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pokemonispain · 3 years

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Butter’s comprehensive guide to writing visceral emeto/vomiting and nausea. For whump/sickfic and Kink purposes❤

Intro:

So this guide will help when it comes to certain descriptions on writing Emeto, because I’ve seen some people say they want to write it but have no clue where to start or struggle to express the character’s misery or how to even find the right words to describe it.

So this guide will help a lot and is made so that emeto kink and whump writers can use it for writing scenes in general. For the different feelings like Nausea etc I’ll break down what I use when writing emeto, I did find this helpful guide:

https://emetoandotherthings.tumblr.com/post/159951800015/any-chance-you-could-give-us-a-comprehensive-guide

by @emetoandotherthings, but this one I’m making goes into complete depth on everything and is fairly long.

I’ll add the guide tag along with my usual Author's notes and intermission tags for easy access, and provide the link to the post in my pinned post on my Tumblr. Also If you’ve ever had a cold or something similar you can just use much of what you were feeling and thinking then as a reference for other symptoms such as fever, etc, and tweak it for the severity of the character and situation.

So let’s start:

Section 1. Nausea descriptors, build up and sensations:

Nausea, for example, can have many add-on descriptors, depending on the character and its cause, since everyone experiences differently. Words I like to use to describe it as a sensation would be:

Cold, slimy, nagging, annoying,-(words like these are best used when it’s just beginning, or is slowly coming on and growing stronger. It lets the reader know that this is something that bad that the character wants no part of but finds a nuisance more so that an actual issue just yet though.)

Along with nausea comes emotional and physical descriptions associated with an anxious/worried or annoyed character, typically anxious though. For example, they may start glancing around, they may fidget trying to get comfortable, they’d hope it wears off of course/goes away soon. Often since they don’t actually feel really sick at that time they may just ignore it convincing themselves they’re fine. With characters with emetophobia, it can be a bit different though.

For example, the moment they start feeling sick, their anxiety and sense of fear can and often does skyrocket. Some may go to the bathroom immediately spending all day by the toilet, others may try to brush it off and ignore the feeling to desperately keep themselves calm(this later part can also be applied to the dumbass characters whose first instinct is to hide that they’re sick or the ones who are forced to ignore that they’re sick because they have important plans to do) either way that fear and anxiety would be present and would also start feeding into that nausea making it worse.

And either way, that nausea starts growing more present and very much more noticeable which changes the add-on descriptors a bit, for example: nagging, becomes things like churning, which can then be applied to the character's stomach to describe the exact sensation that they’re feeling.

Other good descriptors are: swirling, constant, irritating, cold, slimy.

Typically with descriptors for nausea, I try to use a combination simply to amplify the misery, to let the reader know this is quickly becoming a very big and bad problem for the character experiencing it and that the character dislikes it very much.

At this point, the physical descriptions for the sensations a character is experiencing for their stomach come more into play as well. The worse the nausea gets the more visceral the descriptions get when I write typically.

Words/phrases I typically use to go into detail on a character’s stomach being upset: gurgling, violently churning, roiling, stomach contents curdling/boiling, stomach contents shifting, the meal refusing to settle, the food being heavy in their stomach, growling/snarling, *Sloshing(-this one is one I use with motion sickness often because of the dizziness that often comes with it, it’s also a good descriptors to use if the character has been drinking something or a lot of something before feeling sick if you’ve ever drunk a bit too much water and felt slightly queasy afterwards there you go)

(There’s a lot more but these are just some of my personal favorites to give an example)

The above are mostly descriptions for things happening inside of the stomach so let’s go to descriptors for the outside of the stomach as well and what a character would feel if they were to touch it.

So multiple varieties of words can be used for this section depending on how upset a character’s stomach is and how violent you want it to seem. Good ones I often use are:

writhing, bloated, tight, sensitive, painful.

If they have their hand on their stomach think about what the character would feel, it’s all about playing with sensations and feelings for this section especially. They

may hear their stomach making noise as well so depending on which descriptions you use to describe the activity inside their stomach you can play around with the noise descriptions. For example, gurgling and boiling would have similar sounds, sometimes I do use special descriptors when writing for these, but not always.

Some of these words I used for this section for example are: sickly, thick, harsh, wet.

Section 2: Writing what happens to a character right before they puke, sensations, descriptors, etc

Now to the actual sensation of the character about to puke, here’s where things get a bit more complicated because depending on the character, their instinct, and the situation, etc this can change, but first I’ll break down actions and things that the character may feel using things I personally like including while writing.

First one's first, drooling. I love making characters just drool a lot when their nausea starts reaching a certain level of too much to handle. Depending on how quickly it’s building up/flowing, I use other descriptors that would apply to other liquids like rapid, overflowing, trickling, flood etc.

The drooling can be accompanied by the action of the character swallowing to try to clear it away. When describing this one I always describe it from the character’s perspective but it can also be done using external descriptions.

Good internal descriptions for swallowing, in this case, would be: thickly, quickly, frantically, hard, audibly (gulped can be used as well I just don’t personally)

External descriptions would be describing the actions their throat is doing that those around them perceive in this case descriptors can vary depending on how much attention the person looking at them is giving, but some good ones are: bobbing, bounced, shift, etc.

Another thing I like doing is making them hiccup/burp a lot, descriptors that can be used for this section would change depending on whether they muffle the sound or not:

If they don’t muffle the sound, words that can be used to describe both actions are: sloppy, sickly, loud, rumbling, gurgling and echo, wet(- this is also a good descriptor to use if they burp or hiccup right before throwing up, or as they’re throwing up.)

If they do muffle the sound, good descriptors would be: choked, strangled, muffled(of course), soft, airy, faint.

(Sometimes if I’m having trouble imagining what specific noise I need, I’ll fake hiccup and them cover my mouth or face the way I imagine a character doing so. Which I recommend doing if you still feel like you can’t get right. It’s all about how sound in general travels and volume rather than that specific sound itself.)

Another thing I like to do occasionally is make characters sweat some descriptors I use are: prickling, rolled over, etc.

These descriptions can vary depending on if it’s a cold sweat or a hot sweat/flash so recommend playing around a bit with sensations. The descriptor prickling can work for both though.

Another thing I do very often is make characters go pale as their nausea gets worse, and this paleness typically reaches its peak once they’re actually about to puke. Descriptors I use to describe their complexion before they throw up would be: ashen grey, green-tinged, pale as snow, the color of spoiled milk, etc are all good ones.

The ones I primarily use when a character is about to throw up are: the color/what little color is left draining from their face.

While I often used the term “washed out” to describe their complexion after they’ve thrown up.

Now for small actions descriptors that often happen before someone actually pukes.

Their breathing patterns change. For example: Their breathing may get shuddery, hitch, stutter, slow down or even pick up pace becoming panting. (This one is all preference-based I typically go with shuddering/stuttering or hitching myself because the sense of impending anticipation is just godlike to me.)

The character will start drooling even more right before they throw up as well, and the drool may take on an overly salty or metallic taste. It can also overflow and again if it does think about how a liquid like water travels naturally but just a bit slower because saliva is often thicker.

So I often make it trickle from the corners of their mouth and down their chin. From there think of where it would logically fall, if they’re laying back would it drip on their clothes, leaning forward on a table or floor, etc.

You can also add small details if the drool falls onto stuff like fabric or paper, again it’s like water so the stain would be similar so if you’ve ever spilled water on paper or fabric there you go.

Another thing I like to add is the character trembling often I use descriptors like: shaky or shivering to describe it. But I know there are more out there. This trembling can range from a slight shaking to shivering.

Another thing to note is that their stomach may hurt before they throw up, which I use sometimes depending on the character, if it does, they may clutch at their stomach, or tighten their grip on it a bit almost subconsciously like how someone clutches an injury to try and make it stop hurting a bit.

Another small detail you can include is the character feeling too weak/dizzy due to the nausea getting too intense to actually move or they may feel as if their body is locked up/tensed up suddenly this would be the point of no return.

The character would begin to actually feel bile in the back of their throat more often than not and sometimes even faintly taste it along with their previous meal if they had one.

Good descriptors for this in reference to the sensation of feeling bile in their throat would be: bubbling, boiling, hot, slimy, burning. It’s important to remember that bile is both acidic and hot so try to keep that in mind when writing.

Now for the taste, this one can vary but good general descriptors are: sour, salty, rancid, awful, bitter, poisonous, etc . You can also add the faint taste of whatever they may have eaten beforehand.

Now for the more emotional aspect of what a character feels before they’re about to puke:

They would typically panic and this panic/oh shit feeling would increase depending on the situation they’re in. If they’re by themselves near a toilet then it’s more of an annoyed/irritated feeling or a feeling of “I can’t believe I’m actually sick/got sick” or “I’m going to puke aren’t I?”

If they’re not alone nor near anything they can use to easily throw up in their eyes would frantically start looking for one. They may close their eyes, swallow more frantically in an effort to force back the nausea until they can get to a safer area.

Some characters just close their eyes and try taking deep breaths in and out.

Now for Characters that have emetophobia, it’s very different. They would basically be having a panic attack on top of all of this, crying, absolutely scared, in denial, and wanting to do anything to make this situation stop. For them sometimes being in front of a toilet would be good but also bad, because while a lot of people won’t see them puke it would basically lock-in that fear that this is going to happen no matter.

They would be whimpering, softly pleading, and this fear would only mount as things grow worse and worse for them, some can even faint from said fear which is so good(I’m a slut for characters puking in their sleep so I’ll briefly cover that soon) Throwing up in public or with a lot of people around would be their worst-case scenario.

Section 3: The actual vomiting scene, liquid physics, descriptors etc.

Now on to the best part the actual puke:

So, this is where it gets more complicated but I’ll do my best to break it down frame by frame so bear with me.

There are multiple ways to go about this scene but typically most characters seconds before they throw up will feel it rushing up their throat.

Depending on how forceful it is, the amount, and how sudden it is a few things can happen. They may instinctively put their can over their mouth and just let it flood their mouth trying to contain it, remember vomit is usually a liquid so when you use descriptors for the motions it makes, and where it goes try to think of slow-moving water.

If the character holds it in their mouth, some physical descriptions/things that would happen and that people would notice would be: their cheeks puffing up/bulging outward, the character’s eyes going very wide or squeezing shut(If their eyes are open another character may note that they look horrified/terrified), tears maybe gathering in their eyes, their body tensing up/curling in on itself, their stomach hitching/heaving.

And these are more preference-based but, some other details would be small noises, like the character making a choked gasp, their shoulders hitching because of a retch/gag,

if the character is clutching their stomach as well, they may curl up a bit or feel it heaving/shifting beneath their fingers.

Now if they try to swallow it back and somehow succeed their stomach would without a doubt be hurting even more and the nausea would increase (this particularly is good for characters in a public setting when they get sick, or characters that are emetophobic.) And this is once again preference-based but, it could either immediately come back up or it could instead stay down a bit longer until they’re somewhere a bit more secluded, or if you just want to prolong the misery a bit more.

If they can’t hold it back because it’s just too much and more kept coming up, I often like to add the detail of it leaking through their closed lips/fingers, because the anticipation and sense of impending doom are once again just really good for me. But, if you go this route remember that vomit is a liquid and think about what logically happens when you use a dam with cracks to hold back a ton of water.

In this case, once the vomit breaks through their dam in a sense it would typically spray through their fingers like a firehouse in an arch and go everywhere before the velocity drops and it starts spilling on the floor. Again liquid physics.

If it’s a scenario where it comes up suddenly then this is where it gets a bit more tricky. I often use certain descriptions and phrases that can be applied to the act of the character actively throwing up and think about logically how much would come up. Descriptors I often use would be: small, large, surge, tiny, splatter, trickle, drip.

There are numerous descriptors I like to use as someone is throwing up but commonly use ones like: gurgled out of them, dripped lazily, sprayed, splattered, gushed, etc, because I just really love it when characters burp up the vomit honestly. (SSS-tier)

Now for the actual descriptors of the vomit itself, this heavily varies depending on what the character has eaten or how long it’s been since they have in this case I’ll go through general descriptors as well as which ones apply to which case.

Good General descriptors for actual vomit are: watery, lumpy, *glistening(the glistening is usually from liquid such as bile or drool but can also be used if the vomit is watery in any fashion), thick, smoothie-like, oatmeal-like, chunky, paint-like, runny, thin. There are more because just like you can describe a puddle of liquid in many ways the same applies here. Ones such as watery can be adjusted by putting the words semi or mostly in front of them depending on what the character has drunk or eaten.

Now for which descriptors typically apply to which cases.

Empty stomach or awhile after eating: thin, watery, runny, glistening(of course). Forms a water-like puddle on the floor or surface, if on fabric tends to soak in.

Slightly full/medium or the halfway point: paint like, semi watery usually, glistening. Forms a slightly watery soup-like puddle or a slight pile on a floor or surface.

Full/mostly full(best in my opinion): lumpy, oatmeal-like, smoothie-like, thick, chunky, sticky, glistening. Typically forms a congealing-like pile on a floor or surface.

Special case: Overfilled: in this case when a person throws up because they’ve overindulged or stuffed themselves far beyond their stomach’s capacity everything would typically come up mostly whole and undigested, but would be coated in a film bile and saliva of course so the glistening descriptor can apply here too.

(The above section of the guide can also be used if a character throws up for a while to describe how the vomit looks as their stomach gradually empties itself too.)

So the color of the vomit can be completely preference-based, but if you want to go the more realistic route I recommend thinking about it as working the same way you would mix paint together and taking into account what they ate and how long it’s been since eating to help. If you don’t feel like doing that though go with what you like and you’ll be fine.

Now for other descriptors such as noise and body motions, these can vary. I'll be using general ones along with preference-based ones in my examples.

For body example I prefer to use words like: lurching, shuddering, shaking, tensing, convulsing when describing the actions of heaving and retching themselves, if it’s sudden/violent especially, I often put lurching, or some variation of it because has more force and impact in a sense.

Shuddering and tensing can be used in reference to gagging or actually bringing up the vomit itself, like a full-body shudder as an example.

Another handy detail is to note facial descriptions of the character getting sick, for example, is it so forceful that tears are in their eyes? Is their face pinched in pain? Are their eyes glassy because of the tears? Do they have their mouth fully open? Is there vomit or drool on their face and lips, things like that. Vomiting is a painful and forceful action most of the time so it’s important to keep that in mind.

Now for things like sound descriptions of the vomit as it falls once again, it’s all about how sound travels in general but in this case, the consistency of the vomit needs to be taken into account as well as the force and pace of how it leaves the character's mouth.

For example, very thick vomit falling onto a hardwood floor at a relatively slow/lazy pace would, make more of a plopping noise. If falling onto a soft surface then that noise would decrease in volume becoming more muted and muffled. Once it forms a pile and actually starts falling on top of itself, it would make a wet mushy noise is the best way to describe it kinda like a pile of cold oatmeal falling on the floor.

If it’s coming out fast though or similar to a surge/spray type then the noise would be more like a bunch of water droplets or rain falling onto a surface or like something just tossing a bucket of liquid somewhere, for hard surfaces the splatter is a very heavy wet noise while on soft surfaces it’s more of a muffled wet pitter-patter or splash.

Now for thinner vomit or watery vomit, it’s more of a wet dribbling/trickling noise similar to when you’re just turning on a faucet although if there are any remnants of food it’ll make a slight plopping noise again preference and how liquid works.

For both of its falling in the toilet water, it’ll be a plopping/trickling noise because liquid splashing into liquid.

However, if it’s a trash can or a bag for larger and thicker volumes of vomit there’ll be a rather loud crinkling noise along with a rustling noise this noise decreases of course if the weight of the vomit does as well usually. You can also add the details of the bag sagging with weight as well.

For things like retching and gagging etc, it is completely preference-based of course some good general descriptions for both are: violent, harsh, loud, wet, sloppy, gurgling/rumbling(these last two work in particular for retching and if the person is burping as they throw up. While the descriptor sloppy can be used for all 3, it can also be used to describe hiccups too)

This is another preference detail because commonly how much and how many times a character throws up is directly proportional to how horny I am I won’t lie. However, sometimes I do try to keep it in the realm of realism by remembering how much they may have eaten, etc. it’s preference-based, but again if you want to go a more realistic route you can reference the stomach emptying chart further up in the guide.

Now before we get into the aftermath of the character puking I wanna talk about characters throwing up in their sleep, because it changes a lot of things, being that a lot of the descriptors are external often seen by an outside observer or told by an omniscient 3rd pov narrator. So all the external descriptors I mentioned would apply, but things such as the character feeling nauseous or feeling their stomach churning, etc do not because they can’t feel it.

They may also choke slightly and splutter depending on the position they’re laying in, again the starting position they’re in prefers on preference but I usually prefer their back or side but especially their back, often because I just find that extra little panic the caretaker has when having to roll them on their side adorable beyond belief(makes me grin like an idiot it’s just so cute O/////O)

Section 4: The clean up/aftermath, caretaking, etc

Now for the aftermath:

When a character is finished throwing up they may feel better or may still feel nauseous it depends on the scenario or preference.

Typically though either way they will be exhausted and sore, their throat would feel raw similar to sore throat, their stomach would hurt because the muscles basically just got a workout.

Some characters may even be a bit dazed on top of the exhaustion this would make them a bit slow to respond to certain things they may simply stand there or sit there panting just letting themselves be taken care of.

Another detail you can add in the aftermath is details of how their face looks. Are there tears in their eyes making them look glassy? What taste do they notice in their mouth? (for this last one the descriptors of the bile pre vomiting can be used.) Do they have drool, bile, etc still clinging to and dripping from their mouth/lips?

Another detail you can add based on preference is if they’re letting out muffled burps or small hiccups afterward.

From here it’s easier since you’re just taking care of them or if it’s hurt/no comfort etc just leave them there/make them clean everything themselves for added misery. But some things to note that are preference-based that I’ve noticed make the caretaking part fluffier/more intimate in a sense:

Letting the caretaker gently clean their face. Letting the caretaker stroke their hair or rub their back. Gently cupping their cheek as they clean their face is also adorable.

This can also work with asshole caretakers as well, but they’ll seemingly treat it more like an irritation almost maybe mumbling curses and ‘I told you so’ under their breath. Their touches may be a bit rougher in these instances as well, not like they’re trying to hurt the sick character on purpose but more because they’re so focused on lecturing them and irritated that they’re not paying attention to what they’re doing.

But that’s all I believe, the only other detail I can think of to note at this time that, I didn’t go over is to pay attention to a character’s hair length and if it’s loose or long in certain areas where would go when then lean over to throw up. Long hair is more often than not just held back by the sick character or character taker, usually, people with longer hair carry ponytail holders or hair ties of some kind on them in case they just need to tie it back while outside, etc.

End Notes:

Outside of that though this ends the guide, I hope this helps any writers out there struggling a bit with writing emeto in both a whump or kink since or just writing vomiting and nausea in a visceral sense in general. If so I wish you luck on your writing journey

❤️❤️❤️❤️Butters

#writing guide #authors note #intermission #emetophilia

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pluviophile-imagines · 2 years

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I think I generally agree with what you said on that post, but the issue isn’t well-intended criticism towards someone who welcomed it about their work. the issue is that people will criticize others’ work completely unprompted, and often against a boundary that has been set. there are SO MANY fic writers on here who explicitly state they don’t want criticism, constructive or not, and yet still get it. everyone has the right to an opinion, but they also have the right to keep it to themselves. and that’s often the kinder thing to do.

not to mention the posts that will go around saying stuff like “every fanfic writer NEEDS to do this so that you don’t suck anymore.” that type of tough love, blunt advice may be beneficial to some people, but for others it just really hurts. if that sentence were changed to, “if you want to improve your writing, you should do this,” it would be easier to take or leave, whereas the former feels like someone going “you suck and you need to improve for my personal comfort” straight into your face.

while I think it’s admirable that there are many fic writers who use it as a method of improving their craft, there are just as many who do it purely for fun. they’re happy where they are and don’t care for making it stressful by thinking about improving. does doing a thing purely because it brings you joy lessen the worth of it? I don’t think so.

I’ve mentioned this wrt like. Critique of characterization (specifically people venting about popular “fanon” that doesn’t particularly make sense with a character) but there’s a BIG difference between making posts on one’s own blog or engaging in open discussion on a blog where it’s been invited and critique that hasn’t been asked for. In the case of fanfic, I fully agree that critique of specific works (a particular author or fic) when it hasn’t been asked for or is explicitly crossing a boundary is out of line.

But I would also argue that targeted critique in that manner is more akin to amorphous hate, brought about more often than not by a particular stance against the author. I’ve never read a single author’s work and thought it appropriate to approach them personally, unasked, and give them criticism. I don’t believe anyone does that with genuinely benevolent intent and it isn’t what I’m talking about. When I think of critique wrt fanfic I mean broad community-wide criticism, discussing common trends and dissecting the fandom at large—things like tropes and characterization and overarching writing styles. This is, imo, where the difference in critiquing professional authors and hobbyists lies: in whether or not it is appropriate to give unsolicited criticism to their work individually.

But I truly feel that this community has a bad habit of pushing back aggressively to posts that aren’t directed at any particular person, specifically because they take them as personal attacks when… they’re not. They’re rlly not.

The best “other side” to all of this that I’ve seen is @prettyboykatsuki’s tags here. It’s a bit of a long read but very worth it, I fully agree with everything he said—particularly towards the beginning where he mentioned that fanfic has a low barrier of entry and is subject to a certain level of judgement that other forms of art don’t tend to suffer from, and the end about how we must acknowledge the merit in & effort it takes to get so far in order to encourage people to improve if they so want. But I truly believe all of that can be the case AND my comments about the merit of critique can be true as well. It’s blatant when a criticism is being made because someone is bitter or haughty, yet at the same time a valid critique shouldnt be dismissed solely because of phrasing or because it isn’t positive. It’s the responsibility of both the critic and the critiqued to be civil and respectful, the burden doesn’t lie solely on the critic to sugarcoat everything they say and tiptoe around things so that people won’t take it personally.

Fanfic authors who don’t want to (or cannot, for whatever reason) take it seriously are valid, I never said otherwise and in fact I specifically said that in my post. It doesn’t mean their efforts mean less and it doesn’t mean that their writing holds less worth. However it is therefore on them to respectfully ignore the critique, take action if such things bother them (unfollow blogs that might discuss things like that regularly, block tags, etc), and have the maturity not to take it personally even if it does apply to them, rather than being passive-aggressive or even downright aggressive in response. The choice is theirs but they don’t get to dictate what others post, either. Especially as critique is a valid, thoughtful form of engagement that I and many other authors truly encourage!

#ask.🌧#anon

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gr0vndz3ro · 4 years

Text

Sweet Somethings

(Sweet Nothings Pt.2)NSFW

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, cursing, sugar daddy, daddy kink, size kink (if you squint), slight oral, finger fucking, loss of virginity, praise kink

Word count:6,906

Tag List (permanent): @keigod @dragonhrte @mrs-takami-keigo @fanfic-me-up @gallickingun @royal-after-dark @hawks-senseis @bnhabookclub

Crossed off: Virgin x Veteran

A/N: I’m so surprised with the amount of love I’ve been getting with Sweet Nothings, it’s almost at 1k when I’m posting this and I can’t put into words how shocked I am. I honestly didn’t think anyone would care for it. I love y’all so much so I hope I did you guys proud with this.

Pt.1 Here

One would expect nice things out of a sugar daddy, but that did not mean you were prepared for them. And you were certainly not ready for the luxurious sports car that stood in front of you. Pitch black with orange accents, a monstrous growl emanating from underneath the hood. The nicest car you had ever seen, yet the only thing your brain could focus on was the warmth pressed against you back. The way you could feel Katsuki’s hard pecs through the fabric of both his shirt and your dress was enough to make your thighs press together. What surprised you the most was the way that this man, who was almost a complete stranger to you, was able to control your body with such little effort.

You felt yourself almost let out a whine when he removed himself from behind you, making his way to the passenger side door and opening it for you to make your way inside. Stepping forward, you try to regain what little composure you had, and make your way to the seat, promptly reaching for the buckle when your wrist is stopped by his calloused grip. In confusion, you move your head up to meet eyes with the man attached to the hand now holding onto you.

“Please, what kind of a gentleman would I be if I didn’t buckle the lady’s seat for her. You do take me for a gentleman, don’t you?” The kind smile upon his lips telling a different story from the devious look he was giving you. You nod your head in agreement, not truly trusting your words as you move your hand away to allow him to do what he was wanting. His fingers wrap around the metal clasp and drag it across your body, bringing it closer to the fastener. Yet as he did so, he allowed his hand to graze against your semi exposed thigh. A tingle rushing throughout you at the simple touch. How are such small things affecting you so drastically?

While the drive was fairly quiet, it oddly wasn’t uncomfortable, yet the hand gently placed just above your knee was quickly going to become your undoing. You had given up on trying to figure out where it was the two of you were going soon after you 4th time asking him, only getting excuses in response along the lines of, ‘What’s the fun in you knowing’, ‘That will ruin the surprise’, and many others. So instead, you have resorted to taking in the passing scenery. The tall buildings that passed you by slowly started to thin out until eventually the only buildings you could see were little convenience stores and well kept historical homes. But it got to the point that they too soon left your view and the only thing that laid outside of the glass were the colossal trees that blocked out the sky.

After some time, the vehicle slowed down as it approached a gated fence. Saying it was a gated fence felt like an understatement as it was equal to what you would see guarding the homes of Hollywood celebrities. While nearing the entrance, Katsuki rolls down his window while tilting his head to the camera that was positioned on top of a speaker. Words were exchanged between him and whoever was on the other side of the speaker, and while you couldn’t make out everything the man was saying one phrase caught your attention, “Welcome home sir.” Your brow dips in turmoil as you try to convince yourself that the thoughts that were racing through your mind, were not the reason he was bringing you here. Surely he didn’t think that all the money he had donated meant that he had ownership over you and your body. Because if that was what he was thinking he had another thing coming. Almost sensing your inner dilemma, he let out a chuckle before lightly brushing his thumbs against your knee.

“You have nothing to worry about. I told you I was a gentleman, didn’t I?” The smile that pulled at his lips was enough to calm your anxieties. Your head travels to the window to watch as you pass by more trees. How big was this property? When you realize that the tires beneath you had come to a halt, you turn back to him only to watch as he steps out of the car. After unbuckling your seatbelt, you didn’t even have enough time to reach out for the handle before he was opening your door for you, extending his hand out for you to hold onto as you step out of the vehicle. Your mouth opens to ask him what you're doing here but feel yourself quickly get silenced by the warm presence of his hand on your back and his mouth close to your ear. “It’s a surprise, remember? Trust me, you won't be treated like anything less of the princess you are tonight.” A blush dancing across your face as he interlocks his hand with your own, gently guiding you away from where you were parked.

He led you down a stone path that trailed right along the edge of the small forest, lanterns lighting the way. Smaller trees draped over the path way, shielding you from the slowly setting sun. It wasn’t dark out yet, but the shade that the leaves provided created a cozy aura to the whimsical path. The whole walkway was almost something out of a fairytale. But it almost was fitting with the knight in shining armor on your side. Looking up you watch as his hair just slightly moves with every step he takes. You could tell it had been styled out of his face, but it was almost as if the unruly hair was attempting to fight back the products holding it down. But while you were entranced by the man on your side, you had almost missed the new breeze that swept past you. As the trees start to clear, you turn your head to find yourself shocked. Not because of the chill that was now running down your spine due to the cold wind, or even the gorgeous colors of the setting sun reflecting off of the water. No, instead it was because of the massive yacht that was docked at the pier of this beautiful lake.

Your jaw drops as he takes you toward the pier and closer to this magnificent boat. As you walk along the side you read the S.S. Lady Explosion Murder. It was kept in pristine condition, almost making you wonder if it had ever even been sailed. When he brings the two of you to a halt, you finally manage to bring your eyes away from the boat and look to see that he stopped in front of the stairs that lead onto it. You look up at him to see if you were supposed to go on, to which he responds by extending his free arm and doing a slight bow as if to say ‘after you’. He releases his hold on your hand to allow you to stabilize yourself on the handrail. As you make your way onto the ship, you see a table romantically decorated for two in the middle of the deck. Roses lay in a vase on the center of the table and candles placed strategically around the area to allow for just the right amount of light. Your jaw slightly drops at the lovely table that he had set up, turning back to him, catching his eye in the process.

“Did you do all of this for me?” In genuine shock, since no person had ever gone this all out for you before. He takes a step toward you closing off the distance before lightly grazing your cheek with his hand, tucking the loose stand behind your ear.

“Of course, you deserve nothing less than the best. I would have done more but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so I just thought a nice dinner on the lake would be good for our first date.”

“You sound so confident that there is going to be more, quite the confident one aren’t you?” A slight smirk making its way to your face as you question him. But he quickly steals the smirk away from you as it travels over to him as he speaks again, his voice now a low purr.

“I have plenty of reasons to be confident. If you’re lucky you may find out why.” Your face turning a dark hue at what his words could imply. A chuckle emits from him as he watches you turn red. “You’re so easy to mess with princess, here let’s go and enjoy our nice night.” he once again places his hand on your lower back, guiding you to your chair before promptly pulling out your seat for you. You say a quick thank you to him as he pushes you forward, before making his way to the other side of the table to sit across from you. As you both got seated, you felt the boat start to move as it departed from the dock and started making its way further out on the lake. You couldn’t help but watch the water as it hits the side of the boat, mesmerized in the way the colors of the sky reflected off of it. You turn back away from the view to look at the stunning man in front of you.

“So I’m guessing that this must be your yacht?” You assumed that it was but you were curious to see if you were in fact on his property or not.

“It is, this is just the boat I keep here up here at the lake. It’s not often I’m actually able to come up here and enjoy it as I tend to be a workaholic you could say.”

“I do have to ask then, is there any meaning behind the ‘Lady Explosion Murder’?” A smile on your face as you ask him about the bizarre name. You understood men naming them after women they love for good luck, but you couldn’t imagine anyone being named that. He started to laugh at the memories of how he came across the name.

“Do you know what it is I do for a living?” He asked and it caused you to pause, seeing as you hadn’t actually even thought of it. You shook your head no and waited for him to continue explaining. “So, I’m the CEO for a large weapons and ammunition company. We mostly work with the military and deal with trading in foreign affairs. But when I was in school for my business degree we had to come up with a name for a mock company we worked on for a school project. I wanted to name the company King Explosion Murder then Lord Explosion Murder but the teacher said that both of those were too violent so I eventually ended up picked Ground Zero. When I open my own company I choose the same name I had used back then. But as a little homage to the ‘good ole days’ I decided to name the ship in favor of the rejected names.”

The two of you ended up laughing as he started talking more about his times in high school and you found yourself intrigued at all his stories about him and his childhood friends. He casually was able to switch the conversation over so that it was now on you and as the dinner for the night made its way to the table, you were telling all about your embarrassing memories and the horrible dates you had gone on.

“So you're telling me he tried to kiss you after that?” Bakugou had never laughed so hard in his life, yet it came so easy when he was with you.

“Yes he did! He spilled his entire glass of soda on me, attempted to ‘wipe it off’ and then proceeded to go in tongue first for a kiss at the end of the night. Needless to say I went home alone once again. I was convinced I was doomed and never going to be able to get past a first date with a decent guy let alone get a boyfriend.” A slight chuckle leaving your lips as you reminisce on all the horrible first dates you had been on. He paused in his laughter as your words processed in his brain.

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me you’ve never had a boyfriend? You’ve got to be shitting me. There’s no way.” A light blush covering your cheeks as he stares at you in disbelief. You shrug your shoulders to say that it was true and he shakes his head. “Please tell me that this hasn’t been at least half as bad as any of your last dates with those wanna be’s” You smile as you watch him stand up from his seat and make his way over to where you were, extending his hand so that you could take it once again.

“It has already been a thousand times better, might even let you kiss me at the end,” Bakugou pulled you up from your chair, but since you weren’t expecting the force, you ended up tripping on your feet and landing dead center of his chest. You glance up making eye contact with him, your cheeks heating up once again as a familiar, devilish smirk spreads across his face. He tilts his head down and lowers it just above your ear, allowing his hot breath to fan across your neck as he speaks again.

“It looks like I already have you falling for me love, are you sure I’ll have to wait for the end of the date for that kiss?” As he goes to pull away from your ear, you move your hand to the back of his neck, keeping him there as you speak.

“Good things come to those who wait Mr. Bakugou.” You release his neck and are relieved to see that for once you weren’t the one with a tint of red across your face. Looking over his shoulder you could see that the sun was starting to set and you got excited at the opportunity to watch the sun set on this beautiful boat. “Oooo, let’s go watch the sun set,” A innocent smile on your face, ignoring what you had previously said to him, instead taking his hand and leading him to the railing on the side of the ship, wanting the best possible view of the setting sun. As you stood with your arms resting against the rail, Bakugou’s arms wrap around your frame, securely holding you against it and his warm torso. Resting his chin on the top of your head, you both stay silent as you enjoy the view together.

As you look off into the distance, just enjoying the peaceful quiet out on the lake, it is disturbed by a man walking up to you. He had cleared his throat, startling, only further pushing you against Bakugou’s chest. You could feel his hard pecs through the thin material separating you. As you go to move away from his chest, the grasp of his hand on your waist holds you tightly against him. For the hundredth time that night, your face goes red but with a new reason. Not because of any lewd words, or any innuendoes. Instead it was because of the pressure that was now on your butt. You were almost positive he wasn’t hard and the size of it in this state was enough to make your thighs clench. Just how fucking big is he? Your hips unintentionally rock backwards at the thought. The grip that was on your hip tightens as a light groan emits from his throat at the contact. If you weren’t turned on before, that sinful noise definitely had you soaked. As your thoughts continue going south, the man that had startled you in the first place spoke up.

“Sorry to disturb you sir, but there seems to be a malfunction with the engine. It’s nothing major but we aren’t going to be able to get anyone out here until the morning. I can call for another boat to bring you to shore, but I don’t know how long that will take to get here.” He stood by, awaiting an answer from Katsuki. He slightly steps away from you giving you just enough room to turn around to face him. Once facing him, he asks you,

“Would you like me to call for a boat so you can get back to your hotel? It should only take a few hours hopefully. But if you are tired, you can always stay in one of the bedrooms on board the yacht. It isn’t a problem, there’s multiple bedrooms if that would be an issue.” Looking into his eyes it didn’t seem like he had an ulterior agenda, but instead genuinely seemed to want to make sure you were comfortable, and was willing to make whatever you wanted happen. That thought made a smile cross your lips, as he made you feel safe and comfortable, even only knowing him for a small amount of time.

“I’m alright with just staying on the ship. Don’t stress yourself with ordering a charter boat.” Katsuki returned your smile as he slowly turned away from you to inform the crew member that the two of you would be spending the night on the ship but he was free to call for a charter boat if he wanted to go back home. After the man gave a polite bow to the two of you, he turned around and left to go back to the wheel. Now that the two of you were alone, he turned back to you taking your hand in his once again.

“Did you want to head to bed now? Or would you like for me to show you where your room for the night will be?” You nod your head saying yes, after which he guides you to the undercarriage of the boat. There was what seemed to be a living room and jetting off from the room was a hallway which had 3 doors. His other hand that wasn’t connected with you reached out toward the handle of one of the doors. He twists it open and a large bedroom presents itself. Stepping to the side, he makes enough room to allow you to pass by him to enter the room and explore for yourself. You make your way toward the dresser that was next to the wall before turning around when you hear him speak up again. “I’ll be right back, I’m just going to grab you some clothes for you to sleep in.”

As he exits the room you take the time to examine the room. Your hand runs up the bed, the soft sheets almost calling your name to plop down onto them. But you hold yourself back and instead just sit on the edge of it, almost sinking in as the bed welcomes you in cozy arms. Just as you were about to get lost in the relaxation this mattress was tempting you with, Katsuki walked back into the room, a few clothes in his hand. He placed them on the side table before sitting next to you on the bed.

“I only had some of my clothes in the other room, so I hope you don’t mind but I just grabbed you some of my stuff.” He moved his head to look over at you and paused at how close your faces were. His eye brow slightly raises as his eyes travel down your face before landing on your lips, lingering before returning to meet you stare. His hand ghosted over the side of your body before traveling behind your neck, entangling in your hair at the base of your head. “Did you need help with anything else before I go?” You felt frozen under his lustful stare, unable to get the words out of your mouth as there was a lump in the back of your throat and an intense burn in your core. Swallowing the lump you speak up.

“I think I can think of a thing or two you could help me with.” Slightly leaning your head forward, feeling yourself getting drawn closer to him. But he must have felt the same because you could feel his word fan across your lips as he replied.

“And what would that be, princess?” His voice so smooth it came out almost as a purr. Yet instead of responding you push yourself forward, closing the small distance between the two of you. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, perfectly molding together as if they had been created to only meet one another's lips. Your hand runs up his arm to tangle in his hair, gripping it as you try to drown yourself as the kiss makes you almost lightheaded. His spare hand moves down to your hip, squeezing it before relaxing it. The hand that was buried in your hair grips down, tugging at the strands, making a soft gasp leave your mouth at the pulling sensation. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Bakugou dives his tongue into your mouth, exploring the new area. Your tongues battle before his hold on your hair and hip tightens causing you to submit. Your hands travel down from his hair to his chest before you break away from the kiss by pushing his torso flush against the mattress. As you both attempt to catch your breath your hands make quick work to unbutton his pants, his hand grabbing your wrist before you could continue.

“Hey, I don’t want you to think we have to do anything alright? You pause to look up at him taking in deep breath taking in his appearance. His hair messier now from your hands messing it up. His face coating in a thin tint of red from the heat of the situation. Your eyes start to travel down, looking at how the top few buttons of his shirt had come undone, allowing his collarbone to poke out and letting you catch a glimpse of the chiseled pecs that had yet to leave your mind from the first time you had video called each other. Continuing your exploration, your eyes stop when you reach his pants. the tent in his pants prominent under your devouring stare. Reaching your hand out, you let your hand lightly grasp his member, earning a throaty groan from the man under you. Pulling your bottom lip into your mouth as you slowly palm him through his dress pants. Even semi hard you could feel just how thick he was. Moving your hand, your eyes shoot back up to meet with his, his hooded eyes watching your every move.

“Oh I know. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to do something,” a smile on your face as you separate yourself from him, reaching for the zipper to your dress allowing it to slip past your shoulders and fall to the floor with a soft thud. Strutting your way back to where he was, you connect your hands with his waistband, tugging both his pants and his underwear along with it as you pull them down his muscular thighs. His dick slapping against his abdomen as it is released from its tight confines. Your eyes widen as you feel your jaw slightly drop at the view. Sure you had felt how large it was, but it was nothing in comparison to seeing it in person, right in front of your very eyes. Lowing yourself in front of him, the temptation to lick it was overwhelming as you felt your mouth watering at the sight of it. Taking his length in your hand, you give it a gentle squeeze as you open your mouth, running a long stripe up his length, tracing the pronounced vein that ran underneath of him. You hear him suck in a breath as your tongue flickers over his swollen tip, his hair immediately flying to your hair, needing something to hold onto at the sudden feeling.

“Shit baby girl, don’t mess with me like that.” You would have smirked at the comment but you were preoccupied at the moment. Opening your mouth further you take his head into your mouth, flicking your tongue against him again as you suck on his tip before releasing it while an audible pop. Bringing your head back down you take him into your mouth, relaxing your jaw as you attempt to take him fully into your mouth, almost being successful, but with how big he was it was nearly impossible for you to get him all in. You hold yourself near the base of his dick, tears swelling in your eyes as you try to relax so as to not choke around him. You feel yourself start to gag around him but the low groan that left his mouth made it completely worth it, the sinful sound sending a surge straight to your dripping core. Pulling yourself off of him, you gasp for air as he brushes your hair out of your face.

“Fuck princess, get over here.” He pulls you up to him and connects his lips to you, the kiss much messier than it was before, heated, but amazing to say the least. You break away from him still trying to catch your breath from before.

“Why’d you stop me, I could do a lot more you know.” You walk your fingers across his torso as you give him a playful wink.

“Oh I bet you could, but I’ll be damned if I don’t make you into a sobbing mess before I cum.” You couldn’t hold back the whimper that manages to escape at the thought of him ruining you. “But I bet you’d love that huh princess, want me to make you feel so fucking good.” his lips travel down to your jaw, kissing his way down your neck making it to the dip in your collarbone before licking a strip all the way back to the sweet spot just under your ear. He started moving back down kissing and nibbling as he explored your neck, searching for which spots made you the loudest. That was until he felt himself physically have to pause at your next response, just barely louder than a whisper.

“Yes please daddy...” He groans deeply into, the low pitch sending an electric feeling down your spine and resonating in your core. His hand makes its way to your throat as his finger lightly wraps around it, gently squeezing the sides.

“Say it again. Louder this time.” His fingers pressing into you as you feel a rush going to your head.

“Please daddy, I need you.” He released his grip on your neck and you feel the blood rush to your head. You go to take a deep breath but as you inhale Bakugou grabs you by the waist, flipping you so that he was now inches above you as you're practically pinned to the bed. The very breath you took caught in your throat as he lowered himself to your ear as his deep voice makes chills travel throughout your body.

“What exactly do you need, princess? Come on, I want to hear you use your big girl words.” A whimper involuntarily escaping you.

“I want you to make me feel good. To-- to stuff me with your fingers an- and prep me for your big dick.” Your face a bright shade of red as every drop of confidence you had earlier left with the lewd words he demanded to hear from you. But when you made eye contact with him you could see in the way his eyes darkened and by the smirk on his face that he was satisfied with what you had said. His hands roamed across your body, his rough fingertips slightly scratching you as he looped his fingers in the waistband of your underwear, tugging them down your legs before discarding them across the room. As his hand moves back up to your legs, you press them together at the cold feeling against the newly exposed area. He raised an eyebrow at the action and placed both of his hands on each of your knees.

“Spread them.” Was all he needed to say for you to slowly open your legs, putting yourself completely on display for him. Embarrassed at how exposed you were, you went to cover your face, but that didn’t last for long when you heard him groan as he took the sight of you in. Peeking out from under your arm you watch as he licks his lips as he stares at you, looking as if he was ready to devour you then and there.

“Fuck baby girl, you’re so good, doing exactly what I tell you to do -shit.” He started to talk more to himself as he ran his finger over your entrance, sucking in a breath at just how wet you were. A string of profanities leave his mouth as he dips a finger in after completely coating it in your slick. A whimper leaves your lips at the slight stretch. Slowly pushing himself further in, he curls his finger upwards and brushes it against your spongy wall. Your hips jolt up to try to meet his hand but he is quick to place his hand on your stomach, pressing you to the table making you stop your movements. “I’m going to need you to behave princess or you aren’t going to be getting anything from me, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes daddy..” you take in your lip, hoping that the response you gave him was what he had wanted to hear so that he would continue doing whatever it was that sent that electric surge throughout your body. But when you heard the deep groan come from his throat you knew that was exactly what he had wanted to hear. Slowly he pulls his finger out of you only to push it back into you, enjoying the way you clenched around his digit. After sliding out of you a few more times, you are forced to bite down on your lip as he slips another finger inside of you in a swift movement. Each thrust of his fingers slightly curling up to make sure to press lightly against your g-spot, making a tingle shoot to the tips of your toes. A moan rips from your mouth as he curls his fingers inside of you, pressing against your wall with more force. His pace picks up as the noises coming from you do as well. Just as you start to feel a warm feeling build up, your head shoots up at the sensation of another finger being added into you. You shake your head at him trying to tell him that it was too much but you're silenced as his head dips into the crook of your neck. He leaves a trail of hot kisses all the way from your collar bone to just below your ear before he speaks again.

“You’re doing so good princess, taking my fingers like this- fuck- I know you can take it. I can feel just how close you are. Cum for me baby girl, cum all over Daddy’s fingers.” That was enough to make your body take over in a flood of white bliss as your orgasm soars through you. Your hand gripping his back, nails leaving a trail as you hold onto him. You moan out his name as he speaks in your ear. “Yess fuck baby just like that.” As you come down from your high he pulls away just far enough from you to watch as he pulls his fingers out of you. His fingers dripping as you watch him pull them to his face, his mouth wrapping around them, cleaning them and you feel yourself clench around nothing at the sight alone. His hand travels down from his mouth to your thighs, gently squeezing them before spreading them so that he could be between them. His length pressing against you as he puts each of your legs around his hips. You can feel yourself already getting wet again as his tip rubs against your swollen clit. A smirk on his lips as he watches you squirm against the sheets at the feeling of his length pressed against you. “Do you think you're ready for me? Think you’ll be able to handle it, baby?” He teases you, moving forward so that his head rubs against you again. He continues doing this, loving the way you keep moving your hips in any attempt to earn something more from him. He grabs the sides of your hips, halting your movements, causing you to whine. You try to move again just to get any kind of friction and you hear him suck in through his teeth. “Nuh uh princess, I want to hear you beg for it.”

“Please Katsuki-- god please I need you so bad. I just want you to fill me up. Please daddy, fuck me until I can’t walk.” A chuckle is all you can hear before you feel his hand ghost over your thigh, goosebumps covering you as he travels over your inner thigh to where his length was resting against you.

“Your wish is my command, your highness.” was all you heard before the room was filled with the sounds of your moans as he pushed into you. As he slowly bottoms out inside of you, your hands shoot up his back and bury themselves in his hair, pulling him close to you. The slight pain of him stretching you out causes you to furrow your brow and bite down on your lip. Noticing your pain, Bakugou dips down, connecting his lips with your own, distracting you from the pain you were feeling. His hands lightly massaging your thighs and hips as he finally is able to press against you fully. He stills himself giving you the much needed time to adjust to his size. Even with the preparation he was so much bigger than you had expected. After some time you pull away from the kiss, your eyes meeting his as you take in a shaky breath.

“Please- move.” He gives you a smile before pulling out of you, immediately leaving you feel empty before he pushes himself back into you. He leans forward while keeping a slow pace and kisses away the tear that, unknown to you, managed to escape your eye. Pressing his forehead to yours you watch him close his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing as he sucks in a breath.

“Shit baby, you’re so fucking tight.” You didn’t know if the statement had even been for you as he was so focused on not railing himself into you. You could see on his face the struggle he was going through at the antagonizing slow pace he was holding. Taking a hold of his face you bring his attention back to you.

“You can go faster. I can handle it, just give me all you’ve got.” You watch as a sinister look takes over him as one of his hands removes itself from your hips and is planted down beside your head, his other hand’s grip on your hip tightening.

“You might want to hold on then princess.” You were just barely able to comprehend his words before you feel him pull out of you and quickly slam back into you. Not being able to hold back the moans he was pulling out of you as he repeats this action, burying his dick deep inside of you, each thrust causing his head to crash into your soft, spongy wall. While you had told him to give it his all this isn’t what you had been expecting. The pure pleasure coursing through you as his unforgiving speed and power only seems to increase. You drag your fingers down his back, sure that your nails were breaking through his skin, but at the moment, that was the least of your concerns. You threw your head back against the pillow as you feel him attach himself to your neck, his mouth leaving hot open kisses against you. As one of your hands pulls against his hair, a deep groan rumbles through his throat sending the vibration straight into you as he connects himself to you again, his kisses turning into harsh sucking and nibbles. As he moves down your neck he stops at where it connects with your collar bone when he hears the broken moan that leaves from you. As he licks a stripe up the length of your throat back to his new favorite spot, a chill runs through you and you clench around him.

“Fuuuck baby girl, You keep that up and I’ll have no choice but to fuck you all night long.” You whimper at the thought alone. He continues his brutal pace as your grip in his hair tightens, holding on for dear life as you try to keep up. The way he was slamming into you was unforgiving but you loved it. Each thrust making you stretch around him, barely able to handle his size. You could feel your high coming again, and coming fast. But Bakugou must have noticed as well as the hand that was grasping your hip was now rubbing circles into your clit. The pressure was overwhelming as he also somehow picked up the force as he rams harder into you.

“You’re close, aren’t you, baby? Go ahead, cum for me. I want to hear you scream out who is making you feel this good. Let them all know who’s princess you are.” His hip tilted upwards and mixed with what he said was enough to force you to come undone. You scream out his name as your body is taken over in euphoria. “That’s it, baby girl- fuck,” was the only thing you were able to make out as you feel his paint your walls white. His thrust starts to slow as he helps the two of you ride out your highs.

His head presses against your own as you both attempt to catch your breath, the sounds of your breathless pants were now the only thing filling the room as you feel him soften in you. You feel your body go limp as he pulls himself out of you, feeling incredibly empty. You feel the bed dip as he gets off, heading into the bathroom before returning with a wet cloth. Gently, he cleans away any mess, making sure to be careful when he gets to any sensitive areas. Afterwards he places the towel on the nightstand before sitting back on the bed. Your hands gently run over the raised skin of his back, trying to calm the now irritated skin.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scratch you so bad,” You felt bad for the marks you left on him. But when he encases your face in between his hands and makes you look into his eyes, you feel a wave of relief take over as he speaks.

“Don’t feel bad princess, you are perfectly fine. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me, I may have been a little rougher than I had originally meant. I didn’t hurt you did I?” A look of worry on his face as he realizes he had sort of lost control. But when you smiled at him he felt a little bit of his stress go away.

“It was perfect. It was better than I ever could have imagined. So thank you.” He slightly smiled while his eyebrow cocked at your statement.

“You say that as if you’ve never been fucked properly before.” He chuckled as he pulled you to lay against his torso. Suddenly a wave of nervousness washed over you as you fiddled with your fingers. He looked down at you. “What is it?”

“Well that would require me to have been fucked before...” You felt him freeze under you.

“You’re kidding right?” You avoided his gaze, but his hand gently grabs your chin pulling you to look up at him. “I wish I would have known.”

“Why, would you have been gentler?” You ask him, worried that he regretted it.

“Of course I would have. It’s your first time. I wouldn’t have gone that all out, I would have held back a bit.”

“Well then I’m glad I didn’t say anything because that...” you pause taking a moment to plant a kiss against his lips. “...was amazing.” He smiled against your lips before pulling you into another kiss, this one much slower and filled with emotion than the ones you had shared before.

“I’m glad that you enjoyed it, next time I’m just going to have to make it up to you.” He brushes your hair out of your face.

“Next time?” You question him and a soft smile spreads across his face as he looks into your eyes.

“Of course, I meant it when I said you never have to worry again. You're my princess, and I’m going to make sure to take good care of you, okay?”

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anlian-aishang · 3 years

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I’ve been writing on tumblr for a year - here’s the advice I would have given to myself.

It’s not easy.

It’s not easy, not for anyone. No one would tell you it’s easy, and if they do, they’re not telling the whole truth. Now, is it worth it? I would say 100% absolutely yes!

It’s not a competition.

Can you have a favorite artist? Sure. Can you say that one is definitively better than another? No. Writing is an art. Everyone has their own style, which should be celebrated, not compared.

Of course, it’s nearly impossible to ignore notes, right? It’s a big bold number at the bottom of the post. You get cute little lightning bolts to tell you when you get more notes. In a perfect world, I would advise others to completely ignore notes. In a more realistic sense, I would urge others never to compare notes between themselves and other authors because...

There’s so much randomness - it can’t even be called a fair fight.

And I say this - not as a casual phrase - but as someone who majored in statistics. There are so many levels of randomness on tumblr. Will your followers be asleep, busy, afk when you post? Will it be buried by other things on their dash? Your fic may not show up in tumblr’s tagging system. On the other hand, it might show up in others’ orbits. There is so much randomness, and this is before we even get into the ripple effect of reblogs, it should not be viewed as a competition because it’s not a fair fight.

The fics that you love the most - they might not take off, and the fics that you rush through, they might be the ones that do.

I’m not sure why this phenomenon is. I have a few theories, but nothing that I can say for sure. What I do know, though, is that it is indeed a phenomenon.

There are so many authors I have seen express the same exact sentiment: I spent 5 days on this fic and it got three notes / It’s the fic I have been staying up till 4 AM writing and it turned out to be my least popular fic / 12k words and not even 12 notes.

On the other hand, the fics that you don’t really care about, didn’t try as hard on, spent little time writing and editing, those often are the ones that do surprisingly well.

Like I said, I can’t say for sure why this happens. If I had to guess, I’d say word count is a factor as well as specificity. Okay, so what do I mean by that?

Fics that authors feel so passionate about are likely to be longer. Well, more words demand more time and few are the people who have a ton of time. It’s less of a commitment to read a 600-word drabble than a 10k fic. You can read about 1000 words on a bus ride, but not much more than that. So, quick fics, they’re more likely to be quickly read and quickly liked/reblogged, but of course - the fics we love the most are unlikely to be short.

And specificity. If an author is super enthusiastic about a fic, it’s unlikely to be generic, right? You probably have a very precise vision in mind - something particular you envision, feel, and want to write about. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, if you write this incredible breakup fic, it’s going to thrill those in your audience who love breakup fics, however, it will also isolate those in your audience who don’t like (or even read) breakup fics. This is not to say that you shouldn’t write it! It’s just to say that the more specific a fic is, the more potential it has to detach part of your audience - but also, that potential to really thrill part of your audience.

[NSFW example: To speak more on the point above, think of a particular fetish you have. That one deep down that you’ll probably never speak freely about and maybe won’t even admit to yourself. It’s super rare and not nearly in the realm of vanilla. Now, wouldn’t it be awesome to see a fic about it? It would make your day and then some! Wouldn’t you be so thankful to see that fic? Wouldn’t you be so happy and grateful that the author wrote it? At the same time, though, you wouldn’t expect it to get a ton of notes cause barely anyone has that fetish in the first place. Now, take that same idea and apply it to whatever specific idea you have in mind for your fic. The logic still applies.]

Burn-out is common - so don’t be scared of it!

Seriously, who wouldn’t get burnt out from this? Writing day in and day out, requests stacked on top of each other, so many WIPs and even more ideas, it’s overwhelming to say the least. On top of it all, it’s for free! No one gets paid to do this. In the end, we do this for fun, but oftentimes - it feels more like work without pay.

For many, even when we’re not writing, we’re not on a break - as our minds are still thinking about writing, so that’s even more time spent. There’s also guilt that often accompanies not writing. We think about how long certain requests have been waiting, the events we put on months ago that still aren’t finished, the multichapter fics and their updates. It’s taxing.

So, take a break! I’ve always always always found that this helps. It can be any length of time. It can be one day, three days, a week, a month, a year or more or forever. I would discourage any deadlines for yourself. Don’t say, “I’ll come back to this Wednesday.” You don’t even have to say, “I’ll come back to this when I feel like it.” Just do something else until you feel that spark naturally come back. Detach a little bit. Take a walk, call a friend, draw something, play a video game. When you are itching to write again, it is so much easier and the fics will turn out so much better. When an author wants to write and when they don’t - it’s clear. Give yourself a break, you and your readers will be thankful for it.

Anything that you wrote is more than you ever had to.

Don't feel guilty. That's the first thing. Next, don't feel guilty for anything that you didn't get done, that isn't finished, that you haven't even started. You have volunteered your time to provide others. There is no contract, and even if you told yourself or others that you would write something, of course you don't have to!

It's silly, because this sounds obvious, but it's important to remind ourselves of this: you are not obligated to write a single thing. Remember that anything you have written is more than you ever had to. Don't feel unsatisfied with what you didn't get done, feel proud of yourself for what you did do.

A great writer does not mean a great person.

It’s easy to fall head over heels. In person, it’s hard to find someone that has the exact same interests as you. So, when we do find that person online, we get attached super fast! Finally, we found someone that loves this character as much as I do!

However, this does not mean a friendship, at least, not necessarily a close one. Something might happen that makes you go hmm and question their character. Oh. Maybe they’re homophobic. Oh. Maybe they’re a cyberbully. Oh. Maybe they disagree with me in this way that is unignorable. Oh. Maybe they’re just a bad person? It can feel awful to have the rug swept out from under you, but it’s something that could easily happen. Now, you don’t have to live with your walls up, but just be prepared for that possibility.

You will make some of the best friends you will ever have.

Of all that has happened in my year writing on tumblr, by far the best thing has been the people that I have met. There have been some shitty ones, but I would take ten thousand hateful anons for every single friend that I have made on here. Friends that I talk to every day, friends that check up on me and I on them, friends that send me tiktoks and say “this made me think of you”, friends that play video games with me, friends that send me snapchats, friends that write me stories, even friends that have connected with me on linkedin and facebook XD, friends that would do anything for me and I for them.

These friends will understand you, relate to you, be your friend in a way unlike anyone else. They mean the world to me and I love them with all my heart. If not for tumblr, I never would have met them and I would have missed out on a lot of happiness.

Here, and in all aspects of life, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

You are someone's favorite author. You are someone's best friend. You have a whole community of people, online and in person, who want nothing but the best for you, who are rooting for you, and who are here to help you.

No one gets through anything alone, so don't hesitate to ask for help.

#long post #reference #alias's #writing advice

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emotionallyits2009 · 4 years

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deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :)

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010.

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on.

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

#fic #deancas #destiel

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yourmidnightlover · 4 years

Text

drivers license

Summary: based on this request. i kind of changed it a bit and made it the ‘story behind drivers license’ if that makes sense. the events that lead up to her writing this song in the future.

TW: fluff/angst, a bit of kissing, sad ending, i think that’s it?

WC: 4,349

masterlist

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there was always a certain kind of tenderness when you would return home to visit your dad. you rarely got to do so, especially being on your first national tour. so when any opportunity arose to see him, you took it as a blessing.

your dad had told you about a guy your age he had taken under his wing and began to mentor, you had just never met him. sebastian? samuel? his name escaped you. your dad had just mentioned how he was a little older than you, and a bit different than most people you would meet at the fbi academy.

because of knowing how much your dad liked this boy, it was no surprise that when you were dropped off by the taxi cab you took you saw a guy matching the description your father had given you a while ago.

there he stood, a book in hand as he leaned against the post of your dad’s porch, completely unaware of the world around him. he was engrossed in the book, lost in another place you wondered if he would ever want to show you.

“y/n!” your dad began making his way down the steps of his cabin to greet you. “spencer, why don’t you help her out a bit?”

“oh-uh, ri-right. yes, of course,” he stuttered out before making his way to help you get the remaining bag out of the trunk.

“hi, spencer i assume?” you squinted, extending your had to shake his before remembering what your dad had told you. “oh wait, i’m sorry. you don’t like hand shakes,” you laughed off, retreating your hand and opting to just wipe your palm on your pants.

you finally got a good look at him. his hair was slicked back neatly, almost too neatly for someone in the fbi. his eyes were a bit sunken in, but not in a worrisome way, more in a way that made you wonder what those eyes had seen to make them that way. his nose, an adorable button nose that was a bit upturned at anything beneath him. lips, the doors of breath, the plump pinkness of them as he softly bit the inside of it from... nerves? habit. what words would fall out of them that would engross your being entirely.

he was attractive. maybe in a bit of an unconventional way, but in a way nonetheless.

“th-that’s alright,” he smiled softly as he took both bags from you and began taking them inside of the cabin to the room he knew to be yours.

“dad,” you smiled as you wrapped your arms around him, him returning the favor. “i’ve missed you,” you hummed against his shoulder.

“me too, sweetie. i’m glad your back,” he pulled back, grasping your shoulders firmly. “how long are you staying this time?”

“1 1/2 months,” you smiled. “that’s why there’s so much stuff,” you huffed out a laugh as you motioned to the rest of the taxi, grabbing the remaining two bags only for him to grab them from your hands. “i can carry my own things, y’know.”

“and i want to do something sweet for my daughter. let me live, why don’t ya?” he teased as you both went into your room, spencer following behind after you made it past the living room.

it was similar to how you left it before college. there were pictures of your high school friends you weren’t in touch with anymore, some of you in the marching band and others of you at the lake with a group of people. there were banners of the college you had once wanted to go, now overshadowed by your dreams coming true. your old paintings were displayed on the wall along with some family photos you had taken with stephen. there was your guitar in the corner, along with a keyboard and ukulele you had learned to play when you were little.

“i’m so sorry i’ve deprived you of being sweet to your daughter,” you raised your hands in feigned defeat. “how’ve you been?” you asked, plopping down on the familiar bed.

“i’ve been good. spencer being around has been helping with you not being here,” he replied as he took the seat beside you.

“wow, already replacing me, huh?” you chuckled as you nudged jason with your shoulder gently.

“i’ll let you two get acquainted,” he pat your leg gently before he stood up and left you and spencer in your childhood room.

“i-i would never want to do that. if i’m overstepping i can tota-” spencer got cut off.

“don’t worry, spencer. i was just... playing around, y’know?” you smiled. “i’m glad you’re here to help out with this old man,” you laughed. “i’ve heard a lot about you. you’re pretty impressive, i hope you know that.”

“oh uhm, th-thank you. i think?” he smiled again, taking a seat in the chair at your vanity after turning it towards you.

“you’re welcome, it’s not everyday i meet a doctor that’s under 20,” you chuckled once again. “sorry, i make terrible jokes when i’m nervous,” you looked back down at your hands.

“i think i’ve caught on to that, yes,” he agreed. “why, if i may ask, are you nervous?”

“um, i guess because i’m intimidated by you?” you phrased as a question.

“you’re intimidated by me? ho-wha-why would you be intimidated by me?” he questioned, leaning in closer to your bed in interest.

“well for one, three phds. two, eidetic memory. three, have you looked in the mirror?” you returned the questioning, leaning in to mirror his body language.

“what’s wrong? why would i need to look in the mirror?” he leaned back a bit, looking in the mirror at your vanity and furrowing his brows before you stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

“nothing wrong, spencer. you’re just... attractive, okay?” you chuckled as he settled into your touch. “oh shoot, i’m sorry,” you grimaced as you retracted your hand, surprised when he grasped it firmly.

there was a brief moment, one that made it seem as though maybe he had that same attraction to you. that brief moment held an impact on you. he wasn’t just looking at you. he was looking at you. it seemed like he was committing this moment to his everlasting eidetic memory.

and just like that, it was over. in the blink of an eye that moment was gone.

“s-sorry,” he let go of your hand quickly, you pulled it back to your side, not forgetting the touch of his soft hand, his fingers encasing around gently.

“don’t be, spencer,” you smiled before your dad came back into the room.

you had talked with him throughout the entire night, both your dad and spencer. there were times when you were almost positive he had felt that spark. you thought maybe even your dad noticed it, but nothing was said or done.

after your dad had gone to bed around 2:30 a.m., you had all decided it was too late for spencer to drive back to the academy. so, he would stay the night.

you had wanted to continue your discussion with him about popular study methods, being yet again entranced by his ramblings and the way his hands would motion about nearly anything he could. you were both on the couch, sharing a blanket as you began to doze off to the soothing sound of spencer’s voice.

“sorry, i should stop talking,” he chuckled, his hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly before you grasped his hand with yours.

“no, no it’s not that. please, keep talking,” you smiled before releasing his hand. “your voice is really nice, is all,” you shrugged.

“re-really?” his voice raised three octaves.

“yea, really,” you chuckled. “can you just... keep talking?”

“uhm, y-yea. sure. i can do that,” he smiled as you curled in closer to him. your head rested on his chest as your hand wrapped around his side before your head shot up.

“i’m sorry, i-is this okay? you don’t even like shaking hands and here i am curling into you like i’m a koala. koala’s do that, right? yea sure they do that,” you rambled on.

“it’s alright. there’s more warmth, i think it’s nice,” he said as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling your body closer to his.

“alright, i just wanted to make sure,” you complied, your head resting fully on his chest with no reservations.

“so there were many studies done in the 80s about how writing things multiple times helps the brain with muscle...” spencer trailed on talking, noticing the way your breathing steadied out with the welcoming of sleep.

you didn’t feel the kiss he pressed to your hairline once he was sure you were asleep. you didn’t know that’s the best he’d slept in weeks. you would never know.

the week went on very similar. you would spend most of your time with your dad, and when able to spencer would tag along after he got out of the academy. you found yourself yearning for the times he would come over, and realized that he was the closest friend you’ve had since high school. and it only took two weeks.

two weeks for the bit of attraction to develop into a crush. two weeks for you to realize how sweet and caring and boyfriendy he would be if he was officially yours. but you couldn’t say anything about it yet.

unbeknownst to you, sometime before you had arrived your dad had told spencer about your driving issue, or more like the lack thereof.

“so...” he smiled mischievously. “i heard that you don’t know how to drive yet,” he revealed as you chuckled humorlessly.

“nope. not gonna happen, sir,” you laughed as you rose from the bed, placing your notebook away on your shelf.

“what? why not?!” he argued, remaining on the bed.

“because, spence,” you huffed, turning back around to face him, pressing your back against your shelf. “it’s just... it makes me really anxious.”

“you? scared of something?” he incredulously replied. “no way,” he chuckled.

“hahaha, very funny,” you mocked him as you threw yourself down on the bed beside him. “i’m scared of a lot of things, y’know. i just don’t let people know about it,” you shrugged as you began playing with your fingers.

“why not? it’s normal to be afraid of things,” he replied, laying all the way down beside you.

“really? what’re you scared of then, doctor?” you replied sassily.

“the dark,” he revealed quickly.

“the dark?” you turned your head to face him in confusion.

“mhmm, the dark,” he nodded as he looked down at you, staring into your eyes. “before you ask, it’s because of the inherent absence of light,” he smiled as you rolled your eyes. “but i still go into the dark all the time. metaphorically and physically.”

“it’s easier said than done,” you huffed out as you broke eye contact.

“i’ll be there to help you through it all, y/n,” he reached for your hand and held it in his own. “i promise.”

there’s that feeling again.

“fine!” you groaned. “you win.”

“as i always do,” he grinned smugly before you pressed your palm against his face, shoving it away with a chuckle from the both of you.

the next day, you were both in your dad’s car in the driveway. you were in the driver’s seat, spencer in the passenger side. you pressed on the brake as you switched gears to drive.

“alright, slowly ease off the brake gently,” he guided softly.

“the brakes are really sensitive on most cars, so you don’t need to be too aggressive with it.”

“slow down, jeez!”

“okay, that was a really good stop.”

“not so sharp-” you hit the curb. “...on the turns”

“okay, now pull in... just like that.”

“reverse, brake,”

“put it in park, perfect!”

“how’d i do, coach?” you smiled widely as you removed your hands from the wheel.

“not the worst, but you still need a lot of improvement,” he laughed.

“whatever you say,” you rolled your eyes as you removed the keys from the ignition.

the next few days, you had driven around 20 times. you made simple trips to the grocery store, around the block, and to get food. you and spencer now had a road trip playlist, courtesy of you.

you also had a song you wanted to show him, one that wasn’t out on the radio yet.

so the plan waited. and waited. and waited.

“why don’t you sing us something?” your dad suggested while playing poker yet again, spencer clearly winning so far.

“well that’s a bit random, dad,” you chuckled as you put down your card to fold.

“you should!” spencer agreed eagerly. “please?” he gave you puppy dog eyes.

“fine!” you sighed, getting up to grab your guitar from your room. “just, don’t laugh. it’s a piece i’ve been working on since i got here. i haven’t found the right lyrics yet so bare with me,” you chuckled before beginning to strum.

you didn’t bother playing the lyrics, you knew they would reveal way too much far too fast. for now, the melody would have to do.

“wow, that sounds pretty good, y/n,” your dad applauded along with spencer.

“thank you, thank you all,” you chuckled, taking a bow before returning your guitar to its respective place.

the next day you were driving, you decided to turn the radio on as a change of pace. you sighed as you rested your head on the back of the headrest, just listening to the music play until you heard a familiar sound.

your head shot up, you looked at spencer with wide eyes before turning the radio up just to be sure. sure enough, it was your voice coming from the car radio speakers. your mouth dropped in awe as you froze in your seat, looking at spencer in the eyes.

“wait, this sounds like...” it took him a minute to realize. “this is your voice?!” he asked, his head shooting up with a look similar to yours as you nodded your head eagerly.

he reached over the center console, wrapping his arms around you snugly. you embraced his arms, returning the favor gladly as you swayed to the song.

“that’s the first time i’ve heard it on the radio, spence,” you cheered into his shoulder.

“oh my god, that’s so amazing, y/n,” he pulled back. “i’m so proud of you.”

“thank you,” you smiled.

you were still wrapped in each other’s arms, neither of you wanting to let go of the other, just gazing into your eyes. suddenly, he was leaning in. his hand moved from behind your back to the side of your face, cupping it gently. you leaned in a bit in return.

suddenly, the door to your dad’s cabin shot open as he was shouting:

“you’re on the radio! you’re on the radio!”

you both shot back to your respective places, you gave spencer a small smile before getting out of the car to go celebrate with your dad.

“y/n, i’m so proud of you!” your dad wrapped you in his arms. “congratulations.”

“thank you,” you huffed into his shoulder, breathing in the calming scent of home.

you couldn’t help but wonder what might’ve happened if your dad hadn’t come outside. would he have actually kissed you? you would never know.

the week before you had to leave, you decided to finish writing the song. it wasn’t very hard, you’d written love songs before. but this one had actual meaning behind it. this one was for someone. it was for spencer.

a week before you had to leave your dad had gotten called out on a case, spencer had volunteered to keep you company for the next couple of days. spencer had called you ahead of time to tell you he was on his way.

when he arrived, he seemed a bit off. he wasn’t as... spencer as he normally was. his eyes didn’t light up, his smile was fake and only took up a small portion of his face.

“are you alright?” you asked, closing the door behind him as he entered the house.

“what? oh-yea, yea. i’m fine,” he pulled another fake smile.

“spencer, growing up with a father as a profile taught me a few things. what’s actually wrong?” you pressed as you sat down on the couch, spencer following suit.

“it’s really stupid,” he shrugged.

“i don’t think it’s that stupid if it’s upsetting you,” you replied, scooting closer to him on the couch.

“fine,” he took a deep breath. “so... i’m clearly not as fit or muscular as most of the people in the academy. and i know i’ll be exempt from most of those physical attributes on account of my mind. but-well,” he sighed once more. “the guys there are just so rude about it. th-they laugh at me when we do our workouts. they don’t ever let me finish a thought. they call me chicken legs. it’s just... i’m tired of it. i thought that once i left high school i wouldn’t have to deal with people like them but i’m starting to think there will always be someone with something backhanded or rude to say about me,” he finished.

you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, allowing him to rest his head in the crevice by your shoulder and neck. his arms flew around your waist as you began rubbing light circles on his upper back.

“you’re right,” you broke the silence, not letting him out of your grasp. “there will always be someone with something to say, whether it’s good or bad. but what matters is how you hold yourself after they say something. you could hide away, which may seem like a good idea at the time, or you could ignore them, which seems really hard to do. and it is. but it’s easier as you learn to accept things they say.”

“what does that mean?” he questioned.

“it means, as cliché as it sounds, embrace your differences. if a guy calls you chicken legs say ‘yea, i have chicken legs. but at least my brain isn’t the size of a chicken’s.’” you countered, feeling a laugh against your shoulder. “and you know how much i love it when you talk. your mind amazes me every time i see you, spence. so don’t, please don’t, let them ruin you. you are perfect, just how you are.”

“thank you, y/n,” he pulled back to look you in the eyes. “i-i really needed to hear that.”

“anytime, doctor,” you smiled. “want me to play with your hair?” he nodded enthusiastically, plopping his head down in your lap as you began twirling and twisting his strands in your fingers.

you had managed to finish the song two nights before you had to leave. your dad still hadn’t gotten back from the case, so spencer was still going to hang out with you alone that night. you were going to play it for him.

so when he got back from the academy, you grabbed his hands and led him into the living room.

“alright, i wrote this song, and i wanted to play it for you,” you smiled, playing with your fingers as you sat him down on the couch once more.

“a-alright...” he said with a smile, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“alright,” you ran to your bedroom to get your guitar, racing back to begin playing.

*i actually wrote this song so please be nice lol*

“i wasn’t looking for much

i just came back,

and then i felt your touch

and the way you smiled,

made me think that maybe

this would be worth my while.

because i’m driving off the deep end

swear to god this isn’t right

you should be mine,

i should be yours.

i heard your voice on that night,

the way that you held me tight

in your arms

and i never wanna leave

if it means i have to let you go

i don’t wanna let go.

the next day we were in the car

you made me feel safe inside

then i showed you my guitar

i let you inside my mind

but i’m scared you’ll be the one to say no

the one to go

because i’m driving off the deep end

swear to god this isn’t right

you should be mine,

i should be yours.

i heard your voice on that night,

the way that you held me tight

in your arms

and i never wanna leave

if it means i have to let you go

i don’t wanna let go.

i don’t wanna see you go

don’t wanna be the one

to tell you so

because i can’t take the stress

of whether or not you’ll say yes

because...

i’ve driven off the deep end

swear to god this isn’t right

you should be mine,

i should be yours.

i heard your voice on that night,

the way that you held me tight

in your arms

and i never wanna leave

if it means i have to let you go

i don’t wanna let go.”

you bit your lip as you set the guitar down, taking a seat beside him on the couch slowly.

“that sounded great, y/n! you said you just wrote this? it’s really good!” he replied, a bright smile on his face, clearly unaware of the gravity of the song.

he didn’t understand the song was for him. about him.

“spencer... do you not get it?” you asked, closing your eyes in fear.

“get what? the song was really good, what’s there to get?” he replied.

“it was... the song... nevermind,” you smiled, finally opening your eyes to face him “thank you.”

if he didn’t understand it, you could always tell him later, perhaps.

the last night of your visit, your dad had gotten back from the case and joined you and spencer for dinner.

“so, have you finished that song you were working on, y/n?” your dad asked curiously.

“uhm...” you trailed off, the subject still a bit rocky for you.

“she has! it’s really good, she played it for me the other night,” spencer divulged.

“oh. that’s nice. care to play it once more?” he requested.

“right,” you took a deep breath. “sure, of course i can.”

so, you played it once more. you stayed focused on your strum patterns and the notes as you played.

“wow that was really good! are you thinking of releasing it?” your dad asked.

“well i’d have to talk to my manager about it, but i might,” you shrugged as you took your seat back at the table.

“what’s it about, if you don’t mind me asking,” you dad asked once more. “or... who’s it about?”

“why does it have to be about someone? maybe it’s just abut a feeling,” you sassed.

“well normally you don’t tell a feeling you should be theirs’,” spencer added.

“yea, yea, yea,” you rolled your eyes.

that night, you and spencer fell asleep yet again watching another movie in your bedroom. part of you was surprised your dad allowed spencer and you to get this close... but maybe he knew that he didn’t feel the same for you and your dad knew.

the next morning you finished packing so you could leave. it was a bittersweet moment, truly. you wanted to stay with your dad and spencer but you also wanted to follow your dreams.

you had already bid your goodbyes to your dad before he had to go into work. packing up the last of your bags in your car, because now you felt comfortable driving, you closed the trunk once more.

“y/n?” spencer called you back inside the house.

“yea, spence?”

“i’m going to miss you,” he smiled fondly. “i uhm, i wrote you this letter. and i just... can you read it once you’re on the plane?” he asked as he hadned you the letter, tears filling his eyes at the thought of you leaving.

“of course i can,” you smiled back. “don’t cry, doc. then i’ll cry,” you huffed out a laugh.

“i just, i don’t want you to go,” he replied, not realizing the irony of him saying that.

“i don’t want to go, but i need to do this,” you bit your lip. “i need to follow my dreams. but... i did say goodbye. that song? it was about you, spencer,” you felt the tear leave your eye, drip down your cheek. “i like you a lot, and i just didn’t really know how else to tell you other than writing a song.”

“y/n, i... the song... you want to be with me?” he asked in confusion.

“yea, i do. i really do,” you nodded sorrowfully. “but now i’m leaving and-”

his lips were on yours in an instant. his hands cradled your face like they once were as you sat in the car with him. you hesitated for a second before your arms flew around his neck, welcoming his lips once more. your tongue traced his bottom lip, seeking entrance which he eagerly allowed. it was harmonious, much like the song that brought you two to this moment.

until it was over. you pulled back slowly.

“wow,” you swallowed.

“yea... wow,” he replied not moving his eyes off of yours. “i just... i couldn’t let you leave without doing that at least once.”

“i’m glad you didn’t wait,” you smiled before removing your arms.

“but you’re still leaving...” he remembered, quietly announcing it as though you had forgotten.

“mmhmm,” you nodded your head. “i am...”

“and we can’t be together. because i’m about to graduate from the academy. and be a member of the bau. and i won’t have time for...” he realized with a look of sadness.

“you’re right. i’ll be touring and i barely have time for my dad,” you shrugged.

“so we agree?” spencer added. “this would never work?”

“we agree,” you turned around and started walking towards your car. “this would never work.”

you boarded the plane, fresh tears piercing your eyes as you sat in your seat.

he didn’t want you. he didn’t think you were worth fighting for. he didn’t think you were enough for him. he would rather face death than be with you, want you. he kissed you only to want to leave.

you felt terrible about yourself. part of you hated him. but every part of you couldn’t help but... love him.

but now it’s too late.

taglist:

@greenprisca

#spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid imagine #angst #song writer

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5uptic · 3 years

Text

hey fanfic spotlight again:)

arm candy by amsves (5up/Fundy, general rating, m/m | 300 words)

Summary: The first thing Fundy does after the stream ends is lean over and engulf 5up in his arms.

a chance encounter by mangoedges (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 450 words)

Summary: Who would have thought Apollo would find his soulmate now?

Desecration Smile by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: No summary.

She said to me, Oh Death / Come close my eyes by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve thought the words on his wrist were the coolest thing ever, but they just didn’t make sense. No, really; he even asked 5up–had called him in a possibly drunk state on his twentieth birthday, when a prickling sensation on his arm made him think that he was about to die, 5up, help, and was reminded drily that it was his soulmark, dumbass–and the best his smartest friend (self-proclaimed) could offer was, “Maybe your soulmate’s a poet?” Completely useless. Steve remembered hanging up on him, the click of his mobile cutting off his indignant exclamation. It was only the next day that he looked, properly looked, at his soulmark and tried to make sense of it. Nope. That didn’t work out either; he blamed the hangover. For the longest time ever, he just dismissed it as the universe fucking up. A slash in the middle of a phrase? Ridiculous.

why’d you only call me when you’re high? by LVTO (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: “I miss you,” Steve mumbles through the phone, and his voice has that soft, honest tone that it always does when he’s like this. 5up’s heart clenches. It’s these moments that keep him from leaving like he should’ve done four months ago, these soft-spoken truths that time and time again have him believing that maybe, maybe this time will be different. It never is. or 5up receives a phone call and ponders his life.

jealousy, jealousy by planetwitch (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: 5up and Fundy are best friends and have never crossed that line into something more. Until Fundy gets jealous at 5up's constant admiration for a certain 6 foot tall musician.

mimi's menagerie of the miraculous & the mundane by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a drabble for the word of the day, every day, for 100 days.

5up & Co. Throw Yarn at a Wall (and more) by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 1.3k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Hafu neither confirmed nor denied, instead snatching the half unraveled ball of yarn out of his hands forcefully, a cheshire grin finding its way onto her face. Before 5up could clearly decipher the situation, she flung it at him, smacking him directly in the center of his face. or 5up loves throwing yarn at walls, and everyone else quickly picks it up from him. But in different ways.

Inside My Mind by SilverSprinklez10 (5up/Apollo, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.4k words)

Summary: Soulmates are usually a blessing. But sometimes, a soulmate connection can feel like a curse.

(2021, 190 x 172 cm, oil on canvas) by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.9k words)

Summary: Nobody ever painted anything if they’ve never painted the way 5up closes his eyes when he laughs, how his slender fingers wrap around a new tube of paint, how his smile is all teeth and eye-crinkling. Cabanel’s Fallen Angel has curls, but they aren’t 5up’s, are they? Hyllas, in the nymphs, has fair and delicate hands but 5up’s are prettier, especially when he accidentally squirts paint everywhere and slams his palms on the table and goes “fuck!” Steve cackles until he can’t breathe.

Don't Take Me Tongue-Tied by AoDity, LovelyDayForIt (5up/Sleepy, 5up/Apollo, teen rating, m/m | 2.2k words)

Summary: "Sleepy found the ring by luck, something that matches his lover's graceful beauty that he could still afford. Twisted strands of thin silver with a little shimmering opal in the center, it was perfect." Aka: Sleepy's love for Five brought him heartache. If they try, there's still a chance the two could be happy.

implying that the ferris wheel's your body (and i'd really love admission to it) by homeward_bound (David/Hafu/Steve, mature rating, multi | 2.2k words)

Summary: Steve might be drunk out of his mind, but David's just really hot, okay? [or, steve propositions david, kind of. hafu and dumbdog bear witness to his lapse in judgement.]

mi casa es su casa by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.9k words)

Summary: Apollo's soulmate is cautious. Except, apparently, when it comes to coffee. Because, for the fifth time this week, Apollo wakes up to a burnt tongue. It's annoying. He can't really be mad though, because he has given his soulmate so much worse. The occasional burnt tongue is a meager act of penance, comparatively.

I love you too (I love you too) by some_spooky_shit_right_there (5up/Apollo/Steve, general rating, multi | 3.9k words)

Summary: Apollo comes into 5up's coffee shop. He always gets a cup of coffee and either a bagel or a croissant. He always seems tired, and he never comes in on weekends. Steve would really love to find out just who, exactly, he is.

i'm more fool than wise by 5fu (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steven Suptic is a brilliant crewmate - ask anyone. Okay so don't ask Janet. Or Dk. Or Koji. You know what, don't even ask - it's pretty obvious he is. But when new recruit and stunningly intelligent 5up boards the Crewfu, Steve isn't so sure he can compete. Not that he cares. Totally. Absolutely. On their mission to gather intel on Polus and find out what happened to the previous crew that disappeared from the planet three years earlier, Steve may realize that maybe he was indeed more fool than wise - and maybe it wasn't a bad thing.

i was praying that you and me might end up together by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Four years at Polus University. Four first weeks of school. Two strangers become two friends, and maybe even something more. Apollo hates being seen, hates having attention drawn to him, hates living in a world that feels like a game where everyone knows the rules except him. Steve thrives on attention, purposefully draws the gaze of everyone in the room, making his own rules as he floats through life. They're a match made in hell, but Apollo finds that when Steve looks at him, gives him nothing but attention, he doesn't mind being seen after all.

Long Journey Home by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 9.6k words)

Summary: Homesick and lonesome and I'm feeling kind of blue Feeling kind of blue, boys, feeling kind of blue Homesick and lonesome and I'm feeling kind of blue I'm on my long journey home

there’s so many ways to say “i love you” and i wouldn’t wanna waste ‘em (on someone who, don’t feel it too) by Dear_MaedaysUnwelcomedGhost (5up/Steve, 5up/Hafu, 5up/Ellum, 5up/Kimi, teen rating, multi | 13k words, chaptered)

Summary: Love was a strange thing, 5up found. It was everywhere. And not in the way it may seem. It wasn’t in the adverts of perfect couples with artificial lighting. It wasn’t in the glittery cards made by factories or the flowers sold at grocery stores. Not in the TV shows made to bring in cash and be thrown out, with couples who don’t have anything to hold onto but brief infatuation and physical attraction. But in the friendly smiles of strangers as they pass by. In a mother cutting fruit up for their child. Running a hand through the hair of your partner, as their eyes flutter close and to sleep. Helping a stranger pick up their dropped papers, asking for nothing in return. In the graffiti on the wall by the alleyway you walk by everyday to get to work. To the goods baked by small independent bakeries. Flowers planted in parks to make it just a little nicer, or the ones growing out of pavement cracks with determination.

Also!

GuardianPuppy‘s this city needs to be destroyed or at least painted in a different color collection.

spaded_ace’s Casino in the Sky collection.

5fu’s among all this pain collection.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight #long post #finally a steve/dogfu fic.... come kiss me author

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