#she did not have to go off so hard w hard feelings/loveless but she did and i can only thank her profusely for it

[soulmvtes]

god lorde just GETS IT

[maplleaf]

“Say no to the bride!”

TWST Silver x m!reader

A/N: rushed but i need some self indulgence fic bc tests hard, me braindead, need sleepy boy.

< Set in the Ghost Marriage event, though some of the storyline has been changed. Pre-established relationship >

Silver is a strange person. He’s a human raised by a fae, trained to be a knight for a lord who’s much older than him yet they go to the same school, and has to keep himself from sleeping most of the time. Even with his looks, it’s a surprise that he managed to get himself a partner. 

He isn’t in the same dorm as Silver, but they met after the knight accidentally slept on his shoulders at class. The first time it happened, (y/n) is concerned if he’s okay or not. Though after sitting next to eachother for other classes, he ended up getting used to the weight on his shoulder.

A bond formed when they end up talking to one another often, whether it’ll be for their interests or school-related. It felt natural that their friendship would bloom into something more. And bloom it did. 

Silver values his boyfriend close to how he value Lord Malleus and his family. His partner doesn’t mind if he ends up sleeping mid-conversation, he lets Silver sleep on his lap most of the time. Silver felt like the luckiest man in the world to be able to call (y/n) his boyfriend. 

Which is why he’s not pleased with this particular situation...

(y/n) didn’t agree on becoming a suitor for Eliza, though came along anyway as he’s curious what’ll happen. When all of her suitors have been slapped in rejection, Eliza suddenly pointed at him.

“You...!” 

He thought she was pointing at someone else nearby. Though when he pointed at himself in question, Eliza nodded, “...me?” 

Hearts seems to have formed in her eyes as she instantly bolted right to (y/n), wrapping her arm around him. “...are more perfect for me to wed!”

Everyone burst into a loud “Hah?!”

Eliza swiped a tear from her eye, the question of ghosts having tears in the first place becoming a question of its own. “A charming smile, a handsome face, lips that makes me want to kiss you. Yes, I’ll be your bride....!”

(y/n) stuttered for a moment, not being able to comprehend what’s happening. “w-wait, I’m not your suitor. I already have a--”

Eliza shushed (y/n) with her finger, “don’t worry, hubby. I’ll save you from your loveless marriage!” She seems to emphasized the word ‘loveless’.

Feeling offended, (y/n) defended his perfectly healthy relationship with the sleepy boy. “It’s not loveless! I’m sorry, but I don't want to marry--” he’s once again cut off by Eliza’s enthusiasm.

“Come now! Let’s start preparing our wedding!” she exclaimed in pure excitement, dragging (y/n) along with her. (y/n)’s body couldn’t move, he wanted to protest, and maybe run away to Diasomnia to look for his partner. 

“Tell Silver I didn’t have a right in this, I swear I still love him...!” the doors shut behind Eliza and her ‘fiancé’, leaving the NRC students in silence.

“So...” Yuu started, “who’s going to tell Silver?”

Everyone turned their head towards the prefect, who sighed tiredly. Sadly the prefect is used to doing the chores around this school...

--------------

That's the story on why Silver is currently standing besides Lord Malleus with an unreadable expression. Since Lilia and Sebek were slapped and taken to Eliza's marriage, he's the last person to guard Malleus; meaning he couldn't save (y/n) from the forced marriage.

Even with Silver's calm nature, he felt bitter at the word 'marriage'. He knows that (y/n) wouldn't leave him for the Ghost Bride, but his boyfriend being in constant danger as marrying Eliza means death? He doesn't like it at all, Silver not being able to do anything either makes him more uneasy.

It's been awhile since Yuu and Crowley announced (y/n)'s unconsented engagement. Though every minute passing feels like a year.

Even Malleus took notice how his guard is different than usual, "don't be so stubborn. I don't need protection, go and save your lover."

"(y/n) is strong enough to handle it without me," ah yes, 'coping' as Lilia calls it; a term used a lot these days. He wants to go to Eliza and take (y/n) back into his arms, but fate says otherwise since it would mean leaving Lord Malleus without a guard.

He just needed to believe in (y/n); he's strong, he’s capable. As incapable Crowley might seem, he should've been able to make a plan to save him.

It's all going to be alrig--

The door to Diasomnia opened, revealing (y/n) sweating and panting heavily. He's wearing a black tuxedo, hair styled as if a professional had done it. Unfortunately the fancy attire is messy, so is his hair.

"You... you won't believe the bullshit I just went through," he panted.

Though the loud voice of a certain guard can be heard shortly after. "Human...! How dare you say such foul words in front of the Young Lord!" Sebek scolded (y/n), it's almost magical how he doesn't feel tired from running. 

Silver sighed in relief. The confirmation that his dearest is safe bringing him comfort. Though he did have to see and hear Sebek scolding his boyfriend for the 26th time.

--------------------

“...then she ends up marrying one of her subordinates,” (y/n) recounted everything that happened today. Silver sleeping comfortably on his lap, eyes already closed even if he’s not done with the story.

(y/n) couldn’t help but smile as Silver slept comfortably. As calm as Silver is, he couldn’t help but wonder if he panicked when (y/n) was taken by Eliza. The boy’s hand found itself in Silver’s white locks; combing through the soft hair. 

After Sebek’s scolding about ‘foul languages’, (y/n) and his partner find themselves in Silver’s room; resting after the events that just ended. 

It surprised him when Silver suddenly caught his hand, though the guard doesn’t seem awake yet since all he did is lean against (y/n) closer whilst holding his arm close. 

(y/n) felt like his heart is about to explode, even the simplest actions from Silver could make the poor boy so flustered. 

--------------------------

[lovelessrage]

for the ask game:

#4 what is something you wish was more well known about being arospec?

#8 what are some of your favorite arospec characters? this can include characters from popular media or OCs.

#4: I think in general I wish more was known about the sheer variety. Aroallos, aroaces, non-sam aros, everybody who doesn't fit cleanly into any of the above. This includes aplatonic, afamilial, loveless, and heartless aros who are often left out of mainstream conversations on the arospec [even in online circles as well sometimes]. We are a very large community, so it's very hard to capture all that variety in one post. But, we can at least let people know what's out there, yknow?

#8: I don't watch a lot of the shows that have canonical aros in them; they're often not my genre. So, generally, my favourite arospec are my own characters. Here's a handful [I do have way, way more, but these are some favourites]:

Rifleman [he/him], a god of death and art. Aroallo; had one past partner named Elgar who he did not reciprocate romantic feelings for but had a fwb style relationship with. A lot of their relationship is making things work and coming to terms with the differing feelings coming from either side. They have one son, Victory [Victory is also aspec, just not arospec].

Jasper [any pronouns] and King [they/it], both Gym Leader OCs, being Dark and Poison respectively. They are siblings and the main protagonists of the plot, with their tendency to go digging around exactly where they are advised not to leading to them catching onto something being off before anyone else. Jasper is aroace, while King is a non-sam aro.

Buddy [he/she], an anthro porcupine who is a loveless aro. Buddy is generally neutral to most attractions and disinterested in all of them, content to hang around people but not stay long. Stays wherever she isn't kicked out of. Has people he likes to crash with, but not really any people Buddy would call 'friend' [w/no interest in doing so either].

O'Leary [mirror pronouns] is an alien creatyre that requires too much OC lore to explain further. It is loveless aro and my favourite loveless aro I have because it could not care less about anything or any of the people it works with beyond a "i don't actively wish misfortune on you". As soon as the plot is done it isn't doing any found family, it is getting OUT of there, goodbye, see you never. A thing of beauty to my loveless heart and to nobody else. [Disclaimer: would not recommend loving people writing your loveless characters like this without some serious sensitivity reading. This is called Indulging Myself with a character that is living my dream]

[severusish]

Snape Asks response 1

I received a question from @utterlybyrone, regarding @bloatsome’s Snape Ask list. And I shall answer it!

The ask from Anon was: “I have so many Snape Asks I'd like to see you answer, but let's start with those: 10., 17., 50.”

So let’s do this. (just in case, T/W: mentions of ab*se, b*llying, tr*uma, t*rture). 

10. Do you think Snape’s character has changed the way you think/feel about others?

Yes. Maybe not changed, but contributed to the way I think. Why? In my view Severus can teach us that a little kindness and good listening from others (and from you), as well as remorse and forgiveness, can go a really long way when it comes to making you a better person and keeping you from going down a dark path in life. Snape’s character inspired me to read books such as On Being Nice, and You’re Not Listening, and The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read. There are a lot of lessons on the consequences of tr*uma and b*llying that Snape’s character can teach readers. I know that Snaters tend to say “okay but what about poisoning Trevor the Toad,” and “what about his treatment of Neville,” and also “ew why was he so obsessed with Lily,” and “why did he choose Lily over Harry and James.” But if you look past those arguments and you just analyse what happened to Severus as a character, you start to see the extent to which his upbringing and life in general were just sh*t. I mean to start off, he grew up in an almost loveless household (Eileen clearly cared for him but couldn’t do so as freely as she would have liked) with a definitely not very nice father, and a mother who was also a v*ctim in that regard. And sadly, that is the case for so many people in the world, which is heartbreaking in itself, because a lot of what is in Snape’s upbringing is the reality for many people. It’s terrible. But to make things even worse, when Snape finally went to a place where he was special and his magic (i.e. skills and abilities) had value in the community, he ended up getting chased around by a bunch of b*llies and made fun of for his looks, and physically hurt, and called names, etc. His complex and difficult past and his feeling of being an outcast made him make even worse choices in the end (i.e. joining the Death Eaters out of spite and desperation). And teenagers say terrible things when they’re humiliated or hurt, which explains why he called Lily that word (it doesn’t justify it, but it explains it). I think his character mainly just taught me that you never know what kind of crap someone is dealing with in their life, and that you should treat them with understanding as far as it’s possible (and within reason). Because in the end it could change their life. I think also it made me focus even harder on how I interact with shy/timid/socially anxious people (because Snape gives me very much ‘I don’t like social situations’ vibes). I think it’s important to help people feel safe around you. I think Snape didn’t have much of that in his life; instead he had a lot of betrayal and got teased for finding social situations difficult. Also, Snape shows, at least for me, how loyalty (as long as it’s not obsession) is a really powerful trait in life, and it makes people trust you more. Sticking to your commitments is important in life and it’s really hard to find truly loyal people these days, who you can count on to be there for you, who don’t ghost you and aren’t flakes. People with attention spans whose eyes don’t glaze over when they should be listening to you. I think Snape taught me to look for ‘commitment' as a trait in other people. Those are my thoughts.

17. Do you think Snape was unhappy even after joining the DEs?

Absolutely. If we consider that Severus’s motivations were misplaced (he thought he’d have power by joining and instead he got pain on so many levels), and that the driving emotions he was experiencing at the time of initiation were hurt, humiliation, anger and desperation, then we can assume that the ride was rocky from the start. 

When he joined, he was looking for somewhere where he would have a circle of people like him, but in the end, he wasn’t like the DEs at all. He wasn’t a Pureblood fanatic or Pureblood agenda sympathizer, he was on the side of Muggleborns since the moment he met Lily and realized not all Muggleborns were like his father. But as a Halfblood, he didn’t belong with the Death Eaters. He probably lived in fear that someone he didn’t want ‘in the know’ would find out his blood status. I doubt that he ever felt secure in his position of favor with Lord Moldy-Shorts, either. 

Also, can we address Occlumency? I would think that the guy would be blocking out any emotion, almost constantly, after joining the DEs. If you’re hanging out with people like Bella Lestrange and Pettigrew on a daily basis, you’d need to block out some stuff. But he’d realistically have to compartmentalize, either way. He’d lock ‘happy’ emotions in one box, safely away, for review at a later date. Any pain or nightmares or horrible experiences would go in another box. His mind would have to be constantly blank or filled with well-placed fake memories. 

Plus, I’m guessing nothing much was happening in his life that could be called “happy,” except when he became Draco’s godfather. 

Oh yeah, and the whole Betraying The Potters thing would probably have rained on his parade. We all know he was miserable after that. The guilt from that event alone, even if it was Pettigrew who betrayed their location to Voldy, stayed with Snape for the rest of his life. 

The DEs started out as his way to ‘get back at’ all the people who had done him wrong. They were also his shelter and refuge for a bit, or at least the Malfoys were. But it didn’t take long for his time at the DEs to go from a fleeting power trip to a really nightmarish existence. I don’t think he was happy, no.

50. Had Snape lived, would he continue teaching at Hogwarts?

Mmmmm this is tricky. Yes and no. 

Look at it this way: for the better part of a year, the guy was playing dress up as a Death Eater while also being Headmaster of a school (appointed illegitimately to the role by the leader of a t*rrorist club). In order not to blow his cover, he had to facilitate, or at least turn a blind eye to, the t*rture and punishment of his own students that he’d spent so many years protecting and teaching. 

Plus, Severus had to deal with the looks of betrayal from McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, Vector, and Pomfrey (and more) on a daily basis - people who, even if he wouldn’t necessarily call them friends, were at least civil with him in the past. And if he went back he’d doubt that any of them would ever really trust him again, even with his hero status and Order of Merlin - if we assume he’d get one if he lived.

So overall Hogwarts was the site where he got b*llied as a student, then it became the environment where he repeatedly was denied the position of DADA teacher and the place where he had to keep students from exploding themselves along with their cauldrons, then it became the place where he basically had to just let his students get hurt by DEs. (And sending students to Hagrid wasn’t enough. He should have done more. What he did was really bad.)

He wouldn’t go back to Hogwarts of his own volition, no. He’d feel completely wracked with guilt and unworthy to teach there after what he allowed to happen on his watch, Spy Cover or no Spy Cover. I think he’d only go back to teach if Hogwarts staff and students made it clear he was welcome. Even then, I doubt he’d accept. More likely he’d set up an apothecary or start a private apprenticeship or potions business.

That being said, Hogwarts tends to feel like home for everyone who went there. Maybe if he felt nostalgic enough, or had someone at Hogwarts waiting for him who made it worth it, he might go back. But otherwise I think his feelings of guilt and sense of honesty and honor would compel Severus to stay away.

Thank you to @utterlybyrone for the questions! Byeee! :)

[gamergirl929]

Maybe We Shouldn’t Get Married (Carli Lloyd x Reader)

Anonymous Request:  reader n carli have been engaged for awhile and it’s a few months before their wedding. carli neglects her relationship w/ r (like missing dates and having r fall asleep by herself) bc she continues to train so she can squash the talk of her retirement. This lasts for about a month until r finally says something about it, leading into a major argument where she gives her back the ring bc she doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage. 

You can feel tears welling up in your eyes as you twist the engagement ring on your finger, pulled out of your trance by someone clearing their throat.

“Would you like to order miss?” The waiter asks and you shake your head.

“It looks like my date isn’t showing up, I’ll just uhhh, pay for my drinks.”

The man nods, giving you a small remorseful smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” He smiles, leaving before you can deny his offer, leaving you with no choice but to accept.

You sigh sadly, grabbing your purse before you slowly make your way out of the restaurant, deciding against getting an Uber, instead walking to the house.

She’d promised.

She’d promised she promised she’d be there, and yet again she wasn’t.

Your heart ached in your chest, a pit forming in your stomach.

This had been going on for a number of months, Carli missing a date here and there, staying out late at the gym training to quell any and ALL rumors that she was retiring, but in that mission, she had been neglecting your relationship.

You had yet to voice your complaints, but you knew you had to, it was the aftermath of that conversation you were worried about.

                                                          ***

Tears in your eyes and an ache in your chest when your eyes flutter open the next morning, the sun peeking through the blinds.

Your hand rests on the empty side of the bed.

Cold.

She must’ve gotten up pretty early for the bed to feel so cold, if she even came to bed at all.

You close your eyes, attempting to swallow the lump in your throat.

You were watching your relationship crumble before your very eyes, helpless to the fact that a rift had started to form between the two of you, a rift that Carli had created.

You turn your head, your eyes falling to the engagement ring on the night stand beside you.

Were you REALLY ready to get married to someone who would so willingly neglect your relationship?

Were you REALLY ready to marry Carli Lloyd?

Was she REALLY ready to marry YOU?

Your mind was racing, racing with thoughts you would rather not entertain, but still, they were creeping in.

As per usual, when those thoughts creep in, you grab your phone, calling the first person who comes to mind, Julie Ertz.

                                                          ***

After your conversation with Julie, you know now, more than ever that you can’t keep your feelings inside anymore.

You HAD to talk to Carli, no matter the outcome, you couldn’t keep hiding in secret, you had to tell her how you felt, no matter what.

That ‘what’ brought you a sense of ire, it wasn’t YOUR fault that things had come to this, YOU weren’t the one who tore a rift between the two of you, YOU weren’t the one who neglected your relationship for work, YOU weren’t the one who let rumors of retirement get to you.

You take a deep breath, trying to get a level head, trying to keep your emotions in check, but you couldn’t do it any longer, you couldn’t act like nothing was wrong.

Carli had to come home eventually.

That was when you would confront her.

That was when you would tell her you couldn’t take her neglecting your relationship anymore.

                                                          ***

The second the front door opened you were on your feet, crossing your arms across your chest.

Carli sends you a soft smile.

“Hey.” She smiles, making her way towards you, reaching for you, the woman’s brows furrowing when you take a step back.

“What’s-

You scoff.

Screw keeping a level head.

“Are you really about to ask what’s wrong?” You ask, the veteran forward’s eyes widening.

“I-

You shake your head, your eyes welling with tears.

“You really haven’t noticed?” You whisper in disbelief.

“Y/N-

You take another step back.

“You can’t even call me to cancel dates anymore, I’m tired of waiters looking at me in pity. Fuck, you don’t even come to bed anymore!” You cry, Carli’s mouth agape, her brown orbs narrowing.

“Y/N, you know I have to make the roster, I can’t let people think I’m retiring-

You let out a humorless laugh.

“THAT’S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT!” You scream loudly, Carli taken aback by your outburst.

“Y/N you know how important this is to me...” She frowns.

You look at her in shock, shaking your head.

“When did work become more important than us?” You whisper, Carli’s gaze falling to the floor.

You swallow hard.

“Would you even notice if I was gone?” You ask, Carli advancing on you quickly, cupping your cheeks.

“Of course, I would-

You jerk out of her hold, the woman’s eyes filling with tears as you look down at your ring, spinning it on your finger before you pull it off, handing it to the woman who stares at you in shock, her complete and utter heart break reflected in her brown orbs.

“Y/N, please don’t do this.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t get married...” You shake your head. “I can’t marry someone who puts their work before me... I can’t be in a loveless marriage.”

Carli is stock still as you pack a bag, the woman staring at the ring in the palm of her hand.

You finish packing, rushing past the woman who’s still staring at the ring in her hand, tears streaming down her cheeks.

You stop at the front door, glancing at your fiancé, or was it, ex-fiancé, over your shoulder.

“I think you need time to figure out what’s more important in your life... I can’t be your second choice.”

Carli can only watch as the front door slams shut, the woman’s mouth agape.

She’s pulled from her shock moments later she’s sprinting towards the front door, jerking it open just in time to see you pulling out of the driveway, your car rolling down the street, your tail lights growing smaller and smaller until they’re eventually out of sight.

Carli drops to her knees.

“What have I done?”

                                                          ***

The second your knuckles make contact with the door, it’s jerked open, Julie Ertz practically throwing herself at you, her arms wrapping around your neck as you bury your face in her chest, a sob pushing its way passed your parted lips.

“Shhhh.” Julie shushes, a gentle hand running down your back. “It’s going to be alright; I’ve got you.”

“I think it’s over JJ, I think we’re done I ju-

“Come on, you need rest sweetie, we’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?” She whispers in your ear.

You’re not sure HOW you end up in the guest bedroom, but you do, Julie at your side until you eventually fall asleep.

The blonde smiles sadly down at your sleeping form, the woman pulling the covers up over you before she moves to her feet.

Just as she’s about to shut the door behind her, Zach makes his way down the hallway.

“Plus one at breakfast tomorrow?” He asks, Julie pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, nodding.

“Maybe for longer than just tomorrow.”

He smiles.

“Well, good thing I always make too many pancakes.”

                                                          ***

Carli sits on the practice field’s bleachers, her brown orbs locked on the ring in the middle of her palm, a ring she had yet to let go of. 

“What happened between you and Y/N?!”

Carli jumps, turning abruptly towards the source of the voice, her eyes widening.

“What are you guys doing here?”

Megan crosses her arms across her chest, the woman glancing at Ashlyn, the blonde turning to Ali, who turns to Alex, Alex turning to Crystal who turns to the last member of their group, Sam, at least that’s what Carli thinks, because soon after the thought leaves her mind Allie, Adrianna, and Morgan join the group.

“You know why we’re here.” The aforementioned woman says as she crosses her arms across her chest.

Carli swallows hard, knowing full well by the look on each and every one of their faces that she’s about to get a verbal thrashing.

“Julie called.” Crystal’s eyes narrow, Carli heart clenching in her chest at the thought of you showing up to Julie Ertz’s home with your bags.

“I-

“Don’t talk, just listen.” Adrianna says, rather sternly, turning to Megan.

“What the hell are you thinking!?” The purple haired woman yells, the veteran forward swallowing hard as she clenches her fist around your engagement ring.

“I-

“Just listen.” Morgan puts an index finger to her own lips.

Carli nods, her lips forming at tight line.

“Y/N loves you Lloyd, and you’re screwing it up.” Allie huffs, the forward’s eyes downcast, staring at her cleats, cleats that had been almost glued to her feet for the entirety of the off season.

“We KNOW how sensitive the topic of retirement is for you, but you’re letting it ruin your relationship, if you even have that anymore.” Ashlyn shakes her head.

Carli’s head jerks up, her brown orbs filling with tears at the thought of losing you.

Ali place a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“You need to put her first.” She smiles softly.

“We ALL know how stressful the world of women’s soccer can be, but you can’t let that world ruin what you and Y/N have.”

Carli nods, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat, the prospect of losing you making her feel sick.

“Yeah, so get your head out of your ass Lloyd.” Ashlyn huffs, everyone turning to her with narrowed eyes.

Megan snorts.

“Hey, she’s right, go get her Lloyd, unless your career is more important than her.”

Carli’s bottom lip trembles.

“I can’t lose her.”

Alex makes her way towards her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Marriage isn’t easy...” Alex starts, Ashlyn wrapping an arm around Carli while Ali cups her cheeks, making the woman look her in the eye.

“But it’s worth fighting for.”

                                                          ***

Julie and Zach Ertz had been NOTHING but welcoming.

Zach was of course, a gigantic teddy bear, the man doing any and everything he could to make you smile, something you would be FOREVER grateful for.

Julie of course was exactly the same, it was seeing their dynamic that made you completely understand what the term ‘the perfect couple,’ meant.

The two complemented one another in a way you couldn’t imagine unless you saw it in person.

The sound of a ringing doorbell pulls you out of your trance, Julie and Zach sharing a glance, the man smiling.

“Must be the pizzaaaaa!” He sings, doing a silly dance as he makes his way to the front door.

You shake your head as Julie giggles.

“I like him, he’s a keeper.” You snort and Julie grins.

“I like him too.” She winks.

Zach comes back, moments later, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Well, it wasn’t pizza...”

Your eyes widen when Carli Lloyd steps into view, the woman’s brown orbs locking on you.

You swallow hard, averting your gaze.

“We were just..” Julie starts and Zach nods.

“Ye-Yeah, over there.”

Suddenly you’re alone in the Ertz’s kitchen with Carli Lloyd, the woman approaching you nervously.

“Y/N...” She starts, swallowing hard as the two of you come face to face for the first time in over a week.

You long to take her hand, but still, the ache of apprehension keeps you from doing so, the thought of long and lonely nights in bed, the ache in your heart when she didn’t show up for a date.

Carli clears her throat, stilling.

“There’s nothing I can ever say to make up for what I’ve done...” She swallows hard, her gaze dropping to the tiled floor beneath her feet.

You’re not used to seeing Carli Lloyd so vulnerable, not used to seeing this side of her, seeing her so emotionally bare.

Carli shakes her head, your eyes widening when you see a tear rolling down her cheek, followed by another, and another, soon they’re cascading down her face.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I never meant to put soccer before you, because nothing could ever compare to you, nothing could ever be as important as you are to me.” She sniffles.

“I let the rumors get the best of me and I wanted to any and everything I can do silence the doubters, but all I did was break the heart of the woman I love.”

Carli makes her way towards you, cupping your cheeks, your hands moving to cover hers.

You open your mouth to speak, but Carli simply shakes her head.

“No Y/N, you deserve more than that.”

Carli’s eyes slam shut, the woman further shaking her head.

“I just got so caught up in the rumors that I forgot what mattered most, you matter the most to me, YOU.” She leans in, her forehead resting against yours.

“I would give up everything for you.” She whispers. “Even soccer.”

You cup her cheeks.

“I would NEVER ask you to give up something you love.”

Carli chuckles humorlessly.

“I almost lost the most important person in my life, the person I love more than anything in the world... I won’t let ANYTHING get in the way of that. Of us...” Carli swallows hard.

“If you’ll still have me.”

Carli pulls back, lowering herself to the floor, getting down on one knee, your engagement ring between her thumb and index finger.

                                                          ***

The crowd cheers as you hide your face in Carli’s neck.

“And that’s how Carli REPROPOSED in my kitchen...” Julie says into the mic, your teammates cheering along with the rest of your wedding party.

“OUR KITCHEN.” Zach yells from the crowd and you snort.

“Fine, our kitchen.” Julie huffs.

You turn to your wife, the woman turning towards you with a grin as she leans in, your lips meeting in a tender, loving kiss.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Carli.”

[dirt-cup-draco]

Draco x Reader- At Last

I have a Draco x reader request. Post war time line. The reader was friends with the golden trio during their time at Hogwarts and since the war they’ve come to know and accept Draco as a friend as well. But the reader and Draco have trouble getting pregnant and their friends seemingly all get pregnant at the same time. Angst and fluff and eventually the reader and Draco finally are able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. Idk- something like that.

TW: Miscarriage, trouble getting pregnant, depression, mentions of violence?, a fight

Draco sighed, tossing his briefcase onto the couch as he slammed the door shut behind him. Work had been long. Granted, he had gone in early and left late. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be home, it had just been terribly bleak recently. There was no life to spice things up. 

“Y/N, I’m home,” He said lamely, shuffling into the kitchen after loosening his tie and kicking off his shoes. He was halfway through his leftovers when you waddled into the kitchen, eyes puffy and rimmed red. You sniffled and moved like a pale ghost past him, grabbing a cup to fill with water. 

“What’s wrong love?” Draco asked, sliding from his seat, hand going to your shoulder. The movements felt stiff. Awkward even. Since when had touching his wife left him feeling hollow? Since when had he stopped coming home and  sweeping you off your feet? Since when had you stopped singing around the kitchen, excited to try something new for dinner?

You simply rolled your eyes and shuffled back to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you with a finality he was getting used to. He let his hand fall to his side, fingers tightening into a fist as his jaw clenched. Draco let his eyes wander and with a startle he understood the source of your tears and melancholy.

Ginny and Harry were having a baby. Again. The letter was sitting open on the counter, the happy news mocking them. Not too long ago Ron and Hermione had had a child as well. They seemed to get pregnant like it was the easiest thing in the world. Yet you and Draco had been trying for years. To no avail of course. Even when you had gotten pregnant... Draco shook his head, stomach turning. He could still hear your broken cries as you screamed to the sky, asking why they had taken your baby from you, why didn’t you have the ability to hold this life full term. 

The miscarriage had destroyed you two for a while. You hadn’t left much, hadn’t eaten much. Draco had been given time off work and the entire ordeal had made you two closer. Temporarily it seemed. It had been quite a while since you two had gone out on a date, or really talked really. God knows he hadn’t made love to you in weeks. Not for lack of trying, he’d always pull you close after a long day, nipping at your neck and whispering things that used to drive you wild in your ear. You would just roll over and say, “Not tonight dear, I’m tired,” And that was that. 

He understood. Or, at least he tried to. You had seemed to have an instant connection with the life that had once been growing inside of you and it was like a part of you had been ripped from you and you hadn’t found that missing piece of you yet. He recognized you less and less every day. You were crumbling and he didn’t know how to reach out. Draco had gotten his hopes up too, of course he had, having a family with you was a dream to him.However, he felt like he couldn’t mourn as you did. 

You were the mother, the creator. He had just been the sperm donor. He had to pick up and go back to work and support you. Or at least, that’s what Draco had been telling himself. It was hard though. Sometimes he hid in the ministry bathroom, tears streaming down his cheeks and he thought of the daughter-or son- he would never get to meet. It was his child as much as yours. 

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Draco folded the letter from the Potters back up and hid it away. He was happy for his friends, truly, but neither of you had told them of your loss. They hadn’t even known Y/N was pregnant. It was difficult for her to go to her closest friends and tell them of the agony she was in when their stomachs were swelling with life, their families steadily growing. 

“Love? Can I come in?” He said hesitantly, knuckles wrapping gently against the door. 

A pause in muffled cries. The shuffling of feet. Then, the door swinging up. Your eyes were bloodshot, dark bags underneath. Your shoulders pulled down as if there were chains hidden beneath your skin, adding the weight of the world with every step you took. “It’s your room too Draco,” You said simply, turning away and returning to your bed. 

You tossed the covers over yourself, face turning into the pillow you had been crying into. The blinds were drawn. Your shared home truly had become lifeless. Had it become loveless too? Draco wondered as he sat next to you, hand falling to caress your hair but stopping as you tensed. It was all too much. 

“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” Draco finally choked out, lip trembling as tears burned behind his eyelids. It had been a year since you had lost your baby but every day had only seemed to get worse. He hadn’t known what to do then and he didn’t know what to do now. There had been a month or two where you had both emerged stronger, ready for the world again, but then the news came of your friends and how they were expanding their families at quite the pace and sorrow had started to take over the Malfoy house again. 

His sobs shook his shoulders as he took great, heaving breaths. Trying to keep his head above water. He couldn’t hold it in anymore as he buried his face in his hands, his elbows digging into his knees as your back as pressed against his as you kept hidden away. The sounds of Draco’s sobs brought you out from under the covers however, and with renewed tears in your eyes you set your hand on his shoulder watching as he froze. 

Then Draco was turning, arms wrapping around your waist that had never seemed quite so small. The hardships hadn’t ended since the war. You had one loss after another and you hadn’t been able to keep up. You were skeletal now, cheeks sunken and eyes sad. You hadn’t felt like yourself in ages. But you focused on your husband as he buried his face in your chest, nuzzling against the warmth and comfort there as his tears stained your sleep shirt. 

It seemed you weren’t the only one who hadn’t been coping. You hadn’t seen Draco cry since your school years when he had been on a mission to kill Dumbledore. Not even when you’d lost your baby. He had closed up after that. Taken care of you, but given you space when one day youd thrown a book at his head, screaming that he didn’t know your pain, he couldnt know your pain. 

“Oh god, Draco, darling, oh my love... I am the one who should be sorry,” You choked, fingers tangling in his hair and pressing him harder against you. “We’ve been hurting, alone, this entire time when we could have been doing it together. I never meant to push you so far away,” You continued as his body shook harder with renewed cries. 

“Please tell me you still love me,” Draco begged lifting his head. eyes sparkling silver with his tears. God you loved his eyes.

Your heart stuttered in your chest as you pressed your lips to his, desperately, reverently. “I will always love you,” You promised.

“E-even if it’s my fault we lost the baby?” He croaked.

“What? Draco- No! Why would you think it was your fault?” You begged for an answer. Had he been worried about this entire time?

“It has to be my fault... I’ve made so many mistakes Y/N... A-and now, we’re the only ones who can’t get pregnant. I must be cursed... I am a curse...” He muttered, folding in on himself, pulling away from your comfort. 

You wouldn’t let him though, pulling him tight against you, legs intertwined with his as you held his cheeks in your hands, thumbs brushing his tears away. 

“Don’t say such things... It isn’t your fault- or mine for that matter. We did nothing wrong Draco. The mistakes anyone has made in the past doesn’t dictate what their future is going to be like...” 

“B-but,” Draco stumbled, eyes wide, begging for some kind of explanation for why his baby would be taken from him and his beautiful wife. He wanted something, someone, to blame, even if that was himself. 

“No buts... It isn’t your fault,” You pleaded with him, lips chasing his in an effort to ease his pain. “W-we need to let go of them, we need to move on,” 

“I cant!” Draco said, appalled. 

“I didn’t say forget... just move on. We can’t keep killing ourselves over this and I am so sorry I didn’t realize that sooner... I never meant to cause you such pain,” You sniffled as Draco nuzzled his forehead against yours in a sign of trust and understanding. 

“I’ll never forget, but if you’ll be beside me, I am ready to move on, and maybe once we are ready, try again,” Draco said, eyes searching yours as you let a smile slip onto your features. 

“I promise from now on it’s us against the world, not us against each other,” 

Draco let himself breathe a little bit easier, the tears drying on his cheeks as you brushed feather light kisses over the bridge of his nose. His arms tightened around you and you sighed a happy sigh, face going to the crook of his neck. You held each other and let all the days wash over you, letting it cleanse you instead of drown you. 

With Draco nestled against you, you could find peace at last. 

[inkribbon796]

Like a House of Cards Ch. 10: To Go Forward, Sometimes you Have to go Backwards

Summary: Mistakes happen when you mess around with magical objects.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Brody walked down to the parking lot after the Sides and the Androids had gone up to talk about the plan and safety measures.

Glitch Logan was running diagnostics on the completed machine so Brody was left in silence for a bit.

So it left the hitman with his thoughts. Which wasn’t always a good thing. He took out his wallet to look at a picture. It was the only professional picture he had of the twins.

His Dark — Brody’s Dark — was sitting in a chair with their little twin sons seated in his lap. The hitman was standing behind them. Dark was the only one of the four without a huge smile, his smile a bit more subdued.

The sight brought a sad sight deep from Brody’s face. Another family was being ripped out from under him. Just when things were starting to get good again.

At the sound of footsteps, Brody quickly pocketed his wallet and turned to see, to his relief, his head saw Glitch Logan watching him. His nanite body visible.

Glitch Logan looked at Brody, “You didn’t tell him.”

“A’course[1] not,” Brody scoffed, and put his wallet away. “Bubblegum fooker is takin’ Dark from me, I’m not gonna help him take my twins too.”[2]

Glitch Logan was quiet, which just let Brody go off on a tirade, “I shouldn’t have ta sacrifice one set ‘a my kids fer the other. I wanted T.B, Lils, and Paddy ta be alive an’ safe but I shouldn’t have ta let the Twins not exist ta cause it. An’ I shouldn’t have ta let my kids die ta get the Twins.”[3]

“Your logic is not flawed,” Glitch Logan agreed. “Unfortunately that does not seem to be the situation we have found ourselves in.”

“Fook!”[4] Brody shouted.

“There a problem?” Nestor came down with the rest of the group they needed. Silver, Jackie, Dark, and Wilford had accompanied the time travelers and their past doubles.

“No,” Brody scoffed, glaring at Wilford. “Obviously not.”

Janus was walking down with Roman. The creative Side not wanting to be far from Logan.

“Head back upstairs,” Glitch Logan told them. “This will be a quick procedure.”

“As if we trust you,” Roman rolled his eyes.

“I don’t care if you trust me, I care if you’re safe,” Glitch Logan spat.

“We’ll stay until the transfer starts,” Janus told him. “To make sure you don’t do anything to him.”

The young glitch demon smiled, “I don’t need any of that anymore.”

“Did you do anything to him?” Roman demanded.

“I have only been here for a minute or two, I am fine,” Logan reassured.

Everyone was having their little eleventh hour conversations. Jackie walked up to Diamonds who was signing with J.J.

“Got a question, before I head up,” Jackie asked Diamonds, gesturing to his own throat. “If yeh[5] don’t mind me askin’[6].”

“Not at all,” Diamonds smiled, his voice crackled a bit. “Logan, Google, and Mortician made this for me. It’s a voice box that transmits signals from my brain to the box. It does have to be replaced every few months because my magic destroys it, but it was quite a nice gift.”

“Yeah,” Jackie smiled.

As Jackie was talking to J.J, Brody walked over to Chase.

“I hope yeh[5] don’t remember anythin’[7] I know,” Brody told Chase. “If my world an’ my family is gonna crash down around me, then I don’t wanna remember it.”[8]

Chase was just staring at him, “Me too.”

Brody turned to glare at Wil, “Take care ‘a him, or else I will find some way ta make yeh pay fer it.”[9]

“I will,” Wilford promised but it was clear Brody didn’t believe it.

Then he turned to look at Dark, his expression softer, “Yeh deserve the world, yeh really do an’ when yeh see the Actor, punch him fer me. ‘Cause I won’t be there ta do it.”[9]

“I don’t need to be convinced to hit him more than once,” Dark hissed.

Suddenly the core of the machine began to glow sharply and everyone had a moment’s notice before pain ripped through the people in the middle of the room and a crack shot down the room. Dark, Wil, the Sides, Diamonds, and J.J to one side, and everyone else to the other. A white light engulfed the room.

When the light cleared Silver was standing in a grassy field with Jackie, Ethan, Brody, Chase, and just the Host. The second Host and Nestor were missing.

“I feel weird,” Ethan was patting his chest. “I feel really pissed and angry and I don’t know why.”

“What Ethan is from the transfer, if he is lucky then it will soon fade.” The Host began to run out of the field, “The Host, Brody, and the heroes need to find a time rift out of this point in time quickly.”

“Why, where are we?” Mark asked, picking up Ethan and following him as the rest of the group followed the Host as well.

Coming to a halt, the Host turned to look at them. “Dark is not with the group so the heroes should rid themselves out of their outfits, they will stand out.”

“What is goin’[10] on?” Chase demanded.

“The Host and his allies are in the year 1963, and today is the day that the Entity and the Madman meet again. They will become allies and take over the city within a matter of weeks. By the end of the month the city will become a completely different creature and will be irreversibly driven down the path that will cause the creations of the heroes that fight against both of them.”

“What?” Brody shouted. “How’d we all get thrown back? Where are the others?”

“They have the Anomaly, so we need to find our current Anomaly and use that to get to where Dark and the others are,” the Host explained as everyone started switching into their civilian clothes. “The other heroes and villains were pushed into a different reality and the two groups must regroup.”

With their outfits a touch more casual, the group tried to look like they weren’t time travelers or aliens.

Ethan had to stop a couple times to catch his breath and not have a panic attack. Because he felt like someone had emotionally set him on fire and he wanted to stay next to Mark or Séan the whole time and only started to feel like he was going back to normal by the time the Host took them through a building where Mark heard a rather familiar voice. It was Dark’s and Wil’s voices. Mark could smell the odor of blood and rot in the air. As if Dark had been killing with his aura.

As the crew snuck through the building, Mark froze to listen in. They were so close. Dark wasn’t as powerful, he wasn’t prepared. He could—

“Wil, she’s sleeping,” Dark grumbled, his voice sounding almost as if it hadn’t been used in some time.

“Oh good, good,” Wil decided. Some of his words were hard to understand but suddenly Wil yelled, “I’ve got a great idea, we’re gonna make a TV show.”

Dark was quiet for a long time and Mark wished he could see his face. But he lingered long enough to hear the future mob boss sigh in frustrated indulgence, “Okay.”

A light clapping reached Mark’s ears, “Excellent, Dames, we can talk details at this lovely little diner it’s got—”

At this point, their voices began to get farther away, and the Host cleared his throat so Mark raced away from the door and into an alley.

“Silver and Jackie will accompany the Host into the next building to get the Anomaly, all others should remain up here.”

“Okay, okay, let’s go,” Séan agreed and the Host used his aura to help them break into the apartment building. But since it was set into the hill there were three flights of stairs connecting them to the ground floor and the Host was practically flying down the stairs, his aura helping him navigate the steps and get down safely. Then he took them down the hall to a room where there was a huge magical sigil on the ground and a magic standing in a red tux with black eyes, and a wailing infant cradled in his hands.

It was the Actor, on the eve of another great story.

“There you are,” Marc smiled as the little squirming and crying bundle. “You’ll make a wonderful addition to our story, won’t you?”

Then the door was ripped open and the Host was there. Marc and the baby both startled. “The hell?”

Now that Marc was distracted the Anomaly he’d been working with had nowhere else to put its magic so it ripped open another rift in time. Another point decades in the future but not quite the time that the Host and the others had come from.

Séan had been racing down the hallway and then tripped on a carpet. So he slammed right into the Actor who dropped the baby right into the time rift that immediately closed shut.

“No!” The Actor shouted. “That was my fucking son!”

“Yikes! Host can we get the kid back?” Séan demanded. “Where’d he go?”

The Host’s aura forced a portal around the Actor and he was gone, the box that housed the Anomaly glitched and the Seer grabbed the box and began to sprint out of the room.

He opened the box and quickly pulled out a bracelet, holding the box with his aura as he ran, “the Host and the heroes must go now. Before the Actor returns. They do not have long but they cannot face him now. They do not have the power nor space to be able to do so.”

“Who was that?” Mark asked, following the Host as Séan ran alongside Mark and they headed back up the stairs.

“The archnemesis to the Entity,” the Host told him. “The child he had would have been used as leverage against the Entity. But now he is in somewhat safer hands and will eventually live under the Entity and the Madman’s care. You have actually just saved him from a loveless environment.”

“Was that one ‘a yer brothers?”[11] Séan asked. “Yeh have what? Five ‘a ‘em?”[12]

The Host leaned over the banister to look down at them,  “The Host also has a sister.”

“Yeah, but yeh an’ that guy hinted that was a boy,”[13] Jackie stalled.

“Yes, and it is true that the infant was one of the Entity and the Madman’s sons, but the Host likes to include his sister when he can.” The Host gave them a huge smile before starting to dart back up the stairs.

Séan and Mark smiled at each other before following the Host back out of the apartment and into daylight where Chase and Brody were still waiting with Ethan.

“You guys got it?” Ethan asked.

“Time Anomaly scored,” Séan snapped his fingers over in the Host’s direction. “Let’s go home.”

The Host motioned for everyone to pull in together. “The heroes still have to locate the second group. They were pushed into a separate dimension and cannot be left there.”

“We get it, we’re pressed for time,” Mark agreed. “How do we do this?”

“The Host will start up the transfer,” the Host offered as everyone gathered in close. “Six will start the transfer but only five will move through.”

“Do I have time ta[14] say a couple words?” Brody asked.

“Yes, but Brody does not have long,” the Host warned.

“Fine,” Brody agreed before walking over to Chase.

“Look out fer[15] him okay,” Brody asked Chase. “Yeh don’t have ta like him, but just make sure Wil doesn’t take advantage ‘a him. He means e’erythin’ ta me.”[16]

“I can’t promise I’ll be good at it, but I’ll try,” Chase promised.

“Thanks,” Brody smiled sadly, taking out his wallet to look at the picture one last time. The world seemed to fold in on itself around them as a blinding white light came from the Host and engulfed the group. “That’s all I need.”

With a roaring in everyone’s ears the past and future of two different timelines compressed a little tighter before the hole in space and time flexed again and the Host sent them to find the others that had been separated from them.

After the flash of blinding light faded, they were standing in the same back alley. The streets were right but the feel in the air was wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations

1. Of course

2. Bubblegum fucker is taking Dark from me, I’m not going to help him take my twins too.

3. I shouldn’t have to sacrifice one set of my kids for the other. I wanted T.B, Lils, and Paddy to be alive and safe but I shouldn’t have to let the Twins not exist to cause it. And I shouldn’t have to let my kids die to get the Twins.

4. Fuck!

5. you

6. asking

7. anything

8. If my world and my family is going to crash down around me, then I don’t want to remember it

9. You deserve the world, you really do and when you see the Actor, punch him for me. Because I won’t be there to do it.

10. going to

11. Was that one of your brothers?

12. You have what? Five of them?

13. Yeah, but you and that guy hinted that was a boy

14. to

15. for

16. You don’t have to like him, but just make sure Wil doesn’t take advantage of him. He means everything to me.

[faebella-obscura]

Loveless III

     “Fancy meeting you here,” Yang said, sliding into the chair across the table from the princess.

     “You’re late,” she replied. Facing away from the man. Legs crossed and fingers drumming the rim of her cup. The pout on her face ruined with the brief glance she shot his way. “You must be pretty brave to make the princess wait.”

     “You’re about half right,” he joked. “No need to be brave when I know you’ll always forgive me.”

     “And why are you so sure?”

     “Because I’m very pretty.”

     “What?!” Her head whipped around to look at him, laughing in disbelief. Prompting him to grab her cup, taking a sip for himself. Returning her gaze with a smirk, widening into a crooked smile as he noticed the faint pink on her cheeks.

     “See? You’ve already stopped ignoring me.”

     “Come with me.”

     “W-what?!”

     To become what he was, Yang had to undergo a variety of training. Martial arts. Weaponry. Acrobatics. Acting. And seduction. And while the princess was a difficult case, she was also a girl who’d never had any sort of romantic experience. It took a while, Yang could tell her was getting there. The sparkle in her eyes. The slight flush on her face.

     “Come with me. When I leave. I want to show you my homeland. In Spring, the cherry blossoms fall from the trees like snow. I think you’d love it.”

     She looked down, biting her lip, thinking. Good. Just another push and he should have her hoo-

     “Genya, I can’t.”

     What? Yang nearly dropped the smile on his face. Why did she reject it? She’d always complained about palace life, so this opportunity to leave should be a dream to her!! But as he watched the princess, she was staring at the ground now, seemingly apprehensive about something, before turning back to him with a weak smile.

     “I’m a princess. Pretty sure that means I have to stay here. Even if all I can do is smile, wave and wait to be married off. If anyone would even want a shitty princess like me.”

     As she laughed it off, Yang could feel . . . something weird. Placing his face in one hand, he used the other to forcefully pet her head. Hard enough that she nearly fell over at the touch.

     “I think you’re a perfectly fine princess. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

     He watched her look down, probably to hide her face which he imagined it must be red. It was a habit he noticed of her. Never letting anyone see any genuine emotion on her face.

     “No one else seems to think so. I mean my fans love me, and of course they do. But I’d like to stop having everyone at the palace stop telling me to be more lady-like or quiet. I don’t see how being some submissive wife helps the kingdom, you know?”

     Yang pulled her close to him, staring forward rather than at her.

     “A princess’ only job is to act with her people at heart. So long as she does that, how or where doesn’t really matter. So I think you’re doing fine.”

     He could feel her shift against him, and looking down. The childish grin on her face prompting a perplexed look out of him as she laughed.

     “That was so cheesy!” she exclaimed. “So unlike you!”

     “W-well, I can be deep too, you know! Stop laughing.” he said, feigning embarrassment.

     But she continued to laugh, stopping momentarily to poke his cheek with a “Boop.” And for some reason, Yang had to look away, taking a moment to compose himself before peeking back at her.

     “So . . . You change your mind about going?”

     She went quiet again as he felt her shake her head against his chest.

     “I still think I need to be here. My brothers are such dumbasses, they’ll be lost without me.”

     He was still at first, as if thinking before jumping to his feet. Grabbing her hands, he pulled her with him, forcing themselves together in a stance reminiscent of a dance.

     “Then, I’ll just have to steal you away, don’t I?”

     And that last line seemed to do it he thought, staring at her bright red face. Soon he’ll be able to get her to take him to the crown prince. And then . . . he’d probably just go back home . . . Alone.

[blooming-atlas]

Under My Skin

Characters/Pairing: Black!Deputy/Jacob Seed

Plot: The Deputy and Jacob Seed have an unspoken arrangement where they meet up at her cabin to blow off steam. What started off as a loveless affair becomes something more for these two enemies. 

Rated: M for mature themes ( This is Jacob we’re talking about. The ultimate Daddy ). 

A/N: I’ve always liked the idea of Jacob and my Deputy meeting up for some good ol’ angry sex only to slowly start developing feelings for each other. Deputy realizes that she’s in too deep and wants out, but Jacob isn’t stopping their little tête-à-tête anytime soon. 

The hours that followed after Monica had once again tentatively accepted Jacob’s offer to stop by her cabin and show her a “good time” were a blur of lust and sex and fatigue, but a few moments were crystal clear. After her fourth climax she tried to squirm away from him, exhausted and overstimulated and unable to bear any more of whatever the hell he was doing to her. 

“Leave me alone,” she groaned tiredly, slapping at the big man’s hands as he drew her back to him, and he laughed.

Jacob fucking Seed actually laughed.

Monica stared up at the curve of his mouth, the flash of white teeth, by now expecting the way her stomach muscles clenched and the bottom fell away and she went rushing back down into the dark, forbidden pit of longing that he’d uncovered ever since he “released” her from his compound. 

For so long no other man had ever paid so much attention to her needs over his own, had made her body sing, as he did, with slow touches and hot kisses that made her toes curl and her dark skin shine with sweat. Orgasms, for her, had been what she faked with a man and provided herself when she was alone, and that had been partly her own choice because she couldn’t concentrate on providing the maximum pleasure for the sucker pawing at her if she was distracted by her own reactions.

Jacob had done to her what she usually did, taken over her role as the giver, focused on her needs and provided so much pleasure she felt absolutely drunk with satiation. He’d held back, stopping several times when he was on the verge of cumming, and the strain was finally showing. His red hair was damp with sweat, his face set in its trademark hard, focused expression; his piercing blue eyes glittered with an intent so hot her skin should have chilled as he looked at her.

Until he laughed, and for a snapshot in time Monica saw the usual hardened soldier relaxed and momentarily--very momentarily--unguarded...a shadow of the man he used to be.

He never kissed her on the mouth. He’d kissed practically every other place on her body, but not her mouth, and suddenly she wanted that more than she wanted anything else he’d done to her. Impulsively she reached out and touched his scarred face, her fingers tracing lightly along the hard line of his jaw, feeling the faint roughness of his beard and the heat of his skin. His red brows lifted slightly in question, as if her touch puzzled him. Their little arrangement was built on sex, hate, and anger...not this. 

And she wanted to kiss him.

Monica surrendered to the want, lifting herself and pressing her mouth to his.

For another of those frozen moment she felt him go as motionless as stone, as if he had to force himself not to pull away, and inside her chest something squeezed as she waited for him to reject her kiss and leave her cabin without a word.

But he didn’t, and tentatively she tilted her head to deepen the contact. His lips were chapped and warm; the heated scent of him filled her, called to her, yanked her from satiation to need. Jacob hadn’t opened his mouth for her and she craved that, but she was almost afraid to ask for more. She dared the smallest touch of her tongue to those hard lips.

Abruptly he was kissing her in return, wresting control from her and pressing her back onto the mattress, his heavy body covering her. He kissed her as if some primal beast in him had slipped from its cage and he wanted to devour her, his mouth hungry and cruelly demanding, his tongue wrestling with hers and forcing her into submission. Monica clung to him, arms and legs twined around him, and gave herself to the fire she’d help start.

An hour later, lying exhausted and half-asleep, she realized that they were nearing the end of their little affair and that at some point she was going to kill him...or he was going to kill her. That realization hurt her, somewhere deep inside where she let no one, not even her companions, touch. The way Jacob had kissed her emboldened her, let her reach out to rest her hand on his chest as he lay sprawled beside her. His heartbeat thudded fast and strong under her fingers and she flattened her hand over it as if she could hold that lump of flesh in the palm of her hand. “Do you think...do you think there’s any chance  to resolve this peacefully?” she asked, her voice soft and drowsy. “Get Joseph to stop?”

After a moment of silence, as if he weighed her reasons for asking, he said coldly, dismissively, “No. It’s too late to turn back now, baby girl. You and I both know how this will end.”

In silence she removed her hand from his chest and curled on her side. She wanted to straddle him and tease him, nag him, ask him if dragging out the war was necessary, but one of the rules she’d developed since she let him into her bed was not to push him, to always give him his space, and the action, or lack of it, was so deeply ingrained she couldn’t persist. Still, his lack of trust chilled her a little. She might feel as if some strange bond had been forged between them, but he evidently didn’t feel the same way. How could he? What had she expected? Jacob was a monster, pure and simple, and he stayed at the top of the food chain by being the perfect soldier. Joseph’s perfect soldier.

Some time later he lifted his head to look at the clock, and Monica did the same. Almost seven hours had passed.

“Again,” he said, his tone gone rough and deep as he moved over her, pushing her knees apart and settling on top of her, inside her. His muscles tightened, and a stifled groan rumbled in his throat, his chest. He shuddered as if being able to release his self-control was a pleasure so intense it bordered on pain.

Monica caught her breath at the power of his invasion. She was swollen and more than a little sore from everything he’d done to her, yet she didn’t want this to end. “You could sleep over,” she heard herself say, and cringed inside at the small note of pleading in her voice. What would Eli think if he found out she was screwing around with Jacob Seed? What would Pratt or Sharky or any of her friends say if the proud Deputy was pleading for the enemy to stay in her bed?

A stormy expression hardened his gaze. “I can’t do that,” he replied as he began thrusting long and deep. It was as if a dam had been breached, and the power that had been restrained suddenly rushed forward. All she could do was cling to him and try to weather the storm, offer him the same generous use of her body that he had given her--and be surprised, yet again, by a response she hadn’t thought herself capable of. Jacob stiffened and began cumming, groans tearing from his throat as he surged against her in a powerful rhythm. Monica locked her legs around his and arched upward, her own raw sounds of pleasure piercing the air as her climax chased his.

When their bodies stilled, he slid out of her and immediately rolled out of bed. “Is it all right if I use your shower?” he asked, walking towards the bathroom stark naked.

Monica searched for her voice and whispered, “Go ahead,” a useless permission because he’d already closed the door behind him.

She lay amid the tangled sheets, knowing she needed to get up but unable to put thought into action. Her body was heavy and limp, her eyelid dragging downwards with fatigue. Disjointed thoughts formed and disappeared. Everything had changed, and yet she wasn’t sure exactly how. Certainly their little arrangement was over, or almost over, and she needed to think about that, about what she should do. She no longer wished to kill him, and the thought was so new, so foreign to her, that she could scarcely take it in. There was still lingering traces of hatred and anger at what he did to her and others, but the thought of killing Jacob left a bad taste in her mouth.

‘Dear God what the hell am I thinking?’

He came out of the bathroom within ten minutes, his hair wet, his skin smelling of the soap she’d borrowed from Sharky. Silently he began dressing, his expression calm and remote, as if he were lost in thought. She watched him, drinking in every inch of him, waiting for him to look at her. What they had shared for the past several months had been so intense she almost couldn’t remember when she had felt like this, feelings of longing and desperation clouding her judgment like the Bliss. 

She waited, and still he was silent. She waited, certain that when he finished dressing he’d look at her and say...what? She didn’t know what she wanted him to say, only the pain was swelling in her chest again, a pain that threatened to suffocate her if she didn’t confront this...whatever this was.

She couldn’t keep this up any longer. She wanted more, she wanted the fighting in Hope County to stop, she wanted her life back, she wanted...God, she wanted this wreck of a man, so intensely she couldn’t let herself fully realize the breadth and depth of it. 

Jacob turned towards the door without saying anything and in a panic she bolted upright, clutching the sheet to her breasts. He couldn’t leave the same way he’d been doing for months, as if she meant nothing, as if she was nothing.

But neither could she let this twisted relationship drag on.

“W-we can’t do this anymore!” she blurted, choking back the humiliating burn of tears. “I don’t want to do this anymore!”

He paused with his hand on the doorknob, finally looking at her, his brows drawing together in a faint frown. “Why?” he asked in a sort of remote puzzlement, as if he couldn’t understand why she’d said something so outlandish. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Then he walked out and Monica sat motionless on the bed. He moved so silently she didn’t hear the cabin door open or shut, but she felt his absence, knew the exact moment he left.

Silence closed around her, profound and damning. There were things she needed to do, she realized, but actually doing them seemed beyond her. All she could do was sit there, barely breathing, considering the shambles her life had suddenly become. 

She was fucked. 

[punky-pinkhaired-hufflepuff]

What dose it matter? (Remus x reader x Severus?)

Back story time. You were in the same grade and year as Lily and James , Remus and Sirius, and none other then Severus Snape. While in school with them you were in the middle constantly. You were first friends with Severus and even as going far for the two of you to be a couple. Tho in reality it seemed Severus was only toying with your emotions in attempt to get over lily. But on the reverse side you were close friends with the infamous group of boys known as the marauders.

He often was angry and grumpy sometimes angsty snippy and Moody wich hurt a lot at times. And who did you run to, the marauders. Yes as much as the four of them loved to bully and pick on the one you held dear, they typically were there for you. Especially one in particular. Remus Lupin. Everyone joked that you should leave Severus for him. To that you would just laugh awkwardly because you felt it was kinda true. You and Remus had a lot more in common then you and Severus. And everytime Severus would be mean or cold to you Remus was there. Remus took you on countless late night walks to clear your mind. He would give you chocolate when you were extra sad, and his hugs were the absolute best thing in the world. You’d be lieing if you said you didn’t have at least a little bit of a crush on him.

Remus loved you, from the moment he laid eyes on you, sorting hat on your head, anxious look on your face, but then a look of pure happiness as you were sorted into (your house). As time went on you two grew closer. He was planning on asking you out sooner but Severus beat him to it. His heart broke. He didn’t hate Severus like his friends but didn’t think he deserved you or would treat you right. And when his prediction came true he was the first person to be there for you. It made picking on Severus easier for him because he now felt he deserved it for treating you poorly. Remus thought the world didn’t even deserve you, you were so pure and sweet and wonderful to him, he couldn’t get it, how someone so full of life, energy and happiness would even want to give him the time of day. It amazed him. But it was one of the things he loved most, you were unpredictable and kind to pretty much everyone. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes it all captivated him from the start.

One day however it got to much, Severus had been crule to you all day, brushing you off ignoring you, giving you snippy come backs and attitude to everything. And just as you had told him how hurt you had been feeling he told you he was busy and couldn’t talk. So you finally did it.

“I’m done Severus” you said as he was walking away from you down the hall. He stopped and turned around looking at you confused.

“it’s clear you don’t truly like me, and that I’m putting in all the effort here, and all I get back is attitude and coldness. I’m tired of it. I don’t even know why you wanted to go out with me in the first place. I think it’s best we stop this, stop the dating, stop the pretending we are a happy couple because we both know we’re not. I’m sorry I can’t be Lily. Goodbye Severus.” And with that you turned around quickly and ran off before he could say anything.

Tho as much as this might not have been what you wanted. You made Severus think to himself. Was it smart of him to use you that way, no not at all. The poor girl wanted a companion in him and all he did was hurt her. Sure it wasn’t her or his fault he was hung up on Lily. Even tho he should have taken it upon himself to build that bridge and get over it. He thought about possibly talking to you and apologiesing for how he’d been. He never realized how truly kind and wonderful you treated him. Even after how cold he could be.

You however where already in the presence of the four boys you called your friends. You sat with all of them in the Griffindor conman room, you sat in between Remus, and Sirius. As much as you didn’t want to cry over Severus it did hurt a little. They all cheered you on and said you did the right thing. The all even proposed you all go sneak out to get ice cream or something, something to help celebrate and to cheer you up. As you got up and began your adventure you noticed Remus wrapping his arms around your shoulder it was warm and conforting and he smelled nice so you didn’t mind at all. He smelled like cool spring air, old books, and chocolate obviously. The sent was sweet and wonderful and you didn’t even question the gesture now. You looked up at him and smiled.

“I thought this might help, let you know your not truly alone, and it seems pretty cold out” he said looking out the window.

“oh damn your right it seemed really cold on my way over here” you said looking out the window with him. You were looking up at the sky to the stars and he was looking out into the forest.

“do you have a jumper or anything?” He asked looking down at you rubbing your shoulder to warm you up.

“no” you pouted “I forgot it in my dorm” you said defeated he chuckled at how cute you were pouting like that.

“ah don’t worry you can use one of mine” he said ruffling the top of your head and heading into his dorm.

“are you sure Remus? I don’t want you to be cold” you called out. He came out a minute later smiling.

“nonsense I don’t want you to he cold and besides do you think I only own one jumper?” He said smiling and handing you the fuzzy jumper. You laughed realizing how silly that must have sounded and took it happily.

On your adventure you didn’t even noticed Remus holding your hand, the entire time. You didn’t mind it once you did noticed, his hand was soft yet still tough and it was warm. However before that you and him had a little bit of a flirty couple moment that didn’t go unnoticed and I’m not talking about the marauders. Severus went looking for you to apologise and caught you and the four boys sneaking out. He realised tattling on you would just make it seem like he was a jelouse sulking boy trying to get his ex girlfriend in trouble for breaking up with him. And he didn’t want that.

He fallowed you and the boys to your destination and watched the whole time without being noticed. He saw Remus holding your hand, and you wearing his jumper a mix of confusion and anger began to brew in him. He knew he still had feelings for Lily but he questioned if he was beginning to have feelings for you now. Also why was it that not a few hours ago you were his, not happily his but still his, and now here you are wrapped around Remus’s fingure. What really through him over the edge was when Remus and you began playfully fighting with each other trying to try the others ice cream. Laughing giggling being cute. Holding out your tongue lunging at each other, one false move and you two would be french kissing. However he was torn. You looked so happy smiling, giggling, he even saw a spark in your eyes. He had never noticed it before, or was it just never there until now. He felt hurt, he understood slightly that he kept you from being happy. The opposite of what one is suppose to do when in a romantic relationship. She didn’t deserve that Lily didn’t deserve that, no one would ever deserve to be put through Severus’s loveless personality. He turned back sadly.

Time went on, you all graduated. You all had your jobs your lives. You heard the news about Lily and James, and Sirius and Peter. You tried to keep in touch with Remus but it got hard. He was lost without them. He travled you travled. You never spoke to Severus after the day in the hall. He pretty much avoided you. You and Remus almost dated but lets be real here, almost only counts in horse shoes and hand gernades. However, a second chance was handed to you. Dumbledore had asked you to join an order, an order of protection for James and Lily’s son, Harry. He asked you to be a professor at the school. He assured you, you would be welcomed in with open arms and protected you would not be alone. You took the offer.

On your first day you were feeling confident. You were set to be a surprise for the other professors. Dumbledore kinda messed up and hadn’t found an actual class for you so instead made you a helper for all the other professors. You were niceley dressed (fav color) blouse and a black penciled skirt and (fav color) (heels or flats). You certainly looked far more professional then you used to. You entered the dinning hall as you heard Dumbledore introduce you as if this were an opening act.

Upon entering you noticed two particular men sitting with the professors, Severus Snape, and Remus Lupin. Both equally shoked by you, but Remus, Remus had only looked better with age, your heart did leaps and butterflies flittered in your stomach. You noticed a blush creep onto both his and Severus’s face. Severus looked annoyed and tired but still shocked. Not that you truly cared. You made your way twords the teachers table as Dumbledore continued to talk. Stating you would be moving around the school helping with any class that needed it. Rounding the table you noticed what seat was left for you,smack dab between Lupin and Severus. You smirked finding it uncanny. You waved to the students and took your seat.

“why hello there long time no see” Remus whispered smiling.

“and who’s fault is that” you giggled back.

“I believe both of ours my deer” he grinned. You giggled. It was true it takes two to tango and two to keep in touch.

“true true how ever will I make it up to you” you said over dramatically.

“how about dinner, just to catch up that is” he said jokingly with a wink. You blushed understanding his hint.

“sounds lovely” you said smiling back at him. You noticed next to you Severus becoming uneasy. He then got up and said he had some paperwork to grade and was off out of the dinning hall.

After that night you and Remus became extreamly close. You spent nights together in his professors apartment, went on plenty of dates, and even helped him through some full moon nights. You were so happy to have had a second chance with him. He was great things were great with you two. Even working at Hogwarts was pretty great. You helped out where ever you could tho you typically went and helped Remus the most. Severus usually denied your help, tho a couple of times you could see he was definitely lieing and over his head in work and thus forced your help upon him. Today was one of those days.

“Severus your dropping things all over the place please let me help you” you said rushing over to him sympathetic look painted on your face catching the ingredients for his various potions before they hit the floor.

“I told you I don’t need nor want your help” he said sternly.

“you may not want it but saying you don’t need it is bullshit” you said taking some more ingridients from his overflowing arms and hands. He sighed realizing there was no changing your mind on helping him. You smirked noting that you won. You walked with him back to his class room still carrying ingredients in your arms. You placed the ingridients on the table as he walked away twords his desk.

“thank you” he said quietly almost unable to be heard.

“what was that?” You asked making sure you heard correctly.

“I said thank you” he said sounding slightly annoyed

“no problem, anytime, it’s kinda my job ya know, typically your not suppose to denie my help but you do you” you said crossing your arms smiling, he rolled his eyes at you.

“well if that is all then you can be off now” he said turning and walking away. You were pretty tired of his attitude.

“is there a reason you hate me?” You asked crossing your arms.

“I beg your pardon?” He asked scoffing while sitting at his desk.

“you, Everytime you talk to me all I get is anger and venom and I want it to stop. Look I know we didn’t leave off on good terms bu-” you were cut off.

“didn’t leave off on good terms then you return making googly eyes at Lupin then proceed to bang his brains out” he said mocking you.

“first I’m not some slut I’m not banging his brains out, and what dose it matter to you who I’m dating?!” You yelled at him.

“because maybe I harbor feelings for you” he shouted back. “Maybe I’ve been harboring feelings for you since the day you left! You leaving made me realize what a miserable twat I was to you!” He snapped. You froze.

“What…” You whispered.

A/N: there will most likely be a part 2 possibly even a like choose your own part where there’s a lupin ending and a Severus ending not sure yet tho let me know what you tnink^^

[indieks]

One-Life Stand 💫 Jungkook [1 - END]

🛏 Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🛏 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🛏 Warnings : Great (or not...) return of suggestive 😏

🛏 Word count : 5.6k

🛏 Synopsis : Getting attracted to your long-time best friend, is something classical. Having a one-night stand with him though, is something alarming. While you get scared of your feelings and try to forget about it with the sake of your friendship as an excuse, Jeon Jungkook finally opens his eyes on his own and gets determined to turn this one-night thing into a real relationship.

 0.1 || 0.2 || 0.3 || 0.4 || 0.5 || 0.6 || 0.7 || 0.8 || 0.9 || 1 [END] 

  🛏 A/N : Wow, it’s actually 3 a.m. here in France but I still made it! This is the last part already… As an actual emotional girl I’m thanking you from the bottom of my melting chamallow heart, thank you for following me on these short series, my first including that much texts. I didn’t expect much but you gave it to me!

I hope this conclusion satisfies you, I struggled as always but I’m sooo happy that I’ve written successfully for Jungkook! Thank you thank you thank you really ♥♥♥♥♥

       Step 5 – Follow your fucking heart… ✔

The girls' coin wash was located in the basement of your dorm's building along with sports halls, and Jungkook sighed as he read your last text, defeated by the fact that you had gone down there to isolate yourself. But well, he knew you hated crying in front of others so you surely hadn't been willing to return to your room immediately after your argument ; he should have thought of it before.

He took quick strides into your dorm's hall until he reached the door leading underground and to your hideout. All the lights were turned off, as everything had closed one hour ago – who would exercise on a Saturday night anyway? Usually, the coin wash was always opened ; but when Jungkook reached its doorknob and tried to push it, he failed to open it. He closed his eyes and focused on the only muffled sound he could perceive, and when he recognized your sobs that you were probably trying to cover up with a hand on your mouth, your best friend sighed and placed a hand on the door.

He tried to look through the blurry glass incrusted into the panel, but even the moon's rays coming through the upper windows of the room couldn't beat the darkness surrounding the both of you.

"Y/N, c'mon, open it" he said quietly at first, trying to calm his nerves down even if his gauge of patience was almost emptied up.

How did she even close it?

Silence. The second you heard his voice resound into the hallway behind the door, you cried even more and didn't retain yourself this time. You were crying like a little girl would do over a nightmare or a broken doll, but you couldn't act like you were fine anymore. Your body had been aching so much that you had sat down at the very back of the room, hidden behind one of the washing machines that was doing its job for a student.

"Y/N seriously I don't want to talk to a fucking wall" Jungkook's tone got firmer even though his face was breaking into sadness to hear you cry, his own tears threatening to come out.

Why would you cry? Stop it Jeon!

"And I don't want to talk to you" your weak voice finally manifested itself and Jungkook sighed for the umpteenth time tonight.

He leaned further against the door, his forearm now resting on it and where he placed his forehead, closing his eyes once more with his brows furrowing. You clearly knew how to frustrate him, didn't you?

"Can you at least come closer? So that I'm sure you're listening to me?"

You straightened yourself, surprised by his sudden request, and after having wiped your drenched face you stood up before walking slowly to the entrance, and you sat on a washing machine right next to the door. Jungkook caught a glimpse of your silhouette and his heart suddenly squeezed in his chest while his hands burned, the desire to touch you and hold you in his arms clearly undermining his whole body.

"I'm… Here" you muttered between two sobs.

"Why are you crying so much Y/N, huh? C'mon…" his mellow voice pierced through the door and it made you cry even more.

You couldn't stop ; it was probably the overflow of emotions that were glad they could finally get out of the prison of your restrictions.

"Won't you open the door…?" he pleaded one last time and you shook your head even if he couldn't see you.

"No. I can't look at you right now. I can't…"

Jungkook was still standing in his awkward yet comfortable position, and as his eyes were looking at the ground, he finally stopped thinking too much or planning every one of his actions and words. He entered step 5 that wasn't a step actually : follow what your heart tells you to do, not your disabled brain.

"Why won't you give it a try, Y/N? Why won't you trust me this time? Do you think I'd ever hurt you? Had I known before you were hurting because of your feelings for me I-"

"You would've done anything, I know. But you know the only solution would've been to take your distances from me. And I wouldn't have stood that. I wouldn't have forgiven myself" you cut him, wiping the tears that never ceased to roll down your cheeks and wet your thighs. "I didn't want you to know, because I didn't want you to feel guilty, as you are right now. Oh god everything's my fault I…"

Jungkook's fist suddenly knocked hard against the door and you hopped in shock, looking at the frame separating the both of you from the corner of your eye.

"I'm not feeling guilty Y/N, I'm fucking desperate! Do you hear us right now? Do you truly believe everything is going to be like before and we can deal with it?"  his voice started trembling as well as his clenched hand on the panel.

"Yes we can Jungkook, I believe in our friendship more than anything else, more than what you think you feel for me" you answered, but it burned your throat and tongue as your melt down brain was starting to feel like your convictions could be wrong.

And unexpectedly, you heard a quiet sob coming from the other side. You jumped off the washing machine and faced the door with your eyes wide open and your breath taken, and you did your best not to make any noise even when the thought of your best friend crying was killing you with a lot more pain than what you could afford.

Jungkook indeed had broken into a few tears, but out of anger and frustration. You were right here, behind this door he was a few seconds away from smashing ; he loved you, you loved him, yet you weren't accepting him, you refused to let him love you, you were pushing him away towards an edge where a loveless hell he wouldn't come back from was waiting for him if he ever fell. He hadn't expected to get that carried away by his own emotions, but he was and the tears were showing how hard it was for him to stay calm any longer.

"Even when I know you love me and you know I love you?" he suddenly spoke up in an annoyed tone, and it was as if your heart had received a shock and came back to life.

He loved you?

"W-What?" you mumbled, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Yes, I love you! You didn't think I can scream earlier right?! Then hear for yourself! I LOVE YOU Y/N! I DON'T LIKE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I SWEAR I love you…"

Jungkook went through a rollercoaster of emotions, making him shout and smash the door at every word at first, then feel weak less than a second after. He finally backed from the door but you still could hear his loud breathing. The few waterworks on his face had already dried, leaving place to reddening cheeks and a fierce gaze that would have exterminated the structure separating him from you had his eyes truly been some massive guns.

"I'm going to break this fucking door. I'm breaking this door right now. I'm so tired of your fucking bullshit. I'm tired. I'm tired. I want you right now, I want you, fuck, why won't you give me a chance? Just a chance? Do I have to plead? When we both love each other should I have to plead?" he was chuckling like a fool once again and even from your hideout it gave you the chills just by his voice.

Silence. The tormented guy exhaled loudly while brushing vigorously his face, and he took a few steps backwards. As soon as you caught that, distinguishing a moving form behind the glass, a wave of panic crashed against your brain and your body started to shiver.

"I'm coming Y/N I swear if you don't open this door right now I'm-"

Click.

       The sound of the door unlocking covered any other possible sound, even the ones of your pounding hearts, and you opened it widely. Your eyes met, your two frames enlightened by the moon's dim light, and your heartbeat stopped its marathon the second you faced the man you loved. He looked so beautiful, even more with that angry expression on his face, which soon turned into something so manly and lustful, his eyes shining from the few tears that still prickled at their corner. And when he blinked, two neat pearls of water rolled down his cheeks but he was quick to wipe them off with his sleeve, not losing eye-contact doing so.

The tension was so thick that it strangled you so that you couldn't be the first one to say or do anything. But no words were needed at this point ; his jerky breathing and your non-stopping sobs could tell everything you were thinking right now. You saw him clench his fists another time and he shook his head from the left to the right, obviously disapproving the tears flowing on your cheeks and your baby-like weeping.

"You're so frustrating seriously… I told you to stop crying. You're ugly when you cry. And a Golden boy can't date someone ugly."

You didn't have the time to compose and shake yourself out of your trance, nor register his words and understand what was going on, as Jungkook was suddenly storming to you and before you even knew it, his soft lips were on yours while his hands landed into your hair.

He moaned into your mouth and his pressure on your scalp almost became painful, but Jungkook felt as if it was the only way you could finally get how sincere he was and how bad he wanted you to trust him. And it worked. You deepened the kiss while stumbling back into the room until your butt met with a washing machine that backed you up. Then, you allowed yourself to wrap your arms around his waist, grasping tightly his kaki parka that what freezing cold, but it was a pleasure for your burning fingers.

Jungkook's tongue brushed your lips and you let it enter as he kissed you again and again, and suddenly one of his hands dropped from your head to your back. He pushed himself further against you, his thighs squeezing yours, and you thought that your legs were soon going to become one with the washing machine if he kept on pushing. 

Your kisses were so desperate and sloppy, but they were so true ; and they seemed to spread a magic charm right towards the knots in your brain, as if it had impeached you to accept Jungkook and his love up till now, it finally stopped its torturous wonderings that had danced in your head every single day, the second you kissed.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook bit your lower lip while his hands went down to your thighs, and he took a deep breath with his nose doing so, as the thought of being able to caress your body once again was starting to turn him on. He then lifted you up easily, as if you were lighter than a feather, to make you sit on the cubic furniture, before kissing down your neck and your collarbones that were at his eye-level, and you whimpered quietly.

"Jungkook Jungkook stop-"

The boy straightened himself quickly, his head following your hand that had gently pulled his hair, and his hooded but lustful eyes finally looked at you.

"What? Wasn't all of this you accepting me? Don't tell me-"

You loosened your grasp into his soft hair, letting your hand go down and reach his right cheek that wasn't chubby anymore but had dug itself as he was turning into a man, and you felt him lean into your touch, his eyes closing. You looked at his face a few seconds without breathing : the roundness of his nose so cute, the wetness of his long lashes making your heart skip a bit, the pout of his lips from which loud exhales were coming. He was mesmerizing.

"Say it again." you asked shyly before biting your lip.

"Hm?"

He opened his eyes, an ounce of confusion crossing his pupils as he still was in the mist of your heated hook up. But because, above all, he remained the person that knew you the best, he guessed the answer into your pleading eyes. He broke into a smile while bending towards you, and he placed his hands on each side of your shivering body. His mouth was so appealing, even more with that smirk it was doing, and the closeness between the both of you permitted you to give a look at the cute mole right under his lower lip that called for a kiss.

You needed to see him say it. You needed to be sure, before you'd do this. Before you'd do the undoable. Before you'd officially become a couple, with all its happy consequences but also its danger of ending your long-lasting friendship. Nevertheless, what had convinced you beforehand was how he had claimed he loved you as much as you did, with despair clear in his voice. Because if that truly was the case, you didn't need to be afraid anymore as you, were sure you'd never love anybody else more than him.

He was your best friend, he was the one who knew you, your tastes, your wants and even your silent needs, especially now as forcing his way through your untold feelings had put everything right into its place in the end. He, had finally reached you at the finish line, by braving every obstacle you had put before him. He, who had always been there, who satisfied everything you could ask for, couldn't be beaten by anyone else.

"I love you Y/N" he said in a sweet voice with a nod, his smile making your heart melt along with the last few defense barriers you had settled around it. "I love you. I've had since a long time, I felt weird too lately but I wasn't sure. I was the first one to kiss you that night, do you know why? Because I love you. Because I want to be with you like that. I want to be your best friend and your boyfriend. But it's either both, or nothing. Because I can't stand being just friendly to you anymore."

His voice was so steady and enchanting, a soothing tone he had never used with you but that testified of his soft spot for you. You were finally hearing and witnessing his sincerity, and if the words had passed from one ear to another before without stopping by your brain to register, this time, as he looked right into your eyes, as his gaze was enamored, as he was saying he loved you with so much conviction, you couldn't back off anymore.

"You won't leave me? You won't get tired of me? You're sure of you?" you asked suspiciously, a smile creeping up your lips, and he chuckled.

"I've been dragging you around for more than ten years, I think that will be okay" he almost whispered as he closed the unbearable gap between the both of you, his eyes downing on your mouth, and he kissed you again.

He moaned another time as he was feeling so satisfied by doing so, so complete, so at ease when he had been on the verge of losing it just before. Your fingers entangled in his straight and shiny hair while his went warily up your thighs, giving you numb sensations as if there wasn't any fabric separating his touch from your skin. Then, they made their way up to your waist and finally, Jungkook allowed himself to go under your T-Shirt, giving some unspeakable sensations at the base of your back where he started to draw random patterns.

Then again, what had been a soft kiss at first quickly turned into something passionate and needy, the both of you with your eyes closed so that you could only feel the other one with your touch, and even you yourself began to succumb to some unholy temptation. Your cold hands slid along his skull, passing through his coat and his shirt, to lodge themselves on the top of his back, and you felt him quiver at the contact. Jungkook's hands wandered under your top, and when he felt he wouldn't get enough just from kisses and light touches, he suddenly retreated, earning a surprised and frustrated expression from you.

He walked backwards to the door so that he wouldn't stop looking at you, and when you saw him turn the locker, a hot wave drooled on your body and you bit your lip.

"What if there are cameras? Or what if someone comes down?" you hissed as you started to look around, feeling suddenly shy.

Jungkook approached you and engulfed you in his arms, a sweet hug that surprised you and calmed you down in an instant. You landed your forearms on his shoulders and you caressed his neck as he suddenly let his lips trace wet kisses from your jawline to your collarbone, and you sighed.

"Nobody's at the uni on a Saturday night… And there are no cameras, believe me, we're not the first two people to do this here…" he chuckled and you eyed him suspiciously as he straightened himself to face you. "Guys know well how to share their secret locations to…"

"Oh no shut up" you grumbled and you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, turning him on instantly, and you gave him a long kiss.

"I love you. So much. Fuck, I love you so much" he whispered against your lips and some unwelcomed urge to cry burned your lower eyelids but you brushed it off by kissing him another time.

"Let's go to your room or-" you tried to reason one last time.

"I want you now, Y/N. I can't wait. Not anymore." he cut you off, his stare defying you to say no.

Me neither.

     This was the sentence, that definitely triggered you as well as Jungkook, and both of his hands took their place back on your hips, to make you slide over the edge of the washing machine, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. While looking at you, the boy slowly slipped off his jacket and you downed your eyes on his chest still covered by a deep blue shirt you were dying to unbutton, as you could already draw the sacred picture it was hiding into your mind. With a pounding heart you did the same with your denim jacket, throwing it on another washing machine nonchalantly.

You could see from Jungkook's squinted eyes and his bottom lip he had caught between his bunny teeth that he was having a hard time too at not tearing your top off your body, and he inhaled deeply as he bent to kiss you sloppily one more time. His parka suddenly hit the floor in a loud sound, making you jump shortly and he chuckled on your lips before pecking them.

He then lifted you up once again and, after having displayed his coat on the floor with his feet, he bent the both of you down in a controlled move, and he landed you slowly on it. The cold from the floor tiles was piercing through the fabric, you could feel it as your shirt had risen up so that your bare back was right against the parka. You gasped in surprise, but the heat in your body and the one coming from your lover that towered you totally overtook it in a few seconds. 

You were getting drunk from the personal scent coming from his clothing underneath you, making your body crave even more to feel his, so you reached out your hands to caress his arms extended on each side of you. Then, they went up to the collar of his shirt that you unbuttoned before quickly going down to the next fasten, and Jungkook closed his eyes and hissed, the feeling of your fingers close to his bare chest enough to make him lose his mind. 

You smiled in satisfaction to see him weak in front of you and because of you, but you soon frowned in excitement when the fabric loosened and unveiled his beautiful chest that now was yours. Jungkook sat on his knees to properly look at you and, like that night, his hands caressing your body were leaving trails of burns along with chills, making you hyperaware of his presence so close to you, so much that you were now desperate to make love with him once again.

You had thought back of that one-night stand so many times, secretly cherishing every move he had made and every kiss that had been shared, and if you had believed you'd never get to live something as beautiful again, you gladly discovered that you had been wrong, as everything from what was going on right now was even more stunning and intense than your first time with Jungkook. Mostly because this time, there wasn't any alcohol to multiply your senses ; it was him and him only that was making you feel dozens of things.

He quickly got you out of your clothes, kissing your lips every time he could, with a loud breathing expressing the hard time he was having at not rushing things. Indeed, you were like a gift to Jungkook, and he was in such a hurry to unpack you, as he had missed the beautiful content you were hiding in and that he had had the right to enjoy for a way too short night.

You didn't feel shy to have him stare at your naked body, and as he finally revealed himself to you too, his torso contrasted by the rays of the moon through the small windows, the tingling feeling into your chest exploded into some fireworks, and you forgot about the cold floor, the inappropriate yet exciting location, the tears that had tired your eyes that were now wandering on your boyfriend's body.

Jungkook dived back on top of you and he looked directly into your splendid eyes, and your hands firmly grabbed his neck, but your fingers soon died to caress his upper body so you did, making him close his eyes once again and his mouth slightly open to let out a jerky breath, because of your precious touch. His hair was messy, some strands falling on his forehead while the rest was staying up after you had combed them earlier, and you could decipher through the night that his cheeks were tinted. You took your time as he was weakening under your caress, making him pause into his pressed moves, to admire his precious traits once more.

Yet, his arms didn't resist his shivers anymore and, with a quiet whimper, he unexpectedly fell down on his elbows with his forehead landing on your exposed collarbone, and while your hands were dangerously going down, his face went up, searching for yours, his hot and shaken breath brushing your skin, and he kissed you once more. He kissed you as if you were the oxygen that he needed to go on with his life ; he kissed you as if it would be the last time, his tongue entering your mouth and his teeth clashing against yours ; he kissed you and it made him recover his full energy and control of his body, so he steadied himself above you and he felt you smile under his mouth.

And right there, after all your efforts of pushing him away, you definitely gave up on your fears and shelters as you pulled his body closer, the closer it'd ever be as you started making love on the floor that soon became your land. Then, making love all around the room, never having enough of each other, being desperate to feel the other, and letting a few whiny I love you's slip through your lips every time they were pulling apart and that your eyes had the chance to meet.

He had turned back into a werewolf raging with desire, but you weren’t one of his prays, no ; as it always had been the case, you were the splendid and shimmering moon that he depended on and had howled his love to, so desperately. Finally, you were shining upon him and for him only, and like your blinding color, Jungkook almost saw white behind his closed eyelids from all the pleasure that crept up from his body to his brain.

Through the darkness, you too could see something shine : his eyes that gazed lustfully at yours, and his teeth as he smiled brightly when your lovemaking came to an end, leaving the both of your bodies shagged on the floor with loud breathings, but mostly with the best feeling you’ve ever had.

       You were willingly following Jungkook to his dorm this time, but as you both arrived in the courtyard separating the girls' dorms from the boys' one, with your hand secured in his, you suddenly stopped in your tracks.

"Isn't your roommate here? And what if your supervisor sees us?" you wondered and Jungkook turned around to look at you.

He was smirking, his face clearly expressing how worn out he was after he had given you his all, as well as his hair that was messily combed in the back, but god, he looked the finest you've ever seen, beating that one time, the night of the event. That man, smiling beautifully, was yours, and your heart was hardly admitting it, as it was still beating fast even if you weren't doing some kind of effort anymore.

"Since when are you so conscious of other people? How many times have you sneaked out at night to sleep with me because you had a nightmare?"

You rolled your eyes and tried to free your hand from his, but his grasp tightened in a flash of a second.

"Don't you dare let go of my hand, ever" he warned as he approached you and you had a hard time supporting his gaze, suddenly feeling flustered. "What day are we today?" he asked with a more serious expression on his awesome face.

"Saturday…?"

"What about dorms during the weekend?" Jungkook inquired, his eyes searching yours and you could see from the ripple of his mouth that he was about to laugh at you.

"They're empty…" you sighed in defeat.

"Right. My roommate's out. He won't know. And the intendent? He's probably given up. Now you come and sleep at mine, because if you don't, I might harass you with texts all night as I won't stop thinking about you, so you'll have to pay for it" he shrugged and he finally let his smile take his rightful place.

"Stop being lovely it doesn't suit you…" you mumbled.

"You prefer Fuckboy Jungkook? Or maybe does that mean you want round two in my bed up there? I can go on all night long if you wanna know" he teased and you kicked him on his chest that was showing because he hadn't properly buttoned up his shirt.

"Back to the lovely one in the end, I think that's better."

You started walking towards his dorm again, with him trailing his feet behind you and laughing quietly. Jungkook was so happy. He hadn't known before today, that it was possible to go through all kind of emotions in just a few hours. From jealousy, to anger, to frustration, to despair, to sadness, to love, to desire, to happiness ; being in love with you was meaning riding on a non-stopping roller coaster, but Jungkook adored strong sensations and risks. And tonight, he had reached the climax so many times with you in his arms, that he didn't know when he would come down ; hopefully never, hopefully the train you both had boarded on was taking you towards a peaceful but always higher destination.

        This is right.

 You immediately thought, as you were installing yourself in Jungkook's messy bed after having stolen your favorite shirt and pair of sweatpants in his wardrobe. He welcomed you in his warm embrace, not even bothering to wear a top, and you squirmed on your right side until your face was against his chest where you couldn't hold yourself back to plant some kisses. You loved his baby skin, its softness, its warmness, its scent that was so masculine with rests of his specific cologne – the one you had made for him in a store a year ago, as you were the only one who could fit his complicated and sensitive taste.

The more you were kissing him and the more Jungkook's body was starting to tense up, his hands stopping their light strokes on your back as he was carried away under your touch, unable to do anything except from feeling you. You caught the inhalation of air his slightly parted lips made and you retreated to look up at him, and he had his chin a little leveled up on the pillow, with his eyes closed. You started to plant a hickey on his throat and he unwillingly moaned, making you burst out of laughter.

"W-What?" he frowned as he moved his head down to look at you.

"You're that swayed for me aren't you? It's fantastic" you chuckled. "Did you hear yourself moan just right now?"

"Me? I moaned? When?" the innocent boy asked with lost eyes and you kissed him on the lips this time, your hand going up to land on his cheek, and Jungkook deepened the kiss as he hugged you closer, his hands again going down your back to lower body.

His fingers dangerously went under the waistband of his own pants you were wearing, and he pulled at your hips so that they came right against his. You instinctively lifted up your leg on his muscle thigh, permitting him to caress it in a painfully slow motion, bringing the sweatpants down at the same time. You felt his excitement in the burning pressure of his fingers and, even if deep down you were wanting him as much as he wanted you because you both couldn't have enough after having craved for each other for so long, your worn out body couldn't respond to your inner desires.

"I'm tired Kook…" you whined in his mouth and the boy sighed against your lips he then bit as a sign of his frustration.

"Sorry, sorry… I've been wanting you for so long that I think I can't get enough" he whispered as his hands had went up to your hair he suddenly played with, your faces only a few inches from each other on the pillow.

You kissed his nose and the corner of his mouth, earning a look of disapproval from your boyfriend but you smiled back.

"We've already done it like three times down there… And now you got all your life to shut your frustration up, I think that's pretty good" you reassured him and Jungkook's face broke into a smile that killed you in an instant.

It was so pure, his nose frowning and his bunny teeth showing under his thin lips, and his arms suddenly secured your frame even more, to the point you were chest to chest and you could feel his loud heartbeat.

"I did it" he whispered to himself, his eyes wandering on the outlines of your face he could see in the dark.

"Did what?" you whispered back as you lodged your arm around his neck with your hand resting on his scalp that you massaged slowly.

"Turn a one-night thing into a one-life thing. Waaaah I'm such a poet don't you think?" he smirked in satisfaction before removing his hand from your back to scratch his chin he leveled up one more time.

But you didn't smile, as you found it oddly beautiful. You were so young but so in love to the point you already were talking about life-lasting relationship. And even if you were foolish doing so, it touched you deep down in your heart, to the point that the small bit of water that was still in your body filled up your eyelids even if they were still tired from all your sobbing.

"You've just told me you're mine for life right now, I won't forget it" Jungkook added with his eyes closed and when he heard a gasp instead of a worded answer, he licked his lips before kissing yours sweetly. "What? You're surprised? You don't know me when I'm a boyfriend, but wait and see, you'll love me even more." he sighed in contentment.

If that's even possible.

You pinched gently his neck before sliding down to your previous position with your face across his bust, but this time you spared the boy as you only kissed it one more time, earning a short whimper, but he still kissed you back on the top of your head to calm himself down.

And this time, when you finally said "Jungkook I love you", you were plainly awake and far from scared, but mostly lucky enough to witness him shiver from happiness, before he tightened his arms around you while his breathing had become jerky from the flustering.

After a few kisses on your forehead, you heard him murmur, right before you drifted to sleep, with a sore and emotional voice, the three words that now sounded like a lullaby to you instead of a painful lie, as you finally believed in his love as much as in his friendship, and that with all your heart and mind.

  This is… perfect.

    THE END.

[captnbarnesrogers]

Ain’t Nobody In The World But You

Pairing/Characters: Bucky x Plus Sized!Reader, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark (mentioned)

Warnings: Insecure reader, swearing, virgin!reader, unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap your willy)

Summary: Based off of a request.

Word Count: 3130

A/N: So I used some pretty harsh words in this one, this is just what I feel when I’m having a bad day… Hopefully those words don’t trigger you. Please send warnings I’ve missed into my ask box. I also listened to ‘You & I’ by John Legend while writing the smut.

You straightened out your top and your pencil skirt, quickly but gently brushing your hair to the left side of your shoulder. You grabbed your lab coat and the file on the bed side table. You stopped for a second to look at your boyfriend, sprawled out and softly snoring your bed, you smiled for a minute and your insecurities started pouring in again. Your smile faded and a blank faced frown came crashing onto your face. You heard him groan out of his sleepy state and opened his eyes to his favourite sight.

“Where you off to, doll?” He asks groggily before grabbing your hand and pulling him close to you,

“To work.”

“You look incredibly beautiful to be going to work, you don’t have some other guy on the side do you?” You giggled at his joke and gave him a kiss on the cheek,

“If they’re not you, they’re not getting anything, love.” His warm hand pulled you in for a kiss, holding you there with his metal hand gripping on your waist, “I have… to… get to… the of-office.”

“Take the day off, I wanna spend time with my favourite girl.”

“You know I can’t, Buck.” He groaned as you pulled away, leaving him wanting more of you. He stands up and hugs you from behind, nuzzling his face into your neck, “Besides, you needed to get up anyway, it’s 8:30 and you were supposed to be training with Natasha at 8:45.”

“She’ll understand my never ending craving for you, doll.” He kisses your neck and you moan, “Stay home, Y/N and I’ll cancel anything I have on as well.” His hands trail down from the valley of your breasts, popping a button open from your blouse before making its way down to your tummy. You pull away quickly,

“I- Uh… I’m late, I gotta go.” You’d never rushed out like that, especially on Bucky. He was your boyfriend. Sure, it hadn’t been that long but you were both really good friends before you were lovers. It wasn’t long after your relationship had started did the insecurities start pouring in. They were worse than before and you didn’t know how to stop them. You were much bigger than he was, in weight, and it showed. It wasn’t even the ‘pretty’ type of big, not like the girls you’d see in the magazines. You were just you. Your tummy bulged out, your thighs stuck together, and your face was rounded out. You pretty much just hated everything about yourself and you didn’t know how he could stand to be around you, let alone, date you. These all led you to think the worst about your boyfriend, about your relationship. Was it just a bet? A joke? Were you an easy rebound girl? You tried to shake out the thought but it didn’t make sense to you, how on earth could he love someone like you? It made you tear up but you fought against it as you entered the building. He belonged to someone like Natasha. Not you.

You greeted everyone with a smile on your face, painfully fake one at that, and you entered your office. You organised the files on your desk, ready to go and give them to Tony but before you could leave, you heard two knocks on your office door. You turned around and through the glass you saw Natasha. You let her in and smiled at her. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her body. It was curvy and voluptuous in all the right places and you’d wished you could have that.

“Hey Y/N you seen Bucky?” She asked, “We’re supposed to be training in five minutes.”

“He woke up late, he said he’ll be here soon.”

“You love birds have a bit of fun this morning?” She smirked, giving you a bit of a giggle as she pointed out your unbuttoned blouse. Your face flushed a crimson red and gave her a nervous chuckle,

“Sorry, I didn’t notice that before,” You quickly buttoned them back up, “and no, he did not get lucky.”

“Has he gotten lucky at all?” You bit your lip and shook your head, no, “Hasn’t it been like eight months?”

“I know- I just… Whenever we start, I freeze up and I don’t know what to do.”

“You freeze up?”

“He makes me nervous, Nat and I don’t want him to see.. this. Me.” You explain gesturing to extra fat on your tummy,

“He loves you, Y/N and we all notice it, he doesn’t want you just for your body, he loves you for you.” You sighed, you wanted to believe her but it just wasn’t sticking,

“How do you keep your figure like that?”

“I’m honestly not so sure myself, Y/N, it might be from all the training.” You nodded and your phone bleeped, indicating you’d received a text message,

“Bucky’s here so if you wanna go and grab him, he’s in the lobby.” She nodded and thanked you before closing your office door, once again leaving you with your thoughts.

The night ended as it always did. You came home to your boyfriend and you both ordered take out, laughing about the stupid stuff you’d done that day. But tonight it was different. You both got into bed, Bucky giving you a quick goodnight kiss, and he drifted off. You waited a couple of minutes to make sure he was really asleep, gently removed his draped arm from your waist and got up, walking yourself into the bathroom. You stood in front of the full length mirror and began to pick out everything you didn’t like. You compared yourself to other girls and started to question his love for you, it was eating you from the inside out and you just broke down. Tears started flowing and you couldn’t stop them. You cried until there were no more tears left to cry. You looked up from your spot and the sun was beginning to rise. You crawled back into bed with Bucky and pretended to sleep just until he started to stretch out of his sleep. You once again got up and began to get ready for work.

You met Bucky in the kitchen who had prepared breakfast for the both of you. Eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast, alongside some orange juice and coffee. You gave him a kiss on the cheek and hugged him from behind.

“Good morning, princess, how’d you sle-” He turned to catch a glimpse of you and just from that one glimpse, he knew something was wrong. Your eyes weren’t as bright this morning, they were dry and loveless and you sluggishly moved around, which was definitely something you wouldn’t do, “You okay, doll? Did you get any sleep at all? You could’ve woken me up, I would-”

“I slept fine, Bucky.” You gave him a small smile but he knew you, he knew you were lying,

“Okay.. Let’s eat.” He put a cup of coffee in front of you but you stood up from the bar stool you were sitting on,

“I’m uh… I’m actually late.” You lied,

“What? Babe, it’s only eight… It’s Thursday, you don’t get in until nine?”

“Yeah, uhm, Tony called in this morning and wants me to come in early today.” He tried to search for truth in your eyes but you kept looking away, he knew you were lying to him and he was going to find out why, no matter how long it took,

“Okay?”

“I’ll see you when I get home.” You kissed him and walked out the door with an empty stomach and an empty heart.

Bucky went into your shared bedroom and picked up the phone, dialling Tony’s number. Tony couldn’t have asked you to come in because Tony flew to Los Angeles the night before.

You felt so weak for the rest of the day, refusing to eat anything. You heard your tummy rumbling but ignored the sensation, telling yourself that it was just a brain thing. You were just used to eating all the time so your body was craving something and you weren’t going to give into the feeling. If this is what it took to be beautiful, you were going to do it. Bucky deserves to have someone pretty on his arm. Not the fat and disgusting thing you were now. You began to feel a throbbing sensation from your head. You took out the asprin from your drawer and dry swallowed it before going back to work.

You got home to the smell of pasta and the sight of a red covered, set table with wine and gasped. You felt horrible, Bucky had set up this entire thing and you were just going to refuse him. This is for him, Y/N, just tell him you’re not hungry. You thought.

“Hey, doll, how was work?” He kissed your cheek and rubbed your back,

“I-it was fine, same old, same old… W-what’s this?”

“Thought I’d treat my hard working girlfriend with my mom’s special Spaghetti recipe.” You tried so hard, you looked at him as he stared at you with pride in his eyes. Proud of his surprise for you,

“Bucky...”

“Come sit.” You clenched your fists at your sides, trying to control yourself,

“I actually already ate, baby...” His face fell and he stood up from his spot,

“Oh.” You bit your bottom lip, trying not to cry, “Well um, that’s okay, doll… W-we can have it for breakfast tomorrow.” He sent you a small smile, he almost felt embarrassed and he felt so small, did you not like your surprise?

“I’m gonna head off to bed, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, yeah, go for it, I’ll come up in a bit.” He sat back down and watched you walk away before cleaning up all of his efforts.

It continued for the next four days and Bucky began to notice that you weren’t eating or drinking anything, he noticed your under eyes were sunken in and dark, you were pale and almost sickly, and your lips were dry. You were lying about work and getting sleep, if there was any space to lie, you would do it. He was getting annoyed and wanted to confront you about it. If there was something wrong, he wanted to help. Whatever it was, he didn’t want you going through it alone, he loved you truly and wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you. You stepped into your home sluggish and powerless, putting on another fake smile as you walked into the lounge to greet your boyfriend.

“Hey, sweets, how was your day?” You kissed him on the cheek and smiled,

“It was great, how about yours?” You noticed the change in tone,

“Busy.” You called out as you walked away,

“You hungry, Y/N?” He asks, standing up from his spot on the sofa,

“No, I already ate, sweets.” He scoffed at your reply, the same reply he’d been getting for the past four days,

“Really?”

“Y-yes.”

“You’ve been eating before you come home a whole lot lately, Y/N.”

“I didn’t know y-you’d be home.”

“Bullshit, Y/N!”

“James, I don’t know what to tell you, I’ve just been too busy at work!”

“How about the truth, Y/N? Tell me the truth!” He came closer to you, angrily huffing. You saw the concern in his eyes and felt yourself cracking. You walked away from him,

“Y-you wouldn’t understand.” You mumbled, he followed you and pulled you close to him, caressing your cheek,

“Then help me understand, Y/N, I need to understand…” He rests his forehead against yours, “I love you, please- I want to know what’s going on. Your beautiful face is pale and your eyes are dark, Y/N, what’s happening to you?” You began to realise how much this had taken a toll on him too, you were being selfish. You began to feel light headed as a tear fell from your eyes. The last thing you’d heard was your boyfriend’s voice calling your name.

You woke up in a white room, the sound of beeping next to you. A cold hand rested on your weak hand. He stood up when he saw your eyes blinking open, calling out to a nurse and caressing your cheek. The nurse came in and checked your vitals before putting some food in front of you, making you drool.

“I’m gonna need you to eat up, Miss Y/L/N.” You shakily grabbed the sandwich from the tray and began to eat it, “Had you eaten or drank within the last couple of days?”

“No, I- I wasn’t feeling hungry.”

“You should eat regularly, Miss Y/L/N, your sugar levels were extremely low and you were dehydrated, you could’ve gone into a coma,” You nodded and finished your food, “She can be discharged today, make sure she eats when she’s supposed to, Mr Barnes.” He shook the nurse’s hand and thanked her. He stayed silent and packed your bag after you ate. The drive home made you feel nervous, he was going to break up with you and everything was going to go to shits. You sneakily wiped away the tear that escaped your right eye. He pulled up to your house and grabbed your bag before walking to your side of the car and opening the car for you. You stepped out and quietly thanked him. There was no reply. He helped you up the stairs and dropped your bag inside the bedroom before closing the door and staying in there. He couldn’t process this. You’d starved yourself and he didn’t know why, he was sure he hadn’t said anything to trigger you, he would never even dare. He loved you and his first priority was keeping you safe which he had obviously failed to do. He walked around the bedroom and out of anger punched the wall that spaced your wardrobe and the bathroom. You knocked on the door and stepped in, seeing that he’d punched the wall with his flesh hand and not his metal one.

“Bucky!” You rushed beside him and took his hand into yours, you sat him down and grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom, “Jesus Christ.”

“I just have one question, doll…” He kept still as you applied alcohol on the cut the wall had given him, “why?”

“Why what?”

“You know what.” You sighed, he looked up at you and began to tear up,

“I don’t know, Bucky...”

“You do, you know, you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t.” You took his face in your hands and rested your forehead on his,

“It wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself.” His hand gripped your wrist, caressing your soft hands, the hands he loved to hold,

“Why, just tell me.” You sat down beside him and sighed,

“You deserve better, you deserve the best and I wanted it to look like I belonged with you.”

“But you do belong with me, what makes you think that you don’t?”

“I’m not pretty, Bucky, I’m ugly and I’m fat, I don’t know how you can love me, I’m so-” He cut your off by crashing his lips on yours and he kissed your tears away,

“I don’t care about that, I love you… I love you so fucking much, every inch, every flaw, I don’t care, I will love you until you ask me not to.”

“I will never and could never ask that of you, you mean everything to me.” He grabbed your hips and set you on top of him, your lips moving against each other. You ground yourself against the tent in his denim pants, you both moan,

“Doll, we can stop if you want...” You shook your head,

“No, I- I’m ready.” He flipped you over on your back and explored your body, his lips trailed along your neck and his hand was unbuttoning your jeans. He slid your jeans down and took off your jumper, leaving you in your bra and panties. His breath hitched at the sight of you, he’d never seen anyone so beautiful. You covered yourself but he gently disconnected your hands from your tummy,

“Don’t ever cover yourself for me, baby girl, you are… incredible.” You blushed and he kissed you all over, making you whimper, “The sounds you make are so addicting.” He quickly sat you up and unclasped your bra. He laid you down as his hand travelled down to your clothed cunt, rubbing your clit. You arched your back and he took your hard nipple into his mouth, you moaned loudly at the contact of his cold metal hand on your heated sex and his warm mouth all over you.

“Bu-Bucky!” He took off your panties and undressed himself too, “I- I need you, please.”

“I love you, sweetheart, just tell me to stop if I’m hurting you, okay?”

“Okay.” You whispered,

“Okay.” He kissed you and slowly pushed himself into you, making you gasp,

“Bucky!” The discomfort faded away soon after he was inside of you,

“You okay, doll? You need a minute?”

“I-I’m fine, please move.”

“You sure?” You nodded and he started to slowly thrusting himself into you, it burned for a minute but pleasure took over when he caught your soft lips on his. This was perfect, he was perfect. You felt so loved, he made you feel loved and you showed him when you wrapped your legs around his hips and kissed him feverishly,

“Faster.” You moaned and he did as you said, moving slightly faster than before, “James, oh god! Fuck!”

“Fuck, doll, you’re so fucking tight, I love you- shit!” He gripped your hips, definitely leaving a bruise when you woke up tomorrow, “Oh, baby girl, you’re so f-fucking perfect.”

“I’m- James I think I’m gonna-”

“Cum, baby, let go.” Your hands tightened in his hair and screamed as you released onto his hard cock, him following soon after you, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He chanted,

“I love you too, Bucky.” Roughly pressing your lips on his as he released inside of you. He rested his forehead on yours and smiled before taking you into his arms and holding you close,

“How are you feeling? Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you too bad?” You grabbed his metal hand and placed it upon your cheek,

“It was perfect, Bucky, thank you.”

“Please don’t do that again, okay? Just tell me if you’re ever feeling like that, I’ll remind you just how much I love you.”

“I’m sorry.” He kissed your head,

“Don’t apologise, doll, I love you so fucking much and you’re the only girl in my life, you’ll always be in here.” He pointed to his heart, “You’re my one and only girl.”

MASTERLIST REQUESTS/FEEDBACK

TAG LIST (OPEN): @stevette60 @acklesdowneyandhiddles-ohmy

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

Hmmmm let's go with Boubei! (haha i still need to watch that eventually :p)

Aaaah,thank you, Jenna! This is the one I was waiting for. XD (Yes, you should watchBoueibu at some point and then tell me what you think of it! ;P)

How I entered/learnedabout the said game/show/movie/etc of that fandom:

Let me take you back to Valentine’s Day 2015. I was waiting for Starkid to upload their new Trail toOregon musical, and I was in the mood to watch something cute and fluffy totreat myself in the meantime. I had been considering trying to get back intoanime again, so naturally I went looking through some deviantart polls forValentine’s Day anime recommendations. Because why not? It was a perfectopportunity.

Then, Isaw it. Someone highly recommending a hilarious new show about “gay magical boys”and that intrigued me. I hadn’t heard of magical boys before, so I was like“okay, this HAS to be good” and I Googled it and discovered that 6episodes had already come out. Perfect!

I watchedthe first episode and I laughed harder than I had in a long time. I was soamazed by how clever and whimsical the parody was that I kept watching all theway through. And I immediately called my older brother afterwards to explain tohim exactly what I had just watched because I thought he would appreciate it asmuch as I did. We were both laughing so hard, it was great. Best Valentine’s Day up to that point (especially since I began watching Coffee Prince later that night after watching the Starkid musical and that was a whole other world of beautiful). XD

I toldmyself I wouldn’t get involved with the fandom. This was going to be my privatespecial thing that gave me joy every week when I so desperately neededsomething as pure as magical boys saving the world with the power of love,since I was lacking so much light in my life then. I caved exactly three dayslater and dived head on into the Tumblr tag. Boueibu has since taken over mylife. I had also told myself I wouldn’t write fic, but I wanted to give somethingback to the wonderful, loving, and accepting community that I had found, so… Iended up getting in over my head with that, too. ;;v;;

And I’vemade (and keep making) so many amazing friends because of this series, so Ihave a lot to be grateful for.

Fave character:

I loveevery character in the series! Main characters, the loveless, animal mascots, side/guest/backgroundcharacters, even characters that didn’t get any lines because they were onlythere to fill in space. I love each and every one of them! They are all mybabies~

But…thanks to the otome game, Io is special.

I mean, one of my favorite scenes inthe anime is the bathroom scene in S1E3 because, Io, oh my god why, but thegame is something else. All of the moments in the Io/Ryuu route where Io talkedabout dressing Ryuu up in costumes to make money off him just made me go“omfg, child, what even are you?!”, but it was the moment where theygo shopping with protag-chan that really sealed it for me.

Io and Ryuu pick outan article of clothing that they think protag-chan should buy (Ryuu chooses askirt and Io chooses a sweater) and protag-chan has the option of choosing apair of shorts for herself. And if she chooses the shorts, Io commentssomething along the lines of “But aren’t they a bit short?” and myreaction was just “CHILD PLEASE! THEY ARE SHORTS! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BESHORT! THAT IS THE POINT! AND THEY AREN’T EVEN THAT SHORT ON HER EITHER. OH MYGOD YOU POOR PRECIOUS THING. THAT’S IT YOU’RE MINE NOW. I AM ADOPTINGYOU.”

And therest is history.

Least fave character:

I don’thave a least favorite. I love them all.

OTP(s):

This is adangerous question. I multi-ship the crapout of this series. The only thing I don’t ship is incest and alienxhumanships. ;;v;; But I have my main go-to ships that I’ll mention because otherwisethis post would never end if I listed EVERY. SINGLE. SHIP. *sobbing in acorner*

Io/Ryuu

Akoya/Arima

En/Atsushi

Kinshirou/Haruand Aki

Yumoto/Megawa

Goura/MissBara Beach

Kou/Masuya

Since Ireceived another Ask requesting Boueibu, I’ll mention some other important ships there~

Pairing that everyonelikes but I don’t get:

Theonly thing I don’t ship is incest and alienxhuman ships. So, like…Goura/Yumoto and Aki/Haru are not my thing, though I know there are quite a lotof people who like them (not “everyone”, of course, but enough peoplefor it to count for this question). I also remember seeing some Yumoto/Wombat,but I haven’t really seen any other aliens being shipped with humans so far.But yeah, that’s not my thing either, though I don’t know if it’s still somethingpeople ship?

Fave thing about thefandom:

I love how accepting, loving, and supportive the fandom wasduring season 1. It was like having a small family here and it was a beacon of light in a very dark time for me. Ever since season 2, I’vebeen a bit distant from the fandom for personal reasons, but it’s still reallycomforting to see that there are still so many people trying to make this fandoma welcoming place. ;;w;;

The most despisedthing:

I couldhave definitely done without the violence/aggressiveness, especially regardingthe twins, ever since season 2 started airing. I had to retreat from the fandomwhile that happened because I didn’t really like being called an “abuseapologist” and other downright uncalled-for things for liking the twins orfor simply liking what the season had to offer. Thankfully, that has died downquite a bit in the last few months, but I still occasionally see things that makeme feel a bit alienated. For my own health, I’ve just learned how to seek outthe good things and avoid/ignore the bad, though. Everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion, but bullying people over a difference in opinions is something that should never happen and now I’m wary of certain subjects because of it. ^^’

If there is somethingI would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be:

Oh god, Idon’t even want to answer this question, so I’ll keep it short.

The cuddlejokes in season 1 got out of hand real fast and started to make meuncomfortable about halfway through (even though I appreciated how it was used to subvert common shota tropes), so I was glad that they toned it down alot in season 2. Though, the dead sensei jokes increased to compensate, itseems. Please let Tawarayama-sensei live. He has a family. They miss him somuch. Think of the children. AND, HONESTLY, HE COULD BE SUCH A GREAT MENTOR TOTHE BOYS IN THIS SITUATION IF GIVEN THE CHANCE.

Otherwise,the writing in season 2 could have been a bit stronger. I think the staff didthe best they could with the time and resources they had and I appreciate itgreatly, but it could have been paced a bit differently to give each of thecharacters a proper focus. I won’t go into detail about that because I don’twant to spoil it anymore for you and, also, I really don’t want to talk about myopinions publicly. ;v;

Most of myconcerns/issues with the series will eventually be addressed in my series rewrite anyway… where I simultaneously proceed tomake few things better and everything worse. //bricked

Feelfree to send me more fandoms~

[serotoninwriteson]

Adonis Valley - Chapter 2 (First Draft)

Chapter Two

Suffocated By Fog

 The outside world was unmistakably covered by a thick fog, so thick that one could probably cut it with a knife.

She could barely make out her hand a few feet in front of her face, so she took a moment to orient herself. She could vaguely see the street stretching out on either side of her new house. Street lamps stood tall, but there were also moving shadows. Were those the creatures she’d seen in the pamphlet? She decided not to find out.

She glanced to her right and saw one slowly hobbling in her direction. It was still a ways away, but it moved fast for how it was dragging its body. Lumi didn’t want to be here when it got to closer.

So she headed in the opposite direction, to her left. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was going, but was sure that if she remembered the way she came, it would be easy enough to find her way back.

And so she just wandered.

She passed by buildings with all the lights off. She didn’t hear any noises from outside. Either the houses and shops were abandoned, or their owners were out, just like she was. She followed the path a ways further, noticing it spread out into a plaza. Was this the center of town?

In the center of the plaza, there was a large fountain, topped with a statue of what looked like an angel. It was hard to make out more than just the silhouette in the fog. Lumi wondered if it was actually a nice-looking statue, or just another horror waiting to be revealed when the fog vanished.

When did the fog vanish? She wasn’t sure.

She didn’t linger too long in the plaza, especially not when she saw the shadow folk stalking around. They were getting closer, and there were more of them now. If she wasn’t careful, she’d likely end up a victim. Of what? She didn’t want to find out. She needed a place to hideout until they were gone.

She passed the plaza and looked for the first building she could find with lights on. Surprisingly, it didn’t take too long. There was a decent-sized building with a neon sign lit up in a sickly green color. There were lights on past the windows.

Lumi could barely make out what the sign said. It was too foggy, too dark.

“Loveless Liquor? What kind of a name is that?”

But she didn’t question it too long. Whether it was a brewery or a bar, she didn’t care. It was hopefully safer inside than it was out.

She knocked on the door, before letting herself in. She knew she should have waited for someone to open the door, just in case that was how things were done here. But she couldn’t wait. It wasn’t safe.

She headed inside and was met, finally, with a clear view. It was an old-timey bar, full of pictures that she couldn’t make out from this distance. Road signs also hung on the walls, though she didn’t recognize any of the locations the signs were meant to point to.

A man looked up from the bar. He looked to be in his late forties, maybe early fifties, and wore something like a cowboy or country singer would back in the fifties. His bedazzled suit was a light brown, matching the cowboy hat atop his head. He had a thick moustache that covered a good portion of his upper lip.

He was strange-looking, almost like he didn’t fit the time setting, but he didn’t look too intimidating. He almost looked friendly.

He looked up and quirked a dark brow. “Hey there. Not seen you around here before.”

Something about that statement unsettled Lumi. Adonis Valley hadn’t shown up on the maps she’d checked before responding to the email, so she’d assumed that it was a community in the process of being built. The bartender’s words suggested otherwise.

“Yeah,” Lumi said nervously. “You could say I just moved here.”

He gave a knowing nod, as if he understood what vague words meant. Had he been tricked by the email too?

“Come have a seat. We’ve got whatever you like.”

“I don’t drink,” Lumi replied. “Never liked the taste. Had a weird twang to it. I’ll just sit.”

He motioned for her to head to any barstool she chose, so she chose the one furthest from the door.

“Don’t matter none whether you like alcohol or not. We’ve got literally everything.”

Literally everything? There were too many drinks in the world to suggest something like that, and yet he said it with confidence. Was he a strange hallucination cropped up from this fog-filled world? Lumi was no longer sure the answer was no.

She hesitated. “A Sprite, then?” she asked, almost hopefully.

He nodded and leaned down to get something from beneath the bar. She couldn’t see what, but she assumed there must have been some sort of mini fridge there.

He stood and offered her the green can. “Need a glass?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, this is fine.”

She popped the tab and took a sip. Sure enough, it was nice and cold and bubbly. It was Sprite like she remembered it, a semblance of normality in this crazy world.

She took the time then to look around the room at the people in there.

There was bartender himself, who went back to a newspaper. For some reason, Lumi couldn’t make out the writing or make sense of the pictures. She didn’t know why. She didn’t like it.

There as a waitress, a bubbly, ditzy, blonde woman who looked like she stepped right out of the eighties. She looked like she would be a Cyndi Lauper fan, or perhaps that she might have been the woman herself. There was a strange, thick scar on her left temple. Her bangs were pushed back by a hairband, leaving the scar on full display. This woman too was seemingly plucked from a different time and placed in this strange valley.

There was a young couple sitting near the door. The boy had dirty blonde hair, spiked and gelled like some sort of nineties boy band member. He wore an ugly hoodie, worn sneakers, and torn jeans. The girl had her raven hair pulled into two braids which rested on her shoulders. She wore an old cardigan over a sweater and a long plaid skirt.

Perhaps the most normal of the bar’s inhabitants was the man in the corner. His dark, greasy hair rested uncombed and untamed. His hoodie was torn, resting over a polo and khaki shorts. His sneakers were caked in mud. He leaned against the wall, downing a beer in a glass mug. He was fairly big with a beer belly, and he looked grouchy as could be.

For a moment, their eyes met. His were dark grey, almost like the sea in a storm. She felt heat rise to her face, and she looked away. Just in time for the blonde woman to approach her.

“Hey, it’s good to have a new face around here.” She offered a smile too friendly for the fog-filled world outside. Her blonde hair had pink and purple highlights in it; Lumi only noticed that now. “I’m Donna. And you?”

Lumi forced an anxious smile. “Lumi,” she replied.

“Strange name. Is it short for anything?”

“Lumiette. Parents wanted a cool, new age sort of name. Seems that’s what they came up with.” Her shoulders rose then fell in a half-hearted shrug.

“Well, it’s a pretty name anyhow. First day here?”

The fact that she could tell so easily sent a chill down Lumi’s spine, but she nodded and forced her smile to remain on her face. “Yeah. How’d you tell?”

“You just had that look,” Donna said, as vague as could be. “We all had that look at one point or another.”

Lumi didn’t know what that meant, nor did she particularly care to know. It was probably bad news either way.

Luckily Donna got distracted enough when the young couple stood and headed for the door.

The young man raised his hand in farewell .”Later. Stay safe, alright?”

“Have a good day,” the braided girl added.

Donna waved at them. “You better come back here alive, you hear me?”

They talked about it so casually. Staying safe, being alive – it all felt wrong. It made her stomach churn to the point where not even the Sprite could ease her stomach. She needed to leave soon.

She downed the rest of her sSrite, then fumbled in her bag.

“Huh?”

Her wallet was missing. She knew she’d had it this morning when she’d gotten on the train, but now it was gone. She had everything else in her bag. Or so she thought.

“That’s weird.”

She felt her pockets. Empty. She dug through her bag again. It wasn’t there. Her phone was gone too. Her gaming consoles weren’t there either. She’d packed them to help pass the time, but they were also gone.

She didn’t like this one bit.

“Looking for something?” the bartender asked.

The way he spoke sent a chill down Lumi’s spine. “My wallet. I, uh… I must have left it at home.”

The bartender just chuckled, like he expected it. Had he taken her wallet? How could he have done that though? But her house had been unlocked when she woke up…

She needed to leave. She needed to go right now.

Donna put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was supposed to be comforting gesture, but it only brought Lumi more anxiety.

“Don’t worry about it,” Donna said. “You don’t need to pay for anything here.”

Lumi swallowed hard. What was this community? Some kind of a cult? She had to get out of here, before the demons could catch, before the people could sacrifice her to whatever crazy gods they surely worshipped.

“W-well, I’ll be going then.” Lumi’s voice cracked and she gave nervous laugh.

Even when she headed for the door, she could still feel eyes on her. This was bad, bad, bad. She’d feel safer in her new home. She just had to make it there alive.

She excused herself from the bar and headed outside, just in time to freeze in her tracks.

The girl from earlier had something – something – stuck through her stomach. Pierced through her stomach. She coughed and hacked, blood splattering on her cardigan as she did so. She looked up at the blonde guy through desperate eyes.

“Justin,” she croaked out.

The thing through her stomach pulsated. Lumi almost emptied her stomach then and there. The blackness literally tore the girl apart into so many tiny, bloody pieces. Lumi was going to be sick.

“You bastard!” the blonde, apparently named Justin, cried out. He ran to punch the shadow in its face. But it just turned to him with a sickening creak. Its mouth spread wide in a bloody, gaping smile.

Lumi opened her mouth to scream, to warn Justin to be careful. She never got the chance.

A hand covered her mouth, muffling her cry, while another arm wrapped around her stomach and pulled her back inside. The figure behind her crouched, pulling her down with him.

The hand covered her mouth was removed, and she looked over her shoulder to see the grouchy guy from before. He raised a pudgy finger to his lips, shushing her. He then flicked the lights off and motioned for the others to hide.

Lumi locked the door just in case, before falling back into the man. Her mind was spinning, or perhaps it was the world around her. Nothing made sense. It was wrong, all wrong.

“What… What happened to them?” she barely choked out.

The man shook his head. “Seems they got a shadow agitated,” he said in a hushed whisper. “Wouldn’t recommend it, by the way.”

She stifled a gag by covering her mouth.

The man holding her looked to Donna. “Donna, we’re gonna need a trash can.”

She had just enough time to fetch one before Lumi threw up then promptly faded. Seemed she’d have to get answers later.

[waffles-for-brunch]

I hate that I miss him so much when he's hurt me so much, but I do. Whenever things happen he's who I think to text and tell but I really just don't have anyone anymore. It's not about sex or any of that. And people think it was. Maybe that's how we kind of started but then over time we got really close, got together and became really close friends. Or so I thought. And that's why this is so difficult for me. He just dropped me so completely and so easily and I never really completely got an answer why. It's really hard for me to get close to people and now after this I struggle even to talk to people not only because I don't trust them but I don't trust myself. I don't trust that they'll even want me in their life or that if I open up and try and let people in that they can be trusted with my trust. I'm so easy to trust people bc I expect them to try as much as I do, but no one ever does and how can I open up and trust when all I get is pain in return. Even Rach doesn't give a shit. She's completely fine dropping me just like he did. This whole thing started when I graduated with the whole sebass situationan and I started spiraling. And maybe that's when I needed more help and support and at the very least a conversation. I don't act like that. I don't hurt people like that. Because I know what that feels like. There was something really and completely wrong with me. And I'm finally starting to see that. The past few months has felt like years and I feel like I just keep falling down this pit of solitude that's just getting darker all the time and I'm trying so hard to not let it all bother me and to just focus on my work but im nothing without people to care about and rn I know I still have friends and some have reached out to help and I'm so grateful. But I'm still just in pain and waiting for these stitches to heal and just become a scar instead of an open wound. And I'm the only one that can do that. But it's still just such a struggle every day. Some days I feel like I healed but then maybe I see an instagram post of him and I spiral again bc I'm just reminded he's not in as much pain as me and he doesn't care and he's never gonna text again. And maybe I should delete instagram too but it's the only place he didn't block me and I still hold onto that cause I have nothing left. And it's just at it's worst when something nice or cool or funny or interesting happens during the day and he's still the person I want to talk to about it. Yet he doesn't even think of me or care about me or want anything to do with me. And so if he, someone I thought cared about me more than most everyone else, can do that, then so can everyone else i might get close to. Just like him they could all just be liars. Where I give my all and care so much, it's just so easy for everyone else to just drop off and cut me down. I feel like one of those dogs that goes for a drive w their owner and then is kicked out to the side of the road and the owner just keeps driving. And I'm just left confused and broken and loveless and still so full of love for that person that hurt me but still so unable to let go because feeling love is better than filling up with hate and killing myself with hate. Because if I let myself hate then he wins, and I become cold and heartless and that means I can do the same to someone else someday too. And I can't. After all the hurt I've felt I still can't let it turn to hate, and I fight hay urge every single day too.

I just feel like I'm dying sometimes inside and I just wish he cared at all. I'll never understand how someone could do all of this.

[fantasticnewtimagines]

*Take Me Away | Pt. 2* Newt x reader

○ READ PART ONE HERE

Story synopsis: Reader is in a loveless marriage. Her husband is an Auror and works alongside Theseus. Newt is recently promoted to the Beast Division at The Ministry and Theseus decides to bring Newt along to a dinner at reader’s house. After a few run ins afterwards, reader and Newt slowly begin to fall in love. Reader has never found love in anyone besides her mother and soon finds it in Newt. The two begin to see one another secretly(after fighting the urges to avoid such a secret affair…) until after a year of hiding Newt is asked to travel the world and write his book. Will reader go with him and leave her life behind?

Newt found himself smiling a lot more than usual the next few days. His mind would wander to you and your delicate, gentle smile. He’d only met you twice and yet, he found a yearning; a sense to be near you. It was like nothing he had felt before.

“Newt?”

Looking up from the table, Newt caught sight of Theseus looking at him with his eyebrows raised, a look of curiosity as well as irritation upon his face.

“I asked you to pass the salt at least three times now...”

“S-sorry...”

Newt plucked the salt shaker from beside him and passed it to his brother. Theseus continued watching Newt as he ate his eggs. If there was one thing he knew, it was that something, or rather someone, was occupying his mind. Who? He believed he had an idea.

“Niffler got your tongue?”

Newt’s head shot up as he eyed his brother.

“Sorry?”

Theseus chuckled placing his napkin down and taking another bite of eggs. “I’ve never seen you smile so much. Not to mention so lost in thought. You’re quiet.... tell me why.”

Newt felt his cheeks burn as he tried to fight the smile now appearing in his face. His brother knew him all too well.

“I’ve just been working on something new is all.” He lied.

Theseus saw right though his reply and he chuckled as he pushed his chair back and placed his plate in the sink.

“I think, and this just what I have observed,” He glanced over to his brother before continuing, “That you’re smitten about Mrs. Harding.”

“Theseus... she’s a married woman.”

“Doesn't mean you can’t fancy her.”

Rolling his eyes, Newt joined his brother at the sink and rinsed his plate off. Theseus leaned against the counter, his usual smirk on his face as he continuing pestering his younger brother.

“Take my advice, brother... Be careful.”

It took a second for Theseus’ words to sink in. Scrunching his brows, Newt looked up to him as he dried his hands with a towel.

“Now that you’re working your way up in The Ministry, you will be going to more events and she will most likely be there. Nathaniel Harding is a man who doesn’t take well to those who eye his possessions.”

“You can’t own a person,”

It was almost precious how naive and blind Newt truly was to Nathaniel’s kind. He grew up rich, being told that whatever he wanted he could have and whatever he had was rightfully his and no one else’s.

“I agree, brother. But, men like Mr. Harding see things differently. The moment they see something that is theirs being threatened...they will bite. And they will bite hard. And if you want to make it to your dream of being a Magizoologist... you need to play the game right. You need people like him to be on your side.”

He knew his brother was right. But how could he fight this longing to be near you... to hold you? It was if it were a magnetic pull and he couldn't fight it. No matter how hard he tried.

Patting his shoulder, Theseus walked from the kitchen and leaving Newt to ponder his words. Newt knew he should have listened to him and taken his advice as suggested. Instead, he found himself grabbing his case, his coat and his wand and heading for the door.

He remembers you asking to meet his other creatures. And that’s what he was going to do.

The tea in your cup had become rather lukewarm and you reached over grabbing your wand and charming it back to the temperature of your desire. The living room was quiet as you sat in your usual spot by the window, a book in your hand. The clouds in the sky were drifting by slowly and you took a break from your reading to glance up at the birds flying by. For what was probably the millionth time, Newt’s face flashed before your eyes. The tiny creature he had shown you had intrigued you and when he said he had more magical creatures you couldn't help but locate the first book you could find to learn more.

“You have a visitor, miss...” Winney appeared in the doorway and you turned to look over to her. You wracked your mind trying to remember if you had invited someone over but for the life of you couldn't seem to remember.

Suddenly, a tall figure slipped through the doorway and the familiar curly hair and sea foam green eyes met yours. A wide smile spread across your face as you looked to see Newt standing, a case in his hands, in the doorway and smiling over at you.

“Mr. Scamander! What a lovely surprise!”

“I-I hope I’m not intruding?”

He was adorable, the way he stood there with a slight hunch and his curly locks covering his eyes ever so slightly.

“No. Of course not. I was just reading...” You held up the book, the cover facing Newt. His eyes lit up as he knew the book you were reading having it been one he had read hundreds of times before. “Ever since you introduced me to your friend, Pickett was it? I just had to know more. You said you had more creatures and I couldn't help but wonder what they might be. So, I found the first book I could and I must say... there are so many I have never heard of!”

The words traveled to Newt’s ears and he felt his heart racing in his chest with every word you said. The excitement you showed and the genuine interest made him weak in all areas and he nearly forgot to speak after you finished. He had become so lost in your beauty.

“Yes... I remember you asking if you could meet them.” Lifting his case up a bit, Newt eyed you as you looked at it, a bit confused. “W-would you still like to?”

The look on your face was that of a child on Christmas morning. You leapt from your chair, placing your book down and walking over to him and watching as he placed his case on the floor. Turning to look at the door he paused, a bit  concerned that if anyone were to walk in it could be quite catastrophic.

“Everything alright?”

“Oh,” Newt swallowed the lump in his throat as he realized how close you were to him. He could smell your perfume and it took everything in him to not wrap you in his arms and nuzzle himself in to your neck to take in your scent. “I just... I think it’s best we shut the door and maybe...” He paused, scratching the back of his neck, “Lock it. Just for safe measure.”

Something in you told you to take his words as a warning; that this wasn’t safe. But another voice, a louder one, told you to do it.

Listening to the latter, you locked the door before turning back to see Newt opening the lid of his case and reaching his hand out to you.

“Do you trust me?”

A wide smile spread across your face as you nodded. Your hand met his and he gently guided you down. As the world above began to disappear you suddenly found yourself in a tiny shed. A table was off to the corner and littered in various plants, papers and books. It was cozy and you couldn't help but feel a sense of calmness as you watched the wizard remove his jacket and hang it up. He rolled his sleeves up, showing his arms and you admired the freckles adorning his skin. Along with his muscles.

Newt grabbed a bucket off the floor and tossed a rag over his shoulder. He made his way towards the door and paused, turning back to look at you.

“Ready?”

Your heart beat against your rib cage. What was beyond those doors you couldn’t even begin to fathom. Again, that voice in your head told you to turn back, run up the ladder and escape while you could. But just as before, you listened to the latter.

Walking towards him you nodded. The wizard smiled and turned the knob and walked through. Taking a deep breath, you took the first step out of the hut and out in to an entire new world.

All around you, there were various habitats and creatures. Above you was a night sky, complete with twinkling stars. How on earth did he get all this in here? Magic such as this was surely something way beyond your experience.

The sound of chirping caught your attention and you turned to see Newt standing beside a tree and holding his hand out. Tiny creatures crawled down the branches and reaching out to the food he held out in the palm of his hand.

“I know these guys!” Rushing over, you watched in awe as you stood beside Newt, studying the bowtruckles as they reached their leafy hands out and grabbed the food. “Where’s Pickett?”

Chuckling, Newt looked down to his breast pocket where you found the tiny creature poking his head out.

“Hello there!” Waving to the tiny creature, you giggled as you remembered how he had told you the bowtruckle had attachment issues.

“What is that you’re feeding them?”

“Woodlice. Bowtruckles are very fond of it. They also eat fairy eggs but I prefer this.”

Wiping his hands on his trousers, Newt looked over to face you. The gleam in your eyes as you looked around you was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. You were so genuinely amazed and he could feel the eagerness to know more radiating off of you.

“Is there anything you’ve read about that you’d like to see?”

Your eyes met his and you pondered his question for a moment. “Do you have every magical creature in here?”

Shaking his head and chuckling, Newt placed his hand’s in his pockets and answered, “No... I only have a few as of now. My hope one day is to eventually travel and help rescue and nurture other magical creatures. Right now I only have a few.”

Your mind was racing. His world was so exciting, so new. You were jealous of it. All of this compared to yours was like something out of a fairytale. Right here, at the tip of his fingertips, was a whole new world.

“I....” You just blinked, staring at him as you tried to gather your thoughts, “This is.... incredible... It’s literally a whole new world... I can’t find the words.”

Newt blushed, watching as you turned around, taking in each and every detail around you. It was like nothing you had ever seen before. Sure, you had heard of extension charms but never in your wildest dreams did you ever imagine a case full of living creatures! That, to you, was more magical than anything you had ever dreamed up.

“Follow me...” Grabbing the bucket, Newt trailed off in another direction. You followed closely behind him, holding up your skirt to be sure you didn’t trip or fall over anything. Newt was like he was a whole new person inside here. His usual shyness seemed to have disappeared and he seemed so relaxed.

You followed behind the wizard as he brought you towards what looked like a hanging nest. He set the bucket down and encouraged you forward. Hesitant at first, you inched closer and watched as Newt reached in, mumbling softy as he then helped out a white silvery creature. It hopped from it’s nest, it’s hand in Newt’s and with big black eyes looked up to you. It looked almost like a monkey and you stiffened as your eyes met. 

“This here is Dougal. He’s my demiguise. He’s quite friendly. A little shy at first but once he gets to know you he’s a wonderful companion.”

You knelt down before the creature and it’s eyes followed yours. It watched you closely before slipping it’s hand from Newt’s and slowly inched towards you. It eyes you cautiously before reaching out and grabbing a strand of you H/C hair and gently playing with it. 

Chuckling, Newt watched as Dougal twirled your hair in-between his long slender fingers. “He likes you.”

Elated that the creature seemed to be fond of you, you took a seat on the ground, spreading your skirt out and letting it crawl in to your lap so it could continue playing with your hair. Newt took a seat alongside you and watched, his heart swelling in chest as he watched you two bond. Dougal seemed infatuated with you and Newt couldn't help but share that same feeling. 

“So...” He began, fiddling with his fingers in his lap, “Tell me about you. I’ve shown you about me. Now I’m curious about you.”

Letting out a small sigh, you gave the best fake smile you could as you glanced over to Newt. What was there to share? You lived a life of misery and absent of love. His was full of adventure and clearly a lot of love as you could see how he and his creatures bonded so closely to one another. 

“There’s not very much to share...”

Newt found that hard to believe. Leaning back on his hands behind him he cocked his head to the side as he studied you. For a woman with such a glow and a sparkle in her eyes he knew there was more to you than what you were letting off. 

“I find that impossible to believe.”

Blushing, you turned your eyes down to your lap and focusing on Dougal as he braided the strands of hair he had. Your mind began throwing out things to say but none of them were as interesting as his. 

“I.... I went to Hogwarts when I was younger. I was in [your house]. I didn’t have many friends. Well, I did but they weren't really,” you held your hands up and used your finger’s as quotations, “friends... My life was very much planned out for me by my father. He had to step down from his job as an auror when he became ill. I was in my last year of schooling and bout a year or so later he married me off to Nathaniel who is the son of one of the top Aurors in The Ministry. My mother was really the only person I had in my life who I could go to. She didn’t always agree with my father but respected him. Not only that but we needed the money in order to care for him and her. She told me my father did what he did out of love and wanting to be sure I always had the security of being happy and safe.”

“And are you happy?” 

Tears swelled in your eyes and you blinked them back quickly hoping he hadn't noticed. 

“Yes.”

The tone to your answer was evident that you were not but seeing as you two were hardly what they’d call ‘close’, Newt accepted your response and moved on.

“I went to Hogwart’s as well. I was expelled though for endangering human life.”

Shooting your head up you looked at him wide eyed as you waited for him to elaborate. Newt noticed and just gave you a lopsided smile and sighed.

“I didn’t have my many friends at Hogwarts either. The one friend I had played me and used me for my knowledge and love of magical creatures. She wanted to experiment with a Jarvey and it got loose.... I took the blame for her and well...” He shrugged, tugging at the laces on his boots. “I got expelled.”

As you sat there, watching him play with his boot laces you began to remember a year at Hogwarts when a student had been expelled. Realizing it was Newt you let out a tiny amused laugh and replied, “That was you who got expelled? I remember hearing that a student had been expelled but didn't know how. Granted I didn’t know many people and the talk died down rather quickly.”

Newt looked over to you and smiled, a look of accomplishment as he jokingly announced proudly, “It was me!”

Laughing you looked back to Dougal who now had more strands of hair and was very gently braiding them. He was so concentrated and you loved watching as he took each strand and gracefully placed it over the other and so on.

“It’s a shame we never crossed paths.” You breathed, glancing over to the wizard. His eyes met yours and you watched his freckled cheeks burn a light pink. About to respond he was cut off as Dougal stepped out of your lap and looked to you and admiring his creations. 

“How do I look?” Giggling, you moved your head see to side as the demiguise looked on proudly. Dougal looked to Newt, waiting his reaction and was pleased when Newt replied.

“Beautiful work, Dougal...” Newt’s eyes lingered on you longer than he anticipated. You blushed, tearing your eyes from his as Dougal then made his way to his nest. It seemed the creature was done and as Newt stood up he helped the creature back in to his habitat. Wiping the dirt from the back of his trousers, Newt held out his hand to help you up. You took it and smoothed your skirt out before looking up to the wizard again. He smiled at you nervously before remembering he had one more creature he wished to show you. 

Newt led you to what seemed like a tiny cave and as you grew closer you noticed a tiny twinkle.

“Are those.... coins?”

Nodding, Newt knelt down, motioning for you to join in. You did and as you peered inside you found a small fury creature nestled in a pile of not only coins, but also various necklaces and bracelets.

“This here is my niffler. Niffler’s are very fond of shiny objects. Best to keep all your valuables away from them.” He chuckled, watching as your hand shot up to your necklace around your neck. “Don’t worry. I won’t let him take anything.”

You blushed, realizing you must have looked foolish grabbing your jewelry in such a frenzy. This necklace meant nothing to you. It was a gift from Nathaniel and you knew if it went missing he’d know and question it.

The thought of Nathaniel suddenly made you sweat and you stood up, brushing your hair from your face.

“I... I should be going... Nathaniel will be home soon and I...” You paused, watching as the smile slowly disappeared from Newt’s face. He knew this adventure couldn’t last long.

Your word’s got caught in your throat and you struggled to find a way to tell Newt how unkind your husband would be if he found him here with you alone. Newt, however, understood completely.

“Let me just clean up quick and we can head back up.”

Brushing past you, Newt made his way back to his hut. You waited patiently as he put his things back and grabbed his coat. Reaching down to help you out of the case you thanked him and watched him shut it tightly.

The clock on the wall indicated your husband would be home in the next twenty minutes and you sighed, realizing your time with Newt had come to an end.

The two of your stood there silently. Newt’s eyes were glued to the floor as he swayed awkwardly on his heels.

“I supp-”

“I’d love to-”

You both smiled and looked at another. As you looked in to his eyes you continued speaking.“I’d love to see you again, Mr. Scamander. And perhaps your creatures? If that’s alright?”

Elated by your request, Newt nodded as he replied, a wide smile on his freckled face, “Of course.”

Unlocking the door, you held it open as Newt gently brushed past you.

“Goodnight, Mr. Scamander.”

He paused, his hand on his case tightening as he looked over you to and in a gentle voice replied, “Please... call me Newt.”

Smiling, you nodded at his request and with that, the wizard disappeared down the hall and out the doorway.

That evening as you lay in your bed, your husband fast asleep beside you, you smiled as you replayed the days adventure inside Newt’s case over and over in your mind.

The way he walked around with such a purpose inside his case, looking at his creatures with the most loving and gentle eyes. It was evident how much he cherished and cared about them. It was intoxicating how much a man could show such a vulnerable side and not feel threatened. Of all the men in your life, they had never shown such a side to them. They stood tall, proud and gave off the sense of power. But with Newt, he clearly displayed the opposite. His creatures were his life and he never wanted them to feel he was above them. To you, that was powerful in itself.

Your mind drifted from his case to his touch. The way his callused hands took yours in his, so gently, so lovingly, was foreign to you. Nathaniel never took your hand in his unless to express ownership or a sense of power of you. It was never a touch of love or to simply feel close.

Then there were his eyes... those intoxicating sea foam green eyes. The way that sparkled as he spoke or watched his creatures. Nathaniel’s eyes were always cold; always searching for a threat.

How someone you just met could have this much of an impression on you was terrifying. You never once lay in bed at night thinking about another person, let alone a man. You never experienced this feeling before. The feeling of longing to be held in a person’s arms. But with Newt, the moment you saw him roll his sleeves in his shed, you wondered what it would be like to have those strong arms wrap around you... to hold you close.

As Nathaniel shifted under the covers beside you you felt a smidge of a guilt wash over you. Was this wrong to do behind his back? You weren’t doing anything wrong, were you? It was just an unlikely friendship was all. Newt was lonely and you were lonely. The two of you merely found an innocent friendship in one another. Surely there was nothing to feel wrong about.

@toujourspotterhead @mirkwoodshewolf