#self mutilation mention tw

[thatgayunoriginalbastard]

Whumptober 2023 Day 3-Journal

What You Said First:

AO3 Link

Words: 1435

Summary: Luz figured out a way to recreate something an echo mouse eats and get Philip’s diary back to its original form. Unfortunately, the spell worked a little too well and any revisions or scribblings out are removed, showing the journal in its original version before it was changed to be donated to the library.

Luz’s hands were trembling as she held the freshly remade journal in her hand.

It wasn’t supposed to be anything bad. Eda remembered a potion that would get an echo mouse to essentially regurgitate a book it ate back to its original form. So, Luz helped her make it and she was able to use it to get Philip’s diary back. Luz reasoned that even though she knew how awful Belos was, there could still be useful information in there from the decades he spent writing in it.

But she didn’t know that what the echo mouse showed her after eating it wasn’t actually the original form.

Philip made revisions, scribbled things out, ripped out almost entire pages.

But all of that was undone.

Luz’s eyes were just stuck to the pages. She wasn’t able to cry or scream, she could barely even breathe. All she was able to do was read through the awful things Philip had redacted, flipping through the pages as she felt like she was unable to stop reading.

She had to know everything.

Caleb thought he could hide them from me, but I finally figured out all three pictoglyphs. There could be a way to combine them that would allow me to finally overpower that insufferable seductress that has tricked him. Perhaps carving them into my flesh would assist. I should be able to find an ignorant enough witch to test this theory on.

Every...

I considered a truly awful possibility, that one day I will have to change my appearance to better fit in with these witches. My face is already known in too many places and my rounded ears will forever be a hindrance. Mayhaps one day I might have to do something unthinkable to get on an equal level to these wretched creatures. When I find the Collector they can teach me how to do magic on my own and how to use that to exterminate these lesser beings. Even how to live long enough to see my plans through.

Awful…

That treacherous Luzura and her aunt Dirtrude. No better than the rest of the witches despite my initial assumptions otherwise. But, strangely, Luzura never used any magic besides pictoglyphs. In fact, most of how she acted was quite strange. She found the pictoglyphs just like Caleb, she fought like I did, and yet…she spoke and dressed in a strange way. Not like any other witch I had met before. I will have to keep her in mind.

Thing…

Perhaps this “Luzura” could come in handy one day.

Nothing she read should have changed anything. And yet, she suddenly had context she never wanted or needed. She didn’t even know if she could keep it a secret, and yet who could say how people, people she loved, would react.

Especially when it related to them.

Eda and Lilith.

That impudent wench. She’ll pay for seducing my brother. For charming him into teaching her how to carve, using him to carve more of those pointless palismen. Evelyn, no, the whole of the Clawthorne family will pay. I don’t care how many generations it will take, but I shall have my revenge. If I were an optimist I would be curious to see if perhaps humans and witches will breed even stronger witches, or weak inbreds. Even more reason to keep a close eye on the family, I suppose.

Hunter.

These weepy palismen souls are fighting back more than anticipated. They weaken me. It’s becoming harder for me to go out in search of them. I need assistance. But all hope is not lost. I still have Caleb’s blood on the knife. And I know where he’s buried. I can attempt to use that one grimwalker spell I found. Yes, a copy of Caleb. One I can mold to live with the sole purpose of doing my bidding. One to follow my teachings even if I die.

Even those she never imagined would be affected by Belos.

The “Bat Queen” as she calls herself is a vain, self-centered, yet pitiful creature. The palisman for a grand staff, so old she can’t even remember her owner. But even if she can threaten me and claw at me, I know I hold power over her. I am the reason she has to be a sanctuary. I kill the owners of those palismen and, if they escape, they run to her. I convince tackless witches to abandon their palismen themselves. And I have even found research on her and her possible past. Titans were supposedly able to change their size depending on emotion after all. Why, scholars believe that the reason that the Isles are so big is because the Titan died in pain or anger, that if he had been at peace he would have been smaller. Pity, as she has cast me out of her area of the woods she will never hear any of this. Not that I would tell her regardless. I am curious, however, in an old text citing her as arriving from somewhere off the island, but acting differently, like a blank slate at her return.

Luz had no idea that Philip had changed so much in his diary before giving the library the version that she had found. So much he had removed and scribbled out. Like he was paranoid of someone he didn’t want to read it someday reading it.

After what felt like a tortuously long time, she finally reached the last page, a page which had been halfway torn out even before the echo mouse ate the diary.

It’s time. I’ve gone too far now. That witch saw what I had created, or I suppose recreated. Her abomination of a child was there too. The look on its face when it saw him almost made me feel…pity for it. But that was the final straw. I can’t run away anymore. I don’t have anywhere left I can run. I must reinvent myself. The first attempt at remaking him had to be purged, but the second will be better. Less weak willed than the first one turned out to be. This will be my final entry, and this diary will be donated to the primary library of this world. After some adjustments, of course. My plan I made so long ago must happen. I will need to change myself. Only when these monsters believe I am one of them can I cleanse them all from their existence. I can only wonder who will read this, if anyone does at all. Perhaps they could hate me, but for all I know they could be just like me. But I suppose that’s up to the powers above to decide. Those below will soon be too busy dealing with all of these damned souls to do anything, after all.

Luz shut the diary. It seemed to slip out of her hands and fall to the floor, hitting the ground like a brick, not bouncing or opening, just slamming onto the wood floors. After taking a few struggling breaths, Luz took a few steps away from the diary as it sat on the ground. She couldn’t stop staring at it.

Not after everything she had just learned.

Luz finally was able to pull her gaze off of the diary as she turned around so she wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. She tried to take a few steps forward, almost stumbling as she did, before just holding herself up against a wall in front of her. Tears were welled up in her eyes but refused to fall. Even as she tried to center herself, she couldn’t seem to steady her breaths.

All she could do was use the wall in front of herself to not collapse and thank the Titan that her roommates were out. The dorms at the university were already full of gossip, she didn’t need to deal with that.

There was also a sense of guilt she couldn’t explain or get rid of.

“I thought I was ready.” Luz said quietly, voice sounding almost strangled, “I thought I was ready to think about him again. But I still can’t face what he’s done, even after he’s been dead for four years.”

Even with her being as far away from it as she could be without leaving the room, Luz could almost sense the diary behind her. The tears finally fell down her face and her knees buckled, but Luz still refused to fall to the ground.

She wouldn’t break. She couldn’t let him break her. Not again.

“I really thought I was ready.”

[robinspinknest]

... pick yr poison ...

[hardcoregayanalsegx]

"Why would you do that to yourself" I'm trying my best to soothe the pain, trying to cradle it so that maybe just maybe it will stop crying out

[toughttt]

"Ugh need" I say to an image of someone's cuts with a hospital room in the background

[lostinwonderland-13]

"Sometimes I cut myself to see how much it bleeds. Its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me"

Eminem really hit the nail on the head

[wyattisquiet]

tw: fake blood

if y'all didnt know already from past posts, im an sfx artist in training!

Here are two of my newest things!! Warning for fake blood + a casual slur (DW IM ALLOWED TO SAY IT IM GAY)

stay safe!!

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Ok here ya go my lovely lads who stuck around!!

Don't mind the toes stickin out... 😭

His initials!!

I think imma be a great sfx artist one day, but for now this is the best i can do :'') ly guyz!!

[drearyvvitch]

I need friends man, if you're okay with me messaging you to start a friendship, please reblog this post (':

[fav-444]

@NA AND $H FRIENDS WHEREEE

[0pt1m1st1c-4n0r3x1c]

I am 200 days clean from SH, and I've never felt worse. Now I know how much it's an addiction. It's all I think about, I plan when I could, when I can't I just don't know, I miss it so much.

[deathgames5]

Just opened the bandage and it is healing great, looks a little weird with all those staples, of course i pulled some out 😅

Just a picture of the bandage more will get me reported again

You all be safe and careful

[n1ghtmaresatdawn2]

Got this from pinterest all credits to the creator

[yanablu3]

Why do online self harm groups always ask for parental permission? It’s like they want me to get beat. (๑•ૅㅁ•๑)

[slicedicerepeat]

I relapsed every1 😎

[confusedlosergirl]

Trying to not be jealous of people who actually cut deep challenge

[danny-is-bleeding]

I just wanna sh. I want the scars on my arms. I want more. I want them to be more visible. The warmer it gets the more I want it and it sucks

[drearyvvitch]

tonights vibes 🕸️