#things they don’t tell you you’ll have to deal with in architecture school

[c-h-i-m-es]

-delicate

nagi seishiro x f!reader

“so i hope you all give your best performances.” you teacher says and collects her things to dismiss the class. after she goes out the door, the students in the class break into murmurs and talks about the project that was just assigned.

you sigh and turn behind to check on your group members, nagi who was sleeping like usual and aki who was staring out the window. just as your turn in front, your another group member, mio comes to you.

“hey y/n, looks like we’re together this time.” she smiles at you. you return her your smile, “yeah but the other two though..” you look behind at the two boys with concern all over your face and mio does the same.

you hear her sigh and you look back at her, “it’s gonna be a lot of work for us mio.” she scoffs, “don’t worry y/n. i’ll make sure to put them up to some good use.” she walks up to the boys behind and goes to slam aki’s desk first. when she gets his attention, she tells him to stay behind after the classes are over.

then she looks over to nagi and you could see her sigh, making you chuckle. she walks over to his desk and taps on his shoulder, he of course does not even budge though.

“hellooo~” she shakes his shoulder softly but when he doesn’t not get up even then, she clicks her tongue and shakes his shoulder pretty violently.

“woah woah slow down woman.” his friend comes behind her, “let me do that for you.” and within next minute, nagi was up, rubbing his eyes. of course reo would be able to wake nagi with ease.

“you probably didn’t hear a word in the class but we have a group project so just stay behind after the classes are over, got it?” you are so assigning her as the leader of your group.

nagi just mumbles his reply and mio turns back in front and walks towards you with a smile on her face and gives you a thumbs up.

the school is now over and it is just the four of you in the classroom. the four benches arranged in a little circle so you could see each other when you communicate easily.

“come on you gotta give your ideas as well.” she says to nagi who was resting his head on the desk over his arms. “hmm why not you do that and i’ll do whatever work gets assigned to me?”

she lets out a chuckle, “i’m sorry but when you act like this, it is difficult for me to believe you’ll actually get the work done. come on now, we just have four days for this.”

“isn’t four day very less time to finish the whole thing?” aki says and leans back on his chair. mio groans, “yes it is. so can we all just focus and plan how and what we’re gonna do today? ugh it covers twenty five percent grade for our coming exams.” she puts her hand on her forehead and pushes all her hair away from her face, “i swear if i get bad grades just because i was assigned with you lazy asses, i’ll kill you both. not kidding.”

“wow i’m so scared.” aki says sarcastically. mio is about to burst out with dealing with the two boys as you step in, “now now i have an idea so why don’t you first calm down mio?” you look at her with eyes telling her to keep her calm and she nods.

you the look at the two boys and exhale a breath before starting, “and you two better listen i’m not gonna repeat.” they both let out a lazy ‘yes’ to your request so you continue, “we have to do the assignment in the ancient arts and architecture so why not we go visit a museum which could make us more known to the topic?”

mio clasps her hands together, “oh my that’s a really great idea, what do you two think?” she asks the boys and when she realizes she asked them, she just continues, “yes great let’s do that.”

you laugh at her, “yeah sure. where should we go tho?”

you both think for a while but aki breaks the silence, “you know there is that museum outside the city. they are said to have information on many things from different periods.”

you let out a dramatic gasp, “is that an idea from aki i just heard?”

“oh shut up, i do care about my grades whatsoever.” he playfully rolls his eyes.

in the end, the plan was to meet up on saturday, the day after tomorrow at 11 and take a bus to the museum which was about 45 minutes away from where you all live.

the long awaited day finally comes, you are walking to the bus stop you all are going to meet when your phone rings, you check and it is mio calling.

you pick the call and bring your phone to your ear, “yeah? i’m on my way, am i late?” you fasten your steps thinking you got the time wrong. “no no don’t worry you are not late but nagi is not picking his phone. can you do something please?” 

“uhm girl what do you want me to do?”

“i’m so sorry that i’m making you do this but can you please visit him and drag him with you?” you stay quiet for a while and she continues, “i swear i will pay for your food on the trip today.”

“hmm tempting, but i don’t know where his house is-” you could not finish before she speaks again and tells you his address. “how do you even know that?”

“oh i asked aki for it incase something like this would happen. anyways see you soon and make sure nagi is with you.” with that she hangs up and you sigh before walking towards nagi’s house. thankfully it is not too far from where you currently are so within next ten minutes, you are able to get to his house.

you stand in front of the front door and clear your throat before ringing the bell. a few seconds pass by and the door opens revealing a woman who you assume is nagi’s mom.

“hi how may i help you?” 

“oh- uhm hello.” you bow your head a little, “i’m y/n, nagi’s classmate.” as soon as she hears what you said, her face lightens up, “we had to meet up for a project today and mio- our group leader said nagi’s not picking up his phone and it’s time for us to meet up so she told me to check on you.” you exhale after explaining everything to her.

“oh my! hello dear come on in first.” she moves to the side for you to get inside.

“thank you.” you get in and awkwardly stand there, turning to her.

“i think he did mention about going out for a project but he’s still in his room. why don’t you go get him and i’ll make something for both of you to eat?” she says with the sweetest smile on her face.

“yeah i can get him and.. i-” you stop thinking of words to politely decline her offer of food.

“it’s fine dear, i’ll just cut some fruits. is that okay?” you nod your head with a smile. “great then his room is upstairs, the furthest one.”

“yes thank you.” you bow your head again and walk up to get him while cursing him in your head for putting you in this situation. it is nothing bad, the situation, it’s just so weird to get in a guy’s house you’ve never been to before. heck you don’t even talk with the guy so much and you have to get him now while his mother had to cut some fruits for you.

“he only causes trouble for everyone.” you mumble to yourself as you find his room. you inhale and exhale a long breath and knock on the door. getting no response, you knock again, “nagi are you awake?”

you could not hear his reply, because he in fact did not reply, “ugh i’m entering.” you open the door and peek inside first. and there he was. still in his bed comfortable inside his blanket. you frown and walk to his bed and cross your arms over your chest.

his eyes are still closed and still asleep. you hate him for making you go through all that trouble but you could not help but think about how cute he is looking, all cuddled up in his bed with blanket and pillows.

you shake your head and call out for him again, your voice being soft before you could even notice, “nagi get up. we are gonna be late.” when he does not budge, you shake his shoulders, but still does not wake up.

you sigh and get on your knees besides his bed and ruffle his hair, “nagi come on wake up.” surprising, that wakes him up and he opens his eyes. “mio is gonna kill you, you know.”

he narrows his eyes to adjust to the bright light and is confused when he sees you, “y/n?” he rubs his eyes.

“good morning aurora.” you tilt your head, “please get up and quickly dress up, we’re so gonna be late.”

“how?- shit we were supposed to meet today, weren’t we?” he gets up and stretches his arms up, “uh huh took you long enough to realize that.”

you get up and pull his blankets off, “get out of there and get ready. your mom is making you breakfast and we’ll leave as soon as we finish.”

he groans but still obeys, “i’ma be down in a bit.” you just nod and exit his room, closing the door behind and bite the inside of your cheeks to calm yourself down, cause nagi, in his morning voice was really making you feel some typa way.

you take some breaths in and out while you go down to calm yourself. you enter the living room and see nagi’s mom in the kitchen, putting plates together.

“can i help you?” you ask as you enter the kitchen yourself. she turns around and smiles at you, “no that’s fine, just take a seat.” you nod and pull out a chair to sit on the dining table, “is nagi up?”

“yes, surprising he woke up before i got tired of him not moving.” you speak but think that must not be the way you should speak about a son to his mother but she laughs, “yeah i know what you mean. i am shocked at how quickly you got him out the bed.”

she puts a bowl of fruits cut into small pieces in front of you with a glass of juice, “thank you so much for this.”

“of course, it’s nice to have nagi’s friends over. it rarely happens, except reo though. he is like my second son at this point.” you chuckle thinking how the two are almost always together in school as well.

she takes a fruits bowl for herself and sits in front of you, “let me know if you want some more.”

“no, i did grab a bite before i left so this will be enough.” you smile at her and go back to eating.

a few minutes later, nagi comes, still yawning, “you should make a habit of waking up early. i mean look at the time, who stays in their bed till eleven in the morning?”

“yeah good morning mom.” he grabs a bowl and pours himself cereal followed by milk and takes a seat next to his mom. you all continue eating while his mother tells him about how he should be more responsible and how his laziness is causing everyone, you and your project group trouble every other minute while he just eats, unbothered and playing with his phone.

soon, you’re done and so is nagi so you head out, “thank you for everything.” you bow one last time to his mom and walk out.

“it was nice having you over. sei, make sure you put in some effort in the project.”

he just waves his hands at her and you both walk to the bus stop. 

“sorry for dropping by just like that.” you speak thinking he probably thinks you’re rude or something, “mio just call and begged me to check on you and your mother told me to-”

“it’s okay y/n, i don’t mind at all.” he speaks in a soft kind voice, “i do think i put alarm for today, now i’m thinking if i just imagined that.” his voice gets smaller with ever word but you hear him and chuckle.

walking together in silence, you reach the bus stop and find mio and aki already there. “how long did you have to wait?” you ask as you both approach them.

she sighs and shakes her head at nagi, “almost an hour. and it’s your fault.”

“sorry-” nagi could not finish as aki steps in, “don’t make him feel bad mio. we got her about twenty minutes ago i think.”

“that’s still a lot of time.” she pouts and you laugh but she goes back to the leader mode in a second, “anyways the bus should be here soon and i’m gonna had you paper so you write your thoughts about the things we’ll see. then when we work on it, we’ll combine everyone’s opinions and make it presentable.”

“can’t we just use notes on our phone, it’ll be easier i think.” you say and mio shakes her head, “yes it will be easier but typing on the phone is not the same as writing. but whatever you feel easier as long as you do what you’re told.” she says, the last part referring to nagi.

the bus arrives soon and a long ride later, you reach your destination. the museum was huge and you spend almost four hours inside as you try to interpret the pieces into some really presentable sentences.

thank mio that she brought snack in her backpack so you are able to take a break and have a little picnic in garden outside in between.

after the long working hours, you are now walk around the town. “i heard there’s an old shrine up that hill. said to be old but still in really good condition.” aki speaks. you make a ‘hmm’ sound and look behind at him, “you are really turning out to be a history freak.” you joke and he chuckle, “i researched about this place before coming here you know.”

“what do you say?” you ask looking at nagi who just shrugs, “i’m okay if we’re going, just don’t complain that i’m slowing you down when walking up that hill.”

you shake your head and look at mio who is walking besides you, “if it’s okay with everyone let’s go then.”

you all put in money to buy a few bags of chips and drinks of your liking, not you though, mio put the money for you, just as a thank you for helping her out with the two troublemakers. she says she’ll buy you real meal later as well.

after buying a few things, you start the little hike up the hill. it was fine for the for, like fifteen minutes at most. after that, you were the one struggling to keep up with mio, who was in the school’s running team and aki who was in basketball team.

“why am i stuck with all the athletics?” you groan as you fall behind the two who just laugh and tease you. but hey you have nagi, athletic but already tired of the walk to keep you company.

“aki.. carry me please?” nagi whines as he stops and puts his hands behind his back. the two look behind at you both and sigh, “come on now my soldiers, you can do it. do it for your 25 marks.” mio says like that could give you a burst of energy.

after the painful half an hour hike, you reach the shrine. aki and mio do the inspecting and writing while you and nagi are sitting under the shade and taking sips of your canned drinks.

the sun is getting block by the clouds and the day suddenly gets less brighter, “looks like it’s gonna rain.” nagi says and you agree, “hey you do, get over with this already, we might get stuck here.” you say to the two and put a piece of your chocolate bar in your mouth and offer it to nagi who accepts it with a small ‘thank you’.

the sky is now making noises when the two are finally done and come and sit with you and nagi, “gosh i’m tired.” mio fans herself with her hands and you offer her a drink.

“let’s eat now,” aki opens the remaining bags of chips, “and fast. i don’t wanna get soaked on the way.”

“no one wants that hassle.” nagi says in his normal, chill voice.

ten minutes, everyone eats as soon as they can but it starts drizzling. “shit, let’s get moving guys.” mio says as she shoves the empty bags and whatever was left in her bag to throw it later in a bin.

just as you start walking down the hill, it starts raining heavily. “well shit we gotta run guys.” she says as she starts taking fast steps, aki following right behind her and soon they are running.

you and nagi start taking fast steps as well so you don’t lose them. since it was raining pretty heavily and the way was just grass and soil, it ground was getting muddy. 

“be careful, you may fall.” just as nagi say that, like he just put a curse on you, you wall right on your butt. “ouch..” you wince in pain which stops nagi as well. he comes and gets on his knees besides you, “shit, did it hurt bad?”

you just nod and he helps you up, “come here.” he takes your hand and guides you under a huge tree which was not that huge of a cover under the raining buckets.

you look for the other two but they are already out of sight, “how fast do they even run..” you sigh, “i’m sorry, now you’re gonna get soaked in this rain.”

nagi squats down and rests his chin on his knee, “no need to be y/n. we’d have been soaked either way.”

you humm and join besides him, hugging your side bag so the water doesn’t get on the inside. nagi fishes his phone out and check it it, “hey can you keep this in your bag before water gets inside?” you nod and he hands you his phone with a soft ‘thanks’.

a few minutes pass in silence, “should we go?” nagi looks at you and sighs, “i guess. just don’t feel like walking.”

you chuckle and get up straight, “come on now, you wouldn’t wanna stay there for long.” he groans but gets up either way, “trust me i wanna.”

you shake you head and grab onto nagi’s wrist unintentionally and drag him with you. you both, well don’t run but take fast steps. a little downhill you go and, “uhm- i.. is this the right way?” you stop and look at him, “what?”

“i don’t think we came this way before.” you look around and think about what he just said. “yeah.. this kind of bush was not here before.”

you stare at him and he does the same, “come here.” he takes your hand and brings you unders a tree again. “give me my phone please.” he holds his hand out and you hand him his phone. he calls aki but he does not pick up, “does his phone not work or what?” he has a small pout on his face and you could literally melt right there.

you take your phone out and cover from the top with your palm to prevent the rain from getting on in, hardly preventing though, and call mio. a few rings later, she picks up, “hey mio?”

“where are you two?” 

“i fell and lost the way, don’t know where we are... hello? mio?” you could not hear what she was saying because of the loud rain. a second pass and you hang up, “why is this happening to us?”

he hands you his phone again and you put both yous and his phone back in your bag, “let’s get under that big tree.”

and so you do. thankfully, it was not mud but grass on the area so you plop yourself down. soon nagi joins besides you and rests his back on the tree trunk.

you hug your knees and rest your chin on your knee. having nothing to say to him, you just stare at the rain falling on the grass.

“’m sleepy.” he mumbles and yawns, “can i?” he points to your shoulder. you were kinda shocked by the request but nod either way, “sure go ahead.”

he rests his head on your shoulder. your body slowly gets used to closure and gets relaxed. you stay like that for a very long time until your phone vibrates in your bag and you take it out to see a message from mio asking where you guys are.

you reply her that you lost the way and got stuck in the way.

mio: enjoy your time alone ;)

mio: we are gonna have some warm food

mio: make sure you guys are here soon though

you: you enjoy your time alone with aki missy

you: have fun

you put your phone back inside your bag and rest your head on top of nagi’s, “those two are gonna grab a meal and we are still here.”

he just hummed and linked your arms together, moving closer to you, “it’s getting cold. what if we get stuck here.. like forever?”

you chuckle, “don’t worry, i won’t let you die at least.” you joke and surprisingly that’s a conversation starter for you. you talk to him about whatever you could talk about, him also giving actual full replies that keeps the talking going.

“you think we should just tell them to go ahead?” you ask nagi when your phone gets attacked with tons of messages from mio asking where you are, when you’re coming or if they need to come get you.

“probably? i mean look at the time, it’s what?” you look at the top of your phone screen, “five forty nine. wow that’s a lot than i thought.” you sigh and tell them to go ahead since it’s getting late and you’re still up in the hills.

she argues for quite a while telling how she could not leave you two especially since it’s getting late, but thankfully she agrees since she herself has a curfew for around six thirty.

about fifteen minutes pass, the other two must be on their way back while you two on the other hand didn’t even know where you are.

“what if the rain doesn’t stop and we have to spend the night here?” you frown just at the thought and nagi looks at you, “geez y/n why you getting so negative now?”

“nagi it’s starting to get dark and we’re still here, the rain is not stopping and we don’t know the way back. shit was it a mistake to spend mio and aki?”

he puts his arms around your shoulder and pulls you close to him, “don’t worry y/n, even if we have to spend the night here, i’ll keep you safe from the bugs at least.”

you chuckle but get a little away from him to look at his face, “come on, let’s search for our way back.” nagi pouts a little, “but the rain has not stop.”

“nagi look at us, we are already dreatched. what are we avoiding the rain for anyways.” nagi sighs and nods his head, “i guess you’re right. i don't wanna spend the night here and we might get sick at this point. a perfect excuse to not go school.”

he get up and holds out a hand for you, “come on now y/n, let’s go from here.” you smile and take his hand, taking the way you came from before. and maybe it takes you both a lot more time than it should have, you find the way down the hill and into the town.

“ugh finally, my feet hurts.” you put your hands on your back and nagi does the same, “same and i need some food, i’m starving.”

you agree and find a nice place to have something hot to warm your body. the shop owner kindly hands you both towels to dry yourself and you thank him before ordering your food and taking a seat at a table.

“that was so nice of him to give us towels.” you open your bag to bring out your phones, which was safe from the rain since you guarded it with yourself. “lemme call my mom real quick.” you both call your home, telling them you got stuck in the rain and will be home late.

after the nice meal, you thank the owner politely and walk out. the rain is not so bad as before and it is just drizzling. you didn’t need to run to get safe from it, your clothes already all dreatched also being one reason and being tired another.

you catch a bus and take a seat next to each other. tired, you rest your head on his shoulder, “’m gonna take a nap, ‘kay?” he lays his head on top of yours and slops down on the seat a little to get comfortable, “go ahead.”

you wake up to nagi calling out your name, “we’re here?”

he tucks some of your hair getting to your face away, “yeah it’s our stop. come on.” he says in the softest voice and takes your hand in his, getting out the bus.

“ugh.. i’m so tired. i’m not going to school tomorrow.” you massage your head, feeling ache in your temples. 

a few minutes, you walk slowly in silence, your body unconsciously leaning onto nagi, “want me to carry you?” nagi asks noticing your steps getting slower with each one.

“oh no it’s fine..” your words hardly get out your lips when he was already greeting down for you to get on his back, “whatever you say y/n, hop on.”

you hesitate but you do get on his back, “thanks and sorry.” you mumble near his ears. you rest your chin on his shoulder and enjoy how close you are with him.

even if you end up catching a cold by the next day, you are still glad you got stuck with him and got to spend time with him.

you don’t forget that mio still owes you a meal. but what you’ll never forget is how sweet and caring the usual lazy and unmotivated guy of your class could be.

but what you don’t know for now is that the reason he shows you his soft side is also because of a crush the boy has on you.

[persimmono]

💗pick a card: future spouse’s first impressions 💗

hey guys, welcome back to another tarot reading! you can tell this was meant to go up in october but here it is anyway...we’ll be finding out what your future spouse’s first impressions of you will be. choose a character from howl’s moving castle using a method that works for you and click/tap keep reading to find your message. pile one is sophie, pile two is calcifer, and pile three is howl. enjoy :D

pile 1: sophie 

4 of pentacles, 8 of wands, 2 of wands, 3 of wands, 6 of swords, knight of wands on bottom 

you’ll give your future spouse the impression of someone who has stagnated and is trying to run away from their problems/responsibilities. you may be trying to go overseas, to travel and to leave/escape. maybe there is a group of people you don’t want to be around anymore, you don’t like your career, or you just have passions that you want to pursue elsewhere. you’ll come off as someone with a lot of fire that’s being stifled. they’ll think you’re exciting and full of life. 

queen of wands, the fool, 3 of pentacles, king of wands

feisty, creative, someone effervescent, maybe even reckless and arrogant– this is how you’ll come off to your future spouse at first. they’ll also see you as someone hardworking and willing to collaborate with people. they’ll think that you have a lot of energy. 

camellia, asters, pansy on bottom 

they’re going to think that it was fate that you two met, that it wasn’t a coincidence at all. they’ll have kind, sweet thoughts of you after the first meeting. their energy is much more grounded than yours, more earthy and slow. they are patient while you are like a spitting fire. I think they’re going to really appreciate and admire this about you– you have what they don’t. they’re like a moth attracted to a flame. 

codependency and embrace love, influencing factors on bottom 

they may be dealing with codependency issues and working on allowing love back into their life when you two first meet. there may also be other factors like their career or family affecting them. 

the house, the tree, the scythe, the caterpillar, the dog on bottom 

something stable and established suddenly ending to allow the exploration of a new path. again, you will try to leave, escape, and abandon something. it could be a career you’ve had for a while, it could be your family. but it will lead to you discovering your future spouse, who will be loyal to you. 

stickers 

study abroad, tech, health, english, an epiphany or realization, travel, feeling lost, contemplation, architecture, interior design, moving on, “bye”, new opportunity, completion, career, wishes, phone calls, music, finding your place in the world, taking flight, september, january, may, graduation, luck, paris, backpacking, vacation, slowness, hard work, school 

zodiac signs: virgo, aquarius, sagittarius, leo, aries

song: eight by IU

thanks for stopping by! 🧸

pile 2: calcifer

the lovers, 3 of cups, death, 9 of swords, page of swords, 10 of swords

you two will probably meet at a wedding, a party, or some type of gathering. they will notice you dancing and having a good time. you’ll seem graceful and lovely, very elegant. perhaps you’ll be wearing clothes that flow. you will give them the impression that you’re out of their reach or out of their league. it really kind of seems like love a first sight. they’ll want to talk with you and strike up a conversation, but they’ll be nervous and anxious about it. you might intimidate them a bit. you’ll seem like someone bright and intelligent with a touch of neuroticism. they’ll see you as someone that has transformed somehow or gone through a change/transition. the event may happen during scorpio season, and they will try to approach you just as the night is ending. you give off a slightly guarded energy. 

7 of pentacles, 3 of swords, 10 of swords, 4 of wands on bottom 

perhaps you will be fresh out of a relationship/break up when you first meet your future spouse. you seem to be taking things slow to them. there is something that’s ended in your life at this point which leaves you heartbroken. they’ll see you persevering through this challenge regardless. 

nasturtium and lily, gerbera daisy on bottom 

they will think that you are determined to overcome what has hurt you. it seems like they may have a very high regard for you– almost like putting you on a pedestal. admiration and thinking you are virtuous, someone with a good moral compass. they think you are quite perceptive and observant as well. despite whatever difficulty you’ll be experiencing at the time, your future spouse will see that you’re having fun and trying to enjoy yourself regardless. 

trust your intuition, self love on bottom

they might think that you’re focusing on taking care of yourself when they meet you, and you give off the impression of really knowing yourself inside and out. there’s an independence and confidence you exude. 

the ring, the letter, the key, the snake

again, you two likely meet at a wedding and they try to talk with you/strike up a conversation after you find out about something treacherous. you might have been cheated on or discovered a betrayal of sorts. 

stickers

leo, august, emotional/moody, december, taurus, july, text messages, coffee date, going with the flow, gemini, baby steps, writing, the blues, beauty, bittersweetness, cute/adorable, understanding, they think you have a vibrant personality, a good life

letters: U, I, S, F

song: 9 & 3/4 by TXT

zodiac signs: gemini, scorpio, leo, taurus

thanks for stopping by! 🧸

pile 3- howl 

knight of pentacles, the emperor, 7 of cups, 10 of swords, page of cups, ace of pentacles on bottom 

you’ll give off very stable and hardworking energy. huge no bs vibes. it seems like you might be in a position of authority. either way, you’ll seem slow/meticulous/thorough to your future spouse. independent. focused and firm, even a bit guarded. you’re not one to rush into decisions– you’d rather take your time and see how things play out. something about you will seem ambivalent and indecisive, however. I think it is in regards to friendships and relationships. like you’re not really interested but have may options and you’re just window shopping, seeing what people can offer you. your future spouse is going to guess that you do this as a defense mechanism and that past situations must have taught you to act in this way. it seems like they approach you anyway with sweetness and innocence. 

7 of cups, knight of cups, 6 of wands, 7 of pentacles on bottom 

yeah, they think you have many options and suitors available to you, but they decide to pursue you anyway. you’re hesitant, but they are kind. you two seem to enjoy a harmonious relationship. it is slow and peaceful. 

pink rose, yellow rose on bottom

there is a distinct sweetness and lightness to the way they interact with you. it almost seems venusian. I think you two will have a good friendship to stabilize the connection, or a friend/friend group will be involved. 

commitment, embrace love on bottom 

you will need to open your heart to your future spouse, but they will be committed to you. the connection is deep and faithful. 

the coffin, the garden, the birds, the scythe on bottom 

it seems like you will go through some type of ending before you meet your future spouse. you two might meet outside or at a party/gathering of sorts. it will be loud and lively as well as sudden. it could be a work convention or something similar. 

stickers

a gathering, integrity and consistency, you seem hardworking, good luck and fortune, growth, new beginnings, november, leo, power and ego, some past conflict, june, sadness, they are childlike and know how to embrace innocence– it warms your heart, flexibility, problem solving, overthinking, truth, and epiphany or a breakthrough, a stable home

song: somebody else by the 1975

letters: B, T, Y, S, M 

zodiac signs: virgo, aries, pisces, leo

thanks for stopping by! 🧸

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chances Chapter 4: Unexpected (Bonding)

Prev

AO3

Bruce Wayne felt lost. This wasn’t an unusual feeling for him, but he wasn’t particularly fond of the events that led to him feeling lost. First, he found out he had a daughter. Yet another child that he hadn’t known of their existence. Then, he acted as Batman. He researched the girl and found that her school situation was...less than ideal. As was the supervillain situation in Paris. The girl- his daughter- had been targeted several times. Sometimes the Akuma went after her from the start. Other times, she was unfortunate enough to be in its line of sight when it was on a rampage. Any way you looked at it, she was in danger. No, the biggest mistake in researching her came with the phone number for the bakery run by her parents. Two lovely people who had raised her and taught her right from wrong. Something he hadn’t done. Their phone call was what left him feeling lost. They hadn’t demanded that he stay away from his daughter- from Marinette. No, on the contrary, they thought it was a great idea for the two to bond. Especially once Bruce had mentioned his other children. 

“Marinette was distraught when the only information we could give her about her birth father was his name.” Sabine had said, adding to Bruce’s confusion. 

“You had my name but didn’t reach out?” Bruce asked, trying (and failing) to figure out the situation. 

“We didn’t have much to go on. Just your name and that you were American and worked in business. Bridgette didn’t give any specifics, and back then it didn’t really matter. I assumed Bruce Wayne was a common enough name, especially in the US.” Sabine replied simply. The rest of their conversation had gone similarly, with Bruce growing more and more lost until the end. They hadn’t even suggested a DNA test (though he was planning on asking Marinette, just so that they could be completely certain). They just wanted Marinette happy. Even if it meant meeting and bonding with the man who hadn’t known about her existence. 

---

Marinette Dupain Cheng was not having an easy week. No, her week was sucky. In fact it was beyond sucky, it was shitty. So many things were happening at the same time, and she was just grateful that she wasn’t currently in Paris, since she was certain she’d be akumatized. From being attacked by the Joker for simply looking like a Wayne, to meeting Batman who was just as angry in person, and then figuring out Bruce Wayne really was her dad and accidentally calling him Batman, to fighting an Akuma by herself (one that she could barely handle) and then to top it all off, Adrien is Chat Noir. And Adrien has a crush on her, as Marinette. And apparently has for at least a month. Oh and now he knows that she’s Ladybug and so last night was filled with her Chat Blanc nightmares all over again. The cherry on the top of this mess was the fact that the class was practically ignoring her. She was sure they weren’t doing it intentionally and that they were just kinda distracted by Lila’s tall tales of Gotham. Tales that include her dating one of Bruce Wayne’s sons. She wouldn’t clarify which one, which was probably for the best. They two closest to their age were 12 and 19. Neither a great option for the 15 year old Italian. A shrill ringing tugs Marinette out of her thoughts. Glancing down at the unknown number attempting to call her, Marinette silently prayed that this would turn her shitty week around. 

“Hello?” She answers, wincing slightly at the way her voice sounds after a night filled with screaming and crying from nightmares. 

“Is this Marinette Dupain Cheng?” A deep voice asks. Marinette frowns. 

“Um, yes?”

“Good. This is Bruce Wayne and well, I’m not sure how to-”

“You’re my dad.” She blurts out, face instantly heating up. “Oh crap, I mean, um-”

“Well yes. I do believe I may be your father. I was in contact with your parents earlier, to ask about boundaries and such. Your mother says that you had shown interest in meeting me and seeing how we’re similar?” He says, the question clear in his voice. Marinette opens her mouth to respond, then frowns. 

“Just like that? We’re gonna meet, just like that?” She asks, hoping that her distrustful tone doesn’t push the man away. 

“I’ll admit that I was going to ask if you would mind a paternity test. After speaking with your mother, I have no doubts, but I thought it might make you feel better. And of course, if you would prefer to just act as though I didn’t speak to your parents and go on with your trip, we can do that as well. I just- I was caught off guard, if I’m being honest.” Bruce Wayne- her father- says. 

“I’ll do it. I- I would like to get to know you. I can’t have a relationship with Bridgette, but if my parents are okay with it, I do want a relationship with you.” Marinette admits, holding her breath as she waits for an answer. There’s silence on the other end for a long moment, but just as Marinette’s about to apologize and tell him he can go and pretend she doesn’t exist, he answers. His voice a little softer this time. 

“I would like that.” 

---

The paternity test came out positive, to no one’s surprise. Bruce had given Marinette the option of meeting somewhere more public (like a restaurant or museum) to bond, or coming over to the manor. Not quite ready to deal with the possibility of paparazzi and the rumors (no matter how true they may be) that would stem from a public visit, Marinette agreed to going to the manor for dinner. Which is how she ended up sitting in silence in a town car with a man who seemed like he knew more than he was letting on. 

“So, you’re the one who raised Mr. Wayne?” Marinette asks, not quite ready to call the man “Dad” or any variation of the word. The man nods and she meets his eyes in the rearview mirror. 

“Indeed, Miss. I am Alfred Pennyworth.” The man, Monsieur Pennyworth, says calmly. She tries not to let the frustration that she feels building show on her face. She feels like she should know this man, like there’s something important that she’s just barely missing. 

“Have we met before?” Marinette finally asks, racking her brain as she tries to figure out why this man is so familiar to her. 

“I don’t believe so, Miss Dupain Cheng.” He says, and for the first time since meeting him, it doesn’t feel like he’s all knowing. Instead, it feels like he’s just as confused as she is. Drat. She opens her mouth to question him more, when the huge manor becomes visible in the distance. Eyes widening, Marinette forgets everything else and turns her attention to the beautiful architecture. The giant fence and metal gates do little to hide the massive house. Sections of the house rise above others, almost as if there are towers. Dozens of windows are visible, as is the giant fountain at the front of the house. Ripping her sketchbook out of her bag, Marinette immediately starts sketching out the ideas that attack her mind. Dresses and suits and skirts, all using the architecture in front of her for the basic shapes of the outfits. As the car goes past the gate and the gardens come into view, Marinette can’t hold back her shocked gasp. Shaped hedges and flowers, hundreds of different colored flowers, and trees and- it was beautiful. Almost too perfect. Like something that belonged in a movie. She jumps slightly as the car door is opened, Alfred standing on the other side with an eyebrow quirked up. Right. She was actually getting out of the car. And going into this massive house. And spending time with her biological- nope. She can’t do this. She can’t- 

“Miss Dupain Cheng, if it makes you feel any better, Master Bruce seems to have run into some traffic on his way back from the office. You’ll have a few minutes to gather your bearings inside before he arrives.” Alfred says softly. Relief washes over her and she nods, finally moving to get out of the car. 

“Thank you, Alfred.” She says, smiling at the man. He nods back at her before leading her up the steps to the door. He opens it and then steps back, allowing her to take a tentative step into the house. Her previous panic is pushed aside as she realizes the inside is just as gorgeous as the outside. Immediately turning back to her sketchbook, she tunes out the world around her and just stands in the foyer, scribbling furiously into her sketchbook. 

“Um, hi?” A voice says, making Marinette yelp and jump, eyes scanning her surroundings until they fall on a guy. A pretty tall guy. 

“Hi.” She says softly, also confused as to who this guy was. Not her- dad-biological father-other part of her DNA-father-Mr. Wayne- not anyone she had ever met, that’s for sure. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Dick Grayson.” The man says, extending his hand, a smile on his face. Anyone else probably would have thought the smile was sincere, but Marinette had always been good at reading emotions. And she could tell that he was wary of her. Why would he- oh. Grayson. As in, Richard Grayson, as in this man was her brother. Or, well, maybe he wouldn’t want to be. Maybe he would think that she’s ridiculous or that she’s just here to get money or here to try and pull apart Mr. Wayne’s family or maybe he would think that she was trying to take his place and she would never but maybe he would hate her and- She takes in a deep breath, trying desperately to ground herself and wishing she’d taken up Adrien’s earlier offer of him coming with. 

“I’m Marinette. Marinette Dupain Cheng.” She finally says, reaching out and shaking his hand. He nods, obviously still confused. So Mr. Wayne hadn’t mentioned her. Did he hate her? Did he ask her here to have her sign a NDA? Did he not want anything to do with her? Of course he wouldn’t, he obviously already had a family. A family that he chose, not one that he had by accident. His name was on her birth certificate, surely he would have found her sooner if he actually wanted anything to do with her? He chose Dick Grayson to be his son. He wanted him. He didn’t want Marinette. He-

“Ah, Marinette. I see you’ve met Dick.” The last voice she needed to hear says calmly as he walks through the door. Marinette swallows back the thickness in her throat, the one that tells her the tears will be starting soon. 

“Uh, yes. Mr. Wayne. Um, hi.” She says, flinching slightly when he winces. What did she do wrong this time? Was he really going to tell her to take a hike? If he didn’t hate her before, he surely did now. 

“Bruce, what’s going-” Dick starts to ask but is cut off by screaming voices getting closer to them.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Demon Spawn?” 

“Not my fault your blocking skills are subpar, Todd.”

“Sub- you almost stabbed me, you little shit!”

“Almost, yes. But I didn’t. I’m sure Father will be pleased with my restraint.” 

“You little fu-” “Boys!” Mr. Wayne finally yells as the two screaming walk into view. Both freeze and the younger one’s eyes instantly fall on Marinette, narrowing as he takes a defensive position. 

“Another one, Bruce, really?” The older one asks, making Marinette flinch back. Of course. Two more of his sons-her brothers- who he chose. Another two that he wanted. Not like her, someone he was going to be forced to know. Unless he told her tonight that he never wanted to speak to her again and made her sign a paper saying that she would never contact him again and then they would never have to worry about seeing her again and- oh this is a lot. 

“What were you two doing?” Mr. Wayne finally asks, and that’s when Marinette sees the weapons in their hands. And the blood on the older man’s shirt. The man turns slightly so that that part of his shirt is hidden when he notices her staring. 

“Uh, bonding?” He says, not at all convincing. 

“Who is that, Father?” The younger boy asks, the utter distaste clear on both his face and in his tone. And this is it. This is where he’s going to say that she’s no one, she’s nothing, and then he’s going to make her sign that stupid piece of paper and the last chance she has at knowing one of her biological parents is going to fly out the window. Poof. And then she’ll be so embarrassed, she won’t be able to go back on the trip and then she’ll have to change her name but she can’t completely run away yet because of stupid Hawkmoth and-

“This is Marinette, my daughter.” Well that was unexpected.

Next

Tag List: @maribat-bdbwm @vixen-uchiha @stainedglassm @liquid-luck-00 @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @jayjayspixiepop @jjmjjktth @mizzy-pop @trippingovermyfeet @queenz-z @thepaceperson @iloontjeboontje @waiting247 @laurcad123 @toodaloo-kangaroo

[abyssal-memories-and-dreams]

Hello darling💖 May I request hcs for Azul, Rook, Leona and Malleus where their female s/o proposes to them - romantic setting with a fancy ring and all? What would their reactions be?

Hi, Luv! Sorry about the wait, but I hope you enjoy these headcanons! Just to clarify, all these headcanons will take place after their time in NRC so that all the characters are of legal age.

~The Boys’ Fem!S/O Proposes to Them (ft. Azul, Rook, Leona, and Malleus)~

~Azul Ashengrotto!~

Azul may not say this out loud, but he is very much grateful to have you in his life. Ever since you two met at Night Raven College, his whole world has brightened. And given his past, you’re one of the only people he’s opened up to aside from Jade and Floyd.

After you both graduate, you open up your own restaurant alongside the coast. It wasn’t difficult considering the revenue Azul obtained at the Monstro Loung, and the two of you successfully run it together. The restaurant is Mediterranean-themed with a hint of Athenian architecture, and the large windows can perfectly capture the sun setting on the ocean’s blue waves when the time comes.

You two just so happen to be walking down the beach as the sun began to set, your feet crunching upon the pale sand as your fingers interlocked with his. The moon was rising out of the other side of the world as the skies turned a variety of pinks, oranges, and reds. Truly a wonderful way to spend the day after long hours of work...

You suddenly stop in your track, removing your hand from Azul’s. He looks back, wondering why you stopped. With your hands behind your back and your eyes averting his gaze, Azul grows increasingly worried by this situation. Why were you not talking to him? Did he do anything wrong?

It wasn’t until you got down on one knee and pulled out a small, black, velvet box that you finally spoke to him, telling him how important he was to you, and how he’s made your life so much better. You reiterate your love to him, and with a simple question, you ask if he would like to spend the rest of his life with you.

With that question, you pulled the box open to reveal a ring lying in the cushions. The band is stainless silver with a sapphire gemstone in the center, surrounded by small, silver seashell engravings.

At first, Azul stood there, dead silent. It takes him a while before he responds to your answer, and even then he doesn’t utter a word until he already has his arms wrapped around you in a hug. He whispers in your ear how much he feels the same, and how he would love to be your husband till the end of your days as you slipped the ring onto his finger, ending the evening with a kiss as the moon rose above you to the night sky.

Were Floyd and Jade watching this entire scene unfold? Maybe. Don’t worry, though, Jade made sure Floyd didn’t ruin the moment for you two...

~Rook Hunt!~

Your relationship with Rook has been an interesting one, to say the least. Rook isn’t known to be quiet about his love for anything beautiful, and he is not afraid to openly express his love for you, even in the middle of the school hallway. Even if he gets a few weird stares from his actions, his words and actions of affection and love will always remain true for you.

When it’s time to actually propose to him, you’re actually not sure if you can pull it off as a surprise. As much as his antics may seem random, Rook is far from idiotic and is a very cunning man, so despite your attempts to be the proposer, just know there is a slight chance that he’ll do it first.

So let’s paint the setting for this proposal: It’s years after your time in Night Raven, and you and Rook have moved into a cottage within the Land of Pyroxene, right next to a small forest for him to hunt from time to time. One day, you ask him to close his eyes as he followed you into the woods. When you told him to reopen it, Rook is greeted with a small picnic setup, the checkered blanket illuminated by the bright sun.

As you two have your picnic, you get very wary of having Rook do anything during your lunch date. Specifically, you’d always get something from the picnic basket, and wouldn’t let him touch it for some reason. He’s curious about your behavior but doesn’t question it, even when you tell him to turn around to look at a nearby tree for another moment.

Before you ask him to turn back to face you, you mention how your love has never faltered for him years after you two started your relationship back in high school. You thank him for all the love he’s given you, and subtly mention how you don’t want your relationship to end.

As you grab Rook’s hand, you ask him to turn back to face you. When he does, he’s greeted by an immaculate ring that you brought in the picnic basket. The ring is a golden, nature-styled ring with vines and small diamonds cut into leaves. At the center of the ring lays a shining emerald.

Rook, filled to the brim with joy, does not hesitate to take you in his arms and brings his lips to yours in a passionate kiss, making you nearly lose the ring in the grass below. He’s in utter bliss with the thought that he can be your husband - and to have you be his love, his amour - as he picks up the ring and places it on his ring finger. As he finishes the kiss, he vows to be an amazing husband as you lay together on the blanket underneath the sun. As much as he wants to go to all his friends and spread the word, he’ll be glad to do that later just to savor this moment.

~Leona Kingscholar!~

Leona does have doubts regarding any marital aspect of your relationship. Due to his upbringing as the second child, he doesn’t see his marriage as valuable to his family. Specifically, he doesn’t think his family is gonna make a big deal out of it compared to when his brother got married and had Cheka. He’s not opposed to marriage overall, but he absolutely loathes the idea that he might get compared to his brother again.

However, you’re determined to break through that troublesome mindset and show how much your love for him means to you. So one day, you arrange a date outside his home in the Afterglow Savannah. You don’t tell him where, exactly, but assure him that he’d love it.

When you arrive at your destination, he’s the first to walk into the amazing scenery in front of him. In the time spent looking at vast grasslands of the Savannah, Leona’s jaw nearly drops at an oasis in front of him, watching as numerous birds fly across the body of water as it's surrounded by endless, vibrant greenery.

You lead him into an area along the waters filled to the brim with small fish that swam without a thought in the world, shaded underneath a large tree in which you rested upon. Seeing this setting kind of reminded you of the times he’d sneak off to sleep in Night Raven’s gardens during classtime all those years ago.

And now that you had this oasis to yourself, you plan to bring out the best of this situation. Your carefully bring in Leona closer to you, making him rest on the tree beside you. Your enclose you hands around his own, embracing the warmth of them before giving a small kiss on his cheek. You express how grateful you are to have him in his life, and how you haven’t stopped loving him since your high school years. Most of all, despite all his doubts and his self-loathing for not being the firstborn son, you’ll proudly call him your king if it means that you can stay by his side.

With that, you let go of his hands before pulling a luminous ring from your pocket and placing it on his finger. The ring looks simple enough, but upon closer inspection is textured with braid-like engravings of gold, silver, and bronze.

Leona sits there shocked as he gazes down at the ring, not sure what to say next. After a while though, you finally get an answer. He smirks down at you, joking about how this should’ve been the one time he shouldn’t have slacked off on his duties. Albeit, he is a bit begrudged by how you got to propose to him first, but doesn’t let it get to him as he pulls you in for a kiss. He intertwines his ringed hand with yours as he comes to accept that you will become his wife one day.

~Malleus Draconia!~

In comparison to the rest of the bachelors, Malleus is definitely the most complicated man to propose to. Not because he’s opposed to the idea of you two being together - far from it, seeing as though you were one of the only people to even so much as approach him without fear.

The problem stems from the roles you pose after you graduate from NRC. Being the next King of the Valley of Thorns, Malleus is swamped with responsibilities as soon as you both graduate. He brings you back to his homeland to live with him in his castle, but you tend to stick out like a sore thumb among the fae crowd.

So for this plan to work, you figured that the best option to propose to him would be at around nighttime. One day, you woke up extra early so Malleus wouldn’t come to fetch you to accompany him for his duties. When he enters your room, he reads a note you left behind on your bed explaining you went to the market and wouldn’t be back until night. You ask that he would make time to meet you on the castle’s rooftop by then, but don’t mention why. 

He’s confused on why you left so abruptly, but doesn’t really put that much concern over your well-being - he knows that he can easily find  and protect you if things go wrong. So the day passes by, and you’re nowhere to be found, leaving him to his lonesome. Finally nighttime arrives, and he makes way to the rooftop like you ask.

Malleus immediately notices you standing next to a gargoyle - a reminder of him and his adoration for the architecture - as you gazed at the rest of the kingdom. You turn around to face him, apologizing to him for such a lonesome day, and that you wanted to talk to him just by himself. You explain how you’ve been considering major changes in your life, and how you’ve been wanting to be by his side more and more, reminiscing on the time at NRC that you’d never forget.

As you say this, you pull out a ring for him. The band is dark, almost coal-colored, yet shines just as luminously as the amethyst and diamonds that decor the top like a flower with its petals scattered. You look at him with an anxious look on your face, asking him that important question - to let you be his wife, and for him to be your husband.

Malleus is confused by this sudden proposal, since this custom isn’t necessarily normal for fae. However, once again charmed by your actions, he sees no reason to say no. He walks over to you and leans down for a kiss, taking your ring and placing it on your own finger. When he finished the kiss, he holds your hand gently in his, affirming that you would make a great queen for his kingdom. Will this end up causing a ruckus from some of his subjects? Maybe. Does he care? Not in the slightest.

[moldisgoodforyou]

take a break (ii)

wordcount: 1.8k

warnings: cursing

part one

____

Around midnight that night, Rafe and Sophie were at the back-to-school party and Sophie was pleasantly surprised with how normal it all felt between the two. She told herself she fit in more wearing a minidress, knocking back lukewarm Coors Light in an old college basement rather than wearing a cocktail dress, drinking expensive vodka in a mansion. She didn’t let herself drink too much, afraid she’d spill her thoughts to Rafe. He did enough drinking for the two of them throughout the night and was thriving in the crowd with a bravado that came far too natural to him. 

“How do you feel about me, really?” Rafe asked Sophie, slurring just a little. He had his lips brushing her ear to be heard over the crowd and was leaning into her against the wall. “What do you mean? I like you, you know that.” She pushed his chest gently, making him stand straight again. 

“No, for real. Because I have something important to tell you, but I need to know how you feel.” He leaned close again and she felt uneasy, trying not to let herself overthink what he might mean. “Rafe, not now.” 

He frowned. “I wanna tell you. It’s special.” 

“Then tell me later. Only if you mean it.”

After he had tripped over a stray lamp cord and nearly took Sophie down with him, James and Colin had been watching Rafe, ready to save him from embarrassment. They’d been listening in and intervened when they heard the topic he brought up. “Rafe, dude, come get water with us.” (Everything had to be phrased as a group suggestion - drunk Rafe never accepted commands.) 

Rafe paused, glancing back and forth between them and Sophie. “No, I want Sophie to come, I gotta tell her.” 

“I don’t think you do.” Colin shook his head and grabbed Rafe’s arm, trying to pull him away.

Rafe huffed and flailed his arm out of Colin’s grip. “Fine, fine! Soph, baby, you gonna be okay?” She laughed and gave him a gentle push. “I’ll be just fine, I think you should go with the boys. Sounds fun.” He nodded and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Okay, but I’ll be right back. Don’t leave me.” 

“Won’t, promise. Go.” She shot a grateful smile to Rafe’s roommates and James grinned, giving her a cheesy salute as he tugged Rafe away to the kitchen. Colin rolled his eyes as he followed behind, then handed Rafe a bottle of water the second they walked in. “Here, drink.” 

“No, no, I’m good. I’m great.” Rafe pushed away the bottle, opting to take a long gulp from his solo cup instead. 

“That’s fine, I bet James can drink it faster anyways.” Two seconds after Colin handed the bottle to James, Rafe snatched it out of his hand and chugged the whole thing, crushing it in his hand. “Look! I did it.”  

“There we go.” James nodded. “Old tricks always work.”  

“Hey, guys.” Rafe accepted a White Claw from Colin, the boys figuring it was mainly water anyways. “I’m gonna tell Sophie I love her. Tonight.”

“Hell no you’re not.” Colin laughed. 

“You don’t wanna do that buddy, you’re better than that.” James shook his head, moving to block the kitchen door just in case Rafe made a run for it. 

Rafe frowned. “S’not fair. I’ve felt it for months now and I don’t wanna say it if she won’t.” 

“Months? I thought you told us you knew after formal. Which was early. It’s still early.” Colin added, ever-practical. 

James shrugged. He had been dating his high school sweetheart long-distance for three years now and was the hopeless romantic of the three. “That doesn’t matter. If you know, you know. That’s fine. But we’re not gonna let you make a fool of yourself for it, Rafe, you’re drunk off your ass right now.” 

“Drunk on my feet.” Rafe corrected, looking a little smug. 

“Sure, drunk on your feet. I was thinking about heading home, you wanna walk home? You’re too old to be missing classes for being hungover, even during syllabus week.” Colin reasoned. 

“Can I say ‘bye to Sophie?” 

“Just good night, no L-word.” James told him, and Rafe nodded. “No L-word.” 

The three made their way back out from the kitchen and Rafe found Sophie quickly, greeting her with a misplaced kiss on the corner of her lips. “Sophie, we’re gonna go home. No L-word though.” 

“No...what?” She asked with confusion as James smacked his forehead. “I can’t hear you, Rafe, it’s too loud.” 

“Good, we’re just gonna take him home!” Colin jumped in quickly, letting Rafe kiss Sophie again before tugging him away. Sophie watched them go, amused but utterly confused, hoping she was just assuming things too quickly from earlier.

_

After a week back at school, Sophie had hardly talked to Rafe. Her head spun  every time she speculated on what he might have been trying to tell her, and she wasn’t sure she could handle it. She tried to be subtle about pushing Rafe off, giving him shorter responses over text and making excuses when he asked to hang out. It wasn’t working. 

“Something’s wrong.” Rafe announced to his roommates, frowning when he received another half-hearted reply from Sophie. He’d tried to make plans with her three times that week and she somehow had a new thing she had to handle each time. 

“What do you mean, something’s wrong?” Colin asked. 

“It’s Sophie. She’s all off.” Rafe frowned. “Ever since we went home she’s been all weird. And now she won’t hang out with me.” 

“She’s probably busy, dude, doesn’t she have an internship this semester?” 

“How busy can someone really be during syllabus week?” James interjected.

“Week after, but real helpful, dude.” Colin chucked a dirty sock at James, and both of them started throwing random things across the room, yelling unintelligibly, until Rafe spoke up. “Hey. Hey! Knock it off!”  

Both boys had the decency to look a little sheepish as they settled down, James taking a seat on the couch next to Rafe. “Show me what she’s saying. Maybe you’re overthinking.” 

Colin flopped down on the other side of him. “Yeah, and didn’t you guys basically spend every day together over break? Maybe she needs some space.” 

“She’s my girlfriend, why would she need space from me?” Rafe frowned, handing his phone to James. 

James took his time to read through, trying to keep his expression neutral. “Huh.” 

“Fuck, that bad?” 

“No, no, not bad.” James paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “Maybe you just need to slow things down a little. You don’t need to see each other every single day just because you’re dating.” 

“I know that, but we’ve hardly talked all week. And she was weird at home too. I didn’t do something at the party, did I?” Rafe asked, trying to think back. 

“Uh...” Colin and James exchanged glances before Colin shook his head. “No, nothing out of the ordinary.”  

“Good. I’m gonna call her.” Rafe declared, leaving the room. Sophie didn’t pick up until the fourth ring. “Hey, Rafe, I’m walking to my freshman seminar, can I call you later?” 

“Convenient.” He mumbled before he could think. 

“I - what?” She replied, slightly taken aback. 

“Nothing, sorry. Yeah, can we hang out later? I can pick you up from the architecture building?” 

“Um...yeah. I’m done at seven.”

“Deal, I’ll be there.” He hung up before he could let himself say another dumb comment, while Sophie just stared at her phone in confusion after the dial tone. His comment weighed on her all through the class, and she was grateful it was just another lecture day she didn’t need to pay attention to instead of a technical day. When they got out a little early, she texted him right away. 

Sophie: just gonna walk home, we can talk tomorrow?

Rafe: I got here early, I’m parked on the side street

She took a deep breath and made her way out the building to his car - the fucking Range Rover that she had never given a second thought about until now. It was just another reminder of what she wasn’t. 

“Hey, Soph.” Rafe greeted her with a kiss once she slid into the passenger seat. She gave him a short smile. “Hey. How’d you know I’d be out early?” He shrugged, starting the car. “Only the second week of school, I just figured. Do you want to go get ice cream or something?” 

“I can’t, I have my first full day of my internship tomorrow and need to get things ready.” She started playing with her necklace, growing a little antsy. 

He glanced over. “Oh. Are you doing this every Monday?” 

“Monday and Wednesday nights, yeah. It’s kind of a lot, but I wanted to do one more TA class before senior year.” 

“That is a lot. Sounds like you’ll be busy.” He tapped his fingers on the wheel, staring ahead and listening to steady rhythm of rain that picked up around them.

She just hummed in agreement, falling silent again. After a few moments, she reached for the radio, and he gently knocked her hand away. “Sophie, what’s your deal?” 

“My deal?” She repeated. “I don’t have a deal, I’m just trying to figure out how to balance work and class. What’s your deal?” She shot back to him, growing defensive. 

“And me?” 

“What?”  

“You’re trying to figure out how to balance me, too?” He glanced over again, jaw set. This was not at all how he wanted this conversation to go - but it also felt good to finally get it out, so he didn’t stop himself. 

“Where the fuck is this coming from, Rafe?” She turned in her seat to fully face him, arms crossed. 

“You’ve been like this for a moment. Before school started, so you can’t use that excuse.” He pulled up front on the street outside Theta and turned off the car so he could fully face her. 

She backed down a little, shrinking back into her seat. “Have I? I’m not sure about that.” 

Rafe frowned and reached out for her hand, but she pulled it back. “Soph, come on. Talk with me.” 

“I am talking. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m just balancing things.” She insisted, biting the inside of her cheek hard to keep her composure. In her mind, there would be nothing worse than showing him how much she was struggling at the moment - she just needed to work things out with herself, and she’d be fine.

He regarded her carefully, unsure. “Maybe...maybe we should take a break.” He said it all in one breath, extremely wary of her reaction. “Just for a couple weeks. I’ll back off.” 

Sophie nodded in agreement without any hesitation. “Yeah. We should.” 

Rafe’s face twisted in disappointment. He swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were almost white, avoiding her gaze. “Okay.” 

“Okay.” She stopped, almost reaching out to touch him, question it, but changed her mind at the last minute. She grabbed her backpack and got out of the car, wincing when the door accidentally slammed shut behind her. 

He flinched at her slamming the door, eyes still trained out the window. Rafe still waited until she was safely inside, then waited a moment longer to catch his breath, feeling like he had been punched in the gut. 

A break, accepted without any pause. 

[forthemorefortunate]

Live Like Animals

Nessian Modern AU

Merry Chris-  er, happy New Year to my secret snowflake!  @ncssian 💕😅

I hope you like the fic! I’ll be honest, when I filled out the application for the secret snowflake, I said I could make a fic believing that it was very unlikely somebody would ask for one 🥴🤔 But lemme say, I LOVED writing this, which is definitely something I didn’t expect. More than that, I’ve never been much of a Nesta or Nessian fan, but actually thinking through their characters and interactions for this fic gave me a whole new perspective on and appreciation for them (even if I’m not the best at writing their characters, aha), so thank you!

A few quick things about the fic:

(Ik I already told you this, but for anybody else reading this aha) This is my first fic! So please take it easy on me 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Okay so this part is kind of weird, but there’s kind of a corresponding playlist 😅 Each part is named after a song. You can play the songs while reading or not, I know for me personally (*cough* my ADHD ass) it’s hard to listen to music and read at the same time. The title is also the name of a song! Except that one is more random, haha (I couldn’t think of a title, so I shuffled my entire library and chose the first song as the title, and it kinda worked so I went with it)

One more quick thing – thanks to @moussescientist @ko0mbayamylord @blxckbeak @chanberry @mikitheswiftie @potatoburp @dead-on-the-inside666 @queenoffortunes and two anons for answering a question, and a HUGE thanks to Skye, @oneoutofamillionbooklovers for all your help and for roleplaying the parts I got stuck on with me ❤️

Part 1: Distant Early Warning (Rush)

Nesta pulled the dress over her head, letting it slide into place over her body. Screw this, she thought for the millionth time, yet she continued to get herself ready, turning to glance at her reflection when she was finished. She raised an eyebrow and nodded slightly at the woman looking back through the mirror. The woman Nesta spied had on a satin slip dress, darkest blue. She wore no jewelry save for the small silver studs in her ears, and her hair was pulled into a neat-yet-simple updo.

Why Nesta even agreed to go to this party she didn’t know. There was nothing different about it, just another college booze fest. The music would be too loud, the air too heavy, the guys too grabby, and the company too... clubby. Feyre insisted that she would fit right into her friend group – her clique – but Nesta wasn’t sure she wanted that. She padded over to the door of her apartment. No, Nesta was quite certain that “fitting in” with Feyre’s newfound friends was something she didn’t care for at all.

Nesta’s phone buzzed on her kitchen counter as she slipped on a pair of black heels, and she picked up to Feyre’s forcibly perky voice. “Hey! We just pulled up, you coming?”

“No.” Response blunt, tone dry. The line was silent for a long moment, and Nesta held in a sigh. “Did I give you the impression that I was interested in coming?”

“Nesta, I’m not in the mood for fucking around,” Feyre said, perkiness mysteriously faded now. “It’s just one party! I promise you’ll have fun.” Bullshit.

“Since when have I ever-”

“And everyone else really wants you to come, too!” Feyre cut her off, “Rhys is excited to meet you!”

Rhys. Feyre’s boyfriend. Nesta groaned inwardly, truly dreading any interaction with the rugby star. Feyre had immediately caught the eye of the local heartthrob, and the two began a serious relationship shortly after meeting. And with one came the others. In high school they would have been labeled “popular.” They were quite possibly the closest group of friends at the college, almost all of them having known each other since childhood. And Feyre had slipped right in among them. Nesta had warned Feyre against making the tight pack of fourth-years her main group of friends, and she had her own opinions about a freshman dating a senior, but Feyre didn’t make a habit of following Nesta’s advice. Rather, she seemed to think she could give Nesta – a third-year – much more valuable guidance. Domineering bitch.

“I don’t give a shit about your friends, Feyre. I’m only coming because of our deal,” Nesta said. Feyre had been pestering her all semester, spewing crap about how Nesta and Feyre should spend more time together. Nesta should get out more. Nesta should tag along with Feyre’s friend group. Nesta should have some fun. 

More bullshit. 

As second semester began, Feyre had proposed a deal: Nesta would go to one party with Feyre and her buddies, and if she honestly didn’t enjoy it, Feyre would stop asking her to join them. 

“I’m on my way. Let’s just get it over with,” Nesta grumbled, and with that, she hung up the phone and opened the apartment door.

Part 2: Can You Afford to Be An Individual? (Nothing but Thieves

Nesta looked around the group of fourth-years–plus Feyre–arranged in front of her. Introductions were unnecessary; you couldn’t attend this school without knowing who they were. Her eyes fell first upon Rhys, his arm around Feyre’s waist. His chin lifted slightly as she made eye contact. Rhys: double major in history and foreign policy. President of the astrology club. Captain of the rugby team, possibly one of the best players the school had ever seen. He was the group leader, though nobody said it aloud. Nesta knew him well. Perhaps she only knew his type well, or her own perception of his type, but that didn’t keep her from holding his gaze a few moments longer than would be comfortable. Then she turned her scrutiny on his sidekicks, so she called them, Cassian and Azriel. The former wore jeans and a baggy black jacket over his rugby uniform in the school colors: black and red. The latter wore black pants with a dark blue button-down shirt untucked.

Cassian smirked as her eyes met his. “Glad you decided to make an appearance,” he drawled. She narrowed her eyes at him, and his smile widened in response. Cocky bastard. Azriel, double majoring in political science and criminology, simply nodded at her in greeting.

After the sidekicks came Rhys’s cousin Mor, an architecture major with a minor in design. She was entirely too peppy in a way that left Nesta exhausted, but Nesta wouldn’t give her satisfaction by scoffing at her cocked hip and half-grin, ostensibly projecting confidence. She held Mor’s stare, matching her asserted confidence with a cool security in her own assets. The half-smile twisted, just slightly, and Nesta moved on to the short girl farthest to the right: Amren.

Amren scared people. As in, people were genuinely freaked out by her. Aside from a few cultish tendencies, her occasional propensity for violence and/or verbal outbursts, and her sharp expression, though, Nesta couldn’t tell why. Amren majored in gemology and minored in linguistics, and was the only one in the group other than Feyre to have not known the others since they were little. In fact, she was studying here from abroad, though nobody actually knew where she was from. Unlike Mor, Amren presented a confidence that Nesta could believe in and respect. Nesta maintained her chilled posture, but let the bite in her expression retreat.

As for Feyre’s introducing Nesta, that was unnecessary as well. They all knew her; most upperclassmen did. Or rather they knew of her, by the name of heinous bitch. If she were being honest with herself, she didn’t mind the nickname.

“Okay,” Feyre started, her voice expectant as she tilted her chin to look at Rhys’s face, “Let’s head in?” Feyre, Rhys, and Nesta had met up with the rest of the group in the parking lot before they entered the party. Fashionably late, Feyre had told her on the drive in Rhys’s tesla. Rhys taught me that the key to maintaining his public image is in making grand entrances. God, Nesta wanted to laugh at Rhys’s influence over her.

As they entered the building holding the party Nesta immediately stiffened, and had to close her eyes for a moment against the harsh blue and purple lights cast by PAR cans. All senses at once were smacked by the presence of weed. The floor was vibrating, and speakers blasted near-deafening music so that all Nesta could really hear was thunder. Jesus Christ, I hate parties, she thought. A mass of sweaty bodies shifted and bounced through the too-heavy air ahead of her, some only silhouettes in the murky haze, through which Nesta saw red solo cups littering every possible surface. Suddenly she noticed Feyre standing next to her, fidgeting with her clutch and looking over expectantly. Nesta shot her a withering look that said, “This is not what we agreed to.” Feyre had the nerve to look guilty.

“Okay before you say anything,” Feyre began, “I know that look, and... I know this is a bit bigger than we talked about-”

“A bit?! This is a rager, Feyre. Do I look like I rage?”

“Okay no, but I promise Rhys and I have a plan.” Oh my God.

Nesta gave her another glare and plucked a cup off a nearby table. Sniffing it, she sighed and took a big swig. “Please, my dearest sister, do tell.”

“We’re going with a buddy system.”

Nesta coughed. “A buddy system – are you fucking kidding me?” She spied Rhys and his dickhead friends in the corner of her eye. “Wow, are arts and crafts before or after beer pong?”

Feyre rolled her eyes, calling a fresh wave of frustration to roll over Nesta. “Can you shut it with the attitude, Nesta? I already apologized for the crowd of people – it kind of got out of hand. Rhys told me before we left but I didn’t want to scare you out of coming.” She gave Nesta a pleading look.

“Tch, whatever. Who’s my buddy? I assume you’ll be with Rhys?”

Feyre beamed at her. “You’re paired up with Cassian!”

“Cassian.” Great. Alpha dickhead.

“Don’t be like that. He knows his way around these things and he’ll keep you from accidentally overdosing or blacking out.” 

“Who said that wasn’t my intention?” 

Feyre scrunched her face up. “Either way, you can’t deny that he’s bigger and taller than half the creepy guys here. He’ll keep unwanted attention away.” 

Nesta watched as Rhys, lead hulking rugby bro dickhead, caught sight of her sister and eyed her with what might have been lust or love – Nesta couldn’t decide. Cassian, approaching from Rhys’s side, cut Nesta a slow, purposeful look down and back up to her face. She felt an annoying tingle down her spine as the crowds parted for them. This was going to be a long night.

Part 3: Inhaler (Foals)

They had been at the party for less than ten minutes and Nesta already wanted to leave. Drink in hand, she aimlessly wandered around the outskirts of the crowd, hoping to find a place to sit farther from the lights that drowned out any rational thought that flashed through her brain. Cassian trailed a few steps behind.

“So, what do you do for fun?”

She twisted around to glare at him. “Why are you talking to me?”

Cassian puffed out a laugh and spread his arms wide, responding, “If you don’t recall, we’re kind of stuck together, darling.”

Right. Nesta rolled her eyes. “How could I forget?” Cassian left the question hanging, still following her, so she forged on. “I like to read. A concept that’s probably foreign to you.” She dodged a young couple parting from the fray to make out against the wall, and paused to reorient herself.

“You might be surprised.” Nesta groaned inwardly and arched a brow. “Oh I have no doubt.”

“None at all?”

“What. Are you on volume seven of Captain Underpants?”

“Volume eight, actually.”

Nesta stopped. She was pissed. Pissed at this party, pissed at Feyre for lying about how big it was, pissed that she was stuck with rugby bro sidekick, pissed that the purple lights suddenly seemed a lot brighter, the music a lot louder, her thoughts a lot fuzzier. “Look, Cassian. I only came here as a favor to my sister. We’re not friends.” He started to cut her off, but she continued, turning so that they fully faced each other, “You don’t have to stay, I can take care of myself.”

He leaned in close, the laughter in his tone suddenly gone. “Listen, princess. You’ve had two beers and you’re already tipsy. I get it, we’re not friends. But there are at least four guys looking at you like they want to take you against the nearest surface and I’m the only man within a thirty-foot radius that has any self-control. There’s no way I’m leaving.” He held her gaze firmly.

“So that’s it – I’m just supposed to trust you? My knight in shining armor, here to protect my virtue? That ship sailed a long time ago.” Fuck it. “I wouldn’t mind taking you for a ride though,” Nesta said, flashing a smirk at the end.

Cassian’s lips twisted into a half-grin, but she could see annoyance rising up in his eyes. “Nesta, you don’t wanna play with me.”

“Brute.” Nesta turned and started walking away again.

“Bitch.” He followed.

Nesta scoffed. “How original.”

“Not all of us are English Lit majors.” 

Somehow Nesta tripped on her own foot at that moment, staggering sideways into Cassian’s path. He lunged forward, arms going around her waist to hoist her upright. Her lip curled and she spit out, “And not all of us are rugby stars,” and shoved her way out of his arms.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Cassian asked, incredulous.

“Cassian, I’m sure there are plenty of girls here that would love your attention. But I’m not one of them.” She turned around to face him, walking backwards, and almost tripped again. “So go on and play with someone else. I don’t care. Just leave me alone.” With that, Nesta thrust herself into the fray, pushing her way through the mass of shouting people, making the crowd a barrier between herself and Cassian.

Part 4: Emergency (Nothing but Thieves)

After five minutes of random college students bumping into her from every direction, her head pounding and thoughts muddled, Nesta realized she didn’t know which direction the exit was in. Fuck. She was disoriented and exasperated, her frustration now showing in her usually unshakable expression. She couldn’t even tell which direction the light was coming from. How many beers had she drunk? Two? Three? She wasn’t usually a drinker, and it hit her then that she hadn’t eaten for hours before the party started. Stupid, she thought. This was why she didn’t do parties.

She was so distracted trying to figure out where the light source was, trying to get her bearings at least, that she didn’t catch sight of a brooding figure wending its way toward her until the man had a hold of her wrist and was pulling her to the side of the room, wherever that was. 

“Hey! Get the fuck off me!” Nesta shouted over the crowd, but couldn’t get a response from the man until they found one of the cinder block walls.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice cruel as he tried to pull her closer. “We’re just having a bit of fun, that’s all.”

“Excuse me?” Nesta ripped free of his grasp, but he backed her into a corner. He had a drink in one hand. Not good.

“Hey, hey, no need to get worked up,” he drawled, “I saw the way you were looking at me.” Looking at him? Nesta thought. This was the first she’d seen of him.

Nesta tried to step to the side, but the man followed her, his senses keener than hers in her condition. He reached out for her arm again, and Nesta shouted this time. “Don’t touch me!”

He put his hand up as if in innocence. “Come now, I’ll make it fun for you. Just have a drink.” He brought the cup toward her face, his hand now reaching behind her head, which she snatched away.

“I swear to God, can’t you bastards understand that no means no?”

“You-”

“Get the fuck away from me, creep!” She aimed a kick at his groin, but he easily dodged it.

His mouth hardened into a line, and he growled, “Just take the damn drink, bitch!”

The man shoved her into the corner, her head hitting the wall. He brought his hand up to hold her back by her shoulders as he brought the cup up toward her lips and-

“Let me go or I promise you’ll regret it.” Last resort. 

He shot her a crooked grin and began to reply, but whatever response he had in mind was cut short.

A voice from behind him said, “And she never goes back on a promise, asshole.” The man was wrenched off her body by two strong hands, and pulled over to the side to give her an out, which she quickly took advantage of.

And there, dragging the man away from her, was Cassian.

The creep tried to play it cool. “Hey, Cassian, bro, what’s up, man?” he said mock-casually, “I caught your last game! great playing, dude!” His demeanor shifted completely as he turned on his bro mode.

Cassian’s jaw was set. He tightened his grip on the man’s shoulder, his stare withering. “You need to leave. Right now.”

Yet the man kept going with a smirk, “It’s all good bro, we can share.” 

That was a step too far.

Cassian grabbed the man’s shirt, pulling him close. “That’s the thing – I don’t share. I don’t play nice.” Cassian thrust his face forward so they were only a couple inches apart. “You said you caught my last game, right? So you know I don’t go down without a fight. Touch her again and you’ll regret it.” With that, he shoved the guy into a table, and turned to Nesta. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Part 5: Before We Drift Away (Nothing but Thieves)

Dizzy and shaken, Nesta let Cassian guide her through the crowd to the exit. Once they were outside in the cool night air, he pulled her aside, gaze dark.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No.”

“Did he force you to drink whatever was in that cup?”

“No.”

His eyes closed and relief flooded across his face. “Good. God, some people are fucked up. I don’t know what I would have done if he had drugged you, or taken you away, or...” He trailed off, leaving anything further than that unsaid. 

They were silent for a minute. Nesta looked up at him, a bit of worry still etched across his features. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you care so much?”

He looked over to her, something strange in his expression that Nesta couldn’t place. “I don’t know. You’re a human being, and your safety was left in my hands.” He paused and looked away. “If I’m being honest, when I saw that guy put his hands on you... I don’t know. Something flipped inside me.” At that moment he looked down to her bare shoulders, noticing that she was beginning to shiver. “You’re cold,” he said softly. “Here, take this.” He removed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders, even when she protested.

Nesta frowned as she gave in and pulled his jacket tightly around her, annoyed at the way her body betrayed her. “I don’t need protection. I’ve lived a long time without people to care about me.” She started walking toward the parking lot, and he followed.

“You shouldn’t have to live like that, Nesta. You’ve been pushing me away all night, but listen to me – don’t you understand? I’m not just talking to you because I’m bored. I don’t smile at you as a game, as if you’re some prize for me to win. Can’t you see by now that I’m doing literally everything I can just to stay by your side? Damn it, I asked Feyre to pair us together at the party.”

Nesta had stopped walking and was speechless for once.

Cassian stepped closer tentatively, as though she’d back away. He ran a finger over Nesta’s wrist and looked up to the sky. “Please, just don’t make me say anything else completely insane. I promise I’m not in the habit of sharing intense moments with perfect strangers.”

A rush of anger coursed through Nesta, and she shoved him back. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t talk to me like that. Despite what you must think, I’m not an idiot. I’m not naive. I am well aware that this is all a favor to my sister. Stay with my lame, antisocial sister. It might be fun, right?” She paused, any restraint she had used earlier having completely abandoned her.

“That’s not what I think at all, Nes-”

“Fuck you, Cassian.” She shoved him again, more aggressively this time.

Cassian caught her wrists and pulled her closer. “Try that again.”

Nesta glared. “Bite me,” she spit out.

“Maybe I will.”

And as though drawn to her by some gravitational force, Cassian’s mouth came crashing down onto hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist, seeming to lift her off her feet. Nesta’s bare skin burned where Cassian touched her, and she pushed back against his touch to gain control. Everything, every thought was fading to nothing. Biting down on his lip drew out a low groan from Cassian, and Nesta broke free.

Cassian put his hands up as though to make a barrier between them, as though he wouldn’t be able to control himself without it. 

“So much for being the only man with self-control,” Nesta said. Cassian just shook his head, earning a light snort from Nesta. “I shut everyone out--even pretty jocks like you. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.”

Cassian smiled his easy smile, and he reached up to touch his lips with a thumb. “You think I’m pretty?”

Nesta scoffed. “The prettiest.”

He stood there for a moment, just smiling at her, before turning back toward the parking lot. “Okay, princess, allow me to introduce you to the pinnacle of after-party activities.”

Nesta raised a brow, and Cassian let out a bark of laughter.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about pancakes.”

She looked skeptical. “Pancakes?”

“Yes. And after the night you had, you deserve an entire plate of them.” Cassian reached out to her with his big, warm hand, and Nesta hesitated.

“Cassian-” She started warily.

“Hey – I’m not asking you to marry me, it’s just pancakes.”

Nesta waited a moment more, then took his hand. “Fine. But I’m not sharing the chocolate sauce.”

“I wouldn’t dare ask you to. Besides, you already know how I feel about sharing.”

Nesta smiled a bit. “Hey Cassian?

“Yes Nesta?”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Two

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Two

They didn’t talk more about it later. Jace barely saw Simon at all over the following couple weeks, in fact. It’s not that he was intentionally avoiding Simon, but they both had final exams to study for, and Simon was wrapped up in guitar ensemble rehearsals for the winter concert on top of that. If Jace had spent a little more of his study time in the library than was strictly necessary and that just happened to prevent any further discussions of dispays of physical affection and practice dates, that was entirely beside the point.

What Jace hadn’t counted on was how unprepared he’d feel pulling up outside the Queen Anne style townhouse he’d called home for most of his childhood. He suddenly wished he’d let Simon talk him into driving together and using the drive as a last minute planning session, even if it meant they’d need to coordinate their trip back to Boston. As much as he’d been avoiding talking about their plan, it really only occurred to Jace on the drive how much he wished they actually had, you know, a plan.

“Wow,” Simon said, hopping out of the hand-painted van he’d parked right behind Jace’s car. “Is that an actual turret?”

“Yup, gotta love those late 19th century architectural fads,” Jace answered as he pulled his suitcase out of the trunk. “The house belonged to Maryse’s grandparents, and I’ve never been able to tell how much she actually likes the style and how much is just childhood nostalgia, but she hasn’t even changed much of the interior except for renovations and repairs.”

“I have a hard time imagining growing up in a place like this,” Simon said as he joined Jace with his own suitcase in hand. “And it’s not like my mom’s house is tiny or anything, but this is just...” He waved a hand vaguely at the house. “A lot.”

He didn’t ask why Jace was sharing a tiny apartment furnished entirely secondhand if his family lived in a house like this, and Jace didn’t offer an explanation.

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Jace said, even though there was plenty to be nervous about. “I promise the house doesn’t bite.”

“Yeah, less worried about the house than the people in it,” Simon told him.

“I thought you were, like, the parent whisperer,” Jace teased. “Isn’t that why you offered to come with me? Because you make a great boyfriend? Trust me, as long as Alec and Izzy think you make me happy, they’ll love you, and you know more about comics than anyone I’ve ever met, so Max will love you regardless.”

“Okay,” Simon said, releasing a heavy breath. “Okay, thanks. You’re right, I just got a little intimidated by the house, but this is all going to be fine.”

“Maryse is probably going to hate you, though,” Jace continued, keeping his face carefully deadpan. “She hates everyone we bring home. It’s like a rite of passage. But you’re great with parents, so I’m sure you’ll at least avoid intentional food poisoning.”

Simon stared at him in horror, and Jace couldn’t keep a hit of a smile from breaking through.

“I hate you,” Simon told him.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jace said, “I’m pretty sure the food poisoning wasn’t actually intentional.”

“Wait, there was actual food poisoning?”

“Come on,” Jace said, heading toward the door. “I want to get inside before we freeze to death.”

“You are such a dick sometimes,” Simon muttered, catching up to him.

Then, he slipped his free hand into Jace’s like it was a totally normal thing to do, and Jace had to catch himself from tripping over the steps.

“Careful,” Simon said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m not going to make a very good impression on your family if you fall and break your neck before we even get inside.”

And there was just nothing to say to that, to how uncomfortable it wasn’t to have Simon’s hand in his like this, to the way it made him want. So Jace simply rolled his eyes and pushed open the front door, letting the scent of home wrap around him like a warm blanket.

“Okay,” Simon said quietly as he surveyed the entryway, complete with antique chandelier. “Feeling a little intimidated again.” And it was so easy for Jace to just give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey, you made it,” a warm voice greeted them. “With as bad as traffic has been, we thought you’d be another hour at least.”

“Hey, man,” Jace said, dropping Simon’s hand so he could pull his brother into a hug. “People must be staying home for the holidays this year, because we barely hit any traffic at all.” He glanced around. “Where is everyone?”

“Iz should be here any minute, Max is holed up in his room playing video games with his friends, and Magnus is helping Mom with some last-minute grocery shopping for dinner tomorrow.” Alec held out a hand to Simon. “I’m Alec, since Jace apparently can’t be bothered to make introductions like a civilized person.”

“It’s okay,” Simon said, giving his hand a quick shake, “I gave up on the idea of Jace being civilized the first time I saw him eat pizza that had been sitting out on the counter for three days.”

“That was your pizza,” Jace pointed out.

“Yeah,” Simon said, “which I was going to throw away because I forgot about it for three days.”

“On the subject of uncivilized,” Jace said, turning back to Alec, who was looking just a little too pleased, “you really sent Magnus shopping with Maryse? Buddy, if you decided you don’t want to marry the guy, just break it off with him. You don’t have to throw him to the wolves like that.”

Alec’s tiny smile became a little less tiny and a whole lot softer. “Magnus and Mom have actually been getting along lately. She wanted his opinion on wine pairings, so they went to the store and left me here so I can pull the bread out of the oven when it’s done. It’s very weird, but also nice.”

“That does sound very weird,” Jace told him, “but I’m glad things are working out and Maryse has found some level of chill somewhere.”

“Hopefully that means I won’t get poisoned,” Simon said.

Alec snorted. “If you want to avoid it, you should probably avoid mentioning you know about that. Or any other embarrassing family stories Jace might have shared with you.”

“And don’t eat anything Izzy hands you,” Jace added. “Anything she cooks probably won’t kill you, but the taste will make you wish you were dead.”

“So, I should just fast while I’m here,” Simon said. “Good to know.”

Jace led Simon upstairs to drop off their bags while Alec checked on the bread.

“Just toss your bag anywhere,” Jace said, opening the door to his old room. “We can argue over who gets which side of the dresser later.”

“Sure,” Simon said cheerfully, “as long as we can be civil deciding who gets which side of the bed.” He stopped just inside the doorway. “Wow, okay. The apparently very small bed.”

And this really was something that should have occurred to him, Jace realized. It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered that he’d be sharing a bed with Simon. They’d even talked about it, briefly, and agreed it was no big deal. But Jace hadn’t considered exactly how much smaller his childhood bed was than the generous queen he slept in back home. It was technically large enough to fit two grown men, but only technically.

“Don’t worry,” Jace said, falling back on his trademark bravado, “I won’t get mad if you cuddle me in your sleep. I know you can’t help it if your subconscious recognizes that I’m irresistible.”

“I’m more worried about your freakishly sharp elbows,” Simon muttered.

“As long as you don’t snore or steal the covers, you won’t have to worry about my elbows,” Jace told him. He was planning to keep his elbows, and the rest of him, as far away from Simon as possible. Which, given the size of the bed, was maybe three inches.

“Dude, I do not snore,” Simon protested. “You know that; we live together.”

“You absolutely snore after your fourth drink.”

“I wasn’t planning to get drunk with your family,” Simon said, tossing his bag onto the bed.

“You say that now,” Jace said, leaving his own bag next to the door. “But wait until you get the full Lightwood Christmas experience before deciding you want to spend the whole thing sober.”

“If your family drives me to drink, you don’t get to blame me for snoring,” Simon countered. Which was probably fair, but Jace was saved from having to admit that by the sound of voices coming from downstairs.

“That’d be Izzy,” Jace said, “and we’d better get down there before she accuses me of trying to hide you from her.”

“Jace,” called a singsong voice, right on cue, “quit making out with your mystery hottie and get down here so we can actually meet him.”

“You should be careful making demands like that,” Jace called back. “What if I’m not wearing any pants?”

“We’ve all seen it. Get your ass down here “

“I like your sister already,” Simon told him.

“You say that now, but wait until she decides you count as family. She won’t be any better with you.” He took Simon’s hand. Because it helped sell their relationship. Because he could. Simon laced their fingers together, and Jace tried not to feel any way about that at all as he led Simon back down the stairs.

They only made it a couple steps before Simon came to a complete stop, almost causing Jace to trip the rest of the way down the staircase. He heard Simon mutter a soft ‘oh crap’ at the same time a bright, redheaded whirlwind came rushing up the stairs at them.

“Oh my god, Simon?” Clary grabbed Simon into a giant bearhug, effectively tearing his hand out of Jace’s. “You’re Jace’s mystery boyfriend? How did I not know about this? You didn’t even tell me you were dating anyone, you jerk! What happened to best friend gossip privileges?”

Clary pulled back from the hug, and now that Jace could actually see her face, he could see the hint of concern she was trying to hide under her wide smile.

“Clary. Hi,” Simon said, eyes wide. “I was going to tell you, I swear. It’s just, this is kind of new and so...” He trailed off, looking panicked. His eyes caught Jace’s. “But, uh, yeah. This is Jace. My boyfriend. Jace, this is my best friend, Clary Fray.”

“Yeah,” Jace said, looking between the two of them and feeling more than a little out of his depth. He’d planned for things to be weird, but not this weird. “We’ve met.” He flashed Clary a smile. “Fray, huh?”

She nodded. “I couldn’t keep his name. Not after...after everything. Fray is the name Mom used before she married Luke. It’s the name I remember her having when I was little, so.” She shrugged. “I filed the paperwork to have it legally changed the day I turned eighteen.”

“It suits you,” Jace told her, and let himself be pulled into a tight hug that he suspected was as much because she needed one as that she was glad to see him. Clary had never told him much about the biological father she barely knew, but she’d told him enough to know that Clary held him responsible for her mother’s death, even if the courts had cleared him of any wrongdoing.

“Thanks,” Clary whispered, before surreptitiously drying her eyes on his shoulder and pulling back to flash a smile that was less forced than Jace expected. “So, tell me how this happened without me hearing about it.” She bumped Jace with her shoulder. “And if it’s so new, what possessed you to subject Simon to your family holidays?”

“Hey,” Izzy said, walking up behind Clary and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. Jace had to admit, they looked...well, right together. “That’s my family, too, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Clary said, offering a soft grin over her shoulder. “And the fact that I’m here should tell you exactly how much I love you.”

“Fair,” Izzy said, then looked at Simon. “So, how’d my brother convince you to join this circus?”

“We made a trade,” Simon said, straight-faced. “I put up with his family for Christmas and he puts up with mine for my cousin Rachel’s wedding.” He leaned in and told Izzy in a stage whisper, “Also, I’m weak for his smile, but don’t tell him I said that, because he will abuse it.”

“You say that like I don’t already abuse it,” Jace said, sliding his arm around Simon’s waist in a mirror of Izzy and Clary’s pose. “And to answer your earlier question, us being officially together is new, but we’ve been sort of on the verge of dating for ages. Practically since we started sharing an apartment last year.”

Clary let out a peal of delighted laughter. “Oh, you’re the roommate. It makes sense now.” Before Jace could ask what made sense, she was pulling the both of them into a tight hug. “I’m really happy for both of you.”

“If I’d known you were going to be this excited, I definitely would have mentioned it sooner,” Simon said, pulling back from the hug.

Jace tried to catch his eye, wondering what on earth was going on. He knew both Clary and Simon well enough to know he was missing something, but he had no idea what it was. Simon ignored him, and that just made Jace more suspicious.

“Come on,” Izzy said. “You can have your hug fest later. Right now, I want to help Alec get things set up in the kitchen and maybe surprise Mom by getting dinner started before she gets back.”

Jace and Clary exchanged a panicked look, and Jace frantically searched his mind for excuses to keep Izzy busy. He didn’t actually want a repeat of the food poisoning episode, after all.

“Actually,” Simon said, turning a bright smile on Izzy. “I was kind of hoping you’d be willing to show me your Lego Star Wars collection before we get too wrapped up in family stuff. Jace mentioned you have the deluxe Imperial Star Destroyer set from the early 2000’s, and I’ve never actually seen one in person.”

“Oh,” Izzy said, looking torn. “I’m not sure—”

“We can help Alec in the kitchen,” Clary said quickly. “You two go do your nerd thing. I knew this was inevitable when I finally introduced you two anyway. And this way I get the chance to harass my bestie’s new boyfriend without him in the way trying to keep me from learning the embarrassing details.”

“You know, on second thought—” Simon began, looking slightly panicked.

“Come on,” Izzy interrupted, smiling brightly and grabbing his hand.

Simon flashed Clary a betrayed look, then looked to Jace for support. Jace simply smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, love muffin,” he said mildly. “I’d never intentionally embarrass you.”

“I want you to know that I hate both of you,” Simon said before allowing Izzy to drag him back up the stairs.

“My collection is all still in my old room,” Izzy said. “Clary and I have been looking for an apartment big enough I can actually move the rest of my stuff out of here, but so far we haven’t found anything in our price range.”

Jace turned back to Clary. “Exactly what kind of embarrassing stories were you hoping for? Because I have many.”

Clary shook her head. “I’m pretty sure I’ve got more embarrassing Simon stories than you do. I’ve got almost two decades worth. But I was actually hoping to talk to you alone anyway, and this seems like the best chance we’re going to get.”

Jace followed her down the stairs and into the study. “Sounds serious. You planning to give me a shovel talk?”

Clary laughed, shaking her head. “No, I know you, remember? I’m not worried about you hurting Simon. Well,” she amended, “not any more than I am about him hurting you.” She met his eyes with a soft smile. “You might be the only person I know with a heart as big as Simon’s, as much as you try to hide it.”

Jace looked away. It had been two years since the last time he’d seen her, and she could still see right to the heart of him. He didn’t want to know what she’d see if she kept looking. “Clary—”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” she teased. “But I didn’t actually bring you out here to talk about Simon. I wanted to apologize.”

Jace frowned, looking back at her. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for.” He was more than a little grateful not to have Clary grilling him about his entirely fabricated relationship, but he wasn’t sure where this conversation was going.

“No, I do,” she insisted. “I promised to keep in touch when you moved away, and I didn’t.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jace said, even if maybe it had been at first. Those first few months at school had been hard. Jace always thought he was used to being alone, especially after his mother’s suicide, but he found out just how much he’d come to rely on his new family when he didn’t see them every day. They’d kept in touch, of course, but with Izzy immersed in her studies and Alec all wrapped up in his new relationship with Magnus, it wasn’t anything like what it had been when they were all under one roof.

For a while, he and Clary had been in touch nearly every day, sometimes texting multiple times a day. Jace told her about his classes and how much he liked Boston, and Clary told him all about trying to narrow down which art schools she wanted to apply to. It was almost the same sort of easy friendship they’d had before he left, after they agreed they were better off as friends.

But after a couple months, Clary’s messages came less and less often, and eventually stopped altogether. Jace tried not to let it bother him, but he started drinking a bit too much and going to a few too many parties. Which was how he’d met Maia, his attempts at flirting somehow leading to him getting his ass handed to him at beer pong, and soon he found himself with an entire group of new friends. Although Maia insisted for almost a year that she and Jace were merely antagonistic acquaintances.

Clary gave him a look that told him she knew exactly how full of it he was. “It was a shitty thing to do, and I was a shitty friend,” she told him. “Especially because I did it on purpose. Izzy and I started getting close and I started to have feelings for her, and I didn’t know what to say to you about it. I didn’t know how to even talk to you about what was going on in my life without mentioning that she was becoming such a big part of it.”

“You didn’t actually have to hide it from me, you know,” Jace said. “I was surprised when Izzy first told me, but I’m mostly just glad you’re both happy. And seeing you together, I know you both are.”

“Thanks,” Clary said. “I didn’t want to hurt you or make things weird. For a while, I thought I could just ignore what I was feeling, but Iz is just... She’s not someone you can ignore, you know?”

“Oh, I know exactly how hard my sister is to ignore, believe me.” Jace stopped, considered, then admitted something he had never said—would never say—to another person. But this was Clary, and he knew she would never repeat it. And even if she did, he could always play it off as part of the act. “She and Simon have that in common. You know, I actually thought I hated him at first? He’s so enthusiastic about everything, and so sincere, and just.” He shrugged. “Not the kind of person I thought would ever do it for me.”

“But he won you over with his boyish charm?” Clary guessed.

“Mm,” Jace agreed. And the way he loved without reserve. Not just his family and friends, but his music, his favorite films, even the crappy nachos from the 7-11 down the block from their apartment. Simon loved every part of life, and being around him, Jace could almost imagine what that felt like. “Well, that and his abs.”

“Can’t forget those,” Clary laughed.

“Not with how often he eats breakfast shirtless,” Jace agreed. “Come on. If we aren’t in the kitchen by the time Izzy gets back downstairs, you know she’ll try to help Alec herself, and I was kind of hoping for dinner to be edible.”

~~~

Dinner was surprisingly painless. Maryse was more relaxed and happy than Jace had ever seen her, and he couldn’t help wondering how much of that was related to the very unsubtle smiles she kept exchanging with Clary’s stepfather. Even Max, who was deep in throes of preteen scorn, grudgingly admitted that Simon being in a band was “pretty cool” and joined in on some of Simon, Clary, and Izzy’s excited nerd talk that went entirely over Jace’s head.

After dinner, they retired to the living room for eggnog and carols. Jace limited himself to a single cup of Magnus’s infamous eggnog, knowing better than to let himself get drunk when he was putting on a show for his family. Or sharing his tiny bed with Simon.

As usual, Jace let himself get pushed over the piano to play. He felt something in him settle as soon as he rested his fingers on the keys of Maryse’s baby grand, the feel different and so much more familiar than the ancient keyboard he had back in Boston or the well-used uprights in the practice rooms at school.

When Jace had first come to live with the Lightwoods, he’d been afraid to touch the piano. His mother had put him in lessons as soon as he was old enough, but she hated to listen to him play and often chastised him for not being a better player, saying he should be better at it with how talented his father was. Now, he understood that it was just another manifestation of the combined grief and mental illness that led to Celine’s death, but at the time he’d hated how awful he was at playing, no matter how much he enjoyed doing it.

But Maryse knew he played and encouraged him to use her piano. She told him that it had been her father’s, and though she’d taken lessons herself as a child, she’d never really loved it the way he had. She said that the instrument deserved to be loved, and as long as Jace loved playing it, she didn’t care how good he was or wasn’t.

It was the first time he’d really felt like this could be his home.

“Okay,” Jace said after the third version of O Tannenbaum with ridiculous altered lyrics—this one courtesy of Simon rather than Max or Clary, about an ill-fated toad who chose the wrong moment to cross the street, “I think my fingers are done for the night.”

“Oh, come on,” Clary said. “Simon and I have at least a dozen more of these we came up with when we were kids.”

“When we were little, I only knew the lyrics to the Christmas songs they played on the radio, so Fray made up silly lyrics to the other ones and told me they were real,” Simon explained. “And it made her so happy that I went along with it even for the couple I did know.”

“There will be plenty of time for more singing tomorrow,” Maryse said. “But if I know this one,” she continued, smiling at Max, “we’re all going to be dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn for presents.”

“Mom,” Max whined, “I’m not a kid anymore. I know the presents will still be there whenever I get up.”

“I seem to remember someone who looked an awful lot like you waking us up before sunrise last year,” Magnus said with exaggerated confusion. “Perhaps you have a twin I haven’t met?”

Max fixed him with a withering look. “Last year, I was eleven. This year I’m twelve,” he said, as though that explained it.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you’ve grown out of it,” Alec told him. “Because I intend to sleep in. And if you try to get me out of bed early, I’ll remind you of this conversation.”

“Oh, no need for that, darling,” Magnus said cheerfully. “I’ll just barricade the door before we go to sleep so he can’t get to us.”

“Brilliant,” Alec said, giving Magnus a frankly sappy smile. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

“And on that note,” Jace said, “I think I’m going to head to bed before I die of sweetness overdose.”

“Oh, please,” Magnus said, giving him an unimpressed look. “We all saw you and Simon making eyes at each other over those cookies you were frosting earlier.”

“It’s true,” Izzy said before Jace could protest. “You don’t get to tease Alec about being a sap anymore, not now that we’ve all actually seen you with someone you love.”

Jace froze, his mouth half open, then quickly snapped it shut. It made sense that Izzy would assume. He’d brought Simon home for Christmas, after all. That was the story they were selling even if they hadn’t actually discussed it, even if it wasn’t something Jace had said or even implied. And whatever he did feel for Simon, it certainly wasn’t love. It was, at best, a friendly crush. A very intense friendly crush.

Izzy seemed to realize her mistake, glancing between him and Simon with a look of dawning panic.

“No, you’re misunderstanding how this works,” Simon said easily, because of course Izzy’s words hadn’t sent him into a panic the way they had Jace. “Jace gets to tease Alec, and you, and you both get to tease him back.”

“Yep,” Clary agreed. “Those are the rules, because that means I still get to tease Simon.”

“Please,” Izzy said. “Clary and I are too sophisticated to be sappy.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard you call Clary ‘cuddle bug’ earlier,” Alec said.

“And I definitely saw you laugh at that terrible joke she told at dinner,” Jace added.

“She ate one of the cookies you made,” Max accused.

“Yeah, sorry, cutie,” Clary said. “We’re really pretty sappy.”

“Fine,” Izzy huffed. “But I just think you’re all jealous because I’ve got the cutest girlfriend.”

“Yes, Izzy,” Alec said drily. “You’ve uncovered my secret. I’m extremely jealous of your girlfriend.”

“I knew it,” Izzy said smugly, as though Alec had been perfectly sincere.

“Definitely in danger of dying of sweetness overdose,” Jace said.

That set off another round of teasing, this time with Izzy throwing in not so subtle attempts to drag Maryse and Luke into it. Jace wasn’t sure why Izzy was so determined to make the two admit there was something between them. It was obvious there was just from the way they acted around each other. Maryse would tell them when she was ready, just like she had when she and Robert filed for divorce.

It was almost another hour before Jace finally made his way up the stairs toward his room. He was surprised when Simon rose to follow him, but didn’t say anything until they were back in his room.

“I’m surprised you didn’t stay to nerd out with Clary and Iz some more.”

“I get to talk to Clary all the time,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, it’ll be easier to keep up the whole fake boyfriend thing if I don’t let her get me alone. She’d definitely figure out something’s up if I let her start grilling me about our relationship. Also, you don’t get to call me a nerd when you know just as much about Star Wars as I do.”

“It’s impossible to grow up with Izzy and not know way too much about Star Wars,” Jace said, pulling off his shirt and tossing it over a chair. “Are you still sure about doing this? Neither of us counted on Clary, and I’ll understand if you want to back out.”

“Huh?” Simon said, sounding distracted. Jace turned to look at him and thought he detected the faintest flush on Simon’s cheeks when he met his eyes. “I mean, yeah, no, I’m not backing out.” He gave an uncomfortable shrug as he pulled a set of pajamas out of his suitcase. “The last thing I want is to have to explain this whole thing to Clary.”

“Good point,” Jace agreed, turning around to put on his own pajama bottoms. It was tempting to watch Simon change, but it was also a very bad idea. “I don’t want to think about what she’d have to say to both of us if she knew.”

There was a beat of silence before Simon asked, “So, do you, um, have a preferred side of the bed?”

Jace turned to look at him, only a little disappointed to find Simon fully dressed in his pajamas. As usual when someone asked a question he didn’t want to think about, Jace flashed a smirk. “In a bed this small, I usually just take up the whole thing.”

“Well, unless you want me on top of you, you should pick a side,” Simon said, unimpressed. “Because I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

“I’ll take the left,” Jace said quickly, trying and mostly failing to avoid thinking about exactly how much he did want Simon on top of him. “I’m just gonna hit the bathroom real quick.”

Which was how Jace found himself locked in the tiny guest bathroom, lip caught between his teeth as he frantically tugged at his cock. He hadn’t planned on jerking off, but he couldn’t get Simon’s words out of his head, and he sure as hell wasn’t getting into bed with Simon half-hard, which was really the only other option.

He could picture it far too easily. Simon pressing him into that ridiculously tiny bed, hands gentle but firm, mouth just a little bit desperate.

He came to the thought of rutting up against those ridiculous abs.

By the time Jace cleaned himself up and returned to his room, Simon was nestled under the covers on the right side of the bed. Seeing him like that made something in Jace’s chest clench, and he flipped the light off just so he wouldn’t have to look anymore.

“‘Night,” Simon said as Jace slid into bed, taking care to stay entirely on his side.

“Don’t even think about snoring,” Jace answered.

He lay in the dark for a long time, staring into the darkness, listening to the sounds of the city that didn’t quite drown out the soft breathing of the man beside him. He tried not to think about how easy and relaxed the night had been, how perfect it would have been if only half of it weren’t a lie.

[stardustskz]

It Just Is

pairings: seungmin x reader

word count: 4.8k

warnings: mentions of anxiety, language, description loaded (i think?)

genre: fluff (?), angst

description: Han Jisung begged you to drive him to somewhere and you didn’t expect to see familiar faces that caused some of your ‘forbidden’ memories to resurface.

note: i don’t really know what this is but, it’ll be a waste to let it sit in my drafts forever. also, this may or may not have a second part

There are missing items in your life that you have longed to look for. The ocean blue cardigan that you used to wear frequently during seventh grade, which you don’t quite remember if you have misplaced it around the house or your mom already donated it somewhere else. That one decorative pen that you loved to use for your writings whether you take notes during class or cram your Petrarchan sonnet that is due the next day. The Minnie mouse keyring that your grade school best friend gave you as a present when their family visited Singapore that you valued a lot until one day it wasn’t hanging by the zipper of your backpack anymore. These things that you lost in a fraction of time without even knowing that they’ll be gone from your sight for the entirety of your life, they once became your comfort. The warmth of your cardigan whenever you’re cold from the harsh morning breeze on your way to your school. The grasp of that certain pen when you scribble your notes in a hurry before the teacher moves to the next slide of her presentation. The familiarity of seeing that pink dotted ribbon hanging on your backpack, indicating that it’s yours. They all have been a fabric of your being, a part of you. Well, that is until you lose them.

You scanned through the piles of paper on your desk, trying to find your sharpener to finally finish the title block of your plate. You mumbled a few series of curses as you glanced at the clock. It was already 9:51 in the evening and this plate that you’re currently doing is due at midnight. Screw your stupid alarm clock for not waking you up when you swore that you have set it at 1:00pm. You hurriedly sharpened your pencil a second after you found it underneath your history book as you heard an obnoxious knock from the door. You chose to ignore it and moments after, you hear it open following your brother’s annoying voice,

“Y/n!! Your plate looks wonderful!” 

“What do you want, Jisung?” you groaned in annoyance as you already know that certain tone of his.

“Help me get to Hyunjin’s tonight” Jisung answered which made you turn around from your drafting to face him.

“It’s the third party this week, don’t you have any other stuff to do?” you asked him with a hint of concern, but your tone failed you as it sounded like your usual nagging.

“Well, first of all, we’re of the same age, you don’t have to scold me,” you glared at him for his a-matter-of-fact answer.

“Second, I’m not an architecture student like you.” He then stuck his tongue out in an attempt to annoy you even more. 

“Well first of all, Han Jisung, that was so fucking mature of you,” you retorted mocking his dramatic voice and turning your head again to your desk before continuing,

“Second, I won’t help you–” 

“Yeah? Then I’ll tell mom that you haven’t been doing the dishes for two nights now.” And that made you turn your gaze again to your brother who grinned as he successfully caught your attention, again.

“Screw you, we had a deal.” You told him as you faced your plate again, Han fucking Jisung can wait.

“Wait until I finish my plate then I’ll drive you there.” You heard Jisung celebrate in joy as he lied flat on your bed, patiently waiting for you to finish.

You see, even though you are twins and you practically share the same birthday, you grew up owning the title of being born a minute earlier than Jisung. This resulted in your parents seeing you as the more responsible one than your twin. It added up to the fact that you and Jisung are polar opposites when it came to your personalities. Let’s just say that he’s the more outgoing one and you’re more of the type to lock yourself up in your room all day. 

“Is it a huge party?” you asked Jisung from the passenger seat of your mom’s beloved mini van that was now yours to drive around. 

“Not really, it’s just the inner circle this time” he said as you stopped for a red traffic light.

“I’ll just wait for you in the car then.” You answered him with a nod of understanding.

“No, that will be horrible y/n, why would you wait in the car? It’s cold.”

You looked at him meaningfully before turning your gaze at the road again as the traffic light already turned green. Jisung immediately got why you were stern on staying inside of the car instead of bonding with him and your circle of friends, well, some of them.

“What’s wrong with being with him in the same room? It’s not like you’ll be forced to talk to him.” He explained, his voice laced with concern and worry that you may be upset with him for having this conversation.

“I don’t know Jisung…” you mumbled as you turned to the right corner, finally entering the village where Hyunjin lives.

“You are good friends y/n” Jisung whispered, looking outside of the window as the car passed by the familiar set of houses that he remembers by heart.

“We were good friends, Jisung” you answered, already pulling up in front of Hwang's porch.

“Then what went wrong?”

What went wrong? That question rang in your head with the consistent wave of various emotions as you took notice of the person by the house’s entrance.

Ever since you were a kid, you’ve always had this poor memory skills. This is the reason why you often misplace your things that leads to losing them. However, there’s this one kid that helped you with that problem. 

It was during your fourth grade in middle school when you first met him. It was that one particular day that went totally wrong as you fought with your brother early in the morning  because he’s being an annoying little prick and woke you up yelling your name, which you hated a lot by the way, and your day got even more sour when your teacher passed the module of mathematical problems and you seem to have lost your pen, seeing to it that it wasn’t inside your mustard yellow pencil case. You know that you’re screwed specially when 15 minutes into answering the module, you still have no pen to write and solve with. Because first, it may sound miserable, but you have no friends and second, your pride stood still, refusing to talk to Jisung even when you clearly needed help.

The moment that your teacher left your classroom, a boy with a raven hair, chubby cheeks and a cute mole by his left chubbier cheek approached you,

“Hey, you can use my spare one.” He said. And who are you to refuse the kind offer? So, you accepted it and muttered a whisper of thank you before your teacher came back.

By the time that all of your classes were finished, you decided to return the pen to the said boy. You slowly approached him even before your brother had reached you, earning a confused look from Jisung.

“Uh, hey thank you for earlier and uh… here’s your pen.” Your nine-year-old introverted ass managed to say out loud.

“Oh y/n! You’re welcome!” to say that you were shocked was an understatement. How did he know your name when you don’t even talk to anyone in class besides your brother? And you also felt shy, and a bit guilty because you clearly don’t know his name.

“I’m sorry but, I don’t know your name.” you shyly said, head hanging low and fingers fidgeting with the straps of your backpack. But then you looked up when you heard soft giggles coming from the boy.

“It’s Seungmin! And no worries y/n,” nine-year-old Seungmin said.

“By the way, I’m coming by your place later to play video games with Jisung. You can join us if you’d like!”

And this was the start of it. You and Seungmin became inseparable. Maybe it’s because seungmin helped you by letting you borrow his pen and his kindness touched one of the strings inside your heart or maybe it was how cute his chubby cheeks are with the left one a bit larger than the right or maybe it was how he included you in every conversations when you were hanging out with them by your house’s living room just to play left4dead with your brother’s ps3. But you’ve grown to be the best of friends from then on. 

Every Saturday, you would alternately visit each other’s house studying your Sciences and Maths with the sides of playing video games and watching classic cartoons. Seungmin also helped with you misplacing things often. He suggested writing on a memo pad every single thing you wanted to remember later on, every day, but only those that are important. Seungmin is also quite observative with his surroundings. For he would always know that the pen you’re looking for is located between the locks of your hair which is tied in a bun and the scrunchie that you’re trying to find was inside your now amber pencil case that you love carrying around. You were so close that even both of your parents even tagged you as the ones who seem like twins than you and Jisung. 

Ever since you were a kid you’ve always had this poor memory skill and you still wonder until now the reason how and why you can’t forget everything about a certain Kim Seungmin when he seems to have forgotten every inch of your existence.

You heard a loud knock coming from the window of the passenger's seat which interrupted you from your short trip down to memory lane. You squint your eyes to recognize the person despite the dark and obsidian night clouding your vision. Recognizing it to be Hyunjin, you unlocked the car doors for him.

“Seungmin told me that he saw you here,” he started as he sat comfortably now by the passenger seat.

“and Jisung fell asleep in the middle of a movie” he continued. You sighed, expecting nothing much of your brother that shared the same trait as yours when it came to enduring long hours of sitting in front of a tv and just watching. 

“Can you help me bring him here?” You asked as you had an agreement with Jisung that you’ll both be home before sunrise. 

“Why don’t you stay the night y/n? I mean, not here. You can join us inside.” Hyunjin asked even though he already knew the answer.

“It’s my responsibility to bring him home, Hyunjin,” you said, immediately dismissing his suggestion.

“Besides, if mom and dad come home and we’re out of sight, then we’ll be dead as meat” Hyunjin scoffed at your reply making you question him in silence.

“Jisung already told me that your parents won’t be back for the next two days.” Oh. Well, shit.

“Come on, y/n, let’s get you inside. It’s cold out here.” All your hopes of going home with Jisung tonight was shattered as Hyunjin was already pulling you outside of your car, putting the sketchbook on your lap inside of your bag, which was lying in the backseat of your car, and dragging you towards their house.

“Y/n’s here!!” Hyunjin clearly made sure that everyone knew your presence inside the house. Your eyes immediately tried to find a sleeping figure of your brother by the cushion but he’s not there.

“Oh? y/n! I made your favorite snacks” and there he was, standing by the kitchen counter with a bowl of strawberries and melted chocolate in his hands. You glared at Hyunjin at this and the latter only apologetically looked at you and mouthed a ‘sorry’. Stuck in the situation, you only sighed as you took a seat in one of the couches as you heard how Hyunjin broke down to Jisung the details of how he managed to force your ass here. 

“Y/n! my little one!” a voice called out coming from the kitchen which you certainly recognize that belongs to Chan. He sat down beside you and immediately attacked you with one of his big and comfortable hugs. 

“I really missed you” he whispered in your ear before pulling away.

Felix announced that the movie is about to start which made everyone get back to their places. Jisung handed you your strawberries before he sat down with felix by the couch opposite to yours. You scanned your eyes to the people around you as you took notice of everyone in here. Chan who was now sitting by the carpet in front of the couch you were on. Changbin and Jeongin who were cuddled like babies by the longest couch, Felix, Hyunjin and Jisung who were now arguing in whispers of who will be able to cuddle Hyunjin’s Ryan plush. Minho, who just came back from the restroom and sat in front of Changbin and Jeongin. And—

Your thoughts were cut when a blanket was softly draped by your shoulders. You glanced behind you only to see the person you’re trying to avoid who was also looking at you,

“It’s… cold.” He said, deciding to turn away before you even return a ‘thank you’. You took the blanket in your hands and realized that it’s his own personal blanket. The one that he carried around whenever he would sleepover at your place before.

The movie ended and it was no surprise that both you and Jisung had already fallen asleep. Well, more than half of you are already in a deep slumber. The only ones awake are Chan, Minho and Seungmin.

"Are we gonna let them sleep like that or….?" Minho asked as Chan already started cleaning up the place from empty snacks and cups.

"I think the boys can manage to sleep in here, just bring more pillows and blankets," Chan answered, his figure disappearing towards the kitchen.

"Oh! and bring y/n upstairs to Hyunjin's room!" Chan declared.

Seungmin only watched as Chan and Minho did their thing, elbow propped to the armchair of the single seated sofa he's in and eyes boring directly to you, seeping. Just as when Minho was about to carry you to Hyunjin's room as Chan instructed, Seungmin sat up straight from his slouching position.

"I'll take her," he said,

"... uh, upstairs." Minho only looked at him before heaving a sigh and letting Seungmin do it.

Seungmin then approached you, taking notice of how his blanket draped over your sleeping figure. He sighed heavily before placing his arms beneath your neck and knees, carrying you in the comfort of his arms. You shifted in your sleep and snuggled closer to Seungmin's neck unconsciously due to his warmth being in close proximity to your naturally cold body.

“Be careful” Minho instructed as Seungmin started to head for the stairs. 

Seungmin successfully laid you down the bed and carefully tucked you in beneath the sheets, attempting to take his blanket from you. But you tugged on it and cuddled with it more in your unconscious state. Seungmin chuckled at how adorable you looked and decided to just let you have it. It also reminded him of that one precious memory with you.

"Seungmin, I'm really, really sorry. I thought that I placed it in here already." you said as you checked Seungmin’s duffle bag once more. You were so sure that you’ve included his blanket there, which he lent you the previous day. Your eyes started to water at the thought of misplacing Seungmin’s favorite blanket at the cabin, because you always lose things.

“Have you checked your bag?” Seungmin said as he opened your backpack that lies beside his. He scrambled through the pile of clothes inside and a minute later, he felt the familiar smoothness of the cotton of his blanket. He sighed in relief before bringing it out, showing it to you.

“Y/n, it’s in here” he chuckled as he held it in your vision. You let out a shaky breath before tears came running down from your eyes. All of the frustrations from earlier and the anxiety of losing something important to your best friend came crashing to you as your adrenaline finally settled down, resulting in letting it all out. Seungmin, with years of knowing that you have a shitty tolerance with how your lacrimal glands work, led you to the surface of the bed. Encircling his warm hands to your much colder ones as he rubs soothing circles at the back of it with his thumb. Just like what he always did whenever you needed someone’s comfort. One that you can’t just vocally ask someone of and one that only a certain Kim Seungmin can do. 

It was one of Seungmin’s favorite memories of you. It wasn’t because you cried, god no, Seungmin hates seeing you cry. It was the level of intimacy that your friendship with him has. You weren’t in your best shape, but he saw how you cared for him and not just him but also the things that he owns and the sentiments that they hold. How you value your relationship with him that even a stupid blanket of made you bawl your eyes out. It was how special and dear he is to you, not the expensive, crystal, gems that you both always laugh at whenever you go online shopping, but it’s special like how you always wore this long, beige, soft-cottoned cardigan of yours, the one where you don’t want to lose it so you’ll just use it in every kind of opportunity there is, to keep it in your sight. And believe it or not, Seungmin regrets every decision he made when everything that he had with you came to an end. Because it took him a year in college, and an ample amount of avoiding you, to realize that you were more than just a best friend.

You suddenly woke up from your sleep, feeling quenched for water. Then you remembered that you haven't had any drop of water after the sweets that you consumed earlier. You made your way towards the kitchen from Hyunjin's room, knowing the directions well, based on your last memories from this house. Reaching the kitchen counter, you spotted a familiar figure sitting by the table. But you chose to ignore him as you made your way to the fridge after grabbing a glass of water by one of the cabinets.

"Hey… y/n," you choked on your glass of water as you heard him suddenly speak. You wiped your lips before turning around to face him.

"Can we perhaps, uh… talk?" You took a sharp breath in as you totally did not expect him to initiate a conversation with you. 

Seungmin was beyond nervous. He can already hear his heart pounding in his chest as you slowly approached the table, taking your time to somehow process the questions in your head. You took the seat in front of him, the grazing of the chair's feet against the marble floor being the only sound that was heard in the dread of the night. You softly sighed before turning your gaze towards the boy's hazelnut orbs, which was a wrong decision as it reflected against the moonlight from the window behind you, effortlessly making you lost with how his eyes showcased faint sadness and longingness. 

It was during your last December as a senior high school, you guess it was when everything went wrong.

You were watching Seungmin's baseball game, excitedly screaming his name when your phone rang obnoxiously from your pocket. At first you ignored it, thinking it was just Felix trying to convince you to accompany him at the bake sale, even though he's fully aware that you're with Seungmin. But then your phone did not stop ringing and by the third time, you answered. It was Jisung's number, but the voice doesn't belong to him. It was a call from the hospital, telling you that you must come immediately for your brother was caught in an accident. They told you to don't panic but here you are, quickly getting off from the bleachers while texting Seungmin about your sudden disappearance.

You reached the hospital with your anxiety rising in every step that you take. The nurse instructed you to wait outside as your brother was undergoing an operation. You were frightened, of course. Your parents at that time were both out of town and you can't call your friends knowing that they're still in the middle of their classes, but you settled on sending them a message. Hours went by as you painstakingly waited for the doctor to come out of the operating room. Chan arrived first out of your friend group and that's when you broke down. Weeping and bawling your eyes out as he engulfed you with his warm arms. Your friends slowly piled up in the white hallways of the hospital, but your best friend was still nowhere in sight. The doctor finally came out and told you about your brother's condition. Apparently, Jisung was caught in a car accident, the driver of the car was over speeding, but his breaks don’t work. Jisung will now be transferred in a separate room and you just have to wait for him to wake up. 

“Where’s Seungmin?” Hyunjin pointed out as you all headed for the room Jisung was transferred to.

“His game wasn’t done yet when I received the call.” you said, a bit tired from crying due to the events of that day.

“But it’s been hours already. I’m sure his game wouldn’t last that long” Felix stated, clearly concerned because they all know how you and Seungmin treat each other and it was evident, by the way you search for the entrance of the hallway every now and then, that you’re looking for your best friend. 

“He’ll come by.” you said, completely ignoring everyone else as you sat on a chair near Jisung’s bed and it wasn’t that long when you had fallen asleep, clutching your brother’s hand in yours.

Seungmin came by the next day, explaining that he had to stay after the game for some stuffs that their coach instructed him and you noticed that something is wrong. It bothers you how he can’t look directly in your eyes as he explained. Because Seungmin wasn’t like that. He would always look at you whenever he tells you something important but that day, he chose to avoid your gaze. And one of the things that you regretted doing was not asking him about it because after that, Seungmin became distant.

The first two months after the incident, it was still tolerable,  after school hangouts slowly lessened, with Seungmin spending his extra time for baseball practices and you totally understand it, you still have lunch times together anyways. But then it didn’t last long, when you all came back to school, having to spend your last semester as senior high school students, Seungmin suddenly doesn’t sit with you during lunch anymore. He started to hang out with the jocks, his teammates. It doesn’t also help that he’s cancelled every road trip that you both scheduled way before the previous semester ended. Your weekly game nights with him became monthly ones, until he skipped one month, or maybe two... or three, and it became countless that you never cared anymore. Everything that you’ve been doing with Seungmin, you became used to doing them all alone now. And you can only bask in silence as you continue to question yourself, What happened?

You used to hate losing things that you value dearly, but you never knew that losing someone would hurt much more than the things you lost. And Seungmin, he was among those that you lost but the difference this time is that you knew. You knew that he was slowly slipping away from you but you just let him. Thinking it was okay, thinking maybe, he grew tired of you, of how he was always the one to look out for you but everyone including you, knew that it doesn't make a point. Seungmin won't just slip away like that or that's what you thought. 

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin broke the endearing silence that surrounds the both of you.

“For everything.” You only stared at him which he took as a signal to go on.

“Remember the university that I always told you about before?” Of course you remember, he couldn’t stop talking about it, junior year. You nodded in response as he went on,

“The same day of Jisung’s accident, I got offered for a scholarship to study there and I didn’t know what to do. My parents kept bugging me to accept it and they are already planning for my future on their own. It was my dream school, y/n." you saw a stray tear that grazed seungmin’s left chubbier cheek that you love the most, making you want to wipe it but no, you have to keep yourself cool or all the walls that you built after him will be instantly destroyed.

"I was confused, because in every future plan that I had, prior to being offered that scholarship, you were already included," Seungmin continued, his voice cracking as he tried to suppress his sobs.

"y/n, I didn't want to lose you." he said before tears were rushing down his delicate features, 

"You already did." you said, your now glassy eyes locked with his.

"y/n–"

"No, Seungmin, you had a choice to tell me everything before. You should've told me and I would understand the situation, but you did not. Instead you slowly left me. Do you even know how much I had gone through?" you cut him off. 

"I– I'm sorry," 

Seungmin was scared, then and now, to see how you're drifting away from him. The only difference was that when he made that decision before, he was scared of his growing feelings for you, feeling more than what the title ‘best friend’ holds, which pushed him to do what he did. He knows, his defense mechanism was bullshit. But then now, he is scared of the possibility that you'll cut him off of your life, without him telling you what he truly felt just because he doesn't want to add more flame to the burning of your wounds. 

"I was a coward, I know. So, please, let me make it up to you." you scoffed at his reply,

"Why now? It's been two years, Seungmin. It probably won't hurt you to have me completely out of your life because you clearly are doing well on your own" 

"Han Jisung," he said which had taken you back,

"He won't let me near you after senior year." you sat there in silence, Jisung did what now?

"You can ask him." Seungmin added but you weren't paying attention as everything in your head is now in pure chaos. You know you can't think straight at this moment so you just sat there in silence, trying to organize the haywire in your brain.

"Did you accept the scholarship?" you asked, which startled Seungmin.

"I did." 

"Good for you. I'd feel guilty if you haven't." you sighed as you glanced at the clock and noticed that it's already half past four in the morning. You stood up from your seat, preparing to go back to sleep.

"I'm going to sleep, you?" you asked him.

"I'll stay for a while." he said, looking up at you with slumped shoulders.

"I forgive you, Min, I already did a long time ago," you said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"But I'm sorry, I don't think I can give you what you're looking for right now." 

There are things in your life that you have longed to look for and in some instances, you tend to find them at the most random places, in the most unexpected times. But after not seeing them for a long period of time, you happen to forget the value that it holds, how important they were, and nothing will remain besides the nostalgic memories that it held. That’s what you felt with Seungmin right now. He was your best friend, until he wasn’t. You were inseparable until he slipped away from your bond. And now, every time you see him, you’ll be reminded of how he once left you and the possibilities of it repeating. Because you believe that losing something once can be a mistake but losing it twice means you’re not responsible enough to keep it.

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Crushing on the rival-Lukadrien June Day 3

Ok, yes I’m technically late, but I don’t care! I wanted to do a Glee AU so bad and this was so hard to do. Usually when reading Glee Klaine fics as lukadrien, Nino is at Dalton since either Nick or Jeff becomes Kurt’s best friend and you can’t split up Nino and Adrien. So Nino attended for a while before budget cuts messed up his scholarship. Kieran is from @depressed-teacup-inc and @sarcasticsparkles Divergence. I meant for him to featured just a little more but it just didn’t work out like that. Adrien’s mom is alive but is spliting up with his dad and I put Chloe in Rachel’s position when it came to dating the enemy first since it always comes up in Anderberry fics when Rachel doesn’t say who Blaine is because she doesn’t want to be accused of selling secrets to her brother. Anyway, please enjoy and we’ll see if day 4 actually comes out. Rival Musicians 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Nino said, adjusting his white tie. He’d forgotten how much he hadn’t been a fan of the Quantic Academy uniform. The pale blue shirts with the black blazers and white ties weren’t his aesthetic and even though it sucked to lose his scholarship, he’d been beyond happy to never put the uniform on again. He looked over to Marc and Nath, who seemed to pull it off with ease.

Totally unfair.

“I can’t believe you let Alya and Marinette bully you into coming to spy.” Nath said.

“No you’re not.” Marc clarified. “Remember how we got together?”

“Yeah, no. this fits perfectly. We should just be glad Chloe wasn’t the one to find out you used to go to school with our competitor. That would have been worse.”

“Yeah, especially since we all experienced her dating the ‘enemy’ last year. Last thing I need is her accusing me of giving secrets away. I really don’t want to bring up her asshole ex in her face. She’s finally starting to open up again.” Nino said.

“Where’s Adrien?” Marc asked, changing the subject. “You made it sound like we have a small window.”

“We do. Assuming things haven’t changed in a year, teachers take the afternoon to have a meeting while letting the students study and such. Or in the Warbler’s case, have impromptu performances to test songs out. If we don’t want to get caught, we need to be there when the mass text goes out and everyone is heading to the Senior Commons.”

Just then, a very familiar silver car pulled up in front of the boys. Adrien climbed out, in a black leather jacket and a white rocker tie but still in the same colours.

“Sorry I’m late. Mom promised the appointment would be over before I had to leave, but divorce proceedings involving my dad aren’t exactly easy. They were arguing over my ‘modelling’ career for a full hour before my mom’s lawyer managed to shut my dad up. I think, that woman speaks like a pirate and is just as ruthless and doesn’t like my dad, so she could have been insulting him for all I know.”

“Sorry you have to deal with this.” Nino said, patting his best friend on his shoulder.

“You haven’t modelled for almost 3 years. Your ‘career’ is just your dad reusing old photos of you for campaigns.” Nath said. “We can only hope we don’t have another instance like when it was your first day at school and you ran into the glee room to hide from your fans.”

“But, hey! We got you out of it.” Nino said. “You stick out like a sore thumb though.”

“It’s not my fault. You said you had enough extra uniforms. You’re the one who didn’t include yourself in the count. Let’s just be happy I have enough clothes to make an iteration of it.” Adrien said.

“Fair enough. Come on.”

All four of them walked into the main building. It was beautiful, a mix of old architecture and new, like a classic hotel or something along the lines. They slowed when Nino did as they approached the front desk, which was thankfully empty with a note to call when arrived.

“I’m so happy the headmaster uses the front desk secretary as his own. I mean, she gives as good as she gets and doesn’t take shit, but she’s also got a practical eidetic memory.” Nino said. “Ok, now there’s a student that we called the Caterpillar – he lived in my dorm and everyone had Alice in Wonderland names – who has access to everyone’s phone number and he’s in the Warblers, so he sends out a massive text message to everyone.”

“How are we even sure they’re planning on doing a performance?” Adrien asked.

“We don’t but I know so close to competition time Marin would want to practise when they have the chance, so at the very least we can peak into the Senior Commons were they practise.”

They got to the first hallway and Adrien saw that what he thought ground level was actually the first floor.

“Cafeteria is downstairs and exits for the gardens and the library. This floor holds some classrooms and common rooms, more classrooms and offices upstairs. The Senior Commons is actually down the hall and downstairs. They got first pick when the place was being built and it has the closest exit to where the dorms are.”

“Should we hang near there or somewhere else?” Nath asked.

However, before Nino could offer a suggestion, the one thing Adrien dreaded pierced through the empty and quite hallway.

“Ohmygod! It’s Adrien Agreste!”

Adrien liked anime, especially the feel-good ones. The one he liked the most was Gakuen Babysitter. The scene before him reminded him of when the twins’ father, a famous actor came to school and was found out by one of the students and suddenly the area around him were swarming with fans. What happened was a bit like that, except screaming boys instead of girls and Adrien actually got a head start in running away.

Nino hated his best friend had to suffer through this, so when he was separated from him and the rest of the guys and only found Marc and Nath not long after, he felt worried.

“Where’s Adrien?”

“We thought he was with you.”

“Ok, screw Marinette and Alya telling us not to get caught.” Nino said, pulling his phone out and scrolling through his contacts until he reached one with the name being just a butterfly emoji. “If they want info, they can come look themselves. My best friend is in a school that’s not desensitized to him being around and we’re find him before we leave.”

Of course, before he could call, he saw a text from the same butterfly named person.

I’m gonna let Marin yell at you for coming to spy.

Nino cursed. He’d been hoping to avoid that. Marinette and Alya were bad and Chloe worse, but Marin lording over him with his gavel, that was something he didn’t miss from attending school here.

But don’t worry. A certain blue haired Hatter was placed in the little Alice’s path. He’ll take care of him. Also, I know a certain March Hare misses you too.

Ok, maybe he’d have to kiss that Caterpillar after all.

                                       ____________________

Adrien slowly opened the door after finally hearing the hallway fill up and all move in one direction. Everyone was speaking excitedly, so no one noticed Adrien slipping out and joining the crowd. He looked around, hoping to see 3 familiar faces but no luck. he didn’t even know if this crowd was people going to see the Warblers. He bit his lip, trying to decide what to do. He could ask and then be in a bad spot if someone recognised him or he could ask what was going on and duck into a bathroom if it wasn’t Warblers related. He decided to risk it.

“Excuse me,” he said, tapping someone on the shoulder. The guy had dyed blue hair and when he turned around Adrien saw he had the piercings to match his punk look. The uniform really didn’t match him at all. “Hi, I’m new here. What’s going on?”

He gave Adrien this smirk as if to say, ‘I know why you’re here’. “I’m Luka.”

“Adrien, nice to meet you.”

“Adrien. Well, don’t worry, I won’t scream your name. and to answer your question, the Warblers are doing an impromptu performance.”

“Oh.”

“If you want, I can take you there. You know, bump into your friends who came to spy with you.”

“S-spy? I didn’t come to spy.”

“Right, so your lack of uniform and Nino being here is a happy coincidence.”

Adrien couldn’t really think of a lie, so thrown off. He let out a squeak when Luka grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway. This one was emptier and Adrien took a closer at Luka. his uniform was perfect but his shoes were emblem covered high tops. His nails were painted and fingers home to a few rings. He also noticed a few bracelets peaking out from under shirt sleeve. Luka seemed like such an anomaly in his perfect uniform but things that spoke to his personal aesthetic.

Before he knew it, they were back in a crowd as they entered a room, no doubt the Senior Commons.

“Shot, I do stick out like a sore thumb.” Adrien said, once he saw himself compared to everyone.

“I don’t know, I like your version better.” Luka said, tugging at one of the lapels of Adrien’s leather jacket. “Your friends are over there.” He nodded towards the door, where Marc, Nath and Nino were, all standing on their toes trying to look over the crowd. Nino got distracted by someone with light brown hair and purple rain boots, but Marc and Nath spotted him.

“How did…?”

“I’m sure Nino will tell you about the special ways of the Warblers.” Just at the front of the room, 2 lines of boys appeared as they started to create a beat. “Now if you excuse me. Kieran!”

The guy Nino had been talking to darted over to the lines and Adrien took his place, hearing his friends ask him what happened and if he was ok, but his attention was focused on Luka, who stood in the very front singing.

Before you met me, I was alright But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life Now every February, you'll be my Valentine Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight No regrets, just love We can dance until we die You and I will be young forever You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream

He was good, really good. And he kept staring right at Adrien.

“That’s Luka. we were roommates when I was here.” Nino said, finally getting his attention. “He was well on his way to being lead vocalist when I left.”

“He’s really good.”

“Yeah. Don’t let his accessories fool you, he’s a cool guy.”

Yeah, he was.

When the song was over and the room burst into loud applause, cheers and whistles, Luka found his way over, with the same guy who’d been talking to Nino before and two new people. They reminded him a bit of Marinette and Alya, though one of them had a sever expression currently directed at Nino.

“You come spy and you don’t even come to say hello? I’m ashamed of you Nino.” The one who reminded Adrien of Marinette said.

“Please give it a rest Marin.” Nino begged.

“No, no, let him suffer more. I’m enjoying this.” Kieran said.

“Just to check, you’re not going to report us, right?” Marc asked, looking nervous.

“Don’t worry. Your attempts are endearing and we know Nino wouldn’t bring you over here without good reason.” The other guy said. “we’re not planning on using that song for the Sectionals, so you won’t go home empty handed.”

“How about coffee? Nino doesn’t know this, but we finally opened the coffee bar in the cafeteria, student run. We can stay here if you want.” Luka offered.

In the end, Adrien waited in the room, with Nino getting dragged to be lectured by his old friends and Nath and Marc having such complicated orders, it just made more sense to go with them. Adrien looked around the commons, taking in the couches and many side tables. A few had an almost permanent show print in them, like they’d been jumped on. The few people inside the room still paid his no attention, other than glancing at him.

“Here you go.” Luka said, handing him a to go cup. “Nino mentioned you didn’t like coffee so I got you hot chocolate. Better than most cafes, we make our own with milk.”

“Thanks. Where are the others?”

“Kieran is still making Marin lecture Nino and it turns out Alan is a fan of your friends’ comic, so just me for now.”

“That’s fine. Maybe you can tell me why the tables have footprints on them.” Adrien said, tugging his jacket off as Luka plopped down next to him.

“I have a habit of jumping around on tables during practise. Marin yells at me for it, but I can’t help it. Which is surprising, since I’m pretty stationary during performances.”

Adrien let out a little laugh. “You sound like my cat. Doesn’t matter how many cat perches we have for him; he just climbs up anywhere else. Granted, focusing on him and glee has been a godsend for my mental health recently.”

“Yeah, I’m sure dealing with arguing parents and divorce isn’t easy.”

Adrien looked over at Luka, confused as to how he knew that.

“Oh, yeah. My mom is your mom’s lawyer.” Adrien raised an eyebrow not believing him. “She sounds like this.” Luka said in the same thick accent Anarka had.

“Holy, hey wait. Juleka is Anarka’s daughter, which means she’s…”

“My sister. Competing against each other, but don’t worry. Music is sacred in our house so we don’t play dirty.”

“Whoa.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t go fishing for anything. I just thought that things must be pretty difficult. Your dad makes mom pretty upset.”

“Yeah. It hasn’t been easy. The whole divorce hasn’t but this modelling thing is making things worse. Honestly, I’d be happy with glee drama. It’s the only thing that feels like it makes sense.”

“I get that. I’m older than Juleka, but I’ll be graduating at the same time as her because I ended up pulling out of school for a while. During all that, music was the only thing that made sense.”

“Was everything ok?” Adrien asked.

“Come here.” Luka led Adrien over to a piano that sat in the corner. “Take a breath and listen.” He ordered, resting his fingers on the keys. He watched Adrien do as he was told and he let his fingers move across the keys.

Adrien stared as he heard the emotions he’d been feeling were played. Every note and beat was everything.

“I’ve never been good at words. Mom struggled to get me to talk but she knew I liked music, so that started to become my voice. I guess the easiest way to explain it is I’m an empath. I can hear emotions and I tend to stay quiet. Some people at my old school didn’t like that I kept quite or I could play what they felt. Add on the muscle heads who didn’t understand that liking guys didn’t mean I liked them, things got insane. So I left and came here.” Luka ended Adrien’s song and sat on the bench to look at the blonde. “Even though music sort of got me into that mess, I get it being the only thing that feels like it makes sense.”

Adrien sat next to Luka. “And now you have glee. I was running from fans when I ran into our glee room. Mlle Bustier was ok with letting me hide there but when I saw how much fun everyone was having singing, I wanted to do the same. It’s been my escape.”

Luka bumped his elbow into Adrien’s side. “And people think models aren’t anything like us.”

“I’m really sorry you had to deal with that stuff, but I guess if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have met Nino and he wouldn’t have taken us here and we wouldn’t get to meet.”

“Guess there’s a silver lining for everything. It’s a shame we’re going up against each other in Sectionals. Hanging out with you would be fun.”

“Well,” Adrien said, shrugging, “No one said we can’t text.”

“I thought one of your team members dated a guy from an opposing team?”

“Who said anything about dating? We’re just texting. I mean, Nino texts you and the others, right? What makes me so different?”

Luka let out a laugh. “Fair enough. Adrien Agreste, rebel. I think you’ve been around my mom too much; she’s starting to take an effect on you.”

“You say that as if being a rebel is a bad thing.”

                                          ______________________

Well Adrien wasn’t a rebel, but he did enjoy talking to Luka. he was easy to talk to and they had a lot in common. When employing the same rules Juleka and Luka had on their houseboat when it came to glee, it was easy to forget he was competing against him. Nino encouraged it when he found out.

“Besides, if you end up liking Lu and asking him out, then I can ask Kieran out. Maybe. I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

It wasn’t hard to like Luka. he was good looking and funny and nice and his singing voice was amazing. But Adrien also knew dating during competition season was asking for another Chloe situation even if Luka would never do what that asshole ex did. So, Adrien made a deal with himself, he’d ask Luka out after Sectionals. One of them would win and then they wouldn’t compete anymore unless a space opened up. It would be fine.

I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing "Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

And of course listening to Luka sing Viva la Vida made Marc lean over to him and tell him if he didn’t ask him out, he would.

But like the world was against him, both the most amazing and worst thing happened. They tied. Chole had said how rare that happened. Adrien could only think about how he felt cheated out of asking Luka out. Which was why he waited in the bathroom, waiting for Luka to come in.

“Hi.” Luka said when he came in. he looked a bit disheartened and Adrien really hoped he was reading the reason right.

“Hey. Congratulations by the way. Your Viva la Vida was amazing. Chloe thought so too and she doesn’t compliment the competition much.”

“Thanks. I know you said you were a countertenor but I never expected you to hold that note in So much better.”

“Thanks. Um, listen. I really hope I haven’t been reading the signs wrong, but…I like you, enough to tell myself that after Sectionals were over, no matter what happened, I’d ask you out. But I wasn’t expecting us to both win. But that hasn’t exactly discouraged me.”

“You haven’t been reading them wrong. It was my plan too but it would really be a bad idea to date. The stakes are even higher now. Though…God, Marin might kill me for suggesting this, but how about one date? One date to get it out of our system and to also give us something to look forward to after Regionals. There isn’t a chance we’ll tie again so it’ll be fine after then, but I don’t think either of us can wait that long.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Nino poked his head in. “Adrien, bro. the bus is here, time to go.”

“Yes.” He said to Luka as he headed to the door. “I’ll text you.”

As Nino dragged him to the bus before the group got angry, Adrien told him what he and Luka planned on doing.

“As your teammate, this is a horrible idea. As your best friend, this is the best idea ever and I demand details after.”

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine

Introduction: ~7,600 words

mat barzal series

summary: A lot changes in ten years, and a lot changes when someone grows used to having constant attention, fans, and fame- so surely the boy you knew back then was long gone. Even if you had been the closest of friends that one month back in 2008, there was no way he remembers you, or even wants to talk to you anymore...

an: Here it finally is!!! I know, I know, it's super long. I was gonna split it up, but it made more sense to keep the intro in one part for the backstory and setting up the main plot and then have the rest of the story on the beach. I really hope this comes together like I want it to!

From the moment you first saw him, you knew you were going to be best friends; but what you could never know, at only nine years old, was that you were going to fall head over heels in love with him one day.

Looking back now, he was adorable as a child, but that wasn’t what your little nine-year-old mind was thinking at the time. All you were focused on back then was the sheer awesomeness of that sandcastle he was building and the overwhelming amount of loneliness that was overtaking you on what was supposed to be a fun, month-long family vacation. He was just a boy, caked in sand from crawling around on his hands and knees to construct what you thought back then was the most complex structure of architecture in existence, and you were just a girl, your desperation for a friend to play with outweighing your shyness. Your parents seemed too busy with the new babies to pay attention to you, so you had to find someone else to hang out with, and here was this boy. You had approached him hesitantly, just really wanting something to do and someone to play with other than your annoying siblings, hoping that he wouldn’t turn you away.

“Did you make that?” Your first words to him were spoken shyly, hesitant, and had him looking up at you, squinting from the sun through his dark locks of hair.

“Yeah.”

“All by yourself?” He nodded again, looking proud. “It’s awesome!”

“Thanks!” He glanced back to his work for a second before pushing himself to his feet and offering you a sand bucket. “You wanna help?”

“Yes, please.”

“Cool.” He smiled brightly, showing off a missing tooth, and you smiled back, it was impossible not to with how full of sunshine this boy seemed to be. You followed him out towards the water to scoop up some wet sand. “I’m Mat.”

“I’m (Y/N).”

It was really that simple to become friends. You soon came to find that Mat was really funny, one of the funniest people you’d ever met- and still to this day you couldn’t forget how green his eyes sparkled in the sunlight while he was laughing, even if he was just laughing at his own silly jokes. The two of you slaved away at building your sandcastle in the hot sun and laughing at each other’s jokes for what seemed like hours before your parents came over to find you playing with a new friend. Your parents and his talked- about nothing you cared about at that age- while you and Mat sat with your feet in the water, eating ice pops and getting sunburned without a care in the world.

You still thought back to that month to this day. It was still one of your happiest memories: those hot watermelon and ice pop summer days giving you sticky faces and hands and sunburnt skin, eating ice cream on your tenth birthday and skipping along the pier next to him with your moms chatting behind you, collecting shells and messing with crabs together, being splashed with seawater and laughing even though you wanted to be mad at him. That was your happy place.

One conversation you remember distinctly from later that month was when you and Mat were sitting on the beach, sifting through the sand and collecting shells. Well, you were the only one actually collecting shells; Mat thought it would be funny to sit there and throw little crustaceans at you and make you shriek. Eventually, a hush had fallen over the two of you, and Mat spoke up. “I’m gonna be in the NHL one day.”

“The what?” Mat laughed at you, but you genuinely didn’t know what he was talking about. You laugh at yourself today, looking back.

“Do you know what hockey is?”

“Duh. My dad watches it.”

“I like to play hockey. I’m going to as a job one day.”

“That sounds cool!” Your young mind couldn’t even comprehend having any adult job, let alone knowing at this age what you want to do for the rest of your life Obviously, Mat was a boy who had plans. “It looks dangerous, though, do you get hurt?”

“I don’t really get hurt much.”

“I bet you’re good at it, then.”

“I am!” You smiled and laughed with Mat and leaned over your pile of shells to hug him, the deepest form of showing affection you knew at that point.

“I’ll come to see you play one day. I promise.”

Remember when life was so simple that a sandcastle was all that was needed to spark the beginning of a wonderful friendship, even if it only lasted a month? Remember when we didn’t have to worry about grades and work and money and taxes? Sometimes you wished you could take yourself back to that month, so you could have a distraction. You’ve been looking for a distraction like Mat had been all your life- while your parents fought from the other room, while you stressed over tests in school, during heartbreak after heartbreak, while you dealt with pressure taking standardized tests or getting your first job, or moving to New York City alone only weeks shy of your 20th birthday during the summer before you started college. Every now and then you would forget about that summer, but the moment you’d stress over something, your mind just drifted off and daydreamed of that lighthearted smile, and those shining green eyes, and you hoped he was happy wherever he was.

Mat.

Damn it, you would have tried years ago to google him or something if you knew his last name, or even where he lived. Unfortunately, those aren’t topics of interest to children, so they never popped up in your conversation, and neither your mom or dad seemed to care enough to remember what they talked about with his parents, probably too busy fighting all the time, you mused.

The fall after you’d moved to New York for college, your roommate Amy, who was extremely welcoming and always made you feel at home, decided to introduce you to the sports teams of the city in an effort to get you out of your apartment and away from your work. It was just your luck, you realized later, that she was especially into hockey. You were vaguely familiar with hockey, your dad used to be a huge hockey fan in your youth, but stopped many years ago in the midst of your parent’s marriage practically falling apart. Now he only watched it occasionally, a few years behind on who was up-and-coming. “Hey, might as well learn the sport. Maybe one day you’ll reconnect with that boy from your long-ago summer romance!” She spoke teasingly, lightheartedly, always loving to hear the sweet story of your childhood best friend who had slipped away and may have disappeared forever. She was always one for cliches. You had told her many things about your time with Mat, but never used his name; no, that felt too personal, as if he was a secret for only you to know about.

“Oh, come on, Ames!” You laughed, but you couldn’t help but hope. “We were, like, ten! I don’t think that qualifies as romance.”

“Maybe not, but the way you describe him… If you would’ve met in your teens, that story would have ended with some cute, awkward first kisses.” She loved a good love story, and you smiled and shook your head. Yeah, honestly, you wish you’d known him later in your life.

“Yeah, maybe.”

So, eventually, she took you to an Islanders game, letting you borrow a blue hoodie of hers from her large collection of NHL merchandise so that you would look like more of a fan. You sat through the game with her, excited and interested and eager to learn as she kept pointing things out to you to help you understand the game. Despite it being an NHL game, you hadn’t thought of the boy that sparked your interest in the sport all night, until, about halfway through the game, you saw a name mentioned overhead.

Mathew Barzal.

You knew it was nothing. Literally nothing. There are plenty of other people named Mathew, idiot. But you couldn’t help the soft spark of memories in you. You pushed it out of your mind and went back to the game, even though something, just something was nagging away in your head. When you looked up to the screen above the ice, you caught a glance of the name again. Mathew, spelled with one ‘T’.  A vivid memory pops to your head- you and Mat tracing your names and other words into the sand with sticks, just for fun, because that’s what entertains a ten-year-old apparently.

“I’m gonna be in the NHL one day.”

Mathew. One ‘T’. NHL. You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, plenty of people probably spelled it that way, and you were probably grasping at straws, but hey what were the odds? A hockey player, Mathew. If only you could get a good look at the guy. Or… or something. You probably wouldn’t even recognize someone after ten years of not seeing them; you could hardly recognize ten-year-old you in photos! In your head, Mat was still eleven years old. Honestly, was there even a way to figure out if it was him or not? Ask him if he happened to meet a girl on a family vacation a decade ago? Yeah, and when would you get the chance to ask a professional athlete such personal questions?

...Well, tonight, apparently.

As you left your seats after the game, everyone happy and celebratory after a win, you almost had a heart attack when Amy grabbed your arm and shrieked. “Oh my God, oh my God, (Y/N)!” She pointed to her phone in shock, and you still couldn’t tell what she was reacting to, but calmed down, realizing it probably wasn’t life-threatening.

“Holy shit, Ames, are you trying to kill me?”

“Listen, listen.” She calmed down a bit, letting out a small laugh. “So let's just say someone I know, knows somebody,” You laughed a bit, knowing this was gonna be some new interesting gossip. “And they know where the players are going out to celebrate tonight.” She sent you a suggestive, winking look.

“No way. You want to go and… interact with them? Professional athletes? Us, talking to professional athletes?”

“I mean, yeah. Are you telling me you don’t want to flirt with a hockey player?” She saw the look on your face and shook her head. “Or! Or not even flirt. Just talk. Get a picture with them, or a signature? Or just let me talk and you can wave to them. I can promise you they’re all pretty nice to their fans.”

“You sound as if you’ve talked to them all before.”

“No, only one. And it was more of me talking and him saying ‘cool, cool.’ while he signed my jersey. But I always hear that they’re really sweet.”

“Well,” you thought for a moment. It would be pretty freaking cool to try and befriend a professional athlete, or even just pretend for a night that you knew them. You definitely don’t go out enough, you hadn’t really been to many bars- you had only turned 20 a few months ago and couldn’t drink yet, so what was the point? In fact, you’d barely left your tiny apartment since moving, and even though you weren’t one for bars or clubs, you were in New York City, for fuck’s sake! Might as well go out and live, right? “Alright, let’s go. But if we actually see them, you have to be my wing-woman.”

“Oh, hell yes.”

The bar you were going to wasn’t far from the rink, and according to a google search of the place, it didn’t seem too sleazy or gross- that was good. Of course it’s not sleazy, why would someone as rich as a bunch of professional athletes go to a sleazy bar? Because it was only a little further than where you had parked, the two of you walked together. As it settled in your head that you might actually see professional hockey players tonight, you started feeling a little nervous. Partially because you’ve never been in a place with that many famous people at once, but also because of the name that was still circling your brain.

“Hey, so I’ve had something on my mind because of this game.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You’re gonna think I’m completely crazy, but listen.” She looked up with a face, ready for your story.

“Give it to me.”

“Okay, so... this kid I told you about, that I met that summer? His name was Mathew. Spelled with only one ‘T’, I remember that clearly.” You laughed a bit, wondering how crazy you must have sounded to her. “And he told me he was gonna play in the NHL, right?”

After a second, you saw it click in her head. “No fuckin’ way. You think it’s Barzal?”

“Ames, I don’t know, I don’t know! There are plenty of Mathews who play hockey, right? But maybe he doesn’t even play hockey after all. Kids aren’t great at choosing their career paths, ya know? I just never learned his last name. I need his age or... something to identify him with.”

“He’s… like, 21, I think.”

“Yeah?” You paused. Why was this all actually matching up? “Yeah. So ten years ago he would’ve been eleven.”

“Holy shit, hoooolllly shit.”

“But I’m sure there are plenty of Mathews who are 21 right now.”

“Girl, holy shit. Look up a picture of him right now. If you had a summer romance with Barzy, I need to know immediately.”

“Okay, it still wasn’t really a romance, but same.” You pulled out your phone and typed his name into the search bar. “I don’t even know if I’ll recognize him after ten years.” Immediately after you opened the images tab, the first thing you noticed about him was the hair. Dark and thick and kind of wavy and looking extra soft in a few pictures, it did remind you of your Mat- whose hair had been full of sand and salt water and kept drying softly as he ran around in the sunlight- but you still couldn’t be 100% positive. It was after you scrolled past all the on ice pictures where you couldn’t really see his face well behind the helmet and found a picture of him- unstaged and off the ice and genuinely smiling- that you felt a strange spark ignite inside of you. Sunshine. His smile felt like sunshine. Maybe. Just, maybe.

Scrolling through other photos, your eyes caught one in particular. You opened a close up of his face and zoomed in a tiny bit more. Those eyes, shining all pretty and green in the sunlight. You could never forget them- not after ten years, and not after a hundred. His eyes, his chin, even the size of his goddamn nostrils, all the tiny, stupid details in his face… was this actually him? “Biiiitch....” Amy leaned closer to you and bumped shoulders with you in acknowledgment.

“What? Do you recognize something?”

“Kinda, yeah. It’s so weird.”

“So you think it’s seriously him?”

“I don’t know. But the last picture of his smile, I’d recognize that smile anywhere and… this. His eyes- that eye color…. I remember thinking it’s so pretty… even his fucking nostrils, Amy!” The fact that you took note of his nostrils might have been funny at another time, but you were currently having a crisis as to whether or not you were once friends with fucking Mathew Barzal.

“Yeah, I mean, they’re kinda big…”

“I… I don’t want to say that I think it’s him, that might just be me being too hopeful. But...”

“Holy shit. You might have been Barzy’s friend at one point. You could reconnect with him, and we could hang out with the players!” You shot her a look, and she knew to calm down. “Sorry. Alright, whether or not it was him, I’m still gonna get you to talk with him tonight.” You hadn’t realized that you had basically arrived at the bar, and you felt your heart start pumping you full of nerves as she opened the door. “You have my word.”

The bar wasn't too crazy- there was music playing overhead and that weird hazy bar feeling lingered in the air. Immediately you could see that there was a celebratory group of of tall men, some standing at the bar talking with each other, others talking with girls- some shared wedding bands with the women they were talking to, their wives apparently. So you figured those were the players. 

 “I can’t believe it.” Amy was still in shock next to you; you were too, but you needed to pull it together. “You and Barzal…”

“Well, we don’t actually know yet.” You pulled her into you by the elbow. “But please please don’t mention that to them, I don’t need them to think I’m crazy before I even talk to them.” She nodded back, but before either of you could comprehend what was happening, somebody- obviously one of the hockey players- seemed to catch her eye as they came into view near the bar. “A player you like?”

“Anthony Beauvillier.” She pronounced his name with an obvious swoon and you laughed. Oh, so this was that favorite player that she kept talking about. “Tito. Yeah. He’s cool.” She nudged you, smirking. “Oh! And he’s besties with Mat! I bet I could get him for you.”

“You? Talking to them?” As much as Amy liked to talk and wanted to meet the players, you knew she wasn’t the type to just go out and throw herself into conversation with somebody, and you knew she easily got tongue-tied- that’s where the two of you were most similar. But maybe it was just the fact that she was trying to help you out that gave her the boost of confidence to begin chasing after him. “Hey, actually, maybe we shouldn’t bother them. I’m sure they’re tired of dealing with fans.”

“We won’t pester them or anything. I’m sure they’ll see we’re not like, crazy crazy fans. Anyway we have a mission.”

“A mission?”

“Operation… I don’t know, Operation Find Mat Barzal for (Y/N).”

“Wow. Creative.”

“I know.” She laughed and smiled at you reassuringly. “Come on, both of us need to learn to be more assertive, don’t you think? We’re not annoying them, just telling them we think they’re cool, and maybe getting a picture. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.” There was nothing you could say before she was- to your horror- reaching out and tapping Anthony’s arm. You were sure you looked nervous as he turned to look at the two of you, and your friend started rambling with a big starstruck smile on her face. “Hi, uh yeah. You’re cool.” You weren’t only feeling embarrassed yourself, but also for her. “I’m a big fan!”

To your surprise- or maybe not, he seemed like a sweet guy- he smiled back at her, and you almost melted under kinda his blue eyes as he looked between the two of you. He thanked her as she complimented his performance tonight and motioned to the phone in her hand. “You want a picture?”

“Yes please!” You took her phone for her to snap a couple of pictures of the two of them, glad that this guy seemed so chill and friendly. After the picture was taken, Amy still didn’t let him leave, no, to your absolute horror, she motioned to you. “My friend here, (Y/N), tonight was the first game she’s ever been to.” You could feel your cheeks heat up when he looked over at you, but couldn’t help but smile back up to him. Oh, he was kinda really cute...

“Oh yeah? Hope you enjoyed it.”

Oh. Oh, he was actually talking to you! “Yeah, yeah. I didn’t understand everything that was happening, I’m still learning, but.. it was still really fun!”

“Actually,” you felt Amy’s arm fall across your shoulders, and you looked over at her. God, what was she planning now? “(Y/N) happens to be a big fan of Barzy.”

“Oh God, Ames stop…”

“And I’m sure she’d like a picture with him. So if you could, I don’t know… point her in his direction, please? If he’s here? And if you think he’s got time for it?” You were in the middle of burying your red face in your hands in embarrassment when you heard him laugh goodheartedly.

“He wouldn’t mind. He likes talking to his fans.”

“Really?”

“I’m sure he’ll be especially happy to meet a new fan. He loves the praise.” All three of you laughed a bit, and you couldn’t believe that you were currently chatting with an NHL player. He looked behind his shoulder for a moment, before moving aside and motioning to the bar. “He’s over at the bar somewhere, by himself for the moment. Better hurry before someone else beats you to it.” There was a certain lilt in his voice, was… was he teasing you? You smiled- but it probably looked pretty nervous- and glanced over to Ames.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” She winked at you and nudged you in the direction of the bar. “Go!”  

You bit your lip to hold back the growing smile at the thought of getting to talk to him, whether or not he remembered you at all. You looked up at Tito with a quick “Thank you!” before snaking around him and finding your way to the bar.

It didn’t take you long to notice him- he had a recognizable face, and you’d recognize him anywhere after looking at pictures of him for the whole ten-minute walk from the rink to this bar. He was standing at the bar, drink in his hand, and scrolling through his phone, a lock of dark hair drooping onto his forehead. His skin looked so golden in this light, as if he was back under the sun on a hot summer day- and it gave him a striking resemblance to the boy you knew ten years ago. There was something so different about seeing him in person rather than as a photo on your phone- it sparked up a weird feeling inside of you. If this was really him, it had been ten years since you last saw him, and a lot changes in ten years of somebody’s life. It may have been a strange thought but, wow, puberty really hit him in all the right places. He looked… wow. His cheekbones, his jawline,…. Okay, maybe it was kinda thirsty- ogling him like this- but you couldn’t help it.

Not only had he obviously changed physically, but he might be a completely different person. He was a professional athlete now- why would he need you anymore? That much attention changes a person. He might not be as kind as he was back then at eleven years old, he might not want to be friends with you or reconnect.

That is, if this even is him.

You swallowed down all your nerves and slid up next to where he was standing.

“You really made it to the NHL, huh?”  No shit he made it to the NHL, you thought. What the fuck kind of conversation starter is that?  It was a painstakingly slow moment as he directed his full attention away from his phone and towards you, and could practically feel the shot of confidence and adrenaline draining from your body when his pretty, confused eyes met yours. Oh, they’re a lot more light brown than they are green, you noticed, and you wondered if maybe all your memories of his “dazzling, gleaming green eyes” were wrong. You realized how strange you must look to him- you were just a random girl, approaching a super successful, let alone attractive, professional athlete at a bar. He probably thought you were trying to get a drink off of him or get into his pants for the clout.

Maybe you were expecting him to look up and immediately recognize you after ten years and sweep you up into a hug like in the movies, but it certainly didn’t seem like that’s what was coming.

“Yeah…?"  

He looked confused- his eyebrows furrowed up a bit as he looked you over, sizing you up or checking you out or just trying to figure out why this stranger was approaching him about his career choices. Suddenly, you found it difficult to hold eye contact. Of course he didn’t remember you. Who needs to remember their one-month-long friendship when they’re busy getting into the NHL? This was really starting to make you feel pathetic for holding onto the memory of your super short friendship for so long.

Well, you officially wanted the floor to open up and swallow you. Right now would be great. "Okay… that probably sounded really, really strange if you don't remember me. Or if it’s not even you. Umm, we hung out together in 2000 something…. 2008? The summer of '08?” You laughed awkwardly, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “We were, like ten, eleven?" He still said nothing, just watching you with a strange, unreadable look in his eyes. Oh god, you wanted  lightning to strike you dead, NOW. Literally anything would be better than standing here waiting for him to say something, anything! Even if he just says 'Who the fuck are you?' It would be better than silence. The silence was humiliating. "Okay, I’m so sorry. I probably got this all wrong and look like a weirdo." Right as you started to back away to run to find Amy and get the hell out of here, he held out a hand.

“Wait, wait!" His eyebrows shot up as if he couldn’t believe something, his outstretched hand reaching back to run through his hair. "Holy shit. Is it… (Y/N)?"  Your heart almost stopped right there, the moment he said your name, either that or it was beating so fucking fast you couldn't feel it. He said your name. Your name. He knows your name.

"Yeah.” You watched his face relax into a gleaming smile. Like sunshine. It’s him. You knew it now. “So I’m not crazy? It's… it’s actually you? Mat?"

"It's actually me." For the first time since you set foot in the bar, you felt yourself relax completely, and although you hadn’t had any alcohol, you felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Jesus, it was actually him. You crossed your arms on the bar and lay your forehead down on it. "Sorry, I just, it took me a second. I should have recognized you sooner.” You laughed a little bit into your arms at the sheer craziness of the situation. He still had that same warmth to him, the way he was always able to make you feel happy and safe, like when he distracted you on the beach while your parents were yelling inside or when he went too far trying to scare you with crabs and had to hug you and promise you he’d protect you from them.

“I can’t believe this.” You lifted your head to look back up at him, and he had a wide smile spreading across his face. “We actually ended up in the same city ten years later without even knowing each other’s last names.”

“Holy shit. Ten years? I feel old. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday.” Your heart soared at the idea that he still thinks of you- of the fun you two had together that summer. He took a sip from his drink, going quiet and just staring at his glass with a smile.

“You still think about it?”

“Sure, sometimes. I wonder how you’re doing, and where you ended up. I guess you ended up in New York.” He looked back up at you, eyes catching yours and gleaming all honey-hued golden brown and sending butterflies straight to your stomach. You could barely contain yourself, it didn’t matter that this was Mathew fucking Barzal you were talking to because to you he was still just your Mat, and that was even better. The sandy little boy with scraped knees. You couldn’t help but imagine how many people would kill to be in your position right now.

“I guess I just thought you would have forgotten about that summer, considering how successful you are now and stuff.”

He shook his head, smiling softer and reassuringly. “C’mon. I could never forget about that. It was my favorite summer to date.” He extended an arm and dropped it across your shoulder, pulling you in closer- no closer than two friends should be, but much closer than you ever thought you’d be to someone of his "social rank". It wasn’t any closer than you’d been in the past, but you were children back then. Now, you were young adults with hormones. He was a man. You would be crazy not to notice how warm and built he felt under his hoodie from obvious years of playing hockey, and there were dirty thoughts spinning around your head as soon as his large hand dropped to your arm and the dizzying scent of his cologne hit your nose. “You want a drink?”

You blushed and stuttered, shaking away any indecent thoughts. “Uh, I- I can’t. Yet.”

He seemed confused for a moment before laughing. “That’s right! You're a year younger than me, right? Aww, you’re still a baby. Can’t even drink yet.” He ruffled your hair gently, careful not to actually mess it up, and called the bartender over and asked for a glass of water, making sure to let him know that you weren’t old enough to drink yet. You could only laugh, remembering how much he loved to tease you back then. He obviously hasn’t changed in that department. “Ya know, you could’ve just DM'd me or something as soon as you found me. You didn’t need to dramatically approach me in a bar.”

“Well, I did kinda only find you tonight,”

His eyes went wide with a smile. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, like an hour ago. Listen...” You launched into your story as to how you came to realize that your long lost friend was NHL star Mathew Barzal, and how you didn't actually know who he was as a player. He actually listened intently, unlike any of the disappointing boyfriends you’d had in the past. Man, whatever girl he gets is gonna be lucky. “I wasn’t sure if it was you or not. I spent the entire walk here looking up pictures and trying to decide if I actually recognized you or if it was just my brain being hopeful.”

“Wow. I guess I’ve changed, huh?” He rubbed a hand across his face, still smiling that stupid, beautiful smile that made you all nervous, and your eyes followed, tracing over the familiarity of his features- from his eyes up to his hair and down to his chin, maybe lingering for a second too long on the way his lips looked so soft and tender right now, curled up at the corners into a little smirk.

“Not that much, actually.”

You hadn’t realized how intimate that moment seemed until he caught your gaze, smiling cheekily, and you were pretty sure he knew you were just checking him out. “Lucky for you, you got to skip past my awkward teenage years.” He lightened the mood, poking fun at himself like he knew how to do. Brushing the hazy hot feelings out of the air and blaming them on the rush of meeting your childhood friend after all these years, you reached for your water in order to cool the fire inside of you and the blush on your cheeks.

“Oh, I’m sure I would’ve loved to see that.”

You and Amy were over the fucking moon when you went home that night. You had exchanged Instagram handles and said your goodbyes to each of the men you had been talking with- she claimed to have been talking to Tito for the rest of the night and honestly, you’d believe anything at this point, after learning that your childhood romance- ahem, friendship- was with Mat Barzal. It took everything in you not to shriek like crazed fangirls. As soon as you got out of the bar, the realization finally hit you that you finally found Mat, and meanwhile, Amy was starstruck, having spent the night actually talking to NHL players and actually holding solid conversation.

“Holy shit please tell me everything! Right now!”

“Ames…” You could have told her what it was like to talk to him, disregarding anything in your past, the way he listened intently and made you feel like the only person in the world when his eyes were on you. You took her hands and looked into her eyes seriously, “Ames, we were right.” Okay, so much for not shrieking. Your friend threw her arms around you, jumping up and down for you. You couldn’t blame her, everything that happened tonight was crazy.

“You’re telling me that the kid you hung out with at ten years old has evolved into the one and only Mathew Barzal? Did he remember you?”

To be honest, it had taken everything in you not to try and drag him home with you or go home with him. He was intoxicating in all his warmth, the way his nose scrunched up, and his eyebrows arched when he smiled. The way he threw his head back when he laughed. The scent of his cologne had buzzed around your senses all night, clouding your judgment and making you want to say “fuck reconnecting as friends” and jump him right there. In fact, it still lingered around you after being pulled against his chest all night, and part of you wondered if it was the alcohol in his system, though not enough to make him drunk, that caused him to wrap his arm over your shoulder. If you had maybe harbored a tiny crush since your summer with him, it was heightened times 100 because of tonight.

You could tell that reconnecting with him- and eventually becoming friends again- was going to take a lot of self-control if you were gonna feel like this the whole time.

“Yeah. And he wants to catch up tomorrow. He said he’d DM me.” Amy was in the middle of shrieking in joy for you when, as if on cue, your phone buzzed in your pocket, and the first thing you saw after opening it was a message.

barzal97: Get home safe :)

“Girl, he loves you!” You laughed and shook your head as she shook your shoulder and patted your back, “You snagged yourself a hockey player!”

After you left, Mat didn’t see any reason to stay out longer. He almost couldn’t believe it- had someone slipped something in his drink? Was this just a dream? But then he opened Instagram and scrolled through your Instagram momentarily after DMing you and stopped on a picture of you and your friends, it was clear- he’d found you. You’d found him, more like. After ten goddamn years. It felt like a movie. You still had the same vibe, he could feel it in him the moment you were beside him. What was it…? Familiarity. Warmth. Comfort. Nostalgia. Whatever it was, it was you. After taking a moment to reflect on everything that had just happened, he was quick to finish his drink and find his friend, wanting to head home and prepare for his little meetup tomorrow.  

As he was heading out the door with Tito, Mat knew he needed to confide in somebody. “You’ll never guess what happened.”

“Does it have something to do with that girl I sent over?”

“(Y/N)? You sent her over?”

“Yeah, I was talking with her friend. I noticed she didn’t come back after going to look for you.” Mat noticed the suggestive tone in his friend's voice and felt his face go pink at the thought of hiding away in a bathroom to make out- and maybe more- with you.

“No! Nothing like that. She was my friend when we were kids.” He had a serious look on his face, and Tito knew that Mat wasn’t kidding about this. “Really. We have a crazy story. We met ten years ago on vacation. We hung out for a month, and I haven’t heard from her since. I didn’t know her last name or anything, and she didn’t know mine, so it’s not like we could look for each other. But she found me.”

“Wow. She just said she was a fan.”

“Well, wouldn’t you think they were crazy if they told you that story.”

“It does sound like a movie.” He laughed a bit, patting Mat’s back. “So, what’s the deal with her now? Friend? Do you liiiike her? Do you like-like her?” The teasing tone in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.

“What are we, in middle school?” But he still shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know. We’re going out to catch up tomorrow.”

“Ooh.”

“Shut up.” He went silent for a moment, wondering over his question. Did he like you? He wasn’t sure. “Ya know, she’s with me in almost every photo from that summer. That’s how much we were together.”

“Well, if you guys hit it off, you should date.  I don’t need a competitor for best friend.” It was a joke, Mat knew and smiled at it, but he honestly couldn’t shake the idea of dating you. No, no, he’s only feeling this way because he hasn’t seen you in a while. It’s nothing but a bunch of resurfacing memories.

Hopefully, anyway.

The two of you really did hit it off the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next. You still got along just as well as you did when you were young, and maybe even better, now that you were adults and had more interesting things to talk about. He was funny, even funnier than he was as a child, and despite your original thought that the fame of being in the NHL must have changed him, he was actually kind of modest and shrugged and smiled with a pink flush on his face when you brought up his accomplishments. It was easy to be with him. He could talk and talk about his life and still keep you comfortable, inviting you to tell your own story, gushing over accomplishments that felt so small to you.

And that one catch-up date ended up being months and months more of friendship.

Friendship with Mat was one of the best things that ever happened to you. He was the ideal friend, he listened to you and kept an eye on you and pushed you out of your comfort zone when it was necessary. He loved hearing you talk about things you enjoyed and tried his best to find joy in your hobbies, even if he thought some were funny or boring. He was sweet, endearing, teasing. And it wasn’t long before he began bringing you out on casual outings with some of his personal friends, gushing and getting really into telling the story of how you were separated for ten years and reunited by maybe fate, maybe luck, who knew.

The only problem was that you wanted him to kiss you.

You wanted him to kiss you when you went out with him and Tito and Amy on Christmas, singing carols together and teasing him, asking him to sing louder because you loved the sound. You wanted him to kiss you on New Years, when you stood hand in hand in Times Square, shivering and smiling with red cheeks, but instead settled for a hug. You wanted him to kiss you after returning from his first All Star game in January, you wanted to congratulate him on being an All Star, because he spent so much time praising you and you wanted him to know he was just as amazing. You wanted him to kiss you when he was drunk on his 22nd birthday, all red-faced and giggly and dancing in the nightclub with a red solo cup in his hand and that stupid snapback on that made him look like a frat boy but suited him so well. He was hugging you to his side with one arm and, even like this, you were just praying that he would lay a messy, drunk kiss onto your cheek.

You just wanted his lips on yours. So, so bad.

But despite that, behind Amy, who was still holding onto the title of best friend, he was always the one you went to when you needed comfort or a companion or a distraction, or just to talk about certain things. Things like this.  

A week after his birthday, seven months into your friendship, you showed up at his door without warning, slumping against the doorframe when he opened it. “I have a problem.”

“With showing up unannounced? Yeah, I know.” He was joking and smiling, but maybe you missed it with how stressed you were. When you didn’t respond, he must have noticed the tired, strained look on your face and his happy expression dropped. He let you into his apartment, snaking an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest. It wasn’t an odd thing in your friendship, he was always a touchy guy, especially when you were down, and you always welcomed it. He pulled you over to sit at the island in his kitchen and sat across from you. “What’s wrong?”

“I got a voicemail from my parents today.” You were already pulling out your phone to play the voicemail for him. Ever since that one month on the beach eleven years ago now, you and your family had been going back every summer for a week, up until four years ago, when you suddenly had a summer job and couldn’t afford to take a week off. You missed the beach, sure, but you definitely didn’t miss the way your parents would always find a way to argue and fight. Now, they were calling you and asking if you could come along this year.

“I think I’m missing the problem here. What’s so bad about a beach trip?”

You sighed and lifted your head. “Well, I want to go, and I already got my boss’s okay to take that week off. I really miss the beach. But my family is just… so overwhelming sometimes. I could try to hang out alone the whole time, but I’ll go crazy before the week is over.” There was a pause as Mat leaned back in thought, considering his options. Was this crazy? Was he crazy for doing this? Definitely. But, fuck it, ya know?

“I can come with.”

You scoffed. "No way, I'm sure you have other plans."

"Not really. Not that week." He saw the look on your face, and he really didn’t want you to have to deal with your family all alone for a week. "Look, I'll pay for my share of the trip, and I won't bother anybody." You laughed. There's no way Mat could go a week without bothering anybody. He laughed along, glad to see you happy. "Seriously. If you need somebody, I'll be there."

And that was it. That was how you ended up on a beach trip with the one and only Mathew Barzal, eleven years after you first met..

The first few hours of the trip down were blurry. Your family, in true vacationer nature, decided that all of you, your parents, siblings, you and Mat, should carpool together. So, at 8:00 AM, you loaded into the car, your parents up front, obviously, your younger twin siblings behind them so they could be monitored, and you and Mat in the very back. This was definitely a bad idea, 100%, but you couldn’t help the giddy feeling that sparked up inside of you when you told your family you would be bringing a boy along. Or the feeling you got when you looked at Mat sitting next to you, looking worn out and sleepy after six hours of travel-rest stop-travel-gas stop, with four more hours of travel left and suggested he try to get some sleep. You slept through the rest of the day, only waking up for bathroom breaks and rest stops, until eventually, you woke up around six in the evening with your head on Mat’s shoulder and his body angled towards yours, snoring softly and looking ever so soft.

“Mat, Mat wake up.” You shook him gently, laughing at the way he was drooling a little bit. He blinked his pretty eyes open and looked around, a little dazed.

“Are we there?” His sleepy, mumbling voice was so cute.

“Technically, yeah. But we can’t get into the rental house until tomorrow morning. So we found a place to sleep.” He groaned, his eyes slipping shut in protest, and showed no sign of moving from his seat. “Come on, you’d rather sleep in a real bed than this car, right?”

Those words had him slipping out of the car, his eyes half shut and holding your hand loosely, dragging his feet the whole way as you led the way to your shared room. He looked so cute in this outfit, grumpy and soft in a tee shirt and shorts and his hair looking extra messy. There was nothing you wanted to do more than sleep, but one detail had you stopping in your tracks as you opened the door.  Your parents had paid for three rooms- one for them, your siblings, and you and Mat- and of course, since your parents hated each other and apparently can’t stand to sleep in the same bed anymore, you and Mat got stuck in the room with one bed. Mat didn’t seem to care though, as he dropped his slides by the door and immediately collapsed in the bed, falling asleep almost immediately after mumbling for you.

“C’mon, (Y/N), get in...”

As you dropped down beside him in bed an appropriate distance from him and tried to ignore the sleeping beauty beside you, you began wondering if this whole trip was a bad idea. No, no way, you quickly pushed that thought away. This was Mat, your Mat, and you’re actually on the beach again with him. You fell asleep that night with a smile on your face, listening to the soft snores of the man beside you and trying to imagine what your week had in store for you.

Realistically, there's only one thing you can predict about this trip- it’s gonna take a lot of self-control.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

What if (Construction worker/ high school sweetheart AU)

Summary: Life leads Y/N and Grayson in different directions after high school and they meet years later, rehashing the past. But life has its own plans for old lovers who just wanted one another.

Warnings: angst, fluff, death

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N - This was in my drafts for a long time, so if you guys like it and want more, let me know.

*           ***               *              ***               *

Two hearts, one valve, pumpin' the blood, we were the flood, we were the body. Two lives, one life, stickin' it out, lettin' you down and makin' it right.

Seasons, they will change, life will make you grow, dreams will make you cry because everything is temporary, everything will slide, our love will never die.

I know that birds fly in different directions, but I hope to see you again.

Sunsets, sunrises, livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves, changin' the seasons. Some nights I think of you, relivin' the past, wishing it'd last, wishing and dreaming.

Imagine Dragons - Birds

*           ***               *              ***               *

There are few big moments that make a person. Moments that bear the weight of a thousand suns that claim pieces of your soul. Some are love, a goodbye or a tragedy. For me, it was all three, all at the same time.

I left New Jersey six years ago soon after a tragedy claimed the lives of both my parents. I was only seventeen at the time, still a stupid teenager with a conviction everything my parents say is useless and only there as punishment. We were on our way home from my grandparents, arguing about a party I wanted to attend when a car swerved into our lane and dad had no chance of avoiding it.

I remember every detail of the crash, every single moment in slow motion, including the moment I realized I would be an orphan before darkness took me too.

After that, my life changed irrevocably. The only comfort I had was my high school sweetheart, Grayson Dolan and his big bear hugs I melted into.

We meet very few people who can shake up your world and still keep you steady. Grayson Dolan was all that and more. My heart always felt comfortable and safe in his hands. I believe we all encounter three different loves in our lives – your soulmate, the love of your life and eventually the one you settle for. Some people get to meet only one, some two, while others meet all three.

I don’t know which one of these is Grayson, after all, our story had an abrupt ending.

The funeral came and went. My grandparents moved to our house to take care of me, but I felt suffocated. Every inch of that house represented them and it haunted me. Survival guilt ruined me. The guilt was like gasoline in my guts. My insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burnt me out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. Staying in New Jersey would have killed me, I just knew it.

The moment I turned eighteen, I set off to a new beginning.

I begged him to come with me. He begged me to stay. Things were said and that night I had to say goodbye to the only person that anchored me.

Alas, I said goodbye to Grayson Dolan too.

So here I am, six years later in the big city with my very own company. I never self-medicated with alcohol or drugs, rather worked harder to reach my goals. More work you put in, less time you have to think about what hurts you.

And this distance hurt me. Leaving Grayson destroyed me.

I never stopped thinking about what I left behind, about what could have been. But I learned to live with my choices. I had to.

Some people are meant to leave a mark in your life, but they don’t have to stay. No one ever does. People always leave, some willingly and some are forced to, but the end result is the same – you can only ever count on yourself.

"Your meeting at 2 is pushed back. Now you have the time to meet with the construction team that's gonna stand in for Fred." Lily, my assistant informed and I nod, sipping on my tea before rushing out the door. My company deals with architecture, building and interior designing and my usual construction crew bailed in the last minute, forcing me to look for another.

"You also have to meet the new architect. It took me two weeks to find him and we will not cancel!" Lily ordered, making me giggle. “I mean it. He comes highly recommended and his work so far matches your vision so perfectly.”

"I'll do it. Just point me in the right direction." Hands raised in mock surrender, I follow her index finger to the conference room and I nearly gasp at the beautiful man waiting inside.

With my head held high and back straight, I walk into the room, ready to meet this exquisite specimen.

"Sorry for the wait." I start with an apology, immediately offering a hand to shake which he gladly accepts.

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N, the owner and acting CEO of this company." I finish the introduction, noticing the man's smile growing which only accentuates his naturally handsome features.

"Pleasure is all mine." Bowing his head, angling my hand up ever so slightly, he presses his lips to the back of it like a proper gentleman. It’s almost impossible not to swoon over the gesture or the British accent I noted immediately when he spoke.

"Although, I must say I'm disappointed you do not remember me." He feigns hurt, letting my hand go slowly, reluctantly.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, wetting my lips and take a second look at the man. “Pardon?”

His dark blonde hair is perfectly curly, long enough for them to form but not to fall to his forehead as it would make it seem unkempt. His large, deep-set blue eyes bore into mine almost as if he’s looking for something he cared for dearly but lost along the way. A spark hiding behind his heavy look reminds me of a flame I once lost myself. The color is different, but the emotion remains the same.

His lips are set in a confident smirk, aware of my hungry, shameless gaze. His lips are rosy instead of pink, small instead of plush. His cheekbones are set high and defined, just as is his sharp jawline that could cut glass like a diamond.

He's tall. Much taller than I am. The broad shoulders give enough definition to his muscles so one can easily conclude he works out, but doesn't kill himself in the gym.

He is the epitome of beauty. Perfection. I can't deny that.

"I'm sorry. I don't believe we've met." I apologize again, wanting to keep this man around. For business purposes.

"It's Troy Lahey. We met when I was just an assistant. I suppose I didn't leave a lasting impression." Quirking an eyebrow, Troy brushes the awkwardness away as he helps me take my seat like a gentleman would.

Grayson used to do that for me as well. Opening the door, taking out the chair, even carrying my bag no matter how pink or flowery it is. A rare quality in men these days. Even after all these years, I compare everyone to Grayson. It’s involuntary, almost like a compulsive need.

"I'll make sure I remember you now." I muss, steering the conversation business wise. It didn't take long for us to reach an agreement as he is an agreeable man, very open minded and open to adventure.

"Have you ever hear about Rosie's?" He stops to ask just as I stand to take my leave. I turn around with lips part, possibly some worry passing my features. No matter how hard I’ve worked on my poker face, I still can’t hide my surprise. I can’t remember the last time a man as attractive like him paid any attention to me. More likely, I can’t remember the last time I paid any attention to a man, any man.

"Please don't tell me they're closing. It's my favorite restaurant." I frown, seeing his face light up as he stands as well.

"Nothing like that. I was just wondering if I could buy you dinner this Friday. Or any day you please?" He proposes and I nearly choke on my saliva. He's handsome. He's intelligent. He's everything I searched for and everything I avoided to find.

My heart is still bleeding. My heart still needs time. Six years isn't enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.

"Since we've just agreed to work together on a project, I cannot in good conscience agree to that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to get to." I say politely, noting his smile grow as if he took my rejection as a challenge and although I'm sure it bruised his ego, he won't just stop. He knows I like him and he seems like a man who fights for what he wants.

"I'm a determined man and I think you know that."

"Arrogant." I challenge, fueling the fire.

"Mhmm...I'd say confident." His charming accent can stop a women's heart and while I'd usually find the persistence annoying, he doesn't annoy me. If anything, he amuses me.

But I walk out the door regardless, waving over my shoulder.

Rushing halfway across town, I manage to get to my second meeting just in time. Still in a frenzy, I walk into the meeting only to find someone I never thought I'd see again.

Dropping my files, I feel my legs wobble as I stumble forward and lose footing.

Strong arms wrap around me, catching me in the nick of time and I open my eyes to find myself in a warm embrace of my first love.

"Grayson?" I breathe out his name, my hand instinctively cupping his cheek like I did all those years ago.

"It's really you." He says slowly, his eyes taking me in like I'm a mirage. His earthly hues glaze over with tears as I swallow my own.

Six years of distance between us. Six years of silence, of thinking what he must be doing and how he’s doing. Six years of picking up the phone to call him just to hear his voice. Six years and now he's here with me, holding me tightly like his life depends on it.

"Hi." I smile, feeling him slowly steady my body, but on the inside I'm fireworks and tsunamis, hurricanes catching on fire.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, not meaning to be rude, just curious. Leaning back on the desk as his hold relents, I interlock my fingers to stop my hands from shaking.

Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously as he always did, shyly looking to his feet first before allowing himself to truly look at me.

He's scanning my body, looking for something that remained the same, something to cling to. I find myself doing the same.

His hair is no longer floppy nor falling in his eyes, making it seem darker, cropped almost. His eyebrows are a little less bushy and I can't help but wonder if he has someone plucking the extra hair like I used to do whenever I managed to overpower him long enough or bribe him with a tasty treat...or myself. His lips are the same plushy pink, perfectly smooth and kissable.

Instead of smooth skin, he bears a stubble, adding age onto his once young looks. His eyes remain the same, the understanding, and kind, gentle soul shining through and he still has the wing shaped earring I bought him. It was a gift for our first month anniversary where I promised I'd be his angel, one to keep him safe as long as the earring remains in its place.

Holding my breath at that realization, I swallow thickly, allowing the need for tears to wither away.

He's grown wider, there are more muscles and definitely more tattoos. I wonder if he had our matching tattoo removed.

“It’s going to be fine.” Grayson speaks slowly, his hands clutching mine as a grin replaces his smirk. “I’ll hold your hand and everything.”

Rolling my eyes at him, I raise an eyebrow. “My parents will kill me. This isn’t even legal, Gray.” Biting my lower lip, I cast my gaze down to his thigh and the unmistakable ink etched into his skin.

“I won’t force you, but I really think it would be cute, ya know? Couple goals and all that? Imagine telling this story to our kids!” The excitement in his eyes is overpowering, entirely enchanting and I’m not sure if he’s even aware of the effect he has on people. His smile, his happiness is positively infectious. He’s incredibly charismatic and charming, turning heads without even trying.

Sighing, I nod. “As long as I get a kiss every time it hurts.”

Pecking my lips, Grayson nods too. “You have yourself a deal, my angel.”

I look at him and still see my Grayson, just a little bigger and stronger, teensy bit older but incredibly beautiful.

Does he still see me as me? Have I changed? Does he find me attractive now? Did I ever even cross his mind?

"I, uh...I was just supposed to deliver some papers. I didn't know I was delivering them to you." He puts his hands on his hips, licking his lips. His gaze wanders, scared to make eye contact.

"Construction crew?" I inquire, unsure what to do when all I want is for him to hold me like we're teenagers again and tell me all he's done or seen since we parted.

"Yeah. Ethan and I started our own little business. This was actually his idea." Grayson frowns, suspecting Ethan had organized this meeting behind his back, but I don't think so. I would have known, would I not?

"It’s really good to see you." He focuses on me once more and my heart jumps. "I missed you." He adds and I know it's over for me. All my what ifs are standing before me, incorporated into one man I had never stopped loving and no matter how hard I fight it, I want to be around him longer.

"And I you. Is it possible for you to stay? Have dinner with me while you're here?" I offer courageously, terrified he might say no.

"I'd love that!" He claps his hands together, a wide smile taking over his face and I see his eyes light up.

Smiling too, I let my heart guide me for the night. If nothing else, I should at the very least have the courage to spend a few more hours with him. After all this time, it will either offer us a second chance or give me closure.

“I have a car waiting for me, it can take us to Rosie’s.” Without thinking, I take his hand only to pause, questioning if it’s alright.

In my moment of doubt, Grayson interlocks our fingers and I let out a relieved sigh. “Rosie’s? Is it your favorite restaurant?”

Giggling, I nod. “Yeah. I always have my faves, but you knew that already.”

Once outside, Grayson steps before me, releasing my hand and just as I’m about to protest, I find he did it so he’d open the car door for me. Fighting the urge to smile, I pray my cheeks aren’t blushing at the gesture, but my eyes are flooded with emotions regardless.

“Are you okay?” Grayson’s hand rests on my hip and I hold my breath, nodding vehemently.

“Yeah, the wind is cold.” I point at my eyes, forcing a smile. “Cold winds are ruthless to my eyes.” Sniffling, I sit inside and send Lily a quick text to get me a seat at Rosie’s. Leaving my phone aside, I tuck my shaky hands under my thighs.

“It’s been so long since I came to New York. I didn’t even know you’re here now.” Grayson moves a little closer, his hand nearly brushing my thigh and I couldn’t help but glance at it every so often.

“I moved back last year. Los Angeles was beautiful and I loved the climate, but New York…It’s the closest to home.” Licking my lips, I shrug. “I guess I needed a change of scenery.”

“Miss, Lily wanted you to know Rosie’s closed for the day, but she made a reservation down in that new restaurant she mentioned. She said you’d know which.” The driver explains and I nod, grateful for the interruption. The last thing I need now is to overwhelm Grayson with all the reasons why I wanted to be in New York.

“That’s fine. Take us there.” Glancing at Grayson, I swallow thickly. His eyes never left me. Though I could sense he wanted to ask me something more, something that would likely bring up the past, Grayson remains quiet for the next few minutes. Luckily the restaurant isn’t far.

“Wait up.” Grayson runs out, circling the car before opening the door, offering his hand.

Reluctant, I look up only to meet his gaze. He’s uneasy, just as I am. So, I place my hand in his and let him help me out.

Sitting, ordering, it all happened so quickly, clouded with awkward silence neither of us could break. But he does. After all, he was always the outgoing one, speaking his mind with no restrain.

“Why didn’t you come back?” The uncertainty in his voice grips me as does my guilt, my heart sinking. “I always thought you’d come back after you finished college and I…I really thought you’d come back to me.”

Rubbing my forehead, I break eye contact. He’s pulling on my heartstrings, each of them breaking as he insists on answers I can’t be sure of.

“I can’t go home. I can’t be there. I don’t feel sane in New Jersey. It’s too much.” I sigh, hating the tears rimming my eyes. “I always thought you’d come after me”, I chuckle with a slight shake of my head. “Every day, for years, I expected you to show up on my doorstep and tell me you never meant to let me go.”

“I’m here now.” Reaching out, Grayson places his hand upon mine and I tense up. I don’t know why.

“But you’ll be gone by tomorrow. You said you’d never leave New Jersey. You said that and I hoped you’d change your mind, but you didn’t.” Cocking my head to the right, I glance at his quivering bottom lip. “Did you?”

“No.” Grayson draws a deep breath before leaning back, taking his hand with him. “I didn’t. I didn’t even know you’d want me to after that night.”

“I can’t breathe here! Everywhere I look, I see them! How can you not understand that?!” My voice is raw from all the shouting, the argument seemingly never-ending.

“Why can’t you stay for me? Am I not important enough? You know my family is here! My twin, my mother and father! My whole damn family, it’s not my fault”, I interject, stopping his thought.

“That I don’t have a family anymore? Is that it? You’re really going that route?” I croak, shaking my head. Running my hands through my hair, I turn away from him.

“You know that’s now what I meant.” Grayson sighs loudly, annoyed. “You’re making me out to be a monster because you need a reason to leave and not look back, but I’m not going to make it easy on you. I won’t.” He steps closer, his presence undeniable. “I will not be a punching bag for you. I love you. I want to marry you some day. I want to have kids with you. But I don’t want to leave my life here. I don’t want to follow you across the country just for you to look at me the way you just did.” Exhaling, his hand rests on my shoulder and I step away, needing my space.

“I’m not pushing you away.” I turn back, wrapping my arms around me. I feel cold, not on the outside but the inside of my body. I’m freezing and I’m burning, just the air here is toxic and I can’t live here. I can’t spend my whole life constantly being reminded of the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I stay, I’ll be trapped in misery.

“It sure as hell feels like it.” Grayson spat and I understand. I understand he doesn’t know how to handle this, because we never had to deal with this before. It’s new and strange and scary and it changed me in ways we can’t still fully smooth over.

“I’m not pushing you away, I’m holding on for dear life!” I choke up, shaking my head as I struggle to inhale. The pressure in my chest is crushing my heart and lungs and I can’t breathe, I can’t think. It’s too much. “I’m asking you to come with me. I’m begging you to, but you won’t.” Wiping my tears I step away from him once again as I notice him reach for me. “You’re giving up on us. You. Not me.”

I walked away that night, left New Jersey the next day as planned.

“Of course I wanted you.” A small smile appears on my lips as I notice his eyes are swimming in unshed tears as well. “I’ve always wanted you.” I add, letting out a heavy sigh. “But I couldn’t stay there. It would have killed me.”

“I could have helped you. I could have been there for you.” Grayson insists, his tone sharp and yet it’s laced with regret.

Does he wish he went with me?

“No one could have helped me back then. The only cure was to leave and I did it to protect my sanity.”

“I could have tried.” Slamming his fist on the table, Grayson stood abruptly, walking toward the exit.

Putting a hundred on the table, I rush after him, my purse in hand. “Wait!” I shout after him, catching him on the street as he tried to hail a cab. “Grayson.” I breathe out, taking his hand in mine.

“Go back to your perfect life, Y/N.” He remarks, hurt written in every line of his tearstained face. He’s crying. Is that why he left?

“It’s not perfect,” I croak. “Not nearly as perfect as it could have been.”  

Cupping my left cheek, Grayson’s thumb runs from the corner of my lips to my cheek and back, drawing a gentle smile on my behalf. Leaning down, his forehead rests upon mine, his nose brushing against the tip of mine. His warm breath is tickling my skin, my lips parting and eyes closing in anticipation of his.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” He whispers and I open my eyes. His brown hues are closed, his lips are quivering. Tears are still running down his cheeks.

Letting go of his hand, I cup his face too, breathing heavily. “So kiss me.”

He licks his lips, hesitantly brushing my cold ones. We have feelings that are not visible, we do things to prevent ourselves from being miserable. Being honest is all we have left. Our need to have a taste of the comfort the other one offers is undeniable.

Grayson is the first to end the wait. He kissed me and the world fell away. It’s slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rests below my ear, his thumb caressing my left cheek as our breaths mingle. Running my fingers down his back, I pull him closer until there is no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.

It’s perfect. It’s mind-blowing and sensual, forming worlds where we weren’t torn apart six years ago, where we could have made it. There’s no tears in those worlds, no aching desire and longing for one last look.

I never want it to end. But it does. It has to. Everything ends eventually. For us, the end began with a phone ringing.

“Fuck.” He grunts under his breath, looking at me with newfound uncertainty as he picks up his phone, taking a few steps away for privacy.

Wordless, I stand to the side, breathless even now. All I thought I lost before is right before me and it feels like a dream. I’ve been in pieces and with a single kiss, Grayson made me feel whole.

“I, uh, I’m so sorry.” Grayson mumbles, typing something on his phone. “I really have to go. It was really great seeing you again.” He manages a smile as he hails a cab, successfully so.

“Oh.” It’s all I can say, feeling dejected by the sudden change in atmosphere. A part of me expected for him to come home with me, for us to take tomorrow off and stay in bed, talking and making love. I wanted more time. Is it wrong I hoped we’d get back together too?

“I’ll tell Ethan you said hi.” He adds before pecking my cheek. In a moment, he was gone once more.

I couldn’t sleep that night. The moments we spent together kept replaying in my head over and over again and I tried to figure out where I went wrong. Did I do something to make him leave?

Dragging myself out of bed, I arrive at work looking like a hot mess.

“You look like a hot mess.” Lily reminds me and I groan, ignoring her as I enter my office.

“Oh, good morning.” Troy’s chipper tone makes me flinch and I stop, wide-eyed as I realize he’s standing in my office, a cup of coffee in hand and a dazzling smile to go with it.

“I didn’t realize we have a meeting.” I admit, looking around to make sure I didn’t walk into someone else’s office.

“We don’t, but I like to be proactive. I’ve made the initial sketches and left them on your desk.” With a smile as bright as the sun, he passes by me only to stop right next to me. “You look beautiful.”

Glancing his way, all I catch is his back as he leaves me alone in the room. Just me, the coffee he bought me, a stack of papers and…a bouquet?

Wild flowers bring some color to my rather old-fashioned office, breathing some life into the room. I smile, stepping closer only to find a single rose in the center of the bouquet as well as a note. It’s typed, not handwritten and there’s no signature.

“Lily?” I call out for her while opening the note with a hint of a smile adorning my lips.

She appreciated the beauty of a rose, the symbolism. But she never liked roses. No. Her love was always reserved for lilacs, violets and other wild flowers that painted the very essence of her soul.

“Yes?” Lily enters and I turn to her with a wide smile.

“Who sent this?” Was it Grayson? Did he want to tell me something? The words are so beautiful, and just right. I’ve never liked to receive roses, but wild flowers made my heart go crazy. Who else could know this but him?

“I don’t know. I didn’t see them delivered.” Lily frowns, stepping closer. “Must have been delivered when I was in the bathroom or something.” She shrugs, still a little troubled.

“Oh.” I furrow my eyebrows, biting my lower lip.

“Why, what does the note say?” Lily narrows her eyes as I smile. “What’s that smile for?”

“Lily, book me a ticked.” I decide right then and there. My what if’s will no longer dictate my future. Whether these came from Grayson or not, I have to see him again. “I’m going home.”

*           ***               *              ***               *

A/N - If you’ve made it this far, let me know if you like it and want more. It’s an old draft I polished a little which is why it’s written in the reader’s POV, something I haven’t done in quite some time.

[particularemu]

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 1

Part: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 5046

Type: Angst

Warnings: violence, drugs, descriptions of anxiety, panic disorders, fucked up hospitals, a sassy Jinnie boi, and corruption.

Author’s Note: Without further ado, I present part 1 of Insanity. Please understand that I’m no doctor, and I have 0 medical knowledge, so if I make a mistake, shoot me a message and school me so I can fix it :3 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened as he stepped off the bus, hand tugging his suitcase behind him. There it was — Rosewood Psychiatric Institution — the medical facility he was going to stay and work in for the next couple of years. Hyunjin would stay longer, but he had strict plans to start his own institution after getting some work experience. Judging by the beautiful landscape — it looked like he picked the right place. 

The land rolled smoothly under the thick, luscious grass, the picture-perfect landscape looking as if it was sculpted by the gods. There were several colorful plants and shrubs along the cobblestone path, leading Hyunjin directly to the gates. After being waved through by a couple of nice-looking guards, Hyunjin made his way over to the living quarters for the staff. Thank goodness the way was pointed by various golden signs, otherwise, he’d surely get lost in the big institution made up of several buildings. 

Hyunjin’s lips parted in surprise as several sprinklers turned on, watering the beautiful lawn for the first time that morning. Wow… they obviously had a passionate landscaper who thrives on taking care of all these plants. It must take the man (or woman) all day to water the plants, cut the grass, and pull each and every weed out of the landscape. 

The institution was incredible. Most mental health facilities he visited during his university years weren’t this large — or as aesthetically pleasing. The boy couldn’t help but gawk at the beautiful architecture. 

Hyunjin cursed as his watch beeped, signaling the start of his shift in the next hour. He opened the door to the living quarters, gasping at the luxurious decor coating the walls. This doctor must make loads of money off this place to be able to afford decor this nice. It was nice to know that Dr. Douglas took care of the staff. Hyunjin quickly made his way over to room 108, grateful that he wouldn’t have to drag his suitcase up 3 flights of stairs. Hyunjin tucked his suitcase under the bed, brows creasing when he saw the pure white uniform laying across his bed. 

Fuck, he hated white. Of course, he expected he’d have to wear the typical white coat, but usually, he was allowed to wear blue scrubs. Why the hell were they forcing the staff to wear some 1950s style uniform? Oh well. Hyunjin changed into the uniform. 

Dr. Douglas must be obsessed with the look of white — Hyunjin assumed because all the rooms were coated with white paint, decorated with white knick-knacks, and beds were made with white sheets and comforters. Hyunjin would have to find a poster or something to go on the wall, or he might have to check himself into the institution. 

Hyunjin rushed out the door, checking to make sure it locked before heading over to the main building. From what he could tell on his map, he would be working in the largest building. Hyunjin headed inside, eyes scanning the room for some sign of where he should go. 

“Hello, how can I help you, sir?” A kind woman dressed in some 1950s looking nurse uniform caught Hyunjin’s attention. 

What is with these old-fashioned uniforms? Maybe they were trying to keep things timeless for those who’ve been in the institution a while? Or perhaps Dr. Douglass just enjoyed vintage things. Either way, Hyunjin thought the uniform choice was odd. Throw some dirt, grime, and blood on them and the uniforms would look like they’re straight from a horror movie.  

“Hi, I’m Dr. Hyunjin. It’s my first day. I’m supposed to start today.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but gawk at how clean everything looked. All hospitals should be clean but this — this institution looked as though it was scrubbed top to bottom with bleach. There was no scuff mark, footprint, or speck of dust in sight. 

“Ah, Dr. Hyunjin welcome.” A kind-looking man on the other side stepped out. “Come on over.” 

Hyunjin squeezed through the door and shook the man’s hand. “Nice to met you Dr?” 

“Dr. Henry.” The man smiled at Hyunjin. “We’ve been understaffed for so long. I’m happy they finally have someone to take over the day shift for Miss ______.” Dr. Henry handed Hyunjin a medical chart packed full of your medical history.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened as he scanned the papers. Twenty-five sedations? In just over two months? “Umm, excuse me for asking, but why has she been sedated 25 times in the past couple of months?” 

“She is a feisty young thing. If she doesn’t get her way she starts hitting and screaming.” Dr. Henry laughed. “So we typically have to sedate her before she hurts one of the doctors or herself.” 

Hmm… That still doesn’t sound right. Hyunjin brushed it off until he spotted an obvious problem in your chart. “Hey, why is she getting a stimulant?” Hyunjin frowned. 

“What do you mean?” Dr. Henry leaned over Hyunjin’s shoulder to look at your chart. 

Hyunjin pointed to a spot. “It says right here that she’s dealing with intense anxiety, panic attacks, manic, nightmares, and I’m not sure why it says etcetera there, we should be listing all her symptoms.” Hyunjin paused and pointed to another section on her chart. “Then over here, it says she’s taking Adderall — a stimulant.” 

“The doctor prescribed it for her ADHD.” Dr. Henry smiled. 

Hyunjin pursed his lips. The chart claimed that she had no memory of her life before the institution — and there were no notes stating she was diagnosed with ADHD. “We might want to consider taking her off of it. Stimulants can increase panic episodes. If she’s still having intense panic attacks, why are we still giving her Adderall?” Hyunjin pulled a pen out of his breast pocket. “We should remove that from her list.” 

“Don’t do anything yet.” Dr. Henry pat Hyunjin’s shoulder. “The doctor has to approve any prescription changes.” 

Hyunjin cocked his head in confusion. They were all doctors… Why did they need to have medication changes approved? All doctors had the ability to prescribe and change prescriptions. Whatever… Maybe it’s just a safety precaution?

“You guys have her on a steroid too.” Hyunjin pointed at your list of medications once more “Betamethasone? What’s she taking that for?” 

“You know what? I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask the doctor about that.” Dr. Henry smiled. “I only started working with her recently, so I’m not aware of her entire medical history.” 

Okay, is this guy really a doctor? Hyunjin sighed in frustration as he scanned your chart. How could this man be taking care of you, and not even care about your previous medical history? Hyunjin couldn’t help but feel grateful that he was taking over your care. Maybe he could give you a fighting chance.

“Ergotamine? Does she get migraines?”

“I don’t know.” Dr. Henry sighed, crossing his arms in annoyance. 

“The reason I’m asking is Ergotamine contains caffeine. Adding prescriptions full of steroids, stimulants, and caffeine is only going to make her anxiety worse. No wonder she’s having such a hard time.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but glare at the man. 

“Like I said. Take it up with the doctor.” Dr. Henry snapped. “Why isn’t she getting a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor?” Hyunjin was baffled. SSRIs are typically given to patients who suffer from panic attacks. The medication prevents serotonin from being absorbed by the nerve cells in the brain. Stabilizing those serotonin levels reduces anxiety and panic. “She should be taking Prozac or Lexapro,” Hyunjin mumbled as he flipped through your chart. 

Dr. Henry scoffed. “She doesn’t need an SSRI. The doctor doesn’t like prescribing those unless the patient has gone through a successful therapy session.” 

What the fuck equals a successful therapy session? 

Hyunjin flipped through your chart, spotting the therapist’s notes over the past few sessions. Sure enough, panic attacks, anxiety episodes, refusal to cooperate, violence — you had it all. Hyunjin decided that he should sit through one of your therapy sessions to see what might be triggering your panic episodes.

“Okay, then give her a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor?” Hyunijn sighed in frustration. “Those prevent the absorption of serotonin and norepinephrine. It’ll calm her down in stressful situations.” 

“I know what they do.” Dr. Henry slammed his hand on the counter.

“Okay, then why aren’t you giving her any?” Hyunjin raised his voice as well.

“There aren’t any that are approved by the drug administration jackass.” He scoffed. 

“Yes, there is dumbass.” Hyunjin sighed and slipped your medical chart in his bag. “Venlafaxine. If you don’t have any in this hospital you need to get some.” 

“We have it, but it’s an SSRI.” 

“No, it’s not.” Hyunjin raised his voice and pointed to one of the computers. “It’s an SNRI. Look it up.” He frowned, “Besides, there are so many other options out there for her. You could give her tricyclic antidepressants, monoamine oxidase inhibitors, or beta-blockers instead of letting her suffer.” Hyunjin spat.

“Take it up with the doctor.” The man yelled back in Hyunjin’s face. 

Hyunjin leaned forward, piercing eyes glaring at the other man as he crossed his arms. “Fine, I will.” 

“First, come meet your patient, then you could see if she’s worth the trouble.” Dr. Henry turned and walked down the hall. 

“What?” Hyunjin asked as he followed the man. Everyone is worth the trouble. Even if you were a psycho looking to attack everyone in that hospital, you were a human being. Besides, Hyunjin could imagine you weren’t being treated the best under Dr. Henry’s care — based on the way the asshole was treating him. 

“Here she is pretty boy.” Dr. Henry gestured in the room. 

Hyunjin’s heart broke at the sight. You were huddled in the corner, arms wrapped around yourself as if it was the only comfort you had in this mental institution. Your room was empty, save for a bed and a thin blanket that probably provided little to no warmth. Your arms were filled with scratches, from what he assumed to be your nails — but in this hospital, there was no telling. 

Hyunjin slowly stepped into the room, smiling at you as your big glassy eyes met his. “Hello there,” Hyunjin spoke in a low even voice, hoping to prevent scaring you further. “I’m Dr. Hyunjin, your new caretaker. I’m looking forward to helping you the best I can.”  

You quickly got up and stumbled towards the man, tears running down your cheeks as you frantically clawed at his chest. Hyunjin gasped and wrapped his arms around your waist to steady you, heart-shattering when you wrapped your arms around his neck and cried, “Please you have to help me. You have to get me out of here, please.” 

Dr. Henry grabbed your arm and practically threw you across the room. “No touching the doctors. Do you want another session in the lightning room?”

You grabbed the bedpost, body shaking as you cried, “No I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” 

“Hey!” Hyunjin yelled, pushing at Dr. Henry’s shoulders. “That wasn’t necessary, she’s just scared.” He darted to your side, resting his hand on your arm to try and soothe you. You flinched away from his touch, mumbling apologies here and there. “Shh, you did nothing wrong,” Hyunjin whispered. 

“What is the lightning room? Is that electroconvulsive therapy? Do you have the right permits to do that?” To say Hyunjin was concerned was an understatement. 

“Of course.” Dr. Henry scoffed. 

“Why are you using it as a punishment?” Hyunjin raised his brow. “Electroconvulsive therapy is quite beneficial if done right. Do you guys put the patients under with anesthesia?”

Dr. Henry crossed his arms over his chest, eyes filled with pure hatred as he looked at Hyunjin. “No, we mainly use it to get their act straight.” 

“So you’re inducing seizures on your patients to get them to stop rebelling?” Hyunjin scoffed. “Smart.” 

“Look smartass, I’m just doing my job. If you have a problem with it, take it up with the doctor.” Dr. Henry stormed off, leaving Hyunjin alone with you. 

Thank God he’s finally gone. 

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you.” Hyunjin reached his hand out to you, pausing a safe distance away so he wouldn’t frighten you. “When you feel comfortable, I’m right here.” He held his hand out to you, palm facing up, giving you full control over the situation. 

You turned to look at the beautiful man, noticing the way his eyes lit up when you made eye contact. He sure was gorgeous. Most caretakers wouldn’t have stayed this long, but Hyunjin stayed in front of you, hand out for you to touch when you were ready. You slowly lifted your shaky hand and gently pressed your fingers into his palm, making Hyunjin smile brightly.

“That’s it.” His voice sounded like heaven to your ears. You felt safe in his presence, even more so when he slowly closed his fingers around yours. God, it’s been months since you’ve felt such a comforting touch. “Will you let me check your vitals?”

You cocked your head to the side, confusion evident in your features as Hyunjin chuckled nervously. “Oh sorry, you might not remember. I’m going to check your pulse, your temperature, your respiration rate, and your blood pressure just to make sure everything’s okay. After all, you did get thrown to the ground and since we don’t know what triggers your panic episodes I want to make sure you aren’t experiencing any symptoms of anxiety or panic which could be increased heart rate, temperature and —” Hyunjin paused a second. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I do that a lot. I’ll just check your temperature.” Hyunjin pulled a thermometer out of his bag and placed it in your mouth, hand resting on your forehead for a second to make sure you didn’t feel abnormally warm. 

You found the gentle touch comforting as his hand shifted to rest on the pulse point on your throat. His beautiful lips moved as he counted, eyes fixed on his watch. You couldn’t help but notice the beauty mark underneath his eye. That’s not something you see every day — especially in here. It felt like everyone looked the same — well… from the few people, you’ve seen during your various attempts to escape this godforsaken place. You flinched when Hyunjin pulled out his stethoscope, which didn’t go unnoticed by the ebony-haired beauty. 

“You look like you’re breathing fine.” Hyunjin smiled softly as he shoved the stethoscope back into his bag. “Why don’t we skip that for now.” Hyunjin pulled the thermometer out of your mouth and smiled at the results. “Good. It’s normal.” 

You sighed in relief and pulled your sore body up off the floor, plopping on the bed so you could rest. Hyunjin stood up and scanned your knees, noticing the bruises already starting to form. He couldn’t just sit there and let these damn people hurt you like this. “I have a couple of things I need to talk to your doctor about. Will you be okay here?” Hyunjin smiled when you nodded. “Awesome. I won’t be long.” 

Hyunjin slowly closed the door behind him before rushing down the hallway to Doctor Douglas’s office. He was only here an hour and he feels like he’s starting all sorts of trouble. The hospital was filled with incompetent doctors — or so he assumed judging by the information in your chart. And then there was Dr. Henry… 

Hyunjin nearly opened the door to the doctor’s office when a woman stepped in front of him. “Doctor Douglas is busy now sir. Please come back later.” 

Of fucking course. “I’m so sorry miss.” Hyunjin smiled. “He called me down here, so I thought I’d come right away. It sounded urgent.” 

“Oh, I must be mistaken. Go right ahead.” The woman moved out of the way and sat back down at her desk, obnoxiously typing a response to an email. 

Wait, that actually worked?

Hyunjin quickly slipped into the office before she could see the victorious grin on his face. He frowned when he turned around, spotting Dr. Douglas sitting in his chair, playing a random game on his phone. Yeah, okay he was real busy. 

“Welcome Hyunjin!” Dr. Douglas beamed. “I was hoping you’d make it here okay. I trust the drive up wasn’t too bad?”

“Thank you, sir. The drive was fine.” Hyunjin shook Dr. Douglas’s hand. “Pardon me for intruding, but I have a few questions about my patient.” 

“I expected a few.” Dr. Douglas laughed. “Why don’t you introduce yourself first?” 

Hyunjin ignored Dr. Douglas’s request and pulled out your chart. “After. This is urgent. You have my patient on Adderall, Betamethasone, and Ergotamine, all three are known to have anxiety and panic episodes as a side effect.” Hyunjin paused, wracking his brain for information. “There was this case study a few years ago —” 

“Hyunjin please.” The doctor gestured for him to stop. “Why don’t we get to know each other first?” He chuckled. “I’m Dr. Douglas. I’m sure you know that I run this hospital, considering I was the one who hired you.” 

“Yes,” Hyunjin shook his hand. “But sir, we —” 

“Hyunjin.” 

Hyunjin sighed dramatically, feeling like a two-year-old ready to throw a tantrum. He felt like his childish nature was justified, considering no one in this damn hospital seemed to care about your condition. 

“I’m Dr. Hwang Hyunjin. I was top of my class at Southfield University and I dedicate my time helping my patients.” Hyunjin’s brows creased as he shoved your chart forward. “The one I have now needs help and I need you to approve some things so I can help her.” Hyunjin’s eyes hardened as the Doctor laughed, acting as if none of this was a problem. 

“Prestigious school Mr. Hwang.” Dr. Douglass sighed and looked at your chart. “What do you need approved?” 

“I want to take her off all the excess medication and put her on Prozac. I believe the mixture of Adderall, Betamethasone, and Ergotamine is making things worse for her. She’s already dealing with so much in an unfamiliar place — so let’s put her on Prozac and see if it helps.” 

“And what will Prozac do that Venlafaxine won’t?” Dr. Douglas’s eyes bore into Hyunjin’s, making the boy nervous. 

“E-excuse me?” Hyunjin stuttered. 

“She’s taking Venlafaxine.” 

“Umm, no she isn’t.” Hyunjin panned through her chart and pointed to your list of medications. “She’s getting these six medications, which is way too much for someone without existing health problems.” 

“She’s in a mental facility.” Dr. Douglas chuckled. “They are all to help her.” 

“Yeah? What does this one do?” Hyunjin pointed to a drug on the list. “Peroproxine?”  Hyunjin frowned. “I’ve heard of Proproxen, but that’s an anti-inflammatory drug.” 

“Peroproxine is an anti-anxiety medication.” Dr. Douglas stated as if it was common knowledge. 

Okay, what? Hyunjin couldn’t stop the obvious annoyance taking over his features. He spends a LOT of his free time researching new and existing medications out there. If there was a drug by the name of Peroproxine, he probably would have known about it. “Why haven’t I heard of it?” 

Dr. Douglas laughed. “You’re new in the business son.” Hearing the word ‘son’ come out of that man’s mouth pissed Hyunjin off.  “I’m not your son. Please just approve this so I can help her.” 

“I can’t do that.” Dr. Douglas sighed. “She’s improved drastically since she started taking those medications. I won’t set her back again. It’s just not humane.” He chuckled. 

“Sir, she’s been here six months, and it appears her mental stability has gotten worse. And, Dr. Henry is being violent with her. He threw her to the ground —” 

“Hyunjin enough!” The doctor slammed his hand on the desk, startling the boy. “Give her the medications on her list, or you’re fired.” 

Hyunjin paled — it was clear he crossed a line. 

“I will not have you slandering one of the most trustworthy doctors in this institution. Get back to work.” Dr. Douglas turned in his chair, cutting off the conversation. Hyunjin’s heart dropped as he left the office. 

Sure, he could always quit and work somewhere else that wasn’t fucked up, but he couldn’t leave you. Something told him that you shouldn’t be there — that something else was the problem. He sulked down the hallways until he felt someone grab his arm and pull him into one of the Janitor’s closets. 

The beautiful man flipped the light switch, allowing the dingy old light swinging above their heads to flicker on. So there was a dirty room in the institution. 

Hyunjin scanned the man in front of him, noticing the name tag on his chest that read ‘Minho.’ He could tell Minho worked at the hospital — unless he was a crazy patient who murdered his caretaker and stole the uniform. 

“Look, you’re a very beautiful man, but I have to get back to work,” Hyunjin muttered and tried to push past Minho. 

“What? No, you dumbass.” Minho paused a moment and smirked, wiggling his eyebrows before saying, “But thank you.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes and tried to push past Minho once more, only to be shoved back against the brooms and mops hung on the wall. Minho blocked the door with his arm. “I’m trying to help you keep your job because someone is looking to get fired.” 

Hyunjin sighed. “I don’t want to get fired, I just want to help my patient.” 

“I know.” Minho’s mood shifted — a melancholy look replacing his once emotionless expression. “Just listen for a second.” 

Hyunjin nodded and leaned back against the wall. “Ok fine, you have five minutes.” 

“First of all, I’m older than you so you can fuck off with that attitude.” Minho snapped. “Second of all, you need to stop asking questions.” Minho paused, trying to figure out how to word his next sentence. “Just keep your head down and do your job.” 

“How do you know I’m not older?” Hyunjin snickered. 

“Dude really?” Minho sighed. “You look fifteen. Out of all that I said, that’s what you decided to comment on?” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but chuckle at the older boy’s expression. “Look, I’d be happy to keep my head down if my patient wasn’t suffering.” 

“I know.” Minho paused. “But this hospital isn’t like the others. You have to keep your head down or you’ll be admitted.” 

“What?” Admitted to the hospital? That doesn’t make any sense…

A loud scream echoed through the hallway, frightening the two boys. “Fuck… That sounds like it’s coming from my patient’s room. Here take this, it’s her medication. Please tell her to take it.” Minho opened the door and rushed down the hall. 

Hyunjin stepped out of the closet and stared at the little plastic cup in his hands. From what he could tell, he had two options. One, he could give you the medicine, keep his job, and allow your mental health to deteriorate until you were clinically insane. Or two, he could simply dispose of the medication and see if you improve. His feet took him to your room, figuring it’d be best to give you the medicine for now and speak to Minho later. Perhaps the older boy could give him more information about you.

From what everyone has told him, you were a pain in the ass to deal with. Hyunjin just saw a girl who was confused and scared. He couldn’t imagine you being violent and deliberately trying to hurt someone. 

Hyunjin opened the door, smiling sadly when he saw you curled up underneath the thin blanket. “Hey, it’s time for your medicine.” 

“Don’t want it.” You mumbled into the blankets, turning your back to Hyunjin. 

“I don’t blame you...” Hyunjin trailed off.

You turned to look at him, eyes wide with surprise. Usually, the caretakers would hold you down and force the pills down your throat. They didn’t have any mercy at this hospital — they’d do whatever it takes to get you to take your pills.  

Hyunjin chuckled at your surprise and slid the pills into his bag. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” 

There was something about that smile of his that made you feel like you could trust him. Hyunjin wasn’t forcing you to take anything, he seemed genuinely concerned for your mental health, and he was treating you like a real human being. 

“Can I sit next to you?” His soft voice shook you out of your thoughts. 

“Yeah.” You sat up in bed, giving him space to sit beside you. 

Hyunjin stayed silent, trying to think of questions he could ask you. He needed to know more about your medication and how you feel after taking them, but he didn’t want to trigger any painful memories. “Do you feel anxious after you take the medication?”

You thought about it for a minute before nodding. “It comes out of nowhere. I’m usually fine until I have to take my medicine during the day.” 

Okay, so the medication is definitely giving you anxiety. Was it the mixture of Adderall, Betamethasone, and Ergotamine, or was it that new drug… Peroproxine?

“Are you feeling anxious right now?” Hyunjin asked in a low voice. 

You nodded before mumbling. “A little bit. I don’t know you very well.” 

“I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Would you like me to tell you a bit about myself?”

You nod, noticing the way Hyunjin smiled at your answer. 

“Well, I’m Dr. Hwang Hyunjin. I graduated at the top of my class from Southfield University.” He paused. “My father committed suicide when I was young, so I decided that I was going to study psychology so I could help people struggling with depression. Then I discovered that the medical side of psych would give me the ability to prescribe and help those at a medical level.” Hyunjin chuckled nervously. “You probably don’t want to know about all that though.” 

“No, I don’t mind.” You smiled. “I hear about how crazy I am day-in and day-out, so it’s refreshing to hear about someone else.” 

Hyunjin frowned. “Do they not give you time to socialize?”

You tucked your hands underneath your thighs, “Well, I get to talk to my therapist. The caretakers don’t like us to socialize with other patients. They said that we could get crazy ideas or something.” You frowned. “I don’t really remember.” 

“That’s not normally how things work.” Hyunjin pursed his lips. 

“Yeah?” You cocked your head to the side. “How do they normally work?”

“Typically you live in a room with a roommate — someone with a similar mental illness...” Hyunjin trailed off. “But you’d also have meals with the other patients and usually there’s a rec room where you guys can play games and chat.” 

You bounced on the bed, eyes filling with excitement as you grabbed Hyunjin’s arm. “We have the gardens!” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile at your excitement. “The gardens?” 

“The doctor likes pretty things, so he has a big garden in the back of the asylum filled with all sorts of flowers. He has some exotic ones in there that smell really good.” You smiled brightly. “I like to go see the pretty flowers, but we aren’t allowed without our caretakers. Dr. Henry would never go with me.” 

So Dr. Henry was your old caretaker... Why did that asshole lie about not knowing your information? He’ll have to look into that later. 

“I’ll take you to the gardens as often as you want. I love to look at flowers.” Hyunjin smiled. “Actually do you want to go now?”

You smiled sadly and shook your head. “I’m feeling tired. I want to sleep.” 

“That’s fair. You’ve had a big day so far.” Hyunjin smiled. “Can you answer one more question for me?”

You nodded, a smile tugging at your lips when you saw Hyunjin’s boyish grin. 

“Thank you. You’re such a big help.” Hyunjin rested his hand on yours. “Do you remember how you got here?” 

You closed your eyes, thinking about it for a moment. This was the question you’ve been asked every single day over the past six months. You never had an answer. Your brain only showed you flashes of a van and your cries for help, but the whole memory was foggy and unclear. 

Hyunjin paled when he felt your hand shake underneath his. “Hey, hey it’s okay.” He rubbed soothing circles on your back, smiling when you opened your eyes. 

“I’m so sorry I don’t remember.” You panicked, tears running down your face. “Please don’t tell them I’m not cooperating. I’m trying my hardest.” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunjin’s eyes widened when you crawled into his lap, head resting on his chest as you sobbed.  His heart completely shattered with every tear that ran down your face. 

He couldn’t imagine being in your position. Everyone at the hospital sucks, you weren’t allowed to talk to anyone, you were being given horrible medication, and to top it off, you had no one you could trust. Hyunjin felt honored that you trusted him enough to be this close to him on the first day.

“Your missing memories aren’t your fault.” Hyunjin ran his fingers through your hair, noticing the way you melted into his touch. “Some stressful experiences are so traumatic, the memories hide in the back of your brain like a shadow. So they can’t be consciously accessed. There are exercises and treatments we could do to retrieve those memories, but for now, I think it’s best that we get to know each other a bit more.” 

“I don’t feel safe here.” You sniffled and nuzzled into his chest. 

“You shouldn’t.” Hyunjin rubbed your arm, brows creasing as he tried to figure out his next move. 

The door slammed open— the loud noise startling the two of you as Minho ran into the room. 

“Hyunjin! There’s an emergency. I need your help.”

[who-ever-said-i-was-nice]

Hello there ~ Congrats on 100! 🎉💕 I'm so happy for you!! I was wondering if I could request a match up for Ikevamp. I'm fairly new to Tumblr and this is my first match up request so I'm a bit nervous since you are literally the first person I will have interacted with on here 😅 but I love your writing! If you are busy or have a lot of requests or anything please don't worry about it or overwork yourself! It's a lot of work and I totally understand!! Also edit, I'm really sorry in advance. This was way longer than I intended.

I am a bi female. I am an Aries but I am close to the cusp (April 18th). I don't typically associate myself with most Aries traits outwardly though since I am really shy and reserved, but internally I can see it as I am competitive with myself and a major perfectionist. But I'm low-key chaotic as can be like I'd identify myself as chaotic good since I'm just a mess with good intentions 😂 I am an INFP-T personality (which is scary accurate to me) if that helps any!

I am very short, only 5' tall and I am slim with overall small/petite features and frame. I have medium/dark, warmer toned brown eyes and auburn wavy/loose curly hair. I am very pale but have a lot of small freckles on my face and body. I've been told I look a lot younger than my age I think since I have a round face and am overall a small person. I'm very friendly and smile a ton but I am shy. I get big "eye smiles" whenever I smile and tend to blush a lot cause nerves. I've been told I tend to smile a lot and because I'm a shy, vv awkward person, my go to whenever I meet up with literally anyone is to smile out of nervous habit so people tend to think I'm overly friendly or approach me but in reality I'm a nervous boi.

I study landscape architecture and wildlife biology in college rn so I really love art and nature! I want to do habitat restoration after college. I especially am interested in plants and often go hiking and identify plants as well as do botanical drawings.

I am interested in both math and science as well as art. I enjoy watercolor painting as well and I am interested in illustrating children's books if landscape architecture doesn't pan out 😅

Besides that I have an obsession with extreme love for cats. I'm not ashamed to say my cat is my best friend, she is perfection 😂 I love anything living though thats not a person. Plant, animal, insect, they're all so wonderful to me and I tend to feel more comfortable around animals and nature than people.

My favorite color is a pale pink, I really love light, cutesy things. But my personal style is very retro academia. I wear a lot of clothes from the 60's and 70's or inspired by then. I really like fashion and fashion history.

My favorite food is spaghetti with just cheese. I may be an adult but oh well,, some plain ol spaghetti just hits the spot every time. I love baking and cooking though and have a sweet tooth. I used to decorate cakes in high school and I enjoy creating my own recipes and desserts.

I like to daydream, play video games, drink tea, sketch, read, and listen to music as well. I also spend a ton of time outdoors enjoying nature. I love trivial and fun facts. I want to gain as much knowledge as I can about the world.

I don't like things that are too loud I suppose. I'm a pretty easy going person but I am very nervous in crowds or places that are too loud. I'm also afraid of storms and I'm not fond of extremely dark places either. I don't like failing/faltering or embarrassing myself, especially in academics. I am extremely nervous talking to large groups or meeting new people as well, I prefer small, more personal interactions. While I enjoy talking to people it's just really hard so I don't usually unless they reach out to me first. I also hate conflict and drama (unless I'm not involved, then bring the popcorn). But any conflict is a big oof for me.

In a relationship, I really like surprise hugs and signs of affection. Sudden surprises create a sense of excitement which I really like to have. I like the idea of a relationship feeling new, passionate, and exciting, despite being together for awhile. I don't like gifts necessarily since I feel uncomfortable receiving things, I prefer sharing special memories. I'm not huge on PDA, I feel uncomfortable if someone is too clingy around others, especially my family or someone I know since my family is pretty conservative. But if we are alone, I love tons of affection and little acts of love. Hugs from behind, a small brush of our hands, holding pinkies, light kisses, and lots of smiles just make me melt, ugh tiny gestures are so cute. Communication is very important to me but not my strong suit, I tend to shy away from issues and trip over words I don't mean, but body language is very important and I think can be better for me and for my partner to understand.

I would like to be able to enjoy a comfortable silence with someone while we both read or do something while holding hands or just touching in some subtle way. I would love to be able to escape my perfectionist front that I have around others when I'm with my partner and be able to make really silly, dumb jokes and have lots of laughs. I love the idea of joking around while loosely holding each other. I present myself very seriously but I'm a big goof and rather dorky and like to have fun but romantic interactions.

Also it would be a plus if they love or at least tolerate kitty cuddles with me and my cat. My cat is such a baby, she's constantly in my lap or following me around so we are a package deal basically 😂

I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope it is enough for you as well!! Thank you so much for opening up match ups too! If you need anything else let me know! Take care of yourself and congrats!! 💕

It’s perfection don’t worry. Thank you so much for sending the request. I hope you are taking care of yourself too and everything is good.

Anyway I matched you with.....................

                                                            ............Isaac

HA BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!

oh you did?

ok I’ll stop

Isaac is a very curious person much like yourself

he loves discovering and learning new things

and that is the first thing Isaac noticed about you to be honest

sure he saw you and was like Damn she gorgeous but that was about it

however when he discovered that you are also a curious but little nervous bean he started opening up to  you

neither of  you like crowds and loud people who disrupt your concentration, so usually you spend your time in the library

sitting together in silence and reading

loves that your cute and blushy

even tho he’s exactly the same

as you got closer he started noticing more and more things about you

how your eyes would lit up when you passed certain plants in the garden

how you would hum to yourself and dance around thee kitchen a little when you thought nobody was looking

he loved everything about you from your adorably freckles to your reserved yet charming personality

it too him a long time to confess to you

a long time and a lot of pep talks from Leo

in the end he forgot everything Leo said and confessed to you in his own way

after that oh boy

you are the definition of inseparable

he’s new to this so you have to give him a little time to get used to it

after he’s comfortable he’s very affectionate

more in private but still

will give you surprised  hugs all the time

whether it’s that he walks up behind you and hugs you while turning apple red God if Isaac was here he’d kill me for that pun or him walking and scooping you up and plopping you in his lap in the library as you both get into some book

totally gets that you don’t like going to very crowded places

BOOM your wish is my command Isaac will almost always take you to fields of beautiful flowers so you can hang out, goof around, have a picnic and the stargaze

Isaac will pull you close or just hold your hand while explaining a few things about the constellation, after you will just enjoy the silence as you bask in each others company, while gazing up at the starry sky

he holds you pinky

finds it super cute and usually blushes harder than you even though he initiated it

holding your pinky is a personal thing for him

he finds it reassuring

you’ll just be walking and all of a sudden Isaac intertwines your pinkies

he’s anxiety on legs and holding your pinky is his way to tell you that in that moment he’s scared, anxious or just extremely nervous

you usually hug him and kiss his cheek

holding your pinky can also be that he loves you and hopes he’ll be with you forever

it depends on the situation, but he likes telling you he loves you like this

he has a surprisingly good sense of humour and likes to goof around with you

loves your cat

he wasn’t much on a cat person before, but your cat likes o play with Harry and he thinks that’s really cute

all in all you guys have a really good relationship

Ok now i have to pour some water on my head

CUTENESS OVER LOAD

Lia .exe has stopped working

That’s it! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you are well! Once again thank you @uwu-catlin for the request and the compliment. Love you 3000!

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter XXXIV: Uprooted

I

As soon as they arrived, I knew something was up. I just didn’t know what. There was also the gut feeling that it had nothing to do with the ones I stayed with. Although that bit, I didn’t have an explanation for.

I went around back and took cover behind Juniper’s workshop. Once the opportunity presented itself and I knew the armed foes weren’t looking my way, I dove into the tall grass, using its thick growth as a cover. Soon, I drew close to the first one; he looked around, off to the side, and seeing it as the perfect opportunity, I leapt forward and flung myself at him. He took a step back, taken by surprise, and tried to fight back, but I tore off his helmet and plunged my knife into his forehead, then kicked myself off of him and landed back on the ground. He let out a scream, and I was sent into a panic as the others were alerted.

No, scratch that. I used the commotion to my advantage.

As they drew near, I grabbed the first fallen foe’s weapon and ducked down. Through the thickets, I caught a glimpse of one of them. I sniped at their leg, and another scream emitted. The other fired a barrage of shells, but I had already swerved around and used the back of the machine gun I held onto and rammed it in the back of the guy’s head. The one next to him was right beside me, alert and ready to shoot. That should have been the end of me.

Instead, I shot into the side of his stomach and knocked him down as well. Soon after, there was only one other to deal with: whoever happened to be in that armored van.

“Looks like you got her. Good job,” a voice over static emitted. Oh joy.

His mood soon changed to fright as I opened the passenger side door.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” I delivered the message, then threw the helmet down on the floor of the vehicle. “Which would you rather hear first?” “Um, bad news?” He squeaked, then slithered against the door of the car. He was some scrawny looking man, dirty blonde, messy. Beat up T-shirt. Braces. Yes, braces. Despite that, he looked to be in his 30s or 40s.

“The bad news is that you didn’t ‘get her’,” I stated. “However, there’s plenty of good news: first off, I may have only killed one of them. The others are unconscious. Second, I may let you live if you work for me instead.”

“Excuse me?” He balked. “Do you know how much they’re –”

“I’ll pay you double,” I interrupted.

“Do you even have the money?!”

I shook my head.

“Not right now,” I looked outside, back toward the house. “Tell me, who was your target?”

Before he could answer, his phone rang. I gestured for him to hand it to me.

“Hey Weatherboy. Don’t mind me, I’m just checking in. You know, I hear the skies are going to clear up soon. I can’t wait to lay out on the beach with my tan and maybe a few crabs pinching me. But enough about me, how goes the hunt? Did you and the men I rented out to you kill Demetria?” He didn’t sound pleasant so much as he did snake-like. However, I was willing to be that his hiss was worse than any bite of his.

My name. So I was the target. But why? Not only that, how did they know my name?

“It’s done,” I replied in a low and monotone voice.

“Ooh? Is this who I think it is?” The delight in his voice grew. “You really are your money’s worth. Tell you what: how about you come to back to my headquarters and we can have a nice, friendly discussion?”

It could have been a trap. I didn’t care.

“See you there,” I replied, then hung up the phone and threw it back to ‘Weatherboy’ over there.

I glanced over to him. He didn’t seem at all threatening, but he could drive, so he could prove useful.

“How much is your boss paying you?” I asked.

“One-hundred thousand,” he answered.

I could use that money as well. Oh well, I wasn’t interested in money.

“Fine. I’ll make it two-hundred thousand.”

“How are you going to get that money?” He questioned. Doubtful as ever, I see.

“Simple: we’ll take it from your boss.”

“Simple?! We?!”

Once again, I looked over to the house. I never wanted any of what transpired to happen. There were many questions I would make sure were answered soon enough.

“Fine. But only because I need the money,” he changed his soon only a second later.

“Good. First, let’s get these bodies in the back of the van. I don’t want them littering my cousin’s home.”

We dragged them back. He complained, though, because of course he did.

“This was supposed to be one simple job,” he grumbled. “Just ‘one little girl’ they said.”

I ignored it. He was allowed to be in a sour mood. I couldn’t hold that against him.

As I dragged the last one back, Ves stormed out of the house, furious. What was said, I didn’t wish to recall. There were no words, and to see her in so much pain...it tore at me. But I didn’t dare show it. Seeing that only solidified my resolve.

Moving on, I sifted through Weatherboy’s glove compartment, pulled out a notepad as well as a fountain pen.

“Can your boss hear us?” I wrote down and showed him what I wrote. He raised an eyebrow, then looked at me.

“No, it’s not wired. If you thought it could have been, why would you even say all those things?”

Ugh. If there was one thing I hated, it was pointing out flaws in my thought process.

“Never mind that,” I dismissed him. “Tell me, Weatherboy, what’s your specialty?”

“Okay, first off, ‘Weatherboy’ is just a code name. If we’re going to work together, call me by my actual name, Wheaty. Second of all, I’m sort of a freelance hacker-slash-surveillance. I can control things remotely, tap into any computer. Not to toot my own horn.”

Wow. I hit the jackpot. OK. I can use this.

We soon rode off, into whatever hostile destination I would soon find myself in. I sat in the back, next to the bodies of the men who drove my cousin’s wife into such sorrow. None of them could wake up and grab me, as they had been heavily sedated.

Part of me was tempted to use the car ride as a means of falling asleep, as I sure knew I needed the rest. But I resisted, both because I needed to be alert so I could plan on my way there, and also because of the nightmares I’ve had recently. No, I didn’t want to get into what they were about. I was sick of flashbacks.

On the paper, I wrote down, then handed him the sheet of paper:

“What’s the layout of this place like?”

“You know, you don’t have to write everything down. I already told you my van’s not being tapped.”

Irritated, I wrote down:

“It’s easier this way.”

He sighed. Just as, if not more, annoyed than I was. Or maybe annoyed with the situation. It could have been both, and like I said, I couldn’t blame him for that.

“OK. So it’s solid white all around. Just a straight corridor. Two floors, one of them full of small rooms. I’m guessing the place used to be one of those private prisons until the boss bought it out and repurposed it. Those guys he sent? They were mere grunts. Who you’re going to meet inside will be much tougher. Can’t just be stabbed or beat over the side of the head. Next, there’s hidden turrets on the floor which will pop out when there’s an intruder. Boss might just want to lure you there, then spring the turrets out as some sort of example. Last, there’s walls which can shoot up from the floor as well. Those are there mainly to trap enemies in, or to protect themselves.”

Hostile architecture. What a load of junk. Figures. You get what you pay for.

“Next question,” I wrote down, “Why was I targeted and how did you find me?”

“Sorry, I don’t know the answer to the first one. I’m guessing these guys just get assignments and aren’t told the ‘why’, just the necessary details. As for how I found you, you were listed as ‘Demisexual’ but I was able to do a little digging. Found school records that matched your appearance. Then I tracked your phone and it brought me to that place. I thought you must have known you were targeted, so you retreated to some place remote.”

Wrong. If I had known, I never would have put Juniper and Ves in danger like that.

There were other thoughts, too, like if they know all this information about me, what’s to stop them from putting other members of my family in danger?

Such a thought was sickening, and I still didn’t know the details, but I cursed myself for being so careless.

I couldn’t dwell on such things. It wasn’t the time. What mattered more was making sure I was as prepared as I could be for whatever was about to come.

“I know you said this van isn’t being monitored, but do you have any means of communication once I’m inside?” I wrote down and showed him the paper.

He hummed and mulled it over, then came to an answer.

“That’s going to be tricky. It’s got sensors, not to mention that any unauthorized radio signals are blocked. But...I’ve got a solution,” he then reached back and handed me a pair of contact lenses. I was confused, but took them anyway. Hell, I probably needed them given that my glasses were left at my cousin’s house.

“Yeah, yeah. I know most communication devices are ear pieces, but those would be too obvious. With this, I can track where you are from the inside, plus we can communicate. Not only that, but it emits a low enough frequency that it should go undetected. However, it would still be tricky, as they’re likely to notice something’s up the second you tell me something. So you’d have to find the right opportunity.”

I smiled. Not that I was really in a good mood, but I just couldn’t help but marvel at how well things were lining up. At once, I put the contacts in (really, I didn’t know how I managed such a feat with those guys in the fields, considering how weak my vision must have been) and thought it over.

That just means you’ll have to work fast, Weatherboy.

“We’ll use code words,” I wrote down, and listed my plan.

He then seemed hesitant.

“Are you sure about all of this?” He asked after a quite audible gulp.

I nodded. There was no question.

For the remainder of the ride, I was silent. There was nothing more than needed to be said. Any more to say than necessary would have just been a bother. Sure, there was the issue of my knife. If there was anything like metal detectors, that might have been a problem. But I couldn’t prepare for everything. I’d just have to do my best with the resources available.

“Well,” his voice oozed dread. He was even less confident now that when we were on the road, “we’re here.”

He announced just a few hours after we had departed. From that, I could infer that this headquarters wasn’t all that far from where my cousins lived. That was even more worrisome.

I jolted up. Against my better judgment, I must have dozed off near the end. Those guys who shared the space with me were still sound asleep. Good.

“So,” I yawned as I opened my mouth to speak. It sounded foreign. “I’m going in alone. See you in a bit.”

“Be careful,” he urged. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was genuine concern. How odd considering that not only did we just meet, but he also was tasked with taking my life not too long ago.

It really did look like it used to be a prison complex. It had its own barbed wire fence and gate, as well as a barren dirt field both in the front and back of it. To my surprise, I entered without any such greeting. I expected armed guards out front. I also expected to be escorted once inside. That didn’t come either.

How careless of them. Either they’re overconfident or just stupid. Either way, I shouldn’t complain.

Inside was pristine marble. Sterile, like a dentist’s office. But longer and more haunting in its uniform nature. Up above was the second floor, just as I had been told, along with many cell doors. Really, they couldn’t even be bothered to refurbish the cells and turn them into decent room spaces? How lame.

Further down the narrow corridor, I spotted him: a wide balding man in a tuxedo with a monocle and heavy grin. He looked like his name would have been Igor or something. He sure had a wicked smile. Seated at a desk in the back with a computer to his side, he had his hands folded. Beside him were several, not just two, three, or four, but well over a dozen armed men in heavy metal armor and helmets that didn’t seem so easily removable.

Real deal, huh? We’ll see.

I approached his desk, looked down at the man who seemed just like a caricature of a capitalist pig.

“Greetings, greetings,” he announced, jovial and repulsive.

He wants to act all friendly. Well, I’ll put on a show for him, then.

“Oh wow, what is this place?” I looked around and did my best to sound astonished.

“You like it?” He flashed me a grin. “It’s still a little under construction, as you can tell. Soon we hope to be one of the greatest organizations in the world. We’re known as Custodians United Notorious Technicians. We specialize in taking jobs requested to us by powerful individuals. Oftentimes we clean up the messes that others would regrettably make. Well, I say ‘we’, but I only hand out the contracts. Everyone else does the work,” he worked up an obnoxious laugh with tons of snorting.

Wow, what a –

“You know, you should really consider changing the name of your group. Just saying,” I pointed out.

“Why? Oh, never mind. We’re not here to argue semantics, are we?”

“No,” I smiled back, “I suppose we aren’t. I’d like to know instead why it is you sent people to kill me. As far as I’m concerned, I’m just your average girl in her mid-twenties and trying to find her place in the world. You know, typical coming of age story, except I’m already an adult. But hey, I’m totally aimless.”

He laughed his obnoxious laugh once again.

“Well, I don’t know about that ‘average’ part. We were certainly thinking so. You see, the man who ordered the hit on you said you’d be an easy job. However, he also seemed to want to kill you for quite petty reasons.”

“Excuse me? A man wanted to hit on me? Did you tell him I’m not interested.”

I heard a snicker from one of the armed men. How unprofessional. As high-spirited as the boss was, he ignored my comment.

“Our first attempt was supposed to be much more discrete. We sent someone to shoot a deadly poison dart at you, but apparently it was intercepted and the one we sent ended up being killed by someone else instead.”

That dinner date. So that’s what it was. I was the target.

He continued.

“Now, as you know, our goal was to kill you, but after taking care of some of my men, I’ve got a different offer for you: you can join us instead, and your sole mission will be to kill a certain individual. After that, you will be free to go on about your life.”

“Gee, mister, I don’t know about that one. I’m kind of a pacifist, you see,” maybe I should have considered his offer. But I was already set on my own mission.

“Quit playing dumb,” he scolded. Jeez, not so cheerful now.

I shrugged.

“All right. Who’s the target?”

“You mean you’ll accept?” He tilted his head.

“No. I just want to know who you have in mind.”

He twirled his sausage fingers and looked ever so delighted.

“You see, when we made that first attempt on you, a witness described who you were with, her mannerisms, and then our interest soon changed.”

“Hey,” I scolded right back, “who a lady goes out with is none of your business.”

“Oh, but it is. You see, we couldn’t believe it ourselves. Are you familiar with Rhea Flection? She used to be a member of the group which inspired ours, and she had quite the reputation. Her final mission ended in her death, or so it should have. It would appear that not only is she alive, but you know her. So while we admire all the work that she’s done...we want her out of the picture. She was part of an old era, and it’s time for a new generation to take up the business.”

Of course. It always comes back to Remora. I could never escape it.

“So, what do you say?” He leaned in and asked.

What do I say...what do I say…

Rather than dignify his question, I burst into laughter.

“Who?” I shot back.

“You know who. You were with her. It would seem you have some interest in her.”

I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“You mean Rhea Perlman? Danny DeVito’s wife? I don’t know why you brought her up, but I don’t like her as much as Danny DeVito. I get what you’re thinking: she’s a woman, so I should like her, right, just ‘cause she’s a woman? I mean, I do like women, and women are neat. They’re just so…women,” I was getting a little ahead of myself. That’s okay. That little distraction should have been enough to give Weatherboy all the time he needed. “But really, Danny DeVito’s my favorite. Like, oh my god. I’ve got the biggest celebrity crush on him. Have you seen that hunk of man? Everyone always thinks that Matilda was his best movie, but I’d argue Junior was his magnum opus. I mean, how do you top it? Such cinematic brilliance. But really, he’s just the type of actor who can make anything he stars in great, just by being in it.”

“What...what are you going on about?” He sat, baffled at my rant. Little did he know that ‘Danny DeVito’ was one of the code words.

“You’re really not making this easy for me,” Weatherboy complained.

“Oh, come on. It’s no secret that I’m known as Danny DeVito’s #1 fan. If you did a little more research about me, you would’ve known that. Hell, it’s probably on my profile you’ve got on me.”

With that, he gave a suspicious look and turned to his computer. Once he gave a good look, his eyes grew wide, then he turned to a look of pure rage.

“What’s going on? All of your information’s changed! It says your name is ‘Danielle DeVito’, your address is somewhere in New Jersey, and your age is 69.”

I had to stifle back another laugh. Out of all the things he could have changed my info to…

It doesn’t really matter, though. It’s less about what it says and more about what it no longer says.

“I don’t know how you did it, but I’ve got your information backed up.”

He scrolled on his computer and although I couldn’t see the screen, I didn’t have to. Soon he growled in frustration, and I knew whatever dirt he had on me was long gone.

“What the –”

“Tsk, tsk,” I sneered at him, “you should really protect your files better.”

It went without saying that ‘protect’ was another code word.

“Deploying the walls now,” I heard Wheaty’s little voice.

Walls shot up in front of the guards and blocked them in place. On the other side, another wall. Soon the space in front of me grew more narrow, and more important, it was just ‘the boss’ and I.

“What’s going on?!” He slammed a fist against his desk.

I leaned up to him, pulled out my knife, then jammed it into his palm. He let out a shriek.

“Guards!” He called. But they couldn’t do anything. They were trapped in. Considering how tough the walls were, I’d say he only had himself to blame.

“If you wanted to kill me, you could have. Hell, I probably deserve it. But you do not go after my family,” I leaned my face up to his, and breathed out a low, rumbling growl. Tears filled his face, along with snot, and his face contorted to a low hanging frown.

Just as swift, I pulled out my knife and blood trickled out from his palm. I sheathed the knife, then walked away.

“Holy shit!” Weatherboy, okay, Wheaty, exclaimed.

“Don’t act so surprised,” I dismissed his shock.

As I walked away, I noticed the portly leader of his failed organization get up and try to charge after me.

“Wheaty. Deploy a wall behind me,” I ordered. He did just as I commanded, and the wall shot up from the floor and I heard the pathetic excuse for a boss slide down. Next, I heard pointing. Along with the pounding of those many men, it really grew quite bothersome.

I can’t just leave here. This whole organization has to go. They don’t get any more chances at my life. They don’t get to threaten my family ever again. It simply cannot be allowed to exist.

My back to the wall, I gave the next order:

“Deploy turrets on the others. Now.”

Despite how immediate his response was for everything else, I sensed hesitance with this one.

“Are you sure about this?” He questioned, nervous.

“Yes. Just put a wall in front of the desk.”

“...OK…” His hesitance still showed through.

Soon I heard the turrets come up with their mechanical whirring. They fired without hesitation, an immediate hail of bullets and shells.

Their screams erupted, shot after bloody shot. Splats against the walls. Endless shrieks. Coupled with the intense drumming of the turrets, it bled through my ears and wouldn’t let me forget the sounds. It wouldn’t go away, and considering how tough their armor was, they wouldn’t go down so easily. But they were trapped, no way of escape. Even as their pounds against the walls begged for release. Sooner or later, they would be reduced to several bloody chunks. Just as that boss must have already been.

It all made me sick to my stomach.

I did this. I gave the order. All these soldiers, or assassins, or whatever they called themselves. They could have had family of their own. Children, friends, people who they cared for. And I took that away from them. There’s no room to regret it, though. They would have taken those things away from me, or anyone, with no hesitation. I couldn’t just let them live. But –

Any one of them could have been like Remora. Forced into it. If that’s the case, I just took away any hope they could have had of freedom. Worse? Even though I feel justified, I hate it. I hate that I so easily took away their lives while I’m standing back and waiting for it all to end. Yes, Remora did something similar with her own group, to ensure her survival. Took out the entirety of her old organization. She claimed she didn’t feel a thing, didn’t care. But I? I feel everything. Every scream. Every bullet. Every piece to hit the ground. I can see their faces, see their horror in my head, even if I can’t see how it actually is. I’m so close to it.

I lifted up the collar of my shirt underneath my hoodie and held it up to my mouth. I felt like I was about to throw up. That noise, their pain, their deaths, it wouldn’t go away. Air seemed to fill with smoke. Or maybe it did behind those walls, and I just imagined the smoke around me as well. It was suffocating. I grew dizzy, lightheaded, and it seemed like I was about to pass out as I slid down against the wall and dropped to the floor.

You know, maybe Remora didn’t care, but that must have been for the better. It’s worse to have the capacity to care and still commit terrible acts. No doubt. I was worse.

“Are you okay?!” Wheaty shouted into the receiver.

“Of course,” I winced as I lifted myself back up. My voice was harsh, but for whatever reason, he seemed worried. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Well, you’ll be glad to know it’s over now,” he let me know. Despite that, I still heard the rain of bullets. Then, I rubbed the sides of my head and a few seconds later, silence, save for a small sizzling sound.

“Good. You can put down the walls now.”

He did as I requested, and I retched upon seeing the damage I had done. That boss was a bloody mess, sprawled up on the floor. Those dozen or so guys to my left were also piled up on the floor. Their sight wasn’t so gruesome, as their armor obscured most of it, but chunks of their armor had broken off and red exposed flesh showed through.

I walked across, minded where I stepped, then went behind the former boss’ desk. There was a room I didn’t notice before, but I did now.

“Hey, do you know if this room’s locked?” I asked.

“It doesn’t appear so.”

I turned the knob. Sure enough, it opened up.

Inside was a large safe of money, all piled high against the walls. On top of that, however, was a stack of weapons and strange glowing minerals. Too bad none of those weapons were used on me. Maybe if they were, I’d have been long gone. If only.

“Come in. I’ve got the money,” I told him, “try not to mind the dead bodies.”

I sifted through the safe. Any other opportunist would have taken whatever money they could get their hands on. I never said I had my priorities straight.

Those minerals and weapons interested me, but I dare not take those, either. I had no idea what either of them were capable of or why they were kept in a safe. Still, I made note of it. While I had no intention of returning to this place, it might be useful to remember such things for the future.

It took a few minutes, but he showed up. When I saw him, he looked just as disgusted as I was. Couldn’t blame the guy. I noticed some serious eye baggage and he was slumped over. It must have taken a great deal of strength for him not to throw up then and there.

“What a mess,” he sounded exasperated.

“You’re telling me,” I replied, then handed him the cash. He took it, then looked up, dejected.

“Hey, take care,” he sounded glum, but I appreciated the sentiment.

“Thanks.”

“And by the way...no offense, but I hope we don’t ever meet again.”

“I don’t blame you,” I echoed the sentiment.

He waved, then walked off. Before he got far, I called for him:

“Hey! What about the contacts?”

He shrugged.

“Keep them. I’ll disconnect the signal later. I’m more worried about where I’m going to drop off these guys in the back of the van.”

Fine enough by me. He served his purpose. I’d get rid of the contacts myself sooner or later. Though the fact that my glasses were left at my cousin’s house was a concern. First, I had some unfinished business before leaving the place: I had to figure out who ordered the hit on me, then pay them a visit. To that end, I checked on the computer for any information I could find. Sure enough, I found what I was looking for and then some.

II

I’d have departed right away if not for what, or rather, who stood in my way: some robotic figure with silver steel armor and a thin helmet with red pointed earpieces on each side with a shape which reminded me of the head of a dragon. It had a red, see-through visor, but I couldn’t quite make out the face on the inside.

Whoever you are, I really don’t have time for this, so if you could just step aside, that would be great.

“What do you want? If it’s a fight, I’d advise against it, else you end up like those guys over there,” I pointed my thumb behind me.

“You’re welcome to try. But I already withstood those bullets,” came a deep and feminine voice which held a similar dark timbre in her words as I now held.

“So what do you want, then? Are you here to kill me? Finish the job for your boss?” I threw my hands out. I really didn’t know why this person wouldn’t just move.

“I never worked for them. I just infiltrated their headquarters to gather information,” came her flat reply. I watched as she turned her attention toward the pile of corpses. “Though gruesome, they’re no concern to me. However, I will make sure to give them all a proper burial.”

How touching. Real touching.

“What information did you find?” I tapped my foot.

She looked around the building, then back at me.

“Did you know that this place has technology which can harm angels? Or, that’s one name for them, anyway. Now, why such a place would need such technology is a concern in itself.”

“Uh, excuse me? Angels?”

“You’re right; it doesn’t matter. This world has its own problems. It doesn’t need some otherworldly being wreaking havoc.”

Then why mention it at all?!

“I just found it interesting. That these people would try to recreate such a terrible organization. ‘Janitors’, they used to call them. Killers and stalkers and thieves. If nothing else, I must commend you for making it so they could not develop further.”

“Uh...you’re welcome?”

“Back there, you knew who Rhea was, didn’t you?” She asked at last, her question made the hairs on my skin stand on end.

“You’re right,” I admitted. “I know who he was referring to. But she died. So tough luck.”

“I see. Of course.”

Gee, this is Cronus all over again...shit. I never wanted to think about that. That place or that sicko.

“What about the name ‘Remora’?” Her question changed to one I recognized. My heart sank, and it felt I had stared into the eyes of Medusa herself as I stood in place, like a stone.

“That drew out a reaction,” she noted. “I take it you do know her.”

Fuck. Now I got my own body betraying me. Bad body.

Thinking fast, I scoffed.

“No,” I deflected. “I was just surprised. Like, who the hell would ask me if I knew the name of a fish? I’m not even interested in fish, so you’re lucky I even recognized that name at all!”

“Actually, that’s the name of a person,” she corrected. As if I even had to guess.

“That’s a ridiculous name for a person,” I shot back. “Who names their kid that? Rather, if nobody named them that, then why would they name themselves that?”

“You can come up with whatever excuse you want, but I could tell by your reactions alone that you know who I’m talking about. Now tell me where she is,” she demanded.

Look, Miss Power Ranger, even if your assessment is correct, I really have no clue where she could be.

“Why do you want to know, anyway?” I grimaced. It felt like I was giving up the game, but what else could I do?

“Because she killed my father. She needs to pay her due,” she stated. So direct, too.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I probably killed plenty of fathers just now. Not that I know, but just a guess.”

“Yet none of them were mine.”

Well, she was focused, at least. Had to give her credit there.

“So? You think you have the moral high ground? You think as long as you get revenge on one person, that no one else matters? Satisfy your desires, everyone else be damned?” Anger rose in me. But not about the subject of revenge, no. I was pissed that out of all the people she wanted to kill, it wasn’t me.

“What’s your point?” She accused.

“Hey Inigo Montoya! If you had any sense, you’d kill me!” I clenched my fists and shouted. “Why wait for someone who doesn’t matter when I’m right here!”

“If it’s retribution you see, you will get what is owed to you in due time. I have no need to intervene.”

There was nothing I could have said to provoke her and worse yet, she got what she wanted out of me: confirmation that Remora was someone I knew.

Frantic, I looked around and noticed a large rock. Or rather, it was loose debris from the floor. I grabbed it and threw it at her. She didn’t so much as flinch.

“If you want to know where Remora is, you’ll have to go through me!” I shouted once again.

“Why are you defending her? She’s a murderer,” through her confusion, I sensed the slightest bit of irritation in her. Yet that raised a good question: why was I defending her? She was no longer in my life and neither of us cared about the other. So it shouldn’t have mattered.

I took a step back.

“I-I’m not,” I struggled to get out the words. “I’m just not feeling very cooperative!”

I grabbed another chunk of debris and threw it her way, and that time she deflected it and tossed it aside like it was nothing.

“Enough!” She shouted. “Tell me where I can find her and quit with this nonsense!”

Ha. Finally I got a rise in her. Sorry, Miss Sentai, but nonsense was what I was good at.

“Or else what? You’ll kill me?”

“No. I have no interest in doing so.”

“That’s too bad, because I’m not going to tell you anything otherwise.”

Behind me was a gun which belonged to one of the corpses. If the turrets didn’t do the trick against her like she suggested, then I doubted such a weapon would either. But that wasn’t what I was hoping for. I just wanted to piss her off.

I grabbed it and I had to use both hands due to its heaviness. It was a miracle I could even pick it up at all, but I attributed it to the adrenaline in me. As soon as I picked it up, I opened fire.

Of course, it all bounced off, but it served its purpose, and she took a step forward, then ran after me.

Good, I thought, let the chase commence.

It didn’t go how I expected it to, however. Flame emitted from the soles of her metallic shoes and she propelled herself forward.

Rocket shoes? Seriously?! No fair.

I picked up the pace, threw the gun up to the second floor, and hurried up a ladder.

Maybe I could find an explosive, escape through a window, and leave her in the rubble. Wouldn’t that be grand?

Once up, I grabbed the gun and opened fire. It stopped her in her tracks, but not even a crack or a dent showed. Even as I unloaded more bullets, nothing. Once the thing was empty, I just threw it down. Maybe its weight could crack her visor at the very least. Do something.

Nope. Just like before with the debris, she swatted it away.

Come on! I have to do something!

On the wall, I found a fire extinguisher. I grabbed it and as soon as she landed at the second floor, I squeezed the nozzle down beneath her.

Maybe it obscured her vision, or stalled her, I wasn’t sure, but a great cloud formed and I saw it as an opportunity to charge forward and ram the extinguisher into that stupid helmet of hers.

To my surprise, two things happened:

1) First, I saw the silhouette of her helmet and cracks began to form in her visor.

2) She grabbed the extinguisher, crushed it in her hand, then tossed it aside. I’ll be honest, it was kinda hot.

After the smoke cleared, I saw the anger in her eyes, and her helmet came off to reveal a woman with short, auburn hair and dark brown eyes. Let me rephrase: her helmet didn’t ‘come off’ so much as it unfolded or something, back into her suit.

“What are you, Iron Lady? Don’t you know that billionaires can’t be superheroes? It’s an oxymoron!” I teased.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, but you’re really trying my patience,” she replied through grit teeth.

Heh. Now that your helmet’s down, you’re vulnerable.

I reached into my pocket and unsheathed my knife. In a desperate attempt at...something, I lunged at her, my aim was for somewhere on that pretty face of hers. Instead, she grabbed my arm and tightened her grip enough for me to drop my knife.

Jeez. Her suit’s not just for show. She really is that strong. When it came down to it, what did I have to show for myself? I could take down men almost twice my size, but Astro Woman over there? No chance.

She lifted me up until I had to look down just to see her face. She looked up, bared her teeth, and seethed with repulsion.

“I know this isn’t appropriate for the situation, but I just wanna say that I’m kinda turned on right now,” I informed her. I wasn’t being serious, and I doubt she was even my type, but I really just wanted to get on her nerves.

“Disgusting,” she replied, and I propelled my legs forward and tried to knock her down. However, she didn’t even budge.

“Pathetic. It seems without someone there to help you out, you’ve got nothing.”

“Yes, please, degrade me more,” I groaned, rather annoyed, myself, as I tried to struggle free from her grip. At least she helped me out with that, as she swung her arm back and sent me flying toward the nearest wall where my back slammed against it and I fell.

“At least I know she’s out there, somewhere. I can find her on my own. You weren’t even worth my time,” she spat down at me.

I watched as she walked away, and I tried to get myself up, but I was just too sore. Loathe as I was to admit, she was right: I wasn’t nearly as badass as I propped myself up to be. At least my family would be safe, that was what mattered. Remora, on the other hand? Fuck. She might have been right about that, too. Whether or not I should have, even if she didn’t need defending, I really wanted to keep her safe. I hated that part of myself, along with the part of myself that committed such atrocities, but I couldn’t shake either part of me.

It took a while, even a great deal of strength on my part, but I struggled back up, and limped on ahead. That delay really did put a damper on what I was looking forward to the most: dying.

She was a distraction, someone who I never accounted for, and because of that, I was late for my final confrontation. But soon, I would pay them a visit, and at last, I would find the release I so desperately craved.

III

For whatever reason, the one who ordered the hit on me was staying at a hotel just a few miles away. Maybe it was for the sake of convenience. Convenient for him, or convenient for me, I wasn’t sure which. It didn’t really matter, anyway.

It took a few more hours, no driver to take me and I refused to try to hotwire a car I knew I couldn’t even drive. Ha. Within just a few minutes of walking, I regretted not trying to hijack something. I was too sore. That fight took more out of me than I wanted it to. Maybe that was for the best, though. It would give me less of a fighting chance. Whoever it was who wanted me dead, I decided I would just give it to them. There was a good chance that whoever they were felt too weak to fight me, but it shouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t resist, right?

So I walked, all bruised and with a bloody lip, awaiting my end.

By the time I reached the hotel, it was daybreak. Few cars occupied the parking lot. White line dividers looked more animated. I imagined that the paint was fresh. In my delirious state, I tried to bend down and slide my finger across it. But I couldn’t even reach that far. That mysterious armored woman sure did a number on me.

I looked up at the tall, golden building. Despite its extravagance, it looked a little rundown and beat up. Just like me. Holy hell, I just couldn’t do humor anymore. I couldn’t even humor the idea of humor.

I pulled out my phone. It wasn’t very kind of me. I had months to deliberate and I didn’t send so much as a hello. There was no indication that I ever wanted a friend. That I even wished to reach out to one. Pathetic, I thought to myself, about myself, as I reached for that crumpled piece of paper and entered in the digits. Within a few seconds, I texted:

Me: Could you please come get me? No pressure if you’re busy or asleep or anything. Take your time. I’ll probably be dead by the time you get here, anyway.

Then I texted her the address and set the phone back in my pocket. Once I pushed open those glass doors, I knew there wasn’t any going back from it, and honestly? I didn’t want to. Rather than fear, I wanted to enter that room and get it over with. Let them end me.

I staggered up to the front desk, a kindly young woman stood there, big brown poofy hair. Her gold plated name tag read ‘Janis’. If that was one of the last memories I were to have before I departed, was it worth it? To have such a memory? I didn’t think so. That fuzzy carpeted lobby, its red and black diamond pattern. That was also not worth noting.

“Hello, how may I help you?” She smiled all wide and asked in some grating robotic voice. Weak, I answered:

“I’ve got someone expecting me in room 811,” I told her. Rather, I’m expecting them.

“Oh, of course. He told me he’d have a guest. Go right up, the door should be unlocked for you,” she gestured toward the elevator.

Well gee, if that’s not suspicious at all. Someone really was expecting me.

“Thank you,” I mustered out the words. Even if she was in on it, whatever ‘it’ was, I still tried to use my fucking manners.

Rather than use the elevator, even if the rest of me pleaded with me not to walk so much, I took the stairs. Yes, I wanted to get it over with. End it. But at the same time...I felt confident that I could take my time. My breaths were labored, and I just about collapsed a couple of times while on my way up, but that didn’t stop me.

Once I stood in front of room 811, I turned the handle and entered:

It was a darkened room, only a dim lamp to illuminate. It was also a cluttered room, with very little space to walk around in. Tall dressers and cabinets occupied the walls. Above it were tin figures of tigers and dragons and many miniature globes. I allowed the door behind me to close into place. When I stared ahead, I noticed a wooden desk and a puffed up black swivel chair with its back turned to me.

Only the second man behind a desk I’ve encountered in the past 24 hours. Lucky me.

“So you’ve arrived,” a gruff, gravelly voice spoke. Despite only meeting him once, long ago, I recognized his voice. It was different from how I remembered, but there was no mistake. Then, when he turned around, any room for doubt was erased:

Jerry Mander.

He wore a pinstripe suit with thin black and white stripes. Black, disheveled hair covered the top of his head, and a pronounced stubble worked its way upon his chin. In a strange way, he reminded me of Ray, only Jerry had no glasses. Neither did I. To think my final moment would come without my glasses on.

“I figured you would after the first attempt was foiled. I told them that you weren’t to be underestimated, but they didn’t listen. Oh, no,” any sort of humor or joy was devoid from him as well. Whatever happened to the two of us, we were like two peas in some broken pod. “They told me not to worry about it. That they were professionals. Ha. Like I wasn’t?”

So I had a name and face. But the motive was unclear.

“Let me guess: you entered their lair and took them all out?”

I didn’t answer. I just let him talk. That’s what he wanted, right?

“You don’t need to tell me the details, but I’m right, aren’t I?” He wheezed out a laugh. Again, devoid of anything resembling humor. “Just my fucking luck. I mean, I knew it would happen, I just knew, but I paid good money, and look at what good it did me.”

Truth be told, I thought he was kind of goofy when I met him. But all of those details about him were fuzzy. He took a treasure from Sunny, tied her and I up, but I broke free. That’s it.

“Just so you know, there are two small laser cannons hanging from the ceiling. Any sudden movements, any attempt on my life, and they’ll fire.”

Good. Can I just step forward and get this over with?

“Now, answer me: do you have a gun hidden in your pocket that you planned to shoot me with?”

I shook my head.

“Good,” he then reached under the desk and pulled out a revolver. “However, I’ve got one. You won’t be taking it from me, either. It’s just you and I. Understood?”

I said nothing in response.

He fired his revolver and I felt a sharp pain hit through my left shoulder. It spread and I reached my right arm to cover the wound as blood soon leaked through both my sleeve and my palm. I tensed up and howled, doing my best not to shed any tears.

“ANSWER ME!” He roared.

“Y-Yes! Understood!” I cried out. Then, I hissed and seethed. I scowled and snarled at him with the intensity of a wolf whose paw had just been stepped on.

“Good. You’re going to answer me when I speak. You owe me that much after what you’ve taken from me. Do you know what I’m referring to?”

“No,” even in my pain, my delivery was low, if a little hoarse.

“Let me refresh your memory, then.”

I glanced down at the floor and noticed the blood that had dripped down.

“Look at me,” he ordered. I didn’t feel like a rebel, but I sure hated being ordered around. Still, given the position I was in, I did so.

“You see, I was a business man, and Sunny was a competitor of sorts. My men and I would try to get to ancient treasures before her, and she’d try to get to them before me. Sometimes, I’d capture her and gloat as I took the treasure for myself. At times when she’d get the treasure, I’d shoot at her, alongside my loyal followers. Sometimes when she was captured she’d break free and take the treasure back. It didn’t really matter much of the time who won, save for the fact that I still won sometimes and I was well respected among my employees. That’s how things were, and should have been until you showed up one day and shot my foot.”

So that’s what it was. Something I had long since forgotten, he’s held a grudge for.

“I didn’t know about all that,” I told him. It was the truth. I was naive, wanted to impress others, wanted to look badass. What else could I have said?

“Of course you didn’t. You probably thought you were playing hero. You didn’t know the relationship Sunny and I had, the history.”

“You can still have that,” I told him. For whatever reason, I didn’t know. He didn’t seem like he wanted a pep talk.

“Wrong!” He raised his voice to a shrill bark once again. “Do you know what happened after you shot me?”

“No.”

“Of course not. How could you? Well, let me tell you: I could hardly walk without limping. I had to use a cane. I was out of commission for months. Then, many of my employees resigned, having lost respect for me. The few that I had weren’t enough to cut it for the tasks I took on. Every little opportunity, every assignment brought with it a loss. Morale sunk with each passing day. It was like meeting you brought forth a bad luck that I could never scrub my hands clean of.”

“I didn’t know,” I repeated myself. That time, it sounded like a plea. Not for my life, but...something else that I couldn’t grasp.

“Shut up. You’re not telling me anything that I can’t already tell just by looking at you. Do you know the last assignment I had before hiring someone to kill you? No. Don’t answer me this time. You don’t, so let me tell you: I had a theory that Sunny had amassed some kind of army of short people to take me down. So I hired a strong kid who I thought couldn’t be beaten. My men and I then ventured into a cave in Switzerland for an ancient block of Swiss cheese. Do you know what – no,” he ground his teeth, then continued, “Sunny arrived, along with this kid that fought the one I hired. It was a joke, a total farce. We lost. More than that, it made me into a joke. It was humiliating.”

That must have been Tigershark. Even if I didn’t know the exact situation, there was no way Tigershark was to blame for any of this.

“It wasn’t the kid’s fault,” I told him.

“You’re right: it was yours. See, after I suffered that lost and the last of my henchmen had left me, I stewed in my mansion. Oh, poor me, right? I’ve got myself a fancy mansion. Wrong. That no longer mattered to me, as I couldn’t do much of the things I enjoyed. It was empty. No one wanted to hang around me. I was a total laughingstock. So I got to thinking: what was the root cause of all of this? Who was responsible? Because it wasn’t Sunny, and it wasn’t no damn kids. No. It was you.”

I didn’t argue. I didn’t even think I could.

“How funny, too. I was obsessed, and from that obsession, I was able to dig up some dirt on you: Demetria Root. ‘Demisexual’? Give me a break. I can tell just by looking at you that you’re a virgin.”

You’re not wrong, but that seriously has nothing to do with anything.

“I remember something you told me, back when you pointed that gun at me. How I told you that you shouldn’t risk it, that you didn’t even look like you knew how to fire one. Do you remember what you told me?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Something to the effect of, ‘I don’t value my life all that much. I’ve got less to lose.’ But as it turns out, you’ve got family. You’ve got people who are willing to protect you, judging by the fact that the person who tried to shoot a poison needle at you got killed. Plus, you’ve got people you’re willing to protect. But do you know how people like Sunny and I are able to do what we do? Because we don’t have family. That, or we keep that shit a secret. We don’t make ourselves traceable. Don’t you know why heroes have secret identities? It’s because of that.”

Of course. I was careless. Time and time again, and now it was time to pay the price.

“So the roles have reversed: I’ve got less to lose, as I’ve already lost most of what I had. I spent all my money just so I could get a chance at ending your life, and that too failed. Now here we are, you and I, and neither of us will leave this room until one of us dies. If it happens to be both of us, so be it.”

But if it happens to be you, Jerry? I began to think, but had to stop myself. I wanted to let him kill me. So I couldn’t bear the thought of him risking his own life, even if both of us died, that wouldn’t be good enough. I had to be the only one.

“You don’t have to do this,” I spoke up. “I know how it looks. You’ve got nothing left. You don’t know what to do with your life anymore. So even if things could be better later on, you couldn’t imagine what those things could be. So that’s what you choose: to go down doing what you know. At least it would be on your own terms, right? But you have no idea the impact it could have. I’m telling you this right now.”

“Are you begging for your life? Is that it?” He grunted.

Wrong. I’m begging for yours.

I went on.

“It may not seem like it. It may seem like you’ve been reduced to a joke. But after you die, people will talk about you, prop you up. Some will speak fond of you, some will wish they had killed you themselves. Some will wish for what could have been. What could have happened if you and them became friends. Some would be glad you were dead, or even joke about you, yes. But they would be talking. Stories would be passed around about you. People would be fascinated by you. ‘Oh, that Jerry Mander. What a legend. I wish I could have met him’, they’ll say.”

“Enough!” He snapped. His voice darkened to a near-demonic growl. “Do you know what my original name was? Ben Dover. But that name too was a joke, so I changed it to the much more dignified Jerry Mander. From that, I was infamous. I had an empire built up. Once, I learned that there was a man already named Jerry Mander who wrote a book criticizing capitalism. What a joke! I’m a capitalist. But you know what? I kept it. I loved the irony. However, all of that was a thing of the past. Long since gone. Once it was fun and Sunny and I laughed, two foes foiling the others’ schemes. But no more.”

“That’s the thing!” I argued. “You’re Sunny’s enemy, not mine!”

“No. You’re just a bad omen. A nightmare. Once you’re extinguished, my world will be less gray.”

“Fine. So I am. But Sunny is a sun! She’s bright! Just throw me out the window, get rid of me, go back to your old life!”

“Why do you care so much, anyway?” He accused.

You’re right. I don’t. I just want to care again. I’m sure I did, once. I’m just trying to remember what it felt like.

“I can’t talk you out of this, can I?” My voice darkened as well.

“No. You can’t,” he confirmed. Maybe if I was more powerful there could have been something else I could have said or done. Not a physical power, but...I didn’t know what. It might have just been that I was the wrong person.

Still, I stood in place and watched as he got up from his chair and pulled out a cutlass from a large pot next to his desk. I didn’t notice it before, it must have been obscured by the shadow. Or it could have just been convenient not to have noticed it.

“You deserve something more personal than just a shot to the head, or the heart. I’m going to tear you open. Watch you bleed out in pain. Watch you beg for your life, beg for mercy. But it won’t come.”

Fine. Then just do it already.

Sure enough, he leapt at me and slashed forward, and on instinct, I tried to jump back, but there was little room to move and the flesh on my stomach felt the sting of a long cut. It was shallow, or so I thought, as I just winced at first, but then a swell of blood spilled forth and I shifted from holding onto my shoulder to holding onto my stomach. Either way, I winced, and the pain was in multiple places.

“Good...hit…” I shook and raised my free hand up to give him a thumbs up.

“Even now? Even now you treat me like a joke?” His face was beet red.

You’ve got it all wrong. Damn it.

He lunged at me and I fell to the floor. By all accounts, I should have died. Those lasers should have detected my movement and hit me. He should have rammed that cutlass into my heart. None of what should have happened, happened.

No. No, no, no.

Instead, when I fell, I found myself, against my wishes, pulling out my knife to block the sword. I didn’t want to, I swear I didn’t want to. His sword got stuck in the wood floorboard, and the lasers? They hit his back. He fell on me, and to add insult to injury, the knife I pulled out to block his sword, something I didn’t even want to do? It had struck his heart.

I shut my eyes tight. Something welled up. Something that felt like tears. But no, they didn’t even come. I wasn’t even allowed that.

My shoulder’s bleeding out, my stomach’s cut open. I should think about that. Even if I make it down those stairs and out of the hotel, I’ll pass out, no, die from blood loss. Yeah. That’s right. Then I would be free, free from whoever it was I had become.

I shoved him off of me and pulled out the knife. No signs of life. No breaths. No last words. How terrible.

I left the room. Shambled, limped, whatever you wanted to call it, down those many flights of stairs. At any moment, I would collapse –

– Truth be told, I should have died long ago. Back when I was confronted by those gang of guys who wanted to assault me, maybe worse, I shouldn’t have been saved. Even if she wasn’t even thinking of saving me, Remora prevented what should have happened.

When I encountered Cronus and that strange creature at the mansion, either one of them should have taken me. Eaten me alive, devoured me. Ripped me apart. Whatever. It could have been said that I lost my sense of self there, but maybe I lost it long before that.

There were many other moments, but the fact was that I had lived through them all. None of them were deserved. Yes, I had a family. I wished them all to be safe and well. There were people who cared about me, but the bottom line was: I never deserved any of that. I wasn’t worth it.

Those were my thoughts, as were many others along the same lines, as I made my descent. Were any of them correct? Some may have even contradicted themselves. There wouldn’t be any last words coming out of me, nothing memorable. Just a bunch of jumbled up thoughts.

As luck would have it, I made my way down. Pain oozed, even if it was the last thing on my mind. Part of me didn’t want to die, wanted to keep going, but didn’t know what for.

Using the weight of my unharmed shoulder, I shoved my way out of the glass doors and stepped into the parking lot. Commotion, possible panic from the front desk agent, followed. It all came out as static. Once outside, I collapsed.

[softboywriting]

Welcome To The Pack | Mendes Triplets Series | Part Five

Summary: You’re a human who has moved in with the Mendes triplets as their newest housemate. You’ll have to learn to navigate life with werewolves, college classes, and your feelings for each guy. [fluff]

Word Count: 2k

|Masterlist In Bio|

It's early on a Sunday morning when Shawn invites you to go out with them. He says they go on a hike once a week, and you know they go out, but you're pretty sure their idea of a hike and yours is quite different. The four of you head out into the woods down the street from your house, they’re pretty thick and have a creek that runs through the trees. Its nice, even though it’s cold.

Once you get just inside the trees Shawn gives you his zip up jacket and they run off into the woods. You barely get a word out in protest before you’re surrounded by three huge wolves. It’s obviously the boys, but you have no idea which one is which, they all look incredibly similar.

The biggest one of the three bumps against you, pressing his side into your back. He noses under your hand and you pet his head. You would guess it's Shawn since he's the biggest of three as a human.

The one with slightly darker fur circles you, head down as he growls lowly. You watch him, eyes narrowed as he jumps away from your outstretched hand. It's Raul. The slight distrust and standoffishness is apparent.

Then there is the second biggest wolf, nearly identical to the biggest wolf, who is sitting patiently, waiting for you to approach. You think it must be Peter, since he is the only one left, but something about him isn't quite right. He nudges into your hand and you rub his ears. "I'm not sure which one is which."

Raul lets out a sharp bark and you turn to look at him.

"I am well aware which one you are, Raul." You say impatiently and he sits down, looking proud of himself. What a show off, even as a wolf.

The biggest wolf joins the other in front of you. They're so similar, right down to the fur color and markings, but one is clearly larger It must be Shawn, has to be. "Shawn?" You ask, pointing to the biggest one.

The big one lowers his head and whimpers. Obviously not.

"Peter? You're so big though. I thought for sure Shawn would be the biggest." The big one rolls over and you drop to your knees, rubbing his side. "You're such a big boy, how’d you get so big?"

Shawn nudges your back and you hold his head.

"Jealous baby." You laugh and Raul jumps on you, pushing you into Peter and Shawn. "Hey! Jerk, you're squishing me!"

Shawn tackles Raul and you lay down in the leaves watching the two wolves tangle a few feet away. Peter lays his head on your lap and you scratch it. They're just the same as wolves as they are as humans. Go figure.

____________________

Raul walks into your room late one night and looks around. You look up from your laptop. You've been slogging away on an English paper that you don't want to write. It’s the most boring thing on the planet and you would rather pull out your own hair one by one. "Can I help you?"

"I need you."

"Okay? For what?"

Raul crosses his arms. "School work."

"Like...tutoring or?"

"No. Just come with me."

You get up and set aside your laptop. Your English paper can wait until later, it's almost done anyway and you need a break. Raul leads you upstairs to his bedroom and you peek around the doorway into the forbidden territory. You’ve never dared set foot in any of the guys’ rooms without being invited. Though they always seem to invite themselves into your room. You suppose your sense of personal space and theirs is probably pretty different considering your upbringings and cultures. "Should I come in?"

"Yeah, door is open isn’t it?"

You walk in and his room smells like vanilla and sandalwood, soft but rich and heady. It’s so very much like Raul. Honestly you didn't know what to expect. A mess? Stinky boy smell? Everything painted black? What you get is none of those things. In fact, Raul's room is more like a mini art studio with a bed and a dresser in the corner. There is a huge canvas drop cloth on the floor and covering two walls. Somehow in the time you have lived with these guys, you never found out Raul painted.

"What are you doing?" You ask, walking around paint spots on the covered floor. "Why do you need me?"

"I need your picture."

"For what?"

"To paint." He says matter of factly as he grabs a camera off his bed. "I want to use the color of your eyes for something because it’s the perfect color and unless you want to stand here while I color match for who knows how long, I just want a photo."

You shake your head. "I think you're missing something here."

"What?"

"The fact that I had no idea you were an artist?" You laugh, gesturing to his work station. "How come you never said anything?"

Raul shrugs.  "It wasn't important? Besides...it's not like my major or something. I just take a few classes to help with my art skills for architecture."

“You’re majoring as an architect?”

“Yeah.” He lifts his camera and then lowers it, changing some sort of setting on it you assume.

You walk around and look at the canvases, some half finished, propped against the wall. “Art could be your major.”

“No.”

"Why not? These are good." You grab a canvas with pink roses on it, they’re very detailed and vibrant, almost like looking at a photograph. "I love this."

"Take it."

"But...you don't want it?"

Raul shrugs again. "It's just stupid flowers. Can I take your photo now?"

You tuck the painting up under your arm. "Fine. But only if you show me the finished product you need my eye color for."

"Okay, but only if you don't keep telling me how good my shit is."

"Fine."

Raul lifts the camera and moves in close for a good picture. He changes angles a few times and then pulls back. He looks at the screen and smiles a little bit. "Wow." He mutters under his breath.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. Thanks, you can go now I guess."

You roll your eyes. "Good talk," you say sarcastically and leave his room with your new painting in hand. You don't understand Raul. One minute he's a sweetheart, taking you to lunch, holding hands, and the next he acts tough and indifferent. He's hard to read, and even harder to unpack.

_____________________

Something has been bothering you since the night of Shawn’s hockey game. It’s not anything anyone has done per say but more of something that they haven’t done. Since you moved in, now almost three months ago, you’ve never seen any of the guys with a significant other. To your knowledge all three boys are in to girls, but you can’t be sure since you’ve never actually asked. Either way, you’ve never heard them talk about going on a date or talk about being with anyone. What really got you thinking about it was how Shawn turned down the three girls after his game in favor of going home for dinner. Why not go to a party, meet someone, get some action? It’s not a big deal, and it’s really none of your business, but you can’t help but think about it.

Peter stands at the stove, stirring some rice in a pot for dinner. It’s his turn to make it and he’s making baked chicken with rice and broccoli. Sounds pretty plain, but Peter makes it taste really good.

“Can I ask you something?” You say, taking a seat at the dining table at the edge of the kitchen.

“Sure?”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever.”

Peter lets out a little laugh. “No lead up, just bam, why are you single? Damn.” He turns off the stove and moves the pot of rice to a cool burner. “If you must know, I’m single because it’s hard for me to connect with someone.”

“But you’re so sweet and smart.”

“Thank you, but it’s not just that.” He takes a seat opposite you and leans his head on his chin. “We wolves tend to try to find people who are committed. We don’t like to play games when it comes to relationships. I also have to find someone who understands and accepts me as a werewolf, and that’s not always as easy as it may seem.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so...”

“You like me though right? We connect?”

Peter flushes, cheeks turning scarlet as he clears his throat. “Of course I like you. As a pack member and my friend. It’s not like...I don’t...not like...y’know. Unless you want that then-”

“Peter.” You start and he freezes, eyes panicked behind his glasses. “I meant as a friend and a pack mate.”

“Y-yes. I like you.”

“Okay, good.” You smile, warmth on your own cheeks. “You should probably check the chicken. The timer has been going off for a minute or so.”

“Shit!” Peter jumps up and you laugh as he scrambles to the oven with a pair of mitts over his hands. He saves the chicken and as soon as its out of the oven, Shawn and Raul appear to get dinner. You laugh to yourself as you watch the three guys argue over whether or not they can start dishing up food. It’s always something in this house.

_____________________

Shawn knocks on your open bedroom door and you look up from your phone. It’s after nine in the evening and you’re about to go to bed. It’s not like Shawn to be up much later than this either. He gets so exhausted from going to class and then hockey practice nearly every day, he just passes out when he gets home.

“What's up?” you ask, muting the tv.

“My tv is broken. Well, my remote is broken. I sort of stepped on it this morning in a hurry to leave.”

“Okay?”

Shawn looks over to your muted TV and then back to you. “Could I...watch my show in here?”

“Why not ask Raul or Peter? Or did they already turn you away?”

“Raul told me to shove it and Peter’s door is locked.” He sighs and hangs his head. “I can just catch it next week. I’ll pick up a remote tomorrow.”

“No, come in.” You pull back the corner of your bedspread and he wastes no time crawling into the bed next to you. You decide to take pity on him. You know what it’s like to miss your favorite show for a week and then not know what anyone is talking about on your social media. “What channel?”

“Thirty six. It’s grey’s anatomy. “

“Ah, gotcha.” You change the channel and Shawn scoots closer, propped against your bed head. “If I fall asleep don’t worry about waking me up okay?

“Mmmhmm.” Shawn grabs the remote and turns up the volume as the opening credits for the show starts to play. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, and you owe me.”

He leans over and kisses your temple. “You have my undying love and gratitude.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that get me? What’s the exchange rate on undying love and gratitude?”

“Whatever you want.”

“That seems like a loaded offer for something as simple as letting you watch a TV show.”

Shawn looks away from the tv and you raise your eyebrows. He lowers his voice, talking soft and sincerely. “I’d give you anything. You should know that.”

“Y-yeah. I’ll have to raincheck you on that.” You feel your stomach clench. That was way more loaded then the offer was. The way he’s looking at you...it’s insane. No. You cannot be feeling some kind of way for Shawn. You live together. Its...no. But what if? You bite your lip thinking about a scenario where you do become more than friends with Shawn. You’d let him do just about anything, and he- no. stop. You have to stop. No more.

———–

End Part Five

———-

Thank you for reading! Please reblog if you enjoyed this and reblog to support and encourage myself and fellow writers. Next part coming soon! - A

Custom header per part made by the incredible delicateshawn

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[royal-poetry]

And for the other

1, 7, 13, 15 18, 20, 25, 26, 30 (✍✍),34, 35 (✍✍), 36, 39, 45, 48, 50, 56

hi. finally finished this

1.What kind of magic would they have? If they already have magic, would they prefer another kind?

I know you mean superpower au 🙄✋🏻

G: Invisibility! She would honestly both love and hate that her power would be becoming invisible, but she’d use it for a lot of fun when she would get the chance.

L: Ability to create force fields! honestly I can see Lily doing really well with something a bit more protective than offensive? Although I could see them like not knowing they had it until something happens that forces her to use it and then it’s like. Hello. What the fuck?

7.What’s their least favorite kind of weather?

G: Gio does not enjoy when it gets too hot. Being a demon she can tolerate a lot of it but after a point she taps out and just sits in front of a fan. Especially if it’s dry heat

L: Storms. Heavy windy storms that bring cold weather and make her feel like there’s any possibility a hurricane might come.

13.What is their Hogwarts house?

G: Gryffindor

L: Ravenclaw. She would ask to be put in.

18.What’s their sleep schedule like?

G: Honestly, her sleep schedule is fairly normal. She’ll plan when she’s waking up and go to bed at a reasonable time to get enough sleep. Gio values her beauty sleep. Though on the weekends she might miss a few hours if it comes down to sleeping or going to a party or club with her friends.

L: Sporadic. To say the least. She has a hard time adjusting to the Devildom and she never really got her sleep schedule on track after that? Although even before she came it would be a toss up weather or not theyd go to sleep at a reasonable hour, or stay up studying or watching movies.

20.Do they like other people playing with/touching their hair?

G: She would probably say “Yes, always, please.” She loves it. It’s relaxing and feels nice and she loves the affection

L: ..Depends on who it is. If you’re not close and you try to touch their hair? You will get smacked. If you’re close and you try to touch her hair in an embarrassing situation? No thanks. But privately with those she trusts it’s one of her favorite things

25.Do they like being out in the rain?

G: YES. She has been known to literally just go lay in the rain and let it hit her. This sometimes concerns those around her but she just loves the feeling of it

L: Light rain is fine, but if it’s raining too hard they’ll probably take cover somewhere

26.How do they flirt?

G: Think of Tamaki from ouran. And Asmo. And combine them together. That’s kind of how she rolls. She’ll love calling you pet names, pulling you close if you don’t mind the touch, telling you sweet things, and will often just poke you away like it didn’t happen or laugh at the blush she caused

L: She’s not great at it. She doesn’t have much experience with it, so the best she can often do is things like small touches, staring loving at people, occasionally they’ll give things to the other as well. They really do their best but it's a little embarrassing sometimes.

30.What’s the quickest way to their heart?

G: Having fun with her!! Making her feel special!! She will fall so fast if you flirt back with her, and make her feel like you mean it. She's lived her life tucked away in Diavolo's shadow- just see her for who she is and she'll never want to leave you

L: Listen to them, let them talk about the things that interest her. You don’t even have to respond just let her talk. She's also a bit of a sucker for people who make her laugh.

34.Where would they be at a frat party?

G: Probably dancing with everyone. She would be having so much fun, especially if she gets to bring friends to have fun with.

L: She would try to have fun, she would. But she'd probably end up either on the outskirts, clinging close to a friend, or going to sit outside as to not disrupt the fun their friends are having.

35.What kind of drunk are they?

G: One would think she would get even More flirty and touchy, but getting drunk tones Gio down a little. She stays close to her friends and just wants to be near them, not shutting up about how much she loves them and likes having them all around.

L: Giggly. They will laugh at everything, and probably keeps one hand on someone they trust even if it's just holding the bottom of their shirt or jacket.

36.Have they had a first kiss? What was it like?

G: She's had some experience, meaningless kisses at parties just for fun.

L: No, she hasn’t. Throughout high school they weren’t really interested in relationships, and with college even if she got crushes she was always too nervous to peruse them and decided to just focus on studying. She felt sort of hopeless about it for a while.

39.Would they hide injuries?

G: Depends on who wants to know

about them. She’ll probably tell Diavolo or Barbatos, especially since she just assumes Barb will already know. Others aren’t typically allowed to see her injured.

L: With the influence of their parents. Lily isn’t really afraid to reach out if she’s hurt and needs help (physically, at least). She’ll typically just find someone close and ask them to help them out, but won’t make a big deal about it. Sometimes she won’t necessarily HIDE injuries but simply think it’s not big enough a deal to tell anyone. Rub some dirt on it mentality

45.Is there any one thing they would change about themselves?

G: If she’s honest with herself? She misses her red hair sometimes. She also wishes she wasn’t so afraid of her father, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

L: They sometimes wish they had magic too, to fit in with everyone else around them. She also feels like she could stand to be a little braver, or perhaps a bit less shy.

48.How would their friends tell them apart from a doppelganger?

G: Diavolo would know, I’m sure. He knows his sister well enough to pick up little things. Like, a doppelgänger probably wouldn’t know she teasingly calls him prince perfect, or mr. lord diavolo when she’s messing with him. If Dia isn’t around just watch for how un-intimidated she is around people like Lucifer.

L: Ask them question. Ask them about things they care about, and watch her light up as she explains her enthusiasm about things like costal ecosystems or sustainable architecture in cities. I promise, you’ll know it’s them.

50.What au do you put them in when their story gets a bit too dark?

G: picks up gio and places her into a host club. I simply think she’d have a lot of fun.

L: lily can get placed in dorky fluff aus w mammon. I wld like her to be happy with him I think

56.How would they fare in the zombie apocalypse?

G: Surprisingly well. She knows how to fight and she won’t be afraid to do what she has to to protect who she loves. She’s more of a fighter in the group

L: Panic. Would probably be a bit of a weaker link, feeling bad for the state of the zombies. Has to b picked up and carried away sometimes. They’ll get better about it as time goes on and become more helpful, and you can mostly count on her for any agricultural needs