#ok its really funny to look at my pieces and stories and realize that the more i learn about korean history the more mixed up i make

[chatonyant]

1-3 random character designs based on a dream i had where there was a kid who could fall into a void and met a kind older gentleman who taught them to harness the void's power and protect themself against their shitty family (? details blurry it was either family or a weird old man? )

4 made character in some weird distant lout of trash family au,, tis a dragon who is either sleeping or causing chaos or even both somehow

5-6 revamped doodles of an old story in which the main character, Horang, is the lone survivor of an old heroic adventure to kill the great demon. Or well, thought to be the lone survivor because they find their childhood friend and companion (Haneul) who they thought was dead. Also they adopted a tiny child (Bom) with the power of poison(? undeveloped, i have no clue what power she should have but it was seen as bad).

[too-many-tildes]

Too Many Tildes' Amazing Isekai Adventure, Chapter 1

(I'm going to regret this.)

My name is Too Many Tildes. I have dark, navy blue plating with white eyes and light blue tildes underneath them (hence my name~) My gamer headset is shaped like cat ears and I wear a fluffy pink feather boa with a very fashionable cyan tank top and night-sky themed pants. My nail extensions are painted red just like my :3 face and my feet are shaped like high heels. This is the start of my story.

It was a cycle like any other. I was admiring my collection of Catboy Pebbles images (A.N. if u dont know who that is get da rubicon outta here!!!!) Suddenly my homosexual overseer alerted me to something funny happening outside. I looked through the feed and saw... A METEOR!!!?????? And it was SHAPED LIKE A TRAIN?!?!??!!? And it was headed STRAIT FOR MY CAN!!!!!1!1!1!111!!1!11! I gasped right before the train struck me, exploding me into one billion pieces!!!11!! The world was going dark around me as my chamber shattered and I fell down. The last thing I remember seeing was flames surrounding my structure and the bright, beautiful sky.

~ ~ ~

"Hey! Listen!"

I groaned and opened my eyes. Omg!!!! I'm alive?!!?!?? I glanced next to me and saw... my overseer????

"Get up, catboi," it said, turning all different colors of the rainbow. I decided to just lay there instead until its feelers tickled my face.

"Hey~ Stop that~" I said, shooing the overseer away with my hand, but it just teleported to the other side of me.

"You can't sleep on the dirt in the middle of the forest," it said firmly. Forest? I sat up and looked around. Sure enough, I was surrounded by trees!!! But I also noticed... MY CLOTHES WERE GONE!!!!!1!!!!1111! I wasnt naked tho, just wearing horrible peasant clothes. BUT I DIDN'T HAVE P[ATNS!! All I had on wad a plain white cloak. 

"Where da rubicon am I, oveseer~?" I asked. The overseer rolled its eye at me.

"Rude. I'm Ounce the Overseer. We're in the Iakesi forest," it explained. Iakesi forest? Id literally never heard of such a place. Though the name kinda sounded familiar...

My thoughts were interrupted by the rustling of the bishes. I stood up quicjkly, which was weird considering Id never stood on my legs before. It came so naturally to me for some reason. Three orange lizards emerged from the bushes, grinning at me. I hadnt realized until now how big they actually were.

"Oh shit, yellow lizards!" Ounce shouted and darted onto my shoulder. I thought they were ornage but whetever. They were wiggling their antennae s they approached me, and openned their mouths. Lizards weren't supposed to be this active, were they?

"Tildes you have to run the other way NOW!!!!!" Ounce yelled in my ear. I didn't know what tghe lizards would do to me but I wasn't going to stick around to find out. I turned tail and ran in the other direction. The leaves crunched underfoot and the trees blurred past me as I ran.

"This is just like that hit game PSMD!" Ounce said as I sprinted. I didn't know what the heck it was talkin about.

Suddenly I tripped and went tumbling down a slope I didn't even see. The foliage scraped against me as I flailed around. Then I collided with something metal with a loud BONK followed by an "oof!"

I locked up from my faceplant and saw purple?!??

"Ouch..." said the purple. I scrambled away and saw the purple was ANOTHER ITERATOR!!1!!!!111! I must have crashed into him and knocked him to the ground.

"Omigosh~! I'm sorry~!!! R u ok~???" I said quickly. The other iterator sat up and looked at me. He had funny asymetrical antennae and soft pastel eyes so beautiful I could get lost in them~

"I'm alright, I think..." He brushed some leaves off his rumpled dress. It was a really cute dress, tan with red rose patterning all over it and frills at the end of the sleeves. He was wearing an apron over it, with a cute little bow tied at the back.

"Stop staring," Ounce hissed in my ear. But where else would I look?

"What about you?" He asked. "You crashed right into me. Are you alright?" His voice sounded so soft and concerned.

"Um~! Ya~!! Just fell off a cliff running away from lizards haha~" I stuttered. The iterator gasped.

"Oh! Are you sure you aren't injured or anything?" He stood up and helped me stand as well. I blushed when he took my hand.

"I'm fine~ Just as fine as you~" I said smoothly, winking. One of Ounce's feelers slapped its eyeball. He seemed to freeze for a moment, eyes wide as he stared at me. No doubt flustered by my charming pick-up line.

"O-kay..." he said slowly, letting go of my hand quickly. He bent down and I noticed a woven basket tipped over on the ground. He must have dropped it when I crashed into him. Scattered all around it are... SHROOMS????? Omgosh, had I just bumped into a DRUG DEALER?!?1/!?!?

"Why do u have shrooms~!?" I blurted out. He flinched at my words, but looked up at me with confusion.

"W-what? Oh, I was gathering wild mushrooms. They grow around this time of year," he said, gingerly picking one up and placing it in the basket.

"They aren't drugs, Tildes, they're just mushrooms," Ounce whisper-yelled in my ear. I batted it away from my shoulder because it was being seriously annoying rn.

"Oh no~! I'm sorry I caused u to spill them~ Do u need help~?" I crouched down to help pick up the mushrooms but he quickly shook his head.

"No no, it's fine! It's okay!" He said. "It was an accident. I can get these by myself." Okay, well now I'm left feeling kinda awkward. I tried to think of something to break the tension as he placed the last of the mushrooms back in his basket.

"Hey~ I never got ur name~ I'm Too Many Tildes~" I said. He looked at me a little funny, but I couldn't figure out what he was feeling.

"I'm Nothing Well-Made," he said. "It's... nice to meet you... Too Many Tildes."

"U can just call me Tildes~" I responded.

"And I'm Ounce." the rainbow overseer appeared between us. Nothing startled backwards.

"Gah! A talking overseer?" he exclaimed.

"Uh~ ya~ dont ur overseers ever talk to u~?"

"No!"

"Please calm down," Ounce said gently. Nothing took a moment to compose himself, but he still looked totally freaked out by my talking overseer. "Nothing Well-Made, would you be willing to let Tildes spend the night at your shelter? She's lost, and has nowhere to go."

"Um..." Nothing glanced at me nervously. I was also reminded that UH HOW DID I GET HERE??!?!??? I THOUGHT I DIED TO A METEOR!!!!!!!!1!

"S-sure," he said, distracting me from my thoughts. Nothing beckoned for me to follow. "My cottage is this way."

The forest around us grew darker as we walked, probably from a combination of the oncoming rain clouds and night falling. Ounce stayed perched on my shoulder as Nothing led me through uneven terrain. He glanced behind every so often to make sure I was following. I liked that.

We finally came to a small copse in the woods. In it stood an run-down cottage shelter. It looked dirty, and it was covered in ivy and moss. A small, fenced-in garden was planted next to it, but I couldn't see anything planted in it at the moment. The cottage must have been very old to be in such a haphazard shape. Or maybe, it simply wasn't well-made. (A.N. see what I did there~? :3)

"You live here?" Ounce asked, zipping down next to Nothing. "How does this thing withstand the rain?"

"We put a magic seal on it that prevents the rain from damaging it," Nothing explained. "My boyfriend did most of the work though. He knows more about magic than I do."

I felt my heart sink down into the void sea. Nothing was already taken? Of course he is~ I thought. A cute boykisser like him would have trouble staying single~

Completely oblivious to my heartbreak, Nothing opened the cottage door wide and gestured for me to step inside. I entered with a lot less enthusiasm than I started with when I first met him. The inside of the shelter was small, but cozy. Everything was bathed in warm colors, and potted plants seemed to decorate every surface. A small love seat was positioned in front of an inactive fireplace, and the kitchen was so small that it would struggle to fit two people inside. I didn't see a bedroom anywhere, so I could only assume it was upstairs, seeing as there was a small staircase leading to a second story.

"Woah~ Ur place is so cute~" I said as Nothing followed inside and closed the door.

"Thank you," he responded nervously. "F-feel free to make yourself at home on the sofa. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"You got any water~?" I asked. I was getting pretty thirsty by that point.

"Of course! Ice or no ice?"

"No ice pls~"

Nothing walked into the kitchen to prepare the water as I went to have a seat on the sofa. It was a nice, soft sofa. I wondered how often Nothing and his boyfriend got to cuddle in front of a roaring fire. Must be nice~ I thought.

As I sat, I could hear Nothing and Ounce talking quietly in the kitchen. I couldn't make out anything they were saying though. I wondered if Ounce knew how strange it was for me to suddenly appear here, off my string. Nothing was also off the string, assuming he had one. Odd.

Nothing walked into the living room with two glasses of water and handed one to me. "It's filtered water," he said. He unplugged something from behind his head - some kind of long tube - and put the end of it in his glass. I suddenly realize I had no clue how to drink water.

"It's a water intake tube. You have one too," Ounce whispered to me. I put my hand behind my head and felt around until I brushed over something thicker than a wire. I pulled at it, and the end of the tube came loose. I put it in my glass of water and automatically started drinking, cooling me off.

"So~ Where's ur boyfriend, Nothing~?" I ask innocently. Nothing stiffens, and Ounce glares at me.

"Um," he stutters. "Well, he's not been home for a while. He's-"

Nothing is cut off by a knock on the door!!! OMG IS IT HIS BOYFRIEND!?!?!??!??! Find out next chapter!!1!!111!!1!1!

---

Nothing Well-Made belongs to @meatcatt

[alitgblog]

s9 vol 7 thoughts: ah fuck this season has its problems but I don't think I've ever been this conflicted over love interests in a while

STEFAN 😍😍😍 literally I have to change my top five islanders now like I'm so sorry evan. AND he's an artist?? And it's my own fault for already buying into the second chance romance bit before he even showed up but like he's not ugly? omg stop. oof it's tough, like, shit I'm so sorry Natasha and Hamish I don't know who to pick in this love square they've got

him illustrating his sister's book for his sisters?? 🥺 I may be folding for that alone

I like Cassius' design. I like it more than Theo's but he does remind me of Liam unfortunately. and also he's looking like my MC's cousin this season so I gotta pass this time but makes it easier for me. but he does seem great, I like him and he's sweet without being boring (so far), but I also kinda wish we had an LI that gave us more pushback/banter? bc I picked a few options that disagreed with his whole thing about love/fate and he was just like "yeah fs that's a cool opinion too" which OK I get it he's nice but I'm just kinda sick of all the Islanders being so agreeable to MC. I guess Marshall is supposed to be the banter-y one but I have problems with him being here so I wish it was Cassius instead.

that being said they're fucking teasing me with this response to why are you here though

also at some point Cassius calls his season boring and I thought it was funny fusebox was dunking on themselves bc I didn't finish s7 either but no he was just referring to the fact he got dumped quickly.

I'm glad Lyle is back, like I'd be upset if an islander was only brought on for a date and then left, so I'm not mad at this even though he was momentarily mad at MC (and that became nothing?? like just take out that plot point) and i dont really care hes only coded in for Kat now. I'm just more upset bc they've literally already done this in S8 bc your LI has to pick between Sienna and Bea when they get "dumped" and then Sienna comes back in Casa.

And then we get to marshall and I don't even wanna talk about it. And ive made separate posts and reblogged some opinions on that so ill just add that also i hate his orange outfit. him dressing all white and ozzy all black was peak I hate he's out here in orange smh.. anyway so that'll be easy for me to not pick this season

although we get this and I thought it was funny like OK fine you got me marshall

he says it with a smile too not even angry/sarcastic

then after that I honestly don't remember what happens apart from way too many challenges all at once and the whole Stefan storyline. I wanted him to be a little upset initially bc it did seem like MC had some misunderstanding and then left him so quickly like I just wanted a little bit of angst where he came in with the gameplan of wanting to give her a piece of his mind and was on the show bc he couldn't contact her any other way, before he realized he was being silly and just was happy to see her again. like if anything, the story beats that Lyle goes through being snarky at mc in episode 1 then immediately asking for forgiveness by episode 3 makes more sense for Stefan but nah instead it just feels like another perfect li loyal route (which is fine but I like some tension in the story). like we can still have the terrace scene where he explains things though.

also if I saw this on love island? I'd be voting for them without question the angst is so good

OK I'm looking thru my screenshots and am now remembering I was upset at raunchy races for being subjective again. notable offenses:

straight out the gate, most creative boy and Kelly says "craft brewing is creative" gtfo as if it's not Chen the set designer (and anyone who brought back Lyle from the dates, I'd imagine musician over craft beer brewer as well)

Kat somehow doesn't win best dancer

I love Kelly and sure, biggest foodie but not when my mc is a chef smh at least in S6 the dialogue would change slightly with your occupation lmao

the physical challenge is OK but I just think it doesn't belong in casa. like on the actual show where they spend real days in casa it's fine but for the game that has to shorten it bc the volumes definitely don't add up to the length of real love island, it feels like a waste. if anything, the real villa needed a physical challenge rather than continuing to do variations on excess baggage type games.

someone help Kelly out with the mask pls

anyway the OG islander to visit instead of a postcard is interesting. I think a postcard makes the most sense but bc the game has to fabricate drama while also probably wanting most of the guys to still look good since the villa is like 75% love interests for MC, maybe it makes sense?

I think having it be MC's partner doesn't give us a lot of drama unless MC wants to bring up Stefan. Finn and Hamish could be interesting whether you're pursuing them or not. Like under the guise of them checking in on their partner, but they just care about MC and are asking her not to forget them. Most likely i think it'll be Kat's partner and he'll make up some lies about what's happening in the villa.

anyway a little rough first few weeks of the season but I'm enjoying at least this episode, surprisingly, so we'll seeeeee.... I think the seasons generally gets worse post casa so I'm not betting on this being a good season overall, but I'm not calling it a flop just yet.

[mizkit]

new blog post: ICFA: the last two days

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/icfa-the-last-two-days/

ICFA: the last two days

Let’s see. Friday I had a 10:30am thing, which I know because I couldn’t have breakfast with the family. Oh, yes, it turned out to be what Geoffrey Landis said might have been the most fun he’d ever had at an ICFA panel! laughs

It was a panel with myself and Kate JohnsTon, moderated by Novella, and Kate read an incredibly funny piece from the point of view of a genetically engineered modern T-Rex who was very, very horny, followed by two more very funny pieces, after which I read from my Pride & Prejudice pastiche, Magic & Manners, which was not nearly as funny and yet led, ultimately, to what arguably became the theme for the panel, which was…ejaculation. o.o

(See, in Austen, people don’t ‘burst out’ with words when they speak enthusiastically. Sometimes they exclaim, but very often they ejaculate, and given the whole horny T-Rex part of the panel… yes, well, it was very funny and poor Novella was just sort of sitting there with a hand over her face while Kate and I howled with laughter. It was AMAZING.)

Seriously, though, it was a great panel; the audience had good questions, the whole thing was obviously incredibly silly, and we had a truly wonderful time. Kate and I felt like kindred spirits immediately, and just, my god, yeah, it was really fun. I’m sure I could come up with more details (actually, the Magic & Manners stuff led into a pretty good, if brief, conversation about decolonization of fantasy), and I know we made Kate read more of her T-Rex book (which is actually a post-apocalyptic story based in a lot of science, and I’m really looking forward to it), but yeah, overall, it was great.

I think we went straight to lunch after that, where Mame and his wife, Woppa Diallo, who was the other guest scholar but was unable to attend in person, gave plenary speeches that ended with me having an entire LIST of non-fiction books to read; Mame (suffering, as he was, from imposter syndrome) kept saying he hadn’t even realized he WAS a scholar, but my god, the man is incredibly well-read, well-spoken, and insightful. We should all ‘not be scholars’ like he is. He and Woppa both spoke about ‘whimsy’ in African cultures, which was so interesting I may break it out into a short blog post of its own, and just…yeah, it was great.

Friday afternoon all the GoHs had a student caucus thingy that we went to in order to be available to answer questions specifically from students. Mostly there weren’t students in attendence, but the moderator (Andrew, from yesterday’s post) was great, and we ended up having a really good discussion, some great audience questions, and hopefully some insightful stuff was said. (Mary did end up asking me if I’d considered the possibility that I’d been a shaman in a previous incarnation, so, you know, things went a lot of places in that conversation!)

Ellen (Kushner, yes yes I’m definitely name dropping) invited me out to dinner on Friday with herself and Delia, and a couple of other people, including Kate of the T-Rex story, MaryAnne Mohanraj, who ofc I knew OF (we own one of her cookbooks, in fact!) but whom I’d never actually met, and a charming man named Will whose last name I’ve forgotten but whose reading I’d enjoyed earlier in the conference. Ellen apparently has a thing about finding good places to eat that aren’t right on the conference site, and we ended up going out for an Uzbek/Turkish meal that was almost impossibly delicious. We were partway through ordering when it became clear we were going to order half the menu, and the guy taking our order said, more or less “ok but you’ve got to order the to’y osh, it’s the house special,” and upon being reassured that we intended to, we just hadn’t gotten there yet, was satisfied. :D It was a wonderful, funny, delightful evening with absurd amounts of truly delicious food, and I’m extremely grateful for it. wibbly smile

Saaaaaaturday…oh, I hung out with MaryAnne Mohanraj in the morning for a bit, and…at some point? I had another panel? I think? With the other GoHs? And it was–well, for one thing, we were asked to read, which literally none of us expected, but Mame had his award-winning short story on his phone and Mary had a copy of one of her books of poetry with her AND she had a copy of URBAN SHAMAN!!! that she plopped in front of me to sign and, as it turned out, read from. :D And after that it was a Q&A that ranged from use of time in our various pieces (AGAIN, some really INTERESTING STUFF about African perceptions of time in storytelling that could probably use a post of their own) to copaganda, which as I’ve become aware, my stuff is rife with.

I went for a little walk after that and came back into the hotel to sit down and play Pokemon in the lobby, and after a few minutes Mame came by from a walk of his own and sat and we chatted, and then MaryAnne dropped by just as he had to leave, and then just as she was leaving, someone else she knew stopped by, so I was introduced, and as SHE was leaving, someone SHE knew stopped by–it was great, I felt like I was holding court. :D

I met–ah, man, I met so many cool people. I was sitting with the head of the conference’s fairy tale division at dinner one night, and at the banquet reception on Saturday she introduced me to her fairy tale ladies, who included a real genuine fan of mine (the woman who had asked about the copaganda, which was such a good question, honestly), so we had a lovely conversation and then they invited me to be in their annual picture. Obviously I said yes, and my fan, who is short but happened to be standing right next to me, when I said, “Should the shorter people go in front?” said, “I am short but I am not going anywhere. I am never moving from this spot ever in my whole life,” which was pretty cute. laughs She kept saying she was trying REALLY HARD not to completely fall apart, and she didn’t, and she was adorable and sweet and I loved her. :)

The dinner and awards ceremony were lovely–I, as were the other GoHs, was given an honorary award from the BIPOC committee, which made me extremely emotional–and post-dinner we all went out to the pool for an after-party, where I went with the express goal of “I’ll say good night and goodbye and that’s it,” and which took longer than the 90 minutes I’d expected it to (quite a lot longer, actually), but was a wonderful way to end the conference.

I could honestly write more and more and more about it all, but post-con writeups are taking up my “ok I have no brain to write fiction with” time, and I think by tomorrow I’ll be back to Able To Write, so I probably can’t spend the rest of my life waxing lyrical about the conference. :)

Me, Mary & Mame (picture by Mame): We had a great time. :)

[infizero]

initial side order thoughts/screenshots i needed to get out of my system (i have taken way too many screenshots) (SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY)

literally had to take a whole moment after reading this I AM GOING TO SOB. STOP THIS MADNESS. "a quiet spot together" WE GET ITTTTT YOU TWO ARE MARRIED IM GOING TO GO DIG A HOLE TO BURY MYSELF IN

dedf1sh/acht they/them moments HOORAY!!

my lesbian mothers shaking me awake after i ate 50 flintstone gummy

CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT MARINA'S WALLPAPER. I ALMOST SCREAMED WHEN I SAW IT HELP MEEEEEEEE. SHES SO GAY

pearl is so unfazed too she already knows this is what her laptop looks like LMFAO. they are genuinely married

STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am just so obsessed with how she looks here. my office manager queen

SO MANY THINGS HERE. ok

1) AGENT 4 REFERENCE RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THEY'RE NOT FORGOTTEN!!

2) this entire conversation is so fucking good. of course cuttlefish introduced them to four and pearl has no memory of who they are LOLLLLL

3) after getting stuff like marina's diary and a cool nametag, marina just casually telling us we got a piece of agent 4's FUCKING SOUL was so funny to me. ARE THEY OK?

the noise i let out when i saw this was disgusting

MARINA HAS TEARS IN HER EYES EVEN THOUGH SHES SMILING AND CELEBRATING WITH PEARL GET ME OUTTTTT OF HEREEEEEEEEEE

she is so pearl trash #1 core. this is insane. also the emojis and keysmashing I LOVE HERRRRRR. this entire thing with the diary entries being formatted like a social media story is soooooo cute. also reading "over 4 years ago" gave me psychic damage

ANYWAYS. its past midnight and ive got class bright and early so unfortunately ive got to stop for now. but IM HAVING SOOOOO MUCH FUN I KEEP HAVING TO STOP MYSELF FROM SQUEALING AT EVERY LITTLE THING. AND TAKING 5 BILLION SCREENSHOTS. as soon as i am out that building i am making a beeline back to my dorm and getting right back into this

also writing that made me realize like. good god. the attachment i have to these guys, off the hook in particular, is insane. one of my EARLIEST POSTS ON THIS BLOG was my thoughts on their reveal in one of the splatoon 2 trailers. which i made when i was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. guys i was literally 12 fucking years old when i first saw these two and now i am 19 and seeing them again and heavily involved in story stuff again has made me so unbelievably insane. THOSE TWO MEAN SO SO MUCH TO MEEEEE

even just walking around the virtual inkopolis square made me so nostalgic for splatoon 2 😭 i played the first game a good bit when i was younger but 2 was really where my deep love for the game came from. so going around the familiar layout of everything was. whew.

i am fucking loving this shit so far i am not logging onto twitter until i finish this i will NOT let myself be spoiled. if that mfing all bosses no damage mf tries to snipe me on youtube i will just not let it. simple as that. anyways I NEED TO GO TO BED GOODBYEE

[365days365movies]

31 (Films) to Life: End of Year Round-Up II

Before I wrap up last year and begin anew, here's the rest of the round up of the crime films I saw in 2022! Here's the first part of this post if you want a catch-up. These post is gonna cover these films:

Once Upon a Time in America (1984); directed by Martin Scorcese

Thelma and Louise (1991); directed by Ridley Scott

Reservoir Dogs (1992); directed by Quentin Tarantino

Casino (1995); directed by Martin Scorcese

Heat (1995); directed by Michael Mann

The Usual Suspects (1995); directed by Bryan Singer

L.A. Confidential (1997); directed by Curtis Hanson

American Psycho (2000); directed by Mary Harron

Catch Me if You Can (2002); directed by Stephen Spielberg

Monster (2003); directed by Patty Jenkins

The Departed (2006); directed by Martin Scorcese

Zodiac (2007); directed by David Fincher

OK, let's jump back into this recap!

Goncharov (1973); dir. Martin Scorsese - 82%

Look, I realize that this, as a recently recovered film, this has gotten a sort of cult-following, as it were. But after finally getting ahold of a copy of it and watching it, I dunno...seems somewhat overrated to me? Sure, Scorsese's choice to focus on Italy during the end of the Cold War is an interesting premise, and the cast is genuinely excellent, but...again, I thought it was only OK compared to some of the other movies on this list. Although, I will say, John Cazale was a stand-out character for me, in sort of a spiritual successor to his role in Dog Day Afternoon, playing the unhinged assassin with a very complex backstory. I read somewhere that there was a planned spin-off for Ice Pick Joe at some point, and I would love to know more about that. Plus, Scorsese's choice to follow up on Midnight Cowboy and Dog Day Afternoon by injecting homoerotic tones, especially in a film from this time period, was...

...Yeah, I'm WAY too late to hop on this meme. I'll stop now. It's a very funny meme, though. Love the fact that Scorsese himself admitted to making it; that's shit's hilarious. Anyway, on to the actual list.

Once Upon a Time in America (1984); dir. Martin Scorsese - 94%

This is a complicated movie to describe and to recap, and I actually never posted the last part of my review for this one, but...man. This is an excellent movie. Granted, exactly what you'd expect when I say it's a Martin Scorsese-directed period piece set in NYC and starring Robert de Niro...but, it still manages to surprise here and there. A couple of these surprises are, in my opinion, a tiny piece contrived, and it also manages to make its main character thoroughly unlikable in many ways, but it's still a great story with a lot of character packed in a...3 hour and 50 minute runtime, JESUS CHRIST. OK, yeah, this is a really long movie, but it's also hard to see a good place to trim it without harming the story and character work as a whole.

In terms of my normal breakdown, acting is nearly perfect all around; plot is convoluted and takes place in multiple time periods, but is still very good; directing and cinematography is beautiful; production and art design is perfectly immersive throughout all time periods represented; and if I hear pan-pipe music one more time I'M GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT. But the editing is still solid, despite an insane runtime. Look, if you're the kind of person who doesn't like uncomfortable moments in film or unlikely characters, or if you'd rather not strap in for a lot of atmosphere and silent character moments over the course of a nearly four-hour movie...maybe skip this. But otherwise, this movie is entirely worth it, and a genuine masterpiece. A must-watch for crime movie and Scorsese fans.

Thelma and Louise (1991); dir. Ridley Scott - 84%

A good Ridley Scott movie (and one that I only published half of my review for, whoops)! So, Thelma and Louise has a pretty good plot and acting, and does everything else pretty well. Plus, its titular relationship is compelling for a lot of reasons, whether or not you take it as romantic (which there are arguments for and against). As well as being a good source for an essay on justice within a patriarchal culture that has issues with female self-autonomy and sexual consent (yes, really, I'm not even reading into that super hard), it's an interesting movie. But if I'm gonna be honest, while I thought this was a good movie...it's not necessarily one I'd go out of my way to watch again, and I may turn away from it when it comes on TV. Y'know what I mean? Like, I'd tell people it's a good movie, but I wouldn't recommend it, necessarily. It's a good movie to watch at least once, though.

Reservoir Dogs (1992); dir. Quentin Tarantino - 89%

Reservoir Dogs, on the other hand, is a movie that I absolutely recommend. Now, is this a movie that, like Scarface, every college fuckboi in the world has seen, recommended, and quoted. I mean, yeah, absolutely. Is it gratuitously gory and violent? Again, yeah, absolutely it is. But it has a banger of a cast (Harvey Keitel, Steve Buscemi, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, to name a few), fantastic plot and good writing, good direction and cinematography, good production and art design (simple as it is), great editing, and memorable music (for what little there is in this movie). There's a lot packed into this one, and there are narrative twists and turns you wouldn't necessarily expect, leading to one of the tensest endings I saw in a movie last year. And as much I would love to go into more details about this crime thriller...I won't. Go watch this one, trust me.

Casino (1995); dir. Martin Scorsese - 94%

So, this year, I made a huge mistake. I was in a hotel room for a conference, alone (much less sad than it sounds, believe me), and I decided to watch a movie that night. So, I sit down, look at my list of films, and realize the next one is the Scorsese classic film Casino. Now, I have a copy of this movie at home on DVD, but I find it on streaming, so I figure I may as well go for it. Here's the problem: it was on AMC. Now, at first blush, this doesn't seem like a problem. But it actually is a massive problem for Casino, more than any other movie I've ever seen, because the censoring for TV really distracts from the movie itself. Like...really badly, too. It was an issue.

Now, is this a good movie? Very much so. As Scorsese loves to do, it follows a gangster played by De Niro, during the time period where the Mafia was at its strongest influence in Las Vegas. His enforcer and best friend, played by Joe Pesci, joins him in the business. What follows is a multi-year story of death, lies, betrayal, talk shows, domestic abuse, and a LOT of crazy shit that you follow the entire time with baited breath. This is a 3 hour plus movie, and I remember more of it that I rightfully should. And yes, there are a LOT of F-bombs, all of which were covered by Joe Pesci's less-than-stellar dubbing over his own lines. When "fuck" comprises 40% of a character's dialogue, censoring tends to really hamper with immersion, just saying. But yes, this film has stellar acting from the leads and support, an interesting and engaging plot with curse-heavy writing, great direction and cinematography throughout, fantastic production design, and a good score with great editing. Definitely watch this one...uncensored. Trust me on that one.

Heat (1995); dir. Michael Mann - 90%

Well, shit, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in a crime movie? And Pacino's playing a cop? Hell yes. It's also Pacino's last movie before he goes into overacting hell, and even then, he has a lot of scenery in his teeth and he is loving it. But even despite that, solid performances from our two leads, one of whom is playing to type, and the other against it, but both very well. It manages to mix multiple compelling stories, while maintaining the tension of a cat-and-mouse game, during which you're somehow always rooting for both sides to win. Direction is great, production design is simple but good, and the music is...fine. I actually don't remember it much, to tell the truth. But either way, a must-watch for any crime film fan. It's fantastic.

The Usual Suspects (1995); dir. Bryan Singer - 92%

As some of you may know by now, I'm a firm believer in divorcing the art from the artist. So, yes, even though this is a Kevin Spacey vehicle directed by Bryan Singer, I still really wanted to watch this one. And it's great. Absolutely fantastic, don't get me wrong...but I was kinda fucked from the start here. Without going into any details, this movie is about cops investigating a crime committed by the mysterious Keyser Soze, and uncovering who the culprits are. And that's it. That's all you're getting. Because there's a famous twist in this film, and I knew it from the jump, unfortunately for me. Definitely didn't ruin the movie, but not knowing the twist would've made it OH so much sweeter. So, that my word that it's a good movie, do not attempt to look it up anywhere for more info, and go check this one out.

L.A. Confidential (1997) - dir. Curtis Hanson - 90%

Another Spacey vehicle! And hot damn, is it a great one. I like the previous movie more for the plot, but L.A. Confidential is certainly no slouch when it comes to twists. Not the least predictable twist in the world, but still a notable twist. Again, excellent cast here (Crow, Pearce, Spacey, Basinger, DeVito, Cameron, etc.), great plot and writing as well, great direction and good cinematography, excellent production design, and great music, and this is another must-watch action movie, on par with Chinatown in tone, and Heat in quality. Also, a seminal buddy-cop movie...kinda.

American Psycho (2000); dir. Mary Harron - 82%

Fun fact about me: I'm a serial killer true crime junkie. Which, yes, makes me either a typical millennial or a middle-aged white mom with nothing to do all day, but sue me, I think it's an interesting topic. Anyway, because of that, I've always been interested in watching this movie, which not only pictures a very '80s sense of psychopathy that's still identifiable today ("sigma males", anyone), but actually inspired a real-life serial killer duo, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, AKA Canada's most notorious murderers. Their favorite book was the original American Psycho, which was later adapted into this film. But that said, outside of the true-crime connection, I also liked this film as a character dissection of a man quickly going insane, as well as the exploration of a business shark capitalist drive and misogynist culture surrounding it as major causes and drivers of that mindset. And I'd say that was reading too much into it, but...it really isn't.

But that said, this movie is interesting to watch, but definitely not perfect. Acting, with Bale as an exception, is good but not great throughout. Plot and writing are good, if ham-fisted at times, and with an unexpected ending (and not in a great way). Direction is great, cinematography is pretty good, too. Production and art design is extremely solid, and maybe the strongest part of the movie. Music gives that a run for its money, though, since it's also a narrative device to better understand our lead. This is a good movie, and weirdly relevant with certain elements of our internet culture, so check this one out if you have the time. And if you're in the mood for a film whose bread and butter is toxic masculinity, but was also directed and written by women. Which is hilarious.

Catch Me if You Can (2002); dir. S. Spielberg - 88%

The concept of an auteur in terms of film directing is varied and storied, but is usually used to refer to an individual whose artistic vision is clear on the screen, making their films quite distinctive to the discerning viewer. And Jesus Christ, is this film an example of that for Stephen Spielberg, because I don't know if a crime film could Spielberg harder than this! What I mean by that is that Spielberg's style, while not often applied to the crime genre, is very apparent in his films. You usually know one when you see one, is what I'm saying.

That's to say nothing about quality, which is very good in the base of this film. The only real weak spot, for me, was the music of the film, which wasn't very distinctive outside of the opening credits theme. Everything else, though, is pretty great. DiCaprio and Hanks kill it, even though Hanks was admittedly still definitely Tom Hanks through the film. Plot and writing was a Spielberg plot, but a really good set of character dissections and interactions. Direction and cinematography are fantastic, Production and Art Design are TOP fucking notch, until we sort of fall off towards the end of the movie. And editing is great, even if music wasn't my favorite. Great movie, very much recommended if you want to see Spielberg do a crime film. And you should want that, ideally!

Monster (2003); dir. Patty Jenkins - 86%

Remember that thing I said earlier about being a fan of serial killers? Well, Monster and its focus on real-life murderer Aileen Wuornos was high on my list of must-sees at the very beginning of this project. Charlize Theron's performance as the character is pretty legendary, and for good reason, because she does an AMAZING job as Aileen. And Ricci's no slouch as her girlfriend Selby, either. Was it the most accurate movie in the world? No, but it was unexpectedly accurate in some ways as well. Wuornos is one of those figures who's kind of controversial, as some of her murders could have been self-defense, and the film's writer and director, Patty Jenkins (yes, that one) does realize that. And I started to be worried in the beginning of the film, but she turned me completely around by the end. It's great!

Direction, though, is...fine? It's not particularly distinctive, but it isn't bad. Same goes for the Cinematography. Production design is excellent, mostly because Charlize Theron BECOMES Aileen Wuornos, partially due to acting, but also absolutely due to appearance and wardrobe. It's genuinely very impressive the whole movie. And finally, music was there, and kinda weirdly clashing with tone in some instances, but it's not too bad. Check this one out if you're into serial killer stuff, too.

The Departed (2006); dir. Martin Scorsese - 94%

Another fun fact about me: I grew up in New England, as well as currently living there. And I live in an area of the region where Boston is a major feature, as is the culture that revolves around the city. And yes, this film is well-known for being a somewhat stereotyped view of Boston...but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, is it wicked accurate, kid! It also helps that, as a Scorsese film, it's very well-made and absolutely star-studded. Some of those stars, namely Damon and Wahlberg, are actually from the area, and they flex some intense Boston accents throughout this movie. DiCaprio and Nicholson are also fantastic in this film, as are Sheen, Baldwin, Farmiga, Winstone, and Anderson, even though some of them don't quite pull off the accent as smoothly as others. Baldwin, in particular, is still Alec Baldwin, no matter how you try and change that voice.

Directing and cinematography is stellar, unsurprisingly, while production and art design is definitely very iconically mid-2000s Boston. The score of this film literally changed the musical tastes OF BOSTONIANS, according to my fiancée who's more from the area than I, and the editing is also top-goddamn notch. And the plot and writing? Holy SHIT, the plot and writing! Look, you need to now two things. One, this is a cop-mafia drama in a vein similar to Heat, and it is VERY good at that job. A little bloated, story-wise, but it doesn't show too much. And two, watch this movie, do not look up the plot or film beforehand. Suffice to say, this is an in-depth morality play all over the spectrum of morality, and the twists are EVERYWHERE. Please check this one out, it's fantastic. Go Sox.

Zodiac (2007); dir. David Fincher - 90%

And last but not least, another serial killer film with an unclear ending, and one that focuses on the investigation and the figures involved instead. Zodiac is a fantastic movie, based on a book about the case by Robert Graysmith, who's played in the movie by Jake Gyllenhaal. Graysmith is, in fact, arguably the main character of the film, with Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Ruffalo playing other key figures in the investigation from both a press and police side, respectively. You watch how this unnerving case affects these people's lives, while knowing that the case won't ever actually be solved. They present a case for the killer, but no actual answers. And in playing with that, Fincher is able to build some real goddamn tension in some moments.

Again, though, not perfect, but it's pretty damn close. Acting is stellar all over, even though some people don't quite disappear into the role. Ruffalo and Gyllenhaal are amazing on that particular front, but it's hard to see RDJ as anyone but RDJ, as an example. Plot and writing is great, directing and cinematography is great, production design is pretty good (I dunno, I wasn't as sold on that one, but that might be a me thing), and the music is great as well! Editing makes the film a little overlong in my opinion, but I don't think it affects the movie much. Check this one out, again, if you're in a serial killer movie mood.

And that's it!

Next film I was set to watch was Captain Phillips, and I'll try and check that out this year regardless, but I only got that fair this year. That said, though, the next movie I'm set to watch in 2023 is technically a crime film, from what I understand. But I'm leaving the life of crime behind for a while otherwise. I've done my time, so it's time to say farewell to the old life for now. But that said...I do have plans. Oh, I always have plans.

In 2023, I'll be going off of a list of challenges, as curated by the book Everyone's a Critic: 52 Week Movie Challenge. These challenges each require I watch films of specific categories, like award-winners, animal films, etc. And the first one in the 52 Films challenge is Best Picture winner. And for the first of those...I gotta watch this movie. And I've been wanting to watch it since 2020. So, what better time like the present? Plus...been a while since I've watched a foreign language film, honestly. So, strap in for the next one! It's gonna be a ride in 2023.

Next: ...We'll see.

[jessamine-rose]

I love love love all your yandere harbingers story and I just realized u also have an ao3 cuz I was about to tell you that someone is copyrighting your fic 😭

Ok so let's get to the Yandere Pierro fic, the Disjecta Membra one, it really portrayed how the reader or rather Savior. She's really such a kind and gentle soul, yet that was her downfall, her weakness. That's why the Chess Piece side story completes everything because that's how I deeply understood why she would succumb to Stockholm Syndrome. Its kind of funny how she is aware of it but she just succumbed to it because of her longing for anyone to be with her again.

As for Pierro, girl... damn... like damn... I love the power imbalance he felt and he tripped that over so he would dominate Savior. He relishes control over her, it really stems to what we know so far. His desire to burn the old world because his nation got destroyed... I think that's how I would view his mindset, he would think of Savior as above him when he was still injured. Yet that also infruriated... so when he became the Director of the Fatui and joined the Tsaritsa... he had the strong desire to topple the gods over. I think that is also why he gets pleasure (not sexually btw xD more like it emotionally pleases him) over domineering over her. Also this may be confusing but I hope you get my point HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!

Then for the dynamic between them, it's just ugh I too want to get locked up in a mansion with a hot looking older man (dw im aware that savior is older lmaooo) ok kidding aside... Pierro definitely admires her intellectual capacity (like how they would play chess often and the time when savior spread her mist in his mansion) and gets stimulated by her emotional reactions (like how she would get nervous about his desire to consume her).

Also from what I understood I think him prioritizing his duty to the Tsaritsa doesn't mean he would love Savior any less. Like he said in the fic... love and worship... it cannot be compared. So for me it is similar to Kujou Sara's worship for the Raiden Shogun, or to Cyno's duty for the people of Sumeru and his belief in Nahida.

ALSO I LOVE THE GREEK REFERENCES MY EYES BURNED WHEN I SAW THE NAMES OF ACLYS, OIZYS, PASITHEA,,, ETC ETC Im like that's just chef's kiss!

Btw this is my personal insights about the fic, feel free to correct me if I misunderstood anything at all 😭

Also im so sory if this is long I just really couldn't help myself but interact with you since your fics really deserves to get recognized 😭

Read Disjecta Membra and Chess Piece here~

First of all, never apologize for sending me a long ask bc I enjoyed reading it!! I love it when y’all elaborate on your brainrot and point out your favorite parts of the fic. Not to mention your analysis of Pierro and Savior!!

I read your comments on the fics, and thank you for taking the time to tell me all of this. It was wonderful to read your insight <3

[alaffy]

X-Men, Ep. 1x10 – Tolerance is Extinction (spoilers)

So…how long until season 2? 

As much as I was looking forward to an X-Men movie under the Marvel label…I honestly think that, after this, they need to take their time.  The creators of this series took a show that was great for its time and turned its sequel into one of the best projects that Marvel studios has ever produced (The original show is still good; but was limited to what Fox allowed them to do at the time.  It was more then the slapstick cartoons or 30-minute commercials we usually saw; but the writing can be lacking when comparing it to some of the animated programs that came later). 

So, we begin with Magneto and Xavier having a drink at a bar in not quite Vietnam (as in they don’t mention the region, but ah…).  It’s quickly established that this was the moment that the two, uh, “came out” to one another (with the way half this episode played, I am fully justified in using that phrase).  But then we realize that we are in Magneto’s mind.  Xavier is trying on last time to appeal to Magneto.  But when it doesn’t work, Xavier takes control of Magneto’s mind and powers and saves the earth.  But doing so, breaks Magneto’s psyche.  Xavier chooses to stay inside Magneto’s mind in order to try to repair the damage (yeah, I had a feeling that the original comic story, where Xavier purposely turns Magneto into a vegetable, was going to be tamed.  Not that I have a problem with the change).

So, Bastion is able to take control of the hybrids again and he goes on this huge monologue to basically say this, “humans are unpredictable, so me and my kind are now taking over as the next evolutionary step.”  Ok, that’s really underselling it.  But it basically boils down to; both Magneto and Xavier are wrong.  It doesn’t matter how many good deeds the X-Men do, the world is not going to stop fearing and hating them overnight; and some people just hate.  It’s ego, it’s lack of self; it’s whatever it is in humans that makes people want to be better than others.  At the same time, not every human is going to feel that way about mutants and every human has the capacity to change (although some never will).  Boiling humanity down to absolutes leads to nothing but failure.  Mostly because we have these funny little things called emotions, something that Bastion seems intent on getting rid of.  At which point, we start to see the hybrids attacking humanity (and look at all the cameos).

Of course, during all of this, we have this constant mocking of Jean's and Madelyne’s deaths.  Yeah, so Karma took the form of Phoenix, and resurrected a bitch (also confirming, like the comics, that Jean is never going to be separated from the Phoenix entirely).  Anyway, Jean is able to put the neutralizer onto Bastion’s head, effectively cutting him off from the hybrids.  She them captures Sinister and…deconstructs him, until he’s a shriveled old man and he runs away. 

But while Bastion is disconnected from his army, he’s far from powerless.  He attacks Cable, rips off Cable’s metal arm, and then proceeds to beat Cable with it. (I'd question why the X-Men didn't try to stop him, but I'd probably be standing around in shock too).  Bastion then uses the technology from the arm to create his final form; complete with wings.  Since he can’t reform the Earth his way, he’s just going to get rid of the pesky human by dropping a large piece of rock from..the..sky…(Wait, a minute…this seems familiar). 

Meanwhile, the X-Men on Asteroid M are trying to get Xavier to wake up (and also make sure Wolverine doesn’t die.  Yes, Wolverine, is that fucked up.  And in the comic this is based on, he actually did flatline).  Jean warns Cyclops that Bastion is coming and what his plan is.  Also, that he hurt Cable.

And so we’re up to the next fight.  And yes, even Cyclops with a full on blast can’t hurt Bastion.  So, it seems like he’s invulnerable, except Jubilee takes a turn.  I mentioned this several posts ago, but Jubilee is supposed to be a lot more powerful than she lets on.  She actually can blow things up at the subatomic level, but she’s afraid to use her powers.  Jubilee is able to focus her powers and damage Bastion’s face.  It’s not a whole lot of damage, but it is showing that there more to Jubilee than fireworks.

So, long story short, the other X-Men manage to use a Sentinel to get up to the asteroid.  Meanwhile, Kelly is being told he needs to use the Magneto protocols by some and that he should wait by others (Captain America and Black Panther).  Black Panther also has this great line about history books, except what they really need to focus on is science because…what do they think is going to happen here?  Hit the gravity core and just hope the fuck that it blows the asteroid into little, tiny pieces?  And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t take a rocket science to know that thing is too close to the Earth and too big to be anything but extinction level bad.  And guess what?  The missiles hit, Bastion kind of accepts his death as his work is done, and the asteroid goes careening towards the Earth.

The X-Men, of course, decide they not going without a fight.  They have Sunspot take Jubilee back planet side; but don’t have Nightcrawler teleport the injured somewhere safe for…reasons (And if Jean and Scott had time for a telepathic goodbye, he should have had time to bamf them somewhere). 

Meanwhile, in Magneto’s mind, Xavier is trying to piece Magneto back and explain how friendship is magic or some such bs.  Although part of me felt like Charles was practically manipulating Magneto’s mind, turning him into what he wanted to be (but I’m probably reading into that).  But it works and Magento wakes up just in time to stop the asteroid, except it disappears.

Six months later, everyone believes the X-Men to be dead.  Forge is trying to start a new team (also Cable, Jubilee, and Sunspot appear to have gone AWOL).  Bishop comes in and tells Forge that the team isn’t dead, but transported through time.

Cyclops and Jean are in the far future, where they meet a young Nathan (and another character important to their future).

Beast, Rouge, Xavier, Nightcrawler, and Magneto find themselves in the past, where they stumble upon a warrior called En Sabah Nur.

Meanwhile, in Genosha, Apocalypse is digging through the rubble and finds one of Gambits cards, while talking about death.

And, if you’ve read the comics, you know why all of this is important. 

As for Morph, Storm, and Wolverine….?       

[misqnon]

i stopped reading usosan fanfic for this (actually i was happy to stop bc it was smut and i wasnt in the mood to read smut but was too lazy to look for non smut)

I KNOW.. PLEASE .. why does only sanji get to be free .. im so sad for them. reiju the literal (former) child soldier and pudding with no one to care for her and love her. i assume theyll come back in the cover stories. .. please oda... pls..

"UR RIGHT NO SHAME….PUTS MY YAOI PROUDLY ON THE FRIDGE" YEAH!!!! YEAHHH!!!!

NOO AHDNSBF.. i can relate though i always do exactly what im warned not to do

"it was all me. next i will be asking the size of katakur- [gunshots]" NOO HOW COULD THEY SILENCE U LIKE THIS ... dont worry I'll ask in ur place

u cant put improper french in ur fanfic!!!!

reading the water 7 arc when usopp splits always kills me inside... it hurts so bad. i hope that if/when sanji and zoro fight, its THAT emotionally impactful. like all the hidden meanings and . angst.. i want good angst. if they do actually get into a fight To The Death, i dont think anyone but luffy could stop them. i could also imagine theyre fighting to the death and like . what stops them is someone in the crew is put into mortal peril and theyre forced to work together (bc that's always how it goes). what they should actually do is sit down and talk about their feelings... with a mediator perhaps....

"but why does shuggy feel like one of the most likely to me." IT DOES TO ME TOO!!! like the subtext... is there... it is so much There.

"that is canon shuggy to me. oda doing it kinda halfheartedly in a roundabout way for laughs but the fandom is popping bottles (we popping the BIGGEST bottles when shuggy happens tomorrow-)" YEAH i think even if this is the case its a win. canon gay old guys??? who have been pining after each other (well mostly shanks pining after buggy) for what .. 25 years?? that would be amazing..

"do u think zoro will get more development of him as a character by the end of the story?" i do!!! i think he needs a bit more depth tbh. like he is a wonderful character and im not saying he should have a sadder backstory or something but. to me rn i think hes a bit more two dimensional compared to the rest of the crew. like yeah simplicity is wonderful but i think to me hes less.. of a simple character.. and more like a character that needs to have more emotional highs/lows. i know i could love him so much more if i just ... knew him better. anyways i think its coming bc there have been some realizations involving his character? backstory? recently. and i assume oda knows that he could use more emotional depth. stoic and aloof characters are fine but i think the real appeal is when u get to see into their mind for a second and understand who they really are as a person

sexualize him to the point the audience wonders if hes actually a woman

thank u for watching my 4kids sanji video. i actually have like 5 videos saved of trace heatfist because he is so weirdly attractive in the 4kids dub but i will spare u. also idk if uve heard 4kids luffy but imo his voice is way better than the funimation dub???

"WHILE CONNECTED to a GIANT PROJECTOR…THIS briefly flashed on the screen before i frantically clicked away. no one saw but i. i did." this is EXTREMELY FUNNY. i really enjoy embarrassing stories because i find my own embarrassing stories very funny (when i tell them to other people)

brainwash everyone into believing sanji one piece is gay in SOME way.. ur doing gods work

i love how not normal u are about him

"(nodding) no go on what animal parts" see if u had read dungeon meshi i could reference it and everything would be so much easier, BUT YOU HAVENT /lh /teasing

ok but i have been obsessed with animals since i was a kid (especially lions and wolves (special interest go brr)) so probably lotta lion parts... because theyre cooler looking than wolves. and also just give me wings for good measure. i want to fly. nevermind that wings are meant for lightweight creatures. these are magic wings. its one piece..

i saw u post abt nightcrawler and i was never really into x men but hes pretty

i stared at the law comic... for.... like... 10 minutes.... rhank u ... for putting that onto my . feed

YEAH HES 6'3. actually hes the shortest warlord, tied with boa hancock. 6 feet tall is short in one piece

"gay art markets" already intrigued.

THATS SO COOL AJJDHSDJ.. i have been to a few anime cons and i dont remember?? ever seeing any law's??? its very sad .. i went the year before last year i think. i did see a huge furry one time (at the anime con). they looked like they were 7 feet tall. it was really exciting. and intimidating. that weird mix of the two. i am 5'3 for reference.. like wow. u are huge.....

"i love ur insane thoughts pls continue to share."

"i will do the same someday when i am less shy and ashamed of my unhinged fandom thoughts" pls do!! share ur own!! (when ur comfortable!!) i will not judge .. this is a judgement free zone. and also a shaming free zone

"such as making zoro amvs to abba in my head on the way to therapy." u are so powerful...

"thats a line my therapist actually said in response to something i did once." ur therapist sounds cool wtf. i never got a cool therapist

YEAH I SAW PPL TALK ABT IT SO I RECOGNIZED THE POSSIBLE CROCODILE.. i saw someone say croc was gonna be... some white dude.. and internally i was crying.. how could u do that to him

thank u for ur sacrifice

(watched the video) omg its prozd!!!! i love stuart.... Stuart.. stuart little.. ???? no wonder he got along with mice

YEAH I HEARD THAT TOO?? LIKE WTF IS HAPPENING... its cuz crunchyroll is funding ...

did my meme image come off as ambiguous. i asked my friend if it was ambiguous and they said no.. but i had nothing wlse....

robin canonically having touched (crushed) franky's balls for an extended period of time is so weird to me. thats what i think abt when i see naked franky..

p.s. i will add u there... my discord is something like. stupid.. stinky... or something... i dont remember. u saw the doflamingo snail just remember that. oh wait i also have my name as my name. ok. i forgot about that.

send me ur sanji pics .

rowan i am honored 

ok that gives me a question tho. i feel like u mentioned sanuso before and im curious. do people?? have ships with characters in them that they dont like?? like before i converted u. i feel like i could never like a ship that had a character i disliked in it. or at the very least i would grow to like both the characters

THE COVER STORIES i didnt think about that!! yes…oda please…i know u havent forgotten about reiju bc u put her in that one really fruity chapter cover with tashigi for some reason…

to all the haters that i dont have….but my silence. for $5,000 a month,

APPARENTLY NOT the french in my fic is all now double checked….to my embarrassment 

TRUE IT WOULD BE LIKE THE USOPP SPLIT…and yea. that moment WAS a lot. i think i teared up. there are a lot of “crewmate almost leaves the crew” moments and i think a fight between two strawhats (which has also happened before! but usually at least one of them is luffy!) could feel similarly. i like ur interpretation of how it could go too…there’s this trope in zosan fanfics where robin ALWAYS is all up in there business trying to mediate them and i both love it and hate it lmao. like yea she probably would notice but also why does she always gotta be ur guys’ therapist….and in canon. for a moment like that. it would probably have to be luffy wouldnt it??

oda: haha guys i made buggy gay isnt that Funny

the fandom: [hooting and hollering]

I AGREE COMPLETELY ABT ZORO. HE DOES NEED JUST A BIT MORE EMOTIONAL DEPTH. MAKE HIM GO THROUGH SOMETHING…stoic and cool characters REALLY DO need a moment where they ARENT STOIC AND COOL to be more well-rounded…and zoro hasnt really gotten that since that one time he cried at baratie like a thousand chapters ago (literally). and that was a very brief moment. he and robin can be similar and enies lobby is what made everyone love her more…when is zoro’s enies lobby. i dont actually need an entire arc like that for him (i mean i'd love that but i dont expect it) BUT AT LEAST GIVE HIM SOMETHING!!

“sexualize him to the point the audience wonders if hes actually a woman” already there babes 🫡 just doing my part

DID. DID THEY ACTUALLY CALL HIM TRACE HEATFIST IN THE 4KIDS DUB…ARE U SERIOUS RN…IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE PLEASE SAY SIKE. i just looked up luffy’s voice as well AND I LIKE THE VOICE ITSELF A LITTLE BETTER?? BUT THE VOICE ACTING IS….HM. 

THE GALLERY I WORK AT IS SUPER CHRISTIAN I THOUGH GAY SANJI WAS GONNA GET ME FIRED ZJBFVHDCSKJ it was. it was so funny afterwards tho. i will share embarrassing stories like my life depends on it

“i love how not normal u are about him” 

IM SORRY MY FRIEND KEEPS TRYING TO GET ME TO READ DUNGEON MESHI BUT IM TOO BUSY READING ONE PIECE 😭😭😭 lion…and wings…so u want to be a griffin 👁️

not 6’3 and shortest warlord. dkjnvkjnfvkj

i love the gay art markets. also NO LAWS?? I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPER POPULAR…DIDN THE BEAT OUT ZORO IN THE POPULARITY POLLS ONE TIME

“i will not judge .. this is a judgement free zone.” WRONG bangs my sanji gavel. 

my therapist IS very cool she makes fun of me but in a good way and also makes me laugh. and i make her laugh. bc i am ridiculous. i got very lucky

i dont think theyve made any casting choices for s2 publicly yet so…we will See..

STUART KILLED ME but so did “HIS NAME IS LUFFY! THAT’S Monkey Luffy” its been playing in my head. also sanji’s love for mice/rats makes me fucking insane bc its the cutest thing on earth. that scene where he’s completely enamored by a rat that’s sitting in a woman’s shirt and he is completely ignoring the woman. for the rat 😭 SANJI LOVES MICE MORE THAN WOMEN CONFIRMED-

no but i saw clips of that scene and about cried. same to that mouse wedding he attended in a drawing request oda did kfnvkjd. can u imagine the first time they get rats in the galley and they’re all expecting sanji to freak and kill them and then they walk in and he’s made them tiny stir fry and is calling them cutesy names. they would be like. 😮

also all the fan content ive seen where ratatouille is his favorite movie. ANYONE CAN COOK!!!!! 😭

AMBIGUOUS?? I DONT THINK SO? I liked it. we turn a sad into a frrAAANKKYYYYYYYY

and god i try not to think about it but also. ROBIN WHYYY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OFFFF SHE IS INSANE. SHE’S SO WEIRD.  

EVIL(ER) CROCODILE NX KJDC

I ADDED U ON DISCORD!!!! sanji pics…breathes in…i will add a couple more here but. should i send some on discord as well. is that how i break the ice. images of sanji with his ass up in the air (my collection)

also check out how much this dude can cry!!! (laughing but also crying):

[crmsnmth-journal]

2/9/2024

9:42 PM

"You Will Be Okay. Or You Won't. One of Those." This was the stupid meme that got me thinking since a few hours ago. I get the joke, I do. And it's funny to me, but the idea of it is, in its own way, kind of uplifting. To me anyway, and how my mind has been working for the past decade or so. There are only two outcomes, basically a yes and no idea. Human Binary, if you will. Simply putting life down to its very basic understanding of human beings. You either will be ok, or you won't. There's nothing else there. It's yes and no. And even though I've turned into quite the coward in the last couple years, this helps me gain some of the confidence I once had burning through me. The fire's not back, and I don't ever really expect it to be back, but there's at least a spark. There's no kindling, so it won't last. But for someone with my mental health battles, even a spark is beautiful.

I'm going to a concert June 1st. Frank Turner and The Sleeping Souls, Amigo the Devil, Bridge City Sinners, and some others that I don't know. Frank Turner and Amigo is probably the most important show I'll ever get to go to. Frank saved me years ago, and Amigo saved me recently. Both of them, I mean literally. Frank made me put down the piece of glass and Amigo stopped me from swallowing a bottle of sedatives. They are very important to me. My brother said he'd drive, and it's not too far, just the Twin Cities. I have been to an actual real concert/show since Wednesday 13, with Tif and Chad, back in 2014. I used to go to a lot of shows. Almost every weekend for a while there. And I guess I've been to shows since Wednesday 13, but I'm not including shitty bands playing at The Silver Dome. And I'm not including bands that play at this town's shitty Heritage Days thing. But an actual show by someone I'd really like to see, and I'd really like to see these two on stage. This will also be the first show I've gone to since I got sober and clean. I'm not even in the slightest bit nervous. I got this. I really hope nothing goes wrong and takes this from me. I buy the tickets tomorrow.

So I guess I have something to look forward to. And as I type that, I realize I haven't look forward to something since the birth of my son in 2020. There's been nothing to really look forward to. Jail sucked, my dad has a stroke, my dad gets into a car accident and ends up dying from complications of both, and old friends don't want to be around a violent felon. I don't blame anybody on that. I wish they knew the whole truth of what happened on those nights. It might not change any views on me and, in the end, that's ok. I can't change the views of those who see me. It's not worth my time anymore. Those who knew me, and those who know me know the whole story, and not just the part where I was a monster. Those who know me know I don't like violence in any form. And the only time violence is ok is in defense. But I have no defense. I didn't in the courtroom, and I let her take everything from me. All my possessions, my son, my freedom, my reputation, my name. Everything. It's been almost four years since this hell began. I'm slowly getting my name right. Ever the optimist, Chris. It can only go up from down here. I won't fall off the ladder this time. I got this.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[kmclaude]

Hear me out, hear me out:

Annemarie is kinda the town slut, right? She's not the pickiest dater out there, and really I get the impression that she'll go for most dudes who will give her a chance, and that really, she'll overlook any issues so long as it doesn't put her at immediate risk.

Imagine the closeted gay dude in the town deciding to date her to prove he's totally straight (I mean look at her, she's super feminine and totally a girl that straight dudes like) and she's not *bad* looking even if she's not his uh. preferred gender. Everything's Fine (tm) in the relationship, she pretends she can't tell that he's totally thinking about dudes in bed, and he pretends that he's into women.

The issues arise when he finally notices (older teen) Tiefer, and realized that while Anne is great and all, he'd really rather have that little closeted twink. Of course he continues the relationship with Anne to keep up appearances (and so he continues to have access), but he absolutely starts going after Emi. They start a secret side affair and things fall apart from there.

Thoughts?

Ok, I really should send in how I imagine the "Closeted dude dates Anne to get to Tiefer" au ending:

Annemarie finds out, is *enraged* in a way she hasn't been before, leaves the boyfriend, and does her damndest to block access. To the point of doing something drastic. Whether that be rumor-spreading, murder, or outing him to the authorities/locals.

Either way she makes DAMN sure Emilien knows that this is his fault and that she'll do it again. Fucks with him for the rest of his life, and fucks with him HARD about Nathan being at risk.

oh I have so many thoughts (starting with your honor i love this)

Em would absolutely try and seduce him -- at this point it's almost a competition of sorts between them, Em trying to wreck her fun, see how many of her men he can turn -- that it's almost a shock when this one is like him.

(Annemarie pretends she doesn't see his game--after all, they come back to her in the end, they always do, the few that try him out do it just to relieve tension, as their dad would say when he pressed a finger inside her at fucking eleven years old--)

Em having fucking fun, aware he's a twinky piece of jailbait for some guy who can barely get it up for his sister but he's what that guy actually wants rather than a punching bag with holes for when her majesty got hers and is done for the night. He's first pick, not sloppy seconds, and it's with someone just like him, someone who might just get what other men like, someone for whom he's not just some brat.

God he'd be gutted when it's all taken away. Maybe even feel guilty -- he did crack the guy's shell, maybe he wouldn't have if he hadn't pushed his buttons -- but mostly terrified when Annemarie runs to the sheriff's office (the sheriff who's dick she'd happily bounce on between marriages and divorces and who tended to be sweet on her even when he had a ring on his finger) and gives some sob story about catching her brother being abused by some queer child predator and oh its all her fault she thought she could trust him but he was using her to get to her brother and boo fucking hoo so the sheriff and his son (who'd held Emi down a year prior with a few other ex-lovers of Anne's and fucked him senseless, funny enough) ride down and catch Em and this guy together and drag the guy out the house.

Em gets a front-row seat to the guy beaten within an inch of his life, all while Annemarie makes a big show of fussing over him, wailing about how she's so sorry she didn't know how could this have happened oh her poor baby brother, whispering in his ear that this is all his fucking fault because it is, isn't it, if he hadn't have spread his legs a man wouldn't be choking on his own blood in the dirt. "It's my job to protect you, Emi, I'm just doing my job..."

And oh the mental fuckery about Nathan being at risk? Oh, oh, ohhhhh delicious, Em would be torn between keeping Nathan at arm's length and clinging to him.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Fascinating. They usually cut jealousy scenes to a minimum or don't show at all even in pure BL genre, like Lan Wangji (esp Wen Ning thing) or Shen Wei being extremely possessive, bc it can't be explained by brotherhood in their opinion. It's also the reason it was cut from Ultimate. So why here suddenly add scenes like that and with such heavy focus is a mystery, since you've said it's not in the novel. It's not even reasonable jealousy, its just straight up "cant touch my piece of pizza" stuff

Hmm... never thought about it. LOL in the anime the kept LZ being jealous of Wen Ning though xD. Idk in "Sleuth of the Ming" they made a whole open scene out of it. What I've noticed is that their censorship always works differently, and some choices never cease to surprise me, as in who decides what's ok and whats not, bc idk... I understand that stuff like dying for each other, touching, staring can be by many seen as a touching bromance technically, I mean I've seen many ppl watching even cencored BL and being completely oblivious. But there are sometimes some stuff included, that I personally do not get how it can be interpreted as "close friends" and how it passed the censorship. And I do not mean here sucking out poisons, for example (bc I would've done this for my close friends if they were in danger haha).

I'm just judging from the point of view of like me and my sister being very close to the point of a person on the street asking us if we're lesbians lmao (I like still don't get where it came from, hand holding?xD). As I've said before, I guess I see why some ppl who don't have close friends or family would consider some closeness as romantic (since both close bros and couple do some things like spooning for example), but anyone who like saw idk bts members or have a super close bestie or sibling might know that hugging each other to sleep, wearing their clothes or feeding them a jelly bean if their hands are busy doesn't always mean you have any romance there going on, speaking from my expierience, so I just have different view on this "gay stuff vs bro stuff". (like to me the afterlife pingxie scene is actually gayer than any touching they've done, bc like why he didn't see his family or iron triangle whole if they all bros). It's just there are a LOOOT of things that can be indeed considered bro stuff technically (they might not be, but they could), but there is some stuff that just cannot be explained by we're bros, thats all. And this kind of jealousy is one of them.

Bc like a bit of jealousy like "my bestie wanted to go skating with their lover instead of me, so I'm upset we don't spend as much time together" can exist, but if you have problems with someone hitting on your friend, checking him out or even touching him and you don't want them to date anybody, that's another thing, that just means you wanna date them. Wu Xie can hug Fatty to sleep and they can slap each other's butts like me and my sis, but he'd never be jealous seeing someone flirting with him or smth. You know what I mean here? So I get why it's in most situations considered not censorship appropriate and it's cut.

But the most funny thing about the "him being unreasonably jealous" added scenes is the fact that like they actually chose to make him being absurdly jealous. Bc for example in the first version of the scene, Pangzi was trying to dance with Xiaoge, thats why Wu Xie got all worked up:

it was at least somewhat understandable. But in the actual scene from the drama they went and for some reason changed it. Xiaoge pulled Pangzi in, bc he lost direction while being blind, but it was still Pangzi who got reprimanded for that at the end lmao

so it just became even more hilarious, bc Pangzi just grazed him, he didn't even do anything, so I was like will this guy just calm the fuck down, but no, he kept going lolz

I'm just surprised about some of their deliberate choices I guess. So I agree, weird it is.

But Reboot in general was weird, when it comes to the rollercoaster of their choices lmao. They uncensored, then used censorship to uncensor, then censored to cover, its just the first time I saw this weird kind of censorship, like as long as girls are there, jokes like "I won't be able to get it up on a woman" are okay??????? Idk they were just extremely out there almost each episode with all kinds of stuff, that by the end I was like... well, at this point its already pointless. I guess it was just the first time, I've seen it made in such weird way and actually used in a smart way fitted with the character and no just for the sake of it. Adding a scene when he accidentally calls his in their opinion potential love interest his bro's name is actually uncensoring, not censoring, you know what I mean? (since we in fact didn't move anywhere near this realization in the book). Same as what many noticed about them openly making fun of censorship and "out of nowhere appeared feelings and how its not love and whats wrong with idolization if u don't know a person" after NPSS interviews and how it only made everyone fall for what pingxie have more. So it was like... I actually for the first time enjoyed it. It was a pretty genius way of showing Wu Xie's weird internal struggles from that book, which I thought were not possible to show. Bc as you know he's hilariously oblivious there about all of it and same as WWX for example do not even consider such possibility. But I think it's just bc it's not actual BL BL, it's a story where a couple naturally accidentaly came together and turned out to be both guys (even tho one was initially intende to be a girl xD), so its in general complicated. Wu Xie is just borderline lost at this point xD. It's like "Yeah, I want him... What do you mean as in dating? Whats that?". Or like:

- Want a wife?

- No, I want Xiaoge.

- As in you're gay?

- What's a gay?

That's basically how he rolls.

But I do love jealous Wu Xie, I think it's hilarious here, he's like somehow complitely okay with how idiotic he looks and that's very sweet haha.

P.S. "can't touch my piece of pizza" lmaoo well Xiaoge does look very delicious like Black Glasses says xD

P.P.S. all in all I really do not get how their censorship works in general at all. Like why Wangxian wedding bows were allowed, but other stuff don't? Or like I get like complimenting your bestie "you look hot in this" or "you're so pretty" or smth, but there's a difference between this and saying that their "lips look sweet"... like thats already another thing entirely. So at times I watch cdramas like... huh??? Maybe it depends on who checks it idk

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Emotional

(Lyric free vers.)

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 1800ish

Content warnings - light angst, lots of cuddles and comfort

Prompt/inspiration - anon request, based on “Emotional” by Diana DeGarmo

Summary - After a terrible day at RAD, you hide out in your room while Mammon tries to figure out what’s wrong.

AO3

NOTE - My husband reads all my stories, and as soon as he finished this one he immediately told me the pacing was bad because of the lyrics. Which, man, harsh 😭. But that’s what he’s there for - to give me feedback even if I might not want to hear it. So here’s a second copy of the same story, just with the lyrics removed. ☺️ You can find the original version here.

Today had been a long day. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but for whatever reason, anytime someone so much as looked at you funny, you felt like crying. The voices in your head whispering to you that they were watching you, judging you.

Mammon had tried on several occasions to pull you aside, but you successfully managed to slip away each time. Normally you were so grateful for his company, but today you just knew that if he asked you if you were okay you were going to lose it.

And you absolutely did not want to lose it in the middle of RAD.

You flopped onto your bed, now in the safety of your room, curling up on yourself and pulling your comforter around you. Finally you were able to let out all the stress that had been holding onto. And just as you started to cry, a loud KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on your door shocked you back to your senses.

“Hey, open up! You’ve been avoidin’ me all day.”

It was Mammon.

Not even taking a moment to think about what you actually wanted, you snapped at him.

“GO AWAY.”

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. Your tone was sharper than you had intended, but not only that, you didn’t really want him to leave. Part of you wanted him to wrap you up in one of his hugs and just hold you while you fell to pieces in his arms. However, you learned a long time ago that only babies cried. If you were strong, you wouldn’t cry so much. That crying was a burden on and an annoyance to everyone around you.

The silence that followed made your heart break. You couldn’t tell if you were more sad at the idea that you had hurt Mammon’s feelings or more hurt that he seemed to have just left you without even trying to figure out what’s wrong. If he cared, surely he would have been more persistent, right? And you knew that was a ridiculous thing to think, manipulative even, but you couldn’t help those feelings that coiled around your heart.

Resolving to spending the evening alone, you laid back down, curling up as small as possible once again. As your thoughts wandered, and your tears fell, you slowly started to drift off to sleep. You didn’t notice when your bedroom door opened. You didn’t notice the smell of hot chocolate wafting into your room. And you didn’t notice the dip in your mattress as someone climbed in beside you.

In fact, it wasn’t until you felt an arm slip around your waist and a kiss on the exposed skin of your neck that you finally started to become aware of what was going on around you.

“Hey,” Mammon whispered as he settled down in your bed, spooning you from behind.

Your breath hitched, and you felt your body stiffen involuntarily. Why was he here? Had he seen your face? Did he know you had been crying? Tears silently slipped down your face again as you started to panic internally. What was he going to say when he realized?

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere until ya tell me what’s wrong.”

“I...umm…” you wanted to answer him. Make an excuse. Offer some sort of rational explanation for why you were hiding in your room and had been avoiding him all day. Something told you just saying “there’s something in my eye” wasn’t going to fool him.

“Tch, always gotta be so difficult,” Mammon said. You felt his arms release you as he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. If you thought you had been anxious before when he was laying beside you, it was nothing compared to the feeling of him leaving, with the words “difficult” echoing in your ears.

“Here. Sit up.”

But before your thoughts got to turn too dark, Mammon was sitting beside you again. Poking you with his elbow as he nudged you in the back. So surprised were you to find that he was still there and hadn’t left, you turned around immediately to look at him.

Despite his dark skin tone, you could tell he was blushing, and even if you couldn’t, his refusal to look at you would have been more than enough to confirm that he was feeling embarrassed. Your gaze slowly traveled downward until it landed on the tray he was holding in his outstretched hands.

“What’s this?” you asked, puzzled at why Mammon was offering you a mug of hot chocolate, and what appeared to be...cookies…? Only they were slightly burnt, and you weren’t sure you recognized the ingredients he had added in lieu of chocolate chips.

“What’s it look like? I had some extra and thought you might want some. But if ya don’t appreciate it…”

Not wanting to discourage Mammon, you quickly sat up, wiping whatever tears remained on your face away, and took the tray from him.

“...thanks.”

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye as you studied his gift, smirking at your response.

Once you were situated with your back against your headboard, you placed the tray in your lap and Mammon sat down beside you. He grabbed his mug of hot chocolate, taking a sip as he waited for your reaction. He was pretty impressed with the results of his baking skills, and was certain the treats would put a smile on your face.

You reached for one of the cookies, a soft smile playing on your lips as you took a bite.

“So? How was it? Good right?”

When you didn’t answer, Mammon gave you another nudge with his arm.

“Right?”

Without a word, you returned the cookie to your plate, picking up the cup of hot chocolate instead, taking a deep gulp in an attempt to cleanse your palate.

“Mammon...honey...that was awful…” you looked at him over the rim of your mug, taking another deep swallow. At least the hot chocolate was delicious.

“Whattya talkin’ about?! They’re perfect!” Mammon replied, quick to shove what remained of your first cookie into his mouth. You continued to watch him while sipping on your beverage, slowly now that the initial foul aftertaste seemed to have been gone.

You tried your best to hide the smile that was threatening to spread over your whole face as Mammon froze mid bite, glancing at the plate of cookies, then at you, then back to the cookies, before finally chugging down what remained of his own mug of hot chocolate, desperate to rid his mouth of every last crumb.

When his mug emptied, you offered him your own, laughing at his reaction.

“Shaddup,” he snapped, eagerly taking the cup from you and polishing off its contents. But he wasn’t mad. Not at all. He was relieved and overjoyed to see you smiling again, interacting with him and no longer pushing him away.

When he finished what remained of your drink, he took the tray from you, sitting it on the floor beside your bed, before turning back to you and wrapping you up in a tight hug. Now much more relaxed than you had been, you wrapped your arms around his waist, returning the gesture and burying your face in his chest.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“It's fine. Don’t worry about it,” he reassured you, “Are ya gonna tell me what happened now?”

You nodded against him, tightening your arms around him as you clung to him.

“I just...I don’t know...had a bad day, I guess. Everything made me just want to cry. And I know it’s ridiculous. I’m an adult. I should…”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Huh?”

“With cryin’. What’s wrong with that? Ain’t ya the one that told me it was ok to let it all out?” Mammon had leaned back now, resting against your headboard, pulling you up against himself as he began to rub your back, pressing an occasional kiss to your forehead.

“I...uh...well, I just...I’ve always been told I cry too much. I’m too emotional. Like little things that wouldn’t bother anyone, upset me. And I didn’t want to annoy you...so I…”

“Dummy. I dunno know why you’d think I’d feel that way. You never act like that with me.”

Mammon gave you a reassuring squeeze, and yet another kiss to the top of your head. All you could do in response was hold him tighter, pulling your legs up so that you were practically sitting in his lap by now.

You weren’t sure why it hadn’t occurred to you before. You honestly never saw the connection. And if you stopped and thought about it, Mammon had easily cried more times in front of you since you had arrived in the Devildom than you had cried at all (in public or private) during your stay.

You always reassured him, and comforted him. You never laughed at him, or thought for one second that he was a burden for opening up to you. In fact, you never felt more loved than when he would let you see that sensitive, emotional, side to himself because you knew how much it meant that he trusted you.

Why did you ever think he wouldn’t treat you with the same love and care you had always shown him?

[spike-and-faye]

Hello, I require your infinite wisdom please!! :O So I just finished cowboy bebop and I am so confused like who the fuck was Julia. WHAT was Faye's past. I literally never process tv shows and the bebop was not immune to my stupidity LMAO like... I guess the ending just really confused me, from what I gathered Spike and Vicious were friends? But then they weren't? And Julia dated Vicious but also Spike? And he? Went after Vicious even after Julia had died? I am Confusion. Please help. Thank u...

Oh BABEY I am so glad you asked! :) Be prepared for a long answer and I apologize in advance for how incoherent it will probably be.

ALSO Please note: this show is fucking complicated. I have watched it all the way through several times a year, every single year, for over a decade now, and I am *STILL* finding new shit every time I watch it. It's packed with symbols, motifs, allusions and underlying themes that are just so rich. It is so extraordinarily well-written that it could give a lot of classic literature a run for its money. I'm literally working on an in depth literary/film analysis my husband lovingly calls my Manifesto on the series right now. SO PLEASE don't beat yourself up about not catching everything on the first go round.

HEY BTW for anyone who hasn't finished the show, please know there will be MANY spoilers ahead!

Anyways ~

1.     Spike / Julia / Vicious:

The information we get on Spike's past, including Vicious and Julia, is pretty limited considering how big of an impact they have on the story. We get our first glimpse in Session 1: Asteroid Blues, then again in Session 5: Ballad of Fallen Angels, Sessions 12 + 13: Jupiter Jazz, and Sessions 25 + 26: Real Folk Blues. I recommend reviewing these episodes for you Julia and Vicious fix.

What we know:

Spike and Vicious were both members of an organized crime syndicate called the Red Dragons, which is roughly analogous to the Yakuza or the Mafia. Their positions in the organization are not clear, but there are some images alluding to them being hitmen, and they likely rose up in the ranks as they were close acquaintances of Mao Yenrai, a Capo of the Red Dragon.

Spike and Vicious were close comrades. Spike taught Vicious everything he knew about fighting, and the two had a deep trust in each other. Which Spike fucked up ….

^^Vicious looks hot asf here

Julia was Vicious' lover/girlfriend. One night in 2068 (three years prior to the time we watch in the Bebop) Spike is injured, presumably from a syndicate-related fight and he passes out in front of her door. She takes him in and nurses him back to health and he SIMPS HARD for her. We’re all but told he's in LOVE love with her. They start an affair, and Spike tells her he's ready to abandon the whole life - the syndicate, Vicious, Mao, all of it - and they could run away together.

WELL Vicious finds out about this whole affair, and is DOUBLY betrayed because his literal best friend and girlfriend have been having an affair, and tbh I think he was just as jealous of Spike's attentions as he was of Julia's. (Whether or not it’s a sexual thing for Spike … well … I have my own headcanons about that). SO when he finds out they're going to run away together, he gives Julia an ultimatum: you can either kill him, or I'll just kill you both. Spike had written her a letter about meeting him in the graveyard to start their new life together, which she tears up to hide his location from Vicious. (This is the falling ripped up pieces of paper we see in Spike's flash back in Session 5).

^^ r/gifsyoucanhear

**NOTE: There are those who disagree with this view, (looking at you Cowboy Bebop wiki) instead suggesting Vicious and Spike were buds in the past, but then hated each other once they were both considered as potential successors to Mao. That's why Vicious wanted him dead, and he was enlisting Julia (who he didn't necessarily have a romantic connection to) to help kill Spike since he knew Spike loved her. Personally, I think there is plenty of evidence that Vicious also wanted Julia, and in fact was already with her, when Spike started seeing her. If you want me to cite my sources please send an me an ask about it :)

Spike gets the idea, whether by her just not showing up or word around the syndicate being like YO Vicious wants you dead. Despite Vicious' ultimatum to Julia, he was gunna kill Spike either way. SO he sets up an ambush, and SadBoy™ Spike walks intentionally into their trap. Somehow, he doesn't die, though the entire syndicate thinks he did. (Note Annie's reaction to seeing him alive in Session 5). It’s also implied that this is where he lost his eye.

HIS EYE - possibly the most important symbol in the show so I do have to mention it. In episode 26, he explicitly explains to Faye that one of his eyes only sees the past. (PS this isn't dissimilar to Jet's arm… we can get into that another time). Basically, he's constantly living halfway in the past and halfway in the present, and describes the past like a dream he can never wake up from. Because dysfunctional or not - the syndicate WAS his family. (Again - see his relationship with Annie, Mao, and Vicious (prior to Spike's betrayal)). It's his reminder that Julia didn't run away with him, and that he'd left behind that life for her. (He didn’t know she was being threatened until the final episode). Basically Spike is hyper-fixated on what he had and what could've been.

Not long after this, Spike starts bounty hunting because like? What else is he going to do. He doesn't care if he lives or dies but if he has to be alive, he may as well be able to eat. He joins up with Jet Black on the Bebop.

TL; DR: Spike stole Vicious' lover, Julia, so Vicious made Julia choose between her killing Spike or Vicious killing them both. She instead went into hiding and Spike thought he'd been stood up. He fake died and got the hell outta dodge.

2.     What was Faye's past?

Ok let me start by saying Faye is my wife and my life. HOWEVER I hated her the first time I watched this show circa age 13 because I thought she was annoying/vain/shallow (also because #internalizedmisogyny lol am I right fam). Good news! She is all those things! But she's also very lonely and scared and an amnesiac and secretly a sweetie and she realizes she loves the crew of the Bebop like family.

SO my wife's backstory:

she was born in the 1990s (#only90skidsremember). There's some debate over her race/nationality, but due to the images of her hanging out in Merlion Park in Singapore, my bet is that she's Singaporean. She comes from a wealthy family with a big house, and we see some utterly *adorable* film of her as a child/young adolescent in Session 18: Speak Like a Child. I cry everytime </3

^^ Holla for the representation

In 2014, circa age 20, she and her parents were going into space when the shuttle they were on had some kind of malfunction/accident and it killed an unknown number of people, including her parents. At the time, the technology didn’t exist to be able to save her, so she was put into a cryogenic sleep state. Meanwhile, the Lunar Gate accident occurs, breaking up the moon and causing rock showers on Earth's surface. Most people died, moved to Mars, or settled underground.

She wakes up from her cryogenic sleep in 2068. (Also the year Spike leaves the syndicate.) She's 'woken' by the corrupt Dr. Bacchus who plans on charging her for the years and years of medical debt she's accrued. (See Session 15: My Funny Valentine.) Luckily a lawyer takes interest in her case (Whitney Haggus Matsumoto) and tries to help get rid of her debt. The two fall in love, but turns out Whitney is a Scumbag. He's actually Dr. Bacchus's nephew, and faked his death, writing Faye as the sole inheritor to his will. This means she'll take on all his debts. So baby girl has LOTS of debt at this point.

In the intervening years prior to her joining the Bebop, she gambles, cheats, gains a lot of street smarts, and adopts a very seductive character to get her way. She joins the crew on the Bebop in Session 3: Honky Tonk Women.

TL;DR: Faye is Austin powers

YIKES this is so long I am so sorry. Bitches are obsessed with this show. (I am bitches)

3.     The Ending

Okay I'm going to present this in the way, in my scholarly opinion, would be correct, though there are SO many interpretations other than simply 'Spike died :/".

To understand the plot of the last couple episodes we actually have to go back to Session 5: Mao is instructed* to sign a treaty with a rival syndicate called the White Tigers. (*He's instructed by The Van (Council of identical creepy old men) who are the actual head of the dragon. I think we only see them in Session 26.) Well - Vicious is a Bastard Man and he and his fellow mutineers blow up the White Tiger guys' ship and slit Mao's throat. Before he dies, Mao is like "Gotdamnit if Spike was still here this shit wouldn't have happened." Later in the Cathedral battle, Vicious explains to Spike he killed Mao because Mao 'lost his fangs'. He planned on killing Spike for good her, IMO, so there'd be no rival to take over as Capo for the Dragons.

^^These guys are The Van btw

THEN in Session 25, the Van basically catches Vicious and is like “you killed Mao and now you have to go to Time Out.” The Van also decides to just kill everyone associated with Vicious, just 2 B safe. That's why there's a big ass shootout at the Loser Bar where Jet and Spike are chilling, drinking, (missing Faye and Ed and Ein lol) and Shin (younger brother to Lin, who's helping Vicious overthrow the Dragon) explains all this to Spike. OH and PS JULIA IS ALIVE AND HERE IS HER LOCATION :). (**Notice Spike's reaction at this point is different than his reaction in Jupiter Jazz when he hears there's a Julia on Calisto. Much less excited… hmm…).

SO THEN you know we get some flashbacks of the past as previously explained *and* Julia just happens to run into Faye. She recognizes that Faye is one of Spike's friends from the Bebop (she was keeping tabs on him it seems) and picks her up. Faye doesn't know who Julia is but is like damn bitch I'm a little gay for you. (I mean … that may just be my bi ass projecting, but Faye is REALLY struck with her. Look at how she describes her to Jet, I mean come on.)

 Faye's like, 'we should team up' and Julia says 'no thanks but also tell Spike to meet me at *the place*'. Meanwhile back on the Bebop Spike and Jet are talking and Spike goes on about some dream woman who was his other half. (We assume he means Julia … I have my reasons to doubt this … I have a lot of angry DMs about my opinion here lol but I just do not give a fuck (: I can expand on this in another post or you can refer to the title of my fucking blog haha) Personally, I think Watanabe personally left this specific scene open ended, the same way he does with the ending and various other things.

more like SIMP Spiegel

ANYWAY Faye comes back to the Bebop to tell Spike about Julia, and Jet gets intel from a former cop buddy that there's some shit going down with the Dragons. (Again, the Van is hunting down everyone ever associated with Vicious, including your pal Spike). Bebop is attacked, Faye tells Spike what's up with Julia, and he heads out.

 PAN TO VICIOUS chained up - about to be executed - but what's that!? It's a bird!? It's a pla- no it's just a bird. (With one glowing red eye … hm … reminds me of Spike, also the drug Red Eye. Pls let me know if you have any thoughts on this). Just a bird with a BOMB! Explosion (RIP bird c. 2065 - too soon), Vicious kills the elders, his buddies show up and are ready to go fuck shit up.

this show could not be more of an aesthetic

MMMPhhh okay RAINY CEMETERY. Spike and Julia. She draws a gun, explains why she didn't meet him that day, and then hugs him. Now Spike is not *great* at showing his emotions but he literally just stands there. Maybe it's a stoic expression of how sad he is that he never knew she still cared, when it seemed like she dumped him. Maybe he's finally getting some closure on his past. Maybe the past doesn't mean the same thing it used to. (I'll elaborate later on this).

They go to Annie's to get stocked up on stuff, she lets them know she denied knowing Spike was still alive and hey also the Van was assassinated by Vicious and his guys so. Watch out for that. Then her shop is surrounded by Vicious' guys and she dies :(. Spike and Julia escape to the roof, but she's shot and dies in Spike's arms, and says 'it's all just a dream' :(. (Refer to: Spike living in a dream of the past).

Anyway Jet SAID he wasn't gunna go after Spike but. Jet's parental instincts kick in (oh yeah he was shot in the leg earlier btw) and he goes to Sitting Bull to see if he knows where Spike is. He basically says yeah Spike's about to die somewhere. (I want to do a further analysis on all the Sitting Bull scenes.) Well conveniently Spike returns to the Bebop, eats, tells his story about a tiger-striped cat. (At one point Jet asks if he's going there for her, and Spike is like well she's dead now so whatever). THEN we get to the scene where Faye is like HEY YOU CAN'T GO OFF AND DIE ASSHOLE and he's like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I 've been living in the past so I might as well see if I'm living now. (**This will play heavily into my interpretation of the ending). Faye is pissed, shoots the ceiling and he goes off to the syndicate headquarters to fuck shit up.

He basically John Wicks his way through the building, Shin dies, he and Vicious have the big boss battle and whatnot. He kills Vicious and stumbles back out down the stairs and says "Bang!" and collapses. We pan to the sky and see a star fade away.

Well that explains the plot … now here's what I think happened!!! ALSO may I mention, anon - you picked up on something I feel like a lot of people miss out on. Why *did* Spike go back to kill Vicious if Julia was already dead??

Basically, once it became clear that anyone associated with Vicious was being killed, Spike knew they'd hunt him down, and they weren't beneath Kill-Billing their way to him, (i.e. systematically destroying this companions to get to him). And for all his apparent indifference - he really loves his new found family. Jet is literally like an older brother to him. Ed is a little sister. Ein is well … a very good boy. And Faye? Well the relationship is complicated, and I'm not going to get into the 69,420 reasons I ship them here, but I think it is beyond argument that he really does care for her, even if that just in a filial way. He didn't want the syndicates to kill them for their association to him, or in order to get to him. So he did what he had to do to protect them. *AND NO* I am not saying that he didn't love Julia. But it was clear that his desire was no longer to run away with her. I think he genuinely loved and cared about her, but at some point between Jupiter Jazz Pt 2 and now, he accepted that their time together was over. Now he had a new raison d'etre, which is the Bebop.

I think at this point Spike has 'woken up' to reality (as he implied to Faye in their final conversation in episode 26: "Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality...I thought I was watching a dream that I would never awaken from. Before I knew it, the dream was all over." (This is from the sub btw I'm too lazy to look up the dub transcript.) He wasn't going there to die, he's going to find out if he's really alive. This line is fucking cool and everything - but it's implications are multitude. I won't go into them all here but basically : what makes him alive now is that he's free from his past. He's alive because he has this new family and protecting them is all he really wants now. Spike was protecting Jet, Faye, Ed, (and Ein) by going and facing the entire syndicate, knowing that their lives would all be in danger.

SO - did Spike die? Well again - Watanabe has purposely and artfully left this open ended. Well, if we're following the symbolism from Sitting Bull, then yeah, the man is as dead as disco, and wouldn't that be a fitting ending? BUT at the same time, Spike always refers to having 'died' before (meaning when he was ambushed by the syndicate, and they all thought he died, and he pretty much did). Don't forget that in  movie (takes places roughly between episodes 22 + 23, and yes, was made AFTER the series but whatever) he like .. DIES dies. He goes to the afterlife and everything. He wakes up to find he's chilling with Sitting Bull, who's like nah it wasn't your time to die yet. So the fact Sitting Bull confirms Spike will die in the final episode, means yeah, Spike is pretty much dead.

BUT -- okay now hear me out -- could this death in the final episode be a death to his previous life? The person he was in the syndicate? Now that he's extinguished the Red Dragons for good, is it not possible that its merely *that* life which has ended? That's the optimist in me saying that, but if it keeps me from staying up all night crying, I guess it'll have to do. Watanabe definitely wants to leave it up to the viewer, so whatever you think, I feel like there's validity to it.

WELL any anon, sorry for the fucking lecture - and believe me, I could've said MUCH, MUCH more - but I enjoyed this question. I always love talking about this show so please all you fuckers feel free to message me or send an ask about anything any time. I am really slow at replying because #life'sAbitch.

Love you all.

SY,SCB <3