#that idiot detective [abe] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

falseroar · 2 months

Text

Murder on the Warfstache Express

Part 10: A Ticket to Ride

((It's Big Dick Moneybags' turn to be interrogated, but as usual, all his thoughts are on himself. Afterwards, Abe has a few questions for Wilford as he tries to make sense of some things that aren't adding up.

Here's a link to the previous chapter, Part 9: Misplaced Motive. And here's one to navigate the whole series.))

Richard M. Bags, Esquire, barely looked around the darkened dining car before taking his seat at the small table with the air of a bored king taking his throne to hear the petty complaints of the little people, an image not helped when he leaned back with one arm resting on the seat of the chair and told Abe, “About time you pulled me out of there. I think I’ve had my fill of the riffraff for the rest of the night and then some, thank you very much.”

Abe didn’t take his seat on the opposite side of the table this time. Instead, he paced a loop around the scattered dining tables half-lit by the lantern sitting in front of Richard, making a wide detour to avoid where Wilford had retaken his vantage point and was lounging around and watching with all the delight of an under stimulated cat with nothing better to do.

“You said you didn’t know Happy when you two met at dinner,” Abe said, watching the rich idiot out of the corner of his eye even as he continued his pacing.

“Never seen him before in my life,” Richard answered, in turn studying his nails. “Couldn’t tell you the first thing about him.”

“And yet he seemed to know a lot about you,” Abe said.

Richard shrugged. “Lots of people do—it comes with the fame and fortune.”

“In fact, back at dinner you said you didn’t know anyone else in this car at the time, do you remember that?”

“No,” Richard said. “But I don’t doubt it. Why would I know any of those people back there? Look, detective, I know you have to do your bit here for the look of the thing, but you and I both know I didn’t have anything to do with whatever happened to that agent. Do I really seem like the kind of person who’d get my own hands dirty on such a vulgar task, especially for someone I barely even knew?”

“Here’s the funny thing about that: if I believed what everyone on this train has told me, then no one here knew Happy at all before he got on this train yesterday. Hell, most of them didn’t even know his name until after he kicked the bucket, much less care two cents about the guy.”

Abe stopped behind the chair he’d been sitting in for the last three interrogations and leaned on the back of it so that he was eye level with the rich man as he continued, “You though? Yeah, turns out you’re a different story there.”

“Oh, do tell me how they were singing my praises,” Richard said, chuckling to himself and missing the sharp intake from the other man sitting in the car as he eagerly waited for the detective to drop the shoe.

“Yeah, about that…”

“That man,” Dorene had said, straightening up at the mention of Bags, her soft, amiable demeanor immediately replaced by a harsh tone and a stern scowl, “is nothing but a cad and a scoundrel of the lowest order. I don’t think there isn’t a thing he wouldn’t do to make his pockets or his ego bigger, and I can assure you the latter is already inflated all out of proportion to any merit.”

“That’s, uh…” Abe admitted to being at a loss for a second before he recovered and admitted, “Probably accurate, but do you have a reason in particular to think that, or…?”

“I’ve had the unfortunate displeasure of spending some time in Richard Mayhew Bags’s company before,” Dorene answered, wrapping her burnoose tighter around her to ward off the chill in the train car. “At an auction, where we were both competing bidders for several rare items, and let me tell you, you can learn a lot about a person based on how they handle losing and winning. Do you know, before the bidding started, I shared with him some of the charity work I’m involved in to see if he might be interested, and do you know what he did?”

She looked over her glasses at the detective who waited for her to answer, the side of her mouth twitching with disgust at the memory. “He laughed. He laughed, and said…Well, better not to repeat those sentiments. Let’s just say, I wasn’t impressed, and I’ve done my best to avoid his company ever since.”

Benjamin tried a little harder to hide his disgust at first, starting with a weak, “I really shouldn’t say…”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re fine with the way he’s running this whole railway thing,” Abe said with a flippant gesture. “Guy’s practically a carbon copy for the actor, so you must feel right at home—”

“Excuse you,” Benjamin blurted out, nearly rising from his chair. “That fool is nothing like Mark!”

Abe shot a look around the car to make sure Wilford hadn’t returned, but the former butler was too angry to notice as he plunged on.

“Letting people go left and right without a care about how long they’d been with the company, zero concern for loyalty or hard work, every message we get is about how we need to cut costs here, there, everywhere, while he goes in front of the press and talks about how he ‘saved’ the railway, and from what? From people wanting to ever use it again?” Benjamin said, and Abe bit back any comparisons he could make about Mark dropping most of his staff just after the divorce or any of the much more damning things he said to the press on the regular.

“But when he’s riding the train, suddenly money is no object! Do you have any idea how much time we spent setting up that room of his, how much of our budget went into his personal wine stock for this one trip because he ‘can’t be seen frequenting the bar’ with the other passengers?! The man is a backstabbing disgrace only out for himself is what he is!”

The chef had less words to spill on the man, but then he had zero of Benjamin’s hesitation in sharing his opinion with the slightest prompting.

“Man’s an asshole, plain and simple. Worst thing that ever happened to the W.W. Railway, and that’s including what happened to that other train that got stuck in the blizzard of ’82 for three weeks.”

“What…?” Abe started, but the chef just shook his head.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, man. Least we got heat and food to get us through until help comes and zero hungry bears in the back, I’ll say that much.”

“I still haven’t actually seen what’s in the back of this train,” Abe pointed out.

“Point is,” the chef pressed on, ignoring him as usual, “I’d still rather take my odds with that train than have to trust Bags or that toady that follows him around on anything. Both of them would throw any of us under the wheels of this train in a second if it meant saving their own skins. Hell, they’d probably do it if it meant adding an extra penny to their pockets.”

Not that Abe shared any of that with Richard. Instead, he just settled for saying, “…They’re not fans. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone on this train hates your guts.”

“…Huh.” Richard thought about that for all of a second before shrugging it off. “Well, what can you do? I told you, you don’t get to where I am without stepping on a few toes along the way.”

“The kind of toes that turn around and kick your ass,” Abe muttered under his breath.

“Sorry, what was that, detective?”

“Just that you seem pretty blasé about that little fact for someone who’s received multiple anonymous death threats,” Abe said, pacing once again. “Why is that?”

“Well, I had been counting on Agent Apless to protect me,” Richard said. “But then he had to go and get himself killed—wait, you don’t think he was killed by someone trying to get to me, do you?”

Abe paused at that. “Do you really think this could all be about you?”

“Most things usually are,” Richard answered without a trace of irony or self-consciousness.

“While of this would make a whole lot more sense if you were the dead body, unfortunately that’s not the case,” Abe said.

“’Unfortunately’?”

“And why would someone stop at killing Happy if you were the target?” Abe continued without listening. “Or even need to go through him to get to you? What were you doing after dinner, while Mack was working in his room?”

“Sleeping like a baby,” Richard said. “Honestly, it was the best night of sleep I’d gotten since this whole death threat business started, at least until the train stopped and woke us all up. I’ll admit I may have been a little…spooked by our sudden stop and some noises in the dark, which is why I made Mack stay in the room with me. I’d have had the agent with me too, but Mack couldn’t get him to answer his door because, well, you know. We were fine until you dragged us out into the open to sit around in the lounge car like sitting ducks.”

“Exactly,” Abe said, getting a sputter out of the rich man before he continued, “You were asleep, alone, completely defenseless for hours—where does killing Happy come into that?”

Even if Happy had been keeping watch and caught someone breaking into Richard’s room, it wouldn’t explain the other evidence Abe found in the luggage car. What did that crate with the weird stone have to do with it, or the emptied weapons safe?

“Well, whatever this maniac’s reasoning may be, I’m sure you’ll handle it before they can finish the job,” Richard said, and once again Abe stopped his pacing to stare at the man.

“You just can’t imagine something bad actually happening to you, can you?” Abe asked. “Or, no, you panic and get scared, and then convince yourself that you can just buy your way out of the problem, is that it? Pay me or Happy or some other stooge to take care of the little wannabe murderer and continue on your way?”

“That’s your job, isn’t it?” Richard asked, shifting uneasily in his seat. “That’s why you’re here on this train, to protect me.”

Abe and Wilford shared a look of disbelief.

“Yeah, no, that’s not why I’m here. Trust me, I know that much,” Abe said. He approached the table again and fiddled with the lantern for something to do with his hands as he said, “No, I think it’s time you head back to the lounge car and sit back down with the ‘riffraff’ for a while.”

“But you said they all hate me, that one of them could be trying to kill me!”

“Then we’ll both have plenty to think about,” Abe said.

The rich man protested some more, but the detective shooed him off with a wave of his hand and, when that failed to work, pushed him out of the dining car and slammed the door behind him, leaving Richard to decide between standing in the cold connection point between the two cars or go on into the lounge car. Honestly, Abe didn’t care which he decided to do, so long as he had some time to himself to think.

Too bad there was a big, pink and yellow problem with that plan.

“You ever feel like you’ve forgotten something?” Wilford asked the dining car at large.

“…You’re joking, right?”

Wilford’s eyes creased with his smile. “Of course, of course, forget I said anything at all. Or, you know, don’t.”

Abe rubbed his face and turned his back on the other man, staring into the small window to the lounge car where Richard had fled freezing to take a seat far away from the others gathered around the bar.

“I’m missing something,” he muttered, and when Wilford made a noise at that, “I said missing, not forgetting. I know what they’ve all said, I have all of these pieces, but I know there’s something missing here, I just—”

He was pacing again without realizing it, and not for the first time wished he had something physical to put his ideas out there on, even just a notepad and pen so he could jot them all down and tear them apart, rearrange them until he could see the shape of the hole in the center of all of this.

“What do you normally do at this point in your little investigation?” Wilford asked. “When the corkboards and all the little photos and newspaper clippings and the string doesn’t fix it?”

“Like I know what normal is anymore,” Abe muttered, stopping at the window to look out into the darkness only to be met with a reflection of himself and the room behind him, the single lantern on the table glowing like a star but the rest of the room just vague silhouettes and shapes thrown up on the glass and merging with the drifts of snow outside until it was difficult to separate one from the other. Try as he might, he couldn’t find Wilford in the reflection, even though he heard the man’s voice clear as day behind him.

“Oh, yes, nice and moody answer, double points for that, but it doesn’t go and answer my question now does it?” Wilford sighed, and Abe heard the creak of the chair as the man tested how far back he could lean the chair before both went toppling over even if he couldn't see it. “You know, sometimes it just feels so obvious, like you’re looking at a man pointing a gun at you and, whoops, totally forgotten his name. Then other times it’s just…an itch in the back of your mind, a little something off, you know?”

“What are you talking about?” Abe asked, looking over his shoulder to find a bunch of empty tables and chairs, only the two he and the line of suspects had been using out of place.

“Forgetting things, of course,” Wilford said, now standing on Abe’s opposite side with a steaming mug of something in hand. He took a sip and stared out the long window, his mustache tilting as his mouth turned underneath it. “Or did you forget what we were talking about that? It’s okay, I get distracted sometimes too.”

Abe made a noise, a strangled combination of a frustrated growl and a yelp at the other man’s sudden appearance right beside him.

“Okay, more than sometimes,” Wilford admitted. He took a long, slow, slurping sip from his mug that filled Abe with a sudden desire to smack the thing out of his hands.

“Are you even real?” Abe asked, causing Wilford to pause mid-sip.

“That's an existential question that I am not prepared to answer at this juncture.”

“Warfstache!”

“Detective!” Wilford shrugged and took another long, slurping sip before answering. “What kind of question is that to go around asking people? Like being ‘real’ ever actually meant anything.”

“It means everything!”

“Does it though?”

Abe rubbed his face, turning away from Wilford so he could talk and think at the same time. “Nothing about this makes any sense, starting with you and how you—you’re constantly disappearing and reappearing, conveniently avoiding the only other people on this train who might recognize you, don't think I didn't notice that, just...being you in general and no one else so much as batting an eye!”

He couldn't see Wilford tilting his head, studying the detective's back with a thoughtful expression as he asked, “Be honest now, is there anything I could say to convince you one way or the other?”

“...No,” Abe admitted, glancing at the reflections in the window when he heard another long, irritating sip from that stupid pink mug with its words that wouldn't get out of his head. “But there is this.”

The detective spun around, and it was a split second after his fist connected with Wilford's cheek and sent that despicable mug crashing against the ground with a muffled thump that left it in several pieces that he realized it shouldn't have. Not when Wilford seemed to know exactly what he was thinking half the time, not when he had a habit of moving from one place to the other when eyes weren't on him.

Not unless he let it happen.

“Do you feel better now, detective?” Wilford asked, his voice slurring more than usual as he worked his jaw and touched his cheek with an exaggerated wince. “I'm a real boy! For a given value of ‘real,’ of course, but we'll take the win. One mystery solved.”

“Yeah, and about a dozen more to solve,” Abe muttered, wondering how he somehow felt worse now, and not just because of the pain in his split knuckles.

Wilford paused. “Those don't also involve hitting me, do they?”

Except even after that, Abe still felt like he was missing something obvious about Warfstache. Something not quite right, although with him it was hard to just point at one thing in particular. An aggravating irritant, on top of everything else.

“Would talking it out help?” Wilford suggested helpfully. “You said something about that before, right? Or was that later...?”

“Yeah, where do you want to start?” Abe asked. “How it seems like everyone on this train but the two of us has some kind of connection to Moneybags? How all signs point to a shootout in the baggage car but our dead man is found in his room poisoned, bludgeoned, and stabbed on top of the bullet in him? Why our dead man has a badge for an agency I’ve never heard of, or do you want to spend a few hours trying to decipher that letter he had on him from said agency? Or what the hell kind of agent runs around with a gun that looks like a kid’s toy?”

As if to accentuate his point, Abe pulled out Happy’s gun and dropped it on a nearby table, soon following it with the agent’s badge and the letter he’d had on him.

“There is one thing that’s been bothering me since the start of this whole rigamarole,” Wilford declared, and to Abe’s surprise he turned and pointed a finger at his chest, voice and expression both unusually serious as he asked, “Why did you get a double room, detective?”

“…What?”

“You heard me! Most suspicious thing around if you ask me,” Wilford said. “Mr. ‘I Work Alone’ with a side of hard-up detective who can’t even afford a decent outfit—”

“What’s wrong with my outfit?”

“It’s monochrome as hell and so 2018, but my point is, how does a guy like that end up in a room twice as big as he needs?” Wilford asked, physically and verbally prodding Abe until the detective smacked his hand away.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Abe asked, but Wilford tilted his head with an inquiring noise that suggested he wasn’t about to let it go. “I don’t know, it’s just the room I was put in, I didn’t pick it.”

“Ah! Then who did?”

“It…I don’t know, it was just the room that was available at the time, anyone could have ended up in it. Not like it even matters, since Happy and I ended up—”

Abe stopped midsentence and found himself voicing the thought that interrupted it out loud.

“Why did Happy want it? I thought it was to get closer to Moneybags, but he never actually said he was taking the rich idiot up on his job offer. On the other hand, our rooms were right next to each other, so it wasn’t like he was moving from one end of the car to the other.”

Wilford shrugged. “Maybe he wanted the extra space? Since clearly you weren’t doing anything with it, right?”

“What, to store all of his nonexistent luggage?” Abe shook his head. “I thought back in the luggage car he had something to do with the professor’s crate getting broken into, especially when she said he was real keen on that math she was doing related to her work, but that rock in there would be just as easy to hide in one room as another after he stole it, if that was his goal. My room was a little closer to the professor’s room, but Dorene was still in between them so he couldn’t hope to listen in on any conversations from there. Just what was he hoping to get out of a trade?”

Abe turned back toward Happy’s belongings on the table and leaned over them, staring down at the badge, gun, and letter as though if he just looked at them hard enough, he would find something new there.

“I’m missing something,” he muttered again, and vaguely heard Wilford’s voice behind him. “The letter, the badge, everything Happy said made it sound like he was on this train for a reason. He was scoping the train out all afternoon, looking for something.”

He paused and then turned back on Wilford. “Wait, what did you just say?”

Wilford froze, eyes full of innocence that Abe wasn’t buying. “Who, me? Why, I haven’t said a thing all night—”

“No, I heard you, I said ‘I’m missing something’ and you said—”

Wilford rolled his eyes. “Okay, I might have said, ‘Or someone,’ but who can really tell?”

He paused and gave Abe a searching look. “Unless you’re suddenly having a burst of inspiration, in which case I take full credit.”

Abe stood stock still as the idea sank in, before he was a sudden frenzy of motion, pacing back and forth in a vain effort to keep up with the thoughts clicking away in his head.

“That’s it! Happy wasn’t looking for something, he was looking for someone. He was going from one end of the train to the other this afternoon questioning people! Everyone agrees he never said anything about himself if he could help it, but Dorene said he was a good listener. That, and he’d done his research on Moneybags and knew enough about the Professor’s work to spot a mistake in her math—bet you anything those weren’t the only two he did his background research on. He was listening to see who didn’t match up, who wasn’t supposed to be here.”

“Ah,” Wilford said, eyes lighting up with understanding. “Trying to find out who among us is sus. Just like Monopoly.”

“What kind of games do you…” Abe stopped himself with a shake of his head and pressed on. “But you’re right, sort of. Happy goes through the whole train, listening and observing the passengers and crew, looking for…Looking for…”

There it was again, that something off, and Abe found himself asking, “He never talked to you though, did he?”

“Mm, can't say he did,” Wilford admitted, before prudently taking a step backward. “You're not going to hit me again, are you?”

“Eh...” Abe shrugged, unable to go so far as to commit to that, but continued his thought. “But when I described you to him, he didn’t seem especially interested in learning anything more, even after I said you’ve killed people.”

“Rude. Clearly a terrible judge of character.”

“But if he was so keen on going around and checking everyone, how could he miss you?” Abe remembered exactly how hard a person Wilford could be to find without even trying and corrected himself. “Why wouldn’t he try to find you? Unless it’s because I apparently knew you well enough to know you’re not an impostor—"

“Although not well enough to tell if I'm real or not.”

“—And he knew I was who I said I was because both Benjamin and the chef recognized me,” Abe continued. “All four of us unintentionally provided alibis for each other being who we say we are. Same reason he barely interacted with Moneybags and Mack until he was forced to during dinner—two people traveling together, neither of them can be his man. The other three passengers are traveling alone, but Illinois introduced himself to Ms. Whitacre right in front of him, and they knew enough of each other from their letters that he could rule them out after a few minutes. The professor’s the odd one out there, but he came prepared, well enough to check her work, literally. Then there's the engineer/conductor...”

“Yes? What about him?” Wilford prompted when Abe trailed off, but the detective's thoughts were not on Peter but on something he had said.

Or rather, hadn’t said.

“Wilford, do you actually have a ticket?” Abe asked. Peter had mentioned sending Wilford away multiple times for not having one, but surely...

Wilford rolled his eyes and scoffed as he plopped down in one of the empty chairs dotted around the room. “You sound like that guy now, all ‘do you have a ticket to ride,’ and I kept telling him I’ve never even played the game before—”

Abe groaned and rubbed his face with both hands. “You’re a stowaway?!”

Wilford perked up. “Oh, that’s a fun way to put it! But yeah, probably.”

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding the other two?”

“I also perhaps owe someone $20, or they owe me the money, and I can’t really remember the details anymore so it’d kind of be awkward…”

Abe considered hitting Wilford again, harder this time. Of all the reasons to avoid Benjamin and the chef, those were the only ones he could come up with?

But his eyes landed on the letter found in Happy’s pocket once again and he whispered to himself, “Stowaway…”

“If you could speak up a little…” Wilford suggested, only to blink owlishly when Abe rounded on him.

“The postcard, you’re sure you found it in the baggage car? You didn’t pick it up anywhere else?”

“This old thing?” Wilford asked, the postcard appearing between his fingers like a card conjured up by a street magician. “Of course I found it in the baggage car, that’s where you told me to search and it was right there in the middle of the floor where anyone would have noticed.”

Except Abe hadn’t, and he knew full well that Wilford and the general senses of time, space, or even reality itself rarely applied to him except when he could be bothered to let them.

“And I know I didn’t see it because it was still dark in the car with only the lanterns to see by,” Abe said, not sure whether he was explaining himself to Wilford or reassuring himself. “But I know I would have noticed something lying on the ground when I went into the baggage car earlier yesterday afternoon, just like Happy would have. Especially when the thing is a postcard sent from and addressed to two people who are not on this train, meaning it’s supposed to be on the opposite end of the train, in a car no one should have had access to since the train started moving. Do you get where I’m going with this?”

Wilford considered the question for all of a half second before answering honestly, “Nope, not even a little bit.”

“I’m saying,” Abe said, pulling out the set of keys he’d borrowed from Benjamin, “I think it’s time we finally had a look in that mail car.”

A good line, but Abe found himself hesitating when he did reach the door connecting the dining car to the kitchen car.

He looked back over his shoulder at the distant circle of light barely visible through the glass windows on the other end of the car, just long enough to confirm that the silhouette of the chef wasn’t already on his way to stop him, and added under his breath, “Better make this quick.”

The detective did pause in the space between cars to check out both of the side windows, his breath nearly fogging up the glass in the few seconds it took to look and move on into the kitchen car.

The very dark kitchen, which lacked the huge windows of the dining and lounge cars to let in even the reflection of moonlight off of the snow outside. There was only a single skylight overhead, which did little to help illuminate things now. Anyone working in here would have little to distract them from the currently cold ovens and cookware lining the walls above long stretches of counterspace with an island in the middle taking up much of the room in the center of the car.

Abe turned up the light from his lantern and held it higher, where it reflected off of seemingly every surface, from the polished oven doors and excessively clean counters to the absolutely massive fridge that occupied one corner of the car, its not so quiet hum filling the otherwise silent car. The light of the small flame left everything with an orange, flickering hue as though they had stepped into hell itself.

“Hell itself?” Wilford asked, repeating the thought that hadn’t left Abe’s mind. “Bit chilly for that, isn’t it?”

“To be fair, the guy who works here could be the devil for all I know,” Abe muttered. “Certainly wouldn’t put it past him to skewer us if he finds us in here.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t pick up another midnight snack?”

“Or anything sharp and pointy,” Abe said, slapping Wilford’s hand away from the knife block in the same breath. “And midnight was hours ago, probably.”

Actually, he didn’t have a clue what time it was. It being the middle of the winter and in less than stellar conditions, there could still be hours more to go until dawn, if the sun even bothered to show up at all.

“Then a pre-breakfast appetizer,” Wilford said, opening the fridge door only for Abe to slam it shut again.

And then reopen it to look inside himself, getting an indignant sound from the other man.

“Just checking to make sure there’s nothing in here that shouldn’t be,” Abe said. “You know, another bottle of poison, some more booby traps, maybe a body or two…”

“Certainly looks big enough to hold a few,” Wilford said, nodding. “But I can’t help but notice that looks suspiciously like string cheese you have there.”

Abe silently passed him another stick and closed the door, only commenting, “Well, no harm in checking. Come on, the next and last car should be the one we’re looking for.”

The detective led the way through the next door, pausing once again and wincing when Wilford ran into him so hard he nearly dropped his lantern.

“Could you watch it?” Abe hissed.

“Could you not stop every two seconds to monologue to yourself?” Wilford shot back, taking a piece of his string cheese and carefully pulling it free to eat.

“I’m not monologuing, I’m looking for clues,” Abe protested, drawing Wilford’s attention to the windows on either side.

Or trying to, but the other man’s attention was riveted on the piece of cheese in Abe’s hand, and the end very obviously bit off without any preamble.

“You heathen,” Wilford said, one hand held to his chest in shock.

In answer, Abe took another large bite before holding his lantern up to the window and saying over Wilford’s affronted gasp, “See the snow? No footsteps, here or on the other side, and the doors are locked on the inside—same for every car from here to the front of the train, and these are the only places where you can get out. No one on this train has left it since we got stuck, except when I went around with Benjamin and the conductor to take a look at the heap of snow blocking the tracks. If someone fled whatever happened in the baggage car, they either went into the engine car or back through the passenger car, no going around.”

“And that means…” Wilford prompted.

“It means I missed something, and so did Happy,” Abe answered as he shuffled through the keys on the ring to try and find one that matched the lock on the door to the mail car. “And this is the one place no one’s been allowed to check since we started.”

“Sounds fascinating! So why are we hanging around out here?” Wilford asked, and without waiting for Abe to point out the obvious, he reached forward and pulled on the door.

The door that, despite everything Abe had been told, clearly wasn’t locked as it slid open easily to reveal a figure standing just inside, holding a gun.

His gun, the tip of which was currently pointed at the center of his chest.

((End of Part 10. Thanks for reading!

Is it too late to be adding another character to the story, when we're this close to the end? Probably! Am I doing it anyway? Yes, yes I am. Also thank you to Mark for dropping that existential question line in that Poppy Playtime let's play, absolutely knew I had to steal that when I heard it.

There were 100% other ways to go about checking to see if someone's real, but Abe maybe still isn't over the whole "shooting me and my partner" thing...

Tag list: @silver-owl413 @asteriuszenith @withjust-a-bite @blackaquokat @catgirlwarrior @neverisadork @luna1350 @oh-so-creepy @95fangirl @a-bit-dapper @randomartdudette @cactipresident @hotcocoachia @purple-star-eyes @shyinspiredartist @avispate @autumnrambles @authorracheljoy @liafoxyfox @hidinginmybochard))

#markiplier #fanfiction #wkm detective #wilford warfstache #big dick moneybags #oh yeah #it's all coming together now #i think #getting close to the end either way

11 notes · View notes

pico-digital-studios · 2 months

Text

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Let's do this one last time.

One More Hero

OMT!Sonic (represented by a PC game box)

(Find his here.)

Detective Ghost / Kaede Titan (represented by a comic cover)

"Okey-doke! Let's do this one last time. My name is Kaede Titan. I gained my own ability to go at super-speed, and for a couple of years, I've been the one and only Detective Ghost! Sure some of you out there might know the rest. I've foiled Razereye's schemes, fell in love with Luna, adopted Max into my family, and then I saved the island from crooks time and time again!

Compared to Sonic, I got a whole secret identity thing going on, and though it's tough, I can say with confidence that I've loved helping save the day. And no matter how many times I get hit, I always find my way to keep on moving. Because right now (before OMT!Tails helped her out), the only thing standing between South Island and oblivion... is me.

There's only one Detective Ghost out there. And you're lookin' at her!"

CR!Sonic (represented by a comic cover)

"Alright, people, let's do this one last time. My name is Sonic Maurice Hedgehog. I was transformed by one of Robotnik's machines, and for the last seven years, I thought I was the one and only hero of Mobius. What a day, huh? I'm pretty sure you know the rest.

I saved Mobius, fell in love with Sal, saved Mobius some more, maybe too much, beat the heck out of Exegod and Corrupt, and blah blah blah, saved Mobius again... and again... and again. Fast forward! One of Robuttnik's robots flew at my face and broke my back, my relationships got testy, made some dicey money choices - Don't invest in a Sonic-themed restaurant, by the way. - then, like, 2 more years passed, yada yada yada.

A freaking drone flew at my face, I hurt my back again, entities that want to kill this stupid lemon idiot came around, I buried Uncle Chuck, who passed from old age, I realized I'm reaching adulthood, Sally and I... split up. But I handled it like a champion! (cut to him crying in a shower) 'Cause you know what? No matter how many times I get hit, I always keep on moving without regrets. I also got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself.

Did you know that seahorses mate for life? Could you imagine a seahorse seeing another seahorse and making it work? She wanted a family and kids, and for us both to rule over Mobius... and it scared me. I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. [...] Flash forward, I'm doing my part, doing ab crunches, getting "strong"... when this weird thing happened.

I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot, given I live in a crossover multiverse and stuff, but this one was especially weird. [...] You see, I was still in Mobius, but... a lot of things were different. I was this... embodiment of hope the island looked up to. Also, I was dead... and young. It felt... nostalgic. It was like going back in time! I got a feeling that, whatever brought me here, it must've been the thing that got him killed.

Wanna know what happened next? [...] Yeah, me too."

Nine (represented by a DVD case)

"*sigh* Alright, then. Let's get it out of the way, one last time, if you will. My name is Nine. In my youth, I engineered seven mechanical tails to defend myself with, and for a couple of years at this point, I've been looking out for myself in this hellscape known only as New Yolk. Kinda sure a few of you will know the rest. [...] I met Sonic, beelined with a Paradox Prism shard, discovered the Grim, and even helped Sonic keep those shards out of the greedy hands of the Chaos Council.

That said, the more recent endeavours are ones I'm not proud of. Turns out, holding a whole Prism in your hands to terraform a Shatterspace is the worst idea I could think of, and it almost killed everyone around me. I... got what I deserved in those days... [...] After Sonic and Shadow left for good, I ditched my mechanical namesakes and just... gave up. Left the Grim behind, and spent a long time in my workshop just passing the days.

Thankfully, it wasn't all doom and gloom for me. A young rabbit girl, whose name was... Crème Brûlée, I think? She often came down to check up on me, and always let me know how the city was recovering after we sent the Chaos Council's sorry butts into the Shatterverse's depths.

And then one day, something pretty crazy happened. I know I've seen crazy things before, but the fact an entirely different Sonic wound up here confirmed my theory that there were MANY worlds beyond the Shatterverse. [...]

It also had me thinking; with all the times life has knocked me down, even when I've been thrown curveballs, is it really an easy feat to just get back up again? Well, with what's coming next and a chance to look into the further multiverse, not really much point in pondering so much."

OMT!Mina (represented by a SEGA Saturn disc)

"Alright, people. Let's start from the beginning one last time. My name is Mina Mongoose. I gained super-speed in my own fashion, and for a couple of years, I've been the leading star hero of my universe. You guys know the rest. I led a band, saved my buddies... I couldn't save my best friends, Sonic and Tails, so now I save everyone else. And I barely do friends anymore, just to keep distractions to a minimum.

And one day, this weird thing happened. And I mean, like, really weird. When I was leaving my dimension with another Sonic, I ended up getting blown into next week by something. Literally! I landed in Central City, which wasn't my Route 99. [...] My instincts told me to head to Bumper High School, and well, the rest is history with that one! I didn't know why I needed to until I met you."

Mini Sonic (represented by a Nokia phone)

"Okay, let's do it one last time, and cut to the chase. I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! Well, arguably smaller than one would expect, of course, but I'm still the hero of my land. Pretty sure you know the rest by now. Freed my animal friends from robots, and fought my Robotnik a couple of dozen times by that point.

In my universe, it's constantly 1992 tops, and I'm pretty quick to leap into action! I like to chow on chilli dogs, and I like fighting robots. A lot. [...] Well, I mean, I have fallen victim to getting knocked out every 10 minutes or so at West Side Island, even when I've already gotten past an area.

Okay, so something weird happened earlier today. How I got here? It's a long story. (cut to a shot of Mini Sonic flying out a portal and being bounced around Balloon Park) Er, okay, maybe not that long, then. But yeah, no matter how many times I get knocked about, I can definitely keep moving each time!"

Mr. Needlemouse (represented by a VHS tape)

(Will come a little later.)

EX!Alice (represented by a SEGA CD/EX disc)

"Okay, then. Let's do this one last time. My name's Alice, and I'm a survivor of the twisted crystalline demon known only as Xenophanes. I don't know if you know the rest, so I'll sum it up for you; I used to work under him, but eventually defected and left for a quiet, isolated life away. I never told my family where I was, but at least it spared them the heartache when he and his new assistant, Caffrin, claimed me and took me into his world, sealing me in a vessel akin to Amy Rose.

But I was soon tired of being a punching bag to them, and so I decided to act. I patched myself up and fought valiantly, but lost. And I lost again. And again and again, and again. However, things changed when Veronica, Caffrin's big sister, wound up in that world solely by choice. And together, we actually made a difference. Caff defected in the end and helped us kill Xeno, but... it cost her her life in the end.

I stayed behind to pick up the pieces that the monster left behind, even after the other souls moved on. It got me dabbling in tech maintenance, and I eventually was able to integrate some of the leftover dark matter into "Sonic 3 - Zone 6: Round 3", or "E4-R6:3", for short. It essentially gave me a psychic link with that modified Big Arms mech, saving me some effort in pulling levers and pushing buttons.

Just today, something weird happened. Yes, the same weird thing that everyone else here ended up in, so it's not really a long story. Good thing I was piloting E4 at the time, so I didn't suffer any injuries on my way here. I was able to figure where I needed to get to from there, and the rest is history."

More than One Universe

Antho (represented by a comic cover)

"Alright, let’s back it up from here. My name is Anthony Miller the Hedgehog, or just "Antho", for short, and for the past year or so, I and a group of friends have become the new heroes of my Mobius. But it wasn’t always like that you see.

You see, I was just your average normal nerdy hedgehog until something with a super collider changed my appearance and gave me some knowledge of a multiverse or something. Oh, and I’m pretty sure there was a T-Rex-. Oh no, wait! That was added to the script to make it more dramatic.

Anyways, aside from that. It was also the day we lost our Sonic… and I saw it with my own eyes… thanks to that monster, Mammoth Mogul. Ever since then, the Dark Ages happened, and I was never the same again. But not until I stood up and took vengeance against Mogul himself and since then, I’ve restored the faith of Mobius, met new friends and allies, some of which I can now consider family, and am now living in our beloved hero’s legacy.

But despite that, it's still kinda hard work, and I sometimes feel like I can’t live up to Sonic’s standards and how he was the saviour of us all. But deep down, I know he's proud of me, and having my friends, family and the main cast by my side has helped.

I can’t be the next Sonic, even if some otherworldly hedgehog says otherwise. But this is my world and my rules. And I’m doing my own thing, whether you like it or not."

Nitro (represented by a comic cover)

"Well, you probably know the drill by this point, so let's do it one last time. Or... is it the SECOND last time? Eh, never mind. My name is Christopher Smith, and for a couple of years, I've been the one and only... Nitro the Hedgehog. I doubt you know the rest, so I'll sum it up; I fled from my old home into Mobius, helped in the war against Eggman, and even saved the multiverse from possible destruction at the hands of Toxinfect. [...]

That said, with all the times I've been knocked down, I haven't always been able to keep on moving. In an older timeline I came from, I suffered from long-term depression that I hid from everyone. At least, until a mini "Smol" version of myself revealed it, by which point I got some much-needed therapy. [...] But of course, there have been positives. I saved a newer friend from the clutches of a corrupt corporate boss, met amazing friends across the multiverse, and even got girlfriends out of my Amy and Mina. [...]

Just today, of course, something weird happened. A portal opened under my feet, and I had to go to the hospital for a bit after some creatures gnawed at my legs. We waited a little bit, and then we saw that portal open into OMT!Tails's house. Wanna see what comes next now? Same! But before we do..."

CU!Sonic and CU!Sonia (represented by a comic cover)

CU!Sonic: ...It's time for us to do this-

CU!Sonia: -one last time!

CU!Sonic: Heh, knew you'd get the drill, mini-blue! So anyway, I'm Sonic, and this is my little daughter, Sonia. For a while, I've been the hero of my world. Pretty sure you know the rest! I got together with Amy, we had Sonia, and I've continued saving the world countless times. We did get into some tough love at times, but we always sorted it out!

CU!Sonia: Ah, erm... You gonna mention what happened with... mom?

CU!Sonic: Oh, er... I'm... not really sure if I can muster up the courage myself...

CU!Sonia: Come to think of it, I don't really remember what happened, but... she's no longer with us. Ever since, dad's been raising me on his own.

CU!Sonic: Right. Sonia's really the only family I have left, so while looking after her (and a mix of her keeping me right, of course), I've also been helping keep my home safe from criminal organisations trying to take advantage of things. [...] One day, however, something weird happened.

CU!Sonia: We saw a portal just open up in front of us during our walk, and we met other friends on the other side!

CU!Sonic: Sure you wanna know what happens next as much as me, so let's cut it here.

D-Sides Mighty (represented by a SEGA Genesis box art)

"Well, let's get this out of the way once more, and I doubt it'll be the last time. So my name's Mighty the Armadillo. As you can see, I'm not red, but purple. I've been generally going my own route in life, but I'm pretty sure you know the basic gist of it; I've helped defend the world from Maria Robotnik, who IS still living in my universe, before you ask, spent plenty of time with my little bro, Ray, and aspired to do things off-the-script.

Of course, you know about those "EXE" things or whatever you call 'em, right? Well, there's a few of them that take my shape instead of that of Claws, for whatever reason. Shows how inconsistent my whole multiverse is, huh? So, fast-forward a bit, I met a sweet kid named Hefty, he fell in love with my version of Honey... Kinda similar to how EV had it on his end. But even with the script loose and literally no sense of "canon", I always find a way to keep on moving, no matter what tries to knock me down. Even with that... MightMurderer entity.

Trust me, I felt that cosmic tremor as much as anybody else did, and me and my crew felt it warranted some investigation. Claws and Tails picked to hang behind just in case anything broke into our universe, while me, Ray, Honey and Hefty came here to figure out just what was going on. Guess we found the answer quicker than I expected, huh?"

Black Knight Amy (represented by the Sonic & The Black Knight cover art)

More than One Universe Intro

"Well, you know the drill. Let's get this explained, one last time. I'm Amy, Amy Rose! I'm sure you know a lot about me; my love for Sonic, my enjoyment in tarot card reading, and my Piko-Piko Hammer packs a punch against Eggman's tricks. Though, one day, things went pretty crazy for me.

I was dragged into the kingdom of Camelot by a spell Merlina cast, and I gained these amazing amulets that allow me to control water. Using them, I was able to calm the Knights of the Round Table and halt King Arthur in his tracks. However, the sword Merlina was with, Caliburn, revolted immediately after, citing that all mistakes are to be vanquished from the "perfect world" he envisioned. It took us both to stop him, and I showed that everybody is flawed, but mistakes make us who we are in the end.

After that, I was allowed to use the amulets outside of Camelot, and Merlina kept the gateway between those worlds open so I can visit anytime I want! I also started crushing on Honey a lot more, hehe. Well, as for how I got here, I felt the big tremor shaking the area and knew it warranted me to check it out. When I came through that portal, that's when I came across a version of Sonic who looked like he was on drugs, and... yeah!"

Into the Sonic-verse Expanded Explanation

"You know, I've found things pretty easy going to begin with! I even got a daily routine going. I wake up, skip workouts since I'm already naturally strong and I don't want to get any muscles, you know? I don't need to do anything with my wondrous hair...

OMT!Tails: You don't use any product on it?

BK!Amy: I only really need strawberry shampoo and a dash of coconut oil to keep it fresh, hehe!

So anyway, I also read my tarot cards daily to plan out my luck, fight some of Eggy's goons, bring fruit for the local Chao Garden in Station Square... The usual stuff! And I even have a quick break for a cup of chai with Yasmine and Samia in Shamar!

OMT!Tails: Chai tea, huh?

(record scratch)

BK!Amy: Tails! "Chai" means "tea"! It's like you're saying "tea tea"! Would I ask you for a "coffee coffee" with a side of "cream cream"? O-Oh! Sorry, heh. Got a little carried away there.

OMT!Tails: Yeah, sorry about that.

Well, I've started hanging out more with Honey as well. She's a really amazing fashion designer, and she's quite strong to boot! And while helping out Sonic, I also help keep good old Camelot safe from harm! Quick tour for you guys; Misty Lake, Camelot Castle, the Deep Woods, Titanic Plain, the Crystal Caves and Molten Mine, Faraway Avalon, Knight's Passage, Shrouded Forest, Great Megalith, the Cauldron, and the Dragon's Lair! Phew, that sure was a lot, huh?"

Ex-Prince Brian (represented by a SEGA Genesis cartridge)

(Will come a little later.)

Hog (represented by the GIGA console)

"Okay, then. I'm getting this off my chest one last time. I'm a bootleg, yes, but I still got my own super-speed on the table! And for a while, I've been the one and only... Hog the Tenrec! Pretty sure you know the rest; met some cool buddies, defeated ol' Dr. Yolkman dozens of times, and showed my rival Fists who's boss.

Well, that was until... HE struck. I lost control of my body, and this hedgehog who accused me and my friends of "replacing" his world laid torment upon my home, until I broke free. Needless to say, I was furious and itchin' to get back at him. Though, it all came at the cost of my world. I shouldn't've survived that, but I got warped out to CrossRealm Sonic's world before I perished.

It took me some time to recover, but I'm still ready to help protect a world no matter what. Because, no matter how many times I'm knocked down, for the sake of my fallen friends, I'll keep on movin'! I got here with Sonic after we felt that soft tremor and some portals popped up at one spot. So, yeah! That pretty much sums it up for me."

Wacky (represented by a special disc of her own)

"Well, let's do this one last time! I'm Wacky the Erizo, a bootleg just like Hog, and I got my own world to boot. I'm kinda sure you know the rest; I saved my world from Dr. Sunnyside, fell in love with Starburst, saved the land a few more times, blah blah blah. You know how it is. I also got sucked into a new land, and met this creepy broken being that called itself "Bizarro".

They tried to possess me, but as long as I kept my eyes shut, they couldn't take full control of me. I really didn't like them. But other than that, you really expect me to take things seriously all the time? I barely take anything seriously. I still remain curious about that big screen in my world's sky, though. Why is someone new always appearing on it...?

Though, I felt that tremor as much as I imagine anyone else did, and it happened to knock Bizarro right out of me. They faded away soon after. After that, while I was glad I was still in full control for good, I knew something needed to be done about whatever the heck happened.

So, Zanie provided me a way between worlds, using that same tech Dr. Sunnyside used to knock us into next week, quite literally in this case. I've seen crazy things, but nothing could be crazier than trying to get a black and red ghost under control just now."

Devy (represented by a comic strip)

(Will come a little later.)

EV!Sonic (represented by a comic strip)

"Yeah, they figured out the reality, so I'm just gonna do this one last time. My name is Maurice. I gained super-speed in my own fashion, and for some time, I've been the one and only... Sonic the Hedgehog! ...of my universe, I mean. Pretty sure you know the rest.

I overcame depression from fans' harsh criticism on my games, beat Phantom Ruby cases THREE times, fell in love with Nova, and saved my world and surrounding universe countless times. Same here as it was in the old timeline. "Old timeline?", I hear you ask?

Well, in that old timeline, I stepped down and passed on the mantle of protecting Mobius to Nitro, who I trained quite well. Though, I lost a close friend there, and we had to put up with a heartless company replacing people with clones of themselves.

Then a whole bright light consumed everything and the entire universe underwent a full-blown reset, if you will. Brian's all safe and sound, the Puhoi Curse is now non-existent, Clover's been enjoying life on the surface again with Frisk and Chara and the other ex-fallen humans, and ol' Eggy's been split between his old self and Mr. Tinker. To be honest, I like Tinker a lot more.

EV!Eggman (in the background): I HEARD THAT! ...Wait, what did you say about timelines?

EV!Sonic: Eh, just ignore him.

So anyway, sometime after Eggman Prime got all these supervillains together in one place to try and kill my original self, Sonic Prime, I met Tekno the Canary with my friends, and the two of us started our elite strike force dedicated to protecting the multiverse. It started with eight of us, and by this point, it's pretty much in the hundreds! And better still, I'm still available to actively keep my world safe from harm.

Me and Nitro already knew what was coming when those portals showed up, and that brings us to this point. Wanna know how it continues? Me too!"

OMT!Tails (represented by his own PC game box)

(Find his here.)

Into the Sonic-verse

"Alright, then. Let's do this one last time. This time, I mean it! My name is Miles Prower. One day, my twin tail became my blessing, Sonic saved me from some bullies, and for the last 33 years, I've been the one and only... Tails! Of my universe, of course. And things have been pretty awesome since I strung out on my own a year and 9 months ago. Catching all sorts of bad guys...

I refurbished my nanomachine suit, with a metal sheen to blend in with robots. Kaede and her siblings moved over to Emerald Town, Dr. Robotnik got graduated as a professor at Balloon Park University, I guest-hosted Speed-Three, endorsed in motion sickness prevention classes, developing a new twist on my electric hand thing...

How much longer can I keep things under a steady hold? I mean, would every world get it if I shared my stories? Eh, maybe in another timeline. Sometimes, I just wish me and Detective Ghost weren't the only ones doing this gig. But I haven't been dwelling too much on it. (cut to him doing child-like sketches of the Blur Gang, a LOT of which are of Mina)

I do miss Sonic and Sally a lot, though. Even with everything that went down with them, I try to do what Sally told me... "Enjoy the future for her". But at the end of the day, I am the hero of Mobius. And nobody can take that away from me!"

Many More Heroes (as a taunt to LM!Sonic)

"My name is Miles "Tails" Prower... [...] I inherited my best friend's mantle because he wanted me to. [...] I'm pretty sure you know the rest, jerk!"

Funkinverse Crossover

Benjamin Miku (Boyfriend of Earth-111723)

"Alright! Let's do this one last time! ...again. My name is Benjamin Miku. I dropped out of high-school, got a snazzy microphone, and for the last 2 years, I've been my universe's one and only... Boyfriend! I'm pretty sure you know the rest. I sang with some people, fell in love with Grace Dearest, fought off the Corruption, befriended the other Dearests... you know the drill! And, uh... I did this. (footage of "Really Happy") Yeah, we don't really talk about this.

Of course, one day, a year after my musical career kickstarted, the gateway to our wider universe opened. One minute, I remember being 17 with Grace, then the next, us and our siblings got younger. I remember me being 13 as part of some "age-halt" last I checked. Though it got me more involved in action and helped me achieve new feats, like becoming the hero I know my world needs and deserves.

And through it all, even with the bumps in the road, I've really enjoyed my career as a fellow successor to my big sister, and being the "Boyfriend" as a whole! And to me, being a kind and selfless soul is what I feel should encapsulate any Boyfriend out there. Music is something that's all around us, everywhere in the whole world. And if we share it with each other in harmony, it really brings us all together.

I may not be the exact same Boyfriend my world intended on, but if anyone needs my help, I'll be ready to do my job! And if you expect me to abide by supposed fate? Nah. I'll be doing things my way, whether you like it or not. In my eyes, anyone can wield the microphone if they wish to, and I'm sure as heck not the only one out there by far. I'm the hero of my own story, and nothing can take that from me!"

Many More Heroes

LM!Sonic (during the prologue) (represented by a picture of his fic of origin's artwork on a printed picture)

"I am Sonic the Hedgehog from Dimension SS-2001. I am part of an elite strike force dedicated to the protection of the multiverse-."

OMT!Mina: Actually, forget it.

LEGO Sonic (based on this) (represented by his LEGO Dimensions pack)

"Alright, let's do this one last time! ...again. My name is Sonic. I gained super-speed from being brick-built, and I became the one and only-! (numerous LEGO Sonic figures, including the bootleg ones, appear around him) Okay, scratch that.

After acquiring a keystone device from Baldy McNosehair, I helped heroes across my multiverse take down Joker, Green Goblin, the Cybermen, Lord Business, GLaDOS, the Wicked Witch of the West... You know, the big ones! I even teamed up with some bad guys to take down Lord Vortech that one time! Although... we don't really talk about that. And I even saved the original LEGO HQ from Eggy when he took the place over!

Anyways, that's just me. What about you?"

(cut to show he was talking to an unamused Crimtake)

Pana Der Hejhog (represented by a SEGA Genesis cartridge)

"Aight. My name is Pana. Pana Der Hejhog. I gained my-. Eh, wouldn't you like to know? And for the past 13 years, I've been the one and only... Look, didn't I state my name to you already? C'mon outta it!

That's when I'm not running around Mystic Island, keeping forced winter at bay, chasing off my Robotnik, chilling out in the sunshine, practicing music with Mina or having a laugh at Gust Planet's bar. I'm no role model, but I was briefly a runway model.

I dislike political fronts, I hate slimy companies, and I'm especially not into labels. I don't call myself a hero despite the good deeds I do, because the absolute jerks in society who claim they're in the right are self-mythologizing narcissistic fools!"

#sonic exe #sonic the hedgehog #spider verse #sth #sonic #sonic fandom #sth au #sonic au #spider man #friday night funkin

10 notes · View notes

disco-elysium-via-polls · 3 months

Text

"The female isn't yours to objectify, not in art nor anywhere else!"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "That's rich coming from you, Tequila. You had some pretty wild views about women last weekend..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "I don't know where he picked up these views, but wherever it was, he seems to be sincere about them."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that mixing art and sex can make you fucking *rich*. Just don't go on a jog, unleashing a cascade of doom that washes it all away."

2. "What's up with the tracksuit?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "What? You never seen 100% Lickra(TM) before? Go on, feel that primo material." The man extends his arm...

Touch it.

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Pretty nice, huh? This might be one of the last of its kind. Should probably be in a museum, honestly." He takes another sip.

INTERFACING [Impossible: Failure] - Good god, it's nearly impossible to describe how dirty this texture is. It's like rubbing two jellyfish skins together. You feel about 15% less human for having touched it.

-1 Morale

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] - Randomized trials have also found Lickra(TM) to be associated with a number of exotic, highly malignant cancers. So you also have that to look forward to.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) [Easy: Success] - And then there's the smell, but you don't even want to think about that.

ROSEMARY - "Wow, you're lucky. He never lets me feel it."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "That's because your paws are fucking filthy, Rosie! We're right next to the bay, you could wash them anytime."

3. "What about the other drunks?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "My fellow members of the Union of Moribund Alcoholics? They're exactly what they look like."

ROSEMARY - "'Ey! Tequila! You wanna buy some speed?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Shut the fuck up, Rosemary! He's a cop, remember?"

ROSEMARY - "I thought he was a cool cop."

DON'T CALL ABIGAIL - "Don't call Abigail!"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "And this is Abs." He points to the man in the pipe. "So yeah, that's basically us. We drink together."

4. "What's this about a lost jacket?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Tequila, it's a verifiable tragedy. It was practically brand new. Sure, it didn't really go with my Lickra(TM) threads, but it did itch a lot less..."

"Say, you're a detective, right?" He looks at you, bleary-eyed. "Maybe you can help ol' Doom Spiral out… solve the case of the missing jacket! What do you say, Tequila?"

"Wait. You're asking a police officer to help find a jacket you stole and then lost?"

"Okay, sure. Where'd you lose it?"

"I don't have time for this."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Yeah, exactly. You're here to serve, right?"

2. "Okay, sure. Where'd you lose it?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "If I knew where I lost it don't you think I'd have it? I mean -- maybe I was up by the boardwalk? Or walking along the beach? Or checking out the abandoned fish market?"

"That's a lot of places."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Somewhere north of here, that's for sure. You could ask around, see if anyone's seen it."

New task: Find Idiot Doom Spiral's jacket

5. "Let me ask you something else." (Conclude.)

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "I'm all ears, Tequila."

4. "Have you got any more stories?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "I do -- but as you can see my fuel tank is running quite low, if you catch my drift..." He spins the bottle in his hand. Not a single drop of liquid remains.

"I don't have any on me right now."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Cotton mouth is keeping my tongue imprisoned." He shrugs his shoulders dramatically.

3. "Be seein' you." [Leave.]

ROSEMARY - "Good to see you, friend! Do I have *deals* set up for you, buddy-boy!" He spreads his arms as if wanting to embrace you.

"What are you talking about?"

"Good to see you too, friend."

"I'm a police officer, not your friend."

ROSEMARY - "So whadda'ya want?" He tilts his head. "I got smokes. They're cheap. Very cheap. I got pilsner. Great deal. You won't get a better deal on that piss... Spirits I can let go for 300 reál. I also have speed. And by *speed* I mean amphetamine."

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - See, there it is, bratushka! -- you feel your necktie *strangle* you with excitement -- the *spirit*! Let's buy the spirit! 300 reál is a lot, but this has to be done.

It's our END GAME.

This is just another stupid drunk idea I'm having, that I'm attributing to my necktie.

This is the mystery and the truth and I need to buy that spirit.

What if I don't want to listen to my necktie anymore?

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - Bratan, you don't understand. It's not just another drink. This is what our relationship has been building towards all these years. This is the climax. The mystery. The virginal sigh.

You *have* to buy it from him. Get it off him. Kill him, if you have to. Our ultimate fate depends on it. And the fate of *many worlds*.

New task: Spirit is eternal

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant looks at you looking at the bottle of spirits. Then at Rosemary, suspiciously.

So, we can buy cheap drugs from Rosemary, including more alcohol if we want to immediately pass it on to Doom Spiral. We very obviously cannot afford the 300 reál spirits.

"Amphetamine?"

"Quite the business venture you've set up here."

"Why does the bottle of spirits cost 300 reál?"

[300 reál] "Here's the money for the spirits."

[2 reál] "I want a pack of smokes."

[1.50 reál] "Here's the money for a pilsner."

[15 reál] "Sell me some speed."

"I'm off." [Leave.]

ROSEMARY - "Aye, by amphetamine I mean speed."

"I think you didn't hear me, when I said I'm a police officer."

"I thought by speed you meant amphetamine?"

"Right. Got it."

ROSEMARY - "Sure did, buddy-boy," he taps the side of his nose. "That's why I said amphetamine. I mean speed. I mean amphetamine. I got both."

"I thought by speed you meant amphetamine?"

ROSEMARY - "Aye, 's'what I said."

"Right. Got it."

ROSEMARY - "Good-good, my man." He takes a chug from his beer bottle. "Now what can I offer ya?"

2. "Quite the business venture you've set up here."

ROSEMARY - "Oh..." He gets a proud gleam in his eyes. "The system's been good to old Rosemary here and I'm milkin' 'er like a bitch goat in the backyard."

"What do you mean?"

ROSEMARY - "You see, friend," he raises his index finger, "man makes his own luck -- and I made mine real good. Got my hands on three bottles of *liqueur exquise*, sold two to the fellows around here and *immediately* invested the profit."

"Bought cigarettes, bought beer, even bought a bit of speed. And look at me now… I got everyone on my hook." He spreads his arms and smiles a crooked toothless smile.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - The hook -- where is it? I can't see it.

#disco elysium #idiot doom spiral #rosemary #don't call abigail #kim kitsuragi #harrier du bois

17 notes · View notes

black-rose-events · 1 year

Text

Villaintine's Day 2023 Prompts: Part 2

Rules | Ways to Participate | Start Here: Choose a Pairing | Finishing Touches

Choose a Scene or Some Dialogue or A Bit of Both!

Now that you've chosen a pairing, it's time to choose a scene…or some dialogue…or both if you so choose!

(Prompts below the cut😈)

Choose a Scene...

They know

Hero knows Villain's identity, Villain doesn't know Hero knows

Villain knows Hero's identity, Hero doesn't know Villain knows

Hero and Villain know each others' identities and try to inconvenience each other as civilians as much as possible

Reporter or Detective

Investigative Reporter keeps getting in the way of Detective’s investigation (for a romantic twist: and keeps putting themselves in danger)

Investigative Reporter is close to unraveling the plot of the century and Detective isn’t ready for their cover to be blown (either corrupt or secretly Hero/Villain!Detective)

Detective who has to investigate a string of crimes and ends up discovering more about Villain than they ever thought they would (could be an identity reveal or a bigger plot or a “the Villain is actually the good guy and X is actually the antagonist)

Kid

Civilian!Kid keeps showing up to Hero’s and Villain’s fights, heckling Hero/Villain and ends up becoming a thorn in both their sides

Other

Hero/Villain who barely escapes/defeats Hero/Villain and knows it's hopeless in the long run but keeps trying - lose the battle, win the war type thing

Hero’s and Villain’s civilian personas are lovers… but Hero and Villain are nemeses

Hero/Villain!Sidekick is the mastermind who’s been foiling Hero/Villain’s attempts, not Hero/Villain [Example: Hero’s sidekick is the mastermind who’s been foiling Villain’s attempts and not Hero, and Villain knows this, trying everything in their power to do away with H!Sidekick]

Choose Some Dialogue

Responses to “I love you”:

"Oh, you poor, poor thing." *laughs hysterically.*

"...What?"

"Oh you lovesick kitten, you fell in love with the wrong person."

*Laughs hysterically.* "Hilarious, impeccable timing."

"I hadn't pegged you for the type to fall in love. I was thinking of angles, researching, trying to figure your actions out. But we both lost. You fell in love and I didn't even think of that being your reason."

"I don't understand." // "Of course you don't. Your brain's all drowned in red roses right now."

"Yes, yes, we get the joke." // "No, I'm not joking." // "Well then, you're an idiot. Or mistaken. Or under a spell." // "No, I'm not!" // "Yes, you are." // "If I was, then I wouldn't still be here arguing after you laughed in my face and just called me an idiot." // "Exactly, if you weren't, then I wouldn't have called you an idiot. You're not in love with me, you just think you are." // "Excuse me?" // "You heard me, you're mistaken, darling."

"Hehe, thanks. Soo, anyway—" // "Wait, what's your reply?" // "Huh?" // "I said I love you" // "Oh, yeah, I said thank you. Thanks. Have a good day." *Turns to leave*

"Aww, sweetheart, no."

"Aww, sweetheart…no."

"Aww, sweetheart. No."

"Cool. Be cooler if someone loved you too."

"If only there was someone out there who loved you."

"Aww, I love me too." *Goes about their day.*

"No, you don't." // "What, of course I do."

"Um. No. You don't. You're in love with the idea of me. Pretty normal, don't worry. I'm sure you'll find someone. Good luck."

[Bonus] "No, but I really do."

[Bonus] *Tears in their eyes* "But..."

Responses to "I'd die for you":

"Then perish."

"Then perish." They said it with steely blank eyes. No emotion on their face.

"Then die."

"Then die." And they punched them in the face and walked over their body.

“Then go ahead,” they said, waving their hand dismissively, “You have my permission.”

"...Cool." They gave a big smile and walked away.

"You will." and pushed them off.

Other Dialogue

Do you trust me? // No. // *shrugs* That's fair

Villainous counterparts to common terms of endearment/salutations like “best regards,” “my bestie,” etc.

Worst regards

My worstie

Soul-hate, hate-mate

I loathe you

I abhor you

My beloathed

Insignificant other

Worse half

Hate makes fools of us all

Hating you was the best decision of my life

Malaphors and wordplay Codex's beloved

We/I'll burn that bridge when we/I get to it

Villainy begins at home

Dishonesty is the best policy

Rules | Ways to Participate | Start Here: Choose a Pairing | Finishing Touches

#writeblr event #writing prompts #prompts #heroes and villains #hero x villain community #villaintine's day #black rose events #hero x villain #villain x villain #villain x civilian #villain #villain prompt #evil #evilcore #villaincore #writeblr #heroes and villains memes

44 notes · View notes

craftartz67 · 2 years

Text

Light The Detective

If Abe ever found out that Avery(DA) was stuck in the mirror because of Dark. I think they would do the same ritual as Celine did with Damien. They would probably be the more stable version of Dark.

Couldn’t decide if Light’s aura should be yellow and green or purple and yellow.

Inspired by @all-i-do-is-write and @staticsketchbook

Light Headcannons:

they/them or He/Him

They still want revenge against dark and Wilford(they by punch bother dark and wil in the face)

Light’s aura are yellow and purple(yellow for Abe and purple for DA)

They still do detective work

Nice, but dramatic and could monologue for hours on end

They still don’t know how to feel about the other egos

But come to have a soft spot for the them and will practically sacrifice their life for them(courtesy of the DA being a sacrificing idiot)

Will harm anyone if any of the egos get hurt

Gets along well with the septic egos

They are extremely powerful and just as dangerous as dark

later on they start to develop feeling for Wilford and Dark

#my art <3 #who killed markiplier #wkm #wkm district attorney #DA #wkm abe #abe the detective #wkm detective #detective light #emergedau #if Abe and Avery(DA) fused #would light still do detective work?#how would wilford or dark react?#wkm au #Avery(TheDA)#Oc!Avery

27 notes · View notes

dotster001 · 1 year

Note

Oh that's exiting!! 🥰 Congrats on the milestone! Wish you many many blessings in this new year of luck and prosperity.

Ab me:

I'm the type who likes solitude and gets excited only around folks that I consider safe and worthy of my time. I'm a believer in principle that people only need you when they want something from you, so choose your peers carefully. Unfortunately, it's a materialistic world and trust issues are formed almost naturally.

I'm very creative and I love art in many forms- whether it be digital drawing, writing or music (female rappers, rock music, pop you've mostly heard of). I'm honest to a fault, people won't like it. They'd think that I'm either a pick-me or high and mighty (I'm not, they're frustrated bc I'm right). However, when I'm with my friends- I'm silly, sweet and caring. I get compliments on my looks, they often say that I'm very feminine (makeup, long dark hair, nice clothes blah blah), intuitive and bright. Although I have insecurities and shortcomings. Whatever.

I love animals. But most of all- the comfort of my own home, more precisely bed (bc I love sleeping :p). I love video games, horrors, thrillers, something that makes my heart race. Especially psychological thrillers, detective series, I consider it food for thought. I play otome bc I'm not in a relationship at the moment.

So I'm watching movies, go shopping and clubbing. I'm also at uni btw (wow how educated :p). Let's be honest- dating scene is not looking very good at the moment. But fortunately- there are ✨anime men✨. Cheers. 🥂

(lmao I feel you about the dating scene, maybe my standards are too high, or I'm 100% aro instead of 50% like my current data suggests, but nothing will ever reach the standard of anime men, especially in fanfiction 😂 honorable mention to Asmo, btw, but...)

I match you with Satan.

It was the detective shows. Let's be real, he really really really wants someone who can watch detective shows with him. Just so you know, the next step is gonna be to make you solve unsolved crimes with him. You'll be the Watson to his Sherlock, right?

You don't have time for idiots? Neither does Satan! You guys can hang together. I'm imagining you both reading quietly in his library, and just holding hands 🥺. (Bonus points if you write a fanfic of the two of you for him…..he will die!) Also, he'd never think you're a pick me. He knows you're you, and that's that.

I'm also imagining you both sneaking cats into the House of Lamentation. You animal lovers are going to have to be very sneaky, but I believe the two of you can outsmart Lucifer if you work together.

You might have to remind him to take care of himself. Once he's in a relationship, that's his entire focus! He has to keep his human safe and happy! But use that heart of yours to remind him that you also want him to be healthy and happy, and to remind him that it's okay to express his wrath from time to time, as long as no one gets hurt. Help eachother.

He will go shopping with you, as long as you let him buy you both matching things. Sometimes it's a plushie he likes, sometimes it's a shirt he saw you eyeing, but a part of him feels really happy getting you things, and matching with you. It reminds him this relationship is real, and you're not using him for status.

Satan entered your room trying to look nonchalant, but clearly pouting.

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing kitten," he sighed, sitting on your bed. "It's just, it's Wednesday…"

He trailed off, and you muttered, "Wednesday…." under your breath.

"Oh! Wednesday!" You smacked your forehead, "Right, we're supposed to solve crimes today! Sorry, I've got too much homework from my classes today, and I totally forgot."

"It's fine," he said with a soft smile. "I figured. I just thought I'd tease you before I offered to help."

He gently rested his chin on top of your head.

"But in exchange, we have to solve double the crimes next Wednesday."

"Deal," You laughed before showing him your homework.

He looked at it and groaned.

"Let's do this at a cat cafe instead. That'll be way more relaxing."

Before you could say anything, he was collecting your papers into your bag, and grabbing your wrist, dragging you off to a cat cafe.

#matchups #1.5k followers #obey me x reader #obey me #satan x reader #obey me satan

11 notes · View notes

abe-the-detective-blog · 1 year

Text

Abe headcanons because these made me happy

————————————

-Abe knows how to play the trumpet and is very good at it

-will blush like a idiot if people see him baby talking animals

-if he hears a baby crying he will often try and make the baby giggle or laugh.

-taught Gunther how to dance

-like Gunther who loves birds Abe is a marine biology nerd

-loves baking and making little sweet treats (he did it a lot with his grandmother)

-if he has a lover or a crush he does that little heart thing with his first initial and his crush or lovers first initial

-gets sad when a animal dies in a movie (not like crying but like “awww poor baby”)

-has matching little tattoos for his brothers (glasses with a bee for Hank and sunglasses and a gun for Gunther)

-the one his brothers have for him his a detective badge with heart next to it.

-gets kinda clingy for attention if he’s really sleepy (he may be dead but still needs rest) will understand if his partner says no to going to bed but If like 2 or 3 hours pass he will pick them up and carry them to bed anyways

-cuddles in his sleep (holds his pillow or lover in his sleep a lot) but won’t admit it

-knows a bunch of card tricks that he teaches to kids sometimes

(All I can think off at the top of my head will make more though.)

(Currently all I’m imagining is shit with Abe and Benjamin. I blame @shadowproxy22 you’ve made me ship them! I can’t hate you for it lol)

#abe the detective headcanons #ask abe the detective #the detective and butler❤️

9 notes · View notes

multiimadness · 2 years

Text

(for abe) Even knowing what Wilford's done, you still vouch for him? So much for standing for justice or avenging your partner. He killed your friends. He's a dangerous fool, and you're even more so for trusting him again so easily. / Anonymous

make my muse upset / accepting

❝ First of all , if you think I gave him my trust easily , the only goddamn idiot here is YOU . ❞ The detective scowls . ❝ Second of all -- justice ? I wasted years of my life on his case , only to find out that none of it actually mattered . That everything I knew was a LIE . That this . . . spiral of vengeance and hate was only given to me to make my story interesting . And it's the same FUCKING spiral that caused all of this shit to begin with ! ❞

❝ You think that's justice ? An endless loop of getting back at each other ? Hurting everyone around you just so you can feel like you've won something ? Letting your little revenges get more and more extreme , until one of you either gives up or dies ? Because newsflash , asshole ; you're never gonna be satisfied with anything if you think that's justice . ❞ He huffs .

❝ Yes , he hurt people that I cared about . He hurt me . I can't forgive him for that . But I can still move forward . ❞ Abe takes a moment to calm himself down , taking in a deep breath . ❝ Maybe it's best you do , too . ❞

#veritas odit moras / ic:abe.#interview / asks.#//congrats anon you win! your reward is abe ranting at you ajdhejdh

2 notes · View notes

zahri-melitor · 11 months

Text

New(ish) (very ISH) comics of the week:

Power Girl Special #1: Gotta be honest, I went back and forth about reading this, but the fact it has a Bea and Tora backup decided me. I find Peej to generally be either very good or dreadful, with no in between, mostly because she’s only good when her writer is taking her seriously (even if they’re writing fluff). (Also I have no clue what she’s been up to for the last oh 15 years or so, so going in cold).

Bea and Tora are adorable as is standard. I see this is the intro for their upcoming mini (and I have to laugh that Clark’s panicked response to everything at this point is ‘pack them off to Ma and Pa’ when he has no other solution).

Power Girl - I’ve got to admit I had to look up why she’s now using ‘Paige’ as a name rather than Karen, and I’m still confused. I mean, random name retcons aren’t UNUSUAL for Peej, but I’m clearly still missing the justification for this one, as it doesn’t seem to be “we changed your origin again” (the previous good old reasons). Otherwise - angsty, feeling left out due to being from another universe (have you spoken to Kon about this? I’m sure he can sympathise at this point), and with several new talents, including what looks AWFULLY like a Superboy Prime Punch skill. (Who are we resurrecting this time?)

Still undecided if I’ll read the new ongoing. Fire and Ice will be a definite though.

Dead Boy Detectives #1: it’s fine? Sort of creepy-cute. Mostly I’m worried as Thessaly is involved.

Action Comics #1050: always nice to use a round number comic for a retcon, I feel. I double checked and Superboy slots in after this and before the next issue, so time frame wise this works for a pick up. (Lex is an idiot but that’s not new).

World’s Finest B/S #1-10: this was just a VERY good time. I love how it’s rotating various characters in and out to tell stories, giving a wider feel to the world. I love the art and all the callbacks being slotted into place. Just a series that rewards people who love DC.

Warlord #4: It’s my very old comic! What’s Travis Morgan up to today? I adore how most clothing in Skartaris, a place of constant warfare, is pinned half-heartedly together with massive amounts of skin on display. Who needs armour when you have a fur bikini or an open chested unitard anyway. Deimos is rocking a v-collared red bolero COAT and a pair of short shorts with a draped skirtbelt, leaving him with his décolletage AND his abs AND his thighs on display. Snazzy. In any case, today’s story is about siege warfare and summoning demons. Travis somehow avoids getting tied up. Never mind, I’m sure Mike Grell will be back on his crucifixion thing next week.

The stunning Deimos, everyone. This outfit has STYLE (and a back but no front)

#newish comics

1 note · View note

ecoamerica · 2 months

Text

youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

17K notes · View notes

liarinlife · 4 years

Text

tags.

[more perhaps to be added!]

#i’m going to make something beautiful / hc #it’s all your fault / introspection #laugh like you mean it! / humour #playwright and performer / writing #same snake different skin / aesthetic #it’s about you / promo #it’s about me / self promo #blood on his hands / william #pure as the driven snow / damien #don’t trust the seer / celine #that idiot detective / abe #the villain in black / darkiplier #the madman in pink / wilford warfstache #the director with too many eyes / the manor entity #the footnote / during or pre-wkm #the spelling error / damien project #the story begins / post wkm #life is for the queued / queue #circle takes the square / roleplay wishlist #welcome welcome one and all / i.c.#threads of fate / roleplay thread #it’s not about me / rp meme #something old something new / verse i #something borrowed something blue / verse ii #liarinlife / housekeeping #liarinlife / info #liarinlife / personal #liarinlife / ooc

2 notes · View notes

ms-sakurai · 6 years

Photo

We live a dying dream If you know what I mean All that I’ve ever known

Happier times, before Wkm

179 notes · View notes

faeriescorpio · 2 years

Text

Damien Time Travel Ch 9

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014884/chapters/93502435

Am i insane? yes. how am i going to juggle Damien and William having a secret conversation while Abe is spying on them? Poorly. Read on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, October 3rd, 1922, 11 am. One week until the party.

Damien closed his eyes, trying to quell the rising panic. He was doing good, he told himself. Already he knew he had saved at least one life, the district attorney's, if not even 3. It was just a matter of talking to William and keeping Celine away until after Mark’s party comes and goes.

…And maybe keeping William from killing whatever boyfriend Celine apparently has.

He sat in the same seat as the last time he had met with William here, and it was 11 am exactly. He was supposed to be at work now- not that there was anything more important than this. The district attorney would cover for him, anyway- although he’d have to fend off their smile when they inevitably found out who he skipped work for. They were always telling him to go out and make more friends- they’d be ecstatic to discover that he’s improving an old friendship. Maybe after all this, he could invite them along with him to meet William. He had a feeling they would get on like a house on fire.

The bell on the door rang as someone entered the cafe, and Damien glanced over, hoping to see William.

His stomach swooped nervously as he made eye contact with Abe, who glanced at him nonchalantly before sitting at a table nearby and ordering a black coffee.

Damien quickly looked away, trying to keep his face from giving anything away. As far as Abe was concerned, Damien didn’t know him, and didn’t know that Abe was spying on him.

And it was good Abe was here, he told himself. William wanted to get a look at Damien’s detective follower. It was necessary for showing William how shady Mark was being. He’d just have to find a way to subtly point William in Abe’s direction without giving the game away, and before William said anything incriminating that Abe could tell Mark.

Damien looked down at his own coffee, practically boring a hole into the mug with his eyes to avoid looking up at Abe. He could feel the detective looking at him, his eyes burning into the mayor.

The door’s bell rang again, and Damien’s head shot up, a mixture of relief and alarm filling him as William entered the cafe and immediately made his way towards Damien, eyes roaming around to glare at all of the customers in the shop suspiciously. He made his way into the seat across from Damien.

"Colonel," Damien rushed to greet him first. Hopefully, by addressing William by his title would alert the paranoid man to the fact that they were being watched.

"...Mayor," William returned, eyes narrowed.

"It's nice of you to meet me," Damien delved into the conversation, ready to dance the fine line and play the game of words. It had been ages since he had to use much double-speak, his future self so inclined to stating everything bluntly without anyone who held a real threat to him there to argue.

"I was worried that you'd be late," Damien continued onward. "You do have a habit of getting... waylaid." The Colonel stared at him for a long moment, and the mayor mentally kicked himself as he realized that in trying to express his worry and in trying to tell William that they were being listened in on, he made it sound like he was asking if William had dropped by Celine's. Which, he supposed, was something he intended to ask anyway, but maybe with more gentleness.

"I came straight here," William replied bluntly, and leaned forward to whisper directly into Damien's ear. "Is he here?"

Damien kept his face blank as he resisted the urge to scream. He didn't know why he bothered. William had never heard of discrete even once in his life.

"I had work today," He said instead of directly answering William's question. "My job as the mayor is very strenuous, and I couldn't help but take the day off to spend it with you. Just hanging out normally. But even off-duty, the work of a mayor is never done. Everything I do is in the eyes of the public." It wasn't great, but hopefully it would do.

William glanced at the rest of the cafe out of the corner of his eye. So he got that part of the message. "With such a job, I imagine every moment of your life is strenuous," William agreed, and Damien refused to let his eyebrows twitch upward in surprise. So the Colonel could have some tact.

"I'm never off the clock until I reach my home," Damien allowed a smile to grace his face. "Perhaps you can come by my house later?" He quickly did some math. Abe was sitting at Damien's 11 o'clock, but asking William to come to his house at 11am wasn't feasible, since it was past 11 am. And asking William to come to his house at 11pm was... well. He wasn't sure what Abe or Mark would think of him inviting the Colonel over at such a late hour. But His 11 o'clock was the Colonel's 5 o'clock. But if he said 5, then the Colonel would think he was talking about from his own view...

"At 1600 hours? Does that work for you?" He asked, and immediately the Colonel's eyebrows furrowed. He hoped that William could make the stretch he had.

"You're using military time?" he asked.

"Well, I thought it'd be better to use your time," Damien lifted his tone, making it sound like a joke. He added a chuckle, but William straightened up slightly.

"Say," William asked abruptly. "Does this place have a bathroom?" He turned his head and glanced around the room. To his credit, he barely lingered in Abe's direction.

"I'm afraid not, old friend," Damien replied.

"Ah, that's too bad," William sighed dramatically, and slumped in his seat. Damien refused to jump in the air as he felt William place his foot on top of the mayor's shoe. He couldn't help the way his eyebrows drew together as William began tapping his foot against Damien's.

There was a rhythmic pattern to it, and Damien blinked. Oh. Of course, the Colonel would use morse code. he didn't think Abe could see their feet from this angle.

Deerstalker? William asked, and Damien risked a glance over at Abe, confused for a moment, before he put it together. The deerstalker hat Abe wore. It was reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes, and frankly Damien was surprised that he hadn't put it together before then.

"Say, old chap, is that your normal order of coffee?" William asked, providing a verbal cover for their silence.

"Yes," Damien replied. Technically, he had added more sugar than he was used to, but the Damien of this time still had a bit of a sweet tooth. Dark hadn't had anything but black coffee in a long time. But it didn't matter; Damien would have replied yes anyways, just to agree with the morse code. He bumped his shoe once against the Colonel's for emphasis. William's eyes darkened.

"I'll have to try it next time," The hunter replied darkly, and got out of his chair. "It would just give me the shits, and I already need to use the bathroom." Damien ignored the last line, reaching for his cane to follow William out of his seat.

"You should go to work, Dames," Will said roughly, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I'd hate for you to have any work to do instead of partying with your district attorney. I'll see you at 5."

"Wait." Damien scrambled out of his chair. He wracked his mind for a subtle way to say what he wanted, but he couldn't. He hurried forward.

"You'll tell me if Celine calls you, right?" William paused. He knew what Damien was begging for.

"One would hope she calls her brother first," The Colonel replied, and locked eyes with the mayor. "I would."

Damien smiled wanly. It sounded like William was promising to tell Damien before he did anything stupid. He'd take what he can get.

"One would hope." he straightened his suit and adjusted the grip on his cane. "I'll see you later, Colonel."

"See you later, Dames." William hustled off and Damien breathed for a moment, running through the last few sentences to see if anything was off. Something that was said was setting off alarms in his mind, but he couldn't locate the exact sentence. He shook his head. If anything, it would just confuse Abe. Surely whatever was said wasn't hard enough evidence worth reporting to Mark about. Besides, he didn't think Abe had listened in on their last few interactions, so how was the detective to know what was suspicious or what was some sort of inside joke?

Besides, William was always eccentric, Damien thought, making his way toward the door. Surely he would do strange things, it's part of his nature. He stepped outside, noting that Abe was paying for his own coffee and getting up to leave, no doubt to follow him.

He headed to work, trying to dispel his worries. He was fine. They were all fine.

A phone was ringing.

The District Attorney popped their head into Damien's office. There was no one there, of course. He had gone to eat brunch with the Colonel, and the attorney was only too glad to step in for their friend. They headed to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello? Is Mayor Damien there? It's Mark."

1 note · View note

jujumin-translates · 2 years

Text

&0 Character Intros | Hello Detective Agency

Hidden in Kabukicho, Shinjuku lies a detective agency only known to those in the know. They accept even the most unusual cases, as long as they are “interesting”.

Reiji Yuuki - 結城怜二

CV: Tomokazu Seki

“You can just go and dump your boring common sense in front of the arch on the Kabukicho main street.”

An enigmatic and incredibly genius detective with one rule: “Whether I’m interested or not.”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The head of a widely known detective agency in the Kabukicho area. He’s respected by both the police and yakuza alike.

No one has seen him angry for as long as the agency has been open.

His private life is shrouded in mystery, and his private room at the back of the office is strictly off limits.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Head of the Hello Detective Agency - Head of the Yuuki Unit)

Age - 35

Height - 181cm

Birthday - August 20

Blood Type - O

Likes - Being amused and surprised

Weakness - Expressing his true emotions

Fun Fact - He can play the piano

Yuuto Kazehare - 風晴優人

CV: Nobunaga Shimazaki

“Keep in mind. Everyone makes mistakes, except for me.”

The son of a distinguished family who is running against the elite course to be an exceptional ace detective. He is seamless in all aspects and not very amiable.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

A serious, perfectionist ace detective.

He is the elite son of a distinguishing family, but he is now striving to make the Hello Detective Agency the No. 1 in Japan.

He has a surprisingly childlike face when his bangs are down, and is said to be cute when he smiles.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Yuuki Unit)

Age - 25

Height - 183cm

Birthday - April 4

Blood Type - A

Likes - Watching animal videos

Weakness - Getting close to women

Fun Fact - Cute when he’s drunk

Hiroki Shouji - 東海林広樹

CV: Ryouhei Kimura

“I can’t see the future. Not until I seal the memory of that day.”

A perverse, harsh, handsome young man who feigns innocence. Sleep heals his hyperthymesia.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

A harsh detective who is handsome in every aspect.

He is very popular within his field, but avoids building relationships.

Maybe it’s because he’s out and about at night, but he’s got a habit of snoozing off in the office during the day.

They say he laughs a lot when he’s drunk.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Yuuki Unit)

Age - 24

Height - 174cm

Birthday - March 15

Blood Type - B

Likes - Going out walking at night

Weakness - Alone time

Fun Fact - He has no sense of direction

Naito Hanazawa - 花澤聖騎士

CV: Wataru Hatano

“Please count on me for anything. When I’m able to help someone out, I feel like it’s okay to live.”

The conscience of the agency. He’s No. 1 in the firm in terms of dealing with clientele and a ruthlessly skilled hacker that shows no mercy against adversaries.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

A seemingly friendly hacker.

He has lived the life of a criminal before due to circumstances and understands the criminal mindset well.

He cares about his friends, but is unforgiving to his enemies. He seems like the most gentle person in the office, but he has a secret about his origins…

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Himura Unit)

Age - 22

Height - 180cm

Birthday - October 8

Blood Type - A

Likes - The sea

Weakness - Getting to know people well

Fun Fact - He doesn’t like his name

Sunao Koshimizu - 直輿水

CV: Chiharu Shigematsu

“I don’t need anyone but Senpai. I only like Senpai.”

A lonely, specialized, puppy-like prince with no place to go back to. He doesn’t trust anyone but his “Senpai”.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

A former homeless apprentice detective.

He has many abilities and virtues, but is completely unaware of them due to being utterly devoted to the protagonist. He stubbornly believes that he is a worthless and empty person.

He really believes it makes him an idiot to inadvertently trust people, even when he’s hurt.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Part-time Apprentice Detective

Age - 19

Height - 167cm

Birthday - June 12

Blood Type - AB

Likes - Being around his Senpai

Weakness - Facing himself

Fun Fact - Fluent in many languages

Keisuke Sorata - 空田圭介

CV: Yuusuke Kobayashi

“That doesn’t matter. If you’re alive, you’re succeeding, right?”

An idol-faced former mercenary that does things at his own pace. His smile is the strongest life-form in Kabukicho.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

He’s a former mercenary and one of the most martial detectives in the agency.

Even though he chooses to live a carefree life without attachments, his mind sometimes chooses to be on the battlefield. He has a high alcohol tolerance.

He believes in living life to the fullest, because when you die, that’s it. However, he does believe in a heaven.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Yuuki Unit)

Age - 29

Height - 170cm

Birthday - November 29

Blood Type - B

Likes - To always be moving

Weakness - Office work

Fun Fact - He returned to his home country as a child

Takumi Himura - 火村匠

CV: Youhei Akazami

“You’re under my care from today on. You can be spoiled in any way you’d like.”

A high-spec lawyer who’s filled with open-mindedness. He’s a sleeping mad dog who has sworn his allegiance to the boss.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

He’s a lawyer/detective who spoils his clients. He’s Yuuki’s right-hand man and his unparalleled caretaker.

For some reason, he always hides his lawyer’s badge in his jacket pocket.

He’s an incomparably caring and dependable adult, but he used to have it rough.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Head of the Himura Unit)

Age - 31

Height - 178cm

Birthday - February 22

Blood Type - O

Likes - Spoiling others

Weakness - Depending on others

Fun Fact - He’s afraid of losing his temper

Touma Yamagami - 山神斗真

CV: Kazuyuki Okitsu

“These hands are the hands of a sinner… The cursed hands of a killer.”

A former genius surgeon who calls himself ✝️The Dark Clown✝️. He is a jovial, danger-seeking man with a death wish.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

He’s a former genius surgeon, now detective, looking for a place to die.

A chuunibyou who proclaimed himself ✝️The Dark Clown✝️. He smokes to shorten his life expectancy.

It’s said that he reverts to his natural state when drunk and speaks in Kansai dialect.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Yuuki Unit)

Age - 33

Height - 178cm

Birthday - July 16

Blood Type - AB

Likes - Taking care of people and animals

Weakness - Overly happy

Fun Fact - He’s a secret smoker

Jouji Shiratori - 譲治白鳥

CV: Ryota Asari

“I like beautiful things. However… I very much hate my own face.”

A master of disguise and the use of the magic of makeup. A glutton with genderless beauty.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

They’re a genderless detective in charge of disguises. They like beautiful things, yet very much hate their own face.

They claim, “Makeup is a gentle magic that bridges the gap between one’s own ideal and reality.” They’re said to be a skinny, gluttonous, fast eater who eats a ghastly amount of food in an elegant way.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Occupation - Detective (Himura Unit)

Age - 26

Height - 176cm

Birthday - November 2

Blood Type - B

Likes - Eating heartily

Weakness - Laughing out loud

Fun Fact - Has superhuman strength

#&0 #and zero #&0 translation #and zero translation #// not an a3! TL but i’ve had my eye on this game for a bit now !#decided to take a crack at TLing the intros now that they’ve got full ones on the site #i’ll prolly finish the rest of the chara intros and then just wait til it releases to see if i’ll continue TLing for it #also side note: i guarantee even less accuracy with this in particular bc oh god the level of japanese they use is so much higher than a3!’s

31 notes · View notes