High Maintenance 101
Prissy Girl Beauty Regimens 🎀
my prissy girl guide to beauty services and building a beauty lifestyle that fits you 💗
Skincare:
Essential Skincare Routine ❤︎︎
twice daily, in the morning and at night
daytime: gentle cleanser, toner, serum, eye cream, moisturizer, SPF
prep and protect skin
nighttime: double cleansing with oil and cleanser, exfoliation, treatments, moisturizer
wash away the day and help skin accept treatments and actives during your beauty sleep
products will change depending on skin type and goals, but sequence will more or less stay the same
Face Masks + Treatments ❤︎︎
Face Masks -
typically done at home 1-3x/week
clay, gel, mud, cream, liquid
my fav masks at home:
aha + bha liquid mask by the ordinary: a literal overhaul of my pores. it’s refining and helps reduce texture and hyperpigmentation. 1-2 x/week
korean modeling mask: i use this after doing everything in my routine. it’s super cooling and smooths my skin out. the low temp of the mask reduces flushing of my skin and helps the steps in my routine absorb better. 2-3 x/week
Treatments -
done either 1-3x/week and/or exclusively at night
consumer grade Retinols, AHAs, BHAs at high strength
little extra things i like to use to enhance my routine:
gua sha, ice pack, rose quartz roller, however often i choose
Facials ❤︎︎
done every 1-2 months by licensed estheticians
often includes exfoliation and extraction
Classic Facial: cleanse, extract, massage, moisturize
HydraFacials: extracts pores while infusing serums to boost skin’s vitamin and nutrient content
dry, dehydrated skin
Microdermabrasion: microabrasive tool removes outermost, textured, damaged layer of skin using suction to reveal a smooth and refined new layer of skin
sun damaged, aged, textured skin or skin with hyperpigmentation
Chemical Peel: application of medical grade AHA, BHA, Lactic Acid, Fruit Enzymes, or Retinol to peel away top layers of skin over the course of 1-2 weeks
pore refining, brightening, and anti-aging
after care is crucial. skin will be peeling and sensitivity to sun is increased. SPF MUST be used. it’s heavily advised that clients stay home for the first few days.
HydroJelly Facial: facial made of electrolytes, algae, organic white grain oat flour, rice flour, and white willow bark powder. leaving your skin hydrated, plump, and nourished. forms a vacuum-like seal that compresses facial contours.
there are 25 different hydrojelly pro masks for most skin concerns you may have, check here
More Facials ❤︎︎
Contouring Facial: sculpting, tightening, and lifting of facial muscles
LED Facial: uses LED light to soothe inflammation, aiding in acne healing and prevention
Vampire Facial: plumps skin and improves wrinkles by extracting blood, removing its platelets, then either re-injecting it into the skin or applying it topically
Diamond File Facial: finely ground diamonds resurface skin by filing to improve dark spots
Glass Skin Botox: multiple tiny botox injections just below the surface of the skin. alleviate fine lines, redness, texture, and more achieving glass skin
AquaGold Facial: microinjections that combine vampire facial methods, hyaluronic acid, botox, stem cells, antioxidants, vitamins, peptides, etc. improves fine lines, wrinkles, pores, pigmentation, acne scarring, dryness, tone, texture, skin elasticity, and more
cite
Hair:
Hair Care ❤︎︎
Wash Routines:
curly textured: wash and condition every 2-3 weeks, deep condition every 1-2 weeks
straight: wash and condition every 2-3 days, deep condition every 2-3 weeks
Styling ︎❤︎︎
Hair should have a style everyday! At home hairstyling is limitless and really depends on your taste and lifestyle. The everyday woman does her own her once every 1-4 weeks using natural hair products, heat, or other tools.
Professional Stylists:
hair is styled every 1-3 months: uses heat to straighten or curl, extensions to lengthen and add volume, shears to maintain/attain a shape and length
trim ends: every 6-8 weeks
hair color: touched up roughly every 6-8 weeks (depending on how fast your hair is growing and how fast your color will fade)
Silk Press:
after a clarifying wash and deep conditioning, natural hair is straightened using flat iron and/or pressing comb, then usually curled in feathers or pin curls to preserve the style
lasts 3-4 weeks depending on maintenance
preserved by wrapping hair at night, keep hands out of hair, and using a wide toothed comb only
can be further styled with different kind of rollers, or with pin curls
Braids:
afrocentric hairstyles typically done to protect hair while maintaining beauty
lasts 3-8 weeks
styles include knotless braids, faux locs, stitch braids, french braids, etc
Extensions:
hair added to natural hair to enhance length or volume
can be done at home with patience and proper materials
sew-in extensions: (my personal fav) 1-2 months
your natural hair gets braided down flush to your scalp and the bundles are sewn on by the wefts in a flat pattern typically with a section of hair left out to cover the wefts $100-600
microlinks: up to 4 months
i-tip extension is added to hair using micropliers, clippers and loop tool. takes far longer than most extension methods but looks the absolute most natural $500-1000
tape-in extensions: up to a year, touch ups every 4-6 weeks
medical grade tape is used to attach extensions to small sections of hair $200-400
clip-in extensions: 3-6 months
extensions are clipped on by the wefts. the hair itself can last up to six months, but it’s not recommended to sleep, shower, or swim with the extensions in $50-100
Natural Styles:
all last roughly 1-2 weeks at most. allowing hair to completely DRY is crucial for these styles. your natural hair can be further changed in styles like buns, puffs, etc once dry
natural hair essentials: scalp oil, leave in conditioner, detangling brush, wide tooth comb, curling cream, styling gel, edge control and edge brush
wash n’ go
wash and detangle, then use leave in conditioner to keep hair moist. oil on the scalp and ends is recommended for growth and healthy ends
bantu knots
a traditionally african style where the hair is cleanly sectioned (usually parted in a cute pattern) and twisted into knots. style can be worn just like this or taken down for curls
braid/twist out
a specific pattern of curls is achieved after hair is twisted or braided with curl preserving products. end result depends on how big your twists or braids are
roller set
hair is sprayed with water and curl cream applied before roller of your choice is added. hair is left to dry usually overnight for springy well formed curls
Brows and Lashes:
Brow Shaping ❤︎︎
in salon or at home
Waxing - every 3 weeks
Threading- every 2-3 weeks
Razor Shaping - weekly
Brow Enhancement ❤︎︎
Tinting - monthly
can be done at home or by pro in the salon
Microblading - every 1-3 years + annual touch ups, exclusively professional work
cosmetic tattooing using a manual tool with nearly invisible hair-like needles to inject pigment in brows to create your desired brow look
Lash Enhancements ❤︎︎
*done exclusively by professionals
Lifts - every 6 weeks
basically a perm for your lashes to curl them semi-permanently for lashes to appear longer
Lash Extensions - new set every 6-8 weeks, fill ins every 2-3 weeks depending on quality and style
false individual strands of lashes glued to natural lashes to create semi-permanent length and/or volume
lash baths: wet lashes and apply a small amount of gentle cleanser or a “lash bath” to lashes. cleanse lashes and eyelids for about 10 seconds. hold a towel under your eye and use a nozzle bottle to flush soap and bacteria from lashes then dry with a disposable lint free towel. finish by brushing your lashes with a spoolie. daily.
Lash Styles:
Classic: one lash on each fan, thin lashes
Volume: fluffier lashes with more lashes on each fan
Hybrid: uses classic and volume lashes to make an alternated look
Russian: volume lashes made with very thin individuals, 5-6 extensions per natural lash, fanned out look
DIY Lash Extensions - lasts about a week (sometimes longer)
lash fragments or individual wisps are glued either under the lashes or on the lash line. KISS Falscara is a product that makes this concept simple and easy
Nails:
all these services can be done at home with the proper materials and KNOWLEDGE
Classic Manicure ❤︎︎
every 1-2 weeks
nail service that consists of soaking hands in warm soapy water then drying them. nails are trimmed, filed, and buffed. cuticles are pushed back before applying nail polish (base coat, color, top coat), then finally cuticle oil is applied.
nails can be enhanced with rhinestones, glitter, or charms and attached with uv gel or nail glue
my fav styles are pink, cream, white, black and any french tip using those colors
Pedicure ❤︎︎
every 2-4 weeks
sister to the classic manicure, but can be upgraded depending on materials. steps are similar to manicure, except feet are scrubbed and exfoliated before feet are washed and dried to apply nail color
regular polish, acrylic, or gel can be used on toenails
Gel or Shellac Mani ❤︎︎
every 2-3 weeks
same process as the classic manicure, but traditional nail polish is replaced with uv base coat, gel or CND Shellac polish, then uv top coat that’s cured in a UV or LED lamp
longer lasting and more strong/3d than classic mani and is typically removed by soaking in acetone
Apres Gel-X Nails ❤︎︎
every 2-3 weeks
my personal fav at home nails using the artme yoko matsuda nails. after doing a classic mani sans polish, you apply a dehydrator and primer to prep nail for gel. then you apply builder gel to your natural nail and cure. then you apply that same builder to the nail extension after etching it using an electric drill or acetone. marry the gel to your nail and cure. then just shape to your liking and top with uv top coat. tutorial here
Acrylic Nails ❤︎︎
every 2-3 weeks, nails are fully grown out after 6 weeks
manicure done with liquid monomer and acrylic powder to build and extend natural nail, then polished with color or just a top coat if desired
Russian Mani ❤︎︎
every 4-5 weeks
essentially a gel manicure, but more invasive. the eponychium is snipped away so polish can be applied more closely and flush to the cuticle. this aids in visuals and longevity
service is seen as risky because the skin is more susceptible to fungal or bacterial infection. this is actually how i do my nails at home.
Body:
Bathing ❤︎︎
2x daily
self explanatory, we all know how to bathe. i have other posts that talk about my shower and bath routines.
use a gentle cleanser then a scented body wash to complement perfume and smell fresh all day.
if needed, you can use body soaps with actives like aha, bha or retinol to exfoliate or treat skin at night
exfoliation - 2-3x/week. using scrubs, loofahs, bath brushes, etc.
Hair Removal ❤︎︎
shaving - 2-3x/week
waxing - every 3-5 weeks
sugaring - monthly
ipl device - a device that uses light therapy to slowly destroy hair follicles and unwanted pigment in skin. i use mine after every 5-6 shaves but i could really use it more often.
Vajacial ❤︎︎
1-2x/month
a “facial” for your lady area
the esthetician will first wax, then cleanse and apply an enzyme exfoliant. then they extract any blackheads or ingrown hairs from the area before applying a soothing mask usually in the jelly form.
Moisture and Hydration ❤︎︎
body cream or lotion - daily right after bathing to hydrate skin
body oil - daily to seal in moisture and protect skin from debris and dryness
masks - weekly to address particular skin concerns
ex. when i was having eczema flare ups on my back, i used a dead sea mud mask every 1-2 weeks to help treat it
done at home or at spa
glycolic, clay, mud, salicylic, etc.
Enhancement Procedures:
the goal is to look younger and balance facial features. all these services are exclusively done by professionals usually in a medspa and are widely considered luxury.
Botox ❤︎︎
every 6-8 months; between brows, smile lines, outer corners of eyes, etc
discourages muscle movement to reduce wrinkles
Lifts ❤︎︎
lasts about 10 years; face, neck, brow, eyelids
skin is lifted to desired look, then excess skin is removed
Fillers ︎❤︎︎
every 6-12 months; under-eye, lips, jawline, wrinkle sites, cheekbones
injects acids (usually naturally occurring) like Hyaluronic Acid and Calcium Hydroxylapatite to add volume to your face
Body Contouring ❤︎︎
every 2-4 months until desired results are achieved
non invasive liposuction to achieve desired physique
CoolSculpting - cryolipolysis freezes fat cells for the body to the metabolize and and remove them
SculpSure - essentially the same as CoolSculpting, but uses heat and laser technology to destroy fat cells
Laser Hair Removal ❤︎︎
every 5-6 weeks; bikini, underarms, legs, arms
touch ups done every 1-2 years
hair growth is inhibited by exposing follicles to light at frequencies that kill them
Building the Regimen 🗒️💕:
when making appointments with your “glam squad” you can stagger your services by week depending on what’s being done. for example you can get your mani and pedi done one week. then your facials, brows and lashes another week.
Things to Keep in Mind 💭💞:
these frequencies won’t be the same for everyone depending on personal wants, budgets, etc. but will most likely land somewhere in the ranges i gave. if you need touch ups or redos any sooner than i mapped out, then the service most likely was of poor quality.
anything done at home may or may not be up to the level of detail and longevity as salon or spa work. if you see yourself doing the majority of your beauty maintenance at home, this can save money but may end up taking more time than professional services. so it’s a give and take.
More Resources:
manage your routines, services and products using a beauty binder
a look at my skincare routine
at home beauty treatments for the summer
my hair care routine at home
pretty on purpose by @shefromhouston
monthly beauty routine by @angeljpg
dream girl routines by me
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When The World Is Crashing Down [Chapter 5: Turn Off The Lights And Turn Off The Shyness]
Series summary: Your family is House Celtigar, one of Rhaenyra’s wealthiest allies. In the aftermath of Rook’s Rest, Aemond unknowingly conscripts you to save his brother’s life. Now you are in the liar of the enemy, but your loyalties are quickly shifting…
Chapter warnings: Language, warfare, Otto being the worst (per usual), violence, serious injury, cryptic Helaena prophecies, alcoholism/addiction, references to sexual content including noncon (18+), dragons, demented flirting, a late-night surprise, Larys Strong returns. 😞
Series title is a lyric from: “7 Minutes In Heaven” by Fall Out Boy.
Chapter title is a lyric from: “Of All The Gin Joints In All The World” by Fall Out Boy.
Word count: 6.3k.
Link to chapter list: HERE.
Taglist (more in comments): @tinykryptonitewerewolf @lauraneedstochill @not-a-glad-gladiator @daenysx @babyblue711 @arcielee @at-a-rax-ia @bhanclegane @jvpit3rs @padfooteyes @marvelescvpe @travelingmypassion @darkenchantress @yeahright0h @poohxlove @trifoliumviridi @bloodyflowerrr @fan-goddess @devynsficrecs @flowerpotmage @thelittleswanao3 @seabasscevans @hiraethrhapsody @libroparaiso @echos-muses @st-eve-barnes @chattylurker @lm-txles @vagharnaur @moonlightfoxx @storiumemporium @insabecs @heliosscribbles @beautifulsweetschaos @namelesslosers @partnerincrime0 @burningcoffeetimetravel-fics @marbles-posts @imsolence @maidmerrymint @backyardfolklore @nimaharchive @anxiousdaemon @under-the-aspen-tree @amiraisgoingthruit @dd122004dd @randomdragonfires @jetblack4real @joliettes
Let me know if you’d like to be tagged! 🥰💜
The sun would burn him, but moonlight is kind. You’re on the balcony of Aegon’s bedchamber, two chairs, two cups of wine, another full pitcher on the table between you, a glass bottle of warm rose oil like amber, like gold, freckled with curled ruby petals. You’re dressed in your usual attire, simple designs and neutral colors, greys and creams and dusky pinks; tonight your gown is a flat, inky blue that matches the night sky. Aegon is wearing his unpretentious cotton trousers—stained with splotches of pomegranate juice, his recompense before you allowed him the wine—and a tiny braid in his shaggy, silver hair.
“I look like your house’s sigil,” Aegon says as he massages rose oil onto his forearms, his palms moving in large sloppy circles over a patchwork of scar tissue; you would do a better job, but he says he wants to learn how to care for his wounds on his own. His dragon ring—gold wings, jade eyes—gleams in the cool, ghostly moonshine. His words are teasing, but his tone is dark, troubled, weary. “Some red, some white. All ugly.”
You smile. You aren’t agreeing, just playing along. “Our motto is better than our flag.”
“I might have been inebriated during that lesson.”
“Perpetual Resurrection.”
Aegon looks at you, confounded. “Quite the mouthful.”
“Crabs molt throughout their lifetime. They crack their own skins open and climb out. If they get stuck, they die. If they get attacked before their new shell hardens, they die. But if they live…they’re a brand new version of themselves. Larger, wiser, more powerful.”
“Spiders,” Aegon says. “You’re trying to placate me with some rousing metaphor about what are essentially aquatic spiders.”
“They’re tasty too,” you say, grinning. “Especially when their shells are still soft. The cooks would serve them fried and us kids would sit around the table ripping the legs free and throwing them at each other.”
“What, you can eat the crab whole?!”
“Yes. Once the faces are cut off and the organs scooped out.”
He pretends to be repulsed by you. “Harrowing. Revolting. This is why Targaryens have always refused to breed with your kind.”
It’s funny, but it isn’t, because it’s a little too close to what you’re both thinking. Under the moonlight, you watch Aegon with the words caged behind your teeth: What do you want most? Who are you in your bones? Where would we be if the world wasn’t crashing down around us?
He slathers rose oil on his scarred right cheek—carelessly, distractedly—and accidentally pokes himself in the eye. “Ow.”
You ask: “Why do you want to do that yourself now?”
“To prove I can. To feel ever so slightly less like an invalid.” He takes a swig of his wine and gazes out over the nightscape ocean, stars in the sky, stars reflected on waves. “I am a study in irony. I spent my whole life waiting for it to be over. I poisoned myself, wasted years, resisted any semblance of usefulness. And now I finally have things I want to accomplish, I finally have reasons to live…and I’m trapped in the flesh of some pathetic, deformed, calamitously weak stranger.” He shakes his head, despondent, still not looking at you. “I can have a body that works. I can have a soul. But I can’t have both at the same time. It’s so fucking unfair.”
“I like you exactly as you are. Body and soul.”
“Everything I own, everything I’m given…” He stares down at his palms, open and empty. “It is destroyed, gets killed, goes mad. I ruin causes. I ruin people. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“I think I’m going to be ruined either way. I’d rather you be the one responsible.”
“Angel,” he says, low and serious. And now his gaze comes back to meet yours. “Who are you supposed to marry?”
You don’t want to tell him. You don’t want it to be true. Your voice is a whisper, almost lost in the night wind. “Cregan Stark.”
His eyes shoot wide, not just startled but terrified. “Stark?!”
You nod miserably. “My father took me and my sisters to Winterfell as part of a trade mission. Cregan decided he wanted me. I never encouraged it, I never desired it, I swear I didn’t—”
“No, I believe you,” Aegon says. He swallows a gulp of wine noisily, his hand shaking. “You were right. I can’t touch him. I can’t stop it. Not unless I win.”
“You don’t want the Iron Throne,” you tell Aegon, already knowing it’s true.
He snorts, a harsh derisive sound. “Who would?”
“Lots of people, I think. But not you or Rhaenyra.”
This intrigues him. “She doesn’t want it either?”
“Not from what I’ve seen and heard. Or, at least, she didn’t until Luke was killed. It changed her. I’m still not convinced she wants to be the queen, but she wants vengeance. And absolute power is a sure path to it.” And so the suffering continues, it goes around and around like a wheel, it is a debt that is never satisfied but only spread like plague.
“I don’t understand why Aemond did that,” Aegon says. His words are hushed, like he’s never spoken them to anyone but you and never will. “When he returned from Storm’s End, I held a feast for him. I had to, someone had to, someone had to pretend it was a victory instead of a murder. But it didn’t make any sense. Arrax was an inconvenience, not a threat. Luke was far more valuable as a hostage than a corpse. Aemond has always been the disciplined brother, the strategic one. I won’t claim to be clever. But I can’t find any strategy in what happened there.”
“Aemond has a temper. He is haunted, I believe. He is not above reckless fury.”
“No, evidently not.” Aegon sighs and rakes his fingers through his hair; again, his dragon ring glints under the moonlight, silver reflected off gold. “I’ll try to win,” he says. “For my family. For you.” Then he smirks, a grim attempt at humor. “Though I pity Cregan Stark for the paradise I will deprive him of.”
You do not return Aegon’s smile. “Don’t have too much pity for him. I have no expertise and I’m scared to death of it. I’d probably end up hiding under his bed, gripping the legs for dear life. He’d have to drag me out and tie me down.”
Aegon is alarmed; his storm-blue eyes are now focused, seeking. He is aware that he has wandered into a quagmire. He treads carefully. “When you say no expertise, you mean…none at all?”
“None.”
“But what about all of those anatomically-correct cock illustrations in your medical books?”
Another joke you can’t bring yourself to laugh at. You drink your wine to stop your lips from quivering, smooth the silk of your gown with a trembling hand. You see it no matter where you look: the pool of red on Theodora’s bedsheets, the dawning and inescapable realization on her face. This is her life now. This will always be her life.
Aegon says gently: “You have no expectation of pleasure.”
“It seems…inherently violent. For the woman. Even if it isn’t meant to be. Being overpowered, being invaded. The man decides when and how it happens. The woman endures.”
Aegon stares at you—biting his full lower lip, deeply somber—but doesn’t speak. He gives you the impression of someone with so many thoughts swimming around in his skull he is struggling to choose just one.
You smile dimly. “I’m sorry. I’ve made you sad.”
“I’m, um…” Aegon pauses to collect himself; he drains his wine cup and sets it back on the table. He is uncharacteristically cautious, like he thinks one unwise word will break the spell of whatever exists between you, this temptation, this need. “I’m saddened by the fact that you think of it that way. Because it doesn’t have to be…distasteful. Frightening. Coerced. It shouldn’t be, in fact.”
“I suppose I’ll find out if the Blacks win this war and Cregan Stark comes to claim me.”
Again, Aegon is exceptionally circumspect. “You’ve never wanted any man?”
“No. Never. Not in that way. Until…” You look at him, willing him to understand. I want you, but I’m so goddamn afraid to. I’m afraid of this world, I’m afraid there’s no hope left in it.
Slowly, Aegon smiles, soft and warm. And without any grasping, animalistic greed, he reaches over to rest a palm on your thigh, night-dark silk draped over skin that doesn’t flinch away from him, doesn’t even have to fight the instinct to. You place a hand on his. Your fingertips trace the gold wings of the green-eyed dragon ring he never takes off. And it is sealed like a covenant under the stars, this allegiance that neither of you could begin to explain to anyone else.
Footsteps are coming through Aegon’s bedchamber, heavy and purposeful. Otto Hightower appears in the balcony doorway. He fills the space like storm clouds flood a clear sky, like blood saturates linen. “You’re getting fat,” he tells Aegon gruffly.
“You’re getting ever more wrinkly and close to the afterlife.”
Otto glances to where Aegon’s hand still rests on your thigh and snaps: “If you’re well enough for that, perhaps you would deign to join us in the council chamber. You could shock everyone by actually acting like a king.”
Then he’s gone, taking those last echoes of the moment with him.
~~~~~~~~~~
“They know she’s here,” Larys Strong says. His audience is gathered around the table: Otto, Criston, Daeron, Grand Maester Orwyle, Tyland Lannister, Jasper Wylde, the knights of the Kingsguard, Aegon slumped way down in his seat and you beside him feeling his forehead worriedly for fever. Because Aegon and Daeron are in attendance, the council chamber is one chair short. Aemond has elected to be the person to stand; he lurks, severe and silent, in a corner of the room half-lit by torchlight. Daeron is dressed in a vibrant teal, Aegon in black; Aemond wears green, dark and brooding like envy.
Criston Cole asks: “How is that possible?”
Otto sighs irritably, rubbing his forehead. “We have spies. I’m sure Rhaenyra does as well.”
“Someone apparently glimpsed the prince regent…um…” Larys searches for the diplomatic word. “Escorting her through the streets of King’s Landing.”
“Dragging is what he did,” Aegon says, glaring at Aemond. “Abducting. Attacking. Imprisoning.” Aemond, arms crossed over his chest, studies his boots and pretends not to have heard him.
Larys continues: “The Blacks don’t believe that she is here of her own volition.”
Otto’s eyes narrow. “What, they think we’ve detained her as some sort of…healer? Hostage?”
“No, my lord,” Larys says, hesitantly, awkwardly. “They don’t imagine the king’s motivations to be that honorable.”
Otto is losing his patience. “Meaning?”
Larys toys with his restless, rodentlike hands. “They think she is being…violated.”
A stilted, scandalized hush falls over the table. “Good,” Aegon says, invoking gasps and gapes. “If Green supporters believe her to be my captive, they won’t harm her. And if the Blacks think she is being held here against her will, she would be safe with them as well. No matter who wins, she is not in danger.”
“That is hardly beneficial for your own reputation, Your Grace,” Tyland Lannister says.
Aegon grins beneath cold eyes; he shows his teeth like a wolf, like a dragon. “Was my reputation so pristine to begin with, Lord Lannister?”
“No, perhaps not,” Tyland mumbles. Still, he should not have said it aloud. Otto huffs another sigh and rolls his eyes.
“So you intend to keep a Celtigar daughter in your service?” Otto says to Aegon.
“I have no doubts concerning her loyalty.”
Larys adds: “My lord, I must say, I cannot see a tactical advantage in her saving the king’s life if she retains any loyalty to Rhaenyra’s cause.”
“Then why save him at all? Why bother? He was lying there half-dead, soon to be properly dead, and she brought him back practically singlehandedly. Why?”
“Mercy,” Aemond says quietly from the corner, and everyone turns to look at him. “Many people have none of it. She perhaps has too much. And now they have grown…” He gestures vaguely, perhaps bashfully. “Attached to each other.”
Jasper Wylde is dismayed. “But the king has a wife.”
Daeron snickers. “Yes, and that has always proved to be such a deterrent in the past.”
“Daeron,” Aegon cautions mildly.
The youngest Targaryen brother obediently sobers and shows the palms of his hands in contrition. “My apologies.” He hides his face with a slurp of his wine cup.
“And what about Cregan Stark?!” Otto exclaims. “You’d encourage his outrage, his Northerner savagery? Seven hells, he thinks you’re spending your days raping his betrothed, do you imagine that will not invoke fiercer wrath, put all of us at greater risk?!”
“Lord Stark was never a reachable ally to our cause, in my estimation,” Larys says calmly.
“That’s not the point, Larys! The point is—!”
“I can offer you something in return for the heightened danger you have assumed,” you interrupt, and these men stare at you as if suddenly remembering that you are here in the room with them, not a phantom or a myth or a cautionary tale but someone real. Aegon glances over, one eyebrow raised on his drawn, perspiring face. He doesn’t know what you’re going to say either.
Otto peers menacingly across the table. “What could you possibly have to barter with? The king is well enough now. He will live with or without you.”
“I have information. I know the workings of Rhaenyra’s council in the leadup to Rook’s Rest.”
“You attended her council meetings?”
“No, but I spent evenings with my father and brothers as they discussed them.”
Otto sits back in his chair, pondering you. After a moment, he nods. “Go on then.”
“I want one concession before I reveal what I know.”
“Besides being permitted indefinite room and board in the Red Keep, which you are in no way entitled to?”
“Not negotiable,” Aegon says.
Otto chuckles, humorless, incredulous, shaking his head. “Fucking insane. Alright. What is it you want, girl?”
“If any member of House Celtigar is taken captive, I want them to be given the opportunity to swear fealty to King Aegon and receive a full pardon for their sins. If they refuse, they are to go to the Night’s Watch, not the scaffold.”
“That’s your price? That’s it?”
“Yes.”
Otto is amused. “Nothing for you? No gold, no land?”
“No.” The prospect hadn’t even occurred to you.
“Not very self-serving. So unlike a Celtigar.” Otto grins, not kindly at all. “Your terms are accepted.”
You begin. “The Greens possess great wealth, now split for safekeeping between Oldtown, Casterly Rock, and the Iron Bank of Braavos. But Rhaenyra’s funds are far more finite. My father has enriched her coffers in part with taxes placed upon houses of the Crownlands. You are always seeking new allies, people you can turn from her side to yours, Corlys Velaryon, the Dragonseeds. Thus far, you have been unsuccessful.” Otto frowns, but he is listening. “I know there are families who have compelling grievances concerning my father’s taxes. Families who have become disenchanted with Rhaenyra’s leadership…or lack thereof, they might say. Rosby, Stokeworth, Cave, Langward, Bourney, Boggs, Hardy, Chyttering. Probably others as well now. They occupy a tactically significant position, being so near to Dragonstone and Driftmark. And I believe if you wrote to them, they would answer.”
“I’ll send ravens,” Otto says. He marvels at you, like a puzzlingly strange creature, a luminescent fang-toothed fish from the depths of the ocean, a direwolf from beyond the Wall. “You don’t want your side to win this war?”
“I want the killing to stop. For both sides.”
“Well, you won’t get that. The bitch will never surrender. That hope died with little Luke Strong.” Otto glowers bitterly at where Aemond stands in the shadowy corner, but he addresses you. “That is your impression as well? She was entertaining the possibility of a truce before he died at Storm’s End?”
You steal a glimpse of Aemond, and you are struck by an unexpected stab of sympathy for him, compassion that feels like a betrayal of your knowledge of the torture he had planned for you. But what is there to say but the truth? “Rhaenyra was considering it very seriously. She and Daemon quarreled over the subject.”
“Of course they did.” Otto looks at Criston, then back to Aemond. “When are you leaving?”
“Soon,” Criston answers for the prince regent. “Very soon.”
“Not soon enough,” Otto spits like venom, and everyone else averts their eyes.
“My lord,” Larys intercedes. “There is one more matter to discuss, and I believe it will be of great interest to His Grace the king.”
Aegon is struggling to concentrate. He blinks groggily at the Master of Whisperers, his brow creased with pain. You smooth his damp, white-blond hair back from his face, threading his braid through your fingertips; you refill his wine cup and give it to him. When Aegon lifts it to his lips, his hands shake so badly he spills scarlet beads like blood down his chin. He wipes them away with his sleeve. Grand Maester Orwyle offers him a small glass bottle of milk of the poppy, but Aegon refuses it.
“Is he alright?” Daeron mutters to you.
“He’s fine. He’s tired, that’s all.”
“Waste no time, Lord Larys,” Aegon says. “I fear Grandsire’s ire has exhausted me. He’s more ferocious than a dragon. We should find a saddle that fits, perhaps Criston could ride him to the Riverlands.”
“Keep guzzling wine, I’m sure that will improve your condition,” Otto bites back.
Larys continues: “It concerns Rook’s Rest.”
Now he has everyone’s attention. “What about Rook’s Rest?” Aegon says. Instinctively, he’s begun twisting the golden dragon ring on his left hand.
“I received word one hour ago that the Blacks have retaken it.”
“What?!” Otto shouts; the rest of the table is in uproar. Criston stands and goes to conspire with Aemond in the corner of the council chamber, urgent indecipherable whispers.
“Sunfyre,” Aegon says frantically. “I have to go to him, I have to get him out—”
“He is already gone, Your Grace,” Larys replies.
“Gone…?”
“Lord Walys Mooton went down to the beach to slay the dragon once his men had taken the castle. He was burned alive.”
“Perfect,” Daeron says, beaming radiantly.
“Lord Mooton’s men fled for their lives, and when they returned, Sunfyre had disappeared. He could not be found anywhere in the vicinity of Rook’s Rest. Moreover, his footprints in the sand stopped abruptly. Which means he must have departed—”
“Into the water…?” Tyland Lannister says, perplexed.
“No,” Larys corrects him. “Into the sky.”
“Sunfyre is flying again?” Aegon asks, his face childlike, astonished.
“That’s impossible,” Criston says. “His wing was broken, I saw it.”
Larys drums his fingers on the tabletop. “I cannot conceive of any other explanation.”
“Then he’ll find me.” Aegon smiles. Sweat snakes down his temples; his face is white, bloodless, barren like the moon. “When Sunfyre is ready, he’ll find me and we’ll be together again.”
“Oh, thank the gods,” Otto exhales. “The Old, the New, that ghastly Drowned one…” He waves a hand at you. “And do you have any to add, Lady Celtigar? Some crab deity your traitorous people worship?”
“I regret to disappoint you, my lord. To my knowledge we have none.”
“Three useable dragons,” Otto says, mostly to himself. “Three is good. With three, we have a chance. And if I can recruit Vermithor or Silverwing…”
“I should go with you when you and Criston march north,” Daeron tells Aemond.
“No,” Aemond returns immediately.
“If you’re going after Daemon, you could use me,” Daeron insists. “Tessarion and I can help.”
“You are needed in the Reach with Lord Ormund Hightower.”
“You just want him all to yourself,” Daeron realizes, exasperated. “You want to be able to say that you were the person to neutralize the Blacks’ greatest asset, that you won the war—!”
Criston says: “He’s not going on some suicide mission chasing Daemon and Caraxes all over the Riverlands. He’s staying with me and the army. He’s using Vhagar logically, responsibly. Right, Aemond?”
“Of course,” Aemond answers, entirely toneless.
Otto whirls to Aegon. “And when will you be able to fight again? Soon, I hope. Surely the culmination of your existence is not one single instance of utility before lapsing back into being some drunken, idiot degenerate.”
In reply, Aegon moans and crumples to the floor. Grand Maester Orwyle and the men of the Kingsguard rush to him, but Criston gets there first; when you cannot rouse the king, Criston throws him over one shoulder—increasingly difficult with each pound Aegon gains, softness and health that you consider a great victory—and ferries him back to bed. As you follow after them, you hesitate in the doorway of the council chamber. Now that Criston is gone, Otto has crossed the room and pinned Aemond to the wall. His large hands, heavy with rings, are pressed to Aemond’s chest; his face is snarling, wicked, callous.
“You have to fix this. You have to end it.”
“I know,” Aemond replies softly.
“Everything that’s happened is your fault.”
“I know,” Aemond says again, then rips free from Otto’s grasp and flees the room.
~~~~~~~~~~
Two days later, Criston leads his army out of the city. They will meet reinforcements on the road between the capital and the Riverlands. There is infantry on foot and cavalry on horses; above them in a blue sky cluttered with vast, cottony clouds are Aemond and Vhagar. As they head north, Daeron and Tessarion fly south towards the Reach to rejoin Ormund Hightower and his men. In Winterfell, Cregan Stark is receiving word of where (and with whom) his betrothed currently resides. At Harrenhal, Daemon and Nettles are kindling rumors like dry wood in a fire. On Dragonstone, Rhaenyra is nursing her rage and paranoia like a hungry child, like a wounded man who has milk of the poppy poured down his throat. And you remain static here in King’s Landing, anchored, steadfast, something immoveable like the ocean or the shore it meets.
You can see Aegon’s bedchamber windows from the beach. You keep glancing up at them, though you know he won’t be there; the sunlight is too harsh today, the potential damage to his skin too great. In a month, he may be able to venture outside as he used to. In two or three, he might be able to fight again. He might be able to kill more than just one errant Norcross boy who dared to touch you.
“Helaena wouldn’t come down to join us?” you ask Autumn. You’re walking with her in the surf, the hems of your held aloft so the froth of the waves can wash over your ankles. Perhaps ten yards away and out of earshot, Alicent is kneeling in the sand and playing with Jaehaera and Maelor. They are her great comfort now; they are not the only purpose she has left, but they are the kindest. Their tiny hands are preoccupied with building a sandcastle and adorning it with seashells, pebbles, shards of driftwood, strings of seaweed like green ribbons. You’ve started to notice how much Jaehaera resembles Aegon, his murky blue eyes and his high cheekbones and his gentleness that no one else seems to recognize. You’ve started to see him everywhere you look.
Autumn shrugs, her face apologetic. Her hair is more than just copper in the afternoon daylight; it is fire, it is blood. “I really tried. You know how she is.”
“I’ll visit her afterwards.”
“She unnerves me,” Autumn says, stroking her round belly and shuddering. She earns her keep here by helping to look after Helaena, Jaehaera, and Maelor. Aegon treats Autumn the same way he treats his wife and children, which is to say he generally ignores her; on the rare occasion he is subjected to her presence for more than a fleeting moment, he becomes uneasy, irritable. Autumn does not appear to be offended. She says this is the best job she’s ever had. “She’s always muttering the strangest things. Caterpillars and crabs and dragons and only the gods know what else. Yesterday she told me not to dance with the half-year queen. What the fuck does that mean?”
“Helaena’s a bit different,” you admit.
“She’s inbred, that’s what she is. I can’t imagine what those kids are going to grow up to be like. A brother and sister for parents? It’s a wonder they don’t have feathers or tails.” Autumn taps the swell of her belly. “At least this one—if it’s a Targaryen after all—has had its bloodline thoroughly diluted.”
You watch her standing there in the fiery late-afternoon light, this body that has comforted, consoled, satisfied, suffered, known so many men. “What does it feel like?” you ask quietly.
“What? Being with child?”
“No, the…um…the act that led to it.”
“Oh, yes.” Autumn stretches with her hands on the small of her back and smiles vaguely, nostalgically. “That’s the strange thing. It can feel like heaven or hell or nothing at all. If the man knows what he’s doing, and cares enough to try, he can make it better for you.”
“Better how?”
She furrows her brow, shoots you a skeptical sideways glance. She is aware that you are inexperienced, but the extent of your blind spots continuously shock her. It occurs to you that perhaps naivety is a privilege; some cannot recall a time before they were acquainted with truths of the world that others consider forbidden. “You know. He’ll use his hands or his mouth to get you ready. Or better yet, both at once.”
“Ready,” you repeat, not understanding.
“Well, you see…” Autumn takes a moment to decide how best to explain. “Men change when they are aroused, yes? Women do the same. It takes longer, and it is not always so obvious. But it is vital. The more ready you are, the more comfortably he will fit inside you.”
“And what if he doesn’t get you ready? If he doesn’t have the skill, or he doesn’t believe it’s necessary, or he doesn’t even know that’s something women require?” Or he just wants to hurt you. He just wants to watch you bleed like something he goes into the woods to kill and gut and devour.
Autumn smirks cynically. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“The sizes involved. Some men are bigger than others, and women have different dimensions as well. Couples can be well-matched or not. Sometimes it isn’t too bad. Sometimes it feels like you’re being ripped apart. And that doesn’t necessarily stop after the first time either.”
“And you can’t say no.”
“You can say no all you want. But he doesn’t have to listen.”
You peer out over Blackwater Bay, sunbeams flashing on wave crests and gulls swooping in the reddening sky. But you don’t really see it. What you see are fingerprints of dirt or ash on your thighs, snow in your hair, books laden with dust, fur coats and evergreen trees, rust-stains of blood on bedsheets.
“I’ve heard that Lord Stark is a very large man,” Autumn nudges. She knows, everyone knows.
“He’s massive,” you say forlornly. “He’s taller than Aemond and twice as broad.”
“The king isn’t so big,” she says, pretending that the thought has just popped into her mind, as if she hasn’t noticed the way you and Aegon look at each other, speak to each other, find excuses to touch each other.
“No,” you agree in a whisper.
“And he’s not a brute. I can’t fairly speak to his skill, I never had him anywhere close to sober. But he has no appetite for women’s pain. That’s a valuable gem in a man, it’s like stumbling across a ruby or a pearl.”
You nod; but you don’t want to think about Autumn lying with Aegon. You don’t want to think about the child they might share. In a world so dark, it seems cruel to begrudge people creating life where none existed before. But when you picture Aegon touching someone else, that darkness seeps in through your skin like rain soaks the earth and can’t find its way out. “We’re going to the library together tomorrow, aren’t we?”
Autumn groans. “Did I agree to that? I don’t believe I did.”
She did not, this is true; you badgered, she deflected. “You’ll enjoy it.”
“I am illiterate.”
“I told you. I’ll teach you how to read.”
“Why would I want to stare at ink marks in a book all day when I could be outside in the sunshine listening to the ocean and herding inbred little freaks like sheep?”
“Because books can take you anywhere,” you say.
“I like where I am. I’ve never seen anyplace better.”
“Okay, Autumn,” you concede, smiling. “I’ll ask again tomorrow. Hopefully you’ll change your mind.”
“Say hello to Helaena for me,” she says, meandering back towards Alicent and the children. Her footprints in the sand are erased when the gurgling waves roll over them. “Maybe one of those fancy books can help you translate lunacy into the Common Tongue.”
Upstairs in her bedchamber, Helaena is standing in front of an open window. It doesn’t offer a view of the ocean; it is positioned over a courtyard of sandstone and chatting courtiers. Helaena does not seem to hear them. She gazes out into the sunset, celestial rage on her impassive face.
“He’s leaving soon,” she says, not turning to look at you.
“Who, Helaena? Aemond? He left days ago. He’s already gone, he’s on his way to the Riverlands. But he’ll be back soon.” You don’t know if that’s true—it probably isn’t, in fact—but you’re certain that Helaena misses him. Her children do too; he is more of a father to them than Aegon has ever been, not in body but in soul.
She only repeats: “He’s leaving soon.”
“Helaena, what—?”
“He’ll leave you. Then you’ll leave him. He’ll make you.”
At last, and very slowly, she revolves like the stripe of shadow across a sundial. In her cupped palms is a butterfly, shimmering gold wings and spiderlike black legs. It takes flight, flutters aimlessly through the vermillion air, escapes out the open window.
~~~~~~~~~~
A peculiar twist of fate: his palm on your forehead, his whispers through your hair. Now he is the one who has stolen into your bed when the moon and stars hang high in the darkness outside. There is a noise somewhere beyond him, disembodied and hazy, that reminds you of torrential rain: omnipresent, thunderous.
“Angel,” Aegon is saying. “Wake up. Please wake up. I have to go.”
Go? Go where? You murmur, still half-asleep: “You can’t leave.” He isn’t strong enough yet. He can’t fight, he can’t run.
“I have to. They’re here.”
“Who…?”
The answer comes from the sounds that you are only now awake enough to understand: screaming, pounding boots, slamming doors, the ravenous crackling of fire, the shrieking of dragons. You have learned all of their unearthly voices. That’s not Vhagar or Tessarion or Sunfyre or Dreamfyre… It flashes by your windows, a comet of gold and flames.
You bolt out of bed. “Rhaenyra—?!”
“Rhaenyra, Syrax, Daemon, Caraxes.”
Daemon shouldn’t be here. He should be losing battles to Aemond and Criston. “But he’s at Harrenhal!”
“Not anymore.” Aegon takes your hand and pulls you out into the hallway, the hem of your nightgown billowing around your legs, his short silver hair flying behind him. There are servants and guards rushing by you, weeping, shouting, searching for places to hide. Grand Maester Orwyle ambles towards the rookery to send out ravens. Several rooms away, you can hear Helaena wailing and Autumn trying to soothe her. Larys Strong intercepts Aegon and gives him a hooded cloak; Aegon yanks it over his bare, mutilated chest, whimpering as the rapid movement strains the red-and-ivory disarray of scar tissue that used to be his skin. “You have everything?” he asks Larys hoarsely. You notice now that the Master of Whisperers has a satchel slung over one shoulder.
“Yes, Your Grace. Milk of the poppy, rose oil, the crown.”
“Wine?”
Larys produces a bottle. Aegon gulps down half of it, then passes the rest to you. You hesitate before finishing the wine, red like the sigil of House Celtigar, like fire, like blood. “They are closing all roads out of the city,” Larys tells Aegon, speaking swiftly. “King’s Landing will be taken. We will surrender. We cannot fight a dragon, let alone two.”
“Aemond and Criston—?”
“Daemon must have outflanked them.”
Aegon grabs your hand again and does not let go as he trails Larys through corridors and down claustrophobically tight spiral staircases. “The roads are blocked,” Aegon explains to you breathlessly. “But there are secret passageways beneath the castle. I know them. Larys knows them. Daemon probably knows them too, but he has other places to be.”
And through a window of a staircase, you see him: Caraxes spiraled around the apex of the Tower of the Hand, screaming fire into the sky before descending the length of the tower towards the hoards of hysterical courtiers fleeing below, his claws jostling loose bricks that rain down on them.
The bottom of the stairwell opens up into a large, dusty, dirt-floored chamber with stone tunnels leading in every direction like spokes of a wheel. Alicent is there, sobbing wildly, and so is Otto. Otto is telling Jaehaera that she must be a brave little girl and go with Sir Willis Fell. Alicent is giving Maelor over to Sir Rickard Thorne, your once-alleged-kinfolk. The child is panicked and crying, flushed face and white hair. Aegon glances at the scene and then keeps moving, towing you along with him.
“Princess Jaehaera will go to Storm’s End,” Larys says. “Prince Maelor will go to Oldtown. They face execution if they stay. We must risk smuggling them out of the city.”
“What about Aegon?” you ask as the three of you hasten into a corridor thick with cobwebs and illuminated by torchlight. The stone ceiling is arched and perhaps seven feet tall; faintly, you can still hear the muffled turmoil of King’s Landing falling to Rhaenyra and Daemon.
“I’m going Dragonstone.” And it does not elude you that he didn’t say we. “If Rhaenyra is here, that likely means Dragonstone is vacant. I will go to the Crownlands families that you believe to be willing to betray her and beg them for support. I will take Dragonstone and prepare a counterassault from there. Hopefully Sunfyre will find me. Hopefully I’m not killed on the way.”
“Okay,” you say. “I’m going too.”
“You’re staying in King’s Landing.”
“No.” You stop dead, wrenching your hand out of Aegon’s. “No, what if you get hurt, or sick, or what if you get really bad again—?!”
“Listen!” he shouts with dire intensity, his eyes wide and pleading in the torchlight. “I can’t protect you. I can’t even protect myself. There could be bandits on the road, there could be Black soldiers, there could be animals, there could be fucking anything. I can’t take you with me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to Dragonstone. But I know if I stay here Rhaenyra will murder me. I don’t have a choice. I have one option, and it’s not good. But you’ll be safe in King’s Landing.”
“Aegon, no—”
“The Blacks don’t think you’re here by choice. They think I’ve imprisoned you. Tell them that’s what happened and they will welcome you back. Your family will protect you.”
“Aegon, please don’t—”
His palm on your cheek, his braid coming unraveled in his hair. “You will wait out the war with them. And when it’s over I’ll find you.” Tears glistening in his eyes, his voice going soft and tender. “If I’m still alive, I’ll find you. I swear to all the gods I will.”
He’s leaving. He’s really leaving. “What can I do?” you ask, your words strangled; your throat is burning, your eyes wet. “What can I do to help you?”
And you expect him to say things you already know: Don’t tell anyone where I’ve gone. Don’t tell anyone what you’ve heard in the Greens’ council meetings. Instead, Aegon grins as he says: “Try to get one of your three superfluous sisters to seduce Cregan Stark.”
You laugh, the sound echoing off ancient, filthy stones.
“My mother and Otto are waiting for you. You will be with them when they are taken to Rhaenyra. They are high-ranking prisoners of war, they will be spared the brutality of the Black soldiers and so will you. They will corroborate that you were my captive.”
“I understand.”
“I have to go now,” Aegon says like an apology, swiping tears from your face with his thumbs. He breaks away from you and follows Larys Strong down the tunnel. They are shadows under the torchlight, cloaks and whispers.
“Aegon,” you call after him, and he stops. I never told you what I wanted. I never told you what I feel for you. “What if I never see you again?”
You don’t know what you want him to do or say. There’s nothing that could make this right. But he soars back to you, takes you roughly and desperately, buries his hands in your hair and kisses you deeply, tasting like wine and heat and the smoke filling the world outside. He means for it to be quick, but he can’t stop. His tongue darts between your lips, his hips press to yours, you arch into him wanting more, infinitely more.
What was I so afraid of? you think dizzily. How could I be afraid of anything with him?
“Your Grace,” Larys appeals regretfully. “Please. We don’t have much time.”
Aegon twists off his dragon ring—gold wings, jade eyes—and slips it onto your left hand. And you’re still staring down at it, mystified, as Aegon disentangles himself from you and vanishes into the darkness.
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