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wosospacegirl · 2 months ago

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I don't know why I bite - part 1

Summary: Leah Williamson is determined to prove herself as Arsenal’s new head coach. Everything is going according to plan—until Y/n, the team’s latest signing, waltzes in late on her first day with a ridiculous excuse and even more ridiculous charm. Leah is not amused. Y/n is not taking her seriously. And the season hasn’t even started yet.

Warnings: grumpy x sunshine!!!!

Word count: 4.6k

Masterlist

Notes: I turned this blurb into a multi-chapter fic, this first chapters looks a lot like the blurb, but I added more depth to the characters. It was 2.6k before and now it's 4.6k

Leah Williamson became a living legend after leading the Lionesses to yet another victory in the Euros 2025 as the team captain and a defender.

Unfortunately, 2025 was her last year as a professional footballer, after suffering a career-ending injury at the end of the season.

Leah had been an Arsenal player since the age of 9, playing for Arsenal Academy. When she was 17 she signed for Arsenal as a senior and hasn’t looked back since.

Leah never felt the need to work towards an international career. She loved Arsenal, it had been her family club since it was formed. It was a club that valued community and a club that stood up for women and LGBT rights.

Arsenal was never just a club to Leah. That was one of the reasons she was so completely devastated when she was injured.

It was the Champions League final against Olympique Lyonnais. Leah had the ball and was getting ready to pass it to Beth when something collided with her knee.

One of the players–a younger and inexperienced one– had tried to take the ball, but the girl didn't measure how fast and hard she was going for the ball. In the end, her boot dislocated Leah’s knee.

In the end, Leah ended up in the grass of the pitch, but that time she was never to get up and play again.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if it wasn’t the same knee where she had torn her ACL years ago.

Leah was completely distraught when she got the news. She isolated herself from everyone she knew, finding it hard to discover another purpose in life.

She didn’t want to talk with Beth, Alex, or anyone else. Her whole life had been around football and she didn’t know who she was or what she could be without it.

In the following weeks after Leah discovered she wasn't going to play anymore she had a complete breakdown. She was home alone, trying to walk to the kitchen when the TV news started talking about her.

Arsenal had released the medic report that stated Leah was going to retire due to a career-ending injury. It was the first report and update the world had of Leah Williamson since Leah was still hopeful that she could recover from her knee.

She didn't, and neither Arsenal nor the Lionesses could keep a player who couldn't run.

The news talked about her whole trajectory in football.

It stung watching her younger self lifting trophies and scoring goals. If only she knew how miserable she was going to feel for the rest of her life.

And that is how Serina–Leah’s formal Manager– stepped in and invited the blonde to some coffee in North London.

“I think I know what would help you,” Serina said, taking a sip of her cappuccino.

“Are you going to give me a new knee?” Leah asked, a hint of madness in her voice. Everybody thought they could help her, but in reality, half of her friends couldn’t even understand what was going on inside her head.

Sarina ignored Leah’s mood. “Belgium has one of the best Coaching centres in the world. I went there, Renée too. If you could get a Coaching certificate, you could start working as an assistant, or as a youth Manager at Arsenal. You’ve been there since you were a kid, and with your history Arsenal’s management would be mad not to give you a chance.”

“Manager?”

“Why not? You have a football brain, you have good leadership, and people trust you. You are a full package,” Sarina responded. “Just think about it, will you?”

Sarina left the coffee shop, leaving a contemplative Leah behind.

“If you need anything, you have my number.” Renée’s voice echoed through Arsenal’s training grounds.

It was Renée’s last day as the head Manager. Three years ago, Leah went to Brussels and got her Coaching certificate.

It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. Not to be humble.

She was already very keen on football. After eight months of entering the Manager Academy, Leah was ready to start a new chapter of her life: Assistant Manager of Arsenal, alongside Renée.

The whole time Leah spent as Renée’s assistant was very productive. Leah learned a lot from the older woman, but Leah couldn’t wait for the day she would be officially named Head Manager, aka Manager.

As an assistant, Leah had some type of power to make strategic changes during a match and give her two cents on matters of hiring new players, but still wasn’t enough.

Leah promised herself she wouldn’t stop until she became the Manager of Arsenal Women. She would build her dream team and be the best manager she could be.

She would fight her to be as good as Renée and wouldn't make any of Jonas's mistakes. Leah was ready to give her all to Arsenal again, but this time from the sideline.

And that’s what Leah did.

Renée decided to retire, and Arsenal agreed to sign Leah Williamson—the ex-captain of the England National team and Gunner-born—to their team.

“I have everything under control, Renée. You know I’ve been wanting your Manager position for a long time.” Leah said with a smirk. “The only thing you have to worry about is your wife and daughter, alright, mate? You’ve already done a lot for Arsenal.”

Both Leah and Renée were wearing Arsenal’s matching outfits. They had just left a small farewell party in the Arsenal’s event room; almost all players were there to say their goodbyes to Renée, and of course, welcome Leah into her new position.

Leah had to give a speech, her first speech as a Manager. She was very nervous but didn't show. She wanted the team to know she was a strong, determined and of course, caring Manager.

“Still, Williamson, if you need any help, tips or even a friendly shoulder, just know that I’m here,” Renée insisted. The older woman was carrying a box in her arms, the outside having Once a gunner, always a gunner written on it.

Leah stared at the box, she had seen Renée packing things up in her office earlier that day, carefully putting pictures, books and even newspaper articles about Arsenal inside the container.

It being full meant that Leah’s new office was officially ready for her to take in.

Both women walked through the front door of the Arsenal Training Grounds, and a cold breeze met Leah in the face, making the women shiver. Renée looked at the busy street ahead of her until she pointed to a black Audi A3.

“That’s mine, guess I’ll go then,” Renée said, a bittersweet smile on her face.

There was a woman and a little kid in braids waving in front of the cars. Renées’ family had come to pick her up. Cute.

Before Renée could walk, Leah hugged her. “Thank you for everything, If I ever need you, I’ll give you a call, I’m serious” Renée hugged the blonde woman back before heading to her car.

Before she could open the passenger’s door she turned to Leah.

“Don’t forget about the new girl coming in tomorrow, Leah. You’ll have to show her around and everything, plus she’s not from the UK, so—”

“Renée don’t worry! Y/n is coming tomorrow at 9 am, I have everything planned out,” Leah rolled her eyes playfully.

“Alright, alright,” Renée said. “Now it’s all with you, kid.”

Leah watched as the ex-Arsenal manager got into the car and left.

Now that Reneé was gone and Leah was officially alone, she couldn’t help but feel a slight insecurity growing in her chest. She was the one responsible for the team now, her players relied on her.

She needed to be firm, trusted, sincere and caring. She was the face of the team and she needed to do a good job. She needed to be focused only on Arsenal for now.

She already had made her name known as a player, now she was going to make her name known as a coach.

Leah Williamson. New Manager, now official.

It was embarrassing to admit but Leah Williamson giggled and skipped toward her office.

It was the best day of her life. Definitely.

Ok, maybe the second day.

Nothing compared to winning the euros.

Leah thought her first day as Manager would be unfazed. What could go wrong? It was her first day as manager, of course, but it wasn’t like she was completely new to it. She knew the corridors with the palm of her hand, she could name every staff member's family member, and she knew every crack that needed to be fixed and every lamp that needed to be changed.

Leah bleed Arsenal

Leah still had the same players from last season–no one had retired or changed clubes–half of which were her former teammates and friends. The players all had their routine schedule with gym time, physio, drill and pitch time.

Nothing changed. Leah’s day was going as planned on her Google Calendar.

“I need this first day to go perfectly. No mistakes,” Leah muttered to herself, closing her eyes for a moment. “I need to prove to everyone that I can handle this. And I will”

But then, Y/n happened.

Y/n, the newest Arsenal signing of the season and the only change of the team.

It was 9:37 am and the girl was nowhere to be seen. The cold bit at Leah’s lips, numbing them, and the tips of her fingers ached from the chill.

Leah was losing her mind. She had the whole day planned. A meeting to go through, hours of tactical footage to analyse, and a schedule that should have been running smoothly–until Y/n ruined it by being late on her first day.

Leah was waiting alongside the media team to greet and officially meet Y/n for the first time. But instead of focusing on the introduction, she was standing in the cold, fighting the urge to scream.

Leah didn’t participate a lot in Y/n’s hiring; it was mostly Renée doing the work of checking her statistics and all the bureaucracy of recruiting someone from another country. She didn’t even agree with Renée at first, she couldn’t see why Arsenal needed another defender.

“Arsenal needs a sweeper,” Renée had argued during one of their meetings. “Someone who is fast, and logical but not aggressive. This kid Y/n is great for the position.”

“She’s young, just finished playing in college football,” Renée continued. “Think of her as your Alessia Russo, but as your four.”

Four being the last defence position in Football.

“Leah, we really have to get going, we need to take solo photos of the players, maybe when Y/n gets here we can try to make a small welcoming video, or something,” Clarice, the media director said as she looked at her watch. “I mean she is very late, and we have so much to do—”

“Yeah, of course, Clarice, you all can go. If she arrives, I’ll give you a call,” Leah said, impatience clear in her voice, but not wanting to also ruin Clarice’s plans for the day, she still had to do pictures with Beth, Lotte and Vic.

Leah was alone in the car park, tapping her foot against the pavement.

How can someone be late for their first day of training? It was clear to Leah that Y/n didn’t care so much about being the priciest Arsenal hiring in the last 10 years since she didn’t worry about actually coming to training.

When Leah signed as a senior in Arsenal she made her mom drop her off 3 hours earlier. She literally helped the staff open the Arsenal training grounds with how early she was.

Leah walked around the car park and looked at her watch. 5 minutes. Leah would wait 5 more minutes and if Y/n wasn’t here, she would go inside, into her office and let the new girl fend for herself.

Leah was busy and she needed to watch a bunch of matches to study Arsenal’s future opponents, but instead, she was here waiting for this girl like a fool.

9:42 am.

Leah turned around, heading to the door and feeling stupid about waiting on someone who was not coming. At least now she could do some tactical work against Chelsea.

Before Leah stepped into the building, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned around slowly, not enjoying the non-welcoming physical touch.

She locked eyes with a girl.

Y/n.

Leah, for some reason, was expecting to find the girl in full footballer mode, perhaps with her hair tied back, or dirty clothing from an intense match, but Leah was not expecting to find a very… cute girl instead. Leah had only watched the videos Renée sent of Y/n on the pitch, so she was rather surprised to see the new girl didn’t naturally have grass all over her hair.

Y/n was wearing what looked to be five layers of clothing and a coat which was way too big for her. She was wearing very inappropriate shoes for the light layer of snow accumulation on the floor.

It was like Y/n didn’t know how to dress for cold weather. It made Leah angry, for some reason. Maybe she was just grumpy.

Before Leah could blink, the new girl began rambling.

“I am so, so sorry, ma’am,” Y/n quavered, quickly pulling her hand away from Leah’s shoulder as she noticed the frown forming on her face. “You see, my cat ran away, and I had to chase after him and that took me twenty minutes, and then I took the wrong Tube—”

“Huh?” Leah cut in, her frown deepening. The girl was talking way too fast. “Your cat…?”

“His name is Ball,” Y/n explained. “He's orange. You know how orange cats are.”

Leah frowned even more. The girl in front of her had a strange habit of saying whatever popped into her head. And what was that about orange cats? Since when did colour determine a cat’s personality? Leah wouldn't know–she was a dog person through and through.

And what was she saying about the orange cat personality? Leah didn’t know the colour of a cat mattered. Leah was through and through a dog person.

A heavy silence hung between them.

“What are you on about?” Leah questioned exasperated, crossing her arms.

Y/n fumbled for words. “Ball ran away and that’s why I am–” Y/n glazed at her phone and gasped. “–oh my god, so late!”

Leah sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She should probably be more focused on the girl’s lateness, but one thing was bothering her more.

“Ball? Your cat’s name is Ball?”

Leah blinked. Once. Twice.

“Uh–football?” Y/n tried weakly. “Okay, forget it, I am so sorry for being late!”

Leah already knew three things about the girl standing in front of her:

She was disorganized and had too much energy, the worst combo.

She had a cat. A cat named Ball.

She was confused.

Leah wasn’t particularly fond of her so far. Maybe with some tough training, she’d be easier to deal with.

“You made me waste half of my morning here,” Leah said sharply “Don’t let it happen again.”

Leah turned on her heels and headed for the Arsenal training grounds. Behind her, she heard footsteps and the squeak of Y/n’s shooed against the pavement. Leah clenched her jaw. The sound was enough to make her want to rip her own shoes off.

“I–I’m sorry, and of course, it won’t happen again, ma’am” Y/n apologized, looking down at her feet.

Leah stopped in her tracks so suddenly that Y/n nearly bumped into her. Leah turned, her gaze was cold.

“Don’t call me ma’am.” She snapped. “It’s Williamson”

Today was supposed to be a good day, Y/n thought. She had written down on her planner everything she needed to do in order to get to the club in time.

She had printed the map of the Tube so she could get around easily and not get lost, but of course, it didn’t work out and now her new Manager was clearly pissed at her.

And of course, the woman angry at her had to be THE Leah Williamson, one of the most skilful defenders of all time and one of Y/n’s biggest inspirations. Y/n even had a poster of Leah in her dorm room–and maybe in her teenage bedroom as well.

Y/n had just graduated from her college in biology. The only reason she was able to get a diploma was because she had the opportunity to be an international student-athlete in the USA. It wasn’t easy being away from home and managing a social life with school and football, but she made it work.

Y/n biggest dream was always to play in a good and competitive league after she graduated. She got a handful of offers in the USA Women’s League, but she didn’t want to be in America anymore, she also didn’t want to go to her home country, so that’s why she screamed when she got the proposal from Arsenal.

Renée had first sent her an email asking her if she had any interest in playing professionally after finishing college. Y/n replied right away, telling her that she pretty much had no other choice: football was her one and true passion.

After that first interaction, Renée and Y/n exchange a few more emails. Y/n sent Renée her whole university’s league statistics, as well as some game tapes.

Renée replied that she was excited to have the girl on their team. They used Facetime to talk about important things, like calendars, dates and salary.

Oh, the money. It was more money than Y/n ever had in her entire life. Yeah, it didn’t match the man’s team, but it was way more than she made while working on the weekends as a baby and pet sitter.

Y/n was trying to see the bright side of this situation. She was in a new country, had her own apartment, and she had signed with one of the best teams in the league.

She was so happy but so terrified of joining Arsenal. Arsenal was a club with history, it was a big club with deep roots in all of London and the UK as well.

Y/n was grateful that Renée had seen potential in her, she wasn’t bad or anything, honestly, she had a way of tackling without getting fools which was impressive. But from now on her teammates weren’t going to be college girls like her, she was going to be surrounded by world-class players.

Was she good enough for that? Maybe she was just good at college football. Her manager said she was talented and skilful, and her Manager back in college said she had promising features. But it all depended on her now, could she do it? Could she fill up some big girl boots and show good football on the pitch? Y/n would have to wait and find out.

She was sure of one thing: Leah’s treatment of her wasn’t very welcoming. Yeah, maybe she was late and maybe she called her ma’am. She had messed up, but did Leah really need to walk in front of her a few feet away as if they were social distancing?

When Renée talked through her about her signing she did say she wasn’t going to be in the position as Manager much longer, she just hadn’t said Leah was the one stepping in.

Not that Y/n was mad, she did deserve it after being almost an hour late, she just wished Renée had stayed a little longer to actually give her a good and warm welcome.

“Walk faster,” Leah said, turning her head around, frowning on her face. “We have the whole building to see.”

Does she ever smile? Y/n didn’t think so.

Leah Williamson didn’t look so grumpy on screen

“Sorry,” Y/n said, stepping up the pace.

Y/n was off to a hard start.

Leah was a grumpy Manager, but it was clear how much she loved the club. She was giving Y/n a great tour despite their bad greeting earlier today, but the snappy comments and impatience attitude were still there.

Should Y/n buy her an apology gift? Would Leha like that? What could she do so Leah wouldn’t be so angry at her? She couldn’t have her manager not liking her on her debut as a senior player! That would be embarrassing.

People had told her before she was hard to be around, too energetic, too forgetful, just too much. She thought it would change when she moved to London, but it didn’t seem like it.

“This is the locker and the changing room. You can grab that one on the left,” Leah pointed at one of the lockers, with no identification on its door. “Basic rules: don’t let your clothes or boots lying around, lock your locker and just keep tidy.”

Y/n hated Leah's tone. It was like the Manager wanted to be everywhere else in the world but here with her. But she couldn’t blame Leah, she wouldn’t enjoy it if somebody kept her waiting for almost 50 minutes.

“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier,” Y/n mumbled, following Leah through the corridors. She didn’t know where they were going. Maybe the kit room? “I’m normally very punctual.”

“Hm,” Leah said, sounding indifferent. “Show that from now on.”

Maybe Y/n was going to cry on her first day after all.

Leah took a turn in the corridor and both women were in front of a white door, with “Medical Room” written on it.

The room was fairly normal, having a couple of physios and massage tables. It looked like the place hadn’t been used today, since the tables were all made. A few Pilates objects were scattered around, making the room seem more lived in.

What really caught Y/n’s attention were the photos on the wall. Y/n took a step closer to the wall, leaving Leah behind her.

Kyra and Alessia were smiling, both receiving messages from an older woman, whom Y/n guessed was the physiotherapist. Kim Little was right next to the girls’ pictures, wearing an air cast and using a crutch.

Vivianne Miedema and Beth Mead lay on a massage table, holding hands as they smiled for the picture. “ACL couple #1”, written just below it.

Next to it was a picture of Leah, a few years younger — maybe she was Y/n’s age — running in her arsenal kit. “Leah’s first run after ACL”, written in the same way as Vivianne and Beth’s photo.

Y/n felt her heart ache for Leah. Y/n was young, but she remembered how the football world was talking about how much Leah was trying to be back after her ACL tear. Ironic how it wasn’t even that injury that ended her career.

Leah did everything available, every new therapy, and nothing worked. Sure, she could walk and even run for small periods of time, but she would never come back to football again.

Y/n wondered how Leah felt having to look at that picture every day. Memories of a time that would never come back.

“This is obviously the physio room,” Leah said, breaking the awkward silence that had formed. “I’ll email you the medical staff's schedule. If you ever need anything, you can just talk to them, they’re great”

“And if you need any medical speciality that we don’t have here, Arsenal will book one for you at the closest clinic to your house,” Leah continued.

When Y/n turned around to talk to Leah, she didn’t expect her to be so close. Their bodies bumped together, making Y/n lose her balance and stumble forward. If things weren’t bad enough, she stepped right into one of the exercise objects on the floor.

Y/n squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for the impact of her head on the wall. But it never came.

Leah was faster.

One hand gripped Y/n’s waist, the other cradled the back of her head, steadying her before she could fall;

“Careful!” Leah muttered, almost like a warning

And that’s when it hit her

A soft scent–strawberry and… vanilla? It quickly found Leah’s nose, she breathed it in for a second too long before she realised she was holding Y/n’s hip a little too tight.

Y/n opened her eyes, meeting Leah’s gaze just for a second.

They were frozen in place for a moment.

Y/n’s breath hitched. Leah’s body was pressed against her and she could feel its warmth, well, as much as she could considering Y/n was wearing seven layers of clothing.

Leah’s breath ghosted over her skin. Too dangerously close.

“Hey Mary could you see my knee—”

Y/n and Leah were met with Katie McCabe, her green eyes staring at the two women in confusion.

“Oh– hi?” Katie said. Y/n could swear she heard teasing in the Irish woman’s voice. “Am I interrupting something?”

“What?! No, of course not.” Leah blurted, taking her hands off of Y/n’s body abruptly, if it wasn’t for Y/n’s years of training balance not to get tackled to the floor so easily, she would have fallen again, that’s for sure.

“I was just showing Y/n’s physio room, but Mary wasn’t even here…” Leah seemed defensive now, looking everywhere but at Y/n or Katie.

“She almost fell,” Leah continued, overexplaining herself and pointing at Y/n accusingly. “She tripped on this thing,” Leah lightly kicked the equipment, it was just a rubber ball.

Y/n would laugh if Leah didn’t seem so nervous all of a sudden.

“You know I hate when things are left lying around and–”

“Leah.”

“Yeah?”

“You are rambling,” Katie said, making the blonde close her mouth.

“Why don’t you go do some manager things and I’ll finish the tour with her, yeah? It’s Y/n, right?” Katie offered her hand to Y/n, shaking it firmly. “I’m Katie.”

“Hi, yeah I’m Y/n, so sorry this is how we met,” Y/n said, looking down. “Guess I’ll just go with her if that's okay—.”

“More than okay,” Leah mumbled. “Bye, McCabe, I’ll see you at training.”

Before Y/n or Katie could respond, Leah had already left the room, a frown on her face.

Katie was a way better host than Leah, showing all the places in the facility without making the young girl feel like a chore. The Irish woman couldn’t help but notice that Y/n wasn’t as happy as new players usually were when they first visited the club, so Katie asked what had happened.

“She hates me,” Y/n confessed as soon as they got to the pitch, the last place on the tour.

Y/n didn’t know why she was venting to Katie McCabe. The Katie McCabe, but she seemed nice enough and Y/n was tired.

“Who?”

“Williamson.” Y/n mumbled “I was late earlier, and everything went south after that. I don’t know how I’m gonna get her to like me, or well, tolerate me, at least”

Katie placed a comfortable hand on Y/n’s shoulder. “She doesn’t hate you, she is just grumpy like that, Leah doesn’t like it when things don’t go the way she planned, she’ll come around.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course, it’s your first time at Arsenal, but it's also Leah’s first time as our manager. She never had a new player before; you are her first. Renée was the one handling the greetings and initial meetings with the players. Leah will understand that other people don’t always react in a way she expected.”

Y/n hoped Katie was right.

Notes: Please like, share and let me know what you think! Feedback is important and makes me want to write even more. :D

Read more of my work here -> Masterlist

#woso fanfic #woso x reader #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson fanfic #woso writing #wlw fanfic

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karalianne · 1 month ago

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I did not create this summary but I have permission to share it.

Act I, the background:

The video opens with a timeline of Nano's history, Kilby glazing herself, and bragging about participation numbers.

When Kilby joined the board, she "figured we must be getting five- and six-figure support from big publishers" and "big authors." But, SURPRISE! "Nanowrimo never had that level of backing."

Shows some charts (screenshots, below). Note that the charts show that right around half (give or take, depending on the year) of Nano's funding came from charitable contributions.

Immediately after showing these charts, she says the organization was "primarily funded by sponsorships and merchandies, and not by charitable contributions." This is a great sign for what's to come. *As of 2020, Nano was "six-figure[s]" in debt. Her time on the board was focused on fundraising.

Act II, the scandal:

Kilby claims that the grooming of children ONLY happened off-site, NEVER on nano itself.

Kilby claims that the board publicly shared the findings of its investigation into CF after 10 days. It is implied this was done back in MAY.

Kilby admits nobody had any relevant training or certification for dealing with children.

Kilby claims nobody at NaNo knew who CF/Mod X really was (blatant lie) because they just didn't keep those records, which prevented them from being able to work with child protection organizations.

Kilby claims she was tapped for the ED position because she "understood youth-facing organizations" and "had experience with the required state-mandated training." No evidence of this understanding or experience is supplied.

More self-glazing

"Our top priority is, and was, child safety." lol

Kilby claims they implemented staff background checks "immediately" (later in the video, she'll claim that some unspecified number of people had been "vetted" and were working with the org again).

Further claims that they "developed an advice content [sic]" aimed at teaching minors how to be safe online. ….where? who knows?

Claims they started verifying educators on YWP.

Act III, the community:

Forums: Inconsistent moderations, outdated TOS. Saw problematic, unaddressable behavior. Couldn't maintain the integrity of the space.

One of the problems was that they had "encouraged" "volunteers" to set up "unofficial" Discords and facebook groups with the Nano name. "Nobody under nanowrimo's authority was moderating those groups." Using resources to deal with issues from these "unaffiliated" groups.

"The number of people who view themselves as experts by virtue of how long they've been doing Nanowrimo… numbered in the tens of thousands." [The salt really starts here]

Act IV, the fallout:

ED job was "bigger than rebuilding after an educational crisis" [because you're so good at that, clearly]

When Kilby took over, there were more than a dozen existing labor violations.

Participation had been declining since before 2020, fell off a cliff.

Sponsor money in March 2023: $310k. Sponsor money in March 2024: $125k

2023's funding shortfall was equal to 20% of their total annual budget

"We were operating outside of our mission." Claims they became an "advocacy group that actively lobbied for authors." No further specifics of how, for who, or to whom are provided.

We COULD recover from this, except for not having money.

Act V: Conclusion (why is there still 10 minutes left in the video??)

Nano is shutting down.

Website will stay up "as long as possible, but we cannot guarantee a specific end date" [because I don't know what the host's non-payment policies are or when the check will bounce]

We were going to merge with another writing org, but they noped out when they saw our debt.

"Other potential supporters" were scared off by mean, dastardly 'ol REDDIT

"Many people who withheld their support, or supported us anonymously, told us that the tone of the community was a big issue."

The press was mean to us and inaccurate about our position on AI. (what press? Youtubers??)

Kilby claims they TURNED DOWN "a number of" AI sponsors because it "went against our mission."

"The real alternative to the organization closing, and I can't say this enough, would have been for us to been funded [sic] by the community." No kidding?

"Community funding shouldn't have been a problem."

The collapse of Nano was because of things that happened before I got here (financial mismanagement), but it absolutely wasn't because of AI or a scandal. Don't put it in the newspaper that it was because of AI or a scandal. Those were just a coincidence.

Thank you to everyone I fired, drove away, etc. etc.

#nanowrimo #nanopocalypse #nanowrimo is dead

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writingforatwistedworld · 1 year ago

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Hi! Can i ask for a self aware twst when the reader surprises adopted Silver as their son. Like just pointing at him and saying 'you are my child now' with Silver, Lilia and Sebek. Hope you have a good day!

Hehe. Anon, you know what you are doing. In fact, I would say you even want the chaos. And for that I love you come here so I can hug you.

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, Diasomnia chapter spoilers (Lilias part, maybe Sebek), religion, violence, isolation, kidnapping, obsessive behavior

Lilia Vanrouge/(Platonic) Silver/Sebek Zigvolt-Adopting Silver

Oh ok. Cool cool coolcoolcoolcoolcool

Well, at least that one room dedicated to you in the form of an altar can now be used for more practical uses (finally)

When Lilia heard you say those words and point at his son, he fell from the chandelier he was dangling from

Not only did he have to navigate through not accidentally telling his son that he was the blood related son of an enemy general and that exactly this general killed Malleus mom

But also that he had now a second parent that also happened to be god

Mhm totally normal

Conversations to strangers about his family were already playing out like this in his head:

Hi, I am Lilia Vanrouge, yes the one in your history book, this is my son Silver, yes he looks like a certain knight, and my lovely partner and also parent of this lovely human, yes, FU**ING GOD THEMSELVES

Ah yes, sitting in church will totally not be awkward after this

Bro legit sits you down with a pen and paper, asking you to sign the marriage certificate

Asks you what flowers you want to have on your wedding. Doesn't matter if you are a woman, man or identify as something else, he is planning that

Also has already planned out how to get you into the Valley of Thorns without anyone noticing

Because no matter how devoted he is to you, he will always be too greedy to share your attention with someone else

You could have said this as a joke or some other protective instinct towards the silver-haired male but all that man's father hears is a marriage proposal

Lilia is just happy that you feel some sort of positive way to his family member (makes things easier when you are stuck in that cabin)

I mean, he did see Silver as a present from you, a child meant to bring him back to the light after being so long in the shadow of war

And now the three of you were together! How lovely!

Which would mean that you planned this all along. Dear Overseer, if you liked the idea of you being a family you could have just told him so

He will be the best partner to raise a child together you could dream of

And should someone dare to interrupt the perfect, peaceful life you three (plus two more) had, he wouldn't mind swinging that sword again

Wait what?

What do you mean with that?

Are you sure you want him to be your son? Really?

Apparently he was not the only one surprised since he could hear the thud of his father falling to the ground behind him and Seek screaming somewhere behind him

Be prepared for a silver haired knight to look at you with the biggest puppy eyes and ask "Do you really want me as you son?"

Critical hit! Someone call a doctor. I think the Valley of Thorns god can be killed by cuteness

After that he is glued to your side (even though you have to part sooner or later since he is not living in Ramshackle)

One morning you woke up to the guy standing there with some food being like "I made some food."

Like where the Heck did he even get the keys for the dorm? (He broke in through a hole in the ceiling)

Silver always comes running to you whenever he does something and wants praises

Once he was best in one of his classes and he stood there with the report like he could turn into a dog and get headpats from you any second

But, as I am sure you are aware of, this is a blog with yandere themes and we have to say goodbye to the fluff at some point

That sword training comes in handy is all I'm saying

I mean, he has probably enough strength to break someone's leg with his bare hands by simply applying some pressure

And that one Diasomnia student that tried to take his son-status away from him was found again in a not-so-compatible-state-with-life kind of situation

I'm letting you imagine what happened

Like Lilia he is ready to burn everyone who dares to interfere with your little family

The forests of his homeland are pretty though so no need to worry about the appearance of your surroundings once they bring you to your new home (who needs social interaction anyways?)

A second of silence

And then the screaming started

“OH HOW KIND OF OUR OVERSEER! TO SHOW A MORTAL THEIR KINDNESS AND CARING SIDE!”

Seek would be lying if he said that he wasn't surprised

You, aka the Overseer, aka some higher being, AKA GOD, were known in the Valley of Thorns to be kind and caring, yet also distant and never approaching others directly

But then you literally adopt someone, making that person someone in your inner cycle?

Well, if Sebek knew one thing then that those Priests were going to have a crisis as soon as they learned about this

Totally not jealous

He would try to get closer to you since, apparently, you did allow others to get close to you

But he was happy as long as you were

After all, he was now the (not-so-official appointed) shield of the Valley of Thorns, something he got passed on by his grandfather

So of course he couldn't be family with you

That didn't mean he couldn't “help” you

Someone intruded on that dinner you had with Lilia and Silver?

Ouch… that punch must have hurt

Whenever Silver or his Father had to interfere because someone else came too close then they were some incredibly slick (looking at you Rook) or lucky person

Don't let his loud mouth fool you

This crocodile has done unmentionables in your name in order to make things easier for your new found family

For what? Oh you know, becoming his neighbor back home… forever

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writers-potion · 1 year ago

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𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫

Like many other fields, magic comes from a combianation of natural talent, determination, study and practice. Here are some ways that your character can learn, either to develop throughout the story or as a part of their backstory.

School of Magic

It may ba a school of magic for children, a college of magic, a mage academy, or even a university offering postgraduate degrees in comparative magic and magical anthropology.

Students sign up for full-time study, often on tuition-bed-and-board basis.

Depending on the type of school and level of education, students will be taught subjects that address various aspects of their magic system, sometimes even non-magical subjects.

Apprenticeship

This is where a senior magician takes one or several trainees to lern under them. The terms of the contract would vary, but the basics of it would be that the student is indentured for certain years of service in return for an education.

There may or may not be payment involved, and the appentices may live with the master.

Self-Study

A magician can plausibly teach themselves through research, reading, trial and error.

This is reclusive, organized, studious characters who have self-discipline and intense curiosity.

Part-Time Study

It is also practical to study magic as a hobby, and to devote only a few hours every week to training.

Many organizations offer part-time courses: community colleges, pagan religious groups, New Age societies. There may or may not be an examination/certification requirement.

Informal Learning

Non-professional magicians can pick up some skills that are passed down from mother to daughter, or a few lines of magic that goes viral among teenagers.

Candidate Selection

A magical academy's entrance exam or a master choosing an apprentice may look at the following: ability to concentrate, memory, creativity and imagination, motivation moral integrity, ability to control thoughts, patience, health, sensory awareness, natural affinity for magic, existing skills in related fields, faith and piety, etc.

Initiation

When the student has passed the probationary period, he is initiated into the craft. This ritual often takes place during a solstice or equinox, or an annual event like a festival.

Some systems of magic may have several levels of initiations or degrees.

Some systems may have lethal consequences for candidates who fail to pass the test.

If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram! 📸

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supreme-leader-stoat · 8 months ago

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Where does "turn the other cheek" leave Christians in terms of self-defense?

Alright, so, big asterisk up front: we've been arguing about this among ourselves for about two millennia and it shows no signs of stopping. A Quaker is liable to give you a much different answer than a raised-Baptist.

First, some context. The "turn the other cheek" verse is specifically part of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus takes Old Testament law and raises the ante. The law says not to murder, He tells them not to let their anger overtake and control them to begin with. The law says not to commit adultery, He says not to even look at people with lustful intentions (this is the poke out your eye, cut off your hand passage). The law says that a man divorcing his wife has to give her the legal protections of a certificate of divorce, He says that anything short of cheating isn't valid grounds for divorce to begin with (this has a lot to do with the protections or lack thereof for unmarried women at the time, but that's a whole tangent I won't go into here). The law says to keep your oaths, He says to be such a straightforward and honest person that you don't even need to give your oath to begin with. And so on.

Now, with all that in mind; "turn the other cheek" is Him upping the ante on the segment of Mosaic law that literally gives us the phrase "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." It was half legal prescription on the just punishments for certain crimes, and half laying down the rules and restrictions of what constituted acceptable proportionate retaliation. If someone punches you, you can punch him back. Someone kills your brother, you can execute him. What you can't do is go and slaughter his entire family, because that's how you get blood feuds, and that doesn't end well for anybody.

Looking at it from that angle, "turn the other cheek" is a commandment against retaliation and vengeance, and this is the interpretation I've grown up around most of my life. Someone hits you and you've got the opportunity to walk away, then you take your lumps and go, and you don't stew and think about what you're gonna do to get back at him the next time you see him.

Active and immediate self-preservation is another matter. To the best of my knowledge, there is no clear prohibition in the Bible against such actions; even "he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword" is immediately followed by "Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?" The rebuke isn't for acting in the defense of others, it's for getting trigger-happy when Jesus isn't in any true (immediate) danger and because it's ultimately a pointless fight; Jesus has to go to the cross.

If you'll pardon an older example, let's take a look at Esther Chapter 8. King Ahasuerus gives the Jews leave to form militias to protect themselves and their property against the lynch mobs that would be attacking them as part of Haman's genocide plot, and this is presented to us as an inherently just and sensible course of action.

So, to answer the original question, I don't believe that there's anything wrong with Christians practicing self-defense, "turn the other cheek" notwithstanding.

But.

There's one more thorny patch to consider in this whole argument, and that's the one bit of Matthew 5 that comes after "turn the other cheek": "Love your enemy, and pray for those who persecute you." The safety that Christians enjoy in the modern west is an anomaly both geographically and historically. Christianity is, at its very root, a religion of martyrs. Many and maybe even most of those martyrs have gone to their deaths, if not willingly, then at least peaceably. It's worth noting that we don't tell the story of Stephen, who made a valiant last stand against the mob that tried to stone him. We tell the story of Stephen the martyr. "Lord, do not hold this sin against them."

Honestly, I don't know that I'd have the courage to die like they did. If there's someone who's trying to hurt you, trying to hurt your family, I won't be the one to look you in the eyes and say you have to stand down; I'm already well aware of the decision I'd make in that situation. But from the moment we accept eternal life, our old lives here on Earth are forfeit. Any time that could be taken from us with our death is on loan to begin with. A hypothetical attacker in a self-defense situation isn't guaranteed that same benefit. They might very well have far, far more to lose than we do.

I don't believe Christians are forbidden self-defense, but I think we are expected to weigh the costs.

#Christianity

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feministmetalgreymon · 10 months ago

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Trans women and otokonoko characters are not the same thing

Senpai is an otokonoko recently came out and already there is discourse about it. Most of this discourse is based in two common misconceptions. The first misconception is that there are no trans women in anime and manga. And the second is that otokonoko characters exist because Japanese people either can't tell the difference between a cross dresser and a trans woman, or they are hiding trans characters by calling them otokonoko. The reality is more complex.

First what is a otokonoko? Otokonoko is a term used by both trans femmes and cross dressing men to describe a cute feminine amab person. Being a otokonoko and trans isn't mutually exclusive, but neither are they synonymous. In Japan you have quite a few celebrities that identify as otokonoko.

On the left is Michelle a trans woman otokonoko and on the right is Kaoru Oshima a cis gender male otokonoko. The term otokonoko does not refer to someone's gender but their presentation. Otokonoko like to present as cute and feminine regardless of whether they identify as men, women, or nonbinary.

In the context of manga both trans women and cross dressing male characters appear. And unfortunately there has been tons of confusion over which characters are meant to be trans women and which ones are meant to be crossdressing men.

So in this post I am going to explain the differences in how they are portrayed in anime and manga.

First we have to take into consideration target audience. Manga is divided based on age and gender of the intended audience.

These are romance manga aimed at a adult female audience. The one on the left is about a trans woman. While the one on the right features a cross dressing man as a love interest.

The first and most obvious difference is the story about a trans woman features her as the protagonist. These are both het josei romance. And within the context of het josei romance female protagonists are often written as a audience surrogate for women readers. So naturally when depicting a romance about a trans woman the story is written from her perspective as a woman. Otokonoko and other cross dressing characters on the other hand or more likely to be depicted as a romantic interest.

Another way they are differentiated is in how they are drawn. Adult trans women are depicted with obvious signs of using hrt. The woman on the left has breasts while the cross dresser does not. In Japan up until recently medical transition was necessary in order to change the gender on someones id or birth certificate. This is no longer the case. But regardless there is a strong association between being trans and medical transitioning in Japan.

Manga about trans people also delve deeply into the issues and experiences real life trans people might face. There trans identity isn't a mere superficial gimmick for the story but informs the narrative.

Some manga depict both trans women and otokonoko/crossdressers in the same story. In these works the differences between trans characters and cross dressing characters is even more obvious.

This image provides a helpful explanation on how manga differentiates cross dressing characters from trans characters.

So now let's talk about Senpai is an otokonoko.

Now I have already explained how manga portrays cross dressers in comparison to trans people. So lets ask the question, is Makato trans or a cross dresser. Well the manga tells us.

Makato is clearly written as a boy that likes cute things. His cross dressing isn't about gender so much as it's about his love for cuteness.

Unlike trans characters, cross dressing characters motivations for cross dressing aren't all that deep, it's a hobby or a aesthetic for them. They aren't motivated by a internal sense of gender. On the other hand trans character motivations for transitioning are deeply connected to their sense of self and who they are.

Hopefully this will help fans looking for manga featuring trans or otokonoko/crossdressing characters. In the world of manga trans and otokonoko characters are not portrayed as interchangeable rather. They written with clear and distinct differences in how they look, think and behave.

#senpai is an otokonoko #senpai wa otokonoko #manga #anime #shoujo #trans characters #lgbtq

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ashleyrowanthewriter · 10 months ago

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The Sign for Gold Is Ugly - Chapter 1

*************

It began as a routine blood test. Goldie was impatiently rocking in her chair and flapping her tail that was beginning to grow while Dr. Erian was reading her card. From time to time he was glancing at his patient only to return to reading the card. Finally he put it down on his desk.

“I have some good news and some bad news,” said Dr. Erian.

“Some good news? What about?” asked Goldie.

“The good news is that your levels of calcitonin have finally reached the level that allows you to be legally deemed a merfolk,” said Dr. Erian.

Hearing the diagnosis Goldie became ecstatic. She threw her hands in the air and squealed through a toothy grin.

“That’s so great!” Goldie said. “What do I need to sign?”

“Not so fast,” said Dr. Erian. “I know how exciting that might sound, but you still have some paperwork not done.”

Goldie stopped her excited rocking and looked at Dr. Erian.

“What do you mean paperwork?” Goldie was shocked. “I have everything covered! Your psychiatric approval, the two year life test and even the single status certificate! And you just said that I have perfect hormone levels! What else would I need?”

“Well, you seem to have forgotten about the Mermaid Sign Language certificate, didn’t you?” said Dr. Erian

Goldie looked as if she heard about it for the first time.

“That’s a requirement?” asked Goldie. “Last time I checked it was just advice!”

“Times change quickly when you do animal HRT,” said Dr. Erian.

“How quickly are we speaking exactly?”

“I guess 30 months is a long time, isn’t it? From the beginning of it all to now.”

“But don’t they say that law doesn’t work backwards?”

“It doesn't. You haven’t started your legal procedure so you still don’t transition using the old system.”

Goldie wanted to protest, but she ran out of arguments. She just crossed her hands and frowned. Dr. Erian looked for something inside the drawer of his desk.

“Try going to her,” Dr. Erian told Goldie. “My other patients say that they achieve great results with her.”

Saying that Dr. Erian pulled out a flyer from his desk. Goldie read it with curiosity. In the picture there was a human woman and a beautiful mermaid with a gorgeous lingcod tail. They were raising their right hands and spreading their fingers. The description read Dr. Rowan’s Merslan School - For transitioners and translators.

Goldie thought that maybe she could try. Not that she particularly trusted Erian’s claims of satisfied patients. She simply saw no better alternative.

It was Goldie’s first class at Dr. Rowan’s school. She looked around the classroom looking at all the fellow students. Some were early into their transition, some were in a similar stage to her and some already had to be using wheelchairs thanks to their progress. All of them gathered in that room in a common goal to learn that one peculiar skill that the law found mandatory for them. For a moment it gathered up some self esteem in Goldie. If so many people were trying to do it then for sure Goldie could do it.

The door opened and one more person went in. A tall woman holding a briefcase. She stood before the class, raised her right hand and spread her fingers. The class repeated her movements. Goldie was confused, but she made the sign as well. She was waiting for the woman to sit down with the rest of the class, but then she started speaking.

“Alright, good morning, class! It is delightful to see you all. I am Dr. Rowan, but you might already know that. I am excited about teaching you and I hope you’re excited about learning with me.”

Goldie couldn’t believe what she heard. She took out the flyer from Dr. Erian, looking at it and at her teacher. There was no doubt. It was the human from the picture. It was strange for Goldie. She was almost sure that the teacher should be some kind of mermaid. Wasn’t there a mermaid on the flyer? Was that just a student? But it was only natural to think otherwise. Assumptions are indeed a powerful light that can blind its wielder.

The first lesson was feeling longer and longer and slower and slower. As much as she wanted to, she understood very little of whatever Dr. Rowan tried to teach her class. Goldie wanted the class to end. She wanted to once again understand what her senses were registering. Sure, she caught the meaning of maybe five signs, but she completely missed about fifteen others.

Near the end of the lesson Dr. Rowan finally said something that Goldie could understand.

“Now, one more thing before we finish. As you might have guessed, the names used in the Mermaid Language are not names you may be familiar with from English.After all there is no real way of communicating them through its signs. Instead you can choose any sign you’d like to!”

Finally Goldie caught something and found it cool.

“So I want you to think about whatever word you’d like to use as your name and tell me next week,” said Dr. Rowan. “I’ll show you how to show it. And… That’s all for today!”

Of course Goldie already knew what sign she wanted to use. So while her classmates were leaving the class she instead went to Dr. Rowan.

“Excuse me, what if I already have a word I want to use?” asked Goldie.

Dr. Rowan smiled. “I’ll show you then. What should it be?”

“Gold,” said Goldie. “Well… It might have been kind of obvious,” she added and chuckled.

“Alright, it’s easy. Look,” said Dr. Rowan.

The teacher closed her left eye and brought her right hand to her right eye. She then brought her thumb, index and middle finger together.

“Like this,” said Dr. Rowan.

Goldie mimicked her movements. She found the sign disappointing. She kind of hoped it would be more beautiful.

In her house Goldie was practising her name in front of a mirror. Or something along the lines. She had very mixed feelings about it. Her sister, Kayla, who just came to visit Goldie, noticed her lost in the mirror.

“Did something happen?” asked Kayla.

“The sign for gold is ugly,” said Goldie, still lost in her practice.

Kayla remembered that Goldie told her about trying to learn the Mermaid language. It was the first time she saw her sister practising and she saw that she did not have a fun time.

“Trouble learning?” Kayla asked.

“No kidding,” said Goldie. “Once I remember some sign I forget it immediately.”

“Don’t worry, you’re gonna be great at it someday,” said Kayla.

“It would be nice,” said Goldie. “But I guess this is my hell.”

Goldie returned to training signs. Kayla stood behind her and looked at Goldie’s reflection. She was still attempting to practise.

Kayla moved her sight to her own reflection. She was on her way to transition into a bat, but she didn’t know how far she would want to push her transition. She already had a lot of bat traits that she loved. Cute fur, wings beginning to sprout, sensitive ears… Kayla focused on her ears. They were really sensitive. In loud environments they were really hurting her. She sometimes needed to wear silencers.

And maybe that was the way to give Goldie some motivation and faith…

“You know…,” Kayla said. “Sometimes I do wish to be able to turn my hearing off.”

“Don’t you have silencers?” asked Goldie.

“Yes, but… I can’t talk if I can’t hear,” said Kayla. “I would like to learn some sign language. Maybe you could teach me?”

At first Goldie thought that she could help Kayla a bit. After all, who was she not to help her own sister? But then she noticed the possible hidden intentions.

“Is that supposed to make me want to study harder?” said Goldie.

“Maybe,” said Kayla.

Goldie sighed and laughed.

“Alright, sis!” Goldie said. “I can’t promise anything, but whatever I get I’ll try to teach you.”

“Thank you!” said Kayla. “Maybe you’ll manage to actually pick stuff up easier!”

“Yeah,” said Goldie. “Let’s hope so.”

*************

Yup, I am writing a fanfic of the Furry HRT universe. I wanted to come back to the idea. And write a story about aspiring mermaids learning sign language. As you might have guessed the main character is going to be @welldrawnfish. Also @kaylasartwork is going to be featured. I hope they like it!

EDIT: Thought I actually should link to Goldie's fish story and Kayla's bat story. Whoopsies...

#furry #furry hrt #fish hrt #mermaid hrt #bat hrt #fanfiction #fanfic #writeblr

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 months ago

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I Now Declare You

Warnings: Lloyd being Lloyd and dark overtones.

Prompt: Lloyd and Mimi get married. Lloyd is mega groom-zilla.

Character: Lloyd Hansen (from Carpe Noctem)

As usual, I appreciate any and all feedback and enthusiasm. Please reblog and leave a comment. Love! 😍

The day has come. Most women would be excited. You’re getting married, but just like everything with Lloyd, there’s a caveat. This isn’t exactly your choice. None of it is.

The dress is pretty but the amount of cleavage isn’t entirely you. No, that’s Lloyd. Or the flowers. Elegant but you prefer simple. The ring, overzealous is as nice as you can describe it. At least it’s a small affair. A courthouse wedding but you’re still surrounded by strangers. Lloyd’s guests, not yours.

You stand across from him as the officiant goes through his script. You can tell by the twitch in Lloyd’s mustache and the grip on your hands that he’s irritated. It isn’t his perfect dream wedding. Or yours. Or maybe he’s impatient. He said he was more concerned with the wedding night than the day...

Typical.

The recital of the binding words fade into a drone. You can trace through all the events that led to this but you still wonder how you ended up here. Of all people, you’re bound to this man. Well, he can act like a child sometimes and you have quite a bit of training in minding toddlers.

The tick in his cheek deepens as the officiant declares that long-awaited act. The first kiss as husband and wife. You’re still reeling from the vows. Is this real? Are you really legally bound to this man? It’s not much of a change since you’ve been chained to him in all but law.

He draws you in and you gasp into his mouth as he smothers you without shame. You press your hands to his lapels as he traps you in a bearish embrace. He consumes you with the hunger of a man who swore himself to celibacy since the day he proposed. His self-imposed restraint hardly made him any less needy.

He parts, his nose tickling yours, and whispers, “I’m about to destroy you wifey.”

Your lashes flick at the intensity in his tone. You can never really describe him as anything but intense. Even so, he catches you off guard now and again.

You rocks you and gives a wink as he reluctantly pulls away. The small courthouse room is full but there’s not too many people. Those same friends from the night you met in the private room at the club, an assortment of women on their arms, though none of them seem very happy to be there.

“Okay, shit stains, let’s get the photos quick,” he declares. “I got some prima nocta waiting for me.”

The antiquated and rather off-putting reference makes you wince. It’s embarrassing how he just says whatever he wants; he doesn’t even care about the officiant waiting patiently with pen in hand. She clears her throat.

“You need to sign. Your witnesses too.”

“Ah, fuck, yeah,” he drags you by your hand to the table against the wall. “Where the fuck?”

“Lloyd,” you nudge him gently and smile at her, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise for me,” he takes the pen and wiggles it impatiently.

“Fair, you should apologise for yourself,” you retort.

He frowns and gives you the side eye. The officiant taps the papers. “Here and here,” she points to each.

He scribbles quickly and flips the pen in your direction. You pluck it from him and move closer. You sign then hand off to the first witness. Nick? You think his name is.

The officiant hands you the certificate and Lloyd just as quickly snatches it. She leaves you to the room until the end of the hour. Lloyd sucks his teeth and shoves the certificate at Andy’s date. “Hold onto this.”

He turns and before you can react, he scoops you up. You squeal and he turns to face the chairs. “Alright, snap away.”

The photographer moves from the corner of the room. Lloyd smushes his lips to your cheek as he cradles you in his arms, your skirts clouding out around you. The shutter clicks endlessly and you wriggle in his grasp. You’re precarious in his hold but no matter how many times you tell him not to pick you up, he insists.

“Fuck, mimi, I’m gonna tear this thing off you.”

He squeezes your leg before he sets you on your feet. You’re dizzy from the suddenness of it all. He grabs your hands and turns you then gets to his knees. He brings your hands to frame his throat and he snickers.

“Get a few just like this,” he says to the photographer. The guests chuckle at the ridiculous tableau.

“Lloyd,” you rebuke.

“Oh, don’t be shy, mimi. You know you’ll be doing lots of this tonight,” he chortles so the whole room can hear. “And I’ll be doing a whole lotta begging.”

#lloyd hansen #dark lloyd hansen #dark!lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #carpe noctem #the gray man #drabble

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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Demon-haunted computers are back, baby

Catch me in Miami! I'll be at Books and Books in Coral Gables on Jan 22 at 8PM.

As a science fiction writer, I am professionally irritated by a lot of sf movies. Not only do those writers get paid a lot more than I do, they insist on including things like "self-destruct" buttons on the bridges of their starships.

Look, I get it. When the evil empire is closing in on your flagship with its secret transdimensional technology, it's important that you keep those secrets out of the emperor's hand. An irrevocable self-destruct switch there on the bridge gets the job done! (It has to be irrevocable, otherwise the baddies'll just swarm the bridge and toggle it off).

But c'mon. If there's a facility built into your spaceship that causes it to explode no matter what the people on the bridge do, that is also a pretty big security risk! What if the bad guy figures out how to hijack the measure that – by design – the people who depend on the spaceship as a matter of life and death can't detect or override?

I mean, sure, you can try to simplify that self-destruct system to make it easier to audit and assure yourself that it doesn't have any bugs in it, but remember Schneier's Law: anyone can design a security system that works so well that they themselves can't think of a flaw in it. That doesn't mean you've made a security system that works – only that you've made a security system that works on people stupider than you.

I know it's weird to be worried about realism in movies that pretend we will ever find a practical means to visit other star systems and shuttle back and forth between them (which we are very, very unlikely to do):

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/09/astrobezzle/#send-robots-instead

But this kind of foolishness galls me. It galls me even more when it happens in the real world of technology design, which is why I've spent the past quarter-century being very cross about Digital Rights Management in general, and trusted computing in particular.

It all starts in 2002, when a team from Microsoft visited our offices at EFF to tell us about this new thing they'd dreamed up called "trusted computing":

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/05/trusting-trust/#thompsons-devil

The big idea was to stick a second computer inside your computer, a very secure little co-processor, that you couldn't access directly, let alone reprogram or interfere with. As far as this "trusted platform module" was concerned, you were the enemy. The "trust" in trusted computing was about other people being able to trust your computer, even if they didn't trust you.

So that little TPM would do all kinds of cute tricks. It could observe and produce a cryptographically signed manifest of the entire boot-chain of your computer, which was meant to be an unforgeable certificate attesting to which kind of computer you were running and what software you were running on it. That meant that programs on other computers could decide whether to talk to your computer based on whether they agreed with your choices about which code to run.

This process, called "remote attestation," is generally billed as a way to identify and block computers that have been compromised by malware, or to identify gamers who are running cheats and refuse to play with them. But inevitably it turns into a way to refuse service to computers that have privacy blockers turned on, or are running stream-ripping software, or whose owners are blocking ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

After all, a system that treats the device's owner as an adversary is a natural ally for the owner's other, human adversaries. The rubric for treating the owner as an adversary focuses on the way that users can be fooled by bad people with bad programs. If your computer gets taken over by malicious software, that malware might intercept queries from your antivirus program and send it false data that lulls it into thinking your computer is fine, even as your private data is being plundered and your system is being used to launch malware attacks on others.

These separate, non-user-accessible, non-updateable secure systems serve a nubs of certainty, a remote fortress that observes and faithfully reports on the interior workings of your computer. This separate system can't be user-modifiable or field-updateable, because then malicious software could impersonate the user and disable the security chip.

It's true that compromised computers are a real and terrifying problem. Your computer is privy to your most intimate secrets and an attacker who can turn it against you can harm you in untold ways. But the widespread redesign of out computers to treat us as their enemies gives rise to a range of completely predictable and – I would argue – even worse harms. Building computers that treat their owners as untrusted parties is a system that works well, but fails badly.

First of all, there are the ways that trusted computing is designed to hurt you. The most reliable way to enshittify something is to supply it over a computer that runs programs you can't alter, and that rats you out to third parties if you run counter-programs that disenshittify the service you're using. That's how we get inkjet printers that refuse to use perfectly good third-party ink and cars that refuse to accept perfectly good engine repairs if they are performed by third-party mechanics:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

It's how we get cursed devices and appliances, from the juicer that won't squeeze third-party juice to the insulin pump that won't connect to a third-party continuous glucose monitor:

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

But trusted computing doesn't just create an opaque veil between your computer and the programs you use to inspect and control it. Trusted computing creates a no-go zone where programs can change their behavior based on whether they think they're being observed.

The most prominent example of this is Dieselgate, where auto manufacturers murdered hundreds of people by gimmicking their cars to emit illegal amount of NOX. Key to Dieselgate was a program that sought to determine whether it was being observed by regulators (it checked for the telltale signs of the standard test-suite) and changed its behavior to color within the lines.

Software that is seeking to harm the owner of the device that's running it must be able to detect when it is being run inside a simulation, a test-suite, a virtual machine, or any other hallucinatory virtual world. Just as Descartes couldn't know whether anything was real until he assured himself that he could trust his senses, malware is always questing to discover whether it is running in the real universe, or in a simulation created by a wicked god:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/28/descartes-was-an-optimist/#uh-oh

That's why mobile malware uses clever gambits like periodically checking for readings from your device's accelerometer, on the theory that a virtual mobile phone running on a security researcher's test bench won't have the fidelity to generate plausible jiggles to match the real data that comes from a phone in your pocket:

https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/01/google-play-malware-used-phones-motion-sensors-to-conceal-itself/

Sometimes this backfires in absolutely delightful ways. When the Wannacry ransomware was holding the world hostage, the security researcher Marcus Hutchins noticed that its code made reference to a very weird website: iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com. Hutchins stood up a website at that address and every Wannacry-infection in the world went instantly dormant:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#the-matrix

It turns out that Wannacry's authors were using that ferkakte URL the same way that mobile malware authors were using accelerometer readings – to fulfill Descartes' imperative to distinguish the Matrix from reality. The malware authors knew that security researchers often ran malicious code inside sandboxes that answered every network query with fake data in hopes of eliciting responses that could be analyzed for weaknesses. So the Wannacry worm would periodically poll this nonexistent website and, if it got an answer, it would assume that it was being monitored by a security researcher and it would retreat to an encrypted blob, ceasing to operate lest it give intelligence to the enemy. When Hutchins put a webserver up at iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com, every Wannacry instance in the world was instantly convinced that it was running on an enemy's simulator and withdrew into sulky hibernation.

The arms race to distinguish simulation from reality is critical and the stakes only get higher by the day. Malware abounds, even as our devices grow more intimately woven through our lives. We put our bodies into computers – cars, buildings – and computers inside our bodies. We absolutely want our computers to be able to faithfully convey what's going on inside them.

But we keep running as hard as we can in the opposite direction, leaning harder into secure computing models built on subsystems in our computers that treat us as the threat. Take UEFI, the ubiquitous security system that observes your computer's boot process, halting it if it sees something it doesn't approve of. On the one hand, this has made installing GNU/Linux and other alternative OSes vastly harder across a wide variety of devices. This means that when a vendor end-of-lifes a gadget, no one can make an alternative OS for it, so off the landfill it goes.

It doesn't help that UEFI – and other trusted computing modules – are covered by Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which makes it a felony to publish information that can bypass or weaken the system. The threat of a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine means that UEFI and other trusted computing systems are understudied, leaving them festering with longstanding bugs:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/09/free-sample/#que-viva

Here's where it gets really bad. If an attacker can get inside UEFI, they can run malicious software that – by design – no program running on our computers can detect or block. That badware is running in "Ring -1" – a zone of privilege that overrides the operating system itself.

Here's the bad news: UEFI malware has already been detected in the wild:

https://securelist.com/cosmicstrand-uefi-firmware-rootkit/106973/

And here's the worst news: researchers have just identified another exploitable UEFI bug, dubbed Pixiefail:

https://blog.quarkslab.com/pixiefail-nine-vulnerabilities-in-tianocores-edk-ii-ipv6-network-stack.html

Writing in Ars Technica, Dan Goodin breaks down Pixiefail, describing how anyone on the same LAN as a vulnerable computer can infect its firmware:

https://arstechnica.com/security/2024/01/new-uefi-vulnerabilities-send-firmware-devs-across-an-entire-ecosystem-scrambling/

That vulnerability extends to computers in a data-center where the attacker has a cloud computing instance. PXE – the system that Pixiefail attacks – isn't widely used in home or office environments, but it's very common in data-centers.

Again, once a computer is exploited with Pixiefail, software running on that computer can't detect or delete the Pixiefail code. When the compromised computer is queried by the operating system, Pixiefail undetectably lies to the OS. "Hey, OS, does this drive have a file called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope." "Hey, OS, are you running a process called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope."

This is a self-destruct switch that's been compromised by the enemy, and which no one on the bridge can de-activate – by design. It's not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last.

There are models for helping your computer bust out of the Matrix. Back in 2016, Edward Snowden and bunnie Huang prototyped and published source code and schematics for an "introspection engine":

https://assets.pubpub.org/aacpjrja/AgainstTheLaw-CounteringLawfulAbusesofDigitalSurveillance.pdf

This is a single-board computer that lives in an ultraslim shim that you slide between your iPhone's mainboard and its case, leaving a ribbon cable poking out of the SIM slot. This connects to a case that has its own OLED display. The board has leads that physically contact each of the network interfaces on the phone, conveying any data they transit to the screen so that you can observe the data your phone is sending without having to trust your phone.

(I liked this gadget so much that I included it as a major plot point in my 2020 novel Attack Surface, the third book in the Little Brother series):

https://craphound.com/attacksurface/

We don't have to cede control over our devices in order to secure them. Indeed, we can't ever secure them unless we can control them. Self-destruct switches don't belong on the bridge of your spaceship, and trusted computing modules don't belong in your devices.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/17/descartes-delenda-est/#self-destruct-sequence-initiated

Image: Mike (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/stillwellmike/15676883261/

CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

#pluralistic #uefi #owner override #user override #jailbreaking #dmca 1201 #schneiers law #descartes #nub of certainty #self-destruct button #trusted computing #secure enclaves #drm #ngscb #next generation secure computing base #palladium #pixiefail #infosec

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