#taking my meds and avoiding my family while never leaving my house | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hitaka5ever · 6 months

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I haven't been on social media much for months and I'll explain why here and how I plan on finishing the rest of the year and what my goals for next year are (I will probs forget to do it later, hence why I'm doing it now)

Anywho, my main reason for being away is for my mental health that has gotten much worse since the end of summer, mainly of course to do with the genocide of Palestinians and the amount of information that has been shared by millions. I've kept my eye on the atrocities on and off since it started, getting some info from family, who I visited recently, but for the most part I've avoided minute-by-minute coverage

I'm a very empathetic person. This means I have a strong sense of noticing others' emotions that become a part of me after enough exposure to them. So for example, if someone I know is extremely sad or cries, even though I'm not experiencing their sadness or pain, I get emotional along with them (since I spend 99% of my time with mum, we feed off each others' feelings and physical attributes the most)

So my depression and anxiety are the main reasons for my absence on everything but YouTube and email. I ultimately have to take care of myself before I can worry about anyone or anything else

I'm back to seeing a therapist every other week on Thursdays via Zoom. She's the first therapist I've ever had that's asked me what my main goals with therapy are and what I'm looking for. My last therapist asked the same thing, but we never actually went over anything practical. Right now, my severe anxiety is what's ruining my life the most, so I wanted to focus strictly on that for now. I want to know what I need to do to combat my anxiety in specific situations, like being out in public places

I've brought up before that I have severe hearing sensory overload. If too many physical noises (meaning stuff not on a screen or through speakers) surround me, I get very jittery and weird feeling in my head and body. I have to leave the room when it gets really bad. Normally I can calm down within 5 minutes of leaving the situation, but that's only if I'm in between 2 people talking with each other. It's a lot worse when they're talking over one another. My worst experience was having sound inside and outside my house that surrounded me on all sides. It took ~30 minutes to return to normal after I went into a secluded area to listen to music with headphones on. As you can imagine this is way too much stimulation for my broken brain to handle, so finding jobs out in the real world are very hard on me

That comes to my next bit of information: I'm still unemployed and looking into temporary disability through my therapist while I learn to take control of my anxiety. I have severe PTSD from being bullied in middle school, living with a mentally abusive parent, and having experienced a terrible car accident almost a year after I graduated high school (this was in 2009) So trusting people on and offline (less so online) has made my adult life very difficult. Riding in vehicles to reach a certain destination was the absolute worst symptom of my mental illness from 2009-2021, and even now I get very subtle anxiety knowing when I have places to get to. I'm obviously loads better than I was back then thanks to meds, but now I have employment to think about, which brings on its own problems

Finding jobs that don't include retail, fast food, or talking to people face-to-face or via phone, especially in my shitty small town, is a nightmare. I've tried finding work remotely at home, but there's always at least 1 requirement that makes me ineligible for the job. I want to make money making digital art, but I lack the skills and exposure in a world where even the most experienced freelancers are struggling to make ends meet (bc of artificial images (AI) taking over the community) As you can tell, this gives me very limited job opportunities and I don't know if I qualify for disability on a normal basis rather than a temporary one, so either way I have less than $150 left in my bank and unable to pay my parents rent bc of all of this

But things here aren't all bad. I enjoyed going to stay with my sisters for all of November where they live, getting to spend time with 4 cats and a foster baby (I did get a bad cold the last week of vacation, but that was the only bad thing about the trip) and coming home to have something I haven't had since 2020

We are fostering a purebred Pitbull girl named Stella for the rest of the year. She's 8 years old but still in her prime and we have become best buds (and napping pals) since day 1. This was a trial run to see if she would be the right fit for the family, and so far everything's been going great, minus her ear infections that we're taking care of. Stella has basically become my dog and we're likely keeping her for the remainder of her life. She's the sweetest and most chill dog I have ever met and I fell in love with her immediately. It took her 2 days of coaxing to be used to getting on my bed, with and without me, and she follows me everywhere I go, so we're bonded for life lol

So that's the most exciting news I have to share about what's been happening with me. I get to go into the new year owning my very own dog and learning how to cope with my anxiety before and after it starts, so I'm looking forward to the new year

Speaking of the new year (I'm almost done, promise!) I have a few goals for 2024 that I really want to stick to my guns about

Run a successful Kickstarter making and selling fire-breathing insect and bug stickers

Making extensive reference sheets of my OCs and fan fiction characters (eg my werewolf au and LoZ stories)

Learning (digital) art restoration. When I visited my sisters, my oldest was gathering foster kid stuff when she became a foster parent, and she got a set of Mega Building Blocks that had significant wear and tear. Some of the pieces with stickers on them were faded and peeling off, so I want to remake those stickers, get them printed, and give them to my sister so she can restore the broken pieces for her future foster kids. This gave me the idea of restoring art that has worn down or ruined over time. I like taking electronics apart and putting them back together again and I enjoy the assembly and design of things, so I think restoring physical items could become a potential art job

Learn basic idle animations of characters and objects. A Clip Studio Paint user makes tutorial videos on the official English CSP YouTube channel, and their latest is simplistic animations in CSP, so I want to try it out and offer it as a commission option if I'm comfortable with the process

Cartoonify famous or interesting places from real life, such as cool cities/towns, schools/colleges, or the Seven Wonders of the World, etc

Visit my friends at our homes or going out to restaurants and into town. My anxiety has made being around the friends I've grown up with really hard as well, not just with employment, so I want that to change a lot too

Legally change my name and gender after wanting to for the last few years (Rocky Dean (dad's middle name) Fuller (mum's maiden name))

Look into getting top surgery in the next 3+ years. I'm finally to the point where having breasts is ruining my life physically (back pain) and mentally (dysphoria) so I need to find a surgeon that doesn't require weight loss or hormone therapy to do the procedure

Just do art in general

That's all for now!

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princessdreamie · 9 months

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DBH Part 11

The next day at Na's school

Since Bu left school the younger students and the staff were in a more positive mood throughout the day.

No crying, sad faces in classes, or the playground on the kids Bu used to torment. The headmaster couldn't fathom how a small child could be such a menace.

He had to give the news to some of the parents in case the Stanton boy were to come back. Which, to be fair, is not without reason.Miss Trail finished her class and let her students know about the upcoming trip to a company. The children had different reactions to this reveal. Some were either excited, bored, or confused. Their class would usually go up a mountain or a museum. But they never had a trip to a firm. One of the kids finally asked the teacher what company they would go to.

The only answer she would give them was that it was a surprise. Na and Le weren't big on going to do trips. Le had to be more cautious to not get hit by a car or get lost (quick reminder that Le is currently deaf) and Na had still to keep track of her meds. And usually, she can't just stop and take them without the whole class waiting for her.Mi was okay with going places that weren't school-related. Museums bore her though. To was the complete opposite of his pals. He was timid with large groups, yes, but he loved to adventure. And this would be the last trip before he flies off with his parents.His dream was to become an explorer like his idol Nathaniel (Nt for short), E Ferguson's cousin. Na knew who he was but never actually met him. Not even at her uncle's house. He went traveling for a few more years but eventually settled somewhere in America with his now wife. No one believed him after they got invitations to his wedding. Especially E.

But from what she heard he has a good life with his now wife and sometimes calls his family. The stories she heard from her aunt and mom didn't make him that appealing either. Sure, she felt bad for him that his then-GF got snatched away by that Keith guy but there was no way they still had feelings for each other anymore.

School was finally over and kids started to leave the school grounds with their families. K came to pick up his daughter with his new motorbike. All the kids crowded around the vehicle in awe. K called Na over, showing off his new purchase. Na stared at her goofy dad and his over-the-top acting irritated.

K was asking why she wouldn't try to sit with him. To which she responded: „Dad, I Love you. But you don't expect a 6-year-old to arrive on a motorcycle, do you? Besides, I assume Mom isn't aware of this. So for the sake of my health and for you to avoid Mom's wrath, pls leave the place and come back with a car.”

K was in disbelief at what his daughter just said to him. He was sure he would impress her with the motorcycle but she was right about J being angry if she was to find out about it. Dejected, he drove away, as the kids waved goodbye to the driver on his bike.

Mi laughed out loud. She couldn't believe that Na would just flat-out reject his offer when other kids would have jumped at that opportunity. The girl just shook her head while they kept waiting for their rides.The parking zone was nearly empty when K finally came back with their usual car.

Driving home, K asked the little girl in the back not to tell her mom and to keep it a secret for the time being. She promised and went back watching out the window.

As they stopped at a red light, Na noticed C with a girl she hadn't met before strolling down. She rolled down her window and greeted both of them. C and the new girl stopped in their tracks and C immediately waved back at her.

C introduced the Na to his companion and vice versa. The boy acquainted Na as a relative of his. But before they could keep chatting, the street light jumped to green. They had to cut their goodbye short but C promised to introduce her to his new friend the next time she visited.

While driving K was making a short comment of how pretty C's girlfriend is to his kid. She agreed but to her, they didn't look that close to her.

#chance #dbh #divorced billionaire heiress #eric #eric ferguson #ferguson #billionaire heiress #better ending #alternative ending #altenative

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99liners · 1 year

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Hiii so I watched this Indian movie on Amazon prime, called AMMU. Dude, it was so eerily similar to Kaiho, I was low-key creeped out. How did you capture how victims of abuse think and behave so perfectly

- med student anon

tw: physical abuse, domestic violence.

henlo! and i just Google'd the movie lol. i am not big on watching Indian movies, i watch bengali movies but i am far from mainstream media so this is new. also, i avoid movies which are based on the society around us because i see it all around me all the damn time.

honestly, this whole domestic violence thing isn't new to India and Indian women who are coaxed into an arrange marriage and become a housewife. its an old tale that we are still fighting today.

recently, i have been seeing this reel coming up a lot on my FYP, it's also a South Indian movie (i forgot the name) where the wife recounts that her husband slapped her 21 times in the past some months since marriage and she was asked to adjust by the family so she did the math that in these months its 21, in these many years it will be xyz. after obviously failing to get any help from the family (her or his) she started learning self defense through YouTube and finally stood up to her husband herself. (idk the full plot, this is what i got from the reel)

so these topics, these movies about domestic violence have been around since India starting the cinematography business and we still have not been able to rid the society of this disease.

i have seen it around me a lot, even growing up as a child. not in my family or house, but in my neighbourhood, among my friends' parents or just random strangers on the road.

even when i am six feet under, i would never blame the victim (the women in most situations) but a victim's mindset is a tricky road. when you live with your abuser, you become dependent on them because in almost all the cases you are a liability; with little to no education, no income source and a society where women are seen as a the weaker gender so for abused women to actually just up and leave, it takes a lot.

i blame the women's parents. always. because they always know that's happening and they do nothing. i don't expect much from the men's family cause they couldn't teach their son shit so why should anyone expect them to understand anything now but the girls' parents? bruh they CHOOSE to stay blind. and no, you cannot prove me otherwise.

tw: death

i have mostly worked in the criminal law area and the cases i worked revolved around rape, dowry deaths, cruelty against women, domestic violence, etc (i was on the defense side lol, i know, ironic). this one time we had a dowry death case where the wife had been subject to continuous emotional, mental and physical abuse by the husband's family for dowry. the girl's parents knew but didn't do shit. now, one night she calls up her dad and tells her that she overheard her in-laws and that they have been planning to kill her for a while and tonight is the night because she can just feel it. you know what the dad said? child, it's too late in the night for me to show up at your in-laws house, it'll be considered rude so i will come by tomorrow early morning.

after a few hours of that call, the in-laws burned her alive. all because her coward parents fucking thought about society first. and now they are fighting because their daughter is gone? how fucking dare they. the only person who deserves justice in this case is the girl and not her parents and their emotional pain. she's fucking ashes because her father couldn't ride out (30-40kms) in the middle of the night to save his daughter who's been subject to continuous torture because they CHOSE the man she must marry and CHOSE for her that she must always bare the torture cause fucking society.

#also is the movie really v similar to my story? is it my time to sue for plagiarism and become rich? 🤤🤤#asks #askjaim #kaiho #tatemae series #med student anon

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lesbianmaxevans · 1 year

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so I got sick in early november. I was double masked, out for less than 30 minutes (doing a necessary errand), but bc practically no one else in that space was masked, I got something. it probably wasn’t covid bc I took a pcr test that came back negative but I mean I never found out what exactly I had, so there’s always the possibility that it was.

while my symptoms weren’t bad while I had whatever that illness was (mostly just lack of appetite and fatigue), once I got over those symptoms, I had chest pain and shortness of breath. I went to a walk in clinic, got some meds. took another few weeks to clear that up (well, for the most part).

ever since I got sick I have been BEGGING my mom to stop doing things that are high risk (i.e. eating at restaurants, something she has been doing at least once a month). she refused to listen to my pleas. I start using our air filter machine 24/7. this pisses her off and most days we end up fighting over it bc she continually turns it off. I start wearing a mask when I’m outside of the few rooms of the house that she doesn’t use.

family comes to stay with us over christmas bc god forbid we continue to social distance and have it over zoom. I avoid contact as much as possible, wear a mask whenever we’re in the same room. they leave and after a couple weeks I start relaxing on my precautions.

my mom goes to meet a friend for lunch a little over a week ago. I’m still using the air filter and still keeping my distance, but I’ve stopped wearing a mask in the house. my mom has had a persistent cough since before covid, but it starts sounding worse. I can’t tell if it genuinely sounds worse or if it’s my paranoia.

she picks up take out a few days ago, and against my better judgement, I eat dinner with her, because I feel like there’s not really any safe place to go eat in the house unless I go upstairs and I don’t want her to yell at me for being rude. so I stay.

the next day I see a covid test in the trash can. I ask her if she’s feeling okay. she sheepishly tells me she’s not feeling well, something she probably wouldn’t have admitted if I hadn’t up front asked her. the test came back negative after all. I start masking again, fiercely hoping that I haven’t already caught what she has. I listen to her cough her way through a 45 minute phone call, terrified that this is probably covid. I tell her my fears and she yells at me insisting that it can’t be covid.

I do my best to never be in the same room as her, but my mom doesn’t care to share any of these protective measures, still wandering all over the house, not masking, coughing w/o covering her mouth, coming into rooms I’m in instead of waiting until I’ve left.

last night I notice I have a scratchy throat. I feel like I need to cough but my body just isn’t producing a cough. I’m mad and scared bc I don’t want to go through what I went through a couple months ago again. I pray that it’s not covid, but I don’t feel optimistic.

this morning my mom tells me she’s tested positive for covid and I develop a cough.

please wear your masks

#I hate her so much #I don't know how to make a post unrebloggable lol but pls don't reblog #Rachel's textposts

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i-am-so-fucking-sad · 2 years

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Tw: the shit in my account description

I keep seeing and hearing things that remind me of him. Someone in a show will make a joke about suicide or a dead body and those used to just make me uncomfortable or I’d find it funny but now they make me remember how he looked when I saw him. The pitch black spots all over his face and his nose being entirely black. and how my stepmom couldn’t keep her mouth shut about how his tongue was out when they found him.

He used his meds. I can’t even take my meds anymore because they just make me think of him. They’re the same pills he used, we had the same prescription. He went to the liquor store near our old house. The one we’d walk by when we went to the corner store to get slurpees together in the summer. When we were little.

I’ve been having more intrusive thoughts since he died. Every time I have a pencil or scissors or knife or fork of anything I think “I should stab that through my eye” and I can’t even function anymore.

I still can’t believe my brother is dead. My big brother. He was just 18. Now he’s gone forever.

I was only seven when my little brother died. I felt bad but I barely knew him. He was only 12 days old. This now, my big brother who I’ve known all my life. This hurts so much more.

And now my sisters are 7 and their big brother died and they’re acting how I did at their age. But I can’t help feeling angry about it. This wasn’t someone they had just met, this was their brother. A brother they actually knew. This was someone they had known their whole life and it feels like they don’t care. I know I shouldn’t be mad at them but I am. They seem to have already moved on, it hasn’t even been 2 months yet. He just died.

And it feels like he would be so hurt if he knew. He loved them the most I think. He cared so much about them. He had their photos out on his desk. He was looking at the photos before he died. He had his cope kit out, everything he was supposed to do to avoid attempting again.

It wasn’t a new thing. He had attempted suicide at least 9 times before this. And he would get so mad and he would drink and he would steal meds and he had so many issues and sometimes I would wish it would just be over with because it was so hard. It was so hard never knowing if I would see him again or if I wouldn’t have my meds because he took them or if I’d have to babysit him while he was drunk or any of the bullshit he put us through. But now I just wish we could have him back. I would give anything to see him again.

I had a dream a few nights ago. My living brother, I’ll say E, and I got home to our old house. And suddenly he was there, he explained that he wasn’t actually dead, and things just had to seem that way. It wasn’t a big deal, we were just so happy he was back we didn’t care why. We talked and and we had such a nice time in the dream and then we had to leave the house. when I woke up I was so excited that he was okay but then it hit me that it was a dream and my heart died all over again. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that feeling. The feeling of hope being ripped away.

My family expects me to feel complicated feelings about his death. We had a very rocky relationship. He abused me, mostly verbally but also physically. he had anger issues since he was little and took them out on me because I was annoying and he thought I was trying to upset him. Because of all that my family expects me to feel conflicted and shit but I’m not. I just want him back. He was getting better and our relationship was healing and he was my fucking brother and I loved him and I still love him and I just want him back.

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hintofelation99 · 3 years

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Sick day headcannons!!!!!!!

Hell yeah, I do have a post on this already (linked here) but sick day headcanons are some of my favs so let’s do some more! (Just btw there will be some repeats but that just means I rlly like that headcanon)

Dick

Dick: Oh no, god no!

Wally: What’s wrong?!

Dick: I’m dying!

Wally, suspicious: Okay…

Dick: Please Wally this is serious, I need help!

Wally, deciding to take Dick seriously: Okay, what’s wrong? What do you need?

Dick: Just a coffin. Made of maple- no oak! And roses, preferably white, oh or blue! With baby’s breath. And-

Wally: Dick, what’s wrong?!

Dick: I burnt the roof of my mouth.

Wally leaves.

A good rule of thumb for Dick is the more dramatic he is the less serious the situation. The less dramatic he is the more serious the situation.

He will go into work with a cold and complain the entire day.

If he has something serious that’s contagious he’ll call in sick but just say it’s a slight stomach bug.

If it’s not contagious he will act like everything is completely fine.

One time he did this after getting an injury on patrol and ended up passing out and spending that night and the next day in the ICU.

He has become a bit more responsible over the years, mainly bc he thinks it’s adorable how sweet and cuddly Damian gets.

His favorite sick day activity is eating junk food and watching rom coms under a fuzzy blanket .

Babs

Dick: Please go to bed!

Babs: I am, I am, just one more line of code.

Dick: You’ve said that for the last three hours!

Babs tries to relax when sick but she has trouble actually taking a step back to rest.

Most of the time she’ll take a nightquil then get distracted by something and ends up falling asleep in front of her screen.

Usually Cass or Steph will come over and take care of her.

Steph always makes the best comfort food. And usually Cass will tuck Babs into bed.

Babs loves dozing on the couch to the sound of Cass and Steph laughing in the kitchen as they make her soup.

If Cass and Steph can’t come over she loves talking to them over discord while eating take out. Usually she and Cass just listen to Steph babble or she watches on of them stream something.

She also usually ends up falling asleep.

Jason

Bruce: Are you sick?

Jason: I’m legally dead.

Bruce: That doesn’t-

Jason: So,legally, no. I am not sick.

Jason will forever and always argue that he can’t get sick since he already died.

When he was little he was rarely able to get extra rest when he was sick. Because when he was really little he wanted to go to school to avoid Willis. After Catherine died he was too busy just trying to survive to focus on being healthy.

But when Catherine was alive and Willis was away Jason would stay home from school, and if Catherine was sober she would read to him and sing lullabies. This only happened like twice but Jason cherishes those memories of Catherine.

As a kid if he was ever sent home for being sick he’d get in huge trouble with Willis.

After being adopted the first time he was sent home with a fever he begged Alfred not to tell Bruce and hid in his closet until he stopped crying being sad. Alfred sat by the closet door with soup, a grilled cheese, and tea, reading The Princess Bride aloud until Jason came out. It took two hours.

Jason’s favorite sick day activity is drinking tea and rereading The Princess Bride (with the movie playing quietly in the background) while wearing his Wonder Woman hoodie.

Cass

Steph: Cass why are you patrolling while sick?!

Cass shrugs.

Steph, with a sigh: You’re allowed to take a sick day, okay?

Cass looks unsure but nods.

Steph: C’mon, let’s get you a bath and fuzzy blankets.

Cass forgets that she’s not just a weapon/tool. She forgets that she’s allowed to rest when sick.

Because of this she will keep going no matter what and tends to view ‘taking a sick day’ as a failure.

Steph, Tim, and Babs have been working on this with her. She’s improved a lot now that Tim lost his spleen and gets sick easily.

Now usually Steph cooks for her while Babs lays with her.

Cass isn’t against taking medicine but she never feels like the situation is severe enough to require medication. So someone in the fam has to convince her to take her meds.

She becomes extremely cuddly when sick and will cling to anyone near her.

Her favorite sick day activity is watching old horror movies with Steph or Babs.

Steph

Steph: I’m fine.

Steph: I’m- I have a fever of 104, I should rest.

Stephs mom is a doctor, so she’s used to being told “it’s just a cold, you’re fine”.

Usually she keeps going until she can’t then sleeps for like three days.

But it’s less out of stubbornness and more out of habit. So if someone tells her to rest she’s immediately like “okay!” and takes the sick day.

Babs always calls or comes over to check on her every day that she’s sick.

Cass has been learning how to cook and loves making Steph food when she’s sick.

Tim used to come over but now he always calls.

Stephs favorite sick day activity is sleeping with an ice pack or heating pad, depending on the sickness, with a giant cup of ginger ale and Cass curled up beside her.

Tim

Jason: Tim, are you sick?

Tim, tiredly staring at case files: No I-

Tim is interrupted by a violent coughing fit.

Tim: Oh, I guess I am?

Growing up Tim loved getting sick because it meant the house keeper would come over and take care of him and he might even get a hug.

But she stopped coming over when Tim was ten, his parents thought he was old enough to handle being sick on his own.

Sick days in the manor were a shock to him because he was rarely alone, there was always one family member by his side.

Now that he’s immunocompromised he’s always surrounded by people, he pretends to get annoyed with it but really he loves how much they care.

Dick always sings Romani lullabies and runs his fingers through Tim’s hair. Jason, Duke, and Steph will cook for him. Damian stay by his side and bring him tea. Babs will play video games with him. And Cass does a bit of everything, at least everything other than sing to him.

The family also takes Tim getting sick very seriously so if they here one cough he’s immediately being interrogated and getting his temperature checked.

Tim’s favorite sick day activity is laying under a weighted blanket with a cup of tea and playing video games with Babs, Steph, Duke, and Cass.

Duke

Dick, knocking on Duke’s door: Hey bud, why are you still in bed? I thought we were training together?

Duke: Sorry, I forgot to cancel. I’m sick and don’t think I can handle training today.

Dick: You’re sick?!

Duke: Yeah, but don’t worry I’ve been disinfecting and cleaning so no one else should get sick.

Dick: I’m not worried about getting sick, I’m worried about you!

Duke: …oh, okay.

Growing up sick days were spent at home either resting alone or with one of his parents.

He had to do some fending for himself (like cleaning and making food when his parents weren’t home with him) but nothing extreme or unexpected. So, overall he had pretty normal sick days.

After he parents went missing he was so focused on getting them back and saving them that he never stopped to rest when sick.

Now as a member of the Wayne family his sick days are always spent with someone by his side, at least they are if he tells the family he’s sick.

He’s gotten in trouble several times for not telling Alfred/the family that’s he’s sick. Not because he puts Tim at risk, he like all the family is very cautious about that, but because everyone worries about him and wants to help take care of him.

After several lectures from Alfred he’s finally getting better about telling the family when he’s sick.

His favorite sick day activity is reading Jason’s copy of The Princess Bride while having a bowl of Alfred’s chicken noodle soup.

Damian

Jason: Are you sick?

Damian: N-

Damian sneezes like a kitten.

Damian: No.

Cass, smiling: Sick baby brother, cute sneeze.

Damian tries to be offended but ends up having a sneezing fit.

Steph: That’s so adorable!!

Damian has the most adorable sneezes. He literally sounds like a kitten and the entire family and hero community finds it adorable. Damian hates it.

He used to try and pretend he wasn’t sick and just work through it.

Then he sneezes in front of Harley and Ivy and they cooed over him for an hour.

Now he grumpily secluded himself in his room when sick.

Usually the family will check on him and find that Jon flew over and they’re cuddling on his bed watching cartoons.

When Damian’s sick he really craves spicy food. Like everything he eats he’ll add hot sauce or pepper to. His food is so spicy that only Cass can handle it, like it makes ghost peppers look like child’s play.

His favorite sick day activity is drinking masala chai under one of Tim’s fuzzy blankets while wearing Dick’s old hoodies and surrounding himself with various soft things he stole from his siblings. This is preferably done while eating spicy tomato or lentil soup and watching cartoons with Jon.

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yuichi-ro · 2 years

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cw: fem!Reader, angst/comfort, mentions of death, loss of family word count: 0.9k

"You once said that everyone leaves you."

Here sprawled out on the couch, Dime resting soundly on the ground and your eyes following Nobuchika as he came to sit on the couch next to you. Your eyes met like they'd done many times over the past three decades. What you spoke of was in a fit of emotional turmoil years before this very moment but still it stuck. Lacing your thoughts every once in a while with the heaviness of his words.

"Well...do you still feel that way?"

Nobuchika sat down, careful to avoid Dime's tail when he seated himself next to you on the couch, "You know I never meant you."

Clink of the spoon against the edge of your tea cup when you stirred in the sugar that stubbornly refused to dissolve, "Part of me knows that but...part of me always felt like I was to blame too. I did let my hue get clouded first after all."

"No, technically Kogami did." He watched your motions carefully but without a hint of tracking what you were really doing. Like he was watching something else take place even as you raised the cup to your lips and his eyes followed, "I understand why your hue became clouded. I should have understood sooner but I-"

"Death is uncomfortable." You murmur into the lip of your tea cup, "It's always been uncomfortable. I don't think the Sibyl system can will that away with any amount of meds or therapy or logic."

Nobuchika reached for his cup. Finding the heat infusing his right hand but remaining nothing to his left. Save for the pressure registering in his brain thanks to the prosthetic, the man still couldn't tell you this was a hot cup of tea if it was just left to his left hand, "Dad warned me about getting a different position. He probably figured I could make friends in some other office space."

"You suck at making friends." Smile hidden behind the drink raised to your lips.

He sent an unamused glare your way but that quickly dispersed into a sigh, "I really do don't I."

Setting your tea back down you scooted closer to him on the couch and laid a hand on his thigh. Drawing Nobuchika's gaze to your touch before he tipped his head up to see you already looking at him, "Know that I never meant to leave you. Ever. Latent criminal or not, all I ever thought about was what our life was supposed to be together. And now it's- Well it's this."

Back before the two of you even took the placement and aptitude tests. Before Sibyl judged you both for the correct jobs. Placed you on a path that was supposed to be the perfect one suited for your needs. Before either of you understood anything outside the realm of his divorced parents and your emotionally absent ones. The picture perfect idea of life and family always hung above your heads like a welcome sign to a house.

That house now long abandoned. With the same sign of a happy nuclear family peeling from neglect and change. It would look different to anyone who didn't know what to look for.

"Well..." Nobuchika stopped to list the things he could coming to mind as he looked around the dormitory for the enforcers. Sure they all looked the same but upon closer inspection there was always subtle homey differences to everyone's dorm, "We're together, that's one thing."

Pep talk was almost unheard of from this man. Over three decades later and still he was so terrible at being motivation that it made you smile. Gripping his thigh a little as you looked from the two tea cups on the table, down to Dime snoozing happily and then over the rest of the room, "...we have our own place."

"We cook all our meals together."

"We make the bed together every morning."

"Our commute to work is about as short as it could be."

"Our finances are taken care of jointly."

He stopped and looked down at Dime. Before he knew it though Nobuchika reached out and squeezed the top of your hand before a smile crossed his lips ever so softly staring down at the silly dog unaware of anything going on, "...we have a family that I couldn't be more proud of."

Thinking long ago that the idea of family had been stripped of you the moment you became an enforcer. You'd never hand little cute pictures of ultrasounds or hard artwork tacked up to your fridge. That was out of the question. And if you couldn't provide that for him, then what sort of family could even be called a family out of two enforcers and a dog?

Still as you sat with him on the couch like you did every night. Dime's hair getting grey at the peak of his head. And Nobuchika very much present with you in the moment. There was a glimmer that this was the perfect outcome after all.

"You said that everyone leaves you at some point," You drew up on those words again. This time softer than before. Accented only by the fact you took Nobuchika's hand in yours to bring up to your lips. Kissing his knuckles gingerly before leveraging him closer to you so you could leave the gentle kiss on his lips to match the one on his knuckles, "Know that I have never wanted to leave you. And I never want to leave this." You smiled as Dime got up only enough to rest his head on your thigh expecting a head rub right after you kissed Nobuchika, "Our perfect little family."

#psycho pass #psycho pass x reader #psycho pass ginoza #ginoza x reader #ginoza #ginoza nobuchika smut #ginoza nobuchika #nobuchika ginoza #nobuchika ginoza x reader

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howlinchickhowl · 3 years

Note

howl, sweet, howl. could you please mash-up 41. first kiss & 53. mutual pining for me? i’m tingling already ✨ thank you so much! xx

bee! you maggot museum (affectionate), this is such a tingly lovely sweet one! I might have ruined it with my thoughts...😬

Here are my thoughts:

Say the van kiss never happened. The whole rest of the episode goes as it goes, only Mickey chickens out before kissing Ian and is distracted by being annoyed with himself instead of giddy while they're lifting the grandfather clock and that's the reason he gets shot. DCFS, the sleepover, 3x666, everything is the same except that in this scenario, they've never kissed.

Say Ian never leaves at the end of season 3. He thinks about it. He intends to. He goes to Mickey's house and they have that heartbreaking conversation where Mickey just can't give him what he needs and he packs his bag and he kisses Liam goodbye and he walks out the door. And then he stands on the back stairs smoking cigarette after cigarette and thinking about how much he loves his family and how much he'll miss them and how he doesn't want to die in some fucking desert with people who don't know him without ever seeing Mickey's face again he just doesn't.

So he goes back inside and sits at the kitchen table drinking coffee and wondering if he was wrong about Mickey, if he really never cared about Ian at all, and trying not to cry until Lip comes downstairs and ruffles his hair and tells him he'll be ok.

But he's not ok, he drinks too much and he hangs around in boystown more than he ought and he takes pills when they're offered and starts dancing because it helps with the bills and he likes the way he feels when men watch him and he is flying, falling, living, until eventually, he crashes. Only this time he's still living at home, Fiona and Lip get him to the psychiatrist, get him medicated, he hates it. He loses his job when he can't get out of bed for two weeks and when the meds make him lethargic and sullen and uninterested, and it's pure chance that he happens to slump downstairs into the kitchen the day that Fiona is doing a hell of a self-destruct and manages to stop Liam from getting into the coke. He still feels like hell, he still hates the meds and the way everyone looks at him and the fact of his diagnosis, but it's the fastest he's moved in months and the fear is the strongest thing he's felt since the start of his episode, and knowing he can still feel something, that helps, a little. And Mickey, Mickey's season 4 continues much as we've seen it, dealing with having a wife, and then a son. Hiding in bathrooms and trying to be someone he's not, getting too drunk and asking too obvious questions and worrying, all the time about Ian, who he gets news about from Mandy and who he can't go to, can't be with, can't help, even though he's only three streets away. It tortures him.

A year goes by, two. They see each other around the neighbourhood, at the Alibi. Ian starts seeing someone, starts studying to become an EMT. Mickey gets by with Svetlana, comes to some sort of peace with the baby, and during the months when Terry is inside it's not so bad. Sure he feels hollow, and his chest hurts basically always and he has to clench his jaw to stop himself from crying a little bit every time he sees Ian out on the street, or at the store. He drinks too much. Does a lot of shit with his brothers. They beat the shit out of Kenyatta (I know he's a hundred foot tall but there's three of them and they get Jamie and Joey in on it and this is my story so I say they could take him) and Mandy doesn't leave. She hates them for it a bit, but ultimately she's glad.

She hangs out with Ian a lot, he breaks up with the guy he's seeing and they hang out together, strategically avoiding each other's homes when certain older brothers are going to be around. They don't talk about Mickey, but Mandy always makes sure he'll be out if ever Ian is coming around. She's there when Ian spins up, there when he is forced to go home from work, and she worries about him, helps him. They help each other. Sometimes he asks her how Mickey's doing and she'll lie and say he's doing fine, and Ian's glad, even though it hurts, he wants Mickey to be ok.

Lip gets out of rehab and hooks up with Brad, gets his job at Born Free, and one way or another, Mickey ends up working there too. (Again, kids, my story, my rules) and Ian and Mickey realise they can't avoid each other like they have been, if Ian ever wants to meet Lip from work or Mickey ever wants to be able to go home without checking with Mandy first, they have to find a way to be around each other.

And so we find ourselves, several years later, in a polite holding pattern of civil exchanges and unsubtle enquiries to siblings about the other's wellbeing and longing glances over beer bottles and pool cues. Monica dies, and during the wake when Ian slips outside to smoke on the back steps, Mickey is out there in the yard, debating whether or not to go in, to text Ian, to do anything. They sit on the steps and share a cigarette, talk about Monica, about Ian, about Terry, about them.

They're older now, they both have a little more perspective, they apologise to each other, forgive each other, they understand each other. They miss each other. Ian's mom is dead, and it's not like he's ready at that moment to have a Big Conversation about Love or their Relationship, but it feels good, to talk to Mickey again, to be honest with him and have Mickey be honest in return, to have Mickey look at him, openly, like he never would before.

So when they've finished their cigarette and it seems like the conversation has come to its natural end, he leans over, so slowly, and tilts Mickey's head to his with gentle fingers on his chin, and puts his lips to Mickey's for the first time. It's just a few seconds of contact, dry and warm and soft, and when he pulls back they are both smiling, and he feels like tomorrow might be a good day.

Send me two tropes and I'll tell you what kind of story I would write

#i maybe actually just wrote this one it got super long 😬#howlin atcha #🐝👁#bee bee bee thou mangy feline!#trope mashup #my writing #fic #my fic #bee I feel like this was maybe not what you were hoping for!#because usually mutual pining is like #the love is requited but no one knows #but this just spoke to me #I hope it still gives you the tinglys even though it is perhaps a bit more sadder than expected

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justnerdthings · 3 years

Text

New Beginnings Ch.2

Female Reader x Liu Kang/Kung Lao (Not sure which yet)

Note: Chapter 2. Friend said last one was good. So have another. >w<

Raiden had introduced himself properly and explained Mortal Kombat to you. You were at a complete loss. You hadn’t believed any of it at first, but Raiden had made it clear that this was not a dream or trick. The man shot lightning out of his hand! You were convinced. This was real. It had to be. You weren’t creative enough to dream this up. He was a god.

You were still in shock as Liu led you through the hallways again, this time avoiding any views of the outside. You were lost in your own mind until he stopped at a door. Again, a very simple door.

“This is your room,” He told you, eyes searching you again as he opened the door and gestured for you to take a look.

The room was small and very modest. A simple bed was pushed against a wall. A small wooden table and chair was pushed against the other side. Another doorway led to a small bathroom that, thankfully, had a modern-enough sink and toilet. It would do for one night at least.

“Will you stay and fight Shang Tsung?” Liu asked gently, feeling you out. Raiden had admitted that you didn’t need to help them. Raiden would not force you. But Raiden did say it was your duty. The dragon mark on your left shoulder blade was proof.

Funny. People always did say your birthmark looked like a dragon.

But would you stay? You weren’t sure. This was so much to take in. Why you? You had no experience fighting. You once punched a bully in grade school, but that was it!

You sighed and combed your fingers through your hair. “I don’t know,” You answered. Obviously it wasn’t the answer Liu had hoped for. “I just… This is crazy.”

He nodded. “I understand,” He said, sincerity in his voice. “It’s your decision.”

You turned and looked at him standing in the doorway. “You do understand, don’t you?”

He lifted a brow curiously. “Yes. I felt similar when I was told of Mortal Kombat as well.”

“When was that?”

He thought for a moment. “A little over ten years now.”

“Ten years? You’ve been training here for ten years?”

“Here? Yes. But I grew up in a shaolin monastery. I’ve been training most of my life.”

So he was a monk. Now his behavior made sense. “Did you get taken here out of the blue too?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I defeated a child trafficker and gained his mark. I unlocked my arcana soon after. Lord Raiden found me then. I’ve been here ever since.”

“You never left? At all? Not even to visit family?”

“Oh, yes. I am free to come and go as I please. I often leave to run errands for Lord Raiden.”

“Errands?”

“Yes.”

“Like eggs and milk errands?”

He laughed and shook his head. “To find people and information mostly.”

“Oh.” You weren’t sure what to say to that.

“Does this help you decide if you will stay?”

“I think I just need some time to digest this,” You admitted.

He nodded again. “Speaking of digesting,” He spoke, “Would you like some dinner?”

Oh, god, yes, you thought. You still had no idea when the last time you ate was. A day? Two? Raiden said you were passed out for quite some time. “Yes.” You nodded. “Please.”

Liu smiled again. You liked his smile. It was genuine. Kind. Sincere. He stepped back out of the doorway, allowing you to step out of the room.

You were led into a large room filled with fur rugs and handmade cushions. A low table was placed in the center and another man was already seated and eating. He looked up as Liu led you over.

“Brother, this is Y/N,” Liu introduced you. “She has the mark,” Liu told him as he sat across from him at the table.

“Hello.” You hesitated. This guy had a different energy about him. Or maybe it was just your anxiety. He, you, and Liu were all about the same age. And he, like Liu, was attractive. He probably had a nice ass too.

You weren’t sure if you imagined it or not, but Raiden’s laugh echoed in your mind. Averting your eyes, you lowered yourself next to Liu.

“You don’t look like a fighter,” the man said with a mouth full. His eyes were looking you up and down critically.

“Don’t be rude,” Liu chided as he watched.

The man glanced to Liu as he swallowed his food, then looked back to you. “My name is Kung Lao,” He introduced. “Descendant of the Great Kung Lao.” He was proud of himself.

“Oh…” Was he a prince or something?

“You have no idea who that is, do you?” Kung Lao accused, pointing his chopsticks at you.

A small shrug tugged up your shoulders as you shook your head slowly.

Lao grinned and shook his own head as he looked to Liu. He stopped once he noticed his brother’s disapproval. “So what do you do, Y/N?” he asked as he looked back to you. The way he said your name didn’t bring you much comfort in his presence.

As you stared at him, trying to think of how to answer him, he’d bitten into an egg roll while keeping eye contact with you. “Um… Not really anything, I guess,” you said, nerves starting to get the best of you. This guy was more intimidating than Raiden was.

“Nothing?” Lao asked. “You must do something. You’re breathing right now. That’s something.”

“Lao…” Liu warned and passed you a bowl of rice.

You took the bowl with a small, awkward smile to Liu and began to make your plate. Maybe if you just didn’t look at Kung Lao, you wouldn’t feel so judged. “Well, I’ve been a nurse for the past seven years… But it’s hardly anything to talk about. I just work at a small office. Nothing ever really happens there.”

“That’s an honorable career,” Liu said as he began to eat.

“If nothing happens there, why do you stay? Seems boring,” Lao commented.

“I kinda like boring,” You admitted. “I uh… I used to have real bad anxiety as a kid. Boring is comfortable. Routine.”

“Anxiety?” Lao asked.

“Yeah. It uh… It got so bad that eventually I was scared to leave the house.”

“That’s awful,” Liu said with a frown.

You nodded. It was always hard to talk about your anxiety. But Liu seemed mindful enough to not tease you or make you feel like an idiot. “Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and went to see a doctor. They put me on medication for it. I was a new person after I got used to the meds. Felt like I could breathe again.”

“What made you so anxious that you would be afraid of leaving your house?” Lao asked, harsher in his words. What did you have to worry about compared to him.

“I don’t really know,” you admitted. “I was always teased as a kid. I was the weird kid. Didn’t have a lot of friends.”

“Childhood trauma?” Liu asked.

“Maybe?” You shrugged, not sure. You never really tried to get to the bottom of it.

“Is that where your fear of heights comes from?” Liu asked.

That one you did know. You gave a small laugh as you straightened up a bit. “No. That was me falling out of a tree as a kid.”

“Did you hurt yourself?” Liu asked.

You shook your head. “No. Just some scrapes and bumps. It just kinda stuck with me after that though. Never climbed another tree.”

“Well, at least you weren’t harmed,” Liu said as he ate.

“If you didn’t get hurt, then why were you so scared to climb another tree?” Lao asked.

“I don’t know. Guess it’s one of those weird things that happens when you’re a kid,” You told him.

“You have bigger things to worry about now, than falling from trees,” Lao pressed.

You stared at your plate of food. Lao was right. Scared of climbing trees sure did sound stupid now that you knew about Mortal Kombat. Weird, the idea of Mortal Kombat didn’t freak you out as much as climbing a tree. “Anxiety doesn’t ever really make sense,” You told Lao. “I used to be perfectly fine one minute, then crying and convinced I was about to die the next.”

“Were you being attacked?” Lao asked.

“Not by a person,” You answered.

“Animal?” Liu chimed in, curious.

You shook your head. “Anxiety.”

Lao just stared at you. It didn’t make any sense to him.

Liu was more curious than confused. “So your own mind was attacking you,” he concluded after a moment of thought.

You nodded. “Yeah.” You moved some food around your plate idly. “I know. It makes me sound crazy. But it hasn’t happened in years.”

“Because of the medicine the doctor gave you,” Liu concluded again.

“Right,” you answered.

“So, let me get this straight,” Lao began. “A nervous wreck of a person, who is scared of climbing trees, and has no formal training to fight, has the dragon mark?”

“Yeah, I’m kinda lost on that too,” you admitted.

Lao looked to Liu in disbelief. “Is Lord Raiden out of his mind?”

“I’m sure he knows something we don’t,” Lui told him.

“Mortal Kombat is only a few years away. She won’t be ready!” Lao exclaimed in annoyance.

“We’ll just have to do our best,” Liu answered and lifted some rice to his mouth.

“She’ll have to train every hour, every day, to be even remotely decent,” Lao said.

“Lord Raiden knows what’s best,” Liu said.

“Lord Raiden’s out of his damn mind!” Lao shouted.

You’d gotten used to people talking about you as if you weren’t there when you were a kid. But it hadn’t happened much since then. You set your chopsticks down. “Look, I don’t know if I ever could be ready for Mortal Kombat. I don’t know if I’ll even try. But do you really think it’s a good idea to talk that way about guy who literally shoots lightning out of his hands? And another thing, I am not a nervous wreck of a person!” You looked right at Kung Lao, clearly unamused.

Lao just looked at you, at a loss for words, for what seemed like forever. It was really only a few seconds before he looked to Liu and grinned.

Liu was already grinning, looking at his food.

With a huff, you pushed away from the table. “Sorry, Liu. I think I lost my appetite,” you said, annoyed… Doubting yourself… Still hungry, but you’d had enough of Lao.

Liu looked over with concern as you stood. He set his bowl down and stood with you. He was going to try and convince you to stay, but decided against it. “Would you like me to walk you back to your room?” He asked kindly.

You’d get lost if you didn’t have help. You nodded and turned for the door.

Lao was still grinning as he continued his meal.

Liu quickly joined you in the hallway. “Y/N,” He spoke carefully. “I apologize for Lao’s behavior. He’s not usually like that.”

You sucked in a stiff breath. You shook your head. “No. It’s okay. He’s right. I have no business being here.”

“Don’t let him scare you away. Lord Raiden believes you’re worthy. That’s enough for me. Lao will come around,” Liu said as he began to lead you down the hall.

Maybe. Maybe Raiden did know something you didn’t yet. “The monk I met when I woke up… Feng, I think. He said something about my arcana saving me.”

Liu looked at you, then nodded. “I heard about that. I don’t know the details though…”

“I don’t even remember doing anything,” You said.

After leaving you at your room, Liu returned to Lao. He sat back at the table. Looking to a still grinning Lao. He returned it.

“She has a fire in her,” Lao said.

“She does.” Liu agreed.

“I heard she passed your test,” Lao inquired.

Liu, glancing to him, sipped from his tea, then nodded. “Five times.”

Lao was surprised to hear that. He figured you’d only make it once if at all.

“It took some coaching the first couple times, but by the fourth one she was doing it on her own,” Liu explained.

“Impressive. If her anxiety is as bad as she said, she manages it well,” Lao said.

Liu nodded again. “How much of it was the medicine, I wonder.”

Lao had almost forgot. “Ah. That may be an issue.”

“Withdrawal from it may prove difficult.”

“Meditation training is first on your list,” Lao suspected. He knew how Liu thought.

Liu nodded. “How about yours. Did she pass your test?”

“I would have liked to see more, but it's a start,” Lao answered with a nod.

“You may get your wish if you keep up that act of yours,” Liu said.

“Oh, I intend to.” Lao smirked.

"Don't scare her away," Liu warned.

"She'll stay," Lao said with his mouth full. "She faced her fear five times. She's determined. And a nurse?" He nodded as he took another bite. "She commits herself to helping."

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 2021 #liu kang #kung lao #raiden #reader insert #fanfic #fic #reader x character #ludi lin #max huang #tadanobu asano #new beginnings

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

Text

Change of Heart

Pairing : Taehyung x OC

[ Summary :

Times are changing.

After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all…..

He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first. ]

Pairing : Taehyung x OC

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : None. ( Some mild violence but mostly off screen )

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

Chapter 4

The Preserve had originally been an isolated island about 50 miles off the coast of the mainland. Over the decades, the land had been expanded with man made floats serving to support the extra buildings and complexes that cropped up to cater to the small human population that stuck around to help out.

The wolves still kept to the interiors, most of them having built huge cottage-villas which could house the entire pack, territories marked out clearly to avoid disputes. A few of the very traditional ones lived on the huge mountains that lined the northern end, opting to stay in their wolf-forms most of the time.

The island itself was beautiful, rich vegetation , a thriving fauna and a landscape that was lined with beautifully stark cliffs up high and private little coves and beaches scattered below.

Taehyung and his daughter lived on a beautiful beach side villa, which had its own vegetable garden , a staff of over 8 to take care of everything, a private jetty for trips to the mainland and a helipad/ airstrip.

True to his word, Taehyung did not stay around most days. He was busy with his campaign and I spent the first week recovering. The doctor visited everyday and by the end of the week, most of the internal injuries were healing well, the pain well managed with meds.

Luna had moved into my room, pretty much and I spent the days with her curled into my side, reading from her favorite books, stopping when she encountered a particularly difficult word, ebony eyes turning to mine for help. We read countless books, and she introduced me to all her best friends : Mr. Ted the bear, Kihyun the bunny and Momo the panda. The stuffed animals had a small baby carrier of their own and she liked carting them all around the house.

“She was really pretty. Mama....” Luna whispered one night, as we lay curled on the window seat in my room, a fur throw covering us up as we stared out into the rocky beach far below.

I felt my heart lurch in shared grief.

“Was she? What else do you remember about her....?” I asked softly.

“Her scent. “ Luna said quickly. “ She smelled just like you. Like home and fresh cookies with sugar sprinkles. And rainy puddles you can jump in.”

I bit my lips, mindful that Luna was just listing her favorite things. I didn’t know much about how weres scented other weres or humans. But i supposed it made sense that her mother’s scent should remind her of things that offered her comfort and joy.

But her next words threw me for a loop.

“Daddy didn’t like her much....” She said suddenly and I felt my throat close up .

“Oh-Oh?” I was genuinely shocked. Taehyung had looked devastated when he had told me about his wife’s passing....

Luna shook her head.

“My friend from school, Mina? Her mommy’s still alive and her daddy likes her. They kiss and stay in the same room. Mommy and Daddy never kissed. Mommy lived on the east wing.... That’s on the other side. Near the rose gardens.”

I bit my lips, feeling incredibly guilty for some reason. This information felt somehow private and not for stranger’s ears. I didn’t want Luna to get into trouble for saying this to me .

“I miss her sometimes. I’m glad you’re here.” She sniffled and i felt my heart crack in two. The girl was replacing her mom with me, I thought miserably. I couldn’t in good conscience let this happen.

But as the days stretched into weeks, with Taehyung out and busy most of the time, i couldn’t bring myself to leave. Luna did appear to be calmer, more grounded and happier with me around. She liked staying close to me, at touching distance and she often buried her nose into my neck, sniffing till I had to gently pry her off.

Although, absent physically, Taehyung called every day. He facetimed his daughter twice at least and I got a call every night at exactly nine. It was usually curt and formal but he did tell me what he was upto.

“The elections are coming up soon.... I need to work a bit more on the immediate reforms we’re planning to launch...I won’t be available this week, Luna’s keeping well?”

“Yes, she is. We made a modern recreation of red riding hood and the wolf today with play dough.”

Silence.

“Interesting choice of fairy tale, Mi Rae ssi...” He drawled.

I flushed at how my name sounded in that voice.

“It’s a bit different plot wise. In this case, the granny is just a meanie who likes to order Red about and the wolf is the one who rescues her.” I grinned.

He chuckled amicably.

“Bit of a stretch , that. But I’m glad you’re happy. I didn’t want to pressure you too much and i know its asking way too much of you . But Ms. Lee says that Luna is happier than she’s ever been and I do believe you’re the one I have to thank for that. “

I bit my lips. I wanted to tell him that Luna was getting way too attached. That I was afraid of what would happen when it was time for me to leave, but already i could hear voices in the background, people calling for his attention and I remembered that he was doing something important.

He was trying to build a better world for his little girl.

In the long run, all of this would be for Luna’s benefit only.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

it had been nearly a month since I’d last seen Taehyung . A whole three months since I’d moved into his villa. My paycheck as a nanny was three times what I was paid as a lab tech. But I hadn’t stopped working at the research facility either. I spent the days there, when Luna was busy with her school work . The vaccine had been successful but somehow, my father’s company had pulled some sort of nonsense with the patenting and not everyone had got the shorts.

I stared out into the murky blue waters as they crashed into the jagged black rocks that lined the private beach. The huge bay windows in the living space offered an unfettered view of the rocky beach.

Next to me, Luna was pretty much bouncing around, trying to find all her beach day toys. I watched her fondly, feeling something squeeze my heart when I thought about not seeing her again. The elections were done, the results were due any day now and Taehyung had already told me that he was looking to end this arrangement soon.

Luna had a mind like no other. A vibrantly curious child with the most incredible questions, it was clear that she adored her father more than anything else in the world. In the evenings, she liked to play near the small water inlet that fed into the Ocean. The water was shallow, barely an inch or so deep, the terrain covered in small smooth pebbles in every shade of brown of grey.

Luna and I spent most of the weekends exploring the small beach around the villa, foraging around in the coves while her caregiver watched me covertly from a distance. She clearly didn’t trust me much, but I tried not to let it get to me.

I wasn’t here to stay. Taehyung had sent me a mail the previous week, letting me know that I was no longer had to babysit, because he was planning to move to Seoul himself. He would be renting out a condominium there and hiring a full time nanny.

And that was fine. it wasn’t like i hadn’t seen that coming. I had a life of my own and i had to get back to it. My cottage near the research facility was fixed now and I was looking forward to getting back to my life, no matter how much it hurt to leave Luna behind.

I was a little upset that he had sent an impersonal mail to me instead of talking to me in person. Or maybe spoken about it over the phone at least. But I knew that he was just trying to make it easier for me to cut all ties.

Okay, fine, maybe I was a little bit bitter that Taehyung hadn’t even offered to hire me to take care of Luna . I wasn’t qualified , yes, but so far Luna had been a dream to stay with. She was so inquisitive and bright, so full of sunshine and happiness.

After three months of her unconditional love for me, the idea of not coming home to her vibrant laugh and endless giggles, it just felt so painful.

“Rae Rae, let’s gooooo....” Her voice broke me out of my thoughts . Despite endless protests from Ms. Lee, Luna insisted on calling me Rae Rae and I found it adorable.

I jumped a little, hastily moving to grab the sunscreen, the hat and gloves. While Luna did heal quickly courtesy her wolf-y genes, she was also incredibly prone to sunburn. The first few times, she had promptly shifted into her wolf form when i tried to put it on her, snipping my fingers angrily. The chemical was supposed to be unscented but her sensitive nose had clearly picked it up anyway.

It took a lot of bribing with delicious meat patties and steak bites, for the girl to shift back and let me apply it on her.

But now she was comfortable with letting me apply it on her when we went to the beach.

She picked up her backpack, a baby blue fur lined affair with twin bunny ears near the handle , and the small tote bag full of her collection of seashells and skipped out of the room happily. I finished packing the rest of her beach stuff : towels, napkins, hair pins and a change of clothes just in case.

We were just climbing down the huge stairwell, when Taehyung’s voice rang through the foyer, startling me badly. i hadn’t seen him in a long time and against my better judgement I almost half ran back to put some make up on at least. I probably looked like an ogre with smeared sunscreen and my hair uncombed and in a bun.

“Lu - Lu? Baby???” He called out, his deep voice pretty much reverberating off the walls .

“DAAAADAAAAAA”

I watched her almost tumble headlong the stairs in her rush to get into her father’s arms and I hung back, letting them have their reunion.

I waited till Taehyung called out for me, before moving to greet him as well.

The first thing that stuck me was how incredibly handsome he looked, hair now fully black, swept straight back from his forehead. He was dressed in skinny jeans and a loose black shirt, buttons undone to show the lines of his pecs and a pair of dangly earrings caught the light as he turned to stare at me.

“Mi Rae ssi....i see you’re all ready for Beach day?” He grinned softly.

There was something radiant about him, a definite lack of anxiety. He looked relaxed almost.

“You won?” i blurted out. “ You won didn’t you?”

Taehyung’s eyes glinted .

“Its not officially announced yet, but yes, the Commission called me today . They think I’ve won by a landslide.

Before I could rethink my impulse, I flung myself into his arms, genuinely thrilled beyond belief.

“RThat’s so incredible, Taehyung ssi...i’m so happy for you and-”

“Tae? Should I get the other suitcase?”

The female voice made me jolt, and I pulled away, arm still arapped around his neck, intensely aware of his hands on my waist.

Three feet away from us , stood an incredibly beautiful young woman. She was almost as tall as Tae, probably the same age as him and her eyes flashed red when she looked at me.

I flinched, stepping back like i’d been scalded.

“Just leave it sweetheart, one of my men will get it. Come meet my little girl.” Taehyung said casually, shooting me one brief intense look of.....anger? annoyance? I couldn’t figure it out.

Sweetheart? did he just call her-

Luna had shuffled to hide behind my legs now, her fingers gripping my waist as she refused to greet the newcomer.

“Luna, this is Ms Jihyun. She’s a very good friend of mine.”

Jihyun dropped to her knees, eyes flashing red again as she smiled a tight lipped smile.

“Hello, Luna. How are you doing?” She said seriously. Luna’s grip on me tightened.

“She’s a little shy.” I choked out, trying to tamp down the rising sense of heartbreak. No. i had actively fought against feeling this way. Every night here, I had told myself that I would not think about Kim Taehyung. Admiring him for what he did , for how hard he worked for his kind....that was one thing ....but this. This was madness.

Taehyung reached out around me to lift Luna up into her arms.

“How about we go to the beach with Jihyun and Ms Lee today?” He said casually, holding his hand out to me.

I almost did something stupid, like press my hand into his before realizing that he was asking for the bag i had over my shoulders. Wordlessly, I handed it over.

“I want to go with Rae Rae....” Luna said sharply, lips jutting out in a petulant little pout.

“Well, Appa and Ms. Rae need to talk about something and once we’re done, I’ll join you there okay?” He ruffled her hair softly and then gently placed her back down.

Luna gave me an imploring look.

“Are you leaving me?” Her lips wobbled.

I shook my head instinctively.

“Of course not baby, I’ll be right there. Just a few minutes, okay? Don't forget your sunscreen.” I smiled and Luna pouted again but moved to Ms. Lee’s side hesitantly.

Taehyung waited till the three of them began leaving before turning to me.

“Thank you.” He said quietly , gaze moving to me with the same intensity, and this time I knew what he was doing. He was trying to gauge what I was thinking and I remembered, weakly that Alpha wolves could sometimes sense moods, changes in a person’s body temperatures and things like that. It wasn’t like mind reading or anything but a perceptive enough werewolf could definitely guess what kind of mood someone was in.

I fought to keep my face neutral. There wasn’t much I could do about how clammy and cold my entire body had gone after meeting Jihyun. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to guess why I didn’t l;ike Jihyun there.

“It’s not you.” He said gently.

I swallowed.

“Sorry?”

“You’re beautiful. If we were.... the same kind of people.....I wouldn’t be saying this. But because of who we are.... I’m going to say it. It’s not a good idea.” He whispered.

I flushed, feeling like my entire body had been dipped in ice cold water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said evenly.

He hummed.

“If you leave today, there’s a job waiting for you in the Research Center. It’s a level up from what you’re doing right now. I’ve asked them to put up extra security around your cabin and I’ve talked with the wolves here. No one will come anywhere near you. “

I nodded bleakly.

“Thank you.” I said quietly.

“You’re going to forget me and Luna in a few weeks. And I would rather that things end now, before Luna becomes more attached.”

I nodded.

“Can i talk to her before I leave?” I asked softly.

He hesitated.

“I don’t.... I mean, I would rather not have Jihyun be present for that. She’s.... well she’s someone I’m getting to know and she may feel -”

I wanted to kick myself in the face for ever having agreed to this whole thing.

“I understand. I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get the rest of my stuff and to say goodbye to Luna.” I said shortly.

Before he could reply, I brushed past him and ran up to my room. I had to get out of here as soon as I could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna cried inconsolably and I was eternally grateful that no one else was there when I carefully unpacked the huge carton of snacks and toys , I’d packed for her. Taehyung had made things a little easier, by telling Luna that it wasn’t me who was leaving but it would be them. They were going to a new place so they would be leaving me behind because I had stuff to do here.

“I’m not going to be gone completely. I’m going to come visit you as often as I can alright and look....” I pulled out the small phone I’d brought her.

She stopped sniffling and held her hand out. I placed the flip phone in her hands.

“Theres just two numbers there. See the picture of the wolf? Thats daddy..... And see the one with the flower.....that’s me. If you want to talk to either of us, all you need to do is press this button.”

Luna hesitated.

“Daddy said, I can’t have any phones.” She said hesitantly. What a wonderful child, i thought fondly.

“Yes, but this isn’t the kind of phone that could hurt your eyes. It’s just a talking phone. Besides, your daddy already knows and he’s okay with it.” I smiled.

She nodded, turning the little device over and over in her hands.

“Daddy say’s we’re going to the city. Why don’t you want to come?” She said angrily and i sighed.

“Its not that I don’t want to come, baby. It’s just that my home is here. I help take care of the little pups here remember? Some of them get sick and I help make them better....” I smiled, ruffling her hair.

She nodded.

“Good girl...Now how about we go see the sandcastle you built yesterday...? See if it’s still there?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life went on and I found myself busy enough to not dwell on Taehyung too much. The vaccines were rolling out much faster now and most of the cases were milder . i spent the days in the research center and went home to my cozy cabin. Taehyung had been true to his word an an electric fence ran around the perimeter , twelve feet tall . A security guard stayed near the gate at all times, a beta werewolf named Minjun.

Two weeks after Taehyung had moved out of the island, a distraction arrived in the form of one Jeon Jungkook . He was a year younger than me and finishing his internship before becoming a radiologist. He was smart , handsome and an alpha wolf with a deceptively cute bunny like smile.

Jungkook liked following me around when we had free time and I found his incessant noona , noona...endearing. But I was also not an idiot.

Jungkook was looking for a fuck buddy and I was convenient. The only female in the research center. Werewolves didn’t do one night stands with each other, because being intimate always left a scent and it would make things messy. So weres generally went to humans for no strings attached sex.

It wasn’t that I minded , but a part of me was terrified i would do something stupid. Like call him Taehyung in the middle of us fucking.

But of course, stupid decisions were my forte.

So I did end up sleeping with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, you look miserable.” Jimin commented mildly, as I stumbled forward to the counter. I hadn’t slept much the previous night and had nearly missed the ferry to the mainland in the morning.

“I’m fine oppa. Just frazzled. Give me something strong but sweet...” I begged, riffling through my bag for my wallet. Outside, the rain poured in torrents. I was still dripping water from my hair and my jacket, although I’d been out of the rain for a whole five minutes.

“Taehyung’s been asking about you....Why don’t you pick his calls?” Jimin said casually and I flinched.

“I did pick his calls. a couple of times....” I muttered .

That had been a whole experience. Taehyung had called me two weeks back, frothing at the mouth about something.

Apparently, Ji Hyun the lovely girlfriend that Kim Taehyung like flaunting all over town, was also the older sister on one Jeon Jungkook. And because we had had sex the previous night, Jungkook had smelled like me when he visited Taehyung and Ji hyun. Even Luna had picked up on the scent.

How on earth was i supposed to know?

Taehyung had been so furious that I’d hung up the phone midway through.

“And, what happened?”

I shrugged.

“And then I got busy. Why? I’ve been talking to Luna... I even met her a couple of times. It’s not like I have any other reason to talk to him.... “ I protested.

Jimin hummed.

“He’s still seeing that model. Jeon Ji hyun? I heard her brother works in the Research center?” Jimin raised an eyebrow, sliding my drink across the counter. I stepped out of the line but stayed near the counter, staring at him. Damn it. Had Taehyung actually told Jimin about it?

“Jungkook? Yeah. He’s a doctor... He’s doing his MD , radiology and he’s here for exposure , apparently...”

“Alpha?” Jimin continued flitting about, making orders but his tone held a note of sympathy.

I shrugged.

“Yeah, he is. But we don’t talk much. We went out one night but then he’s been aloof ever since.” I shrugged again hoping that Jimin was buying my nonchalant act. i still didn’t know how much he knew.

Jungkook was a nice guy and I was a little peeved that he didn’t seem to want anything more than a friends with benefits thing. But that had less to do with him and more to do with the fact that men, in general, never seemed to consider me as a potential girlfriend.

But then, the poor guy was in probably the most crucial part of his education. Relationships were probably the farthest thing from his mind.

Jimin stopped when the last customer in the line left. He stared at me.

“Taehyung told me Luna called you one morning and Jungkook picked the phone.”

I froze.

“What?!” I hissed, completely thrown. This, I hadn’t known.

“You went out? With Jungkook? And he stayed over , I’m guessing....I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you guys did not play Jenga all night?” He glared at me. I flushed.

“Fine. We slept together. We are sleeping together....its just consensual sex between two willing parties, . It’s no big deal.” I said flippantly.

“You don’t think that’s why Taehyung has been calling you? That’s his potential brother in law right there. It’s too messy. I think you should stop. ” He frowned.

I rolled my eyes.

“Listen it has nothing to do with me. I’m not going to marry Jungkook okay? I’m not going to be calling Taehyung my brother in law either. Its not going to happen. i just had this...stupid king of crush on him and he knew about it. He turned me down too, did he tell you that. He told me him and I were too different.... meaning I wasn’t a were so he wouldn’t consider being with someone like me. ”

Jimin groaned.

“you know why he feels that way. Don’t make this about you. It’s not personal.”

“Then why is it spilling into my personal life? I have no obligation to him. I can sleep with who I want.....”

Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Taehyung’s a were. He’s not going to see it that way.”

“Well, I don’t give a damn how he sees it, I’m having sex with a handsome young man who is attracted to me. That’s a good time, right there and I’m not going to stop having a good time just because it offends Taehyung’s delicate sensibilities.” I snapped.

Jimin shrugged.

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I went back to my cabin that evening, I found Minjun missing from his usual place near the gate. The gate was still locked so I didn’t think too much about it, merely slotting the rusty old key into the huge lock and prying it open.

I made my way to the door, opening it carefully.

i nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw who was there.

“what the- Seo Joon?” I said in disbelief, stumbling back when the tall alpha stumbled to his feet from where he was lounging on the couch.

“Well, look who’s here....if it isn’t the slutty little bitch who wants to sleep her way through every were on the island....First Taehyung and now Jungkook.....you sure know who to pick, huh.....? All powerful, influential wolves..... “ He slurred.

I stared at him. This wasn’t good. I turned on my heel, ready to run back out but he was faster than me. I groaned when he slammed into my back pinning me to the door with so much force that the wood splintered,.

While my bruised ribs had healed, they still hurt a bit. And the force of his actions left my mind reeling from the pain.

“Get off me!! “ I screamed, “ MINJUN!!!!! MINJUN HELP!!!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHORING BITCH!!!”

He slapped me right across the face, the strength of it sending me crashing into the side table. I whimpered as I tried to get on my feet, fingers fumbling for my phone .

“it was you wasn’t it? I was supposed to be the deputy minister.... Taehyung’s supposed to be my fucking friend. instead i got fired like some lowly runt ...... It was you wasn’t it? you convinced him that humans are our fucking friends....”

I shook my head, frantic.

“No...i swear I’ve not spoken to Taehyung...i didn’t say anything... Seo Joon please don’t...” I screamed when he reached down and grabbed my hair, yanking me to my feet till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“Maybe I should fuck you too....since that's the thing people seem to be doing these days....Its because of your father isn’t it? That bastard has been all over the news, talking these past few weeks about how his precious daughter is doing a lot of work for the welfare of wolves....Maybe I should fuck his daughter too.... ” He began, reaching for my blouse.

I barely registered the nonsense about my father before a loud sound broke through the din.

The door swung open and the sound of gunfire made me scream.

I stared at the door only to see the security guard staring at us with wide eyes.

Minjun , panicked and completely overwhelmed , had blindly opened fire on both of us.

I felt the touch of the bullet to my shoulder, before the blinding explosion of pain.

But he seemed to have hit Seo Joon as well, enough times for the were to let go of me and I crashed to floor, clutching my shoulder in agony.

The sound of gunfire had attracted more people and through the throng I heard Jungkook’s voice.

“Noona.... Mirae noona is that you----???”

“Kookie!!” I croaked out desperately. Jungkook’s eyes went wide when he saw, me, pushing his way past the other wolves before letting out a snarl. The sound seemed to make the others cower and I remembered that he was an alpha too.

I gripped his arms when he reached me.

“Don’t tell Taehyung...” I gasped out, still clutching my shoulder.

“God, what the fuck.... We need to get you out of here...” He was already dialing for the ambulance. I waited for him to finish, gasping from the pain. Fuck, it hurt like hell.

“We’re going to get you to the research center first.” Jungkook said frantically.

I nodded, stumbling to my feet when he tried to lift me up.

“It’s okay...just...get me something to …” But he was already peeling off his shirt, wadding up to press against the bleeding bullet hole .

“Hyung is going to kill Seo Joon.” He said grimly.

For once, I didn’t particularly care.

My mind raced because I hadn’t thought about my father in years.

What did that tyrant want with me now??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Me trying to finish all my fics and not lose my mind in the process :’(

#taehyung #taehyung fics #taehyung sm #taehyung fanfic #bts smut #bts fics #taehyung smut #taehyung au #taehyung x y/n #bts x oc #bts werewolf au #taehyung werewolf au

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imaginesmai · 4 years

Text

Arvin Russell - Bad feeling

Requested by an anon, here it goes! I tried my best, hope you like ❤ Third time I post this, I swear I’m gonna burn Tumblr

Plot: Arvin is worried about Lenora, so he goes to you for advice. You don’t get too far before tragedy strikes the Russell house.

Warnings: SPOILERS OF TDATT, IF YOU DON’T THEM STOP READING THE WARNINGS AND THE FIC, that scene of Lenora’s death.

“So it’s just – throwing up? Nothing else?”

Arvin shook his head as he hid his hands in his denim jacket’s pockets. Looking around as if someone would suddenly pop out of the bushes, he confirmed that Lenora was just throwing up and complaining about feeling a bit bad at the stomach. You knew he hoped you could tell him the solution, even if you hadn’t seen the girl since she started feeling sick. No one had, because she had started feeling that way just before church, and Arvin had been the only one talking with her.

With the vague explanation he was giving you, you had a bunch of possibilities. Being the doctor’s daughter had its good things, like you could help as much as your father. You hadn’t gone to school, as your father had home-schooled you since you were four. So it was normal that Arvin had come to you about the problem with his step sister, who was his whole world and happiness.

“I don’t know, Arv. It could be a stomach bug, or maybe she’s coming down with the flu” you gave him a small smile, trying to cheer him up. “From what you’re saying it’s probably nothing, don’t worry”

“Nah, it’s somethin’. She’s been acting all strange lately, and she don’t wanna tell me bout it” Arvin scoffed.

“Maybe she found out what happened with those boys, and is processing it”

A laughing kid passed by running, followed by her older sister and his cousin. Arvin stood quiet until they were far away. He was trying to keep his voice down, because he didn’t want the whole town knowing about Lenora. The small graveyard before starting the Sunday’s mass wasn’t the best place to avoid it, but he couldn’t wait no longer.

“She already knows, it’s not that”

“Arvin” you placed a gentle hand on his chin, meeting his worried eyes. “I’m sure it’s just some teenage drama. Do you want me to visit her after the lecture?”

“Your daddy won’ mind?”

To erase his doubts, you briefly pressed your lips against his, and he finally relaxed. Everyone ran to the church a moment after, the preacher finally appearing. Grabbing his hand, you dragged him with you into the temple, choosing a bench in the end since the one his family had chosen was already full.

You didn’t have to look at him to know that he was over worrying things. Not only because he couldn’t stand the sight of the preacher because of what he did to his grandma, but because it didn’t matter how many times you assured him how Lenora was fine; he would still worry, that was who he was.

Arvin Russell and you met when you were just kids, kids who didn’t have many friends. You were well known for everyone, but couldn’t say a word without stuttering and only your father had enough patience to listen to what you had to say. Arvin was new to Knockemstiff, his parents dead. He was a shy boy too, who only talked with his step sister. After his grandma asked your father for help, he said the boy didn’t have anything wrong; just a huge trauma. So he gave you the task to talk to him and befriend the new boy, who turned out to be as patient as your father.

Since then, it was rare to see you without the other. You had started dating after he dropped out of highschool, and now you were saving for, when the right moment came, moving in together.

During the lecture, Arvin’s hand, trapped between yours, twitched uncomfortable. He shifted on his seat a few times, earning some glances from the surroundings. You tried to whisper him that he didn’t have to worry so much, but he didn’t listen to you; if anything, he seemed ready to run out of the church. He managed to wait until the preacher said you could leave in peace, and even let you say goodbye to your dad.

The good man just smiled at you and told you to be careful, asking if he was meeting you for lunch. Arvin, who was shaking on his feet, shook his head, so you told him you were grabbing something outside. Once in the car, Arvin drove past all the traffic signals in town.

“I hope they don’t have to scrape my body from the road” you chuckled nervously, and Arvin lowered the speed.

“Sorry darlin’. I’m just – ‘ave a bad feeling bout it”

“You know that she’ll grow up some day, right?” you moved from your seat, closer to him. “She’s gonna have kids, and a husband, and you’re gonna have to sit through family dinner without threats”

“Still a long way there”

“Oh, not so long” you tried to pry something from him that wasn’t worry. “Haven’t you seen the soft smile she has been carrying around? Bet she has someone in her head”

“She doesn’t – Lenora ain’t like that” he scoffed, finally driving in an acceptable speed. “She’s… uh, she’s Lenora. She doesn’t –“

“What? Get crushes and think about boys? You know that she’s turning fifteen in two months, right?”

“Not if I don’ think bout it”

The ghost of a smile appeared in Arvin’s face, and you high fived yourself. He always looked beautiful when he genuinely smiled, not in one of those usual frowns that he always carried around. To you, he looked younger and happier, and made a fuzzy feeling appear in the middle of your chest.

“You asked me out when I was fourteen, and one year later –“

“I’m fuckin’ throwin’ you out the road now” he cut you off, sneaking a glance at you. “Lenora is datin’ no boys”

“And does she know or are you planning on scare all of them away?”

“I work fine by scarin’ them ‘way from you”

“But I only have eyes for certain Russell boy. She’s going to be more difficult”

Arvin finally gave you a belly laugh, and the sun shined brighter. You still had a few minutes in the car, which you filled by useless talk. He was insistent in treating you lunch, since you never accepted money for taking care of him or his family. Lunch with Arvin meant he had to work extra harder the next week to recover from whatever it took, but saying no meant him carrying you like a sack of potatoes to the café. You wouldn’t mind not eating anything, just a stroll around the woods with him was enough payment.

The conversation ended when the Russell’s house came into view. You let loose your seatbelt to reach in the back seat for you bag. It had the basics; some aspirins, bandages, alcohol, meds for the headache and the stomach, syringes and a thermometer. Arvin parked while you searched into it for the last object, that seemed to be buried deep down.

“I think I forgot the thermometer. You still have the one from your grandma?”

“You can look for it, I haven’ seen it” Arvin told you as he moved the car around.

“Damn, I hope she isn’t too –“

You didn’t finish your sentence as suddenly the car came into a stop and you were pushed forwards, with the bad luck of having your seatbelt off and slamming your head against the front part of the car. It left a throbbing pain in the middle of your forehead, a nasty bruise and some swelling in a few hours. Because you were too busy with the bag, you didn’t notice what made Arvin stop the car so suddenly.

The barn had its door open, something unusual since there were a few bad people who didn’t have problem in stealing from the humble houses. It let Arvin see what was inside, that turned out to be a bucket upside down. For a moment, he was ready to tell you to stay in the car or run to call for someone, take the gun for his father and search for any intruders. Then, he saw a body hanging from the ceiling and recognized Lenora’s dress.

He ran out of the car before fully stopping it, leaving you cradling your head. Your eyes lost focus for a solid second, everything turning blurry around and a feeling as if you were underwater. It was Arvin’s desperate scream that had you blinking yourself into the present.

“Y/N!”

The pure anguish on his voice made you stumble out of the car, your knees scraping with the rough floor when you couldn’t hold your balance. You held onto the vehicle until you saw what Arvin was screaming about. He had tears running down his cheeks, horrible sobs racking his body, that was shaking under Lenora’s weight.

You managed to get to him without falling again, messing with the end of the rope until it came loose. Lenora came crashing down on Arvin, who fell to the ground as his knees gave out. His whole body was shaking as he tried to sit right, cradling her head.

“Please, please” he cried out. “Lenora, wake up! Lenora!”

Prying the rope from her neck, you already knew the answer. There was a sickening blue bruise around her neck, with hints or purple. She didn’t move when you shifted her head and checked for a pulse.

Your fingers fell on flat skin.

There weren’t a lot of people in the backyard, not even the preacher, who had left shortly after the ceremony. The Russell expected him to stay for a bit longer, seeing the relationship between the young girl and him. He had been the only person who she talked out of her family, and they had been sure he was fond of her too. That came down quickly when he threw into the lecture that suicide was a coward way to go. Uncle Earskell had held Arvin the whole time, preventing him from throwing fists with the preacher; even if the man himself looked close to doing so.

Everyone left eventually, even your father, who had a business to attend. You hadn’t talked with Arvin since his grandma found you with Lenora’s body in the barn, but once your father left and said goodbye to the boy, you were forced to do so. You were dying to go home and lay in bed, sleeping off the throbbing feeling of the gash of your head. But Arvin had giving you a side glance, shy and pleading, and you told your father you would be meeting him later.

While they lowered the coffin, you stayed by Arvin’s side, eventually working your arm through his elbow in an attempt to comfort him. His grandma broke down and his uncle was quick to gather her into his arms, walking away so she could cry in peace. It was then just Arvin and you.

“I’m sorry, Arv” you whispered, rubbing his upper arm.

When your father, who had ran to the barn after being notified by a neighbour, confirmed what you already knew, you felt a crushing guilt it you. Maybe, if you hadn’t been so insistent in comforting Arvin you could have prevented it. Arvin always had a sixth sense to know when something was wrong before it actually happened. And you had ignored it.

“How’s your head?” he asked. You had never heard him sound so small unsure.

“Just a nasty bump and a small concussion. It’ll be healed in a few days”

“I didn’ meant for you to hit your head” Arvin confessed. “I’m so –“

“Hey, I don’t blame you” you turned around and looked up to his eyes. “No one does. What happened wasn’t your fault”

When tears rushed to his eyes you knew he had understood what you meant by it. He trapped you in a bear hug the next second, his whole body hiding between your arms. You shushed him when the first sob appeared, and then they appeared one by another.

Since you had found her in the barn, Arvin hadn’t cried. He had carried his body to the funeral’s parlour, had chosen the coffin when his grandma couldn’t even sit straight, and had put on a stone face through the ceremony. It was hard always being the strong one, to be so weary about everyone and never breaking down. He was glad he had you, so glad it only made him cry harder.

Grandma and his uncle went back to their house just before the sun came down, but you didn’t release Arvin. It was hard to explain how much he loved his sister, because everything he did or thought about was for her security.

“Don’t leave me” Arvin suddenly said, making you go rigid with the express confession. “Please. Don’t – You’re the only thin’ I have left, and I can’t – I… I love you so much, that – “

“I love you too” you finished for him, the last sob breaking through. “And I’m not going anywhere. Not now or ever”

Arvin nodded against your shoulder a few times, interiorizing the words. The rational part of his brain that always worked before things happen, that was mildly drowned by the sorrow, was starting to understand that there was more about Lenora’s death to know that just a suicide. And he promised to himself, right there and then, that no one would ever take away another important person from him, not if he was around.

He wasn’t going to leave you either for as long as you had him.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Tom Holland and Peter Parker Taglist

@delicately-important-trash

@lexxxistrips

@smilexcaptainx

@aikaterrina

@zalladane

@gypsystuf (since you didn’t answer me, I just put you on the general taglist. Let me know if you want to change!)

@nikkixostan

@galaxystern08

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@dummiesshort

#arvin russell imagine #arvin russelll one shot #arvin russell #arvin russell x reader #arvin russell fic #tdatt #tdatt imagine #the devil all the time imagine #the devil all the time one shot #the devil all the time fic #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #imaginesmai #imaginemai #request

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apolloloki97 · 3 years

Text

“Stuck With Me” Mickey Milkovich x Ian Gallagher

GIF CREDIT: Showtime/TVGuide

Summary: A conversation after Ian and Mickey are reunited in prison in season 9.

Word Count: 1456

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “Video Games” by The Young Professionals

Note: I want their relationship so much except maybe without the broken bones.... SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9 OF COURSE.

---------

It was starting to get to Ian.

“Stop staring,” he said, looking over at his cellmate. Mickey had been looking at Ian for the past hour, trying hard not to be completely disgusted.

“I can’t,” Mickey said. “It’s fucking insulting.” Mickey made another face of distaste before shoving further away from Ian, tucking himself into the corner of the bottom bunk where the two men recently celebrated their reunion. Ian was still trying to comprehend how Mickey had even orchestrated becoming his cellmate and he didn’t have the energy to deal with any of this right now.

“I was going to run, Mick,” Ian said with an exasperated sigh. He then turned to Mickey, trying to get closer to him, but Mickey wasn’t having it.

“Yeah, well maybe you should’ve just kept goin’ if you were gonna show up like that,'' Mickey said with a scoff. Ian sighed again, trying to stop himself from throttling the man he loved.

“It’s just hair, Mick,” Ian tried again.

“No, it’s just wrong,” Mickey said as he glared at the dark curls that were on top of his boyfriend’s head rather than the bright orange locks he had fallen in love with. “It’s a heinous crime. You should get another couple of years added to your fucking sentence for this atrocity."

“Mick…” Ian said again, trying to get his boyfriend to see reason.

“Nope, not liking it. It won’t stop fucking staring at me,” Mickey said. “I miss my carrot top and you killed him.”

“You are so fucking dramatic,” Ian said, leaning back against the stone wall and tucking his leg underneath him. Mickey scoffed again.

“Says ‘Gay Jesus’,” Mickey said with a knowing look.

“Shut up,” Ian said, smacking him with a pillow. “I didn’t pick the damn name.”

“You didn’t correct them either, did you?” Mickey said with his brows raised. “Fuck, Ian, there are better ways to run away from the cops.”

“What? Like going to Mexico?”

“Worked for me,” Mickey said, splaying his hands. “All I am saying is that when people run from the law, dying their hair is the number one thing pigs expect. I thought you were smarter than this, man.”

“Are you more pissed that I was going to run or that I dyed my hair?” Ian asked.

“Take a fucking guess, fire-crotch,” Mickey said as he sulked. Ian laughed and then moved into his space. Mickey glared at him but remained where he was. He still had the image of Ian’s face burned in his mind when the younger man had turned around and saw Mickey enter the cell with a smug look on his face. They had had a lot of reunions over the years, but this one took the damn cake. Mickey had never been happier to be in prison than right now.

“I’m sorry I dyed it,” Ian said, giving Mickey an innocent look that held so much love. Mickey, unable to resist him, gave in and reached his hand up to pull his tattooed fingers through Ian’s hair.

“I guess I’ve done worse shit to avoid the cops,” Mickey rationalized.

“You literally put on a dress, heels, and a wig,” Ian reminded him and Mickey shrugged, remembering that look well.

“You were the one who said I have great legs,” Mickey said, reminding Ian of the conversation they had after Mickey had come out. After Terry had beat the shit out of both of them.

“Oh my god,” Ian growled, “shut up.” Ian grabbed Mickey by the back of the neck and pulled him in for a kiss, savoring the way their lips always fit perfectly together.

Ian remembered the first time Mickey had kissed him in the van in Ned’s driveway. He had nearly danced with joy as Mickey pressed his lips to his before following his brothers into the house. Of course, the celebration was short-lived as Mickey was then shot by JimmySteve’s mother with a shotgun. Still, it was one of Ian’s favourite memories. “I missed you so much,” Ian said as he pulled back, letting his forehead lean against Mickey’s.

“I missed you, too,” Mickey said, pressing a kiss to Ian’s nose which made the latter grin. “And I’ve missed being able to do this,” he whispered.

“What?” Ian asked, needing Mickey to keep talking.

“Just being able to touch you, kiss you, feel you near me,” Mickey whispered as he ran his hand over the side of Ian’s neck, feeling his pulse beneath his fingers. “You’re still under my skin, Gallagher.”

“Good,” Ian said as he kissed him again, letting his tongue linger longer, basking in the taste of Mickey Milkovich. Mickey was the one to pull back this time, settling next to Ian and picking up his hand. Lacing their fingers together, Mickey played with Ian’s hand.

“Was it all because you were off your meds?” Mickey asked. “The whole van burning thing, or was it something else?” Mickey had been curious since he caught wind of Ian’s Gay Jesus crusade. He recognized the signs of Ian being in a manic episode from the few news clips he managed to see in Mexico. All he wanted to do was call Fiona or Lip and tell them to get Ian some help, but he knew he couldn’t. Still, it had torn him apart to see the love of his life going off the rails.

Ian leaned into him, watching Mickey’s movements. “Partly,” Ian confessed. “I think I was just lost, you know? Wanted to feel important again.”

“I get that,” Mickey said. “I was like that for a while down South, never really knowing what I was doing or where I was going.”

“Yet you came back,” Ian said, sighing deeply.

“I always do,” Mickey said, looking over at Ian who’s eyes were already trained on the raven-haired man.

“I’m glad you did,” Ian said. “I don’t feel grounded when you’re not here. I feel like I’m gonna disappear and nobody is gonna notice.”

“It’s impossible to forget you,” Mickey said. “Every day I thought about you from the moment I crossed the border.” Ian frowned then and Mickey could feel the guilt pouring off of him. “Don’t,” Mickey warned, but Ian had to say it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t go with you,” Ian said. “I should have gotten in that fucking car.”

“Don’t apologize,” Mickey said. “I get it. You had your shit together and I was only going to ruin you.” Ian was reminded then about something Fiona had told him after they had found out Mickey had escaped, that Mickey would set a match to his life. What Fiona didn’t know was that Ian was more than willing to get burned.

“You could never ruin me,” Ian said, grabbing Mickey’s face and forcing him to look him in the eyes.

“I’m sure your sister would disagree,” Mickey said, knowing well that Fiona had had a change of heart about him after the whole Sammi debacle.

“Fuck Fiona,” Ian whispered. “She’s not even here anymore and my family loves you.”

“Really?” Mickey asked with a raised brow. “Even Lip?” Ian grimaced.

“Okay maybe not everyone, but Lip will come around.”

“Right,” Mickey scoffed. Suddenly, there was a loud crash and the sound of fighting as an inmate got into with a guard. Ian tightened his hold on Mickey as a habit. Mickey then remembered that even after living in the chaos that was the Southside, Ian never liked loud noises. “You'll get used to it,” he said, rubbing his thumb along the back of Ian’s hand. “And I’ll protect you,” he said with a wink, causing Ian to laugh.

“Is that so?” Ian challenged.

“Hell yeah, I always gotta look out for my carrot top.” Mickey then frowned, “Well, you know, when he's actually here,” he said once again glaring at the dark hair on Ian’s head.

“God, fine,” Ian said. “I'll shave it. Would that make you happy?” Mickey grinned, tugging Ian back into him.

“Ecstatic,” Mickey said, dragging his hand along Ian’s chest and down his stomach. Ian captured his lips, nearly pulling the older man on top of him. Mickey tangled their legs together as they resumed an earlier position. Bracing himself on either side of Ian, Mickey looked down at him with love in every inch of his body. “Don’t leave me again,” Mickey said, nearly desperate.

“Never,” Ian said, reaching up to run his thumb over Mickey’s soft lips. “You’re stuck with me.” Mickey grinned as he lay back down on his man. Ian then rolled them over so he was back on top and there was no argument from Mickey as Ian once again showed him just how much he missed him.

#Ian and Mickey #Gallavich #Prison Gallavich #Ian x Mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless fanfiction #shameless #shamless fics

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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years

Note

last night it hit me that my life is meaningless, that it's not worth anything to me and there is barely anything keeping me going, my family not my biological family cause fuck them is the biggest one but my interests is another.

my found family, they mean everything to me, they are the reason I haven't died yet cause without them I would have killed myself a long time ago. they listen to me, help me.... they love me. I am constantly making suicide or random death jokes and I can tell they're very concerned about me, but I can't help it, joking about it is better than going through with it right?

last night, I realized that I really want to die yet I don't think on it often cause I try to keep myself distracted at all times.

daydreaming, reading, writing, watching videos, talking to my found family, listening to music, scrolling on social media...

anything that could possibly distract me from the fact I want to die, even self-harming cause it's better than leaving my family and making them sad no matter how much I want to. I mean, I don't want to leave them, but life is so painful and worthless that I don't know if I can stay here either.

everyday is the same

wake up, get on computer for a while, eat, stay on computer, run around the hall for a bit, get back on computer, eat again, pace some more, get back on computer, get ready for bed, get on computer, get back up to put computer away, go to bed, repeat.

only time this is truly messed up is when I have to leave the house. sometimes I'll add video games or watching anime to my daily routine, but not every day.

I do want to try going outside more often, but I don't see a point in it anymore. why go outside when my life is meaningless and it's easier to stay distracted while indoors?

and yeah, I never get to see my friends but that's cause we live in different countries so we always are talking with each other online.

damnit, why didn't my psychiatrist ask how long I'd felt this way instead of assuming I'm this way cause I have no friends I said irl friends but ok and never go outside?

I probably need to go on meds, or even to a mental hospital, I don't really know but I can tell my mental health is pretty bad right now.

luckily I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, hopefully that will help me even if just a little bit.

Anon, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Being suicidal is incredibly scary, and so complicated to navigate and overcome. I want you to know I'm really proud of you for admitting to yourself that you're struggling and in a really bad place right now, because admitting it is the first step toward making sure you're safe, and it's not always easy to take even that first step.

I really hope your appointment with your therapist helped. I can't offer much help beyond sending you my support and letting you know my inbox is always open for you, but I hope you know you're not alone, and it is possible to stop feeling this way. Life doesn't always have to feel as meaningless as it does right now, and it's okay if all you can do today to get to that point is to continue to distract yourself and relieve your emotions/pain in ways that prevent them from piling up. You're right: self-harm might not be a healthy coping mechanism, and it is dangerous and should be avoided whenever possible, but it is better than not surviving the day. Same with suicide jokes. Coping mechanisms can be unhealthy, detrimental and dangerous, and still better than not surviving when you're at a point where you fear for your life. Please, be kind to yourself for needing to cope in these ways.

Sending all my support your way ❤️

#Ask #Suicide #Suicidal #Suicidal tw #Suicidal thoughts #Hopelessness tw #Self harm tw #Self-harm tw #Self deprecation tw #Self-deprecation tw #Therapy mention #Psychiatrist mention

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strandbuckley · 3 years

Note

Hi :) Would you please write a fic following the Tarlos market scene - TK and Carlos have a fight and then don't speak to each other. The following day, Carlos is injured at work and they make up. Thanks!

Read on ao3 here

(This was also written before Paramedic TK was canon but there is some slight Paramedic TK content in this)

“I cleared out some room in your closet.”

Those words followed by the slamming of the door haunted TK the minute they left his mouth. They echoed in his brain, bouncing back and forth across the walls of his skull as he drove home and collapsed into bed without saying a word to his parents. Not that they’d even noticed him walk in, let alone what kind of mood he was in.

He hated himself for leaving Carlos like that, hated himself for throwing his boyfriend’s insecurities back into his face. It was a dick move, an Alex move, and the very thought of acting like his ex was enough to make TK want to vomit.

He pulled out his phone and hovered over Carlos’ contact. It would be so easy just to call him, to apologize and grovel but his brain got the best of him.

There was the completely plausible and valid possibility that Carlos was done with him after that, and he wouldn’t blame him. Carlos had been loving and kind and accepting of all of TK’s bullshit since they met. Yet TK couldn’t accept this one thing.

He opted to turn his phone off, burying it in the drawer of his bedside table to worry about later. He burrowed under the covers, pressing his pillow over his head and closing his eyes.

He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he was woken abruptly by his dad shaking his shoulder.

“TK, come on get up. Did you turn your alarm off? Your shift started thirty minutes ago.”

“Shit!” TK swore throwing himself out of bed and rushing around to find his clothes. Judd was running point on Owen’s day off and he was going to have his ass for being late.

“I didn’t know you came home,” Owen commented as TK breezed past him, retrieving his phone and willing it to turn on quicker.

“Yeah, I just needed a night to myself.”

“Alright then. You better get going. Maybe Judd will take it easy on you.”

“Doubt it. I’ll see you later.”

TK drove as fast as he dared, ducking into the station, hoping to avoid Judd for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, Judd was waiting for him, leaning against one of the trucks.

TK sighed and held out his hand, grabbing the rag and bucket that Judd handed him before ruffling his hair and walking away whistling.

The day was slow, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but TK did manage to finish the overload of chores Judd was punishing him with before the bell rang.

He was grateful to have something to do and grabbed his gear, hopping into the truck next to Paul.

“You alright?” Paul asked, nudging his leg with his own. “You seem off today.”

“Had a fight with Carlos last night. It’s not a big deal.”

“I’m sure you’ll work it out. After all, it’s Carlos. How bad could it be?”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Okay guys,” Judd rounded them up for instructions when they reached the scene. “APD is already here. TK, I want you to go with Tommy and Nancy for backup on medical. Marjan, Paul, and Mateo round up stragglers and get them out of the way. This is an APD scene, we’re just here to help so defer to them if you need to.”

TK glanced around and he had a strange heart jump moment when he realized that Carlos and his partner were there. He looked away quickly, trying not to be spotted as he jogged off to join the paramedic crew.

“What’s going on here?” TK asked Tommy as he followed her to triage.

“Robbery gone wrong. Just some dumb kids. As far as I know, APD has them in custody, we just need to check on the injured workers.”

“Got it.”

“TK, take that woman over there. Nancy, help me with the two teenagers.”

“Got it, Cap.”

TK approached the woman with a med bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Ma’am my name is TK. I’m here to help.”

He knelt next to her and assessed the cut on her leg.

“Okay this is gonna need some stitches but I’m gonna patch it up temporarily until we can get you to a hospital.”

He pulled things out of his bag, talking her through it as he cleaned and wrapped the wound before getting her loaded into an ambulance.

The other two teenagers were whisked away and TK made the mistake of assuming they were home free. The robbers were in cuffs and the crew was loading up the truck to head back to the station when there were shouts from the APD crew.

“Clear out, suspect on the run.”

Judd pulled TK out of the way as the cops ran by, chasing down the guy. Carlos got to him first, tackling him to the ground.

Carlos let out a shout of pain as they hit the ground but TK couldn’t tell what was wrong until his partner had gotten him into cuffs and Carlos rolled over. TK was pretty sure his heart stopped for a split second when he realized that there was a knife sticking out of his left thigh.

“Tommy Carlos is hurt!” he shouted, grabbing a med bag and running toward his boyfriend.

“TK,” Carlos groaned when he dropped to his knees next to him.

“I’m here ‘Los.”

“It hurts,” Carlos reached down to his thigh but TK slapped his hand slightly aggressively.

“Don't touch it. They’ll take it out at the hospital, I’m just gonna pack it to stop the bleeding.”

“Okay,” he muttered.

Nancy approached them, helping to elevate Carlos’ leg while TK worked, and Tommy supervised, helping TK with his technique. They got him loaded into the ambulance and it was an unspoken agreement that TK would ride with him, technicalities be damned.

Tommy gave him something for pain en route to the hospital, so Carlos floated in and out of consciousness as he clung to TK’s hand.

Upon arrival, Carlos was whisked away and TK was left to wait. His dad joined him soon after, a comforting presence.

They were there for almost an hour when a nurse finally came with an update.

“Carlos Reyes family?”

“That’s us.”

“So good news. There was minimal damage. Quite a few stitches and he’ll be sore for a few days. We’re also recommending that he take some time off work. Other than that he’s perfectly fine and good to go home tonight as long as someone can stay with him to take care of him.”

“That would be me,” TK said.

“Okay. I’ll go write up the discharge papers.”

*****

“Okay, watch your step.”

“I’ve got it TK,” Carlos grumbled as TK helped him through the threshold of his house. “Thank you for bringing me home. You can go now.”

“The doctor said someone needs to take care of you. I want to be here Carlos.”

“Could have fooled me,” Carlos groaned as he lowered himself down onto the couch.

“Yeah I know,” TK sighed and perched himself on the coffee table across from him. “Look I’m sorry for being a little bitch.”

“You-”

“If you’re gonna say that I wasn’t, you’re lying. I was but I’m not sorry. I just- I realized that the reason I was so upset was because all of a sudden, I felt unsafe and unstable in this relationship.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“But what I didn’t consider was how unsafe you have felt since you came out, and then I went and threw that back in your face like the world’s most inconsiderate boyfriend. So you can tell your parents that I’m a friend, a colleague, your personal shopper, I don’t care. I know what we are and that’s good enough.”

“You were right earlier,” Carlos started. “I do have someone who loves me, and I love him just as much. And I do want my parents to know how happy and comfortable I am with you. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

“That’s okay Carlos. Take your time, and if you’re never ready, I’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I love you so much,” Carlos said, voice thick with unshed tears.

TK leaned forward to kiss him gently, “I love you more.”

#911 #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #my works #ask #prompt #fic

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