#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but

[deoidesign]

.

[devildomcuties]

Golden ││ Levi ││

thank you for sending in this request :)

pairing: levi x f. reader

genre: established relationship, smut 18+

summary: Mammon poured all of the Golden Hellfire Newt Syrup into the soup, and now Levi wants you to stay as far away from him as possible. Do you listen? Of course not!

wc: 2.3k

warnings: spoilers ahead! ch. 21-ch. 22, dialogue from the OG game to set the scene, also yes, the banner has honey but I couldn't find gold syrup, insecurity (levi), levi is somewhat still under the influence of the syrup, making out, grinding, handjob, oral sex, hickeys, jealousy, cock slapping, degradation, demon!levi, facial, cum eating, levi uses his tail to keep your hands together

date: August 16, 2024

“Listen, love… Whatever you do, stay away from my room!” Levi explains, his cheeks flushing pink. “You got that?! Stay away!”

Levi’s words circle your mind as you leave Asmo’s bedroom after being interrupted by Lucifer. When did you become a delivery person for the House of Lamentation anyway?

Lucifer takes his leave after walking you to Levi’s bedroom, and you focus on Levi’s secret phrase, getting it correctly on the first try. After some praise from the third eldest, he allows you to enter his bedroom.

Levi stands nervously in front of you, his hands tucked in his pants pockets, eyes wide as he exclaims, “Ah, but wait! Stop right there!”

You come to a stop, surprised at the volume of his voice as the door shuts behind you, automatically locking to keep his brothers out.

“Don’t move! Not another step!” Levi shouts, covering his blushing face with his hand. Oh, no what was he going to do with you so close? Your sweet scent was already making his head spin, and the thoughts that ran through his head were anything but innocent.

“What if the Gold Hellfire Newt Syrup kicks in, huh? Wh-What then?” he stutters, cheeks aflame. He’s so nervous, so embarrassed, and blurts, “Like, I might lose control of myself and just… make a move on you!”

You’re silent as you approach him, wanting to ease his worries but he places his hand over his cheeks briefly, trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“Listen to me. Don’t come any closer, okay? No closer!” He warns as you set the package from Akuzon aside and take a few more steps toward him. You should listen to him, or perhaps leave but your first instinct is to offer comfort. You’ve been away from him for so long. You missed him dearly, and you just want to make everything better.

“What if I s-start acting like Asmo, all l-lewd and taken over by lust and…” Levi shakes his head furiously. The idea of acting like the Avatar of Lust makes his heart race. He would never be able to deal with the absolute humiliation it would cause when he comes to his senses.

“Aaaaaaah! I don’t even want to think about it!” Levi seems to go through all seven stages of grief as you remain silent in front of him. You want to reach out to him but you’re afraid it may make things worse.

Perhaps you should heed his advice and head to your bedroom.

“I trust you, Levi,” you tell him sincerely when he finally settles long enough for you to get a word in. 

“Love, I know you’re probably just saying that to make me feel better. Still, even if you don’t really mean it, I appreciate it.” Levi nods solemnly. “I sort of don’t trust myself right now…”

You give Levi space as he paces back and forth in his bedroom. Everyone has been affected by the syrup so differently but Levi seems to be most flustered by it. Perhaps since he knew from the start what it could do, what it meant for you.

“I mean, it’s not like you came back here to see me. Pfft, as if! Why would someone be interested in some otaku who hides in his room all day? You probably think I’m gross!” Levi rants as he tugs at his hair, and your heart sinks. 

You hated that he talked so negatively about himself, especially when you loved him so, just as he was. If only he could see himself like you saw him; if he knew that your love was true, that it was pure.

There would be battles Levi would have to face himself, like his self-image and insecurities, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t stand beside him through it all. You wanted to ease his worries and know that he was who you wanted and loved with all your heart.

“You should know, I actually missed you!” You state truthfully. You spent a lot of your time thinking about him, wondering if he was getting enough sleep, and having his meals, and hoping Mammon would ease off him a bit.

“As if you’d actually miss seeing me, pfft!” Levi immediately retorts with a snort. However before you can assure him, he crosses the distance between you, throwing his arms around you. Finally!

He apologizes, pink cheeks warm under the palms of your hands as you cup his face. 

“It’s like my body’s moving on its own…” he whispers confused. “Oh, no. Oh, no. This isn’t like me! Love, give me an order!”

You’re startled by his volume, panic clear in his tone as he tries to hold back his urges. 

“It doesn’t matter what it is!” He shouts. “Just tell me to do something, quick!” 

“Kiss me,” you order feeling bashful. 

“Why couldn’t you have made it something easier?!” Levi whines as his cheeks burn hotter under your hands. “Okay, here goes…”

Levi kisses you softly, shyly at first.

“Now suddenly all I want to do is keep going and move on to more high-level stuff…!” Levi admits, his ears now burning red. “I’ve been missing you ever since you left, you know? Every single day…”

You hold his hands in yours, admitting that you missed him as well.

“I have to make up for all of that time. And since you’re the one who ordered me to kiss you…” Levi kisses you again, taking your lead as you guide his hands to your waist. His hands shake as he grabs hold of you, moaning when your tongue slips past the seam of his lips.

“Love,” he moans as he steps back, feeling the syrup’s effects wear off somewhat. He wipes his brow, panting heavily. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack…”

You giggle, pulling him closer to you. He trips but grabs hold of your hips to steady himself. 

You moan at the rough touch, kissing him before he can stutter an apology. You’ve missed him dearly and you wanted to spend time with him, everyone else be damned. 

When the two of you pet for a much-needed breath, you shut off your DDD and his, wanting no interruptions when you devour him whole. 

“Fuck,” you curse as his hands slide under your shirt, moving upwards slowly to cup your breasts over your bra. 

You press your lips to him, nipping his bottom lip as his fingers tremble when they reach the hooks of your bra. He struggles for a moment to undo them, but he does so with ease. 

“I-I’ve been practicing,” he admits with rose-tinted cheeks. “I wanted to be better for your return.”

“With who?” you raise a brow, jealousy growing inside you.

“N-no one! I-I swear!” Levi quickly responds, stuttering as cold sweat beads on his forehead. His cheeks turn bright red as he points to his desk. On the flat surface, three little bra extenders sit connected by the hooks.

You giggle as your jealousy dissipates. You coo at Levi, kissing him to ease his embarrassment. It takes him a moment to relax, his heart racing as you deepen the kiss.

Levi normally allows you to take the lead, but he’s missed you so much, and remnants of the syrup still linger in his body. Perhaps that's the bit of courage he needs to tug you towards him, his hands moving from your hips down to your ass.

“Levi,” his name escapes you in a sweet moan that makes his cock throb. He silences you with his lips, squeezing your ass before he leads you to the bathtub.

It's large enough to fit the two of you comfortably. 

You waste no time straddling him, your hands grip his hair to give it a firm tug. Your name rolls off his tongue in a wanton moan that makes you pulsate.

Levi nips your bottom lip as his hands move to your shirt, tugging on it until you raise your arms over your head. He takes it off you and tosses it somewhere in his bedroom.

Slowly, Levi kisses his way down to your neck, biting and sucking to leave his mark behind. He groans when your fingers weave through his hair, gently tugging as his face settles between your breasts. 

Levi’s tongue is hot against your skin as he licks one breast and then the other. 

“I-I’ve missed you so much,” he stutters with a tiny smile before he takes one pert nipple into his mouth. His nails drag down your sides, his hips rising to meet yours as you unbutton your pants.

“Levi,” you breathe as you hold him to your chest, rolling your hips against his. Levi curses, his demon form threatening to come out if things continue to heat up. You’d think he’d have better control over it by now.

Your hands make quick work of his clothes before you strip down to your panties. The two of you pant as you look at each other; cheeks flush, and bashful smiles.

“Lie down,” You demand as you push Levi down by his broad shoulders. He was ripped, something that made you drool. 

Levi eyes you shyly as you kiss him again, moaning softly before you trail kisses down his chest. Your tongue runs over his abs, leaving little marks on his skin as you palm his cock over his boxers.

“Fuck, baby,” Levi groans as his eyes flutter shut, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him as you tug his boxers down his thighs.

Levi covers his mouth with his hand.  Your eyes sparkle when you see his thick cock. You wrap your hand around him, spitting on the head.

Levi’s sure he’s going to bust before you even get his dick in your pretty little mouth.

A surge of confidence fills him for a moment, encouraged by the hungry look in your eye. Levi wraps his hand around his cock, spreading your spit up and down his length. Your eyes follow his movements closely, nearly drooling as you move your face closer to it.

You ignore the slight ache on your knees as you press your hands to your thighs, feeling your panties grow wetter by the second.

Levi presses the head of his cock to your lips. You kiss it, swirling your tongue around it after. Chuckling, Levi shakes his head.

“Show me your tongue,” he commands, and you do so eagerly. Levi praises you, smacking his cock on your tongue a few times before rewarding you with his length.

You suck his dick, flicking your tongue on the underside before teasing the slit. Levi curses. His eyes squeeze shut as you take him further into your mouth, only pulling off when you gag and gasp for breath.

Levi watches as you lick up one side of his cock and down the other, rolling his balls in your hand before moving downward and taking them in your mouth.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he groans as you bob up and down on his length. He hits the back of your throat and sees stars. 

You don’t ease up, sucking, slurping, kissing, licking as he threads his fingers in your hair. Levi is filled with pleasure, feeling euphoric as you choke on his cock like the little slut you are. 

You have one hand rubbing between your legs, and the other grips Levi’s thigh to support yourself as you continue to suck his cock and balls. He’s a mess of salvia and precum but you seem unbothered as you pop off him to catch a breath.

Levi strokes your hair with one hand. The other he uses to slap his cock on your cheek until you open your mouth to welcome him in once more.

“Just like that, baby. You look so cute sucking my fat cock,” he smirks as his body grows hotter, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you choke on him once more.

Levi moans your name, warning you that he’s about to cum but you continue to suck him off, ignoring the ache in your jaw.

You take him deep in your mouth, your nose pressed to his pelvis as you meet his gaze. You feel something wrap around your calf, realizing Levi has released his demon form as he loses control of himself. His tail is wrapped around you, needing to feel you close as you swallow around him, causing him to nearly growl before he pulls out of your mouth.

“You’re mine,” he grunts as he strokes his cock. You nod, agreeing wholeheartedly as you feel the warmth of his release land on your cheek, lips, and chin.

Levi groans as he finishes, milking every last drop of cum from his cock. 

You giggle as you stare up at him.

Levi kisses you, tasting himself on your lips and tongue.

“Let’s take care of you, okay?” he asks as he uses two fingers to swipe the cum off your cheek, pressing it to your lips. You welcome his fingers into your mouth eagerly, licking and sucking them clean as he smirks.

“Can’t help yourself, huh? Such a cum-hungry slut,” Levi chuckles before he kisses you again. You tug his bottom lip, making him whine before you release him.

Levi licks the cum off your chin, giggling at the surprised look that crosses your face.

Without another word, Levi has you underneath him in the tub. Your hands are pinned in front of you, held together by his tail before he settles between your legs, placing each one on his shoulders.

“Levi!” you exclaim when he tugs you towards him, his tongue running up your wet folds.

“You’ve had your fun, love. Now it’s my turn,” Levi grins as he licks his lips, tasting you on them. You’re excited to see this side of Levi, though you’re not sure how much of a role the Golden Hellfire Newt Syrup will play in your relationship in the future, you’d enjoy Levi’s confidence while it lasts.

Who knows, perhaps you’d venture into it again.

© devildomcuties - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms.

[elliotts-personal-property]

I Think I Love You (Joe Elliott x Reader)

A/N: Hey y'all, as promised here's the Joe one shot. Feeling super nervous rn, considering this is the first time I’ve posted my writing on here. I'd love to hear your feedback so I can improve on my writing. I'm open to any and all constructive criticism and encourage it! Anyways… I won't keep stalling for any longer. I hope y’all enjoy this one!!

Warnings: Mentions/references to making out/smut but nothing actually explicit happens.

Ps, if you really want to feel the vibe of this one shot I'd suggest listening to "I Think I Love You" by The Partridge Family while reading this💗

With love, Kris<3

-

Sheffield, 1982

I'm sleeping

And right in the middle of a good dream

Like all at once I wake up

The poor guy had been tossing and turning all night.

Joe couldn't get his mind off of you.

Just the thought of you disrupted his sleep.

From something that keeps knocking at my brain

In his eyes you were perfect. You were the only girl in the world he wanted. Of course that also meant you were the one girl, who in his eyes, had got away. The one he could never have. Why? Because you were his best friend.

For months upon months he was stuck in this endless cycle.

It went a little something like this:

He'd think about you so much so that he'd convince himself that he had to go tell you.

Then he'd work up the courage to say it.

He'd find the perfect time to confess but then start to reconsider his choice. He always would hold it back when he decided it wasn't a good idea after all.

He'd then go back to thinking about how perfect of a moment it would've been and mentally kick himself for not saying a thing.

And the cycle would repeat.

It went on and on and on.

Before I go insane

As a result of this, he hadn't had a good nights sleep in a while.

That night was different though.

I hold my pillow to my head

Something had finally snapped.

And spring up in my bed

He had known how he felt for a long time. But he had never actually come to terms with the gravity of it.

Screaming out the words I dread

I think I love you

All at once it hit him like a brick wall. He realized he truly loved you.

-

On the rare occasion that your best friend felt brave he'd indirectly hint at something more. After a while of not getting any knowing looks from you he just assumed that you were oblivious to all of his side comments. You in fact were not.

After a while you started to get impatient with him.

You wanted to shout it out loud, right in his face, "Dear God Joe just ask me out already!"

Recently those side comments from Joe had stopped. You would've said something to him if he hadn't stopped. But now you weren't even sure if he still cared, or if he had just given up and moved on. It would be stupid to lose your friendship over this. So you stayed quiet just to be safe.

It was a shocker to both you and everyone else how you two hadn't gotten together already.

There were so many signs. It was only a matter of time.

-

This morning

I woke up with this feeling

I didn't know how to deal with

Another night of restless sleep had gone by. It was worse than usual, so much so that by dawn he had already come up with a plan.

He knew what he had to do. He was going to tell you the only way he could. In the only unique love language he knew, through music.

If he was gonna do it, it had to be big and flashy. Joe wouldn't have it any other way.

He couldn't let his feelings lie dormant anymore. No, he thought, this time will be different. This time I won't back out.

And so I just decided to myself

I'd hide it to myself

And never talk about it

He had kept his feelings to himself for the past few years. Joe wanted to tell you, he really did. But in the back of his mind he worried about ruining the relationship you guys already had.

Joe loved you so much that he was willing to hide his feelings just so you wouldn't walk out on his life. He didn't want to lose you over some feelings he had. Ones that he couldn't guarantee you'd reciprocate. So, he believed it was best to keep it to himself.

And did not go and shout it

When you walked into the room

I think I love you

Joe didn't just think, he knew.

Joe was dead set on what he had to do. He just needed to get a few things sorted. First off was getting the guys on board with it.

-

Joe gathered his closest friends together. They were less like bandmates and more like brothers to him. He knew they would help him out. All it would take was a bit of convincing.

"Can you please help me out?" Joe pleaded.

He assured them about his plan.

"It's just one, and it'll be real quick."

"Alright, fine," the bassist answered for them all, "What song is it anyways?"

Joe told them his song of choice and they all gave him odd looks.

Sav cocked an eyebrow at the song choice.

"The Partridge Family? Are you serious?"

Phil chimed in, "You really think a band like us should be playing a song like that?"

Steve rested his hand on his head, "Everyone's going to make fun of us."

Joe tried to defend his choice, "You know it can't be that bad. We're playing in a pub for god's sake. It's not like the whole world's gonna be there."

The rest of the guys seemed unconvinced.

"Come on guys, you said you'd help me. Please?"

He kept on.

"Just help a bloke out, alright?"

And on.

"Please I promise I'll never ask for anything ever again."

Rick half-whispered to Sav.

"You know he's never gonna let it up. Not until we say yes at least."

Sav knew he was right. Joe wouldn't stop bugging them until they agreed.

"Okay fine, but it's only one song."

Joe nodded enthusiastically, "Mhm yeah, just one."

It was settled, they would help. Now all that was left was to get you there.

-

I think I love you

So what am I so afraid of?

The thought of telling you was exciting to him, yet terrifying.

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of

A love there is no cure for

His heart raced as he drove over to your place.

I think I love you

Joe was already cheery about just the thought of you going.

Isn't that what life is made of?

He hadn't felt this excited over something in a long time.

As he pulled onto your street he tapped on the steering wheel. It was due to the mix of both the pure joy of excitement and an ever growing anxious feeling that was building up inside.

Though it worries me to say

That I've never felt this way

-

Believe me

You really don't have to worry

"You'll be there tomorrow, right?"

"Of course," you answered with a wide smile, "You guys go on at eight, right?"

God he loved your smile. It could light up any room.

He melted just looking at you. Anytime you spoke to him he lost all train of thought.

You snapped your fingers to get his attention.

"Joe?"

"Oh- um, yeah. Eight, we'll be on then."

I only wanna make you happy

After you said yes he began going through that same cycle again. He started doubting his whole plan. Wondering if it would work or not.

There was no way he could back out now though. For the past few days they'd been practicing that song, not stopping until Joe felt satisfied with the final product.

He wondered if you would stick around after all of this.

Would you tell him to "beat it" and move on with your life without him? Or would you stay there by his side?

And if you say, "Hey, go away"

I will

Joe crossed his fingers, hoping for the best outcome possible.

But I think better still

I'd better stay around and love you

He was determined to make sure you stayed.

Do you think I have a case?

Let me ask you to your face

Do you think you love me?

Tomorrow night he'd get the long awaited answer to that question.

I think I love you

-

You arrived early, wanting to make sure you were right up front. This is what you always did. It was your way of showing Joe you cared. You mindlessly tapped your fingers against the small stage, waiting for them to come out.

Meanwhile Joe was there fixing himself up in their tiny dressing room, (if you could even call it one). It was fairly small. The owner had "renovated" one of their small back rooms into a "dressing room".

He stood in front of the vanity mirror fluffing out the rest of his hair. Joe was doing any and everything in his power to keep his mind off of the plan. He looked at his reflection as he told himself to just smile and hope for the best. Whatever happens happens, it was no longer in his control anymore.

After waiting for what felt like forever the guys finally came out on stage. As Joe got on he stopped in front of you and sent you a quick smile before turning his attention to the other patrons of the bar.

You cheered along the whole time as they went through their usual set list. It didn't matter how many times you'd seen them, you were always captivated by their showmanship.

Time always seemed to fly by whenever you watched them play.

By now you had memorized their set list and were almost sure they were closing out now, having just played Wasted. They always saved it for last and were just about ready to leave.

That was before Joe had something to say.

The cheering in the room died down as Joe placed the mic back in its stand. He adjusted it right to his level, getting ready to speak.

"We have one last song for you all tonight. We're gonna take a little change of pace if that's alright with you."

He took a glance around at his bandmates, giving them all a quick nod before adding on.

"This one goes out to a very special someone. Someone who means the world to me."

His eyes drifted down to the people in the front row, moving one by one until eventually landing onto you.

"This is for you, Y/N."

Taking one last deep breath in he calmed himself before counting the guys in.

All of them started in, "Ba, ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba, ba."

You giggled at the ridiculousness of it before fully realizing the gravity of this song.

You knew what it was the second they sung the first line.

You hadn't heard it in such a long time and had practically forgotten about it, forgotten how much you loved it. It was always one of your favorites, and Joe had known that for a while now.

All thoughts completely left your mind when Joe began to sing.

"I'm sleeping,

And right in the middle of a good dream,

Like all at once I wake up,

From something that keeps knocking at my brain,

Before I go insane,

I hold a pillow to my head,

And spring up in my bed,

Screaming out the words I dread."

The rest of the guys joined in on the next line.

"I think I love you!”

This was his confession.

His eyes couldn't help but drift towards you.

"I think I love you."

While preforming Joe tried to keep his attention with the rest of the audience equal, but he kept on letting his eyes go back to you, like some sort of magnet that couldn't be pulled apart.

If him dedicating this song to you wasn't the most obvious thing, you'd say his looks alone were enough to tell you that this was for you.

You couldn't help but feel a smile tugging at your lips. Your cheeks started to feel sore from the excessive smiling.

"So what am I so afraid of?"

Every time his eyes caught yours you felt your heart skip a beat.

"I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for."

Joe really did care about you, deep down inside he did, he always did.

Soon the song came to a close with their repeated "I think I love you's" becoming more and more quiet as they faded off.

They all came front and center, taking a short bow together as the crowd in the bar cheered them on.

The girl next to you had to have already been out of it.

"You're a lucky girl, huh?" she practically yelled into your ear. You couldn't blame her though, she was standing directly in front of an amplifier the whole time.

It snapped you out of the trance you seemed to have slipped into.

"Oh-uh yeah," you smiled.

"Look," she said, swinging her arm to point at the guys in front of you.

The rest of them were making their way off, leaving through the stage left.

Joe was the last one still up there.

You stayed staring at him in disbelief, not even knowing what to do. He had finally said it... or well sung it, same difference. What was there you could do?

He tilted his head to your right gesturing off to the side of the stage, to what you only could assume led to their dressing room.

He flashed you a quick smile before sending a subtle wink your way.

If it was anybody else, you'd say you were surprised by their actions, but for Joe? Well that's a different story.

With both of her hands the girl next to you latched onto your arm.

"Ooh looks like someone's gettin' some action tonight!"

Your cheeks flushed red and you prayed to god no one else heard.

Immediately you turned to Joe, hoping he hadn't heard the girl's remark.

His eyes darted away from you. Before Joe left you saw him trying to suppress his chuckling, but ultimately failing. His smug smile was the last thing you saw as he walked off the stage.

Of course he had to have heard it, why wouldn’t he?

The girl let go of you when you told her you had to leave. She told you something along the lines of, "Have fun tonight!" before you left.

You went around the corner finding the door that you guessed led backstage. The door was locked from the inside and there was no way of getting in. You didn't worry though, knowing that the guys would come out soon enough.

After a couple minutes of waiting by the door an ecstatic Rick swung it open. The rest of the guys shuffled their way out, but with their lead nowhere in sight.

You turned your attention towards the last member to come out.

"Is he?"

"Third door to the right," Sav answered before you could even finish asking your question.

"Thanks."

He gave you a warm smile, still holding the door open for you, letting you slip through to the back hallway.

"See you in a bit," he said, letting the door shut behind you.

Even though there was no reason to, you counted to yourself as you passed by each of the doors.

One...

Two...

You felt your heart race as you got closer to the last one.

...Three

You stood there for a moment trying to see if you could hear anything on the other side. You didn't and knew it was time to stop stalling.

After taking a deep breath to compose yourself you rested your hand on the cool doorknob.

Here goes nothing.

You slowly opened the door as quietly as you could and after shutting it watched the scene play out before you.

He stood there in front of a vanity mirror facing away from you. He hadn't noticed you but you could see his face clear as day through the reflection.

Joe was humming a tune while brushing his hair. You immediately recognized what song it was.

He was humming the one he had just played. His tone was full of pure joy.

Once he was done he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to shape it some more.

The man in front of you looked fine already but seemed to be getting ready for something more.

He adjusted the collar of his shirt before picking up a small bottle of cologne. Adding just a spray to his neck and one to his wrist before turning around.

Joe's humming abruptly stopped and his eyes widened.

"Oh… you're here?"

You'd been caught staring.

At this point any embarrassment that you could have had got washed away whenever he decided to dedicate that song to you.

"Sorry, I-"

"Don't be," he cut you off.

He set the bottle down and slowly approached you, seeming to take his time with it.

You watched carefully as he took every painfully slow step.

You didn't know where to start, but knew you had to say something.

"You guys were great."

"Thank you."

You had to bring it up, you couldn't bare to wait any longer.

"That song you played. Did you?"

You stopped, taking a quick glance around, noting that it was just the two of you in the room, before finishing.

"Did you really mean that?"

His gaze softened at the question.

"Yes."

He paused before stepping closer, leaving barely any room between the two of you.

"I meant every word of it."

Your heart sped up with every word he spoke.

"Y/N I mean it."

His hand moved up to tuck the loose hair behind your ear.

"I think I love you."

You had been longing to hear those words for such a long time. Never in your lifetime did you think it would happen, but it finally did.

He said that to you, and you only.

After all this time, you heard those three words you loved the most.

"I love you."

His hand moved down to cup the side of your face. You lightly nudged your face against his warm palm. Closing your eyes you took a deep breath in, wanting to smell more of the cologne that rested on his wrist.

When you opened your eyes his hand moved down to carefully tilt your chin up.

Your eyes faced him now.

"I love you too."

This was the moment. The moment you waited forever for.

Heart racing and eyes wide you both slowly drew in closer. It felt like the longest seconds of your life, waiting for him to connect with you.

You looked into his emerald green eyes before letting yours flutter closed.

Soon enough you felt the feather light touch on your lips. It felt like heaven to you.

You brought one hand up, letting you fingers run through his light brown hair.

You felt Joe's other hand reach down to the small of your back, gently pulling you closer into him.

All you could do now was relax your body and take in the overwhelming smell of his cologne.

After what felt like an eternity, the two of you finally pulled away from one another. You already missed the feeling of his soft lips on yours.

You refused to back up from him, leaving hardly any gap between you two.

His warm breath fell on your lips as he mumbled, "You don't know how long I've wanted this."

"Me too."

Joe's hands dropped down and his fingers latched onto the belt loops of your jeans before lightly tugging at them, pulling you closer.

Your hips were pulled forward and you lightly bumped against him before falling back and resting mere inches from him.

Joe's eyes quickly scanned over your face as if he was looking for a cue of some sort.

Though you had never seen this look on him before, you knew exactly what it meant.

"Please Y/N."

That short plea was more than enough to get you going.

Your arms almost instinctively wrapped around his neck, letting him know you were okay with it.

"Come on," he said, slightly lowering himself to reach the back of your legs. He lifted you up and stepped back to sit in the armchair placed in front of the mirror

Your legs were pinned close on either side of him, resting between his outer thighs and the arms of the chair.

Without warning the two of you crashed into each other once more, desperate for each other's touch.

He hummed into the kiss, making you relish in the feeling he gave you.

-

You didn't know exactly how much time had gone by, but you knew a decent amount had passed.

Slowly, you drew away from his neck and let out a shaky breath, still wanting more. It had now been a little while since you first got in there and you knew it would only be a matter of seconds until someone barged in looking for two of you.

Your eye contact with him continued as you calmed your breathing.

Lightly pushing yourself away, resting your hands on his stomach, you finally spoke up.

"We should go. They're pry wondering what's taking so long."

Joe thought about it for a second. Seemingly weighing the pros and cons of both staying and going.

"Who cares? Let 'em wonder."

You planted one last quick kiss before making an offer.

"How about later, yeah?"

A wicked smile spread across his face, already thinking of what was to come, "Yeah."

You pulled yourself off of him and tried to fix the newfound wrinkles in your clothes. After getting up he did the same and you stayed there fixing yourselves up.

Just as the two of you were about to walk out you stopped him.

"Wait."

He turned to you.

"You’ve got a little…," you trailed off as you brought your thumb up to the corner of his mouth.

"Something," you finished as you wiped the last bit of red lipstick off of him.

Feeling content with how the two of you looked, you set off out of the dressing room and back down the hallway.

He held the door open for you and led you out into the main room.

You both scanned your eyes around the bar floor trying to find the guys.

Joe grabbed onto your hand and held on as he guided you through the crowd. He led you over to the round booth where they were all seated. As you approached the booth he gave your hand a light squeeze before letting go.

It took only one glance at the you two for the teasing to start.

"Woah!" Phil exclaimed, "What happened in there?"

"Nothing," Joe replied making his best attempt at a deadpan tone.

"You sure about that?"

The rest joined in on by adding "ooohs," sounding exactly like a group of kids in elementary who just found out one of their classmates was called into the principals office.

This was only the beginning of the never ending teasing that was to come.

Phil raised his eyebrows, "Just couldn't wait until you got home, huh?"

Joe rolled his eyes at his bandmates teasing.

Sure you had been gone for a bit, but you knew there had to have been something else causing their reactions.

You looked between yourself and Joe quickly noticing the culprit.

Though you had made sure to get all your lipstick off his face you forgot to check the collar of his shirt. The sloppy kisses had caused you to completely miss his neck in some spots and just get his shirt. The shirt in question being a white one didn't help your case.

There was no sense in trying to rub it off now, and not like you could anyways.

Rick and Sav scooted around to make room for you and Joe.

As you sat down you both noticed all the other guys were already starting their night off with their drinks in hand.

Joe looked around at each and every one of them, "You started without us, aye?”

"We waited for a little while, but you guys took too long," Sav replied.

Joe turned to face you, "How 'bout a round?"

You smiled, "Sure."

-

Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you liked it💗

[momoyukirin]

Momo's "An Idol's Daily Life" Rabbitchat Part 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Preference survey

Momo: Maneko-chan, is it okay if I drop by Takanashi Agency today?

Tsumugi: Thank you for your hard work! Of course it is, is this about the dumbbell matter?

Momo: Yep that's right! (*´∀`)b I ordered two sets online by accident and Mitsuki agreed to take one off my hands!

Tsumugi: Thank you for going to all that trouble! Mitsuki-san has a shoot and won't be here today, so I'd like to ask if it's okay for someone else to receive them in his stead.

Tsumugi: I'm sure you're busy, so please let me take them if you don't mind...!

Momo: It's just an excuse to be on the move, so don't worry about it! I also want to see Kinako-chan since it's been a while☆

Momo: They were a big nuisance even if I kept them in my room, so Mitsuki did me a big favor~!

Tsumugi: He was excited to give his all in his home workouts, after he receives the dumbbells!

Momo: Since Mitsuki is already really strong, he'll get an even bigger power-up!

Tsumugi: It appears he wants to build even more muscle than he has now!

Momo: I'll do my best too, in order not to lose(っ`・ω・´)っ)))

Momo: Welp, it's evening already, but I'll drop by later, okay!

Tsumugi: We'll be expecting you!

Tsumugi: I may be away for a while to attend a meeting, so in that case is it okay if Banri-san is the one to welcome you?

Momo: Ehh!?!?!?!?!? Ban-san will be there today!?

Tsumugi: Yes! I informed him that you'll be visiting this evening!

Option 1:

Tsumugi: He said he looks forward to seeing you!

Momo: Eeh!? Can you let him know I'm looking forward to it too!? We had really bad timing when we met during MEZZO"-kun's recording last week, so I didn't even get to greet him (｡>д<。)

Option 2:

Tsumugi: He said he really wants to talk to you, after all this time!

Momo: Wait a sec, I'm getting nervous all of a sudden!! I'm very happy I get to catch up with Ban-san too! I'll be there asap, okay!? -==Σ((つ°∀° )つ

Option 3:

Tsumugi: Is Yuki-san going to be coming as well?

Momo: Not really, Yuki has another shoot to do, so I'll be by myself! I really hope he can come with me next time there's a chance to meet Ban-san though.

Momo: Wah~~~~ I'm kinda excited now!

Momo: Maneko-chan, thanks for telling me beforehand. If I'd come over there without knowing, my heart might not have been prepared! ><

Momo: By the way, can I ask you something?

Tsumugi: What is it!

Momo: Do you like Lemon cheese tarts*?

Tsumugi: I love them!

Momo: (*^_°) b

Tsumugi: Um, why do you ask?

Momo: It's kinda like a survey of Maneko-chan's preferences! (*>∀・*)/

Momo: It seems that a popular Lemon cheese tart shop opened recently, so I was wondering if you knew about it!

Tsumugi: Are you perhaps talking about the shop that recently opened near the TV station!?

Momo: Yeah yeah, that one! The staff told me it's delicious and that there's also pistachios in it!

Momo: Have you tried it yet?

Tsumugi: Not yet, unfortunately... Banri-san and I went there during our break the other day, but it was sold out so I couldn't get it.. ><

Momo: Thought so, it's really popular after all (ノ_・。) I heard people were lining up for over two hours on opening day.

Tsumugi: That's right..! I heard it's relatively empty on weekday mornings, but I can't really go then...

Momo: Some good news for you, Maneko-chan! (oノ∇ `)ノ:* • ° ° • *

Momo: They'll be accepting reservations, starting next week!

Tsumugi: Is that so!?

Momo: Apparently, if you make a reservation online you can skip the line!

Tsumugi: Wow! I'll be sure to check it out! Momo-san you're really well-informed!

Momo: Eeh, you think so? I just happened to catch something about it in the wind that's all (・´3`・)

Momo: By the way, how many people are in the office todaay?~*

Tsumugi: Huh?

Tsumugi: Including myself and Banri-san, there should be 5 people...

Momo: Understood! (・∀・)ゞ

Momo: I'll go buy some souvenirs so look forward to it✩

Tsumugi: Could this be..!

Momo: Fufufu, you'll have to wait and see ･･･(¯ー+¯)

Tsumugi:

1)Also known as Hokkaido cheese tarts apparently, this is what they look like

2) In this bit, Momo uses -nya instead of -na, like he usually does, though it wasn't possible to integrate it in the sentence itself without making it sound cringey (the original isn't, by the way) so just imagine him saying it with his >:3 mischievous cat voice lol

[ddlcpoly]

A lot happened that day, so much that I was really scared of coming to the club. That night I spoke with MC about what happened with Monika and Yuri and then he told me what happened with Natsuki. We then spoke more honestly than ever, eventually learning that we both were in love with the rest of the club.

Now I already had a sneaking suspicion that everyone in the club was crushing on everyone else, but I honestly thought it was just me having hopeful thinking that I could start a polyamorous relationship with all of them and was just connecting things that weren’t there to delude myself.

But after talking it over and how at least Monika and Yuri like me and how Natsuki liked MC, it all started to seem so obvious. The way Monika spoke so freely about how much she admired and cared for all of us, how Yuri always was sneaking glances at everyone every time she could, how MC still got nervous at times when spending time alone with one us or how Natsuki seemed to blush at little bit every day at the club. I knew what I had to do then, I had to help the club back together and we all needed to be honest to do that.

I open my mouth “I want all of us to be perfectly honest. We all made mistakes that day, but I think that’s mostly that we were always so prone to mistakes.” I awkwardly chuckle “We all hid our feelings from each other because of the fear of hurting one another, but that only caused all of us to get more hurt” Natsuki starts squirming in her seat as she continues to look down, MC keeps staring at me with his always-present blank expression, but I know he is also worried, Monika stares at her desk probably beating herself up in her mind still and Yuri starts shaking nervously “So now I think the only course of action we can all take in order to be able to continue being happy with one another is by being honest.” I take a deep breath, hesitating on whether or not to say what I’m about to say, it’s something that once said I can’t take back and might be problematic in the future. But I trust them and I know this is the best thing I could say right now…

 “I love all of you. I love how diligent Monika is, I love how passionate Yuri is, I love how patient MC is, I love how fiery Natsuki is, Ilove how we can all come together and create a place where I can feel truly happy and loved and I don’t want to lose that!” I start to choke up as a stream of tears start falling down from my eyes.

“I love you too Sayori, I love all of you.” Surprisingly it’s Yuri who says this, her eyes also filled with tears. “I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere, but this club, no, all of you have become a place of comfort and joy. Every single one of you have accepted me as I am and have treated me with such warmth and care that I can barely keep up with. I wish for all of you to remain a permanent part of my life and if possible, not just as friends.”

“Yeah” Natsuki is the next to speak up “You bundle of idiots somehow squirmed your way deep into my heart and I, well, y’know. I feel the same as Yuri and Sayori.” She sits back down unable to say anything else.

MC stands up “I will be completely honest, I joined the club because I thought all of you were cute.” He confesses, “We all know that, you idiot.” Natsuki retorts “Even with your unchanging face, it was extremely obvious.” “Oh…” he seems slightly disappointed in himself. “Well, that’s not the point I was trying to make, even if the reason I joined was, admittedly, pretty shallow, I stayed because you girls have been the people I have been closest to in the world. I don’t think I could have the same kind of bond with anyone else and I don’t want to lose that. I also love each and every one of you.”

We all start to stare at Monika who is still seated on her desk, frantically redirecting her stare between the four of us, blushing heavily “Eh? G-Guys we shouldn't j-joke about things like that. If this is a prank to get back at me, you guys did it and I probably deserve it.”

The mood sours after Monika says that “Y-YOU IDIOT!” Natsuki yells out, even more tears coming out of her eyes “I-I would never say shit like that as a joke. I’m not that kind of person.” Yuri puts a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her “I-I understand this might be difficult to understand. To be frank, I haven’t fully processed what is happening at this moment. But I do know that my feelings are true.” Monika just stares at them in shock.

“Look Monika,” MC looks at her determined. “I’ve always admired you and I even had a crush on you when we shared a class together. But getting to know you has made me fall deeper for you, so please believe me.”

“It’s true.” I say “We all love you Monika, do you love us back?” Monika’s eyes start to tear up to which she covers them up with her hands and in the softest voice I’ve ever heard come out of Monika’s mouth she says “yes…”

I sense the mood of the room is starting to significantly cheer up now. “So, what are we supposed to do now?” Natsuki “It’s not like we can date each other now, right?” Natsuki asks.  I immediately respond “Well, actually…”

The rest of the afternoon we spent talking about what happened at that day in the festival, apologizing and forgiving each other, and I eventually brought up what I had planned, I discussed it with MC back when we were discussed our feelings for our friends, and let’s just say, everyone came out of that room with at least 2 more partners.

4/4

Fin

[gamergirl-06]

Best Friend! Bruno x Reader

Requested

Plot: Bruno the readers best friend and confessed his love to them after seeing that they were bitten but he doesn’t realise that they too are immune and they love him too.

Taglist: @hyunjinbiased-blog @kisadr

Note: sorry if this is a bit short, I tried to make it as long as I could and sorry it took ages to get out

You looked down at the mark on your arm were it happened. The memory of that moment coming back to you as you shudder.

Had you not been distracted by saving your best friend from a horde of those things maybe you wouldn’t have got bit. Although you were immune and it happened a few days ago while healing, you couldn’t tell Bruno it let him see.

You knew Bruno quite well, he would get so distraught to the point he would probably have tears rolling down his face.

He cared about you so much and you cared about him just as much. You were in love with your best friend. You never told him though, despite it being the end of the world.

You sigh at the mark that was still prominent on your arm, it was still healing at it wasn’t completely gone so you were cautious to let anyone catch a glimpse of it, so you grabbed out a med kit and bandaged it up.

You continued to walk down the desolated street with the stuff you had picked up for the others which was an assortment of foods, health stuff like meds, some games you found in one of the houses so that you could play them one the traditional ‘game nights’ you have with the other survivors now.

You walk to the gate and get buzzed in by Emma and walk towards the front door and make your way inside before heading to the kitchen and setting everything down.

You felt a pair of arms wrap around you and you knew it was immediately.

“See you made it back in one piece”

You chuckle “of course, you know I can take care of myself”

“I know but I still get worried about you” Bruno said as he hugged you “I just care about you a lot and I can’t lose you, your the only good thing in this shit show”

You smile at him, god you loved him.

He smiles back “ can I check you over for any injuries”

You froze, shit he would see the mark if he did that.

“ NO!” You shout, you didn’t mean to but it was a quick nervous response.

Rubi have you a confused look “ are you ok? Your never this jumpy or actually, you never act this weird”

He grabs your arm and the bandage slipped off by accident by how his grip was (which wasn’t that hard tbh).

When his eyes made contact with your arm he froze. He couldn’t believe it.

Fuck fuck fuck he thought.

“No no no no no this can’t be happening” he panicked “no not you I-dammit what did I just say? I can’t lose you too”

You sigh “ Bru I-“

“I love you dammit you can’t leave me” he confessed as his cheeks burned a bright pink.

You stood in shock as you just heard him tell you he loved you, your best friend who you were IN LOVE with just told you he loved you.

You cup his cheeks and with a bold move kissed him on the lips as he took a second to comprehend what was happening.

When he did he grabbed your hips and pulled you into him keeping you close to him, like you were about to be taken from him at any given moment.

When you pull away you say “ Bruno, I’m immune”

His eyes widened “You’re what? You’re immune?”

You shake your head and smile “yes I am,I’m not leaving you anytime soon”

He had a never ending grin on his face, he was relieved, he really thought he was gonna live without you, hopefully you never scare him like that again.

“Also” you start

“Hmm”

“I love you too”

“That’s great, also you scared me half to death my love Jesus Christ” he muttered.

You laugh but you’re happy that you two are together in this battle to be won. Nothing can keep you two apart if it the last thing you’ll ever left happen.

[kenmxaz]

'✵•.¸,✵°✵.｡.✰ CHAPTER ONE ✰.｡.✵°✵,¸.•✵'

I woke up to my alarm blaring in my ears, and turned to look over at the time. Seeing that I already overslept an entire hour, I jumped out of bed to take a shower. "Where is my phone?!" I'm always losing things in a rush. Now I'm running everywhere looking for my phone before I run out the door. "I don't even have time to eat. I'll just miss my first morning class and  make myself something quick." I made some bacon and pancakes. I sat down for a quick bite and washed my dish. I looked at the time again and it's almost 1 PM. I ran out the door and bumped into someone. "I don't have time for this..." I whispered to myself. I looked at who I bumped into and I saw a FINE ASS MAN WITH THE THICKEST ASS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. My jaw dropped at how perfect he looks. I quickly picked myself up and apologized for bumping into him. "It's okay, just slow down next time, Caraja," He said. I quickly walked away and headed to class.

What did he say? Caraja? I have heard that before but never knew what it meant. While thinking about this I was also spacing out, staring at him and I noticed a minute after. "Which class are you attending next?" he asked, looking at the agenda inside my binder flap. "O-oh, I am going to Biology class, and you?" I asked after. "Oh I'm also heading to biology, do you want me to walk with you?" He asked as he started to walk a bit into the hallway. I nodded my head and started to walk by his side. It was a bit awkward because I didn't even know his name and I was too nervous to ask him. A few seconds after walking into class he volunteered to sit next to me and even asked me my name. "My name is Y/N L/N, and yours?" I said, trying to make eye contact. "My name is Miguel O'hara." he said as he put down his bag. The teacher started to explain what we would be doing and I couldn't even pay attention because Miguel was sitting next to me. The teacher explained that we would be dissecting a frog!! Miguel was so disgusted and I heard him say something under his breath but I didn't understand. "Esta pinche maestra.." was what he said.

I looked at what Miguel had on his paper and I saw nothing yet, I was a bit worried he didn't even pay attention. "Do you need help?" I asked him, and he just looked at me. I felt so embarrassed after asking him and then he replied. "Oh, I know what I'm doing. Do you?" he asked, looking right into my eyes with his brown eyes. I looked away and started to feel hot, *Am I blushing for a guy I don't even know??* I asked myself. I thought that instead of freaking out I should get started on this dissection.. So I grabbed our supplies while Miguel was writing our names down and then we patiently waited for our frog. I was looking around the classroom waiting for our frog while Miguel said my name. "Y/N?" he asked, and I quickly turned around and we made eye contact. "You know, you have beautiful eyes. I love the color E/C." he said looking straight into them. As embarrassed as I was I couldn't handle it so I said thanks really fast stuttering and I asked to be excused to the restroom.

As I was in the restroom, I looked into the mirror and I noticed I was blushing really hard. I tried to calm myself down by splashing water on my face but while doing that I slipped on a piece of toilet paper and hit the ground. Of course it hurt but I was so distracted by the feeling I was having and didn't even notice I had got bitten by a spider. It didn't catch my eye but at the same time I FELT that it had bit me. Since it had been a really bad spider bit, and was turning red and purple I knew it had to be treated. So I walked back into the classroom and noticed Miguel got up and noticed something was wrong. "¿Que paso? What happened to you?" He asked, looking at me worried. "It's only a spider bite, but it's turning into an odd color.." I said putting my arm out so he could see. I noticed that his eyes widened and at the time I didn't know why.. He then proceeded to grab bandages and wrap my arm with it and cared for my arm. He was so caring and looked out for me for the rest of the day, sure we had awkward moments but they were all memories to remember but now.. I don't know what happened.

'✵•.¸,✵°✵.｡.✰ TIMESKIP ✰.｡.✵°✵,¸.•✵'

I started to notice Miguel was becoming a more stubborn guy and wanted everything his way and I really didn't enjoy it when he started to act that way. He started to speak more Spanish and that means getting mad more often. At that time I had a boyfriend, his name was Hobie and he was really about breaking the rules and being a rebel and that was the one thing Miguel didn't like. Since Miguel was being overly protective of me, Hobie sat me down one day and said we needed to have a serious conversation. My heart sank as I knew that when someone says "we need to talk," it usually meant something was wrong. Hobie expressed his concerns about Miguel's behavior towards me, pointing out that it wasn't healthy or fair for Miguel to treat me like his girlfriend when we weren't in a romantic relationship. Hobie, being a close friend of both of us, didn't want to interfere but felt it was necessary to bring up the issue. He explained that he didn't want our friendship to be affected, but he believed it might be best for us to break up.

I was caught off guard by Hobie's words. Deep down, I knew that Miguel's actions were not appropriate, but I had become accustomed to them and convinced myself that it was a sign of his care for me. However, Hobie's perspective made me question whether I was truly happy in this situation. Despite the love I had for Miguel, I understood that there needed to be a change.

"Hobie, you're right," I mustered the courage to respond. "I do think it's best for us to break up...but we can still be friends." My voice quivered as tears welled up in my eyes, and I could see the disappointment in Hobie's face. "Yeah, sure, we can remain friends," he replied, trying to hide his own feelings behind a forced smile. I embraced him in a tight hug, silently conveying my gratitude for his honesty and concern. With a heavy heart, we parted ways, and I made my way to my Geography class, trying to hold back the emotions swirling inside me.

As I sat in the lecture hall, the professor droned on about a mundane topic, but my mind was elsewhere. Thoughts of the conversation with Hobie and the imminent changes in my relationship with Miguel consumed my thoughts. Time seemed to slip away, and before I knew it, the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. I hurriedly gathered my belongings and made my way to the Biology lecture, where Miguel would be waiting.

As I stepped into the classroom, I spotted Miguel walking towards me. A mix of emotions flooded my heart - love, uncertainty, and a tinge of sadness. I managed to summon a smile and waved at him. We fell into step together, walking towards our seats in the lecture hall.

The professor commenced the Biology class with an infectious enthusiasm, sharing their passion for the subject matter. They explained how Anatomy is a captivating field of study that has fascinated scientists and scholars for centuries. It allows us to delve into the intricate inner workings of living organisms, particularly the human body, unraveling the secrets of our own existence. Through the study of anatomy, we gain invaluable insights into the structure and function of various organ systems that sustain life.

The professor emphasized that anatomy is not solely reserved for aspiring medical professionals; it has far-reaching relevance for anyone interested in understanding their own bodies and promoting personal well-being. Knowledge of anatomy empowers individuals to make informed choices about their health, adopt healthy lifestyles, and seek appropriate medical care when needed. Furthermore, anatomy forms the foundation for many disciplines within the biological and medical sciences, such as physiology, pathology, and medical imaging.

Reflecting on our recent frog dissection activity, the professor reminded us of the hands-on experience we had gained in understanding the internal anatomy of frogs. The dissection allowed us to explore and appreciate the intricate details of their organ systems, including the digestive system, respiratory system, circulatory system, nervous system, and reproductive system. By engaging in such practical activities, we not only deepen our understanding but also develop essential skills such as critical thinking, observation, and teamwork.

Moving forward in this class, we will have the opportunity to delve even deeper into the fascinating world of anatomy. We will go beyond dissecting frogs and explore a wide range of captivating activities designed to broaden our understanding of the diversity of life. One such activity may involve the use of anatomical models, which will allow us to study and manipulate the intricate structures of various organisms, from the smallest organisms to complex mammals.

Additionally, we will have the chance to examine histological slides under a microscope, peering into the microscopic realm to observe the intricate cellular architecture that underlies the functioning of different tissues and organs. This hands-on experience will help us appreciate the remarkable complexity and organization present at the cellular level.

In our journey through anatomy, we will also engage in virtual simulations of physiological processes. These simulations will provide a unique opportunity to witness and explore the dynamic interactions within the human body. We will be able to visualize how different systems work together harmoniously, such as observing the exchange of gases in the respiratory system or the intricate coordination of muscles in the musculoskeletal system.

Furthermore, interactive case studies will be an integral part of our learning experience. These real-life scenarios will challenge us to apply our anatomical knowledge to solve complex problems and make informed decisions. We will analyze medical cases, interpret diagnostic images, and explore the interplay between anatomical structures and physiological functions.

By participating in these diverse activities, we will not only deepen our knowledge of anatomy but also develop crucial skills that are applicable beyond the classroom. Skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and effective communication will be nurtured, preparing us for future endeavors in the scientific and medical fields.

As the professor concluded their lecture, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for the journey ahead. The captivating world of anatomy offered a refuge from the emotional turmoil I had been experiencing lately. I realized that while Miguel had been overprotective, our connection was undeniable, and deep down, I longed for his presence.

Days passed, and I found myself caught in a web of conflicting emotions. I had been really depressed and felt lonely, and being around friends didn't seem to cheer me up. Seeking solace, I decided to attend a party the following week, without letting Miguel know. I hoped that a change of scenery and some new faces would help me escape the weight of my feelings.

At the party, I mingled with a few cool people and tried to distract myself from my inner turmoil. However, after a few hours, I realized that these acquaintances couldn't fill the void I was feeling. It became clear to me that what I truly needed was Miguel's support and understanding. I knew it was time to confront my emotions head-on.

With determination in my heart, I made my way to Miguel's house, unsure of what awaited me. I knocked on his door, and to my surprise, he opened it right away, welcoming me into his home. As I stepped inside, I took in the peaceful atmosphere. It was a stark contrast to the chaos of the party.

"So, this is your house?" I asked, looking around, trying to break the tension that hung in the air.

"Yeah, I live alone, but it's kind of more peaceful than being at a party," he replied, looking at me with his arms crossed.

Gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and confessed, "I'm sorry, Miguel... I-I was so dumb and didn't realize you were here the whole time. Hobie broke up with me..."

His face contorted with anger, and he blurted out, "¿¿¿QUÉ CHINGADAS??? You went to a party thinking you would get over this fucking feeling? Eres muy estúpida, seriously." Feeling hurt and defensive, I lashed back, "Just leave me alone! All you do is criticize me!"

Miguel's expression shifted from anger to disbelief, and his voice softened as he walked closer to me. "¿¿ERES EN SERIO?? I have cared for you this whole time, and THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?" he said, his voice tinged with hurt.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the impact of my words. I had let my pain cloud my judgment, and now I had pushed away the one person who had been there for me. Regret washed over me, and I couldn't find the words to express my remorse.

"You know what, Miguel? I don't need you," I said, my voice trembling, a mix of defiance and vulnerability.

He stood there, his face a mixture of pain and longing. It was as if time stood still in that moment, the weight of our unspoken feelings hanging heavily in the air. Without uttering another word, he reached out, his hands trembling slightly, and pulled me into a desperate kiss.

My eyes widened in surprise, and I instinctively took a step back, breaking the kiss. "Miguel..." I stammered, my mind racing to comprehend the sudden shift in our dynamic.

"¿Sí, mi tesoro..?" he whispered, his voice filled with a combination of yearning and uncertainty.

Silence enveloped us as we locked eyes, the unspoken emotions swirling between us. In that moment, it became clear that our connection was too strong to be severed easily. The ups and downs of our relationship had brought us to this precipice, where we had to confront our true feelings.

With a mixture of fear and determination, I took a step forward, closing the distance between us. "Miguel, I don't want to lose you. But we need to find a balance, a healthier way to be there for each other," I said, my voice filled with a newfound resolve.

He nodded, his eyes brimming with a mix of relief and understanding. "You're right. I've been overly protective, and it's not fair to you. We can work on this together, learn from our mistakes," he replied, his voice filled with sincerity.

As we stood there, our hearts entwined in uncertainty and hope, we knew that our journey wouldn't be easy. But with open communication and a willingness to grow, we were determined to navigate the complexities of our relationship.

In that moment, we made a silent promise to each other—to embrace change, to cherish the friendship we had, and to explore the possibility of a love that could withstand the tests of time.

a while...

'✵•.¸,✵°✵.｡.✰ TO BE CONTINUED ✰.｡.✵°✵,¸.•✵'

Also on my Wattpad @kenmxaz

[js589]

Today in Everything I'll Never Say, the title starts to become... maybe a little ironic.

(Note that these next few parts are a little short, but there are more of them per side.)

Part 4, Part 6

TAPE 2, SIDE 1, PART 1

[click] I found the job. Penelope Fittes thinks it's all her idea, and I'm happy to let her think that, but I promise you: this is my idea. Ealing's been in the news a bit—you probably know. Fittes keeps sending in teams, and none of them stay for longer than an hour. Honestly, I can't blame them. This isn't going to be without risk. Of course, that makes it the perfect job for us. This one's a real piece of work. You don't even need to have Sight or Listening half as strong as we have, but I honestly think that'll work to our advantage. We're used to gruesome after all, right? There's also some speculation that this ghost possesses some kind of intelligence. Reading the reports—yes, I've read them myself—I think he's just very good at being off-putting. But if I'm wrong, having you there means we'll know. Well, hopefully. I can't lie and say I'm not worried about you trying to connect, but we'll be there and—God, I'm already talking like you've said yes. [clearing throat] I did get George's and Holly's buy-in, by the way. Both for the job and for your involvement. Well, buy-in might be putting it optimistically. Holly seems concerned, but I think more for me if you say no than anything else. I can't blame her for not trusting me when I say I'll be fine if you say no, but I'll muddle through. George… I don't think he's forgiven either of us, really. And when George has his mind set, not much will change it. I hope that, whatever happens, you two can talk. I know that you weren't in the best place to do that the day you left, and I blame myself for that. George wasn't, either, though. He takes a while to process when it's someone he cares about. I have reminded him that he wouldn't open the door when you tried to say goodbye, but I'm still not exactly fully back in his good graces either, so you can guess how that went. [brief pause] Anyway, I'll be over tomorrow. We'll be talking for real. Can't say I'm not nervous, but it's not like I've got anything left to lose with you, right? [click]

[slaveofemma]

10 Years od Slavery - Ch.24

I was rock hard once again after listening Ellie's story about how she had a threesome with Dylan and Megan. I was imagining myself in the place of Dylan, and her naked body on the same bed with another girl. It was a story that is too good to be true, even for someone who is not her slave. When she's finished with her story, I shamelessly asked for one last relief. She laughed, and rejected firmly:

​

"It's good to hear that we enjoy my sex life together babe. But no, a rule is a rule. You had more than you deserve already, didn't you?"

​

"Yeah, true…"

​

"But you're making me proud babe. You're settling in your new role very well. Believe me, we will be very happy together."

​

"I am already very happy to be with you Ellie. And I'm proud of you as well. I'm proud to be with a strong woman, and I'm proud to have the privilege to be your slave."

​

I was really sincere with my feelings. I was calmed down, accepted my role, my fate, my humiliation and started to enjoy it. I was happy.

​

"If you're saying these to change my mind, it's not gonna work. But I believe what you just said. I'm proud to have you as my slave too."

​

"I love you Ellie…"

​

"I know."

​

The phone went silent. I resisted the urge to jerk off. And soon I fell asleep.

​

…..

​

The end of summer was already a week away, and I was looking forward to get back to my dear Ellie. It was going to be the last year of college, so I had to start looking for a part-time internship and get myself prepared for the graduation as well. Luckily, the time I spent in the library for last 4 weeks was giving me a great head-start with the actual courses. Even though I couldn't wait to see Ellie again, I was also slightly nervous. I already had a very good idea on some aspects of Ellie's expectations from me, but wasn't sure what it was going to be like to be a full-time slave living in the same house. I was obviously doing all the chores, and "worshipping" her in our own special way, but none of those were new to me. I was also expecting Ellie to be more liberated with her dating life, but also trusting her to be discreet and cautious. I was clear that I didn't want other people to get involved in our special relationship. So, I was expecting her to respect the boundaries we set at the beginning. But I was also very aware of her temptation to push the boundaries, and my weakness to resist her. I was afraid of two most probable outcomes; first being exposed to other people and ruining my social life and reputation, ending up completely destroying my future. And second, failing to keep our relationship alive and losing Ellie (I wanted to add "to someone" at the end of this sentence, but given her very active dating life, that would be unfunilly ironic). So, I decided to have a candid conversation with Ellie once we are together again.

​

Couple days after I listened about Ellie's weekend getaway, I got a message from Nat. She was inviting me out for drinks with our group of friends. I didn't think she was after anything, as there were other people too and joined them. After my usual gym and library sessions, I went to our regular pub to meet with my friends.

​

The night was going well, we were just chatting over a couple pints of beer. Then, at some point Nat asked me to keep her company while she's going out for a cigarette. I didn't think of anything and just went along with her. Once outside and away from our friends, she asked me about how I am:

​

"Hey, sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable but I was worried about you since we talked about… you know what. You are hiding it very well, but you opened up for a second and it felt like you're under pressure. So I just wanted to make sure you are OK. I'm a friend, and just want to help you if you need me."

​

I got blushed, and mumbled some words about there's nothing to worry and everything's fine. She understood how uncomfortable I am with the topic, so didn't insist. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. Even though I was accepting it and settling down, I was going through a serious situation in my relationship, which is affecting not only my present but also my future as well. And Nat was genuinely trying to help a friend. So I thought having a trustworthy friend whom I can speak with and get some advice, and maybe some relief. It could make me an even better boyfriend for Ellie, if Nat can help me with some good womenly guidance. I was also trusting her enough to keep it strictly between us. Eventually, I decided to open up to Nat about what I'm going through and get her guidance. And I texted her.

​

We met in a calm coffeeshop the next afternoon. She was eager to listen to me, but also kind enough to tell me that I shouldn't talk about anything that would make me upset, and we can talk whenever I want. But she also asked me to keep it stick to the reality as much as possible, so that she can understand it truly. So, I slowly opened up to her. I started with the first night -the one I came in my pants- and afterwards. Ellie's obsession about out special connection, how she loves the idea of me staying virgin for her, and in general we staying virgin for each other, and how we became a perfect couple who do not have sex but does everything on the border of having actual penetrative sex. I also confessed that I was giving her oral sex quite often, whilst never got one back except some handjobs. Then I asked about her thoughts.

​

"That is unusual, but nothing that is never heard of. I know many people who wants to stay virgin until marriage, or until they find "the one", but you sound like you already found each other. And you're quite sexually active. But still, it's understandable I think. If I wouldn't know what's coming afterwards I wouldn't think of it twice. But you also said that she never went down on you, but you were doing it quite often. Why you did accept such an unfair situation easily?"

​

"I don't know. But, it was like she was setting the rules. And being a virgin boy who found an incredibly beautiful girl was making me so weak for her, so I wasn't challenging her that much. I was happy with being on the same bed with her already. I asked for it several times, but she didn't want to. And I thought if she doesn't want to, that's fine. On the other hand, I was genuinely enjoying with my part so never thought about stopping doing it."

​

"Fair enough. Anyways, so far I can understand why you're frustrated but also there's nothing major to worry about it. But I guess you then learned that she wasn't a virgin at the beginning, and now having hard time accepting it?"

​

I stood silent for a couple of seconds. Nat raised her eyebrows with suspicion.

​

"Not quite like that. I'll get to that." Then, I told Nat how we moved in together and had a pretty much a great life until one day I came back from home late and found Ellie crying. Then, how she came clean to me about what happened in summer break and the depressive next couple days. I admitted that when I was back home to confront Ellie, I was already prepared to forgive her.

​

Eventually, I talked about how we had a fight when I openly asked to have sex since she wasn't a virgin anymore, and how it ended up by me promising not to talk about it anymore while she was making jokes about dick sizes and stuff to rub it my face. I was blushing to talk about such humiliating stuff in front of someone else, but Nat didn't interrupt me at all until I told her the gifts I got for Ellie and me -a dildo and a fleshlight and how it ended up with a huge fight where I learned that they had sex all thrughout the summer, and left the home for a couple days.

​

Nat was visibly shocked. I looked at her, with a hesitation in my eyes. I wasn't sure how it was looking from outside. After a brief silence, she started talking:

​

"Honestly, what you're telling me is horrible. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through it all by yourself. Can understand how challenging it must've been for you, and not being able to speak to anyone. Can I be totally blunt here? I think Ellie is a horrible person. A true sociopath. I wouldn't stay in such a relationship for a second but I am not here to judge you. I'm actually here to support you and your choices. You have nothing to be embarassed to."

​

"Thank you, you're so kind."

​

"But tell me, how did you really feel? After she was evidently happy about getting a dildo and made all that jokes, but freaked out when you got yourself a fleshlight?"

​

"Awful. But I couldn't stay angry to her. I still can't. I don't know why. Maybe I have a screw loose, but I always went back to her, and apologised."

​

"Maybe that's your thing then? There are many kinks outside and this is one of them. I know people being turned on by being humiliated."

​

"Do you think I'm humiliated?" I was upset, but I knew that I shouldn't be, as Nat was just stating the obvious.

​

"Not like that. Let me get this straight; I'm not bigoted. What a person enjoys in a sexual relationship does not determines his value. So, what happened to you, doesn't mean you're humiliated. Yes it's sexually "humiliating", but it means nothing outside of your bedroom." She did the quotation mark sign with her hands while saying "humiliating".

​

"I get what you mean. Thanks"

​

"No need for thanking me. I'm not trying to relieve you I'm telling what I'm thinking. What makes you valuable is what you do for people around you, how you make them feel like. Or what you've achieved in your school, or professional life. Having a semi-open relationship, or humiliation kink, does not make you even slightly less or more valuable."

​

"It's really relieving, thank you. I never thought about it in that way."

​

"Again, no need. I also thank you for trusting me, and being open. I'm happy if I was be of any help. But I want you to be sure about one thing; Do not get manipulated. Or let's put it that way, do not let yourself to go in a situation where you don't enjoy what's happening at least some level and just feel bad about it. If Ellie tries to push something you are sure that you don't want to, but you feel like you're obliged to, that is manipulation. Have borders. Or, if you don't have any borders, think about it very carefully, and make sure that you are happy about it."

​

"Will do."

​

"And please don't have any doubts about me. I won't tell a soul. So, is that all or will this story get more interesting?" She said with a smile on her face. I was also much more relaxed knowing that she is not judging me as a person, and I am not doing anything wrong. I was feeling like accepted for the first time.

​

"Well don't doubt that it'll get more interesting." Then, I told her the rest of the story. I couldn't believe that we were laughing together how silly I must've looked while I was kissing Ellie's foot and begging for her to fuck someone else. I was thankful to Nat.

​

The summer break was about to end.

[kaerichan-yatta]

KAERI MERRY CHRISTMAS~!

Don't mind me running to your inbox when you announced that requests were open. I've been having the worst obey me brainrot and I couldn't help myself akdhjsjdjs

So, could you please write anything with lee Levi?? He's my absolute fave! Feel free to choose the ler x3 And no pressure ofc!

Have a lovely day!

Top priorities chart

(Levi, Mammon & Lucifer)

Summary: a brand new game finally came out, and Levi had been waiting for it since weeks. However, as soon as he starts playing, it becomes his first priority, bringing his brothers to worry about him gaming for days straight. But no worries, Levi's top weakness against videogames is here to help!

A/N: GDHUAJDUS I'M SO SORRY I'VE MADE YOU WAIT FOR SO LONG😭 my health got in the middle and messed up everything and i even thought i had lost your request cause i was worried i accidentally canceled the fic💀but nope it was safe in my drafts ehehe. (ALSO MERRY -REALLY REALLY REALLY- LATE CHRISTMAS even if we already exchanged wishes many times lmao)

A/N2: also ignore me brainrotting about lee!levi with a hyper sensitive arms and spine and being L O U D when being tkled...

Hope you like it!! Enjoy!<3

"Oi, Satan. Where's Levi?" Mammon asked, his mind clearly up to something silly with money involved.

"I don't know, probably in his room playing videogames, as usual I'd say..." he answered, his eyes still fixed on the book he was reading.

"Again? It's been a whole day...damn. I wonder what he finds so interesting about gaming for so long"

Even if this was his idea, he went down the corridor, opening Leviathan's door without permission.

"Ah, little brother! Guess wha-"

"GAHH! OH NO, NOT AGAIN!" he screamed, both in pain (metaphorically) and for the nearly heart attack he had from Mammon's sudden entry into his room.

"Woah, what was that for?! What are you screaming about, I did nothing wrong!"

"YES YOU DID!" he pointed at the screen "Look at that! You scared me and I lost the match!"

Mammon's expression changed from surprised to annoyed.

"...really? That's my fault?"

"Yes!" he sighed. "Just, just leave me alone! I gotta play another match to win the final tournament!"

"But I needed to talk to you!"

"Later, c'mon! Don't make me lose again!"

Mammon closed the door behind his back, leaving his room. "How rude...!" he said to himself.

meanwhile, in the kitchen

"Lucifer, it's been two days and Levi still has been gaming non-stop" Beel said, adding carrot slices to the soup he was cooking for the dinner.

The eldest rubbed his forehead.

"There's not much we can do, however. I think you all know how Leviathan is made, and what he thinks about this"

"But it will have an extremely negative effect on him!" Asmodeus added, taking plates from the drawer, and taking one for Leviathan too, still hoping he would come at least for dinner.

"Oi, Lucifer, how about we go checking on him after dinner? He must be scared if it's you!" Mammon said.

"I doubt that, but for once I'm in with your idea"

~

"Levi, are you still awake?"

"Of course he is..."

"Ah, yes sure I am! Come in but be quiet" he sounded really nervous.

Lucifer opened the door.

"Levia-"

"Shh!"

Lucifer's eye twitched, he and Mammon looked at each other, then sat down on the floor at each side of Levi.

"That's it, that's it! Aaah! That's the boss! See how big and strong he is but HAHA! I prepared the best team ever and I won't let ANYONE and ANYTHING destroy my perfect path!"

"Why is he pointing out words...?" Mammon whispered to Lucifer.

"Well, you know how he is"

"Uh...stupid?"

"Hey, I heard that, Mammon!"

Lucifer and Mammon exchanged another look, both of them clearly annoyed by his behavior.

"AH- C'MON, 4TH MOON GUARDIAN! TIME FOR THE FINAL ATTACK!!"

"Levi, could you-"

"Bless of the New Moon!"

"Levi-"

"Have a taste of my sword!"

Lucifer almost gave up in trying to convince him turn down the console volume.

"THAT'S IT! AHA! I WON!"

"Leviathan...could you at the very least try not to scream so much?"

"What are you talking about?! I just won the ultimate tournament!"

"That's not the point...I think you need to revise you priorities" Lucifer said.

Levi blinked. "Huh?? Priorities?"

"Yes, in fact, you've been in your room for-"

"Oh, wait! Final showdown, I forgot! I gotta do this!"

"He's not even listening to you, Lucifer"

"Ah, see? How can that game be you first priority?"

Then, an idea popped into Mammon's head.

"Hey, Lucifer! Guess what I'm thinking about" he looked at his brother, his gaze playful, craking his knuckles.

"Well...that could be a good idea"

They closed up on their brother as he was keeping on playing, unaware of what was about to happen.

"Eh, Lucifer. What was that you were talking abAAH!" he suddenly arched his back, missing a button on the joystick, his character jumping instead of attacking.

Lucifer simply kept on poking and squeezing his sides. "Mammon, do you remember?"

Levi's character began to run all over the ring as he lost control of his own fingers, the cause? Mammon's fingers tracing along the inner side of his arm, going up to his armpit, then back down, and again.

"Ah, no! Sorry Lucifer, looks like I forgot...! Levi, can you remember?"

Levi immediately blushed, his character now jumping off the roof and dying. "NOHOHO! GAH- COHOHOME ON!" he laughed harder Lucifer's fingers found their way under Levi's shirt and scratched at his ribs.

"W-WahAHAIT! It W-WAHAS about p-priohohoritIHIHIES?!"

"Ah, right. I think you didn't exactly understand what are your top priorities, Levi. That's why we came here" he stopped for a moment.

"Guh- haah! Ehehahaha! W-whahat do you mehehean?!" he squirmed and giggled as Lucifer still slowly tickled his ribs, making him ten times more nervous about the conversation.

"You've been in your room for three days now, skipping meals and sleep, because your top priority was the game. But that should be less important than your health"

"B-buhuhut! The gahahame just cahahame out! And I was s-so excitehehed!"

"Ah, you're not even trying to understand!" Mammon paused the game in the middle of the fight, which was probably going to be a loss for Levi, since two more of his characters had died.

He tackled his brother down, sitting on his legs, scribbling at the sides of his tummy. Oh, a really bad spot.

"GAHAH- MAHAHAMMON!" he kicked his legs behind his back, shaking his head and trying to block his wrists, but his efforts got stopped by Lucifer blocking his hands under his knees, fully exposing Levi's arms.

Now Levi was in big trouble. Each of his brothers knew how his arms were sensitive.

Scribbles, feathers, tracing, even kisses from his beloved MC could get him there.

"OH NOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEASE NOHOT THAHAT!"

"I'm sorry, Levi. But I'm firmly fixed on the topic before" he brought wiggling fingers down.

"NOHOHOHO!" he twisted his torso, in a desperate attempt to free himself, but it was useless. Tickles could weaken him in no time.

"This is were it gets you for good, hmm?" Lucifer said, tickling the inner sides of his elbows.

"GUH- AHAHAHA! Q-QUIHIHIHIT THAHAHAT! IT TIHIHICKLES!" his laughter rose as Mammon started digging his finger into the back of his ribs.

"Well, that's the point. Since you wouldn't try to follow the conversation, that's one of the easiest way to make you" Lucifer said, in a slighty smug tone.

"NAHAHAHA- PLEHEHEASE! TH-THAHAHAT'S TOO MUHUHUCH!"

"Too much already? Aw, you're seriously that ticklish?" Mammon teased.

"S-STOHOHOP THAHAT! GAH- I'LL LIHIHISTEN! AHAHA- JUHUHUST STOHOHOP!" Levi pleaded.

He panted heavily, his eyes closed, his face red.

"Well now, Levi. Are you ready to follow the conversation?"

"I t-think I am..."

"Good. First, I want you to know gaming must not be your priority, even if-"

Lucifer was almost immediately stopped by Levi.

"But Lucifer! This game is super- no, hyper! Hyper important!"

Lucifer sighed. "I suppose I have to resort to forced measures..."

...

"T-thihihis is insahaAHAne...." he laughed.

The current situation was indedd insane. Leviathan down on his stomach, Mammon sitting on his lower back, and Levi's shirt up so his back was uncovered.

"Let's try to convince you this way, shall we? So, top priority is health, then studies"

Mammon wrote "Health" on Leviathan's back, letter by letter, with his fingertip, giving a little tickle here and there just to tease him more. Levi kicked his legs and tried to muffle his laughter behind his hands.

Then, he wrote "Studies".

Leviathan's body spasmed as Mammon wrote the "S" and the "U".

"Then let's see..." Lucifer said.

"M-MC! MC is a p-priohohority..." he spat out between his giggles, the position he was in making it hard to take a proper breath.

"Right, I see you're starting to understand. Add that one, Mammon"

"W-whaHAHat about gAHAHames?!"

"Well that's one of the last I think...or maybe I could bring that one up...alright, that's a bonus"

Mammon wrote "Games" over his back, sending Levi into hysterical laughter.

And among all the priorities he was listing, Leviathan himself took a mental note about another priority. A good one that would probably save him in the future.

"Always listen to your brothers whenever they're feeling mischievous enough to tickle you to pieces!"

[biiigpurr]

Somnophilliac

PJM x Male Reader

This is from our book 'Dark Desires' on Wattpad.

Disclaimer:

MATURE M x M CONTENT

This is a oneshot that contains content of an adult nature. 

If you are easily offended or are under the age of 18, please do not read. 

This scenario is intended for adults of all sexualities, genders, and types.

Reader discretion is advised.

Don't spread hate in the comments.

❝ Somnophilia: a paraphilia that causes someone to get sexually aroused by a sleeping person ❞

You couldn’t lie… You’ve dreamt of this moment, but never thought it'd become reality.

-1st Person-

Hyung’s soft body, next to mine. The only thing keeping me from touching him is this damned hotel blanket and sheer willpower.

I was hella nervous and worried if anyone knew what I thought about my favorite hyung. 

Is it wrong of me to think of him like that, especially my best friend? None other than, the member of our boy group that I dreamed of, our one and only Park Jimin, who's also my roommate. 

Being in the public eye about 18/7 since we debuted 7 years ago, we couldn't explore our sexuality and we were always sexually frustrated. We felt so horrible, so constipated with horniness, and we had to figure out how to express it in our own ways.

My dreams started when I was 19 and Jimin was 20, during the Wings era. We were practicing the dance for BST that evening, all of us stretching. 

Jimin caught my eye as he stretched, I couldn’t help but watch him. It was something about how his thighs and ass looked in the jeans he was wearing that turned me on suddenly, causing me to have a not-so-little problem downstairs. 

He was extremely flexible as well, so it caused me to have even more dirty thoughts. I had to excuse myself for a few minutes, saying I had a stomach ache when really, I went to the bathroom to get rid of my problem. Shockingly, as soon as I saw Jimin, I got hard again.

>>>>>

It has been almost 4 years since then, and now we are making a new comeback. It was getting way to fucking hard to avoid my newfound feelings for Jimin, especially since we share the same bed and he often liked to cuddle me.

Of course he did it unconsciously, but it was still effective. What made it even harder was that I had somnophilia, so things weren't the best for me even when Jimin was asleep. I just knew he wouldn't feel the same way I did about him and would be weirded out by my condition, so I kept my mouth shut. 

I didn't want our 6, almost 7 year friendship to get awkward because of my feelings, or even worse; he'd leave the group and call me a “faggot”. Even though I knew he hated that word, you never know when someone could say it to you.

"Y/n ah, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop mumbling, please?"

I heard Jimin whimper as he turned around in our bed to face me, seeing me with the small light on my book as I was supposed to be reading, my shoulders against the headboard. "Oh... I’m sorry, hyung. I didn't realize I was mumbling. I didn’t mean to wake you." I smiled softly, bowing my head a bit as I went back to reading my book. He smiled as well and wiggled over, resting his cheek on my lower stomach.

I wasn't too bothered by it, but his chin was literally on my crotch and I begged myself not to get a boner. If I did, all my fears would come true. I didn't want to lose Jimin, we had been through so much together and he meant so much to me. 

If I lost him, I don't know what I would do. 

I was majorly depressed even before I joined BTS, and the pressure of being in the public eye, debuting and performing started to take a toll on me. Jimin was always there to cheer me up, and even brought me sweets one time because I had gotten mentally scarred by a girl throwing her panties in my face… 

I had to sit out for the rest of the Love Yourself Tour.

I let out a small huff, going back to reading my book. I couldn't focus though, considering Jimin kept on moving and brushing up against my crotch every now and then. I started to space out again, my eyes peeling from my book to Jimin's perfect, fluffy head of hair. They’d then travel down his back, stopping at his waist where the blanket laid. I looked down at his sleeping head, I could feel his mouth ajar.

"J-Jiminie hyung, wake up."

I stuttered, shaking his shoulder softly. He let out a small whine, moving his face down to my crotch and rubbing his cheek against it. "J-Jimin, get up." I blushed even more, trying to pry his face off me. "You know you like it, Y/N-ah. You like me touching you, don't you?” Jimin looked up, his eyes hooded as he squished his face against my stomach, his lips shining with chapstick and spit. 

They were so pink and plump, making my mind think of dirty scenarios I knew I would never be in. “I know about your somnophilia. Frankly Y/N ah, it makes me even hornier for you." Jimin’s words shocked me, my mouth falling open. 

1: I thought he was asleep, and  2: I can’t believe he knew, I never told anyone. 

"H-How did you-."

"Oh, Y/N ah, you’re so naive. We've known each other for years. You’d think we'd figure out we were masturbating to the thought of the other." Jimin softly rolled his eyes, sitting up and straddling my waist. "H-Hyung, I-I-." Once again, I was cut off by him. "Just shut up and accept the fact that I’ve liked you too, for a long time." He hummed, grabbing my cheeks and pulling my face to his, our lips molding together in a rough but passionate kiss.

Jimin took the book out of my hand, throwing it somewhere in our room and wrapping his arms around my neck. He rested against my chest and started kissing down my neck, leaving multiple dark hickeys. "H-Hyung, everyone's going to see those..." I whispered, my cheeks flushed a bright red as I tightened my grip on his hips. 

"Who cares? You're mine, I want everyone to know that. What better way than to mark my territory, hmm?" Jimin hummed in my ear after pulling away from my neck, kissing me again and biting onto my bottom lip softly. 

I was about to return the favor before he suddenly leaned away and took off my shirt. He pushed me back down onto the bed, making his way down to my pajama pants. You could clearly see my erection, considering I wasn't wearing any underwear. He chuckled when he realized this, tugging down my pants and immediately taking my length in his hand. "J-Jiminie-." I whimpered. 

"Shh, Be quiet. Understood? The others are still asleep."

He flashed me a devilish smile, a dimple appearing on the right side, which quickly disappeared as he started to jerk me off at a fast pace. I gasped softly, leaning my head back on the headboard and closing my eyes. I moved my hand down to Jimin's shoulder, tracing my hand up his neck and into his hair. I tugged at it a bit as he continued to jerk me off faster and faster. 

I gasped sharply, letting out a small groan after he wrapped his lips around my tip. He immediately took me whole, bobbing his head, his hand pumping whatever he couldn't fit in his mouth. The visual I was receiving was extremely gorgeous that I wished I had my phone to record it.

"J-Jimin-." I whined a bit after a few minutes, feeling my orgasm near. He suddenly pulled away, putting my member near his face and jerking me off again. "Fuck- " I grunted, cumming on Jimin's lips, chin, and cheek. I felt myself remaining hard as I saw his expression, his eyes hooded with lust, his lips a bright red and a soft blush on his perfect cheeks, my cum still on his face. "Fuck, Jiminie hyung."

I groaned, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand and wiping off his face. He smiled softly and moved away from me as soon as I was done, his fingers toying with the trim of his underwear. I groaned as I saw his underwear, he was wearing a black lace jockstrap. 

How did I not fucking realize this? 

He giggled softly at my reaction, quickly pulling them off and straddling me again. "No prep?" My eyes widened softly as I saw him reaching back and felt him grab me, quickly making me stop him. "I played with myself earlier in the bathroom, that's why it took so long for me to get back." Jimin smiled, earning a hot blush on my face and a nod from me. He began to lower himself on me, the tip of my member slowly entering him. "So B- Big!" He stuttered and gasped, eventually stopping when I bottomed out.

Jimin suddenly began riding me, his thighs pressed against my hips. I groaned as I placed my hands on them, gripping his soft plump thighs as I watched his hard erection bounce. He hopped up and down on my length. "You're so pretty, hyung." I mumbled, looking up at his lewd face. 

He smirked softly, digging his nails into my chest as he sped up his hip movements. "T-Thank you, Y/N-ah." His smirk suddenly dropped as I snapped my hips up, immediately thrusting into his prostate. "FUCK, Y/N-!"

Jimin whined, trying his best to calm down his moans as I thrusted into him over and over again. "I’m gonna cum!" He gasped, causing me to snap my hips up one more time before he came. “Y/N fuck me until you cum, Baby.” My eyes widened. “R-Really?” Jimin giggled and laid down with his chest in the sheets. I sucked air between my teeth as I smirked and got on my knees positioning myself behind him. He bit his lip as he watched me push inside him. 

“FUCK!” I leaned forward and grabbed his shoulders, bringing his back to my chest, “Shhh. Don’t need anyone hearing us, Hyung.” I whispered, “Mmf!” He muffled his moan as I bucked my hips into his ass, a lovely skin smacking noise echoing into the room. “Damn, hyung. Your ass feels so good.” I moaned softly as he started pushing his hips back to meet my thrusts. “I’m going to cum, hyung.”  I stuttered as my thrusts became sloppy and sped up.

He rested his shoulders on the bed and smiled as he began to twerk faster. I rested my hands on my hips and let him fuck himself. I gripped his hips and slammed him against me once more before pulling out and cumming up and down his back. We both laid onto the bed holding each other close and peppering little kisses on each other.

"Round 2?" I asked.

“In the shower?” Jimin purred.

[oddballwriter]

Could I get a writeup of the reader’s first time with Evan? ❤️ I just need me some sweet, wholesome, praise-filled goodness for my submissive heart. The reader is pretty nervous, Evan is also kinda nervous, the whole thing is just awkward and sweet, and Ev is just a really nice first sex experience for the reader ❤️ (I’m she/her) :]

🔞NO PEOPLE BELOW 18+ BEYOND CUT OFF🔞

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Warnings: Smut. Reader is a virgin and this would be their first time. Protected sex (wrap it before you tap it, folks), P in V, fingering (reader receiving), reader loses their virginity. Reader with afab anatomy,

Author’s Snip: I was going to write an actual whole thing for this but idk I was writing this in chunks and for some reason I couldn't get myself to actually get myself to write the actual full on smut part past where I got with the writing. I'm sure you wanted a whole thing, anon, but I just couldn't bring myself to fully write the rest 

Notes: I did in fact have brainrot for this do not worry 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

You didn't really register that you and Evan were getting into 'might end up having sex' territory while making out during a marathon of a movie series. You were on the third movie, which was considered one of the lesser movies out of the whole series, but don't worry the fourth one picks up on the quality, or so Evan said when you started watching it. But half way through it, you both got bored and started kissing, which of course lead here.

In all honesty, Evan and you had gotten frisky while making out before, but neither time lead to any actual fucking. But usually one of you would become aware of where the two of you were heading. Whenever you did you would get nervous. It would be your first time, ever, after all. Which there's no shame in at all. When it came up at some point with Evan, he said that that was perfectly fine and that he understands. You actually think that when he opts out, it's because he's nervous about being your first time and trying to not force it to happen.

It's not that you didn't want to have sex with him, don't get it wrong. You thought he would be a great guy to have your first time with. It's just that the nerves kicked in on the idea of actually doing it. But then again, how do you start it without actually beginning.

So when Evan said "Do you maybe want to...", with the awkwardness of the fact that he had practically crawled on top of you very apparent in his tone, you were aware of how far you two got again. "Want to what?" you asked, like an idiot, even though you knew what he Evan was meaning to say. "I mean- It's okay if you don't want to do this. But I'm just saying," he explained as he got off of you. He talked fast. Clearly his nerves were starting to get to him. "If we do... end up doing this, I think it would be better to do it on a bed instead. I don't want your first to be on a couch." Evan recommended.

"Yeah. You're right." you agree as you raise yourself up from your former make out position. Evan made a quick face that seemed a bit shocked. Oh he took that as you wanting to actually go there. "Are you sure? We don't have to if you don't want to yet." he remarked before you said your response of "No, I want to." a little bit too quickly after he proposed the choice of not going through with it.

"Okay," Evan said as he grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

The shuffle of getting the blanket that you two were under off, getting up off of the couch, and walking to Evan's bedroom was awkward for sure. As cringe-worthy as it felt, you knew that doing it for the first time, both for a person and in a relationship can be awkward. Especially when you guys are aware of what you're about to get up to and not just letting it happen in the moment.

Evan closed and locked the door behind you so that you two can have a sense of privacy even though no one was there to potentially walk in on you two. You took the initiative to make the first move into initiating this whole thing by kissing Evan where he stood with the same energy and manner that you were on the couch. I mean, if you wanted to start up the motions again, might as well do what lead to the idea of it. Evan didn't seem to mind, only really getting caught a bit surprised until he started to get into it too.

You lost track of how you two were moving as you stood there and made out. The only things your brain managed to catch was you wrapping your arms around the back of neck, one of your hands moving into Evan's hair, and Evan moving his hands towards your waist and hips. But at some point you felt the back of your knees make contact with something. Evan's bed. You turned your head to look at it and not accidentally fall onto it and do some type of cliché, but that just caused Evan, who wasn't really paying attention, to kiss your neck on a spot that made a completely different part of your body react. You stifled the moan that you would have made and make your attempt to actually get onto the bed.

You leaned backwards and propped yourself on your elbows. The pull away made Evan realize that you two had made it to your next mile mark towards where you were trying to go. Evan pulled back, looking like his brain was trying to process what to do next. You took on the role of initiating again by leaning forward enough to keep balance and took off your top. You just kept up your actions of taking yours clothes off but you could hear and see Evan doing the same in your peripheral. At some point you had taken off your pants and just about to take off your panties, but Evan placed his hands on yours to stop you. You look up at him, wanting to see any sign that maybe he changed his mind on doing this after all.

"Hold on," he spoke before trying to sneak a gulp to sooth his nerves, "Can I?" he asked. You, understanding, nodded and propped yourself on your shoulders again to allow him. He game you a nod and a nervous smile before hooking his fingers around the strip of your panties and slowly pulling them off of you.

You could see on Evan's face that, for a moment, seeing what was down there for the first time blind sighted him. You knew that it wasn't anything bad, but you were still a bit scared and squirmed a little, to which even picked up on. "You're very pretty." he commented before moving out from where he was between your legs to get something in his night stand drawer. When he pulled his hand out of the drawer he held a condom packet in it. "Wouldn't want your first time to be a reckless one." Evan laughed, very nervously. God you could tell that he was just as anxious about this as you are, possibly even more.

Evan gazed down again for a moment before looking back up at you again. "Is there anything you want me to do before." he asked, "To... prep you." he clarified.

You nodded.

"Um..." you mumbled as you thought of what you wanted him to do. The thought of a few things came to mind until your thoughts came to one specifically.

"Maybe you could touch," you said, "At least just to get me used to having something... being there." you clarified. You tried to be came but your nerves were really going crazy and your voice had actually shook a bit as you spoke. "Hey," Evan said, softly. "You're okay." Evan reassured. He leaned forward and gave you a gentle kiss. "I won't do anything you don't want." Evan whispered to you. "I want you to feel good about trusting me to do this." he comments.

With that, he moved his hand between you legs and letting his finger glide gently along the sensitive skin and flesh. You let out some shallow breaths as a reaction to what you felt. That continued to happen with Evan looking down and working on you. After a while, you had managed to become wet enough that Evan was able to have his fingers slightly moistened by it. He then started to gather the slick on his fingers more.

(Here's where I couldn't actually write so this will be like in how I do hc stuff but I'm writing with the intent of continuing the story)

He looks up at you for a moment and would ask if it was okay if he could place his fingers inside of you

Once you give him the okay he starts off slow when putting one in, letting you get used to something actually penetrating. Of course it stings because your isn't used to something like that

He would press kisses on you and whisper about how good you're doing and shushing you

He lets you scratch at him to deal with the feeling as he slips in a second and then actually starts fingering you

Evan just lets you get used to it and watches you to make sure that the stinging is turning into pleasure

He keeps going once you start enjoying it. He's sweet talking you saying things like "There you go" "That's it"

He actually lets you have an orgasm because he doesn't want to make you have to beg for more or something more

But once you came he takes his fingers out and lets you get off the high before he gives you what you came in the room for

He slides in slow since a dick is a different size from fingers, but he knows you were wet enough for it not to hurt, he still lets you get used to it though

In all honesty, he knows that you might be game for anything he could give. But he'd be damned if he didn't keep his promise of being good to you

He does loose it a bit but he actually just rambles about how good you feel and how great you're doing

"Fuck, this feels great." "You're doing so good." "You're taking it so well."

After you both finish, he gives you some of his spare clothes to wear and puts on new clothes himself, he'll put them in the washer for you and you can keep the spares for as long as you'd like

He makes a joke that you should probably watch the rest of the movies, but he knows that you're most likely tired from your first time, and two orgasms, so he just gets in bed under the covers with you and falls asleep

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

Chapter 29

This chapter is so bad I swear but I wanted to get it done for people and I hope you like it..

Comments are most appreiciated

George's POV

A few hours after we had done what we'd done we were both sat with each other quietly just studying our own stuff with each other's company, it was peaceful and it really helped me having him there just the extra person to give you comfort, studying in my own got really boring and it was really starting to drive me insane but while he was there with me it helped a lot , every now and then I'd catch him mumbling little things to himself like "nah man your an idiot", or simple sums trying to work out his maths problems a few times I did notice him get a little frustrated and upset so I helped him through a couple of solutions on how to fix them because I know maths can be challenging and he's told me before that it was something he didn't like, but in turn he'd helped me through my English literature paper which I am eternally grateful for. Even though I was enjoying the peace and we were both getting work done there was still a little problem itching at the back of my brain that I needed to ask about. I was just scared to ask incase it wasn't my place too, but I think he could tell because in the last fifteen minutes all I'd done was stare into space or directly at him and he'd caught me a few times

"Hey my love , can I ask you something"

"If it's about maths darlin, it should be me asking you?" , I know for a fact he knows what I'm going to ask him so he's just trying to make light of the situation before it gets a little deeper

"No my love , I need to ask you about the other night" , I visibly saw him tense at the question and he dropped his pen in the desk and scrubbed his face over with his hands

"What about it gorgeous?"

"Can you tell me what happened"

"Nothing happened really , it was just a bad day", At this he picked up his pen and tried to concentrate on his work again but I could tell he was a little nervous, stressed out maybe and I don't want to be the person that causes that for him but I also don't want him to feel like he can't tell me how he's feeling. I don't want to push it I know he'll tell me in his own time but I'm worried for him. For now I just let him concentrate on his work it'll keep him focused for now but I know I'm going to worry about him. Getting back to my own work will be a challenge. I try I really do but it's hard and I can't seem to focus on it and I know he's watching me "George"

"Yeh?"

"I'm sorry, I know you worry about me but it's just if I tell you, you'll just worry more and I can't do that to you"

"My love , I understand it's difficult for you but I need you to hear me out here, we're talking and we like each other right , you would be worried if I was in the same position as you right ...", I pause for a second to let him answer which he does with a small nod. "You'd want me to tell you what was going on yeh ?" , he nods again slightly looking more sheepish and shy. "We'll then you understand that if I'm asking how things were it's because I need to know and of course I'm going to worry but it's important I know so I can help"

"I know you wanna help , it's just complicated Georgie, and I would tell you but I don't really understand why it happened , other than I was really deep in my own head"

"We'll we can start there , what were you thinking about , what was going on your head"

"There's just always so much going on my head all the time , I can't shut it up you know, it's so hard to feel comfortable when you can hear everything that's going on and theres just so much pressure in my head and it feels like I'm going to explode if I don't shut it up, and if I do explode I just get angry at everyone and I hate that , drugs or alcohol are the only way I know that makes it quiet for a little while , I can lose myself and feel like I'm not actually in my own body for a while" , Matty had shoved his books out of the way and was resting his face in his hands while his elbows dug into the desk that he was working at.

"What did you take?, it's okay if you don't want to say", I think I probably know the answer since it was only a few days ago when it happened last but if I can be more knowledgeable about how to help him when he's on a come down then it'll make things a little easier for him.

He looks a little uncomfortable, fidgeting in his seat "Coke, but I drank a bit too and I think my body just kind of shut down, because one minute I was okay and the next I felt like I was dying and that's never happened before , like you know the panic just over took me and I couldn't breath, I just thought we'll this is it , for a second I didn't mind which is the scary part"

"You...you don't ....you don't really wanna die do you"

"Not right now I don't no, but in the moment I didn't mind for just a second, I'm not going anywhere though darling I promise , I just find it hard sometimes"

"How does it feel when your on a come down , from what I know about drugs there's always a come down" I'd moved over to my bed at this point my work completely forgotten about, the bed being more comfortable.

"I either get really clingy to people cuz I'm in pain or I'm just angry and I hate that. It usually happens a couple hours after , Ross is really good at dealing with me he's been doing it a long time loads more times than he should really, I mean I'm always clingy so I'd understand that he can deal with that but when I'm angry he deals with it so we'll I couldn't ask for anyone better"

I know Ross is his best friend but I still couldn't help but resent him a little, it's maybe even jealousy that he gets to be with Matty as much as he wants he can just go see him anytime he likes, sees him at his best and can help him through his worse. Ross is amazing from what I've seen over the weekend he's a wonderful guy and I'm glad that Matty had someone but I'm just envy him a little. I must be thinking about it harder than I thought I was because Matty pulls me out of my thoughts "Georgie ??"

"Mmm?"

"What're you thinking about darling? , you were very deep in thought just then"

"I just wish I could be there , wish I could be the one you could rely on when your feeling like that"

"Trust me if you knew how it was really , you wouldn't want to even be near me, it just makes everyone around me upset and it's so bleak and dark for ages" I can see his eyes have begun to look glassy and I really don't want him to cry right now because it'll break my heart.

"My love trust me , I wanna help no matter how dark it gets . I'm here okay, We can talk about something else if you like" , I notice him shrug but only minutely if I wasn't paying close attention I wouldn't have noticed at all.

"No it's okay , I'm seeing my doctor on Monday so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk about it"

"We can do something else for a while though if you need , watch a movie or something take your mind off of it , maybe watch some more game of thrones I know we liked that " I watch him look up from where he'd been boaring a whole into the floor and faintly smiles at me "would you like that love ?" , Matty nodes calmly and wanders off to his bed and brings me with him as he settles

I let him get comfortable as he pulls his duvet around him even though it's only 3pm and cuddles up with his cozy cardigan again then I set up the show for us so he doesn't have too and can just stay settled up in his own little world "you look so cosy my love ", he just smile at me sweetly and nods to me as the show begins , the theme tune breaking through my room brings me a lot of joys , I know I've only just watched a few episodes with him but this feels like our thing and it makes me happy as well as the fact I can see it makes him happy aswell , he's so cute just softly bobbing his head along to it the episode plays as we both lay there basking in the events of the show , stealing glances every so often like we usually do. As the next episode begins I can see his eyes start to drift closed as he grip on the cardigan looks to be getting tighter. It makes me smile to no end watching him lose himself to sleep and not fighting it.

"George", I wasn't expecting him to speak as I thought he was half asleep and looked to far gone to even acknowledge that I was still there

"Yea my love?", I was also not expecting the next words to fall out of his mouth.

"I'm scared" , hearing that leave his lips as he drifts of to sleep makes me pause the show and sit up a little straighter. So I can concentrate on him and him only.

"Of what my love?"

" my brain", this comes out as more of a sigh mumbled as if he's not even aware he's speaking, sleep talking maybe but I still have to check if he really knows that he's talking

" why?"

Matty rolls over to lay on his back still gripping his cardigan his hair slowly falling over his face as he shuffles around to get comfortable. He must have been sleep talking as I don't get a reply, my first instinct was to text Ross to see if he's knows if Matty talks in his sleep. So I take out my phone and find him on instagram

George : You bro , does Matty talk in his sleep by any chance

I busy myself doing more work and cleaning my room while I wait for Ross' message, I pick up the pile of dirty clothes and bring it down to the kitchen leaving it in front of the washer as I'm not finished taking things down. Next to come down is the dirty coffee cups and a few plates that I haven't brung down. I bring the hoover upstairs with me when I go back up, I put my side of the call onto mute so as to not wake Matty then begin to hoover up my room it's such a mess up here. I never usually let it get this bad but I've been so preoccupied lately , after hoovering up my floor I take the nozzle off and hoover up the dust , ash and nicotine from my windowsill (rank I know I'm sorry ), when I've finished hoovering I take my laptop back downstairs with me to begin the washing and dishes .after loading the washing machine it takes me like ten minutes to wash my dishes leaving them on the drying rack to drip dry, my phone vibrates in my pocket

Ross : I don't know a time the lad doesn't talk, why ? Whats up ?

George : it's alright don't worry, I just couldn't tell if what he was saying meant something or not but it's okay don't worry

I slide my phone back into my pocket and turn the washing machine on, I check the dryer to see if there's clothes in there , there is so I get on with folding them into piles. Matty stirs after a little while, while I'm still folding and he sits up bolt right rubbing his eyes "huh?" , I move over swiftly to my laptop and unmute myself

"Hey hey hey , what is it?"

"G..G....G...George?"

"I'm here Matty , I'm here , what's wrong"

He's still rubbing at his eyes quite roughly , and coughing a little bit. "I think I was having a nightmare but....I don't...I don't remember...falling asleep"

"You fell asleep like 30 minutes ago my love, what we're you dreaming about?"

"It was like I was alive but like also dead and I was just walking around and like when I tried to speak to someone I either couldn't speak or if I could they weren't hearing me or they were just choosing to ignore me , not that scary I understand but it just freaked me out"

"Maybe it's because you struggle to talk to people and you brains just trying to show you how scary it can get"

"Maybe , what are you doing ?" , I know he's just trying to change the subject so he doesn't have to talk for now I'll let him out of talking. I bring my laptop over to the middle island in the kitchen and set it up so he can see that I'm cleaning up and I get back to folding the clothes.

"I just finished cleaning my room, but now I'm just cleaning up for mum"

"Awww mummies boy are we ?"

"Are you not?", the smile he gives back in response , goofy and lopsided like he's a puppy trying to understand humans. "What's that face for ?"

"You really are, aren't you?"

"Am what?"

"Mr Perfect"

[peachesnabsinthe]

Almost Two Weeks of Unemployment

** Tw/cw: This post contains discussions on chronic physical and mental illness. Things that may be discussed include personal medical diagnoses, treatment, and disability. Please be mindful before reading!**

So it has been almost 2 weeks of unemployment for me. It's been so difficult. I didn't think that I would take it so rough.

I did have my doctors appointment on Monday, and I was diagnosed with hEDS and POTS ( I have a whole list of other diagnoses as well, being disabled is SO FUN hahaHagfljsdga). It has been a very, very LONG and tedious process and I'm beyond exhausted. I've honestly been struggling with pretty severe suicidal ideation as well (don't worry, I'm fine, and any fellow folks struggling with this as well, I see you, and I feel you, and you're gonna be fine too believe it or not). I had been afraid of losing my job and my life drastically changing due to my physical health for many years, and now that it's happening, I've been struggling with such overwhelming grief.

However, I KNOW that this is the best decision I made, BECAUSE of the lifestyle changes that I'm going to have to make in order to get back to living more comfortably (and of course to just function in a more healthy/sustainable way). I already have an XRAY appointment set up to look at my neck/shoulder, hips, and hands. I am also going to start the Dallas-Levine Exercise Protocol soon, though I really need to do some research on whether or not I even have access to a Physical Therapist or someone/something to assist me (I'm honestly nervous to do it on my own, I sometimes injure myself just doing basic, low-impact 10 minute yoga videos).

I'm also incredibly lucky and incredibly grateful that my partner, friends and family have been so supportive and kind about everything going on. The majority of them don't know how to handle this, which is understandable because it's a lot and I don't know how to handle it either! I don't need anyone to give me tips or any advice, just them listening and holding space for me is so helpful. I am able to stop working and have the ability and privilege now to JUST focus on my health, and not many people get to do this. My new health insurance situation appears to be good, and I have a new PCP that actually gives a shit about me. And in this godforsaken country and state (howdy Okies), that's a damn good thing! Don't EVEN get me started on a healthcare discussion, I'm apparently not supposed to get too agitated or else my POTS flares up lmfaaaoo so I won't go there.

But yea. It's been rough. This week so far has been pretty intense. It's so hard trying to deprogram myself. All my life I have been told that I'm too sensitive, I'm a baby, you're just weak, it's not that bad, people have it worse than you, etc. and FUCK. ALL. THAT. NONSENSE. Zoë was a sick child, and is still a sick adult, and that's fine! Now I get to do what I need to do to heal myself, and it fucking sucks and seems miserable right now, but I'm alive and I have to keep going. Because there's still things to experience, even if I have to experience them in a way that is different from everyone else. My body and brain will never be like other people's, and that's okay! I get to deprogram and learn how to live my life in a way that will be best for me.

All that to say, if you are also struggling with mental and/or physical illness, you're not alone. and I see you.

[ruminate88]

Free Cell 🃏 (Healing From Emotional Abuse)

In short, Free Cell is a game where all the cards are misplaced and you have to sort them out into their correct piles. So far, healing from emotional abuse has felt that way 😬 Trying to untangle my way out of the lies, the confusion and the mental fog. I have learned so much from watching TikTok but it honestly gets on my nerves too because some of the videos are either hateful, just as cold or they says things like “how to beat the narcissist at their own game” 🙄😲 No…. I don’t care how angry people are. I know all about being angry. I know it sucks to find out someone you believed you loved more than anyone or anything in the whole world turns out to be fake. A person with no personality. A person who just lies non stop. They lie about lying. 🤠 So, it hurts and it sucks but ok, we’re not going to “sink to their level”. They need help and obviously we need help too. I was soooo cold after I was ghosted. I didn’t care about myself or anyone anymore. I only cared about my family but even then I shut them out to a degree and my mom said I pushed her away and wasn’t really talking to her. She still doesn’t know I was ghosted. I haven’t wanted to tell my family anything but I fear I’m going to have to because this “healing process” sometimes feels over my head. 😵‍💫

Also, I wanna talk about the impacts that seem to linger and need your attention. My stomach for one, has been my biggest problem. Everyone around me is upset at how much weight I’ve lost. Some alluded to the notion that I’m purposely losing weight/starving myself and ugh if they only knew. People see me from the outside. They don’t know the internal battles and the hurt. I make myself eat. Even when my stomach feels sick. When I met Jake, he was so intimidating and scary. I had really bad feelings when we talked over the phone. He would yell at me if I was watching tv and not saying much. I didn’t know what to say…. It was awkward!!! He made it awkward and uncomfortable. My whole body was nervous.

THEN to meet cody and he’s saying he’s soooo obsessed with me and I couldn’t eat cuz it was so intense. I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. Cody randomly dumped and that summer I sent him a long text saying I missed him and still loved him… he read it but didn’t respond…. 🤮 I threw up that whole night!!!! Violently shaking and crying! This is not dramatic, I was on vacation with my family and of course I lied to them and said it was what I ate…. They believed me. I never told them I was upset because Cody saw my message but ignored it.

Finally, I meet Andrew it was way different with him. He seemed “normal” for a long time but there were some small things here and there that obviously confused me but nothing so jarring as what Jake or Cody put me through… Wasn’t till Andrew started doing the reward and punishment cycle that I even worried and yet I still ate mostly just not a ton. I mostly lived on Mountain Dew. It was AFTER we broke up that I saw Andrew’s true colors and there was sooooo much drama, I just wouldn’t even think of food. I was on edge wondering what’s Andrew gonna do or say next. His audacity with me was unreal. I remember asking one of my nieces, “Hey… Have I ate today at all???” And she was like, “uh… you don’t know?????” 😳😳 So crazy and scary!!!!! I couldn’t focus on anything but how in the world to make Andrew happy and change the outcome of our relationship. It went further than south. It went to a dark place and I was sooo suicidal and Andrew was more than happy. 😓😓😓

Your body recognizes the stress and danger and totally locks up. Everything shuts down and stops working. Stress can cause you so many problems you’ve never had before. I wasn’t a big person to start with. I only weighed 127 lbs. Also stress can cause you to lose hair, can cause anxiety, depression, severe tiredness. There’s so much to work through!!! I knew NOTHING about emotional abuse for so long and could NOT make sense of Andrew. I didn’t understand why he was suck a jerk to me when he originally was so loving and nice. We were together for over a year. My brain and heart just couldn’t understand or stop hurting. I hurt soooooo much words can’t express. It hurts way less to fall and skin up your elbows. (Not being dramatic)

Covid is what it took to open my eyes. Everyone was getting sick and all these weird symptoms. That’s when I randomly lost over 25 lbs but I didn’t know if covid was to blame or not. Especially when covid “ended” and my stomach continued to act up. I realized before covid I often struggled with different foods. Plus the hair loss… I was on vacation with family when I happened to see for the first time how much hair I was losing in the front. I quickly showed my husband scared and said to my family, “Am I sick??????” Your mind automatically goes to worse case scenario 😫 I wondered if covid is to blame yet again HOWEVER, there is a picture of me and my husband from thanksgiving long before covid and when I actually looked, I already had a bald spot starting…. Wow.

Even in 2021, I can’t stop thinking of Andrew and Cody. I feel obsessed with them in an unhealthy way but I don’t understand it all. I’m ashamed to talk about it with anyone but I can’t explain what’s going on. I start to say out loud “I think they were toxic with me.” But idk what toxic really means…. Seems so extreme and harsh. I hate saying it but it feels right. Finally I started praying for answers and 2022 rolls around. Nothing changed for me accept now I’m obsessively wanting to make TikTok’s and talk about my confusing break up with Andrew but can’t post it cuz I’m afraid what people wil say. Am I crazy???? Did I not understand Andrew??? Why can’t I stop hyper focusing on it and trying to make sense. It was so hurtful that Andrew was a robot and what does that even mean??

BOOM in the fall of 2022, my first video shows up on my feed about, “If their words does not match their actions, they’re manipulating you.” 😳 Okay… wow. Now I think Andrew is a manipulator but why?? Why is he a manipulator? Another few weeks or so and the narcissist videos came flooding in!!!!! It was sooooo much information and extremely overwhelming. I felt trapped watching these videos and I had so much to process and make sense. So in 2023, I made this account to write down everything I could remember that happened to me and then I have read back over it all making sense and understanding. Not enough information takes away the pain, makes me trust myself or anyone else ALSO, doesn’t take away the fear.

If I could be so close to people who mirror me and “trick” me, I don’t feel safe. I don’t wanna go outside by myself. I don’t wanna talk to strangers by myself. It sucks but it’s my reality. My mind continues to look out for danger everywhere I go and my stomach continues to tighten, it’s like my body stays ready to take the next hit. Yet I’ve been so tired not wanting to do anything or truly go anywhere accept to my parent’s house. Even then, I’m forcing it.

Moral of this post, healing takes time. You will sort all this out just like in the game of Free Cell. Don’t give up ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[yourmoonmomma]

*not a reading* Maple may I please ask for your advice? I’ve typed this out so many times and the app keeps crashing on me (what’s going on universe?)

How soon is too soon to get into a relationship? I met a guy at the beginning of the year, we would see each other here and there but it wasn’t until late march that we started talking and after a few days/week (early april) of talking we went on a date. According to him we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend since after the first date, I didn’t know and was waiting for him to make it official even on our third date 😂. Of course, I’m thrilled, he’s so sweet and caring. He always takes me out and plans things based on what he remembers me telling him I liked etc.

But there’s a lingering thought that we’ve rushed and we’ll lose that spark.. I really like him Maple, I guess that’s why part of me is scared to get close to him because I have a feeling we won’t last long and I know for sure it’ll be a difficult heartbreak. According to his friends he’s the type to look for long term commitment, which I’m not opposed to. He’s the type to make decisions with 100% confidence and doesn’t doubt his judgement but I can’t help but feel scared :( No one has cared for me this much, I really don’t deserve him and constantly tell him to feel free to look for someone else, to which he’s adamant that he’s happy with me.

I’m also moving out of the city, not too far, but far enough that I won’t be able to see him weekly. I want nothing more than to stay with him but I’m so so scared that it’s making me insecure.

I should also mention, he’s asked me to meet his friends and go on holiday (just us two) we were going to meet a friend last week but plans changed and i’m meeting them in the summer. I’m super nervous, like, not because of the speed of the timeline but instead I’m worried he’ll get bored of me/realise that I’m not what he wants in a partner or his friends won’t like me. sorry if this was long, just needed to get my thoughts out.

Hi love, of course you can! I'm sorry to hear the app kept crashing omg, that is one of the most frustrating things when you're trying to send a longer message!

I really do think it varies from person to person. Jayson and I met in August (2019), and started dating that October, after only a week or two of "courting", if you will. But I also told him we weren't to post about it or make it a big deal for the first few months, as like a "trial run" that way it isn't like... embarrassing or something if it doesn't last. I think we probably ended up waiting close to half a year before I made any social media posts about him!

He sounds like a very sweet person!! You remind me a lot of myself, from a few years ago, and I know how scary those feelings can be. Especially if you feel almost... unworthy, perhaps, of what he has to offer you. But you aren't, and you do deserve love, regardless of how long it lasts. It can be a really scary concept, to think of letting yourself open up fully and love and be loved, without the promise of it lasting forever. But we never get that promise. And you cannot hold yourself back from experiencing these wonderful feelings because of that.

With that, it is also okay to take things slow! You can talk to him about these fears and concerns you have, maybe he's worried you'll also lose interest in him. Talking about it, and figuring out a path that works best for the both of you, will help a lot <33

Anyway, I just want to say you DO deserve him. And you deserve to be loved. I promise <3