#this is a problem for no one else but me. however. im allowed to be a bitter bitch every now and then

[gophergal]

Tumblr doesn't understand the meaning of canon, really and truly

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!

[slytherinboysvip]

Controlling Tom Riddle

Honestly idk what to classify this as, but it’s kinda like idk.. deranged? maybe not but I have more like this up my sleeve if it does well (TW: manipulation, unspoken gaslighting, extremely controlling, idk what else to add)

You loved Tom. You truly, truly did. But he tended to take the term "I just want to lock you up" a little too seriously.

I mean, it wasn’t much at first, barely even noticeable in fact. Simple things such as suggesting what you should wear, insisting the more modest options were much more flattering on you; “It brings out your eyes, doll.”

He would remind you of your favorite foods, and when to and when not to eat them.. “Not now, it’s far too late for late night snacks. However, I have something I think might suffice for you.”

Overtime the helpful things became him controlling everything you wore, no shirts were allowed to be low enough cut for anyone to see down- tall people included. You wanted to comfortably wear your uniform? Absolutely not. It had to be perfect, and to show just how much of a “good girl” you are for him, you get cute bows in your hair every morning; special spell from him.

His behavior didn’t bother you, how could it? Yes you couldn’t wear certain things, but everything you got in return was amazing. Nobody understands him the way you do, they don’t know him like you do. That’s what you’re constantly telling your friends. “You don’t know him like I do. He’s romantic.”

Romance? It really is funny how blurry the lines get between romance and control, dress up per se? Once again with the dressing you- believe me, he spoils your beyond belief. Though, most of it is “My eyes only.” Slowly your closet went from things you’ve gotten from friends, shirts you once loved, to everything Tom approved.

It didn’t matter though, because he still spoils you.

Being in class was an entirely different story. In the beginning you simply couldn’t speak to any other guys, you understood, not wanting him interacting with girls either it seemed fair. Until you couldn’t sit with any of them, problem being, its not like you can just chose where you sit everytime. That doesn’t matter to Tom though, “You seemed to betray me today hun.” Nice name, yet the tone anything but.

It was pretty sudden when Tom just happened to to become your seating partner in every single class, and yes, that somehow included ones he once hadn’t attended. But this was a good thing. You got to be with your boyfriend all day long, that’s so exciting. Watching your every move, telling you what you did wrong on your work “Can’t have a dumb girl, can I doll?”

It was sweet. He was being helpful, you always had help. Just don’t ask for too much, then that makes you stupid, idiotic, dense. That’s according to him though, and yes his words. “Honestly, I don’t know what you’d do without me, you’re just so mindless most of the time. It’s infuriating”

But no matter what it’s always okay because, “You know I never mean what I say, Love. I’ll take you out, even buy you something new”

You see, none of this happened quickly. It was like one moment you controlled your life, the next moment you didn’t. You lived in his dorm, once again don’t ask how, Tom Riddle has his ways. He chose your outfits the days no uniforms were needed, but of course only because “I just love picking out what my girl wears, you love it too, don’t you, hm?”

Now here you are, unable to speak to anyone really, no boys, no friends because well, they only attract unwanted male attention of course. It was crazy to think you’d leave your friends behind for a boy, not just your friends really more like your entire old life, but Tom wasn’t just any boy. No, he had full control over you and you both knew it. You loved it.

I know im saying idk a lot but idk how i feel about this 😭😭

once again i hope you all enjoy <33

[toning-seros]

selfless to self-care: reki's character development summarized into one track

i think one of the most underrated aspects of sk8 the infinity is its soundtrack. as a (totally sane and normal) fan of the anime, i've been listening and relistening to its soundtrack to the point where its become a little game of mine where i guess what track plays in a portion of an episode i'm rewatching.

anyhow, the choice of music that plays in sk8 also holds a deeper critical meaning besides it sounding cool. and i wanted to discuss about that today with my home sliced bread sliced no. 1 all-time favorite redheaded kin of all time: reki kyan. because upon rewatching episode 5, i recognized a certain track that played during one scene that also plays later on during one of the most iconic scenes nearing the end of the series, and i don't think enough people are talking about it.

early on in episode 5, reki drops hints that foreshadow his disregard for his own wellbeing (that later gets addressed post-beach episode), prioritizing langa's safety above everything else, even though it was him that was physically recovering and experienced trauma from ad*m. from his unserious attitude when he exited the ER, to him just flat-out saying that his own problems don't matter, he selflessly ignores his own problems to focus on others.

then in the middle of the episode, reki reveals that the reason he's so protective over langa is because his unnamed childhood friend got seriously injured from skateboarding--an event that traumatized both of them, to the point that his friend quit skateboarding, and presumably caused their close friendship to fall apart.

judging from reki's constant need to protect others, his lack of care towards himself, and most notably what he says here as he averts his gaze with a look of guilt on his face, it can be theorized that whatever happened to his friend that caused him to be hospitalized, he was atleast in some way involved in it. maybe he pushed his friend to do a really sketchy trick or something? (i hope this gets addressed in season 2 im begging) whatever it was, it dramatically changed reki's beliefs of himself and his self-worth that made him want to completely ignore his own problems in exchange of helping everyone around him. (until they inevitably build up and come crashing down on him [i.e episode 7])

but we already knew all of that. what i'm really here for is the music that plays in the background during the flashback scene. and the track that played, interestingly enough, was none of than…

change our lives

now, for the more seasoned viewers, you might have already recognized the name of the track as it also plays in a later episode. but if you haven't, then give it a quick listen and tell me if it sounds familiar to you…

that's right, it's the same track that plays in episode 10, when reki and langa finally began talking things out with each other after falling out, and they realize how much they meant to one another in a late night skate session that is the second gayest scene to ever come in a sports anime. however, since this is a reki-centered essay(?) and i'd already yapped enough, i'm only going to explain about how this scene meant for reki (forgive me, langa).

from manager oka (the goat) telling him he was special in his own ways and how it's okay to focus on his self-worth too, even if it feels like doing so would only drag him down even further, to when reki argued with tadashi about how skateboarding is about having fun and persevering through the rough patches because the hard times are what make one appreciate the progress it took for them to get where they are now, episode 10 was about Reki coming to terms with his own problems and allowing himself to address them, and learning how to move forward from them by firstly learning how to love and take care of himself.

so why is this relevant, you may ask? why compare two drastically different scenes from the series that seem to have no connection with each other?

well, it's because the track both scenes were used in serves as a symbol for reki's arc in the series. it highlights reki's character development from being unhealthily selfless, to realizing he needed to love and prioritize himself too in a way that comes full circle. even from the name of the track itself, "change our lives", it signifies how reki's life has been changed twice, both in a harmful way and in a positive way.

in episode 5, "change our lives" marks reki's shift in his mindset pre-series, putting others first and protecting them all the while disregarding his own well being, all because of the hospitalization of his friend that traumatized them both so bad that it caused his friend to quit skateboarding entirely, and leading him to question his own self-worth.

contrastingly, in episode 10, "change our lives" marks reki's realization that his wellbeing and health (mentally and physically) matter just as much as everyone else's, leading to him being more willing to appreciate himself. and he couldn't have done that without langa shower him with compliments that affirmed his self-worth.

two scenes, two people reki loved the most who changed his views of himself, all tied together with one track.

[irisinluv]

Mirror Yandere Brainrot

I’ve been thinking about a Yandere who can watch you through mirrors. And I don’t mean Erik from Phantom of the Opera. I mean paranormal level watching you through any surface that can hold a reflection. The shop window you catch a glimpse of your hair in, the sunglasses you use as a mirror to reapply your lipstick, the shower head that makes you giggle cuz it gives your face a fisheye effect. Whatever.

I picture the obvious- how they watch you frown and turn to look at your cellulite, practice how to stand to make your stomach appear the way you want, do a fake laugh to see if that chip in your tooth is noticeable…. All those stupid little things that we hyper focus on, that makes us upset, makes us hate our reflection, they of course, love. They wish they could take away all those insecurities. And they know exactly how they’d do it too.

But it’s not just the obvious self love arc for this mirror Yan. Oh no. Cuz, we don’t just have mirrors to reflect on how much we hate our bodies. You bet your ass your Yandere sees you recreating doctor pimple popper on your own face. Sees your shower karaoke, watches you burn your toast, stub your toe, roll down your windows and get into character as you scream sing Jesus take the wheel (bonus points if you’re not Christian btws- we’re allowed to jam to that too). They just love getting to watch all these mundane moments!

They do of course get frustrated that they can only watch you through the mirrors. But- haven’t you heard that you’re not supposed to sleep facing a mirror? That things from the other side can come out to get you? Mmmm….. yea so those 1980’s mirrored closet doors you have might be a biiiiiiit of a problem.

I think they’d just be able to access you in your dreams, at least as a start, but if they ever found a way to you for real….. whew. Whewwwww. Hello sailor! I mean mirror Yan surely can mirror your exact type. That’s. That’s kinda their whole thing isn’t it? Magic mirror shit.

Slight NSFW below cut

Once they’re out…. They would not fuck you against mirrors.

I know that’s where your brain may go at first. The typical “look at how I see you- you’re perfect!” Shit. But I’m sorry. If someone fucked me and I had to look at myself covered in sweat, hair sticking to my face, triple chins for days, stomach rolls rolling, cellulite dimpling….. IM NOT IN THE MOOD ANYMORE!

So nah. Mirror Yan won’t fuck you against a mirror. They WILL however, use their voice. They had gone unheard so long…. You had gone YEARS being unable to hear them, see them, feel them. So now that they have you in their arms, they’re going to make sure you hear, see, and feel them until there’s nothing else for you to focus on.

If we want to stick with the self love trope, an alternative to the mirror fucking thing, is them narrating what they see. Their voice is pure sin as they drive into you, sink down on you, or look up from between your thighs to describe the way your pupils look right now, all blown out. How you look like you’re praying when you cum, even though they’re the ones on their knees. They describe those things you hate about yourself too. But when they describe it, they sound reverential. They also sound horny as all hell. But most of all, they sound like the only thing keeping them alive is so they can keep seeing and feeling these parts of you.

And they make you watch them as they give you the most intense pleasure of your life. They may not make you stare into a mirror as they rail you…. But you WILL keep your eyes open so you can see exactly what you do to them. They CRAVE being seen by you. They have you play with yourself the way they’ve watched you do so many times…. Except now, your eyes are locked onto theirs as your eyebrows screw up, and it’s THEIR name you gasp out as your fingers fly. And they don’t have to just watch anymore either.

They also almost always want you facing them. They want you to look them in the eyes and know EXACTLY who is claiming you, body mind and soul. The only exception to the mirror fucking thing is if you/they want to hit it from the back. If you’re not looking in each others faces, you’re looking at each others reflection. If your eyes glass over, they’re smacking your ass to bring your attention back to them. You’re not missing a second of the absolute pleasure dripping from their face. They’re not shy about it either. Their eyebrows screwing up in ecstasy, mouth hanging loose in a perpetual moan, it’s lewd. It’s sloppy. And it’s all for you.

You see, they’re insecure over being glossed over- it was fantastic getting to watch you basically every minute of the day, but you have no idea how frustrating it is to scream out to your lover, cry and kick and wail, as you watch them breeze past a flat puddle on a sidewalk, none the wiser. So, they make sure you’re VERY present with them.

I also think they’d be a huge fan of cockwarming. Just being connected to each other as much as possible. Really needy behavior after being denied physical contact for so long. For my lovelies who cock warming doesn’t work for- you’re not off the hook. Mirror Yan will be wrapped around you just as much. Their fingers absentmindedly trailing your body, their fingers dipping into your mouth, inside you, over your hips….

OH and they love marking you. Hickeys, some sort of collar or necklace, hell, even a collarbone tattoo. They want you to look at your reflection, and see THEM. They may not be stuck on the other side of that reflection anymore, but they still get a thrill from knowing every time you look in a mirror…. It’s them you think of.

So uh. Yea. Even the mirrors are horny for y’all! Stay tuned, maybe I’ll come up with a Yandere spork or dildo next.

[luxfuxxvii]

things that help me write in case anybody else hasnt found their process and wants a little inspiration:

clean room = clean mind = brain empty = BAD = writers block. have the perfect amount of messy in your room, but an organized writing space. for me, i associate a clean room with a clear mind. empty room, empty mind. if i have a clear mind, im probably thinking thoughts my therapist would be proud of, im also probably thinking about wellness and cleanliness and happy things and spiritual wellness and hmmm maybe i should do yoga. well guess what? writing is messy. writing is having bad thoughts, bad ideas. writing is thinking "how can i hurt my character the most?" or "how can i comfort my character after being hurt?". in order to figure that out you have to let it be chaotic. but EVERYTHING has a spot, okay? for me, i have a pile dedicated to clothes, all tossed into a reusable bag, with a few shirts artfully spilling out onto the floor. but other than that, my floor is relatively clean. you want chaotic, not crowded.

have a spot dedicated to writing. im not talking "this is the only place im allowed to write", im talking a writing shrine. all of my writing stuff is on my nightstand, this way i can write in bed or on the floor, whichever i deem my designated writing space for the day. my notebooks in the same spot. my bluetooth keyboard is also there. i have a cup for pens and highlighters. i have pages ripped out of notebooks filled with tips for revising. passive vs active voice. varying sentence structure. i have an old notebook i used for my creative writing class that i can go to for finding poetic devices. i have a blank sketchpad that ive been using to make little charts or timelines. the books i need for reference are all in my little spot. also thats where my snacks go (offerings to the gods, aka the evil tarantula in my brain making webs of LIES ((bad, bad headcanons)))

have a special writing thing. basically the equivalent of lucky socks or lucky charms or literally whatever, except its for writing. i have a shirt i specifically wear when i plan on writing. its literally just a cream white button up. i dont NEED to wear it in order to write, but on days where i know i can write but am still struggling, putting it on really helps. i struggle to write in special outfits because most of the time, if im wearing a cute outfit, i am performing. well writing isnt a performance. i am a scatterbrained rat. so its usually pajama bottoms and my writing shirt. booya.

water. idfc. idfc. water. water. drink it. chug an entire 20 oz in one go unless you think youll get sick. if youre not gonna get sick, get to chugging. "i always forget" cool me too. adhd sucks man. but i have POTS, so i have to drink 120 oz of water a day. the thing is, i NEVER remember its there. everyones always taking sips at a time and then forgetting they even own a water bottle. solution? drink the entire thing in one go. do it coward. its the only way. if drinking water gives you a stomach ache, i promise you, thats because youre dehydrated. you will get used to it. im sorry it hurts. but the more water you drink, the more it starts to go away. the headaches stop. suddenly you actually start to crave food, and it doesnt even hurt to eat it?????? what???? yeah man. water helps pretty much everything. i might make a separate post to talk about this actually.

find your medium. paper? keyboard? you do both, but for different things? for me, i like to write in notebooks. idk, it just works. i discovered this in my creative writing class. she had us use notebooks and i discovered that writing by hand really gets me in the flow. writing with a keyboard makes me want it to be perfect, and overall, i really struggle to read things on a computer. however, i do like using keyboards because the words get typed faster. problem is, when im using a keyboard on a hard day, my brain cannot keep up with my fingers, and so i stop typing to think of a word, and then im out of the flow. writing it by hand takes longer and gives me ample time to come up with sentences. also the cursor isnt blinking at me menacingly. but also, if ur a paper person, ONLY EVER WRITE IN PEN!!!! ITS LITERALLY A GODSEND!!!!!

some days, you just need to write different things. what i mean by this is there are days when i can absorb information and give instructions, and then there are days when i can follow the instructions. i say "im going to take notes on how to use passive vs active voice", and thats what i wrote for the day. other days, i look back at my notes and i say, "yes im going to put this into practice", and then i DO. writing is writing man. learn as you go. no matter what, youre writing. some days its a notes day. some days its a letter to your best friend. some days its a poem. some days you actually sit down and write the fucking shit you wanted to write (finally). also remember that you dont need to write the same amount of words every time, too. i wrote 18 pages by hand all in one day. the next day? i barely wrote 3. the day after that, i didnt write at all. THAT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE.

find your system. no im not talking about this writing routine im informing you of right now, im talking do you plot or do you have vibes? are you a very weird, confusing, and inconvenient mix of both? lol. me too. you CAN plot. you CAN just have vibes. but which one actually gets you to start writing? figure out which one you are. think on it rq, cuz it leads to the next one.

timelines can suck it. for me, if i figure out a consecutive timeline, my motivation goes out the fucking door. this is because i FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE time crunches. EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT MY TIME CRUNCH????? ITS THE CHARACTERS?????? basically, for the first draft, i cannot have any concept of time in my story, otherwise i will feel trapped, like i HAVE to do it in the way i originally planned, and then I'll never write it. so how i solve this, is i get an idea. just one. one idea, for one scene. i write that idea down as a little summary (and i really mean little, guys) and add a couple notes to give it vague vibes (moonlight shining through branches, water droplets on skin, laughter, etc), and THEN i write that scene down from memory. this is because i primarily write based on vibes, even though in my head i know exactly how this scene is going to serve the plot, and where exactly this bad boy will fit in my plot. but i know i might change my mind later, so i dont write that down. i recommend doing this if you have adhd, because if youre only writing down ideas one right after the other, chances are, you are not elaborating on them enough for your future self to go back and fall in love with the little note you made. we are just too forgetful. so you write down one idea, add little notes on the vibes you want to incorporate in your idea, and then you go and write the scene. thats it. one at a time. if you come up with another idea as you go, write it at the top of the page where the title goes and pray to god it sticks in your brain when you find it again.

i hope this helps a little in a very adhd way? this is my process (its not really process, more like a rulebook). i hope it inspires you guys to find the things that work for you, or at least opens your mind to the more chaotic organization your brain might need. i know i really struggled with the advice that suggested i do things neurotypically???? like no thanks. nuh uh.

[echantedtoon]

Obsessed

(WARNINGS: Some toxic relationship stuff mentioned, death, possession with the mask, yandereish tendencies, possibly some innuendos, Dyo IS his own warning, implied past spicy times, technically the guy he's posessing is dead, blood mentioned, pregnancy, etc.

Inspired by @wolveria 's works and a random anon ask she had gotten.)

What was it that drew out the obsession in living things? 

Could it be a taste for something they never had before? A new sudden interest in something? A feeling of familiarity that they wanted to cling onto? Or was it just a sudden snap in the brain that screamed 'must have it'? She hadn't the foggiest clue. The very reason she was here was because she was fascinated with the thinking of the inhuman and call of the unnatural. Such was the reason that brought her here to this situation in the first place. 

She shouldn't have let it happen. GOD she shouldn't have let it happen! What was she thinking?! It was stupid. She knew better than to be lured in by sweetened words and let herself become entangled in something else that was only to be the downfall of her own self, safety, and sanity.

"Hey, Reid." The sounds of a voice snapped her back into the world from her stupor as she looked up from the papers standing still in her hands and towards the smiling face of a fellow female employee. "I heard you're about to go on maternity leave. We're gonna miss seeing you around the office."

Despite the feeling of dread pooling in her guts she managed to voice a steady tone and a smile despite her shaky hand. "Yeah. It's better for me since I don't need all the stress."

Luckily the fellow scientist nodded without any arguments. "I hear you. This place can give you enough stress to give you permanent anxiety. It's probably why they took you off the zero Three Five's case to avoid anything bad happening to you." With a small sigh she crossed her arms. "I don't know anyone who'd willingly just surveillance the thing."

The thing. The mask. 

The literal reason she was in this situation in the first place. The very thing she was avoiding at all costs. God why did she allow hik to sweet talk her into intimacy. She was lucky to have been able to avoid the place without much argument from the higher ups due to request. What request? Simple. A request to transfer to a less strainous job due to her pregnancy. 

The problem that had arisen because of the stupid thing.

It was a stupid mistake that shouldn't have happened. How was she supposed to know that it was possible for it to- ..God. if anyone found out then she'd be terminated immediately if she was lucky. Interrogated and then forced to be locked away until her child was taken away for them to do who knows what to them at worst. The only good thing to come from this is the fact that no one would have any suspicions to the baby's origins. After all how could they suspect it?

He was a mask.

A very dangerous mask, but one without a body and that's part of the reason why she couldn't believe the situation she was in. If it wasn't for the literal pregnancy attached to her then she probably would've written everything off as a bad fantasy. However it was impossible to write off cravings, constant morning sickness, and the literal swell of her abdomen as a figment of her imagination. 

"No. I guess not...Are you here for the transfer order for scp zero seven four?"

She nodded. "Yep. I need the orders to get started." At which she stepped forward and held out her hand. "Do you have them?"

With a nod she just held out a single piece of officially documented paper, signed by a higher up with their stamp of approval. "Here. Don't loose it. Im drowning in enough paperwork and insurance coverages as we speak."

With a smile on her face she received her part and departed. "Thanks, Reid. Oh. Congratulations on the baby by the way."

She simply held up a hand back with a smile on her face that dropped the moment the other woman left before she sighed, leaning back in the uncomfortable office chair. Hand coming to lay on the problem that was the unwanted passenger currently here for the ride. 

"You're going to be the death of me."

~~~~

Like the flashes of hellfire red lights flashed upon the freed and bloodthirsty creatures that reigned supreme of the mesh of concrete and steel that once made up their confined cells of torture. The whirring of alarms sounded overhead instead of warning the innocent of humans seemed more of a praised laugh to announce the arrival of the manic chaos that was to befall all.

Blood. As red as the lights and as copper as the metal was the main decoration for the parade of monsters descending through the halls and disemboweling the humans and in some cases each other. No one cares. Certainly not the beasts that now ran ramped with adrenaline and bloodlust in their minds.

An inhuman screech went off into the night as a stronger forced ripped away arms from torso. Eyes turned and stared into the bloodlust abyss of bloodshot eyes. A mix of shrieks echoed out into the darkened night above. So much blood spilt in that night that it might've even spilt into the moon illuminating red down on everything.

R E D

The color clouded vision beyond reasoning. Inhuman yells of pain and murder carved way by him. One by one. Body by body. Life by life. Flesh torn from bone. Blood cleaved from muscles. Arms from torso. Limb from limb. He was a beast tonight. The thirst for blood was not just a want but a need. For tonight he was not a man. Not a demon. Nor anything else comprehendible by human thought.

~~~~

A wave of relief from the stress after so long was finally hers after her request for the maternity leave was approved and sent to her almost right away. Almost as quickly for her request months ago to be transferred to a less strainous job. But she supposed the foundation didn't want the reputation of putting a pregnant woman in danger on their heads on top of the amount of questionable things that they already had done. 

As for zero Three Five, she at first didn't worry to much. He couldn't get up and walk around on his own and while he could've noticed her ..condition, she transferred from his case before she began showing and didn't tell him, so she was confident that he hadn't any idea of this. Which would be better in the long run. Who knows what might happen if he found out. 

Apparently there was quite the tantrum throwing down his way anyways. The timing of her leaving and him acting out wasn't a coincidence, she was smart enough to know that but that wasn't really a priority right now. Her main priority was trying to figure out what to do about this. Her first thought was possibly just giving it up to adoption services which still hadn't really left the table. After all it might be better id there was as least minimal contact between this child and it's 'Father' as possible. 

When she first found out about this it was panic and anxiety. Still is but less than it was in the beginning. She had the ridiculous fear that she might be forced to birth a mask but that was impossible and just the paranoia speaking. The sonograms of the child weren't actually any different than that of a normal infant but that didn't mean anything was normal yet. Would it possess any keter level abilities like the mask? Was it just a normal human regardless of its parentage? Would they get any physical features like that mask? Though there wasn't anything physical to really take after. Perhaps they'd be extremely pale like the white porcelain Zero Three Five was made of but she could just easily just say it was Albinoism to detour any suspicions. She already had a reasonable excuse if anyone asked about the father.

"He was just a fling I had. He doesn't know and honestly I don't know who he is."

No one really suspected. People had one night stands all the time and several of those resulted in unexpected pregnancies. So why would anyone give any grief if it just happened to her? Sigh. She really needed a break. The next few months off was exactly what she needed to help her figure out what to do about this. 

~~~~

The darkness both swallowed him up and closed off the ways both in front and behind him making each end of the pathay difficult to see with the already limited vision he had. Heightened senses were one thing he had been thankful to have retained from years of familiarity to his body and mind. Closing off all senses to be more enlightened to one's world in a different light. Each echo of his footfalls ringing in his mind as the airways of his body forced himself to absorb more oxygen out of the air and each heart beat thudding against his ribcage. Throbbing sensation reaching from his head to his feet with every passing second he was surrounded by the buzzing swarm of danger. Enlightened by the stings of fear. Danger. Dread. Doom. Like many wasps penetrating his most basic human emotions and swelling them up to the point of combusting dangerously all over the peeping, teasing darkness.

The soft silk touch of his host's clothes met his hand. It was easy to move...Easy to will it to move running along the soft fabric to something more smooth and hard. Both basic instinct wasps forcing him to do something so familiar to combat the combustible feelings. To grab at which to protect him and cut it away like a sickeningly sweet cake of misery and despair. Instincts wailing to protect himself from dangers he had yet to see. Had yet to reveal themselves to him. Hopefully to be chased away by the sounds of the bullets of the gun and held out into the darkness to cut it's tainting self down a notch. That his willpower will always prevail over it. Each burning room slowly passing a tainting gateway. Each with a promise of safety behind it and perhaps even it had occupants inside using it. taking up it's offering of safety from the darkness now dead to the world highly unaware of the masked host just roaming outside arm outstretched and staring down the one that dared teased him the most with it's fake promise of protection.

The host approached slowly, one hand still gripped at his gum, fingers strumming against the metal handle as if his nerves where itching to use it. Yet he remained stoic despite the clouds that where casting gathering to add to the storm inside his head. Upon closer inspection the scalpel in the door was too purposeful for this to be an improvised job, this job - this attack, this entire get away had been just a waste of his time so far. His eyes narrowed or would've if he was capable of that.

"Dam it. Where is that damned exit?!"

A inhuman scream tore through the area drowning out the other terrible screams and blaring alarm.

The blaring alarms hid well the sounds of his footsteps and the chaos of murder around him covered the intention of the desire and want which was the driving force of the shared minds that combined with one another to become one.

The screams rang into the air as his pathway was made, him walking through its wake of cadavers long since dead. The morbid sight earning a slight chuckle despite his annoyance with the situation. 

"It looks as if that lizard got here before I did."

Terror. Fear. Danger. Get away. Get away! All the pathetic ones scream. Like a car accident, terrible yet one couldn't look away from the incoming storm of tragedy. He was so used to such actions as he came with the reputation. The woman who continued to shriek in his way meant nothing to him. She was merely just an obstacle. An annoying hindrance to what he wanted-..No

.

What he N E E D E D.

And he always dealt away with obstacles. The old body was easily chuckled to the side, he not caring about where it landed or how the other ended up. Screaming. A true testimony to his being. Power. Force behind it and he knew that as screams filled out his eardrums and killed him into the comfortable lullaby of chaos incarnate. Arms rising and head tilted back in display for the passionate dance of bodies scattering blurred to his vision footfalls thundering like a rain dance of nature. A true place a demon would find peace. Eyelids fluttered shut as the sounds blurred out around him until he heard nothing. Saw nothing. Felt nothing. But-

WHAT HE NEEDED WAS THAT DAM EXIT!!!

The fact that there was a lack of an exit messed with his irritation much more than it usually did but there was more urgency than before because of someone else who especially didn't like him found out about this little problem he'd gotten himself into and got there before he did...Well even just the thought of it happening was enough to drive him to insanity and rage and many other emotions he didn't want to unpack right now and didn't really have time to. As he paced past rooms with destruction already painted on it's walls and with the distant sounds of -... Footsteps drowned out by screams and alarms stopped in their pacing to back track. Poking his borrowed host's head inside a room. It looked like an office. The owner of which was long since dead slumped over against the wall. But what caught his interest was the thick window. Usually reinforced but now broken to the outside.

An exit and a new host all in one place.  How convenient.

"Hm. I think I'll take what's behind door number one.~"

~~~~

The peace of mind she'd gotten for once was short lived. As if she couldn't catch one break in this entire process. A breach. Just what she needed in this time. Her only saving grace was that she wasn't there when it happened. That probably would've been much more disasterous than actually taking this damned problem home with her. It was only inviting trouble...But she shouldn't worry, she told herself. Her home was a decent distance away from the sight and by the time she was due back most of the staff would probably be on leave anyways until repairs were made during damage control. 

So for now she'd relax and get comfortable on the couch and worry about just figuring out what to do next. Not as if she could do much with the equivalent of a bowling ball attached to her middle. Not until she was finally through this. 

However fate would've had other plans as they usually do.

When something from the outside of the room would've made their way in. Without warning the doorknob opening and swinging open by itself jolting her from where she lied, and horrified fear enveloped her when the body of her neighbor who was no more. Dramatically posed like a puppet following invisible strings.

"Honey!~ I'm home!~"

[kazuhahalol]

— she’s the man | k. kurta x reader

Kurapika starts to care for someone he perceives as a man, only to realize that his feelings transcend labels.

TW: none

Note: It’s actually so funny because this idea came to me while I was watching mulan today and it also just so happened to be transgender day of visibility! I love all of you and I’m so proud every single day and im willing for my work to be interpreted however you want and/or need. I’m currently working on more stories and requests because I’ve been out cuz school is just so annoying.

masterlist

The Black Whale loomed in front of me. It was massive, intimidating, and I couldn’t afford to back out now. I had no other choice. The only way to get close to my father, who I hadn’t seen in years, was to board this ship. To find him. But there was a problem: the only way to get on was to be hired as a bodyguard. And that wasn’t a job women were allowed to do, so…I became someone else.

A man.

I tugged at the collar of my jacket, adjusting it for the twentieth time as I walked toward the ship. Yes, my anxiety caused me to start keeping count. My heart pounded in my chest, a mixture of fear and anticipation. Somewhere on that ship was my father, and I was going to find him—no matter the cost. It was messy, complicated, and dangerous. But I had to do

ᡣ𐭩

I didn’t expect to catch his attention so soon. I was just another body on the Black Whale, trying to fit in. But Kurapika’s eyes were sharp. He wasn’t the type to trust easily, and from the first glance, I could tell he was sizing me up.

We didn’t speak much in the beginning. We were both busy with our duties, mine, of course, just a cover—but his presence kept pulling me in. Whether it was his composed nature, the way he carried himself with precision, or the fact that he seemed like he could see through everyone, it was hard to ignore him.

At first, it was a few stolen glances. I’d catch him looking at me from across the room, his golden eyes studying me carefully. Each time, I’d look away quickly, pretending I hadn’t noticed.

But one day, as we were both assigned to guard the deck, he spoke.

“You’re the new guy,” he said, his voice flat, with just a hint of curiosity.

I raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound like I’m new to this kind of work.” I kept my tone casual, leaning slightly against the railing to hide the nervousness that crept up on me whilst also hiding my chest deeper into my shirt.

“I don’t mean the job. You just don’t seem like the other bodyguards,” Kurapika replied, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. His gaze was piercing, like he was trying to read me, and it made my throat tighten. “Something about you doesn’t add up.”

I couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh. “Guess I’m just that good at blending in.”

Kurapika didn’t respond immediately, just continued to stare at me as if he was measuring me. I held his gaze for a moment, then looked away, trying to ignore the feeling of his eyeballs burning into me.

ᡣ𐭩

The days passed, and it became clear that our paths kept crossing. Like it was fate. Guard duty, training, meals, no matter where I went, he seemed to be there. It wasn’t that I sought him out; it just happened. And over time, we spoke more, if only out of necessity.

“You really don’t like people, do you?” I asked one random ties day, after a training session where Kurapika had remained silent the entire time, only responding when spoken to.

He glanced at me. “People are complicated.”

I tilted my head, curious. “That’s a little…vague.”

He didn’t smile. “It’s true.”

We lapsed into a silence that felt comfortable in its own way. The tension between us wasn’t aggressive—it was more like we were two people trying to understand something unspoken. However, something odd happened a few nights later.

We were both on deck, staring at the horizon, the quiet of the night wrapping around us. The moonlight illuminated the waves, casting long shadows across the ship. For once, Kurapika seemed relaxed, like he wasn’t a man on a mission and for once, I felt like maybe, just maybe, he was letting his guard down.

“Why did you become a bodyguard?” he asked, his voice low, almost hesitant. It was the first time he had ever shown any curiosity about me. And it surprised me enough to make me pause.

I exhaled slowly, keeping my gaze on the distant ocean. “Same reason as anyone else,” I said, shrugging off the question. “I need the money.”

He didn’t buy it. “That’s not true,” he said quietly. “You don’t need to lie to me, you know.”

I looked over at him, meeting his intense stare. “I’m not lying.”

Kurapika’s eyes narrowed, but there was a flicker of something there, something deeper. “Then tell me the truth,” he said, his voice softer now.

It’s like he had a knack for knowing when people are lying.

I hesitated. The truth was much harder to say. I had a goal. A mission. But I wasn’t sure I could share it with him. Not yet.

Before I could respond, he continued. “You know, I’m not so different from you.”

This caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re both here for reasons we don’t talk about. We both hide behind masks—me with my mission, and you with your bodyguard persona.”

I thought about his words for a long time, the weight of them pressing down on me. “Maybe,” I said finally, “but I’m not hiding anything.”

Kurapika turned to me, his gaze serious. “Everyone hides something, whether they admit it or not.”

I think about that night every single time I go to bed. I’ve spent my whole life thinking no one understands what I’m feeling or why and hell, I don’t even know myself. Yet Kurapika doesn’t even have to ask. He can just tell. I feel naked, exposed, and vulnerable whenever he’s around because he reads me better than no one else ever could.

The turning point came after a particularly brutal day. We had been assigned to protect a high-ranking official, a “prince” from a large faction, and things had gotten tense. I’d been knocked around a little more than I liked, and my shirt had been torn up, revealing the bandages I kept hidden underneath.

It was a small thing, but Kurapika noticed. His eyes lingered on my torso for a moment before he spoke, his voice quieter than usual. “What’s under there?” he asked, stepping closer.

I tried pulled my shirt back down quickly, heart pounding in my chest. “Nothing,” I muttered, trying to brush him off.

But he wasn’t having it. “Don’t lie to me,” he said, his tone soft but firm.

I swallowed hard, realizing that there was no way I could hide anymore. “You want the truth?” I asked, meeting his gaze. “I’m not a man.”

Kurapika’s eyes widened slightly, but he said nothing, just stared at me as if waiting for me to continue.

“I had to do this,” I explained. “Get on the ship, find my father. It’s the only way.” I paused, my voice faltering for a second. “And I couldn’t do it as a woman. I needed to be someone else.”

Kurapika didn’t look away, his expression unreadable. For a long moment, neither of us spoke. The weight of the confession hung heavy between us. Then, finally, he spoke.

“It doesn’t change anything.”

I blinked, my heart racing. “What?”

“I don’t care what you’re labeled as,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “I care about who you are.”

I stared at him, unsure if I heard him right. “But—”

He stepped closer, his golden eyes softening just a little. “You’re still you. And that’s all that matters.”

ᡣ𐭩

The Black Whale continued its journey, but something between us had changed. It wasn’t dramatic, and it wasn’t some grand confession. But in the quiet moments, in the small exchanges, we had come to understand each other in a way neither of us had expected.

I wasn’t just the bodyguard anymore. And Kurapika wasn’t just the hunter. We were something else. Two people who had slowly learned to trust one another, not because of labels, but because of what we had come to mean to each other.

And as the ship sailed on, I couldn’t help but feel that, in some way, I had found something I never thought I would. Not just my father, but someone who saw me for who I really was. I might have finally found myself too.

[jaychrilo1144]

Ramble post #028273729

Topic: trans people, being in the lgbt community, and the Harry Potter/ Marauders Community.

Tw: mentions of sa

I've been thinking a lot about the ruling in the UK and Jkrs actions toward it and her response. I've been thinking a lot about how terrifying it is here in the States right now with a proud, bigoted dictator.

My heart and soul are so fucking heavy right now. I try not to show it, but I know Im a naturally anxious person, and these things have been sitting in the back of my mind. Festering the more I try to ignore it because I have no one around me irl who will talk about this with me. I hate living in the silence all the time.

I havent had any problems here so far, but I want to make this message loud and clear. If you are a TERF, or a transphobe in general, if you are homophobic, sexists, racist, xenophobic, then get the hell off of my page. I will never stand for any of that here, ever. Because if you are going to act intolerate and ignorant for no reason, then I will for a good reason. My safety, and the safety of others.

I will make this loud and clear. Trans women are real women. Trans men are real men. Nonbinary/ Agender people are valid. Marriage was around BEFORE religion. Lgbt love is real and valid love.

No woman should be afraid to be arrested because they are using the womens restroom. Are we seeing how absurd that sounds? How scary that is for transwomen? How scary that is for women who don't fit the feminine stereotype? ALL WOMAN IN GENERAL??

Im going to put this very plain and simple and it may shock some of you so be prepared. If a man desperately wanted to sa or grape a woman in the bathroom, he would. If he wanted to dress as a woman and harm other women, he would. Lets think rationally. A Real transwoman is not going to go through all of the hormone therapies, or surgeries, or other tasks to transition just so that she can get into the womens restroom and inflict harm. I can guarentee that a man is not willing to go those lengths for that, because he can infict harm if he really wanted anytime.

Transwomen are real women just trying to live their lives like everyone else.

What scares me more is how are they going to police this? Are they going to start checking peoples genitalia to determine if theyre in the "right" bathroom or not? Absolutely the FUCK not!

This affects women as a whole.

Now. We need to talk about the fandom. Never will I ever allow another penny of mine to be given to that horrid author. Ever. However, the hp and marauders fandom has changed my life. I become more accepting of myself because of it. I've found such an amazing community full of incredible artists, writers, bloggers, and other creatives alike. Ive said it before, we have taken a world born from bigotry and turned it into a place of inclusivity in spite of the creator and hp and marauders will forever have have a special place in my heart.

With that being said. You can hate the artist and appreciate the art. How? Where u put ur money, you put ur support. For instance. Me personally I avoid Starbucks. They won't be given my money because of their unfair treatment and being anti Palestine was the cherry on top, also im poor and its not worth it. Are there other companies like it? Yes but but i chose starbucks. It's a small change on ur end that becomes a collective change when everyone else is involved, and together, we significantly dropped starbucks earnings.

Same for jkr rn. You know what she supports and where she takes her dollars earned from viewers. How do you enjoy the world of hp then? Dont give her the money, dont give her attention on social media. Dont interact with her accounts. Block her. Want to buy the books or even the video game? Buy them second hand or from a nondirect seller. I have resources to recommend. Do NOT WATCH THE NEW TV SERIES!!!! I just know that with casting choices, there are going to be racial micro aggressions in the show, and that's more hate that the world doesn't need. Get involved with the community on here, ao3, and/or other SM platforms.

My friends and siblings of the LGBT+ community (and allies), it is important more than ever that we take a stand to love, support, and protect our fellow trans people. Sacred safe spaces are becoming more sparse. Protect the spaces we have now and help to create new ones. It feels like we are going back, and its up to us not let it happen.

Stay safe, everyone. You are loved. You matter. There is always a safe place for you here.

Thank you 💛

[eva-does-their-best]

can you shut the fuck up youre making all trans guys look bad so fucking annoying. insane that u cant handle any fucking criticism whatsoever lol holy shit. whole ass fucking paragraph. gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right. god forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community. im gonna be so real rn and say that as trans guys / tme people we have it so much easier its actually insane (coming from someone whos been thru corrective rape when i was 12 after i came out as a trans guy btw! theres my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.) not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

First off: So sorry about what happened to you, my most sincere condolences. It's the only thing I can really give, hope your life gives you enough peace and happyness to allow you to live with such an event.

Second:

You're making all trans guys look bad

I'm not a trans guy, I'm a transmasc, very different, a difference you should if not care about at least keep in mind if you want to respect less binary forms of masculinity. I don't speak as nor speak for trans guys, because I am not one, maybe if you actually read what I write you would know.

Insane that you can't handle any fucking criticism

Criticism where? Let me be absolutely blunt and sincere: All I see in the posts I replied to is tired, scared and hurt people who cope with said feelings by turning their vents into everyone else's problems.

I vent a fucking lot, everyone can see that, but when I vent I am sincere and point the source of my pain, how I feel, why I feel that way, and which people I believe reinforce it. What I don't do is go out of my way to involve people who have nothing to do with it or with how I feel.

Trust me I know how they feel, and the way they are dealing with it is incredibly self-destructive and I want nothing more than for them to get out of that shitty mental state that hurts them so they can feel better and have a slightly better life and emotional responses to the world.

Whole ass fucking paragraph

Yeah, that is how one transmits ideas. Shocking.

Gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right

I've replied to a couple posts so I don't know which one you're talking about, but I've no clue about the gender of the people who I replied to, I simply replied to shitty ideas, don't care who's behind them.

Pretty lame that you try to make this a gender war, don't you think?

God forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community

"her" ok so this is you personally defending someone you know, I can tell.

Statement goes both ways don't you think? You think this is just for fun?? Yeah let's start a conflict that is affecting the lives of real people for fun!

We are fucking tired of the mockery, the disrespect, and the extreme policing of transmasc and trans men's language and experiences by people who have no say in them.

Do you care about that too or are you a hypocrite? Because when I reply to people's shit-ass posts I do in fact care about them otherwise I'd ignore em and let em keep hurting themselves.

"Oh but these ones attacked this person" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. There are shitheads everywhere, in every opinion and side of any conflict. There are gonna be shitheads who use this as an excuse to attack people of a certain particular gender they already had something against, it is irrelevant to the ideas exposed. Let's not act like there isn't a whole plethora of posts about killing transmasc please, you SHOULD care avout that too.

As transmascs/tme people we have it so much easier

You're free to have an opinion about your own experiences and I have no horse in that race. HOWEVER:

•You're not the only transmasc in the world and your opinion is very clearly not a universal truth, so don't you dare spit on everyone else's experiences by deciding what's true and what's not without counting with them.

• In your dumbass dychotomy of "tma/tme" transmasc are not the only ones put on the "tme" label and the same way I cannot talk about YOUR experiences you have no fucking right to talk about everyone else's experiences specially the ones from other identities and lives that you did not get to be or experience.

•Without dipping my toes in your opinion or your experiences I profoundly disagree with you.

• Lastly, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO HAS IT WORSE?! WE'RE ALL FUCKING HURT AND BROKEN WE'RE LITERALLY KILLED IN THIS WORLD FOR JUST EXISTING, YOU WANT A COMPETITION??? GO FIGHT FOR TRANS PEOPLE'S RIGHTS TO COMPETE IN SPORTS INSTEAD OF CREATING OPRESSION OLYMPICS. GET YOUR COMFY ASS OUT OF YOUR INTERNET ARMCHAIR AND GO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD FFS.

There's my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.

Again so sorry you had to go through that, but you realize the whole point of this is to be able to have words for those specific forms of opression and awful events right?? To have experiences like that respected and treated with the seriousness they deserve right??? That is what we want.

You experienced transandrophobia, and the people you're defending right now don't want you to have a word for it, or allow only words picked by them as if they had any right to speak for you. Respect yourself more, man.

Not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

Hey at least you're honest, good. I don't give a fuck though, if you wanna keep hating me I have good news for you: I don't plan to ever shut the fuck up, enjoy.

The one person you hate is not me anyway, that is plain obvious... but that's a you thing to try and work on.

Sayonara dude👋🏻

[dreaming-of-barbi]

That's so fucked up that people are romantizing Franco, because even Red Barrels are showing him as a total creep and disgusting person. In Outlast Tag I have a feeling that some artists are making him completly different character, making him charming/safe/lovely. I even have seen some people who were drawing him with normal face (without big forehead) and you couldn't tell them that it's the right character design! I feel like Franco enjoyers are more agressive than fans of other Outlast character. Even with Coyle/Eddie simps they seem to understand that they are evil and they murder others, but with Franco I feel like they can take it when someone tell them that he's grown up, murder people in very brutal way and his voice lines are just disgusting... it really seems that people are getting agressive only because someone tell some shit about 🎀✨️Franco🎀✨️. I know his fans isn't the only one that have stick in their ass (cause I seen a lot of shit bout Coyle/Big Grunts/Easterman etc.) but yall need to understand that FRANCO IS A GROWN ASS MAN and you would run for your life if you'd meet someone in irl as 1% fucked up as he is. Saying that he's just a Baby and he made nothing wrong is just 🤮 and problem is in yall if you justificate him and things he made.

idk how to tell you this ,,,, but this game is fictional. The characters are fictional. You're free to feel however you want about them, just like I and anyone else is.

I partially agree with the part about changing his appearance to make him look more "normal" or whatever, but at the same time people are allowed to interpret their favs however they want to. They can draw / write for him however they want to. I don't like "fixing" his face, just because it (personally) feels like saying "he's too ugly", but again, that's just me. As an artist, I know that people are going to have different interpretations of a character I like. It's just part of other people existing in the world. Not everyone thinks like you do, and that's okay.

Do you know how many posts I saw (and STILL see) about Eddie Gluskin, doing essentially the same thing as what you said people do with Franco?? That man would cut you open to "make a baby in you" no hesitation and people still ""romanticize"" him (me fuckin included I LOVE YOU EDDIE). Its just part of liking fucked up characters, some people are going to want to make them more "normal".

Personally, I see the normalization as more like wanting to give him some normalcy in his life, because of his past / lore. I love the idea of letting Franco have a normal life, be a normal person. A life where he never had to deal with the stupid Mafia stuff, had a decent father and never ran into Murkoff, having a normal, happy life. But, I also seriously adore his original, fucked up character.

Honestly, who actually cares if people are "justifying" his actions??? None of them are real. He is not real. I have never understood the sentiment that you have to make sure people know you don't justify a fictional characters actions... they are not real. It's not a real person. None of the things he did happened.

Maybe it's just me, but I would not run from someone like him. That's not some edge lord "im so evil and dark" bs but because of my real life experiences. Been with and around people in my life / family who are quite like him and I didn't run.

I imagine some of us are using it as a sort of coping mechanism, because (at least for me) some of us dealt with people who treated us like he would. Though, that's getting into personal territory, and I won't try and speak for others.

All I can really say is either learn that not everybody's going to have the same ideas as you or block the tag. Sorry if that's too harsh a response, but life is too short to really give that much of a fuck about someone /something other people like.

And I've said this before but this is literally Outlast, all of the characters are this fucked up, it's not just him.

Like does no one remember Outlast 2??? Does no one remember the pile of dead burnt babies, or the hundreds of other fucked up things in that game?? I really feel like Franco does not compare.

So, can we please just be over with this now? I mean, drama is totally fun and I love it, but I can imagine others don't.

[pumpkinsy0]

im feeling the spirit so do u have any christmas hcs?🤭

i love getting holiday asks in the middle of august, it really gets me ready❤️

•two bit and curly love snowglobes however ik theyve broken so many and arent allowed to hold them

•pony loves making gingerbread houses and is so QUIET and FOCUSED when he is but SOMEONE keeps being rowdy and fucking it up

•soda has like always been in charge of the music and that will never ever change

•ik pony hate to see curly w a mistletoe comin

•I WILL ALWAYS BRING THIS UP, PLEASE LET THEM MAKE HAITIAN FANALS THEY LOOK SO PRETTY😢😢😢, pony stares at them and loves the way they look, especially in the snow at night and how they reflect on it (yes ik tulsa rlly doesnt snow that much but shhhhh)

•the shepards WILL be bringing out that kremas, TRUST🙏🏽🙏🏽

•dallys throwing snowballs w rocks, dont even try and hide it

•soda loves peppermint chocolate and that will never fail to disgust steve

•ugly christmas sweaters,,,aw yea,,,,

•the curtis mom had this tradition of making gingerbread men and the gang could decorate themselves onto it and soda and darrys carried that tradition along

•the curtis’ and shepard’s would bring food over to each other

•steve has a talent for making hot chocolate, speaking of hot chocolate, idk WHO did it, but the curtis’ had to b taught how to make actual hot chocolate and not just the powdered packet one

•two bit and dally have definitely got kicked out a mall for gawking at the santas helpers girls

•pony and curly have broke SOMETHING trying to sled (the hill was rocky and there wasnt that much snow but they had hope and a dream), then again maybe they just, had one on the sled while the other pulled, but the one pulling was just doin too much😭

•the shepards dont get a tree, but the curtis’ kinda do???certainly not a big tree, but A tree regardless, maybe its just one of those tree ls that sit outside their house that they decorated

•the shepards r forced to go to church by their mom😭

•curly and angela were those kids who fucked w the nativity scene, tim knew but was too tired to rlly care and he found it a lil funny at times

•like barely of them have a scarf, so many of em have gotten a cold for sure

•they all prefer warm christmas, to them all white christmas is just dead, even for the ones that dont particularly love christmas, its either u go for a warm and colorful christmas or else ur just being extra annoying

•its johnnys fav holiday but also his loneliest bc hes reminded of what he doesnt have

•angela CANNOT dress for winter, like its an actual problem shes not used to it at all and she hates when shes restricted in what she has to wear all bc of the weather, tim usually had to give her his jacket

[transfemme-shelterdog]

today me and some classmates went to a local art museum and i was having a great time . . . away from the people asking why there had to be dicks and bulges on everything

idk dude (not you; i would never call YOU dude youre ma’am or boss to me bc i started calling ppl boss) maybe some people just have dicks and/or crotch bulges. like. art is never fully detached from human experience. and sometimes some humans experience having a penis in everyday life. like yeah haha peener but like. it wasnt just haha peener it was ‘of course theres more penises (annoyed)’ LIKE YEAH THATS HOW BEING A HUMAN WORKS SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE THEM!!! like fuck DAMN dude youre in a museum with art from several different times and several different places how would there be not a single penis or bulge in all the art at the museum 😭😭😭

one of the adults was joining in too!!! and when i went to look closer at a painting with a really cool frame the other adult also looked and went ‘wow thats a lot of naked people’ and i think thats more bc she expected the high schooler (me) to be weird about it but i was just quiet irl and mentally going “theyre bodies!!! theyre just bodies!!! oh my god!!” but throughout the trip i was just wondering when the hypersexualization of having a body and not covering it became such a problem. i was also surprised how much more of it was towards men and i just dont think i can believe none of it is because of anti-masculinity.

ohhh my god people have bodies. people sometimes do not wear garments!! people sometimes even draw themselves or others doing as such!!!! oh my god these horrible people wear no garments and show other people wearing no garments thats vulgar!! ohhh my goddd i didnt realize i was surrounded by THAT brand of puriteens like what

in coolness though i got to see an ancient greek urn!!! and i also got to look at tons of pretty landscapes!!!! and i got to see ancient greek stuff that visualized for me in my head what the fuck the specific words mean (like oinochoe or however its spelled) and on the ground floor the display for the china (as in bowls and plates) was mega cool cos it was suspended from the ceiling but with a boxy snake type (idk how to explain it) pattern holding each one. also there were these COOL MULTICOLORED GLASS BIRDS i was like no i need to see if im allowed to move closer before i do anything else and then did not move closer because i was not allowed to and went to another section and browsed around before moving on and rinse and repeat. i wanna go back there i ended up not taking my time as much cos we were only there for an hour and not everyone wanted to read blurbs like i did. i think i’ll ask roommates if they can drive me over on the weekend as the only license i take is poetic 😔

Sadly some people are really weird about the human body and feel the need to act like any nudeness or natural body parts are somehow sexual.

[cadaverskey]

if i'm being entirely honest i find the term "spiritual psychosis" annoying at best. it makes me feel as though i, as someone with schizoaffective disorder, need to work extra hard to "prove" my spiritual beliefs are valid.

here's the thing. my spirituality has always been and will always be flavored and colored by being schizoaffective. even when i was an atheist i could not untangle the two. there's never going to be a way for me to know where the line is drawn between my spiritualism and my psychosis. for example i will probably never shake the idea that i died and was resurrected, and that event holds SIGNIFICANT spiritual meaning for me, even on antipsychotics, even when i can recognize that yes, it's probably the remains of a delusion.

so please tell me, why is it anyone else's business if i incorporate that into my religious practices? it harms no one and gives me one more reason to rejoice. if it started causing actual problems, putting me in danger, causing me distress, bringing along disorganized thinking or anything of the sort, that's when it would be time for me to get help. but really and truly i would not want random people im not close with to tell me to get that help, especially if their only clues into my mental state come from my spiritual practices. i am not a dog to be taken to the vet. sometimes people are psychotic and we exist in your communities and we have religious beliefs and you have GOT to suck it up and allow space for us, however our conditions affect us and our practices.

it's also just. buries my face in my hands. you can just say psychosis, you don't need a special term for it. again it just makes me feel like i'm being singled out and not being taken seriously because there's a long LONG history of psychotic/schizospec people having our mental illnesses used as reason to disregard us. please just mind your business.

[flo-zoinks]

Merry Christmas Zoinky!! 🎄🫂❤️

I would love to hear you yap about your thoughts on Reverend please 🙏🙏

MERRY CHRISTMAS AOIOOZORA❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄 SORRY IM A BIT LATE I LOVE UR ASKS

I've had such a moving relationship with Swanson as I've played - I started by HATING him because of the interaction he has with Javier (I'd only caught about some of it and thought him telling his 'Mexican friend' as he says to repent was for being Mexican). But I've defo grown to love my boy so I'm very grateful for this ask thank you!!!

One thing I adore about his character is his parallels with Dutch - how both of them seem to be in always completely opposite situations. Whilst at the start Dutch is seen as loving, respectable and driven, Reverend on the other hand is presented as shameful, shallow and hopeless (essentially the complete opposite.) Dutch knows and is confident in his ideals and how he will lives accordingly, whilst Swanson is shown multiple times in almost comedic oxymorons with his actions to beliefs, like when his bible opened to contain recreational drugs.

However, as Dutch comes down, Swanson goes up. As Dutch falls and betrays his own beliefs on family for instance, such as leaving Arthur to die, Swanson instead finds truth in his faith and gets sober, doing actions such as preaching to people like Arthur wisely. I think this is to show perhaps the effect of their characters different mindsets, or just overall views. Dutch believes his problems are not him, but everyone else. He believes hes somehow perfect, and will change his ideals to make himself feel perfect - ultimately becoming his downfall as he goes against everyone and runs to live in a cave. Swanson, though, is only harmful to himself, and takes full accountability for his own actions. This means he is able to see his problems, and when he can stop the shit he throws at himself and solve them. So Swanson is able to heal, and become the best version of himself learning from his mistakes and changing accordingly.

If I'm being honest too, his relationship with his Faith is one I've always related to a little. He struggles in the beginning to understand why a God would cause his life to go so astray and horrendous while he, in comparison to so many others, chose to become a man of the cloth and dedicate himself to his faith - proven as he makes comments like "I feel like if God really loved me he would've struck me down years ago" (paraphrasing). But growing and healing himself to a newer version allows him to refind that security in his God, becoming someone with so much to be grateful for (like his own Church) when he commits to changing. But that's just me.. - yet because of that hes always had a little place in my heart 😭❤❤

I personally love his character in the camp, whilst at the start I struggled to understand why the game (and mostly Dutch) would add a reverend with no criminal skills or monetary skills to the camp, rendering his character quite useless in a good number of missions. Continuing however, and seeing his character as one representing much more than just a 'drunk gone sober yipee', I think is very poetically tied in with the main plot. He's a prime example of the layers in every character in RDR, as hes so much more than just that. Even whilst a drunk, whilst still sometimes causing harm to those around him, he purposely tries to prevent everyone else being wrapped in his issues, and tries to be a help during Colter in the ways he can. I had no idea during my first play though that the Reverend reading passages to the gang and helping John with his morphine (now I sound like an idiot) would be a 'low life' addict, and that definitely shocked me. Even whilst he's considered healed, when Strauss tries to talk to him about his own worries Swanson is a little ignorant, and instead yaps about his own journey and ignores Strauss trying to talk. That little interaction though had me surprised at how well he had changed as when Strauss asked to talk his immediate reaction to shut his book and say "yes, of course", getting up was starkly different to their other interaction in chapter 2 in which he calls Strauss a horrible man for not giving him money for drugs. Especially since Strauss by all holy books is perhaps the definition of sin, preying on the poor and showing little empathy, Swanson sees the good in him that other's don't and turns the other cheek to kindness as his Holy book preaches time and time again. It also presents how much he actually took the beliefs to heart, as many people who identify themselves as Christians (no matter where you go, trust me I know) will often be ignorant of some rules to hate on "those who deserve it", or do the bad thing when it's easy. But Swanson doesn't, and works hard to take in and do the option according to his beliefs, even if the harder option like showing kindness to the face that insult you. Yet of course, hes still not perfect at the end, which to me solidifies him as an examples of the amount of depth in each rdr2 character

Finally can I just say

🙏him in chapter 6..😔Zoo..wee...mama...

Thanks for letting me yap!! What do you think about him??? I would love to know 😚😚 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[autisticjoshrusso]

ok ok ok. a post about josh, buck, and maddie at dispatch as promised. (and because i dont feel like writing a whole separate post or repeating myself etc, if im pointing something out as evidence for my autistic josh headcanon, it'll be in parenthesis like this) also this is long because im going basically line by line in some places so just be prepared for that and such.

the first thing i wanna say before anything else is that like... as far as how this conversation fits into the larger narrative, i was fairly disappointed, due to the way that including this scene like this is kinda implying that the racism was fine because of being closeted etc. HOWEVER. luckily for my sanity it is pretty clear that from a character perspective, that's not at all what's being said by josh himself here, and we can be pretty certain that he is not aware of tommy's past behaviors. in fact he has almost no facts or context about the situation, which i'll get into later.

now that the disclaimer is out of the way, im gonna move onto character analysis and will not be touching on what i think the narrative might have meant etc. any further. like this is going to be purely talking about character dynamics and dissecting the dialogue etc.

we start out right away by skipping all the exposition right into a hard cut of maddie reacting to the news that tommy and abby were engaged. LOVE this set up we get right into the important part quickly and we as the audience only have to hear information that is new to us, not the information being repeated back to the character for whom the information is new.

and oh maddie. i love you so bad. she's like DAMN thats crazy, and then makes the obvious turning people gay joke. her energy here is sooo like it didn't make sense until looking at it in retrospect, but she's shocked and invested yet not taking it very seriously as a concern for buck, because well, she's having a baby and this is objectively not that serious comparatively <3 but i do love that she sees buck's reaction and quickly reins it in and is like woah im kidding im not actually being homophobic holy smokes. which. it kinda still is a little. but i think she's allowed <3

and then... josh enters the scene. he apparently only walked in as buck was saying "-kissed a boy" so of course he had to be like huh? gay shit? something gay? boys?? what's going on over here? and i love that for him. and i love that maddie immediately is like oh hi bestie i catch u up to speed on the tea <3 the maddiejosh bestieism is so back we never lose <3 and that fact that she's like. feeding in the facts in a way to dramatically amp up the tale i love it. she really said man the things my baby brother gets himself caught up in are wild.... anyway <3 true sibling behavior is finding the perfect balance between being supportive and being so so annoying <3

and she is supportive still. like when it becomes clear that there's something deeper going on here she does try to help him work through it. and its so interesting to me the way she is sort of seriously contemplating his words and is shocked when josh not only speaks up but is being very serious and equally focused on the problem at hand. it's like... she's trying so hard to figure out how to help her brother with something she doesn't fully understand that having someone else speak up to help them kind of shocks her and boy does that say something about their lives and the buckley sibling dynamic!

side note, the way josh is jokingly like "she didn't bring her personal life to work, unlike SOME people" and maddie's little look of mock offense?? they're so cute i cant handle it.

i also really love how the shots are framed during this conversation. at first, even when she's not talking and is just listening to josh talk, maddie is still in frame, we're still getting her reaction, she's an active participant in what's going on. and then there is the one shot where she's talking and josh is out of frame, hidden by buck, because whatever reaction he might be having isn't important, it's a buckley sibling moment. (he's not an active participant at that point; he's entirely observing and reacting and gathering information, not dictating the direction of the conversation whatsoever.)

it's only when josh gets very serious and it starts to turn into a heart to heart moment just between him and buck that maddie is allowed to leave the frame. it still goes back to her in very brief cuts when her reaction is relevant, but she steps back out of focus and let's josh handle the conversation. and i love that so much. thank GOD someone else is helping buck sort out his problems that isn't his parentified sister or just generally someone more marginalized than him. it was kind of getting irritating to watch, as much as i love buck so much. like dude... the emotional labor. watch it.

and man. this conversation guys. everything about it makes me an insane crazy person. ive already mentioned this in the tags of some other posts but like... its so fascinating because on the surface it is such a cohesive conversation, but when you really break it down and analyze both of their expressions and body language alongside what they're saying, you can start to see the cracks in it. what one of them is saying is not what the other one is hearing, in both directions. they are having two different conversations and i think it's critical to analyze both of those conversations and how they are interacting with each other. what josh says, what josh hears, what buck says, and what buck hears are four entirely separate things happening alongside each other.

the first part is josh trying to get a sense for how serious this relationship is to buck. when buck falters at the question of "do you love him?", he elaborates with follow-up questions that, to josh, define "love" or close enough to it. answering "yes" to those questions is close enough to a "yes" to the question of "do you love him?".

(which. ok. the particular choice of questions makes me insane because they do essentially boil down to "do you prefer this person to solitude and grant them an equal or greater importance to yourself?" which is sooo... it's said from the point of view of someone who greatly values their solitude and would not easily grant someone that level of importance.)

unfortunately, well, buck is NOT someone who greatly values his solitude, and puts other people before himself quite easily. buck would answer "yes" to those questions for basically anyone. josh does not know or understand this about buck and takes buck's answers at face value, while buck is taking this as sort of... it's hard to explain, and i think others have done a better job of capturing buck's perspective already tbh. he's convincing himself that he loves tommy here because josh is unknowingly handing him that information and expectation, and buck loves to mold himself to fit an expectation etc.

and then comes the second part, which... i think this is where it is most critical to realize that josh has none of the context about tommy, abby, and buck and those respective relationships. by his own admission, he didn't really know much about abby or about her breakup with tommy beyond the fact that it was upsetting. he didn't hear the way tommy talked about abby to buck at dinner, and he definitely didn't get to see any of the real fallout and damage to her psyche that tommy leaving her caused.

but buck did! im not inclined to rewatch s1 to get any exact quotes or anything but from what i remember, she either outright said or implied that she was so heartbroken because tommy left her because of her mother's illness. buck is understandably very upset because he understands exactly what she went through and how, unless abby was lying to not out him, he didn't exactly come clean with the breakup, and left her feeling like it was her fault, like there was something wrong with her or she was being weighed down by caring for her mother. he calls tommy's behavior exactly what it is: dishonest and cruel.

but josh doesn't know this. all he is hearing is a young, freshly out bisexual calling a gay man "dishonest and cruel" for having been engaged to a woman for his own protection. and he responds exactly how you'd expect! he reminds him of queer history and the fact that he doesn't really have a right to judge the people who grew up and had to survive in a world that was much less safe to come out in.

(and i said in my other post that's still doing numbers that "pre-Glee/post-Glee" is an actual queer discourse talking point and makes sense that it'd be used here, as awkward and cheesy as it seems, but it's also a win for my television/film/popular media/hollywood culture/etc. as a special interest headcanon. <3 we love to see it)

and it kills me because of course buck is just going to take this at face value and decide he needs to stop feeling the discomfort he's feeling, leading to the subsequent doubling down and over committing that is typical of his unhealthy relationship patterns.

(and then at the end of the speech josh has to literally announce that he's leaving DSJFHJKDSKJ. because walking away/ending conversations is so awkward and difficult and the easiest way to mitigate that is to lean into the Dramatic Homosexual Stereotype mask or whatever <3 i've long been of the opinion that josh is someone who uses the behaviors associated with queer men and queer masculinity as the blueprint for his neurotypical mask, which is why he often comes across as being just a little bit off from the Funny and Bitchy Gay vibes that it seems like he's going for. and boy did his exit from this scene just reinforce that headcanon so hard!)

they wrap the scene with a little bit more levity too which is kind of nice to like. move on from that. because it got kind of heavy there for a second.

overall i do like what this scene accomplished, but like i said at the start, i think it has some really unfortunate implications that weigh it down for me. still, always nice to get more josh content, especially when it's pretty consistent with his character as established AND not at all related to doing his job. we got to see him and maddie being goofy and maddie being allowed to let someone else deal with buck's problems for a second. and the whole thing was very well shot! excellent camera work going on throughout.

i don't actually know how to end this post so yknow. im gonna make a dramatic exit now or whatever <3