#t: lounge lizard

[vgtrackbracket]

Video Game Track Bracket Round 2

The Death that I Deservioli from Pizza Tower

vs.

Lounge Lizard from Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare

Propaganda under the cut. If you want your propaganda reblogged and added to future polls, please tag it as propaganda or otherwise indicate this!

The Death that I Deservioli:

I think this music is the only reason anyone's ever actually gotten 101%. It's the very definition of taunting death as you go for your second lap. And the song makes you feel like it! It has the smug confidence that going out of your way for a second lap deserves, but with enough tension to let you know you could still die any moment.

Lounge Lizard:

green grass and sun on a chilly day vibes

[luxaryllis]

Hi, there! I would request a hurt/comfort fic in which Leona’s fem! s/o suddenly faints after a traumatizing memory of his Overblot episode. And when she wakes up, she tearfully tells him of her fear of losing him a second time. How will he react? Angst with a happy ending, please! Thanks a bunch!

Remembering a Traumatizing Memory of His Overblot w/ Leona Kingscholar

Note: This took so long to get back to, I’m so sorry. For some reason, I couldn’t find this ask on my phone Tumblr, so I have to write this on my laptop.

Anyway, this is probably my first time doing an actual romantic fic, so please excuse anything wrong, or tell me and I’ll try to fix it.

For plot reasons, I will make Reader NOT MC; so Reader is already a student in NRC before MC. The year Reader is in is up to you, but it’s preferable if they were a third year mostly because Leona is 20 canonically.

WARNING/S: Chapter 2 Spoiler/s, Possible OOC, Reader identifies as female and uses female pronouns, Reader has an established relationship with Leona, Reader is NOT MC, Mentions of overblot, Reader possibly has PTSD, Contains Angst, Angst to Comfort, Probably a bit bad (I'm bad at romance sorry-), Mentions of death (no one actually dies dw-), One curse word

Anyway, let’s get to it!

------

Leona growls at the Savanaclaw students, who were all sweating and panting (some were on the ground, possibly fainted from exhaustion).

“Grrr, you’re all not doing good enough. How do you think we’ll be able to win the Magift tournament against RSA?!”

One of the Savanaclaw students, a jackal beastman, speaks up, wiping some sweat of their face, “Dorm Leader Leona, we’re all just so tired. A bunch of us stayed up last night studying for the exams... we’ll do better, I swear!”

Leona clicks his tounge, "Tch. You better. If we lose to that lizard's dorm, I swear, I will punt you to the next dimension."

A resounding, "Yes Dorm Leader" was heard from the other students.

From the stands, overhearing the conversation, [Name] frowns, worry bubbling up in her gut.

---

[Name] enters the Savanaclaw lounge, not expecting to see her boyfriend growling at his juniors, in an attack stance.

"What is going on?!"

[Name] shouts, concern and sloght fear being detected in her voice.

At the sound of her voice the entirety of Savanaclaw looked at her. Everyone except Leona were staring at her like she was their saviour and last hope. Leona, however, looked at her and stiffens, his green eyes narrowing.

"[Name], stay out of this", 'please' her boyfriend's eyes pleaded, but everything else just screamed hostility.

However, the woman stood her ground.

"No. Leona, tell me. Please just tell me. What is going on here? You've been acting out of it recently."

[Name] does her best to stay calm and neutral, slowly approaching Leona as a few students decide to book it and leave the room.

Leona presses his lips together, breathing heavily. He releases his stance when everyone else finally leaves. His shoulders were tense, which normally isn't such a usual sight on the prince. After a while of silence and a slight staring contest between the couple, Leona sighs heavily.

"Just stay out of it. It's like they all just got so puny all of a sudden. It just HAD to be when the selection for spelldrive players would be right around the corner."

Leona's voice was tight and frustrated, as if he was holding back on snapping at his girlfriend. Which, he definitely was; he may be feeling really annoyed right now, but he wasn't going to be showing any sign of disrespect to his woman.

[Name] sighs and tries to reason and calm Leona down. She does understand where he's coming from, after all. However, her gut feelings tell her something bad might happen, so she tries choosing her words carefully.

"Calm down. School's been very hectic at the moment as well. They want to win the tournament against RSA just as much as you do. Just give them some time, be patient. They'll come around soon enough-"

"'Soon enough' won't cut it! They have to come around NOW! At this point, Savanclaw's lost all it's glory. All those wins and recognition go to th at lizard in Diasomnia. We have to be able to take 'em all down."

Leona cuts [Name] off, some of his tension getting to him. He regards the Diasomnia Dorm Leader with a sharp tone on his tongue, as if spitting out a rotten vegetable he was forced to eat. He looks at the girl with his eyes narrowed into a glare.

[Name] frowns even more, a small part of them starting to get very, very scared. She blinks, and suddenly all she sees was Leona's overblot, looking down at her like some pest. She gasps slightly, blinking again and now she sees Leona as himself. She repeats this process for a while until the panic kicks in.

Suddenly realizing the eerie and unsettling similarities on the the mental image she was seeing and of the man in front of her, [Name] starts to breath heavily. She starts shaking profusely, hands reaching to her ears and gripping the sides of her head. She shuts her eyes and starts muttering soft protests, "no... no please... don't hurt me... don't leave me... I've always been here for you.... don't... don't do this..."

Leona, not expecting the strange reaction widens his eyes, quickly going to his girlfriend and taking her in his arms. He tries comforting her, which unfortunately, isn't something he's very good at.

"Hey... hey, hey, shhh.... it's... it's alright... you're alright, okay? Everything's fine..."

Realizing that [Name] wasn't responding, nor was she moving as much, Leona checks and notices that she was unconscious.

Absolutely alarmed, he calls for Ruggie and tells him to take care of the dorm while he's gone.

"Hold on! What happened to [Name]! Is she okay?!"

"......I don't know...."

Knowing that this would be a bad time, Ruggie stays quiet after hearing Leona's unsure statement. He nods and heads back to the lounge, watching as Leona rushes to the mirror and leaves to go to the infirmary.

---

To say that Crewel Divus was startled at the sudden entrance of Leona Kingscholar would be a HUGE understatement.

However, looking at the girl in the lion beastman's arms, the teacher's eyes widen and he quickly has Leona lay down on the bed.

Crewel does a couple check-ups on the fainted student and finds that she has a fever. Not a very high fever, but a fever, nonetheless.

He tells Leona that nothing seems to be wrong with her other than a fever and slightly elevated heart rate which is slowly but surely going back to normal.

"When the pup wakes up, don't overwhelm her. It would most likely worsen her condition. Am I understood, Kingscholar?"

"Yeah, yeah. You got it teach."

---

"HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME, [NAME]?! FIRST, THE UNRULY HYNENA. AND NOW EVEN MY GIRLFRIEND THINKS I'M THE WORST!! IS THAT WHAT IT IS, HUH?!"

Leona's voice rips through [Name]'s heart, hurting her beyond relief.

The dryness of the sand caused by her boyfriend's magic hurts her eyes and makes it hard to even keep her eyes open.

"Leona, please! Stop this!! We can talk about it please!"

She tries to shout out to him, though the effort was futile and only seemed to aggravate him further.

"TALK ABOUT IT?! HAHAHAHA DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH. WITH THIS POWER, I CAN TURN THE WHOLE WORLD TO SAND AND MAKE EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO ME!!!"

'No...'

'No please...'

'If you go any further, you could die...'

Words that easily formed at her tongue but never slipped out. She tries opening her parched mouth only to see that the phantom behind Leona was getting bigger and bigger.

It... it was... swallowing Leona in its body! The girl tries running to the live of her life, to maybe save him or at least get to him.

But she was too late.

The lion phantom's paws swiped her away, and she gets sent flying to the pillars, screaming one thing.

"LEONA!!!"

---

"LEONA!!!"

[Name] awakens with a bolt, sweat running down her body and tears streaming her face.

She breathes heavily, looking around.

She was in the infirmary...?

Her dream suddenly resurfaces in her head.

Leona.

Where is he?

What happened to him?

Is... is he okay?!

The woman suddenly hears a groan and looks at the side of her bed, eyes widening at the sight of her boyfriend seemingly waking up.

He seemed fine for the most part. But... since when was his eyes bags so bad??

Realizing that [Name] was awake, Leona's shoulders sagged in relief.

"Thank goodness, you're awake. Wait... are you okay? Hey, why are you cryi- ack!"

The second prince of the Afterglow Savanah was cut off when his girlfriend hugs him tightly, crying even harder. Sighing with a ghost of a smile as he loosely hugs back.

"I... I thought I was gonna lose you again...."

Leona frowns, confused, until [Name] continues.

"Like your overblot. You...", the woman sniffs, "you scared me. So damn (or darn if u aren't comfortable with swearing-) much..."

His eyes widen. Ah... so that's what that was about...

His expression softens, his arms tightening firmly but comfortably around the sobbing woman and he leans his head on hers.

"I'm sorry.... for.... everything."

And Leona was. He truly was. It still did feel kind of strange apologizing, but for his girlfriend he would be willing to do it until his throat would bleed.

He never realized that his overblot would be so hard on her. He thought that she'd have mooved on from it but... it seems that wasn't the case.

His heart warms at the thought that his girlfirend was worried for him. He gets filled with warmth and tenderness as he realizes that his girlfriend is actually real, and loves him very much.

Being the second prince of the Afterglow was a tough way to live. Getting constantly compared to Falena, being disliked and borderline hated by the people of the kingdom, always being overlooked... it taught Leona that even a good thing would never last forever with him. And that no one would ever dare want to be close to him.

Until [Name] came and barged into his heart. She showed him true love and that she wouldn't abandon him.

She didn't care about the fact that he was the second born and would never get the throne. She didn't care that he was disliked and had a bad reputation. All she cared about was Leona.

And all Leona cares about is her.

Leona smiles softly into the love of his life's head.

"I won't ever leave you, [insert your chosen/fav term of endearment]. I promise."

"You better not break that promise, lion."

"I won't. ...I love you. Very much."

"I love you more."

---

Crewel, who was standing by the door of the infrimary, raises an eyebrow at the display and smiles.

'Ah, young puppy love...'

He thinks to himself as he silently leaves the couple alone.

---

END!!!

Okay!

So!

I did promise that I would be out with something new by the end of the week!

Here it is!!

Thank you for reading!

Feedback and comments are very much appreciated!!

Have a great day/night, everyone!! 💙

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

Clumsy Mouse

(Leona with rodent!Syn won, so here it is! Takes place the same week of Late Night Check In, so Leona is a bit salty about Syn’s disappearance AND finding out that Malleus and them hang out.

Also… yes, I may or may not have actually tripped like this before, but fuck off. I know I’m clumsy, lol. Also, yeah, Syn’s a gerbil but ‘Clumsy Gerbil’ doesn’t sound as good.)

Count: 6865

TW/CW: Soft, safe, nonsexual oral G/t vore and a bit of mouthplay

“Your tail’s twitching,” Ruggie said in mild amusement, glancing over said appendage as it flicked back and forth irritably.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leona crossed his arms over his chest and looked as casual as can be, though the illusion was broken by an even stronger twitch of his tail that threatened to flick high enough to knock off anything too close to the edge of the table. His ear twitched at Ruggie’s signature snicker.

“Sure ya don’t,” the hyena raised his arms to lace his fingers behind his head, mischievously adding, “I heard Malleus has been less sulky than usual these last few days.”

“RUGGIE.” Leona practically snarled, making the shorter man yelp.

“Aw, what’s that,” Ruggie asked rhetorically, covering his nervousness at Leona’s snap. “I forgot to take your clothes to the cleaners? Lemme take care of that real quick.”

The hyena quickly left the room while Leona glared at his retreating form for a few seconds. Once Ruggie was out of the room, Leona scoffed and growled to himself.

“Tch. That fucking lizard…”

__________________

“This is DEFINITELY not the right color,” Syn sighed, putting their hands on their hips as they looked at the far too orange concoction they’d ended up with in the small personal cauldron Professor Crewel had let them borrow for this extra credit assignment.

It was supposed to be red.

Huffing, they pulled their phone out of their pocket before hesitating on who to contact for help. They were getting real tired of having to rely on everyone else for their fucking coursework.

The Octavinelle trio were the first to come to mind, particularly Jade and Azul, but they still hadn’t gathered the nerve to apologize to Azul for snapping at him last week and they didn’t doubt the two eels were more than willing to jump them the second the duo was around them alone.

Both of them had already walked up during lunch at some point and told them to ‘watch their back’ lest they find themself ‘punished for their little stunt’. Probably the only reason they hadn’t yet was because of their duties as Mostro Lounge.

Riddle was good, but he explained things in so much detail that their head would swim instead of just saying 'Put two sprigs of Witch Willow in, then the Newts Breath' and they wanted to actually be able to make it themself rather than him just take over and hand them a final product. They weren't close to Vil and he specialized in poisons, though they didn't doubt he could handle the weak transmutation potion that was just meant to turn lead into aluminum… they mostly just felt awkward talking to him.

Syn growled as they scrolled through their contacts, debating just accepting the fail to bump their score when they turned it in tomorrow.

Coming across Leona's name, they paused and quirked an eyebrow. He'd helped them and Epel before… though, that had been because Epel mentioned Rook. Still, he’d been acting a bit weird the last couple days, almost aggressively helpful.

He still insulted them, sneered at them and called them ‘herbivore’, yet somehow he’d been almost TOO eager to try and offer his assistance despite grumbling the whole time and saying they should ‘cry tears of joy for his kindness’. It was only a bit more annoying than usual and maybe they could take advantage of his current ‘compassion’ to help them figure out where they went wrong.

With the full knowledge that texting seldom ever drew the lion's attention, they steeled themself to call him. As long as it wasn’t on mute, he should, theoretically, answer… maybe.

Syn started to peel off their labcoat and gloves as they waited with their phone on speaker, deciding to take a break from the protective fabric until Leona potentially showed up. After a few rings, the man surprisingly picked up.

“What do ya want, herbivore,” Leona’s voice was thick and a bit huskier from sleep, having obviously been woken up.

Well, now they felt a bit bad about trying to get his help. And suddenly very nervous to continue lest they bring the wrath of a pissed off lion on themself.

“Ack, you know what? It’s fine,” they said, waving their hand dismissively despite him not being able to see them. “Not that important, so sorry for waking you. I’ll let you-.”

“You’ve already woken me with something to say, so spit it out,” he demanded, making them sigh.

“Crewel gave me the chance to bump my grade with an extra credit transmutation potion, but I keep fucking it up somehow, so I was gonna ask for some help with it,” Syn reluctantly replied, fiddling with one of the rubber gloves they placed on the nearest desk. “I can probably figure it out at some point though, so don’t worry about it.”

There was a growl from the other side of the phone and they fully expected to be bitched at for wasting his time. Instead, to their immense surprise, Leona grumbled, “I’ll be there in a bit. Dump what you have so we can start from scratch and I’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong.”

“Oh, uuuuh, thanks,” they blinked in surprise at his unnaturally amiable behavior, feeling hesitant and a bit suspicious about it.

“Don’t mention it. You owe me though,” they could practically feel the lions smugness from their phone, able to easily picture the smirk usually coupled with it.

“Of course,” they sighed, but it made more sense and was less disconcerting than the man somehow deciding to do something with no strings attached. Pinching the bridge of their nose, they added, “Fine, fine. As long as you can help me, whatever.”

“See you soon, herbivore,” Leona chuckled before the hang up tone sounded from their phone.

Syn huffed, glowering at the now black screen before placing the phone on the desk. As they grabbed the small cauldron by the cast iron handles, grunting a little at the weight, they supposed that it could be a lot worse. They could have Floyd wrapping himself around them to impede their movement or throwing random ingredients to cause something interesting (I.e. explosion) or Azul trying to swindle them for his assistance.

Leona would probably just eat them and pass out for a few hours, too lazy for much taunting and preferring to just get right to the point. Not ideal, but not the worst.

As they walked around a couple desks to the Magical Waste container where it would safely dissipate from a bunch of charms on it, they found themself tripping over nothing. The tip of their shoe just grazed the ground a bit too much as they lifted their leg and caused them to stumble.

“FUCK!”

They were able to keep themself from falling face first onto the personal cauldron and spilling it, jerking to the side to try and use the shelf beside them to remain upright. But, the force caused the shelf to shake, rattling ingredients against the glass doors for a moment before those same glass doors swung open. Several random ingredients fell on top of them and the cauldron, some loose and some in jars.

A particularly heavy jar struck them on top of their head and startled them with the sudden pain, causing them to bend forward in surprise and reach up to rub the spot… realizing halfway that they let go of one of the cauldron handles.

“Wait, fuck, nooo,” Syn practically wailed in tired exasperation as potion spilled and the cauldrons weight shifted enough for them to have to try and take a step to steady themself, sneaker slipping on the now wet floor. Letting out a startled scream as their foot slipped out from beneath them, they fell back against the ingredient shelf, potion and ingredients alike spilling onto them.

An explosion of multicolored smoke and magic sparkles burst in their vision, overwhelming their senses as they struggled to shake off the daze from their fall.

Head and back aching, they were at least relieved they were alive as they pushed themself to a sitting position, coughing harshly as they waved away tendrils of magic smoke from their face to see. And, coming across a somewhat familiar sight, they couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

“Okay, okay. I can handle being shrunk at this point,” Syn said, but looked at the mess surrounding them. Letting out a whine, they lamented, “Crewel’s going to kill me for this though… and right after he just told me earlier that he trusted me enough for a solo extra credit potion!”

They couldn’t help but bury their face in their hands for a second, not immune to craving approval. Approval of ‘not being a troublemaker like their Heartlabyul pups’ that was very much going to disappear when the Professor found out about this.

Sighing, they struggled to get to their feet on the potion-slicked floor, yelping when they saw something move in the corner of their vision. They quickly tried to catch a glimpse of it and felt something shift their hair, realizing that there was weight there that hadn’t been there before. Did their goggles not shrink right? They did notice that the plastic was no longer over their eyes.

Syn reached up, recoiling in surprise when they felt something large and round, eyes widening as they exclaimed, “What the-?!”

They forced themself to lift their hands to it again, heart sinking as whatever it was twitched and noticed that large, round ears adorned their head rather than their normal human ones. Which meant that the thing they saw swinging around was their tail, right?

“Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,”  they groaned as they reached back and grabbed a rather lengthy tail that was covered in tufted fur. They let go of the appendage that they could barely control, pressing a hand to their mouth as they struggled to contain their anger at the situation.

This was going to be a bit more difficult to resolve than just being shrunk.

“Oi, herbivore.”

Syn froze at Leona’s voice, something instinctive seizing their limbs. It was so strong and sudden that it had them questioning WHY considering they’d been in several situations like this. What was one more on top of it all?

But, as their heart raced and they felt their new ears twitch in the direction where the lion had spoken from, their eyes widened for a moment before closing them as realization set in. Not only did they give themself rodent ears and a lengthy rodent tail, it also seemed like their ‘prey’ instincts were magnified to an uncomfortable degree.

“Oh, come ON,” they murmured to themself, those same instincts making it difficult to say anything while around a ‘threat’. But Leona wasn’t a threat!... in the typical sense. It’s not like he meant them harm usually.

“Tch, typical Syn behavior,” Leona’s growl rumbled from the laboratory doorway, causing their ears to twitch again.

The sound of footsteps stepping into the room had them moving to the nearest desk leg before they could even realize what they were doing, blinking at suddenly finding themself hidden. Quickly frustrated at what felt like a lack of control, they silently cursed at themself while trying to rein in the startlingly strong instincts that just left every fiber of their being screaming to run and hide from the lion man.

If they wanted to get back to normal, or at least off the floor, they knew they’d have to both get his attention and his help.

“Hmmm,” a contemplative growl caught their attention, the footsteps pausing before getting closer to their desk. They stiffened in fear as the steps became louder, stopping right beside the desk where they were hiding beneath and right beside the mess of ingredients, potion, and discarded cauldron. He’d obviously caught a glimpse of the spill.

Syn felt like their heart was about to burst from their chest, deciding that maybe distancing themself from Leona would allow them the chance to shove their newfound instincts aside enough to get his attention and, hopefully, help.

Quickly and cautiously, they darted to the desk opposite the side where they barely caught a glimpse of Leona kneeling just as they moved. They heard him grumble something beneath his breath, probably something about the mess, but the blood was rushing too much in their ears as they moved to notice. They did notice the sound of shifting fabric as he stood back up and spoke a bit louder as he walked to the door, his boots and swaying tail visible through the legs of the desks.

“You still in here, herbivore?” he asked, the sound of the doors hinges creaking before it clicked shut. His boots turned as he faced the bulk of the room and added, “I didn’t catch a trail of your scent leaving the room, so either you’ve pulled off one hell of a disappearance trick this time, or you’re in here somewhere.”

Why the fuck was their heart picking up the pace?! It wasn’t like he sounded angry, just disgruntled like usual. Fucking, pull it together.

Syn took a deep inhale to try and calm their racing heart, trying to steel their courage past the near blinding fear that permeated their entire being, forcing themself to speak up before they could second guess themself.

“I had a bit of a potion mishap,” they called out, able to see the way his tail stilled for a second, able to picture his ears perking in their direction.

“Yeah, that was obvious. I hope you don’t expect me to just clean this up by myself,” Leona replied, starting to walk back towards where they were hidden, causing them to jolt and skitter back a couple steps as they struggled to maintain some level of composure.

“A-Ah, don’t get closer,” Syn yelped out, wincing at how desperate the exclamation came out. Seeing his boots pause, they quickly added, “I’m struggling a bit right now, and you’ll make it worse.”

“Tch,” he let out a scoff, starting to walk again despite their protest. “I can’t exactly help ya if I can’t see the damage.”

“There’s no damage,” they exclaimed, finding themself darting from the desk they were hidden under as his steps got closer. Under another desk before they could recognize that they’d started running, they panted from the brief sprint. They supposed the only good thing about this was their speed for the time being, but that wasn’t a big bonus when they were inches tall. “I, just… l-look, can you just make a growth potion or something, and I’ll clean everything up?”

Syn expected some kind of retort or snarky remark, maybe even an insult. But, instead, they were met with silence. A VERY unnerving amount of silence that lasted a few seconds and had them peering out to look in the direction where they’d last seen Leona’s boots and tail.

There was nothing there.

“Oooooh, fuuuuck. Where’d he go?” they mumbled to themself, looking around worriedly. They knew he was in the room still since they hadn’t heard the door open, but now they had no clue how they couldn’t notice a six foot tall man and the fact was incredibly worrying. Feeling like they were going to die from suspense after far too many seconds, they nervously called out, “Uh, L-Leona?...”

“There you are.”

Leona’s voice from behind them caused Syn to jolt and whirl around just in time to see a wall of black directly in front of them, yelping as they found themself pinned unceremoniously to the ground by one of his hands. Black leather slid across their body and they found themself picked up by their tail as the man straightened from kneeling beside the desk they were hiding under.

“Leona! Put me down!” Syn shouted, finding themself a bit dizzy from vertigo that was not helped by the fact that the only thing supporting them was a thin tail that was pinched between his two forefingers, arms and legs flailing for a second without their own support.

“Oh, this is priceless,” the lion laughed, making their ears wilt away from the sound. Sharp fangs glinted in the laboratory light and caused a shiver down their spine. “When you mentioned a transmutation potion, I wasn’t expecting this.”

“That’s because this wasn’t supposed to happen,” they snapped, balling up their fists angrily, able to feel the tip of their tail twitching. It was a very weird sensation that didn’t really help with anything. “It was supposed to turn lead into aluminum, not this! Also, how the hell could I not hear you approach?!”

“Well, my squeaking prefect,” Leona said in amusement, deciding to sit on one of the lab stools beside the desk, using his elbow to recline against the desktop. “I’m just better than you. Though, I’m very surprised you’re remotely okay if this was the result of your little mishap by the shelf.”

“I mean, same,” Syn sighed, glancing over in the direction of the spill with a small whine. “Crewel’s gonna kill me for wasting so many ingredients.”

Leona rolled his eyes, replying, “Don’t be so dramatic, herbivore. You’ll be fine. Besides, he’ll probably be impressed that you fucked up in such a way that you somehow produced a high quality animal transmutation potion and didn’t die. Despite all the trouble you get into, you’re one lucky son of a bitch.”

“Ugh, I don’t feel lucky,” they grumbled, rubbing their face with their hands a bit tiredly. Despite their still pounding heart, they were able to hold their panic at bay easier as seconds ticked on. “If you turn me back to normal, I can clean everything up and then we don’t have to worry about it, and-.”

“No can do, herbivore,” Leona practically purred as they jolted at his response.

“Wha- no can do?! What do you mean,” they asked, startled. Frowning in irritation, they added, “Look, if this is about me owing you, you can eat me afterwards.”

“Sounds like a waste of some growth potion,” the lion replied, smirking as their face flushed a bit in further anger. “But, no, that’s not all of it. I can’t exactly turn you normal because I don’t know the extent of your transmutation potion, so here’s how this is gonna go.

“I’m gonna clean up your mess, show you how to make your original transmutation potion, and then you’re spending the night with me as payment for making me go through all of this. In the morning, I’ll grow ya and we can take you to the infirmary to see about reversing your mouse-ness,” Leona used his other hand to gesture at all of them while they huffed.

“I mean, you don’t have to do anything but make me normal size, but I have a feeling there’s something else going on,” Syn sighed, ear twitching. Something crossed Leona’s expression for a moment, but it disappeared before they could gauge what it was.

“There’s nothing else going on,” he denied, voice betraying that there very much was something else going on. But, metaphorically poking Leona while they were normal-sized was already asking for trouble. Poking him at this size was probably akin to a deathwish, and they’d very much like to see the light of day at least a few more times.

“Riiight, sure.” they said slowly in disbelief. They blinked a bit as the grip on their tail shifted so their tail was pinched between his two forefingers and thumb, making their heart drop as they exclaimed, “A-Ah, what’re you doing?”

“I need my hands free to clean up, don’t I,” Leona asked, giving them a cheeky smirk as he lifted them a bit higher, leaning forward a bit to position them closer to his face. “Don’t worry, I won’t eat you. Yet.”

Syn found their heart skip a beat almost painfully as it began to hammer in their chest again, finding that they were struggling to hold their panic at bay again. They couldn’t help but flail uselessly as they exclaimed, “That’s not reassuring, you know! I’m out here with fucking rodent mentality!”

“So you’re a bit more mousey than usual-.”

“I AM NOT MOUSEY!”

“Whatever you say, herbivore,” the man chuckled, opening his jaws. Sharp fangs and teeth the size of their head split apart, allowing him to extend his tongue beneath them as he began to lower them closer. They could see a string of saliva just past his teeth, knowing full well that his throat was just out of sight behind the white bone.

“Leona, don’t you fucking dare!” Syn shouted, protest predictably falling on deaf ears as they were lowered further, their struggling only serving to make them sway by their tail.

Their ears twitched as they felt Leona’s warm breath wash over them, grimacing when they were lowered enough that their hands made contact with the somewhat rough surface of his tongue. It shifted beneath their weight and they yelped as they found themself promptly lowered the rest of the way, tongue quickly curling past their legs and drawing them entirely within his maw.

Well, most of them.

While saliva began to soak their clothes, hair, and now a bit of fur from their new ears, they felt their tail released. He made no effort to have it join the rest of them, tongue bucking beneath them to start savoring whatever flavor they had while the tail flicked about outside in irritation and fear.

“Fucking bastard,” Syn hissed to themself, unable to keep from squirming thanks to their rodent instincts. But, thankfully, the lion didn’t seem to mind it as he tasted them, presumably preoccupied with fixing their mess. They could barely gauge that he was moving past the tongue twisting around them or the chuffing that rumbled from the back of his throat, reverberating through their bones.

After what was probably at least a couple minutes of savoring them, leaving their limbs aching and them tired, they found themself pinned to the roof of his mouth and sucked on a bit as he swallowed the excess saliva.

They felt their tail become taut when his jaws opened once more, shivering as they were pulled back out by their tail. Blinking in the comparatively bright light after a few minutes stuck being tasted like some kind of living candy, they saw Leona licking his lips as he held them in front of him.

“Alright, herbivore,” he said, placing them on the desk where they’d left their labwear. He was donned in his own, small cauldron set up and the spill by the ingredient shelves was gone. Placing his hands on his hips, he asked, “You said that your potion was supposed to be transmutating lead into aluminum, right?”

“Yeah,” Syn shuddered, instinctively flicking their hands to try and rid themself of a bit more saliva as it cooled on their skin, leaving them a bit chilly. They ignored it and gestured to their labcoat, saying, “I have a notebook in here somewhere with the extra credit stuff Crewel told me about.”

Leona clicked his tongue a bit in mild annoyance and brushed their labcoat aside, pulling out a small, black notebook and starting to thumb through it.

“Should be the last page I wrote on,” Syn tried to offer helpfully, earning only a grunt of acknowledgement.

After a few seconds, it looked like he’d reached the right page, green eyes flicking over the page with a bored gaze before he quirked an eyebrow. Flipping the notebook around to show them their own scrawled handwriting, he pointed to their ingredients list with a rubber-gloved finger, telling them, “No wonder you were getting the wrong results. You completely mixed up the measurements of the Wormwood and the Knave Leaf.”

Leona turned the book back towards himself, continuing to look the rest of it over for several seconds before closing it shut with a snap. Placing it back on the desk, he turned away and walked over to the ingredients shelf, stating, “Everything else seemed fine.

“I’m not going to hold your hand through the potion-making process. You seem competent enough that you would have gotten it right if you didn’t get the measurements mixed up,” he continued, pulling down extras of ingredients that they didn’t have enough of after three failed attempts on their own. Walking back, he placed them beside the cauldron and started working, “So, I’m just gonna make it for you so that Crewel doesn’t get on your case as much tomorrow.”

“Oh… thanks?” Syn said hesitantly, giving him a suspicious look. “You’re being… surprisingly helpful.”

Their eyes widened and they couldn’t help the actual SQUEAK that they let out when the lion’s head whipped around to shoot them a glare so intense that they practically expected to burst into flames. They quickly tried to backtrack a bit, of course, adding, “A-Ah, c’mon. You can’t just do a bit of a one-eighty and NOT expect me to sense something is up. I won’t pry anymore, just caught off guard!”

Leona continued to glare at them for a second or two before deciding that they likely weren’t worth the energy to snap at over, going back to the potion with a huff and growled, “You’re lucky I’m in a good enough mood to not bite you over testing your boundaries again, herbivore.”

Syn almost asked if he was ever in a good mood, but held their tongue with the way he emphasized the little nickname he called them.

An almost awkward silence fell, watching him eventually scoop out a phial of the transmutation potion, a proper red hue compared to what they’d made earlier. And, as he placed it on the desk and prepared to clean everything up, they spoke up, “ … I do genuinely appreciate this, you know.”

With his back turned to them, they couldn’t gauge his full reaction. But, they knew he heard them with the way an ear swiveled in their direction and the way his tail paused for a moment. They’d almost think he was touched if he didn’t immediately scoff.

“Tch, don’t mention it. Besides, if my favorite snack gets in trouble, how else am I going to enjoy our special naps,” he looked back at them with a smug grin that showed off his pointed fangs, making them sigh as he cleared everything with ease. “That includes you running off without any warning to anyone.”

“Yeah, that tracks,” Syn huffed, crossing their arms over their chest. They watched their tail flick back and forth a bit in mild irritation.

“You should have known what you were getting into when you reached out to me for help,” Leona replied, suddenly back in his dorm uniform as he walked back to the desk they were sitting on top of.

They nodded a bit, saying, “You’re right, but you proceed to exceed my expectations every time. Besides, the amount of people I trust enough to ask for help that aren’t Ace or Deuce AND wouldn’t eat me as payment is small enough to count on my fingers. I should have asked Riddle or Vil or-...”

Syn’s head tilted slightly as they felt like a piece of some puzzle clicked into place, mentally facepalming as they stopped themself from saying the next name. Because while he was still Hornton to them, weirdly eccentric and stoic friend that stalked the grounds of campus at night, he was Malleus to Leona. Malleus Draconia, Spelldrive competitor and someone who Leona apparently hated with a passion.

And he’d taken them to the library earlier this week to help them with Fae history homework where they’d come across him with Leona after going to find the book required.

“Or, who, herbivore?” Emerald green eyes narrowed down at them, the beginning of a snarl on Leona’s face crinkling the side of his nose and corner of his mouth.

Syn had the distinct feeling that whatever they said next would determine their chances of surviving the night under the lions ‘care’.

“Jamil, of course,” they lied, even though the man had never actually crossed their mind just because of how busy he constantly was. They just hoped they were too small for Leona to properly hear their nervous heartbeat or that he would just mistake it for their current rodent propensity. “I heard he’s pretty proficient in a lot of subjects, but Kalim is usually keeping him busy.”

Leona’s eyes narrowed slightly as he let out a contemplative growl, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the desk and propped his chin in his hand. Completely ignoring their response like he hadn’t just given them a death glare, he asked, “Is it just your labwear and notebook you brought with you?”

“Uhhh,” caught off guard by the sudden change of topic, Syn got to their feet and began to walk along the edge of the desk to look beneath the sides, replying, “My backpack’s around here somewhere. We can chuck the stuff inside.”

“Your phone?”

“Already in my bag,” they said, eventually seeing the black fabric and pointing down to where it was hidden behind one of the desk legs, feeling their ears perk up at the sight. “There it is!”

Leona made a noise of acknowledgement and bent down to see where they pointed, picking up the bag that was only a bit bigger than his head and a lot smaller than a normal backpack. Frowning, he glanced at the bundle of labwear and rubber gloves on the desk, and asked, “All this is gonna fit in here?”

“Yeah! Here, place it on the desk,” Syn perked up, watching the man do so. They walked up to it a bit excitedly and explained, “It was expensive as hell, but check it out! Watch the little pin on the front.”

The lion raised an eyebrow but they watched his gaze fall on the currently colorless pin that shined iridescently in the lab light.

Clearing their throat, they spoke clearly, “Labwear.”

Almost immediately the pin began to shift through a multitude of colors on its faceted surface before settling on a white and black color scheme that was almost reminiscent of a chunk of marble. Before Leona could question the pin's color, Syn spoke up.

“Okay, now open it,” they said, almost bouncing on their feet. Leona shot them a look that suggested he didn’t understand their excitement, but they didn’t care, watching him unzip the top of the bag and look inside.

“It’s just another labcoat.”

“Well, duh, but check out the size,” Syn exclaimed, walking over and peering inside when he turned the opening to face them. “That labcoat should be bursting the bag at the seams! But, Vil said this is a Poppin’s brand bag, made specifically to hold more than meets the eye. And it’s voice activated for specific needs! I have pockets for all of you.”

“What?”

“Here, put my stuff in there and I’ll show you what I mean.”

Leona grumbled something about taking orders from them but still packed their stuff inside, albeit a bit more haphazardly than they’d like, feeling like their notebook was now a bit crinkled. It’d usually just go under their name anyways, but they’d fix it later.

Gesturing for him to rezip the bag, they sat down cross-legged and said, “Leona.”

The pin swirled its plethora of colors before settling on a marigold yellow. When he gave them a questioning look, they gave him an encouraging motion to open it, watching him expectantly.

They felt an almost odd feeling in their chest but ignored it, unable to keep themself from saying, “I got a bunch of snacks for everyone! Yours is a bunch of stuff like beef jerky, and meat sticks. There’s also this stuff called biltong that’s like beef jerky, but it’s more tender apparently.”

Leona’s expression, naturally sour sometimes, was almost unreadable as he reached in and grabbed a bag of aforementioned biltong out of the backpack. A coy smirk made its way onto his face as he commented, “I see you’re taking a leaf out of Ruggie’s book about sucking up to me to get what you want.”

“Wha-? No,” Syn found themself squawking a bit in indignation, placing a hand to their chest. “I literally said I have snacks for everyone!”

“I’m just messing with you, herbivore, no need to get your tail in a twist,” the lion chuckled, placing the bag back in the backpack. “I’ll definitely be trying some of those later. After all, I’m a large lion, and you’re just a little herbivore that wouldn’t provide much sustenance anyways.”

“I’m going to ignore that last comment for my sanity and take the rest as your version of a compliment,” they huffed, crossing their arms over their chest. But, despite their irritation, they couldn’t help but feel pleased with themself that they had picked things that he at least seemed interested in.

That pleased feeling gave way to alarm when they felt a rumble from their trachea that rattled all the way down to their chest.

Syn couldn’t help but jolt at the feeling, instinctively curling in on themself a bit and wrapping their arms around their torso as they let out a bit of a startled noise that had Leona giving them a funny look.

“The hell was that?” he asked, glancing them over.

“I-I don’t know,” they admitted, uncurling cautiously. “It was just… I don’t know, like some sort of vibration throughout my upper torso, it was really weird.”

His brow furrowed a bit in confusion before a look of recognition crossed his face, laughing for a second as he asked, “Are you talking about PURRING?”

“What? No! Rodents can’t purr,” Syn exclaimed, before second-guessing themself, giving him a startled look. “ …Can they?”

“Don’t know. Never had a rodent happy to be in my presence,” Leona said, reaching over and grabbing them off the desk’s surface carefully in his fingers, thankfully not dangling them by their tail this time. Straightening up, he lazily tossed their bag over his shoulder. “When you said you were going to take it as a compliment, I didn’t expect you to think so highly of me that it would cause you to PURR.”

“I swear, rodents don’t purr,” they protested, feeling their face heat up in embarrassment as they shifted in his hold. “I’ve never heard of rodents purring!”

“Then why is your face red, herbivore?”

“Because you’re embarrassing me, asshole,” Syn instinctively tried to hide their face behind their hands but they couldn’t hide their rapidly twitching tail. “I’m fucking flustered!”

He only proceeded to laugh at their misery while they struggled to calm themself enough to not have their face a mottled red, walking towards the lab door as he pocketed the transmutation potion he made for them. Lifting them up to his face, they could feel his breath as he said, “Alright, I’ll give you some protection potion when we get to Savanaclaw, but I’m not carrying you the whole way there.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” they replied with a groan, running their hands across their face as if it would just wipe away their embarrassment. “Just stick me in your mouth so I don’t have to hear you talk.”

“Gladly,” Leona chuffed a bit in amusement at their response, jaws opening in front of them.

Despite their rodent instincts flaring up a little at the sight, they couldn’t bring themself to struggle much as they were popped inside of his mouth, still trying to recover from being flustered and still tired from his tasting earlier. Unlike before, he made sure their tail was carefully tucked inside before his teeth clicked closed behind them.

Probably more because he didn’t want to deal with potential questions on why he had something sticking out of his mouth as he walked rather than any sort of benevolence on his part.

In the half hour or so it probably took him to reach the Hall of Mirrors - and, in turn, Savanaclaw - Leona tossed and turned them in his jaws, tongue easily maneuvering them around to try and get all of their flavor like a living hard candy. A living hard candy that was very much drenched and still stiffened everytime they found themself pressed against his teeth, whether it was intentional or not. Anytime they worried that they would become overwhelmed by pools of saliva, they found themself to his palette as he swallowed any excess.

They also didn’t appreciate the occasional points where he’d open his teeth slightly and give them a light nibble, yelping and cussing him out each time while kicking his tongue. Their only response was a chuckle that mixed in with his pleased chuffs that still rattled their bones.

Syn was pretty sure they heard at least a couple people’s voices outside past the sloshing noise of him tasting them, but if anyone was trying to get his attention they were apparently ignored very easily.

Eventually, they could sense the tasting begin to slow, allowing them a breather that allowed them to hear a familiar muffled voice. They couldn’t discern whatever it was Ruggie asked, but they yelped as they were pressed to the roof of the mouth again as Leona swallowed the saliva buildup before they were pulled out by their tail. Again.

“I was helping herbivore here with some kind of lab work extra credit,” Leona replied while Syn blinked spots from their eyes in time to see Ruggie’s startled expression.

“What kind of extra credit results in this,” the hyena asked, caught off guard at the sight of the prefect dangling in his housewarden’s hand.

“THIS was the result of a lab accident. I’m helping them fix it tomorrow.”

“Hey, Ruggie,” Syn greeted tiredly. As they took in their surroundings, it looked like Leona had walked straight to his room, their bag already tossed haphazardly on the floor.

“Man, you just keep finding yourself in these predicaments, huh,” Ruggie said, initial shock giving way to amusement as he raised his arms up and placed his hands behind his head. Laughing a bit, he added, “I don’t envy your luck! I guess I’ll leave you be for now, Leona, but don’t forget about the Housewarden meeting tomorrow.”

“I won’t. I’m not Draconia,” Leona growled, rolling his eyes.

The hyena left with one last snicker, leaving the two alone as the lion walked over to the desk beside his bed.

Leona placed Syn on a clean spot on the desks surface and began rummaging through the drawers while they still got used to being in the outside world for now. Savanaclaw was warmer than the lab usually, but that still didn’t stop a small shiver.

“You’re quieter than normal,” he commented, closing a drawer as he straightened with a protection potion in hand.

“Yeah, I kind of spent the last half hour feeling like I was going through a spin cycle,” they snapped in response, taking a handful of the stuff after he popped the phial open and offered it to them. “Thanks.”

Leona snorted in amusement, placing the phial back and plucking them back off the desk as they shuddered from the feeling of the protection potion running through them. Licking his lips, he said, “Well, luckily for you, I’m eager to get this over with and go to sleep.”

“Goodie.”

Syn’s sarcastic reply didn’t phase the lion as he opened his mouth and placed them in once more. He really wasn’t lying about getting it over with because they only found themself lapped at a couple times to slicken them before a powerful swallow pulled them down into his throat.

It was all a lot louder than usual, their ears trying to flatten against their head as his chuffing and heartbeat intensified, everything constricting further as they slipped past his collarbone.

There was a jolt around them that would have jostled them if it wasn’t for the confines of his esophagus, realizing he had flopped back on his bed when they slipped into his stomach and found that there was already a weight on one side of the stomach where his hand was resting. They shifted to get a bit more comfortable as he let out a content sigh, mumbling, “Night, herbivore.”

“Night, Leona,” Syn replied, barely getting the response out before the man started snoring around them. Which was also louder than normal. Sighing a bit at the knowledge that they weren’t going to get much sleep tonight, they grumbled, “Yeah, that seems about right.”

………………….

“What do you mean I’m stuck like this until next week?!” Syn exclaimed, appalled as they stared at Professor Crewel.

“I mean just that, my Ramshackle pup,” Crewel continued to call them a pup despite their rodent features. “Since it’s not an emergency, we can’t get a specialist Medical mage with a Transmutation license until the start of next week at the earliest.”

They tried to not let themself seem upset over this, but their newfound ears wilted at the information. At least they were normal sized.

[viper-mulligan]

FFXIV Write 2024 Prompt 01: Steer

Summary: Anshul and Viper experience unexpected excitement at the Moonfire Faire.

Rating: T (for profanity)

Word Count: 1,100

A warm sea breeze ruffled Anshul’s dark hair as he and Viper lounged on the beach. The sounds of steel drums and laughter drifted from the pier, as people celebrated the final days of the Moonfire Faire. In the water, Anshul’s chocobo chicks splashed in the shallow waves, water droplets flying off their feathers.

"What do you think of this one?” Viper asked, holding up a shell. The sun had browned her Ala Mhigan skin into a deep tan, and highlighted her red hair with gold.

“Hm,” he said. The sun on his scales made him feel as lazy as a happy lizard. Also, the shell looked exactly like all the other shells in her pile.

“You're right. Not shiny enough.”

Viper chucked it aside. He suspected she wanted a perfect shell to send to her crush. Her very poorly-hidden crush on a certain lord commander.

Anshul gave a sleepy sigh, closing his eyes. Viper continued to sift through her shells, and his chicks chirped and clucked as they played.

"OW! Motherfucker!”

The Au Ra’s eyes snapped open to see a small snipper had scuttled behind Viper and pinched her rear. The woman swung her arm around, grabbing the snipper by the claw and lifting it from the ground. With a snarl, she flung the creature into the sea. Anshul grimaced at the horror in it's beady black eyes right before it hit the water.

Then he sat up, panic constricting his chest.

“Where's Rime?”

Where three chocobo chicks had been, there were now only two.

Viper’s eyes widened, and she scrambled to her feet.

“He was just here!”

Anshul charged into the water, scooping the remaining chicks into his arms.

“Where is your brother?” he demanded. The chicks chirped.

“Anshul, look!”

Viper pointed to a trail of tiny footprints in the sand, leading down the beach. Anshul made for their wagon, tossing the chicks in back, with Viper quick behind. They careened down the shore, Viper leaning out the wagon to look for Rime.

“What's that?” she called.

Anshul pulled the reins, and the wagon stopped. Up ahead, a M’iqote stood beside two familiar legs poking out of the sand.

“Oh no…”

The M’iqote exclaimed at the sight of them. She held a large cocktail in each hand, and the drinks sloshed as she tried to wave. Beside her, the legs kicked in the air.

“Nashu!” Viper said. “Have you seen a black chocobo chick?”

“A chocobo chick? Hm, a giant snipper just passed with what could have been a chick in it's claws.”

“Fucking crabs,” Viper muttered.

“Which way?” Anshul asked.

Nashu gestured with one of the drinks.

“Anshul,” Viper said. “We don't have our weapons. What are we going to do about the snipper?”

Anshul grunted. He would dismember the wavekin with his bare hands if necessary. Viper rifled through the back of the wagon as they started to move again.

“Wait!” she exclaimed. Anshul pulled to a stop, searching around the sands. Viper hefted a gun.

“That's a water gun.”

“I know.” Viper turned back toward Nashu and the legs, a little distance behind them. “Nashu! What are you drinking?”

“Spicy margarita?”

“Give!”

Perplexed, Nashu brought the drinks to the wagon.

“You can get one from the pier, you don't have to-”

Viper took the cups, and said, “Anshul, go!”

With a flick of the reins, they barrelled down the shore.

“I see it,” he growled. “Be ready.”

“I'm almost done.”

The snipper towered over the others of its kind, scattering akpallu as it lumbered along the shore. Its chitinous legs could easily skewer a man; its claws could demolish a house.

Claws that clutched a chocobo hatchling.

“We need to get in front of it,” Viper said. “And closer!”

Anshul swerved to drive alongside the creature, who continued forward unperturbed. Steering closer, he saw Viper in his peripheral, raising the water gun.

“Left!”

A few yalms in front of the snipper, he steered left. Viper took her shot. A jet of spicy margarita squirted into the wavekin’s shiny eye; with a shriek, it opened its claws and dropped the chick onto the sand. Its legs speared the ground dangerously close to the hatchling, and, in a panic, Anshul leapt from the wagon.

They had the snipper's attention now. A claw swung at Anshul, and Viper shot another margarita jet at its eyes. Anshul ducked forward, scooping the chocobo from the sand. It cried in terror, thrashing against his arms. With another dodge, he chucked it into the wagon.

The blinded snipper swung again, barely missing the wagon. Anshul cast about for a weapon.

“Viper, drive!”

Viper scrambled into the front, fumbling with the reins. Anshul reached for the only thing in sight: a fish-wielding akpallu.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered to it.

Then he swung the bird and the fish against the snipper's leg. Blind and unbalanced, the creature staggered and crashed into the sand. Anshul dashed to the slowly-moving wagon and launched himself into the back, landing in a kerfuffle of feathers.

For a moment, he lay face-first on the planks. Then he looked up at his birds.

Except…

“You're not Rime,” he said, picking up the disgruntled hatchling. He held it at arm’s length as it tried to claw him.

“Anshul,” Viper said, guiding the wagon back into Costa del Sol. “Are you telling me we rescued the wrong bird?”

Anshul looked into the hatchling’s big eyes.

“Anshul,” Viper warned.

The hatching looked back at him.

“Anshul, no!” Viper said.

“I will love you as my own,” he whispered to the bird. “Welcome to your new family.”

“Let's check the pier,” Viper sighed. “Maybe someone has seen Rime.”

When they approached the bar, they found Nashu with another, larger cocktail. Beside her, Hildibrand Manderville stood coated in sand.

“My most esteemed assistants!” he said, clapping Anshul on the shoulder. “I have a lead in finding your missing chocobo!”

“There's a chocobo whisperer at the Faire,” Nashu added.

“A… what?”

“This way!”

They followed Hildibrand and Nashu to a circle of M'iqote sitting nearby. One of them was awfully familiar.

“T’kash?” Viper said.

“Oh, hey, friends!”

The brown-haired bard gave a lazy wave, and the two M'iqote girls beside him giggled. In between them, with a beak full of Faire food, was a black chocobo chick.

T’kash grinned, pointing at the hatchling.

“This bird looks a lot like yours, huh, Anshul?”

Anshul’s eye twitched.

“You're the chocobo whisperer?” Viper asked.

“He tamed this feral hatchling with exceptional skill,” Hildibrand said. “I am certain he can lead us to your lost companion.”

Anshul swept Rime into his arms. The girls whined in displeasure.

“No more snacks,” he said. “He's going to get fat.”

Then he turned and walked back to the wagon.

“Come on, son,” he said, scratching Rime under the beak. “Time to meet your new brother.”

[8iunie]

Måneskin: ‘People are going to talk s**t about you. It’s part of the game’

From X Factor to Eurovision to interstellar fame, the Italian rockers have turned not being cool into a superpower (posted on 21.01.2023)

Down a video link from Rome, Gen Z’s favourite rock band, Måneskin, are making enthusiastic thumbs-up gestures. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” says guitarist Thomas Raggi, in his rich and rococo Italian accent. “We’re gonna vote for Ireland,” agrees frontman Damiano David. “Go for it.”

The Irish Times has just canvassed Måneskin’s opinion about Public Image Limited singer John Lydon’s ambition to represent Ireland at Eurovision 2023. The former Johnny Rotten wants to boldly go where no punk iconoclast has previously ventured by following in the footsteps of Dana, Johnny Logan and Dustin the Turkey.

Johnny Rotten singing for Ireland is, in theory, an absurd proposition. But so is the idea of an Italian rock band in sex-dungeon dungarees conquering Eurovision with lyrics such as “you better hold on to your balls”. Which is exactly what Måneskin achieved in Rotterdam in 2021 with the zinging Zitti e Buoni (“Shut Up and Behave”).

Indeed it is arguable Lydon might not have even considered Eurovision were it not for Måneskin. Squeezed into unforgiving leather trousers, tattoos on proud display, they gatecrashed Rotterdam with red eyes and flared nostrils. In doing so, they refashioned Europe’s pre-eminent cheesefest in their own image. Eurovision has been a lot of things in the past 20 years. It took Måneskin to make it cool.

Since then they haven’t looked back. Måneskin have won Best Rock Act at the MTV Europe Music Awards, supported The Rolling Stones in Las Vegas and covered Elvis’s I Can Dream for Baz Luhrmann’s hit Presley biopic.

Now, they are about to open the most exciting chapter of their career to date with the release on January 19th of their fantastic third album, Rush! It captures the group at their most riotous – so much so that it comes as a shock to learn it was produced by Taylor Swift/Britney Spears collaborator Max Martin. At moments they sound like Queen trapped in a Fellini movie. Elsewhere, they’re straight-ahead punk. At one point they appear to be channelling Rage Against The Machine – hardly a surprise since RATM guitarist Tom Morello guests on new single Gossip.

“We’re trying to play with our own rules. And not the rules that in the past five to 10 years have dominated the music industry,” says David (24), earrings glinting in the harsh studio light.

Måneskin don’t claim to be reinventing the wheel. Still, they are well aware of how much they stand out in a musical landscape dominated by pop.

“We go on TV shows and play rock music. Which is uncommon. We do analogue music, which is uncommon. We are a four-piece band,” says David, radiating lounge-lizard charisma. “There are a lot of things in how we create or project and how we show ourselves… I wouldn’t say it’s unique. It isn’t anything that hasn’t been done before. But it’s unique in today’s environment.”

Måneskin have come along at the perfect moment. Mainstream rock, comatose for a least a decade, is crying out for a recharge. Now the status quo has been upended by a group who make headbanging riffs and cock-a-hoop bass solos seem as fresh and daring as Harry Styles in a dress.

“A lot of people love us because we are showing them something that feels new,” says David. “For a lot of kids, rock music is new.”

It isn’t just the kids. Iggy Pop cameos on Måneskin’s 2021 single, I Wanna Be Your Slave. At Coachella last year, Jared Leto sought them out for a selfie. Chris Martin insisted David have lunch with him on that same trip. People don’t simply like Måneskin – they adore them.

“We get messages where people say, ‘my five-year-old is now obsessed with Rage Against The Machine because he listened to your song,’” says David. “Basically if you want to make it simple: we sound new for many different reasons – even though we are not new.”

Not all new fans are as welcome. After the Eurovision, French president Emmanuel Macron suggested Måneskin be disqualified because of the “fake cocaine” controversy [see below]. One of those rallying to their defence was right-wing politician Giorgia Meloni. She was subsequently appointed prime minister of Italy. The musicians weren’t aware of her intervention on their behalf before The Irish Times brings it up, and would rather Meloni keep her opinions to herself.

“I don’t want support from them,” says Raggi.

Måneskin’s music isn’t explicitly political. But they know where they stand. And it isn’t with Meloni’s populist Brothers of Italy party. Following her election, David took to Instagram to lament Italy’s drift to the right. “Today is a sad day for my country,” he wrote, linking to a story in newspaper La Repubblica.

“I would do it again. One hundred per cent,” he says, shrugging. “I don’t even know what to say. It’s hard not to say something offending [about Meloni and her supporters]. It’s clear that we’re making the same mistakes that we made in the past. Maybe we didn’t study the story well enough. Our generation is not going to make the same mistakes, hopefully. Italy has a very good taste for old-fashioned things. It doesn’t surprise me,” he continues, referring to Italy’s history of supporting right-wing politicians.

The band formed in Rome in 2016. David, Raggi and bassist Victoria De Angelis [who is under the weather and sitting out the interview] knew each other from high school. They met Ethan Torchio, from the suburb of Frosinone, after advertising for a drummer on Facebook.

De Angelis came up with their name. “Måneskin” is Danish for moonlight. The bassist suggested it, in part as tribute to her Danish mother who died when her daughter was 15. From there they had a rapid ascent. A stint busking in central Rome was followed by a tilt at X Factor Italy, where they blitzed their way to the final with molten versions of Somebody Told Me by The Killers and Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand. Then came Eurovision and the global stage.

Måneskin are great fun. But the energy rippling through their music is interwoven with a fascination with the dark side of human nature. Gossip, for instance, interrogates the American dream and finds it wanting. “Welcome to the city of lies/ Where everything’s got a price,” they sing. They also take on Christianity. The Eurovision winner Zitti e Buoni contains the marvellously baroque lyric, “I wrote above a tombstone: ‘In my house there is no God.’”

“None of us is very Catholic. We don’t have that much influence. We have the opposite influence,” says David. “We feel the weight of the church on society, on our country. We see how late we are on many, many things because of the influence of the church. We have this hateful relationship.”

He pauses, at pains not to be misinterpreted. “I would like to make it clear that [Måneskin’s problems] are with the institution of the church. Nothing against religion. It’s a beautiful thing. The institution of the church and the money-laundering and all that… I’ll shut up.”

Eurovision was a baptism for Måneskin. However, their coming-out party threatened to turn sour amid an ersatz scandal over David supposedly taking cocaine. A photograph of the singer leaning over the table in the green room was seized on as evidence of illicit drug use.

The image was beamed around the world. There were calls – from Macron and others – for the group to be stripped of their title. Which is what prompted Meloni’s unwelcome intervention. David passed a drugs test and was cleared of any inappropriate behaviour. By then, though, Måneskin were all over the front pages and the talk of the internet. Did they fear they had blown it?

“We were laughing,” says David. “But we were pissed off. We were not worried about anything. The thing that disturbed me was that we had done something meaningful and great. We were a four-piece rock band from 20 to 22 years old who were breaking the hugest TV show in Europe. This was being overshadowed by some assholes who were not good at accepting the loss. I was pissed off that they had the power to do it. And that people were letting them do it.”

They made peace with the controversy by accepting that it was merely a downside of success. Once you achieve a certain level of celebrity, people will come after you.

“We know that being famous and winning and having a good career leads to criticism,” says David. “People are going to wait for you to make some mistake and talk s**t about you. It’s part of the game. You have to be stronger than it. If you are able to make irony about it and laugh about it… It’s kind of a superpower.”

There have been other controversies. Their performance of Supermodel from the 2022 MTV VMA Awards was heavily edited to conceal De Angelis’s exposed breast (though the cameras still caught David’s bare-bummed chap trousers).

“They have weird censorship rules,” says David of MTV and American broadcasting in general. “You can show guns and people dancing on huge dicks on stage. You cannot show a female nipple. I think it was worse for them than for us. We did our performance. They showed how it doesn’t make sense – their politics.”

Rush! copperfastens Måneskin’s status as the most exciting force in mainstream rock. It confirms, too, that they are magpies, with David drawing on everyone from Freddie Mercury to Kurt Cobain. And from Bono. U2 are adored in Italy and David says that their influence has seeped into his band.

“U2 have been so big it’s impossible not to be influenced. Indirectly, you’re influenced. The idea of the big frontman and blah blah blah. I think that indirectly it has been very strong. Also, putting the political into the music… they really changed that. Made it more common.”

The comparison goes beyond music. U2 were never much bothered about being cool. They never went out of fashion because they weren’t particularly fashionable to begin with. The same is true of Måneskin. From X Factor to Eurovision to interstellar fame, they have turned not being cool into a superpower, as David acknowledges.

“It’s a bit insecure to have this mindset [of wanting to be credible]. The idea that if you go to a pop environment, you’re not rock any more. It’s insecurity. Fortunately we were confident enough of our music and our identity to not think a stage or a TV show could change us. In fact, it didn’t happen. We brought ourselves everywhere we went. It was always the right thing to do. It is the only advice we could give to anybody. Bring yourself to the table. Don’t try to conform.”

Writer: Ed Power for The Irish Times

[jonnowrites]

Sylvia Cooper - Chapter 3: Winding Down

Set years after the events of Honour Among Thieves, the next generation of the Cooper Gang works to uncover a worldwide conspiracy... and make some cash along the way.

The van pulled into the garage beneath a seemingly abandoned house on the west side of Paris. The headlights turned off just as a police cruiser drove past, causing Sylvia’s heart to skip a beat. The shutter closed over the entrance, hiding the gang away from prying eyes.

“I’d say that was a job well done, ladies,” she said as she got out. “Got a bit hairy at the end, but hey ho.”

“That was far too close, as usual,” Lily sighed as she exited the back. “I’m going upstairs to de-stress.”

“You do that,” said Sylvia. “Brooke and I’ll give the van a once-over.”

She started walking around the vehicle, looking at it closely. It was a sizeable van painted a dark mahogany, with the gang’s bronze winking raccoon symbol emblazoned on both sides. Blue hotrod flames burned from the engine grill along the bottom of each side of the body. Uncle Murray insisted on them, having said they’d make the van too hot to catch. He hadn’t been wrong so far.

She hopped onto the roof and checked the spoiler before adjusting the foglights at the front. She saw Brooke was leaning into the engine compartment. 

“How’re we looking?” she asked.

“A few dents,” Brooke answered, shutting the hood. “No real damage. Can buff it out easy.”

“Lovely,” said the raccoon before she hopped onto the floor. “I’ll go see how Lily’s doing.”

With that, she left the garage and walked upstairs to the hideout proper. It was an old, dimly lit place with the fleur-de-lis wallpaper peeling off the walls and the furniture being old and worn. The place seemed to be muggy no matter how much dusting went on. She was quite sure her bed was older than she was. Across the couch was a wall-mounted TV, which was easily one of the newest things this old place had seen in a long time. By the far wall was a large computer setup with multiple monitors, which Lily was sitting and typing away at. Uncle Bentley had gone to the trouble of giving the gang a state-of-the-art system, and Lily figured the least she could do was put it to good use. On an empty space on the floor was a large gym mat covered in weights and dumbbells, with a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. Uncle Murray had given Brooke his old workout gear, and she was certainly keeping herself busy with them. The many patches on the bag were proof of that.

If the rooftops were Sylvia’s home, the safehouse was her home away from home. After all, her dad’s gang used this very place in their hay day.

“How’s the hacking going?” she asked, lowering her hood.

“Whoever de Griffe’s contacts are, they’re smart,” said Lily, not taking her eyes off the monitors. “These names and accounts are all varied, but the amounts of cash being sent out and time gaps between them are all consistent.”

“Can you get anything from that?”

“Not on its own, but there’s bound to be a slip-up in here somewhere. All I need to find is one little crack.”

“Right, well, good luck with your crack.”

Lily glowered, imagining the grin on her friend’s face. “Not funny.”

Sylvia snickered and flopped onto the couch, sending a small cloud of dust into the air which prompted her to prop open the window behind it. Through it, she could see a large building with a pretty gaudy peacock façade dominating the front. Her dad told her it was once a nightclub that belonged to Dimitri Lousteau, a literal lounge lizard and a friend of the family. Back then, he was an art forger who used the nightclub as a front for his money counterfeiting operation, and Sylvia’s parents indirectly worked together to have him arrested and the nightclub shut down. A year or so after, Dimitri not only made up with her dad, but even joined his gang as their frogman for the Cooper Vault Job. After her dad retired, Dimitri took to treasure hunting in undersea wrecks for a living, and even used his funds to have his old nightclub converted into a superstore for his Greasy Sweet clothing line. By the sheer foot traffic Sylvia saw in and out of the place during the day, it seemed Dimitri knew a bit more about fashion than her dad might think.

She nestled down across the couch and fished her smartphone from her pouch. She had her mask’s Binocucom for communication and taking photos, but she needed something she could check social media and play games on during long stakeouts. She started by doing the former, and she smirked when she saw the local news was already abuzz about the police chase through town.

“Looks like we’re making headlines again,” she said as Brooke clumped up from the garage.

“Van’s ready to go,” the polar bear said curtly.

“Nice one, big girl,” said the raccoon. She scrolled through her social media timeline, until a post made her eyes bug out.

Looks like the #CooperGang robbed a bank. They sure know how to make a statement 🤔

Beneath the text was a photo of the front of Chat D’or Bank , with the neon sign having been changed to the gang’s winking raccoon face.

“Oh, no way!” she laughed, hopping back up and showing Brooke her phone. “Look at that!”

Brooke peered over, and the smallest smirk crossed her face. “Cool.”

The raccoon rushed over to Lily and pushed her phone into her face. “Was that you?!”

Lily peered over and grinned. “Thought it would send de Griffe a little message. Give him an idea of who he tried messing with.”

Sylvia’s tail wiggled giddily. “Oh, I can’t wait for him to see this!”

“You’ll have to, at least until I can find something in these bank statements,” said the rabbit. “This might take me a while.”

“Sounds like you need some brain food,” said Sylvia. “How’s pizza sound?”

Lily raised her eyebrow. “Pizza is brain food?”

“Helps you think, doesn’t it? Besides, I think we should celebrate a job well done.”

“I want tuna on mine,” said Brooke as she flopped down on the couch.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ll have a three cheese then. I put a back door into one of de Griffe’s bank accounts, so it’ll be his treat.”

“Alright!” Sylvia cheered. “Pizza party!”

---

A few hours passed, and the gang was digging into some well-earned pizza with the TV on. A late night news block was reporting on the bank heist, to Sylvia’s delight.

“While the Cooper Gang is an elusive, decades-old criminal group despite garishly advertising their presence,” the reporter said, “many experts have pointed out that their most high profile targets have been public figures revealed to have connections to, or have even been the cause of local criminal activity. Time will tell how this will affect the bank’s owner, entrepreneur and socialite Julien de Griffe, and his rumoured interest in the world of politics.”

“I forgot about that,” said Lily, one of her ears perked up as she kept her eyes on her monitors. “Apparently he wants to become Prime Minister.”

“The leader of a country having a shady background?” Sylvia gasped, sarcasm dripping from her mouth along with melted cheese. “Heaven forbid!”

“A crime lord becoming Prime Minister of France will mean trouble for all of us,” said Brooke.

“Well, once his dirty laundry gets out, we won’t have to worry about that.”

“We have to make sure it is dirty laundry first,” Lily pointed out. “The connections to the black market will be easy for him to cover.”

Sylvia peered over at the rabbit. “Any chance for an update, by the way?”

Lily flexed her fingers and rolled her wrists. “I’ve been at this for hours, and still nothing. Whoever’s masking de Griffe’s tracks, they’re good .”

“They’ve got nothing on you, Lil,” the raccoon assured her. “You’ll find something.”

Sylvia certainly hoped it would lead to a huge conspiracy for her to unravel. Then she’d feel like she’ll be worthy.

---

Julien de Griffe stared at the photo of his bank on his phone screen, and the winking raccoon face dominating the front. It was mocking him, and using his place of public business to do it. It took all his willpower to avoid crushing the phone in his grip.

He sat back in the leather seat and lifted a wine bottle from the ice bucket to pour a glass. His private jet was racing through the sky back to Paris, and he was bracing himself for the headache that was the paparazzi.

But first, he had a call to make.

He tapped on his phone to initiate a group call, and had it broadcast to the jet’s sound system. The room was completely soundproofed, so he had no need to worry about spies in the cockpit.

“Associates,” he began, “no doubt you have seen the news.”

“I know I did,” one voice said. “The Cooper Gang’s onto you, boss.”

“The symbol isn’t just a taunt,” said another voice, “it’s a warning . They’re making their move.”

“Yes, and sooner than I expected,” said de Griffe. “They will start targeting all of you to weaken me.”

“Relax, boss,” the first voice said. “They might’ve got our transaction details, but it’ll take them years to figure out my hidden encryptions. They’re not gonna touch us.”

“Still, we oughta be prepared,” a third voice advised. “If them Coopers’re as wily as they say, they’ll find their way to us before we know it.”

“My thoughts exactly,” agreed a fourth voice. “I will reinforce my defences. I suggest you all do the same.”

“I suggest you all take this quite seriously,” said de Griffe, his upper lip curling. “Remember, once my goal has been realised, I will have the power to fulfil my agreements to you all. But if I go down, I can just as easily take all of you with me.”

“No need for the threats, boss,” the first voice said. “You know we got your back.”

“Just reminding you of where you all stand,” said de Griffe before taking a sip of wine. “I will be back in Paris momentarily, and I will have a lot of cleaning up to do. I suggest the four of you make this as easy on us all as possible.”

“Gotcha, boss.”

“Worry not, Mr. de Griffe.”

“Ten-four.”

“Affirmative.”

The call ended, and de Griffe took another, larger swig from his glass.

Your parents could not stop me, Cooper, and I will make sure you are just as successful.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

more pages of various doodles, inspired by FIS3, Fury's Rage, and Lilbit

page 1: -Lol and Monty in their FIS3 outfits, as interpreted by me as pregnant fox and lounge lizard -Lilbit's first basic design ideas -a Fury's Rage design for Lolbit; she defected from the Punk Mangle gang i guess, and is tech/hacker based with electric shocks and braid whipping -Golddy shielding Bonnet, who is too embarrassed t wear the FIS3 Glamrock Bonnet costume (i thought this was funny, and also protective dad)

page 2: -Monty with Lilbit doing the smoothie meme (why did i spell it with a Y???) -Lilbit nomming her tail larger cause it's too cute to not be a standalone doodle -sequel to the last page's doodle: Golddy refusing to let Bon-Bon wear the FIS3 Glamrock Bonnie costume (again, thought it was funny even though that was a Bonnie and not Bon) -Fury's Rage Monty and Lol flirting against a wall i guess. big buff lizard towers over techno fox more than usual here

[videostak]

somehow found a 1996 liver than youll ever be cd at the record store for 8$ LOL .... tho i dont think it has the full under my thumb recording i guess they didnt have it back then buuut rly cool lol. its a lil vinyl sleeve type CD anyways i asked and theyre not hiring tho said i could drop off my resume if i wanted to it was kinda easy but also kinda scary getting there T-T would say it was enjoyable tho ! also got check your head by beastie boys (YAY FINALLY!), proverb/nagoya marimba/city life by steeve reich (been collecting dust there ever since i first went there so i thought id just get it cause i did watch this whole french tv documentary on city life months ago and also like nagoya marimba and YOU KNO ALL OF HIS MUSIC), then also got lounge lizards debut album w/ arto lindsay and john lurie being dope as as hell also got for similar reason in that i had been watching fishing w/ john a month or so ago (got up to dennis hopper 2 parter finale episode but havent watched it cause he legit scares me)

[fashionveroshop]

Wolf in Love Nope the Jesus Lizard Shirt

Embrace a unique blend of edgy and whimsical with the Wolf in Love Nope the Jesus Lizard Shirt by Fashionveroshop. This standout tee combines an intriguing graphic with a touch of humor, making it a conversation starter and a must-have for your collection.

Made from high-quality, soft cotton, the Wolf in Love Nope the Jesus Lizard Shirt ensures maximum comfort and durability. The breathable fabric and relaxed fit make it ideal for everyday wear, whether you're heading out with friends, attending a casual event, or just lounging at home. The premium material maintains its shape and vibrant print through multiple washes.

The shirt features a one-of-a-kind design, blending the wild imagery of a wolf with quirky text and a nod to the Jesus Lizard, creating a visually striking and playful graphic. This unique combination makes it a versatile piece that pairs effortlessly with jeans, shorts, or joggers.

Stand out from the crowd with the Wolf in Love Nope the Jesus Lizard Shirt. Order from Fashionveroshop today and add a touch of individuality and humor to your wardrobe!

More Design at Fashionveroshop

[traveli]

Lazy Sunday afternoon ———— Hey Ho Folks :D After finishing the epic paladin and other mythical lizards, I decided to pick up one of my #ocs. And who couldn’t be better than Oskar and Alpha. I really missed doing these two, especially both together as a couple. I like the pose of them and I think it looks good. I really try hard do going out of my comfort zone and I must say this year, I try new stuff out. Anyway… Now about the artwork: Both young adults enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon, especially after Oskar was working at the pub last night. So after they had breakfast, they decided to cuddle and enjoy time together. Alpha is also that one girl, although she has some lounge clothes / pjamas of her own at her boyfriend’s , she prefers to wear Oskars T-shirt and boxers. He in the other hand doesn’t mind. Anyway, I hope you have all a beautiful day and I hope you liked my artwork.

[vapehk1]

Breathe Easy: A Light-hearted Guide to Low Nicotine Vape

Have you ever wondered if you could still enjoy vaping without turning into a walking chimney? Enter the world of low nicotine vape, the less-addictive cousin in the vaping family tree. Whether you're trying to cut down on nicotine or just want to blow some stress-free clouds, stick with us as we explore the lighter side of vaping—both in nicotine content and mood! What is a Low Nicotine Vape? Opting for a low nicotine vape doesn't just dial down the nicotine; it also reduces the chances of your vape becoming an extension of your hand. Think of it like switching from espresso to decaf coffee—still enjoyable, but without the jittery side effects that make you twitch faster than a cat in a yarn store. It's a way to keep the hand-to-mouth action going while keeping the nicotine monster at bay, which is especially handy when you’re trying to convince your body it doesn’t need to act like a nicotine-powered robot. Moreover, low nicotine vapes can be a social smoker's new best friend. They allow you to blend into any social setting, puffing away without turning every room you enter into a no-fly zone due to excessive vapor. It's like being the person at the party who enjoys a beer or two rather than tipping the keg. You remain part of the action and conversation without overwhelming everyone else with your clouds. Plus, you won’t have to spend every gathering explaining why you vape like it’s your last day on earth, which is always a plus in the book of social graces. Benefits of Low Nicotine Vapes Continuing from where we left off, the control over nicotine intake that low nicotine vapes offer also translates into a more gradual and gentle withdrawal for those looking to cut back or quit. It's akin to easing into a cold swimming pool one toe at a time, rather than cannonballing straight into the deep end. This method can be particularly comforting for those who find the idea of abruptly stopping a tad daunting. By adjusting the nicotine levels down at your own pace, you get to dictate the terms of your separation from nicotine, turning what could be a nerve-wracking breakup into a more amicable parting of ways. Furthermore, the subtler vapor production of low nicotine vapes means you won’t be casting a cloud of vapor so thick that it could serve as the backdrop for a Shakespearean play. This is a big win for the socially savvy vaper. You can still partake in your vaping ritual without obscuring your friends' faces across the table or unintentionally setting off smoke alarms, which tend to kill the vibe at any gathering. In this way, low nicotine vapes allow you to integrate vaping into your social life without it becoming the center of attention—or the reason your friends might need to navigate through a foggy living room. Choosing the Right Low Nicotine Vape for You Expanding on choosing the right low nicotine vape, let's delve deeper into the fun part—flavor and gadget exploration. Each device offers a unique experience, and with the myriad of options out there, it's like being in a candy store for adults. From the minimalist to the extravagant, vape pens can range from simple, discreet sticks that slip into your pocket to high-tech gizmos with touchscreens and customizable settings that could confuse even the tech-savvy. Think about what matches your lifestyle: Do you need something rugged for on-the-go, or are you more of a lounge lizard who prefers luxury and leisure? And then there's the world of flavors, which is a vast expanse of exploration all on its own. Low nicotine vapes come in an assortment of flavors from the traditional tobacco and menthol to the more exotic like dragonfruit, lychee, and even crème brûlée. Sampling these flavors isn’t just about indulgence; it's about finding what pleases your palate without overwhelming your senses. It’s important to try a range and see which flavors hit the right notes for you. Does the smooth vanilla call to you, or does the zesty orange spark your taste buds? The great part is, with low nicotine content, you can indulge more freely, turning each puff into a moment of pleasure without the guilt. Think of it as enjoying your favorite dessert but with almost none of the calories! Tips for Enjoying Your Low Nicotine Vape So you've chosen your ideal low nicotine vape—what now? First, take it slow. Treat your low nicotine vape like you would a fine wine; savor it, don't rush it. It's all about enjoying the flavor and the experience without feeling like you have to vape through a whole cartridge in one go. Also, consider mixing up the flavors. One of the joys of vaping is the vast array of flavors available. From classic tobacco and refreshing mint to wild blueberry and decadent chocolate, switching up flavors can keep your vaping experience fresh and exciting. Plus, it’s a lot of fun to see which flavors blend well together—think of it as being a bartender, but for vape juice! Conclusion Diving into the world of low nicotine vapes offers a lighthearted twist to vaping, marrying the pleasure of smoking with significantly reduced health risks. These devices allow users to enjoy the tactile feel of vaping without the intense nicotine hit, making them ideal for those looking to decrease their nicotine intake or maintain a casual vaping lifestyle. With a variety of devices and flavors to choose from, low nicotine vapes cater to all preferences, whether you prioritize taste, throat hit, or technological sophistication. Furthermore, by choosing low nicotine options, users can better manage their nicotine cravings, reduce their chances of addiction, and integrate vaping into social settings without overwhelming their surroundings with excessive vapor. This gentle approach to vaping not only eases the transition for those looking to reduce or quit nicotine but also enhances the social and enjoyable aspects of vaping. FAQs 1. What exactly is a low nicotine vape? A low nicotine vape is a type of electronic cigarette that delivers vaporized nicotine at lower levels compared to traditional or high-nicotine e-cigarettes. These devices are designed to provide a smoother experience with less nicotine, making them ideal for vapers looking to reduce their nicotine intake or for those who prefer a lighter hit. 2. Why should someone consider using a low nicotine vape? Choosing a low nicotine vape can be beneficial for several reasons. It can help manage nicotine addiction by providing a gradual step-down from higher nicotine levels, making it easier to eventually quit if desired. Additionally, low nicotine vapes are less overwhelming in terms of vapor production and nicotine impact, making them more suitable for social settings and indoor use without creating excessive clouds. 3. How do I choose the right low nicotine vape for me? To select the right low nicotine vape, start by assessing your personal preferences and vaping habits. Consider whether you value flavor, throat hit, or the technology of the device itself. Then, explore the range of devices available, from simple pens to advanced box mods, and choose a nicotine strength that aligns with your current intake, generally ranging from 0 to 12 mg/ml. 4. Can low nicotine vapes really help me quit smoking? Yes, low nicotine vapes can be an effective tool for quitting smoking. They allow smokers to gradually reduce their nicotine consumption in a controlled manner, mimicking the act of smoking but with lower levels of nicotine, which can ease the withdrawal process and help manage cravings more effectively. 5. Are there different flavors available in low nicotine vapes? Absolutely! One of the appealing aspects of low nicotine vapes is the vast selection of flavors available. You can choose from traditional flavors like tobacco and menthol to more exotic and dessert-like flavors such as vanilla, berry, citrus, and even gourmet options like crème brûlée. This variety makes it enjoyable to experiment and find flavors that satisfy your taste without relying heavily on nicotine. If you want to know more, please refer to this article: https://keystonevape.com/best-vape/the-best-disposable-vapes-2024-you-cant-miss/ Read the full article

[twoq24]

I'm walking toward a large white building on a university campus when I see a guy in a tan suit riding a brown horse. He's riding really fast and I'm rather impressed by it. He pulls the horse to a stop at the bottom of the stairs at the entrance of the building and gets off and runs up the stairs. I decided to go check out the horse but it's not a horse, it's like some goofy inflatable lizard looking thing and its laying flat on the ground. It doesn't have hooves, it has feet with little claws on them. Its eyes are goofy looking like a joke. Makes me laugh. I go up the stairs and into the building. I'm walking down hallways and finally end up in a lounge area. I've got a backpack with some clothes in it, mostly t-shirts. No one is around and I find a place and sit myself down. Nothing is going on. I don't see anyone. Then I decided to take a walk around. I'm thinking I need to go see my old professor Reece. I'm wondering if I should sign up for some classes but I don't really need to do that at all. Finally I make a loop around back to the lobby. More people are sitting around in chairs. I pass a woman by the door to the hallway that leads back to where I started. On the way I see a ramp rising off the floor that goes up to a small square window or door. The wall and the ramp are painted white. The window/door is unfinished and I ask myself should I go up and look through it? I don't and keep moving. Now for some reason I'm stripped down to my boxer shorts I'm wearing and now there's some people there and someone famous has brought a portfolio of large prints. After some moments go by I walk by this famous person over to the table and read one of the posters. It's all a list of suggestions and services that this person provides about how to improve your life. I read through them (all I can remember is they seem sort of ridiculous). As I'm reading through them I glance over at a well dressed woman. I think she is a faculty member and we communicate without speaking. Like some sort of telepathy. Basically we're saying that this famous person should pack it up. I wanted to talk to this famous person but they're gone now. There's a weird stuffed blue and red toy animal nearby. Looks sort of like a dog. Then what happens next is quite remarkable. I'm sitting in my underwear next to a very nice looking woman. She's wearing a red plaid flannel shirt and jeans. Short straight black hair and perfect white teeth. She has a great smile. I think she is a single mom. She has a copper wire. The kind used for electricity and it's coated in white plastic with the copper exposed at the end and exposed about six inches down. She's bending it back and forth. Then somehow I have a copper wire too but smaller gauge, thinner. We both proceed to bend our wires back and forth. If you do this long enough the wire will break. Anyway the whole vibe is just great and I feel we're kind of making a bond together over bending those wires. Maybe it's an art project I'm thinking of. Anyway she's a very pleasant person. Never seen her before in my life. She seems full of good things. I go back to my pack and gather up my t-shirts and clothes. Now she's moved over and is sitting in a chair and I take my stuff over and sit in a chair across from her. The chairs are close together. I start putting on my pants. My pants are jeans too. Just like hers. They're kind of new and hardly faded at all and I show her how our jeans match. I start singing some old Fred Astaire song,

"… I'm puttin' on my top hat, Tyin' up my white tie, Brushin' off my tails. I'm dudin' up my shirt front, Puttin' in the shirt studs, Polishin' my nails, I'm steppin' out, my dear, To breathe an atmosphere

She's singing along with me. She's smiling. We're having a great time.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

292 of 2023

Do we like the same things? (categorized)

Created by brelee

Animals Turtles Cats Cows Goats Frogs Dogs Lizards Snakes Squirrels Raccoons Pretty much all animals

Drinks Iced tea Cold brew Iced/hot coffee Iced/hot lattes Cranberry juice Apple juice Sprite Oat milk Soy milk Water

Sweets Buttermilk pie (custard) French silk pie (chocolate) Apple pie Donuts Apple fritters Strawberry cake Chocolate cake Cinnamon rolls Brownies Sugar cookies Vanilla ice cream Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

Foods Potatoes Broccoli Pinto beans Black beans Tofu Cereal Bagels Spinach Pizza Pasta Collard greens Veggie burgers Rice Quesadillas Burritos Spring rolls

Fruit Mango Watermelon Strawberry Blackberry Raspberry Pineapple Apple Plum Peach Cantaloupe Grapes

Vegetables Broccoli Spinach Cauliflower Carrots Onions Peppers Mushrooms Cabbage Corn Squash Zucchini Kale Turnip greens

Things to do/celebrate Shopping for gifts Halloween Hay rides Corn mazes Mini golf Listening to music Christmas Decorating Gardening Scrolling through social media Walking Dancing Lounging and watching comfort shows or movies Sitting under a blanket with a good book Napping Watching it rain/snow Playing with cats/dogs Feeding ducks and birds Sitting by a lake Browsing through a library Thrift shopping Road trips

Clothing/shoes Leggings Jeggings Flannels Long sleeve tops Band t-shirts Mostly black clothes Sneakers Boots Going barefoot Beanies Shorts Skinny jeans Hoodies Heavy coats

Random Candles Fluffy blankets Flowers Mugs Cell phone Facebook Tiktok Bzoink Different colored hair (dyed like blue,pink, purple..) Halloween decorations Christmas lights Trees Earbuds/headphones Nighttime Sleeping Organizing Childhood toys Books Stuffed animals Low lighting Staying home

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[twistedwonderlandsimps]

Cryptid!Yuu and the Simply Average, Very Ordinary, Very Okay Day

[Step 1: Say ‘Good Morning’ to Grim.]

Today was like any other day. As the sun slowly rose upon the horizon and brought warm light inside people’s homes, a certain creature slowly woke up from sleep. 

Said creature was Grim who grumbled something ineligible as his ears twitched lightly from the birdsongs he could here outside. 

He groggily sat up and opened his eyes to look around the room yet found no one. 

Hmm. Yuu was probably already downstairs. Grim shrugged and fell back to bed, intent on getting a few more minutes of sleep. 

Well… at least he was planning to.

 Until he met face to face with the Ramshackle Prefect who was plastered on the wall above the bed’s headboard like a lizard. 

Yuu blinked slowly at Grim as if to say hello before scurrying away.

After a few moments, Grim’s tense form relaxed as he put a paw on his chest, calming his rapidly beating heart.

“Fnna…I can’t ever get used to that…”

[Step 2: Visit fish friends]

It was still early in the morning so Mostro Lounge was being prepared for the day. 

The workers were still getting the place all cleaned up and Azul was looking at the paperwork in his hands as he made his way towards his office. 

However, just as he was about to enter the room, he paused and backtracked a bit because when he saw a familiar prefect standing in front of the aquariums and looking intently at the fishes swimming by. 

He wasn’t really surprised that Yuu somehow managed to find themselves inside Mostro Lounge so early like this despite the security. 

He initially tried multiple times to keep Yuu out but they always managed to find ways to get inside so Azul just let Yuu be in the end. The most they did was look at the fish anyway… or the employees…

Though, he should probably make sure that the Ramshackle prefect wasn’t going to try and swim with the fishes again like last time.

The octomer approached Yuu and tried to get their attention. 

“Good morning, Yuu. How did you get in here-“

“Fibsh!” Yuu suddenly exclaimed while whipping their head around to look at Azul as they pointed at the fishes. 

Azul paused, the smile on their face straining and marred with confusion. 

But before Azul could process what just happened, Yuu had already slipped away into the dark corner of Mostro Lounge and seemed to have disappeared as if Yuu had entered a portal. 

Huh… when did the restaurant’s corner become that dark? Also…

“Did they just speak?” Azul asked nobody in particular. 

Yuu spoke but rarely did so that Azul could have probably sold a recording of Yuu speaking for a high price with all the simps Yuu managed to acquire despite them being, well, them.

[Step 3: Visit sleepy friend & sleepy friend’s friends]

“Uh, Leona?”

“What?”

“Did you do anything to Yuu to make them mad?”

“Hah? What makes you say that?”

“They’re… They’re just staring at the corner. I don’t think they even blinked ever since I found them standing there earlier.”

Leona paused and raised his head momentarily to look at the corner where Yuu was indeed staring at them from. 

He groaned and turned over, preparing to go back to sleep. 

He nonchalantly waved his hand and calmly said, “They always do that. Just cover the herbivore with a blanket if you’re bothered by them or something. They’ll leave soon enough.”

Ruggie gave Leona a dry look, saying, “You still have class, don’t go back to sleep.” 

He looked back at Yuu who by now have turned their attention at him. 

The hyena beastman scratched his head and looked around before spotting the unused blanket on Leona’s bed and taking it. Leona wasn’t using it anyway. 

The hyena beastman made his way towards the Ramshackle Prefect and gently set the blanket over Yuu’s figure and stepped back to admire his work. 

Meanwhile, Yuu still made no movements even when they got fully covered by the blanket as if they were wearing one of those blanket ghost costumes on Halloween.

“Huh.” Ruggie hummed, poking Yuu who just shifted in place.

Just then, a familiar voice called out from outside. “Has anyone seen Yuu—Ah, there you are.” Jack said as he saw the blanket-covered individual. “Let’s head to class now. Don’t go running off again.”

[Step surprise: Oh no, class]

After being forcefully brought into class by Jack, Yuu had to now attend Alchemy class. 

Jack believed that since Crewel was teaching, Yuu couldn’t slip away as easily as they usually did with the other classes. 

Crewel was strict and had sharp senses so escaping his sight was going to be difficult. Jack would’ve been right in his conjecture were the circumstances normal. 

Yuu, however, wasn’t in any way normal. 

Because Yuu kept eating the ingredients handed to them, Crewel decided to punish them by making them stand on the corner.

Frankly, Crewel would’ve put them in detention but the last time it happened, Crewel had mysteriously lost a few of his designer brand fur robes and Yuu had oddly been coughing out hairballs the whole day.

He basically just didn’t want that headache from happening again.

Yuu slipped away silently when Crewel was busy scolding a student who got distracted and almost created a mini explosion in the classroom.

[Step 3 (again): Visit other sleepy friend]

Silver blinked awake to see Yuu standing proudly in front of him. Silver’s animal friends were surrounding them but most of the birds were on Yuu. 

Silver chuckled drowsily. 

Although he and Yuu never really talked much— Wait, did the Ramshackle Prefect even talk? He never heard them before—the other had this certain habit of pretending to be a statue and sitting near Silver whenever he found himself dozing off.

It was honestly kind of nic—

ZZZzzz…

Yeah, well, Silver fell asleep in the middle of his internal musings…

Though, a few minutes later he woke up again to see Yuu fully covered in plump and extremely fluffy birds.

The bad news, though, was that it seemed the birds were trying to abduct Yuu and it looked like they were succeeding when they managed to successfully lift the Ramshackle Prefect off the ground.

Yuu didn’t seem worried by this but Silver was.

Silver had to hold on to Yuu’s leg to prevent them from flying away and had to scold and tell his bird friends that no, Yuu was not a bird and that they shouldn’t take the resident cryptid away.

 [Step 4: He h dHHGH!]

Yuu had arrived at a very busy Heartslabyul after almost getting abducted by birds. 

It seemed that everyone was preparing for an Unbirthday Party in the afternoon.

“Oh! Prefect, what are you doing here?” Ace called out when they saw Yuu.

He stood beside them and looked in the direction of where Yuu was staring at, which was the small playpen holding the resident hedgehogs of Heartslabyul dorm.

The hedgehogs were just scurrying around in their little makeshift area, minding their own business and sometimes bumping into each other gently. It was a very adorable scene.

“They’re cute aren’t they? Too bad you can’t play with them for now since they’re needed for the croquet match later.”

“Who are you talking to, Ace?”

Deuce popped out from beside Ace and Ace realized that he had been talking to air for the past few minutes because Yuu had apparently disappeared for who knows how long now while he was talking.

The two thought that Yuu just went back to Ramshackle but they were proven wrong when someone shouted in alarm that all the hedgehogs had disappeared and sent everyone into a frenzy to look for the missing creatures.

Not a moment later, Cater reported that one of his clones had managed to capture an escaping Yuu who was holding an armful of the colorful hedgehogs.

Not only was Yuu scolded by Riddle for trying to steal the hedgehogs again soon after their attempted escapade but they were also hedgehog-less when they left Heartslabyul.

Truly a sad time for Yuu.

[Step fish: Visit fish friends (again!)]

Here comes lunch and Yuu was in Octavinelle once again with a plate of mushroom risotto being presented in front of them by a cheerful Floyd.

“Here Shrimpy, Shrimpy. Make sure you don’t leave any leftovers.” Floyd said as he continued to push more of the mushroom-based food creations that Jade had been making and experimenting on earlier.

Despite eating mushrooms almost everyday, Yuu never seems to get tired of eating it which was honestly a win-win situation for both Yuu and Floyd.

Yuu gets to eat free lunch, Floyd doesn’t have to eat mushrooms anymore, and he gets to squeeze Shrimpy all he wants while they’re there.

[Mmmm humger: Get afternoon snack]

Oddly enough, eating Jade’s cooking still hasn’t satiated Yuu’s hunger so they decided to visit the next person whose cooking they somehow like despite it being practically inedible to any other living beings.

That’s right, they headed straight over to Diasomnia where Lilia already seemed to have bene expecting them with a new creation of… whatever that thing was on the plate.

“Yuu, there you are!” Lilia greeted them with a smile. “I’ve made a new recipe I think would suit your taste. I think I added more salt than I would like but it probably shouldn’t taste any different from expected.”

The oversalted inedible dish obviously isn’t the problem here…

But with a tastebud of steel and an appetite of a starved whale, Yuu doesn’t hesitate to consume the cursed food.

Malleus, who was sitting right beside them, looked at them worriedly. 

He leaned over to them and whispered while Lilia was distracted with something else.

“Child of Mystery, are you sure you can eat this? Are you capable of digesting it? If you can’t and need help, blink once.”

And of course, Yuu doesn’t blink the whole time.

 [Step yes: Terrorize]

In all honesty, Idia shouldn’t have been playing a horror game in the dark if he wasn’t going to be prepared to see Yuu fall out of the ceiling and flop beside him like some demented fish, considering this wasn’t the first time Yuu decided to terrorize him.

Still, after the initial scare and with Ortho barging in Idia’s room, ready to blow up any enemies or intruders to kingdom come, the three of them somehow ended up chilling beside each other.

Idia continued to play the horror game.

Ortho provided curious and helpful commentaries and Yuu was acting as moral support.

Overall, oddly a pretty normal hanging out.

 [STEP 7… maybe: Funny man!]

“My, your thought process is so fascinating, Trickster! Your brain must be positively brilliant!” 

Let it be known that Yuu wasn’t doing anything particular at the very moment that would warrant a comment like that aside from trying to shove the ominous looking plant they randomly found on the forest floor that they were mostly sure wasn’t poisonous into their mouth after they left Ignihyde. 

Yet they still somehow got accosted by the hunter with the bob cut who was singing praises at them trying to eat the unknown plant.

Yuu ended up tuning most of what Rook said out like they usually do with their loud green-haired friend. 

Sure, escaping was an option but the last few times they did it, Rook kept tracking them down and continued praising them from where he left off.

Yuu even tried to play dead one time but that didn’t work so now they just settled for tuning Rook out.

Not that Rook noticed it. He seemed to be living in his own world as he continued the praises.

Thankfully, Yuu was saved when Vil arrived a few minutes later and allowed them to escape unnoticed.

[Step sand: Sand!]

Jamil looked unimpressed at Yuu who was hanging upside down beneath the magic carpet.

He wasn’t even surprised that they were somehow sticking from beneath it like some kind of lizard and instead was trying to gently swat Yuu off of it with a broom to no avail.

Kalim, who was sitting on the proper side of the magic carpet, wasn't being of any help and just laughed cheerfully.

“Firstly, Kalim, why? Secondly, Prefect, either sit down on the carpet properly or get down from it.”

Yuu blinked slowly before flopping down onto the floor area with the most cushion. Thankfully the fall wasn’t that high and the pillows Yuu landed on were extremely soft.

“Yuu was having fun.” Kalim said as if it was a completely valid reason as to why he and Yuu would go on a joyride with Yuu hanging from beneath the carpet when they were high up in the skies.

Knowing the two, they probably thought it was valid.

“You two are a menace.” 

Yuu slowly blinked again at Jamil as if making an appeal to Scarabia’s Vice Dorm Leader’s words.

 “No, denied. The two of you are still a menace.” 

Sadly, Yuu was promptly shot down but at least Kalim wanted to throw a party for them to cheer them up instead.

Just another day of hanging out with Kalim and Jamil…

[Step 10: Ask allowance from the Crowfather]

After classes (which Yuu never really bothered to make an effort to appear to unless forced by their friend/s) end, Yuu goes to Crowley for some allowance because life is tough for a lizar– eh, student who came from another world with nothing to their name.

Of course, ‘asking’ for allowance actually just meant staring at Crowley for long periods of time without saying a single word until the crowman finally caved in and gave them money.

Now here Crowley was, pretending to look busy by shuffling around some papers while Yuu intently stared at him from the doorway and hoping Yuu would get bored and go away..

Crewel was there too, watching to see how long until Crowley cracked because he and the other staff members knew Crowley won’t be able to not give Yuu their allowance because last time the crow did, Yuu went into a hissy fit and caused a surprisingly significant amount of property damage.

So in the end, Crewel and the other staff members took bets on how long Crowley would hold out until he caved in.

Trein betted Crowley would cave in within 5 minutes, Vargas betted 1 minute, Crewel betted 10 minutes, and Sam betted 6 minutes.

Suffice to say, Trein won the bet and he and Yuu walked away a lot richer than before.

[Step end: Say goodnight to Grim]

Finally, it’s the end of the day and the students all go back to their dorms, tuckered out.

As Grim climbed up to the bed, ready to go to sleep, he looked around the dark room and called out, “Goodnight, Yuu.”

There was a moment of silence…

The closet across the bed rattled softly before its door was pushed open slightly and Yuu peeked through the gap.

Their eyes were somehow glowing in the dark but it’s Yuu so is it really surprising?

“Goodnight, Grim.” Yuu said back before they gently closed the closet door.

Grim stretched and then lay down on the bed, seemingly used to Yuu’s behavior. 

Sometimes they slept hanging from the ceiling, sometimes under the bed, and sometimes inside the closet. Just Yuu being Yuu.

Overall, Yuu had pretty much a simply average, very ordinary, and very okay day.

---

(Bonus) Here is me realizing who I actually was trying to manifest for Cryptid!Yuu’s personality:

[harvestleaves]

Somebody Like You

Prompt by anon: “Just breathe, okay?”

A/N: Carlos and TK are playing in a charity softball game, APD vs AFD.  The title is from a Keith Urban song by the same name.  You can also read this on AO3 here.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,622

There were things about TK that constantly surprised Carlos. The first was, despite the fact that TK was a horrible cook, he was an incredible baker. The second, was how much of a bookworm the other male was, always having his headphones in for an audiobook, or leaving novels in random places around his house. But the most surprising thing to Carlos, which shouldn’t have been, was that TK was an amazing athlete. To be more specific, a baseball player.

Sure, because of the return of his boyfriends asthma, he was worried about the others rigorous fitness routine, his late night runs to be more precise.  But TK seemed to take the change in pace with ease, trading half of his runs for spin classes, and joining a local softball league once spring had hit.

So when the annual charity softball game between the APD and AFD was announced, TK was the first to sign up, despite Carlos’ worry.

“You signed up?  Are you sure?  We just finally got your lungs under control, are you sure you should be running around on a dusty baseball diamond?” Carlos asked as he leaned over to kiss TK on his forehead, wary of the lizard Lou, who TK was cuddling against his chest.

“Babe, I’m positive.  The doctor said that the more I get into a regular cardio routine, the stronger my lungs will be and hopefully these attacks will taper off.  Plus, I wanna see you run in baseball pants,” TK teased with a smirk as he gently pet Lou.

“But what about the extra pollen lately, and as I previously mentioned, the dust?  And who said I was playing?  Those guys play dirty,” Carlos said with a raised eyebrow as he looked pointedly at his boyfriend, who had been popping allergy pills round the clock with the recently blooming dogwood trees.

“I’ll take an extra strength allergy pill, AND I’ll take a breathing treatment before the game.  Both should keep my lungs relatively open and happy.  Plus, I’ll have my inhaler with me.  Now, what can I do to convince you to play?” TK asked with a grin as he reached out to caress Carlos’ chest, cradling Lou close to his own so he didn’t drop the pet.

“I trust you, but you have to promise that you will tell Judd, Tommy or I if you are having even the slightest trouble breathing, okay?” Carlos whispered, smiling at the hand on his chest before he nodded pointedly at Lou.  “He has to be securely in his enclosure though,” he said bluntly, having bought a newer sturdier tank after the lizard escaped from its previous home.”

“Fine, but after I do, I want an intense cardio session with you,” TK grinned, pressing a kiss to Carlos’ lips before he got up, placing Lou in the tank before making sure it was latched shut.

“Now, bedroom?” TK asked as he walked back to Carlos, moving his legs to either side of Carlos’ hips as he sat on his boyfriend’s lap.  “Or here?”

--------------------------------

Two weeks later, the morning of the softball game, TK was lounging on the couch, nebulizer mouthpiece between his teeth as he took a treatment while Carlos moved around the kitchen making coffee and omelets.

Carlos kept glancing nervously at TK from the kitchen even though he new it was a preventative treatment to keep his boyfriend from having an asthma attack.  However, he still had a gut feeling that something was going to happen even if TK was smiling through his treatment.

Hearing the nebulizer click off, Carlos held out TK’s coffee to him along with an allergy pill, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.

“How are you feeling this morning?  I know you slept pretty soundly last night,” Carlos teased with a smile as TK swallowed the allergy pill with a small wince.

“Pretty good, my sinuses were a little stuffy this morning, but I think the allergy meds should help.  You’re helicoptering babe.  I’m fine,” TK said softly as he pressed a kiss to Carlos’ lips softly.

“And I’ve seen you struggling to breathe enough where I know that you’re full of shit,” Carlos stated with a smirk.  “I’m taking your spare with me and I told Judd to have your stuff on standby.”

TK’s mouth dropped open with a huff at Carlos’ words before he sighed and started to eat his breakfast before he turned to Carlos.  “So this means you’re playing, right?”

“That’s still all you care about?  Yes, I’m playing.  They conned me into being the catcher,” Carlos sighed as he ate his own breakfast, watching TK’s eyebrows raise as he broke into a grin.

“So I get to see all of this,” TK paused, motioning to Carlos’ body, with an emphasis on his lower half, “In baseball pants?  Yes!”

“Oh, so all you cared about was seeing me in a uniform?  You already see me in one,” Carlos rolled his eyes at TK’s antics, though he was flattered that his boyfriend wanted to see him in the APD softball uniform.  “You’ve seen me in workout clothes too, what exactly is the difference?”

“The difference babe, is that baseball pants are very form-fitting, and if you are the catcher, that means I get to stare at one of my many favorite parts of you,” TK teased as he leaned across the island to kiss Carlos again.

“Oh, so you only care about my body?  I see,” Carlos laughed before he returned the kiss.

“Not just your body, but also your extremely beautiful and kind heart.  Now, go get dressed so we can head to the field,” TK grinned, already dressed in his jersey and joggers, as he finished his breakfast.

--------------------------------

When they reached the softball field, Carlos got out of the drivers seat and took what he thought was his backpack from TK, who was carrying their identical bags.

“See you when we’re up to kick your butt,” TK grinned as he pressed a kiss to Carlos’ lips before he headed off to the dugout where Judd and Tommy were.

“Damn kid, I’m not into men, but your boy sure makes that uniform look official,” Judd said with a low whistle and raise of his eyebrows at how well Carlos filled out his uniform.

“I know, and he’s all mine,” TK grinned triumphantly as he sat his backpack down under the bench and set his glove down, moving to stretch his arms before he looked over at Tommy.

“Don’t worry, I took allergy meds and a treatment, I should be fine until the end of the game,” he reminded her as she gave him a pointed look as if to ask him how he was feeling.

“I didn’t ask, but it’s good to know, do you have your inhaler and portable neb in there?” Tommy asked with a nod to TK’s bag, which didn’t look as full as it should be if he had said medical equipment available.

“Yup, it’s all there.  Now, can we go warm up?  Please?” TK asked hopefully as he picked up his glove off the bench before he followed Judd to the field.

--------------------------------

TK made it until the second to last inning before he started to wheeze, and it wasn’t from the dirt and dust of the field, it was the dirt and dust that was stuck in his hair after his last home run.

Brushing off his jersey, he turned to cough when he inhaled a small bit, bringing a hand up to his chest to rub at the sudden tightness that appeared.

“Judd.  Inhaler,” TK rasped out with a nod to the black backpack sitting next to his water bottle, letting Nancy ease him down onto the bench with a wince.

“It’s not in here, kid.  Are you sure you packed it?” Judd asked as he dug through the bag, coming up empty-handed except for a few protein bars and an APD hoodie that said Reyes on the back.

“That’s Carlos’ bag, he took my inhaler out when he washed it,” TK wheezed, glancing up to see that Carlos had taken off his catcher’s mask and was making his way to their bench despite protests from the umpire.

“Nancy, go grab TK’s bag from the other bag, his inhaler is in the front zippered pocket, but bring the whole bag, just in case he needs a treatment,” Carlos said as he crouched down in front of TK, perfectly imitating his catcher’s stance.

“Just breathe, okay?  Nancy’s on her way back.  You’re gonna be just fine,” Carlos soothed as he ran his fingers through TK’s hair, glad that his boyfriend didn’t sound as bad as he’d heard him in the past.  Looking up as Nancy handed him the inhaler, Carlos shook it up before handing it over to TK.

“Slow breaths Ty.  You know the drill,” Carlos smiled, watching TK take the dose of medication before he let out the breath in a shaky sigh.

“Thanks, babe.  I think I’m good now, get back to the game, you’re losing,” TK laughed, voice slightly raspy from his attack before he leaned in for a kiss.

“Seriously?  Your lungs decide to mutiny, and you’re worried about winning?  You need to work on your priorities,” Carlos rolled his eyes as he stood up.

“I wanna win,” TK shrugged with a smirk before he took another puff from his inhaler.  “I should be fine by my next at-bat, now go,” TK urged Carlos, smiling as his boyfriend rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but I’m not letting you guys win,” Carlos stated as he walked back to home plate, winking at TK as he slid his catcher’s mask back on and crouched down, game-ready once more.  

[lonelyasawhisper]

Records

Creem, 1st March 1979

The Royal Screw, Part VII

QUEEN Jazz (Elektra)

by Mitch Cohen

For a few weeks in 1978, an FM radio station in New York City was trying, earnestly and imaginatively, to create rock ’n’ roll counter-programming. A ratings turnaround didn’t happen fast enough, so it changed its format to something called “the Rock Champions” (i.e., more AOR elitism). This was around the same time that every film clip of The Yankees on television was scored with “We Are The Champions,” and the movie FM attempted to pass off “We Will Rock You” as the “We Shall Overcome” of the rock revolution. I started to despise Queen; a two-sided platinum single of aristocratic, pompous, triumphof-the-will arrogance in 4/4 time (if marches are to resound over the .airwaves, better Ace Frehley’s “New York Groove” any day) summed up for me the worst in royalist rock, and I couldn’t remember more joyless, numbing, contemptuous music reaching a mass audience. Frankly, I was wary of the implications.

I needn’t have been. I still despise Queen, but their music is so absurdly dull on Jazz, so filled with dumb ideas and imitative posturing, that it’s impossible to feel threatened by a barely competent rock group singing “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” (real 70’s-think: can you imagine a Queen Army, a pack of mascara’d lounge lizards walking in lockstep?). “Fun It” is their disco number for Christ’s sake, and it still sounds like a funeral march, with lyrical babble about dynastic movements. And no lead singer who evokes Joel Grey’s slimy Cabaret smarminess and who writes “the first Moroccan rock ’n’ roll song” (it sounds more like his haftorah) can truly be scary, just genuinely awful.

Queen used to make enjoyably ludicrous records like “Liar” and “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and Roy Thomas Baker gave their music an entertaining art-rock veneer that he adapted so successfully for The Cars. But now, even their best jokes—“Let Me Entertain You”, a parody of their own worthlessness; “Dreamer’s Ball,” an extravagantly condescending jazz-blues—are pummeled by the approach to the material. All four of Queen’s writers seem to know what a song is (they’ve learned and stolen from the worst of The Beatles just as Cheap Trick have absorbed and adapted the best) and when to stop, qualities lacking in many of their progressive competitors, and stripped of their pretentious overlays, the tunes on Jazz turn out to be swipes from The Cowsills, “Holly Holy,” Magical Mystery Tour, Disraeli Gears, Mott The Who-ple. If only Queen could lock into the simplest formula without attaching dead weights, if Freddie Mercury weren’t such a screeching bore (even his cock-rock, like “Don’t Stop Me Now,” is flaccid), if their arrangements weren’t on the basic level of Mel Brooks’ “Prisoners Of Love,” then Jazz could be studied as a catalog of pop-rock sources.

Mercury, surprise of surprises, may have turned into the weakest link of the quartet (although the rhythm section does plunge to deeper depths, it does so less frequently); his compositions dominate side one and they are, without exception, earsores: “Mustapha” (the weirdest lead-off track in the history of rock albums?), “Let Me Entertain You” (a pure rocky horrorshow). Guitarist Brian May handles all the jazzing up around here, with his rollin’ and tumblin’ “Dead On Time” and “Dreamer’s Ball,” the only song that even approximates the LP’s title (if Queen pulled a Kiss and released four solo albums, May’d be the best bet (o be their Ace), but as he is also responsible for the sniggery “Fat Bottomed Girls,” it would be a misrepresentation to exempt him from blame.

Maybe Queen thinks all this is funny, that their undisguised condescension (“rock ’n’ roll just pays the bills”) and operatic mannerisms atop a beat more Rockette than rock is entertainment, but it’s not my idea of a good time. For me, their snappiest one-liner is on the inner sleeve: “Written, arranged and performed exclusively by Queen.” As if anyone else would want to.step forward and take credit.

Bonus:

Mail

Creem, 1st May 1979

FAT-MOUTHED BOYS This letter is dedicated to some guy who calls himself Mitch Cohen,' they sapling who dares take credit for the review of the LP Jazz by Queen. (CREEM, March 1979)

The review he presented to us CREEM readers finally solved the mystifying question that has been baffling us since the beginning of time. The question being: Does listening to hours of shit (some assholes prefer to refer to it as "music") performed by such tirds (Or "musicians" as those same ball heads call them) as the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Dead Ted Nugent, and other similar assorted nymphos deteriorate the brains and eardrums of rock critics? For those of you who are suffering from the listed ailments (Or worse. You could be trapped in a closet with a hi-fi crooning Black Sabbath shit), the answer is Y-E-S. That spells yeah.

One of the few remaining remedies for those conditjons is Q U-E-E-N. That spells excellency.

Disco is dying.

Punk is putrid.

But QUEEN is KING.

Fun it.

All Hail Their Majesties,

Fresca A. Randazzo Dover, NH

(And this month's winner in the Critic Hatred Sweepstakes is Mitch Cohen! Previous record holder Billy Altman distinguished himself with the hate mail received after his Who Are You review. Queen fans: we wanted to run some representative of your many amusing letters, and this is it; unfortunately the rest concentrate on what you see as Mr. Cohen's sexual and medical problems, and are hopelessly rank with spittle, with nary a defense of their music. Instructive, no?—Ed.)

THAT'S NOT A BANANA... Hey! RE: Your review-putdowns of Queen's latest, Jazz in your March issue:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO DAMN RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You told 'em!!!!!

Baby Face Toronto, Ontario

P.S. And that's not an opinion. That's a FACT!

Retrieved from The Creem Archive