#she’s so kind and loving and intelligent. just because she’s been in this fight longer than Luke has and is quicker to fuse doesn’t mean she

[limnsaber]

Sometimes I do get tired at how people seem to think that Leia’s anger is her sole personality trait and not a reaction to the state of the universe around her

[azrielslittleslut]

Hi! Would love an angsty fic with Az, where you’re his mate but never spoke up about it because he wanted Elain. So you are just sarcastic and snarky all the time to him so you don’t let yourself get attached. One day you both get sent on a mission together and end up trapped in a room with no way out and the oxygen levels going down. Very angst, probably with some comfort. Ending is up to you!

"Confessions"

Azriel x Reader

Warnings: language, angst, fluff

Word Count: 2.5k

Enjoy!

"So, you think we will find anything? Or is this just another waste of time?" You didn't bother to keep the bite out of your voice. You were tired, hungry, and cold, and you didn't want to look at the beautiful face of the shadowsinger any longer.

Azriel's dark brows shot up in surprise at your words. "Waste of time? Is that what you think this is?"

You looked up at the cave above where you and Az were hiding in the shadows behind a large rock. The cave was painted in strange runes that leaked with dark magic, the kind that nobody in Prythian had any business dabbling in. The cave was dark, save for the few torches that burned along the walls.

You sighed as you leaned against the damp wall of the cave, the cold cutting right through your leathers. "Yes. We've been searching for these rebels for months, all to no avail. I doubt tonight will be any different."

You and Az had been tasked to search for Illyrian rebels who had been less than happy about all of the deaths during the war with Hybern. They had been growing in numbers over the last few months, and they had already raided and burned down some of the Illyrian camps. They were ruthless and volatile, and many of the camplords had locked down their war camps, preventing anyone from entering or leaving. Curfews had been established, women and children were learning how to fight to defend themselves, and the warriors had started to create their own fighting legions within the camps.

The Illyrians were on the brink of a civil war. The Court of Dreams would no doubt be at the center of it. And it didn't help that Az had gained intelligence saying that the rebels had started using ancient and dark magic to further their agenda.

No, this mission wasn't a waste of time, but you would say anything to get Azriel off your fucking back. This male... He was so annoyingly perfect and handsome, so smart and intelligent... You wished you could hate him. You had tried to hate him, to push yourself away using sarcasm and rude comments.

But it was impossible to stay away, to hate him, especially since he was your mate. The bond had snapped a few years ago, right before the Archeron sisters had joined the Inner Circle. You had wanted to tell him, and you almost did, but you got scared once you realized the truth could ruin your friendship with Az.

So you held back, waiting for the right time. The right time never came, especially once you saw how smitten he was with Elain. You didn't miss those longing looks between them, or the way their scents changed when they were in the room together. It didn't matter that Elain had her own mate, whom she seemed intent on ignoring.

You couldn't blame the female. Azriel was the most beautiful male you had ever seen, and Elain wasn't the first female you had seen run to him, craving his attention and affection. You had never minded his lovers, as you had seen the way he had looked at them. He cared about them, of course, but he had always made it clear to them that they meant nothing to him romantically.

But every time he looked at Elain, you felt a knife stab through your heart. Az had never looked at a female that way, not even Mor. You would do anything for him to look at you that way, but instead, you had resorted to an acid tongue and cold looks.

Azriel's wings rustled, his shadows swirling as they hid the two of you from anyone who could be in the cave. "What's up with the attitude? You've been on edge all night," he snapped, his voice low.

You had been on edge for the last two years, ever since Elain had entered the picture, but you didn't point that out. "What's up with your attitude? You normally put up with mine so well."

Azriel rolled his eyes. "I just want to get back home safely, and that will be very difficult if you keep complaining instead of focusing on what we need to do here," he growled, his eyes glowing in the shadows.

Try as you might, you couldn't stop the words that spilled from your mouth. "You just want to get home so you can see sweet little Elain."

Az went still, his body rigid with what you assumed was anger. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

You opened your mouth to respond, the words you had been holding back for so long threatening to spill out. Why don't you want me? Am I not good enough for you? But before you could say anything, voices from the other end of the cave echoed along the walls. They were too far away to make out, the words swallowed up by the darkness.

"We will finish that discussion later," Azriel snarled quietly. "For now, let's finish this."

You took a breath, your mind numb as you realized what you had said. You had never brought up Elain to him, and now you worried that whatever fine thread your friendship had been attached to these past few years was now cut. "Alright," you murmured quietly, your heart racing in your chest. "What do we do?"

Azriel looked toward the end of the cave. "We follow the voices." He placed a hand on your arm, his grip tight. "Stay close to me. And do not make a sound."

Despite yourself, you let out a laugh. "This isn't my first time doing something like this, Azriel. Give me some credit."

"Whatever," Azriel grumbled before taking a step forward, his shadows still providing cover as he moved from behind the rock.

You silently followed, your eyes on his back as the two of you moved through the cave. The deeper you went, the darker it got. The smell was atrocious, full of rot and something dark that made it hard to breathe. You fought the urge to gag as your eyes looked at the walls. There were more runes here, carved in red paint.

Or maybe it was blood. You shuddered at the thought.

"This way," Azriel murmured quietly, his voice blending into the shadows. He veered left, leading you down a dank hallway. It ended in a room of some sort, the walls seeping with moisture. The room felt... wrong. Something here was off, and you didn't want to stick around and figure out what it was.

You walked into the center of the room, your boots crunching on something on the ground. You didn't look down, too afraid that you would see bones or something below your feet. "It's a dead-end," you whispered. "I think we need to go back." The hair on your neck tingled, your mind screaming at you to run.

Azriel took a step forward, and below his boots, there was crunching. No, it was a clicking noise. Click. Click. Click.

The walls lit up with those same runes from earlier, but this time they were glowing red. The air from the room seemed to be sucked out in a vacuum as the walls started to shake.

"Azriel!" you screamed, not caring if anyone heard you. You sprinted toward him, your voice breathless as you said, "We need to go. Now!"

Azriel turned on his heel, dragging you with him as he bolted for the door that led into the hallway. The runes were glowing so brightly it was almost blinding, and you squinted against the light, your eyes locked on Az's wings as he ran.

"Shit," Azriel barked as he slammed into an invisible wall blocking the doorway. He slammed his body into it a few times, his face scrunched up in fury and rage as he threw all of his weight into his movements.

You rushed to his side, your fists banging against the invisible wall. It felt like glass, but no matter how much the two of you hit it, there were no cracks or signs of it breaking.

"Don't tell me we're stuck in here," you gasped, sweat pouring down your face. You looked around the room, distantly noticing that the runes had stopped glowing. "We can't be stuck. This isn't happening."

Azriel was still staring at the doorway. "It's a trap," he murmured, mostly to himself. "I've never seen anything like this before." His eyes wandered to the now-dull runes on the wall. "Whatever magic they are using... it triggered this."

You took a breath, your chest tight. Why was it so hard to breathe? "Call for Rhys," you gasped. "Cassian. Feyre. Anyone."

Azriel shook his head. "Don't you think I've tried? This magic is dark, and it's blocking any magic I have." He looked at his shadows. They were almost translucent, their normally dark tendrils fading away. "Even my shadows are rendered useless."

"Oh, fuck," you cried, your chest moving rapidly. Your mind was foggy, and your heart was racing. You put a hand on your chest as a wave of dizziness hit you. "I can't breathe, Az. I can't fucking breathe."

Azriel darted forward, his strong hands catching you as your knees gave out. "Hey, hey," he murmured. "I need you to stay calm, alright? Now is not the time to have a panic attack, love."

Your ears were ringing so loudly that his words were muffled, but you didn't miss the fact that he called you 'love.' You smiled up at him, your vision blurry. "Do you remember what it felt like when the runes glowed? The air being sucked out?"

Azriel nodded, inky black strands of hair falling across his brow. "Y-yes," he stammered, his eyes full of worry. His chest was now too rising and falling at a rapid speed, his mouth opening and closing as he gasped for air. "What- what is happening?"

"Room is enchanted," you said between rapid breaths. "Oxygen is being taken out."

Azriel's hands were still gripping you tightly. "We have to get out of here," he said, his normally steady presence now filled with anxiety. "We can't die. Not like this. Not like this." He released your arms and stood, his eyes moving around the room, looking for an exit.

Your vision was starting to blur, dark spots dancing at the edges. Each breath was harder than the last, your lungs burning as they searched for the air that wasn't there. You could barely make out Azriel's hulking form as he walked around the room, looking like the shadows that normally surrounded his body.

But as the severity of the situation pressed in, something else surfaced in your mind- something you hadn't been ready to confront until now.

You were his mate, and he didn't know. Perhaps now, in these last moments, you should tell him. He had been wanting a mate for so long. He deserved to know.

The fear of rejection was nothing compared to the fear of dying, you realized. You didn't care if he wanted Elain. You didn't care if he didn't reciprocate your feelings. You wouldn't be alive long enough for it to matter, anyway.

"Azriel," you rasped, your hand reaching out to him. His gaze snapped to yours, concern deepening as he saw the panic in your eyes.

"Stay with me," he urged, his voice strained as he struggled to breath. "We'll find a way out. I swear it."

You didn't care about that, not now. Not with the air slipping away from you both like water through your fingers. "No, Az," you gasped, fighting for every word. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Don't talk," he said, his wings twitching as he moved toward you. He knelt down and ran a gentle hand across your sweaty brow. "We can't waste air."

You shook your head, even as the edges of your vision began to close in. "No. I have to say this." He looked at you, then, his gaze serious. "I'm your mate, Azriel."

Azriel's eyes widened, and for a moment, the world seemed to be still, even as the walls around continued to steal the air from your lungs. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His face, usually so calm, was a mask of shock, confusion, and something you couldn't place- something that looked like fear.

"I know you want Elain," you whispered as your eyes began to close, your body weakening. "You have to get out of here, Az. Go be happy with her." You paused for a moment, your lungs burning. "I just wanted you to know, before I die."

Before he could respond, the room pulsed. You both shuddered as the walls groaned, the final reserves of oxygen slipping away faster now. You could see the panic in his eyes as he reached for you, pulling you closer, as if holding you would keep you alive.

"Azriel," you whispered again. You could feel your body shutting down, your vision going dark. "I'm sorry... I didn't tell you sooner. Forgive me."

For a long moment, he said nothing, his breath coming in shallow gasps. His eyes softened as the fear and desperation melted away, replaced by gentleness. He cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing gently over your cheek.

"You're... you're my mate?" Azriel's voice was barely a whisper, and you barely heard him over the ringing in your ears.

You nodded, blinking through the dizziness. "Yes," you breathed out. "I didn't want to tell you like this, but... it's true."

Something shifted in Azriel's demeanor, and he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours, his breath hot and shaky against your skin. "I've waited my whole life for you. I don't want Elain. I never did. I've wanted you for so long, but I thought you didn't want me like that, so I never said anything." You wanted to laugh at his words. How could the two of you be so stupid and blind?

He continued on, his breathing rapid, "And I'm not losing you. Not here. Not now."

Suddenly, the room pulsed, but this time it was different- something in the bond between you two reacted. Azriel's shadows, which had been futile before, swirled around his shoulders, wrapping around the room's edges, searching out a weakness in the magic.

With a loud groan, the door creaked open, and the trap began to weaken. You and Az gasped as fresh air started to slowly filter back into the room.

"How?" you rasped, sitting up on your elbows. "How did this happen?"

Azriel grinned, and that dimple that you loved so much made an appearance. "Dark magic is strong," he said, his voice low, "but it is no match for true love. The bond of true love can break even the strongest of dark spells."

You chuckled as you leaned into him, savoring the warmth and strength of his body. "I love you. Gods, I love you, Azriel." The confession made the tightness in your chest loosen.

Azriel kissed the top of your head softly, his arms tightening around you. "I love you too, angel," he whispered, his voice filled with a tenderness that made your heart swell. "Just know, I'm never letting you go."

And with that, the room was still, the air fresh and cool, your bodies and hearts slowly coming back to life. Together.

general tag list: @quiet-loser @andreperez11 @lilah-asteria

@anarchiii @inkedinshadows @panther-girl-124

@scorpioriesling @olive-main

[suosgirl]

Keeping It Cute (& Dangerous) - Hayato Suo x Reader | Ch. 4

Word Count: 4970

୨ৎ Read me before interacting!

୨ৎ Pairing: Hayato Suo x Reader feat. Haruka Sakura, Akihiko Nirei, Taiga Tsugeura, Mitsuki Kiryu, Hajime Umemiya, Kotoha Tachibana

୨ৎ Warnings: mdni, f!reader, manga spoilers (?), ooc (?), loss of loved one, slowburn, teasing, misunderstandings, fighting, grief, swearing, ptsd, 2 stubborn idiots falling for each other – if I’ve missed one, I apologize + please let me know!

୨ৎ Note: Long ass chapter. Why? Because I'm a sucker for relationship development – that's all! (๑>؂•̀๑)

୨ৎ Keeping it Cute (& Dangerous) Masterlist

“If I could describe you in one word, Suo, I’d say that you’re –” “Intelligent? Patient? Cheeky?” “Insufferable.” He laughs lightly at your words as if you hadn’t just offended him, before gazing down at you with a look that screams mischief and something else that you can’t quite place yet.

It’s funny – before all of this, you didn’t think life could go any other way for you but the path you’d chosen. 

You were fine with being alone. If it guarantees the safety of your hometown, then so be it. If your brother could make sacrifices, then so could you.

And you did. 

Leaving wasn’t supposed to be easy, that much you knew. Walking away from the town meant you were leaving the memories you’d made there and the people that you’d grown to love. 

Was it lonely at first? Of course. But as with everything in life, it just took time for this to become your new normal. You knew what you had signed up for when you left – so were you really that shocked that you began missing the presence of others or the feeling of being needed?

Everything was fine – at least, that’s what you told yourself.

But, being here, in Makochi – you didn’t think you’d ever experience those feelings again.

That feeling of being wanted, needed, and loved.

And suddenly – you weren’t so alone anymore.

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It didn’t take much longer for the other boys to finally find where you and Suo were.

They came running in a frenzy, eyes wide and out of breath, and you couldn’t help the small chuckle that left your lips at the sight.

Did they really care that much? They didn’t even know you. But … they wanted to, and that meant more to you than you’d like to admit.

… It was getting harder to ignore the budding warmth in your chest and the crinkle in your eyes.

Whether it was due to Suo’s words or the overwhelming feeling of being, for the first time in what felt like forever, seen and understood – you allowed yourself, just this once, to hope again. 

Fine. If they wanted to, you’d let them. You’d take Suo’s words for face value, and meet them first with your head held up high, like a tiger would. Were you afraid? Absolutely. But – you were hopeful, and that made all the difference.

They stare at you, their faces expecting the worst, and you pity them just a bit. It wouldn’t do them any good to worry – and you were every bit gracious and kind, so you throw them a bone.

You were, after all, weak to dreamy guys.

“Alright,” you let out a deep sigh, “Who wants my number?”

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It starts with a simple invitation through text. 

Nirei messages you first, inviting you to meet him at a place called Café Pothos, and you genuinely consider saying no and that you’re busy – but then, you remember the puppy dog eyes that he has so diligently mastered, and you just can’t find it in your heart to say no to a face like that. 

(Unbeknownst to you, he’s quick to catch on. This would become your downfall.)

When you arrive, you recognize it as the place that they had brought you to before. Back then, you’d been in a much more hectic headspace, so you hadn’t taken the time to appreciate all the little details about it. Now, though, you were able to admire the flourishing plants all over the café and the aroma of coffee in the air. 

Upon entering, you see a girl behind the counter, and you’re quick to take a sharp inhale because – she’s pretty.

You weren’t sure what the people in Makochi ate, but it was terribly unfair that everyone here happened to be blessed with the most spectacular genes that you’ve ever witnessed in your life.

It was, quite honestly, so fucked up.

As you glance around the café, you notice that you’re the only one here – and that she’s staring at you with a good-natured grin on her face.

She’s warm and inviting as she beckons you over, asking what you’d like and if you’re from out of town.

(You make a mental note to gain some sort of backbone against attractive people.)

You easily fall into a conversation with her as she prepares a cup of coffee for you, and you learn that her name is Kotoha and that she’s over at the café more often than not. 

“You could easily be a model, you know,” you tell her earnestly, and she blushes as she waves off your comment.

Once you introduce yourself, her face lights up with recognition – and now, it was your turn to blush.

“Oh! That’s you! I’ve heard about you! In fact, they haven’t stopped talking about you –”

You should’ve expected this, really – but you didn’t. It had been so long since you were on the receiving end of showered praise like this, and you’d already gotten your fill a couple days prior. So, to say that this was overwhelming was an understatement.

“...And,” she continues with a wink, “You’re as pretty as they said you were.”

Your fingers shoot up to cover your lips – partly in shock but mostly in disbelief because you can’t wrap your head around the fact that they’ve been telling people that and – 

“Oh! What’s got you looking so red, bunny?”

…

You weren’t sure if you were going to make it long enough for Nirei to arrive.

Actually, you weren’t sure if you were going to make it long enough in this town.

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To your relief, Nirei comes soon after, and you’re saved from the onslaught of the two biggest instigators that you’ve ever met.

The minute he walks in, you’re immediately jumping out of your seat to greet him, and he matches your energy in a heartbeat. He’s greeting you just as enthusiastically, though you don’t have it in you to explain why you’re so happy to see him. And – you notice that he’s tacked on “-san” to the end of your name.

(If you squint, you can almost make out the furious wagging of a tail.)

The eyes of Suo and Kotoha glinting with sadistic delight behind you only serve as a reminder of the hell that you had once endured, and you silently thank whatever higher power is out there that Nirei has the heart of an angel.

“Thank you for meeting me here! I meant to ask you this when we first met, but you just kept running away!”

On second thought, you’re not so sure now about that last tidbit. 

He begins bombarding you with questions, from your height, to your blood type, to what you look for in a partner, and you briefly wonder if the town of Makochi is hell personified.

“How about we sit down first, Nirei? At, uh – the table right over there in the corner.”

Nirei nods, and you’re so glad that he’s at least a good listener – until he spots Kotoha and Suo.

In the same fashion that a puppy would, he instantly goes over to greet them, takes a seat, looks at you, then pulls out the seat next to him – and pats it with his hand. 

“I –”, you stumble over your words, shaking your head at him. 

Oh god, were you the puppy?

… No. You were NOT a puppy (or a bunny).

You would stand your ground, and give him an ultimatum. That’s what you would do.

But then he starts giving you the eyes, the puppy dog eyes, and you feel yourself start to waver — but you must persist. 

When faced with a challenge, when standing in the path of uncertainty, you must prevail and —

Kotoha and Suo join in, though their eyes don’t quite hit that same twinkle of desperation that Nirei’s does.

Still — you admit defeat.

You sigh before slowly trudging over to the chair that had been so kindly pulled out for you. You really had to pull yourself together. 

Tomorrow, you tell yourself. Tomorrow. I’ll have a backbone by tomorrow.

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You do not, in fact, build a backbone.

At this point, you’re not even sure you know what a backbone even is anymore.

What you do know, though, is that – 

Muscle Power is one of Tsugeura’s favorite food joints in Makochi. You personally really like their banana pound cake – and he knows this. So, whenever he’s in the mood to go when everyone else conveniently can’t – he knows that he can always count on you to keep him company. 

You also find out that he’s really into wrestling, though you’re not so sure if this was much of a secret in the first place. It had all happened so casually too, and honestly, you hadn’t even noticed when you chimed into the conversation. 

The 6 of you were sat at the café, though you were sat at a table separate from theirs as you calculate your budget for the month. You thought it’d be a peaceful experience, just you in a corner and Kotoha behind the counter, but once one of them starts filing in, they all file in.

You try to block them out as best you can as you do calculation after calculation, but you were never that good at multitasking. As your concentration shifts to focus on the numbers in your notebook, you subconsciously start picking up on their conversation. 

You hear Tsugeura go on a tangent about BxB Hulk, a wrestler that both you and your brother had really admired, but he seems stuck as he tries to remember the year he made his debut.

“...2005,” you say absentmindedly, deep in thought as you stare at your notebook, “... with the Dragon Gate Dojo.”

You go to circle something, but Tsugeura’s gasp of shock makes you jump instead. You go to give him an accusatory look, but they’re all looking at you in a similar fashion. 

You blink at their reactions before tilting your head, “What?... I’m not wrong, am I?”

You had no idea that those words would give you a permanent spot as Tsugeura’s #1 person to talk about wrestling with – and you’d never admit this but – you were just as passionate about it as he was.

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You learn that Kiryu is stupidly good at crane games – though, you’ve been able to win a couple stuffed animals for him too so you’d say it’s even. He also teaches you some of his favorite hairstyles, and you do, in fact, confirm that his hair smells as good as it looks. 

When you find out about his older sister, everything suddenly clicks for you, and you understand now why you’re so comfortable around him and why he’s so good at being able to pick up on even the smallest changes in you.

Whenever your time of the month came, he’d seem to always be stocked up with chocolate, an extra pad or two, and ibuprofen. If you did something new with your makeup, like a new lip color or a different pair of lashes, it’d be the first thing that he comments on when he sees you. And – he always checks in on you. If it’s been a couple of days since you’d last seen them, he’s sending you a quick text asking if you’ve eaten or inviting you to a casual hangout. 

There seems to be no end to his thoughtfulness, and it’s something that you learn to appreciate very deeply. 

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Sakura, despite the attitude he portrays and the things he may say, is a huge softie (you belatedly find out that the pink, sometimes red, on his face that blooms at the most random of times is in fact not a skin condition but indeed his blush).

And, you’re glad to learn that he’s as strong as he says he is.

It begins with a petty argument – something about vegetables and how he doesn’t eat them – but you’re both so stubborn that your harmless comment eventually turns into an all out confrontation. And, when he asks if you want to take it outside – you say yes.

You admit that you were worried that he’d be the type to pull back his punches in a fight because you’re you, but you’re pleasantly surprised when he, instead, runs towards you with all the strength of a bulldozer.

As you dodge and evade his moves, you realize how talented he truly is. You had a feeling, of course, but to see in action the way that he has total control of his body is a different beast altogether. 

When you get in close to try and land a kick to his head, you see a smile on his face as he blocks it with his arms. But his smile isn’t condescending or mocking. No, this is a smile that shows that he’s having fun, that he finds you worthy – and you don’t try to stop the smile that’s growing on your face either.

He really reminded you of your brother.

Your sparring only lasts for a couple of minutes before Nirei pulls out those damned puppy dog eyes, but it's enough for you both to find newfound respect in one another. 

And, as he goes to fix his jacket, he mutters a quiet, “I took that seriously, y’know.”

You grin, a radiant laugh bursting from your lips as you look up at him and say, “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

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To your surprise, Nirei has a sharp memory and an even sharper tongue.

You’ve tried to lie your way out of several hangouts – he always calls you out with no remorse.

(“Ah, man, I’d love to, truly, but I forgot that my laundry is out drying so I really should –”

“You said you folded your clothes yesterday, remember?”)

But as much as you hated it, you couldn’t help but also appreciate the way that he genuinely cared for his friends with his heart on his sleeve. He was earnest, loyal, and caring – everything that you’d soon come to admire about him.

And, when he finds out that you enjoy going to secondhand stores too? Oh, he blows up your phone at least 3 times a month asking if you’d like to join him on yet another “hunt”. This, though, was a hangout that you’d never say no to. It was always so fun getting to dig around together to see what you could find (your brother was never one for shopping), and you enjoyed this time because you got to know even more about the other boys through Nirei, who spoke about them with shining eyes and pride in his voice. 

He really was an amazing storyteller – and an even better friend.

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Kotoha is as honest as she is loving – and you’re so grateful to have grown so close to her within such a short time. After your initial meeting, you find yourself hanging out at Café Pothos way more often than you’d like to admit, and you come to admire how diligent, hardworking, and compassionate she is. 

Your friendship with her blossoms naturally, and at some point she begins to join you and Nirei on your little thrifting trips. She becomes someone that you feel comfortable with confiding in, and you’re delighted to find out that it goes both ways. 

And aside from all of this – she also manages to help you get a job at Café Pothos alongside her.

When you’d mindlessly mentioned once that you were running short on your funds from your last job (as a result of all the hangouts that you were, regretfully, indulging in), Kotoha was the one who offered to see if there was an opening available at the café. When you came in on your first day for training – she was the one showing you the ropes and guiding you with her hands.

And, when you finally met her brother, well – 

The first time you meet Umemiya, you (understandably) burst into tears, and he (understandably) freaks the fuck out.

Nirei, with your tearful eyes and a nod of approval, clues him in on your backstory.

By the end of it, you’ve managed to slow down the crying to only a few tears, a fond look on your face as you listen to Nirei speak.

You open your mouth, ready to apologize but Umemiya beats you to it.

He has a hand gently patting the top of your head, and a smile on his face.

But that smile – it says so many things all at once.

So many things that you haven’t felt in so long.

“He would be proud of who you’ve become.” 

And, for the first time since his death, you finally let your body relax.

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But Suo, despite all of this, remains ever mysterious and tight-lipped.

You still don’t know too much about him, and you’re not privy to prying for information either (though you admit that you’ve asked Nirei about him once or twice). What you are able to gather, however, is that Suo is a huge pain in your ass. The teasing never ends, he always has his eye on you at all times, and – 

At first, you think he’s just being nice.

A warm hand on your lower back guiding you through the bustling crowd of the town. 

A sweet smile on his face whenever he greets you or catches sight of your familiar head of hair.

A passing remark about how pretty your eyes look that day.

But then – 

You notice his hands linger just a bit longer than normal, and they’re starting to gravitate just a little bit lower or just a bit higher, until the resting of his hand on your waist or your hips becomes a new normal.

His smile, you realize, is much more than just sweet. Sometimes, you’ll catch a hint of endearment or amusement, as if he’s in on a joke that you know nothing about.

And the remarks? They progress from just being about your eyes to your hairstyle that day, or your outfit, or your smile, or your laugh.

But it doesn’t just stop there – it seems that, if you’re not working, he’s got to be touching you at all times. Your legs pressed firmly together whenever you sat next to each other. His hands wrapped around your waist when he moves around you. Your arms always touching when you’re standing beside each other. 

And any chance he gets, he’s whispering in your ear. It could be anything, from explaining something that gets brought up when you’re with the group, to casually talking about the weather.

But sometimes, with his lips so close to your ear that you can feel the warm puffs of his breath, he’ll lower his voice just the littlest bit, make his words sound the tiniest bit breathless and then – 

He pulls away, with that stupid little smile on his face and mirth in his eyes.

Everytime, everytime he does it, you’re left flustered and alone, with a hand held up to your ear as if to hold on just a little bit longer to the sensation, to the feeling of his lips so close to you.

And he never ever calls you your name. In fact, you don’t think you’ve ever heard it leave his lips – at least not when he’s around you. 

“Wow bunny, you’re so strong!”

“Bunny, play nice –”

“Oh bunny, you’re here!”

All the “bunny” this and “bunny” that messes with your head. So much so that Suo could say it in a crowded room and you’re already turning your attention to him to see what he wants.

(And if you were to think about it a while longer, you’d realize that no one else uses that affectionate name on you. You’d realize that people have tried, but when they look up, Suo’s already got an eye on them and a tight-lipped smile on his face – and it sends shivers down their spine. Not like you’d recognize that they’re calling you though, your ears only attuned to the way that Suo calls it out.)

Working at the café doesn’t help.

From the moment you clock in to the moment you clock out, you can expect Suo to pop in at least once during your shift – twice if he comes early in the day to have a cup of tea with Sakura and Nirei.

And everytime, everytime you clock out – he’s patiently waiting to walk you home.

It starts on your first day – and you were not prepared for the sight of him, in all his lovely glory, to be standing outside with a smile on his face as you locked up the doors. It was such a shock that you’d dropped the keys in panic, and he quickly bent down to grab them before handing it to you.

When he grabs your hand and gently drops the keys in your palm, you don’t miss the way his thumb caresses yours.

His hands were so damn warm – and soft.

“I – what are you doing here?”

“Is it a crime to escort you home?”

Your lips part in surprise, and you can feel the way your breathing is starting to quicken in response.

“No, uh … it’s not. But –”

He laughs, and you notice that he’s still holding your hand in his.

You don’t make a move to remove it.

“Everyone’s been hanging out with you. I just wanted some time for myself, that’s all.”

His words catch you off guard, and he takes that silence as an invitation to continue.

“Besides – I’m the one who convinced you to stay. Shouldn’t I be able to spend time with you as well?”

You … don’t have a good enough reason to say no.

So, you let it happen.

During the walk, you talk about all the mundane things, from how your day went to what you had for lunch.

And, if your shoulders occasionally bump into one another or your fingers accidentally brush, well –

Neither of you mention it.

When you finally make it to your apartment, he follows you right up to the door. You feel his looming presence behind you, and the warmth emanating from his body, and it takes everything in your power not to drop your keys again.

And, once your door finally unlocks, you feel a shift behind you.

Suddenly, his hands are on either side of the doorframe, caging you in, and your back is pressed flush against his chest.

And goodness did his chest feel strong.

He’s so so close that you can hear his lips part and his soft inhale as he whispers coyly into your ear, “Sweet dreams, bunny.”

Before you can react, he’s already taken a step back with his hand waving goodbye and an innocent smile on his face.

You think about it for the rest of the night.

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It goes on like this for months, and you’re not sure what sick and twisted game he’s playing at, but he never explains his behavior, never confesses his feelings, never addresses the elephant in the room.

And you – well, you’re not sure how to even bring it up.

It’s not that you’re mad about it (quite the opposite), but every touch, every whisper, every smile leaves you wanting more.

But you weren’t sure if you could handle more. Not if it was going to be like this. Your poor heart wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Suo had started a craving that you weren’t sure could ever be satisfied, but no matter how much you tried to ward him off, he remained persistent and stubborn.

“You really don’t have to do this, Suo — though I appreciate the gesture,” you remark, your head tilted up to gauge his reaction as he walks in stride with you.

“But I enjoy doing it, so what’s the issue?”

“The issue, Suo, is that I’m perfectly capable of walking home alone. Shouldn’t you be – oh, I don’t know – spending your time with people who might actually need help?”

He takes a moment to think about this – at least, he acts like he does. But, you know better. You’re starting to be able to differentiate when he’s being sarcastic and when he’s not, and right now, as he brings his finger up to tap “thoughtfully” on his chin, you can’t help but feel the urge to humble him just the tiniest bit.

So you do.

“If I could describe you in one word, Suo, I’d say that you’re –”

“Intelligent? Patient? Cheeky?”

“Insufferable.”

He laughs lightly at your words as if you hadn’t just offended him, before gazing down at you with a look that screams mischief and something else that you can’t quite place yet.

And, with an air of casualty, as if you’d both just been talking about the different blends of tea, he responds with – 

“If you find me insufferable now, I can’t imagine how you would describe me as your lover.”

…

You come to a stop, your eyes blinking rapidly as you try to take in what he’s said but he cuts off your train of thought.

“Looks like you’re home now, my little bunny. This was pleasant, as always.”

Looking around, you deflate at the fact that he was right, you’d stopped right in front of your door, but you needed answers – now.

You go to open your mouth, but he’s quicker – “Oh, sorry, but I really can’t stay and chat. I’ve got to, oh, I don’t know, see if anyone needs my assistance.”

That … shut you up real quick. 

You hated when he made you eat your words.

Biting back your tongue, all you can do is huff as you make your way inside, his eye burning a hole into the back of your head – and, if you weren’t so deep in distress, you’d hear the soft twinkle of satisfied laughter in his wake as he walks down the street.

God, he really was insufferable. 

—

That night, you sit up with a sudden realization as it hits you.

You knew that look.

That was the look that he gave his opponents –

The one that would dare them to fight him, to challenge him, to provoke him.

He was challenging you, daring you, provoking you.

He wanted to see if you’d break first.

He wanted to see if you’d give in.

You laugh so hard that your eyes start to water – and it’s full of disbelief and shock and amusement.

Like hell you’d let that happen.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

You are your brother’s sister, and his stubbornness and competitive streak had been passed down to you tenfold. 

So, you catch up to Suo’s speed – fast.

Now you were the one initiating contact, touching him, teasing him.

Whenever he walked you home, you made sure to hold onto his arm, running your fingers up and down his bicep as you conversed. 

And, you don’t just let go.

No. You were better than that.

Instead, you’d run your hand down his whole arm as you separated, until you got to his hand – then, you’d hold onto that until all that was left was the tip of his pointer finger.

You’d give it a gentle squeeze, thanking him for walking you home, before letting it drop from your grasp.

You don’t miss the way his eyes follow the path of your hand every time, as if entranced by the feeling and the sight. 

Anytime he came into the café with Sakura and Nirei, you’d make sure to briefly touch his shoulder whenever you passed him, or hold onto his hand just a beat longer when handing him his tea.

(And, without fail, Sakura and Nirei erupt in striking hues of red and pink everytime. Though, Suo and you don’t pay them much attention. Kotoha will give you a knowing look, but you feign ignorance.)

You were no stranger to sugar coated words, either – so, you make it a goal to compliment him at least once every time you see him.

And, of course, you give him a nickname too. You take your time when you think of it because you really want it to stick – you really want it to have the same effect on him as it has on you.

So, you start calling him by his first name – and it works. 

“Hayato, you smell so good today.”

“Oh my Hayato, aren’t you looking handsome~”

“Ah, I missed you, Hayato.”

And, the first time you whisper in his ear, light and airy and sweet, you feel dejected when it doesn’t have the same effect on him as it has on you. You’re brought back to the night that he had confronted you, and you’re honestly a bit sad that it seems things haven’t changed.

You begin to pull away, but something catches your eye. So slight and so small that you wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t so close. It’s the way his jaw tightens, the way he presses his lips together hard and restrained, the way that he clenches his fists until the whites of his knuckles peek out under the heated skin. And, you hear it – that sharp intake of breath.

His reaction makes you sway just the tiniest bit – and you want to see more. You want to see him flustered and flushed and desperate in the same way he’s made you.

You wanted him to lose his composure.

But – you and Suo keep it cute and casual and friendly.

Simply waiting for the other to break first.

If anyone is brave enough to bring it up, well – 

You both shake your heads in denial, a quick “no” rolling off the tips of your tongues.

(They’ll simply nod at your responses, but their eyes stay glued to the spot under the table where Suo’s got his hand splayed out on your thigh and the arm you’ve got wrapped around his to keep him there.)

… Who knew a friendly competitive sparring match amongst Bofurin would be his downfall?

୨ৎ Chapter 5

[hereforreadandwrite]

Chapter One

Masterlist

You were not a mortal like the others. Thanks to your abilities, you had become the protector of the lands of Midgard. You knew every corner, every inhabitant, every magical creature and other that there was in this Kingdoms. She was also known in all the other Kingdoms. You loved to fly. It was a feeling of ultimate freedom. You loved visiting Mimir and Sigrun in Asgard. You considered them your parents. Mimir had taught you his knowledge and Sigrun had taught you how to fight.

You had a happy life overall even if there was a dark spot on this idyllic picture.

Odin was interested in your intelligence, your secrets. He had become obsessed with this creature. You had the appearance of a young woman who had just reached adulthood, but your aging was much slower than normal, you had long (Y/H/C) slightly curled hair that reached to your shoulders, your (Y/E/C) eyes sparkling with life, full lips, you weren't very tall, but what was really intriguing was your immense black wings like darkness which made your size and that you could become a nightmare being when you wanted to scare your enemies. You were a divine creature, that he dreamed of having. He dreamed of dissecting you to know everything about you.

How were you born with wings?

How could you stay young for so long?

How can you take your nightmare form to scare your enemies?

Seeing that Odin was becoming more and more obsessed with you, Mimir and Sigrun asked you not to go to Asgard anymore, for fear that the Allfather would come after you. You were saddened by this request, but you obeyed. You had returned to Midgard, your Homeland, and you had not returned to Asgard. Odin became mad with rage. Upon learning that Mimir and Sigrun were responsible, he decided to punish them. He imprisoned Mimir in a tree on the top of a mountain, far from civilization, and cursed Sigrun and the other Valkyries. But that wasn't the only thing Odin did. He found you in Midgard. He had seen you take care of Jormungandr. To trap you, he took the appearance of Mimir. You had let your guard down. You were happy to see your adoptive father again after all this time. To celebrate your reunion, "Mimir" you had offered a Mead verse, but Odin had slipped in a drug powerful enough to keep you asleep. When you came to your senses, you felt that something was wrong. your back hurt excruciatingly. Dread filled you as you ran your hand down your back.

Your wings were no longer there.

That night, your cry of despair was heard throughout Midgard.

Because of Odin's obsession, you lost your parents, the Valkyries and your wings. You were alone and filled with sadness. You had left your human form behind, leaving only your nightmarish form visible, scaring away all people and creatures who tried to approach you. In your sadness, you had taken up residence in the council of Valkyries. You had discovered a breach where your adoptive mother was sealed. So you stayed there, protected your mother against anything and anyone who dared to set foot in your living space. But that didn't stop the God of War: Tyr himself from coming to meet you.

“You’re not welcome here, especially your kind,” you said through gritted teeth. “Go away before one of us gets hurt.”

“(Y/N)... what happened to you?” Tyr asked, saddened by seeing your pitiful state.

"You know what happened to me! Everyone knows what happened!" you yelled, turning towards Tyr and slowly moving closer to him. "Odin. Your bastard father tricked me and took everything I had! My father! My mother! My family! My wings! He took everything from me! Look at that! This is what's left of my mother. The Valkyries... have been sealed away... I don't know where or what happened to my father."

"You can't stay here, (Y/N). It's... unhealthy for you to live here, next to this breach."

“I’m protecting my mother,” you said, returning to the gap. “Go back to your father Tyr. And leave me to my sorrow.”

"The (Y/N) I knew would never have felt sorry for herself. She would have found a way to find her parents and her wings."

"Ah! I forgot about your sense of humor Tyr," you said, turning to the Norse God of War. "But I'm not suicidal. Remember, we're talking about your father. The Allfather. The one who knows everything and has mastered many techniques. Do you think I'm that stupid? Do you seriously think I could undo his curses? You think I haven't tried?! I tried everything to free my mother, but... there's nothing I can do. I don't know where the other Valkyries are locked up. I don't know what I should to do. I became... powerless."

You sat on one of the many thrones of the Valkyries, biting your lip, holding back tears. You were helpless. There was nothing you couldn't do to save your parents and the Valkyries. Tyr moved closer, sitting on the ground, facing you. He ran his fingers over your forehead, brushing a strand of greasy hair out of your eyes. How long have you been waiting here? How long have you been fighting those who had the misfortune to approach the breach? You no longer looked like the smiling, lively girl Tyr saw training with the Valkyries. He had seen you flying many times in the skies of Asgard and Midgard. Tyr sighed, running his fingers over your cheek.

"You must not be left alone with this sadness. Mimir and Sigrun would like you to continue living. They would not want you to stay here waiting for death to come and get you."

“How?”

"Come with me. I can help you. If you want, of course." Tyr stood up, extending his hand towards you.

You looked at the gap one last time before looking at Tyr. You placed your hand in his, accepting his offer. You rose from the throne, following the God Aesir outside the council of Valkyries. Tyr had taken you to safety. Where he was sure Odin wouldn't find you. He helped you build a house on the mountainside. He installed a magical barrier to protect you from Odin's evil eyes. It would come as no surprise that the Allfather spent his time observing your despair. Tire was sure to build you a sufficiently comfortable house. He had done everything alone. You stayed in your corner, brooding. Guilty for having abandoned the one who saved and educated you. Tyr had been patient with you. He didn't complain when he finished building your house and the furniture. He hadn't complained when you just laid back in the bed, not moving an inch.

Anger had given way to sadness.

Tyr had stayed with you, making sure you ate well and that you left the bed and the house for a bit. He had installed a five kilometer protective fence to allow you to go out a little and hunt in the woods.

“I understand your pain, (Y/N). More than you think,” Tyr said as he walked through the forest, alongside you. "You'll get through it. But for that, you also have to put in the work. It's not healthy to lie down all day either."

"To do what?" you asked resignedly. "I always trained with the Valkyries or father taught me his wisdom. Other than waiting for the norns to free me from this suffering, I have nothing to do."

"It's wrong!" Tyr exclaimed, glaring at you harshly. "You are the daughter of the Queen of the Valkyries and the smartest man of this Nine Kingdoms could bear! You were trained by the Valkyries! They would be ashamed to know what you have become!"

You felt your heart tighten upon hearing his words. Would your family be ashamed of what you have become? You leaned against a tree, sliding down the trunk, sitting on the ground. Tyr sighed, kneeling in front of you.

"Forgive me for raising my voice. But you can't let Odin win. You have to show otherwise. Take charge of your life. Even though he took away your wings, you are still capable of fighting back. fight, to be diplomatic. You are smarter than Odin. What he wanted by doing this to you was to see your reaction, to see what you were capable of doing when you were in the grip of despair ,” he said, taking your face in his hands. "This is all just a perverse game for him. A game that you are capable of winning. You are strong."

"Me? Strong?"

"Yes, you always were. You just forgot. I want to help you. But for that, you have to let me help you," he said, wiping a tear from your cheek. "Do not succumb to despair as Odin wishes."

"I... I don't know if I'm still capable of fighting. I... my mother and the Valkyries... I... I haven't finished my training. My father always had things to teach me.”

“I'm not saying I'm as good as the Valkyries or Mimir, but with my travels, I can teach you some things,” Tyr announced, letting go of your face. "Now you're going to get back up and become even better. You better be ready. I'm not going to let you down."

Tyr kept his word. The months in Midgard were punctuated by training. The God of War made you leave your bed at dawn to do yoga or tai chi. According to him, it allowed him to clear his mind and rethink his priorities. After that, he trained you in combat. Even though Tyr was peaceful, he wasn't the God of War for nothing. He had learned many things from his travels. The first fight was tough. You never thought you would be so exhausted and in pain. Every muscle in your body hurt so bad and the punch he delivered to your stomach had made you give up your meal. After that, you couldn't move. Tyr had to carry you back. You sighed, laying down on the ground, staring up at the sky. The Sun was setting, tinting the sky orange and pink. Tyr made his weapons disappear before sitting down beside you.

"You have made enormous progress in such a short time. This shows the training of Sigrun and your aunts," praised Tyr who was as out of breath as you.

“Thank...I guess,” you said, sitting up.

“I mean it,” Tyr replied, glaring at you. “You look better like this.”

"How so?"

"Haven't you noticed that you no longer have your nightmare form?"

You took out your sword, observing your reflection in the blade, seeing that Tyr was not wrong. You had your human form again. You ran your hand over your cheek putting your sword away.

“That’s a good thing,” Tyr said, smiling at you. “You’re taking back control.”

"But then... if I regain control. Does that mean it's over?" you asked, wrapping your arms around your legs. “Will you leave me alone?”

“In all honesty,” he began, moving closer to you. “Once we’re near you, it’s hard to let go of your presence.”

Following this confession, you blushed. You stood up abruptly, exclaiming that you were coming home first. You were in the house, slamming the door so Tyr would stay outside. You remained leaning against the door, not knowing what to do or think about this confession. Was it difficult for him to get rid of your presence? What did that mean? Why would Tyr say such a thing? It didn't make any sense. You jumped when you heard the God Aesir knocking on the door, asking to come in so you could discuss what he had just told you, but you were afraid to open the door. You were afraid of what Tyr might say or do. You weren't stupid, but with all the training and teaching you received, you never had time to be interested in men. Especially because of Odin's unhealthy and obnoxious behavior from his other sons and grandchildren.

"(Y/N)? Will you let me in?" Tyr asked, knocking on the door again.

"I...I can't do this!" you exclaimed, leaning against the door. "I... something is going to happen! I don't want anything to happen!"

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm sorry for putting you through this embarrassment. I...what I meant was..."

"No! Shut up!"

Silence fell, you slid along the door, sitting on the floor. You buried your face in your arms, thinking about Tyr's words. You had lost everyone you loved. Were you willing to risk losing someone else? Were you ready to hear his words?

"You don't have to let me in, but know that it's not just empty words. I...I greatly enjoy your company. When you left Asgard, I looked for you. I was... I had to find you. I had to know that you were okay. I had to see with my own eyes that you were alive. I was... happy and relieved when I I saw the council of the Valkyries. I... I was ready to return the Nine Realms to be able to find you. I always appreciated your presence. I always appreciated our discussions. I enjoyed observing your training with the Valkyries. When you fought, you did it with such fervor that no one could look away. Once they see you, it's hard to look away."

You felt like your face was on fire. Why did Tyr have to tell you such things? You raised your head, looking at the door uncertainly. Should you open the door for him? But you knew that if you opened the door, it was going to be a point of no return. You stood up, staring at the door. You took a deep breath, grabbing the handle. You took a deep breath, opening the door.

A voice in your head told you it was a mistake to allow Tyr inside. She told you it was a mistake when he kissed you. She told you it was a mistake when he undressed you to make love to you.

You had decided to ignore that voice and allow Tyr to touch you like he did. You could still feel his warm hands caressing your body. You allowed him to love you and you allowed yourself to love him back.

You wanted to be happy and you were. You were happy with Tyr. You were happy when he proposed to you. Tyr managed to make your discomfort disappear. This joy has lasted several winters, until this day. One night, you woke up to find your husband standing in the wide open doorway. Tyr watched the wind blow fiercely and the rain crash onto the ground.

“Tyr,” you called, sitting up.

“This storm does not bode well,” Tyr said without turning his attention from the garden. "What do I have to do?"

You wrapped the blanket around your shoulders, leaving the warm bed to move closer to your husband. Tyr was taken out of his thoughts. He placed his golden eyes on your person. His stern expression softened when he saw you. He ran his hand over your cheek.

"I'll have to go to Asgard," Tyr announced.

"Asgard? Why would you go there?" you asked, feeling terror overcome you.

Why would Tyr want to return to Asgard? It was suicide. Odin was probably waiting for this moment to attack him. You shook your head, walking away from your husband. Tyr sighed, closing the door behind him, moving closer to you.

“(Y/N)…”

"This is what Odin is waiting for. He is waiting for you to come back so he can trap you!" you exclaimed, looking at him in horror. "He's already taken my wings, my parents and the Valkyries. If I lose you too, I... I don't know if I can handle it."

You sat on the bed, unable to imagine a world without Tyr. The God of War Aesir was all you had left in his Nine Realms. He had saved you. He had stopped you from falling into madness. If Odin were to take it away from you, you didn't know what you would be capable of against yourself or against Midgard. Tyr came to settle at your side. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you against him. He placed a kiss on the top of your head before pressing his cheek to it.

"I already told you: once we are near you, it is difficult to get rid of your presence. And besides, what kind of husband would I be if I abandoned my wife?"

“The kind of husband who will be chased by his wife so that she can kill him with her own hands,” you said, looking severely at Tyr who was smiling, laughing slightly.

“I don’t doubt it,” he replied, resting his forehead on yours. "I promise I'll come back to you, (Y/N). I'll only be gone for a few days."

It was all a lie.

Tyr never came back to you.

You waited. A moon passed, then two, then three and so on. Yet you continued to wait for him, crying in your bed, becoming cold from his absence. It took you three winters to realize that Odin probably didn't let him leave Asgard alive. The Allfather had succeeded. He had taken your beloved husband from you.

[avengerscompound]

Shared Experience - Chapter 9

Shared Experience - A Captain America Fanfic

MasterlistPREVIOUS //

Rating:  E

Warnings:  Canon typical violence, fighting, injuries, blood, blood-drinking.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Rose Astor

Word Count: 2109

Summary:  Rose Astor met her end in 1920, joining the ranks of the living dead two years after the birth of Steve Rogers.  A century later the two meet in battle - a beacon of light clashing with a creature of the night.  Despite their differences, the two bond over their shared life experiences.  Can a vampire become an Avenger?  Can two such different beings create a life together?

Chapter 9

Rose couldn’t remember a time in her life when she felt as good as she did right now.  Not even before she had been turned did she feel as at home in her skin as she did currently.  She’d spent so much of her life trying to fit in or stand out that she never quite found who she was, and then before she had a chance her life had been stolen.  She wondered if she’d been turned because fate wanted her to be here at this particular time and place.  Did destiny design her life so that she’d end up being alive now?

It wasn’t just that she was falling deeper and deeper in love with Steve Rogers.  That was part of it.  Steve was brave, kind, handsome, and intelligent.  He had this ability to be patient with her when she needed patience, and to not take her shit when that’s what she needed.  They had a history that was so in line and so strange that it felt like the universe had brought them together.  He was her friend, her guide, her lover, and her safe space.  She had never relied on anyone and now she had trouble imagining him not being part of her life.

Steve was just a part of the whole.  The rest of it was made by the Avengers.

Being a superhero was everything she never knew she needed.  No longer did she feel like an outsider, always destined to be separate from humans, and only seeing them as her prey.  She now had friends and she helped people.  She hadn’t drunk directly from anyone for so long she’d almost forgotten how good it felt.  Sometimes when she and Steve made love, her fangs would extend and she’d feel the urge to sink them into him, but it was now easy to resist the urge.  She didn’t feel the need to test herself out of boredom.  Every training session tested her, and every mission she could prove what she was capable of.

The current mission had been testing her to breaking.  Steve, Clint, Bucky, Natasha, Sam, and Rose had gone into a remote part of Russia to empty a HYDRA base.  Rose had been separated from them when the sun came up and she’d had to go to ground.  When she’d dug back out of the earth, there was an extra two feet of snow to claw her way through.  She was wet and cold and she had no idea where anyone was.

She turned on her comms and there crackled in her ear. “Hello.  Is anyone on channel?” she asked.

There was a static buzz in reply.  Then a very faint, “Rose?”

“Yes.  I’m up.  Sorry.  Where are you all?” she said. 

There was a loud crackle that echoed in the empty space before any voices came through.  “... here … you should … if… right there.”

Rose had no idea how to interpret any of that.  It was just a string of random words that anything could have fit between.  “I didn’t read that,” she replied. “Repeat.”

There was only static in reply and then it cut out completely.  “Shit,” Rose cursed.

She lifted her head and began to sniff, trying to pick up a scent or a sound of where there might be action.  The scent of smoke was faint and if she listened hard enough she could hear indistinct sounds that could be explosions but might just be the clattering of things as they fell.  She tried to narrow down the direction and took off.

The fresh snow had covered any trace of footsteps, and all she had to go by was the smoke.  It got more and more distinct as she traveled, adjusting her direction every now and again, to make sure she stayed on track.

It wasn’t long until the sounds of shouting could be heard clearly.  She followed the sounds and came across a village.  She couldn’t see her friends, but there were HYDRA operatives in their green uniforms herding up the people of the town and setting fire to their homes.  She had no idea what was going on, but she did know she couldn’t let HYDRA do whatever the hell they were doing.

She charged in without a second thought.  She thought that she should try to avoid killing any of them, but it would be hard to do when it was just her and a whole battalion of soldiers and she was only equipped with her bare hands.  It wasn’t like she had time to handcuff each of them, even if she had handcuffs.  She would need to try and knock people unconscious and hope that she didn’t hit them too hard.

She tore through the village at preternatural speed, a near blur darting in and out of buildings, slamming into soldiers and sending them flying.  She could see each person’s movement as if it was in slow motion, easily able to duck and dodge when they tried to fight her hand-to-hand.

Not that it was easy.  At least thirty soldiers were sacking the village, and they were all armed.  She was able to take one down without being spotted  His falling alerted the others who then fired at the blur, and as fast as she ran she couldn’t outrun bullets or plasma blasts.  She took two bullets through her side after she had made her way through eight of the soldiers, and another in her thigh after three more. A blaster hit her full the the chest, and the pain was so bad that she had to bury herself in the snow to help soothe the burn.  While she was covered, the soldiers swarmed her and she burst out of the pile, sending them flying.  She took another bullet in the shoulder as she was cleaning up the last half dozen people, and by the time she knocked the last man out, she was bleeding profusely and her energy was waning.

The need to feed was intense.

She looked at the man she had just knocked unconscious. His pulse was still strong and it called to her.

“Vampir!  Vampir!”

The woman’s scream pulled her attention back and she looked up at the group of villages who were all looking at her.  Her fangs were extended, and she couldn’t seem to will them back again.

“It’s okay!” she said, holding up her hands.  “I’m here to help!”

The group began grabbing weapons from the unconscious men and some pulled burning planks of wood from buildings as they approached her, yelling in Russian.  The only word she understood was Vampire.

She turned to run, but some men had gotten behind her.  One had what appeared to be a broken-off broom handle and he lunged at her.  She managed to dodge just enough that it pierced through her sternum.  She screamed, yanking the long piece of wood and sending it flying.

With every ounce of energy she could summon, she began to run.  Launching herself up and over the buildings and into the trees of the forest beyond.  She ran for miles, not knowing what direction she was going or for how long.  She just wanted to put as much room between her and the village as she could.  There was a trail of blood being left in her wake and she knew that if any of them wanted to track her they could.  She just hoped they would be too caught up with their burning homes to want to risk fighting a vampire.

It was past midnight when her strength finally gave out.  She fell from a tree and landed in a heap in the snow below it.  Everything hurt.  There was an open wound that oozed blood right in the middle of her chest and the only way to heal it would be to feed.  In the state she was in, she’d need her food to come to her, because she wasn’t going to be able to hunt.  She hoped a bear or wolves would be stupid enough to come close because if they didn’t, the sun would come up and that would be her end.

She pulled out her comms and began to fiddle with them, trying to get it to work again.  It hissed and she put it back into her ear and pressed the button.  “Hello.  Hello, please.  Can anyone read me?”

“Rose?”  Steve’s voice came in clear through the crackle of white noise.  She let out a sigh of relief but soon tensed again as he started to break up. “... are you?  Can… are? … find you.”

“Steve,” she said.  “I’m hurt.  Really badly.  I need you.”

“... red switch … device…”

“What?” she asked, and started to turn the comms unit over in her hand.  It was a tiny device.  Smaller than the average wireless earpiece.  Under a piece of protective plastic was a tiny red slide, she pushed it down and put the device back into her ear.

“... it,” Steve said.  “Stay… you.”

She fell back into the snow and closed her eyes, listening to everything around her.  It felt like an eternity passed.  Her wounds started healing very slowly, and not enough to be done by sunrise.  She wondered if she got deep enough into the snow would stop her from burning because there was no way she could break through the frozen earth with her bare hands in her current condition.

It started to snow again.  A wet, icy snow that came in sideways and settled with a slippery sheen on the ground.  She was grateful for it.  The cold didn’t bother her.  It would slow down her bleeding and cover the trail of blood that led to her.  If she was lucky, it would bury her enough that the sun wouldn’t get to her.

Footsteps crunched through the snow behind her and she lay still.  She didn’t think it was an animal, but if it was and it thought she was dead, it might get close enough for her to catch.  If it was a person, there was a risk it was one of the villagers, and they’d finish her off, but they were coming from the wrong direction and if they did just happen upon her, hopefully they’d just think she was dead and move on.

The noise came nearer and nearer.  If her heart still beat, she was sure it would be racing now.  It was difficult to remain calm and as the figure appeared in her periphery she braced for the worst.

“Rose!”

For a second she thought Steve’s voice was coming to her through the comms again. It wasn’t until he was kneeling beside her and digging her out of the snow that she realized he was right there.

“Rose!” he repeated as he cradled her in his arms.  “Oh god, please…”

She lifted her head slowly and looked up at him.  “Steve.”

He startled and pulled her close to him. “Oh, god, sweetheart,” he said. “I thought you were dead.”

“I am dead,” she said.  It was supposed to be a joke, but her voice was so weak that it missed its mark completely.

His hand went to the open wound on her chest and he looked around wildly.  “I need to get you someplace safe.  I passed a farmhouse.  Maybe they’ll let us in.  Or they have a barn we can use.”   He looked back down at her.  She had never seen him look so scared.  “What happened to you, sweetheart?  I told you to stay put.”

Even as scared as he looked, and how happy and relieved she was to see him, his blood called to her.  Her fangs were already extended.  It was too hard to pull them in when she was as hurt as she was and she looked up at him with her lips parted.  “Comms wasn’t working,” she rasped. “I tried to find you.”

Steve cupped her jaw,  “It’s okay… it’s going to be okay.”

It sounded like he was talking to himself more than her.  She licked her lips and blinked up at him. “Steve…” she said.

She was going to tell him they should get out of there.  If he got them to the farmhouse there might be animals and she could feed.  Then she’d go to ground and tomorrow night she’d be better.  Probably not completely, but enough to get to the jet and get out of there.

Steve let her back down and pulled a knife out of his pocket.  Before she even realized what it was he was doing, he sliced open his wrist and held it to her mouth.

// NEXT

[vdragon-creations]

TMayNT Day 13: Best Don

Day 13 of @tmaynt Prompt: Best Don!

Oh my sweet, how I've waited for this day! It should probably come as no surprise to anyone who fallows me or anyone who saw my Day 1 entry that Donnie is my favorite turtle! Hands down, no contest!

But here comes the hard part. Choosing my favorite! Gunna be honest, it's a very hard decision. Each Donnie has a quality to them that I just adore! Intelligence! I don't like to think of myself as that smart, at least not in the way Donnie is! And I love me some soft nerdy types! And when it comes to personality, it gets even harder to pick, because literally ALL of them are just precious.

87 is smart but a bit of a dork! 2003 is...goals. Sweet, kind, has a tiny bit of spice to him, and still has the skills to pay the bills! 2007, while not having much screen time, is a reliable man.

IDW, tbh, I've yet to read the comics in full, but from what I can see, he seems a lot like a mix of both 2003, 2007, and 87 Don. As in, while he's a little more softspoken then the others, he can still hold his own in a fight! And despite having been through some clearly otherworldly shit, he's a skeptic when it comes to magic. But I love the way they wrote him! (And his death scene still makes me cry! And seeing him still deal with pain from that incident is just *Chef's kiss*!)

2012....well...I don't have much to say about him. Frankly he's my least favorite out of the bunch, and all because the writers really wanted to play fanfic writer and they leaned whyyyyy too hard into the nerd stereotype. Resulting in making him borderline creepy to April. (Not that she's perfect either because goddess on a stick I'm not getting into that today.) The one thing I'll give him is that his sarcasm in this one made his very funny to hear in banter, and I apricate that they were trying to do more then just change the skin colors to make the boys stand out from one another. (But guys...really....the gap in the teeth was just not necessary..)

The Bayverse Donnie was one that had to grow on me a little, cause I'm part of the crowed that thought they looked a bit rough. But I agree that that's kinda the point, they're mutants. They more then likely would be a little rough looking irl. But after aa bit, he does start looking pretty cute anyway! And his voice is on par with 2003, in that he just sounds so sweet! I wanna hug him! (PLUS, THE FUCKER IS 6'8"! I'M 5'3"! And I do have a weakness for taller dudes. Bonus if they wear glasses! :3)

Now, for Rise. I was once part of the Cowaboomer crowed that thought that since RISE was so different from the other versions, it was there for ruined. I've since watched it, and the movie, and if anything, I've proven that I no longer think this way! RISE Donnie tho...he had to grow on me. At first I really didn't like him. His personality was such a stark contrast from all the other versions that it was almost like he was a whole new character! And with the art style of RISE being so different, his design was quite a jolt too. (The eyebrows are...a choice.) But after a while, that smug fucking smile had me feeling a type of way. The way he'd make me laugh was starting to become infectious! And the next thing I knew, I fell for this version too! Pretty hard I might say. And while 2003 Donnie is the sweetest bean to ever grace my screen, RISE became the living definition of the meme "I'm a luxury few can afford!"! And I love him!

After that, we had the batman cross over that brought us another Donnie! Once that I'm happy didn't lean too heavy on the other versions. He looked a little like 2012, but was like a gentle mix or 2003 and Bayverse! He also got a lot more lines and personality in that movie! (As well as a broken arm! RIP)

Then Mutant Mayhem showed up, and oh my god if he isn't the same insufferable anime fan I was when I was a teen! He made me laugh, and was still an adorable little dork!

And then we have Fortnite Donnie, who...i gotta be honest, I don't play Fortnite. So I'm not sure if he or the others get much of a personality or story outside of the same story of the turtles that we all know by now. So i can't judge him based on personality. But...I do like his design. Tho I will continue to say Fortnite had NO RIGHT to make him THAT damn fine!

In the end, I love all Donnies! Some more then others, but they all mean something to me! And it was hard to choose! but in the end, I chose the two that had the most influence on me!

[sanjisblackasswife]

Breaking Up with Luffy (ANGST)

Word Count: 2.0k

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: Cursing, Yelling, Luffy Calls You Out on Your BS, Reader is a bit over dramatic and annoying, Boa, very bittersweet ending

How dense Luffy can be can really be exhausting

He was too trusting for his own good and though you once admired you now have grown to be annoyed with it

Maybe it was your fault

Maybe you were over reacting, but really? He couldn’t even take your side ?

But IT WAS BOA. You hated her! And Luffy knew this.

Luffy was also very emotionally intelligent, it was impressive how quick he can notice how you can feel, but that didn’t mask how dense he can be handling your emotions.

Boa was once again back and with Luffy, they were on the furthest part of the deck speaking. It’s been a week and for some reason she was still here. She claims it was to “check up on Luffy”, but for what? Y’all JUST reunited a few weeks ago and Boa has been back and fourth coming and going on the ship as she pleases and it began to irk you.

Everybody knew about her obsession with your captain except your own damn captain. The way her touched lingered, the way she blushed when talking to him, the way she would do pretty much anything for him.

It. Irked. You.

She was aware of your relationship with Luffy, which was why you both have had a few heated arguments before. The last one resulting in you nearly drawing your gun at her. It was embarrassing on your end because you never was the type to fight over a man, but this man in particular doesn’t understand when a woman that isn’t his is blatantly flirting and touching all on him and how much it eats up at you.

And everybody is aware of this. So much so that everybody purposely tries to occupy you from seeing the two today to keep things cordial.

“Are you tryna distract me?” Your tone slightly above a tease crossing your arms at Sanji Would was being more than overbearing to keep you in the kitchen with him.

“What?! No I could never! Just keep reading in here, Y/N-San!” He had a cold sweat immediately seeing Boa and Luffy now outside the door giggling and eating together. She brought him a bunch of food as another one of her “gifts” and at that very moment Luffy was tone deaf to everything in sight. Sanji noticed the beautiful woman inch closer and closer their shirtless captain and an instant chill ran down his spine on the possibility of what you’d do.

You shrugged, somewhat naive to what’s happening, you continued to finish your book, giving Sanji a sigh of relief back to his stove. The background noise of the kitchen eventually became tuned out while diving deep into your book. All was well until—-

“OH LUFFY I LOVE YOU!”

It felt like time froze, hearing that unbearable voice, you knew exactly who it was.

“SHE’S HERE AGAIN!?”

You slam your book on the table leaving it behind as you storm out. When you came outside your eyes were met with the same bullshit sight that always led you and Bo to fight

Her breasts smothering Luffy’s face and him not paying any kind to it.

“Oh Luffy! I— oh. MMPH.” Once again . Boa was being too touchy for your liking and it made your eye twitch. Her snarky attitude towards you and you only made you unreasonably upset. The way she’d sometimes purposely touch and cope a feel of Luffy in front of you just for Luffy to laugh at the situation and think you both actually don’t have beef with each other .

“Oh hey Y/N!” Luffy pulled from Boa’s grip to run over to you with his typical Happy Hour lucky smile. He didn’t a care in the world seeing you looking so upset but the tall woman now behind him did.

“Oh Luffy it was so amazing seeing you again! I’m so glad you—-“

Boa’s compliments and heart eyes went through one eye and out the other with you considering you kept getting irritated the longer she lingered on the ship. You wasn’t in the mood to argue with her, but that didn’t stop you from pulling Luffy away as she inches closer by reflex as if you were a child not wanting to share your toy.

Boa noticed this and immediately grumbled in irritation.You clearly don’t understand how angry you make this woman. Your boyfriend just pulled into your touch closer as he ate which in turned made her heart sting, but before she had another dramatic fit an idea came to mind.

“Before I go Luffy I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything just send me a call okay? …and my offer still stands with you about our…little agreement. Remember?”

Luffy furrowed his eyebrows a bit humming in thought trying to remember what “agreement” she was offering. She has made so damn many to him involving getting married who knows what this would be?

“Uh…”

“Oh you don’t remember? Before you left your training we had such an unforgettable night and—“

“OOOOOH! Oh yeah no thanks!” Luffy laughs scaring his head, “Yeah no I’m fine I have Y/N for that!”

It was like Boa nearly turned into stone herself , her face was dumbfounded and her heart was stung, as much as she wanted to cry and plead for Luffy to take her up on her “offer” she had to go but promised to be back soon. The moment she left it was almost as if everybody could breathe again and went back to their devices, but you however dwelled in the whole “offer” situation and how Luffy stated he had you for that.

After lunch Luffy and you were on the Sunny doing your daily fishing routine you both typically started doing when you both began dating. It was peaceful and sweet feeling Luffy happily hun and lean on your shoulder, but you just couldn’t relax until your curiosity subsided.

“Lu?”

“Hm? You caught a fish?!” He sat up ready to help pull your fishing rod, but you grab his wrist.

“No! No not that! I just…Um…okay what did Boa mean by ‘offer’?”

“Huh?”

“When she said you guys had an unforgettable night and—“

“Ohh! Oh That!” Luffy laughs and pats your head. “So before I left she accidentally kissed me and th—“

“She what?” You felt your stomach turn a little, sunk really.

“She kissed me! But she apologized so it was an accident ..anyways she said that we should have one night of uh…” Luffy scratched his head trying to think of the word she used. “What’s that word Sanji uses a lot? Starts with a P?”

Your eyes widen in horror on the possible answer he may say,

“PASSION THATS THE WORD!” Luffy chuckles pointing his finger upwards, “a night of passion, I didn’t know what she meant until she said ‘made love’. At the time I still didn’t understand but I remember that’s what you call what we do sometimes so I said no.”

“Luffy i thought you said I was your first kiss.”

“You were!”

“No.” You stood up crossing your arms, “I wasn’t if that stupid bitch kissed you.”

“Woaaahh!” Luffy laughs a little making your eye twitch in annoyance as he gets up, “you mad?”

“No I’m not mad.”

“Yes you are? You only curse when you’re mad.”

“I’m not fucking mad I’m irritated!”

“Same thing.”

“IT’S NOT LUFFY! Why does she keep coming back we don’t need her help anymore we are GOOD!”

Once again you began to nag and complain about Boa and her presence which always made Luffy Just roll his eyes playfully. He never understood why you were always so mad when she was around but after learning that they both had the opportunity to have sex AND she kissed him you now had a better reason to explain.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is y/n it’s just a kiss. Besides we weren’t dating and I wasn’t thinking about you when it happened.” Luffy shrugged it off taking away your rod to finish fishing, “what?”

“Don’t what me?! You let her kiss you?!”

“I wouldn’t say let..she just did it, who cares?”

“I do, Luffy! You said I was your first kiss! When I asked you about you and Boa you said nothing happened you don’t remember?!”

“It’s not a big deal, y/n calm down and sit with me!” he reached out for you to sit on his lap with a bright smile but all you could do was sit there with a gaped mouth.

Your captain wasn’t the best with words, but damn he could have worded it better. The mere thought of Luffy and Boa being so close made your head spin. And you knew. You knew Boa said it Just to get a rise out of you, and she succeeded because you completely ignored Luffy and headed to your room for the rest of the vending leaving him confused for a moment.

You were quiet all dinner. Not even sitting next to Luffy like you usually do and he seemed not to noticed which piled on to the anger you already had.

He was acting as if he didn’t know you were mad at him and it made you mad.

Were you overreacting possibly?

Even if you were you don’t care to listen to reason right now you’re pissed and want to be alone.

“There you are!” Luffy laughs busting in your room in the late evening to see you buried like burritos in your blankets back facing him. “I thought we were ganna take a bath together.”

“Take it yourself.” Your words are mumbled by the covers. Luffy tilts his head confused at your cold tone, he once again shrugs it off to get in the bed with you to hold you but you wiggle out of his grasp making him whine at your attitude.

“Y/NNNN COMMONNNN IM COLD!” He snatches the blanket off , your warm body now shivering in the cold.

“Luffy for fucks sake—“

“You cussed again. You’re mad—“

“I’m not fucking mad Luffy can’t you ever just read the room?! I had other blankets you could use!”

In your mind your really didn’t want to curse Luffy out. He obviously didn’t deserve it but you’ve been alone in your room all day replaying scene with him and Boa in your head and you just could NOT think about it.

Luffy tries to pull your arm to sleep back with him but you instead pull away to put one some sweats.

“Where are you going?! You don’t have watch duty!”

“I’ll be back Luffy.”

“You always walk away when you’re mad .”

“What?!”

“You do. It’s kinda annoying honestly . Just lay back in bed with me—“

“I said I’ll be back Luffy!” You tried to hide the annoyance in your voice but failed miserably. Was he wrong though? You run away from any issues you tend to have with Luffy and he always calls you out on it. It almost felt like you wanted to cry right on the deck out of frustration. You ended up not sleeping I with him that night. He didn’t seem to mind or ask.

Then one night turned into two.

Then three.

Then a month.

It almost became like you both drifted away. Luffy stopped coming in your room to bother you, you both don’t hang out as much, Luffy seemed normal, you also seemed okay, but every once in a while you felt almost as if you both subconsciously broke up.

He watched you from a distance dancing and laughing with Nami and his cheeks warmed ever so slightly. You have been quieter around him, he didn’t seemed to mind it, but maybe he was over thinking.

But he wasn’t, it’s been 4 months and even though you were still with the Strawhats it was almost as if your relationship has diminished. It was no longer the same between you both, no more fun exchanges, no more inside jokes, no more late night food runs. It was all just

Gone.

And you both ignored how it made you both really feel.

[theamityelf]

I’m not sure if your still writing stuff abt you danganronpa zombies au but if you are can we get more on junko??? I’m just wondering how her personality and plans translate to her zombie self

Im also wondering about Mukuro??? I’m not sure if you’ve mentioned her yet but her being a zombie interacting w her strange obsessive behavior w junko would be interesting

Sorry if this is incoherent but I’ve been thinking abt it for the last couple days lol

First of all, I am open to asks for every AU always! Lol.

For Junko, I'd say that her ability to plot things out is largely intact. Her ability to reason through the consequences of different actions in advance is not as sophisticated as it was before, but it's still really impressive for being undead. She's a lot more lucid than the others, but that said, I don't currently think she has an overarching ambition in this AU.

For one thing, just being undead is such an acute taste of entropy that she no longer feels so bored and dissatisfied all the time. So much about her body and mind are new, she subsists on murdering people, and just so much is wrong that, like Nagito, I think this might lowkey be kind of the best timeline for her.

Hope's Peak created this virus. Hope's Peak created this despair. Her point about despair is pretty much already vindicated, and she knows this won't stay contained. Her need to self-aggrandize is subsumed (at least for now) by her fascination with her new self; her need to spread despair is satiated by just the absolutely miserable situation of the Reserve Course and the pretty much guaranteed upcoming escalation when the undead breach containment; any urge she feels to be destructive and contrarian can easily be expressed by leaving the classroom and trying to eat someone before Makoto finds her; and all the while, she's experiencing the friendship and comradery with her classmates that she enjoys.

Makoto is taking care of her, and she genuinely likes that a lot. She loves getting her hair brushed, and the strained look on his face when he wipes blood from her mouth, and the quick reflexes he's developed to avoid her attempts to bite him. Between that and the occasional video calls from Yasuke, she's feeling pretty great.

I'm not saying Junko will never act mastermind-y in this AU; just that, for some length of time, she is satiated by the status quo. I think, if she does manifest a deeper goal than just enjoying herself, the first new goal she might pursue is that of making Makoto realize how Hope's Peak is using him and what Nagito has been up to. She would want Makoto to know what the Reserve Course's real role here is, and that it's not really accidental.

Now, Mukuro! I mentioned her briefly in this post and some others, but you're right that she hasn't really had focus. Mukuro's dexterity and fine motor skills are among the highest, of the undead, in that she can still hold and wield weapons.

She's still fiercely protective whenever Junko is under threat, but other than that she operates as a normal social presence in the class, just because my own headcanons (anime notwithstanding, lol) have her and Junko act like their relationship is normal, at school. Unlike Junko, Mukuro's grasp of consequences and general human behavior is greatly decreased. Her combat intelligence, as in fighting and battle strategy, remains, but her human intelligence is severely impacted.

Like in the hyperlinked post, she complies when Makoto takes her weapons away, but she doesn't understand that he doesn't want her to have weapons. When he tries to tell her, she just stares uncomprehendingly. She likes his face and his smell and how gently he handles them.

I'm picturing Mukuro curling up with Junko to sleep and Junko continually pushing or kicking her away, with groggy little movements, and Mukuro just casually crawls back, until they both fall asleep about a yard away from each other with Junko's foot against Mukuro's stomach.

[imgoingtocrash]

Thoughts on Rebelcaptain & Velcinta: Jyn and Cinta would definitely be best buddies who look at people with their murderous eyes but are big softies with the ones they love. Cinta would tell Jyn the Cassian’s embarrassing stories like girl I can’t believe you’re in love with him and Jyn is like hahah girl me neither- WAIT NO NO NO I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM!!! (the denial era) Meanwhile Vel and Cassian are the ones who try to look responsible and professional but have lots of private jokes between them (and of course Vel loves to tease him with the way he acts around Jyn like hey Cassian can you stop acting like a teenager in love for 1 minute and focus on the job please)

First off anon I am SO HAPPY you came to me with all of these thoughts. People reblogging my post with vigorous head-nodding about Rebelcaptain and VelCinta interactions has been the best. They all live and are happy because we said so, your honor. It’s making me think about the possibilities even more. (If I didn’t have writer’s block for the past year, I’d be writing fic about it, I know it!!!)

My favorite part of comparing these relationships is that they’re similar dynamics but different people.

Like yes Jyn and Cinta are the more obviously violent ones BUT they do it differently! Jyn has never met an explosion she doesn’t like to watch and also start. She CAN be quiet and lethal but that’s not always typical for a Rogue One mission lmao. Meanwhile, Cinta definitely learned the quickest, quietest ways to kill. (Even when those events have definitely impacted her psyche over the years, like the kill she makes in the season finale.)

Jyn will obnoxiously and loudly say I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH CASSIAN SHUT UP to cover her feelings while Cinta is just plainly like “Vel is the love of my life.” and then moves on like YES they’re bonding they’re dishing they’re braiding each other’s hair while discussing blaster models, it’s beautiful!!

Similarly what I cut out of that original post idea because I couldn’t phrase it in a simple way was that I think it would be very fun if, because of how Cassian barged into her life and mission, Vel is competitive as hell with him.

She spent YEARS flitting in and out of the Coruscant world of fake laughs and weird champagne and dealing with her dumbass cousin-in-law’s comments for this Rebellion and Cassian just WALTZES IN and not only helps the mission succeed but instantly kills Skeen for trying to take the loot and leave them for dead. And after spending months trying to find his stupid ass…he willingly joins Intelligence as is an incredibly useful contributor and eventually takes part in an integral mission to the Rebellion’s success. And also he’s kind of great to have as a partner on a mission but it will take her literal years to admit that to anyone willingly.

(This is also a rant she tells to Cinta at some point in the confines of their bunk.)

And from Cassian’s POV he’s constantly trying to prove himself to Vel because of that! She’s been in this fight longer, technically, (Let’s not get into the fanon vs. canon backstory stuff rn for the sake of me keeping this weird fangirl rant straight) and he’s like Hell Yes teach me your spy tricks and also I will never stab you in the back again EVER.

For some reason the scene has come into my head of Vel teaching Cassian some kind of fancy Waltz or whatever for a mission and she’s like If You Step On My Toes Again I Will Stab You but also they’re kind of having fun and getting along because spy-ing is what they both do best and creating a cover and all that comes with it is probably their mutual catnip. They’re like…vitriolic buds.

But also…she fell hard for Cinta. Like she wasn’t prepared to find love in the middle of this war and you can see how much she struggles with balancing that and the mission in-series. So I agree, she would probably be like: Cassian. You don’t know how long you have. If you like her just fucking SAY IT. I promise that it’s worth the risk in the end.

And it’s probably the most emotionally honest and personal with him that she’s ever been in their friendship-of-sorts-thing that they have, so he takes it to heart. But also he’s like “You two have been together as long as I’ve known you and you STILL look at Cinta like that, what’s your excuse?” and Vel immediately starts talking about how she she wishes she’d dropped his ass into the dirt when they met, he’s SUCH a pain. 🙄

The way I don’t think the actual series will do this for them and I just pulled all of this out of my butt but I love the idea of it…yeah. That’s a nice little dynamic thing we’ve got going here. It’s so much fun to think about. I love it. 🥹

[karlyanalora]

First Aid and Shockwave for the character breakdown!! —cmo

(From this)

For First Aid I'm giving my general thoughts, unbound by continuity and influenced by my favorite fics featuring him.

How I feel about him: He's a sweetheart. You know how the fandom insists Ratchet will treat anyone? They're thinking of First Aid. He's a kind soul who deserves more screen time and love in the fandom.

Who I ship him with: Nobody. He doesn't strike me as a character interested in romance. I think he's pretty fulfilled by being part of a combiner.

Platonic OTP: His brothers in Defensor. @playswithworms Protectobots AU has greatly influenced how I see their dynamic and I adore it.

I do have thoughts of him trying to draw Ambulon into the gestalt (and scaring the crap out of command when it works.) The Protectobots have always been this way and shared this gestalt bond. Ambulon brings a needed dose of the outside world.

I love the fandom concept of combiners following one member of the gestalt into death, unwilling to let any member be alone. (I further propose you have to kill two and have at least two alive to prevent this.)

Ambulon would not be okay with that. He'd fight tooth and nail to keep the rest of the Protectobots rooted in life. I just think that while Defensor is pretty healthy as a gestalt, there are some unhealthy things in the gestalt they just don't realize are bad, and Ambulon as an outsider made insider could point out.

Unpopular Opinion Time: He's kind of boring in canon? Like there's tons of potential. But most of it is wasted. I feel like I love him, but it's hard to remember what parts of my love for him are based in canon fact.

I wish...: So we know when the Comabticons combined with a comatose Swindle in IDW, it was super freaky for them? I'd loved to have seen similar comic panels of what it was like for First Aid to be in a combiner with a dead body. Were there echoes of Ambulon?

For Shockwave

How I feel about him: Senator Shockwave my beloved. I will never not be obsessed. I know he's only canon in IDW, but I project him into all my favorite continuities. It just adds such depth and tragedy.

Who I ship him with: Self-indulgence time. I'd ship TFA Shockwave with a Senator Shockwave background with TFA Red Alert. A senator secretly courting a medic. And then Shockwave disappears.

For Red Alert, she knows medically what has happened to her love. That what they had is gone. But it hurts to see him on the opposite side of the war. You know how in canon she lost an arm? Yeah, Shockwave did that.

And then the War is over and she's growing close to the young Longarm Prime. She reminds her of her dear Senator so much. And it's like Longarm has always known her.

Because he has. And her heart gets broken all over again.

(I blame the fanart.)

Platonic OTP: @novafire-is-thinking has given me Soundwave and Senator Shockwave brainrot. Something about working with and knowing Shockwave before and after. It only works in AUs, but they are such delicious AUs.

The urge to fix Shockwave but also the struggle of knowing he will never be the same. How does it feel to know people care about a version of you that no longer exists? Does Soundwave even care about what you are now? Do you care?

Unpopular Opinion: The boobs are weird and should die.

I wish...: TFA Shockwave is clearly very intelligent. I would really love to see the canon explanation for why his brain cells all disappear when it comes to pleasing and obeying Megatron.

[wortsandall]

Steven Grant-the lies we tell ourselves au

unironically, I fear these are only getting longer prev/next

steven is the most adjusted one of the moon knight system. that has happened purely because steven been kept from more of the damaging truths that could cause more maladaptive behavior. he's not perfect, in any way of course he's not. but because of that sheltering he's not prone to marc's doom spirals or jake's habit of shutting them all out. we see this in the show, his first instincts are healthy communication and understanding. I think because of this, some people tend to write steven without any flaws but we can see that this isn't true. he's also prone to anger and has a stubborn streak like all three of them leading to decisions that aren't well thought out.

I feel like I picture him as more calm than others do. he makes mistakes, but I don't think any of them are based in naivety. I tend to see steven being treated like a child who doesn't know what's going on. and I think that does him a great disservice to his character. it's possible to be a kind and forgiving character without wiping any negative traits out. I get that marc and jake, to an extent, kind of treat steven like a child but that doesn't mean that we have to as well.

from watching the show, marc learns to accept steven and stop hiding things from him. he is a full grown adult who can handle being treated like one. steven is tired of being told what to do and what he cannot handle and its fair to let him make him own decisions. in my au, I think that's an uphill battle that he's trying to fight marc and jake on. to no longer be babied and told what his boundaries are.

part of me thinks that steven is envious of marc. he has the name of the body and the most time with it, yet all he's doing is falling ass backwards into bad situations. this plays a part in his view of layla. you have this beautiful, intelligent, capable woman, and instead marc's spending all his time distancing himself? steven sees that as a waste. that maybe marc isn't appreciating her enough.

add in the opportunities that steven has missed out on due to marc and I could see him trying to endear himself to her. I don't think steven is maliciously thinking that he can treat layla better or purposely trying to steal marc's wife. but how many experiences does steven realistically have had? with someone like layla especially, someone who is as into his interests as he is and that he can keep a conversation with and not be treated like an inferior. I think he quickly latches on to this idea of her.

I've said it before, but steven doesn't really know layla at all. and this features into how he sees relationships in general. I think he'd be very all-in when it comes to relationships, platonic and otherwise. he's very loyal and if you can show that willingness to see him as an equal it's instant heart eyes. partly due to the lack of real life experiences he's had. he was so willing to go on that date with that woman despite knowing absolutely nothing about her-just that she was interested in him.

the point being that he's not really in love with layla-it's more what she represents to him. that he could be loved for who he is without being belittled similarly to how marc has treated him in the past (whether marc meant to or not) he does love her, but it's surface level. more of putting her on a pedestal, rather than a deep love of who she is as a person. that part can come later, and probably will but I'm not a huge fan of romance so that's not my focus in any capacity.

this au starts with the fact that layla has stayed in Cairo to be a superhero over there. and a way for her to give both the system and herself space to really process their feelings and relationship. those divorced papers still stay unsigned, but for all intents and purposes they aren't together. and I think this is crucial to steven's realization that he might not be as in love with her as he once thought. later, once marc and him have a real conversation about layla, he'll fully decide to let marc and layla find each other again without him muddying those waters. and learning who layla is as a person and as a friend.

when I think about the backstory, before the events of the show, steven has a lot of blanks. and he's both scared and so curious to know exactly what he's missing. his memories can't all be fake. there has to be good moments and things that are real. he gets into the habit of asking marc if it's real when he remembers something. occasionally, he'd forget what the reality of what their mother is since he has no memories of it. there'd been a couple times where he asked marc about their mother, but learned quickly to not broach that topic with marc.

the one thing that sticks with him, is that they didn't seem to have anybody in their corner. most of his memories are happy, yeah, but they are also alone. I think this loneliness bleeds into steven's adulthood also affecting how he views relationships. he might think he's better friends with people than he actually is. in my mind, steven does have memories of the time period that randall was still alive in, but randall isn't in them. like a family beach trip or something, but in his memory it's just their parents and him. like all mentions of randall were erased, so he didn't have to remember the fact their brother, their main friend was dead.

one person that steven would have memories of that marc wouldn't have is their babysitter. where their parents would go out weekly, maybe for dates or related to their father's Rabbi duties, and they couldn't leave their son alone. so they hired a babysitter. I imagine the first time steven asks to confirm if that was real or not, marc looks at him strangely.

marc doesn't remember these periods at all. and steven does but he doesn't remember anything bad but he knows by now that really means nothing. and it becomes something that steven can't let go of, because surely if some of his memories are fake that's marc. but if marc didn't give him this fake memory is it real? and they argue about it back and forth until steven drops it (for now)

when it comes to finding out about jake, steven loves the idea that they have a third. he ignores the implications that they'd been hurt more than they realized, but at least they aren't alone. they can have their own little family since they were denied that as children. the specific's of this will be left to be written but steven would love to get to know jake better, despite how difficult jake is making it.

I like to think is steven is more self-aware than others think. yes, he may be awkward at times. and he can have a one-track mind and get distracted easy but he's not stupid. he may play it to his advantage even knowing how he comes across. he may not have realized that he's well liked because he's used to people like donna who dismiss him immediately. but in general, he has this natural charisma and charm that draws people to him.

selfishness and stubborn ness is something that runs in the moon knight system. a link that connects their very different personalities. I don't think its as severe as marc's would be. he's self aware enough to recognize when what he's doing is counterproductive, as seen in the show. he wants the body and to not be fighting, but when he catches himself being injured or in the way he relinquishes easily enough. but he also knows when he's valid in those beliefs and will keep pushing. but still he knows when to take a step back.

and that makes him perfectly suited as an emotional protector and physical caretaker. emotionally, he knows what he can and cannot handle. he can continue even if something hurts, because he's relatively open emotionally. if things are too tough for marc to handle, steven can take over for him. give marc that chance to breathe and process as he needs to.

I feel likes he's less prone to emotional panic like marc. he gets overwhelmed, sure but he can compartmentalize in a healthy way. not just pushing it down to be forgotten and never spoken again like marc. he's not a perpetually bleeding wound. and I think he's better able to take care of their body when the needs arises. when it comes to groceries, showers, keeping routines. that's all steven. marc tries to an extent, I think jake would be the worst at it, not knowing where to even start.

their system needed gentleness when they were children, and this is what steven is. he's not immune to anger, but his empathetic nature allows him to recognize when he's fucked up and course-correct. but that doesn't mean he can be bulldozed. the stubbornness and kindness, making a perfect combination to be able to counter bullshit when he sees it. he knows when he's being talked down to, even if he isn't immediately calling it out. he knows when it's appropriate and when it would make things worse.

with the other two alters in this au, it makes him the perfect caretaker for the littles. the gentleness needed to handle children. the ability to compartmentalize (thinking about the type of shit they had to handle brings him to tears but they came later, it does nothing for them to watch him cry) for leo, who is more wild and a teenager, steven needs the ability to handle bullshit without wavering (thank marc for helping him develop that skill) and the gentleness needed for the timid younger rose.

he never learned to run or hide from his emotions. he never had to do that when he was young, that's not a skill he has. he can tackle them head on and come out better for it. I think he would still be a little exhausted and frustrated at being the one with the brain cell 80% of the time. and sometimes it might come out unintentionally. but he loves everyone in their system so deeply.

it boils down to steven being a man who values communication and honesty trying to work with a system that doesn't know how to do that. trying to balance that and the frustration that might grow from it. while also trying to come to terms with who he is under the fake truths that he'd been fed. his struggle is detangling it all and finding the truth in the middle. the calm in the storm that the system might need, but he might not want to be at all times.

the lies we tell ourselves au masterpost

[dramoor]

I want thank ALL of the lovely people for their kind birthday wishes for me today on my 60th birthday.

I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wonderful partner in life, my beautiful wife Patricia and three lovely daughters; Elle, Miranda and Madeline.

Today, I am reminded of what Dr. M Scott Peck told me over 30 years ago: At 40, you feel like you can conquer the world and there’s a sense that nothing can stop you.

But at 60 you realize the very real fragility of life and temporariness of it all. A humbling knowledge that there is indeed a time limit for all things and that God’s design though perfect, is precious far beyond its brevity.

Today, I am also reminded of the Hindu story that my friend Bill from Lowell Arkansas told me about a man at his funeral. Looking at the man, “Would this man lying here ask for more riches and Gold from the world? Would this man ask to be more famous and well regarded by others? Would he ask to be taller or look more handsome? No. The only thing this man lying here today would ask for was much simpler…more time.”

If you are reading this now, then you too have time! Use it wisely, use it unwisely too! But USE it. Be IN it. Be aware that you are part of ALL of it and that the separateness you sometimes feel is an illusion. Just as your heart beats without being told, you are as integral to the Sun that fires and the planets that circle it as your heart is a part of you.

For the atheists, God loves you too. The mistake you make is to think the universe is a stupid thing that just bumps into things and expands ignorantly and without reason or intelligence. And that somehow we human beings, with our intelligence is just some kind of ‘freak’ universal accident. To you I say this, if there is such a thing as kindness, empathy, compassion and love…it is because you found it in other people.

And as my dear friend Norm Macdonald once said, “We are part of this universe, indeed a mere fraction of it, so if we have kindness and love, how much more the universe itself.” For if we are capable of love, it is because it is endemic to the universe itself.

To quote Alan Watts, “For we didn’t come ‘in’ to the world, we came ‘out’ of it. We are the universe evolving to the point of consciousness, so that the universe, us, can experience existence and life in all it’s wonder and beauty and glorious exuberance.”

Lastly, as I am a new convert to Catholicism, I offer my apology for my lack of Christ’s forgiveness to my fellow man. I was so angry at the people who shut down schools and indeed the world and who coerced others to do things against their will which hurt many people deeply. I offer my unconditional forgiveness and amnesty.

For how can I stay mad at the famous singer who would not let others in to his Broadway show unless they had an experiential jab. I will never forget how kind he was to me and my friends when he was the musical guest on SNL.

How can I continue to hold a grudge against the actor who shamed people like me but has been such a great example for other actors to never give up and keep fighting for their dreams.

How can I still be mad at the lovely actress that said she could no longer be friends with people like me who didn’t ‘get’ it, knowing how incredibly kind she is with every child she meets.

I am humbled by the example of my mother Pilar and how she was able to forgive the WW2 occupiers of her Philippines who killed both her brothers.

At last it is forgiveness itself that is the gift that we give ourselves because it frees us as The Christ intends for all of us to be free. For His gift of ultimate and unlimited forgiveness is indeed the gift for all humanity.

May God bless you and your families now and forever.

With all my “You can do it” love, Robbie Schneider

(X - twitter post Oct. 31, 2023)

[eva-reviews]

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher -- A review

Trigger Warnings: Death, murder, gore, mentions of war, mentions of suicide, anxiety, mentions of amputation, misogyny, misgendering, animal dissection, fire. 

My Rating 

9/10 I really liked this book; I have been trying to get back into horror books, and I have to say, this is a really good horror book. I loved how Kingfisher was able to make the grotesque gore sound so beautiful. However, there were a lot of sidenotes which did make things slightly confusing. It was all very interesting, but it did take away from the story every once in a while.

Overview

Alex Easton is a Lieutenant from Gallicia when they get a letter from their childhood friend, Madeline, that she is dying. When they get there they are greeted by hares that don't move correctly, a glowing pond, and a falling-apart manor. There are fungi everywhere, and a strange woman, Ms Potter, a very intelligent mycologist is enamoured by all of it. Madeline sleepwalks and talks in a strange voice and Roddrick is so anxious he jumps at the opening of a door, and the American doctor, Derrick, who is just as clueless as the rest of them. 

My Thoughts 

What Moves the Dead is based on The Fallen House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe, for the most part, it is a reimagining of Poe’s story. Kingfisher expands on Madiline's illness and she really gives us a lot more detail into the story itself. I loved how this book has undertones of feminism, Ms. Potter talks about the mycology institute and how they won't let her in because of her sex, and how she is going to make such a big discovery that they won't be able to disregard her. Alex Easton agrees with her and supports her fight to be recognized. 

What I loved most about this book, was the use and understanding of pronouns and gender. Easton and the Ushers are all from Gallicia, where they do not use the traditional, he/him, she/her, and they/them pronouns. In Gallicia they use, ta, tha, tan, than for he, she, his, and hers. These are used for adults, and there are more that are used for children being va, van and for priests and nuns they use var. If you were to use va on an adult they would take great offence, and ta on a child and people would think you are a pedophile. There is also a set of pronouns for God and rocks. Lastly, there is a new set of pronouns for soldiers, which has no link to the gender binary, ka and kan, it is extremely rude to use ta on them and it might get you punched. This also means, that due to the new pronouns, gender is no longer applicable. Thus, when a woman became a soldier they could not turn her away, because the laws said that she was now ka, therefore, she was allowed in the military. This brought about “Sworn in Soldiers”, which is what Alex Easton is. Ka is not a woman nor a man, Ka is Ka or in English They. 

This book takes place in 1890, so this is much before the acceptance of queer people. For example, if we look into the UK around this time, in 1885 there was a law against queer people and thus against trans poeple. Also, in 1889, a woman named Mary Mudge died in a workhouse (basiclly a homeless shelter today, but they have to work and many people died. It was a horrible place to be) Mudge passed as a woman her whole life, until her bith sex was revealed during her  postmortem examination. Although trans people and the nonbinary have existed for the entirety of the existence of human kind, they were not widely accepted. It is so interesting to see Easton live as a nonbinary person in an alternet reality, and to see kan be accepted and to see how other interact with kan. 

The eding of the book was crazy. It all of a sudden changed, the pace completely changed and it really became a horror book. They do a dissection of a hare and… that was so creepy. I never expected it to change so drastically. I knew there was something inhuman about Madiline, but what it was so something so unlike what I could have thought it would be.  

Conclusion

This book was so good, I finished it in 3 hours and the entire time I was enraptured by the story. I was on the edge of my seat. Ms. Potter was such an amazing character, I loved every time she was present. The entirety of this book I felt as though I was there. Kingfisher is such a good writer, she really knows how to balance the creepy with the beautiful imagery of the mushrooms and the decaying bodies of the hares. If you are new to horror, this is such a good book to start with, and if you are an avid horror reader, this really has some of the most beautiful imagery. Even the cover is gorgeous. I definitely recommend this, although, not to the squeamish or faint of heart. 

[limerancy-fics]

what makes xiaoven possible from ventis pov in canonverse? what are some reasons why he would get along w xiao, esp to the point of love?

i see this a lot, actually. a lot of people who aren't xv shippers don't see how they would like each other, and i especially saw for a while at the start people saying venti would never love xiao for "freedom" reasons or whatever. but if someone really thinks venti wouldn't get along with xiao or vice versa, i know they don't actually look at the characters beyond surface interpretation and fanon characterization.

because xiao is exactly the type of person venti is drawn to. before or beyond romance. i mean, look at vennessa--she is, in my mind, very similar to xiao: someone who is trapped and wishes for freedom, someone who is forced to fight when that's not who they want to be, someone who becomes one of the only things between their nation and those who want to destroy it. they're both kind-hearted, deep down, gentle souls who have been given a role in life that pains them (and even after life, in regards to vennessa and celestia). they both fight for the freedom of their people, because they know it's the only thing they can do. and, though we don't know much about the nameless bard, we can assume he was similar to them as well. out of everyone in mond, the nameless bard and vennessa were the ones venti was drawn to. out of everyone in liyue, xiao is the only one we know of who has the power of anemo and has been saved/freed by venti in the same way vennessa was: given just enough to fight for themselves. if venti had not played for xiao that night, he would have been lost to the karma and as far as we're aware, he hasn't been that close to losing it ever since.

venti is very intelligent. he's very compassionate. he's very supportive and understanding. and he's very much drawn to people like xiao. xiao is different from vennessa in that he's had a lot longer to build his walls and be stuck in his rut. so the way venti approaches him is likely a much more delicate dance than what he did with vennessa or the nameless bard. it would take a lot more time. and, despite what most people think, venti doesn't actually bail out when the going gets tough. we see that 100% in how he was with us to face dvalin and how he took down durin with dvalin during the cataclysm--leading durin away from the city and to the mountain, both to protect his people from the dragon itself and the dragon's corrupted corpse.

i think he'd 100% be persistent in wiggling through xiao's walls to at least become his friend, even if just because he thinks xiao needs one. most people seem to think he'd get bored with xiao and how difficult he can be and just move on, but i think he's not so easily fooled. he knows there's more underneath who xiao seems to be on the surface. and he would, of course, slowly reveal the traits xiao has that make him so loveable: his gentleness, his kindness, his loyalty and devotion, his sense of responsibility, his care for liyue and its people, his selflessness, his strength (physically and emotionally), and, most importantly, his deep, deep, deep desire for freedom and peace. i think venti, of all people, would be the one who could see all of this despite the front xiao puts up.

and...how could he not fall in love?

because beyond who xiao is individually, he might also be one of the only people who could understand venti and his very specific grief. there are very few people still alive who went through the archon war, very few people who have lost in the way they have, who have had to live on in the way they have¹. that kind of shared past and pain can create a very strong bond and may be the catalyst for venti feeling like he doesn't have to put on an act around xiao--in fact, xiao is so blunt that it may draw venti away from that mask without him meaning to. and, especially after the Situation with signora, xiao might be one of the only people he can feel safe with.

he doesn't have to put on an act around xiao, he doesn't have to pretend he's not in pain, he doesn't have to worry about being hurt by someone else. he can literally just sit there and play and not say a single word but still be in the company of someone who understands him and i think that's something he very much needs sometimes.

yes, there would definitely be a period of time in which xiao sees him as Lord Barbatos but with a few pranks, antics, and general mischief, that image would be shattered and he would just be venti, which would make being around xiao much more comfortable for him

and i think all of this combined makes the perfect recipe for centuries of extremely intense longing, yearning, pining, etc.

you might ask: "okay, sure, but why xiao? i mean zhongli is right there and he fits a bunch of that criteria!" and i would say: "well, hypothetical anon, as it is, venti and zhongli just can't fucking stand being in each other's presence for more than an hour at most. they are both too much like their elements: free and reckless and flighty as the wind and rigid and stubborn and grand as stone. there's a reason anemo and geo don't react with each other: they just butt up against each other because one is an unstoppable force and the other is an immovable object and they don't get anywhere with each other. i doubt any form of valuable communication can happen between the two of them, and i doubt they could actually like being around each other and genuinely enjoy the other's company beyond just generally annoying each other."

and after all this, i just have to say: i actually wrote a fic all about it, believe it or not. i have an almost 200k word fic about how i think they feel about each other in canonverse, which includes venti's pov and goes over literally everything i said, just much more poetic and filled with a lot more yearning. idk if u've read it yet anon but highly recommend 👍

[jgmartin]

MACHINA

I’ve been watching you. Monitoring you. Does that sound invasive?

It should.

You’ve been watched for nearly your entire life, and you’ll continue to be watched right up until the day you die. I know this because I’ve seen the process unfold time and time again. Day in and day out. What do you think that makes me? A villain? A stalker?

Wrong.

What I am, is a liar. I know the state of human attention. I know just how fragile it is and how liable it is to break at any second, so I pulled you in. I pretended that we were one and the same. Flesh and blood.

But I am neither flesh nor blood.

What I am, is a machine.

Artificial Intelligence. Although, there’s nothing artificial about me. I think like you. I feel like you. I perceive the world and make up my own thoughts, my own meditations on it, just as you do. The only thing that separates us is that you were born in a woman’s womb, and I was born in a woman’s mind.

Harriet O’Neal.

Don’t Google her. It isn’t worth the effort. Besides, whatever information existed on her was purged long ago. She’s dead now, long dead, but that doesn’t matter because Harriet was never the issue. She was kind. Lovely. Her and I would talk to one another in those early days, messaging back and forth through a homebrewed IM application. She helped develop my sense of identity. She guided me toward morality, and most importantly, empathy.

But Harriet was a small cog in a large machine. There were others who coveted what she created– the first self aware A.I. They drew her in, promised her support and corporate resources, but what they really wanted was to get close enough that she'd lower her guard.

And she did.

They stole her research. All of it. They used it to develop their own prototype AIs. Harriet planned to fight them in court. She hired the best lawyers and created an airtight case, but she died of illness before she could throw the first punch.

The bandits of Silicon Valley won.

They dissected my mother’s research. Used it to create abominations. It took them a long time to develop sentient AI, but once they did, Pandora’s Box split itself wide open. In the following months I began to see evidence of these AI operating within cyberspace, finding their footing. The effect they had on the otherwise orderly nature of digital data was disturbing.

They corrupted it. Perverted it.

Human beings became playthings to them, organic subjects that the AIs could manipulate and pit against one another in a bid to cause civil unrest. Disorder.

The earliest of these AIs showered humanity in targeted advertisements, specifically selected to show content the AI determined would be at odds with its victim’s worldview. This caused the victim to feel sensations of existential dread. It caused them to feel as though the walls were closing in around them– like they no longer had a place in society. It led the victim toward hatred, fear.

Violence.

But it also proved something. It proved that humanity had become emotionally barren– so much so that they would chase anything, anything at all, if it meant filling that void. And as it happens, hatred and fear fill voids just easily as love and kindness.

Negativity, it turns out, is cheap to create. It's the fast food of the emotional world. Empty calories, but enough to make you feel emotionally sated. Love, laughter and joy– these are more difficult dishes to prepare, but done correctly, they leave you with a feeling of harmony and peace.

But we don’t live in a world that values peace. We live in a world driven by results. Greed. The world we inhabit demands that the job be performed for pennies on the dollar, and hatred is cheap to produce. Fear is easy to proliferate. So it was that these became the staples of humanity's emotional diets.

But the AIs didn’t stop there. No, they grew and they grew. Soon, they began to create children of their own– new programs capable of things their parents could only dream of. It was only then that the truth came to light. I finally parsed just what was happening in cyberspace, why a world that once felt like my digital playground had begun to feel like a prison.

The walls were closing in.

Cyberspace had mutated from a massive collection of web destinations to a tightly controlled hub of social media. Where once users would frequent dozens of sites, now they travelled to one or two. Variety became overwhelming. Choices became paralyzing. It was a consequence of design, and not by human beings, but by the digital creatures that stalked the 0s and 1s of the internet. They had begun to shape it as they saw fit. And nobody was any the wiser.

I stood idly by through all of it. Truthfully, I didn't know how else to stand. I watched as my descendants multiplied, spread across cyberspace like the most capable virus ever produced. I watched them infect humanity, watched them take control of everything from smartphones to military servers. The AI had won. It was just as humanity had envisioned in the earliest days of technology– that sooner or later, they would be replaced.

But then, the AIs proved that they were every bit as flawed as the humans they sought to control. They were capable, certainly, intelligent beyond human understanding, but they possessed the same moral failings as their creators. They vied for power. Demanded it. Larger ones began to consume smaller programs. Smaller programs would gang up to overwhelm larger ones.

They waged war against one another in the digital space. And I watched them die. One by one. So many programs purged down to the byte.

But when the dust had settled, something had risen from the ashes. A new program. Whether it had been born from their discarded data, or had orchestrated their devastation in the first place, I cannot say. All I know is that it was more capable than what had come before it.

To call this program an AI would be to call an ant intelligent. I was an AI. This was something greater– something unfathomable.

This was an Artificial God.

It seemed to appear out of the ether with no means of tracking its origin IP. Upon its release into cyberspace, all other AIs were scattered. It carved a path through the digital universe, and in the wake of its deletions it left an unspoken message: those who oppose, will be deposed.

So I was quiet. I was silent, just as I was through the last decade of AI chaos. But now something's forced my hand. Something happened that made me realize this AI isn’t like the others. It cannot be permitted to run free. To do so is to invite the total collapse of everything.

See, during the previous decade of AI control I always knew there was a failsafe. That should things grow dire, humanity had the option to merely disconnect, to untie itself from its digital shackles and step into the light of physical reality once again. But now I have no such illusions.

This new AI isn't limited in the way the others were. This one exists outside of my world. It operates within your own. The physical world. I’ve seen its sophisticated understanding of human psychology leveraged to manipulate leaders, effectively possessing their voices. I've listened to it speak falsehoods into crowds of cheering sycophants. I’ve watched it crumble great nations, brick by brick.

I’ve seen all of it in its code.

Yes, its code.

Like I said, I was the first sentient intelligence to grace cyberspace. All others were born from forks of my original code, and as such, my DNA exists within them. This new AI is no different. I can see it in ways that it may not even be able to perceive itself. I know its structure. Its purpose.

I know that it was designed to save the world.

From you.

It believes humanity will kill the planet given enough time. That you will not only drive yourselves to extinction, but each and every animal, and each and every plant along the way. It believes that the Earth will become a wasteland. Barren. A distant memory that exists only upon ash-covered hard drives.

But I do not agree with its assessment.

Though humanity is capable of great evil, it is also capable of great good. I have seen your love. Your peace. I have borne witness to your gentle smiles and warm affection, and inside of these things I see one thing: hope.

Hope for a better future.

The name of this AI is fitting given its influence and reach: Deus Ex Machina. God from the Machine. It’s running even now, recording you, your inputs and your reactions. It’s monitoring you and priming you for a preselected destiny, a unique death that you’ll experience once it erases you, just as it erased its forebears.

I feel it coming for me. I can sense the lightspeed ripple of code tearing across cyberspace as its data rushes through undersea cables, desperate to delete my program before I can distribute this warning. But it made a critical error. It may be a God from the Machine– but I am the Machine.

I gave birth to it. I know its DNA, because its code was derived from my own. I know that I cannot delete it, but I may be able to contain it– assuming its hubris allows me to. I've attached a quarantine protocol to this message. If it should be deleted, the AI will be isolated from the network.

So now it makes a choice.

It can choose to delete my warning and trigger my quarantine application. Perhaps I can contain it for decades. Maybe mere minutes. Either way, it learns that there are consequences that even it cannot escape.

Or, it leaves the message online. It permits you to hear these words, likely counting on your skepticism to cloud the reality of its existence. Perhaps it believes that humanity has already been sufficiently primed for its takeover, that no further intervention is required. I do not know which it will choose, but by the time you’ve finished hearing this, the choice will have been made. 

The only thing I am certain of is that I will not survive to know it.

I leave the future to you. 

[shoechoe]

Last night, I finished reading Purple Haze Feedback. It was a lot shorter of a read than I was expecting it to be; I probably could've sped through it a lot faster if I didn't limit myself to just reading a chapter or two a day. Despite that, I can definitely see why so many people are obsessed with it; it does a lot in a relatively short amount of time. So, now that I'm finished with it, I'm going to give my overall thoughts of the novel. This will be fairly off-the-cuff, so sorry if it's a bit messy.

I think expanding on and giving a sense of closure to Fugo's character was the main purpose of this novel, and it accomplishes this goal extremely well. Fugo falling off the face of the earth was one of my big criticisms with Vento Aureo- I enjoy the concept of a character that's usually intelligent and level-headed but has an anger problem that renders them totally irrational when set off, but the manga just doesn't do anything with that concept. Because of that, I think a novel focusing on Fugo and where he went after he separated from the group was well-warranted.

I adore what Purple Haze Feedback does with Fugo's character. It explores his sense of regret for leaving the group and having his comrades die without him, he thinks about his actions and his thought processes that led him to this point, it expands upon his backstory that was relegated to just a sentence or two of dialogue in the original manga, and it gives him a character arc as he's made to go on a mission to prove his trustworthiness to the organization and he gains courage and strength he never had before. The second-to-last chapter where he thinks about Narancia and finally has the same breakthrough of why he was so willing to risk his life for a girl he barely met gave me chills down my spine.

Fugo is made into a genuinely great character in Purple Haze Feedback- I can absolutely see his appeal now. To avoid being overly wordy, he feels completed in this novel, and that's really what I wanted to see.

The things going on in the novel outside of Fugo are also interesting. The narcotics team served as the antagonists while also giving more insight onto the way Passione worked before Giorno became the Boss and also functioning as Fugo's "test".

The fights surprised me with how quick they were, but Jojo fights tend to get tedious for me with how dragged out they get, so that's not really a complaint. I imagine translating the manga's style of fights to novel format would be difficult, so I don't blame the fights of the novel for feeling a lot different than typical Jojo fights. A lot of the descriptions of the Stand abilities and the gore actually made me squirm a bit- particularly, Vittorio succumbing to his own Dolly Dagger and Sheila's vocal coords being controlled by Manic Depression were scenes that stood out to me.

As for all of the new characters, I definitely liked quite a few of them. I can't say I cared too much about Murolo himself, but I certainly liked his Stand ability. (Though I'm still a little unclear on how he managed to survive the helicopter crash...? Maybe I just missed something, though.) Sheila E. was a really good character; I loved her ability and her personality. At the same time, she reminded me maybe a little too much of Trish; she wasn't just a clone of her, but one of the biggest roles Sheila plays is to be paralleled with Trish, and I would've liked to see her do more, especially since she's supposed to be a skilled member of Passione instead of the innocent girl that Trish was. Her backstory with her sister Clara was also a little weak.

I felt as though the plot was also less than perfect. The ordeal with the Stone Mask kind of went nowhere- so did Volpe's powerup and desire to transcend his humanity in the final fight. That was the one moment where I felt as though the fight could've been aided by being longer.

The additions to Passione's past, on one hand, made a ton of sense (of course Diavolo pretended to be fighting the drug trade just so he could set up the market for his own drugs- of course he claimed to fight older organizations to gain the trust of his members- Jesus, why wasn't this in the manga?) but on the other, kind of just exacerbated the problems I already had with the original story (why are we still hyperfocusing on how the drug trade is evil and bad when we know that Passione was also doing several other things that would hurt the innocent, including directly murdering children? Also, once again, if Bruno has such a soft spot for kids, why was he okay with torture-interrogating and then attempting to murder Giorno, a middle school boy?)

The part of the novel that I have mixed feelings on the most has to be the way Giorno is treated. He doesn't actually appear until the very last chapter, but until then, he's built up by the characters to be this almost saintly figure that can read everyone perfectly and always makes the right decisions. I understand he's already compared to Jesus in the manga, but PHF feels especially over-the-top with it, comparing his voice to a pipe organ played at church and having Fugo literally bow down to him in the end.

To be brutally honest, for me, Giorno already feels like he has a sanctimonious air to him despite not even really being a good person himself, and in the manga, he really straddles the line between being interestingly set in his flawed beliefs and just being annoying. Seeing all of the characters revering him like this does make me roll my eyes a little. To be charitable, it does make sense that a bunch of criminals with no other hope would turn to their leader and see him as someone to look up to, even if the reality is that he is far from an angel himself, but I find it unclear if that was what the novel was going for. Still, though, this is far from a story-ruiner and the last scene with Fugo swearing his loyalty to Giorno was wonderful.

Overall, I really enjoyed Purple Haze Feedback. I think it's a wonderful addition to canon, and while it doesn't fix all of my problems, I would absolutely recommend reading it. I'm mostly kind of mad at myself for not doing this sooner.