#source: hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Artificer: One of the major difficulties with Fighter is learning to distinguish between them pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because they can’t be bothered to think and want someone else to do it for them, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that they actually don't understand what’s going on, and really being genuinely stupid.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Karkat: IN THE BEGINNING I CREATED THE UNIVERSE. THIS HAS MADE A LOT OF PEOPLE VERY ANGRY AND BEEN WIDELY REGARDED AS A BAD MOVE.

[incorrectpowerrangersquotes]

If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Nadira, Power Rangers Time Force

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe.

Commander X2 to Queen Tyr'ahnee

[superiorsturgeon]

STRQ: *fleeing in a stolen Atlas airship after a mission gone horribly wrong*

Summer: Tai! Status report!

Taiyang: *jumping up and down on keyboard* It’s no good Summer! I don’t know the codes!

Summer: Don’t give me excuses! Give me results!

Summer: Navigation!

Raven: *rotating a map back and forth* 😦 ?!?!?!

Summer: 🤦‍♀️

Summer: …all right…let me think…

Ironwood: *gagged and tied to a chair* MmMMmmph!!!

Summer: …and shut him up!

Raven: *smacks the shit out of Ironwood*

Qrow: I’ve been talking to the ship’s computer!

Summer: …and…?

Qrow: …it hates me!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Tony: You know, it's at times like this that I really wish I had listened to what Steve told me.

Rhodes: Why? What did he tell you?

Tony: I don't know. I didn't listen.

[kajiklikesdoodles]

exclusive trillian and (multiple because I’m very indecisive) zaphod post with a little forthur under the cut

[tangents-within-tangents]

Just some things I think deserve a super accurate movie/show adaption in a beautiful 2D animation style:

The How to Train Your Dragon series

Gregor the Overlander

Artemis Fowl

The Adventure Zone

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Frankenstein or the Modern Prometheus

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (fr so much was left out of the 1939 film!)

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass

The actual Little Mermaid story (there are a ton of adaptations I haven't seen yet so maybe it exists somewhere but we all know Disney’s didn’t even come close)

[smthfunnyhappenedonthewaytor3]

One of the major difficulties with Suzaku is learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he can’t be bothered to think and wants someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually doesn't understand what’s going on, and really being genuinely stupid.

Lelouch, nursing another headache

[kahran042]

Another incorrect Gundam Wing quote

Narrator: With high expectations, human beings left Earth to begin a new life in space colonies. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

[totallycorrectjrpgquotes]

Fei: In Lahan, we have a word… Bart: Had. Fei: …had a word called 'tact'.

[uncommonincorrectquotes]

A: haha boot A: I am A and I control this ship. compared to me you are nothing A, gesturing to B: earth was orbitally annihilated by him A: i have no fucking idea where we are C, who just woke up:

[hitchhikers-guide-official]

Since Ford Prefect was his Earth name, how did Zaphod Beeblebrox immediately know his name was Ford when they met again on the Heart of Gold?

This is a question that comes up quite a bit.

The answer is that Ford registered the name Ford Prefect at the Galactic Nomenclaturoid Office before getting stranded on Earth (direct quote below).

It was very simple. Just before arriving he registered his new name officially at the Galactic Nomenclaturoid Office, where they had the technology to unpick his old name from the fabric of space/time and thread the new one in its place, so that to all intents and purposes his name always had been and always will be Ford Prefect. (DNA in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Original Radio Scripts)

I’m rereading hitchhikers guide and it’s always bothered me that when Zaphod and Ford meet on the heart of gold Zaphod says “hi Ford” because there is NO REASON he should know that Ford is using that name

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Marvin: I've been talking to the main computer. Marcia the Martian: And? Marvin: It hates me.

[stark-raving-romantic]

Since we all agree the Harry Potter is NOT it...here's a fun poll! These are just my picks but if you feel that I've neglected one, tell me and I'll make another poll, the winners can face off or something.

Please reblog to break containment!

Pride and Prejudice: It is a truth universally acknowledged , that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Northanger Abbey: No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy would have supposed her born to be a heroine.

Anne of Green Gables: Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies' eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde's Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde's door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof.

The Graveyard Book: There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.

Romeo and Juliet:

"Two households, both alike in dignity

 (In fair Verona, where we lay our scene),

 From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

 Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean."

Tuck Everlasting: The first week of August hangs at the very top of summer, the top of the live-long year, like the highest seat of a Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning.

Fahrenheit 451: It was a pleasure to burn.

The Hobbit: In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

A Christmas Carol: MARLEY WAS DEAD, to begin with.

The Secret Garden: When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with her uncle everybody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Far Out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Percy Jackson/The Lightning Thief: Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood

[utilitycaster]

Hi! Hope you don’t mind me asking but, I’ve seen you comment about a “fjord moon” theory every so often in your tags, and I’m quite curious what’s it about? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about it, is it something more prevalent in twitter spaces?

It started in Reddit spaces but it had a moment within the fandom at large during Campaign 2, especially after a YouTube video surfaced shortly after the campaign had come back from hiatus in August 2020. It hasn't come up lately since Campaign 3's plot pretty thoroughly debunked it, which wasn't necessary for reasons I will cover below.

I talked about how stupid it was at the time, and will do so again but I don't feel like looking back through my archives to find that post, so: the idea was that Fjord was from Ruidus. I call it a theory because its creators called it a theory but it was really just a lot of incoherent yelling that unfortunately happened to fall into the hands of a prolific and popular but talentless video maker and was boosted by a prolific and popular but deeply stupid figure on CR Twitter.

You can read it here but in short he basis was that Fjord was actually a Spelljammer Space Orc (Scro; yes this is just Orcs backwards; Spelljammer is not exactly the most brilliant of concepts) because he was intelligent and walked upright, ignoring that Spelljammer was, at the time, from D&D 2e only which can generously be described as "wicked racist in the depiction of orcs". Not that 5e is not without its foibles, but it had largely 86-ed the worst of the racism that pervaded earlier orc depictions. Also Garthok pre-dated Fjord and was a half-orc with the same intelligence, but what are facts to an idiot. So anyway this guy working off a deeply racist older concept for orcs spun this into a wild conspiracy theory involving the fact that Travis likes Dragonball Z; something about the film Spaceballs (as far as I know Travis has said absolutely nothing about this, this is just that the Mel Brooks Star Wars parody and my personal childhood favorite Spaceballs exists I think?) and various other random pulls from science fiction media. This guy asked a question at a panel and mistook the cast looking at him like he had lost the plot as a sign he was onto something. Somehow, people listened to him.

Here's the thing about theorycraft. It is more important, in writing a theory, that you base it on evidence than that you get it correct. Any dipshit can guess and any lucky dipshit can guess correctly, but if you show that you can't structure an argument for beans, anyone who can structure an argument for beans will rightfully look at you and say "well, they predicted something once, but that's a fucking fluke because they're a fucking joke." Theories should explain something that needs explanation (Fjord having an INT of 14 and the name Fjord and being an orphan does not). They should not solely rest on things the cast likes or things that merely exist in-world and certainly not from Spaceballs and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the connection of which to Critical Role in that Reddit post is not explained, ever.

To give some examples of good, mediocre, and bad but at least not nearly that bad theorycraft: the theory that Ashton was a meteor that was around early in C3 is in my mind not very good, but at least it fits within Exandria canon and explained something about Ashton needing explanation at the time. The theory that The Emissary is the source of the stasis bubbles is in my mind a very good one explaining several key mysteries (source of stasis bubbles; why Erathis sent him rather than coming himself). The theory that Bor'Dor was a dog was fucking stupid and made no sense nor did it explain anything that needed explanation (and also wildly misjudged how border collies behave) but did at least not say "also, the TV show Lassie...exists in our reality, and this is evidence" The Fjord Moon Theory is maybe the stupidest and worst CR theory I've seen in my entire life, and it's up there for fandom theories over all. I get that it was August 2020 and I don't begrudge people who were very bored and scared from joking about it while not taking it seriously, but I do begrudge those who did take it seriously because like, come on.

Anyway, I bring it up in tags sometimes because many of the worst C3 takes on Twitter that make it to me via "can you fucking believe this" screenshots in the groupchat are either started or propagated by Former Moon Theory People.