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#see it’s weird because I understand the point they’re getting at like i do
tinogiehd · 2 years
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are you seeing op on twitter
anon I am losing my MIND over op on twitter like why are you dying on this hill
#see it’s weird because I understand the point they’re getting at like i do#but there’s also a point where “respecting” sexuality#transitions into flat out denying it and we’ve seen that before numerous times actually especially in this fandom#jokes aside I do understand their discomfort with speculation and while the OG tweet that they replied to#that got them into this was funny I understand why it could feel weird to see#<- talking about forcing gn.f into the closet#but I think at a point you need to ask WHY you immediately discount him saying he likes men as a joke#or why all the times he’s expressed attraction to men are unserious and untrue#because that’s where I take an issue#sure there is a level of humor that 5/5 in general have that those could fall under but George has never played much into it#outside of d.nf and like. you can see how that had evolved#to be something different than what it first was#I’m really not a fan of how op acts like he’s having his autonomy taken away by speculation#again he’s a grown man with an observably good grasp on his public image#he’s careful with it and he always has been and he’s stuck up for himself before when we’ve crossed lines#it’s very clear that he knows that many people perceive him as something other than straight#and if he wanted to change that he could double down on saying he’s straight and that would be that#sometimes you can exercise autonomy by not doing anything or by things behind the scenes like consenting to have a picture of you kissing#a man who many people think you’re into#released or consenting to have him post pictures of your ass online or not telling him to stop liking romantic art of the two of you#or calling each other your “cute date“#you get what I’m trying to get at?#aya asks
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lesbians4armand · 4 months
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personally i find it deeply boring that amc iwtv is so insistent on the main focus always being on loustat/lestat himself. yes he is the narrator of the majority of the books and yes he is a major character, but iwtv is interview with THE vampire, the vampire being louis. the main character is louis. putting more lestat into s2 works well enough to transition from s1-s2 and as a visual means of literally haunting the narrative but amc is starting to seem like its making everything about lestat, when it shouldn’t be (at least not during the events of the first book and this particular interview) it’s about louis. louis’s life, his relationships- with lestat but also with others (claudia, armand, his own family, hell even DANIEL)
tldr i don’t like how lestat seems to be becoming more of the main character than louis.
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cherrysnax · 4 months
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celebrity worship doesn’t make sense to me
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what-even-is-thiss · 8 months
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Have you never spent a lot of time around cats but want to be friends with one? Some cat communication basics. Because I feel like it.
A cat approaching you doesn’t necessarily mean they want pets. They may just be inspecting you or hanging out.
If you want to pet a cat you need to ask permission first. The way you do this is you offer a finger or the back of your hand for them to smell. If the cat wants to be pet they’ll generally push their face or head and neck into your hand. If they don’t want to be pet they’ll generally walk away or just sit down.
Cats will usually ask for pets by rubbing up against you or possibly standing at your feet and meowing. When you think a cat is asking for pets hold your hand out and see if they rub up against you. That means they want pets. If they start walking away with purpose instead that means they want to show you something. If they meander off that just means they’re hanging out. No pets needed.
If a cat likes the way you’re petting them they’ll probably lean into it. If they like it a lot and you stop they might try to pull you back over with a paw. They might also squint close their eyes. If they don’t like it they’ll lean away or swipe at you a bit or show their teeth if they really don’t like it.
When they’re done being pet or sitting in your lap they’ll probably just peacefully walk away. This is good. They trust you but they’re done hanging out now. If their ears flatten or they start bristling and hissing you’ve done something very wrong or they’re afraid of you and it’s probably best to leave them be.
A relaxed cat’s ears usually point forward and are upright. If their ears flatten or point back they’re angry or scared and they’re serious.
Cats can purr for any number of reasons. If they’re sitting on your lap with completely relaxed posture (in a loaf with tail curled up, eyes happily squinted closed, maybe actively looking for pets from you and giving little cat hugs in the form of rubbing their face on you) that’s probably a sign of contentment. They can also purr to calm themselves down or try to heal themselves or others. Purring is one of those things that needs the surrounding context to be understood.
When a cat shows their stomach they’re comfortable around you but not looking for pets. Most cats don’t like belly scratches. Some do, but if you try to scratch a cat’s belly and they start acting angry it’s because from their perspective you’re the one violating personal boundaries here.
If a cat doesn’t like being picked up they’ll probably start struggling. If they’re very stressed out they may get violent but if they know you that probably won’t be their first choice unless said cat has a short temper. If the cat is neutral to happy about being held they probably won’t do anything at all. You can carefully drop cats when you’re done holding them. In fact they may prefer that to being carefully set down depending on the cat. Angle them down just a little when you drop them so they can land on their front paws first. This also gives them a bit of warning that they’re about to be dropped.
Most cats won’t lick you but if they do they’re trying to groom you. This means they see you as part of the family. This is fine. A bit weird but they’re trying to help.
If you try to act like you’re small and out of the way and avoid eye contact with a cat, the cat will see this as an invitation to hang out. This is why if you don’t understand or like cats and try to avoid them at parties or at friends houses they might try to hang out with you a lot. Lots of eye contact and making a lot of noise and making yourself bigger is the way to scare a cat off. Slow blinking and not acting excited is an open invitation.
Some cats have been trained a little bit by their owners. They aren’t obedient 100% of the time like dogs but they can be trained to know what some things mean and get accustomed to certain situations. Cats can be trained to like a certain noise like kissy noises or tongue clicking by making those noises when you feed or pet them when they’re young. It can also be demonstrated to them that patting the couch or other surface next to you is an invitation to come over. These are the most common things most house cats that grew up with humans know about. You can also ask their owner if there’s a noise they come to but if you don’t know, kissy noises, tongue clicking, or the cat’s name or saying something like “here kitty kitty” are the most common things a cat might understand as a request to come over.
When playing with a cat, moving your hand around on the ground for them to pounce on, waving a feather toy around, rolling a ball towards them, etc. they generally won’t use their claws. If they want to play they’ll start playing. This can look like their eyes going wide and them paying attention to the plaything, doing the prey butt wiggle, and swiping at the toy. If they don’t want to play they usually just won’t react to what you’re doing or watch you with disinterest and neutral eyes.
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slutfics · 5 months
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ᥫ᭡. FATHER HEADCANONS .ᐟ
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characters: obito uchiha, kakashi hakate, itachi uchiha & neji hyuga.
warnings. none. fluff, domestic life, not proofread.
writers note. how i think they’ll act as fathers, kakashi isn’t married i believe and the other ones are dead, so i just wanted to make a little something for my beloveds, especially for obito since he’s been nothing but a nuisance in my head. I love him.
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OBITO UCHIHA !
he’s definitely the ‘big family’ type of guy, probably would want at least four kids, five the highest. yea, he likes having little spawns, even if he doesn’t look like it.
he doesn’t yell or spank his children, however there’s been times when he has yelled because they were acting out.
when he’s irritated, his children would know it’s time to stop, his voice deepens and becomes stern and he has a look that makes them stop whatever behavior they were doing. he could be scary, but other than that he’s a chill dad.
his ‘time-out’ methods are putting his kids in the corner or extending their chores. sometimes he’ll make them clean the front yard and bathroom.
he actually smacks his kids over the head when they don’t listen or throw his slippers at them. depending the age of his children, let’s say ten through fifteen, they’ll think it’s funny before he has them cleaning something they don’t wanna do.
his uchiha genes are stronger than yours, they’ll have his eyes and hair color and depending how many kids you have with him, only couple would have your hair color and eyes (the skin color will possibly slip in). they’re also short tempered.
he likes training his kids and is often proud of them when they finally have it down.
he keeps all of their colorings they’ve made him, he keeps them somewhere safe so they can’t get ruined or lost. (he might go bonkers if they get lost).
he’s a very overprotective dad, his children have to be home at a certain time. he will personally hunt them down if they’re not home by the time sunsets.
obito spoils his children but not to the point where they don’t understand ‘no’ he will put his foot down and doesn’t tolerate tantrums. he also doesn’t have favorites, he knows that isn’t right, especially as a parent, all of his children are treated equally.
wise words from obito to his children: “get your ass down from there right now.” “keep acting like lunatic and I’ll send you home and you won’t come out there until dinner, do you understand?”
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KAKASHI HAKATE !
kakashi would only want two kids, a boy and a girl. he sees this as a perfect amount, he’s fine with children, he just doesn’t want a zoo of them, and plus he’ll probably have grandchildren in future.
he’s a very chill and patient dad, he knows how to handle his children and they listen pretty good, however.. they’re sassy and he knows they got that from him and he refuses to admit it. his kids are pretty mean, but they mean well.
he also doesn’t spank his kids, but he does make his kids clean the entire house and makes sure there isn’t a single speck of dust flying around.
kakashi knows his children’s interests and will personally try to understand it, even if some of them are a bit weird.
he’s the type to tell his children that santa won’t bring them presents because they’re misbehaving and won’t listen to him. he’ll also tell them that the boogieman will drag them out of bed by their feet and take them away. (they haven’t slept in their own room for a week).
he likes to pinch his children cheeks, he thinks it’s adorable. he also ruffles their hair, especially if his children possessed his beautiful spiky hair.
kakashi’s genes are strong, but it’s a well mixture of yours, if you have moles, freckles or whatever, your children with kakashi will have them.
there’s been times where he doesn’t know how to handle temper tantrums, the only thing that comes to mind is to send his kids to their room to have them scream it out. (they’ll fall asleep afterwards and by the time they wake up dinner is already done.)
kakashi is a good listener, he knows how to handle his kids emotions and is there for them. however there’s been times he has to be straightforward with them, he knows he can’t always sugarcoat things just because they’re his kids.
kakashi may be chill, but he does have strict rules for his children to follow. he has tied his child to a tree and will do it again if he has to.
kakashi’s wise words to his beloved children: “oh! is that so? would you like me to tell mommy what you have been doing? no, then knock it off.” “you are in big trouble when we get home, you are to clean the bathroom, do I make myself clear?”
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ITACHI UCHIHA !
itachi, the gentle soul that he is. he’s also someone who will have two children, genders are irrelevant to him, he’s just happy to have a family, even if his little spawns have him stressing and worried.
he’s the type of dad that you wouldn’t want to be mad, they know it’s time to settle down when he’s upset. itachi doesn’t have to say anything but look at them, and you wouldn’t know if he’s mad, but they do, they know when he’s pissed and that has them shutting up within an instant.
itachi doesn’t lay a hand on them nor does he yell, but he does put them in time-out or send them to their room and have them think about what they have done.
itachi is a rather patient dad, and if his kids are toddlers he would know how to handle them and calm them down. he likes taking them on walks and have them cry on his shoulder as he tells them a little story or something to have them keep their mind occupied. if that doesn’t help, he’ll try putting them down for a nap.
he likes making them their foods. he’s the one who packs their lunch for school and makes them breakfast in the morning, he also makes sure that his kids have healthy meals. yes, he allows his children to eat junk food, just not all the time. he wants his kids to grow big and strong, as he likes to tell them.
he likes listening to them talk about their day at school or just have a casual conversation with them, he really likes quality time.
his children don’t get bullied in school, he’s scared them off, as much as he’s a gentle man, he’s still a scary guy and doesn’t tolerate other children bullying his own. he doesn’t like seeing them cry. however, he will speak the child’s parents in hopes to settle things.
when his kids suggested a game, he lets them win, especially if it’s hide n seek, he knows exactly where his kids are hiding and he hides in the most basic spots for them. (he just really likes hearing their squeals and giggles when they find him.
if his children are older, he would like to know where they are heading off, he doesn’t restrict them from having fun with their friends, he just doesn’t want anything bad happening to them when they are out. they have a certain time they have to be back home. will not tolerate back talk.
he does ground his children, the longest time they have been grounded was three months and no, he doesn’t forget and will make sure they learn they lesson. he loves them, but he will teach them that their actions have consequences.
itachi’s wise words to his children: “you are misbehaving, would like me to grounded you? then stop that.” “I will not be teaching you that, you have not been listening to be for the whole day.”
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NEJI HYUGA !
neji is aware how difficult it will be to rise kids, so he’ll possibly have two or three kids, genders don’t matter to him, he made them and he’s going to raise them the best he can. there’s a lot of things that he doesn’t tolerate with them and that is back talk, he doesn’t like back talk, at all.
neji definitely spanks his kids, is it hard? no, not at all, but it’s enough to sting and he’s well aware how heavy his hand could be. he also has a major soft spot for them, so spanking his kids isn’t often.
his byakugan does actives when he’s pissed off with them and that could be a scary sight for them and they know they’re in deep trouble, especially when they did something they weren’t supposed to do. his children don’t purposely make him mad, it’s horrifying to them.
neji doesn’t like when his kids cry, it makes his heart pang and he tries his best to comfort them.
his the one who bandages them up when they get hurt and will lecture them as he does so. he knows how reckless children can get, especially when they are unattended. sometimes he’ll have to supervise them.
when he trains his kids, he does not overwork them, once he sees them tired and barely holding themselves up, he’ll either stop or have them rest up a bit before continuing. he makes them tea and food, or give them water then have them shower.
his children have a bedtime routine, his kids need to be well rested and will not stay up to early, he has them study occasionally so they know what they are doing.
he’s the type of parent to pinch his kids arms, that’s a warning sign for them to knock their shits off or they’re in big trouble once they return home. or sometimes he’ll simply just look at them and they’re already know they’re in trouble.
if his children were to snitch on another and they’re yelling who did and who’s denying, everyone is in trouble and they are to stand in the corner until he says they can leave and if they start acting up, he sends them to their room to take a nap or he’ll train them.
neji is a good dad and he’s a bit on the strict side when comes to them, however he doesn’t prevent them from doing things they want to do, as long as it’s not criminal or cause them serious harm. he’s also the type to tell his children to get up back and try again or tell them to walk it off.
neji’s wise words to his kids: “do you want me to give you pow-pow? then stop this nonsense.” “get in the corner and think about what you did.”
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© SLUTFICS. . . please do not repost, steal, copy or publish my works on other platforms, however reblogging and ♡ are greatly appreciated.
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splatoonpolls · 13 days
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a really long analysis about fanon Marina and the flanderization by fandom she has gotten
fanon marina (the version created by the fans) mainly focuses on two things, her being autistic coded and her being basically confirmed to be a lesbian. And I do think this has to do with her being VERY much like a typical splatoon fan in many people’s eyes. Her being a nerdy queer neurodivergent person. This is also why other parts, especially her relationship with her being an octoling gets often locked away. Subconsciously at least
if Marina was a book, several chapters would focus on her identity as a dome octoling. Her being autistic would probably pop up here and there, but it wouldn’t be a whole chapter. But her very much gay relationship with Pearl would definitely have a few chapters. But with people focusing on those few lines and chapters rather than the whole book. People would slowly ignore the other chapters, get shocked like Adam Sandler learning Pac-Man was the bad guy in the hit movie pixels.
the splatoon fandom’s western side is mainly white Americans and Europeans. Which is one reason why the fanon Marina doesn’t focus on her identity as an octoling, but also on how many details are not really told to the player. Marina barely shows her ears, which can both be read as her having sensory issues (which is a super valid headcanon(, but also her not feeling super comfortable with her body. With her ears being a reminder of her “you are with people who still think you are only going to steal stuff”. Her tentacles may be weird, she may lack the eyeliner an inkling has. But those things can simply be a stylistic choice. Her ears can’t be one. They are too different. I also know the DLCS focuses more on her identity as a dome octoling. However many can understand how her arc as a whole can be paralleled to the real life experiences of people belonging to marginalized ethnic communities. I also want to point, while writing this. I realized (which many people probably already did). Dome octolings you see outside of the domes (splatoon 2 octolings, Marina, Acht, Paul), are all refugees. They are all characters who grew up in a society that had been shunned for decades, even centuries. That society ended up being oppressive both due to external and internal issues. They know the society they’re living in is no longer a good place to live in. So they escape. Hoping to find a place that will take them on. For agent 8, Marina, and Paul. They found a safe place. Acht wasn’t super lucky however. They were told they could find a “promised land” only to be left in even more ruin before. So not only does Marina’s character arc focus on her being a part of an ethnic minority, but a refugee at that. so why does fanon marina usually avoid that part of her? Well as a mentioned before. Marina has three things that makes her very relatable. While the more backstory focused things are less relatable to a way smaller margin of the splatoon fandom. A way smaller part of the fandom are poc in a very white country. And a very small percentage are refugees.
if we removed Marina’s backstory. We would still be left with the fanon version. A nerdy autistic lesbian who deeply loves Pearl. I love how Nintendo got a game that also isn’t afraid to show a society that cares about queer people if not is queer centric itself. Which is probably why many people cling to that part of Marina. But if we removed that part. What would we be left with? Well, we would have an octoling refugee who is a trained soldier and can create weapons of destructions (and she would still be in love with Pearl, it is an important part of her backstory). im not saying the splatoon fandom’s openness to lgbtq and neurodivergent people is a bad thing just because they boil down one of the most plot heavy characters down to those things. It is actually a really great thing to have a fandom that is open to these marginalized groups.
i just want to say, due to this love for Marina being a character you can relate to. It feels like certain parts of Marina’s character (which can also be very relatable to some) is being drifted away to the more lore centric side of the fandom. Which will lead to a sort of fandom flandarization which is very unintentional and just done due to a love of Marina as a character.
If you’ve read this an disagreed, that is fine. Character writing is a very subjective thing
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anim-ttrpgs · 6 months
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Help Save the World of TTRPGs and Their Creators.
Okay I’m being a little dramatic, but at the same time I’m pretty serious. This is a call to action, and the livelihoods of myself and lots of other people, many of them (like myself) disabled, are depending on it. This is a post about why, what you can do about it, and (perhaps least often answered) how.
This post is actually an accompaniment to another discussion by someone else. If you don’t want to listen to a 90-minute in-depth discussion of much of what I’m about to tell you, you can just keep reading. Otherwise, click here or here and listen to this either before or after you read this post. (They’re the same thing, just different sources.)
If you have ever made or reblogged posts urging people to switch from Google Chrome to Firefox, you should be willing to at least give a try to other TTRPGs besides D&D5e for much the same principle reasons. I’m not telling you you have to hate D&D5e, and I’m not telling you you have to quit D&D5e, I’m just asking you to try some other games. If you don’t like them, and you really want to go back to D&D5e, then go back to D&D5e. But how can you really know you won’t like other games if you have literally never tried them? This post is a post about why and how to try them. If you’re thinking right now that you don’t want to try them, I urge you to look below to see if any of your reasons for not wanting to try them are covered there. Because the monopoly that WotC’s D&D5e has on TTRPGs as a whole is bad for me as a game designer, and it’s bad for you as a game player. It’s even bad for you if you like D&D5e. A fuller discussion of the why and how this is the case can be found in the links above, but it isn’t fully necessary for understanding this post, it’ll just give you a better perspective on it.
If you’re a D&D5e player, I’m sure at some point or another, you’ve been told “play a different game”, and it must get frustrating without the context of why and how. This post is here to give you the why and how.
[The following paragraph has been edited because the original wording made it sound like we think all weird TTRPGs suck.]
Before that though, one more thing to get out of the way. I'm going to level with you. There’s a lot of weird games out there.
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You are gonna see a lot of weird TTRPGs when you take the plunge. Many of them try to completely reinvent what a TTRPG even is, and some fail spectacularly, others really do even up doing something very interesting even if they don't end up being what a core TTRPG player wants. But not every indie RPG is a Bladefish, lots and lots of them are more 'traditional' and will feel very familiar to you, I promise. (And you might even find that you like the weird experimental bladefish type ones, these are usually ideal for one-session plays when your usual group can't play your usual game for any reason.)
You're also going to probably see a lot of very bad games, and man have I got some stories of very bad games, but for now I'm just saying to make sure you read the reviews, or go through curators (several of which will be listed below), before you buy.
Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to go down a list of concerns you may have for why not, and then explain the how.
“I don’t want to learn a whole new set of rules after I already spent so much time learning D&D5e.”
Learning a new set of rules is not going to be as hard as you think. Most other TTRPGs aren’t like that. D&D5e is far on the high end of the scale for TTRPGs being hard and time-consuming to learn and play. If you’ve only played D&D5e, it might trick you into thinking that learning any TTRPG is an overwhelmingly time-consuming task, but this is really mostly a D&D5e problem, not a TTRPG problem as a whole.
“D&D5e has all of these extra online tools to help you play it.”
So what? People have been playing TTRPGs without the help of computers for 50 years. To play a well-designed TTRPG you won’t need a computer. Yes, even if you're bad at math. There are some TTRPGs out there that barely even use math.
“I’m too invested in the narrative and characters of my group’s current ongoing D&D5e campaign to switch to something else.”
There are other games, with better design made by better people for less money, that are the same kind of game as D&D5e, that your current characters, lore, and plot will fit right into and do it better. And no, it's not just Pathfinder, there's others.
“I can’t afford to play another TTRPG.”
You probably can. If you’ve only played D&D5e, you might have been made to think that TTRPGs are a very expensive hobby. They aren’t. D&D5e is actually uniquely expensive, costing more than 3x more than the next most expensive TTRPG I can think of right now. Even on the more expensive end, other TTRPG books will cost you no more than $60, most will cost you less than $20, and a whole lot of them are just free. If you somehow still can’t afford another TTRPG, come to the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book club mentioned below, nominate the game, and if it wins the vote we will straight up buy it for you.
(By the way, if you had any of the above concerns about trying other games besides D&D5e, that really makes it sound like you are in a textbook abusive relationship with D&D5e. This is how abusers control their partners, and how empires control their citizens, by teaching you to think that nothing could ever get any better, and even though they treat you bad, the Other will treat you even worse.)
“If I don’t play D&D5e, which TTRPG should I play?”
That’s a pretty limited question to be asking, because there will be no one TTRPG for everything. And no, D&D5e is not the one TTRPG for everything, Hasbro’s marketing team is just lying to you. (Pathfinder and PbtA are not the one system for everything either!) Do you only play one video game or only watch one movie or only read one book? When you finish watching an action movie like Mad Max, and then you want to watch a horror movie, do you just rewind Mad Max and watch it over again but this time you act scared the whole time? No, you watch a different movie. I’m asking you to give the artistic medium of TTRPGs the same respect you would give movies.
“I want to play something besides D&D5e, but my friends won’t play anything else!”
I have several answers to this.
Try showing them this post.
If that doesn’t work: Make them. Put your foot down. This works especially well if you are the DM. Tell them you won’t run another session of D&D5e until they agree to give what you want to do at least one try instead of always doing only what they want to do. This is, like, playing 101. We learned this in kindergarten. If your friend really wants to play something else, you should give their game a try, or you’re not really being a very good friend.
If that doesn’t work, find another group. This doesn’t even mean that you have to leave your existing group. A good place to start would be the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club which will be mentioned and linked below. You can also go to the subreddit of any game you’re interested in and probably meet people there who have the same problem you do and want to put together a group to play something other than D&D5e. You might get along great with these people, you might not, but you won’t know until you try. Just make sure to have a robust “session zero” so everyone is on the same page. This is a good practice for any group but it is especially important for a group made of players you’ve just met.
“I only watch actual plays.”
Then watch actual plays of games that aren’t D&D5e. These podcasts struggle for the same reasons that indie RPGs struggle, because of the brand recognition and brand loyalty D&D5e has, despite their merit. I don’t watch actual plays, or else I would be able to list more of them. So, anyone who does watch actual plays, please help me out by commenting on this post with some non-D&D5e actual plays you like. And please do me a favor and don’t list actual plays that only play one non-D&D5e system, list ones that go through a variety of systems. The first one I can think of is Tiny Table.
“I can just homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e.”
Even though I want to, I’m not going to try and argue that you can’t actually homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e. Instead, I’m going to ask you why you’re buying two $50 rulebooks just to throw away half the pages. In most other good RPGs, you don’t need to change the rules to make them fun, they’re fun right out the box.
“But homebrewing D&D5e into any kind of game is fun! You can homebrew anything out of D&D5e!”
Firstly, I promise that this is not unique to D&D5e. Secondly, then you would probably have more fun homebrewing a system that gives you a better starting point for reaching your goal. Also, what if I told you that there are entire RPG systems out there that are made just for this? There are RPG systems that were designed for the purpose of being a toolbox and set of materials for you to work with to make exactly the game you want to make. Some examples are GURPS, Savage Worlds, Basic RolePlaying, Caltrop Core, and (as much as I loathe it) PbtA.
“I’m not supporting WotC’s monopoly because I pirate all the D&D5e books.”
Then you’re still not supporting the smaller developers that this monopoly is crushing, either.
Now, here’s the how. Because I promise you, there’s not just one, but probably a dozen other RPGs out there that will scratch your exact itch.
Here’s how to find them. This won’t be a comprehensive list because I’ve already been typing this for like 3 hours already. Those reading this, please go ahead and comment more to help fill out the list.
First, I’m gonna plug one of my own major projects, because it’s my post. The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club. It’s a discord server that treats playing TTRPGs like a book club, with the goal of introducing members to a wide variety of games other than D&D5e. RPGs are nominated by members, then we hold a vote to decide what to read and play for a short campaign, then we repeat. There is no financial, time, or schedule investment required to join this book club, I promise it is very schedule-friendly, because we assign people to different groups based of schedule compatibility. You don’t have to play each campaign, or any campaign, you can just read along and participate in discussion that way. And if you can’t afford to buy the rulebook we’re going to be reading, we will make sure you get a PDF of it for free. That is how committed we are to getting non-D&D5e RPGs into people’s hands. Here is an invite link.
Next, there are quite a few tumblr blogs you can follow to get recommendations shown to you frequently.
@indierpgnewsletter
@indie-ttrpg-of-the-day
@theresattrpgforthat
@haveyouplayedthisttrpg
@indiepressrevolution
Plenty of podcasts, journalists, and youtubers out there do in-depth discussions of different systems regularly, a couple I can think of off the top of my head are:
Storyteller Conclave (I’m actually going to be interviewed live on this show on April 10th!)
Seth Skorkowsky
Questing Beast
The Gaming Table
Rascal News
Lastly, you can just go looking. Browse r/rpg, drivethrurpg.com, indie press revolution, and itch.io.
Now, if you really want to support me and my team specifically Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, our debut TTRPG, is going to launch on Kickstarter on April 10th and we need all the help we can get. Set a reminder from the Kickstarter page through this link.
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If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, there’s plenty of ways to get one!
Subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!
Donate to our ko-fi and send us an email with proof that you did, and we’ll email you back with the full Eureka prerelease package with the most updated version at the time of responding! (The email address can be found if you scroll down to the bottom of our website.)
We also have merchanise.
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nadvs · 2 months
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can we please have sleeping with the enemy rafe finally announcing to his friends (and max) that they’re dating now!! 😓😓 (ps. i LOVE your fanfics🤞)
thank you sm, love!! yes yes definitely 🥰 i had to make it super fluffy i had no choice
based on this fic, continuation of this blurb
after they eat a late lunch at an off-campus restaurant, rafe is relieved that she doesn’t ask him to drive her back to her dorm. now that they’ve put it into words, this mutual understanding that their friendship had at some point become much more, he hates the idea of being apart from her.
and once he realizes that, he also realizes he’s gone soft. because he used to never think stuff like that, like it would actually physically hurt to be away from somebody. but she’s the only one he thinks like this about. and now, he figures he can say this stuff out loud.
“you’re my favorite person to hang out with,” rafe says, his thumb tapping over the steering wheel once he starts up the car.
he cringes at himself. it still feels weird saying shit like that. they usually just crack jokes and tease each other. but when he looks over at her, at how bright her smile is, he knows he’s going to keep saying stuff like that until it feels normal, because it’s worth it if she’s going look at him like that.
he suggests they hang out at the house and she happily agrees. they’re curled up on the couch and while they used to always subconsciously be touching in some way, their contact is much more intentional now.
rafe has his arm around her as they sit together. her knees are drawn up to her chest. the sports channel is always on at the house. on the screen is an nfl player sitting behind a microphone at a post-game press conference.
“you’re gonna hate that,” she says. “the interviews.”
his body always buzzes when she talks like that, like him going pro is inevitable. he’s confident in his skills, but not nearly as sure as her that he’ll make it to the nba.
“you think?” he mumbles, playing along.
“yeah, because you have to be media trained and it will not take,” she teases. “like, imagine you were interviewed about yesterday’s game.”
he squints his eyes, indulging her, thinking back to the win his team secured.
“a reporter asks you what you thought of the other team’s offensive approach,” she says. “what would you say?”
“they played like little bitches.”
“see?” she says with a laugh. “you’d lose all your brand deals in a second.”
“you think i’ll get brand deals?”
“mhm. and lots of girls,” she adds.
“already used to that.”
she slaps his chest.
“i’m breaking up with you,” she jokes.
“so, you finally admit it,” a voice from the top of the stairs says. they look up to see one of the other four basketball players living in the house coming down the steps.
“what do you mean?” she laughs.
“that there’s a relationship to break up,” liam clarifies. “you’re not just friends.”
rafe sighs. liam is one of his friends who never stops fucking with him about how married he is to her. rafe has told him time and time again that they’re just friends.
“yeah, we’re not,” he answers.
“you’re not what?” liam says.
“just friends.”
liam just looks at the two of them as they sit on the couch, blinking slowly.
“wait, for real?” his teammate asks.
“yeah,” rafe nods.
“you’re not denying it?”
“no.”
“i don’t know what to do.” liam scratches his head. “i’ve never gotten this far. uh… finally? congratulations?”
“thanks,” she chimes in.
he looks at them for another few seconds.
“this isn’t a joke?” liam says.
“no,” she answers.
“wow,” he says. “what took so long?”
“you can leave now,” rafe tells him.
“cool.”
she laughs as liam turns and heads down the hallway. the conversation goes about the same way with every other housemate as the news spreads.
eventually, she dozes off in front of the tv. she’s curled up in a ball, her hand wrapped around his bicep, her cheek on his shoulder. he can’t help but take a photo from his vantage point.
when she wakes up, she tells him she should go home. he drives her to her dorm. on the way, she’s scrolling on her phone and sees he posted a story. he hardly ever posts anything.
it’s a photo of her taken just over her head, her eyes closed, lashes resting over her cheeks, hand wrapped around rafe’s arm. it’s a sweet, almost intimate photo.
“wow,” she teases. “you’re going to hard launch me just like that?”
“sure. whatever the fuck that means.”
she laughs.
“you know, guys tend to unknowingly post the worst pictures of their girlfriends,” she tells him. “but this really isn’t that bad.”
“no shit,” he says.
“what, it can’t be bad if you took it?” she guesses, rolling her eyes.
“it can’t be bad ‘cause it’s you.”
she glances over at rafe, watching the passing street lights glowing over his handsome face. is this the kind of stuff he’s been thinking and never saying out loud? they were always honest with each other, but she gets why he wouldn’t say things like that if he thought them. it’s so far from friend territory.
she’s determined to do the same thing. to go back to saying everything on her mind to him, instead of stopping herself from sharing her affectionate thoughts like she’s gotten used to doing.
they share a long kiss before she gets out of the car. when she makes it to her room, she reposts the photo on her story, his account clearly linked. just so there’s no confusion and simply because she’s so giddy, she captions it: boyfriends can take good pics sometimes?
it reminds her of the first night they hooked up and she posted a photo of him shirtless in her room.
eventually, everyone on her squad and every basketball player on the team, including her ex-boyfriend, view the story. it’s crazy how part of the reason she and rafe even got together was for revenge over him. she was shattered when max broke things off, but he inadvertently pushed her towards her best friend.
now, there’s no way anyone can misconstrue things. rafe is her boyfriend. and she’s proud of it.
so, she keeps her promise to herself. she won’t miss any opportunity to tell rafe how much she likes him. she texts him: i’m so so so glad i met you
he replies: only three so’s?
she texts: +5 more so’s
he replies: better
then, her phone buzzes again with a text from him: me too baby. you really are my favorite person
(continuation)
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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year
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Gif art credit to: @viridianv0id
Wally loves physical contact, I’d like to think it’s one of his love languages alongside quality time and words of affirmation, but mainly he adores hand holding; Sure it felt like holding a styrofoam packing peanut made of felt but it’s reassuring and grounding for the both of you.
Bonus points: he fiddles with your fingers when he’s in need of something to fidget.
Wally hates, hates, hates crowded areas.
This is based on what clown said about Wally going to Walmart and immediately wanting to leave.
(This maybe a bit projecting on my half) He gets overwhelmed easily despite how self assured he is. That’s just his mask and he truly hates being overwhelmed whilst in a crowded room.
Let’s say for example he goes to see a theatre but sees how loud and crowded the room is with families, and suddenly Wally doesn’t seem all that up to watching the pantomime anymore and would rather watch a prerecorded one at home where it’s less chaotic.
It’s too much for Wally. It drains him and leaves him wanting compensation cuddles or to be left on his own if he’s not feeling up to being touched after that.
(I work in catering for a local theatre and let me tell ya…when shows are on…it’s honestly too much. Too crowded, too loud for me and all I want to do is go home. Thankfully it’s few and far between cuz when they’re on, i’ve already done my shift.)
Painting, drawing, sketching is Wally’s therapeutic outlet. Something he does not only as a favoured pastime but more so as an healthy method to expressing his inner most feelings because after all, art is about expressing your innermost thoughts. So being the main star brought about a ton of weight for Wally to uphold an image of perfection; which is only made worse the longer he’s forced to act in opposite of what he’s actually like.
There’s a reason why his well known place beneath a tree and -probably- away from the rest of bubbly town of welcome.
Likes to frame any and all art done by you on the walls of his home, even if it’s shit, it’s already up on the wall because Wally loves your artistic approach to things…especially that weird lump that’s supposed to be a dog…you’ve made an attempt and that’s all Wally gives a shit about. (This goes out to my fellow people who aren’t as artistically gifted.)
Wally is your personal hype puppet. He’s so encouraging in whatever you do but please maybe don’t attempt in climbing up house and using him as a jumping off point and into the pool below…please do anything except that. He’s willing to indulge you in apple picking, water balloon fights -as long as his pompadour is covered by a shower cap or something- but not to the extent where you could injure yourself.
Wally probably doesn’t understand what injuries are but let me live and say that even if you do injure yourself, he’s got the cutest array of bandages, plasters and the like as he stands before you like;
Wally: do you want the hello kitty plaster or the moshi monsters ones? 🤨🧐
You: hello kitty plz 🥺🤕
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zeltqz · 4 months
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I can’t stop thinking about Rin eating his girl out for a first time and cumming in his pants without even noticing. He would be so awkward and anxious ab it but so cute RAAAHHH
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“I got a question,” you asked, turning to look at Rindou. 
“Shoot.” The two of you were on your bed, in the midst of cuddling, when you popped the question,
“Why haven’t you eaten me out yet?”
Rindou glanced at you. “Because I’ve never done it before.”
“You’re fucking lying.” Your mouth was open, shocked, as you sat up, looking down at the boy next to you. 
“I’m not.” Rindou had one arm behind his head and shrugged, the other fiddling with the blanket. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Because you’re you,” you stated dumbly yet seriously, and Rindou simply arched his brow at you. 
“What?”
You huffed. “Want me to be blunt about it?”
“Sure.”
“How do you have the reputation you have and tell me right now you’ve never given a girl head?”
He shrugged again and you groaned, wondering if you were just making a big deal over nothing. You moved to lay back down and stared at your ceiling, coming to the conclusion that no, you weren’t in fact overreacting, yes this was weird, and no amount of him acting nonchalant could change that. 
“I’m sorry but it just doesn’t make sense!” you continued. Beside you, Rindou groaned. 
“If I knew you were gonna make a big deal out of this then I wouldn’t have told you.”
“I’m not making fun of you or anything. It’s just like wow. You know?”
He scrunched his nose. “Not really.”
“How would you react if I told you that I’d never sucked a dick before?”
“But you have. Mine,” he said with a smirk. You rolled your eyes.
“Well yeah. But that’s not the point.”
He hummed thoughtfully. “I guess it'd be kinda weird.”
You interrupted him. “See—!”
“But it’s two different things,” he finished and your mouth slammed shut. “We aren’t the same.”
“What?” Dimly, you knew where he was going with this, and had to prepare yourself for the amount of bullshit he was about to spew out of his mouth. 
“Cause like. Blowjobs are a necessity in sex. How else are we supposed to get hard? It’s different because girls get wet regardless. I don’t need to eat you out to get you wet.”
You pinched your nose bridge. “That’s not the point.”
“What is the point then?”
“It’s about making us feel good.”
“You feel good during the actual sex, no?” he asked, turning to face you on his side. 
“Before you, not really. Maybe the guys I was with just sucked.”
“Unfortunate for you,” he chuckled, laughing when you threatened to suffocate him with your pillow. “Really though that’s unfortunate for you.”
“Yeah I know,” you sulked. “I’m over it now though. But I guess I understand you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like.” You also turned to face him, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I’m not a big fan of giving blowjobs cause they’re always rough with it and my jaw and throat hurts for days after. So I understand you kinda.”
“It’s not that I hate doing it. I just don’t see the point.”
“But whyyy ? Because it doesn’t benefit you?”
Rindou rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re making me sound like a dick.”
“Not me. Your responses are.”
“What, so you want me to eat you out? Is that where you’re going with this?” He looked you dead in the eye and you stammered. 
“W—what? Where’d you get that from?”
“You keep obsessing over the fact that I never gave head before.”
“Uh no! It’s just shocking, that’s all,” you defended, getting marginally more irritated when he still looked like he didn’t believe you. Scoffing, you rolled your eyes. “That doesn’t matter anyway. You wouldn’t be able to handle me,” you teased, a cheekily proud smile on your face as you shifted to lay back down.
“Girl, stop playing around and come here.” He put a gentle, but firm hand on your lower back and tugged you towards him. You kept laughing and brushed some hair out of his face, your hand lingering on his cheek as your eyes roamed all over his face. His eyes were a shade of violet you’d never seen before and the way he was looking at you right now has your stomach tightening in knots. 
His hand slid from your lower back, a warm heat following his palm as he skimmed over your ass, grabbing your thigh and jerked your leg over his hips. He leaned in and kissed you. It was soft and sweet and made you lose yourself in it for a moment before you came to a realisation and reluctantly pulled away. 
“Wait, you were serious?”
“Yeah?” He looked down at your chest, hand moving to your waist. “You thought I wasn’t?”
“Yeah. It just seems a bit…I dunno. I don’t want you to feel forced into doing it,” you whispered. He rolled his eyes and sat up, your back moving to lay flat as he rolled on top of you.
“Nobody can force me to do anything” he stated, and kissed you again. 
“I know but—” You barely had time to respond as his lips pressed against yours again. His hips lowered against yours and the growing erection in his shorts brushing against your inner thighs had you humming reverently into his mouth. “This feels different though,” you finished, out of breath as you finally gathered the strength to break away.
“Doesn’t have to be. It can be an experiment or something.” His head dipped down to leave a trail of ticklish kisses on your neck, body bowing up to press your chest against his. “Besides, I kinda wanna know how it feels now,” he mumbled against your skin.
“Really?” you asked, mildly embarrassed of the way your voice went high for a moment.
“Mmhm.” He sat up and grabbed your hips, lifted them up at an angle to help slide your shorts down, your panties following shortly after.
You didn’t have time to feel embarrassed as he spread your legs open, running his hands up and down your thighs as he eyed your exposed pussy. “Fuck,” he breathed, setting your hips back down on the bed.
“Rindou,” you whispered as he set himself between your legs. His eyes lingered on your beautiful pussy, how it was already wet, slick sticking to your folds. He licked his lips. He looked up at you and you smiled shyly, fighting the urge to hide your face in the pillow at the feeling of being so exposed to him. 
He gripped onto your thighs, nails digging into your skin as he dipped his head down, licking a long, experimental stripe up your pussy. Your mouth fell open, a slow, long, shaky breath escaping you. 
He gauged your reaction, licking another stripe just to watch your head fall back to the pillow, hands scrambling to touch his hair. He grinned and moved closer to your clit, throbbing and shiny from his saliva. The sound that escaped you when he sealed his lips around your clit and sucked was enough to instantly make him hard, his name a long breathy moan on your lips that had him fighting to grind futilely into your bed to relieve some pressure.
He gained some more confidence and began sucking and licking at your pussy, the taste of you sweet and addictive on his tongue. Rindou wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t this. He found himself with this desperate desire to pull as many sounds from you as possible. His tongue, flicking repeatedly against your clit, slid down to your hole, hesitating for a moment before gently pushing it through and the way you keened had him groaning into your cunt. He tongue licked in every direction inside you, fucking in and out, and making the wettest mess on your pussy. His nose brushed against your clit as he moved his face side to side, taking in your scent.
Rindou wasn’t an idiot. He’d seen porn before. He knows how to make a girl scream with his cock, and fingers, but never his tongue. Before he’d never seen the appeal of eating pussy, and before your conversation today, he wouldn’t have been open to the idea. But laying here now, the bottom half of his face drenched in your wetness, and your thighs squishing against the sides of his head, he realised he didn’t want to stop. 
Not even as you came, your walls pulsing tight against his tongue, his arms wrapping around both your thighs to keep you down even as your hips began to twitch. He exploded in his pants. He didn’t even realise, not as his mind was distracted with repeating your moans on loop, on keeping you down on the bed as you tried to squirm away from his tongue. He kept licking and sucking, and kissing your folds until they were puffy and overstimulated. 
He wanted to see your face, what kind of expression you were making but you refused to look at him, two hands covering the sight. He closed his eyes and sucked your clit, feeling it throb in his mouth. Everything was so addictive, the taste of you, the feeling of digging his hands into your thighs, the way your hips couldn’t stay still.
“I can’t—Rin, please,” you begged, voice worn out. “It’s too much.”
“Just a bit more,”  he mumbled, pushing your legs to your chest. He readjusted himself to lick deeper into your pussy, holding your legs by the ankles as you struggled to take anymore of this. “Fuck you taste so good.” He let go of one ankle and spread your folds apart with two fingers, flicking his tongue against your pussy. His face was buried in your sex, eyes squeezed impossibly shut as his mouth sloppily kissed and licked like a starved man.
He hummed and smiled when your entire body jolted. Your hand flew to your mouth and your back arched, gripping the sheets as you came for the second time, your entire body buzzing and you shook, toes curling as you rocked through it. 
He sat up and you watched through tired eyes as he swiped a hand over his face. You raised your arms up and he lowered himself until you wrapped your arms around his neck. He slid his hands under your thighs, lifting you up, and you squealed, wrapping your legs around his hips. 
You pulled him in for a kiss, his tongue tangling with yours. All you could taste was yourself and your face heated up when you realised. He pulled your bottom lip into your mouth and bit it, your moan stuttering off into a groan. You broke the kiss and looked down as he settled you back on the bed, your hand drawn to the hard bulge in his boxers. 
He hissed when you grabbed his cock, then froze as your hand touched something wet. You slowly peeled your hand away and brought it up to your face, your eyes going wide at the strings of cum sticking to your palm.
“Did you…?”
“What?” Rindou looked at you confused before he felt a wet patch in his pants. “Oh my fucking god.” 
“Did you seriously bust in your pants without noticing?”
“Laugh and I’ll kill you.” Your face contorted as you tried to keep from smiling, the facade breaking as you burst into a fit of giggles and laughter, holding your stomach.
“I said you couldn’t handle me, and I was right!”
He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling blood rush to his cheeks turning them to a sensitive pink hue. “Please stop laughing.”
“Oh my god.” You smiled at him, the expression so endearing for a minute he forgot his humiliation until you started giggling again, seeing his blush. 
“I swear I didn’t even feel it,” he sighed, flopping down next to you. You pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck. 
“I won’t tell anyone don’t worry. It was cute.”
It definitely wasn’t his finest moment, and he still doesn’t know how or why his body reacted that way, but the fact remains that this moment will be engraved in his memory every single time he eats pussy in the foreseeable future.
“Oh my god,” he groaned, covering his face, ears heating up when you started cackling again.
“Stop laughing right now before I bring up the time you almost puked when sucking me off.” Your laughter immediately died as you stared at him, his smirk only growing. “Or the time you farted when on top. Or the time you—”
“Finish the last one and I’ll kill you,” you threatened, voice serious.
His mouth was still open, his eyebrows raising as he gauged your reaction. “When you burped in the middle of making out,” he finished and you sat up quickly, smothering him in the face with a  pillow.
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youbutstupid · 5 months
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Let’s talk about Spencer Reid’s love for Penelope Garcia.
From season 1 Garcia and Reid always had a special bond that Reid didn’t have with the others. She teased him and scared him like a younger brother and he never seemed to be confused about her intentions; he always knew she was teasing and he responded accordingly. He wasn’t afraid to be annoyed with her or to respond, he seemed really comfortable with her.
Whilst Reid was comfortable all of his team members eventually, in season 1, especially at the beginning, he seemed to have some sort of hesitance towards how he responded to them sometimes but he never showed that with Garcia. She also never showed the same hesitance with him: she didn’t treat him like the weird little nerdy kid but rather how she treated anyone else, she treated him with the same teasing and flirtatious remarks and she was never careful around him. They both were perfectly comfortable with eachother’s weirdness, whether it was Reid teasing her about her illegal hacking or Garcia teasing him about being in a ‘haunted’ house
We see it in bits and pieces through seasons 1-5 with Reid being by Garcia’s bedside the entire time after she was shot in season 3. Then in season 5 they were left together because Reid couldn’t travel due to being shot. Reid is seen doing Garcia’s work with her and the entire time they’re bickering like siblings. Again, we show a comfort between them that we rarely see Reid show. He isn’t nervous in his bickering, he’s willing to meet Garcia right where she is and she’s more than happy to have him there
We begin to see more from them from this point, with Reid matching Garcia’s phone call energy; ‘I will be eagerly awaiting your call’ and their teasing remarks between them; ‘what is he doing with their lips?’ ‘maybe he’s eating them’ ‘that image will forever be burned in my memory’ ‘you asked.’
Then season 7 episode 9 you have them both gushing about a friendly ghost together; again just completely enthralled in eachother’s oddness. In season 9 you have them needing to take the fit test together, here their dynamic is amazing. Again, we see a side to Reid we don’t normally see, where he’s willing to talk smack with Garcia and one that really stood out to me was when he touched Garcia’s arm and said ‘you work out? That’s cool I dont’. Considering he is very not physically affectionate, this was quite cute to me considering how comfortably he did it
When he gets shot in season 9 she’s with him the entire time and even protects him by shooting someone which I’m pretty sure is the first time she’s ever actually shot a gun
You have them going to conventions together and breaking the law together by breaking and hacking into Government files
Then we have him bringing her a croissant because he heard she was hungry to which she responds ‘oh you love me and I love you!’ To which he nods; again, up to this point he’s never shown such comfort with someone
Then you have him kissing her head and hugging her in season 12; again, consider the fact that he’s a huge germphobey
You have them getting kidnapped together and stressing to eachother how important to the team the other is
And then in season 15 you have her being at the hospital with him and being in charge of talking to Diana about his injuries, further showing how close they are
‘I will not be dancing at this wedding by myself, do you understand me Dr Reid?’ ‘Yes’ he says with no hesitance or embarrassment
Sorry if I rambled but I just love their relationship so so much
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imaginespazzi · 2 months
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Part 5: The Answers We Wait For
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Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9
I'd go back in time and change it (but I can't)
(In which a writer's busy schedule somehow still had time for her favorite obsession)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Pining
Words: 7.0K (it's very on-brand that my busiest week would produce the longest chapter)
TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)
A/N: Happy Monday lovelies :) How I managed to pull this off is between me and God at this point but here we are. I know it's been an interesting day to say the least, so I'm hoping me living up to my promises can be a silver lining. Quick note that I already fucked up the timeline at some point and Paige Olivia have actually been divorced for almost 3 years. I'll change that eventually. I actually didn't even try to really edit this chapter and in the choice between editing tomorrow and giving it to y'all today, I chose the latter. So please help a girl out and point out my typos/mistakes if you spot them and I will also eventually go back and edit. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forwards. Have a lovely week my loves <3
December 2027
Marriage and weddings had never been at the forefront of Paige’s mind. To be completely honest, for most of her life, there wasn’t much occupying her brain other than the court under her feet and the basketball in her hands. But the couple of times she had let herself picture it, she’d always thought that she’d have a Fall wedding, probably in Minnesota, maybe even on a basketball court. An indoor winter wedding in Texas had never once crossed her mind. She’d imagined vibrant fun bouquets made of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, not the elegant red and white roses arrangements that were currently being placed along a far too heavily decorated aisle. Instead of vintage wines and carefully constructed fancy cocktails, she’d thought it would be nice to have spiked shirley temples and maybe even blue and white jello shots. She had expected to have a quiet ceremony followed by a vivacious gathering of everyone she loved. It had never even occurred to her that her wedding would become a public spectacle with People's magazine in attendance.  She’d pictured a party, not an event. 
Most of all she’d dreamt of getting married to a girl with dark eyes that could see all of Paige’s flaws and a soft smile that promised she’d love Paige despite them all. 
But the thing about dreams is that they’re fleeting trains that travel through the tracks of your mind when you’re asleep, and when you wake up, reality is nothing but a devastating train crash. 
Paige sighs, forcing herself out of her own head, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks pretty. Brittany had found her a nice white wedding suit -fitted to perfection- matching it with dainty silver jewelry. Paige normally liked her outfits a little looser but Olivia loved it and Paige likes that Olivia loves it. Her hair is styled in a bun, with two straightened strands to highlight her face. She thinks she might have preferred to have them curled in the front but Olivia had sweetly insisted on them being straight because hers would be curly and they had to complement, not match. Paige doesn’t really understand the difference or the importance but she thinks if Olivia wants it like that then she's fine with it. She thinks the bold red lipstick heavily coating her mouth makes her look a little bit like a vampire out of a badly directed 90’s horror movie but Olivia had said it was necessary so that the lights and cameras didn’t wash her face out. 
Paige looks pretty. She just doesn’t really look like Paige. 
“What do you think Drewski?” she asks, twirling to face her stone-faced brother who’s sitting on the couch, with a bout of enthusiasm that rings hollow to her own ears, “do I look gorgeous or what?”
“You look weird,” Drews says stiffly and Paige sighs. 
“Dr-” Paige is cut off by her younger brother sauntering over. A confused expression spreads over her features as Drew takes her hand and places it on his forehead, “uh- what are you doing?”
“Paigey, doesn't my forehead feel hot? I feel so sick,” the little boy whines, letting out a series of overzealous dramatized coughs. 
“Your forehead feels fine,” Paige says, slowly removing her hand.
“Well of course you’d think that. You’re not a doctor who knows how to feel foreheads correctly. I think we need to go to the hospital to see a real doctor. Like right now,” Drew pulls at Paige’s hand as she begins to catch onto what he’s trying to make happen. 
“You’re fine Drew.”
“I’m NOT. I’m very, very, very sick. So we have to leave right now. I could be contagious. I could be a danger to all these people,” Drew’s animated hands start to fly everywhere, “you can’t get married when your little brother’s sick. It’s- it’s just wrong. Bad juju or something like that. Everybody will understand that you just had to call off the wedding. For family reasons.”
“Drew-” Paige tries again, a hard pit settling in her stomach. 
“Are you worried cause you didn’t bring your car? That’s okay I’m sure Ice or KK will drive us but you can’t get married today Paigey. You just can’t,” his bottom lip trembles as the façade of illness slips and Paige feels her own eyes start to get glossy, “it’s not right Paigey. This is all wrong. She’s all wrong.”
“It’s not like that Drew. You just haven’t gotten to know-”
“I don’t want to know her,” Drew yells, “you don’t even know her. How can you get married to someone you’ve barely dated for a year. How can you do this to Az-”
“That’s enough,” Paige’s voice is eerily calm, as she digs her fingernails into her palm, “watch how you talk to me-”
“You’re being stup-”
“Drew Thomas I am not going to repeat myself again. Behave yourself. You’re not nearly old enough to be questioning what I do with my life,” it takes every inch of self-control Paige has to not let her voice shake. 
Her younger brother’s words feel like acid rain pelting against her already wounded skin. They slip into the gashes, mixing into her bloodstreams to create an army with the battalion of her own thoughts that have been hacking away at her heart for god knows how long. Paige wonders how long it’ll be before she finally bleeds out. 
“Please don’t get married Paigey,” Drew pleads, gripping his sister’s hand, “please.”
There’s nothing but silence as Paige opens and closes her mouth. And she doesn’t know if she’s trying to get words out or breathe air in; all she knows is that Drew might be squeezing her hands, but it feels like someone is strangling her lungs. 
She’s saved from having to say anything by a hesitant knock on the door. As Drew begrudgingly goes to open it, Paige scrambles to put herself back together. She closes her eyes, taking in three deep breaths before-
Drew gasps and Paige’s eyes fly open. With her back turned to the door, she can’t see who it is and something like hope starts to bloom in her chest, vines of maybe it’s her weaving through her ribcage. And as she turns around, they turn to dust; dust that floats up to her eyes and makes them tear up again as she stares dumbfoundedly at the two people standing somewhat awkwardly in her doorway. 
Paige had grown up an independent child. It wasn’t that her parents were neglectful or that they hadn’t loved her enough because they had. But at first it was the constant fighting and then it was the nurturing of a brand new family with new children and Paige had slipped through the cracks of oh she’s so mature we don’t need to worry about her. She had always had her parents as cheerleaders in the stands; no one was prouder of Paige than they were. But no one had bothered to force her to drink terrible tasting immunity boosters. No had patiently dyed her hair purple and pinky promised to like it even if it turned out terrible. No one had yelled at her for being in the gym till one a.m or woken her up at an ungodly hour to run drills. Not until she’d met a girl at 15 and that girl’s parents had decided that Paige was just as much theirs as their own daughter. 
And suddenly there were more people added to her cheering squad for her wins. But that’s not when Paige fell in love with Tim and Katie Fudd. It was when she lost and there was a nagging finger followed by a full breakdown of what she could do better next time and finally, a bear hug promising they’d help her do it. They’d been there every step and she’d sent the invitation, scared they wouldn’t show up, that they wouldn’t be there for this step, a step that inadvertently took her further away from them. But here they are anyway. 
“Hi sweetheart,” Katie says softly, her own eyes moist as she takes in the sight of the bride, “you look- you look absolutely stunning Paige.”
“You came,” Paige whispers, “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you would.”
“Of course we came,” Tim exclaims but his normal boisterous voice doesn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic, “always told you we’d be front and center at your wedding.”
Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 
“I’m really glad you guys came,” Paige says, letting Katie wrap her into a warm hug. She only gets a second to let herself enjoy it before Drew’s asking a question that makes her stiffen. 
“Where’s Azzi?” 
It’s like there’s lightning wrapped in that one syllable and it strikes right through Paige’s heart, setting every inch of it ablaze with the flames of a name that used to feel like cotton candy on her tongue; now it feels like lava. 
“She couldn’t make it,” Tim says slowly and Paige knows she shouldn’t be surprised, let along disappointed that her ex wasn’t coming but there’s a string that snaps anyways. 
“Why not?” Drew asks petulantly. 
“The baby’s due next month,” Tim tells him gently, “she can’t fly.”
The air feels suffocating at the mention of the baby. She’d been scrolling mindlessly through her tiktok feed when the announcement had popped up. She still has it memorized. 
Golden State Valkyries superstar shooting guard Azzi Fudd announces pregnancy on Instagram; she’ll miss the upcoming WNBA season. 
For a moment the world had stopped as Paige had hurriedly switched apps to instagram. And there it was. A smiling picture of Azzi holding a sonogram. Paige doesn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture but she remembers that it was set against a white background and she remembers that Azzi was wearing a green top. And as she’d typed out a congrats! that blended in seamlessly with all the other felicitating comments on the post, Paige had wondered if Azzi had felt it too. She’d wondered if, when Azzi had left a similar congratulations <3 post on Paige’s engagement announcement, she’d felt something unravel too. She’d wondered if Azzi had felt this hollowness of and i guess this is us signing off on never getting forever with each other. 
“So Azzi’s not going to stop this wedding?” Drew’s voice is dangerously even as he rounds on Paige, “and you’re really going through with this?”
“Drew please” Paige says tiredly as Katie runs a soothing hand down her back. 
“You’re stupid. And she’s stupid. You’re all so freaking stupid,” Drew bursts out, stomping past the adults in the doorway, his anger palpable in every single word. 
“I got it,” Tim says, wrapping a wrist around Paige’s hand as she moves to follow her younger brother. He squeezes gently, a half-hearted smile on his face, “it’s gonna be okay kid. It always is.”
Paige wishes she could just believe him, turn off the voices in her head and just be a kid who could take an adult’s word as gospel. But Paige is the adult now and believing no longer comes so naturally. 
“Hey,” Katie says after Tim runs after Drew, pulling Paige to sit with her on the couch, “I have a little wedding gift for you.
“Katie you don’t have-” Paige begins, watching as the older woman pulls out a velvet box from her bag, placing her phone on the table next to her. 
“Oh hush. I told you I’d give this to you,” Katie chides as she hands the velvet box. Paige’s eyes glisten as she opens it to find a familiar purple amethyst necklace. She’s flooded with the vivid image of her and Azzi on a random day in lockdown helping Katie organize her minimal jewelry. Paige had fallen in love with this necklace and Azzi had her eyes set on a pink topaz. It was fitting to say the least and Katie had promised them, with a glint in her eyes, that she’d give it to them as their something old on their wedding day. They’d been in between something and everything but Paige and Azzi had shared a shy smile over it anyways. 
“I can’t accept this,” Paige shakes her head trying to hand the box back but Katie dodges it expertly. 
“Yes you can. It’s basically a family heirloom and you, Paige Bueckers, are family,” Katie says firmly. 
“Katie-”
The older woman presses a kiss to Paige’s forehead as she starts to head out, “you’re always gonna be family Paige. Always.”
Katie’s words act like a band-aid but they’re not enough- maybe nothing will be enough- to fully heal the wound of today i was supposed to officially become a Fudd. 
A ringing noise interrupts Paige’s pity party and she starts half-heartedly digging around for her phone. She’s confused when she finds it because no one’s calling her and the room is still vibrating with noise. Crinkling her eyebrows, Paige’s eyes finally land on the couch side table, where Katie’s phone, clearly forgotten, is buzzing. 
Azzi’s CallerID flashes on the screen. 
Paige stares at the phone, rooted in place. She knows she shouldn’t pick it up, knows she should go return it. Still without a decision, Paige slowly starts to reach for it. And then it stops ringing and Paige goes still again, unsure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she takes another step. The phone rings again. A myriad of thoughts dance through Paige’s mind, opposing thoughts clashing with each other and making her head hurt. She lies to herself that it’s out of concern; that Azzi’s pregnant and this could be important. She lies to herself as she hits the green answer button that it’s not because she’s desperate to hear Azzi’s voice. 
“Mom?” Azzi sounds distraught when she picks up but Paige thinks it’s still her favorite sound any way, “Mom? I think I did something wrong. I can’t do this Mom. You’ve been gone a day and I’ve already fucked up. I don’t know what and I don’t know when but I think I fucked up. Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it’s because I lay on my back instead of my side but Mom she hasn’t kicked all day and I can’t get Dr. Myers on the phone and I-”
“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 
The woman in question is quiet and for a second Paige thinks that Azzi might hang up. 
“It’s a girl Paige,” Azzi says finally. 
“Are you- are you okay?” Paige asks slowly, trying not to dwell on how much she’s missed the way Azzi says her name. It’s been Bueckers every time they’ve seen each other this year and she’s never hated the sound of her last name more. 
“Yeah, I just-” Azzi sighs, her voice still a little frazzled, “I’m just being paranoid cause my Mom’s not here and my doctor’s not answering and the stupid baby hasn’t kicked all day,” she pauses, “sorry. I-I don’t mean to dump on you. Not today at least.”
“Az-”
“Where’s my Mom?”
“She- she’s probably outside. Think she left her phone here by accident. I can go find her but can I-” Paige hesitates, chewing at her lips in a way she knows Olivia hates, “can I help?”
“I don’t think-”
Paige shocks herself with her next words, “put the phone to your stomach.”
“What? Paige, did you hit your head in the last two seconds or something?”
“Just- just trust me,” she’s not really sure what she’s saying but now that she’s said, might as well commit to the bit, “I’mma talk sense into her. I saw it in a movie.”
“You saw it in a-” Azzi sighs and Paige can practically picture her rolling her eyes.  “I don’t know who’s more insane. You for coming up with the idea or me because I’mma follow through it,” there’s a bunch of static noise on the other side as Azzi adjusts herself, putting the phone on speaker and pressing it to her belly, “alright Dr. Bueckers work your magic.”
Paige is nervous as she speaks, “hey there little bean. I’m your-” she stops because what is she, “I’m your Paige,” she decides softly, “and I think- I think you should stop stressing your Mama out. She’s a bit of an overthinker so if you could just help her out, I think she’d really appreciate it. Because if- if you don’t she isn’t gonna be able to sleep tonight and you don’t know this yet but when your Mama doesn’t get sleep, she’s kind of a bi-”
“Paige,” Azzi hisses.
“Big baby,” Paige corrects, “she’s a big baby. And then she cries and it’s not a pretty sight-”
“Hey!”
“Sshhh Azzi I’m working my magic,” Paige scolds, “where was I? Oh yeah. She cries and it’s not a pretty sight because,’ her voice softens, “seeing your Mama cry is the worst thing in the world. I hate it and I know- I know you’re gonna hate it too because when you finally come out little bean, the first thing you’re gonna see is your Mama’s smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do,” a sob escapes on the other end of the line and Paige feels tears start to cascade down her own cheeks, “come on little bean, give us a little kick. Make your Mama smile.”
Time ticks by slowly and Paige closes her eyes, thinking maybe her desperate attempt to keep Azzi on the line had failed miserably. And then Azzi gasps, “she kicked. Oh my god Paige she kicked.”
Paige’s grin stretches her whole face and for a second it almost feels like she’s right there with Azzi, that instead of her ear being pressed to a phone, it’s pressed to Azzi’s belly. For a second she almost feels like she can feel the baby kicking. And then she opens her eyes. 
“Did it make you smile?” 
“Yeah, yeah it did,” Azzi admits and Paige can hear the relief in her voice. 
“I’m glad- I’m glad you have something that makes you smile.”
“Do you?” Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, “do you have someone that makes you smile?”
“Yeah, yeah I do,” and it’s not a complete lie. Olivia does make Paige smile. And maybe it’s not quite as big or bright or real but at least Olivia’s here to try. 
“Good. I-I’m also really glad you have that.”
“You are?”
“Of course I am Paige,” Azzi says quietly, “I want you to smile. I just- I just want you to be happy. Are you happy Paige?”
“I’m getting married today,” Paige says in lieu of an answer and she can hear Azzi’s breath hitch. 
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is. It’s a yes or no question,” Azzi presses.
“Then you answer it Azzi,” Paige bites out, “are you happy?”
“I”m-,” the younger girl lets out a sigh, “I’m content.”
Her answer makes Paige’s skin itch with irritation and she can’t stop it from seeping into her next question, “so you have no regrets then?”
“I didn’t say that,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s voice. 
“Do you or do you not regret saying no to marrying me Azzi?” Paige asks, unable to hold it in any longer. 
“Paige-”
“What? You gonna say it’s not that simple? It’s a yes or no question Azzi,” Paige mocks. 
“That’s not it-”
“Then what is?”
“You’re getting married Paige,” Azzi yells, “you’re getting married,” she repeats again, softer this time, “to someone else. And so it doesn’t matter how I feel. It isn’t fair of you to ask and it wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be fair of me to answer. Not today. Maybe one day- one day it'll be the right time but not today.”
“And what if it’s never the right time?” 
“Then maybe it’s a question you were never meant to know the answer to.”
There’s something final in the quietness that follows, like they’re having a moment of silence at a funeral for what never even got to be. 
It’s Azzi who speaks first. 
“You’re gonna be a wonderful wife P.”
“You’re gonna be an amazing mom Az.”
They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. 
***
March 2033 
Paige doesn’t know how long she stands outside, staring down the winding road that had taken Stephie and Azzi away from her. The neighborhood is slowly waking up and if the woman across the street opens her curtains and thinks it’s a little strange that her new neighbor is standing like a statue on her front porch, she only raises a slight eyebrow before going back to her day. It takes almost twenty minutes before her head finally convinces her heart that no matter how much she stands outside, they’re not coming back. 
There’s a part of her that can admit that maybe Azzi had a point and maybe she shouldn’t have asked her to stay over last night. But Paige has never been known for her common sense, especially not when it comes to Azzi. Because truth be told, asking Azzi to stay the night was perhaps the least ridiculous of the thoughts that had invaded her mind last night. It was easy- too easy- to fall right back into whatever with Azzi. She’d done a good job pretending that the nightly facetime calls had been for Stephie’s benefit but the truth is that they had become just as much a necessity for Paige. She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face every night and the temptation to have that in person last night had been too hard to resist. And so she hadn’t. 
She makes it about three steps up the stairs, when the fort still set up in the living room catches her eye. And that’s when the first tear falls, and then the second and then the third until she thinks if she tried to swim in them, she’d probably drown. Paige abandons the idea of going up to her room and crawls back into the tent made of blankets. And she must be going insane because she swears she can still smell the faint scent of a toddler and Azzi’s lavender perfume on the pillow she cradles to her chest. It’s ridiculous to be so attached already. She knows that. Stephie isn’t hers but it feels like the little girl has crept underneath her skin, burrowing herself in a part of Paige’s heart that the blond didn’t even know was there. And Azzi- well no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much resentment Paige has held, the truth is that there’s a little patch of Paige’s soul  that will always belong to the younger woman. 
Paige barely registers herself falling asleep until there’s abrupt knocking on her door and she realizes she’s been cocooned in the fort for almost three hours. She hesitantly lets go of the pillow, groggily walking towards the door. It’s useless to pretend that she isn’t hoping it’s Azzi and Stephie on the other side, isn’t hoping that Azzi had realized her mistake, isn’t hoping to scoop both of them into her arms and fill the hollowness that’s been thrumming against her ribcage. God Paige has barely survived a month -a day if she’s completely honest- she doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this whole season. 
She crosses her fingers behind her back as she opens the door. 
“Hey,” Katie’s smiling face looks back at her, holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something, “figured you haven’t eaten breakfast yet?”
Paige blinks stupidly as Katie lets herself in, moving through Paige’s house with ease and immediately locating the kitchen. She hands Paige a cup of coffee before ransacking through the bag and pulling out a glazed donut, “eat. I know you haven’t.”
“Does Azzi know you’re here?” Paige asks slowly before taking a bite out of her donut. 
Katie gives her pointed look, “who do you think gave me your address?”
“Is she- is she okay?” 
“You two are something you know,” Katie shakes her head, “you’re asking me if she’s okay and she sent me over here to make sure that you were okay.”
Paige feels her heart swell with after all this time, “she sent you?”
“I have breakfast with Azzi and Stephie every Sunday morning. Now imagine my surprise when I get there today and my oh so sweet and wonderful granddaughter isn’t talking to her mother. And so I forced the story out of Azzi and I barely understood a word she was saying through her tears-”
“She was crying?” Paige feels her lungs constrict. 
Katie shoots her an unimpressed look, “can I finish the story?”
“I don’t like this story. It has Azzi crying.”
“Yeah well the two of you seem to enjoy doing that to each other,” Katie cocks an unamused eyebrow and Paige flinches at the truth of it, “anyways I didn’t understand much of it but she was clear by the end. Seemed to think you needed someone, needed me and so here I am Paige.”
“Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.”
“Well I can leave-”
“Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?”
Katie gives Paige a sad smile, reaching for her hand, “that’s why.”
“Please don’t speak in riddles. It’s 10 a.m and I’m sad,” Paige whines. She might be in her early thirties but there’s something about Katie Fudd that makes Paige feel like it’s okay to be a bit of a child.
“Why is it always no with her and never yes?” Katie repeats, “c’mon Paige you know that’s not about last night.”
“It is,” Paige argues stubbornly. 
“It’s not,” Katie says, gently squeezing Paige’s hand, “it’s about her saying no 8 years ago.”
“I’m ov-” Paige stops, withering under Katie’s glare, “okay maybe it’s a little bit about her saying no 8 years ago. But I’m allowed to still be upset about it. She broke my heart. I wanted forever and she walked away. I’m allowed to be mad about that.”
“Of course you’re allowed to be mad Paige but that’s exactly why Azzi had to go this morning. And it’s exactly why you shouldn’t have asked her to stay last night. You guys can’t just pretend none of it happened because it did. You’re still hurt Paige and ignoring that is gonna get you guys nowhere. Especially with Stephie involved.”
“So what are you saying? You’re saying me and Azzi should just be teammates? You’re saying I should just never see Stephie again,” even the thought of it makes Paige feel like she is laying down on a bed of thorns. 
“You’re so goddamn dramatic Bueckers,” Katie rolls her eyes, “I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying maybe you just need to take it slower, with both of them, instead of having a goddamn sleepover the literal first night you’re in the same city. Besides,” Katie gives her a knowing smirk, “my granddaughter is obsessed with her Miss Buecks. Pretty sure she’d find a way to see you again no matter what.”
“Good,” Paige lets out her first smile of the day, “because I’d find a way to see her again too. She just- she’s kinda great isn’t she? Azzi did a good job with that one. She’s- she’s perfect,” she looks at Katie who’s regarding Paige with a thoughtful expression, “what? Do I have donut glaze on my face?”
“No, no it just- I’ve seen that expression before.”
“What expression?”
“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”
***
“Oh my god. It’s Paige Bueckers. Can I have your autograph?” Steph Curry winks at Paige as she walks into his office. The Golden State legend had started an after-school basketball camp for kids in the Bay Area and as soon as he’d heard the news of Paige coming over to the Valkyries, he’d messaged her if she’d be interested in helping him out in the off-season. Paige had been more than willing to be a part of it, always invested in giving back to her community. If she’d been excited by the idea before though, today, after the worst sleep of her night as she tossed and turned to the hopeless depression of not having spoken to Stephie and Azzi for far too long, Paige really needed this distraction. 
“Don’t think you can afford my autograph,” Paige smirks lazily as she basically droops into the seat opposite him. 
Steph laughs goodnaturedly, “welcome to the Bay Area kid.”
“I’m a little old to be called a kid don’t you think? I’m nearly 25,” Paige grins, wiggling her eyebrows.. 
Steph shakes his head, “nah you’re always gonna be a kid to me. You and Azzi both,” he chuckles to himself, “even though Azzi’s got her own kid now. Have you met her?”
Well that distraction lasted 30 seconds, Paige thinks to herself as she forces a smile onto her face, “yeah. I’ve seen her around.”
“She’s cute as hell right? And she knows it. Little miss bossy pants has everyone wrapped around her fingers. Kinda reminds me of Riley,” there’s a goofy expression as Steph thinks of his daughter and Paige wonders if the same one is reflected on her face as she thinks about Stephie, “and she’s a natural at basketball. Only five and her shot’s already pretty good. You’ll see it today when she comes to camp. And she’s pretty good at defense-”
“I’m sorry what?” Paige blinks rapidly. 
“I know. What defense can a 5 year old play but it’s just the way she moves you know?” Steph tries to explain and Paige shakes her head. 
“Not that. Stephie- Stephie’s coming to camp?”
Steph grins large and proud, “of course she is. She was the first camper I signed.”
“Right,” Paige nods, giving the man in front of her a tight smile, “can you- can you excuse me for one second.”
As soon as Paige is outside of Steph’s earshot, she’s calling Katie; Katie who had sat at her kitchen counter yesterday and listened with a smile as Paige told her all about Steph’s camp. Katie who hadn’t said one word about Stephie being a part of said camp. Katie who was maybe grinning just a little too hard at the idea. 
“Did you know Stephie goes to Curry Camp?” Paige asks as soon as the line connects. 
“Hi Katie. Hi Paige. How was your day? Oh mine was good Paige, thanks for asking, how was yours?” Katie replies sarcastically. 
“Katie,” Paige groans. 
“Did I know that my granddaughter goes to her godfather’s special camp for the sport that her mother plays and she’s obsessed with?” Katie says slowly and Paige can tell she’s holding back a laugh, “nope, didn’t have a clue. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“And ruin the surprise?”
“What happened to telling me to take things slow?” Paige hisses. 
“Well if I left the two of you two to your own devices y’all wouldn’t go slow, you wouldn’t even move at all,” Katie defends. 
“So you’re meddling?”
“I am not,” Katie protests, “you were always gonna help with the camp and Stephie’s already been going to the camp. I just didn’t let you stress out about it. Really you should be thanking me.”
“Thank you Katie,” Paige bites out mockingly. 
“You’re so very welcome Paige,” Katie sing-songs, “by the way, come over for dinner soon okay sweetheart. Love you honey. See you later darling.”
She hangs up before Paige can say anything and the blonde saunters back into Steph’s office, trying to corral her facial expression into something more neutral. 
“All good?” Steph asks. 
“Just peachy,” Paige hums in response, “we gonna head over to the court soon? It’s almost 4.”
Steph nods, “yeah they’ll be done setting up for us. Azzi usually brings Stephie to say hi to me right before cause no favoritism in front of the other kids you know? But maybe she’s running la- oh no wait there they are!”
Paige freezes, heartbeat erratic, as Steph walks to the door in anticipation. 
“UNCLE TWIN,” Stephie screams and something in Paige’s heart starts to fix itself at the sound of the younger girl’s voice. She’s scared to turn around, unsure if she’s more scared to realize it’s a dream or find out that it’s reality. 
“TWIN NIECE,” Steph yells back with equal vigor and Paige can hear Azzi’s laugh now too, each giggle acting like a needle, stitching up the parts of Paige that had felt broken since yesterday morning. She turns around deliberately slowly. Stephie is cradled in Steph’s arms and Azzi’s watching them with a fond smile. And it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a happily married man who’s practically Azzi’s brother if not her uncle, but the sense of that should be me, weighs heavily on Paige’s lungs anyways. 
It’s Azzi who sees her first, smile slowly fading as dark brown eyes clash with light blue ones. 
“Paige,” she whispers softly and there’s a multitude of undecipherable emotions wrapped in that one syllable and Paige thinks she could spend forever just trying to uncover them. 
Stephie’s ear perks up at the mention of Paige’s name as her own little eyes finally land on the blonde, shuffling her feet nervously in the corner. Her bottom lip trembles, eyes watering as she forces herself down from Steph’s lap, racing to Paige. It’s instinct the way Paige falls to her knees, ready to catch the bundle of limps that practically falls into her waiting arms. 
“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers, “I missed you so much.”
Paige’s own eyes water as she buries her face in Stephie’s hair, “me too sweetheart. I missed you so, so, so much.”
In front of them, Steph looks beyond confused as to what's happening and Azzi’s determinedly looking away, even if there’s a lone tear waterfalling down her left cheek. 
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Stephie confesses, voice choked up as she tightens her grip on Paige’s neck, “and I begged and I begged Mama to let me call you but she said you were busy. And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.”
“I know. I know sweetheart,” Paige soothes softly, running her hands down Stephie’s back as the little girl continues to babble. They stay like that for a long time and Paige thinks if she could ask the world for one thing that doesn’t belong to her, she’d ask for Stephie. 
Finally Steph coughs, looking apprehensively between the three girls in the room, “so um- I take it you’ve more than just seen Stephie around then Paige?”
Paige lets out a watery laugh, finally letting Stephie go and turning around but still keeping a hand on Stephie’s shoulder, “yeah I guess that’s true.”
“What are you doing here Miss Buecks,” Stephie asks, looking up at Paige. 
“I’m uh- well Mr. Steph-”
“Uncle Twin,” Stephie corrects immediately and Paige can’t help but grin at the nickname. 
“Right. Uncle Twin asked me to be a coach at his camp and I agreed,” Paige explains, trying to catch Azzi’s eyes but the shooting guard seems determined to focus on a picture of Steph and Ayesha on the wall instead. 
“You’re gonna be my coach,” Stephie squeals, turning around to hug Paige’s knees, “this is the best news of my life.”
Paige feels her heart soar into a sky of you’re the best new of my life Stephie as she bends down to kiss Stephie forehead, “let’s see if you say that when I make you run laps after you miss a shot.”
“You wouldn’t?” Stephie says, looking horrified at the idea. 
“I totally would,” Paige teases. 
Stephie is quiet for a second before a proud smirk blooms on her lips, “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss. I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?”
“Right baby,” Azzi says, finally letting herself meet Paige’s gaze. 
“Well Miss-I-Don’t-Miss, how about you walk over to the court and show us how you don’t miss,” Steph teases. 
Stephie waddles out of Paige’s grip and holds her arms up at Steph, a saccharine smile on her face,“I can’t be tired if I don’t wanna miss Uncle Twin, so can you please carry me over there?”
Steph rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop him from hoisting Stephie onto his shoulders, “alright your highness, let’s go.”
Stephie’s giggles echoe down the hall as Steph runs towards the courts and Paige can’t help the fond laugh that escapes her. 
“She gets that from you, you know,” Paige says softly to Azzi. 
“Gets what?”
“Being a princess who gets everything she wants.”
“Not everything,” Azzi says wistfully, “not everything I want.”
She moves to start following but Paige wraps a hand around her wrist, “I didn’t know Stephie was a part of Curry Camp. I swear I- I didn’t do this on purpose.”
Azzi sighs, “I know. I know you wouldn’t Paige.”
“And I- I wanted to thank you for sending your Mom yesterday. I really- I really did need it even if I didn’t know it,” Paige’s thumb subconsciously rubs against Azzi’s skin, “but you- you always seem to know what I need.”
Azzi rips her hand out from Paige's grip, “you’re doing it again.”
“I’m not-”
“Yes you are. You keep saying things like that- things you shouldn’t say- things I can’t just listen to and be okay,” Azzi brushes her hand against her face, “I know the way I left yesterday was wrong and maybe I was projecting,” she admits in a whisper, “but you just- you make me feel too fucking much. And it's too quick and it’s scares me.”
“Scares you?” Paige scoffs, “I’m not the one who broke your heart Azzi.”
“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’ve lived with that guilt for the last 8 years? Jesus fucking christ Paige. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me,” tears stream down Azzi’s face as she paces the room, “I have never heard Stephie cry so fucking much in my life Paige. And you know who did that to her? Me, I did that. Apparently I’m really fucking good at making people cry but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to break your heart and I don’t want to break my own heart. Not again.”
“Azzi-”
“And so I’m stopping it before it happens. Before I ruin it again.”
Azzi tries to leave again but Paige is faster, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s waist and pulling her flush against her chest so she can’t escape. It’s a terrible idea because now all of her senses are consumed by Azzi as they both become acutely aware of how close they are now. 
“Paige,” Azzi whispers weakly, one hand pressed right against Paige’s heart, “let me go.”
“I think today’s the right time,” Paige says softly, hands grazing Azzi’s waist, “I asked you a question once and you said one day, when the time was right, you’d give me an answer. It’s the right time.”
“I don’t think so-”
“Azzi please,” Paige begs, “do you regret saying no?”
“Paige let me go,” Azzi wriggles against her grip but it only makes Paige tighten her hold. 
“It’s a simple yes or no question.’
“Stephie’s probably wondering where we are-”
“Then answer the damn question and we can go to her-”
“Paige please.”
“Answer the fucking question Azzi.”
“What do you want me to say?” Azzi bursts out finally, “you want me to say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life? You want me to say the minute I said no, I wanted to rip out my tongue? You want me to say that I almost called you several times in the last decade to tell you how stupid I was? You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-”
“What?”  Paige feels the air being snatched from her lungs. 
“The answer to your stupid fucking question,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “is yes. Yes I regret saying no to you Paige. But it doesn’t matter. Because I said no and you found someone else who’d say yes and now it’s too late.”
And Paige thinks that Katie was probably right, that she should probably take things slow. But when it comes to Azzi Fudd, Paige Bueckers has never been one to do what she should. 
“It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman, who’s always been the reason for her biggest, brightest, most real smile.
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waitimcomingtoo · 1 year
Text
Rumor Has It
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Synopsis: chaos ensues when Peter suspects you may be pregnant
Masterlist
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“Do we have any salt and vinegar chips?” You asked as you rummaged through the kitchen pantry.
“No, because those are disgusting.” Rhodey replied without looking up from his newspaper.
“Actually, they’re delicious.” You insisted. “Clearly someone agrees because they’re all gone. I need something bitter. Do we have any pickles?”
“I think we have some left over from Cap’s birthday blowout. I’ll help you look.” Peter got up from his seat at the kitchen table and went over to help you look.
“I’ll look too. I need some cheese balls.” Sam patted his stomach and went over to the pantry. What he found inside was a nearly empty bag of cheese balls waiting for him. Sam slowly held up the bag to everyone sitting at the kitchen table so that they could see it.
“Who ate all the balls?” He said calmly.
“It wasn’t me.” You answered.
“Not me. I don’t eat that crap.” Bucky scoffed.
“What do you call that then?” Tony asked and pointed to the pop tart in Buckys hand.
“Well it’s strawberry flavored, isn’t it? That’s a fruit.” Bucky replied.
“You’re a fruit.” Tony mumbled.
“Come on. Fess up.” Sam urged. “Who finished all the balls?”
“Not me.” Peter answered while everyone else stayed silent.
“Well it was fookin’ one of yus.” Sam snapped and threw the bag to the ground.
“Don’t look at me.” Tony held up his hands in defense. “I haven’t eaten cheeseballs since the 80s. That was also the last time I tried crack. Unrelated.”
“Someone needs to tell me who ate all the balls or there’s about to be an Avengers level threat in this kitchen.” Sam warned.
“I did it. I ate all the balls.” Carol confessed and stood up from the table.
“And just put back an empty bag? Don’t you think the rest of us would’ve liked some balls?” Sam asked as he slowly walked towards her.
“Maybe.” She shrugged. “Or maybe I didn’t care.”
“Maybe you should care. I was looking forward all week to those nice, crunchy balls.”
“We don’t always get what we want.” Carol replied and narrowed her eyes.
“Why did we all decide to drop “cheese” and just say balls?” Peter raised his hand to ask.
“If you finished the balls, you should have replaced them with more balls.” Sam told her.
“I’ve been busy.” Carol shrugged him off.
“Doing what?” Sam scoffed. “Eating all the snacks and not replacing them?”
“Why’d you ask if you already knew?” Carol asked sarcastically, making Sam grow madder.
“I’ll kill you.”
“I’ll kill you harder.” Carol warned back.
“Guys. No fighting in the kitchen.” Tony quipped. “It makes the fruit go bad faster.”
“He’s right. The bad vibes make the banana go brown instantly.” You insisted. Carol looked down at the empty bag of cheese balls and sighed.
“I’m sorry I ate all the balls.” She said sincerely. “I’m on my period right now and I honestly don’t even remember doing it.”
“Fine. You get off the hook this time. But only because I don’t understand how periods work.” Sam said with the same sincerity.
“I can go get some more balls now at the store.” Carol offered. “I need ibuprofen anyway. My cramps are killing me.”
“Hey, sparkles, can you get me some cough stuff while you’re there? My throat is acting up.” Tony said and rubbed his sore throat.
“Why are you always sick?” Sam asked him.
“Your immune system gets weaker as you get older. This cold could very well be his last.” Peter pointed out.
“Thanks.” Tony replied sarcastically through a cough. Carol left for the store and you looked down at the cheese ball bag in confusion.
“What’s today?” You asked Peter.
“The 25th.” He replied. “Don’t ask me what day of the week though. I’ve never known.”
“Hm.” You frowned and put your hand on your stomach.
“What’s wrong?”
“My period was supposed to come on the 10th. I wonder why it’s so late.” You shrugged.
“Weird.” Peter shrugged as well and didn’t think anything of it.
“I guess these will have to do. As entertaining as this was, I’ll be in my room.” You said as you grabbed a bag of tortilla chips, kissed Peters cheek, and left the kitchen. Sam turned to Peter with an amused look on his face, making Peter frown in confusion.
“Uh oh.” Sam chuckled.
“What oh?” Peter asked.
“Nothing. Just don’t ask me to babysit.”
“Babysit who?”
“Your kid.” Sam said simply.
“What kid?”
“The one your girlfriend is pregnant with.” Sam said like it was obvious.
“What?” Peter laughed. “She’s not pregnant.”
“Did we just see the same thing? Her periods late and had weird food cravings? She’s definitely pregnant.” Sam insisted.
“He’s right. Only a pregnant person would willingly eat salt and vinegar chips.” Rhodey said from the table.
“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s no way she’s pregnant.” Peter laughed it off but felt his stomach start to turn with anxiety.
“Oh. My bad. I didn’t realize there was no way.” Sam snorted and looked Peter up and down. It took Peter a minute to realize what Sam was implying and he quickly shut that down.
“Now hold on a minute. Best believe I’m in my baby’s room every night leaving her adequately satisfied. I’m saying there’s no way she could be pregnant because we use protection. And because I have lighting quick reflexes.”
Tony threw a a buttered bagel at Peter from the kitchen table and it stuck to his chest. Peter looked down at the bagel before looking at Tony in shock.
“Why would you do that?” Peter asked.
“The question you should be asking is didn’t your tingle tell you I was gonna do that? Maybe your reflexes aren’t as quick as you thought.” Tony shrugged and went back to his breakfast. Peter peeled the bagel off and tossed it in the trash before looking at Sam.
“Do you really think she’s pregnant?” He whispered.
“I don’t know. Do you?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know. Do you?” Peter asked back.
“Why don’t you just ask her?” Sam suggested.
“Yeah. That’s a really good idea. Let me ask my girlfriend if she’s pregnant. That definitely won’t effect her self esteem in any way or make her mad at me at all.”
“You’re right.” Sam agreed. “You have to sleuth.”
“Or I could just wait until she feels ready to share the news.” Peter pointed out.
“No.” Sam shook his head. “You gotta go sleuth.”
And so, Peter left the kitchen to sleuth. He went to your room and pushed your door open to find you.
“Hey, honey bee.” Peter greeted you as he walked into your room. You were standing in front of your floor length mirror with your shirt pulled up a little.
“Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You asked as you examined your reflection.
“Uh….” Peter looked behind him for help getting out of this question. He ended up turning in a full circle twice and got dizzy.
“Peter?” You asked and rolled your shirt down.
“Ummmmm.” He stalled and pretended to take sudden interest in the things on your dresser. He knew girls had a record of asking things and wanting certain answers and he was almost positive that this was one of those questions. Your question had also watered the seed that Sam had just planted in Peters head about you possibly being pregnant. Peter knew he needed to avoid answering this question before you got suspicious that he might know something.
“Did you say something?” He asked you.
“I asked you a question.” You laughed at his obvious attempt at avoiding the question.
“You did? I must’ve miss that.” He played dumb.
“Just be honest with me. Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You repeated.
“I don’t understand the question, sorry.”
“It’s a simple yes or no question.”
“I’m confused. Are you asking me?” Peter forced a confused laugh and pointed to himself.
“Yes, you. You’re the only one in here. Do you think I’ve gained weight? Be honest.” You asked and looked back at your mirror again to see your side profile.
“In what regard?”
“Oh my God.” You laughed. “Just answer the question. I’m not gonna be mad. It’s not the end of the world to gain weight. I just want to know if you’ve noticed it.”
“I’ve never noticed anything. Ever.” Peter replied.
“Right. Thank you.” You chuckled and walked over to him to wrap your arms around his neck. He kissed you hello and momentarily forgot about what Sam had suggested.
“Why do you ask?” He asked you.
“I don’t know. I was just getting dressed and I realized I used to put this belt on this hole but today I put it on the hole after that.” You shrugged and showed him your belt.
“Maybe it shrunk.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I grew.” You shrugged.
“You look beautiful either way.” Peter said sincerely. “Whether you got bigger or not. You’re still the only girl I want to holla at.”
“I think so too. Thanks.” You smiled warmly at him and rested your head on his shoulder to hug him. Peter wrapped you in his arms and sighed happily and you gently rocked back and forth.
“You’re welcome.” He answered. For a second, he wasn’t panicking about the possibility of a baby. Instead, he felt excited to start a family with the person he loved most.
Later in the afternoon, you and Peter strolled into the kitchen to get some snacks. Tony and Sam were making lunch while Carol restocked the snack cabinet.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Here’s your cough syrup.” Carol said and gave the cough medicine to Tony.
“Thanks. My throat is killing me.” Tony sighed and cracked open the bottle.
“Here. We have measuring cups in the-“ You started to say as Tony took a long swig of the syrup.
“Or chug it. Okay.” You nodded while Peter stifled a laugh.
“Ugh. They can’t figure out how to make this taste any better?” Tony grimaced and wiped his mouth.
“I’ll make you some tea to wash it down.” You offered and filled the kettle with water.
“Thanks, kid.” Tony smiled. “I love when my annual man flu lines up with when you’re home from school. You’re so good at taking care of people.”
“Thanks for saying that. I don’t know what it is but I really like taking care of people when they’re sick. It makes me feel like a mom.” You said as you poured the hot water over a tea bag. Peter started choking on the water he was drinking while Sam gulped.
“You’re gonna be such a good mom.” Carol told you. “You’re so giving.”
“Aw, thank you. I hope so.” You smiled and patted your stomach twice. Peter and Sam exchanged a look with equal panic on their faces. Sam grabbed Peters arms and pulled him aside.
“Did she just pat her stomach?” Sam whispered.
“No way. This can’t be happening. You can’t be right. You’re never right!” Peter whispered back as he started to panic.
“Maybe this time, I was!” Sam whispered harshly.
“She can’t be pregnant. There’s no way. She would’ve told me.”
“She is telling you.” Sam insisted. “She’s dropping hints like crazy.”
“Oh my God. Why’d you have to put this idea in my head? I’m freaking out, man.”
“So am I. You think I want a spider baby crawling up the walls and shit like it’s the exorcist?”
“Technically the exorcist is the guy who gets rid of the demon. He doesn’t crawl up the walls. The possessed person does that. Well, I guess depending on the demon.”
“Jesus Christ. This kid is about to be so god damn annoying.” Sam sighed.
“You know what? No. She’s not pregnant.” Peter decided and walked away.
“Are you sure about that?” Sam called after him as he went back into the kitchen. When Peter got there, you were mixing honey into Tony’s tea while helping him with something on his phone. Peter watched you patiently teaching Tony and smiled to himself. He once again felt that maybe it would be okay if Sam was right. If you were pregnant, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It was unexpected and jarring, but not impossible for Peter to handle as long as he had you.
The pregnancy rumor that existed between only Peter and Sam died down for the next few days. It wasn’t until a rainy Sunday that Peter thought about it again. You were watching a movie in the living room with some of the team when Natasha came in.
“Carol and I were gonna go train. You wanna join?” Natasha asked you.
“I would but my lower back is killing me. I think I slept weird.” You said and cracked your neck. Peter felt his face heat up when you said this, and Sam caught it too.
“Did you hear that? Her back hurts. Because of the baby!” Sam whispered to Peter.
“That’s not why. Didn’t you hear her? She said she slept weird.” Peter whispered back.
“Duh, she slept weird because of the baby!” Sam whispered again. Peter waved him off but couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.
“I could crack it for you.” Natasha offered.
“Could you? Thank.” You got off the couch and went over to Natasha. She wrapped her strong arms around you and was about to squeeze when Peter jumped off the couch.
“Not so fast.” He said and pulled you away from Natasha.
“What’s the matter?” You wondered. Peter was dumbstruck for a second when he realized he couldn’t say he didn’t want Natasha to crack your back incase her giant muscles squished the little baby in your tummy.
“I just don’t think it’s safe to be cracking her back if you don’t know what you’re doing. You could hurt someone.” Peter tried to explain but didn’t sound convincing.
“I’m not gonna hurt her. I’ve cracked her back plenty of times.” Natasha insisted and pulled you back towards her.
“Okay. Just be careful. Baby on board.” He mumbled the last part quickly.
“What was that?” You asked him.
“Nothing. What did you say?” Peter asked you to throw you off.
“I didn’t say anything. Weirdo.” You laughed at his odd behavior and let Natasha crack your back. Peter held his breath until you were safely out of her arms.
“Oh thank God.” He sighed. “We survived that. Cool.”
“Did you not think we would?” You laughed in confusion.
“I don’t know how to answer that question.” Peter answered honestly.
“You are being so odd lately. More than usual, you know that?” You chuckled as you pulled him back towards the couch.
“That’s just my boyish charm.” Peter laughed weakly and settled back onto the couch. He pulled you into his side and told himself that your back could be hurting for any number of reasons and didn’t necessarily mean you were pregnant. You watched the movie for a little bit until Peter felt you shift and wince a little.
“Are you okay?” He asked you.
“Yeah. My boobs are just sore.” You said and adjusted your bra uncomfortably.
“Why? Did you sprain them?”
“Um, no.” You chuckled. “I don’t even think you can sprain them. I must be PMSing.”
“Oh, thank God.” Peter said too enthusiastically. “Your period came?”
“No. Why do you seem so excited about it?” You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at him. Peter gulped and avoided eye contact with you.
“Excited? I’m not excited. Your men’s trail cycle doesn’t evoke any emotions within me. But if you don’t mind me asking, how are you PMSing without the P?”
“I’m pretty sure the P stands for “pre”. But you still get the symptoms sometimes even if you’re not on your period.”
“Interesting, interesting. Follow up question, are you usually this off kilter?”
“You mean irregular?” You laughed. “No. I haven’t been late in years.”
“Hm. Weird.” Peter forced a laugh and tried to focus on the movie while his mind raced.
“You’re telling me. My boobs hurt like a bitch.” You whined and pulled the blanket up to your chin.
“Ahem, I could help with that, m’lady.” Peter smirked and held up both his hands. You looked at him for a long time with a disgusted expression before turning back to the movie.
“I want pretzels.” You said.
“Coming right up.” Peter jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen. Sam saw him leave and got up to go after him.
“How’s it going?” He asked Peter once they were alone in the kitchen.
“I don’t know.” Peter sighed. “She hasn’t told me anything yet.”
“Is she showing any other signs?”
“She said she thinks she gained weight but I can’t really tell. I don’t think about that stuff. I just see her and I’m like “oh my god it’s a girl”. Have you noticed anything else?”
“I mean, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but I saw her rip the wrong banana from the bunch and broke down crying.” Sam admitted.
“Oh no. Is craving bananas a symptom of pregnancy?”
“No, idiot. Mood swings are. For your future child’s sake, I really hope she isn’t actually pregnant. No one deserves this dumb of a father.”
“I know.” Peter whined. “What do I do? I’m freaking out.”
“I’m sure she’ll tell you soon. And if she doesn’t, you’ll find out anyway. It’s kinda hard to hide a pregnancy after a few months. Just relax, man.”
“Okay. You’re right.” Peter agreed. “I’m not gonna freak out until I know there’s something to worry about. Now excuse me while I pee out this apple juice.”
Peter walked away from Sam and went into the bathroom. After peeing, he blew his nose and went to throw it out when he saw something strange in the trash. He frowned and pulled it out before feeling all the color drain from his face.
“Oh no.” He said gravely. In his hand was a pregnancy test with two red lines.
“Positive? What? Are you sure?” Peter whispered harshly and shook the test. The lines stayed the same and Peter felt his stomach drop. All those moments of thinking everything would be okay seemed so far away now. Now that it was real and not just an idea, Peter felt overwhelmed. You were really pregnant and he really didn’t know what to do. He felt his heart start to race and he fell against the door with the test in his hand. You heard Peter thud against the door and went to go investigate.
“Peter? Are you okay in there?” You asked as you knocked against the door.
“Go away! I’m pooping!” Peter screamed as he ran the test under hot water to try to change the answer.
“Why is that always your response?” You sighed and walked away. Peter waited until you were gone before sneaking out of the bathroom. He went to go find Sam and yanked him into another room.
“Dude. It’s true. She’s pregnant.” Peter said and handed Sam the test.
“Oh shit. Are you sure?” Sam asked and shook the test.
“I already tried that. It’s true. She’s pregnant.” Peters mouth went dry as he said it out loud. It felt even more real now and he didn’t know how to handle it.
“Dude. This is serious. Aren’t you guys in like middle school?”
“We’re both in college. But still. I’m not ready to be a dad. I can’t even take care of myself. Look at this rash.” Peter whined and lifted his shirt to show Sam the red ring around his armpit.
“Oh my God. What the hell is that?” Sam grimaced and raised his hands to protect himself from Peters rash.
“A rash. Like I said.” Peter said flatly. “I think I’m allergic to my deodorant.”
“So use a different one.”
“But I like how this one smells. It’s called Flannel, see?” Peter said and got closer to Sam with his arm raised.
“Get your armpitt out of my face before I make it where you can’t have anymore kids.” Sam warned and Peter put his shirt down.
“What am I supposed to do?” He whined. “Mr. Stark is gonna kill me. And then May is gonna kill me. And then Y/n’s parents. I’m gonna die three times. Three times!”
“Yeah. No, I agree. You’re definitely fucked.” Sam agreed.
“What? That’s not helping!”
“I’m sorry dude, but how am I supposed to help you in this situation?”
“I don’t know. Tell me it’s all gonna be okay?”
“Is it? You’re not out of college yet and neither is she. Neither of you have jobs that can support a child. And it’s not like you live together either. Where would the baby even stay? Your crappy apartment? Or here at this tower full of nuclear weapons and glass windows that aren’t baby proof?”
“I didn’t even think of those things.” Peter realized and started to panic all over again.
“Clearly you don’t think at all. How did this even happen?”
“From sex.” Peter whispered and covered his mouth.
“I know that.” Sam rolled his eyes. “But don’t you guys use protection?”
“Of course. Always. Wrap it before you tap it. On god.”
“Well is she on the pill?”
“What pill?”
“You know. The pill.”
“Tylenol?” Peter asked.
“Oh my God. This poor baby.” Sam groaned and rubbed his eyes.
“What am I gonna do Sam? I’m not ready to be a father. I only had one until I was 9. What if the kid turns ten? I don’t have any examples of being a father past age 9. What am I gonna do?” Peter whined and shook Sam by the shoulders.
“She could get an abortion?” Sam suggested.
“Maybe but that’s not up to me. If she wants to keep this baby, we’re keeping the baby.”
“Maybe it won’t be so bad. Have you ever babysat?”
“Just Ned’s tomagotchi. And it died. Like, immediately.”
“Well lucky for you, Y/n is gonna make a great mom. You’ve seen how caring she is. She takes care of all of us when we get sick. And she gets weirdly excited to do it too. If you so much as sneeze around her she runs to get you a thermometer and a blanket. And she knows all the passwords for streaming services.”
“You’re right. She’s got this. I can learn from her.” Peter said and started to calm down.
“Are you gonna tell her you know?”
“No. She deserves to tell me in her own way on her own time.” Peter decided.
“I think that’s smart. In the meantime, you should probably hit the books. There seems to be a lot you don’t know.”
“You’re right.” Peter realized. “I need to know what to expect when I’m expecting.”
“Can I be honest?” Sam asked.
“Sure.”
“I kinda thought that between the two of you, you’d be the one to carry the baby. Not her.” Sam told him.
“No, I get that.” Peter nodded in agreement.
That night, Peter opened his laptop and started to research everything he could on pregnancy.
“I’m gonna the father the shit out of this kid.” He whispered to himself before diving into his research. By the time the sun came up, his eyes were red and glazed over. His hands were cramping from all the typing and his back was stiff beyond repair. He had spent the night reading every article he could find and took extensive notes. He shut his laptop when he heard birds outside and padded out of his room. When he walked into the kitchen, he saw you about to take a bite of a bagel with lox.
“No!” Peter screamed and shot a web at your bagel. He yanked it away from you and threw it at the cabinet, where it stuck. Everyone turned to look at Peter and he felt his face heat up.
“What the hell was that?” You laughed in surprise.
“You can’t be eating that in your condition.” Peter blurted.
“What condition is that?” You asked and Peter realized he had said too much.
“Um, dating a boy who thinks fish is gross?” He smiled weakly.
“It’s just lox. Try it. I think you’ll like it.” You said and started to make another bagel. He realized that if he ate the rest of the lox, you couldn’t eat any. He had read in his research that uncooked fish was not safe for pregnant women to eat but it seemed like you didn’t know that yet. Keeping it away from you without telling you what he knew was his best bet.
“Okay. Yeah.” Peter reluctantly agreed and sat next to you at the table. You handed him your bagel with the fish on top and he gagged a little. Peter the opened his mouth and shoved the entire bagel inside. He chewed it slowly and gagged every so often.
“You ate the whole thing.” You said in disbelief over what you had just witnessed.
“Uh huh.” Peter said with a full mouth.
“Did you like it?” You laughed and wiped some cream cheese off his mouth.
“Yeah. Yummy.” Peter said weakly. He turned his head a little and gagged loud enough for you to hear.
“Peter, if you don’t like it, don’t eat it.”
“I love it.” He lied and kept chewing. He slowly swallowed the massive bite and made a face as it went down.
“Do you want to throw up?” You asked him.
“Yes please.” He nodded. You brought Peter to the bathroom and held his messy hair back as he threw up into the toilet. Once it was all out, he rested against the wall. He caught sight of the garbage can, the very one ye had found your pregnancy test in.
“Soon, this will be me helping you throw up.” He said.
“What?”
“What?” Peter said quickly when he realized what he had said.
“Are you feeling okay?” You laughed and checked his forehead.
“Are you?” He genuinely asked, wanting to know if you were experiencing morning sickness yet.
“Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” Peter lied. You found his behavior strange but decided not to question it further. You knew Peter well enough to know that this was just how he behaved sometimes. You brought him back to the kitchen and made him some tea for his tummy as Peter watch d carefully from his seat. He felt himself relax for the first time since finding the test. Now that he had some some research and remembered how good you were at taking care of people, he felt more confident in your combined skills as parents.
That feeling was confidence was shaken later that day when Peter went into your room to find you. He pushed open your bathroom door and found you sectioning your hair into parts with the faucet running. Beside the sink was your hair straightener. Peter gasped dramatically and yanked the plug out of the wall before shutting off the water.
“Are you crazy? What the are you doing?” He asked as he took the straighter out of your hands.
“Doing my hair? Is that okay?” You laughed in confusion and reached for the straitened.
“You can’t be using this when the waters running. What if you drop it into the sink and get electrocuted?” Peter said as he held the straightener up.
“I’m not sure it works like that. I think it the sink would have to be full of water.”
“Oh. Well I don’t know how hair straighteners work, okay? I’m not God.”
“Peter, you’re being ridiculous. More than usual. Let me straighten my hair. I have to go out tonight.” You whined and took the straitener from him.
“Go out where?”
“It’s Kate’s birthday. We’re gonna go to karaoke and then go to a bar.” You explained as your ran a section of hair through your straightener.
“A bar?!” Peter nearly screamed.
“Yes, oh my God.” You laughed at his outburst. “What’s with you today?”
“What’s with me? What’s with you? You know you’re not supposed to drink when you’re…” Peter trailed off and you looked at him in confusion.
“When I’m what?”
“When you’re on medication.” He said quickly. “Obviously that’s what I was going to say. I saw you take Tylenol before. You’re not supposed to mix alcohol and medicine.”
“That was just for my back pain. I think I’ll be okay.”
“Please don’t go out tonight.” Peter whined and wrapped his arms around you. You stopped doing your hair and turned around in his arms to face him.
“Why not?” You wondered.
“Because…” Peter trailed off as he desperately tried to think of something. He only knew one thing that would be sure to get you to stay.
“Because I’m not feeling so good.” He lied and faked a cough.
“Oh no. You’re sick?” You gasped and felt his forehead.
“Yeah. So sick. Tony must’ve given me whatever he has. I feel horrible.” Peter whined and clutched his stomach.
“But Tony’s throat was bothering him. Does your stomach too?” You asked when you saw what Peter was doing. Peter realized he was faking the wrong illness and nodded.
“Oh yeah. My throat and my stomach hurts. And I think I’m getting a fever too. And my toe fell off.” He laid it on thick to get you to stay.
“Aw. Poor baby.” You pouted and pulled him into your arms.
“Baby?” Peter whispered in fear.
“I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll tell Kate I can’t make it.” You smiled sweetly as you cupped his face. Peter felt bad for lying to you but he couldn’t let you go out drinking if you were pregnant.
“Thanks, honey bee. You’re the best.” He smiled back. You took his hand and brought him to his room to tuck him into bed. Peter felt guilty all over again when you went to go make him some soup. He was feeling perfectly fine so your efforts were for nothing. You came back and fed him the soup, making him feel even worse about lying.
“I feel like Peeta in the cave.” Peter joked as you held the spook to his lips.
“Ugh, dirty Peeta in the cave is so hot. I would’ve won the games with the things I’d do to that man on camera. I’ll tell you that.”
“Wait, what?” Peter sat up and looked at you.
“How about some tea?” You smiled sweetly as you changed the subject.
“Can we circle back to what you just said about-“
“I’ll go make some.” You cut him off as you left his room. You came back soon with a hot mug of tea for Peter. He was already sweating under the blankets you tucked him into and the hot soup, so tea was the last thing he wanted. But he felt that that’s what he deserved for lying to you.
“Oh, no. You’re so sweaty. You must be getting a fever.” You frowned once Peter had finished his tea.
“Oh no. Must be.” Peter laughed weakly and discreetly fanned his face.
“I know what will make you feel better.” You said and climbed into Peters lap. You started to kiss his neck and he went into high alert mode.
“What are you doing?” He asked and gently moved you back.
“Kissing you?”
“With a suggestive undertone.” He replied, sounding accusatory.
“Is that a problem?” You laughed and bent down to kiss his neck again. He pulled you off and looked at you in disbelief.
“You want to have sex? The very thing that caused this?”
“Huh? Caused what?” You asked.
“The pregnancy.” He said like it was obvious. Peter slapped his hand over his mouth as you tilted your head in confusion.
“Wait, what? What pregnancy?”
“Your pregnancy.”
“My pregnancy?” You asked as you sat back on your knees. Peter sat up as well and pushed the blankets off himself.
“I’m sorry. But I know.” Peter admitted with a sigh.
“Know what?” You laughed in confusion.
“You don’t have to pretend anymore, honey bee. I already know about the pregnancy.” Peter said as he took your hands.
“Wait, I’m confused. Who’s pregnant?” You asked him.
“You are.” He said simply.
“I’m pregnant?” You asked and pointed to yourself.
“Yes. You’re pregnant.”
“Me?” You asked and looked behind you for who else he might be talking to.
“Yes, you.” He urged and shook your hands.
“Hold on. Who told you I was pregnant?” You laughed at how serious he was.
“You did.” Peter said like it was obvious.
“Me?” You questioned and pointed to yourself again.
“You’re the only one in the room right now.”
“Peter, I never said I was pregnant. I think I would remember saying something like that.”
“That’s because you didn’t say it with words. You’ve just been dropping hints like crazy. The sore back, the eating of salt and vinegar chips-“
“Those are-“
“No they’re not.” He cut you off before you could defend them.
You stared at Peter as you tried to gage if he was being serious or not. He stared back at you as he tried to figure out if you were upset or relieved that he knew.
“Also I found this positive pregnancy test in the trash.” He said as he pulled the test out of his pocket. You took the test from him and looked at it for a long time. Peters heart raced as he waited for your reaction. Finally, you flipped the test over and showed him what it said on the back.
“This is a strep throat test.” You said calmly.
“What?!” Peter shrieked and took the test back. Sure enough, the back said “rapid strep throat test” in raised letters.
“Tony has strep throat. You knew this.”
“This looks exactly like a pregnancy test.” Peter defended as he showed you the test again.
“Peter, this looks nothing like a pregnancy test. Do you know what a pregnancy test looks like?”
“Apparently not.” Peter scoffed. You stared at him for a minute before cracking up laughing.
“You really thought I was pregnant? That’s why you didn’t let me eat fish or straighten my hair? And tried to stop Natasha from cracking my back? Which I still don’t see the correlation, by the way.”
“I didn’t want you or the baby to be in harms way. What if the straighter shocked you and the baby came out like the Flash? What if it just ran right out of your womb? Or what if Natasha squeezed you so hard and the baby popped out like a rocket?”
“You know shocking little about pregnancy.”
“I know. But as nervous as I was, I was also kinda excited.” Peter admitted. “I know you’re the person I’m gonna be with forever. It would be nice to have a little one that was a combination of the both of us.”
“And one day, we will have one.” You assured him. “And hopefully, they’ll inherit my intelligence over yours.”
“I hope so too.” Peter chuckled. You leaned down to kiss him and he felt himself fully relax for the first time in days.
“I hope you know that if we do have a kid one day, you’re carrying it. I’m not getting fat.” You told him once you pulled away.
“I don’t know if that’s medically possibly yet. Not for cis men, anyway.“
“We’ll find a way.” You shrugged. “We can ask Bruce. You can be like a seahorse! Or Cosmo from the Fairly Oddparents.”
“I’d do it for you, honey.”
“I know you would. That’s why I know you’re my forver person too.” You smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. Peter pulled you into his lap and slipped his hand behind your head to deepen the kiss.
“So, now that we know you’re not pregnant…” Peter trailed off and played with the buttons on your shirt. You caught on to what he was suggesting and laughed as you pushed his face away.
“Not a chance.”
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thefreakandthehair · 5 months
Text
I just wanna see that smile
wc: 1.1k | tags: canon-compliant injury/recovery, hospital setting, getting together, (brief and inferred mutual) pining, first kiss
a/n: happy (belated) birthday to my pal, @firefly-party! kei drew this piece last year and it was one of the first artworks we talked about when we became friends. this series has continued to live in my brain ever since, so I decided to write a little something in the universe!
Eddie woke up on March 26th, 1986 and Steve’s waited patiently for this moment ever since. 
Well, patient is a misnomer— he’d waited quietly to anyone not named Robin or Dustin. Robin, because she knows him too well and there’s no point in trying to hide anything from her and Dustin, because he’d apparently grown up overnight and pieced together that Steve sitting at Eddie’s bedside and holding his fucking hand every time he waltzed into the room meant something. 
Or maybe it was when Steve gave Eddie all of his rings back, sliding them carefully onto his shaking fingers with a comforting smile. 
Or maybe when Eddie sat up unassisted for the first time and Steve nearly hit the ceiling, bracing him in a panic as if all of his stitches and staples would burst with the tiny movement he’d been working toward in physical therapy. 
Hell, maybe it was Steve taking over some of Eddie’s care for himself, washing his hair and braiding it because the staff at Hawkins Memorial are doing nothing more than the bare minimum to make sure they don’t get sued, or even more frightening, reamed out by the new duo of Hopper and Wayne again. Either way, his hair was making Steve’s own scalp itchy. 
Dustin never tells Steve what it was exactly that tipped him off but whatever it was, it’s enough for Dustin to give Steve the floor when Eddie’s getting ready to discharge back home. And that’s how, exactly two months later to the day from Eddie waking up, Steve enters Eddie’s otherwise empty room armed with a special treat in the form of milkshakes to find Eddie pouring over an unfortunately familiar stack of papers. 
“NDA?” Steve asks, nodding at the papers in Eddie’s lap. He’s upright, fully dressed in the black sweatpants Jeff brought by and a cut off Metallica tee shirt, bandages around his stomach and neck. 
Eddie mutters as he reads under his breath, eyes flitting across the page. 
“How the fuck do they expect any of us common folk to understand a fucking word of this? Hereby? Wherein? Hitherto? What fucking year did I wake up in, man?”
“Yeah, I think the whole point is that you don’t read what you’re signing but I’ll let you in on a little secret.” Steve huffs a small laugh through his nose as he steps carefully around Eddie’s crutches. “You may as well just sign it because if you don’t, they’ll forge it anyway. Now finish signing your life rights away so you can have this milkshake with me.” 
Eddie perks up, looking away from the mess of papers and smiling up at Steve with a smile so genuine, it punches the air out of his lungs. He keeps looking at him like this, like Steve’s a breath of fresh air, like he's someone Eddie wants to have around. 
Steve isn’t sure what to do with that look yet, but he’s sure glad it’s there. 
“Celebration milkshakes? Is this a freedom gift?” Eddie signs the NDA quickly and sets the pen down on the bed next to him. 
“It sure is. Figured this could make up for all those lame popsicles from the cafeteria.” 
The mattress creaks as Steve sits down on the edge, just to the side of the railing, and hands Eddie the strawberry treat. Their fingers graze, Steve’s chilled and Eddie’s warm. His hand is still a little shaky, trembling as he takes hold of the cup, but they’re warm and warm means alive. 
Eddie’s hand can tremble for the rest of his goddamn life so long as it’s always warm. 
They each take a sip, smooth ice cream slurping up their straws, and after a moment, Eddie sighs.
“Is it weird that I’m actually sort of worried about leaving?” 
Steve’s eyebrows knit together, looking down at Eddie’s rings glinting beneath the offensive fluorescent lights above them.
“What are you worried about?”
“Uh, well, I did almost die. And the town still wishes I did. It’s a lot easier to make those dreams a reality outside of these walls, y’know? And I’m uh…” Steve watches as Eddie takes a breath and Steve suddenly misses the early days when Eddie was connected to the heart rate monitor. 
“You’re…?” Steve presses, sipping his milkshake again to appear casual. 
“I see you all the time here. Guess I just don’t want that to change.” 
Steve’s heart skips a beat, clattering in his chest and pounding at his ribs, desperately trying to crack him right open and run to the man who’s claimed it. Eddie watches him with cautious eyes, opens his mouth to say something else but Steve cuts him off before he can take it back. 
“Why do you think that’d change? Forest Hills is a lot closer than this shithole, and you won’t be kept under lock and key. And as for the first thing, well, Wayne and Nancy have a lot in common and I have a bat loaded up with nails in the trunk of my car.” Steve rests his free hand on Eddie’s knee. “No one's gonna fuck with you. Don’t worry about that.” 
“You sound a little cocky there, Stevie.” Eddie lifts one eyebrow, glancing from Steve’s hand up to his eyes. “Ready to fight for my honor or something?”
“Yep.” 
He hadn’t brought the milkshakes intending to use them as props, but he’s glad he has something to do to fill the space as Eddie watches him with questioning eyes. As he slurps through the straw, grating noise still preferable over the awkward silence, Eddie’s pinched expression turns softer, realization dawning between the stark white walls of the hospital and the pink ice cream in both of their hands. 
“You’re serious.” Eddie says. 
“Took you that long to figure that out?” Steve teases. 
“I’ve been a little busy with learning how to breathe and walk again. Y’know, just little things.” Eddie rolls his eyes with that same fond smile, free hand lacing its fingers through Steve’s. “So what you’re saying is that I’ll see you just as much outside of this prison as I have inside of it?” 
Steve shrugs. “Probably even more, honestly. There are no visiting hours at Wayne’s, and it’s not like I have a job to rush off to these days. You’re stuck with me, Ed. At least for as long as you want me around.” 
Eddie snorts, unceremoniously scoffing in Steve’s face as if in disbelief.
“Don’t make promises like that. What happens when I never want you to leave?” 
The air shifts, growing heavier as they find themselves leaning closer, two satellites orbiting one another by nothing but gravitational pull. 
Steve’s not sure who actually closes the gap, but he finds himself with his lips pressed against Eddie’s— sweet, chilled, a little chapped but smiling against his. Months of waiting, of hoping that he’d get this opportunity, come to a deafening crescendo and it takes all of his discipline to not push. Instead, they pull apart and Steve smiles, tucking loose hair behind Eddie’s ear. 
“That’s easy. I’d just never leave.”
fun fact: kei, I wrote your birthday down in my calendar as the 28th for some reason, a solid ten days late, so know that this was planned from the get-go but was just a tad bit late.
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elodieunderglass · 6 months
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Hi! I was wondering if you could help me out with a word I've forgotten? I'm trying to remember the name for a concept that (I think) talks about how people better understand or process Things once they have vocabulary to describe it - I've heard it talked about in regards to the colour orange, or coercive control, etc.
long story short i've just read a paper saying ancient Greeks and Romans weren't racist bc they had no word for racism and am trying to form an argument against!
(no worries if this is unanswerable, i'm aware its a bit of a long shot but you struck me as a person who Knows Things)
That’s extremely kind and funny of you. i don’t know much but i am ok at synthesis.
I think you might be thinking of the concepts loosely called the “Sapir-Whorf hypothesis”, which describes something called “linguistic determinism.” This idea has been “disproven”, as it is just too reductionist as a concept - people are clearly perfectly capable of having experiences that are tough to describe with words. There will be plenty of papers showing how this reasoning is applied.
but it is still commonly thrown around and still considered a useful teaching framework. That’s why you’ll see it referenced online as if it is fresh, new, and applicable - people learn about it every year in college. Also, elements of the framework are probably perfectly sound. It definitely seems to be the case that language shapes brains; it just doesn’t seem to be the case that humans who don’t have specific words for them can’t experience orange, or the future.
(Many things in college are taught using teaching frameworks that may not be, technically, true; the framework is intended to give a critical structure for interpreting information. Then, when we later find evidence that disproves the hypothesis, that single piece of information doesn’t destroy our expensive college education; what we paid for is the framework. This is mostly frustrating in the sciences, when fresh crops of undergraduate students crash around on social media, grappling with their first exposure to (complex concept) and how it’s DIFFERENT to what they learned BEFORE and their teachers LIED TO EVERYBODY and they’re going to save the world from POP SCIENCE by telling the TRUTH. You’ll notice that these TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION reveals map along the semester schedule. The thing here is that getting new information, or information being different from what you were previously told, does not cancel out the fact that you are getting what you pay for - an education. Learning new facts that change our relationships to hypotheses isn’t a ✨huge betrayal ✨ , but the expected process of academia. Anyway.)
You have an interesting response here, and can start by looking at the ways that Sapir-Whorf has been disproved. There will be loads of literature on that.
However, it would be interesting to look at the argument as an unpicking of the other side’s rather weird, ritualistic superstitious belief that a behavior doesn’t exist if the creatures doing it can’t describe it. It is not on the ancient Greeks and Romans to categorise and interpret their behavior for a modern educated audience. They do not have the wherewithal to do so. They are also fucking dead. We can name the behaviors we see, and describe their impacts, however the hell we like.
Sure, the ancient Greeks used “cancer” to refer to lumpy veiny tumors. We can infer that they still had blood cancer, because their medical texts describe leukaemia and their corpses have evidence of it - they just didn’t know it was cancer. But we do, so we can call it cancer. Just because Homer said “the wine-dark sea” in a flight of girlish whimsy doesn’t mean he was unable to distinguish grape juice from saltwater, which we know, because we can observe that he was an intelligent wordsmith perfectly capable of talking about wine and oceans in other contexts. We are the people who get to stand at our point of history with our words, and name things like “this person probably died of leukaemia” and “poets say things that aren’t necessarily literal” and “this behaviour was racist” and “that’s gay” and “togas kinda slay tho” despite Ancient Greeks having different concepts of cancer, wittiness, prejudice, homosexuality, and slaying than we do today.
Now just to caveat that people do get muddled about the concept of racism. Our understanding of racism from here - this point of history, with these words, probably from the West - is heavily influenced by how we see racism around us today: white supremacy and the construct of “whiteness,” European colonial expansion, transatlantic chattel slavery, orientalism, evangelism, 20th century racial science, and so on. This is the picture of racism that really dominates our current discourse, so people often mistake it for the definition of racism. (Perhaps in a linguistic-deterministic sort of way after all.) As a result, muddled-up people often say things like “I can’t be racist because I’m not a white American who throws slurs at black American people,” while being an Indian person in the UK who votes for vile anti-immigration practices, or a Polish person with a horrible attitude about the Roma. Many people genuinely hold this very kindergarten idea of racism; if your opponent does as well, they’re probably thinking something like “Ancient Greek and Roman people didn’t have a concept of white supremacy, because whiteness hadn’t been invented yet, so how could they be racist?” And that’s unsound reasoning in a separate sense.
Racism as the practice of prejudice against an ethnicity, particularly one that is a minority, is a power differential that is perfectly observable in ancient cultures. The beliefs and behaviors will be preserved in written plays, recorded slurs, beauty standards, reactions to foreign marriages, and travel writing. The impacts will be documented in political records, trade agreements, the layouts of historical districts of ancient towns.
You don’t need permission to point out behaviours and impacts. You can point them out in any words you like. You can make up entirely new words to bully the ancient romans with. You are the one at this point of history and your words are the ones that get used.
Pretending that “words” are some kind of an intellect-obscuring magical cloud in the face of actual evidence is just a piece of sophistry (derogatory) on the part of your opponent here. It’s meant to be a distraction. You can dismiss this very flimsy shield pretty quickly and get them in the soft meat of them never reading anything about the actual material topic, while they’re still looking up dictionary definitions or whatever.
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mushroomates · 1 year
Text
legolas headcanons:
is, by all accounts, the worlds most awkward elf
most of the fellowship doesn’t even realize how weird he is
thranduil did not socialize his boy well. legolas is not aloof he just has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing.
will walk very slowly with exaggerated movements around hobbits because he thinks they won’t see him otherwise.
the hobbits thinks this is elf custom. frodo theorizes this is because elves want to rest their eyes and ears when they’re at home, so other elves like to announce themselves so no one gets spooked.
this is aided by the fact that legolas loudly announces his presence whenever he enters the room, just incase you missed it.
this conclusion is false. legolas will approach other elves by charging at them, full speed. alternatively, shooting an arrow in their vicinity for a vibe check.
he also likes shooting at people to wake them up and/or scare them
legolas likes that it’s a gentle reminder to his companions that he could kill them at any time and they should be honored that he doesn’t.
aragorn has options about this. legolas tells him that he should be grateful that such a skilled elf is on his side and cares for him. aragorn maintains that if legolas really cared, the elf would stop waking him up with ‘good morning’ shots. he also would like to note that legolas’s loud singing is only slightly better than an arrow flying at you first thing in the morning:.
legolas tries to make friends by staring at them from afar and when they look at him he looks away. like a cat. he will also blink at u as if to say “look! i like you! i’m closing my eyes!!!” again, like a cat.
will bring you small gifts to curry favor, also like a cat. interesting rocks and pretty feathers, samples of dirt, fallen leaves in different shapes and colors, and whatever flowers are near by and catch his eye. gets very upset if you don’t marvel at them for the appropriate amount of time.
will eat bites off of your plate. this is a form of endearment. he’s showing he trusts you and likes you. he’s also showing his inability to cook and hopes you’ll take pity on him by sharing your food.
sometimes will intentionally walk loudly around the camp if he’s bored, angry, or lonely so he can wake aragorn up and they can be awake together :)
likes to sing, loudly, at inappropriate times
no one in the fellowship has seen him piss. some of the hobbits are under the impression that elves don’t pee. aragorn and gandalf do not correct them.
up at the asscrack of dawn. this is annoying, because he’s chipper, looks amazing, and is a tad judgmental that you aren’t as well.
captain obvious as well as worlds most unhelpful elf ever. will point out your mistake, claim to know how to fix it and half the time not offer the solution or his assistance.
cannot do laundry. he doesn’t even get dirty enough to consider it, and with how little people in middle earth wash their clothes anyway, none of his clothes have been cleaned for easily centuries.
is very confused by dogs. doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to do with them. they’re always so happy and want (physical???) attention and,, it’s not a one and done thing either. you’re supposed to keep petting them? after you already pet them.
they’re like wolves, but smaller and maybe stupider. they also stink. boromir has explained to him many times that dogs are man’s best friend and are beautiful creatures. this worries legolas, because that means either dogs are more evolved than they let on,, or men are significantly further behind than elves than he first thought..
can not play the harp. is upset by this fact.
never really bothered to learn how to harp, either.
he believes he should be able to play the harp regardless because the harp is just a big bow with many strings. this is, in fact, false.
will eat anything. mushrooms and questionable berries mean nothing to him.
this upsets aragorn as he believes legolas is setting a bad example for the hobbits, dispite hobbits having the most durable digestive systems. (note: elves can eat almost anything, but hobbits have the stomach of a labrador retriever. they are always hungry, can can eat anything, even what they’re not supposed to)
DID set a bad example for boromir, who mistakingly ate some of the berries legolas offered him and had the shits for weeks.
is like 90% sure who frodo is. it’s definitely one of the hobbits. it’s probably not the one with the pony.
is faceblind. he can’t recognize other people’s faces for the life of him. if you asked him to pick out aragorn in a sea of humans, he’d panic dispite knowing the man for 50+ years.
this also goes for all races, including dwarves. gimli thought he might just be racist and covering his ass, but then watched him stall for like 30 minutes making small talk with some lorien elves and try (and fail) to pick celeborn out of the crowd.
does know what galadriel and thranduil look like. has a hard time pointing out elrond.
will forget your name almost immediately after you tell him. guys like 3k old and has met a lot of people give him a break
to be fair he does know who you are and what you sound/look like. defining features like voice and hair help a lot. it’s just if you were to give him a book of cropped faces and ask him to name, just one,,, he’d panic and throw it at you.
feels robbed of the golden ages,, resents the fact that the world he knows is drastically different that the world he could have been. wishes there were more elves his age and just more elves in general.
that being said he wouldn’t change this for anything as the world he’s in gave him the friends he’s made and the adventure of a life time :)
he doesn’t wash his hands. like ever or at all.
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