#ok i need to stop before i start spiralling again

[russeliarat]

Clearly I very much don't know my limits yet because the urgesTM are back

[cy-cyborg]

Writing and drawing amputee characters: Not every amputee wears prosthetics (and that's ok)

Not every amputee wears prosthetics, and not doing so is not a sign that they've "given up".

It's a bit of a trope that I've noticed that when an amputee, leg amputees in particular, don't wear prosthetics in media its often used as a sign that they've given up hope/stopped trying/ are depressed etc. If/when they start feeling better, they'll start wearing their prosthetics again, usually accompanied by triumphant or inspiring music (if it's a movie). The most famous example of this is in Forest Gump, Where Dan spends most of the movie after loosing his legs wishing he'd died instead. He does eventually come around, and him finally moving from his wheelchair to prosthetics is meant to highlight this.

The thing is, it's not that it's unrealistic - in fact my last major mental health spiral was started because one of my prosthetics was being a shit and wouldn't go on properly, despite fitting perfectly at the prosthetist's the day before. I'm not going to use my legs when I'm not in a good headspace, but the problem is, this is the only time non-prosthetic using amputees ever get representation: to show how sad they are. Even if that's not what the creator/writer necessarily intended, audiences will often make that assumption on their own unless you're very careful and intentional about how you frame it, because it's what existing media has taught them to expect.

But there are lots of reasons why someone might not use prosthetics:

they might not need them: this is more common in arm amputees because of how difficult it can be to use arm prosthetic, especially above-elbow prosthetics. Most folks learn how to get on without them pretty well. In fact, most of the arm amputees I know don't have prosthetics, or only have them for specific tasks (e.g. I knew a girl who had a prosthetic hand made specifically for rowing, but that's all she used it for).

Other mobility aids just work better for them: for me, I'm faster, more manoeuvrable and can be out for longer when I'm in my wheelchair than I ever could on my prosthetics. Youtube/tik tok creator Josh Sundquist has said the same thing about his crutches, he just feels better using them than his prosthetic. This isn't the case for everyone of course, but it is for some of us. Especially people with above-knee prosthetics, in my experience.

Other disabilities make them harder to use: Some people are unable to use prosthetics due to other disabilities, or even other amputations. Yeah, as it turns out, a lot of prosthetics are only really designed for single-limb amputees. While they're usable for multi-limb amps, they're much harder to use or they might not be able to access every feature. For example, the prosthetic knee I have has the ability to monitor the walk cycle of the other leg and match it as close as possible - but that only works if you have a full leg on the other side. Likewise, my nan didn't like using her prosthetic, as she had limited movement in her shoulders that meant she physically couldn't move her arms in the right way to get her leg on without help.

Prosthetics are expensive in some parts of the world: not everyone can afford a prosthetic. My left prosthetic costs around $5,000 Australian dollars, but my right one (the above knee) cost $125,000AUD. It's the most expensive thing I own that I only got because my country pays for medical equipment for disabled folks. Some places subsidise the cost, but paying 10% of $125,000 is still $12,500. Then in some places, if you don't have insurance, you have to pay for that all by yourself. Even with insurance you still have to pay some of it depending on your cover. Arm prosthetics are even more expensive. Sure, both arms and legs do have cheaper options available, but they're often extremely difficult to use. You get what you pay for.

they aren't suitable for every type of environment: Prosthetics can be finicky and modern ones can be kind of sensitive to the elements. My home town was in a coastal lowland - this means lots of beaches and lots of swamp filled with salty/brackish water. The metals used in prosthetics don't hold up well in those conditions, and so they would rust quicker, I needed to clean them more, I needed to empty sand out of my foot ALL THE TIME (there always seemed to be more. It was like a bag of holding but it was just sand). Some prosthetics can't get wet at all. There were a few amputees who moved to the area when I was older who just didn't bother lol. It wasn't worth the extra effort needed for the maintenance.

People have allergies to the prosthetic material: This is less of a problem in the modern day, but some people are allergic to the materials their prosthetics are made from. You can usually find an alternative but depending on the type of allergy, some people are allergic to the replacements too.

Some people just don't like them.

There's nothing wrong with choosing to go without a prosthetic. There's nothing wrong with deciding they aren't for you. It doesn't make you a failure or sad or anything else. Using or not using prosthetics is a completely morally neutral thing.

Please, if you're writing amputees, consider if a prosthetic really is the best mobility aid for your character and consider having your characters go without, or at least mix it up a bit.

For example, Xari, one of the main characters in my comic, uses prosthetics unsupported and with crutches, and uses a wheelchair. They alternate between them throughout the story.

[bkglovergirl]

♡𓂃Water guns

Bakugou X Reader

𓏲Aizawa gives you and katsuki a second chance and with that it leads to a downward spiral of things.

Word count; 4.4k

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

“I’m giving you two a second chance.” Aizawa is in front of you and Katsuki, holding your hero suits. Katsuki had gone to Aizawa privately and asked for the second scenario, claiming he trusted you and that this whole situation wasn't on you. He threatened Aizawa not to tell you he went to him before Aizawa threw him out of the room. “A pair from class 1B is the villain. You won’t get to know who the pair is and this training is taken place in a facility outside of the school.” He tosses the cases at you. “Get changed and we’ll head over to the facility.” 

All of class 1A steps off the bus. Everyone is here so Aizawa can prove a point. Mess up and ask for a chance. The entire class has to be behind for you guys to get that chance. You and Katsuki are in your suits and so is everyone else, Aizawa is not so mean and is letting others train if you and Katuski get this done quickly. This facility is owned by Endeavor, it has everything you can possibly imagine as he needed to be the best at this as well. You and Katsuki are set up in a house? “What the hell.” You look around. “Okay, we need to set up a plan. We have no idea who these people are and this domain.”

“Let’s just fuckin run out there!”

“No dumbass!” the peace that you and Katsuki created for a moment is shattered as you two bicker back and forth for God knows how long. “What’s that smell?” You look around frantically, have the “villains” already found you both? Do they have an advantage because of Aizawa that you don’t know about? 

“Blue flames?” You look at Katsuki and follow his eyes. Blue flames are slowly swallowing the door. Smoke fills the room quickly, and you panic, having a coughing attack.

“Are they trying to kill us?! They are taking this way too seriously!” Katsuki grabs your hand and you quickly tighten your grip, He brings you up the stairs and breaks open a window. “We are not paying for that.” you joke but quickly shut up as bakugou lets go and jumps out the window. You look out, “What the hell?!”

“Jump!”

“No what the fuck!”

“Jump, I’ll catch you!” You jump, shut your eyes, and jump. He catches you. “Why are your eyes closed?” You look at him and laugh. “Y/N, you are so stupid.” He blushes. 

“Ok put me down.” you look back at the house while he puts you down slowly, “Holy shit ten more seconds and we would have been flamed... Katsuki you don’t think…?”

“I don’t know, it’s Endeavor. This is a pretty good-built facility.” An alarm goes off and a big slamming sound is heard on the other side of the training area. “Fuck!” You both run quickly toward the sound before a wall of blue flames becomes between you and Katsuki. You look around frantically before seeing a man standing on top of a building. He has black hair and purple bruising all over his skin. Is he smiling at you? “Y/N?!”

“I’m okay!” the man laughs, jumping off the building and landing close to you. The blue flames start growing closer to you. He’s mumbling something along the lines of distracting you away from the rest, and this will be an easy kill. You take a deep breath and grow a longleaf pine under you and Katsuki, it brings you both up above the fire and lets you jump onto a building and you run. You see debris and smoke on the other side, it'll take under a minute to get there, “So close…” you mutter. A scorching burn rises up your arm. He got your right arm. You quickly wrap it in a longleaf pine, it won’t stop the pain but it will stop the fire. Your path gets blocked again by blue flames. “Fuck!” You are getting way too dehydrated and dizzy which means you are gonna struggle to use your quirk. 

“Y/N!” 

“Go help the others and then come get me!” Katsuki for the first time hesitates, and he doesn't like that. He listens to you and runs to the others, his heart beating faster than it ever has. Smoke fills your lungs, and you look around for the villain. He stands in front of you a couple of feet away with the same smile. 

“I’ll make it easier on him and make sure there isn't anything he has to come back for.” Flames come your way, and you make a shield; it withers just a little enough to burn your cheek. 

“Fuck.” you move and run. It’s just straight-up fire and smoke. It’s hurting your lungs. It’s hurting your plants which means you have a useless quirk. “I’m going to die…” You mutter. You are still running toward the group and you see Shoto in the distance. You see Katsuki behind him and smile before you feel a wave of heat. You don’t know what happened but you blacked out. Katsuki watches as flames engulf you. He freezes. He watches as Todoroki and Midoriya run towards you.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

All you hear is beeping, talking, and silence. You can’t see anything, so all you can do is listen. You can’t understand the voices that come around every once in a while, it’s all blurry. Eventually, you open your eyes. “She’s Awake! Aizawa she’s awake!”

“Loud...” you mutter as your eyes get used to the bright light. Then, you see a blurry figure with green hair walks out of the room. You feel the warmth on your hand and you slowly look down. Your right arm is covered in bandages and someone is holding your hand. You look back up and see Shoto. He’s smiling at you softly, it looks like he hasn't slept in days. Midoriya walks back in with Aizawa and Katsuki. Katsuki walks up to you quickly, his face is flushed and he’s breathing heavily. He looks at you and Todoroki and stops moving. Aizawa walks up to you and sighs.

“It’s always something with you.” You let out a small laugh but stop quickly once it hurts. “Do you remember anything?” You look over your body. Your legs are also covered in bandages, and you can feel the uncomfortable bandages on your cheek and chest. 

“The fight that happened today? Some um… Villains?” You feel Shoto squeeze your hand softly. “And I guess I got hit.”

“Y/N that attack happened over two weeks ago,” Aizawa admits. You notice all the boys look at you worriedly except for Katsuki, he’s looking down.

“What?” “You are correct you did get badly hurt, but that attack happened two weeks ago. Bakugou, Midoriya, and Todoroki all have been taking turns watching over you and some of your classmates have been stopping by and also taking care of you. You kept stirring but… You never fully woke up. We got concerned you um… never would.” With that Aizawa brings his hand to his face and he continues to speak. “You have severe wounds. The ones on your cheek, chest, and arms will leave scaring. Your legs we aren't certain if they will yet.” He looks around at the boys and then looks back at you. “I’m happy you're safe. I’ll come back to check on you with the nurse later.” he walks out and you hear him sniffle. You smile and give your attention back to the boys. Midoriya is the first to speak.

“We were so worried about you… I thought… Never mind that!” he smiles. I should go tell the other!” He runs out. Shoto is next to speak, and unbeknownst to him, he had cut off Katsuki from speaking. 

“I am so sorry. It’s all my fault. The villain that attacked you knows me and my family… and he got word of the training and you… with how close we are he figured you were an easy target… I am so sorry!” he slowly picks up your hand and kisses your knuckle then slowly rests his forehead on your hand. “Please forgive me. Please.”

“Of course Shoto…” You smile. “This isn't your fault, I don't blame you, and see I’m okay!” you regret raising your voice but whatever you have to do for Shoto. Shoto picks his head back up and gives you an unconvincing look. “Shoto please believe me. I am okay.” you both stare at each other before Shoto finally smiles. Katsuki coughs interrupting the moment. “Shoto you should go get some rest and food.” he goes to interject but you stop him, “Come visit me after but go take care of yourself please.” He nods and stands up. Walking out he gives a glare to Bakugou and exits the room. You look at Katsuki. He doesn't look at you. “So… guess I have to make up all the meals I couldn't make you the past two weeks.” You joke and laugh, He doesn't laugh and you sit up reaching for him. 

“Stop doing that!” He gets close to you and grabs your hand, laying you back down. You look at him confused. “Stop acting like everything is perfectly fine! You almost died for fuck sake!” he sits down on the bed looking at you. “It’s not okay.”

“Katsuki…”

“I could have lost you then what?!” You winch and he slumps. 

“I’m alive and awake now, so let’s not dwell on what could have happened, okay?” Katsuki stares at you, and your heart skips a beat. Slowly, he leans down and places his hand on the cheek that has the bandage. He rubs his thumb over it slowly before kissing you. You are surprised, obviously, but you kiss back. He’s just as surprised as you are with the fact he kissed you and the fact you kissed back. You go to sit up to lean into him more but winch from the pain, causing him to move away breaking the kiss. “Katsuki…”

“Guys, look!” Katsuki moves away from the bed completely, and the class piles into the room after Midoriya. You smile at them, and they smile at you. Katsuki leaves the room.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

After a few days, you are able to go back to the dorm room and go back to your normal life besides the obvious scaring on your body and the sharp pain you get sometimes. Shoto helped you get back into your dorm. “I can open the door myself, you weirdo.”

“Why won’t you let me help you.” He opens the door.

“Because if you are going to help me, I’ll complain to feel less guilty.” You smile before laughing. You walk into your dorm, and he follows. Katsuki is sitting on the couch, looking at you both. His arms are crossed. “God, Dad, he brought me home on time.” You joke, but clearly, he could care less about your jokes. Shoto doesn't get the hint of Katsuki’s annoyance and walks into your kitchen. 

“What do you want? I’ll make you lunch.”

“I can make her lunch. I am her husband after all.” He stands up.

“A good husband would already have food ready for her and would have gotten her from the nurse's room.” Katsuki pauses for a moment. He’s stunned. “So Y/N what would you want?” you look between Shoto and Katsuki before walking into the kitchen. Katsuki takes that as you choosing Shoto and his throat burns and his stomach nots. He’s fuming and all he can manage is walking into his room and slamming the door. “Such a baby.”

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

It’s like Todoroki is doing this on purpose. For the past week he’s done nothing but be a wedge between him and you and it’s pissing Katsuki off. He’s trying to do this for you but Todoroki is always just one step ahead. Katsuki is known to be angry the majority of the time but this feels different. It fueling each minute and he feels like he’s about to burst. He tries taking it out during training but it eases only for a second and this confuses Katsuki. In the past it’s always worked for him so why the fuck isn't it working now?! He grabs his towel and wipes his face before getting himself a sip of water. He takes a deep breath. Why isn't this working? He hears a familiar laugh and looks around. He sees you and of fucking course Todo fucking roki. He puts down his water bottle and towel. He rushes out of the training room and goes up to you both. “The fuck are you guys doing together? Again.” You go to explain but Shoto stops you. Katsuki doesn't like this very much.

“Why does it matter to you?”

“Because it fucking does?!” Seriously who does this dude think he is? “Why can’t you go bother your own wife and leave mine the fuck alone?!” 

“Why should I leave her alone? All the times you've left her alone it causes her to be endangered.”

“So it’s my fault?!” 

“You didn't get to her quick enough during our training.” Todroki points a finger at him, “And your dumbass left her during the attack so she got hurt!”

“Don’t point that finger at me! It was your dumbass family drama that caused her to get hurt in the first damn place!” With this Todoroki steps closer to him and his fire quirk is activated.

“Say’s the one who froze when we needed to go save her.” You look at Katsuki. Katsuki doesn't look at you. For the first time, Katsuki bites his cheek and walks back into the training room. With a satisfied smirk, Shoto looks at you. Your arms are crossed and you are pissed looking back at Shoto. His smirk drops. “What?” you shake your head and walk away. “What?!”

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

It’s late. You've already made dinner, and it’s starting to get cold. Shoto had brought you to the dorm against your wishes, and you slammed the door in his face in retaliation. Your guess is that Katsuki is still in the training room. You sigh, looking down at his dinner, before grabbing a blanket from the living room and walking out onto the balcony. You don’t know how much time has passed but it is quiet and the only lights outside are the streetlights. “What are you doing outside?” You flinch and look at Katsuki, he’s leaning against the door.

“It’s nice out.” 

‘The heat is on and you left the door open.” You roll your eyes and look away from him.

“I left your food on the counter.”

“Thanks.” He walks off into his bedroom, completely ignoring the food. Confused, you stand up and walk towards his bedroom, stopping him from shutting his door. 

“Excuse me?”

“You left the blanket outside and the door open.”

“Don’t ignore the obvious bullshit dude.” He just stares at you. “What is with you?! I made you dinner and you are just gonna ignore it?!”

“I’m sorry I thought you would have preferred making that shit for Shoto.” He mocks his name and you glare at him. 

“So what I do for you has been shit?” He shrugs and you drop your hand from off the door. “Whatever. I don’t know what your fucking issue is but glad to know everything I have done has been pointless.”

“Oh please we all know you wanted those points to switch and be with Todoroki.”

“Are you for real right now? All my actions have shown that's what I want?! Really?!”

“Yeah. Really.” He shuts the door in your face. You stand there astonished before cleaning up Katsuki’s dinner and putting it away in the fridge. You try to convince yourself you are only doing it to prevent food from going to waste, but the convincing doesn't work. Despite how mad you are, you want to make sure he eats okay.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

For days, you and Katsuki have ignored each other. People have asked each of you, and you respectfully shake your head no and say it’s nothing. Katsuki, on the other hand, gives them death glares. You still make food for him, and it'll go uneaten. When you give up hope that he won't eat, he eventually does, so you keep making him food. You always wondered how your family ignored each other when growing up and you never understood how they could do it so easily. You understand to an extent, that the act of ignoring each other isn't an issue. Katsuki does most of the work fully pretending you aren't even real. The mental pain of ignoring each other is affecting you more than you like and Katsuki feels the same. 

Two weeks pass, and it’s the fireworks festival. The school does this annually, putting on a grand display and making it a whole day thing. You and the girls are in Momo’s room getting ready. The girls have really been helping you during this whole situation and the bond you share now is something so important to you. “We are gonna make you look stunning Y/N! We can use all my stuff. Yes, even the very expensive stuff of course!” 

“Thanks, Momo but why would I do this for a guy who won’t even glance at me?”

“Oh, honey, this is NOT for him; it’s for you, silly!” The girls continue getting you ready. Kyoka and Ochaco work on your makeup, Mina on your hair, and Momo on the best outfit for you to wear. After a few hours, you are ready! The girls start taking pictures and start giving you compliments and in all honesty, you just wanted to go to the festival already.

“Is he gonna be there?”

“Who cares?” You did. Except you weren't going to say that. You walk up to the full-length mirror and look at yourself.

 “Do I even look good with this scar on my arm?” You’ve fully healed over the past few weeks thanks to recovery, girl, but your right arm has scarring, and you've been slightly insecure about it. Doesn't help that the outfit you are wearing shows it off completely 

“It makes you look sexy!” 

“Whatever you say, Mina.” You smile, “should we get going?”

The weather is perfect, to say the least. The school has rented out a nice park, full of flowers and trees, right next to a river, where on the other side, they’ll light the fireworks. Booths are set up for food, drinks, and fun things to do. You and the girls are going back and forth on what to do first. You watch as a few say drinks and food while others say games first. You just watch not having a strong opinion for each until someone catches your eye. Behind Momo you see Shoto waving at you, and you smile waving back. He walks towards you but halfway someone shoves into him. Katsuki keeps walking not even acknowledging what he did. “Hi Y/N.”

“Hi, Shoto.” Just like how Katsuki ignores you, Shoto chooses to ignore his existence.

“Oh hey, Todoroki! Are you here with anyone?” Ochaco asks as the girls look at him.

“No.”

“I have a great idea!” This could be true or the worst thing Mina says. “We should go to one of the games, and Todoroki and Momo can battle to see who the better spouse is!”

“That’s actually not a bad idea and would be fun to watch,” Kyoka says.

“You down for joining us Shoto?” You look at him and he looks away from Momo and looks at you.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Don’t go easy on me.” Momo smiles at him. 

“Don’t plan on it and you should pick the game.” You walk over to Ochaco and wrap your arms around hers, you guys start walking around to find a game. Momo eventually settles on ring toss, you sit down at the water gun booth to watch them. Momo and Shoto stand next to eachother with five rings each. The first round starts and of course Momo wins. “Another one.”

“Shoto we are not gonna sit here and watch until you win.”

“Yes we are Y/N shush.” And the second round starts, this time the bottles move side to side making it more difficult. You feel the presence of someone sit next to you, You ignore it at first before you hear a grumble. You look back to see a random student with his friend, you stand up quickly and apologize for being in his way.

“Don’t take up a spot if you arent gonna do anything.”

“She was waiting for me, so you gotta move it.” Katsuki puts an arm around you and you look over at the group seeing if anyone notices. You lock eyes with Ochaco and she gives you a thumbs up. The boys apologize and run off not wanting to deal with Katsuki. You take a seat again and Katsuki hands money to the stall worker and sits next to you. “One game, one winner.” you face your water gun rolling your eyes.

“Whatever you say.” It was not one game, it was six and the group stopped watching Shoto’s game and huddled around you guys. “What happened to one game!”

“You keep cheating!”

“How?” 

“You keep shooting me with water!” You laugh. 

“FUCK!” Katsuki slumps back, you stand up ad cheer. You turn to Shoto giving him a high five and turn back to Katsuki. He stares for a beat then stands up and walks off.

“What is his problem?” Mina asks, you shake your head.

“I don’t know but let’s go find Izuku.” The hours pass and for others it went by very quickly but for you it didnt. The whole time you spent looking around for Katsuki and you couldnt find him. 

“Hurry up lets go find the perfect spot!” The fireworks start in fifteen and honestly you werent feeling it anymore.

“I think I’m just gonna go back to the dorm guys..” you were met with a lot of disergrement. 

“Are you sure Y/N?”

“Yeah I’m not feeling well.” You lie.

“Oh let me walk you back.” Shoto goes to grab your arm but you step back, “No it’s okay. Stay.” You give them all a smile, say your goodbyes and walk back.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

“Katsuki?” Nothing. You sigh and shut your dorm door. Luckly for you, your dorm faces right where they are gonna be setting off fireworks. You brush out your hair and walk to your balcony. “Cold…” you mumble shutting the sliding door and resting your body on the railing. You do the math in your head, it took you five minutes to get back here so that means itll be about ten minutes until they start. After some time you hear the sliding door open.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I can’t be in my own dorm now?”

“You should be out with your friends at the festival, not here.” You don’t say anything and Katsuki stands next to you, You glance at him.

“Why are you shirtless?”

“Because my wife wouldnt stop splashing me with water.”

“Stop Katsuki. I’m over this back and forth of you being mad and then not.”

“And I’m over Todoroki getting all your fucking attention. Piece it togehter Y/N.” You look at him fully.

“Me piece it together? I shouldnt have to do that? Why can’t you tell me straight up? You are so bold and loud but for some reason between us you shut down completely. It’s ridiculous.”

“Have you ever thought for one second why?”

“You rejected me Katsuki. In middle school, it was a full on embarrassment. Sorry I wasnt jumping to conclusions.”

“We were in middle school.”

“You made fucking rules when I tried getting you to take this simulation seriously.”

“Why’d you smile at Todoroki. You face him fully.

“What the fuck are you on about.” He faces you, he is red.

“During the Villian attack when you were close to the main group, you saw Todoroki and instantly smiled once you saw him.” 

“No I didnt?” You crossed your arms. Katsuki puts one hand on the railing and squeezes it. 

“Yes you did Y/N I watched you.”

“I smiled because I saw you.” his hand untenses.

“Yes Dumbass, I smiled because I saw you before I almost got killed by flames.” His hand tightens again. “What?” he stays silent so you repeat yourself again. “What?”

“For the first time I hesitated in battle.”

“So?”

“Because I thought I…” he pauses and looks down. “I thought I just watched you die and I couldn't, my brain couldnt comprehend it. For a split second all logic was out the window.”

“Where you ignoring me because of that?”

“I was ashamed.” He looks back up at you. “There goes fucking Todoroki and Deku running and there I was, frozen. Even if it was only for a second. It was a second to long. I don’t like what you do to me.” A boom goes off and the fireworks start up. The sky is full of assortment of colors. You and Katsuki both look. “I love you Y/N.” He says it not thinking you’d hear him and after this whole thing he can go back into the ignoring routine you guys established.

“I love you too.” Katsuki looks at you and you don’t look at him. He grabs your right arm and stops his movement. He stares at the scarring on your arm. You look at him before removing your arm from his hand and hug him. He squeezes you tightly before letting go and facing the railing. “You ignore me like that again and I’ll kill you.” He hugs you from behind.

“Mhm..”

“I’m serious Katsuki.” He kisses your cheek. “Fuck these fireworks.” You turn your body to face katsuki and look up at him, He looks down at you. “Kiss me.” He stares at you for a minute. “Katsuki I swear-” He cuts you off and kisses you. You wrap your arms around his neck, and with that, he picks you up and sits you on the railing. You wrap your legs around his waist and deepen the kiss.

Tags;

@andysdrafts @eyesforbkg @kukikoooo @musicbecky @mia-luvs @yoyolovesdaiki @onlykarenkun @gina239

[redhoodobsessed]

Diagnosis is...

Jason Todd x Reader

This one is kind of weird i just thought it would be funny and it spiraled from there. You meet your boyfriends family at a very bad time. TW: vomiting, Pregnancy

Jason always took you to the Manor when his family wasn't home. The only member who you were well acquainted with was Alfred and Duke. Even after being together for a year and moving with eachother he wasn't ready for you to meet his family. Truthfully he was worried they would be... too much.

Jason sat you down gently on his bed in his old bedroom.

"You really didn't need to carry me here from the cave I'm not that sick" you sighed as he tucked you into the bed.

"Sure but I wanted to." He went to kiss your lips but you pulled back

"Trust me lover boy you do not want to kiss these lips"

He chuckled and kissed you on the cheek instead "I'll be back at five ok?"

You nodded waiting for him to leave before running to his bathroom and vomiting.

After 10 minutes you went looking around. He only ever took you to the manor when no one else was around but Alfred. But this time even he wasn't here. Bruce was on some big undercover mission in another country basically the enormous amounts of people who were usually here weren't except for Jason and Duke who were taking over the nightly patrol in Gotham. This was perfect for your mission.

You searched every bathroom and medicine cabinet you could find surely in a house this big which was home to the billionaire playboy had to have at least one. You could swear you'd been looking for hours practically torn apart the entire mansion when you heard a sympathic sounding voice say. "Looking for something?"

You turned around to see a redheaded green eyed woman in a wheelchair. Barbara Gordon.

"Uh uhm Sprite?" Definitely not a great answer if you were trying to deceive a world renowned cyber detective who caught you pulling apart her boyfriends medicine cabinet. But she humored you and took you to the kitchen.

"Why sprite?" She said

"The acid from Lemons are neutralising which help relieve nausea. They give it to people in outpatient after things like wisdom tooth extraction at the hospital. Also I don't like lemonade."

"Right, Jason said you weren't feeling well. What are the symptoms?" She was absolutely probing you for information. She saw the frantically thrown about flu medicine and pain killers, you were looking for something specific.

you weren't planning on spilling everything to a complete stranger but you had to tell someone or you would probably go crazy. "Well nausea, slight headache, swollen feet and breasts, late menstruation cycle I would say patient diagnosis would be-"

"Pregnancy" she interrupted her face completely bewildered. Jason Todd got a girl pregnant.

"About 2 to 3 weeks along but I can't know for sure without-"

"A pregnancy test" she interrupted again.

"I would rather go to the Doctor and get a blood test but Jason and I just moved in together and I only realised I was late yesterday."

"We can do a blood test! Downstairs in the cave right now" Barbara immediately started heading to the elevator to the cave.

"That will take a while you don't have a regular pregnancy test here?"

She thought for a second "I don't think so."

So you went down to do the test you were surprised they had every blood test known to man "you know an at home pregnancy test only takes two minutes" you say as you draw your own blood you needed to practice anyway.

"Well we could watch a movie? It's only two hours."

"Yeah only" you sighed and Barbara finished the rest of the process now all you had to do was wait for the results. Your heart almost stopped when you heard the roar of a motorcycle enter the cave thinking it might be Jason.

"It's just the Batgirls their mission ended early." Barbara said pulling up the live security footage of the runway and leaving it up. You almost collapsed from relief.

"Hey Babs! Who's this?" The purple Batgirl said as she took off her Cowl revealing her blonde hair and chipper smile.

"I uhm I'm Y/n"

"Oh Jason's girlfriend! You're sick right?" She glanced over at the screen the blood test now almost halfway done. "What's a HCG test?"

Barbara minimised the window and looked at you as you tried to formulate a lie but it was too late. The other batgirl who must be Cassandra signed something to Stephanie.

"No way!" Her face was in utter disbelief and god you wished Jason had just left you in the apartment. This was not how you wanted to meet his family.

"It's probably nothing it could be anything really." You really wanted to believe that. You wanted to believe it was something crazy rare.

"Like what?" Stephanie said with full curiosity. She definitely didn't seem to realise the invasive nature of that question until Cassandra put a hand on her shoulder. "Right well good luck with that Cass and I are gonna train for a bit."

"Don't worry you can trust them" Barbara's words gave little comfort. Your face was red with embarrassment its not that you didn't trust them it's that you just met them. Their first impression of their brothers girlfriend is that she could be pregnant.

It wasn't long before you heard people talking from the staircase "TIMOTHY BERNIE!"Stephanie yelled "What are you doing here?!"

"Well I was showing Bernard the mansion and i thought id take him to see the cave too i need to check up on a blood test of a rat i found scarecrow experimenting on too. Hey! Are you Y/n?" Tim asked shaking your hand.

You were relieved at the fact that he would be the first family member to not also be wondering whether or not you were pregnant. "It's nice to meet you. Jason talks about you a lot."

"He talks about all of you too I think he's been a bit nervous for us to meet."

"So was Tim. I'm Bernard, Tim's boyfriend" you had been so relieved and distracted by normal conversation without any indication of any possible pregnancy that you didn't see Tim looking at the computers in the med bay.

"Uh who ordered the HCG? Was it an accident or...?"

"HCG? I meant to do a CRP! damn well now I'll know if I'm pregnant or not." At least Stephanie was good at improv

"But this says its y/n's?" Tim said skeptical of the whole situation

"What?! I must of mixed up our blood" ok so she might not win an Oscar but you could work with this.

"Oh yeah I was practicing drawing blood sometimes they have us do it on other med students and if you don't practice uh it's embarrassing." You were definitely not winning an Oscar.

"Right." He was definitely unconvinced. But his angel of a boyfriend noticed your nervous face and came to your rescue.

"Happens to the best of us." He has a very warm and comforting smile Tim has good taste in men.

As time went on your stomach started to churn and you laid back on a medical bed. There was the loud hum of a jet engine and huge doors opening up above you. "Uhh please not Bruce Wayne"

"Bruce Wayne" everyone except Bernard seemed to say in unison "and the results are in."

"I don't want to know" you didnt want this to be such a big deal you didn't want so many people to know and you certainly didn't want Jason's whole family to know before he did.

"Ah miss Y/n I see you've met more of the family" Alfred said walking down from where ever the Jet was parked above you.

"It's been a pleasure" you say truly not wanting to sound rude they had all been very kind to you their timing is just so so poor.

"Ah Jason had told me you're not feeling well. Can I bring you anything Y/n"

"Y/n?" I voice that must belong to Bruce followed behind Alfred. "Oh I didn't know you would be here" Bruce Wayne said cowl in hand his face looking tired. A young looking boy walked towards the bat computer ignoring you. honestly you were grateful for not having to meet another batfamily member.

You were trying to get up but he interrupted "no no please don't get up on my behalf rest its quite late."

You were going to respond but your stomach stirred again and a gurgle went up your throat. Bruce was quick to respond and got you a vomit bag. Great the first thing Bruce Wayne had ever heard from you was the disgusting sound of vomit. "You are quite sick" He put his hand on your forehead automatically. But there was no time to make up an excuse or reason.

"She's not sick, she's pregnant" the young and very rude boy said... definitely Damian.

"Oh uhm is uh.. when did you find out?" Bruce was extremely flustered, but by now you had experienced enough embarrassment for the night and just wanted Jason to come home.

"Just then" with the perfect timing that this family seemed to have you heard Jason and Duke ride into the cave to see an utterly confused Batman standing next to you.

"None of you are supposed to be here." Jason growled as he made his way to you he was about to glare at Bruce when he saw his bright red face he stopped "What's wrong with you?Salina break up with you again?" Jason

"Uhm" Bruce cleared his throat "you're right we're not supposed to be here. We should all go upstairs." He started heading to the stairs but everyone else seemed to be looking at you "now!" He said sternly in his Batman voice the room quickly cleared out after that.

You sighed a breath of relief as Jason sat next to you and pulled you close kissing your temple. "What was his problem?" He asked rubbing your arm and resting his head on your shoulder.

"Well I'm not technically sick."

"Hmm?" He didn't even seemed phased by this he just leaned into you more

"I had to do a test and uh everyone saw the result."

"Is it bad?" This man after a patrol you could swear his head was made of bricks.

"Depends. Do you think its bad that I'm pregnant." You said hesitantly a very small part of you worried that he would say yes but worse is he didn't say anything. "Jason?"

"Uh no!" He moved to face you his forehead pressed against yours "No it's its not bad its just its unexpected and then I'm sorry I'm sorry for all of that and them and wow"

You giggled "Yeah it's not exactly what I was expecting for tonight"

He cupped your cheek and smiled at you "I love you Y/N"

Tears started to well in your eyes "I love you too Jason" He pulled you in for a long kiss. Finally all you wanted all night was to be with him.

Upstairs Dick arrived home to...chaos. Stephanie was talking to Cass about everything they were going to do to prepare for.. something. Tim was yelling at Damian, Barbara and Bernard were telling Duke about the entire night and Bruce sat in an armchair still in complete embarrassment and disbelief.

"Did I miss something?"

[m-ayo-o]

black ink

18+ suguru gets a fresh tattoo from his favourite artist 1.4k

He enters his usual tattoo parlour, skimming through the beautiful designs in your portfolio that you have made with incredible detail.

He has been so pleased with all of your work so far, eagerly showing off the art.

But now, he needs something new.

You’ve given him ornate patterns over his shoulders, some trailing down his biceps, reaching his forearms and wrists. His hands remain bare, for now.

There’s more spiralling up his ribcage, some dipping below his hips.

But where he’d really like his new tattoo is on his chest.

He wants a centrepiece over the broad expanse of his toned muscle.

And he wants it from you.

“Suguru! You’re early,” your voice chimes in his ear, entering the shop floor in an outfit so daring his heart nearly stops.

A tight, black cropped vest, leaving nothing to his imagination, those black pants, sitting so low he can see your thong peeking out.

“Yeah uh, thought I’d come and get ready.”

You watch him fidget a little, looking oddly tense. He’s had so many tattoos before. Why is he nervous?

You approach him, your hand gliding up his muscular forearm.

“Well, I’m ready when you are,” you hum in his ear, stepping to the table.

And he follows you, watching the way that leather belt grips at your hips, trailing his eyes over the art that snakes up your back.

You sit him down and get everything prepped as he starts to unbutton his shirt.

“May as well take it off,” you murmur, focusing on your equipment. 

“Mm, sure,” he nods, stripping the material over his head with a flick of his black locks.

You turn in time to see his stomach flexing as he twists, tossing his shirt over the chair.

You have to admit, he is by far your most gorgeous client. Despite seeing his body numerous times, your heart never fails to race when you see him like this.

Lowering the chair for your ease, you press a cotton pad sodden with rubbing alcohol over his skin, making him draw in his breath. Then you secure the stencil, ensuring it’s transferred, checking he’s happy.

Then you pick up the tattoo gun.

The only ink you’ll need today is black.

“You ready?” you grip the filled tattoo gun between your ringed fingers, watching him nod, his little smile growing as you get closer.

He swears you’re the best tattoo artist in the city. Your looks have nothing to do with your pure, refined talent. But, he’s afraid that his ink addiction has only been fueled by you.

He just needs to keep coming back, to feel you, to have your hands on him, your body close to his.

And now, as you’re leaning over, about to place the first needle prick to his skin, he’s getting exactly what he wants.

Your cleavage is bare for him, full tits barely contained by your tiny vest, necklaces trailing down, enticing his gaze further.

He watches you lower your body over his, one hand splayed over his chest, the other applying the ink.

“Mm–” he lets out a little groan from your first contact, eyelids fluttering.

“Suguru, haven’t got weak on me now, have you?” you giggle, trying your best to focus on the job at hand.

He just snickers, watching you intently.

He lets out sighs and grunts now and then, some of the sounds getting borderline pornographic when you trace the needle around his nipples.

“Little sensitive here, Sugu?” you hum with a pleased smile, earning a huff from the man.

“S– s’just that– I’ve never– had a tattoo there before,” he hisses between the stabbing motions.

You let out a little laugh, making it no secret that you enjoy tormenting him, eventually finishing the expansive outline.

“That’s enough for today, ok?” You tell him, starting to get the film to wrap up his new art.

“Oh,” he sounds a little too disappointed when you relinquish him from your touch, stepping back to place the gun away.

“I can take a little more…” he utters quietly.

“Hm, sure you don’t just want my hands on you again?”

Your sudden, obvious advances bring a wide smirk to his face.

“And if I do?” He questions, testing the waters.

“All you have to do is ask, Suguru,” you reply, the hum of his name making his stomach flip.

“Mm–” he clears his throat, sitting up on the chair fully, reaching out a hand as you remove your gloves.

“Well, come here then.”

You feel his fingers close around your wrist as he tugs you closer, bringing your body between his legs.

The heat curls through your stomach now, watching the way his pretty, almond shaped eyes find your icy stare.

But his hands snake up your back, slipping under the thin material, and you melt into his touch.

You’re rarely the first to lean in for a kiss, but today, you suppose that trend can be bucked.

You find yourself drawn in, then he forcefully grips your body and presses your chest up against his, your lips colliding with heat.

He pulls you up onto the chair now, watching you strip your top, making him lose all his cool and press needy kisses over your bare chest.

You’re totally embarrassed by the whimpers that escape your throat, feeling the way he sucks so harshly at your pierced nipples, leaving little marks over your inked skin.

Your belt is being tugged at, pants being forced open as he gets frustrated with the material.

You stand, quickly ridding them, exposing the skimpiest thong, ensuring to turn and show him the back.

“Get–” he stutters, hands reaching out for you again, “get back up here, right fucking now.”

He grabs at your waist, slipping his fingers down your panties, gliding over that little swollen clit, letting out satisfied hums of your name when he feels your slick.

“S-so fucking pretty,” he lets out a breathy whisper, circling you with dexterous fingers.

And he gets you cumming in the palm of his hand so easily.

“Yes, let go, fuck–” he watches you come undone, his voice getting low and raspy, and endlessly seductive.

“Let me taste you,” he moans into your mouth, hanging wide from your long orgasm, “please.” 

So polite, you think, nodding instantly as his hands pin you to the chair.

He kneels, pulling a hairband from his wrist, elegant hands securing his locks in a neat topknot.

So pretty, you think, watching him spread your thighs and give you long, slow licks through your heat.

“Soaked,” he tongues your entrance now, his body moving on instinct as he starts to swallow you up.

“Fuck!! S-Suguru!!” 

You’re feeling less shame now, with the way he’s eating you so fervently, dipping his head, swirling his tongue, keenly following every buck of your hips.

“Why’d you have to wear that little top today, hm?”

You let out a whimper, feeling him speed up his motions.

“F– f’ you—” you stammer, nails digging into the leather seat.

“Hm,” he smiles now, midnight eyes giving you a teasing look, “you shouldn’t have.”

“Th– thought you’d l-like it, Sugu–”

“Mm, well,” he builds you up now, between his sensual murmurs, “that’s where ‘m havin’ some trouble.”

He sucks at your clit, suddenly pushing you over the edge, head spinning as your thighs twitch in his big hands.

He lets you have your fun, encouraging you to ride his face through your giddy high, then brings you down with tender kisses.

“That top–” his eyes find the material discarded on the floor, “‘f I see you wearing it again, you’ll be getting much more than a tongue fucking.”

You quiver and shake at his words as he delivers a few final licks with the flat of his tongue, proceeding to kiss your legs and replace your panties.

You lay back on the chair, feeling overwhelmed with the pleasure he just gave you, watching him pick up his shirt, hiding his figure once again.

“See you for my next appointment, yeah?” He coos, sounding as cool as ever, placing a kiss on your lips.

You nod, still in a slight daze as he starts to saunter off.

“Sugu, you know you’re my favourite customer, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

suguru | m.list

[spidernuggets]

hiii first time requesting (if i could claim 🦚 that’d be awesome) from you!!

anyways,

jason fluff inspired by "chemtrails over the country club" by lana del rey

jason’s joker trauma triggers a destructive spiral, leading to a desperate hunt from you (gf or fiancée or gn idc honestly 🤷‍♀️) and the batfam when he goes missing. found right before he could kill the joker the batfam stops him and is freaking out and he drops to his knees and he’s just kinda numb. you’re the only one trying to comfort him and he’s pushing you away but you start reminding him of the life you two want together (queue the lines from chemtrails: “washing my hair, doing the laundry…” etc etc) and he breaks down and starts crying in your arms.

ok yes it’s a bit of a tear jerker but my brain is screaming that this needs to exist so 🥹🥹

anyways tysm for considering and i hope you have an amazing day regardless! don’t forget to eat and drink water 💋

— 🦚??

Jason Todd x Reader

Note: Really? Aren't you peacock-anon who requested feral jason todd? I'm only asking because you asked this around the same time peacock-anon reblogged feral jason todd and said they were the one who requested it. Anyways, whatever, THANKS FOR REQUESTING ME. If you're not peacock-anon, then I'm afraid you can't claim it :(( BUT ANYWAYS i hope you like the fic 🫶🫶

It was one of those nights. The nights where Jason couldn't stay still in bed, always tossing and turning. He tried, but every time he closed his eyes, he was 15 again. He was back in the dark, abandoned warehouse. He was back in the chair, tied up and unable to move. He was back with the Joker.

Beads of sweat trickled down his forhead. He felt like he was suffocating. He looked over to his side, seeing you peacefully sleeping, snuggled into his chest. God, you were so beautiful. Like a Seraphim that was gifted to him during his loneliest hours when he couldn't find a speck light in his darkness. You were his miracle. His reason for continuing to live.

He's already done too much by letting you stay with him. By letting you love him. By letting himself love you. He felt like he put you in this position; a position where you can't leave, can't be free. You're stuck in a position where you have to stay with him.

Sometimes, you wish he could see the way you see him. A beautiful figure shaped and moulded by the hands of the most exquisite and talented scluptor. A man that could love you like no other has. A man who knows how to treat you well, who knows you can be independent but can stay close to you, at the ready to save you from any danger. He will always be at your beck and call.

He shifts away from you, carefully untagling limbs and sitting up. You stirred in your sleep, hand reaching out to find your boyfriend's warmth. He shushes you, pecking your forhead.

"I'm gonna be on the couch, sweet thing," he said, barely above a whisper. You hum in response, letting your arm fall back onto the bed.

You understood that during some nights, when Jason had bad dreams, he needed to be alone. You tried to help him once, trying to wake him up as his screams were muffled as he slept. His hand accidentally made contact with your face. He didn't realise it, even when he woke up. You tried hiding the bruise with makeup, but to no avail. When he found out what he did, he couldn't talk to you. He wanted to punish himself by not speaking to the love of his life. Even when you tried to tell him it was just an accident or that ot didn't even hurt that much, he couldn't even look you in the eyes.

So soon after he started speaking again, you came to the negotiation that whenever he had night terrors, he would move to the couch. He never wants to hurt you like that again.

But even as Jason laid on the couch that night, staring at the cracked ceiling, his thoughts were running wild. A bunch of drunk men were outside laughing. But he heard the cackles of the Joker. A stray cat knocks over a trash can by the alley of their apartment. But he hears the clink of the crowbar.

His heart races, and his pupils contracted. His breathing is uneven. His mind runs to Bruce. Why didn't he kill the Joker? Why is he still alive? Why is he locked up, only for him to break out again? Where was his justice?

He sits up, looking around the dark room. His eyes move to his hands that were resting on his lap. He promised. He promised not to make any lethal decisions as his role of Red Hood. But the Joker is still out there. He's definitely not in Arkham. Arkham Asylum couldn't keep the Joker in captivity even if it had the best security.

He wanted these dreams to stop. He wanted to stop waking up in the middle of the night, worried that a stupid faced clown was going to break in and hurt you. He wanted to stop waking up in the middle of the night and leave your hold just to sleep on the couch. He wanted to stop waking up in the middle of the night because it was worrying you.

Jason grunts, figuring there was only one way to end this. One way for him to finally feel better and to stay in your arms without hurting you again. Jason stands from the couch, putting his shoes on, and sprinting as fast as he can to his nearest safe house where all his gear is.

You stretch as the morning sun burns your eyes. You look around to see Jason isn't beside you.

"Oh right, he's on the couch," you mutter to yourself. You thought breakfast for him would he nice. A nice wake up to a horrible sleep.

But upon entering the living room, the couch was empty. In fact, there was no 6 foot, 200 pound boyfriend to be seen anywhere. You looked all over the apartment.

That's weird. Jason would've at least left a note or a text. You go back into your room, grab your phone, and scroll to Jason's contact name. But as it rang, you heard another ringtone in the distance.

Your eyebrows scrunch together as you walk out of your room, trying to find where the ringtone was coming from. It led you back to the living room, Jason's phone ringing under a pile of blankets.

You can hear your heartbeat in your head. Jason never left his phone. Starting to panic, you dial Dick's number as he answered within three rings.

"Hey, Y/-"

"Dick! I- Jason's not home! He- he went to sleep on the couch last night - I.. Nightmares! He left his phone.. no note! Gone!" You could hardly form a proper sentence. Your fingers pull against your hair, and you hyperventilate. Dick tries to calm you down.

"Hey, hey. Y/n, don't worry! We'll help you find him, okay? I'll round up the other bats and birds, and we'll look for him. He's going to be okay, okay?" He gently says from the other line.

You take a deep breath. "Yeah.. yeah okay," your voice shakes.

You start your own hunt for him as the Bat Family gear up. The first place you look at is at Jason's closest safe house. Going in, you see that a few pistols are gone from his wall. You run to where he stored his armour, but that's gone, too. You call Dick again.

"Dick! His guns, armour- He's out as Red Hood," you worry more. It's broad daylight, Jason shouldn't be out in his uniform.

Dick says, "Got it," before informing Batman that Jason is out as Red Hood. He then tells you to stay put, and that Oracle will update you when she tracks Jason's location.

You pace around the safe house, anxiously waiting for Oracle's call. You couldn't think of a reason why Jason would be out and why he wouldn't tell you. Jason tells you everything!

Then your phone rings.

It barely rang once before you answered it.

"He's in the warehouse." Is all Oracle said before you booted out the door. You didn't even need the address or specific whereabouts of the warehouse. You knew which one she was talking about. The one Jason died in.

Surprisingly, you showed up at the same time as everyone else.

You all rush inside, checking all the rooms. You were the first one to enter the room. And low and behold, the Joker in the centre, tied up in a chair, just as Jason was a couple of years ago, as Jason stood a couold feet away, a pistol pointed in front of him.

You couldn't tell if everything was sped up or in slow motion. But you screamed Jason's name. It's followed by a loud bang, then a couple of grunts and thuds.

As your vision focuses, there's smoke flowing out of Jason's gun, a hole in the wall where the bullet, and the sounds of the Joker's maniacal laughter as he's been tackled to the floor by Dick and Bruce.

You hear a mutter of 'no's. Your attention turns to Jason. His head is shaking, and his lip is trembling. You notice lis legs wobbling, and you lunge forward to hold him as he falls to his knees.

An echo of choked sobs is heard from Jason as he drops his gun and digs his palm into his eyes while he cries.

"Fuck! Why- Why did you do that?! He- He should be dead!" He tried to yell, but came out as cracked whimpers.

"Sh, sh, I know, sweetie, I know," you whisper to him, running your hands through his hair, just as he loved it.

Jason carries on. "He.. he killed me! He took me away from Bruce... he's gonna take me away from you.."

Your heart shattered. You wish and pray that there was more you could do to help him.

"No, no, no. Don't say that, baby, he's not. You hear me? He's not gonna take you away from me," Jason leaned himself into your comfort further, grounding himself. Reminding himself that you're with him. From the corner of your eye, you see Tim and Steph walking up to the two of you, but you lightly shake your head, a silent plea, asking them to leave you be. Damian walks up behind them, tugging on their capes, respecting your request.

Jason tries to shove you off him. But he's too tired. So he tries ti speak instead.

"Get away," he weakly says. "Get away! I'm - You shouldn't be near me," his voice cracks. "He's gonna come back! He's gonna hurt you! I- I'm gonna hurt you..."

"Hey, Jay," you quietly call out, pulling him closer to you. Jason sniffles against your chest. "Remember that time you got a little drunk? I had to help give you a bath?" Jason doesn't reply. But he remembers. He remembers your delicate fingertips massaging his scalp. It felt nice. He wanted to be in that moment again. "Remember what we talked about? How hopefully Gotham's brutality dies down, and we can run away together? We said we'd own our own house. A small one, like a cottage. You'd be cooking one of Alfred's lovely dishes while I'd hang the laundry out in our garden. We'd have movie nights, eating junk food while crying to the Notebook. And.. You even admitted wanting your own kids. Remember that, Jay?" Your fingers caress his scarred cheek. Your lips hovered over his white streak.

You heard a sound coming from Jason. Like he was trying to speak. "Yeah. Two girls. Two... so neither of them would be lonely..."

You smiled, tears stinging your own eyes. "Yeah.. Jason, nothing bad is going to happen to us. We're going to have the life we want. Nothing is going to stop us. Not even that monster. I won't let it happen. You do such a good job protecting me. But you need to remember that you're safe with me too, okay?" You said to him.

In response, Jason breaks down into more tears once again, clinging on to you tighter. "I love you," he sniffles. "Don't wanna lose you."

By this time, you're now crying yourself. "I love you too, my sweet boy," you kissed his head. "You're never going to lose me. I'm right here." Your hand intertwines with his.

The two of you are wrapped in each other's safety and warmth. Jason is mever going to stop about the horrible possibilities that could occur if you continue to stay with him. He thinks he's selfish for not doing more to let you go. But you're like a magnet. Somehow, through all that loathing he feels for himself, you're always going to find your way through the midst of hatred. You're always going to be there to hold his hand and give him the love that he never believed that he deserves. You're always going to show him that loving him isn't a sin.

Hopfully, this reached your expectations, anon 🥲🥲 But it was a lot of fun to write!! ALSO sorry if this seems short and rushed, I'm really trying to get everyone's requests out 😭😭

[fariesoiree]

You’re tired of hobie always taking the lead during sex and you decide to try and be the dominant one for a change. (You handcuff him to the bed-). Hobie goes with it knowing you can’t fully satisfy yourself without he’s help. It’s not your fault you don’t know where your sweet spots are 🥺. That’s ok Hobie is there to take care of you…that if you let him go of course and he’ll have you under him cumming in seconds where you belong. 👀👀😀

heyyyy . . . little short blurb for you and your request :D thanks nonnie. love youuu ; mdni black fem reader 896 words

“what’s wrong, petal?”

hobie’s voice is nothing but mocking beneath you. even with your eyes squeezed shut, you can hear the smirk in his voice and imagine the teasing eyes he’s probably giving you behind the darkness of your closed eyelids.

hobie was supposed to be the one struggling, tonight. he agreed to be at your mercy, allowing you to take control for the night. he didn’t even complain when you pulled out the handcuffs, rattling excitedly in your hands earlier that night.

instead, things went the other direction. at first, you started off a little shaky, struggling to get past the first initial push. you had expected that after swallowing the length of his shaft in your sopping cunt, the night would progress and you’d both be spiralling into pleasurable oblivion.

what ended up happening is you trying, pleading with your body to feel anything good but it just isn’t happening. you’ve bounced, you’ve rode, you’ve tilted your hips in so many directions but nothing. you haven’t even come within an inch of an orgasm and you’re beginning to get frustrated and worst of all, hobie can tell.

“are you having problems?” he chuckles, cuffs jingling in the little hook in the wall — which was installed recently and inspired your idea to restrict him.

you shake your pretty little head and slam your hips down again. a small pant falls out your plump lips. it feels good, of course it feels good, just not good enough. “n – no. i’m fine, ‘bie.”

you have your hands planted firmly on his chest, rocking back and forth with your hair falling around your shoulders. your hair, twisted within the past few days, has begun to get frizzy and shrink even further than it already had. the tiny baby hairs stick to your skin, sheen with a thin layer of sweat.

you’ve been at this for a while.

“ya’ sure? because if you can’t do it, it’s okay.”

you lift your head with a disgruntled sigh and stare down at him the best with can. “shut up. you’re distracting.” you’re seated now, unmoving and chest rising with each breath. you lick your lips and brush the stray strands ticking your face off your skin.

he shrugs with an arrogant grin and curls his lips in, displaying his agreement to be silent. he still watches you struggle, holding back his coes of endearment at your attempts.

your poor cunt must be used and sensitive now, being put through so much but seeing no end. what a needy, suffering princess you are. you need his help and all you have to do is ask for it.

you’re too stubborn, though. it take a few seconds of rest for you to begin again, this time leaning back and flattening your hands against the bed. your hips rise and fall with such passion, edging your nerves with satisfaction that only fuels the insatiable lust farther. just like before, you stop with an annoyed grunt, balling up the sheets in your fists.

“y’know, if you let me out, i could fix all of this, darlin’.” he offers again, arms otherwise laying lax above him in the metal restraints clicked loosely around his wrists.

his voice is starting to get annoying in your head. his suggestions, paired with the nonstop throbbing of your pussy that you can do nothing about, is ruining your mood and you’re just about ready to get off and call it a night. “hobart.”

“i’m just saying, treacle. maybe this position doesn’t feel good for you and there’s nothing wrong with that. why don’t you just let me do it and we can try again tomorrow.” he can’t do much else but talk beneath you and hope you listen to his advice. “i promise. you know i will but i want to help you out.”

hobie knows you’re considering it when you look him in his hazel eyes, reflecting the yellow light from the bedside lamp. he’s delighted to see your arm reach across his vision and to the nightstand.

he doesn’t turn his head to watch you pick up the little silver key in fear that he’s seen too excited and you’d change your mind.

you take the key and insert it into the little slot, hesitantly turning it until the cuffs click in a certain freedom. a part of you is upset that you’ve given in after some hardships but you don’t focus on it too long, desire taking reigns of your mind.

hobie’s hands find your waist faster than you can comprehend. they send burning need along your skin and plague you in a new wave of lust. your cunt pulsates even more than it already is upon his direct contact with your skin.

he sits up, massaging your waist under the pads of his fingers. they slowly brush across your skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. “silly girl, did all that just to set me free because you can’t make yourself cum without me.”

“maybe your dick is just broken,” you challenge back, looping your hands around his neck.

you eat your words when hobie lift your body, drawing his cock back and dropping you back down, wordlessly. it’s humiliating the way you gasp as soon as hobie does it, nudging his tip deep within your walls.

“mm, definitely not broken. you just need me. that’s so cute.”

[rems-writing]

To Love a Siren

Includes: mentions of sexual activity, afab!witch!reader, siren!Yeosang, angst with a fluffy ending, cursing, yelling, drabble based off a song titled Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn't by NIKI & Rich Brian. We need more siren Yeo in our lives lol

@newworldnet @blossomnet

Thank you to @minkilicious for proofreading and shout out to my mother @itsnotmydejavu and my fellow moot @bethelighthalazia

You were in his bed. Again. Your sisters told you to stay away from him yet you couldn’t. You even had Hook stand guard for you every time you did something mundane like go to the grocery store or help Henry with his homework. However, you fell too deep into his trap and there was no way you could escape his clutches. 

I’m talking about the deadliest siren known to all of mankind. 

Kang Yeosang. 

He had brown hair, a unique birthmark on the side of his right eye, irises red as blood, and silver scales that littered his body. He was known for having the smoothest and deepest voice out of all of sirenkind. The sickly sweet honey vocals would lure even the most intelligent pirate to the bottom of the sea and they wouldn’t even know they had died until they found themselves in the Underworld. 

How were you involved in all of this? Well it started back when you were on a mission to gather some things from Skull Rock. Meaning you had to go through. Meaning you had to go through the rambunctious group of Lost Boys who stayed when you captured Peter Pan.

From there, you spiralled downwards. You wanted to unravel the mystery that was the beauty behind the siren. However, you made a pact. A pact that you slowly started to regret. Why? You broke the number one rule when you first started sleeping with him. It was the most crucial rule you guys had yet you went and broke it away.  

You fell in love with him. 

Little did you know

He fell in love with you too

Due to his siren nature however, it ruined everything. 

You were arguing with him earlier over God knows what. Perhaps it’s the bottled up feelings spilling over at once. Or maybe it was pent up frustration. Either way, you were screaming each other’s heads off. 

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!” 

“OH REALLY?! THEN EXPLAIN HOW I GOT YOUR BAD HABITS ALL MEMORIZED!”

“WHAT BAD HABITS?!”

“WHEN I KNOW YOU NEED ME MOST, YOU GO AND SHUT ME OUT! I figured though since you’re a damn Gemini.”

Yeosang rolled his eyes and looked down at you, crossing his buff arms that somehow made his scales shimmer even now. Perhaps it was the sunlight reflecting off his beautifully milk and honey mixed skin.  

“That doesn’t mean shit though. Stop acting like you know all the answers to everything.” 

“I’m not saying I got all of the answers though. But oh boy have I been in love before.”

“Ok and? Your point?”

At this point, you grabbed his hand, to which he flinched. He wasn’t expecting you to step closer to him, let alone grab his hand. You truly must be brave in order to do that. 

“It’s not always peachy. Life ain’t that easy, Yeosang. Believe me. But one thing I know for sure is it shouldn’t be this hard. Sure you couldn’t dtr (define the relationship) and you’re thinking ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stay friends?’ right?”

“Yeah. But I know we shouldn’t. We’re too deep into this… thing we have with each other.”

“Exactly. You know what?”

“What?” 

“If I had your heart, it wouldn’t be this hard.”

Yeosang sighed and pulled you into a long needed hug. You could smell the rum off his breath and you sighed. You figured he would drink before a serious talk like this since he needed the confidence boost. After all, being a siren isn’t easy. 

“Is that why you acted so indifferent the last time we saw each other?”

“Yes.”

“You do realize that it was a bit too much right?”

He tried to joke about it, but you glared at him and he sighed, apologizing quietly for the poorly timed joke. Clearly, he didn’t understand still yet you remained patient since he was still learning. 

“Is there anything else I said that pissed you off?”

“It’s not anything you said. Rather… it’s everything you didn’t.”

“Oh? How so?”

“You always answer my questions with more questions. Tell me. Are you scared?”

“Honestly? Yeah. We’re not always peachy, you know. We fuck like we hate each other when obviously, we don’t. We’re just clueless. Well… I’m just clueless.” 

You giggled at his statement and Yeosang felt his heart swell with adoration at the sight. Perhaps he could try to love you in the way you truly deserved. After all, you saved him from the throes of Neverland.

“I drank too much tonight. I’m looking to get it out of my system.”

“Well, I’m here, loverboy. Let’s establish something once and for all.” 

“You know I’m not one for titles, especially that one. Maybe I’m terrified.” 

“Why is that?”

Yeosang leaned down and kissed your neck, his fangs lightly scraping your skin. You moaned quietly and you felt him smirk against your skin. Like you with his bad habits, he memorized all your spots that made you grow weak.

“I wil admit. That pussy kicked my rules out the door.”

He then swept you up in his arms and led you into his room, where you got lost in each other’s touches and were drunk off of each other’s lips. As Yeosang’s hands skimmed all over your body, you heard your phone ping. 

“I could take more shots or I can take you off your blouse.”

“Do the latter.”

Yeosang smirked and ripped your blouse in half. You whined and he shushed you with a scaled finger pressed against your lips. He then slowly inserted two of them into your mouth and you sucked on them happily. He then took off your pants and groaned at the wetness seeping from your panties. 

“Normally, when we were actually fucking instead of talking and… well in the process of making love, my favorite part is either when I’m done or when you’re walking out of my house. However, I realize that I don’t want that.” 

He then sat on the bed and brought you into his arms. You were shocked by the gentleness of his movements and when you stared into his eyes, they weren’t their normal red. They lightened into a softer shade of pink. He tilted his head and explained some more. 

“The next time I call you, you better pick up. From now on, I’m calling you mine. I want to show you off to everyone and prove to your sisters that even though I’m a siren, I can love like a human.” 

At the end, he could dtr. It wasn’t hard but it also wasn’t easy. Wouldn’t it have been nice if they stayed friends? Yes but…

Y/N had Yeosang’s heart. And no one could take it from her. 

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Babysitter (14)

You're All I Want

MILF Wanda Maximoff X Reader

Summary: In need of money and a way to escape the problems at home, you get a job babysitting two lovely boys named Billy and Tommy Maximoff. What happens when you start to feel things you shouldn't for their mother? Will it bloom into love or leave you heartbroken?

A/N- I would just like to say that there will be some sensitive issues in this story such as alcoholism, homophobia, anxiety as well as more mature content such as smut so, if you continue to read this, please consider this warning.

The Babysitter Master list | General Master List

Chapter 14- W/c 3.3k

Tag list- @Natssluttt @cerberus-spectre @dorabledewdroop @bibliophilicbi @hopelesslyfallenninlove (Comment if you want to be added)

You're All I Want

The door clicked behind you, arms immediately enveloping you into a tight embrace as you held onto her body like your life depended on it. Wanda snaked her arms around your body, pulling you impossibly closer while whispering soft and calming words, trying to stop the sniffing and tears that started to spill down your cheek.

"Oh Detka," she cooed, pressing a kiss to your forehead before tilting your head up to look at her. "What happened?" she cautiously asks, not wanting to further upset you. She never wanted to hurt you.

"She...I..," you stuttered out, letting out an annoyed huff before resting your head back against her chest and holding onto her even tighter. She let out a sympathetic noise, simply embracing you as you try and sort your emotions out. "I hate her," you manage out, Wanda's brows furrowing at the raw tone of your voice, the genuine resentment that laced your words. "I hate her," you repeat continuously, trying to express the detestation you had for that woman.

"I've got you Detka, we don't have to talk about it anymore," she coos when you start to sob into her chest, guiding you slowly to the sofa where she pulls you into her lap to keep you close. It hurts Wanda to see you like this, your cries muffled by her neck as you can't stop replaying her vile words in your head.

How could someone ever love you?

Do you really think anyone will love you after what you did?

What you did to this family?

You and your disgusting ways

It should have been you.

You're just a fucking d-

A low hum coaxes you out of the dark spiral of thoughts you were going down, listening to the soft lullaby leaving the older woman's lips. You focus your attention on her and her only, her breathing to try and steady yours, the gentle tune making you focus on the melody instead of your negative thoughts.

When you finally calm down, you reluctantly tear your face away from the safety of her neck, looking at Wanda with glossed over eyes, a soft and almost pained expression taking over her face at your distraught state.

"I'm sorry," you mumble out, feeling bad for breaking down like that and making her once again care for you.

"Don't ever be sorry for not being ok, sweetheart," she whispers, pressing a kiss to your cheeks then your forehead, the warmth of her lips lingering while her fingers interlock with yours. You play with her digits, the two of you just sitting in silence as you feel the pads of her fingers, then trace each little line against her palm and eventually press your whole hand against hers to see that hers were a little bigger.

"I feel like you always have to take care of me," you mumble after a while, eyes fixed on the way she copies your earlier actions, repeating what you did to her hand on yours. Her fingers trail across your hand in a delicate manner, her head raising to look at you at your words.

"I'll always take care of you," her tone drips with sincerity, genuinity evident in her tone as the pools of green in her eyes overflow with affection and care for you.

"But I want to do something to help take care of you," raising your head to look at her, she can see your still watery eyes, a stray tear descending down your cheek, "I want to be there for you in the way you are for me." Carefully, she uses her thumb to brush away the sign of sadness, gazing lovingly into your eyes as she admires your consideration.

"Oh Detka," she chuckles out lightly, kissing your lips softly before pulling back and resting her forehead against yours. "You take care of me without even knowing it, sweetheart," she whispers, your brows furrowing in confusion. "Before I met you, it was the same thing everyday. Work, look after the boys and then sleep. It was repetitive, boring and I just felt so....empty. Don't get me wrong, Billy and Tommy mean the world to me, but I wanted someone to care about me, in the way Vision should have," you listen to every word, disheartened by the way she wasn't being loved the way she deserved. "Then you came along," she beams at you when she pulls away, the sight causing a swarm of butterflies to take over you while the simple look is still enough to have you melting for her, "And you filled that void, Detka."

"Wanda," you whisper out, her just keeping you quiet by claiming your lips softly once more, smiling into the kiss when you do, a blush tainting your cheeks at her words.

"Y/n," she mirrors your low tone, biting her lip to contain her smile before continuing, "You make me feel caredfor in all the ways I could ever want." Her lips ghost yours, the smile breaking out onto her face as she moves impossibly closer without letting your lips meet yet. "You're all I want."

Her nose gently brushes against yours as she finally presses her lips gently against yours, sighing softly when you kiss her back with the same amount of emotion. You raise a hand to cup her jaw, keeping the pace slow as you kiss her again and again and again until you both just lean your foreheads against each other, basking in each other's presence.

"You're all I want," you echo her words, fluttering your eyes open to lock onto hers, Wanda seeming to also not want to break the tender gaze. As you look into her eyes, you see the way they soften at what you said, her opening her mouth to say something else when her phone makes a noise due to a notification.

"I'm sorry Detka, but I need to get the twins now," she murmurs once looking back up from her phone, a message from the school saying their after school club was over soon. "Will you be alright? Or do you want to come with me?" Her tone matches her soft and soothing actions of her fingers gliding up and down your back, creating a warm feeling to settle in your chest at the way she always seems to know you crave her touch.

"I'll stay and try and do some work if that's ok?" You move off her lap, a little sad that you have to move from the very comfortable position.

"That's perfectly fine Detka," she presses one last kiss to your lips, lingering and indulging in the moment for a second longer before begrudgingly parting and getting ready to collect the twins.

***

Too transfixed by your work, you miss how the door of Wanda's office was opened, another figure walking in and soon wrapping her arms around you. Your body jumped at the touch, Wanda letting out a small chuckle and muttering 'revenge' under breath before kissing your cheek, letting you relax and lean back into her body.

"Are you ok, sweetheart?'' Her tone is quiet to mirror the tranquil atmosphere of the room, hands running up and down your sides while you sigh out.

"Yeah," exhaustion is evident in your voice, head tilting back to look up at the older woman with a small smile. Wanda could tell it wasn't genuine and merely raised her eyebrow at you, you rolling your eyes at the motherly action. "I'm just tired," there's truth to your words and Wanda knows it, deciding not to push further and simply claim your lips briefly to make you smile a little, that shy and flustered look that she loves so much taking over your face.

"I told the twins you had a long day at college so hopefully they don't get too hyper with you," she chuckles out while changing the conversation much to your delight, letting her fingers play with the baby hairs at your neck, "But knowing them, as soon as they see you, they're going to go crazy."

A smile takes over your face knowing how much the twins enjoy your company and vice versa, the older woman noticing your mood slowly brightening.

"They do love me," you laugh out, leaning your head back once more to smile up at Wanda.

"They adore you Y/n," she whispers, her heart melting every time she thinks about how much her children truly love you, having someone other than her to look up to.

"I guess we shouldn't keep them waiting then," your tone is significantly happier than what it was mere minutes ago, moving from your seat to get ready to see the twins.

In an organised manner, you pack up your school work and put it away in your bag, Wanda moving to leave the room when you call out for her, "Wait."

She turns around at your voice, her brows furrowed in confusion as you just offer her a smile, lip caught between your teeth. You beckon her over, the smile breaking out on your face when she stops just before you, looking at you in curiosity.

"If we're going to be with the boys for a while," you drag out your words to exaggerate your point, "I think maybe we should have one more kiss."

An ethereal and angelic noise escapes her, chucking at your cuteness before raising her hands to cup your cheeks, face lowering till her nose brushed yours and lips hovered millimetres away from yours.

"I guess you're just going to have to wait a while then, Detka," she purrs, pulling back teasingly making you open your mouth in disbelief.

"What?" Incredulity laces your tone as you are unwilling to believe Wanda would just deprive you of a kiss, a small pout taking over your feature making the older woman almost crack in her composure.

"Come on Detka, we wouldn't want to leave them waiting," she rasps out, walking to the door before pausing and looking over her shoulder, sending you an innocent and charming smile to break you out of your frozen state.

***

Sticking somewhat to their word, the twins aren't as hyper as they normally can get with you, the only moment of pure chaos being at the dinner table when you and the twins burst out into a fit of laughter, Wanda unaware of what silly thing set you three off. She rolled her eyes when she caught your gaze, your fingers brushing away the tears of laughter as you struggled to stop laughing. The action however only further encouraged the boys to carry on laughing until all of you were once again bursting out into giggles.

"My stomach hurts," Tommy mutters out from laughing too much, trying to regulate his breathing.

Wanda merely shakes her head at your antics as you bite on the tip of your finger to stop yourself from starting again, the smile making your cheeks hurt. Despite the strain in your cheeks, you still smile brightly at the woman opposite you, her facial expression softening when you mouth 'thank you' to her for helping cheer you up.

"Go and put a film on before anything else ensues," Wanda tells the boys in a light-hearted but also serious manner as everyone has finished eating, shooing them away playfully towards the living room while collecting their plates to take into the kitchen. You help her clean up, casual conversation easily flowing between you as you let the dishes soak in the water, Wanda coming up behind you and wrapping her arms around you. "So I was thinking," she whispers in the shell of your ear, the action making your breath hitch, "What if we told the boys you were going to have a sleepover in the guest room so that, in the morning, we can all have breakfast together?" You turn around after drying your hand quickly on the tea towel, letting your hands rest on her waist as you peer up at her.

"That sounds amazing," your words bring a smile to her face, the sight of her toothy grin making you also mirror the happy expression. "As long as I don't actually have to sleep in the guest bedroom," you chuckle out, Wanda's smile turning into a mischievous smirk.

"Depends how well behaved you are Detka," she rasps out, your cheeks instantly turning red at her low and sultry tone, "You have to be a good girl to share the bed with me."

"I'll be good," you sigh out, losing yourself in her captivating green as you both stare into each other's eyes. She bites her lip at your words, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips before pulling away and walking towards the living room where the boys were.

You smile like an idiot for a moment, the domesticity of your whole relationship creating a warm and safe feeling to bubble in your chest.

When you heard your name being called, you shook yourself out of the memories of Wanda that were flicking through your mind and eventually made your way to join the others.

For the twins' entertainment, not because you wanted to, you dramatically flopped onto the empty sofa earning a chorus of giggles from the trio of Maximoffs on the other piece of furniture. Peaking one eye open, you were met with humoured gazes, yours instinctively going to green.

Wanda softly smiled at you while the boys were trying to find where they put the remote to finally start the film, interrupting their movements with her words.

"Boys, what do you think of Y/n maybe having a sleep over tonight?" As soon as the words left her lips, the boys jumped up in excitement, their answer obvious.

"It's going to be so fun!" Tommy exclaims, his brother in agreement as they decide to join you on the sofa you claimed, a puff of air escaping you as they decide to lay on top of you.

"You can share our room with us," Billy rushed out in elated tone, yours and Wanda's heart melting at the reactions.

"I'm sorry Dorogie (darling)," Wanda murmurs out, the boys lifting their head off you to look at the mother, "But Y/n will be sleeping in the guest bedroom," you raise your eyebrow at Wanda, her merely shrugging her shoulders subtly at you while the boys let out displeased groans.

"But mom-" Wanda raising a single eyebrow at Tommy is enough to stop him protesting, knowing that if he tried he wouldn't win.

Eventually, the twins settled, paying their attention to the film while remaining on top of you. They claimed you were a comfortable pillow, you barking out a laugh while Wanda mutters agreement under her breath making you smile over at her. She rolls her eyes when she realises you caught her, cheeks tinting red and you can't look away from her, especially when she was blushing like that.

Failing miserably, you try to steal glances at the older woman while the film plays, her seemingly knowing when you were looking and casting her eyes in your direction, the action causing you to snap your head back over to the screen.

Your cuteness never fails to make her smile, Wanda almost eagerly waiting to catch you staring at her, deciding it was far more interesting than whatever film had been put on. She adored the way you would try and play it off on some occasions, pretending as if you were simply cracking your neck or admiring the various decorations on the wall. Not at all interested in the alluring woman. Not at all.

"Wanda," you whisper-shouted to gain her attention, grinning at her while motioning to the two sleeping figures at your side and half on you. The graceful smile that stretched across Wanda's face created a strange, but pleasant, feeling to course through you, keeping your eyes trained on the upwards curve of her lip to prolong the moment a little bit before she started to whisper back.

"Can you help me get them into bed?"

"If you can help get them off of me," you quip back, making her shake her head while trying not to laugh at the expression on your face when Tommy snuggled closer into your body.

"Dorogies (darlings)," she murmurs softly, kneeling by the sofa you were all on and gently brushing their hair out of their faces. "Wake up for me," they stir and smile drowsily at their mother before sending you a sleepy grin, reluctant to get up. When they do, it's fairly easy to send them to bed as they are tired and desperate to drift back off to sleep. 

You hovered by the doorframe as Wanda tucked them into bed, whispering them both goodnight and pressing a gentle kiss to their foreheads, the motherly action tugging at your chest but your love for them overpowering the painful feeling. She smiles at you when she leaves the room, flicking off the light and shutting the door silently before wrapping her arms around your waist from behind and pulling you closer. Your arms snake around the arms at your middle, head leaning back against her body as you peer up at her with a soft smile etched onto your face.

"Have I been good enough?" you murmur out while turning in her arms in the hallway, peering up at her while your lip is caught between your teeth, hopeful the answer is yes.

"Hmm, let me think," she pretends to ponder for a moment, slowly walking you closer to her room while still acting as if she was deep in thought. When she guides you into her room and shuts the door, closing the gap between you to claim your lips in an affectionate manner, you gather the answer is a definite yes. "I suppose so," she whispers out against your lips, smiling into the next kiss, and the next as you softly press your lips together.

Both of you part to get ready for bed, you slipping on one of your dad's old shirts on and admiring it in the mirror near her bed, Wanda coming up behind you and propping her head on your shoulder while securely wrapping her arms back around your middle. She simply gazes into your eyes through the reflection, watching the mix of emotions swirling around in your eyes and moving to press a featherlight kiss to your cheeks.

"Let's go to bed Detka," her tone is soothing as you offer a small smile, taking her hand in yours while she pulls you into the bed. Your limbs immediately tangle as you snuggle into the older woman, resting your head on the pillow next to her and once again getting lost in her eyes.

You think you could forever stare into the mesmerising sight of her eyes, flickering your gaze over each shade of green and watching the way they soften as they continue to look at yours. You're so transfixed by them, you miss what she says, cheeks tinting pink as you grow shy and flustered under her eyes.

"What did you say?" you sheepishly ask, her fingers moving up to brush the few hairs out of your face before settling on stroking your cheeks with the back of her fingers, the action soothing and lulling you slowly to sleep.

"I asked if you were ok Detka," her tone is so soft and it makes you smile in appreciation, still amazed at how much she cares for you.

"I'm...I'm not ok but I will be because of you," your answer is honest and sincere, Wanda understanding of what you're saying, "You're all I want," her words from earlier are once again echoed, "You're all I need."

"You're all I want, Detka," she whispers out lowly, claiming your lips once more before parting and moving to rest her head at the crook of your neck. Your arms both wrap around each other to stay close, the comforting embrace enough to send you both to sleep.

 The agonising events from earlier dissipate from your mind as you subconsciously hold onto Wanda tighter, knowing she was the only thing you needed to get through everything. 

[thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels]

Please save me from this light of mine (please stay with me in the dark)

Your small hands in the palm of mine - series masterlist here

pairing: gojo satoru x reader x geto suguru (gender neutral)

length: 1.6k

genre: lil angsty

warnings: this is the beginning of the spiral into insanity lmao but I promise we are doing the happy timeline here ok this is not going to follow canon, lil angsty here but y'all know I would never leave you with heartbreak forever <3

a/n: I think this is about uuuh cutting the ppl you love with your sharp edges :( so anyway

There's a heaviness in the air, the humidity weighing on you as the summer sun beats down. Laying in the grass, feeling your chest heave as you try to catch your breath and your clothes stick to your sweat-slicked skin, you feel almost - almost at your limit. Not quite, though. Not until -

A shadow passes over you, blocking out the scorching heat of the sun, and when you open your eyes, you're met with Suguru's concerned face, his hand stuffed in the pockets of his school uniform.

"Aw, you're blocking the light," you sigh, but there's a fatigue in your voice that just causes his brows to bunch further together. He moves anyway, though, choosing instead to sit next to you and stare down at your figure. Not that you'd notice, your eyes fluttering shut again to ward off the bright sunlight.

"Think you've had more than enough sunlight today," he answers easily, eyeing your figure. Your breath has started to calm, your chest rising and falling a bit slower. "And more than enough practicing. How long have you been out here?"

"Not that long," you respond, shrugging as best you can with your hands interlocked behind your head, cushioning you as the grass sways around you. The breeze is welcome- a cool, sweet reverie until you're interrupted again.

"Aw, now don't go lying to us," Satoru says, being the one to tower over you this time. You open your eyes again to squint up, glaring at him as he grins down at you for a moment before planting himself on the other side of you. "You left this morning. The sun's gonna go down soon."

"We're in school," you huff, stubbornly keeping your eyes closed. "We're training. Are we not here to get better? Are you two not?"

"Of course we are," Suguru sighs, and you open your eyes to look up at him. The sun is getting lower on the horizon, the day's light soon to fade along with it. "But we're not here to get ourselves killed. That's what you'll do if you keep going on like this." You scoff at Suguru's words, sitting up to look at him crossly.

"I know what I'm doing - and I know my limits. You don't need to know them for me."

"We're just worried about you, we - hey, we care about you," Satoru begins, but you're already hauling yourself to your feet, determined to end the conversation before it's even really begun. You sway a bit as you stand, and the two of them shoot to their feet on either side of you, hands outstretched. As if they'd need to catch you - as if you'd ever let yourself fall. 

"I thought you wanted to be the best, Satoru," you challenge him, your eyes narrowing. He opens his mouth to respond, a surprised pain flashing through his eyes as you keep going before he can speak. "At this rate, it won't take long for me to surpass you."

Neither of them stop you this time when you walk away.

Neither of them come to see you in your dorm later, either - something that causes your heart to stutter in your chest as you lean against your windowsill, staring up at the night sky and the pale, waning moon. You turn over, in your head, what the other two had been saying to you earlier, the hurt in Satoru's eyes and the way Suguru's hand had stayed outstretched, reaching towards you as you walked away You play it over and over in your mind, something worrying gnawing at you when you think of it. 

You scoff angrily, letting your head fall forward to rest against the glass of your window. There is a loneliness to this life, you think. And it is made even lonelier by the fact that they haven't seemed to realize that yet. Still, there's a part of you that tugs at your heart, pleads for your feet to move, to carry you down the hall to them. There is a part of your soul that begs for them and you cannot snuff it out.

You can, of course, ignore it. And you do - you always do, digging your heels in and refusing to seek shelter from a storm of your own making.

"Don't you think we should go talk to them," Satoru whines, pouting up at Suguru where he lays sprawled across his bed. He'd ignored Suguru's grumbling about how he has his own dorm room when he came in, making himself comfortable while Suguru had just sighed, shifting to give him more space. Now, he leans forward to pet a hand over Satoru's hair.

"They just need a bit of space tonight, probably. If we crowd them, it might make it worse - you know that," he says softly. Satoru rolls onto his front and buries his face in the blankets.

"I just want to make this better - to help them. They're not alone in this, you know? I don't want…" Suguru sighs and runs his hands up and down Satoru's spine over his shirt.

"I know… I know. I don't want them to feel alone, either. They don't have to do this alone. But… you and I knowing that isn't the same as them knowing, yea?"

"I know," Satoru grumbles, rolling over once more to look up at Suguru where he's sitting up. Satoru reaches up to brush a strand of hair behind Suguru's ear, smoothing over his cheek with his thumb on the way back. "I just wish it was easier to make them understand that."

"It'll come… with time," Suguru says sweetly, catching Satoru's hand with his own to press a kiss to his palm. "We just have to be patient for now."

Suguru thinks, as he watches Satoru, that he may have been wrong on that front. Satoru's talking to you about his techniques, about pushing them and expanding them and making them more powerful - the constant drive for more, more, more. You, for what it's worth, look a bit hesitant about the whole thing.

"Isn't that a bit much, Toru?" You ask, crossing your arms over your chest. He scoffs, waving your concern away.

"You were the one who kept saying it," Satoru points out. "You were the one who told me to catch up." You bristle at his words.

"I didn't mean it like this," you say stubbornly. Satoru pays it no mind, laughing and bumping you with his shoulder.

"You should be nicer, then," he points out. From where Suguru's sitting in the shade, away from the two of you, he can see the way you flinch at that, the way Satoru's words hurt you. But Satoru's already walking away, leaving you to stare after him, blinking in bemusement and something that looks suspiciously like regret. 

By the time he's gone, you're stomping over to Suguru to sit next to him, your arms crossed and a frown tugging at your lips. Suguru reaches over to smooth his thumb over your brow gently, a silent reminder for you to relax.

"Is that my fault, do you think?" You ask quietly. Suguru drops his hand to your knee, squeezing reassuringly. 

"It was bound to happen," he says kindly. You're not sure you deserve it. "Satoru's… well, he was always going to be the best, one day." You frown at Suguru's words, a furrow appearing again between your brows as you look up at the sky.

"I thought that was going to be me… before I met him." Suguru hums at your confession, unsurprised.

"Does it have to be one of you?" He asks, and if there's a fatigue seeping into his voice, if there's a slouch to his shoulders, you don't notice it.

"Doesn't it?" You press. Your hands ball into fists. "Satoru's scared of it - I know he is. He's got this fear in him and it's making him desperate." Suguru knows what you're talking about. He's seen the fear in Satoru - the fear that he isn't really the best, that he never will be, that he'll always still be beaten.

"And you?" Suguru presses, a sigh leaving him. It's heavy - this weight on his shoulders. He's not sure where it came from or when it got there, this creeping sort of ache that bears down on him. But it's here, nonetheless, and he's not sure he'd holding it up as well as he should be.

He's also not sure he really hears your answer to his question - something about how you've just got a better handle on it all compared to Satoru - how you're surely doing it all right and don't need the help that Satoru needs. Suguru doesn't mention that he's pretty sure Satoru feels the same - that you need help and he doesn't. You don't think to say that you're both thinking it about him, too - that Suguru is the one who needs an outstretched hand.

Either way, Suguru can't quite make himself believe you, not as the weariness of it all begins to collapse on him, the sun beating down just beyond this patch of shade he calls his own, the cicadas droning loud enough that he finds he can't hear himself think anymore. You're sitting right next to him, he supposes, but you feel out of reach, somehow. And Satoru? Well, he's nowhere in sight anymore.

Suguru wonders when he became so alone - thinks of it while you sigh and rest your forehead on his shoulder. He wonders when it all began to go so wrong.

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 3: Even Tough Hearts Break Under Pressure

Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI)

Summary | While healing up from your miscarriage, Joel and you have some tender moments alone in the bedroom, one of which spirals Joel out of control emotionally where he has a panic attack outside You see a side of Joel you’ve never seen before and you honestly don’t know what to make out of it.  One thing’s for certain you realize that even the toughest of hearts will break under pressure. 

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI, reference to miscarriage (slight at the beginning), language, fluff, angst while person (Joel) is having a panic attack, sexual references, age gap (no age stated in this chapter), slow burn, reference to smut without having smut, reference to child dying previously (slight), slight pregnancy reference (if you squint), reference to rough sex (if you squint), tender moments, sweet name calling (baby, honey, sweet girl, darlin’, etc), descriptions of body type, argument between Ellie and Joel. 

Word Count: 6k

“Joel, honey. Are you ok?” you said as you slowly ran your hand up and down the center part of his chest. As you did you saw his eyes snap open and look at you sternly. His breathing quickened again and you felt his cock strain and twitch hard against your leg, one that you slyly placed in-between his legs.   

Joel was nice and gentle with you when you went through horrible pain and bleeding from a miscarriage. You finally passed a large sized blood clot on the fifth night, and it was then that your pain and bleeding had finally started to slow down a bit so you could rest.  You were still really dizzy and lightheaded, Joel said that was because you were anemic from all the blood loss that had happened. You were hemorrhaging really bad for the first few days and finally you were grateful that your bleeding slowed down to a regular period flow. Joel told Ellie and you that until you felt well enough to travel, the three of you were going to stay in the cabin. 

During the course of the next week, Ellie tried convincing Joel that the three of you needed to stay at the cabin until spring. One evening you had heard Joel and Ellie get into a horrible heated argument about it. You were laying in one of the queen sized beds sleeping when all of a sudden you were startled awake hearing Ellie yell “the snow is too deep Joel, we’re gonna get fucking hypothermia and die if we try going through it.”

You heard Joel yell back "Ellie, lower your voice and watch your god damn language. And for the record, we're sitting ducks out here, if someone shows up we're all dead." 

“No one knows we’re here Joel, no ones been through here in like over 10 years or else this place would have been picked clean.”

“Ellie, you don’t know that. We’re now using the fireplace. People can see the smoke, and you know what that means” Joel said with a slight bite in his voice.

“You know what Joel, have you ever heard of the saying take the positive thing that life throws at ya, huh? This is positive Joel, a fucking gold mine if we allow it. And for the record, we’re dead if we leave anyways so it doesn’t matter. So why not make it easier on all of us, huh? Let us stay-”

You heard Joel yell back “Don’t back talk to me, what I say goes, remember? You agreed and plus I’m the adult and you’re the god damn child. Remember, the rules I have are the things that have kept us all alive. But you know what, if ya don’t like it you can leave at anytime. I won’t fucking stop ya.”

“You know what Joel, fuck you” you heard Ellie scream at him and then storm past your bedroom door and slam the door to her bedroom. 

With your eyes closed you slowly exhaled at hearing that full argument.  Sometimes you just wished Joel would stop running his fucking mouth and listen for a second. Ellie may be a teenager, and she may not have been communicating it perfectly, but she was right.  When you didn’t hear any more commotion in the living room you decided to attempt to relax into the mattress to get some more sleep. You figured you could address this problem later when you had a little more energy. You were exhausted still sleeping about 16 hours a day right now, and your skin still looked really pale in color from all the blood loss.  

After a moment of relaxing you felt that familiar sag of the mattress next to you, followed by two knees creaking and a huff from Joel as his back muscles tensed. Joel had been sharing a room with you ever since the two of you started sleeping here at the cabin because of how sick you had gotten. Joel would only leave your side during the day to go get food, scout the area, etc. while Ellie would lay with you in the bed and watch you. 

You were laying on your side facing the middle of the bed when Joel had laid down.  After a moment of allowing him to get settled you decided to slowly open your eyes and look at him. He was laying on his back looking straight up at the ceiling, brows scrunched together tight like he was in deep thought.

“You know, she’s right” you said after a moment while looking at Joel.

Joel exhaled slowly and said “yeah I know she’s right about the snow. But I don’t like having to stay here just in case people show up.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about Joel” you had said. “Yes, she’s right about that, but I’m talking about when she told you to fuck off. She was right to tell you that.”

You watched Joel turn on his side to face towards you and tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear while saying “now why did ya go and say something like that darlin?” 

“You know why” you say curling yourself up tighter as a shiver runs down your spine. You kept getting periodic shivering episodes recently, like you couldn’t get warm enough, even if you were sleeping right next to the fire.  Joel saw this and tucked himself closer to you draping the blanket he had over himself overtop of your other blanket, in an attempt to help conserve your body heat.  As he did that he said, “enlighten me sweet girl, why is she right?” 

“She’s right in calling you an asshole and telling you to fuck off” you said as your body slowly started to warm up.

“She never called me an asshole darlin’” he said quietly as he tucked you in closer to his chest for you to go to sleep.

“No, you’re right” you said with a yawn as you snuggled closer into the warmth and safety of his chest. “I called you that, and it’s still the truth.”

You heard Joel silently laugh out loud while saying “you’re awfully sassy for someone who’s always so tired. Now go to sleep sweet girl, ya need your rest.”  And with that you started drifting off to sleep. Right before you fell fully asleep you thought you heard Joel say, “and for the record, you’re both right.”

The next day Ellie gave Joel the silent treatment. Joel felt a lot of remorse as he didn’t mean to tell Ellie that she should leave. In fact, the only reason why he had said what he said was because at the time he was upset that Ellie wouldn’t listen to him, but he was still wrong for saying what he said. By the end of the next night, Joel and Ellie had finally made up all the way were they were back to their normal selves bantering back and forth. After listening to Ellie, and hearing Joel spend most of the previous night not sleeping, Joel had finally caved and agreed to stay there in the cabin for the next few months until spring hit. Ellie was right, trying to hike across the mountains in the middle of the winter in the snow proved to be very difficult, especially this winter as Mother Nature kept dumping large amounts of snow onto the landscape. Joel couldn't complain much as his back and knees were killing him from traipsing through the wilderness in at least 10 feet or more of unpacked snow all the time. So you three decided to stay until spring.

When you started feeling better both Ellie and you had started going through the rooms and going through storage containers to find out what you all had for supplies. Joel went out scouting further around the perimeter to see what was around and if it truly was safe. From what you figured, the cabin was abandoned and hadn't had anyone living in it for a very long time, like 10 years or more.  There were a total of 3 rooms with beds, a whole pile of clothes left behind, which all three of you grabbed, several weapons, and some canned food. Two bedrooms had queen size beds, and one room had a twin bed. All three mattresses still looked good for being older. Joel and you continued to share a room together until you were finally well enough not to need constant care. One afternoon Joel had walked into the bedroom you both shared and he saw that you were starting to pack up your bag to head to your own room. 

"Think you're well enough to be in your own room tonight?" Joel asked as he watched you pack up your stuff. 

"Your back is hurting you and you've barely slept Joel, you need your rest" you replied.

"Back's not hurtin' that much darlin'. You can stay in this one with me….or…I’ll move if you want me to" he said softly.  He secretly was hoping that you’d agree to stay and keep sleeping next to him. 

Your back was turned when he said this but you felt your heart ache for how soft he sounded. You wanted to say yes to staying with him in the same room but you also knew Joel. One minute he could be warm, friendly, loving, caring and the next he could be quiet, moody, and cold. You used to be afraid of him, but through time you learned to love this insanely big old broody man that you were traveling with. So you contemplated your answer, and then settled for trying something new as a response, because honestly you needed a break from the on again off again relationship you two were having.  You wanted him to see you, to yearn for you, to need you all the time, just like you needed him. But he was always stuck in that god forsaken head of his, getting in the way of his feelings and desires. So one time he would be nice and then the next not so nice. 

“Joel, honey" you said with a soft and tender voice. "I know your back is hurting you badly baby, and I don’t like seeing you restless while you’re sleeping. You’ve hardly gotten any sleep since we’ve gotten here. How about, for just a few nights, I sleep in one of the other rooms so you can get some proper rest, huh? And then if you want, I can come back and sleep next to you. How does that sound?” 

The two of you remained in silence as you finished up packing your stuff. You’ve never used pet names with him before, not ever.  He was always using them on you. You didn’t know if you were poking the bear, where an explosion would happen, or if the use of those names was something that he would like. As the silence continued, you felt your heart hammering harder in your chest waiting for Joel's reaction. After 2 minutes of silence, which honestly felt more like 2 hours by how nervous you felt, you finally turned around and looked at him. But what you saw was not what you were expecting.

As Joel stood there looking back at you, he was honestly shocked at what you had said to him, at what you called him. Those words, 'honey' and 'baby,' kept going over and over through his head. Those were the same words that he called you, but it felt different to hear them from your lips, it felt deeper and more passionate. At first, when he heard those words he felt upset because the last person who had said those things to him was Sarah’s mom, and he didn’t want to remember or think of her right now. 

While he continued to stand there in silence, he slowly started looking up and down your body, really admiring your features. Your eyes, both fierce but yet kind and beautiful. He could get lost looking into those beautiful brown eyes of yours. Your lips; nice, soft, and plump. Lips that he missed kissing, but also ones that he loved hearing those filthy words and sass come out of. You were a pistol to deal with, but he loved every minute of it. Your beautiful curves, ones that he craved to touch, to feel underneath his calloused fingers. Curves he craved to intertwine his body with, nip and bite along. Curves that temporarily carried his child. Something he didn’t think would ever happen again, but something that he desperately wanted to do again with you. But that was a feeling he kept hidden behind his tough exterior. And then there was your ass. God, you had a gorgeous ass. He wondered what it would feel like to smack, grab, and take it from behind. He wondered what sounds you would make when he could finally fuck you properly in a bed, like the one you were currently standing next to.

The longer he looked, the more tension started to fill the air between you two. He noticed that you looked at him confused at first, but then he saw you slowly scan him up and down too. His hands flexed at his sides, as a way to ease the sexual tension that he was feeling. He hadn't relieved himself  for a while, and he knew he'd need to soon. But somehow touching himself didn't feel as good anymore compared to being buried inside of you. He ground his teeth while inhaling and exhaling slowly. He was struggling, struggling not to give in to his animal instinct. He wanted to grab you, slam you up against the wall and fuck you hard. He had a desperate need to consume you, to make you his in every possible way. But he couldn’t, not with Ellie a few feet away in another room.

When he noticed your eyes stopped moving and that you were staring at his hips, he knew what you were seeing. His cock was rock hard and straining hard against his pants. It didn't help that his pants were also tighter on his toned legs and ass. He always had a construction worker's build because he used to do construction all those years ago. He took good care of his body, though his tummy wasn't as hard as it once was. He was a man in his 50s, with salt and pepper hair, bad knees, and a back that was always sore. His body had some wear and tear with it, that was for sure, but he still knew how to please a woman. And by the way you were looking at him, he was about two seconds from throwing all logical thought out of the window and just fall into bed with you and properly worship your body the way you so desperately needed and deserved. 

As he stood there admiring you he felt his cock twitch in his pants. It was desperate and needy for some attention and you looking straight at it while licking your lips wasn't helping him. After a moment of watching you he had to take a steadying breath. He had to calm down before he lost all logical thought and give in to this need to have you. He closed his eyes to try to relax, to will the tension in his muscles to relax so his cock would stop twitching and throbbing so bad. He knew it wouldn’t take long for him and if he wasn’t careful, he'd have to explain to you of why it only took a few strokes before he came undone in front of you. He knew he'd be coming like a god damn horny teenager, and this fact alone made him feel embarrassed. He wasn't a teenager that could only last for a few pumps, he was a man that knew what women needed and wanted. But somehow with you in this room, looking the way that you were looking and standing next to that bed, his thoughts were racing like a 14 year old adolescent horny boy. 

With his eyes closed he could sense your approach. Your warmth surrounded him, gave him protection and peace in a life that had none of that anymore. He could smell your sweet flower scent. Something that used to drive him nuts as he didn’t know where you had that scent from, until he realized that it was just you. He also could smell your arousal, it smelled citrusy and fruity, but not in a bad way. It was just the hint of it in the air. Most people could never smell things like that, but that was one of the many gifts Joel had with women. This gift he remembered he had as a teenager, and it was a bitch going through school with teenage girls who struggled with arousal all day long. But yours was different. It called to him in a different way. 

As you approached Joel, you saw him tense, and his breathing changed to becoming labored. God, he looked like he was in pain, and you didn’t understand why just calling him honey and baby would do that. Maybe it was a tick about Joel that was a turn on, but you knew that wasn’t it either. Something was going on in that brain of his and you couldn’t tell what it was. You knew better than to pry though. Joel can sometimes be such a big pain in the ass you thought, especially when feelings were involved. But that was a different conversation with him on a different day, when you were feeling up to wanting to try to crack through that tough exterior of his.

“Joel, honey. Are you ok?” you said as you slowly ran your hand up and down the center part of his chest. As you did you saw his eyes snap open and look at you sternly. His breathing quickened again and you felt his cock strain and twitch hard against your leg, one that you slyly placed in-between his legs.  

While you were up close to Joel and you saw it in his eyes that he looked absolutely wrecked. He was twitching hard beneath his pants, and you figured that his pained expression was coming from the hardness between his thighs. When was the last time this man truly took care of himself you thought. You wanted to reach out and help relieve that ache he was having, but with Ellie just a few feet outside of the door, you knew that you couldn't right now. So to help soothe him you took both of your hands and rubbed them slowly down both of his arms. As you did that you watched him take a shaky breath. When you got to his hands, you gently squeezed them and then whispered softly in his ear, “baby, you gotta relax, you’re way too tense.” Then you released your hands and took a step back to give him some room to breathe.

Joel stood there and glared at you for a moment, and then he took his hand and ran it down the length of his face exhaling with a shaky breath saying “I can’t relax baby.” He then looked around the room, as if thinking intently about something, before he dropped his eyes back down at you, and then the floor. After a few moments of silence, Joel nodded his head and reached down to picked up his pack. Then while walking out of the bedroom he said “you can take this room, I’ll take the one across the hall.” You watched him throw his pack in the room across the hall and then stormed outside, right past Ellie who gave him a quip about how hard he was breathing. He never looked at her nor said anything to either of you in return. He just left the cabin by slamming the door.

After Joel had left, Ellie had turned to you frustrated and said “what’s up his ass today?” You gave a gentle smile because you knew. It was you that created the tension at the moment and you smiled to yourself knowing it. Joel didn’t yell at you because he wanted the attention you gave him. It was in this moment you understood, his outbursts at you periodically were coming from a man who didn’t know how to relax or how to process his emotions or need for you. You could tell by the way he looked wrecked in the bedroom and his cock twitching hard against your leg that he wanted you badly, but you weren't going to explain that to Ellie. You kept this knowledge to yourself. So while standing there looking at the outside door where Joel had just stormed out moments ago you said with a smirk to Ellie “I've honestly got no idea."

Joel's POV:

 I can't fucking do this, I can't fucking do this anymore, Joel thought to himself as he stormed out of the cabin.  He felt his heart race and beat hard against his chest, too hard. He felt the panic set into his mind. Thoughts of I can’t keep her safe, this isn’t gonna work kept running through him at an alarming fast pace. With each stomp of his boot in the snow, another panicked thought would emerge. He had to get away, away from the cabin in order to just think, even for just a second. 

His body was drenched in nervous sweat, and his mind was racing, thinking about all the ways he couldn’t keep you safe.  He was panicking. Joel Fucking Miller was having a god forsaken panic attack. Something that he hasn't had for a very long time, and something he doesn't remember how to cope with.  He was broody, an asshole to you because he needed to keep his heart guarded.  He couldn’t just let anyone in because if he did, he would feel these emotions rise to the surface and drown him.  That feeling that he couldn’t keep his loved ones safe, and it paralyzed him.

He remembered he couldn’t stop the depression that happened with Sarah’s mom, and she left him when Sarah was 6 months old.  His love for Tess, he couldn’t stop her from getting infected and leaving this Earth when she did.  And then there was Sarah, his baby girl. He couldn’t stop that bullet from killing her.  He remembered cradling her in his arms as she took her last breaths. How he thought he had failed as her father because he couldn’t keep her safe from the pain of this world.  How he had broken his promise to her from the day she was born telling her ‘you ain’t gotta worry little one, daddy will always be here to protect you. I promise little girl, I will always be there to save you if you fall.’  And now, he felt the panic hit him hard again as he remembered that he couldn’t save her, and how he almost lost you. How the hell was he going to save you and keep you safe when he couldn't even save his little girl.

Joel was about half a mile from the front door of the cabin when his legs finally gave out and he hit the snow with a hard thud as he fell to his knees.  He heard himself let out a broken sob as tears finally streamed down his face at the feeling of losing yet another baby a few weeks ago. He didn't allow himself to feel anything while you went through your miscarriage, you tucked into his chest for warmth and safety. He held you, let you cry it out, and listened to you as your heart ached for losing a baby, his baby. 

He never intended to knock you up that night. It was his birthday and he was lonely for the warmth of a woman, he was lonely for you. God he craved you so bad, still does. That night you were threatening to leave and he couldn’t live with himself if you left him because you thought he hated you. He adored you, and honest to God he was starting to fall in love with you.  

And when he finally realized his deep feelings for you it scared the living hell out of him because he knew he shouldn’t open his heart again like this to someone in this world. He couldn’t help it though, you were so kind, gentle, and pure. You were the one thing that could calm his internal storm, the one that was now raging out of control within him.  He thought that if the world hadn’t gone to shit he would have asked you out on a date and courted you properly. You two would have gotten to know each other properly and then eventually the two of you would may have slept together in his bed, in his pickup truck, on the dryer, on the couch, in the garage, etc.  Hell, he even thought that maybe if everything would have been right, he would have asked you to move in and then maybe even eventually marry him, if you’d have him. But the problem was he wasn’t living in that type of world anymore.  There were no more dates at the movies, no more late night huggin’, kissin’, or fuckin’ in his truck.  There were no more proposals or no more marriage ceremonies with honeymoons.  There were no more trying to start a family or surprise pregnancy positive tests. There was no more holding your hand through pregnancy and watching his child be born.  There were no more barbecues on a Saturday, where kids would play in the yard and all the adults would sit outside, slowly sipping beer, talking about work and what their kids were up to.  There was none of that anymore in this world, and knowing this killed him inside.  It killed him inside because he didn’t want this current hell of life for you.  It didn’t matter to him, yes he missed life before but what killed him the most was knowing that he couldn’t give any of those milestones to you. He wanted a life with you and a family, but he couldn’t risk getting you pregnant again because it would mean death if it didn’t work out right.  

He didn’t know how long he was sitting there on the ground with his knees in the snow.  He couldn’t feel his lower legs anymore, the sting had finally subsided but he didn’t care.  His eyes hurt from crying, but not as much as his heart hurt for you and the world you were living in. He was so lost in his own head that he never heard you approach him.

Female Reader’s POV:

After Joel stormed out of the cabin Ellie had played the 20 questions game with you trying to understand why Joel was upset. "Why did he storm out, what did you say to him, why is he always so moody with you, what were you guys doing?" With each question she asked your answer were always the same, "I don't know" or "we weren't doing anything, we were just talking."

After almost an hour of Joel being gone you started to get slightly worried. Something’s not right, you thought.  Joel usually never leaves for this long of a period of time without checking in or saying where he's going.  You stood up and looked over at Ellie and said “Kid, I’m gonna go see where Joel’s gone to, he’s been gone a little too long. Stay here, keep yourself safe.” As you left you noticed that Ellie was still ranting about men and how irritating they can be when you had grabbed your gun and walked out the door going to go search for Joel.

As soon as you stood outside you tried to see where Joel had gone. When you didn't see or hear him you felt panic set in for a moment. Where did he go, you thought. You started looking around in the snow to see where his footprints went.  When you didn’t see any right by the cabin you started walking in a circle around the cabin look for prints.  You happened to catch snowy footprints about 100 feet from the cabin’s front door and as you approached them you noticed that they were Joel’s.  You decided to follow them to see where he went and you had to walk for a bit, winding between trees, before you came up upon him. You saw that Joel was on his hands and knees on the ground.  At first you froze, wondering if he was sick or hurt.  But then you heard him let out a broken sob and him saying “why does this hurt so much when they leave.”  Without even thinking about what had happened you quickly made your way over to Joel. When you got by his side you got down on your knees, grabbed him, and slammed his body hard against yours into a firm and tight hug. “Shh, it’s okay, No one’s going anywhere baby. We’re all staying right here with you. I’m staying right here with you. I ain’t leavin’ you.” And when you told him that last line that you weren’t leaving him you felt him fall apart more in your arms. 

You sat there holding Joel firmly in your arms, rocking him side to side, kissing his forehead, and brushing his hair away from his forehead. You had never seen Joel this broken before. He has always been the one person who's held it together all the time. He's always been the rock that Ellie and you have leaned against when things seemed hopeless. He's been the shoulder you two have cried on multiple times when the world has given you an unfair turn of events. He's been both of your protectors, knowing just what needed to be done. And he's been the biggest moodiest thorn in both of your sides constantly yelling at you both to have a firm upper lip. And yet now he’s here falling apart like a child in your arms and you didn't know what to do.

Joel had clung onto you for about 10 minutes, you were his lifeline that was tethering him to this Earth as sob after sob came out from his mouth.  Joel Miller was falling apart in your arms and no matter what you said to him it wouldn’t quiet his sobs. So you just sat there holding him until he quieted himself down and cried all of his emotions out.  What you didn’t know at the time was he was crying for Sarah’s mom, crying for his daughter that he lost, for Frank and Bill, for Tess, for the baby he just lost with a miscarriage, for Ellie, for Tommy, and also for you.  He carried a large weight on his shoulders, never processing or dealing with his emotions until now.

After he was done he had pulled himself back and wiped the tears from his eyes saying “fuck, here I go yellin’ at you for always being so damn emotional when I’m sittin’ here cryin’ like a god damn baby that’s just been born.”

“No Joel, I think you’re cryin’ worse than that” you say with a slight smirk on your face.

He looks over at you with a slight scowl and states “thanks darlin’. You’re making me feel so much better” as he laughs slightly shaking his head while getting up from kneeling down in the snow.  

“Just trying to lighten the mood, Joel” you say softly.  Then you add “Joel, are you ok? I mean you were falling apart, I don’t know what it was all about but you obviously were dealing with some heavy shit. I know you may not want to talk, but you know.”  You stopped and stared at him, not finishing the sentence of 'you know you could talk about it with me if you want.'  

You noticed that Joel started to slowly grind his teeth again while thinking. He kept giving you periodic glances while brushing the snow off from his pants. He had walked over to pick up his gun and was checking it. You noticed that he kept periodically looking over at you, as if studying you a bit before he responds. You do everything you can to keep yourself calm for him, but you feel your heart pounding in your chest. Joel can either run hot or cold, and you don't know which way he was going to run right now, and all you hoped for was that it wasn’t cold.

Joel mulls over in his head what had just happened. He thought he was alone so he finally let his guard down fully, and allowed himself to feel everything that's been happening. He didn't think it had been that long he was gone, but he could tell by the initial look on your face that he was gone too long. He couldn't blame you for coming to look for him, hell he would have done the same thing. But God he felt embarrassed. Men his age are not supposed to fall apart like that and he didn't want you to think he was weak. He wanted you to think that he was strong, that he could carry the weight of this world on his shoulders and give you a safe place. 

So after checking his ammo, Joel eventually placed the gun over his shoulder with the strap resting on his shoulder while reaching out to you with one hand and says "come m'er.”  You stood there puzzled for a moment at his statement, cocking your head as you didn't understand what he just said or wanted. When you didn't do what he asked, with a little bit more bite in his voice he said “darlin’, don’t make me say it again, I said Come. Here” as he pulled you into a deep hug. 

At first you stand there rigid not knowing what to do as you don’t want to upset him, honestly you are in unfamiliar terrority. Yes, Joel will hug you like this when you fall apart, but you’ve never dealt with Joel falling apart before. Joel could feel your rigid muscles and you hear him sigh against you, and you know by that sigh that he’s rolling his eyes at you being so tense.  So you finally relax yourself into his embrace and allow yourself to be consumed by his presence. You hum quietly into his chest feeling content as you smell him. He smells like pine, musk, cinnamon, sweat, and Joel; your favorite smell.  Right before he pulls you away he says “you mean everythin’ to me darlin’. Don’t you ever forget that, m’kay.”  Then he pulls away from you and turns to walk back to the cabin alone.  

After a moment of watching Joel walk up ahead of you, you go and pick up your gun that was against the tree, you check it like Joel has taught you, and then you trek back up the hill alone towards the cabin.  When you finally reach the cabin you hear Ellie talking with Joel asking if he could help her get some firewood and start the fire in the fireplace because she was cold.  He mumbles to himself stating "of course you’re cold" then he goes and grabs the ax.  You offer to help him but he says “no baby, I got it, thank you though darlin'" and then he walks off alone to go chop down a few trees for firewood.  When you hear him chopping at a tree a few feet into the woods you glance over at Ellie who looks at you and says “what the hell was that? And did Joel just say 'thank you' like what the fu-"

“I don’t know Ellie" you said interrupting her. "I have no idea” is all you say as you both glance towards the sound of Joel chopping down the tree. Truthfully you don’t know what the hell happened. You had never seen that side of Joel ever before, and you didn’t know if that was something that you were supposed to see. All you knew was that it now was going to be a few interesting months until spring, and honestly you couldn’t wait to see what would happen in this cabin by the woods. 

-End Chapter-

Author Note:  Thanks guys for reading this one. I know this one is mostly filler, but I wanted you guys to get a glimpse inside their heads as characters more and a chance for them to develop. I'm enjoying writing this and they're definitely more Chapters in the future.  The next chapter is going to get spicy again with both Joel and the female reader.

Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list.

Tag list: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark

[soda0531]

Read it out loud

König x Reader (one shot)

(!smut warning)

You always had a crush on Konig and you were flirting here and there and even other people already made jokes that you two should already kiss. You decided that you would write him a note and tell him your feelings this way..

(I never wrote something like that so please don’t be disappointed too much 🫶🏻)

You were shaking when you slipped the note into his jacket while he was training outside. Maybe it was silly but you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him your feelings in person since you were also too afraid of rejection.

Too nervous to eat dinner at the cafeteria you went back to your room and your thoughts started to spiral.

A sudden knock at your door brought you back to reality. Looking trough your door viewer you looked straight into a pair of blue eyes and you started to shake. Slowly opening the door König rushed inside and slammed the door close after him.

You didn’t even had time to react as he grabbbed your shoulders and starred right into your eyes „Please tell me you wrote the note" he said with a shake in his voice almost begging. You blushed and your heart beat fast as you said yes with a quiet voice.

König pushed his hood up and kissed you. His kiss felt hungry and it felt almost as he was relieved to finally kiss you. He broke the kiss quickly to look at you „I hope it was ok to kiss you?" He whispered against your lips with a deep voice and heavy breathing. „more than ok" you answered him, slowly pulling up his hood again to expose his full lips to kiss him again.

König let his hands wander down your sides to your hips and pushed you even closer to him. Without breaking the kiss he pushed you gently to the bed and suddenly you were laying under him on your back on your bed. He pulled away from the kiss sitting up while looking down at you with hungry eyes for a moment before he leaned back down to you. His face next to your ear, his hands slipping under your shirt to explore your body letting you shiver under his touch. His hands felt gentle but it also seemed that he was holding back. „But I have to admit that I wished you would tell me your feelings towards me in person y/n…" he whispered into your ear. His voice was deep and teasingly serious and you could feel his breathing against your skin while he was suddenly holding up the note you wrote him, in front of your face. „Why don’t you read it out loud while I’m being busy with exploring your wonderful body” you could hear him smirking and your face turned red in embarrassment „I-I can’t" you stuttered „Please" he begged whispering against your ear but his voice sounded demanding. With shaking hands you took the note and opened it.

Meanwhile Königs hands pushed up your skirt and let his hands wander and explore your thighs. You felt his fingers slowly striping down your panties and you felt a little bit embarrassed as he pushed your thighs apart and positioning his face between your legs. „You can start reading now" his voice sounded demanding and only his blue eyes looked up to you.

You tried to control your breathing as you felt his thump on your clit circling it slowly with no pressure. He used is hood to cover your lower part and you could feel his breath against you „I’m listening" he looked back at you waiting while his thumb was still circling. You turned your eyes at the note „König I need to tell you something but I don’t know how so I hope you are not mad that I wrote you this" you let out a moan as you suddenly felt his tongue entering you. It was warm but the movement stopped as you stopped reading and you could feel Königs eyes looking at you with raised eyebrows. You continued to read with heavy breaths „I always enjoy spending time with you” his tongue moved again and he started to apply more pressure on your clit „and I always felt comfortable with you" he removed his tongue and you felt two of his fingers entering you which made you stop reading again to moan out his name. His fingers were long and just hit the right stop „you are just torturing yourself you know that right?" König said teasingly as he removed his fingers which let you whimper and move your hips move towards him begging for more. He just looked at you waiting for you to read. „I have to admit that I really like you, König” his fingers entered you again with slight force and you felt his lips on your clit sucking slightly on it while his tongue flicked against it. You moaned out his name and continued to read while his movements got quicker „I developed feelings for you but it’s ok if you don’t feel the same way" his fingers were hitting the right spot again and again and your legs started to tremble. „we can still be friends then" he moaned onto your clit which gave it a vibration and you felt your orgasm coming „you can ignore this note if you won’t .. y/n" you threw the note to the side to grab onto his head „König…!" You moaned out loud as you felt your high. Your thighs pressed against him and you pushed your hips down the bed. Small starts appeared before your eyes and your heart beat heavy against your chest while looking up at the ceiling.

König sat up and looked at you with soft eyes „Good girl" he said while pulling his hood of his head to throw it on the floor. You knew how he looked under there but because it was a rare sight you always got blown away on how attractive he was. He gave you a smirk und took of his shirt and leaned back down to you. „That wasn’t so hard wasn’t it?" he said teasingly but your brain was still foggy from your high and you just wrapped your arms around him to pull him in for a kiss. His hands reached under your shirt to open your bra and you let out a soft moan as you felt his both hands on your breast squeezing them slightly. „so soft..” he moaned and broke the kiss to take of you shirt. He undressed his pants and underwear to expose his fully erected penis. It was huge you thought to yourself. You were always suspecting that he was big but his size made you worry that he would actually break you.. König seemed to notice your concern and you felt his hand around your cheek. „it’s ok if you want to stop here y/n, I won’t be mad" His voice was sincere which made you relieved and you smiled back at him covering his hand on your cheek with your own „I don’t want to stop" you said and König positioned himself between your legs, leaned down to you, one arm on each side of your face. He looked into your eyes while you could feel him enter slowly. Your mouth opened up on its own in pain and pleasure and your hands grabbed onto his upper arms. He waited for you to relax a bit then pushed in a little bit more. His breathing got heavy „you ok?" He gave you a concerned look and you just nodded biting down on your lips. He pushed again and you could feel his hips against yours. He was stretching you a lot and the pain turned fully into pleasure quickly. „fuck..” he moaned and closed his eyes before looking back at you making sure that you are ok. You relaxed a bit and wrapped your armes around his neck pulling him down for a kiss and König started to move himself slowly in and out of you. You broke the kiss moaning and you felt his moaning against your neck „I forgot to tell you that I also really like you y/n" he said while his movements got harder and you felt your second high coming „König I’m..close again" you moaned and immediately you felt Königs lips covering one of your nipples which made you whimper out his name. His movement became a little bit sloppier and you felt his penis twitch inside you. „y/n…y/n…" he moaned your name over and over seemingly being close himself. You wrapped your legs around him to get him even deeper as you felt your walls clench around him and a load moan coming from you as you felt you orgasm. König pressed his lips against yours as he thrusted inside you a few more times before letting out a deep moan into your kiss and you felt him filling you up. He broke the kiss to look at you. His face was sweaty and he tried to catch his breath smiling at you.

We stared at each other for while not moving as our breathing became less heavy and the ringing in the ear stopped. Gently König pulled out and let himself fall next to you on his side. „I love you y/n. I fell in love with you for a while now and I wished I told you earlier but I’m glad that you wrote me such a sweet note" His voice was so sweet and gentle and you turned your head towards him smiling softly „I love you König”

[writeawaythepain]

That Funny Feeling

Jimmy Solidarity x (gn!reader)

…Hey! I’m not dead! And I finally have the urge to write again! Hope you enjoy my spiral into a new fandom!

tw: self-deprecating thoughts, angst (don’t worry there’s a fluff at the end)

Word count: 1.7k

Prompts:

“You are worthy of love and friends and respect.”

"why do you care!" "because i’m in love with you!"

Summary:

You walk in on Jimmy having beef with a fence post, and though you're not really surprised, you wonder if he’s dealing with more pain than just that of his injured foot. Includes you giving the poor guy a much needed hug, and a slip-up that lets him in on how much you really care about him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You don’t think you’ve ever really seen Jimmy upset…not really. He never minded being the butt of any joke, laughing along at any jab or insult. He didn’t mind if people made fun of him as long as it made someone laugh at the end. He was selfless like that. You were always a little bit jealous of his resilience, and maybe that’s why you always thought of him as almost…invincible.

So, when one day you came to check up on how the Sheriff’s new building was going, you were surprised to see that barely any progress had been done. It actually…seemed like he’d torn parts of it down. You approached slowly, taking in the half done walls and foundation, a door frame without a door, and started to look for him. 

Before you can even call out to him, though, you see the back of a familiar blonde cowboy. A cowboy who was seemingly talking to himself. “No- come on Jim! You know you can do better at this- you just gotta… just gotta…” He stops, clenching his fists and yelling out in frustration. “It’s not that hard!” He emphasizes the last word by kicking a rickety fence post, but it must have been sturdier than he expected because he instantly flinched back, grabbing his foot and crying out in pain.

The whole sight was almost cartoonish, with him wearing his cowboy hat and boots, so you couldn’t help but snicker even as you reached out your hand in concern. “Oh my god Jimmy, are you ok?” You can’t stop the smile that spreads on your face, but it wavers slightly as you approach him and notice…are those tears in his eyes? He quickly wipes his face, replacing his frustrated look with an excited smile. 

“Oh hi! I didn’t even see you there! Me and this fence post are having beef, actually- See, it won’t do what I tell it to, and make my stuff look good so I was reminding ‘em who's in charge round here!” He laughs a little as he says it, his smile so bright you're inclined to believe him…it wasn’t quite reaching his eyes though, and you still wonder if the kick hurt him more than he was letting on.

“Yea, you really showed him!” You try to mirror his energy, shaking off some of your worries as he replies in his usual chipper tone.

“Yea I did!” He laughs but then slightly turns away from you. “Listen uh…you know I always love having you around. You’re welcome anytime! But uh…I really have a- a thing I gotta do and…” Your smile drops as you see him wince a little as he puts his weight on the foot he ‘beat up’ the fence post with.

“Hey Jimmy, is your foot ok?” You walk up to him, concerned. “Maybe you should sit down-“

“Nah I’m fine…probably anyway.” He laughs like it’s a joke, but when you look at him you're not smiling.

“You're limping. You might not have broken anything but- here, sit down.” You gently put your hand on his shoulder.

“It’s really nothing, I’m just being an idiot...” He moves away from your touch, shaking it off and puffing up his chest a little. He tries to shoot you a smile again, but it did little to aid your concerns.

“Just, let me take a look at it? Maybe I can help-“ You start, a little frustrated at his stubbornness.

“But I don’t need help! I can take care of it myself! I just- I just stubbed my toe. I’ll be fine!” You sigh, giving him a weird look, but deciding not to push it.

“…why were you beefing with the fence post anyway…did it kill your grandma?” You joke, hoping to fix the awkward air that had somehow come between the two of you. It’s weird, you’d never felt awkward talking with him before.

Instead of responding, Jimmy just turned towards his half finished building. And stood there. After a while he finally spoke. “Listen I’m, kinda busy right now. Maybe you can come back another time?” …Alright that’s it-

“Ok Jimmy, what is up with you? I came here to see your build, which looks less finished than when I saw it days ago may I add, and instead I see you kicking a fence post, getting defensive when I try to help, and now you don’t even laugh at my Trolls joke? …ok maybe it's an old meme but still-“ You chuckle, still kind of hoping he’d just turn around and start acting normal again. You’ve never seen him act like this before.

All he did was stand there…and as the silence grew longer you couldn’t help but start to get worried. “Gosh…I really am useless.” He finally says.

You almost roll your eyes, “Your not useless Jim-“ 

“Yes- yes I am!” He says it so firmly you freeze. You’ve never heard him raise his voice like that before. 

“I can’t build, I can’t fight, I can’t even be the guy who smiles all the time! I’m- I’m basically worthl-“ He stops himself. “…and I don’t know why I’m telling you this- I’m sorry.“ You're so surprised by his words you don’t even know what to say. “I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just-“ He takes his hat off of his head and grips it in his hands. “It’s so stupid- I’m so stupid. It shouldn’t be this hard for me to just-“ His grip on the hat tightens.

“…Jimmy, you are not worthless. You don’t have to smile all the time to be the brightest ray of sunshine I know. You could probably make me see the silver lining of getting stabbed for god's sake-“ You almost laugh at your own words, hoping it would get through to him. “You are worthy of love and friends and respect. And I’m sorry I don’t tell you that enough.” You walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He slowly spins around, but doesn’t meet your eyes.

“I’m just being a baby-”

“No, no you're not. It’s ok to- to feel bad sometimes.” You interrupt gently before he can insult himself again.

“Why- why do you even care?” His voice wavers, and now you can see the tears streaming out of his eyes. 

“Because I love you…you idiot.” Jimmy freezes, and even you are a little surprised at your own words, but it’s true. “People care about you- I care about you! I don't care that you can’t build giant castles or fight dragons, or that you get mad or sad sometimes-“ Your rambling a bit, trying to recover from the bombshell you just dropped. Jimmy was just staring at you, eyes wide. 

“…you…love me? Like…love, love me?!” He says slowly, not really paying attention to anything else you said after.

“I- this is probably not the best time to just- but, yea. I really do.” You can’t help but look down as you admit it, and when you look back up at him he’s crying all over again. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“

He steps forward and wraps you in a hug, sobbing into your shoulder. You hug him back, rubbing his back and giving him some words of encouragement. Slowly his sobs get quieter, and eventually he pulls away from the hug.

“Um…” He sniffs. “I know I probably look like a mess right now-“

“Just a little.” You tease gently, wiping a stray tear off of his face.

“Right- but um…I love you too. Just so you know.” He avoids your eyes as he says it, then looks directly into them, gauging your reaction, as if to ensure this wasn’t all a joke.

“Like…?” You start.

“Yea…like that.” He gently bumps his forehead against yours, his regular confident smile returning to his face. “I cannot believe you fell for my Sheriff rizz.” You laugh, shaking your head.

“Don’t- don’t say rizz-” You try to suppress a giggle, pretending to be upset. “Great, now you ruined the moment.”

His bravado instantly drops, “Wait. No wait I didn’t mean to-” You shut him up by yanking his neckerchief and planting a kiss on his cheek. “To…to…” His face slowly reddens as his brain catches up to his speeding heart.

“Fixed it.” You say simply, chuckling softly as your Sheriff still reboots. “I think I’m the one with the rizz~” You laugh.

“Yea, no I see how that ruins the moment.” You laugh even harder at his reaction, and he can’t help but join in. After a few moments, you end up gazing into his bright hazel eyes.

“You know you can always talk to me when you're feeling upset.” You say seriously, taking one of his hands with both of your own. “Don’t just…no one should be alone when they're feeling like that.”

“...I know…You're right, as always.” He smiles appreciatively, grabbing one of your hands with his free one. You both stand there, swaying your interlocked hands gently back and forth, just enjoying the other's company.

“You know, when you're feeling up to it, why don’t I help you finish this…” You look over the half finished building, realizing you had no idea what it was actually supposed to be.

“Barn. It’s – ” he sighs, as if even bringing it up makes him feel tired all over again, “ – ‘supposed to be a barn.” 

“Barn! Right, and we could even ask Joel to help.” His eyes widen.

“No! You can’t tell him- Oh my god I’d never hear the end of it!” You laugh at the urgency in his voice.

“Ok! Ok. It’ll just be me. I’ll help you…” You let go of his hands and instead interlock your fingers behind his neck. “It’ll be our little secret.” He gazes into your eyes with a look only comparable to a lovesick puppy.

“Gosh I really wanna kiss you right now-” He lets out with a whisper, and then it’s your turn to get a little flustered.

“Well…then kiss me cowboy.” You lean in and he meets you halfway, and the kiss is just as sweet as the blonde Sheriff you share it with.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[prismuffin]

Hey hey it’s me again lol. Can I request (Comic one where he’s an adult) Peter Parker x M!Reader who is a detective? Maybe he keeps visiting him during work and Reader has to remind him that he’s working. I want to thank you for taking my requests and I love reading your stuff. 🫶

A/n: awww this idea sounded so cute I love it😭 sorta a long one, im sorry?? idk if thats a bad thing

Distraction

Peter B. Parker x male!detective!reader

( summary: when your boyfriend Peter comes to drop off your lunch he decides to bother you for the rest of the day instead of leaving )

Warning?: light swearing, talk of guns, slight violence

!-!more under the cut!-!

After the events of spider-verse Peter had tried to fix his old life, make amends with Mary Jane and become the hero that New York needed once again, only it didn't entirely work out that way. He had tried to go back to MJ only to see that she was in a whole new relationship; he still talked to her though, told her the things he should've said years ago and she consoled him, told him to move on in his life and find someone new. So he did, he moved on and started working out a bit more, started showing up and stopping crime again which led him to meeting you.

You were a successful detective working for and with the NYPD, solving cases before and after they happen, so you hung around Spiderman a lot. You two would have playful banter whenever you crossed paths. You'd have silent competitions over who could stop and catch the most criminals (it was always gonna be him but you actually do give him a run for his money). He liked you more than he admitted. He was so scared of fucking up again that he just put this distance between you two, leaving his sly, flirty, playful remarks as the only sign of affection he could show you. He hit this rock bottom state again where the only thing he could think about was failing and you and failing you. He'd have nightmares about him not being able to save you, texting you at the dead of night with the number you gave him for emergencies to make sure you're ok. Sometimes you'd scold him for wasting your time or waking you up but he didn't mind. He was stuck in this spiral and one night he decided to stop feeling so conflicted and tell you about how he felt, and he did, just not in the way he wanted to.

You'd been tracking some criminals for months and finally were one step ahead of them, or so you thought. You caught them once but they weren't found guilty. The police station you worked at didn't classify them as a threat because of that and the chief made you drop the case since it seemed to have gone cold, but you knew they were the culprits. You watched a bar from your car, waiting for the men you've been looking for to come out. You needed to catch them in the act so you had decided to stake it out. The bar door opened and your hand went to your gun as you spotted the men leaving. You quickly made sure your gun was loaded before grabbing your phone, texting Peter, or as you knew him, Spider-man your location and what you were doing just in case. You told him if you didn't respond in fifteen minutes to come and help since you weren't entirely sure if you could take the men on in a fight.

Your hunch was correct when you'd in fact lost the fight you had no chance of winning, hell telling Spider-Man not to come save your ass until fifteen minutes into the fight was being very generous for the criminals. Although, Peters worry for you had made him come and help 8 minutes earlier than you said, I mean he would've come earlier if he'd seen your text sooner but still. It was that night, when he had in fact saved you, when he decided to just come clean about his feelings towards you, even if you rejected him; and so Peter decided to take that leap of faith and asked you out which lead to moments like this, where you’re sat at your desk, looking out your window to see your boyfriend on the building next to yours, waving with a lunchbox in hand. You sigh and shake your head, getting up and closing the blinds not only to mess with him but also for your own sanity before sitting back down and turning back to your paper work. Of course your silence only lasted a few more minutes before a knock was heard on your office door. "Come in." You didn't need to look up from your paperwork to guess who it was, "Guess who brought you lunch~?" You couldn't help but smile at the sound of your boyfriends voice. "Thank you Peter," You looked up at him and smiled as he placed a lunch box on your desk.

He'd turned to leave and was at the doorway when he looked back and saw you move the lunchbox off to the side. "Are you not gonna eat it?" You heard Peter ask and your eyes snapped to his before glancing at the lunch box. "I will Petey, I'm just very busy right now." You gave him a close mouth smile and he crossed his arms, looking you up and down before shrugging. "Alright," you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding when Peter just moved on, usually he'd bother you or someth-

Your thoughts were cut off by your paperwork being snatched from your desk. Peter, who'd used his web shooters to grab your paper, looked at you, almost disapprovingly. "You're not getting this back until you eat that lunch. Do you know how much effort I put into making that." You rolled your eyes, but smiled, and grabbed the lunch that he'd packed. He sat down across from you and wasted no time getting comfortable, kicking his feet up and leaning back. "Peter, this is a gyro from Frank down the street, you didn't make this." He looked at you, down at the gyro, and back at you before shrugging. "Still took a lot of effort." You shook your head at his antics "Unbelievable.." You mumbled before taking a bite out of the gyro. The tapping of your pens got your attention as you watched Peter play with them like they were action figures.

Even after you finished eating he wouldn't stop bugging you, poking your shoulders as you wrote and calling you overworked, which was true, but there wasn't much you could do about it. He was usually like this on slow crime days where he found there was little conflict on the streets of New York which would lead to him thinking about you and missing you and then showing up at your job either as Spider-man coming in to "address official crime business," or as Peter Parker to drop off his boyfriends lunch or to give his boyfriend a file he left at their apartment. Though times when he distracts you like this are annoying you still find them sweet since he does this when he misses you.

"Alright," You placed your pen down after being prodded by Peter for the 127th time. "If we cuddle on the couch for five minutes will you leave me alone to do my work?" Peter looked up and hummed to seem like he was thinking before smiling and nodding. "Yeah alright that's fair, but, lets make it ten minutes." "Fine." You got up and Peter cheered, practically leaping on the couch in your office. He opened his arms for you with a large smile on his face and you respectfully plopped right into them. You both let out identical sighs as you snuggled up into each other, your stress melting away as Peter rubbed your back. "ugh god, you're such a distraction Pete.." you mumbled with your eyes closed, the feeling of sleep creeping up on you. Peter just hummed, looking at you with adoration in his eyes. You both were definitely on that couch for longer than ten minutes but neither of you seemed to mind.

----!----

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!!

My requests are OPEN so feel free to request anything! Just make sure you check out my Request Info!

Masterlist

[babbygirlblues]

Eavesdropping

Natasha Romanoff x reader 😏

Summary: Natasha overhears the team teasing you about a crush. She’s heartbroken. 

Warnings: Mention of injury, guns, a bit of a make out sesh. Reader is assumed to have male crush. This writing = not my finest prose.

Note: bit of angst, fluff. 3K

Tony’s laugh is loud, it bellows over the top of everyone else's voice. It’s only quieter than his own voice which rings out clearly down the hall. Natasha is half-asleep making her way to Fury with some reports when your name catches her ear.

“Ooooh you don’t just have a crush, Y/L/N’s fully in love!” He roars out.

Love? Natasha pauses in the hallway out of sight. Her heart is suddenly pumping fast and the pulsing blood booms in her ears as she tries to listen. 

“I’m sure he’ll come around Y/N.” Wanda says kindly. 

He? At that, Natasha’s heart stops completely. She can’t hear it beating in her ears anymore. Instead a ringing sound has taken over and she feels sick, dizzy. 

“I don’t know Wanda, I’ve already dropped so many hints. Maybe I finally need to pick up my hint, that he’s just not interested.”

Natasha walks back to her office on shaky legs and pretends that there aren’t tears in her eyes. Her blurry vision obscures the guest chair in her office and she walks right into it. Her documents fall to the ground as she catches herself from tumbling over it. 

“Ow, shit!” She huffs and clutches her knee.

Clint pokes his head in the doorway. “You okay, Nat?”

She glares at him. “Fine.” She grumbles. 

“New mission just got posted. You, me, Y/N and Tony.” He says. “Should be a fun one.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

Natasha bends down to pick up her papers and Clint is surprised by her lack of response. Usually Natasha would be thrilled to get a mission with you, plus a small group means you’ll probably be paired together. Right now, she feels painfully empty about it because clearly it has meant more to her than it does to you. 

Over the next few days Natasha goes out of her way to avoid you, unable to face you while carrying her broken heart. She cancels your weekly movie night over text.

N: Can’t make the movie tonight. Busy.

N: Sorry

y/n: I’ll kill Fury if he’s overworking you again!!

y/n: That’s ok though. Are you ok? 

y/n: Can I help?

The three messages come through within seconds of each other and each one makes the lump in her throat grow. Natasha spends 10 minutes staring at your response but she doesn’t reply. It’s annoying, she thinks, the way you throw her completely off track, spiralling like a crazy person. She decides that she won’t let you do it anymore. 

Determined and head held high, she heads to the kitchen to make a sandwich before her scheduled training session. 

She gets halfway through buttering the first slice of bread before hearing you making your way down the hallway. The sound of your voice makes her melt and she considers dropping this whole facade, but then Bucky’s gravely laugh sounds out alongside yours. 

Fuck. She can’t see this, her heart can’t take it. She drops her knife and it clatters on the bench top. She flinches when the clanging sound rings out loudly through the room, and she abandons her unmade sandwich. She narrowly escapes and you almost catch her exit but all that’s left of her is sandwich ingredients spread over the bench. 

Natasha walks to the gym and regrets not taking at least the bread with her. It's a longer session tonight, some of the recruits have an upcoming graduation examination for SHIELD. Natasha straightens her back as she walks in and acts like nothing is out of the ordinary. And if she’s hungry, snapping at the recruits and hypercritical of their techniques, well that’s a matter between her and her own heart. 

~~~ 

From her window, Natasha catches you and Bucky heading out arm in arm. It’s friday night and she did cancel on you, but her insides burn and she hates how quickly she's been replaced. Maybe she had hoped you would come up looking for her. She starts to imagine Bucky and her fist headed straight for his face. She could be better to you than him! Then the image shifts, Bucky is fine and then you appear and he starts to touch you, kiss you and you let him, you like it. 

The burning starts to reach her heart and despite being freshly showered she charges back to the gym. 

Strike after strike, she hits the heavy bag gloveless. The super serum running through her veins helps to send the bag swinging, the chain holding it to the ceiling screams to be let free. She hits and hits and hits until her knuckles start to bleed. It feels good for a moment, then through her panting breaths she starts to crack. With each exhale, her chest heaves and heartbroken sobs escape from her throat. She sinks to her knees and cries on the floor until all her throat is hoarse and the tears are gone. 

She washes her face in the gym bathroom and creeps back into her room, not wishing to be caught in such a state. Part of her wishes that you would find her and drag her into your room to sleep for the night. 

When she climbs into bed she’s exhausted but her mind won’t let her rest. She feels more alone than ever. She had got in the habit of imagining your voice whispering to her 'good night'. Tonight it's silent and she can no longer convince herself that you'll be there one day to say it to her for real. The tears she thought were gone are back again and she cries herself to sleep into a soaking wet pillow. 

~~~

Little did she know, on the other side of the door, you stood wondering if you would be welcome inside. Wishing she would turn to you instead of herself alone when she’s struggling. 

You continue to check her room everyday and keep an eye out in the compound, but don’t see Natasha until your mission. When you walk in she doesn't acknowledge you at all, next to her, Clint gives you a pointed look while the meeting gets started.

Agent Hill is leading the mission briefing and the whole time your eyes skip across to table to Natasha then to Hill and back to Natasha then to Clint to Natasha to Hill to Natasha. Around in circles waiting for Natasha to look back at you. 

Natasha's eyes stay fixed on the papers in front of her and occasionally drift up to listen to Hill. She looks small in her seat, shoulders hunched and her hair falls to cover her face. For a brief moment as she turns to look at Hill, she gets caught in your gaze. You start to smile at her, the question are you okay? blazing in your eyes, but she quickly looks back down at her papers, timid like a frightened animal and a light blush covering her cheeks. You don’t get to ask it. 

On the quinjet you sit next to her in your usual seat and Natasha’s heart skips a beat. Still, she refuses to look at you, her head stays facing the cockpit so you can’t see her face. Your leg knocks into hers with the turbulence and every time she tries to ignore her desire to turn around and press herself back into you. The thought of you in love with someone else keeps her spine icy and reminds her to keep her distance.

When the two of you head off as a pair, armed and on the lookout for enemy combatants, your eyes don’t leave her and you hope she can feel your gaze burning into her. If there was any doubt in your mind she was avoiding you, it's completely gone given the way she’s acting today. You want to annoy her enough that she finally tells you what you’ve done wrong. 

Almost tripping, twice, should have been a sign to actually watch where you were going. But you keep your eyes stuck stubbornly on Natasha’s back as she leads you into the camp.

You approach a high chain fence with barbed wire at the top, Natasha drops her gun and kneels down to pry apart an opening. “Would you pay attention?” She snarls, glaring up at you before she focuses back on the gate. It’s not exactly ‘mission accomplished’, but it's a start. Since she’s broken the silence between you, you try to ask her a question. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You whisper while taking a look around to satisfy your job as the lookout. 

“I haven’t -”

Three goons approach from the darkness in a vehicle, shooting out the window. 

You raise your gun to face them and don't move an inch from your stance in front of Natasha. 

Natasha yells your name, before you can take a shot she shoves you in the back and sends you sprawling on the ground. Natasha shoots the driver straight through the head, which sends the vehicle straight into a nearby tree.

When you turn around Natasha is leaning against the fence, pale faced and in pain.

You scramble from the ground and rush towards her.

“Natasha!” You can see her clutching her arm and blood is dripping through her hand and onto the dirt at her feet. You reach out to help her put pressure on it.

“Don’t touch me!”

You freeze in front of her, inches from her arm you slowly start to back yourself away. Shocked by her rejection, you try to focus on helping her another way. You call the team and hold back your tears as you talk to Tony over the comms.

She continues to refuse any help, even as you beg through tears all the way back to the base. The others watch on anxiously, giving you a sympathetic look.

~~~

Natasha spends 50 minutes getting stitched up before Cho’s new machine lets her go looking brand new. You spend that time showering, feeling guilty and getting increasingly more angry. Angry at yourself, angry at Natasha. 

When you hear familiar footsteps walk past your room, you storm out to follow them through Natasha’s door.

“What the hell, Natasha!” You speak with more fire than you knew yourself to have. “What did I do to you? Hm?”

“You got me shot, we could start there.” She says evenly, emotionless.

“No, I was standing there, in front of you. You pushed me!” 

“Of course I pushed you!” She screams at you. Then quieter, she sighs, “Of course, I pushed you.”

You’re speechless for a moment. 

“You know that I would rather get shot than let you take a bullet.” You protest tensely. 

She shrugs.

You groan loudly, frustrated. “You know I would rather take a bullet in my head than let you take one through your toe! So why are you so angry with me?” 

Natasha keeps her gaze locked on the ground between her feet. 

You sigh in defeat. “It’s my fault you got shot.” You say, your heart makes its way to your throat and chokes you. “I just wanted you to stop ignoring me.” 

You wait a moment, then two. But Natasha doesn’t move.

“I’m so sorry, Tash. So sorry” You say earnestly, then turn to leave. 

As you reach her door she speaks up, her voice is thick and it crackles in an accusatory tone. “You didn’t tell me that you liked anyone!” 

She finally makes eye contact with you and you can see tears mixing with the fire in her eyes. “I thought we were friends, but it turns out that Tony gets to hear about your life more than I do.”

“I tell you things I’ve never told anyone. Not even Clint.” She sniffles and her cheeks are glistening wet. She whips at her nose with the back of her hand, “You don’t even care.” She mutters miserably.

You pause and try to let her words register.

“I - what?” You say, confused,

Natasha straightens up. “So? Who is it then? Bucky? And you’re together now?” She insists impatiently.

Each question she shoots off just confuses you more but her red teary eyes start to hint at her problem. It gives you a small burst of confidence that you may not ruin your friendship with a confession, as you had feared. 

“Bucky's a friend and it’s not a guy, Natasha.” you say. “I thought that was obvious.”

Hope grips Natasha’s heart in a strangling hold. 

She clears her throat, “Oh.” 

“I thought the best spy in the world would have figured it out.” You say, a weak smile barely creeping through. You pause for a moment and feel your heart beating so hard your ribs shake with its beat.

Through an aching breath, you tell her simply, “It's you.”

You watch the realisation grow on Natasha’s face until it reaches her eyes and she takes a moment to look at you. 

"Me?" She whispers.

For a moment you shrink under her intense gaze, terrified you’ve lost her. But then Natasha rushes towards you and sends you stumbling backwards as she crashes into you. Instinctively you wrap your arms around her and hold her close. 

Pieces of Natasha's heart slowly slot back into place and she takes in a deep breath of your scent. The coconut shampoo she hates and the wonderful smell of your skin, god she's missed it.

Her hands grip tightly at your hips and she leans in desperately towards your lips. You take a moment to look into her eyes, red and puffy, they're so full of love you want to cry. Then gorgeous red lips capture your attention. You can’t resist any longer and you press your lips softly into hers. 

Her lips are full and soft, heavenly. She runs her tongue over your bottom lip and then she’s slipping in to taste your mouth. She whimpers into your mouth, and you soothe her by tenderly stroking her cheek.

Her kisses become harsher and her force pushes you backwards towards her bed where she presses you down into the mattress.

Red hair falls to frame her face as leans down to kiss you and strong legs climb up to frame your hips. There’s electrifying tension in the space she leaves between you. 

You feel dizzy with the suffocating need to have her skin, smooth and safe against you. Natasha laughs lightly as you roll her onto her back. Your hips remain locked between her legs and she reaches around to the small of your back to encourage you to press down into her harder. Your pelvis rocks down into her instinctively and steals your breath away.

You reach for her hands to press them above her head, dragging your lips over her jaw and down to kiss her neck. The brief shift makes you remember why you’re there.

“Wait Natasha, your arm!” You sit up and try to inspect her upper arm where you saw blood before. Nothing is there. 

“It’s all fixed.” Natasha rasps out. She lies back down and tries to pull you down by the front of your shirt. “It’s ok.” She whispers. 

“It’s not ok! You got hurt - because of me.” you exclaim. You refuse to move down to meet her, so she sits up to face you. “You could have been killed.” you can barely whisper it.

“I wasn’t. I’m fine, Y/N.” she caresses your face gently and you lean into her touch. She moves lower to run her thumb over your swollen lips. You press your forehead to hers. “I always dreamed that I would die protecting you.” She whispers quietly, like a secret.

Your heart soars painfully. “Please, promise me you won’t ever do that.” You reply. You remove her hand from your face and press it into your chest above your heart. “That would kill me.” 

You wrap your fingers around her wrist and bring her hand up to your lips. You press a heated kiss to the centre of her palm. Slowly, you make your way over her wrist, pressing delicate kisses to the skin of her inner arm. You can feel her shiver as you kiss the sensitive skin in the crease of her elbow. Then, you move up to the side of her arm where she got shot and gently press your lips to the new skin, pausing there for a moment. 

Her words continue to resonate through you and you know you’d do the same for her in a heartbeat. It rings disaster in your ears. Tear after tear falls down your cheeks and wets her skin under your mouth.

Natasha gently pulls you up into her arms. You let her manoeuvre the both of you towards the pillows and under her sheets. You lie down to face her and open your arms to gesture for her to cuddle closer. She wraps an arm securely around your waist and nuzzles her face into the crook of your neck. 

Natasha thinks about the last three nights she spent crying herself to sleep and sinks deeper into the warmth of your arms

"Good night." She whispers, soft and shy, her lips muffled against your skin.

"Good night, Tasha." You whisper back to her sweetly. The brightest inferno glows under her skin and she almost giggles.

The soft smile beaming on her face lingers even after her eyes close and she's fast asleep.

You whisper another quiet apology, your lips brushing against her hairline and you press a kiss to her forehead. You sleep restlessly, your mind running the same line in a loop, die protecting you, die protecting you, die, die die… 

[musings-of-a-rose]

I Never Stopped Loving You

I Never Stopped Loving You

Pairing: Joel Miller x OFC “Catie”

Word Count: 7700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes:  @theewokingdead is such an enabler and I love her for it! This is 100% her idea (I’ll post it at the end). I’m just doing the words!

And yes, this is my first OFC character! 

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Main Masterlist

Joel Miller Masterlist

I Never Stopped Loving You Part 2>>

September 26th, 2013

2 pink lines.

2 little pink lines that will change the entire course of my life from here on out. Not just my life, but his life too.

Joel.

It’s not like we just started dating. It’s been a couple of years, but we hadn’t really brought up the idea of adding another child alongside his Sarah. And yet, here I am, staring down in disbelief at these 2 little pink lines, memories of the night that caused this from a couple weeks ago flashing before my eyes briefly before my brain starts to spiral.

Would he be happy? Mad? Leave me? Feel obligated to marry me? How will Sarah feel?

Before I can spiral more, my phone springs to life, it’s ring loud in my tiny bathroom as it vibrates across the counter. I knew from the ring it was him, but what I didn’t expect was Joel to sound so tired and frustrated.

“Hey baby.”

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Is that contractor being a dick again?”

He chuckles, low and deep. “How’d you guess?”

“He’s been giving you shit for weeks. I don’t know how you deal with it.”

“Because I need the money. But I’m starting to think it may not be worth it to keep my mouth shut.”

He launches into a story about his day from hell, how the contractor is making everything take 10 times as long as it should. When he finishes, he takes a deep sigh before speaking again.

“You able to check on Sarah?”

“Yeah. She’s doing fine. Ordered a pizza. Sorry I couldn’t hang with her.”

“It’s alright. You feelin’ any better, sweetheart?”

I could tell him now, tell him that my secret suspicion of my nausea over the last several days has been confirmed, but I don’t want to tell him like this. Not over the phone, not when he’s exhausted and frustrated. I’ll tell him when I see him next.

“A little.”

A beep sounds and Joel pauses. “That’s Tommy. I’ll call him back later.”

“No, no. It’s ok, answer it. Just go home and get some sleep.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. See you tomorrow?”

“Definitely, sweetheart. Feel better.”

I feel guilty for not telling him right away, but the timing just isn’t right. Besides, this gives me some time to wrap my own head around it and figure out exactly how to tell him.

—----

Waiting was not a great idea.

I had fallen asleep at some point, but I was woken up by…is that screaming? Something is happening outside and it doesn’t sound good. 

Creeping up to the window, I pull the curtains back just enough to peek outside. People are moving about the street, but something isn’t right. They’re all running from Mr. Stevens, my neighbor from several houses down. He’s running after them, but it’s not normal. No…not human. He leaps forward, jumping onto the nearest person and…shit!

I run back to my nightstand and grab my phone. The first few times I try to get a call out, it’s a busy signal. Whether the lines are cut or busy is beyond me, but I have to keep trying. My fingers tremble as I use speed dial to try to get Joel. The phone slips from my hand and clatters to the floor.

“Shit!”

I bend down and pick it up, hitting the green call button and miraculously, the call goes through. My breathing speeds up, I feel like my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I’ve never needed a call to go through more than now-

“Catie?”

“Joel?”

“Thank God. Listen, somethin’ is happening. Something with the people-”

“I know. I saw the neighbor-”

“Stay away from them-.....not right-....Sarah and I-.....”

“Joel?” The line keeps breaking up, static cutting out more than half of whatever he was trying to tell me.

“....just stay put….no lights….there soon…”

“I- ok. I’ll stay here.”

“Love you, sweethea-”

The phone cuts off and the connection dies with it. I pull the phone away from my ear and look down at the screen. My phone still has battery but over the service bars is an X. Guess they either cut the service or something happened at a tower. Either way, it’s not good. 

I stay there a moment longer until more screams and glass breaking from across the street somewhere bring me harshly back to reality. I click my lamp off and head into my closet, finding the new hiking backpack I’d bought a couple weeks ago with Joel, who planned to take Sarah and I hiking soon. Be smart, Catie. It’s just like camping. What do I need realistically?

I’m no stranger to traveling, so I roll all my clothes, putting on a 3rd pair of jeans and a shirt, making sure to pack and wear thicker socks that will last longer. I also toss in a bar of soap, my waterproof matches and firestarter, some salves I had just finished making last week, and some other random items. The pack isn’t too heavy, which I’m grateful for. I grab one of Joel’s flannels and throw it on over my clothes before hoisting the backpack over one shoulder. 

Quietly, I creep downstairs, ears straining to hear anything out of place. I hear nothing - well, nothing aside from the ominous noises from outside. I’m so glad that I have curtains all around my house, never wanting people to see in, especially at night. I fill my canteen with water and grab a bunch of high protein, portable snacks, tossing them in my bag and strapping the water to the side. I make up another canteen to add to the other side to balance the weight. Plus, having extra water wasn’t a bad thing. Right?

I kept my phone on me in case Joel managed to get through again. I pull it out to see if anything had changed, but nothing. It’s been at least 20 minutes since I spoke to him, but even if he had left his home right at that moment, it would still be another 5 or so minutes before he’d get here. And I’m sure he’s running into obstacles outside. 

When it hits the hour mark, I become officially worried. 

I know he told me to stay put, but the screams outside are lessening, which can only mean one thing. I’m not waiting around for it to be my turn.

Grabbing a pen, I scribble a quick note telling Joel to meet me at the cabin, my parent’s cabin that they had given me to use with Joel and Sarah. It’s out in the middle of nowhere but it’s self sustainable and the perfect place to hideout from…whatever is happening. 

I leave the note in a conspicuous place, hoping that he’ll be able to see it. I check the knives I stored in my boot and one in a leg strap on my thigh. Initially a gag gift from my brother when I started hiking more, I learned how to use them a little, just in case. Otherwise, I have my bow-my bow!

Quickly, I head into my office closet and grab my bow and quiver of arrows, making sure I have the proper attachments for attaching them to my backpack. I pick up my keys, fingers trembling and I nearly drop them. 

Then my sliding door crashes open, glass shattering everywhere, inhuman noises coming from whatever fell through it.

I don’t even bother to look, throwing open the front door and slamming it behind me, eyes scanning the yard for any threats. Thank God I have a keyless entry, the car unlocking for me and I throw my bag and bow in as I slide in the seat of my suv, slamming the door shut behind me. I fumble with the keys, trying to jam them in the ignition when I hear my front door slam against the ground. I manage to jam the key in and the engine turns over. I backup quickly out of my driveway and peel off down the street as Mr. Stevens comes out of my house, moving towards my car but quickly giving up as I drive away. 

I make it about 10 blocks when I see her. My neighborhood friend Lucia, running for her life from…something who used to be a someone. No hesitation, I turn my suv, slamming into the something and sending it flying. Lucia turns and sees me, eyes wide with fear as she runs towards me as I beckon her to get in. She throws open the passenger door and screams at me to go before she even closes it behind her. I do, speeding off down the road and somehow managing to get out of the nieghborhood without road blocks or hitting anything else.

For now, I’m ignoring what I see and focusing on getting us out. 

Lucia says nothing, eyes scanning the road and looking behind us to make sure everything is clear. By the grace of a higher power, we manage to make it to the back highway that will eventually bring us to my parent’s cabin. Or my cabin now, I guess. 

“Luce, are you ok?”

Lucia is breathing heavy but she nods, turning her head towards me as she starts to relax slightly. “Thank you for stopping. I..I wouldn’t have made it otherwise.”

“I’m just glad I could help.”

A few moments of silence pass between us before I speak again.

“Are you hurt or..or bit? I don’t..I don’t know what-”

“No. I don’t know how but no.”

“What are they?”

Lucia takes a shaking breath and I can hear her trying to hold back tears. “I..I don’t know. They aren’t…they were people but now?”

“Yeah that’s pretty much all I saw too…oh is there anywhere I need to go or drive by for you?”

She looks away from me quickly. “I uh…no.”

“Where’s your brother?”

She was quiet for a moment. “He left on his business trip a day ago.”

Right. Japan or something.

I reach over and squeeze her hand, feeling us both shaking. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

More silence.

“What about Joel? And Sarah?”

“I uh…I was waiting for them but… I left a note telling them where to meet me.”

“Oh. I’m sure they’re fine.”

We drive for a little bit longer, Lucia messing with the radio to try and find anything that was playing. It was all just static. I take the exit I need and clear my throat.

“I’m pregnant.”

Lucia’s head snaps towards me. “You’re what?”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Great timing, huh?”

“Does Joel know?”

A sob jumps out of my throat, one I didn’t know I had. “No. I..he had a hard day at work and I figured I’d tell him tomorrow…”

“Oh, Cat. It’s ok. He…he’ll find you for sure. I know it. Buuut…until then, you have me! Wait, did you pick me up just because I’m a midwife?” I can hear the smile in her words, but she’s still not 100% certain.

“I picked you up because you needed help. And you didn’t look injured.” She laughs at my admission. 

“I love your honesty, Cat.”

We chat about the pregnancy the entire way, only quieting when we reach the long, hidden drive to my cabin. We do a quick perimeter check, inside and out. Nothing and no one. The closest neighbors we have are literally miles away. We have more chances of seeing a bear than another person. 

Lucia helps me unload the few things I have in the car and heads inside. We take a quick stock of all pantry items and I’m thankful that Sarah and I did so much canning the last time we were here. She had gotten slightly obsessed with the idea and was looking forward to eating it when they were ready. Water wouldn’t be an issue either as we have our own private well, no need for electricity. Which is good because that doesn’t work without the generator and we are not turning that on. It’s too noisy and would attract trouble.

Lucia and I have a low key dinner of beef sticks and some dried vegetables, chatting with each other to try and lighten the dark cloud that has crept over the world. She heads off to one of the bedrooms and I head off to mine, the one I share with Joel. Once I’m finally able to collapse in the bed, I allow myself a moment to cry, worrying about Joel and Sarah and the baby that’s currently growing inside of me. I still have hope they’ll make their way here. I have to or I’ll crumble into bits and float away on the wind.

—----

20 years later…

Lucia and I stayed in the cabin for nearly 10 years. She helped me safely bring my daughter Penelope, or “Poppy”, earthside. We raised her in the cabin, teaching her everything she needed to know about survival and life, despite her young age. This is how life is now. She’s still allowed to have kid time of course, which is why there are murals painted on nearly every corner of the cabin. 

About 10 years in, Lucia, who had never given up on finding someone or a transmission on either the radio or the ham radio, finally found one talking about a settlement in Jackson, Wyoming. It would take us nearly a month to get there, let alone the danger we’d be in. The suv would never make it, having given out years ago, but luckily we had managed to make a small farm for us and that included a few horses and a couple that could pull a wagon or 2. After gathering up all the information we could on Jackson, we determined it must be a real place and put it to a vote with all of us. After the winter snows melted, we left for Jackson, packing up our entire lives, or what we could anyway, and plotting out the safest route possible. It would take us about a month, especially with the detours we were taking, but they were necessary to avoid the areas that would most likely have bandits. Or worse.

The last thing I did before I closed the door was to write a letter to Joel and Sarah, telling them where we were going. Even 10 years later, I had not given up on them.

—----

A month later, we arrived in Jackson, a few more scrapes and bruises to our name, but luckily, we hadn’t run into too much trouble.

Lucia got work right away, considering her background as an official midwife. I was hired to help with the gardening because of my immensely green thumb and knowledge of herbs, and Poppy was allowed to help with the livestock we brought, after school was done for the day. Poppy was beside herself with the idea of going to actual school, even though she knew most of what they were teaching anyway. 

We all settled nicely, Lucia falling in love with a nice man on the other side of town, eventually moving in with him and starting a family of their own. Poppy made a ton of friends, finally allowed the freedom to be a kid for more than a couple of hours. 

As for me? 

I never really dated anyone, my heart given to Joel a long time ago. I know the likelihood of seeing him again is extremely slim, but I still have a tiny sliver of hope that he’s around. And maybe he’s heard about Jackson and will head this way. Which didn’t impact my decision to come here. Nope. Not at all. 

But the biggest surprise that Jackson held for us was Tommy, Joel’s brother. He was married to Maria, the woman who started this community with her father, and lived on the farm where they kept the horses. Poppy and he got along right away, her begging for more stories about her dad and he would pretend to be annoyed but would give in every single time. She continued this ritual as she grew, eventually bringing her boyfriends with her, searching for Tommy’s approval, just like a father.

One beautiful fall day, I’m walking through the market, trading for new produce and supplies when I hear some people gossiping over lemonade at the small eatery in town. I tend to ignore gossip, never having been one for it, until the phrase “Tommy Miller’s brother” reaches my ear. I freeze, listening intently on their words, but I’m only able to make out that he was here in town. 

Joel was here. In Jackson.  Joel. 

I turn, marching towards the small group of people that were doing the gossiping when I heart the alert - bandits were attempting to attack the dam. Growling out in frustration, I turn to run towards that side of town, slinging the rifle from around my back once I assumed my nearly hidden position on the wall. We make quick work of the bandits, especially since we are heavily fortified and secured. That doesn’t stop them from trying, though. 

Once the attack is over, I search the throngs of people for Tommy, just spotting him getting on his horse and heading home. Cursing, I turn, heading towards Tommy’s house on foot, my mind now completely on Joel since the bandit attack was over. Was he still in town? Does he know I’m here? Does he know he has a daughter?

I arrive at the farm and immediately head for the barn, knowing Tommy would still be tending to his horse. Sure enough, he had just finished putting her away, locking the gate behind him.

“Tommy!”

He sighs and doesn’t look at me right away. Which tells me he knows exactly why I’m here.

“Hey, Catie.”

“Is he here?” I’m standing just a couple feet from him, arms crossed and my foot tapping slightly with nerves.

“Who?”

“Fuck you, Tommy. You know who.”

“I-”

“Tell me the truth.”

He meets my gaze for a moment before nodding. “He was.”

He was here. Joel was here, in Jackson, alive and I didn’t- wait. Did he say was?

I swallow hard, willing my tears to just wait until I’m by myself. “Is he ok?”

“Yeah. Well, I mean as much ok as we all are.”

I let out a breath of relief. He was ok. Probably a little worse for wear but he was ok.

“Did…did you tell him I’m here?”

Tommy studies me for several moments, his dark eyes bouncing between mine, as if he’s debating with himself. “I…did.”

He knows I’m here. Joel knows I’m here, alive and well and he just-

Oh. 

Of course. It’s been nearly 20 years and it would be ridiculous to think the man still loved me after all this time. He didn’t even know I was still alive. He’d never even met his daughter. If he no longer cared about me, fine. But why wouldn’t he want to meet his daughter? Unless…

“Did you tell him about Poppy?”

Tommy’s entire stance is apologetic and I know his reply before his lips even part. “No.”

“What the fuck, Tommy?”

He puts his hands up in a calming manner. “It shouldn’t come from me.”

“Fuck you, Tommy! He doesn’t even know he has another daughter. He deserves to know-”

“You’re right, he does. But not from me-”

“I can’t fucking believe this. It’s been 20 years, Tommy. 20 years and he didn’t even stop to say hi? Maybe if you’d have told him about Poppy, he’d at least stayed long enough to see her.”

I poke him in the chest as hard as I can. “It’s your fault he left!”

Tommy grabs my wrist and pulls me closer, his voice lowering to just above a whisper. “He had other things to take care of.”

“What could be more important than family?”

“All of humanity.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“He had a girl with him. Maybe…14? 15?”

My heart sinks. Did he have another daughter after the clickers came? As if he could read my mind, Tommy shakes his head.

“Not his. Her name is Ellie and she’s….special.”

“That’s disgusting, Tommy.”

He gives me a look. “She was bit.”

“Bit? And you let her into Jackson?”

“And she hadn’t turned.”

I could feel my eyes grow wide. Bit? Without turning? That’s impossible.

“How do you -”

“Saw the bite myself. I’ve seen enough of ‘em to know what they look like. It’s legit.”

“Fuck,” I whisper. This is huge. Definitely bigger than me.

“Yeah… anyway, he was takin’ Ellie to the Fireflies because they can supposedly make a cure out of her blood. Or that’s the hope anyway.”

“A cure?”

“Yup. This whole mess could be put behind us.”

This…this is life changing. World changing. My 20 year long devotion to a man I was deeply in love with paled in comparison to a cure for the clickers. Tommy told me Joel still had a long way to go, but if anyone could make it, he could. 

“ ‘m sorry, Cat. I wish he could’ve stayed to say hi.”

“Did…did he say anything about me?” I hate how needy I sound.

“Honestly, we didn’t really talk about you other than me mentioning you were here. The focus was Ellie.”

I nod. The focus was on the right thing.

“Do you think he’ll come back?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I doubt it. It’s a long trek and pretty dangerous. He’d be smart to just stay put, especially to take care of Ellie.”

I left the barn and headed straight home. Poppy was out with her boyfriend so I had the whole place to myself. Which gave me plenty of alone time to cry and, for the first time in 20 years, try to move on from the dream I had about starting a little family with a man I never stopped loving.

—----

Spring in Jackson is always beautiful. The colors come alive, blooming from every surface they can for miles in greeting the season change. It’s also the perfect time to start planting certain crops so they’ll be ready when it comes harvest season. 

I’ve finished planting in the community garden, dirt crusted under my fingernails despite my scrubbing at the garden sink. I’ll be able to use a brush at home, but for now, I smile at the grime on my clothes. It means Jackson will have food and enough to last through winter. 

Taking off my apron, I toss it into the laundry basket to be cleaned and head towards the home I share with Poppy. She doesn’t spend as much time there these days, but I can hardly blame her. She is 20 and in a pretty serious relationship. I would not be surprised if the boy popped the question any day now. 

I turn onto Main Street and Mrs. NoseyPants stops me. I know it’s not her real name but it fits her better.

“Catie! How are the crops going? Jackson going to survive?”

“Mmhhmm. We should be great.” I try to step around her, but she blocks my path.

“How’s that daughter of yours? Still getting on with the Miller boy?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I hope he makes an honest woman of her before something happens.”

“Something happens?”

She looks around, as if she expects anyone to actually give a fuck about what we’re saying. “Yes. Like an out of wedlock child.”

I plaster on a fake smile. “Oh yeah. That would be terrible, wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t like your tone, Catie.”

I open my mouth to offer some sarcastic retort about not really giving a rat’s ass what she thought of my tone, but my gaze moves over her shoulder and the crowd parts just enough for me to see him.

Joel. 

Unmistakably him, despite what the last 20 years has put on his shoulders. His back is to me, but his head is turned to the side, looking at all of the houses and buildings that line Main Street. Fuck he’s still handsome.

“Are you listening to me, Catie?”

I blink but don’t take my eyes off Joel, afraid he’d disappear if I did. “Full offense Mrs. Bennett, but I don’t have time to listen to your outdated and hateful words. Have a nice day.”

I know her jaw has dropped as I scoot around her, and I know I’ll probably pay for that later, but I couldn’t care less. My eyes are fixed on him as he walks slowly, eyes still moving from house to to house, taking it all in. I’m only several feet away before someone literally walks into him, dropping the giant stack of boxes they had been carrying.

“I am so sorry sir!”

The young man stoops to try and gather up the boxes and Joel turns to face him, bending to help him gather them up and reassemble them in his arms. “Don’t worry about it.”

The boy nods and takes off. Joel’s eyes follow him, making sure he doesn’t drop them again when his gaze meets mine. Those dark eyes move right into recognition and shock, blowing wide as it finally sets in who he’s looking at. 

I hesitate only a moment before I move towards him, nearly running and shoving a few people out of my way. And suddenly, I’m standing in front of him, all 5’11 and broad shouldered, just as he had been 20 years ago. More lines adorn his face, and several scars, his hair is speckled and streaked with greys, but somehow it makes him all the more attractive. My breath catches in my throat and I find myself speechless in front of the man I would’ve given anything to speak to for 20 years.

“Catie?” He chokes out my name, eyes scanning mine as if he was waiting for me to say he was mistaken. That I wasn’t who he thought I was.

A quick sob escapes me as I nod frantically. “It’s me.”

His hand, large and warm just as it always has been, comes up to cup my face, his thumb tracing my cheek, as if touching me was proving to him that I was real. And then he pulls me into his chest, hugging on to me tight, like I would disappear from his grip if he didn’t. I hug him back, crying into his broad chest, unable to believe that I was finally, finally, holding onto him. 

He pushes me back slightly, only to look at my face. “You’re…you’re alive.”

I chuckle through my tears. “And so are you. I thought Tommy told you I was here?”

He nods, his dark eyes still on my face. “I thought he was makin’ shit up to try and keep me here.”

“Well that does sound like Tommy.”

Joel chuckles deeply and it sends a jolt through my body. God how I missed that sound. 

“He told me you lived down this way.”

I cock my head to the side. “Were..were you looking for me?”

Pink blooms across his cheeks as if he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I had to see if he was full of shit.”

“Fair point.”

We stand there, in the middle of the street just staring at each other for several minutes before I blink back to reality.

“Are you hungry? I was heading home to make something to eat and shower. I…if you want to join me?”

His eyes darken briefly and I realize too late what I said. 

“I’d love to. But…”

He’s struggling with words.

“..but… what?”

He clears his throat, looking away from me for the first time. “Wouldn’t your uh…husband or boy friend or whatever be upset?”

Smiling up at him, I shake my head. “I don’t have either of those.”

His shoulder seem to slacken in relief. “Oh. ‘m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

The corners of his mouth tick upwards in a small grin and I feel like my insides are melting through my skin. How can this man still get me going after 20 years?

“Lead the way.”

I gesture down the street in the direction we’d have to go to get to my place. We don’t say much, Joel still taking in Jackson but always having one eye on me. I know we’re about to have a difficult conversation. How will he feel about Poppy? About how our life turned out? Or his? Tommy had told me about Sarah when I first came to Jackson. The hardness behind his eyes shows that he’s still dealing with the grief and I imagine he always will. It’s no easy thing to lose a child. 

We arrive at my house and I unlock the door, heading inside and flipping on a light.

“You have power?” He asks.

“Mmhmm. Tommy was able to hook up a generator of sorts to the power grid. It’s heavily guarded and taken care of so no one has messed with it. He’s been talking about trying to use water or wind energy, but we need someone who knows that.”

I kick off my boots and Joel copies me, setting his down next to mine. 

“Poppy? You home?” I call out, not wanting her to walk in the middle of whatever was about to take place. When I receive no reply after a few calls of her name, I shrug my shoulders in a ‘guess she’s not home’ way.

“Who’s Poppy?”

“You thirsty?” I head towards the kitchen and Joel follows, watching as I take out a pitcher of lemonade. “I also have beer. It’s…not the greatest but it’s something.”

“You make the best lemonade. I’ve been dreaming of it for years.”

I smile, turning to grab 2 glasses and putting some ice in each of them before adding the lemonade. I hand Joel his glass and his fingers briefly brush against mine. They’re rougher than before but not by much, and the jolt this light touch sends through is just as strong as it was 20 years ago.

I head back to the living area and sit on the couch, taking a sip while I motion for him to sit as well. He does, taking his own sip and I catch a nearly imperceivable moan at the back of his throat when he tastes the lemonade. I quickly shove my legs together, hoping he doesn’t notice. I try to cover by setting my glass on the coffee table and he copies me, wiping his hand on his jeans as he settles back, his body slightly shifted towards mine. 

“Is Poppy your uh…girlfriend?”

I laugh this time, not at the idea of me having a girlfriend but at the look on his face while saying it. “No. No she’s-” time to tell him what you should have all those years ago “- my daughter.”

Joel nods, his eyes looking down at his hands and his shoulder slump slightly as if sad. “You- you said you didn’t have anyone.”

“I don’t.”

A knowing look passes over his eyes. “Oh. ‘m sorry for your loss.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “My loss? No, Joel. Poppy is 20.”

“20…what?”

“20 years old.”

It’s his turn to look confused, as if math was passing over his vision. “She’s…20?”

“Yes.”

“So…that…that would mean when…you…” He shifts nervously in his spot on the couch, another swipe of his palms across his jean clad legs.

“Is…is she…”

“Do you remember that night? You had called me, telling me about that pain in the ass contractor you had to work with?”

Joel nods, his eyes glazed over in memory. “Yeah. I called to check on you because you couldn’t stop throwing…up…” His eyes snap to mine, and to my surprise, they were full of hope.

“I told myself it wasn’t the right time to tell you. But how the fuck would I have known that the world would end?” I chuckle nervously, fumbling as I reach got my glass to try and cover my nerves.

He lets out a puff of air. “So I have a daughter?”

My face feels warm under his intense gaze. “Yes.”

He lets out a half sob half laugh of joy, tears welling in his eyes before he tries to wipe them away with the back of his hand. “All these years I had a kid and I didn’t know. I didn’t know, Catie. I-” Another half sob half laugh escapes him and he takes a moment to compose himself, his body not used to such displays of emotion. Not anymore.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that night?”

Why didn’t I? “You sounded so stressed and worried and I didn’t want to add onto that. I was going to tell you the next time I saw you but…” but indeed. 

“How long had you known?”

“That day. I had suspected for a couple of days but I had to wait until I was sure I had missed my period to test and I didn’t want to tell you and be wrong.”

“You should’ve told me, sweetheart. We could’ve done the test together.”

I chuckle darkly. “Yeah I probably should’ve done that.”

“Tommy never told me.”

“What?”

“When I was here before. He told me you were here but not that I…that I have…why the fuck wouldn’t he tell me?” Joel pushes himself up from the couch in anger, pacing back and forth across the hardwood floor. “He should’ve told me!”

“Joel, he did what he thought was right.”

He looks at me, anger flashing in his eyes. “He had no right to keep that from me. If I had known, I would’ve-”

“Not brought Ellie to the Fireflies for a chance to save humanity?”

He stops pacing, turning towards me with shock on his face. “He told you about Ellie?”

I nod, sighing. “He did.”

“And he didn’t tell me I had-have a fucking daughter? And that she was here?”

“In all fairness to Tommy, he only told me after I got pissed he didn’t mention her to you.”

Joel scoffs. “What an asshole.”

“I…I thought maybe if you knew, you would’ve…maybe you would’ve at least stayed to meet her.”

Anger leaves his body and he sits next to me on the couch, hesitantly placing his hand on my thigh. “I definitely would’ve. When he told me you were here…I was intent on seeing you. Or seeing if he was pulling shit out of his ass. But he reminded me how important my cause was and since it was time sensitive, I couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t at least have simply said hi?”

“Sweetheart, there is no ‘simply’ between us. If I’d have seen you, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

Tears fall from my eyes and I wipe at them furiously. “Did it work out at least?”

“Did what work out?”

“Ellie. And the Fireflies.”

Joel grows quiet for several moments. “Turns out they didn’t need her after all. Found others and couldn’t use the blood.”

He’s lying. I know he’s lying but now’s not the time to press him for more information.

“She come here with you?”

Joel nods. “I wasn’t just gonna leave her there.”

“No, no. I think that’s great. There’s a good community here. I’m sure she’ll fit right in.”

“She was already makin’ friends the moment we walked in the gate.”

A long pause passes between us, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s a processing silence, both of us trying to categorize and file the information we both learned from the other. When I look at him, I can tell he’s far off, thinking and brooding on things, which isn’t always a good thing.

“I wish you’d have told me that night.”

Ah.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“It would’ve changed everything! I would’ve grabbed Sarah and headed straight over to your place, bringing you…I don’t know, ginger ale and crackers? Whatever you wanted. We’d have stayed with you, started our family. Sarah so wanted a sibling. Especially a sister. Shit, she’d be so happy right now if she were….”

His voice tapers off but I know what he was going to say.

If she were alive.

I place my hand on his and squeeze it. “Tommy told me. I know nothing I say can make up for it, but I am so sorry Joel. I miss her terribly. I can’t imagine how it is for you.”

His mouth sets in a line, his jaw clenching, hand squeezing a little tighter on my thigh as if he’s trying to prevent himself from losing it. 

“Maybe if I had known you were pregnant, and we came over, she’d still be alive.”

“Oh, Joel, no. You can’t think like that-”

“I failed her.”

He spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. The guilt in his words, however, was loud enough to hear from space. I bring my other hand to the side of his face, cupping his cheek, his patchy greyish stubble poking at my fingers, and gently turn his face upwards to mine. 

“You are a great man, Joel. And a hell of a father. There is no way that Sarah would ever think that you failed her in any way. She loved you so much and idolized you.”

The tears come this time, unable to hold them back any longer. I pull him to me and hug him, cradling the back of his head as he cries into my shoulder, mourning the loss of his daughter anew as he attempts to put aside the intense load of guilt he’s carried around for the last 2 decades. We stay like this for a while, my own tears mixing with his, as the light from the setting sun streaks through the curtains. 

Eventually, Joel pulls back, wiping at his face with the back of his hand before he finally looks at me, his beautiful eyes puffy from tears. I’m sure mine don’t look any better.

“Sorry about that.”

“Sorry for what? Being human?”

He smiles and the room lights up with it. “You were always so good at that.”

“At what?”

“Letting me feel things. And makin’ me feel like I wasn’t a complete fuck up.”

“That’s because you aren’t.”

He scoffs, smirking at me in disbelief. “I’ve had to do some shady shit to survive, sweetheart.”

“Who hasn’t?”

“You got me there. I’m still a fuck up though. Don’t know how you didn’t see it.”

“Hhmm…” I put my finger to my chin in mock thinking. “It’s probably because I’m in love with you then.”

Joel cocks his head slightly to the side, questioning my statement. I’m not sure why, as my love for him is no secret to me. 

“In love? Not was in love?”

Oh.

“I-”

The front door opens and Poppy walks in. I nearly jump out of my skin, having been completely absorbed in our conversation. Or was it more of a confession?

“Hey Mom! I’m only home to grab some clothes. Then I’m heading to Lyra’s. There’s this new girl in town, Ellie? She’s only 15 but she’s pretty cool. Oh.” Poppy had walked into the living room, her eyes, exactly like her father’s, shifting from me to Joel. I stand and Joel copies me, staying put while I walk around the couch towards Poppy.

“Mom..I didn’t know you had company. You never have company.” She thinks she’s speaking quietly but it’s not quiet enough. 

“Poppy-”

“I mean, I think it’s great, but….but…” Her eyes fully take in Joel, landing on his face as she stares, her eyes slowly widening in realization. She had only seen him in the photos I was able to share with her, a few printed ones and then some on the cell phone I had refused to toss away, carting it across the country along with a charger in hopes of finding power to charge it. 

“Dad?” Poppy whispers in disbelief.

Joel looks nervous, his weight shifting from foot to foot. This man has faced countless clickers, bandits, and worse, but meeting his 20 year old daughter is the thing that does him in?

God I love this man.

His hand comes up and does a little wave as he stares back at her, clearing his throat. “Hi. I’m uh… I’m Joel.”

“Dad!” Poppy drops her bag and runs, launching herself over the couch and straight into his arms, wrapping herself around him as she cries. It takes Joel a moment to recover from the intense reaction, but he wraps his arms around her and holds her, hugging her just as tight. Tears obstruct my vision and I blink quickly, trying to wipe them away so I don’t miss a moment of this meeting. 

Her feet back on the floor, Poppy pulls back, her eyes raking over Joel’s face. “Was I too much?”

Joel laughs, smiling down at his daughter. “Not enough.”

She laughs and he brings his hand to her face, wiping away her tears. “I’m sorry, Poppy.”

“For what?”

“I didn’t…I didn’t know-”

She waves her hand. “Mom told me everything. You never knew I existed and then the world went to shit. It’s ok. You’re here now and that’s what matters! Wait - you are staying right?”

Joel’s eyes shift from Poppy’s to mine and I look back at him waiting for an answer myself. I want him to stay, desperately need him to stay, but I understand if he wants to leave. I never asked if he had someone waiting for him somewhere.

“I don’t wanna step on you or your mom’s toes-”

Poppy blows a raspberry. “Step away! I know mom is thrilled you’re here. And I want to get to know my dad….dad… I can finally say that! ‘Hey, this is my dad!’ ‘Have you met my dad?’ I just…I can’t believe you’re here and not….not here.”

Clever way of saying dead.

“Me too, Poppy.”

“Mom, I know I said I would meet my friends, but-” she glances back at me and then smiles, giving me a knowing wink “-but I..will be going…to meet up with…Benny. Yeah, he’s uh probably waiting. For me. So I’ll just…grab my things and leave you two…alone…”

She is so not slick, but I love her so much. 

She gives me another wink before fully turning to Joel. “We can hangout and talk more?”

“I look forward to it.”

She squeals and gives him one more hug before bounding across the hall to her room and reemerging only a handful of minutes later with a backpack. 

“Poppy?”

“Mom?”

“Stay for dinner at least. Then you can meet up with your friends.”

“Ugh, mom. You’re smothering me.” She has a smile while she says it, casually tossing her bag down before sitting next to Joel. 

I make dinner while they talk, Poppy telling him about her life and asking him a zillion questions about his. He seems to be able to talk about Sarah now, at least a little before Poppy tactfully changes the topic. They talk throughout dinner, laughing and joking, sounds I never thought I’d hear together. Eventually, Poppy leaves to hang out with her friends, excited to tell them about her dad. As soon as the door closes, Joel turns to me.

“Who’s Benny?”

Protective dad mode activated I see. Smiling, I tell him about Benny and how he’s a good guy and about he and Poppy. He seems more relaxed after but still in protective dad mode.

“I’ll have to meet him.”

“I’m sure you won’t have the choice not to.”

Dishes cleaned up, I offer Joel a glass of whiskey and he takes it, tasting a sip before setting it down on the coffee table as he relaxes back into the couch again.

“You and Ellie have a place to stay?”

“Yeah. Tommy and Maria gave us a house. Actually, it’s not too far from here I don’t think.”

“That’s great. I’m sure Ellie will be happy to have a more permanent place to live.”

“And her own room that she can slam the door to.”

We chat for a few minutes about parenting teenage daughters and the challenges it can bring. He takes another sip of his whiskey after telling me a bit about Ellie, or what he learned about her on their long trek anyway. It’s quiet between us again, but this time, I’m warmed by the whiskey and given a slight bit of confidence.

“In love.”

“What?” Joel asks, setting his glass down.

“From before. In love. Not was.”

He turns to me fully, his eyes raking across my face trying to detect a lie and finding none. 

“It’s been 20 years, sweetheart. I don’t expect anythin’-”

“It’s always been you, Joel.”

His large hand cups the back of my head and pulls me to him, his lips crashing against mine and it’s like no time has passed, my lips immediately parting for him like they were created for just this purpose. His other hand comes up to cradle the other side of my head as my fingers cling to his shirt, trying to find purchase on literally anything. I feel like I’m falling but in the most glorious way possible. While I never gave up hope that he was alive, having him here, now, 20 years later, how we both defied odds to just end up in the same community, after the world had been torn apart…

He pulls back, his nose brushing against mine. “I never stopped loving you either, sweetheart.”

My hands slide up his chest and around his neck, gripping the curls at the back of his neck and feeling him groan as he slips his tongue in my mouth again, kissing me harder than before. I feel his fingers gently brush against the exposed skin at my hips, his hands having settled there and I can’t help the moan that escapes me. Joel’s touch has always sent electricity through me, but not having had it for 20 years is a whole new level. 

“I don’t mean to be presumptuous, sweetheart, but-”

“My bedroom is down the hall, second door on the right.”

He smiles against my lips, chuckling darkly. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

—----

>>I Never Stopped Living You Part 2>>

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

Original Idea from @theewokingdead:

"I have had this idea for a long-lost love refound fic with Joel Miller swimming around in my head for a while, but I don't think I'll ever get in the headspace to write it. So enjoy what I wish I could write and hope someone will steal. Warning: mention of pregnancy in the beginning.

Imagine it's September 26, 2013. You've been dating Joel for a while and, oops, you're pregnant. You're a flurry of emotions and have no idea how or when you're going to tell him. He calls you late that night, on his way home from a hellish day at the jobsite, telling you about the prick of a contractor he's been dealing with and can't risk losing his job. When he asks if you've checked in on Sarah you tell him that she's fine and you're sorry you were feeling too ill to stay with her today. When he inquires further about your illness, you opt not to say anything, not like this, not when he's had a shit day, and instead feign that everything is okay and you'll be fine. The call is interrupted by Tommy, and you insist Joel answer his call. He offers to call you back, but you tell him to go home and get some rest, that you'll hopefully see him tomorrow.

Of course, several hours later, all hell breaks loose. You manage to get a call through to Joel, telling you to stay put, that he'll come for you, then you lose connection. Joel never finds you, but you never lose hope.

Two decades later, you're living in Jackson, having crossed paths with Tommy a year earlier when he returned to Texas, where you never strayed far from. You overhear the talk - that Tommy Miller's brother is in town - but bandits attack before you can find the source of the rumor. Later, you find Tommy as he puts a horse away in the stable, and you question if it's true, that Joel is here, and he reluctantly tells you he was. You ask if he told Joel that you're here and he says that he did. Your heart sinks - of course he wouldn't still love you after all these years, but why wouldn't he at least want to see you before he left? You ask if he told Joel about your daughter - his daughter - and Tommy says no, that it shouldn't come from his mouth. You're furious, thinking maybe Joel would've stayed in town if he had known that he has a daughter. You let Tommy have it, and eventually he tells you why Joel was in town and why he left, about Ellie and the hope to find a cure. Finally, you come to your senses, realizing there are far more important matters, and try to move on from dreaming about having a little family with a man you never stopped loving.

Months later, you're walking around town when you run into Joel. There are a million different ways the reunion could go. How would you tell him about your shared daughter? How would he feel? Would he be pissed at Tommy for knowing and not telling him when he first came to Jackson? Would he be angry you didn't tell him that night when he called, before the Outbreak? Would he have done anything differently that night had he known - things that could've changed the trajectory of his entire life? Would he wonder if it would have kept you guys together as a family? Would he wonder if it would have even kept Sarah from suffering the fate she suffered? Would he blame you for it? I just imagine it would be one big emotional reunion. How would it end? I don't know. I just love a good re-found love fic - be it happy or sad. I love angst. I love an emotional Joel. It could be fun. But I'll never get around to writing it so let's just pretend I did 😭"

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