#that im not sure whether i skipped or not) and im not down enough for seinfeld thank god for that

[ilargeicontradictmiself]

I need to read i know it will fix me at the very least while im doing it

[iheartcake123]

Hi , i have a request, I wanted to know if you could do a cha hyunsu x fem reader , where in season 1 , reader is pregnant but doesn’t get a chance to tell Hyun su , and in season 2 , reader and baby boy run into Hyun su and everyone at the hospital, so baby boy runs off after friend (monster) or something and Hyun su /monster form finds out about the tie son with reader 💕if so thank you so much I’ve been asking so many people😭💕

hello!! thank you for your request, it was really fun to write but im so sorry it took so long to write!!🫶 here’s the fic for you ( i also adjusted the timeline so that it makes more sense, so rather than it being less than a year time skip like the show, it’s now a 1 year and 6 month time skip) <3 i feel like this could have a part 2 but im unsure so lmk what you think!!!

cha hyun-su x f!reader for @dadyscumslutprincess20

warnings:none

Masterlist

you stared down at the pregnancy test in your hand, your breath shaking and your hands trembling. you were in complete disbelief. there was no way it was real. right?

with a gulp, you wrapped the pregnancy test in some tissue and shoved it into your pocket. you were trying to think about the timeline and ways to tell hyun-su specifically. after all, he deserved to know the most.

when was the best time to tell him? how would you bring it up? and how would he react? these were all the questions that ran through your mind.

as time went on at green home apartments, you tried to approach the topic when you were with hyun-su but each time for some reason you found yourself unable to do so. whether it be because of certain circumstances or whether it be because your words kept getting caught in your throat.

for some reason you were unable to tell him.

and then when you finally built up the courage to tell him, hyun-su had given himself up to the military.

after making it out safely from green home apartments, you separated from the rest of your friends and tried to look for hyun-su.

but as months passed, you began to lose hope. you also had other things to focus on. as your due date approached you hid out in an abandoned hospital. it was the best place to be as it was safe and convenient.

and soon enough you gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

before you knew it, it had been over one and a half years since you’d last seen hyun-su. and your baby boy was now just over 10 months old. he was already starting to crawl and life keeping him hidden and safe was harder than ever since he’d always manage to crawl away when you least expected it.

the day started like usual. you woke up early, fed your son and began your daily tasks of making sure the abandoned hospital was as safe as it could be.

you carried your son on your hip as you made your way to the area you usually would sleep in. you were going to put your son down for a short nap, that was until you heard noises that sounded like feet.

you put your son down and drew out your gun. you checked the entire floor you were on just in case but there wasn’t anyone or anything that you could see. you let out a breath of relief when you didn’t find anything but when you went back to your sleeping area to check on your son, your heart dropped.

he was gone.

you began to panic.

maybe he’d just crawled somewhere?

you searched the entire floor again but he was no where to be found. you hurriedly rushed to the floor below. you cautiously looked around, you knew that sometimes start monsters would wander the halls.

your heart beat pounded in your chest. you could hear a baby cooing. you followed the sound and rushed to the room it sounded like it was coming from.

as soon as you entered the room, you saw some familiar faces.

you immediately recognised eun-yu and hyun-su. but you didn’t recognise the third person with them. on the floor nearby, there sat a small monster playing with your son.

“y/s/n!” you breathed a sigh of relief as you ran to pick up and cradle your child.

“y/n?you’re alive?” eun-yu couldn’t believe her eyes.

you let out a smile and nodded your head and she rushed to hug you.

“is he yours?” she then asked and you smiled as you handed him to her.

“meet y/s/n, my son” you whispered and she looked towards the guy you’d never met before.

“this is chan-young” eun-yu briefly mentioned and you sent him a smile.

your eyes then wandered to hyun-su. something about him was different, his eyes were a deep dark blue colour and his expression wasn’t one that you recognised. his whole demeanour had changed and yes, while you hadnt seen him im over a year, you still knew him.

you furrowed your eyebrows trying to figure out why he was so different and as soon as you saw him smirk, you instantly knew.

this was hyun-su’ monster form that was out.

“y/n” he eyes looked you up and down as he licked his lips.

“hyun-su” you swallowed hard as hyun-su then made his way towards you.

“have you missed me?” he tilted his head to the side and brought his hand up to brush a stray piece of hair out of your face.

“you’re not hyun-su” you brushed him off.

“but i am, i know all his thoughts, feelings and desires” he looked at your lips when he said the last part.

“leave her alone!” eun-yu suddenly snapped and you turned to her.

“it’s okay” you reassured her and gestured for her to go out the room with your son.

she soon left and chan-young followed.

“where’s hyun-su?” you turned to hyun-su’ vessel in front of you.

“it just hurts now y/n. i am hyun-su but, if you’re talking about our weak side then you should know he’s currently healing. if i didn’t take over he would’ve died so you should really thank me. you must know i can’t have him dying on me” he let out a scoff towards the end.

“when will the other hyun-su be back?” you questioned.

“not for a while..so let’s catch up. it seems that a lot has happened- you have a child. is it ours?”

“it’s hyun-su’ child’” you corrected him.

hyun-su’ monster form chuckled. he noticed all the little details. how you played with your sleeve when you were nervous and how you shifted your weight uncomfortably as you tried to avoid looking directly at him.

he was going to use it to his advantage.

“so, that baby is part mine too” he leaned close to your face and you felt your heart beat quicken “you know? i feel what hyun-su feels and more. tell me y/n, what do you want?”

you closed your eyes, skin tingling as you felt hyun-su’ breath on your skin because of how close he was.

“i-“ you began but were cut off when your son suddenly ran into the room.

in an instant you picked him up and he squirmed in your arms as he then tried to reach over to hyun-su.

you were hesitant but there was a slight glint in hyun-su’ eyes that seemed familiar so you handed the child over to him.

“and who might you be?” hyun-su’ tone changed as he tickled the little boy.

you raised an eyebrow, confused at how quickly hyun-au’ monster form was able to change his demeanour to resemble something similar to the original hyun-su.

maybe they weren’t so different after all.

[ikigaisvt]

sleepy

in which your boyfriend comforts you after a restless night.

pairing: joshua x gn!reader words count: 1.6k content: comfort, fluff warnings: talk of insomnia, eating, talk of drinking, petnames (for reader: babe, baby, sweeheart / for joshua: josh, love), skinship (cuddles, kisses) note: hi!! the joshua brainrot has been hitting hard lately; im kinda in love,, thank you so much @goblinvern for proof reading this for me 🫶 you're the absolute best! minors are allowed to interact with this post but please don't follow or i'll hard block you. enjoy and don't forget to leave a like/comment/reblog! note 2.0: i wasn't planning on posting this fic before the new year, but since i had it sitting in the drafts and it's joshua's day, i thought it'd be a good timing to post it now~ i hope everyone will have a good 2024 and happy birthday to shua!! 🫶

You were pretty sure if people would have to describe you, they’d use that word: admirative. You were one to always be left in awe at people’s talents, whether it be singing, drawing, dancing or truly anything else. Even though you were creative yourself, you’d always be admirative of what people could create out of their minds only. But if you had to say the one skill that would leave you speechless, as it is not one you possess, it’s being able to function with little to no sleep.

Okay, let’s redo this. If you’re being truthful, people would more likely describe you as sleepy. You were someone who always loved sleeping; however, sleep did not like you. You were never like one of those people who could sleep anywhere and through anything, you were rather on the more sensitive side when it came to sleeping. Over the years, you had put together a very strict routine you had to follow every night to ensure a restful sleep. But oh, if you had the bad idea or the bad luck to skip or miss a step? You’d end up falling asleep at 1 am and waking up at 5 am. And that’s exactly what happened yesterday night. Now, you’re used to this so surely you would know how to handle your own state and have the most productive day despite your tiredness. However, because the world never gives enough hardships to one, you were sometimes faced with a special kind of tiredness. A tiredness that would make you stick to anyone’s side. A tiredness that would make you hug a person and never let go. And when that happened, well, no amount of self-knowledge could make you change for the day. But maybe you have something to thank the world for: it gave the loveliest and gentlest boyfriend ever. And he loves cuddles.

10 am – 5 hours since I’ve been awake. He should be awake pretty soon; you think to yourself. Here you were, perched on the kitchen stool, an empty bowl of cereal in front of you, waiting for your boyfriend to wake up so you could cuddle. When you first woke up, you had hoped you would fall back asleep immediately, even though that rarely happened for you, so you didn’t even think of cuddling. But when you realized you would not fall asleep, you decide to get up and go about your day, already looking forward to your afternoon’s nap. All you did was settle down on your couch and put on your favorite show – The Vampire Diaries and around 9am, when hungriness settled down in the pit of your stomach, you got up and made yourself a bowl of cereal. You don’t know what triggered your need to hug your boyfriend – maybe the chill air that settled in your apartment as winter is coming closer or maybe the fact that you haven’t seen him a lot lately, but all you have been thinking about since then was him. Him and his arms enveloping you. Him and his scent making your head spin. Him and his fingers playing with your hair. Him, him, him. Now, you could have woken him up but knowing he came back home around 2 am – as he was out drinking with Jeonghan – you didn’t find it in you to ruin his sleep.

“10:30 am – he really should be awake by now,” you say out loud before you hear the water running in your bathroom. You slowly lean and peek at your hallway only to see Joshua walk down towards you – more like, towards the kitchen, his hair sticking out in weird angles while he rubs the sleep away from his eyes.

“Sweetheart,” he calls out to you once he gets closer, “Since when have you been awake?” he asks, worries written all over his face. He knows how much you struggle with sleeping.

“I woke up around 5,” you mumble as he starts making himself a cup of coffee. At your words he turns around to look at you, gives up on his coffee and comes around the kitchen bar.

“Oh babe,” he says, his hands reaching for your face, cupping your cheeks gently, “Is it because of me? Did I wake you up?” he questions, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

“No, you’re fine. You know how it gets for me sometimes,” you reassure him, your hands holding on his wrists.

“Okay, okay,” he says, “What can I do? Do you want to stay in bed while I clean around? Today is cleaning day, right?” he asks, trying to come up with a way to make today easier for you.

“Well, cleaning day is reported to tomorrow,” you chuckle, lighting up the situation, “but there’s something I’d really like,” you mumble, trying to work up the courage to ask him for cuddles.

“Yes, tell me. Anything for you,” he nods, his hands now resting on your neck, his fingers playing with the little hair at the back of your head.

“You promise you won’t make fun of me?” you ask him, holding out your hand in a pinky promise.

“Of course. I promise I won’t make fun of you,” he states, as he meets your hand in the same promise, a glint of mischievousness appearing in his eyes, “You want cuddles, don’t you?” he asks in a smile.

“How did you know?” you gasp, not knowing what could have given you up. But truly, Joshua knew as soon as he looked at you. He couldn’t pin point what gave you away either but he’s sure it’s there somewhere, in your shiny eyes, in your slight pout or maybe it’s the way your body is leaning into his, faster, closer, than usual.

“You always ask me to not make fun of you before asking for cuddles,” he chuckles, trying to come up with an answer without giving away how much he loves you, “and I always tell you I will not. Never.” He says, planting a kiss on your forehead, “Especially not when you’re being so open with what you need. You know I’ll always try to provide whatever you need for you.” Okay, he thinks to himself, maybe I did give myself away with that one.

“Thank you, Josh,” you murmur, your hands finding his shirt, as you pull him towards you so he can stand between your legs, “Just like this. For a few seconds.” You tell him, your voice even quieter as you bury yourself in his chest. You feel his arms reach behind you, rubbing your head and your back in slow motion, bringing you the comfort you were wishing for. Your body slowly relaxes, your hands untighten against his shirt and your breath becomes slower, little sighs leaving you as you realize that this is feeling rested. This is what love feels like. This is what home feels like.

“Feels good?” he whispers, his hand now drawing circles on your back, your response coming in the form of a nod, “You want to move to the couch?” he asks as you mumble yes against his shirt, slowly leaving his embrace. You look up at him, your eyes meeting as he reaches for your face, slowly coming closer to your lips. Just as you close your eyes and your lips are about to meet, he whispers something about the couch and suddenly you’re hoisted up in the air, his arms around you.

“There we go, baby,” he says as he kisses your forehead, blush creeping on your cheeks at how much he’s covering you with love, “Hold on tight,” he whispers, your arms finding rest on his shoulders as he holds you closer to his chest.

He slowly makes his way to the couch, the slight movement of his steps almost lulling you to sleep, to that state you always struggle to find on your own. And yet with him, it’s so easy. So easy you find yourself sleepier than before, as Joshua sets you down on the couch, his arms open to allow you the rest you deeply deserve. Your cheek is pressed against his chest, his heart like a lullaby to you while he strokes your hair out of your face.

“You’re good now?” he whispers as he plants another kiss on your head.

“Hm, yeah. Thank you, love,” you whisper, already feeling sleepier than a few minutes ago as he strokes your back.

“Please, don’t thank me,” he starts, “always come find me when you can’t sleep, okay? Call me and I’ll come running. Tell me and I’ll drop everything. Wake me up whenever and I will give every ounce of sleep to you.” he says, your eyes looking up at him, “You need to promise me, okay?” he asks, his hand already out in a pinky promise.

“I swear,” you answer, your hand locking his into a promise. You take a hold of his hand quick enough, playing with his fingers before you start leaving kisses on his open palm, his knuckles, the tip of his fingers, “I love you.” you whisper as you let his hand down, your fingers still intertwined.

“I know,” he says quietly, his eyes filled with something you can’t describe. Perhaps it is love. “I love you too. So much.” He tells you, sealing his love with a kiss on your hand as your eyes feel heavier than before, sleep and warmth slowly invading your body.

It’s when you feel your body getting heavier, Joshua’s heart beats fading in the background as his hand never stop rubbing your back that you realize you should have added cuddles with Joshua as a crucial part of your night routine. No matter how many tips you will try to sleep better – earplugs, sleeping masks, white noise music, nothing will ever compare to Joshua and the comfort, rest and love he brings you. And maybe after a few years, you’ll be able to only have one step in your night routine.

thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it 🫶

[mondaymelon]

actually... im fine with it. (yandere!pantalone x gn!reader)

warnings! yandere implications, mentions of kidnapping and being tied up (not sexually), fluff

(a/n) requested by an anon!! tysm for requesting ♡ reminder that requests are open!!

˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Are you awake?" A gloved hand reached out and grasped you chin lifting it up to give the holder a closer look of your expression.

Slowly blinking open your eyes, you surveyed the room quietly, noting that there were chains on the wall, along with a bed, and there were no windows. Your wrists burned, too, from where they were tied up behind you on the chair you were sitting on. The only source of light in the dimly-lit room was the small, singular chandelier that hung on the ceiling, seeming oddly out of place considering how grim the entire scene looked.

Finally, you focused your gaze at the man in front of you, still holding your chin and giving you a close-eyed smile. "Where am I?"

The black-haired man in front of you didn't skip a beat, only taking his hand of your chin and instead gesturing to the area. "A special place I prepared just for you."

"Why am I here?"

The man laughed. "My, you're taking this awfully calmly. You're here because I brought you here, of course."

well no shit. even i could make out that much.

"Who are you?" You questioned, although almost immediately regretted it after seeing the man's expression darken.

"Hahah... of course." Laughing, he stood up, from which he had originally been bending down to match your height. "You never even noticed me."

Thoughts ran through your head as you tried to put his face to names, but none matched until something lit up in your brain. "Pantalone?"

"Yes, that is my name." Pantalone sighed sorrowfully, his gaze never leaving your face. "But to you, I was just the kind man who you helped give directions to."

"How- Why-"

"Because I love you, my angel. More than you will ever realize."

You stayed silent at the sudden confession, although considering that you were the one that was restrained in some unknown place, it would be unwise of you to decline. Archons know what he would do to you.

"I've been watching you for weeks. Not through my underlings... I can't trust them. You're too lovely, they'd fall in love with you too, and then I'd have another problem to deal with. No... I watched you out of my own love, saving you from whatever trouble you had encountered behind the scenes and always making sure that you would be okay." Pantalone didn't seem to care whether you were listening or not, but rambled on anyway, his voice only becoming more and more desperate.

"But then some guy came to your house and saw me, and then began asking for you. Who does he think he is, asking to see you so casually??" The man's voice broke off into a low growl as his expression contorted into one of rage. "So I took care of him."

"You... killed him??"

"Darling, come on now, don't be mad at me. It was for your own good. After that, I knew it was much too dangerous to be living alone in a world of predators, so I generously took you in. This is where you'll be staying from now on. With me until the end of time."

"..."

"You answer? You can't refuse, but I'd still like another opportunity to hear your beautiful voice again."

"...Actually... I'm fine with it." You had come to the conclusion in the matter of seconds, but from what little knowledge you knew, you concluded that Pantalone had to have been powerful in status, careful with his plans, and also dangerous enough to have anyone look the other way to what he was doing. And considering the jeweled chandelier that dangled about five feet away from you, you also concluded that Pantalone was considerably wealthy. Not only that, but during his speech, you couldn't help but feel... moved. He had gone to such lengths just to make sure that you'd rest easy.

Not only that, he was also quite the looker himself. With that curly, soft black locks and fair face, every time you looked at him, you could feel your heart skip a beat. And if you really were to live here, then wouldn't that mean you wouldn't have to pay rent? And you'd get free meals everyday?

If he was shocked, he hid it well. Nevertheless, he wasn't able to stop the utterly confused expression flitting across his face. "You're... okay with it? I mean- that's good- but I expected at least a little resistance." He didn't seem disappointed per say, more just startled that you had actually agreed from what free will you had.

"Well... yeah. I mean... sure, you're a pretty dangerous person, but you do seem to actually care for me. Not only that, I wouldn't have to pay rent, get free food... not to mention that you're quite handsome yourself." Attempting to explain yourself, you winced as the tight ropes cut into your skin. Immediately, Pantalone rushed forward, uttering you quiet apologies as he cut the ropes off your hands with a knife that he had hidden in his sleeve.

He cleared his throat as you watched you settle into a more comfortable position, remorsefully noting the reddened bruises on your wrists. "I'm... handsome to you?"

As you nodded, he turned away, but you were able to spot his flushing ears that his hair was tucked behind.

"Aha... You really are too kind." The black-haired man smiled at you. "This is for the better. If you really are agreeing this steadily, then it means you won't try to run away. And if that doesn't happen, we can live together. Happily for the rest of our lives." And just like that, he swiftly leaned forward, holding your chin up with both hands as his soft lips met yours and engulfed you into a kiss. You felt your face burn warm, but you didn't resist, nor did you want to. Sensational fireworks seemed to light off from every inch of your skin, diving your consciousness in a sea of warmth. When Pantalone finished, he pulled away only slightly, giving you a smirk that played on his lips.

"You can expect more of that later."

masterlist ✩

[im-sleepdeprived]

Seasonal • Pt. 2

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: inspired by the taylor swift song ‘peter’ where you and peter discover just how hard it is to hold on to something from your past, no mater how much you love each other

a/n: things are progressing :)) right now im picturing this series as 5 parts, also i’ve been getting tons of requests and TRUSTTTT that as soon as this series is over I’ll be working on those🫡

warnings: none really, some (lots) angst, some pining, there are some time skips both forward and backwards and I don’t have them marked (sorry !) but theyre pretty easy to spot imo, healthy family relationships :(

masterlist, read part 1 here

You blew out a breath as you set down the last box. “Ok, I think we’re done sweetie,” said your dad from his spot across the room. 

You collapsed on the bed, exhausted from hauling boxes into your new dorm. The place you’ll be living for the next school year. “Your mom’s already in the car, said she couldn’t handle this part.”

You sat up and smiled. “Yeah, I don’t know if I can either.”

Your dad chuckled. “Come here kiddo.” You stood up and walked over, your dad pulling you into a warm embrace. “If you need anything, just let us know, we’ll be here faster than you can blink.”

“I’ll be okay,” you whispered. 

“And…try to make friends honey. It’s a new place, new people. Get out there, okay? Promise me you won’t just lock yourself in here all the time.” 

“I promise,” you pulled away. “I actually have an orientation to get to in about an hour, I’m sure I’ll meet tons of people there.” 

“I love you,” he squeezed your shoulders for emphasis. “I know this was hard for you, breakups-”

“Dad I promise I’m fine.” You didn’t want to talk about this at all, let alone with your father. 

He stared at you for a while before seemingly giving up. Your dad let out a sigh, “Fine. But if you decide this isn’t for you, if you think college completely sucks I’ll come pick you up in a heartbeat.”

You smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Dad. Tell Mom I love her.”

“Will do kid,” he ruffled your hair. “Now let me get outta here before I start sobbing.”

You laughed and gave him one last hug before waving him off. You fell onto your bed again and let out a sigh. Across the room stood another bed, empty. For now. You hadn’t met your roommate, and you didn’t really want to. You weren’t in the mood for introductions and small talk. You weren’t even sure if you were up for going to that orientation you’d told your dad about, it was recommended, not mandatory.

There was only one person you wanted to talk to, whose voice you craved to hear. The problem was, it was the one person you couldn’t call. 

Columbia definitely wasn’t going how you thought it would.

Your first week flew by, you’d met all of your professors and for the most part, they were all pretty nice. You’d even made some friends; a girl named Marissa and another one named Lola. You’d met them both at the freshman orientation andthey were really sweet. You ended up going after your dad had sent you a little reminder (you wondered if he had known you were lying) and you figured it couldn’t hurt. They were nice enough people and it was good to get to know your peers. Your roommate, Lindsay, had come in on your second day, but apparently, she was dating some dude who owned an apartment right off campus and she spent most of her time there.

Clubs and all different frats and sororities were camping out in little booths all around campus trying to get new members. Seeing the photography club’s booth sent a sharp jab of pain through your heart every time. It was even worse when you realized one of the biggest photography classes was in the building right next to the English building, which is where most of your classes would be taking place. For your whole time there. 

It was one day a couple of weeks into your classes, you were exiting a class where you been debating whether it was better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Some students were talking privately, but the teacher had overheard them and made it a class discussion, exclaiming that she thought it was 'a trendy enough subject to raise engagement and break the ice’.

Then as you stepped out of the doors to your class, a flyer flew in from beside you and landed right at your feet. When you picked it up you realized it was a flyer for the annual photography competition. It was actually a pretty big thing around here and you’d heard a few students talking about it. 

You didn’t usually believe in signs but these seemed pretty clear. 

Without overthinking it, you pulled out your phone. 

hey

saw something abt photography and thought of you lol. how are you hows school so far ?

You bit your lip in anticipation. You weren’t expecting him to reply right away but…you were nervous he might not have even replied at all.

He was the one who’d said maybe no contact for a while might help, but he’d also said you could call him whenever, and he’d be there for you, no matter what.

i was just thinking about you

The words made your heart skip a beat as you saw them sprawled across your screen. 

school’s great, still trying to get the hang of things but it’s gotten easier

my roommate’s kinda boring, but maybe that’s for the best. he could be a crazy person

You laughed until another message showed up on your screen. 

how’s columbia? is it everything you dreamed it would be?

no of course not. we were supposed to go here together, we were supposed to BE together. i can’t go anywhere without thinking of you and all i want to do is call you and hear your voice and for things to be okay between us again. 

But you couldn’t send that. 

yeah ! it’s great but like you said, lots of adjusting haha

are you happy?

And you weren’t sure what it was exactly, but something about that text made you tear up. Were you happy? The answer should’ve been an automatic yes, you’d gotten into your dream school after stressing all year about it, you had got the classes you wanted, and everything was seemingly fine. Great even. But you couldn’t shake the hollow emptiness you’d been carrying since graduation. 

You’d gotten what you’d wanted, yes. It just wasn’t how you’d imagined it. 

yeah i am :)

glad to hear it ace

look ive got to go i have a class starting. talk to you soon

bye pete

bye

It wasn’t normal. At least, it wasn’t your normal and you hated it. But maybe now, it was.

Your heart raced when you saw the notification. You were so close to tapping it, reading the whole thing but you held back. Columbia’s acceptance emails went out today and you and Peter were supposed to open yours together. 

You were waiting for him on the fire escape bouncing your leg up and down anxiously. Checking your phone for the time again, you decided you’d just call him. 

“Hey Ace,” you heard his voice through the speaker, along with an array of other noises. 

“You’re out. Are you out? It’s okay, we can talk later.” You replied quickly. 

Peter chuckled on the other end. “No, it’s fine. I’m just swinging.”

You frowned. “I thought we agreed, no swinging and talking. You get too distracted Petey.”

“No you agreed Ace, I just politely listened.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Peter,” you said in a warning tone. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughed. “I’m on my way.”

“Oh?”

“Duh. I know what today is, I got my notification. I’m almost there.”

“Have you checked?”

“‘Course not Ace,” he chuckled. “Have you?”

“No, no way, of course not.”

“Great, I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” you pulled the phone away to hang up and you could hear his protesting. Quickly, you yelled into the speaker, “Watch where you’re swinging babe!” And you hit the red button. 

He always said he preferred swinging on call with you, but there’d been too many close calls of him almost swinging into a building or in front of a car for you to be okay with it. 

Sure enough, in almost exactly five minutes Peter landed on your fire escape, feet on the ground, perfectly contact. 

“Good, you're here.” You rushed over and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek as he swiped his mask off. 

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Thank you for waiting Ace, I’m sure it must’ve driven you crazy.”

“No, I’m good.” You said too quickly to sound true. 

He laughed. “Okay,” he pulled away and gripped your shoulders. He shook you slightly and grinned. “Let’s do this!”

You sit down on the floor cross-legged and unlock your phone. Peter followed suit as you stared at him. You both pulled up your applications, ready to see the change in your status. 

Accepted or denied. 

A new door to your future, either opened or slammed in your face.

“Ready?” He asked you gently. 

“Yeah, are you?”

He nodded. “Okay on the count of three. One. Two. Three.”

You clicked. You almost didn’t want to read and you were sure if Peter weren’t there you would’ve stalled a little more, but the words were in front of you now. 

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

Congratulations! It is a pleasure for me to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Columbia College.The faculty and staff would like to commend you on your past accomplishments, which formed the basis of our admission decision in a highly competitive pool of applicants. We look forward to working with you in your future academic endeavors. Please visit the Welcome to Columbia website at:

You stopped reading. Your mouth hung open and you couldn’t believe it. You kept rereading that first sentence over and over as if it would morph before your eyes and call you out for believing it in the first place. 

You looked up. Peter had a similarly awestruck expression on his face as he met your eyes.

“What does yours say?”

“What does yours say?”

He laughed. “Nuh-uh. I asked first Ace.”

Silently, you hand him your phone, letting him see for himself because you can't even form the words. You got in. 

It didn’t take him long, probably only reading the first few words before he put the phone down and pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I’m so proud of you Ace,” he whispered. “See? I told you you’d get in.”

You squeezed him. “I love you so much Petey, but come on you need to show me yours, s’only fair.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled into your hair. 

Your brows furrowed. Why wouldn’t he want to show you? It would only make you happier to read his acceptance letter as well. You pulled away and reached for his phone on the floor. Peter didn’t stop you. 

Dear Peter Parker,

The Committee on Admissions has carefully reviewed your application to Columbia University, and we are sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in—

You couldn’t believe it. You read it over and over and over again. Never once in a million years did you think Peter wouldn’t get in. The boy was a fucking genius and you couldn’t believe they would reject him. 

“Ace it’s not that big of a deal, honestly-”

“What? Of course it is,” you looked up at him, anger coursing through your veins. “They’re fucking idiots. They’re pieces of shit and this,” you held up his phone, “this is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever seen.”

He cracked a small smile. “Actually, that’s my phone. With you on the lock screen mind you.”

You weren’t feeling it. “Peter, they suck.”

“Obviously not if they accepted you.”

“Nuh-uh,” you shook your head quickly. “I don’t wanna go.”

“What?”

“No,” you shook your head some more. “I don’t trust people with such terrible judgment to lead me into my ‘future academic endeavors’. I don’t trust those little shits at all.”

“Ace come on, you don’t mean that.” He gave you a look. 

“No, I totally do. Actually, I might just-”

He cut you off, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your mouth. But just as soon as it’d begun, it was over. Peter leaned back, “That always works whenever you’re too worked up.”

“Peter,” you said, and your voice sounded defeated. 

“Ace listen to me,” he cupped your face and stared straight into your eyes. “You are going to go to that school, and you’re gonna love it. There is absolutely no way I’m running this for you.”

“You’ll ruin it by not being there,” you mumbled.

“No, I won’t. Because you’re going to be too busy blowing everyone's mind and being the absolute best version of yourself that you can be.”

You laughed softly but it held no humor in it. “But we were supposed to go together.”

“But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it without me. So what if I didn’t get in? I applied to other schools, greatschools. And if I really feel like it, I can always transfer, it’s easier that way isn’t it?”

“And what about us?” You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously. 

“Nothing’s gonna happen to us Ace,” he smooshed your face making you laugh. “Just because we aren’t going to the same school doesn’t mean we have to break up.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You weren’t aware of just how terrified you’d been for the future of your relationship until he’d said that. You know people had little to no faith in high school relationships but…something was different about you and Peter. You were sure of it. You’d get through this. 

You made your way through the halls. You were in an old building, one of the campus’ firsts, and you were on your way to the newsroom. Today was your first official day and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You knew how serious this was, they were the second-oldest college daily paper in the country, and they didn’t just let anyone onto their team. You were ready to prove yourself and prove that you’d be a great addition to the news staff. 

Also, you needed something that would get you to stop thinking about Peter. You’d talked a few more times after that first week, and it was always you who initiated your chats. They never went past simple hey’s and how are you’s and then one of you (usually Peter) had to run off. It was so strange for you to think that once you two could’ve talked about nothing and everything for hours and now you could barely get past simple greetings. 

You stopped in front of a door, checked the number beside it to make sure you had the right one and took a deep breath before turning the handle. 

You heard all the commotion before you saw it, confirming your suspicions that this was the newsroom. Before you, the room was filled with desks, each one supporting its own computer and keyboard, most of them filled. Some desks were neat and tidy, their chairs empty, looking as if they hadn’t been touched. Others were the complete opposite, you couldn’t see the surface of them, they were covered in stacks and stacks of papers, loose pencil shavings, and various other items. 

There was a whiteboard on the same side of the wall as the door and it was almost completely covered in lists, locations, and time stops for certain activities. There were copies of different editions of the paper framed and hanging on the wall. You smiled, this was perfect. 

Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and came face to face with a guy who looked to be a couple of years older than you. He had cropped black hair and stubble covering the entire bottom half of his face.

“First day, right?” He asked you. 

You nodded quickly and offered him your hand. “Y/N Y/L/N.”

He accepted it and nodded. “Yeah, I remember you Y/L/N, your try-out piece was good. Really good.”

Pride bloomed in your chest and you gave him a smile. “Thanks. Where do you want me?” You gestured at the room. 

He narrowed his eyes slightly before giving you the smallest of smiles, a little quirk on the sides of his lips. “Straight to business, I like that. Think we’re gonna get along pretty well Y/L/N, come on.” He started walking you through the room and introducing everyone and their roles. “I’m Brandon, the editor, over there we’ve got our photographers, that girl,” he pointed to a redhead working at her desk, “Alyssa, she’s editor-in-chief. Helps with things I can’t get around to and when there’s an overload of articles, like now.

“It’s not usually this crowded in here, usually the only people always in here are the writers but, you know, start of the school year,” he gestured vaguely, “lots of new editions, things to be sorted.” He stopped in front of one of the desks that looked like it hadn’t been touched. “This is your place. Actually, we already have something for you to work on.”

You sat in your chair and got adjusted. “Great! Anything.”

He smirked. “We need someone to cover the new bathrooms opening near Kent Hall. Good luck,” he tapped your desk before heading off to deal with other things.

You stared for a bit, when you’d said anything that wasn’t really what you meant, but you figured you had to start somewhere. 

“Don’t worry,” a voice spoke from beside you and you turned towards him. “They do that to all the newbies, it’s like a right of passage or something. Write the shitty articles for the first few months, prove your worth, or some bullshit like that.” He rolled his eyes and gave you a small. Holding out his hand he said, “James Blake, nice to meet you.”

You returned his smile and shook his hand, “Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you too James.”

He grinned. James was blonde, he had a dazzling smile, and striking green eyes. Honestly, he looked more fit for a magazine cover, not a newsroom. “Well Y/N, I was in your shoes last year. It gets better,” he sent you a wink. 

You laughed, “Actually, I don’t mind. I’m just happy to be here.”

“That’s the kinda attitude that’ll make you editor in a few years if you want it,” he clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. 

You tried not to blush, his gaze was intense and you had a feeling he was trying to gauge what kind of reaction you’d have, though you weren’t sure why. “Right now the only thing I’m worried about are those new bathrooms near Kent.”

James laughed. “Fair enough. If you need anything, I’ll be right here. Don’t be shy to ask for help.” He winked at you again and you thanked him before turning on your computer and getting to work. 

Your first day in the newsroom was mostly getting used to everything. The people were cool, you had a great time getting to know them all, and you could definitely see yourself working here for the rest of the year, even longer than you hoped. You’d written down the keynotes for your article and had planned to start working on it later that week after you walked over to Kent Hall and got a look for yourself. It was a lousy topic, sure, but that would stop you from trying your best and proving yourself. 

It was true what they said, your first semester does fly by. Or at least that’s what you’d heard and now you understood. It was December now, almost winter break, and you almost couldn’t believe it. 

Your first article on the Daily Spectator had gone over pretty well. It was small, practically pointless as it was shoved somewhere in the back where almost no one looks, but Brandon liked that you didn’t just half-ass it and he’d started to (gradually) give you better topics to work on. You were hoping that by the end of the year, you might get your hand on one of the campus hot topics. 

You’d gone out a few times, Marissa and Lola from your first week were always inviting you out to different places andyou envied their easygoingness. You’d accepted a few times but you always went home earlier than them, you never seemed to really fit in those places.

Tonight, you were going out with a few of your friends from the newspaper. Over the past couple of months, you quickly became close with some of them, especially Alyssa. Even James, who was an okay guy, if a little cocky, but overall they were all good people.

One of your favorite things about Columbia was its campus and the fact that it was in the city. Walking around now, the snow glittered under all the lights, reminding you of the stars you and Peter used to watch together. You looked up at the empty sky and wondered if he could see any stars where he was now, if they reminded him of you. 

You walked into the restaurant and took off your coat. You were wearing a simple sweater dress with a high neck and a pair of ankle boots. You spotted Alyssa sitting at a table waving you over and you smiled as you walked towards her. 

“Hey everyone,” you took a seat beside Alyssa. Directly across from you, James shot you a grin.

“Hey Y/N, we’re still waiting on Nikki and Gavin,” Alyssa said. Her phone dinged and she checked it before saying, “That was her, they’ll be here in 5.”

Conversations flowed around the table and soon, Nikki and Gavin arrived. Everyone was laughing and having a great time and when the waiter arrived to take your orders, it took you a second to notice.

“Let me guess your order,” James leaned over the table with a small smile as the waitress started going around the table. 

You grinned. “Go ahead.”

“Hmm…” he opened up the menu in front of him and pointed to a listing of words. “Shrimp?”

Laughing, you shook your head. “No.”

“Okay, okay. Are you vegan? Any food allergies I should know about?” He wondered. 

“I’m getting the Fettucini Alfredo, what about you?” The way he gasped you thought you’d asked him to take his pants off right then and there. 

He shook his head, “I can’t believe you ruined the game. I was supposed to guess Y/N.”

You winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, have you ever tried their steak?” He gave you one of his infamous smiles, “It’s great.”

“No actually, I haven’t been here before.”

“Really? Alright wait,” he held up a hand and turned his head. You hadn’t even realized the waitress had gotten to you. “I’ll have the ribeye, medium rare. And same for her,” he pointed towards you. 

You stared as the waitress turned toward you. “Any sides?”

“Um, the seasoned fries with a cherry coke please.” You weren’t really sure what to order anymore, James had just completely thrown you off. 

When the waitress finished up and walked away to hand your orders in, James turned toward you again. “You’re gonna love it, you’ll see.”

Jokes were shared around the whole table throughout the whole dinner and you were glad you got to have a night like this before finals week. James kept asking what you thought about the steak and while you didn’t hate it, you didn’t love it either. It wasn’t what you had wanted. But you didn’t want to hurt his feelings so you smiled and told him it was great. 

By the end of the night, you were stuffed and ready to go home. “You sure you don’t wanna join? Nikki said she hooked up with one of the security guards once and she thinks she could get us into the VIP section.” You had just finished paying for your food and Alyssa was currently trying to convince you to head over to some club with them. And you might’ve been tempted if your phone hadn’t just buzzed in your hands. When you looked down you saw that it was a message. From Peter. 

Your heart fluttered in your chest. He texted you. 

“Sorry Lyss, I’m not up for it,” you made a face, “I’m pretty sure I’m about to start my period and I’m feeling a little off.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth. 

She nodded in understanding. She pulled you in for a hug, “Alright, well if you need anything, let me know. And if you change your mind, the address was sent in the group chat.”

You smiled at her when you pulled away. Alyssa had the sweetest soul of anyone you’d met and you were glad to call her a friend. “I will thank you, and that goes for you too. If you need a ride or anything, let me know and I’ll come pick you up. And turn on your location.”

“Already done,” she grinned. You returned the grin and said your last goodbyes to everyone before making your way to the door, you were itching to step outside and open your phone. But instead, a hand gripped your shoulder. You turned around to see James smirking as he looked at you.

“Leaving so soon?” He asked. 

You nodded, “Not really up for clubbing tonight, but you guys have fun!” You made to pull away but he held you back.

“You sure,” he furrowed his brows, “it’s not that late. If you come, you don’t even have to stay long.”

Smiling, you nodded again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks for asking though.”

“Anytime,” he shot you another grin but…it wasn’t quite right. He still looked handsome as ever, sure, but if you didn’t know any better you’d think he looked a little disappointed. “Well, have a good night Y/N.”

“You too James, bye.” You waved at him and walked out the door without looking back. As soon as you were out the door, your phone was opened and in your messages app, opening you and Peter’s chat. 

hey ace, how’ve you been?

hey pete <3 i’ve been good, just finished dinner with some friends. what about you ?

that’s nice I hope you had a good time.

i’m good thanks. 

actually i wanted to ask what your plans for winter break are

nothing actually, you ?

i’m coming back home and i was wondering if i could see you

Your heart almost stopped. He wanted to see you.

You tried not to get your hopes up, it probably meant nothing. Obviously, you were still friends, or friendly, and maybe he just wanted to catch up. You could only share so much over text. Or maybe….maybe he’s been missing you just as much as you’ve been missing him and he’s realized all this was a big dumb mistake. 

Maybe you were getting your hopes up. 

i’d love that

when do you get here ?

You two stayed texting back and forth your whole walk home. He sent you a picture of his ticket and told you he and May would love to have you over the next day. You couldn’t fight the giddy smile that took over your face. You were ecstatic he reached out to you and you realized your texts together had probably been off because he was nervous. You knew how anxious he could get sometimes, and you hoped you could resolve that when you saw each other. 

You settled in your dorm that night with your heart full and your face lit up. You hadn’t felt this overjoyed in a long time. You wondered what made him bite the bullet and ask, but you could ask him that when you see him. God, you were gonnasee him. This was all you’d been wanting since the summer and now the opportunity just fell into your lap.

You sat on your bed and fell asleep staring out the window with a smile on your face. 

Graduation was right around the corner. The last week of school was a blur. Everyone was throwing parties, teachers were cutting you extra slack, and people who’d never hung out once in the four years they went to school together were all over each other now. It was sweet in a way. As much as you’d all complained and whined about everything, there was a sense of familiarity here, with each other, a community that was coming to an end and it was nice seeing people try to savor it while they could.

Peter had gotten into Duke. You were beyond excited and proud of him and you knew he was excited as well. But you couldn’t help the tiniest part of your brain that selfishly wondered what that meant for you. And honestly, you were scared to ask. 

Peter hadn’t brought up anything about your relationship changing or anything else of the sort, so you thought he’d come to the same conclusion you had; you were going to try to do long distance. 

Sure, it might be hard but honestly, it was better for you than the alternative, which was ending things. You would definitely choose long-distance over that. So you tried not to worry too much, he was probably thinking exactly like you. 

You were sat in a booth at an ice cream parlor with MJ and Ned sitting across from you, and Peter beside you, arm slung over your shoulder. He’d been acting a little weird lately and you hoped this would help cheer him up, it was probably all those end-of-the-year jitters. You were all laughing together, going over all your (least) favorite memories from school.

“Who remembers when Flash brought all those stink sprays to school?” Peter said. 

“Oh my god,” Ned started in his seat. “Some kid tripped over his backpack in fifth period and set them all off! The whole class smelled so bad they made us evacuate!”

Everyone cracked up but Ned wasn’t having it. He shook his head quickly, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you laughing? It’s not funny! I smelled so bad my mom wouldn’t let me in the house, she made me rinse with the hose in our front yard!”

That just made you all laugh even harder. “Oh my god,” you wheezed out. “I can’t breathe.”

MJ reached across the table and grabbed your hand. Looking you dead in the face with a serious expression she said, “Breathe girl.”

The whole table roared with laughter again. “Why did he have all those bottles of stink spray anyway?” wondered MJ.

“Knowing Flash he probably thought it was cologne,” grumbled Peter, making you laugh again.

 Once you’d quieted down Ned leaned back in his spot and sighed. “I’m really gonna miss this.”

You looked around, trying to fully take in this moment. You had no doubt you would all manage to stay in touch but when was the next time you would all be hanging out like this? MJ was headed to Sarah Lawrence, Ned was going to MIT, you (of course) were going to Columbia, and Peter was going to Duke. Five hundred miles away from where you were going to be. 8 hours 27 minutes and 36 seconds.

Sure in the grand scheme of things, you were all still relatively close to each other but…you’d have separate lives. For so long your lives were so intertwined with each other’s and now, you’d have to fight to keep that connection otherwiseyou’d lose it. You reached under the table and grabbed Peter’s free hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You would fight.

Peter squeezed your hand and you leaned in closer to him. “I’m gonna miss it too,” he said in a soft voice. 

“Not me, I can’t fucking wait to get out of there. You guys keep talking though.” MJ said straight-faced making you giggle. You were thankful for her brutal honesty cause you were pretty sure if the conversation kept going in the other direction, it would end with you crying, and you didn’t want that. 

The group of you finished your ice cream while talking, got even more ice cream, talked some more, and suddenly you could see the sun setting outside.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered, shoveling a spoon of double chocolate chip into your mouth. “I really thought we’ve only been here for five minutes.”

“Well, now we know what you need to work on before college, Y/N. Your time awareness, we’ve been here for hours.” MJ smirked. 

You all laughed except Peter, who squeezed your shoulder and frowned. “She doesn’t need to work on anything, she’sperfect.”

You smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek, “Thank you, Petey.”

He grinned cheekily at you, “Anytime, Ace.”

Mj rolled her eyes and cut you off with a loud groan. “Oh. My. God. We get it, you are disgustingly in love.” But you didn’t miss the small smile gracing her face. 

“You’ll live,” you deadpanned.

She grumbled something you couldn’t make out but before you could ask her what it was, Ned’s phone started ringing. He picked it up and answered.

“Hey mom…already? But…” his voice quieted down. “Ok, ok I’m sorry. Yes, ma’am. Bye.”

He hung up and you were all quiet for a moment before he said, “I changed my mind, I’m so ready for college.”

He dropped his head into his hands, grumbling about something like it’s not funny! while you all laughed. Finally, he stood up. “I actually really do have to go though.”

You all stood up as well, saying your goodbyes. “Yeah I think we should get going too, what do you think?” Peter asked you.

You nodded as you pulled away from your hug with Ned. “I still need to pick up my cap and gown from the dry cleaners.”

Ned nodded, “I got mine earlier today.” You high-fived him and he walked over to Peter and you watched as they did their complicated handshake. They’d claimed otherwise when you’d said exactly that, stating it was just advanced, which you’d said was just geek for complicated. 

You snorted as they did their little finger guns. “Dorks,” you muttered. But you loved it. 

“You can say that again,” MJ agreed, and you knew she loved it too. Staring at her for a few seconds, you launched at her with your arms open and pulled her into a tight hug. She tensed up right away. “I know of your aversion to physical touch, but right now I don’t care,” you murmured, “you’re my best friend and I love you.”

To your surprise, she relaxed into your hold and even hugged you back. “I know I give you a lot of shit,” she whispered back, “but I love you too. All of you. And I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“We’re definitely gonna hang out, like all the time, don’t even worry about it.” You reassured her. It was already a pain that Peter would be so far away, you weren’t going to take your closer friends for granted.

She hugged you tighter, “I’m gonna hold you to that Y/L/N.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Jones,” you pulled away and gave her a wicked grin which she returned. Peter approached the two of you, placing a hand on your shoulder he said, “Ned just left.”

“Bye Parker,” she held out a closed fist for him to bump with his, “you’re pretty decent. She bumps you up to Okay.” She nodded towards you which made you blow her a kiss. 

Peter chuckled as he fist-bumped her. “Thanks, MJ, I actually think you’re pretty great.”

She nodded, “Yeah, whatever. Still pretty decent.” She moved past you guys and waved as she exited through the door. 

Peter sighed and leaned his head over to press a kiss to your hairline. “Hey,” you started, “at least you're ‘pretty decent’ Ifeel like it could’ve been worse.”

“That’s actually exactly what I was thinking,” he said as the two of you walked out of the ice cream shop. You laughed and leaned in closer to him. “I’m not ‘pretty decent’ to you am I?”

You looked up at him seriously, “Do you think I’d be here right now if you were?”

Peter laughed and you could see those crinkles around his eyes that you loved so much. You always measured how good your jokes were by how deep they were and right now, they were pretty deep.

He squeezed your shoulder, “Whatcha staring at Ace?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, you’re just really pretty Peter Parker.”

You could see him blush out of the corner of your eye and it made you smirk. He smiled again, deep and beautiful as ever, and the crinkles were back. “I think you’re prettier Ace.”

Shaking your head, you smiled, “Not a chance pretty boy, you’ve got me beat.”

Peter’s face turned beet red at the nickname and you knew you won. “Hey,” he said in a voice that let you know he was trying to change the subject, “you what you said to MJ back there? Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“Well, you told her she’s your best friend.”

“Okay…” you trailed off as you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to get at.

“Well, I thought I was your best friend.” That made you smile, but when you looked up at him again he was doing the opposite and you just wanted to kiss it away. 

“Petey,” you said softly. You would’ve laughed if he hadn’t genuinely looked so dejected. “You are my best friend and so is she. It’s like how Ned is your best friend, but that doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend too. I think a person can have more than one best friend.”

He frowned and it was obvious your answer didn’t appease him. “Ned is not my best friend.”

Your mouth fell open. “What?! Of course, he is Peter, what are you talking about?”

He shook his head, “But he doesn’t outrank you. He’s my friend but you’re more.”

Now it was your turn to frown, “Outrank? This isn’t a competition sweetie. Where’s this coming from?”

He sighed and paused his walking. You leaned in and pressed a palm to the side of his face. “Peter,” you pressed in a gentle voice. 

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to your palm before sighing again. “I’m sorry, that was stupid, it didn’t even make sense. It’s just…everything is changing, y’know? And I’m scared. ”

Your heart twisted. “I know Pete, it is scary. But we still have each other, this doesn’t have to change anything. I’ll always be here for you no matter what, no matter how far away you are. Plus, we still have all summer before we have to worry about that.” You gave him a small smile. Peter stared at you for a moment and the silence made you anxious. His eyes looked sad like he was already saying goodbye. Finally, he leaned in and kissed your forehead.

"Promise me no matter what, you'll remember I'll always be your friend."

Your brows furrowed but you agreed. "Of course, I promise."

He blew out a long breath and pulled you into a hug, “I love you, Ace. Always.”

“I love you too Peter.”

Today was the day.

Today was the day that the past twelve years of your life had led to. All those sleepless nights, insanely late nights, hours upon hours spent hunched over books and worksheets and essays. This is what they were for. 

You had woken up early to get ready, but also because you couldn’t sleep you were too excited. You had already done your hair and makeup and were scrolling on your phone until it was time to get dressed when a message from Peter popped up on your screen. 

morning ace ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

MORNING !!!!!!!

excited huh?

SUPER !!!!!

i love you

cant wait to see you

The plan was for Peter and May to come over and take photos before you all left for the actual ceremony. 

I LOVE YOU MORE XOXO

literally, what are you waiting for come over right now 

way ahead of you

Right after you read the text there was a tap on your window, making you jump in surprise. You rushed over and pushed it open, letting him in. 

“Hey Ace,” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“That was quick,” you replied. 

He sat on your bed and patted the spot next to him signaling for you to sit as well. Taking up the spot beside him, you grinned at him and leaned in to pinch his cheeks. “What’s wrong Petey? Aren’t you happy you’re graduating?”

He smiled but his eyes didn’t crinkle like they normally do. “Hey,” you pressed with a gentler voice, “sweetie is something wrong? You can tell me.”

He blew out a breath and fell back onto your sheets. “I don’t know how.”

You played on your stomach and propped yourself up on your elbows, “That’s okay, we can figure that out together,” you ran a hand through his hair, admiring the softness of his curls. You always liked it like this, and when he got it cut, he’d started to keep it a little longer than he used to because he knew you liked it. 

He looked up at you and you realized how tired his eyes looked, he must’ve been spending more time on patrol lately. You made a mental note to make sure he spent the rest of the summer sleeping well.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” He murmured and you felt your face heat up at his words. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “wished upon a star maybe?”

He grinned. “Maybe, because there's no way you’re not magical.”

You matched his expression as you leaned down and pecked his lips softly. When you moved to pull away his lips chased yours, refusing to let you go that simply. 

Somehow, you don’t even remember how, you’d moved and suddenly you were straddling his hips and his hands cupped your ass. You moved one of your hands up to his hair, letting your fingers slightly tug at his curls, making him groan into your mouth. 

You could feel his hands gently pulling you down and you obliged, grinding on him as your lips attacked each other. All of a sudden, those same hands on you were being used to flip you over and the next thing you knew, Peter was towering over you, panting, lips plump and red, face flushed, and eyes hazy.

You pulled him back down but there was a knock at your door, making you both jump. Quickly, you held up a finger to Peter’s lips, making sure he didn’t make a sound.

“Y/N honey, are you up?”

“Yes Mom!”

“Alright, well get dressed and come out for some breakfast, we’re gonna need to leave soon.”

“Okay I’ll be right out.” You waited until you heard her footsteps retreating before you moved your finger. “Sorry about that.” You whispered. 

“It’s fine Ace,” he smiled and leaned down to press kisses all over your face and neck. You giggled but then remembered he came over for a reason. 

Pulling him back by the hair, “Wait, Pete, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

He stared at you in shock, as if he couldn’t believe you remembered. “No um, actually, it can wait. Go eat breakfast,” he kissed right beneath your ear, “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

You grabbed him and pulled him in for one more long kiss. “I love you,” you smiled sweetly at him, “and I’m so proud of you.”

He stared at you for a moment before he grabbed both your hands in his, “I love you so much Ace, and I need you to know that please.” His expression was almost pained, as if the thought of you doubting him for even a second caused physical hurt. 

“Of course I know that Pete,” you frowned slightly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He smiled. Or tried to smile, because once again those crinkles beside his eyes that you loved so much weren’t there, and you had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling you. But you trusted him, if there wassomething that needed to be said, he would’ve said it.

“Okay,” you leaned in and kissed him, “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Ace,” he said and walked to the window before crawling on the wall. The first time you’d seen him pull out that trick you’d told him he looked like a lizard. 

Finishing getting dressed, you stepped out to have a quick breakfast so you could see Peter faster. Soon, Peter and May were in your apartment and she and your parents were all fawning over the two of you. Peter had given her his camera and she was on picture duty for the day since he would be occupied. 

“Okay enough,” you said, taking off your cap and situating your hair. “It’s graduation you guys, not prom. Enough with the poses.”

“Oh, we all remember that,” Peter rolled his eyes making you smirk. The three of them had driven you guys insane with all the poses, the fussing, your dad’s jokes. And you and Peter had surely antagonized them to no end, rolling your eyes and grumbling. It was almost like being split into teams, sometimes, and you found it disgustingly cute how May got along so well with your parents and you and Peter always had each other’s backs. 

“We should probably get going, we don’t want to be late,” your mom spoke up and you shot her a grateful look. 

Peter looked at you. “You’re riding with me?”

Grinning, you answered, “Duh. I’ve got the playlist completely ready.”

He beamed at you and held out a hand, “Let’s go graduate Ace.” You took his hand and shot a smile over your shoulder towards the rest of your group. “See you!” 

“Be safe!” You heard your Mom yell at the same time May said, “Drive carefully Pete!” But you and Peter were bounding down the stairs, your faces lit up like the 4th of July.

“Do you have the keys?” You asked him once you stepped out the door of the building. He smirked at you, “I thought we get there another way,” he flexed his wrists. 

“Absolutely not, Peter.” You backed away from him, “Possibly the worst time to swing anywhere.”

He laughed and grabbed your hand, pulling you into his hold, “Relax Ace, I was only joking.” He fished out the keys to May’s car from his pocket and waved them in front of you. “I can’t wait to hear your playlist.” He dropped to give you a kiss before leading you to the passenger’s side door and opening it for you. 

“Good,” you smiled as you pulled your seatbelt on and reached for the aux cord. “‘Cause I’ve been working on this for weeks.”

Peter just smiled from beside you and started up the car as you pulled up your playlist. “Okay, I know this probably fits more for after graduation, but I’ve been dying to play it so we’re listening to it now and on the ride home,” you informed him before pressing play on ‘The Spins’ by Mac Miller.

“Whatever you want Ace,” he said as he placed his hand on the head of your seat, turned his head, and turned the wheel as he backed out. Blood rushed to your face as he pulled the car out of its designated parking spot. “But I wanna hear that One Republic song.”

You knew which one he meant. “Already in the playlist and cued up to play next pretty boy.”

He smiled softly and shot you a look from the corner of his eye, “You’re absolutely perfect, y’know that Ace?” Reaching over the center console, he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. 

You lifted your enjoined hands and pressed a kiss to his. “I know, and you’re not too bad yourself Peter Parker.”

He squeezed your hand and held it tight for the rest of the ride as you sang your heart out as if he was scared that when he let go, he wouldn’t have the privilege anymore.

When you arrived at the school, Peter rushed out to open your door and the two of walked hand in hand to the auditorium where all the students were to be gathered until they walked out to the football field where the ceremony was being held.

Entering the auditorium, the place was flooding with students and as soon as you saw MJ you were flying out of Peter’s grip and pulling her into another big hug. 

“There’s gonna be a lot of these,” you warned her. 

“You wouldn’t be you if there weren’t,” she remarked but held you just as tight. 

The two of you took a seat over by the chairs while Ned and Peter hung out closer to the doors. As you were talking with MJ you noticed that it looked like they were in a deep, heated conversation and…were you crazy or did Ned keep glancing at you?

“Any idea what they’re up to?” You nudged MJ and jutted your chin in their direction. 

“Probably talking about how their bromance will make it through thick and thin,” she rolled her eyes but when she noticed you still staring confusedly in their direction she placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Relax Y/N, really, I’m sure it’s fine.”

You could’ve mentioned how Peter had been acting weird for weeks now, that he always seemed to be in a different placelike something constantly plagued his mind. You were sure if anyone had noticed it would’ve been MJ since there was no one you knew who was quite as observant as her. You could’ve mentioned these things and tried to gauge her opinion on it, but just as you were contemplating whether or not you should, your principal walked in and started guiding you all to the doors. It was time. 

As students began filing out into the hallways, it was hard to keep track of anyone in the wide array of blue caps and gowns. You had a funny thought of how it kind of looked like a tsunami. 

You needed to find Peter and wish him luck one last time, the poor boy had been basically losing his mind for the past few weeks leading up to today and you wanted to make sure he was alright. Standing on your tiptoes looking around while everyone moved ahead, you finally spotted him.

Shoving your way through the bodies you made your way right beside him. “Hey!”

He jumped a little, looking paler than he did before and your heart deflated seeing how affected he was by today. “God, Ace. Scared me.”

“All those super senses and for what? Anyway, listen,” you placed your hand on your shoulder and pushed him so the two of you were to the side of the hallway and the rest of the line moved freely. 

“Peter, are you okay?” You asked in a more serious voice, hoping he would just come out and tell you what had been bothering him.

You had no idea why but his face got even whiter. “What do you mean? I’m fine.” He chuckled nervously. 

You sighed and gave him a big hug. “It’s gonna be fine Pete, pretty soon we’re gonna be high school graduates driving home.” You grinned up at him. 

He tried to reciprocate, he really did, but you could see the strain on his face while he did, which only tugged on your heart more.

“I know Ace,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “come on, we have to take our seats soon, I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

You wanted to make a joke about how you weren’t sure you could even get in trouble anymore, but it felt like the wrong time. As the two of you walked onto the field, you kept looking up at him but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. You couldn’t wait for this to just be over so you could get your Peter back. 

There was a stage set up at the head of the field, with chairs flanking each end and a podium in the middle. The stage faced all the chairs for the graduating students, which is where you would be in a minute, and the bleachers, which werebehind them, were where all the friends and family were sitting. 

Peter walked you to your assigned seat and you pulled him into one last hug, “I’m proud of you Petey.”

He squeezed you so tight you wondered if he knew you’d be seeing each other right after this ceremony. “I’m prouder than you’ll ever know Ace.”

You waved him off with a smile on your face as he made his way through the crowd. You took a deep breath as you sat down, in a few minutes, your principal was up there giving some speech that you zoned out of in favor of finding your friends in the mass of blue all around you. 

You found MJ with no problem and she flipped you off as soon as she caught your eyes, and you gave her heart hands and a cheesy grin in return. Ned wasn’t far from her and you gave a little wave which he returned with a sad half-smile. Weird…but it was Ned so you didn’t take it to heart. 

When you saw Peter he was already gazing at you with an unreadable expression. Hoping to ease him up a little, you sent a storm of air kisses and you watched as he laughed and pretended to catch them all. 

Pretty soon they were calling the names. You clapped for everyone, cheering a little for kids you were closer with, but going all out for your closest friends. 

When MJ was called up you were hollering like a maniac, smashing your hands together as hard as you could. When it was Ned’s turn you whistled as loud as you could and when Peter was called up, you jumped up, lifted your hands over your head, and screamed. 

You watched his knowing smile as he made his way across the stage, he’d heard you, and after he’d trapped his diplomahe caught you staring and mouthed an ‘I love you’. You smiled happily as you blew him more air kisses. 

You didn’t have it in you to be embarrassed at all. Everyone was going the extra mile to cheer on their friends and whileyou might’ve tried to be less obnoxious on any other occasion, it was your graduation and Peter deserved some obnoxious cheering for how much he’d been stressing lately.

When it was your turn the cheering was returned tenfold. Peter, Ned, MJ, and all your other friends were clapping and yelling for you. You spotted your parents sitting with May in the back and you waved to the three of them excitedly. You heard Peter give an extremely loud whistle as you grabbed your diploma and shook hands with your teacher, which made you grin absurdly. By the time you made it back to your seat your face hurt from smiling so much.

You were buzzing with excitement as you waited for it all to be over so you could go and celebrate with everyone. It seemed like a lifetime till you heard the huge “Congratulations!’ on the speakers and everyone was standing up and throwing their caps into the air. 

The atmosphere was amazing, everyone was buzzing with an energy different than you’d ever felt before and you knew right then, you’d always look back fondly at this moment right now. 

MJ was beside you in an instant and you almost burst into tears at the fact that she was the one to hug you this time. “You were taking too long,” she mumbled and you felt a few tears slip out. 

Soon Ned and Peter were on the two of you and you shoved into a big group hug, which had MJ rolling her eyes. “I only wanted her,” she stated, but you knew that wasn’t true. 

You slipped out when you noticed Ned and MJ congratulating each other and took that as your chance to tackle Peter in a huge bear hug. 

“You finally did it!” You laughed, arms hooked around his neck as he lifted you slightly. 

“We did it, Ace,” he said and you almost melted into a puddle right then when you pulled away and noticed he was smiling. The crinkles were back. 

But they didn’t last long. 

The two of you made your way over to where your parents and May were awaiting you and they all pulled you into a fierce hug. Your mom was a mess and you tried to calm her down telling her if she didn’t stop, you’d be crying right beside her. Your dad was a little more composed but you could still see the emotion on his face. “I’m really proud of you kiddo.” He mumbled as he held you tight. 

“Thank you, Dad,” you sniffled a little. You were barely out of that when May was crushing you with her arms, making you laugh. She was always good at that, cheering you up. 

“I can’t believe you just graduated high school!” She said in disbelief. “I know,” you replied equally as confused. 

Laughing, she pulled you in tighter and pulled Peter in as well. When you looked up at him he looked a little green in the face, making worry flood through you completely. What could it possibly be now? You had yourself convinced, and he did too, that it was just nerves about graduation, that the celebration was reminding him of the reality of growing up and your lives truly starting was hitting him a little harder. You thought that once it happened he’d relax a little and give himself a little time to breathe. Apparently not.

You pulled him away once you weren’t out of May’s grasp and she was talking with your parents. “Peter,” you whispered, your voice filled with worry for him, “you have to tell me what’s going on.”

“Yeah,” he croaked, eyes turning slightly red which didn’t help your anxiety at all. You watched as he stared past you andwhen you followed his trail of sight, you saw May staring at the two of you with a solemn expression. 

Oh no.

You knew in your heart what was about to happen, and yet you wished with everything in you that it wouldn’t. 

“Come on,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and leading you back towards the school. You followed him wordlessly as he opened the door and pulled back into the halls, the same halls you had comforted him just a bit ago, before the two of you had officially graduated you realized. 

“Peter,” you repeated, a little breathless this time because no, there was no way. He couldn’t be doing this right now, not…not after everything. 

“Ace,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. 

“Peter,” you repeated but your voice was harder this time, letting him know that you were done with him beating around the bush. If he was going to do this, he could come right out and say it. 

“I leave in 2 days,” he said quickly. It felt like a slap to the face.

“What do you mean?” Your brain couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. 

He continued as if he hadn’t heard your question, avoiding your eyes as he did so. “Well technically I leave tomorrow, but I arrive the day after so…? I’m not really sure what—”

“Peter!”

He sighed and grabbed your hands, looking you in the face. “Ace, I am so sorry, like so, so, sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner I really did, and I tried! But every time it felt like it would just ruin everything and I couldn’t, I couldn’t ruin it, so I waited and—”

“Peter I swear to god if you don’t tell me exactly what the fuck you're talking about I will leave your fucking imprint on one of these lockers.”

You watched him gulp and you felt a strange sort of satisfaction seeing how you scared him. “I’m leaving,” he said in a quieter tone. “I got accepted into one of Duke's scientific summer programs and I leave tomorrow.”

It felt like a fucking punch to the gut.

“What program,” you said in disbelief, your mind reeling with all this information. “You never said anything about a program.” You looked up at him with a hurt expression. 

“Ace, you’ve got to believe me when I tell you I thought I had no fucking shot getting in, I mean,” he squeezed your hands as he spoke, “really. You should see how exclusive these things are. I wasn’t even going to apply but the dude who gave me my tour around campus convinced me, and then I forgot about it until I got the email, and—”

You shook your head quickly, trying to comprehend everything. “Wait but your tour was months ago.” You looked up at him. “When did you find out you got in?”

His eyes widened and your heart fell at the realization that he’d been keeping this from you for so long. When he didn’t answer you pushed “When Peter?”

“Not that long, I promise, probably a few weeks but I just—it’s been driving me crazy how to bring this up. There was no right time, I mean, I didn’t want to do it before graduation—”

“Well how thoughtful of you to wait till right after,” you snapped back. “No, really, didn’t even give me a chance to get out of the cap and gown!” You pulled away from him and scoffed, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

“Come on Ace, please,” he pleaded, and you dropped your head into your hands. You didn’t want to cry, today was supposed to be a happy day, and it had been! Before all this. 

“When do you leave?” You whispered. You were sure he’d mentioned it but you were also sure your head wasn’t working right. 

“Tomorrow. At night,” he spoke in an equally quiet voice, as if the softer the sound waves, the softer the blow they would deliver. That wasn’t true. 

You held back a sob.

“When do you get back?” An equally important question.

“I…I don’t. The program ends as soon as school starts…May’s shipping my things there.”

It felt as if he was physically tearing your heart out of your chest and stomping on it.

One day. All this time you’d been shoving away dealing with the reality of the situation because you wanted to be able to enjoy your summer, because you believed you still had summer left together and now he was taking that from you. It didn’t even feel like he had pulled the rug out from under your feet it felt as if he had shattered the whole ground. 

“Congratulations Peter,” you said sincerely. This was breaking your heart but deny that this was an amazing opportunity. If anyone in the world deserved it, it would be him. 

“Ace wait,” he moved in front of you, grabbing your chin and lifting it so you had to see his sad face. You wished he hadn’t, you didn’t want to watch him cry. “Please don’t be upset, I won't be able to go if you're mad at me.”

“Well I am upset Peter! Not that you got in, I’m so excited for you, but you didn’t tell me, and you leave tomorrow!” Your voice broke and you could stop the tears as they flooded your eyes and streamed down your face. How could this be happening? Everything was perfect and now this?

Peter pulled you into his arms, “Please don’t cry Ace,” he begged, which in turn only made you sob harder. “I’m so sorry, so sorry,” he murmured as he kissed the side of your head.

“But this isn’t forever. I’m going to come back and I’m going to find you,” he pulled away and held you by the shoulders, making sure you were looking at him, “You’re the only person I want Ace, you’re the love of my life. And I don’t want to hold you back from the amazing life you're going to start at Columbia, I can’t have you going to your dream school with one foot out the door,

“We’re going to grow and learn, and I might not be there for all of it, but we’re going to be together eventually because I want you. This is just goodbye for now.”

You closed your eyes and savored his words. You wanted nothing more than to believe every syllable. 

“Promise?”

“Of course Ace.”

And maybe if you hadn’t been such a fool in love, maybe if you hadn’t been so desperate to hang on to anything that promised the two of you would find each other again, you would’ve known promises like that were rarely lived up to.

hey, sorry but i can’t make it back for winter break. weather issues :(

Your heart fell. 

You were so looking forward to this, seeing him again, spending time with him and May, for things to feel like they were, even if it were for a brief moment. 

You took a deep breath and stared at the two presents on your nightstand. No point in them now. You had gotten the message earlier this morning, around when he was supposed to board, but your phone had been dead.

that really sucks pete, im so sorry

maybe next time <3

He didn’t respond, the only indication you had that he’d even seen it was the little read receipt at the bottom of your text, glaring at you mockingly. You remembered sometime last year when he’d confessed you were the only person he turned them on for.

“Wait why me?”

“You can’t seriously be asking that Ace.”

“Well…I am asking.”

“Because I love you, duh.”

He hadn’t turned them off. You wondered what that meant. 

You knew you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, knew you shouldn’t have gotten so damn excited, but…god, you really thought things were going to change.

But he had still wanted to see you, he’d still asked you to come over, and it wasn’t his fault his flight got delayed. Talking yourself up a little, you put on your shoes and coat. Grabbing your phone and the presents, you left your dorm. You were going back home, you could drop off the presents at May’s, stop by and see your parents, maybe call Peter if he was feeling up to it, let him know you really had wanted to see him and you were sorry you couldn’t.

It was cold outside and you could see your breath fogging up before you as you walked, but not of it even so much as fazed you. Hope was a beautiful thing, it could change lives, and it was so, so important. Hope was going to be what got you through this time without Peter, and it was going to be the thing that brought you back together. 

Because you believed. You believed him back on graduation. You believed that that hadn’t been the end of your story, itcouldn’t have been. You believed when he said he’d come back for you, that you were the only person he wanted, because you felt the same. And…maybe right now he physically couldn’t but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. You believed andyou hoped. With your whole heart you—

You stopped in your tracks. It felt like your breath was snatched from your lungs and was being held just above your head, so you couldn’t reach it no matter how hard you jumped. You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

Because when you turned the corner, you saw Peter walking down the street beside his Aunt, laughing like he hadn’t justcompletely shattered your heart. 

What?

You scurried backward, still unable to catch your breath but thankfully aware enough to make sure you got out of the way before either of them could spot you. 

Leaning against the wall of the building behind you, you finally let out a breath, watching silently as it floated and then dissipated before you. He was here…

And he didn’t want to see you. 

You tried to rationalize it as you looked around, it was clearly snowing, and it was getting thicker by the hour. So it wasn’t far-fetched that his flight really was canceled, plus he had sent you that message earlier this morning, so it was equally possible that he might’ve boarded after all, or found another flight altogether. 

And maybe through all that commotion, he had forgotten to update you. Highly unlikely since you’d never known Peter to forget anything, especially when it came to you. But…you’d also never known Peter to lie, not without good reason at least, like about being Spider-Man, or that time Ned got him a birthday gift he didn’t really like, but said he loved it anyway, or any other time he’d lied for the sake of either keeping someone safe, either emotionally, physically, or both. 

He didn’t tell you, and it hurt. But something deep inside you trusted him. Maybe it was naive, maybe it was wishful thinking and nothing more but you knew Peter. You’d know him his whole life and never once would you think he purposefully did something to hurt you, hurt your feelings, or anyone’s actually. 

Looking down at the wrapped-up present you held, your heart tugged a little. You’d gotten him a Lego set, it was a Map of the Constellations Lego set and it was customizable, so you’d made sure it had all of the ones he’s taught you about. The ones you’d stayed staring at for hours on that hill, talking about everything. It even came with customizable Lego people, which you’d made look like you and Peter (or as much like you as you could with Lego bits), and a little telescope.

You felt like a total idiot.

You could’ve gone anyway, could’ve walked right up those stairs, could’ve said you were there to visit your parents andPeter wasn’t the only thing waiting for you here. But while you may have been feeling idiotic, you weren’t a completeidiot. You knew when you were unwanted. Even if he had just forgotten, if he really wanted you there, he would’ve remembered. And he didn’t.

You were tired when you got back to your dorm. Dropping off the presents, (Peter’s going under the bed, you didn’t want to see it at all, and May’s going on your desk. You’d take it with you when you went to exchange gifts with your parents). It was empty and you were thankful that Lindsay wasn’t there. She was a sweet girl, very bubbly, and you could definitelysee the two of you being friends if you ever got to spend more time with her, but for tonight, you just wanted to be alone. 

The end of your bed was against a window and you were grateful for it. Ever since things went south with Peter, you ended most nights sitting at the window. You didn’t know what it was, but you always found yourself looking up at the sky. Maybe it was the fact that anytime you needed him, he would be out your window in minutes, if not seconds. It could be that the sky always reminded you of him. But you figured the simplest answer was probably the right one. You missed him.

 It didn’t matter which window, it didn’t matter where you were, sometimes in certain buildings you could barely see the sky. Most times, you couldn’t see any stars at all. Almost every time. But it didn’t matter. Without fail, every night youwould look out the window.

Maybe you’d see him swinging around, maybe you’d catch a glimpse of those stars you both had loved so much. You weren’t really sure what you were waiting to catch. You silently hoped the silence on both ends meant nothing and he still felt the same. You hoped he meant what he’d said to you all those months ago, that he really would come back and find you. Even more, you hoped that what had happened that night was a dumb mistake, or at the very least had a solid excuse to back it up. You knew teenage romances were almost always doomed, but isn’t that why you’d broken things off? So you both could grow, and earn perspective, learn more about yourselves, and when you met again, you’d share everything you’d learned. Every new experience that had ultimately led to the reunion of the two of you. You could handle this for now, the not being together, if it meant you could have him later. That all this waiting and hoping wasn’t for nothing. You had to hope that even though you were leading different lives, in different galaxies, you both clung to the same dreams, otherwise you’d already lost him. 

You supposed that’s what you sought comfort in every night. You’d look up at the sky and know it was the same one that blanketed him, wherever he was. You shared the moon, the stars, and your hearts. 

You were always a dreamer, a hoper. So without fail, every night, you’d turn on your lamp and sit by the window. 

read part 3 here!

‘seasonal' taglist: @keira-kaz2y5 @imafangirlofeverything

[maaarshieee]

⎯⎯ ୨ Pet names (HCs) ୧ ⎯⎯

ੈ♡˳ Il Dottore x Gn!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

this is a just a random thought while i was brain rotting to a mutual... yes. more soft dottore (with a hint of feral)... also the warnings are back! whew! this feels MUCH better! its so biazzare to have a fic of him w/o them! anyways, have a good day/night! also one of the scenes has a connection to a request im working on LMAO,, so tired,, had to finish this b4 i fell asleep UDJKS

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cw: canon typical violence, blood, mentions of experimentation, injuries, implied murder, BASIC DOTTORE WARNINGS, reader is equally crazy as dottore, longer than i anticipated, hurt/comfort at one part (breakdown??), kinda suggestive at one part??? idfk, don't take this lightly-the first bullet's scenario's part is different from the fics ive written before; k1dnapping (NOT THE READER)... just skip the first bullet's scenario if you're uncomfy

For some odd reason, you've kept a small list of Dottore's pet names for you. It was part of your silly antics that never ceased even if you've gotten together with a man known for his violent tendencies when irritated by someone. Of course, you were the unspoken exception, but keeping a list of such things? Well, you wouldn't be so sure if Dottore would be very fond of the thought since he'd always retaliate and pretend as if nothing had happened whenever you pointed out his acts of love for you. It was for fun! It was personal; something that will never see the light of day, and your lover's eyes.

Each pet name had a comment. Whether it was how you felt when he first used it or a rating, it was all scribbled down on the old piece of paper. You've begun listing ever since you got into a romantic relationship during your Akademiya days. Hence, the paper was wrinkled and quite frail, but you kept it in a rather acceptable condition. It doesn't have much, but the memory each held was something unforgettable; something to be forever cherished by you, it showed sides of Dottore that only you get to see and have the grace to experience. It was extremely meaningful to you, especially when the man you've got wrapped around your fingers is Il Dottore, the second harbinger of the Fatui.

It's not like you'll eventually forget these memories you've reverized as precious, it was simply a reminder. Like a photo album! They were too good to be kept inside your head, so you put them on display for your eyes only.

Love/Lovely - Woah! He actually called me that! Too bad the situation wasn't romantic at all. But it was nice for him to address me by that... given that we've been dating for over a year now. A 10/10 pet name ♡

'I want to kill him.'

Those words rang inside Zandik's head, your voice endlessly echoing at the back of his mind whilst he attempted to focus writing on a scroll regarding his latest research. Yet his hands trembled the harder he forced his hand to still until the pen he was writing with eventually broke in his grasp, crushed in his fist as ink exploded all over his gloved hand and scripture. Though he had made a mess, it was the least of his concerns. Someone had the nerve to upset you for so long. He knew you weren't very outspoken, so when you hated someone, you shove that contempt down your throat and swallow it down when it surfaces back up.

But Zandik was different. He can and will deal with people that have enough courage to waste his precious time with their worthless blabbering or get in his way. Dealing with your problems is similar to how he would deal with his. For you are his lover, the only person, across the sea of people, through the stars and the land of Teyvat, he could truly give a damn about. Your enemies are his enemies too. Seeing you gnash your teeth in frustration, your forehead creasing unpleasantly from furrowing your brows, and your eyes brimming with glistening tears that threatened to fall; something inside of him twisted it. It was as if his insides, his heart, were being stretched and squeezed all at the same time. If he felt that way, a wretched feeling that made bile rise up his throat, just by seeing you express your distress to him, he could barely imagine how you felt. Yeah, he couldn't imagine. So he took matters into his own hands.

"Does the sight please you, love?" Zandik purred into your ear, his hands resting upon your shoulders as he situated himself behind you, his chest against your back. You shuddered at his warm breath fanning over your cold skin, goosebumps forming on your forearms as you both marveled and dreaded what he had beheld for you.

It was your professor, the one that had been harassing you for over the months you've started taking his classes. The one you hated so much that you wished death upon him. And now he was in front of you, blindfolded, strapped on an operating table, trying to squirm free and making muffled, pleading noises against the gag he bit on. Just by Zandik's tone of voice, you could tell that he had a dark smirk gracing his lips as his scarred hands slowly slid down from your shoulders to your elbows. You couldn't stop the twitch of your lips as your heartbeat quickened. "How rash of you, the Akademiya will look for him and the fault will be pinned on you." Your eyes narrowed at him as the two of you took synchronized steps toward your professor's trembling body.

"You dare deny the exhilaration pumping through your veins at this moment all because of the mere thought of suspicion?" Zandik's lips attached themselves to the reddening skin of your neck, his sharp teeth grazing lightly. "I'm rather endeared at your thoughtfulness, but I could care less if the Akademiya were to expel me. Plus, this is for science! Don't you just love exploring more of human anatomy?" His words were coated with a thick layer of honey, sweetly rolling off his tongue while his hands slid down further until they reached your hands. Something metallic was slipped into your hand and wrapped your fingers around it tenderly, and you let out an airy laugh when you realized it was your scalpel.

Finally, you let a grin break through your blank face, and the grip of your hand on the scalpel tightened when Zandik joyously pressed another kiss on your cheek, sharing your excitement. "What am I going to do with you?" You teased, pressing your back more against his warm chest as his arms slowly snaked around your waist. "I feel so adored."

"Good," Zandik grinned and nodded at that, evidently pleased with himself. With one last fond look at your equally crazed expression, eyeing the strapped professor as if it was prey that you were about to devour. Zandik felt the hairs on his nape stand and his cheeks buzz. "Now, shall we get started with our new experiment, lovely?"

Dear/Dearest - Actually really sweet. It caught me off guard, especially because he first called me dear/dearest when it was one of his rare moments of vulnerability. Another 10/10 pet name ♡

Papers were strewn all across the floor. Shattered glass, many miscellaneous substances, broken mirrors, droplets of blood, chips of wood from destroyed shelves, tables, and a familiar mask now broken, joined the huge mess that is his personal office. It had always been a mess inside his office, but it was organized. It held a system that only Dottore knew how to maneuver around, it was his own personal space after all. But what you are witnessing at the moment was utter chaos. His white coat, forgotten on the floor, was slowly dissolving from one of the many vials he had thrown onto the ground.

His hands continuously dripped a copious amount of blood, his hair now a big mess from the tugging and pulling, and his shoulders rose and fell. You could hear his breathing; it was frantic, short, and shaky. It was as if he was trying to catch his breath after running a marathon. But Dottore can't get tired anymore, he was way past that point, yet here he was, panting like a crazed dog deprived of water.

And while he wreaked havoc inside his personal office, screaming profanities to no one in particular, hurting himself by punching a mirror and breaking multiple objects, you stood at his doorway. With a medicine kit prepared in your arms, you watched motionlessly as Dottore continued to vent out whatever he was feeling by destroying anything in his sight. Every time his blood splattered close to your feet as he shouted until his throat began to hurt, you would harden your expression, the grip you had on the door frame forming cracks, almost breaking it. As much you wanted to help Dottore, to calm him down, to kiss away those foul, dark thoughts haunting his mind, you couldn't. You tried once, and he almost broke you as well.

So you waited. You waited and waited until he was tired. Until he's exhausted himself. At the first signs of his knees buckling, you immediately rushed inside his room to catch him, not letting him fall to the ground and further injure himself. Laying his head onto your lap as comfortably as you possibly could, you began examining and cleaning his bloodied hands, taking out the shards of glass that sank in his flesh. His hazy, bright red eyes, staring up at the ceiling, slowly cleared when his gaze fell onto your focused face. Too preoccupied to notice his eyes on you, you dabbed alcohol onto his wounds and applied bandages to the wounds he accumulated. It was only when you took a glance at Dottore's face that you noticed his burning stare, but it didn't phase you one bit.

Bringing his hands close to your face, you pressed each band-aid in a soft kiss, all filled with love as it trailed all the way down to his wrists, lingering at the spot where you could feel his pulse. The Doctor was still human after all, and while you have no idea what goes through his head or the sorts of demons he fights against, he wasn't alone. You were there to give him comfort after each battle he's fought, to bring him a sense of victory no matter how battered he was afterward, to kiss away every last bit of his anger, frustration, and madness that made him who he was today, reduced to a man you had known as Zandik. And Dottore knows this, deep inside his heart that was once dead, now beating solely for you.

It was quiet. Below a whisper. Hoarse. A rasp of his voice that he had abused from all his screaming and shouting. It was something you weren't meant to hear. But you did. Loud and clear.

"Thank you, dearest."

Darling - Cute! I absolutely love this one. Also because of the memory of when he first used it on me (he was jealous... of himself). 10/10 again ♡ !

Dottore always has you for himself. It only makes sense, after all, he's the original. He hogs all your attention as you are his trusted assistant, the second opinion on all his research, and his lover, so the majority of his segments are extremely deprived of you. It wasn't a major issue, they are aware that they are just segments, but since Dottore's segments were just him in a sense, he couldn't simply erase their affection toward you. And it just happened that you were very giving with your love, whether it was Dottore himself or any of his segments.

There are times when you would seek out a segment whenever they aren't busy, and they would be absolutely elated. They'd let you hold them to your heart's content, pressing kisses on their faces and then consulting with them about your research or helping them to the task Dottore has assigned them. You do try to give each segment a fraction of your love that you mostly pour onto Dottore but your actions will always hold consequences. And those consequences are the segments getting a bit too distracted to focus on their work and becoming too greedy.

So imagine the overwhelming irritation Dottore felt when he saw a small group of his segments surrounding your rather amused form, suppressing a small smirk forming on your lips as you watched them bicker and argue all for your attention. Oh, you were soaking this up. Dottore once acted like this, back when you were both younger, so it was so refreshing and entertaining to see multiple versions of him act in such ways. But your enjoyment was shortlived when Dottore suddenly grabbed you by the waist and snatched you away from the greedy segments, a scowl prominent on his face.

Panicked, you were about to calm him down just in case he makes a move to rip apart the segments gathered around you but you were caught off guard when Dottore smashed his lips against yours instead, kissing you oh-so passionately. It was a type of kiss that made your knees weak, his hands gripping your waist as he forcibly tugged you close to him, bodies pressed against each other. You couldn't hold back the small whimper that escaped you when Dottore bit down on your bottom lip as his hands slid inside your shirt and pressed his fingers hard on your hips. Dottore eyed the segments that watched with envious eyes, but stayed put, not able to do anything against it. Snaking your arms around his neck, you gasped for air once he pulled away, whining about your aching lips and the blood that dribbled down your chin but he paid no mind to it, merely smirking to himself, pleased with his work.

Cupping your reddening cheeks, he finally spoke; "No one else but I could kiss you like that. Only I could touch you like this, nor love you as much as I do, darling." While he hadn't outright said it, the message was clear to the segments present as they all held disappointed expressions. You, on the other hand, realized that you've probably played a bit too long away from him, so he had to find you around his big laboratory to get you back all for himself. With an amused huff, you shook your head at the death glares that he was giving the poor love-deprived segments and grabbed his chin, turning his head back towards you.

"You're not finished with me, aren't you?" You raised a challenging brow, "Go on, continue."

Dottore's smirk grew. "Of course, darling."

Pet - Where the hell did this come from? Kinda cute but I wouldn't appreciate it if he were to call me that in front of other Harbingers (especially Pantalone... It was already embarrassing enough the first time). A solid 7/10 pet name ♡

You were his assistant for a reason. He's had plenty before, but they'd only end up dead or running for their lives. You were the only one who could handle Dottore; the Fatui's secret weapon whenever he started acting up, they needed you to get him to settle down, reminding him that if you were to piss off the Fatui, you're gonna lose all the funding they have for your research. But it didn't mean you had full control of him, you're his lover after all. While he wasn't an outright tease or a romantic, there are times when he was. And sometimes, they'd take you by surprise.

As his little assistant, you always make great work of his demands. You deliver amazing results and only rarely anger Dottore. Additionally, you've made a habit of suggesting and correcting him in some cases, and if it were someone else to do so, they would've been dead on the spot. But no, Dottore actually listens and considers your opinions. He would never turn deaf to your words if it was you. Just like this moment. Pantalone had visited the Doctor to confide about finances he provides to Dottore's 'silly little projects' (you had to hold back a snort at that) and in the middle of their negotiations, you piped up in their conversation, offering your side of view, seeing that they were both slowly getting heated.

The rest of the conversation flowed more smoothly after you joined in. Pantalone has fully calmed down and was thanking you for making him a cup of tea. As you poured a cup for Dottore, Pantalone suddenly said; "It's always more pleasant visiting here when they're around, no? You should be more like your lover, Doctor."

Dottore, who ignored his Pantalone now that he mentioned you, merely smirked and laced his fingers together. "Of course, such a good pet, aren't they?"

A rush of multiple emotions washed over your body in an instant. Bewilderment, embarrassment, and then rage. Your face was completely red as you refused to turn your head to look at the guest that was still inside his office. Gripping the kettle in your hands so hard it almost breaks, you ignore the Regrator who was now chuckling at your amusing reaction. "Well, this pet will throw this steaming hot kettle on his face if he dares to call me that again in front of another person." You say through gritted teeth, trying to maintain the bright smile on your face.

"Well, then this pet should know—" Before he could utter another word, the sound of glass shattering reverberated through his office whilst Pantalone walked out with a big smile on his face.

Love of my life - Can this be considered a pet name? Oh well, I'm adding it anyways. It was very... soft of Dottore, so I'm storing this memory in my head forever. Literally a 100/10 pet name ♡

Due to the enhancements that both of you have made to each other, the two of you no longer required sleep. Much to Dottore's dismay, you still sleep 8 hours on most nights, stating that it still helps you stay refreshed and sane after not sleeping for too long. So it was very rare for Dottore to lay on the bed with you in your shared (more like yours) private chambers. You were used to it, for the most part. Sometimes, Dottore would escort you to your private chambers, chatting before you pass out once your head landed on your pillow, or carry you there if you'd fallen asleep somewhere else.

Tonight was different.

Shed from his multiple layers of clothing and slipping into his rarely used robes, you incredulously stare at him strip right in front of you. You honestly don't remember the last time you saw so much of his skin that you were suddenly hit by the massive urge to lunge at him and let your cold hands roam all over his body, but you held back when Dottore gave you a pointed glare, knowing exactly what was going through his mind. "Be patient," He grumbles, finally slipping into his silk robes and finally walking to his side of the bed. Tucking himself right beside you, you immediately latched onto his body, burying your face onto his chest and pressing your body against his as close as possible, it was as if you were trying to merge yourself into him with how tight you were hugging him.

But he supposed he couldn't blame you. After all, he doesn't even remember when was the last time the two of you cuddled in each other's arms on a bed. The memory he could only recall was back when you both still went to the Akademiya, which was so many years ago. Plus, it has truly been a while since he felt himself so loosen up, practically melting in your loving embrace. He felt extremely light as if he was laying on clouds instead. He knew what he was exactly feeling; safe, relaxed, happy, and content. Content with you, only ever with you. Because you make him whole, feel emotions he never would've thought he'd ever feel, do things that didn't have relevance over his ambitions, and many more.

You've always reacted so surprised whenever he does something that was a little bit out of his usual character. So when he caressed your head, pulling you impossibly closer, enough that he could smell the faint remnants of your perfume, he felt you jolt from the suddenness, then eased back against him, he thought that perhaps he hasn't done enough as your lover. That the reason why you act so surprised and genuinely don't expect such acts was that he was lacking. You loved him with all your heart, he could see it, feel it. Everyone can. From the way, you'd always make an effort to clean up his messy lab, from your impeccable patience towards him, the amount of dedication you put into your work with him, and the affection you shower on him on a daily basis. Compared to you, it was as if you were simply dating a statue. Zandik did a better job of loving you.

But Zandik was dead, and there was only Dottore. You still loved him, nevertheless. Still chose him over the myriad of better options in Teyvat. The familiar fuzziness took over his whole body, where at first he felt disgusted at, now he welcomed it wholeheartedly. It was pleasant, he will never admit aloud. So when you asked why he chose to sleep with you tonight (and possibly more nights in the future), his response truly came from the deepest depths of his heart, with only the purest form of genuine love and devotion he could only offer to you.

"I just want to be with the love of my life."

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[softshrimpy]

How To Woo A Hot Principal

Step 17: Oh Gods, She's Wearing Pants (NSFW)

Summary: Working at the Weathervane was exactly what you needed. The routine, the people, your co-workers. It certainly helped that a certain tall, blonde, fucking gorgeous woman happened to frequent the cafe. Now some may call hopelessly flirting with your customers inappropriate behavior.

But truly, when it came to Larissa Weems, who could blame you?

I'm backkkk! Sorry this update took so long, I started a new job a few weeks ago and it has been a hugeee adjustment. But have some smut from this lil shrimp 🦐✨

Tags: @variant-2402 @the-bagel24 @autumn-leaves-chasing-breeze @kimiinou @muffintopxs @h-doodles @bbykens @lilfartbox1 @bigolgay @winterfireblond @gela123 @i-like-reading @hopelessly-sapphic @alder-saan @im-a-carnivorous-plant @weemssapphic @barbarasstar

(pls let me know if you want to be tagged/ I missed you!)

Chapter 16

Cross Posted on AO3 Here

HWTAHP Masterlist

-----------------------------------------------------------

Life was actually looking up. You had been seeing Dr. Kinbott every other week to help work through the plethora of issues you had. On top of that Vlad was still getting you moving every day (you low-key hated him for it). He had also taken it upon himself to teach you everything he knew of vampire history. Sometimes you weren’t sure whether he was embellishing some of the stories or if vampire history was that insane.

Sometimes Yoko would tag along, more often than not to help him teach you how to use some of your vampire powers. You snorted the first time Vlad referred to them as that and then nearly died when he moved from one end of the room to right in front of you in the blink of an eye to glare down at you.

The one ‘vampire power’ you had the most control over was your sudden acquisition of fuckin epic strength. And by most control you mean you had to learn super quickly how not to rip every door you opened off its hinges.

Your other abilities weren’t anywhere near refined. Yoko had been trying to teach you how to use your enhanced speed which you had managed once before ending up smashing into a wall. You were fine, the wall however did suffer. (yet another wall that is a victim of your new powers. Rip.)

Since you didn’t know who your family was or where you came from both Vlad and Yoko had explained that you may have other abilities if you came from what they called a Legacy family. Apparently, they can have some super sick extra powers like hypnosis or transformation and the like. You were sure you were just a regular vampire, the odds of you having any extra powers were so slim you didn’t need to worry.

On top of that things between you and Larissa were better than ever. You spent every evening together, often ending with you staying the night in her quarters. And fucking hell was waking up to her almost every morning a gift from the gods.

On the nights when you’d stay with her, you’d help her with her evening routine, always ecstatic she let you help her. You’d help remove the pins from her hair, brushing it out for her as she removes her makeup. You always press kisses into her hair afterwards, your heart skipping a beat and the small soft smile on her face at your actions.

You’d both then change into pyjamas, hers always sinfully attractive on her. Then you spend the evening having dinner and cuddling on her couch. Sometimes she’d tell your stories of her day or about her past. you loved listening to her speak, you could quite literally do it for hours.

This morning you were lucky enough to wake up in her arms once again. You took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of her and feeling a smile creep across your face. You bury your head into her neck, sighing happily. You feel her stir a few moments later, her arm tightening around your waist. She lets out her own content sigh before pressing a kiss to your head.

“Mmm…good morning my darling,” she hums, her voice still raspy from sleep.

“Good morning pretty lady,” you hum back, leaning up to kiss her chastely.

The two of you stay like that for a little while, Larissa laying on her back with her eyes closed, one arm wrapped around your waist. You grinning up at her, bringing your hand up to trace the lines of her face. These moments with her, where the two of you are simply existing together, are your favourite moments in the world.

Eventually, though Larissa has to get up and get dressed, she does have a school to run after all. You love watching her get ready for the day. She always wears such gorgeous outfits, always looks so elegant and-

Oh, holy fuck she’s wearing pants today.

She so rarely wears pants, usually opting for skirts or dresses. So when she slips on a pair of form-hugging pants with a chunky belt and white sweater you almost choke on air and feel your face heat up. She bends over to pick up a pair of heels and you absolutely stare shamelessly at her ass.

You must have let out some noise, probably a rather gay sound with the way Larissa turns and looks at you. She grins smugly as she toes on her heels. She pulls on a blazer to complete the look before leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll see you later darling,” she all but purrs and you have to resist every urge to pull her into the bed and ravish her right then and there.

“I-you- have a good day m’love,” you manage, ogling her as she all but saunters away.

———

You spend the rest of the day catching glimpses of the white-haired beauty every hour or so. She seems to be moving around campus far more than usual. Not that you’re complaining. When she does come around, nine times out of ten you get so distracted you walk into or drop something.

On top of that, sometimes when she appeared she would shoot you these looks. You couldn’t explain it but you swear the woman was trying to kill you. Gods, you wanted to climb her like a tree.

So after a lunch filled with you all but drooling over her and a couple of hours afterwards daydreaming about her and her stupid sexy legs and hands and face…where were you again? You finally decided to say fuck it and made your way to her office in record time. Vlad and his lessons could wait, you had a far more important task to do.

You entered her office quietly, not wanting to disturb her if she was in a meeting. The sight that greeted you made you actually choke on air. There she was sitting at her desk as usual. But she had discarded her blazer on the back of her chair and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater. She was typing furiously on her laptop, as usual, frowning at the screen from behind her glasses.

You locked the door behind you before striding purposefully over to her desk. By the time she glanced up at you, you were already rounding her desk to get to her.

“Darling? Is everything alri-oh!” She yelps as you pull her up from her chair into your arms.

You press a kiss to her very gorgeous lips and reach around her to shut her laptop and move it aside. You lift her up onto her desk, not once removing your mouth from hers. She lets out the cutest noise at that, hands moving to clutch your shoulders before she tangles them in your hair, tugging on it slightly. You groan into her mouth, teeth scraping against her lip. The room feels impossibly hot and she is wearing far too many clothes. As much as you like her pants they need to come off. Now.

Your hands make their way down her body, slipping under her sweater to caress the skin of her stomach. You preen at the hum she lets out, your hands becoming more daring. Your fingers slip under her bra, trailing gently over the underside of her breasts. She gasps, her mouth disconnecting from yours when your thumbs brush over her nipples.

You press kisses to her neck as you do your best to unclasp her bra. It does take a fair bit of fumbling and a few curses muttered to get there. Larissa lets out a breathy chuckle as she scratches the back of your neck. When you finally manage to get rid of the offending item you make quick work of removing it along with her sweater.

You press your lips to her collarbone, nipping at the soft skin just above her breasts. Her grip on your hair tightens, her hands attempting to move your attention where she wants it. Instead of giving her what she wants you graze your teeth along to underside of her breast, grinning at the way her breath stutters.

You decide your desire to tease her is not as strong as your need to please her and take one of her nipples into your mouth, lathing your tongue over it. The strangled moan she lets out makes your heart skip a beat. You nip at the pert bud, your other hand groping at her free breast. She lets out the most sinful sounds, your whole body heating more and more with each one.

Your hands travel down to the waistband of her pants, fingers quickly undoing the button and unzipping the zipper. You pull them and her panties down her legs after she lifts herself off the desk for a moment. She starts tugging on the hem of your shirt, trying to get you to take it off. You pull back from kissing her chest and take her hands in yours, moving them back to sit on the desk.

“Nu-uh honey, tonight I’m in charge,” you hum, delighting in the way her whole face turns red.

“So you just keep those lovely hands of yours right here. Can you do that for me, my love?”

“I- yes. Yes,” She breathes.

“Good girl,” you purr.

You get down on your knees, looping your arms under her thighs. You pepper kisses from her knee to the top of her thigh, stopping just before her soaking cunt. You repeat the action on the other side before gently pulling her thighs apart. You take in the sight of her glistening folds, feeling your mouth water at the sight.

“Is this all for me Rissa?”

“Mmm, only for you baby…” she moans.

You press one final kiss to the inside of her thigh before licking at her cunt. You lap at her slit, moaning at the taste of her. You’re certain this is what heaven is like, the way she tastes like the sweetest ambrosia.

You eat her out as though you were starved. You alternate between flicking your tongue over her clit and lapping at her entrance. Her moans and whimpers are like music to your ears, the sexiest symphony you’ve ever heard.

“Oh fuck, darling. Please-I’m-I’m so close-“ she pants.

You feel her thighs begin to tremble on either side of your head. She lets out a string of curses interspersed with cries of your name. You double your efforts, hands pinning her to her desk as she bucks and writhes.

“Fuck!” She cries.

Her back arches as she throws her head back, letting out a choked moan. Her whole body stiffens, thighs clamping shut around your head. You keep licking and sucking at her clit, only stopping when she gently pushes you away. You press one last kiss to her inner thigh before standing and wrapping your arms around her waist.

She truly looks ethereal in this moment. She’s leaning back on her hands, chest heaving and flushed. Her eyes are closed, breath coming out of her lips in pants. She’s glowing in the low light of her office. Her hair is slightly mussed, falling out of her elegant hairstyle in places.

You cup her cheek, heart-melting when she nuzzles into your hand and presses a kiss to your palm. You almost want to cry, luckily you don’t. You lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead, hearing her hum happily in response. You bury your face in her neck, enjoying having her in your arms.

“Darling,” she sighs happily, “not to sound ungrateful because that was truly wonderful, but what on earth brought this on?”

“Pants.” You mumble into her neck.

“Pardon?”

You lean back, idly tracing shapes into her collarbone. “You were uhm, you wore pants today. You don’t often you know wear ‘em. And you just. I mean you have such gorgeous legs and the most earth-shatteringly sexy ass I’ve ever seen-“

She bursts into laughter at your admission, cheeks flushing.

“It’s true!! You have no idea how hot you are Rissa. Like…I don’t know how I get anything done when you’re here looking like you stepped out of heaven every single day.”

“But the pants do something for you hm?” She chuckles.

“Mmm, they just tipped the scales of my already incredibly inappropriate thoughts about you,” you grin.

“Well, darling,” she purrs, slipping off her desk and sauntering in the direction of her bedroom while pulling you along, “I hope you had no intentions of returning to your rooms tonight.”

You stare far too shamelessly at her ass as she drags you into her room. You were so focused on watching her that when she spins you around and all but pushes you onto the bed, you can only stare up at her, eyes wide and incredibly turned on.

She straddles your waist, smirking down at you in a way that makes heat pool between your thighs. She slips her hands beneath your shirt, leaning down to hover close enough to your face that you can feel her breath on your lips.

“Now then,” she hums, “let’s get you out of these clothes hm? The evenings only just started, and I’m nowhere near done with you.”

[marisssa1248]

What if the sorcerers die? Part 2

Pollux:

You and Arcturus plus Alpheratz were running through the empty corridors you were leading them to the source of that pink dark flame you have been saying.....the 3 of you get to a random room you were about to open it but Alpheratz punches the door that the door fell itself....looks like someone was in a hurry.....

You guys went inside to see....

Pollux: "augh!"

You guys see the 3 triplets from before but their eyes were pink dark and creepy smiles on their faces and you also see Pollux in the ground while one of the boy triplets were on top of him shoving a whole potion down your not sure whatever that is but its killing Pollux..!

With no hesitation you and Arcturus shoo away the triplets but they don't get off yet until Alpheratz grabs them at the back of their neck and the other 2 triplets tries to stop Alpheratz by grabbing both his legs..

While you and Arcturus were besides Pollux trying to wake him up

Arcturus: "Poll! Poll! Can you hear us! Pollux!"

Arcturus was trying to hold back his tears but tears formed between his cheeks while you were shaking Pollux not trying to accept whatever happening to him.....before you screamed out..

Summoner/you: "Pollux!"

But nothing.....silence......his gone.....anyone can tell....you can see sparkles in his eyes always there whether sad, angry, scared, there would be light despite all that but now..where did they go in those two different colored eyes? And that smile that keeps you from going further?

Alpheratz:

You kissed Alpheratz afraid of letting him go so fastly before breaking off the kiss and he looked dumbfounded you noticed he was about to reach out but stopped himself and smiles but a little blush goes on his cheeks

Alpheratz: "hah.....that...was.....suprisingly good........you really do have your way on making fall for you harder huh-?"

Alpheratz sentence cuts when the pink dark mark glows up on the back of his neck and he holds it and lets out a annoyed grunt before letting out a tired sigh and looks at you and you can see the side effects is slowly making his purple violet eyes slowly turning to a bit dark pink....

Alpheratz: "i......won't be able to last long....now.....its best if you leave....i will be sure to hold them off for a while....."

Alpheratz said he looks at you while tears starts forming at your cheeks he reaches out and draps his coat around your shoulders and kisses you softly at the forehead and smiles

Alpheratz: "this is a little embarrassing for me for a situation like this but....(name).....i-"

Alpheratz sentence gets caught off when Rigel interrupts them when Rigel jumped back while shouting with his sniper and shouts

Rigel: "ok sorcerer Alpheratz are you perhaps finish of your little confession here!? You already had enough screen time now its my turn here!"

Rigel said annoyed he was distracting the alot of giant monsters for 2 hours straight.....Alpheratz lets an annoyed groan before hugging you and whispers

Alpheratz: "promise you won't forget me alright?"

Alpheratz lets out a soft smile before letting you go and races towards where the monsters are and you cried out for Alpheratz until Rigel carries you like a potato sack

Rigel: "sorry summoner this is for your own good..."

Rigel said he looked a bit sorry but he carries you away from the chaos.....meanwhile Alpheratz he was fighting off the giant pink dark monsters corrupted he has experience with dealing with them but after they got corrupted they become a little twice stronger.....(im not writting all the damn fight scenes👹 so lets skip that-) Alpheratz coughs out blood he puts his palm to his mouth he looks like he could faint at any moment but he still remains standing while panting there was still giant monsters he managed to take down 627 of them but 373 remains.....

He coughed out alot of blood again before launching a fist of purple electric out of his hand and hits a giant monster crashing down to another monster....2 down......Alpheratz pants until....something goes behind him before he could react the monster shoots out a dark pink laser out of his mouth going through Alpheratz's stomach.....Alpheratz's eyes widen in shock before he collapses to the ground there was a big hole at the middle of his stomach he loses the light in his eyes and blood pouring down his mouth....

a bunch of giant monsters surronds him he lets out a tired grunt until.......before he thinks to himself what he imagines the moments of the people he less expected to have moments with...espeically with you....except you were the most memorable... he lets out a tired smile before activating his last remaining power

Alpheratz: "heh.....im truly the happiest man alive am i?... (name)........"

[lilacella]

I'm not sure if Sirius comes off a little too booktoky in this one...I feel like he is a little too cool and 'popular' xD But what can I do, that's just how I imagine him. I hope it isn't too annoying to read though 😅

Also, I aged Gilderoy Lockhart up a little for this I believe. So if you stumble across that, just ignore it xD

Nightsky

Song recommendations:

Prom Queen by Beach Bunny (tumblr refuses to let me embedd the link for some reason)

Chapter 4: Jealousy, jealousy

First Previous Next

"Wake up already you lovebirds, we will miss breakfast!" James hollered trough the closed curtains of Sirius dorm bed. Remus groaned next to him and buried his face deeper into the crook of Sirius neck. Sirius pulled him closer into his arms and pressed a kiss on his hairline.

"I am afraid we might have to acually get up, Moons."

"But 'm tired," mumbled Remus, his voice vibrating against Sirius skin. "And it's Saturday. Can't we just skip breakfast?" Sirius heart fluttered in his chest. How could he say no to this sweetness?

Since Remus and him had gotten together four months ago his feelings had only intensified. Being close to Remus was intoxicating and he couldn't get enough of it. He always needed to be close, holding hands, cuddling, snogging...and some other things as well. And Remus seemed to return Sirius desire for affectionate touches, sought them out just as much as he did, except - and that was the only hang up - when they were in public.

Remus still wasn't ready to let the rest of the school know about their relationship. Sirius didn't exactly mind whether other people knew or not but not being able to hold Remus hand whenever he wanted, not being able to take im on dates properly, bothered him more and more. Of course he didn't want to pressure Remus into anything but this was annoying.

"Sorry, Prongs, gotta go without us." He called to his friend.

"Oh come on, again? Can't you two keep it in your pants for one weekend?" James teased.

"Shut up," Sirius laughed. "Moony is sleepy, okay. So we'll join you later."

"Right sure, mate. Come on Pete. See you then. And don't forget to use protection," he yelled from the door, quickly slamming it shut behind him and Peter before Sirius spell could hit him.

"Wanker," Sirius chuckled, dropped his wand back on his nightstand and snuggled back against Remus. "Sorry bout the noise, Moonsy."

" 's alright. Just hold me." Sirius melted a little. With a content sigh he wrapped his arms tightly around the other boy, pressing his cheek against the top of his head, inhaling his scent.

"I love you."

The words had left his mouth before he could stop them. Remus seemed to have frozen in place. Fuck.

"Oh, thank you." Remus replied, suddenly sounding quite awake.

Thank you. Thank you! Thank you? Right. Thank you.

"And he didn't say anything back?" James asked, playing with a stone by throwing it up in the air and catching it again.

"He said 'thank you'," Sirius replied dryly while throwing another ferret towards the hungry hippogriffs their MC teacher had put him in charge of. It was snatched out of the air before it hit the ground.

"Oh. That's...that's rough Pads I'm sorry." James frowned in sympathy. "But that doesn't have to mean that he doesn't, right? Maybe he's just not ready to say it." Sirius shrugged his shoulders, exiting the hippogriff paddock and closing the gate behind him. "Maybe he just doesn't...He doesn't have to." James frown grew deeper.

"I'm sure he does. You should see the way he looks at you."

"Maybe he just likes looking at me. And thats it..."

"Bullshit. Padfoot, you know Remus. He isn't that superficial."

"No but he is a pushover. What if he just plays along so he doesn't have to turn me down?"

"What? No! Didn't he kiss you first?"

"Yeah but what if he only did that because he had noticed that..."

"That is an insane theory. Sirius, he likes you and - if you ask me - he loves you as well. Just give him some time to adjust." Sirius sighed deeply trying to dissolve the knot in his chest.

"It's okay. I should just be happy with what I've got with him. If he doesn't love me then that's okay."

James grabbed him by the shoulders, demtermined: "No, listen to me. That's not okay. You deserve to be loved, Pads. And you are, okay? Remus loves you and if he doesn't that's his own fucking loss." Sirius snorted, but couldn't surpress a smile. James pulled him into a tight hug. Sirius squeezed his friend lightly.

"Thanks, mate."

**

Another month had passed and Remus had still not said it back. Sirius hadn't pressed the topic and tried to convince himself that it was okay either way. Did it really matter if Remus was in love with him as long as they still got to be together? Deep down he knew the answer to that question was yes. It did matter greatly. But he pushed that thought down, together with his growing frustration about their secrecy.

Usually Sirius loved having shared secrets with the people he cared about. It made for a special kind of intimacy, similar to inside jokes or age old shared memories. But now that christmas was around the corner and all the couples around them seemed extra coupley and cuddly with each other, Sirius loathed it. He too wanted to go ice skating on the lake, hand in hand with Remus, he wanted to draw their initials surrounded by a heart into the fresh snow, he wanted to use every misteloe as an excuse to snog his boyfriend, take him to the christmas market in Hogsmead and buy him all the chocolate covered fruit he wanted. Well, technically he could do the latter but he couldn't expect a kiss in return. Not that he needed payment to do nice things for Remus but a boy could dream right?

Absentmindedly Sirius strolled through the deserted 3rd floor of the castle, on his way from his Advanced Curses class, that none of his friends were taking. When he turned a corner he almost bumped into Mary McDonald, who was so startled she dropped her books.

"Oh, sorry. Here let me help."

He quickly knelt down to help her pick them up.

"Thank you," Mary gave him a genuine smile.  When they both got up and Sirius wanted to continue his path, not really in the mood for forced small talk, he was stopped by an invisible barrier. Oh no.

They both looked up to the enchanted mistletoe sheepishly dangeling above their heads.

"Oh," said Mary. Sirius looked at her with wide eyes. This was bad. The misteloe spell was pretty much unbreakable from the inside. That's what made them so entertaining for everyone on the outside. They were trapped here, unless they kissed. This was so so bad.

Of course there were worse things than kissing Mary. Sirius never paid too much attention to her but she was a good friend of Lily so she must be a nice person. Under regular circumstances he would have probably just kissed her to get them both out of this and not made much of a fuss about it but...Well, while Remus didn't want them to be official, he was not particularly fond of girls flirting with Sirius. Sirius had told him multiple times that he didn't have any interest in girls whatsoever and even if, Remus would have nothing to worry about. But Remus did worry. And if he were to find out that Sirius had kissed someone else, even under the duress of the misteltoe, he would start all over with his 'You could have anyone, why do you want me anyways?' and the 'Are you sure that you don't want to go out with anyone else? You have options, you know.'

Sirius hated these conversations, that had been a constant in their relationship since day one. Part of Sirius was somewhat flattered, that Remus obviously thought so highly of him but the - much bigger - rest of him felt, as if Remus was trying to push him away. That nothing he did or said was ever sufficient to convince the other that he was good enough, that Sirius didn't care about his other options as long Remus was still one.

With a tortured smile he turned to Mary. The girl smiled back and took a step towards him: "Guess we have to get it over with, if we want to get out of here. There seems to be noone around to bail us out."

Sirius raised his hands defensively. "No!" Mary backed off, startled by his strong reaction.

"No sorry...I...I can't kiss you. I really can't. It's nothing personal. I just...," he trailed off. Mary raised her eyebrows.

"It's okay. Uhm...but we will be stuck here if..."

"I know," Sirius interrupted her, trailing his hand trough his hair. He sighed and leaned against the cold stone wall.

They had been stuck under the mistletoe for a good hour, all their attempts at calling for help or freeing themselves futile. Even if the other marauders might be looking for him by now Sirius wasn't sure when they would turn up. He had the map with him, so no chance using that.

Suddenly Mary let out a nervous laugh.

"Would it really be that bad? To kiss me? I mean we all know you are picky but..."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you haven't dated anyone yet. And not for lack of opportunity. You don't show interest in any of the girls. I heard Samantha Jordan is actually quite offended by that."

"Is she?"

"Yes. Apparently she expected you to ask her out last valentines day."

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"See? Picky. Who doesn't like Samantha Jordan. She's quite fit! And pretty cool if you ask me."

"Maybe you should ask her out then."

"Very funny."

"I am just...otherwise inclined."

Mary looked at him attentively. "Oh? So there is someone?" Sirius flinched. He couldn't tell her. He had promised Remus.

But he could tell her part of it...

"I just...I don't think I care much for girls in general."

"Oh." Mary pondered this new found information for a bit. "I guess that makes sense. Noone in their right mind would turn down a chance with Samantha."

Sirius laughed. "Maybe you should really go out with her."

"Quite sure I'm not her type."

"Who knows, sometimes peoples dating preferences are very surprising."

"What are yours then? Are you into any boys?"

Sirius pressed his lips together and didn't respond.

"Fine then. But if you're gay...why won't you kiss me? You're not one of these guys that think girls are nasty, aren't you?"

"What? No! Of course not. I would kiss you, it's just..."

"Ahhh," Marys face lit up with understanding. "You want your first kiss to be with a boy. I get it. Well that is really unfortunate now." She looked up to their festive prison guard and sighed. "I am hungry though. We are missing dinner."

They did in fact miss dinner, but then, finally they heard footsteps coming down the hallway and soon a familiar voice called out for both of them.

"Sirius? Mary? Maryyy? Hello?"

"Lily, hey over here," Mary yelled over to her friend who hurried towards them, James, Remus and Peter in tow. "There you are! We were starting to get worried."

"Misteloe," said Sirius while pointing upwards and threw Remus an apologetic look. Remus mouth twitched. Obviously relieved, that Sirius would rather be stuck for hours, than to kiss someone else.

Lily shot down the mistletoe with remarkable precision and pulled Mary into a relieved hug.

**

"Are you going to get anything for Sirius?" Lily asked while they made their way through the hallways on one of their obligatory prefect rounds. Sometimes this occupation had it's downsides.

"What do you mean," Remus asked confused. Lily raised an eyebrow.

"For Valentines day? It is in three days!"

"Oh. Well I don't think he wants anything. Sirius isn't much of a gift person, always says he's already got everything. Also he thinks valentines is stupid."

Lily hummed thoughtfully. "Are you sure? I mean James is similar but he still liked the candy I got him last year."

Remus chuckled. "Of course he did, because you gave them to him. It wasn't about the candy, it was about..." Lily watched contentedly how the realization crossed his face. "Well fuck," Remus murmured. "What am I supposed to get him? There is no chance to go to Hogsmeade before?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe pick him some flowers."

"In February."

"You could steal some from the greenhouses."

"Are you encouraging rule breaking behavior, Lily?"

She rolled her eyes. "You could...I don't know. Maybe do something nice with him instead? Plan a little date? You haven't been out with each other at all."

"Yes, because people aren't supposed to know."

"I don't understand why though. What are you worried about? If anyone made any stupid comments I am sure Sirius would put a stop to that quickly."

"I just...Well if you see us together...Do you never think it looks weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Sirius is...he is fucking gorgeous. Everybody thinks that. Even the people that despise him cannot deny that he is very handsome. And I...I am pretty mediocre at best."

"You are being to critical with yourself. You look completely fine."

"Yes, exactly. I look fine, he looks perfect. He is charming and effortlessly cool and I am a bloody dork."

"Oh come on, that's just not true. I admit, you used to be a little...loopy. But that was in first grade! You've grown up!"

Remus shook his head. "This is really nice of you but still...If people saw us together they would certainly wonder what on earth he is doing with me."

"And then what?"

"Then they might start telling him that and then he might start wondering too," said Remus quietly. Lily gently shook her head.

"Remus," she said softly. "That's never going to happen."

When Remus entered the Great Hall Sirius was already sitting at their usual spot. James and Lily were off on one of their romantic walks around the castle and Peter had to take extra lessons with Prof. Flitwick, to fix his grades before the N.E.W.T.s. So Sirius was by himself. Except for Oliver Thompson, a 7th year Ravenclaw who was leaning on the back of Sirius chair, hovering over him. They were talking. Remus couldn't hear their voices but from the look on Thompsons face he could imagine.

Since word had gotten around that Sirius was gay - Mary had accidentally let it slip and word got out quickly - the girls had stopped hitting on him but some boys had started. And they happened to be lot more forward about it. Remus quickened his pace to reach them faster.

"Why not? Come on just one date! It won't kill you," he heard Thompson say.

"It might," Sirius replied dryly. "Sorry Thompson but I am not interested."

"Really? Not even a chance? I promise I'd make it worth your while." Thompson smiled suggestively and Sirius pulled a face in response.

Remus had reached them and without thinking he stepped in between them and pushed Thompson away from Sirius. Jealousy was pooling in his stomach like acid.

"He's not interested."

Thompson raised his eyebrows mockingly "Oh I am sorry, since when is it part if the prefect duties to cockblock?" Remus glared at the brawny guy.

"Step away, Thompson."

Thompson laughed. "Look at that! Loopy Lupin trying to tell me off!"

"Watch your mouth!" hissed Sirius angrily and got up from his chair.

Thompson sneered. "Why are you defending that loser? I mean I know you two are hanging out but we all know that's a pity thing right?"

The words made Remus feel sick and dizzy but he held his position. He would not just give up now. And he knew it wasn't true. Right? Of course not.

Thompsons patience however ran out and he roughly pushed Remus aside. "Out of my way, nerd."

Remus collided painfully with the table. He was about to pull his wand when Thompson was suddenly knocked back by a spell, landing on his ass. His eyed grew wide in shock as he realized that he couldn't even complain about the rough treatment, since his mouth had vanished without a trace.

"I said watch your mouth," Sirius stated coldly and put his wand away. When he looked over to the shocked Remus, his gaze immediately softend. "Are you alright?"

Remus answer was interrupted by a loud yell from the other side of the Hall.

"MR. BLACK! Into my office, NOW!" Professor McGonnagalls face was flushed red with anger as she crossed the hall with long strides.

"All weekend?" James asked shocked.

"He can be glad that it is only that!" Remus shook his head. "That was an incredible dangerous spell! You could have killed him, Sirius!"

Sirius glared at him. "I did that for you, you git."

"That was utterly unnecessary."

"As was your pseudoheroic attempt to drive him away. If you want people to stop hitting on me, there would be an easier way, you know?" Sirius got up from his bed and stormed out of the dorm.

"Sirius!" Remus called after him but to no avail.

James sighed. "What is it with you two."

Remus groaned and dropped back onto his bed.

After Sirius hadn't returned at bedtime Remus decided to go looking for him. James handed him the map and the cloak and told him to not rile Sirius up any further. As if he had consciously chosen to do that.

He found his boyfriend in the owlery, perched on a windowsill between the birds, as if he was one himself. "Are you still sulking?," he asked gently.

"I'm not sulking," Sirius snapped back. "I just don't want to deal with you right now."

Remus flinched. He felt bad for making Sirius this upset. But Sirius had gone too far!

"I'm sorry. I appreciate that you defended me but that was...a bit much." Sirius didn't look at him and kept his narrowed eyes fixated on something in the brickwork.

"I mean, It was a little funny...but I don't want you to do something like that for my sake."

"Well that's too damn bad because I will."

Remus sighed and sat himself next to Sirius in the window. The cold air crept through the layers of his clothing and he shivered a little. Sirius must have been sitting here for a while...

"Aren't you cold?"

Sirius gave him a disparaging look. "No."

"Sirius..." Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius waist. Touching usually helped when they've had a spat. But this time Sirius shuffled away from him, keeping his arms crossed. Remus stomach twisted. He hated this.

"Please. Don't be like that."

"Me? What am I doing? Why are you like that," Sirius called out angrily, jumping up and turning to Remus. Remus could see tears glistening in his eyes. His heart cramped. "We've been together for 8 months and you still want noone to know! I get that you need time but come on! We haven't been out once and because you want to keep it a bloody secret, people hit on me and then you get upset because people hit on me. And now you are mad at me because I dealt with it in a way that doesn't suit you! And you haven't..." Sirius stopped his ramblings for a second to steady his breath "...sometimes...sometimes I think you don't even like me."

Sirius turned his face away again but Remus could still see the tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. His throat was tight.

"Sirius..." he got up and approached him carefully. "Of course I like you! I...I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't. Hey, look at me. Please." He gently put his hand on Sirius cheek, feeling hot tears on his skin and turned his head towards him. Sirius didn't resist. Remus softly ran his thumb over Sirius cheek, trying to comfort him. Anything to make him stop crying. "I am so sorry." He whispered and Sirius head dropped against his shoulder. Remus wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

"I love you."

The words came out so easily all of a sudden, he surprised himself by saying them. All these months he meant to, but couldn't get them out. Like his body would simply not let him speak, not let him become so vulnerable. Maybe because he had been scared that if he said it out loud, it would become real. And then he would have no more excuses in front of himself to keep them a secret. And then...He truly feared what would happen if they were official.

Sirius slowly lifted his head, looking at him through long wet lashes. "You...really? You don't have to..."

Remus pressed a tender kiss on his lips. "I do. And I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I love you so much." Now he could feel tears stinging in his own eyes. Saying these words felt incredibly freeing.

They took their time on their way back to the castle. Slowly strolling over the dark pathways, hands clasped tightly.

"What do you wanna do for valentines day?," Remus asked into the comfortable silence between them.

Sirius gave him a surprised look. "Do you wanna do something? I'm not sure I can offer much. With the detention..."

"I could apply to watch your detention. I am a prefect after all," Remus grinned.

Sirius smirked mischievously. "Sounds like a plan, Mr. Prefect."

Remus looked over to his boyfriend. He was truly a sight to behold, drenched in moonlight, his silky black hair falling softly down to his shoulders, his eyes twinkling like stars on the nightsky..."You are so beautiful," he heard himself say. Obviously today was 'say your thoughts out loud day'.

Sirius laughed. "So that's why you like me, huh?"

"Bullshit. I like you because you are a mean cunt that hexes peoples mouth shut when they piss you off."

Sirius snorted. Then, after a brief pause he asked: "Would you still like me if I didn't look good?"

Remus chuckled in surprise. "Of course! But you would always look good. It's just how you are."

"That makes no sense. My apperance is hardly an ingrained character trait."

"No, it is! I mean...how do I explain this. Do you know how some people can pull off the ugliest clothing? Like no matter what they wear they always make it look good. I think that's you but with...bodies? Like you could take poly juice of...of Snivellus and..."

"Ewww why do you have to bring him into this?"

Remus laughed "Let me continue," he giggled. "So what I'm trying to say is, you could wear the most unattractive person but you would still look good. People would still think you were hot."

Sirius snorted. "You are being ridiculous."

"Maybe. Maybe I just like you too much..." he grinned. The events of the last hour had left him feeling giddy and carefree. And maybe that was the reason, why he said the following:

"I think I am ready. I think...I think I want people to know. I want to be able to point at you and tell people that you are my boyfriend. And I want all these guys to leave you alone."

Sirius face lit up and he stopped in his tracks. "Really?! Are you sure?"

Remus nodded. Sirius beamed and pulled him into a kiss. Remus rejoiced in the feeling of their lips moving together, hands and arms tightly wrapped around the other, before they reluctantly separated and continued their walk to the dorm, both smiling to themselves.

**

Since valentines, things had been nothing but wonderful between them. The reaction of the other students to them suddenly strolling through the hallways hand in hand hadn't been nearly as bad as Remus had expected. Maybe the tale of Thompsons fate had served them as a warning. People were definitely talking about them but usually left them alone. And so they spent the breaks together snogging in some corner of the castle or behind the greenhouses and the evenings in the common room snuggling on one of the couches.

But with May came study season and Remus became increasingly stressed. Sirius of course didn't have any concerns about the N.E.W.T.s but Remus spend exceeding hours at the library, revising.

Today was one of those days. Remus was sat behind a pile of book with Sirius next to him who had tipped his chair back and played with the hood of Remus cloak, when Lily and Mary joined them giggeling about something.

"What is wrong with him?"

"Don't be so harsh Mary, he's only a kid."

"He is fifteen! I wasn't that supid at fifteen!"

"Who is stupid?" Sirius asked mildly intrigued.

"Lockhart." Lily dropped her books on the table and sat down across them.

"Who's that?"

"One of the 5th graders," mumbled Remus still focused on his book.

"The blonde one. Actually quite cute if he wasn't such a baby," Mary added.

"And what did he do?"

Lily and Mary exchanged a look and Lily looked over to Remus.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Well...he said that he was going to 'romance' you," Lily giggled at her own words.

"What?" Remus looked up from his book.

"Yes. He seems to believe that he can unhitch Sirius. Absolutely ridiculous."

Remus frowned. Gilderoy Lockhart might be a little pretentious twat but he was quite good looking. A lot better than himself, anyway. Maybe he wasn't being that ridiculous...He looked over too Sirius who was pulling a face.

"What an idiot. Who does he think he is? Unhitch me...really." He turned to Remus. "Absurd isn't it?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders and turned back to his book. He felt queasy.

Since the revelation of Gilderoys plan and some - futile - flirting attempts from his side, he had become topic number one between Remus and Sirius and, by extension, the marauders as a whole. Sirius brushed the whole thing off as a kid having delusions and couldn't understand why Remus would feel threatened. Remus on the other hand was getting increasingly upset. James and Lily tried their best to calm him.

"Come on mate, do you really think Pads would cheat on you? That's mental."

"I am not worried that he will cheat, I am worried that he will leave me!"

"For a fifth grader."

Remus groaned in annoyance. "Look, I....its just..."

"He loves you."

"I know but I haven't exactly been a good boyfriend, haven't I? I made him keep it a secret for months, didn't tell him that I love him and now I am constantly busy studying. And I know he is bored. But I need to study if I want to pass and...and what if he is so bored that he'd rather spend some time with Gilderoy than another afternoon in the library..." he trailed off, feeling terrible.

James shook his head vigorously. "He doesn't care about that. Do you really think he'd leave you because he's bored?"

"Well frankly, yes. I do. Because being bored gives him time to think and then he might realize how blinded he was and how much better off he would be with someone else." His voice broke.

James put a hand on his shoulder. "Moony. You are worried about nothing. Believe me, if Sirius suddenly lost interest in you I would know."

James had a point, Remus thought. But the uneasy feeling didn't dissolve.

"Excuse me, help! You're a prefect, right?" a group of agitated students ran towards Remus who was on his way to the hall with Sirius.

"Yes. I am. What's the matter? And no running in the hallways please!" He just knew that Sirius was gonna make fun of his Prefect voice later.

"Gilderoy." The students tried to catch their breath. "He is at the Hippogriffs."

"What the fuck is he doing there," Sirius asked immediately pissed off.

"He wanted to ride one."

"What?! Does he have an urgent deathwish or something?"

"He wanted to impress...Well he wanted to impress you. Because you take care of them. So he thought if he could ride one..."

Sirius groaned loudly. "What is wrong with that kid?"

"But he got snatched!" Interrupted one of the younger students.

"Snatched?" asked Remus with growing concern. Sirius was already hurrying towards the paddock, the group of students in tow. Remus ran after them.

As they made their way downhill it started raining. Soon all of them were drenched. Suddenly a hippogriff emerged from the clouds, a screaming Gilderoy in it's claws.

Remus caught up to Sirius and grabbed his arm.

"Is this really your concern? What do you even want to do? Shouldn't we get a teacher?"

Sirius shook him off. "I can handle this."

"Sure okay, run to save him!"

Sirius spun around. "What is your problem? Do you want him to die?"

"And since when do you care about that? Or do you care because it's him?"

Sirius pulled a face, angry. "I care because of the hippogriffs. Do you know what happens if they kill someone? I won't let that happen." Sirius turned back around and continued walking.

"Sirius, wait. I...I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt."

Sirius turned around again and in one swift motion pulled Remus into a brief but intense kiss. "I'll be fine."

Remus watched helplessly how Sirius entered the paddock, unleashed and mounted another hippogriff with ease and set off.

It took a few attempts until Sirius managed to free Gilderoy and steered all four off them safely to ground. The group of students and Remus watched in awe.

After they had landed Sirius grabbed Gilderoys arm and roughly dragged him off the paddock.

"Someone get him to the hospital wing."

"You saved me!" Gilderoy swooned. "How can I ever repay you?"

"By staying the fuck away from me! I've got a boyfriend and no intention about swapping him out, eventhough he seems to think otherwise. So get a fucking grip, kid." Sirius grabbed Remus hand und pulled him back to the castle.

They went back to the dorm, Sirius was drying off his wet hair and they both changed into dry clothes.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Remus said. "I was worried about him. I just...I guess I just didn't want you to be the one saving him. Stupid I know."

"Remus...you're not stupid. I mean...I guess I would probably be jealous too, if someone announced that he wants to take you away from me." Sirius pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "I'm sorry I made you feel so insecure."

"It's not your fault..."

Sirius gently cupped Remus face. "I love you. And I don't want anyone else. Especially not this little twat."

Remus smiled weakly. "I feel like a little twat myself to be honest."

"You aren't. You are great. And you would never be so stupid. Trying to ride a hippogriff...fucking maniac."

Remus leaned his forehead against Sirius.

"Will we be okay?"

"Of course we will, Moonsy. We'll be just fine."

**

The exam season went by in a blur off study sessions, eating and sleeping. The last exam had finally passed and Remus could feel reasonably confident that he'd be leaving Hogwarts with decent grades and he could enjoy their final night at the pub without worries.

"So you two will start Auror training?" Mary asked Lily and James.

Lily nodded. "It sounds like it's quite challenging but I'm up for it"

"Of course you are! You are brilliant," James beamed at her and she blushed a little.

"What about you Pads, have you decided already? Are you going to join us?"

"Nah, don't think so. I would probably get into trouble the first week." Sirius grinned. "I thought maybe I'll do cursebreaking."

"Cursebreaking?" asked Peter surprised. "Isn't that super dangerous?"

Mary nodded, concerned: "I thought that was a job for when you desperately need money...didn't you get a bunch from your uncle?"

"Yes but I will certainly not rest on it. And I think it will be fun. I mean can you imagine me working for the ministry?"

Remus hesitantly shook his head. He couldn't. Actually cursebreaking was the perfect job for Sirius. He was made for it. But Peter was right. It was quite dangerous and Remus wasn't fond of the thought of Sirius getting hurt.

"You'll do great there, mate. They need people like you," James backed Sirius up.

"I guess chances are that we'd still work together sometimes. There is quite some overlap in the fields."

"And what about you, Remus?" Mary turned to him now.

"Me? Oh I don't now. I guess I'll see what I can get."

Mary frowned. "But you're grades should be good, with all the time you spend studying. I'm sure you'll have options."

Remus forced a smile. With his lycanthropy in mind he doubted her words strongly. "We'll see."

He could feel Sirius nudging him under the table, sensing his discomfort. "Well if you don't find anything I can always take care of you."

Remus shook his head decidedly. "No. Absolutely not."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, sounding offended.

"Because I don't want you to. I need to be able to support myself."

"Well sure, but if you weren't I could..."

"No."

Mary and Lily exchanged puzzled looks. "I don't get why that would be necessary..." Lily wondered.

"And why would you not want that? Not having to work, being taken care of...sounds nice to me," Mary mused.

"Well I don't like it. I don't want to be dependent on someone else."

"You are making it sound liked I'd use it to control you," Sirius complained.

"No, I don't think that. I just..." I don't deserve it, he thought.

Sirius huffed. "Suit yourself. But I will not let you starve, as stubborn as you might be, trust me I am worse." He gave Remus a smile and Remus couldn't help but return it. He knew, if he had to be dependent on someone, then he wanted it to be Sirius.

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

[sh1-n0bu]

congrats on reaching 300 followers!!! may i request for hetalia? (i’m not sure on the maximum amount of characters allowed so i’ll make a list, you can skip anyone you don’t want to write for) how would scotland, wales, spain, portugal, france and northern ireland deal with an s/o who’s always lost in their thoughts? like they’re always imagining up complex storylines with their own characters, impossible scenarios, procrastinating, giving themselves unnecessary anxiety, and it’s turned to maladaptive daydreaming at this point. they know this, and they say they’re trying to change, but deep down they really don’t want to because reality hurts, and they’d rather be lost in their own little world instead. am i self-inserting too much? probably-

✿ 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ✿

characters: francis (france), allistor (scotland), dylan (wales), antonio (spain) and siamas (northern ireland) x nb!reader

warnings: hints of maladaptive daydreaming, disassociation, insomnia, existential crisis, comfort, fluff, light angst

notes: phew it has been so long since i had last watched hetalia so i had to watch a lot of vids, comps and read the fandom articles to remind myself of them lmao. with that the characters also might come off OOC

hetalia fandom r u still alive????? if so then yall better prepare bc once my inbox gets flooded with hetalia reqs im gonna terrorize yall🕴🕴

francis is a romantic through and through and due to that he daydreams as well. whether it be romantic dates or acts you and him could do together, recreating gentle scenes from his favorite romance novels, plan out your date and anniversaries - francis is a romantic soul and he feels your daydreaming problem to a certain degree.

whenever he notices you suddenly go quiet, eyes hazy and unfocused, staring at something while fiddling with the strands of your hair, nails, the strings of your hoodie or anything you can get your hands on, the man would let out a sigh and sit behind you. pulling your body close to himself and slowly rocking you both back and forth gently - waiting patiently for you to come back to the real world.

but sometimes francis just can’t help but get a little bit selfish. wanting your attention only on himself but he knows it’s wrong.

so that’s why, when you stepped into your shared home with the blond after another draining day at work, he had already prepared a tea party setup with your favorite novel’s theme, dressed up as your favorite character with a charming smile and gentle eyes. candles lit, the freshly baked goods’ scent wafting through the air enough to make you drool alongside a hot, steaming marble pot filled with a chamomile tea.

“mon amour, would you care for a tea with me?”

before you two started dating, allistor thought of your stimming and daydreaming moments as something familiar to his brother, arthur.

perhaps you saw something that the normal people couldn’t see and interact with them like his little brother, so the redhead didn’t ask anything of it nor did he thought it’s anything problematic. however he got smacked in the face by how deeply your maladaptive daydreaming problems run when after your date at the cafe together, you almost got hit by a car when crossing the street with unfocused eyes and slow, dragged steps.

since then, allistor took it upon himself to study and research more about the differences of daydreaming and maladaptive ones, what causes them to happen, the reason for one to end up having such an odd yet harsh behavior.

whenever you would end up stimming with your headphones plugged in, mindlessly and robotically going through your work with an eerie silence - the man would observe you for a while, trying to decipher if you’re slipping a bit too deep into the dreams before walking over to you and gently tapping on your shoulder.

when your lovely eyes would lock with his own bright blue ones he would give you a smile and reach out a hand. a silent invitation for a slow dance with him - a formerly talked upon agreement that you two made to help you reground again after another slip.

“dalrin’ would you care to share your dreams with me?”

dylan loves fantasy creatures and stories like his brothers and due to that the blond daydreams quite often as well. about the different mythical creatures, their origins, territory, how they would live and interact with one another - all sorts of things.

he tends to stim a lot without even noticing as well so dylan would be the best person to share your struggles of maladaptive daydreaming. not to mention the short man always carries around a big sponge or those cute, character shaped stress balls.

the first time when he found you completely unresponsive laying on your bed with your headphones in, dylan immediately knew what was going on. so he silently slipped into the bed next to you, held your hand in his own and rubbed slow circles into the flesh until you came back again.

since then you both had made a promise to each other to try and get better. slowly but surely working on your behaviors, problems and sudden slips. and it’s safe to say that you both had gotten better.

“cupcake! if you slip down the rabbit hole again then take my hand and drag me down with you! ‘cuz i don’t ever want to be without you.”

antonio is a bright and optimistic young man, however sometimes he comes off as blunt and insensitive due to him not fully being able to read the situation at hand.

perhaps it’s due to his inability to read the room that he was able to snap you out of your slip so easily and effectively when you two first met. a simple pat to your shoulder and voice asking you “what are you doing sitting around without doing anything for?” definitely stopped your daydreaming.

after you had said your answer to him in an unsure voice, the bright smile wearing man simple smiled even brighter and asked you if you wanted to be friends.

and since then antonio and you two became friends. meeting up in small shops, restaurants, gardens, everywhere anywhere all at once until one day after almost 2 years of friendship the young man asked you if you would like to take your relationship a step further.

whenever he finds you stimming with your fingers while gazing at someplace far away, he just can’t help but get a bit sad. you wanted to be someplace that’s not here and antonio didn’t want you to go somewhere where he can’t be with you.

so he would always rubs simple shapes into your hand or shoulder, giving you an unusually melancholic smile with his pinky raised.

“pinky promise to always come back from your wonderland to me?”

siamas is a loud and chatty fellow - the perfect human representation of a golden retriever if only he had blond hair instead of red.

it was all thanks to his bright personality that you have been getting better and better at regrounding yourself back again when alone.

when siamas first saw your behavior with his own eyes he immediately knew what it was. so the redhead calmly walked over to your sitting form on the couch, kneeling before you and started to plant butterfly kisses on your cheeks. trailing them slowly over your acnes/moles/freckles until you snapped back and let out a giggle at his sweet antics.

he always has a lot of different toys, chibis and cute little bracelets connected to his keychain so whenever you two are going out kn a walk or a date, when he feels your hand become loose in his own he would proudly pull out his keychain and put one of the toys into your hand. gently squeezing yours - which is holding the toy - in his own, giving you a smile and a proud kiss to your forehead when you ground yourself back.

“welcome back honey. so what do you think of getting for dinner today?”

[ratsoks]

If it's no problem, could you do a Villain Deku x reader where reader has Depression and anxiety and gets triggered by loud noises that sound argumentative or like said person is disappointed in them? And they overthink things & think they are a disappointment and they aren't enough and can't do anything right, all that good stuff. They also struggle with remembering to drink water and sometimes skip a meal. The loud noises could just be people yelling at each other or at them. If you could do something like that and it be a fluff that'd be amazing <3

Oh, and of the things that help calm them down is listening to music and they have a very slight shake in there hand and they also appogize A LOT. They also have very shitty memory so, sometimes they forget things and scold themselves for doing so.

Srry if this is all confusing or unspecific. I was just jotting ideas for this down 😅 I hope this made sense and it would be amazing if you could do it, no pressure and you don't have to if you don't want too-

a/n — SORRY IVE DISAPPEARED FOR MONTHS uhh has it been a year........ blinks BHWAHGAH burnout is crrazzyzyy BUT IM ON SUMMER BREAK NOW so hopefully ill be able to write more thumbs up emoji anyways TY FOR REQUESTING ANON!!!!!! i love details pls don't apologize for specifying what u want :) gender — neutral (no pronouns mentioned) warnings — depression, anxiety, mentions of breakdowns, mentions of medications, mentions of forgetting to eat, mentions of yelling

bro THIS MAN growls barks howls at the moon

he's fucking WHIPPED

he would do anything for you anyways, but????? you crying??????? he just???????? combusts?????

whether you cry a lot or you don't, midoriya is always there to wipe your tears away with gentle gloved hands. a warm drink of your preference would be pressed into your palms, and the man would never pressure you to tell him what was on your mind unless you wanted to SNIFFLES

he himself has never liked loud noises—the loud explosions coming from bakugou's hands has always unnerved him ever since he was four—but it never got to the point where he was triggered by it

in some way, when he first encounters you getting triggered, he feels mildly prepared on what to do, but at the same time, comfort differs for everyone.

he knew what he liked when he got upset, but the same couldn't be said for you

he didn't want to trigger you any further

tldr MY MAN WAS NERVOUS HBWAHAH

if you're not touch-averse during times of distress, he would take your hand in his and gingerly stroke the back of your hand with his gloved thumb

if you don't like touch, he'll hang back and talk to you softly, whispering encouraging words and maybe even humming a gentle song in order to calm you down

when it comes to self-deprecating thoughts, izuku is always there to help you

constant reassurances are made, and izuku vehemently stamps out any sort of thought that nobody likes you

while he doesn't want anyone to like you except for him, he can make some exceptions for his precious angel

depression often makes it hard for you to be able to do anything, such as brushing your teeth, drinking water, or even getting out of bed

izuku is able to coax your sheet-encased form out from the bed and into a warm bath with him, lighting some candles and pouring some bubbles in the water

depression also fucks up your sleep schedule; you either sleep way too much or not at all, but no matter what, izuku makes sure that you don't mess it up too bad

he wakes you up when you've slept for at least seven hours (will occasionally let you sleep for more but too much is bad for u) and will sing/soothe you to sleep when you can't

you feel terrible for keeping him up at night bc like!!!! ur such a nuisance!!!!!! dawg what why would you stay up w me im such a bad person!!!!!!!!!

and he's like >:(((( babe >:(((((( tf do u mean ur a bad person >:((( honey UR GORGEOUS and then he will proceed to pepper u with kisses all over ur face bc he's a great boyfriend :)

he will rob every single bank in japan just to get u a decent pair of headphones and i will stand by this fact until the day that i expire

since listening to music calms you down, headphones are a must in his eyes!!! even if you don't use them a lot, or even at all, deku always likes to be prepared :))) it never hurt anyone :))))))

if meds are prescribed to you, izuku will make sure you take them whenever needed

all in all he's like the best boyfriend ever mwa

he may be a villain but he's not evil!!!!!!! god!!!!!!!! get with the times broski

[shjiyemis]

Warning!!! Gonna mention topics like racism and transphobia, and internalized versions of them. Heavy subjects that we know are going on with these characters are not being ignored just not going into them fully!!!

----

Ok guys get ready for trans guy Bro Strider concept with a side of Dirk and Dave, it is a novel so look out LOL

This is an interpretation and concept I made up for fun with my headcanons, a theory even. So don't put words in my mouth. None of this canon nor am I saying it is. (but it's definitely canon in this head of mine, leave me be GJVFHCHF)

This is not me making excuses for Bro either, I am simply giving him a backstory and more layers.

---------

I headcanon Bro Strider as a trans guy (bc I headcanon Dirk as trans-masc), but like a trans guy who's lives in the down-low about being gay but completely hides that he's trans. I imagine he strayed away from any family he had before transitioning and was like, never gonna go back lol. Im pretty sure Bro was like a young adult around the 70s or 80s too so like we all know what was going on around those times tbh, plus the general prejudice that happened during those times (and to this day) can definitely imagine him dissociating from that in general.

IT ALSO ADDS ON BC I HEADCANON HIM AS BLACK SO LIKE black trans gay guy, pls that'd be a monstrosity of trauma whether it was indirect OR direct. 😱😱😱

My whole idea is that Bro was dissociating from most of that, probably met Mom Lalonde at some point in the past (like not romantically or sexually or anything of the sort). He's always been smart and a strong guy and able to work around shit but I think later on he actually starts becoming successful in the p0rn industry. Kind of where he was at his high but yeah, after he started gaining such popularity and success during that time is where Dave comes into the picture.

Uses training that he's seen in anime (stupid idiot) and as well as like Lil Cal guidance,,, let's not forget that puppet possessed in the beta universe... (And honestly I wouldn't be surprised if Bro Strider had an already general idea of extreme physical training before hand btw) Also like.... Bro is an asshole btw,,,,, A HUGE ONE!!! empathy is low, just cares about solutions but not really process, as long as it gets good results it doesn't matter.

Generally a shitty guy who won't give most people the time of day, unless he's getting something out of it.

~---~

I skipped a lot of things that are like more important to Homestuck bc I'm mostly talking about Broooo rnnnn so if you were like "there's stuff missing" it's bc I skipped it GJCGJVGVJGVJ

~---~

I also headcanon Dave as a trans guy, which is funny because all the striders really hopped on the trans ur gender train lololol

Dave's transness is way more different from Bro's though, more through experience. Dave was simply raised and he believed himself to be a boy because Bro was a boy and he also liked the stuff aligned with it. He never went to public school, he was homeschooled but he walked in the city alone alot, probably made a few friends in parks or near school grounds but was never IN school.

He was a boy no one really questioned it, so it only came up that he could be societally aligned with girls later on, like probably 10-12. But was probably pushed out of any traumatic shock by Bro about it and Bro was probably giving Dave a lot of like "man up" mentality. He was never actually able to process it much so it just never bothered him until later on in his life (probably mid-meteor ride).

-----

Like the trans Bro kind of came up one day when I was hyperfixating on Dirk (whom I headcanon as trans-masc, not a trans guy persay but he definitely leans into man label, I've been playing with his dislike for labels and kind of putting him under queer haha!) which is also fun and interesting to play with Bro because that also implies he's non-binary but like doesn't understand that label on the slightest nor cares enough to identify as anything else but as a guy!!

(Also quickly wanted to add that a good label that aligns with Dirks gender /for ppl who need it/ would be nonbinary guy/demi-guy/trans-masc nonbinary, Dirk just doesn't strictly label it, nor does he want to)

Like a few friends I've talked to said Bro would definitely be a transmed and honestly he probably is but more to the degree of not understanding ppl that go against the transmed ideology but like not caring bc it's not business (in my whole concept anyways), he's not interested in it or most people so he doesn't really blurt out about it. He'd probably think people like Kalvin Garrah and ppl similar to him are dumb as hell bc like, "cis ppl have always hated us wtf are you on?" But he also doesn't involve himself in any LGBT politics/problems, at most keeps up with stuff so he gets his down low business done safely.

----

Dave would be considered to literally be a stud if he was known to be afab, he also has small breasts like Dirk/Bro too so a compression shirt would do the trick easy. He never actually medically transitioned until probably post-game, as an adult.

Upon actually going through puberty Dave was simply given the pill. Bro didn't raise Dave as a trans kid, he raised him as a boy without transness in mind!

Bro didn't educate Dave about trans ppl or anything of the sort, he simply raised him. Dave was a boy and still a boy, just not the same way as Bro, expression-wise and in experience.

----

Will also definitely say this too, Dave did not know that Bro was trans.

Bro was like literally living and identifying as a cis man and his down low life was more about being a gay black man rather then a TRANS gay black man.

There's definitely a possibility he ran into a few trans men/trans-masc ppl and felt more comfortable with exposure with a few of those individuals but like yeah he kept his transness in the down-low bc even gay who were cis looked down on trans gays

Especially as someone who grew up in the 70s-80s where's trans ppl in general were seen as weirdos even within the lgbt community in certain areas AND racism. Both of those existed inside and outside the trans community.

So yeah, like. He couldn't really hide the fact he was black (though can't say he was ashamed of being black the same way he was ashamed of himself being trans, but he probably does have some slight internalized racism in general), but it had gotten "better" atleast a couple years prior of Dave arriving. His transness tho is very easy to hide. He did not need any top surgery bc he had already had small breasts and testosterone can make your breasts decrease in size as well, along with his very heavy increase in muscle? All of that made it so he didn't really need surgery at all and he made his own bottom prosthetics for himself for easy hiding during any possible sexual encounters.

-----

Hope y'all enjoyed feel free to send asks about this if you want 🥺

[teshief]

red is a primary color

a hellsinger fic i wrote a couple days ago that im way too shy to share so i might delete later

cw for mentions of a car crash, it doesnt go into detail but Its There

“Could be a lot sooner than never, too.”

Paz took a small sip of his drink, his conversation partner long checked-out of their one-sided talk. Didn’t matter to him- Paz just liked telling his stories, whether or not people listened. Some people said he talked too much. Fair enough.

If they stayed silent for millenia, they’d probably be happy to talk again, too.

The doors behind him opened, and everything stood still for a moment. The music in the bar quieted to almost nothing in his ears.

Feels like a storm comin’.

That was the funny thing about powers in this now-human body. If he was human, devil, or angel, he didn’t know. What he did know was that his powers never fully went away. Dulled, sure, but there was still something in there.

He quickly found out that he could definitely still hear her song.

Turning slowly in his chair, he saw a silhouette standing in the wet doorway, somehow dark enough to cut through the foggy cigarette-smoke air.

They both knew.

No, it wasn’t the scarf she used as a makeshift cowl to hide her face, or the torn loincloth attached to… was that a dress shirt?

And no, it wasn’t his goofy leather jacket with his own skull printed onto it, or the abundance of Hell-themed graffiti- and, of course, his signature- pointing down the trashy alley she trudged through.

They just knew.

He gave her a wink.

The Unknown stepped into the bar, being illuminated by the low red lights hanging on the shelves. Her hair was cut short, shaved on one side. One of the scars she’d gotten in Hell, a particularly deep one on her forehead, seemed to carry over into her human self. Paz could see hints of other scars beneath her face covering. It’d been ages since he’d seen her face, he could hardly remember what was under there.

He hadn’t even realized how deep in thought he was until she took another step closer, and suddenly she was there. There. Right there, in front of him again, but so different. The same, but different.

His heart skipped a beat.

“Drink?”

She didn’t sit. Others might’ve been intimidated by her glare, but Paz just smiled up at her and poured her a shot of whatever black-label stuff he had. Others called it top-shelf. He thought it was… okay.

It was Unknown’s turn to be deep in thought. She absent-mindedly placed her hand on his shoulder- a surprisingly beefy shoulder- and stared at him while he poured. Of course he looked like this. Like a damn uncle. Like… a guy. She didn’t really know what she expected.

Well, yes she did. What she expected was something akin to his other form- his real form? First form? Something or other, she expected something like that. Not that she could remember it too well, since they had only met when-

She shivered. Paz looked back up and slid the shot glass towards her.

She took the little thing and, in a swift movement, pulled down her scarf and slammed it. Nobody could even get a glimpse of her face before it was already covered again.

She set the glass back down- a little harder than she meant to- on the table and looked into Paz’s eyes.

Let’s get out of here.

He chuckled. “Alright, alright.”

Tip your bartender, clean up after yourself, et cetera.

He nodded to the few barely-conscious at his table.

“Y’all stay safe now.”

-

The alley also stank. Trash littered the street- a street too thin for any cars, mind you- and the rain made the dumpster air sting their noses like hellfi-

Well.

They were silent for a minute. Unknown didn’t even know where they were headed to, she just stepped wherever he did.

“I’ve got a place nearby, so it’s not too far a walk,” Paz said. “You ate? We can stop somewhere and get food, if you’re hungry.”

Damn, she hadn’t eaten in… She looked at her hands. Chronology. Some amount of time. She was hungry, is all she really knew. How long had they been in the prime? She figured she’d be used to time again, but after so long…

Paz’s face lit up, and he smiled at the Unknown. He turned towards her. She was tall, almost eye-to-eye with him.

“Oh! I learned a little somethin’ for ya-” He lifted his hands to his torso, and signed.

Sign language.

She looked up at him. A crossroads. She cleared her throat.

“I have- enough… of my voice. To whisper.”

Her voice was quiet and scratchy. Paz shook his head.

“Please don’t strain yourself. I learned so you could talk to me.”

Secretly, he wanted to hear that voice forever. But, it was strained, and he knew it probably didn’t feel great to use it. She looked down at the ground.

Okay, she signed.

“But-” he said. His tone was playful.

She sighed.

“I know it relies on facial expressions, sometimes. So at some point, you’re gonna have to show me that mean mug o’ yours.”

Yeah, she knew this was coming.

She turned towards him and pulled her scarf down quickly, revealing her face. Of course he expected some scars. Hell was a rough time. Most of her nose was missing, and the left side of her mouth had a bit of missing skin as well. The street lights hit her eyes when she looked up- they were a pretty bright green. He chuckled. Too many Styx crystals, huh?

“Well, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he said quietly. He lifted his hand to her cheek, then paused. “Can I?”

She nodded.

He cupped her face in his hand, brushing his thumb across her cheek. Her eyes fell shut.

Safety. She hadn’t felt that in…

Chronology.

Some amount of time.

Paz cleared his throat. “So, we’ll head home, and I can order you somethin’. Plenty of places are still open this late, it’s only…” He checked his watch. “Eleven? Not too bad.”

Unknown was impressed. For someone who spent his whole life in Heaven, he seemed to adapt to human life pretty quickly. It made her wonder what Heaven was like. Did they have little corner store delis up there, too?

-

Paz let the Unknown in first. He turned the lights on behind her, and tossed his apartment key in the tray.

“Mi casa es su casa,” he said. Unknown wasted no time in flopping her entire weight face-first on the futon. She lay there for a second, just taking in the comfort of… well, being comfortable. Paz chuckled. She turned over on her back.

“I’m gonna go order somethin’.” He left the room, and Unknown heard a landline unhook somewhere. She wondered what year it was. When she first died- she shivered- she remembered having a smartphone of some kind. It wasn’t something new and fancy, but it worked, and she liked it. She remembered it having a nice case.

She remembered a lot, really.

Paz came back a minute later. “Food’ll be here soon,” he said, sitting on the armchair next to the futon. He was still holding the phone, a bulky looking thing, and waved it around as he spoke.

“Y’know, a lot of times, when you order somethin’ at a place, they ask for a name,” Paz started. Unknown looked over at him, still lying comfortably on her back, arms crossed over her belly.

“But… I don’t think I ever got yours.”

She lifted her arms, beginning to sign each letter slowly. He read intently.

A fitting name.

“Huh. How ‘bout I call you C, for short?”

She nodded. He could see her eyes crinkle up, like she was smiling under that scarf.

-

Unknown was drying her hair with a soft towel. She tried to wring out the droplets still hiding in there, but her hair was thick, and she was struggling with it. Muscle memory was dedicated to handling Terminus now, not… hair.

“So, here’s the bathroom- plenty of hot water, if you wanna take a long shower- and here’s a closet full of whatever you might need.”

They were down a short hallway, barely ten feet from the living-room-dining-room hybrid that made the apartment's entryway.

“And I, uh, got a change of clothes for you. They might be a little too big, I’m not sure.”

He went into the dark bedroom and opened a drawer, pulling out some clothes resting on top. 

“Figured you might need ‘em whenever we met back up.”

Well, that was nice of him. Paz had thought ahead enough to get her plenty of supplies- toothbrush, change of clothes, towels, whatever she needed, really. A part of her felt guilty that she didn’t have anything to give back.

Looking at herself in the steamed-up mirror, she tried to remember.

When she first died… she didn’t remember what came after that. Hell, of course, but not how she got there, or anything before her Judgment.

No. She wanted to remember before all that.

She squeezed a gob of toothpaste on the brush and started working at her teeth.

She was driving.

On her way to a gig, some place late at night. Her car was full of random garbage for the sound guys- amps, monitors, mics, tons of loose wires. Of course, the greedy bastards at the club didn’t provide her with a van, so she had to stuff it all in her back seat and pray.

And pray.

Wrong place, wrong time.

Some idiot speeding runs a red light- ugh, it's always red- and T-bones her.

Before she even realizes what’s going on, she thinks about the equipment rattling behind her.

Aw, man, they’re gonna kill me for that.

Not before this jackass did.

That’s when she woke up, somewhere in what she assumed was the Temple of Law. Some place surrounded by lava. The air was red, the ground was red, Judge was wearing red.

She really hated red.

But red is a primary color, so she figured she’d better get used to seeing it often.

She shook her head, freeing herself from her trance, with gross toothpaste-spit running down her mouth. Ew. She spit it out into the sink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Of course, not having brushed her teeth in eons, her gums bled a bright red.

She laughed.

-

“You done in there?” Paz asked when the door opened. The steam poured out into the chill hallway, making everything a little heavier. They met eyes, and Unknown nodded, still digging some stray water droplets out of her ears. She looked comfortable, even without her face being covered. Paz smiled.

“Well, I’m gonna hop in the shower. I won’t be too long. There’s a TV in the living room, feel free to use it. My bed’s over there, if you wanna sleep,” he said, gesturing towards the bedroom with a smile on his face. Unknown nodded again. She was tired.

Paz closed the bathroom door behind him.

When he came out, not more than ten minutes later, he heard a snore. He turned his head to the dark room beside him. It looked like the Unknown made herself comfortable and passed out. He chuckled quietly and closed the door.

He headed to the living room, unfolding the futon and hopping on. He turned the TV on, low volume as always. He never really watched it, he just liked the noise. His arm dug up under his pillow, and he turned to the side. No way he was sleeping on his back, he hated the feeling more than anything. It reminded him too much of Voke.

He smiled. Voke didn’t matter now, really. He was just excited for tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day…

-

“Ol’ Paz has been kinda quiet today. What’s the matter, chief?”

The bartender here was always nice. An awkward fella, with an eccentric style- facial piercings, bright pink hair, and a squeaky little voice. But nice nonetheless.

Paz swirled the nearly-empty glass in his hand. The ice cubes clinked together. The bar was empty, save for himself and the bartender.

“Just, uh…”

Paz was always honest. Well, most of the time, anyway.

“Missing someone.”

“Aw, Paz, there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” the bartender replied. Paz lifted a brow.

“Er, wrong dialogue option.”

“Oop, sorry. I hear about a lotta breakups.” He laughed. “What’s got you down, then?”

“Just missin’ a friend. She’s been gone for a while.”

“Gone?”

“Missing. No family or friends either, really, ‘cept for me.”

“Ah, God. I’m sorry, Paz. That’s shitty.”

Paz nodded. There wasn’t really much else either of them could say. It was shitty.

His chest felt heavy. He lifted his arm towards his heart, but it was heavy, too. Everything was heavy. Why was it hard to breathe?

His eyes opened.

Oh. He was dreaming. But why was he…

He turned his head sluggishly, still falling into the waking world. The windows were a dull gray-blue, the early morning light just barely making its way into the room.

Unknown was wrapped around him, her weight pressing into his chest. She was fast asleep. He had no idea when she’d gotten there- not that he would, he was busy being asleep, too.

He lifted his arm, pulling her closer.

“Here- lift your head, darlin’. Let’s get you comfortable.”

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (09) preview

series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 931

a/n: another preview bc i genuinely have no idea when im gonna b able to finish this

summer isn’t anything like your school experience so far, which is a good thing.

instead of sticking to your dorm room or the cafe nearby all day, you at least went out; to lotte world when both of your friends wanted some thrills and proceeded to drag you through a near hell experience where you almost fainted from a ride and stayed beside mingi to nurture him after because he’s still the same ‘ole scaredy cat you know him to be, who gets easily nauseous.

they also took you to your first ever bar and ordered you a cocktail drink named after something you cannot remember, but it was all super extra and too sophisticated for your taste.

you might’ve gotten a tad drunk; the experience not at all like you imagined, and attacked mingi with a few kisses, though you have suspicions it wasn’t all your doing considering mingi had been eyeing someone across the bar all night who was giving him the same coy look back.

but if you’re to ask him, he’d probably just tell you it was nothing serious; just a one night thing. and maybe not exactly sexual but a couple flirty exchanges, that’s it. you know how he is.

but the first few weeks of you guys running around like bachelors not tied to anything but just having fun comes to an end when minji called, finally able to free up some time to pay a visit to her boyfriend and friends she hasn’t seen in a while.

yunho was the most happy and excited you’ve seen him ever since stepping on seoul’s soils, when minji arrived at the dormitory and ran into his arms so fast, it made you sick to the stomach how sweet the scene was.

she had planned an entire list of her own of things to do together and was elevated to reveal the first activity on that list much to your dismay, because you guys had already done something similar a couple weeks before.

“come on, guys! it’s gonna be fun!” she cheers, arms wrapped around one of yunho’s and jumping on the way to the lobby as both you and mingi trail from behind just a good amount of distance because the matching shirts the two has on makes you guys not want to associate yourselves.

“i could think of a million other things to do than go to another amusement park,” mingi comments; his snarky tone causing minji to stop as she pulls yunho along, her head turning and shooting lasers toward said boy.

“you didn’t even have to come!” she rolls her eyes.

“well, i wouldn’t want y/n over here to be third wheeling the whole time.”

it’s your turn to roll your eyes, not at all fazed by the banter because you know it won’t be the last one of the day, just wishing it will pass soon enough so you guys can make it there before the sun sets.

“pfft,” minji brushes off, tugging you by the hand and making you stumble a few steps forward until you’re pulled right next to her, shoulders touching.

“we are very inclusive!” she adds, and you shoot a rather simple smile in return, knowing the minute yunho does something cute or vice versa, you will be long forgotten.

“yeah, sure, whatever,” mingi dismisses, reaching out for your wrist as you’re thrown back next to him like a tossed ball. “but she’s gonna need me if you’re going to be dragging her through those scary rides.”

minji scoffs. “i think you’re the one that needs her.”

for a moment, it looks like mingi’s about to say something back, until his eyes fleet to something else in front of him; his towering height allowing him to see over the two.

“hey, yeosang!” yunho’s the one to start, his attention on the boy long before any of you caught notice.

it’s the way you snap your head so fast, only able to see half of his body as yunho’s figure covers the other, but you don’t miss the way his gaze skips over to meet yours, conjuring up a knot in your throat as you swallow it down.

you haven’t seen him since that night, whether your schedules just differs now, or that you pretty much went out of your way to avoid him, it feels weirdly nostalgic and wrong seeing him again.

“hey!” he waves a bit awkwardly, but genuine in the sense he looks happy by the coincidence.

he has a bag over one shoulder and his hair is a little disheveled; skin also glistening that tells you he just came back from a pretty tough day at work.

“you came at the perfect timing.”

“looks like it.” he chuckles, and oh… you hate how deep and melodic it sounds. “you guys can go ahead. i’m just gonna put my things back and i’ll catch up soon.”

one of your eyebrows raise immediately at that.

“oh, it’s fine. we can wait.”

yeosang hesitates but eventually give in. “alright then, i’ll be quick.”

you wait until he’s out of sight to say something, eager to confirm the suspicion.

“you invited yeosang?” you don’t sound hostile or aggravated, just in complete awe.

“yes, just thought you’d enjoy some company. mingi’s probably going to run off on you sooner or later.”

mingi’s face twist, offended at the accusation. you on the other hand, is completely cornered in this situation with no other way out, knowing you’re going to have to be in kang yeosang’s presence for the rest of the day.

unbelievable.

[bonesandthebees]

Okay longer review for glass ch18 time :DD man what an amazing chapter. Got duped waking up thinking im gonna get crimeboys, and then i got both crimeboys AND sandduo

Im gonna skim reread it as i review

hES USING WILBUR?!?#$ HELP BROO ITS SO SMOOTH AT THIS POINT

There was like one chapter where i caught it and i felt so proud of myself, but after that i just get so invested that i dont even notice until someone points it out lmaooo

I think I did notice when it switched to Pythia, at least subconsciously bc I paused at it and scrolled up a bit to see if it'd always been Pythia but ig I didnt scroll up enough lmaoooo

Ohkygod he switches to Pythia the minute Phil enters the room ohkgyfo u cant be playing around with the narrative like this bee, u are way too smart wtf... I'm still in awe with how flawlessly you play around with the change of name. It's always intentional, and yet it feels so natural when you read it. It doesn't feel like a conscious decision from Wilbur at all, ughh it's so good!!!!

Goddddd I love codependent crimeboys so much bro ohmgydo and u always write it Perfectly ty amen

I think ive said this before but ur just so good at characterization man like helloooo

Each fic!crimeboys are so unique to each other, but you could remove their names and I'd still know they were crimeboys. They still feel like them and ahhh i love them so much

Also bro i totally called Phil waiting for them 😭 it made me so tense LMAOOO

Wilbur fr was like "We're quiet we r chilling!!" Like no sir. No u are not

Its the fact that Phil knew the answer to all his questions, he knew Tommy left him alone aaaaaaaaaaa

I cant do this man theyre all so wheofidbekdhdlkflfek

The fact that neither of them told Phil about the sketchy guy who saw Wilbur is making me so scared tho like noooo guyssss ur already in trouble, just be safe about it and tell the truth noooooo 😭😭😭

Phil is such a dad in this scene ohmygod

Also im laughing, their punishment is they cant talk to each other 😭😭

“Then just close your eyes,” Phil said, almost in the exact same way Tommy had.

Like father, like son [bawls]

Although the Pythia was desperate to know why Phil had paused for so long after seeing his face, he simply nodded, and tried not to flinch when Phil’s free hand grabbed his chin to hold his head still.

Not my dumbass's first thought being "HES HIS SECRET LONG LOST SON" LMFAO FHFJFK

Then i was like "okay no its definitely bc of his age"

Brooo i just want the moment where they see each other without him closing his eyes rahhhhhhhhhssss

Also

I realize i said i was gonna skim reread this chap, but nope im just rereading it properly lmfao 😭😭😭 slow and steady pfff

Its so goood

Now I'll have 2 chapters from glass on speeddial for sure

God every moment of sandduo in this fic is just a parallel of their relationships with their gods im soooo 😭😭😭

When i first started this fic i was so certain that the majority of all Clara's things were just misinterpretations from her followers that got passed down century to century but now atp idek. Im skipping ahead and I'll probs talk more about it at the end of the chapter but like Kristin literally touched Wilbur- Clara's never gotten that close to him. Though maybe it's bc she's not as strongly connected? On both ends... Im rambling here as I theorize so I might not phrase this correctly but, like. My first thought was Phil said blood helped her connect better to the living world, so maybe that's why she can be physically here and not Clara, but I also thought about how maybe it does affect the relationship whether it's mutual or not, right? Cause Phil chose to be with her, there's trust on both ends. Wilbur got thrown into it, and maybe that affects the magic of the connection or smth. Or Clara's a bitch lmaoooo. I always appreciate seeing the god of life being the antagonist. I feel like it's not gonna be black and white though, things are not often with you hahahaha.

God that was a large paragraph whoops. I am certain though, that at least a large portion of the traditions they have (cough not being able to see the face cough) (just being treated as not a person lol), are things both misinterpreted or just plain ol made up to be able to better control the Pythia. Because, who wouldn't want to be able to fully control someone who can see the future? Idk how they'll ever find that out for sure but damn yeah, it's sad. Look at what you've done Bee, you've traumatized a perfectly good boy

Lmaoooo

Is there a limit to how long these things can get?? Spruce how do u separate them into diff parts, do u go by vibes or is there a limit LMFAOOO

Anyways

God. The way Phil knows what Wilburs thinking 😭😭😭 im gonna cryyyy theyre sooo ahdjfkfld

The way you describe all the tiny details, god, your writing feels so real. It feels like it breathes. I feel so immersed in it. I can not only see everything happening around me, I can feel it, as if I were there. I dunno, I just really appreciate all the tiny details you mention, and how you take care to remind us that his eyes are closed by describing the sounds around him, and how you mention him feeling odd when he winces bc of his face being numbed, like ik theyre not a big deal, but those details mean so much to me. They make everything feel so much more alive.

And the way you describe people's thoughts, they're so realistic rahhhhhhss. Your characters always feel truly human

I love your writing so much aaahhh

The cheer i let out when i saw the mate at their 2nd meeting when i read this chap for the first time LMFAOOO

It was at that moment vey knew they were getting a truck load of sandduo--

I had also already forgotten that Phil had told Wilbur he was gonna show him smth lmfaooo

I am starting to get tired fr (it's been almost an hour Oops) so i think i will pull a spruce and split this into two parts and continue after some breakfast or smth LMAOO (pst gang ftw 👆)

Dudududus away into the sunset

I was definitely debating whether or not to start the chapter with him using wilbur, but it just felt right so I went with it and I'm very happy with the tone it gave because it provided such a good tone shift when phil showed up and wilbur switched back to using 'the pythia'. it's such a fun narrative tool to use, though it's definitely a bit exhausting to remember every time i refer to wilbur in narration i'm making a choice with how i refer to him. fun, but a lot to keep in my head

ty I'm so glad my crimeboys feel that distinctive <3

lmao phil was so pissed when they got back. he figured a lot out on his own but wanted to hear it from tommy himself. they really should've told phil about the guy wilbur bumped into tho rip :/

yeah no phil is not wilbur's long lost father or anything. I only think those kinds of twists work in very specific stories, otherwise it just feels like a cheap way to be like "look now these two have a biological reason to care about each other!" and really gives off the vibes of found family being less important than blood family

the thing is regarding wilbur's relationship to clara is that when contrasted with phil's relationship to kristin, i want it to be obvious that it's a two-way relationship. you have to put in what you wanna get out.

LMAO spruce pls share with the class how you split up your asks

ldksjfkl aaa that's so sweet. I love including tiny details like those because I try to make my stories as easy to visualize as possible. I know that when I read something, I want to be able to see the scene perfectly in my head, so I try to emphasize the facial expressions and body language and the setting they're in and all that to really immerse the reader in it

tysm i'm so glad you enjoyed!