The creativity in this spray painting moment starts out really corny and predictable. But realizing what kind of creativity and texture is put into it after adding more detail and artsy into it makes you want to readjust the kind of invention you want to create in your life. Ideas sometimes come from hard work and concentration. But other times, they just come out at you in random thought or premeditation.
sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
Also idk but I feel it is important, for reasons of genre understanding, to recognize that good old fashioned murder is like the least violent thing anybody ever does in a proper spy story
Was talking with my therapist about how it's possible to completely lose one's own identity to people-pleasing - when you grow up being constantly preoccupied with concerns about what other people want, and the ideal outcome is always whatever makes everyone else happy, it's possible to simply not learn to know yourself at all. If the only thing you've ever strived for in life is to make everyone else happy, you just never pause to think what you want, or what you would enjoy, independently from anyone else's desires.
As an example of this, I recalled that for the longest time, I just didn't listen to music when I was alone, because the thought never occurred to me. I didn't have my own taste in music, I was fine with listening to whatever the people I was with wanted to listen to, but whose music would I be listening to if I wasn't with anyone else? She thought this was a great observation, and gave me a homework assignment to find a song I like, just on my own and for myself, and show it to her next week.
So I guess my therapist is about to learn about the existence of mongolian folk metal.
Reposting this from my twitter thread because it hasn't left my head (and adding a tiny bit more).
Seen so many questionable takes lately about the ivantill kiss, and I know everyone is allowed to have different opinions and interpretations but.
No, Ivan didn’t just pretend to kiss Till for the show. And no, he wasn't trying to make Till hate him either or trying to trigger him over his implied SA to snap him into action.
I think the whole point of the scene (confirmed by the creators) is Ivan finally breaking his mask of perfection and control and giving in to his messy, all consuming feelings, being selfish for once.
Yes, by the end before the strangling starts, he appears more clear headed and now focused on the objective of manipulating the score. But he doesn't really look at it until AFTER he starts strangling Till.
The kiss itself wasn't part of the strategy, or at least not entirely something calculated. Ivan could have skipped the kiss and strangled Till right away and gotten the same result.
The fact that he kissed him AGAIN after he started strangling him, more softly and 'personal', almost like a goodbye or an apology (whether for his selfishness or for their past), tells me he wanted it.
I think a last selfish act doesn't diminish the love he had for Till, it just shows the tragedy of ALNST. Ivan is only human after all. And no matter what kind of mask he built for himself and what illusion of control he had over his life, when faced with the real, imminent possibility of losing Till, he crumbled and did something unexpected.
I have more to say about the Ivan and Sua parallels and how he finally understands her in the Confession comic etc etc but I think I've yapped enough.
I just don't like it when people try to mold the narrative because they're uncomfortable with an unconsensual kiss. It's meant to be painful and heartwrenching, a reflection on Ivan's one sided-feelings and his desperation at the moment —to be seen for the first (and last) time, to not be left behind, to convey his emotions in the only way he could when being seconds away from death.
After all the team confirmed that Ivan is clumsy with emotions and only knows to convey them in 'childish' ways (the nuzzling against his face, the picking fights with Till and teasing him).
I think some people like to think of the kiss as something purely calculated and selfless because it makes it more 'palatable', but in my opinion this take washes out Ivan's character and the flaws that make him just as human, vulnerable and complex as the rest of the cast. He was willing to throw away his life and his perfect image because he wanted something that badly.
whispers pulling the “I know you’re not going to harm us, will, it’s not in you, you’re not a killer” card only for him to go “lucky for me one of my besties is :)” before a wild wolfgang appears ready to crash into a helicopter if necessary is one of the best moments in the show. wolfgang brings a real “always down to go on a righteous murder spree even if it ends me” energy into the group project and everyone loves it.
like i get bruce won't kill joker or whatever (boooooooooo 🙄) but doesn't new jersey or gotham have death penalty? if not, there's no way for joker to be tried by federal justice after how many war crimes this man committed? and then promptly executed, bc i don't think the insanity plea holds to multiple accounts of mass murder, serial killing and premeditated kills
it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
Your tags about how this wasn’t a “for the camera” performance when I saw Dan’s little wiggles towards Phil that was my immediate thought like we’ve come so far with them and their trust in letting us see their dynamic 😭
the shift has been so subtle but when you notice it it's almost overwhelming. they really meant dangerously low amount of fucks but not in a performative way. it's the way they don't have those moments anymore where they're about to do something and then freeze when they look at the camera or try and stick to Their Personal Branding characteristics in videos. they're just free in a way we've never seen ;___;
heya, can you please do captain price in a relationship (the good and the bad) headcanons ?
hi anon!! sorry this took me a bit to get to this. i’m going to keep this sfw bc i can’t confirm your age but i do hope this will suffice! <3
heaven’s slice
❂ John calls you the softest part of his soul, but he’s just downplaying the fact that he’s always had a tender hand in love. He takes his time learning you, testing every one of the love languages on you until he finds it, and even then he’ll pepper in a touch of the secondary languages because he simply feels like it’s never enough of a physical manifestation for what you do to his insides. He takes it incredibly slow with you, even when you’re making more direct advances. He wants to do this right, he wants to do right by you, even if it leaves him breathless and shaking with the restraint when he drops you off at your doorstep, a kiss to your temple, leaving only when the lock of your front door sounds.
❂ He may not have three Michelin stars, but he’s not useless in the kitchen and that is his driving force. He’ll sneak a look at your recipes and try his best to get it anything close to your dish, when he puts the plate down before you, he will always proclaim that it never compares to yours but he tried. He makes the effort to make the house a home as much as you do. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, he will do as much as possible when he is home just so he can see you with your feet up on the couch and that pretty smile that thanks him.
❂ He’s a provider and money is of no consequence to him. He’s just all too happy to have you comfortable at home while you wait for his return. No matter how much you try to decline, he will find a way to have you spend his money. It makes him happy, gives him a different type of purpose. You message him innocently about the cutest thing you spied in the window of a shop and the notification that follows is money being paid to you, “Go get it. And send me picture of you with it.”
❂ This man will communicate with you; it may not alway be the prettiest conversation to be had but rest assured that it will be had. He sits you down, either across from him at the dinner table or on his lap in his recliner, and his voice goes low as he breaks it down to you. It’s not the matter of the route taken for John, it’s the destination, and he will not relent until you both reach that destination in his endeavor.
❂ You’re not something he hides; his men know your name and have seen you on his person and in his office. He’s learnt enough to know that complete separation between home and work life would leave room for ravines, steep and dangerous. He remains careful with his mentions of you, but at the same time he stands by the belief that you are not a separate entity to him. You may be “sweetheart”, “love”, “angel” when he directly addresses you, but to everyone else? You’re his sweetheart, his love, his angel. All the better to not hear your name on his men’s lips if you ask him.
hell’s ventures
✧ John tries very hard with you, he does, but this man can be short of patience when under duress. Lashing out with biting words always cripples him to his knees barely minutes after they leave his mouth because that smoke clears from his mind and he can hear the bedroom closing behind you. The guilt will haunt him for days into a week and sometimes, that guilt will convince him to just give you space. Yeah, not usually the best solution and it takes a bit for him to learn that.
✧ With him priding himself on being a provider, your provider specifically, sometimes he takes your independence to mean that you don’t need him. It’s an insecurity, of course, one that you’re not at fault for highlighting, yet it does trigger it within him. On such occasions, John may be more overbearing in the days to follow. Batting your hands away to help you with your shoes, insisting on washing your hair, dressing you until you’re finally putting a hand to his chest to stop him. It always warrants a long conversation, and it’s frustrating to have to repeat these same old words him, but you love him despite that niggling voice in the back of his mind.
✧ John is very insistent on communication, but that does not vouch for him being absolutely incredible at it. His timing and wording can be atrocious now and again, a well intentioned discussion growing heated and edged quite quickly. You can try to walk away but John will follow you, unrelenting on getting the two of you on the same page before bed because falling asleep with that anger is a no-go for him. He’s a hard headed bastard and it usually takes some more yelling for him to Click.
✧ John can be very overprotective, very well bordering possessive; you jokingly blame it on his age. Well, sometimes he can take the banter, and other times... When someone is hovering too close to you, smiling too sweetly at you or talking just a bit too much with you, he’s tugging you into him, voice coming from the pit of his stomach and dripping with malice at the supposed perpetrator (read: victim). The argument once against boils down to how overbearing the man can be and yeah, he admits to that and you still choose to be with him despite it so get used to it already, sweetheart. He sleeps on the couch for that particular night.
✧ With the slight age difference and vast lifestyle differences, there is always this unconscious hindrance on both your ends. He second guesses whether he is the right choice for you, if he’s depriving you of a more vivacious life or soiling you with his dirty hands and you sometimes wonder if you’re just not at the maturity level he is at, if this clean slate of a life you have compared to his overcrowded canvas bothers him. It’s more an internal conflict than anything and it will rear its ugly head in the heat of arguments, something you both pointedly ignore. It needs to be addressed, you are both so well aware and yet… yet the timing for this particular conversation never finds its fit.