#surely if you're engaging in the most extreme stuff you should know THE MOST and not apparently the least?????

[wild-at-mind]

Just remembering when I was waiting for bf to get his tatt done and looking at the magazines, they had one of those extreme body mods magazines which was interesting. I have never understood why people get this kind of body mod, but I'm trying to work on being more open minded. And from this magazine I can see clearly that the ethos is 'my body is mine and I should be allowed to choose to do these things to it', which resonates. And as a trans person I would hope I wouldn't forget that transphobes call transition 'irrepairable damage' and self harm. (I can remember watching those early 2000s documentaries where surgery for transition was basically framed as an extreme body mod to be looked at for shock value.)

So I'm looking at this magazine, all open minded like, and then suddenly one of the models (who was being interviewed for something else, like he had his dick split in two or something) just casually is like oh yeah I have tonnes of different types of swastika tattooed on my arm. And sure enough, then there's a pic of like...20 swastikas done in different ways all on one area of his arm.

:[

[midnightsunnyday]

Whips, Cuffs, And Edible Thongs? (Final) '*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

Part One

Warnings: obviously NSFW and MDNI. Mentions of various kinks, sex toys, and cursing. MC is in a polyamorous relationship with all the brothers btw. Definitely a crack headcanon.

Belphegor, holding up a large, biologically improbable dildo: hey MC, you should buy this.

MC: Absolutely not.

Mammon, holding up a pink studded collar: Yo MC, you ever tried...something like this?

MC: Well, it is cute, but I'm not so sure it's my style.

Belphegor: hey MC, you should buy this.

MC: Uh, I'm pretty sure human organs can't stretch that far.

Belphegor: Not with that attitude.

Mammon: What the heck even is that thing, anyway?

Mynx: That's the Orfficinator 2000. For those with more...extreme tastes. Revs 850 thrusts per minutes with 15 different vibration settings. And at a whoping 12 inches in length and 5.5 in width. It'll turn even the most adamant of lovers into a weeping, begging mess.

Belphegor: a begging mess, huh?

MC: I think I felt my insides clench.

----‐-------

MC: You know, Satan. Even I think this cat obsession is going a bit too far.

Satan: What? I'm only observing it *poke*

Mynx: That's the Kitty Whisperer. Very popular with the ladies. Comes in both pink and purple.

Satan: So I see.

Mynx: But you know, not everyone who buys it is a lady, if you catch my drift.

Satan: Is...that right?

Mynx: ...

Satan: ...

MC: Really?

Satan: *blushing madly* Just let me be, alright?

---------------

MC: So...um...what kinda stuff are you guys into?

Mammon: Stuff?

MC: you know, like...kinks?

Beelzebub: oh, those? Sometimes I get them when I don't properly stretch before a workout.

Belphegor: Not those kinds of kinks, Beel.

Asmodeus: well, I don't mind sharing mine. Frankly, there are just so many to choose from. Spanking, overstimulation, bondage, wax play. Now for the more extreme ones--

Leviathan: --Enough! Enough! Otherwise, I think I might be scared for life.

Asmodeus: ok then, Levi. How about you tell us your kinks?

Leviathan: uh...reverse Uno.

Asmodeus: We're not playing Uno. Besides, then it'll just go back to me and you know what that means?

Leviathan: ah! Then it was Mammon by the bondage gear holding a pair of handcuffs!

Mammon: hey!

Satan: No need to say it, Mammon. After all, we already know the answer.

Manmon: I got no idea what you're talking about.

Leviathan: please. I bet you want MC to buy that collar you showed them so they can put it on you.

Mammon: Whhaaaat? Pfft. No.

Leviathan: Liar.

Mammon: So then what about you Mr. "I like it when you yell at me and call me worthless?"

Leviathan: I can't help it ok? It's very stimulating.

Mammon: Fine. I'll tell. I ain't chicken! So um...you know how you're getting dressed and you accidently pull your tie a little too tight--

Leviathan: --no one does that--

Mammon: --Let me finish, you ass! Anyway, it's kinda like that. So...yeah.

Satan: Interesting.

Mammon: Alright then. Tell us some of yours.

Satan: *clears throat* I'm not really...into extreme things. Or things that hurt. So, vanilla. Definitely.

Mammon: Huh. Coulda fooled me.

Asmodeus: how about you, Belphie?

Belphegor, smiles darkly: You sure you wanna know?

Satan: Why does that sound so threatening?

Beelzebub: Hmmm. Can food be kinks?

Asmodeus: Oh, you sweet summer child.

Leviathan: Maybe we should just skip on to MC.

MC: Eh. I don't know if I should share. It's kind of... intense.

Asmodeus: go on darling. This is a judgement free zone.

Beelzebub: Asmo's right. Craving and engaging in physical intimacy should not bring shame or discomfort, but breathe life and newfound sexual expression into those who practice safely and with consent.

*stunned silence*

Beelzebub: What? You know, gluttony is no further from lust as it is to greed. You should really learn your sins.

Belphegor: yeah, learn your sins.

MC: Well...sometimes I like to imagine standing over a powerful man and telling him how worthless and pathetic he is. How despite his power, he's at my feet, where he belongs. Then as he begs me to ride him, I'll laugh in his face as he watches me pleasure myself, saying he'll never be able to satisfy me better than my own hand, his erection weeping and painful. Then when I'm done, I'll push him onto his back and grind against him, denying him over and over until he's crying for release. But there will be no release. Not until his master, me, is satisfied *clears throat* So essentially, I really like the thought of being a dom.

*further stunned silence*

Belphegor: ...God, I'd let you destroy me.

MC: I know you would.

------------

Mynx: Can one of you please stop your brother from eating all my edible undies and oils? I've tried hitting him with my pipe, but it's like a love tap to this man!

Satan: Beel, the point of those is to eat them off your partner, not eat them yourself.

Beelzebub: I...don't think I trust myself doing that. I might get...too excited.

Mammon: Oof. That's an ugly picture.

Mynx: Yep. A big boy like that would definitely eat more than his fair share.

Asmodeus: Oh wow, these lollipops are shaped like a--

Beelzebub: *crunch* mmmm. They have a creamy center.

Asmodeus: ...

Beelzebub: What?

------------

Mammon, dressed in a sexy cop uniform: alright, Belphie, its the end of the line!

Leviathan, dressed as an equally sexy cop: that's right, punk! You're going away for a long time.

Belphegor, somehow talked into this and wearing a skimpy prison outfit: you pigs ain't got nothing on me! Nothing I say!

Mammon: Your partner spilled the beans, Belphie. You're looking at 40-80 years tops.

Leviathan: Now, hands where we can see em! Or this might get messy.

*Belphie, holding the Orfficinator 2000*

Mammon: He's got an automatic!

Belphegor: I'm not going back to jail!

Leviathan: Take the fucking shot!

Mynx: WILL YOU IDIOTS QUIT PLAYING WITH MY MERCHANDISE?

--------------

MC: *Places item on register*

Everyone: Ooooh.

MC: *Places another item on register*

Everyone: Aaaah.

MC: *yet another item*

Everyone: Woah!

MC: You guys are way too dramatic.

Satan: *Places item on counter*

MC: Oh. Good for you, Satan.

Satan: Enough.

----------------

Mynx: Thanks, hun. It was a pleasure doing business with ya.

MC: Thanks, Mynx. Actually, you made this whole thing a lot easier.

Mynx: It's what I do. Come back any time. Alone, preferably.

MC: Will do. Or at least will attempt to.

Asmodeus: bye, Mynxie.

Mynx: just so you all know, I'm still considering banning you all from my store.

-------------

Lucifer: There you all are. I was wondering why the house was so quiet. I was enjoying it, actually. Though I suppose nothing good lasts long.

MC: Love you too, Lucifer.

Satan: Debatable. And anyway, why are you even here?

Lucifer: You mean why am I here in the house that I pay for you to eat, sleep, and run amok through? Reading, obviously.

MC: What Satan means is--calm down, dear--aren't you suppose to be at Diavolo's fancy party?

Lucifer: Right, that. Unfortunately, the party ended abruptly when one of the Little Ds accidently set fire to King Idaman's robes.

MC: Oh.

Lucifer: Which in turn startled Prince Isa's horse, which caused a chain reaction and set everything else ablaze. It was truly a sight.

Mammon: Sounds like it all right.

Lucifer: after having to clean up such a mess, I found it best to call it a night.  So, what did you all do today? I see bags.

Beelzebub: We went to Cl--ow! I mean, we went close by.

Lucifer: Is that right?

Leviathan: Yep. We bought...all the things that shops tend to have.

Lucifer: I would assume so, yes.

Asmodeus: And now we're going to take those things to our rooms, isn't that right, Satan?

Satan: oh, yes, our rooms. Where we have nothing of interest at all.

Everyone: *runs off*

Lucifer: well, that was weird. Oh, and MC. May I have a moment?

MC: Sure.

Lucifer: a little bat told me that you all had quite the experience today.

MC: How...how is it that you know everything?

Lucifer: *laughs* it isn't complicated considering you all are horrible at hiding things, like just now. Though more importantly...*leans in closer* Devildom toys aren't exactly made for humans. You could hurt yourself.  In fact, I may need to...teach you how to properly use them. For safety reasons, naturally.

MC: is that right?

Lucifer: it is.

MC: ...

Lucifer: ...

MC: ...so...how soon are you available?

[broadwayfangirl222]

Saw you post about the similarities between Bill & Ford and Gideon & Mabel, and wanted to know what are your thoughts on Giffany & Soos also bearing similarities to these pairs?

Gideon & Mabel/Giffany & Soos:

- GD /GF held unhealthy/possesive romantic feelings for Mabel/Soos, wanting them to be together forever and seeing Mabel and Soos as belonging to them

- GD and GF didn't take the break up well, and their actions after it was to attack the people Mabel and Soos cared about (Dipper/Melody & the twins)

- both fights end with Mabel and Soos stopping GD and GF, ending things between the two (Mabel destroys the magic rock/Soos destroys the disk)

Bill & Ford/Giffany & Soos:

- relationships between a human and non-human (Bill is a being from a 2nd dimmension/Giffany is a sentiant game made on earth)

- after being found by Ford and Soos, Bill and GF help them with their problems (F - where the weirdness comes from & other stuff/ S - getting a date for his cousin's engagement party)

- at some point Ford/Soos discover their true motives/personalities which strains their relationship

- Bill/Giffany use manipulative words to keep Ford/Soos in the relationship (GF - tells Soos that other girls wouldn't like him & Melody would leave him/ B - tells Ford he likes being special and only he can truly appreciate him (tbh dont remember the words exactly)

- in the fights, Bill/GF offer Ford/Soos a last chance to join them, which both Ford and Soos reject

- Bill and GF have limited ways they can go around Gravity Falls

- Bill's glitchy "death" reminds me of Giffany

So thoughts?

Ohhhh this is an extremely interesting comparison! I adore the comparisons you already made and I really think you're onto something with this and completely agree with everything. To expand on this line of thought:

There were warnings before they all met Gideon, Bill, Giffany

Soos, Ford and Mabel were very lonely and wanted to make connections with others

All three of them have this cutesy and harmless look to them

1. There were active warnings about Giffany, Bill and Gideon and the three of them technically went against those warnings

A bunch of people returning it & there's a note saying the game should be destroyed

Ford summoned Bill despite all the cryptic warnings in the cave

Dipper & Mabel went to the tent of telepathy despite what Stan said about Gideon & that they shouldn't go

Not to say any of them were at fault for getting into these toxic relationships but there's still warnings from people who've dealt with Bill, Giffany, Gideon in the past.

2. they were all lonely and wanted a connection with others

Mabel - before she met her besties Candy & Grenda, she excited to finally have someone who actually enjoys doing girly stuff with her. Before Candy & Grenda, no one she currently spent time with got that side of her. Even Wendy, the other girl™ of the group isn't exactly a girly girl who'd be super into things like makeovers or dressing up like she is

Soos - Sure it was technically for his cousin's wedding & because of his Abuelita asked him to, but he likely wanted a relationship before all that and this whole wedding thing probably pushed an already sensitive issue for him. Like he clearly struggled a lot talking to women and he has a lot of anxiety with this and feeling like he'll always be alone

Ford - He's actually the one I can say the most on when it comes to loneliness. He says why he fell for all of Bill's lies was because of both flattery and being promised answers to the mysteries of the universe. And yeah that's very true, but the Book of Bill, Journal 3 and part of the show itself kinda shows it was also because he was super lonely too. Ford himself talks about how he's never felt lonelier than he had in Gravity Falls, he literally thinks Bill was initially a hallucination caused from his loneliness/isolation and Bill flat out says he picked Ford partly because of how isolated & lonely he was

3. All three of them have this cutesy, harmless look to them

Gideon literally uses his cuteness to manipulate the town

Giffany, both in and out of universe by the animators, is designed to be an adorable anime girl. even Alex Hirsch was shocked at how people reacted to Giffany and how they still seemed to be sympathetic to her despite murdering all these people and telling Soos no one but her could actually love him

Bill's a triangle in a top hat and bowtie. If you didn't know the horrible stuff he's capable of and you saw him, would you think he's a threat? He's just a silly little dorito with a top hat!

[evilvvithin]

⋆ KÖNIG'S SFW ALPHABET ⋆

he's the best thing that ever happened to this world and this soft scrumbly cutie has me in unbeliavable chokehold he deserves so much more love and attention

(NSFW ver. / both on AO3)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Once you break his invisible walls and get him to open to you fully, he's extremely affectionate. He follows you everywhere making sure everyone knows he's with you and you're with him. He's touchy and I mean REALLY touchy. He will brush his hand onto yours all the time or rub your shoulders, pat your back or brush your hair slightly with his fingers.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) 

This man is shy, I repeat shy. He liked you the second he saw you but didn't have enough courage to talk to you so you took the lead. It took him a long time to open up, he doesn't trust easily as he doesn't want to get hurt. The second he knew he could trust you, he became the most talkative, funny and supportive friend you've ever had. You were surprised he was way more outgoing than you thought as long as he was with you or in a small circle or his close friends. He's overprotective too, it meant a lot for him to open up to you so he's not gonna let you go now.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves cuddles, anything intimate and touchy with his loved one. He wouldn't cuddle in public much, it makes him feel awkward, but as soon as you two are alone you are getting squished in his bear hug.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

König would be all for it. He wants a warm safe place with someone he loves to call home. He enjoys anything that makes you happy or helps you, you'll find him cooking or cleaning many times when you get home. He can't cook that well, but he definitely tries his best.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Even though he's shy and unsure, when it comes to dealing with stuff like that he definitely straight goes in and tells you exactly what's happening and how he feels. He doesn't walk around the problem especially with someone he loves, he's a fair guy and wouldn't lie or pretend to you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

It's hard to get him to open up to you and trust you, but once you do he's gonna be all yours and won't be against any commitment. In fact, he wants to get engaged soon to mark this wonderful person you are as his, fully. You did it, you won this gentle giant's heart and he'll happily commit and proudly show everyone.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

EXTREMELY gentle. He wouldn't curve a hair on your head. He’s overall really gentle towards everyone, but if he goes on some mission he turns into silent deadly force you don't want to mess with. Even if you piss him off somehow he won’t show it and it takes a lot to get him pissed off, but don't you dare say or do anything towards his lover, he’d show you his not gentle side more than soon.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

König loves hugs and physical contact, but only from people he knows and trusts. He’s not gonna randomly hug you in public with people around, but as soon as you’re alone he’ll wrap his arms around you from behind and rest his chin on your head. He loves the height difference and wants to protect you from everything.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It’ll take a lot of courage to say it, and even when he has the courage he’s still not sure if he should say it. He’s always doubting himself even when it’s clear you two love each other. When he finally says it the first time, don’t count on hearing it too often. Those words are too precious and mean too much to him to just throw them around all the time like something ordinary, but he makes sure you feel he loves you even without saying it out loud. He'll shower you with cute nicknames all the time though.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

König doesn’t get jealous easily and when he does, it’s more of an insecurity feeling rather than jealous. He fully trusts you so he doesn't mind you talking to other people, but once in a while he gets the inner voice doubting him and asking if he’s good enough for you. You need to give this man lots of love and attention.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He goes all in. Intense, long, romantic kisses. When you're out with friends or in public in general, he places small kisses on your forehead or top of your head there and there. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He feels comfortable around them, way more than adults. Kids don't make fun of his anxiety and don't taunt him, they also can't pretend and lie and he appreciates that. He's also one giant gentle baby in his heart, not gonna lie.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Lazy. Both of you curled up in bed, enjoying the comfort and warmth of each other. It's always you who gets up first and he follows, otherwise as long as you're in bed with him he stays.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He takes a LOT of space in bed and moves a lot around, from one side to another before he fully falls asleep. You're not cuddled up with him, he's hugging you like a plushie keeping you glued to his chest.

O = Open  (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say  everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He doesn't open easily and if he says anything about himself, he doesn't go into details. Eventually he opens up to you, but he needs to fully trust you and feel comfortable with you, he’s too scared of being failed by someone.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

If you want to make König angry, you gotta work for it real hard. He has a lot of patience and tolerance, which means it’s almost impossible to anger him but if you manage to do it, you should run. 

Q = Quizzes  (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little  detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the type of man who remembers literally everything when you mention it just once. He’s obsessed with every little detail about you and everything connected to you and he never forgets the day you two met, nor every single day that came after that. Unfortunately he also remembers every bad thing that happened to him in past and he carries it with him.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?)

There’s nothing he loves more than just sitting quietly with you, feeling loved and comfortable. He doesn’t care where it is. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He might be a gentle giant that wouldn’t hurt a fly, but when it comes to you he can turn into a beast within a second. No one is allowed to mess with you. He wouldn’t go straight for a fight or anything, but if the situation requires it he wouldn’t care.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

This man remembers everything and he always makes sure he has something ready, be it preparing a nice dinner or buying you a small gift. He doesn’t need to be reminded more than once to do something, he just remembers it and does it without procrastination. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Sometimes when he gets too nervous he bits his nails. You help him with this habit but it’s a long way to go yet.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is insecure about himself and puts a lot of care in the way he looks. He always smells good, looks good but still can doubt himself if it’s enough. He easily overcomes his inner doubting voice thanks to you though.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He can do just fine all alone, he’s a loner but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be loved. He’d feel lost and empty without you as you filled him with confidence. If you two broke up, it’d take him a long time to recover but he would hide everything so on the outside no one could suspect a thing. He never forgets anything, so even if he recovered he’d still carry the memory and pain with him forever.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

König loves potatoes and schnitzel don’t even @ me

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He hates drinking. Of course he doesn't mind normal drinking, he occasionally gets a drink there and there, but he feels disgusted by people who gets black out drunk regularly.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He needs to be hugging something. Be it you or pillow or blanket.

[self-loving-vampire]

That medium post is highlighting just how fucked people get when they treat gender norms like a Serious Thing you must abide by. Like, what?

1- "A weak thing really wanting to be strong is pathetic" is the kind of thing that is like... who is even saying that?

The virtue of wanting to become stronger (be it for altruistic reasons or even just to master your art) no matter how pitiful your starting position is seems to be something that repeatedly comes up in fiction.

It's not just shonen training arcs to help you overcome someone who outclasses you in every way but also things the RPG journey of starting out at level 1 barely knowing your left from your right and becoming strong enough to kill god at the end.

In fact, this is what makes games like Gothic and Dark Souls so appealing. You start out so weak that everything obliterates you in one or two hits and you're pretty much just another doomed soul in a horrible situation, but if you persevere you can overcome anything.

Maybe stop thinking of strength or weakness as something inherent to gender rather than something you need to cultivate through training and experience? Sure there's geniuses like me who get a huge experience multiplier but that's not gendered either.

2- Boys 100% do cry. They often get beat up for it because they're not supposed to cry, but they still do it regardless of how things are "supposed" to be. Because humans are humans and extremely few people naturally fit the platonic ideal of what their gender is supposed to be at all times. Crying is not exclusively a "girl" thing, and it has nothing to do with weakness, bravery, or intelligence.

See, the thing is that the people who actually get good at video games are usually people who enjoy playing video games and do it on their own rather than just when they pick up something they have never done before in an effort to get validation while being anxious the whole time because they arbitrarily decided that video games are "boy things".

You're not just missing out on the confidence buff but also jumping into a mid-game area before finishing the tutorial. What did you think was going to happen?

"Fantasy story where a woman is doing cool stuff" is like... not even abnormal if you ever engage with anything outside the absolute most mainstream of media. Maybe it won't feel so shameful if you realize it has been done extremely well countless times before.

Also gendering romance seems like a mistake as well. Like, from the exact same story as the above image:

Yeah, it turns out stories can have both romance and women doing cool things and mature, non-sexist men will not necessarily hate either of those aspects.

I'm one of those people who got physical abuse to transition to mainly just threats by fighting back, and you know what that was actually like?

I never was even remotely as strong as big as my father was. I'm 170 cm and grew up malnourished (about 100-110 lbs before I left). I eventually also developed a major disability. Meanwhile he was huge and has literally killed people before. Most of those teens who fought back against their abusive dads? They probably were still physically weaker than said dads too.

But none of that matters, because you don't need to actually win, you just need to show your will to fight. You need to make it clear that there's going to be serious costs if they are violent towards you, and even children who haven't gone through puberty at all are capable of doing that if they give zero fucks.

Even an unarmed 10-year-old who was truly willing to do so is capable of causing lasting harm to an adult. I don't blame anyone for not trying something like that themselves since most people don't want to harm their parents and are averse to pain, but it's definitely dumb to make it into a gender thing that is just impossible without a specific type of puberty.

Also I should note that in a lot of cases this doesn't make the abuse stop entirely. It didn't in my case.

This is literally just applying that one comic to yourself.

Hope you're sitting down for the next bit:

Playing cool video games is the modern day equivalent of fighting war??? How does that even occur to you? Video games are literally entertainment. More like reading books or playing sports than killing people for real.

Also like, war still exists? That's kind of a big thing that is going on right now. War exists and people are fighting it. If this person grew up in the US then their country has been at war in some capacity for the vast majority of its existence. The modern day equivalent of war is war, and war is not actually cool or respectable like gaming is.

Putting up a bright billboard that reads "You know you don't have to be like that just because of your gender, right?"

Like, who cares if the other women you know personally only improve their skills for the sake of dress-up and horses? Do you not have things you want to do? I don't know what to say other than that this reads like NPC behavior.

Tip: You can be a man if you want, but also that probably won't give you instant competence or respect like you think it will. You're still going to have to Get Good at whatever it is you want to do.

So the kind of person who tries to fake an interest in "boy things" in a completely half-assed and insecure way actually exists and has terminal gender essentialist brain. I see.

I do think that's kind of shameful not just for the essentialist garbage but also in the sense that it reads like someone who is too invested in trying to insincerely impress others at the cost of their own individuality and pursuits.

If you're going to be taking right-wing types seriously then maybe you should at least notice that they also don't seem to respect tradwife types at all. They want to own them, sure, but they don't respect them. Attraction is not respect. Those people just don't respect women by default for reasons that are patently bullshit.

This is, from multiple angles, a personal problem. Some of us actually do like video games rather than using them as a way to get respect.

In fact, I'd hate it if people made a big deal out of the fact that I'm a woman who likes video games. That is and should be just a normal, unremarkable thing.

You know, maybe that whole thing where you see yourself as an eternal, inherent weakling not just physically but technically is unhealthy and holding you back from even considering that you could ever be good at anything besides child-rearing and clothes.

Good thing that she rarely feels like this anymore as an adult who is (according to the comments) no longer in a religious cult but this is like... putting my sexist father's thoughts in a self-loathing woman, basically?

[nyx-bait]

Okay. About the Slimecicle stuff because I've seen two extremes and I'm kind of fully in the middle. Under the read more, if you don't know, don't click, just spare yourself knowing.

Cw for nsfw rpf, heavy kinks, rape, etc.

I understand Tumblr's opinion that this was personal. I agree with that and I hate leaktwt with a passion. I also saw how people treated Charlie and Grace post-breakup, the way people speculated about every afab friend Charlie hung out with, all of that, and frankly, I'm not surprised that now, he isn't even engaging with fans online who are worried. People speculating got us into this mess.

Which... it is a mess. I don't blame people for shrugging it off as just discourse, but the fact of the matter is that Jinx followed an account that specifically posted nsfw art of Charlie. All of it involved him, most of it involved him in situations of assault. There was uncomfortable gore in some of them. Not only that, but the art featured other ccs who have stated that this makes them uncomfortable, such as Mariana, and even people who are not ccs at all, such as Grace.

She followed this account shortly after meeting Charlie in person. The account also had art of Ranboo, another friend of hers. She claimed in her statement that she followed it forever ago and probably for something unrelated to real people. It seems likely that she lied. She also didn't explain what the content was despite it being known the account posted rape art, obscuring the facts, and she didn't apologize.

I believe they lied to Charlie about this as well, and he believed them. His twitch mods have confirmed that he was only spoken to before Jinx's statement, and thus its unlikely he saw the reaction, the evidence their statement didn't match the facts, or the uncomfortable content in their likes.

(That last part I'm a little iffy about. Twitter has run to use the word "pedophile." I don't think they are, but Jinx does have likes with Raven from Teen Titans in suggestive outfits, and cosplayers of Tails from Sonic with their tits out. It's at least mildly concerning.)

People think it's parasocial to police who someone is dating. This is absolutely correct, and the stuff I've seen of people freaking out over a grown man potentially having a hickie is absolutely too far. The problem is NOT that Jinx is active sexually. In my opinion, it's that she lied about what content she was looking for, and likely just brushed it off as nsfw when it was usually involving assault.

I've seen people dismiss Charlie as a terrible freak or weirdo now when none of this is his fault and I'm 99% sure he doesn't have the full story. I'm more worried that he's a victim of something to be perfectly honest, and that's why I find it hard to just move on.

Because no one should have known this much about someone's private life, but now that we do, it's hard when you're worried someone's in trouble. I don't think Jinx is a good person. I don't care if Charlie chooses to forgive her, but I wish something would be said so we know he knows.

It's a really complicated situation. I'm trying to navigate it without being parasocial, but I don't think it's wrong to be worried about a creator you enjoy. It's just that pushing too much isn't going to change his mind, and it feels uncomfortable to just let it go when someone could get hurt.

I just hope this gets sorted out soon, because I've seen people I like talking to start to distance themselves for their own comfort, and it sucks to see.

[ponett]

could i bother you for your general opinion on venture bros, having watched it recently? i've been interested in it and know it has devoted fans, but most of the fans i see have been so for a long time- and i haven't been sure if the less-than-stellar aspects of it would be worth tolerating as someone with no pre-existing nostalgia for it. you're very good at offering nuanced thoughts, so i thought i'd ask. thanks!

i ended up loving the show, but it definitely has a lot of jokes in earlier seasons that haven't aged well, as is the case for basically any adult comedy series from the '00s. racial stereotypes that are probably intending to mock the racial stereotypes in the jungle adventure shows they're parodying but don't always hit the mark, jokes where characters speculate about whether or not dr. girlfriend is trans because of her voice, a minor recurring character who's a parody of the thing who's an extremely crude ableist stereotype (and also for a stretch of multiple seasons it feels like they had a quota to say the R slur at least once an episode), the pedophilia jokes with sergeant hatred, etc.

the thing is, like i said, it's kind of just what i expect for a comedy series from the '00s? obviously there was shit like south park, and the early seasons of always sunny loved to try and push the envelope, but even TV-14 network sitcoms like scrubs or the office had these sorts of issues. it's there, and you should be braced for it if you're gonna watch the show, but it feels like it revels in "politically incorrect" shock humor WAY less than a lot of concurrent comedy central and adult swim shit did. it's worlds apart from something like drawn together, which is just unwatchable. and most importantly it isn't trying to drive home some sort of insufferable libertarian moral, unlike south park. it just has some jokes i roll my eyes at

thankfully, as the show went on a lot of this was toned down and/or phased out entirely. but even in the front half of the show there were consistently tons of jokes that hit the mark for me, and i found the gradual shift towards more dramatic storytelling (without sacrificing the humor) really, really engaging. henchman 21 gets singled out as a character with an incredible arc, but i also loved seeing hank and dean go from being bumbling hardy boys parodies whose irrelevance was always the butt of the joke to being characters i actually cared about. and if you like superhero stuff at all, their take on organized supervillainy where it's effectively a union job where you're assigned an arch nemesis to torment is a lot of fun. the show just really gets how fun it is to follow the daily lives of over-the-top supervillains

there are a lot of comedy shows from that era i just can't go back to, but watching the venture bros. for the first time in 2023 i had a really good time

[anti-endo-safe-space]

You know what I really hate? When endos and pro endos will say "No you don't know what endos are. This is what they're saying. They're not claiming to have DID." while their community does include endogenic DID and a bunch of other shit.

If you actually list what they say, but you're an anti endo, they'll tell you that you've got it wrong. That no one does that. And my autistic brain can't tell if it's people genuinely not knowing that yes, they do or if it's just pure manipulation.

Endos trigger our lack of reality so much when it comes to syscourse. It makes us have no idea what's real and makes us feel like nothing makes sense. Because everything the endo community says is so contradictory. If they're not claiming to be disordered, why are they using our terms and in our spaces? Oh for the endos that are disordered? Well that should be for them then. Not for every single endo. Oh because society will see us all as the same? Doesn't matter. People can still have individual communities regardless of what the world will think of them.

Everything we have seen is contradictory. "Nobody does that" "Nobody says that." Endos that specifically engage in syscourse are the worst ones by far. I've got a few endo mutuals and like, whatever. They're chill. Stick to their own interests. They got their own thing going on and it's not like we're close or anything. I'm not triggered by them so like, let em live. Cause they're just people with their own thing going on, they're not actively spreading harm. I personally am apathetic towards endos if they're not total dick bags or actively harming others. Cause I know people fall into that community and I, a stranger that can barely form sentences sometimes, is not gonna be the one to change their mind. So for my mutuals, it's like eh, whatever. Personally for me.

But then the endos I encounter in did tags and especially the ones in anti endo spaces that try to take tags or participate in syscourse are some of the most unpleasant people ever. They're aggressive, they'll use their experiences to justify being terrible to anti endos (regardless of if that person has done anything or not), they'll completely dehumanize anti endos.

But back to my main point. Endos really just don't care. You can quote them and they'll just deny it. Cause honestly the community is built on an entirety of confusion. Not even they seem to understand what the community is like. And I get a community has nuances and subcomminities and stuff, but like. Wow. There is just...so much hypocrisy and contradictory stuff. And if an anti endo describes the community, it is always met "no that's not what they're saying" even when...I have seen endos describe it like that.

Endos make our brain hurt. We are not very smart personally, but still try our best. We still could not explain what an endo is because the definition seems to have so many "oh but also this" to it. And for saying they claim not to have a disorder or have cdd or whatever, they sure do love forcing space. And if we are against it then that means we are bigots and terrible monstrous people. As if. Trauma victims must be perfectly good and kind and accepting. Regardless of endos, trauma victims are allowed have boundaries and to be not always respond with kindness. Trauma fucks people up. Of course anti endos are going to be dicks sometimes. And even then, a lot of them tend to be extremely fair and try to be patient. But that patience is worn thin and then endos will use it to try to act like every anti endo terrible person. There is no winning really. It's exhausting.

Hey, taking paragraph by paragraph to help us follow it and not be confusing from us.

Agreed whole heartedly. We've seen a lot of pro endos try and defend endos going "they don't claim to have DID" meanwhile they follow and reblog from endos that say "endoDID" "endoOSDD" and shit. A lot of endos actually DO claim to have DID just without trauma. We've literally seen a blog saying "nontraumagenic DID" like no. You need trauma for that shit.

Saying this from an autistic system, we can't tell either. To us we tend to think they are trying to manipulate and not because they're evil or anything but because they want people to believe their way. It could be they just don't know but, we don't know.

We get that, we have paranoia with lack of reality things, it's why we took a long break from this blog is because it was triggering our paranoia with endos in the ask box and such. Endos are genuinely so confusing because we've seen several people in a single post go "yeah we aren't disordered" and then go and say "it's ableist to not include us in disorder spaces since society see's us the same" like no. Not saying race and systemhood are the same for this analogy but. Society especially in the west treat people from China, Japan, Philippines, Thailand, North Korea, South Korea, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Mongolia, Vietnam, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia and pretty much every single other Asian country as the same. Does that mean that they all should get to invade spaces for an Asian country just because they are seen as the same by society? No, that's not okay. How people are seen does NOT define if they should share a space. Do want to make it known, they should not all be seen as the same as every country in the world has different people and should not be seen as the exact same

We've seen a lot of "nobody says that" and "nobody does that" meanwhile we'll see them do that to us. We get that, live and let them live. We don't have any endo mutuals but that's because while yes we are technically anti-endo, we tend to be more endo-apathetic because we don't have the energy or mental state to worry about how bad they are, definitely not to want to fight with them because nothing gets through.

We DEFINITELY get that, especially the using their experiences. We've had one person (not naming names because we are ANTI HARASSMENT) sit there and comment on our posts and send us asks talking about how anti endos are bad because of what happened to their friend. That's like me saying that pro endos are bad just because they've been mean to us. To play devils advocate, we have seen a lot of anti-endos in endo tags doing the same thing.

They really don't seem to. We've seen people literally send them a screenshot of a post they made and they'll deny it was them completely. There is a lot of hypocrisy and contradictory things. And they will just deny it even when it's shown that's what they said.

We get that, they make our brains hurt too. We aren't entirely sure how to respond to this one besides that is one of the truest statements. Trauma victims are NOT always going to be kind, some become rough, some become kind, some change between the two all the time. Boundaries are allowed and patience has it's limit. Just because someone has reached it doesn't mean they're bad or evil. It means they were pushed too far

[versegm]

A while back I ran numbers on my own fics right? Checking the hits/comment ratio. A friend of mine also did it for his own fics. Admitedly I don't remember exactly what my friend got but I think we got roughly the same results, ie: About 1% of the people who read a fic leave a comment behind.

This is mostly consistent across fandoms, though there are noticeable exceptions. I was personally extremely surprised to see that one of the worst commenting fandoms was Fate/Grand Order, which stood at a miserable 0,60% of comment/hit. Meaning that for every hundred people reading a fic, you're not even sure to get a single comment. That was doubly surprising because my Fate/Stay Night fics, which are part of the same serie, have a normal hit/comment ratio (actually much higher, 1,30% which is the highest of all fandoms I've ran this experiment for.)

I didn't really think much of it at the time, but recently I got chatting with a friend (who is like me a frequent filler for the nasu kinkmeme) about how there's a fuckton of fgo prompts, but very few people who actually fill them. So I had a theory, which I tested by running some numbers on random arknight fics on ao3. Spoiler: They also had an abyssimal hit/comment ratio (about 0,40%)

So my theory is thus: low level engagement/high demand for content is a gacha fandom issue. I sadly don't know enough about gacha culture to really hazard an explanation. Normally when a game is appreciated by normies who don't do fandom, that translates to a low hit count but the same percentage of comments for fanfics. Maybe gachas introduce people who don't normally do fandom to the concept of fanart & fanfic, so they don't know fandom etiquette yet? Maybe that's just the kind of culture normally birthed by games that encourage you to simp for a given character that isn't usually the focus of the story so you gotta outsource to find more of them?

I don't really have a point with this post, I just thought this was a very interesting fandom trend. Because the specific fandom behavior of "demands lots of stuff but refuses to comment or reblog or support artists" is one I've only ever seen before for like, kids shows, or generally demographics which attracts very young people who haven't grown up surrounded by "hey fic writers love comments you should comment" psa, so I find it really surprising to see that same behavior for a game where the target audience are adults with money.

Obligatory disclaimers:

I ran my arknights numbers on the top ten most read, english, non-crossover fics on ao3. If that didn't represent accurately the arknights demographics then whoops sorry.

These observations are made about the english-speaking side of fandom. Maybe people are more appreciative on pixiv fics idk I didn't check.

I am not a sociologist, I just notice trends and like to analyse them.

[sotwk]

Hi! :) it’s the anon that hasn’t given up on dating yet, I noticed I tend to want to rush relationships, even stressing myself out in the process, like I’m 25yo and I know I should know better lol

I wanted to ask for some advice this time, do you have any advice on taking things slow while dating someone? Or in like just trusting the process without putting pressure on myself? Because I don’t have this problem of being almost abrasive with friendships, it just happens with romantic relationships but maybe it’s because I just started dating people this year so I’m extremely rough around the edges in a romantic sense

Also this is just a quick vent, but a guy came off super strong at first and was taking things pretty fast but when I finally matched his vibe, suddenly things were going too fast for him and he wasn’t ready for a relationship and dipped even though he knew from the start that I was looking for a relationship lol

I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond; I usually try to respond to advice-seeking Asks right away, but August was a bit of a struggle for me!

I'm glad to hear that you haven't given up on dating, and I hope you never do! I'm sure you've gotten sick of hearing this, but 25 is so young! Your 20s are very much the time to figure out what you want and value most in life. I genuinely hope girls don't give in to the pressure to marry right away in their 20s, because a lifelong commitment to a human being is the last thing to be rushed.

Regarding my "advice on taking things slow while dating", my one golden dating tip sounds lame but is straightforward and irrefutable: BE YOURSELF. From everything you have told me in this Ask and in previous Asks, your goal in dating is to find a husband to start a family with. Present your genuine self as much as possible from the start, and expect the same from the guy you are dating. (Unless your intention is to casually date, then much of my advice need not apply; I've personally never been one for casual dating, but it's always sounded like the Wild West.)

It's common and understandable to worry about coming on too strong or too "abrasive" as you said, especially in the "get to know you" stages. But I don't think tamping down your genuine excitement by "playing it cool" ever really works. You're essentially lying about your feelings and important aspects of your personality. What good will that do?

If you're afraid of scaring the guy away, here's the thing: the Right Guy for you will not scare easily. I promise. The Right Guy is the one who will grow only more interested and eager the more he learns about you, which is why you should present him with only truthful things.

How fast or slowly should you share stuff about yourself? However you feel like! If you're honestly comfortable enough with a person to be vulnerable and open up to them right away, then go ahead! Whether a guy can or cannot handle your candor, your passion, or your desire to connect, is something you're better off knowing sooner than later.

Sadly, in this day and age when dating is so difficult and confusing and human connection has deteriorated, guys tend to scare more easily, and I can't say I blame them. However, I repeat: the Right Guy for you will not scare easily. He would be the one matching your pace and enthusiasm for the relationship, if not surpassing it. That experience you spoke of means that guy was just not the Right One, plain and simple. You didn't do anything wrong.

Keep doing as you do. Be Yourself and trust in what you feel when engaging with new acquaintances. I hope I've been helpful or at least encouraging in some way. I wish you lots of luck, fun, and pleasant experiences in this stage of your life. <3

Bonus: If this movie isn't too old for you and assuming you haven't seen it yet, I recommend watching "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"! It's a fun and sweet rom-com, that doesn't take itself too seriously but definitely teaches lessons along the lines of my advice. ;)

[sickly-sapphic]

I'm gonna bounce off that last anon for a moment here + your answer to ask... how DO you feel comfortable with the intersex label? And sorry in advance for the long fucking ask LMFAO I've been... having a time for the past few months.

Obviously it's entirely up to the person whether or not they do, but, like... I want to say I'm intersex. I know how important it is for people to be saying they are intersex, and how I've related to the intersex experience on some level even before I even fully comprehended wtf it meant as a teen. It's important to me. But by the grace of god (extreme childhood neglect, and the people around me not really giving a shit about me to mention anything + not knowing what intersex even is), I somehow never had anyone go "yeah something is up" and thus I don't wholly... relate? There's a sort of rift I feel with the community, like I'm not "really intersex" if I haven't dealt with this or that.

I had a deeper voice, I had darker body hair, I got crazy full-body acne, I was fairly physically androgynous! I relate a little too hard to perimenopause advice!! Among other stuff I won't get into because I don't wanna ramble more. For god's sake, from the very few tests I've had my hormones have been doing fuckall whatever for the past godknows how many years and, as I like to joke, my SHBG is probably ripped with how hard it was carrying my insufficient sex hormone levels pre-T. And yet I feel like I'm faking or some bullshit because I haven't faced obvious intersexism or am visibly intersex. It's a little stupid.

So, okay. To TL;DR, I guess: I have turbo imposter syndrome because I'm totally mentally well and without trauma (lie) and feel like I don't deserve to call myself intersex because "what if you aren't though :/ and are co-opting experiences that aren't yours ://". I know something I should internalize is "slow the fuck down" but that is a bit hard with my head going "Okay but you need answers NOW". Any thoughts and/or advice??

Also I love seeing your posts ur so awesome ilu /p

I mean you're definitely intersex enough!! If it helps you on your journey, I super duper relate to the traits described. Not everyone *does* experience intersexism before finding out theyre intersex. Some people's traits present completely internally, and they'll experience a different set of life experiences regarding being intersex.

Being visibly intersex and experiencing intersexism aren't the qualifiers to being intersex (just like suffering and misogyny aren't what define womanhood). What made me most confident with calling myself intersex was my girlfriend - she could pretty confidently look at me and say "yeah.... thats intersex" (despite not being confident in her own identity yet). Hearing that confirmation from an outside source can be really affirming!!

I'd say interact with other intersex people, find community, talk in the community, you don't have to come right out and be sure of it before you start engaging with the community - I wasn't.

I hope you're able to feel comfortable and affirmed soon!!

[qqueenofhades]

Is it... bad that I just do not CARE about men's mental health no matter how many articles I see about it? "single men are lonely :(((" They made the manosphere roe is overturned and are railing against no fault divorce. I just... don't have energy for this right now. Like i've advocated for men's mental health before, but I'm seeing an INFLUX of "what about men??? they need WIVES!" sentiment from the right and i just. I'm just not feeling it.

No, you're not a bad person at all. The intense legal misogyny and widespread cultural revanchist toxic-masculinity grievance politics right now are absolutely exhausting, and I often feel the same way. However, I think it's possibly useful to differentiate what's actually upsetting you the most, and how that's not the same thing as what the peddlers of this narrative would like you to think. After all, you're not fed up with men's mental health per se; you're fed up (and rightfully so) with the reactionary right-wing fascist narrative that constantly insists that helpless men are victims of the evil women and gays, that the only way for a (white, straight, Christian) man to be happy or a "real man" is by engaging in toxic masculinity, traditional patriarchy, and the destruction of feminism, and that Manhood (tm) is under some kind of existential threat by those soft wimpy liberals who talk about feelings and other gross stuff, and not just Beer, Guns, God, and Freedom. (You know, as if the entirety of human history has happened just to get us back to this point of caveman patriarchy, but let's not talk about Bruno.)

Extreme and macho masculinity/insisting that there's only one way to be a man/any gender variance or departure from traditional norms is Bad, are all key social features of fascism. That's why a) there's such a backlash against trans people right now, and b) most of that concern has focused on the idea of "men in dresses" pretending to be women, "betraying" their gender assigned at birth, "preying" on (poor, helpless, unaware, feeble) women, and otherwise voluntarily relinquishing their manhood, which under fascism is synonymous with power and therefore the worst crime imaginable. After all, with these ludicrous state laws about being forced to dress as your gender assigned at birth -- who do you think is going to be most affected by that? I'm sure they'll get around to criminalizing women wearing trousers and plaid shirts eventually, but it's really hard to tell if a woman is "dressing according to her biological gender." If a male-presenting or AMAB person attempts to dress in more feminine fashion, however, that is the heart of the problem and what fascism is trying to restrict and outlaw.

After all, regardless of what the right wing carps and sobs and screams about, "manhood" is not a unitary, singular category, and rich, white, straight, Christian, Trump-loving men are not the "default" standard for manhood, no matter how many terrible books Josh Hawley might write about the subject. Black/Hispanic men, Indigenous men, trans men, queer men, disabled men, immigrant men, poor men, Muslim men, etc., are all also men, but obviously fascism doesn't value them or think they're complying with the heteronormative white supremacist paradigm. So yeah, obviously all their talk about "men's rights" basically boils down to "women should voluntarily relinquish all the legal and social advancements of the last 150 years in order to meekly serve men, uphold white theocratic fascism, and establish Gilead without a complaint, like good biblical helpmeets!" So THAT, or at least it feels like to me, is what you're angry about, and you should be!

Because the right wing has been so successful at casting "men" in general under this one category, it can be hard to pick apart or see any nuance in what's going on, and you don't have to give the time of day to those "poor mistreated men need tradwives!" nonsense pieces. But by continuing to push back against this awful definition of manhood, you can help show how it's interlinked with fascism and racism, it's inflicting terrible damage on men themselves, and help men understand that they DON'T need to live like that or force themselves into that paradigm in order to be successful. So yeah.

[furiousgoldfish]

Damn i was not expecting the "#tw extreme abuse", thank you very much for your words though

I might be able to help the person who asked about healthy relationships though, ive made a lot of good relationships despite my family:

Communication

•above all else, communicate. Tell them about yourself. Learn about them. Get to know eachother! Likes, dislikes. Boundaries especially! Check in on them. Just a quick hi once in a while can do wonders (lots of relationships fail due to lack of communication or miscommunication)

•listen to eachother

Arguements

•if something happens you can always walk away, make sure the other person understands that they can as well. Take time to collect yourselves and explain later why your upset

•be clear and ask for clarification where you need it

•fights can be scary but dont think that someone will leave you after one

•try to steer clear of insults/threats/blackmail if your angry, thats hard to repair after

Trust

•i know its hard to trust and you can take all the time you need to learn how, but making healthy relationships is a good way to learn trust.

•Dont lie to them or you will get caught up in trying to keep it under wraps (unless its to protect your safety, in that case maybe being around this person is not a good idea), not only will they not trust you but you wont give yourself the opportunity to trust them

Kindness

•be nice. Its simple. Good people, the people that will make for great friends/support/family will be kind back! Go out and meet people! Youll make friends! Just give yourself a chance!

•treat other how you deserve to be treated, with all the love and kindess you should have gotten! They will pay it back, they will love you!

Other notes

•express interest in their interests. You dont have to be a big fan, people will want to show you what they like when they like you. They're sharing something special to them. So ask about it! You dont have to engage much with it, but show them their interests have value. It will make them really happy, and they should be open to yours as well.

•do fun shit together! Something you both enjoy! If there isnt anything that overlaps you can do your own stuff in eachothers company. Just hanging out with them is enough.

•being able to love someone else, is to love yourself. You're filled with so much compassion and care for this person, and they will feel the same. They will be their to love you when life hits the fan.

•again take your time, it can be hard to get right. If it doesn't work out thats an experience you can carry into the next relationship, something to learn from.

Caution:

-make sure they actually make you happy and treat you well, not that theyre just the first person you could latch onto

-make sure you both have personal freedoms, your loyalty to eachother should not come at that cost

-keep yourself safe, safety comes first

Finding good people is a very important one as well, if anyone needs i could try explaining that too. Hope this helps.

Hey thank you for sending this manual!

Yeah your situation is extreme, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you get to experience freedom.

Your manual sounds really nice and is filled with common sense, and I've been following these types of guidelines for most of my life, but still had absolutely no luck. The thing is, this would work if you're surrounded with kind, understanding, non-abusive, friendly people who also just wanted to be friends with you and reciprocate and earn your trust and keep you in your life.

However a lot of people will see your friendly, kind, compassionate and communicative nature and decide to make use of it. It's been the hardest thing for me to realize when the other person is just pretending to be friendly back, in order to exploit me. It's really difficult to take distance from someone when they make you feel guilty for it and attack you for it, and it's hard to not feel guilty and betrayed when it happens. Manipulative people make great use of trust and communication you give them! Treating them with love and kindness will often get you in a situation where love and kindness will be expected, or demanded out of you, while you find yourself unable to ask even for some patience and space for yourself. And I'm worried that this is the situation for most abused people, we're often trying so hard to be kind, communicative, trusting, interested, loyal, patient, giving, caring, compassionate, and they zero in on that and eat it up, taking some time to make us let our guard down, before they start banking on us being in their service.

I have been trying to find good people all of my life, and fell unsuccessful, and I've tried hundreds of people, created a system of red flags that make me drop them, and had to drop pretty much everyone. And it's not as if this manual is generally bad, or I've just sucked so much at communicating and building boundaries, it's just, really difficult after abuse to feel okay around people, and to not be bothered by some of their manipulative nature - it hurts us more than it hurts others.

So even as I'm really bad with people, I can't recommend being very kind, trusting or communicative, of course it's nice if you can be that and not get hurt for it, but I absolutely cannot. It never happened once in my life, that someone returned the same kindness, love and care I gave them, and it often broke my heart. I would have to be very naive to still believe that I just haven't done it for the right person - hundreds of people reacted similarly, took what they could, then either turned on me, hurt me and pretended it was okay and I should stop being sensitive, or abandoned me altogether if I ever stood up to them.

This all is not your fault, and I can completely understand how you sent in these instructions with best of intentions, sincerely believing that this is the key to healthy relationships. It seemed like that to me too, when I was younger! I fully believed this would work, kind people would see me and return the kindness, it would be okay. The only thing I can recommend is the stuff you have under caution - if someone fails to reciprocate, or reciprocates at first and then stops reciprocating, get distance. If your freedom around this person is limited, get away, get distance. If they start treating you worse at any point, get distance. It's not worth ending up in another abusive, neglected or scary situation just for the hope of human connection. And it's also really difficult for an abused person tell when they're being neglected, treated badly or their kindness is not reciprocated, just because we've already been used to so much worse, so anyone not outright threatening to kill us seems like a nice enough person who deserves our whole heart. They often do not.

[ignitesthestxrs]

Do you mind sharing what stuff added later by the author did you hate?

oh sure LOL like i have written before on the magical yellowface and how poorly the worldbuilding failed with shu han before and i think that is one of the most Egregious issues. kuwei like,,,does not even get to be a character, he's just a prop for this mlm romance that he is never given a reason to actually be involved in, and he is not allowed to become a part of the crew like the rest of the characters. he's just kind of the sentient plot point they carry around until the time comes to literally sell him to the highest bidder lmfaaaao

uuuh i do not like the depiction of parem as an addictive substance, i realise this is quibbling and it's magic etc etc, but i think that if you're going to use 'extremely addictive drug' as a metaphor in your magic world, you should put more effort into the way your characters interact with that drug and addiction. like the idea of 'drug that you take once and either it kills you or you're ruined for life' is silly and also not very emotionally evocative. also 'extremely addictive drug developed by the science monsters in the East that then becomes a significant factor in impending war' sure is a nasty trope to engage in without really subverting or interrogating it.

re: the darkling i just have narrative issues with that, i think that bringing him back is a dumb decision. it undercuts the narrative choices made in the original trilogy, and results in alina as a protagonist being relegated to kind of second tier status. like the darkling coming back in a story that does not have anything to do with alina is essentially a narrative claim that the darkling is more significant than alina, in a series that was originally about alina.

it's also just the way he's bought back that is so, so silly. it's so silly. why is this bee lady here. what is she doing. like again, the narrative fulcrum of the first trilogy is this relationship between alina and the darklig and this significant connection, and now this bee lady who we've never met before is bringing the darkling back to life? why do i care about her? why does she care about the darkling??? is the villain of this book really 'crazy lady who is obsessed with the darkling and bringing him back to life'? it is a narrative decision that somehow manages to pander to a particular subset of eager darkling fans, while also parodying them.

i think ultimately as someone who spent a lot of my fandom time and effort like exploring the narrative impetus for killing this character and why it worked as a satisfying conclusion to the trilogy, it's not that i would have not wanted him to come back ever for any reason at all, but rather that aws a reader i needed a really good reason for it? and i think the seeds of that really good reason were there in nikolai LOL like we didn't need a whole lot of New Worldbuilding Lore That We've Never Seen Before And Also This Bee Lady. nikolai with his own internal monster darkling seeds was right there, and in a book that was supposed to be about nikolai trying to be king, the focal point should have been...you know, that. if the darkling was going to come back, it should have been because of what actions nikolai (the protagonist!!! the titular king of scars!!) was taking in his efforts to rule while containing and/or using his monstrous self.

also the zoya dragon thing was dumb. it was just dumb and i didn't like it. i didn't like the defanging of zoya's character in general - the backfilling of her history to explain how she got her amplifier because of trying and failing to save an animal rather than just straight up murdering it is Weak. zoya was a cunt when we first met her! she was ruthless and power hungry and she wanted to impress the darkling! you undercut the character growth she had in turning against him when you fill in her history to make her Secretly Compassionate From The Start. she broke alina's bones because she was jealous of her, let her kill a fucking tiger for power and then realise what the desire for power does to a person over the course of her character arc.

in general so many of the choices the author made as the series got more and more popular felt like she was retroactively changing things based on various discourses that had cropped up over the years and felt more grounded in a conversation with the fandom than in a conversation with the books she had already written. it was a sad, slow process of falling out of love with these books for me sdhgkdsfg obviously i still have a lot of residual feeling and knowledge and opinions about them, but that is kind of the heartbreak of growing out of caring about something. you're left with all this Stuff and nowhere to put it.

[andypantsx3]

I’ve written to you before a very long time ago about things not going very well for me, and things are better now. Thank you for your compassion to a stranger then. It’s given me ideas as someone who also enjoys writing. I’m sure you’ve got variations of this question before so I’m sorry if I’ve missed those somehow but any advice on how to start writing and sharing your writing publicly? Like I created an account to send you this but I have no clue about anything really. Will I seem like a random interloper in the fandom who has arrived out of the blue 😭 I guess my concern is I’ll realize I’m actually not good at writing at all or worse nobody will read any of it. I feel awkward about actively promoting my work too. I don’t want to be famous or anything but it would suck if nobody wanted to read my stuff. You’re something of a stalwart at least for the fandom/genre/pairings you regularly write for and while I won’t aspire to that, how did you deal with self-doubt as an early writer? I know it’s not like I hope to earn money out of this or anything so opinions are just opinions but all my writing feels so personal to me that I’m worried about being convinced nobody cares about what I have to say. How does one really get their start at all. I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I’m super lost. It’s just that if someone’s terrible day or week could be made a little better because of my work, as your work regularly does for people, that would be nice. I hope you’re doing really well and randomly find something you’ve been looking for!

Hello my love!! I'm so happy I could help you out a little when you were in a tough spot!! I am very very happy that things are looking up for you now and I hope things only continue to get better and better!!! 💕

And oh my gosh, I don't think anyone will think of you as an interloper!!! Fandom is a community and the more the merrier imho! The x Reader community in particular is super welcoming and very nonjudgmental and the perfect place to get your start; almost everyone here is super nice and really chill. People will surprise you with how much nicer they are than you expect; I think you should just take a leap of faith and jump in!!

But just in case, let me give you the most realistic and straightforward advice I can. It's easy to dip your toes in and test the waters but I think you will need the below pieces of advice if you plan to battle self-doubt and continue writing & publishing fic without burning out or going nuts in the long term lol.

1. Find balance in the source of your self-worth

With publishing anything online, you always hope that people will like it and will want to engage with it. On tumblr the best measurement we have of that is notes, and on ao3 kudos + comments. Notes/comments/kudos are incredible and will make you feel more cherished than anything in the world. I will always appreciate them more than I can say, but one thing it is essential to know is that they are external sources of validation, and it is extremely dangerous to attach your sense of worth solely to the actions of other people.

If you want to publish fic, you will need to also find some internal sense of worth in your writing. You will need to finely balance that with how much you treasure the feedback of other people in order to stay afloat long term.

I recommend really sitting down and thinking about what you are writing/what you want to write, and why it is worth it to you. What makes your fic interesting to you? What are you doing differently than other people that makes you unique? What does your authorial voice sound like? Answering these questions will help you identify what you are bringing to the table as an author, so you know what it is that you do well, even if people aren't engaging the way you want, or even if you're receiving criticism.

For me, I really find value in the places I diverge from other fic authors. People really love writing powerful hero readers, but I usually write quirkless side characters who have somehow found themselves the main character. Chaptered/long fics are also less common in our fandom than oneshots, but I typically write chaptered fics! And I have a stylistically simple and light voice which is easily accessible.

All of these help me know that I'm bringing some fun distinct stuff to the table, even if what I'm bringing isn't perfect or necessarily as popular. And even if I enjoy other peoples' fics and authorial voices more than my own; I'm still bringing something unique and valuable!! So even when people aren't picking up every single thing I'm putting down, I still know the value of putting them down anyway.

2. Manage expectations

I think it can be easy to compare ourselves with one another, especially if you follow some well-established authors or people writing for super popular characters. Even I succumb to jealousy on occasion; it's just human nature. But it's important to know people will engage with different types of fics in different ways and that other people's success has nothing to do with your own.

I think you should set realistic expectations for how people will engage with your fics depending on what it is that you want to write. Some fandoms are much larger than others and therefore have a wider built-in audience. Some characters are also wildly more popular than others so it is likelier fics for those characters will go a bit further. In my experience, people really gravitate towards smutty scenarios or headcanons, sometimes oneshots, and less so chaptered fic. And some authors have been around for forever, or post constantly so that they are regularly drawing people in, and therefore have a larger reader pool than other authors.

So think about what you are writing, for which characters, and in which fandoms, and level your expectations accordingly. For me, even though Shouto is fairly popular, he also only has roughly 1/3 of Bakugou's level of popularity. So I never try to gauge the success of a Shouto fic in comparison to a Bakugou fic I've written, or even the Bakugou fics of other more established Bakugou writers.

This, combined with my own internal sense of worth as a writer, helps me feel like I'm doing pretty good for myself, even if I get like, 30 notes on a fic compared to someone else's 300 or something.

3. Understand that writing is a growing process!

One other essential tip is to understand that writing is a skill set than can be refined and honed. What you write one day is not indicative of where your skill level will sit the next day. And so critique you receive, or mistakes you have made, are really less indicative of failure and more tools to help you get to the next level.

This is one I've personally struggled with, but it can be worth it to be open to feedback that is not necessarily complimentary, with the caveat that you should know what is objective constructive criticism, and what is more subjective/personal preference. The latter you can disregard, because tailoring a fic to some random person's arbitrary tastes is not going to help you tell a good story lol.

But people telling you what they would like to see more of or things that didn't make sense to them can help you understand where you can make improvements to your writing. And it's not to say your writing is not good enough where it is; only to say there are avenues for you to develop even more experience.

For me, this has largely been in the area of smut lol. I liked my lil vanilla smut scenes, but I used to commonly get a fair amount of feedback wishing they were spicier. And, after initially getting defensive lmao, I could see how that was a common piece of feedback across multiple critiques, and I understood how drawing those scenes out might help contribute to the feeling of intimacy, satisfaction, and closure I want to develop at the end of a fic!!

I think being open to feedback while understanding that critique does not in any way take away from your talent overall, can only help you preserve the satisfaction you have with your writing, and help you refine in the future!! It keeps writing interesting, and keeps your sense of self-worth tied up in the process of writing, not necessarily the product of the writing, if that makes sense.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now. Even with all this advice listed out, I think you should just have hope and trust in people and dive right in. It sounds like you are an earnest person wanting to make heartfelt connections, and in my experience people will reflect that energy right back at you!!

I am sending you all my best vibes and looking forward to reading your stuff, if you end up going for it and posting!!! 💕✨

[countlessrealities]

Questions Often Left Unanswered: Mun Edition || Accepting !

@angelichooves asked:

What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to RPing?

What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to the fandom you RP in?

11. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to RPing?

This is going to make me sound like a picky jerk, but there are a lot of behaviours in the rpc that piss me off these days. It's kinda hard to choose one, and I could write a novel about it, but...well, I'm tired and I can't English that much, so I'll pick one thing. Namely how self-centred and uncaring the RPC has become.

Ofc, we're here all here to have fun and handle our blogs. Get interactions for them, share our ideas, have fun for ourselves, and so on. However, at times I feel like this has become an extreme focus to some RPers, to the point that they forget that RP is supposed to be a two-way street, and not just something you get amusement from. It's not just about you, it's about your RP partners too.

More often than not I see people disregarding the most basic etiquette, as liking HCs posts or sending in OOC memes just to reblog the same fucking meme 30 seconds later. And don't get me started on people, on one hand, forcing their HCs on others or, on the other, completely disregarding their partners' HCs / canon divergence /etc.

I honestly find this behaviour incredibly disheartening. It kills my motivation to reach out to people, to be curious about their ideas and muse, and in general to show interest, when I know that they won't give a damn about my ideas. Not even to make sure we can mesh them together so that they work for us both. I can't find the will to engage with them because I'm too old for that shit, plain and simple.

Aaand, I'm stopping here, because I've already said too much. Just, seriously? Have a look outside your lawn from time to time, folks. It's not that hard.

12. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to the fandom you RP in?

Since it wasn't specified, I'm assuming that this ask was implicitly about Hazbin Hotel / Helluva Boss.

Well, very unpopular opinion, it really gets on my nerves how most of the fandom states, first and foremost, how they are against the creator. It seems to have become a must in the fandom and it makes me extremely uncomfortable? I'll admit that I don't know all the details of why people seem to have Viv so much, but from what I gathered is all about fictional stuff?? Which confuses the shit out of me because...it's not real.

Yeah, I'm one of the people who doesn't think that fiction equals / influences reality. It's stated in my rules, I don't tolerate people bullying other over fictional stuff. If you're following me, you should know that. Not to mention that I've been clearly open about this, several times, so...

I like her stuff, just as I respect that some people don't. It's all the hate that's thrown out without a proper, actually relevant reason that I don't get. I mean, sure, you do you, and if that's what makes you comfortable, I won't argue with that. But it means that you must respect that I don't agree with it in return.