#sorry i draw the same bed every time i dont like drawing beds

[thwackk]

i dont think i ever posted old man yaoi halbarry

[dwntwn-strnlo]

hey you said you were looking for requests i was wondering if you could right a oneshot for either chris or matt based of this song

thank you for the request! love you ❤️

BECAUSE I LIKED A BOY chris sturniolo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. i've never listened to this song before so my mind hasn't quiet perceived it yet, so im just going off of what google said about the love triangle thing?? idk,,, sorry if this isnt exactly what you had in mind

kylie is just a random name! kylie is an oc and is not based off of anyone-

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. christopher sturniolo x fem!reader

↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request!

↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes!

you and chris got together only 2 months after his ex dumped him. which didn't really do well with the public eye. and the allegations hurt like hell.

you tried to keep your relationship private for as long as you could, but, well, its hard to stay undercover.

the aggravated name calling came fast.

'we want kylie back' 'you stole chris' 'kill yourself' ; all things easily thrown under your tiktok's and insta posts.

calling you a 'slut' or a 'home-wrecker' just started rolling off of peoples tongues when your name was mentioned.

it truly disgusted you how people could just throw things out like they didn't have a care in the world. or that it would truly demoralize the person on the receiving end.

the threats and shaming put a hole in your heart. a huge, massive endless pit of a hole. it hurt, a lot. and chris knows that, and he tries and tries and tries to help you. but its very, very hard for the both of you.

so when chris walked into his room after taking a shower to find you sitting there staring at the wall, he knew something was up.

your eyes were puffy from recently shed tears, and the wall just seemed to get closer and closer.

"y/n?" he says, cautiously taking a step towards you. "whats up? im sorry, i didnt know you were coming over today."

a small sad laugh escapes your lungs as you look up at your boyfriend. your eyes wash over his face, confusion and worry crossing over every part of him.

the second he gets a good look at your state, his heart shatters.

you bite down hard on your lower lip, not really caring if you were to draw blood. "i..." your breath hitches as you attempt to choke back a sob. "we need to break up, chris."

his eyes widen, before he sighs, running his hands down his face. his face stays covered for just a second more. "we need to?" he sighs, still very confused of the conversation.

"im- im sorry-" you mumble, just barely audible for chris to hear.

chris walks over to where you sit on the bed, placing his hands on your knees and squatting down in front of you. "baby, please. you need to talk to me."

you shake your head, quiet tears falling from your closed eyes.

"baby-"

"no, chris." you sigh as he takes your hands in his. slowly rubbing circles along your knuckles. "i cant fucking take it anymore." opening your eyes, you find his eyes start to well up with tears. begging to fall down, but he keeps himself from falling undone in front of you. wanting to keep the situation as stable as possible.

"what?" he asks, exasperation lacing his shaking voice. "what cant you take anymore?"

"i love you chris, but your fans-"

"fuck them."

"you don't mean that."

the same sad laugh that you let out before, escapes his throat this time. "no i dont."

you smile lightly, but the flowing tears pushes back your moment of happiness.

"its almost wednesday, and we havent filmed a video yet-" you start to cut him off but he shakes his head. "no- matt and nick see it too. they'll talk about it i promise."

"chris..." you sigh, searching his teary blue eyes.

"just please, please... dont leave because of some stupid fans." he pleads. a single tear navigating down his cheek.

you drop his hand, reaching down to wipe it away with your thumb. hes slow to bring his own hand up, cupping your hand against his cheek.

your frown only deepens when he turns your palm to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your open hand. "please, baby. i love you way to much to let you get to wrapped up in something like this. your my entire world and i cant believe-" he pauses to laugh, "i cant believe that i lived 18 years of my life without you there. and i cant imagine what it would be like without you."

"just... stay." he frowns, pressing another sad kiss to your knuckles.

you slide down, off the couch. leaning over to wrap your arms around the crying boy. "im sorry... i love you, baby."

he lets out a simple sigh of relief, wrapping his around you. fully embracing you into the hug. "i love you."

TAGLIST

@thetriplets3 @theboyz-delulu @stxrniqlo

[clouisluvr]

dating sean diaz hcs!!

first of all. he is so Comfy like.. when you both hang out hes always in a freshly washed, soft cotton shirt and shorts (basically how he looks at his grandparents house in ep2) .. fluffy socks too for sure and he always smells SO good like laundry detergent but also a hint of cologne😭 he wants you to be super comfortable as well so u probably show up to the diaz house in pyjamas

they for sure got the ethnic blankets™️ in the diaz house so yall are in his bed like this :

sean loves to cook or bake with you .. i think it’d be a little competition of who makes the nicest food. i think sean wld be a good cook but a HORRIBLEE baker!!😭 measurements are all wrong, cakes either rise too much or too little, and he manages to burn whatever he makes every time lmaoo. so even though he knows he’ll lose at baking, he does it anyway just to see you win.

movie marathons are a MUST in ur relationship!! u have an extremely long notes list w all the movies u guys have to see and u watch one every friday after school. daniel occasionally adds cartoons to the list🫶

as much as he finds daniel annoying (and realistically daniel is ALWAYSS gonna be hovering around yall a little bit) he wants you to like daniel because he loves daniel more than anything (even though sean before the events of ep1 rarely shows it) he cant be in a relationship with someone that doesnt love daniel, its definitely an ick for him when other people call daniel annoying. sean can insult daniel but nobody else can!!!

esteban is definitely a leave the door a few inches open kinda dad😭 fine with you guys staying in seans room but doesnt wanna give you guys too much freedom. he’d definitely trust and love whoever seans with and accept them as part of his family <3

sean cleared a little space in his wardrobe for you! filled with mostly a couple hoodies, joggers and pyjamas!

okay hear me out ,, sean likes to match outfits but NOOTT in a cringe way more in like a subtle, ‘it’ couple way. like yall will have the same hoodie but he’ll have it in black and you’ll have it in white.

sean likes pretty laidback displays of affection. maybe a hand around ur shoulder or interlocking pinkies .. nothing too over the top, but always some form of physical contact to remind you of his presence!

you’ve definitely washed and styled his hair a couple times and sean absolutely ADORES the feeling of ur fingers running through his hair… he always shyly asks if you could scratch his scalp a bit and you always always do! if he has the superior sean haircut in ep3 where its grown out, you definitely brush and blowdry it to make sure it looks good

sean always has music playing in the back when ur in his room 100%. u guys probably have countless collaborative spotify playlists (i personally think sean is a frank ocean enthusiast) he associates so many different songs with you and loves making new memories attached to good songs

sean draws candid portraits of you like all the time. he just thinks you look so beautiful when you’re focused on a movie or immersed in a book or intensely trying to finish your homework. you always kind of notice he’s drawing you after a while, but dont want him to get self conscious so you pretend you have no clue

its currently 12am and im sooo sleepy and cant be asked to read over this so im sorry if there’s any typos or its not super gender neutral lmao i was writing it as a bit of a self insert i fear ..

hopefully this is decent enough for a first post🤞🏽 enjoy sean diaz lovers!!

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hey! I got a matchup a while back, and lately I have been craving another one😭 so if it's alright could I get romantic matchups for tears of themis, genshin, and atla? If not that's fine ofc💕

I use She/her pronouns but I've never really cared very much, I'm Bi but I'd like Male matchups for this one if that's alright (I love women but idk none of the women in these fandoms are like my type??? Idk)

Not sure if you use looks to pick, but I'm 5'7, longish brown hair and brown eyes, kinda chubby I'd say, and I wear glasses!

Ok so for the good stuff, I'm an enfp and a virgo and I have gad and adhd so I am very all over the place lol, I'm usually very energetic and loud (got called a human pep rally once) but every once in a while I take a hard turn the other way and do absolutely nothing lol.

Taking thing seriously is kinda hard for me, idk why but I'm very much the deflect and cope using comedy kind of person.

Personal life wise I'm the oldest of four (love my siblings) so loud is kinda the default in my life so I'm pretty comfortable in loud environments, but if I get a chance at peace and quiet I am JUMPING for it.

I have a few plants, I bake quite a bit (I make BOMB brownies), I'm very much a nerd lol, I love comics (fandom request gave that away tho), I play dnd, I love video games (rdr2, mk11 and mass effect are the current ones), I watch cartoons and build legos, and I'm learning how to draw.

I'm big into flowers and flower language, and I play guitar, alto saxophone, steal drum, and I have a violin I'm gonna start working on soon.

This turned out alot longer then I thought so the speedrun of the rest is although I dont often, I really like putting work into how I look (I just got a treble cleft claw clip with some dangly thingys and I like it I just wanted to mention that), no clue how to to makeup tho, I'm planning on going into communications, and uhh my favorite colors are pink and blue.

Thank you so much if you get to this

Hi Abby! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!

In Tears of Themis, I match you with...

If there’s one thing that drew Luke to you, it’s the fact that you enjoy peace and quiet. He loves being in your presence when it’s quiet around. He just finds it soothing.

Definitely understands you using humour to cope. He does the same so he knows when it turns from just making jokes to coping and will check in when needed.

Please invite him to do gardening together some time. He likes being able to do something where he’s creating and nurturing life. It’s a good change from what he usually does.

Flower language is a big part of your relationship. I see Luke as someone who’s well versed in flower language so every bouquet he gives you has a hidden meaning behind it.

He also enjoys drawing so it’s not uncommon for you to find a sticky note beside your bed with a little drawing on it when he has to leave early in the morning. If you return the gesture, he’ll keep all your drawings in a safe place so he can look back over them.

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

You and Itto are both the definition of human pep rallies so when your powers combine, no one can stand in your way. You can both be a lot sometimes but you get along well.

He also struggles to take things seriously so he’s a lot more understanding in that regard than others are sometimes. You just get each other.

In a modern au, Itto would be a huge fan of cartoons. He’s a firm believer than cartoons aren’t just for kids and still loves watching all those “childhood” shows.

In the same vein, he also loves Lego. I can’t see him being a big fan of tricky sets but he enjoys all of the bright colours. He’d love to make a set or two with you sometime.

I can see Itto being a fan of D&D as well. I think it might take him a bit to get his head around the different types of rolls and doing so much maths but he loves the roleplay elements and thinks it’s great fun. (I actually wrote this while playing a D&D session!)

In Avatar: The Last Airbender, I match you with...

You’ve got to be a certain level of energetic to keep up with Sokka’s plans. And you certainly meet that criteria. Sokka loves being around someone who can match his energy.

In a modern au, he’s definitely a fan of comics. He’s the type of person who buys two of every comic, one to read and one to keep in pristine condition.

For all his self-awareness, Sokka does have a tendency to deflect so he can easily recognise when you’re doing the same. He hopes you know you can rely on him if things get too much.

When he does run out of energy, there’s nothing that Sokka loves more than relaxing while listening to you play music. He finds it soothing both because of the music and because of your presence.

Please do lots of baking for him! Sokka will never admit it but he does have a soft spot for snacks, especially if you’ve made them.

[team-sleeps]

Sorry to word it so crudely but it always kinda bothered me how like,,, borderline horny all of House's co-workers were for constantly trying to get him to quit his meds cold turkey. And I'm not saying this in a way where I'm saying it shouldn't have been written that way, but rather I think it effectively brings up a very interesting aspect that sometimes befalls people who live with disabling amounts of pain.

Like I totally understand that when something is being abused that it has potentially devastating effects to a person's life. But as someone who deals with chronic pain that has no identifiable source and is refused access to pain meds cause they think I Dont Need Them™, it really sucks having someone else telling you how You feel for you.

Out of all the times that people tried to convince him to drop the pills, how many actually sat down with him and asked him about his pain and quality of life before considering the solutions?? They didn't draw out and plans and say "Ok, we know you're pain on a bad day makes it difficult to do x y z and tedious doing a b c on a good day even, so this is how we can account for this." They just basically shamed him for relying on medication to function every time, for their own moral comfortability.

I think the only people who understood him in that sense was Thirteen and then later on Wilson after he went through his cancer arc. Sometimes you have to do your best to live your own idea of your best life, whatever that means to each person. And I'm not saying people shouldn't account for their health and well-being as well as the well-being of their loved ones, of course they should!

But not everyone's reality looks the same. Some people get up and run every morning. Others may struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. But that doesn't make either of them any less or more deserving of the tools that they need to live their daily lives. And I hope one of the bigger takeaways that people get from that plot is that there has to be a balance to the idea of Helping a loved one with chronic pain or disabilities. You can absolutely encourage them to make good choices for their health and even be a part of that routine out of care. But don't shame them for the aids they may or may not have to use to just be able to function on a daily ya know?

[confessions-official]

Tw ed and possible depression?

I feel sick when I think about if I'm depressed or not. I dont like using that word, I havent earned it. I have a loving family and the best girlfriend in the world. I dont wanna die, I just dont wanna exist. I dont wanna do anything except smoke weed, Which helps things not seem so dim. It makes me feel less. Bored I guess. I sont wanna do anything. I dont wanna game, I dont wanna talk to my family, I dont wanna talk to my friends, I dont wanna talk to my girlfriend, I dont wanna draw, I dont wanna do my work, I dont wanna get out of bed. But I do. I know people who are depressed who cant make themself gwt out of bed.

I feel like a faker. I cant tell anyone I feel this way because it'd be unnecessary burden to them, And their lives are already hard enough without me adding to it. I don't want to tell anyone the bad stuff because then they'd think the same way, But mt life isnt even that bad. Its hard to say or send anything because my body just. Doesnt let me. I'll be trying to post a silent cry for help and automatically exit out and cancel the post. I'll write it all up and instead of hitting send I delete it all.

I dont even eat half the time anymore. I wait until its unbearable and affecting me to eat. I used to tell my gf because when she tells me to eat I do, But I stopped. I dont wanna bother her. Nobody notices either, Since in our house we usually only eat dinner together, And that's if my dad doesnt have to work. He leaves at 3 o'clock every day so its not like he can see if I'm eating or not.

Im doing better in school now, I was trying but. Now I'm not. It doesnt matter though. I dont even remember what grade I'm in. Being homeschooled means I never have to see or speak to anyone. Its what I wanted anyways. Less work. Less hours. Less effort lower goals yet higher outcomes. I had 3 F's almost constantly in school, Now I only have one, And the rest are A's and B's.

Its easy when you can search anything and everything up. If I have an essay I read the wiki page for whatever its about and I've only gotten 100%'s in english so far. My overall grade is a 100% for english actually

I just dont understand. I dont hate myself do I? I thought i finally loved myself. I thought i finally fixed it i fixed myself i was finally better i was normal. Theres no reaskn i should be feeling so desprately lost and so alone nd so. Sad

I'm sorry. I know this isnt the blog for this, I know this is for confessions but this is the only place I can say any of this. I couldnt tell anyone in my life that I dont wanna exist, Or that I think my brain snapped, Or that I have serious problems. I hate this. I just want someone to know and care. I just want someone to notice something is wrong. Itd make it so much fucking easier if I coulrnt jide behind the lie of 'im okay'

 

[wiihtigo]

hi kobias :) I can't think of something interesting to ask. uh, maybe, who are some of your favorite DC comic artists and why (super duper hardmode: can't say Greg Smallwood)

hello doohan :) (kicking my millions of saved human target covers and panels back under the bed) NO...

hmm off the top of my head, im such a huge fan of adam hughes work seriously...of course i discovered him through his work on justice league international hes drawn two of my favorite covers..i feel so #blessed he just happened to work on jli and draw a bunch of cute boosters before dedicating his life to drawing sexy catwomans (also i think its cute his artist signature is AH!)

of course speaking of jli i have to say kevin maguire. i swear this isnt turning into "my top booster artists" but i do love that whenever hes at cons he always has like 8 pieces of booster and beetle both to sell just cuz he likes drawing them so much. Hes most famous for his Funny Faces (drawing expressions very realistically) and i seriosly love it so much. I will say though i had a complaint with the way his art was colored in formerly known as the justice league and jla classified i thought it made it look kind of bad i did not like the weird shading style i dont think it suited his pencils at all. sorry. sorry. sorry. his art shines best imo in jli (i think i just have a bias for older comics I have the same things to say about dan jurgens art...maybe its that i prefer the flat coloring to the Every Panel Painstakingly Rendered in most modern comics today? i still love both their art but i mean if i had to choose id choose one of their older comics theyve drawn for. Speaking of dan jurgens i wanna give a shoutout to the first comic book colorist i ever looked up because i was so impressed with the coloring in the comic- Nansi Hoolahan! there was a lot of nice pinks and blues used in boosters first solo and everything just looked so nice it really made dans art shine)

the more time i have to think about artists i like the most i have to kick myself in the shins and speed round myself so i dont end up listing 1million people. OH i remember really loving Mark Badgers art in martian manhunters 1988 mini series. Its such a pleasing unique style i love it

i promise i really am trying to be clear cut and concise here. I loved richard case and simon bisleys (respectively) stuff in doom patrol.

DP was a huge pool of cool crazy and unique art as soon as grant morrison stepped in to match their crazy writing it was such a treat to read through.

ok lets see. ty templeton. kyle baker. ramona frandon. jorge corona. doc shaner. Oh also todd nauck of young justice fame. everything looks so clunky i love it

[knightlyrogue]

i know youll never see this either, just like the pipebomb i left in your messages the other day but i unblocked you recently on discord. it was because i got sick of seeing you on my blocked list fast so i just removed you from it. hopefully by now its been long enough that youll just leave mw alone. i fear one day i will crawl back to you but i really really dont want to so i will not turn back to the best of my ability which isnt all that much to begin with. i still have the drawings of ika under my bed. i know my old art is literally terrible to look at but idk. im trying to get better at it so i can draw for commissions or something when im in college. its a little tough right now to not tbink about you but im getting there i just have to cope with the fact i am cutting off everything i thought would be close to me forever. youre the closest thing to my heart, you know. i hope you know the closeness of you. i felt your every breath you were so close i felt the hot air leave your nose. im sorry. you mentioned everything was life or death to me and thats something i am a little hung up on. i know my feelings and i drown in them and i feel like its a little stupid to say that about someone who has bpd to be honest. everything feels like life or death, including this. things as simple as sleep is life or death to me. i love you but i have to go otherwise im going to drown in your absence and i dont want to live like that i have to learn to swim. i love you so so much words fail. they have always failed me. you have hurt me time and time again but i cannot blame you. i think. i dont know anymore. you say ive known you the longest but if that were the case i feel like you would have treated me better in comparison to those who have treated you worse. i am sorry. youre beautiful, you know that? so much so. you impacted me much more than you know and i know youll say youre aware of it but youre not. youre so not. i have to move on with my life but i really really dont want to because i havent ever had anyone this close to me as you are and i dont know whats going to happen to me if i go but im still in the woods if you want to come find me but i will leave soon. very soon. i know what you'll choose eventually and for that i hope you feel the terrible things you have made me feel but i hopw it works out too. i will take your absence as proof of you never loving me at least not as much as you said you did. i hope you prove me wrong. please prove me wrong. i dont know what im gonna do without you i feel clouded and not all here because its like you ripped out bits and pieces of me after i tore you out of my body like the poison you were. i hope you kill me from the blood loss. but i dont at the same time i miss you and im sorry for being so terrible. this is not me saying this in a way that fishes for your sympathy but in a way that comes from my heart. i want this all to stop i want to forget about you but i love you so much and for that i am sorry. even though i think youre not even affected all that much by my absence. a cruel part of me hopes you are though that cruel part of me is aching and snapping his jaws at the idea that you are hurting just as much as he is. as much as i am. goodbye.

[stovvvveb]

I hate beeing left alone

Im so grateful for my little sister whos the only one who stays at home when everyone leaves for work

Everytime im left alone my thoughts grow louder

I hate listening to them

I hate feeling lifeless

My sister has cried many times when my parents dont let her outside

She cries saying how much she hates when school ends because now she has to spend two whole months stuck surrounded by four walls with nothing to do

I have felt the same way for most of my life

And it hurts me to leave her when i go on small trips to queens or places with my sister

I feel terrible because I understand that feeling so well

Having to be excluded from every social event or any fun trip with cousins not siblings because i didnt grow up with them

Not until i was nine i met my oldest sibling

Even then there was a clear distinction in our relationship beyond age

But thats another topic

I digress, i plan on having reading time with my little sister

Where we both read for an hour or split it throughout the day

To give our minds a break from internet and also to have some brain nourishment i dont know

Every time im left alone i start to feel trapped or suffocated

I wish i could go outside beyond my yard

I want to go to parks and i want to ride a bike

I want to walk to grocery shops or delis even if they’re located thirty minutes or more away

Ive also cried many times just like her

Except i dont throw full on tantrums and destroy the sofas at the same time

My parents never really make time for my sister

Or for any of us

My mom even jokes about how my sister only talks about me

How she only listens to me and not her

Or how im the only one whos able to calm her down when she cant stop crying

I dont really want this responsibility

And i lash out sometimes that shes her mother!

But then I remember that my parents are constantly working

As much as i might not like it, i have to be selfless and share the burden with my parents since im the only one available

I told my brother once how I understood and felt the same way as my sister

How excluded i felt as a kid from my family

Ermm he reacted by mocking me and saying aww with pursed lips that made me want to punch him sooo bad

I guess he wouldn’t understand since he grew up in not only a different country but with cousins and a sibling about their age

Lame

That feeling of exclusion wasnt helped when i also felt like the only cousins that i did have and were my age only visited my house for my internet and not because they wanted to see me

I wonder if that joke was serious or if it had some truths in it

My cousin who ive grown closer to? Has told me many times how he genuinely hated me or was annoyed by me when we were younger

So when my little sisters cries or expresses that she feels similar to this way i just want to hug her and tell her that its okay you have me here too

Iiiiiii find it hard to express that

Earlier we fought and it got a little bad

She cried

I felt really bad

I later apologized and i offered to massage her hand

She hasn’t said that she’s forgiven me but i dont want forgiveness i just want her to know im sorry

I want to make her a nice breakfast tomorrow

Ill even start making the bed more often

I really feel like the worst sibling alive

I dont play often with her

I mean not like hide and seek and stuff

We draw together

We read together

Watch movies

But like play toys and stuff we never really did

This summer ill make it up to her

We will play outside

Its so hard for me though

Most days I genuinely feel like doing nothing

I hate something and im always languish or walking around and laying down like a ghost

Ill have to force myself

Maybe we can do activities we both like outside

And we cab even try to bake together

I have many ideas

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[slutboybarbie]

i have never seen a sub tasm peter before just to let u know 🙄

(u totally dont have to do it or anything tho)

I LOVE HIM😮‍💨

Needy

Sub!Peter Parker x Reader

18+

Warnings: Mommy kink, clingy Peter, lots of praise, like one use of the word “puppy”

Sorry if this is kind of short :(

~~~~

"Poor thing.", you cooed at Peter, hands wandering his body teasingly.

He'd been extra clingy tonight, not leaving your side once and while it had you a bit concerned, you didn't mind much.

Now the two of you were in your bed where you were supposed to be sleeping but Peter just couldn't stop fidgeting.

"What is it baby, gotta use your words."

"Need you, please." He murmured, eyes fluttering when your hands went under his shirt, nails lightly dragging against his smooth skin.

"Hm I dunno if that's good enough. Try again." You said with a grin, leaning down to kiss his neck.

"Want you to touch me, please mommy. It-it hurts.", the title is practically whispered but it makes you perk up, now understanding why he was acting like this.

"Oh baby," you mumble before pecking his lips, "that's what it is? You need mommy tonight?" He nods his head as a whimper tumbles from his pouted lips.

"Well go on, show mommy where it hurts."

He hesitates but grabs your hand, dragging it down his body until you reach his pajama pants. You feel the raised material, Peter's obvious arousal bringing a grin to your face.

You begin to palm him through the thin material, watching his face as his eyes flutter and his head tips back, exposing the milky white skin of his throat.

You lean forward, unable to help yourself from wanting to mark his pretty skin. Sure the bruises would be healed by the morning but you could always just leave more.

Peters hips jerk up to your hand, groans and pleas leaving his lips.

Deciding to take pity on him, you maneuver him to where he's in between your legs, back to your chest.

You move your hand back to his pants, only this time inside them, the skin on skin contact drawing a loud moan from the older boy.

"You're such a sweet boy," you begin, whispering into Peters ear as the two of you watch you jerk him off, "letting me take care of you. Always so good for me, my good boy."

His eyes shut, unable to handle the praise and the sight before him, but you don't like that.

You pause your movements, causing Peter to whine, "No. You're gonna watch.", he slowly opens his eyes again and you begin to move your hand again, "There we go, good job my love."

He's still overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time, which frustrates him but he's not able to formulate his words.

Luckily he had you, and you always knew what he needed.

Using your unoccupied hand you tap his lips with two fingers, "Open up pretty baby." He obeys without hesitation and you smile, "Suck."

Peter happily obliges, the weight on his tongue grounding him and pushing him further towards his orgasm.

You can tell he's getting close, the exposed part of his lower stomach clenching with every stroke of your hand. You make your fist a bit tighter, focusing more on the head of his length and Peter whimpers around your digits, the sound muffled.

"Cmon puppy, be a good boy and cum all over mommy's hand."

You can hear Peters breath hitch in his throat, his moans and whines becoming progressively higher as he nods around your fingers.

"Yeah? Gonna be a good little bitch and make a mess on your tummy?"

That seems to push Peter over the edge, one last stroke of your hand and he cums, on your fist and his stomach, some reaching his shirt. You help him through it, kissing his forehead and murmuring praises.

When he finally comes down from his high you chuckle softly, removing your fingers from his mouth and wiping them on his shirt, "Let's go clean you up."

[lockleysfav]

Safer in my arms

steven x gender neutral reader

Stevens mother finally comes to see him, he is full of excitement but the feeling isnt mutual. Luckily, you get there in time

warnings: trauma, steven panicking, fluff towards the end.

Steven groaned and sat up to hear another set of bangs at his door causing him to jump, he quickly unstrapped his ankle restraint and ran his fingers through his ragged curls. He got to the door and looked through the peephole only for his heart to sink, it was his mother.

Joy flooded through him as he swung the door open with a huge loving grin “Hello mum!” he pulled her into a hug only to be pushed back harshy almost tripping on his own feet. “Mum? a-are you okay? did i hurt you?” he let out a nervous laugh, fidgeting with his sleeves “i-im sorry if i did im just so excited to see y-” he was cut off by a slap across his cheek “Do not..talk to me like you didnt murder your own brother marc. You took my baby..you took everything and you had the nerve to leave like the coward you are!” she screamed at him, slowly walking towards him as stevens eyes widened, tears welling in his eyes he stepped back in fear of being struck again. “mum i-its me steven” she laughed and gritted her teeth.

“God you and that Steven, always an excuse to be ignorant and pretend what happened to your brother never even happened am i right?” Stevens mouth slightly hung open while he desperately tried to say something, his heart was pounding but the more it pounded the more it was breaking. “ANSWER ME!” she raised her hand but was pulled back and thrown to the floor with a loud crash as she collided with a set of draws. Your stomach flipped at the sight of Stevens face in absolute shock, horror and heartbreak. You grabbed her by her shirt and dragged her out, leaning down against her ear to whisper “if you ever, and i mean ever step foot in this building again or even in the same city as Steven or Marc i will fucking kill you do you understand? you’re not his mother you are a pathetic bitch who cant see how wonderful her own son truly is” you heaved in anger, she eyed you on more time and you were practically daring her to try something.

She got up and left, you watched as the elevator door shut and went back into the room seeing Steven clutching where his heart was “Steven…baby” you rushed over to him as his knees buckled and sobs escaped his mouth “shh it’s okay, its okay shes gone” you pulled him into your arms and held tightly onto his shaking hands to calm him down. Kisses peppered the sides of his head and he leaned into every one of them.

“Why- why would she hurt me i dont understand? i was so happy to see her” Your heart shattered. Your blood boiled everytime Steven was hurt especially by someone. You gently brushed a single curl from his sweaty skin and kissed it softly “She doesn’t deserve a son like you Steven, you’re not a coward you are the bravest man i know. Remember when you summoned your suit for the first time and you fought the big monster? you were so so brave. I was so proud of you and i still am now. i always will be” He kissed your hand and you watched a tear fall down his cheek “hey, look at me” you whispered, he looked up at you and you gave a small smile “My beautiful boy” you wiped away his tears and stood up with him guiding him into bed and into the soft covers.

Once you were both in, he snuggled into your body sniffling “i love you so much y/n” he mumbled into your shirt causing you to smile lovingly at his position “i love you” you replied gently scratching his scalp. Within minutes the room was filled with his soft snores, that was your cue to get some sleep too.

—

Thank you for reading!

my requests are always open!

[reilliane]

reilliane- RELI- alternate universe where Kazuha actually buries his wanderlust under the dirt and enjoys life with v!mc(who obv knows what kazuha’s doing and subtly makes him wander out abit more by sending him on errands.) for a few years, but every kazuha must submit to their desire to wander.

or, or — now this one is albedo—, rhinedottir actually made 2 prototypes. the first being a female one she created as a test and pretty much made on a whim(this one was co-created by alice. rhine did all the alchemic-sciency-frankenstien things while alice created the look and gave them a name[rhine wanted to just name her ‘prototype #1 ; test’ and alice went “NOPE :D!” slams a sheet of paper with names listed on it onto the table, “Pick a name, any name! All are lovely!”[i imagine she says it like those circus ppl who are like, advertising their show or smth].). the second (primodial) being a male and being, basically the ground layout for her most prized possession, albedo.

Both of them ([name] <- bc w/ this i dont read ‘yen’ & primodial guy) being thrown away and fed to durin</3. They both aid each other in leaving the (now dead) dragon’s stomach. Primodial goes on a path of inferiority complex and revenge or smth, while [name] just lives life🤷‍♀️. She bumps into Albedo — he legitimately froze when he saw her, he had seen his master’s notes and drawings of her previous two ‘failed’ homunculi. he thought that they were.. well, dead though. but then again he had gone through the whole ‘who’s who?’ fiasco with his bitter imposter. — and just smiles, tilting her head to the side and her eyes, though dull and emotionless, carry a familiar sparkle from his new family. “albedo” she says his name with an unsure voice, eyes never leaving his almost as if she was inspecting him. “was it? sorry, i wasnt exactly around when master planned you.”

Albedo flinches and immediately covers her mouth with his hands. To outsiders, an uncharacteristic move. To her and whomever may know of their origins, a panicked and fearful move desperate to keep it under the rug. “Sorry.” She removes his hands, “Let’s talk in that freezer-lab, yeah?”

-🦧i just love that albedo brainrot and i tried writing a fic outta it in my own blog but just ended up posting a wip😔 anyway, [Name] is alice’s ‘first’ daughter. So big sister![Name] and little brother!Albedo(+primodial) and little sister!Klee :DD (also, also, maybe [name] has a bit of alice’s personality). Mm, bed time for real now.

Kazuha sacrificing his desire to wander (albeit for a short while) in order to just live life with MC :((( my hart, my hART

Ofc MC's still aware that Kazuha probably wants to wander n all, I like to think she hints that her bro can do as he wishes. She'll be fiiiiiine~

When the time comes that Kazu prolly does want to go, he'll invite nee-san the same way he did in Resolve. Cause cmon, MC may not have a vision but she has a superpower and that's called being a nee-san-/SLAPPED

aw, kazu hungry? no worries, she can whip up a feast even out in the wild.

is that a hilichurl about to smack him?? pUNCH ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤˋ⁻̫ˊ)—̳͟͞͞o

the prICE For THiS ProDUcT Is maDLy HIgh? She didnt learn all those lessons for nothing, she about to talk business with a 🤗🤗 face

—

(i felt that reading y/n as 'yen' LMAO though in my case i read it yin JSDHAJKDHAS)

that idea is cool! just albedo gaping like "omygo i heard about you sis"

imagine primordial just showing up to enact revenge and instead finds his twin with albedo lmao 😭💀

he's like, unleashing this elsa snowstorm then sees MC along with the group and then trying to take it bacK LIKE:

"YAW WHAT THE SHUCK ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE??? GET BACK HERE WOMAN THIS INSTANT"

[eddiemunsonisveryhot]

Wayne and Eddie Munson

I definitely didn’t cry while writing this 🤫

——————————————————————————

On Eddie’s birthday when he was younger Wayne would try and make the cake but they would always look horrendous but Eddie couldn’t be happier 

Wayne would cut Eddie’s hair and it would go something like this : “Careful Wayne you almost cut me !” “Stop being so dramatic Eddie… your going to look amazing” “I always do”

Wayne would have worked double shifts just to save up for Eddie’s guitar

Eddie got his guitar on Christmas when he was 11 . He begged for a guitar for months after listening to his first black sabbath tape .

Wayne would refer to Eddie as “my boy” “son” and “Ed’s” but when he was in trouble he would call him “Edward”

Wayne loved Eddie more than anything, Eddie was his pride and joy

Eddie would definitely try and convince Wayne to start watching shows like ‘Trick or Treat’ and ‘Airheads’ but Wayne would be like “I think I will stick to only fools and horses”

Wayne gave up the only bedroom in the trailer to Eddie so instead he would use a pull out mattress

Eddie would draw photos for Wayne and he would keep every single one of them

Wayne would have a photo of Eddie in his wallet so they are ‘never apart’

This next part is more sad so if you are still sensitive about Eddie or haven’t watched volume 2 yet then don’t read <3

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

When Wayne saw Chrissy in his trailer he thought that someone had murdered her and kidnapped Eddie

When he first put up his first missing poster for Eddie he felt like his heart shattered . The only thing he had was Eddie and now he was gone . He had looked after Eddie since he was little and now he could be gone forever .

Wayne never forgave himself.

He would wear Eddie’s necklace everyday for the rest of his life

Wayne went to the Prison for the first time ingests to see his brother “Wayne? What are you doing here” “Umm … I have some news … about Eddie” Wayne said fighting off his tears “What’s the little fucker done now ?” “Dont you dare talk about him like that” Wayne snapped “sorry geez” “E-eddie …. passed.. away”. “Well I’m surprised he didn’t die sooner he was such a baby just like his mum” and with that Wayne walked away . He never went to see his brother again after what he said

Wayne had to see a councillor to help with his grief

He still went to all of the corroded coffin concerts but it wasn’t the same without Eddie there

It took him a long time to recover from Eddie’s death but he never forgot about him

Wayne had a album of photos of Eddie from when he was a baby to a young adult but on the pages there would be circular stains from when he would cry while looking at the photos

He had Eddie’s guitar hung over his bed so at night he would be reminded of him

He couldn’t even look at his hellfire shirt without bursting into tears . Eddie was his son and now he was gone forever

[turtle-steverogers]

i was thinking but do you know the unsent project? it is this website where you can write a message to your first love that you never sent to them. now imagine steve writing one (or multiple) to bucky after he came out of the ice after nat told him about it... yeah

hello hi anon this broke me and it was too perfect not to turn into a ficlet klafjldskjfalskf thank you

-

Unsent Letters

To:

Steve’s fingers freeze over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at him. It feels like it’s taunting him-- teasing him with the burden of choking out a name. What should he even say? The sender is anonymous, but how many people are named Bucky out there? Would anyone even care?

To: Bu

Steve huffs and backspaces, his hands trembling as he curls them into fists. He isn’t sure what provoked Natasha to tell him about this website. It’s a cruel tease to everything he wishes he could say-- wished he could say before Bucky slipped through his fingers. And now his only option is yelling into an abyss. The text box is black and daunting. He turns it yellow. No, too happy. Green. Yes, that’s fine. Bucky’s favorite color was always green.

His gaze wanders away from the screen of his hefty Dell laptop and out the window of his apartment. DC’s low rising buildings span out in front of him. His gut aches; he misses New York already. But he knows being there would only mangle his soul further, seeing his already alien home torn to shreds by literal space whales. He huffs, thinking of Bucky’s comics. His stories came to life after all. Bucky would have probably vibrated out of his skin if he knew there was other life out there.

To: My astronaut

How’s space treating you? It’s treating me pretty badly, if I’m being honest. If only you could see what it’s done to Brooklyn. I think you’d be pretty mad at it if you knew…

Steve hesitates, reading back over what he’s typed. It’s stupid as hell, and he cringes, but he doesn’t backspace. His fingers find the keys again.

I miss you something awful. I don’t think that even encompasses how much I’m hurting without you. I feel so lost right now-- space is much bigger and scarier than you’d think. I know you’d love it. I wish you could see bits of it, but god, I just want to go home. I want you to come home.

Steve freezes again and finds the screen blurry where tears have welled in his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pictures the way Bucky would laugh at him-- teasing him for his dramatics and ruffling his hair. He wishes he could be there now, rolling his eyes and nudging Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you upsetting yourself for?” He’d say, gently closing the laptop and coaxing Steve into his arms. “I’m right here, pal.”

And if Steve closes his eyes, he can almost feel Bucky’s warmth enveloping him. But he’s not there. He’s dead, and Steve’s a goddamn ghost, drifting through a future that doesn’t know him.

He opens his eyes and stares at the text box, then clicks submit.

The screen loads, and his message is gone, his pain forever documented in the abyss.

-

For someone who fought aliens two weeks after waking up from his impromptu seventy year sleep, Steve’s life is pretty monotonous. He contemplates this unfortunate fact as he stands in front of his toaster, hair sticking up on the back of his head as he nurses a mug of coffee and waits for his toast to pop.

It’s 5:45 in the morning and he tries to remember a time when he didn’t rise this early. Before the war, perhaps. Though, he’s always been a bit of an early bird. His home life was sporadic to put it lightly and he’d learned from an early age that the sooner he was awake, the better it was for everyone. Vigilance is not a new concept for Steve.

He hasn’t always stayed up late, though. That’s certainly new, and he feels this fact viscerally as he catches sight of his reflection in the microwave. There are bags under his eyes that will be gone by mid-morning thanks to the serum. Dermatologists hate him, Natasha says. Steve thinks he’s pretty lucky that the serum more or less equipped him with a built-in anti-aging agent. His father had started balding by thirty.

His toast pops and he starts a little, blinking blearily at the slightly burnt bread as he pulls it out of the toaster with his thumb and forefinger. He spreads on the same raspberry jam and butter that he uses every morning and tries not to think of how bland it tastes in his mouth as he eats it standing at the counter. Another routine.

He tries not to look at last night’s dishes in the sink as he stacks his plate and silverware on top and doesn’t bother sorting out his hair before pulling on his sneakers and slipping out of his apartment. The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, only the beginning tendrils of light sneaking over the low tops of the DC buildings, and Steve vaguely regrets not grabbing a sweatshirt before he left. It’s not quite Summer yet and the mornings could still get pretty cool.

He’s about to take off down the street when he freezes. Natasha is sitting on the steps of his complex, wearing a pair of pink tinted sunglasses and tossing up and down the keys to her car. Steve blinks, rubs his eyes, then blinks again. Nope. She’s still there.

“Nat?”

Natasha looks up at him and smiles. “Hello.”

Steve shifts, uncomfortable. “Hi. You need something? Is there a mission?”

“No,” Natasha says lightly, standing. “You’re not running this morning, though. Come on, I’m taking you to Starbucks.”

“What?”

“Starbucks. You’re going to try it.”

“I don’t want--”

“Steve, you do the same thing every day. Step out of your comfort zone a little.”

Steve frowns, but Natasha’s right-- he really doesn’t ever stray from his routine.

“Fine,” he says, and twenty minutes later, they’re strolling into the nearest Starbucks.

He’s only been in one before, and that was to use the restroom while on a run. He’d bought a water bottle in an attempt to not be rude and use their facilities without giving them any business, but he hadn’t even considered the expansive menu. All the fancy names were too daunting.

They’re just as daunting now as he stares up at the board, heart hammering out of his chest as he’s faced with indecision. Natasha takes one look at his face, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.

“I’ll order something for you,” she says. “What kind of coffee do you like?”

Steve gives her a pained look. “Um… just coffee?”

Natasha quirks a smile and orders him something called a caramel macchiato. He’ll take it, he guesses.

The drink is too damn sweet and sugary and he almost gags. Still, he was always told to finish what he was given, so he drinks the whole thing.

-

To: Mr. Sweet Tooth

You’d fucking love it here. Everything is packed with sugar and sweetness-- enough to make even my teeth rot. I had something called a caramel macchiato today and it tasted like someone took your ma’s caramels and condensed them into a cup. I couldn’t stand it, but I know if you were here, you’d want at least twelve. I hope you’re enjoying all the sweets you can up in space.

Love, Mr. Boring

-

Steve’s fingers are stiff and frozen as he works at the straps of his stealth suit. The tangy taste of saltwater still sits heavy on his tongue, and he clenches his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering too harshly as he finally peels off his suit. It’s not much better, being naked, but at least the wet fabric isn’t clinging to him anymore.

The mission had been pretty straightforward until some alien tech managed to blast the quinjet to kingdom come, and they all free-fell straight into the freezing Atlantic.

Steve had managed to keep it together as they took down the goddamn mad scientist that fucked them over, but now that he’s home and alone, he can feel the adrenaline crashing.

He’s shaking from more than just the cold as he draws himself a warm bath, and he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to breathe through the panic that wants to engulf his entire being.

He loses time for a bit, and comes back to himself lying in his bed, burrowed under several thick layers. He feels so cold, down to his very soul-- a chill that he can never seem to truly shake, even when he’s warm.

Not for the first time, he wishes Bucky were there to hold him. He slips off to sleep thinking old, comforting thoughts of Bucky rubbing his hands between his own, coaxing his head under his chin to engulf him in that natural warmth of his. He always was a fucking furnace.

But when Steve wakes an hour later, shaking hard enough to move the bed with the force of the nightmare he’d dropped into, Bucky is not there to soothe away the ice.

-

To: JB

im so cold and i cant breathe ever and nothing feels right. I dont know what to do, u were always the problem solver between us and i cant think straight right now and i just want you here please. I cant do this anymore, im so tired please come back. I need you please

-

The Winter Soldier file sits in front of Steve-- a horrifying nightmare wrapped up in a neat brown folder. Residual nausea swirls around in his gut as he comes down from the horrible high of reading through the contents. His hands shake where they grasp the thick paper. His heart clenches hard in his chest.

Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive, and he’s been unmade.

Steve doesn’t know where he is-- if he’s escaped, or if Hydra found him again. It’s been three weeks now since the helicarriers, and he’s only just gotten the courage to sit down and wade through the shit that is Bucky’s reality.

He just hopes he’s safe. God, he hopes.

Sam says he’ll help him look, and Steve needs to know he’s at least out of danger, but he barely knows where to start.

And he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry.

Blinking out of his reverie, Steve looks at his laptop. He feels strange and detached as he reaches for it and logs in.

To: Bucky

And yes, that feels right. He should use his name, since he suspects no one has for a long, long time.

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting so quietly for so long. I understand if you’re not ready to come home-- I understand if you never are. I just hope that you know that there will always be a place with me that is safe. I love you so much and I’m here, forever and always.

Love, Steve.

He’s not naive. He knows it would be dangerous to submit that particular message, so he doesn’t. But that’s okay. That one’s just for him-- for them.

-

“Steve? What is the… Unsent Project?”

Steve frowns and pokes his head out of the kitchen. Bucky is sitting on the couch in the living room, using his laptop, because his own is having storage issues.

Bucky looks at him. “It’s one of your saved tabs. What is it?”

And oh, fuck. Steve had forgotten to remove that from his homepage-- it really wasn’t needed anymore. He blushes all the way to his ears.

“Oh, it’s-- nothing. Not anything important--”

But Bucky has already clicked on the tab.

“The Unsent Project,” he reads aloud. “A collection of unsent text messages to… first… loves…”

He trails off as he processes what he’s looking at, and Steve can’t quite read his expression when he looks at him again. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s some sort of kicked puppy. Steve shifts, uncomfortable.

“Were you sending me… messages? While I was dead?”

Steve swallows. “Um…” and now that Bucky says it out loud, it really does sound quite sad. He shrugs. “It’s Natasha’s fault?”

Bucky shakes his head, clicking on the search bar. He starts to type his name, but Steve shakes his head.

“I didn’t use your name.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, then frowns at him again. “What did you use?”

Steve blushes harder, sitting next to Bucky and taking the laptop from him.

“Um…” he hesitates, then types what he was sure he used as his first alias.

My astronaut

The screen buffers and loads, then fifty or so messages pop up. Steve scrolls down-- it doesn’t take long to find his.

They’re both quiet as they read, and Steve cringes. Jeez, he really had been pretty dramatic. Next to him, Bucky makes a hurt noise.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, taking the laptop back from Steve. He reads the message again, then once more, and reaches out for Steve. “Aw, I’m here now.”

Steve huffs, embarrassed. “I know,” he says. “That was way back, like, three weeks after I woke up.”

Bucky stills. “You fought aliens three weeks after you woke up?”

“... More like two.”

Bucky hums. “Are there others?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, reaching out to type on Bucky’s lap, because Bucky is holding him now and he’s quite reluctant to move. He thinks for a moment, then types in the next one he remembers.

Mr. Sweet Tooth

Bucky laughs, and Steve finds himself smiling.

“I find this funny,” Bucky says. “Because caramel macchiatos are definitely one of my favorites now.”

Steve laughs, too, and butts his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“If only I could tell that to myself back then-- he’d be thrilled.”

“I’m sure,” Bucky says. “Any more?”

Steve hesitates, thinking of the one he’d sent after that nightmare-- when he was low and hurting. Incoherent. He isn’t sure he wants Bucky to see that particular side of his soul, but Bucky has been more than generous in letting him in on his pains nowaday, and it’s not like Bucky hasn’t witnessed Steve’s own current nightmares.

He bites his lip and types in JB. That seems to yield a lot more results, and it takes a while for Steve to find the message.

He hides his face in Bucky’s neck as he reads. Bucky’s arms gradually tighten around him, and a moment later, he feels him kiss the top of his head.

“Honey, I hate that you were hurting so bad,” Bucky mutters against his hair.

Steve shrugs. “We both were,” he says, and it’s true. There’s something to be said about the guilt they both feel for not being able to save the other person at their lowest, but life hasn’t been kind to them. The vitriol, Steve thinks, should be directed at the goddamn universe for keeping them apart, not themselves for fucking dying. They’re working on it.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says. “Is that it?”

Steve shakes his head. “But I never sent the last one.”

“Why not?”

“I wrote it after DC.”

He feels Bucky squeeze him again, and he squeezes back.

“Oh.”

“I just-- I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to come home. That I just wanted you to be safe; needed to know you were safe, but it was up to you. I just needed you to know I was here, if you needed me.”

Bucky pulls back then and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Steve’s surprised for only a moment before he’s kissing back.

“I did know that,” Bucky says against his lips. “I needed time-- I was lost-- but the first thing I knew when I remembered who you were was that you were a safe person, because you’d never force me anywhere.”

Steve kisses him again, then pulls him into a hug. “I’m glad you knew that.” It’s warm, where their chests meet, and Bucky is solid beneath him. Real. He isn’t speaking into an abyss anymore.

-

There’s a sticky note on Bucky’s pillow next to his head when he wakes up the next morning. Steve’s side of the bed is already vacant, and he can’t hear him downstairs. He must have already left for a run.

Propping himself on an elbow, Bucky plucks up the sticky note.

To: My Bucky

Thank you for choosing me to be your home, and thank you forever, for being mine.

I love you with everything I have.

Love, your Steve

Bucky smiles, heart light as he folds the notes. He’ll keep that one with him, he thinks. A little bit of home to bring wherever he goes.

-

anyway yeah fslkjflaskjfls i-- ouch. anything to do with letters w these two hurts me immensely

[6okuto]

Felix thinks his hair has become too long so he decides to cut it just a little bit, but things go wrong and he cuts it too short, really really short. I want his reaction, Rime's reaction (he is back with the group idc we changed him lol) and mc's👀 Maybe at the end mc fixes his hairstyle (felix with an undercut >>>)

— felix accidentally cutting his hair too short

i dont think/know if felix could pull off jay's undercut from windbreaker but i just want to say i haven't even read windbreaker and i would risk it all for him. if jay asked me to play in traffic i'd do it just for a chance with him

tfw you cut a little too short and you say you'll fix it by cutting everything else and it just keeps getting worse

felix stares at himself and tries to plan how he's going to hide this from everyone, especially mc and rime, not realizing mc had already walked in looking for him

"felix, are you in—oh." "mc! wh-what are you doing here i—please stop looking at me like that"

y'know that look on your face when you're trying not to smile or laugh and failing miserably. "trying out a new look?" "spare me."

when mc tries to reassure him that it isn't that bad, whether they're being honest or not, felix just keeps pouting and covers his face with his hands

"i look the same as i did years ago. dreadful."

the fact that this is literally what every man does on purpose. i couldn't even help him here like

"does it look as terrible as i think?" "you definitely...did something guys from earth would do?" "well, that tone of voice isn't exactly comforting."

mc telling him they think he's cute and pretty either way and felix hiding even more because now he's flustered

he refuses to come out of his room.

extremely quick to panic because he knows he's going to get relentlessly bullied for this. the only person who's seen him is mc and he makes them promise not to snitch </3

but without knowing what, exactly, he's done,, anisa makes mc drag him out because he really can't miss this group meeting

there seems to be a new permanent pout/scowl on felix's face

and i think rime is very witty. i think he can think of multiple ways to joke about this scenario. but the first time he sees felix,, completely unexpected ??

rime just starts laughing. straight up cackling. "i didn't think you missed being a teenager this much"

he isn't in here but rime :handshake: sage > making fun of felix

"on the bright side, you look younger. maybe by 10 years but i'm sure that was the goal?"

it's okay guys i can see rime wringing the fun out of it before teasing him and saying he doesn't look horrible. something something i'm sure our beloved mc will adore you either way

Someone Get Felix Out Of There 😔

he looks down a lot and if you watch you can spot him reaching for hair longer than what he has, feeling the shortness and noticing how awkward it is

going back to his room, faceplanting into the bed, and groaning, "do you think i could wear a hat of some sort for the next few months, or maybe find a spell to make hair grow faster? surely there's something to make me invisible at will."

when mc realizes that felix is genuinely upset about it they offer to help try to fix it

"i really can't handle the thought of this getting any worse" "you can trust me, i promise" he sighs but sits in front of the mirror anyway

tangent i would have offered to cut my own hair to make him feel better but that's just me

i think it would be fun if felix had a sensitive neck. y'know when the hair falls on your neck and you brush it away. sorry. moving on

every cutting noise in his ears makes him tense up until he's accepted whatever his fate is. something something the 5 stages of grief

are we rocking with felix with an undercut?! i need someone to draw this

he definitely. isn't used to it. but he's still very grateful that mc was able to help. probably stares at the mirror for a solid 10 seconds in silence before mc gets antsy and says "i know it isn't great but it'll grow out eventually. i'm sorry if you don't love it...i guess it's pretty different from what you had before, huh?" and he gets panicky again before reassuring and thanking them

he could probably kiss them rn to be honest (he kisses them rn.)