#they think jazz is just grieving

[edith-is-a-cat]

Fuck.

I wish I could help.

[deadsetobsessions]

It takes a lot to break a ghost. After all, even death didn’t keep them down for long, not in any way that mattered.

There is, however, a sure fire way to utterly crush a ghost’s core without even touching it.

Find their grave, and defile it.

It is the height of cruelty. It is the ultimate act of disrespect. It is violation, of the deepest kind, an act that can never, ever be allowed to go unpunished.

As Danny stared at the remains of the toppled over rock tower that Tucker and Sam had made for him all those years ago, to honor his death, he wasn’t sure if he could survive this.

——

Please.

Zatanna looked around. The magician knew better than to write off the sound as a trick of her mind.

You have to help him. Please. He’s just a child.

“Who? What’s wrong?” Zatanna asked, heart aching for the grieving whispers of the young voice.

My brother. His grave. It’s been destroyed. Please.

Zatanna’s hair stood on ends. “What’s his name? Where is it?”

Amity Park. His name is Phantom. Please. Hurry.

Her heart skipped a beat. Phantom. The name of the Infinite Realm’s Champion, the future king.

“Shit. I’m on my way. Can you lead me there?”

I can’t. I won’t be here for much longer. Tell him Jazz sent you. Please. Help him. Help him.

“I will.”

When Zatanna portals out of her dressing room, she catches a flash of red hair.

——

“CONSTANTINE!”

“Gah! Zatanna?” John Constantine fell out of his chair, legs slipping from their place propped onto the table.

“Emergency! Infinite Realms level. Someone destroyed Phantom’s grave.”

Constantine scrambled upwards, pulling on his coat as his mind all but bleated like a highland goat at the sound of “Infinite Realms” and “Phantom’s grave.” Destroying a ghost’s grave might destroy the ghost, but if they survive the initial splintering, right before their final death, they’ll explode in a ball of fury. Normally, it would be slightly less of a problem. Normally, it wouldn’t be the most powerful ghost in the Infinite Realms. Normally, this wouldn’t happen. Normally, even if it did, it wouldn’t risk a war none of the universes would win. The Infinite Realms loves prince Phantom. Their grief over this… even if he survives, the consequences would be unimaginable.

“You contact the League. I have to go fix this, right now.”

John doesn’t bother going for his hottle, because he unfortunately needed to do this sober.

“Go, go!”

——

Danny doesn’t turn even as he hears the crunch of grass blades. He sits, staring blankly at what used to be his grave marker.

“Hi, there,” it’s a woman. She sounds sad. Danny understands, because all he feels is a whistling hole where his heart used to be. “Are you Phantom?”

Danny sighs, ice crackling at his lungs. He knows, when this is over, he’ll find it in himself to rage. If he doesn’t shatter from this, he knows he’ll take Amity out. Perhaps he’d spare this one. It’s been a long time since anyone bothered visiting or even knew about his grave.

“Your highness…your sister sent me. Jazz?”

That got Danny’s attention. Glowing green eyes peeked from the curled ball of ghost to stare Zatanna down.

She swallowed.

“She… had red hair?”

“Why are you here?” Why did she send you? He doesn’t say. Zatanna seems to understand anyways.

“To help. Please, will you let me help?”

Danny looks down at the ice freezing her feet to the ground and thinks of the kind set of her eyes, the steel backing her spine, the carefully nonthreatening posture. Yes, Jazz would send this kind of person to help him.

The ice melts.

“Thank you.”

Danny watches as she approaches his destroyed grave. She glances back for his permission. He shrugs. It’s destroyed. Nothing would ever bring it back.

And then, he was proven wrong.

Zatanna’s eyes glow, and the stones began melding itself back together- no, it was reversing the damage and zooming back to its proper place.

“Oh.”

The damage to his core was still there. But… he won’t kill this one at all.

Or her friends, who stand at the edge of the clearing with the soul-torn one standing at the helm.

“Is this… alright, your highness?”

Danny stares at Zatanna. His voice is hoarse but… but it’s not on the verge of insanity anymore.

“Do you always come to graves without an offering?”

He knows he’s being rude. He’s past the point of caring. Zatanna’s response is to pull a bouquet of lilies from behind her back.

——

Phantom’s face is so young, and it’s even younger when he smiles.

“Not always,” Zatanna replies, rolling her eyes. But when she settles the flowers down, they’re gently placed.

“Can you magic clovers around it?” Phantom asks, that note of painful hope cracking her own heart. She wonders how old he was when he died.

“Of course.”

A field of clovers surrounds the rock tower, and Zatanna adds four layers of heavy wards around the area when she grows them. Phantom notices, and looks up at her with… trust.

“I am Zatanna. Your sister, Jazz, sent me.”

“Okay. You can call me Phantom.”

——

“I want their heads.” Danny says.

���We don’t kill.”

“Then hand them over to us, for they have hurt the Great One. They will answer for their crimes.” Frostbite settles a hand on Danny’s shoulder.

“Alright.”

“Constantine.”

Constantine somehow manages to drag Batman away to hiss in his ears.

“Shit in a hole, Batsy, I’m not fucking with the Infinite Realms. My demons won’t fuck with the Infinite Realms. Destroying a ghost’s grave is an act of war, and an act of complete violation, and we’re lucky Phantom liked Zee enough not to completely bring ruin to our universe. So shut up, and get the bastards that did this.”

“Hm.”

——

Zatanna sits in the visitors chair, Batman’s and Constantine’s disgruntled selves standing behind her.

“How old are you, Phantom?”

“Hm?” The future King looks exhausted, understandably. “Oh, sixteen.”

“You’re… sixteen? That’s how old you look, right?”

She’s hoping that he’s older, that he’s a millennia and a half years old. Because if he wasn’t, whoever broke Phantom’s grave, broke the grave of a child.

“No, I’m sixteen. My body looks fourteen. I died when I was fourteen.”

Constantine swears.

Batman straightens and walks out, fists clenched.

Zatanna eases the hum of hunting magic at her finger tips and smiles at Phantom until he sleeps.

Then, she gets up, and hunts.

[hiramaris]

Kiss it Off Me

CHAPTER 6

Chapter Summary:

"You were avoiding me." Haley finally said, and she commended her voice from not shaking. "You don't want to dance with me." "I..." You seemed taken aback by Haley's observation. "I wasn't..."

Pairings: Haley x Fem!farmer

Disclaimer:  I do not own Stardew Valley or any of the related characters. Stardew Valley is created by and owned by ConcernedApe. This fanfiction is intended for entertainment only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of the original Stardew Valley story belong to ConcernedApe.

Warning: none i think?

Notes:

The most awaited Flower Festival. Buckle up, simps.

Spring 24

Four days.

For freaking days since you had abruptly decided to avoid her.

And yes, she's definitely counting it. 

What she didn't get is why? Why the sudden aversion?

Haley had tried to rack her brain for any reason, just anything but she couldn't find any. She tried to recall the events that night.

Haley took you home from the saloon because your ass was so drunk you couldn't even stand on your own feet without tripping.

And then there's... that.

With a heavy sigh, Haley placed her white dress for the flower dance on her bed.

She should have been excitedly preparing for the upcoming dance, but the stupid farmer had been occupying her mind today.

Even yesterday.

And even the day before that, and the day after that. 

After your sudden declaration of 'feelings?' (yes, she's questioning because what the hell does that mean?), Haley had found herself speechless for the umpteenth time that night.

She couldn't find her voice, or rather, she didn't know how to respond to that. Fortunately, before she could, you shook your head as if you had said something silly.

Your moment of soberness dissipated completely as you slumped back to Haley. You had been a bit cooperative after that as both of you were able to go to your farm without any further hitch.

Haley was all but familiar with your farm. She had occasionally taken her pictures here when Old Railey was alive. She was fond of him.

He was kind and he kind of reminded her of her grandma. When he died, there was a large part of Haley that still grieves for him until now. Which is maybe why she was a bit apprehensive at you when she first came. At Haley's little time at Pelican town, she knew how much Old Railey sacrificed for the farm, to see it run down like that and be given to a complete stranger— a city girl no less, never mind you're his granddaughter.

But as she stood at the entrance of the farm, with the same farmer she loathed beside her, she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride as she saw the state of the farm for the first time since you moved here. 

The once-overgrown grass and unruly weeds that had taken over the farm were now perfectly tamed. A neatly constructed wooden path led towards what Haley assumed was your cabin.

Despite the darkness surrounding her, she could spot a variety of spring crops flourishing in the distance. Blue jazz, cauliflower, green beans, parsnips, and many others were thriving under your care. While there were still renovations to be done, Haley couldn't help but be impressed by how well you were doing. As if you're really meant for farming.  

The cabin looks freshly renovated, too. Last time she heard it was a bit crusty and on the verge of collapsing.

As Haley stepped into your home, she was greeted by a small ginger cat. The feline locked eyes with her for a moment, assessing her presence before realizing she meant no harm and had come with her owner.

Sensing Haley's intention, the cat let out a loud meow, leading her towards a closed door on the right, which she assumed to be your room.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Haley had managed to settle you on the bed and was ready to head home herself. However, it appeared that you had other plans.

You suddenly sat up straight and grabbed her hand as if sensing Haley was about to leave.

Haley looked at you, waiting expectantly.

And then it happened.

There's vomit.

It was everywhere—on Haley's pajamas, the blankets, and even your own shirt.

Haley wanted to scream in frustration, but worry had won over her disgust as she heard you have a coughing fit. She gently shook your shoulders, trying to get your attention.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern lacing her words.

"I'm..." you coughed, voice strained, "my head hurts..."

And that's the sole reason Haley has to borrow some set of clothes from the farmer's wardrobe, change the bed sheets and blankets—

And...

Change your clothes.

The memory made Haley's cheeks burn with embarrassment, but she had no other choice. There was no way she could sleep beside you with vomit-stained sheets, and you smelling like that.

Haley's face flushed with embarrassment as a sudden realization hit her like a ton of Emily's hippie rocks.

Oh...

There's also one bed. You and her slept on the same bed.

So, it kinda makes sense now.

Why in Yoba's name has she just realized this now?

No wonder Emily had given her a funny look earlier when she had returned that morning wearing obviously your varsity shirt.

Haley had also completely missed the bright, bold letters spelling out "L/N" stitched on the back of the shirt, which is also why Penny couldn't look at her in the eyes when they crossed paths that morning when the redhead decided to visit you at the farm to check on you.

Yoba.

They must have thought that you and her had slept together.

And maybe you thought that, too as well.

The thought made Haley cringe and she facepalmed at the awkwardness of the situation.

It certainly didn't help that you couldn't remember anything from that night after your eighth bottle.

And to add to the mix-up, you had to wake up with a hangover and everything and seeing Haley casually cooking breakfast in your house while wearing your shirt.

It was practically a neon signboard pointing at her as if saying "hey, last night was an absolute blast, why don't I make you some breakfast while I'm here?" 

Just great.

This is an absolute disaster.

****

"Is she joining the dance?" Haley wondered aloud, her eyes fixed on you who was engaged in a conversation with Penny, Maru, and Harvey.

"Hmm?" Alex paused in his fidgeting, adjusting his suit that had somehow grown on him. He followed Haley's gaze and spotted you amidst the group. "Oh, you mean Old Mac? I don't think so."

Haley turned to him with furrowed eyebrows," Old Mac? What's with you and all these people calling her all sorts of names? Why can't you just call her Y/n and stick with it?"

"Whoa, slow down, cowgirl." Alex barked out a laugh at her sudden outburst. "What's got your panties in a twist?" 

"Nothing!" Haley replied, trying to brush off her frustration. Deep down, though, the different names people used for you bothered her more than she cared to admit.

And the worst of it all is she doesn't know why she's pissed.

She turned away as she began pacing back and forth in the middle of the performance area.

She needs to practice her moves. Despite being crowned the flower queen for five consecutive years and having the dance steps etched into her muscle memory, she didn't want to be so full of herself.

But in reality, she was just trying her absolute best to not let her eyes settle on someone who wasn't even looking her way. 

Which she have found to be a challenge.

You looked dashing, if Haley would dare admit that aloud.

But with whom? 

Your hair is down too in its slick, natural wave, which you usually tied up in a messy ponytail.

You looked pretty similar to the way you looked when you first arrived in the town though you forgo the black slacks in exchange of a more brighter blue one, the same shade of the ridiculous suits the men wore for the dance which have made her assume you'll be dancing as well.

Usually, there are already designated partners for the dance and it would be quite impossible for you to learn the steps in just a month. 

Maybe Penny? Leah? Or that weirdo that dyes her head blue all the time? She assumed you were close with her when you dominated all the eggs Abigail was after which earned the kids to win during the egg festival. 

Whatever.

Why would she care anyway? You weren't even looking in her direction. Not even noticing that Haley did her hair differently or that she had chosen to apply a more natural make-up because you told her she's pretty enough without them.

"Ah!" 

The sound of cry from Alex had made her dash towards his place in alarm.

Sam was immediate to his side, along with the other townspeople. "What happened?" she asked in urgent.

"Sorry, pal. I may have thrown it a bit too far." Sam scratched his neck in shame.

"Samson!" Jodi angrily admonished her son. "Look just what you did!"

"Ow..." Alex grunted as he tried to reach for his foot. "I think I broke my ankle." 

"Can you stand?" You questioned as you helped him up. "Why'd you even bring your grid ball here?"

"H-hah. I can but I don't think I can walk it off. Hey, gramps. Mind if I borrow your wheels?" He tried to joke it off.

"Alexander!" Evelyn wasn't pleased with ay all with his humor.

"Heh, I'll give you this if I could go back home and watch TV."

"George! Don't even encourage him."

"Ehem," Mayor Lewis cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the crowd. "The festival is about to begin in five minutes. Will you be able to dance, young man?"

"I don't think so." Alex immediately answered, causing Haley to snap her head towards him in disbelief.

"What do you mean you can't?" she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "How am I supposed to dance without a partner?"

She knew it was a selfish question but how can he be so stupid bringing his ball with him?!

A mischievous grin spread across Alex's lips as he pulled you closer, resting his hand on your shoulders. "Old Mac here can replace me. I already taught her the moves."

"What?" you choked, eyebrows raising so far it hid behind your bangs. "I don't..."

"You got this. There's no need to worry. In fact," he shrugged off his coat and handed it over to your shaking hands. "It doesn't fit me anymore. It'll probably suit you better."

"B-but..." 

"Wouldn't it be better if Sam takes your place since he's already familiar with the dance?" Penny tentatively suggested as she eyed Haley. "I know how much winning the crown means to you, Haley. It might be best for Sam to step in for Alex, considering it was his fault too." She glanced apologetically at Sam. "Sorry, Sam. I can dance with Y/n/n instead."

"Um, no," Alex dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. "Haley feels more comfortable dancing with Old Mac. That's more important." 

"W-wait a second," Haley finally found her voice, her gaze still avoiding the person standing beside her. She could feel your eyes on her, and Haley wasn't ready just yet to see the look of refusal from your eyes. "Can't we get a say in this?!" 

"Nope!" Alex chirped.

"Very well, then," Mayor Lewis interjected, clapping his hands together. "Let the festival begin!"

****

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," Haley whispered, her hands trembling slightly as they held onto your neck. Her palms had grown clammy, and her racing heart seemed to drown out the lively rhythm of the music.

"Huh?"

Your voice held a hint of confusion, drawing Haley's gaze away from the ground to meet a pair of captivating gray eyes. The faintest tinge of pink colored your cheeks and your eyes struggled to hold steady.

You looked... bashful.

It also did not miss her how the hands securely wrapped around her waist were shaking as well.

"You were avoiding me." Haley finally said, and she commended her voice for not squeaking. "You don't want to dance with me."

"I..." You seemed taken aback by Haley's observation. "I wasn't..."

"Could've fooled me," Haley muttered under her breath as you gracefully twirled her around and pulled her back into your arms.

Despite the thick tension between you two, it looked like you really did actually perfected your moves and were able to dance in sync with Haley's.

"You wanted to dance with Penny, don't you?" She almost sounded accusatory.

"I don't." Your answer was swift. "I don't want to dance with anyone but you. And I wasn't avoiding you."

Haley avoided your gaze. "Where were you then? I haven't seen you in days. You haven't visited us for breakfast." Her grip on your coat tightened as she looked up from the taller woman. "If it was because of what happened that day, nothing happened, okay?"

As you twirled her once more, your bodies drew closer, so close that she could also see bits of hazel from your gray eyes.

Your cheeks burned once more as you muttered, "It's not that."

"Tell me," Haley demanded.

"I was out mining." You admitted sheepishly. "And maybe I was kind of avoiding you..." Your eyes started cringing at the glare Haley was giving you. "I was embarrassed that I puked on you. Alex told me it was your self-care day and... I know I ruined it for you. And now I ruined your dance."

Haley's gaze softened drastically. "Idiot," she mutters, her arms finally relaxing against your shoulder. "You haven't ruined anything." She told you simply.

"Yet," you added, chuckling.

As the tension dissipates, you grow a little bolder as your hands relaxed around her waist, pulling Haley a little tighter against you. The warmth radiating from your palms gave Haley a profound sense of security, one she haven't felt for a long, long time.

"You know," Haley whispered against your neck, relaxing against your embrace. She didn't care if this wasn't part of the choreography. "You smell good today."

She felt you smiled against her hair, "Had to smell my best for my queen, right?"

****

Next

Notes:

Spring's finally over! Summer here we come! Question though. Is my pacing fast or slow?

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Neither Gone Nor Forgotten

sequel to No Body to Bury. This isn’t edited, if you find any errors feel free to let me nice, just be nice about it.

------

Planning a funeral for Danny turned out both easier, and harder, then Batman had anticipated. Easier because he wasn’t deep in grief the way he had been when planning previous funerals, and harder because, well, the person the funeral was for was still around to have opinions. Not that Danny was hard to please, he seemed happy with just about everything, but he was struggling with whether he should tell his human family and friends. He really wanted to, but he was scared.

“I don’t think they’ll understand,” Danny said, his legs dangling over the edge of the tall building he and Batman were currently sitting on, holding a milkshake Bruce had bought for him. “Sam, Tucker, and Jazz all supported me while I was still only half dead and knew. I haven’t kept entirely out of the news since starting to work with you guys and I know they’re upset I abandoned them, I’ve seen it when I check on them. There’s no way they can understand how much changes when you die, I watch over them, but Ic an never go back.

“I can’t be what they want me to be, I’m not really Danny anymore at all, and they’d want me to be what I was. They’d want me to be human, and I’m just not anymore. I would want them to think I was completely dead and gone, but they’ve seen me in the news so there’s no chance of that.”

“Hm,” Batman said helpfully. “Write them a letter, I’ll make sure it’s delivered and then they can come on your terms, or not,” He suggested, he’d found writing letters to be a lot easier. “Like a will?”

Danny cocked his head to the side as he thought about that and then nodded slowly. “That’s a good idea, thanks Batman. You’re not nearly as bad at emotions as everyone says,” The young ghost said, bumping his shoulder against Bruce’s. It made the older hero smile. He wasn’t surprised to find that Phantom was gone when he turned back towards where the boy was sitting, his small smile remained as he threw out the abandoned milkshake and went on with his patrol.

It was two days later when the letter appeared on his desk, not yet folded or in an envelope which Bruce knew was permission to read it. He appreciated that because he would have had a hard time resisting the curiosity even if it was already sealed.

Dear Sam, Jazz, and Tucker

First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. I loved you all and I didn’t run away, I didn’t want to leave you. It was the GIW, remember when I said I was a ‘who’s who of who can’t catch ghosts’? I guess I underestimated at least one of them because they finally got me. Of course it was Phantom they were trying to kill, but is anyone surprised that they failed? It was Danny who they ended up killing, and now I can’t go back.

I didn’t realize what a big difference there would be between being half dead and all dead, a little humanity goes a long way I guess. Don’t worry I’m not going to become Dan, but I can’t be Danny anymore either, just Phantom left now and while I still love you and watch over you as I am, it’s not like I can just ‘live my life’ anymore. It hurts too much to try and pretend to be alive now, and ghosts are creatures of instinct, I can’t go against the natural order of life and death and come back to you, no matter how much I love you or how much you miss me.

Batman and some of the other heroes have offered to arrange a funeral for Danny, this time there’s actually a corpse to bury after all. I won’t be there, but it’s important for both the living and the dead that the dead have a grave, a place to grieve lost life. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, if it’s too hard or you’re too mad at me still. But if you do come or ever visit I’ll feel you there and it’ll make me happy, and maybe it’ll be some closure for you? I never meant to hurt you.

I’ll still be around to protect you, I’ll protect everyone I can. That’s been my obsession since the start hasn’t it? And Jazz don’t you start, ghost’s obsessions are what keeps us here and in one piece, I don’t need therapy. And I guess that’s the heart of it isn’t it? I’m not human anymore, and I can’t pretend to be, and we wouldn’t understand each other anymore. Not really. Ghosts don’t change much though so I’ll always love you and when you die maybe we can be friends again, if you can forgive me for this.

Forever young and yours,

Phantom

 Batman read the letter and sat quietly with it for a few long minutes, thinking about it and also questioning some parts, like who Dan was. It was sad of course, but it was sweet too, and he didn’t think that Phantom’s friends would be nearly as upset with him as he thought they would be. Finally he sighed and folded it up, finding a envelope and address it to Danny’s sister since she seemed like the best one to make sure they were all there when it was opened and read. He put it in the folder to be sent out and then leaned against his desk.

“Are you really not going to come?” He asked the empty room, and after waiting for a moment wasn’t surprised when Danny stepped out from nowhere. He’d started to get a sense of when Phantom was there, untouchable and unseen.

“No, I’ll be there, but only the way spirits usually are. I won’t be there physically, just in spirit,” He said, smiling at his own pun. Batman chuckled a little and nodded.

“I understand why you don’t want them to know that, I won’t let on,” He assured. “I think you’ve done the right thing letting them know.”

Danny nodded and then vanished again, this time out through the window, properly leaving the office and Batman alone again.

Batman had the discussion with the rest of the Justice League without Phantom present so they could avoid accidental offense. Not everyone would come, not everyone could come, Batman banned a few of the more literal heroes who would not understand why they were having a funeral when Phantom was still here, even though he had actually died. But a decent amount did come, and Batman had a feeling that the ones Phantom would care about most was Bruce himself, and Diana, who was coming.

-----

When the day of the funeral came Batman and Diana stood outside the little chapel to welcome people. They weren’t technically family of course, apparently Diana was distantly through an ancestor of hers and adoption, and Bruce thought of himself as a paternal figure to Danny, besides they’d been here early setting everything up. The nice coffin was already at the front of the room, closed since it was empty with while lilies placed on top and decorating the little building along with some roses and candles.

He wasn’t particularly surprised when the first person who showed up was Danny’s big sister Jasmine Fenton driving Danny’s two friends. His parents weren’t there but Phantom had mentioned it might not be a good idea for them to come because they would probably be disruptive. Both Jazz and Tucker’s eyes were rimmed red like they’d been crying and Sam’s jaw had a stubborn set to it like clenching it was the only thing keeping her lips from trembling.

They reached the steps, Batman nodded to them and Diana gave them a sad smile. Jazz looked through the open doors, her breath hitching. “Is he in there?” She asked, pointing to the coffin.

Batman shook his head, voice soft and rough as he responded. “Phantom said he’d bring the body later, Less chance for something to go wrong and… I don’t know if it would hurt him, but I think it’s easy to see why he’d be protective of it.”

Jazz’s lip trembled and she took a deep breath, behind her Sam had wrapped an arm around Tucker who had started to cry again, turning to hide against her shoulder. “When you see him again tell him we’re not mad at him, please?” Sam said, her voice hard with repressed emotions, it almost sounded angry but there was a subtle difference.

“He’s right that we can’t understand everything,” Jazz said, biting her lip for a moment before continuing. “But after something like this he needs space, and we won’t rush him. If he needs to start a new life, we get it, everything must remind him of trauma right now, but if he ever wants to get back in touch with us. Well, I’ll love him forever too. But also tell him that he should have been more careful in that letter he wrote if any of us had been feeling suicidal his comment about being friends again after death might have been the last push we needed over the metaphorical edge-”

She was taking a deep breath to continue her lecture when Sam wrapped her other arm around Jazz’ shoulder and pulled her away. “Well we’re not, it’s fine, let’s go sit down before Tucker collapses from dehydration from all these tears.”

“I’m not going to collapse! I’m not even crying that much!” Tucker insisted, his voice audibly wet.

Batman and Diane kept their faces straight while Sam dragged them all into the little building and to seats in the front row. Then Batman’s lips twitched up in a slight smile and Diana gave a weak laugh. “I knew they wouldn’t be as angry with Phantom as he feared,” Batman said, trying to keep his amusement under control.

“What a precocious girl, a big sister through and through,” Diana agreed and sniffled a little, it seemed their grief had gotten to her a little. He understood.

Slowly more people filtered in, just other heroes now, and one young woman called Val. Sam said to let her in even though there was clearly tension there, the heroes didn’t ask.

The scheduled time of the funeral Diana and Batman went inside, closing the door after them and, since Danny hadn’t wanted a priest so Batman started to make his way to the front to start things off.

“We’re here today in remembrance of Danny Phantom, a brave young man lost to soon in the line of duty. He never should have had to join the fight so young,” Batman stumbled a little when he saw Jason slip in at the back of the chapel. He had sort of though Jason wasn’t coming, but there he was, dressed in his Red Hood get up, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Batman could tell that he was on edge, but he was here, and it would make Danny happy. He took a deep breath and carried on with his planned remarks.

When he was done he stepped down off the little podium and Jazz stepped up, pulling some queue cards out of her pocket, taking a deep breath and launching into a planned speech. She was a good public speaker, she managed to keep it together through her speech but her words were clearly very heartfelt.

It went well, a few more people spoke, by the end Batman was actually having a hard time keeping his feeling under control, he maybe should have came as Bruce Wayne so he could have cried. He kept it under control though and eventually it was time to bring the coffin out to the prepared grave. They hadn’t fully planned who would carry it because they hadn’t known if Danny’s friends and sister were going to come, but now that they were here of course they were invited to help carry the coffin.

Batman and Diana took the majority of the weight of course, but all three of them took the offer to help carry the coffin the prepared grave. They lowered it in and Superman placed the specially made vault over top that would protect Danny’s body from, well, the usual stuff super heroes had to deal with, bodies being stolen for experimentation, attempted cloning’s, resurrection but wrong, all that jazz.

Jasmin through in the first handful of dirt, then Sam, then Tucker and then the heroes joined in. When the grave started to be filled properly a lot of the heroes started to wander away, Batman approached Jason who was hanging back.

“Please stay,” He murmured to his estranged son, seeing Jason’s shoulders tense, his arms were still crossed defensively. “Phantom will be bringing his body one most of the people clear out and he’d really like to meet you. If you don’t mind, he just died, and it’s been hard on him, I think meeting you would be a comfort.” He watched with bated breath as Jason’s fingers twitched and tightened on his own arms before he nodded. Bruce breathed a subtle sigh of relief and nodded, turning back towards the grave.

Once the grave was filled and basically everyone else had either left or gone back to the little chapel to socialize, Danny finally arrived. He faded into view, seemingly almost shy, watching them both closely for their reaction. Bruce understood why, he had to carefully school his expression when he saw the state that Danny’s body was in. It wasn’t that he was dead obviously, ashen and limp, passed the stage of rigger it seemed, it was the visible injuries. He was littered with cuts and bruises, there were stull cuffs around his ankles and wrists which had clearly burned into his skin. The wound that had killed him was, well, it looked like an autopsy had been done, his chest was fully open, but Batman knew it had been done while he was still alive. It was horrific.

Batman managed to keep himself under control though his breathing sped up, Hood’s mask completely hid his face but he rocked back like he’d been struck. Danny hesitated, licked his lips a little and stepped forward.

“I can’t touch the cuffs, but I don’t want too bury him with them still on. Will you take them off for me? They shouldn’t burn you,” Danny asked Bruce.

He was about to say yes when Jason cut in, “I’m better at picking locks then him, I’ll do it.” He practically growled, stalking forward and pulling his lock picking kit out of one of the pockets on his suit. “Who did this to him,- You?” He asked softly as Danny knelt, cradling his own corps close to his chest, letting Jason kneel in front of him and take one of the limp arms to start on the cuffs. Jason hissed when he touched it, it burned a little but he breathed through it and started to pick the lock.

“It was the GIW, the ghost investigation ward. I killed the ones who did it, and the justice league helped me disband the rest of the organization and overturn the laws that enabled it,” Danny responded, his green eyes locked unblinkingly on Jason, watching him as he watched Jason work on the locks.

“Good, I’m glad their dead. That must have felt good,” He chuckled vindictively.

“I am too, but I’m more glad they won’t get to hurt anyone else. They might have gone for you if they were still able.”

“Me? Why?” Jason asked, his fingers twitching, he cursed softly when the lock pick slipped, he grumbled and started again.

“Because you died before didn’t you? The cuffs burn you because you’re not… completely alive anymore I won’t ask anything about it, I know that’s private but if you ever want to talk about it, or if you need help with the… side affects, I’d be happy to help you,” Phantom offered softly. Jason only hummed in response, he needed to process and consider that.

When the final cuff fell to the ground Danny took a deep breath and curled around himself, resting his forehead against his body’s hair. From the way his shoulders were shaking they could tell he was crying, Jason rested a hand on Danny’s shoulder, just being there for him until Phantom was ready and finally sunk into the ground. He was down there for a long time before he surfaced again, flying over to hug batman, burrowing against his chest a little while Batman patted his back gently, Jason standing by awkwardly.

“Thank you so much for doing this, and thank you both so much for coming. This really means so much to me.”

“Of course kid,” Jason said, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s soft white hair.

Batman nodded, giving Danny a gentle squeeze, “No one deserves to be forgotten.”

Tag list: @kikkobara @phlebocuffs @spikethecrazycat @spookytragedyshark @thatonegaybitch68 @stargazer-luna @fangirlnerd001 @seraphinedemort @yjfk @rosieparker1856 @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun and thank you too @your-local-idiot-savant for giving me feedback on some parts

[tourettesdog]

DPxDC Prompt where Jazz has known grief for a while now. The soulmark on her left arm has been faded and blackened for over a year. She’s had time to mourn, but nothing can scrub the reminder from Jazz’s arm or erase the choking memory of air escaping her lungs when it faded.

She never even got to meet them.

When Danny dies in the portal, Jazz thinks she might just be destined to a life of loss. Danny is still here, he’s still alive in some way, but Jazz can’t help but wonder what Danny’s own soulmate has gone through. Her brother’s soulmark is still there too, but it’s sickly green and scarred over by the fern-like patterns of his deathscar. She can only imagine a mark to match her own on his soulmate.

Danny hopes his soulmate will move on. Jazz tries not to think about it and she does her best not to press the issue, letting him grieve in his own way.

Fate is a strange thing, however, and their world is turned on its head when Jazz’s soulmark begins to blaze the same, sickly green as Danny’s.

Jazz becomes obsessed with finding out how, while Danny dares to wonder if he gave up too soon.

-

Tim hasn’t had a good night’s rest since his soulmark bled green. He’s done research, exhausted every outlet he has, but he can find no history of a mark like his.

He can only assume his soulmate is dead. Survival does not coexist with the excruciating pain he felt coursing through his veins, so much so that he thought he would die alongside them. The mark taunts him more than anything.

Though when Jason Todd resurfaces, clawing his way back into Gotham in the same way he clawed himself from the grave, Tim’s eyes are drawn to the sickly green mark on his forearm.

[I kind of went buckwild with this idea and wrote several different branching ideas attached to it, so they go under the readmore.]

Mental image of Jason just being in one hell of a funk, and Tim awkwardly approaching him like "Look, I know we have our issues but there was a day I felt like my entire body was on fire and being torn to pieces. My mark's been this sickly green since... I'm pretty sure they're gone. Like I don't know how they wouldn't be, even though it's still there-- in a way. So like, I get it."

-

I imagine something going wrong in Amity-- bad reveal-- and Jazz and Danny have to upend their lives over it. Jazz was trying to find out what her returned soulmark might mean within the ghost zone, following whatever information she could-- but now they have to leave everything behind and it feels like grieving again.

Danny's still trying not to get his hopes up that his partner's mark would have returned just cause Jazz's has. But he's frustrated, and now feels guilty that his slipup led to them having to leave their home.

Jazz keeps telling Danny it's not his fault, that they mightve never found anything out anyway, but it still eats at him.

They move to Gotham cause it's got enough ambient ectoplasm to help Danny.

But then Danny notices something ghostly about Red Hood and starts getting close to him. He doesnt bring up ghost's right away, but tries to slowly broach the topic. Eventually Red Hood shows Danny his odd soulmark and Danny just about passes out from the adrenaline rush of seeing Jazz's mark in that familiar sickly green.

Danny doesn't know how to approach the situation without compromising either of their identities.

He even shows Jason his own mark. Jason can't quite make it out with the deathscar through it. It kinda looks like the crow Tim has, but it could also be any kind of bird and Tim usually hides his. Birds are common-- he should know.

Seeing as Phantom's called himself a ghost, and it might not even be the same mark, Jason doesn't think it's a good idea to tell Tim and give him some false hope. (Though the coincidence of another strange green mark has his mind lingering on it). Phantom's said it himself that he's been dead for awhile and he's sure his soulmate has moved on.

-

But Danny can't stop looking for a man with Red Hood's build and Jazz's mark.

And the more Jason hangs around Phantom and gets hints that they're very alike (and that Phantom is more alive than he lets on), he starts trying to figure out how he can get another glance at Tim's (usually-covered) soulmark to see if they're as similar as he thinks. (For shenanigans too, maybe Jason doesn't even know that Tim's mark is green now; maybe he's only ever seen a photo of it from before he started covering it).

-

Bonus points if Jazz somehow becomes friends with Tim Jazz being like "Oh hey my friend Tim invited us over for dinner, wanna come?"

For one hell of a chaotic, maximum fuckery reveal:

Everyone's in long sleeves/jackets for one reason or another (temperature or comfort) at dinner Danny feels Jason's ghostly bullshit right away though and will not stop Staring at him. Jason can't feel it back since his senses aren't as strong and Danny's much more muted while he's human. Danny's trying to subtly spill shit on Jason or in some other way try to see his mark. It backfires on Danny and his mark gets shown instead Cue Tim freaking out and Danny, in his infinite wisdom, blurting out about Jason's mark

Then when they all realize they just accidentally all had their identities outed, AND now have to discuss the reality of two of them being halfdead/having died

- Alternative identity shenanigans:

Tim and Jazz being friends and he sees sees her  mark and just gets thrown through the emotional ringer. But he doesn't think he can come out and tell Jazz about Jason because her finding out he died and somehow came back could have some serious ramifications and risk their identities.

But he also thinks Jason deserves some happiness and Jazz is a great person who Jason would get along with easily.

And Tim just can't stop thinking of his own mark now, for the first time in a long time. It just consumes his thoughts, and he eventually decides to introduce Jason to Jazz.

But Danny tags along and he and Jason immediately recognize each other's ghostly bullshit and Tim's plan of slowly introducing the two gets immediately sidelined

OR

Tim shows Jazz his own mark, trying to gauge what her reaction will be if he lets her know they have the same situation going on with their marks-- only for Jazz to just like almost wrench his arm out of his socket to get a better look at it because she'd never forget Danny's mark, nevermind the color.

- Another scenario (cause I wasn't lying when I said I went Buckwild):

Danny tries to lay low in Gotham, but his obsession eventually has him sticking his neck out.

The bats are suspicious of Phantom and want answers. Jason is out of the loop a bit and independently starts befriending Phantom after Danny catches whiff of his ectoplasm

The bats eventually catch Danny with some acquired Fenton tech. The tech is more harmful than the bats expected and in his mad scramble to escape Danny's sleeve gets torn and Tim gets a glimpse of a familiar mark in that mess of green lichtenbergs. It's a sight that haunts him, marred by ectoplasm dripping from Phantom's wide-eyed face and down his shoulder.

Tim keeps trying to find Phantom to talk to him and apologize but he's gone off radar.

Jason's heard about what happened but keeps quiet about what he knows when Phantom still comes to him to talk. He can tell Phantom is more hesitant to be around him, but is glad he's still willing to meet him.

But Jason does want to actually see the soulmark for himself. So he starts talking about his own and they show each other theirs

And while Danny likes being friends with Red Hood, he is aware he has connections to the bats and that getting too close to him could put him in danger. But he sees Jazz's mark on him and feels physically ill because how can he deny telling Jazz about it just because he's afraid?

And Jason could tell Phantom about Tim's mark, but how can he tell him after what happened between the bats and Phantom, and when it would compromise their identities?

Jazz, throughout all of this, has been stressed out worrying about how to keep her little brother safe and make sure the bats never hurt him again, while she keeps unknowingly befriending the bats, starting with her coworker Babs.

Nevermind Tim just thinking his soulmate is a full on ghost in this situation.

[underforeversgrace]

under the river

DannyMay 2023 Day 11: Underwater

title: under the river

words: 1181

Part 1 of 2

(Part 2: after the water)

Excerpt: Is this really a choice she was about to have to make? Dying together with her husband or leaving him to die on his own?

~~~~~~

Honestly, considering her husband’s driving, maybe Maddie should have expected this to eventually happen, she thought as the glass began to crack from the pressure.

“Jack!” She called again, uselessly trying to shake her husband.

He said nothing, red blood dribbling down his face from the injury to his forehead.

Maddie looked around, desperately trying to think of something, anything.

They were at the bottom of a river, the dark murky water rendering it impossible for them to see anything. If only they had been in the GAV, instead of borrowing Jazz’s car, it wouldn’t have mattered when Jack accidentally ran off the side of the cliff, through the guardrail and into the water below.

Stupid parking deck - at the stupid doctors office they were going to for their stupid annual checkup - not being big enough to accommodate the size of the GAV. 

Maddie was doing her best to not panic. She could get herself out easily, of course, just bust the window and swim, but she had no way of getting Jack out. Unconscious as he was, if she busted the window now and got out… he was done for. As it was, though, water was starting to leak in from under her feet, the spider web crack grew in the glass. 

Is this really a choice she was about to have to make? Dying together with her husband or leaving him to die on his own?

A mental image of Danny and Jazz came to her mind and tears began to flow. Jazz would be graduating high school in just a few months and, despite how much he’d pulled away from them, Danny still needed them.

At least… he needed one of them. Jazz would be fine on her own, but she couldn’t care for her brother and Maddie wouldn’t leave her in a position where she had to. Maddie blinked hard as tears began to pool in her eyes.

She had a choice here and she could not choose to leave her kids as orphans.

“I love you.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to Jack’s cheek, doing her best not to feel the gentle pulse under his skin, proof he was alive.

And then she turned her attention to the passenger window beside her and kicked, shattering the glass with the metal on the heel of her shoe. She refused to look behind her as she threw herself through the window frame and swimming for the surface.

Her head broke the surface and she began coughing, swimming to the opposite bank, where a small bit of land was.

“Maddie!” A voice called behind her, echo amplified in the slight valley they were in.

Seriously? Now? She couldn’t have five seconds to grieve the death of her husband or to figure out how to get out of this valley?

“Go away, Phantom!” She shouted, fists clenching angrily at her side. Her weapons were, unfortunately, not waterproof.

“Where’s Jack?” Phantom questioned, looking for him.

“Go away!” She simply shouted again.

Phantom scowled and dove down to her, grabbing her upper arms and gripping too tightly, anger and panic successfully mimicked on his face. “Where is he?” He shouted.

“I couldn’t get him out too!” She yelled back, finally sobbing, going slightly limp in the ghost’s hands as grief overwhelmed her.

“He’s down there?” Phantom said, eyes widening in shock. Why did he insist on pretending to be human? She was just so tired of it right now. He let go of her and she collapsed to her knees, sobbing as she wrapped her arms around herself, not even noticing as Phantom dove into the water.

The love of her life, gone. Because she left him behind.

Less than a minute passed before Phantom re-emerged, soaked with water, Jack in hand.

“Move!” He shouted at her, laying Jack down on the ground beside her. Maddie, shocked, did as she was told. “Fuck!” The ghost said, beginning chest compressions. “One, two, three, four…”

Maddie watched in amazement, her mind short circuited from grief and surprise. Phantom, the ghost they’d been trying to capture for nearly a year now… was correctly doing CPR on her husband, who’s body and chest were still. Why would he be trying so hard to save someone who wanted him dead? Why did he even know how to do CPR?

After the chest compressions - which he continued to do, even as he mumbled so lowly Maddie couldn’t hear him - he inhaled, pinched Jack’s nose, and pushed air into her husband’s mouth.

Phantom could breathe?

“Please,” he whispered when he pulled away, frantically beginning compressions again.

This had to be the most surreal sight Maddie had ever seen, a ghost trying to breathe life into her ghost hunting husband.

Wait… a ghost…

“Wait, Phantom!” She said, scrambling to her feet as her brain finished its restart.

“I’m trying to save him! Shoot me later!” He shouted at her as he moved to do mouth to mouth again, wet white hair plastered to his face.

“Intangibility! Get the water out that way!”

He groaned. “Dying really didn’t give me any more brain cells, did it?” He said, intangibility sweeping across Jack’s body, the water falling harmlessly from him.

As soon as that happened, Jack drew a heavy breath, trying to cough up water no longer in him as Phantom returned him to tangibility.

“Dad!” Phantom yelled, throwing his arms around Jack’s neck and burying his face into his chest.

Jack instinctively wrapped his arm around the ghost as he finished coughing.

Maddie, again, was stunned into silence as the ghost began to shake, audibly crying as he clung to her husband. The man he’d just called dad. Jack seemed likewise confused as he sat up, arms still wrapped around the crying ghost, looking to her in bewilderment.

“You’re okay!” Phantom said, clenching the fabric of Jack’s suit into his fists as he further burrowed into Jack.

“Uh, thanks, Phantom?” Jack said unsurely.

At Jack’s words, Phantom tensed and jumped away, hovering over the water. “Oh, haha, no problem, citizen!” He said, saluting at them.

“Phantom…” Jack started, standing and reaching for him.

“Oh, uh, would you two like a lift up?” Phantom asked, pulling nervously at his hands.

Maddie had always thought that gesture looked somewhat familiar and suddenly she could place why it was familiar.

“Danny?” She asked.

Phantom - Danny Phantom - went rigid. “Uh, haha, yeah, that’s my first name, everyone knows that.”

“Danno.” Jack said, holding his hand out towards the ghost.

Danny just eyed it warily and a knife twisted in her heart. He was afraid of them.

Danny’s accident had been worse than he’d told them, hadn’t it? He’d died long enough to make a ghost. She wondered how weird that must be, her son seeing his own ghost flying around town.

…seeing his ghost be shot by their parents.

Phantom floated a little closer, stopping just out of reach. His eyes flicked between the two of them and the next time he spoke, it was with fear and hope in his voice. “Mom? Dad?”

[havendance]

Okay, I want to play too. Building off of @dustorange's post and @silverwhittlingknife's post

I think, how I would play this: the circus still happens obviously.

And then Dick dies when he's 16 in circumstances similar to Batman #408, where Dick is shot by the Joker and it causes him to fall to his death. (Dick has to die by falling. To me.) Bruce isn't able to catch him.

Bruce is obviously devastated. Going off of Silver, we'll say no Robin!Jason in this AU. Jason can get away with stealing the tires off of the Batmobile of an extremely grieving Batman. As a treat.

Tim is also devastated. I usually have Tim being 3 at the circus, so I guess he's 11-12 when this happens.

I think the fact that Dick was the only Robin in this scenario means that Tim is more reluctant to push himself as a replacement Robin. That and the fact that his HERO Dick Grayson died means I think that he's slower to act.

Eventually though, things get bad enough in Gotham that he does just because someone has to and he ends up as Robin. We'll handwave the details for now.

I think that Dick should get to come back to life during the Knightfall Saga. As a treat.

He comes back to Gotham just in time to see that there's a new Robin and watch Bruce get his back broken.

Tim's been Robin longer before Knightfall in this AU, so he's got a little more experience, but he's also 14, and while Bruce is lying in the Batcave and they don't know whether he's going to wake up or not, and he's fetching the medicine in that one comic, he runs into this unknown, edgy looking vigilante who blames him for Bruce getting his back broken and it's just everything he's been thinking to himself.

Dick sticks around in Gotham long enough to see that there's a new Batman and of course Bruce has someone else he can get to do that. Of course he doesn't need Dick. He runs off to go do like, black-ops vigilante work somewhere.

I think he and Tim do run into eachother once more before Dick leaves town though and Tim's like 'I know I'll never be as good as the first Robin, but that just means I need to learn everything I can' and tries to bother Dick into teaching him stuff because he can tell that this mysterious vigilante is way more skilled than him.

Dick mostly avoids Gotham, but I think they keep running into each other, coincidentally. Tim ends up teaming up with him during Contagion instead of Catwoman and they're both in Paris at the same time etc etc.

And eventually on one of these team-ups, Dick does a quadruple somersault and Tim sees it and everything clicks together and he imminently runs away because that's Dick Grayson and Tim has been talking up the first Robin all this time and it's a lot okay?

I think this is about when No Man's Land happens so Tim goes to go hide in Gotham and help out Batman and become a National News story and all that jazz instead of thinking about it.

But afterwards, Tim is ON THE CASE. I think he doesn't tell Bruce about this because if Dick hasn't told Bruce then he probably has his reasons? And what he was actually wrong? (Even though he knows he isn't)

And then, um, let's put the Dick and Bruce finally confronting each other during Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive because Dick comes back to Gotham when he hears that Bruce murdered someone because he doesn't want to believe it, but I think he also can't have that same bone deep belief in his innocence that he does in canon because of all the estrangement.

So he attacks Batman and demands to know the truth (without revealing who he is) and Bruce won't answer. Bruce also doesn't know how this mysterious vigilante knows he's Bruce Wayne/got accused of murder, so he low key suspects DICK of framing him, which normally he'd be too busy being Batman full time to care, but here he also recognizes some of Dick's fighting style so he starts investigating him to uncover the mystery.

Meanwhile, Tim noticed that Dick is back in town, so he's trying to recruit Dick to help him get to the bottom of this. He knows Dick's identity now, but he doesn't tell Dick that, he just drops various hints that he knows and hooks Dick up with a line to Oracle (who he has also not shared his conclusions with other than a vague 'there's something about him')

And hmm somehow this all resolves with like, Dick's identity getting out and him and Bruce talking face to face. Bruce is just so desperately amazed that Dick is there, meanwhile Dick still has various issues that are not resolved and it probably ends with Dick running away again and Bruce holding himself back from chasing after him like he desperately wants to. Because if Dick doesn't want anything to do with him then that's just his right because Bruce WAS the one who got him killed.

He does stalk Dick from afar though. Just without initiating contact. Tim and Barbara are more pushy about trying to hang out/talk with Dick in the aftermath.

To skip ahead, I think Bruce leaves Dick the Batmantle after he 'dies' as this last ditch attempt to share how much he loves and respects Dick.

And this getting long so I think I'll call it here.

[alexsoenomel]

Take Me Back To Eden (Joel Miller x f!Reader smut/fluff/angst?)

Summary: “Let me know if you ever come back to Austin,” – was the last thing he told you, and after losing your parents in a car accident you did just that.

Pairing: Joel x f!Reader

Warnings: oh boy here we go: 18+ MINORS DNI, big ol' age gap (Reader is 27 andJoel is 50), mentions of death, grief, if you squint reader has ADHD, unhappy relationship, oral female and male receiving, dick in vagina and all that jazz, pet names like darlin' and baby and I think that's all...

Word count: 9.3k

Note: So, I was sad and had a really hard time coping with life during my exams. So instead of going outside or studying I created this.

Song: Take Me Back to Eden by Sleep Token

Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

Everything was going in your favor. You graduated from Austin Community College with honors, found a job as an assistant in a law firm, and had a man by your side – everything by the book. You were renting a small loft in The Big Apple, planning your future – you were enjoying life. 

It wasn’t until you got a call from an unknown number. It wasn’t until you answered with a hallo that your life flipped upside down. Your parents – your support, your guardians – got into a fatal car accident when a reckless driver crashed into them, and your dad lost control of the wheel. The car ended up crashing into a tree and both of them died in a matter of minutes. Someone stopped the time that day. Nothing seemed to be real anymore. You were in haze and not the purple one.  It was the weekend, Saturday or Sunday, you had no clue, you only knew it was the day both you and your boyfriend were off; sitting in the comfort of your home having a Lord of the Rings marathon. The scream you let out that day, you didn't remember – your boyfriend did and he thought it was gut-wrenching. The immense grief taking over your body that day took a toll on your body. Your heart was hurting, your head was pulsating and your stomach was starving but your mouth refused to accept food. 

Your boyfriend tried to be there for you, to talk to you, even though no words could subside the loss you felt, he tried to hug you, but you refused to be touched and so two days after you got the devastating news, your relationship fell apart. You were fighting too much. He seemed deaf; you were trying to tell him that you needed solitude and he seemed to be wearing headphones. 

On the third day, he packed his bags and on the fourth he left to stay with a friend. He kissed you on the forehead and told you; you were going to work this out, but you knew it was over. It wasn't like the love you read in the books; it was boring and uneventful. You felt like something was missing. Boy meets girl, they date, fall in love, start living together and then marry. When you found the damn ring in his underwear drawer your heart sank – you knew you weren't ready for that; you didn't want that. The loss made you snap and you ended it.

You were left in an empty space, lying on the bed, trying to see the point of this life you lived. You didn't see it that day.

On the fifth day, you finally got the strength to book a one-way ticket to Austin. Your aunt from your dad's side called you to discuss funeral arrangements and your heart sank even lower thinking about burying both of your parents. This all seemed like a fever dream.

On the sixth day, you packed everything you could in one suitcase and left New York. You decided to take some time off aka got fired, since you didn't bother to show up for work, and grieve. The good thing was you had some savings in your bank account since you and now ex were talking about buying a home – or at least he was.

Thank God that ain't happening. 

You thought and closed the door, heading to the airport. 

***

You haven't been back home ever since you graduated college five years ago. Your parents would always come to New York since they both loved the city and as your mom used to say Christmas in New York City was always a fairytale.

Austin was a lot different than New York City– hot and humid, quieter, and not so chaotic. Your aunt was waiting for you at the airport with open arms and for the first time in six days, you felt like you needed it. You accepted her warm hug and as soon as you placed your chin on her shoulder you cried and cried and cried…

"It's okay. Let it out." You heard her say as she tried to squeeze the pain away with a tight hug. 

***

The funeral was painful. Your parents were good, hard-working people, loved by many so a lot of people came to pay their respects. You shook hands with people and listen to the same two sentences over and over again wanting to jump out of your skin:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My condolences. 

Your parents were supposed to be here. It was too early. 

Tears just kept coming and thank God your aunt gave you a big pair of black sunglasses to hide your swollen face. 

"Your folks were good people," you heard a man say as he shook your hand. By the accent you knew he was a local. And by the sound of his voice you knew you knew him.

You looked up to see a familiar face. Joel Miller – the man across the street from the house you grew up in.

Your voice was mute as you shook his hand, not being able to look at him anymore.

****

After they were laid to rest it hit you; you couldn't just rot away in your own grief, instead you had to try and live your "new normal" – whatever that meant. You told your family you needed some alone time. Your uncle offered to stay with you in the house but you declined, saying you needed to grieve in private. 

"But I don't want you alone in that house," he told you. That man was always so sweet and caring. Since he didn't have kids of his own; you were the daughter he never had. 

Mom has a great big brother.

"You remember when that boy broke up with me when I was 16 sayin' he's too embarrassed to go outside with me?" You asked him, wiping your tears from your right cheek. "And I didn't leave my room for two days?"

"I remember that bastard," he said, almost angrily. 

"I'll be okay. I need some time alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure," you said and kissed his cheek. "I'll call you if I need company, okay?"

"Okay."

***

The house felt hollow and eerie as soon as you turned the key and stepped in. The air wasn't stale yet and the TV was off which was a rarity since your dad loved watching the news, while your mom loved sitting next to him reading a good romance novel. The house was spotless, with no dust in sight, since your mom enjoyed cleaning and listening to music every weekend. She loved the smell of a clean and polished home. You couldn't bring yourself to go to their room, a lump in your throat formed when you stood in front of their bedroom door. 

You grew up in that house, you had many memories engraved in the walls and wooden furniture there. Your heart would ache every time you would see a small scratch or a stain on your walls.  Those were all the memories of your happy and innocent childhood the house kept and refused to let go of. From food stains to scratches from tossing toys whenever you had a temper tantrum…Your father refused to repaint the house, saying even though you were at times an insufferable kid, those years were the best years of his life. You haven't set foot in that house for five years but it was still a place you would call home. Family photos all over the walls, cherished moments captured with your dad's camera throughout the years…your home.

The first day in that house you spend on the couch watching a movie on dad's TV. Your fingers felt heavy as you pressed the button on the remote. There was a blanket right next to you; your mom's blue blanket she would use to cover herself on a cold winter's day while getting lost in her book. Even though it was June and burning hot; your body was cold. Your soul was too sad to warm you up; you had to use your mom's blanket. It still smelled like her; a mixture of lavender – her favorite detergent and vanilla – her favorite perfume. Inhaling that smell was almost painful but it brought a wave of comfort. She was still in the house. 

You didn't eat that day after the funeral; instead, you fell asleep with the TV on. 

The second day seemed a lot better. You went to buy some groceries, made yourself a nice breakfast of sunny side-up eggs and bacon, and went to see the state of your backyard. It was freshly cut and green like always. Your dad liked taking care of the yard and making sure the grass was evenly cut and watered. 

I miss you. 

It wasn't until lunchtime that you started crying again when you glanced at the picture on your living room wall of your parents smiling with birthday caps on having a toast with Joel. You remembered that picture because you took it. It was your dad's birthday and he decided to have a BBQ in his beloved backyard. 

You were sitting on the floor, looking at the picture in your hands as a sharp pain went through your chest, tears falling uncontrollably.

Why them?

Only when you noticed how grumpy and ridiculous Joel looked with his cap on a small chuckle escaped your lips.

Joel Miller.

Your favorite neighbor and guitar teacher during your college days. Every weekend you would look forward to spending some time with Mr. Miller while learning the magic of an acoustic guitar. It had been your dream to learn how to play and since your dad loved you with all his heart, he wanted to make that happen for you, so he asked Joel. Joel enjoyed teaching you, especially since you knew a lot about "old people's music" as he would call it.

Soon after you saved up and bought your very first acoustic guitar and started practicing almost every day after classes.

Once you moved to New York, you stopped playing. That city tended to either inspire or destroy someone's creativity and in your case, it completely killed the love you had for playing. Once you started working the guitar only collected dust in your little loft. You didn't have an answer why it just did…

******

Five years ago.

"Why New York?" He asked you after you finished your last guitar session. Well, it wasn't a guitar lesson, since you now knew how to play, you spent that day practicing Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple on his porch.

"I don't like living here."

"Why?" 

"Too hot and too many conservatives."

Joel chuckled at your comment. "I agree with ya on that one darlin' but why New York City?" 

"I always wanted to go there. Never got a chance," you blushed, giving him a short answer.

Darlin' – you always loved when he called you that.

“Are you plannin' on comin’ back?”

“Hmmm, not really.” If only you knew…

"Well, let me know if you do come back. We can catch up and play together again."

"Will do, Joel."

He was dreamy. A man of few words and ridiculously handsome. Your little crush –Joel Miller the guitar teacher.

****

Your eyes were puffy and red from crying. You didn't even realize you were hugging the framed picture like your life depended on it. 

Numb. Numb was the feeling. 

This is not fair.

***

The next day you remembered what Joel told you – to let him know when you're back. He saw you at the funeral but it wasn't the appropriate time to catch up obviously. 

It was the first time since you landed you had three meals. For breakfast, a sandwich, for lunch noodles and you were about to have ice cream for dinner because you were craving something cold on a hot summer evening. You were doing somewhat okay, you cried once, under the shower that you used the first time on that particular day. As you were eating ice cream, Joel's words lingered in your mind again.

As much as you loved solitude, you were starting to crave company again. Your own thoughts were starting to suffocate you. 

Your family was great, on both sides, but you knew they would only feel sorry for you and tried their best to make you feel better; which wasn't possible. You just wanted to talk to someone and maybe have a drink or two.

You picked up your phone only to see 10 unread messages and 5 missed calls from your ex. You didn't even bother to open the texts, instead, you found Joel's number under the name Mr.Handsome and started typing…

Hey, I know it’s been like 5 years but you told me to let you know if I ever come back to Austin. The circumstances are shit but I figured to let you know I’ll be here for a while. And thank you for coming to the funeral, Joel. 

After a minute your screen lit up.

Your folks were great people like I told you. How you holdin up?

Better than few days ago. I took a shower today. Yay!

That's somethin. I figured you wanted to be alone after the I'm sorrys and condolences. 

You both dealt with your shit in private. He knew that since your dad would always tell him how you didn't want to talk to him every time you were dealing with something. Joel would just tell him to leave you be, since he was also the same and his daughter Sarah was just like him but only less intimidating.

Do you wanna come over to catch up? Human interaction seems nice today and I have alcohol.

For some odd reason, you felt a strange sensation in the bottom of your stomach. Nervousness? Why? 

I'm still at work. I can come after 10? 

Sure. You in the mood for whiskey after work? My father has a nice bottle he refused to open. 

Always in the mood for whiskey.

Perfect. See ya later!

He came at around 10:30 pm. When you opened the door you were greeted by a tall man in a green flannel, with soft brown eyes looking at you. Mr. Handsome. Your heart started racing but you ignored it.

"Hey!" You said and let him in. "Long time no see!"

"Long time no see!" 

Once he stepped into the light of your living room, you noticed his hair filled with even more grays than you remembered five years ago.

You wondered if it was once black like charcoal. His beard was also lighter and grayer.

He was still handsome, maybe even too handsome now. 

You went to the kitchen to get your dad’s prized possession, it was still sitting in the same spot in the pantry on the top shelf, collecting dust. Hillrock Solera Aged Bourbon Whiskey – a mouthful.

“How do you take your poison?” You asked as you put two glasses on the kitchen counter. Joel sat right in front of you. 

“Neat.” He said. 

His was neat and yours was with rocks. You made a toast in silence and took your first sips. It was strong but smooth and tasted like it took a small fortune out of your dad's wallet. It burned your throat but in a way no drink has ever done – it was a pleasant rich burn. 

“Why he didn’t wanna open it? It’s a good fuckin’ whiskey.” Joel asked you looking at the liquid gold. 

“He wanted to open it on my wedding day.”

“I’m guessin’ there’s no wedding.” 

“Not a fuckin’ chance.” You laughed. “I never told him I don’t wanna get married.” 

You were craving interaction but didn’t know what to say, what to add. The silence in the air was pleasant, felt like a warm hug in his presence. He was enjoying it just as much. 

“So Joel…” – you said finally – “What happened in your life during these past five years?” 

He finished his first glass and you immediately poured another one. 

“Same ol’ same ol’. Still working as a contractor.”

“How’s Sarah?” 

“All grown up in college. Studying agriculture in Nebraska.” 

You remembered his daughter fondly. She loved to hang out with your family. Your cousins would always tell you how pretty and smart she was. She was like family. 

“They grow up so fast, I swear.” You said taking another sip. 

***

The night was passing by quicker than you expected. Time wasn’t suffocating you and for a few hours, life seemed normal. Joel told you about his bar adventures and how he managed to get kicked out of multiple bars in the last year alone because of his short fuse. 

“You don’t seem like the violent type though.”

“Oh trust me darlin’ I can be when a fuckin’ moron tries to start an argument over stupid shit.”

Darlin’

You haven’t heard that one in a long time. He turned back time for a few seconds, as old butterflies started creeping into your stomach. 

After two glasses you started feeling tipsy so you decided to continue your drinking endeavors in the living room on the couch. Joel was sitting right next to you watching you as you poured your third glass. “How’s your love life?” You asked, not thinking this one through. Joel's eyebrows frowned as he gave you a half smile.

“Doesn’t exist.”

He never liked talking about his love life and past relationships, hell, you have never seen him with a woman next to him holding her hand. It was hard to picture him with someone since he was always just Joel. After Sarah’s mom he never fully recovered – or that was what you thought. Your speculations were always off when it came to people but you liked to think he never truly had gotten over Sarah’s mom. 

Now you were sitting there, cheeks burning, alcohol running through you as you wanted to hear one question: “What about you?”

A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts, but your words were too shy to come out. You wanted to let him know you were single, a desire buried so deep you forgot you had it. 

“What about you?” He asked. YES!

“I broke up with my ex when I got the news.” You confessed. “ Their death just pulled the inevitable trigger, I guess.” 

 “Even though that sounds kinda poetic, why was there a trigger in the first place?”

You swallowed nervously before taking another sip of whiskey. You never said those words out loud, you never dared to admit to yourself what was happening behind closed doors. You wanted to do everything by the book; make your parents proud; only to suffer in silence as a result.

“I wasn’t happy.” You felt a sense of freedom saying those words. Freedom, freedom, freedom…

Joel gave you a look of understanding, his soft eyes fixed on yours, sharing this intimate moment with you. 

“If you ain’t happy then what’s the point?” 

“Exactly, and I was stupid enough to think it mattered to my parents even though they never pressured me into”– you raised your two fingers to make quotation marks – “doing everything by the book.” 

“What you mean…marriage?” 

“Yeah, and this law degree I have, this job back in New York which I don't have anymore…I don't want that.” You confessed, putting your soul back together. Verbalizing it was validating and therapeutic. Joel just sat in silence and listened carefully knowing exactly what you were talking about. He was in the same boat once, lost and stuck in one place right before Sarah was born. He realized he needed to get his shit together – for her and his family. 

“What do you wanna do?” He asked genuinely curious. 

“I wanna play again and make music.” 

He wasn’t expecting that kind of answer. He always thought playing guitar was a hobby of yours nothing else. 

“I wanna paint, write and just…create.” You added.

“Old artistic soul you are.” He smiled, remembering the good days; your lessons. He thought you were gifted – a rock star – but you refused to believe it. When you learned the basics of the guitar you started experimenting, playing with melodies, and writing songs. Joel would play them. He liked your songs. 

 “I can tell you darlin’ one thing I know is your parents were proud of you and no matter what you do now they will be proud.” 

Your eyes started watering, but you refused to let the tears roll down your cheeks. You chugged the rest of your whiskey down like water. 

“I just wish they were here.” You leaned in, resting your head against Joel’s shoulder. He smelled like pine trees and something you couldn’t put a finger on it – something that made Joel, Joel. It had a calming effect on you.

“I know. I miss them too.” He said. Joel did miss them. They were his favorite neighbors, not forcefully kind or pretentious Bible folks – just normal kind of people. He loved spending time with your dad playing poker now and then and he certainly adored your mom’s signature pecan pie.

Alcohol was running through your veins as the sound of the clock was echoing throughout the house. 

“What time is it?” Joel asked you. 

“Mmmm, almost 1.” You slurred your words looking at your phone. 

“Do you want me to stay or are you okay sleepin’ here by yourself?” 

“You workin’ tomorrow?” You completely forgot it was Thursday. 

“Sadly. Have to get up at 7.” 

“Can you stay here for the night? I can take the couch, you go to my room. I can’t sleep there.” 

Joel placed a light kiss on your head and you were too intoxicated to notice it. Seeing you grieve the loss of your parents had a strange effect on him. It was almost like he could feel your pain, the same agonizing pain in his heart. “I will take the sofa.” 

He stood up leaving you starved for his touch and scent. You were drifting away when he pulled you back into reality. 

“Your back will hate you tomorrow though.” You said and wrapped yourself in your mother’s blanket. Joel pulled out the seat of the sofa making it into a small bed. 

“Or not.” You added when you realized someone finally fixed the pull-out sleeper chair you broke right before you left. 

“I fixed it for your old man a few weeks ago.” He said, adjusting the pillow before he laid down. He let out a sigh, feeling his body relax. “It’s brand new now.” 

No wonder your parents loved Joel so much. His exterior was tough, but under all the layers there was a heart made of gold. Even a simple thing like fixing the damn chair made your eyes tear up. 

“Thank you for fixing it for my dad, Joel.” 

“Your welcome darlin’” 

And with that you both drifted to sleep, leaving the whiskey bottle half empty. 

***

You woke up at around 8 am to an empty house and a pleasant smell in your nostrils. Your head was pounding, your mouth was dry as a dessert and you couldn’t sleep. You checked your phone only to see a text from Joel. 

I made you breakfast. Eggs and waffles since you only had that in the fridge. I figured you’d be too hungover to do anything, so EAT! 

He was right. You were indeed too hungover to do anything. 

On the kitchen counter, there was a plate waiting for you and a glass of orange juice. 

Thank you, my favorite guitar teacher :) 

You answered before your brain could complete your thought. 

And thank you for coming last night. I hope I didn’t suffocate you.

One thing you learned over the years was – people don’t give a shit. In the end, your problems are your own and no one else’s. He didn’t answer. Once you dove into your scrambled eggs you heard a bing. 

Darlin if you think this is a one time thing you’re mistaken. 

Again with the darlin’. Your heart started pumping faster as you stuffed your face with eggs. 

As you were thinking about how to answer, another message popped up. 

I told you to let me know when you’re back so we can catch up and play again. 

Another message. 

Well we missed the playing part last night.

He still remembered his own words from five years ago. You wanted to get back into playing, but by now you were rusty; you hadn’t touched your guitar in so long that you forgot how to hold it. 

You’d be disappointed. I haven’t played in ages, plus my guitar is back in New York. 

Darlin playin guitar is just like drivin a car. You aint forgetting that. You just have to remind your fingers how to move. 

You chuckled. His words made sense. Another message popped up in a matter of seconds. 

You can play my electric one. 

He never told you he had an electric guitar. He would always play the acoustic versions of his favorite rock songs. You decided why not. 

Okay, that’s goin’ to be a mess. I’m down. 

***

The rest of the day you spent in anticipation and nervousness. You tried to occupy your mind by doing simple tasks like going to the store, making lunch, and rummaging through your stuff in your room. You finally got the courage to go in, to see old family photos all over the room and old trophies and diplomas. You were an overachiever, a gifted kid your dad would call you, straight A student, a painter, a writer, and a spelling bee champion. Too bad once puberty knocked at your door that gifted kid became insecure, lost, and consumed with sadness. Once a gifted kid, now a miserable adult. You thought living by the book would make you happier, but it only made you hate life even more. 

You found your memory box under your bed and spent the majority of the day looking at old concert tickets, letters, and little Polaroids of old friends. You were too hyper-fixated on going down the memory lane; you didn't cry. The nostalgia this box brought  made your heart warm. Your room was a memory portal, pleasant and nostalgic, and you decided to take a nap in it. When your head hit the cold pillow your whole body sank into the mattress, and you drifted peacefully, with no thoughts in your mind and sorrow in your soul.

You woke up at around 7 pm. Someone was knocking on your door.

"Hey." You greeted Joel with a yawn, still not feeling 100% awake. You noticed his hair was slick back and wet, and he was wearing his signature jeans and a blue t-shirt. He probably took a shower back home. You swallowed the remaining spit in your mouth as you admired his looks. That man only looked better with age.

 In his hands, there were two guitars, his signature acoustic one and a baby blue Fender Stratocaster in the other. 

"Hey." 

Immediately he put the guitars on the couch and went straight into his backpack trying to find something. 

"There it is." He said and pulled out a small amplifier. 

"Joel, this guitar is fuckin' beautiful. You never told me you had an electric one." 

"Yeah well, when my band fell apart she went to the attic." 

You tilted your head wondering if you heard him right. "You had a band?"

Joel stopped mid-connecting the baby blue beauty to the amplifier and shook his head. "Long story." 

You started slow. You have never played an electric guitar so first Joel let you play with strings and feel the weight since an acoustic was a lot lighter than an electric one. 

"Like I told you, it's like drivin'." 

You took a deep breath, feeling your hands shake in anticipation. The anticipation being you waiting to fuck everything up. 

"I guess I forgot how to drive." You smiled awkwardly. 

Truth be told you forgot since in New York you don't need a car, but once Joel played one chord and told you to do the same your ears immediately perked up.

"That's G5." You said as your fingers touched the strings. The sound was strong and sharp, far different and powerful than the sound coming from Joel's guitar. 

"Another one." He said and played another chord.

"F5." You were correct. 

Joel's face lit up with excitement. The first time you saw him smiling for a straight minute. Every sound he played you guessed it. 

Soon enough you saw the pattern and recognized the melody.

"That’s…That’s Smoke on the water?"

"Unbelievable," he said, confirming your answer. " I’m convinced you have a perfect pitch because you darlin' are a natural." 

You felt your hands get sweaty and your fingers felt still and in pain – it was the same satisfying pain you felt in them after every lesson you had with Joel, only this time the pain was sharper because the strings were thicker. 

"Wanna find out?" You asked him. "Play me something and I'll try to follow you."

It felt good playing again. Walking on that road again was familiar and Joel was holding your hand guiding you all the way. 

He nodded and thought for a second before a familiar melody filled the room. It was Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin. Your favorite song. He took the inspiration from your old worn-out Zepp t-shirt you were wearing that day. It was your dad's. He gave you a few years ago when he realized he was too big to wear it. Both of you connected through that band and now Joel was playing one of their songs for you. 

The precision in which he moved his fingers, his silk back hair, his bottom lip between his teeth as he was trying to concentrate…Joel Miller was starting to occupy your mind more and more.

You shook your head and listened carefully. The chords were relatively simple. You played a couple before you eventually found them and slowly but surely you followed him. He was right, it was like driving. Your fingers remembered. 

"Good girl." You heard him say through the sound of both guitars creating heaven in the form of melodies. You smiled back at him, pretending like you didn't just feel your pussy get wet by his comment. You wondered if he was aware of it – his presence was intoxicating, addictive, you wondered if he was aware of his charm. 

"You're a fuckin' rockstar." He said and placed the guitar right next to him. He went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"No, I ain't." You denied, but he didn't register you.

"A rockstar with a perfect pitch." 

***

By the time you finished your jamming session, it was almost 9 pm. From Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and Queen you covered everything you used to play together. Your fingers were red and swollen – but your heart was full. Joel put the missing puzzle piece in you, making you realize playing wasn't just a hobby, it was a need and a means of survival. Art was the core of your whole being.

Why did I stop playing in the first place?

You decided to have a late-night dinner.

"Hope you like my shitty burgers. I'm a lousy cook so if you get food poisoning you have been warned." You shrugged your shoulders and went to the kitchen. You made them that day to not think about cooking tomorrow, not knowing he would come.

"I'm not sayin' no to burgers." He smiled softly.

As you were sitting in silence devouring the burgers that were actually quite good in Joel's words your mind went somewhere you didn't want. Your crush. Your undying crush that was Mr. Handsome. He was much older than you, a friend of your now-deceased parents, and yet you would still get butterflies after so many years. 

"Tell me the story about the band." You shook your butterflies away and let your mind focus on something else. 

"I told you it's a long one."

"Well, make it shorter." You sassed. 

You shared a look before simultaneously taking a bite of your burgers, grease slipping down your fingers. 

"After high school me and my buddies would play small gigs in local pubs. We were doin’ pretty good until we got into a fight and broke up. I punched the bassist." 

"Of course you did. A fight over what?" 

Joel rolled his eyes when he realized what he had to tell you. "They wanted to name the band Rock Bottom." 

He confessed as you choked on a piece of your burger. Thank God you swallowed the piece quickly enough because you started laughing, while Joel just stared at you trying not to roll his eyes again. 

“A rock band, Rock Bottom! That’s horrible, I love it!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“But wait, why did you punch the bassist?”

“Ah, he fucked my ex.” He said almost too casually and you froze mid-bite. It was the first time he ever mentioned an ex/girlfriend. 

“That wasn’t the answer I expected.” 

***

After dinner, you both started craving alcohol. Since there was little to no whiskey left, you remembered your mom would always have a bottle of red wine in the house – for cooking and drinking purposes. Red wine was your poison and it opened many doors, setting you free and killing the remains of your shyness. Adrenaline was running through your veins when you poured your second glass, feeling your tongue untangling. You wanted to confess more with each sip. He seemed to be getting more and more handsome or you were just getting more and more intoxicated. For the past two days you weren't rotting away, you laughed, cried, ate and you remembered good moments in life. His laughter only made you laugh, his words made you listen, his music made you calm…

Your gaze was fixed on his perfect aquiline nose as he was telling you another story about his band or rather about the bassist that fucked his then girlfriend. You were drifting, wondering, fantasizing what it would be like to close the gap between you, to feel his warmth, to spend the night.

"And that's why I wanted to break his fuckin' jaw the second time."

You blinked a couple of times, praying to God you didn't visibly drift away. Another sip of wine went down your throat smoothly. 

"Darlin' are you okay?" 

Crap.

"Yeah I-" in a second God answered your prayers when you heard a bing from your phone. Your aunt and uncle have been checking up on you, regularly making sure you were alright so you assumed someone messaged in the family chat. You were wrong. It was your ex again. 

A quiet ugh left your lips followed by an eye roll before you locked your phone and put it on the table. 

"Everything okay?" Joel asked, glancing at your phone then back at you.

"Yeah. My ex and his I wanna talk bullshit." 

"Dude doesn't seem to get the memo, huh?" 

"Nope. I don't wanna talk to him. If I open my mouth he will probably cry or lose his mind. I'm doing him a favor."

Joel licked his bottom lip, not understanding what you just said.

"Care to explain more?" 

"You really wanna listen to me whine about my failed relationship?" 

"I'm all ears." 

He gave you permission and you told him everything. Something about this man screamed a safe haven for your aching soul. He was the comfort you needed. You told him the forbidden words. The love you wanted was the love your ex never knew how to give. His love was plain, boring like working 9 till 5. If he made a mistake he would buy you something, it he was tired he would forget to kiss you after coming home from work, if he was horny he would fuck you in the same position over and over. There was no depth, no fireworks. Your relationship looked like a marriage of two middle aged people that hated each other. He wasn't capable of satisfying you, neither emotionally, nor intellectually, nor sexually. The guy was as plain as white bread. When you got together with him, it felt right, because you didn't know him well, but after a year you already knew and when second year rolled around you wanted to jump out of your skin. 

Joel wasn't surprised by your words. He understood them, especially when he knew you during your college days. You were always hyper, desperately chasing that high; that dopamine boost, always getting hyper fixated on songs he would play you – you wouldn't stop practicing until you perfected the song – your brain was scattered back then in the same way as it was now. You were anything but boring. He liked that about you; your wild spirit perfectly aligned with his inner lone wolf. Later he realized, he wasn't much of a lone wolf after all when he was with you. Five long years without her… – he thought as the sweetness of wine hit his dry mouth. 

"Oh and he has a small dick," your mouth slipped. You were always as blunt as they come, but after alcohol – you were far worse. Joel choked on his last sip and chuckled. 

"How small?"  He asked genuinely curious. 

You lift up your right pinkie. "Add another half an inch." 

"Damn, poor dude." 

"No, Joel poor me," you said,putting your index finger on your chest. "It's not even the size, it's the fact that he was a selfish bastard and lasted two minutes."

You didn't know why you opened this particular can of worms. Joel seemed to be interested and listening, but was he truly? Your now drunk brain wanted to dive into something unknown and you did everything you could to stay in that lane and keep the conversation going. You wanted to know what he liked in the bed; you wanted him to verbalize it and then show you; especially since it was the truth – you haven't had good sex in AGES. At the same time another thought pierced your head like a bullet – was it wrong to be having these sinful thoughts in your deceased parent's house? Was it wrong to be crushing on a man who just turned 50? Were you just sad and wanting to replace sadness with a good orgasm? You didn't know and frankly you didn't care. This high was too good for you to stop chasing it – like a damn junkie. 

Joel licked his lips and devilishly smiled. He always liked hearing you vent. He thought you were adorable, getting all annoyed and frustrated and always losing yourself in your own thoughts – your mouth being faster than your brain. 

"Darlin', no wonder you weren't happy. Should have dumped his ass a long time ago."

"Stop callin' me that," you said, feeling yourself getting wet. Wine just enhanced everything you were feeling and Joel seemed to be getting hotter by the minute. "You always call me that and it's distracting." You added not wanting to sound rude.

"How so, darlin'?" He was a tease. You were his darlin' and ever since you stepped foot into his house, for your first guitar lesson, he would call you that and every time you would get distracted. 

"Ugh, Joel, don't make me embarrass myself now." You hid your face from him with your palm, feeling your cheeks burning. You dug this hole by yourself and now you had to lay in it. 

"Oh come on now, I'm curious." He was curious, even though he already knew the answer. He just wanted you to say it. 

All those years and she still looks at me like that. Silly little thing… 

"I- I like it too much…if you know what I mean." You poured the rest of the wine in your glass and took a big sip.

"No I don't." He tilted his head, like a damn kid asking stupid questions.

He was impossible.

"Jesus Christ," you whispered under your breath. "I get horny, okay?" 

You finally confessed and Joel smirked.

"Dear God, take me now." Came out in the form of a whisper. 

He was your parents' neighbor, your dad's poker buddy, he was 23 years older than you and yet you wanted him to devour you. 

"Is it bad that I have a crush on you and you're only 10 years older than my dead father?" You asked. The first time the word dead came out of your mouth. 

"Is it bad that I don't think it's bad?" 

That damn smirk on his face is going to be the death of me.

"If you don't think it's bad, can I do something?" You were burning up and the summer weather didn't help. 

"Of course, darlin'," he answered, and thank God he gave you an affirmative response because you were feeling adventurous. You chugged the rest of the wine from your glass and put it on the table. Then went and sat on Joel's lap, putting your legs on both his sides. You could feel his hot breath on your face, his firm chest and his dick slowly getting hard. Your hands found their way into his now dry hair; it was soft, softer than you thought. His fingers went behind your back, finding your bare skin under your shirt, making you shiver. 

"Now do you think it's bad?" You said, slowly moving your hips, grinding against him. 

His breathing deepened, his mouth slightly opened and he whispered: "No." 

That was all you needed to hear. No more holding back, no more hiding behind a shy smile and refusing to look him in the eyes. His wine-stained lips touched yours gently. His lips were surprisingly soft and as the kiss deepened more and more, his hands roamed on your body freely, touching any naked surface he could find. When your hips started moving faster a muffled moan escaped from Joel's mouth letting you know he was growing impatient. Hell, you could feel it. He was now fully hard underneath those jeans and big. 

When oxygen became a necessity, you broke away resting your nose on his.

"Still not bad?" You asked, almost breathless.

"Still not bad." 

Something about sleeping with your favorite guitar teacher in your living room, filled with family photos, was giving you an ick so you went into your room. Your bed wasn't big, but it was big enough for both of you. He climbed on top of you, kissing you hungrily as you pulled on his hair making him groan into the kiss. 

"Mmm I thought you couldn't sleep here." He told you between kisses. "What changed your mind?"

"I broke the ice today" – you sighed as Joel bit your neck gently – "With a nap." 

Your hands pulled on his t-shirt, trying to take it off and feel his warm skin against yours. He took it off, before taking yours off followed by your shorts leaving you completely bare, only in your black panties underneath him. It was too hot for a bra that day. You cupped your breasts feeling a sense of embarrassment. Joel took your palms, intertwined his fingers with yours and put your hands above your head.

"No need to feel shy aroun' me darlin'," He said and placed kisses all over your collarbones, getting lower and lower. You sighed growing wetter with each kiss and touch. His lips explored your skin, his beard lightly brushing against it leaving light red spots all over your belly. When he reached your panties he kissed you through the fabric as your back arched – your body on fire. You have never experienced anything like that with anyone and he hadn't even fucked you yet. Something about him; maybe his age or maybe the fact that you had known him for so long, he was comfort and you were ready to let go of all of your worries. You were his. 

"Are you going to…?" You asked looking at the ceiling, but unable to finish the thought. 

"Don't be shy, baby. Use your words!"

Baby.

You swallowed, feeling your cheeks burning. "Eat me out?"

Joel took off your panties as he positioned himself right in front of your cunt. He kissed the skin on your inner thighs as you bit your lip, balancing yourself on your elbows.

"I can do that, can't I?" He asked, trying to play innocent.

"Yeah, it's just… no one has ever. I don't know if I'd like it." You confessed. 

You had little to no experience when it came to good sex. Your ex liked the same shit and wasn't as creative as you would have wanted him to be. All of your previous partners were the same – same shit over and over. They were all selfish – selfish and just awful.

"You've been with some dickheads, darlin'. Who doesn't wanna eat this pretty little pussy? I mean look at you, baby." 

His words were hot, but tongue against your wet cunt was even hotter. 

"You're already so wet for me.Tell me if you don't like it, okay?"

"Okay, Joel."

He started off slow, showering you with kisses all around your sensitive and pulsating core, before his face was buried deep between your legs, licking the bundle of nerves that no one bothered to touch. Your fingers were in his hair, pulling it harder and harder as the pleasure was growing stronger. It was a brand new feeling – intense, but good. It felt like he was tickling you and torturing you and yet you didn't want him to stop. Your mouth only knew the sound of his name.

"Joel, Joel….FUCK!" 

You could feel the vibrations of his groans against your skin, making your back arch. When he placed two fingers inside, you knew you were going to lose it very soon. It was too much to handle. He was fucking you with his fingers as his mouth never left your clit. Your sanity began to crumble as you started forgetting your own name, only pleasure taking over you. 

"Oh my fucking God!" You screamed, gripping the bed sheets as the orgasm rushed through you. Your body was stiff, skin covered in goosebumps, your lungs forgot to breathe – the climax hit you hard. 

You were panting, practically running towards air, but not being able to catch it. Joel kissed your hip bone and climbed back up. 

"Good girl!" He said and kissed you letting you taste yourself. A mixture of sweet and salty hit your taste buds – you craved more. 

"Spit in my mouth!" You heard yourself say, breaking the kiss. Your hands cupped his face pulling him closer and licking your juices off his beautiful nose. 

Joel bit his lower lip,  letting you know he liked your demand.

"Open!" He said and you opened your mouth, letting your tongue out. A thick drop of saliva left his mouth and hit your tongue, and you swallowed instantly. Something about being able to finally taste every part of this man was enough to send you into an animalistic state so intense it was able to  cloud your judgment completely. You wanted to take control now. It was his turn to moan and scream in pleasure. Your hands went around his torso as you pulled him closer to you. His hot skin pressed against yours and before he knew it you managed to flip him over, with his help,so he was under you. Finally, he was under you.

"You are a lot stronger than you look, darlin', he told you as you took off his jeans.

"Not strong Joel…just really fuckin' horny." You confessed. 

He was bigger than you– sure; stronger– sure; but under your spell powerless. It has been a very long time since he felt this kind of connection with anyone. He needed this just as much as you did. 

"What you wanna do? He asked and watched you taking off his boxers, his dick free and fully hard and slightly curved to the right. 

"I want you to fuck my mouth, handsome." 

Handsome.

He was indeed handsome. His hair messy, skin drenched in sweat, his eyes soft as always – he was indeed the most handsome man you have ever laid your eyes on. 

Only a gasp left his lips. He didn't even manage to react to your statement; his dick was already in your warm mouth. 

"Fuck!" You heard him say under his breath. Not having a gag reflex was a blessing, since he was big enough and hit the back of your throat right away. Your head moved slowly up and down as you hand cupped his balls making him grip the bed sheets and moan your name. Hearing him say your name all hot and bothered only made you want him even more. 

Your pace became faster, with each movement his dick would hit your throat and every time he would moan. 

"Baby!" He called but you didn't answer.

"Please, don't make me cum!" Your ears registered. He was begging.

"Please, don't wanna –" 

His words. The desperation in his voice was sweet like honey – music for your ears. You didn't stop though, you wanted to listen to him beg a little bit more. 

"Baby –"

His dick was hitting your throat every time and it felt too good to stop.

"Please –" 

His words – too melodic and desperate to pull away. 

"I'm gonna –"

Until you finally pulled away. His head hit the pillow and in relief he let out a sign when you got back up to kiss him

"Going insane, handsome?" You teased.

"Teasin' me like that darlin' – Jesus Christ– yeah a little bit." 

You kissed him again, swallowing his short exhales, smiling into the kiss. "I couldn't resist, you're cute when you beg." 

And with that he flipped you over by wrapping his hands around your body. With ease, like you were a ragdoll. A squeal echoed in the room. Your fingers followed his face lines; on his forehead, cheeks all the way to his lips, your thumb, brushing against his lower lip. You had never seen his face up close, every line was a perfect puzzle piece on his face, his eyes were dark, tired but filled with warmth. He was a work of art, nothing more, nothing less.

"You're so handsome, Joel." 

He didn't know how to react. He forgot how to take compliments, so he just kissed you, almost wanting to absorb your words through your lips. He liked them – he liked you, very much.

"You're beautiful, darlin'." He said, stroking your hair. 

"I never thought you'd go for a young lady like me." You told him, your hands around his torso, pulling him as close as possible. 

"And I never knew you'd go for an old man like me." He smiled, his face inches away from yours – noses barely touching.

You frowned. "You ain't old." 

"Sure darlin'." He smiled softly before kissing you again. 

It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a daydream. He was healing the wounds in your soul with each kiss. He was gluing you back together; like you were a broken vase; not even knowing that he was the glue. It was strange to finally feel an ounce of happiness – true authentic happiness; considering the situation and the enormous grief surrounding you in that house. He made everything go away. 

A pathetic whine left your lips as he entered you. He was big, bigger than any guy you had slept with and the blissful sensation was fused with light discomfort before completely melting with pleasure. Joel kissed the skin just underneath your ear.

"Are you okay?" He whispered. 

"Y-yeah. Fuck me!" You whispered back.

Slowly he started to move, establishing the pace. With each thrust, your fingers pulled his hair, with each pull he moaned. It seemed that he waited for you long enough. You were now his and only his to consume. 

Your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him closer to hit that sweet spot, your ex was incapable of hitting without cumming in two seconds. Sloppy kisses and love bites as the pace got faster. The room filled with moans, groans and whimpers. Time stopped – it was just you and him.

Joel suddenly stopped and took your legs, placing them on his shoulders. You watched him as he slowly leaned in to kiss you as he started moving again– faster and harder. You had no idea you were that flexible. 

"OH MY GOD!!" You screamed feeling him hit that sweet, sweet spot over and over again. 

He took your face squeezing your cheeks between fingers, forcing you to look at him.

"Not God, Joel!" He smirked as he was fucking you. 

You giggled. "Funny, old man!" 

Your body wasn't hurting, he bent you over in half; like a piece of paper; you could see your feet dangling in the air as he was pounding into you. 

"Joel, Joel, Joel!!!" 

"There we go! Come on baby! Cum! Cum for me!" His words were unexpected; since no one has ever cared enough to say them. No one has ever cared enough to see you come undone.

You dug your fingers into his back, feeling the waves of pleasure consuming you completely. 

"Gonna–"

"Fuck–"

"JOEL!"

For the second time you fell apart under him. Your body was completely drenched in sweat as you let the pleasure run through you. He still didn't stop, he was eager to cum; to have that release and fill you up. He wondered if he could.

You lifted your head up and kissed him. "Cum in me, handsome!" 

"C-can I?" He asked, barely able to speak. He was close – really close – he just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.

"I'm on the pill," you reassured him. "Please, Joel!"

The desperate plea was all it took for him to completely lose himself. He stopped moving, his body twitching in pleasure as he filled you up. The sound of him moaning and groaning as he couldn't keep your name out of his mouth was something you never knew you'd hear. 

You felt him fill you up completely, before he pulled out, collapsing next to you. 

He was aware that this wasn't just a meaningless fuck and you knew you were already falling for him. 

***

A few months later  

Your alarm went off as you pressed snooze. It was time to seize yet another day but after another 5 minutes and another and another... You rolled on your side to find the other half of the bed empty. 

"Joel?" You mumbled, still feeling groggy.

When you finally got the strength to actually get up, you found him in the kitchen making pancakes. 

"Mornin'," you said, rubbing your eyes.

"I was about to wake you up darlin', we're already late." He said, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

It was a rainy day in The Big Apple and you would much rather stay in your beloved loft than go outside and be a productive member of society. Unfortunately, you had dreams to catch and money to make.

"Didn't they tell us the rehearsal is at noon?" You asked, taking one pancake from the plate. 

"Darlin' it's 11am." He told you. You didn't realize you had been snoozing your phone for an hour.

"Do we have to go though? We already had two gigs there and we played the same shit. I know my chords.," you whined. As much as you love playing, you really wanted to stay in.

"Yes, we have to. Tonight is some kind of fancy jazz night, remember? We will be playing different songs."

You completely forgot about that.

"Shit! Well, it's your fault old man! Your stamina is so high, we always end up fucking like rabbits almost every single night for like 5 hours!" You teased and smacked his ass playfully. 

"Seriously?" He said with a bitch face as he watched you leave to go to the bathroom to get ready. 

"Love you, handsome!" He heard you say.

"Love you too, darlin'." He said and flipped the last pancake. 

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hi! I'm looking for a fic which was about LWJ and his feelings about relation WWX&LSZ. It was post-canon fic. LWJ felt hurt because Sizhui was formal while speaking to him meanwhile he treated WWX like parent, calling him Baba (or other word but with the same meaning)or joking with him etc. LWJ haven't told anyone. I remember that they were going to nighthunt but LWJ fainted and that's how WWX noticed that sth is wrong. WWX told Sizhui sth like "your father miss you"

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2. Hi, I was wondering if you know a fanfic where it’s like during war time,wei ying and nie mingjue get together and than add lan zhan to the mix. Thank you @chloecov4506

FOUND? Bruises be damnded red and green by amykissthedark (T, 44k, WWX/NMJ, wangxian, NMJ/WWX/LWJ, canon divergence, everyone lives au, character study, PTSD, trauma, canon-typical behavior, pining, blood & gore, YLLZ WWX, golden core reveal, sunshot campaign, warnign: JGS, polyamory, fix-it, slow burn, WIP) not sure but it could potentially be this one. At least the description reminds me of this one

FOUND? Better Things to Do with a Flute in Wartime by Anonymous (E, 365k, MingXian, WangXianJue, Sunshot Campaign, Fix-It, Magical Healing Cock, Dual Cultivation, mild Dom/Sub, Undernegotiated Kink, Golden Core Reveal, Breathplay, Choking, Painplay, Subdrop, Topdrop, Major Character Injury, Canon Divergence, What-If, Temperature Play, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Fisting, Spanking, PTSD, Trauma, Self-Harm, (in the pursuit of cultivational badassery))

FOUND? An Elegant Solution by giraffeter (E, 205k, niewangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage, friends to lovers, fix-it, everyone lives au, courtship, polyamory, smut)

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3. Hey! Hope you guys are doing well.

I was looking for this fanfic where the sects send their heirs to vanquish the Yiling Patriarch, but none of them return. Even Lan Sizhui goes missing, and Jin Ling takes matters into his own hands and goes to find the Yiling Patriarch himself because he's grieving.

So he goes there but the situation is entirely different. All the sect heirs are at Burial Mounds safe and dound they just didn't go back because of all the responsibilities their parents have for them.

Also, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are actually together, and Wangji just sent Sizhui because the teen misses his other baba. And so when Jin Ling gets to know and Lan Wangji comes and they establish them as a new sect and all that jazz.

I'm not sure if the fix is actually complete. But please find this for me cuz I really really love the feels in this fic. @poetic-writes

FOUND! Safe in the Arms of a Demon by Starlight1395 (G, 19k, JC & JL & WWX, wangxian, LJY/LSZ, canon divergence, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, WWX doens’t die instead quarantines in BM, WWX adopts every child he sees, uncle nephew bonding)

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4. help to find a fic please. So there was this Wangxian fic, where Lan Wangji is rescued after being tortured. I don't think it was very long; probably on the shorter side. One quirk I remember is the narration being in second person, though I don't know if I'm remembering correctly. There was a mention of sea glass near the end of the fic. That's all the details I remember. Please help me find the fic.

I think #4 is one of those mer type fics, where lan zhan is held hostage and either his scales are being harvested for medicine or he's tortured to give tears, I have to research some more , but does the requestor think it could be along those lines ?

FOUND? ocean eyes by bunnylan (weiyingpretty) (T, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Human WWX, mermaid LWJ, Childhood Friends, Memory Magic, Getting Back Together, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, First Meetings, Mutual Pining, Temporary Amnesia) tho I don't know if this is 2nd person narration ?

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5. Hi!! I'm looking for a fic where lwj is a fanfic writer and wwx was a podficer? is that the word? anyways that's all I remember from it because I only read the summary :')

FOUND! Your Words, My Voice by AverageFandomEnjoyer (T, 5k, wangxian, modern, canon divergence, fluff, kissing, pining, falling in love, writer LWJ, podficcer WWX, meet-cute, minor miscommunication) and has a podfic! :)

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6. Could you please help me find a colored-blood fic? It was canon divergent, where people with golden cores had golden blood (and normal people had normal red blood). After the core transfer WWX’s blood slowly turns back to red and he has to be careful not to get injured or it will show that he lost his core. In that scene after he is revived JC doesn’t whip him, WWX pretends to be MXY and shows his red blood to “prove” it. I am dying to read this again! It was most likely on ao3.

FOUND? who cares when you're gone by camellialice (M, 22k, WangXian, Hades (Video Game) Fusion, Canon-Typical Levels of Self-Sacrifice, Canon-Typical Levels of Spitting Up Blood, Canon-Typical Levels of Pining) this is a bit of a stretch, but 'who cares when you're gone' by camellialice on ao3 might be #6 on the fic finder. it has the gold blood / red blood thing but not the mo xuanyu part of the ask.

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7. Hi can you help me find a fic I read a couple of years ago? It was a modern au where all the sect heirs were sent to another planet/alternate reality (?) for some kind of reality TV show. I think JGS was behind it but for some reason also sent JZX. I remember that NMJ is killed while they are trying to escape and WWX stays behind alone to allow the rest to escape. He has to survive in a wintery wilderness until the others manage to rescue him.  Thanks for your help. @i-amnotawriter​

FOUND? and from our own/live to ourselves by betweentheheavesofstorm (M, 105k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fantasy, Reality TV, Arctic Survival, Blood Magic, Blood and Gore, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Bloodletting, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Animal Death, Hunting, Mild Sexual Content)

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8. helluu! i have this one fic that i really want to re-read, but i cant find it for the life of me. i remember it was pretty long and so well written so i really hope you can help. what i remember is it took place during (after?) the guanyin temple arch, and i think JGY forced WWX to make a time travel array for him. dont remember much but i belive WWX LXC NHS and JC end up sacrificing themselves to get the array working and they send back the junior quartet to the time of Jin Lings one month anniversary party (i just remember random facts from here and there) but i think the try to fix things up with jin zixuan’s death so it doesn’t happen..? i hope any of that makes sense. could you please help me find it? @constant-brainrot-24-7​

FOUND? ❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

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9. Hi! It's me again hahaha.

I was reading a fic and suddenly I remembered another fic, but I can't find it in my bookmarks. It's a Canon Divergence where WQ transfer the half of the golden core back to WWX with the permission of JC.

I hope you can help me, thanks ☺️. @wangxiansgirl

FOUND! The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou ( E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts)

Not FOUND in this place where we don't have a prayer by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, WangXian)

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10. 👋Hello! I'm a big fan of your blog! ❤️ I've seen that you help to find fics and I'd like to ask for help to find one. 🙏

It's a Wangxian and takes place after the war ¿? 🤔 I think. I remember that Lan Zhan has to accumulate power in his golden core and then transfer it to Wei Ying.

And Idk if it's the same fanfic, I think not, but Lan Zhan has to create a second golden core for Wei Ying.

I'm sorry, that's all I can remember. I have a terrible memory. Please help 🙏😔

FOUND? 🧡 Discarded by teawater (E, 141k, WIP, WangXian, Lots of Angst, Hurt/Comfort, YLLZ WWX, Golden Core Reveal, Case Fic, Depression, Family Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV Multiple, BAMF WWX, dubious morals in the Lan sect, Feels, Pining, Grief, Fix-It, BAMF LWJ) I remember a scene where LWJ gives WWX the second core he slowly grew over the years specifically for him in this one? - Mod C

FOUND? these colours fade for you only by doodlebutt (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Golden Core Transfer, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, …eventually, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Mutual Pining, like really unreasonable amounts of pining, Slow Burn) i'm not sure about the details, but maybe this fits? iirc lwj starts cultiivating a new core during sunshot and gives it to wwx right after

FOUND? three surgeries and a mercy kill by MarbleGlove (T, 11k, Medical Procedures, Demonic Cultivation, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Self-Indulgent, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

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11. Hi,This fic has the whole group thinking wei ying commited suicide but actually he ran away thinking everyone hates him and living in streets. Accidentally meets Lanzhan in a coffee shop who feels connected to him even though LZ thinks he is Mo xuanyu. starts taking care of him and the huisang plots to reveal weiying to all so things happen.LZ is super protective and its super angsty. Also LZ sleepwalks. Know the fic? @mridhu6​

FOUND! Where You Fell by Sweet_William (E, 303k, wangxian, 3zun, NHS/JC, JYL/JZX, modern, coffee shop au, angst w happy ending, homeless au, pining, getting together, slow burn, implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, self-esteem issues, autistic character, WWX has ADHD, panic attacks, hurt/comfort, implied/referenced sex work, implied/referenced substance abuse) but i dont remember reading about some of the details the asker mentioned, so it might not be the same fic

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12. Hello! Read a fic a couple months ago and have been scouring the internet to find it for the past week. (My apologies for the very bad recalling of what happened in the fic) Anyway, basic plot points that i remember was wwx had been asked to paint lwj bedroom walls and was given a key to his apartment (fairly sure they were already friends before this tho) also lwj had a pet rabbit that wwx would often feed. Sorry! I know there's not much to work with it for finding fic but I'd really appreciate @mopdopplophop

FOUND? show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, modern, artist au, communication failure, pining, angst w happy ending, demisexual WWX, mentioned past LWJ/OMCs, eventual smut, gossip, getting together, crack treated seriously, friends to friends w benefits to lovers, WWX pov)

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13. Hi! I'm trying to find a fic I've read a while ago. On that fic, an old person at Yilling confuses Wwx with a woman, and gives him a discount because they think he's a young woman who was abandoned with her son by her husband. Wwx starts dressing as a woman to gain people's sympathy and get discounts. He accidentally describes his husband as being Lwj, and when Lwj goes to Yilling people all but siege him because they think he's the scoundrel who abandoned his wife and son.

FOUND? Mother Knows Best by misbehavingvigilante (M, 12k, wangxian, canon divergence, crossdressing, food issues, gender identity, gender noncomforming, trans WWX, poverty)

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14. A) Hi, I'm trying to find a fic where its female wei ying who becomes pregnant with twins and is perilously I'll so lan zhan volunteers to marry her but something about a caravan attacked by jin and her becoming so I'll happens.. any idea

B) Hi, I'm trying to find a fic where wei ying is disguised as lan zhans bride fo be and weirdly makes friends with lan Quiren by being he model in law? @quxxnrandonmness27​

14B)

FOUND? Wei Wuxian, Who’s That? by bumbledees (T, 48k, wangxian, crossdressing, pining, sibling feels)

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15. Hi could you help me find this fic, I think it's been deleted

I know the summary went like this

Wei Wuxian begins weakly, but Lan-laoshi, cruel as he is, continues speaking.“Well? I have provided you with three choices. You move, you act, or you let Wangji tutor you after school.” Lan-laoshi raises an eyebrow. “I, of course, recommend option two, as it would solve everyone’s problems, but alas. Teenagers.”He should choose to move classes. Lan-laoshi is right – it would help him focus, and it would help his grades, and Madam Yu would be less disappointed in him than she usually is. And Lan Wangji would be rid of him, which would undoubtedly make him more comfortable in his own damn class.But Wei Wuxian is weak. And horrible, and selfish, and so he chooses the third option. “Lan Wangji,” he says, turning to him with pleading eyes, “Lan-er-gege, light of my life – would you terribly mind tutoring me after school?”

Any help would be appreciated @imgonnablogtheworldtodeath

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16. Hi so i read this fic but i cant remember its name.this is a fic in which wangxian adopt a abused ayuan .he was abused by xue yang i think.and they adopt him and ayuan still has that trauma but slwlu overcomes it @rosy1324

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17. Hii for the next fic finder pls help me with a story where 

wwx gets de aged (post canon) and doesn’t remember that Jiang Yanli is dead but he gets happy to see jin Ling even says something about JY to him (that he should address him better cause he’s his nephew). Then he goes to lotus pier because he wants to be with JC but he starts remembering more things and is sent back  to cloud recess. The more the time pases the more he remembers and he gets where he remembers the wens, he’s happy to see Sizhui but discontented with the fact that after all he dies. 

After that, His body kind of shuts down (replicating  the years that was dead) and lwj has to keep passing energy so he doesn’t die and after a week or something he finally wakes up with full memory of what happened. 

Thank you!! 💙💙

FOUND? Rewritten by yamadori (Katsumi27) (G, 6k, wangxian, JC & WWX, age regression/de-aging, hurt/comfort)

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18. Fic Finder for a twitter thread fic? It was Modern AU, LQR POV, and he was Convinced WWX was abusive toward LWJ. LWJ gets very sick and isn't answering LQR's phonecalls, and LQR assumes WWX is isolating LWJ from his family; it's implied LWJ had actually pulled away from LQR because of LQR's behavior. WWX and LWJ owned a farm with the wens and were raising a-Yuan. LQR goes to the farm for the first time and ends up seeing how much WWX cares for LWJ. @lewiscarrolatemybrain​

FOUND? Twitter thread by enigmatree

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19. Hi! Can you help me find a fic? it is a time travel fic wherein Wangxian, Ayuan, Xicheng time traveled in the middle of Past wwx and jzx's fight? Yilling Laozu was hurt and he's craddling ayuan. There's also a part where the past characters thought HGJ and YLL were married and had a child which is Ayuan. It is also not Xicheng friendly if I remembered correctly. Thank you! @sandralyne07

FOUND? How did I end up with this Frozen Heart? by Grace_ShadowWolf (TaubeLePigeon) (T, 53k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It, PTSD, Angst with a Happy Ending, YP!WWX, twin prides of yunmeng are horrified at the relationship between their future selves, YP!WWX has short hair, Canon Divergence, Self-Indulgent, wangxian get together early, Songfic, JC Bashing, LXC Bashing)

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20. Hello! I’m looking for a fic where I think WWX was a dragon or fox who imprinted on LWJ and refused to leave him. I don’t remember much but I think there was a scene where LXC says he can’t do anything about it because dragons/foxes are celestial beings and that LWJ should study some books… or something like that.

FOUND? To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

#20 sounds like a fic where Wei ying was a literal tiny noodle dragon 🐉  that literally imprinted on lan zhan and would ride on his shoulders and go to classes with him lol and they had to research how to get him back to human form. Wei ying apparently was messing around with arrays or something and sumoned and then was trapped by a celestial dragon being form.   they fix it and then Wei ying becomes human and wakes up in bed with lan zhan lol

FOUND? Strange Magic by Sabinasan (T, 18k, wangxian, Alternate Universe, Cursed WWX, Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Possessive WWX, Protective WWX, Sharing a Bed, Sharing Clothes, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Hair Brushing)

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[kettlefire]

Danny remembers the pain he felt when ectoplasm invaded his DNA. When part of his humanity was shredded away and replaced with something foreign.

All the emotions that ran through him, stopping his train of thought in it's place. The only thing he could think about was the pain.

Then it was empty. Hollow.

He was scared when he woke up, when he realized the changes that shifted into his body. Realized he was the very thing his parents hated.

But he wasn't scared, not really. He saw the terrified faces of his friends and he just seemed to feed off of it. Mimicking what he saw.

He didn't realize it at first. Not until he was alone and that empty feeling came back. That strange hollowing feeling deep inside him that told him something was wrong.

He couldn't feel anything. Nothing really evoked emotion from him.

His parents had to be right. Ghosts were hollow consciousness that mimicked what it was like to be alive.

He was dead.

He was dead.

He was a monster, a hollow shell of himself. He was broken after that night. How was he supposed to handle it?

He didn't tell anyone.

How could he? He kept pretending everything was okay. Stayed awake at night, staring at his ceiling, thinking but not feeling.

Jazz noticed. Of course out of everyone, she was the one to notice something else was off. She found out his secret, and she knew there was more.

And she didn't drop it.

She kept pushing and pushing, until Danny snapped. All but yelling at her. A faint feeling of anger was all he felt, but it wasn't enough he was still empty.

Then Jazz made him cry.

The relief that flooded him when the first tear drop fell was unreal. He wasn't sure if he was crying from sadness or the happiness.

It took her almost twenty minutes to break that barrier Danny created around his emotions.

He had died.

Even if it wasn't completely, he died. He was in shock. This whole time that he thought he was a monster, he's psyche was just trying to protect him.

Protect him from the realization that his life was over. It didn't matter if he still had a heartbeat at times. That he still need food, sleep, and oxygen.

He lost a part of him that night.

Jazz held him as he cried. Sobs and laughter mingling in something borderline manic.

And she stayed to hold his hand through the depression that filled him afterwards. She held her baby brother's hand while he tried to navigate all the emotions that flooded him.

He died, that didn't mean he was a monster, and he had every right to grieve what was lost.

[kilasmess]

Ok so this is an idea for a fic that I probably won't ever write.... Since it's been forever and a half since I've even attempted to write something.... But I'll post it here because the idea is running circles in my mind instead of letting me sleep like I should :/

So it's gonna be dead on main because I fucking love this ship and I need more angst to go with it.

So Danny gets stuck in Gotham right... I'm thinking Jazz discovers their parents now know Danny's secret... and thinking it's Phantom possessing Danny's corpse, they're out for blood. So Jazz hurries to Danny and traps him in the thermos, because my girl is freaking out and panicking and she always thought their parents would be understanding and now she doesn't know what to do. So she traps Danny in the thermos and is planning to release him into the ghost zone until things cool down. Except as she's releasing Danny into the ghost zone, her parents catch up to her, and now they're thinking their baby girl is possessed too, since she's helping that awful awful ghost. So they're all in the lab, and Sam and Tucker find out what's happening because they see when the Fentons try to take Danny only to see jazz got there first. Anyway, jazz released Danny into the portal, and now all three of them are afraid the Fentons will open it back up and hurt Danny, so Jazz signals Tucker to fuck with the portal with his PDA so they can't open it. Except with him trying to lock it from them, and whatever fuckery jack did to the portal, things go wrong. Wrong enough that the whole thing explodes somehow. Idk, Idk shit about electronics of Fenton fuckery so let's pretend this makes sense somehow. Anyways, they all die in the resulting explosion. And now Danny's trapped in the ghost zone since his portal was destroyed and he doesn't know how to make his own portals yet. Whatever. Point is, he's stuck, and he's confused and trying desperately to get back home because something is very very wrong. Either way, it takes him a while to make it back home. Except...

When he does make it back, it's to realize that everyone he loves is dead. He has no real way to know wtf happened, only that something exploded and now they're all dead. So, he's grieving, ofc. He's remembering what happened when everyone died in another timeline, and he doesn't want that to repeat. He's hurting and breaking down but he knows he doesn't want to become Dan, so he breaks down, makes it back to the ghost zone and just kinda drifts. Let's pretend at this point clockwork decided it's time to do something for the young halfa, give him a way to keep himself occupied so he can stop slowly letting his grief consume him. He has him start taking care of his kingly duties. Figures that's the best way from having the kid fade into a shade without a purpose. After all, his obsession is protection right? Gotta give him something to protect, and what better something than the realms he obtained by right of conquest.

Danny throws himself into it. It feeds into his obsession, and he's able to stop thinking about everything that he's lost. He's lost so much and he's not even fully sure how it happened, and he could ask clockwork, but frankly, he thinks finding out might just be the thing that breaks him. So he never asks, he throws himself into paperwork, and politics and setting a few of the realms that had fallen into disarray back to rights. He spends so much time in this, but he's not taking care of himself, obvs, and his rogues and mentors are worried for him. He's not actively wallowing anymore, and he's a great fucking king but he's also.... Not moving on..? He doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, and outright refuses to transform back into human. Which has clockwork worried... Again, because well, being a halfa is supposed to be all about balance. The perfect balance between dead and alive. but Danny is ... not balanced at all, to the point where his human half could very well end up dying. It's being, let's say about 5 years since he's taken on his duties, bout 7 or so since everyone he loved died, and he's transformed as little as possible, but let's say he's around 24ish, give or take, idk I want an older Danny. Point is, clockwork decides it's time to intervene again. He pulls a few strings with his buddy Lady Gotham, who has a depressed kinda ghost of her own and hey, if her kid can become friends with the king then all the better right? Don't worry she won't interfere much... that's clockworks job anyways.

Fuck I hate leaving things like this but I'm falling asleep so I'll try to continue this idea later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[somethingpersonarelated]

Another No More What Ifs Analysis

Okay, so... between wanting to analyze this and Our Light, and the kpop posts that I'll be doing that overlap with this. This blog will turn into Persona Music Analysis hour. Long post. Heavy spoilers for P5R, Proof of Justice, and Mementos Mission. BEGIN!

Let's begin with some context for the song. I think this is crucial to understanding why it is associated with Akechi's character. If you're familiar with this, you can skip to the lyrical analysis! The best analogy is that Beneath the Mask is to Akira as NMWI is to Akechi, in my opinion. Proof of Justice was an OVA released with the P5 anime (in May 2019) a couple months before the release of Persona 5 Royal in Japan (October of the same year). This OVA is centered around the relationship between Akira and Akechi. Specifically, Akira's grieving process as he goes through the places where they used to meet to find clues about the phrase "Proof of Justice" which was written in the Leblanc crossword. The Jazz Jin, as noted by Muhen here, is a place where Akechi would typically go alone. He also notes in confidant rank 4 that it wasn't necessarily a place that he was keeping secret, but that he never brought people around there since it was his personal space to reflect. As we'll examine, the content of the lyrics is too specific to not be related to the story, and there aren't any other characters or themes I could think are as associated with the song as Goro Akechi. Just wanted to clear this up first, as for some it's not entirely clear why the song is specifically Akechi's (since it's not explicitly stated, and the lyrics are hard to catch while you're playing through normally).

Lyrical Analysis

people come and they go some people may stay with you though I am all alone tonight and I kept on asking myself questions

The very first line is one of the easiest to dissect. Goro, since the death of his mother, has had few stable figures in his life, whether it is his parents, family, or friends. This also extends to his line of work as a celebrity detective, as he is kept so busy that there are very few people he sees on a regular basis, at all. He notes in the second confidant rank (if you choose to ask if he has no friends) that he doesn't have people that he chooses to spend time with. [I chose this option on my last play through and remember it but I can't find the dialogue anywhere].

The doubt that grows in this verse comes from the second line. He is taken by surprise that there is someone he is giving thought to for more than a couple seconds at time. Someone he is... to some degree choosing to spend time with even though he is doing it for the mission. At first, to investigate the Phantom Thieves identity to prevent them from interfering in his revenge plot, and then to lure Akira into a death trap. Tying it back to the first line analysis with the third and fourth line, this dissonance has put the first example of his doubt in this song.

Conceited I was at time I never really doubted myself But tonight got me thinking about it all if I am the fool or what not

There is a self-awareness that Goro always has about his personas (in the metaphorical sense). Goro kind of knows that he's arrogant and it was not ever something that bothered him. Even his character flaws will not get in the way of his plan, even if those flaws are just his humanity peeking through. There's a longing in Lyn's delivery of the last two lines here. He's stumped as to why he feels this way and the inner conflict makes him pause more than he is comfortable with.

"If I am the fool or what not." This line, is literally perfect, the double meaning is just ugh! We'll see this idea again near the end of the song, but I want to take an opportunity to talk about it now. For two years, Goro was the only Persona-user he knew, so he had no reason to believe anyone would ever stand a chance against him. Not only is he angered at himself for allowing Akira to get close to him and cause these doubts but he's also questioning what his role was.

I do not regret with my choices I'm rather proud ooh I know I won't change anything because I can only be me so

I had already written parts of this analysis like two months ago but I saw a post written by @vashtijoy here on how Mementos mission has a sneaky reference to this song. So check that out! It's something I never noticed.

Before Shido's palace, there's an acceptance of the circumstances in this line, that he has to do it regardless of what he may think because he has a goal. Throughout the third semester, we see an Akechi that is alive and tried to deal with the consequences of his actions before Maruki took that opportunity away from him. But he does not show remorse for what he did, that it was the only path he could have chosen with the information he knew.

How can I be so sure? at a crossroads I'm afraid too But I can't let fear get the best of me Someone once said burn my dread babe

This verse... this verse makes me wanna cry. I cannot even lie to you. The direct statement that there is fear behind the fact that he doesn't want to kill Akira and the acknowledgement in the last two lines that one of them has to end up dead. That he is also acknowledging that Akira must also be fearful, by playing with fire through continuing to lead the Phantom Thieves. The doubt is consuming him in this verse. The crossroad offers two choices, one where he sacrifices himself for Akira and one where Akira no longer is with him. The reference to Persona 3 really carries the weight here with this theory. I would explain more but I only spoiler tagged for P5R so we move.

Who knows what tomorrow holds? just wanna live my life the way I want what fills up my soul is passionate music that makes me want to sing

The first line, to me, reads that he's given up on allowing himself to think if there's another way to resolve his doubts. That there's another path where neither of them die and that it can't exist. He wants to live freely, which is what he thinks is assured once his revenge plan is complete. In another world, maybe it was one where both of them could be together without this chasing them. The last two lines I don't have a particular opinion about, but I think they add to the fact that Goro has given up entertaining other possibilities.

my story will be starring me just like yours ooh ooh who knows when will it end what matters most is how you bring joy to life so

I think about confidant rank 8. It feels written all over this line, and we come back to an idea that was present with "If I am the fool or what not." I think there's a bit of that 'hatred' that he talks about, that he's resentful that Akira story will end differently than his own. He's waiting for the day to come and resolves by centering himself, that once his goal is achieved, that he will achieve joy for the first time in his life. Refusing to acknowledge that Akira was showing him companionship that brought him happiness for one last time.

The Theme of Doubt

One of the things I have had trouble defining is what the doubt Goro is referring to is, or why the doubt is there. It's one of the things that is left in the air. Speculating here a little more than I usually will try to: the doubt stems from the fact that Goro is enjoying his time with the protagonist and is unsure what that means. In terms of what he is doubting, I'm not sure, I don't think he is referring to his plan, but rather the fact that Akira is caught up in it at all. His resolve to complete his plan never changes, but he wishes he could choose to leave him out of this. This tracks with a line stated by the SIU director which implies that some of the cruel actions carried out by the conspiracy/antisocial force by Akechi are not entirely his idea. He still carries them out without hesitation, but he never thinks of them himself. One of the reasons I wrote out this analysis was to see if there were any opinions on what this part of the song meant since I have trouble wrapping my head around it myself.

Goro, in base game and third semester, never shows any form of doubt or regret to the protagonist directly, only brief flickers and implications from dialogue. But this song is layered with it and bashes you in by telling you that it is what he is struggling with most when it comes to executing his plan. It's what nags at me even though I've tried to analyze this song a couple of times on my own.

IN CONCLUSION: I obviously hate goro akechi. (lying is fun)

[blues-valentine]

It took me so long to finish One Day on Netflix because it’s worst when you know what’s next and I was putting it off because I didn’t know if i was emotionally ready and it absolutely broke me. I couldn’t stop crying. There’s so much I can say but really it’s just that — one day can change everything in your life. And while I was watching it [because I knew what was coming] I kept holding onto those moments of happiness between Emma and Dex and trying to prepare myself for what was coming and really, life itself it’s like that, we don’t know what’s happening tomorrow so let’s enjoy our time right now.

And you know, I usually dislike the female character death trope when it comes with the sole propose of furthering a male characters arc but I feel like this is not the case. Dex was already better because of Emma and we saw that happen in his life while she was alive. We saw Dex touch rock botton while Emma kept being his anchor. We saw them drift apart only to become better people individually and come back together. We saw them together in their struggles and happiness. Dex was already a better person because of her. Emma’a death is not the entire plot of the series. It’s just one episode. And we did saw Dex fall back into his old habits after her death similarly to how he’d grieve for his mom but he put himself together again, not just for Emma but for Jazz too. One Day isn’t about Dex learning to be better because of Emma’s death — it’s a story of two people connecting over almost two decades — it’s about friendship, love, lost and grief.

And I don’t think Emma and Dex wasted time. It’s sad they didn’t get to spent so much time together as a romantic couple but they didn’t waste almost two decades. They were in each others lives. They grew up together. Their life got cut short by a situation neither of them could have predicted. Because that’s life.

And I really hope they are engraving those Emmy thropies for Best Lead Actor and Actress for Limited Series with Ambika Mod and Leo Woodall. They did so amazing and connected with the characters. It was beyond beautiful.

[talzane]

Ever had a family member suddenly decide that they're vegan/vegetarian/whatever, and then another family member is overcome with the sudden urge to tell everybody at every restaurant y'all go to because, "well what if they need to know?" It's all supportive but also...judgmental or creepy. I honestly think it is a way to feel in control of the situation.

That seems like Jack and Maddie Fenton about Danny being a ghost.

Danny told his parents he was a ghost, and after far too many questions, a lab analysis--whether he agreed to it or not--and several weeks of grieving, during which Danny was grounded for, "going into the lab when we told you not to," his parents had been so supportive!

"Of course Principal Ishiyama needs to know, sweetie, somebody has to excuse all your tardies when you're fighting ghosts!"

"Mr. Lancer and Falluca, too, Mads. They've been worried about our Danny!"

"I'll have you know my son is the greatest ghost hunter in the whole wide world! Right, Danny-boy?"

"Nobody understands ghosts like us, *we* know about hybrids, Vladdie, and that's why you should officially hire us as Amity Park's ghost hunting task force!"

"Don't talk about D-E-A-T-H around him, he's D-E-A-D, remember, Jack? We have to be sensitive, that's what Jazz said."

"Back away from my son, you ectoplasmic manifestation of post-human consciousness! Not you, Sweetie!"

"Don't you touch one hair on my half dead son's head, Wisconsin Ghost!"

"Danny, I'm glad to see you alive again! You're spending too much time as a ghost, we hardly ever see you!"

"Danny, maybe you should spend more time as a human with your friends, you know your dad and I can take care of those pesky ghosts."

"Danny, you should really only be human in the lab. We've talked about this! It could be dangerous."

"Young man, when we said you were grounded, we meant no floating above the couch, either! Don't you turn your ears intangible to avoid listening to me either!"

"Look at this, Danny! We just finished installing a ghost monitoring system in the house so Maddie and I can know whenever you're home! Isn't it great?"

"Danny, you need to stop eating so much junk food! How are you going to stay in fighting shape if this is all you eat?"

"I know you're a ghost, Danny, but you need to stop eating all of our ectoplasm samples. Those are for research, why don't you eat *your* ectoplasm?"

"Make sure you don't put blood blossoms in his food, he can't eat those!" (Thanks for telling everyone.)

"How dare you prank my poor, baby boy with a shock pen! He was electrocuted!"

"We're not interested in hypnotherapy, Danny was mind controlled once and we don't want to bring that back up."

*Sigh*, "We'll take the stairs, I guess, Danny has a fear of cramped, metal spaces. One accident with the portal and now he's afraid of everything."

"You don't need Frostbite, sweetie, we can treat you downstairs, in the lab! You are a ghost after all, and they are our specialty!"

Of course they're being supportive, everything they've said has been, "positive," and, "encouraging," towards Danny; no way in the Zone is it at all making him feel discriminated against.

[stealingyourbones]

Submitted Prompts #4

I've had this idea for a while and I think I sent it to someone before but I wanna talk about it again. I think I got it from a post a long time ago.

AU where Maddie is turned half ghost instead. After the accident, life went on as usual, Maddie and Jack got married, Vlad isn't evil and is a good family friend and uncle.

But things weren't quite right, Maddie had started to gain powers after the accident. She never told anyone about them, not even Jack or Vlad. She was curious about them though, and experimented in secret. She creates and discovers many things, including the ghost zone. It started off innocent, but something in Maddie began to change and twist.

Maybe she wasn't taking care of her ghost half (she didn't know she had to) or maybe it was in her all along. It did not help that she had formed two different obsessions. Normal multiple obsessions were considered healthy. But in Maddie's case they seemed to make her worse. Her two obsessions were science and family.

One day she had the idea to recreate the accident on her family. The scientist thought it would be a wonderful experiment. The mother railed against it at first, but began to justify it. She just wanted to make her family more like her, she was just giving them the power to protect themselves.

Either way, one day she leads her husband, kids and Vlad down to the basement for a 'little suprise'. Vlad and Jack do not survive, but Jazz and Danny are turned into half ghosts.

They are both very traumatized. One day they were a normal happy family, their mother was kind loving. Then their mother kills their father and uncle and turns them into something no longer human. Scared, they fled the house.

The scientist in Maddie rages at the failed experiment, and that the two successes ran away. The mother cries in grief and wants her babies to come back home.

The infestation of ghosts doesn't quite happen like it does normally. The ghost portal might as well be a venus flytrap, sure it is the easiest way to leave the ghost zone, but it also has a crazy scientist on the other end who may cut you open.

Maddie still uses the ghosts like Vlad does, in order to cover up her part in her family's 'disappearance'. She also uses them to track down her kids.

Dani still happens. Scientist Maddie wanted to try cloning and Mother Maddie wanted a new child since her old one's kept running away. Dani initially thinks Danny and Jazz are bad kids who should come home to their grieving mother but eventually realises Maddie is batshit insane and goes on the run with them.

I imagine this is the part where someone from the DC universe comes in but I'll leave that to your imagination.