#sometimes certain friends tell me i can't do shit and i can't really change or achieve anything. and it would be so easy to give in and

[burst-of-iridescent]

atla live action thoughts: season one review

first things first: anyone who says the Movie That Does Not Exist is better than the live action is straight-up lying. the shymalan film fails on the criteria of even being a decent movie, let alone an adaptation. the netflix series, for all its problems, is at least an enjoyable watch with great effects, music and (mostly) appropriate casting. there's absolutely nothing to compare here - the netflix version clears easily.

now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's delve into the series, starting with the positives.

the good:

visuals and cinematography. they really did a great job of making it feel like a fantasy universe you wanted to be in & i love how vibrant the saturation and colour grading was. it made the world feel so much more dynamic and alive instead of the same flat, boring dullness that so many movies and shows have these days. sometimes i didn't even mind that i was being fed obvious exposition because at least they were giving me something pretty to look at lmao

effects and action. the bending was surprisingly good for the most part, and they did a good job of making the elements feel unique through the stunt choreography and the actors' movements. i'm immensely thankful they didn't try to skimp on budget by merely cutting away from fight scenes or showing us as little as possible. almost all the action sequences were fast-paced and engaging, and i was never bored watching them

acting. the main four were all great, but gordon cormier and dallas liu have to be the standouts for me. gordon brings such an earnest, innocent sweetness to aang that you can't help but like him, and dallas plays all of zuko's facets perfectly: the angst, the explosive anger, the bratty snark, and especially the deep-rooted pain that characterizes so many of zuko's actions in book 1. the range he has, especially when flashing from younger to older zuko, was insane. special shoutout to maria zhang and sebastian amoruso as suki and jet respectively, because they killed it

music. leaves from the vine instrumental had me tearbending and i love how they kept the iconic avatar theme while making it a little darker for this iteration of the story. in general, the soundtrack felt very true to the animation while still being a fresh spin on it

zuko and iroh's relationship and expanding on zuko's crew. i think the fandom universally agrees that lu ten's funeral and zuko's crew being the 41st division were the best changes in the series, so i'm not going to talk about it further other than to say that these scenes show me what the show can be, and that's why i'm not giving up on it

the bad:

characterization. almost all the main characters are missing the little nuances that made them so great in the original, but the greatest casualty is katara. i hate that they took away so much of her rage, and gave many of her traits and struggles to sokka. i don't think this is a problem solely with the writing though, because certain lines do feel like things animated katara would say, but the directing and line delivery don't have the same punch that made her so fierce in the original. this is an easily fixed issue though, so i hope they take the criticism and let my girl be angry and fuck shit up next season

exposition. this was primarily a problem in depicting aang's personality and the relationship between the gaang, because a) why are you TELLING me that aang is mischievous and fun-loving instead of just showing me and b) the gaang do NOT feel like close friends, mostly because they spend so much time apart in every episode that they have little screentime to actually bond and develop intimacy.

lack of focus on the intricacies of bending. for a show whose tagline is "master your element" the characters spend very little time actually... mastering their element. zuko is never shown to struggle with firebending (which is going to have ramifications when it comes to developing his relationship with azula), and neither aang nor katara ever learn waterbending from a master throughout the the entire show. i'm pretty sure aang never willingly waterbends ONCE in the entire eight episodes, discounting the avatar state and koizilla. bending isn't just cool martial arts, it's closely linked to the philosophies and spirituality of each nation, and i wish that had been explored more.

pacing. they really needed to do a better job of conveying that time passed between episodes because an 8-episode season is just going to FEEL shorter than a 20-episode one. the original animation felt as though they'd truly been on a long journey before arriving at the north, but here it feels like the entire show happened in the span of a fortnight or so because each episode seemed to pick up right after the previous. they needed to have more downtime within episodes instead of just rushing from plot beat to plot beat because it made everything feel a lot more rushed. give the characters and story time to breathe.

final rating: 7/10.

overall, i would describe the live action as a better version of the percy jackson movies - not an accurate or perfect adaptation, but a decent story that's very fun to watch. but what really makes me root for this show to get a season 2 is that it has a lot of potential and more importantly, a lot of heart. it's evident that the people who worked on it do genuinely love and respect the original series, and it shows onscreen.

regardless of anything else, this show created opportunities for so many asian and indigenous actors, writers and creators to tell the kinds of stories and play the kinds of roles they don't usually get, and that's something worth supporting. if they take the criticism from this season and improve, i believe they really do have something special on their hands which - although it might not be the original we all know and love - could still be a story to be proud of.

[tirfpikachu]

as a wheelchair woman who isn't validated by all the terms or sayings in the english language, trans ppl need to start giving eachother the advice to build resilience as a community instead of inciting bitterness against The Cissies and actually accept being the exception to the rule. you need to realize that language, especially language important for activism reasons, doesn't need to completely change to include you in every single area. sometimes someone will say something about walking or stairs or driving or lots of things that i physically cannot do, and at first it pissed me off when i still was feeling jaded about being disabled, but i really did find so much peace after i actually accepted it. i don't think many trans people have actually fully accepted being trans, being different. if it was a close friend i was having a one-on-one talk with, the difference not being acknowledged might feel a bit weird at times, but i would never expect a total stranger to alter their language just to include me. that would feel super awkward and clunky and just feel like trying to pander to me out of excessive politeness. i nowadays understand that sayings and og definitions of terms may not include me... and that's okay!! even as a gay person, in feminist spaces, women will talk about men in dating and it's obviously implied that they're talking about straight & bi men without them needing to specify the straight part every single fucking time. it would be so tedious and unnecessary. i totally accept them using it that way in certain contexts. it took me a while to get there, but i now see it neutrally.

the thing is trans ppl themselves even use sex/agab-based language for the overwhelming majority of people and only ever care when the person is considered too gnc to look/act like a "normie" male/female person. they also will talk shit about men without saying cishet before it everytime, it's just implied, and you can tell from context clues. why isn't that the case with women/womanhood? why can't woman be both a biological sex and also a gender role that some may transition into or wish to? why can't feminists use the first definition, the og version of the term, when talking about generic female issues? why can't trans ppl add nuance if needed, but also sit back and understand that marginalized groups need to discuss things at length and having to insert a billion caveats every single time when using a term that applies to the GRAND MAJORITY of people living as men/women slows down our activism and just frustrates everyone for no good reason? you have to understand that you're an outlier. you have to understand that you're outside the norm. blm activists don't mention people with skin disorders every single time they discuss race dynamics. gay activists don't need to mention trans ppl who live as the opposite sex/agab every single time they talk abt gay issues. female folks don't need to mention male/amab ppl in every single female/afab-specific discussion unless it's relevant. just as trans ppl can focus on their own issues too without needing to watch their tongue excessively to cater to non-trans feelings. sometimes you need to know that you're the exception, and as such ppl won't need to mention that not all people can drive when talking about road accidents, or that not everyone can get the vaccine done in their arms if they're amputees, or that some gay people are ace so they don't need to worry about being caught having gay sex and facing homophobia for it. sometimes you gotta learn that you're not always gonna be the center of the conversation, especially in conversations involving differently marginalized people. bio women & transmasc ppl don't need to mention transfems on issues of abortions or genital mutilation or sex-specific laws. bio men & transfems don't need to center transmascs to validate their identities when talking about the aids crisis, which primarily affected male homosexual people. feminists should be allowed to use women in the biological sex definition, and trans activists should be allowed to use women to mean anyone living as a woman in society.

the overwhelming majority of people aren't trans, and cis/bio women are an oppressed class in huge numbers. so sometimes trans ppl have to learn that men & women as terms are primarily used referring to one definition, while they, as trans people, fit another definition of the words. and that's not the world being cruel to spite you. people of course can be cruel to trans folks; if they purposefully misgender somebody or outlaws adult transition completely and mock trans bodies etc that can really harm someone's mental health. but you cannot seriously expect words like man & woman, words that initially have always referred to body types and were made to facilitate communication between two radically different people with different needs and baggage, to be used with endless trans-related caveats every single time. even trans people themselves often don't do it! same with using they/them for people without them asking you otherwise being called a bigot. that's getting into silliness territory for me. as much as being trans sucks, trans people need to build resilience to being different than the norm. and not just through inside jokes and memes and snarky discourse. they could learn a lot from the physically disabled community, honestly. i know how much it sucks to realize how someone is talking doesn't reflect your own personal experience. but sometimes you have experiences that differ from the norm, and that's okay! you can chuckle a bit and shake your head and move on with your life. it doesn't need to be seen as an attack or make you feel totally abandoned by the leftist community. you won't always be included in every social justice conversation. someone's definition of something might not include you everytime. and it's tiring. it's annoying at times. but it can also be okay. the more trans people try to change the fabric of society to an extreme amount and give extreme demands, the more the world will see them as emotional, impulsive toddlers who are out of their minds. they're actually worsening the image of their movement instead of helping anyone. they're leading to more transphobic prejudice, not less. why not just understand that words can have different meanings? that as long as someone doesn't have bad intent and otherwise is a good ally, them using words meant to make conversations easier and more succinct can be literally no big deal? you can be like "oh okay, this is about cis/bio women" and move on if it's super obviously the case. if you have an interesting insight as a trans woman or a transmasc person you can chime in, but otherwise just read between the lines and not interrupt important feminist discussions.

sometimes you actually do need to desensitize yourself to these things and practice radical acceptance of exactly who and what you are. you don't need to try to tear up leftist spaces and reshape them to awkwardly fit every single micro experience marginalized people can face all at once. you can have different discussions for different things and use words in different ways. having control issues about that is actually making things worse for you in the long run! and making you look pretty dumb to your allies who really are in your corner, but have issues of their own. i don't need people to mention not everyone can walk, drive or work every 5 seconds to include me. especially not on a random post. it would feel weird!! it's okay to not fit every average conversation. you don't need to harass people, especially feminists, into changing their language in every single conversation and make debates last 5000x longer. sometimes you just wanna talk shit about men without having to specify that it only applies to xyz type of men. sometimes you want to complain about being a woman and refer to body issues that typically come with being a woman. sometimes you talk about man/woman dynamics and it'll mostly apply to non-trans folks. it's okay! trans ppl can definitely add comments for nuance if it's of interest, or make their own posts on their own very complex experiences. but you cannot keep slowing down the feminist movement and try to force other activists to do things that are just unreasonable, things that many trans folks don't even do themselves!!

[caintooth]

Okay this is a little weird but I have a DID question.

I had a friend in high school who claimed to have DID. I met several alleged alters and she really would change a lot between personalities, even seeming stronger, having a higher body temp, and having different handwriting as certain alters. She also definitely had a real, terrible childhood that I could see causing her to split off an alter for protection. At the time I was about 80% convinced.

It's been years and we're still good friends, but she hasn't mentioned any alters since high school, and she has also not mentioned being able to integrate some or all of her alters, even tho we talk about mental health often. I haven't seen her be (or at least I haven't noticed her being) any of the alters I would recognize from high school. But I also used to spend almost every day with her and now I go weeks or months without hanging out with her so my sample size is smaller.

Starting a few months after I stopped seeing her every day I started to become more skeptical of her claim to have DID, because it felt a bit too much like a movie to me at the time. Sometimes I could request time with a specific alter and they would show up, but sometimes they wouldn't. It didn't seem like she was someone else without willing it, very often if ever. She had like 3 main alters when she told me about it - a protector, a little kid, and one more I can't remember and didn't see often - and she allegedly acquired a cat alter sometime after that.

I'm split about it now. I believed her for the most part at the time, because she really did seem different, but I also knew that was the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about so I was always mildly suspicious. Now looking back I feel bad doubting her because if she was telling the truth, it would probably really hurt her to know I doubted her. But also that is the kind of thing high schoolers sometimes lie about! I had other friends lie about similar shit. And I haven't seen any evidence in so long and it hasn't come up in just as long.

I've always wanted to ask her about it but I don't want to embarrass her or harm our friendship which is still strong despite this question lol. I know you're not a doctor and it can be dangerous to speculate, but I just wondered what your perspective as someone with DID is?

This is such a strange thing to anonymously ask a stranger.

Are you hoping I’ll tell you she was faking? Are you hoping I’ll validate your assumptions about her inner life? What you have described is incredibly textbook for DID.

To help you understand, let me explain that Dissociative Identity Disorder presents in two ways, typically: overtly, or covertly.

An “overt” presentation is as you were describing her high school presentation— the disorder is easier to see as an outside viewer, because an “overt” presenter has (comparatively) more visible switches between alters, with (comparatively) more noticeable differences between their abilities, voices, interests, personalities, mannerisms, etc.

And so, a “covert” presentation is the opposite of this, where the disorder is not very obvious to an outside viewer at all. Switches may seem seamless, or they may seem to not switch at all. Alters do not have as many outwardly visible differences, may have similar or same voices and mannerisms, may not speak openly about their differing opinions or likes/dislikes.

DID is a disorders which forms, as you acknowledge, to protect the haver from trauma. And because the disorder is trying to protect you, it can shift between “overt” to “covert” presentation as needed.

A system may present more overtly, for example, if some alters are better emotionally or physically equipped for a task than others, if some alters are more likely to be treated in the way the system most needs at the time, if some alters have stronger interests and knowledge about a certain subject, etc. And many systems, myself included, find themselves presenting more overtly simply when they are safe and comfortable with the people around them!

In contrast, then, a system may present more covertly when it is not safe to have visible differences, and/or to help disguise the system as one person. Alters may mimic each other to help keep their differences from putting them in danger, and this can happen so discreetly that the system themself may not even be aware of switching when it happens. This being said, systems can also present covertly just because super visible differences are not needed to keep them safe / if being outwardly visibly different from one another doesn’t serve as much of a purpose as being inwardly different.

Systems can also move between these modes for other reasons besides safety and comfort, but as far as I know, those are the main two reasons. And I want to clarify that this move isn’t, most of the time, a conscious choice. The disorder kinda decides for you.

So, if your friend who once presented very overtly around you and spoke of their DID often, is now showing a much more covert presentation and not sharing details of their disorder with you… I have two guesses.

One, your friend may simply be in a different phase of their life, where they don’t feel the need to share many details of their DID with you. People can decide to be more private about things they were once open about, and there’s nothing wrong or suspicious about that.

Two… Your friend is presenting covertly around you for comfort and safety reasons. Maybe they no longer consider you a person they can openly be themselves around.

You might want to reflect on why either of these reasons might be the case. I am not going to tell you your friend is faking. Everything you described is very typical of DID and, again, I think it is very strange you would come into my ask box seeking my opinion on this, as if you assume I, and very good friends of mine, have not presented in similar ways throughout different points in our lives.

Have you considered, I don’t know— just asking about how her headmates have been doing lately? This is indeed a very weird way to handle your feelings about this.

[cookisugarrdraws]

Okay this is kind of a vent but am I the only one who thought s4 of The Dragon Prince felt really,, off?

Like it was good and well executed and all of this could very well just be a consequence of COVID and Netflix messing with season four's production but something about this season felt really weird. And, truthfully, it's kind of the everything that feels off.

A lot of the characters felt very out of character. I'm sorry but Callum should've been rightfully VERY upset with Rayla. She abandons him on the day of his birthday after he nearly loses her to the moon lake, after she makes a promise to stay with him and get through all of their shit together, and she DOESN'T COME BACK FOR YEARS. And when she does come back, they're suddenly just really awkward but still in love??? HUH??? Did I miss something?? Why are they still in their "awkward, before they get together" phase??? Callum should rightfully be extremely upset with Rayla if not furious with her!! You could have kept them amicable when Rayla comes back! She could be a bit distant but still hopeful that Callum will forgive her easily but realizes Callum is angry and is trying to be kind to her even though he's clearly not happy! Let him tell her off! Why didn't he do that??? You could still have him be nice but there's a bittersweetness to it.

Speaking of Rayla, she felt off too. Idk she just,, wasn't distant enough. You'd think after being alone for years on end she'd be a bit less trusting of others, even the friends she knew. But people change! She shouldn't have been sure how much Callum would've changed. Also her lemur doesn't look right. She noticeably stands out amongst the other characters and creature designs. Bait, although he looks a bit like a plushy, works because he feels like a unique creature to this world. Rayla's lemur just straight up looks like a doll. She doesn't look right. Also she's just a lemur with extra limbs. That's it. And she's kind of purple. Why not get weirder with her and mash her up with another animal? Like a squirrel or maybe a hawk? Idk she just doesn't look right.

Claudia also feels,, very strange. Like yes she's funny and dorky but her antics felt really amped up this season. She feels dumber somehow. And Claudia isn't dumb. She's very smart actually but she can be oblivious sometimes. But I dunno she feels too comedic this season which creates such a whiplash for me. She's the villain and brought her father back from the dead. So why is she so,, dumbed down? Also her boyfriend,, he's fine I suppose? But why would Claudia be dating an elf? HE'S AN ELF. He also doesn't like dark magic?? Huh?? Wouldn't it be more of a novel concept for him to be an elf who also wants to do dark magic? Shouldn't he be in favor of that? Why was he against it? Terry never feels like a proper villain. And outside of dating Claudia, he has no motive to stay with her or her father! He doesn't like dark magic so why is he with Claudia? How did they meet? How did they become friends? What made her like him?? CAUSE HE SEEMS THOROUGHLY ALIGNED WITH THE ELVES in terms of worldviews on magic! Terry also feels out of place in terms of his comedy. The fart joke thing got old fairly quickly for me as well. I get it, it's a kid show, but I dunno it felt a little too much like writer's weird fetish in certain places.

Ezran feels fine though in terms of writing. He still feels in character and like he's evolved. He's wiser and has been ruling as king for a while now. And I like that they kept the friendship with him and Zym the same, that was nice! I just wish Zym could talk now that's he's older. Also, shouldn't he be a bit bigger? Tbh I always thought dragons grew super quickly as adolescents. Ah well, not issues with them. Also Soren. He is still the loml and I can't ever hate him. I do wish he could've bonded with and kept a wyvern though. That would've been cool as hell.

Now for the animation. It was too smooth for me. I love the choppy uneven Spiderverse inspired look of the second and third season so much! But in s4, I could barely find spots where the animation wasn't super smooth. The colors of this season are also way off. We spend a majority of the time in (what I am assuming is) Earthblood elf territory but the colors don't look right. They don't gel together very well. This is especially noticeable in the cave scene towards the end of the season. All of those crystals were so deeply saturated and NONE of those colors looked nice together. Especially on gray speckled rock. It was hard for me to see what I was supposed to be looking at! Emphasis and focus were two aspects which this show really seemed to struggle with this season in terms of visuals. The updated character designs look nice though, I don't have any qualms there (aside from the lemur).

Except for the Earthblood elves. WHY DID YOU TAKE AWAY THEIR COOL TREE BRANCH HORNS CONCEPT ART. They had moss and leaves on their shoulders and bodies. And cool swirly carvings. Why did they take that away :(

This season also feels like it's missing a LOT of setup for a LOT of lore and plot points. Especially the plot point with Callum being possessed by Aaravos. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?? HOW CAN AARAVOS DO THIS?? THIS BEGS THE QUESTION WHY AARAVOS DIDN'T FORCE VIREN SO CUT HIS HAND AND DO THE CATERPILLAR THING WILLINGLY. AARAVOS SHOULDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO AFFECT THE OUTSIDE WORLD RIGHT?? AM I GOING INSANE?? AND WHY DOES AARAVOS EVEN WANT TO POSSESS CALLUM?? BECAUSE HE CAN DO MAGIC?? HE ONLY KNOWS SKY MAGIC AS OF S4. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE.

Idk maybe all of my issues with this season will be remedied by s5 which I still need to watch. Just needed to vent this out. I still like this show and I'll keep watching it but man, it's gained some problems for me I can't really seem to ignore. Especially since the first 3 seasons were so well paced.

[half-elf-fighter]

hey !! i've been a fan since the trickster court trials and just wanted to ask a question if that's okay !! what are your party members ACTUALLY like ?? my friends and i have been arguing a bit lately because i think the fan perception of the party is WAY off. thanks in advance !!

You're a what fan now ??

Hum...well I'm curious as to how you view the party first but...I guess I can answer you ?

@figgriffin is a little shit. Don't give him alcohol. He's kind though, with a good silver tongue when he wants. Don't talk about math with him. He likes sewing and embroidery...oh and fashion too ! He changed appearance once becoming the Princess' warlock instead of Vaebitch's. I can't really tell you much about him because we didn't interacted as much. I'd love to do it more though.

@howdoyouspell-sevyn is a kind one too, but don't ask her to spell anything. They're chaotic and they make quite the duo with Fig, always doing dumb shit and making me stress. He's a good artist too, and an excellent card player. I sometimes wonder if she was different before loosing his memories. It's most certain, anyway.

@minketherockgnohnson is quiet, a bit reserved but can and will join in on the chaos started by the other two idiots. He rarely smiles and always has a come-back or a remark to say. He's strong besides his small size, but his powers can be scary, especially to him. We're careful with them. I think I'm the closest to him, but maybe this assumption is up for debate.

I think I fulfilled your wish ? I'm not very good with describing and writing stuff in general, I prefer talking. I apologise if it wasn't what you were looking for.

Have a good day or night, and thank you for the ask.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Only Friends - final thoughts

Lol, this tag suddenly feels a bit fraught. But everyone else is being very clear about how they feel, so I'm gonna do that too.

Ok, my thoughts:

- the acting was amazing. I loved pretty much everyone already going into it, but it was a delight to watch them sink their teeth into the material. Special call outs to Neo and Book who just really impressed me.

- I was meh on the storyline, but I knew I would be going into it. I'm into romantic shit and escapist stuff. So I was just along for the wild ride, and in that sense I was fully engaged every week.

- from the beginning, my understanding of the goal of Jojo and the others working on the series was to share some of their experiences as gay men in Thailand, as much as they could, with the restriction of it being under GMMTV and the BL label. And to my viewpoint - that is exactly what we got.

I want to be clear that I will never ever tell anyone that they should not be upset about a show. I have been devastated by shows before, and it sucks.

But I am a bit concerned that some people heard the premise, heard Jojo was directing, and decided this show was going to be everything they needed and/or wanted. Which, considering the number and diversity of those watching, is a tall order for one show.

There is also a lot of talk about the narrative punishing people, and if that's how you see it, that's how you see it.

I just think of what Jojo and the other creatives must have experienced as young gay men in their community. How overwhelming feelings can be sometimes. How they saw people treat each other. What words were used, both to seduce and to harm. How sex, and those who pursued it were viewed. How some friendships were deep, and some were paper thin, and some were toxic. What friendships were broken, sometimes for really stupid reasons. How some people changed, and some people didn't. And how real life would be so much better if it worked as a perfect narrative - but it doesn't.

I got what I read on the tin. And it was an engaging way to spend an hour a week.

Additional notes:

I'm getting a little bit in the weeds here, but I feel like both OF and Dangerous Romance are experiencing something similar when it comes to expectations. It's fine to hope for certain aspects, to wish for darker and grittier. But, y'know... it's still GMMTV. There's a reason that one of the writers - I want to say Den? (so sorry if I'm wrong on the name) knew he couldn't get what he wanted to say in Playboyy on a show like OF.

Oh, and I'm not happy Jojo was editing last minute based on fan responses, but I doubt he was given much choice. I think he did the best he could with fans in one ear and GMMTV in the other. (Also the last minute editing is not new, Nuchy had to deal with it on Not Me as well).

Again, not saying that people can't be mad! I just feel for Jojo. I think sometimes doing things very well can make people hypercritical when you do something mostly well.

[flowercrowngods]

Oooooh how about 27 for the Spotify drabble thingo?? 💖💖

Acting Normal | steddie, slight canon divergence

Steve is leaning against his Beemer in the parking lot, smoking one last cigarette before he can no longer avoid the inevitability of first period on a Monday morning. That shit never gets easier.

He looks up at the sky, watching as the sun breaks through the clouds, painting everything in golden and orange light. Last night's rain long beaten, though the humidity's still in the air, refreshing and smelling like childhood, somehow.

It's a beautiful day. Shame to waste it in school.

He takes another drag from his cig before dropping it and stubbing it out on the concrete. There are steps approaching and the smile is on Steve's face before he can fight it. He doesn't want to fight it, actually. Doesn't even try.

"Hey Stevie," Eddie Munson says, his forearms pressed to the hood of his car, almost leaning into Steve's space. Steve leans back as he blows out the last of the smoke, eyes still on the sky.

"Morning Eds."

They've become friends, somehow. It's odd, but it works. It works wonderfully. The same way a golden sky can make a Monday morning bearable, the same way memories of rain hanging in the air can smell like childhood. Some things just work. This thing between him and Eddie is one of those.

"I have a proposal," Eddie declares, and Steve huffs.

"Can I say no?"

"Well, you could, Steve-o, but then you'd be missing out and I'd be telling you all about it for the rest of my life, and this day would go into the history books as The Day Steve Missed Out On All The Fun. And do you seriously want to give all those historians another reason to question life in the late 20th century, Stevie? Do you?"

Steve leans further back onto the hood of his car, his forearms resting beside Eddie's now and they're close, so close, he feels dizzy with it for a moment. He bumps their shoulders together and huffs.

"You're ridiculous, Eddie."

"Astute observation, my liege," Eddie says and Steve can hear the grin on his face. It's one of the reason this thing works. Steve can hear Eddie's smiles and Eddie can hear Steve's frowns, and they listen.

Maybe that is why he decides to indulge. "So what are you proposing, good sir?"

"Skip school with me. It's a beautiful day, right? Shame to waste it in school."

Steve smiles, because yes, yes it is. He smiles and he doesn't say no, only leans there, beside Eddie, still watching the sun and her clouds, feeling a certain connection to them in this moment. Because Eddie is the sun sometimes, even though he'll disagree. And Steve is the air that smells like rain sometimes.

"What do you wanna do? Or, what would we do?" he asks, his voice quiet, more a musing than anything else, but Eddie is smiling again. Steve can hear it in the way he breathes and leans his head against Steve's shoulder for a second, leaving sparks in his wake.

"See what life is like outside of school on Monday morning," Eddie says, painting a picture in Steve's mind. "Get ice cream, go to the record store and listen to music, make music, watch people doing their jobs and feel both jealous and glad that we can't be in their shoes yet. Smoke." His voice shifts then, the smile changing. "Dream, Stevie. Dream about life and stop acting normal. That's what we'd be doing."

His heart is doing the skippy thing again. The thing it always does when Eddie tells him to dream in that voice, like he knows, like he can hear that, too.

He hopes that this time, dreaming can mean that Eddie will lean in and kiss him again. Hopes that Eddie will talk about his band again, about how he's gonna be a rockstar, about how he'll annoy Steve with extra shitty lyrics for the rest of their lives.

"Okay," he breathes, and turns his face to look at Eddie for the first time this morning. "Let's go then."

actually, this is a really fucking Eddie song, lyric-wise. he would make an exception from all the metal for this song, i'm sure. I am seriously surprised this song is only number 27. gah. I love it. thank you for the prompt!! also go give the blackstarkids some love, they deserve more recognition! 🫶

[wintercherryblossomsstuff]

WORST KISS EVER

Summary: lunch break offers conversations about worst kisses

Warnings: nothing (only my ugly writing probably)

Word count: 1k

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Finding myself eating shrimps for lunch has become quite the habit for me since I’ve started to work at the Five-O. Not that I mind, Kamekona’s ability to put those little commas in every dish and make it taste amazing is outstanding.

I transferred to Hawaii a little over a year ago, after my previous team was dismembered. Originally I had to get into HPD, but my curriculum caught the attention of the governor who presented me to Commander Mcgarrett… from that point after my life completely changed.

Working in the Hawaiian finest task force has been a blast… literally. It has been fun and, after so long, I finally feel like I've found Family; I also get blown up or shot at almost daily, but that’s beside the point and every time it feels like a little “get closer” moment. That’s what happens when you work with those five people. It’s almost like they attract bombs and bullets.

Somehow, the picnic tables at the truck always end up being witnesses to the most unhinged conversations between me, Danny, Kono, Chin, Lou, sometimes even Kamekona himself and Steve… today the topic, rigorously picked by Kono, is our first kiss.

“Oh, come on! It can not have been that bad!” that’s what she said, to which i replied “Kono, believe me…. It was, like, really bad”. I can't help but laugh at the memory. “In our defense, we were inexperienced teenagers, but still… it was bad and not even because we didn’t know how to kiss, but because the atmosphere and location were awful.” It was stupid of me to think that this would have been a good enough explanation for my nosey friends, in fact i shouldn’t have said a thing to begin with because now they will pester me till i don’t tell them every single detail.

“Surely you can go into more depth about it, no?” Lou chimes in with his usual sarcastic and witty tone, wiggling his eyebrows as everyone nods their heads in agreement. I roll my eyes and mutter to myself “I need to learn and shut my damn mouth”; after a moment of silence I sigh “it was during a game of truth or dare when I was a sophomore in high school, while on a school trip to a ranch.” “There are so many things in what you just said that sound so wrong, but please… continue.” I stick my tongue out at Danny after he, of course, comments on what I just said. “Anyways…you know how it goes. The same, overplayed movie cliche: I pick dare so I have to kiss the person I think is hot in the room. It was a disaster. We didn’t know how to kiss and we were in a stable, in front of everyone else and there was also a very strong smell of shit,” I explain “would not recommend.” Laughs erupt, obviously. “You could say it was a shitty situation.” “I'll pretend like I didn't hear that, Chin.” Seriously, that was a lame joke, but I can't help the chuckle escaping my mouth because, considering everything… it was, indeed, a shitty moment and the joke was just begging to be said.

At the end of our lunch break I stay behind to clean up, I hate to leave a mess for other people to clean. I guess that the few years of serving at restaurants in my teens really left an impact. Staying behind, though, gives me the opportunity to talk to Steve: “you have a habit, you know that?” “What habit?” he replies a bit confused as he puts the beer bottles in the trash. “You observe people having fun, more than you actually join in the conversation… you tend to do that quite a lot.” Looking at him, I just smile softly. He looks like a big tough guy, but he’s really a big softy. That’s one of the reasons why it was impossible for me not to fall for him. Steve always avoids sharing his feeling, what he doesn’t realize is that he has certain habits that show how he's really feeling and what is going through his head; some are more obvious than others: passing his hand on his chin when he’s mad, clenching his teeth when he’s irritated but can’t say anything or arching an eyebrow when he’s confused or he’s judging you… others are a little harder to identify because they are not something we all do:: him looking at the people that he loves having fun and smiling to himself being the first one. He’s not the type of guy to sit down with you and have a heart-to-heart conversation with you, but he will call you up and invite you out to do anything, just to distract you from whatever you have going on and he will remember everything that you told him about, even the smallest detail.

“I just like to see other people have fun, you know…” he shrugs. “Yeah…” I start “well, how about your worst kiss?” I ask, as we walk to his truck, ready to get back to work. “Oh man…” The cryptic response makes me chuckle. “Oh come on, it can’t be worse than mine…” Both the passenger and driver doors are closed shut. “I mean… we went to my house after the date and we were having fun, till my dad got back home earlier from work and found us making out on the couch. It was pretty embarrassing and then I had to listen to my dad giving me the talk…” “ow, that’s- yeah…" I raise my eyebrows and tilt my head as he starts the engine, driving then towards the Ali’iolani Hale palace.

When the car comes to a stop and we exit it walking toward the entrance, getting a message from Kono about a pretty big twist in the case we are working on, that leaves us rushing to the office and impatient to catch another criminal.

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Author: thank you @mayberrycryptid for the prompt idea💕. I hope you and everyone else that read it like it. Also let me know your thoughts. I had fun writing it!

[lumenflowered]

[An audio file is attached. It begins with someone that definitely isn't Maria swearing. "What the shit! You trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I am not," Maria says uncomfortably. "...My apologies, Leader Blue. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Blue grumbles. "Look, if this is about me telling you where to shove it—"

"With respect," Maria replies, "I care more about what you do than what you say, and I have heard much worse."

Silence, from Blue, except for a quiet mumble of what might be the words what the fuck.

"...With that said," she continues, "please understand that I am not trying to take this responsibility away from you. It is my understanding that Mount Silver is a dangerous place even for skilled trainers. Am I incorrect?"

"Nah," Blue says. "There's a reason you're not allowed unless you've got every badge from Kanto or Johto. And why you've gotta tell the League if you're headed out there. The wild mons are crazy-strong, it's easy to get lost, and the weather doesn't help. If you get stuck there, it's really hard for rangers to come out and get you, way harder than in Victory Road."

"Noted. And Red chose to live out in a place like that... why?"

Blue snorts. "Why do you think? He wanted to get away from people. The press isn't stubborn enough to follow him out there, and if they were, they'd still need more badges than even most battle junkies get. Seems pretty lonely out there. But what would I know?"

"Loneliness is... sometimes preferable to certain kinds of attention." Maria clears her throat. "Regardless. He is your friend, yes?"

"Ehhh, something like that."

"I can't in good conscience allow someone in your state to traverse Mount Silver alone," Maria says. "This is nothing to do with you specifically."

"Yeah, whatever you say." Blue sounds unconvinced. "What are you gonna do to stop me?"

Maria sighs. "If you'd let me finish, I was going to offer that I go there with you."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"...I suppose," Maria says, "that I'm a little curious about him myself. More than that, however, this is clearly more important to you than I initially thought. I recognize that now."

There's a long pause.

"Y'know what," Blue says, "I'm only off my feet for a couple months. Red'll survive without my good looks for that long."

"If you're certain," Maria says.

"Heh. Well, if you two battle, one of you has to lose. You should take a video."

"...That might be difficult," Maria admits, "but I can certainly make an attempt."

"You do that." He pauses. "I'll text you that list of what I usually bring. Some of it might not be stuff you care about, some of it's stuff any trainer should have anyway—the Escape Rope's a must."

"Understood." Maria hesitates, too. "If I may ask, is there any... particular reason that you've changed your mind now?"

"Eh. Got a lot of time to think like this. Did a lot of thinking," Blue says. "...That, and when I was complaining about you to my sister, she said I was being the asshole. And so did the internet."

"Ah," Maria says.

The recording ends.]

[yooniesim]

OK so I agree completely with what Rheall said in that post that no one is above anyone in this community and I get the clique is an illusion sentiment. But you have to admit that when the smaller simblrs watch “Bruce the Dolphin” go round and round the same 30 people what are they supposed to think? Or when they watch simblrs with higher notes re-blog only from other simblrs with the same amount of notes.

We tell them to reblog and interact because you know the more popular simblrs are the same as us but I just think maybe sometimes all of us can do better at cultivating this community. It is nice to reblog posts saying everyone here is valid but how many put that sentiment really into practice?

Well except for the black simblr community. Y’all already do this. Whether someone in large or small, young or old, vanilla or alpha (and everything in between) they are welcomed. Replies and asks are answered and smaller simblrs are reblogged and shouted out. The rest of the community could really take some notes.

Sorry I have been in this community for a long time and just had to to get this off my chest. You don’t even need to reply if you don’t want to. Hopefully you are having a great day even with my word vomit!

Yeah, I do agree with this too nonny (which is why I added some additional tags on that post).

I'm not gonna put words in her mouth or anything cos I can't say, but it felt like maybe she was describing some of the better parts of this community? When you don't interact with or just block certain blogs, your time here gets exponentially better in my experience, it becomes a lot closer to the ideal. But that also goes along with what she said about trying your best not to focus on the notes. Because the fact of the matter is, a lot of the really bigger blogs are kind of assholish, and if you really want a lot of notes regularly you gotta kiss tip to stay in their circle (or somewhat adjacent) and not ostracized/hit with the chain block. And the people that really care about notes will stay walking on eggshells to stay there no matter what happens which creates that toxic, clique-like environment imo. This goes for both of the bigger chunks of the community which I tend to separate between cc makers and non-cc makers in my head. That's just how it is and I don't think that's going to change.

In reality, I think making your experience here better is a mix of the two ideas. Following Rheall's advice is a really good idea and I highly encourage it. But also, you do have to be a little picky about who you interact with in the first place. This is why I'd actually encourage talking a lot to people that are smaller rather than trying to aim for people with huge followings. They're more likely to be friendly and willing to encourage you and spread your posts, and you can gain awesome friends that way. They're less likely to be focused on popularity and more likely to say what they really think. Yes, no one here on simblr is better than anyone else, we're all the same- but some people do think they are better than everyone else, sadly. There's some big egos and nasty souls in this community that simply aren't worth getting wrapped up in, even if they treat you nice for a minute or get you some extra notes. I'm not going to say notes don't matter, we all know they do; but what I'm saying is, I'd rather some real genuine comments from my mutuals than a thousand silent reblogs from people that don't give 1 shit about me, you know? Or a reblog from someone that would turn around and blast me with waves of anon hate cos I disagreed with them. It's not worth it.

Instead, you have no choice but to work hard to cultivate your community for yourself. That includes a) what Rheall mentioned, reaching out to others and being kind, and b) blocking those that display the behaviors you mentioned above. Because you can't make the mistake of expecting them to change- they won't. If I see someone only reblogging from the same people & the same 500+ note posts over and over again, ignoring people in the comments and only speaking to the same people, and constantly circlejerking to nauseating amounts, I just block them. If I see a huge creator that only posts their paywalled cc, never interacts, and ignores the people using & gushing over their content, I block them. And what seems like closing a door is actually opening another. Even now, simblr is a big place, and blocking those blogs won't shut you off from the best part of it. It just blocks that behavior from your view and allows other simblrs and subsets of our community to shine.

I think why black simblr is so good at this is the fact that we are a smaller section of the community, relatively. It's more niche and tight-knit, and there's also a variety of tags you can use to find more. And while some of this section is fairly large (I would say more medium size follower wise), you will notice that most of the super big simblrs are not black simblrs. Or at least, don't interact as much with that subset of the community. You also notice this with most of the big cc creators being non-black as well. (I actually think black simblr is often used as a talking point for more notes at best or punching bag at worst for a lot of big simblr, but that's another discussion entirely.) Common niches will always stick together and promote better in simblr, whether that's based on race or by common interests, such as royal simblrs, simblrs that like kpop, etc. Find simblrs that are similar to you, and that can very well be a launching point to being part of a community you didn't even know was there.

I feel like I'm repeating myself a bit, but what I take away from the discussion as a whole, is not that notes don't matter. Not caring about them can be really hard, that's valid and makes perfect sense for all of us. But more that, what you have to do to get them quickly and consistently, what you have to do to stay there, and the toll on your mental health because of it is not worth it. I have interacted with all kinds of simblrs here in my time, big and small, and a lot of what you see at the perceived "top of the top" is just ugly. There's a lot of jealously, resentment, contempt, and burn-out brewing up there, usually built up from sitting in that same place for years. There's a sense of bitter cynicism that leaves a bad taste in your mouth just from being around it. And it's very easy to get sucked into that and the negativity too, I know that myself. Even though some may joke or mock anyone for talking about it and brush it off as being not that deep or whatever, it's true. It's really not a place or mindset you want to be in.

Apologies for word vomiting back at you so badly lol, but I'll try to wrap it up now. I just really think that, while I wish the dynamics of simblr would change as a whole, that just isn't going to happen. The Reblog Debate comes up every half a year and every time everyone says the same thing and the bigger simblrs cat fight with the smaller simblrs and the vague posts fly out by the thousands and nothing changes either way. The only solution is, honestly, to just aim low and find a few good mutuals here and that's it. Anything more, well, that's a pleasant surprise- right?

[dorkycreature-89]

TIME TO RANT INTO THE VOID AGAIN :D

i feel like peeps complaining about how just look my way make stolas look like a "uwu sad boi" have a black and white view about how personal growth works

"if you did shitty actions in the past, you're always a shitty person. no matter how much you try to change" is pretty much the vibe i'm getting from them. maybe i'm reaching but that's how i see it

and y'know, that vibe kinda hurts me a bit cuz i was a shitty person myself. if you look through my older posts and find my old (and cringy) vents, you'd know how much i hated myself for being a piece of shit when i was in middle school. hell, if you were to find my ex friends and ask them about me (if they remember), they'll tell you how terrible i was and how much they wanna shove me off a cliff (okay, that was a bit exaggerated)

my point is: stolas realizing that he treated blitzø terribly and wanting to change from it really sticks with me and has SUCH an important meaning to me (cheese incoming)

you can be a shitty person in the past and still change for the better. while you can't change your past actions, you can still move forward. grow and change and all that stuff

obliviously, there's certain people that aren't deserving of redemption, no shit. but........stolas is literally letting go of blitzø, how do y'all see that as him still being "creepy" and "obsessive"????? (also, he was in an abusive forced marriage and blitzø was the only person he loved romantically. of course he'd have lingering feelings)

sometimes you gotta lose people to grow

anyways tldr; stolas did shitty things but y'all are holding onto that wayyyy too much. he's a grey character wanting to better himself

[niqieta]

Things that i find useful during my highschool years🌟🌟

I can't really say that i have the best grades and everything during my time in highschool but i did find a way to balance both studying and socialising so you can have fun in highschool!!

🌟 D.I.Y (do it yourself )

No im not saying that you should be building anything silly! What i meant was that you should do everything yourself during your study sessions. From notes and researching past questions, do it yourself. Sometimes its easier for me to store certain information when im handling them firsthand and help me review better last minute because i know where everything is written, where every information was explained because i spend so much time doing it rather than read the premade notes online📝

🌟 Make it fun!!

The first thing you're gonna understand is that studying is stressful af, like no shit. But just because it is doesn't mean we can make it fun-stressful right? Things like silly acronym, modified lyric of a catchy songs and even hilarious characteristics of your friend can help you along the way! Lets say what if i want to remember the metal reactivity series. That thing is looonggg af to remember and a hassle to so why not change it into silly mmemonic?

🌟 Letting go ≠ failing

Fool around, watch movies, play games, anything honestly! Letting loose doesn't equals to a bad result. If done in moderation can actually help you have a better time in studying. You can't cram 50++ in your brain and expect it to understand all of it without giving it time to rest. Treat yourself once in a while! Sometimes even just a cup of hot chocolate after an hour of doing essay would do the trick☕✨

(p/s: letting loose is NOT the same as procrastinating!!! Remember guys, rest in moderation 😭)

🌟 Eat healthy, think pretty

You know how they say that your gut is connected to your brain right? (Do they really say that???) . There's a day where you've got no appetite but still need to eat and so you just eat random snack you found in the fridge? Yeah, stop that. Like literally hun. Before you go all " you cant expect us to eat a balanced neal everyday😡😡". Baby girlies, we can eat those mouth watering, feet curling treats for alllll i careeee. But we need to learn on when to avoid them. I remember that one time i binged eat a whole jar of preserved mangoes the night before a test and ends up not remembering anything that i studied. *Shivers* eghh wouldn't want to experience that again! So avoid food that are:

High in sugar

Caffeine

Sour

And as my mom always say🙄🙄 high in msg (yes, those mouth watering instant mee😢)

🌟 Dont bother with other people

Oh my goshh, you're so dependable~ like an older sister🥺... Guys never, and i repeat, NEVER involve yourself in other people problems unless you want to waste your time with things that probably wont help you much. If you're thinking im telling you to be selfish then yes, you're absolutely right. Be selfish!!! If it simple things like giving advice or just simply being there for mental support then go on, i support you wholeheartedly but if you're directly involving yourself and being the middlemen 😐 naww take a big step back. You're not gonna risk your emotional and mental health over other people feud!

🌟 Find your own pace

With all the class rivalry going on you must be tempted to follow the class rythm, especially if its fast paced because you'll feel like you left out right? Here's the thing babe, every people have their own learning techniques and that means each have their own understanding pace. Some people store information quickly and others not so much. And honestly that's fine! Its not about who finishes the syllabus first but its about who understands them better. How do you expect to score your written exam if you barely understand the topic you're working with? So my advice is that you take a deep breath and find the study techniques that fit you the most and apply to everyday use. Once you realise it you probably has finished the whole topic without you know it!

🌟 Give em love and att yea?

Everyone has that one teacher who looovess to give and give and give you loads of notes. Yeah i know, it's a hassle to go through each and everyone of them right? But if you're letting them be and not touch them just because you have your own ur sitting on a goldmine babes. Those notes/question sometimes contains crucial information that you didn't realise you were missing the whole time. Other times the module that you just did for fun ends up having the exact type of questions that come out during midterms. Shocking right? Even if they're inanimate you need to treat them as if they we're alive. Give them attention, read them, mark them,scribble on them. You must love the knowledge if you want to gain it. How do you expect to gain something from someone that hates you?

And that's it for today folks! I know its not much and there's probably a thousand post that looks the same as mine but hey, Im just doing this for fun based of my experience yeah? Bubbyerrr🏃🏻‍♀️💨💨

[emiehhsstuff]

HIGH & LOW: THE WORST SERIES

HANAOKA FUJIO X OC

CHAPTER 5: FRIENDS

"What are you spacing out for, Fujio?"

Tsukasa looked at his friend with a raised brow. The latter being unusually quiet, like he's thinking of something with a serious expression. This made Tsukasa nudge him and he acted in reflex, kicking Tsukasa in the gut which surprised him. 

"Shit sorry man."

Fujio nervously grinned at his friend who just sighed, forgetting the fact that he was just kicked in the gut out of thin air. Looking at Fujio seriously, he pats his back.

"Don't worry too much. We'll save your friend."

Tsukasa stated, knowing how Fujio is. Despite the latter's cheerful personality, he can sometimes plunge into depression whenever worry and anxiety creeps into him. He cares about his friends dearly and right now, one of his childhood friends, Arata Maekawa have been involved in a shady organization called Kidra, whose been actually responsible for the distribution of the drug called Red Rum and the one who instigated the fight between Oya and Housen.

"Yeah, I know."

They continued to walk in silence when the blonde-haired teen spotted a familiar face, heading towards a familiar direction, nudging Fujio on his side.

"Isn't that Yasushi's sister?"

Fujio perked at his statement and looked up to see Rikki walking alone. Without a second thought, he called out to the girl which surprised Tsukasa at how casual his friend is. As far as he knew, Fujio never met the girl, heck, they didn't even know of her until that time at the rooftop but even then, they never really interacted. Not that he knew of.

"Oh, Ri-chan!!"

He can see how the girl slightly flinched at the sudden call and turned around to see two teens, one who's familiar. Fujio then dragged Tsukasa with him, skipping in excitement as they approached the girl who smiled shyly. His sudden change in moods can be really surprising.

"Hanaoka-san"

The girl formally greeted with a small bow. Looking at them in curiosity.

"Fancy meeting you here. By the way, this is my buddy, Tsukasa."

He cheerfully said which made Tsukasa raise a brow, but then looked at the girl with a small smile.

"Takajo Tsukasa, just call me Tsukasa."

He politely stated. The girl bowed slightly.

"I'm Nishikawa Rikki, it's nice to meet you, Tsukasa-kun"

She greeted and Tsukasa can really tell how similar she is with Yasushi, finally sinking in that the gremlin actually has a sister.

"I can't still believe that you're Yasushi's sister."

His words, Rikki understood that he meant no disrespect, so she laughed. It was normal for one to be surprised that she and Yasushi were siblings because of how opposite they are in personalities, but the features never lie if you look at it closely.

Although, with their small interaction, a certain ravenette was pouting on the side, putting his arm around Tsukasa with a playful frown.

"No fair Ri-chan, you should call me by my name too, and without formalities!"

"Ri-chan?"

Rikki was taken aback at his playful behavior and Tsukasa chuckled at his friend's antics. Typical of Fujio to be childish at times that he's gotten used to it. As well as his habit of giving nicknames to people he just met. He's grateful that Fujio ceased calling him in his made-up nickname. The others would laugh at him being called "Tsun", to which Fujio claims that it fits him. 

"Yup! You're Ri-chan from now on."

Despite the confusion, Rikki nodded while chuckling in amusement. She suddenly remembered how Yasushi would always complain about a certain teen named Fujio and his cheery personality which makes him want to deck him in the face with how smiley he can get even though they are in a fight and looking at him now, he really is bright.

"Okay, Fujio. By the way, what are you doing here?"

"Just walking around. What 'bout you? Walking alone again? You know it's dangerous for a girl to walk around alone, especially that it is getting late."

Tsukasa was amused at how civil Fujio is towards the girl, sensing something different with how he usually behaves but couldn't actually pinpoint what's wrong.

"I'm actually thinking about visiting Hope Hill. Though I know it's probably desolated now."

Hearing about their childhood home, Tsukasa then remembered about something regarding the place.

"I think it's better if you don't go there for the meantime. I heard it became a breeding ground for thugs to gather. It's dangerous"

He explained, Fujio nodding along. Actually, they already knew that the group called Kidra is using that place as their den while they make and distribute Red Rum. More importantly, the day after tomorrow, they would pay a visit to that place, all of Oya and Housen students to settle score with Kidra.

"Oh.....I see. Thank you for the warning, Tsukasa-kun, Fujio. I guess I'm going home then."

Rikki thought for a second but before she could wave goodbye, Fujio held out his hand to the side.

"Let us walk you home!"

He suddenly shouted and both looked at him, quite surprised. Even Fujio himself.

"It's fine Fujio. Besides, it's not even dark yet. I can handle myself."

Rikki smiled at his offer but decided to decline. Flustered with his sudden offer. Fujio just grinned, placing his hand at his nape, looking to the side as he insisted.

"It's fine. We insist, besides, we're friends now!"

He insisted further which made the girl agree with an amused smile, but his little actions didn't get past Tsukasa's observant eyes, making the latter tilt his head in amusement. It was rare to see a shy Fujio in the presence of someone after all, or maybe because he's acting like how a shy boy would act in front of his crush. 

Tsukasa smirked at the thought.

...

"Come on, stop frowning. I promise I won't even have a single scratch on me this time."

Yasushi consoled his little sister, passing her some carrots while she chops them. It hasn't even been a week and yet another fight is about to begin and Yasushi refuses to be out of it, making Rikki frown even more. She knew how much her brother loves to fight but with his injury not fully healed, she was worried. 

"You better. You have to treat me to some ice cream for making me worry, okay?"

Taking it as a sign of approval, he grinned with a salute and went to put on his jacket and left, making Rikki sigh. She may not fully stop him from fighting but she will always be there to support him and patch his wounds.

"Osu!"

Yasushi screamed for the last time before fully shutting the door and scampered off. Despite being crazy in fights and sometimes has no regard for his safety, he never liked worrying his sister. It was easy to get into fights when she was miles away because she would not actually get to see him bruised up if ever, but now that she's back, he knew not to be reckless and go home in a state where she would fret over him. 

...

"That's disturbing"

"Right?! They're like zombies!"

"No matter how hard they get hit, they're still smiling like crazy. It's creepy!"

"Aren't you describing yourself, Nii-chan?"

"Ha?!"

The trio, Yasushi, Rikki, and Kiyoshi were currently sitting at an Ice cream parlor while enjoying their cold treats. After their fight with Kidra, true to his words, Yasushi treated his sister to ice cream, and of course Kiyoshi is invited. It was normal for the three of them to hang out even way back then. And just like the old times, the two would tell her stories about their escapades and the fights they would get involve into, as well as the people who they get to fight with and others. At this point, Rikki knew some of Oya's students, only by their names though. 

"Actually, I've already met Fujio. In fact, we became friends!"

Rikki cheerfully stated and upon hearing this, Yasushi whipped his head to stare at her, raising a brow with a questioning look. Same as with Kiyoshi.

"Since when?"

"Oh-- uh"

Rikki ended up spilling everything, from how she had met Fujio and about the creepy guys that night, and not to mention, their second meeting and with Tsukasa that time. Rikki told them everything and thanks to Kiyoshi, Yasushi didn't end up storming out of his seat to chase after the two guys that disrespected his sister. Rikki managed to convince him to calm down and he somehow did. 

"See, this is why the old man insisted that you learn how to pack a punch. You're too absentminded when it comes to danger and assholes with evil intentions. You should've decked them in the face the moment they looked at you with their shitty faces."

Yasushi implied with a punch in the air which Rikki sighed and looked at the treat in her hand. Kiyoshi even strongly agreed with a fierce nod. 

"Violence isn't always the answer Nii-chan."

"It isn't. It's the question and the answer is yes."

With a serious expression, Rikki could tell that her brother isn't joking, so she gave up on resisting. There's no arguing with Yasushi. His head is as hard as a rock and when he sets his mind on something, there's a better chance of seeing him wearing a cute onesie than to change his mind. 

While the trio was busy chatting with each other, unbeknownst to them, a figure was stealthily taking photos of the short haired girl who's currently laughing at her companions' shenanigans. A dark smirk crossing their face as they exited the shop. 

[thorne1435]

One form of snobbery that fills me with such bitter rage is fat-shaming.

All of the people I've been closest with in my life have ranged from "a bit chubby" to "fat" and when you know a lot of heavyset people you start to notice something:

sometimes people are just fat, and they can't do anything about it. It's just how they're built. It's no more within their control than their race or height.

My brother falls into this category, and so did my childhood best friend--I'll call him Brandon, he'd get a kick out of that, I think. Brandon was really into sports and shit, he was an active kid, and I on the other hand was an inactive kid, and yet Brandon remained short and pudgy well into highschool (I stopped seeing him after that) and I remain tall and bony to this day with pretty much no lifestyle change. You could chalk this down to metabolic rate, maybe? I'm not sure. I'm not a doctor. But the point stands, that sometimes people just don't have the capacity to get thinner.

The other thing I noticed from having these friends, is that their parents just fucking hated them?? Particularly with the women, since most of my friends have been women, it seems like even my thinner friends got really hurt by comments from their parents along the lines of "God, you're fat. You need to lose weight. It's disgusting." And knowing that that was how Parents treated their Underage Children (we're thinking like 12 and 13 here) who happened to be a bit chubby... First of all, I can't imagine what it's like to live in the framework that those parents gave them. It must be hell. But second of all, I will never know what kind of shit they get from random strangers for just being alive if their parents were bold enough to not identify the real issue.

And, I want to be fair: it's possible for anyone to lose weight down to a certain point, and that is probably a good idea. There is a point where you can say that a person is being unhealthy. But the thing is, that point is going to change from person to person for various reasons. You won't know at first glance whether a person is unhealthy or just kinda fat by nature. It's impossible to tell unless you really know this person, like you're always talking, you know their hobbies, you know their job, that kinda thing. And I would agree that those are contributing factors to weight gain or weight loss, but again, I think it just falls within a certain bound for everyone.

It's pretty safe to say that if some fuckin'...park ranger goes on regular walks off-hours and they just love the outdoors, and they hate sitting still, they're probably as in shape as they're gonna get. If that equilibrium finds them at 400lbs, or 100lbs. It doesn't matter. That is their shape.

Knowing that, it irritates me to no end to hear body-shaming comments.

No seriously. Point them out to me. I will fucking disembowel them. I swear to god.

[caelumsnuff]

What keeps you here (listening to Redacted, slightly engaging with fandom, writing for it)? I don’t mean that in the annoying ‘omg why are you here if you’re gonna complain’ way. As I think it’s heathy for a fandom to discuss what could be better about their fandom space and what works and doesn’t work for them in the media they’re consuming (and even as someone who enjoys 99% of this place, this fandom’s ‘don’t even say that you don’t like a thing’ is unlike any fandom I’ve ever been in, big or small).

I’m asking ‘cause I’ve been listening to Redacted since 2021 and it became a fixation, but recently I feel it fading a lot (I don’t find the narratives as compelling anymore with Quinn and Avior being the recent ones, HBS was just okay even tho nothing quality wise changed to me, even my enjoyment of the podcast has waned (and I listen to a ton of podcasts of all types so that should have been the one thing that stayed lol, but they are inconsistent then come back and talk about Pokémon Go only for 70% of the episode every episode lol so I think that’s what’s not helping).

So what brought you here and what keeps you here now? What do you think will keep you engaging with his work? What do you think will (or could be) what makes you step away (whether abruptly or gradually)? (Sorry for all the questions. I’m curious. Hope you have a lovely day!)

Thank you for the ask! I know this is long and a little word soupy perhaps, but i hope you can glean some coherent meaning from it.

Under the cut bc long.

I've been here since very very very early in the channel. Like...... 2020 early. I was getting back into listening to rp asmr after having a small interest in it a few years earlier, and i came across redacted, a lil baby VA. Redacted had some unique qualities in the rp asmr scene, and if we're being honest he still does.

My brain kinda decided to hyperfixate on Redacted, i think because he had plot heavy audios and that wasnt super common in this genre of rp. And in the beginning, the plots were actually decently good in terms of writing and whatnot.

At some point along the way, that fixation became something of a special interest eventually. Probably sometime around early 2022 when i decided to join the discord to finally see some fanart and maybe make friends with people in this fandom. That kinda sent me down the rabbit hole of realizing "oh shit yeah these people have wildly different interpretations of these audios", which started to irritate me in regards to a certain magical therapist and i ended up writing a fanfic about it after being afraid to write for literally most of my life. I got very mixed responses, but some people were really kind and expressed gratitude for my writing and that made me actually want to be a part of this fandom, even if i stay in my own little corner. After that point i started to engage with the content far more critically, and decided that i care about his videos too much to not talk about them and critique them.

I can't really tell you why i stay here, not exactly at least. I think plot-wise the videos have declined in quality greatly, which i started paying attention to. I have been known to enjoy bad media. Like a lot. I watched all of Voltron, all of Vampire Diaries, 13/15 seasons of Supernatural, the Twilight movies, and i fucking enjoyed them. Im just a fan of shit media. Its really fun to critique as well! But like..... I don't think Erik is an all around shit writer, i think he's really good at some things. Character building (the base of a character at least), universe building (for the most part), and the line writing is really good actually, i enjoy them. And i think that he's decent when writing darker content and plotlines, look at the Adam plotline, the Ivan plotline, Imperium AU etc. So i guess the answer is i enjoy critically engaging with it and actively critiquing the art, as well as being attached to the characters and the universe. I have kinda yoinked the characters and they are now my little barbie dolls to play with.

Tbh i ignore most of the fandom bc i just..... simply do not care what people i dont know think about me. I think that majority of this fandom has demonstrated not just a lack of critical thinking skills, comprehension of fandom etiquette, and media comprehension skills, but also a lack of basic human decency and kindness. I do not care what people like that think of me. I know who i am, my loved ones know who i am, and im not gonna let children on the internet stop me from making the art i enjoy.

I take breaks from listening to videos every once in a while (like 2 months at the beginning of this year), but i always end up coming back. I guess im curious as to where this all is going, and i really really do want to see this man get better at writing which..... hasnt happened yet but i guess im patient enough to wait lol. I think he hit a new low recently though. I think the Quinn storyline is the first time that the bad writing actually made me like... angry. Like i was MAD, like shaking laughing in my bed mad. It took me an hour to cool down like what the fuck was that man 😭 If i think about it too hard ill get all riled up again.

I.... don't know what would make me step away tbh. Idk what that would take, but i guess it'd have to be worse than the Quinn arc, which is setting a pretty high bar.

So yeah i think i stay here because i love the characters (or the ideas of them), as well as the universe, and i think writing fics for them is really good practice for me. There's also some very sweet people in this fandom who have been nothing but kind and encouraging to me, and i do not want to let these interactions i have with you guys fizzle out just yet. I may not know yall or directly interact with yall a lot, but i really do love you guys in this little corner of the fandom ive carved out.

[autisticlee]

almost every time I have met online friends irl, they stop talking to me either immediately after or very soon after, usually after increasingly acting weird or distant towards me. it makes me feel awful. and then i'm afraid to meet anyone irl again.

I feel so silly and stupid that I have a lowkey fear creeping below the surface about going to visit my friend and their gf this summer. what if they end up hating me 🙃 i've thought about mentioning it to my friend, but I don't want to make them feel bad about it!!!!!! it's not their fault I feel this gross fear. they didn't do anything to make it happen. they're super excited and always tell me about it!! i'm the one that is struggling to feel excited because i'm haunted by past experiences that will not stop repeating like i'm stuck in an endless loop of hell!!!!! 😭

I try to remind myself that thos friend also

I seem to give off this bad vibe irl that everyone except me notices and it makes people want to avoid me. I don't know what it is or how to fix it but I wish I could!!!! perhaps i'm just simply not likable 🥲 i've had people want to be roommates and act like best friends meet me irl and suddenly start avoiding me until they straight-up ghost me. I don't understand 😔

i'm very willing to work on myself....if I knew wtf was wrong with me!!!!! but I do not!!

I also fear it's something I can't change and it's something that's part of me, so I literally can't do anything unless I mask and become a fake person. but that's so uncomfortable and lonely in itself and feels pointless. what if it's just normal autism traits and people are assholes???? then I have no choice in the matter.

everyone tells me i'll ~find the right ones~ or whatever. befriend other autistic or ND people. but it never matters. they all end up the same in the end!!!!! fellow autistic and adhd people have hurt me MORE than NTs!!! do you know how many times I thought I did find "the right people," made them promise to not do what the last ones did, promise to respect my needs and boundaries, and promise to be honest and talk everything out, but then a little while down the way they do exactly the same shit they promised not to that everyone else did?!

when the same shit keeps happening over and over, at what point does it stop being "other people are the assholes" and become "im obviously the problem" ??????? i'll have people tell me it's not me that's the problem. it's other people. those same people will become "the other people" themselves. so is it REALLY them that's the problem, or am I too goddamn stupid to know what's wrong with me and what i'm doing wrong ?!

sometimes people will put a blame on me but not tell me why it's me. just a broad statement with no details that point fingers at me. "you're gaslighting me" (after opening up to a close friend group about a difficult thing I had just experienced and that was the response one gave and then completely ghosted with no explanation, leading to the whole group abandoning me)

sometimes people will complain about certain things I can't help. "you ruined my whole day!" (some girl telling me this, a few months later after kicking me out of a group. I needed help navigating nyc subway to the bus station because my phone GPS didn't work there and she said it was ok, she'd gladly help me. then yelled at me about it a while later when she got mad about something else, about how I ruined her day that time by making her help me and being a burden 🙃✌️)

sometimes someone will drop out basically mid conversion, get extremely distant, go from replying with novels to one word replies until not responding at all, then suddenly block me a year later after ignoring me. only to come at me with "you stopped caring about me and haven't messaged me in a year" despite our last messages being me saying I miss them, them saying they've been busy (despite having the time to talk to multiple other people and ppat their message screenshots online every day and be online all the time) and me responding telling them to message me when they aren't busy so we can chat again, but never getting a response!!) only for them to admit they muted me and didn't want to talk to me "for no reason" they literally said that to me lmao wtf. how is there "no reason"

sometimes it IS them that's the problem though. like one girl who accused me of liking her and sabotaged our whole friendship based on these baseless delusions she had. sje decided she was going to "choose" to be straight (she's bi) and decided i'm a "man" (I was trans masc and starting my transition at the time, but am actually nonbinary. it was just required to be trans masc where I live to get treatment. nb people aren't allowed) and she decided guys and girls can't ever be "just friends" she even got very upset at me when I told her she's wrong and not even my type and i'm asexual/probably aromantic. she claims I ~knew saying that would hurt her~ because she apparently told me that kind of thing hurts her before. I did not know this, she never told me this. that's also a weird thing to think/say??? saying it upsets you that someone ISNT attracted to you but also being upset and ruining the friendship if they are??? what the fuck lmao. goofy behavior. I thought she'd be delighted to hear she was wrong about that but nope. she wanted to feel good that someone liked her even if it cost the friendship. haha weird 🙃 she also talked shit about me being autistic at one point lol. fellow ND being a ND hater. sue was all kinds of messed up, but at least I knew it was for sure her that was the problem and not me this one time. but she wasted so much of my time and energy that I can't get back.

it's not always clear why people do what they do, and it drives me insane until I can figure it out. most of the time I cannot. so I go on knowing i'll unknowingly fuck everything up yet again. it feels guaranteed.

I just want a stable and comfortable friendship that's close and secure. one I know will last. one where I can relax and enjoy the time with the other person and not have to be hyperaware of every little detail and look out for potential patterns I recognize that every friendship seems to fall into just like the last, that will lead to the same shit. then force me to have to try harder to save the friendship before it gets worse!!!! but trying seems to make it worse somehow. I don't fuckijg know.

I AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE. i've reached the point where I don't have the energy or willpower to try getting closer with anyone and have to sit here feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone. I don't feel like I have even one single person I can trust or rely on. not one. if I go to anyone, i'll just burden and annoy them. they can say I won't all the want, but that's always a lie. always. last time I trusted a group wo told me that, I got told I was gaslighting them. not told why or how. but apparently losing a thing important to me and confiding in my closest friends about it is "gaslighting" now and is justification to cancel me from our group trip and then not invite me back into the group chat when I switch accounts LOL.

after that shit, I just cannot. I genuinely thought that were "THE ONES" you know, those mythical "the right people" i'm alwaus being told about thar apparently exist. but every time I find them, I am wrong. so I have no fucking clue what to even look for. they seemed so good at first!!!! how do I find better???? and how do I not fuck it up wven thought I can't figure out what the FUCK I did wrong by sharing a very deep, personal, important thing with my closet trusted friends?!

if "the right people" can't even accept me then wtf am I supposed to do??? I feel like I either deserve this, not having friends or anyone to rely on, or I just have to accept that i'll always be alone. maybe I can have little casual surface friendships....but I'll never have anything deeper and closer. i'll never have the type of thing I feel I need that's hard to explain. maybe it's just the trust of knowing something will last and is stable. i've never had that. i've been walking on egg shells my whole life around everyone. and its so uncomfortable and sucks. it makes me feel so goddamn lonely. especially when I see everyone else has their person or people.

and don't get me wrong, i'm fine with being alone by myself. if I lock myself up and don't see or pay attention to others, i'm perfectly fine and don't feel lonely. it's as soon as I see other people being together, and ESPECIALLY when i'm woth other people that I feel this deep and painful sad/loneliness that doesn't go away until i'm away from people for a while again. but even of i'm enjoying my alone time, there's often things I want to do that require others, so I can't do them and it makes me feel bad. my old therapist telling me last time I was avoiding people due to (unknown at the time) autistic burnout, that we are a social species and require interaction with other people, so I NEED to make friends and interact with others always echos in my mind. I wish I DIDNT need others and can lock myself up alone forever. that feel less painful than trying to be with others. seeing and being with others makes me feel awful and alone. being literally alone feels comfortable and not lonely, most of the time. as long as I have a single-person hyperfocus to occupy my entire existence with.

but despite feeling like this, the burnout I hit from losing several important things to me at once about a couple years ago and my friend group ditching me when I needed them most is debilitating and still going strong. I feel like this is my new permanent state of being. I don't have the energy to put any effort into friendhips. if they don't maintain themsleves or the other person doesn't put in most of the effort, I WILL let it die and act like I don't give a fuck (I do, I just don't have the power to stop it). it's all on the other person's shoulders to carry the friendship the way I carried all the ones in my past. it's my turn to be the unresponsive friend who doesn't put in effort and responds with one word. not because I secretly hate the person/friendhipz but because i'm perpetually burnt out and literally can't do much anymore. I just can't.

that doesnt mean I can't keep complaining about how lonely and disconnected I feel!!! just because i'm not trying to fix it doesn't mean my feelings are invalid! "just keep trying" only works for people who have the ability to try. my ability was destroyed and am now unable. I would need a miracle of a person who puts in enough effort and genuinely cares enough about me to nurse me out of burnout hell to the point where I can put full trust and faith into them and call them my best friend.

but I doubt that will happen. I won't believe it until I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being "positive" and hoping for the best keeps biting me in the ass and makes the fall hurt even more. I do not have the spoons and willpower and energy for that again i'm sorry 😭

wow this was a long ramble. it's taken me 2 hours to write this. I just wrote exactly what my brain was saying and rambled off topic. this was originally supposed to be about how, while I want to be excited to visit my friend and their gf, it's really hard to because all my past experiences make FEAR lurk around every corner.

I expressed an anxiety to my friend about the trip but only said it was about going to the airport and flying for the first time ever. and alone at that. if I tell them about this little hell demon on my shoulder, it may upset them. they're always telling me how they're so excited and I can't ruin that!!!! the more excited they are, the more comfortable/less worried I feel i'm allowed to be about it??? I NEED that energy personally. and I want them to keep that for themsleves as well. especially when it's not that I don't trust THEM. I don't trust myself. I could do any number of things wrong and make a good, fun, exciting trip go bad, or create a bad after-effect that makes it all slowly break down after. my friend expressed even wanting me to move in with them and their gf. be roommates. where have I heard that one before lmao. multiple other times before a seemingly good friendship gets destroyed for unknown reasons 😭

I hate that my brain has to live this way thanks to past traumas. cptsd mixed with autism/adhd is literally hell. but when you basically never know if you're the one fucking everything up accidentally, are afraid to hurt someone important again, don't know what a real/healthy friendhip is meant to look like due to never experiencing one, and don't have the energy to deal with this shit anymore, it's impossible to make your brain chill the fuck out.

there is a chance everything will go well and nothing will change. there is a smaller chance things will even improve. I can only hope, even if I know hoping for things ends up hurting more.

"what's the worst that can happen" i'm always asked, as if the person asking thinks nothing bad can happen. imagine being very far away from home and your trusted best friend you're there with betrays and hurts you for who knows what stupid reason, and you're stranded there, alone and upset, with no one around you who cares or wants to help or comfort you. you're treated like a burden and have no one to turn to. you're trapped and alone, surrounded by strangers in a big scary city. your whole world and everything you knew is falling apart in your hands as you try desperately to patch it badk together, but your once trusted person is purposely pulling out the seams. your supposed-to-be-happy experience is forever tainted and ruined. you get blamed for it all when you're confused and lost as to what even happened! it takes years to put the pieces together and come to a conclusion about what and why it happened. but that experience left deep scars that affect everything that comes after.

I don't want want that to happen again lmao. I cant make my brain not have intrusive flashbacks when faced with a similar scenario. it's literally how trauma works.

i've heard you can heal from trauma. but is that possible when the trauma wound constantly gets reopen every time it even starts to heal? if the same shit that caused you trauma keeps happening over and over and over and over....things replying in your head end up repeating themelves despire your best efforts to go a different direction....how do you heal? how do you convince your brain to not feel like this and think these things when it feels like reality rather than a worry since these things have happened literally 100% of the time!

that's the problem. you can't heal a flesh wound by rubbing dirt and shit and sharp objects on it all the time. I feel like the only way to heal is to be able to have someone I can actually trust and reply on. someone who proves to me that they won't become another source of trauma. the wond needs a clean and stable environment to heal in.

but i'm broken. i'm annoying. i'm incredibly boring and have no personality. my interests are few and very weird. i'm not likable to most people or for very long and do and say the wrong things all the time. etc etc. *throws pity party or whatever that's actually based on facts probably because no one proved them wrong yet and idk the real reason so i'm simply guessing* so how am I supposed to make a person do this lmao since you can't force people to like you and be a good friend. I also can't force myself to like people so the person needs to be someone *I* like and feel comfortable and connected with as well. hitting two birds with one stone is.....not easy. especially when you're as clumsy and uncoordinated as me.

hopefully my trip goes well. hopefully a miracle happens and we get closer. but I can't rely on it. I can't even think about it. I keep making myself focus on other things and nkt think. but sometimes something reminds me and then this now THREE HOUR long rant happens. 😭✌️