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yoongiseesawmp3 · 1 year

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secret - jeonghan & seungcheol (m)

summary: new boyfriend!jeonghan & ex!seungcheol. your relationship with jeonghan is still new, and your breakup with cheol is still fresh. the three of you used to be close, but time, new jobs, and moving to different countries pulled you apart. now jeonghan is back home, filthy rich and very single. so are you. after some fun at a party, you start dating jeonghan seriously. will cheol’s return send you back into his arms, or will you stand by your man? or, perhaps, a mysterious third thing will happen instead :)

word count: 27k (don’t look at me)

warnings: afab reader. eventual threesome. lots of sex. lots of cum, creampie, cum mixing, cum eating? oral (m and f receiving). bondage. use of the color system. use of a vibrator in public. fingering. car sex kinda. some ass slapping? use of the word slut.

masterlist

waking up at jeonghan’s was still a new experience for you. it’d been a few weeks since he asked you to move in with him, but it amazed you that you could open your eyes to an angel laying right next to you. today is no different. you rolled over after the first signs of morning woke you up, and you see jeonghan asleep with his hair slightly in his face, lips pouted in a silent snore. you brush the strands away from his eyes, and he lets out a noise between a hum and a groan.

“i’m sleeping,” he tells you.

“you’re doing a great job.”

“go back to sleep.”

“can’t, i’m bored now.”

“you’re insatiable,” he scolds, eyes snapping open because he knows what ‘bored’ really means. you spend the rest of the morning tangled in his sheets. er, your sheets. you live here now. jeonghan’s your boyfriend. isn’t that wild?

your relationship with jeonghan started because you were both bored. casual friends since college, you’ve known each other for years and never really knew each other. you weren’t confident you knew his last name until you heard it at graduation. after you graduated, you didn’t hear from him much, but that was more your fault than anything else. you broke his best friend’s heart. you were public enemy number one, until you weren’t anymore.

you and seungcheol dated all through college. you fell in love fast, something so sickly sweet it made people around you gag, and a little jealous. let’s be clear though: jeonghan wasn’t one of those people. when you were with cheol, you were 100% his, and jeonghan respected that more than anything else. he was a good friend to cheol, and by proxy a good friend to you. nothing more. until he wasn’t anymore.

your break up with cheol was messy. graduation took you both in different directions, and egos made it impossible for you to find a compromise. deep down, neither of you wanted to break up, you knew it was just the circumstances tearing you apart. but you chose your career and so did he, a stab to the chest that was self inflicted on both sides. when cheol chose his career, he also inadvertently chose jeonghan. they got jobs at the same great company abroad, and their twenty something brains couldn’t comprehend just how much fun they could get into as two handsome men with a lot of money.

you’re doing well for yourself too, thanks for asking. not as filthy rich as the boys, but you were living comfortably. you kept in touch with a good chunk of your college friends, catching the way they tried not to gossip too much about seungcheol’s shenanigans overseas when you were in earshot. that’s how you heard jeonghan was in town a few months ago. he was going to a party that night, and just as the idea pops into your head your friend turns to you and asks if you want to go.

the party, it turns out, was boring. the people there were also boring. what was exhilarating as hell was catching jeonghan’s gaze on you when you both knew it shouldn’t be. he’d play coy, turning away for at least a second before finding you again. finally tired of the conversation you can’t seem to escape, you keep staring back at jeonghan until he decides to come over and say hi.

“y/n,” he smiles that cheshire cat grin at you, pulling you in for a polite hug. “it’s been so long.”

“i know,” you agree, a similar smile plastered on your own face. “i see you haven’t cut your hair since you left?”

“what, you don’t like it?” he laughs, shaking his long locks out so that his bangs fall slightly into his eyes. he looks good, you find yourself thinking. he took the black tie memo on the invitation seriously, wearing a suit so stunningly fit to his body you know it must be custom.

“no, i like it,” you nod. “it’s a little douchey for a business man, but you make it work.”

“i thought being a douche was part of the job though?” he asks, and it’s your turn to laugh. jeonghan takes a sip of his drink, surveying the room before he turns back to you, “nice party.”

“sure,” you nod. “a little boring though.”

“stuffy too,” he tries, eyeing you carefully. “you wanna join me on the balcony?”

you knew going out there with jeonghan was a bad idea. you knew you shouldn’t be talking to him. you knew a lot of things were wrong with this scene, but too much of you wanted to see where it would go. turns out, it would go downhill pretty quickly.

you joined jeonghan outside, letting the cool air brush off your nerves. you look at jeonghan and find him staring at you again, so you ask, “is my makeup smudged or something? you keep looking at me.”

“i can’t admire beautiful things?”

“nice,” you chuckle, looking down at your shoes next to his. “did you want to say anything special? or are we really just out here to breathe some air that doesn’t smell like chanel no.5?”

“it’s been a long time,” jeonghan says again, and you nod. “are you seeing anybody right now, y/n?”

“hah, no,” you shake your head. “kind of on a break from men, if i’m honest. i started attracting too many weirdos not worth my time.”

“shame,” jeonghan tsks. “must have been hard for you.”

“yeah,” you agree, finding his eyes again, “boring too.”

“are you bored right now?” jeonghan asks. “because i’m pretty good at killing time.”

“are you?” you challenge, and jeonghan hums. you feel a smile breaking across your face, your stomach doing flips as you say, “prove it then.”

that was about six months ago. if the owner of that venue’s asking, no you didn’t fuck jeonghan out on the balcony that night. anyone else asks and the answer would be yes, but you’d say it with a touch more dignity. you don’t know what attracted you to him so much that you had to have him right there. maybe you had been on your strike for too long, and you were just horny. or maybe it was the idea of something familiar. something safe. close to home. close to-

you’re ripped out of your thoughts by the sound of jeonghan calling your name. he had started a shower for himself before work, and now he’s all but begging you to come join him. why else would he have two shower heads, if not for you to spend some quiet time with your boyfriend who wants to dote on you before you start your day. or maybe he has them so it was less obvious to the builder that he wanted a shower he could have copious amounts of sex in. really, his obsession with shower sex probably needed to be analyzed by somebody, but he swears he likes it for ease (already naked) and just one personal reason (soapy boobs).

the past six months have been...interesting to say the least. you really care for jeonghan, you do. you always have. but getting to know him in this new sense was different. every day was a surprise with him. part of that was due to his job, a not-so-9-to-5 that he ditched his crazy life in europe for so he could be closer to family. he left a life of beautiful food, beautiful places, and seungcheol behind for a better opportunity. maybe that’s what bonded you so quickly. despite not really wanting to, you’d both abandoned seungcheol without meaning to.

you don’t talk about him much, only getting an update from jeonghan every so often when cheol deigns to text him back. they still work for the same parent company, so sometimes their paths cross in meetings or cheol has to call to confirm numbers with jeonghan’s new domestic team. other than that, there’s nothing to say. you’ve moved on (mostly) so you assume he has too. and now that you have jeonghan, you don’t have to worry about your feelings for cheol anymore.

jeonghan asked you to move in with him mostly because he was bored. he had just renovated this huge penthouse, and after throwing a couple rager parties there he realized it was too lonely when everyone left and it was just him there, alone. you’d been trying to make a career change, so he convinced you by promising you could stay rent free and save up for when you get a new job and most likely take a pay cut. plus, he doesn’t worry about rent here either. he paid for it upfront, in cash.

once you saw the penthouse, you knew you had to say yes. it was a dream, but what sold you was the view. standing at the floor to ceiling window, jeonghan’s hands around your waist, was the first time you’d felt something stir so deep in your heart for years. you haven’t said i love you yet to jeonghan, but then again neither has he. you know you care for each other through your actions. there’s love there, even if it’s unspoken right now. that’s part of what makes dating jeonghan so thrilling. you never know what he’s going to do next, a scheming smile on his lips and an exciting adventure planned for you no matter how big or how small.

jeonghan is pretty adventurous, to say the least. he likes taking you to new restaurants where you’re not really sure what you’re eating. he loves whisking you away for weekend trips to places neither of you have ever been. his favorite though is bending you to his will, pushing you farther than you’ve been pushed before, just to see what it would take to make you crack.

the sex with jeonghan is phenomenal. another aspect of your relationship where you never know what to expect. he likes to keep you guessing and gasping his name out in cracked moans. you started talking about things to do for his birthday, and when you asked what he wanted his only response was “you.” to some people that would be romantic, but you know it’s a challenge. it sent a shiver down your spine, much like his gaze whenever you catch his eyes at an event or get a random text throughout the day. you know when he’s bored it really means something else, so it’s become a code word of sorts. at tiring work parties or other obligations he wants out of, all he needs to do is look at you and yawn and you know to meet him in the closest secluded corner for a quick fuck. if he texts you that he’s bringing you lunch at work, you go ahead and tell your coworkers you’re taking the full hour, because you’ll need time to catch your breath and redress once he’s done with you.

today is one of those days, despite jeonghan’s best efforts earlier. you had a shitty morning after jeonghan left for work, almost forgetting your lunch, missing your train, all to come in and find out your biggest project to date is completely changing course. you were so frustrated you could cry, and when you texted jeonghan that you made it to work safely he knew something was off. he didn’t press though, knowing you well enough that asking what’s wrong instead of waiting for you to tell him will just start the waterworks early. instead he keeps his phone unlocked on his desk, completely ignoring whatever his assistant seungkwan is rambling about.

“we need you to sign off on this, jeonghan,” seungkwan insists, pointing again to the document on jeonghan’s desk that he’s ignoring to watch your three dots appear and disappear again. he half asses his signature without reading the document, and seungkwan snatches it away from him. jeonghan will talk to him about that later. for now, he picks up his phone to read about your awful day and let’s out a quiet “aw baby” for you. as soon as seungkwan leaves there’s another knock at the door. jeonghan knows he’s getting into meeting after meeting now so he types out something sweet and encouraging before he puts his phone in his desk, standing to welcome whoever is on the other side of the door.

jeonghan’s message boosted your mood, slightly. he knew how to sweet talk you, promising a bath, wine, and your favorite movie tonight when you get home. it was enough hope to get you through the day. that and imagining a cartoon anvil falling on this man in your meeting who keeps mansplaining the platform that you built. you’ve almost had it when you notice the clock, and you tell the team everyone should break for lunch. you all but run back to your desk before anyone can stop you, and when you’ve barely sat down you get a text.

“coming for lunch,” jeonghan simply says, and your heart skips a beat. you contemplate eating quickly before he gets here, but he says he’s so close by that you don’t even have a chance. you dig for your food in the break room fridge, knowing you won’t get a chance to eat if jeonghan’s coming. at this point it’s mostly for show, because you can’t make it obvious that you’re leaving just to stress fuck your boyfriend. you tell your manager you’ll be taking the whole hour anyway, and then scurry outside just as jeonghan’s expensive car pulls up to your building. he slows the car to a stop in front of you, the window already down so he can call out, “hey sexy, you seen my girlfriend around here?”

“sorry mister, my mom told me not to talk to strangers,” you joke back, and your bad mood lifts when jeonghan laughs.

“get in baby,” he says, watching you intensely as you slide into the front seat. he frowns at the food in your lap, picking up the grocery bag you shoved your lunch into before you left. “what is this?”

“a picnic?”

“there are dinosaur nuggets in here,” he grumbles when he takes a peek. he looks up to you and asks, “you were gonna eat this for lunch?”

“yeah,” you shrug. “i didn’t have time for breakfast because someone took too long in the shower, so i had to pack something.”

“i didn’t even know we had these in the house,” jeonghan continues, looking at the chicken nuggets like he’s never seen something so foul. he carefully ties the bag and then tosses it into his backseat, much to your dismay. he looks at you with a cheeky smile, his hand squeezing your chin as he starts to maneuver the car out of the parking lot. “look back there baby, i picked up real food for you.”

“i don’t wanna eat yet,” you say shyly, but jeonghan doesn’t hear so you have to repeat yourself. “i don’t wanna eat yet. don’t need all that sloshing around when you fuck me in a minute.”

“oh i’m gonna fuck you huh? and what if i just wanted to share a meal with my beautiful girlfriend?” he asks in fake shock. you lean across the armrest to kiss his cheek as you reply, “then i’d ask who you are and what have you done with yoon jeonghan.”

‘good girl,” he chuckles, expertly pulling the car into a parking spot in the empty spots at the back of the parking lot down the street from your office. for your sanity and jeonghan’s reputation, you pray there aren’t security cameras over here.

“so how was your morning?” you play coy as you watch jeonghan turn the car off. something passes over his face as he responds, but it’s there so shortly you don’t know how to read it.

“fine,” he clears his throat. “lots of meetings. almost got in a bitch fight with seungkwan because he didn’t want me to leave, said i’d be late to my next meeting.”

“he knows you well.”

“yeah, whatever,” jeonghan says as he twists in his seat to look at you directly. his hand is back on your chin, lifting it up so he can trace your lips with his thumb as he asks, “what was so bad about your morning?”

as you explain your trials, jeonghan slowly moves his hand from your chin down to your neck, across your collarbone, and down to the hem of your shirt. he carefully untucks it from your slacks, listening intently as you speak while unbuttoning your blouse slowly. when you get to the part about the jerk who assumed you didn’t know anything, jeonghan’s hand was working it’s way past your panties, his fingers dipping down to your entrance. he interrupts you only to ask, “damn baby, you this wet for me?”

“i’ve been wet since you texted me,” you say like its obvious, and jeonghan smiles proudly as he tells you to go on. you start recounting your meeting from hell, voice shaky now as his fingers circle your entrance and collect your slick so he can move them up to your clit, rubbing gently without applying too much pressure. when you’re finally done speaking, jeonghan captures your lips in a kiss, pulling back only slightly so he can tell you, “i’m sorry baby. you know you could always come work with me, and then no one would treat you like anything less than a queen.” you sigh instead of responding because jeonghan’s slipped two fingers into you, your arousal providing enough glide that he didn’t have to work you open with just one. he hisses when he feels how warm you are, and jeonghan is reminded for the millionth time why he’d follow you to the ends of the earth and back. your eyes. your smile. the way you cuddle into his neck when you don’t want to get out of bed. and the glorious feeling of being inside you, whether it’s his fingers, his tongue, or his cock. he can’t get enough of you, and he knows you feel the same way because you’re already bucking your hips, begging him for more. he pretends not to hear you, just fucking his fingers into you slowly as he listens for the lewd squelch of your pussy around him.

“how’s it feel baby?” he asks quietly, and you whisper back that it feels good. “just good?”

“need more, hannie,” you whine, and he tuts.

“not yet,” he says as he checks the clock on the dashboard. “we’ve got time. you want another finger instead?”

“please,” you breathe out, and you watch him capture his tongue between his lips as he focuses on fucking you slowly. to fill the silence you ask quietly, “what did you bring for lunch?”

“i’m literally knuckles deep and you’d rather talk about the sandwich i bought you?” jeonghan laughs in disbelief. “i can’t believe you woman.”

“i told you, i didn’t eat this morning. i’m hungry.”

“need something in your mouth?” he asks, and as it so often is with jeonghan, you know this is a challenge. you think about what the right answer might be, and when you nod he lets a smile creep over his features as he says, “use your pretty little hands to get my cock out, then.”

you do as he says, gasping when you lean over to reach his crotch and feel jeonghan’s fingers slip deeper. with shaky hands you undo his belt, looking up to make sure jeonghan’s watching. his dark eyes glint at you from above, and you blow him a kiss before unbuttoning his pants to find he’s not wearing any underwear. you look back up and see his shit eating grin, shrugging as he says, “what? i was running late.”

“you’re a menace,” you hiss, his fingers scissoring inside you. he does this a few more times as you take his cock in your hand, and when you lick the tip he stills completely.

“don’t tease or i’ll stop right here,” he warns, so you get back to work, welcoming his cock past your lips and hollowing your cheeks so you can bob on his cock quickly. you’ve done this enough to know jeonghan wants something quick, messy, something that will make you embarrassed to face your coworkers after. you’re constantly shocked by his willpower though, moaning around him as his thumb finds your clit and starts drawing lazy circles. the vibrations of your moans shoot straight through jeonghan, but he shows no sign of mercy or that this is even affecting him at all.

you groan and bob your head faster, using the saliva pooling past your lips as lube to stroke the rest of his cock. you pull off of him to catch your breath, jeonghan whispering encouragement above you as his hand stills at your core. he only starts moving again when you lean down to kitten lick his balls, legs twitching ever so slightly at the contact. you’re happy to have some kind of reaction from him, your ego boosted enough that you take a few more playful licks before holding him by the base and tapping his cock over your lips and waiting tongue. he watches you amused, waiting for you to give in, and when he shoves yet another finger inside your pussy you moan so loud your eyes roll back slightly, and jeonghan admires the way a little bit of drool drips past your lips onto his seat. he swipes it up with his free hand and pops the finger in his mouth, winking at you as you watch.

you take him back into your mouth, ready to come and wanting to show him how good you can be, so you swallow around him until his cock is hitting the back of your throat and your nose is nestled against his lap, the smell of his expensive detergent drowning your senses. you’re brought back to visions of him fucking you senseless in his king bed, the sweet smell of fresh linen mingling with the scent of sex as jeonghan pulls orgasm after orgasm out of you. you shudder just at the memory, and he chuckles as he asks what you’re thinking about. you start to pull off of him to reply, but his hand stops you, chuckling as he says, “good girls don’t talk with their mouth full.”

you let him hold you down on his cock, giving up on sucking him off as you feel yourself get closer to release. jeonghan knows, so he holds you in place while he works you up to your orgasm, almost shrieking around his cock. you look up at him just as his eyes flutter, his hips sputtering as he starts to come. he keeps working you to your own high, and feeling jeonghan twitch as he comes down your throat sends you over the edge. his seat is almost ruined he thinks, seeing the way your release drips down his wrist. he groans as he watches you shake below him, always thinking you’re a work of art like this. he can’t help but admire it, and when he’s sure you’re done he moves his hand from the back of your head, reaching for your chin to carefully pull you off of him. you stick your tongue out for him to see that you swallowed it all, and he coos as he finally pulls his fingers from your core. he could be nice, he thinks, and just let you lick them clean, but instead he runs them across your face and watches as you lick at the arousal left behind. he swears he sees more drip out of you, and he has to look away or else you’ll never leave this car.

“you ok baby?” he asks as you try to clean yourself up and avoid the puddle you left in your seat.

“i’m great,” you say hoarsely, looking in the glovebox for napkins just to find a vibrator and handcuffs instead. you hold them up and jeonghan just smirks, saying, “i didn’t know what kinda mood you were in. i’m like a boy scout, gotta be prepared.”

“you don’t happen to have any of my makeup in this magic glovebox of yours do you?” you ask as you look at yourself in the rearview mirror, heart still racing from your high but somehow picking up speed when you see how fucked out you are and jeonghan barely did anything. he could drive you crazy, you think. when he softly pushes your arm off the center console to reveal everything you could possibly ever need (gum, jeonghan’s favorite lipstick on you, wipes, hand sanitizer, a pair of panties? and your favorite concealer and mascara) you think you could cry. this is what you mean when you say jeonghan loves you through his actions. he further drives that home as he reaches back for your lunch, mumbling to himself, “can’t believe she was gonna eat dino nuggets.”

when you come home that day, you’re giddy like a schoolgirl. because everything with jeonghan is still so new, sometimes it just hits you that you have a boyfriend. a boyfriend that you live with, and that always makes sure he’s home before you are so he can wrap you in a hug and kiss your forehead as soon as you get through the door. you’ve pavlov’d yourself into expecting this every time you get back from work, but today when you open the door and call out his name you’re met with silence. your eyes sweep across the living room and notice his briefcase tossed onto the couch, so you know he’s here somewhere. you head to the kitchen, stomach growling, and try to find a snack before you go searching for jeonghan.

as you’re cutting up a mango, you hear soft steps padding down the stairs and jeonghan’s hushed voice on the phone. you strain to hear what he’s saying, wondering if this is a work call or something else. maybe he’s booking a reservation he doesn’t want you to hear about, but too bad. you leave the kitchen with the plate of mango in your hands, quietly joining him on the couch as he gives you a strained smile. you smile back, kissing the corner of his mouth before holding up a piece of mango for him, humming contently when he takes it despite saying something to whoever’s on the other side of the phone. you’ve ascertained that he’s setting up a meeting, and while you usually don’t pay too much attention to the specifics of his job you can tell he’s being vague. you watch him a little longer, absentmindedly licking the mango juice off your fingers before whispering that you’re going to your room, and jeonghan nods at you before smacking your ass as you walk away. he chuckles quietly when you let out a squeal, but his heart drops to his ass when he registers what’s being said on the other line.

“what was that?” seungcheol asks, and jeonghan’s hand heats up where he just touched you. “you need me to let you go?”

“no, no, i was just getting my mail and bumped into my neighbor,” jeonghan lies easily, hoping cheol is gullible enough to buy it.

“big important guy like you i figure you’d have someone to do that for you,” cheol laughs, and jeonghan gives him a pity chuckle before bringing the conversation back to the matter at hand.

“so when’s your flight?”

“end of this week,” seungcheol sighs. “i’m not ready to leave yet, man. i’m gonna miss how beautiful everything is here.”

“life on this side of the world isn’t too bad,” jeonghan tells him.

“yeah sure, with all the mail you’ve been getting i bet it’s nice,” cheol teases, and jeonghan should’ve known his friend would see through him quickly.

“whatever,” jeonghan laughs. “just let me know when you’re in town and we’ll get dinner before the meeting.”

“you’re a classy man, yoon jeonghan,” cheol says, and jeonghan’s throat constricts ever so slightly. if only his friend knew who was in his bed right now, maybe cheol wouldn’t be so kind.

jeonghan tiredly trudges upstairs, ears perking up at the sound of music coming from the bedroom. he cracks the door to see you leaning against the copious amount of pillows, scrolling through your phone as you snack on the mango at your side. you look up at the sound of the door, smiling softly at jeonghan. you’re about to beckon him over, but he takes a deep breath and says, “i’ve got to tell you something.”

“oh,” you breathe out, a little worried about what it could be. you pat the spot next to you regardless, and jeonghan perches on the bed cautiously, almost like he doesn’t want to be close to you when he says what he has to say. you’re nervous for a moment, but the way he’s looking at you isn’t what you expected. he’s not about to tell you he did something wrong, he’s about to tell you something he’s afraid of.

“seungcheol is coming back,” he starts, and before you can even react he says, “he can’t know about us.”

“he-what?” you ask, and jeonghan reaches for your hands as he settles on the bed, trying to bring you closer as he explains, “he’s coming back to work at my company. i didn’t hire him, i swear. we apparently acquired whatever business he was running, so now he’ll be managing it under me. he called to tell me the good news. he’s coming back this friday. and he can’t know that we’re together.”

“why not?”

“because it’s...weird,” jeonghan says nervously.

“what about us is weird, jeonghan?” you ask, and he can tell he messed up.

“no, baby, that’s not what i mean,” he tries to backtrack. “i just. for a little while. it might be best for you to...not come around so often?”

“what, so i just stop coming to your work parties?” you ask, and jeonghan closes his eyes as your frustrations rise. “can’t come visit you on my days off? and when you invite people out after work for drinks, i assume he’ll come with you. so i’m just supposed to sit at home all the time now?”

“honey, i’m sorry,” he says softly, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell there’s a little bit of hurt there. “i just don’t know how we could explain this to him, and it’ll be hard enough getting him integrated into the company. i don’t want this to fail before it even starts, so, for now, he can’t know. but you’re still my number one, baby. i don’t know how you could ever think otherwise,” he says softly, brushing your hair behind your ears. you’re quiet as you think of how to respond, and you let jeonghan use his hand on your neck to guide you in for a tender kiss. against your lips he says, “i’m sorry.”

“don’t be sorry,” you sigh, leaning back in to kiss him again. “i’m proud of you for acquiring his company, that’s big,” jeonghan nods, “and i agree, it’d be too weird to explain. honestly i don’t know that i want to see him at all. but this means i’ll see less of you,” you pout, and with jeonghan’s hand still on your neck you feel his grip tighten.

“impossible,” he whispers, pecking your lips quickly before swiping his tongue over your bottom lip. “mm, you taste like mango.”

“yeah?”

“lemme taste something else,” he says with a smirk, and soon you’ve forgotten what he came in here to tell you in the first place.

a different version of you would’ve been upset that you could forget cheol so easily. for a long time, you thought he was the great love of your life. but if both of you would pick something else over each other so quickly, maybe your love wasn’t that great after all. you had settled into your life without seungcheol, so it makes sense that you forgot about his return so quickly.

for seungcheol though? he’s wondering if he should call you. at least let you know he’s gonna be back in town. he won’t say that he’s staying, he’ll open the conversation and see what you do with it. he just wants to see you, see how you’re doing. a selfish part of him wants you to see how well he’s doing too, and he thinks for a moment that he should get the gang back together and invite jeonghan. he decides against it only because he wants some time alone with you to apologize. if this goes well, then he can think about jeonghan coming along.

when cheol picks up his phone to call you, jeonghan is staring sappily into your eyes over dinner. you’ve had a rough week at work, so jeonghan insisted on comfort food at his favorite fancy place. he wanted to pamper you tonight, starting with giving you the shoes you’ve been salivating over for weeks now. he helped you get dressed and took his time kissing every inch of your skin that he could reach. now, over a plate of the most delicious pasta you’ve ever had, jeonghan is listening to you passionately talk about god knows what. he could listen to you talk like this for hours, but you stop mid-sentence and start looking for something.

“what’s wrong baby?” he asks, reluctantly letting your hand slip out of his so you can twist around in your chair.

“i’m looking for my phone, it’s ringing,” you mumble as you struggle to untangle your purse from the back of your chair.

“but baby,” he whines. “we’re on a date.”

“you know my mom usually calls me around this time,” you point out as you find your phone. “i at least need to check that it’s-”

“what?” jeonghan asks, noticing the confusion on your face. “not your mom?”

“no? it’s a weird number,” you say, showing him quickly. it looks familiar, and when jeonghan realizes why it’s too late. “hello?” you ask quietly, not wanting to be the annoying person on the phone in a public place, but curiosity got the best of you.

“y/n?” seungcheol asks, and your breath catches in your throat. “y/n? hello?”

“seungcheol, hi,” you respond, looking at jeonghan with your eyes wide. he sits back in his chair and groans, but the sound of the restaurant covers it up. “um, what’s up?”

“how are you?” cheol asks, and you give him a curt response. “listen, i can tell you’re out doing something, but i just wanted to let you know i’m coming back home. i mean, i’m leaving my job in europe and taking on a new role here. with jeonghan. kind of. it’s his company. whatever, i’m rambling, i just wanted to let you know-”

“hang up,” jeonghan mouths, and you shake your head, listening to cheol talk himself in circles a little more. jeonghan reaches across the table and tugs on your arm but you swat him away, whispering a fierce warning to stop.

“sorry, seungcheol, um, that sounds like a great opportunity,” you tell him once he’s finished up. “t-tell jeonghan i say hi. and good luck with everything, really.” you hate to rush him off the phone like this, but the way jeonghan is staring at you has your stomach doing flips. there’s no way cheol can be onto you so soon, but you tried your best to keep him off the scent. you just hope it works. “it was nice hearing from you, bye cheol!”

“yeah, sure,” he says suspiciously, looking at his phone to confirm that you did in fact hang up on him. your response was weird, awkward, which is understandable. but the weird part is that you completely ignored his invitation to meet for lunch. you sounded distracted, so maybe you didn’t hear him. maybe you didn’t want to see him at all. or maybe you were out with someone who wouldn’t like their girlfriend making plans with some random guy. whatever it is, cheol is onto you, but what keeps him content is that he knows your paths will cross again soon, planned or not.

jeonghan was quiet after you hung up, mostly playing with the food on his plate as you watched him. you tapped his foot with your own beneath the table, skirting it up toward his calf when he doesn’t respond. you feel a warm hand grab your ankle, and jeonghan’s eyes are staring at you sternly as he asks, “why did you answer it?”

“i was curious.”

“but i told you not to answer it. then i told you to hang up, and you didn’t listen.”

“it’s my phone?” you say incredulously. “i’ll answer it if i want to.”

“but it was seungcheol,” jeonghan says. “he could figure out what’s going on.”

“why are you so insistent on cheol not knowing about us?” you ask. “like, i get not wanting to hurt his feelings. but he’s not here right now, and you’re being kind of a dick.”

“baby, i’m sorry,” he sighs. “i’m just afraid of you getting hurt.”

“me?”

“you and cheol have a lot of history,” jeonghan says carefully. “i guess i was trying to protect you from being around him and, i don’t know, getting upset over what happened. that you’re not with him anymore.”

“how could i ever be upset when i have you taking care of me?” you ask softly, looking for jeonghan’s hand so you can squeeze it assuringly as you say, “baby, yes, cheol and i have history. but you’re my now and my future as long as you don’t break me during sex some day.”

“got it,” he finally laughs, taking a deep breath. “sorry for being weird about it.”

“it’s ok,” you tell him. “you being possessive like that was a little hot.”

“down girl,” he teases, squeezing your hand now. “we’ve got two more courses here before we can leave.”

“have i mentioned how much i love this food, by the way?” you ask, and that sends you both into an easy conversation about food and how you want to do a pasta making date night. jeonghan takes his phone out to make a reminder for himself to find the best class in the city, and he sees a message that makes his heart stop. it’s from seungcheol, short and sweet.

“we need to talk,” it says. jeonghan locks his phone then, putting on a smile to cover up the way he just started to sweat.

you and jeonghan enjoy a sweet weekend together, having two blessed days where you don’t go anywhere. saturday is spent mostly sleeping, only leaving your bed for necessities and to find another book when you finish your first one. as you’re scanning the bookshelves jeonghan put up in his room just for you, he admires the way his old dress shirt hangs off of you. he doesn’t know why you insist on sleeping in his old clothes, but it warms his heart nonetheless. he loves that you don’t wear much underneath, so it’s not hard for him to pull you in for a hug just for his hand to brush you in places that send goosebumps across your skin. he wants you to hurry up and pick a book so you’ll come back to bed, his hands itching to skirt across your waist and pull you into his chest.

he knows you’re both serious about each other. like you, he knows this is love without it being spoken. but he almost said it this morning, it almost slipped off his tongue as he woke up to the sound of clinking coffee mugs. he smiled sleepily at you as you placed his on his nightstand, grabbing your now free hand to kiss your palm and each of your fingertips. you claimed the warmth of the coffee in this heat is what caused your cheeks to flare up, but jeonghan knows better. he watched you proudly as you shuffled to your side of the bed, all of a sudden very happy that you’re here, his, and living in this space with him.

you take a delicate sip of your coffee before you crawl back under the covers, and jeonghan admires the way you relish the taste, eyes closing slightly and a content smile on your lips as you finally rejoin him in bed. you yelp as he pulls you closer, hooking an arm around you so that you’re laying against his chest with his lips at the crown of your head. he thinks about saying it then, those three words, but your polite “let go of me, you freak” shakes him out of his thoughts, chuckling as he loosens his grasp so you can grab your book and then lay back down in his arms. you hold the book so that he can read along with you if he wants, but he’s still tired, so instead he lets himself drift off as you speed through the pages.

when you finish your book, your first instinct is to get up and replace it on the shelf it came from. jeonghan always scolds you for keeping a messy nightstand, so you try to get in the habit of returning finished books as quickly as possible, but when you turn to look at the man in question you coo and decide that admiring your sleeping angel of a boyfriend is the better option. you reach out a hand to trace his eyebrows, down the soft slope of his nose, ending at his mouth. you press a kiss to your fingers and trace the outline of his lips, giggling when his top lip twitches at your touch. you love his lips, love the way they feel against your skin, the way they stretch across jeonghan’s perfect smile when he tells you something cheeky. you lose yourself for a moment as you play with them, maybe flicking your thumb over his plump bottom lip too hard because next thing you know there’s two strong arms holding you captive. jeonghan peeks an eye open at you, sheepish smile on your face as he asks, “what the hell are you doing?”

“playing with your lips,” you reply easily. “they’re my favorite toy.”

“oh these?” he asks, pouting his lips as he feigns going cross eyed to stare at them. he loves to make you laugh, the sound breaking him from his silly expression and into a fit of giggles similar to yours. you press your forehead to his as you calm down, your breaths mingling together as they steady out into the same inhales and exhales. “i really like waking up next to you,” jeonghan admits quietly. you look up to make sure he sees your eyes as you respond, “it’s kinda my favorite thing now, so i’m glad you like it. even when i have morning breath.”

“good thing you drink coffee like an addict,” jeonghan teases, tickling your nose with a strand of your hair. “because right now i’m just getting cafe bustelo and brown sugar.”

“mm,” you hum, “i want another coffee,” you say as you try to get up, but jeonghan’s vice grip stops you.

“kiss first,” he says sternly, and you feel your cheeks warm as you lean back down to press your lips into his. he deepens the kiss briefly, letting you pull away to say, “hm, you taste like brown sugar too.”

“and you taste like cinnamon,” you smile, loving that spending so much time with you has turned jeonghan onto your favorite coffee recipes. “now let me go and i’ll make you a new one.”

“fine,” he sighs dramatically. “but come back quick.”

“you’re clingy today,” you notice, and you look at him fully. “is everything ok?”

“yeah honey,” he smiles, but there’s a hesitation there. “i just..you know i’m yours right?”

“of course i do hannie,” you smile back, and he nods. “anything else?”

“if i’m yours, you know that means you’re mine,” he smirks, and you nod again. “no complaints?”

“hm, you could do laundry a little more often-” you start to joke, but a pillow comes flying for your head. with a laugh you reach out for jeonghan’s leg under the covers, giving it a reassuring squeeze as you ask, “are you sure everything’s good? this is weirding me out.”

“i’m good,” he shrugs. “wanted to be sure.”

you watch him closely, but you decide there’s nothing further to discuss. you reach for his coffee mug and he passes it to you, only jerking it back once or twice when you reach for it. once you start pouting he gives in, handing it over with ease. you’re gone and back within a few minutes, two new drinks in your hands, but jeonghan’s eyes are closed again so you place his drink down before kissing his forehead lightly. you put your drink down and finally return your book, looking for your next victim. when you lay back down you stick to your side of the bed, not wanting to bother jeonghan. you’re obviously unaware that he was watching you the entire time you searched for a new book, but once you’re settled with the amount of pillow to back ratio you hear him mumble something into the blankets. you lean closer and ask him to repeat, and you hear a soft, “will you read to me?”

he’s never asked you to do this before, and you’re not sure how romantic it will be to read a thriller novel to your boyfriend, but you do it anyway. something’s gotten into jeonghan, you’re not sure what, but something’s on his mind. you’ll let him come to you about it, but even as you read the book out loud you barely process the words. you’re just worried about the change in jeonghan over the past few days, and you think you know what, or who, the culprit is.

jeonghan had to welcome cheol into the office next week. he’s starting this week transitioning back to life at home, then he’s coming in closer to the weekend to finish up his paperwork. he starts next monday, and jeonghan has promised him dinner one night this week. he does this with any of his new employees, no matter their status. he takes them out for a meal, gets to know them, makes them feel welcome as part of the company, and everyone loves him for it. it’s why so many people fight to get the chance to work for him, and it’s also the reason why nobody wants to leave once they do. jeonghan takes care of his people. he defends them, wants the best for them, and can mediate any problem no matter how big or small. he’s the perfect boss, the perfect boyfriend, he’s just...perfect.

but lately, he’s been having doubts. he’s been doubting himself, his relationship with you. he won’t admit it, but he’s afraid of you seeing cheol after all this time and wanting to go back to him. he never understood how you two could split so easily, so his biggest fear is that whatever feelings may be laying dormant will come back with a vengeance the moment you and seungcheol are back in a room together. that’s why he tries to talk about him as little as possible despite being on the phone with him all the time. seungcheol is a hard worker, so he’s already got questions for jeonghan, clients to bring over, applicants to interview for his assistant. jeonghan admires the tenacity, but he’s walking on eggshells around you so the topic of cheol never comes up. that becomes nearly impossible when seungcheol reminds jeonghan of their promised meal together, and jeonghan tries to pick a night when he knows you’ll be tired and therefore fine with him going out.

he decides on tuesday night for dinner with cheol, and everything seems fine at first. you’ve got to go into the office early for a slew of back to back meetings, so you assure jeonghan you’ll be exhausted when you’re done. whatever “company thing” he has to do tonight can be done solo, and you tell him you’ll be expecting a kiss when he gets home, even if you’re asleep. he takes a slight breath of relief and promises he’ll be sweet to you when he gets back, pleased that it seems the topic he’s avoiding won’t have to come up at all.

tuesday comes, and you were fine with going home to no jeonghan, but as your day dragged on you realized there was no way you’ll be leaving on time. thing after thing keeps getting dumped on you until you’re on the verge of a freak out, and you text jeonghan to get some clarity. you tell him your day’s been awful, you’ll be home late, the usual, and he doesn’t respond. you’re so busy you don’t even have time to be upset about that, because as soon as you put your phone down you’re getting an email that almost makes you cry frustrated tears. you work on though, the only thing getting you through is the idea of falling into jeonghan’s arms as soon as you walk through the door.

jeonghan didn’t respond to you because seungcheol ended up coming into the office today, eager to set up his office and get straight to work next week. it was a surprise for sure, seeing his friend after so long, but thankfully they fell back into their usual rapport once the awkward pleasantries were over with. jeonghan had been busy helping seungcheol organize his desk, explaining some of the more important files that seungkwan had already placed in cheol’s office for him to review. jeonghan was trying to save some of the business talk for their dinner tonight, but they ended up having a working lunch instead, jeonghan divulging all of the things he’s needed his best friend for in their time apart.

“shit, is that the time?” cheol asks as he checks his watch. jeonghan looks at his phone then, seeing messages from you and wishing he could answer immediately. he’ll wait until he’s back in his office just to be safe. “i took up your whole day, i’m sorry.”

“no worries,” jeonghan waves him off. “it was nice catching up. it’s gonna be good having you here.”

“i’m really excited to get started,” cheol says.

“no shit, couldn’t tell,” jeonghan laughs. “but we’ve basically gone through everything i was planning to say at dinner. welcome to the team, this is the company culture, stay on top of your tasks, blah blah. come to me if you ever need anything, and uh, don’t drink the hazelnut coffee in the break room. it’s disgusting.”

“got it,” cheol nods. “i can’t believe i kept you here this long, if you need to leave, we can forget dinner.”

“no, i have time,” jeonghan thinks for a moment. “i should at least take you to this whiskey bar down the block, i think you’d like it. i do a lot of client meetings there.”

“sure, let’s go!”

the bar ended up being closed. who knew tuesday was a slow day for whiskey, because apparently it’s always closed on tuesdays and jeonghan had no clue. he feels bad that he’s not giving cheol the promised welcome meal or a nice drink on the company’s dime, so when seungcheol asks to see jeonghan’s place he has a hard time saying no.

“i’m sure you’ve got a great home bar,” cheol says, “and i’d love to see your place. if that’s ok, of course.”

“um, let me just-”

“check with your girlfriend first?” cheol asks, and jeonghan stops cold. he tries to play it off, shaking his head with an excuse on his lips, but when jeonghan looks up at him there’s a knowing look in his eyes. “you don’t have to hide it. i knew there was always a reason you sound distracted on the phone. just didn’t know sly yoon jeonghan could be held down by anybody.”

“haha, yeah, it’s a miracle,” jeonghan laughs nervously. “but, um, no, i don’t need to check with anybody. i was just. yeah, sure, yeah, we can have a drink at my place. but i need to make it quick, sorry,” he starts to lie, “my meeting with london tomorrow just got pushed to the ass crack of dawn, so it’ll be an early night for me.”

“just one drink,” cheol nods, clapping his hand on jeonghan’s back. “send me your address. you want me to bring flowers as a housewarming gift, or is that too much?”

when you’re finally leaving work, it’s about three hours later than normal. you took a break to eat dinner, so that added to your time, knowing that jeonghan would have a hissy fit if he knew you worked late and didn’t eat. your meal added on to your time, but it definitely didn’t diminish the amount of work you had to do. by the time you get back to your apartment, you’re tired, you’re frustrated, and those tears from earlier are creeping back again. you text jeonghan when you’re close by, and again when you get into the lobby and ask if he picked up the package that came. nothing all day, and now suddenly he can’t seem to respond quick enough.

“wait for me outside,” the text reads, which you think is odd, but whatever. you check the mailroom anyway, shuffling along on autopilot as jeonghan loses his mind upstairs.

why? because cheol is still here. jeonghan forgot how easy it was for drunk cheol to go off on tangents, and he’s in the middle of one now that doesn’t seem like it’ll slow down in time for jeonghan to shoo him out the door without running into you. he’s trying to run through each solution when he hears your key in the lock, stopping cheol mid-sentence so he can smirk and say, “guess the lady of the house is home?”

jeonghan shoots up to intercept you, trying to stop the door from pushing open too much to reveal you to cheol or vice versa. but he’s too late. he can tell by the shock in your eyes, followed quickly by tears. you duck back out into the hallway and he follows, closing the door behind him and praying to god that cheol stays put.

“baby, baby what’s wrong?” jeonghan asks, holding your hands to his chest as you try to calm down. your lip trembles as you explain, “i just had the worst day at work, i’m so tired of this job, i’m exhausted and frustrated and i wanted to come home to you and i was already about to cry but then he’s in there-wait, why is he in our house, hannie?” you ask, a bit of understandable anger in your voice. “i thought he couldn’t know about us,” you all but spit out, and jeonghan lets his head hang as he explains.

“i thought i’d be able to get him in and out before you got back,” he starts out. “i’m sorry i didn’t respond to you all day, but everything got away from me, and the place i was going to take cheol was closed, and he asked to see the apartment and i couldn’t really say no.”

“well get him out of there,” you hiss. “i can’t handle this right now.”

“handle what?” jeonghan asks, and you groan at the jealousy in his voice.

“hannie!” you whine. “you know what i mean. i was trying not to cry all the way home and now there’s a man in our house and i have to cry in the hallway. my day can’t get any worse.”

“i’m sorry,” jeonghan says. “i’m sorry. i’ll get him out. but...”

“what?” you groan, and jeonghan looks at you shamefaced.

“baby, if you don’t want to see him you’ll have to hide in the lobby or something. otherwise i bring you back inside and you have to address him there, or you stay out here and see him then.”

“i can’t just hide behind you?” you ask quietly, and he shakes his head. “‘fraid not, my love.”

“you’re in the shit, yoon jeonghan,” you say with an accusing finger under his chin. “you owe me.”

“you know i’ll make it up to you,” he whispers, dipping down to give you a chaste kiss. he leads you back to your door, pushing it open and clearing his throat when he sees cheol sitting with his head almost between his knees on the couch. “seungcheol, i can explain.”

“i don’t want to hear a word,” he says, standing up to get in jeonghan’s face. “some friend you are. how could you not tell me?”

“i’m sorry, i-”

“leave him alone,” you pipe up, and cheol’s anger turns to you briefly. once he looks at you, really looks at you, it all fades away and a soft ache replaces it. “seungcheol i think you should leave.”

“but-”

“you’re a guest in our home, and you’ve overstayed your welcome,” you hold your ground, but still don’t make eye contact with him. it’s comical, actually. you really are hiding behind jeonghan as you watch cheol leave.

“i can’t believe this,” he scoffs, gathering his things and pressing past you both. he looks back at you passingly as you close the door in his face, and your heart stirs in a way you don’t understand. the way cheol was looking at you burns into the backs of your eyelids, and you shake your head to get rid of it. jeonghan’s soft lips on your neck pull you back to reality, and he falls into another round of apologies. you turn around in his grasp, resting your head against his neck before you say, “jeonghan, it’s alright. let’s just go to bed.”

it’s safe to say that seungcheol is pissed. what’s infuriating about it though, at work he acts like nothing’s wrong. in meetings, through emails, on conference calls, cheol is the perfect associate. in the hallways though? the elevator? the break room? jeonghan feels ice shooting daggers through cheol’s gaze whenever their paths cross. he needs a chance to explain, but cheol won’t give it to him. he’s hurt that his friend would do this to him and keep it a secret, but what hurts just as much is that you’d date his best friend, hell, you’ve moved in with him, and cheol had no clue. from either of you. it’s hard to process that two people who were once so important to him could betray him like this, and with each other. he’s content to keep his relationship with jeonghan completely professional, hopeful that if he plays his cards right he’ll never have to be around you for extended periods of time.

the first test of that comes this friday with a company celebration for the acquisition of so many new accounts, cheol’s included. he has to go, and he knows you’ll be there a majority of the night. he’s ready to dodge and weave, staying on alert for where you are at all times. but the moment he lets his guard down, you’re at his side, ordering a drink at the bar. you didn’t notice it was cheol or else you never would’ve approached, but jeonghan has been talking to some creepy accountant for so long you needed an out. cheol glances to the side and sees two glasses in your hands, sadly meeting your eyes as he acknowledges that one of them must be for jeonghan. you open your mouth to say something, but he’s disappeared into the crowd before you can even say hello.

you get back to jeonghan to find him typing on his phone, and a quick peek tells you that he’s asking seungkwan to remove said creepy accountant from the premises. you smile as you hand him his drink, putting your hand under his chin so you can steady yourself to kiss his cheek. he lets you once, but then he turns so he can steal a kiss before you realize what’s happening. it makes you laugh, and the sound rings out across the corner of the room.

“shh, baby,” jeonghan laughs. “can’t let everyone here know you’re having a better time than they are.”

“it’s a nice party though,” you tell him. “they should all be enjoying it.”

“i hope so,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to hold back the strands that have fallen out of place, only for them to drape back over his face softly.

“you look sexy, by the way.”

“do i?” he smiles, and you nod, kissing his cheek again. he uses this as a chance to whisper in your ear, “and you’re stunning as always. i can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

“hannie stop,” you giggle, letting your face heat up as you pull away from him again. he drapes an arm around you now, pulling you into his side as he turns to face the rest of the room. with his lips closely pressed to your hairline he whispers something else that makes your skin erupt in goosebumps.

“i’m not the only one who can’t stop staring,” jeonghan says, turning you until you’re facing seungcheol from across the room. he’s right, cheol’s eyes are locked in on you and jeonghan. weird, considering he couldn’t get away from you fast enough earlier. even now his gaze holds strong, and you feel your blush deepen, this time from embarrassment and something more. “he’s been watching you all night.”

“stop,” you repeat, and jeonghan chuckles so lowly that you feel the sound rumble in your own chest pressed next to his. “he’s angry.”

“you think so?” jeonghan asks, his own gaze following yours to stare at cheol. “think we should talk to him?”

“actually, i do,” you say, breaking the stare down to look up at jeonghan. “or at least i should. you’re a good man, hannie, but i’m afraid you’d both get so cocky you wouldn’t be able to get through to him.”

“you think that’s a good idea?” he asks with a touch of warning in his voice. “he’s been hard to get through to all week-”

“and maybe if i talk to him, i can fix that,” you reply. then, quieter, almost like you don’t want to admit it to yourself, you ask, “come on, don’t you miss him?”

either you’re right and jeonghan does miss his best friend, or he’s scared to acknowledge that you might miss him too. regardless he nods and loosens his grip so you can step away. cheol watched that whole exchange, so he sees you coming. when you get close he tries to hide, but you don’t care, you call out his name loud enough for the partygoers around you to part like the sea just to get you through to him faster.

“cheol, hi,” you say with a shy smile once you’re close enough to speak at a normal volume. “um, i didn’t get to say anything earlier at the bar, so i’m sorry i yelled just now.”

“no worries,” he says curtly.

“i just..wanted to get your attention,” you continue, watching him unsure. “i want to talk, if that’s ok.”

“i don’t wanna hear it,” he replies, and he’s about to turn away but you place a delicate hand on his arm, squeezing lightly as you say, “no, really. we need to talk.”

you can feel jeonghan’s eyes on you as you lead cheol out to the balcony, major deja vu to the first night you and jeonghan became something. crazy how things come full circle, you think. you catch jeonghan’s eyes from across the room and nod at him, but his face is unmoving, watching you apprehensively with something close to worry in his eyes.

out on the balcony, cheol tries to keep as much space between you as possible. you tried joining him at the railing but he slid away childishly, and then when you took another step in his direction he moved to the chairs like he was going to sit down. you can tell there’s nervous energy behind his dark brown eyes, so you let him scramble for a minute before calling his name.

“cheollie,” you whisper so softly that the wind almost takes it away. the sound of his nickname falling from your lips stops him cold, his sad eyes looking up at you as you begin to explain. “none of this is what it looks like.”

“you sure about that?” he scoffs, finally sitting down at one of the chairs in front of you. you remain standing, leaning against the railing, and you can see the flash of jeonghan’s suit through the windows. was he listening?

“jeonghan and i started dating a few months ago, after he moved back home. we hadn’t even talked since you and i...broke up..but we were at the same party, and we started hanging out-”

“i don’t need to hear that,” cheol says dismissively. “i need to hear you and jeonghan apologize for not telling me. my two best friends. the two people i used to be closer to than anybody else, leaving me for each other?”

“that’s not what happened though,” you whine.

“y/n please,” he rolls his eyes.

“no, seungcheol, you’re not listening to me,” you say sternly, crossing your arms over your chest for good measure. it’s just a bonus that it makes your dress shift ever so slightly, showing the lacy edge of your bra underneath. cheol’s eyes are shamelessly on your chest as you go on. “jeonghan and i never did anything to betray you, other than choosing what was better for our lives, our careers, in the long run. if i remember correctly, you had a couple choices to make too, and i think you chose exactly the same thing. so whatever butt hurt feelings you have? get over it. we’re all here now. you and hannie need to work together, so put your big boy pants on and work. that also requires you to at least say hi to me when i see you at these events.” you take a breath before you go on. “i know it may not be easy..but it’s what we all have to do. got it?”

“yes ma’am,” cheol nods, standing and crossing over to you. he moves so that he’s barely caging you in, making sure you can’t leave as he says, “but just know. i’ll be mature about this. i’ll be the best god damn employee here, and i’ll treat you like a queen if that’s what it takes to make you stop pouting. but you and i both know we belong together.” he pauses so he can try to read your face, continuing with his dark eyes staring you down. “so know that every day i come into work. every fancy party i’m at. all i’m going to be thinking about is you.”

“cheol, i-” your voice is cut off by the sound of the balcony door opening, and your heart stops until you see vernon, seungcheol’s assistant, poking his head outside.

“hey, you’re missing the toast,” he tells cheol, who hasn’t turned around at all. he nods and says he’ll be there soon, vernon stepping back into the party unnoticed. cheol holds your gaze a moment longer before finally turning away.

“it was nice talking to you, y/n,” he says once he reaches the door. he sends you a wink before slipping through the door. “hopefully i’ll see you again very soon.”

you can’t stop thinking about what cheol said out on the balcony. you rejoin the party a few moments after him, sticking to the back as you listen to jeonghan lead the toasts to all their new employees, a brighter future, his usual charming boss speeches that everyone just eats up. you’re pressing your fingers to your lips, thoughts flooding through your head, when you hear your name called out and suddenly feel a roomful of eyes on you.

“and personally i just want to thank my rock, y/n, for being my voice of reason,” jeonghan says. “you’d be surprised how many of the important decisions i make here are actually because of her, so i’d like to raise a toast to her and all the other unspoken heroes of our company-” as he continues on, everyone’s focus shifts, but you feel one set of eyes still on you. you turn and find cheol, staring at you knowingly with a champagne flute in his hand. he tilts it toward you with a wink before swigging it down in one gulp, and you turn away when you catch yourself admiring his jawline. when curiosity gets the best of you and you look back, he’s gone.

once the event is over, you go back to jeonghan’s office to wait for him to politely talk to people until they get the hint that they need to leave. jeonghan says this is the reason he has a couch in his office, so you have somewhere comfortable to wait for him after parties, but really he got it because he doesn’t always want to fuck on his desk. you wonder if tonight will be one of those nights, but you think that question is answered when jeonghan walks through the door and collapses on top of you in exhaustion. you wrap your arms around him, a hand instantly falling to the back of his head so you can play with his hair. he hums into your neck, placing a single kiss on your skin before his breathing evens out. you lay like this for a while, content to stay like this all night, but you know you need to tell him about cheol.

“hannie,” you whisper, and his lack of a response makes you think he’s actually asleep. you push him up by the forehead, giggling when he looks at you confused and mumbles, “what.”

“hey cutie,” you whisper, kissing his forehead. “get up, you’re crushing me.”

“deal with it.”

“jeonghan, seriously,” you say, and he finally lifts himself up, staring at you expectantly. “i need to tell you about cheol.”

“tell me tomorrow,” he says before falling back onto your chest. “don’t feel like getting pissed off right now.”

“you’re both annoying,” you grumble, and that gets his attention.

“he was annoying?” he asks, his cheek still pressed against your chest. you can feel his warm skin on yours, and his cheek is pushed up so that his face is smushed. it’s cute, but you can’t get distracted. “tell me more.”

“he’s mad,” you start, “so i was right-”

“you’re always right-”

“don’t be a kiss ass,” you say sternly, and jeonghan chuckles. “what?”

“now i’m just thinking about your ass,” he says with a cheeky smile, peeking an eye open at you.

“jeonghan!” you whine. “can you please take this seriously! i tried talking to cheol about us, about all of us being mature about this, and he was really...he made it seem like..”

“like what?” jeonghan asks, sitting up suddenly. “he made it seem like what, y/n?”

“like he wasn’t over me,” you whisper, and jeonghan sees red for a moment. “he didn’t try anything. he didn’t want to be anywhere near me, n-not that i tried getting close to him! but like, i tried talking to him at the railing and he ran away, and then i could tell he was staring at my chest and he was like, super vague but still upset, and he said something about us being meant for each other and i just-”

“do you agree with him?” jeonghan asks, and you stop. “do you think you’re meant for each other?”

“hannie, i...he’s upset,” you reply, not giving him the response he wants. “he didn’t want to hear me explain anything, but he’s obviously hurt. he said he was going to change his attitude at work, but i don’t think this helped as much as i thought it would.”

“he’s the most stubborn man in the world, y/n.”

“oh so that explains why you two used to get along,” you tease, running a hand through jeonghan’s hair. your hand settles at the back of his head as you say, “i’m happy with you, hannie. you make me feel like the special-est girl ever. don’t look at me like you’re worried.”

“i’m not worried about you,” he says, turning so he can press soft kisses onto your wrist. “i’m worried about him.”

“whatever,” you shrug. “cheol is gonna be cheol. this will get easier with time.”

“hm,” he hums, lips still against your wrist. “speaking of time, how late is it?”

“late,” you reply. “we should go.”

“late?” he laughs. “that’s not a time baby.”

“i don’t have a watch,” you shrug. “and someone is laying on me, so i can’t reach my phone.”

“should i buy you a watch?” jeonghan asks, that glint in his eyes whenever he’s ready to spoil you. “maybe we should get matching ones.”

“minnie and mickey mouse?” you suggest, and he laughs.

“we’ll go shopping this weekend,” he promises before he hoists himself up, pulling you with him. “let’s go home now baby.”

it’s been a few days since the party, and you haven’t stopped thinking about cheol. it’s really bothering you, but you don’t want to bring it up to jeonghan again because you know it’ll just upset him. you’re thinking about what you should do as you make dinner tonight. you were able to come home early, excited to surprise jeonghan after such a stressful couple of days. he hasn’t said much about cheol, only that he’s been keeping to himself while still getting his work done. you figure this is how it should be, cheol doing his job and leaving the two of you alone, but there’s just a sliver of your heart that wants more. you’re thinking about it as jeonghan walks through the door, calling out your name before following the smell of food into the kitchen.

“is it my birthday or something?” he asks with a happy smile on his face.

“hm, no?” you think for a second. “just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“you’re an angel,” he says as he walks over to join you, his arms wrapping around your waist and head falling to the crook of your neck. “you have perfect timing too, my day sucked.”

“aw hannie,” you try to turn around in his arms, wanting to watch him as he explains what went wrong, but he holds your waist firmly so you won’t move.

“keep cooking,” he whispers into your neck, kissing at the spot behind your ear that sends a chill down your spine. “let me blow off some steam before dinner. just tell me when it’s too much, got it baby?” you nod, but you hear jeonghan grumble, “use your words y/n.”

“got it,” you whisper out, and you feel jeonghan smile against your skin. he keeps kissing up and down your neck, moving your hair out of the way so he can kiss right where your neck and shoulder meet. you feel his tongue against your skin and then the sharp pang of teeth, jeonghan working on marking your neck. you let him work, trying to focus on not burning the food, but he’s making it incredibly difficult.

“turn the heat down baby,” he advises you, noticing your lack of attention. “don’t want you to ruin dinner because you were distracted.” you do, your breath shaky when jeonghan’s hand slips from your waist to cup your pussy through your shorts. your breathes start coming in little gasps as he gives you the least amount of pressure possible. you groan frustrated, and he chuckles against your neck. “impatient baby.”

“i’m almost done cooking, hannie,” you tell him. “hurry up.”

“turn the stove off then,” jeonghan rasps out. “we’re staying right here.” his hand slips to the edge of your shorts, his fingers pushing the fabric of your shorts and panties aside to feel the arousal pooling at your core. “you don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“n-no.”

“no what?”

“no sir.”

“good girl,” he whispers, nipping at your ear as his fingers dip to your core. he loves feeling you falling apart on his fingers, you’d think you’d be used to this by now. but feeling him sink two fingers into your core has you shaking in his hold, grabbing onto his arm for leverage. you try grinding down into him, wanting more, but jeonghan is ever patient and ignores your attempts to feel more. he takes it slow, dragging his fingers in and out at an excruciating pace. it’s not enough, so your mind starts to wander to other times jeonghan has had his way with you in the kitchen, folding you over the counter, kneeling between your legs as you cook, and you jolt as your mind starts conjuring up images of cheol doing the same. your eyes fly open, jeonghan so tuned into your reactions that he chuckles as he whispers, “feel good baby?” and your heart starts to race. he doesn’t know. he can’t read your thoughts, so he doesn’t know what you were just imagining. but you feel...wrong. you feel like you’re doing something forbidden, not allowed, as you let jeonghan work you toward your high with thoughts of cheol still flashing through your mind.

“i’m c-close hannie,” you breathe out, trying to anchor yourself in this moment. you feel him biting your neck again, leaving another hickey you’re not sure you’ll be able to cover up.

“let me hear you then,” he says, fingers finally working faster, trying to make you come. you moan freely, feeling jeonghan’s hard cock pressing into you from behind. your eyes start to roll back as you come, letting out a soft moan, “oh, cheol-”

jeonghan stops.

all the air leaves your lungs, and you gasp as you try to cover, but jeonghan shushes you, arms tightening around your body as his lips graze your ear. “what did you just say?”

“n-nothing-”

“don’t lie to me,” he whispers. “what. did. you. say.”

“i-i said ch-cheol,” you stutter, jeonghan’s fingers still inside you, feeling the way your walls clench around him as you mention he who must not be named. “hannie, please, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to, i-”

“should i call him?” jeonghan asks, and you hate the way your body reacts to the idea. “let him hear you moaning so pretty for him while i’m playing with your pussy? or should we skip that and just invite him over here to fuck you?” he asks, hands pulling from you so he can turn you around and cage you in against the counter. he gets closer, eyes angry and a little turned on as he asks, “you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“hannie, no, i want you, need you,” you say, afraid to touch him as his hands work at his belt. he’s got his cock out in record time, lazily stroking it as he watches you.

“you want me, you need me, but you want him too, don’t you?” he asks, and you could cry at how frustrated you are right now. you let jeonghan lift you onto the counter, spreading your legs as he pulls your clothes to the side. he taps his cock over your clit, reveling in the way you whine for him. “come on baby, talk to me. told you to use your words.”

“i-i don’t want cheol,” you say shakily. “i want you, jeonghan.” that’s all he needed to hear, slamming his cock into you as you let out a choked sob. he’s relentless, fucking you so fast you’re not sure how you’re going to hold out. instantly his thumb is rubbing over your clit, wanting to make you come as fast as possible. considering how close you were, he doesn’t wait long, a scream of his name ripping through your chest as you release around him, but he doesn’t stop. proudly, he smiles as he fucks into you, watching your pussy swallow his cock as he says, “what do you think cheol would do if he was here right now?”

“jeonghan-”

“answer me,” he says, eyes finding yours and holding your gaze. you can see the way his pupils are blown out, lust taking over him, and you realize with a gasp that he’s enjoying this. he’s mad, sure, but this is turning him on. the thought has you clenching around him hard, and he smiles evilly before he goes on. “you think he’d want your mouth? or would he want your pussy?”

“b-both,” you stutter out, jerking in jeonghan’s hold as you get closer again. “he’d want both.”

“hm, greedy. just like you,” jeonghan tuts, bringing his thumb up to your lips before asking you to suck, you hold onto his wrist, steadying yourself as you suck on his thumb while he fucks you, and you can’t believe you’re about to come again. “hold on honey. wait for me.”

“jeonghan i can’t-”

“you will,” he says sternly, switching his pace so he’s thrusting into you so deep you feel like he’s going to split you open. your pussy keeps clenching down on him, making it hard to move, and when he looks up and sees you with his thumb still hanging from your mouth he groans, holding your chin as he watches you slowly unravel. he admires the way your eyes flutter first, then your jaw goes slack, whimpering as he thrusts into you to help you come. your body starts to shake and he can feel you spasming around his cock, his hips jerking as he starts coming deep inside you. he thrusts lazily until you’re both spent, your sensitive body jerking at every movement. he finally pulls out, moaning as he watches his come spill out of you. he looks up at you with an evil smirk, asking, “should i send a picture to seungcheol?”

“jeonghan, i’m sorry,” you sigh again, head falling to his shoulder. “that didn’t mean anything, it just came out.”

“but why did it come out?” he laughs nervously, stroking your hair as you latch onto him. with your arms firmly around his shoulders, you wrap your legs around his waist and he carries you into the living room. then he sits down with you in his lap, looking up at you softly as he asks. “what were you thinking about in that pretty head of yours?”

“i was thinking about you,” you start honestly. “and how you love fucking in our kitchen, for some reason-”

“i just love fucking you,” he admits as he plays with the strands of your hair falling over your shoulder. “so you were thinking about me and that made you moan cheol’s name?”

“no, i um,” you clear your throat. “i don’t know. he’s just. it’s been on my mind a lot lately, i guess. so my mind wandered. it just came out,” you say earnestly, cupping jeonghan’s face, “i’m so sorry.”

“don’t be,” he shrugs, a sad little smile on his face. your thumbs rub over his cheeks as he stares at you, and he opens his mouth to say something but stops.

“what?” you ask, knowing there’s something else on his mind. “say something baby.”

“you’re not over him,” he says sadly, and you feel tears in your eyes as you shake your head. “you’re not, and that’s ok.”

“but hannie, i love you i don’t know why i can’t-”

“you love me?” jeonghan asks, and you stiffen. you’ve never said that to him before, and this is how your stupid brain lets it come out?

“i do,” you whisper, “i love you so much, yoon jeonghan.”

“but you love cheol too,” he says quietly, and you nod.

“i think i still love him,” you admit. “but i don’t understand why, because i know i love you.”

“well,” jeonghan sighs, hands snaking around your waist again. “for what it’s worth, i know i love you too.”

“really?” you sniff, and he presses a soft kiss to your nose.

“i’ve known it for a while, actually,” he tells you.

“you love me,” you smile.

“and you love me,” he nods.

“i’m sorry,” you pout again, and he shakes his head.

“don’t be. you love me right?”

“i do,” you nod, kissing his chin as you wrap your arms around him.

“then that’s all that matters,” jeonghan says quietly, and you sit together like that, wrapped in each others arms, minds racing.

this isn’t how you wanted to tell him. you wanted the moment to be right, your confession of love needing to be special because jeonghan is special. he means so much to you. you haven’t felt this kind of love since..well, since cheol. jeonghan treats you like royalty and you want to treat him the same, so you’re torn at the thought of not being able to love him fully. but as you’re struggling to accept this, jeonghan has one thing running through his brain.

he needs to talk to seungcheol. now.

the next few days with jeonghan are insanely soft. you’re not sure if it’s because both of you let your feelings be known, or if it’s both of you trying to cover up the other feelings that were revealed a couple nights ago. either way, you’ve been in heaven. the rest of the work week flew by, both of you taking turns making each other’s favorite meals and then cuddling on the couch, not wanting to be far from each other for more than a few minutes. it’s like the early days of your relationship all over again, and you love it.

jeonghan was serious when he said he was going to buy you a watch though, so he takes you shopping first thing saturday morning. you whine at him not wanting to sleep in, but he makes a good point that the mall is unbearably crowded after lunchtime. so you reluctantly drag yourself out of bed, making coffee while jeonghan picks out a couple outfit he insisted you wear. you smile when you see what he’s chosen, two red flannels and your favorite pair of jeans. you try to keep him at bay as you dress, but he grumbles at you as he pulls his own clothes on.

“so mean to me, the man you love,” he says in disbelief, watching as you pull on a white tank top to wear under the flannel. “nice tits.”

“focus.”

“sorry,” he smiles. “do you wanna eat before we leave or get something on the way there?”

you spend some time following jeonghan around this very fancy department store, helping him pick out new work clothes. he begged you to stay with him, not wanting to lose you to the purses he saw you gravitate towards when you walked in. he grabbed your hand and held on tightly, only letting go every so often to hold up a new shirt or jacket to ask for your opinion. jeonghan usually gets everything tailored, so trying things on isn’t that much of a concern for him here but he happily lets you slide your hands down his arms, slipping off the flannel so you can see what the blazers look like on him. he loves watching you step back in thought before (usually) deciding he looks great and he needs the suit immediately. really, having you here is no help to his wallet, but it boosts his confidence like hell.

he’s about to ask you about a pair of pants when he turns and sees a flash of red moving through the racks behind you two, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. for now, he decides he’s looked at enough clothes and grabs your hand again to go find the jewelry counter. he called yesterday to place an order, and you’re mostly here to see if the watch fits. when you get to the counter you start looking in the glass to see what you might like, but jeonghan’s voice brings you to the end of the counter. he’s thanking the worker as they pass over a velvet box that jeonghan handles with care, looking up and beckoning you to come closer.

“do you like it baby?” he asks, showing you the silver watch with pearl inlays on the timepiece. you gasp and jeonghan laughs with the worker as she says, “i think she likes it!” you reach your hand out and let jeonghan secure it around your wrist, nodding proudly at the perfect fit. he looks back to the attendant and says, “i’ll go ahead and take the other one i called about.”

“sure thing,” she says before heading to the storage room behind her. she comes back with a similar box and jeonghan holds it under his arm as he closes the box your watch came in, knowing you won’t want to take it off now. they’re already paid for, so he offers his free hand to you and you carefully move your newly adorned arm to link through his. as you start walking through the store you think you see a familiar face up ahead, but it’s quickly obstructed by jeonghan’s fast pace.

“wait, did you get something?” you ask, stopping in the middle of the store. let me see yours.”

“i was serious about us matching,” he replies, handing you your box so he can open his. he shows you an almost identical piece, the only difference being a single pearl that connects the two clock hands.

“i love you,” you whisper to him, like it’s a secret the world shouldn’t know about just yet. you cup his face and kiss him, whispering against his lips, “thank you. you’re too wonderful.”

“y/n?” a deep voice calls from behind your boyfriend. you separate from jeonghan and see cheol standing a few feet away, a look of not-so-hidden disgust on his face. “what are you doing here man?”

“same as you,” jeonghan says comfortably, draping his arm across your shoulders. “you mentioned getting some new suits and i realized it’s been a while since i got any new work clothes, so we started here and now we’re probably on our way to that fancy cooking store y/n loves so much.

“nice,” cheol nods, looking at you both awkwardly. you notice then that your heart is beating quickly in your chest, and you hope jeonghan can’t feel it.

“hey, we’re all matching,” jeonghan points out, gesturing between the three of you and your shirts in various shades of red. “that’s cute.”

“right,” cheol nods awkwardly, regarding you both with a strange look in his eyes. you know that look, he looks like he’s trying to hide a secret. “well, um, enjoy the rest of your day.”

“bye cheol,” you say meekly, jeonghan waving as he turns you both toward the exit. you slap his side once you’re far enough away, and cheol rolls his eyes when he hears jeonghan’s unmistakable laugh.

that was weird, he thinks to himself. yesterday jeonghan was out of character, talking to cheol for far too long in the break room, wanting to know about his weekend and what his plans were. when cheol told him he was going shopping, jeonghan didn’t mention anything about needing to go himself. he just asked where cheol planned on going, and then he’s here the same time as him the next day. that’s not a coincidence, is it?

after you spend too much time and too much money at the next store, you leave with bags in your hand that you immediately push onto jeonghan when you find him waiting for you outside.

“jesus woman,” he laughs, “did you buy us a new kitchen?”

“no, just some things we needed,” you say innocently, and jeonghan sighs as he tries to balance the bags in his arms while still typing on his phone.

“what are you doing?” you ask, reaching out to help him but he swats you away.

“i’m texting cheol,” jeonghan says nonchalantly, and your heart drops to your ass.

“oh.”

“i invited him to lunch,” jeonghan says, looking back up at you again. “that ok?”

“um, i don’t know,” you reply. “should we? i mean, are we good?”

“i’m good,” jeonghan nods. “i think it would be nice. maybe we can try going back to normal.”

“o-ok,” you say, unsure of your boyfriend’s intentions. “so, where are we going?”

“we’ll meet him there,” jeonghan says, holding his arm out for you to grab onto. “come on, let’s go to the car.”

when you got to the car you didn’t expect jeonghan to put the bags away and immediately pull you across the center console to sit in his lap. he’s holding you down by the waist, capturing your lips in a kiss that he deepens just to moan into your mouth. you don’t hate it, but you also don’t know what’s gotten into him. you push away from him slightly, his lips chasing yours, but you put your fingers to his lips to hold him off.

“baby. talk to me. what is going on with you,” you state more than ask.

“i wanna do something,” he says mischievously.

“that’s obvious,” you say as you roll your eyes, and jeonghan nipping at your chin makes you swat him away and sit up fully. “what do you want to do. drive me insane?”

“yep,” he nods. “open the glovebox.”

“jeonghan-”

“what did i say?” he asks, and you stop talking, reaching awkwardly over to the glovebox to find the bullet vibrator and handcuffs still there from a few weeks ago. you hold them up, and jeonghan says, “put the cuffs away. too noticeable.”

“what do you mean?” you ask, confused. “jeonghan, what are you up to?”

“do you trust me?” he asks, and you nod. “words, honey.”

“of course i trust you,” you tell him, placing your hand on his cheek. he hums as he nuzzles into your touch, kissing your palm. he opens his own hand, and you pass him the toy. he turns it on to the lowest setting, pushing your flannel out of the way so he can trace it over your chest. you jolt in his lap when he traces over your nipples, smiling when he sees the buds poking through the thin fabric of your shirt. “hannie, we have to go to lunch-”

“to see seungcheol,” he says, eyes watching your chest erupt in goosebumps as he continues dragging the vibrator slowly over your skin.

“yes, and it’d be rude if we invited him and then we were late,” you scold, “so whatever you want to do get to it. or, better yet, wait until after.”

“why would that be better?” jeonghan asks, looking up at you darkly. “you wanna see cheol so you have more to think about when i make you come later?”

“that’s not what i me-eant,” you struggle to say, moaning a little at the end when jeonghan presses the vibrator over your clothed cunt. he pushes it up a few levels and you let out a shaky breath as you try to keep yourself from grinding down.

“give me a color baby.”

“green.”

“good,” he smiles, unbuttoning your pants as he keeps talking. “here’s what i want you to do. i want you to take this and keep it in your pussy while we have lunch. can you do that for me?”

“hannie, i...” you trail off, eyes holding his gaze as you realize he’s looking at you the same way he did a few nights ago. that dark lust is still there. that signal that he might be into this more than he’s letting on. there’s a plan brewing in that pretty head of his, and you let out a shaky breath as you think.

“baby, i need a color,” he repeats. you hold his gaze a little longer before whispering, “green.”

jeonghan is a piece of shit. you hate his guts right now, watching you so happily as you listen to cheol describe his life in europe. you’re struggling, trying so hard to not make it obvious that you literally have a vibrator inside you right now. jeonghan is staring at you with stars in his eyes, and cheol is trying to ignore it, but he can’t stop himself.

“listen, man, did you invite me out to make me jealous or something? i’m sure y/n told you what we talked about at the party,” he says, glancing at you and considering your expression for a second. you look...off. he can’t place why, so he turns back to jeonghan. “i’m not gonna do anything, but come on. be mature about it.”

“i had no ill intentions inviting you out today,” jeonghan says. “we really wanted to catch up, didn’t we y/n?” and all you do is nod. “she’s been wanting us to get back to normal, so i thought this would be a good start.”

“this was your idea?” cheol asks you, and you open your mouth to speak, shifting uncomfortably but soon realizing that was an awful idea. the vibrator has slid up so it’s pressed right against your clit, and your eyes flutter slightly as you try to speak.

“i mean, i wanted you to-” you take a breath, “to get along since you work together. but lunch was his idea,” you explain, pointing a shaky finger at your smug boyfriend. “but i want to hear more about europe. did you go to italy at all?”

“oh my god, you’d go crazy over there,” cheol smiles at you softly. “lots of cool food, amazing coffee.”

“sounds nice,” you smile back, and watching the two of you makes something warm stir in jeonghan’s chest.

“baby, tell him about that pasta you tried making,” jeonghan teases, and you roll your eyes.

“i thought i would try to make fresh pasta,” you start telling cheol, “but i fucked up. i started boiling it and the pasta just...dissolved?”

“it was disgusting,” jeonghan nods. “like a big eggy blob.”

“ew,” cheol says, looking down at the eggs in his noodles. “don’t ruin my appetite for me dude.”

“sorry,” jeonghan laughs, looking at you carefully. he can tell you’re close, so he decides to let you have a break, turning to cheol. “so be honest. how’s work?”

“you mean aside from our assistants having some kind of beef?” cheol laughs, and jeonghan joins him. “it’s good..” you stop listening, instead focusing on the vibrations between your legs. you press your thighs together looking for more pressure, and as the boys talk about some work drama you cover your mouth to hide a silent scream as you come. you play it off as a yawn, but cheol looks at you curiously. “y/n, you ok? are we boring you?” he laughs. if only he knew what that word meant to you and jeonghan.

“oh no, profit margins and revenue blah blah is sooo interesting,” you tease, shooting them both a glare. “no, i’m just really tired. someone didn’t let me sleep in this morning-”

“we had errands!” jeonghan whines, and cheol watches you two fondly.

“i think i might go splash some water on my face,” you tell them, looking at cheol so you don’t see the way jeonghan will react to you leaving. cheol catches himself staring, but he realizes now why you look different. it’s subtle, but he’d recognize it anywhere. you’ve got that kind of glow you only have when you’ve just come. cheol watches you leave, and then turns back to jeonghan.

“she ok?” he asks, and jeonghan shrugs.

“yeah, but we may not stay long if she’s not feeling well,” jeonghan covers, and cheol watches him closely, but eventually decides to leave it alone. surprisingly, he was having a good time. so he let’s himself enjoy this, returning your smile when you come back from the restroom (vibrator securely in your pocket now). “all good baby?”

“yeah,” you nod. “sorry, guess i haven’t slept enough this week.”

“you need to take better care of her,” cheol says to jeonghan, sipping his drink as he waits for him to respond.

“she’s the one that stays up late!” jeonghan whines, and you try to kick him underneath the table. “whatever. pay for your own lunch then.”

“i got you,” cheol says instead, and jeonghan feels a pang of jealousy shoot through his chest. whatever, he thinks to himself. his plan is going well. he’ll just let this play out and hope it works in his favor.

cheol is still thinking about your lunch together when he goes back to work on monday. it was...nice. like really nice, being back around you and jeonghan. he almost felt comfortable with you again, but there was something about the way you acted that made him suspicious.

he’s got a long day ahead of him, so he needs to stop thinking about you. it’s hard though, being back, so close to you yet so far. he loved you so much, still does. and he knows you do too. but jeonghan...

speak of the devil, there’s a knock at the door to cheol’s office as soon as he sits at his desk. he tries not to groan too loud before telling them to come in, and he’s a little surprised to see that it’s jeonghan. they weren’t supposed to meet until 10, why was he here already?

“you got a crush on me or something?” cheol teases as jeonghan makes himself at home and sits in one of the plush chairs in front of cheol’s desk. “we’ve been around each other a lot lately.”

“you’re a handsome man, what can i say,” jeonghan laughs, and cheol can feel his ears warming at the compliment. “no, i wanted to catch you before your first meeting. i’m afraid i have to reschedule on you.”

“aw, darn, you mean we don’t get to argue about budgets until seungkwan breaks it up?”

“i like to think of it as negotiating,” jeonghan replies, and cheol rolls his eyes.

“you’re such a boss. i never thought you could be this professional,” cheol tells him.

“it’s weird right?” jeonghan laughs, and they spend a few minutes reminiscing over their adventures as crazy kids loose in europe. jeonghan checks a watch that looks so brand new it seems to sparkle, and he stands with a sigh, telling cheol, “so i’ll get kwan to set up a new meeting with vernon?”

“sure,” cheol shrugs. “or whenever you have the time. you don’t need an appointment to come talk to me.”

“oh that reminds me,” jeonghan says, stopping with his hand on the door. “y/n wants to have you over for dinner, so text me when you’re free. it’s a standing invitation.”

“um, jeonghan?” cheol calls, and his friend stops with his back to cheol, smile creeping over his lips. “how is she? like, is she sick, or something? i just noticed on saturday that...”

“that what?” jeonghan asks, turning back to face cheol. “she seemed all right to me. maybe a little distracted.”

“yeah, distracted,” cheol says as he narrows his eyes at jeonghan. “you weren’t..doing anything, were you?”

“what do you mean?” jeonghan fakes innocence, cocking his head to the side.

“never mind,” cheol brushes it off. “i’ll text you to let you know when i’m free.”

“sounds good,” jeonghan waves behind him as he leaves, smug smile on his face as his plan falls into place.

when you come home from work later that week and find cheol on your couch, you’re shocked. well, this has happened before, so it’s not as shocking as that first time, but if you had a nickel, right? it’s weird that it’s happening again, and you have deja vu to that first night seeing cheol again after so long. he can tell you’re surprised, so he wants to go find jeonghan in the kitchen and sucker punch him.

“um, are you here for dinner?” you ask, and cheol nods.

“i thought jeonghan had told you, i’m-”

“sorry baby,” jeonghan says, leaning against the wall near the kitchen, drying his hands. “we talked about this at work, and when you said you made too much of that pork thing i figured it was a good night to have him.”

“yeah, that’s fine,” you nod. “heads up would’ve been nice though, what if i said something embarrassing when i walked in?”

“y/n, we dated for four years, you can’t embarrass yourself around me,” cheol says, and you look at jeonghan to read his reaction. he just shrugs and says, “he’s right. you have no shame.”

“i meant what if i said something embarrassing for you,” you correct him, gliding toward the kitchen to kiss jeonghan on the cheeks. “what if i came in here calling you snookums, then all the guys at the office would know you’re a big softie.”

“snookums?” cheol laughs from the couch, and you turn to him with an accusing finger.

“watch it, or i’ll tell jeonghan what your nickname was.”

“what was it?” he asks anyway, an evil smile on his face.

“sweetcheeks,” you and cheol say together, and jeonghan laughs.

“because he’s got cute cheeks?” he questions, and you shake your head.

“butt cheeks,” you clarify. “he’s got a nice ass.”

“whoa,” cheol chimes in, and you ignore him.

“she never talks about my butt like that,” jeonghan says, and cheol laughs nervously as you move past jeonghan into the kitchen. you’re checking the pork you left in the slow cooker this morning when you feel a presence behind you, and assuming it’s jeonghan you say, “a text would’ve been nice.”

“hey, i told him i shouldn’t just show up like this,” cheol’s voice replies instead, and you jump at the unexpected sound. “shit, sorry.”

“no, it’s ok,” you laugh it off, turning to find him awkwardly standing behind you. “it’s really fine that you’re here, cheollie. promise. i wasn’t expecting it, but hannie was right, we’ve got plenty of food.”

“are you making that thing we tried in vegas?” cheol asks hopefully, and he does a little happy dance when you nod. a couple years back, a pair of your friends from high school got married in vegas and invited everyone they knew. you and cheol went for the ‘ceremony’ but stayed a couple days longer for your first real trip together. there was one restaurant you visited just about every day so you could go back and try everything on the menu before you left. you both agreed that this pork was the best thing you’ve ever had, so when you found the recipe online the other day you knew you had to try it. “do you need help?”

“um, could you make the sauce for me?” you ask, and he nods before walking to the sink. “bowls are above the microwave, utensils by the sink.”

“you y/n-fied jeonghan’s kitchen?” cheol teases. “isn’t there some kind of system you always used when you put dishes away? there’s a reason everything is where it is.”

“well i knew i would be cooking in here the most so i kinda made it mine,” you say, and a whine from the doorway makes you turn. you see jeonghan pouting and you roll your eyes, turning back to the meat as you say, “tell me i’m wrong and i’ll sucker punch you.”

“baby, we have a guest, be nice,” jeonghan mumbles as he opens the fridge, asking you both if you want something to drink. he falls into working alongside cheol, chopping veggies to go with the pork and making sure the lettuce is clean for the wraps.

“y/n, taste this,” cheol says, and you turn to him as he offers a spoon. he makes an airplane noise as he brings it to your lips, and you close your mouth to glare at him. he accidentally bumps the spoon into your chin, spilling a little on you.

“you’re a child,” you grumble, tongue licking at the sauce on your lips. “but damn. that’s good.”

“right?” cheol smiles, turning to jeonghan to do the same, sans plane noises this time. you watch fondly as jeonghan tastes, humming cutely to signify his approval. everything is done for the most part, you just need to let the pork brown in the oven for a minute so you all take your drinks and head back to the living room, obliviously sitting down on the couch in a line, jeonghan, you, cheol. jeonghan immediately places his hand on your thigh, and you see cheol’s hand twitch to do the same. he catches himself though, looking up to see if you caught him just to find your eyes staring back. you’re about to say something, or you want to, at least, but jeonghan asking for the tv remote interrupts. you point behind cheol and he finds the remote, passing it across you to jeonghan.

you watch jeonghan pick something to watch, but it mostly ends up as background noise when he turns excitedly to cheol to ask about some show they both used to be obsessed with. you listen at first, but you lay your head down on jeonghan’s shoulder and close your eyes for a moment. jeonghan doesn’t miss the way cheol admires you like this, and he almost mentions his plan now. but it’s not the right time. instead, he lets you rest, only shaking you awake when he hears the timer in the kitchen going off. he and cheol watch you leave, and when jeonghan notices cheol’s eyes following your ass he smiles.

“do you need help baby?” he calls, and cheol is up and in the kitchen before you can reply. he sees you struggling to reach the nice plates at the top of the cabinet, so he comes behind you with a hand at the small of your back to reach above you with ease. you look back at him, eyes glancing down at his lips so briefly, but he’s tuned into your every movement. he catches it, smirking like hell as he goes to set the table. jeonghan comes into the kitchen next with your discarded drinks, and as you start taking the food he says he’ll get the utensils.

“um, where do you want me to sit?” cheol asks when you enter the dining room, and you look at the table and back at him, shrugging.

“wherever,” you reply. “we barely eat in here, so we don’t have assigned seats.”

“can i, um,” he clears his throat, “can i sit next to you?”

“sure,” you nod with a shy smile, pointing to the spot closest to you. “i’ll probably sit there.”

“so you do have assigned seats,” cheol squints at you, and you giggle as jeonghan finally comes back in, drinks and utensils balanced dangerously in his hands. cheol rushes to help and you say you’ll grab the rest of the food, leaving the two men alone.

“where are you sitting?” jeonghan asks, watching where cheol points so he can place the drinks accordingly. “don’t try to lay a move on my girlfriend.”

“i would never,” cheol says, looking at jeonghan with a slight challenge in his eyes. “same as you?”

“right,” jeonghan nods, and you come back in to some tension. you awkwardly walk past them, the smell of the pork pulling their attention like cartoon characters smelling a pie. they start complimenting you without even trying the food, cheol pulling your chair out for you politely as you sit down. he helps you show jeonghan how to build the perfect wrap, and when you’re done demonstrating you hold the one in your hand up to your boyfriend. he leans forward, looking between you both as he takes a bite, moaning openly at how good it is. “fuck, that’s delicious.”

“damn,” cheol hums, cheeks full of food as he looks at you, “you’re unreal. this tastes exactly like it did at the restaurant.”

“i think she’s a witch,” jeonghan jokes, and you kick him under the table.

“behave, you two,” cheol warns, a joking lilt in his voice, but you and jeonghan listen obediently, everyone falling silent as you start piling your plates and feasting on the delicious food. there’s really no talking, which is fine, but when the meal is over (plates cleared) the boys bicker back and forth over who’s going to do the dishes.

“cheol’s a guest, he shouldn’t have to do your chores,” you weigh in, and cheol drapes his hand over the back of your chair as he looks at jeonghan smugly.

“baby,” jeonghan whines and you shake your head. “you’re mean.”

“you’re meaner,” you reply, standing and stacking plates so it’s easier for jeonghan to take into the kitchen.

“how am i mean?!” he cries, and you hold his gaze, trying to remind him of the last time you ate with cheol. a smile slowly breaks out over his face, and cheol coughs delicately behind you.

“should i leave you two alone?” he jokes, a hint of seriousness in it though. he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome, but you and jeonghan insist he stay, so he relaxes. he grabs two more drinks for you and himself from the kitchen, playfully sticking his tongue out at jeonghan stuck at the sink.

he comes back into the living room to you sprawled on the couch, so he leaves your drink on the coffee table before sitting in the armchair. you look up at him cutely and pout, saying, “you’re so far away.”

“i’m right here baby,” he lets slip, and when your eyes bulge slightly he backtracks. “shit, sorry, i didn’t um, sorry.”

“it’s ok,” you say, holding his gaze. “so. tell me more about europe.”

“what else do you need to know?” cheol chuckles. “i feel like i’ve droned on about it.”

“you haven’t said..everything, i’m sure,” you say, and cheol gets it. you want to know if he was with anybody else, his ego boosted at your subtle jealousy.

“i haven’t?” he asks, and you know he’s teasing. “i’m not quite sure what you mean, y/n.”

“um,” you sit up before continuing, “any uh, any lucky ladies over there heartbroken that you’re back home?”

“probably a few,” he nods, and you scoff. “i don’t care about them though.”

“oh,” you say meekly, still holding his gaze.

“never did, if i’m honest,” he goes on. “my heart wasn’t in it.”

“sad,” you point out and he nods.

“i’m glad to be back though,” he says with finality. you’re about to respond but jeonghan comes back in and plops down on top of you, pushing your body down into the cushions.

“hannie, we were talking,” you mumble into his chest, not able to move with his lanky body draped over you like this.

“just talking, huh?” he whispers just low enough for you to hear it. “i have something i wanna talk about.”

“what?”

“cheol,” jeonghan calls as he sits up, and you follow, trying to fix your hair as you listen. cheol quirks an eyebrow at you both, and jeonghan says, “you’re still in love with y/n, right?”

“what?” he asks, caught off guard. “i mean, i, i don’t know what you want to hear, man.”

“the truth,” jeonghan admits, and cheol stares for a moment before he says quietly, “i do. i love her.”

“good,” jeonghan smiles, turning to you next. “y/n? you love cheol, right?”

“hannie,” you whisper, and he shakes his head.

“to cheol, baby, tell him,” he whispers back, and you look at cheol as you say, “i think i still love him. yeah.”

“perfect,” jeonghan smiles, looking between you both. “and you love me?” he asks you, to which you agree. he turns to cheol and asks the same, and cheol hesitantly nods. “so we’re all on the same page.”

“no, i don’t think we are,” cheol says, and you nod, pulling his hand to your lap as you ask, “hannie, what are you doing?”

“i want to see you two kiss,” jeonghan says, eyes searing into yours. you gasp, eyes flicking over to cheol, and you catch his hands twitching on the armrests. you look back to jeonghan, who’s waiting expectantly. “what do you think?”

“i think you’re crazy,” you whisper, and his expression falls only slightly.

“it’s just one kiss baby,” jeonghan says with a shrug. “i won’t mind. i’m sure cheol won’t mind. i know you want to,” he says, and you don’t respond. “it’s just one kiss, you can do it for me,” he says again, and your heart picks up speed when cheol pipes up.

“yeah, y/n, it’s just one kiss,” he smirks, and you glare at him.

“you stay out of this,” you point, and he puts his hands up innocently. you look back at your madman of a boyfriend and see the way he’s looking at you, and it’s weird. you know that look. you know he wants this. he’s...hopeful? and you think saying no would hurt his feelings. you look back at cheol, who’s watching you in a similar way, and you breathe out, “fine. one kiss.”

“get to it then,” jeonghan says, patting your thigh as you look between the two men again. your skin feels like it’s on fire as you stand, walking over to cheol knowing they’re both studying your every move. you stop in front of him, suddenly self conscious. you don’t know what to do, so when jeonghan says softly, “sit in his lap baby,” you do it, hands carefully placed on cheol’s shoulders as you straddle his lap, hovering over him. you hear shifting behind you, guessing that jeonghan is moving so he can see better, and then you flick your eyes up to cheol. his pupils are the size of saucers, and you can’t help but let out a little whimper as his hands fall to your hips.

“get comfortable,” he says, “can’t kiss you so stiff like this.”

you let him push you down into his lap, one hand staying on your hip as the other comes up to cup your chin. he lifts it softly, bringing your lips to his in a delicate kiss. your skin erupts in goosebumps, memories flashing back at hyper speed. the feeling of cheol’s lips on yours is intoxicating, and you instantly want more. your lips chase his, eyes still closed as he pulls you away, and the sound of the two men chuckling pulls you back to the moment.

“how was it honey?” jeonghan asks behind you, and watching cheol you respond, “it was good.”

“just good?” cheol pouts, and you slap his shoulder, getting up before you lose your courage.

“i’m, uh, i need to go shower,” you say quickly, avoiding their eyes. “thanks for coming over cheollie. i mean. whatever. thanks for coming.”

you’re gone so fast it’s like there’s a gust of wind in your wake, and cheol looks at his best friend before asking, “what the fuck man?”

“i have a proposition for you,” jeonghan begins, “only if you’re up for it...”

finding cheol in your apartment is becoming more common than you’d like. well, it’s not that his presence is unwanted. it’s just that jeonghan likes to stay unpredictable, so you never know when you’ll come home and find seungcheol on your couch, in your kitchen, in your bathroom? you presume jeonghan is up to something, you just don’t know what yet. he hasn’t asked you to kiss cheol again, though. that was...interesting.

you’ve been trying so hard to forget cheol. you were with jeonghan and you knew you loved him, so you wanted to be there for him in every sense. you tried your best to forget about how cheol made you feel, about how you felt for him, but as soon as your skin touched, as soon as your lips grazed his, everything came flooding back. for a good period of your life you thought cheol would someday be your husband. now, after several whirlwind months with jeonghan, you’re conflicted. you love them both, and you don’t know what to do about it.

jeonghan does.

he knows exactly what he’s doing, inviting cheol over so you never have a chance to talk yourself out of seeing him. he knows exactly what he’s doing when he undresses you in the hall before you shower together, leaving your panties on the ground purposefully for cheol to see them later. he knows what he’s doing when he takes the armchair in the living room, leaving you and cheol to sit so awkwardly far from each other on the couch. jeonghan watches in amusement the way your eyes always flick back and forth to each other, never seeming to look when the other is staring. he knows you both want something. he just needs to sit you down and tell you that he wants something too.

one particular night, you had a feeling you’d find cheol when you came home. you expected it at this point, surprised now when jeonghan would tell you it was just him. today your inkling was correct, and you open the door to jeonghan at the couch, casework laid out on the coffee table while he yelled to cheol in the kitchen. you walk over to him first and press a kiss to his cheek, glancing at the work and piecing together that it was budget stuff he and cheol are constantly bickering over. you get up to say hi to the other man, almost colliding with him as he leaves the kitchen, two drinks in hand. you press your hands to his chest to stop him from spilling everything all over you, and you absentmindedly rub over his pecs as you say hi. he smirks down at you, chest warming at your touch. you catch yourself wanting to stand on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek much like you did to your boyfriend, but that’s not appropriate. you excuse yourself so you can go change, leaving the boys to do their work for a while longer. they get through a couple pages before cheol turns to jeonghan expectantly.

“what?” he asks, barely looking at his friend. “pouting at me won’t get you the money for that advertiser you want.”

“when are you gonna tell her?” cheol asks instead, and jeonghan stills. he told cheol about his plan the night of the kiss, and not so shockingly he was on board. they laid out some ground rules, negotiating much like they are now, but cheol was all for it. jeonghan just had to mention it to you, and he was sure it wouldn’t take much convincing.

“we can talk to her tonight if you want,” jeonghan shrugs, focused on the papers in front of him.

“how are you so casual about this man?” cheol scoffs as he leans back in his chair. then in a quieter voice he says, “you ask me to fuck your girlfriend and you keep talking about it like it’s a business deal.”

“we have an agreement,” jeonghan points out. “so it’s kind of like a business deal.”

“but she’s your girlfriend-”

“and she’s your ex,” he cuts cheol off, finally meeting his judgmental gaze. “we both know her really well. we both know she’ll be into it. the agreement was just...a formality.”

“a formality?”

“so no one gets any funny ideas,” jeonghan says sternly, eyes flicking to the hallway when he hears the bedroom door open. soon you’re walking into the living room, a pair of his boxers and an old sweatshirt replacing your work clothes. jeonghan doesn’t miss the way cheol checks you out as you sit down, throwing your legs over jeonghan’s lap even if he was trying to work.

“i can’t believe you still have that,” cheol smiles, speaking to you as jeonghan starts clearing the coffee table. cheol points at your sweatshirt and says, “you stole that from me two years ago, remember?”

“i didn’t steal it, you left it at my apartment!” you argue, and he shakes his head.

“no, i left it at your apartment once and then you wore it to my place like a week later. i took it off of you and hid it so you wouldn’t take it back,” he says, and you can feel yourself blush as jeonghan looks in your direction. “but then when i was packing that apartment up, hm, suddenly that shirt was missing again. guess i finally know where it ended up.”

“oops?” you offer, and cheol laughs.

“i’m glad you kept it,” he says shyly, eyes darting over to jeonghan ever so briefly. he’s holding onto your thighs, rubbing them softly as he watches you with a strange look in his eyes.

“sorry baby, i can go change,” you start to say, sitting up so you can get off the couch, but jeonghan presses a careful hand into your stomach to keep you in place.

“no, keep it on,” he says. “i don’t mind.”

“o-ok,” you stammer out, stomach doing flips at the heat coming off of your boyfriend. he keeps watching you, and after what feels like forever he eventually speaks.

“baby, i have something to ask you.”

“um, should we go to the bedroom then?” you ask, and he shakes his head.

“later,” he tells you, hand leaving your stomach to grab your own, lacing your fingers with his. “how do you feel about me and cheol?”

“hannie, we’ve talked about this, i care about you both a lot but i love you,” you emphasize with a squeeze of his hand in yours. he smiles softly as he brings your knuckles to his lips, kissing each one as he speaks.

“not what i meant, but that’s good to hear,” he says lowly. if cheol didn’t already know what he was going to ask he’d be straining to hear, but he’s been imagining this moment for weeks. he could practically speak with jeonghan because he’s so sure of what he’ll say next. “no, baby, i wanted to know if you’d be ok with fucking me and cheol. or letting us fuck you. it’s your choice, really.”

“what?” you breathe out, looking at both men in disbelief. as shocked as you are right now, you can’t deny the way your stomach just flipped.

“we can have sex and he can watch, you two can have sex and i’ll watch, it’s whatever you wanna do,” jeonghan continues, and his eyes darken when he feels your legs shift in his lap. “come on baby, use your words. we know you want this.”

“i-i don’t know,” you whisper, looking to cheol who’s staring back at you like he wants to devour you. it sends a familiar shiver down your spine as you look back to jeonghan, his hand coming up to brush your hair back behind your ear.

“yes you do, pretty girl,” he encourages. “do you want to?” you nod. “words baby.”

“yes, i want to,” you say quietly, and cheol feels his dick twitch already.

“what do you want?” he asks, and he watches proudly as you and jeonghan turn to stare at him. you take a shaky breath as you decide.

“i want you to fuck me cheollie,” you answer, looking at jeonghan as you say, “then i want you hannie.”

“let’s go to our room then baby,” jeonghan says before he pulls you in for a kiss, pulling you up with him as he stands. your lips stay latched onto his as you walk, until you feel a pair of strong hands pulling you by the waist. cheol’s chest collides with your back, kissing from the spot behind your ear all the way down your neck. he’s making little marks, but he’s doing it so quickly you wonder if jeonghan told him not to leave any. when he sucks on the part that always had you shivering, jeonghan takes your open mouth as an opportunity to dive back in, his tongue gliding past your lips as cheol pulls you onto the bed with him. jeonghan keeps kissing you as he drapes his body over yours, cheol brushing more of your hair out of the way so he can kiss along your jaw.

“you’re gonna have to let go of her man,” cheol mumbles, sounding only a little bit pouty. jeonghan pulls away from you with a pop, your lips still pursed as he helps turn you around. you feel jeonghan’s hand at the back of your neck as he pushes your face toward cheol’s your lips meeting his in a tentative kiss. you feel sparks ignite across your chest. despite all the forgetting, despite how you feel for jeonghan, you still missed cheol deeply. he missed you, and he can’t see himself letting you go anytime soon. his hands are holding onto your hips for dear life, which makes what jeonghan’s trying to do a little more difficult. he pushes cheol’s hands up so they settle at your sides, holding onto the soft skin of your stomach. meanwhile jeonghan is pulling his boxers down your legs, hissing when he sees you weren’t wearing any panties.

“damn baby, it’s like you knew what we were planning,” jeonghan smirks, tracing his thumb over your swollen pussy lips. you jerk in cheol’s hold, and he takes this as a chance to separate from your lips, peeking over you at jeonghan to ask, “she not wearing any panties?”

“nope,” jeonghan replies, still watching the way your arousal drips out of you, pulling your lips apart as you try to hold back little moans.

“looks like somebody’s still a little slut for me huh?” cheol asks, whispering into your ear. if jeonghan weren’t watching you react to it right in front of his eyes, he would clock cheol for calling you such a thing. but with a shudder of his own he realizes you like it, your entrance clenching around nothing as cheol continues whispering foul things into your ears. “bet you’ve been thinking about this for weeks. months, maybe? how often did you think about me fucking you?”

“answer him,” jeonghan chimes in, and he hears you let out a shaky breathe before you respond. as soon as you start to speak, jeonghan licks a stripe from your entrance to your clit, struggling to reach your bundle of nerves at this angle. he pulls you up by the ass so you’re straddling cheol with your knees tucked up enough to arch your back, pussy on full display for your boyfriend. “sorry baby, i didn’t hear that.”

“just that one t-time,” you reply, jeonghan’s hands tracing around your pussy but never touching where you need him most.

“tell me the truth, baby.”

“a c-couple times,” you admit. “wh-when we were in the kitchen. when, um, when we were in the shower a few days ago. and....today. when i was coming home from work.” jeonghan is quiet, the room eerily still, but then you hear and feel jeonghan spit directly onto your pussy, spreading his saliva around to mix with your arousal.

“what were you thinking about?” jeonghan asks, his fingers massaging your pussy without touching your clit. “tell cheol.”

“today,” he adds. “what were you thinking about today?”

“i was-” you gasp when jeonghan’s fingers trace over your clit, “god, i was thinking about sucking your dick.”

“really?” cheol asks. “always so cock hungry. she like that with you, jeonghan?”

“all the time.”

“you like making your men feel good?” cheol asks as he strokes your hair, and you nod. with his hand still on your head, he softly starts pushing you down, saying, “well then show me what i’ve been missing, love.”

you feel jeonghan back away from you, letting you shift down the mattress until you’re at eye level with the bulge in cheol’s dress pants. you settle on your stomach, fingers tracing over the outline you know so well. as you tease cheol you feel jeonghan between your legs, kneeling behind you so he can grab your waist and hold you in place while he eats you out.

you gasp when you feel jeonghan’s tongue at your core, slowly licking up every drop you let out as you undress cheol. you remember how big he is, taking a small gulp when his cock springs to life after you pull his boxers down. you stroke it a few times but you know he doesn’t like to wait, so you lean forward to suck his tip past your lips. the way he groans makes you clench, and jeonghan continues licking, dipping his tongue to your entrance to let you suck him in as he eats you like a man starved.

“don’t tease me baby,” cheol growls, his hand tangled in your hair as he starts pushing you further down his cock. jeonghan rubs his thumb over your clit and you gag around cheol, so he pulls you away for a second to breathe. “fucking missed this.”

“don’t get used to it,” jeonghan says into your pussy.

“no promises,” cheol replies, sighing as you go back to swallowing him slowly. the foul sounds coming from your throat are no match for the way jeonghan is devouring you. he brings two fingers up and hisses as he watches your pussy take them in, and he moves so he can suck on your clit while he finger fucks you. you keep bobbing on cheol’s cock, whines coming from deep within your chest. cheol takes over for a minute, his hands in your hair guiding you, and he curses as he watches saliva spill past your lips. when jeonghan hits that spot inside you cheol watches in awe as your eyes roll back, moaning over his cock and sending shockwaves through his body. he’s trying his best not to fuck your throat, but he wants so badly to let go. to have his way with you. it’s like jeonghan reads his mind, because he pulls back just long enough to say, “don’t hold back, cheol. let her have it. fuck her like you used to.”

he looks down at you, fucked out gaze and a polite nod confirming you want that too. cheol’s grip tightens, bracing himself before he starts fucking into your mouth recklessly. he’s close, but he won’t come until you do. he just hopes jeonghan is feeling generous.

and he is. jeonghan is always happy to make you come. unlike cheol, he never wants you to hold back. jeonghan always wants you to come, but once you start he may not let you stop. you can feel yourself getting closer, jeonghan’s lips sucking your clit alternating with delicate touches of his tongue all while his fingers keep a steady pace at your core. you make the mistake of looking up at cheol, seeing the way he’s staring at you, and the overwhelming feeling of his eyes on you and jeonghan’s touch sends you over the edge. you start to come, jeonghan coaxing you through it, and as your throat constricts around cheol while you moan, his dick twitches once, twice, and then he’s coming down your throat. jeonghan pulls you off of him while he’s still coming, the last few spurts falling over your lips and chin. cheol watches in shock (and a little arousal?) as jeonghan pulls you to his lips, licking up the bit of come you couldn’t swallow. he kisses you, obviously wanting you to taste yourself on his tongue. cheol can’t believe he’s getting hard again, but when jeonghan drops you back down to his lap you can’t help but laugh.

“i’m not the only needy one, huh?” you tease, flicking at his red tip.

“don’t get cocky baby,” cheol smiles. “we’re just getting started.”

“what do you want to do next?” you ask as you swipe your hand over your chin. you look between them both and jeonghan nods to cheol.

“ask him,” jeonghan replies. you turn to see cheol with an evil smile, and he asks, “you still use the color system?” you and jeonghan nod, but cheol shakes his head. “need you both to say yes.”

“we do,” you say with jeonghan. cheol keeps watching you both, an idea brewing behind those beautiful brown eyes of his.

“have you ever tied her up before?” he asks jeonghan, but his eyes stay on you.

“please,” jeonghan rolls his eyes. “we did that before she was even my girlfriend.”

“where do you keep them?” cheol asks, this time expecting you to answer.

“um, box under the bed,” you reply, and you watch him slide off the mattress to kneel on the floor. he looks for a moment, mumbling about there being multiple boxes down here. “it’s the black one.” he’s quiet for a moment, so you ask, “did you find it?” his head pops up, silk ties in one hand and something else in his other.

“what is this?” he asks jeonghan, and that’s when you see he’s holding a dildo. “your dick doesn’t work or something?”

“that’s not for him,” you answer instead, and cheol looks at you in shock. he looks back at the dildo, then to jeonghan who shrugs, a cute blush on his cheeks. “put it back, unless you want me to show you what we do with it.”

cheol scrambles to return it to its box, crawling back on the bed so he can reach for your shirt. “take this off, baby.” you start to do as he says, and he turns to jeonghan, same fiery look in his eyes as he says, “you too.”

“what?” jeongan sputters, and cheol holds firm.

“get undressed, i’m tying you up too,” he explains, and jeonghan looks at you for support.

“what are you doing cheollie?” you ask, a hand reaching out to cup his cheek. he leans into the touch, kissing your palm before he replies.

“this is your punishment,” he says, looking to jeonghan who’s only wearing his boxers now. “both of you.”

“why?” you ask, checking on jeonghan yourself. he looks fine with this, but the way he’s staying quiet has you worried.

“you both left me,” cheol says, his eyebrows furrowed as he unties the silk. he looks up at you, then jeonghan, and asks, “is this ok? what color?”

“green,” you and jeonghan reply, and you look at your boyfriend again. he smiles at you, blowing a kiss, and cheol tells you both to lay down. he sits between you, and starting with you he leans over your body to take your right wrist and tie it to the headboard. he moves to jeonghan next, and you watch closely at the way jeonghan’s eyes keep flitting down to cheol’s lips. he ties jeonghan’s left wrist to the headboard, leaving each of you a free hand still on the bed. cheol uses what’s left of the silk to tie your left wrist to jeonghan’s right, and he smiles when you instantly grip jeonghan’s hand in yours.

“i’m gonna fuck her, is that ok?” cheol asks, dangerously close to jeonghan’s face. he nods, whispering his approval. cheol looks to you and you nod, trying to reach out for him but only getting so far. cheol chuckles darkly as he undresses fully, your breath catching in your throat at getting to see him bare like this again. you’re staring but you don’t care, drinking in the way cheol’s muscles ripple with every movement. you watch as he grips his cock, bringing it to your clit and tapping it over the sensitive bud a few times. you yelp when he slides his cock through your folds, the tip catching on the hood of your pussy. you want him to do more, but he just watches you squirming beneath him in amusement. “baby?”

“hm?” you reply.

“can you do something for me?”

“anything,” you breath out, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel him rubbing his tip against your clit again. “anything, cheollie. just fuck me, please.”

“needy baby,” he tsks, sitting back as he speaks. “i need you to make hannie feel good for me while i fuck you, can you do that?”

“but i’m tied up-”

“you can still move your hand, can’t you?” he asks, gesturing to your hand on the mattress that’s squeezing onto jeonghan’s for dear life. you shake his hand off and reach over to his lap, smiling when hannie let you trace his cock through his boxers. his hand covers yours, guiding your movements, and cheol mumbles, “yeah, just like that baby.”

“need help, cheollie,” you whimper, cutting through jeonghan’s whines and cheol’s intense focus on his friend’s cock. he looks at you concerned, and you tell him, “i need help getting his boxers off.”

“you can do it on your own,” cheol encourages, and he watches you struggle to pull the waistband of hannie’s boxers down enough for his cock to be free. you look at cheol who reaches for your hand to kiss it softly. saying, “see? you can do anything, pretty girl.”

“say something nice to hannie too,” you pout, and both boys feel their stomachs flip. cheol looks at jeonghan, from his eyes down to his lips and then down to his cock. when he looks back up at his best friend he says, “hannie has a really pretty cock.”

“he does,” you agree, using your mobile hand to reach up and stroke his cheek. his own hand gets in the way and you giggle, but jeonghan is a blushing mess. you don’t get to see him like this often, but when you do, you eat it up.

“keep looking at him like that baby,” cheol says, shifting at the end of the bed. “gonna fuck you now. want him to watch you come undone on my cock.”

“he knows what it looks like,” you whisper, and jeonghan smiles at you. you lean forward to kiss him, pulling back with a gasp when cheol thrusts his cock deep inside you. jeonghan can’t help but moan with you as cheol fucks you, your pussy remembering every inch and every curve. he finds a rhythm quickly, holding you down even though there’s no where for you to go. he tears his eyes away from your pussy swallowing his cock to see you disobeying him, not doing anything to please jeonghan. he reaches for your hand and wraps it around hannie’s cock for you, once again your boyfriend covering your hand with his to help you. he curses under his breath as you jerk him off, and you whine at the feeling of cheol fucking your pussy like he’s never fucked you before.

you can tell you’re dripping, and you feel some of jeonghan’s precum spilling over your hand. you bring it to your mouth to lick clean, jeonghan moaning so pornographically it makes cheol’s dick twitch inside you. you go back to stroking jeonghan off, focused on making him feel good so you can ignore the way you wanna cry because of cheol’s cock. he’s not having that, knowing you’re holding back. he knows your body better than anyone. better than jeonghan, even. he lifts your legs above his shoulders, your thighs squeezed together as he fucks you deeper, and his next thrust rips a scream from deep within your chest. he keeps fucking you, watching as your pace on jeonghan’s cock shows how badly you’re falling apart. if jeonghan weren’t helping you, cheol is sure you would’ve stopped by now. you’re letting them both use you however they want, and cheol can’t help it, he comes again, this time painting your walls with his come.

he keeps fucking you, but he gets a new idea. he starts untying your arm from the headboard, stilling inside you but hissing as he feels you clenching on his cock. he lets you catch your breath before he pulls out, admiring the way his come leaks from your pussy. he grabs you by the hips to push you over to jeonghan, sitting you up over his cock. jeonghan moans when he feels some of cheol’s come drip onto his cock, and cheol whispers in your ear, “fuck him for me, baby. show me how good he makes you feel.”

cheol and jeonghan both watch in awe as you sink down on hannie’s cock. once you’re settled on his lap, cock fully sheathed inside you, you let out a choked moan and cheol feels himself get hard again. he always wanted to see you fuck someone else. you’d talked about it before, but it never happened. he can’t believe he’s watching it now, his best girl and his best friend, and he can see the love in your eyes as you bounce on jeonghan’s cock. you know what drives him crazy, both of you moaning softly as you ride him. you sit for a moment, resting your legs, but cheol slaps your ass and tells you to keep going. you listen, fucking jeonghan like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do. his hand reaches up to tweak at your nipples, your hand tied to his trying to push him away.

“what’s wrong, honey?” he asks. “too much?” and you nod. “too bad. if it’s too much then you need to come.”

“want you to come with me hannie,” you tell him, and he shakes his head.

“you know the rules honey. you come first. now if you want to come, come.”

another scream rips from your throat, a few tears falling past your eyes as you ride through your high on jeonghan’s cock. he waits until you’re still on top of him before he starts fucking up into you, the aftershocks of your orgasm jolting you with every thrust. cheol watches as you come again, this time triggering jeonghan’s release. cheol lays down so he can watch your pussy flutter around jeonghan’s cock, both men staring mesmerized at their come dripping out of you. without saying anything they both reach down, swiping fingers through the mess between your legs. you open your mouth, waiting for them to shove their fingers in, moaning at the taste of both of them mixed together. you hiccup when they finally pull back, and cheol helps you carefully lift yourself off of jeonghan. he’s about to say he’ll be right back with a wash cloth, but as soon as you hit the pillow you start drifting off to sleep. cheol looks at jeonghan who shrugs, asking quietly, “can you untie me now bro?”

they’re quiet as cheol undoes the silk, and after jeonghan stretches his sore limbs he shakes you carefully. they both chuckle at the way you wake up, fond smiles staring back at you as you mumble, “what? i’ll kill you.”

“we need to get you cleaned up, honey,” jeonghan whispers before kissing your cheek. he looks to cheol as he says, “will you keep her awake while i start a bath?”

“of course,” cheol nods, watching jeonghan walk to the en suite bathroom. he looks back at you, staring sleepily up at him, and cheol reaches out to stroke your hair. “hey baby.”

“hi cheollie.”

“how you feeling?”

“good,” you hum, watching as cheol moves to lay down next to you. “i missed you.”

“i missed you too,” cheol replies, still playing with your hair. he brushes the sweaty bit away from your forehead, cupping your face after and just admiring you being so close to him again. he never thought he’d get this chance again, and he wants to thank jeonghan for being a freak and making this happen. he also needs to figure out how to make sure nights like this can happen again. now that cheol’s got you, he’s not letting go. he notices it’s been a few minutes, just you and cheol staring at each other, and then jeonghan’s voice pulls cheol back to reality.

“baby?” jeonghan calls, and cheol gets up to help pull you off the bed. you stumble into his chest, wrapping your hands around his waist and waddle walking with him to the bathroom. jeonghan laughs loudly when he sees you two, heart full at the soft smiles you’re sharing and the shy tint on cheol’s cheeks. jeonghan gestures for you, and cheol helps you walk on your shaky legs over to the bathtub. they help you step in, and once you’ve sat down you look to them sadly.

“what’s wrong?” cheol asks, and your pout deepens.

“neither of you are getting in with me?”

“baby, i don’t think the three of us will fit,” jeonghan chuckles, reaching out to stroke your hair just like cheol was a few moments ago. jeonghan carefully traces your features with his thumb as he whispers sweet nothings to you, and cheol moves toward the door. he knows you just had a threesome, but this feels like something he shouldn’t be watching.

“where are you going?” your voice stops him, one foot back in the bedroom.

“um, i was gonna wash up in the guest room,” cheol says. “jeonghan said i could stay there tonight.”

“our bed is big enough for all three of us,” you say as you lay your head on the edge of the bathtub. you yawn as you keep talking, “you can just sleep with us. i mean, technically you already did.”

“um, i don’t want to overstep-” cheol tries to say, but jeonghan cuts him off.

“stay,” he whispers, something in his eyes that cheol can’t read. “she’s right. it’ll be cozy, but there’s plenty of room.”

“i can sleep in the middle so you won’t get cooties from each other,” you chime in, and cheol breathes a sigh of relief.

“ok, if that’s fine,” he nods. “i’m still gonna shower in the other bathroom. you two do whatever you want in here.”

“you heard the man,” he hears you say as he picks his clothes up from the bedroom floor.

“you’ve had enough tonight honey,” jeonghan tells you, and cheol laughs as he hears you dramatically whine, “hannie!!”

once cheol takes a shower, he pulls on the clothes he brought to sleep in and suddenly feels too self aware. he’s in someone else’s home. he’s in your home, your’s and jeonghan’s. he shouldn’t have a space here. he shouldn’t feel as comfortable as he does. he definitely shouldn’t be sharing a bed with you two tonight, but as if jeonghan knew, he’s standing at the door, calling softly, “come on cheol, y/n keeps whining that you’re not in bed yet.”

“she gets needy when she’s tired,” cheol points out, and jeonghan nods enthusiastically.

“i know,” he agrees. “but it’s kinda sweet, isn’t it?”

“jeonghan?” cheol says quietly, and his friend steps into the room to hear him better. “thank you. for trusting me. with her. with this.”

“sure,” he nods, visibly nervous, but not for the reasons cheol assumes. “i mean, you’re the expert here, really. i just. i’m glad you were up for it. she really liked it. i..really liked it.”

cheol is about to say something else when his phone ringing stops him. he chuckles and holds it up for jeonghan to see, who rolls his eyes. cheol answers, speaking loud enough for you to hear him down the hall. “what do you want?”

“is jeonghan with you?” you ask, and cheol hums confirmation. then they both hear you yelling from the bedroom, “then come back here!!!”

“i’m getting water, do you need anything?” jeonghan asks as they both leave the guest room.

“i’m good,” cheol waves him off, and jeonghan says he’ll be right back. cheol walks back to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway. you’re on your phone, but you let it fall to your chest when you hear a presence at the door. “hey. jeonghan’s getting water.”

“ok,” you reply, scooting over to make room for him on your side of the bed. “come lay down.”

“is it against the rules if i kiss you goodnight?” cheol asks jokingly, but you shake your head no, and jeonghan adds from the doorway, “no, it would actually be kinda rude if you didn’t.” cheol watches jeonghan walk around him, placing a glass of water on your nightstand. he kneels on the bed to reach your lips, kissing you softly before he walks around to his side of the bed, leaving you to look at cheol expectantly. he bashfully gets on the bed, on instinct grabbing you by the waist as he lays down. he looks at you before leaning in, kissing you softly and whispering good night before he pulls away again.

“night cheollie,” you whisper back, reaching for jeonghan behing you. you manage to pull his arm around your chest, tucking it under your own arm so his hand is at your chest. you press a kiss to his knuckles and whisper, “night hannie,” and you knock out pretty soon after that.

“are you gonna turn the light off?” jeonghan asks, and cheol notices he’s been watching him. your head is so low on the pillows that jeonghan can stare directly at cheol, and he watches as his friend turns around to flip the light off. cheol returns, finding jeonghan’s eyes still watching him.

“you waiting for a goodnight kiss or something?” cheol teases, and jeonghan shakes his head.

“not unless you want one,” he challenges, and cheol stares back, mind obviously somewhere else. “what’s wrong?”

“why her?” he asks quietly. “why did you start dating y/n, of all people? i’m happy for you, please don’t think i’m not, but...it hurt, finding that out. it hurt from both sides. so..why?”

“because i missed you,” jeonghan whispers back, something sad in his voice. “i think we both did, and something about this, about us, just made it seem like you were here.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

“anymore questions?”

“not right now, no,” cheol shakes his head, hair falling into his eyes. “but it’s...good to know.”

“we can talk about it more tomorrow,” jeonghan says, situating himself so he’s more comfortable. he closes his eyes before he says, “you need to rest cheol.”

“yeah,” he sighs, knowing he’s got too many thoughts floating around for that to be a possibility. “night jeonghan.”

you wake up in the morning to sounds of snores. usually it’s just jeonghan’s soft, airy snores you wake up to, but today it’s like there’s a thunderstorm happening. that’s when you remember cheol, and as if on cue, his arms tighten around your waist and pull you closer to his chest. jeonghan’s face was laying on your shoulder, so he falls slightly and wakes himself up. he blinks up at you a few times, smiling when he finds you staring back.

“morning baby,” he whispers.

“morning my love,” you reply, and he kisses along your shoulder. “how’d you sleep?”

“good,” he nods. “i didn’t wake up at all, which is surprising with snore master over there.”

“i can hear you,” cheol grumbles. “go back to sleep.”

“no,” you and jeonghan say in unison, and cheol groans.

“you’re annoying.” you roll over so you can wrap your arms around cheol, jeonghan grabbing onto your waist and propping his head on your shoulder. cheol peeks an eye at you both and says, “you’re annoying. but kinda cute too.”

“who, me or hannie?” you ask, and cheol pretends to think about it.

“both?”

“sweet,” jeonghan smiles, kissing your shoulder again as he slides out of bed. “i’m making coffee. you gotta get up if you want any.”

“how long did it take him to figure that one out?” cheol asks while you watch jeonghan get dressed.

“like the second date?” you guess, and jeonghan nods to confirm. you look back at cheol and say, “he’s pretty smart. he also learned not to interrupt me when i’m reading like way earlier than you.”

“no fair, i told him that,” cheol pouts, and jeonghan whines back that he wouldn’t remember something like that. they bicker back and forth, cheol’s pout getting more and more pronounced. you lean forward and kiss him mid-whine, stilling nervously with your lips still on his. you look around and find jeonghan watching you, and he shrugs.

“if you weren’t gonna shut him up i was,” he says as he walks out the door. “no more kissing without me though, i’ll feel left out!”

“so he’s ok with us kissing,” cheol smiles at you, and you smack his shoulder.

“we fucked last night, yeah he’s fine with us kissing.”

“well! that was last night,” cheol starts, fiddling with your hair like he always did when he was unsure of what to say next.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, and he looks up at you sadly.

“i can’t leave,” he whispers. “i don’t...i can’t be without you again.”

“cheollie,” you sigh, threading your hand through his hair. “let’s go talk about it, ok? you won’t lose us again, i promise.”

cheol follows you like a lost puppy into the kitchen. he nods politely when you ask if he wants coffee, and his heart flips when you hand him a mug made exactly how he likes it. jeonghan’s got yours ready, so you all stand around the kitchen drinking quietly. you’re staring at cheol, and his eyes keep nervously flicking over to jeonghan. finally you turn and reach for jeonghan’s hand.

“hannie, i have a question,” you start. jeonghan grabs your hand in his and kisses it before telling you to go on. “is it ok if cheol stays a few more days?”

“a few more days?” he asks, looking to cheol for confirmation. he doesn’t want to meet jeonghan’s eyes, but when he does, he relaxes instantly. that thing cheol couldn’t read last night is back. the way jeonghan’s looking at him right now is the same way jeonghan looks at you. that gives him enough confidence to nod, clearing his throat as he says, “yeah, um, i could stay in the guest room? but. i was wondering. if we could maybe...”

“date?” jeonghan finishes. “like, the three of us?”

“maybe?” cheol squeaks out.

“sure,” jeonghan nods, looking to you and then back to cheol. “you wanna go out today?”

after a quick breakfast at home, you all get ready to run some errands before the actual “date” jeonghan claims to have planned. in reality it’s just dinner and a movie, his treat, but he keeps talking it up like it’s gonna be the best night ever. and maybe it will be. you never knew you could feel so loved, but you realize now that being with jeonghan and cheol gives you more than enough. you happily watch your boys argue over the best snacks at the grocery store, cheol swearing up and down that he knows what you like best while jeonghan argues that maybe your tastes have changed over the years. they’re both right, though. you like both. all. put everything in the cart, boys included. you’ve never been happier, and seeing the two of them together shows you how much they care for each other, too.

one of the stops on your list of errands was, surprise, shopping for a new outfit. you needed something to wear for a big investor’s dinner coming up, and it was funny to watch the boys bicker over who would pay for your dress. it was also very distracting and borderline disrespectful to have them comment on every piece you tried on, their comments getting bolder and both men getting antsier the longer you sat them through this torture. you told them you were doing one final sweep of the store, hoping to find something that really jumps out, and when you return you push them both into separate changing rooms to try on some pieces you found with your boys in mind. it gives you a moment alone to try on the last dress and admire it without any heckling, but when jeonghan steps out of his dressing room he lets out a low whistle.

“you look hot as fuck, baby,” he tells you, arms wrapping around your waist and his head falling to your shoulder. his hands drag across your stomach, admiring the beading, and he tries moving a sneaky hand up beneath your chest. the sound of cheol coming out of his dressing room diverts your attention, and you make grabby hands for him to join you in front of the mirror.

there you stand, smiling proudly at your boys. you look gorgeous, and they look...confused? cheol looks at himself in the mirror, then at jeonghan, then turns to you and asks, “did you make us try on the same outfit?”

“what?” you laugh, pulling jeonghan from behind you so he can stand at your side. with both of them on display, now it’s easy to see that you gave them the same clothes. you’re almost drooling at the way that they both effortlessly make a pair of slacks and a button up look so sexy. you grab their hands closest to you, swinging them as the boys stare at their reflection.

“his thighs look better than mine,” jeonghan points out.

“sure, but your clavicle is very tantalizing,” you tease, kissing his cheek. when you turn back to the mirror, you see jeonghan’s blush and give his hand an extra squeeze.

“why’d you do this?” cheol pouts, still looking at the three of you in the mirror. “i feel silly.”

“sorry, i’ve just always wanted two boyfriends,” you start out, “because i want to dress them like twins.”

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shmaptainwrites · 7 months

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x ex-wife!Reader

SUMMARY — James and Reader have not been on great terms since their divorce, but an emerging situation with their son forces them to put aside their differences and work together and hope that past feelings don't resurface

WARNINGS — hospitalization, chronic illness, swearing, complicated feelings (idk y'all they're divorced what more can I say)

NOTE — Okay so I have so many things to say about this fic, but if I say them all this post will be way too long it already is like this came up as 33 pages in my docs but this is a day late birthday present for @shots-of-wilson-and-whiskey who also provided the James pic I hope you had such a fun day and a great year of simping ahead!

Pronounciation — Mahlet = Ma-h-let | Hennock = Hey-knock

Ever since you had become a mother, birthday parties were the bane of your existence. The sugar overload, the loud noises, the cleanup afterwards, all amounted to your own personal hell. Yet, you would move hell or high water for your son to have the most enjoyable party every single year.

Today was no different, eight years later you were still breaking your back to ensure every small detail was perfect, from the pin the spikes on the stegosaurus to the cake you’d spent at least a month painstakingly training to make.

A friend of yours, another parent from the school your son Julian went to, came over in the kitchen to give you a hand with some of the snacks.

“How are you managing here?” she asked and you took a deep breath.

“Managing is the operative word,” you chuckled. “Kids having fun out there?”

“Yeah, loads, you’ve outdone yourself again,” she assured you. “Will James be making an appearance?”

“I stopped asking myself that question after we got divorced,” you said while fixing the plate of vegetables and dip. “He’s supposed to, he promised Julian, but we all know how that ends.”

There seemed to be a bit of commotion out in the backyard and you tried to assess what was happening from the window, but your suspicions that something was off was confirmed when Julian’s best friend, Hennock, came rushing inside.

“Mrs. Wilson, something’s going on with Julian,” he said and you frowned while your friend followed you outside to see the kids circling around Julian who seemed to be gripping onto his chest.

“Jay, what’s going on? Are you okay?” you bent down to be closer to his eye-level, trying to understand what was happening to your son.

“Can’t…” he pointed to his mouth. “Can’t…breathe,” he wheezed.

Your eyes went wide, but before you could grab him and run for the car he began to cough and you hoped and prayed there was just something caught in his throat that would make its way out, but with the coughing came spatters of red all over your white shirt.

“Mahi,” you looked over at your friend quickly while picking Julian up. You didn’t have to say a word, she already knew what she needed to do.

Living close to the hospital, it was worth it to drive yourself, that way you didn’t have to wait for an ambulance to get to you. You had made the mental calculations many times before, just in case there was an emergency and now it was finally coming in handy.

When you got Julian in the car, you checked in on his breathing, it was still laboured, but at least at this point he was getting in the air, even if he was coughing up blood.

You turned on the car and began driving while calling your ex-husband with one hand. The line rang until you reached voicemail so you called again, expecting at least this time for him to pick up, only to hear the tone once more.

“Dammit James!” you threw your phone down on the seat next to you knowing you’d deal with him later, now you needed to focus on getting to the hospital without killing either of you.

Barely paying attention to how your car was parked, you grabbed Julian out of the back seat and ran into the ER with him.

“Ma’am, what’s going on?” a nurse came and asked you as you put Julian down.

“My son, he-he’s having trouble breathing and he’s coughing up blood I-I-I don’t know what’s happening.”

Before you could say a word they had whisked Julian away and another nurse came to ask you some questions about his medical history and any information that may be important to the doctors treating him.

“Where’s my son?” you asked, “I want to see my son.”

“Ma’am I’m sorry, but the doctors are working on getting his airway cleared, you can’t be with him right now.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and bit back your tongue. There were a million and one things you wanted to say to the nurse, but none of them would help your situation. On the other hand, finding your ex might.

So instead of finding the waiting room you went over to the elevator and made your way up to the oncology department, briskly walking through the halls until you reached his office. At this point, you didn’t bother knocking, opening the door to see him sitting down over a file and talking with House.

“Hey Greg,” you said in a fake cheery voice. “Mind giving us the room?”

“Oh, this is the wife with the kid, did you forget to pay child support?” House asked James.

“Get out, Greg,” you said warningly and he listened, instead opting to steal the rest of James’ sandwich and slipping past you, while wishing James good luck and letting you slam the door shut behind you.

“What’s going on?” James asked, clearly confused by your demeanour and appearance. “If this is about the party I didn’t forget I was-wait is that blood,” he stood up from his chair and came over to you.

“What’s going on is you didn’t pick up your fucking phone,” you said angrily.

“Hey,” James looked at you sternly. “What is going on?” he repeated his question, this time more pointedly.

You could feel your lips begin to tremble and your vision became blurred while you shook your head.

“Who’s blood is on your shirt?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, “It’s Julian’s.”

“Julian-I-what happened?” his demeanour changed from frustrated with your attitude towards him to worrying for his son.

“I-I don’t know he said he couldn’t breathe and then he started coughing up blood and I just picked him up and drove him here a-and now they won’t let me see him.”

“You drove him?” he asked incredulously. “You didn’t think to maybe call an ambulance?”

“That’s what you’re hung up on? That I decided to drive because it was faster than getting him an ambulance?”

“That’s not what I-,”

“Yes it is,” you stepped back. “I wouldn’t have needed an ambulance if you were there.”

James sighed and chose to ignore your comment,

“Where is he?” he asked.

“Emergency room,” you muttered. “They won’t let me see him, you need to talk to them, say something, anything.”

James nodded his head, at least you could agree on that. He walked with you out of the office and to the elevator so you could go to the ER together and figure out what the hell was happening to your son.

When you got down there and James began speaking to the nurses, they informed him that Julian had been moved to the ICU and his respiration was being closely monitored while they ran a few tests to see what had caused the arrest.

You had to fight to hold yourself upright when they pulled back the curtain and you could see Julian hooked up to all the machines and with a ventilator tube stuck down his throat. You covered your mouth with your hand and shook your head again. This couldn’t be happening, now you were supposed to be cutting into cake and opening presents, not sitting in the ICU.

You stepped inside with James and he closed the curtain to give you a bit of privacy and decided to look over his chart and see if they had given any relevant information there. Seeing none, he turned his attention over to you, seeing your eyes filled with tears, unable to tear your gaze away from your son.

James walked over to you and cautiously put a hand on your shoulder, eventually encouraging you to turn around so he could pull you into his arms. You allowed your tears to soak his white coat, gripping onto him so tightly because there was nowhere else to hold.

You could hear his breathing change, accompanied by the small sniffles and you knew he was doing just as bad as you were right now, wiping the tears from his own eyes as he finally allowed himself to see his son as he was, sick, helpless, vulnerable, and only moments ago, without his dad’s help when he needed him most.

Your moment was interrupted when you heard the curtain being pulled back and you saw two doctors standing there. You pulled away from James and wiped whatever remaining tears were in your eyes so you could properly address them.

It seemed as though one of the doctors recognized James and when he looked down at the file and saw the name he made the connection internally.

“Can we talk to you guys out in the waiting room for a moment?” he asked.

“I don’t want to leave my son,” you shook your head.

“Ma’am, this is the ICU and the visiting hours are very strictly adhered to, I think your husband maybe got lucky and pulled a few strings so you could see your son, but we need to leave now.”

“He’s not my husband,” you muttered and reluctantly followed them out of the makeshift room and towards the waiting area.

“Did you find out what was wrong?” James asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I looked at his chart. You took him for an emergency CT and bloodwork.”

“We also ran a few other tests,” the doctor began explaining. “From the medical history your, um, ex wife gave I had a suspicion of something so we ran a sweat test to check for elevated chloride levels and it just came back positive.”

“Chloride levels?” you looked up at James. “What does that mean?”

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “It means Julian has cystic fibrosis.”

“I-I’ve heard of that, is it curable?” you asked.

“I’ll leave you guys with Dr. Liu, he deals with the pediatric cystic fibrosis cases and will be able to answer your questions better than I can,” he wished you a good day and left you alone with the other doctor.

“Cystic fibrosis is manageable-,”

“So you can’t cure it,” you reiterated.

The doctor shook his head, “Unfortunately there is no cure for CF yet, but many people have been able to live longer and happy lives with the medical technology now available.”

James was silent, taking in all the information that was being presented.

“How did he get it? Is it contagious or-or was it just always there?” you asked.

“It’s a genetic condition, so he’s always had it, the symptoms have just gotten to the point where they’re now visible,” the doctor explained.

“I-It’s genetic so one of us is a carrier?” you pointed to you and James.

“We both are,” James said. “Both parents have to be carriers to pass it down to their child, right?”

Dr. Liu nodded and you pressed your lips together.

“C-Can you just tell us what this means for right now?” you asked. “I just think-I think I need a minute.”

Dr. Liu nodded his head and explained they were giving Julian medication to help with the infection and airway damage that caused him to cough up blood, then they would get him on some bronchodilators to help with his breathing for the time being while they assessed what other issues the cystic fibrosis had potentially caused in his body. He’d have to stay at the hospital for a while, but hopefully could be moved to the pediatric ward within the next day or so.

“We can talk more about what Julian’s medical journey will look like later, I’ll give you guys some time together and if you have any questions, Wilson’s got my pager and knows where my office is.”

You nodded your head and thanked him quietly as he left the waiting area. You finally sat down on one of the chairs.

James took the seat next to you and you covered your face with your hands.

“We couldn’t give him a functional family and a happy home and now we’ve given him a chronic medical condition to top it off.”

“Blaming ourselves isn’t going to do anything for Julian,” James said.

“And sitting around here is?” you asked and James sighed.

“No, no it’s not.”

You sat there in silence for a little while longer before you noticed James stand up and motion for you to follow him. As much as you didn’t want to listen to him and just sit and wait until they would let you be with Julian again, you got up and followed him to one of the OR supply closets. He used a key to unlock the door and sifted through some materials until he found what he was looking for, pulling out a scrub shirt in your size and handing it over to you.

You looked down at your own shirt, seeing the red specks of Julian’s blood and closed the door behind your both, pulling your shirt off over your head and handing it to James. You were about to put the other shirt on when you noticed the flecks of dried blood against your chest.

While you eyes were transfixed on that, James had grabbed an alcohol wipe package from the shelves and tore it open with his teeth, removing the wipe and reaching over to help you clean the blood off yourself.

“James, I can do it myself,” you reached for the wipe, but he pulled it away.

“You’ve got some on your neck too, just let me take care of it,” he insisted.

You knew better than to cause a fight over something trivial like this right now so you put your hands down, watching as James tossed your shirt over his shoulder and carefully began wiping away the specks of your son’s blood off your chest, collarbone, and neck.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked you while holding your face to tilt it to the side so he could get a spot he’d missed earlier.

“No, why?”

“Because it’s his birthday, you’d always forget to eat until dinner and even then it would be scraps from the party until I forced you to eat something better,” he recounted. “Let’s just go grab something from the cafeteria before we go back to the ICU, okay?”

“Will it make a difference if I say I’m not hungry?” you asked.

“You can’t take care of Julian if you’re not taking care of yourself.”

You scoffed and pulled the shirt over your head, “And you’ve suddenly become an expert on taking care of your family?”

“Believe it or not, we were once happy and there was a reason we got married and decided to have a child together.”

“And there’s a reason we got divorced too,” you added and opened the door behind you.

You didn’t go to the cafeteria, instead heading back to the ICU waiting room knowing either visiting hours would have to start eventually or they’d move Julian to his own room and you could finally sit with him.

James clearly hadn’t followed you so you ended up alone again, wringing your hands and waiting for some sort of news.

Eventually, you felt a bag drop on your lap and you looked up and saw James standing overtop of you. You looked inside and saw a package of a sandwich, a small bag of chips, and a water bottle.

You knew he was right, that if you didn’t take care of yourself you wouldn’t be able to take care of Julian, so you forced yourself to eat, even if you didn’t want to.

A little while later, Dr. Liu had returned and informed you that they were moving Julian to the pediatric ward and you could stay with him there in his room. When you joined him there, James had taken off his white coat and tossed it on one of the chairs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and sitting down next to Julian’ taking one of his hands in his own.

“Don’t you have patients you need to see?” you asked, sitting on the opposite side of the hospital bed.

“I told Cuddy I needed the day, someone else is taking care of it for me,” he said, not removing his gaze from Julian.

With the two of them sitting next to each other like that, you could clearly see the similarities Julian had with his father. They shared the same eyes and nose, and when they smiled they had the same little creases around their eyes.

You wished that’s what you could have been looking at, them smiling together, instead of the frown etched onto James’ face and Julian still fast asleep while an oxygen mask now delivered the air he needed to help him breathe.

“Do you know much about cystic fibrosis?” you asked James, brushing your thumb against Julian’s other hand.

“Only that it mainly affects the digestive system and the respiratory tract,” he explained. “I’m not too familiar with how it's managed, just that there’s regular doctor’s visits and probably some medication and therapies involved.”

You could feel a small stirring and you looked down and saw Julian’s hand begin to move underneath yours.

You smiled when you saw his eyes blink open and James was quick to stand up and come closer to him so he had a familiar face to look at while he took in his surroundings.

“Hey buddy,” James smiled and you could see Julian light up at the sight of his dad. He lifted his hand to try to remove the oxygen mask, but James gently encouraged him not to. “This is giving your lungs an extra hand right now, let’s just keep it on until the doctor tells us it's okay to take it off.”

“But you’re a doctor,” Julian countered and James chuckled.

“I am, but I'm not your doctor. I am, however, your dad so you have to listen to me anyways,” he teased and bent down to kiss his son’s cheek and tickle him a little bit in the process.

“Hey, go easy on him,” you placed a gentle hand on James' arm and he laid off.

“You know,” James said. “It’s still your birthday.”

“It is?” Julian asked and you both nodded and James reached down to grab something he’d brought with him.

“All the presents your friends got you are at home waiting for you to get better so you can open them, but this is what I got for you,” he said. “I was gonna come and bring it to the party, but I think you brought the party to me.”

Julian laughed a little at that and you rolled your eyes, of course James could make himself look good by not showing up.

He sat up with the help of his dad and pulled out the tissue paper from the bag to see the present that was hiding underneath. With a big grin on his face, he took out a dinosaur stuffed animal along with a book all about the different species of the Cretaceous period.

“This is awesome,” Julian grinned. “Thanks dad, I love it.”

James gave Julian another kiss and you joined them, taking a seat on the bed and glancing over at the book on Julian’s lap.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” you asked, fixing the twisted band of the oxygen mask on his face.

“My throat hurts a little bit,” he admitted. “And I’m kinda hungry.”

“Let me call a nurse and we’ll see what you can eat,” you said and pressed the button to send someone over from the nurses’ station.

Meanwhile, James poured Julian a glass of water and helped him take a few sips of it. His throat was probably irritated from being on the ventilator, but his lungs had become stabilized from the use of the bronchodilators.

The nurse came and you spoke to her about getting Julian something to eat and she said she’d double check with Dr. Liu and then grab him some food.

“Hey, Jay,” you walked over to the bed and took your son’s hand in yours. “Are you okay to hang out here with dad while I go grab some stuff from home? The doctors said we might hang around here for a few days so I think I need to pack a bag.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Julian nodded. “Are you okay mom?” he reached up and touched your cheek and you realized you'd let a few more tears slip.

“Yeah, I’m just really happy you’re okay,” you wiped the tears away and pressed a big kiss to his cheek. “Right, Jamie? We’re both happy he’s okay.”

James looked over at you with softness reflecting in his eyes at the sound of the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time and nodded his head.

“Bring some cake back with you,” Julian whispered. “Even if dad and the doctor say no we can sneak some.”

You laughed at his plan and gave him another kiss, assuring him you’d pack some in a container to bring for him when you came back.

When you arrived at your home, you thought you might cry at the sight in front of you. The kitchen and living room were completely clean, presents piled neatly on the coffee table along with a new card you didn’t recognize. Coming closer, you noticed the bright marker, signature of eight-year-olds across the country, with the message Get Well Soon Julian! written on it and signed by all his friends who had attended the party.

You packed the card in your bag along with a few other things and made a mental note to grab a nice thank you gift for Mahlet to thank her for what she had done.

As promised, you cut a big chunk of cake, enough for the three of you to share, and packed it in a tupperware to bring back to the hospital.

You grabbed a few changes of clothes for both you and Julian and changed out of the temporary shirt you had on and into something more comfortable for the rest of the evening, making sure everything you needed was in place before heading out and going back to the hospital.

When you got back to Julian’s room you saw James squished in next to him on the bed, the book he had bought him opened on his lap as he read its contents to Julian. Julian was resting his head against James’ arm and James was doing those big exaggerations he always would whenever he’d read bedtime stories to Julian, emphasizing all the insane details and changing the inflections of his voice in just the right way to make him laugh.

“I brought cake,” you grinned, holding up the container as you entered the room, holding three plastic forks. “If Dr. Dad says it's okay, we can eat it.”

“Dr. Dad desperately needs some sugar,” James nodded his head and closed the book for the time being while you took a seat by Julian’s legs and opened the container, handing each of the boys a fork.

You helped Julian take off his oxygen mask for the time being and placed it off to the side, acutely aware of how his breathing sounded more laboured without it.

James only snuck in a couple bites of the cake before taking the mask from your side and holding it ready in case Julian needed a bit of an extra hand.

Just as he had predicted, after a few bites of cake Julian was noticing a bit of a difficulty to get air into his lungs and James held up the mask to his face, allowing him to take a couple deep breaths.

“What do you think of the cake, Jay?” you asked.

“Really good, just like everytime you make it,” he grinned.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a great birthday, buddy,” James apologized. “I mean with all your friends and classmates.”

“What do you mean?” Julian asked. “I think I had a good birthday.”

“You do?” you frowned curiously, wondering what kind of light he’d seen in the day that you and James as worried parents had somehow missed. “What made it good?”

“We’re sitting eating cake. Together. Just like when I was little,” he said simply and you chewed on the inside of your cheek, looking over at James whose gaze hadn’t left Julian. He almost looked disappointed, at what, you couldn’t place, but at least for the moment Julian was happy and that was all either of you really wanted.

—

You grabbed your purse from the ground and thanked Dr. Liu for all of the information he had given you and assured you’d be there with Julian at the allocated follow-up time you had arranged. You were just about to leave when James came rushing into the room, apologies spewing out of his mouth for being late.

“Late? You missed the whole appointment.”

“I-I did?” he said, looking down at his watch and cursing when he saw the time.

“Jay, sweetheart, why don’t you sit down here,” you moved out of Dr. Liu’s office and set him up on a chair in one of the general waiting areas and handed him his dinosaur book from your purse. “I just need to go have a chat with your dad real quick.”

Julian nodded and opened up the book, flipping through the pages while you grabbed James’ arm and pulled him into a dead-end hallway so you could speak in private.

“What the hell took you so long?” you asked firmly. “We waited for twenty minutes before even starting the appointment!”

“I’m sorry,” James apologized, “I was in the OR with a patient and something went haywire and it took longer than expected to fix it.”

“Still, you couldn’t have told someone to at least pass on a message?”

“I was in the middle of saving a patient’s life! What did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to be there for your son,” you whispered harshly. “You make promises you can’t keep and I have to watch him get disappointed over and over again. He does not deserve that, especially now.”

James placed his hands on his hips and said,

“I am trying to be there, it’s not for lack of effort-,”

“Well try harder!” you threw your hands up in the air. “You’re an ex-husband James, not an ex-father. You don’t have to show up for me anymore, but you damn well better show up for him.”

When he said nothing you continued.

“Believe it or not, you don’t have to work as much as you do James. You chose to do that and right now that’s coming at your son’s expense and he is scared and vulnerable and neither of us know half of what Dr. Liu is talking to us about. Do you know what he said to me when I was confused about the management plan? He said Dad would know what this means. Dad can help us. And he’s right, you would have known and you can help so stop acting like your fucking schedule controls you and get your schedule under control.”

James was quiet for a moment before he nodded his head,

“Okay,” he said simply.

You knew better than to get your hopes up with him and you didn’t have any more energy to argue, so you told him you could talk more later, but right now you were going to take Julian home so he could rest in his own bed and finally open his birthday presents.

“Is dad coming with us?” Julian asked when you picked him up and began walking away to leave the hospital.

“No, not this time,” you shook your head.

“Did you fight with him again?” Julian asked and you pressed your lips together.

“We just had a disagreement,” you settled on. “You can call him later when he’s done work if you want to talk to him, sounds good?”

Julian was content with your answer and left it at that.

Over the next few days, aside from Julian’s call, you didn’t hear much for James and you assumed things were right on track to going back to the way they had always been. You loved your son to pieces, but this was one time you wished his dad would be here to support, working and caring for Julian on top of trying to figure out how to be his at home doctor was already taking its toll and you didn’t know how you’d be able to keep it up.

One night, you were sitting in the living room reading a book Dr. Liu had recommended. It was detailing strategies for parents with children who had cystic fibrosis. In the middle of your chapter you were interrupted by a knock to your door and you put in your bookmark, wondering who was stopping by this far into the evening.

Unlocking the door and opening it, you found it hard to hide the surprise in your face when you saw James on the other end.

“James?” you tilted your head. “I haven’t heard from you at all this week, what’s going on?”

“I reduced my patient load,” he said, “and I talked to Cuddy about reducing my clinic hours. I still have to do some administrative stuff for the department, but it can be done from home for the most part.”

“Oh,” you were surprised to say the least. You didn’t realize your outburst the other day had worked.

“You were right,” he said. “I need to be here for Julian and I can’t do that if my work always comes first.”

You nodded your head, following along with what he was saying.

“C-Can I come in and see him?” James asked. “I know our custody agreement has always been all over the place-,”

You didn’t say anything, simply opening the door wider for him to come inside.

“He’s asleep in his room,” you said. “When you’re done we can talk some more.”

James nodded and stepped inside, slipping off his shoes and taking off his jacket, making his way to Julian’s room to sit with him for a moment before joining you in the kitchen.

“Want something to drink?” you asked and he said some water would be nice. You poured him a glass while waiting for the water to boil for your tea.

“I saw the book you were reading over there,” he pointed to the couch. “Dr. Liu recommended it to me too, I just finished it the other night.”

“Show off,” you rolled your eyes and handed him the glass.

“What I was trying to say is I think something that stood out to me is having consistency and a routine is good, especially when things are new,” James explained. “I don’t think it makes sense for him to be moving back and forth from here to my place.”

“So you think we should have a home base here?” you confirmed and he nodded.

“I can come by more often, if there’s days where you need to be at work I can be doing the administrative stuff here after school and take care of Julian until you get back.”

You pursed your lips and as you heard the kettle click, moved to pour your hot water into the mug you were holding.

“These are all good ideas,” you started.

“I’m assuming there’s a but coming?”

“But I don’t want to give Julian the wrong impression is all.”

James shook his head.

“You really need to pick whatever it is you want,” James crossed his arms over his chest. “First I’m not here enough, I don’t put my family first. Now I’m putting my family first and you’re worried Julian’s going to think this means we’re getting back together.”

“He doesn’t need to get his hopes up for something that’s never going to happen,” you said flatly.

“Have you ever considered having a conversation with him instead of shielding him from every little thing that might hurt him?” James asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Clearly every little thing can hurt him!” you pointed over to his room. “He can’t even breathe without help, James. Maybe he needs to be protected.”

“Stop, just stop,” James ran a hand over his face. “I can’t get into a fight with you every single time we see each other. Julian is just as much my son as he is yours, if this is going to work we need to be able to have a conversation with each other.”

You took a sip of your tea and said,

“Okay, I’m worried Julian might take the fact that you’re around more the wrong way.”

James nodded his head, “I hear you, so maybe we should talk to him about it and say I’m coming around more to lend a hand around the house and help take care of him.”

“Dad? What are you doing here?” as if on cue, Julian had walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes awake and adjusting to the light.

“Julian, where’s your oxygen mask?”

“I don’t wanna wear it mom,” he whined. “I don’t like the way it feels on my face.”

You sighed, having had this conversation at least five times before, you didn’t know what else you could say to convince him.

“Hey buddy, maybe we should listen to mom on this one,” James suggested. “You know that feeling you’ve got right here,” he pointed to his chest. “That’s only gonna get worse if you don’t wear it and we don’t want to have to go to the hospital again, right?”

Julian shook his head and sighed, stomping back over to his room to grab the portable machine and place the tube under his nose and around his ears, allowing him to get the right amount of oxygen.

You looked over at James gratefully and he reached his hand out to yours and gave it a squeeze. It was nice being on the same team even if you had just been arguing.

When Julian came back he repeated his question to his dad who explained that he was here to talk to you about a few things that would be changing soon and that he’d be around more to help look after him.

“If you’re going to be here to help look after me can you stay tonight?” Julian asked. “Mom still has some of your clothes in those boxes in her closet.”

“She does, does she,” James looked over at you.

“It was the stuff you wanted to give away and I never got around to it,” you said. “There’s probably a hoodie and some pyjama pants in there if you want to stay.”

James pressed his lips together and sighed,

“You know buddy as much as I would love to have a sleepover with you I don’t think it’s a good idea if I spend the night here,” James said. “But I can tuck you in again and wait until you fall asleep to go back home.”

“Mom, can you come too?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

James stood up and helped Julian carry his portable oxygen machine back to his bedroom and you trailed behind them, watching as James carefully tucked Julian back under the covers while peppering his face with small kisses, like he would do when Julian was younger and just learning to sleep in his own room.

“Dad that tickles,” Julian giggled and James simply smiled and continued littering his face with kisses.

“Too bad. I love you too much; I just can’t get enough of you.”

“Alright, move it,” you nudged James from the opposite side of the bed and took your turn. “It must tickle having two parents who love you so damn much.”

“It does,” Julian’s laughter died out as you both finally left him alone, sitting on either side of his mattress.

You both wished him a good night and waited as he slowly fell back asleep. When his breathing was steady and his grip loosened on yours and James’ hands you took it as your cue to leave the room.

James placed a hand on your shoulder as you stepped out of the room, prompting you to turn around and face him.

“I’ll come by tomorrow and we can work out a schedule or something, does that sound good?”

You nodded your head,

“Yeah, I have a work thing tomorrow in the evening, I was gonna ask Mahlet, Hennock’s mom, if she could come look after Julian, but if you’re around…”

“I’ll come for dinner and then do the bedtime routine,” he said and you smiled.

“James I’m begging you-,”

“I won’t be late,” he assured. “No surgeries planned and I’m ending my shift with clinic duty.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded your head.

“I’ll see you then,” you patted his arm and he showed himself out.

You walked back to the kitchen grabbing your now lukewarm cup of tea and sitting back on the couch picking up your book and opening it, reading until you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer, falling asleep right there on the couch.

—

Over the next few months, you, James, and Julian had developed some sort of routine around school, work, and doctor’s appointments. A part of you thought you were spending more time together as a family than when you were married.

Today you had to go in for work, also having reduced your hours, but in a way that you were working in tandem with James. When you arrived back home the house smelled like warm spices and big plates of home-cooked food.

You dropped your keys on the entryway table, next to James’ keys and wallet and took off your jacket, hanging it up before coming to the kitchen and seeing Julian and Hennock doing their homework at the island.

“Mr. Wilson, what is the difference between these two words?” Hennock asked, holding up his paper so James could see while cutting some vegetables for a salad.

“I think the first one is the kind of principal in your school that looks after all the students and the other one is… man, that’s hard to describe. Hey, how do you describe what principle is to an eight-year-old?” James asked you.

“I think that kind of principle is something that guides the way people behave or act,” you sat next to Julian and Hennock. “Like a principle is the foundation for something that people believe in.”

Hennock and Julian still looked a little confused by your explanation so you tried to give an example.

“So a principle could be to be kind to everyone we meet and so people who believe in that principle will try to follow it.”

That put it in better terms for them to understand and there was a chorus of oh’s before they looked back down at their papers and scribbled down a few things to answer the questions they were asked.

“They learning about homonyms?” you asked James and he nodded.

“I talked to Mahlet,” James said, changing the topic. “Hennock’s gonna stay for dinner and she’ll come pick him up around seven.”

“Sounds good, it’s always nice to have you, Henny,” you smiled and ruffled your hand through his coarse curly hair in an endearing way.

“Thanks, Mrs. Wilson,” Hennock smiled.

James was now over the stove, stirring what looked like a soup before giving it a taste and figuring something might be missing.

“Can you taste this?” James asked. “I don’t know why, but every time I make it there’s something off.”

You took a spoon and tried a little bit of the broth, looking down to see that he was making matzah ball soup and immediately when you tasted it you knew what was missing.

“I know what it is,” you said. “But you can’t tell your mom I told you. She swore me to secrecy.”

“My mother told you this?” James asked and you nodded.

“When we were getting married she wanted me to know how to make it the way she would for you when you were sick.”

“And she didn’t think to tell her own son how to do this?” he seemed thoroughly offended, but all you could do was laugh.

“It’s tarragon. I don’t think it’s something everyone adds, it was just something special she’d put in hers to make it a little different. Here,” you reached into the spice cupboard and took out a jar of dried tarragon and took a bit of the herb out of the container and crushed it in your hands before sprinkling it into the soup. James mixed it in and gave the broth a minute to soak in the flavour before trying it again and shaking his head.

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!”

“I’ll let you finish having your little meltdown,” you patted his back. “I’m gonna hop in the shower quickly and we can eat when I get out.”

“Did Dad forget the tarragon?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

“Wow, so everyone knew, but me?” James asked and you nodded your head with a shrug.

“Sorry, I guess your mom has favourites, or something.”

“Figures,” James teasingly rolled his eyes and you chuckled, waving him off and going to take a shower and change into something a little more comfortable.

When you came back outside they had migrated to the dining room table, each with a bowl of soup in front of them and a plate of salad. You sat on the same side as James since Julian and Hennock were already sitting next to each other and the boys happily recounted the details of their school day and playdate with you while everyone ate their soup and salad.

“What did you do at work, Dad?” James asked.

“Oh, nothing interesting,” he shook his head. “I think your mom was doing bigger things than me.”

“Bigger than treating people with cancer? You flatter me,” you drank some of your soup’s broth. “I had a meeting with a big company about a building they’re making.”

“Did you go do a site visit?” James asked and you nodded.

“Engineers are being a pain in the butt, keep making me adjust the design, but we’ll see who gets the last laugh.”

“Mom always does,” Julian told Hennock and they chuckled along with James.

After dinner James helped you clear up some of the dishes before heading out and leaving you with the boys. When Mahlet came by to pick Hennock up you invited her in for tea and a little visit.

“Thanks for coming to stay with Julian the other night,” you said after handing her a mug. “For once, I was the late one and James had an emergency come up so it was a huge help.”

“And how are things now, with the co-parenting?”

You took a sip of your tea, “Weirdly good,” you admitted. “We don’t argue as much which is nice and Julian gets to see his dad more.”

“Do you think maybe you’re not fighting because he’s changing?” she asked.

“I don’t wanna go down that path,” you shook your head. “If Jay hadn’t been diagnosed things would still be the same as they always were.”

“But they’re not. More often than not people show their true colours during times of difficulty.”

You took a deep breath and sighed, “If that was the case I would have seen something worth keeping when my marriage was falling apart.”

Mahlet nodded, seeing as you had a point and your conversation was halted as they boys came out of Julian’s room.

Mahlet and Hennock left shortly afterwards and you quickly got Julian ready for bed, tucking him in and then going to get settled yourself. You looked through a few client papers for work before calling it a night and turning off your bedside lamp, curling into bed and falling asleep.

Your sleep was interrupted in the middle of the night by a tapping on your shoulder and when you blinked your eyes open you saw Julian standing next to your bed.

“Jay, sweetheart, is something wrong?” you asked.

“My stomach really hurts,” he told you and you sat up, motioning for him to come sit with you on the bed.

“Where?” you asked, turning on the light and he pointed to the upper right corner of his abdomen. If you remembered correctly that wasn’t exactly where his stomach was and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw the yellowing whites of his eyes. “Oh, sweetheart, I think we have to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital? What happened?” Julian looked worried and you assured him everything would be alright.

“We’re just being safe,” you told him. “I’m gonna call your dad, maybe he can tell us a little bit more of what’s going on. Do you feel good enough to get your jacket and shoes and your hospital bag?”

Julian nodded his head and you gave him a kiss and he went off to grab his things while you did the same, but also taking your cell phone and calling James.

It took a few rings, but he eventually picked up.

“Hey, did something happen?” he asked and you could still hear the sleep thick in his voice.

“I think something’s wrong with Julian. I’m gonna take him to the hospital, can you meet us there?”

“Yeah, of course, I’m on my way.”

“James…the whites of his eyes were yellow. Does he have jaundice?” you asked.

“It’s possible, was there anything else?”

“Yeah, he mentioned stomach pain, but he pointed to like his upper right abdomen, I think,” you explained while grabbing your bag and putting on some socks.

“Makes sense as a liver issue,” you could hear his car starting in the background. “If he’s presenting symptoms now I would call an ambulance.”

“James-,”

“Just trust me,” he said. “Call 911.”

“Okay,” you nodded your head and hung up, calling the emergency services and explaining the situation to them and then to Julian while you waited for them to arrive.

James made the right call, seeing as while you were in the ambulance Julian began to throw up and the paramedics obviously handled it better than you could have if you had driven him.

When you arrived at the ER they wheeled Julian away and you began getting flashbacks to when you first brought him in.

“Where are you taking him?” you called after them, but no one answered you. “What the hell kind of hospital is this?! Where are you taking my son?!”

“Ma’am they're taking your son to do a liver biopsy,” one of the nurses came back and informed you. “We need you to sign this consent form.”

You nodded your head and took the pen from her hand, signing it, but just as you were about to ask her a question she ran off to give them the okay.

You could feel your anger and worry bubbling inside your throat and you wanted to let it out in a scream and you were about to go running after her, but before you could you felt someone grab your wrist and pull you back.

“James let me go,” you said warningly, looking back at your ex-husband.

“No,” he stated just as firmly.

“James-,”

“I am not going to let you do something you’re going to regret,” he said and pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, even when you pushed to get away.

“James, let me go.”

“No,” he repeated and simply held onto you tighter.

“Let me-,” your voice broke and you stopped pushing away. “Please, Jamie, please I just want to see him,” you cried into his shirt and he squeezed you so tight you thought you might get bruises in your arm from the way he was holding you.

“I know, I know,” he whispered. “You brought him here and he’s going to be fine.”

“I can’t do this anymore, James. I can't be his mom and his doctor and they can’t expect me to wait out here while they drag him away and ask me to consent to God knows what.”

James didn’t know what to tell you, instead he just continued to hold you close, rubbing his hands up and down your back, and pressed a soft kiss against your temple.

You wrapped your arms around him and finally let yourself fully sink into his embrace, hating yourself for how much you liked it and how good it made you feel while your son was in some back corner of the ER getting a piece of his liver biopsied.

Eventually James pulled away from you, helping you dry your tears on the sleeve of his sweater and walking with his arm wrapped around you to the waiting area. You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, but it was possible that you had dozed off once or twice against James’ arm, waiting to hear some sort of news from the ER doctor.

“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson?”

Your eyes blinked open when James gently shook you awake.

“That’s us,” he said. “Is Julian okay?”

“Your son has a mild case of cirrhosis,” the doctor explained. “Due to his cystic fibrosis diagnosis we believe this is due to clogging and inflammation in his bile ducts.”

“What does that mean for him? Does he need surgery to fix it?” you asked, fighting back a tired yawn.

“Unfortunately, yes,” the doctor nodded. “It’s good you caught it early, there’s minimal damage to his liver so far and he’s still growing which means his liver is too. We can get him into an OR tomorrow if you consent to the surgery.”

You looked over at James and he nodded his head. You trusted him and told the doctor you would sign the papers as soon as you could see Julian.

“He’s been moved to the pediatric ward for now and Dr. Liu has been informed of the development. He should be in touch with you tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” James said and when the doctor left, he helped you up and you began the walk up to the pediatric ward.

When you arrived a nurse pointed you in the direction of his room and after each pressing a kiss to Julain’s forehead you sat on the seat bench together.

“We should sleep,” James said, but you had a hard time imagining how that would be possible.

“I’m having a hard time working out the logistics,” you admitted.

“Come on, it’ll be just like on the way back from our honeymoon,” he insisted, recalling your extremely delayed flight on the way back from France, causing you to sleep with your head on James’ lap, stretched out along the airport chairs.

You were too tired to argue or try and find another way, so you leaned down and rested your head against his legs, closing your eyes and sighing when you felt his hand rub up and down in long motions along the side of your body. Sleep could not have come quicker.

—

“Mom…Mom, Dad?”

Julian rolled his eyes when he received no answer and grabbed the stuffed animal you had placed next to him when he’d come into the room and threw it at his sleeping parents, nailing his dad in the face.

“Oh, God, mhm, wake up,” James shook you while he raised his hands to rub his face.

“Huh?” you opened your eyes and pushed yourself off of James’ lap. “Oh crap, my back. Remind me not to listen to you when you talk about doing something I did ten years ago.”

“Julian, did you throw Steggy at my face?” James asked, picking up the stuffed animal from where it had fallen on you.

“You weren’t getting up,” Julian shrugged his shoulders.

“Julian,” you chastised and took the dinosaur from James’ hand. “You could have hurt your dad’s important doctor-face,” you joked and rubbed your hand all over James’ face making Julian laugh.

“Okay, okay,” James moved your hand away and gave you a look.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” you yawned and moved from the bench to the side of his bed.

“A little better,” he said. “Did the doctors fix what was wrong?”

“Not yet,” James shook his head and came to sit next to you and placed a hand on Julian’s. “You’re gonna have to go in for surgery today.”

“A surgery?” Julian looked a little nervous. “Like cut me open?”

“It’ll be just a line right here,” James drew it with his finger along Julian’s abdomen. “They’re going to fix a part of you called your bile duct and then sew you right back up and you’ll be good as new.”

“Is it dangerous?” he asked.

You looked over at James, a small note telling him to lie to make him feel better. He didn’t need to know all the details.

“No,” James shook his head. “You’re gonna be fine and your mom and I will be here the whole time.”

“Promise?” Julian whispered.

“Swear on it,” James leaned in towards his son and snuck a kiss to his cheek. “We love you, buddy.”

“I love you guys too.”

Dr. Liu came by a little while later to inform you what time the surgery was scheduled for and he helped make Julian feel a lot better about the procedure. When it was finally time for him to go, you were a nervous wreck, but tried not to let it show for Julian’s sake, instead just pressing a big kiss to his forehead and telling him you’d be waiting for him once he got out.

It only took about fifteen minutes of your pacing to get James to grab onto your arm and make you stop.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in the ground,” he said.

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” you admitted. “If I sit I’m gonna fidget, if I stand I’m going to pace.”

“Then come on, let’s go to my office for a second, grab a coffee and a snack and then we can come back out and wait,” he suggested.

You agreed to his idea so he stood up and you walked side by side to his office, passing House who had some comment about your dishevelled appearance together.

“You’re an interesting man, Greg,” you shook your head at him. “You can’t think of any other reason we might be here?”

House was silent so James explained,

“Julian’s in surgery right now. He’s got cirrhosis.”

“Ah so not a late night ex-wife rendez-vous. Can’t get ‘em right all the time,” he shrugged and you chuckled. “I hope the kid’s alright.”

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you,” you admitted.

He raised his brows and lifted his cane to say goodbye, letting you and James continue your walk to his office.

“House mind that you’re not spending as much time here?” you asked.

“No, he just bothers me more when I am around,” James said while opening the door and letting you inside.

He went towards his desk and pulled out a few packages of snacks tossing you one and you shook your head when you saw the label.

“You still eat these? I thought the FDA recalled them?” you asked sarcastically.

“I’m sorry I have better taste in food than you do,” he said right back.

“Right, this is food,” you chuckled. “And if you have such good taste why didn’t your mom tell you about her secret ingredient?”

“That’s cold,” he pointed to you with a bag of chips in his hand.

“No, it’s true. Just like your dad telling me I was his favourite wife of yours,” you opened the bag James had tossed you.

“Just shut up and eat your snack,” James chuckled and you listened to him, beginning to eat a little something, not realizing how hungry you were until the food made its way to your stomach.

“You got another one of these?” you asked and he nodded, passing it to you when you were finished with the first one.

“Feeling a little better?” James asked and you nodded your head.

“Hey James?” you said, unsure of how you’d gotten to this point, but you were too exhausted to stop yourself from saying it. “I want you to move back in.”

“You want me to do what?” he raised his brows and looked at you stunned.

“I want you to move back in with me and Julian,” you said. “It’s becoming pretty clear to me that it’s safer to have two people around when possible than not and you’re already around all the time now.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked. “I mean you didn’t want to give Julian the wrong idea about us.”

“Our lives changed the second we got that diagnosis. I think we need to change along with everything else.”

You couldn’t believe that just barely twelve hours ago you were telling your friend there was no chance James had changed, but here you were saying things that had proved you had changed. Things you wouldn’t have dreamt of saying a year ago.

“Okay,” James nodded. “I’ll move back in.”

You just silently hoped you wouldn’t regret asking.

Waiting for Julian to get out of surgery was a little easier now that you had some food in your stomach and you decided to wait on coffee until you got the note from the surgeon that everything had gone well.

As James had continued to assure you almost a hundred times, the surgery went fine and before you knew it you were back in Julian’s room watching him sleep off the anaesthetic.

“You know he looks like you when he sleeps,” James said from the bench while you sat on the bed next to Julian.

“He does?”

“Yeah, his nose does that same scrunchy thing when he sniffles and when he snores-,”

“Hey, I only snore when I’m congested,” you said defensively.

“I never minded,” James smiled. “I thought it was cute when you sounded like an old man.”

“Yeah, but you’re not fond of all my old man characteristics,” you turned around to face him, still holding Julian’s hand in yours.

“All your old man characteristics?” James furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You told me I argued like an old man. Stubborn and could only see my own way. And I fought dirty.”

“You sure did,” James nodded. “If you brandishing my mother’s clear favouritism shows anything, it’s definitely that you fight dirty, but I never said I disliked that about you.”

“Really? Near the end I thought there was a lot you disliked about me.”

James shook his head, “No, I was just upset and you were passionate. It wasn’t like my other marriages where things just…fizzled.”

“We did go out with a bang,” you inhaled deeply.

“If it weren’t for Julian… do you think we’d…”

You shook your head.

“No, we probably never would have seen each other again. Another old man trait, I hold a pretty mean grudge.”

James pressed his lips together and looked over at his sleeping son.

“I’m happy we had him,” he said quietly. “Even if we didn’t work out.”

“Me too,” you agreed, looking over at Julian quietly snoring, just like his dad had said. “Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Julian’s nose watching him scrunch it up, making you smile. It was a miracle that two such flawed individuals could make a child so perfect.

—

“Alright, he is asleep, but I do warn you it took some bribery so you’ll have to buy him another dinosaur book to read to him at night,” you walked out of Julian’s room, dusting your hands off like you’d just finished a heavy labour job.

“I’ll run to the bookstore tomorrow,” James nodded and you fell onto the couch next to him and sighing as you sunk into the plush fabric before noticing what he was doing.

“Where did you pull these out of?” you asked with a soft chuckle.

“I was just clearing up the closet in the guest bedroom and I found a box of these,” he picked up the albums. “Look at this one.”

He placed the book of photos on your lap and you smiled seeing as it was Julian’s baby album, filled with small mementos and little notes you and James had made in the margins.

“Oh my God, Mom’s first day home, she looks like an angel,” you read from the side. “And my response: I look like I just got hit by a bus, cut it out.”

“You can still read my chicken scratch writing?” James asked.

“My most useless talent as I like to call it,” you nodded. “You wrote a lot in here.”

“I used to bring it with me to work cause I missed you guys so much,” he admitted. “Made me feel closer to you.”

You read through some of the notes in the book, chuckling a little at some of the written back and forth you had. Eventually you got to the family portraits you’d had taken a few months after Julian was born, smiling softly to yourself.

You remembered the day well, you felt like you hadn’t slept in weeks, James was just getting off of a twelve-hour shift and you were almost late to your appointment with the photographer. You were worried everything was going to look terrible and you’d barely had enough time to do your hair or makeup, but James had silenced your worries with a kiss and assured you the pictures would be fine.

In the end most of them were terrible, but the photographer managed to get two shots, one of you and James smiling down at Julian in your arms and another immediately after where you were looking up and smiling at each other.

“That session was a shitshow,” you recalled and James agreed. “We did get a few nice things out of it though.”

You looked back down at the pile of albums in front of you and noticed a large white one, tucked under a few things and even though nothing good could come of it, you pulled it out from the bottom of the pile, carefully blowing off the dust and turning the first page.

Centerfold, just like you remembered it, was a picture of you and James on your wedding day. You leaned further back into the couch and James scooched in closer to get a look.

You both looked younger in the picture, with that spark of je ne sais quoi in your eyes.

“I told you there was a reason we got married,” he said quietly, his hand brushing the corner of the photo.

“Yeah, we loved each other,” you said. “That was the reason.”

“Same reason we decided to have Julian,” he added.

You could feel your breathing become a little more shallow and a tightness in your chest as James spoke about Julian. You remembered the conversations so clearly, like you’d had them yesterday, caught between happy and passionate kisses while James made some dirty jokes about getting you pregnant.

That was back when he still couldn’t get enough of you. Before things changed and he slowly distanced himself until it felt like it was just you and Julian against the rest of the world, and not the three of you like he had promised all those nights throughout your pregnancy.

You wondered quietly to yourself what had changed? What had become so unbearable that there was distance in the first place? There was never a lack of love on your end which is why this was dangerous.

At least when there was distance you could be angry with him, you could go to bed at night and not remember all the little things that made you love him in the first place. He wasn’t there as a constant reminder that you loved his cooking, or even just your banter together. More importantly, it was giving you new reasons to feel that fluttering feeling in your stomach.

You’d always loved how he’d interact with Julian, but now that you got to see it day in and day out, it made it harder to weigh that against the cons of everything. Most notably, this was the beginning of the end. If you let yourself fall you would both crash and Julian would be caught in the middle once again.

You tried to distract yourself by flipping through the album photos to find some funny old picture of a relative or maybe even an embarrassing moment to tone down whatever it was that looking at that picture was making you feel.

All you could focus on was how in every picture, almost without fail, James was looking over at you. Rarely into the camera along with everyone else. He was enamoured, that was the only word to describe it, and oh how much you missed that look.

You made the mistake of tearing away your gaze from the pictures, looking up at James instead, and for a moment you thought just maybe you saw that same look in his eyes. But no. It couldn’t have been. The dim light of the lamp must have been playing tricks on you.

Finally you closed the album and put it back down, unsure of what feelings might resurface if you opened another one. Your honeymoon, family dinners and pictures were all just reminders of the happy times, not what came after.

James did what you didn’t want to, grabbing another album and sifting through the pages until he found what he was looking for, taking a picture out of its protective sleeve and showing it to you.

“Can I keep this one?” he asked.

You took it from his hands, examining it while your fingers precariously held the edges of the photograph.

It was a silly picture, something you had taken while you were travelling. James got someone to take the camera, but along with snapping a few shots while you were posed with smiles they caught a few candids, most notably, James kissing your cheek while you laughed and tried to squirm out of his grasp.

Your finger gently brushed over the spot on the photo where James’ lips were against your cheek before nodding your head.

“Sure, you can have it,” you handed him back the picture and patted your hands against your legs, preparing to stand up. “I should get to bed.”

“I’ll be out here for a while longer if you need anything.”

You gave him a tight lipped smile and stood up, walking towards your bedroom. When you closed the door behind you, you let out a breath you had been holding and ran a hand across your face.

Maybe Julian was never the one at risk of getting the wrong idea.

—

Waking up in the middle of the night always made you feel uneasy. Especially if Julian was the one waking you up. The chance that you’d have to drive to the hospital or call an ambulance was high and you hated the fear and worry that came along with any possible complications.

Tonight, you woke up on your own accord. Your heart was beating inside your throat and your stomach felt like it was housing a group of persistent butterflies.

You glanced over at the clock and saw the time, flashing in red.

3:07

You took a deep breath trying to steady your heart rate and breathing before peeling away your blanket and kicking your feet over the side of the bed. You grabbed a different pair of pyjamas from your dresser and walked into the washroom, tossing them on the far end of the floor while you stripped down and turned on the water for the shower.

When you stepped inside you hissed initially at the cold, but forced yourself to become fully submerged under the water, closing the curtain behind you. Your muscles clenched as your body adjusted to the temperature, and when the time finally came you let your thoughts and dreams become washed away by the water coming out of the shower head.

You were simply standing there, letting the water fall on your face when you heard the click of the door opening.

“Julian, sweetie,” you sighed, turning around so you could speak. “Maybe you should go to your dad if something’s wrong, I’ll come out in a sec.”

“No need,” you heard a voice that did not belong to your son.

“James? I’m in the shower. What are you doing?” you asked incredulously, feeling the need to cover yourself up even though there was a curtain blocking his view. You felt exposed nonetheless.

“It’s three in the morning, I thought something was wrong, I came to check on you,” he explained.

“And what were you doing up?” you asked.

“Got in late. There was an emergency at the hospital after you guys went to sleep, I dealt with it and just came back.”

You stepped under the running water again, washing the water over your face with your hands.

“So, is everything okay?”

“Peachy,” you said sarcastically, leaning against the wall of the shower.

“Nobody ever says peachy when things are okay,” James pushed further and you sighed, moving to sit down on the floor of the shower, still positioned under the water.

“I just had a dream, that’s all,” you said, watching as the water hit your toes and the ground around you.

“A bad dream?” he asked.

“No, it was more like… déjà vu.”

James sighed, and rubbed his hands on his legs.

“Was it about us?”

He took your silence as a yes.

James didn’t really know what to say, his hands were clasped together as he leaned forward sitting on the bathroom counter.

“You’re not gonna ask what it’s about?” you hugged your knees close to your chest.

“Would you tell me?”

“Maybe…I don’t know,” you mumbled.

There was another moment of silence before James spoke up again,

“What was it about?”

You turned to face the water with your eyes closed again, gathering the courage to speak.

“It started when I told you I was pregnant,” you said softly. “Like the memory replayed in my head, exactly how it happened.”

“I remember that day,” you heard the soft smile in his voice as he spoke. “You took the test at work and when it came back positive you came straight to the hospital to tell me.”

“I was barely two steps inside your office when I blurted it out, you were eating lunch and had that stupid look on your face with a mouth full of sandwich,” you chuckled to yourself.

“I almost choked on that,” James shook his head. “And I just remember running up to you and freaking out.”

“And then when you were done freaking out and everything sunk in you kissed me, and you told me you loved me, and we cried because we made a child. Our love did that.”

You reached forward and turned the shower off, pushing yourself up on your feet and taking a deep breath before pulling back the curtain. You had told him what you were thinking. You couldn’t get any more exposed than that.

James looked stunned for a moment and it didn’t go unnoticed how his eyes raked up and down your figure.

“Get me the robe, would you?” you motioned to the back of the door and he jumped down grabbing the robe and holding it out for you so you could place your arms into the sleeves and wrap the towelled fabric around you, trying it off with the belt.

When you turned your head to look back at James, you could tell at least you’d succeeded in raising his heart rate, much like he was doing for you recently.

You moved to go sit on the closed toilet while James retook his spot on the counter.

“Do you remember when Julian was born?” he whispered.

“I like it was yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been eight years,” you nodded your head.

He was having trouble holding your gaze and you wondered what he was about to say.

“I-I screwed up,” his voice was soft, almost hurt, like it pained him to think about what he had done. “When you were resting afterwards the nurse asked me if we were going to do a newborn screening. We hadn’t talked about it, but you were so tired and it was such a hard labour…” he swallowed thickly, his voice wavering slightly, remembering the birth. It wasn’t easy by any means and James had often thought that the hardest thing he’d ever had to watch was you in that much pain. “I told her we weren’t going to do it. I just didn’t want Julian to leave and h-he looked so perfect I never thought anything could have been wrong with him.”

James took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, “I am a doctor and I didn’t get a newborn screening for my son, what the hell kind of father does that make me?”

“Oddly enough, I think it makes you a good one,” you admitted.

“Even though we could have known about this years before? We could have gotten him treatment, medication, therapies, all sooner?” he looked back at you confused.

“You said it yourself, Jamie. He was perfect for us. Still is.”

James nodded his head and looked forward at the opposite wall. You stood up and walked over towards him, reaching out a hand to gently hold his face, your thumb brushing against his cheek while he looked at you.

“I don’t blame you for this,” you whispered. “I don’t blame you and I don’t think you’re a bad father.”

“I know,” he murmured, “but I do.”

You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, not knowing what other comfort you could offer.

James leaned in a little to your touch, sitting up straighter when it was gone, trying to play it off like he hadn’t been missing it and craving it as much as you.

You were about to say something when you heard a knock on the washroom door, and this time it had to be Julian.

“Mom? Dad, are you in here too?” you could hear his small sounding voice, a little strained and worried so you quickly assured him you were both inside and opened the door.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” you asked, noticing his tear-stained face.

“I just had a bad dream,” he sniffed and wiped his eyes.

You kissed away his tears first before assuring him everything would be fine, you and James were there to take care of him.

“Why don’t you go and lay down on my bed with your Dad?” you suggested. “I’ll get dressed and come join you.”

Julian nodded and made his way over to your bed while you went to quickly speak to James.

“It’ll be good for you. Both of you,” you told him.

“You don’t mind?”

“Just this once.”

James thanked you with a kiss to your cheek and left the adjoining washroom, closing the door behind him and giving you a minute to get changed and deal with anything you needed to before going back to bed.

When you opened the door and came back into your room, you saw James under the covers with Julian pressed close to him, their foreheads resting together while James told him everything was going to be alright and he could go back to sleep.

You slipped in under the covers, sandwiching Julian between you both, letting his back rest against your chest while you pressed a kiss to his hair.

One hand was tucked under your pillow and another was draped over Julian, and your fingers carefully placed over top of James’.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Julian asked his dad.

“Right next to you,” he kissed his nose. “Now try to get some sleep, okay?”

Julian nodded his head and yawned and you whispered a quiet goodnight to bed him and his dad before letting your eyes close, silently smiling when you could feel James’ hand finally hold your own.

—

“You guys, relax, he’s going to be fine,” Mahlet placed a hand on both yours and James’ shoulders while you spewed out your worries. “It’s one night, I have the whole list of things he needs and I’ve taken care of him before, right? It’s just at my house this time so the boys can have a sleepover and you two can have a bit of a break.”

“She’s right,” James sighed. “I’m still worried out of my mind, but she’s right.”

“Mahi, are you sure you don’t want us to come even for a little bit?” you asked.

“Absolutely, if something happens I’ll call an ambulance and then you, but Julian’s been good for months now, he can survive one night away from home,” she assured you.

“Thank you, Mahlet. I’m sure Julian and Hennock will have a great time tonight. Just call us when he’s ready to be picked up tomorrow morning,” James said.

James wrapped his arm around you, giving you a squeeze knowing you were still uneasy about this, but deep down you knew Mahlet was right. The chances of something going wrong at this point were small and you’d had enough time since your last hospital visit to even consider doing something like this.

“You boys ready?” James called and Julian came rushing out of the room with his bag in hand, Hennock following close behind him.

“You have fun tonight, okay?” you bent down and gave Julian a kiss. “And if anything happens or you feel sick, or are having trouble breathing, tell Mahlet, okay?”

“I know, Mom. Dad already told me this like fifteen times,” Julian chuckled.

You looked up at James and he shrugged.

“Alright, well you guys better go before I change my mind,” you crossed your arms over your chest and that was all the permission the boys needed to run off, leaving Mahlet to say goodbye before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

You sighed and turned around, looking at James who had his hands shoved into his pockets.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“I could eat,” you nodded your head.

“Why don’t we make something for dinner together?” he suggested.

You looked at the clock and smiled, “I think we’ve got enough time for pizza, what do you think?”

“I think that’s a great plan,” James agreed. “I can start on the dough and you get the sauce and toppings?”

You gave him a thumbs up before putting your hand out to high-five him, noticing how your fingers so easily intertwined before you walked apart and let go.

James rolled up his sleeves and took off his watch, placing it on the small jewelry tray you kept by the sink for when you were washing dishes, while you went to the fridge and began pulling out all the things that could make good pizza toppings.

Moving to the sink to wash some vegetables, you noticed James’ watch resting there. You didn’t pay much attention when he was wearing it, but now you realized why it looked extra familiar. It was one you had gotten him as an anniversary present after your first year married.

“You still wear that?” you pointed with your eyes to the watch.

“It’s my favourite watch, of course I wear it,” he nodded while portioning the flour into a large bowl.

“Even with that engraving?” you raised a questioning brow.

“Dearest Jamie, Here’s to the first of many happy anniversaries. Love forever, Your Wife,” he recited the engraving back to you.

“I don’t know why you do that to yourself,” you chuckled a little, looking down into the sink.

“Yeah, well why do you still go by Mrs. Wilson?”

“Easier to keep the name than change it again,” you partially lied, it wasn’t the full truth, but it was what you had been telling yourself ever since the divorce was finalized.

James could sense you were lying, but he knew the only way to get you to open up would be to let himself be open with you.

“The watch is my favourite because you gave it to me. Functionally it sucks and it's uncomfortable, but you went out of your way to get me something that looked nice and that’s why I love it.”

You smiled a little to yourself, but kept your head facing the sink and continued to wash the vegetables.

“You’re not going to say anything?” he inquired.

“Do I have to?” you asked.

“That’s normally how a conversation works,” he remarked and you chuckled.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked.

“Honestly, the real reason why you kept your married name,” he said plainly.

You sighed, “It wasn’t a full lie. If I went back to my maiden name Julian and I wouldn’t have the same last name it just makes things complicated and confusing and I didn’t want to deal with it, but,” you added, “I always kind of liked the sound of Mrs. Wilson and even though I was pissed at you all the time I still liked that there was one thing aside from Julian connecting us. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t want to end up like Sam or Bonnie just…detached, like there was barely a trace that you were even there.”

“It’s a fingerprint,” James said. “Mine.”

“Yeah, even though it's small for who we were to each other, it's the fingerprint you left on my life.”

James pressed his lips together and opened his mouth to say something before shutting it and evaluated how he was going to speak,

“Can I ask you something?” he settled on.

“Sure,” you nodded, moving over to the cutting board and placing yourself on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

“Did…Did you ever stop loving me?”

Your smile faltered and James noticed the change in your demeanor, quickly retracting his question.

“You know what, forget I asked,” he shook his head and continued to knead the dough.

There was a moment of silence before you spoke again.

“I didn’t, but I got tired of not being loved back.”

James stopped what he was doing and looked up at you with concern.

“You thought I stopped loving you?” he asked.

“James, I was wife number three. Didn’t take much to connect the dots and see you got tired of me,” you said bluntly. “I wanted to know if I could count on you, and it was starting to feel like maybe I couldn’t. Then the divorce happened and everything after that just made me feel like I was right.”

James chewed on the inside of his cheek and remained silent.

“You didn’t fight for me,” you said quietly. “You fought for joint custody, but you didn’t fight for me. You just…accepted it.”

“I…I didn’t know you wanted me to fight for you.”

“Are you saying you would have?” you asked, unsure of whether or not you wanted to hear his answer.

“I’m saying I thought I didn’t even have a chance,” he admitted.

“So you wouldn’t have,” you clarified for him, beginning to chop the toppings into pieces and separate them into bowls.

He chuckled humourlessly, “I have dated one person since the divorce. I hated it.”

“Why do you have to talk in puzzles, James? Why can’t you just come out and say what you really mean?”

“And then what?” he asked. “We go back to living in the same house. Sleep in separate rooms. Move on now that we know the truth?”

“Say it,” you put the knife down and looked him right in the eyes.

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked, cleaning the dough off his hand. “I’m going to say it and you’re just going to stand there and I have to live with that?”

You walked around the counter and came right up in front of him.

“If you were listening to anything I was saying, you would stop making excuses and say it.”

“Fine!” he threw his hands up in the air. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you. These past few months, even though stressful, have been the happiest I’ve been in so long because I feel like myself again when I’m with you and Julian. Because I feel like your husband, and I feel like a father and I keep kicking myself wondering how I could have been so stupid to lose that.”

“Say it one more time,” you whispered, lifting your hands to hold onto his face. “Please.”

“I love you,” his voice was softer, relieved like after being underwater he could finally breathe again.

You finally pulled him into you, your lips hesitantly resting on his at first, before you found your rhythm again after so long. It was muscle memory, his hands finding the spot they always rested against on your hips, his lips moving in synch with yours, eventually trailing off and finding their favourite spot against your jaw and behind your ear.

“James,” you breathed.

“Jamie,” he mumbled against your skin. “Call me Jamie.”

“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,” you repeated the nickname until he silenced you with another kiss, muffling your voice.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered when you pulled apart, breathing heavily due to your fast beating heart.

You closed your eyes while your forehead rested against his, feeling his nose touch yours, his hands still firmly planted on your hips when your thumbs brushed against his cheeks.

“Jamie?”

James snuck another small kiss at the sound of the nickname.

“Yes, my love.”

“Can I count on you?”

You could feel him nod his head and confirm with a verbal ‘yes’. And even if it turned out to be a lie, at that moment you didn’t care. He had proved to you that it was possible, you could work with that.

“I love you,” you said and kissed his nose and then you said it and kissed him again for good measure. “You told me twice; I tell you twice.”

James moved his hands up from your hips and brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek, a warm smile coming to his face.

And there was that look, the one you thought had vanished over time. His eyes fully transfixed on you with nothing but love and admiration. It didn’t take much to convince yourself you could get used to seeing that look for a long, long time.

TAGLIST —

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