#really just-that's so sad? kids who find people supporting their claims that they are too stupid to understand any level of complexity

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Falling in love again (Christen Press x Reader)

Writers block is being a pain at the moment so sorry it's been a while since I posted. I'll be back to trying to write my list of requests in a few weeks when I'm back from holiday. This wasn't requested, just a random idea and probably not very good but I hope you like it!

Warnings: Death of a partner, grief. If you find anything else let me know and I'll add it!

Words: 4.3K

---

Almost two years had passed since I lost my person. The person I thought I would spend my life with, the person I loved more than I thought it was possible to love someone. Life was cruel like that, giving you a person who understood you, who loved you so deeply, only to rip it away in the worst way possible. The day the phone call came, telling me Talia had been in an accident that claimed her life was a blur. Honestly, at times it still felt like a dream. The overwhelming grief, disbelief and fear I felt that day still ever present if I thought back to it. 

I had almost quit soccer for good after that, but I knew she wouldn't want me too. Talia loved watching me play, she knew how much I loved it, always encouraging me and supporting me in everything I did. So I kept going, every game I played, I played for her. The grief had faded since then. It was always there, it always would be, some days were worse than others, but it was bearable. It didn't consume me like it once had.   

One of the things Talia used to love was colouring in my tattoos. Not that I would have admitted it to her, but once we started dating, my new tattoos were purely designed so she could colour them. Our spare time was often spent with her colouring them while I drew or did random stuff. It was something I found myself doing often, especially when I was missing her.

Someone sat down next to me as I slowly coloured in one of the many tattoos scattered over my body. I didn't pay them much attention, continuing colouring, "What are you doing?"

I shrugged, not looking up at Emily, "Colouring."

"Is she colouring in her tattoos again?" Kelley asked sitting across from us.

"Yup, we really need to get her paper or a colouring book."

"Have you ever noticed even when there's paper around she still does it? Look at how comfortable and peaceful she looks. It's like a built in stress relief." I fought the urge to chuckle at how they talked as if I wasn't there. To be fair I was only half listening. 

"Why do you colour in your tattoos?"

I sighed, putting down the pen. The team had been bugging me for months now about it. These were some of the people I trusted most in the world, there was no reason to keep hiding it from them. "It reminds me of my wife. She would sit there for hours colouring in my tattoos while I drew. It became sort of a routine."

"You're married? You don't wear a ring."

I pulled the chain around my neck that held a simple black band and a silver band with a line of diamonds. "Mine and hers," I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, "She died almost 2 years ago, I only take it off for games."

"God Y/n, I'm so sorry," Ali said, pulling me in for a quick hug.

Alex was the next to pull me into a tight hug, "How come we never knew? We've known you longer then two years?"

"No one knew except our close friends and family. At the time we weren't as close as we are now and I guess I couldn't bring myself to mention it after. We never specifically hid it, just didn't put it out there. She never wanted to the world to know who she was. Never wanted who she was with to impact her kids."

"She had kids?"

"She was a teacher at a school for kids with disabilities. They meant the world to her, she would do anything for them. It was always a worry that her suddenly being known would affect her job in some way."

"It sounds like she was an amazing person. I'm sad we never got to meet her."

"You did, you just never knew who she was to me."

"Talia? I remember you mentioning that she passed away and that's why you took that break," Alyssa asked.

"Yup, we had been married 4 years the day you met her."

"That's why you completely disappeared that day then wouldn't tell us why."

A small smile appeared on my face remembering that day. We had booked a hotel room, ordered way to much room service, gave each other massages, then had a bath and watched movies. It was simple, but one of my favourite nights besides the day we got married, "She had flown in that weekend just so we could celebrate our anniversary. We never spent one apart."

---

Christen sat down on her bed, staring up at me for a second before speaking, "That's why you turn everyone down when they ask you out? Including me."

There had been many people over the years that had asked me on dates, all being turned down for obvious reasons. Christen had been one of them though, about a year after Talia passed. Besides Talia, Christen was the only person I could actually see myself with if I ever got to a point where I felt ready. That wasn't now, but part of me hoped it would happen soon. Despite the guilt and grief that was there, I wanted the chance to be happy again with someone. We had talked about it a few times and neither of us wanted the other to hold on for too long. Talia would want me to be happy, to move on and one day, when the time was right, I would.

I sighed sitting down next to Christen. Sitting or lying on the others bed was a pretty common occurrence when we roomed together. "You know I know she would want me to be happy, but every time I even think about starting to date again, it feels like I'm betraying her. Like if I start something, I'll forget her."

"You'll never forget her. No matter what you're doing or who you're with, she will always be in your heart. She'll always be your person, but you can love someone else while still loving her just as much as you always have. It's not one or the other and if the next person doesn't understand that then they aren't worth the time. There's no rush to move on."

"Thanks Chris. Out of all the people that have asked me out, you're the only one I thought about saying yes to. I'm sorry I wasn't ready."

Christen placed her hand on my knee, squeezing gently. Something that always seemed to make me feel peace. "Don't be. I always knew there was a slim chance of you saying yes and I accepted that. I was just happy that it didn't change our friendship."

"Would you still be open to that date? Not right now, but sometime in the near future."

"Of course I would. There's no rush or pressure though Y/n/n, whenever you're ready, I'm ready. And if you're never ready that's okay too."

--- Today was two years since Talia was taken. Of course it was game day. When I realised the date it was like a weight was sitting on my chest. Christen was still asleep so I slipped quietly into the bathroom to shower and let the tears out. I had originally been thinking about pulling out of the game, but after my shower I was actually feeling okay to play. I was determined to win for her. 

The final whistle blew as I clung onto whoever was closest, my knees trying to give out on me. The rush of emotions I felt was not what I expected. Happiness, relief, grief all rushing through me as I tried to hold it together in front of everyone. Letting my emotions show in front of friends or family was hard enough, I didn't need that happening in front of the fans. 

I managed to hold it together enough to greet the fans before we made our way to the locker room. As I put the necklace back on, I broke. Tears silently streaming down my cheeks before a sob forced it's way out. Instantly, Ali's arms wrapped around me tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder. I didn't like crying in front of people, but there was no stopping it. So for once, I just let it out with the comfort of the people I trusted most. 

Once I had calmed down, Ali finally spoke up, "What's going on Y/n/n?"

"I-it's been 2 years sin-since- I'm sorry."

Ali's arms tightened as another hand squeezed mine, "Never apologise for feeling how you feel. You can always feel how you feel with us. We've got you always."

We spent longer in the locker room than we normally would as the girls took turns comforting me and making sure I was okay before we left. After dinner, most of the team ended up in one of the rooms for team bonding. There were quite a few questions about Talia, normally I didn't talk about her much because of the emotions it brings up, but everyone seemed genuinely interested in her.  Also, talking about her was actually quite therapeutic.  

Even though it was therapeutic, talking about Talia still brought up emotions so I had found myself cuddled up with Ali for comfort. I had almost went to Christen for comfort, but the guilt had started to creep in again making me decide against it.

"How old were you when you got married? It must have been quite young," Tierna asked.  

"We were. We started dating at 19, married at 23.  Possibly too young in some peoples opinions, but at the time we just got the idea in our heads and went with it. I proposed and 2 months later we were married. My time with Talia was incredible, it was fun and low maintenance. We met in college when we both didn't have a lot of money, most of our dates in our first few years were picnics, walks or movie nights. 

I mean our first anniversary, we made each other homemade cards. Talia got me marshmallows because I was obsessed with them at the time and I got her chocolate and gummy bears. We ended up at the beach, making smores before going back to my apartment and making pasta for dinner. To this day that was probably one one of my favourites. Talia never cared about fancy or expensive things, that never changed the further I got in my professional career or as our money situation changed. She was just happy if we were together."

I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't help myself. Talking about Talia before I lost her was one of my favourite things. The girls didn't seem to mind though as everyone's attention seemed to be completely on me. "She sounds like she was an incredible person."

"She was. I think she would have gotten along with all of you. Especially Emily and Kelley. Talia loved pranks and just being annoying. She wrapped up a carrot and gave it to me more than once, she would pull little pranks all the time or poke and prod at me constantly."

Later that night, Christen got my attention as I slipped into my bed, "Hey, you doing okay? I know today was hard."

"It was, but I'm feeling okay right now. I think talking about her helped. I've never really let myself because of the emotions it brings up. Turns out it's quite freeing to talk about her."

"The team would agree, it was nice to hear about her. I can see how much you love her."

"It's uh not weird for you is it?"

"No. Y/n, she was your wife, you love her, you always will. I know that. If we were to eventually get to a point past friendship, I would never expect anything else. You can talk to me about her whenever you want and I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Thank you Chris. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything. I have every intention of asking you on a date, I just need a bit of time."

"Hey, I don't think that at all. Like I said, there is no rush, there's no expectations."

---

It had been about six months since mine and Christen's initial conversation. I was finally feeling like I was ready to try dating again, all I had to do was ask. It had taken longer than I thought it would and a part of me was thinking that Christen would have lost interest by now or just didn't want to deal with my past. A part of me was tempted to not ask, to save myself from rejection, but I also knew there was no way to know unless I asked. 

"So."

"So?"

I took a deep breath, trying to clear some of the nerves that had been building. I had never asked one out let alone dated anyone else besides Talia. Christen sent me a small smile, the nerves melting away when I saw the adoration in her eyes. "Will you go on a date with me Chris?"

"You're ready for that?"

"I think so, I've been thinking about it a lot recently. It's just this is something I haven't done with anyone besides Talia so I might not be perfect or even close to it, but I'll try."

"I would love to Y/n. Just tell me if we go on this date and you realise you're not ready. I'll understand. You also don't have to be perfect, we'll figure this out as we go okay?"

"Thank you Chris. I'll pick you up at 6?"

"We're sharing a room."

"I'm going to get ready in Ali and Alex's room, that way I can pick you up."

"And they say chivalry is dead." 

---

Trying to plan a date was so far out of my comfort zone that I didn't even know where to start. Of course I had been on many dates with Talia, but that was different. It had been 10 or so years since my first and only first date. I knew Talia like the back of my hand, I knew what she liked, where she liked to go. Christen on the other hand, I knew her, but to a far lesser extent which was making me overthink. What if she didn't like what I planned? What if I did too much or not enough? 

Before I could continue to spiral, I decided to enlist the help of Tobin. Normally I would go to Ali, but Tobin was Christens bestfriend. 

"You okay Y/n?"

"No. Well yes but also no. Christen and I are going on a date tonight and I'm freaking out. I cannot for the life of me decide what to do. Every time something comes to mind, I convince myself that it's not enough. Chris will be the second person I've ever taken on a date, it needs to be perfect."

Tobin led me to sit on the bed as I had started to pace across the room. "Don't tell her I told you, but Chris doesn't care what you do, she's just happy to go out with you. Tell me your ideas?"

"I know she likes parks or gardens, beaches, picnics, museums, that sort of thing. There's not a beach around otherwise I would take her there and it'll be too late to take her to the museum but I found a nice park the other day. It has a lake and there were heaps of like lights and stuff. Was thinking picking up some takeaway and other bits to have a picnic at the park, but it doesn't seem like enough."

"Y/n, that is perfect. I know this is pretty much completely new to you, but you just need to try relax a little bit. You know Chris, she's your friend, you know what she likes. She's going to love a picnic in the park, maybe a walk around after."

"Thank you Tobs."

"Hey Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Chris is going into this knowing there's a chance you realise you're not ready and she'll understand that, everyone will. There'll be no hard feelings or anything. Just if that happens, please tell her sooner rather than later. I know you won't do it on purpose, but I don't want her to get her hopes up."

"I will. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, I feel ready and I'm really hoping I am. I admit, it does feel a bit weird, but I really like her Tobin. The last thing I want to do is hurt her."

Tobin smiled slightly, pulling me into a quick hug, "I know and so does Chris. Just take it one step at a time, you don't need to rush anything or do anything that doesn't feel right."

After one last hug I made my way to the door, "Thanks Tobs, I should go get ready before I make myself late."

Before heading back to my room, I ran down to the shop to get a few things. Picking out what to buy took longer than it should have. Everything I thought about buying, I ended up second guessing if Christen actually liked it. Time was running out though so I ended up picking out some wine I thought she liked and some other picnic type things.

Despite almost making myself late, I knocked on the door at exactly 6 pm, trying my best to push down the nerves. Tobin was right, Christen was my friend, I knew she didn't expect or even really like some fancy date. There was no real reason to be this nervous. Part of it was probably because of how new it was, part of me was second guessing if I was truly ready for this, but I think that was due to nerves and not wanting to hurt Christen. Another part was because it was Christen. Gorgeous, kind, thoughtful Christen. Anyone in their right mind would be nervous to be going on a date with her. 

"Hi Y/n/n."

"Hi."

Christen smiled, kissing my cheek softly, "You okay?" 

"A bit nervous, but I'm okay. You ready to go?"

We made our way out of the hotel, stopping to pick up takeaway before starting the ten minute walk to the park. Christen didn't ask about what we were doing, instead making random conversation. Knowing I was nervous, I had a feeling she was doing it on purpose to try calm me down. It was definitely working, my nerves were fading away the longer we talked and I wasn't thinking so much about if it was enough. Instead, I was letting myself be excited about it. 

When we got to the park, Christens eyes lit up as she looked around. I found a nice spot by the lake, spreading everything out on the blanket as Christen got comfortable. "How'd you find this place? It's beautiful."

"I stumbled upon it when I went for a walk the other night."

"You went for a walk, alone at night?"

"Maybe not my best idea, but I needed to clear my head away from our room, away from the hotel."

Concern covered Christens face as she straightened slightly, "Away from our room? Was I doing something wrong?"

"No, no you didn't do anything. I was trying to figure out if I asked you out or not. I guess I was worried that I had left it too long and maybe you weren't interested anymore. I also felt a bit guilty, making you wait so long. It seems unfair to you. Got in my head about it I guess. If you can't tell, I'm a bit of an overthinker sometimes."

"Well I'm glad you did. This wasn't unfair to me, I promise. You were honest about everything Y/n, you didn't give me false hope or lie to me. That was all I could ask of you. Are you feeling okay about this?"

"I am. Honestly, it feels a little bit weird which maybe you don't want to hear, but I'm really having a good time."

Christen smiled, taking my hand gently, "Look, I don't get how it feels, but I will never dismiss anything you're feeling. You can always talk to me about it. It's okay for it to feel weird because it probably is for you, I don't take offence to that."

"Thank you. Now lets eat before it gets cold."

We spent the next couple of hours talking about anything we could think of. There had never been anyone but Talia that I could talk to so comfortably without running out of things to talk about. That was until Christen came along. Long before there were any feelings, there had always been something about her that made me feel comfortable talking to her about things. Now I craved the conversations I could have with her. I wanted to get to know her more, from the mundane to the personal. 

Conversation continued as we walked around the park hand in hand then back to the hotel when it started to get late. The nerves had long faded by now, instead being replaced by giddiness and maybe butterflies. Going on a date with Christen felt right. Despite the lingering guilt, I knew Talia would approve. I knew that out of anyone to move on with she would have chosen Christen for me. That in itself brought a sense of peace. 

---

Christen slipped under the blankets on her bed, pulling me down with her. I laughed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, mumbling something about wanting cuddles. Pulling her closer, I left a soft kiss against her forehead before speaking. "You want me to sleep in your bed tonight?" 

Christen just nodded. We had just got back from our fifth date in two weeks. They could have been spaced out since we lived in the same city, but I felt like a smitten teenager again. Instead of the nerves that plagued me for our first date, I was excited about the dates. Maybe to some it was too many too quick, but I didn't care and Christen didn't seem to either.

Despite the amount of dates we had been on, we were planning on taking things slow. It was my idea to take it slow as this was something I hadn't done in a long time. We had kissed for the first time at the end of the last one, but even though we were rooming together, we hadn't slept in the same bed yet.

"That can be arranged, but I need to get changed and brush my teeth." She groaned dramatically, but let me go with a pout. After completing my nightly routine, I took my necklace off, putting it next to the bed. It felt unfair to Christen to be sleeping in the same bed as her while still wearing my wife's ring.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking it off."

"Because you want to or because you feel you have to?" I just shrugged, Christen stood up, grabbing the necklace and putting it back around my neck before her arms wrapped around my waist from behind. "I will never make you take this off. I never want you to feel like you have to for me okay? You will always love her and that's okay. It doesn't mean you can't have that love for someone else as well."

I nodded leaning back into her. One of my biggest fears with dating someone new was that they wouldn't understand or get mad at the fact that I will always be in love with someone else. That person just happened to not be here anymore. It was scary that I already felt myself falling for Christen, she was just such a beautiful person, inside and out. I don't think I could stop myself from falling even if I wanted to.

---

Christen and I were lying on my bed as the movie credits started to play. We were supposed to go out, but I wasn't feeling up to it. Talia's birthday was in a few days and I had been thinking about her a lot. No matter how much time passed, I still missed her just as much. I was feeling somewhat guilty about the new realisation that I was in love with Christen, like I was being unfaithful to Talia. I felt guilty a lot when Christen and I first started dating. It had mostly faded over the 6 months we had been together, though it always got worse near dates to do with Talia. I just had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing to feel guilty about and that she would be happy for me.

"I hope she's proud of me," I stated quietly, mostly to myself.

Christen turned her head slightly, "Maybe I didn't know her very well, but I know she is. You've come so far in your life and career. You are an amazing person, anyone would be proud of you."

"Sometimes I wish I could have one last conversation with her. See what she thinks of my life, where I am, who I'm with. I still talk to her sometimes, almost expecting a response, but of course it'll never come."

Her fingers laced with mine, squeezing slightly, "I'm sure she's listening and she's happy that you're living the life you want. That's what the people who love us should want for us."

I rolled over so I could look at her properly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face, "Have I ever thanked you? For letting me talk about her, for understanding that me loving her doesn't take away from what I feel for you, for always being there for me on days like our anniversary, or her birthday or the anniversary of her death. It's something I am forever grateful for Chris."

"I will always do all of those things, you don't ever need to thank me. I love you Y/n, I'll always be there for you no matter what."

"Y-you love me?"

"I do. You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know."

I kissed her softly, trying to show everything I was feeling, "I love you Chris."

[ryker-writes]

TWST characters as siblings (Pomefiore and Ignihyde)

I really tried to avoid spoilers for books 5 and 6 (what we have so far of 6), but I'm not sure how well I did? So warning you now there may be spoilers if you squint.

Vil:

your family is famous

so naturally you're famous too

you kinda can't control it so even if you don't want to be, the world still knows about you

this is both great and horrible

you get perks of being famous including: free stuff, VIP access to things, more luxury items, and a bunch of support from random people

but you also have to deal with people knowing a lot about you despite having never met, haters, and less privacy

it's likely that you have some acting skills from your childhood

your dad taught both you and VIl a lot about acting, modeling, and generally being in the public eye

he likely had both you and Vil doing acting projects since you both were young even if you protested

Vil would be very understanding if you didn't like it and try to help you

but if you did want to, he would support you fully

you two have created a bond over all the projects you did together and how much your dad makes the two of you work

so Vil enjoys the fact that you two go to NRC together

he very much prefers if you are in Pomefiore with him

after all you two read stories about the evil queen a lot as kids

and if you're in Pomefiore he can protect you better from everyone else

if you're not in Pomefiore he will be upset and try to get Crowley to switch you dorms

will try to convince you to switch dorms as well

if you don't give in he will back off tho

Vil is a bit protective of you

he wants you to be around him so he can make sure no one invades your privacy, insults you, or even hurt you

you two are famous after all

when you mention some friends you made, he wants to know who they are

he won't care about getting to know them but he wants to make sure they aren't using you

he will know enough about them to know their intentions tho

similar thing if you get a partner but more intense

he's going to find out as much as he can about your partner

he will also talk to your partner about how they have to be careful because the public eye is now on him too

Vil wants to make sure that you are safe because he cares

unfortunately he thinks very lowly of everyone at the school so he hovers around you a lot

when he's around people are less likely to bother you

Vil also makes sure you know basic self defense, just in case

he also wants to make sure you're doing well in classes so he always helps you with schoolwork

also will touch up small things like your uniform or hair when he sees you

he can be quite overbearing so just let him know when he's being too much

he may be stubborn about it but if you're stubborn back about needing your space, he will get the message

he always claims that he does it to help you and you should be grateful for his help

at least that's what he says when you're out in public

there are times when it's just the two of you hanging out and he'll be more open about things

like how he does it all because he worries about you and doesn't want other people to bother you or their words to get into your head

Vil can be kind of a tough brother to deal with but he's always looking out for you

(god I could write so much on what a broken relationship vil could have with a sibling. but this post if for the overall with a good relationship so i'll leave the sad away for now. if anyone wants me to write about the broken relationship let me know-)

Rook:

you probably know how to hunt like the rest of the family

it's just part of being in the family

travelling is common in the family so you have a bit of knowledge about every land

you have a few more siblings too but they don't go to NRC

Rook is delighted his sibling is at the same school as him

he would be happy if you got into Pomefiore, but he's not upset if you don't

if you want to transfer dorms he knows how to do it so he can totally help you out

he introduces you to Vil and wants you to simply bask in his beautiful presence

he wants you to see the beauty that he sees

Rook isn't a protective brother so he doesn't mind when you make new friends

he probably already knows them because he has information on everyone

if you introduce him to your partner he will be excited to meet them

he wants to know what kind of beauty you see and will be interested to learn more about them

of course if he senses bad intentions from them he will step in

you have officially become the Rook translator

not just for his french but when he says something weird people just kinda turn to you

if you can't figure it out they assume it's hopeless

he always updates you on whatever Vil or Neige has recently done that makes them more beautiful

if you try to stop him his feelings will be hurt

it's best just to sit there and listen

he also gives you updates on interesting things he's found by stalking people

Epel:

apples

lots of apples

since you're a part of the family, you live with the rest of the family and help out on the farm

the entire family lives in one house so you are pretty close with all of them

Epel is happy to have a sibling and someone who's a little close to his age

most people in the village are older

so Epel is super happy that you get to come to NRC with him

he didn't want to be in Pomefiore so he hopes he at least has you with him in Pomefiore to make it better

if not he will be a little upset but move on

unless you get into Savanaclaw, then he's really upset

he really wanted to be in Savanaclaw so if you got in and he didn't? yeah he's throwing a fit

Epel has this image of himself in his mind where he's a super strong brother able to defend his family from anything

he's a little protective

he won't care as much about your friends unless he gets bad vibes from them

he will also introduce you to his friends

if you introduce him to a romantic partner he feels like it's his job as your brother to see if your partner is actually good for you

by that he means if they make you happy and promise to keep you safe

the family back home sends both of you apple products they didn't sell

so give some to your friends because there's no way you can handle all of it on your own

unless you can drink gallon after gallon of apple juice for days straight

Idia and Ortho:

you have grown up surrounded by technology

Idia and Ortho are your only brothers and they don't really socialize much

Ortho is able to socialize more, but he mostly sticks around Idia so it's mostly just the three of you growing up together

so the three of you are pretty close

after what happened to Ortho...you and Idia became closer than before

Idia would happily teach you about how to build technology if you were interested

the three of you often played video games together as kids and that carried on into NRC

Idia and Ortho are both very happy that you are at NRC with them

Idia is very glad he has someone else to help him survive NRC and another support system

Ortho is just happy you're there :)

Idia really hopes you're in Ignihyde with him and Ortho doesn't really mind where you end up

in fact, Ortho almost wants you to end up somewhere else so you can experience something new and exciting

while Idia does most of school as a tablet, he still relies on and hopes you save him from social situations

if both of you aren't good with social situations then it's up to Ortho

neither of them are really protective

Ortho is always encouraging you to make new friends so he's very happy when you tell him about friends

Idia is slightly worried that you're just going to forget about him

they're pretty much the same when it comes to you getting into a romantic relationship with someone

Ortho is very happy for you and Idia is more worried that you'll leave him behind

Idia has a pretty hard time saying no to whatever Ortho asks of him, but he can be pretty stubborn when it comes to social situations

but if it's you and Ortho, he may give in

together you and Ortho may successfully be able to take Idia to the park

Idia just wants to do whatever he can to see his siblings happy so he's always doing little things

usually this means he's building small devices to help with things or upgrading your current devices

both of them care about you a lot and want what's best for you

[gentil-minou]

Hi, I'm sending an ask here since i wanna stay anonymous and safe. I saw you being harassed on Twitter today, and that makes me feel very sad. I've always appreciated your analysis posts for Adrien and Marinette and know you wouldn't support depicting them as sexualized minors (which is different from aged up), you love them so much like I do, but some just take it too far to protect their so-called "justice". I hope you take a break when needed and truly wish this wouldn't affect you too much.

With love, from a fan.

I appreciate it, really. And don't worry, I am fine! It's been a few days of just rampant harassment and accusing people of doing things they never did, but in general it's just been ridiculous out there and a reminder why I stay away from mlbtwt.

The fact is that all of the accounts they dragged that I've seen so far have 1. Stated they explicitly draw aged up characters and/or 2. have done it on special nsfw accounts that are meant to be kept away from minors and 3. The people doing the dragging and bringing all this attention are 18+. This tells me that the minors themselves are being smart here and not looking at things they want to stay away from, that is until these people started showing attention to it and turning what might have been a safe space into a hellscape.

The fact is that child pornography is a VERY VERY VERY SERIOUS THING but it is not the same as people drawing/writing fictional characters. Especially when tv shows are becoming more and more explicit about this kind of thing themselves. They've taken what is actually a major concern and essentially created smoke where there was no fire, drawing attention away from a deadly blaze in the distance.

Not to mention, they are accusing real people of something so vile and heinous with complete disregard to what those people may or may have not experienced in their own lives.

I'm a huuuge advocate for using fanfiction/fanart to express yourself and more importantly to explore something in a safe way without causing danger to yourself or others. I'm not afraid to admit that I read and looked at smutty fic and fanart when I was a kid, and that it genuinely helped me learn about myself and my sexuality when I grew up in a setting that made me feel bad about it. And yes, some of what I looked at then was of minors. It is not the same thing as looking at actual child porn and I just don't even know how to explain it anymore. It's like how watching freaking true crime or video games where you shoot someone isn't going to make you do that sort of thing, and I cannot believe we have to argue this ahhh.

What makes me the most angry here is that this is actually doing the worst for teens and minors learning about and exploring their sexuality. It's already really hard to find safe ways to learn (look at how popular euphoria or sex education is with teens) or discover something about themselves. By actively making this bs argument that all nsfw art is bad they're making those teens feel actively worse!

And I work with teens like this!!!! Teens who feel shamed for their body's reaction and what is typical curiousity!!!!! Teens who without a safe a way to learn about themselves will often find themselves in the darker places where they are actually in danger and I just I cannot emphasize how much damage these twitter people are doing to the very real people they are claiming to want to protect.

I'll be explicit here and say I'm not saying minors should look at nsfw things! I'm saying that we shouldn't shame people who do, especially when they accuse people of something they aren't even doing!!!!!!!! No one is drawing child porn like ahhhh!!!!!!!!! Like I cannot even begin to explain how awful that is, to be accused of something you arent even doing just ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways I appreciate your kind words and I am taking care of myself don't worry I've been distancing myself from this fandom for a reason and it's been going well.

I just wish these folks would remember that the lives of real people are worth more than any fictional character. Too many people forget that in this fandom.

[deanstrickland]

❝ WHAT CAN I DO BUT FEEL THE WEIGHT I'M UNDERNEATH AND GRIT MY TEETH ❞

STATS:

Name: Dean Strickland

Age: 35

Face Claim: Ben Robson

Occupation: Owner of Dutch's Pawn & soul surfer

Neighborhood: South Hills

Gender & Preferred Pronouns: Cis male & he/him

BIOGRAPHY:

trigger warning: alcoholism, robbery, car accident

When Dean Strickland was born into the world it came as a surprise, with his mother’s water breaking two weeks early and not quite making it to the hospital. He was born in the backseat of his dad’s Camaro two blocks out from medical services. Since then his mother claimed Dean bulldozed his way into the world, which seemed to remain something of a personality trait throughout his life. His father, known around town as Dutch, owned a pawn shop and was the old tale of someone that completely peaked in high school. The man couldn’t let go of his glory days, when he was a football star and could have any girl he wanted, destined for something far greater than what he eventually became. Which was a gruff alcoholic with a bad temper and an affinity for blaming the world for his problems. Out of all the girls he had his pick from, Dutch chose Dean’s mother because, in his eyes, she was the prettiest. But really, she was just the most cunning. Connie saw a mealticket in Dutch, a way out and likely place somewhere on the west coast. She’s always had dreams of California and in high school it was easy to promise the world when universities were knocking on your door. Then Dean ruined everything when Connie’s pregnancy test their senior year announced that he’d be joining them in nine months. The offers seemed to whittle away and the young couple had to find a way to support themselves and the baby that was about to demand so much from their lives.

As a kid, Dean was often called Tarzan because his mom liked to keep his hair a little longer and he usually ran around everywhere in just shorts or jeans. No shirt, no shoes, just a wild and unruly boy that never said no to an adventure. He began surfing and swimming young, his above average height aided his natural abilities — he had his father’s athleticism and his mother’s agility. The wild boy was reeled in by his father who saw a potential to relive his greatness through his son, which meant that Dutch had Dean out on the water nearly every day and ripping apart youth competitions when they came. Everyone, even the big sponsors and the big names in the sport, seemed to recognize that there was something spiritual in the way Dean could surf. Like he was a demigod, given a gift from Zeus himself. Competitions just really didn’t do a damn thing for the kid. All he cared about was running wild with his friends, climbing things and getting into trouble, not being tamed to some structured routine where he had to practice and then compete against other kids he assumed had no lives because they were too busy training.

Something that was amazing as Dean grew up, aside from his size and stature, was that despite hardly attending school and classes he managed to pass every single one of them. He was smart, read a lot, but school was boring as hell and there was too much fun to be had out there. When he should’ve been in math class he was at the corner store shoplifting something just for the hell of it. English class? No, he was off stealing one of his neighbor’s riding lawn mowers and then using it to write messages in the school’s football field. Dean was arrested and tossed into cells more times than anyone could count or seemed to keep track of. Somehow his punishments never went further than a few nights in juvie. Dutch had a lot of friends about town, being a business owner and a former town hero, and that bought a lot of mercy. Maybe people even felt sorry for the family, given that Dean was looked at as some wild and unruly teen that wasn’t being raised or controlled, and his mother was in and out of rehab for drug use. She also struggled with bouts of depression, surely sad for the life she could’ve had and missed out on because she ended up with a baby at 18 and a significant other that never amounted to anything. Dutch, needing to do something with his life and support his child and baby mama, opened up a pawn shop. It became fairly successful but he couldn’t let go of all he should’ve been and all life had taken away from him. So he drank a lot and spent most of his time at the shop because it kept him from his reality at home.

By the time he had graduated high school, miraculously, Dean hit the road off and on, loosely following the pro surf circuit but never engaging in competition. He supported his little brother, gave him all the ins that were meant for him and watched him achieve success and dreams that he had actually wanted. Dean just wanted to travel, see things, surf in different spots around the globe, and of course find some trouble wherever he landed. It seemed a given in his life. But it all came to a halt when Dutch got into a drunk driving accident and suffered some brain damage as a result. Letting his brother go on and live the life, Dean came home and took up the pawn shop and eventually became owner when the power of attorney stepped in. The shop suffered to stay afloat since most of the money went to his father’s care, now that he needed it around the clock and Connie wasn’t capable. Nurses, especially the live-in kind, weren’t cheap. So, for a while, Dean supplemented the income with winnings he’d get from surf competitions. When he began to hate that, he started stealing and selling, even eventually graduated to robbery. Never once were any of those crimes committed in town, he wasn’t stupid no matter what public opinion of him may have been. He also kept things reasonable, never going out and doing anything flashy or buying something extravagant. It’s become just about living and surviving, doing what he has to for the old man and woman until they croak. Which, some days, he hopes is sooner rather than later.

[imadumdumjewel]

Coming to terms

wow why am i posting my own personal opinions in my reblog blog

but straight to the point is i am still learning to accpet myself for being different when it comes to the owl house.

YES.

IM SORRY TO SAY I STILL DONT LIKE IT.

YES IM NEURODIVERGENT

YES IM SOCIALLY AWKWARD

YES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO MEET EXPECTATIONS OF MY SOCIETY EVEN AFTER HAVING LEFT WHERE I WAS BORN

YES KING IS CUTE AND EDALYN IS FUNNY

YES BELOS/PHILLIP IS SO WELL-WRITTEN THAT I LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WANT TO PUNCH HIM AND WISH HIM DEAD

YES HUNTER WILLOW GUS ARE GOOD

YES DANA TERRACE IS TALENTED

but sadly i just cant connect or resonate with luz or amity. nor the species. palisman? well, maybe flapjack since he is cute and im sad that he died. and yes it sucks that disney has canned it as disney is stupid.

but i just cant.

maybe its because of lumity. maybe its because of the mention of the term demons. maybe its because it gets dark and traumatic quite quickly.

maybe its because dana terrace insulted people who disagreed with her agenda of using this series for lgbt ppl.

its never wrong for lgbt ppl n nonbinaries of wanting to find a conduit/outlet to express themselves. i acknowledge their presence, they're ppl after all. sadly i do have my concerns of children and teen kids finding their sexualities THIS prematurely. its better for them to find their hobbies and friends and goals and dreams first before coining their own sexualities due to media influences. and tbh i grow up in Hong Kong which is actually conservatitive as an entire capsule. my teachers and church taught me to avoid this at all cost. and i perhaps am on the spectrum of being more conservatitive.

yet whenever i voice out my concerns and reasons, ppl bash me. because they think im dissing a fabulous show and they also claim that im homophobic. not helped that the fanbase is mainly from USA and UK and Euorpean and America.

And I’ve realized that I and many can’t watch things that not only fail to match preferences, but also when a fanbase is this unacceptable to people who have a different viewpoint.

i never said that homo people and non-binary are crap. i just dont feel that way or agree with their ideas. and most of the time i just let them live. you can call me indifferent but i really dont want to care.

yet they dont care. all they think is "you dont support theowl house means you are homo and a disney apologist"

i was young, so i was taught to be afraid.

yes i acknowledge my child self was being linear. yet simultaneously i have been feeling painful for not feeling the same support as anyone else. because back when the owl house was announced, i was interested actually! after all im interested into the magic genre to an extent!

its just that after details about it was released and that enchanting grom fright came out, i no longer have the resonance. which was sad as i did glimpse that amity was showing her true colors in a positive manner.

its ok if all of you still want to fight for lgbt nonbinary trans rights. its your choice. i cant and wont object too much if you dont feel like changing your choices. live your own lives.

but pls, dont accuse me just because i think differently and is straight. and i have the right to appreciate the show despite not liking it.

Feel free for all of you to watch the owl house because you like it for your own reasons.

signing off.

[blorbosexterminator]

What do you think about the compulsory reading discourse: that students should be given easier to read books (ya books ) instead of classics? (the reasoning: because the students will find those classics boring and won't even read them)

I find it ridiculous, to be honest. It sounds exactly like should we only give kids Macdonalds because they won't like actual food? And it's obviously more ridiculous coming from literal adults ruminating on the horrible teachers that dared make them study classics. The idea that teenagers are too dumb to grasp any book slightly more complex than a ya love triangle with each character having one and a half trait with the groundbreaking theme of authority=bad is too demeaning and infantalizing.

Plus, what's a better time to read difficult texts other than when professional adults are literally being paid to help you grapple that text? When you're going to have to write about it (and thus understand it on much deeper level)? And discuss it with other people and get to hear more views into it, under the guidance of professional adults who nudge you in the right directions? I neither understand the insistence of literal adults that they were too stupid as teenagers to understand the Great Gatsby nor current teenagers who are currently crying publicly about it in the same breath as complaining that they should be "given" a voice and no one takes them seriously. I mean, if you can't understand a piece of somewhat complex fiction and insisting on your right to not even try, who would?

During the years of Middle and High school, I read a lot of YA fiction, most of what was popular at the time, John Green, the Dystopian YA genre, those fantasy novels, etc, you name it, I also read a lot of better, more established fiction, as well as, obviously, the compulsory readings I had in school, both established classics from my native country and British/American classics, Shakespeare, Shaw, Dickens, etc. I enjoyed both. I can barely remember anything of the YA fiction I read, honestly speaking, it was fun the moment of its consumption but that's it, there is no substance and at some point, the more better things you read, you'll be done with an author talking down to you, you'll aquire a taste for more refined things. YA fiction isn't the devil on Earth but humoring teenagers' institence that they are too bored by any complexity that requires their attention and curiosity and willngess to understand people that don't belong to their age group nor superficially share the same interests they do, and who are complex beings with complex thoughts and desires that don't easily fall in one group or the other and to dig for depth and profundity where they are sure to find it, then that's a sure way of raising a bunch of entitled empty-headed craps who take pride in their idiocity.

[familyvideostevie]

Ok, so I just read a post by someone about Steve post season 2 that made me HELLA SAD by steviemunson about how nobody showed for Steve's graduation (sorry tumblr doesn't let me add links which is annoying AF) so can you write something where the reader there for Steve? Like she's been in his grade so they've been friends/friendly/classmates/crushes etc throughout the years and become good friends after season 1 and she becomes his family and he confesses their graduation night?

here it is i finally wrote it! the post this is based on is here -- it's SO sad, so thank you for asking me to try to make it better! love for steve, always <3 | 1.3k, fluff, fem!reader

Steve doesn't actually ask anyone to come to his graduation. He doesn't really know who he'd ask, anyway. It's the same story as usual -- parents out of town, though they left him some crisp hundred dollar bills to celebrate with. Not like he can ask Nancy, either. And as much as he loves the damn kids that's a little much to ask them to come, right? He really just wants to get his diploma and figure out how many stores he can fill out applications for once the mall opens.

You know all of this because Steve tells you everything. It's taken a little while, but now you're close as can be. When he stopped being King Steve he was nicer, kind, even, and Nancy introduced you while they were together, since you were in the same class. So study buddies turned to friendly turned to friends, good enough that when they broke up you still wanted Steve around. And now you're graduating high school and you know everything about him from his old hair routine to his nightmare fuel. And he knows everything about you -- except how you're in love with him.

You never imagined having these feelings for him. But he's the best person you know, so how could you not? You know, more than anything, that Steve needs family and he needs people to stick by him and while he has the kids, you need to make sure that he knows he has you, too. And you'd rather be here for him like this, as his best friend, as his family, than make him have to consider complicating things for the sake of your feelings.

He picks you up early the morning of the ceremony. Your parents are coming later to support both of you, and he knows that the dinner and party they planned for this weekend are for him as much as they are for you. You've told him so every day for the last month.

"It's happening!" you shout as you make your way to his car. "We're done!" He looks real smart in a blue button up that brings out his tan and the green tie you gave him for his birthday as a joke. He's done his hair a little, and his gown is laid out nicely in the back seat. You know that despite his claims that today isn't a big deal, he spent hours figuring out how to steam it last night before he called you and asked for help.

"God," Steve groans. "I can't show up with you." You can tell immediately he's in a teasing mood, so you roll your eyes and wait for the punch line. "You're way too pretty for Hawkins High graduation."

"Har har," you say, cheeks flushing. You'll never tire of how he makes you feel even when he's teasing.

"Get in, prettiest girl in Indiana," he says, shaking his head before winking at you and pulling away from the curb once you're settled.

__

At the actual ceremony your last name comes before Steve's so you sit a few rows in front of him but you wish he was next to you. Every time you turn around he's already looking, ready to mouth a joke or pull a face. When you walk across the stage you can hear him hollering your name, screaming louder than your entire family.

"That's my best friend!" he shouts. You don't look so you can focus on not tripping, but you can't stop smiling. And when it's Steve's turn, when you hear titters in the crowd of your peers at his name, you stand up and whistle. You know your family is cheering and probably some other people, but you can only see him. He finds you right away as he shakes Principle Higgins's hand, and it feels like you're the only two people on the lawn. The thought that in another life he would be up there with no one to cheer for him breaks your heart.

The rest of the ceremony goes quickly, and before you know it you're throwing your hat in the air and then it's a mess. Students run around hugging each other and finding their families, but you stand where you are because you know Steve is coming for you. And he does. He's always been able to find you in every room, every crowd. Like magnets, he once joked.

"We did it!" you exclaim. Your cheeks hurt from smiling as he wraps you in his arms and lifts you, twirling around just once as you squeal. He's warm and solid and so handsome in his stupid gown.

"All for a piece of paper, huh?" he says, but his eyes are bright and he's grinning. His hair is a mess, so you reach up to fix it. He leans into your touch but his eyes don't leave yours. You know you need to take him to your family where they're waiting with flowers for both of you but being this close to Steve is intoxicating, a luxury you don't allow yourself very much. So you savor it.

"I thought I would hate today," he confesses. The hand not holding his diploma rests on your hip. "But I'm just happy. Not thinking about anything else."

"Me too, Steve," you reply. "Now we get to celebrate!" He ducks his head a little, still smiling as he shakes it. Your palm comes to rest on his chest, waiting for him to pull away. But he doesn't -- instead, he looks back at you and there's a glint in his eyes that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, he's about to say the unthinkable --

"I have to tell you something," he rushes out. "And I...I think it's going to be okay if I do. Because you're you." He tucks his diploma under his arm and quick as a flash his hands are framing your face.

"Steve?" you breathe out.

"I'm in love with you," he says. "I've loved you for months now and you're my best friend and no one is here for me but you and the people who love me because you do." His voice is firm, sure, like he practiced this in the mirror this morning. "I was looking at you from the stage and it was like there wasn't anyone else here and all I could see was you smiling at me and I just --"

"Stevie," you interrupt. He preens at the nickname, jaw snapping shut as his thumbs trace your cheekbones. Maybe it's the pride in your accomplishment, maybe it's the atmosphere of this warm day, but you've just graduated and you have your best friend in your arms and he loves you, so you plow on. "Steve, I'm in love with you."

"Yeah?" He's breathless, looking at you like he can't believe his eyes.

"Yeah," you say, so happy, so in love. "Yeah, I love you." He had to know, clearly he thought so, since he decided to confess on his own. But it's worth it to see the way it transforms his face, his whole body, as he sags with the happy weight of your affection. You can't wait any longer so you surge up to kiss him. You can't touch him as much as you want since you are still holding your diploma but Steve does his best to make up for it -- one warm palm comes to your back, the other moving into your hair. You're both smiling a little too much for it to be a very good kiss, but it's your favorite first kiss ever. And you know there will be many more chances for you to try again.

You can hear your family calling your names so you break off and grab his hand and he shines like the sun. You can hardly tear your eyes away from him and he presses one more quick peck to your mouth before you step into the rest of your lives.

want to be added to my tag list for full-length (non-ask) fics? send me a message and specify for steve, eddie, or both!

reblog, send feedback, requests open, masterlist here!

[celestiababie]

FIC RECS

I've been wanting to make one of these for a while since I've REALLY gotten back into reading.

(M) stands for MATURE

💫 stands for FAVORITE

Credit goes to all of these wonderful writers who have made my days better because of their amazing writing! Please show these guys your support if you loved their fic(s) as much as I did.

Jung Jaehyun

1) Sleep Well, Princess by @anashins (M)

When you were six, you developed a crush on your older brother's best friend. When you were thirteen, you fell head over heels in love with him. When you were sixteen, you decided to wait for when the time was right. When you were nineteen, he rejected you.

2) Out Kids Talk about Us/Let's Talk about Our Kids by @anashins (M)

After his beloved wife's death, Jaehyun still wears his wedding ring to keep women away from him. When your kids become friends and his daughter starts to move on, he suddenly finds himself being the one stuck in the past.

Jaehyun has vowed to never marry again after his wife's death while you don't want to be tied down to someone who cannot fully commit to you. Yet, you can't seem to move on from each other.

My notes: This was sad but really cute. I might just be anashins trash tho.... Jaehyun's character in this was really interesting to experience and the way things unraveled was SO COMPELLING TO READ.

3) Under your skin by @neoculturetravesty (M)💫

Isn't it really complicated when one fuck buddy starts catching feels and wanting more? But is it you or Jaehyun?

My notes: One of my all-time favorites because I am a sucker for pining. The sexual chemistry was also really hot and the angst did hit hard which is what I love out of my angst.

4) Lie to me by @neoculturetravesty (M)💫

Jaehyun knows he's playing with fire when he keeps booking the most beautiful girl that the high end mafia-owned escort service has to offer.

My notes: This has got to be my favorite Jaehyun fic ever- It's so intense and I've found myself coming back to reread it over and over. It might be a bit too intense for some people and I totally get that. But the breaking of Jaehyun's character is amazing to read.

5) Every Lie You Type (on-going social media au!) by @duhnova 💫

Y/n is a first year psychology student who is a helpless romantic, Johnny is a second year photography student who has a messed up view on love after a toxic relationship and nasty breakup with his ex. When the two meet they instantly click and their future together is looking bright until someone from the past comes back and tears them apart. Now everything is messed up and Johnny has to work to fix his mistakes before it becomes too late.

My notes: I know the summary is all about Johnny but just trust me okay? JOIN TEAM JAEHYUN.

Johnny Seo

1) Every Lie You Type (on-going social media au!) by @duhnova 💫

Y/n is a first year psychology student who is a helpless romantic, Johnny is a second year photography student who has a messed up view on love after a toxic relationship and nasty breakup with his ex. When the two meet they instantly click and their future together is looking bright until someone from the past comes back and tears them apart. Now everything is messed up and Johnny has to work to fix his mistakes before it becomes too late.

My notes: Fuck Johnny. But you guys should seriously check this smau out! I love how detailed the back stories of the characters are, and I'd recommend looking at the asks on their account for even MORE story.

2) Off the record by @tyonfs (M)

When you get the biggest scoop on one of the sports teams, you're determined to get in on the front page of the school newspaper. Unfortunately, your only lead is the basketball team's captain, Johnny Suh, and not only is he a tough nut to crack, but he's also a little too good at distracting you.

3) Claim: Alpha!Johnny by @smileysuh (M)

When a pack offers up you, an omega, to Johnny as a show of 'good faith', he knows he needs to get you out of there. The tricky part is introducing you to his all alpha pack and making it clear that he doesn't have a claim on you and that you're free to choose any mate you'd like. As your first hear living with Johnny looms, tensions rise.

Nakamoto Yuta

1) On a Night Call by @anashins (M)

Since you're still not over your past relationship, your friend recommends a guy to you who should help you feel a bit less lonely. You expect a therapist or a fortune teller when that night, an escort boy stands in front of you. And he's determined to do his job right.

Choi Soobin

1) First love (masterlist) by @softhoures (M) 💫

Your boyfriend, Soobin, has trouble confessing to you that he's a virgin. After a loss of communication, some insecurity, and lots of research, he wants you to be his fist time as well as his first love.

Now that Soobin's got a taste of you, he wants even more. He has so much he wants to try! Good thing his roommate, Yeonjun, is out of town from another couple days ;)

Soobin takes you to meet his family for the first time for Christmas! Things take a turn when Soobin gets jealous and needs a reminder of just who you're in love with.

My notes: I FUCKING LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS. SO SO SO SO GOOD.

2) Bunny hybrid!Soobin by @crowhyun (M)

As a bunny hybrid, Soobin is having the hardest time controlling his natural instincts and needs. He goes as far as working with and befriending humans in order to keep his hybrid side in check. Then, he gets evicted from his small apartment, and his forced to move back on campus in the bunny dorm. Because he's not used to living with other bunnies, he gets overwhelmed. Once a certain embarrassing accident happens, he suddenly becomes attached to someone.

Kim Mingyu

1) I can't runaway by @gyukult (M) 💫

Everyone expresses love in different ways. That doesn't exclude you.

My notes: PINING MINGYU IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER.

2) Though you weren't mine by @dropsofletters

New in town, with judgement following after every step she takes in life, the least she expects is to find a box filled with cd's that reads 'throw away' written in messy handwriting on its cardboard surface. When looking at the videos, she realizes there is a highlight to her day-as if he was part of a sitcom, and his name is Kim Mingyu. The downside? She doesn't know where to find him. Once existing in the same house as hers, no one knows where he went, but his smile remains petrified inside her head.

3) Sugar and you by @97-liners

In which Mingyu is an idealistic pastry chef, and you're a cynical wedding planner who doesn't believe in love.

Yoon Jeonghan

1) Cigarettes & coffee by @gyukult (M)

My notes: There was no summary but it was a fun read!

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"

[uncpanda]

The Ties that Bind: Penelope

Synopsis of series: Being the older sister of a literal genius? It’s not easy. Raising said genius from childhood on? An act of love. Uprooting your life again when he gets in over his head? A no brainer. Finding a new family and support system for yourself? Well, you suppose that’s just luck.

Master List

Requested by: @ssavanessa22 

You nearly cry when you hear your phone ring. It’s two o’clock in the morning and all you want to do is sleep, but that’s Spencer’s ringtone. “Hello.” You can hear the sleep in your voice. Spencer says your name, and it’s so serious that it makes you more alert, “What happened?” 

“It’s Garcia. She’s been shot.” 

You don’t know Spencer’s team well. Since moving to DC you’ve seen them a time or two, more Hotch and Gideon than anyone else, but you know Garcia is important to Spencer. “What hospital are you at?” He names it, and you start getting dressed. “I’ll be there ASAP. Love you.” And then you hang up. 

You’re out the door a few minutes later. You make it to the hospital in record time, and locate the waiting team. Spencer shoots you a sad smile and you get a few curious looks from the other members of the team. You realize that, with the exception of Hotch, they don’t recognize you.

Spencer is quick to reintroduce you, “Guys, this is my sister. Sis, you’ve met Hotch, and JJ, and Morgan is on his way. But these are Agents Emily Prentiss, she took over for Elle, and this is Agent David Rossi, he took over for Gideon.” 

You give a wave and Prentiss looks at Spencer, “You have a sister? How did I not know this?” 

“I’m not as smart as him, so he’s ashamed of me. He keeps me hidden until he needs me.” 

Spencer sputters in indignation while the rest of the team tries to hide smiles, “I am not embarrassed of you.” He turns to the team, “I’m not embarrassed of her! She raised me. From the time I was four and she was nine, she raised me. One time she even made me an Aardvark costume for Halloween, it’s why I love the holiday so much, and she got me my first magic kit, and . . .” 

You lay a hand on his shoulder, “And I was kidding Spencer.” 

“Oh.”  He’s silent for a second, “That’s mean.” 

Agent Rossi snorts, “No. It was funny.”

  You shrug, “Still, probably not the time for it. Spencer told me Garcia was hurt. She handles the tech side of things, right?” 

Agent Hotchner nods, “That’s right. The police think it was a random mugging. We haven’t heard much of anything else.” 

“Does she have any family in the area?” 

JJ gives you a sad smile, “Us.” 

You nod, “Okay then. How about I do the coffee run then? Any special orders?” 

They answer all together, “Anything strong.” 

You snort, “That’s easy enough.” 

Dave steps forward, “I’ll come along and help you carry everything.” 

You study him for a second. Spencer had told you all about the Agent who had come out of retirement. Apparently he’d been working as a lone wolf, insulting people with his actions and his words, and putting the team in jeopardy in some cases. You didn’t like that. “That’d be awesome. Thank you.” 

The two of you walk in silence for a while. You have to go outside of the hospital to a twenty-four/ seven diner to find some decent coffee. And it’s as you wait in line to place the order that he asks, “You really raised the boy genius?” 

“Yep.” 

“That couldn’t have been easy.” 

You shrug, “I did what needed to be done.” 

He doesn’t pry any further than that, but you figure it’s your turn, “Any particular reason you felt a need to get out of the hospital?” 

He looks at you, and studies you for a second before saying, “I’m not really part of the team. I’m too old school.” 

“That’s bull shit.” 

He startles at that, “Excuse me.” 

“That sentence reminds me of the older teachers I work with who insist they could never operate a computer or smartphone, or when they do and the second something goes wrong they throw a fit and claim it’s out to get them. It’s an excuse. Something didn’t immediately click, or you think it’s going to be hard so you come up with an excuse or a refusal. 

“Instead of putting in the work to get to know your team and become one of them, you stick to the old ways. You hide behind how things used to be done. Grow up.” 

“Excuse me?” 

You look him in the eyes, “You heard me. Grow up. Spencer tells me you came out of retirement. I don’t know why, but I’m sure you have your reasons. But those reasons can’t interfere with the team and they can’t keep you from growing. My baby brother is on that team, and I’ve watched enough movies and television shows to know that shit, gets people killed. And if you get my baby brother hurt or killed I’ll come after you with a viciousness that serial killers wish they possessed.” 

“Are you really threatening an FBI agent?” 

You look him in the eye, “I said what I said.” 

The serious face remains for a second before it cracks, “Good.” 

You roll your eyes, “Gideon said you were an emotional guy.” 

“Gideon?” You wince at the slip up, and blame your lack of sleep. “You’re in touch with him?” 

You sigh, “We meet for coffee whenever he’s in town. He wanted to make sure Spencer and the team were alright, without there being a chance of him being dragged back in.” 

You blessedly reach the counter before you can spill any other secrets, and place the order. But before you can pay, Dave hands over a hundred dollar bill and tells the woman to keep the change. Her eyes are wide, and she thanks him profusely. 

The two of you step to the side and Dave clears his throat, “I’m only going to ask this one question, is he okay?” 

You smile, “He’s happy. I don’t know about okay? He’s going through a bucket list. He’s climbing mountains, hang gliding, he’s talking about going overseas to Italy. Said something about food and pasta and a little restaurant that had been recommended to him.” 

Dave laughs, “He’s always loved to cook. And I recommended that one day he go to Italy and just eat anything he could get his hands on. Glad to hear he’s enjoying retirement.” 

The two of you make your way back to the hospital loaded down with coffee, and one hot chocolate. Spencer is staring at a book while the others pace around the waiting room. You hand out coffees to everyone but your brother, he gets hot chocolate. His brow furrows, “Seriously?” 

“Tell me you’ve slept more than three consecutive hours over the past three days and I’ll 

give you my coffee.”  

He glares at you and takes a big sip of his hot chocolate. You lean down and ruffle his hair. It provides a quick moment of relief for the team. And then you all settle in to wait. When Derek shows up, the team surrounds him and you keep to the back. Spencer has told you all about Derek and Penelope’s friendship. It seems to be the thing of magic in your opinion. 

When you get word that she’s okay, everyone seems to take a deep breath. You don’t get a chance to see Penelope, you have work despite your lack of sleep, and tell Spencer to call you if he needs anything. You get through the day without any calls, but when you get home, you can immediately tell something is different. 

You push the door open to find Spencer and his team in your apartment. Your brother gives you a sheepish grin, “We need a safe house.” 

Your eyes go to Penelope, you can tell she’s in pain. You set your purse down, “Would you get her in my bed please. She needs to rest.” 

Emily and JJ shoot you a smile before guiding her into your bedroom. Derek’s hands go to his hips, “I don’t want to intrude, but do you mind if I stay too? I’ll take the floor, and you can have the couch. No one should be able to track us here, but I want to make sure the two of you stay safe.” 

Spencer nods, “I’m staying too.” 

“That’s fine. Is anyone else coming over? I should have more than enough food to make dinner for everyone.” 

JJ and Emily come back out, “She’s settled, and we’re on our way back to the office. So, it should just be you four.” 

“I’ll get cooking.” 

The girls head out and Spencer settles on the couch with a book. Derek paces around the place. Eventually, you get tired of it and whistle. His eyes go to you, and you slide  garlic over for him to mince. He smiles and gets to work. 

It’s not a late night. You have work the next day, and you’re exhausted from the previous night. Derek and Spencer make a pallet on the floor and you take the couch after checking on Penelope. 

You’re woken up by the sound of gunshots outside. You know there’s an officer outside: an extra precaution. Spencer pulls you to the floor before you can blink, and Derek guides you to the bedroom. He hides you and Penelope in the bathroom, while he and Spencer head out. When he hands you a gun, your eyes go wide. You barely hear his instructions. You don’t like guns. You click the safety back on, and wrap your arms around Garcia. She snuggles in. 

Five minutes later Derek and Spencer are back. And twenty minutes after that, the team is back. You watch from the shadows as they start questioning Garcia, when Dave starts being a little mean, you step forward and catch his eye.

He frowns, rolls his eyes, and steps back. From there, everything is a blur. You watch as Garcia hacks the FBI, and then the cameras, and from there you watch as the man who shot Penelope is taken out. It makes you really glad to be a teacher. 

You go ahead, and call in put in for the next day off from work. You head into the FBI offices with everyone else, despite the exhaustion. You settle at Spencer’s desk as they all talk through things. You’re nearly asleep at the desk, when a hand settles on your shoulder. 

You look up at Dave, he smiles, “You okay kiddo.” 

“I’m not used to this much excitement.” 

He nudges you, “Come on, I’ll take you home.” 

Spencer stands, “You mind if I stay the night at your place?” 

“Nope. You can have the couch.” 

Spencer jogs ahead, and as you’re about to head out the door, Penelope grabs your arm and smiles at you, “Thank you.” 

You smile back, “Don’t mention it. I’m happy to help. Make sure to get some rest.” 

And with that, you head out. Once you’re back in your apartment and Spencer is settled on the couch, you take out your phone and send a text to Gideon, “You up for coffee tomorrow?” 

His response is short and sweet, “Tomorrow. 2pm. The usual place.” 

And feeling reassured you go ahead and collapse in bed. 

[meanqueens]

Saw that ask about Targ stans being gleeful over the fact that Alicent's "line" died out and Rhaenyra's got the throne - and I really find that odd. I mean, there seems to be this perception among them that Alicent's kids are not "Targaryens" but Hightowers. For me, aside from the obvious suffering of the realm and small-folk, the actual tragedy of the dance is that it tore a family apart. Everyone knows the, "A Targaryen alone in the world" line, implying the importance of family. In the very first episode of hotd Daemon talks about how their blood is thick, and Viserys himself talks about the importance of sticking together as a unit. The opening lines of the show were literally that the only thing capable of destroying the Targaryens were they themselves. We see it throughout their history: if they had kept tight as a family, they wouldn't have fallen apart the way they did (Aenys and Maegor, the Blackfyres&Bittersteel, Aerys not being etc...).

Besides, I honestly don't get feeling gleeful over a mother's grief, no matter what. I felt awful for Rhaenyra when her sons died (honestly, I don't know how much she would've enjoyed Aegon and Viserys ruling when she lost Jacaerys, Lucerys and Joffrey). I felt awful for Alicent when she outlived her children and grandchildren (that line about how she wanted to see her sons and Helaena was one of the saddest in the book). And I felt awful for the kids themselves (at least, those who were pulled into the conflict not out of their own volition but because of responsibility toward/association with their family; most of them were so young).

thank you for your ask!!

anon, i think that's an excellent insight on stans implying that alicent and her children are not truly "part of the family", and thusly perceived as outsiders and enemies coming to tear the targs down.

and, frankly, that's objectionably simplifying the situation. that's part of the point, that all of these people were supposed to have some sense of loyalty to each other due to the notion of "family", and yet the chaos of choices drove them apart. this is not to say that just because one is "family" one must unconditionally support them, no no. but there were decisions made by people in power that weren't thought through well enough to consider how it would affect descendants down the line (looking at you, jae/haerys and vi/serys). these decisions laid the pieces in place for everything to go wrong, for people to turn on each other and feel like they had to choose a side (or were too young to fully understand what that meant).

i'm just gonna say it: to boil it down to "alicent started the war/dance" is clearing every other player of responsibility, because no, no it wasn't only her (debatably it wasn't her at all). aegon ii would not have gotten as far as he did if his claim was not arguably legitimate, which it was because he was, undeniably, the son of the former king. he was targ/aryen, as were his siblings, as was his mother a targ/aryen queen. they were valid members of the dynasty, whether they wanted to be or not. "othering" them does such a disservice to the story and removes so many layers.

and even if one doesn't like certain characters over others, it still gives off a sour energy to celebrate the suffering of mothers who were neither good nor bad, just people, and mourn children that didn't deserve what happened to them. it's just horrible and sad, and i can't help but contemplate how different things could have been if it weren't for, bluntly, the patriarchy and the men it empowered.

[valtsv]

Yeah I know what you feel I see stories popping up every so often about people saying horrible things in twitch streamers chat and they do nothing to stop it and I’m like I’d have a nervous breakdown if there was so much racism in my chat and then at the same time I see people that Stan creators and I’m like shit even if the creator doesn’t turn out to be horrible it’s still like almost a cult but the creator didn’t even want to make one. No need to answer this ask just wanted you to know others have a similar opinion on the situation

yeah. the issue with addressing parasocial relationships

is that they're extremely complicated to discuss, because everyone involved in them past the point where boundaries get blurred and ignored is in some way a victim because they're not healthy for anyone. and anything you do as a content creator feeds into them. and no matter what you say or do some people will continue doing things you've said you're uncomfortable with because it doesn't match up with the version of you they've formed a relationship with in their heads. or to get a reaction out of you because the possibility of receiving your attention, no matter how realistic, is a major part of what fuels a parasocial relationship. (which is not me saying content creators shouldn't address things like racism and other forms of bigotry in their fanbases, but there's only so much they can do and even if they try to block or ban as many people as possible to discourage them there's always some people who'll slip past because there's just too much for one person or even a team of mods to keep up with 24/7).

and at the same time content creators do use these relationships to make money through fan meetups, selling merch, random interactions online, etc. which in a way can't be helped because that's how they make their careers but does arguably exploit people who've fallen off the parasocial deep end and need help and support getting out of that mindset. but also any creator with a platform cannot bear responsibility for or offer support to every single person who claims to be a fan of them and in fact could cause more harm than good by feeding into that desire for attention.

parasocial relationships can drive people to do increasingly desperate and unreasonable things in pursuit of that (entirely human, but often unreasonable and unhealthy in parasocial relationships) need to receive validation, which is unfortunately just the nature of online spaces to develop because we all post and interact with each other at least partly to receive the validation of other people liking our content and, by extension, especially in parasocial relationships, us.

i'm speaking from experience. i used to be addicted to receiving validation online (and i am a former addict, so i don't make that comparison without understanding the implications) because there is a high that comes with seeing the numbers of likes and shares and positive comments on your content go up and it is possible to get addicted to that rush. i did, and it took me the better part of a year after realizing how negatively it was affecting my life and therapy - no, i'm not kidding - to start to make progress and no longer be obsessed with pleasing strangers online who know very little about me and don't really care about me even if they think they do (and this is not in any way an attack on my followers, i'm sure many of you are good, kind, helpful people, but at the same time the concept of me that exists in your minds and you care about is a parasocial one.)

this is even harder if you're a content creator who has a career online. i don't make any money from posting on tumblr. so it doesn't matter if i produce less content or don't consistently interact with the people who follow me for that content. but if you do, it's not easy to step away from that and try to recover from and distance yourself from parasocial relationships and set boundaries when your whole career relies partly on them. even if it gets to a point where, like me, they're harming your wellbeing. it took me months of obsessively checking my social media and follower count and having panic attacks when i couldn't or my activity dropped, struggling to sleep and having anxiety attacks because i couldn't think of enough fun new content to share, struggling in classes and at work because my attention was elsewhere, and feeling despair to the point of having depressive episodes brought on by people saying hurtful things about me or criticizing me about things that weren't my fault and i couldn't control, before i even considered that i needed to do something about the parasocial hell i'd dug myself into. and i don't make a single cent. if i did, it would have been a lot harder. maybe even impossible.

this is really just a ramble with no conclusion but it just frustrates me and makes me really sad that parasocial relationships can cause so much lasting harm to people, both content creators and their fans, and there's not really any solution except seeking therapy one day and hopefully being able to heal from the damage. although i do think talking more openly about and spreading awareness of parasocial relationships would also help people find support and think more carefully about how they interact with people and consume content online (without ruining the fun!).

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

The Owl House and pacing, a perspective from a fanfic writer that works with a large cast

I’ve seen a bunch of complains about the way The Owl House is paced lately. People claiming that it’s bad writing, and rushed, and whatnot. But from how I see it, you’re complaining for all the wrong reasons, and to the wrong people.

TL;DR: this is an overlaying issue with Disney and the industry that doesn’t allow long shows anymore, essentially forcing writers to pick between good pacing and complex stories being told with large casts.

For context: the fandom I wrote for before I got into The Owl House had a pretty small main cast. There were a few reoccurring characters, but most of them only showed up like five total times over the course of four seasons or had little personality, so my main cast I was writing about always consisted of my main five characters, with occasional cameos here and there. All characters were living together and experienced the adventure from the same perspective. There was one overarching storyline and not multiple. The interpersonal relationships still varied, though, for obvious reasons.

Now think about how large The Owl House cast is, and why that’d send them running into issues. Or don’t, because I have a whole-ass in depth analysis under the cut because this got unreasonably long.

(Also I’d appreciate a reblog, I spent… an unreasonable amount of time on this, lol)

The Owl House is different. There’s the main characters: Luz, Eda, King, maybe Hooty, technically (someone recently pointed out that he’s technically the titular character of the show and I’m still processing that, lol).

But they also have a HUGE additional cast to work with. There’s Lilith, Eda’s sister, and the main antagonist of season one, who has a lot to her character and gets a ton of screen time. There’s Amity, and there’s Willow and Gus, Luz’s friends. They’re all very fleshed out characters, and got a bunch of screen time and development, despite “only” being reoccurring characters and not the main characters.

Then there’s characters that have played a fairly minor role so far. There’s Belos, the big bad villain, who we will likely learn a lot more about this season. There’s the Golden Guard, the new main antagonist our cast deals with personally, who we’re just starting to learn more about. There’s Camila, Luz’s mom, who, despite only showing up a couple of times in the show so far, is very relevant to Luz and how the plot will ultimately turn out. There’s Edric and Emira, Amity’s siblings, who despite only showing up a few times as well seem to have a very worked out personality and background and also have a story that is (at least to some extent) going to be told according to the AMA.

There is at least one more seemingly important character whose role in the bigger story is hard to tell at this point, Raine, but according to the description of the episode, they’re probably going to influence the story a bunch.

There’s Alador and Odalia, who are responsible for a lot of their children’s toxic behaviors, and seem to have bigger plans that will probably be relevant later on.

The characters that are only focused on for an episode or two (like Matt and the troublemaker kids) all have very worked out personalities and even short arcs.

And heck, even characters like Boscha, who is extremely minor and seems like a very one-dimensional bully for the most part, get their moments that hint at there being more to them. We know Boscha has a clingy mom, that apparently has a rivalry with Odalia and works with Amity’s parents. The scene at the beginning of Wing It Like Witches tells us a lot about her general mindset and how she’s embraced that winning at whatever cost is the only thing that matters.

This leaves us with: 3-4 main characters

3 friends with fleshed out stories

Lilith, who is probably the most relevant aside from the main cast

Belos, the main antagonist, and the Golden Guard, currently starting to become a lot more relevant

A whole handful of minor reoccurring characters that have the potential to become bigger characters at any point in time

A handful of minor reoccurring characters that mainly seem to be there to further the story, but still get to have distinctive personalities and motivations (looking p.e. at the troublemaker kids)

That is AT LEAST 9 pretty major, relevant characters whose stories have to be tackled in the same show, in addition to the people that joined in season two and a huge supporting cast of well-developed characters that clearly also have stories of their own, even if not all of them will get told.

On top of that, the Owl House lives from exploring different relationships and different storylines. There’s the overarching story of how flawed the system is that will likely end with them overthrowing Belos, but there’s so much more.

Eda and the curse. Eda becoming a better mentor for Luz. Eda coming to terms with the loss of her magic.

Luz learning to cast magic with glyphs. Making friends for the first time. Slowly falling in love with Amity. Fighting to be able to learn whatever kind of magic she wants to. Learning that she’s not a burden to people. Struggling with her relationship with her mom, and trying to restore the portal so she can get back to her. Figuring out her future and what she really wants.

Lilith trying to cure Eda, and now in season two coming to terms with the loss of her magic and fixing her relationship with her sister. Lilith learning to ask for help.

Willow switching tracks. Willow growing more confident.

Amity becoming a better person, fixing her relationship with Willow, standing up to her parents, falling in love with Luz. Starting to fix her relationship with her siblings.

King finding out where he came from.

Hints at Gus struggling with decision making and stressing himself out less. Gus learning to be more selfless. Struggling with his magic track and being the youngest in his grade.

The newly introduced plot point with the Golden Guard. The plot point about the rebellion that will get introduced next episode.

The mystery with the letters.

And I’m like 90% sure I’ve forgotten something.

That is… a lot of different plots and relationships that are in some way important to the story.

In comparison, as stated, the last show I wrote for focused mostly on the same five characters and their relationships with each other, and one overarching plotline aside from some minor interpersonal relationships with two people’s family members that weren’t even introduced for several seasons. The first season fully focused on establishing the bond within this found family with exactly 1 important reoccurring character, an antagonist that had little personality and got a total of one line of backstory before he died.

If you have 90% of a season to develop 5 characters who live together, that’s a lot easier to do than developing twice the amount of important characters + introducing reoccurring characters season one of The Owl House has—the majority of which have separate lives and do not live together and thus can’t be focused on at the same time.

I’ve seen a bunch of people complain recently that the pacing of The Owl House is off, that the writing is bad, that the show is rushed, etc. etc.

And I get those complains. Believe me, as a viewer and also as an author that takes a lot of time to develop each character and their issues individually, I 100% get it.

But as an author that’s currently learning how hard it is to tackle a cast of the size that The Owl House has, I’ve also come to a whole different understanding from the perspective of the writers on the show.

For context, Locked Out focuses on a couple of serious themes, in the same way that the show does. It has 4 main plotlines: Amity Camila and Luz, Edric and Emira, Eda and Lilith, Willow and the Grudgby Squad (as well as a Gus arc that ties into the last one while also being its own thing, we’re getting to that part). So far, it prominently features: Luz, Amity, Camila, Eda, Emira, Edric, Willow and Gus, and to a lesser extent King, Lilith and Boscha, Skara and Amelia in relation to the separate plots.

That’s eight main characters across five different households. And then there’s the reoccurring characters that will have a larger role later on that I’ve not even had the opportunity to bring into the story yet/feature in a more prominent way. The cast is still growing.

And heck, I have all the time in the world to write this thing, because I don’t have an episode limit, or a deadline, or a limited amount of money to produce it.

For Locked Out, it took me 120k to get through a single week of plot at a very high level of character development, with about as many important characters as TOH has in season 1, and with an equally high number of reoccurring characters, some minor, some major. I think you can compare it to the show pretty well. I’d say, if I were to split Locked Out into episodes, I’d set one episode at about 10k. That would be 12 episodes. 12 episodes to get through a single week. Heck, even if I said 20k words were to be one episode, which I’m pretty sure is too much realistically, that would still be 6 episodes for one week.

And TOH covers more than three months.

That would be at least 72 total episodes to get through the three months of summer camp. And we’re currently progressing past that point.

72 episodes.

Let that sit for a while o.o

Everything that’s happened in season one (which as we know now was about 2 months) would have happened in 48 episodes rather than 19. Pacing-wise, everything would happen at less than 0.5x the speed. The first four episodes of season two would’ve been 24 episodes, assuming we hadn’t skipped a week and a half and had instead shown the immediate aftermath of the petrification ceremony, too.

And I’d love if we could have that, and if we could actually develop the characters and their relationships that thoroughly.

But the sad fact is that shows like The Owl House do not get the amount of episodes that would be required to develop every single aspect of the show to its fullest potential. Disney rarely greenlits shows of 150 episodes anymore. They used to, once, (Phineas&Ferb for example had 130+ episodes—you could tell one hell of a story in that many episodes), but that’s not a thing anymore. And the writers know that going into a show. They know the chances their story will be told in that way are very low.

And thus, the writers, especially ones working with large casts, have to make a choice: cut characters they love, and plots that are important to them, because they know they won’t get the amount of episodes required to do everything perfectly, OR include most of what they want to do, but at the cost of the pacing being off and everything seemingly happening too fast.

The Owl House crew went with the second option. The biggest issue the show has isn’t bad writing. The show’s biggest issue is that its cast and the story the crew members want to tell are too big for the amount of episodes they’ve been given (especially now that Disney decided to cut season 3 down into just three 44 minute specials).

And that’s on Disney, and Disney alone.

The crew is making the most of the amount of episodes they have, and unfortunately the lack of time forces them to rush things, and to sometimes sideline characters to focus on others.

Lilith got a bunch of screen time in the first four episodes. I’m sad to see her go, but she’s basically guaranteed to be back by season 2B. And there’s other people that have gotten way less focus than her so far. We‘ve seen basically nothing of Willow and Gus for the first few episodes, and I’m super happy Gus finally got some focus! We haven’t been inside Hexside all season except to see Luz expelled! And episode seven is even going to introduce a new character. Sometimes there’s parts of the story that certain characters don’t have a place in. And it sucks if they’re characters you like. But Lilith has to go for a bit so other characters can get the same amount of spotlight she did. At the end of the day, Lilith is not part of the main cast. She’s a very important reoccurring character, yes, but so are Amity, Willow and Gus. The main characters are Eda, Luz and King, and they’re the only ones that will always be around. And heck, even Eda got sidelined for a bit in the last two episodes, because we needed to focus on other characters. If not even the main characters are always around because we need some spotlight time for other characters, you can’t expect any more minor reoccurring cast member to be.

God, I wish they’d be given more time and more episodes to bring every part of the plot to its full potential, but they don’t have those, so they sometimes have to take shortcuts that unfortunately cheapen the story here and there. It’s the only way they can hope to tell their story to the end at all. And that makes me hella sad because it’s so obvious that they have an incredible story to tell, and that there’s so much more to so many of the characters we just don’t have the time to focus on.

The thing is: I liked the episode with Gwendolyn. It sends an important message that will hopefully get some parents who watch with their children thinking, and I’ve seen a couple of people talk about how close to home it hit for them. I have also seen a couple of people complain about that being too fast—and also just in general about things in the show getting sorted out too fast. And I get it. At least with this particular episode, I 100% get it.

(I’ve also seen some people complain that “Amity stood up to her parents too fast in Escaping Expulsion”, but I vehemently disagree with that. We’ve been building towards that moment since season one, with her doing more and more things that were technically defying her parents. I don’t see how this was rushed.)

Just… please don’t blame the writers. Dana even said that Keeping Up A-Fearances is one of the episodes that hit very close to home for her in the recent stream iirc? So I highly doubt this was rushed on purpose, or because the whole thing is “bad writing” when the entire writing quality of the show says otherwise.

A lot of shows in general have the issue that they have to be written season by season rather than as a full story these days, because there’s always a chance that they won’t get a next season. How large scale the story they want to tell actually is doesn’t matter if there’s a solid chance they won’t get to do any of it.

From a viewer perspective, I get being frustrated at the pacing being off. But from a writer perspective, the chances are very high that this is a choice they had to make, rather than one they wanted to make. And I don’t think you can truly see this if you’ve never worked with a fleshed out cast that large—Locked Out was really eye-opening for me in that regard.

This isn’t simply a case of bad writing/bad pacing by choice. It’s forced. They’re forced to rush through their plots because otherwise they won’t get the chance to tell certain parts of the story at all. And the saddest thing about this is really that those 72+ episodes to flesh out these plot points further wouldn’t have been an impossible thing to get, at a time.

Go for Disney’s head. Yell at the industry for being what it is today, for constantly axing shows before even giving them a real chance. But this isn’t on the crew.

[astaroth1357]

The Demon Brothers got Hexed and now They're Babies. Good Luck, MC!

Lucifer

Both adorable and bossy at the same time.

If he wants something it has to be NOW or he'll fuss incessantly.

Attempts to order his brothers around still like they're his minions, but since none of them can form words very well it's just him assertively speaking near-gibberish in their general direction.

Unsurprisingly, his “orders” get completely ignored by everybody for once in his life, including his caretaker. Gets very frustrated when not listened to and will throw a mini-tantrum but will tire out very quickly and just take a nap wherever he's at.

Likes to try and boss MC around the most but it’s pretty easy to cave because he gets so dang giddy when someone finally does what he wants. Smiling baby Lucifer has to be one of the most precious sights in all the Devildom.

If you don’t think Diavolo is going to take it upon himself to act like his big brother through this whole thing, you’re wrong. The dude is loving this and will play with Luci all day if someone doesn’t step in to stop him.

After everyone is better he will demand that any and all pictures/videos of him get chucked into the sea. They won't be but, hey, he tried.

Mammon

Is there really any difference? 😆

Jokes aside, he's one of the clingest of the bunch and has to be held for a little bit every hour or else he gets grouchy.

Keeps putting shiny things in his onesie and ends up dragging them along behind him wherever he goes.

Pretty much will not share anything that's he's taken a liking to, be it toys, food, or people. The MC especially. He will try to physically drag his brothers away from what’s his if it comes down to it.

He's somehow everybody's favorite playmate and seems to know it too. If one of his brothers gets sad then he'll be right over to comfort them into playing again.

He's the only one who can wake up baby Luci from his naps without him getting too grouchy.

He's gonna sell a pretty penny on all the pics of his adorable little self. He also stole most of the footage of baby Lucifer playing with Diavolo to do the same. Hope the Grimm will be worth it when he finds out 💀

Leviathan 

Cries. So. Damn. Fast.

One of those skittish kids that scares pretty easily and doesn't feel very comfortable around new people. Will be clinging onto somebody at all times and standing behind the MC’s legs is a favorite hiding spot.

Oddly fascinated by toilets and seeing how much he can flush down them. If it fits in the bowl, it ain't safe. Someone keep an eye on Henry…

Absolutely loves bathtime. Few things on this planet can claim to be happier than a little Levi buried under some soap suds. His grin could power the Devildom AND Las Vegas with some left to spare.

His tail is juuust starting to grow. He bawled his eyes out for hours once when Belphie "accidentally" yanked it (the little shit…)

Mammon is lowkey his emotional support friend.

Will likely be mortified later by the sheer amount of his own figurines he tried teething on. Thankfully, he was usually stopped before causing lasting damage.

Satan

Lil'brat #1

Is he the sort of kid who will push buttons just to see the reaction? The answer is yes, yes he is.

Does he throw the most ungodly temper tantrums ever known to demon kind for seemingly no reason at all? Yes. Yes he does.

Is he probably the reason that manners aren't just enforced, but fucking inventing? Absolutely.

Will he quiet the fuck down the second someone shows him a cat; real, picture, or otherwise? Oh yes. Right away.

More or less best dealt with by giving him a tablet with cat videos. He’ll settle right in and coo at the screen for hours. Otherwise, their father have mercy on your patience (and breakables).

Will apologize for all the trouble he caused when the hex wears off… (but he remembers all of it and fucking relishes that he got the chance to be That. Nasty. with no long-term consequences. Good times…)

Asmodeus

That one kid who doesn't get the concept of stranger danger at all.

Super adorable and friendly but prone to wandering off and trying to make friends with anything that moves.

That includes bugs, Henry 2.0, Diavolo, Barbatos, the angels, Solomon, that guy down the street, his hungry looking hellhound… Any time he makes a new “friend” he has to excitedly show them to the MC like they’re his new favorite thing ever.

Basically the reason those leashed toddler backpacks were invented.

Can be easily distracted by his own reflection in a mirror. He'll watch himself in rapt suspense for way longer than he really should.

He and Mammon fight over shiny things. While Mammon just stockpiles them, Asmo will try to wear them as hats.

Is going to be incredibly pissed if there's not at least an entire album's worth of pictures of his little baby self when he returns to normal. It's a one-in-a-lifetime Devilgram opportunity here!

Beelzebub 

Will eat anything. Literally. Anything.

You think having practically no teeth will stop him? He has the jaw strength of a crocodile!

Can't be left alone in nearly any capacity because he will try a bite of whatever he gets his hands on. Tables, cushions, chairs, toys, remotes, nothing is safe...

Teething toys are a must for him, but he's going to go through a lot of them pretty quickly. Open up your wallet, MC, before he takes a bite out of that too.

Eats far too fast for his own good and gets food everywhere. It's best just to feed him without clothes on then hose him down afterward.

If he's not eating (or trying to eat) something then he's looking for cuddles. About the only thing that he doesn’t try taking a bite out of is MC, though it might be best to keep him fed so we don’t have to test that.

Doesn’t mind the photos, but might be a little disappointed that he doesn't remember tasting the couch… It always has reminded him of marshmallows...

Belphegor 

Is either the easiest child to deal with in the world or Lil'brat #2. There is no in-between.

One of those kids who will gladly put themselves to bed and sleep through a hurricane if left alone.

Is also lowkey pretty aware that this means there’s a lot less attention on him and he will cause mischief when bored.

Obsessed with "drawing" on walls. Mostly portraits(?) of either himself or Beel, but occasionally one looks like the MC. Wherever he keeps finding the markers is a complete mystery.

Will also instigate fights with his brothers. Takes Mammon's favorite toys, throws Satan's tablet, pulls Levi's tail, etc. Tries to look like all cute afterward but he knows what he did and so does everybody else, the stinker. 😖

Nap buddies with Lucifer and they can often be found sharing his, now oversized, cow-pillow together.

Afterwards, he'll enjoy hearing the stories of his reign of terror but also kind of misses having that great excuse to nap all day.

[dancingazaleas]

jean kirstein | primrose

i love him so much

y’all can’t see it but i am crying

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL HIMBO

note: this is unedited

warnings/notes: artist!jean, college au!, gardener!reader, cursing, jean’s in love, nsfw, smut, praise, fingering, soft sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, flower language.

jean wouldn’t say he was popular by any means.

everyone knew of him, but it’s not like they actively tried to befriend him or get to know him. he only really talked to the people in his friend group, and even then it was quite spread out. meaning, there were friend groups inside the friend group. jean doesn’t necessarily understand, but he’ll take what he can get.

jean mostly stayed alone on campus, none of his friends were artists. sasha was in a florist course—or something, jean never hears her speak about it—marco was majoring in nursing along with psychology, and connie was... well... connie? jean knew that connie had classes, but he didn’t even know what they were along with his major.

this meant that jean had no friends in his art classes. he wasn’t upset about it though, he always preferred to keep in his bubble. it only really got annoying whenever the professors would give them group projects.

jean’s sighing while he checks his phone, a text message from sasha that says she’s at the campus’s greenhouse finishing up an assignment. jean and sasha usually hang out until three together, waiting for connie and marco to get out of their own classes.

he grunts as he sets off to the greenhouse, not looking forward to the humidity that awaits him outside of the building. the professor made them work in the sprinkling rain?

jean pulls out an umbrella whenever he gets outside. shivering at the almost dramatic temperature drop whenever he steps outside. he trudges through the soggy grass, ignoring the squelching of his shoes and the water.

“where are you,” he asks whenever he steps inside of the greenhouse, closing his umbrella and inhaling the different smells.

the greenhouse is empty besides one person, sitting on their knees as they fill a hole with soil gently.

“huh? did you need something,” you ask as you pull your gaze away from the plant, eyebrows furrowed.

jean feels his face flush, “oh! i’m sorry... my friend said she was here but you’re the only one who’s here.”

you blink and stare, which makes jean sweat. you light up with realization, “you’re talking about sasha right? if so, she’s here still, just needed to use the bathroom in the next building over.”

he utters a thanks while you get back to your work, awkwardly loitering by the door as a way to wait for his friend.

“wh-what’s your name,” he stutters to you, cringing at how his voice echoes against the glass of the building.

“i’m (name) (last name). you?”

“j..jean kirstein. nice to meet you,” he nods with a gulp.

“not to be offensive, and even if i say that, it might be, but you don’t exactly look like a horticultural major. what are you majoring in,” you’ve not looked up from the plant you’re caring for.

“i’m an art major,” he spits out.

you pause your movements and look up to the window for a moment, relaxed smile on your face.

“funny,” you shrug and go back to your task, “i don’t think i’ve ever painted before.”

he relaxes his tense shoulders, shock written all over his pretty face, “you’ve never painted?!”

“nope.”

“what about when you were a kid?”

“no, my parents didn’t approve of messes along with anything that wasn’t proven to meet their standards,” your bottom lip juts out from concentration.

“i see,” he hums, but he really doesn’t. his mother’s always been so supportive of him and whatever he’s chose to do with his life, and still he treated her horribly when he was younger.

“what’s this project even about,” he asks, walking closer to observe your craft.

“sasha and i have to try and grow strawberries on their own... it may not seem too difficult, but strawberries are an absolute pain to maintain care for,” you sigh with disappointment, “but i’m not working on that for right now, i’m just planting for now.”

“what are you planting?” jean’s sure that you’re becoming annoyed with him and all of the questions he’s asking.

you smile a bit, “lilac.”

jean can’t see exactly how that makes you happy or flustered, but considering you’re the expert and he isn’t, he’s not gonna ask. he goes to open his mouth once more, but the greenhouse door creaking open interrupts him.

“sorry jean! there was this long line in the girl’s bathroom,” sasha blurts as she shuffles into the room and shakes the rain off of her shoes.

“it’s fine, don’t worry,” he holds up a hand snd shakes his head.

“oh! (name), you’re still here,” she asks whenever she steps closer.

“yea, just felt like gardening,” you place the pot down gently and look up to her from your place on the floor.

“what’re you plantin’?”

“lilac,” jean answers for her and is once again struck by confusion whenever sasha’s cheeks light up as a smile stretches across her face.

he looks back to you to find you glaring at sasha with a secret knowledge.

“what? what’s so weird about it,” he asks, looking between you two.

“nothing nothing, jeanie boy! c’mon, i want a burger,” she giggles as she waves her hand up and down, turning around to go out of the door.

“didn’t niccolo feed you earlier,” he scoffs, following behind.

“yeah! he made me lobster. anyways, bye (name)!” she grins as she opens the door after taking jean’s umbrella.

jean fusses over her lack of care as he snatches his umbrella back from her and puts it over the both of them. briefly, his mind wonders back to you.

————

next time jean sees you, you’re looking quite frustrated and upset as you shovel dirt into a an empty pot. sasha is, once again, going to the bathroom in the building over.

“are you alright,” he’s hesitant.

you jump up, not even noticing him once he’d walked in. you relax while you sigh, eyebrows bunching up in frustration.

“i’m okay,” it seems you’re telling yourself this more than you tell jean, “my parents are just being upsetting.”

jean gets a text from sasha, telling him that she’s going to go to the bathroom in the main building since the line was too long. he doesn’t care for some reason, instead taking a seat beside you on the ground.

“wanna talk about it,” he asks, his body warm next to your’s.

you sigh for the umpteenth time, “we’ve only met once and i’d feel as if i would be dumping this onto you.”

“i don’t mind. if you don’t want to speak about it, i won’t force you,” he shrugs.

“well,” you start with reluctance, “my family’s always been judgmental of how i should be allowed to spend my time. not only that, but careers, interests, and friends.”

“and i assume they’ve said something about your major,” he assumes, slightly sad as you nod.

“bingo. they don’t think it’s sophisticated enough for me, but i’m not too sophisticated myself. i’m barely an adult, i’ve just turned 19. why they won’t let me be a kid is beyond me,” you gently lay the seed into the soil of the pot.

“i’ve never had this issue, so i can’t say that i completely understand or that what i say will help. however, good parents shouldn’t treat their child like that. you’re your own person, they shouldn’t be trying to limit you and your experiences. it’s not fair to you,” he says, “you’re parents are ignorant.”

you stifle a laugh, “thank you, jean. i appreciate it, genuinely.”

his cheeks flush as he nods, telling you that it was just something a friend would do for another.

“what’s your instagram,” you ask, swiftly pulling your phone from your pocket and pulling up the app.

he tells you nervously, three dings emitting from his phone in his pocket. one follow, one like, and one message.

jean finds himself texting you at nine pm.

————

jean finds himself giddy a few months later. he’s talked to you nonstop ever since he’s gotten your instagram, easily falling for you as he learns more about you.

he’s teaching you how to paint today. or, not really teach, but just helping you get started.

he sits on his couch while he waits, opting to watch some k-drama that connie recommend to him. he tells you that you can just walk in since the door’s unlocked, but jean has a feeling you would’ve just walked in anyways.

he hugs you excitedly whenever you walk in, leading you over to one of the easel and canvases he’s set up for you. he looks at your outfit.

“you’re wearing that?” he asks, not really thinking before he speaks.

“yea...? gotta problem with it,” you’re immediately defensive, and it has jean bouncing back with realization.

“oh my god, i meant you’re wearing that to paint? you’re outfit looks good on you! it’s cute! n-not to say that you’re cute or anything! er—i don’t mean that you’re not cute!” jean flushes, “i am... going to stop talking..”

you giggle at him, “it’s okay jean, i know what you mean.”

“o-okay,” he relaxes, “do you need to borrow any clothes? i don’t want your shirt to get dirtied.”

“just a shirt, your pants wouldn’t fit me,” you ask while you untuck your loose white button up from your jeans.

he scurries off to find you a shirt, slapping himself on the forehead in embarrassment. he grabs you a light grey shirt with paint splotches scattered on it, which he’s once painted a mural in.

he turns his back to you whenever he gives you the shirt, instead focusing on the collection of painting supplies he’s set out on his work tray. he’s chosen acrylics for you, claiming that they’re the easiest to do if you’re a beginner. you have a feeling that he’s lying, especially since he’s an art major.

“are we painting anything specific,” you ask and sit down on the stool provided for you.

“actually, i was thinking of letting you choose. maybe some flowers or plants since they help you relax,” he contemplates aloud, hand pressed to his chin.

“let’s paint a sunflower,” you say reluctantly, “they should be easy enough to paint.”

he nods, starting put small spurts of paint onto his pallet. you mimic his actions, carefully stroking the canvas with your paintbrush.

“relax your shoulders,” he suggests, noticing just how stiff you are, “if you’re too stiff then the painting will be too. this is about relaxing.”

“i just don’t want to make any mistakes.”

“hey, like bob ross always says; there are no mistakes, just happy accidents,” jean gives a lazy smile as he continues to paint.

you laugh at him, finally relaxing your body and brushing the brush across the canvas. you both chat absentmindedly as you paint, finding comfort in one another’s voice and movements. you’re both playing 20 questions, if you can call a conversation that.

“the most embarrassing thing... probably walking in on my friends having sex,” he briefly remembers his friend, bertholdt, on top of reiner, “it’s how they came out to me.”

you cackle, “oh my god!! they must’ve been mortified!!”

“they were, i felt so bad for walking in on them. now, it’s a funny joke since they’re both out to everyone,” he snickers, “now, where’s your favorite place on earth that you’ve been to?”

“a amusement park over in marley. snuck off with my first ever boyfriend there,” you stroke your brush once more, “or maybe the swimming pool in my parents house. anywhere that i can feel weightless.”

he hums in acknowledgment, “mine’s out in the forest probably. i like it quiet.”

“quiet is always nice. so, jean, have you ever had a girlfriend,” you laugh at jean’s face scrunch up from a childish question.

“yeah, i’ve had one. it went really well at first but it turns out that she likes girls. it hurt at first, cause i loved her, but i got over it. i’ve got no hard feelings against her, she can’t help liking girls. her and i are just really close friends now,” he has a fond smile on his face as he thinks of mikasa.

“i’m glad the two of you are still friends, and i’m sure that she appreciates your kindness to her,” you reciprocate a smile.

“me too. anyways, since you want to dive into my love life, let’s dive into your’s. have you ever been in love?”

you face heats up while you pause your movements, “y-yeah. not until recently though.”

jean’s eyes widen as his own cheeks flush a bright red, and for once he prays.

he prays that it’s him you’re in love with.

————

a month later and you still have the painting of a sunflower that jean did. it makes you embarrassed every time you look at it, even though jean didn’t know the meaning behind the flower.

you sit on the floor of the greenhouse, ignoring how the rain thumps gently on the glass roof. jean’s sitting beside you, leaning all of his weight on your body, which makes you laugh.

“you never told me what you’re planting,” he points out while adding more of his weight onto you.

you laugh while you shove him off of you, “i can’t with you on me like that.”

“well, now i’m not on you so,” he grins cockily, and you want to smack it off of him.

“okay, okay! i’m planting a primrose,” you say while you gently plant a seed into the soil.

“what’s the occasion?”

“what do you mean,” you raise a questioning eyebrow.

“my dad always got my mom those flowers on valentine’s day or for their anniversary. now, my mom puts them on his grave. it means ‘i can’t live without you’ or symbolizes young love,” he explains, “who’re they for?”

embarrassment hits you like truck. you were planting these for jean. whenever they were blooming, you were going to give them to him. thank god you didn’t.

you laugh nervously, “no one! i just felt like planting them! they’re pretty flowers.”

“whatever you say,” jean shrugs, heart tingling with pain.

whenever the flowers had bloomed, you stood at jean’s doorstep with the pot in your hands. your cheeks were hot as you stared at your feet, hoping to god that jean felt the same way towards you.

when jean opens his door, he doesn’t expect to see you holding the potted plant. you’d told him that it wasn’t for anyone and it wasn’t for him, so why’d you have it. did you want him to take care of it or something?

“for you,” you stumble over your words a bit while you thrust the pot against his chest.

it’s his turn to be embarrassed, these are for him! the flower is so pretty, full bloom and showing itself off towards the sun. jean hurries to place the pot on his living room coffee table, then he pounces.

his arms wrap around you and hold you close, his face is emitting a heat when he pulls away to look at you.

“me too,” you look at him confused, “i love you too.”

you feel like crying, for some reason this means the absolute world to you. you wrap your arms around his neck, not able to hold back the tears forming in your eyes.

“why didn’t you tell me sooner,” he laughs while squeezing you tight.

“i did,” your laughter is muffled until he pulls away.

“when?”

“since we met. granted, i didn’t expect to meet you that day. lilac means the start of a new love. and then i told you again when you painted the sunflower again. sunflowers mean pure love,” you wipe away tears as jean pulls you inside his house by your hand.

“i’m such an idiot,” he smacks a palm to his forehead, “that’s what you and sasha were laughing about when we met, wasn’t it?”

“yea,” you watch him lead you to his bedroom, somewhere that you’ve been to on many occasions.

he crawls into bed beside you, pulling you closer to him—if it were even possible. he’s littering your face with soft kisses that tickle your skin and make you giggle.

“what are you doing?!”

“i’ve been wanting to do this since i’ve met you, give me a break,” he mumbles against your skin, lips finally making contact with your’s.

the kiss is sweet like candy, and you almost can’t take it. you deepen the kiss without hesitation, surprising jean, who obviously reciprocates. you whimper against jean’s mouth whenever you grant him access to explore your own.

he pulls away, a shy look in his eyes that tells you exactly what he’s thinking.

“yes, jean. as long as you’re gentle,” you put a hand on top his cheek, stroking it gently.

he smiles before asking his next question shyly, “could we... do a different position? one that isn’t missionary.”

“jean, i’ve only had sex a few times. all were in missionary and were hookups. as long as it’s with you, i don’t mind what we do,” you reassure, scooting closer to him.

he’s surprised that his face doesn’t burst into flames, at this point.

“okay... could you... turn around,” your face twists into confusion, “you’ll find out.”

it sounds ominous, but since it’s jean, you don’t mind. you turn your back to him, shivering whenever his lips kiss at the nape of your neck. his chest presses against your back and he slips one of his arms under the arm against the bed.

his lips bite on your neck while his hands sliver their way up to your boobs. you sit up for a moment, pulling the loose shirt you were wearing off of your body. you shimmy your pants off while you’re at it, easily flopping back into jean’s arms.

god, he’s so close to fainting just from seeing you without clothes. especially when he realizes that you’re not wearing a bra.

his hands grope at your chest, rolling your nipples through his nimble fingers. you whimper shyly, hand coming up to grab at his own.

“cute,” he smiles whenever you look over your shoulder, the same hand drifting from your tit to the waistline of your panties.

his hand reaches inside your hand plain underwear as you willingly spread your legs open, something you’re secretly embarrassed about, but you decide to ignore it anyways. with hesitance, his fingertip comes in contact with your clit. you flinch at the contact and let out a gasp, once again squeezing at his hand.

“spread your legs wider for me, love,” he murmurs in your ear, nudging his wrist against your thigh.

you oblige silently, hooking your foot around the back of jean’s knee.

“good girl,” he smiles, two fingers gently pressing against your clit after he’s wet them with his spit.

you moan out whenever jean starts rubbing lazy circles into your clit and his other hand gropes at your tit. your hips buck forward on instinct, which has you biting your lip from embarrassment.

“can you try to keep your hips still for me,” he kisses at your earlobe, stubble scratching against your neck.

you nod to him, even if you both know that you won’t uphold that promise.

whenever his fingers move up a speed, so does the volume of your moans.

“jean,” you whimper, “i’m gonna cum.”

“it’s okay, you’ve been so good for me, my pretty girl. go ahead and cum,” he smiles against your skin, once again speeding up his tempo.

your nails are biting into his wrist as your hips start to buck almost uncontrollably. your head is thrown back while you open your mouth in a silent scream and your eyes roll back. jean slows his pace, helping you ride out your orgasm.

his smile stretches wider when he holds his fingers up to the light, admiring how the digits glistened in against the early morning sun peeking through the curtains. he also manages to take off your panties.

he puts the two fingers in your mouth once he’s done admiring them, cooing praises in your ear. a string of salvia is connect to his fingertips whenever he pulls them out of your mouth, making you whine in embarrassment. he chuckles and reaches his warm hand back down to your wet cunt.

you gasp at the coldness of your spit coming into contact with your heated entrance. his fingers enter you slowly and cautiously and it takes your breath away.

“you’re so tight,” still smiling, “when’s the last time you’ve gotten laid, pretty girl?”

“f-fuck... maybe like... six months ago,” you pant like a dog in heat.

“it’s good thing you’ve got me now, huh? gonna take care of you now.”

you’re squeezing your pretty eyes closed while you adjust to the feeling of two fingers inside of you. jean feels himself memorizes the look on your face in his brain whenever he gives a shallow thrust with his fingers. you wiggle your hips a bit, whining out for jean to give you more.

he does exactly that.

he starts to finger you slowly, eventually speeding up the speed as you get more and more used to the feeling. his fingers curl against your sweet spot that has you bucking your hips once again.

“there! there,” you buck again when he continues to brush over it.

angling his fingers just right, he starts to thrust and curl his fingers inside of you at the perfect speed.

“fuck! fuck! fuck!” you gasp whenever your toes start to curl.

“are you gonna cum again? it’s okay. go ahead and cum on my fingers, pretty girl,” he reassures while pecking at your neck lazily.

you come once again after a few seconds pass, legs shaking when jean doesn’t slow down his speed.

“can’t...! i can’t cum again,” you whimper while arching your back against jeans torso.

“i know you can,” he whispers, “gotta prepare you for my cock, remember?”

his filthy words make you mewl as you feel yourself already approaching another orgasm quickly. you scream whenever you orgasm again, hips jerking back and forth wildly as his other hand starts rubbing on your puffy little clit.

you’re crying from the intensity. you’re sure that if you’d be able to take all of this if you had fucked anyone these past six months.

instead of slowing down, jean actually speeds up his movements again. you know that you’re mascara might be smearing, you can’t remember if it’s waterproof, tear proof—what the fuck ever.

your legs convulse when jean manages to work you up to another mind blowing orgasm. but this time, you squirt all over jean’s hand and the insides of your plump thighs.

“there we go,” he praises, “that’s what i needed.”

he’s finally slowing his fingers down, and you wonder if they’re aching at the moment.

“thank you, thank you, thank you,” you babble as your nails scratch at his wrist.

“such a sweet girl, thanking me when i haven’t even trained you.”

your chest is heaving up and down while jean pulls his cock out of his pants, a moment’s rest.

you gulp whenever you see his dick. you didn’t believe sasha’s jokes whenever she said jean not only had a horse face but also a horse cock. how she knew, you didn’t ask, but either way she was right. you’d have to apologize to sasha for not heeding her warnings after this.

“don’t be scared, love. i’ll take care of you,” he comforts you while pulling your leg up a bit.

his fingers squeeze at the soft flesh that’s the back of your thigh, instructing you on how to insert himself in your tight little pussy.

after guiding jean’s cock in you, you sob out from just how much he fills you up already. you don’t take a pause, too eager to feel jean inside of you.

noticing this, jean hooks his arm around your thigh and grabs your hand. the angle has his hitting spots that he hadn’t before, pussy fluttering around his cock in effect.

“be patient,” he demands in a soft tone, his hand guiding your own, “i don’t want to hurt you.”

“don’t care, need you so bad,” you sniffle and wiggle your hips once more, ignoring the slight burn.

sighing, jean carefully thrusts the rest of his cock inside of you. you sob out in both pleasure and pain, hand now going back to scratching at his wrist.

“i told you, sweet girl,” you look at him from over your shoulder, “you gotta listen to me.”

“‘m sorry,” you whimper while jean kisses away a tear.

“t’s okay, now just wait until your comfortable,” he advises, unhooking his arm from your thigh and holding it with his hand.

it takes a minute or two, but jean is nothing but attentive during this. thumb stroking your thigh, lips kissing your neck and cheek, whispering quietly in your ear that you’re doing so well.

when you’re ready, he thrusts into you softly. he doesn’t want to hurt you, even when his dick hurts from not cumming. after seeing you’re alright with it, he thrusts more vigorously. with your skin slapping against one another’s tenderly and tits bouncing jean is groaning in your ear.

the hand not holding your thigh holds onto your boob, pinching your nipple and then rolling it in between his fingers again. the kisses he’s pressing against your shoulder feels so hot and sweet against your sweaty skin.

your whines and moans are so cute, begging for jean to cum at the same time you do and for him to come inside.

“you want my cum in you,” he pants, “anything you want since you’ve asked so nicely.”

he speeds his hips up just a bit, guttural groans coming from his throat as your pussy grips him like a vise.

“gonna cum, gonna cum,” you’re mewling almost makes jean black out.

“i’m right behind you, go ahead, love,” his eyebrows bunch together as he nears his orgasm.

after two more thrusts, the both of you are coming. jean’s groans are surprisingly starting to turn into soft moans, which is something you’ll try to get out of him another time.

after you both come down from your high, jean’s pulling his softening dick out of you. he lays on his backside, pulling your weak body on top of his chest with ease.

“love you,” he smiles and gives you a kiss.

“primrose love,” you smile goofily at him.

“primrose love.”

[animeomegas]

(infertile alpha request) oh, sorry! Preferably Naruto, Death Note or Obey me

(Thank you so much for clarifying! I’ve done Naruto and Death Note 💓 Enjoy!)

Naruto – He is a bit sad when he hears the news. He definitely wanted to adopt at least one child, so he’s not sad about never having children, because he knows he still can easily, but he was kinda really looking forward to being pregnant. He wanted to know what it was like, all the things he’d seen other couples go through (ultrasounds, cravings, birth classes), and it’s a little startling to have that dream suddenly ripped away from him. He’s not comfortable with any other conception methods, so he adopts all his children. But, when he’s cuddled up with his three adopted children, he can’t believe he was ever upset about not having biological children, and the thought that having biological children would have stopped him adopting all of his current children makes him feel sick because he can’t imagine a life without all his precious pups. Where would they be if he didn’t adopt them? Naruto decides that it was better this way, in the end.

Sasuke canon – Sasuke is very conflicted, at first. He had been clinging onto this dream of reviving his clan since he was a child, but now the only person he could ever tolerate having sex with can’t give him that… He’s not getting a donor, no way. There are no orphans from his clan to adopt. He honestly doesn’t know what to do, there seems to be no good answer. In the end, I think he would decide to just never use birth control and see what happens. The chances may be extremely slim, but he’s not comfortable with any other conception method, so it’s this or nothing. It might actually be quite a good experience for Sasuke in the end, because he is finally forced to examine some of the goals he clung to as a child to keep himself from breaking down and see if they are something he ever actually wanted. He might think about what life would have been like with his own pup occasionally, but he’s never been as happy as he is with his alpha and that is more than good enough for him (but not good enough for the council who harass him about having as many children as possible, constantly.)

Sasuke non-massacre AU – He doesn’t think it’s a big deal tbh. He got himself sterilised while he was in his early twenties because he didn’t want to deal with the possibility of getting pregnant, and he had to fight his clan for it! So, he’s glad that you won’t have to do that same, but it’s easier for alphas anyway. If you’re in a relationship with him, then you obviously don’t want pups, so he doesn’t think much about it. He’s like “Oh, okay,” then ends the discussion.

Shikamaru – This might be a problem… His child will be the next clan leader and they have to be of his blood, as is clan tradition. He would probably have to go for a donor to get pregnant, probably some distant clan member he’s never met before, but he feels really weird about it. He doesn’t like it, but he bites his tongue for once and gets on with it. He keeps it a secret from most people. The other biological parent is a clan member, so he just lets people believe that Shikamaru’s Nara genes were super strong, and that’s why there’s none of his alpha in their pup. I don’t think he would ever tell his pup that they weren’t biologically the child of both of their parents, he doesn’t think it matters and he doesn’t want to cause drama or have to involve the other bio parent if his pup asks after them. It’s better left as a family secret.

Shino – His situation is similar to Shikamaru’s. His child will be the next clan leader and in order to have a kikaichu and be trained like his clanmates, they have to be biologically an Aburame. Shino is also not comfortable with other conception methods, but mainly because he’s terrified of his alpha rejecting the pup if they aren’t theirs or reacting badly if Shino is pregnant with someone else. Some alphas have a hard time with those instincts and can’t accept non-biological pups or get violent when their mate is carrying someone else’s offspring. Shino is pretty scared. He also is so humiliated during the invasive insemination procedure. In the end, he had nothing to worry about, as his alpha was the perfect parent to their pup, but for about a year, Shino is constantly stressed that everything is going to change suddenly, and his mate will snap and leave them or something. It’s a tough time for him.

Neji – He’s actually quite relieved. It makes him feel a lot less guilty for his own fertility problems. If you’re both sterile, he’s sad that you’re both lacking something you want, but it makes dealing with his own problems easier. There are many orphans in the clan, so you both adopt from that pool, and Neji couldn’t be happier and prouder of his children.

Kakashi – Thank fuck for that. He got sterilised when he was in ANBU, just in case he had any missions that involved seduction. Kakashi might make a joke about how you’re lucky that you got to avoid the hospital and still be sterile. He wishes lol. Anything that helps him remain childless is good in his book.

Iruka – He makes sure his mate isn’t upset, but Iruka himself is totally fine. He wouldn’t mind not having children at all, and if they both decided to have children, Iruka would want to adopt anyway. He thinks it makes so much more sense to adopt when there are so many pups who need loving homes. He does get a little sad if his mate is sad though, but only out of empathy, not because he himself is sad.

Itachi canon – It is very helpful for him. While Itachi has issues with his heat and his health, he doesn’t have many problems getting pregnant, he just can't carry to term. And birth control is hard as a missing nin, so he’s very glad that he doesn’t have to worry about it. (Miscarriages are not fun, and with a fertile mate he would certainly have suffered through a few). It’s better for him this way, his circumstances prevent him from having children anyway.

Itachi non-massacre AU – He’s devastated. He doesn’t blame his alpha at all, but he’s very upset. His clan will never let him adopt, if they're losing one of their best shinobi to stay at home and raise children, those children better be the new top shinobi, so they have to be his biological children. He using artificial insemination, and he uses the sperm of another Uchiha (one that he's not directly related to). The clan elders are overjoyed that Itachi's pups will be 100% Uchiha blood rather than mixed. But Itachi is very, very firm about making legal protections for his mate as their pups' parent. He doesn't want his clan to pull anything to try and exclude his alpha or claim that his mate doesn't have authority over their own child. He's very firm about those conditions.

Sai – Huh, well, he hadn’t given pups much thought tbh. He’s totally okay with not having children, he genuinely doesn’t care that much. He likes it just being his alpha and him, so why change it?

Gaara – He’s another one who is completely devastated when he hears the news, but he is very stoic about it on the outside because he wants to be a good support for his alpha who might be struggling. He really mourns being able to carry his alpha’s pups. He doesn’t want to adopt because he really wants to carry a pup and breastfeed and everything, but he’s also worried about his alpha feeling betrayed or excluded if he goes for a sperm donor. He’s desperate for his own children, two at least, so he wants to use a sperm donor.

...

L – He nods and files it away in his brain with all the other information about his beloved, but he doesn’t file it as important. You have already agreed to not have children, so it doesn’t matter either way.

Light – Hmm, this is a problem for his plan. He needs someone to take over the perfect world he’s creating, and he was planning on it being the biological child of him and his mate. Well, it needs to be his child, but it doesn’t matter too much if it’s also his alpha’s biological child. Light isn’t comfortable with artificial insemination, but he’s down for seducing one of his fangirls/fanboys and using them. He wouldn’t tell them that the pup is theirs though because he doesn’t want to be tied down to someone he can’t stand. If they got too suspicious that his pup was theirs, they might find themselves the victims of a mysterious death.

Matsuda – He’s distraught for you and himself. He’s a very traditional person who wants traditional things, a couple of kids, a nice house, a dog, that kind of thing. He would want to try every possible method to conceive naturally, but after two years going back and forth between various fertility clinics, it’s clear that he’s not going to get what he wants. Matsuda goes back and forth between various other methods but eventually decides to adopt an infant. He never really stops hoping that he’ll magically become pregnant, but that doesn’t mean he loves his child any less, because he absolutely dotes on them.