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heard ya have some lego movie headcanons (interested)
Ooughhhh i have soo manyyy.... for example this one's technically not a hc but does anyone else ride or die for fat/chubby emmet??? i mean i already always hc'd as being a bit overweight but adding on the fact that rex says hes "chiseled features were hidden under "baby fat"" just totally solidifies chubby emmet for me. additionally, people who are afraid to draw wyldstyle/lucy as buff make me sooo irritated especially in her apocalypse form like omfg theyre parodying mad max rn and you dont think shed be built like a brick house (no pun intended) rn? but okay sure. i guess you could make the argument of "well she needs to be sneaky and well hidden" as if her ex boyfriend isnt literally batman who is ripped and does that shit but i digress. i've discussed this in my benny/metalbeard post but metalbeard being a tech freak is mad underrated of a headcanon to me, i think him geeking out over new tech just makes so much sense to me bc i firmly believe metalbeard wants to have the most swashbuckling, most advanced pirate ship of the sea. especially considering when queen whatevra offered an entire planet sized ship for him and he added on things like a keyboard to his build and he just seems like hes always open to new technology and ideas. SPEAKING OF QUEEN WHATEVRA. technically more abt mayhem, i sooo hc her as being like a raver/kandi kid/scene girl type idk something abt her design to me screams "i listen to dj s3rl" I ALSO THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LUCYS ORIGIN BECAUSE HOW DID SHE KNOW HOW TO REMOVE THE SHARPIE FROM HER HAIR HRMMM?? PLUS THE FACT THE SYSTARIANS KNOW THAT POP MUSIC CAN AFFECT THE WAY PEOPLE THINK..... ADDITIONALLY THE DUPLONS SANG THE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME SONG........... MUCH TO THINK ABOUT HERE IS ALL IM SAYINNGGG... also i in general feel like no one talks abt mayhem/lucys relationship...... sorry but like tlm3 real needs to happen bc i want so desperately to see more of mayhem getting to know lucys story and being so invested and helping her heal and recover and full go back to her true self and ohgfggmmffg imaging how adorable the specialstyle interactions would be after emmet just being like "woagghh youre so beautiful" and shes like "this outfit is smaller than i remember..... kinda hurts"......... oh THIS ONEEE I NEVER SHUT UP ABT but UNIKITTYS CAT HALF IS A TIGER SHE IS HALF TIGER AND ULTRAKITTG IS PROOF!!! i think puppycorns dog half is a shiba cos of the curly little tail and his tendency to be air headed and goofy. i also think puppycorn and unikitty would b the type to use gen alpha slang to piss off master frown but thats me getting into my unikitty! headcanons lol.... ummmm .... i also really like audhd emmet and autistic benny but GUYSSS HEAR ME OUTTT SWEET MAYHEM GIRL AUTISM. think about it.... ermmm thats all i can think of rn i have more but its so hard to talk abt my hcs w out a specific prompt 💔😔
#mark.txt#tlm#answers#srry for large block of text and also being all over the place#structuring thoughts hard#the lego movie#headcanons#i have specific headcanons abt stuff but liekkk#it depends if you want me to even info dump abt ships like specialspaceship bc i have A LOT of hcs abt them#(i also obv ship specialstyle but i also like specialmayhem :3)
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i've said this before but the way hugo sets up & structures jean valjean's introduction is so smart & well done; the way we're introduced to him & follow him for a little while from the perspective of an outsider as he enters digne & we see what he goes through there & how he is treated -- still from that perspective -- & then we switch to inside the bishop's household (a place we're very familiar with) as he introduces himself & is welcomed in & he goes to bed & sleeps for a little while & wakes up and it's only then, in between the moment he wakes up and the moment he goes to steal the silver, that we get his entire backstory! (the chapter 'jean valjean' literally starts "Towards the middle of the night Jean Valjean woke. Jean Valjean came from a poor peasant family of Brie. He had not learned to read in his childhood. When he reached man’s estate, ..." etc etc)! & then as he gets up out of bed we shift back to watching him a little more impersonally. but this is so effective to me! it means his experiences & feelings & history are so immediate, the reader is with him step for step as we go through his approach to & understanding of the world and we feel his pain intimately & extremely freshly. and it means that even if we're not in agreement with him about it that when he goes to steal the silver we are still fresh from this understanding & submersion in his state of mind that it doesn't come across as just sort of greedy & stupid & inexplicable as many of the other characters would see it from their pov but as something with depth of character to it we can have sympathy for. if that makes sense
#sorry if this is confusing I'm once again writing (& Not editing) on my walk to work#but anyways hugo is so good at structure for good storytelling that hits really hard. anyone who says otherwise just doesn't get it#thoughts#les mis
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It’s just that Fingon’s like that stereotypical son who calls his mum and walks old ladies across the street, mows the lawn for his neighbours, brings home nice, pretty girls who want to be kindergarten teachers or something and is really passionate about some niche compassionate topic like children in poverty’s access to multiple sclerosis treatment and who everyone says is ‘such a nice boy’ but then he goes and dates the eldest kid of Mr. Stay Away From My Boys, Son, a flaming ginger who most people haven’t heard speak. And this is hilarious.
#Aredhel was too wayward and Turgon was too autistic and argon was too impetuous but fingon was all golden boy so this blew everyone’s minds#Imagine feanor being so opposed until he realises everyone else thinks Maedhros isn’t good enough for finno and then pushing it so hard#Ugh anywa I’m just ranting#But the way they fit into the Torino social structure is important to me#Because Fingolfin’s family was#like#for the people#And feanor was this aloof untouchable presence who wasn’t there half the time#Also his sons are intimidating and scarily pale#Except for the one who always blushes? Anyway#The fanfiction thoughts are circling again time for a fic about russingon set from literally everyone’s perspective but theirs#God Alexis stop tagging#silm#silmarillion#the silmarillion#the silm fandom#silm fandom#the silm#tolkien#silm shitpost#maedhros#fingon#Russingon#silm veryshitpost#maitimo#maitimo nelyafinwe#findekano#Russandol#Tw rant
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im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it
seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.
so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!
i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….
#if u have the ability to reply to my reblog saying how much you loved the fic i recommended comment on the fic itself so the author can see!#especially since the rise of ai writing and seeing ai fics out there can be disheartening#make sure you let your writers know you appreciate them#you never know they might one day write a sequel bc your comment touched them#or might get the motivation to make more works.#(but don’t just comment bc you expect something out of it btw. sometimes the author might be too intimidated to reply ive seen that before)#im a huge yapper. if you can’t tell. lmfao.#and i mostly comment on guest. like 99% of the time because the fics are either really embarrassing#or i get nervous about them knowing me/finding my tumblr and thinking im cringw#bc i admire authors so much. and I get that nervousness! given I experience it!!! but guest mode EXISTS!!! most work allows you to comment#on guest mode!! the author CANT see the email you use for it!!! the only reason they even ask is to give you notifs if theres a reply to it!#a comment is still a comment even if on guest or an alt or your main#even if the fic is embarrassing shameful depraved smut you can log out and comment on guest. even if it’s embarrassing#because the author still worked HARD. it’s so hard to write. people don’t give enough credit to fic authors who do it for free#i had an account (now super abandoned) that had over 400k words. and that didn’t include wips#i reallg do struggle to write because i took a break for so long!!! i can write but not nearly as much as I used to!!! and it sucks!!!#support your authors guys. 1k words is an hour for the first draft at MINIMUM and another hour for revision and editing. and people get#pissy if a fic chapter is less than 3-4k words for some reason. that’s 6-8 hours of work at MINIMUM. likely so much more because there’s#also plotting and brainstorming and So. Much. Editing. stressing out over words and sentence structure. it takes so much time out of your#day. the only oneshot i have posted on this account is 2460 words. and it took me SEVEN HOURS#seven hours!!!! that’s a lot!!!! and for authors that have school or demanding jobs that kind of time is hard to come by!!!!!#and I hope i have convinced at least one of you to listen and go okay you know what. i will. because even if it’s a silly comment it’s loved#tldr support your local fanfic authors of you will be so stabbed. by me#fanfiction#fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#comment on fics#wick fic recs#that’s the rec tag btw. wow custom tags AGAIN i know. im doing what i thought i never would
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I promise I'm going to answer my asks soon, this fucking chapter is just killing me rn. There's so much work to do on it (I have 28 tabs of research open alone) and it's turned out to be very complex and much more in depth than I had planned for it to be. On top of the scientific research, there's pacing and structure and everything else, so it's taking a lot of my time up.
I am still alive, I'm just slow!
#i cannot believe how complicated i've made this for myself#i thought i could cheat it by making stuff up but it turns out there are a fair few actual real life scientists that follow me and now#i need to make sure it holds up reasonably well with strong foundations#so i don't look like a dummy#LMAO#and immunology is not easy#i left school 15 years ago and i got a c in biology dude i am NOT built for this life#this stuff is very difficult#i have the beautiful wonderful katu-d2 helping me but boy this is tough stuff#balancing the complexity of science with the right emotionality is really hard#plus there are two main arguments to structure at different points too#so it's crazy in my docs rn#i think this is the hardest chapter I have ever written in my life#so that's fun!
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It's late at night and I'm really tired and consumed with thoughts of Solomon being such a...lonely existence. Alienated from humanity whom he continues to protect despite the way they treated him. Clinging to said humanity despite being told by almost everyone that he doesn't act "human-like" at all. Lacking social awareness because of his limited interactions with others.
Being forced to learn things on his own to survive, practically raising himself and filling in the gaps of his whole being by mimicking what he sees in others to feel even a semblance of what he thinks a person is and should be. Like a patched-up blanket with scraps of fabric he'd taken from different mosaics of people he made connections with over his long life. He's a reflection of humanity and what being a human is despite barely feeling like he was human in the first place.
An unwilling observer, wanting a place to belong in the very domain he protects. By that I mean he doesn't merely want to watch over others, but form connections with them. But because his experiences are hard to relate to, he's easily misunderstood. He's doomed to a life of people just barely tolerating him for being who he is. For being born the way he is.
I guess that's why I get even sadder when I see him smile. Had he learned to smile to be more approachable to others? To be more friendly? Did he become so accommodating and eager to please because of that? Why does it feel like he always seems like he's on the verge of giving up or had already given up even before he expressed his willingness to be closer to MC? His learned helplessness really hurts. He only fights back and shows anger and intense emotions when it's for the sake of others. He's incredibly attentive and thoughtful when it comes to others but could barely even prioritise himself.
#sighing rn delete later#idk i was so excited abt the spotlight event but got disappointed again#this is me just rambling cause i want him to get closure on so many things but even for the brothers#closure is hard with#how the game is structured so I'll just psychoanalyse him from the distance#obey me solomon#blurbs#these are just random unorganised thoughts in the middle of the night cause i can't fall asleep lmao
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i'm gonna be the one insufferable bastard on this earth that liked everhood 2, huh
#my posts#everhood 2#everhood 2 spoilers#if i get right down to it. what did i want from this game?#well i wanted more BANGER music. i wanted to be overwhelmed and surprised and lost and to feel shrimp emotions on existential scale#did i get these things? well... yeah! i did actually! were they worth anything less in that moment for how it ended?#it was real to me in that moment. i remember these feelings. i remember them warmly. those little aliens destroyed me i tried so hard#and the world where i got the green weapon had me making the crying cat meme face#i burst out fucking laughing many times#they happened and they were real then so why not now?#and honestly what COULD you do with the narrative at that point? anything less than fundamentally radical would ring hollow#like you could do a traditional plot that functions correctly and moves characters along arcs. but is that REALLY what you wanted?#in EVERHOOD? In everhood. you wanted a normal plot structure. in everhood?#and what else could you have even done that wasnt in essence rehashing everhood 1? i think i liked it better than where it was ALMOST going#it felt like a fever dream to play. like watching alice in wonderland. shit just happens man. these stories are rare#we've made the euthanasia rollercoaster into a fractal. spiral tighter run faster reach higher yearn forever.#fall into the kaleidoscope and grab your popcorn to watch the infinite combinations of static on the screen#you were there. you felt things. you can draw anything out of nothing. you can send everything back to nothing. for the love of god make ar#any art. any quality. just something that was real to you in that moment and in so doing forever. if someone tells you youre doing it wrong#then you should explode with your mind and in your art and LAUGH#apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime anything and everything all of the time#(its fine to dislike it i just found it fascinating in a way which is often more interesting than ''good''.)#(i live for the intersection of absurdity and meaning)#also i felt closer to the companions in this game than EH 1 since you spent more time in them#also cmon we got time with the sexiest character in the foreign gnome universe. the pandering one for a CERTAIN demographic. w big assets.#THATS RIGHT IM TALKIN ABOUT IRVINE BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!#you thought i was gonna say someone else? well tough shit. youre wrong.#anyway my main quibble with this game really was the english translation needed more time to cook for real
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Hebrew started clicking for me when I started to see it not just as a language, but in terms of music. To me, hebrew is like complex sheet music, composed of notation that I am learning.
And to me, that's poetic because hebrew is the language I sing to g-d. It is the language I use to express gratitude and thanks and recognition. It is the language I use to express sorrow, grief, and hope. It's the language that tells me about g-d. It is the language I am learning in the same way I am learning about the people I am joining - the people with whom feel just as much as family as my own father. As someone who is incredibly music-based, it has made my journey in learning hebrew more personal and meaningful because it made hebrew make sense to me.
#jumblr#hebrew#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#because my hebrew journey is just as much a part of my conversion imo#i get frustrated when i don't understand henrew but it's because i WANT to understand it#and it's hard sometimes! it's been easier because i have spoken other languages which have similar structure to hebrew#like spanish is similar to me so there was less of a leap between speaking english and then hebrew
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Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)
I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.
I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.
(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)
In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.
Battle (let’s go)
For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.
And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.
(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)
To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.
Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️
(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)
If one thing had been different
Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?
(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)
(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)
There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.
(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)
To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)
(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)
Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.
Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)
Death by a thousand cuts
She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.
(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)
Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.
(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)
In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.
Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.
Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)
From the same little breaks in your soul
I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.
Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)
This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️
#writing letters addressed to the fire#me thinking too hard about taylor lyrics#taylor swift#midnights#long post#lyrics analysis#song parallels#Gabby this one is for you friend <3#here goes nothing#Happy Friday or something idk!#(also i know i said there are things i wouldn’t discuss on main but my dms are open lol)#this is not as structured or well plotted out as I wanted it to be#and turned out to be more stream of consciousness than legit essay#but whatever at least i got my thoughts out there and it can release some plot of land in my brain for other stuff to think over lol#If anyone ever reads this thank you! And I’m sorry?#The best compliment i ever got in school#was when we were doing an analysis of a poem in English lit in college#And i brought something up casually#and my prof went ‘I’ve been teaching this class for eight years and that’s the first time anyone’s ever brought it up like that’#’and that just blew my mind’#and i was like ‘who me?’#so that’s all you need to know about me lol#Midnights: The Great War#Bigger than the whole sky#bttws#Midnights: Paris#Midnights: high infidelity#would’ve could’ve should’ve#Midnights: dear reader#midnights: bigger than the whole sky
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i'm getting towards the end of the skypeia arc, & i'd like to say just how much i adore the way the female strawhats have been treated.
just... every aspect of how the way their characters have been previously contextualized influences the story-line is treated with a masterful amount of consideration. we're given so many layers to both of them that enrich not only their characters specifically, but the arc, and the one piece world as a whole. without nami & robin having their specific skills, and their specific values, without those being built upon, the story would have come to a halt.
you could not have skypeia without nami & robin being who they are as individuals. not just because they never would've gotten there without nami, but also because the way these women think is itself foundational to the machinations of the arc as a whole.
to be totally upfront, if you think any other strawhats were more central to the skypeia arc than nami & robin were you are full-on fucking lying to yourself.
#obligatory disclaimer that i’m aware luffy is the protagonist & a lot of interesting stuff is explored w him. this isn’t abt him though.#part of me wonders if this is an aspect of why people will write off this arc sometimes tbh... like that & the political themes.#but yeah anyway i get why people say that for all there are 100% misogynistic tendencies in oda's writing & character design#it is very very hard to say that he as an individual is an ideological misogynist. like the level of care he puts into his female cast mem#-ers generally speaking & how he approaches what existing as a multi-dimensional individual would look like in their specific contexts is#like... in a lot of ways still something that is unprecedented across all forms of media.#but also not the point but anyone who says nami in particular doesnt get real fights/is unskilled um... no you're wrong read her fight in#alabasta & then all of skypeia.#like in alabasta she takes on arguably a stronger opponent than sanji when considering the structuring of BW. not only that but she does s#with a weapon she has never used before while actively reading the instruction manual. and she WINS. she wins based on sheer intellect &#the ability to utilize skills the audience already knows she has. the pre-existing basic fighting skills she's introduced with are elabora#-ed upon by incorporating her skill w navigation. same with the way her cunning is used in skypeia to cover her lack of sheer brute. &#the best part about it is she's fucking tough in a way that makes sense! she isn't strong/weak just for the sake of positioning her as such#it is thoughtful & it strengthens her as a character rather than just like giving the power-scaler types smth to mindlessly chew on.#like do i wish nami got to fight more & take a more active role in that regard even if i don't think she needs to be a fighter in the same#sense as the monster trio? yes absolutely. i'm guessing this is going to be smth that bothers me potentially even more with robin.#but that does not mean her fights are not masterfully written when she gets them or that she isn't tough as a bag of nails.#respect my darling woman or die.#skypeia#nico robin#nami#grey's one piece tag
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I wanna say that like 80-90% of the time I just feel like a guy bein' a dude, but then there's this 10-20% where I just feel like. A goblin. A werewolf. A certified creechur. I can't really extrapolate it better than that with my limited vocab.
Most of the time I wanna grill and learn woodworking and make puns. Sometimes I wanna gnaw on femurs and scuttle around and be indecipherable but approachable as an Entity. And I don't really know what that means yet tbh.
#Life#Falc talks#Manda does a Gender#I'm really starting to see the appeal of it/it's pronouns#I have a cartoon concept I've been nursing called#Wishbone#And in it the titular character uses its /she#It's an it. But the humans call her a girl and she doesn't HATE it so she only corrects friends#And like. I've asked some buddies who use less popular pronouns about their experiences#Ppl who use its or neos that I can't properly structure in a sentence but I try so hard#And like. I understand it a lot more than I expected#Maybe I'm a he/its?#I'd love to hear perspectives or thoughts abt it!#Neopronouns#Its/it's
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I thought my "struggling to get anything done until its very very late at night, and only for a few hours, after a full day of fatigue and laziness" behavior was a recent thing, in the wake of graduating and being unemployed and out of schooling, but its been at the very least 5 years because I made a comic about this when i was still IN college.

#talkys#like i thought the issue was no structure or routine in my life anymore#but even in college when id have 8 am class the next day id still struggle#though i also thought/think that was just senioritis. and it never went away even after graduation.#bc i rly tanked hard at the end there. like i got to a point where i didnt care anymore id do stuff like study for a huge exam 15 minutes#before walking into it and just hoped i retained enough from the 5 mins of memorization#this is distressing for me to realize LOL i rly thot it was the lack of routine....but its just Been Like This.....#every day loafing then crawling to my desk really late and still being unable to draw#then finally getting a burst of energy an hour before needing to sleep‚ promising myself ill get started earlier tomorrow#and then not doing that bc i just feel so tired all day again. mooooooo
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Watch our version of Audrey II, the human eating plant grow in LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS! 🪴🩸 Onstage now. #LittleShopofHorrors #Theater #Minnesota #Broadway #AudreyII #Musical #GuthrieLittleShop
#hand puppet phase is really bringing especial kermit the frog lsdjf#really giving further thought about the applicability angle of like; speaking of When You're Parallels / Mirrors out here like#audrey ii : seymour :: orin : audrey; considering much#look at this little guy. little typewriter guy go go#very fun seeing Phases n Forms here. talking about stamens & vines wiggling all over the place#whole different Everything for the last biggest version. delighting in the First Talking structure. sit there & have legs as roots / vines#tendrils whatever and upper body is our amorphophallus titanum#getting more [everything] for the next stage. where do we think they're getting these really big pots#like in universe lol. starting to question the Hard Scifi considerations. what about repotting. how'd that work the first time even#anyway & for real: like aaa seymour auugh#lsoh#will roland#seymour krelborn
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What are you arguments on Sae being an INTJ?
HELP this feels so confrontational.
But I'm glad you asked because I was going to make a post on it anyway. The world deserves to know.
On why (I think) Sae is an INTJ
Itoshi Sae is currently typed as an ISTP on personality-database.com with 243 votes. Am I saying all those votes are wrong?
...Yes. /hj
It can be a bit tricky to decide whether Sae is a J or P type, because J types tend to be more worried about how they are perceived by others, which Sae is not concerned about. I can see why people would think he is an IXXP type because of that.
However, these are an ISTPs MBTI functions as follows: Ti, Se, Ni, Fe. Which doesn't make sense for Sae and the way he plays soccer. Why?
Here's how Rin describes Sae's playstyle:
Key words being efficient, calculate and optimal.
This sounds a lot like extroverted thinking, which is a goal oriented function that values efficiency, and introverted intuition, that funnels sensory input into coming into an accurate conclusion (calculating the most optimal way to score). So, Sae's playstyle utilises Ni and Te rather than Ti and Se. Rin, who is typed as an INTJ on personality-database.com, was shown to have been emulating Sae's playstyle in the U20 match, when it's revealed that his original playstyle was more instinctual. So I don't know why people would think Sae isn't an INTJ, considering he was the original playmaker before Rin.
In fact, it would make more sense for Rin to be an ISTP rather than Sae. Auxiliary extroverted sensing can be explained to contribute to his instincts, which was better than Sae even at a younger age. Let me be clear, I do believe Rin is an INTJ, I'm just comparing the two.
Of course, one's playstyle doesn't define their MBTI type. But considering this is a soccer manga and we don't get many instances of seeing the characters not play soccer, this is what we have to work off on.
What's more, XNTJ types tend to be one-track minded due to introverted intuition (limited and deep focus, planning ahead) and extroverted thinking (goal oriented, ambition, efficiency), making them very driven to achieve a single goal. Sae has been playing soccer since he was one, and he hasn't strayed from his goal to become the best in the world, just that he switched positions.
To bring up another key difference between J and P types, J types to be more productive and focused on success/reputation, whereas P types like to do what they find fun and enriching. Compare Sae to an IXXP easier to identify like Nagi and you'll see the difference between a wholistic and individualistic ego (Isagi is onto something). Sae plays soccer to become the best midfielder in the world - wholistic ego. Nagi plays soccer because he finds it fun - individualistic ego.
I rest my case.
#IXXP and IXXJ types give off different vibes but I don't know how to explain it#Sae does not give off IXXP vibes do you understand me#I hope this isn't (too) messy?#transferring analysis thoughts into structured text is surprisingly hard *cries#bllk#blue lock#itoshi sae#blue lock analysis#bllk analysis#sae analysis#itoshi sae analysis
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oh wow in this setting it's actually the force of human belief that infuses the religious rituals with power? should we throw a party? should we invite the Great God Om?
#I'm so tired of authors wanting the structure and aesthetic of medieval catholicism and yet refusing to buy in to a place and time#where people believed and thought about God for real.#like. beyond a vague thought that prayer is about hoping for something you want to happen but well y'know it's not like anyone's answering.#(and also there are definitely no Jews. nope nope no Jews here. supersessionism worked so hard in this fantasy setting#that the Jews got retroactively erased from existence and also human memory so nobody noticed!#or something!)
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thoughts in a colcon might function similarly to how electricity moves through metal
#like you have a bunch of cations (positively charged ions) which is pretty rigid and is the actual structure of metal#so this is like each 'node' or 'body' or 'entity' forming the greater hivemind#and theres a bunch of electrons kind of just floating around within the metal structure#they move around and stuff but w/o any real effect or any real charge#but when an electric force is applied to two points on the metal then the electrons form a current between those points#and carry the charge#so theres kind of a bunch of thoughts floating around the hivemind#but bc theres just so much information its hard to think all the thoughts at once#but when some sort of external stimulus is applied#certain action needs to be done or certain information is required#the thoughts/info will go to the physical location (node) where its needed#guy who only knows the colcon sitting in physics class: wow this is JUST like the colcon
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