue?

oh and most importantly, can she keep a reverse male harem and prevent her husband from having his own 😉

p.s, what about ruling women in nalaantai and gui'ansu?

sorry again for this barrage of questions but I’m high key obsessed with the world you created and can’t wait for the full game to come out

l O r E????? 👁️👄👁️

anon, you're absolutely correct there's nothing in essenian law that outright forbids a woman from becoming an empress regnant. it's just that most of the time, it's prevented by marrying her to a paternal cousin/uncle/nephew/etc. or in the worst case scenario, adopting a suitable man from a cadet family into the main imperial house to keep the throne.

in its two millennia history, there's been exactly three empress regnants who are some, um, colourful characters --

osenna of lunzig -- girlie had a wild life, and technically shouldn't have ever been a potential heiress, but oh well here we are. she's kind of a born-legitimate-then-delegitimized-and-removed-from-the-family-tree-then-hastily-scribbled-back-on kind of gal, and schemed her way to the throne by throwing her half-brothers and stepmother under the bus, kinda sorta maybe poisoning her father after begrudgingly ingratiating herself to him so he would be willing to entertain the idea of her being his heir (or rather, letting her then-husband take the imperial name and become emperor), and forged an edict to annul her marriage with impunity and become empress. fun fact, launcelin is actually her inspiration lol. oh, and she also kind of continued fucking her ex-husband even after their marriage fell apart because he's that pathetic lmao. she ended up adopting her nephew (from her late full-blooded brother), and left him the throne. she isn't looked upon too fondly in essenia, despite doing a good job at ruling, and faced frequent criticism for being a divorced woman, but haters gonna hate.

saint athelys the pious-- not a super dramatic story lol. she was the only child born to the emperor and his wife (with the bonus of being born shortly after her father's coronation), and was basically the only normal one of his kids (her half-siblings were all either violent idiots, suicidally-impulsive idiots, dying idiots, or some mix of the above, while she was demure, polite, and pious). the emperor died when she was sixteen, and everyone basically went 'yeah she's the only viable one'), and hurriedly engaged her to one of her father's younger illegitimate half-brothers, and she kind of sort of accidentally became empress regnant when her half-uncle died of a heart attack right after they finished their wedding ceremony. the court then arranged for her to marry a paternal cousin, who mysteriously disappeared a week before their wedding and was never seen again. her next attempted marriage was to another half-uncle who also died suddenly on their wedding day after becoming sick the day before. anyway, she did fabulously as empress regnant and may or may not have been getting railed by her lord protector (twenty years her senior), and the divine patriarch (her childhood peer) for most of her reign, and quite possibly had both at the same time. she died fairly young, leaving the throne to a paternal cousin, and she was later canonized as a chaste virgin saint lmao.

mehenna the young -- was actually an empress consort at first, married to her paternal half-cousin, but became one in her own right after he died. not much to say about her other than she was the one who personally oversaw the collapse of essenia, and just yeeted out of there before the dust even settled.

polygamy is only allowed for men (a lot of women who have titled in their own rights still have husbands with concubines), but rules really only apply to those without power. i mean, the supposed virgin saint athelys had two main boytoys, but also basically fucked anyone she figured she could use and/or found attractive and trustworthy.

nalaantai (and by extension, zhemingwa) and gui'ansu (plus all other yetakh tribes) don't really feel the need to bend over backwards to prevent women from becoming rulers since there's strong historical precedence.

the entire east was once under either the direct rule, or influence of zhewa nawang, who had several prominent and revered female monarchs and powerful nobles. all of these women who married had their husbands marry into their family, hence the woman was the head of the family, and could prevent her husband from taking concubines, though she was still not legally allowed to take any of her own (though a handful did do so albeit informally).

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I'm so frickin tired but KARMALAND WATCH

Olympics timeeee

AWH….everyone's wearing different jerseys and Vegetta has Mexico :')))

Rubius just found out what Vegetta did to his place (cut down all his pretty Sakura trees and left a giant broken heart statue in his yard)

Rubius: Why is he mad at me? All I did was mess up his wedding and vandalize his house and ruin his life Rubius I hope Vegetta punts you into the SUN

OhoHOHO Luzu getting all agro and telling Rubius he deserves everything bad that happens to him because of what he did to Vegetta. Luzugetta my absolute beloved

Seriously though I love Luzu and Vegetta's friendship so frickin much

Rubius: Illojuan said Karmaland is ending in December, is that true??? Vegetta: I don't know what you're talking about! :) VEGETTA DONT PLAY WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS PLEASE

Everyone's like "lol today's a beach episode!" but I don't trust any of these guys

Vegetta: Karmaland ends in December but you know who won't be there? Illojuan VEGETTA DONT JOKE LIKE THIS

Quackity tweeting about wanting to go back to sleep. Frickin same

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ONLY SLEPT 3 HOURS

Dang dude even my sleep schedule isn't that frickin bad

He sounds EXHAUSTED poor baby

Everyone is so frickin handsome and pretty I weep

IS QUACKITY FRICKIN REPRESENTING SPAIN oh no that’s portugal nvm

Love that they're all Latin / Spanish speaking countries and then Rubius is frickin Japan

AWWWWWWWWWW

Quackity running to Luzu's house and stealing food from his chests. Some traditions never change… 😭😭😭

Oh man all the boys had to drop their items for the event? OH BOY….

Rubius: If someone steals from the lockers on the World Cup, three years of jail! BTW you can strip and get changed in my house, I definitely don't have cameras around. 😏 What is wrong with him

WHY DOES QUACKITY STILL HAVE HIS GUN

oh man he didn't immediately attack Luzu I guess this will be a more chill event

Oh Luzu said "Tell Quackity not to bother me or I'll kill him" WELP. NEVERMIND I GUESS

VEGETTA SAYING NO MAMES…pftt

Rubius: I need to be beside Vegettita. Luzu: Yeah, right after cheating him out of his wedding. DANG

OH Quackity’s disguised as “Cristiano Ronaldo" ok.

Luzu: For everyone asking about Quackity, he's not coming! He's vetoed from here.

Oh so THATS how they're getting around it.

Sapo Peta: Whoever wins can have one wish! Whatever they wish for Uh Oh

Alexby told Rubius he has an attack on Luzu planned and Rubius wanted to make sure they only hurt Luzu and no one else. Wanna make sure Vegetta isn't caught in the crossfire huh?

The key words to detonating the mines will be "I am duck" lord …

Luzu: Vegetta, we have to win this for the good side. What wish would you ask for? Vegetta: Another castle, of course. VEGETTA….

Oh noooo I missed Ollie I'll have to pull up Luzu's stream later 

Oh man there's gonna be a trial against Rubius today to rid him of his police chief position???

Heavy lore with light fun jokes

LMFAO VEGETTA…TOO SOON

I want a clip of that

Rubius said be already knows what he wants to wish for but won't tell anyone…

How fricked up would it be if Rubius’s wish was "I wish Vegetta would never fall in love with another person. I want his heart to belong to me". That would be so cruel because you KNOW Rubius would still mess around, he just wants to make sure Vegetta remains free

Alexby: Why did you choose Japan the day they play against Spain? Rubius: Because I fricked up PFTTT

Me: aww Quackity is learning Portugese! Me, realizing what he's learning to say: oh 😒

Games start!

LUZU IMMEDIATELY FELL pfttt

Uh oh Luzu won the first game. What would he wish for, if he won?

Oh man someone said "Will Luzu wish to revive his kids or will he wish for Quackity's death?" Agh

LALIN PFTTT

Alexby won the second game!

Oh my gosh third game is like glass floor from Squid games

Vegetta: I will take one for the team because Mexico always sacrifices for the team! VEGETTA….

Quackity died trying to follow the OTHERS LMFAO

They keep saying "Mexico is always brave" to make Vegetta keep jumping, MEAN

QUACKITY REALLY TOLD LUZU KYS, JEEZ

Rubius: For you, Vegetta, I will win this 🥺

Rubius kissed Vegetta before jumping 🥺🥺🥺

It's like the water jump all over again

THEY BOTH DIED LMFAOOO. Idiots in love....

Oh no Luzu's in the lead right now

Alexby: It doesn't matter, we knew you'd cheat in this just like in the elections DANG

Oh it's a tie between Rubius and Luzu?

QUACKITY…..

Rubius wishes for all Karmaland mods to be unblocked and Luzu agreed

Rubius: Since the price is a wish, we can both win and ask for the same wish. I suggest the wish is to unblock all mods on Karmaland. Luzu: I absolutely agree. I'd say no to literally anything else but I wanna see Vegetta's head explode.

THEYRE SUCH BASTARDS LMFAO

Alexby got second and Vegetta got third! I wonder what they would've wished for

Vegetta is trying to get out of this by saying everything is a dream LMAO

Oh no Quackity said they still need to kill Luzu

QUACKITY SHOT LUZU

VEGETTA KILLED RUBIUS???

NON-CANONICALLY IM ASSUMING?

Oh man Luzu and Vegetta are planning a trial

Luzu: I keep trying to do good things, but look how they turn out! The right way is the lonely way :( I mean, he’s definitely done fricked up things but I still feel bad for him

Luzu stepped on a mine on his way home and died and said "they killed me again" PFT

It's like that one meme of a dude galling off a bike and saying "this is [someone totally unrelated]'s fault"

Half the people are like "Ok but how DO you permakill someone on Karmaland" and the other half are like"Ok Quackity you killed Luzu, can you two make up now?"

Quackity: I knew you'd come protect me Rubius: If you call for help, I'll come to you l, always. I WEEP

Sapo Peta: Why did you shoot the mayor!!! Quackity: My finger slipped

Oh man Luzu told them to meet on Monday there's gonna be WAR

Is Quackity frickin jealous of Rubius talking to Vegetta???? KING….

They're going to the lie detector to see who stole Luzu's stuff

Luzu: Sapo Peta, do you have food? Quackity: The mayor asking for food, this town is in shambles. PFTTT SAYS THE GUY WHO WAS DIGGING THROUGH LUZU’S FOOD CHESTS

THEYRE PUTTING RUBIUS ON TRIAL

Quackity as Rubius' lawyer again as if we don't remember how this went last time

Quackity: I object! Luzu: I don't care PFTTTTT

Vegetta calling himself as a witness PFTT

Rubius said everything he's done has been out of love???

Rubius: Everything I've done has been out of love for Vegetta, Quackity, and Sapo Peta! RUBIUS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Rubius: Out of love for everyone in the world except Luzu! BRUH

Vegetta removed his authority as a cop and Rubius immediately put him and Luzu in jail. RUBIUS….

Luzu: We'll finish this war with Quackity on Monday Quackity (still disguised): What will you do to Quackity? Luzu: I'll give him the choice to either stop everything he's doing, or leave Karmaland forever with or without his life intact. NOOOOOOO I DONT WANT QUACKITY TO LEAVE KARMALAND

NOT QUACKITY WITH THE AUTOTUNED BABY CRYING AGAIN

Luzu: Everything an end, and ours is very close. Even when I try to do good, they come for me. The people's wellness comes first but they only want chaos and destruction. So we'll give them that. 😭

Luzu: Monday will be tough, but that's the day it will all be over. Either me, or Quackity NOOOO NO LUZU PLEASE SAY PSYCH I DONT WANT EITHER OF YOU TO DIE PLEASE I DONT WANT THIS TO END

STOP THE AUTOTUNE I CANT STAND THIS

SAPO PETA PULLED OUT THE ROCKET LAUNCHER LMFAO

Gosh the only thing worse than the autotune is Quackity pronouncing things horribly on purpose that is killing me

NO VEGETTA CONFIRMED KARMALAND IS ENDING IN DECEMBER. NOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOO THATS THIS MONTH, PLEASE NO VEGETTA I BEG OF YOU

There was a 3 year gap between Karmaland 4 and Karmaland 5…..how the frick am I supposed to survive that

I will say I'm super bummed, but I'm more bummed seeing all the suicide jokes people see making :/ I don’t know why that seems to be a weirdly popular "joke" amongst a lot of Karmaland fans and I really REALLY hate it. It’s not funny, and it’s not a joke.

Sighs

Well as for as today's stream went, I was very sleep deprived, but it was a nice light hearted "beach episode" that then promised to break our hearts on Monday. I shall be anxiously awaiting to see what happens

A lot of my theories got debunked just because Vegetta confirmed Karmaland was ending this month, but here are a few other theories I still have:

One of them (either Quackity or Luzu) will be killed by the other, and Sapo Peta will gave up on their world because of it. But then, that person regrets killing the man they used to love, and they exchange their own life to bring them back. That wouldn't be my ideal ending but it feels plausible

Rubius kills Luzu like he and Quackity planned. Sapo Peta finds out Quackity is the reason Luzu died, and that's what finally makes him give up all hope for Karmaland and the gods destroy the world

Luzu and Quackity kill each other, and as they like dying side by side, they laugh and realize how stupid they’ve been, but at least they’re together in their final moments

Fargan and Alexby get married!!! [unlikely]

Rubius and Vegetta make amends and learn to communicate properly for once! [also unlikely]

Luzu and Quackity make up! [delusional]

I had a few other predictions, but now that I know they have to wrap up this month, the ending feels like it’s gonna be a lot bleaker. I’m still trying to be optimistic, but I’m starting to have doubts...

[steamedteabags]

Price of the Sky

Chapter One: The King, the Queen, and the Pawn

Rough draft

Comments and constructive criticism welcome

Reddington Palace was buzzing with staff and guests alike, all preparing for the big day coming up in a few months, the day of the Courtship Ball. Despite the event still being so far away, the palace was preparing the many rituals and customs early in order to get the invitations sent out with the correct information in a timely manner.

When Prince Hazel turned eighteen, he went through the royal anointment ceremony and began the long and agonizing path to kingship. According to the laws of the Kingdom Timere, he first had to get married and choose a successor to inherit the throne upon his death or retirement until he had a child to join the line of succession. Technically speaking, the upcoming Courtship Ball was meant to be an opportunity for the prince to meet suitors so he could choose his own bride, but his mother, ever the politician, decided he was to marry the heiress of the Kingdom Vodraed, Princess Ayla Dhet. She was set to become queen in a few months when her father retired from the crown in order to be more involved in the clergy, which was very common in their kingdom.

Hazel was never a fan of the courtship tradition. He was to marry a woman in a few months that he hadn’t even met yet. The Ball was something he deeply dreaded. Truthfully, he felt quite bad for Princess Ayla. She was probably being forced into this as well and she was going to be stuck in a loveless marriage for the rest of her life, bearing children for a man who never wanted them. And of course, being an only child, Hazel couldn’t really pass the burden of ruling to anyone else.

The entire kingdom seemed to be more alive lately, which was a slap in the face to Hazel, who had never felt more depressed. As he stood staring out over the courtyard from the balcony, he felt a small gust of air come from behind him after the sound of light, fluttering wings.

Without turning around, he said, “I know you’re there.”

He felt a light smack on the top of his head and he turned to his best friend, Aidyl, who was holding out a rolled piece of parchment.

Hazel took it and read over the words before rolling his eyes. “She already made the wedding invites?”

“As the Kingdom Timere’s official Page, I’ve been instructed by the Queen to send them out the morning after the ball,” Aidyl said, leaning on the balusters next to Hazel. “I guess she’s excited.”

“Excited to control me, maybe,” Hazel scoffed.

Aidyl chuckled. “Cheer up, Haz. At least you get to leave for your Tour of the Kingdom soon. That should take a few weeks at least.”

Hazel rolled his eyes. “Not long enough. Or soon enough, frankly.”

Aidyl laughed quietly. “Not to worry, my friend. After the wedding you won’t have to come back.”

“Huh?” Hazel asked.

“Oh you know,” Aidyl said, “in Vodraed, the women don’t leave the castle after marriage.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah. Besides the north, we’re the only patriarchy left.”

“Not for much longer with the way my father lets her run the show.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“I’m shocked my mother would lose her pawn to another kingdom.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Dedryr told me the queen has been having tea with Princess Ayla. She’s gonna have that poor girl wrapped around her finger in no time.”

Hazel shook his head. “She is so ridiculous.”

Aidyl turned to rest his elbows on the balusters next to Hazel. “You’ll have Dedryr as your Page once you get married and move to Vodraed,” he said. He looked at Hazel, who was still staring over the courtyard. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Hazel was taken aback by that. He had known Aidyl almost his whole life, and their friendship had always had such a laid-back atmosphere. They were always joking and laughing, much to the dismay of Hazel’s ever-serious mother and even more serious royal Counsel, Lord Averon. To hear Aidyl express such a serious tone was unusual, to say the least.

Hazel looked back at Aidyl and nervously pushed a bit of hair from his face. “I’ll miss you, too.”

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

That evening, after supper, Hazel was required to attend some evening classes with tutors. Part of his kingdom’s customs involved extensive education for its rulers. Topics such as domestic law, international law, economics, civics, and Timere’s history were included in his curriculum. Only royal heirs had to take these classes. His mother was born of a noble family in another kingdom, so she had only learned to rule through experience after marrying King Eldrin, who sat back and did nothing for most of his reign.

During an exceptionally boring lesson on the structure of Timere’s government and justice system, the window opened slightly as a sparrow with a purple pendant around its neck dropped a small envelope onto the classroom’s stone floor before flying away.

While his tutor’s back was turned, and he was preoccupied by droning on about executions, Hazel snuck over to the window and picked up the envelope, then returned to his seat to open it, but he didn’t get the chance.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Lord Averon and three cavaliers, along with the two standing guard outside the room came rushing in.

“We’ve been looking all over for you,” Lord Averon said.

“Your Highness, you need to come with me right now,” the cavalier said.

Hazel looked startled. “Why? What’s going on?”

“There’s an intruder in the palace.”

[dreamwritesimagines]

Hi honey! How's everything? So, I'm once again sending a looong ask and since I've been MIA on this fandom (yes, we're a fandom, embrace it ❤ ) I made another summary of things I wanted to highlight in the chapters I didn't feedback sooo... here you go

Chapter 31 (I know... I'm so late) “Matter of taste I suppose,” you commented. “Or lack thereof. I personally wouldn’t choose this paper but…” “There are different papers for wedding invitations?” Anthony asked and you blinked a couple of times. “Please tell me you’re jesting.” Ok but now they’re getting married this is even funnier 'cause- of course she’ll obsess over every single detail and I mean, I can’t blame her, I’d probably do the same 😂

“What? No,” Kenneth said with as much sarcasm as one could have in their voice. “Everyone knows rivalry just makes men want something less and give up. Just look at the whole human history.” Ok, this is random but as I read it Kenneth’s voice in my head was Jamie Campbell Bower's voice (I may or may not be obsessed with the whole cast of Stranger Things, so maybe that’s why), as I said it's random and totally unimportant but I wanted to share

Chapter 32 “But Lucie heard from a valet that a lord said if I kept going like this, I was going to come across as—” You pulled your brows together, trying to remember. “Um, intimidating. Apparently one of his friends was going to propose but he said I struck fear in his heart purely because I already turned down two suitors.” Oh, the Medusa foreshadowing, Dream you lovely minx ❤

“A siren.” You bit down on your lip, then shook your head. “No. I did consider it though.” Gotta say I missed him calling her that, wonder if he'll do it again anytime soon, maaaybe in a spicy situation, just sayin' 😏

Extra Scene 12 “But,” Lady Danbury added as a thought hit her and she raised her brows at him. “I trust that love didn’t make you forget about your responsibilities Lord Bridgerton; she’s not going to be too fond of your presence before marriage.” One comment and one only, I DOUBT IT. She'll definitely be too fond of his- presence, right 😈

Chapter 33 “I have no idea why I’m here,” Kenneth murmured and Hugh shrugged his shoulders. “You hate poetry already, I figured you’d need an actual reason why.” “I was under the impression you and I got along well Hugh,” Kenneth pointed out, making you bit down on a smile. “Why do you want to torture me?” You caught the small glimmer in Hugh’s eyes as he shot him a grin. “Because it’s fun to torture you,” he said and Cecily exchanged glances with you. I'm sorry but I don't think we talked enough about how these two were flirting SHAMELESSLY in front of EVERYONE like- this whole exchange it's the embodiment of "GET A ROOM" 🔥

Chapter 34 “Speaking of sisters, where’s Iona?” you asked him. “I can’t see anyone with a Luna mask.” Ok but this, this right here, I've been wanting to comment on this for weeks now but I didn't have the time before but nooow... Seriously, a Luna mask, LUNA- like in Lucie + Iona... I'm dying and the cause is fluffness. 💖 Also totally sure my girls did the do, once again people getting laid everywhere, at least now it's only a matter of time before Chérie gets her turn, thank you very much

Ok I'm not even gonna highlight one part of the proposal because everything about it was perfection. Him saying he lost his mask the day they met. The dancing. Him getting down on one knee. The I love you.

“But I can see now why it wasn’t difficult for me to control my heart, because all these years you had it with you, an ocean away from me,” he said. SERIOUSLY MY HEART ❤

“After you, Lady Bridgerton.” I'M DEAD

I mean, first a love token and dozens of flowers and now this whole proposal at a masquerade. THIS IS ANOTHER LEVEL OF ROMANCE, DREAM, DO YOU REALIZE THE STANDARD YOU'RE PUTTING?

Extra Scene 13 Only one thing to say and it's this... Bridgerton Clan + Celias = Perfection. The chaos- amazing, you nail it every time.

Chapter 35 Someone already said it but I want to reiterate. Elias is giving SUCH Ross Geller vibes, I can't- it's too hilarious I love this golden retriever boy in any mood😂❤

“Anthony?” “Yes darling?” I fucking love whenever these two lines come up because it sounds so natural, like they've been together for years, it's so sweet 💕

You were beginning to think that you would be spending your marriage just kissing him and you would be happy with it. Oh yeah kissing, right. I mean, that's how it starts... 🔥😈😏

“Thank you father.” I need more of this, thank you

“Only three and a half weeks.” Ok I must ask, how long will it be for us though?

Extra Scene 14 “I’ve never loved anyone more in my entire life,” Anthony said. “I’ve never wanted anything more than being with her. I’m not going to put her through that hell, because she is the embodiment of my heaven. So trust me, by hook or by crook I will be with her, regardless of your opinion or your approval.” The bar, it keeps getting higher and higher, I needed to lower my standards Dream, you're making it difficult ❤😂

Wow, it's a monster of an ask, sorry about that, love you, can't wait for the next one! ❤❤❤

Omg Gabrielle honeeey you're going to make me cryyyy, you're so sweet! ❤❤

Aaaaaa I'm so excited! ❤❤❤

Chapter 31:

Oh you're absolutely right! ❤ Like, the preparations for that wedding will be actual chaos 😂

Omg I've first seen that actor on Will and he was such a great Marlowe, the way he delivered a certain line is still in my mind to this dayyyy! ❤

Chapter 32:

I love foreshadowing so much! 😏

He will one hundred percent call her that very soon 😏 It'll be fuuuun! 😈😏

Extra Scene 12:

Oh she will be very....very fond of his presence especially after the wedding 😏

Chapter 33:

I think both Kenneth and Hugh have such flirty personalities that they literally can't even help themselves whenever they're around each other, no matter who's around 😂

Chapter 34:

LUNA! LUNA MASK OMG YOU NOTICED THAT DETAIL!😍😍 That was totally intentional😍

The proposal part was so fun! ❤❤ And awww I'm glad you found it romantic as well! ❤

Extra Scene 13:

Can you imagine the CHAOS when Cherie starts living there? 😂

Chapter 35:

Awwww that's so cuuuute, I've never thought about it that way until now, you're right! ❤😍

She will enjoy kissing and moreeee😏

Oh that's a good question! So we're going to have chapter 36 today, and chapter 38 is the wedding chapter and it'll be a huge HUUUUGE chapter, the longest chapter so far 😂

Extra Scene 14:

But that's a good sign! 😂❤

Honeeey, never apologize for that, I LOVE LONG ASKS SO MUCH😍 Thank you so so much for this, you're amazing! ❤❤❤

[mellometal]

Ah, shit…here we go again. 

These videos are getting pumped out daily and they’re even longer, so y’know…longer videos = longer scripts for me to write!  So that’s fun. /s If you want to know why it takes me longer to pump these posts out, that’s why.  Plus this man physically makes me angry.

This video is one that I’m gonna have a field day with, since I’m a lesbian and I want to get married to my future wife someday.  Would I go all-out with traditional wedding stuff?  Probably not too much.  On my end, at least.  If my future wife wanted parts of our wedding to be traditional, I’d be more than happy to help her out on her end if she needed it.  I mean, she has just as much say in the wedding as I do.  That’s just wishful thinking.  

Given how things are going in the United States at the moment, I’m scared that I won’t be able to marry another woman, let alone be openly lesbian.  Despite me being openly lesbian for six years.  I’ve got a plethora of fears about this topic alone, but my fears aren’t important.  The fears BIPOC in the LGBT community have are far more important than my own.  I know, fully understand, and acknowledge that I have an easier time being part of the LGBT community because I’m white, I don’t live in any third-world country where being LGBT is punishable by death, and I live in a country where being LGBT is widely accepted.  If it wasn’t for black LGBT pioneers like Lucy Hicks Anderson, Gladys Bentley, Bayard Rustin, Pauli Murray, Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, and Audre Lorde, to name a few, being the ones who first fought for our rights in the United States, we wouldn’t be able to get married, let alone be openly LGBT in the United States.  Drag queens, drag kings, feminists, sex workers, poets, and politicians in the LGBT community fought for our rights!  The voices of BIPOC in the LGBT community need to be amplified.  (I’m not saying that for brownie points or anything.  I truly believe this and I stand by it.  I honestly believe that LGBT history should be taught more in schools because people in the LGBT community did make huge impacts in history.  There’s a lot of history that we’re never taught in school and have to learn on our own.)  I cannot imagine how difficult it is for BIPOC in the LGBT community to be openly LGBT.

For anyone who’s not aware of other events going on in the United States, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and they’re going to be looking over contraceptives, same-sex marriage, and same-sex relationships in the fall, if I remember correctly.  They’re attacking the Indian Child Welfare Act, which is there to keep indigenous children with their indigenous families instead of having them taken away and put in white foster homes.  At least that’s my understanding of that law.  I don’t believe indigenous children should be taken away from their families at all.  The Supreme Court is full of conservative, Republican, pro-forced birth, bigoted, gun-toting, able-bodied, neurotypical, Trump supporting cishets.  I’ve been horrified about the state of my country for years prior to these current events.  I’ve expressed fear of Roe v. Wade getting overturned by the Supreme Court even before they announced that they were looking at this case that the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fought for the Supreme Court to uphold.  I’m disgusted by the state of my country.  I have been for a long time.  I’ve been disgusted by how my country treats BIPOC, disabled people, the LGBT community, poor people, homeless people, mentally ill people, immigrants, and basically anyone who’s not a Republican, conservative, pro-forced birth, gun-toting, neurotypical, able-bodied, rich, evangelical Christian, white cishet man.  I’m even more terrified to leave my house than I was before, despite my state still upholding the right for AFAB people to choose.  How the fuck is the United States of America “The land of the free, home of the brave”?  Can someone PLEASE explain that to me?  Oh yeah, America is “The Land Of The Free, Home Of The Brave” to ONLY Republican, conservative, pro-forced birth, gun-toting, able-bodied, neurotypical, rich, evangelical Christian, white cishet men!  I forgot. /s (DISCLAIMER:  I know that not every single Christian is like this.  I’m also aware that most Christians don’t tolerate this behavior.  I’m referring to extremists, like what makes up the vast majority of the Supreme Court.  I’m not trying to bash Christians.)

You’re here for the review, not for me ranting about how Republican, conservative, pro-forced birth, gun-toting, neurotypical, able-bodied, rich, evangelical Christian, white cishets are fucking up the United States.  Let’s get on with the review before I pop a blood vessel.  Which I might end up doing anyway because this man makes my blood boil.

The video starts off with an old man named Trey and a young woman named Kristen (presumably a boss and an employee) on what looks to be their lunch break and they’re about to sit at a table.  Apparently they work at a cupcake shop, because the boss says that they can finish decorating cupcakes when they get back from their break.  Trey tells Kristen that he got another call about some kid’s birthday party.  Kristen obliges.  Trey looks over at a bridal shop to see a woman being fitted for a wedding dress and she’s showing off to her soon-to-be wife.  He tells his employee that’s “what’s wrong with the world”.  Kristen is confused.  Trey says that two women getting married is disgusting.  Kristen is visibly uncomfortable and wants to say something, but she doesn’t say anything.  Her boss gets up and walks over to the bridal shop.

Trey acts like a total Kevin in the bridal shop (which he shouldn’t have been in, by the way…there’s a little thing called minding your own business).  One of the workers there asks if she can help him.  The boss says he’s got a business and he “couldn’t help but notice what was going on there” (AGAIN, MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS).  The worker shows off the happy wives-to-be and says, “Aren’t they the most stunning couple you’ve ever seen?”

We see the wives-to-be and something about it rubs me the wrong way.  NOT because Dhar Mann put lesbians in. That’s not my issue whatsoever.  It’s because Dhar Mann just threw in two stereotypical lesbians that present as traditionally butch and femme and did absolutely NOTHING with them.  All he did was make them look like a traditionally straight couple.  As far as appearance goes.

Is there anything wrong with lesbian couples that present traditionally butch and femme, or lesbians in general who present as traditionally butch or femme?  Of course not!  I love both butch and femme lesbians! Butch/femme lesbian couples are adorable!  I never said there was anything wrong with it, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. /lighthearted   Just hear me out for a second, please.

The way that they’re portrayed is to appear like a traditional straight married couple (bride and groom) and they’re put into the traditional gender roles of straight couples.  It looks like there was absolutely no thought put into the lesbian couple and Dhar Mann just went with what suited him, which is cis heteronormative bullshit.  He went with the default and pretty much used them for his trauma porn to soothe his savior complex.  Like, not every single lesbian couple presents as traditionally butch and femme.  Of course Dhar Mann wouldn’t know that.  It looks like he’s never met a lesbian before in his life, let alone ever SEEN one.  The writing on his part is a slap in the face to lesbian couples that have both butch lesbians, lesbian couples that have both femme lesbians, to lesbian couples that have both futch lesbians, and lesbian couples that have any combination of these.  Seeing lesbians that don’t present as completely butch or completely femme (futch lesbians) in media isn’t very common.  The only ones I can think of are Haruka and Michiru (I mean, to me, neither of them present as completely butch or femme, though Haruka is supposed to present as butch and Michiru is supposed to present as femme), the Sailor Stars, Garnet, and Pearl.  That’s pretty much it.  Lapis and Peridot arguably would fit that category too, since neither of them present as completely butch or femme.  At least to me.  Lesbians don’t have a specific “look”.  But you’re too far up your own ass to see that, aren’t you, Dhar Dhar Binks?

I’m guessing he finally put lesbians into the Dhar Mann Lore™ for brownie points and he wanted to be hip with the lesbians.  Hey, Dhar, I’m a lesbian and I absolutely hate you!  Here’s a challenge for you, Dhar:  QUIT FUCKING STEREOTYPING MINORITIES!  ACTUALLY LISTEN TO MINORITIES FOR ONCE!  STOP THROWING IN CHARACTERS THAT ARE PART OF OPPRESSED AND MARGINALIZED GROUPS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF DOING IT!  THE SO-CALLED “REPRESENTATION” IN YOUR VIDEOS IS FULL OF NOTHING BUT STEREOTYPES, TRAUMA PORN, AND “INSPIRATION” PORN.  YOU REGURGITATE THAT GARBAGE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

You’re not changing lives, like you claim.  You’re doing nothing but pissing people off.  You’re spreading misinformation about things you know NOTHING about and will NEVER begin to understand.  You refuse to properly educate yourself about these things because you just want to be seen as the “all-knowing good guy with good vibes all around” or whatever the hell your agenda is now.  I can’t tell anymore because you and your sorry excuse for a savior complex thoroughly disgust me.  Your videos as a whole are ignorant, mediocre, flat-out stupid, and unrealistic at best.  On the flip side, your videos are offensive, bigoted, insincere, arrogant, harmful, unhelpful, and even dangerous at worst.  The vast majority of people who watch your videos and unironically like them are young, impressionable children who don’t know any better and people who spew the same rhetoric you do, take your word as gospel, refuse to educate themselves on topics you know fuck-all about, and they refuse to acknowledge the harm that your videos cause to real people.  Or they just don’t care!  MOVING ON.

Trey continues on his homophobic rant that a gay (JUST SAY “LESBIAN” IN THIS CONTEXT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY…IT’S NOT A BAD WORD) couple shouldn’t be going out buying clothes at a bridal store.  The lady sporting the tux (Alex) FINALLY steps in to call Trey out on his bullshit.  Trey then tries to clap back by saying that Alex looks ridiculous, she should be ashamed of herself, women don’t wear tuxedos, and they shouldn’t be “bringing their pride parade into the mall” and “scaring away his customers” (dude, you got bigger problems at that point).

Kristen steps in, tells Trey to stop, and she says that the couple is just trying to shop like everyone else.  Trey says that they’re “not like everyone else”.  Only then does the worker in the bridal shop say that Trey needs to leave.  Trey is going on a rant still, and the worker threatens to call security.  He drags Kristen along with him.  Kristen apologizes for her boss’s behavior and thinks that they look great.

Cut to the bakery.  Kristen’s working.  A drag queen named Kyla Velvet walks into the bakery.  Kristen immediately recognizes her and says that she’s a huge fan.  Kyla says that she’s looking for someone to cater for her afterparty and she’s looking at all the baked goods.  She says that the boss must spend a lot of time on the baked goods on display, but Kristen says that she’s the one who made them herself.  Kyla is in disbelief, praises Kristen, and says that she should open up her own shop.

Trey walks back in, berates the drag queen, calls her a freak, and says that he “doesn’t serve their kind”.  Kristen jumps to defend Kyla, but Kyla stops her.  Kyla tells Trey off, rightfully so.  Trey obviously doesn’t like this and feels threatened, so he tells Kyla to leave. 

 

We see Alex and her soon-to-be wife at the bakery picking up an order.  They’re both looking at all the baked goods and how good they look.  Trey spots them and says he recognizes them.  Alex’s soon-to-be wife confronts Trey for interrupting their (Alex’s and her own) fitting.  One of Trey’s employees calls out the order for Alex, he’s about to hand it to her, but Trey stops him.  He refuses service to Alex and her soon-to-be wife.  Both of these ladies are rightfully pissed.  Kristen stands up for the couple and tells Trey that he needs to give them their order because they paid for it.  Trey refuses, Kristen tells him that it’s not the 1950’s anymore, and the couple says that they’d be willing to take their business elsewhere.  Trey takes the box of cupcakes and shoves them in the trash can, crushing them in the process, to everyone’s horror.  Alex asks what’s wrong with Trey, and he says that it’s THEM (Alex and her soon-to-be wife) that are the problem.

The couple then leaves.  After they leave, Trey berates Kristen for just serving customers. Just doing her job.  She stands up to her boss by telling him that how he treated them wasn’t okay.  Trey got his balls in a twist because A LESBIAN COUPLE BOUGHT BRIDAL CUPCAKES FOR THEIR WEDDING!  OH, THE FUCKING HORROR! /s How can Trey EVER recover from this? /s He then asks if Kristen is on his side or the couple’s side.  She says she’s on the couple’s side and that there’s nothing wrong with being part of the LGBT community.  Trey’s in disbelief, but here’s the twist: KRISTEN IS PART OF THE COMMUNITY!  WHAT A TWIST. She pulls a Clark Kent and reveals a shirt with a RAINBOW ON IT! *gasp* And it says “BE YOU” in bold letters!  When Trey sees Kristen’s shirt, he tells her to take it off and threatens to fire her if she doesn’t.  Kristen says that Trey can’t fire her because she quits and she regrets not doing it a long time ago.  She says that she’s gonna open up her own bakery and become more successful than Trey.

Okay, hear me out, I’m not trying to rain on this girl’s parade whatsoever.  This is a recurring theme in Dhar Dhar Binks’s videos.  Wanting to open up your own business is a great thing.  I’m not knocking anyone for doing that.  However, there’s a lot of time, work, dedication, and money involved with creating a business and opening up a business.  Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t you have a business degree or at least experience with running a business, money, and proper licensing?  I don’t know, there’s a lot of things that just don’t add up.  I don’t know about you, but opening up a business with no business degree, no experience in the business industry, no money (having to resort to taking out loans), and no proper licensing seems risky.  What do I expect from a Dhar Mann video though?  Realism?  Fuck that noise!  Everything’s all peachy keen in the Dhar Mann Lore™! /s

Then we have a montage of Kristen running her own bakery, everything’s going great, and then it goes to shit real quick. BECAUSE SHE CLEARLY DOESN’T KNOW HOW MARKETING WORKS. Not saying that’s a bad thing, of course.  She eventually gave up and went to look for another job…at the bridal shop.  The lady looks at Kristen’s resume, says they’re not hiring, and Kristen goes out to sit on the bench.  Trey walks out, sees her, and decides to just kick her while she’s down (metaphorically speaking).  She says that she’d rather be homeless than to work for Trey ever again.  Trey’s mocking her the whole time.  He says that when she becomes homeless, he’ll find her and feed her a cupcake so she doesn’t starve to death.  What a fucking pig.

Kyla walks in and sees Kristen.  She tells Kyla that she doesn’t work at that bakery anymore.  Kyla is relieved and says that Trey was a monster.  Kristen apologizes for how Kyla was treated again (though TREY should be apologizing, but he’s a big macho man who can’t admit when he’s wrong), and that she should’ve stood up for Kyla more since they’re both part of the same community.  Kyla tells Kristen not to apologize and she did what she could.  She asks if Kristen started her own business.  Kristen says she did but it already failed, so she’s looking for a job.  Kyla asks her how she marketed her business.  Kristen says she posted on Facebook, Instagram, and told her friends and family.  Kyla asks about target marketing or focusing on any specific niche, which Kristen obviously didn’t know what she meant at all.  She says that people in the community love to support LGBT owners because not everyone is very kind to them in other businesses, and suggests that Kristen sells to the LGBT community.

Of course, Kristen never thought about that and is unsure if that would work.  With Kyla’s words of encouragement, Kristen says she’ll try again.  Kyla says she needs someone to cater a party anyway, so it’s perfect timing.  Kristen tries again and she gets so many customers that Pewdiepie’s got some stiff competition.

Trey’s business is going down, like how it usually goes in the Dhar Mann Lore, and he gets what’s coming to him.  Kristen gets successful enough to rent out a bakery.  It’s Trey’s bakery, ironically enough.  He’s not having it. Trey blames his business going downhill on THE ECONOMY instead of his abhorrent behavior that drove away customers.  He blames Kristen for all his bad reviews, which she had no part of.  All her customers pull up and confront Trey so bad he leaves!  And they all live happily ever after…whoop-dee-fuckin’-doo.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, this video made me angry.  It’s cringe.  It’s offensive.  It’s bigoted.  It’s riddled with stereotypes.  One gripe I’ve had for a while, WHY do you wait until the middle of the fucking video to even say the characters’ names?  DO IT AT THE BEGINNING.  FUCK. Just because you write it down on paper, NOBODY CAN SEE THAT IN THE FINISHED PRODUCT.

Sorry this is out so late. Hopefully this huge post makes up for it.

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[arrowflier]

Arrow write the mickey spotting ian and kev fic challenge!

Had to do this while it was still topical lol, so here goes.

The first time was an accident.  Well, sort of. 

"Ian can help with that," Mickey offered, watching Kev struggle to shift kegs and pour drinks at the same time.

"Thanks man," Kev grunted, hoisting another keg.  He waddled with it along the length of the bar, body hidden behind the counter, and set it down with a heavy thunk.

"Not easy though," he added as he straightened.  "Don't wanna make him strain somethin' before your wedding."

He waggled his eyebrows at Mickey, tongue stuck out, and Mickey rolled his eyes.

He knew exactly what would come next.

"You think I can't lift a keg?" Ian asked from the stool next him.  His voice almost broke on the last word with sheer disbelief.  "I'm not some skinny kid anymore, Kev, I just got out of prison for fuck's sake!"

"Cause there were plenty of kegs there to lift," Mickey muttered into his beer, and almost sent it splashing over the old stained countertop when Ian shoved his shoulder too hard.

"Just point me where you need me," Ian told Kev, puffing out his chest.

Kev eyed Ian, then Mickey, then Ian again.  But ultimately, he shrugged, and tapped the top of the keg he had just put down.

"Uh, this guy here needs to go out back," he said.  "Brought in the wrong one."

"On it," Ian said, and made his way to it.  He bent over at the waist, his hands reaching for the handles, ass stuck out in his too-tight jeans.

Mickey tilted his head, and sipped his drink, admiring the view.

"Whoa, whoa, not like that!" Kev said from behind the bar, arms out.  "You're gonna hurt yourself, man."

"Then how," Ian forced out between gritted teeth, still leaning over, "would you suggest I do this?"

Kev came around, whacked Ian in the back until he let go and straightened with a huff.  Then he took up position at another keg alongside the first.

"Lift with your legs, kid," he said, and dropped into a half squat right in front of Mickey's face.

Oh.

"Like this?" Ian relented, assuming position next to Kev, broad back stretched and straight over bent legs and strong thighs.

Oh.

Kev and Ian each hoisted their kegs, beginning their awkward walk away toward the back, and Mickey leaned so far back on his stool he almost fell off.

Well, he thought as he downed the last of his drink, eyes following two ridiculously built sets of shoulders strain their way across the room.

He could get used to seeing that.

---

The second time, it was definitely on purpose.  He had talked Ian into trying out KevFit after his own misadventure--he was not eager to keep working out on his own, but Ian kept wanting to do new shit together.

They were only one round in at the keg lift station, Ian already grunting and heaving and sweaty next to him, when Kev came by.

"Good form, Ian," he congratulated, clapping a hand on his shoulder hard enough to make him drop the half-filled keg with a clatter.  "Way better than last time."

"Gee, thanks," Ian answered dryly, wiping his forehead with the hem of his thin workout tank, and Mickey had an epiphany.

"Hey, Kev," he said slowly, like the idea was just occurring to him, "You got all this equipment rigged up, but how are you on basics?"

Kev's brow furrowed, his muscled arms going slack at his sides.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like, pushups and jogging and shit," Mickey answered.  "You know, the kind of stuff they do in the military."

He let his eyes widen, and turned them on Ian. 

"Oh wait," he said, "that's kinda your thing, ain't it?"

Ian shrugged, looking confused.

"Uh, I guess?"

"Why don't you show Kev one of your old workouts?" Mickey suggested innocently.  "He could add some things to the whole KevFit routine, maybe bring in more clients."

Kev perked up at that.

"Yeah, why not?" he said.  "C'mon Ian, show me what you've got."

Five minutes later, Mickey was leaning against the "spring water" station, sipping from the flask he had snuck in from next door, watching two ridiculously tall, ridiculously strong fuckers take up half the open floor space doing increasingly impressive pushups.  Right then, Ian had one arm behind his sweat-slicked back, Kev mirroring his form, and Mickey's eyes followed the rise and fall of their bodies with total focus.

"Excuse me," a wimpy, hipster-sounding dude said hesitantly from behind him, " but do you know when they're bringing out more waters?"

Mickey didn't even bother to look.

"Get lost," he answered, waving a hand in the guy's general direction.  "Go drink outa the bathroom sink like a normal fucking person and let me watch my show."

---

The third time, he was pretty sure Ian was catching on.

Not that he cared, honestly--the view was fucking worth it.

"You call that a bench press?" He goaded his husband from behind the bench.  "Kev's kickin' your ass, man, that's just embarassing."

Ian glowered, breath hissing out between his teeth as he pushed up again.

"I'm pretty much pressing you right now," he gritted out, "so I'm feeling pretty good about it, actually."

Mickey hid his grin behind a hand, feigning disinterest even as his eyes followed Ian's bulging arms up and down, lingering on the tight plane of his chest.

"Well he's pressing like two of me," Mickey countered, letting his eyes wander, "so you might wanna step it up, tough guy."

Sure enough, Kev's current weights were at least half again what Ian had, and he was doing an admirable job of lifting them considering that his gigantic self was too big for the bench.  Mickey hadn't considered that when he invited Kev to check out the gym at their new place; it was designed for recreational exercise, not fucking seven foot tall body builders.  The man's legs stretched out awkwardly off the bottom of the bench, knees bent but stuck up far too high for proper form.  His broad shoulders dwarfed the other end, making it look like his upper body was just suspended there.

Mickey licked his lips, watching the shift of muscles under Kev's tanned skin--thank the lord the man shared his aversion to sleeves--and almost got chinned when he leaned too far over Ian's station.

The bar slotted into place without his help, Ian sitting up and wiping his face with a hand.

"Why don't you spot him for a while, then," Ian said. "While I go hit the shower."

He stood, making his way to the door, and Mickey paused, torn.

"Or I could give you a practical demonstration of my ability to lift you," Ian added over his shoulder, and Mickey was making his excuses to their guest and chasing after him before Kev could even finish another rep.

---

Ian never brought it up, after that, but Mickey still decided to cool it, just a little. Ian had seemed a little jealous, at the gym, although you'd never have known it by the things he said later--bet you like it when people look like they can throw you around, Mick--and Mickey did not need to throw a wrench into their marriage just for a little extra eye candy.

But then they were all at the pool together, the Gallaghers plus Mickey, plus Tami, plus Kev and Vee, and he really couldn't help it.

"Damn our men are hot," Tami had commented, sitting in a white plastic chair next to Mickey.

Mickey leaned back with a grin, taking a swig of lukewarm beer, and said, "You think that's hot?" nodding to where Ian and Lip were splashing each other over Franny's head in the shallow end.

"Watch this," he finished, and cupped a hand over his mouth to help his voice carry.

"Hey Ian," he shouted. "Bet Kev could beat you in a race."

"Hell yeah!" Kev called back from where he was manning the grill. "Name the time, man!"

Mickey could see Ian roll his eyes, and worried for the briefest of moments that his husband was done humoring him. But after a brief, hushed word with his brother, Ian was swimming to the side of the pool nearest Kev, saying "right now, backstroke, three laps," and Mickey was falling in love all over again.

"You do this a lot?" Tami asked, amused, as Kev stripped off his shirt and jumped in to take his place at the wall of the pool.

Mickey waited until they were off, arms wheeling wildly through the water and sending the sparkling spray onto sculpted, heaving chests, to answer.

"Define a lot," he said, not looking away from the spectacle as Ian and Kev hit the wall and turned, their swimsuits flashing through the water.

Tami snickered.

"Got it," she said, then, "thanks for sharing the wealth."

The race finished, Ian and Kev lifting themselves out of the pool, water running down their bodies as they clasped hands and went in for a shoulder-slapping bro hug. Ian looked back to where Mickey sat, and smirked.

"No problem," Mickey murmured, watching closely.

Ian leaned up to say something into Kev's ear, and Mickey squinted, like that would somehow help him hear it.

"Ogling the competition, Milkovich?" Lip's voice came from behind, and Mickey nearly fell out of his chair.

"The fuck are you talkin about?" he demanded, twisting around in his chair to look at Lip's knowing smirk.

"Nothing," Lip answered innocently. "Just noticed you've been watching Kev a lot lately."

Mickey scowled.

"And what's it to you?" he challenged. "Nothing at all," Lip said. "Just an observation." His grin widened. "And a distraction."

Mickey's eyes narrowed.

"A distraction from wha--argh!"

He cut off as he was lifted by two pairs of string arms, familiar ones wrapped under his own and different, strong hands holding his feet. He flailed, barely registering the flash of green eyes and a mostly bald head, before he hit the water with a splash.

By the time he surfaced, snorting chlorinated pool water out of his nose, it was to see two grinning faces looking down at him.

"Thought you might need to cool off after watching us," Ian said with a grin, laughing when Mickey tried to splash water into his face.

"Next time you want a show," Kev added, "just ask, man." He waggled his eyebrows. "I learned a few things when I worked that gay club."

Ian laughed again at Mickey's shocked expression.

"You need to work on your poker face, Mick," he said. "But it's okay, we don't mind."

He winked, then turned to walk away, leaving Mickey floating in the pool. Kev left with him, hips swaying slightly, and Mickey bit his lip and watched them go.

"Really?" Lip asked from the side of the pool, sounding disgusted, and Mickey just shrugged without looking back.

After all, if they didn't mind...