#so I can spend at least 6 hours processing it all over again

[moerusai]

Warning that I will stop tagging "man suang spoilers" this 29th.

COZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING. STREAM IT ASAP.

[freakassfemme]

chronically offline abby headcannons ✧˖*°

she is coping so well and thriving. i said i could fix her and i did

heyyyy so this is sort of kind of low-key a little bit of a continuation on beloved butch abby, the premise of the au and personality is the same. i got a request asking for more and i was thinking about this anyways and thought they worked well together

♫ above the chinese restaurant (laufey)

ೃ༄ abby is (unfortunately) a retired soldier, she's got a kid to look after, she runs a cafe downtown and she's got two dogs. all at like, 22. did we really think she has the time to go online for anything more than 🔍 thirty minute dinner recipes your vegan teenager isn't going to kill you over

ೃ༄ just kidding. she doesn't mind lev trying out new things lol. he is her whole fucking world, she's more than happy to spend time with him cooking something he remembers from home, giving each other grossed out faces when they fuck up the tofu again, and giving up and going to target 15 minutes before close to piece together some random junk food.

Manny will come over and cook with them sometimes, and that's always a fun time. he's got abby drunk before nine and she's just a laughing mess.

ೃ༄ she just loves being around Manny in general. they meet up for lunch a lot, go on runs together in the morning, work on each other's trucks, etc.,

now that she's living a normal life, she's able to take a serious Spanish class, and he's very supportive about it.

ೃ༄ definitely takes the dogs into the cafe with her. whenever someone complains about the pandora radio she puts on, she blames it on the dogs.

yeah she uses pandora until someone teaches her what Spotify is

ೃ༄ she's such a planner. she's got a huge chalkboard in the kitchen for the week and the month with both of their schedules drawn on it down to the hour if needed. hers is written in orange and lev's is written in green.

only watches tv once a week, and it's for a designated show that's so laid back, like the great British baking show.

"do you want to watch this show?" "no it's not Sunday"

ೃ༄ she's definitely the type to limit screen time, and lev himself isn't like partial to brain rot, but sometimes he says something that has her turning around like what did you just say eyes wide and everything

lev tells her to touch grass one day and she goes on a hike

ೃ༄ her favorite evening activities are taking the dogs on a sunset walk with lev, and then when lev's gone up to his room for the night, she will pack him like a little bento-type lunch. she'll cozy up in her lazy boy by the fireplace with Alice at her feet and journal away, sometimes until she falls asleep.

she's got BUCKETS of journals. it started in therapy after her dad passed, as like a coping mechanism to at least attempt to correct her thought processes, and it's always stuck. it's always made her feel like she's putting herself in order again.

after therapy, i feel like abby spent a lot of time thinking about religion. she never really found anything that clicks, but she reads a lot about buddhism and really appreciates the perspective.

ೃ༄ definitely has a weird phone setup going on. she's either got a really old like iPhone 7 with maybe 6 apps on it or one of those CAT flip phones lol. can you imagine flip phone selfies from her

ೃ༄ writes her grocery lists on a little piece of yellow paper that she'll tuck into her front pocket. carries specifically one of those bic ballpoint pens, has like 5 year old reusable grocery bags and a keychain for her Aldi quarter that she thinks is so clever and fun.

she definitely uses one of her favorite coins from her collection as her Aldi quarter.

ೃ༄ gets the paper delivered to her house. she prefers to read it that way, but she pays for lev to get a digital subscription to his kindle or something

ೃ༄ keeps her dads beat up, decaying quilt as a topper for her bed. she folds it up neatly every night and sets it in a rocking chair in the corner of her room, just to preserve it a little longer.

ೃ༄ knows how to get throughout almost the entire west coast without a map or gps or anything

ೃ༄ reading is HUGE in her house. lev's reading log was NEVER forged not once. she spent a whole summer building ceiling to floor bookshelves with a gorgeous trim and a mahogany stain. she loves to swing by the used bookstore after work every once in a while, the one where she can get a book for 25 cents or a big bag of them for two bucks.

every birthday, lev gives her a bag of books, and he always puts one in that he loves but isn't sure she will like. it's usually not her style, but she likes learning more about his interests and she thinks they're always very sweet books.

always secretly surprises lev with little books with transmasc characters or about real trans people. she will just leave them on his desk in their shared office or something with a little sticky note with a heart on it

ೃ༄ makes friends with the lanky manager of the record store with a weird fucked up tattoo when she's looking for more cassettes for her beat up truck.

"dude, you're the only person who has looked through this crate in like, six months. you can just take what you want."

"holy shit, really? it's the only thing i can play in my truck besides the radio."

"jesus, that's kind of funny. yeah, anytime you want, you can use my shit to make your little mixtapes. if I'm not here, just tell them Ellie said so."

ೃ༄ is definitely an active member of her local library, not only for reading material, but to check out music, and she loves to participate in the chess and book clubs.

really loves board games in general.

ೃ༄ I feel like abby loves Birkenstocks, but the clogs. she has a pair of sandals for the summer, but in my heart I know she's a clog girly.

ೃ༄ very simple, very minimalist wardrobe. I feel like she exclusively sticks to Levi's for jeans, and then she has like 8 black tee shirts and some thrifted sweatshirts and tee shirts.

would very much adore though if her girlfriend crocheted her a hat or a scarf or something <3

ೃ༄ speaking of girlfriends, I feel like abby really goes for opposites attract. she's so mild in appearance, that she loves someone that's a little over the top. maybe a little frilly, or adds odd little details to their outfits. she loves funky hairstyles and creativity in women.

ೃ༄ she loves making her own coffee. working at the cafe wasn't just convenience for her, abby loves the slowness of it. she loves packing the espresso, she loves checking on her sourdough every morning, she loved crafting her own tea blends. she definitely has a beat up metal French press, but she probably invests in her own espresso machine to keep at home too.

ೃ༄ i feel like eventually abby would coach for a sports team at lev's school. maybe he joined gymnastics or like, made the soccer team, and abby's packing-coolers-full-for-the-team and carpooling and excessive volunteering eventually takes her to leading after school drills and a best coach ever mug for the middle school boys soccer team lol.

this OR she becomes one of the most active parents any GSA has ever known to mankind

joins the pta

ೃ༄ is SO sentimental. has photos of people she loves all over the walls of her house, keeps tickets from movies and cuts out bits from the newspaper to keep in a little shoebox under her bed. she keeps her dad's medical journals and research on a special shelf above the fireplace.

her little flip hone has a blurry picture of her and Manny in the background

ೃ༄ Abby texts and types like this. She is a very formal typist. She will become very confused if someone texts her in lowercase or without punctuation.

[kivino]

KIVI, YOU SWEET ANGEL YOU.

can you write a price x gn!paramedic!reader where price is on leave, and maybe he gets into a car accident that isn’t too bad so he refuses to go to the hospital, but the cute paramedic keeps insisting on at least checking him out in the ambulance……….. 😋

DOUBLE VISION || JOHN 'BRAVO 0-6' PRICE X PARAMEDIC!GN!READER

Word counter – ~1.9k

Tags/Warnings – mentions of car crash, intoxication, medical examinations, fluff, first meeting, and lack of medical professionalism, lmao.

A/n – PLSS I HOPE YOU LIKE IT POOKIE, IT TOOK ME A HOT MINUTE TO GET TO THE REQUEST I’M SORRY MWAH. also credits for the name go to @mockerycrow as well, they’re a genious and have the biggest brain out of the two of us.

ao3 link for this fic

It’s always a slow process for John - getting used to the slow, civilian ways when he finally gets his leaves approved. When he spends so much time on the field, more often than not he starts to forget about “the other side” of life. Lack of noise, mundane mornings, and silent nights come and with them, the all-encompassing feeling of loneliness starts to set in his gut. John gets reminded about the lack of anyone’s presence in his life. No one is waiting for him back home, and no one will probably be any time soon, with how work takes over most of his free time. And then the captain remembers he’s not getting any younger.

Of course, he had plenty of experience and relationships before, but none of them lasted until now when his hair was already graying and wrinkles were starting to riddle his face here and there. John wasn’t insecure about his age, no, because that would be foolish, really, rather it was the fact that he had no one to share with all the years that were ahead of him.

What John also had a hard time getting used to was driving the busy streets of London with its crazy drivers after months of not getting behind the wheel, which brings him to this moment. Well, it really was on him for trying to get somewhere after happy hour in all the pubs in the area ended, he should’ve probably anticipated some drunk idiot would want to drive back home today. John wasn’t in the right headspace at the moment to fill out all the paperwork and figure out who was in the wrong. His thoughts were far away from here. Probably all the impact from the airbag and the hit.

He’s had it worse before, of course, so some bruises and scratches here and there wasn’t something he couldn’t handle. John felt some pulsing pain in his knee, making it harder to stand upright, and a bit of an ache in his neck from the whiplash, but again, it wasn’t as bad as getting thrown into the wall by an explosion or falling out of a damn helicopter.

So now he has to spend the whole evening working out things with the police and that drunk idiot who bumped into him, freezing his ass off in the rain. Just perfect. John feels a surge of annoyance and exhaustion wash over him, he pinches his brow, letting out an impatient sigh. Cops have arrived on the scene already and started examining the two collided vehicles, after putting around some traffic cones so some other lucky fellas don’t decide to join in on the fun. From his spot on the sidewalk, John can also see the paramedics, who had to get involved because as soon as cops started questioning that drunk guy, he decided to scrunch into himself and show the world all the contents of his stomach. As if it needed to get even more complicated than it already was.

“Excuse me, sir? You’re the other…driver involved in the accident?” John suddenly hears a voice, a bit on the quiet side, which brings him out of his thoughts that involve strangling somebody in a variety of different ways. And oh, his nights instantly become tens, if not thousands of times better when he sees the owner of said voice.

Judging by the identifying markings you were a paramedic, and a very cute one at that, with your dull green uniform and a big jacket on, brows tied together in a concerned expression. Oh, and your eyes, they looked absolutely lovely in the low streetlights. Price is taken aback for the moment, forgetting every word in his vocabulary. He feels his heart starting to beat faster, blood flowing through his veins so fast he’s sure if it wasn’t for the evening darkness he’d most likely resemble a tomato. But then John realizes he must say something because just staring at you would just make him seem like some old creep. And he absolutely didn’t want that.

“Yes, that would be me.” He speaks up after clearing his throat. You nod to that, attentive gaze still on him. John then adds on after a short pause, which took him to let out a deep sigh. “You need me for anything?” Anything. Something. Please.

“Just checking up.” John feels his heart melt at that small smile that grazes your lips, making it obvious you’re satisfied with his answer. “You seem to be holding up better than the other driver.” You joke in an attempt to either lighten up the mood, which John appreciates, or to calm yourself a bit. It didn’t escape him how you seemed a little shaky. It was Friday night, so today’s shift might have been rough on you. Always the Friday nights.

“Well, anyone would hold up better than that bloke.” He jokes with a bit of abandon, a low chuckle escaping his lips, as he starts to overthink himself. John suddenly feels like a dumb teenager, which is never a good sign, especially when there is someone he’s interested in right in front of him. Price feels like his laugh is too rough, stance is too relaxed and everything is just a bit too much when your eyes are on him. Oh, he’s so going to embarrass himself.

“True, but let’s not tell him that.” You give a quiet laugh and John’s worries die down a little. Not completely, but enough to let his eyes get glued to your face. “How are you feeling? Is there any abnormal pain, anything unusual or out of the ordinary?” Oh, so you’re the type to get straight to business, huh? Interesting. Price liked that. “If there’s anything wrong we’ll get you right to the hospital.” Price declined when he got asked about the hospital before by another paramedic because there was no way he was going to spend even more time out of his house because of some minor scratches. But if it meant you’ll be there, he’s calling dibs on the seat beside you in the ambulance truck, dear lord.

“My knee’s complaining a bit, love.” John can see your eyes going as big as two shiny coins when you hear that pet name, which, to be fair, slipped out completely unintentionally. However, by the way you instantly light up in another shy smile, he can tell you don’t really mind it, so his nervousness caused by this… “happy accident”, comes down again. “Some bruises, but I’m not about to hold you up because of those.”

“Oh, well, that’s alright, come with me and I can check you out…” You stutter over your words while talking a bit too quickly and once you understand what you said, an annoyed groan comes out of you. Way to embarrass yourself. “I mean, check your knee out in the ambulance, alright?” You again shoot him a smile. Which probably is in vain, since he’s a patient at the moment, and you’re at work, and that’s very much frowned upon, but what can you do? You don’t meet a man like that everywhere. He looks a bit rough around the edges, but that’s part of the charm.

“I’m sure your hands are already full with that hero of the day over there, I’m good.” What. The fuck. Are you doing. John. The only chance he gets to talk to you and he’s blowing it, for fuck’s sake. He didn’t know why he said that. Maybe not to seem desperate in a very self-sabotaging way, but that’s just. Oh, John, you’re too old for playing some damn games with someone you like.

“You know what? I insist.” Your voice is lower and rougher. And when you top it off with another one of your sweet smiles and a gentle touch on his shoulder? John is a gone man. Turning into a much, a putty, if you will. God, for this perfect smile he was ready to smash and repair every single house appliance and pipe in your house.

“Alright then. Anything for you, love, lead the way.” And you did, with your hand resting softly on his back, helping him forward. John wished you would’ve been bolded with your touch, so he could feel more than just a light graze, but still. It felt good.

And then he finds himself in the back of the ambulance truck, this cramped, tiny space making him hold his breath from being so goddamn nervous in your presence. You told him to take a seat while rummaging through some cabinets and various medical bags for something. Seemingly not finding anything that you needed you spoke up to him again.

“Okay, now let me see your knee, sir.” You mumbled while kneeling in front of him, your eyes concentrated on the man. He didn’t mind you calling him sir at all. John was so used to being called that, but right now it just spread that very pleasant warm feeling inside of him.

“Well, I’m not taking my pants off. Not without a dinner first.” Price chuckled, as he tried rolling up one of his pants legs. And, well, his statement wasn’t that far from the truth. The whole deal with examination was a bit awkward to begin with, so he didn’t want to make it even worse.

“I’ll think about it, big guy.” You chuckle, as you finally start looking at his knee, small, feather-light touches sending sparks over Price’s skin. So, you enjoyed teasing him like that, huh? In combination with that nice, sweet smile? Oh, John is sold. He definitely should you invite somewhere while he still has time on his leave. But before he can open his mouth to make a brave offer you speak up again. “Looks like you have a minor sprain in here, your knee’s all swollen. I’ll apply some elastic bandages, that you’re going to have to wear for some time and redo yourself. But overall you seem to be doing good” Price couldn’t help but feel like that last remark wasn’t about his health.

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s all fine with me, love. Do what you have to.” You only nod in response, spending some time rummaging in the cupboards once again and emerging victorious with a roll of elastic bandages in your hands. You return to your previous position in front of John, and adjust his knee with a firm hand, mumbling a quiet “Hold still, please”. Oh, he’d freeze for centuries if you had asked him to. But he does, and as you wrap the bandage around his knee, which just kept pulsing with hot pain, he couldn’t help but admire you. The trained movements, the concentrated gaze, the warm touch…Maybe he really should act on his thoughts. Maybe it’s his chance. Maybe something can work out and this accidental meeting will become…something more.

Price wanted it to become something more.

His imagination ran rampant, picturing you wearing some nice and fancy, in case you do agree on a date. John totally should not be thinking this when you were right there, finally putting some finishing touches on his knee bandaging, so he forced them out of his mind and cleared his throat. Here goes nothing. But before Price can even utter a single sound you’re already being called over by your colleague. Guess he’ll just have to wait until you’re free of your duties, huh?

check out my masterlist or send me a request/comment!

[kangals]

what does the grooming process look like for stellina and kep?

my 'process" for grooming is very much what i would call 'poor man's dog training':

get a silicone lick-mat

apply peanut butter very generously

slap that bad boy onto the front of the fridge/kitchen appliances at dog eye-level

groom while they're distracted

i start this process day 1 as puppies and continue it through their whole lives. should i actually be putting in the effort to actually train them to stand still and quietly for grooming without the need for food distraction? yes. do i? no i'm lazy.

or if you're asking about like, what grooming i'm actually doing:

hair: i do an all-over brush at least once a week (should do twice but again, lazy and not needed). takes like 20-30 mins. my 'schedule' for brushing is basically this:

red areas (behind ears, arm/legpits) are high-friction and very prone to matting. these you have to brush out at least once a week, no exceptions, or you will get mats. this is also very sensitive skin so it's good to desensitize them to brushing as much as you can.

yellow areas should be brushed at least once weekly to comb out any tangles and debris, but are less prone to matting.

and then the rest of them i'll brush through but that's about it, that part pretty much never tangles.

i normally just use a pin brush and slicker brush, and a metal comb for the yellow/red areas. sometimes an undercoat rake if they're very sheddy.

collies are 'dry' dogs - they don't really drool, and they don't have the oily waterproof coat that breeds like a lab or hound does, so they're naturally low-odor without much of a 'doggy' smell. i'll bathe every 4-8 weeks depending on what the weather's like and if their skin seems like it's getting cruddy. 2-3 times a year i'll take them to a groomer to have them do a 'deshed' treatment where they really blow out the undercoat, because this makes a huge difference in keeping them comfortable in the heat, and in how much hair i have to vacuum.

for stellina i've also been getting an outline trim (shortening up the yellow areas on the pic with long feathering) in spring and fall, it just keeps things cleaner and it makes a huge difference in the amount of time i have to spend brushing.

feet: i dremel nails every week, same PB-mat method as with brushing. every week is probably overkill but i think it's good desensitization and also i hate long nails on dogs so i'm a bit anal about it. collies tend to get long hair on the feet/between the pads, some people like the 'grinch feet' look but personally i fucking hate it so every 4-6 weeks i just take round-tip scissors and clean them up.

other: the rest i do as needed, e.g. if i see any wax/debris in the ears i'll do a clean with OTC ear cleaner and a cotton ball. one of stellina's eyes tends to be teary, so about once a week i take a warm washcloth and wipe them down to prevent tear stains. and then i vacuum my house weekly, sometimes every 2 weeks if it's not too bad.

honestly i'm writing a lot but what i've listed here is way less than 1 hour a week on average, collies IMO are not particularly high-grooming needs dogs (compared to, say, a doodle or OES that needs daily brushing and regular professional grooming). i find the grooming and hair totally manageable. i honestly prefer dealing with long hair because it tends to clump together on the ground, rather than short hairs that fly and scatter into everything. people tend to see roughs and go 'oh no way too much hair' but like, it is super manageable as long as you've got half an hour at some point each week to brush your dog. i'm very obsessive about my pets being 'neat' and i do fine.

sorry for the incredibly overly-long answer to your very simple ask lmao

[soracities]

HOW do you read so much ?? i'm genuinely curious teach me ur ways </3

anon i promise the most recent book i read took me 6 months to finish and the one before that was another 6 months despite being less than half the length--i have a lot of disparate readings that i post from but they don't all occur over the same period of time in the least.

and in all honestly reading, for me, is not about how "much" i read anymore but on whether or not i'm enjoying what i am reading and if i'm being true to my own pace, impulses, and interests as i do so: measuring books in terms of a checklist or reading for the sake of appearing "well-read" or because you think you have to speedrun your way through 6 hardbacks a month to qualify as a true Reader™ (which is an utterly ridiculous title because It Does Not Exist) will only put a great deal of pressure on yourself and in the process actually rid you of the joy of reading in the first place (i say this because i've been there, many many moons ago).

if you want to establish reading as a habit for yourself, the best thing i can advise you is to first of all: go at your pace--don't throw yourself into books you feel obliged to read but find ones that give you the most joy to begin with. how easy it will be to establish a reading routine will depend on a number of things--what you are used to reading and how you are used to reading things (and this in turn can also be affected by things like social media and how much time you spend there) and also what your own schedule and time constraints look like. i think the easiest way to start is to just set yourself a limit of 5 minutes: for 5 minutes straight you read, and then when those 5 minutes are up, you go for another 5. once those 5 minutes are up you go for another 5 again. it's a very manageable low-pressure way to begin and in the vast majority of cases you don't even realise when your 5 minutes are up once you get into the flow of this.

you can also pick a workable number and incorporate that into your day-to-day life: if you take a number like 20, for example, you can then decide to either read for 20 minutes or read 20 pages before bed. alternatively, have a no social media day and in the open space that gives you allow yourself an hour or 30 minutes (or whatever works for you) with whatever book of your choice (you can also use an app like Forest to stop you getting distracted by your phone). at the end of the day i think the main thing in building a reading habit is that you center your own pleasure and also, once you find a routine that works for you, to stick with it--i think social media is disastrous for attention spans on the whole unless you're very careful and intentional about what you do with it and how you use it, and it can be very difficult sometimes to adjust to the quietening that reading forces on you in comparison to scrolling through tiktok or ig.

in any case though, i hope some of this has helped you anon, even if only a little x

[physalian]

#Writer Problems

Meet the 15th character in this series with a name that starts with A! No one will notice hahaha

Going back and deleting the sighs to shake things up a bit because there’s 120 in the manuscript

*checks notes* whoops you died already, Side Character, my bad

*one paragraph* Perfect. Amazing. Poetic. Profound. *the next paragraph* what is words do?

Knocking out a 6k word chapter in an hour/Spending a week on a single transition

*slaps down a shiny new character with zero plan* You don’t know anything about them and neither do I, let’s discover them together

Realistically, there’s gotta be at least one casualty from this fantasy battle so…. *rolls dice* no not you. *rolls dice again* yep. That’ll do. Sorry, pal.

Is this badass or stupid?

Is this hot or cringey?

*checks notes* damn it, plot hole.

Upon this most recent round of edits, you, Cool Side Character, no longer made the cut. Mayhaps you’ll be recycled later.

*checks notes* damn it, I fixed that plot hole by opening another plot hole.

Jesus christ I wrote ‘just’ 308 times across 120k words?

That is definitely not how you spell that

*dreams about my characters in full HD technicolor* awwww yeah, where’s the popcorn? *cannot replicate how cool it was in actual words*

Unes- Unnecs- Unessis- Unnessessarily- Unnecessarily fuck

Do I go with the British grey or the American gray?

*cries* this epic was supposed to be a novella

Well these two were supposed to be having an argument here. But making out is fine. I’d like to see where this goes.

Oops I forgot the straights, here that nameless dude over there isn't confirmed gay, so you can headcanon that he's straight if you want

Oops I forgot that marriage exists uhhh yeah their other parents are all dead or deadbeats

Fuck love triangles here’s a double-helix dodecahedron.

One day my fandom will write so much smut about this guy and I am here for it cause I sure ain’t doing it myself

Oops I forgot people with green eyes exist but brown eyes? I got 20

*describing the writing process* It was the best of times, it was the worst of times it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

I. Hate. Chapter. Titles.

Is this profound or pretentious?

*crafts an absolutely banger metaphor* I hope someone notices this. I put a lot of work into it

I didn’t spend 6 months perfecting this masterpiece for you to sass that the curtains are just blue. I’ll write the goddamn essay myself about all the depth behind my color choices, sir.

Picture that Spongebob dehydrated in Sandy’s treehouse meme ‘cause that’s me on round 12 of edits

I gotta be up for work in 4 hours but this monologue is more important

*distills 30 pages of worldbuilding notes into 2 paragraphs of a fluff scene* somebody will appreciate this, won’t they?

*listening to my book playlist* one day when this is adapted I hope this artist is still alive to compose the main theme cause this shit fucks

*cries* this trilogy was supposed to be just one book

If I turn this plot hole into a character flaw, they become the problem while I remain god

*looting themes, monologues, character names, and archetypes off the corpses of my dead WIPs* You won’t miss them anyway.

While it also immortalizes this person’s dickish behavior, yes, I will, in fact, write a whole character’s backstory as a middle-finger to this one bitch from 10 years ago.

*steps back to gaze at all the suffering done unto my deuteragonist* but it was worth it, wasn’t it?

*staring down yet another loathsome action set piece* whyyyyy do I do this to myself?

Nobody’ll notice my author insert if I dice them up and divvy them out in bits to my entire cast, right? Right? It’s like a shell game of what’s author and what’s fiction

These two are going to be a problematic ship one day and I will burn that bridge when I get there

*2am and I am scouring the internet for that one piece of a fort’s defenses because not remembering is the current root of my insomnia*

*Nudging my favorite character who isn’t the protagonist out onto stage* golly I hope the readers like him

Waiting. For. Editors. Takes. So. Long.

Holy butts accidental motif and deep symbolism fucks. I am so pretending I did that on purpose.

To subtext or not to subtext? Nah, to subtext. *laughs maniacally*

Trying to ride that line between so obvious it’s painful but also juuust enough foreshadowing so you slap yourself for not seeing it sooner

TIL that I have been using that word completely wrong for years. How quaint.

No you’re derivative schlock. I’m crowd surfing the books that came before and loving every second of it.

Damn I wasted a really good name on this throwaway character

*checks notes* wait, who's taller? Where does your hair part? Are you left or right-handed?

*musing over a character slated for death* damn, I really like you. Since I am in fact god, you shall live another day. *rewerites the entire finale*

God I hope people like this story

[fartenthusiastwriter]

Merry Christmas, Billy Boy! A TSOBB Holiday Special (1/2)

‘Twas the night before Christmas tucked away in bed, Will slept soundly as naughty dreams filled his head. Set between Part 6 and Part 7. Where you can find all parts of TSOBB. Minors DNI

- - - - -

I stirred from my sleep, slowly removing myself as little spoon so I didn’t wake up Clay. Noise from the living room had woken me up. I successfully removed myself, leaving Clay to snore away.

I slowly opened the bedroom door, inspecting the living room in the dim light of the Christmas tree. My eyes landed on a large, dark figure. I swang the door open and flicked the light on. I couldn’t believe who the intruder was.

In front of me was a Giant Santa Claus bent over looking through a large bag of gifts. Santa was larger than I ever could’ve imagined; his frame was several feet wide with a large balloon belly. He had to have been at least 8’ tall, barely fitting in our apartment. Even with his legs straight as he bent over, I was face level with his ass.

And what an ass it was. Encased in red cotton pants, his globe cheeks jutted out over his back, around his hips, and on top of his legs. My eyes were glued to the biggest ass I’d ever seen stretching his pants to the brim. The outline of a jockstrap shown through the strained material. The pants wedged between the watermelons, spread out to show the outline of his hole.

MRRRRERRRRRREY

A joyful noise erupted as I took in the feast that was Santa’s ass. “Ohoho, excuse me!” Santa blurted, leaning up and almost hitting his head on the light. “Milk and cookies always have a way of sneaking out.” He chuckled as he turned to me. “Merry Christmas! As I’m sure you’ve put together, I’m ol’ Saint Nick.” He gave his belly a pat and followed it with a deep “Ho Ho Ho”

If it wasn’t for the size of this man, I wouldn’t believe it, but I’ve never seen a man so large. Given the front door is still locked, I had no choice but to at least go along, “uh Merry Christmas, Santa. I’m Will.”

“I know, Will. I know who everyone is.” Santa bellied another chuckle. “But what I can’t seem to recall is whether you’re on the Nice List or the Naughty List”

Santa snapped his fingers and a large book appeared floating in front of him. He started strumming through pages, running his finger down each. Santa finished looking through the book and closed it. “Well you’re not on the Naughty List so that’s a good sign.”

The book disappeared and a much smaller book took its place. Santa continued the same process. He got to the end once again and made a puzzled face.

“That’s odd,” Santa commented, rubbing his fluffy beard. “You don’t appear to be on the Nice List, either.”

I felt beads of sweat start running down the back of my neck. What could that mean?

“Let me take a look at your file.” Santa snapped his fingers again, replacing the book with a grimy folder. An awful smell filled the room, as Santa opened the folder and flies flew out. “Now this should be an interesting read.”

That wasn’t a good sign.

“Lingered in bathroom stalls to hear other guys relieve themselves, pretended to tie your shoe behind a runner on the train. You’ve spent over 20 hours in your boyfriend’s ass, almost half of that he was unaware?” Santa tutted his tongue and shook his head. “You’ve even stopped doing your work, spending your day sniffing up your intern’s farts and making him do it?? I see what this is.” The look on Santa’s face sent a shiver down my spine and pleasure through my cock.

“That was no average indigestion earlier.” Santa warned, rubbing his belly. “You weren’t on a list because I haven’t had the pleasure of someone like you in a long time. God I’m looking forward to this, it’s been far too long.”

Santa snapped his fingers again and his clothes changed immediately. He went from the classic Santa outfit to only suspenders over a wifebeater, strapped to a pair of tighty whities. Only long black socks covered his massive feet.

Looking down, I realized my attire changed as well. I was now butt naked with a cage on my cock. I tried to reach and touch it to find my arms tied behind my back. I looked over my torso to see it covered in all kinds of demeaning humiliating names. The most prominent word was “NASTY.”

“I got rid of it after people stopped ending up on it; where you belong is the Nasty List.” Santa explained while he slowly approached you. “Rather than gifts or coal, you get a night with Santa you’ll never forget.”

- - - - -

Find Part 2 here!

[tommy-kinard-buckley]

Christmas! Also the Friendly Nudge one because TK!

This is both also I accidentally screwed up one for @30somethingautisticteacher for the Christmas one so he y'all go!

Buck is sitting on his boyfriend’s couch with a cup of coffee while rewatching the Descendants movies on the older man’s Disney+ account when his boyfriend walks through the door while rubbing his tired shoulder. “Do you want me to massage that shoulder for you, sweetheart?” Buck puts the coffee mug down and readjusts himself so the older man can sit on the couch. “I know that you really wanted me to be able to spend Christmas with you and the 118 but I have to work for the holidays. I’ll try and talk with Commander Hicks and see if I can at least get Christmas day off but I don’t wanna get your hopes up about it.” Tommy leans back against the younger man sitting behind him and wonders how he almost let himself lose this about 6 months ago. It’s honestly okay if you can’t, it’s not like I’ll be alone, and besides, you’ll be able to come home to me on Christmas night so I’ll celebrate with you then.” Tommy remembers the talk that he had with Mumford a few hours ago on this topic and decides to take a chance and ask Evan about it. “The LAPD has this yearly holiday fundraiser thing which is why I’ll be working for the holidays this year, we’re able to bring a plus 1 if we have one and I was wondering if you’d be mine.” Tommy turns his head to look his boyfriend in the eyes so he knows that he’s being serious. “I’d be meeting your team if I said yes.” Evan isn’t asking but letting the fact sink in slowly, Tommy is aware of this and gives Evan the time that he needs, which is odd given that Evan had done the same thing 6 months ago. “You’d be meeting the only true family that I have.” Tommy lets Evan process the request but still panics about if he’ll say yes or no. “Are you sure that you want to do this?” Tommy smiles at the younger man and places a hand on top of the hand that is still on his shoulder. “Completely.” “Then yes, I will be your plus one to this LAPD event.” Tommy gets giddy like he never has before and feels really childish but also doesn’t care all that much about it for the first time in his life.

And also giving a friendly nudge

Buck can’t remember the last time he was this nervous about a first date, glad that he has his friend on the phone and his best friend sitting on his bed. “You are overthinking this outfit, Buck. I get that this is your first date with Tommy since he left you, but you need to calm down or I’m going to reach through our phones and smack you across the face.” Buck playfully glares at the blurry person on his phone, T.K. falling over after getting smacked across the head by Carlos. “Thanks so much for the help, T.K.” Buck rolls his eyes while buttoning up the shirt that T.K. let him use, given that it was the shirt that he wore on his second date with Carlos. “Seriously though, thank you for letting me use this shirt.” Buck smiles at T.K. as he readjusts himself on his couch and sends a playful glare towards his boyfriend. Buck finally leaves the house and heads to the cafe where he had asked Tommy to meet him at for their first date (again) and orders their coffee’s. Buck looks around the open cafe for the sergeant and slightly panics when he doesn’t see him, thinking that Tommy will never show up.

[philosophiums]

hi sam!! 1, 2, 6, 8, 12, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28, 30, 42, 43, 44, 45, 47, 50, 51, 55, 57, 66 (lmhs), 71, 72, 76, 78, 79 😊 i just love picking another writer's brain hehe

KSJDBVJKDFBV MARIAM IM CRYING HELP 😂 *cracks knuckles* okay let's gooooo 💜 (there's gonna be a read more somewhere)

questions from here!

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

Truly depends on the length of the wip! For short stuff that I'm confident will be under 10k, I just go in swinging. For longer stuff, I'm daydreaming constantly, even during the writing process. When I had a desk job, I would spend Work Time thinking and then write stuff out in my notes app, but now that I operate a moving vehicle for 7+ hours a day, I just spend the majority of that time Daydreaming, Thinking, and Planning for LMHS.

2. Where do you get your fic ideas?

It's about a 60/40 split between original thoughts (as much as anyone can claim to truly have original creative thoughts that are 100% not inspired by anything else) and ideas that are based on or inspired by the premises of other fics or by fanart (sometimes not even from the same fandom).

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

From LMHS, last line of chapter 3: "Sun shining on their backs, sweet snacks in their stomachs, and laughter in the air, the three of them take off together, venturing once again deeper into Changyin’s busy streets."

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Not written out yet so I can't post a snippet, but in LMHS, water is so important to Megumi's character, way beyond just bending.

12. Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

Sometimes! I did outline LMHS, though that was mostly an attempt on my part at keeping track of all the thoughts @hinamie and I were throwing at each other. It's not very detailed at all, just a bullet point list of things like "they travel to [location] - remember that [this character] is with them" or stuff like that. It's a guide for the like... movement™ of the fic, but less so the nitty gritty details, which I kind of enjoy discovering as I go (be it while I'm writing or while Hina and I are talking). But the last long fic I wrote (250k) did not have an outline. I just followed my heart and the vision I had of the end of the fic <3 The back half of that fic did have a canon timeline to follow, though, which made it easier.

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in?

SJKDBJKSDB I do about 95% of my writing in a big leather wingback armchair in my living room, usually with one leg hooked over an arm of the chair. The other 5% is bleary-eyed, 2am in bed, notes app, half-finished sentences with just the worst spelling you've ever seen.

15. What’s your favorite time to write?

It used to be between 1am and 3am, back when I was unemployed/working a job I didn't have to properly sleep for. Now, the only time I seem to be able to write is from about 8:30pm to 11pm. It takes me forever to unwind after coming home, so I can really only get myself to focus way at the end of the day. 100% if I went back to a desk job or stumbled into a pile of money that could let me stop working, I'd be right back to typing away well after midnight.

17. Do you have a writing routine?

Sit down > open word doc > reread last paragraph > dissociate > walk away > come back three hours later and write SKJDVBDKJBVJKDFBV

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

I don't necessarily enjoy it, mostly because when I'm researching, I tend to get pulled down a rabbit hole of stuff I don't need to know and will never use. However, I do find that I end up doing impromptu "shotgun" research a lot while writing. Literally while writing the first chapter of LMHS, I had to pull up some research on trees just to make absolutely sure I was describing something correctly. It's 100% an inconsequential detail, but at least I know I wasn't pulling it completely out of thin air KSJVDBDKJVB I don't think I could honestly say which fic required the most research. If we include the amount of time I spent on the respective fandom wikis for character/canon details, then Swallow the Stars for sure. But if it's only for Other Stuff™, then I think they're all about equal.

19. Do you enjoy creating OCs or do you prefer to stick solely to canon characters?

I love making OCs in general, but not really for fanfic. I'll make an OC for an inconsequential side character no problem (did this a couple times in Swallow the Stars), but, for the most part, I prefer to stick to canon characters. I've never written a fic from the POV of an OC, and I doubt I ever will. I would much rather explore the dynamics between canon characters than insert a new main character into a story that already has one.

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

Depends! I've done all three before SKJDVBDKJVBF Sometimes, a title comes to me right away, and I can sort of circle around it while I'm writing (this is more common for me with short fics). Sometimes, I get a few thousands words in, and have played with the themes long enough to have it just sort of come to me. Other times, I'm fully edited and just staring at the words begging a title to appear so I can post KSJDVBDKJFVBDFV LMHS had a title before I even started writing, because I wanted to have a title when I posted the fic announcement. As far as how I come up with them, I've pulled directly from words in the fic, I've gone on random quote generators and pulled from those, I've sat down and literally just strung words together based on a theme or a single specific word I wanted (LMHS, for instance, came from a desire to use the word "haunt"). It just kinda depends and is different for every fic!

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

The beginning is easiest because it's fun character introductions and scene setting, not a lot of plot yet. The middle is by far the hardest because that's where the plot is beefiest and where a lot of the transition spaces are, and at the same time you're starting to gather up the threads you want to tie off at the end.

24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?

I choose based on whose thoughts I'm imagining most when I'm first thinking of the story! When I'm new to writing for a fandom, I will sometimes have to start a fic 2 or 3 times to find the voice that comes easiest to me, though. I have a tendency to lean towards the quieter characters, but that's not always true! For example, Andrew Minyard's POV is easier for me to write in, but I have more fun writing Neil, so I tend to gravitate towards Neil for AFTG fics.

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

World building my beloved..... I love coming up with Reasons for things that I want to happen, tying things into the setting and the history and making sure it works for the characters as well. The moment when everything connects is so magical.

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

Writing KJDBKJDFBVJKDBFV Words are just.... so hard 😭

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

Detailing! Descriptions! I am constantly fighting with myself over how much detail I actually need to include in my descriptions, because on some level, I want to describe it as much as I possibly can so that it can be envisioned easier, but on the flip side I know for a fact that no matter how much I describe something, no one will ever see it exactly the same way I do. And so then I pull back too far, I think, and keep my descriptions bare minimum, which I think is just as unhelpful. I need to work on finding a balance. Maybe metaphor can be my friend here.....

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

I usually go through for edits a minimum of two times and a maximum of 4 times. I always do an initial read-through for details that I missed or clarifications I need to make or continuity problems, stuff like that. Then I'll go through for grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc. If I end up rewriting a lot during that second edit, I'll go back through yet again just to double-check everything. And, more often than not, I do a last read-through right before I post. Though, inevitably, there's always something that I don't catch until it's already posted KJSBDVKDJBV

42. What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with?

I'm really quite keen on Like the Moon Haunts the Sun !! It's longer than what I usually go for with titles, but it's sooooo thematically fitting and just really really pretty imo. But, This Is What Hollows holds a special place in my heart because it's a bit different and yet perfectly fitting for that fic. Plus, it was titled loooong before I came up with a way to include it in the actual writing of the fic, and I felt like an absolute genius when I managed to do that organically.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I have a world mostly built for a fantasy setting with dragon gods and stuff that I've planned out all the lore for and yet cannot for the life of me actually think up a plot that would be interesting to write SKJVBDJKVB I have characters, I have setting, I have themes, but a plot? Evading me. And it's been haunting me for like 7 years.

44. What is your favorite genre to write?

Urban fantasy 100%!! I love writing magic systems without having to do historical research SKJBDVKJDVB Also just the idea of magic in a place that we live in is so special to me like... there is magic everywhere in the world, but sometimes that magic really does come from a spell book like Yes Please.

45. What genre/trope do you tend to write the most?

Found family trope my beloved,,,,,,,, don't look too closely at it; it doesn't say anything about me as a person I Promise.

47. Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

Not a trope, but when I was younger and Working Through Some Shit, I included a, I guess, circumstance™ that I will not actually say (bc it's like. triggering) in just about every fic I wrote, but I'm past the point now (thank god) of needing to vent through it, so I truly don't think I'll ever include it in anything ever again.

50. How would you describe your writing style?

HHHHHHH I have no idea. I think I am incapable of looking at my writing objectively enough to describe it.

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Very much so! I love reading prose that is rich in metaphor and simile, but for the life of me I can't write like that. I don't have the gift of constantly being able to turn a phrase so beautifully, but god is it gorgeous to read.

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I don't even want to think about the words and phrases I overuse because I'm sure there's plenty JSKDBVKJDFVB I do have a recurring theme of like... healing, though. This deep inner struggle of the characters to get to a better place is just... so important to me. I want them to heal, but more than that I want them to want to heal.

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

I'm certainly conscious of it, but less so on the first draft. I think foreshadowing has a way of sneaking into my writing naturally (especially because I write chronologically), and then I can really hammer it in during the edit. Symbolism is purely being brought in during the first edit unless it's something so important that it was underlined a lot during the drafting/planning stage.

66. What’s a fun fact about LMHS?

It started as me just randomly thinking about ATLA and sending a question to Hina about what she thought the main trio's bending elements would be, and it just tumbled out of control from there SKJDVBDJKVFB

71. Do you spend more time reading or writing?

Writing, which is... saying something because I really don't spend a lot of time writing on a day-to-day basis. But I haven't read a published book in.... 4 years? And I don't read fanfic very often either, despite my bookmarks tab being overflowing with fics that I would like to read at some point. I just feel like I never have the time or energy to sit down and read.

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

I have gotten a similar comment from multiple people that is about my characterization of canon characters within AUs and how it still feels like the canon characters but with realistic changes based on a different setting, and in fic writing I can't think of higher praise. Like... that's exactly what I want. I don't want the characters to be exactly the same as canon because their circumstances have changed, but I still want them to be recognizable. That's always what I'm striving for, and it makes me happy that people notice and think it's executed well enough to comment on.

76. How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

Poorly KDEJVBKJDEFVBJKDFVBJF Really though, I struggle managing pressure when I'm writing. And it's always internal, because external pressure on fics just makes me petty since it's Free Labor, and people who complain about a slow upload schedule or whatever just make me Mad. But internal pressure is HHHHHHHHHH I am Going Through It with LMHS. I want it to live up to expectations, but I also want to finish it quickly, but I also want it to be lush and complete, and there's always this voice in my head telling me I'm not writing fast enough or good enough. Mostly I work past it by reminding myself that the time will pass anyway and that it's a miracle that I can even write ~1k words a day with how tired my job makes me. And on the days when that doesn't work, I have loud music KSJDVBDKJVBJDKFV

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

Up to the point where I start posting (for my last long fic, I was >100k in before I uploaded the first chapter), the motivation comes from a simple desire to write that particular story. For me, it can't come from anywhere else. If I don't want to write on a fic anymore and I haven't uploaded yet, I'll just stop. However, once I start posting, comments and general interaction with the fic gives me a huge bump in motivation. Engagement and talking about the story and the characters and the plot just makes me so excited to keep going so that I can drop the next plot twist or cliffhanger and read everyone's reactions. This time, for LMHS, I am very very lucky to have my own personal cheer squad of one (Hina) motivating me daily through memes and character discussion and new pieces of art and other various things <3

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

The best actual constructive writing advice that I can give is: Do Not Edit Something Until You're Done. And yes, I mean the entire story - do not go back and reread/rewrite until you're done with it. Nothing will make your forward momentum disappear faster than going back to edit. If you're too hung up on details and perfection right away, you're never going to get done. You have to just write and accept that things will need to be reworked. Make notes for yourself on things to fix later or whatever, just do not scroll back up and start editing before you're done with something. It will only make you disappointed that where you pick up again isn't going to look as nice as what you just edited.

[artiststarme]

Part 2 of the Van Vandalism fic but can be read as a stand-alone. This part was heavily influenced by a comment by @doubleb11 and @zerokrox-blog requesting a boyfriend for Steve lol.

~*~*~*~

Eddie had taken to spending all of his free time at Family Video. He couldn’t help it! Steve was so intoxicating and the more time Eddie spent with him, the more he wanted to hang around. It started with Steve loaning him the Beemer while he tried to raise enough money to replace the tires on his van. Eddie would drop him off at work then speed over to the garage to work his shift before hustling back over to Family Video to pick him up and take him home. Everything was going well and they had a system in place… 

Until Eddie found out that Steve sometimes forgot to pack a lunch on his long shifts. So, he had no choice but to add it to his schedule! Every weekday he would; pick up Steve, drop him off at work, go to the garage, take Steve some lunch, go back to the garage to finish his shift, pick up Steve, go out to dinner with him at the diner, take him home, sleep, then repeat. 

And what was he supposed to do when his day off didn’t align with Steve’s? Really, the only option he had besides being depressed in his trailer alone was hanging out with Steve at Family Video gossiping about the fellow people of Hawkins. It was a no brainer. He would take a seat up on the counter and talk to Steve while he rewound tapes or processed late fees. Hell, he even organized the shelves a time or two. Eddie thinks he was probably at Family Video more than Robin was and she worked there. 

It’s just… Steve was so perfect. He was kind and gentle and understanding. His kind actions spit in the face of what he used to be like in high school and it caused Eddie’s schooltime crush to return with a vengeance. It wasn’t like it was before in which Eddie would pine hopelessly and flee whenever Steve so much as looked at him. Now, being with Steve felt almost attainable and it filled Eddie with a hopeful joy he’d never experienced before. 

It was just another weekday that Eddie strolled into the video store to once again drop off lunch to Steve on his lunch break. He had an hour lunch and you better believe he was going to spend at least half of it with Steve (and the other half driving to and from work). The man in question looked up at the sound of the bell chiming and rolled his eyes humorously. “What are you doing here? I know for a fact that you have appointments until six today.”

Eddie grinned at him and detailed boisterously, “I’m bringing you lunch! You didn’t bring one with you today when I picked you up so I decided to display my unending gratitude with a bountiful harvest of nourishment!” 

Steve’s eyes squinted and his lips pursed as he tried to decipher his words. After a moment of silence, Eddie took pity on him and smirked. “I brought you lunch, dude. It’s the least I can do.”

He shook his head, “you don't owe me shit. It’s a favor and you don’t deserve to have to walk everywhere because some prick slashed your tires.”

“Agree to disagree. You gonna eat it or not?” Eddie waived off his explanation, he’d been hearing it every single time he brought him lunch, and raised an eyebrow in askance. 

“What is it?” Steve asked him, trying to take a peak of the brown paper bag where Eddie was hiding it behind his back. 

“Uncle Wayne’s famous chili, he made some for us last night.”

“Ooo, pass it over.” Eddie handed him the Tupperware container of chili as well as a spoon. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to stick around and talk to Steve while he ate. He still had to replace an alternator in a Chevy today so he had to get back to the garage. 

“Alright man, I’m heading out. I’ll come back around 6:30 and we can hang until your shift ends. How’s the chili?”

Steve literally moaned as he ate a spoonful of the hearty soup which shocked Eddie enough for him to trip on air and fall over. He face-planted on the ground and just laid there for a second. What. The. Fuck. Thankfully, Steve was too busy being enamored with his bowl of chili to pay Eddie any attention. 

“Mmmm, dude this is delicious! Now I owe you one because this is the best chili I have ever tasted. How about I close early tonight and you take me on a date at seven?” Steve said, looking Eddie directly in the eye as he spooned another spoonful of chili into his mouth. 

Oh my god, it's everything Eddie had ever wanted in life. Has he died and gone to heaven? “Abso-fucking-lutely! Stevie, big boy, I would fucking love to go on a date with you! I’ll be here!”

“I would hope so, you’re my ride!” Steve laughed. “Now go, you’re going to be late. I’ll see you tonight.”

All Eddie could do was beam at him and nod his head rapidly up and down. “Okay!”

As he raced back to the garage to finish his shift, he only had one thought. He owed Wayne so much for making that chili. Because that chili finally allowed him to seduce Steve Harrington.

Permanent tag list:@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @straight4joekeery @trippypancakes @conversesweetheart @estrellami-1 @suddenlyinlove @yikes-a-bee @swimmingbirdrunningrock @maya-custodios-dionach

[miru667]

How do you manage to stay in a fandom for so long? I'm always mario jumping from fandom to fandom every 3-6 months

Oh, so many reasons. I think I've answered this before but in a much more concise way so idk what happened here when I tried to answer again from scratch but uhhh I wrote a lot lol?? Long ramble time. 😂

I found this fandom at a point in my life when I really emotionally needed it, so I got really attached to it. I stayed because of the friends I've made in it and because of the OCs I got invested in, both mine and other people's, and every so often something invigorated my interest like a new roleplay I got to join or new concept art that got discovered.

I'm also just a really dedicated person (for better or worse) and I still have ideas that I want to get out there creatively. I don't get a lot of free time, and I rarely have energy for hobbies after work so my time passes slowly in the sense that I may still be in the middle of appreciating a thing, meanwhile everyone else has already sped through and processed it and moved on.

So I've gotta be really careful about choosing what to spend my limited time and energy on. It sometimes takes me a whole month to draw a piece of art that I'm proud of. It would be a huge waste of my time to spend so much energy on a fandom that after 3 months I think I might not care about anymore.

And like, if it's going to take me a month to draw 1 thing, what am I going to choose? Fanart of a character from a show that I just finished that I might possibly move on from in 3 months? Or art of my darling Audrey OC that I've been developing for years and whom I know will always bring me joy for the rest of my life? It's not a hard choice! Like I'm sure it's obvious by now but I really love my oc. It's gotten to the point that I look for her in every media I consume. I like characters because they remind me of her, and I like plots because they remind me of her. When I watch a movie and end up loving it, I'm not going to be drawing fanart for that movie, I'm more likely going to be drawing Audrey Grace in some way that's consciously or subconsciously inspired by that movie. I'm sure other people with beloved ocs can relate to that, too.

Back to media consumption: I'm constantly watching new things, shows, movies, letsplays, and I'm able to love them just fine, but I never participate in their fandoms (unless you count reblogging fanart as participation. I personally don't). I just don't feel motivated to and I feel like it's unnecessary. I shouldn't need to prove anything. You can appreciate media without engaging in fandom. In fact, I encourage it, because a lot of what I see in fandoms these days is just stressful, at least to me. And I don't want that stress. I'm much happier as a person when I don't have to read other people's opinions, discourse and drama over some show's themes or ships or whatever. I can just quietly revel in my own enjoyment of the show without being tainted by anything else, and my love for it is not any less valid than the person who's livetweeting their loud emotions while watching the same show and putting out fanart 1 hour after every episode. Bless them, though.

And I guess that's mostly what I do these days with the Onceler fandom, too. Appreciating it more quietly these days, I mean. It's just that...I have a fandom related oc so I draw her. And I have friends here so we do stuff together and we reference fandom inside jokes no matter what activity we're doing. If I encounter art that deeply moves me personally, I reblog it, just like I reblog art for other media on my sideblog. When anyone has a fandom history related question, I'm eager to answer because I don't want the past to be misrepresented or misunderstood. And also, since it's been over a decade, this fandom has long ago become my daily normal. I can do whatever I like but I can't really "leave" this fandom unless I delete all my social media and cut off all my online friends. And delete my memories of the past 12 years of my life as well. Just become a completely different person.

So I guess I can reverse the sentiment: I can't relate to people who hop fandoms every 3 to 6 months. 😭 All the power to you, but that's just not the way I happen to live my life, nor the way I engage with the media I consume! The Once-ler fandom was the one exception. It was special.

But who knows, anything can happen in the future. I'm not so proud that I'm purposely blocking myself from looking at other fandoms or anything. I just go with the flow! Right now I'm slowly making my way through jjba, an omori playthrough, a Plague Tale playthrough, and urusei yatsura season 2 (the new anime). Probably nothing will come out of any it except for a bunch of Audrey inspos, but again, who knows. XD I'm also going to an idkhow concert soon, and I've bought merch from their store already. Does that count as participating in a fandom? Maybe not. But now that I think of it, even if I "join" another fandom, it doesn't necessarily mean I'd leave the onceler fandom either, so maybe it wouldn't matter haha.

Thank you for the ask and thank you to anyone who's read my entire answer!

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Soriku propaganda because i have brainrot <3

Fellas, is it gay to give your bestie your family heirloom when they get scared of a meteor shower as kids and hold up a wooden sword and swear you’ll always protect them? Is it gay to be overcome with feelings of jealousy when said best friend starts hanging out with a girl? Is it gay to joke about sharing a magical fruit with him that means your destinies will be intertwined? Is it gay to open the door to darkness when he draws a picture of himself sharing THAT SAME fruit with the girl you’re jealous of? Is it gay to realize that you fucked up and sacrifice yourself to save your best friend and the girl he likes because you know it’s more important that he’s happy? Is it gay to spend an entire YEAR watching over your comatose best friend while his memories get repaired, and say multiple times “everything is for Sora”? Is it gay to see someone who, for some reason, appears to look like your best friend (xion) and stroke their face? Is it gay to give up your form and take the body of the person who manipulated you into falling to darkness in the first place to help your best friend wake up? Is it gay to avoid him even when he looks for you, saying “there were some things [riku] couldn’t tell sora. it had always been that way” in a VERY closeted-gay manner? Is it gay to have your best friend fall to his knees when he FINALLY finds you and cries “i looked for you! i looked everywhere for you!” after he just shared a very awkward hug with the girl he supposedly likes? Is it gay to throw yourself in the way of a devastating blow, earning yourself a scar and probably chronic pain in the process? Is it gay to sit with your best friend in LITERAL HELL and say you’d be fine there as long as you’re together? Is it gay to UNCONSCIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE SPECIES to protect your best friend in his dreams? Is it gay to have a conversation with Hunchback of Notre Dame characters about “having to keep things from the outside world, at least until you have time to figure them out” (THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR BEING IN THE CLOSET)? Is it gay to have your combined hearts’ song be called “dearly beloved”? Is it gay to think of your best friend as your light? Is it gay to parallel LITERALLY EVERY DISNEY COUPLE UNDER THE SUN? Is it gay to refer to your best friend as your “taisetsu na hito” (roughly translates to “precious/ cherished person” or “person I love most”) and say that your “doubts and fears are gone” and your adoptive father (michael mouse. dont ask) tells you “perhaps it’s because you’ve finally found that special strength to protect the things that matter (the JP line is taisetsu na hito; the english translators made it very no-homo)”? Is it gay to sacrifice yourself again for your best friend? Is it gay to call out your best friend’s name when you’re about to collapse and see him FALLING FROM THE SKY and stare at him with the BIGGEST HEART-EYES EVER? Is it gay to have your souls form a giant rainbow-colored sword with a giant heart at the top? Is it gay to care so much for your best friend that you let him go save the girl (who’s dead now oops) that you still think he likes because you’re too oblivious to realize that HE LOVES YOU BACK IDIOT? (tbf tho neither of them realize it; sora’s goin thru some major comphet)

Is it gay to have SO MUCH gay subtext that someone can make a 6-hour video essay about why you’re homosexual?

just woke up so i don't have the brain power to process all that but i appreciate the effort nonetheless <3

[daytaker]

4. Manifesto

(Existing Sucks So) Let's All Be Shadows.

A Satan-centric Nightbringer Timeline Fic (Read on AO3)* *This combines a shortened Chapter 5 (Invitations) & Chapter 6 (Manifesto) from AO3.

Chapter Starring: MC, Satan Chapter Word Count: ~3.3k Chapter Warnings: Satan's Twisted Worldview, flagrant abuse of Latin, "lol" spoken out loud

“I think I’m the part of Lucifer the light from the Celestial Realm never touched. Something ugly deep inside him that he kept hidden until he couldn’t contain it anymore.”

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Latest Chapter

1 2 3 4 5

“Would you care to join me for tea later?”

I was sitting at the dining table with Brothers 2 - 5, enjoying a relatively quiet lunch. I’d finally managed to cool down a bitter dispute between Mammon and Levi over the financial benefits of investing in gold versus collectibles, and I’d spent most of the meal nervously watching the pair cast searing glances at each other when they thought I wasn’t paying attention. So when Satan suddenly turned to me and extended the invitation, I had to take a few seconds to process the question.

Asmodeus didn’t need any such buffering period. He leaned in my direction, eyes fixed on Satan. “Ahhhh! I just got goosebumps!” he whimpered, rubbing his arms dramatically. Looking at me, his expression became heartbreakingly sympathetic. “Did you see his smile? So scary!”

“Shut up,” Satan suggested, flashing a dangerous glare in his brother’s direction before directing a more polite expression towards me.

I wouldn’t say it, but my impression wasn’t far removed from Asmo’s. I’d never been fully comfortable in the crosshairs of Satan’s smile even before the time travel incident–especially when it looked like how a cat might smile at a mouse. 

Still, he was one of the brothers, and I felt guilty for ditching him at the library the other day, so I smiled at him and nodded. “Sure thing!”

“Great! You can come to my room in an hour or so.” And as if to say ‘well, that’s that,’ Satan started gathering his dishes to take to the kitchen.

Mammon scowled and pointed a drumstick in Satan’s direction. “Oi, why your room? It ain’t respectable, you know? Have your damn tea in the library or something.”

“As if you’ve never spent time together in your room?” Satan snapped. “Don’t make me laugh. Besides, if we go anywhere else, you’ll all conveniently turn up and interrupt us.”

“Have a point, he does,” said Levi, speaking in a caricatured voice. “Interrupt, we would.”

“Why’re ya talkin’ like that? And whose side are you on, anyway?!”

While Mammon barked complaints, Asmodeus sighed sadly next to me, hugging my arm. “Wouldn’t you be happier with more of us there?”

“No,” said Satan.

“I wasn’t asking you,” Asmo replied curtly before turning glistening eyes to me again. “Wouldn’t you? Maybe not those clowns,” he nodded toward Mammon and Levi, “but I’m worried you’ll spend the whole time missing me. It breaks my heart to even imagine it…”

I grinned awkwardly and shook my head. “I think I’ll be alright. It looks like Satan would rather it just be the two of us, anyway.”

“Thank goodness you at least can pick up on subtext. Then that’s settled.” Satan cast a stern glance around the table as if daring one of his brothers to put up another argument. When no one did, he walked off to the kitchen with his dishes.

“There’s a difference between missing subtext and ignoring it because it pisses you off,” grumbled Mammon, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. “I hate that guy sometimes.”

“Let’s set up a group chat!” gasped Asmo, pulling out his D.D.D. “It’ll be us four! That way, you can sound the alarm if anything goes wrong!”

“A separate group chat, we need not.” Levi pointed out. “Redundant, it would be. The House of Lamentation chat, we already possess.”

“Seriously, why are ya talkin’ like that?”

“Ugh, you’re all no fun,” Asmo pouted. Then he looked at me and grabbed my hands with an air of total seriousness. “So when you’re in his room, try and stay close to the door. That way you’ll have a clean escape route.”

“Lol,” Levi giggled. “Asmo as a grand strategist. Hindered by the fog of war since nobody knows what Satan's room looks like. -3 to all mental stats.”

“A’ight, knock it off, you’re gonna freak ’em out,” Mammon groaned. Then he looked at me, lifting one palm into the air. “These guys are overreactin’. Satan likes ya. He ain't gonna do nothin’.”

Asmodeus sighed. “I'm not so sure about that Mammon. When Satan gets mad, I don't think it really matters how much he likes or dislikes someone. All that matters is how close they are.”

Not even Mammon could contradict this point.

------

Eventually, I managed to extricate myself from the dining room. By that point, it was time to head to Satan’s room. I’ll admit that I was a little bit nervous as I approached the door and knocked.

I mean, I’d blown him off so recently. He wasn’t in a rage or anything, sure, but was he feeling bitter? He certainly seemed bitter the other night. I didn’t really want to be alone with him if he was seriously irritated with me.

It was too late to go back, though. The door opened, and Satan stood at the threshold, smiling like a perfect gentleman.

“There you are. Thanks for coming.”

As I looked past Satan into his room, I had to choke back an actual gasp.

Where… were all the books…?

There was a small table with a tea tray set up in the middle of the room and the bed was in its usual place, but otherwise, the room appeared to be mostly barren.

“What’s wrong?” Satan asked, frowning testily. “You look like I left something weird lying out.”

As if confirming that he hadn't actually done that, he stole a quick glance behind him before looking back at me and gesturing more forcefully to the table and chairs, inviting me inside with considerably less decorum than he'd shown earlier.

“Oh. Nothing,” I lied awkwardly, stepping through the door and taking a more thorough look around. Now that I was inside, I saw that there were at least thirty books stored on shelves, most of them from his earlier trip to the library, but compared to the hundreds of precariously stacked volumes I was used to, it felt barren, even a little bit sad.

“Sit down,” he said. It wasn’t exactly spoken as an order, but it wasn’t especially courteous either. My nervousness grew, and I did as I was told.

Satan poured us some tea, and I mutely took the cup and saucer. I took a sip of tea and let my eyes wander around the room. That sense that it wasn’t finished yet kept nagging at me. After all, what was his room without books? Just four walls and a bed, really. And, today, two chairs and a small table. And– Huh. That was weird. Something on one of the shelves was glowing. It was some sort of document… A scroll, maybe? The faint effervescent glow was noticeable, but not distracting.

Satan followed my gaze to the scroll and clicked his tongue irritably. “Oh. Lucifer gave me that. I haven’t looked at it yet.” He closed his eyes and shrugged with almost vehement disinterest. “I’m not sure if I ever will.”

“Do you know what it is?”

“Something like a birth certificate, I guess.”

I almost said I was surprised that demons had those, but it would be strange for a demon to either be unaware of that fact, or to be naive enough to mistake an obvious joke for the truth.

“Could I look at it?”

He opened one eye and squinted at me through it. It felt like he was trying to discern my motives. Whatever he thought, he eventually nodded, and his eye closed again.

I put down my saucer and walked over to the shelf, standing on my tiptoes to grasp at the paper curled up in the corner. Snagging it by its edge, I pulled it down and, untied the gold ribbon that held it together, and started to unroll it.

ANNO MMCDXCI REGNI GARDONI MAGNI A SANGUINE LUCIFERI ET CORPORE LILITHAE

I quickly rolled it up again.

“Mm? Is it that terrifying?” Satan was sitting twisted in his chair and looking over his shoulder to see me. He wore a small smirk.

“No,” I said quickly.

“Are you sure?” He looked genuinely amused. “You look a little shaken up.”

“Oh,” I said flatly. My hands were trembling just a little bit. I wasn’t quite sure why. “It’s just… I don’t feel right being the first to look at it.”

“You don't 'feel right'? If you think it’ll hold any sentimental value for me, you’re wrong,” said Satan dryly, turning back around in his seat.

I replaced the scroll on the shelf and made my way back to my seat. Satan stared at me. I knew he wanted to know what I’d seen. I also knew he wasn’t going to ask directly. He wasn’t about to show interest in the document after dismissing it so completely out of hand.

“...I saw Lucifer’s name on it,” I said. “And some year… It- It was in a language I don’t know.”

I could tell it was in Latin, but I wasn’t sure how well your average demon would be acquainted with human languages. It was a little strange that it was written in a human language at all, really.

“Well, obviously Lucifer is on it.” Satan stared into his mostly-empty teacup as he dangled it by its handle from his thumb and forefinger.

“It also mentioned Lilith…”

Satan’s eyes darted up to meet mine. A flicker of emotion; that was it. “Lilith, huh? That’s interesting.” He looked into the teacup again, slouching somewhat in his seat. “What do you know about Lilith?”

“I know she was your sister,” I started, and Satan swiftly shook his head.

“Theirs,” he corrected. “Not mine.”

“I know she was their sister,” I started again. “I know that she fell in love with a human. And I know that’s what led to the Great Celestial War.”

“Do you know what happened to her?” he asked nonchalantly.

I hesitated for just a moment. “...She died.”

Satan nodded. Then he sighed and glanced up at me. “You don’t need to be so careful about how you talk about her around me. I never even knew her.”

“Still, her dying, and the war, and everything that’s happened since then…” I struggled to find the right words. “It seems like it’s been hard on all of you.”

“I have it the easiest,” he said with a condescending shrug.

“How?” That statement baffled me. Sure, his situation was different from his brothers’, but never once had it crossed my mind that he might have it easier. 

“I don’t have any annoying attachment to that other place,” he explained with a broad gesture towards the ceiling.

“The Celestial Realm?”

“What other place is there?” he snapped. I might have mentioned the human world, but there was no sense in nitpicking at the moment.

“You don’t feel any connection to it at all?” I asked, growing a bit curious. I knew the general circumstances of how Satan came to be and the implications of that, but my actual understanding of the whole thing was muddled at best. “Even though you’re…?”

“Even though what?” Satan’s expression was… Well, the most accurate word I can think of is bright, though that doesn’t really give the right impression. He was smiling broadly, and his eyes were glimmering with an unsettling intensity. But he didn’t look happy, and his expression was as pale and cold as ice. He knew what I was thinking.

“Even though you’re… I mean, even though you came from…” The smile didn’t falter, but he raised his eyebrows, prompting me to continue. “…from…Lucifer.”

I assumed it wouldn’t send him into a rage, since he had clearly anticipated what I said, and I was right. But I still didn’t expect the gentle laugh that followed. It was perfectly polite, like the kind of obligatory laugh you’d expect at a fancy party. I could hear Asmo whispering in my mind. I just got goosebumps!

“Even though I came from Lucifer. Haha. What a weird way to put it.” His expression finally softened a little, and I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “I’ve actually wondered about this before, and I’ve come up with a theory.” He straightened up and took the last sip of tea in his cup just then. Probably trying to up the drama of the moment.

He set the teacup down in its saucer and fixed his gaze on me again. I wished he’d stop doing that.

“I think I’m the part of Lucifer the light from the Celestial Realm never touched. Something ugly deep inside him that he kept hidden until he couldn’t contain it anymore.”

I looked at him, and he looked at me. I didn’t believe him. Not really. I knew that some of Lucifer’s old feelings and memories lingered in Satan. But I couldn’t imagine he felt good about that. And there wasn’t any reason that I should know that in this place.

“I don’t understand,” I finally said.

He smiled and nodded kindly. “Of course you don’t. No one does. Not even I understand it.” He leaned back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling. His mind wasn’t there, though. It was up, up, up, way up in that place he’d never been, but which was so inextricably linked to who he was and why he existed.

“The rest of them… The ones who call themselves my brothers. They all wish they were back there. Even Lucifer. They all regret it.”

He looked at me sharply for a few seconds as if challenging me to argue.

I took a more conservative approach. “…Why do you think that?”

“Because they failed.” He shrugged. “They lost everything. They didn’t even save their sister. It would have been better for everyone if they’d done nothing at all.”

I couldn’t agree with that for a whole host of reasons. But topmost on my mind…

“But if they did nothing, you wouldn’t exist.”

Satan grinned, and I got the distinct impression that he’d been hoping I’d notice that issue. Like I had made his point perfectly and saved him a lot of tedious explaining. But that grin of his… It was an awful thing to look at. It didn’t look like it so much as it felt like looking at the grin of a corpse. So I stared down at my hands. I had no interest in picking up the teacup again. I felt sick.

“Think about it from my perspective,” Satan said, sidestepping my comment. “The only reason I’m here is as a legacy of failure. I pick fights with them a lot. But isn’t that just natural? It’s why I exist. I exist to remind them that they failed.” I heard him shift slightly in his seat. “...I exist to remind him that he failed.”

Things were quiet for a few merciful seconds.

“You look so sad.”

I braced myself, then hesitantly met Satan’s gaze. He wasn’t grinning anymore, thank goodness. But that eerie brightness hadn’t left his face. He seemed to be enjoying this entire conversation far too much.

I tried to answer him. I tried to tell him that I was sad. I didn’t want to think he hated himself that much. Hated existing that much. Or was all that just a cruel joke of his? He didn’t seem to be taking it seriously. But he wasn’t really treating it as an actual joke either. More like… gallows humor? Like he had to find it funny, or else it would smother him. And it was painful to watch it. In another world, I really loved the guy. But here…

I didn’t know this person.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said you looked sad.”

Satan leaned forward in his seat, examining my expression. The brightness was dimmer, and I got the feeling that I wasn’t reacting the way he’d hoped anymore. I was probably being too quiet.

“...Why did you want me to have tea with you?” I asked him. My voice felt dry and separate from me. I didn’t recognize it. “Are you punishing me for leaving you at the library?”

Satan looked taken aback.

“Punishing you?” His surprised expression suddenly turned angry, and he scowled. “Why the hell would I waste my time punishing you? Is having tea with me really so awful that it feels like a punishment?”

“No,” I said, my voice a little firmer. “But this conversation is.”

Satan stared at me, then looked at the table with the teapot and other accoutrement set atop it. 

“I was just curious how you would react, that’s all.”

Curious how I would react? Curious how I would react to what, exactly?

“I wanted to tell you, specifically. I thought your reaction might be interesting to watch. I didn’t expect you to look so heartbroken over it, though.”

“Over what?”

“Over the fact that I’m not a real person and I shouldn’t exist. That I’m punishment for my brothers. Did you know that my name means ‘the adversary’ in a human language?” He tilted his head a bit. “Or maybe I misinterpreted your expression. That’s just what it looked like to me.”

I stared blankly at him. “...I’m sorry, what?”

Satan seemed to appreciate that reply. His lips quirked into a hint of a smile again. “That’s what I was telling you. Lucifer shouldn’t have started any idiotic rebellion. None of them should have become demons. I shouldn’t exist. And the evidence–”

“Satan–”

“The evidence,” he continued, drowning out my interruption, “is my incompleteness.”

All I could do was stare at him. I didn’t know what to think anymore. I was tired of trying to understand what he meant. Still, the obvious question spilled out, as if I was reading a script he’d handed me before I walked into the room.

“What do you mean, your ‘incompleteness’?”

Satan leaned back in his seat as if to say ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ “All I am,” he explained slowly, “is the wrath that leaked out when Lucifer tore off his angel wings.” The ghost of a smile stayed on his face, but unlike before, he looked and sounded deathly serious. “Lucifer rebelled, and he failed. Lucifer hates to lose. He hates to lose so much that all the ugly energy that poured out of him turned into something like a person. But you can’t make a real person out of ingredients like that.” The ghost of a smile grew slightly, but it was bitter and resentful. “You can only make a shadow.”

------

I walked out of the House of Lamentation without saying a word to anyone. I could hear my D.D.D. pinging me, probably Asmo and the others asking how things went. I ignored it all the way to Cocytus Hall.

“I’m home,” I said tiredly as I stepped into the unit I shared with Solomon. 

The sorcerer peeked out of his room with a cheerful smile. “Hello! Did you have a good…” His smile vanished, and he stepped out of his room. “What happened…?”

I knew I looked awful. I didn’t have to see a mirror to understand that. I felt awful. So when Solomon approached me and put a hand on my shoulder, looking carefully at my face, I didn’t protest. I didn’t have the energy.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.

Solomon continued to stare keenly at me, his expression almost stern. Then his face loosened up and his usual smile returned.

“That's okay. You can cry if it helps,” he said gently, clasping my hands. I pulled one of them free and touched my cheek. 

Dammit. I really was crying.

[cherishedproperty]

Denial Diary - Part 1

At the beginning of January, Monsieur and I put new rules into place to increase my sexual arousal and his sexual control and ownership over me. So far this month I have had four orgasms (one during masturbation) with 20 days as my longest stretch of denial. I have touched myself nearly every day. I haven't experienced issues with depression or drop in sex drive like I've struggled with in the past.

But I have noticed some other interesting changes in both our dynamic and my own sexual desires. That's why I decided to keep a diary of my observations and feelings. What follows is a summary of our rule changes and entries I've written over the last month.

How the Rules Changed in January

The rules suspended limitations on how long Monsieur could go without giving me a full (unruined) orgasm and how long he could go without vaginal sex.

The rules created a requirement that I have to ask permission to orgasm during masturbation, which I did not have to do previously. While I am allowed three orgasms without permission (a "release valve" if it got to be too much), I have not used any.

I must spend at least 15 minutes each day sexually touching myself, with edging as the default.

All solo orgasms require some kind of anal stimulation (dildo, plug, etc.).

Every day Monsieur works, I must spend at least two hours plugged.

3 days since last orgasm (last orgasm: Dec 31) I'm finding it hard to sleep, and it's very hard not to orgasm during sex. But I'm feeling extra sweet and submissive, wanting to do extra things for him. We are extra loving, like the newlywed stereotype. We snuggle and kiss more. When I know I'm not going to cum, I feel more pleasure from his orgasm. I watch his face and body and just soak in everything about it.

5 days since last orgasm I look forward to my touch time now. It's almost meditative. It's really hard to stop though. Today he was home during my touch time, and I was a bit annoyed that he wanted to do sex things. I think it's because of the shift in headspace—from low-processing, quiet-brain edging to high-processing, active sexual service. I wanted him to come use me, but then I struggled with the shift.

6 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 6) He made me cum tonight while he fucked my ass. I thought I’d be emotional or sad or something, just from the overwhelming sensations and the loss of denial. But I wasn’t. It just felt like it was his choice to make. Not mine. Sometimes I cum. Sometimes I don’t. No need for me to feel one way or another about it.

1 day since last orgasm I'm surprised to see how horny I still am. I woke up eager for sex. He denied me multiple times this morning. When I got close, he would pull out and run his hands lightly over my body, waiting for me to settle. It brings such calm to me when he does that. It’s like I can feel him soaking in the energy of my denial. When he re-enters me, I feel soft and open and accepting. In some ways, it’s easier not to cum after he’s done that because my mind is more submissive. But then it doesn't take much before I am impossibly close again.

I am trying to get better about taking it and not cumming no matter what, so he can fuck me as hard as he wants without worrying about denying me. But I don’t know if that’s desirable? Maybe he wants me to still be unable to keep from tipping over unless he stops me. Not sure.

I've also started craving more pain. Today while I was edging my ass, he put Bengay on my clit and pussy lips. It burned. So much pain at first. But then I was humping the air, not sure how to handle so much stimulation. It felt better when he rubbed and then went back to pain when he stopped.

2 days since last orgasm Now when he's fucking me, he's started just repeating, "You do not cum. I cum, you do not cum." And then I don't. I'm not sure I want to anymore. I feel more special in some way, being his denied girl.

After he came in my pussy this morning, I cleaned his cock. The more I'm denied, the more I want to worship his cock. I want to hold it and kiss it and keep it in my mouth. Even when I kneel in the morning and before bed, I want to kiss it and feel his cock and balls against my face. It just feels right.

4 days since last orgasm He woke me up this morning with denial. There’s this strange duality now where I am so desperate to orgasm but also accept that I won’t. I feel more docile and obedient when he denies me. But sometimes during my touch time, I am so, so tempted to let myself go over the edge.

I’m also more turned on now when he touches my asshole. I had one day where I didn’t wear a plug for digestive reasons, and I missed it. And that night when his fingers grazed over my asshole, my arousal skyrocketed. I wanted him to fuck me there so badly. Yesterday I hoped he would unplug me and use my ass. This morning he grazed his fingers over my hole and told me how he couldn’t wait to fuck me there. And I really, really can’t wait either. Part of me hopes he’ll let me cum while he uses my ass. But part of me hopes he doesn’t.

I fantasize now that when he does let me cum, he ruins me. Badly.

6 days since last orgasm I am so easily distracted at work. I just want to keep edging. Or if I can’t edge, I want to fill my ass and clamp my nipples. When I know he’s coming home from work, all I can think about are his hands on me. I will need to get it under control so my work doesn’t suffer. But it’s so hard…

He lets me edge with his cock sometimes. I ride him until I get so, so close and have to lift myself off him. It’s like my body is fighting itself. The stronger part of me is resolute in pulling off his cock so I don’t cum. But there are ripples. Waves. A restrained part of me is still humping the air, looking for what was taken away.

7 days since last orgasm Edging is making me a pain slut. I tortured my nipples all day today, alternating between suction and clamps. And I wanted so, so much more. I keep thinking about him bruising me. Clamping my tits. Using Bengay or worse things to make me suffer. Hitting all the places I hate—my thighs, my pussy, my tits. I want to be really, really beaten.

He asked if I thought my body was just searching for some kind of release. I’m not sure. I think part of it is that I feel his ownership more strongly. Part is that the constant arousal makes it easier to take pain. Part is probably the amount of porn I’ve been consuming. All I know is I want it.

Now before we go to bed, he spends some time just pinching and rubbing my nipples. They are so sensitive now, but I want more.

8 days since last orgasm It’s getting easier not to cum during sex. He tells me I don’t cum, and then I don’t. I sort of dissociate from the stimulation a bit. That layer of mental separation feels like the only thing keeping me from orgasm.

During masturbation, it’s still really hard. I think because I control the stimulation, so I have to think about how good it feels and whether I need to stop myself. So I’m always very aware of the orgasm I could have in a matter of seconds if I just kept going…and then I stop. With sex, it’s easier just to accept that I won’t cum and then let my mind remain unfocused.

I’m a little worried that I won’t be able to cum when he decides to let me—at least during sex. If I keep my mind unfocused like this, I don’t let myself get too close. What if I build a mental block and then I can’t anymore?

Anytime I'm near him, I am thinking about his cock. This morning I woke up to him pushing his cock into my ass. He fucked me until he came, and then he plugged me. I will take his sexual touching any way I can get it now, but I crave anal so much. I find it hard to understand all those times when I found it intrusive or uncomfortable. It feels so natural now.

9 days since last orgasm Today after some hard edges and a brief impact session, I felt some sadness creeping in. Like a bit of the apathy that depression brings sometimes. It took me a while to come down from the edging. I couldn’t stop touching myself, running my fingers through his cum dripping out of me. But then when I did—when I finally came down, I just felt kind of…sad. The sadness hung around for part of the day. Maybe it was the combination of the impact and denial that made me drop a little. Maybe it’s starting to get to me. I’m not sure.

If he asked me, I still wouldn’t want him to let me cum. But I don’t choose.

I do wonder if he’s going to get bored of my constant neediness. His horniness tends to dissipate once he cums. And he cums every day now, sometimes multiple times. Right now it’s a novelty to fuck me so much. But what if he gets less horny overall because he’s so satisfied, and then he doesn’t really want to fuck or edge me? His attention to and appreciation of my denial is so important to me feeling connected and loved. What if he gets tired of it?

10 days since last orgasm This may be the longest I’ve ever gone without an orgasm, outside of illness or pregnancy or postpartum. It is almost definitely the longest I have been denied when I actually wanted an orgasm.

I felt that pleasant glowing buzz from edging this morning. It makes me feel like yesterday was just a version of drop.

I am obsessed with his balls now. I’ve never really felt one way or another about them before. But now I want to hold them and lick them and feel them against my face all the time. I want to curl up between his legs and cuddle with his cock and balls covering my face and nose. I want to give them little kisses every morning when I kneel and just inhale the scent of him. I want to hold his balls in my mouth and run my tongue over them, just keeping them warm. It’s a very primal urge.

I’m also obsessed with his cum. Last night he came on my chest, and I wanted to massage it into my breasts and play with my cum-covered nipples. So many sensations that I've never appreciated before.

13 days since last orgasm I am feeling more little now. Soft and needy and willing to follow anything he says. When he was fucking me earlier, I felt so wide-eyed and innocent. Docile and compliant. He tells me I don't need orgasms anymore, and I believe him. I would do anything to be his good girl. And when he edges me, I want to curl into him, resting my head against him. I feel fully open to my neediness now. He tells me it's freeing me to be my true self, and there's no need to be ashamed or hide that. And all of that makes me feel little. Fully trusting my Daddy to know what's best for me, and being completely unselfconscious in doing whatever feels good.

I’ve also been listening to more mind control conditioning audios, usually while I edge. Sometimes I listen while I run. They feel comforting, allowing me to maintain that buzz of arousal and reinforcing how good it is to be needy and obedient. Good girls exist for the pleasure of others. Good girls can't stop touching. Good girls like to play and obey. Just a mindless, dripping slut. When I listen, I can picture his face—the way he absorbs my need and denial, how he looks at me like I am so beautiful. I want to please him. The files I like best have girls repeating these mantras, and you can hear their needy moans in the background. I am one of those girls. I can feel it in the way my body reacts to listening.

17 days since last orgasm I think about his cock all the time. All the time. When I’m working, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re watching a movie, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re talking about politics, I’m thinking about his cock. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’m thinking about the soft skin against my face and lips. I’m thinking about how he feels in my ass. I’m thinking about the way he moans when he cums. I’m obsessed. Even right after he fucks me, I want my hand on his cock. Just to feel close to it. I’m sad now if I don’t get to make him cum.

It’s hard to want to do anything but edge and fuck. I don’t even want to work out because I’d rather be edging. When I do work out, I wear a flexible plug for a little extra stimulation. It’s getting distracting at work, too.

20 days since last orgasm Today I really, really wanted to cum. I had new toys and the time for a long edging session, and I almost asked to cum. It really surprised me since I’ve been really immersed in denial. But the need was just different today.

21 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 26) He made me cum twice today during anal. It’s his choice if I cum, not mine. And he wanted me to, so I did. The relief of not having to hold back was so strong that I just went limp there for a bit. Then at bedtime, he touched me again, and I was surprised to still find myself so needy. It was a relief. I do wonder if anal doesn't quite "scratch the itch", even if I do orgasm. I seem to remember it felt that way during the anal-only period at the beginning of our relationship.

Another orgasm day (Jan 27) He allowed me an orgasm during masturbation today. After nearly a month without making myself cum, it was honestly amazing. I could feel the rush of chemicals flooding my brain. I couldn’t feel my face for a bit and almost passed out with the dildo still in my ass.

It surprised me that I asked for an orgasm, especially after having two during sex yesterday. But I think it's two things: 1) orgasms during masturbation are just a different kind of need, and 2) I am close to starting my period. I am usually hornier at this point of my cycle, so I'm sure that makes denial much harder.

After my solo orgasm, I noticed I wasn’t thinking about his cock constantly. I wasn’t daydreaming about the feel of it inside me, about the privilege of just being allowed to hold it. Last night when he began touching me, I wasn’t immediately wet and on the edge anymore. I wanted sex, but I wasn’t desperate for it. And while the sex felt great, it wasn’t quite so hard to hold off.

Realizing this, my immediate thought was that I shouldn’t make myself cum anymore. But Monsieur reminded me that I do need it every once in a while. And he reminded me that he wants me to cum. He likes making me cum. He just wants me to really appreciate the gift of it. And I really, really do now.

At the same time, I am eager to get back to the needy, denied girl I was before this. I’m eager to feel that constant desire for him—that docile, submissive glow, looking at him with complete adoration. I know I will cum again, both with him and on my own. But I don't want to ask for it until I feel like I truly need it. Because I’d rather feel his ownership than my orgasm. It’s that simple.

2 days since last orgasm After a lot of edging yesterday, I feel like I’m right back to being needy. It feels good. I’m very eager to please him, even if it means doing the things that I really don’t like. This morning he had me fuck myself on his toe. He knows I hate feet. But it wasn't about my pleasure; it was about his. It didn't feel good (or bad), but it didn't matter because that's not what it was for.

And then when he came, I watched the explosion of pleasure on his face, the way he gasped and the way his fingernails dug into my thighs as he pulled me to him... And I felt content.

[hello-eeveev]

How to Rest: Director's Commentary—Chapter 4

| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |

I always knew this chapter was going to be the problem child. It was the least clear snapshot next to Chapter 6. But unlike Chapter 6, Chapter 4 is the emotional nadir rather than the high, and I did not have a great idea of what form that low point would take for a very long time. So writing this was very much a process of discovery that sometimes felt like pulling teeth, but I still feel like I got a good chapter out of it, and there are some moments and choices I’m excited to discuss.

So let’s get into it! 

(spoiler warning for the entirety of How to Rest)

We start off with a bit of scene setting—Caleb is trying to read a book but is distracted by the ever-present countdown to Essek’s departure—before properly establishing how we got to this point.

It’s a bit of a departure from the format of the rest of the fic because of the cut to a past event rather than it being one continuous scene, but I felt this was justified because 1) it’s also just Caleb remembering what happened this morning, 2) Essek and Caleb do not separate in between these scenes; Essek is there all day, and 3) it aids the narrative. And 4) I like it :)

I have a whole 1644 words laying out what Caleb and Essek are individually doing during their six weeks apart (Caleb’s is week-by-week; Essek’s is a more general summary of his emotional state over the month), which is far too much to include here and largely irrelevant to the story, BUT I can offer you a glimpse into Essek’s perspective as he shows up to Caleb’s house in the middle of the night.

First off! He is somewhere in the Menagerie Coast when he gets the message from Astrid that it is likely safe to return to Rexxentrum. He is also in the middle of his trance, because you’re lying to me if you think Astrid has a normal sleep schedule.

(I don’t think I’ve explained my thoughts on Essek’s relationship to Astrid and directly tied it to How to Rest, but this post was made from my planning for this fic and this chapter specifically, and sums it up well.)

So Essek’s trance-addled, anxiety-ridden brain gets a rush of relief and adrenaline, so he’s not thinking clearly at all, and he gets as far as “Rexxentrum = east = later” before he has his go-bag in his hand and he’s teleporting away. It only occurs to him that “an hour later than the middle of the night” is still very very early in the morning once he’s at Caleb’s door and knocking on it (probably harder than he intends to because again, he just woke up and is tightly wound coil of paranoia and stress regardless). But that’s all right because Caleb is there despite the hour, and is pulling him inside and holding him so tightly that Essek both feels like he is at risk of exploding and being put back together at the same time. 

Six weeks of hell is worth it if it means he gets to keep this.

Essek spends a looong time in the bath to make up for all the quick, cold ones he had to take in the road. Warmth seeps into his muscles, his bones, his heart. He closes his eyes and accidentally trances for fifteen minutes or so, and even that is better rest than he had in weeks. 

He finally takes in the state of his hair. He was aware that it was long and unruly, had felt it tickling his ears and neck for the better part of a fortnight now, but taking a razor to the unkempt hair was like washing away the last of the muck and grime. 

He emerges from the bathroom and sees Caleb asleep on the couch, and what a joy it is to be overcome with tenderness and…

(This is one of the first times that word has crossed Essek’s mind with the full romantic and devoted meaning behind it. He recognizes it and sets it aside with the knowledge that it may well be the just product of a long-awaited reunion.)

He sits with Caleb and finishes his trance knowing that they are both safe and he is cared for here. 

Now let’s talk about lines and scenes from this chapter:

Essek held his spellbook in his lap, propped up against one knee, an invisible Mage Hand keeping the book he was referencing floating in the air just to his left. 

I have given Essek the Telekinetic feat (as shown by the invisible Mage Hand) because I refuse to believe he used a whole-ass 5th level Telekinesis to take the cupcake from Jester in c2e74.

[Essek] was chewing on the inside of his lip, Caleb noticed, and the pen he tapped against his chin pointed directly to the slight pull of his skin beneath his mouth. This—Essek in the Tower, bathed but unstyled, comfortable and focused and brilliant—was perhaps the loveliest sight Caleb had ever seen.

Caleb is down so bad he just likes to look at Essek and honestly I don’t blame him.

It’s about comfort! And feeling like you don’t have to put on airs around each other!! Essek doesn’t have to look or behave like anyone but himself here!!! And Caleb thinks he so beautiful for it!!!!!

He moved across the couch and wrapped his arms around Essek’s middle, shifting him just enough that he could hook his chin over his shoulder. Essek went along with this repositioning without hesitation; he leaned fully into Caleb without taking his eyes off his work. He tilted his head to the side, his cheek warm against Caleb’s own.

It’s not just comfort in a space, but comfort in an interaction! It’s like second-nature to lean into an embrace now AHHHH

ahem.

anyway.

“If you think they would be of use to you, you are more than welcome to my notes on the Happy Fun Ball.” Caleb made to summon one of the cats to retrieve them, but Essek laid a hand on his arm, stopping him.  “I appreciate it,” Essek said, “but I don’t think there is time to go over them tonight.” Caleb lowered his hand, and his heart fell alongside it. “Right. Of course.”

Caleb was not intentionally trying to get Essek to stay longer, but he certainly wasn’t trying to get him to leave sooner. Poor buddy :( and then he’s having a resurgence of the dread with added anxiety about Essek’s well-being while Essek’s still in spell-mode :(((

In this next section, we stumble into a misalignment of Caleb and Essek’s goals, at least in this moment. They’re both trying to recuperate from a very stressful six weeks apart, but they’re approaching it from different angles. Caleb’s way of making himself feel better is trying to convince them both that it doesn’t need to happen again, but Essek’s is reminding them of the reason it happened in the first place. It is Essek’s desire for Caleb’s rest and peace of mind vs. Caleb’s desire for Essek’s safety and well-being. Essek’s mindset is, “I will not subject you to a life of transience and paranoia. Maybe I deserve it, but you do not. After everything you’ve been through, you should be allowed to create a comfortable life for yourself. I love you care for you too much to let the consequences of my poor choices jeopardize that.” While Caleb’s is, “I am fully aware of what you have done, and I have known that refusal to let anyone else shoulder any of the burden. And it’s bullshit. I know what you are facing, and I am here. I accept the risk that associating with you brings because I love you care about you a great deal. I have the resources to keep you safe, and if there is a gap, I have the resources to fill it. I will do whatever is within my power to protect you.”

They try to comfort each other, but they’re also frustrated. Mostly at the situation, but kinda at each other and kinda at themselves. And a big part of what made this chapter difficult to write was finding the balance between showing frustration and showing concern, because honestly, the frustration wasn’t planned. It kept showing up, and I, Eve, the author, had to figure out how to incorporate it in a way that felt true to the characters, the scene, and the fic as a whole.

“You are leaving soon.” Essek’s mouth went slack before pinching into a frown. This close, Caleb could see the remnants of his earlier exhaustion, the faint circles under his eyes, the redness around his irises.  “Ah,” Essek said, closing his eyes. The weariness seemed to settle into his body anew. “Yes.” […] Essek covered Caleb’s hand with his own and nudged closer. “But I will return.”

Caleb is not the only one dreading Essek’s departure. But Essek is trying his best to stay optimistic, partially for his own sanity, partially because both of them having a breakdown about how much stress Essek being on the run is causing them would be a really sucky way to end this visit. It wouldn’t help Caleb at all, and Essek just had six weeks of stewing in the misery of his situation, so he can put off the next breakdown to when it’s not going to cause both of them to lose all sense of reason.

“Caleb.” Essek’s hand was gentle as it came to rest on Caleb’s knee, but his voice was tight. Concerned. “What do you need from me?” […] Caleb opened his arms, and Essek fell into them. He wove his arms between Caleb and the couch and squeezed him tightly around the waist before settling his head against Caleb’s shoulder, his breath skimming across Caleb’s neck.

This is something of a call back to All Things End, specifically this moment:

“Is there anything else I can do?” Caleb pressed his lips together, looking down as he placed his elbow on the armrest and extended an open hand towards Essek. Taking a deep breath, he glanced up. “Stay with me a while?” Essek softened and took Caleb’s hand in his, wrapping cool fingers around a warm palm. “Of course.”

Like. Please note: Essek is more confident in both his readiness to ask and in his ability to provide comfort. Caleb is less nervous to accept it. Holding your crush’s hand vs. laying on your dear friend/bf/doesn’t-matter-what-you-call-it’s chest like a weighted blanket.

But also, unfortunately: the “of course Essek can stay” of then vs. the “Essek must go” of now :'(

“I miss you,” he choked out.

Not “I have missed you,” not “I will miss you,” but “I miss you” less as a current emotion and more as a state of being. Essek is away more often than not, and even when he visits, it is for such a short amount of time that he is not truly able to reprieve Caleb of missing him. This is the essence of what is bothering Caleb in this chapter, and saying “I miss you” while Essek is here is the closest approximation he can get. He’s throwing darts trying to pinpoint his emotions.

“I…” Essek’s confusion filled the silence. “I am here.”

But Essek doesn’t know that. How could he? “I miss you” is surely not an unusual thing for them to say, but it doesn’t make sense when Essek is here, holding him. I think Essek recognizes that there is some further meaning, but he cannot figure out what that may be. 

Caleb throws another dart and gets a little closer to center:

“You don’t have to go.” Essek sighed, resigned, and pressed his forehead against Caleb’s neck in what felt like an apology. “Yes, I do.”

And Essek finally understands that Caleb has been trying to say, “I want you to stay.” Essek cannot promise him that, and they both know this, so there no point in pretending it's that simple. But there is something about knowing this that allows Essek to let down his own walls a bit and let Caleb see how the separation affects him, too.

“I have only just confirmed that the Assembly is unaware of my movements. It would have been better for me to stay away for at least another week, so as not to give my hand away immediately, but I—” His voice faltered. “Well.” He tightened his arms around Caleb.

The unspoken sentiment here is “I needed to see you.” But he can’t say that out loud. Not yet. He’s too emotionally stunted. The earnestness and blatant sentimentality would give him hives.

I don’t know what else to say about this. I am in my own walls. You know that image of someone biting a laptop? Yeah. That. 

Cut content (1) “It’s not easy being a weighted blanket”:

A brief rush of vertigo suddenly came over Caleb. He tried to blink it away, and while the initial sensation faded, a slight sense of floatiness persisted. “Apologies,” Essek said, running his hand along Caleb’s spine more easily than he should have been able to with the weight of both of them pressed against the couch. Ah. Adjust Density.  “I was losing feeling in my hands.”

Cut content (2) “Essek flexes his shadowhand skills”:

“The Assembly is not looking for me officially, so any tail Ludinus sends after me must be small and likely has some limit to their resources,” Essek explained. “Becke has her fingers on the pulse of the remaining Scourger contingent and is disinclined to believe that any would be working under Ludinus without her knowledge.  “Regardless, a target teleporting erratically across the continent is difficult to track at all, even more so without the force of a government to bolster the effort. After six weeks, they have certainly lost my scent. With some skill and some luck, it will be a long while before they are able to pick it up again.”  Essek lifted his head to meet Caleb’s eye. “That is why I was gone all that time. I had to be sure that shaking them off would last, and that no suspicion would fall on you or any of the Mighty Nein.” 

(a/n this is very hot of Essek tbh)

“This is the longest I have stayed in one place in quite some time.”

I wrote this line at 3am. It destroyed me. This line is what led to this post. I can’t believe I did this to my boy. He spent 6 whole weeks never staying in one place for more than 18 hours. How dare I. I’m so sorry, Essek.

“There is always a place for you here.” He felt Essek smile.  “Someday, maybe.”

This is the rewrite of this short exchange that, for the longest time, was the only solid I had written for this chapter. 

“You don’t have to go.” “I do. I wish I didn’t.” “Someday, maybe?” “Someday.”

No matter what, I knew that I wanted the “someday, maybe” sentiment. It’s kind of the core idea of this chapter, and it’s all they can really offer to each other at this point in time. We will discuss the first line more in Chapter 5, but the seeds have been planted.

Their foreheads knocked, and Essek’s eyes fell closed. “I will miss you,” he breathed, “most dearly.”

Yes, this is a not-so-subtle nod to Miss You Dearly, but it is also a nod to the fact that for the better part of 3 years now, I have headcanoned that Essek and Caleb use “my dear friend” when they refer to the other. Not “boyfriend,” not “partner”, though they’re not really going to correct anyone about it. It’s not wrong, it’s just not what they say.

Does this line really work as a reference to that headcanon? No, I am realizing. Nevertheless, that was part of my intention. I’m just thinking of it constantly, and I have yet to figure out a way to properly incorporate it into my fics.

With a tilt of his chin, Essek pressed his lips to Caleb’s.

This post sums up what happened here. I didn’t mean for this to happen. In some ways, I was trying to avoid it because I… kinda feel bad? that all the big kiss scenes seem to happen from Caleb’s perspective? Yes, this is silly. Yes, I have a How to Rest coda fic in the works that amends this somewhat.

“It will not be so long this time,” he said. “I promise.”

Essek cannot promise Caleb that he can stay, but a promise to visit more often and more frequently is not impossible, especially after the work he put into getting ahead of a tail.

While Essek put on his boots, Caleb went into the kitchen to scrounge together food that would keep well to send with him—half a loaf of bread Caleb got from the market the other day, some dried meats, the last few hard candies from a tin given to him by a student, and a puck of fermented tea from the Blooming Grove that he knew Essek liked—and bundled it all together.

This scene didn’t exist until I was sitting down and writing the transition between “they leave the Tower” and “Caleb starts to teach himself Private Sanctum,” but I love it. The care package, somewhat hastily assembled on account of zero notice that Essek would be showing up, is both practical (Caleb knows what keeps well on the road) and indulgent (candies and a favorite tea for a man on the run). The tea is pu-erh tea, which Essek tried back in Chapter 3 and which Caleb keeps in his house specifically because he knows Essek likes it. This is very important to me.

Caleb slipped into his study and tossed a few pearls in the tin with the candies. He didn’t doubt that Essek had enough, but, well, one could never have too many.

c2e135 01:07:05!!! “How are you on pearls?” “I will always accept more.” “They go fast.” hhhhhhnnnnnnngggghhhhh

Plus, Essek’s gets a little surprise present when he opens the candies the first time, and I think that’s nice :)

He looked down and ran his fingers softly across Caleb’s wrist. “I suppose it is time to say goodbye, then.”

For all his talk about how he has to go, Essek is procrastinating. He put on a very brave face, but he had a miserable time for the last 6 weeks and he’s worried that might happen again. It won’t get that intense again, I know, but he doesn’t. And even if he did, he’s allowed to steal a moment or two more. Like the Beacons :)

Essek reached into one of his pockets for a stone whose origin Caleb could not begin to guess, and rolled it around in his palm. “Goodbye, Caleb Widogast.”

It is important that Essek uses Caleb’s name—his full name—before he goes, as he will not be able to until the next time they see each other. We see that in the message Essek sends a bit later, where he says:

“Goodnight, my friend. I will see you soon.”

“My friend” isn’t really an Essek-ism. He most likely picked it up from Caleb. Other endearments with more romantic connotations aren’t really a good idea for someone on the run to be using openly. “My friend” is generic enough to the average eavesdropper, but you and I both know he’s really saying, “Goodnight, my (dear) friend (Caleb Widogast).”

Caleb opened his notebook and got to work, a small seed of hope sprouting in his chest.

I used a plant metaphor to describe Caleb’s feelings in Chapter 6, so I wanted to repeat that here to create a bit of a throughline. A leitmotif, if you will. Essek gets the fire/spark descriptors, Caleb get the plants ones. We have a little fun here. We get a little silly.

[onbeinganangel]

artists self rec! when you get this, reply with your favourite five arts/sets/edits/gifs that you've done, then pass on to at least five other people. time to shine and spread some self-love and appreciation 🥰 <3

omg sia, hi!!! it feels so special to get this question from you, the very first person i ever chatted to when i first fell into the drarry rabbit hole 💛💛💛

i’ve not embroidered fic recs in a while (though i have just finished a GORGEOUS commission i can share soon!!) but i think about it a lot. so this is gonna be a bit of little end of the year introspective look at my work. here are my favourite five embroidery projects i’ve done:

fic rec for almost heaven by M0stlyVoid

(original post here) — i just love how this one came out! i love the simplicity of the hands and the wee plait that i made! i fucked up my entire back doing this in 6 hours because i’m a mess but i still think it was totally worth it. this is also responsible for my obsession with embroidering hands (may it live forever) so, again, totally worth it!!

fic rec for Running on Air by eleventy7

(original post here) — this fic will never not be special. these were a lot of work but they remind me of a very special summer and autumn of sitting in the park embroidering and i love that they’re a set of two, with the iconic landscapes. i just love how they are different but complement each other! it makes me think i’d love to make more matching sets actually 👀

3. fic rec for Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid

(original post here) — i think i love this one specifically because of how experimental it is. i love the gauzy base fabric, the cotton wool, the textured moon. i keep meaning to play with fabric more and haven’t done it as much as i wish, but i really enjoy looking at all the textures in this one

fic rec for Among Ancient Pines by Theartfulldodger

(original post here) — talk about texture!! this was one of those that took AGES and a lot of patience to keep going and going and going with the same bloody stitch. a lot of textile art is trusting the process, and this one put me through it a bit. i love the end result so much though! it's so colourful and bright and i love that i even made the wee trees at the bottom work, which was terrifying after spending so many hours on the base layer haha

fic rec for The Last of What the World Left You by xanthippe74

(original post here) — i mean, look at this wee fella, how could i not love him to death 🥺 i LOVE filling in colour with long and short stitch. satin stitch is satisfying but i just love the depth and dimension long and short stitch give pieces. until this piece though, i'd never dared do it in darker colours! i think it takes a lot more finesse and you can lose a lot of detail with the darker thread. i took a chance because i really, REALLY wanted to embroider HIM specifically for xanthippe's fic, and the effort absolutely paid off. i am no longer scared of darker colours and he makes me smile every time i see him

this got super long to no one's surprise but it was a pleasure to look at these! i think i tend to overanalyse (and worry over) my writing a lot more than i do my embroidery so this was really fun! thank you again <3