#sometimes I can't believe people *don't* know this

[barcaatthemoon]

fade into you || lena oberdorf x reader ||

lena takes your virginity.

minors dni, 18+, smut warning.

not proofread because i have 30 minutes to get to work and still need to eat breakfast.

the move from manchester to bayern was a big one, but you hadn't made it alone. your older sister keira's best friend, georgia, had transferred with you. with georgia there, you practically had another older sister there with you. and it was great, up until you met lena.

the bayern and wolfsburg games were pretty intense, but you loved it. english soccer hadn't necessarily been physical enough for you, aside from your very heated games against arsenal. lena could match your aggression and put you on your ass if she really wanted to.

at first, there had been a couple of close calls. georgia had gotten herself carded arguing with lena twice before someone said something. after that, you had players like magda and pernille, your team mothers, who looked out for you instead. they were a lot more protective, not even letting the german player talk to you after games.

lena hated the way that they watched over you like a hawk whenever she was around. all lena had wanted to do then was talk to you, and she had to wait months before she finally had a good chance to do so. georgia had tried to step in to "protect" you whenever lena approached you after an international game against each other, but she wasn't nearly as intimidating as magda.

"(y/n)!" lena called out as she chased you down in the tunnel. you froze on the spot, unsure of what lena could have wanted with you. that game had been difficult to say the least. tensions had been high, and several players on both sides had gotten a little sketchy with some of their tackles and challenges. "do you mind if we talk for a minute?"

"you want to talk to me?" you tried not to sound so surprised, but you couldn't help it. lena nodded as she extended her hand towards you. georgia looked a bit angry as you took it, not noticing the looks from leah, lucy, and your sister behind her.

"i'd prefer to do it alone," lena told you as she led you away from everybody else. "i've wanted to talk to you for a long time, but there are always other players around. your friends don't seem to like me too much."

"they are protective. we have a tendency to go a bit harder after each other than anybody else," you pointed out. lena couldn't argue with you on that one. she admittedly did play a bit rougher with you than she did with other players. however, lena knew that sometimes that was what it took to stop you from trucking through their defenses.

"i like how you play. i can't wait to be on your team." lena rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. you studied her for a moment, just long enough to be distracted by her features. your eyes bounced all around her face and body, shamelessly checking her out a bit. "before that, though, i'd like to get to know you better. maybe we could go on a date when you get back to germany?"

"why wait that long?" you asked her. lena looked surprised, like she couldn't believe that you wanted to spend time with her so soon. "i won't be drinking with the rest of the team tonight, and playing cards in my sister's room can wait. you guys leave tomorrow night, and i think that leaves just enough time for us to go out together for a night."

"the whole night?" lena asked. you were quick to shake your head, but refused to elaborate any further. lena didn't know that you were a virgin, she couldn't have. not a lot of people actually knew that, and while you had been told that it was nothing to be ashamed of, you couldn't help but feel like you were lagging in your age group.

"i'd like to see where things go first. hooking up isn't really my thing," you said quickly. you hoped that it came off casually, but you knew better than that. you weren't that lucky, not when it came to relationships. you had only ever dated one other person, and it had ended so badly that you kind of thought you'd never date again.

…

naturally, as your relationship progressed, lena eventually learned about your lack of experience. she had been kind about it once you told her. a lot of things that you had done over the past few months made sense to her. lena had known that you were shy, but now she understood why certain things messed with you as much as they did.

"good morning." lena greeted you with a kiss as you walked into the kitchen. it was her first week in her munich apartment, and she had asked for you to stay with her. the two of you had been together for nearly half of your first season at bayern. now, you'd get to play at the same club together, so she would be there to keep you company instead of georgia.

"this isn't good for my german," you told her. lena shrugged it off and wrapped her arms around your waist as she pressed several kisses to the side of your face. "i really do want to learn, lena."

"liebe, you are doing fine with the german. relax, we practice together every single day. rest your brain for a morning, it will be fine," lena said. you sighed as your body sank back against hers. you hadn't been with lena for very long in the scheme of things, but you knew for sure that you were in love with her. keira had once told you that love was a feeling that often took you by surprise, and your feelings for lena had blindsided you early on in your relationship.

the two of you had expressed your love for each other in words before, but you wanted to do more. you wanted to give yourself to lena fully. the thought was beyond terrifying for you, but you also knew that lena was trustworthy. she would take care of you, just like she had been doing for months. more than that, you trusted lena fully and wanted to show her just how far your trust reached.

"what are you thinking so hard about?" lena asked you. her voice was full of concern, breaking the blissfully relaxed energy that had been filling up her room. you had been ready to tell her exactly what you wanted, but when you opened up your mouth and looked at her, your words died out on the tip of your tongue.

"i want-," you paused, unsure of whether or not this was the time. lena would never push you towards anything, but you hadn't considered whether or not she wanted sex from you. everybody around the two of you had made a teasing remark here or there about sex, only to be shut down by an extremely defensive lena.

"it's okay, take your time." lena pressed a kiss to the top of your head as she pulled you to rest against her chest. you gave yourself a couple of moments to relax where she had guided you. once those moments were over, you shifted so that you were sort of leaning over her. "everything okay?"

"yes, i just, need to ask you something. lena, i'd like to have sex with you," you told her. lena's normally expressive face went completely blank as she stared at you. a wave of panic overtook your thoughts, but lena didn't let it get far enough for you to retract your statements.

"this is a big deal, are you sure liebe?" lena asked you. it was true, this was a big deal for you. some of your teammates had tried to play it off as something that didn't matter, but to you it did. lena knew this, and she had been fully prepared to wait until marriage if that was something you had wanted. a part of her hadn't expected you to want to talk about it again so soon, but she was glad that you trusted her.

"yes, of course i am. i love you, and i want to show you that," you said sheepishly.

"there are other ways to show that you love someone. it's not like i can give you this experience back if you decide that i wasn't the right one." for a moment, you thought lena was trying to talk you out of having sex. that idea was promptly snuffed out whenever you finally looked her in the eye. lena looked almost to tears, but there was no sign of anything other than joy on her face.

"i'm sure. i want you, and only you." lena had never heard you speak with such confidence or conviction before. you were shy, always keeping to yourself or your very carefully selected circle of friends. "just, please remember that it's my first time."

"always, we will take it slow," lena promised you.

…

neither you nor lena had really brought up having sex again for the remainder of your stay with her. you had assumed that lena had forgotten, not that she was working on making the last night of your week together so special. for the most part, you had been completely oblivious until she was practically shoving you out of the house to go shopping with sydney and laura.

they were nice, but still very much lena's friends. you had a lot of fun with the girls, who had definitely talked you into spending more money than you meant to. by the time that you headed back to lena's, you had enough things to fill an extra suitcase.

"lena?" you called out into the apartment. it looked empty, but lena had obviously cleaned and rearranged a few things. you could see the table set very romantically, and you wondered for a moment if you missed some sort of anniversary. all of those thoughts were practically thrown out of your head when you saw lena walk out of her bedroom. "you look amazing."

"i know that we did not talk about this before, but i really want to be with you before you leave. only if that's okay with you," lena said. she brushed a strand of your hair back behind you ear as she stepped into your space. there was never an invasion with lena, she was always welcomed eagerly with open arms.

"i'd like that. i've been thinking about it a lot," you confessed. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. something told you that lena would have kissed you either way, but this kiss felt different. this kiss built to something bigger, something that your body had been anticipating for a couple of weeks now.

lena pulled back from the kiss to lead you to the table. you sat there a little awkwardly by yourself while you waited for her to return. lena had obviously put a lot of effort into the meal, preparing things that you recognized as supposed aphrodisiacs. you noticed the distinct lack of alcohol at the table, which lena explained away as not wanting anything to possibly taint the experience.

"how are you feeling?" lena asked you. she leaned back against the counter as she watched you put the last dish in the dishwasher. you had fought her about leaving the dishes in the sink for tomorrow and cleaning up, but lena relented in the end. she had rinsed a few of the pots and pans before you were even home anyway, that was enough help as you'd accept.

"nervous, but in a good way. i trust you though, just show me what you like i guess," you told her. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. this one was soft and sweet, a gentle press of her lips against yours. the next couple ventured away from that territory, right up until lena was pinning you against the counter by the kitchen sink and kissing you absolutely breathless.

"i'm going to find out all of the things that you like. maybe it'll take more than a night, but we have the rest of our lives to figure everything out." lena picked you up with ease and carried you into her bedroom. every part of the house had been done up for tonight, so it shouldn't have come as a shock to you to see the candles and flowers all over the room.

"you spoil me. what if i want this every time we have sex?" you asked her.

it was a teasing question, but lena answered you with complete sincerity, "then i will do this every single time. there is nothing i wouldn't do to make you happy."

"i love you," you told her. lena blushed as she pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"i love you too," she mumbled. you threaded your fingers through her hair and lifted her head up so that she was looking at you. she repeated herself, suddenly a little afraid that you hadn't heard her. you pulled her in for another kiss, opening your mouth almost immediately to welcome her tongue.

lena dropped onto her knees on the bed to lay you down gently. her body quickly covered yours once again, and lena slotted herself in between your legs. the two of you had laid like that before, but now it felt different. both of you knew where this was leading, and while lena would assure you that you could turn back whenever you wanted, you knew otherwise.

you were grateful for lena taking her clothes off first, even if you had been head over heels for the outfit. it was rare that you got to see lena out of her kit or the sweats that she liked to wear around the house. and while there was little hotter to you than lena walking around in a tank top and sweatpants, the black slacks and white button up that lena had worn for tonight drove you a little crazy.

however, you were glad to not feel quite so underdressed for the occasion. you hadn't changed from the jean shorts and t-shirt of lena's that you had worn out for shopping. lena had barely let you go whenever she saw you in her shirt that morning, but you had compromised with her by cuddling on the couch until laura and sydney came bursting through lena's apartment doors.

"can i touch you?" lena asked as she motioned towards your bare chest. she was almost completely naked above you, only wearing her underwear. your shorts were still on, lena slowly making her way down your body. your lips were bruised from kissing her, and there were little wet spots from lena kissing along your neck and jaw.

"please do," you told her. lena smiled, dipping her head down to press a kiss to the little dip in between your collarbones. lena's hands massaged your breasts as she littered kisses all over your chest. you could feel that you were wet, but you didn't want to rush lena. as many times as she had told you that this was for you, you had reminded yourself that this was also for her as well. it was your first time, yes, but it was also your first time together.

with each inch that lena moved down your body, you felt your arousal and anticipation grow. you were practically shaking by the time that lena finally reached your shorts. she opened her mouth to ask if you still wanted to continue, only to be met with you impatiently shimmying yourself out of them. lena had the tact to hide her amusement, but you didn't miss the little glimmer in her eye.

it wasn't the amusement that you had mistaken it for. after your show of enthusiasm, lena let her own eagerness be known. the kisses that lena pressed to your hips and thighs were messy, much messier than the ones placed on your chest. lena paused and sucked a hickey onto the inside of your thigh, barely an inch away from where you were practically frothing at the mouth waiting for her to touch you.

"mine," lena muttered sweetly as she ran her finger over the hickey.

"make me yours," you begged her. you weren't sure what had compelled you to say that, but if lena's reaction was anything to go by, it was the right decision. lena grabbed your thighs and held them apart. you heard her swear as she really got a good look at you spread out in front of her.

there was nothing that could have prepared you for the feeling of lena's mouth on your cunt. you had kissed her hundreds of times already, but her lips felt completely different between your legs. you blindly reached around for something to grab until you felt lena take your hands in hers. it was sweet and grounded you, distracting you from your rapidly approaching orgasm.

"i don't want to cum yet," you whined. lena lifted her head to look at you. there was something reassuring in her eyes, something that quelled the panicked thoughts about embarrassing yourself in front of her.

"it's okay, let it happen. it always happens faster than you'd like the first time." lena spoke gently, more so than you had ever heard her before. you closed your eyes and tried to only focus on the way that lena felt as her tongue moved between your folds.

you couldn't stop the moans and all the little noises that normally would have embarrassed you. lena hummed appreciatively at each noise you made, like all she wanted was to hear them again. the focus of lena's tongue switched from just lazily lapping at your cunt to zeroing in on your clit. you felt a finger press against your entrance, rubbing teasingly as if she hadn't planned on actually entering you.

"lena, i think i'm gonna cum," you warned her. lena just sort of squeezed your hand as she continued with a steady pace. lena didn't want to overload your senses, so she tried to keep things going a little slower. she paid attention to every little signal that your body was giving her, helping you reach your peak and work yourself through it.

"you did so good," lena praised as she littered your face with kisses. your cheeks were flushed and your chest was heaving. you had made yourself cum a couple of times before, but it was nothing like having lena touch you. the feeling of lena touching you made you never want to even try to get yourself off ever again. "how are you feeling?"

"i've never felt like that before," you told her. it was a good feeling, but you couldn't quite articulate that yet. lena nodded, seemingly in understanding, and cupped your cheeks to pull you in for a kiss. "i can't believe i didn't ask for that earlier."

"go on to the shower. i'm gonna put the sheets in the wash," lena told you. she tried to move away, but you clung to her like your life depended on it. "liebe, we have to clean up."

"yes, and you can come shower with me. then, when we're out, you can put the sheets in the wash while i pick out something to watch in the living room." lena wasn't going to argue with you, especially not when your plan included a chance to shower with her. you knew that you had won when lena didn't try to argue with you, so you pulled her out of bed and towards the bathroom. your legs were a bit shaky still, so lena held onto your hips to steady you the whole way.

[sanguineterrain]

your most recent jason fic has me in a bit of a chokehold and its bc you do so well with the dialogue and the banter!!

HONEYLOVE???#?*×& i need to be physically restrained (i appreciate your fics respectfully)

anyways, the fic has me thinking: imagine it's the same reader, but they know Jason's alive and they're back to being friends again (skipping over the drama of "YOU'RE ALIVE?!?" "yea lmao sorry ily tho") but there's this tension now. and since Jason's not working with a mask anymore (and he's slightly more vulnerable with r), it's him who gets flustered and it's r who does the flirting playful banter. maybe it ends with a kiss (˘ ³˘) ?

i'm such a sucker for a flustered Jason and there's something that tells me he gets really weak in the knees for someone he adores >:) anyways, you can always choose to write this or not but a very big, fat thank you if you do

the reaction pics are SO FUNNY i'm glad you enjoy this au <3

jason todd x gn!nocturne!reader. pt 3 of vigilante reader. this is basically reader just being feral over jason :> they speak for all of us, really. love confessions, tension, somewhat flustered jason, more sparring lols.

pt 1 / pt 2

****

Jason Todd is alive. Jason Todd is sitting two feet away, talking about a case.

You can't quite believe it. You went home two days ago and expected to wake up to the whole thing being a dream or the result of a Poison Ivy hallucinogen.

You can't stop staring at him. It's weird. You're being weird. But you can't help it.

Every time you see Jason, you want to look at him for as long as possible. You don't want to forget his face. This new face. Scarred and hardened, but still good. Still loved.

And, well. It's not like Jason's bad looking. Sure, you thought he was cute when you were teenagers. Resurrection makes the heart grow fonder, et cetera.

But now? Now, Jason makes your heart stupid. You can barely contain your desire. It's been two weeks since he revealed himself, and every time you see him, you have to dig your nails into your palms to keep yourself from showing him what he does to you.

Sometimes you think he sees right through you, but if he does, he never acts on it.

"—listening. Yo. Ground control to Major Tom. Are you with me?"

Jason waves a hand in front of you. You blink.

He's unmasked and in a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt and dark jeans—the most comfortable you've seen him, actually. His hair is still wet from his shower.

"Sorry," you say, suddenly zeroed in on the three droplets of water sliding down his neck. "I'm listening. Just looking at you."

"'Cause I'm so pretty?" Jason asks, batting his lashes.

You reach over without thinking. He freezes when you wipe the water off of his neck. Then you tuck a curl behind his ear.

"You should let me blow-dry your hair," you say, taking your time in dropping your hand. "It'll take ages to dry in this humidity."

Jason's eyes have gone wide. Pink splotches bloom on the apples of his cheeks.

"Uh." He swallows. You watch his throat bob. "Thanks. Maybe... next time."

"I'll steal Dick's. He's got the fancy sixteen setting one."

That makes Jason smile. "Hm. Some things never change."

His eyes crinkle at the corners. Fondness swells swiftly in your chest.

You stay like that for a moment, caught in each other's orbit.

Jason breaks it first, leaning away. "Right. You should probably get back to the Manor. Br–the others'll probably think I kidnapped ya."

You shrug. "I quit."

"What?"

"Bruce was getting on my last nerve. I can't work with someone like that."

Jason snorts. "Join the club. Look, I can't say I'm not thrilled that you're stickin' it to the old man. But if this is 'cause of me... I wouldn't be mad if you kept workin' with him. Honest. If that's what you wanna do, don't let me stop you."

"Jason." You rest your hand atop his. "I joined this life because of you. To honor you. You taught me how to help people, not Bruce. You taught me what it meant to be kind, to be a part of something bigger than myself."

To love, you don't say.

"I..." He shakes his head. "You became Nocturne for me?"

You close your eyes, then open them. You've cried so many times. You don't want to stay in your grief any longer. Not when he's right in front of you.

"When you died, I..." You take a deep breath. "Nocturne was something to ground me. I think Bruce recognized that. I think he knew how much you meant to me. He didn't have to take a chance on me, and I appreciate that he did. But I've realized that he doesn't know everything. Can't see what's right in front of him sometimes."

You squeeze Jason's wrist. He sighs.

"God, I'm sorry," he says.

"What're you sorry for, Jay? You came back. That's all I ever wanted."

Jason chews his cheek for a moment. Then he stands, chair scraping the floor.

"C'mon," he says.

You follow him to the living room. He moves the armchair, the couch, and rolls up the rug. He disappears down the hall and returns with two thick mats. He tosses them onto the floor.

"Uh..." you say. "What're you—"

"'M gonna show you what y'did wrong that night on the roof."

"Wow. Can't believe you're still single. Being reminded of my shitty combat skills gets me so hot."

Jason rolls his eyes. "Alright, smartass. Just 'cause you quit the Bats doesn't mean you won't go out there and keep helping people. I know you. The least I can do is pick up where Dickface left off in your training."

"The least you can do, huh? I think you just wanna pin me against the floor again," you say, smirking.

He clears his throat. "That—no."

"No?" You step closer and look at him through your lashes. You're so close, you're touching his chest. "What happened to tying me up 'cause I was out when I shouldn't have been? Isn't that another educational technique?"

Jason's throat bobs. "That wasn't—I was just saying things."

"Hm. That's too bad."

You skip right past him, onto the mat, and hold out your arms.

"Okay. Put the moves on me, J.P."

It takes Jason a moment to craft his usual poker face. When he does, he groans. "'M not an evil Gilded Age financier. Still don't like 'J.P.'"

"But you like me-ee," you sing-song.

He shrugs. "Sometimes. Until you give me a heart attack and run into a burning building."

"Wish I could've seen your face for that one," you say as you steel your shoulders and secure your feet.

"Better you didn't. I'm sure there was a vein or two popping outta my forehead." Jason cracks his neck. "Ready?"

"Lay it on me, big guy."

"You first. Attack me like you normally would."

So you do. You step forward and throw a punch similar to the one from your rooftop spar. Jason catches it, of course. But this time, he locks you in a hold. One leg is between yours, and your arms are twisted behind your back with one hand. Humiliating.

"Dude!" You wiggle. Jason doesn't yield. "Jay, come on. No petty criminal is gonna know how to do all that."

"I know. The point of this is for you to know how to use someone's size against them."

Jason presses his cheek against yours. You tamp down your shiver. You can hear his heartbeat.

"Take a breath," he murmurs.

You close your eyes and breathe. Jason's grip doesn't hurt, but you're frustrated by how predictable you are. How he knows your body. A part of you is missing in not knowing him the way he knows you.

"Alright," he says. "Think. What part of me is exposed?"

"Not the important parts, I hope."

You can feel his eyeroll.

"You're hilarious. C'mon, focus. What can you attack?"

"Um... your legs. You trapped my arms, but my and your legs are free."

"Good." The praise warms you. Being this close to Jason will never get old. "What else?"

"What else? Do you have a tail I don't know about?"

"Sucha wiseass," he says, mouth close to your ear. "Your head. You're still able to move your head, and you're close to my face."

"Yeah, I'm not headbutting you. Out of the kindness of my heart."

"I appreciate that, sweets. Sweep my leg."

So you do. Jason goes down easier than he normally would for your benefit.

"'Kay," he says, once again underneath you. Now you have his hands pinned. "Good. Remember what went wrong last time?"

"You bucked me off like a Clydesdale."

He smiles. "Yeah, okay. So what'll you do different?"

"I'm not in my suit," you say. "I don't have extra weight in my boots."

"No, but you don't need it if you keep my legs apart."

"So that was your plan all along, huh? Perv."

Jason coughs. "Ah-hum... I—c'mon, lock my legs."

You grin and spread Jason's legs, using your knees to keep him immobile.

And then you just stare. This time, it's not because you're thinking about the miracle of resurrection (though what a miracle it is). No, you're just thinking, once again, about how your best friend got really, stupidly pretty.

And how you really, stupidly wanna kiss him.

Jason still looks young, but his jaw is now defined. He's got a five o'clock shadow coming on. His lips are full and pink. Freckles dot his cheeks and nose. The nose that still has a bump from when he broke it during a fight with Riddler.

You remember how he played it off for weeks. Bruce said that didn't even cry. But when you asked if it hurt, Jason had said yes.

You wonder when the last time Jason cried was. You wonder how much pain he's suffered since.

You wonder if he knows he's got your heart in the palm of his hand.

"Hey," Jason says. His voice is soft. Shy. "I lose ya again?"

You shake your head. "No. Never."

"There somethin' on my face?"

"You're a lot to look at," you say. "Pretty, pretty boy."

That gets an undeniable reaction. Jason Todd has never been able to take a compliment. You've been exploiting that all day.

Perhaps you know him better than you thought.

He exhales sharply, like you've sucker-punched him. His eyes dart to you. Waiting.

"Your eyes are green," you say. "Like, mixed. Blue and green."

Jason nods. "I—yeah. The Pit. Changed 'em. Changed me."

You lean in. His gaze flicks to your mouth. You watch his Adam's apple bob in a hard swallow.

"They're still pretty," you say. "Always had pretty eyes, Jaybird."

"Heh, right. Even with this shit?" He points to the scar that crosses over his right eye, stopping at his lip.

You let go of his wrists—not that you were holding them that tightly anyway. If this were a real fight, you would've lost ten times over already. Considering how much of you is touching Jason, you happen to be winning hard.

You trace the puckered white flesh with your thumb. Jason flinches but doesn't pull away.

"Your face could never turn me away," you say. "Never."

He closes his eyes and shudders. "Y'too nice to me. Always so nice t'me. Even when we were fighting. Why're ya so good?"

Your lips are a hair from his now. "I don't know how to make it more obvious, Jaybird. I'm absolutely insane about you."

Jason's eyes fly open. He sees your mouth and his breathing increases. You smile.

"Yeah, want you bad. No place I wouldn't follow you. Do anything for you."

Jason makes a strangled noise in his throat. You grin.

"C'mon, big guy. I'm right here. Come have me, Jay. I'm yours."

Jason soars up and kisses you. Swallows you, really. His hands hold your waist for dear life. You wrap one leg around his.

You nip his lip. Jason whines softly. Delicious.

You grab his face, fingers tangling in his curls. Jason sits up, slotting you against him. One hand supports you on your back, the other on your side.

"God—" He breaks away, just barely. "You're way too good for me. Had sucha... sucha crush on ya when we were kids. Y'so sweet."

You blindly find his throat and bite, hard enough to leave a mark. Jason makes a guh sound. You lick the bite to soothe it.

"Missed you," you say into his skin. "Missed you so goddamn bad, Jason."

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah," he babbles, clinging to you as you kiss up his neck. "Yeah, missed you too."

"Not letting you go," you say, almost snarling. You're angry with want, angry at the world for keeping this from you for so many years. "It's you and me now, Jay, mkay? Gonna be mine?"

"Always been yours," he says, panting. Jason finds your lips again. The kiss is messy, uncoordinated. Full of love. "No one but you."

You haven't fallen behind. You're starting anew.

"Never been anybody but you."

[captain-mj]

Bad dog

Been a while since I did something with muzzles and had an idea

Ghost had come back from a very successful mission, the captured creature had been locked away and catalogued. Another win for him and the fucking scientists.

He lit a cigarette and watched the... things in their rooms and cells. The scientists assured them that none were human, but he wasn't sure he completely believed them. Some were very good at mimicking people.

His personal favorite was A21987028. Or Soap. Scientists liked spouting off that long string of numbers, but Ghost preferred the nickname given. It was like how the dog like creature in cell 483 was named "Riley" because of the collar it had on when it was found. And while yes, she was a little maneater, Ghost still snuck her biscuits and things to eat and she liked him better.

Soap was interesting. Brimming with intelligence, perfectly mimicking a Scottish man, and friendly.

Ghost went to his room and sat with him, likely he usually did. He sat across from him and Soap perked up. The brown leather across his face was the only grim reminder of what he was. Otherwise, he looked normal. Even his clothes were nice, of the latest fashion.

"Hello, Simon." Soap said with a smile, teeth flashing under the brown leather. Same one Riley wore. Same one everything in this building wore but the guards. "Come to chat?"

Ghost shifted, legs spreading to fill out the chair. He looked at Soap. "Another mission. Caught a thing that looks like a mix between a raccoon and a sparrow. Its wings are too small to fly."

"How did you catch it?"

Ghost had speared it like a fish and held it down, blade causing yellow blood to gush out until it had the good sense to stop fighting. He had thrown it in the cage and heard the useless wing snap.

"Used one of those loops on the poles. It hooked around it's neck and i dropped it in the cage. No harm, no foul."

Soap nodded and walked over. There were strict rules on most of the creatures, but Soap was different. Intelligent enough to know that fighting back was futile. Friendly enough to be able to play nice. In the fifteen years there, he had never once caused an incident.

The muzzle stayed, so did the chains around his ankles, but his hands were freed. His room decorated. Books were given to him. A tv. He had plenty of enmities.

Ghost still felt guilty. If he could, he'd let Soap leave. But Soap was not truly Soap. He was A21987028. A thing that had appeared out of the sky and ate flesh.

For now though, it wasn't feeding time. Ghost could be here, with him. In this space.

Soap leaned down and brushed the muzzle against Ghost's mask. Like an animal.

"Simon. Do they listen to our conversations?"

"Don't necessarily listen, but they do record them. If there was ever a need, they'd review them. But you won't do that. You're a good boy." Ghost meant it as a joke. A fucked up version of one, but a joke.

Soap looked at him, that brilliant blue was wrong. It happened occasionally. Soap wouldn't look like Soap. He'd look like someone or something else. Usually they were so subtle, Ghost would be unsure if they really even happened.

"Shame. Sometimes, I want to tell you things. Tell you secrets. But I can't. Things listen."

Ghost had no doubts in his mind that Soap didn't mean the microphones.

"I apologize, Soap. Lights out soon, I'm on night duty."

"Will you come say hi to me as you pass?" That wasn't what Soap really wanted. He wanted Ghost to sneak him food.

“Maybe.” Ghost smiled at him.

Soap brightened considerably. “I’ll wait for you.” He smiled and went around the room, a sway to it.

Ghost left, as always, wondering what Soap would feel like if they could touch without his gloves between them. He’d show Soap the sun. The moon.

Instead, he had to have a picture of them on the wall.

Ghost thought of the dozens of documentaries over space and human history and war. Soap requested to have a documentary over bombs, but they denied him immediately.

He'd do wonders in the human world. But it wasn't human. It was hard to remember that at times.

Ghost made sure before he went back by Soap that he had a candy bar to slip into his cell. A candy bar that was grabbed by a hand with too many fingers.

"Simon?"

"Yes, Soap?"

Soap looked at him, eyes glowing enough so Ghost would surely see him. "I appreciate the time we spend we spend together."

Ghost smiled at him and he could tell, despite the mask, that Soap could see. He pulled away and kept walking through the yard. Creatures tried to get his attention. All hoping that he'll be the one to slip up and let them free.

The night ended like all nights ended. With him turning into his own bed in a different barracks. With Simon laying down and remembering that he's doing good for the world.

He couldn't have been asleep long when the alarms went off. He assumed it was Protocol L at first, a common break they had was that particular one. But then he heard the numbers that followed and realized more than just one had escaped. He grabbed his gun and checked his gear, happy he hadn't taken much of it off, and got out the door.

Ghost put the majority of the creatures back in their cages, safe and sound. Most were intimidated by him, despite being able to grow much bigger than him.

Then his gun came face to face with Soap.

The muzzle was still securely on, but the chains had been broken. "Simon. Don't make me hurt you."

"Think you have the nerve?"

"Come with me. We can go somewhere else. Somewhere just the two of us." Soap grabbed his hand and moved closer. "I promise, I'm really not like the others. I don't want to hurt you.""

Ghost put his gun under Soap's chin. They had about five minutes to leave. "How can I trust it? How do I know you weren't playing the long con?"

"You know me. You love me. i love you. Let's go." Soap squeezed his hand tight. "Please. I want to see the world. See everything."

Ghost squeezed his hand back and made a decision.

[dunmeshistash]

Also important to note that lion can just eat someone's desire to resist him, or desire to avoid hurting someone or any other desire that is against smth that he wants to do and you can't really do anything about it

Yep! The Lion always says he's just "power to be used" and tries to play it off saying he has no way to use his own power for himself. And in a way it might be true (he needs someone to wish for something that will free him) but in another way he's HIGHLY manipulative and uses the dungeon lords however he wants.

That's why I don't really enjoy when people describe Laios' confrontation with him as "The Lion confronts him with his deepest/true desires". I don't believe those are Laios' true wishes at all, those are past traumas the Lion uses against him to manipulate him into wishing to let go of humanity.

I guess it's in a sense the thing about "what you want vs what you need". Sometimes we wish for things we don't really want and desires get muddled when we can't face what we truly want/need.

Laios wish to become a monster comes from a frustration of not being able to fit in, is his wish abandoning humanity or is it being understood? Did Mithrun really wish to steal his brother's lover and never have joined the canaries or did just wanted to feel wanted? To feel like he had worth?

The Lion isn't power to be wielded, he isn't a neutral force, he's a being that hungers and he'll do all in his power to be able to eat and that includes lying and manipulating <3

I think even at the end the Lion misunderstand what a true wish/desire is. He curses Laios so his "Your greatest desire will never be granted". The Lion thinks that's monsters. I believe it's because that's what Laios has dedicated his life to, that's what he knows the most about, that's his biggest comfort, that's his everything.

But he doesn't consider he would let go of that desire for the people he loves, because all he knows is hunger, and love isn't hunger 😔

[friend-crow]

Hey, please know that I say this from a place of love and compassion:

Sometimes what looks like a clique is just a group of friends having fun together and not actually like an exclusive club. As somebody with horrible social anxiety, I can understand feeling left out and frustrated when you see a tight knit group that you aren't part of, but sometimes these things are really not all that exclusive. There is room for more friends.

With that said, I do think that when you have posts that end up being circulated a lot, it's hard not to put on blinders for some of the interactions coming from strangers. Sometimes this means literally muting notifications for a week or two when something breaches containment, or just deciding that you can't put the time and energy into replying to every response to one of your posts. I'm genuinely sorry if I've made people feel like they're being purposely ignored or excluded. In the vast majority of cases it's not personal. It's just a matter of bandwidth.

Believe it or not there are other prominent tumblr friend groups that I'm too intimidated to interact with much. They are not deliberately excluding me, I'm just awkward and don't really know how to initiate friendships.

[viesantewrites]

𝐈𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬

Robert Fischer (Inception) x Reader

summary: This story explores Robert's personality and describes how he met his wife (the reader) who helps him through his emotional struggles.

English isn't my first language so I apologise in advance for any mistakes

word count: 3500+

masterlist

Only the quiet ticking of the clock on the side table and the soft scratching of a pen on paper filled the room. Robert exhaled slowly and looked at his hands in silence.

"You went through a lot in your childhood, Mr. Fischer." The lady sitting opposite him in a dark blue armchair looked at him compassionately over the rim of her glasses.

"Yes, that’s true, madam."

He had told her everything. Everything that had happened in his childhood. It was a strange feeling to open up like that to a stranger, but that was why he was here.

"And you really feel that you were never enough for your father?" his therapist asked.

"I've never done right in his eyes. My grades were never good enough, he called me lazy, and he always accused me of living off his money." Robert sniffled softly. It was very hard for him to talk about all this.

The lady looked carefully at the clipboard in front of her. "But if I read this correctly, you're anything but lazy, Mr. Fischer. You have a master's degree in business administration and engineering and have completed further training in energy management. You're a department head at the energy company Fischer Morrow, and even the deputy CEO."

Robert bit his lower lip. "I know," he said quietly. "But it’s still not enough for my father."

"If I understand correctly, your father is the CEO of the company, is that right?" she asked.

He nodded. "Well, he still is. He's almost 67 years old, and his health is very bad."

The lady looked at him thoughtfully. "Oh, are you going to take over the company completely?"

"I don't know if I'm up to such a big job."

"Of course you are, Mr. Fischer. You underestimate yourself far too much." The therapist leafed through her files. "Let's move on to another subject. What about other people who are close to you? You're married, aren't you?"

A small smile appeared on his face as she mentioned his wife. "That's right. About a year now. We got married last August."

"Do you have any children together?"

"No," he replied immediately. "But I have a daughter with my ex-wife."

She looked at Robert with interest and put the clipboard on her lap. "So this is your second marriage."

He nodded slightly. "My ex-wife and I were married for nearly eight years. Suddenly it was over so quickly. She... she left me for another man."

The woman wrote something on the clipboard. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Fischer. Something like that can also affect you mentally."

"But my current wife is different... She's just wonderful." The therapist noticed how his eyes immediately lit up when he talked about her. "She is an incredibly warm and loving person. I've never felt so accepted and loved in my whole life as I do with her. And she's absolutely beautiful."

She smiled a little. "That’s wonderful, I'm really happy for you."

Robert looked thoughtfully out of the window. "But sometimes I can't believe why she's with me. There are so many other men around who are better than me."

"Maybe because you're a really nice, intelligent and attractive man and she loves you."

Robert's cheeks turned slightly pink after she said that. "I don't know why anyone would love me."

The therapist exhaled slightly and adjusted her glasses. "I can see you've got a lot to work through. You have quite low self-esteem. I'm afraid we're going to need a few more sessions. Mr. Fischer, do you think your wife would mind if we had a talk? I'd like to hear her point of view."

Robert shrugged a little. "No. I think that can be arranged. I'll ask her when I get home."

"This would be wonderful. Just let me know when she's free, you have my phone number." She smiled kindly at him.

And Robert got up from his chair. "I'll do that. See you then."

"Goodbye, Mr. Fischer."

***

She looked curiously at the young woman sitting in front of her. She was a few years younger than Mr. Fischer, had long hair and was wearing a beige blazer.

"How nice of you to come, Mrs. Fischer." She smiled politely at her. "Your husband told me a lot about you."

YN laughed a little and crossed her legs. "Well, hopefully only good things."

"Don’t worry, he's raving about you."

YN ran her fingers through her hair. "You know... I've never talked to anyone like you before, I have to admit I'm a bit nervous."

"Oh, you don’t have to be. You can tell me anything. And if there's something you don't want your husband to know, then that stays between us."

"I have nothing to hide from him." She laughed a little and played with her necklace. A gift from Robert for their anniversary. A little 24-karat gold heart pendant.

The therapist also laughed and pinned a new blank page to her clipboard. "That's a very good sign." She cleared her throat and leaned back a little in her chair. "Right, let's get started. Your name is YN Fischer. You were born in Bristol, UK, and moved to Australia when you were six years old."

YN nodded.

"You married Mr. Robert Michael Fischer in August last year and live together with him in Sydney. You know that he has some problems with himself as a result of his childhood and his, shall we say, troubled relationship with his father. Unfortunately, I can't talk to his father because he's in the hospital and very ill. That's why I wanted to talk to someone else in his life. The person who is probably closest to him—you, Mrs. Fischer. My question to you now is: how do you perceive your husband? What do you think of him? Please be honest, you are not being judged for anything."

YN let out a short breath and sat up a little in her chair. She looked thoughtfully at her red-painted fingernails.

"Well, I think I can say that Robert is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

The therapist immediately began making notes on her clipboard.

"He's wonderful, intelligent, funny... And he’s always there for me. I can't believe a man like him married me."

With an interested look, the therapist lowered her pen and rubbed her chin. "That's exactly what your husband said about you, Mrs. Fischer. Very interesting..."

She looked at her with a smile. "Really? He said that?"

"Yes, he did. But go on."

"Well... Robert has always been someone I looked up to. He always seemed so unattainable to me. He's incredibly intelligent and educated. I met him when I worked in his and his father's company. Almost every woman was secretly in love with him, but at the time he was still married to his ex-wife. I know it all sounds strange because he was sort of my boss. But I only had a romantic relationship with him after he got divorced and after I stopped working at Fischer Morrow."

"That sounds very interesting. Please tell me more about how you met him," the therapist told her.

YN closed her eyes and was silent for a moment. In her mind's eye, she saw the long corridors of Fischer Morrow. It all seemed so real again.

***

"Here's a list of all the tasks you have to do today," YN's new colleague handed her a piece of paper. She glanced at it, her eyebrows rising in surprise as she noticed every inch of the paper covered with tasks. "Wow, Ariane, that’s a lot. It‘s only my fourth day."

"Oh no, I’m pretty sure that you can do this," Ariane said. "The first person to arrive is Mr. Richard Lambert at 9:30 am. He has a job interview with Mr. Fineman from Human Resources. You meet him at reception and take him to room 015, where Mr. Fineman is waiting. Be friendly, smile a lot, it's very important. At 10:30 am, room 461 in the headquarters is free. An important meeting is taking place there between Maurice Fischer, his son Robert Fischer, and some representatives of the Ministry of the Environment. If I've understood correctly, it's about adjusting the emission limits for pollutants."

YN looked tiredly at the page in front of her and shrugged. "That doesn’t sound very interesting."

"You don't have to join the conversation, YN. You just have to prepare the conference room. I've already ordered the catering; it'll be delivered around 10:40 am. You put the drinks and sandwiches on the small side table. Put the coffee pot in the middle of the table. Then wait for the Fischers to arrive. It's best to offer the coffee to them personally. And remember to always be friendly; this is the CEO and his deputy, okay?"

YN looked at her colleague, a little overwhelmed. "My head is spinning, to be honest. I've already forgotten half of what you just told me."

"That's why I wrote it all down for you. You can do this, YN. And if something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world. You just have to be careful with Fischer Senior. He's a bit... strict." She gave her a meaningful look.

"This could be fun," YN sighed ironically and folded her arms across her chest.

"If there's anything, you can always call me. You know my extension." Ariane finally changed the subject. "What kind of training do you have, if I may ask?"

"Me?" YN laughed. "I'm a hairdresser. I don't really have anything to do with all that office stuff. I just wanted to try something new. Maybe I'll like it."

"So, a career changer, how interesting. But you'll manage, I'm quite confident."

At that moment, one of the glass doors opened, and a man in a formal black suit entered the corridor. He was slim, with perfectly styled dark brown hair, high cheekbones, sharp features, and bright blue eyes. His long coat hung loosely over his shoulders, and he typed absently on his phone. He looked very attractive. If they hadn't been in the corridors of Fischer Morrow, YN would have mistaken him for a high-fashion model from Yves Saint Laurent or another well-known luxury brand.

"Who's that?" she whispered to Ariane, who was a little startled and looked at YN with wide eyes when she saw the man. "That's Robert Fischer! Don’t forget to greet him!"

"Good morning, Mr. Fischer." Ariane gave him her best smile as he passed them, and YN did the same.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted them politely, turning his attention back to the phone in his hands.

When he was out of earshot, YN started to giggle. "He looks gorgeous. I pictured a nerd when you told me about him."

"Yes, he’s really handsome." Ariane sighed a little. "He's really nice too, unlike his father."

YN was silent for a moment and then cleared her throat a little. "Is he... you know... single?"

Ariane looked at her colleague as if she had just said something completely stupid. "Are you crazy? A man like him? Of course not. Every woman here secretly fancies him. But he's been married for years."

YN bit her lower lip. "Just asking."

"I think you should go now. You have a busy schedule and the first visitors will arrive soon."

YN finally nodded, folded the piece of paper with the notes, and put it in her handbag before saying goodbye to Ariane and walking on her high heels to the lifts.

YN nervously brushed the sleeve of her blouse across her forehead. Everything had gone well so far. The man who was invited to the interview had arrived on time, and she had taken him to Fineman, the human resources manager, who had been very friendly to her and had thanked her almost five times.

She had then rushed to the car park outside the building, where the catering for the meeting had just arrived, and had taken it to the conference room, which she had fortunately found straight away. Then she had prepared everything as Ariane had explained.

She stood there a little breathlessly, her arms crossed behind her back, with a friendly smile on her face, waiting for the participants to arrive. Finally, the Fischers approached the meeting room.

"Good morning, ma'am, thank you for preparing everything for our meeting," Robert Fischer greeted her with a friendly smile and held out his hand. Trembling, YN took it and looked at him shyly. His fingers felt unbelievably soft, and she lost herself in his bright blue eyes for a second. "What's your name?" His deep voice cut through YN's thoughts, bringing her back to reality.

"YN... Y/LN..." she mumbled, struggling to articulate her own name.

"My name is Robert Fischer. Very nice to meet you."

"There's no need to thank her, Robert. This woman does her job and gets paid for it." Suddenly, a loud voice echoed from behind them, causing Robert to release her hand.

"Dad, please don't say such things." Robert gave her an apologetic look and then walked away to talk to his father. As far as YN had heard, it was about some energy guidelines or something like that.

She stood next to them, a little lost, while she greeted the arriving participants of the meeting. Eventually, her eyes fell on the coffee pot on the table. Wait, hadn't Ariane told her to serve the coffee to the Fischers?

She hurried towards them. "Coffee, gentlemen?" she asked, forcing a smile.

"Yes, ma'am, I would love some," Robert looked at her gratefully.

"With sugar," his father grumbled next to him, flicking through his papers.

YN quickly grabbed the two cups.

"You have nice legs," Maurice Fischer said suddenly, and YN jumped a little, wishing she had worn a longer skirt this morning.

"Dad!" his son interrupted him immediately, looking at him in shock.

"But Robert, I'm right, aren't I?" The older man grinned.

YN pretended she hadn't heard what he said and forced herself to smile again, even though her hands were slightly shaking and sweaty. She nervously poured the hot coffee into the cup and was about to hand it to Robert Fischer when the cup slipped out of her hand.

At that moment, everything happened in slow motion. YN's hand reaching into the void as she tried to catch the cup, the shocked faces of the two men in front of her, and Maurice Fischer, who quickly tried to get his documents to safety. But it was too late. A huge dark brown stain spread across the table, sparing all the important documents.

"Are you crazy?" The angry voice echoed through the room, and she stared into Maurice Fischer's angry face, which was slowly turning red. She felt the eyes of the others in the room on her.

"I'm so sorry, sir... Are you okay? Did the coffee scald you?" She felt tears well up in her eyes, and her vision blurred a little.

Suddenly, a hand rested protectively on her arm, and she looked up in surprise as she realized it was Robert Fischer's. "We're fine; luckily, the coffee only landed on the table."

"Luckily, Robert? All the documents are ruined!"

"Dad, it's not that bad. The most important thing is that no one is hurt and has to go to the hospital."

"She can't even serve coffee! Why did Fineman even hire her? Just because she's pretty?"

Without another word, YN grabbed a cloth lying next to her, wiped the table, dabbed the documents as best she could, looked back at the two men, and muttered, "I'm so sorry," before turning and leaving the room.

She blinked the tears away quickly. She wouldn't cry now. She wouldn't shed a single tear for this company and especially not for this dumb idiot. Sighing, she leaned against the wall and rubbed her forehead.

Of course, it was her fault, but if that old man hadn't said those stupid things, she wouldn't have been so upset, and none of this would have happened.

Suddenly, she remembered Robert Fischer's hand on her arm, and her heart immediately warmed. He had been so incredibly kind to her. How could such a disgusting man have such a kind and lovely son? "Miss Y/LN!" a familiar voice suddenly sounded behind her.

Confused, she turned and looked straight into two bright blue eyes. "I'm so sorry for the way my father reacted. I keep telling him to stop, but he won't listen."

"It's okay," YN said, smiling a little.

"It's really not that bad what happened. There weren't any original documents on the table, just copies. I think the shock was more than the damage itself." As Robert ran his hand through his hair, a loose strand fell onto his forehead. It looked kind of cute, YN thought. "You don't have to worry about him kicking you out. I'll talk to him later."

YN held her breath for a moment and shook her head. "That's really very kind of you, sir... But I think I'll be leaving. This job isn't for me. I wanted to try something else, and I did, only to find that my old job is what makes me happy after all. But thank you for everything. You've been so kind to me."

He lowered his hand and nodded slowly at her. "I'm sorry, of course, but I won't stand in your way. I wish you all the best in your future."

She closed her eyes for a short moment. "I wish you the same, Mr. Fischer. I wish you the same."

***

YN blinked slowly and let out a deep breath. The words had left her mouth as if on their own and her listener seemed totally captivated by the story.

"So you've left Fischer Morrow and returned to your old job as a hairdresser?" the therapist asked.

"Yes," YN said. "I did."

"And what about your husband?" she wanted to know.

"Since that day, I've never been able to get him out of my mind. I've always tried to block him out... But it's like he's always been in my heart."

The therapist nodded slowly and tore a sheet of paper full of notes from her clipboard.

"Fate has brought us together. Robert doesn't believe in fate, but I do. Especially since that day." Thoughtfully, she leaned back in her chair.

"About eight months later, I was shopping alone in the mall when I saw Robert standing in front of a fashion store. At first, I thought about just walking on and pretending I hadn't seen him, afraid he'd still be mad at me for quitting Fischer Morrow. But then I decided to talk to him."

The therapist nodded and folded her hands in her lap.

"He was happy to see me and asked me how I was doing in my new job. I noticed immediately that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring anymore, but I tried to ignore it. We chatted for quite a while, and everything seemed so relaxed. Maybe it was because he was no longer my boss. Eventually, I asked him what he was looking for in the mall, and he replied that he wanted to buy some new shirts and suits, but he didn't know what would suit him." YN suddenly stopped and started to laugh.

The therapist looked at her questioningly. "And then what happened?"

"Then I told him that I had an eye for stuff like that and that I could help him. And he said yes," YN closed her eyes again. Her heart beat faster at the thought. "We started seeing each other more and became closer, and our relationship developed naturally from there. He needed someone to believe in him, to remind of his worth. And I wanted to be that person for him. When Robert's father found out that we were a couple, he wasn't happy at all. I think he was still angry with me after all this time. He also called me stupid and uneducated because I never went to university."

"And... What did your husband say?"

YN smiled a little. "Of course, it affected me. But Robert told me that a degree says nothing about you as a person. He believed that true intelligence lies in passion and determination".

She paused, listening to the gentle ticking of the clock. "We got married last summer. Robert's father didn't come to the wedding. To be honest, I was glad. We spent our honeymoon in Hawaii, and it was the best time of my life. Robert is an incredibly wonderful person, and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Only this man who still has the nerve to call himself his father has completely destroyed his self-image."

YN slowly rose from her chair and straightened her jacket. "I'm done now."

The therapist smiled at her as she said goodbye and placed the clipboard next to her. "Thank you for your trust, Mrs. Fischer."

"You're welcome, madam."

***

thank you for reaching 🤍

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Wait, wait. So. Carlisle is a doctor, right? But. Human Carlisle was a preacher's son. Not a doctor. And. I'm just realizing, I'm sure the books say something about this but I must have glossed over it. Carlisle... as a vampire... learned to be a doctor. Before meeting the Volturi even???

This man just. walks into idk 18th century med school. and is like "Don't mind me I'm definitely not afflicted with a strange condition, let's just learn from these cadavers"

Do you think he did a residency??? Young Carlisle, eating rats in the sewers by night, understudy at some hospital by day. Germ theory wasn't even a thing then! Oh my god I bet he killed people by mistake from infection due to unsanitary hands. Do you think he realizes??

And. And. And. Medicine was a whole different bag of bones back then. The cadavers were often stolen! Sometimes by the teaching doctors! Somehow I can't see this son of a preacher-man digging up graves, but he had to have tacitly condoned it.

What even is this man? I mean we know he's big no judgement with the vampires killing humans, but by god he really doesn't judge anyone does he???

(Any early-Doctorage meta thoughts you have would be appreciated!)

@therealvinelle has a great post that covers pretty much everything you're asking

Oh, anon, the books said a lot about this. I think the movies briefly mentioned it but it wasn't that important to them so they kind of skipped it.

It's to the point where there's not much meta to be had, we pretty much get the whole story.

But yes, Carlisle starts out as a vampire hunting priest, and this does not go well for him. He then has a terrible time trying to kill himself only to find he could eat animals, goes to Volterra, yada yada, then leaves.

So yes, the medical career was pointedly after the Volturi (though Meyer keeps her timeline weird and vague about when Carlisle was with the Volturi and how long, but it seems he showed up there within a few decades of turning if that and left a few decades later)

We learn than Carlisle afterwards pursued a number of things in university, enrolling himself, trying to decide what he wanted to actually do with his life (among these apparently was music I believe) but he eventually settled on medicine.

Carlisle predates doing residencies and just slinks in at modern medicine as we recognize it in the western world (he would have just been starting/been after we decided "actually, we need to cut up bodies to study anatomy"). So yes, there were a lot of things people thought they knew at the time and did that Carlisle would have been caught up in to then learn "oh fuck" later.

That said, we're told canonically that Carlisle often goes back to university to make sure he's up to date with the field, so he's not telling you that your humors are out of whack if you visit him.

But yes, he's a weird dude.

[eerna]

eerna what's going on in s3 bridgerton your posts and answers making me scared to watch on my life lmao

pls don't hate me, Colin lovers, but I was told by a friend who read the series that he's more fun and chill in the books and also i just....find Polin from even s1 is kinda uhhhhh?awkward?? cuz he's kind of unnecessarily serious and so not chill in the previous seasons?? maybe i don't see his appeal because I'm no Penny but i do not see his appeal in the show

so rn i haven't even watched it and seeing your posts is making me moreeeeeee 😶‍🌫️ it's okay give us the cringey details

Nsbysbbsb NO WORRIES!!! I have a weirdly big amount to say about this show bc I am no longer suffering as much as I did in s1 and 2. Prepare for an essay on my feelings on Polin and thank you for enabling me.

Ok so Colin. Not saying your friend is wrong bc I didn't read the book, but p much everyone I saw talking about it said Colin was very angry and aggressive in it, and for NO REASON since he's supposed to be the "calm brother". I'm glad that the show let him get upset, but never the way he was in the books/Anthony was in s2, where I legit worried about Kate's safety sometimes. Colin was my fav Bridgerton brother bc he was totally different from all the other men on the show, calm and silly and romantic.

Thar being said!!! I never ever thought of him as a GOOD love interest, and s3 only made it worse. First off, yeah, s1 and 2 do NOT show him and Pen as friends nearly enough to warrant the speed of their connection in s3. I blocked s2 from my memory bc I hated it So Damn Much so I can't 100% stand behind my words, but I don't really remember many friendly scenes with the two of them that didn't feel like he was just entertaining his sister's bestie? I remember he once danced with her, and he sent her letters from his travels, and that's it. Then in s3 we are supposed to believe Pen knows him soooo well, she sees through his tricks when no one else does, he can't stand losing her friendship when she stops talking to him. How, when the impression I got from their relationship was "oh she is clearly silly in love and he doesn't care about her enough to notice"!!!

And s3... Oh boy. Colin gets his "glowup" and becomes a rake bc Bridgerton writers would probably spontaneously combust if they wrote a virgin male lead. We see him flirt and smash other women and it is always so so so awkward. I've seen people trying to rationalize it as "Oh he is supposed to be pretending, oh we are supposed to find it cringe" but NO, he is objectified the exact same way Simon and Anthony were, and we as the audience are supposes to think it is sexy. To be fair, Pen finds it concerning but I think that has more to do with the amount of silly, vapid women constantly swarming around him. So now we are even FURTHER away from seeing any reasons why the two of them would be friends. And then we get hit with the "Colin teaches Pen how to find a husband" plot, and oh my god it is so bad, IT IS SO BAD, they have like 2 lessons across 1 episode before they are busted and stop and he literally taught her NOTHING she IGNORED HIS ADVICE AND FIGURED IT OUT BY HERSELF but everyone treats him like a war hero for taking one for the team and teaching the poor unlikeable social reject how to act. We also have the stupid scene where she is criyng begging him to kiss her because she is convinced otherwise she would die without being kissed, and he is trying to elegantly avoid it, and oh my god, I hated this, it is framed as cute and romantic but it is so uncomfortable and bad. AAAAAAAA. Anyway. Then there is this hilariously horrible incident where he saves her from a feral balloon, and if you are wondering wtf am I talking about, its because it is really bad and written like a Scary Movie slasher scene. There are exactly 3 moments that I liked, and ALL of them were bc Colin seemed very lost and desperate. First was when Pen told him they should stay away from each other after the scandal of them hanging out came out (which I liked bc if it were any other girl, some unhinged character would force them to marry, but since it was Pen they were like "Well obviously it's true there was nothing untowards happening it is just cringe haha loserrr"), and he looked like he stopped comprehending English. The second was when he was confessing his feelings, he got on his knees and looked like he was about to cry and I thought that was sweet! Well, he did mention torture which is a very ugly word to use in such a speech, but whatever. The third was after the Infamous Carriage Scene when he says something silly and the two giggle together and I was like PLEASE WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY IN S1 AND 2!!

And may I just say!! The actual Bridgerton Glowup one was PEN and NOT COLIN. In s1 and 2 you could tell she was pretty, but in s3 they made her so damn beautiful that my friends and I would go "Oh wow" several times per episode. And it's not only the clothes, they would put her in rooms where she pops out and sparkles and frame her in shots just perfectly. Idk why they only gave her 1 alternate love interest and then shot her Like That, there should have been at LEAST one more guy following in Debling's trail. Now she's the hot one in the relationship so I can't buy her desperation for Colin's approval or society's perception of Colin as a charity in any way.

With all that said. I think this is the best season of Bridgerton proper. It still isn't something I'd enjoy unironically, but at least it is neither a horrible age gap dynamic feat. SA nor a horrible disgusting juggling of sisters feat. murderer vibes. The only thing I'd say is worse than it used to be is the clothes, which are slowly creeping towards The Reign level of ahistorical and bad.

[usagikookiejams]

HAVING A CUTE DATE WITH THEM

Shiba Taiju, Terano South, Ryuguji Ken

A/N: Sorry guys for not updating for long, I wasn't in the mood to write and also due to busy schedule

Shiba Taiju

"Ugh, why do I even agreed to this?," you heard a mumble from behind. You turned around while spotting a large smile on your face, "Come on babe! It's not even that bad, right? I mean.. look at all those cute cats, who could resist them?!." Taiju rolled his eyes on you, sighing, "This does not fit me baby. What if my gang members see me like this?." You just ignored him, knowing that he will follow you nonetheless. Both of you got into the Cat Café; it was obvious who wanna be here and who DOES NOT. Bleh, whatever, he will get use to it. After settling down in one of the tables, you waited patiently for the waiter to get your order. "Babe, look at Bobby. He wants to be pet by you," you alerted Taiju. "Huh? Bobby who?," Taiju looked confused. "Duh? The cat by your lap? Look there babe, he wants you to pet him," you responsed while patting the cat on your lap that was wearing a collar with 'Miku' on it. Taiju looked over at Bobby, seeing those big blue eyes staring at him cutely. The staring contest continued for a few seconds until Taiju heard you laughing. "Hahahaha look at the both of you! So hilarious!," you stated while bringing Miku near your face to kiss her nose. You looked very adorable doing that, Taiju could feel his heart beating fast as if it was your first met again. He sighed, admitting to himself that this indeed was not a bad idea. Mentally noting that he will bring you here again next time <3

Terano South

Well, it was his idea to go to a theme park. Cuz he imagined himself enjoying numerous thrill rides here with you. But never, I mean NEVER has it occured once in his mind that he will be waiting in line for this ride instead. "Omggg! I have not go on merry-go-round for years! Can't wait for our turn babe!," you jumped in your spot. Sigh... yes merry-go-round. Who the hell go on those besides kids? Plus, he is too tall to go there, people will be looking at him weirdly. "Baby, I think I might have to pass on this. Why don't you go while I take a lot of pics of you from here, hmm?," he suggested. "Oh no need babe! I just wanna enjoy this together with you. Pleaseeee?," you looked at him with puppy-eyes. He sighed again, knowing that you are too cute to resist. Welp, it's your and South's turn now, so no turning back. You giddily chose the one that you want to ride, while South just chose whichever closer to you. After a few seconds, the merry-go-round song started playing, indicating that the ride was about to start. South couldn't help but having a very bored expression on his face, knowing this ride didn't give him even an ounce of excitement. That is until he looked ahead at you seeing how you were directing the camera towards him while smiling, "Hye babe! This is fun, right?", you asked him. South observed how you were looking very happy, and also squealed at the ride sudden movement sometime... he doesn't have the heart to deny your question. You just looked too cute like this, realizing this free-spirit personality also was one of the reasons he fell in love with you. South could feel himself started to enjoy the ride too, and he replied yes to your question. After the ride end, you couldn't believe that South pulled you into the line again, perhaps like 2 or 3 times more until you have to drag him from there. Lol!

Ryuguji Ken (Draken)

In both of you guys' relationship, you both normally have mutual understanding on dating. I mean, it was not hard to decide on dating activity or location. However, this... this one is new. Well, you came across an advertisment on pottery. So you decided to give it a try, thinking that the idea seems interesting. That is how you and Draken ended up attending this class, on Saturday morning. "Hwaaa. Baby is this a good idea?," you heard Draken asking you while yawning. "Well, I hope it is. But it's okay babe, we just a few minutes in, so it might be interesting later on," you felt sorry having to wake Draken early for this class. You had to admit that a few minutes in, it was boring. I mean, all you guys had done by now was just the theory class on what is the good clay to use and how to use the machine. After some more dreading minutes of the boring lecture, you guys finally started on the actual pottery designing alongside other participants. Draken just randomly making a design, a simple cup. You came to observe his cup and praised him on how good it looked. That is until you came out with an idea to kinda like 'destroy' it. "Hey baby! What are you doing?," Draken hold your hand firmly. "Hahahaha sorry babe! I just thought it would be better if we write our initial there," you pointed out at the cup. Draken observed them, thinking that hey it doesn't look that bad, it actually looked better like that. He agreed that it looks good, and you couldn't help but feel proud at the idea. That is until you saw Draken ran towards your table to mess up your cup too. "Heyyy!!," you ran after him. The other participants just looked at the both of you in awed, hearing the boisterous laugh at how you both were teasing one another. Draken realized how this simple activity means a lot to him, if he could see you keep on smiling like that <3

[foxglovepng]

Random Headcannons 3 🌼🥀

Requested: naw

Characters: Scarabia + Pomefiore

A/N: I'm getting back into the writing mood yay I'll probably take requests in the future because I am slowly getting over writer's block. I looked up a word in Arabic and if the word is incorrectly translated incorrectly feel free to correct me.

If you liked reblogs and likes are appreciative <3

Kalim

Knock knock who's there? Autism br br br where the hoes at? not here

I love my Autistic headcanon for Kalim. I also saw a headcanon he has ADHD too. (I forgot the word for ADHD and Autism combined help)

When he's unmedicated Jamil is that one meme of Shinji his stress levels are high. He's practically lived with Kalim so he knows he can get hyper although he pushes through it being used to it.

I headcanon Kalim has sensory issues that mainly have to do with touch. (Mine are sound and taste :skull:)

Since he likes parties and is extremely sociable I feel like sometimes he can get overwhelmed he chills in his sensory swing. I also feel like since he plays the drums he does have backup headphones on hand in case it's too loud.

Jamil tends to calm him down with essential oils (Don't ask me what kind he likes I only know Rosemary, and Cherry blossom)

Jamil

Jamil drop the hair routine or I'll break your ankles Sangwoo style so you can't dance anymore. I will even report your music-listening account so you are no longer allowed to play hip hop DROP THE ROUTINE RN JAMIL

This is my no 2 pookie bear I love him sm ANYWAYS

I feel like in his alone time Jamil has his own hobbies he hides from Kalim and will go above and beyond just to have them to himself. One of those I feel like is reading romance books (Not the feral ones booktok gooners read) romance is one of the genres he reads I feel like he also reads fantasy. (He has read Pride and Prejudice)

He'd probably also go to art conventions on his spare time. He has a sketchbook and draws on occasion (I think he draws similar to Hyunjin's style)

Him and Kalim speak Arabic and English although I feel like when Jamil wants to cuss someone out or insult someone he will bring the Arabic out.

*Ace messes up a play*

Ace: so um great play

Jamil: اهبل (Google says this means stupid/idiot)

Ace: HUH?

Vil

*Throws my genderqueer headcannon at you Eminem style*

Gender queer Icon Vil.

If I am correct he is referred to as Queen by Rook?? so I believe Vil doesn't really care for pronouns and just simply exists. So Vil would use any pronouns interchangeably.

Also random headcannon but Vil's father is like..famous right? So I feel like he gets insulted and called a Nepo baby.

Peep Epel and Vil get into a fight and Epel calls him a Nepo baby. Oh all hell is breaking loose.

(I also headcannon he'd make an appearance in Eurovision)

Rook

I need Frenchie to become a slur so I can shout FRENCHIE at Rook 24/7

This man either has a really good memory or a diary in which he keeps info of students. (Their height, weight, UM, etc) its freaky ngl. AND NOT A GOOD FREAKY WAY.

I saw some art of him and Floyd in the bathroom and he was peeking over the urinal. BRO KEEP YA EYES ON YA JUNK.

I can imagine certain NRC students have a group chat dedicated to slandering Rook.

He probably knows about it :Skull:

Epel

Guys this my son <3

I am a firm believer he is an Amish hater.

"I hate the way you talk the way you walk" ahh beat.

From a farmer's perspective I don't think he's 100% vegan, but if you bribe him with bbq he will start foaming at the mouth.

Bro probably listens to Dixon Dallas good looking-

He's also a Dolly Parton and Carrie Underwood fan.

I feel like with people he's close with especially the first years he lets his country accent loose and it will get even looser if someone (or Yuu) has a country accent as well. The rest of the first years will be like "They are speaking in tongues"

[derangedanomaly]

I just remembered chaos has tentacles.

Does he use them often, I mean, I see he isn't seen with it, but I mean, does he like picking up close ones and people who're cool with it?

If so, can we have a little Chaos x Reader where they get picked up by his tentacles?

Ooh, interesting, very interesting 👀

MASTERLIST

CHAOS PICKING THE READER UP WITH HIS TENTACLES

You stared at Chaos with intensity. Or more respectively, his back, where his tentacles sometimes grow. You still wondered about how exactly they work, they're not exactly like Nightmares tentacles, which he uses more than he probably should.

Nightmare uses his tentacles as a weapon, or to scare off people, but you don't see that with Chaos. You can't help but think about it more than you probably should...

"Huh? Something the matter, buttercup?" There he goes again, with his cheesy nicknames. Your cheeks gained a reddish color when he noticed you staring at him for a little longer than you intended to. "Oh, umm... it's nothing, Chaos." He hummed, probably not believing a single word you said, but he's way to nice to actually point it out- or so you thought.

"Are you sure...?" He smirked down at you, leaning down so he can see eye to eye with you.. your height difference definitely didn't help ease the situation.

"Well...*ahem*..I just thought...your tentacles." He gave you a confused look, not understanding what you're hinting at. "What about them?" Oh geez...this is gonna be embarrassing.. "I was just- wondering....how do you use your tentacles? I mean- I've never seen you using them against someone in any way, shape, or form.." he seemed rather surprised by your point, as he looked at you with wide eyes.

That quickly changed though, as he suddenly looked at you with an expression you never saw on him before.. he gave you this rather....dare you say flirty look. "...Can I ask what made you ask this... particular question?" "Wha-" "Is there a reason why you're thinking of my tentacles?" You gulped, now pretty sure your face was boiling hot.

"Well...If there is a more complex answer to this...then.." you didn't know how to feel when he suddenly whispered this in your ear. You felt like you could suffocate any time, but then, he said something appalling. "I can gladly tell you!" He switched just like that suddenly, leaving his flirty look, now looking at you with a wide, excited smile. Was he just... teasing you?! What a flirt!

"O-Ok..then- can you tell me?" He nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! So...I never use them for any means, because I don't really want to depend on them, so I mostly keep them hidden. But I also don't want to hurt anyone.. they sometimes feel like a burden to be honest.." you frowned, and went to hold his hand for comfort. He perked up, and blushed light turquoise.

He smiled at you, tightening his hold on your hand a little. He suddenly smirked yet again. "But you know...there is one way, in which I can use them for..." You looked at him expectantly. "Does it require for me to do something?" "No, but you'll like it.." you flushed red yet again, trying to refrain from thinking of something not so PG...

You yelped when his tentacles suddenly slithered around your waist, holding you up. You looked down at him in surprise. "I can hold things that I like!" Ok, that's it. He seriously has to stop teasing you.

Maybe..he just doesn't even realize the effect he has on you. And you wouldn't even be surprised if it was like that, based on how much he's beaming with joy right now. He's gonna be the death of you one day.

[growling]

*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic

[writergracethepanda]

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

[shiftingconfessions]

TW: Beginner venting!

(Would appreciate advice)

I've first heard about shifting in 2021, but only believed in it in 2022.

My heart was so broken from trauma, depression and Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) that certain night I was just crying and didn't know what to do — then I just remembered about shifting. Belief and hope born from the pain.

Now I'm going to be honest, I'm not the type that can claim they've tried everything for years. I didn't; and what I did, I didn't do it consistently. The thing is: I'm a highly sensitive person. And I sure don't handle failure well. I feel heartbroken and afraid it's going to take more years for me to succeed, every single time I perceive I'm in my CR after a shifting attempt. I know we're always shifting, and a part of us always shifts in the attempts — but honestly? That means to me as much as knowing that technically polar bears aren't white. It can get to the point I feel physical pain in my chest, and sometimes it triggers full blown gastritis crisis. So I tend to give up again and again.

I know I should be patient, stick with a shifting routine, build and fellow a plan assuming that I will shift. I feel like I really believe in shifting and that I'm going to shift — the question is "when". That's what haunts me. It hurts just to think that this will take longer. My CR situation isn't great. SAD engulfed my whole life. I'm 20 and I can't study, work, nor date, and I almost don't get out of my house. My family have bad monetary conditions and I know I'm being a burden. I feel like a failure and the despair grows as time goes by. I'm in therapy and I'm trying to get better, but I still am not. And towards my SAD, yes, I can say I've tried everything, for more than a decade. So just "resolve your CR problems and then come back" isn't quite an option.

I feel so confused. People say shifting is so easy, so why so many people have difficulty with it? This makes me feel guilty for still not being able to. And also makes me so jealous. Guess this is kinda common for baby shifters, the jealousy. I'm jealous of the success and jealous of their skillsets/gifts. Which again makes me feel guilty, because it's pretty icky to desire their outcomes and don't pay the price they did. Well, that doesn't apply to cases where people shoft after little to no effort and time; then I just feel unlucky. When I see posts like "I've taught my friend/sister/brother/etc how to shift and they did!", oh, it's the worse. I get so jealous of these ones, because it really seems so good to be "adopted" by an experienced shifter. I honestly feel like I'm walking without sight; I just know where I want to end at, but the path is a messy mystery.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lazy. It's not like I'm not willing to pay the price of magic — like, common. It's just a little learning and then I'll have the whole multiverse. And although I really am hardworking, I don't say this just about me. I feel like most of us aren't lazy at all; to work is human. The problem is the emotional and psychological part of the journey. The problem is the time. The problem is how long is this process going to take.

"Just be patient and do the right things consistently" I tell myself, but I don't really know how to do that. Not when my heart aches and my CR devour my remaining sanity. And It's such a hard thought knowing heaven is just behind a door I can see but fail to open.

I can understand why people that already shifted see our pre-shift reactions as drama (I mean, is just a tiny bit of stress time in comparison with a life full of shifts). But right now, it really hurts. It really is intense for me. I don't know how to care less, how to feel less.

I don't have any friends into shifting, and I would love to just have someone I trust to talk about it. Sometimes I think I could tell my besties about it; but I know that they'll think I'm just being delusional, escapist and that believing in this is self-destructive. Or worse, they can believe in it and end in a place similar to mine. I plan on telling them when I already shifted, though.

I want to make online friends into shifting, but I'm so afraid people will hate me because I'm currently not the most pleasant company.

.

[butchviking]

i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.