#regulus black is a little shit

[chasingthestarss]

James Potter is a weak man! Not because he is actually weak but because he has no resistance to puppy dog eyes or crying or anything really.

Sirius asks James to pull a prank on the Slytherins and James says no he’s a little busy with quidditch and Sirius just tilts his head with a frown and James gives in EVERY time.

Peter invited James to play chess but James already has plans so Peter just nods and looks resigned to his fate and James cracks.

Regulus however, he is the worst. Because he cries. And he can full on sob to get James to do whatever he wants. He can’t resist Regulus with tears in his eyes much less with tears running down his cheeks.

James Potter is a weak man but he is completely fine with it

[my-castles-crumbling]

slap - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 228

"Oh my god," James murmured, looking resolutely away from the middle of the room.

But as the bass thudded around them and the party continued, he found it more difficult to do so.

Because Regulus had, for the first time in a long time, gotten absolutely plastered. And now?

He was dancing with Barty on a table.

The two boys moved together so closely that it seemed like they were of one mind, their hips rolling together an their chests touching, matching grins on their faces. Regulus's hair was a little mussed and his shirt was riding up, and he was currently biting his bottom lip, eyes closed, his hands on Barty's waist.

And James was entranced. Because really, who wouldn't be? Regulus looked like some sort of fallen angel, dressed in all black, his beautiful skin tinged pink with drink and exertion as he moved.

But the worst part?

Every once in a while, Regulus glanced over. Looked at James. Threw him a seductive smirk that was so un-Regulus and so tempting that James almost melted to the floor with it.

"So...are you looking over there because you want to slap Crouch or snog Reg?" Remus asked from next to James, snapping him back to reality.

Clearing his throat and looking over to where Barty looked to be thoroughly enjoying himself, James shrugged and chuckled. "Both."

[actuallyitskal]

i really love the idea of regulus black faking his death.

regulus who was too smart to think voldemort made only one horcrux. who knew the only way to find and destroy all of them was to disappear.

so he makes everbody, including james and his brother, believe that he's dead.

he goes to that cave, steals the lock and gives it to pandora. her and dorcas work on destroyjng it, while barty and evan keep playing deatheaters as a way to keep voldemort busy. regulus focuses on finding rest of horcruxes.

when the girls succeed and find the right way to destroy the locket, he has already located all of them. obviously harry still doesn't exist, so it's not so tricky anymore.

they destroy all of them, and then regulus comes back to fight voldy.

exept once again, he's not stupid. he has two kings man by his side, and shitlot of potion making skills.

voldy dies from a poison, even tho it looks like regulus killed him in a fair fight.

reg becomes a hero, all of his friends live, he makes up with his brother and lily has enough time to figure out that she's a lesbian.

jegulus reconnect, marylily happens, everybody's alive, harry has four parents.

everybody is happy, second wizard war never happened.

[yvieliny]

MARAUDERS

Shit my friends have said pt3.

Barty, Evan, Regulus and Severus on an road trip (Evan is Driving , Barty is the co-pilot leaving Regulus and Severus in the back)

Night time 2:50 am

Regulus: There is no way this is fucking happening right now (Regulus said removing his headphone)

Barty turns to look at the back seat: Well I am fucking sorry, how was I supposed to know how far 5 meters where?

Evan: Everyone calm down look there is a gas station up ahead let’s stop and ask for directions

Severus highly annoyed: So we are fucking lost in the middle of nowhere , with no cell service and a creepy ass gas station that looks from the 1600s and you idiots want to “stop and ask for directions” ??!!

Evan and Barty look at each other before nodding : Yeah

Severus : Idiots you both are fucking idiots , this is the type of shit that occurs in Horror movies

Barty: Don’t worry the virgins always survive in Horror movies

Regulus smirks: And the horny slut is the first to go so, don’t worry Barty we will have a nice cock filled funeral for you

Barty sticks his middle finger out

Evan: Fine let’s just turn and go back where we came from even if it is highly illegal since it is a one way road but fine

Severus: So our options are doing something ilegal or dying? Damn this is why my mom worry’s when I go out with my friends

Evan: Holy shit Sev, you got friends?

[yourgalgremlin]

[siriuslylovejegulus33]

The Black Brothers having tall boyfriends and bonding over it>>>

[lilyevansmywife]

James: so you have to add these numbers then multiply and GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR HAIR IT LOOKS AMAZING

Regulus: um

Regulus: washed it?

Regulus: try

[neverland178]

Imagine James finding a cat on one of his walks around the castle at night.

James: hello there.

Regulus sitting on a statue staring at James as he walks past:

James petting the cat thinking it’s some random cat that belongs to a student: you would not believe the day I had. I had to tell my best friend I think I have a crush on his brother so he’d give me date ideas.

Regulus knowing Peter and Remus don’t have siblings:

James: we’ll I better get some sleep, bye bye!

James and regulus started dating a week later.

[marvelomadness06]

Pandora: Are you a top or a bottom?

Regulus: I’m a threat

James: *from across the room* He’s a bottom

Sirius: *spits out pumpkin juice*

Evan: *trying not to laugh*

Barty: *nodding, agreeing*

Remus: *Covered in pumpkin juice*

[divinerevire]

one thing about the potter men is that they age like fine wine and james is no exception

and regulus would just continue to be more and more attracted to him

and he’d be so mad about it too

like why are you still hot potter wtf

he’s convinced it’s some sort of spell

but then in public he’d have the vibe of “you see what you all missed out on? lol sucks to SUCK”

and he'd revel in the disappointed looks on stranger's faces when james calls him his husband

[sniperjade]

Bad Professor - Chapter 2 - The First Day

On the first day of term, Regulus had stumbled out of bed, imbibed a hangover potion, a pepper-up potion and three cups of coffee. He had barely managed to drag himself to his classroom and was still in a state of questionable consciousness when the first of the teenagers showed up. Thankfully, his first class was a group of seventh years, who in their terror of failing NEWTS had all read the set texts and thoroughly approved of his plan to introduce them all to the statue of Achernar Rigel Black.

They appreciated the unique perspective Achernar had on the subject and thought it was very useful for their understanding of the text. Most of his classes had passed in a similar matter and he was starting to think that this might not actually be so bad, going to far as to say as much when he met up with the other teachers at lunchtime. Severus looked over at his class schedule.

“Who have you got next?”

“The third years,” Regulus replied.

Severus's tight-lipped smile stretched into a truly vicious grin. “Well then. Good luck with that.”

Regulus frowned as he trotted back up to his class. When he walked up, he heard snippets of the conversation coming from a crowd of third-year students. A boy with startlingly blond hair and the familiar form of Blaise Zabini, leaned their heads together as they whispered.

“ – he’s a pushover?”

“Used to give me anything I asked for.”

Regulus walked up behind them as Blaise confidently regaled the other students with his knowledge of the new Professor.

“That’s only because I was fucking your mum,” Regulus stated bluntly, “I think you’ll find me a little less obliging now.”

Blaise turned to watch him with wide horrified eyes as he swept past him into the classroom. He turned and gestured for the first student, a small girl with incredibly bushy hair, to come in. As they all filed through the door, he checked the fabric covering Achernar’s portrait and sat down heavily in his chair. With a fluid movement, he swung his legs up, so they rested on the desk.

The bushy-haired girl instantly scowled at him, and he was about to speak, when blondie boy came to stand by his desk and held out his hand. He had a very pointy chin and a certain aristocratic air that was awfully familiar. Regulus looked him up and down, noting the finely tailored robes and startlingly grey eyes and sighed.

“Hello. My name is Draco Lucius Malfoy. I believe you’re my cousin.”

Regulus gave him a withering look and chewed his cheek, making no move to take the boy’s hand.

“And?”

Malfoy hesitated as Regulus stared at him.

“Go and sit down, you’re holding up the class.”

Malfoy dropped his hand and slid into his seat next to an equally shocked Blaise Zabini.

Regulus smirked.

“Does anyone else have any more pressing matters before we get started?”

The class sat in silence.

“Right.” He swung his legs back off the desk and stood. “I am Professor Regulus Arcturus Black of the proud and most ancient house of Black. You may call me Professor Black. Has everyone read the set text?”

The girl with the bushy hair shot her hand straight into the air jumping slightly in her seat. A smattering of the other third years also put their hands up. Regulus noticed that neither Zabini nor Malfoy did, and both avoided his eyes. They probably thought their status would make this class an easy ride.

Regulus snorted.

“If you haven’t done the readings you are going to find this class quite challenging. For our first lesson, I’m going to take you right back to the beginning of runic magic so that you can discern the reason it was first created as well as its many uses, but first of all, are there any muggle-born students here?”

The girl in the front row with the bushy hair and a boy who had very short tight curls and a gormless expression both raised their hands.

“Right, today you’re half-bloods.”

The girl gasped and made a shocked sound. “Sir, you can’t be serious.”

Regulus winced as the image of Sirius popped into his head, his eyes twinkling with laughter as he quipped. No, I’m Sirius.

Continued on Ao3

[chasingthestarss]

James: *rambling about something he like*

Sirius: Hey James it’s time to go

Regulus: Don’t interrupt him

Sirius: We have to go to class, I have to interrupt!

Regulus: Oh so it’s okay to miss class when you’re doing a prank but not when your best friend has something important to say? I see how it is.

Sirius: …

Sirius: You’re right, we’re not going

James: I have to go to potions

Regulus: I’ll do your homework for you, now keep talking

[my-castles-crumbling]

couch - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 284

"Love? Did you buy more books?" James asked hesitantly, walking into the kitchen of the flat he shared with Regulus to see a pile on the table.

"Yes," Regulus answered flatly from his chair, raising one eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"

"Erm..." James shrugged, trying to find the right answer without getting himself in trouble. He knew how much Regulus loved books. "It's just, we have five shelves full."

"It's true," Regulus nodded, pouting, as if daring him to continue.

"Baby. Maybe you could just get rid of a couple?" James asked, putting on his sweetest voice, gently running his hand down Regulus's cheek. "Soon, we won't have any space for-"

"James," Regulus said slowly, closing the book he had open in front of him. "Would you ask me to choose between our future children?" He spoke in an overly-dramatic voice that told James that he knew exactly what he was doing, and his eyes sparkled with glee.

Gaping, knowing he'd walked himself into this somehow, James stuttered, "No! No, I- wait, children? We're having-? What-?"

"Then why should I choose between the other things I love?" Regulus asked seriously, though his lips were quivering a bit and he looked ready to burst into a fit of laughter.

"I...." James tried to find a reason, but he knew he was at a loss. Regulus was not easy to argue with, even if it was a playful disagreement like this one. If he wasn't careful, he'd end up sleeping on the couch. "Why don't you tell me what you're reading about, love?" He asked instead, completely giving up as soon as he saw Regulus's thrilled grin.

"So this woman Jane is working as a governess..."

[herlittlel0ve]

More jeggie

James, Remus, and Sirius are all sitting in the library studying... well Remus is studying. Sirius has they're leg's up on the table twirling his wand with his fingers while inspecting his nails on his other hand; and James was studying or at least attempting before his mind started wandering to a certain Slytherin again.

James had his head down rereading the same page that he's been on for the past 10 minutes when out of nowhere two freakishly cold hands obstruct his view of the page. His mind was running through the possible hands that could be covering him when the person leaned in and he got a whiff of lavender. Settling in and resting his back against the persons chest he breaths in "Hey love" he whispers breathlessly and hears a giggle in return. The hands are removed from his face and are now linked together across his chest as the person leans in more resting his weight on James. "How'd you know it was me?" Regulus asks looking down at his boyfriend "smelled lavender" James answers truthfully ever to give Regulus what he desires. "Hmm" was his only answer as he dipped his head down unhooking his arm so to hold James chin in place to kiss him. "UGH MY EYES" Sirius all but screeches covering his eyes with his arm all while flailing around. All Regulus does is roll his eyes and give James another quick peck returning his arms to they're place back on his boyfriends chest. "I missed you" he says while bending down so his mouth is right behind James ear utterly driving him insane "hmgm missed you too" he responds "ugh stop being disgusting" "shut the fuck up Sirius you act like you aren't begging Remus to bend you over every flat surface 24/7" Sirius's ears go pink and Remus's entire face looks like it's been set on fire " if you can eye fuck at any given time then I'm allowed to kiss my boyfriend in front of our friends" Regulus continues this causes Sirius to look at James and mouthe "brotherfucker" James all but cackles and almost knocking Regulus over as he threatens to fall out his chair at any moment "not yet" he replies back and almost automatically starts all over again due to the look on Sirius face.

[sunburntmarigolds]

Reggie Black! For the record, I pronounce it "Redgie" as in Fridge. Trans Regulus warms my heart! I thought that these earrings were really fitting, not just because practically his whole family is named after space stuff, but, also because I thought the moon was a nice note to Remus. Platonic Moon-Water is really important to my mental health. And of course, the star could be interpreted as referring to Sirius, But for my Jegulus shippers (myself included) it could be a nod to James maybe? Because James is the sun and the sun is a star? Bit of a stretch, but I'll take it. Also, I head-cannon Reg as being a chronic ring-wearer, but only with silver. Same with earrings and necklaces. Gold just rubs him the wrong way for some reason.

[actuallyitskal]

is it better to speak or die?

sirius: speak. always speak. shout it from the rooftops if you must.

regulus: i'd rather die on my own terms then be killed for speaking.