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historicallyaccuratecheese · 4 months

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Well...after over five weeks...I'm finally finished. I've finally made it to the end of Season 2 of The Magnus Archives, so...here is my seventh post detailing my thoughts, feelings and theories on every episode of the series, this time on Episodes 71-80. And you know...these have basically turned into semi-recaps of the episodes at this point as well, so uh...add that to the list of definitions.

This final quarter of the season...has been absolutely phenomenal, every episode has knocked it out of the park, and I can say with full confidence that I absolutely adore Season 2 as a whole. But at the same time...DEAR GOD, if these episodes did not contain a boatload of information. There was just....so, SO much to unpack here, hence why this one has taken so long to publish (for the most part anyways), and because of that...this is easily the longest post I have written so far, and...actually the longest thing I've ever written in my entire life. Like, I'm pretty proud of it, but...yikes, this is what my life has become?

I guess I COULD tell you the word count right here and now if I wanted to flex...but my desire to indulge in pride outweighs my desire for people to...actually read this, so um...in order to not scare people who are new here away...let's just say that you'll learn the word count if you make it to the very end. There you go. That's your incentive to read this behemoth of a post. But uh...do it in parts for your own sanity and wellbeing, please.

As always though, some things you should know. Please don't spoil anything past the first two seasons of The Magnus Archives for me, which includes all of The Magnus Protocol. If you haven't gotten this far into The Magnus Archives yourself and have any interest in doing so, please turn away and go listen to it first, because there's obvious spoilers here. I will be making reference to the previous six posts in this series of mine, so I recommend you read those before this one, all of which can be found in the masterpost that is linked above the cut. And finally, trigger warnings for everything in tma, particularly episodes 71-80, will apply here.

With all of that out of the way, I hope you enjoy. :)

- Episode 71, Underground 🚉

Statement of Karolina Górka, regarding a brief period trapped on the London Underground. Statement taken direct from subject.

….what? I mean…uh…ok, I guess just…live your best life girlie, I don’t know. So this was…certainly an…interesting episode to say the least. But not necessarily in the sense of like…insane lore drops or anything, more in the sense of…like…it’s just really damn odd. Overall, this is an extremely short episode with not a whole lot going on, which is most certainly by design given how the characters act in it, but like…I hope that makes you understand why I probably won’t have all that much to say about this one overall. I mean, I don’t really think I’m SUPPOSED to have much to say about this one given how the podcast itself treats it…but like, even if I don’t have any big theories or groundbreaking thoughts to give, I…genuinely kind of love this episode? Like, (and I mean this in the best way possible), it’s so objectively simple and not really all that remarkable, that it works its way around into becoming an extremely memorable and…oddly comedic episode, and I genuinely really like that. It’s really like…the only episode that doesn’t feel like it takes itself seriously so far…and that’s kind of fantastic. It might not be great for the same reasons that…honestly all of tma’s greatest hits are so good, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fantastic its own…weird way. Like, I don’t think it’s quite as much of a masterpiece as Binary for example…but it’s very Binary-esque to me with how…unashamedly weird it is, and that is arguably my favorite aspect of Binary so…yeah, this one unironically slays! Honestly, I don’t have much to say that isn’t basically said by the episode itself, but I’ll still document my thoughts for the sake of it, and I still have some mini-theories regarding this one too, so uh…yeah! Spooky train episode!

So, this is yet another statement taken direct from the subject, this time focusing on a woman named Karolina Górka. Now, I usually talk about my thoughts on the statement givers themselves before I actually get into talking about their story, but…with Karolina, her story is so intertwined with my thoughts on her that I’ll hold off on talking about her for the time being, and save that for later. All I’ll say for now is that…I absolutely stan her. Anyways, she’s come to the institute to give a statement about. an experience that took place a few weeks prior. On January 6th, she was engaging in a belated New Year’s Eve celebration with some close friends of hers at the Star in London. At one in the morning, she left the pub while three of her friends stayed behind, and she headed towards the Victoria line in the London Underground, which had recently started an all-night service on Fridays and Saturdays. Firstly, I have to say that…yeah, choosing the London Underground as a setting for a horror story makes a lot of sense, it is genuinely kind of terrifying in real life sometimes. But also…given what Jon says later on, I do have to wonder if this “all-night service” is actually a bit more sinister than what is let on, and if it’s more of a trap in this scenario…hm. I mean, sure, the service does exist in real life but…in this universe it’s a tad more strange. Anyways, Karolina finds that there’s no one else on the platform outside of a man with a shovel. Given what happens later, I have to wonder if this guy was either someone who ended up in the same situation as Karolina and managed to escape…or if he was the direct cause of it, the latter of which I find quite a bit more interesting. After quite a while though, the train finally pulls up, although Karolina notes that in retrospect, it was probably much more old and dusty than it should’ve been. She finds that she’s still the only person on the train, and after a while, when the silence becomes more eerie and oppressive than comforting, she noticed the adverts plastered across the car were covered in tight-packed soil and mud, as were the chairs, the floor, the windows, really everything. She decides to get off as soon as possible, but the train does not stop. …I know I called this statement more comedic than others, but honestly, this scenario would be fucking terrifying if it happened in real life. She tries to pull the emergency lever, but it breaks off, and eventually…the train actually stops for about twenty seconds. She then finally manages to get some of the doors forced open, finding that the tunnel…is actually just damp, bare earth instead of a manmade structure, and that she can’t get out through the side exits due to how close the earth is to the train. (Unrelated, but I find it kind of odd how the last statement also somewhat prominently featured a train now that I think about it.)

So, with no way out from the sides, Karolina decides to try and reach the front in hopes of getting help from a potential conductor. She then squeezes her way through the doors, hearing…a sound of immense strain on the metal that increases as she goes forwards, and eventually realizes that the train is slowly compressing in on itself. She figures that at this point, any potential driver would be dead, and that there’s absolutely no clear escape at this point. Weirdly though, she actually finds another person on the train, an old man with blue eyes and a grey beard, almost…stuck to the seat around him. He’s realized that there’s no way out at this point, and then digs his hand into Karolina’s skin, saying that there’s “not enough space to move, and never enough to breathe.” And after he lets go…Karolina makes her decision. Having fully accepted there’s no way out, she just…lays down, closes her eyes, and waits for it to be over, as the train compresses even further and the old man screams. And then…somehow, for…SOME reason…she wakes up on the platform at Walthamstowe Central, still alive. She…survived by just not giving a fuck. Due to the mud and dirt all over her, as well as the mark on her wrist where the old man grabbed her hand, this event obviously happened for real, but…she’s somehow not dead. And…that’s the end of her very brief statement. So uh…yeah. Let’s…talk about her in more detail I guess, as I think she’s probably the most important aspect of the episode.

I’ll start off by saying that the incident…in general, like, the whole creepy dreamlike station that takes you to a compressing ghost train…probably isn’t that important in the long run. Well, at the very least, I don’t have too much to say about it for the time being. It’s obviously related to the compression-aligned member of ✨the horrors✨ that shows up in episodes like Lost Johns’ Cave and Held in Customs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the man with the shovel that Karolina saw at the station was somehow responsible, but ultimately…I don’t think it matters too much. Jon does mention multiple people disappearing after heading to the Victoria line alone, including a man named Nicholas Lekman, presumably the man who Karolina was on the train with, and who is…unlikely to have actually gone to the station as his son says he was a severe claustrophobe. On top of that, there’s no footage of the people who disappeared ever arriving at the station so…yeah, a creepy fake dream dimension where a train tries to eat you is certainly scary, especially if you don’t ACTUALLY have to go to the station to end up there, is certainly pretty scary. It’s also…kind of Micheal-coded, but honestly…you could argue everything in this damn podcast is Micheal-coded if you wanted, and I highly doubt this actually relates to him, even if I would personally love that. Oh, and Jon does seem personally concerned since “Sasha” takes the line…oddly late at night for some reason, but like…I’m not complaining if SHE ends up there. But anyways, that’s enough rambling, what about Karolina? Well, before I delve into why I think she and her involvement with the train actually matters quite a bit, can I just say how much I love her? This woman survived by the sheer power of just…not having a single fuck to give. She was so unbothered by everything, so willing to die in what should’ve been the most traumatizing experience of her life…and that somehow allowed her to see the light of day. And then..when she gives the statement, she is just the most chill person imaginable. Like, as much as love stuff like Tessa’s 6-minute monologue at the beginning of Binary, the fact that Karolina just…immediately gets into it, not even asking for a follow-up at the end and remaining completely unbothered, probably only coming to the institute out of obligation…like what? How can you not love her?! she might just be the most powerful person in the entire podcast so far. I…most definitely have an affection for the statement givers who survive through the most ridiculous methods possible, I think Karolina would get along great with Joshua Gillespie. Actually…it’s funny I mention that because…well, I’ll get to THAT in a little bit. For now though…I want to talk about Karolina’s reaction to the scenario, and how she survived the whole thing, since I think it might actually provide some pretty relevant information when it comes to understanding ✨the horrors✨. Not on the levels of something like Thought for the Day for me…but it’s interesting.

I think the methods through which Karolina survived are…interesting. I’ve seen two possible explanations as to…how exactly taking a nap of all things allowed her to survive, both of which honestly have some decently strong arguments. I’ll start with the argument that I agree with a teensy bit more, which also happens to be the more simple of the two. The most simple explanation for Karolina’s survival is that…she simply just did not care, and whatever was tormenting her got bored, or in my interpretation…stopped working. I agree with this interpretation…mostly because it’s more simple and funny, which is almost never a reason to agree with a theory, especially when the other explanation has much more depth…but given how I think this episode is intended to be seen as pretty simple and comedic, I’ll make an exception just this once. And I mean..outside of the more meta reasons, I think this interpretation still works given both what I’ve seen so far, and what I’ve proposed. Going back to Joshua Gillespie for a second, he already showcases that…ignoring ✨the horrors✨, just simply minding your own business as much as possible…is a pretty valid strategy if you want to stay alive. And if that’s the case…then Jon, and to a lesser extent the entirety of the institute, are probably doomed given how much they dig into this shit. On top of that, I’ve proposed that ✨the horrors✨ are actually just fear incarnate, and if you run with that line of thinking…it would certainly explain why Karolina survived. Sure, she was somewhat unnerved and trying to escape at first, but there’s enough of a tangible difference between fear and survival instincts, and in the end..she just didn’t care. If ✨the horrors✨ are literally fear, and Karolina had no fear in that scenario, then maybe some sort of…error in the system occurred. (omg the simulation theory lives) If she stopped feeling that fear, the being trying to crush her to death just didn’t affect her at all, unlike with Mr. Lekman, whose claustrophobia ultimately killed him. So..yeah, this interpretation is probably my favorite…but the problem with it is that it doesn’t explain how for some reason…Karolina left the archives oddly dusty. This…at the very least suggests that she didn’t get out of the experience entirely unscathed, and that she might not be able to just…move on with her life as normal. Now, some people have suggested that maybe Karolina actually did die on the train, and that her ghost, or something akin to a ghost, was talking to Jon. I mean…it’s not impossible…but it’s also not really based on anything else that’s been shown in the rest of the podcast, nor is it that interesting in my opinion, and it doesn’t feel like there’s nearly enough to take away from that line of thinking in the grand scheme of things. Like…it’s not impossible, but I’m not that wowed by it.

I think a more likely explanation is that she was…”marked” by it, in a similar manner to that of people like Jane Prentiss, Jared Hopworth, Annabelle Cane and so on. Still though…I don’t entirely agree with this idea. I mean, I think it would be cool, and it definitely gives Karolina a better chance of coming back later on, which I would love…but it kind of goes against what I’ve been thinking so far. Firstly, the weirdest things about Karolina are that she leaves dust behind, and is…just so incredibly chill, the latter of which is unlikely to be paranormal. Meanwhile, other people marked by ✨the horrors✨ either possess crazy supernatural abilities like throwing people into an endless abyss, or are just…actual fucking monsters like Jared. On top of that, I’ve suggested before that people have to experience the fear associated with the horror they serve in order to get marked, and Karolina…really didn’t feel that. Now, something I neglected to mention (which in retrospect I really should have when talking about Thought for the Day), is that the fear…seemingly turns into adoration eventually. For example, Jane, while she initially feared The Flesh Hive, eventually came around to it, gaining more love and affection from the worms than she ever did from other people. Jared Hopworth now has a seemingly well-paying job due to his bone-turning abilities, Simon Fairchild seems to be having the time of his life as he throws people into the void, and..yeah, you get the picture. But while Karolina’s certainly at peace with her experience mentally…I don’t know, she’s not exactly enthralled by the idea of being compressed or anything. Like, she’s fine…but I doubt she’d ever wish to re-experience that either way. Ultimately…I think she was marked in a way where like…the powers of ✨the horrors✨ still linger in her soul to some extent, but she doesn’t have those deep connections, or crazy superpowers that all of the major weirdos so far have shown. This theory is far from terrible, I can still see it working…but I personally think it’s more likely that she survived by the raw power of “guess I’ll die”. I think this one also works slightly better tonally, as having her survive due to being chosen or whatever…I don’t know, I just don’t feel like that works as well with the general vibe being presented here, but maybe that’s just me. Overall though… I think this is pretty relevant information! I feel like the major takeaway here is that if you’re any to survive…just ignore it all! Which…probably means I’d die if I were in this universe but who cares! Hooray for new information! …Ok, there is…actually one other thing I feel is worth mentioning, and it actually does connect to the train itself. As I said earlier, I don’t think the creepy train thing will actually matter in the long run, and that Karolina’s interaction with it is what really matters..but I do think the train might explain something else, if kind of slightly? So, everyone remembers the coffin from Do Not Open and Hard Shoulder, right? Well, I already said that Karolina got me thinking about the absolute chad that is Joshua Gillespie, and…then I started thinking about how the train basically acted like a metaphorical coffin for Karolina…and how coffins are tight spaces, and how it’s not actually clear whether you immediately die or not if you enter the coffin due to how Daisy’s old partner went inside…so…I’m wondering if the coffin is somehow aligned with the compression. I think I…still like the idea of a bajillion spiders in there a bit more, and given the scratching and moaning (the latter of which is admittedly a bit similar to how Karolina describes the sound of the train), I definitely think that whatever is in there is at least…a somewhat alive being. There’s also the fact that Joshua escaped the coffin by waking up, and Karolina escaped it by going to sleep, which is a notable difference (although I guess sleep is a recurring motif there)…but it’s an interesting thought, no matter the answer.

So uh…yeah, that sure was Underground. I’m just…honestly kind of surprised by how much I ended up liking this one in the end. Usually, the more simple, short episodes, while never bad by any margin for me…do fall towards the latter end of my liking. Like, they’re still enjoyable, but I have much more fun with the longer episodes that are more complicated, emotional and lore-heavy, most of the time at least. Like, for example, I’m pretty sure my least favorite episode in the entire story so far remains as The Man Upstairs, and it’s mostly a process of elimination deal, but…now that I think about it, I think my problem might’ve been that despite the plot being “guy nails meat to his apartment walls”, it feels like it’s being treated just as seriously as everything else. Like sure, I think I recall Jon commenting on the ridiculousness of the scenario, but it’s in the same manner that Season 1 Jon calls EVERY statement ridiculous. And…I think that’s why I like this one so much. It’s not afraid to call itself out on how it’s both really simple in comparison to most other things, and honestly kind of absurd. It’s well aware that it’s not super serious…and I’m surprised yet delighted to say that this single, lighthearted element makes me really like this one! And even outside of that, the episode still came with an admittedly pretty scary scenario, a really memorable protagonist, and at least from my perspective, some surprisingly intriguing implications. So yeah…I really liked it! I know it might sound like an ironic liking, but even if some of the enjoyment comes from the absurdity, I swear that I have a very genuine appreciation for this one. Well anyways, all of that aside for a moment, we do have the matter of Jon’s post-statement and supplemental. I’ve already discussed most of the post-statement, although I felt like I should just bring attention back to how Not!Sasha is staying as late as she is. That doesn’t really tell me much, it’s just…really fucking concerning is all. But as for the supplemental…well, this one is actually quite interesting. Jon’s been making it much further down into the tunnels recently, which is both concerning and exciting, but as he does so…he’s noticing that there’s more and more normal trash down there. This has led him to come to the conclusion that whatever’s down there is at the very least human-like…and I find that very interesting. I assumed it was a lot more eldritch and monstrous in nature, but while this doesn’t necessarily narrow down any suspects for me…it does tell me what I should avoid looking for, at the very least. I also find it interesting how there’s a very likely possibility that this…person(?) is the one responsible for using the compression powers on Jon in Too Deep, especially since…that’s exactly what this episode dealt with. I mean, given the mystery of how this person is getting their supplies, it might not necessarily be impossible for them to leave the tunnels…so who knows? Maybe this person is the man with the shovel? …I don’t know, admittedly it’s hard to find leads when it comes to this mystery…even if I’m still a little bit curious about that page Mary gave Gertrude, and it’s whereabouts…If the person ends up being Gertrude’s ghost I’m actually going to flip. Oh, and mentioning her, Jon also brings up the possibility of her being killed by more than one person, which I find interesting. It could be a red herring, but I have thrown out the idea of it being a group like The Divine Host or The Lightless Flame before so…that’s interesting. Oh, and lastly, Jon mentions that he’s going to halt exploration until he can get some police assistance from Basira, which is honestly great news! Even though I’m dying to know who and what is down there, it’s good to know that he’s being cautious with the exploration, and that Basira hasn’t just entirely peaced out, since that makes the idea of more of Gertrude’s tapes a lot more likely. So uh…yeah! Underground! …I’m still so in awe of Karolina. What an unbothered queen…

Supplemental: Wow, that was…longer than expected. Anyways, there’s been a couple of other things running through my head recently. For one, I was thinking a bit more about the whole situation with Tim at the end of Binary. I felt like I kind of brushed over it in my last post due to…all of the other shit that episode presented, but the more I think about it…THAT’S GENUINELY KIND OF TERRIFYING?! Just…like, I’m less concerned by what’s keeping him (and presumably…everyone) there than I am the mere fact that you CAN’T. LEAVE. The idea of being trapped in a job that’s gotten as dangerous as this one is…genuinely a horrific thought, and just…IS HE OK?! IS HE HOLDING UP WELL?! DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW ABOUT THIS?! I DON’T…OH GOD. Well…anyways, on another note, I was thinking more about ✨the horrors✨, as I always do, but more specifically, I was thinking about their…humanization. What I mean by that is that, in my last post, I kind of suggested that maybe they were more human, or at least human-adjacent in how they function, than I initially assumed, due to Gertrude suggesting that The End was a “who”. But since I also proposed the idea that ✨the horrors✨ were fear incarnate in Thought for the Day (Istg that episode will haunt me for the rest of my life), which is a lot more…abstract, I kind of want to give an update on that idea. I personally think it’s…up in the air. A lot of ✨the horrors✨ I’ve established are more…environmental, like the darkness, the compression, The Vast, so on and so forth, but then you have ones like The Piper and…possibly The Anglerfish, which are much more humanoid in design, and then there’s…Micheal, who’s this sort of weird middle ground that clearly possesses a consciousness and personality, as well as a…somewhat human figure, but also identities as a “what”, and is…apparently synonymous with his weird backrooms dimension. So ultimately…I’m still kind of unsure on how human-like these things are, I think I’m leaning towards abstract concepts overall…but I’ll just have to wait and see. Or not! Maybe I’ll never get answers, who knows?! Well…that’s all for now. I’m going to go to sleep now, since that’s apparently a very effective way to not die.

- Episode 72, Takeaway 🥓

Statement of Craig Goodall, regarding his explorations of an abandoned chicken and kebab shop in Walthamstow.

To quote our beloved Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London….“hm. More meat.” You know, when the phrase “meat-based horror” pops into my head whenever I think about tma, I always feel like that should be something that only scares like…HARDCORE vegans (it’s the internet, you know exactly the kinds of people I’m talking about), and then I actually listen to the meat episodes and they’re genuinely really unnerving. So on that note, yeah I really liked this one! I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a bit of strange affection for restaurants as horror set-pieces, so I knew I was going to like this one right out of the gate. And this one absolutely delivered on its premise! I thought it was really well paced, had some extremely vivid and…somewhat squirm-inducing scenes and imagery that were executed horrifically well, and while it might not be the biggest episode of all time in regards to lore, it does expand upon and kind of…tie together a lot of the themes in the more body horror-esque episodes that have shown up in the past, and it also brings back a plot point that I…honestly almost completely forgot about for a brief moment. So yeah, there’s not much more to add, so uh…time for another episode about consuming things that should not be consumed I guess.

Ok, I should start off with a brief yet important note. Obviously, this episode opens with…quite the interesting and relevant scene, taking place before the statement even begins. For the time being though…I’m going to ignore that. Not only because the supplemental this time was very brief and connects directly to the opening, but also because said opening is entirely unconnected to everything else in this episode…and also drives me into much more of a panic, so…I’ll go over it at the end of the episode. All I’ll say for now is…JON. HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU READ A STATEMENT NOW OF ALL TIMES?! YOUR ASSOCIATE IS POTENTIALLY DEAD AND YOU GO “OH NO, ANYWAYS” ON HER?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Like…I guess his voice sounded debatably more shaky than it usually is but….dude! Sort your priorities out! I understand that she’s…probably somewhere very far away but COME. ON. Well…what about the statement? So, this statement comes from a curious man named “Craig Goodall”. Yeah, apparently much like “Antonio Blake”, this guy is a statement giver who’s faking his identity. For what reasons, I have no idea, but it’s enough to make me suspect that he…might come back in the future. You know, it’s kind of scary to think about these statement givers with fake identities, since for all we know, they could return at any moment, maybe even showing up before they gave their statement…and we’d have no idea unless they directly revealed said identity. …I don’t like that thought. Anyways, regardless of his identity…Craig absolutely kills it! I mean…he’s not particularly remarkable overall, but any guy who confesses to most likely being a cannibal at the very beginning of the episode is at least kind of memorable to me. And…yeah, I guess I should cover that. So, Craig was a somewhat common customer to a local takeaway called Waltham Express Grill, which served chicken, kebab, burgers and all sorts of meats. The owner was a man named John Haan, who was accused of murdering his wife in 2004, and…well, selling the dismembered body parts as meats, only saying “meat is meat” as he was arrested. So…yeah, given his status as a regular there when the place was more than an abandoned ghost story…there’s a very good chance that Craig ate some of Mr. Haan’s wife. Well…I appreciate his honesty. Craig…actually gives some pretty interesting insight into cannibalism as a concept that I had never really thought about before. Obviously he’s against murdering people, or only eating people when there’s so much meat out there, but like…he’s not exactly against the concept of eating human flesh if he has to. Like, the actual act of doing so is fine to him, since there’s no more of a difference between human and animal meat than there is a difference between like…pork and fish, it’s just that consuming human meat is a lot more morally questionable. And like…I honestly have to agree with this take. Obviously, I’m not a cannibal, but like…I don’t know, if it does apparently taste like pork then…I’m fine with it. I mean, my relationship with non-human meat is already one where I don’t particularly care for it (or…most food in general now that I think about it), but I’ll still eat it to stay alive…and I honestly don’t see it being much different with human meat. If I was given nothing to eat outside of human carcasses, I’d eat the caracasses, ok? …ah, sorry for the rambling. I just like it when tma makes me think about weird shit. Going back to the actual story, it’s not surprise that after Mr. Haan was arrested (I’m kind of dumbfounded by how the amount of Micheals are seen as more meme-worthy than the amount of Johns btw), the old takeaway became abandoned, since no one wanted to buy a former cannibal restaurant. Still though, Craig stayed around, never leaving the neighborhood, even though he was reminded of his potential cannibalism every time he walked past the place.

As time went on, the place became more and more disheveled without care…but there were a few times where the ever-curious Craig would poke his head through the cracks in the metal sheets that covered the windows…and would find that it looked far too clean to be abandoned. Already this reminded me of another meaty statement, since this was very similar to how Gregory Pryor described Jared Hopworth’s…. “butcher shop”, if you can call it that. I don’t think they’re actually connected in the sense that Jared is familiar with the takeaway, but it’s a…somewhat notable similarity at the least. Anyways, on a particularly gloomy and rainy day, as Craig was walking past the abandoned ruins of Waltham Express Grill, he heard…a sound. It sounded like something small and light had hit the ground inside…and then he heard quiet laughter. He also noticed that the window was slightly ajar, and that’s when he figured that someone was inside, and decided to call the police. Ultimately, all they found was a teenage boy with a spray paint can, and they just let him off with a warning. So that’s…understandable, but then one of the cops drops the can on the ground, and leaves it behind split open…and pouring blood red paint. Now, this could theoretically just be some standard ominous imagery…but I honestly doubt it. Given what we later learn is actually inside the takeaway, as well as the source of the laughter…I do not think that the teenager was ok. I’m pretty sure that kid had some sort of nasty experience…and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was really blood in that spray paint can. Well…either way, Craig doesn’t sleep very well that night, his mind still on what happened back there, manifesting in the form of some freaky, bloody nightmares. He ultimately makes the foolish decision to head back, calling a friend of his with a penchant for urban exploration and housebreaking, Leroy Yates, to come help him if he doesn’t check in within an hour or so. And…this is the part where the episode makes me queasy. Like I said, I am not exactly scared of meat on its own, but mutilation…yeah, that’s…no thank you. The human body is already pretty weird and disgusting on its own to me, and this episode doesn’t make me like it much more, but I guess that’s a good thing for a horror podcast to strive for. Regardless, Craig manages to squeeze his way through the gaps in the metal and get inside the takeaway, seemingly inside a storeroom. All perishable items had been removed from the place, but…everything else was still there, the equipment somehow looking shiny and new. He eventually discovers a freezer marked by the teenager’s…what I hope is paint. Craig assumes that he was trying to spell out John Haan’s iconic “MEAT IS MEAT” phrase, but only had time to write “MEAT IS ME”…but once again, given the weird shit going on in the takeaway, I have to wonder….oh god. Thankfully, nothing is inside the freezer…but then Craig hears that same quiet laughter. He looks to his feet and finds a pale Chinese man with a terrifying grin staring at him. Now, while this man is never named, we have every reason to assume that he is supposed to be Tom Haan, the exact same man who worked at the Aver Meats abattoir in the episode Killing Floor. Because I mean…who else is it going to be? I’ll discuss my thoughts on him, as well as what his presence here ultimately means in a bit, as I do think he’s the most important aspect of the episode, but for now I’m just establishing his name so I don’t have to call him…“the man”, or something stupid like that. Well, regardless of his name, it’s clear that this guy is an absolute psycho because he…cuts through Craig’s Achilles tendon with bolt cutters. …I’m not going to lie, that…really got to me. That is a PAINFUL fucking place to get butchered. Just…just no. Well, agony aside, this injury causes Craig to knock his head on the counter, and he blacks out. And it only gets weirder from here…I guess…

So, after his blackout, Craig finds himself on the upper floor of the takeaway, bound to a wooden floor with cable ties, noting that his ankle was throbbing with pain, but…not as much as he expected it to. He saw that around him were chipped teacups, old bibles, “oddly textured” candles, and…a whole pile of human fingers. …oh dear. Tom Haan then walked into the room, shirtless and painfully thin-looking, while chewing…something that I’d rather not have the answer to in his mouth, and carrying a butcher’s knife. And…when he starts talking, we get the funniest part of the episode. Craig notes that he was surprised to learn Tom could speak English, and that despite the fact he was about to be brutally dismembered, he felt bad about thinking something low-key racist. …you can see why I like him, right? Like, that’s just kind of funny. Well, comedy aside, Tom just shows more and more psychopathic tendencies. He cuts off three of Craig’s fingers, and starts skimming through the pile of old bibles, talking nonsense about how Christians both Ho lured disregarded the body, something about souls…so on and so forth. This…oddly Christian undertone that’s associated with cannibals has shown up many times before, although…it’s kind of weird the more I think about it? Like, neither he nor Eustace Wick actually seem to be Christian, but seem to use Christian-sequel practices when worshiping their…weird meat god thing, possibly in a derogatory way given what Tom says. And…I guess that could explain why Edwin Burroughs was so heavily mistreated by god-knows-what for being Catholic, and then forced to eat human flesh…I don’t know, it’s a really weird situation where it feels like these guys are…stealing Christian practices, both for their own gain and out of disrespect. And then you have Jared, who seemingly connects to the same body horror being, but has no Christian imagery whatsoever? Maybe because his transformation into The Boneturner was a lot more…involuntary? But it’s not like we know how Tom or Eustace started serving this power anyways so…eh? I don’t know, it’s a curious theme, but a weird one. (Also uh…this is probably very obvious, but no, I don’t think this Tom is the same as Not!Sasha’s boyfriend, they seem entirely separate all things considered.) Well, enough rambling. Right before Tom is about to chop another piece of Craig off, Leroy Yates shows up and barrels into him, using the butcher’s knife to free Craig. It’s then that…what is actually the only…technically paranormal thing in this statement comes to fruition. Craig notices that his ankle, his fingers…they’re present. They’re fine. The pieces that were cut off (which is obviously very Piecemeal-core), are still there…but he has a fresh new set of flesh in its place. But before he can say anything about this, he notices that one of the candles had been pushed onto the bibles…and the entire place gets set ablaze. Craig and Leroy flee the scene, and Tom’s fate is left uncertain, at least to them. So…yeah! Takeaway! Overall this was a great episode, I think my favorite aspect about it was how it wasn’t even explicitly paranormal up until the very end, and despite that, it managed to feel just as creepy, ominous and disgusting as every other much more…clearly unnatural episode in the story so far. The setting was executed perfectly, and while it’s not the most lore-heavy episode to date, it still gave a pretty nice extended look at the body horror and it’s strange Christian undertones, and also some very relevant information regarding the previously elusive Tom Haan. And…yeah, I guess I should discuss him in more detail now.

Up until this point, Tom Haan only had one appearance in an episode, and that was Killing Floor. Now, the statement in this episode was given in 2013, so that basically confirms that Tom survived the fire that burnt down Waltham Express Grill. To give a brief recap, he was seen in this episode working at the Aver Meats industrial abattoir alongside the protagonist David Laylow, who had decided to quit his job on the killing floor after he started to have thoughts of humans and animals being the same kind of meat. Tom approached David on his final day at the killing floor, telling him he “could not stop slaughter by closing the door”, which I interpret as him saying “it doesn’t matter if you leave, these animals will still die”. David later found himself in a liminal-dream like space, where he almost walked into a meat grinder at one point…and was later forced to shoot Tom Haan with a bolt gun by Tom himself. After he did that he managed to escape. Now, it is entirely possible that Tom died here, I believe Tom’s whole goal when seemingly throwing David into this…weird sort of dream abattoir was to force him to keep on viewing humans and animals alike as nothing more than meat, which definitely fits…the family ideology that seems to be upheld in Takeaway. And you know, having to kill another human with a bolt gun you usually use to kill animals would certainly get the point across. But…I’m not entirely convinced. Tom is said to have left the abattoir in the middle of a shift, later completely vanishing, and then there’s the fact that the whole scenario was kind of…vision-like, the fact that Tom’s power’s apparently still affect the place to this day, and also the fact that…as much as he seems to be very ideal-driven, I doubt Tom would sacrifice his own life if it meant one random guy viewing humans as meat, that just seems like kind of a waste. So…I personally think that he’s still out there, and that the version Mr. Laylow shot with the bolt gun was just some sort of…vision he conjured up. But hey, he might actually be dead for real, I’m just spitballing here. I would also like to note some…odd similarities to other characters he shows here. I think similarities to people who obviously have this…body horror motif going on are pretty obvious (so like, Jared Hopworth, Eustace Wick, Angela from Piecemeal, so on and so forth), but…he has some weird similarities to other people as well. The way that saying a weird phrase threw Mr. Laylow into some sort of hell dimension really reminds me of how Simon Fairchild saying “enjoy sky blue” threw Robert Kelly into the endless sky. That could potentially just be a running theme among all of these people with creepy superpowers, but then you have the…really weird similarities to Micheal. Yes. I’m doing it again. Until I get answers I refuse to exclude him from discussion. But…in all seriousness, I do have to wonder if there’s something going on here. Both of them lure people into liminal space hell dimensions (which oddly enough, is a trait that Tom doesn’t exhibit in Takeaway), and while Tom comes off as kind of cold to me in Killing Floor…I don’t know, in Takeaway it felt like he exuded that same cryptic, unhinged creepy smile energy as Micheal. …yeah I’m well aware I’m insane but what else am I supposed to do? NOT talk about the funny big hand man? …I mean yeah probably but THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT. So…anyways. That’s about all of the information and weird details I could muster from Tom’s previous appearance…but what about the new lore this episode gave us? …I should’ve probably discussed this earlier, god I’m so sorry.

Ok…so, I should start off by explaining what little we know of Tom’s past. How exactly this man became a meat freak remains unknown, but I’m going to assume that it’s a sort of…lineage based thing, in a similar vein to how all of The Fairchilds likely serve The Vast, and how…most of The Lukas Family has this desire to isolate, minus Evan. I assume this, because we learn at the end of the episode that nine months before his incarceration, John Haan (who is revealed to be Tom’s uncle), let the rest of his staff at Waltham Express Grill go, and left it to Tom, explaining how and why he was hanging out there. I think this was done because John also served this meat-related power, and wanted the takeaway (which I’m starting to assume is some sort of…holy ground) to be in the hands of someone who was also devoted to the power, rather than any of his employees, who we know all thought John was just a normal guy before the cannibalism, meaning they were unlikely to be in touch with the weird meat shit, going on the assumption that their testimonies are true. So…yeah, that probably explains why Tom moved over from China to Walthamstow. His uncle wanted him to continue the…”family business”, if you can call it that. Now, I really don’t have much else to say about Tom when it comes to his motivations, or anything of the sort. He’s obviously dismembering people because he’s a cannibal, and also because he worships some sort of meat god via Christian and Eucharist-like practices. There’s…not really much more to add here, until further notice I think he’s pretty easy to explain. But…what’s really interesting to me are his abilities. All of the body horror people have had pretty different powers. Jared can turn people’s bones, Eustace could seemingly make corpses speak in an attempt to get others to eat them, even after his own death, and Angela has that weird…body part loss and regeneration curse thing going on. Tom though is…a lot more curious. I’ve already mentioned his odd, Micheal’s Backrooms-esque abilities shown in Killing Floor, which this episode doesn’t shed much light on unfortunately. What this episode does show however is a regeneration ability, one not too dissimilar to that of Angela. Obviously, even after getting three of his fingers and his Achilles’ tendon chopped off, Craig found that he maintained those body parts. I really see no one else but Tom being capable of this…and I feel like that might explain what he’s actually doing. I don’t think Tom…actually kills his victims, I think it’s much more likely that he spends time cutting off pieces of them, regenerating and cutting again, and maybe even lets them leave afterwards. I have a feeling that given the…somewhat ominous circumstances surrounding him, that kid was likely one of Tom’s victims, being used to gain a number of parts until Tom got bored and let him go. But there is…one other notable thing about Tom’s abilities, one that might actually explain one of the most polarizing and mysterious episodes in the entire podcast so far.

You see, I initially assumed that the episode called Thrown Away connected back to Anatomy Class, but thanks to some insights from the YouTube Comments…I have second thoughts. If you don’t recall, this episode deals with mysterious trash bags containing excess amounts of strange items. Three of these items (doll heads, a copper heart and human teeth) are either body part-esque or just straight up body parts, which is definitely fitting for Tom. Interestingly, it’s noted that all of the teeth were…seemingly replicas of the exact same tooth, and that would certainly work if we assumed that Tom pulled out a tooth, and kept on regenerating it and pulling it out again. (That is…an absolute nightmare now that I think about it.) The second bag also contained charred Latin bible verses, and I mean…he did get his old bibles set on fire so…yeah that checks out. Basically, the argument is that the trash bags on 93 Lancaster Road were all left behind by Tom Haan, which also makes him Alan Parfitt’s murderer. I think for the time being, that makes the most sense when trying to explain Thrown Away. So…yeah, that’s about all I have to say on Tom Haan for the moment. Pretty cool character, I hope to see more of him.

Well, that’s about all I have to say regarding the main statement, and…some other potential connections. So what about the post-statement and supplemental. And…the pre-statement for that matter. Well, we do have a few small details regarding Craig’s story from Jon. Well…there’s actually only one thing that I haven’t mentioned here. Apparently, the remains of Lanying, John Haan’s wife, lacked any notable defensive wounds, and some of them seemed almost self-inflicted. I take this to mean that Lanying likely committed suicide, although I doubt John was entirely uninvolved. I think the most likely explanation is that both of them were meat freaks, and while John did deal some damage to her, it was ultimately consensual on her part, and she probably wounded herself a bit too. …I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse about the whole scenario. But disregarding all of that…I really ought to touch on how the episode begins and ends. So, at the beginning of the episode, Jon gets a call from Basira, who is…god knows where honestly. And apparently, her and a number of other members of Section 31 have been sent to arrest…MAXWELL FUCKING RAYNER?! HELLO?! …LIKE RIGHT NOW?! HE-HE’S ACTUALLY FUCKING HERE?! SINCE WHEN?! Oh god…things really ARE heating up now. So yeah…Rayner is still around apparently, and for…whatever reason and under whatever circumstances, the police have found him. I’m just…HUH?! Like, I expected him, and The Divine Host as a whole to make a more direct appearance eventually but…I just didn’t expect it to happen…now of all times. But you know what, despite that, and despite the raw terror this puts me in…I’m REALLY excited by this. The whole Divine Host plot is really intriguing to me, it’s such an interesting look at the life-ruining effects of cults to me, and the whole aesthetic is really cool as well. So having the ever-elusive Maxwell Rayner seemingly make his in-person debut…OH HO HO HO HO. I’m stoked. But…I’m also horrified. You see, Jon advises Basira to bring torches (which I initially interpreted as the American version of a torch because I have yet to be fully Britishified by my extended family) in order to combat Rayner’s darkness. But right after he does so, static starts creeping in, and Basira is cut off. And…the static isn’t the regular ambient static that shows up in most episodes, it’s much more akin to the audio distortions that play when Not!Sasha and Micheal are around, so…oh god. Much like Jon, I…really hope that she’s ok. And unlike Jon, I hope that if Daisy’s there, she’s also ok. (don’t listen to him, he just hates to see a girlboss winning.) Well…given that the next episode is literally called “Police Lights” I’m sure I’ll know what happens soon enough…but I’m still pretty worried. …oh my darkness. Things are..definitely about to get hectic, I can feel it.

Supplemental: God I’m just…I’m so fucking sorry. This- this episode was about MEAT. It was about fucking human flesh of all things and I somehow managed to write all of that. I’m just. What. What the hell is even wrong with me at this point. I would say I’d try and make things more brief…but like, I’m in too deep to back out now, this podcast is my everything and I. Can’t. Stop. TALKING ABOUT IT! Send help. Or don’t. It’s not like it’ll make much of a difference, for I will still be insane about this. Oh, one other thing, I was re-listening to those static noises I mentioned, and…I realize they kind of reflect whatever’s showing up pretty well. Not!Sasha’s is high pitched and the faintest, hiding in the background. Micheal’s is all squiggly and choppy, you can’t really get a good idea of it. And the darkness is really loud and oppressive, almost…all-consuming. I just think the podcast has some really clever audio editing, and thought it was worth appreciating.

- Episode 73, Police Lights ⚫️

Statement of Police Constable Basira Hussain, regarding the attempted arrest of Maxwell Rayner. Statement taken direct from subject.

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. HE JUST. HE JUST FUCKING DIED. LIKE. THREE SHOTS AND HE’S DEAD. I CAN’T. HUH?! NO GODDAMN WAY. NO. THIS DOES NOT END HERE. THERE’S TOO MANY UNSOLVED MYSTERIES. THE DIVINE HOST WILL LIVE ON. I CAN’T EVEN COMPREHEND THIS. I JUST. AJSJJSJDJEJEKEKKEKEKLELELELLELELELEL. …So um…wow. This was…yeah, this was quite an episode. I…I really don’t know how to feel about this one if I’m being honest. Not in the sense of like, I don’t know whether or not I like it, because I’m pretty certain I do. It advanced the plot in really interesting ways and is making my head spin in a lot of different directions, which if you know me, you’d know is like…the best thing an episode of tma can do for me. It’s just…the turns it took are really surprising to me, and…I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit worried. I’ll delve into it a bit more later on, but like…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find what happens to Rayner a little bit concerning for the future. This is one of the few instances so far of a statement-only plot…kind of entering the main story that affects the characters we’re personally familiar with, and…as long as this isn’t where things end, I’m totally fine…but I’m just a little concerned. I mean, I overall doubt this is where the entire Divine Host story ends given just…how many mysteries there still are, but…sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. I will delve into it a bit later, but just know that provided I assume the best going into the future…this was an absolutely killer episode. It REALLY does feel like we’re in proper season finale territory right now, and even if the inclusion of this storyline at now of all times was pretty surprising…I’m getting super excited regardless. Sorry I’m just…I feel like I’m trying to get all my thoughts out right now because there’s just SO much…but I’ll make sure to take it one step at a time. So um…I guess I’ll just start then!

Edit: I’ll explain it soon enough but…oh it is so not over. It is SO not over. OHOHOHOHOHOHO IT IS SO NOT OVER!!!

Ok so starting off: THANK GOD BASIRA SURVIVED. I mean, I got the sense that I wasn't going to be left hanging for too long after the phone call from last episode, given how the episode is literally called "Police Lights" but like...I was genuinely worried here. I think it was mostly due to the fact that her and Jon had been pretty distanced for a while, and like...it just felt like a time where they could kill her off, you know? And given where she ends up at the end of the episode, I have to wonder if...maybe that idea was something that Jonny considered at one point, but I really can't be sure. Well, regardless, what matters is that she's ok. Well...she's ok as she can be after that experience. It's really interesting to see Basira, who's been one of the most mellow people in the entire podcast so far, end up as distraught as she is here. It kind of feels like she parallels the archival staff in this way, having had minor paranormal or...just slightly strange things happen to her, before coming face to face with something much greater than she could've anticipated, (The Divine Host in her case, The Prentiss attack in the institute's case), and it leaves her changed and shaken. She's silently mourning the loss of a colleague, clearly pissed off at how the force plans to handle things...and yet she's still so quiet. It's just...a really good show of how dire the situation has gotten now. But uh...yeah, cutting to the chase, Basira had a rather nasty encounter with Maxwell Rayner and other members of his cult. As I alluded to earlier, I'm...honestly surprised that they're showing up so prominently at...now of all times. Currently, I'm kind of working on the assumption that this episode is just a tease for the time being, and that The Divine Host will come back in a greater force that we get to see in person later on, but...it's still kind of peculiar to me. I've assumed that Season 2 is building up to a finale that centers on topics like Not!Sasha, the tunnels and The End, but...maybe I should add The Divine Host to that list? I mean, I've already thrown them out as a possible Gertrude killer, even if I think there's some noticeable holes in that argument, but like...even then, I think another thing that the Season 2 finale will draw attention to is the paranormal nature of The Magnus Institute, and that seems to center around the eyes, and The Divine Host has a closed eye for a symbol which suggests some sort of rivalry so...MAYBE?! I guess only time will tell, but...it would be very interesting if they somehow play a much greater role in the finale than I expected. Either way though, I'm really happy that more light is being shed on them (uh...metaphorically, not really literally), because I've always found them really compelling, and thought that they've given some fantastic episodes in the past, so...yeah, I love their inclusion here either way. But uh...enough preamble. Let's just get into the statement, because oh boy...I am happy to announce that there is some LORE here!

So, starting from the top. It all began on the previous day, when Basira, Daisy (who was oddly absent from this episode despite Jon mentioning her in his last supplemental), and a number of other sectioned officers were called to deal with the case of a kidnapped 12-year old named Callum Brodie. Now, this kid isn't present for much of the statement and doesn't really do a ton, outside of being traumatized which is...yeah fair enough actually, but there's actually something really interesting about him to me. So, for reasons I'll explain later, I decided to scroll through the wiki articles for all of the previous episodes with significant involvement from The Divine Host (while avoiding spoilers of course), and when stumbling upon Exceptional Risk, I found that the protagonist of that episode, Philip Brown, had an ex-wife named Caroline Brodie. I guess this COULD be a coincidence, given how many Micheals and Johns there are, but given how both statements deal with the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and how Jon strangely drew significant attention to Caroline and her divorce despite her...not being seemingly significant whatsoever, outside of her existence further proving that Philip Brown was a massive dick...I definitely think he's supposed to be her son. But...this is pretty interesting from a lore perspective. You see, I have reasons as to why I think The Divine Host kidnapped a child in the first place, but it was kind of difficult to pinpoint...why Callum Brodie was chosen specifically. But the thing is...if Philip Brown really is his dad, then both of them have dealt with the exact same forces. This could just be a thematic thing going on, but like...really, what are the odds that the kid you abduct just happens to come from a guy you previously traumatized 15 years ago? ...So what if it wasn't a coincidence. If Gerard's words in Lost in the Crowd are anything to go off of, then people who have had paranormal experiences can get "marked", some seemingly in more potent ways than others. So like...does this imply that when you get "marked", it's...like a disease of some kind? Like, people you're close to get haunted by the same thing as you? But that's really weird to me, because like...if Callum is 12 years old right now, and Caroline left Philip in 2004, then chances are she was at least in early pregnancy, and at most, Callum was a VERY young baby. So...the chances of his dad's curse following him seem kind of weird...and I hope to god that this isn't some sort of...paranormal sex thing like with Squirm. (I am so sorry for putting that image in your mind holy fuck.) I'm...probably reading too much into this, but I feel like there HAS to be a reason for Callum Brodie being chosen specifically, especially since The Divine Host was stationed pretty far away from where he lived, so they definitely weren't content with any other child. Uh...fuck I've been rambling again. Back to Basira!

So yeah, her, Daisy and the other officers are pretty surprised to have been called in for a kidnapping case that doesn't seem all that paranormal, but they got the sense that something was off soon enough, especially with the presence of a counter-terrorist firearms squad. They basically got a short briefing, explaining how Callum had been found in the captivity of one Maxwell Rayner, and how that name led to obvious suspicion of cult involvement. Interestingly, it was while the rescue team was in the van when Basira decided to call Jon, and he advised her to bring as many torches as possible. I find this peculiar, because if you recall, there was another creepy static noise that cut her off, and I initially assumed that was Rayner or...just the darkness in general, and while that could still be the case in theory (especially given the sort of...all-consuming nature the darkness exhibits)...I'm honestly not...AS convinced as I was. I think I'll still run with it for simplicity's sake, but it didn't sound like Basira was really near the hideout when she made that call so...I wonder if the thing that cut her off might've been something else. I'll...keep it in mind just in case. Anyways, with a number of torches in hand, the team started their explorations of the two-story industrial complex in Harringay where Callum was suspected to be held. Interestingly, this building was said to be owned by a company called...Outer Bay Shipping. This group, which according to Jon seems to be a shell corporation of some kind, has only been once before, very briefly in Growing Dark. Apparently, (at least in the world of tma), they basically own the small Norwegian town of Ny-Ålesund, which you might recall as being the same one that's home to Optical Solutions Ltd., the group that provided the...cut cameras for Daedalus. Now, given their clear connection to Ny-Ålesund, it definitely seems like The Divine Host has...some sort of arrangement with Outer Bay. My best guess is that they might be meant to transport members of The Divine Host to Ny-Ålesund. (which now that I mention it...I kind of wonder if they're familiar with The Tundra? I mean, The Lukas Family and The Divine Host are implied to be familiar in Personal Space so...maybe?) And on that note...I...kind of find it weird that The Divine Host is even stationed in England at the moment. Natalie Ennis previously implied that they were making...some sort of movement, in what would've been March of 2015, and I assumed that was a migration to Ny-Ålesund due to them chanting its name in Hither Green Chapel, and...them just having a general reason to be there due to the longer nights. But...no, they're still here. Honestly, as interesting as I find them, it's really hard to figure out what the goals or motives of The Divine Host even are, outside of worshipping darkness and...fucking everything up I guess. Oh, uh..back to Basira.

So, each sectioned officer was paired up with one from the firearms squad, something apparently breaching the protocol to a massive degree, which just showed how serious this mission was. Basira was partnered with an officer named Goodman, and the two of them took to exploring the loading dock at the back of the building. They noticed that the street lights were a lot dimmer than they should've been, everything that wasn't directly underneath them being shrouded in darkness. They eventually made their way inside, finding the place decently well-lit, and filled with boxes that...didn't really contain anything especially remarkable. And...that's when a scream was heard. The scream seemingly came from a figure that Basira described as dressed head-to-toe in a black leotard, although...I don't necessarily think this was some ordinary Divine Host member. Not only is their outfit decently different from what we see other members wear later on, but Basira described the scream as...almost animal-like. I find this relevant, because I suggested that the darkness itself was more like a beast of some kind after Exceptional Risk. This makes me think that the person wasn't just a human dressed in all-black, but rather some sort of...humanoid manifestation of the darkness. ...And I get the sense that could be relevant to a theory of mine, not exactly sure in what way but...I'll get to that soon enough. Then again...the figure did seemingly bleed when Goodman shot it, and there are other weird clothes in this episode so...maybe I'm off the mark. Well, either way, Goodman shot the figure, leaving Basira's ears filled with a high-pitched whine for a while, but they still tried to push upstairs after searching the lower floor. But before she could follow, Goodman tugged on her arm to reveal two other nearby officers. One of them was a trigger-happy member of the firearms squad Basira didn't recognize, and the other was Leo Altman, another sectioned officer who Basira was somewhat familiar with. The two of them had discovered a basement that wasn't mentioned in the briefing, and...well, they really had no choice but to go down. And when they did...they discovered the most horrifying thing of all. ...an accidental Deltarune reference. Like, come on. Darkness leaking out of a door as if it were light? Photon readings negative? That's literally just Deltarune. And I absolutely love it. But in all seriousness, Basira mentions that a sound came from behind the door, one that sounded like a crashing waterfall slowed right down. That...does actually sound pretty similar to the static from the phone call, so...yeah, the darkness intercepting her makes more sense to me. Anyways, they open the basement door, and...well yeah, everything goes dark as expected. Thankfully, the officers were able to turn on their torches, but they only illuminated a small area around them, the darkness being thick and oppressive. Basira notes that they never even went through the door, and that there were strange, inky particles in the air that never touched their clothing, but floated around them all as they stumbled around in endless darkness, constantly having to replace torches as they sputtered out. Eventually, the old industrial smell of the Outer Bay complex disappeared. A faint roar permeated through the air the entire time, and Basira feels like she might've been screaming, but couldn't hear it over the choking darkness. Well...that's just swell, isn't it. So yeah, cops are wandering around in the dark and everything is oppressive and super creepy, but don't worry! ...Things get even worse! And I...still find it hard to believe that what I'm about to go over took place in the span of five seconds.

So. ...oh boy. After who knows how long spent wandering around in the darkness, Goodman lands his torch on a tall old man. He's wearing a dark, black robe that seems to move and shift in an unnatural way, his wild white hair covers a scraggly beard...and his eyes are milky white. This is obviously Maxwell Rayner, and tied to a chair next to him is Callum Brodie, his eyes...blank, but not entirely clouded like Rayner's, and his face is locked into a silent scream. Basira sees that Rayner has his thin bony hands raise to Callum...and that a thick, black ink-like substance is pouring from his mouth like a heavy fog, working its way up towards Callum's face, the roaring sound from earlier being revealed to have come from Rayner. Thankfully, Goodman opens fire on Rayner and shoots him square in the chest three times, which....oh my god. I just realized this like...as I'm writing this. ...That is exactly how Gertrude died. ....No, there's NO way that this guy is her killer, there's NO way. Like...I'd be absolutely baffled if that was the case but...I feel like this HAS to mean...something, you know? I just...oh god, I've absolutely opened a can of worms here and...I'll need to think about this one. I um...I'll just leave it here for now...back to Rayner. As he's shot, his robe violently twitches, and all of the black liquid backs off of Callum. Basira swears though that, as Goodman was opening fire, she found herself in a cathedral. It's never specified whether this was just some kind of...weird quirk of the scenario, or if the cops were led so far away from the building that they somehow found themselves there when stumbling around in the dark, but...it's interesting regardless. Still tough, the dark substance continues to pour out of Rayner's mouth, and it ends up hitting Leo Altman's face as he attempts to untie Callum, causing him to howl in pain and start clawing at his face, once again a very bestial thing. I...kind of wonder if maybe this was how Robert Montauk really died? Like, maybe he got touched by this stuff and then...clawed himself to death given all of the scratch marks? I don't know, it's food for thought. Thankfully though, Rayner had been shot dead. Ok...spoilers for later I guess, but even though I don't think he's really dead...that's some pussy shit I'm sorry. You are like...the lord of darkness and you died from three shots to the chest? Get real. After his death, the lights came on in the room, and a woman who was later found to be Natalie Ennis from Growing Dark buried a knife in Altman's throat, before being shot by his partner. ...Rest in peace you wacky roommate, I hope you're eating disgusting spinach in ultra super mega hell. And...that's where it ended. Maxwell Rayner and Natalie Ennis were declared dead, Callum Brodie was rescued but...clearly traumatized, there was no sign of the black dust or ink, and...Altman's body was found with the same milky white eyes as Rayner's. According to Basira, two other members of the church were murdered, and three others were captured, although they haven't revealed anything. And...that's where the story ends. So...let's analyze.

Earlier, I said that my biggest fear that stemmed from this episode was the idea that The Divine Host simply…ends here. That there would be no more relevance from them, and that they wouldn’t be as big of a player as I initially thought. This mostly stemmed from the fact that Rayner “died”, and the fact that Jon…literally says he thinks the story is closed. But after some reflection…yeah, there’s no way that this storyline ends here. First of all, while I’m certain that this whole event has dealt significant damage to The Divine Host, I would be seriously surprised if it actually got rid of them for the good. Given how much influence they have across England, and even other countries overall, and the fact that they’ve had…like, at least 50 members at its peak if all of Robert Montauk’s murders are anything to go off of, I sincerely doubt that four members dying and three being arrested destroyed their entire operation, even if their leader has…at the very least been heavily damaged. (Once again, I will get to why I don’t think Rayner’s actually dead soon enough.) We might not know what The Divine Host’s end goal or purpose is, but I’m sure they’ll come back…eventually, whether in person or in older statements I’m not sure, but I just can’t see this being the end of everything regarding them. Secondly, there are a bunch of unanswered questions still floating around. This was why I was looking at the wiki pages for other episodes centered on The Divine Host, I wanted to compile all of these mysteries and overview them. I’m…just going to list them off now if you don’t mind, so that you have a good idea of what I'm dealing with.

- The ultimate circumstances behind the disappearance of Robert Montauk's wife, and the reasons for him and Julia being haunted

- Almost everything regarding Maxwell Rayner's past, all we know at present is that he was a defrocked pentecostal minister, and likely German.

- Maxwell Rayner's likely connections to Joseph Rayner, the dead soldier from The Piper.

- What Natalie Ennis was referring to when she mentioned "three hundred years waiting" and "Mr. Pitch"

- The complexities of the church's connections to Ny-Ålesund and Outer Bay Shipping

- The true circumstances behind Robert Montauk's death

- Reasons for kidnapping Callum Brodie, and his likely connections to Philip Brown and Caroline Brodie.

- Their likely connection to "Those who Sing the Night"

- Their involvement in the Daedalus Space Station.

- Their likely involvement in End of the Tunnel

And so on. Now, I'm fully aware that chances are, not all of these questions are going to be answered. I mean, the first and last ones could remain eternal mysteries and I'd still be satisfied. On top of that, it's not like Police Lights doesn't give us lore, in fact, i think it might actually make possible answers for some of these questions easier to discern, but the point is that a lot of this has yet to be properly addressed by the podcast itself, and the desire for answers to these questions feel like they're being left to the listener. Ultimately though, I have good faith in Jonny and all of Rusty Quill to not leave most of these unanswered in the end. I still think that despite everything that's happened here, The Divine Host will return in some sort of way, even if it's a little bit more scattered and broken than I initially assumed. But...that's where the big question lies. If The Divine Host returns, will it be more of a...collection of scattered remnants trying desperately to hold on to the cult, or will it return in greater force? Well, while I'm not entirely opposed to the former, and I think it could be done well provided that answers are still given, and it remains plot-relevant...I am honestly leaning towards the latter. I feel like the podcast is trying to bait me into thinking that any future involvement from The Divine Host will be very small, when in actuality...it's going to be a bit more threatening. And it all comes down to the nature and fate of Maxwell Rayner. As the founder and leader of the church, he's probably vital to their survival, hence why his supposed death came as such a shock and a worry to me. But the thing is, after some reflection...I'd be genuinely surprised if he was actually dead. I mean, the withered old man was clearly shot dead, I'm not disputing that...but I don't think that old man was really "Maxwell Rayner", at least...not the one we know. Ok, I'm just going to cut to the chase, no more ominous buildup. Thanks to a Youtube Comment, as well as him reminding me of Emperor Belos from The Owl House (I mean come on, religious imagery, old man with long hair, dark goo, you get it), I think I finally understand what Rayner's deal is. I personally believe that the old man body was just a vessel. That the real "Maxwell Rayner" was probably just a regular guy at one point or another, and that some greater power, the evil cult leader that we all know and...are kind of freaked out by, has been possessing him all this time. And I think that greater power's true form is the dark goo. Rayner isn't a servant of the darkness...he IS the darkness. Not like...in an edgy way, he is just straight up one of ✨the horrors✨, using an old pentecostal minister as a meat suit. Which...really does add to the idea that ✨the horrors✨ are more concious than abstract, so...I'm back at a sort of tie in that regard. And you know, this might actually explain some of the weird timeline stuff with the church. If Rayner really is an eldritch god inside the body of an old man, then maybe he's not the first guy to suffer this fate. Maybe this darkness has like...haunted the Rayner family for years. It possessed Joseph Rayner during World War 1, and then moved over to Maxwell Rayner in the 90s (which might explain why he stopped being a pentecoastal minsiter, although there is another possibility there.) Maybe "Those Who Sing The Night" was an older iteration of The Divine Host, but still ruled by the same being, just in an older body. Maybe whatever the church is planning was attempted before, hence the whole "300 years" thing. Maybe "Mr. Pitch" is actually an alias for Rayner but is like...the true name of the darkness. You know what, I think I'll stick with calling it that until further notice, I like the name. Hell, this would explain why it's even called "The Divine Host" in the first place, because...you know, the leader is a literal host for a divine being. All in all…I think this adds up.

The idea that one of ✨the horrors✨ might’ve been staring me in the face this entire time is…quite frankly terrifying, but also kind of amazing? Like…if I’m on the money here, this would be a really cool idea and an excellent twist. I mean, we’ve already had stuff like the immortal skin book, Amherst’s constant deaths and revivals, and Agnes “perfect botox” Montague, so I don’t think body swapping for immortality is out of the question (also it reminds me even more of Emperor Belos so that’s a personal bonus.) And obviously, this provides a pretty good explanation as to why The Divine Host kidnapped Callum Brodie. Rayner was…clearly a very old guy, and if “Mr. Pitch” needs to keep swapping bodies, chances are its bodies still age normally, so it needed a new one. Either that, or it’s a need to change identity after all the crimes, but like…I mean it’s not rocket science, the darkness was literally climbing into the kid’s mouth, it seems like a pretty clear attempt at possession. I kind of get the sense that maybe Mr. Pitch could have a preference for younger hosts since they obviously last longer (which …kind of makes me wonder if Robert Montauk was driving it back in an attempt to protect Julia from being possessed), although that could interfere with the idea of Maxwell’s possession being his reason for becoming defrocked, and I already threw out the idea that Callum was chosen due to his father’s previous experiences. Either way, I definitely think Mr. Pitch intended on moving over from Rayner to Callum. But that just leaves one more question. …what now? I’m clearly suggesting that even if Maxwell Rayner is dead, the darkness possessing him isn’t, so…where is it now? Well, Basira says there’s no sign of it, so it’s possible that it just kind of…fucked off to who knows where and is possessing someone else as we speak. Alternatively though…it clearly marked Leo Altman, given how he had the same milky blind eyes as Rayner, so…maybe it’s possessed him, and he’s become the new “divine host”? But like, that raises questions as to why Natalie Ennis stabbed him. Maybe she just didn’t see him being possessed, maybe the screaming and scratching signifies he’s unworthy and Mr. Pitch really has gone for someone else, or maybe killing the original person is necessary if you want to use their body. I…honestly don’t know. Maybe Mr. Pitch has gone somewhere else, maybe it’s possessing Leo Altman (which is so, Basira will probably face a VERY interesting reunion sooner rather than later)…I’m really not sure. But at the end of the day…I think it’s very unlikely that this ends here. Maxwell Rayner might be dead, but Mr. Pitch certainly isn’t. There is likely one of ✨the horrors✨ running amok somewhere, planning to get ahold of a new divine host…and that is a very unnerving thought. I REALLY hope this doesn’t turn into another Not!Sasha situation, we’re fucked enough in that regard as is. And even if this black goo really is gone for good…there is no way The Divine Host is fully done for. There’s just too many mysteries. …No matter how much they hide behind darkness, I have faith that light will shine upon them, and we will get answers. …why did I say it like that I’m not trying to write poetry here.

So that's about it on Police Lights. Overall, I thought this was a fantastic episode. The Divine Host remains as one of the most interesting aspects of tma lore to me, so to have more light shed on them (wordplay very much intended) was an absolute thrill. I loved getting more stuff from Basira, the whole atmosphere was really creepy, and it came with some REALLY interesting implications regarding the lore of Maxwell Rayner, The Divine Host as a whole, and the member of ✨the horrors✨ I'm now calling Mr. Pitch. While it did give me some slight worry for the future of the storyline, I think I ultimately came out of it more excited for the future than anything else, and I don't doubt that there'll be more stories and information later on, or that Jonny will be able to pull off something special regardless. But with that aside, we have everything that comes after the statement, which gives us some pretty damn relevant information. So, as mentioned earlier...Basira is pretty damn shook after everything that went down. And she's decided that enough is enough...and that she's quitting the force. Now, despite the fact that I would've done so the second my colleague drowned himself in boiling water if I was her...I ultimately think this was the right decision on her part. Not only because...I mean, it's probably better to not be a cop than to be a cop, but also because I hope it'll give her some safety and solace going forward. I mean...I feel like it's been shown that once you get involved it's hard to get out (I mean, look at the symbolism in Anglerfish), but...hey, at least her job isn't literally unquittable! At least...I think...oh god please don't let that be the case. But yeah, I'm glad that she's at least trying, and even if I can't personally relate...I think it was pretty cool of her to just say "NO" when Jon offered to tell her more about The Divine Host. But unfortunately...her resignation from the force leads to a couple of problems. Firstly, one of the main people investigating Gertrude's murder is just...not doing that anymore, although granted it's...not really like we've learned all that much about the police investigation to begin with, even if I think that's partially due to Jon hogging evidence. Secondly...I mean, Basira trying to get away from it all feels kind of like a death flag...please don't let that be the case. But worst of all is the fact that Jon no longer has easy access to Gertrude's tapes...NOOOOOOO!!!! THAT WAS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I WANTED HIM AND BASIRA TO RECONCILE NOOOOOO!!! I mean, I guess there's technically Daisy, but as far as I know she only gave him that tape per Basira's request, and seems to personally hate Jon's guts, so...I don't know where we go from here. For once...I would actually be ok if Jon broke an entering for the sake of knowledge. Well anyways, I wish Basira the best regardless. There are...a couple of other noteworthy things though.

Firstly, Jon mentions that he feels like to leave the institute would to be giving up what little protection he has...which is honestly a horrific thought. Like, he's been eaten by worms and stabbed by Mr. Cryptic, and THAT'S the best case scenario?! ...damn. But secondly, there's something very interesting he brings up. He mentions how strange it is that the police were able to locate Rayner and Callum, given how the former had been hiding pretty effectively for the past two decades, how Basira didn't have any insight, and how the church didn't seem to expect visitors. This makes Jon think that someone on the outside must have tipped the police off, so the question is...who? Well, I've held true for a while that The Divine Host is probably against the eye thing due to their insignia, and The Magnus Institute is obviously connected to that, so...I feel like the person who tipped them off is nearby. And given his power and pre-established connections with the police, as well as the general sketchy vibes...I'm inclined to suspect Elias the most. He might not be doing anything wrong here...but it's strange to think that he of all people would get this involved, given his general attitude. I might be wrong, but..it's the best guess I have for now. ...I'm very conflicted about him either way. Ok, my wrists are in searing pain from typing now, and I should probably go buy a new lamp after this one, goodbye! :)

Supplemental: The People’s Church of the Divine Host:

Oh, I thought I should also mention that in retrospect, the idea of there being a Rayner family curse or something might not work if Mr. Pitch wished to possess Callum. I think it’s still possible that Callum was exceptional or some sort of desperate measure, or maybe Maxwell just didn’t have any relatives around to possess so they had to switch to a new family, but like…while I still think that Joseph Rayner was a previous divine host, maybe these are just random, unaffiliated people, and Mr. Pitch is simply making up new names for them after possession. Just thought that was worth throwing out there.

- Episode 74, Fatigue 💤

Statement of Lydia Halligan, regarding her insomnia.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! HE’S BACK!!! HE’S DEFINITELY, ACTUALLY SO FUCKING BACK!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE HOLY SHIT!!! AFTER 28 EPISODES HE FINALLY RETURNS I MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!! I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT IT’S NOT IN PERSON I’M SO HAPPY!!! MICHEAAAAAAAALLL!!! Ok…I think I’m…I’m done now. So, aside from the return of my beloved…something, what was this episode actually like? Well uh…holy shit. This was…an absolutely haunting episode through and through. It didn’t tell its story in a traditional sense, instead deciding to reflect numerous vague anecdotes that took place when the statement giver was in an extremely poor mental state, and it reflected said mental state perfectly. And it was genuinely terrifying. It played with unreality and insanity in a genius, yet almost disgusting manner that shook me to my core, and I feel confident in saying that it’s one of the most unique experiences in tma so far. And…if any of that sounds familiar to you, it’s because yes, this episode reminded me a LOT of Hive, which is obviously a good thing. So yeah…I absolutely loved this episode. It might not be like, a Top 10 episode for me, but it’s going to stick with me. I thought it was extremely creative and it scared me absolutely shitless, which is the best thing it possibly could do. But…I’m really only telling you all of this now because…I have no idea how I’m going to properly summarize this one. I’ve slightly messed around with the way I format things for episodes like First Edition, but…I don’t even think THAT will make things easier than that. Hive was abstract sure, but…not to this degree. At least with Hive, I had enough prior knowledge about The Flesh Hive and Jane as a character to get what was going on, but…I can’t say the same for Fatigue. Now, that is FAR from a bad thing, I mean, if an episode contains Micheal of all characters, then making it intentionally confusing and maddening is a genius move, and I think it makes the episode an overall better experience. But…that’s the thing. The episode works best when you experience it, but it’s just vague enough to make summarizing and speculating about it…honestly kind of a nightmare. Like…it’s in this place where I REALLY feel like there’s some important information I can glean from this one, but it’s just so goddamn weird that gaining that information feels possible. That doesn’t really take away from how much I like the episode…but it does mean that this part of the post might unfortunately be a little bit brief. (I mean, whenever I say that it comes out longer than I expected, but I’m letting you know just in case.) I…REALLY wish that I could gush more about this episode, that I could examine everything that makes it so good and come up with some wild theories based on what it gives us, because I honestly think that’s possible! I strongly doubt that this episode isn’t hiding some big secrets right under my nose…but I don’t doubt that I’m not smart enough to find it. I’ll still try my best to formulate my thoughts and glean what information I can, but…I think it’s best if you expect this to be an episode that I…put in the bank for the time being. Hopefully there’ll be a moment later on in the series where I realize…what its deal is, and why and how it’s significant, but for now…I don’t think I have the information or brainpower to do so. Also, ironically enough, I was very sleepy when listening to this episode, so…yeah, maybe my perception is a little skewed. Just know going in that I love this episode a lot, and that I’m not going to entirely write it off as a one-off horror story simply because I can’t glean much from it right now. Well…with all of the preamble out of the way, let’s…try to get into it, I guess. …I can at the very least guarantee that there’ll be at least one instance of me mentioning how much I love Micheal.

So, this statement comes from Lydia Halligan, who is a woman with chronic insomnia. Now, I’d argue that while understanding the deeper complexities, relevance, meaning and reasoning behind her insomnia is difficult, I think the basic crux of…what’s going on with her is pretty easy to understand. For some reason, presumably a paranormal one, she is nearly incapable of sleeping, which has caused her “dreams” to seemingly…blur into reality? If it even is reality? It’s…just vague enough to be up to interpretation. I think the easiest assumption to go in with is that the hallucinations she’s experiencing…aren’t actually real, the only thing that is real is whatever’s causing her insomnia, because it’s just…a bit too extreme to come off as even a worse than usual real-world case of it. However, I don’t think her hallucinations are entirely irrelevant…or just regular tricks of the human psyche, so…I’m still going to keep them in mind just in case. Either way, I’m pretty sure I understand what’s going on with this episode…structure-wise. It’s constantly flip-flopping between paragraphs that have no discernible place in time, either describing one of Lydia’s hallucinations, or something regarding her relationship with sleep, or the lack thereof. The episode opens up with Lydia…basically being as confused, probably more than I am. She’s said that due to both her lack of sleep and her futile attempts to gain it, her waking has been disjointed and her dreams have been vivid, and now they are starting to blur together in reality. So…basically her brain is having trouble distinguishing fact and fiction. I’ve got to say that I’m honestly kind of surprised there were…no follow-up notes regarding any potential sightings of Lydia. Like, it seems like a missed opportunity to maybe…I don’t know, have someone see her wandering around doing weird stuff while hallucinating, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t leaving the house all that much. She then describes what is…presumably her first hallucination. She’s hot and sweaty while lying in her bed, doing nothing but staring at a ceiling fan. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that she mentions her flat not having a ceiling fan when she first moves in, I’d just assume this was a common insomnia symptom, and I feel like that was intentional, because the part where she reveals the initial lack of a fan at the end of the anecdote…that really got to me. Also, despite being arguably the most mundane hallucination, I think this one was one of the scariest to me! It just evokes…a very specific feeling, like, the feeling of waking up in a cold sweat at 3 AM in a quiet dark bedroom, and you want to get up, move around, maybe get some water, but you just don’t have the energy, and your parents are sleeping downstairs in a house with creaky-ass floorboards so you don’t want to disturb them, so you’re just left lying there in your own bodily fluids and don’t get any sleep? You get what I mean? …No? Ok. Anyways, Lydia then goes on to mention how she would always stay up reading as a child, but looks back on those memories as the first sign of early insomnia. The way that this episode makes you doubt its…actual involvement with the paranormal is something I’ll talk about in more detail later, but I’d just like to say that I REALLY liked how this part tries to trick you. It makes you think that maybe Lydia just has a really bad insomnia problem…before it later becomes clearer that’s not the case at all. And then we get to the billboard. Jesus Christ, this billboard is going to haunt my nightmares. It was MADE to be memorable. It’ll obviously show up more later, but for now, it’s…decently normal. It’s slightly rusty, but it shows a coffee advertisement with a smiling woman and rising steam, with the quote “sleep is overrated!” on it. Lydia…does feel like she’s being watched by the woman, but for now it’s just a creepy set piece. Although…I won’t ignore the dissimilarities between that feeling and everything involving the eye monster.

Well, after that vision, Lydia talks about her job as a freelance writer. She goes over how it’s…an admittedly shitty place to be in, but that she always thought it fit her schedule and gave her flexibility. Now though, she sees that it has robbed her of relating to the rest of the world and how it organizes itself, and that…her perception of time is tainted. Once again, the thing that makes this episode so terrifying to me is how…evocative it is. Even if it’s overblown beyond reasonable proportions…I feel like I REALLY get what Lydia’s feeling, the amount of research into the tricks of the human mind that must have been done to make this episode is a crazy thought to me.

And then…we get to the return of the best character(?) ever made. IT’S MICHEAL!!! IT’S HIM!!! HE’S HEEEERRRREEEEE- ok I’ve already done the screaming bit. Anyways, I am of course VERY happy that he’s finally made a substantial return. I will admit that I would’ve really liked another in-person appearance, since I absolutely love how Luke Booys portrays him, but I really cannot complain that much. And I mean, his presence here just further confirms his relevance to me, so I’m getting a lot more certain that he’ll make another major appearance sooner rather than later. Anyways, his presence here is definitely the most intriguing part of the episode to me, and I do actually have a decent bit to say about it, but I’ll just quickly go over his first appearance in Lydia’s hallucinations. Basically, at one point or another, he started showing up in Lydia’s living room, asking how Lydia’s days has been and saying that “names are overrated” whenever she asks for said name (slay king). When Lydia responds by saying she doesn’t know what he means by “day”, he laughs his distorted laugh, and Lydia’s nose starts to bleed. She says that she’s been drawing intricate patterns with…something that isn’t her pen, which is unnerving. Given Micheal’s clear connection to fractals and spirals, I have to assume these are the “patterns” Lydia was referring to. So…yeah, it’s another instance of Micheal being peak chaotic neutral, that’s for certain. Now, Jon questions whether or not Micheal is the direct cause of Lydia’s hallucinations, or simply observing her, but I’m inclined to go with the former. I mean, there’s decent evidence that Lydia had some level of insomnia before this, which I’ll get into, but I think Micheal drove her to…this extreme. This is because, while it’s certainly pretty different from what he did with the door, it..kind of serves a similar purpose. Think about it for a a second. Outside of killing her, his main goal in The New Door was seemingly to just…fuck with Helen Richardson’s mind. It started with the door, where the mere sight of it made Helen question her sanity, and that only continued as she walked through the backrooms, constantly questioning the geography of the place and…how real it all was. And now with Lydia…well, we have a very similar situation, where someone is being driven to question what is real and what isn’t. Micheal ultimately goes at his own rhythm, but if there’s one thing he…at the very least LIKES doing, it’s messing with people’s heads, so him being the root cause of Lydia’s troubles makes a fair bit of sense to me. Even then, I find the idea of him being the cause pretty interesting. Once again, I have more to say later, but…it kind of suggests that he isn’t fully limited to the whole…doors and hallways thing. I mean…at least I think so? There are some minor signs of it later…and Micheal did kind of suggest that he is synonymous with his backrooms on a biological(?) level, so like…I guess they’re here by default. I could argue that Lydia was maybe stuck in the backrooms the entire time, and all of this was just late stage effects of being there, which does kind of fit with the sleep deprivation that Helen felt, but I do kind of doubt that if only for the fact that Lydia’s body was found. But…it’s also kind of implied that Ivo Lensik’s dad was taken by Micheal, and his body was found so…I really don’t know. Do you see why this episode confuses me? There’s clearly a lot of routes to take, and I yet cannot go down any of them. Well, all in all, I’m very excited by Micheal’s return, and I definitely think he’s the main cause of Lydia’s hallucinations. I’ll touch on him a bit more later on, but for now…moving on!

Next, we get more insight into Lydia’s relationship with sleep. She explains that as an academic, she’s often tried to push herself to her limit, counting how many hours she could stay awake and trying to beat her record. She eventually stopped counting, but…never really stopped the “experiments”. …look, I feel really bad for her, but if you want to avoid insomnia and/or door demons, then this is like…the last thing you should be doing, I’m sorry. Something…pretty interesting to me though, is what Lydia says at the end of the anecdote. She mentions how, in comparison to her friends who lacked the capacity to stay up more than 40 hours, she always felt like the longer she stayed awake, the more she…peered into things beyond human comprehension. This is…EXTREMELY cosmic horror-like, and I do actually have a small, yet pretty enticing theory regarding this part, and…really all of the other parts that kind of suggest that maybe, just maybe, the hallucinations are real, and everything else is fake. Uh…ok, wait, I might actually be getting a bit ahead of myself there, let’s just move onto the next dream. So, Lydia recalls a dream where she’s sitting in a café, trying to imagine it as the painting “Nighthawks at the Diner” (omg Hatchetfield reference) despite the grim atmosphere. She drinks her subpar cup of coffee…and spits out a singular, child’s milk tooth that was inside the mug. The waitress named “Vanessa” ignores the tooth, and simply keeps on bringing more coffee. I’m…sure there’s some deep symbolism going on here that I’m just not smart enough to pinpoint at the moment, especially with the coffee billboard, and how Michael’s first appearance was in a coffee shop in mind. I’ll…keep all of this on the radar, but I really don’t have much more to say about it at the moment, other than that I find it really creepy and surreal. Anyways, Lydia goes on to talk about how her lack of sleep has affected her vision. She says the pressure on her eyes makes it go strange, how she sees strange pulsing movements on inanimate surfaces, how her brain is too tired to process the signals the eyes are sending. All of this has even more Micheal and eye-horror vibes, but..Lydia actually says some really interesting stuff here. She mentions a time when she wrote a short story, one that revolves around ghostly creatures that could only be seen by those who had deprived themselves of rest to the point where the mind…opened itself. This, combined with how she talks about our brains just filling in the gaps with lies so that we can make sense of what’s going on…it all makes me think that something ESPECIALLY weird is going on with Lydia, which once again, I will talk about later. It ties into the whole…“the hallucinations are real” thing I mentioned earlier, but uh…I’ll get into it when the time comes. For now, on to the next vision. This one brings back the billboard, except…now it’s much more different. The swirls of the steam are oddly unaffected, but the woman has had her eyes morphed into a glare, and her smile warped into a sneer. It’s soaked and peeling, the rust is much more apparent, and the message now reads…“sleep is for the weak.” …oh dear. Well…I’ll obviously come back to that, but for now, there’s another sleep anecdote. So, Lydia talks more about her relationship with sleep, and how you got through phases of extreme physical fatigue and bursts of manic energy, which she considers to be out of a subconscious desperation. She also described insomnia here as….“like your whole self is trying to push you into bed, but it is covered by a solid granite block.” I felt like this part of the episode is where things became…evidently really paranormal, like, it became clear that this wasn’t just regular insomnia, she literally lacked the ability to sleep…on a fundamental level. And…that kind of ties into the next hallucination.

Micheal returns in this one, except this time, he and Lydia are sitting on a bench in the park. He’s twisting blades of grass into spirals but keeps cutting through them with his knife hands (I still think about how he stabbed Jon for no apparent reason every day), and he says that Lydia looks terrible. Lydia mentions that his body is shifting and undulating when she tries to focus on him, which could be a symptom of the insomnia, but…given what little we know about how Micheal functions, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually happening. Anyways, when Lydia tells him she hasn’t slept, Micheal says that’s ok, but she gets the sense that he’s lying. Now, Lydia suspects that this vision displays when she and Micheal first met, and…I’d have to agree. I briefly mentioned earlier that I don’t necessarily think Micheal is like…the full cause of Lydia’s insomnia, he’s just boosted it. I think he saw her in the park when she was just a regular insomniac, and when he did, he decided to make it much worse for her, and this “hallucination” is just a memory of that meeting. And if that’s the case…I just need to point out how weird of him that is. In The New Door, he played the whole “I only kill those who enter my domain” thing (even if he did lure Helen in himself), but unless Lydia did actually enter the backrooms…he’s just acting like “teehee! no sleep for you :3”…because he can. And that…would honestly be very fitting for him. It’s entirely possible that he showed up at another time, and this really is just another common hallucination, but I like this idea the most. Moving forward, Lydia gives another monologue about how her insomnia affects her and..I really don’t have much to say about it. It basically boils down to her just talking about how insomnia affects your physical health, and how she’s lost her sense of time. If I’m being entirely honest…I think the paragraphs that aren’t focused on Lydia’s hallucinations are probably the weakest part of the episode. A good few of them have some VERY interesting information, and the script remains top notch all throughout…but I did feel like they kind of dragged a little bit towards the end. Thankfully, the next hallucination is pretty interesting. In this one, Lydia is running through a city, and she describes the alleyways as “narrow and winding” and mentions that they don’t turn in all the directions that they should. Combined with how she hears Micheal’s laugh around this time, I think this one DEFINITELY had something to do with his backrooms, the similarities are uncanny. Like I said, I don’t think it’s too likely that Lydia was secretly inside there the entire time, but I feel like this vision suggests there was…some sort of encounter with it at one point or another. It’s just…UGH! I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT POINT IT IS OR IF IT REALLY HAPPENED BECAUSE IT’S TOO VAGUE!! But it isn’t confusing in a First Edition way it’s just…I feel like I have no idea what’s even happening with this one. Ok well…that aside, we’re almost done with the summary.

Lydia gives two final anecdotes. The first one is pretty simple. She admits that she cannot show the institute any tangible evidence of her experiences, and that she truthfully doesn’t know why she’s here, outside of the fact that she’s desperate to sleep again. This doesn’t really give much relevant information in my opinion, but I do think it’s a really good example of character writing. I always love it when statement givers don’t really have evidence, but their desperation, the way that their words are framed…it tells you everything you need to know, and I think Lydia is one of the prime examples of that, I really did get a great sense of how much pain she was in. And finally…we return to the billboard. It’s even rustier, the woman looks even more foul, there’s twisted shapes on whatever poster is behind her, and the message now reads…“sleep no more.” And yet, for some reason, the steam coming from the coffee is the exact same. And then, in what might be one of my favorite subversions of expectations so far, it’s revealed that the title of the episode wasn’t referring to Lydia’s mental state…but the fatigue in the billboard, as the rusted metal falls apart, and Lydia collapses alongside it. And…she dies of a most likely Micheal-induced heart attack a month after giving her statement. …damn.

So uh…yeah, that was Fatigue! Sorry if parts of my summary were a little brusque or incoherent. Overall I absolutely loved this episode, I think it’s really well written and masterfully creepy, it plays with unreality in some super phenomenal ways, and best of all, it has Micheal…but MAN does it confuse me. I’m certain there are so many details and bits of symbolism that are completely lost on me at the moment, and really…only time will tell if they end up mattering or not. I mean, this episode definitely matters to an extent…but I feel like that extent might go beyond the surface level. Also, I am ironically still very tired as I’m writing this, so that doesn’t help! Well…I hope that you were able to get some grasp of what I was saying, at the very least. It’s just…as good as it is…this is not an easy one to recap. But, I still really enjoyed it, and I’m excited to see where all of the stuff with Micheal will go. However…disregarding all of that for a minute, I did allude earlier that I was actually able to construct…what I think is a decent theory out of this episode. It’s not an especially big one, and I don’t think I’m quite done fleshing it out yet, but it does build upon some previous ideas of mine…and I kind of want to just…put it out there. So, I mentioned that this episode reminded me a lot of Hive, and while that is heavily due to the poetic and abstract writing, it also stemmed from…the hyper-awareness of the protagonist. What I mean by that is, Jane had this special connection with The Flesh Hive, and because of that, she seemingly had a greater understanding of how it, and likely all of ✨the horrors✨ function. Lydia doesn’t quite have that, since she’s more of a victim of ✨the horrors✨ than a servant…but she has something similar going on. I pointed out a couple of times how I find the parts of the statement where Lydia mentions her…awareness, very interesting. Like, the part where she says that when deprived of sleep, she felt like her eyes had been truly opened, and how the lies her brain tells her to fill in the gaps are now gone, seemingly…allowing her to see an ugly truth. And if we assume that story she wrote is meant to parallel her predicament…she probably witnessed something greater than herself. …I’d like to take you back to Thought for the Day for a second. I’m sure you all remember how I proposed the idea that all of ✨the horrors✨were fear incarnate, which I still think I stick by, but this episode doesn’t really add much to that idea, outside of making me even more sure that Micheal represents the fear of your mind being messed with. However, I did also suggest in Thought for the Day that maybe, JUST maybe, the episode was basically a smaller scale version of tma’s entire plot, and that the world of tma is just one big experiment into fear, likely something akin to a simulation.

So…given how Lydia kind of talks like she’s stared into the face of a great old one…I’m wondering if maybe she saw the truth of the world. Her hallucinations…weren’t actually hallucinations, they were more real than the world that her, and everyone else, thinks is real. Now, if my simulation theory is correct, then this doesn’t say much about the world outside or what the simulation’s purpose and history might be…but it does suggest that maybe, despite how much horrific shit already happens in this world, it becomes even worse when the cracks start to form in the foundation. Other evidence for this might be found in how similar the episode is to Personal Space. Not only did that episode also terrify me, but I strongly speculate that the Daedalus Space Station is actually a simulation (perhaps within a simulation), and not only did Carter Chilcott see many things that may or may not be real, but he ended up getting out of his isolation by depriving himself of a basic human need, except that time it was food instead of sleep, but I could still absolutely see these episodes being parallels to one another. And this is all without considering how MICHEAL factors into this. If he really is the cause of Lydia’s “hallucinations”, and my theory here is correct…then that means he has the ability to show people the truth of the world they live in which is…just a lot to think about honestly. Like, does that mean that Micheal is…some sort of virus? Does that insinuate that he isn’t one of ✨the horrors✨ that might’ve been made to experiment with human fear, and is instead something else entirely? Because that would really work well with the whole “door and hallway that shouldn’t exist” thing, especially if he is just a fraction of larger being that’s further encompassed by his backrooms! Or is he still one of ✨the horrors✨ but like…gone rogue or something? I’m just…I have no idea. Either way, if he does really have this ability, he could be VITAL for understanding some of the greater mysteries. Micheal is obviously very cryptic, and more often than not is extremely dangerous…but that doesn’t mean he can’t be put to good use. He doesn’t seem to be cryptic out of some sort of…lack of knowledge, and if it benefits him, he can actually be helpful towards others, i.e. when he taught Sasha how to deal with The Flesh Hive. If he’s given a good reason to later on…he could reveal some terrifying yet vital information to Jon and the rest of the institute. Oh, and I also mentioned a couple of times that parts of the episode really reminded me of all the stuff surrounding the eyes, and I mean…there does seem to be a “knowledge” theme going on there, so…yeah, it’s possible that thing also factors into this, although I’m not really sure how…yet, at least. Overall, I do think I need more time to flesh this theory out, and a lot of that comes down to how I feel like I’m still missing a lot from this episode…but I might be on to something here. Either that or I’m way off, I’ll just have to wait and see I guess. Well…that about wraps it up on this mindfuck of an episode. …I’m going to lie down now…

…EXCEPT NOT!!! Because of course, we have a supplemental. …I don’t know why I acted like I wasn’t going to talk about this, what the hell is wrong with me? Can you tell that my mental state is declining as I descend down this rabbit hole? I’m so much like Jonathan Sims omg!!!!!!!1111111 Speaking of the silly little guy, while there’s like…nothing really noteworthy post-statement, I did just want to give a round of applause for Jon for fully believing the statement. Obviously he’s been doing that for all of Season 2 at this point, but when HE’S initially more sure of the statement’s legitimacy than I am….yeah, I feel like that deserves special attention. But more importantly, the supplemental…there’s actually some really interesting information here. Due to Basira having her own concerns, Jon’s just decided to deal with the tunnels on his own, which is…maybe not the best decision but…whatever. He’s decided to set up a camera in the archives right above the trap door, to see if he can get any information on the person inside. He notes that it’s remarkably poor quality, and that seemingly diverts suspicion from Elias having difficulties setting up CCTV in the archives…although it does make me wonder why it doesn’t work in the archives in the first place. Regardless, Jon’s seen a couple of people entering and exiting the tunnels, although they’re hard to distinguish. The first is Not!Sasha, who Jon’s seen enter and leave on two separate occasions. That’s certainly concerning and all, but…it’s kind of hard to gauge what she wants when we don’t really know what’s in the tunnels, outside of some burnt books and a mystery man. And…mentioning that, we FINALLY have a vague idea of who’s actually down there! We…don’t actually have their identity, but they’re a male presenting figure around middle-age, and spend about half an hour going through the archives, before stuffing files into a briefcase and leaving. On top of that…they don’t open the trap door normally, instead they…somehow move the solid floor itself out of the way, which is not too dissimilar to what happened to Jon in Too Deep. This person…could be a lot of people. I guess I could go through every middle aged man who may or may not have supernatural abilities in the show so far, but…that would take forever if I’m being honest. I did throw out Elias and Micheal as potential suspects, but Micheal seems to have his own separate thing going on, and if Jon recognized “Sasha”, I would think he’d recognize Elias as well. Ultimately though…I’m not actually too concerned about figuring it out before the reveal. This is because I have very little doubt that this person’s identity will be revealed by the time Season 2 ends, given how much focus has been planted on them recently. And I mean, I only have six episodes left in the season, which is…still absolutely crazy to me, so I’ll just let this one reveal itself, and if by the chance that I don’t learn their identity by the end of the season, I’ll start taking it more seriously when I get into Season 3. For now though…this is definitely progress. Ok, now I’m ACTUALLY going to go to sleep, I think I should make sure that’s something I’m still capable of. Honk shoo mimimimimimi or whatever.

Supplemental: I…I genuinely can’t stop thinking about Police Lights. Like…it just feels like more and more of a milestone the more I think about it, you know? So much of tma so far has been more lore than a moving plot, which isn’t a problem at all, but that just makes an episode that pushes the ongoing, real-time plot forward…THAT much even more special. I’m really excited by it. Oh, I also thought I should maybe give an update on the whole John/Jeffery Amherst situation from my thoughts on The Tale of a Field Hospital. Basically, I ended up learning that any potential harm that could’ve been caused was entirely unintentional on Jonny’s part, and in retrospect…I think some of my nitpicks might have just come from a misinterpretation of John Amherst’s dialogue and motivations. Just wanted to let people know it’s all cleared up now, and that pretty much all of my issues regarding the topic’s involvement in the episode are non-existent now. I’ll still probably keep that part up for history’s sake, but uh…yeah. Just letting people know.

- Episode 75, A Long Way Down🪜

Statement of Stephen Walker, regarding his brother’s disappearance from the top of Tour Montparnasse in October 2006.

You’ve heard of Enjoy Sky Blue, you’ve borne witness to Enjoy Ocean Blue, now gaze upon the one, the only…ENJOY FRANCE BLUE!!! Which to be fair, is arguably the scariest scenario of them all. Anyways, this was another great episode! Like most episodes that seem to deal with The Vast, this one did a great job at triggering my own vertigo, even if it’s not the scariest example so far, it still did a great job! It had a pretty interesting main duo, brought back some plot points that I’m VERY excited to see make a return, contained some really vivid and freaky imagery, and also had a lot of really interesting things that came after the statement itself, all of which got me really intrigued and excited for the future. I…don’t really have much more to say, since this one was actually pretty standard affair so uh…yeah! Time for another Mike Crew episode! …I find it kind of funny how the two most prominent Micheal’s have a track record of episodes appearing back to back, first 46 and 47, and now 74 and 75. But like, I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything, right? …right? Yeah…I regret to inform you that by a twisted rule of fate…that theory hasn’t entirely died yet…oh dear.

So, starting off we have a…rather grim opening. This statement comes from Stephen Walker, a man who’s recently lost his brother…at least he hopes, because apparently he’d be much better off dead which is…yikes. Now, while I certainly sympathize with Stephen to an extent, let me just say…this guy kind of sucks. Not like, in terms of writing, I’ve said many times before that I like the statement givers who aren’t great people, but like…yeah, he’s just not all that good of a guy! I’ll go into why I think this throughout the post, but…for now, let’s just say that Lost Johns’ Cave has made me significantly more intolerant and terrified of toxic siblings in tma. …One is not the same after Lost Johns’ Cave… Well, regardless, I still feel kind of bad for the guy, since he DID lose his brother. And I mean…at least the death doesn’t seem…planned like that of Alena Sanderson…sorry, I can’t get too wrapped up in thinking about that one, or else I’m going to have nightmares. Anyways, after saying “deep down I know that’s not my brother”, therefore making me thing that his brother had an encounter with a particular table for a hot second, Stephen starts to tell us his story. Ever since childhood, his brother Grant possessed a fear of heights…so you know he’s well suited to be in this podcast. He always tried his best to climb trees, full of bravery and lacking in survival instincts, but would always get terrified as soon as he was halfway up. He was usually fine with lifts and tall buildings, had some trouble with stairs and windows where you could see the surface getting further away, but…he had a particularly bad fear of ladders. Which honestly, I completely get. Ladders are one of the most terrifying inventions ever conceived, like…was it that hard to make stairs that you can just fold and unfold? I mean…yeah probably, but like…WHY DO THE RUNGS HAVE TO BE SO SMALL I HATE IT SO MUCH. Well anyways, the phobia didn’t affect Stephen and Grant’s life that much prior to his death, but they still had their fair share of problems. Grant had been fired from his job at Deloitte a couple of years prior to the events of the statement, and since Stephen had a spare room after a break-up, and Grant had no money…well, you can imagine that the latter started crashing on the former’s couch. This is…kind of where the first signs of a not-so-great sibling relationship become apparent. I mean, what Stephen says here isn’t unreasonable, it’s ok to be annoyed if you’re roommate (who you didn’t really ask for at that) isn’t contributing much, and I can get behind the “better when we’re apart” idea…but it’s still just bad vibes. Partly due to, once again, what Lost Johns’ Cave has done to my brain chemistry, but like…I don’t know, calling your brother who is either dead or being tortured for all eternity an “indentation on the sofa”…it’s just not the best look. But yeah, Grant was struggling to find a job that could make use of his specific skill set for quite a while, and Stephen wasn’t exactly thrilled about the new living arrangement. It’s around this point though, that Stephen mentions he…couldn’t have known what would happen to Grant, despite his feelings towards him. Apparently, Grant’s disappearance was due to…a man with a lightning scar who Stephen vows to kill…and that’s where I start to get very excited. (Also like…you’re going to KILL him?! Like, I can respect the determination but…you, you of all people, plan to kill Mike fucking Crew? Even if I liked Stephen I’d be telling him to get real here.)

So, things started to get kind of...weird around a year prior to Grant's disappearance, just after Halloween. Him and Stephen had been out partying the night before, but both of them either lost or didn't have their keys, leading to a messy argument on their front lawn. But after a few minutes, Stephen notices that Grant has left his window slightly ajar, and takes that as an opportunity. Although, he says he would usually take that as an opportunity to remind Grant about the possibility of burgulars, which like...shut the fuck up! The chances of that happening are so slim, like...GOD, they did a great job making this guy as unlikable as possible. He...REALLY reminds me of some people I've had to deal with, the kinds of people who will literally find any opportunity to make it seem like you messed up, even if doing so doesn't benefit anyone at all. Thank god his girlfriend broke up with him, I hope she's living her best life. Ok well, him being shitty aside, he decides to go to their…honestly just as shitty neighbor, and asks for a ladder since he’s a builder. Obviously, Stephen is the one who goes up the ladder first, but as soon as he reaches the window, he “coincidentally” falls off, careening to the ground with a broken arm and a broken phone, so they can’t easily call an ambulance. After knocking on nearby doors to see if anyone was available, and getting no responses…it ultimately became clear that Grant would have to go in himself. …I just find it absolutely heartbreaking, but also kind of hilarious that all of this, and I mean…ALL of this, including what’s to come, could’ve been avoided if one of them had keys available. That is…deeply upsetting, but so damn comical. But uh…yeah, Grant climbs up in a…genuinely uncomfortable scene with how well it’s described, but as he does…Stephen notices a man on the other side of the street. He looked short and young, yet with an old grey suit and undone short buttons…revealing a lightning scar climbing up the side of his neck. So yep! Mike Crew is back in action! You know, for as much as I greatly anticipated any sort of return from….the other Micheal, I really never talked about how much I wanted this guy to come back. I mean, I do like Micheal quite a bit more, partially due to the fact that I’ve actually heard his voice, but I really wish I talked about this guy more, since I’ve found him super interesting ever since his proper debut in Literary Heights (which is still a top tier episode by the way). So yeah, it’s great to have him back! On one hand, I’m glad that he didn’t get stuck in Ex Altiora and burned to death by Gerard (who also hasn’t shown up in a long-ass time now that I think about it…bring the goth guy back please…), but on the other hand, I am terrified to know that he is no longer a poor tortured university student…and is basically young brooding Simon Fairchild instead. …We’ll get to that. Oh yeah…I also guess I should address what this means for my “every Micheal is the same guy” crack theory…I’ll also get to that later. Just know for now that as unlikely as it is to come true…I refuse to stop committing to the bit until I’m absolutely forced to. Well, going back to the plot, Stephen notices that Mike’s eyes are fixated on Grant, and that whenever he looks back at Mike (uh, Stephen, not Grant, I hate scenes with three people that share the same pronouns in it istg), he feels as if he’s fallen from a great height, but it fades every time he looks back at Grant. Well, Grant thankfully makes his way inside (what the hell dude your brother with horrible acrophobia made it in while you didn’t what is up with that), and Mike runs away. I…definitely think it’s safe to say that Mike was the reason Stephen fell and broke his arm, and probably intended to do the same to Grant if he hadn’t gotten inside first. Which…might’ve honestly been a better fate than what actually happened to him. Well anyways, Grant comes out the front door with his phone in hand, and calls an ambulance. And after some time passes, we get to late 2006…and that’s when things all went wrong.

Over time, things started to get better. Grant was lucky enough to get a job in a different department at Deloitte, started offering to cover the rent for a few months, and…all of that was enough to get Stephen to begrudgingly let him stay with him. (but not without complaining about him yet again GOD DAMNIT HE LITERALLY JUST DIED…or worse) But in the late Summer of 2006, Stephen starts planning for a trip to Paris, which Grant…comes on without asking. Ok…I’ll give you that one Stephen, that is actually pretty annoying, and…somewhat relevant to his fate. It didn’t help that Grant had recently got fired again, never allowed to join Deloitte again. Although…he did get fired for smoking weed, so…maybe he could’ve had better luck with The Magnus Institute, I think the CEO would’ve really liked him! Although…it’s probably for the best that he didn’t join a place that’s constantly haunted by worms, changelings, door man things and/or an eldritch god, which you’re also incapable of leaving for whatever reason. …Writing all of that down makes me realize how fucking weird this podcast is. Well, getting back to the plot, Stephen begrudgingly lets Grant come, using what little sympathy he has for his brother up. Unfortunately, using that sympathy up led him to doing something extremely stupid! Yay! (I know with how frustrated I am you might assume I don’t actually like this episode, but believe me, I DO, having such an insufferable protagonist is what puts this episode in the place where I keep important memories lol.) So…for some unholy reason, when they get to Paris, Stephen decides to take Grant up to the Tour Montparnasse. You know, that ugly-ass skyscraper, the highest point in all of Paris? What the fuck dude?! Yeah, I get that sibling pranks are a thing, but not only are you a grown (barely) adult, but that is a NEW level of cruel. Your brother had chronic vertigo and acrophobia, you’ve already had a weird-ass experience involving heights due to the sexy sky man, and yet…you somehow think this is a good idea? …HOW?! That is SO PETTY. Ok…if I think about this any longer I’m just going to get mad, so what actually happens up there? Well, Grant is obviously terrified as they head up the elevator, choosing to sit down as far away from the observation terrace as he can when they reach the top. Stephen is having the time of his life though, both due to the view and Grant’s despair which he finds oh so delicious…but he gets a scare of his own. He feels that same falling sensation he felt when he first met Mike, and after slamming himself into the barrier and landing on his hands and knees…he sees him again. Stephen’s breath is caught in his chest, and he notes that Mike…looks oddly bored? On one hand, the fact that a guy who does…what he’s about to do is so neutral to his actions is both terrifying and badass, but I also find it kind of funny? Mike is the second person we’ve seen who seems to connect to the being known as The Vast, but in contrast to Simon Fairchild, who comes off as having the time of what little life he probably has left whenever he tosses people into the void…Mike just doesn’t care. I don’t know, I find the difference a little amusing. Well, back to being serious, Stephen is pulled up by a couple of tourists, but he notices that Mike is now gone…and so is Grant. Grant…isn’t anywhere, not in the lobby, on the streets, he’s nowhere to be seen. He doesn’t get to charge his dead phone until he gets back to the hotel (both of these brothers could really learn to prepare better before going out, I’m just saying), but when he does charge it, he finds dozens of missed calls and nearly four hundred texts…all from Grant. Most of the texts are scrambled, but the ones that are readable are asking where Stephen, anyone and the elevators were. One picture, the only one that isn’t all too corrupted, shows the edge of the skyscraper, but now there’s no barrier…and a ladder. And whenever he tries to call Grant…all he hears is rushing wind. As cool as Mike is…I haven’t been this glad a fictional character isn’t real for a while.

So, that’s A Long Way Down. Another great episode all in all. The way it portrayed an unhealthy sibling relationship was really well done, it did a great job at bringing out my fear of heights, and the return of Mike Crew makes me extremely happy. I…don’t really have much more to say about it, it’s just another solid episode among…a lot of solid episodes. …wow I love this show. As for analysis, well….most of my theories stemming from this episode come from what we get after the statement, although I guess I should take a quick look at Mike first, just going a little bit deeper than I did while recapping. So yeah…turns out he didn’t die! A lot of people thought that due to the Lichtenberg figure only appearing in Ex Altiora after he stole it, chances are he got stuck inside the book, meaning that…he was probably dead. Now, while I personally took the route of my Micheal crack theory…deep down I thought this was pretty logical, made even more logical thanks to First Edition revealing that you can get stuck in…at least one Leitner. But nope, turns out he survived! Now, since he seemingly gave himself to The Vast, I think it’s safe to say that either gained the ability to fly, or the ability to fall without issue after jumping out of that window, and now, he’s basically doing what The Fairchild Family does, just on a smaller scale. So…that’s great, there’s just…two guys throwing people into the void now. …Or is there? Because, I mean…this statement took place in 2006, over a decade prior to where we are now…so maybe Mike isn’t alive. Or…maybe he isn’t alive as we know him. Yeah…I regret to inform you that I’m not giving up on my Micheal-related theory just yet. Once again, I STRONGLY doubt that this theory is true. Chances are, Mike is still alive as a servant of The Vast to this day, he is completely separate from Micheal, and I’m absolutely crazy. I mean, I’ve already given a bajillion suggestions as to what Micheal might actually be, and all of them are probably more plausible than this. But I’m still going to throw it out there, simply because…it’s funny. Like I said, I am committing to the bit until I physically can’t anymore. So, I was fully prepared to give up on the theory right here, right now. It just…seemed like the podcast was intent on making Mike a threat that would come into play later on. But then…Jon comes along, and said something very interesting. If you don't recall, the basic gist of my Micheal theory was that some sort of unknowable horror was...absorbing various people, and that all of the people named Micheal who have featured somewhat prominently were among these absorbed people, with the big-handed blondie we all know and love being the result of that. This theory spawned because in Literary Heights, Mike is seen being pursued by some sort of pattern in the sky, and I thought it was described in a similar manner to that of a fractal, which I found notable since...fractals are one of Micheal's recurring motifs. And wouldn't you know it...Jon straight up calls that pattern, both the one on Mike's chest and the one chasing him...a fractal. This is...absolutely hilarious to me. Because it means that even if my theory isn't correct, Mike and Micheal have, at the very least, some sort of tangible connection beyond just their names. That's just...wow. But you know what? I REFUSE to settle down here. This is enough evidence to make me continue milking this concept for as much as it's worth. Because I. LOVE. MICHEAL.

Sure, Mike might not have been absorbed right after the events of Literary Heights, but who knows? Maybe he took refuge in The Vast for a while, and then Micheal eventually caught up with him? Sure, Micheal probably existed before this statement, if the fate of Ivo Lensik's father is anything to go off of, but maybe Mike just hadn't been absorbed back then. Sure, maybe I initially proposed that Mike was running from The Vast and it caught up with him, which would mean that Micheal and The Vast are the same thing, but maybe it's different. Maybe the pattern in Micheal and Ex Altiora is what connected Mike to the vast....although the whole lightning thing seems a lot more associated with The Vast...hm. Ok, I'll admit that's either a currently unsolvable mystery, or a hole in my argument. But I don't care! I. HAVE. ENOUGH. This theory is not going to be proven true. Mike Crew and Micheal...something are probably completely different people. But I refuse to give up. Because if I do....then I have failed my solemn duty of committing to the bit.

So uh...outside of my growing insanity, there are quite a few other interesting things found after the statement. Jon takes the opportuinity to talk a little bit about Leitners, or more specifically, how they affect the people who read them. While some just die, others get connected to ✨the horrors✨, Mike and Jared Hopworth being clear examples. And Jon says here that...the people who read them don't just change their actions, but who they are, and rather than them wielding the power, the power wields them. ...This is very interesting to me. I should preface this by saying that personally, I don't think there's that much of a difference between people who become "marked" by reading Leitners, and people who become "marked" through...literally any other method. We've seen it happen in so many different ways, from wasps nests in attics to experiments into ESP, and while I do think all of these transformations are united under something common (probably fear and/or resonance)...I don't think Leitners are all that special. They are just one of many ways ✨the horrors✨ mess up people's lives. But going past that...I find Jon's comment interesting due to recent events. Because, you know how I suggested that Maxwell Rayner was ACTUALLY the darkness that The Divine Host serves, just switching between a variety of possessed bodies. ...Well what if that's not exclusive to him. What if that goes for...everyone who's been "marked"? Because, we haven't really seen many of these weirdos in person, only getting descriptions of their personalities that are...just telling enough to the point where the listener can get a sense of their vibe and overall premise, but they're stil vague. The only person of this manner we've seen so far is Jane, and honestly...she fits the manner of "possessed" perfectly, given the whole hivemind thing she had going on. Sure, we also have Not!Sasha and Micheal, but Not!Sasha falls into this category where...I really don't know what she is, outside of the fact that she's most likely connected to The Anglerfish, The Other Circus and all of that fake stuff, and Micheal...well, I think he is actually just one of ✨the horrors✨, even if there is some...elements of humanity within him. The point is...I wonder if this entire time, ✨the horrors✨ have been showing up a lot more frequently than I thought. And like...that's really interesting to me, because if my line of thinking is true...can I really view these things as eldritch gods anymore? Because by this logic, a character like Agnes is being possessed by a Sumerian fire demon, meaning...a Sumerian fire demon had a tragic coffee shop romance. Well...whatever the case, I just find this single line from Jon interesting, and I think it might really help when it comes to understanding...just what the hell is even happening.

Ok...and now to the last scene. Well, before I get into the real meat, I did want to point out something a little bit strange. So, Jon starts comparing the statement to the story of Robert Kelly, the skydiver who got eaten by the sky. I don't think I really need to explain why he says this, since both are obviously connected to the same force, but...as he starts talking about this, the audio, and Jon's tone, suddenly change in a really abrupt manner. It's possible this was just an editing mistake, given how we hear a door open and a new voice just after this shift occurs...but given the usual quality of the audio, as well as how creative they like to get with effects like static (I mean, these ARE the people who used pasta to make worm sound effects)...I just have to wonder if there's maybe a greater meaning here. Given how devoted tma is to its framing device, as well as the...strange oddities surrounding the tapes from a story perspective, not to mention the archives and the institute as a whole...I'm obligated to keep an eye out for things like these. I don't have any clue as to WHAT it might mean, I just thought it's worth noting. But that aside, we get a surprising return from Basira, not too long since her last one. And....OH MY GOD SHE PULLED THROUGH. SHE DID EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HER TO AND MORE. HELL. YES. So, to the surprise of...unfortunately no one, the police are covering up what happened during Rayner's attempted arrest. They're trying to frame Officer Altman's death as part of a botched drug deal, and have no issue getting Basira out of their hair. This has caused her to lose all faith in them, and that includes their ability and willingness to solve Gertrude's murder. So...she did the unthinkable. She didn't just give Jon a new tape...she gave him ALL OF THEM. Well, at least as many as she could get her hands on, but still. FUCK YEAH!!! SHE'S SO COOL!!! This is just...absolutely fantastic news. I was SO worried as to whether or not Jon was going to get the tapes after she quit, but this...it's better than I could've ever imagined. And apparently, Daisy's the only other person who knows, so hopefully Jon shouldn't have to deal with repercussions for holding onto the tapes. This is SO exciting to me. As per tradition, it makes me think the next episode will be a Gertrude tape, but like...what if ALL the remaining statements in Season 2 are Gertrude tapes? Not necessarily all the remaining episodes, as I'm sure some Infestation-esque shenanigans are bound to occur, but like...the actual statements. Granted, it definitely sounded like Basira gave more than three or four, so I do think that these tapes will carry into Season 3, but either way...AAAAAAHHHHH I"M EXCITED. Hopefully Basira also gets away with this fine....but man. What a legend. ...I am so not prepared for these final five.

Supplemental: Well...I'm halfway through the post now. Given everything that's been happening recently...I get the feeling we are about to enter some dark-ass waters. Maybe some of the episodes will be decently chill (I mean, the episode before Infestation was the fucking homophobic vase one)...but just in case, I want to outline some brief predictions for the finale. I don't think these are going to change much in the final pre-finale episodes, so I feel pretty comfortable putting them out here now. So uh...here you go.

- Given all of the buildup, I think that Jon will finally become aware of the truth behind Not!Sasha. This could potentially be done through Melanie, although given how she’s only appeared once throughout the entire season, briefly at that, I’m kind of leaning towards the tunnels, or maybe even Elias being the thing that reveals the truth. I guess Micheal also knows but…good luck getting him to give any answers. As for what she might do after being found out…that’s a whole other can of worms. A can of very scary flesh eating STD-adjacent worms.

- Mentioning the tunnels, I think we’ll definitely get some insight into what their whole deal is, which also probably means some Robert Smirke lore? I’m also certain that we’ll learn the identity of the guy living there, as I mentioned earlier.

- I’m definitely sure at least one more Gertrude tape will come before the finale, and that’ll come with some very vital information. Said information might be the big clue towards uncovering her killer (who I still think is either Elias, the person in the tunnels, both, some eldritch monster, or someone affiliated with a cult), and I think the killer will be revealed by the end, since it’s kind of been the big mystery of the season. If not, then maybe it’ll carry over into Season 3.

- I think the death-aligned being I’ve been referring to as “The End” since First Edition will play a significant role, given how there’s been quite a few episodes that seem to surround it recently. I also definitely think that Leitners will somehow be relevant in the finale, given how much they’ve been mentioned both in and out of statements all throughout the season (…stupid idiot motherfu-), and when you combine those two…maybe some Keay family lore is due as well. Perhaps that’ll come from a Gertrude tape, and we’ll learn what was up with that page Mary gave her.

- The archival assistants and Elias have been weirdly absent since Thought for the Day. I definitely think this is intentional, and is meant to show how Jon has been driving them away, but I’d be surprised if they didn’t all show up for the finale. I also think Basira will come back one last time (at least for this season), and she might even bring Daisy along with her.

- Micheal…maybe…please…

- And finally, I just think that there’s going to be some really big changes to the status quo. If Gertrude’s killer is in the institute as Jon seems to believe, that’s one thing, but given how this season has been really intent on making it clear that the institute is just as paranormal as everything else, I think any potential answers regarding that weirdness could be…pretty earth-shattering. I also get the feeling that the narrative will become a lot more…centralized? Like, there’s a lot of running narratives seen in statements, and many of them have been converging as time goes on, all fitting into the grander narrative, yet very few of them have actually had a tangible effect on the institute yet. I have to assume that’ll change sooner rather than later so…yeah, I just feel like there’ll be some big changes going forward.

Well, that’s all my last-minute thoughts. Here’s a picture of my initiation into The People’s Church of The Divine Host, just for good(?) luck as I go into the final five. See you on the other side :)

- Episode 76, The Smell of Blood 🚃

Statement of Melanie King, regarding her further researches into war ghosts. Statement taken direct from subject.

Well...I guess I'll eat my damned words then, jeez. So...huh. Right after I make the shockingly bold proclamations of "next episode will definitely be a Gertrude tape" and "Melanie might not be super important"...they throw this at me. Is this karma or something? What did I do? Did I bully Stepehen Walker too much? Or is Rusty Quill trying to fuck with me by debunking my "final predictions" as quickly as possible? Well, regardless of what the answer is...THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!!! While I was starting to doubt whether or not she'd return by the end of the season, that doesn't change the fact that I'm SUPER happy Melanie returned, she's always been one of my favorite side characters, so getting not only a prominent return, but yet another full blown statement from her is the best case scenario. ...Even if I'm a little bit concerned about whether or not we'll see her again but...I'll get to that later. Outside of her return, the episode had some really creepy imagery, giving off the vibes of something you'd hear about on a ghost tour or...funnily enough, a UK paranormal documentary, and it obviously pushed the story into...what is indisputably season finale territory (glad to say that I'm probably right with at least one prediction), and this episode made me REALLY happy when you pair it with how I've tried to make sense of ✨the horrors✨. I have...quite a fair bit to say, both in terms of my recap and analysis....so I'll just jump on in right now. And maybe I should bother to learn what a "Buzzfeed Unsolved" is...

Ok, before I get into all of this, can I just mention how insane it is that this statement takes place on February 13th, 2017? ...Ok that was a weird way to phrase it. What I'm trying to say is that the whole incident with The Divine Host took place on February 10th, meaning that over just four days, Jon has dealt with five different statements, two of which were given by people he knows personally to some extent, and has also had to deal with the implications of said statements, all of the tapes that Basira just got him, and now the realization that something is very wrong with one of his coworkers. ...I mean, I know his life hasn't been all that pleasant since Martin's statement, but...all of that in this short of a timespan? Poor guy. Well, with that aside, on to the actual content of the episode. So, while Jon was trying to figure out which of Gertrude's tapes to listen to first, Melanie suddenly returned after getting the information she needed from the institute's library, and is now ready to give a statement regarding the aftermath of her time filming at CMH, and her arrest after breaking into the Rotherham train graveyard. I...honestly feel kind of stupid for assuming she wasn't going to come back before the season ended. Like, come on me, there was no way they were just going to ignore those "weird things" she mentioned. Well anyways, Melanie's here now, and Jon isn't that happy about it, due to his need to investigate the tapes. Ah...how I longed for the banter between these two to return. Although oddly enough...I kind of think they could work well as friends? I'll get to that later, but going back to Jon, he's initially dismissive...until Melanie reveals a large scar on her shoulder, saying it came from a 1940s surgical scalpel. So, he ultimately lets her make her statement. It begins with a more detailed description of what happened to Ghost Hunt UK after their encounter with Sarah Baldwin at the Cambridge Military Hospital. Sarah had went missing a few months after the shoot, but oddly enough, despite her whole skin peeling and stapling thing, Melanie says that she wasn't as hung up on that as she was...the hospital itself. She says she felt a presence in there, implied to be separate from Sarah and The Anglerfish, and that said presence was likely the thing that attacked the former. This is...very intriguing to me. When I initially wrote about Skintight, not only was I much less detailed, but I was so focused on The Anglerfish coming back that I neglected to mention...how weird the hospital itself was. Sarah was oddly concerned about going inside, apologizes for "unintended trespassing" at one point, and Melanie mentions paint that looked like blood, and a phrase spray-painted over a mural that read..."silk will not stitch the butcher's meat". And...quite a bit of that is very reminiscent of what happens in this episode, beyond the fact that both of them star Melanie. I'll do a deeper dive into this topic later on, but for now...I'll just say that I don't think The Anglerfish was the only spooky thing in Skintight, Sarah Baldwin might've been attacked by something else, and...I get the feeling that Melanie's gotten into some really deep shit. Like, the similarities between her two statements are so noticeable that i have to believe she's either become haunted (or..."marked", even), or that there is just something...deeply, innately wrong with her. Well, aside from her being a youtuber and a meme, that is. Anyways, back to the summary.

So yeah, things hadn't been going well with Ghost Hunt UK. The incident at CMH had been tearing them apart, and multiple people were deciding to quit, with many of them doing so unofficially, or without even telling Melanie. She actually went back to the hospital at one point, but unfortunately didn't find anything. ...Ok maybe Sarah and The Anglerfish were the only weird thing going on here, but like I CAN DREAM OK. Maybe the reason she didn't find anything is because by classic ghost logic, if you go out of your way to look for something weird, the chances of you finding it are pretty slim. It finds you, not the other way around, something that is even evident later in the episode. Well, when she couldn't find anything, she decided to look into similar places, mostly other military hospitals, but really...anywhere that was known as "haunted" and had a connection to historical conflicts. It was then that she realized...basically everyone in her field looked in the same places, constantly retracing each other's steps and coming to the same conclusions, at least in The UK but...even in countries like America, it's apparently not much better. Melanie initially assumed this happened in order to avoid anything that might be fake, but nowadays...she thinks it's to avoid anything that's far too real. But Melanie was determined. Her encounter with Sarah was arguably the most significant thing that ever happened at CMH, so...when she discovered a whole truckload of spooky places and stories that her coworkers had entirely avoided...she unfortunately decided to dig deeper. This caused all of her friends to start distancing themselves from her, likely because they...felt like she was going to get herself hurt, and that they would be subjects of a mysterious spooky death story if they didn't just give up and leave. ...yikes. Well, as unfortunate as that is, it still didn't stop her. She started going on various online forums looking for leads, going off the beaten (and safe) path in hopes of finding some answers on the...weird presence she felt. She eventually learned how to peel out the real ones, or at the very least, the ones that the writers think are real, as they were always the ones that...never really had any resolution or narrative flow. ....This single comment she gave somehow sent me into a minor rabbit hole. I'll keep this brief, but when I first heard that quote, I found it kind of ironic since...all of the statements we hear have good narrative flow, and are supposed to be real in the context of the show. I mean, it's not a problem, I'd obviously rather the podcast has good structure than bad structure, but I thought there was some irony behind the comment. But then I realized...the statements are probably only a small fraction of paranormal encounters. Like, statistically speaking, there are probably hundreds and hundreds of spooky incidents in this world that DIDN'T have narrative flow, and probably ended in much more bleak and grim ways. Because everyone who gave a statement lived long enough to do so, but...that probably doesn't go for the majority of people who've fallen victim to ✨the horrors✨ in the past. I just wanted to talk about that, because I thought it was really cool how what initially started as a line potentially worth critiquing, ultimately got me to appreciate the writing even more, and start thinking about...just how many incidents that are entirely heard of have occurred, because it's not like everyone in the world is in close contact with, or even knows of the institute. It's just...man, this is a damn good show!

This comment also got me thinking about...how weird it is that everyone is able to give a perfect account of their experiences. I already kind of thought it was weird in the cases of characters like Daisy, but...it's just getting very strange to me how all of the statements are perfectly told to us, despite coming from so many different kinds of people. It's probably just for the sake of writing a compelling story, which if so is completely understandable, and I'm willing to suspend my disbelief if it means the script stays this consistently good. But...like I've said before, I'm inclined to be suspicious of almost everything this podcast throws at me, and the structure is no exception. If the perfect recounts of these incidents really are something worth keeping in mind...then I have to say, I find it really weird that a homeless drug addict who nearly died of lung cancer was able to give not only a very well written statement, but one that was twice as long, maybe even longer that the average one. ....Wow that was a hell of a side tangent. Holy shit I need to get back to the plot. Uhhhh...Melanie is on the interwebs, yeah! So, after some digging, she eventually came across...quite the interesting lead. She found a guy on a forum who claimed to work at the C.F. Booth scrap metal and recycling yard, a place located in Rotherham that happens to be one of the biggest train graveyards in the UK. He worked there scrapping the trains, but there was one train that for some reason, was never on queue to be scrapped, and had seemingly been there since The 1950s. On top of that, every time he got near it...he smelled blood. For some reason, even though it didn't seem all too different from all of the fake stories floating around...this one stuck with Melanie, so she decided to go see some family up in Sheffield, and make her way to the train graveyard from there. It's around this point where Melanie mentions how while she should've turned back, she didn't out of a desire to be assured that what she saw at CMH was actually real, and Jon claims he knows the feeling. Not much to say about this really, but I'm happy that my analysis of the parallels between these two and their stories was proven correct, and that hopefully...maybe they can bond over that in the future. Regardless, after spying on the security and cameras for a few nights, Melanie finally managed to sneak her way into the train graveyard. She eventually came across what the forum poster had described; a large steel boxcar with a curved roof, a windowless sliding door, and specks of olive paint scattered across it. And wouldn't you know it...the smell of blood permeated from it, getting stronger as she got closer, and guiding her through the night better than her own eyes. As she got closer, Melanie swore she could see figures in the other cars, but they were never there if she glanced back. Like I said, classic ghost story shenanigans. Eventually, she got up to the car, the smell of blood being at an almost choking level. When she went up to the doors, her torch landed on a serial number surrounded by more specks of olive paint, which she says reminded her of the army. After noting the number down, she went inside...and that's when things got a bit TOO bloody. (Fun fact, I tried tasting a bit of my own blood after I got a small cut not too long ago. Unfortunately I found it pretty bland, so chances of me being descended from vampires just went way down :/.)

When Melanie first opened the car, it was dark and featureless as expected. But then she directed her torch to the floor and....oh. Blood. Who could've seen that one coming. As she followed the stream, she landed upon an old hospital bed, colored in the same army-green as the specks of paint. On top of it was a white body bag with...ominous black stains at the bottom (which is oddly Rayner coded to me if I'm honest, but probably means something else), and as most ghost stories with body bags go...it started to move. Melanie tried to run, but as soon as she did, a new figure, one that looked like a war medic in his mid-twenties, came charging in, and...began to stab the body bag with its scalpel, over and over again. Melanie notes that his eyes weren't normal, that they lacked everything that made a person human. All that was there was a lust for violence, carnage and blood. ...The mention of eyes in general is certainly interesting to me. Unfortunately, the look in his eyes was enough to distract her from his oncoming charge. That's...obviously how she got the scar on her shoulder. Her scream from the pain was seemingly what alerted the guards, and well...we already know the rest. She was technically arrested, but got sent to the hospital for her wound, and as expected, no one believed her. ...If only Basira was the cop there, she would've been cool about it. Oh, Melanie also became a meme for a short while, which leads to one of the funniest parts of the podcast so far, where Jon defends his knowledge of memes when Melanie questions him. I choose to believe that he was bullshitting it, and has absolutely no idea what they actually are but...to each their own I suppose. But...it didn't actually stop there, as there's a reason as to why Melanie didn't immediately give another statement.

So, despite everything that happened, she continued digging, such is one's fate as a parallel to Jonathan Sims. Via the serial number, she learned that the train came from World War 2, and was coincidentally...an army hospital train from the US that was used in the European theatre from 1944. However, it crashed and derailed in 1945, killing five and seriously injuring fourteen, although there were no patients officially on board at the time. But with no extra information, and no way to tell how the train ended up in Rotherham, she came to the institute's library. Here, she found an account from a man named William W. Hay, who was seemingly a real guy, although I've had some trouble finding any extra relevant information on him that isn't specified in the episode, and said episode obviously deviates from real world history for the sake of spooks. Apparently, Hay became an occultist later in life (...quite suspicious given the podcast's history with such a topic), and that led to most of his memoirs and research findings being published in a very edited form. However, the institute...somehow possesses the original scripts, (that's totally not so convenient that it's suspicious whatsoever) and from those scripts, Melanie learned that he just so happened to serve on the exact train she explored the ruins of. ...I loved how Jon and Melanie were nerding out in this scene by the way, this is exactly why I think they could make good friends. But from a photocopy of his memoirs (which Jon read in perfect form by the way...which is also something I'm kind of suspicious of now AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH), we learn that during his time upon the train, Hay witnessed how bloodshed, carnage and violence can effect one's psychology in the long run. He saw their senses start to dull, and eventually, a select few developed a strange fascination with the mechanisms of violence and butchery, how wounds were formed...with the smell of blood supposedly being a strong motivator. It's from this account that we also learn...why exactly the train crashed. Apparently, a young medic got filled with an insatiable urge to commit violent acts, so the other workers aboard the train crashed it, choosing to die in that way rather than risk his rampage. ...I think it's safe to say we now know who exactly it was that stabbed Melanie, or at the very least...who that spirit represented. There is...one other thing Hay mentions though. Apparently, he spent some time at an infirmary in Amritsar, and...he witnessed two dozen Ghurkas tear each other to bloody bits, seemingly driven by that same, soul-consuming bloodlust that he saw on the train. ...Yikes. So, that's the basic rundown of Melanie's statement, but what about my thoughts? Because...I certainly have some.

Honestly...from a plot and character perspective, I really don't have much to say about this statement. The story of the derailed hospital train seems to be, at the very least from a timeline perspective, mostly unconnected from anything that's shown up in the past, with the obvious exception of Melanie herself. The main thing that interests me however is...the themes, all of those recurring ideas of violence, war and bloodlust, as...I think they're actually really important, not in terms of understanding the timeline, but rather...the nature of the hospital train, as well as CMH. I will admit that the theory I'm about to propose should be taken with a grain of salt. It's made with much more serious intentions than something like my Micheal theory, and I think the evidence I'm providing is a bit more tight, but ultimately...this is just kind of a fun thought experiment, and I don't really think I'm all that right with this one. It's plausible, but...I don't know if it'll be the route the podcast takes. Honestly, that's kind of a thing with most of my theories regarding ✨the horrors✨. Like, I've been using the formula I proposed after Old Passages for...over 40 episodes now, but that's really only because it's the easiest way for me to categorize things. I don't know how likely it is that my interpretation of tma's eldritch forces is true, but....hey, I'd have a hell of a lot less theories if I didn't have SOME way of understanding things. So, as you've probably surmised, my theory revolves around which one of ✨the horrors✨ I think is haunting the hospital train. But before I make my proposition, I think it's important that I take a better look at Melanie, and...how she connects to all of this. Because...it is super weird to me that she just so happens to come across another military hospital thing, like...by coincidence. Sure, she was doing some digging into other military hospitals after the trip to CMH, but with the train...she didn't learn it was used for the same purposes until after she got arrested and did some extra research, up until that point, she was just...drawn to it, for some weird reason. And as far as we're concerned, beyond...probably being connected to the same member of ✨the horrors✨, CMH and the hospital train don't have any lore connections, so...I feel like there's something going on with Melanie. I don't think she's secretly an eldritch monster or anything, we already have someone fulfilling that role, but...there's something going on here. And...you know how Melanie mentioned feeling a presence inside CMH, one that got to her more than Sarah Baldwin peeling and re-attaching her own skin? Well...I'm just wondering if she got..."marked" by that presence. Not in the same way that someone like Jane got "marked", where you straight up get consumed by ✨the horrors✨, but more like...Andrea Nunis from Lost in the Crowd. Melanie's just being...followed by whatever was in CMH, and that's why she was mysteriously drawn to the hospital train, seemingly haunted by the same presence. Hell, maybe she got "marked" before that, and that was what drew her to CMH, although I think that's pretty unlikely since she had more of a legitimate and normal reason to go there, as opposed to the hospital train, which she just felt oddly compelled to go for. So...yeah, I think Melanie's gotten herself in quite the sticky situation. But with that in mind...what exactly do I think is haunting these places, and by extension, her? Well, I guess I should mention some...potential candidates first.

One candidate...could technically be whatever Sarah and The Anglerfish are involved with, although I think that's pretty unlikely, mostly due to the fact that Melanie straight up says there was something in the hospital other than them, and that's what she's most concerned about. I guess you could interpret Sarah apologizing for trespassing as her, like...begging for forgiveness from the monster she serves, the phrase "silk will not stitch the butcher's meat" is pretty reminiscent of the skin thing, and you could also interpret her getting flinged around as being the doing of The Anglerfish (which I admittedly also thought at first), but...I'm not so sure anymore. I think it's more likely that she intruded upon the domain of a separate being, and that as a servant of The Anglerfish...she got tossed around a bit as punishment. This kind of makes sense to me, because ✨the horrors✨ do seem to have some sort of...weird thing going on where some are allies, but others are enemies, like Asag and the spiders being clearly opposed for example. As for the graffiti, well...that works well with all of the medical horror, so...yeah, I don't think these two should be Melanie's biggest concern. Another potential candidate is the being associated with all sorts of body horror. Stuff like gore and blood definitely line up nicely with that, and...honestly I could see the graffiti as being something straight out of Tom Haan's mouth, but still, I'm not...entirely convinced. I mean, I guess it has a good chance of being the driving force behind all of this, but that's not as interesting of a thought to me. It also doesn't help that there's no signs of classic tma body horror motifs like cannibalism and Christian imagery, and admittedly, the gore in these episodes is a lot more...standard wound-based, where as all of the stuff that seemingly follows the body horror thing usually deals with concepts like dismemberment, so...I'm still not fully convinced. Both of these are decently plausible candidates for the member of ✨the horrors✨ that's following Melanie, but I think evidence is lacking in some parts...and they aren't the most interesting options for me personally. So what DO I think is haunting these places? Well...hear me out. What if...it's The Piper?

Ever since I composed my first list of✨the horrors✨, The Piper has always been there, but never for the same reasons as everything else. Most of the beings I claim to exist (minus the technology related one, but if you've read my thoughts on Binary you know that's an absolute ride), I only put on that list due to how much they pop up over and over again, and often, whether or not they have notable followers. Stuff like fire, darkness, falling, disease, spiders, meat, compression, isolation, so on and so forth, have all shown up many times...but The Piper hasn't. I've only ever included it on this list due to the fact that it's described in a very abstract and spectral nature, and...that it is literally the embodiment of war, which feels much more god-level than monster-level. But like...it has never shown up past its debut episode, and MAYBE in Grifter's Bone, but I've always thought that was a bit of a stretch. As time has progressed, I've honestly become less and less sure of its status as one of ✨the horrors✨, only really holding on to it because I liked my number of fourteen, based on how many passages Robert Smirke made beneath The Reform Club. But...this has kind of changed things for me. Like I said, I FEEL like I'm making a stretch here...but I will take any excuse I can if it means making The Piper important again. Because...just look at the themes of this episode. War is a very obvious returning motif, but then...all of the history behind the hospital train, along with the mad Ghurkas in Amritsar, revolves around people going mad with an insatiable lust for blood, carnage and the formation of wounds. That is...way too damn similar to what happened to Wilfred Owen and all of the other soldiers for me to simply ignore. I REALLY feel like The Piper might be haunting the hospital train, and even if there weren't really any themes of bloodlust in Skintight, it was probably still...somewhat present in CMH by extension. And it doesn't stop there! In retrospect...I feel like it might've been even more present throughout the podcast than I ever realized. For example, let's go back to Grifter's Bone. Now that the whole bloodlust thing has become more apparent, the idea of Alfred Grifter being a servant of The Piper who drove all of the people at his performances to murder and/or suicide feels a lot more likely. It also helps that the people at his performance in Soho were seemingly ghosts, since due to the ghost of the mad medic on the train, The Piper being pretty spectral in the way it's described, and Melanie formerly running...Ghost Hunt UK, it is very possible that ghosts are a recurring motif here as well. And then you also have The Tale of a Field Hospital. Granted, Amherst is the main focus of this episode, and I think he's connected to The Flesh Hive. But...I don't know, the episode DOES take place in a military hospital, and lightly touches on the horrors of war here and there, so...hm. I guess I COULD also throw Cheating Death and Crusader into the mix, since both of them take place during wars, but...honestly, I think the settings of war are more likely there to act as nothing more than a framing device, since the episodes overall deal with very different themes, and seemingly different members of ✨the horrors✨. I mean...Crusader did kind of touch on the topic of war so...maybe, but I'm not as convinced as I am with other episodes. The only real problem with this line of thinking that comes to mind is that...some episodes lack certain aspects of The Piper. Grifter's Bone doesn't really deal with the idea of war at all, and Skintight, The Tale of a Field Hospital and this episode have little to do with music. But even so...I'd love it if I was on to something here. This theory is...admittedly pretty self-indulgent on my part. I'm really only making it because...I've put a lot of thought into how I define ✨the horrors✨ over the course of the past few months, and I'd REALLY like to be proven...somewhat correct, though i'd be stunned if I got it nailed down 100%. Either way, I hope I'm on to...something here.

That concludes my recap and analysis of Melanie's statement in The Smell of Blood! This was another fantastic episode, I'm just...really happy that Melanie's proven to be a relevant character with an ongoing story, and the potential implications provided by the themes of the episode really excite me, and I'm pleasantly surprised by how much it made me look back at previous episodes, despite the narrative seeming relatvely self-contained at first glance. It also had tons of creepy imagery, and...yeah, just a great time, I'm super excited to see how it all pans out! But...there is no way in hell that I can ignore what comes afterwards. Because oh. my. god. Well, starting off with the simpler, but...arguably just as concerning(?) part, we have the matter of Melanie's next move. Because...you know how I mentioned the bloodshed Hay witnessed at the infirmary in Amritsar. Well, because she is, once again, cursed to parallel Jon...Melanie is unfortunately STILL not giving up, taking a trip to India, and giving her statement...in case she dies. Oh....I...really DO NOT LIKE THAT!!!! That is a bad, BAD death flag. Best case scenario is that she sees another really traumatizing thing, and gets to give another statement, but worse case scenario...she doesn't come back at all. PLEASE be careful Melanie, I...really do not want her to die now. Honestly, I feel like right now is like...the most worried I have ever been for the character's lives. I mean, it makes sense, I've obviously gotten more and more attatched as time goes on, but like...I SAW what happened to Sasha at the end of the last season...DON'T DO THIS TO ME AGAIN PLEASE. Oh yeah...there's that too. So...turns out the theory was indeed correct. For some unknown reason (I'm guessing it's the encounter with Sarah, since there's some level of tangible connection going on there)...Melanie is capable of seeing through Not!Sasha's facade. I will say that it was nice to get some canon description of OG Sasha, which thankfully lines up with my pre-conceived mental image of her, and hear that her and Melanie actually got along quite well, talking about haunted pubs (which is a cute reference to A Distortion), but overall...holy shit. When Melanie starts proclaiming that...who Jon thinks is Sasha is someone else, things obviously get heated. (and they were actually getting along a bit...sigh) Melanie accuses him of gaslighting, and unfortunately storms off, but Jon...is understandably not doing too well. I will admit that I initially found his...less than calm reaction to Melanie's words a bit hasty at first, but honestly...given where he is mentally right now, especially with his suspicion of Not!Sasha growing, I think it makes sense for something like that to trigger him. And I mean....based on his supplemental, I definitely think he's starting to get a better hunch as to what's going on. Jon ends the episode by saying that now that Melanie's given her statement, he's ready to sort through the tapes Basira gave him...and thinks he knows where to start. ....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! You see, I was RIGHT to put in those pre-finale speculations after the last episode! Things are about to get so, so wild...and I am very far from prepared for it. But like...what does Jon mean when he says he knows where to start with all those Gertrude tapes? Does it somehow connect to Melanie's statement? Or...is it somehow about Not!Sasha? At the very least, Jon mentions there being multiple stories in the archives about things that decieve and trick you (holy shit that's what I said one of ✨the horrors✨ was related to HOLY SHIT)...so I feel like it has to be tangentially connected to the latter at the very least. Either way...there's no chance the next episode ISN'T a Gertrude tape, so...I'll just wait and see. What I do know is that as always with her, there is going to be some lore...and I don't know if I can process that right now! Oh dear...four more episodes...how did I get this far...

Supplemental: Ok, here's some...random miscellaneous thoughts I wanted to put out. So, first off....man I really miss the rest of the archival team. I mean, I think their lack of presence is a really smart move, it's good to sacrifice that if it means showing how distant Jon has become...but I miss them so much :(. Hopefully they'll show up in time for the finale though. Secondly, and I've been meaning to mention this for AGES now, but...Jon has been getting more and more sloppy with his recordings now. I think I first noticed it in Still Life, where he mentioned not trusting his assistants on the main tape, but like...now we have episodes like A Long Way Down, where he leaves both evidence of conspiracy with Basira, and possession of Gertrude's tapes on the main recording as well. Just...I really hope that doesn't have repercussions. ...Oh who am I kidding it's absolutely going to have repercussions. And finally...I kind of just wanted to talk about...some of the "fake" things that showed up in Still Life, what with Sarah Baldwin and Not!Sasha being pretty relevant right now. Namely, I wanted to discuss The Other Circus and Breekon and Hope. You see, given how much this podcast jumps around in time, I find it kind of hard to remember what's something worth worrying about, and what's a tale of the past. Like, you would be surprised by how many times I've forgotten that Gerard is dead in the present. So on that note...I'm kind of wondering if The Other Circus is even around anymore? Things like the calliope and the fake tiger are definitely still here, but for all we know, those are just remnants of a long-gone organization, with the only known encounter with the circus itself being in the 1950s. Hell, the fact that those artifacts aren't in their possession makes it seem even more likely they're inactive, along with the fact that the ringmaster, Gregor Orsinov, was described in a way that made him seem...somewhat older in the 50s, so I don't know how likely it is that he's even around. Well, provided that he ages like a normal human to begin with (I say as I shoot looks at Mary, Agnes and Rayner). I also just wanted to touch on Breekon and Hope. These guys have shown up a ton, and while I've investigated their motives and alignments and...all of that before, I've never really questioned...what they even are? Like, seriously. What are they supposed to be? Are they brothers? Cousins? Friends? ...Lovers? I genuinely have no idea, but at the very least I doubt they're normal humans, since they don't seem to have aged at all between the 50s and present day. Well, you know, based on what little description we get of them. Uh...ok, that's all, just needed to get some random thoughts off my chest. See you next time, where...some ungodly shit is going to happen, I bet.

- Episode 77, The Kind Mother ❌

Case 9941509. Lucy Cooper. Incident occurred in Draycott, Somerset, August 1994. Victim’s name given as Rose Cooper.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!! So...uh...yikes. I mean...at least I'm DEFINITELY right about things going to shit...christ almighty. This episode....I mean, where to even begin? Well, can I just say that this one is an absolute triumph? Firstly, I'm really happy that Season 2 is having...a more focused buildup to its finale, I guess? What I mean by that is, like, Season 1 kind of just had an assortment of miscellaneous statements that didn't connect to what we were dealing with, and then BOOM! All of a sudden worms. That wasn't a problem at all, since not only was there plenty of other episodes building up the attack throughout the second half of the season, as well as...little extra plot bits in most of those later episodes, but I'm also not immune to the comedic value of the last somewhat standard Season 1 episode being the homophobic vase one. My point is though, I think it's really cool that they're focusing entirely on...what we now know is called The NotThem (which feels like a pretty obvious name in retrospect), even before the real "finale". But mentioning that...thing, the other thing that impresses me about the episode is just...how innovative it is. While there's been many instances of returning characters over the course of these two seasons, each episode has still had a pretty individual concept. This one however, is entirely centered around something we're all too familiar with at this point, and yet it STILL manages to stand out in...what is conceptually the most terrifying utilization of The NotThem to date, in my opinion. That's just...a huge testament to the writing quality we're dealing with here. But uh...yeah, this was yet another fantastic one! More of Gertrude after not hearing her for a while was great, some of the lore the episode set up was...holy shit we'll get into that, and OH GOD I AM SO SCARED JON PLEASE DON'T GO INTO THIS ALONE AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Truth be told, since this episode deals with a very familiar concept, I might not have a ton to say about the actual statement beyond a recap and some miscellaneous thoughts, but that's totally fine, because...boy do I have a few things to say about everything else. Don't worry, it's not Thought for the Day level...although it does kind of come back to that...uh...you'll see. So uh...let's just get this one over with. (I mean that in the best way possible, I'm just very scared right now.)

So, as expected, this episode is another one given by Gertrude. ...Thank god, the amount of worry I had for the chances of getting another one for like...10 episodes straight was staggering. I do find it kind of funnily convenient that she just...happened to record one about the exact thing Jon needs to know about right now, and he got ahold of it at that exact time. It's not a problem, more a godsent than anything else, but it made me chuckle. What's also convenient is that Gertrude thankfully knows to say when exactly she's recording her tapes, and from this, we know that this is the earliest one so far. Unfortunately, that means there's no real information on her murder here, but it does give us a better sense of how long The NotThem has been around for, and...maybe there's some hidden clues that hint towards what the institute was like at the time, since Elias would've probably only been appointed as head very recently, maybe not all depending on how late into 1996 he even was brought in. If so, I couldn't pick up on any clues...but I'll keep it in mind just in case. This was also the first Gertrude tape since Tightrope that's actually narrated by her, which is great since I absolutely love her voice...but it also made me come to a realization. You see, while Gertrude still reads her statements in a very convincing and immersive way, it's not quite...on the same level of insane dramatic theatre kid as Jon. And it's not in a way that makes me think it's like....a testament to the difference in skill between VAs (because holy shit if Sue Sims isn't brilliant I don't know what she is), it comes off as more of a...potentially plot relevant thing. Like, I've said a couple of times that I'm kind of getting suspicious of...why Jon reads statements so dramatically, because as the institute itself gets weirder and weirder, I start to doubt that he's just a theatre kid (although I still think he IS that either way.) Gertrude however...I don't know, she felt a lot more calm and composed, the difference between her regular voice and statement voice is a lot more subtle to me. I might be reading too much into things here, but...I'm curious, I feel like this is a weird difference between the two worth noting. Well, while there's still a lot of intrigue surrounding Gertrude, for now I'll go over the statement. This one comes from a woman named Lucy Cooper, and, I'm just going to cut to the chase, her mother, Rose Cooper, has been replaced by The NotThem. Already, an aspect of this episode that sets it apart from other instances of this same idea is the familial connection, which goes a surprisingly long way in terms of creativity. And uh...on that note, I kind of want to discuss the whole..."how is it that certain people can see through The NotThem's disguise" dilemma. I certainly have my own thoughts on it, which I'll go over in due time, but I wanted to address a certain theory that I saw a lot of people in the YouTube comments throwing around.

Basically, the theory states that the people who can see through the facade are those who know of, but aren't super close to the person who's been replaced. Amy Patel stalked Graham Folger, but they were only brief acquaintances outside of that. Melanie knows of and was rather fond of Sasha, but they only had like...one conversation. And then Lucy obviously knows Rose, but is far from close to her. And...yeah, I can see where that idea comes from, it's a decent foundation, but...I'd have to disagree. And the reason for that is...those relationships are far from rare. Most people have plenty of relationships with others that boil down to being...brief acquantances, or familiar faces that don't know each other personally. Like, take Graham for example. He never came off as an especially social person, but I'm sure plenty of people recognized his face, so statistically speaking, there would be way more than just Amy claiming that Not!Graham was a different person. Same probably goes for Sasha, you'd think that someone in a different department of the institute, who probably only sees her around the hallways once in a while would've noticed something, but...no. So yeah, while this theory isn't entirely unfounded or impossible, I have my doubts, personally. I'll go over my thoughts on how I think this...actually works soon enough, but for now, back to the statement. So, Lucy and Rose Cooper have never gotten along particularly well. The latter was always extremely blunt, harsh and/or critical towards her daughter, to the point where Lucy could never feel accomplished at anything due to the constant critique. Honestly, I really liked the light that was shed on this kind of parent-child dynamic in this episode, it kind of reminded me of A Long Way Down with how the relationship is a lot more...subtly toxic, not exactly flat-out abusive but...still wrong, and the episode makes a good point of that. It all came to a head when Lucy and Rose got into a big argument about the man who proposed to the former, the latter stating he was a piece of scum who'd preveng her from achieving anything. This caused Lucy to entirely ditch her mother for nearly a decade, and she spent that decade trying to convince herself that she was fundamentally different from her mother...but deep down she knew that it was their similarities, their shared stubborness, that drove them apart. Lucy would go through two separate affairs, yet still stuck with her husband out of fear of her mother being proven right. Even when said husband got jailed for embezzlement, she still refused to talk to her. However, when her father, George Cooper, fell from a ladder and ended up in a wheelchair, Lucy decided she should finally make amends. Oh hey, there's another similarity to A Long Way Down. Hopefully it doesn't have the same freaky connotations, maybe Jonny just had a bad experience with a ladder and needed to vent when he was writing around this time, I don't know. But...yeah, Lucy had a much more positive relationship with her dad, even if he was somewhat quiet and inefficient in the face of Rose, so she thought that if it meant being there for him, she should probably try to reconnect...in general. When she first visited Draycott, the village in Somerset her parents now called home, it...wasn't exactly easy. Her mother hadn't changed beyond her age, and she wasn't above getting into more fights with her daughter, but George was always happy to see Lucy, and...Rose liked seeing him happy, so they made a sort of uneasy truce. Hell, despite the long journey to and from London, Lucy found a reason to go more often. She had been doing work on oral histories for the British Library, and Rose just so happened to have studied a lot of English and Welsh folklore in her time as an academic, so despite her initial reluctance, she ended up making some recordings for her daughter to use, and all in all...everything was pretty decent! Well...you know, for a time at least.

So...that's great, everything's going pretty well right? Lucy and Rose are doing their own mini-version of tma, they live in a village known for local myths and legends in a podcast that loves to exploit that sort of thing for the sake of making manmade horrors beyond our comprehension, what could go wrong? Well..everything, obviously. Roughly two weeks before giving her statement, Lucy returned to Draycott for another visit, but the person who opened the door was...odd. She was wearing Rose's clothes, but was nothing like her. She was short, less thin, and had long curly white hair, as opposed to Rose's much shorter cut. She made an...oddly joyful laugh, and when George came in as if everything was normal, that's when Lucy started to get concerned. She started questioning where her mother was, but her father just looked at her with a confused expression, repremanding Lucy for her "unfunny joke" while...ok no need for ominous buildup, we're callling her Not!Rose, just stood there with open arms. A...couple of things came to my mind at this point. Firstly, at around seven minutes in, a static noise plays that...I SWEAR has never shown up in the podcast before. It could just be some new audio resource Rusty Quill got their hands on, but...like with everything else that relates to the audio...I can't help bu be suspicious right now. I know Jonny and Alex have went on record to say that the music is the one thing that doesn't matter, but like...what if that noise doesn't count as music. The weird thing is though...you'd kind of think that if a unique static was to play at this point, it'd be the one that plays when Not!Sasha's around, but...no. It's entirely different and....AAAAAGGGHHH I'm so confused. Well anyways, the other thing i found really interesting was...Not!Rose's general behavior, as opposed to OG Rose's. It's here when I realized why the episode was called "The Kind Mother"...and this single aspect of the episode is what makes it so special and terrifying to me. Although...I kind of wish they took it a step further? You see, every other instance of The NotThem has been like...nothing but a purely negative thing. There is absolutely no benefit to it killing Graham and Sasha, but here...it's a different story. Rose might be dead and replaced, which is obviously terrifying...but Lucy now has the ideal relationship with her "mother" that she always wanted, so there's unfortunately a good side to the scenario. I just...kind of wished they utilized that a bit more? Don't get me wrong, I still think what they actually did, with Lucy realizing how much her mother actually meant to her in the end, was fantastic, and even if it;s not utilized to its prime, the dilemma of Rose's replacement is still really cool conceptually. And I mean, this is the earliest example of The NotThem timeline-wise, so they need to explain how it made its way to Graham and Sasha, meaning that Not!Rose can't stay around forever. But like...I don't know, I think they could've done more? Like, this statement takes place in 1994, while Across the Street is in the mid-2000s. Sure, more people might have gotten replaced between that time, but based on what we currently have, I think it would've been interesting if Lucy...let Not!Rose stay around in hopes of having a better relationship with her mother, because that would've felt just as fucked up as the paranormal stuff, and would also create a trend of the protagonist being morally questionable in NotThem statements. (Looking at you, Amy "it's not stalking it's people-watching" Patel.) But hey, I'm still more than satisfied with what we got, and there's definitely some morbid comedy in Lucy being like "you're way too nice to be my real mom." Well uh...tangent aside, back to the plot.

So, for the next couple of hours Lucy goes through the typical NotThem awareness experience. You know, feeling like the entire world is trying to gaslight you into thinking you're a gaslighter, being extremely creeped out by the person you don't recognize, questioning the fate of the person you do recognize, overall an average Thursday in the UK. After a while, Lucy excuses herself in order to call the police, but when she does...she sees a collection of family photos on the walls. And as expected, all of them show Not!Rose, clearly not being staged due to a crease on one picture, which Lucy recalls accidentally sitting on during a car journey when she was a child. What was initially weird to me though was how...Lucy mentions Not!Rose aging throughout the pictures. I found this odd, because I recalled that a picture of teenage Graham showed a boy that looked nothing like Not!Graham, making me assume that The NotThem was only capable of editing pictures or recordings that were taken somewhat recently, or at the very least maintained enough of the original person's features. Thankfully, we do get an explanation as to why that picture of Graham didn't change later on, and it's not related to age, so...it's just good to know that The NotThem isn't beyond that capability. Anyways, Lucy starts freaking out. She pulls out a family photo album, and sits down with Not!Rose and her father, frantically flipping through the pages for hours as the former looks on with mocking amusement, not finding a single picture of the real Rose Cooper. She asked after some neighbors who had known George and Rose since they moved in, but they said that Rose had...always looked like she supposedly did now. However, when Lucy went to visit a kindly vicar named Neil Angus at the Church of St. Peter's, she found something interesting. He said the same thing as George and the neighbors, but said that Rose had a fall outside the church roughly a week ago, and that...even though she was fine in the end, her scream was like nothing he'd ever heard. ...Given what happened to Sasha in Infestation, I feel confident saying I know what he means by that. But...I feel like I should address one of the strangest aspects of this episode now. As I'm sure most people noticed at this point, this is the first episode with The NotThem that doesn't include that stupid fucking table. Based on Not!Sasha's conversation with Jon in High Pressure, not only did I come to the conclusion that there was only one NotThem, which Gertrude confirms here (that has nothing to do with my point here, I'm just saying HA HA I WAS RIGHT), but from my perspective, she implied that she was trapped by the table in some sort of way. This leads me to believe that originally, The NotThem was able to roam entirely freely, but at some point in between 1994 and 2005, it got trapped inside the table, and can only attack those who get close to it, with Breekon and Hope acting as its couriers. You could maybe say that the table was behind the church, but like...I'm sure Mr. Angus would've mentioned that if it really was there, and also, a table behind a church...I don't know, that just sounds really dumb and not aesthetically pleasing to me for some reason. Disregarding that though, I think the most important takeaway from this whole thing is that The NotThem wasn't connected to the table from birth, meaning that my idea that it was somehow the combined souls of all the dead Hill Top Road children looking to regain some semblance of identity is...most likely incorrect. I do also have to question...who or what even got The NotThem trapped in the first place? Given how Raymond, a likely servant of the spiders, was seemingly using its power, I'd have to assume it was probably done by someone of his caliber. Oh god....and that's without questioning where either the table or The NotThem even come from to begin with, how the table got removed from Hill Top Road in the first place, how ANYTHING AND ANYONE IN THIS WORLD EVEN WORKS....I need a drink, badly.

Ok, uh...going forward. So, after talking to Mr. Angus, Lucy goes home and confronts her "mother" about the fall, to which Not!Rose responds with...saying she had a "bit of a funny turn". ...You son/daughter/gender neutral offspring of a bitch, that is some cruel-ass wordplay. Ultimately, Lucy leaves Somerset, but when she does...she comes to a realization. She listens to the tape recordings that she made of her conversations with her mother, and finds that the voice of the original Rose is still on them. ...Oh boy. So, I honestly completely forgot that Not!Sasha had stolen all of the tapes with Sasha's voice on them, but...this not only reminds me of it, but seemingly confirms that she didn't necessarily steal them to learn more about Sasha...but because Sasha's voice can still be heard on them. Granted, given where Jon is at right now, I don't think it matters whether or not he finds the tapes, since...he's definitely already figured it out, but it's nice to finally get some confirmation that the tapes work like that. However...I don't actually think that this shows us anything wrong with the tapes at the institute. Not only because Lucy's tapes function the same, but because Gertrude also mentions that polaroids function in the same way, which actually explains why that picture of teenage Graham shows his original self, because it was apparently a polaroid. ...The amount of stuff that must have been planned in advance for this podcast is insane. Like, all of that was in EPISODE 3, that's still so insane to me. Now, tapes and polaroids share something in common, and that is of course the fact that they are rather old and primitive ways of recording audio and images respectively. This has led me to the assumption that The NotThem might be on...the younger side of all of the freaky creatures we've seen so far, and might not be naturally adapted to change older, or maybe even newer recordings of things. I'm sure there's a bit more to it...but that's the best guess as to why these forms of recording evade its clutches for the time being. And who knows, this knowledge could be very important if there's another significant storyline involving this thing. Ultimately though, Lucy decides to give one of the tapes to the institute, and show the rest to her father, hoping that it'll get him to believe her, while also coming to terms with the fact that...this is probably the only way she'll ever hear her mother's voice again, which is a really great metaphor for grief. I think that part is where the familial connection really shines for me, even though Lucy and Rose are not on good terms, and understandably so...this is the most personal instance of The NotThem so far, with the obvious exception of Not!Sasha, but...that's more personal to the audience in my opinion, and up until very recently, it's been personal in the "oh god they have no idea" sort of way, since only Melanie has noticed, and she wasn't SUPER close to Sasha. Well...there's also Elias and Micheal, but who knows what's even up with that. Unfortunately though, two days after the statement, George Cooper was found to have died from a gas leak which was totally not intentional...and the being calling itself Rose Cooper was never seen again. ...Damn. Overall, a fantastic story. I thought it was a really creepy and clever spin on a pre-existing concept, a great way to keep the main story moving forward while sticking to the format of statements, and...yeah, it was just great! But of course, this is a Gertrude tape...which means we can't finish things off without being confused.

Ok, before I get into...everything, I should make something clear. So, you know how I get sent into rabbit holes by the most random, probably not-all-that-crazy things that show up? Well wouldn't you know it, that happened again. There is...one specific thing that Gertrude says that sent me in some wild directions, like, literally a single line. I'm just going to dance around that for the time being, go over everything that's said by her and Jon, and THEN talk about it. For now...Jesus Christ this old woman. I...absolutely love her, she is one of the coolest characters in the show, but her presence is terrrifying and her words are vague. Just like...every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere, this in-universe loremaster comes along and just...paints the walls red with information. She is everything, she knows everything, and yet I know NOTHING. So um...what does she say? Well, she mentions that there was apparently another statement regarding The NotThem that she read before this one, though likely not on tape. The statement was submitted on July 6th, 1991 by a man named Adelard Dekker, who seemingly named the creature, and based on what Jon proclaims at the end of the episode, it definitely seems like that'll be the next episode. ...I'm not getting a moment of respite for a while, am I? You know, I once heard that Season 3 is apparently really intense. ...Does that imply that...this ISN'T intense?! HELLO?! Anyways, It's also said that this statement is where Gertrude learned about how polaroids aren't affected, so that gives us at least a little bit of preliminary information. Gertrude also says that she feels content knowing that The NotThem sows chaos...apparently without any motive, and that it would be much worse if it had a purpose. I'll touch on this a bit more later, but...I'm concerned by what that implies. Like...huh? Why is that a problem? I mean, Micheal doesn't seem to have much of a motive beyond wanting to fuck things up, and he's pretty dangerous. But now that I think about it...do we even know what anyone's motives even are? Like, we have a sense of...goals here and there, but even that's pretty sparce. There's a bunch of people doing some truly horrific shit, but...we really don't know why, and based on what Gertrude says here...maybe it's better off that way? But like...nowadays, we have Breekon and Hope transporting The NotThem around via the table, so...does that have a purpose at all? Maybe? Maybe not? I....UUUUGGGHHHH EVERYTHING SHE SAYS IS SO VAGUE!!! Anyways, the...almost final thing she says is that she's destroyed the tape Lucy provided, as she doesn't want to draw The NotThem's attention. A bit dissapointing, since I would've loved to hear Lucy and Rose's voices, but I guess it's understandable. It...does concern me to see further proof that Gertrude was not above making enemies of powerful forces though. Like, if she thought there was a possibility of her getting replaced, that is not a good sign. ...Okay, I need to get this off my chest, are we SURE that she didn't get murdered by an eldritch monster, or just straight up one of ✨the horrors✨? Like, I know Jon thinks a human murdered her, and I know his top suspect is the person in the tunnels, and I know that person is confirmed to be a male-presenting human, but...really? Sure, I know she was shot, but like...I literally just made a theory on why one of ✨the horrors✨ was war incarnate, and said incarnation of war literally opened up a random bullet wound in a guy's head, I don't think eldricth gods are beyond using weapons anymore. (This isn't to say I think The Piper killed Gertrude, I think that's quite a stretch, but like...you get the point.) But stuff like that, combined with everything she's been saying and doing...man, I don't know. There are some good human candidates, but I am REALLY starting to suspect other things. Then again...this entire arc is about a monster that pretends to be a human, so...maybe she was killed by both? I...I really don't know. Gertrude Robinson, you are an absolute enigma.

Ok, so what about Jon? How's he doing? ...How do you think. The tagline of Season 2 might as well be "This guy does not sound like he is in a very good condition", and I regret to inform you that despite all of his attempts to get better, this...might just be the worst state he's ever been in. Although granted, I think it's actually pretty fair this time. Now that I think about it...I have not bullied this man for his antics in a while, have I? Either he's getting better, or I'm sinking down to his level. Oh, and on the note of bullying him...I think the YouTube comment section deserves this man a formal apology. Look, this podcast has a surprisingly great comment section, for the most part it's really civil and intelligent. But...some people really have grinded my gears with how they've treated Jon. Sure, I poke fun at him here and there, but when it comes to Not!Sasha...really? Like, for some reason, everyone gave him so much shit for not noticing what was going on with her, and I see that as either a lack of fact-checking how The NotThem works, getting way into a fandom joke to the point where it starts to affect your media literacy towards a character, or both, and frankly, all of those options suck. It's far from that big of a deal..I just needed to get it off my chest, because it's a bit of a nuisance. Well, disregarding all of that....my poor guy :(. Jonny continues to absolutely astound me with his delivery, the part where he cuts himself off before he can say "how it kills" when referring to The NotThem, and you hear him choking up as he slowly comes to the realization that...Sasha has been dead for over half a year, and he's been none the wiser the entire time...it really got to me. It's...kind of setting in to me how tragic the whole scenario is as well. I don't have much more to say about the tragedy behind her death that I didn't say in my final post on Season 1, but...I've spent so much time worried about Not!Sasha, worried about what she's planning, that I feel like I never really took the time to properly grieve the loss of a character who, despite having a very sparse number of scenes, I quickly grew attached to. And I feel like that's intentional. The NotThem would WANT me to forget Sasha, and I think the reveal that it's motiveless, that I shouldn't have been worried about its plans, that it'll just leave after a while and replace someone else...it makes it sting so much more. This thing is a truly evil creature, through and through. Rest in peace Sasha James, I hope that wherever you are, you've learned how to pronounce "calliope". And as much as I hate to say "well anyways"...going back to Jon, he says that he plans to find the statement from Adelard Dekker...and then find out how to kill The NotThem, clearly without any intention of taking anyone else's help. Oh. dear. god. You know how I said I wanted the archival assistants (minus one, obviously) to come back? Yeah, well...we need Martin and Tim more than ever now! Not Elias though, he's either useless or sketchy to me. If that doesn't work...well, I know Basira wants out, but like...she'd also be really helpful right now! But either way, just...PLEASE be careful Jon. You literally just met someone in a near identical headspace to you, and admitted that her chances of survival are slim, CAN YOU JUST LEARN TO READ THE ROOM PLEASE?! I...get the feeling he's going to come out of this with...whatever the Season 2 equivalent of his worm scars are, and I don't like that. But uh...that's the end! Or...at least it would be the end, if it wasn't for that one line. That. single. line. That thing Gertrude said that sent me into some dangerous ass waters. So what is that line, hm?

"Personally, I suspect it to be an aspect of The Stranger, though that's entirely conjecture at this point." - Gertrude Robinson, 1996

...COULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE MA'AM?! Oh god...I am so, SO tired... So of course, as this is one of the final episodes of the season we just...CAN'T leave without a line that drives me up the goddamn wall. So...the main thing of interest that Gertrude mentions here is "The Stranger." Now, I'm pretty certain that the word "stranger" has shown up here and there before, and I have a hunch that the word "the" has done the same, which I know might seem like a stretch but stay with me, but...this time it's capitalized. Meaning that "The Stranger" is a tangible, relevant, in-universe concept, that we have never heard of before. And Gertrude just HAPPENS to know what it means, because of course she does. I have...two interpretations of what exactly The Stranger is. One of these theories is shorter and simpler, but more logical and likely, while another is a bit more of a stretch that relies on other theories, but is much longer, complicated, and...for me at least, a fair bit more interesting. Let's start out with the former.

So, what is another "The (Something)" that's capitalized? ...Ok that was very specific, my point is, a term similar to "The Stranger" in this way is "The End", something that also sounds like an abstract concept, but is talked about as if it's an actual thing that exists. Basically...it's because of the way it's talked about that I've deemed "The End" as a member of ✨the horrors✨, and logically, the same should therefore go for "The Stranger". Now, since...I think the episode Still Life, I've deemed Not!Sasha, and by extension The NotThem as a whole, to be connected to a number of other beings, all of which had some sort of involvement with The Trophy Room taxidermy shop. The first of these beings was The Anglerfish, along with its supposed servants, so like, Sarah Baldwin, Daniel Rawlings, and presumably the other three who went missing on Old Fishmarket Close. Not only did Not!Sasha eagerly volunteer to go to The Trophy Room herself to meet with Daniel, but she shares a lot of similarities with The Anglerfish's people, namely the fact that they are all rather odd people who seemingly kill and replace their victims, but take on appearances entirely different from that original person. They aren't entirely the same, since Sarah and Daniel have an odd association with skin and taxidermy, and also don't seem to have the same mind-altering abilities as The NotThem, but there's enough similarities there regardless. Another being...s it's connected to are Breekon and Hope. Not only do they have some sort of partnership with The Trophy Room, but they were also the people who delivered the table, and by extension it, to the institute, and were even seen traveling with...who is presumably Tom, Not!Sasha's boyfriend, during the incident that put Daisy in Section 31. And finally, there's The Other Circus. Or....Another Circus? The Circus of The Other? Whatever, there's a lot of weird names for this thing. Admittedly, their involvement with Still Life is pretty tangential, only seen via the fake tiger from Tightrope being kept in The Trophy Room, but like...still, Breekon and Hope worked with them for a time, and all of these beings have this...weird association with being fake as well. The NotThem, The Anglerfish and it's people all seem to be monsters that pose as human, Breekon and Hope are uncannily similar, while also getting very little visual description and speaking in a really weird way, the people they've traveled with are also very indescript, ad everything about The Other Circus, from its performers to its animals to its damned audience, is fake. So with all of that in mind, I think it makes a ton of sense to say that all of these things serve the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and that said member of ✨the horrors✨...might just be called "The Stranger"! Which honestly feels super fitting! Anglerfish is as much of a lesson in stranger danger as it is an anti-smoking PSA, same goes for the "John" we meet in Do Not Open, and "Tom" as well, The NotThem, Sarah and Daniel are all fake, unrecognizable people...at least to some, Breekon and Hope are creepy delivery men who show up out of nowhere, and I mean...a traveling Russian circus that wasn't controlled by the Russian government in the 50s? So like...weird strangers who show up in your town out of nowhere? Yeah, "The Stranger" fits all of them perfectly. And if you go with the idea I proposed in Thought for the Day, of all of ✨the horrors✨ being fear incarnate, then they work really well with the fear of being deceived or gaslit, or like...fear of unreality, I guess. Honestly...I think this is a very solid theory! I would be extremely happy if I was proven right here, I think it works really well, it could be executed fantastically given the combination of themes under one idea, and it would also mean I...finally have a name for whatever the hell these things connect to! But....even though this is already great progress in terms of theorizing...I will admit...I just HAD to take this one step further. I am...so sorry.

Let me be very clear: I don't think I'm right here. I wouldn't call this theory implausible at all, I think it overall has a pretty solid collection of evidence and would work really well. But ultimately, it all comes down to the fact that I think the former theory, the one where "The Stranger" refers to one of ✨the horrors✨, works a lot better overall. That one feels like...at the very least, something the podcast wants me to consider as a possibility, and it's built more off of connections that near indesputably exist, and honestly, I can't see many holes in the argument, nor do i think it really requires me to rethink anything I've already proposed in the past, it just expands on things. This one is a lot more out there, a lot more self-indulgent, there's probably more holes in it, and it would require me to rethink how I view ✨the horrors✨...quite a bit, which...I REALLY don't want to have to do until the podcast explains things, at least for now. And that's why I'm just saying that...take it with a grain of salt. It's not Micheal-theory levels of crazy, (although Micheal is involved in it, because of course he is), but honestly, I am just as, if not more content with the other theory, and for the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to stick with that one until something else comes up, whether that be validation, deconfirmation, or anything that puts me in a different, more logical direction. That being said...this theory was just...way too much fun for me to not talk about anyways. Ok, enough dawdling, what even is this theory? Well...here's the thing. You see, one thing that weirded me out about that line from Gertrude was how she called The NotThem an..."aspect" of The Stranger. When it comes to ✨the horrors✨, I've always thought of the things that connect to them, but aren't actually the real deal as...servants, devotees, cultists, that sort of thing. Sure, The NotThem is more of a monster that a human cultist, but...I still found that wording weird. It makes "The Stranger" sound less like some sort of eldritch god, and more like...a concept, a term that refers to a specific category of something. I mean, I have suggested that ✨the horrors✨ are literally fear incarnate, so...they could be both eldritch gods and abstract concepts for all I know, but...just hear me out for a second. I'm well aware this is a major stretch, but...what if "The Stranger" isn't one of ✨the horrors✨ at all? What if it's something entirely different, a larger category of...things, still freaky monsters, but ones that function a lot differently? ...Oh boy, here we go. So, another wording choice that came from Gertrude that weirded me out was the part where she refers to The NotThem as "reality-bending." I'm like...80% sure I'm reading into nothing here, but like...why not use a term like "mind-bending" or "memory-altering" instead? "Reality-bending" still works...but it seems a bit grandiose, maybe not as concise. So um...I'm sure you're aware about my theory that all of tma is basically one big simulation, or something adjacent. I'm not going to recap all of it, since it would take WAY too long, but like...refer back to my thoughts on Binary, Thought for the Day, and Fatigue if you want the entire theory so far. The basic rundown is that I think the entire world of tma might be somewhat artificial, and that Thought for the Day is like...a smallscale version of the entire lore. I think the world of tma might have been built as an experiment into human fear, and that all of ✨the horrors✨ are...literally manmade beings made to do...something with that fear, and they often "mark" those who experience enough of said fear. But that aside...the main importance this theory holds to my Stranger theory here comes from Fatigue. With that episode, I suggested that Lydia Halligan had somehow...seen the cracks in the simulation, and that it was probably due to our beloved blond boy, Micheal! Yes...he's back. I avoided talking about him with the last episode, so I think I've earned this one.

I basically suggested that Micheal was a...sort of virus in tma's code, since it paired really well with his whole "not making sense, the door was never there before" thing, would explain is relative neutrality outside of his desire to fuck with people, the insane knowledge he holds, and how and why exactly he did...what I think he did to Lydia. ...Ok why am I even telling you this, that episode summary is in this exact same post. Although it's...actually been nearly two weeks since I wrote that. ....It's been slow lately, but I digress. But um...if you recall some of my earlier theories from Season 2...you may know where I'm going with this. You see, I've suggested that there's a lot of similarities between The NotThem (specifically Not!Sasha) and Micheal in the past, and while I've kind of drawn back on that in recent times...I want to look at it again. Some similarities and connections include:

- Micheal and OG Sasha having some notable connections. Admittedly this means like….nothing on a fundamental text level, but it…might have some thematic relevance, I don’t know.

- Both of them are spindly figures who are…kind of human but also not really, and pose as more human than they actually are.

- Micheal is one of the few people who are able to see through Not!Sasha’s facade. This…could just be a result of him having more knowledge than most for some entirely unrelated reason, but…let me dream.

- The two of them have different, yet VERY similar static noises that play whenever they’re in the room.

- THE. GOD. DAMN. TABLE. I do definitely think that the pattern on it is more likely to be a spiderweb, given Raymond Fielding’s possession of it (actually…do you think Not!Sasha was trying to kill all of those spiders in the tunnels?), but like…Jon CALLS it a fractal at one point, and Micheal is heavily associated with those, there’s NO way that doesn’t mean…something. Maybe the pattern is just some abstract thing that can be interpreted either way, I don’t know, but there’s…something going on there.

Ok, so overall, my evidence isn't super airtight, but firstly...I did warn you, and secondly, it's enough to give me some brainworms. (teehee...Jane reference.) So...with all of this flimsy, yet interesting evidence in mind...here's what I'm thinking. What if, much like what I think Micheal might be...The NotThem is some sort of invasive virus in the code. And therefore, "The Stranger" is not the name for one of ✨the horrors✨, but instead a term that refers to all things that are not supposed to exist in the artificial world of tma, a different kind of horror. It doesn't mean stranger as in "stranger danger" it means stranger as in "stranger than the other weird shit". Because like...think about it! There's this thing running around, seemingly without any discernable identity or...even genuine existence (which is...VERY unreality-core), that another supposed member of ✨the horrors✨ has went out of its way to imprison, and like...it also has no discernable motive out of sowing chaos and disrupting things? Because not only is that really similar to what Micheal seems to be like, but it also fits PERFECTLY with the idea of a virus, it's disrupting the intended experiment set up by...whatever set up this theoretical simulation! And like...this brings up so many other things! I said I'd mention my thoughts on...how certain people can see through The NotThem earlier, and if my first theory regarding The Stranger is correct, then it's...basically what I've already proposed in the past. Either The NotThem chooses to reveal itself to random people in order to make them look crazy for shits and giggles (which would also work pretty well with this theory to be honest), or...people notice it due to certain experiences. I already mentioned Melanie's encounter with Sarah Baldwin as potential reason for her seeing through Not!Sasha, but maybe Amy saw through Not!Graham because she saw The NotThem enter his window, and Lucy saw through Not!Rose because of her studies into changelings, I don't know, that could work. But if THIS theory is to be believed...then maybe The NotThem is doing what I think Micheal did to Lydia, showing them the cracks in the code. And like...if you frame The NotThem as "taking their place", then maybe it's not actually killing them, but rather setting them free from the simulation, which is also fitting for an external virus that seeks to mess with the status quo! Then maybe Sasha, Graham and Rose are still alive! And...maybe "death" works a little bit differently than I thought...oh god, I'll uh...I'll touch on that in my supplemental.

And this might also give some better insight into the spiders as well. If they, or someone serving them, are responsible for trapping The NotThem in the table, then maybe that implies that they are adamant on keeping the status quo in check, basically the...eldritch IT guys of this universe. I mean, the spiders do have this whole association with control going on, and it would explain why Thought for the Day, which I believe to be a small-scale version of this whole theory, was focused on them specifically. It also really gets me thinking about the knowledge and motives of someone like Raymond Fielding, and also...how the hell The Cult of The Lightless Flame could play into all of this. If they seek to destroy the spiders, then maybe THEY are also similar to Micheal and The NotThem, beings who seek to break the code by burning it to ash, although...that would make the power they serve an aspect of "The Stranger" as well....and potentially the powers of other cults that are similar like The Divine Host....and then like...maybe that means the "struggle" Micheal described is a lot more...one on one than I initially assumed? But like...that would require me to almost entirely rethink my list of ✨the horrors✨ on a moment's notice, and like...how they connect to each other...and I don't have the time or energy to do that right now and....AADGADVADVGADGVADGVADVDDAA. You...you can see why I'm proclaiming this is...kind of a crack theory, right? Like, not a jokey crack theory like the Micheal one , I'm decently serious about it, but...I'm ultimately going to put this one in the bank until I have more evidence, because it's just...a lot less mentally taxing and complicated if I stick with my initial interpretation of The Stranger, and there's stronger evidence, and it doesn't require me to rethink a bunch of other stuff, and...yeah, you get the idea! ....hopefully. ...please? Well um...anways, there is one other thing I feel is important regarding this theory, and that's Gertrude's involvement with it. I feel like if this theory is somehow true, then it could explain why Gertrude says The NotThem not having any motivations or purpose makes it less dangerous than things that do. If this theory is to be believed, then ✨the horrors✨ have some level of purpose, as they're intentionally built into the simulation in order to carry out some sort of fear experiment, while this interpretation of "The Stranger" is an external virus that only exists to fuck things up. If we assume that ✨the horrors✨, and the simulation as a whole is the main threat, then...maybe that would make things like Micheal and The NotThem less dangerous by proxy. I mean, I STILL think they aren't exactly...friendly by any means, but...who knows, maybe there's no true heroes in this scenario. I should also address Gertrude calling The NotThem "reality-bending" one more time. Because you might think that by using "reality", it implies that...this can't be a simulation. But...I'd have to disagree. Gertrude is obviously very intelligent, and I think it's possible for her to know that there are beings who can break through and corrupt the foundations of the world she lives in, know that they are different from other horrific forces that are actually meant to be there, and even have a term used to refer to those sorts of things, that being "The Stranger". It's just...she might not have been at the level of knowledge to the point where she knew the world she lived in isn't actually real. To her, maybe The Stranger refers to like...aliens from outer-space coming to Earth or something adjacent, when it actually refers to beings from the real world coming into the simulation. If the world even really is a simulation, then I think that Gertrude...didn't know about it, at least at this point in time. Maybe she did learn eventually...and maybe that's what got her killed OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!! Ok, WAIT. NO. NO MORE THEORIES FOR NOW. STOP IT.

Well...uh...thank you so so much if you've managed to make it this far. God just...what am I even doing anymore? How did we get from "yeah I liked this episode :)" to...this? I dread to think about what state I'll be in once I get to the end of the entire podcast, god...ONLY on Season 2?! But at the same time...ALREADY on Season 2?! Like I said, take that second theory with a grain of salt, I think it's interesting and I would be super happy if it was proven even somewhat true (well...provided it happens at a time where I know more, I...really don't want to have to manually reorganize my list of ✨the horrors✨ now...), but I am more than content to stick with my first theory, where "The Stranger" refers to one of ✨the horrors✨ instead. God it's just...it's going to be so funny no matter what the result is. It'll be hilarious if this is somehow right, but it'll also be hilarious if I broke my fingers while typing for absolutely nothing. I just...oh boy I need to sit with this one. There's probably so much I neglected to mention with everything that's going on in my head...but I hope I was able to get all the relevant stuff down. See you next time...I guess I could say that I hope for something more chill, but...yeah, in my dreams. (Oh also this episode ended with Jonny doing the credits again instead of Alex? I’m not sure if that has any significance or not? Maybe it’s meant to represent…Martin’s distance from Jon? Uuuuuuhhhhh I don’t knowwwwww)

Supplemental (oh god why): OK I SWEAR THIS'LL BE SHORT STAY WITH ME. Just...a couple of additional thoughts, ok? Firstly, I just realized how tma really likes to give voices to...the weirdest statements imaginable. Like, Dr. Elliot, Tessa, and Karolina all get to be voiced characters, and their statements are among the biggest "what the fucks" in the entire show. I just thought it's worth appreciating that Rusty Quill...certainly has their priorities in order. Also...I just wanted to briefly bring back that whole death thing I mentioned earlier. It's pretty simple really, I think there's a possibility that if the world is simulated, death just means...getting sent back to reality. This comes partially from The NotThem, but mostly from Personal Space. I've also cited that as potential foreshadowing for the simulation idea, since I think Carter and the other astronauts were in fear experiment simulations...possibly within the simulation, it's kind of a combination of two theories. And if you recall, Carter...at the very least got off Daedalus by starving himself, so...maybe that foreshadowes how death works in this universe? But it also makes me think about how "The End" might work. On one hand, it has associations with death, so maybe it functions like The NotThem where it frees people...but on the other hand, it's been shown to keep people immortal on like...four seperate occasions so far, at least I think, so...yeah, I think I'll consider this one of ✨the horrors✨ no matter which theory I go with, especially because unlike Micheal and The NotThem, it's never made an in-person appearance. I also do kind of wonder how the technology horror idea would work in this scenario though...like, maybe Sergey Ushanka is supposed to represent early test subjects who were put into the simulation, or maybe he...IS one? Like, the techonology wasn't as advanced, so it had a much more mentally taxing effect? ...I don't know, those are...those are just some thoughts. Damn, the contrast between the Micheal theory and the simulation theory is wild. The first one is stupid in a funny way, but...I feel like this one is stupid in a dumb way, god. ...THIS ALL STEMMED FROM ONE FUCKING LINE OF DIALOGUE!!!! ONE!!!!

- Episode 78, Distant Cousin 🪓

Statement of Lawrence Moore, regarding something that was not his cousin.

Oh. my. god. I'm just. I. I. I have. No words. Ok that's a lie I obviously have a lot of words but. I just. I. ....wow. I um...I definitely...was expecting something to happen here, it's just...I didn't expect that. All things considered, I figured that much like Lost and Found, this episode would naturally segue into the likely two-part finale, and while it certainly did...I was NOT expecting to get what is both the rawest and most infuriating series of scenes in the entire podcast so far. You see, the biggest takeaway from this episode is that's it's remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London. Now, I'd take that to mean that I should probably stay away from Central London, but...but JON. No no no no no, he...he took a different approach after recieving that information. I just. ....wwwwwwwwwwwWHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! WHAT WAS THAT?! WHY WAS THAT SO GOOD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! WHERE DID?! HUH?! YOU CAN'T JUST DO ALL OF THAT TO ME I-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! ...Ok, I'll stop. If I wanted to, this entire section could just be me doing incoherent screams, much like I was when I first listened to the episode (the way I started running laps around the room when...you-know-who showed up again), but for everyone's sake, I'm not going to do that. This episode...was absolutely fantastic, yeah. Obviously it was. It's...honestly incredible that this final quarter hasn't had a single episode I haven't vibed with so far. But just....WOW. Obviously I'm most insane about everything that happened after the statement, but the main plot of the episode was still super endearing, helping to make more sense of the timeline surrounding The NotThem, while also setting up some very interesting plot threads in the process. And then when we get to the end of the entire episode...I mean, you'll hear my thoughts soon enough. Because boy oh boy, do I have them. There's...uh...there's definitely quite a bit to say, I don't think I have too many huge theories, but uh...let's just get into it. ...My ensuing dread towards whatever lies in the next two episodes has not been eased, I'll say that much.

Edit: Ok uh...this has become an exceptionally long one. Just um...just brace yourselves. What I'm about to say isn't like...super groundbreaking theories or anything, it's just...a lot. There's a lot.

So, before the statement even starts, there's already some notable things to cover. Firstly, before he begins reading, Jon ends up muttering "I...er...we...we didn't", before cutting himself off, and beginning the statement in an...understandably stressed tone that I don't think we've heard since...the first episode of the season, I think. For the time being, I think the meaning behind Jon's mutterings are open to interpretation, I personally see them as a sign of him realizing how no one in the archives ever noticed Not!Sasha's true identity, but...that's just my interpretation of the few words he says here. Either way...his stress in this scene made me sad :(. Well, that aside, when he starts reading the statement....the statement's existence ends up being quite a surprise. While it does follow the story of The NotThem, managing to give us some of the last pieces of its relevant lore, it is not the statement that Gertrude teased in the previous episode. (Also side note, I forgot to mention that The Kind Mother is...probably the last Gertrude tape we'll get this season, a bit of a shame, but I'm sure they'll come back in Season 3.) The statement she teased was one given by Adelard Dekker, the man who named The NotThem in the first place, but when Jon opened the file for his statement, he surprisingly found one from Lawrence Moore instead. Now, I'm not too interested in why this file was kept in the one where Dekker's statement should've been, since...given what happens in the statement, it's pretty obvious as to why it's here, but I'm more curious as to why....whoever did this felt the need to put it there, and more importantly...where Dekker's statement actually is now. My personal hypothesis is that it was likely stolen by the person in the tunnels (holy shit the chances of learning their identity are higher than they've ever been right now PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE), as not on;y have they been shown to steal files from the archives, but they are...probably pretty aware of Not!Sasha given her own expeditions into the tunnels, with Jon outright saying that he thinks the two are familiar with one another. Alternatively, maybe The NotThem itself stole it, since it did a similar thing with the tapes, and...well, given the lore of this episode, it would have good reason to get rid of any and all information provided by Adelard Dekker, especially if it concerns itself. The thing is though...why is Lawrence Moore's statement in there? Sure, it had obvious connections to Dekker, and might even have more relevant information concerning The NotThem given the later date, but...someone likely put it there. And given how a lot of people, myself included, think that Gertrude's strange organization tactics were done for a purpose, likely her wanting to make sure that her successor had all the information they needed easily accessible in the face of a bunch of fake statements...I kind of wonder if Dekker's statement went missing when she was still around, and she put this statement in its place. This could mean that neither The NotThem or the person in the tunnels are responsible for this statement's disappearance...or that the latter has been farting around in the institute for a long-ass time. Either way, given how it has a named case number, and how Adelard is...certainly an intriguing character, I have no doubt that his statement will be retrieved soon enough. Or who knows, maybe it's still in the archives and just...horribly misorganized, but until I get answers...I'm intrigued by its absence. And I mean...if there's still one statement regarding The NotThem...who knows if we'll even be done with this thing by the end of Season 2. ...OH SHIT there's an actual statement in this episode, right.

So uh, yeah, in the absence of Adelard's statement, Jon comes across the story of Lawrence Moore, which thankfully (well, I say thankfully, but...given what happens because of him reading this statement...maybe I shouldn't) contains more information on The NotThem. I will say that my one...somewhat notable gripe with this episode is that, in my opinion, it has the weakest utilization of The NotThem so far. Not!Graham had a really interesting dynamic with Amy Patel and OG Graham, as well as the benefit of coming first, and therefore being the most shocking. Not!Rose had a very interesting moral dilemma and change in personality, and Not!Sasha is...well, she's Not!Sasha, I don't need to explain why she's special. This episode's NotThem, known as Not!Carl, on the other hand...doesn't really do a ton that hasn't been seen before, outside of some very minute little things. Granted, it's honestly not that big of a deal, since I think the main draw of this episode comes from its other elements, but I felt like it was worth mentioning since it's my only problem. Anyways, Lawrence Moore (who, by the way, had a voice that was...oddly a lot more similar to Jon's regular speaking voice? I feel like that might be intentional in order to demonstrate his stress, but who knows.) recently had his cousin Carl replaced by The NotThem. Now, Lawrence and Carl were never especially close during childhood, and especially adulthood. They lived somewhat nearby each other, and got along...fine, but they never saw each other that often, never had much in common, and Lawrence suspects Carl saw him as an annoyance due to his younger age. They grew even more distant as they entered adulthood, Lawrence believing that they never even spoke for more than an hour ever since he turned eighteen, and even when it turned out that the two of them didn't live far from one another...Carl never seemed keen to meet up again. Lawrence then goes into this really cool monologue, talking about how people who briefly knew you as a child think they're talking to that same child when they see you again as an adult, when in reality, that child is practically dead, replaced with a new, more grown and fleshed out person. This is obviously...very tonally fitting for the episode, and really makes me appreciate how The NotThem plays with themes like identity and...what makes us human, but it's also just a cool concept to me in general! I do often think about how....different I, and pretty much everyone is at different stages of their life, and whenever I'm told about what I was like when I was a small child by parents or older relatives...I just cannot believe that I share a body and mind with that kid. I don't know, I think it's a very interesting topic and a cool look into identity as a concept. Anyways, going back to the statement, Lawrence noticed the change when he went to his brother Adam's wedding, said brother having been noticeably closer to Carl during childhood. When Lawrence met a man he had never met before, who claimed to be his cousin...yeah, he was obviously pretty spooked. Now, I said in the previous section that I don't think the theory that The NotThem is visible to people who weren't anything more than an acquaintance to the original person holds much merit. I will concede that this episode definitely adds to the idea, but...eh, there's still enough going against it for me to say otherwise. I think I'll dispose of the idea that like...prior experiences with paranormal-ish stuff allows you to see it, since Lawrence never mentions anything weird happening before meeting Not!Carl, but I'm more than willing to go with the idea that The NotThem intentionally reveals itself to one person to make that person look crazy, since it just comes off as more and more mischievous, sadistic and unhinged as time goes on. Or...you know, if my second theory regarding "The Stranger" is true, then...simulation breaking is also still on the table. ...I swear that wordplay was unintentional, I'm so sorry.

Going back to the wedding, Lawrence starts asking around, and of course, everyone there recognized the dark haired man with yellow teeth as Carl, including his humorless father, which made Lawrence realize this wasn't some kind of sick prank. Once his aunt gave him a glare, Lawrence left the wedding. He tried to convince himself he was subject to some kind of dissociative episode, since he had been struggling at work and recently divorced himself, even thinking that if the only thing wrong with his brain was...him not recognizing a cousin he wasn't even that close to, then he probably got off lucky. But of course...it continued to eat at him late throughout the night. He knew that the man he saw was not Carl. It was about a week after the wedding that Lawrence realized a few years ago, when his grandmother had passed away, he had been handed a collection of her old photos and was asked to sort through them. They had been rotting in the attic (HOLY SHIT JANE PRENTISS REFERENCE???!!!111) ever since, but...without anything better to do, and hoping that maybe, just maybe, he could find some semblance of the cousin he knew, Lawrence went to go fetch them. As expected, most of the photos in that hot and sticky attic (of which there were many) were pictures of Lawrence and Adam, but now alongside a dark haired child where Carl should've been. All except for two, which showed the boy with light short hair that Lawrence recognized. So presumably, some of these photos were polaroids. It's nice to see that get incorporated after being teased, even though we didn't get Adelard Dekker's statement, but like...it's kind of weird to me? Lawrence suggests that one of the photos with OG Carl in it looked like it was taken moments after another photo, and that latter picture had Not!Carl in it. So like...did their grandma just switch from something more modern to polaroids in a matter of seconds? Is this some sort of sloppy crack in The NotThem's system? I'm...just going to assume that maybe one of the photos was taken by someone else, and happened to get sorted among all of the pictures taken by their grandmother, since I feel like that makes the most sense. Well, moving forward, Lawrence hears a soft knock on the door. When he answered it, he was met with the man he did not know, Not!Carl. And...this, for me at least, is where the episode transitions from something that's good yet...very standard, to something really cool.

While I still think the other three utilizations of The NotThem are a bit more clever...I will admit that I really like how terrifying it is in this scene. Not!Carl just strides into the house while Lawrence is paralyzed by fear, talking about how it would be rude to not come by when they lived so close, and then he just...sits there for the rest of the afternoon, not saying a word. Not only does this use one of my favorite aspects of The NotThem, that being the brief instances where it's willing to engage in behavior separate from the original person, but only just to the point where it's weird to the person who sees through the facade and no one else....but the whole atmosphere is so damn tense. Because like, in previous iterations of The NotThem, it's been really freaky, sure, but like...it's never done much beyond just replacing someone and...acting strange, that's about it. Hell, the stuff that Gertrude said about it at the end of last episode gave off the impression that as long as it successfully replaced someone, it was completely content until it chose a new victim somewhere else. Now, this episode disproves that in a later scene (let's just say I was...very wrong to assume that The NotThem's lack of motive meant it wouldn't hurt anyone else in the institute), but...I think its danger became apparent in this scene first. The way that Not!Carl just...sits there, staring at Lawrence with amusement, how Lawrence can never quite get a proper look at him (...very glitchy sounding to me...), but swears that his neck gets longer for a brief moment...it's all just so unnerving, and the way Lawrence's fear is described to us is absolutely perfect. And then, when Not!Carl leaves, and says "we must do this again, and soon", leaving Lawrence to cry alone....AAAAAAAAHHHHH THAT'S SO CREEPY!!! Look, The NotThem might not have the same charm or personality as other weird characters like Jane, Micheal, Mike and Agnes, hell, I kind of hate the thing with how it's just...built to ruin everything from the looks of it...but I'll be damned if it isn't one of my favorite monsters and concepts on the show. Honestly, I think the fact that it's...least like a person out of any of the freaks we've seen and/or heard of so far just adds to it, since it's the one that's most adamant on convincing people it's just a normal person. Just....wow, this is some good-ass horror. Oh, it also made me realize something really cool as well. I was looking back at Across the Street, just to make sure I hadn't missed anything relative, and had a good understanding of The NotThem's timeline, and when I did, I stumbled across a part where Not!Graham tells Amy he'll "have to return the visit someday." ...It's probably a good thing she moved if my interpretation if that line is true. Hell, maybe it's a good thing Melanie went to Amritsar for all I know! So yeah...that's a great scene and all, but it only gets better from here. This is where the episode gets very, very unique.

In the middle of the following night, Lawrence gets another knock on his door. (HOLY SHIT MICHEAL REFERENCE???!!!111) This time though, it's loud and harsh, and instead of Not!Carl, he's met by an old muscular black man with short grey hair and a stern and imposing aura, dressed in a white shirt with rolled up sleeves and a thin necktie. The man asks if Lawrence recognized his previous visitor, and as soon as Lawrence says no, he bolts into the house without a second thought, and orders him to get any photos that hadn't been changed. Out of fear or helplessness, he doesn't know, but Lawrence immediately obliges, and when he brings the photos downstairs, he decides to ask the old man for his name. He then introduces himself as...none other than Adelard Dekker. This was uh...quite the surprise honestly. I don't know...why exactly, but after last episode, I was kind of under the impression that he would be a...one time and you're done kind of character, you know? I mean, probably somewhat familiar with the paranormal if he was the guy who named The NotThem, maybe even an associate of The Magnus Institute, but like...I wasn't expecting him to be among the gallery of what-the-fucks that show up in statements given by relatively ordinary people, you know? But no, he's here, hence why this was in place of his own statement most likely, and he claims to be an "exorcist of sorts." ...Dude, if you end a claim like that with "of sorts", and exist in a series where almost everyone is vaguely suspect at best...you're not fooling anyone, I'm sorry. Suspicions aside though, Adelard starts flipping through all of the old photos, ignoring any and all of Lawrence's questions in the process, and when he finds the two unchanged photos, his lips twist into a wry and ominous smile. He tells Lawrence to follow him out into the street, and the two of them then pull a large wooden box out of his blue transit van, later carrying it inside the house. Lawrence tries to open it, and gets a brief glimpse of...dark varnished wood on the inside, but Adelard quickly slams down the lid before saying "it's not for you." ....The amount of sheer excitement and dread I got when this happened was a sight to behold. Like...that's one of the best feelings I get when listening to this podcast, the feeling of something familiar returning is such an adrenaline rush every time.

Well, while that's all exciting, if...slightly ominous, Lawrence is then instructed by Adelard to go up to his bedroom (what are you his dad), and to not leave "until it's safe." When Lawrence asks how doing so would help save Carl, Adelard quite sternly tells him that Carl is dead with little sympathy, and that this is all to prevent Lawrence from ending up like him. He stays in that room, all throughout the morning and into the afternoon, with there not being a word from Adelard. Then, at 3 PM, the exact same time Not!Carl made his visit the previous day, he hears that same soft knock on the door. The air grows heavy, an hour passes...and then Lawrence hears the most unnatural scream he's ever heard. Understandably terrified by this, he bolts out of his bedroom, but before he can leave the house...he checks the living room. And that's where we get the big reveal, the thing that nearly completes the timeline of The NotThem thus far. You know...I was certain we'd learn how it was bound to the table eventually...but I was certainly surprised, yet very elated, to see it happen ONE EPISODE after I started thinking about it seriously. Like...AAAAAAHHHHH IT'S SO EXCITING!!! I mean...I guess Jon getting that knowledge is ultimately a detriment but...we'll get to that soon enough. But in that living room, Lawrence sees Adelard, standing still with rapidly moving lips, although he can't hear any sound coming out. He sees that ever-iconic table with its intricate patterns, and in front of the table...is The NotThem in its true glory. It's long and thin with stick-like limbs, its head and shoulders are bent against the ceiling, and its face is unlike anything Lawrence had ever seen. Pulsing across the carved channels with a sickly pale light is spiderweb, and Lawrence watches as that web wraps around the grotesque creature in front of him. But as soon as he processes what's in front of him, he runs away. He doesn't return until the next morning. When he does, Adelard and his blue van are gone, the latter now replaced with an off-white one with something printed on the side. He then sees two men in overalls leave his house with Adelard's crate and OH MY GOD BREEKON AND HOPE!!! I'm honestly super glad to see them here, it would've been a shame if they didn't keep up their tradition of appearing once per post lmao. This also gives us a pretty good timeline of when they started transporting The NotThem. Although...maybe they were transporting it earlier, and they only started transporting it with the table after this? But like...if that were the case, and they were somewhat allied before this event...why would they not just destroy the table? Unless they..can't for some reason? And I doubt that The NotThem needed another being to carry it before it was bound to the table, so...huh? Unless Breekon and Hope are more interested in the table and not The NotThem? But then why was Adelard initially in possession of it? And how does that explain the weird connections between Not!Sasha and those two suggested in Still Life? I.....AAUUUGGHHHH. Look, we can at the very least say that this tells us when The NotThem was bound, by who, and when Breekon and Hope started transporting it and the table as a package deal. Either way, it's really cool to see them again! But uh...geeking out over two delivery men with an ambiguous dynamic aside, as they drive away, Lawrence returns to find the table, and the being that called itself Carl completely gone. That was the last time he saw any of those weird people, things or monsters, and when asked about his missing cousin...he just said they weren't close. ...Man, the people in this world go through just...the WORST days don't they? The UK is a cruel and unsightly place, holy shit.

So yeah, that's Distant Cousin. Well, the statement at least, I certainly have...quite a bit more to say about the episode as a whole. Yet another fantastic one all things considered. Admittedly, I...don't really have that much to say about it beyond my recap, because honestly...this is one of the first episodes in tma that feel like they wrap up a plotline. I mean, there's obviously still some stuff to unpack with The NotThem. Where it comes from, the deeper complexities of its nature, the statement of Adelard Dekker that goes over his knowledge of it, any other potential sightings of the creature, its connections to other things, and obviously...whatever happens with Not!Sasha going forward have yet to be fully resolved. But...I don't know, this episode still feels like a pretty definitive cap-off. We now have a pretty decent understanding of how The NotThem functions, how it was bound to the table and by who, and how it came into the possession of Breekon and Hope, at least alongside the table. And really, any mysteries that surround the thing...aren't really given more clarity in this episode, so those are matters for a later date. Overall, I don't have all that much to say...except for when it comes to one particular matter. That is of course, the mysterious Adelard Dekker. Adelard is...quite the perplexing and polarizing character to me. He's kind of come at a point where I'm thinking....SURELY there can't be any more important characters, right? Or at the very least, any important characters that'll show up later have been alluded to, even if they don't seem important initially. But...no. He is clearly quite the important figure, and as far as I'm concerned, he hasn't even been alluded to prior to The Kind Mother. So...what do I think of him? Well, he's very mysterious, but that doesn't mean I don't have thoughts about him. We currently know very little about his past or motivations, but what we do know is that he is...certainly familiar with The NotThem, having encountered it in some way, shape or form at least a decade before his appearance here, and giving a statement about it which we know Gertrude read. This kind of makes me wonder if Adelard was a witness to The NotThem replacing someone in his past, which honestly seems pretty likely since, like...how else would you have knowledge about it, but it's also possible that maybe he just heard about it from someone else, so...all of this is really just baseless conjecture for the moment, but I like the idea. At the very least, he's definitely familiar with ✨the horrors✨, and maybe other similar concepts depending on which theories you run with, that much is obvious based on all of the behavior he exhibits. No matter what his past with The NotThem is, he definitely understands it better than most, and given how he gave the creature...what seems to be accepted as its definitive name, at the very least by a very intelligent person who was more than familiar with the paranormal when she was still alive, I get the sense that he probably had some level of prestige in academia, maybe even being more familiar with The Magnus Institute than most, as I mentioned earlier. But now I want to adress...what he actually does in this episode.

So, yeah, it's confirmed now that Adelard is the man who bound The NotThem to the table, which is a really cool reveal! While motives for doing so remain unclear, it seems at least partially influenced by his position as an "exorcist of sorts", whatever that description...really entails up in the air. The thing is though, he's able to manipulate the power of the table, something clearly aligned with the spiders, without any external apparatus like a Leitner. The only other person who's been shown to do this is Raymond Fielding, a man who was very clearly a freaky spider person, so I'm naturally inclined to believe Adelard is also a creepy spider person much like him, along with Annabelle Cane from Thought for the Day, and the homeless woman Trevor killed in Children of the Night. Granted, he doesn't have a ton of spider-based imagery, but like...neither did Raymond really, outside of, much like Adelard, the cobwebs and his utilization of the table, so I think this checks out. But you see...that's where things start to concern me. Yes, Adelard did do something very helpful in this episode, I won't deny that, The NotThem is clearly a little bastard creature that's capable of much greater harm when not bound to the table (thank god it's there forever, right? ...right?), and he saved Lawrence's life. But outside of that...he is honestly pretty concerning to me. The whole vibe he gives off is extremely intimidating and...honestly really cold at times, Lawrence says it felt like Adelard was towering over him despite his smaller size. It also doesn't help that he's seemingly aligned with the spiders. Annabelle Cane and the unnamed homeless woman were seemingly a lot more monstrous and Jane-like in the way they're portrayed, so that leaves Raymond as the only...kind of level-headed spider person we have so far, and like...he's arguably one of the most twisted characters we've seen so far. It also doesn't help that the spiders are most prominently against The Cult of The Lightless Flame above all other factions, and while they certainly have their negative streak...I don't know, compared to a lot of other creepy factions and creatures, they're...marginally nicer, what with Arthur Nolan destroying Jane's wasp nest, and Agnes being....just a really tragic character from what we've seen. So...yeah, while it's admittedly not the best read of all time, given what little information and context clues we get on Adelard...I'm inclined to be pretty suspicious of him. He might be capable of helping people, but it might not be with the best motivations in mind. And I mean, if you go with my unlikely theory about The NotThem being a glitch in the simulated world that's freeing people in its own twisted way, and the spiders basically having the job of keeping things under control...yeah, it doesn't make him look good! And no, I don't think him giving a statement to the institute does him much favors, not only because the institute is already very sketchy in its own right, but also because we have had statements from the Season 1 antagonist, and...at least like, five people who have confessed to murder, as far as I'm concerned, any old ass can make a statement here. So...yeah, those are my thoughts on Adelard Dekker. Overall, he's a very interesting figure, if a little bit sketchy, but I'm really excited by the potential of learning more about him in the future, and I'm really happy that prominent new faces are still showing up! Although...I do actually have one more little theory regarding him, one that actually just popped into my head as I was writing this, and one that...might actually be very important with these next two episodes in mind.

Adelard...is honestly the best possible candidate for the person in the tunnels that I can think of at the moment. Like, seriously. Think about it. The little description we get of this person is very vague, but what we do know is that they are male-presenting, and middle-aged or older, both of which definitely fit Adelard. But beyond that, you know how I mentioned the idea of the person in the tunnels stealing Adelard's statement? Well...what if Adelard took his own statement? Maybe it had information in it that he doesn't want anyone to find, so he stole it, and maybe instead of Gertrude being the one who put Lawrence's statement in its place, it was him. Not to mention the fact that there's a notable abundance of spiders in the tunnels, even when compared to the rest of the institute, there's the fact that Not!Sasha has been heading down there, so like...maybe she's trying to get rid of the man who imprisoned her, and then there's the fact that...it would line up really well with where the story is now. I've already stated that I'm certain we'll learn who this person is in the finale, they were alluded to in the very first episode of the season, and more and more information surrounding them has been building up recently. So...then you have this brand new character getting mentioned for the first time in the final episodes of the season, his statement being notably missing, and everything that I just mentioned, and...yeah, I think it adds up nicely. Granted, the person in the tunnels has floor-moving abilities that we never see Adelard use, the spiders have apparently only been growing in numbers post Prentiss attack when this guy has probably been there longer (although that could be easily explained by them just…having more food now) and the description of "male and middle-aged" could probably fit a lot of characters, but...I don't know, this is really the best I've got. I think it would be pretty cool if we got to meet him in person in the finale, maybe he could help defeat The NotThem once and for all, or maybe we'd get to actually hear his statement, who knows? I'm just happy to actually have a theory regarding this person's identity, regardless of whether or not it's right, because honestly...I have had no damn clue what's been going on with this person this whole time. Like...not even an inkling, it's just been that damn vague. Although...given how Jon thinks the person in the tunnels murdered Gertrude...and the fact that I already don't trust Adelard...oh no. Well...at least her being the first one to mention him would be pretty cool foreshadowing! And you know what the funny thing is? All of that, everything that i just talked about...it isn't even the best part of the episode. That comes with the series of scenes at the end, and while I don't have many theories outside of "what the fuck is going to happen next"....I CERTAINLY have opinions. ...Despite the table being gone, I feel like it's going to haunt my nightmares even more from now on, given what...I now associate it with. (Oh, one more thing. Lawrence thinks Adelard is a Jehovah's Witness when he first sees him, so if this guy ends up being yet another little freak...just know that I am never going to let him live this down.)

Oh man. Oh. MAN. This ending. This ending is...a sight to behold. I feel like this is probably a very bold claim, but...this series of recordings, especially the final one...it might all come together to make up my favorite scene in all of tma so far. I'm serious. I mean, I'm almost certain it's at least my favorite scene outside of a statement, but that's already an extremely high bar. It's just....AAAAAAAHHHH IT'S ALL SO PHENOMENAL!!! I just...uh...here's what I think about the first recording. ...oh god. That is...deeply upsetting. This uh...it's doing a great job of showing Jon's mental state, but...man does it hurt. You know how I said that I was kind of starting to mourn for Sasha again? Well...yeah, this scene came at the best and worst possible time for me! Firstly, I love how for the past few episodes, Jon hasn't been doing his usual kind of follow-up. Usually, he talks about any external information regarding the statement that he was able to find, but here...no. He's figured out what's going on, and he's understandably much more concerned for himself and his coworkers that he is anyone in the statement, and it SHOWS. That aside though...he found the tapes stolen by Not!Sasha. Turns out they were in the desk he was rifling through the entire time, I don't entirely know why she didn't just destroy them, but...it certainly made for one hell of a scene. Hearing Jon replay the tapes, hearing Sasha's voice again...oh god it hurt like hell. Like, it's really cool and an amazing idea, but this is NOT HELPING THE GRIEVING PROCESS. I would have audibly cheered at the return of "kah-lee-o-pee" if it wasn't for the circumstances. And just...the way that Jon questions another outcome, dreadfully wondering if there was anything he could've done, if he could've been more attentive...it really hurts. It's bad enough that his coworker is dead, but it's even worse that it took him so long to notice. And then he ACTIVELY AVOIDS PLAYING THE PART WHERE SHE SCREAMS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS!!! Ugh god...why must he suffer like this, his misery is like a disease that spreads to me. And then there's the part where we once again hear Not!Sasha's "I see you"...and Jon responds with "and now I see you." ...Holy shit that is amazing dialogue. Like...wow. The scene where Not!Sasha arrives is one that lives in my head rent-free, so getting surprise payoff to it right here right now...it's an absolute stroke of genius, and a perfect way to make it clear that shit is about to go down. And I mean...it certainly does, although not in the way I expected or...really wanted. Honestly, the episode could've ended right here and I would've come out completely satisfied, but somehow....they ended it on an even higher note. I just. Why is this so damn good.

Ok, admittedly the second recording isn't like...absolute peak tma or anything, I don't think it hits quite as hard as the other two, nor do I think it would've worked as well as an ending, but like...it's still great, and I'm super glad that it was included because it makes the whole package feel a lot more complete, you know? Anyways, YAAAAAY MARTIN AND TIM WOOHOO!!! Thank god that they're back for the finale, I mean, I had very little doubt that they were going to show up, but it's still great to see them regardless. Now, I will admit that one of my main gripes with Season 2 has been...the unfortunate lack of the archival assistants. Like, they're still around a decent amount, we get to see them in a good few scenes...but I kind of feel like I don't truly know them. Don't get me wrong, I do love them, any time they show up in an episode it's absolutely fantastic, but like...beyond their basic vibes and small facts about them here and there...I just feel like I don't know them as well as I should? Like, they're supposed to be part of what you'd consider....the main cast, and they don't completely butcher that role, far from it...but I just feel like I should know more about them after nearly 80 episodes of...being aware of them. Sure, they're around in Season 2 more than they are in Season 1...but I just feel like they should be here a little bit more. Like, I have a decent idea of what's going on with them, Martin is obviously trying to hold everyone together while likely crushing on Jon, and Tim is just...absolutely done with this shit, I just wish we got to SEE that a bit more. Or I guess...hear it...you get what I mean. I mean, characters like Basira, Melanie, and even Gertrude, a character who's dead, feel like they've gotten quite a bit more development than these two, even though they...don't even work at the institute, at least not anymore in the latter's case, and one of them has only appeared in three episodes, only really being the star of two. I still love Martin and Tim for what they are, I just feel like they need...a little extra push if I'm to love them beyond just their personalities and vibes, because I don't feel like those can carry their entire characters in the long run. (Also, I don't have this problem with Elias, because I think he works best as an ominous figure in the background, and Not!Sasha because...she's a literal monster, she doesn't really need character development in my eyes.) Ok, that was a long rant, but with all of that said...I'm REALLY hoping these two get to do something cool in the finale. I felt like the Season 1 finale made massive strides for these two, it showed what...still feels like the biggest development that Martin, and his relationship with Jon have had so far, and both episodes really got me to love Tim, showing both his comedic and upset sides in full-force. So...yeah, I have high hopes for their involvement here, and I REALLY hope they don't get written out until the last second. It's especially enticing to me because if the ending of this episode is anything to go on, it seems like Martin and Tim will be separated from Jon for at least...some level of time. While that is...partially very scary, it could also provide a good opportunity for them to interact, which I would absolutely love because...I mean really, how often is Jon not in the room? I remember listening to the Martin poetry short (which I now know came out much later and probably altered my viewing experience, but as far as I know it didn't contain spoilers for anything past Season 1, and I'm already not having an average viewing experience by writing these damn posts so SHHHHHHHHH), and I really liked the dynamic that those two displayed, so...any chance to hear them just interact with each other without Jon in the room would be great. (which isn't to say I don't want Jon around, I absolutely love him of course, I'd just like to hear characters interact without him around every once in a while for the sake of shaking things up.) ...wow that was a long side tangent. Uh...what actually happens here?

Fuck, that took up and entire paragraph....why am I making these so long...ok anyways, Jon is a shit liar. He comes up to Martin and Tim saying that he's coming down with something, and that they should both take the next couple of days off since he still has "things he needs to take care of." Now, I don't think either of them believe him fully, that's clear enough from the tones of their voices, but they both display very different attitudes towards him. I think Tim realizes that something is up with him, but given that the animosity between them hasn't really died down, he's more than content to leave Jon behind. That...admittedly isn't a great look on him. Look, I feel like I'm a fairly strong Tim defender, I absolutely understood his side of things in Binary...but I feel like this is kind of...objectively wrong of him. I get why he's still mad at Jon, but like...leaving him behind when he's clearly in a vulnerable state and is likely about to do something dangerous...yeah that's...not all that good. I think it's an interesting character flaw that could be explored in really clever ways, so I'm ultimately happy to see more sides of him...it's just that said side of him isn't especially pretty. It doesn't really make me like him much less, as I said I think it strengthens the nuance of his character, which he definitely needs since he's...from my point of view, the least-fleshed out archival assistant (and also, any character who seduces cops for information and comes up with the Joe Spooky gag is at least a 9/10), but...I'd like to see him do better if possible. It also doesn't help that I feel like he disregards Jon's apology in quite a passive aggressive manner, like, I strongly doubt the cheery goodbye he gives is all that genuine after everything that's happened, but then again, I think it's not unfounded to question the legitimacy of Jon's apology, given that it's pretty out of nowhere and hidden behind some lies, and even though I personally think a part of it is genuine given how he clearly isn't happy about the distance he's created...it's still not wholly being done with the intention of righting his wrongs and getting better, he's only saying it now of all times because he needs Tim and Martin away from him...and is about to commit his craziest act in the entire story so far. So yeah, I get where Tim's coming from...but the whole situation kind of just sucks, and him just dragging Martin along didn't help either. Speaking of which, what about Martin?

Well...he continues to be the resident "poor guy" of this entire story, which is saying something given the fact that "poor guy" is an excellent way of describing the protagonist who's been in every episode. Much like we saw in the opening scene of Thought for the Day, he's still trying his best to just...hold everyone and everything together, making sure that it's all holding up well after the Prentiss attack and that the archives don't collapse in on themselves. And like...god damn, someone give him a hand, or a hug, or just anything. Right after Jon stops bullying him, he just...immediately gets saddled with being the resident institute superglue, and like....I feel really bad because he's genuinely such a sweetheart :(. Even though it doesn't seem like he fully believes Jon, he still tries to sympathize with him, offering to take him to a nearby walk-in when he mentions being ill, and then he runs out after Tim at the end in an attempt to keep them together. It's just...I feel like he's too nice for his own good, you know? He's really sweet, but it's to a detriment, and that's one of many reasons why I'm really desperate to learn more about his past, I feel like something definitely...made him this way, and that feeling applies to Jon and Tim as well, I just...yeah, his behavior here is one of many instances of something that makes me scream at the archival staff until they tell me all of their secrets, because I am getting HUNGRY for their lore. ...It also makes me really want to see Martin just...snap in the season finale. So, I've never really talked about it before since I was waiting for the opportune moment to do so, but uh...Martin has a few little weird things going on with him. Like, I've already mentioned the spider connections a couple of times, which just get more and more concerning to me as time goes on, but like...he lied on his CV, steals the tape recorders to put down his (NOT shitty and I will stand by that until the day I die) poetry, and also somehow pulled the whole worm corkscrew solution out of the deepest trenches of his brain. I don't think Martin is like this...secret manipulator villain or anything, I feel like that's a really obvious and boring card to play, and one that the podcast is above, but like...he is capable of scheming, and isn't just some shy little uwu baby. Combine that with the fact that he endured Jon's bullying throughout Season 1 (remember the time Jon sent him to investigate the Piecemeal lady? Because I do, what the fuck was his problem), and that he's now enduring just...everyone being so much less normal than him, I think he has earned the right to go ham at least once in his life. If that happens in the season finale I will jump for joy. Oh and uh...mentioning his relationship with Jon...I kind of wonder how that supposed crush is going.

It's overall been a very, VERY minor part of the season, which...I'm honestly fine with? Like, while I do wish other aspects of the archival assistants came into play more often, this B-plot is pretty lighthearted at the moment, and given where Jon and Martin are with each other...yeah, it wouldn't feel right to make it a major focus at the moment, I think more of their general dynamic needs to be fleshed out first, and also, a horror-mystery is one of the last genres where I'd want shipping to be front and center, so...yeah, I'm fine with its relative lack of presence. But that doesn't mean that I don't like it! While I think they'd be...an admittedly disastorous couple in the state they're in right now, I think it's a really funny and actually kind of sweet idea, and it could work in the future, it's just...boy does the future not seem bright. I honestly don't know if this idea will ever amount to anything, I mean, it hasn't even been stated that there's a crush going on, I'm just going on that assumption because of the poetry short, my constant need to look for queer subtext whenever I can reasonably find it, and...admittedly the fact that I've seen some fanart a few times, altthough as far as I'm concerned, I haven't been spoiled on anything, and it's been quite a while since I saw it. But like...regardless of whether it's canon or fanon, destined to succeed or destined to fail...I think it's a fun idea, which is honestly saying a lot for something that is...debatably a bully x victim ship in the early stages of the series, which I'm usually not huge on. But going on the assumption that he does indeed have a crush on Jon...I kind of wonder where this crush comes from? Maybe it's driven by...I don't know, Jon reminding him of someone from his past, maybe he's just very emotionally driven and doesn't understand it either, or in the funniest case scenario, the number one thing on Martin's mind is "I can fix him". As minor as the whole thing is...I'm invested in regardless. ...WOW this really went off the rails. I...I'm so sorry this has gotten so long, I know I said I didn't have too many theories but..god. I swear I'm almost done. Anyways, long story short, I'm really happy that Martin and Tim have come back, I hope to see more of them in the last two episodes, I'm very invested in both of them even if I wished they showed up more often, and it'll be both hilarious and deeply concerning if Elias spends yet another season finale vibing upstairs as Jon gets chased around by another eldritch monster...or two. Anyways, the recording ends with Jon apologizing to Martin and Tim, saying that they deserve the truth, but he's not losing anyone else. ...Christ that is sad. Even if Jon makes some stupid decisions here and there, (VERY IMMINENT FORESHADOWING) even if he can really struggle with proper communication...I don't doubt that he feels genuine remorse for his actions, and that despite it all, he has a good heart. ...Unfortunately he does not have a very good brain, which is embarrassing for an adult academic. So..yeah. It's...it's time for the big one. The one that I feel pretty confident in saying is my favorite directly recorded moment in the entirety of tma so far, maybe even being my favorite moment both in and out of statements, but is a masterclass of storytelling either way. But before you read my thoughts on it...just take five seconds to guess what my initial reaction to this scene was, ok? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Screaming. It was screaming. I was screaming internally, maybe even externally but if so I couldn't hear it over the sound of my internal scenes. "That was very stupid" YEAH MICHEAL I'D HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOUR CRYPTIC ASS FOR ONCE. This scene...I mean, where to begin? Well uh...the beginning. The scene starts off with Jon creepily whispering "it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London" into the recorder. So, he's already setting off some serious alarm bells in my head...great. Let's just...add that line to the ever-growing shelf of tma quotes that live rent free in my head, we'll put it next to "Martin...you didn't die here, did you?" for....dumb man related reasons. Funny thing is, when I first heard this line, I was under the assumption that he was just about to...fucking decapitate Not!Sasha, especially since he said "I'll be seeing her later", and that would've already been dangerous and stupid in its own right...but now I kind of wish that was what he did. Because instead....he..oh my god. This guy...he reads a statement, and the purpose of this statement is to tell whoever reads it "hey! The NotThem is bound to the table! The table is keeping it trapped! It does not like it in there, but it is severely less likely to hurt people, and it's now basically impossible to hurt anyone who isn't within its general proximity! It can only hurt the people that the cockney delivery men want it to! Would be a shame if it somehow escaped!"...and yet, the thing he takes away from it...is that The NotThem is directly, biologically(?) connected to the table. ...So he decides to go grab an axe in broad daylight...and smash the only thing really keeping him safe from getting replaced. I just...I have no-well no I do actually have words, but WOW are they hard find. This is...by far the stupidest decision I've seen take place in the story so far, even JOSEPH RUSSO made better decisions, because at least he and other similar statement givers can be slightly excused by not being familiar with what they're dealing with. But Jon...he should not have this excuse. He has heard of The NotThem four times, one of which is an instance he is currently living through, and like...if those statements aren't enough, then maybe take a look at the Hill Top Road story?! But...no! He just decides to smash the thing in a massive fit of rage, because HE CAN"T BE TRUSTED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT ON HIS OWN. This is something evident from Season 1 honestly, because while he wasn't nearly as mentally broken there as he is now, if it wasn't for discoveries made by Martin and Sasha...he would have been eaten by worms. It's just....AAAAAUUUGHHH THIS WHOLE THING MAKES ME SO ANGRY, AND THE WORST PART IS...it's actually a very logical and clever thing to make his character do.

Like, I'm very pissed off at Jon right now (not as much as I'm scared for his life obviously), but...dammit, it's actually a fantastic part of the story. Jon's entire arc in Season 2 has been one massive downward spiral, no matter how much he tries to get better, he always finds himself deeper and deeper inside paranormal shit, something that in retrospect, was foreshadowed brilliantly by the first episode. So in all honesty, I've kind of been expecting him to do something extremely reckless and dangerous for quite a while now, but...what he ended up doing was so much more stupid than I could've ever predicted, which yeah, is a little bit frustrating, but I overall have to commend Jonny for still managing to subvert my expectations like this. I'm upset with Jon as a person...but when it comes to Jon as a character, I think it's a very logical thing for him to do, so I really like this decision. And honestly...I've seen worse. One of my least favorite tropes in horror is when characters are just made cartoonishly stupid for the sake of making bad things happen, but here...I don't know, it feels a lot more earned. Like, I do genuinely believe that this is something Jon would do given the current state of his mind and emotions, which is honestly something that tma does really well across the board. Every character feels like they're as smart as they should be, and there's a good level of diversity in terms of levels of intelligence. And I mean...god, the entire scene does go really hard. The sound of the axe hitting against the wood (which by the way, I...do admittedly find it kind of funny that something so consistently powerful and ominous was destroyed so easily), Jon's frustrated grunts that show off his sheer rage and anger at The NotThem and everything associated with it perfectly, the static noise that gets louder and louder before being eclipsed by a low scream (which like...I kind of wonder if that's supposed to be the static noise for the spiders, since all of ✨the horrors✨ seem to have their own specific sound), and then the way the noise stops as the table is destroyed, with Jon letting out an exhausted chuckle at the end...it's all really chilling, and I genuinely froze up while listening to it. It also kind of feels like...I don't know, the end of an era. From all the weird shit at Hill Top Road to post 2001 encounters with The NotThem, this table has caused so much damage...and now it's finally gone. That's obviously not a good thing overall...but I'll be damned if there isn't a sense of finality with its destruction. And mentioning finality...I fear such a concept will meet Jon's life very soon. After he destroys the table, a new static noise starts creeping in...and there he is. The man(?), the myth(?), the legend(?)....Micheal McFuckHands. Let's. Fucking. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He might have had his time to shine in Fatigue, but now, after 31 episodes of not hearing his voice, he's FINALLY back in the spotlight. Also, I absolutely love how HE, the most cryptic and vague character in the entire story so far, who is intent on making it as clear as possible that he is not human, just comes in saying the truest thing ever. Just...god I love him so much. "That was very stupid" can also go on the quote shelf. Honestly, Micheal is a peak example of what vibes alone can do to someone. We know next to NOTHING about this guy, he's only properly appeared in four episodes, two of which didn't actually have his voice...and he's probably, no, definitely my favorite character so far. Just...this man has such a visceral effect on me that I can't ever properly describe. What an icon.

Anyways, he shows up, Jon says "what do you want" in a very cold manner (which makes me laugh because it suggests to me that despite them presumably only interacting once before this, he's already tired of his bullshit), and Micheal responds by telling Jon the obvious. While doing so, he mentions..."the protections he has here", and how he doubts Jon can survive The NotThem even with those on. I find this pretty interesting, it definitely adds to the inherent weirdness of the institute, but...it could mean a whole plethora of things, and this section is already long enough so...maybe that's a discussion for another time. But as Jon's mistake finally sets in...we start to hear Not!Sasha in the distance, calling out his name as her voice gets closer and closer...and gradually more distorted. AAAAAAAHHHHH THAT'S SO TERRIFYING!!! Like...after a whole season of her just hanging around for the most part, the prospect of her finally going full massive monster is just...just no. No thanks. I...also feel like I should point out how we now have Micheal and The NotThem in the same scene, since I pointed out their similarities in one of my theories. Admittedly, while I do find these odd shared traits interesting...I have to be honest, I'm becoming less and less inclined to follow that theory of mine as time goes on. I still think it's very cool conceptually but...eh, there's a number of holes in the idea, and now that we know the table is not connected to The NotThem outside of it acting as a prison, and that it has much more of a prominent spider connection than a fractal connection...yeah, that's already some evidence for the two of them being "aspects of The Stranger" gone down the drain. I'll still keep that theory about "The Stranger" referring to viruses in the code in my mind, but...I think the idea of it referring to one of ✨the horrors✨, namely the one that The NotThem and all of the stuff from Still Life serve, makes a lot more sense. Besides, it's taken a lot of effort to assemble a list of ✨the horrors✨, so I don't want to tamper with it too much unless I absolutely have to. I still think the simulation idea works well enough, and the idea of Micheal specifically being a virus or error also works...but I think I'll hold off on The NotThem for now. Still, them being in the same scene like this is interesting. But uh...finally wrapping things up, Jon starts freaking out as Not!Sasha starts approaching (I definitely imagine her sort of...going into her true form as this happens as well), and then...Micheal opens his door, basically saying that it's Jon's only way out. ...Oh my god. That is as terrifying as it is awesome. With that, the episode ends as Not!Sasha bursts into artifact storage, and Micheal leaves us with his...subjectively beautiful laughter. So um...yeah. Needless to say I'm absolutely terrified. The NotThem is pursuing Jon (PLEASE don't let Not!Jon become a thing), he's probably going to find himself in Micheal's backrooms which is...fun..I guess, Martin and Tim are...somewhere, as is Elias...there's probably going to be some stuff with the tunnels, some big answers regarding the guy down there, maybe some Gertrude lore, maybe some involvement from Basira, the next episode will probably be like Infestation...I don't know. I...guess I'll just have to see for myself. Great episode but....ugggggghhhh god help me.

Supplemental: Wow....that came out much longer than I expected. And it took longer too, Christ it was like three days. Uh...thank you so much for making it this far, I do hope you can see why this post has taken so long to get published, but like...I seriously appreciate anyone who's reading this very sentence, you rock. I...really wish I could spare you from a longer supplemental, especially since I still have two more episodes and a little bonus thing to write for....but I'm sorry, this has been playing on my mind and if I don't get it out soon I'm going to explode. I'll try and make it quick. So, I've obviously been drawing attention to how weird the institute is a lot recently, and while I still stand by that claim (especially with what Micheal says in this episode)...I haven't really thought about how weird the archives are specifically, in comparison to the rest of the institute. It's outright said by Mary in First Edition that the people on higher floors of the institute (so, presumably different departments) don't understand how special the archives are, which...might honestly explain why Elias acts the way he does if it turns out he's not that aware of his own institute's weirdness, although I'm still personally pretty suspicious of his demeanor. But like...if Mary, who is the institute's Number 1 hater, is able to admit that there's something special about the archives...there's clearly something going on there that's worth drawing attention to. And...do you remember how in Crusader, Gertrude talked about how she thought the old ruins of the serapeum were a "previous iteration of the archive", and how the creepy cyclops monster was likely once an archivist? Well, the way she talked about it...to me, it didn't sound like she was calling the serapeum just...an old archive in general, but specifically, an archive that the modern day Magnus Institute archives are based on. This leads me to believe that Jonah Magnus, or...whoever made tha archives of the institute specifically, somehow adopted the design of the serapeum archives, and brought its paranormal properties with it. For what purpose, I don't know, we know that the institute was relocated to London after starting in Edinburgh, but that Jonah had knowledge of the strange architecture of Robert Smirke (which the institute was built on top of, ala the tunnels) before he did so, so...he clearly was not opposed to the idea of making the institute paranormal. But..it's concerning. Especially if that cyclops thing is a previous archivist, and the archivists are a sort of...lineage that stretches back to god knows when like Jon suggests...like, that's weird right? Is that meant to suggest that Jon will become a cyclops monster one day? Is that...somehow what remains of Gertrude, if she even has remains beyond her human corpse? Do certain other weird qualities of the institute, like the inability to quit or be fired...only apply to the archives? I'm just...oh god I need to lie down. There’s just so many mysteries, and trying to solve them is a…not fruitless, but certainly rigorous endeavor. That's all from me...I think at least, uh...see you for episode 79. ...why is this so long...

- Episode 79, Hide and Seek 🫥

Original recording of manifestations and sightings at the Magnus Institute, London.

...do...do you get it? The emoji? It's like- it's like a person fading away. Because of...because of The NotThem. ...Look I'm really trying here, it's hard to sum up 15 minutes of running, screaming and lore-dropping in a single symbol. Anyways uh...what was I supposed to be doing again? Oh yeah, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAATTTT???!!! ...Much better. So as expected for this lovely little season finale, I just...cannot catch a break, can I? I don't think ANYONE can vatch a break in this scenario, not me, not the characters (except for Micheal who's having the time of his....what I think is a life, and Elias who's smoking pot in his office), and not Rusty Quill because holy shit those audio distortions are a lot. Thankfully, this episode is pretty short, and due to its structure, there's probably not going to be as much recap to get through, mostly analysis, which is...very handy given that the final episode of the season is the longest in the series so far. But...as for that analysis...ohohohoho. There is some...very, very interesting information in this episode to unpack. I don't know how many new theories I might have here, but I at the very least know that this episode has done a great job pushing the plot forward...and holy shit, do I feel validated by some of the fuel it's added to my pre-existing theories. It's certainly a chaotic ride, and...dear god, there is a LOT riding on the next episode's back after this one, but for now...I'm just going to lay out my thoughts in as coherent of a manner as I possibly can. I just...I...the fact he's called "Mystery Figure" in the credits and transcipt is both a blessing and a curse, my god.

So, here's a fun fact for you. After the...not so calm events of Distant Cousin, especially with the ending in mind...I was understandably very scared of what was to come next. For all I knew, I would be greeted by the raging screams of a mangled changeling creature as soon as my beloved intro music faded away, and when you combine that with my scrambled thoughts, busy schedule and the...three days I spent writing the last part good god, and you're left with someone who takes an entire week to muster up the courage to listen to this one. Finally, I know what it's like to listen to this podcast as it comes out kind of maybe not really! So...imagine my suprise when I finally tune on in...and I am greeted by the admittedly subpar musings of a verbally abused queer office worker. ...God I hate my life. I don't even think there's any greater meaning to the episode opening up this way beyond it just...being on the tape Tim uses. Like, believe me, I've tried examaning what the poem says...five or six times now, but beyond London, architecture and...people...yeah there's nothing there. So as far as I'm concerned, this was just put at the beginning to toy with people like me. ....Well played Jonny. And like...I'm sorry, I know I've been defending Martin's poetry since the beginning of the season (not like...as a consistent thing, but...you get what i mean), but...yeah I'm not impressed by this. Maybe it gets better later on, but for now...poor job Mr. Blackwood. Also, this just made me remember that he has a middle name. What is it though? "Korn"? "Krispy"? "Kill me, for I have fallen in love with the worst possible man to fall in love with?" Is this the most important mystery of the entire plot? Who knows, (aside from....everyone who's already finished the podcast I guess) but for now, let's just move on to the actual plot of the episode. So....I must give my deepest apologies to Tim. As it turns out, he thankfully knows better than to leave Jon alone like that. I mean, I already figured he knew something was up, but it's good to know he didn't just leave with Martin despite it. Granted though, it doesn't mean that he's...exactly worried about Jon. He's a lot more worried about what Jon might do specifically, doesn't think his apology was genuine, and is there to...stop him rather than save him, which is in stark contrast to Martin, who's obviously a lot more genuinely worried for him. Once again, it's....somewhat frustrating to see Tim act like this, but also understandable from his perspective. Sure, his lack of concern for Jon's wellbeing isn't...great, but like...he's in a situation like no other, so I can't blame him for being kind of self-serving, since even though he's wrong to assume that he's the only one in the archives who feels alone...at the end of the day, he's still alone, and he doesn't seem to have much to distract himself with. You know...I know that the whole thing about him seducing cops for information was kind of played for laughs...but I do have to wonder if that shows a lack of ability for personal connection on Tim's part...or maybe I'm just reading too much into things. My point is, as always, it's frustrating to see Tim have so little regard for Jon's wellbeing, and parts of his reasoning for acting that way are certainly flawed...but I fully understand where he's coming from. Everyone might be in the same lonely situation, and it's hard for me to determine whether or not Tim really has it worse than everyone else...but I can at the very least tell that the toll it takes on him is...different, it makes him more angry than sad or scared. I do hope we get to learn a bit more about his deeper psyche and elusive past eventually though, because right now...while I still really like him, it's sort of hard to pin down what my overall view on his character is.

Anyways uh...minor character rambling aside, it's nice to see Martin and Tim's escapades recorded here, even if it's supposed to be used for court evidence, and also totally not being done on the same tape used to record Streets by Martin K. Blackwood. I'll touch a bit more on their dynamic with each other later, but for now, just know that it was really nice to see them interact without Jon around, even if the circumstances make their relationship a...bit less happy and fun than what was heard in the Epiphany short. But uh...back to what they're actually doing, as they go around the archives looking for Jon, they eventually find that he's not in his office...of course. But as they wander around...Tim brings up some interesting points. I am happy to say that FINALLY, after all the small little hints spread throughout the past two seasons...the weirdness of the institute is finally going places. Tim talks about how he can't quit or get fired, the same seemingly applying to Jon, points out how Elias doesn't even run the place properly (THANK GOD he says that because holy shit if that isn't weird I don't know what is), he talks about how something is watching everyone and messing with their heads, and how...Jon's behavior seems supernatural in itself. This is all...extremely gripping to me. We get more clear and substantial information on some of these topics later in the episode, but...this certainly sows some seeds right out of the gate. The whole...watching thing reminds me of all the eye imagery, which thankfully comes back around later, but like...I'M STILL PRETTY FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT. I'm starting to get...genuinely very suspicious of Elias, like, it's funny to me that despite him having...arguably the most detailed backstory out of anyone in the institute so far (which isn't saying much but still), he's...honestly the most mysterious and polarizing to me. I REALLY need some more lore on him soon, because right now...piecing him together is damn near impossible. And then we have Tim thinking that Jon himself is supernatural, which...well, I'll get to that later, but this is all very intriguing for now. He also moves on to say that he thinks the institute is more haunted than it used to be, and-oh look there's the mangled changeling creature screams! So...yeah, as soon as he says that, The NotThem, now in its true form from the sound of things, bursts through a door, and immediately scuttles down through the trap door and into the tunnels, still on the hunt for Jon. Now, while the timing of its...pleasant noise is played for dramatic irony, comedic effect and a jumpscare, it did also make me realize something. A while back, I proposed that the reason Tim's unable to quit was because The NotThem was utilizing the power of the table against them, binding them with its webs in a similar manner to what Adelard Dekker did. Now...I'm pretty damn certain that's not the case. Not only do we learn a little bit more about The NotThem's purpose later on, which doesn't really seem to require it to do or want to do such a thing, but I think it's safe to say that it and the table are entirely separate things now, and that it can't utilize the table's power itself, as that power likely only belongs to spider people like Raymond and Dekker. Just...wanted to clear that up, but going back to the story, Martin notices how much The NotThem looks like..."Sasha", but both he and Tim deny that it's her. Which like...yeah, it isn't, but I find it both funny and tragic that their reasoning for thinking so is completely wrong. But while they're obviously very freaked out by the sudden appearance of... god-knows-what, Martin refuses to let up. Realizing that The NotThem is after Jon...he heads into the tunnels, and since it's physically impossible to say no to him, Tim follows. Oh...dear me. I know I said I'm glad to have some Martin and Tim escapades in this episode...but I would've honestly been fine if they just went to get lunch and that was it. Regardless, now that they're in the tunnels, how's Jon doing?

Ok, on the count of five, give me your best guess as to how Jon's doing. Five, four, thre-BAD. HE'S DOING BAD OF COURSE HE'S DOING BAD! LIKE ALWAYS HE IS DOING BAD. Granted though...he could be worse. Unsurprisingly, he found himself in...quite the sticky situation at the end of last episode, so he was left with no choice but to go through Micheal's door. On the bright side though, it turns out that the door isn't just an immediate sentence to the backrooms, as Micheal actually sent him to the tunnels instead. That actually gets me wondering if...maybe the Micheal and the door are more separate than I initially assumed. We know that he is...in one way or another, the same being as the backrooms, but now that it's been shown the door and the backrooms aren't neccessarily connected, I have to wonder if...maybe the door is some sort of artifact that Micheal's got his big-ass hands on, and while he usually uses it to trap people in his hell dimension, i might ultimately be just...some kind of general teleportation device, and that...also makes me wonder if the backrooms have a set location on earth that we just don't know about yet. Well, at least Jon isn't there, although the tunnels are only...marginally better than the backrooms if I'm being honest. I do find it kind of interesting that the tunnels and the backrooms are so similar though, like, they have their fair share of differences, but...I don't know, Jon straight up says they're both corridor hellmazes, so there might be some relevance there. Uhhhhh....MICHEAL THEORY #47!!! He's like...some sort of sentient construct built by Robert Smirke, since he also built the tunnels. I'll add that one to my list of theories, and then proceed to do nothing with it ever again. Anyways, going back to Jon....yeah, he's in a bad spot. He has no idea where in the tunnels he even is, is trying his best to stay hidden from The NotThem, and is THANKFULLY bemoaning his destruction of the table. I can not even begin to tell you how much of a raging inferno I would've become if he just...never acknowledged his own stupidity in that moment ever. Ultimately though, I forgive him, since not only did...I mean, I...think things have turned out ok by the end of this episode? Maybe? I guess I'll just have to wait and see, but...the main reason I'm forgiving him is because HOLY SHIT IF I DON'T FEEL VALIDATED BY THIS SCENE. Jon talks about how the table is associated with webs and spiders, and how that force naturally opposes and weakens The NotThem. This isn't like...a huge revelation or anything, I think anyone with ears (except for Jon in the previous episode apparently) can probably figure that out, but...it's like the biggest acknowledgement of this opposition between forces that we've gotten so far, not even the episodes with The Cult of The Lightless Flame against the spiders got this much acknowledgement on that front, and...it REALLY does add fuel to my ideas surrounding ✨the horrors✨, at least in my opinion. Maybe not aspects like my exact list of them, or all of the stuff surrounding the simulation theory (excluding that now...likely outdated interpretation of "The Stranger" for the record), but...at this point, I think it's safe to say that there's multiple eldritch beings influencing all of the monsters, weirdos and artifacts that have shown up so far, all in opposition. Like...I'd be stunned if that wasn't the route they were going down at this point, but I'm honestly just...really happy that at the very least...parts of my initial interpretations behind ✨the horrors✨ are being confirmed as we speak. I've had these ideas for a very long time now so...I'm praying that I get a decent amount correct here, and Jon's whole monologue here is one of quite a few suspected answers to those prayers. But with all of that aside for the moment, Jon says that he's going to conserve what tape he has...and then we hear that distorted call of his name before the recorder clicks. ...yippee.

We cut back to Martin and Tim, who've now entered the tunnels in search of Jon and....what to them is some sort of really gangly whatever that looks like a REALLY stretched out "Sasha". You know...if they manage to escape from their current predicament...I wonder how they're going to react if Jon tells them what he learned. That could be...very upsetting. Well, before I start getting scared and depressed, let's try and stay on track. So Tim and Martin's ideological differences really shine in this scene. Tim starts being a little hypocritical, suggesting they try and get Elias after calling him useless earlier, and Martin holds this and his initial desire to not do anything about Jon against him, while also complaining about how he's never heard. So yeah...both of them are being extremely petty and I absolutely love it. I know I said I love their friendship in that short, but this...this is just as good, if not better (although it does make me pretty sad to see them fight as well). Anyways, Tim angrily asks Martin what he even wants, and...he says that if he wants everyone to be happy forever, it's not going to happen. Now, I can't disagree with him there, I mean...look at what's going on right now, everyone here is absolutely traumatized, but I find this line kind of interesting because...it seems like Tim is deflecting? Or at the very least, he's venting his own frustrations while also pinning them onto Martin. I say this because, personally, I see Tim as someone who...doesn't cope well in situations where people aren't happy. He's less prone to fixing the problem than Martin, who keeps on pushing to make things better despite there...unfortunately being a slim chance of return, but...I don't know. His behavior in Season 1 shows that he's kind of the office ray of sunshine, at least until after the Prentiss attack, and even in Season 2...while he's most upset about stuff like Jon watching his house, he also gets upset seeing Jon just...do weird shit in general, like whispering into a supplemental tape that didn't even concern him. I'd hesitate to call him some sort of...massive empath, not only due to his disregard for Jon but...also because I feel like Martin fulfills that narrative role a bit more, but...I don't think he's someone who copes well in environments where others are unhappy or stressed. I think it just...REALLY kills the vibe for him in a way that leads to him doing toxic or unhealthy things, and I find that to be an interesting character flaw. And then we have Martin's response, which also reveals some interesting things about his character. Firstly, I'm happy to report that he POPPED THE HELL OFF!!! I'm really happy to see him finally get genuinely angry and express his emotions, I mean, I was kind of hoping for something like him brutally murdering The NotThem in a fit of rage, because that would've been...just the most metal thing the podcast could do at the moment, but I'll still take what I can get. Although...him brutally murdering someone isn't off the table. Like...I've said before that I think an "evil Martin" twist wouldn't be my favorite thing, which I still stand by, but like...I could work with a gradual corruption arc, or something adjacent, if it meant him REALLY cutting loose. But as much as I love this whole scene, along with Alex's delivery...something stands out to me about it. While Martin is angrily expressing his emotions, which is overall a massive sign of growth...he's not really standing up for himself. He's standing up for Jon, he's standing up for...generally everyone, talking about how Tim doesn't realize he's the only person suffering, but...he's not quite standing up for himself. Which like, yeah, that makes sense since Tim has not been nearly as hostile to him as he's been with Jon...but it did make me come to a bit of a realization. Martin Blackwood...probably has some issues with self-worth.

I mean, I feel like I've known that subconsciously since his debut, but...it hasn't really hit me just...how much of an unfortunate pushover this guy is, and I say that lovingly. It's not exactly the most...wild take of all time, I know, but I've never really discussed the fact before. Martin is always extremely doting towards others, always looking out for them before himself. Now, I'm sure that quite a lot of that comes from him just being a genuinely kind and empathetic person, don't get things twisted. But there's a difference between being loving towards others, and being so prepared to put others first that you neglect your own happiness. Because, take a look at every scene Martin's in, or every comment that's been made about him...and you start to realize how a shockingly tiny amount of what he does ever benefits him specifically, it's usually benefiting everyone at best, and hurting him at worst. And while he's always sweet and courteous and rarely super upset or down...I can't name a scenario where he seemed really, TRULY happy, even Jon has a couple of scenes like that, but not Martin. And even when he does do some rather self-serving things here and there, like stealing recorders for his poetry or lying on his CV...he's always super ashamed of it. Those two things I just mentioned remain his biggest secrets to date, when honestly, they're...pretty harmless all things considered. But things like those slightly cheeky actions, and his monologue in this very scene...they show that he has the capacity to be an upstanding person, I don't think he's a pushover deep down, he definitely has a sturdy spine...he just doesn't use it. I'm starting to get the sense that his "sweet little guy" personality is kind of a mask, but not in a manipulative sociopath way, more in a..."I really need people to not hate me" sort of way. I think that he believes if he doesn't act all sweet and humble, people won't like him, he doesn't think people would like a version of him that stands up for himself, which makes Jon's initial distaste for him EVEN more depressing in retrospect. Even in this scene, the most he's ever stood up for what he believes in...he's not doing it for himself. He's doing it for Jon. And like, while I still think the idea of JonMartin could really go in great directions in the future, this is one of the reasons why I'm actually not onboard with the idea when you consider the current state of the characters, beyond it being...kind of funny to ship them in their current states, because at the end of the day they're just soaking wet fictional men. Not only do I feel like they wouldn't work as they are now because...truth be told, I'm not really convinced that Jon reciprocates his feelings at the moment, even if their platonic relationship has seen some noticeable growth since Season 1, but also because I feel like that if Martin were to be in a relationship, he'd need to learn to serve himself here and there. A relationship where he throws away everything for a man who...cares about him, sure, but not quite THAT much...it just wouldn't work. I still think that there's many routes the two of them can take going forward, and a lot of those routes could result in a genuinely great relationship...but now? Nah. And...one last thing, going back to the whole thing about Martin not believing that people would like a version of him that stands up for himself...I find that so sad because...they absolutely would. And why do I think that? Well, that's because of my good friend Epiphany!

In this short, Tim outright says that Martin will give himself away until there's nothing left of him to be loved, and that people will love him not because of what he has to give, but because of where he stands firm. And while Martin genuinely appreciates the advice...I don't think he's really been taking it. Part of it might be due to the fact that his relationship with Tim, the guy who gave him the advice in the first place, has worsened since that short's place in the timeline, but I would not be surprised if it was also just...part of the way his brain works. He knows that he should love himself more, he knows that it'll make his life better...but I don't think he knows how to start doing so. Ultimately, I get the sense that Martin's character arc is likely to be one of self-worth, whether he gains or loses more is entirely up in the air, but it's interesting regardless.

Well...that was a long side tangent. I know this is...pretty different from what I usually write in these posts, but that's because I'm just...really happy that I'm starting to understand these characters beyond just the sum of their parts. As much as I do truly love making all of my wild speculations and analysis of the plot, lore and world of tma, I have really been wanting to do some more detailed character analysis for a while now. Because...this podcast has a genuinely really endearing cast of characters, I think they're all very interesting, but I think the anthological structure, along with the fact that the majority of recurring characters have yet to appear outside of statements where they're not much more than a mysterious stranger, makes it hard to truly understand every dimension of every person. I will admit that I was...a little harsh on Martin and Tim's characters in my section on Distant Cousin, and I could've worded my thoughts much better. I think saying that Basira, Melanie, and especially Gertrude have had more complete arcs than them was definitely a stretch. It's just that ultimately, they're all members of the supporting cast, so...while I now realize that their arcs are smaller than Martin and Tim's, I guess I felt more satisfied with their size given how they aren't really supposed to be as important as these two (although that isn't meant to say I think their arcs are necessarily complete.) On top of that, I feel like their arcs have oddly contributed more to the plot, what with Basira giving the tapes, Melanie revealing the truth behind Not!Sasha and paralleling Jon, and Gertrude…being herself, where as Martin and Tim are relegated to office drama, which I still find very interesting, and I’d hesitate to call it irrelevant or meaningless…but it’s not as much of a big game changer as what other characters have provided. I guess I've just wanted more from Martin and Tim, because even though I became immediately endeared to both of them as soon as they first appeared...they're supposed to be part of the MAIN cast, and that leaves me wishing for their appearances more than I do characters like Basira and Melanie. Hell, as much as I play up my mournful longing for Micheal to come back, I'm actually a lot more fine with him being an infrequent and unpredictable appearance, because that just feels in line with his chaotic neutral persona. Martin and Tim though...I don't know, I feel like they deserve more. But at the end of the day...I doubt these minor criticisms will mean much in the long run, because it definitely feels like they're really developing! I can safely say that I feel like I'm finally starting to get a good grasp of Martin as a whole after this episode, and while my thoughts on Tim are still kind of muddled and shifting, it's definitely some great progress. I can only hope that this progress continues into Season 3. Oh and uh...one last thing regarding this.

As happy as I am with this development....man, it really puts into perspective how tragic Sasha's character is. I know I've made my theories about...death in the hypothetical simulation meaning release into the real world, and there are instances of immortality and ghosts, sure, but...after what Dekker said to Lawrence Moore in the last episode...the chances of us ever hearing Sasha again are slim to none, which means that realistically...we'll never really know her. And honestly, I feel like that's by design. She was replaced by The NotThem, a creature that erases its victims memory from the world. So having the cast lose their true memory of her, and having the viewers never really get to see the greater extent of her as a person...well, I don't think I need to explain why I find that so tonally fitting. It's just...I really miss her you guys :(. Ok, enough rambling about suffering gay people, let's look at a DELIGHTED gay person instead. It's him! He's here! He was gone for like...7 minutes but who cares! He's back! Micheal!!!!!!!!! God I just. I can't. Why is he the most perfectly imperfect specimen of all time? That is my husband. That is my wife. That is my sleep paralysis demon and I love him with all my heart. He's just...so silly as well, like, Martin tells him to stay back and he says "no :)". I know I just did a long monologue about how I want more character exploration beyond just vibes, but honestly? Micheal is the one exception to that. I do want answers regarding...what the hell he even is, not neccesarily because I think his character needs it (I mean his whole thing is not making coherent sense in any way shape or form), but it's more because...I have spent too much time and energy trying to decipher this man. But outside of that....he's basically perfect as is. His energy is just that immaculate. At this point, an interesting backstory or any actual character depth would just be the cherry on top of an already 5 star cake. Anyways, as always, he says some very vague, yet still interesting things. Firstly, I just noticed that...he pretty much always introduces himself by his name...except for when he met Jon. And...also Lydia Halligan if I recall, but...her statement is pretty loopy in it's own right so I'll leave that one up in the air. But with Sasha, Helen Richardson, and now these two...he always uses his name, which is interesting to me when you consider his whole "there is no such thing as a real name" spiel that he gives Jon in The New Door. I'm...also kind of concerned by how he calls Jon "the archivist" now. It initially didn't strike me as all that strange (at least by Micheal standards), since he doesn't refer to...anyone by their names that often at all, but...given how this episode sheds a bit of light on what the title of "the archivist" even means in this context...I'm raising an eyebrow at this little quirk now. Anyways, the long story short is that he considers watching Jon die a "sport" (...is it wrong that I would probably find that more attention-grabbing than any actual sport?), and also claims to plan on killing Martin and Tim, simply because he wants to see what happens if there's no one to save Jon. ....Never change you horrible blonde thing. He also mentions how no one is protected down in the tunnels, as opposed to the institute. This definitely makes sense, it's a nice nod to how the tunnels initially belonged to Millbank Prison, and the institute was just built upon them...but it also made me realize that maybe Jon would've had a better chance of surviving The NotThem if he DIDN'T take Micheal's door. I know Micheal said that he doubted Jon could survive, even with the protections of the institute...but man, I think he took a much worse option than he realized. Regardless, it seems like Micheal's threat might be a bit of a bluff, as it causes Martin and Tim to run through his door, and-...oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no. That's. Um. That's not good. I'll uh...I'll come back to this later, but for now...let's check back on Jon.

Once again...he is not doing well. After hearing The NotThem, he started descending into the lower sanctums of the tunnels, eventually coming across a metal pipe which....wait what happened to his axe? Come on man, if you're going to use it to make the biggest fuck-up of the century you could at least bother to amend that by using it for good. Even he admits that the pipe won't help, and...sure, the axe probably wouldn't do much better, but it's a step in the right direction! Well, having a weapon at least makes him feel safe, so I guess it's better than nothing. And then...things get depressing. Jon has realized that The NotThem is likely intent on replacing him next, and starts yelling into the tapes that...if he's gone, then the being that would be called "Not!Jon" is...well, not him. On top of that...he continues to mourn for Sasha, not just because she's dead, but because he can't even remember her face. It's all...really depressing, and I think the first part shows a depressing...well, not a willingness to die on his part, more of an expectancy, but...that's not great. Anyways, Jon quickly learns to stop talking, as The NotThem eventually makes its appearance. And I've got to say...I REALLY like it in this episode. I've always thought that it's an amazing concept for a horror monster, and Not!Sasha has been consistently intimidating throughout her entire time in the podcast, but like...it never quite had the same draw as other antagonists. Like, Jane had her really tragic and messed up backstory, Micheal has his whimsical mystique, but The NotThem...it works really well as a general evil force in the story, but I was never attached to it as a character like I was with others. Here though....I mean, it's still the most evil and despicable out of the three big bads that have shown up so far, like, I need to make it clear that this thing is pure evil to me, and...if it really does turn out to be dead after the events of the episode, or if not, dies later on without any sympathy added to its existence, I will not be mourning it like I did with Jane. But...all things considered, while it's still evil and terrifying, I really like the personality it showcases in this episode. When pretending to be Sasha, it's not much more than an ominous presence, but now that it's here as its true self...man, I love it. It's cunning, taunting, and later on just gives off this sense of...being absolutely done with everything, so much anger and frustration at its situation and the people it's had to put up with. This scene in particular is where it comes off as the most downright despicable. It taunts Jon, keeping up the charade of Sasha as a cruel joke, before later telling Jon it's going to wear him (which was a fucking HAUNTING line by the way)...and then it mentions how what it did to Sasha hurt. ...The fact that that was what set Jon off into confronting it directly, the fact that The NotThem used it as bait...man does that hurt. With that, Jon is sent running once again, in what is...arguably the most danger we've ever seen him in, more than the Prentiss attack. But before we get to what is my personal favorite scene in the episode, there's one more look at Martin and Tim to go over.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Just when I thought we had narrowly avoided the backrooms, when I thought that Micheal wouldn't do anything...THAT bad...here we are. And it's arguably worse than if Jon was stuck there, because Martin and Tim have...absolutely NO idea what they're dealing with. So yeah...after hearing a door open alongside Micheal's infamous laughter...these two are stuck in his domain. Throughout the recordings that take place in here, Martin and Tim's voices are now distorted and echoing, with the same squiggly static that showed up when Micheal first appeared also being there, and both effects being louder upon the final recording done by these two. It's genuinely terrifying to finally hear what it's like in there firsthand...but I will say, I'm starting to become really confused by all the static now. Like, I now noticed that Micheal has a static noise that plays in both The New Door and this scene, but has a different one that plays in Distant Cousin, and the scene with him in the tunnels earlier in this episode. Then you have the table, which plays something that sounds like The NotThem's static, but also a...screaming sound, which...might be the spiders' static noise since the table is being destroyed as the sound plays, but...I don't know, for some reason the scream feels more fitting for The NotThem to me. And then you have the static on Basira's phone call in Takeaway, which...should theoretically represent the powers of Mr. Pitch, but according to Basira's statement in Police Lights...she wasn't even at the Outer Bay Shipping building when she made that call. So...what's going on here? I don't know, either I'm wrong about how I interpret the static, there's some issues with continuity, or maybe it doesn't actually mean much and is just used for creepy effects like the music. I doubt the third one is the case, especially since Martin acknowledges the backrooms noise in this very scene, and I have better faith in Rusty Quill than what choosing option two would entail, so...maybe I need to rethink some things in the future. Anyways, back to Martin and Tim...oh god. I'm...actually getting really scared for them. I've already brought up some potential death flags before, but...wow, this does not look good. I mean, I'm pretty sure Martin will be...well maybe not FINE, but at least alive, but Tim...I don't know. I think he has a decent chance at survival, but...we did lose an archival assistant last season, and if they wanted...they COULD kill him off here without much trouble. I personally hope that doesn't happen, but.....AAAAUUUUUGGHHHH PLEASE BE OK BOTH OF YOU!!! I...really hope that Micheal doesn't start haunting them...or worse... One more recording, oh boy.

So...this one. HOO-WHEE IS THE LORE GOING STRONG WITH THIS ONE. So, as Jon continues to run away from The NotThem in panic, it makes some snide comments about how it hated waiting around in the institute... but then gives a "statement" to him in mockery, and...there is some really interesting information in this. This is where a lot of my thoughts...REALLY get validated. The NotThem starts off by recounting some basic information we already knew, talking about its general abilities and how Adelard Dekker bound it to the table. Still though, it's really cool to hear the story from its perspective, I especially love how it refers to Dekker as a "nasty man". It also says that it enjoyed it whenever someone remembered the old person, because it meant they became scared when no one else was. To me, this...almost confirms that The NotThem was intentionally revealing itself to select people for the sake of sick pleasure, and if that's not the case...well then, it at the very least isn't against that happening. But then...it starts to recount what happened after it was bound to the table. It says that it got its "friends" to carry it around so that it continue its work, "friends" obviously referring to Breekon and Hope. This confirms at least one of my suspicions from Still Life, that being that The NotThem and Breekon and Hope are allies, and that they weren't utilizing it as an unwilling weapon or anything. At least...not until recently. Now, we know from Gertrude that The NotThem is motiveless, on a personal level, it has no desire outside of replacing people and scaring a select few, which seems to be more of a natural instinct than anything else. However...Gertrude also says that if it were to have any purpose beyond that, it could prove much more dangerous, and unfortunately...even if it's not out of The NotThem's own will...it was sent to The Magnus Institute for a reason beyond just sowing chaos. Apparently, The Magnus Institute and The NotThem, or...potentially the greater forces that the two of them serve, are enemies, and Breekon and Hope sent The NotThem to the institute in order to steal information. ...Oh dear.

So, as you already know, I believe that The NotThem, Breekon and Hope, The Anglerfish and The Other Circus are all united in one common goal, likely serving the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and said member of ✨the horrors✨ is probably called "The Stranger". I also believe that The Magnus Institute is paranormal in its own right (which is practically confirmed at this point), and that it serves and/or is connected to the member of ✨the horrors✨ that possesses prominent eye imagery, which also seems to be served by the Keay Family, with the exception of Mary. This is even backed up when The NotThem outright says their enemy has "the biggest eyes you ever did see." And thanks to Micheal, we know that there is some sort of "struggle" or "war" going on, one that the institute has a stake in, and due to various context clues such as rivalry between The Cult of The Lightless Flame and the spiders, and Jon's whole thing about the spiders and The NotThem being naturally opposed earlier in the episode...it's safe to assume that this is a war between ✨the horrors✨, although what they're fighting for is unknown. Alternatively...if you for some reason stick with my crack theory about the maintainers of the simulation against the invaders, then...maybe the war is more one-sided. The point is, The Magnus Institute is at war with The NotThem and all of its allies, which...honestly works very well thematically. This...eye thing, it's an observer in nature, always watching in the distance, keeping its eye on the institute staff. I think this is why it's connected to the institute, since they are a faction that is actively seeking knowledge, trying to understand the paranormal without intervening, simply choosing to look from afar. But as for The NotThem, and everything else I believe to be united under "The Stranger"...they're nearly the complete opposite. They not only seek to actively cause paranormal activity, where as the eye thing simply sits in the background for the most part (I mean, it has a shocking lack of statements surrounding it), but also, the one major thing all of these "aspects of The Stranger" share in common is appearing as normal, when in reality they are eldritch, weird and monstrous. They choose to conceal, which makes them a perfect natural enemy for The Magnus Institute. The institute is trying to understand them (not in an empath way, but like...in a stalker way), and The Stranger does not want to be understood. So...yeah, them being on opposing sides is pretty clever. As for what secrets The NotThem was sent to steal, well, that's a complete mystery, and I have no idea how they plan to resolve it. But...as for WHY they need secrets in the first place...I might have an idea, but I'll get to that in a moment. But getting back to The NotThem's "statement", they explain that it was sad at the institute, because it couldn't reveal itself to anyone there, thus sowing more chaos. It seems like this is the one instance of Breekon and Hope delivering it to someone for their own goals instead of The NotThem's own desire to sow random chaos, and...that seemingly gave it motivation to go against orders and betray them, at least, that's how I interpreted its dialogue. As it turns out, it intentionally left clues leading towards the truth for Jon, in hopes that he would at the very least be scared, when in actuality, he ended up releasing it from the table entirely, allowing it to be free from all responsibility set upon it. This reveal of The NotThem intentionally sowing seeds was actually really well foreshadowed in retrospect, I think that's probably why it chose to reveal itself to Melanie, and it also makes me think it's actually the most likely candidate for whoever replaced Adelard Dekker's statement with that of Lawrence Moore, since the former wouldn't have revealed its connection to the table.

So...yeah, this is all very interesting. We finally know at least...a little bit more about why The NotThem was sent to the institute in the first place, what exactly its plan across the course of the season has been all along, and...it's definitely building up to a grander plot, what with all the talk about enemies, eyes, secrets, and its mission. ...But we're not quite done yet. The NotThem goes on to taunt Jon for his stupidity and arrogance when smashing the table, saying how fun it was watching him act all suspicious of his innocent coworkers when it was right there. It also says that he isn't even a shadow of his predecessor, which is...kind of interesting to me. I guess this could be interpreted as a sign of The NotThem being familiar with Gertrude, but...I feel like if that were the case, it would've just replaced her on sight, and I doubt it would've killed her with a gun. I think it's more likely that it got its hands on Gertrude's tapes when sneaking around, or that it maybe just heard about her from one of its allies who was more familiar with her. And then...as The NotThem contemplates the idea of replacing Jon...it drops some of the biggest lore bombs in the entire episode. The first one is a mention of something...entirely new. Something it calls the "Unknowing", which...I feel is most likely an event of some kind, given how The NotThem says it's something that Jon would "miss" if he were to die now. So, we've never heard of this thing before, and as of now, all we really know is that it's something that The NotThem believes Jon wouldn't understand. I personally think this is sowing a seed for something in future seasons, more light could potentially be shed on it in the final episode, but I personally feel like there's more currently prevalent mysteries that need to be solved first. Still though...I have thoughts. Don't worry, it didn't send me into a massive rabbit hole or anything. So, my first thought upon hearing it was that it would be some kind of....mass NotThem-ing, or something adjacent, but like...I don't know how that would happen at the moment, and given that there's only one known NotThem (and the status of said NotThem is up in the air by the end of the episode....yeah, I discarded the idea pretty quickly. I personally think that this "Unknowing" is...some sort of massive attack on The Magnus Institute, and it's probably why The NotThem was sent there in the first place. Maybe the "secrets" it was looking for was....any exploitable weaknesses they could find, I don't know. It mostly comes down to the name. Like, the institute is a place of academia, therefore a place of knowing, its supposed patron member of ✨the horrors✨ is a being that desires to observe. So....if you were to try and destroy the place...yeah, it would be appropriate to call such an act an "Unknowing". Now, it's decently likely that this "Unknowing" is something being manned by The NotThem and its allies, but other parties could be involved, since these supposed "aspects of The Stranger" don't seem to be the only ones against the institute. The Divine Host for example has closed eye imagery, suggesting some sort of rivalry, they also obscure in the face of a seeker of knowledge via their darkness, and I definitely think the institute is responsible for selling out their location to the police. You also have Jane Prentiss, or rather The Flesh Hive as a whole, who attacked the institute solely because it sook to understand them without their consent. So maybe this "Unknowing" will involve multiple different factions gunning for the institute, which....would admittedly work well with that whole sustainer vs. invader theory, but...I'm not going to go there out of fear of losing my mind, and it's also nearly midnight right now. Either way, I definitely think this "Unknowing" will be a much grander plot than something like the Prentiss attack, especially if it's being built up in a season where...there's no way it's happening in the last 30 minutes. I don't entirely know what this thing might be...but it's mention is interesting.

God, like....who am I supposed to chher for in this podcast? Do I follow The Magnus Institute or The Stranger? Do I follow the spiders or The Cult of The Lightless Flame? I just...UGH! Everyone's so confusing, one minute a faction is exactly what we need in an era of strife, and the next minute they're Satan incarnate! I think I'll just side with Micheal right now, because he's apparently neutral, and I'm also not immune to the bias generated by a scary blonde man. Well...there's one last thing The NotThem has to say. And it's...quite a big shock. It questions the effects of "wearing" Jon...and asks if "it'll really become The Archivist", and if it'll "rob the eye of its pupil"...before deciding otherwise, and saying it'd just be better to simply kill Jon. Wow. That's...very well timed given what I talked about in my last supplemental. So...yeah. While the details are still as vague as they can possibly be...this is a major step towards some REALLY big things. The NotThem has definitively confirmed that "The Archivist"....isn't just some fancy job title with nothing else. It is a title that holds...power. Being The Archivist means to be important in some sort of way. Jon isn't just some random schmuck who got stuck in this situation by working at the institute like everyone else...he's special, but I DON'T THINK IT'S IN A GOOD WAY. The NotThem calling him "the eye's pupil" comes off as some metaphorical wordplay to me, it suggests that Jon is in some way specially chosen by the patron of The Magnus Institute in order to fulfill some role in the greater narrative, making him likely to be more important than...anyone else in the institute, maybe even the god damn head. And if...whatever the hell these responsibilities are come with the occupation of archivist, then the same logic applies to Gertrude and all who came before her. And like....you know what this reminds me of? You know someone else with a connection to an eldritch power who supposedly possessed some kind of important role? Some kind of....destiny mayhaps? Yeah, for some god forsaken reason, my mind jumped to Agnes Montague after hearing this, and if you recall...her life sounds like it was kind of shitty. You know, between this reveal and the new parts of The NotThem's past that got told to us, I find that "purpose" is...an oddly recurring theme throughout this episode, it's not there a ton...but it's there more than I thought. And do you have any idea what the worst part about all of this is? As always...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THIS REALLY MEANS!!! All I know is that Jon is actually kind of super mega IMPORTANT now. He's not just the guy Jonny decided to saddle us with for 200 episodes, he's like...someone with an actual stake in the grander narrative, like...he's starting to give off the vibes of a fucked up twist on the chosen one trope, and I DO NOT like that. I don't have a damn clue what it really means to be "The Archivist"...but this solidifies that...whatever the meaning....it's a whole new can of worms, and Jon...he's more than just an employee at the institute, he's more than just a guy who walked into the wrong building...he has purpose, purpose seemingly born from a long line of predecessors...and it could mean so many things. All I can say is that I definitely think this explains why Micheal refers to him the way he does, why Tim believes Jon is supernatural in his own right, and it might even connect to some of the aspects surrounding the statements which I'm starting to find a bit weird, such as the tapes, Jon's commitment to whoever's voice he's acting as, and how people from all different sorts of backgrounds give nearly perfect accounts of their stories. I just...uggggggghhhh. What sort of Pandora's Box of mysteries has this skinny-ass monster just opened. Please just...just give me answers please. I...really don't have the energy or resources to make a big-ass theory on this one...at least not yet. Does it connect to ✨the horrors✨? The statements? The institute? The simulation theory? Micheal again? I...do not know... :/

(OH GOD MY INTERNET DROPPED OUT I THOUGHT THESE PAST FIVE PARAGRAPHS WERE A GONER HOLY FUCK)

Well...time to wrap this one up I guess. There's just...so much. I will never know peace, will I? So, as The NotThem tells its story, Jon starts whispering...what he believes to be his last words into his tape recorder, apologizing to Martin, Tim....and Sasha for everything that he's done, and telling them to get as far away from the institute as they can if they're still alive. ....NOOOOOOOO STOP MAKING ME CRY YOU HORRID SHOW YOU!!! God, that is...that is super sad. It's not only another example of Jon fully expecting his own death, but shows that even after all of the shit he's pulled over the course of the season, all of the insanity...he's still far from a bad person. Sure, you can argue the apology he gave in Distant Cousin wasn't genuine, that he was simply using it to divert Martin and Tim's attention...but that doesn't change the fact that deep down, he genuinely feels terrible for what he did, and does really care for his coworkers, nay, his FRIENDS...even the one who isn't around anymore. I fully understand Tim's frustration in a lot of areas...but if he were to hear this tape...I don't know, I'd hope that'd set things into perspective. Because if Jon's last words are an apology to his friends, and a desire to keep him safe...I'd still consider him an overall good person, despite his flaws. God I just...I LOVE how fleshed out these guys are becoming! Like...they're genuinely so humanly written and it makes me so happy! Do you want to know what doesn't make me happy? Jon, about to get fucking murdered. So yeah, The NotThem finally catches up to him, Jon begs for mercy and makes me cry once again...but just before The NotThem can strike...something strange happens. The sound of stone and brick shifting is heard, and the horrific monster that replaced all those people lets out a shrill scream..and then...silence. Footsteps are heard...and then a brand new voice approaches, telling Jon that it's finally time they have a talk. Yes, they're finally here. The mystery figure from the tunnels. Oh, they're literally credited as mystery figu-OH WHAT THE FUCK?! COME ON, REALLY?! YOU"RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHO IT IS?! GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH-wait. No this is. This is good actually, Because if their identity was revealed to be something majorly shocking right here and right now, I'd have to write like...at least two more paragraphs. But either way...holy shit. They were first teased at the very beginning of the season...and now they're here in the flesh. And...yeah I'm placing my bets on this being Dekker. Not only could I see the voice really working for him, but like...even if it's through the structure-shifting ability and not the table...he LITERALLY seals The NotThem once again in this scene. Or...did he kill it? Because...I don't know, it kind of sounded like it got eviscerated with the perfectly cut scream and all. If it's just sealed under the floor or something...well uh...that's progress...but I would still probably like to kill it if possible. Like...that's still around...no thank you. But if it's actually dead for real now....REST IN HELL BITCH!!! YOU TOTALLY DESERVE THIS....although I will kind of miss you because you were a very threatening and creative main antagonist for the season who was implemented perfectly but GET FUCKED REGARDLESS!!! Well....whoever this guy is (please be Dekker please be Dekker), the one thing we can say for certain about him is that he's voiced by Paul Sims, Jonny's dad. ....Look, I'm just saying that if this guy really did murder Gertrude....that is some morbid-ass meta humor on Jonny's part. Just....wow. ....One episode left, huh? How time flies....I'm gonna be 100% real I am shaking in my bed right now.

So that's Hide and Seek. Firstly, I need to congratulate everyone involved in everything up until this point. The first two seasons of this podcast has absolutely proven itself to be one of my favorite things....ever, really, and I'm not even halfway done with the entire thing, yet I have no doubts that it'll continue to be excellent. Secondly....what the fuck is your problem and what the hell do you have in store for me now. Just...oh god I am so unprepared. Human Remains was a nice way to wrap things up with some big revelations and set-up for the next season...but this...I am so terrified of what's to come, because there's NO WAY they just skip to after the whole fiasco again. Jon is now hanging out with some mystery man (if it's his dad in-universe or something I will not hesitate to wear someone's ribcage as a coat), Martin and Tim have been sent to ultra super mega hell (now with shitty wallpaper), Micheal is...Michealing, The NotThem is either sealed again or FUCKING DEAD, and Elias is just...up in his office celebrating April 20th early I guess. I'm just...wow. This was a great episode through and through, as short as it was, it was still extremely tense, and gave both amazing character insight and insane plot reveals and implications. But...where the hell do they go from here?! Even though the last episode is the longest one so far, I don't know if they'll be able to cover everything it seems like they're aiming for, let alone anything I suggested in my predictions halfway through the post. I'm just...I can't even put my thoughts and feelings into any words other than "wow". I'll...um...I guess I'll be back for the next one.....hm.

Supplemental: Truth be told there's...not a lot I forgot to mention in that section. At least...I think so? It's...honestly kind of hard to tell right now, I'm still mulling so many things over in my head and...it's all so scrambled. I did...write a couple of things down though. So, I was thinking about those scenes we get where Jon reads excerpts of things that aren't statements, so like, those parts of The Tale of a Field Hospital, or that account of William W. Hay's time aboard the hospital train that now lies in the scrapyard in Rotherham. Well, I realized that I forgot to mention one of these in my last post, and that was the quote Jon found on the burnt scrap of Gertrude's copy of The Key of Solomon. The quote reads as follows:

"They have for adversaries the Satariel, or concealers, the Demons of absurdity, of intellectual inertia, and of Mystery."

Now, Gertrude's copy of The Key of Solomon was a Leitner, so it could very well have some altered text like The Tale of a Field Hospital, but it's worth noting that this quote does exist in the original text. However, I point it out here due to...how well it corresponds with recent themes, particularly the light shed on ✨the horrors✨ as of late. They've been connected to the concept of demonology for a very long time, and the whole bit about "concealers" or "mystery"....I don't know, that's very in line with what I believe The Stranger is supposed to be. So yeah...I just thought this was worth bringing attention to. Oh, and on the note of ✨the horrors✨...I feel like when given Jon's monologue about The NotThem and the table, and all of the stuff with the eyes in the institute and...so on and so forth, ✨the horrors✨ could...very well get some light shed on them in the very near future, so because of that (and also because it's been a while since I've done this)...here's my updated list of ✨the horrors✨.

- The Stranger (1, 3, 24, 28, 25, 39, 44, 54, 61, 77, 78, 79)

Servants Include: The Anglerfish, Breekon and Hope, The NotThem, The Other Circus

Fear of being deceived

- The Vast (4, 21, 46, 51, 57, 75)

Servants Include: Mike Crew, The Fairchild Family

Fear of falling and/or drowning

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36, 39, 40, 45, 55, 68)

Servants Include: Jane Prentiss, John Amherst

Fear of disease and bugs

- The End (11, 29, 43, 62, 64, 70)

Servants Include: The Reapers, Dr. Margaret Tellison(?)

Fear of mortality or immortality

- The Piper (7, 28, 42, 68(?), 76)

Servants Include: Wilfred Owen, Alfred Grifter, Train Ghost

Fear of bloodlust and violence

- The Lightless Flame (8, 12, 37, 43, 55, 59, 67)

Servants Include: Agnes Montague, Arthur Nolan, Diego Molina

Fear of fire

- The Spiders (8, 16, 19, 59, 69, 78)

Servants Include: Raymond Fielding, Annabelle Cane, Adelard Dekker, Mystery Homeless Woman

Fear of spiders and control

- Mr. Pitch (9, 15, 25, 52, 63, 73)

Servants Include: The People’s Church of The Divine Host

Fear of the dark

- The Observer (12, 23, 53, 60)

Servants Include: The Magnus Institute, The Keay Family (minus Mary), The Archivist Cyclops Ghost

Fear of being watched

- Isolation (13, 33, 57, 66)

Servants Include: The Lukas Family (minus Evan)

Fear of isolation

- Compression (15, 50, 66, 71)

Servants Include: George Gilbert Scott, The Governor

Fear of being trapped or compressed

- Body Horror (5, 14, 17, 18, 30, 49, 58, 72)

Servants Include: Tom Haan, John Haan, Jared Hopworth, Eustace Wick, Angela

Fear of meat, mutilation and cannibalism

- Ushanka’sDespair.exe (65)

Servants Include: \/(I\I)\/

Fear of losing your humanity

And then….I’m kind of on the fence on whether or not Micheal’s a part of this list, or something else entirely at this point. Well…that’s all. I’ll see you for the next one...

- Episode 80, The Librarian 📚

Statement of Jurgen Leitner, regarding his life and works. Statement taken direct from subject.

Stupid.

Idiot.

Mother.

Fucking.

....Jurgen Leitner. *inhales*.....

....*exhales*. Ok. Without further ado. ....WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?????!!!!! I just. HUH?! YOU'RE JUST. YOU'RE JUST ENDING THE SEASON LIKE THAT HUH?! HOW. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT COMING?! ...oh my god I wasn't, was I? I...what am I even doing anymore? Like...now that...all of that has been thrown at me...is there even a point in theorizing anymore? Because I think i have to accept that I'm just...not going to be prepared for anything anymore. I'm just. Wow. On one hand, I'm still stunned that I can officially say I've listened to 2 entire seasons and 80 whole episodes of this story, that is a massive milestone to me. But on the other hand...holy shit there's three more seasons of this?! And then a whole-ass sequel series?! Like. How. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HANDLE ANY MORE OF THIS?! I'm just...look, I still plan to see this entire project through. I've gotten this far, there's no way I'm giving up writing these things when I'm not even at the halfway point. But...I just don't know what to believe anymore....dear lord. So uh...if you couldn't tell...I'm a teensy bit frazzled after this one. Fun fact, I actually listened to Distant Cousin right before a show I was performing in, and like...I thought that was bad at the time. I...could not have been prepared for the feeling of listening to this, away from home, 1 hour before I had to head out to go see Starkid in one of the most life-changing experiences I have ever had. BIG MISTAKE, WOULD NOT RECCOMEND. (concert went great though lol) Ok...screaming aside for a second...this is...pretty damn polarizing. Did I think this was a good way to end the season? Uh...yeah? I'm still kind of deciding as I write this to be honest. I can at the very least say that it left my mouth agape, and it was...certainly a real show-stopping way to end the season, it definitely went out with a bang, but...whether or not I think it's a good way to end the season overall...I feel like that hinges on how well it transitions into Season 3, so...I might reserve my judgement for now. I cannot imagine what it must have been like during the hiatus between seasons, dear lord. Either way though...I can say that this episode was an experience like no other, so...when looking at it on it's own, I feel pretty confident when I say it was fucking amazing.

And honestly...looking at it on its own is probably the best thing I can do right now if I want to maintain my sanity, because...this is by far the biggest lore bomb in the entire podcast so far (and I would NOT be upset if it stayed the biggest lore bomb until the end because jfc), and...there's just a lot. I'm going to make whatever connections I can, but...I doubt I'll be able to pinpoint each and every one of them, at least for the time being. So, just expect me to...work with what I think is the most important for the time being. Rather than make some crazy theories based on miscellaneous lines of dialogue, I'm just going to try and examine and contemplate what the episode clearly tells us, because not only does that information trigger a MASSIVE change in the status quo that I feel like I need to come to terms with before I jump into Season 3, but...that is already a massive workload in it of itself. If I made another "aspect of The Stranger" theory out of this one...I would explode in a nuclear blast that destroys the entirety of the UK. And I mean...god, that information huh? Overall, I think this episode did a great job solving the core mysteries of Season 2, some minor details are still left unaccounted for, but they wrapped the important stuff up nicely, and I'm happy to say that a good few of my predictions and theories ended up being right, some of which I wasn't expecting (although there were also quite a few that ended up being wrong, but they still had cool answers.) But...the thing is...gaining those answers has in turn spawned like...twenty new questions, and because of that...I don't know if this is the most fulfilling or confusing experience in tma so far. And like, that's JUST the lore bits. As for the events that actually transpired on the 16th of February, 2017...you know what, we'll get to it when we get to it. This is already the longest intro I've written for any of these posts, and this is the longest episode in the entire series so far, so...let's just begin. Oh [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER], we're really in for it now... You know, I had actually heard of Brutal Pipe Murder before due to all the memes, but I had no context since I wasn't listening to tma at the time. I was actually starting to think it had something to do with The Piper...but now I'm wondering if that would've been a better outcome for the characters because...what the fuck Elias.

You know....I think it's very telling of this episode's insanity that simply reading the description of this episode was enough to make me recoil from my laptop, not even listening to the damn intro and...already a surprise. So...let's just get it out of the way. As it turns out, the person in the tunnels, the mysterious man with a power over archietecture...was not Adelard Dekker. He wasn't Micheal, he wasn't some eldritch abomination...he was...someone who you might call the biggest clown in the circus. He was potentially laughed out of town. For reasons beyond our comprehension, someone once compared him to a cowboy. Yeah...it's Jurgen Fucking Leitner. I just...wow. You know, it- actually, I don't know whether or not I should have expected this. On one hand, the idea of Leitner showing up at all...yeah, I'm honestly surprised with myself for not even having the thought cross my mind. Leitners have been very prominent throughout this season, both in statements and the overarching plot, especially everything with Gertrude, so...him showing up here is definitely fitting, and he's a great choice for the last statement giver of the season. But at the same time...DAMN did they hide him well. Having him be like....THE guy in the tunnels, the big surprise character reveal for the season...that's just a brilliant move all around, and it thankfully still manages to make perfect sense after everything is revealed. I think maybe the reason I was so surprised by his inclusion here was that...I was always under the impression that if we met him in the first place, he'd be a considerably late addition. I mean, it seemed like the man had caused the most worldwide damage out of anyone in the story so far, and he had this kind of...loremaster vibe going on from what little we knew about him. Both of those thoughts ring truer than ever after this episode, but...no, he's here. Like...I still can't get over it. I...I got to hear JURGEN LEITNER'S voice. Wow. I...honestly don't know why I thought "The Librarian" was referring to Gertrude, maybe it's just because she reminds me of every terrifying presence of a librarian I've met before. And now that he's here...what do I think of him? Well...he isn't exactly what I expected. To make things clear, I wasn't expecting some super evil villain or anything. Mary made it clear that Leitner was a rather kind and courteous person (and when she of all characters considers a person "boring"...well then that person is probably alright), and the story so far has made it clear that Leitner is not the direct creator of the books, just connected to them in a few ways. But even then...I thought he'd be a bit more imposing, a bit more strong and grand. Don't get me wrong, he still definitely has some powerful abilities, and I still believe that out of everyone so far...this guy is like, THE main cause for most bad things that have happened in tma so far. But...that's only because of the mistakes he's made, not really his own power, and overall...he's just a sad, pitiful and regretful old man who's been hiding underground for over two decades. It's far from a problem or anything like that, I think it's really interesting to see what he's finally like at all, and this personality makes PERFECT sense for him when you consider what we learn of his past. But....it's a surprise, a damn good one, but....yeah. Well...I'll cover him a bit more when we get to the actual details, but for now..the actual plot.

So, after their meeting in the tunnels, Jon and Leitner headed back up to the archives. Leitner seems....hasty for all intents and purposes, he clearly wants Jon to help him with something urgent and likely dangerous, although we don't quite learn what he wants until the end of the episode, and...that's mostly due to Jon's opinions. Understandably...he does not trust Leitner. Not only because of the sheer power he displayed, and the general...craziness that's been going on, but also because...it's Jurgen fucking Leitner. The books this man possessed are responsible for the transformations of Mike Crew and Jared Hopworth, the immortality of Mary Keay and...other unfortunate souls, and the deaths of...so, so many people. Whether intentionally or not...Leitner's possession of these tomes has done damage, so I get Jon's fear. He also decides to place the pipe he found in the tunnels on the table for protection, a gesture that I'm sure will have no later repercussions. Anyways, while the two of them are obviously not on great terms right out the gate...they come to an agreement. Jon will help Leitner with whatever he needs, but in return, he must answer all of his questions. So...yeah, this episode is basically one massive lore dump from one of the most important characters in the story...and as much as that intimidates me, I couldn't be happier. Besides, I'm happy they've saved this for the finale rather than putting it in a place where I'm unprepared, it's much appreciated. It also makes Leitner's statement (the part where Jon says "Statement of Jurgen Leitner" went SO HARD for some reason) feel like more of...an interview, or a conversation than most, Jon feels a bit more involved this time than he usually is, even amongst other statements taken direct from subjects. Regardless, the first question he asks (although it's technically before the statement), is...what happened to The NotThem, and also the original Sasha? Well...unfortunately, The NotThem is not truly dead...and Sasha is. In fact, Leitner actually doubts that The NotThem is even capable of dying to begin with. ...great. He explains that he's managed to trap the monster, hopefully for a very long time...but if it could be released from the table, I...don't think we're done with this thing quite yet. Based on what happens later in this episode, I think "The Unknowing" will play quite a prominent role in the not-so-distant future, and...whatever it is, The NotThem is most definitely aware of and likely connected to it, so...I feel like it'll get released sooner rather than later. ...Yikes. Also, it just now occurs to me that due to how this episode ends, the chances of Tim and Martin being aware of the truth about Not!Sasha are slim to none, so...that's fun. Well, hopefully it remains dormant for a decent amount of time, even if it unfortunately hinders exploration of the tunnels.

Speaking of which, the second question Jon asks is one regarding the tunnels! Unfortunately, the tunnels remain as one of the big Season 2 mysteries that we...don't truly understand. We don't know how and why Robert Smirke built them, nor do we know why Jonah Magnus likely felt a need to build the institute on top of them, which is...honestly more of a confusing decision than ever given what we now know regarding...what forces the institute belongs to, and what forces the tunnels don't. However, we do learn about the weird shifting and compressing that Jon witnessed during his explorations, which directly connects to Leitner's ability to shift Smirke's architecture, the same ability he used to trap The NotThem. As I suspected, he doesn't possess any supernatural abilities in his blood, he's much like Mary in the sense that he's not restricted by any one power. Oh...I guess I should address that. So...this episode basically confirms that these...greater eldritch forces, this pantheon of higher powers that have caused everything to happen...are indeed real. I'll go into my thoughts on this reveal and the nitty gritty details later on, but for now, I just want to make it clear that I'm still going to be calling them ✨the horrors✨, since while they've been referred to as things like...."powers", "forces", "entities", it's hard for me to pick up on any one canonical term for referring to them that's more prominent than others, so I'm just going to stick with the one I've made until further notice. It's just that now....I can be a lot more sure of their existence than I was before, at least to an extent. (Don't worry though, I will absolutely be keeping up with the sparkle effects if a canon term is revealed, those are WAY too near and dear to my heart.) Uh...but going back to Jurgen, while he can't wield the powers of ✨the horrors✨ through sheer force of will, he CAN do so via his books. And...he just so happens to be in possession of two as we speak, specifically the ones that Gertrude bought. Uh...yeah, we'll ALSO get to his relationship with her later. Regardless, all of that manipulation of the tunnels he did was due to "The Seven Lamps of Architecture", which much like The Tale of a Field Hospital, is very different from the real world version, being presumably published a year before Ruskin began writing the book, and having text that varies quite a bit from the original. Leitner says that the book makes one feel as if the walls are pressing in around them, and that if handled recklessly it will physically entomb whoever's reading it. This leads me to come to the logical conclusion that this book is an extension of whichever member of ✨the horrors✨ has a fondness for compressing its victims. But despite the dangers, Leitner has learned how to utilize it without much issue, although it's quite arduous and difficult. Apparently, it has a special connection to Smirke's architecture, which is...kind of weird to me? Smirke certainly has his connections to this...compression power, but based on how he talked about George Gilbert Scott, someone who is...DEFINITELY serving the thing, I got the sense that he probably wasn't all that fond of it. So...the fact that The Seven Lamps interacts so well with his work is weird to me, but it...might make sense given some of the additional lore we get surrounding his work. But back to Leitner, uh...yeah, he was basically using The Seven Lamps to keep Jon from finding him or going too deep until he decided whether or not to make contact, and he obviously used it to trap The NotThem.

He also finally explains what was up with all of the trash strewn around, and the arrow. The trash...well, there's not much new there, we just learn that it WASN'T a trail, and that Leitner was just being messy. But as for the arrow...it was apparently drawn by The NotThem, who as Jon and I suspected, was looking for Leitner. THIS is a bit more interesting to me. When I assumed that the person in the tunnels was Adelard, I thought The NotThem was after him for the sake of revenge. (Oh god...now I have to think about where Adelard actually is...) But now...I have to wonder why it was after Leitner. If it...didn't know the identity of the person down there, it could've just been out of curiosity, but if it DID know they were Leitner...well, I now suspect everything this creature has done in The Institute is for the sake of this "Unknowing", and that the "secrets" it was sent to steal by Breekon and Hope somehow pertain to it...maybe even being those same missing files we later learn Leitner is after. So with that in mind...I do have to wonder if Leitner somehow pertains(.../pertained) to "The Unknowing" in a relevant way. He's at the very least aware of and interested in this thing, so...hm. Aaaaahhh god I'm rambling again uh...oh! We also learn that he's in possession of the other missing...well, more of a pamphlet than a book, that Gertrude had. This one, entitled "A Dissapearance" has the ability to remove its reader from the world, but reading one or two words is uh..."sufficient to hide me from the prying eyes of your master", as Leitner says...we'll get to that. Unlike with The Seven Lamps, I...don't actually really know which of ✨the horrors✨ this one belongs to. If I had to guess, it would be The Stranger, since the whole "removal from existence" thing reminds me of The NotThem, but...it doesn't seem to erase memories, and it lacks all of those themes of...the uncanny, deception, so on and so forth that The Stranger seems to possess, so I'm honestly not sure. But, yeah, this pamphlet has allowed Leitner to hide from others when he needs to, and has even let him go above ground, sometimes to meet with Gertrude when she was still alive. He...also mentions that one of his library assistants was never seen again after reading the thing. This...recklessness that Leitner has with his assistants is pretty interesting to me, especially with how it both parallels and foils the institute...but my thoughts on it connect to later revelations, so I'll just leave things here for now. Anyways, all in all, it's nice to finally know what happened to all of Gertrude's remaining Leitners, and learn how Leitner himself has been so evasive all season. It...also makes me realize just how potentially powerful he really could be, or rather...was in his relative youth. Like, sure, he's a rather polite and mostly harmless old man in this episode, but...if he was able to pull all of this off with just two of his nearly 1,000 books that he's come across over the years, then...I kind of shudder to think what he could've been capable of when his library was still around. Anyways...moving on! ....christ this is going to be a long one, isn't it?

So, the next question Jon asks Leitner is...how long has he even been down there? As we already knew, Leitner went into hiding roughly...21 years ago, after his library "burned down." It sounds like he's been in the tunnels for a very long time, but he clarifies that he hasn't spent all of the time down there beneath the institute, since they stretch all across Millbank. (which I actually explored during my trip to London last weekend! Omg I'm just like Jon.) This actually reminded me of all the Millbank Prison details that were given in Too Deep, and I recalled how Jon specifically mentioned how the place was home to one of the more notable attempts at creating a panopticon. ...Given what we learn about the institute in this episode, and how all that correlates nicely with the idea of a tower that watches you when you least expect it, and also...keeps you confined, I do have to wonder if MAYBE that prison design has some greater relevance than I initially assumed. Anyways, Leitner says that he's barely left the tunnels since Gertrude died, mostly due to the fact that despite him having a number of safe spaces on the surface, he constantly finds himself being hunted down by both fearsome monsters, and those who believe he is the one responsible for their loved ones falling victim to ancient tomes beyond mortal comprehension. That...might be an easier explanation as to why The NotThem was so interested in him, maybe the man's just a natural monster magnet in a similar vein to...what I feel like is safe to call Jon now. But who cares about that shit?! Because...Leitner then reveals the most epic piece of information ever conceived.

Apparently, three years ago, he spent a full night outside the tunnels. And on that night, he had the everlasting shit mercillesly beaten out of him, almost to the point of death...by Gerard god damn Keay. Oh. My. God. This...this is everything to me. I don't even think you understand how much I love this. There's like...so much to unpack. Not in the sense that like...this spawns a bunch of new theories, I just...it speaks to me like no other line. Firstly, I'm just happy that Gerard's...finally back in some form. Considering how important the man was in Season 1, I'm...kind of surprised that he's been so absent throughout this season, not even being mentioned in his mother's statement. Although, at the same time, the fact that all he's done this season is go on vacation, warn a woman about the horrors of Genoa (er...not neccessarily the same as ✨the horrors✨ in this case), and then nearly brutally murder Jurgen Leitner...what an icon. I also feel like this gives some...nice clarification when it comes to his character. I've definitely eased off the idea of him being a bad guy as time goes on, considering his negative relationship with his...fucking twisted mother, and his tendency to wipe the ever-dangerous Leitners of the face of the earth...but I feel like this scene adds some additional perspective to his likely motivations. Since Leitner equates him to others who have had their lives destroyed by his books, it...really does get me thinking about how likely fucked up his relationship with Mary is, and really makes it clear...WHY he's so insistent on destroying them. There's still a lot we don't know, and I think he still...BARELY fits into the "morally gray" categoy for me with what knowledge we have, but like...these books are a contributing reason as to why Mary is as fucked up as she is, and given how she was shown to be a twsted psychopath from at least the age of nine...Gerard probably had to put up with her shenanigans all his life. By proxy...Leitners ruined his life as well, so I feel like this initially goofy-sounding action of his actually told me quite a lot about him. Even if he's dead, I really hope we get some sort of statement from him at one point or another, because as much as I already do find him super cool and interesting...he's always played the role of an elusive stranger in all of his episodes, and the one statement giver who actually knew the guy didn't even talk about him at all. So getting to hear things from his perspective, get a better look at his personality and past...yeah, I'd really like it, and I think the chances are pretty high, given his family's connections to the institute, and the fact that he uh...seemingly serves its patron. Oh, and mentioning him being dead! If he died in 2014, and Leitner was beat up by him three years ago, and this episode takes place in 2017...then there is a very good chance that one of, if not THE last notable thing Gerard Keay did before death was nearly killing Jurgen Leitner...and that is so important to me. Rock on king. Heh..."killing Jurgen Leitner". I mean, what kind of psycho would do such a thing to the old man?

Ok, so...moving on. Now, Jon then asks Leitner about...his motives. If he didn't make the books himself, then why did he mark them all with his name? Why did he build his library? ....What was the point of all of this? Now...believe me, this has been a burning question in my mind for the longest time, and it's part of why Leitner's general existence has been such a frustrating anomaly to me. ...Ok, I call him frustrating, but to be honest, a lot of that "frustration" only comes from the rant playing in my head nonstop, and the fact that we...really didn't know much else about the man, but to make myself clear...I quite like him after this episode. He's made some mistakes, BY GOD has he made some mistakes...but for all intensive purposes, I enjoy his character, he's interesting and rather charming at times, with Paul Sims doing an excellent job at portraying him. (Side note, I know he's probably voiced by Paul due to his connections with Gertrude, but...given how Sue Sims probably voices her because she's Jon's predecessor...I do have to wonder if this hints at some deeper connection between Leitner and Jon? Even if they don't know each other personally? Hm. ...I swear to god if him and Gertrude are the man's parents I'll eat my foot) ...FUCK I'm getting sidetracked. Uh..back to my main point. Basically, while the answers are really interesting...I'm just going to skip this part of the statement for now, move on to the part where he talks about his life, the library and its ultimate destruction, and then talk about his motivations when it's appropriate to do so. I just think it's easier that way. Anyways, disregarding all that for a moment, Jon asks Leitner...to tell him everything. The whole story behind the books, his library, "the attack"...all of it. And...it is certainly quite the tale. ...How are we just now getting to the main story of his statement?

...Ok. So, the Leitner family was one that possessed great wealth, as all who commit cosmically stupid mistakes usually do, formerly dealing in manufacture before moving on to property holdings and investments, and they emigrated to England not too long after Jurgen was born. Leitner had...basically his entire life set from birth, and never HAD to do anything of value to succeed, but despite that...he still desired to put effort into doing something noteworthy. You know...for all of the guy's mistakes and flaws, that's actually pretty cool of him. In a world where the majority of the wealthy old men seem content to throw people into the depths of the ocean or isolate them in space until they attempt to kill themselves, both seemingly doing so...because they have the money, I can respect a guy who sets out on a more humble endeavor...even if it ended up getting pretty crazy in the end. Unfortunately, despite his dreams, Leitner initially struggled to find a calling in life, as politics, academia and business all left him unsatisfied...but eventually, he found his skill for finding things. He possessed an uncanny ability to locate items of great value, and eventually, those talents gave him an audience with some of the wealthiest and most eccentric curio hunters in the entire world. It was from an associate named Desmond Lorell where he first learned of the books. Now, Desmond was a foolish man who was completely unaware of how powerful and dangerous these books really were, and...when he found one titled "The Stalwart Hunter's Almanac" well, he did not handle it with care, and...the results of doing so certainly came to bite him in the ass. Much like with "A Disappearance", it's a little hard to tell which one of ✨the horrors✨ this one really belongs to, but...Leitner says that Desmond was found mutilated, so I'm inclined to believe it relates to the meat, since that...seems to be that one's domain. Oh, and of course, the almanac ended up being Leitner's....first of many dark tomes, and the beginning of a chain of truly gruesome events. Surprisingly, Leitner immediately accepted the existence of the paranormal as soon as he discovered it, simply adapting its existence into his life and workflow...and after easily tracking down a few more books, he unfortunately found his calling. Going back to the part where Leitner explains his plans and motivations...it's interesting. Despite his experiences, he was so motivated by his desire to be appreciated and recognized, his own pride, his...let's face it, savior complex, that he remained blind to the true power of the books. He had this strong desire to be known, he thought that if he were able to lock away the eldritch forces of the world in a singular location, his name and library would stand as symbols of peace and justice...but he was a fool. He thought he could control the power within the books, that they had rules and limits, but ultimately...did not understand what was behind them, and didn't even know that ✨the horrors✨ had servants to begin with. You know...considering how much the idea of "person's beloved hobby and/or career gets turned against them" gets utilized in tma, all often using the theme of punishment for hubris...it feels very damn fitting that said hubris was Leitner's motivations. Just...just wow. Ultimately, he's far from a bad person at heart...but he REALLY fucked up didn't he? He's a...flawed and complicated human, and I think the fact that all of these details are revealed in one episode, with more big ones unlikely to come up in the future (because...you know...bonk bonk drip drip), is what makes him such a good and interesting character to me. Anyways, uh...back to the story.

So, with his purpose set in stone, Leitner got to work. Initially, he put...little thought into where the books actually came from, he just focused on acquiring them, and uh..."making sure he had the staff he could spare to study them." ....You know, if that line came from ANYONE else...the connotations would be so much more different. However, he started to run into problems after a while. Once he had built up a decent collection, Leitner found that some of the books reacted....negatively when put close to one another, adding to that idea of ✨the horrors✨ being in...opposition to one another. Thankfully, he was able to get help when he discovered Smirke's architecture for the first time. Apparently, he had written a number of philosophies about how to balance opposing forces, ones that he seemingly incorporated into his architectural designs. So, Leitner commissioned his library to be built in that style, while also buying out a number of buildings that he had built himself...and with that, The Library of Jurgen Leitner had finally been built, and he had acquired a number of additional buildings to store them in as well, and had also finally made his bookplates, which he claims were made as a way of tracking down the books, but...deep down, he did it out of vanity. ...There's quite a bit to unpack there. First of all, I think this finally explains a bit about the timeline surrounding Old Passages. I think the passage that contained the animal bone book was likely one of these extra-mini libraries he possessed, given how they were all built by Smirke. Which I guess means he...did eventually get a hole to the place made? Maybe? That...could potentially require me to adjust my number of ✨the horrors✨ from 14 to 13 if it turned out that one of the passages was just his own tunnel...although I kind of doubt that's the case given how they were all framed. So...that means that he probably stored the book there, and then Gerard retrieved it in the early 2000s when he was a teenager, and it fell back into Mary's hands afterwards, whether consensually on Gerard's part or through force being unclear, so...I guess her saying she got it back after "the attack" was just a timeline thing, and it doesn't really connect to said attack.

But...moving on from that, I find this whole...ability of Smirke, his ability to balance ✨the horrors✨ and make them less powerful very interesting. It very much ties back into a lot of things we already know about him, like the "balance and fear" plaque in Old Passages, and his spiel about balance and equilibrium he gives to Sampson Kempthorne when he shittalks George Gilbert Scott in Foundations. But outside of that...well, part of it just gets me thinking about...what kind of knowledge this guy even had outside of architecture (the fact they're going THIS far with a real historical figure is kind of insane to me), but I feel like it also explains a lot of his motivations. I was initially under the impression that Smirke was building all of these horrific estates for dark forces out of....just being another weird servant of ✨the horrors✨, probably not bound to any specific one in the same vein as Mary and Leitner, but still...kind of a freaky guy. But now that we know his goal with the architecture was to create balance between these dark forces that are always at war with each other...yeah, I kind of think the man's saving people's asses as we speak. Now, after hearing this, I thought "oh, if his architecture can manage ✨the horrors✨, then maybe the tunnels are a sort of safe space", but...no, that's...entirely wrong of me. I mean, we have Micheal, The NotThem and The Seven Lamps of Architecture all working down there, Micheal outright says that everyone's safer in the institute than in the tunnels, and I mean...all of Smirke's architecture so far has had something freaky inside. Sure, the tunnels act as a safe space for Leitner, but I think that's less of a crazy cosmic horror deal and more of a...just being underground and generally well hidden sort of deal, so overall, that line of thinking was VERY wrong of me. I think it's actually a lot more likely that Smirke built these as places to...contain ✨the horrors✨, pretty much exactly like how Leitner did. They might be really freaky and dangerous spaces on their own, but...if not for his work, who knows how rampant ✨the horrors✨ would be today. So yeah, Smirke seems like he was a pretty cool guy for his time...but there is one other thing that bothers me.

For a while now, I've been wondering...why exactly the institute was constructed over the tunnels. And unfortunately...this episode just makes things more complicated for me. This episode gives us definitive confirmation that the institute belongs to one of✨the horrors✨, and while it's TECHNICALLY possible that connection only arrived when Elias became head, or maybe someone else...I have some slight doubts. I'm far from entirely closed off to that being a possibility, but given the long-standing connection to the von Closens and The Keays that has persisted since the institute's founding...I feel somewhat confident in the idea that the institute has had these connections to its patron since it's conception, especially due to all of the weird oddities surrounding Jonah Magnus and the like. So...if you're in service of one of ✨the horrors✨...why would you want to build the institute over a place that seeks to contain and suppress its power? Sure, maybe it has a chance of keeping the institute a little bit safe from your enemies, but...you're unlikely to be an exception in this case. So...why? But, I mean, hey, this is all on the assumption that Jonah Magnus, or anyone else who might've been involved in the institute's founding, was a servant of ✨the horrors✨. But truth be told...we know very little about Jonah, or the early history of the institute in general. I mean, he was definitely up to some sketchy stuff, probably doing some pretty deep digging when you remember he...SOMEHOW found Mrs. Carlisle's journal in a random cave in Idaho, but...that's really it, and they could go in a ton of directions when it comes to all this. The only person in all of the institute's history we know of who is a willing servant of ✨the horrors✨...is Elias, so it's possible all of this freaky shit started with him. I...could make an argument for either side honestly. Maybe it gained its patron when it was founded, maybe it did so when Elias arrived, or maybe it did so somewhere in between, who knows? I'm just going to leave it up in the air for the time being, because I want to be open to all logical possibilities regarding this matter...but that does mean that for now, the purpose of building the institute above the tunnels remains an anomaly. ...Where was I? Oh yeah, THE ACTUAL PLOT. ...help me please. ...I just realized how surprising it is that we didn't get more on that skin page Mary gave Gertrude. Like...I'm kind of glad they didn't give me EVEN more to chew on, but like...come on, what the hell was up with that?

Ok, so, with all of that, Leitner had finally built his grand library. A vast, maze-like structure located in who-knows-where that was home to...978 books in the end, dear god. That's not a lot for an average library...but it's concerning for one of this type. Unfortunately though...the library did not stand for a very long time, as it wasn't long until "the attack" happened. Now, we were initially led to believe that the library burned down...but what actually happened was so much worse. So, Leitner had put great effort into making sure that the power of the books was contained within his library, hence Smirke's designs...but he did not account for stopping things from getting in, because outside of the few odd artifacts, he didn't know that ✨the horrors✨ could manifest in ways other than the books, let alone have servants. For a while before the attack, almost every day Leitner would be met with a stranger who wished to view his collection. They were always...odd, speaking and moving in non-human ways, often forgetting to blink. Based on this description, I think it's likely that these..."people" were agents of The Stranger...meaning that they kind of spearheaded the attack. I find this relevant because, well...it's pretty easy to see the parallels between Leitner's library and the institute, and given my theory about what "The Unknowing" is....and how it's seemingly being spearheaded by servants of The Stranger...well, we'll get to it later, just know that I feel like the parallels are worth considering in regards to the attack. And speaking of which...the attack. Ok, well before that, I wanted to mention this. Leitner says he was typing a catalogue entry for "A Journal of a Plague Year" on the day of the event, and that's actually another example of a real world book made into a Leitner! Written by Daniel Defoe and published in 1722, it account's the experiences of a London man during the bubonic plague. If the Leitner is at all similar to the original, then I think it probably belongs to The Flesh Hive, given all of the themes of disease it could play with. Anyways, the attack.

So, I initially assumed that Leitner's library burned down, and he scattered his surviving books across the land in an attempt to keep them safe. But the truth of the matter is...well...all of ✨the horrors✨ lead an attack on the library...because all of them were after their books. So...all of the Leitners that have been found in the wild since the attack got to their respective locations through different means. And I mean...god, the description of the attack is just absloutely brutal. All of these assistants who...Leitner clearly saw as disposable, let's be honest, just...dying in the most gruesome ways. From what I can discern, there were four members of ✨the horrors✨ described in this scene. One assistant was stabbed in the throat by a creature with knife-like limbs and too many teeth, which sounds...pretty similar to The NotThem if I'm being honest, so even if it wasn't...I'm inclined to equate this creature to The Stranger. Another one was pulled into a giant pile of meat (gross), which I don't think I need to explain. And then there was one assistant who fell through a hole beneath her, and another who was plucked away by a giant hand from the roof,...and both of those seem to align with "The Vast" in my opinion. And then...there's the assistant who went through a door that shouldn't have been there. ...So yeah, Micheal was there at the attack- or, maybe it wasn't Micheal at the time, it was just The Distortion...uhhhhh...we'll go over that reveal in a bit. Oh, and Leitner also mentions rooms that fell into darkness and fire that didn't burn the books, so..that means Mr. Pitch and The Lightless Flame were also there. Leitner managed to escape, either because ✨the horrors✨ let him or our of luck...but the same could not be said for his assistants. He ran as far away as he could as his life's work was laid to ruin...and that was it. The Library of Jurgen Leitner was destroyed, the books within were scattered across the world and left to bring ruin to the lives of many (well...just The UK so far...I find it kind of hilarious how all of the freaky shit seems to be here of all places, honestly it's not unfitting), and Leitner was left to hide in what little safe space he could find for the next two decades, no books in hand, most of the world presuming him dead, and most who knew he was alive were intent on hunting him down, whether out of monstrous bloodlust or vengeance for their loved ones. The bookplates he once wished would act as a symbol of goodwill became an omen of evil, and therefore...so did he. ...So that's his story. Overall, it's very nice to finally get the full picture on one of the podcast's most vague and mysterious historical events...but MAN is it bleak. It's such a good yet such a depressing story about a man who...really wanted to do good in the world, but was so driven by his own pride and desire to be noticed that he ended up committing acts so cosmically stupid that...I think they beat out the table incident honestly. It's just...IT'S JUST SO GOOD!!! But...even though that's the main story of the episode...it is so far from over yet. There's just...so much. I feel...I feel like Jonny cooked a little TOO hard with this one...uuuaaaaagggghhhh.

Ok...so moving on. So, before the next big reveal comes in, Jon reprimands Leitner for his actions, while also asking why he didn't just burn the books. Leitner says that, once again, it was mostly due to his own pride, but there are some more logistical reasons for it as well. From Book of the Dead, we already know that some of them can't be burned, but...Leitner says that some of them actually liked the fire, and that the ones that did..."would be released to take a different form." ...This is interesting. I think it's safe to say that the books that liked the fire belonged to The Lightless Flame, but...them taking different forms...that's interesting, and someone in the Youtube comments ended up being smart enough to point out...maybe that's where Agnes is from? Obviously she was around LONG before the library was destroyed, but...she doesn't seem to be all that human, and her aging process is also quite the mystery, so...yeah, it's a fun thought, I like the idea of her being a direct manifestation of The Lightless Flame coming from a Leitner. But..moving on from that, Jon asks his next question? If Leitner didn't take any books with him after the attack, how did he get the ones he holds now? Well...this is where Gertrude comes into play. So, funnily enough, I've been on the assumption that she was working with Leitner since Held in Customs, where it was revealed that she was indeed grbookworm1818...but it was actually for the wrong reasons. I thought that she was buying her books directly off of Leitner, but only recently remembered she was getting them from random sources like auctions, so...I find it kind of funny that I accidentally predicted they were working together for completely wrong reasons. But...yeah, when Leitner started his collaboration with her (how they met being unclear), she helped him track down three of the missing books she thought could assist him. Now, Leitner says that while it was mostly done out of a desire to learn more about the books, which makes sense given what we know of her...he suspects that Gertrude helped him out of her own loneliness. That's, uh....not what I expected. From what we've seen of Gertrude so far, I never got the impression that she was...particularly dependent on others in any way shape or form, unless she had some substantial knowledge to gain from collaboration. So...hearing Leitner say this is pretty interesting to me. It's possible that maybe this WASN'T the case, and that Leitner is somewhat unreliable here, but...he seems to know Gertrude quite well, based on my impression of him at least, so I feel kind of obligated to hear him out on this one. Either way...it's an interesting characterization, certainly not what I expected. But...what's more interesting to me is WHY Leitner thinks Gertrude was lonely.

So...apparently, she actually had three assistants of her own, all of whom met "unpleasant ends", the last of them dying not long before she met Leitner. ...Oh dear. Ok, on one hand, this is a SUPER exciting reveal. I'm a sucker for whenever a faction of characters gets to have like...a full-on previous itteration of their group, who all get to be very fleshed out with their own stories, and sometimes act as parallels and/or foils to their successors...so if tma ends up pulling something like that with Gertrude's assistants...OOOHHHH that's enticing. But on the other hand...this is absolutely terrifying. It kind of depends on HOW they died, but...to know that Gertrude lost all of her assistants to...what I can only assume is ✨the horrors✨ is just...no. And like, sure, as far as I'm concerned we have no knowledge of these assistants outside of what's given in this episode, it's not like I'm super invested in them or anything...but I am very invested in our current archival assistants. And you know...given how Gertrude parallels Jon, and how the library parallels the institute, and how both the library and the institute have histories of assistant abuse, and how it's likely the old archival staff will parallel and/or foil the new one, and how Sasha has already left us...yeah, I'm absolutely terrified by the thematic implications here. Just...no. Oh, and the same principle goes for the narrative implications, it's just that...I shouldn't have to explain why people dying horrible deaths is unnerving. ...Gertrude Robinson is simultaneously making more and less sense as the days go on. It's um..it's very...not great sounding. Uh...m-moving on, we also learn what was up with the destroyed copy of The Key of Solomon Jon found in the tunnels (unfortunately the same cannot be said for the destroyed chairs). While some of the finer details are ultimately lost, the implication is that this one belonged to multiple members of ✨the horrors✨, and likely contained knowledge on them as well. Leitner and Gertrude thought they could utilize the stability inside the tunnels to gain its secrets, but it..."went wrong" in the former's words, and they had to destroy it. ...It is after this reveal that Jon asks...what is most definitely his craziest question yet. He asks...what these "powers", these forces arrayed against them, the ones behind everything...even are, and Leitner responds by saying that Jon should know about them by now...but also realizes that he's more of an observer than a connecter (oh my god oh my god), and says that Gertrude was quite similar to him in that regard. But Jon isn't satisfied with that, and he pushes on. So with that...it's time. It's time to finally learn about ✨the horrors✨. ...the way I screamed you have no idea.

Ok...so, starting off, let me just say that....I was right...and I'm extremely happy about that. Ok, well I obviously can't say that I was ENTIRELY right, and honestly, I don't expect myself to be entirely right going forward. Details such as...the exact number of these things, or what each specific one even is beyond the, like...seven that are basically confirmed still elude us, there's a LOT of information revealed here that I never predicted to begin with, especially that in regard to how ✨the horrors✨ function, and said information also creates even MORE questions, so...yeah, I can't fully judge how right or wrong I am until we get more information. But...I can at the very least say that I was right about the idea of all the spooky shit being at the behest of a pantheon of eldritch horrors, and while I'm certain that's far from the craziest theory ever...I don't know, I'm still pretty proud of myself whenever I correctly predict...anything in advance, and what, I've theorized this since like...A Father's Love? I...yeah, I think that's pretty good and validating! And I mean, my experience aside...the fact that there's finally any semblance of confirmation on just...how and why everything has been happening is just...kind of unreal to me. I'm...I'm really at the point where this is canon. Also, because I don't really know where else to put this, I feel like I should mention that...yes, revealing why all of this spooky shit has been happening in the first place and where it comes from...does have the potential to put the story less scary going forward, given how a lot of tma's horror comes from a fear of the unknown. But...I wouldn't be so immidiately pessimistic. The information we're given on ✨the horrors✨....makes them up to be pretty terrifying in their own right, leaning more into cosmic horror than tma has ever done before in my opinion, and on top of that, I feel like even if the podcast were to get less scary, that wouldn't matter to me all that much as long as other aspects of the story grew in its place. Because as strong as the horror is...I don't know, I think tma excels in a lot of other areas as well, such as its endearing characters, and what is obviously my favorite aspect, the general mystery, which encompasses lore and plot more than it does the nature of ✨the horrors✨. Oh, and that's not to say I think the story will become weaker if we get answers regarding lore and plot, it's just...look, the point is that my main concern is that the story remains consistently good. I don't really care how it decides to be good...I just want general quality. So...yeah, overall, I'm not too worried by these big reveals. Ok, that was...a lot more preamble than what I expected...what even ARE these big reveals I'm gassing up?

Oh...Jesus H. Crisps. So, Leitner explains that there are..entities, beings, forces beyond simple human comprehension...that do indeed exist. He initially says that they exist in the world, but then corrects himself by saying that they exist...next to it. Not neccesarily in different dimensions, Leitner clarifies that himself. My interpretation is that they exist in...some sort of in-between state? That's not to say that there's neccesarily alternate dimensions to begin with in tma's world, but like...I guess they exist in...purgatory? Primordial chaos? Some sort of...inner layer of a cosmic firmament? Just like...the void, is what I'm picking up here. Not an entirely different world, and as Leitner says, they are still linked to ours in ways I'll explore in a second, but...they sure as hell do not exist in any defined location on Earth, at least...not in their full power. So, throughout this whole description of ✨the horrors✨ (I just...I'm still in awe that they're actually real and being talked about properly), Leitner is very adamant on making the point that they are NOT. HUMAN. Like...in any way shape or form. The idea I once proposed, that they possessed thoughts and personalities that at the very least vaguely resemble human ones...was utter horseshit. These are eldritch beings in their prime, they are not and...probably never will be understood by humankind. And...yes, I am more than aware that such a reveal probably requires me to rethink some theories, such as the idea of Rayner's possessor being Mr. Pitch itself...but that is a whole othe rabbit hole that I don't have the time or energy to descend into, and...I'll save that for whenever The Divine Host comes back into play, because I still refuse to believe they're actually done for. Same principle applies for any other theories that might be changed by these reveals. Anyways, the fact of ✨the horrors✨ being almost entirely inhuman comes into play later through different means, but for now, it's only important for understanding that...these things just cannot function in our universe. It's never explained why, it's just...it's like trying two opposing magnetic forces together, it just scientifically does not work. At least...not fully. Whatever these things even are...while they might not be able to manifest in the human realm in full force, they can...push through on occasion. Basically, almost all of the weird manifestations we see, whether that be artifacts, books or just...generally strange occurrences, are...pieces of these beings bleeding into our world. Leitner uses a pretty good analogy to describe it. He says that if you imagine humans as ants in a colony who have never seen a human, and then imagine a scenario where a massive human figure started diving into your colony as the same as ✨the horrors✨ bleeding into our world...then that's basically it. He also says that the ants might have trouble figuring out if all of the body parts of the human are their own beings, or if they're all connected to one larger being they can't fully visualize, which is equated to people not being able to figure out if...let's say, a Leitner, is just its own entire thing, or simply a fragment of an eldritch being in a plane of its own. ...God, where is he even getting this information from? Like...huh? How? How...how do people know about this stuff? Who discovered these things? I just....AAAUAUUUUUGGHHHHH. Uh...moving on, there's another key piece of information regarding ✨the horrors✨ that we get here.

Jon asks if they're all "evil gods", but Leitner essentially says...no. Obviously there are plenty of people who see them as gods, as seen with all of the goddamn cults, but Leitner says that...trying to force a sort of..."pantheon" of these things into existence, trying to rationalize these beings and understand them as if they were gods from any other religion or mythology...doesn't really work. It ties back into the whole "these things can't be humanized" idea. This is...perplexing to me. While we still don't have a full list of these things, nor all of their titles...I feel like this dialogue confirms that such a list exists. All of the cults serve different beings, and all of the beings are fighting each-other. But...the whole monologue here kind of suggests that in actuality...that interpretation might not be correct. Assuming that there's a definable pantheon of eldritch gods isn't really a genuine academic study of these things, rather...it's just humanity's attempt to rationalize them, to understand what cannot be understood. Now, I don't think this makes trying to create a list of ✨the horrors✨, or trying to separate them into different beings entirely futile. At the end of the day, humans are still making distinctions between them, they're still worshiping and fighting over separate powers, and that is a more important plot point than ever. If the humans in this story can make their attempts at rationalizing ✨the horrors✨, then I sure as hell can do so. Besides, I like coming up with eldritch god pantheons, and I mean...the plot is already confusing enough as is, so I do NOT need more confusion on top of that. In short, I think the pursuit of further understanding these things is far from a fruitless one, because it'll help me understand what all of these weird people's goals and...overall deals are...but it won't help me understand ✨the horrors✨ themselves. Whatever framework humanity defines ✨the horrors✨ under is good for understanding the cults and the weirdos and all of the little pieces that bleed through...but not ✨the horrors✨ in their purest form. As of now...trying to understand them specifically seems like a futile quest. But hey...the pantheon DOES exist, maybe only in our puny earthling minds, but like...so does the concept of time, but I don't see YOU calling that useless, do I? ....Ok, this got a little too deep. Uh...oh! There's one last major thing, and thankfully it's a lot more simple.

Basically, Leitner explains that things like the books and...presumably all other sorts of artifacts, are exactly what I previously explained, just pieces or...direct creations of ✨the horrors✨ brought into the human realm, "their essences in a purer form." But....their servants, beings like The NotThem, or any of the cult members...they're a bit of a different story. They are still directly connected to ✨the horrors✨, or course, and maybe slightly controlled by them...? I don't know, that part's a little bit more vague, it would tie in with what Jon said about...the people affected by Leitners becoming more like the powers than themselves, but the point is...even if they're directly connected to ✨the horrors✨, even if they're...somewhat a part of them, they are also still their own individuals. So like, The NotThem for example. It's seemingly connected to what we define as "The Stranger", and definitely...represents it in a lot of ways, but it's also it's own concious being at the same time, emphasized by how it...kind of betrayed those it was working for. This kind of makes me think of ✨the horrors✨ as like....reclusive gods who the people never see, and all of the weirdos who've been marked by them, their...prophets, connected and representative of the beings they work for...but still somewhat individual. And yes, I'm well aware that's kind of falling into the trap of trying to humanize ✨the horrors✨...but I'm just...REALLY trying to not get confused here, ok? The chances of us actually meeting ✨the horrors✨ in their purest forms seems pretty slim at the moment, and the chances of them being anything vaguely human-like...seem slim to none, so...if we wanted to get any idea of what ✨the horrors✨ would be like if they had actual minds or personalities like that of regular people (so like, eldritch gods more in line with The Lords in Black from Hatchetifield...look I had to mention them at some point because have you SEEN some of those parallels?!), then...I guess all of their servants are our best bet. And one last bit. While most of the people and sentient monsters who are connected to ✨the horrors✨ have their own individual minds...there do seem to be a couple of exceptions here and there, ones that embody the power they serve on a...deeper and purer level. The most obvious example of this to me is Jane, who is similar to people like...I don't know, Mike, in the sense that she's a human who was turned monstrous by one of ✨the horrors✨, but...looking at her personality, or rather her...disturbing lack of one post-statement, it's clear that she's a lot more intrinsically linked to The Flesh Hive than Mike is The Vast for example, which is likely a result of all of the hivemind themes going on there, and also...arguably one of the best cases to be made for a pantheon interpretation of ✨the horrors✨...actually being pretty on the money. So uh yeah...all very interesting...and all very terrifying.

Ok...that was a lot. I'm sorry if my analysis was kind of sloppy it's just...wow. I'm very grateful for all of this information, believe me, but at the same time....GRRRRRRR I NEED MORE!!! Like it's just...it's just missing a few core details that could make me feel at ease, but for now....ugggghhh. Overall, I think that...in order for me to fully feel at peace with all of this information, I'm going to just...need to get used to it being a thing, since WOW is this a dramatic change in terms of worldbuilding and status quo, but I'll also need some extra bits of information here and there. Like, even if they can't be truly understood, even if the idea of them functioning like the Greek pantheon or whatever isn't scientifically correct...I'd like to at the very least know...what that pantheon concieved by humanity is, because there's clearly...SOME sort of list out there given how everyone talks about ✨the horrors✨ as seperate beings. Like, what do people call each of them? How many of them do people think they are? And like...is there any more information due to come out on their true nature, or are they cursed to forever remain mysterious and vague? Because like...whether as a symbolic design choice or as an in-universe fact, I'm more sure of the idea of them representing different kinds of fears than I've ever been, and if you pair the idea of them bleeding into our world with the simulation theory...then maybe ✨the horrors✨ are like the virtual world creators influencing the matrix-WAIT! NO! NO! I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO GO THAT OFF TRACK! BAD! Look it's just...it's just a lot. Truth be told, I'm still processing all of this, because it is just...such a monumental lore-drop. Hopefully I'll have a better understanding of them sooner rather than later, but for now...it's just a matter of getting adjusted to this new information being a thing, which...kind of ties back into the whole "this episode is amazing on its own but I can't really determine whether or not it's a good finale until I see how it transitions into Season 3" thing, and it's also a matter of getting more information that explains ✨the horrors✨ in more detail. But for now...I'm just going to leave it all here. Oh my god HOW AM I STILL NOT DONE I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS POST FOR FIVE FUCKING WEEKS NOW JUST SAVE ME ALREADY!!! Well, next up we have...what is objectively the only important aspect of this entire episode, and if you disagree with me you shall be thrown into a hallway. Everything else would've been important if it wasn't for this. That's right. It's time for the fucking Micheal lore-drop.

So....Micheal. God's favorite. Owner of all nobel prizes. The boy who lived. Whatever. He's...been quite the perplexing character, hasn't he? Over like...the past four posts, I've concoted a plethora of theories as to what his deal is, which has been...as maddening as it is throughly enjoyable, which is honestly a pretty good way to describe the entire process of writing these. And...while there's still quite a lot of pieces missing, like...wow do I still not understand him one bit, this episode wa sgracious enough to give us some...vague, yet still very insightful information on him. It...honestly feels kind of miraculous to get anything at all. ...So. Basically since his vocal debut, I've assumed that...whatever Micheal is, he is part of a larger being. This is because in The New Door, when Jon asks if he "owns" his hallway dimension, he responds by asking if "your hand, in any way, owns you stomach." This has led me to believe that Micheal, his hallways, and...likely his door are all part of a much larger being...and I think this episode confirms it. Leitner tells Jon that "Micheal" is simply a name used by something called "The Distortion". ...Oh boy. This can be interpreted in...a lot of ways. Maybe "The Distortion" is just the real name of the blonde man, and "Micheal" is an alias for whatever reason, I don't know. But my interpretation is that...The Distortion is the larger entity that Micheal and the hallways encompass. I have...no idea what it could be outside of that. Like...what kind of "distortion" is it? Temporal? One in the fabric of reality? Is is a simple manifestation of one of ✨the horrors✨, an artifact, or a servant with a will of its own? I just...I just have no idea. However, what I do have for a reasonable belief is the idea that The Distortion...takes different forms at many times. The backrooms are one of them, but Micheal is another. Given how Leitner describes him, I think Micheal is like...a vessel, The Distortion's OC or something. It can't move around or communicate with others due to...whatever its nature even is, place, monster, alternate dimension, who knows? So...it uses Micheal like you would use...a player character in a video game or something. Which to me, makes a lot more sense that Micheal being a corrupted human, since his demeanor and...even apperance, range from somewhat strange to just straight up not human in nature. For him to be the persona, the humanoid vessel of something that is anything but human...I think it checks out. It's also...VERY similar to The NotThem, but it's basically confirmed that the two of them are believed to belong to different members of ✨the horrors✨ now, so...either their similarities are purely a thematic representation of the deceit, paranoia and insanity that Jon has been up against all season, since the two of them have...basically been the main antagonists for this part of the story, or...it might tie into the idea of the agreed upon pantheon of ✨the horrors✨ being somewhat debatable, but...I'm not going to go there for now. And you know what's funny? ...All of this information doesn't entirely disregard my theory about all of the Micheals being this one. I mean...there's like a 0.5% chance it happens, but...it's still not impossible, and that is absolutely hilarious to me. It SHOULDN'T have lasted this long, and yet...here we are. Either way though...I feel like some of the ideas presented in that theory hold some merit? Like, I've already talked about Mike having a "fractal pattern" burned into his skin potentially making him...somewhat connected to Micheal, but...Micheal is a very, VERY common name, and if we view him as The Distortion's attempt at making a human OC for itself to parade around as...I don't know, the idea of it choosing one of the most common names feels tonally appropriate to me, so...maybe the heavy amount of Micheals is actually meant to foreshadow something here, even if they aren't the same person.

But, crackpot theory aside, there is one other big piece of information we got on Micheal here. So...you know how I kind of suggested that if my simulation fear experiment theory was true, there was a chance that Micheal was a glitch or virus trying to break things down? Well...while the general simulation theory I proposed in Thought for the Day still holds pretty strong ground in my opinion...the second part doesn't do so at all anymore. This is because we have explicit confirmation that Micheal, and "The Distortion" at large, is an aspect of one of ✨the horrors✨. So...he's a part of a larger being that is part of a larger being. That is...just way too perfect for him holy shit. So, yeah...The Distortion, whatever or whoever it truly is, belongs to an eldritch power which Leitner calls "The Spiral", although it was initially named by one of his assistants as "Esmentiaras" which roughly translates to "it is lies" or "it is lying". Honestly, both are pretty fitting names, but I'll stick with "The Spiral", since I think it fits better with the...common trends seen among the naming schemes for ✨the horrors✨. Anyways, Leitner explains that The Spiral deals in fooling and tricking the senses, making people see things that aren't really there and driving them to insanity, which...definitely checks out when you consider the nature of the backrooms. And of course, it has a fondness for fractals. That's...really all of the major stuff I have to say on "The Spiral", truth be told I don't think there's much hiding in Leitner's words here, although I do have a couple of thoughts that...kind of relate to it. First of all, this confirms that Micheal and/or The Distortion specifically...isn't one of ✨the horrors✨ in its entirety, simply an aspect of The Spiral. This might mean that episodes that...seem as if they contain involvement from Micheal might actually just be related to some other manifestation or servant of The Spiral, and that maybe some statements I initially didn't understand the cause behind...might be a bit more clear now. I think an example of this might actually be the one and only homophobic vase. It basically caused Mr. Ramao to stop trusting what he perceived as reality, and...I mean, it's not exactly fractals, but the patterns on it...line up with them well enough for me. Secondly, while the idea of Micheal being some external variable infiltrating the simulation run by ✨the horrors✨ is absolutely not true, I...still think he might be able to break down the system given what he did to Lydia. I mean, her talk about staring into the faces of cosmic horrors when sleep deprived feels more relevant than ever now, and even if Micheal belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨...he's still a bit of an exception. What made him so initially terrifying to me was how he was the first example, and...still is one of the only examples of ✨the horrors✨ not being entirely antagonistic, he's much more hard to predict and turbulent in his alignment, and on top of that, he's one of the very few freaky characters so far that seems to have no stake in the struggle between ✨the horrors✨ beyond just seeing what happens next and fucking around when he wants to, so...I think he's still capable of doing some unique shit, just not for the reasons I once assumed. Or..maybe for no reason at all. And finally...god damn, if the way Leitner talked about The Spiral didn't make me even more suspicious of ✨the horrors✨' connections to fear...I don't know what it did. Well, that's a wrap on the Micheal lore! He's the humanoid identity of something called The Distortion which we know next to nothing about (maybe...one of many given how Leitner phrased it as "what it calls itself nowadays", rather than just in general), and The Distortion belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨, which is usually referred to as The Spiral. MOVING ON!

Ok...so before I get to the big event YES I KNOW IT'S TAKING A WHILE, there is one last bit of information Leitner gives regarding ✨the horrors✨. Basically, he tells us that if you want to classify which one is causing any instance of the paranormal, you need to think about the meaning behind what it's manifesting as, rather than...just exactly what's in front of you. The example used here is bones. Sometimes, bones are used to represent the raw physicality of flesh, which seems to tie them back to the body horror. But on other occasions, they might be a symbolic representation of butchery, or a human figure like Micheal being twisted into something impossible, the former of which being...a bit hard for me to decipher a connection for, and the second one obviously being The Spiral. Ok? That's all I've got. Now...for Jon's last question. The one that's been on our minds this entire season. The one that's been the driving force behind all of his actions over these past 40 episodes. ...Who killed Gertrude Robinson. Even if it's not always the big mystery at the forefront of everything...if Jon didn't care about it, if the prospect of her murder didn't terrify him as much as it does...we would not be here. So...who did it? Well, Leitner is quick to deny himself as the murderer (which honestly thank god, like I said, I could NOT handle Jonny's dad murdering Jonny's mom), but he still attempts to change the subject and shallowly reassure Jon that he's fine, likely out of fear. But, Jon keeps on pushing for answers, like he always does...and we finally get them. Gertrude Robinson was murdered by Elias Bouchard. At least, if Leitner's to be believed, and I don't think I have much reason to assume otherwise. ...Ok. For...very obvious reasons, I'm going to save the Elias discussion for just a little bit longer, since...I have quite a few thoughts. For now though...I think I can at the very least give my opinion on the general twist of him killing her. I...honestly think it works pretty well! Now, look, is it the craziest plot twist of all time, god no. I was suspicious of this man since before he even showed up in person, and when it was revealed that Gertrude was murdered and I listened to his statement in Human Remains, that suspicion only grew. I mean, hell, Jon himself was exceedingly suspicious of him as well, so I don't even think it's supposed to be a big twist. The big twist...comes a little bit later, but I'll hold my tongue for the time being. But all things considered...I'm still satisfied, and decently surprised as well! While there is still a lot we don't know about Elias, and this finale raised like...a thousand more questions about him from me, with the information we've been given on his motives and methods so far...yeah, I don't see any reason to doubt it's possible. And while I never looked away from him completely, I think the podcast did a genuinely good job at making me consider other candidates for Gertrude's murder, such as..."the person in the tunnels" as we once knew him. It didn't necessarily make me trust Elias, just...not pay as much attention to him as I should've. So...yeah, it's far from the craziest plot twist I've ever seen, but it works well enough, and like I said, it's not like this episode is derived of twists. ...God, is it not derived of twists.

Anyways, my thoughts aside, Leitner goes on to explain what he believes is Elias' motive for killing her. Apparently...she was going to destroy the archives, along with Leitner himself, although Elias seemingly didn't know about the latter's involvement. That's...certainly interesting. It definitely lines up with what we currently know about Gertrude so far, given how it's been well established that she didn't trust the institute. And...look I'm not going to bother doing the whole dramatic buildup here, but since we now have confirmation that the institute belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨...that also lines up, since both Leitner and Gertrude have a history of fighting against them through different means, although the latter's motives for doing so still remain a gaping mystery. And it makes sense for Elias to stop her, since...well, he's the head, I assume the institute is very dear to him if that's the case, like...yeah it's his job. I do have questions about the whole timeline of events surrounding this, Gertrude and Leitner's methods, the...suspicious emphasis on the archives rather than the institute as a whole, which I've talked about before, and also...who we consider to be in the "right" here, Gertrude or Elias, but that last one's...a whole other can of worms. [INSERT OBLIGATORY JANE MENTION HERE.] But uh...yeah, overall, this all makes sense so far. It's here that Leitner also reveals what he needs from Jon. Apparently, there are files on...something, it's kind of vague on what exactly, but they seem to contain information on the institute, and...things Gertrude found on The Stranger specifically. Uh...we'll touch on that a bit more in a second, all we need to know right now though is that these files are...important, important and secret enough to the point where Elias likely stole them after murdering Gertrude. Leitner was digginng for them in the archives, hence what Jon saw on the CCTV, but since they weren't there, he assumes they need to break into Elias' office and steal them before he catches on to what's going on. Oh, and mentioning the CCTV, Leitner ALSO explains (god my head is spinning from all this explanation) that the reason Elias can still be the murderer despite him not showing up on the CCTV footage...is because he has the ability to directly control what they see, or simply ruin them beyond recovery, at least when it comes to those in the institute. And...that's when Jon comes to a big realization. Something that most of the season has been building up to. As expected...the institute is the domain of one of ✨the horrors✨. The being that always makes Jon feel as if he's being watched. The being that's preventing Tim, and seemingly everyone from quitting. The being that stalked Rosa Meyer. The being responsible for the ancient archivist in Alexandria. The being that Elias...seemingly serves. ..."The Eye", otherwise known as Beholding. ...Yikes.

Honestly, while I, and I assume most others, clocked it a while ago...I think the buildup to this reveal was handled absolutely phenomenally, just...sowing little seeds as the story progresses. And in general, the twist of the institute being just as paranormal as everything it researches is just...such a novel concept in its own right, and I'm REALLY intrigued to see what they do next now that the theory has been confirmed. Also, I feel like an idiot for just not calling it "The Eye" in the first place. Something like "The Spiral"...makes sense, but isn't THAT easy to predict. This though...I don't know, I feel like it should be within my capacity to call it that with confidence, but...whatever. Anyways, Leitner goes on to explain that not only does the institute belong to The Eye...but so does Jon as well. Now, based on the whole...inability to quit thing, I get the sense that everyone in the institute has at least some sort of connection to The Eye, but Jon...he seems special. The NotThem literally called him its "pupil" in the previous episode. This seemingly ties into the title of "archivist" having greater meaning, which leads me to assume that Gertrude possessed a lot of the same unique qualities as Jon...but beyond that, we don't know much. All we know is that...Jon is important in this regard, but how exactly is just a wide open enigma at the moment. I can at the very least recognize that he doesn't seem to be...quite as willing to serve it as some others, but...he also doesn't seem to be that able to fight against...whatever power The Eye has over him, which is actually in stark contrast to Gertrude. For all their similarities, the two archivists have quite a few differences, and one of those is that Gertrude was a lot less of a coward. She went out of her way to put a stop to multiple paranormal occurrences, which included destroying one of The Eye's domains...and attempting to destroy the institute herself, so despite her likely connection to it...she wasn't subservient. Granted, it's possible that Jon will do more things like her in the future and I'll be proven wrong, I mean, it doesn't seem like he'll be confined to the institute in Season 3 given how the episode ends, so that could definitely provide opportunities to fight against the paranormal directly soon enough. But for now...I get the sense that Gertrude was a lot stronger than him in this regard, but...it's all very interesting. Well...with all of that out of the way, Jon is...understandably shaken after everything he's learned. He's discovered an incredibly fucked up story about evil books, is probably shaking at the prospect of The NotThem still being alive, has learned that everything in his life is at the whim of a pantheon of eldritch horrors, that his boss is a murderer, and that he belongs to a horrific eye that seeks to watch him run about his miserable life until he dies. And to make matters worse, he logically doesn't have time to freak out because...you know? Evil boss? The files? But...he chooses to ignore that fact. He's so desperate to just...get a few minutes of peace, that he decides to start smoking again after being quit for five years. And not only is that a bad idea in general (like, does he not remember Anglerfish?), but...going out there for a quick break, leaving behind his...self-defense mechanism...ends up being his second greatest mistake behind the table thing. Yeah...it's time for THAT scene. But first...

Ok, yes, I'm well aware this probably feels like I'm stalling, I know people probably want to hear my thoughts on the uh...sound of leaky tap water that plays near the end, but I just...I NEED to talk about Elias. I was thinking of doing my deep look at him AFTER the scene, but...I'd be talking about him all day if that were the case, and honestly...I think this has better flow. Basically, I'm going to look back at everything we've seen of him up until this point, which truth be told isn't a lot, and then see how those scenes are recontextualized...not really by his actions in this episode, but just by the simple knowledge of him being Gertrude's killer...and also inherently fucked up and evil. At least...I think he's fucked up and evil? Just...uh...look, his alignment depends on just...which of ✨the horrors✨ we're supposed to cheer for and which ones we aren't, along with just...a lot of other stuff that I don't have the time or energy to discuss. Just know that, as of now...I think Elias is kind of a psychopath, I do not trust him one bit and I find him very dangerous and scary...but it's just impossible for me to tell whether or not he's going to be an antagonist or not by the end. At the very least, I...don't think he'll be the friendliest force in Season 3. Ok? Ok. ....Right. So...Elias. He's always been one of, if not THE most perplexing character in the entire series to me. He's just so...oddly absent, really sketchy and...honestly came off as kind of boring to me in a way that no other character in tma has before. I know I've said that I wish the archival assistants showed up even more, but despite that, Martin, Sasha, Not!Sasha and Tim have always sort of just...felt nearby, whether that be due to actual appearances, little mentions of them from Jon or...just the general energy of the archives. Elias on the other hand, has always just...felt so distant to me. I mean, yeah, he works in a different department, but for a guy who runs the entire institute...I mean, in retrospect, he comes off as a lot more in charge of things than I initially assumed, but he just...didn't FEEL like a big piece of the puzzle in the same way everyone else has, and whenever we did see him...he always just had the most boring middle-manager vibe concievable. And yet...there's just SO many things that are off about him. His backstory, which seems oddly out of character for the person we know today, to the point where I have to assume that he's hiding SOMETHING about it. His odd reluctance to talk about Gertrude's death. His desire to just...ignore everything parnormal as much as possible, and then other weird things like him recognizing The NotThem (which makes a lot of sense now given the whole...Eye vs. Stranger thing). So...depite his relative plainess, there was always clearly something else going on. The thing is though....I never thought of him as truly, plainly evil. I've thought for a very long time that he was capable of doing bad things, that he HAS done bad things, that he doesn't have the best moral compass, and that he was likely to be Gertrude's killer. ...But I always had enough faith in him to assume that he had...at least some good reasoning. I mean, it's not like Gertrude hasn't done her own fair share of...questionable things, even if for good reasons, so...maybe Elias killed her for the greater good. Maybe the reason he tries to ignore the glaring oddities within the institute is because he wants to keep others safe. Maybe...he wasn't that bad. But while that still isn't technically impossible, while he....COULD still pull through...I doubt that he will. Because after seeing how he acts in...the big scene, the way he talks...I do not think Elias is likely to be all that good of a person.

Probably not a creature of pure evil like The NotThem...but certainly someone worth fearing, someone who is just...overall unhinged and terrifying, someone who is willing to do some extremely messed up things for...likely not great reasons. Just...yeah, he gives off some very bad vibes. And I think that's what makes him work as a twist villain of sorts. I don't think you're supposed to be shocked by him being a corrupt and dangerous character, nor are you supposed to be shocked by him being the murderer...but you are supposed to be shocked by just how...incredibly brutal he ends up being. And at least for now, I feel like he's avoided the classic twist villain trap of just...doing a complete 180º turn in personality. I mean, sure, what we see of him in this episode is...VERY different from what we're used to, but depending on how he acts in Season 3...I feel like they have the ability to make it believable that this is still the same guy, and we're just now witnessing a different side of him. I...really hope they write him like that at least, because I wouldn't really like it if he just...started acting crazy 24/7 and never showed his more calm and reasonable aspects ever again. Anyways, I have no idea what his motivations are, what the deeper aspects of his past might be, or just...where he's going to even stand in the story going forward beyond being a very unnerving presence, especially with all of the OTHER shit that seems to be encroaching into the main plot...but even if I can't decipher his entire character at the moment...what is my general opinion of him now? Well...I think he's most likely going to be a dangerous and antagonistic force throughout Season 3, but his role in Seasons 4 and 5 are still very up in the air. I think...something extra happened in between him joining the institute in 1991, and becoming head in 1996, and that it'll explain why he's so different from what you'd assume of him based on what little we know about his past. He is most definitely a servant of The Eye, and even if it turns out he was brought into its embrace unwillingly, he is most definitely serving it out of his own will nowadays, at the very least more than Jon and the rest of the institute, and also seems concerned with making sure it comes out on top in the struggle between ✨the horrors✨. Although...given how The NotThem says the archivist is "The Eye's pupil", I do actually wonder if maybe Jon is more important to it than Elias, but...that might be a bit of a leap. I definitely think that Leitner is correct in his hypothesis of Elias killing Gertrude due to her attempt at destroying the archives, in fact, based on what happens later, I think it's safe to assume that he is willing to murder anyone who even remotely gets in the way of...whatever the hell he wants. Uh...he's probably deeply entwined with institute history in one way or another...I think he's likely to be the guy who sold out The Divine Host's location to the cops in Police Lights...he probably has a plethora of other supernatural abilities that we just don't know about, and, uh...overall...I've gone from finding him perplexing and kind of sketchy to being...absolutely mortified by what he's capable of, and by whatever else he might do in the future. Also I think it would be funny if it turned out that all of his fucked up actions were committed when he was zooted out of his mind, and he's actually completely normal outside of that. Remember kid, the true eye monster is marijuana. That's...basically it. Sorry if this part was a bit incoherent, truth be told my mind is still kind of all over the place when it comes to this guy...but it's good for me to get down what thoughts I can. Oh, and uh...on the note of what he's capable of...how about that big scene?

....Ok. Stay calm. Take a deep breath. You can do this. *inhales*....BEATING YOU WITH A METAL PIPE ASMR!!!!!! I just. I. I can't believe that after all these...uh...months...I've finally gotten here. Ok, let me just start off by getting something important out of the way. I...understand why this is such a meme. I mean, like, how could it not be, you know? This is...one of, if not THE most powerful scene in all of tma so far. It's full of drama, information, amazing voice acting, amazing pacing, and triggers the biggest change in the story's status quo so far. Like...it's absolutely unforgettable, I'm still partial to the table scene personally, but...this is a CLOSE second. (Also the parallels between that scene and this one will haunt me and my family for generations.) But with all of that being said...christ you feral zombie children are evil. You listen to a sad old man get beaten by a pipe and decide that "yes, THIS is what we'll be making jokes about for the next seven years"? ...How wretched of you. Ok, in all seriousness...I have some stuff to say. So, going back to where I left off, Jon ignores the message of the first episode (in all seriousness I really hope him going for a smoke is intentionally referencing Anglerfish), and decides to leave the room, while absolutely definitely making sure he doesn't leave anything important behind. As he does...Leitner talks into the tape, seemingly as if Gertrude were there, suggesting that...despite their similarities, despite their shared paranoia, she probably wouldn't have liked Jon due to his lack of an ability to stomach what everyone's up against. I really do like how Jon and Gertrude both parallel and foil each other, this season has done a great job at showing they're more similar than we initially thought, but they have enough differences to prevent it from feeling like they're TOO similar. And also...I'm only saying this just in case but...what if Leitner talking to Gertrude here implies she's in the tapes? Do I believe that? No. But....in the 0.0000001% chance such a theory is right, let it be known that I DID throw it out there, OK?! Well, while that's kind of a sweet and sad moment, it doesn't last long because- OH HI ELIAS. So...yeah, unfortunately he isn't blind to what's been going on, and also isn't happy about it either. Now...the following conversation is...vague. Like, REALLY vague. There's clearly a lot of important stuff being talked about here, but telling what that important stuff even is...it's difficult, to put it lightly. But...I'll try my best.

So, Elias barges in, immediately threatening to kill Leitner if he dares to touch one of his books which is...pleasant. He explains that he's known someone's been down in the tunnels for a long time...and I mean, if he serves the thing that's always watching then I guess he probably knows...a LOT of things overall (like just...AAAAAHHH IT'S SUCH A COOL AESTHETIC FOR A PLACE OF ACADEMIA), but that he never knew it was Leitner, nor that he had gotten out and come into the archives. I assume this is due to the power of A Disappearance, as Leitner implied earlier on, and...that also kind of adds to the idea of it being associated with The Stranger, given, once again, its supposed opposition to The Eye. Unfortunately though, Jon's clumsiness outweighed Leitner's discreetness, and Elias was able to find him in a way he couldn't when Gertrude was around. Mentioning her, he also asks if Leitner told Jon about her. I'm assuming this is meant to refer to...you know, her murder, which means Leitner's probably lying when he says no, but...it could techincally refer to anything else regarding her that the two of them both know about, so...eh. Anyways, he then demands Leitner to tell him what he's after, to which he answers with the files in his office. Now, Elias asks if Leitner's planning to commit arson, so...I guess the files tell you how to burn down the institute and/or the archives? Maybe? But like...that kind of brings up the question of...why would you need these top secret files to know how to do that? Why couldn't you just grab a lighter? Hm...well, keeping that in mind, Leitner tries to explain that he's not only after the files due to what they contain on the institute, but also...the supposed member of ✨the horrors✨ known as The Stranger, and...the something relating to them called The Unknowing. So...this is one of the most interesting things mentioned here. As I'm sure you remember, it was mentioned by The NotThem last episode, and I believed that due to its name and its clear relation to The Stranger, it was some sort of attack on the institute, either entirely committed by servants of The Stranger, or at least primarily led by them. And...I'm inclined to believe that the latter interpretation is true. Firstly, Leitner says that Elias of all people should want to stop it. And I mean...if it's an attack on the institute, that comment checks out. And you know how I alluded to Leitner's library parallelling the institute in a lot of weird ways. Well...the attack on his library was, in my opinion, likely led by servants of The Stranger, since the people who started visiting before the attack, the ones who were really weird and forgot to blink...match up pretty well with beings like The NotThem and The Anglerfish's people. So...maybe the attack is supposed to act as foreshadowing for The Unknowing! At the very least though, even if this interpretation is wrong, I think it's safe to say that The Unknowing is something heavily linked to The Stranger, and...something worth dreading. I mean, given its rivalry with The Eye, I think Elias has enough motivation to get rid of anything relating to The Stranger, and I mean...if Gertrude was keeping her intel on it with the same files she needed to...somehow destroy the archives, then there's a decent enough chance she'd want to stop it. But...that raises the question of why she'd want to stop something that would theoretically do exactly what she wants...but then again, it kind of feels like all of the ✨the horrors✨ are just a bunch of different brands of evil fighting against each other, so...maybe The Unknowing results in something bad in its own right? I...I don't really know, but given how it's being built up, I feel like more intel on it is due sooner rather than later, so...I'll just wait and see.

Anyways, while Leitner seems pretty scared by the prospect of...whatever The Unknowing is, Elias is the stark opposite, entirely confident that he can put a stop to it, even willing to lightly poke fun at the servants of The Stranger having a supposed lack of creativity. And then...Leitner asks what Jon's going to think when he arrives back in the archives...and in retrospect, I think...he knew what was about to happen. Elias responds by saying that Jon "was always going to have to fly the nest at somepoint", clearl insinuating that he wants Jon to leave the archives, which is...strange, Leitner seems worried that he'll die in the process, which...I guess makes sense, Micheal did imply that Jon is protected from ✨the horrors✨, but only in the institute, and then...it happens. It. Happens. My ears are serenaded by the one, the only....[EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]. I'm in...well, I'm in a lot of states. Shock, confusion, excitement, satisfaction, fear, sorrow...all of it. Elias Bouchard...just brutally murdered a man to death with a metal pipe, not a whiff of hesitation or remorse emanating from him. And Jurgen Leitner...is dead. The man who led to so many terrible happenings by pure accident and folly...is dead. The man who still had so many answers to all of Jon, mine, and everyone's burning questions...is dead. The man who for all we know, could've destroyed or saved the world had he lived longer...is dead. And whoever wrote that infamous rant about him...is THRIVING. There's...really not much I have to say about this scene that I'm not certain hasn't been said before. It's just...it's as shocking and iconic as it is cold and cruel. In a world of eldritch gods and supernatural abilities...an old man getting murdered by an average lethal weapon is arguably the most insane thing that's happened so far. While I doubt that we're entirely done with Leitner as a concept, as there are most definitely many of his books still out there, along with the people who have been changed by them and a number of other mysteries that will likely tie back to him...the fact that the man himself is dead, that he's been brutally murdered without ever getting the recognition he desired, his mark on the world forever a stain...that changes so much. How it changes things is a mystery for the time being...but I just know. I know it does. This...um...this certainly wasn't how I expected the season to end. ...Rest in peace Jurgen Leitner, for all of the abysmal mistakes, for all of the lives ruined by your actions...at heart, you did not deserve this. Elias...even if you aren't the big bad, even if you get redeemed by some slim margin...fuck you, you little freak. I say that affectionately though because HOLY SHIT he has become so much more interesting to me now, and like...I can't view him as anything but iconic after this scene. But uh...yeah, that's basically it. Just...I'm...huh.

Elias leaves the room, and we're left in the cold dead air of the archives for nearly a minute, the only sound accompanying us being the deathly drip of Leitner's blood, from his head and onto the floor. That's...just really fucking cold of them, yikes. Thankfully though, we aren't left with them for too long, because Jon comes back into the archives and-..hey wait that's not much better! The whole bit here...man. Jonny does such an absolute killer job here, coming into the room ready to make idle chitchat about him quitting smoking, only for the cold realization of what's in front of him to set in...and the stammers, the nervous laugh, the inability to finish his sentence...my god it's brilliant. And this is where Elias and Leitner's exchange finally starts to make sense...because yeah, if a man is found dead in the office of the guy who's been exhibiting incerasingly disturbing behavior for the past 7 months...it's not hard to see what the logical conclusion is. ...Elias framed Jon, seemingly so that he'd be forced to run away into the wider world in order to avoid being arrested. ...WHY?! WHAT IS THE POINT IN ALL THIS?! Is he just framing Jon because it's easier than covering up the body? Is he trying to push Jon out of the institute so that he gets murdered by ✨the horrors✨, and then...I don't know, HE gets to be "The Eye's pupil" or whatever? Or is it for some other reason that I can't properly comprehend at the moment? I just...AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!! At the very least...I definitely feel like Jon's fallen into Elias' trap in one way or another, and...whether he immediately gets arrested or spends Season 3 on the run from the authorities...it is clear that he is in danger...and that he's probably not in the institute anymore. He just...he needs to run. Whether he can physically stay away from it for that long is a whole other question but uh...yeah. I...don't really know what this means for the future. Maybe we'll only follow Jon next season, maybe we'll hang out with Martin and Tim at the institute, I'm...personally guessing there'll be a mix of both, but...there's definitely going to be some changes...and that is equal parts exciting and mortifying. I just. Wow. The Magnus Archives is a fucking podcast.

Well...one more part. ...I am so tired right now you have no idea. The final recording comes from....OH MY GOD THANK THE STARS THEY'RE OK!!! Honestly I...kind of forgot about them as I was writing for this episode, but neither Martin or Tim got eaten by The Distortion, which is good because...man was I worried, especially for the latter of the two. No Micheal though...sad but understandable, I hope they just let him hang around the archives like a normal employee more next season. They mention that "the tape works now" which actually made me come to the realization that this entire time...the static has been coming from the tapes. Outside of...maybe the phone call with Basira (who, by the way, I'm honestly a little surprised didn't have anything to do in the finale, but...maybe her and/or other members of Section 31 will come back in Season 3, especially in regards to the uh..."plumbing issue" in the archives), the static doesn't actually seem to permeate in the air, it's only audible when listening to the tapes...so that's interesting, it certainly makes the tapes themselves a lot weirder than they already were. They also mention...an encounter with a woman? It's very vague but...they had an encounter with someone in trouble, and weren't able to help her. For now it's a pretty wide open mystery that I'm sure'll get expanded on in Season 3, but...it's interesting. Anyways, Martin is still trying to maintain as much optimism as he can in their dire situations, but Tim...not so much. He's accepted the cold and harsh reality that...this life, this constant chase of worms and corridors...it's theirs now, and they have to keep on going until they die. ...Yikes man. It's...a shame to see a guy who was once such a ray of sunshine in the archives turn so cold, but...I guess it's realistic. ...Reality hurts though. Regardless, Martin goes into the archives to check if Jon's alive and well...and is instead greeted by something that is neither Jon, nor alive, nor well. So...not only is Elias framing him in the first place pretty bad...but now we have Martin and Tim fully convinced that he did it too. Even though they're entirely out of the loop, they don't know who that disfigured old corpse is, they don't know anything about the library or ✨the horrors✨, they STILL don't know about what happened to Sasha...their faith in Jon has sunk so low that they have no choice to believe he's now a murderer. And while Tim being unsurprised is already hurtful...the season ending on Martin, the one person who has been desperately trying to keep his faith in Jon sustained all season, asking..."what have you done?" in a shaky and sad voice....AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! And...that's it. We end there, the credits give Basira the wrong surname for some reason...and we're done. ...paypal.com/ifuckingfeelreallybadforjurgenleitner.

So...that's a wrap on The Librarian...and Season 2 of The Magnus Archives as we know it. Overall...I mean where to begin? This season...has been absolutely phenomenal from start to finish, this whole last quarter of episodes especially. I already adored Season 1 with all my heart, and still do, but this...like, I was expecting an increase in quality, but...I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS MUCH. The statements at large were even more creative, memorable and high quality than those of Season 1, the greater interconnected narrative was even more engaging, the cast of character was even more lovable and endearing, there were so many more great dramatic moments, the supplementals added so so much value to every episode, the ways they experimented with the formula in episodes like the Gertrude tapes was great, the general editing and sound quality was even more impressive, the way that everything has started to connect and make more sense has been nothing short of extremely satisfying, and...Michael. Just...what a masterpiece. And as for this finale specifically...holy shit. A really engaging and gripping main story with the tale of Leitner's library, so many interesting plot reveals in regards to the tunnels, Gertrude, Elias, The Distortion, and ESPECIALLY ✨the horrors✨ at large...and an ending so shocking and earth-shattering that I still don't feel like I'm capable of properly describing it. I am...even more excited for Season 3 than I was before, which I didn't even know was possible. I felt like I had a good enough idea as to where Season 2 might lead after I finished Season 1...but here? It could go in...so many different directions, but I have no doubt that they'll manage to pull it off. Just...what a triumph. I...was going to write a whole list of questions I want to see answered here like I did at the end of Season 1...but we'd be here all day if I did that. And of course, thank you so, so, so so so so so so so so so much for reading this. I say it every time, but it means so much more to me than you could possibly imagine, and...given how each post just seems to get longer and longer (I REALLY HOPE THAT THE NEXT ONE ENDS UP A BIT SHORTER THOUGH), that appreciation gets bigger and bigger each time someone reads through one of these. But...if it's alright, I might just have you wait a little bit longer for that word count I promised. Because...you know how I promised a teensy little bonus at the end of my previous post? Well...while I'm kind of regretting making that promise due to how long this ended up being...I refuse to go back on my word. So...if you may...

Supplemental: Ok, just a couple of quick things I need to get out. Firstly, while I'm not going to make an entirely new list of ✨the horrors✨ , since...truth be told this episode didn't change much in terms of how I categorize them, I did want to just list off the ones that have...somewhat official names, like...the ones that without a shadow of a doubt, DEFINITELY exist. So, we have The Eye and The Spiral fully confirmed, and then all signs point to The Stranger, The End and The Lightless Flame being ones as well, and then...most likely The Vast and The Flesh Hive too. I have some...less official names myself for other, more speculative members of the pantheon, but these seven...I feel almost 100% confident in. As for my second thing, I just wanted to say that while I was doing some spelling and grammar check (I am well aware I have left some incorrect spellings of Michael in there, but I refuse to edit all 10 trillion mentions of his name for obvious reasons), I listened to both parts of the Season 2 Q&A! Once again, it was very fun, Jonny and Alex continue to have a lot of charm in casual conversation. I really loved hearing about how they cast VAs, how they do their research when making episodes about certain jobs or places or bits of history and culture, what it was like working with Jonny's parents, what some of their favorite episodes and parts of the series have been (Alex loves Michael HELL YEAH), some little tidbits on what to expect from Season 3 were very nice too, and of course...the prospect of a 2-hour Christmas special. I'd better be seeing Tim with a reindeer headband come December. I was a little disappointed to learn that Michael would never love me...but...whatever. Anyways, that's all, onto my...weird 1 AM brain rot idea.

- BONUS, I...don't know what to call this 🤷

OK. So...hear me out for a second. I was just awake in the middle of the night thinking about..stuff, I guess, when a thought came to me. Every season of tma has the same number of episodes, right? So...what if, at the end of Season 2, I pitted the episodes from each season against each other, and tallied up an overall score? Why? Uh...I don't know, I guess I just...thought it'd be cool? Keep in mind that this isn't like...genuine critique of all 80 episodes meant to be taken seriously, I generally find that comparison on its own is a bad way to do unbiased critique, at least for me, and like to judge something on what it is individually, for the most part at least. This is just a fun little excuse to do a series of quickfire retrospectives on all of the episodes so far, and sort of just...reminisce, since it's been a while since I listened to a lot of these. Plus,....I don't know, I just like ranking and organizing things, it makes me feel at peace for some reason? And who knows? Maybe I'll do this again if people are up for it, whether that be at the end of every season, once I get to MAG 160 and pit the Season 3 and Season 4 episodes against each other, or at the end of the entire story, where I pit the first half against the latter half. And of course, all of this is just my opinion, so if you think A Sturdy Lock clears Burning Desire by a landslide, that's totally cool! Anyways, uh...on to the competition!

Anglerfish 🚬 Vs. Too Deep ⬇️

Both of these are great starts to their respective seasons that set the tone especially well...but even though Too Deep has deeper lore and great insight into Jon's psyche...I'm sorry, Anglerfish is just way too iconic. It's creepy, but doesn't peak in creepiness too early in the series. The Anglerfish luring its victims away is fantastic symbolism for what both Jon and the listener are about to go through, and the way it's returned throughout the story so far has been excellently executed, and I like how its mysteries are being carried across multiple seasons, as opposed to Too Deep which is...mostly related to stuff that gets resolved later in Season 2. Still, both are great! (That goes for every comparison by the way, I love all of these episodes.)

2. Do Not Open ⚰️ Vs. Grifter's Bone 🎹

Ooooooooh...this one is tricky for me. I...could honestly give these two a tie if I wanted, but...I think I'll give the slight edge to Do Not Open, simply because it's the first episode in the entire series that REALLY hooked me. Still though...they're pretty tied when you take away the nostalgia aspect.

3. Across the Street 📓 Vs. Section 31 🚔

As much as I do truly love Basira and everything surrounding her, and as grateful as I am to this episode for introducing her...eh, it's not a big standout for me. I like a good few of the episodes that are multiple stories in one, but...while it's cool how these ones connect to others, I'm not...huge on them as individual tales. As for MAG 3, while I wasn't wowed by it at first...man, everything surrounding The NotThem in Season 2 has REALLY pushed it into higher esteem for me, now that I know what exactly its purpose was. Like...It's REALLY good.

4. Pagerturner 📕 Vs. Tightrope 🎪

I've said it before, but...I'm not huge on Pageturner. As a part of the overarching plot, it works perfectly fine, great even...I just think it's a bit too complicated and confusing for the fourth episode. I'm glad that Leitners get involved early on, but....eh, it's just a bit too much information to start off with for me, and since most people probably won't be that big into theorizing right out the gate...I don't think it works as well as the later lore-heavy episodes with a ton of connections, because by that point, the listener is more likely to be in really deep. Even though I understand what was going on in the episode a lot better nowadays...I'm still not big on it, but maybe that'll change on relisten. As for Tightrope...it's not the most incredible episode ever or anything, but it's good! It's creepy, and I like the involvement of The Other Circus and the great introduction to Gertrude!

5. Thrown Away 🗑 Vs. Blood Bag 💉

Honestly these two are...also pretty close in terms of how much I like them, but...I might have to give the edge to Thrown Away? I mean...they're very interchangeable, but this one just sticks out in my head a little bit more than Blood Bag. I...don't really know why, I mean, a lot of the early episodes do stick out in my head more because of their iconic status, but uh...yeah, this one wins because my brain is weird.

6. Squirm 🪱 Vs. Literary Heights ⛈

Ooooooooh...I really hate to do it to Squirm, but...I think Literary Heights wins. Squirm is excellent, it's such a weird and disgusting story, it stands out as the only episode of tma with like...any notable sexual content, and it obviously introduces us to my beloved Jane. But...Literar Heights just hits different. Jon's voice in this one, the first proper appearance of Mike, the way that it brings back Ex Altiora and recontextualizes a lot of stuff...yeah, what can I say, I just really love this one.

7. The Piper 🔫 Vs. The New Door 🚪

I mean...The Piper's really good and all, it has a very unique and creepy atmosphere and a very cool incorporation of real world history, but...The New Door has Michael, so...pretty easy one for me.

8. Burned Out 🌳 Vs. Lost in the Crowd 🧳

Ugh...another one that really hurts! I...have a lot of respect for Lost in the Crowd, simply because that scene in the crowd itself is...absolutely haunting to me, and we get to see Gerard just chilling on vacation and it's absolutely hilarious. But...to be honest, I am just way too invested in Hill Top Road to not give this one to Burned Out, plus, I think it's really cool how the events of this one have come back throughout the story, whereas Lost in the Crowd is a lot more standalone. Not inherently a bad thing whatsoever, but I do prefer it when episodes have bigger connections.

9. A Father's Love💡 Vs. The Butcher's Window 💪

The Butcher's Window is overall fantastic, it has a loveably shitty protagonist, a great use of body horror, and it's really cool to see The Boneturner return...but it doesn't hold a candle to A Father's Love for me. This is still one of the most depressing and tragic episodes in the entire podcast for me, just a really sad look at childhood trauma and the effects of cults, and just...god, it's so beautifully painful. Also, on a less serious note, I'm infatuated with The Divine Host, so...yeah.

10. Vampire Killer 🧛🏻 Vs. Foundations 🏛

Yeah...Vampire Killer wins here. Foundations is pretty good all things considered, I like the old-timey vibe, and the insight it gives into Jonah Magnus and Robert Smirke is pretty cool...but I don't know, Vampire Killer is an example of the...multiple stories statements being done really well, and Trevor Herbert remains as one of my favorite statement givers to this day.

11. Dreamer 💭 Vs. High Pressure 🤿

High Pressure is pretty cool and all, I think it experiments with its concept in great ways, is decently scary and has a fun inclusion from Simon Fairchild. But man...Dreamer just hits different to this day. I think it was the first episode that made me realize...just how seriously I should be taking the podcast, its framing device is unlike no other, and the suspicion it causes is really cool, especially in regards to Gertrude's death and the identity of "Antonio Blake."

12. First Aid 🏥 Vs. Exceptional Risk 🚰

Look...part of me probably SHOULD give the point to First Aid. It's the first episode that brings back a recurring character in a noticeable and prominent role, and one of the first big clues towards understanding ✨the horrors✨. But...I can't help it, I'm just way too invested in that Montauk family drama. Plus, I'm a sucker for the Season 2 episodes that feel like direct sequels to Season 1 episodes...most of the time anyways, so that also gives it a bit of an edge.

13. Alone 🌫 Vs. Crusader 📜

Uuuuuuuuggghhhhh...I hate to do it to Alone. Look...MAG 13 is still an episode I absolutely love, it stands out for including the first voice that isn't Jon, it has some really cool and creepy imagery, and Naomi's story is very sad. But like...Crusader just has...SO much going for it. Walter Heller is brilliantly performed for a one-off character, the whole story is very intriguing lore-wise, and the way it sets up so many details regarding Gertrude and the institute...like, this one wins for me by simply being THAT important.

14. Piecemeal👆Vs. Still Life 🐅

Piecemeal is...really good and really freaky, the whole concept is absolutely brutal and I love how it works as a lesson in patience. That being said...I just really love Still Life. It sets up so much regarding The Stranger, (like, I was STUNNED by how much it brought together when I first listened to it), has an amazing atmosphere with the taxidermy shop, reveals some REALLY cool information regarding The Anglerfish, and also has an unknowingly autistic protagonist who simply leaves because "well, they weren't committing tax fraud!" So yeah, peak fiction.

15. Lost Johns' Cave 🕯 Vs. Pest Control 🐜

Ok...this one's probably going to be controversial. Is Lost Johns' Cave good? Yeah of course! I was absolutely shook to my core when I first heard it...but nowadays not so much. I don't know, I think it's probably because there are many other statements that have gotten to me more, but honestly...I don't really get why people find it THAT scary. It's up there sure, but...eh, maybe if I had a sibling, went caving or was more claustrophobic, I'd have a different opinion. As for why I prefer Pest Control...yeah it's because of Jane. She's not even really in this episode, but...I just find The Flesh Hive really interesting, and the way the episode uses Arthur Nolan is also a major benefit to me. I can absolutely see why Lost Johns' Cave is a fan favorite...but I just vibe with the bugs a bit too much.

16. Arachnophobia 🕷 Vs. Children of the Night 🛏

Huh...both spider episodes. Anyways, I don't have too much to say that I haven't already. I like Children of the Night just fine, but I do have some minor gripes with it that kind of hold me back from truly loving it. I think those gripes will fade over time, but even then...it's hard to compete with the GHOST SPIDER episode. Like. It's just absolutely iconic. I will never get over Jon still proclaiming the statement bullshit after hearing Mr. Vittery was wrapped in web upon death. WHY WAS HE LIKE THIS?!

17. The Boneturner's Tale 🦴 Vs. Personal Space 🔒

The Boneturner's Tale is great and all, I really remember it for being another early example of things getting connected, and for being Elias' introduction...dear god Elias, but...it unfortunately can't compare to what is still the single most terrifying episode so far to me. If it can fuck me up THAT bad...I think Personal Space deserves the win.

18. The Man Upstairs 🥩 Vs. Trail Rations🍴

It's still kind of funny to me that these episodes just...happen to be connected. Anyways, as you know I'm not...super huge on either of these episodes, but Trail Rations does get an edge for having a very unique framing device, a more compelling villain, more interesting paranormal stuff, and some more intrigue surrounding Jonah Magnus. ...Not much more to add.

19. Confession ✝️ Vs. Recluse 🍏

Yet another pair of episodes that are oddly connected! Both of them are fantastic...but I do think I'll give the edge to Recluse. Confession has some really haunting religious imagery, although it's done better in its second part, and I do adore how it ties back to the events of Burned Out...but I mean, Recluse is just SUPER good. The way it flips around the initial impression of Raymond and Agnes, all of the super cool plot reveals it gives, the generally very novel concept, the LORE...yeah, I definitely prefer it. It also helps that it's...like, a complete statement, although I don't want to judge the Father Burroughs duology too hard simply for its unique structure.

20. Desecrated Host ✝️ Vs. The Observer Effect 🪞

And on the flipside...Desecrated Host wins here! The Observer Effect is still great, the raw fear emanated by the protagonist, the insight it gives into the institute and The Eye, and my own personal connections to it give it a special place in my heart. But...Desecrated Host is just THAT haunting. It's another one of the earliest examples of those "what the fuck" episodes, and still stands tall as one of the best in that regard. The religious imagery, the ending, the raw insanity that ensues from...what is in retrospect, probably all of ✨the horrors✨ mingling together for...some weird reason...it's just amazing.

21. Freefall 🪂 Vs. Hard Shoulder 🚐

Ok....I hate to do it to the episode that gave us "enjoy sky blue" and "the sky ate him"...but I do actually prefer Hard Shoulder. There really isn't anything...wrong with Freefall, I think it's a scary and emotional story and the episode as a whole has a really shocking ending...I just prefer Hard Shoulder. Daisy is a really interesting character in this one, and I mean...come on, finally getting the coffin back after all that time is WAY too satisfying.

22. Colony 🔦 Vs. First Edition 📃

First Edition is absolutely brilliant. Mary is an absolutely terrifying character, her backstory is grim and enticing, and the amount of lore it brings...I mean, wow. But...I don't know, Colony introduces us to Martin, brings Jane back, and is the episode that finally, truly gives tma an ongoing story. It...very clearly deserves the win here in my opinion.

23. Schwartzwald 🇩🇪 Vs. The End of the Tunnel 📹

Another example of two episodes I'm not all that huge on...but End of the Tunnel is the clear winner for me here. In retrospect...I'm not all that big on Schwartzwald to be honest. I still think it has a cool setting and a fun classic horror vibe, but otherwise...meh, it's pretty much the only episode of tma that drags for me, and the novelty of a letter to Jonah kind of wore off after Foundations. The End of the Tunnel...it's nothing crazy, but it's effective, pretty scary, has a canonically queer protagonist, maybe some Divine Host involvement, and Melanie shows up at the end. ...That's pretty good overall.

24. Strange Music🪆Vs. Burial Rites 💀

This one's pretty easy for me. Burial Rites certainly has a lot of merits, from the shitty protagonist to the return of the reapers...but I just prefer Strange Music. I don't know, it's not...that much of a difference in terms of how much I like them from the lense of logic...the former just sticks out to me more for whatever reason. What can I say, I think the calliope and the dolls are pretty cool, and I like the way it comes back around in Tightrope a lot.

25. Growing Dark ⛪️ Vs. Binary 💻

Look...Growing Dark is a fantastic episode. It does an even deeper dive into the effects of cults than what A Father's Love did, has a great and compelling cast of characters, and is just really intriguing and compelling all around. But...I'm eating my computer crunch crunch crunch keyboard keys for breakfast dinner and lunch you see the red drip from my lips I call this snack computer chips woa-oah and I'm chewing up bits of the screen but it's glass so it's cutting into my throat as I swallow the mass of crystal and the blood continues to fall I won't leave until you watch it all-

26. A Distortion ☕️ Vs. Held in Customs 📦

Yeah, the box is cool and freaky and all, and I like the Salesa-Lukas business collab...but expecting me to rank it above a statement from Sasha which details her encounter with both Michael and the worms would be the stupidest thing you could do right now.

27. A Sturdy Lock 🔑 Vs. Burning Desire ❤️‍🔥

...This is quite literally one of my least favorite episodes up against what might just be my absolute favorite. Ok, look, I can appreciate A Sturdy Lock for what it is, I think it's pretty scary and has good themes. In fact...the more I think about said themes, alongside the prominent presence of a door...it might even have some Micheal involvement for all I know, which would definitely boost my opinion of it very high up. But even then...I don't think it could compete with something as beautiful, tragic, and heart/face-warming as Burning Desire.

28. Skintight 📸 Vs. The Tale of a Field Hospital 🪰

Agh...I HATE TO PIT THESE TWO AGAINST EACH OTHER AS WELL!!! I really do like The Tale of a Field Hospital, I think it's one of the most unique episodes in the entire series when it comes to the premise and framing device, and just has...such a lovable loser of a protagonist. But...I think Skintight still wins for me. Melanie is just a really great character, the whole idea behind it is super charming, and the way I freaked out when The Anglerfish came back...I'll never forget that.

29. Cheating Death 🎲 Vs. Thought for the Day 🧠

Oooooooooh...this is a very interesting one. I've had...very interesting experiences with both of these episodes to say the least, but...I think I'll give the point to Thought for the Day. Cheating Death is phenomenal, it has such a cool location, and I will never forget the way it absolutely blindsided me by the time it was over. But...Thought for the Day gets the slight edge, not only because I'm REALLY fond of the whole psych experiment idea and the spiders...but also because if it weren't for this episode, I would have never gotten to experience the joy and pain of my simulation theory rabbit hole, and unlike Cheating Death, that experience is still greatly affecting me to this day. So...win for the funny number.

30. Killing Floor 🍖 Vs. Book of the Dead 🧵

Ok, so...I think Killing Floor is a pretty clear favorite here for me. Book of the Dead is...pretty good all things considered, it has a decently freaky premise and I really like the open-endedness it brings, I just don't like it as much as Killing Floor. But like...while I'm not surprised to see it win, I am surprised that in retrospect, I like Killing Floor as much as I do. Like...I don't know, something about the idea of a creepy never-ending abattoir that you can't exit until you accept that humans and animals are all just meat in the end...that's just really cool and interesting to me for some reason, and I really like how it's implied that freaky stuff is STILL happening there at the end. So uh...yeah.

31. First Hunt 🦌 Vs. Underground 🚉

First Hunt is a pretty damn good episode all things considered. I mean, anything that perfectly represents the horrors of the Appalachian trail and has a somewhat homo-romantic story about two tragic hunters is pretty cool in my book. But like…I think it’s pretty hard to reach the level of iconic possessed by Karolina Górka, so….yeah, there’s a clear winner here for me.

32. Hive 🐝 Vs. Takeaway 🥓

Yeah…this one’s obvious if you know me. Takeaway’s good and all, I like the creepy abandoned restaurant as a setting, all of the religious dismemberment is pretty cool, Tom Haan is a scary antagonist…but it doesn’t even come close to the raw, poetic horror of Jane’s psyche that we get in Hive.

33. Boatswain’s Call ⛴️ Vs. Police Lights ⚫️

Yeah, I mean…I guess I like Boatswain’s Call a good amount, The Tundra is a nice setting and I’m very intrigued by The Lukas Family…but I mean, come on. A story about Section 31 going against The Divine Host, ending a big bang for…at least parts of their respective story arcs? That’s pretty hard to beat.

34. Anatomy Class 🍎 Vs. Fatigue 💤

Hm…this one is interesting. Both of these episodes are among some of the most unique and memorable fan favorites I’ve listened to, and both for very good reason, they’re amazing. But…I’m going to give the edge to Anatomy Class. Fatigue has…so, SO many amazing elements that I absolutely love, from poetic and haunting dialogue to the mere presence of Michael…but, most of its great elements can still be found in at least one other episode. Anatomy Class on the other hand? I mean…that’s just one of a kind. I have yet to have anything like it since listening to it, so…yeah, I think it just barely wins for me.

35. Old Passages 🔨 Vs. A Long Way Down🪜

Ok, look…A Long Way Down is great. Ladders, Paris, Mike, toxic sibling relationships, all great elements that are used to great effect. But let me remind you that if not for Old Passages…a lot of my theories would’ve never come to pass. Not the majority…but a lot. So…yeah, it wins. Also it has teenage MCR fan Gerard so that’s a plus.

36. Taken Ill ✋ Vs. The Smell of Blood 🚃

I’m…honestly kind of surprised to say it, but…I think Taken Ill wins here. Like…it shouldn’t, but for some reason…it does. The Smell of Blood is phenomenal, it’s such a creepy episode and a great continuation of Melanie’s character, but like…I don’t know. Taken Ill just…really stands out to me. The way it slowly builds up to its climax, the general concept of an elderly home being overrun by Amherst’s horrible disease, Trevor’s appearance at the end, and the absolutely bone-chilling mental image of the place burning down with everyone inside, as well as Nicole cutting off her hand…it just sticks with me in a really special way.

37. Burnt Offering 🍼 Vs. The Kind Mother ❌

Burnt Offering still stands out to me as one of the best examples of a really short, yet really good episode, as well as one of the most…non-stop painful sounding ones with all of the heat and fire. But, I do think I have to give the edge to The Kind Mother, since it’s carried by its extremely creative use of The NotThem, Gertrude’s inclusion, and the way it furthers the plot.

38. Lost and Found🏺Vs. Distant Cousin 🪓

Look…admittedly…I do prefer the statement itself in Lost and Found, it’s a lot more memorable to me for…pretty obvious reasons. But…not only does Distant Cousin still have a great statement regardless, but…that ending scene really does carry it hard for me. It…kind of feels wrong, but…my vote goes to the latter.

39. Infestation🧯 Vs. Hide and Seek 🫥

Ok, so…both of these are great, but I do think Infestation did it slightly better. Hide and Seek is phenomenal in its own right, I love all of the scenes with Martin and Tim, Micheal’s inclusion is great, and I mean…the whole chase sequence with Jon and The NotThem is in a league of its own. However…I don’t know, I think I still prefer Infestation. It just has a bit more going on in terms of character, and amongst all of the chaos, there’s a lot more great development, tender moments, and fantastic comedic relief from Tim. Also…not to mention Sasha’s death, like…wow. So yeah, both great…but I do still slightly prefer Infestation.

40. Human Remains 🩹 Vs. The Librarian 📚

Ok…look…I’ve had some time to let the recency bias settle…but even then, The Librarian clears. Human Remains does everything it needs to. It wraps Season 1 up nicely, it has some great character moments, and gives big reveals in the forms of Gertrude’s body and Not!Sasha…but at the end of the day, it’s main purpose is to nicely transition into Season 2. The Librarian…I did just talk about it, so I won’t go into too much detail, but…it basically achieves all of that and more, not only setting up next season, but…setting up everything to come, shaking the very foundation of the story. Basically, both are endings to story arcs…but The Librarian feels like it’s also the beginning of 10 new ones, so because of that…it wins.

And with that...I'm finally done. Every episode of Seasons 1 and 2 of The Magnus Archives pitted against each other. And the results are...an exact tie. Like...I didn't plan this out to be corny and all like "oh, there's no need to fight, they're equal :)" or anything...it literally just ended up like that. Granted though...I once again need to emphasize that this is not fully emulative of my actual opinions. Like I said, it's just a fun thought experiment I'm doing in order to reminisce on older episodes, and I don't think comparing episodes like this, especially in a way where I'm pitting against episodes with completely different narrative purposes 95% of the time, is a good way to do critique. It's just a fun idea of mine, and at the end of the day, I'm still pretty confident that I like Season 2 a bit more than Season 1 when you compare them as a whole. Well uh...once again, thank you a bajillion times for reading this all! And as promised, the word count for this entire post is....84.482. Congratulations, you just unknowingly consumed what is technically considered to be the length of your average adult novel :). ...What's that? Am I flexing underneath the guise of being humble? ....Ok yeah maybe a little bit, but CAN YOU LET ME HAVE THIS?! I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS THING FOR FIVE FUCKING WEEKS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, AND HAVE SPENT THE PAST THREE HOURS TYPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT NON-STOP IN THE HOPES OF GETTING THIS BLASTED THING OUT BY SUNDAY!!! ....Ok but in all seriousness, you genuinely rock if you've read this much sleep-deprived neurodivergent rambling about the funny pipe murder podcast. Like, all I have to do is info-dump on social media, reading that is a whole other skill that you should be very proud of. And even if it sounds like I'm getting super tired of writing this at times...believe me when I say I wouldn't trade doing this for the world. Life can get...pretty slow and lonely for me at times, but being able to write about my passions like this, and being able to get some really kind responses and feedback from people...it means everything. Well...I'm finally done. I'll see you around next time for the first 10 episodes of Season 3. I'm probably going to take a brief break from listening to tma in order to just finish up some other stuff and work a bit harder for school, but uh...I hope to see you again soon! And hopefully...the eighth post won't be quite as long as this one. Bye! :)

Supplemental: POV you are Jurgen Leitner

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amethystfairy1 · 2 months

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Hello! Hello! Hello!

I don't really have a question to ask... you're just one of the blogs I've followed the longest (you as well as doody are the reasons i got tumblr actually) and I've never sent an ask so I thought I'd just stop by and say... well, hello!

I absolutely adore your works and although I've never sent a comment on ao3, just know that you can go to any chapter you've ever wrote and imagine many, MANY, keyboard smashes from me, lol

I'm proud to say I've been here since the beginning (Pretty Boy my beloved...) and am always looking foward to where you'll end up taking us next (traveling thieves was one of the best spur-of-the-moment things to come from whumptober-ish), and no matter what you do, fanfiction, original stories, art (even if you claim you can't draw)... you'll always have my, as well as many others, support

I hope you have a wonderful night of sleep, because you deserve it

Awww you're so sweet thank you thank you! 💖

I'm so glad you've stuck around since Pretty Boy for TTSBC and enjoyed TT as well! And it's so kind of you to say you'd be interested in anything I were to create (I promise you it won't be art tho, definitely can't draw 😭) that really does mean so much to me!

Like I've mentioned here and there, I have an original concept I've been working on for years, and it's meant to be written similar to TTSBC and TT, that is, multiple storylines all kinda tripping over each other, and while I don't plan to actually post anything of it until I finish my degree, which will be next May, I am already thinking about how I would figure to share it with all of you! It would be so much fun, and I hope it'll get at least a little bit of the astounding amount of love that my AUs have!

But for now, it's tippy taps for the block men! 😆

Thank you so much for coming by!!!

#fanfic #ao3 fanfic #through the sky blue cracks #traveling thieves au #ttsbc au #ttsbc #worldbuilding #amethyst rambles #amethyst originals

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katnissdoesnotfollowback · 5 months

Text

kdnfb's Ten Years of Fanfiction Mania

Featuring: Unmasked

Summary: Written under an Anonymous pseudonym ~M~ to fill the following prompt ~ Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u

Rating: E for explicit sexual content, explicit language, implied/referenced rape/nonconsensual (not everlark), implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced miscarriage, discussions of illness, war, and injury in a historical setting, ptsd, minor character death. They worst of these tags happens offscreen and is merely discussed and dealt with rather than shown here.

A/N: ~Unmasked~ is my longest fic in terms of word count (around 234k), although Outside Chance and Spellbound are not too far behind and are both incomplete. Unmasked started as something meant to be fun and cathartic, then turned into a ridiculously long and self indulgent fic that I still, to this day, have no idea if the anonymous person who submitted the prompt to @everlarkficexchange even read, let alone whether or not they liked it. But I love what I produced for this fic.

Why write it anonymously and only reveal myself later? A couple reasons. 1) Historical is not my wheel house. At least not writing it. I am a shameless consumer of historical romances. I did some research for this fic but not nearly the level I would've liked to have done. Eventually, I said screw it, it's about the vibes not the accuracy. 2) I had a pile of unfinished wips when I started this, to include Outside Chance and Spellbound (both of which are still unfinished hmmmmm) and I really didn't want a lot of questions about when I was going to get back to those while I was working on this because 3) I'd just gone through a small slice of writerly hell to the point that I seriously considered deleting my entire tumblr and all of my fanfic. Details are not important right now, the result is. That's probably the closest I've ever come to calling myself done with fandom.

Then this prompt posted to EFE and wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I decided that if I was going to write it, I wanted to write it with as little pressure as possible. So I chose to write and post it as ~M~ until it was finished. Plus, I thought it might make it fun for people other than me if there was a bit of mystery behind it. And I don't regret doing that.

Writing behind a mask allowed me to be as long winded and self-indulgent as I wanted to without worrying about how tight the storyline was or how accurate the historical details were, or wondering if I'd be walking into my tumblr and a barrage of the kind of messages I'd come to dread receiving. The only thing I worried about, really was if the amount and kind of smut I included gave me away prematurely lmao.

While this was my first real foray into the realm of historical fics, I am hoping it's not the last. I've got too many ideas and half started pieces to back out of it now. But those, like this one, will probably remain untethered to a specific real place, and a specific time, mainly because I just don't have that kind of time for research if I'm not getting paid to do it lol. They will be works of love if not works of accuracy.

Unmasked on AO3

#ten years of fanfiction mania #unmasked #unmasked nonsense #i meant to post this like three weeks ago #ooops

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horanghaejamjam · 11 months

Text

Candlelight Dances - {XMH}

↪ Summary: It was a relationship that was destined to fail. He couldn’t betray his family and you were set to marry his brother. Despite this, fate had odd ways of working and you found yourself willing to do anything to be with Minghao, even if only for a night.

↪ Pairings: Vampire Prince Minghao x Reader

↪ Rating: M 18+

↪ Genre: Vampire Au / Forbidden Lovers / Smut / Fluff / Slight Angst

↪ Word Count: 18.1k

↪ Warnings/Contents: While the reader uses gender neutral terms, it is implied that they wear dresses and appear feminine. Vampire themes including biting, and blood drinking, Forbidden relationship, Mentions of arranged/forced marriage. Smut (minors dni), Unprotected sex, Switch!Hao and Switch!Reader (Mainly dom Hao), Semi public sex, Teasing with a paintbrush, Slight Primal/Prey aspects, Pet Names (Dove, Angel, Darling), Use of clothing as restraint, Nipple play, Oral (male receiving)

↪ Side Notes: If you saw this story before it is a repost! Tumblr ran into an issue with the other one and half of it basically disappeared so I had to repost it. Sorry for the spam y'all istg tumblr hates me.

This is a spinoff of my story Vampire Kisses with slight changes. While this can be read as a standalone there are some references to the other story. Also huge shoutout to the wonderful @xiubaek-13 for once again agreeing to beta read for me. I appreciate your input so much my dear.

This is also officially the longest story I've ever written. Words cannot describe my love for Minghao

↪ Click here to see my other Seventeen stories

↪ Click here for other kpop masterlists

↪ Click here to join my fic taglist

When you were younger, you never believed in the thought of love at first sight. You heard stories from friends and family, but you never believed that it could truly happen. Afterall, love was a very strong emotion, and you felt there was no way anyone could feel that without truly knowing who someone was. That value stuck with you into adulthood, and even more so when you found out about your arranged marriage. You were set to be wed to the first heir of a very influential vampire politician, a requirement by law to keep things balanced between humans and vampires. You had agreed, knowing your family would benefit from the union greatly, but it didn’t mean you were actually happy about it. You were doing this strictly for business, agreeing to marry a man you had never even seen before. How were you supposed to feel anything towards someone you knew nothing about? Little did you know that you would start questioning yourself the moment you moved into the Wen family manor. Before you knew it, you were falling head over heels, not for your fiancé, but for his younger brother.

The moment you first met Minghao was vividly engraved in your mind, replaying like a movie scene on rewind. You had just begun to settle in and get used to the family when he and his brother, Junhui, had returned from a business matter. Minghao was, without a doubt, the most gorgeous being you had ever laid eyes on. From his long black hair that was tied back to show his sharp yet dark eyes, to his tall and slender figure dressed elegantly in a floor length coat. Even with the majority of his body hidden, you could already tell the rest of him was just as delicate and precise as his facial features. It gave him a mysterious aura which, combined with the confidence that radiated off his being, would normally intimidate you. In this case, however, it made him all the more alluring and you swore you felt your heart stop when he smiled kindly in your direction. You knew you were supposed to pay attention to Jun at that moment, but you couldn’t help your eyes from wandering back over to Minghao.

From that moment forward, you found yourself seeking out the younger vampire's company whenever you could. At first it was just brief conversations in the hallway, then it was going for walks around the manor, until finally you found yourself sneaking out before the sun even went down to see him in his study. You learned a lot about him in that short amount of time, and by now you knew his schedule like the back of your hand. As the second son of the Wen family, he didn’t have as many obligations as his brother did. Most of his endeavors required assisting his family in diplomatic matters with a few side tasks here and there. When those were done, he preferred to spend his time working alone in his private study. He was usually up long before the rest of his family, already staining his clothes with paint before the sun even began to set. When you questioned him about it he simply said the daylight wasn’t a concern for him and he preferred the silence that daylight offered. He was always a man of few words so he didn’t really explain much more than that despite your curiosity. You decided not to question his strange schedule too much since it allowed you to spend more time with him without his family stealing your attention.

You learned very quickly that Minghao had quite the eye for art and fashion, and he was extremely talented with a paintbrush. There were many nights where you found yourself curled up on the armchair he kept in the corner, watching quietly while he worked on his latest masterpiece. Occasionally he would glance back at you or ask your opinion of his work, but most of the time the two of you remained in comfortable silence until he decided to call it a night. Other nights you two would sit together and share a drink, simply talking about whatever came to mind at that moment. Minghao definitely enjoyed your presence, and you found yourself seeking his the longer you stayed with him.

If anyone asked, you would lie and say that Minghao was helping you with your anxiety about the upcoming wedding. Not exactly a lie, but not quite the truth either. While his presence did relieve your worries, you also found that your heart beat for him in a way it never would for Jun. You wanted to be close to him, to talk with him, hear his voice, touch him, and be with him any chance you could. You couldn’t ignore the way his touch lingered on your skin, or the way his voice soothed you like a soft lullaby you would never tire of hearing. The way you could stare at him for hours, saying nothing but feeling that his presence said enough. There was still so much to learn about him, and yet you felt like you had known him for years. Your own personal mystery that you could unravel at your own pace if only you had the freedom to do so. Every time you were together, it was your own little paradise, and one you dreaded leaving every time the sun threatened to peek through his curtains. It was wrong, and you knew it, but sooner or later you would need to face the obvious truth: you were madly in love with Minghao.

ღ ღ ღ ღ ღ

“I had a feeling that I would find you here,” your head shot up from its spot between your knees to see the man that was currently occupying your thoughts. Minghao stood a few feet away from you, his familiar black coat flowing slightly in the breeze. He was standing under one of the many trees that lined the manors garden, the leaves shielding him from the few sun rays that started to peek over the horizon. You had been sitting tucked away behind the fountain, back pressed against the cool marble as you waited for the sun to rise, assuming that no one would follow you out. It seems you underestimated the youngest vampire though, since he was now staring down at you from his spot leaning against the tree, expression blank and his arms crossed over his chest.

“What are you doing out here?” you asked as you scrambled to sit up, “the sun…”

“The sun is about to rise I know,” Minghao cut you off, “don’t worry I don’t plan on being out here long.” He picked himself up and walked over to where you were sitting, running a gloved hand through the water rushing out of the fountain before taking a seat beside you. “You startled everyone by running out earlier you know, I was going to wait for you to come back but after a while I got worried.”

“I’m sorry for running out like that, I didn't mean to scare you,” you muttered, “I guess I just got overwhelmed with all the sudden wedding planning.” The planning you were referring to being dress fitting and decorating that had been forced onto you when Jun got too busy. Minghao had volunteered to help you out given how much you two had bonded over design. It had seemed like a good idea at first, but you quickly became frustrated with the constant back and forth. That, combined with your mixed feelings for Minghao and the fact that he was helping prepare you to marry his brother created too much tension and before you knew it, you were rushing out the door and finding refuge in the garden.

“That’s probably my fault,” Minghao sighed, resting a hand on your shoulder, “I was the one who got a bit too invested.” The leather of his glove felt much too thick against you, almost like a cruel reminder of the distance between you. You knew it was your own fault for falling in love with him when you were engaged to his brother, but if anything that made it harder on you. You were falling victim to your own feelings and there was nothing you can do about it.

“It’s not your fault,” you groaned, “it’s mine.” Minghao didn’t respond but the tightening grip on your shoulder let you know that he was listening. “This whole wedding has been really hard for me and I guess my emotions just got the best of me and I got overwhelmed,” you explained. Minghao hummed softly before pulling his hand away and sitting a bit straighter, the light splash from the fountain becoming a bit much for him to handle as you watched him wipe the back of his neck. You felt the soft mist as well, but if anything it was a welcome sensation that helped to calm your nerves.

“Still I’m sure my pestering didn’t help so for that I apologize. I know this can’t be easy on you and it’s a lot to get used to, I just wanted to try and make it a bit easier.” You quickly shook your head at his apology.

“Hao stop, nothing anyone does will make this easy on me.” You flinched as your words came out harsher than you intended, but if Minghao noticed he didn’t comment on it.

“Why is that do you think?” he asked, causing you to sigh. You couldn’t tell if he genuinely had no idea how you felt or if he did and just didn’t want to admit it.

“It’s complicated,” you muttered, “even if I wanted to tell you I probably couldn’t.” This time your words seemed to affect Minghao as you watched him frown slightly. He turned his head away and opened his mouth as if to say something but you cut him off.

“It’s getting pretty bright out you know, aren’t you worried about the sun?” You looked up at the sky to see it was much lighter than before. Minghao mirrored your actions with a hand shielding his eyes, only to shrug slightly.

“It’s not too bright out yet, I’ll be fine. I’m not as sensitive to the sun as my brother, remember?” he reminded.

“I thought you just meant you preferred the brightness,” you confessed, “you never really explained that.”

“What fun is it if I tell you everything right away?” Minghao teased, only to stiffen up a bit when you frowned at him, “But if you really want to know I am a halfblood vampire. Unlike my brother who was born a vampire, I was born a human and turned into a vampire when I got older. My body is still semi human because of this so I am not as sensitive to things like the sun. It will still hurt but nothing I can’t manage.” You were a bit caught off guard by his sudden honesty, but figured it was better to take advantage of it rather than question him.

“I didn’t realize halfbloods were a thing, I thought you all were the same,” you confessed, “so does that technically make you, you know?”

“Adopted?” Minghao asked with a slight giggle, “You don’t have to be shy, I won't bite, but yes I am. My birth parents were humans who worked at the manor, and my current family took me in after they passed away.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you sympathized.

“Don’t be. That was many years ago and I barely remember them, these guys have always felt more like my family and I would do anything for them.”

“I guess in that way we are the same,” you mused, “I mean I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my family.” Minghao sighed beside you, running a hand through his hair.

“I know this situation isn’t the most ideal for you, but I encourage you to at least open up a bit. You are already part of the family to us, you just need to see that.” Minghao’s words echoed through your mind almost teasingly, a painful reminder of the situation you dragged yourself into. Family, that is all Minghao would ever see you as, his family. The woman who would soon marry his brother and be his sister, when you couldn’t help but wish he was the one you were marrying. You wanted nothing more than to confess that to him, have it where the wedding dress he was designing was for him and not for Jun, but you knew that couldn’t happen. You had made an agreement and you knew the political importance of your wedding. Jun was the heir of the Wen family and was required to marry a born human to keep a power balance between humans and vampires. You probably weren’t the first choice, but you were a young woman with no current political ties so to the Wens you were the perfect candidate. Minghao may still have the status of being related to the Wen family, but in terms of power he was still the bottom of the totem pole. It was something he seemed to enjoy since he had more freedom, but you couldn't help but wonder what would be different if you were allowed to choose which brother you would marry.

“Can I ask you something?” hearing Minghao hum in reply you moved to face him properly, “You’re the second in command when Jun takes over right? So does that mean you’ll be in an arranged marriage as well?” His eyes widened slightly as your question caught him off guard, but that expression quickly changed into a smirk.

“Why would you want to know something like that?” he teased, giggling slightly as you stuttered to try to come up with an explanation, “I’m just teasing Y/N relax. The marriage rule only applies to the head of the family. Honestly the rule doesn’t make much sense to me personally but it’s just how things run around here.”

“So it doesn’t apply to you then?” you clarify.

“No it doesn’t, I have no plans of taking over the family so I can marry whoever I want.” He locks eyes with you when he says that and you could have sworn you felt his demeanor change before he was clearing his throat and standing up. “I’d love to stay and talk more but I would prefer not to stay in the heat,” he explained. Most of his body was covered in his usual black attire, but you could see his cheeks and neck turning more red than normal. You quickly realized that the sun had fully emerged while you were talking and was probably taking its toll on the young vampire.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have kept you outside so long,” you quickly apologized.

“Don’t be, it was my decision to come after you,” Minghao assured, reaching out to pat your head softly, “I just don’t like the heat, and besides I do have a few things to finish before bed so I should really get back to work. I will see you later tonight Y/N,” and with that he was walking back to the manor, leaving you standing alone in the garden. You half debated running after him but decided against it, sitting back against the fountain and taking advantage of the daylight to be alone with your thoughts.

You stayed out in the garden for what you assumed was a few more hours before eventually retiring back to your room. Closing and locking the door behind you, you quickly washed yourself off and got changed into more comfortable clothes before crawling into bed. You were actively trying to adjust to the nocturnal life living with vampires, and to do so you were taking more naps during the day. At first the sunlight had made it impossible to fall asleep, but eventually you got used to it with the help of blackout curtains that you often kept closed. With the comfortable darkness surrounding you, it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep, the conversation with Minghao still running through your mind.

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You woke up a few hours later to a soft knocking at your door. Groaning softly, you sat up and rubbed at your eyes before carefully slipping out of bed and walking over to the door. To say you were shocked to see Minghao standing at the door was an understatement. His coat had been discarded, exposing a white button up that he had partly undone and the sleeves rolled up to expose his arms. His hair was tied back as usual and his hands were covered in various colors of paint, letting you know that he’d probably been working this whole time. You couldn’t deny how attractive he looked like this, managing to look elegant even when he was supposed to be a mess. Meanwhile you literally had just rolled out of bed and probably looked like that, making you want to shy away from the young vampire's gaze.

“Sorry did I wake you?” he asked, taking in your appearance.

“Not at all,” you lied with a soft yawn, “I’m honestly surprised that you’re not asleep at this time though.”

“I got carried away with my work,” he admitted with a shy smile. You mirrored said smile as you saw him rub at the back of his neck, some of the still drying paint on his skin rubbing off onto his collar. This was a side of Minghao you didn’t get to see very often and it was honestly adorable.

“I can see that,” you teased, making him giggle, “and I’m guessing that you’re not here to take a break?”

“You know me too well, I just wanted to show you something real quick if you are not too busy?” Minghao offered. Truth be told you were still exhausted from being suddenly woken up, but you weren’t about to turn him down, not when your time together had been cut short recently.

“Not at all, just give me a second to get changed,” you said, already starting to close the door to your room when he stops you.

“Don’t worry we won’t take too long so you can go back to sleep right after,” he assured, taking another moment to glance over you, “besides, the outfit really suits you.” You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but you still felt your cheeks heat up at the comment. Minghao noticed and laughed again, making you playfully slap at him.

“Stop teasing me!” you whined.

“I’m not, I swear!” he mused with another laugh.

“Like hell you’re not!” you exclaimed with another hit at him. Minghao stepped back this time and grabbed your wrist before you could touch him.

“Alright alright I’m sorry, but seriously are you coming with me or no?” He was still holding onto your wrist, gently tugging you away from the door and out into the hall before you even agreed. You gave in almost immediately, letting him tug you out fully before closing the door behind you.

“Yes I’m coming, lead the way.” You agreed. Minghao hummed softly and dragged you down the hall and into the library before finally letting go of your wrist. You briefly mourned the loss of his touch but continued to follow him through the many bookshelves until you made it to a familiar door hidden in the corner of the room. The wooden frame was darker than the others and carved with an intricate design of leaves and vines meeting a blooming flower at the very top. The design was carved by Minghao himself, as was his name that was carved and painted perfectly in the middle of the door. Behind the door was Minghaos personal study/studio and the one place in the house he spent a majority of his time in.

The interior was just as beautiful as the exterior, with the same high walls and pristine wooden floors as the rest of the library, save for the fur rug that lay in the middle of the floor. The room was often dark as Minghao preferred working in natural light provided by the glass doors that led out to a mini covered area of the garden. During the night the doors were often open to let the breeze and moonlight in, but right now they were closed and covered by dark red curtains to keep the light out. The only other light was provided by a mini lamp that rested on his desk in the middle of the room. The only other furniture aside from his desk and chair was the leather armchair that was tucked into the corner right behind it. Normally that chair was covered in various art supplies or clothing articles he was working on, but since you started spending more time with him that space was now left open for you. His art supplies had a new home in an organized pile by the double doors or on his desk, save for the canvas he had currently displayed in the middle of the room. You walked into the room before Minghao and made your way over to the canvas, which is what you assumed Minghao wanted to show you.

The painting was clearly in the early stages, mostly just a blend of color and shapes at the moment. However, you could clearly make out the outline of what you assumed would be a couple. The male figure was just a pencil outline at the moment but the female was more defined. You could make out the black paint strokes as part of a dress and even if it wasn’t anywhere near completion yet you could easily tell the detail going into it.

“I know it isn’t much right now,” Minghao’s voice snapped your attention away from the painting. He had walked over to his desk, leaning against the wood as he looked over your shoulder at his work. “This isn’t my normal style but I’ve been really inspired recently and figured I would try my hand at something new,” he explained.

“It looks great so far, especially for a new style,” you complimented, “though I’m curious what inspired you to make something like this?” Minghao chuckled softly and you looked over just in time to see him shake his head.

“That’s a secret for me to know and you to find out later, I’ll tell you when I’m finished but right now I just wanted your input on it.” He explained. You wanted to groan at him still being secretive but you knew there was no point in arguing with him.

“You really are a mystery, you know that?” you mused, making him laugh again.

“You wouldn’t be the only one to say that,” he commented.

“Seriously though, do you ever get tired of being so secretive?" you asked.

“Not really, it’s just who I am,” he replied, “I’m so used to keeping things to myself, when you see and experience the things I have, it becomes hard to trust other people. You are kind of the odd one out of that equation, that’s why I wanted to show you this first.” You nodded, still not getting the idea of why he wanted to show you this, but realizing it must be important to him.

“You don’t have to show me anything though,” you mumbled, following his movement with your eyes as he moved over to the opposite side of his desk, looking through one of the drawers.

“I want to,” he whispered to himself. He grabbed a pencil and made his way back to the canvas in the center of the room, starting to sketch a few lines into it. His back was covering the piece and you weren’t able to see it, causing you to move closer so you could peek around his frame. You watched for a moment as he tried sketching a few more details on the female's face before giving up and quickly erasing them, careful not to touch the paint. “I have a vision in my head but haven’t been able to properly portray it on paper,” he explained. “This piece is a present for someone so I want it to be perfect.”

“A present?” you echoed, “for who?”

“Someone very important to me, I can’t reveal who they are at this time but just know this needs to be perfect.”

“I see,” you muttered quietly, crossing your arms over your chest, “so that’s why you’ve been so secretive lately.”

“Yes and no,” Minghao muttered, not taking his eyes off of his sketch, “normally I don’t let people see my personal work but you are a bit of an exception, I figured you could help me.”

“Why me though?”

“You ask a lot of questions, you know that?” he responded to your question with one of his own, “because you’re the one person I can trust. This kind of stuff makes me really nervous, you know.”

“Nervous?” you question, poking lightly at his shoulder, “that’s pretty honest for someone who's so mysterious,” you teased. He didn’t look at you but you could hear him try to suppress a soft giggle.

“I’m not trying to be mysterious,” he confessed, “I just haven’t had the time to properly adjust and be myself with the new environment.”

“Well, you’re still young,” you recalled, “especially for a vampire if I remember correctly."

“Exactly, the transition isn’t exactly the easiest process to go through,” he lamented, “I know it was in my best interest but that doesn’t make losing your humanity any easier.” You were silent for a moment, this is the most open he’s ever been with you since you first moved here, and you weren’t even sure if he realized that. Still you wanted to take advantage of this honest side of Minghao, desperate to finally learn more about him.

“Well there’s nothing wrong with being a bit reclusive. It’s a really powerful trait you know.” you smiled, watching him try to sketch out another piece of the canvas.

“I think I just want people to understand that there’s more to me than they think.” Minghao said, gripping his pencil tightly.

“Like what?” you urged, he opened his mouth to say something before quickly closing it. You sighed at the realization you weren’t going to get a genuine answer to that question, “nevermind don’t worry about it.”

“Sorry,” he apologized, “that’s something I need to keep to myself for now. You’ll know when the time is right.”

“If you say so,” you sighed, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Anyways,” Minghao quickly changed the subject, returning your attention to his work, “you never did tell me what you think of the current piece.” You nudged him out of the way slightly to get a better look. Your eyes trailed across the figures on the canvas, feeling an odd sense of familiarity between them but not knowing why.

“It looks great so far, I can’t tell what you’re going for yet because it’s not drawn out but I like the detail I see.” you praised.

“Like I said it is still a work in progress,” he reminded, “but I think I’m starting to notice my vision so thank you.”

“Really, I only said one thing?” you challenged.

“You helped more than you know,” he said, returning to his space in front of the canvas. His hand brushed over your arm as he nudged you to the side, and you could have sworn that you felt it linger there a bit longer than normal. His feather light touch sent tingles down your spine and made you want to reach out to him, but his voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “I really should get back to work and I’m sure you want to go back to bed.” You couldn’t help but let your disappointment show, sighing softly as you nodded and pushed away from him.

“You’re right I should go, sorry for bothering you for so long.” you muttered, staring at the ground as you began walking to the door. You had just put your hand on the doorknob when Minghao called out to you.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you turned around, a bit too eagerly for your liking to see Minghao staring back at you. His bottom lip was trapped between his teeth and he looked almost nervous, refusing to meet your gaze.

“I- you know what nevermind it’s not important, have a good rest.” Just as quickly as he called out for you he was turned back to his work, sketching at the page with a newfound determination. You slumped down a bit, but decided to leave him be, quietly slipping out of the office and leaning against the door once it closed.

“Minghao, why do you have to be so complicated?”

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Unfortunately it seemed you wouldn’t get an answer to your question, as Minghao basically began to avoid you after that day. You weren’t invited to his office anymore, and any time you tried to speak to him he dashed away faster than you could blink. It didn’t help that the Wen family started to insist you be more involved with wedding planning, so the minimal free time you had was now spent working with Jun. You tried to be nice to him, knowing that it wasn’t his fault you were in this mess, but you couldn’t help but get frustrated. You had been so close to finally getting Minghao to open up to you, his words replaying in your mind tirelessly, only to have it ripped away from you painfully. Now you may never get another chance because you were stuck listening to his older brother whine about some decoration for the tables you couldn’t care less about.

“Hey Y/N, are you listening?” you snapped out of your mini sulking session to see Jun staring down at you. His eyes were soft but the frown he wore told you he was worried. If there was one obvious difference you noticed between the vampire brothers, it was that Jun was a thousand times more expressive.

“I wasn’t sorry, what did you say?” you admitted, feeling bad that you ignored him. Instead of answering you though, Jun turned to face his mother instead.

“Would you excuse us for a moment, I think Y/N needs a second to clear their head.” You didn’t hear Mrs. Wens reply but assumed she agreed as Jun quickly took your hand and escorted you out of the dining room.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized as he dragged you out.

“Don’t be, I figured we could both use a break,” he assured, “come on a walk with me, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” You could feel your blood run cold when he said that, immediately assuming the worst. That he knew about you and Minghao and you were about to get in trouble, or that he would call off everything and your family would be stuck with nothing again. “Relax, it's nothing bad, I can hear your heartbeat all the way over here,” Jun teased, smiling back at you to get you to relax a little bit. It worked, if only partially and you took a deep breath as he led you down the hall and into an area of the manor you had never been before.

“Wait where are we going?” you asked, to which he only shook his head.

“Patience little one, you’ll see in a second.” The two of you continued walking for a moment before stopping at a large set of double doors. Opening them revealed a large, mainly empty ballroom. The floors seemed newly polished and the only furniture visible was the grand piano that rested elegantly in the corner. The rest of the room was open, clearly giving the space for people to dance and mingle. The room was lined with multiple floor length windows, the curtains currently pulled back to allow moonlight to flood through. The only other light source you could point out were the candle holders that also lined the walls, though they were currently empty which left the moon to light up the room.

“Wow, I didn’t know this room existed,” you mused, stepping into the middle and twirling around so you could take in everything.

“We usually keep this room closed off unless we need it for parties,” Jun explained as he closed the doors behind him, “however Hao and I used to come in here a lot when we were younger.” He took your curious glance as a sign to continue, walking over to where the piano was, “We both grew up in this house so as kids we loved playing in here. Then once we got older and he joined the family we would just use this space to talk or think. I even tried teaching him to play the piano once but he wasn’t a big fan.” A few skillful presses of the keys sent a beautiful melody echoing through the room, answering your unspoken question of if Jun could really play the piano. It was at this moment you realized you had never really taken interest in the heir to the Wen family, so focused on trying to keep Minghao’s attention.

“I didn’t know you could play the piano,” you commented, making him chuckle slightly.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, though I just figured you weren’t interested since you spend all your time with my brother.” Your eyes widened at his comment, quickly stuttering to try and think of an explanation, only for Jun to silence you with a wave of his hand, “relax darling I’m just messing with you. I’ve known there was something between the two of you since the first week you got here, you’re not exactly the best at sneaking around here you know. ”

“Wait, you’re not mad?” you asked in shock, making him shrug.

“Why would I be?”

“Because I’m engaged to you?” you reminded, as if there was any possibility that he had forgotten that fact.

“True but I’m not dumb you know, I know that this marriage is only for political reasons. Now if we were marrying out of love I would have been mad but you can’t force someone to love you if they never did to begin with.”

“Well when you put it that way it just makes me feel bad.” you whined.

“You can’t control your feelings Y/N, if you love Minghao just tell me,” Jun pushed, “the truth is going to come out sooner or later anyways.” You wanted to deny it for the sake of keeping things civil but you knew there was no point, Jun had already seen through you.

“Fine you caught me, I love him,” you confessed, “so what? It doesn’t change anything does it?” You could see Juns expression fall and he sighed as he took a seat on the bench in front of the piano, still facing you but with his hands propping up his head.

“Part of me wants to say that it does but honestly I don’t know,” he confessed, “this tradition has been around ever since my family came into power. As the heir to the family I have to marry a human in order to keep things balanced and vampires are like swans, we mate for life. I don’t want to force you into a loveless marriage but I am also obligated to go through with this for the sake of my family.” He noticed the way your expression fell with each word, having to bite his tongue from saying something that may upset you more. “I’m sorry if there was a way for me to end this and let you be with him I would do it.”

“It’s not your fault,” you assured him, “if anything it’s mine for getting too close to him in the first place. Besides, even if you could put a stop to the marriage it wouldn’t change much.”

“What makes you think that?” he asked. You paused for a moment and debated answering, since they were brothers after all and you didn’t want to risk him telling Minghao how you felt. However, your thoughts have been consuming you recently and this may be the only time you would have someone to talk to about it.

“I don’t think he feels the same way,” you confessed, “something changed recently and now he won’t even look at me, it’s like we’re complete strangers and I don’t understand why.” Jun remained silent, raising an eyebrow for you to continue, which you hesitantly did, “I thought we were getting closer. There was one night where he finally started to open up to me, talking about how hard things were and this painting he was working on. However when he went to ask me something he just kind of shut down and asked me to leave, and I haven’t heard from him since.” Jun didn’t say anything for a moment, taking the time to truly process your words. You watched his lips slowly curve up into a smile before he started laughing.

“You really are a bit naive, you know that?” he teased, cutting you off before you could ask what that was supposed to mean, “Y/N you know as well as I do that Hao is a bit of a mystery. His heart is in the right place but he doesn’t always know how to express that properly so he gets shy. You just have to be patient and slowly break down his walls, because trust me he’s the sweetest guy I know once you get through to him.”

“Well of course you’d say that, you’re his brother.” you said with a soft laugh.

“Yes but before I was his brother I was his best friend and I’ve been in the same situation you are in currently. I want to say we were 16 or 17 when I finally got him to open up to me. Not to dissuade you though because I’m pretty sure you managed to make more progress than I have in only a few weeks.”

“You really think that?” you asked, wanting to believe him but also still being unsure of yourself.

“I know it,” Jun assured, standing up and making his way over to you, “look Y/N I don’t want to get your hopes up about anything because neither of us can go against our family. That being said, I think you owe it to both yourself and Hao to be honest with him about how you feel.”

“I want to, I really do, but what good will it do if we can’t be together?” you confessed. Jun smiled sadly at you and reached out to squeeze your shoulder.

“Like I said, no promises, but there may be a few strings we can pull so everything works out,” he whispered, almost as if he was telling you a forbidden secret. In all honesty, he probably was as he was basically confessing to willingly trying to go behind his parents backs. It wasn’t something you had time to question however, as Jun squeezed your shoulder one last time before walking past you to the doors. “I have to get back before mom gets too suspicious, but you’re welcome to stay here and think about what I said. I’ll tell her that you were tired and went to bed early.”

“Thank you Jun.” you called out, looking back at him over your shoulder.

“Don’t thank me just yet,” he warned, “also do me a favor and make sure the room is still clean when you leave, my family will have my head if we let it get messed up.” With that he left you alone, letting the door click softly behind him. You let your gaze fall onto the piano bench for a moment, where he had been sitting, before turning your attention to one of the large windows. It looked almost like a door and you could see a small balcony behind it, much like the one in Minghao’s study. The thoughts of Minghao and what Jun said flooded your thoughts as you moved towards the window on autopilot. Your fingers traced gently over the frame before finding the latch and undoing it to let the glass pane swing open. The soft breeze tickled your face as you pushed the door open enough to slip past and make your way out onto the balcony. Despite the soft breeze, the night air was warm, a contrast to the cool marble railing that you leaned against. Unlike the study, this view reached out to the front of the manor, allowing you to view the main courtyard and the road that lay just beyond the large gates. In the distance you could see the lights from the city, the place you used to call home before your arrangement with the Wen family. Bittersweet memories they were, as when you first moved in you found yourself longing to go back home to your friends and family. You hadn’t spoken to any of them in months, and likely wouldn’t until your wedding day, so you hoped they were alright. At the same time though, you had slowly grown used to living in the manor, so now it was the city that felt foreign to you. Even when you did go out, it was usually at night and accompanied by one of the staff or family friends. One wouldn’t think a city run by vampires would be much different than that of humans but they would be mistaken. Most of the shops were the same with a few minor adjustments, but the atmosphere felt significantly different. You didn’t know how to describe it, but the world of vampires felt more polished in a sense. At first you were worried you would never get used to it, but now you didn’t want to leave it.

“It’s quite the view isn’t it?” whipping your head around, you were shocked to see Minghao standing behind you. His body leaned against the wall with his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat. His hair was down for once, allowing you to really see how long it was. His bangs were pushed out of his face but a few strands rested in front of his eyes, the rest tickling his neck as the wind pushed it back, though if you had to guess it was almost to his shoulders. You couldn’t help but mentally curse this man for looking more beautiful every time you saw him.

“Hao,” you muttered as you finally got control of yourself, “what are you doing here?”

“Ran into Jun in the hallway, he told me I could find you here.” he explained.

“Were you looking for me?” you asked, albeit a bit too eagerly.

“Actually I was,” he confessed, “I feel like I owe you an apology, I know I’ve been acting pretty strange recently and I didn’t want you thinking it was your fault.” Those words came as both a relief and a surprise to you. At the same time though, you couldn’t help but worry that he was only doing this because Jun ratted you out.

“Jun didn’t set you up to this, did he?” you asked, making him huff a bit.

“Darling he didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, so no I came after you myself.” You couldn’t help but blush at the nickname, something Minghao clearly noticed. You were about to ask what exactly Jun told him when he turned to look back inside the ballroom, “Come inside with me for a minute, I want to show you something.” To say you were confused would be an understatement, especially since the way he was acting was pretty out of character for him. Still you didn’t say anything as you followed him back inside, making sure to close and lock the door behind you. Minghao motioned for you to stand in the middle of the room as he grabbed a small box from his coat pocket, which you quickly realized was a box of matches. “This used to be my favorite room in the whole house,” he explained, lighting one of the candles before putting the match out and trailing the wall to light the rest, moving quickly but cautiously. “As the decades go by the house has become more and more modern to fit the changing times. This is the only room that has remained perfectly untouched since its construction,” he explained, “I don’t mind the modern touch of course, but there is something so elegant and romantic about a candlelit ballroom don’t you think?”

“It is rather beautiful, I can only imagine how extravagant the events hosted here are.” you commented, taking your eyes off of Minghao to glance across the room once again.

“There are not many as we save it for the most important milestones but they definitely are something,” Minghao agreed, setting the last candle back into its holder. The room was now lit with a soft glow, the shadows dancing as the flames flickered softly. “I’ve been around for a few but one in particular will always be my fondest memory.” he continued.

“Oh, what would that be?” you asked.

“For my parents the day I was turned and initiated into the family was a big deal,” he explained, undoing his coat and walking over to the piano, “they threw a large ball for me in this room to celebrate, almost like a coming of age ceremony I guess. It wasn’t the easiest transition for me so that celebration meant a lot to me and I will never forget the first dance I had on this ballroom floor.” He paused for a minute to lay his coat down on the bench, revealing a maroon red sweater he had tucked into his usual black pants. You had never seen Minghao in any color other than black and white, and the contrast of the red against the rest of him was striking. “The first dance was with my mother,” he continued as he brushed his hands across the piano keys, “all eyes were on us as a special song played, I still remember the melody like it was yesterday.” Minghao lightly pressed on a few of the keys, the melody sounding quite familiar to the one Jun played earlier, only this time it kept playing when he pulled his hand away. The song continued as if someone was playing the piano, a distinct melody that made Minghao smile as he walked away. You weren’t sure whether to be in awe of the song or shocked by the seemingly magic piano. “What, never seen a self playing piano before?” Minghao teased when he noticed your expression.

“Evidently not,” you exclaimed, “how on Earth is it even doing that?”

“Simple mind trick,” Minghao explained as if it was nothing, “all I have to do is focus on the song and it’ll do what I want.”

“So what, you’ve been able to move things with your mind this whole time?” you questioned, wondering why you never knew of this ability until now.

“Yes and no, I wouldn’t even begin to know how to explain it but that’s beside the point,” he brushed it off again as he walked back over to you, “do you know how to dance?” The question took you by surprise, looking at him as if he just asked you what the meaning of life was.

“Come again?”

“It’s a yes or no question dear, do you know how to dance?” Minghao repeated, smiling a bit as you nodded your head.

“A little bit but I haven’t danced with anyone for years.” you confessed.

“Don’t worry little dove, I will lead the way,” he said with a smirk, extending his hand to you with a soft bow, “may I have this dance?” You were really starting to question if this is the same Minghao you had spoken to a few days prior. His whole demeanor was different and there was an air of confidence to him that you had never seen before. It was like a switch was flipped inside of him and now he was finally opening up and showing you his true self, which you had to assume was Juns doing. Still, you didn’t want to throw away this chance with him so you quickly took his hand and allowed him to guide you into a steady waltz.

It was a bit rough for you at first, not remembering the moves and getting stiff every time you misstepped which only made Minghao laugh. “Just relax, feel the moment.” he repeated each time until he finally felt you do so. You closed your eyes and focused on the song playing as Minghao guided your movements, until you were both in perfect sync with each other. Minghao hummed softly to the melody as he pulled you closer, wrapping his arm around your waist and pressing your body into his chest as your dance turned into simple swaying. Almost out of instinct, you leaned further into him and rested your head on his shoulder, taking in the sweet scent of roses and a hint of red wine that radiated off of him. Even through the sweater you could feel him, the way his body was cooler but seemed to take in the warmth from your touch. How his own heart wasn’t beating but you could feel your own pulse through his touch, as if he was molding to you. Minghao didn’t push you away, instead he welcomed the almost embrace as you two swayed together, taking in your own scent and closing his eyes. By this point the music had stopped but neither of you seemed to care. This is the closest he had ever been to you, and sadly it was the closest he would probably ever be.

“I’ve never been this close with anyone outside of my family.” he confessed after a moment, his voice nearly a whisper. Your eyes opened at his words, but you didn’t dare to pull away from him.

“So why me then?” you asked, almost afraid of hearing the answer.

“You’re special,” he confessed, “you make me discover parts of myself and feel things that I didn’t know existed. I didn’t know how to handle it, I couldn’t even bring myself to tell you because I was so scared and confused. That’s why I shut you out, because I had hoped if I did that these feelings would go away and things would go back to normal.”

“But they didn’t.” you said, not having to ask since this moment was proof enough.

“No they didn’t,” he agreed, “and then Jun came into my room and told me what you said, and how you felt and I knew I had to say something, I couldn’t have you getting the wrong idea.” He pulled away from you just enough so that he could look down at you, his eyes carrying every unspoken emotion he was feeling. You were positive that you looked no different, wondering if you were dreaming. Not even a day ago you would have been positive that Minghao hated you, and yet now he was here holding you and looking at you like you were his whole world. It almost felt like too much for you to handle. “Y/N?” he said, getting your attention, “that day in my study, what I wanted to tell you was-’

“You don’t have to say it Minghao, I already know.” you cut him off. He opened his mouth to protest but you cut him off again this time by grabbing his collar and pulling him down so your lips connected. He let out a surprised yelp at the action nearly backing away until he processed what was happening. You reached up to run your hand through his hair just as he relaxed and began to kiss you back, his arm tightening around your waist as the other reached up to cup your cheek. His touch was cold, but you ignored that in favor of focusing on how soft his skin was. His hair glided easily through your fingers and you heard him giggle as you played with the ends, tickling him slightly. His kisses were just as soft, but you could still feel the passion behind them, especially as his fangs poked out to graze at your lower lip. The sensation made you gasp and that was when Minghao finally pulled away, allowing you a moment to catch your breath. He had a shy smile on his face and you were positive he would be blushing if he could, while you felt like you could melt on the spot from how hot your face was.

“That was definitely unexpected.” he said with a shy giggle.

“Did you not like it?” you asked, almost afraid that you went too far.

“No no, I loved it,” he promised, stroking your cheek with his thumb, “I just never expected you to react that way.” You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes, wanting to savor the moment for as long as possible.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I first met you,” you confessed, “I love you Minghao, I would want nothing more than to spend every day like this with you.” You had expected him to reciprocate your feelings since you had assumed that’s where this night was leading, but instead you were met with silence. Minghao didn’t say anything which made you open your eyes again. His expression had fallen and he looked almost defeated.

“I had a feeling you would say that.” he whispered, slowly letting go and backing away from you. You tried to reach back out for him but he avoided your touch.

“Hao, what’s wrong?” you asked, your heart pounding as you mentally begged him to come back, not to pull away from you again. You finally had him, you didn’t want to let go of him now, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“I’m so sorry Y/N,” he apologized, turning his gaze to the floor so he wouldn’t have to face you, “this may have been a mistake.”

“What do you mean by mistake?” you practically shouted, unable to hide the pain in your voice, “what the hell were these last few hours then, everything you just said? You can’t honestly tell me that you didn’t feel anything this whole time!”

“What? Of course I felt something I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” he tried to defend, his voice raising a pitch despite his calm composure. “Look I’m sorry but I can’t let this go any further, if my parents found out about this then…”

“That’s what this is about?” you cut him off, “you can’t be honest with your feelings because of some stupid tradition with your parents? Who cares what they think, Minghao? It’s just a stupid wedding. I'm sure they can find someone else if they really needed to.”

“I care, Y/N!” he exclaimed, “to you this may not seem like a big deal but to me it is. I owe my life to my family because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t even be here talking to you right now. You think it’s easy for me to sit here and be a bystander watching you give yourself to my brother when I would give anything to be in his place? I love you I really do, but I can’t betray my family like this, not after everything they’ve done for me.” By the time he finished talking he was stiff, shoulders bouncing as if he was out of breath and his eyes had an unfamiliar red tint to them. You took a few steps back, having never seen him this worked up before. Normally you would have been over the moon to hear Minghao say he loved you, but now it felt like a knife stabbing into your heart. By this point you were crying, tears streaming freely down your cheeks that you didn’t bother to hide. The sight pained Minghao, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and brush them away, but he knew he shouldn’t.

“You know,” you finally spoke after a moment, “if you really loved me you would put your pride aside and actually fight for me instead of shutting me out like everyone else.” It was cruel to say that and you knew it, but you were hurting and you wanted him to feel the same pain you were, if not more. Minghaos jaw tightened at your words, refusing to look at you as he regained his composure.

“And here I thought you would be different.” he muttered to himself, but you were able to hear him clearly. His words didn’t have time to process before the room went cold and dark. As quickly as he had appeared, Minghao was gone, the sudden gust of wind and slamming of the door the only indication that he had even been there. You looked up at the candles, watching the smoke rise up from them before falling to your knees and sobbing. You felt suddenly trapped in the large room, suffocated by the darkness as you hugged yourself and continued to cry, not caring if anyone heard you. You wanted to scream and beg for Minghao to come back but you couldn’t, he was gone and now you were positive that he wasn’t coming back.

ღ ღ ღ ღ ღ

Sure enough, you didn’t see Minghao for nearly a month after that night. You knew he was there, as you overheard the staff speak about him and could hear him working in his study any time you passed by. A few times you had knocked on the door, apologizing through the wood and begging for him to let you in, but he never answered. It was evident he was avoiding you, and while you wanted to be mad at him, you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t miss him.

You weren’t sure if he told Jun what happened, but it was clear the older at least knew something was up judging by the sad smile he gave you whenever he saw you looking around. He never spoke to you directly though, only ever giving you gentle pats on the head or shoulder whenever he walked by you. You were half tempted to ask him if he knew something, but with the wedding only moments away it was impossible to get the oldest son alone. You were starting to feel like you were back to how things were when you first moved in. You were confused, frustrated, and, worst of all, alone. You also started distancing yourself as much as possible, locking yourself in your room whenever you weren’t needed for wedding planning. Mrs. Wen had noticed your behavior and tried asking you once at dinner if everything was alright, but all you could do was tell her you had a lot on your mind and left it at that.

Tonight was one of the nights you were staying locked in your room, curled up on your bed staring out the window when you heard a knock at your door. At first you ignored it, assuming it was one of the staff, until the knocking got more frequent. Groaning, you forced yourself to get off the bed and make your way to the door, opening it to reveal a very frantic Jun.

“About time you opened the door.” he whined, pushing past you and into your room.

“Well hello to you too,” you uttered sarcastically, closing the door again, “I thought you guys needed to be invited in to enter a place?”

“First off, that is an awful stereotype of us, and second of all it’s my house I can enter any room I want,” he pointed out.

“Fair enough I guess, but why are you here?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“You know if I didn’t know better I’d think you hated me,” he whined before straightening up again, “but last time I checked you also wanted my help with Minghao correct?” That got your attention and you immediately perked up.

“Are you saying you actually can help me?” you asked, suddenly hopeful.

“I’m not 100% sure but there’s a chance it will work,” Jun explained, “do you remember when I told you that vampires mate for life?”

“Yeah, why?” you asked, confused as to what he was getting at.

“Well there’s a process for that,” he explained, “I probably should have told you this earlier because it would be part of our wedding, but we claim our mates with a bite that seals our bond. Normally we do this during a certain point called a blood moon because the energy is higher.”

“First off that sounds like something wolves would do, not you guys,” you point out, “secondly yeah knowing that earlier would have been nice.”

“I’m going to ignore the wolf comment for now but yeah I’m sorry for not telling you,” he brushed you off, “but long story short if the mating ceremony is done outside of a blood moon usually that means the bond between us fails. However, if the feelings between a vampire and their mate is strong enough then it can work, and we would never break a mated couple apart.” It was finally starting to click with you what he was saying, a look of realization brushing over your features.

“So what you are saying is that if I end up mating with Minghao, we can call off the wedding?” you questioned, “No offense to you of course.”

“None taken.” Jun assured, “But yes if your bond is strong enough my family will have no choice but to accept it. However, if it doesn’t work then there’s nothing else we can do and it’ll be over.”

“What are the chances of it working?” you asked.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never witnessed it myself, only heard of it.” he confessed. You knew it was a huge risk, but the more you thought about it the more it was a risk you were willing to take. If it meant you had a shot with Minghao, you would have been crazy not to try.

“It’s worth a shot.” you stated, already making your way to the door to go find Minghao.

“Hold up,” Jun stopped you, “you can’t just make him bite you, it doesn't work that way, the emotional bond has to be there as well.” That made you pause for a moment, given the fight you guys had, you didn’t even know if Minghao wanted to be around you anymore.

“Emotional bond, got it,” you repeated with a deep breath, “well, wish me luck I guess.”

“Don’t overthink it Y/N, you got this!” Jun called out after you, but by that point you were already out of the room. You needed to do this now, while you were still determined and not psyching yourself out.

The library seemed much colder than you remembered it to be, though perhaps that was your imagination. The welcoming atmosphere that usually invited you was replaced with a distant sense of dread. It hit you like a splash of ice water and made you freeze for a moment, almost debating turning around and returning to the comfort of your room for the night. However, you were determined to finish what you started, so you took a deep breath before continuing on your path. Almost on autopilot you navigated through various bookshelves and desks until you reached the familiar wooden door. You didn’t bother knocking, inviting yourself in and gently closing the door behind you.

Minghao wasn’t at his desk like he normally was, instead you found him leaning against the wall as he looked out through the floor length window into the garden. His body was turned towards you, but his gaze remained focused on the view before him, giving you the perfect view of the man you loved. His shirt was still tucked in, though the first few buttons were undone and his sleeves were rolled up past his elbow, his cloak having been tossed carelessly onto his chair. One hand was tucked in his pocket while the other was mindlessly twirling a wine glass. His rings shone in the light and casted a reflection on the glass, only covered by the sloshing of the remaining red liquid inside. His expression was as sharp and stoic as ever, but you knew him well enough to know he was hiding something. There was a distance in his eyes, gazing at nothing as he was lost in his own thoughts. His bangs fell into his eyes and cast a shadow over his face, something he normally hated but right now didn’t seem to bother with. He looked just as beautiful as he always did, but you could tell he was hurting and that made your own heart hurt in return.

Minghao knew you were there, he could sense your presence before you even walked into his study. The familiar aura you carried that had once been warm and inviting, but was now a dull blade stabbing at him every time he even thought of getting close to you. You could feel it too, the distance that had torn you apart over the last few weeks, the pain of wanting him to hold you and promise he’ll never leave but knowing he couldn't. You knew that he saw you, his eyes flicking over to you if only for a moment before returning back to the window. He didn’t move or make any effort to acknowledge you, merely pretending like you weren’t there. It hurt to be ignored by him this way, though you figured that you deserved it. Honestly you didn’t know what reaction you had been expecting after what happened, but you weren’t prepared for it to hurt this much. Perhaps coming here was a bad idea after all, that’s what you told yourself with a defeated sigh. You were about to turn and leave when you heard the male clear his throat. Looking back, you watched as Minghao straightened up and finished the rest of his wine before finally speaking.

“What are you doing here?” his voice was cold and emotionless, and you hated the way you flinched at it.

“Hao I-” you froze, not sure what exactly you were supposed to say. He didn’t respond, merely keeping his gaze on you as he moved back to his desk, setting the empty glass to the side as he sat down, resting his chin on his hand. You took a moment to look around the room, realizing how much of a mess it was. His art supplies were carelessly scattered all over the place, and you noticed the painting he was working on had disappeared. Even his desk was a mess of random notes and sketches. You tried to glance at them but he noticed and quickly swiped them out of your view. “What happened to your painting?” you asked, glancing back at the mess where it had once been.

“I lost my muse.” he replied flatly, “You didn’t answer my question.” You hated how cold he was being, but you supposed you deserved it.

“I needed to see you.” you confessed.

“Want to yell at me more? Toss my emotions aside?” he scoffed, though you could hear the pain lingering in his voice.

“No, I came to say I’m sorry, I never should have yelled at you like that. I let my emotions take control and I know that I can’t take back what I said but I need you to know that I didn’t mean it, and I’m sorry.” Your apology took him by surprise, a startled noise getting caught in his throat as he sat up.

“I see,” he muttered softly, “I appreciate the apology, and I am sorry too, what happened that night was my fault. I shouldn’t have let things drag on.” You sighed softly and made your way over to him, kneeling down on the other side of his desk and reaching for his hand. He stiffened up a bit, but didn’t stop you which you took as a positive sign.

“I did mean one thing though, I love you Minghao and I’m not giving up on you.” you said, making him sigh.

“I love you too Angel, I really do, but I told you we can’t let this go further.”

“I know that once the wedding happens it’ll be over, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have right now,” you argued, “one night Minghao, that’s all I’m asking for.” He raised an eyebrow at you, urging you to continue, “I want a redo of the night we spent in the ballroom. I want you to dance with me for real and not pull away from me. After that I will leave you alone but please the least you can do is give me that.” Minghao took a moment to ponder what you were asking, absentmindedly rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“This is dangerous, you do know that right?” he asked after a moment, shaking his head when you nodded, “We could get in a lot of trouble for this.”

“I’ve thought a lot about this, I just can’t let you slip away from me anymore.” you said, determined to make him listen.

“You’re after something aren’t you?” he realized, you didn’t want to give away your intentions but you couldn't help but smirk a bit which was the only response he needed. Another moment of silence passed and for a moment you were worried that he would reject you, but finally you saw him nod his head.

“Fine, this is the least I can do I suppose,” he agreed, “meet me in the ballroom tomorrow at sundown, if you’re not there by the time the sun sets fully I’ll leave.” You couldn’t help but smile at his agreement, squeezing his hand softly before standing up.

“Thank you, I’ll be there I promise!”

ღ ღ ღ ღ ღ

The ballroom felt even bigger than before, but maybe that was due to your nerves. This was your last chance to get Minghao, and if you failed then you would lose him, probably for good. The thought alone was enough to hurt you and it hadn’t even happened yet. Your shoes clicked softly on the polished floor as you stepped inside, glancing around the room. Minghao had definitely been here already, the candles lit, some of the curtains pulled back to cast shadows on the floor from the still setting sun. The piano was even playing already, a new melody that you never heard before. It was beautiful for sure, but also more melancholic than the one that had played when you first danced with Minghao. Speaking of, the vampire in question was nowhere to be seen. Spinning around the room once, then twice, you trailed your eyes over every corner in hopes to see him, but there was nothing. Minghao was nowhere to be seen, and you couldn’t help but deflate a bit at the thought that he left already, despite the fact the sun was still out.

“I was wondering when you would show up,” startled, you twirled around to see him only a few feet behind you, appearing practically out of thin air. He was dressed in all black, even having the shade brushed lightly on his eyes to make them pop. The only color being the jewels that decorated his ears and fingers, twinkling against the candlelight. You were used to seeing Minghao in all black, but something about the way he looked now made him even more beautiful.

“Where did you come from?” you asked, “I swore no one was here when I walked in.”

“Hiding in the shadows is pretty easy, just needed to make sure this wasn’t a trick.”

“Why would I trick you?”

“I know you’ve been talking with my brother,” he replied, “who knows what you two have been up to.” Before you could argue that there was nothing, he was speaking up again, “It doesn’t matter though, you are here now so, shall we?” He offered his hand to you, much like he did the last time and you quickly took it, falling into step with him as you began swaying to the rhythm. It didn’t take long for the dance to pick up, and the two of you were soon gliding across the floor, matching each other's movements perfectly and falling in sync with ease. Minghao seemed a bit stiff at first, being so close to you, but he soon relaxed as the melody from the piano became softer, almost hypnotic. You closed your eyes for a moment and just allowed yourself to feel the music, letting it guide you and him in turn.

The sun gradually set as you two danced, until moonlight replaced it shining through the window, making the flicker of the candles more dramatic. The room felt more romantic without the extra light, more intimate as you willed yourself to get closer to Minghao, wanting to feel him and engrave this moment into your memory. It nearly worked, and for a moment you were at peace, until he spoke up again.

“So, do you want to tell me what this is really about?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, glancing up to meet his gaze, though your eyes quickly fell back to your feet. His expression was soft, and yet his eyes were burning through you like he knew something you didn’t. Judging by his attitude, you wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

“I wasn’t born yesterday Y/N, I know you didn’t drag me here just because you wanted a dance,” he pointed out, “you’re up to something and I want to know what it is.”

“I’m not up to anything, I just want to be with you,” you confessed, “I just want to love you and have you love me in return.”

“You know that I love you, I’ve loved you since the first night we spent together in my study.”

“Then why won’t you show it? I know you’re worried about your family and all of that but does their approval really matter that much. Clearly Jun is okay with us being together and I’m sure your parents would come around to it,” you were basically pleading with him at this point. You didn’t care what the consequences were any more, you just wanted to be near him, hold him, love him the way you knew he deserved. You knew he was holding back and hurting himself in the process and you hated seeing him like this, you just needed him to open up.

“My love, believe me I would do whatever it takes to be with you,” he promised, leaning down to rest his head against yours.

“Then do it,” you urged, “you and I both know there’s a way.” Minghao was confused for a moment, until it finally dawned on him what you were implying.

“Love, you can’t seriously be asking me to-”

“Mate with me,” you cut him off with your answer, “I know the chances of it working are low but if it does then your family would have no choice but to accept us!”

“You do know what you’re asking for right?” Minghao questioned, “this is not a simple process and it could put you under a lot of stress. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Who said you would hurt me? I’ve done my research Hao, I know what I am getting myself into.”

“There are so many ways that this could go wrong,” he argued.

“I know but think about what it would mean if it goes right,” you rebutted, “you do want to be with me, don’t you?”

“Of course I do but I don’t want you to potentially ruin everything for yourself, if it works that means you will be bonded to me forever,” Minghao reminded. As much as he would love for it to work, he knew the risks better than you did and he didn’t want you making a choice that you would regret.

“Hao please,” you pleaded, lifting your arms to cup his face, “what will it take to convince you?” You could see the gears turning in his mind as he melted into your touch, his own hands coming up to rest on top of yours.

“Are you sure this is what you really want?” he asked, almost in a whisper.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“Very well,” Minghao agreed, “I’ll make you a deal. I will give you a taste tonight of how that feels and give you time to think about it. If you decide this is what you still want, then we can give it a shot, but know that I can’t promise you it will work.” It wasn’t the exact outcome you were hoping for, but you supposed it was better than having him turn you down completely. “So little dove,” he continued, grabbing one of your wrists and turning his head to press a kiss on your pulse point, “do we have a deal?” You nodded at first, only to sigh when he gave you a stern look stating that he needed a verbal answer.

“If it means you’ll give me a chance then yes, we have a deal.”

“Very well,” Minghao pulled away from you slightly, still holding onto your wrist as he gave it a once over. “You haven’t been bitten by a vampire before, right?” he asked, unable to hide his smirk when you agreed, “the wrist is an easier spot for your first time. I’m only going to do it long enough so you can get a good feeling for it though. It may hurt at first, but after a few seconds it should start to feel almost warm but not in a bad way.” He looked up at you to make sure you understood, stroking your skin with his thumb as you took a second to calm your nerves. Though you weren’t sure if you were nervous because of the new experience or because Minghao was the one doing it.

“I’m ready,” you assured, giving him a confident smile.

“Good, if it hurts or you feel dizzy at all I want you to pull at my hair and I’ll stop,” with that he pulled your wrist towards his mouth. You got a few seconds to prepare as he pressed a light kiss against your pulse point, letting his fangs brush over it before carefully biting down. You gasped at the sensation, tensing up as it felt like you were being stabbed with needles. Minghaos grip on your wrist tightened as you squirmed, keeping you still and looking up at you to make sure you were okay. The pain lasted for a few more seconds before turning into a dull throbbing, and then finally you felt the warm sensation he was talking about. It started at your wrist before flooding through the rest of your body, making you tingle and relax against his touch. You never expected the sensation to be this pleasurable, almost feeling like you were too hot and yet it was a sensation you never wanted to end. Minghao couldn’t help but moan softly at the taste, an action you mimicked as his pleasure only seemed to heighten your experience.

The second you felt your legs go weak was the moment he let you go, brushing his tongue over the newly formed bite mark and wiping his lips with his free hand. He was quick to catch you as you felt yourself lower to the ground, bringing him down with you as he looked at you in concern.

“Are you alright?”

“That was amazing,” you breathed out, “honestly I didn’t want you to stop, that felt way better than I thought it would.” Minghao giggled softly at your confession.

“I didn’t want it to end either, but if I didn’t stop then I’m not sure I would have been able to, your taste is so addicting.” You looked over at him, noticing how his pupils were blown and his lips were parted, fangs still poking out as if he was desperate for more. You weren’t sure if it was because you were coming down from your mini high still, or if it was how attractive he looked, but you couldn’t stop yourself from jumping forward and crashing your lips onto his. The contact clearly caught him off guard and sent both of you crashing to the ground, Minghao on his back with you on top of him. He let out a surprised yelp and for a second you were worried you had hurt him, about to pull away and apologize when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him to deepen the kiss.

You could still taste the remains of your blood on his lips, but the rest of Minghao was so intoxicating that you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You bit on his bottom lip and swiped your tongue across his fangs and the inside of his mouth, careful not to cut yourself. He tried returning the passion in your kiss but you quickly overpowered him and he was left a moaning mess on the floor, desperately gripping onto you as you kissed him like your life depended on it. You adjusted yourself so you were straddling him, grinding your hips down against his when you felt the bulge forming in his trousers. The friction had Minghao whimpering against you, breaking the kiss and throwing his head back as you repeated the action. As you sat up to catch your breath you finally realized the position you found yourself in. The normally calm and composed Minghao was now a shuddering mess beneath you, his hair messy and makeup smeared, his shirt also coming untucked at the front which gave you a peek at his abdomen. All of this coming from a simple bite, and it made you want to ruin the man beneath you. Claim him as yours and see how far you could unravel him until he came undone. You were never one to claim a dominant role in your past relationships, but something about the man beneath you brought out a new found confidence.

“I want you so badly,” you whispered, grabbing his hair and lightly pulling his head back so you could kiss and suck at his neck.

“Then take me,” he pleaded, “Darling I am all yours.” His words were rewarded when you bit down on his neck softly before returning to kiss him again, giving his hair one last tug before letting go and moving your hands beneath you to begin undoing his shirt. You could feel his hands tugging at your own shirt, debating pulling it off before giving up and sliding his hands under the fabric instead. His touch was cold in contrast to your heated skin, sending shivers down your body and making you gasp into his mouth. His fingers expertly traced your skin, gently scratching down your lower back before reaching further up to pinch and tug at your nipples. The sensations had you arching your back, making you grind your hips further into his and making him groan.

“You are so beautiful, you know that?” you asked, pulling away from the kiss to finish undoing his shirt. This was the first time you were ever seeing Minghaos body and he was even more attractive than you had imagined. You knew that he was on the slimmer side, but his body was still toned enough that you could see the outline of his muscles. His skin was soft and unblemished, feeling almost unreal under your touch as you trailed your hands up his body, taking your time to feel him and memorize every curve. Minghao sighed softly at the touch, leaning his head back against the ground and letting his eyes close so he could enjoy the feeling.

“You’re one to talk,” he responded after a moment, giving your nipples another tug which made you squirm above him, “sensitive too I take it.”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, I’m the one in charge here,” you reminded, sliding down his legs a bit so that you could undo his belt and trousers. Minghao lifted his hips enough to help you slide them down along with his boxers, opting not to take them off all the way since you were desperate to feel him. Minghaos length matched well with the rest of his body, on the longer side but more slender. It seemed you had already gotten him pretty worked up as he was already leaking precum and his tip was red. Minghao gasped and shuddered as you took the base in your hand, giving him a few experimental strokes to get a good feel of him.

“Even this is pretty,” you teased, swiping your thumb across his slit causing him to tense up, “I would love to get a taste of you.”

“As much as I would love that Darling we might want to hurry things up, we are still in the ballroom and I would rather not have anyone walk in on us,” Minghao reminded. You spared a cautionary glance towards the doors, taking a moment to listen for any footsteps. Based on what Jun and Hao had told you, the chances of anyone walking in were slim, but that didn’t mean they were zero. After a moment you decided it was safer not to risk taking too long and sighed.

“Next time then,” you hummed, climbing off of Minghao for a second so you could remove your bottoms then climbing back on top of him. His hands found their way to your hips as you positioned yourself over him, spitting on your hand and using that to coat his length before slowly easing him inside of you. The stretch wasn’t too bad, but it was still enough for you to feel it, causing you to moan as you stilled with him inside of you. Minghao cursed at the feeling and threw his head back, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth in an attempt to be quiet.

“Oh god you feel so good,” he moaned out, tightening his grip on your hips as you gave yourself a second to adjust. It took all of his willpower not to thrust up into you, but he refrained and allowed you to go at your own pace to make sure he was comfortable. It only took a moment for you to get used to him, grinding your hips down on him before starting to lift yourself up and bouncing on him. You went at a teasingly slow pace, almost frustratingly so, but it was worth it to see Minghao tense up in an attempt to not take control and pound into you the way you were sure he wanted to do. “Angel,” he huffed out, “as much as I love this time with you I am dying here, please go faster.”

“Aren’t you already dead?” you teased, but you obliged and sped up your pace anyway, causing the both of you to moan out. Your hands landed on his chest for support and his began roaming your body, making sure to feel every inch of your skin. Eventually he settled for gripping onto your thighs, squeezing at them as you continued to bounce on him. Unfortunately, it was hard for you to keep up the pace as you quickly began to grow tired, movements faltering a bit as you struggled trying to keep going. Minghao quickly noticed and chuckled softly to himself, taking advantage of your exhaustion to grab you and flip you both over so now he was the one on top.

“Alright little dove, now it’s my turn,” he purred, grabbing your hands and pinning them beside your head as he began thrusting into you at an almost inhuman pace. The speed and force had you crying out in pleasure, tightening your grip on his hands and closing your eyes as you lost yourself to the feeling. Minghao pressed his lips to yours again to help keep you quiet, swallowing your moans as he continued the same pace. It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar knot forming in your stomach.

“Hao, I’m close,” you moaned out, pulling away from the kiss.

“Don’t worry Angel, I got you just let go,” he whispered, burying his head in your shoulder as his own moans got louder, signaling that he wasn’t far behind you. With a few more thrusts he was pulling out and releasing over your stomach, biting down on your shoulder to quiet himself. The sensation of his fangs buried into your skin again was enough to send you over the edge, vision going white as your release took over you.

The last thing you remembered was Minghao calling your name and feeling his fingers graze your cheek before you passed out.

ღ ღ ღ ღ ღ

To say you were confused when you woke up in an unfamiliar bed was an understatement. This bed was bigger and much softer, with you tucked in under a black, silk comforter as opposed to the velvet one in your room. You felt dizzy and the side of your neck was throbbing, brushing your fingers over the area, you winced when they touched an evident mark. The same place Minghao had bitten you right before you passed out. Speaking of Minghao, the male in question was nowhere to be seen, the only sign of him being the scent of him that lingered in what you had to guess was his room. Your suspicions were confirmed when you rolled over and saw a note resting on the pillow. You could recognize his handwriting anywhere as you read the note apologizing for going too far and having to leave you alone. It said he needed to attend to a few things but for you to rest and relax and he would be back soon. You couldn’t deny that you were a bit disappointed waking up without him, but at least he didn’t abandon you.

You slowly sat up and pulled the comforter off of you, revealing that you were also wearing one of Haos dress shirts, the fabric doing very little to cover your figure but at least it was something after your own clothes had been ruined in the ballroom. Also it smelled like him which served as a great comfort to you. You couldn’t help but notice how he seemed to overwhelm your senses, and yet you wouldn’t dare pull yourself away from it, almost as if you were drawn to anything that reminded you of him. You shook that thought away though instead deciding to glance around the unfamiliar room. You had only ever seen his study and not his actual room, so you couldn’t help but be curious. Besides, you assumed Minghao was still busy and wouldn’t be back for a while so there would be no harm in looking around as long as you were careful, right?

You carefully slipped out of bed, taking a moment to stretch before making your way to the other side of the room. Most of the lights were off, but the lamp on his bedside was on which provided enough light for you to see clearly. Minghaos room had the same dated touch as the rest of the house, but it was also distinctly his. It had the same off white walls that you recognized from the rest of the rooms, but with more notes of gray and black in the furniture. The floor was hardwood, but there was a large gray rug in the middle that you swore was the softest thing you ever felt. The walls were decorated with various paintings, some of which you recognized as his own while others were likely collected from his trips. There were also various artifacts and statues on the shelves that seemed fragile so you were careful to stay away from those. The windows in the room were smaller, mostly covered though one was open to let a soft breeze into the room. The room was fairly simple, but it also had an elegance to it that had Minghaos name written all over it. The one thing that really caught your attention though, was the black easel that was tucked into the far back corner, facing away from you so you couldn't see what was on the canvas. Unlike his studio, the supplies in his room were neatly organized on little black shelves, all surrounding that one corner. You had seen his work a million times before, but something about this one in particular was calling out to you.

Cautiously, you walked over to the corner, careful not to knock anything over as you carefully turned the canvas around. A familiar outline came into view and you realized why you had been so drawn to the painting, it was the same one that Minghao had shown you back before your fight. You had assumed he had gotten rid of it, but now it was standing right in front of you, and much more detailed than you had remembered. In fact, it looked like he was nearly finished with it. You could clearly make out the details on the two figures, and it dawned on you why your opinion on it mattered so much to Minghao.

“That’s…us,” you muttered, ghosting your fingers lightly over the painting to trace the noticeable figures. He had painted the two of you dancing together, catching small details like your eyes, your hair, the way you smiled at him, everything. You also very quickly recognized the outfit as the dress he had designed and was planning to make you for your wedding. You couldn’t help but get emotional looking at it, wondering how long this had taken for him to do and how long he had been planning it.

“Going through my stuff I see,” you whipped around to see a smug Minghao standing against the door, hands tucked in his pockets as he watched you. You didn’t even know he was back, let alone hear the door open.

“Hey, when did you get back?” you questioned in an attempt to change the subject. It wasn’t like you were doing anything wrong but you still felt awkward getting caught. Not to mention the look he had was enough to make you feel small under his gaze.

“Just now, I got called into a family meeting. I’m surprised you’re awake. I've only been gone an hour or so,” he said.

“I see,” you replied, “how did that go?”

“That’s not important right now,” he brushed you off, “want to explain what you’re doing?”

“You didn’t get rid of the painting,” you stated as if that wasn’t obvious, the response causing Minghao to laugh.

“Of course I didn't, I just needed a more private space to work on it, you know you weren’t supposed to see it yet.”

“But I already have seen it.”

“Were you able to tell it was us back then?” he asked, shaking his head at your moment of realization, “honestly when I started working on it I had planned to confess to you with it but things got a bit complicated so I locked it away in here, and yet here we are.”

“You’re the one that brought me to your room,” you reminded.

“Well what was I supposed to do hm? Leave you passed out and half naked on the ballroom floor?” Minghao teased. You couldn’t help but blush at the memory of what happened only a few hours prior, something Minghao noticed even in the dim lighting.

“You could have taken me to my room if you didn’t want me to get curious,” you teased back.

“I could have but I like having you here, I think I may just keep you here from now on.” He was clearly amused by the situation and as much as you loved the idea of staying with him, there was also a defiant part of you that wanted to push his buttons and mess with him.

“What if I don’t want to stay here?” you questioned, moving over to the door and attempting to push past him. You didn’t even make it a step further before his arm was around your waist, pulling you against his chest.

“You weren’t saying that earlier,” he whispered, “and I’m afraid that’s no longer an option.”

“Well I change my mind,” you muse, clearly not serious as you pull away from him. Minghao lets you go, but you hear him groan as you do.

“This is a dangerous game you are playing, you know that right?” he huffed, tone lowering as he spoke, “if you walk out that door there will be trouble.”

“For me or for you?” you taunt, already opening the door. You weren’t sure what you were expecting but there was a new thrill emerging from the idea of running from him. Would he chase after you? Given the way he was acting it was almost a guarantee and that thought had your mind racing. Also, in a weird way this felt like revenge for all the times he ran from you.

“Darling I’m giving you five seconds, don’t make me chase after you.” Minghaos voice was stern, but you could hear the amusement laced behind it. He was challenging you, he wanted you to run away because he wanted the thrill of chasing after you. Who were you to deny him? Minghao started counting down and you wasted no time in running out the door and down the hall. You paused for a moment, looking around the hall and wondering where you could go where Minghao wouldn’t catch you. The garden would have been your default but you assumed that was too obvious, but you didn’t know a large majority of the house so you weren’t sure where else you could go. Not that you had much time though, as you looked over your shoulder to see Minghao already making his way towards you. He wasn’t running, but his stride was long and you knew he would easily catch up to you if you waited too long. “If I were you my little dove, I would start running,” he called out, causing you to turn and immediately rush down the stairs.

You could briefly hear Minghao yell something after you, but his voice quickly vanished as you put enough distance between yourself and him. Knowing the young vampire though, he probably wasn’t too far behind you and had a few tricks up his sleeve to mess with you. Eventually you decided the library would be your best bet, yeah it was obvious but had enough space for you to hide and potentially run away from Minghao. With that in mind, you crept your way over to the familiar door and snuck inside, careful not to make too much noise. Moving a bit slower to make sure you didn’t run into anything, you tucked yourself into a corner behind one of the bookshelves. You kneeled down and positioned yourself so that you could peek around the shelf. Not that it mattered much as you couldn’t see anything due to the darkness. You couldn’t deny the thrill you got from waiting, wondering how long it would take for him to catch you already knowing he would.

It only took a few moments before the door was opening, light pouring in and showing his shadow before the door was closing again. You covered your mouth and pressed your back into the wall as you heard his footsteps echo through the room. You could hear him hum and giggle softly as he made his way around the shelves, clearly undeterred by the darkness.

“Quite a predictable hiding spot don’t you think?” he called out, voice echoing as he looped around one of the bookshelves, “I’m starting to think you don’t even want to win.” You couldn’t help but huff at that, the sound catching Minghaos attention as he made his way to the corner. You could barely make out his outline as he stalked towards you, giving you enough time to react and slide around to the other side of the shelf. Keeping your movements as silent as possible, you darted past him, heading to the area of the room he had just vacated, hoping to throw him off your trail. Minghao seemed to notice this as you heard him laugh. “Where are you hiding my little dove, I know you’re in here,” he called out, the playfulness in his voice evident.

You pressed yourself against the wall, suppressing a giggle, feeling the adrenaline rushing through your veins. You knew Minghao was a master at this game, but you were determined to outsmart him. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you tried to stay as quiet as possible. The sound of footsteps stopped, a moment of silence followed before his voice rang out again, “Well played Darling, but it's no use, I will find you soon enough. We are linked, you can’t hide.”

You giggled quietly, tiptoeing your way to the door in hopes that you could sneak out past him. It seemed that Minghao was two steps ahead of you though, as the second you went to open the door you found yourself pinned against it. You gasped as your wrists were pinned to the door beside your head, Minghao pressing himself against you so you couldn’t escape.

“Found you,” Minghao purred, flipping you around so you were facing him.

“You did indeed, now what?” you hummed, squirming against him.

“Now,” Minghao breathed, leaning in so your lips were brushing, “I claim what's rightfully mine.” As he connected your lips he pulled you both away from the door, savoring your taste for a second before pulling away and throwing you over his shoulder with what you assumed was inhuman strength. You let out a noise that was a mix between a squeal and a laugh as you were carried back up the stairs and into his room, Minghao kicking the door closed before carefully dropping you onto his bed. “Since we’re alone I can finally take my time with you,” he mused, carefully undoing his shirt and sliding it off his body as he walked around to the other side of the bed. “Stay put,” he ordered when he saw you reach out for him, staying out of your reach as he went through his various drawers looking for something. Before you could ask him what he was doing he had returned with what he needed, crawling onto the bed and setting whatever it was off to the side before pinning you to the bed and kissing you again. His hands made quick work of the shirt you were wearing, practically ripping it off to expose your body to him.

“Beautiful,” he praised, pulling away to admire you before reaching behind him, “do you trust me?”

“Of course,” you whispered back, making him smile and show you the object that was in his hand, a long silk tie that you assumed he got from his closet.

“Good, now be good for me and put your hands over your head,” he ordered, to which you eagerly obeyed. It was a bit of a struggle with the shirt still in the way, but that only seemed to amuse Minghao as he helped you put your arms up, your hands still caught in the sleeves. If anything, this only worked in his favor as he wrapped the fabric around your wrists in a makeshift restraint, finishing his work off with the tie to make sure that you couldn’t easily escape your binds. “Comfortable?” he asked, to which you eagerly nodded, “perfect, now why don’t you do me a favor and close your eyes.” Once again you agreed, squirming with anticipation as you wondered what he had planned.

The realization came a few seconds later as you felt something soft brush along your inner thigh, causing you to gasp. You heard Minghao hum in delight as the sensation brushed along your thigh once again before moving to your hip and up your body, purposefully missing the spots he knew you would be sensitive. Once the bristles tickled your stomach, you recognized the sensation as being one of his paintbrushes. The tip barely grazed your skin as he brushed random patterns all over your body, going down to your thigh before moving back up and lightly brushing around your nipple, causing you to whine and open your eyes.

“Hao,” you whined out, “stop teasing me please.” He ignored you though as he moved the brush up your stomach, swirling it around your nipple. You hated how sensitive you were, reacting to the lightest touch by arching your back and silently pleading him for more.

“I have no idea what you are talking about Darling,” Minghao murmured, “I’m just working on my latest masterpiece.” You whined again as he continued trailing the paintbrush across your body, paying close attention to your nipples but refusing to touch you. You were growing increasingly frustrated at the teasing, rubbing your thighs together and pulling at your hands. You almost succeeded in pulling them out of the shirt when his free hand reached up to grab your wrists. “Nice try Angel, you’re not getting away from me that easy,” he hummed. You exhaled sharply as he set the paintbrush to the side gripping your thigh as he trailed his kisses down your chest, stopping to swirl his tongue over your nipple. You gasped softly and arched your back, giving Minghao better access to your chest. He continued with his actions, flicking your nipple with his tongue before wrapping his lips around it and sucking, making you moan softly.

“So sensitive,” he muttered, grazing the skin lightly with one of his fangs before letting it go and switching to give the other side the same treatment. His one hand stayed pressed against your wrists, keeping them in place as you tried pulling away.

“Minghao please,” you begged, “I need you so badly, please do something!”

“Well since you asked so nicely,” he replied, making quick work of his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side and positioning himself at your entrance. Mimicking your actions from before, he spit on his hand to lubricate himself before slowly pushing into you. You threw your head back against the covers and moaned at the familiar stretch, Minghao groaning softly as he bottomed out. He started out with slow thrusts, just feeling you and letting you get used to him before gradually speeding up until he was thrusting into you with the same inhuman speed as before. You already knew you weren’t going to last very long, already feeling your stomach tighten as you closed your eyes and pulled at your makeshift binds, desperate for something to hold on to.

Minghao noticed this and within seconds your hands were free, allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him against you. Your nails dug painfully into his shoulders but that only seemed to encourage him as his movement continued and his head fell to your shoulder.

“You are so perfect,” he moaned out, making you shiver as his breath tickled your skin, “I love you so much, I don’t think I could ever be without you.” His words made your heart swell, but you were too gone to acknowledge them at the moment, more focused on your rapidly approaching release.

“Hao,” you whined out, “please, I want you to bite me again.” Your words caused his movements to falter a bit, Minghao raising his head to look at you.

“Darling, are you sure?”

“Please, I’m so close please bite me again!” your wish was granted as he buried his fangs into the already formed bite mark while picking up his pace again. The combined pain and pleasure had you cumming with a silent scream, holding onto him like his life depended on it. Minghao slowed down his pace a bit to help you ride through your orgasm, licking at your neck until you settled down. You took a second to catch your breath before sitting up, having to pause for a moment as your head was spinning. Minghao tried to push you to lay back down but you stopped him, “You didn’t finish.”

“Don’t worry about me Angel, I’m more worried about you,” he assured, but you shook your head and pushed him so he was leaning back on his arms.

“Let me help you, I did say I wanted to taste you.” You leaned down and wrapped your fingers around his length, placing a few experimental kisses on the tip. Minghao tried to protest, telling you that it was fine but his words were cut off when you took him into your mouth. His body tensed and he inhaled sharply as you took as much of him in as possible, careful not to gag as you hollowed out your cheeks and began bobbing your head. You could taste yourself on him, but that quickly faded until all your senses could process was Minghao. The way he tasted, the way he smelled, the way his voice sounded as he moaned out praises and encouragement, the way his body tensed whenever you paused to swipe your tongue over his slit. It was intoxicating and you swore you could stay like this forever. Forever didn’t last very long though, as Minghao grabbed your hair to stop your movements, bucking his hips lightly as he released into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moan at the taste, swallowing as much as you could and licking the rest off of him. Minghao shivered at the overstimulation and quickly pulled you off of him, giving you a quick kiss as a thank you.

“You really are something,” he commented, moving to get into bed and pulling you under the covers with him. You immediately snuggled into his chest, wrapping your arm around his waist as he moved to play with your hair. “You are okay though right?” he asked after a moment, “I’m worried I may have gone overboard.” You hum softly and snuggle further into him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. His presence was comforting, and you could feel your heart beating through him, almost as if it was his own. Minghao felt it as well, feeling like you were an extension of his being. Someone he never wanted to let go of, and at least for now he didn’t have to. He knew what this meant, but it wasn’t something he could bring himself to think about right now, wanting to savor the moment instead.

“Hey Hao?” you ask after a moment, “what about that promise you made earlier?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, we’ll talk about it when you’re rested,” he replied.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” You yawned softly, allowing your eyes to close as you realized how tired you had become. You didn’t want to fall asleep, worried he would be gone by the time you woke up. However, your fight to stay awake was in vain and you quickly gave in, hugging Minghao tightly and pressing one last kiss to his cheek.

“I love you Minghao,” you whispered, “I never want to be apart from you again.”

“I love you too darling,” he responded, “and don’t worry, you won’t.” You two would deal with the aftermath of your actions when you woke up. For now you just wanted to enjoy each other's presence for as long as possible.

Seventeen Taglist: @woo8hao @amethyistheart @exfolitae @lexix001

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lazywitchling · 6 months

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Alright, here we go. My review for The Dabbler's Guide to Witchcraft by Fire Lyte

Final rating: ??/10 - it broke my numbers system.

TL;DR - I like the book. I'm angry at the author. It's great for new practitioners. If you're going to get it, please get it from the Spiral House Shop, get Alex Wrekk's two witchcraft zines to go with it, and go look at/reblog/contribute to the original Dabbler's Week project.

(Also I think this is the longest review I've written yet. I'm sorry.)

This book is very good. I'm mad about that. The author is an excellent writer. I'm mad about that. I want to dislike this book but I can't, and I'm mad about that.

So let's get into the breakdown of why.

First up, a housekeeping thing: "Fire Lyte" is a pen name that I don't believe the author uses anymore, so I will be referring to him as Don Martin, the name he is using on his current projects. I know he's on TikTok, formerly of Inciting a Riot podcast, now of Head on Fire podcast.

Second, some links relevant to the review-which-is-actually-just-a-rant:

The breakdown of things I found that were taken uncredited from Tumblr

I COULD be making this up and reading it in bad faith, but this bit about 'heteronormative marriage' has my alarm bells ringing

Why I hate the title of this book

The original Dabbler's Week project links

Anyway.

I picked this book up specifically because of the title. It's been 3 years since it was published, so it took me a while, but I remember looking at that title when it was first out and thinking "Hey... the timing of this... did this person just wholesale lift the 'Dabbler' idea from Tumblr?"

The answer is: Yes, probably!

(He also summarized the Malachite Dick post from February 2020, but he actually credited Tumblr along with relevant usernames, so that's good and also made me laugh.)

But... yeah. The fact that he's crediting Tumblr from something that specifically happened in February 2020, when the original Dabbler's Week was from late January 2020 and seems to have inspired his whole book? Don, would it have killed you to mention ANYTHING about that project and the people involved?

He's very big on talking about following trails of information, listening to podcasts, listening to the podcasts of people talked about on those podcasts, reading books talked about on those podcast, and so on. But if he doesn't start off by saying "Dabbler's Week was a project issued by asksecularwitch on Tumblr", then how is anyone supposed to follow THAT chain of information, hmm? If his whole advice on finding good witchcraft resources is to follow the chain of people who are sharing information from each other, but he makes no mention of where he got the whole idea for his book, then what?

Side rant: I'm real tired of how Tumblr information is simultaneously treated as too shitty to ever bother reading or mentioning, but good enough to screenshot, repost on other sites, recite word-for-word on tiktok, and apparently write a book about.

ANYWAY. I'm angry about it. I'm gonna be angry about it. Here, please look at these links to the shenanigans that began the original Dabbler's Week, because Don certainly won't tell you about this part.

Anyway.

Some bad things:

I mean, the plagiarism. I keep hesitating to use the word 'plagiarism', because to me that seems like wholesale lifting entire works and slapping your name on them, when all Don did was fail to credit a few Tumblr users he quoted. But then again, if I did that on a research paper in college, it would be called plagiarism, so.

This book is in fact not a great guide for 'dabblers'. The point of Dabbler's Week was that if someone didn't know if they wanted to commit to witchcraft but wanted to fuck around with casting some spells for a week to try it out, there were week-long guides on things someone could do to try that. This book is not for fucking around with magic, it's for people who are already sure that they want to make this a thing in their lives. It handles some heavier topics (e.g. vetting mentors and not getting sucked into a cult) that are very very important for someone who is BEGINNING, but may be too much for someone who just says one day "lol I think I'll cast a spell for fun". A far more accurate title would have been "The Beginner's Guide to Witchcraft", but then he'd lose that punchy and marketable and googleable term 'dabbler'. (Yes, I'm going to be petty about this.)

"Wow Jes, it sounds like you really hated this book."

NO I DIDN'T, AND I'M SO MAD ABOUT THAT!

Some good things:

The author has a writing style that I enjoyed very much. This is a personal preference, but I like when books are either written so that the author is fully invisible (Bree Landwalker's books do this wonderfully), or the author is fully visible, like they're sitting at the table having a conversation with you (Kelly-Ann Maddox's 'Rebel Witch' comes to mind, as does Alex Wrekk's 'Brainscan 33: DIY Witchery'). Don Martin is the table conversation kind. That makes this book very easy to read, while also getting information across in an easily-understood sort of way.

This book fills a very necessary gap in modern witching books. It talks about the online community of witches, and a lot of the pitfalls that have come along with the bonuses of having so much witchcraft available at our social-media connected fingertips.

He gets very in depth with things like cultural appropriation. That's something that you can find in a lot of modern witch books, but Don actually spends the time breaking the concept down and explaining WHY it's harmful, HOW it affects people, and quotes people from the affected minority groups. I have seen the appropriation topic come up in a lot of the witch books I've read, but Don is the one who has covered the topic the best, imo.

He spends time on topics that I myself would have been dismissive of. The example that comes to mind is the chapter 'Can I Make Sh*t Up?' My knee jerk reaction was "Yes, you can make your own spells, you don't need to get someone else's permission. Next question." But Don goes through the full breakdown of yes you can make up your own spells, yes you can make your own correspondences, but no that doesn't mean you can just throw a water soluble crystal in your water bottle because you think it's good for cleansing.

Actually on that topic, he covers a lot of the why not just the what. It's not just 'appropriation is bad', it's 'and here's why'. It's not just 'research your herbs', it's 'here's some examples of things that can and have gone wrong.'

SPELL CANVASES! There are 11 'spell canvases' in this book, and they're pretty much all just kids/teens science experiments (e.g. dissolving an egg shell in vinegar, lighting a tea bag on fire so it flies, and using food dye to color a white flower). He does not give intentions for these spells, but gives a spell technique and then some examples of how you could apply your own purpose/intention to it as needed. It's actually pretty smart, and now I wish there was more stuff like this.

He actually explains what UPG means. Man, 'UPG' is one of those things that I keep seeing as a 'I don't know what that means and I'm to afraid to ask' blog post. When someone pops into the witchy social media circles, we can throw the term 'UPG' around as if everyone knows what it means, and forget to actually explain that it's Unverified Personal Gnosis and what that means. Don's got us covered. Good on you, Don.

The one throwaway line about why you don't have to buy fancy witch things. Tucked away in chapter 12 is this almost nothing-sentence mentioning why you shouldn't be "going broke hoping to buy your way into 'effective' magic" (pg. 161). I have seen, reblogged, probably written posts about 'No you don't need the fancy tools! You can just use whatever! But you CAN buy them if you want, you just don't NEED them.' And we've all seen those around, right? But damn, if Don didn't just get to the heart of it. You can't buy your way into skill. YES, Don, THAT!! THANK YOU.

Alright. I'm running out of words. This isn't a review, it's a rant. Holy shit. Let me shut up with a TL;DR

Almost without doubt, Don liked Tumblr's idea enough to write a book about it, but failed to give credit. But he's an excellent writer and covers a lot of topics that are not often written about in printed books, and to get those blogosphere-ideas onto bookshelves is invaluable. This is a good book for beginners starting out in witchcraft, but not for dabblers who just want to screw around with some spells. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Is it ethical to buy a book when the author gets royalties but the bloggers he got the idea from do not? I don't know. I can't tell you that. You'll have to weigh all this against your own moral compass and decide for yourself. My recommendation is that if you're going to buy it, please buy it from the Spiral House Shop, because if Don Martin's going to get paid for this book, Alex Wrekk should too. Buy Alex's zines. Reblog Sec's posts. Links are up at the top.

#jes vs witch books #drama in your llama #navigation: reviews

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meinetranen · 10 months

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A Favor.

18+ MDNI!

Satoru Gojo x female!reader

Summary: In which... Satoru wants you take away his virginity.

Warnings: There's so much stuff going on... um p in the v, unprotected sex (please us protection, this is a fanfic for christs sake), reader is known to be stubborn and grumpy, I guess—titty sucking, nipple play, dry humping, cunnelings, bj, oral (both male and female), fingering, reader is also implied to be a virgin, implied masturbating, reader is insecure, first kiss, squirting, and um... it's pretty chaotic. It's kind of friends with benefits? Reader and Satoru don't end up in the end, but...

(This is the longest thing I've ever written on Tumblr oh my lord.)

You always despised Satoru. Cocky, playful, overly confident, immature, but strategic. You hated all of it.

Why were you friends with him?

You still don't know to this day.

You shared the same class with him, Geto, and Shoko. The four of you grew close, beginning to hang out after school, going to see the movies, or going to nearby cafés to get a pastry.

And having to deal with Satoru always poking at your face, calling you names, and talking on and on just to get a rile out of you—until you eventually yell at him as he raised his arms up in surrender with a sly grin on his face.

You were used to it, and eventually, you started teasing him back, butting at each other's head just to see who could get the other to rile up first.

However, despite all of this, you both grew close, and maybe... a little too close because—

"I want you to take my virginity away," Satoru spoke so casually, standing in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets.

A tint of blush appeared on his cheeks as his crystal-blue eyes glanced away behind his sunglasses, unable to meet your eyes for the first time while pursing his lips together.

Even embarrassed to say those words, why did it sound so confident?

"What...?" It's one word. The only thing you can say at this point as heat rose to your face, and something stirred in your stomach.

Satoru cleared his throat, his short white hair ending just right above his blue eyes—the color of the ocean—the ones you always seemed to mesmerized by.

"I want you..." he took a step forward, and then another as his tall frame towered over you as you sat on the couch. "Y/N..." he continues. "To take my virginity away."

"You're joking..." you scoff, closing your book and setting it down on the table next to you, and his shadow covers your body. "Satoru, you can't say things like that—"

"I'm not joking," he firmly says, grabbing at your shoulders, forcing you to face him fully. "I'm 100% serious this time... and I want you to—of course, with your consent."

Your eyes widened, and his face was flushed with his pink lips in the form of a straight line, and surprisingly, he had a serious expression with his brows furrowed together.

You brushed his hands away, growing nervous by each passing second. "E-Even if I were to give you my consent... why me? Why choose me out of everyone else?"

This makes the sorcerer pause, and he straightens his posture, adjusting his shades. "You want be to be honest, mochi?"

Mochi. That was the nickname he gave you after you ate so many when you were visiting the pastry shop and ended up throwing up in the public restroom.

"I do," you nod, raising a brow.

He sighed. "You know how I'm popular, right?" And there he is... the typical confident bastard.

"Yeah, sure, go on." Rolling your eyes, you shook your head. "Would you just tell me already, dumbass?"

"Alright, alright, such an impatient woman." he raised his arms up in surrender, still holding that sly smirk becore it turns downwards. "Everyone thinks I've lost my virginity when I haven't—and there are people who have, and I just want to know what it feels like—I want to be able to tell me that I've had sex. When I'm older or a few years later, I want to be able to have a hookup without worrying about my virginity without embarrassing myself or doing it so bad."

There's a frown on his pink lips, and you can't help but take a quick glance at them before meeting his blue eyes.

This man...

Shaking your head again, you pinch the bridge of your nose in disbelief. "Satoru... listen to me, losing your virginity isn't even that important. I say you should wait until you get a girlfriend—"

However, Satoru was desperate, and he took a step closer, bending over to reach your level as he grasped at your shoulders—his face inching closer to yours.

"But I don't want to wait, Y/N. I... I trust you—you're the only person who I can trust you with this stuff..." he sighs, and for the first time... he looks so desperate... pleading for something when usually he doesn't have to beg to get something that he wants. "Please... i-if you don't want to... that's fine with me."

Staring at your close friend, you feel shocked, a rush of different emotions. It makes your heart flutter, think what it'd be like... to hook up with Satoru, the "strongest" man in Jujutsu High—or perhaps all of Japan.

It makes dirty thoughts appear in your mind, and you move them back in your head, disgusted and weirded out about it—even if you've thought about them before in your free time...

Though, it still confuses you from why Satoru would want you—out of all people to take his virginity, when he could've chosen anyone else, but he trusts you... and that makes you happy, but you can't help but feel a little nervous.

You've never had sex before, and all you've ever done is masturbated in the comfort of your room, thinking about whatever pleases you, and trying to stay quiet.

So, surely, this was a big step, and you were nervous, almost frightened about what it'd be like to have sex... because he'd have to see you naked... hear your sounds and—you brushed it off, not wanting to make it worse.

"I know you haven't done it either," Satoru adds, and he remembers this after you two got into a deep conversation one night when it was just the two of you hanging out. "And maybe... maybe it's a little better that since we trust each other—know each other, we can experience it, and try it."

Gulping down a lump in your throat, it suddenly felt dry, not knowing that Satoru was able to have an effect on you like this.

You think about it, and it takes you minutes that feel like hours, and you bite the inside of your cheek all the while you and Satoru hold eye contact, and he's too close.

You can practically feel his breath on your face.

"If I agree..." you begin. "You have to promise me something." In return, he nods. "You won't mention this to anyone—not even Suguru. Second, if there's a point where we have to stop... we have to stop, okay? No forcing one another."

Satoru nods and hums to each word you say, and there's a serious look on his face—one that's determined, to say the least.

"I understand. I promise you." with a firm nod, he reaches his pinky out, and you practically roll your eyes as your pinky wraps around his as he smirks.

"Then it's a deal," you said.

"It's a deal," he repeats, smirking slyly as he pulls his hand away. "So, when do you wanna do it?"

You glance away, almost forgetting that you had agreed to something as crazy as this. "Are you free this weekend?"

"Yeah, probably." Standing up straight, he tilts his head to the side, placing one hand inside of his pocket. "I think I can figure out a way to get the Elders off my back."

"Unbelievable," you scoff.

"What?" he grins in return. "Disappointed we can't do it so soon?"

"Satoru, if you don't shut up, I'm going to smack the shit out of you," you warn, glaring at him.

"Oh, please. I'd like to see you try," he teases. "It's not like you can get past my infinity either way."

"Have you even gotten the hang of it yet?" you retort, sitting up straight, and when he pouts, you have your answer. "Thought so."

"Alright, mochi," Satoru sighs. "Okay, does this Friday work for you at around... 6:30 pm?"

"Yes..." you reply. "Whose house...?"

"You okay with mine?" he smirks, and you want to punch it off his face.

You look away. "I guess."

The smirk on Satoru's face remains, and he takes a quick run through of your body before meeting your eyes.

"I'll see you then."

The day arrives, and you can't help but feel anxious while tugging on the collar of your school uniform, clenching your handbag tighter.

Ringing the doorbell, you tap the food, wanting to get things over with, but flashes of possibilities appear in your head, making your heart race.

Stop thinking about it, damn it... you think in your head, hearing the distant sounds of the tress ruffling in the background.

The door opens, revealing Satoru in his school uniform as well, rubbing the back of his head, not knowing who it was until he looked up, grinning at you like a madman.

"So you really are willing to do it, huh, mochi?" he leans against the doorframe.

"Shut up," you grumble, putting your attention on something else. "May I come in?" he steps aside, signaling for you to do so.

Inside, you took off your shoes, lining them by the front door before sliding on some slippers Satoru had given you as the two of you walk further into his house.

You've been to his house a couple of times. He lived by himself, but he had a few staff members. It was by the Elders that gave him this home, and it was a traditional Japanese house. It wasn't too big, but it was a nice house to live in luxury in.

So, Satoru was mostly alone.

"Where is the staff?" you ask, looking around in the hallways, and find it quiet by the way your footsteps hit against the wood.

"I let them go home early." Satoru looked over his shoulder, another smug expression on his face. "I thought it would be better if we were alone."

You rolled your eyes. "How wonderful."

However, you realized you both weren't going to his bedroom immediately but instead went into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

It was confusing, but it sent a relief towards you.

"I thought we could do something instead of getting straight to it," Satoru said, raising his arms and setting them on the top of the couch and manspreading his legs.

You couldn't help but take a quick glance.

"Oh, really, why?" you snapped your head back from your thoughts, leaning back on the couch with your hands together in your lap.

"'Cause you're nervous." the white-haired man points at your hands, and you look down, seeing that they were shaking.

"Curse your Six Eyes," you mutter. "But aren't you nervous?"

He stays silent for a moment. "I am, a little, but at least you're here with me for it." He nudged your shoulder.

"Oh, I'm so flattered." you can't believe him at this point, but then again, you can't believe everything.

Satoru chuckles, grabbing the remote off of the coffee table and turning on the TV. "What movie do you wanna watch? Or you wanna watch a romance film?"

He wiggled his brows, a cheeky smile on his face.

"No," you plainly said. "Let's just watch a regular TV show."

Grabbing the remote from him, you switched the channels until you landed on a familiar TV show called Sailor Moon.

"I guess we're watching this then." you let out a deep sigh, leaning back on the couch.

"Alright then," he chuckles.

About a few minutes into the film, you and Satoru eventually cuddle. You rested your head on his shoulder with his free arm wrapping around your frame.

The characters talk in the background, and it's loud with the TV sound bouncing off the walls, echoing throughout the home.

Yet, you find yourself staring at Satoru, glancing at him a couple of times, admiring his features. His cold-blue eyes focused on the screen behind his shades, and his short white hair stopped right above his eyes.

When you'd look away, it was Satoru's turn to look at you. He knew that you were taking several glances at him, and he'd put on a grin, but there were butterflies in his stomach.

He examined every beauty mark, freckle, or scar on your face, and watched how you slightly tilt your head to the side when watching the kids show. It made his lips curl upwards a little, seeing how focused you were—biting your lip in the meantime.

Until, both of your eyes met a couple of times, and this time, you held it, glancing down to each other's lips and then back to one another's eyes.

Suddenly, Satoru inched closer, and so were you as your hands slid up his shoulders—removing his sunglasses to take a better view of his eyes as he smiled by your actions.

For the first time, his lips are on yours, and one of his hands cupped your face, tracing the skin under your eye as you closed your eyes.

The least to say was that it was an okay kiss, but there was some practice that could've been done.

"How was that?" Satoru whispers, and there's blush on his cheeks. This was a rare scene.

"Part your lips a little," you reply, noses brushing.

Taking your advice, Satoru went down again, meeting your lips as he parted his just like you said. The kiss wasn't soft or quick anymore—it was longer, passionate as you pulled each other closer, not wanting to let go.

One of his hands rested on your thigh, boldly climbing upwards to the edge of your skirt, and he was bold enough to lick your lips before sliding his tongue in, colliding with yours.

Both of you were breathing raggedly—the kiss growing heated and tense in just a few minutes after getting the hang of it.

Satoru's hand slid up under your skirt, but you quickly stepped him, pulling away.

"What's the matter?" he took your chin between his fingers, forcing you to face him.

"I'm nervous," you say.

"I know."

"Yeah, but..." you exhaled through the nose, closing your eyes before opening them. "I'm nervous you won't like the way my body looks... I'm nervous that you won't like it—that you'll be disgusted or—"

Satoru interrupts you with a kiss, and when he pulled away, he was smirking.

"Y/N, I don't think I'll ever be disgusted by you, ever." He caressed your cheek. "You're pretty, and every time I look at you... I'm glad my Six Eyes can take in every little detail about you... 'cause then I know what you like—" he dipped down, whispering in your ear "—and knowing which area on your body is blocked off to others, but knowing I was the one man that saw it once."

Your breath hitched.

So, you let his hand travel under your skirt, meeting the lace of your panties—and you made sure to wear a matching set for this—and you could see his eyes growing wide a little. He was also in disbelief.

Leaning down, Satoru's lips grazed over your neck, and they tickled your skin, making you shudder slightly.

No wonder they called it the sweet spot.

"Can I touch you more?" he whispers into your ear.

"Yes... please." you tilt your head back, staring at the ceiling.

Satoru couldn't help but grin at your desperate needs, and he trailed kissing down your neck. He removed his hand from under your skirt and went to your breasts—squeezing them through your uniform.

A faint moan escapes your lips, biting on the bottom part. Your hands squeezed his shoulders in return, and enjoyed this new sense of pleasure.

"Does it feel nice?" Satoru asks against your neck, and his hand fondled your breast a little harder.

"Y-Yes..." you reply, breathing labord.

Gently, he pushes you down on the soft cushions, hovering above you, and leans back—taking a second to examine yourself.

Your lips were a little swollen, and his thumb brushed over it, making his own lips part. Your eyes—half-lidded, masking behind a look of desire and satisfaction.

"Look at you..." he whispers seductively. "So needy. I never knew I could have such an effect on you, mochi."

That bastard. One minute, he was blushing, showing a bit of vulnerability, and now here he was, smirking down upon you with pride filling up at his chest.

Of course, you couldn't admit that he was right about this. You can't deny the heat crawling in your inner thighs, how your pussy throbs, and your walls clench around nothing.

All because of Satoru.

"Don't go over your head," you murmur, and he grabs at your hips.

He laughs lightly. "But you can't resist me."

His lips crash against yours again, and your arms sneak around his torso, running his chest atop of yours.

In need of friction, you grind your hips against his, and it makes him groan in response—beginning to do the same thing as he met your hips in return, grinding his growing erection against your clothed core.

Satoru's fingers touch the buttons to the top of your uniform, and begin undoing each one as his hands shake a little.

Removing the top, he throws it onto the tatami mat, and his eyes are transfixed by the sight of your bar upper body—your bra, the only item covering your breasts.

"You're so much prettier like this," he praises, kissing your lips.

His hands went to both of your breasts, squeezing them, and you moaned in response as your fingers played with the buttons to his uniform, unbuttoning each piece as the material slid off his body—down to the floor.

His upper body was exposed in all its glory, and the tip of your fingers traced over the lines of his muscles as his biceps flexed by your touch as he squeezed your breasts.

"Like what you see?" Satoru smirked.

You roll your eyes. "Don't ruin the moment."

"Fine by me," he murmured against your lips, and his fingers went to the back of your bra, playing with the clip of your bra, but struggling.

"You need help?" you cocked a brow.

"No—" he grunted, trying again. "I almost have—"

You raised a hand up to stop him dead in his tracks, and he listened. You take your fingers in yours, guiding them to the clip or your bra and helping him remove it as the straps fell off your shoulders, sliding down to expose your breasts.

You looked away, trying to hide them, but Satoru quickly stopped you, pulling your hands away to get a better look at your breasts.

"You look more beautiful like this," he murmurs, leaning his head down as his hot breath trickled your breasts.

Suddenly, Satoru captured one nipple into his mouth, sucking on the bud as a moan leaves your lips, grabbing a fistful of his white hair that made him groan in response.

"Fuck..." you whimper, grinding your clothed pussy against his crotch again for friction, and he moaned, moving with yours.

His free hand toyed with your other nipple, pinching, and fondling with the flesh as he peers up at you, admiring your reactions.

It didn't last long when Satoru's lips pulled away from your nipple, making a "pop" sound. Instead, he trailed his lips down to your stomach, right above your belly button.

The sensation of his lips tickled your skin when he made contact—and you knew immediately where he was trying to go.

A soft gasp escapes your lips, squirming beneath him—forcing him to pull back.

"What's the matter?" he asked, grinning. "Ah, you're sensitive, are you?"

"Shut up," you grumble.

"You know—" Satoru grabbed your waist, holding you down securely as his lips moved down right above the hem of your skirt. "—despite being all grumpy and stubborn... you're sensitive... and now I wonder how you're gonna react when I my lips reach your pussy."

Your eyes widened, and you covered your face with your hands in embarrassment in an attempt to hide away.

He chuckles at that. "Thought so."

Grabbing the hem of your skirt, the white-haired man tugs it down, taking his time as the material slides off of your body before discarding it onto the floor with the rest.

In full view, he gazed down at your damped panties, seeing the wet spot that formed on the fabric by his doings.

In embarrassment, you closed your legs, but Satoru grabbed at them, forcing them open.

"Nuh-uh, open those pretty legs," he smirks, bringing his face back to your level.

His hand snakes over your thigh as he holds your gaze, feeling successful by the sight of your eyes glancing away or the sight of embarrassment and shyness plastered on your face—the complete opposite of your grumpiness.

"Have you tried touching yourself?" as Satoru asks this, his fingers play with the edge of your panties, slowly tugging them down.

You spare him a glance, wondering why he would ask such a thing, and you didn't respond.

"Don't make me repeat myself, angel." Angel. That was new. "Have you tried touching yourself?"

You nod. "Yes."

"Tell me, what do you like." It wasn't a question. It was a demand.

His fingers slipped under your panties, meeting your dripping cunt, and you gasped, gripping at his shoulders.

In the past, sometimes you and Satoru would have sex conversations about random stuff. About different parts of males and females—things that give them pleasure.

So, safe to say, Satoru knew where those things were on a woman's body—but he needed someone to guide him—such as yourself.

Bringing a hand down, you take his thumb, pressing it against your clitoris—and just from the light pressure made your breath hitch. You can't believe you needed Satoru this bad.

"Put some pressure on it..." you state, and he holds your gaze. "And rub it gently—not too fast."

Satoru listens, and his thumb does what you say, and his cold-blue eyes watch your reactions the entire time.

You gasp and faintly moan. It felt nice—wonderful, and Satoru was doing a good job (shockingly), and it was satisfying—feeding into your needs with your eyes wide.

Satoru leaned down, capturing your lips with his, and he swallows up the sweet sounds you make as his tongue collides with yours.

Getting an idea, his thumb continues rubbing against your sensitive bud as his finger rubs between your wet folds—making you moan. So, he inserts a finger.

Gasping, you arch your back, moaning in response, and the feeling of your gummy walls clenching around his finger excites him.

"How many fingers can you take?" he murmurs against your lips.

"T-Two..." you reply, but it'll hurt a little from being stretched out even from that.

Satoru slides in a second finger, pumping them in and out of your dripping pussy, and your nails dug into his shoulders.

"Curl your fingers a little—" you pant, and again, he listens, making you cry out in pleasure. "Fuck—"

He kissed your cheek, his fingers pumping in and out of at a steady pace with them curled. He placed a little more pressure on your clitoris, and it leaves you squirming.

His lips grazed over your ear as he whispered, "You make such pretty sounds. I wonder what you'll sound like when I have my cock inside that tight pussy of yours."

The way he was talking to you sent a new sense of pleasure down your core. He had never talked to you this way before and... it turned you on. It made your walls clamp down around him more.

It made you go into your fantasies... wondering how it would feel like with Satoru inside of you, fucking in and out of you with his sounds right against your ear.

All these thoughts... the pleasure grew within you, and soon enough—

"Satoru, I'm—!" you gasp. the pleasure washes over your entire body, leaving you trembling and panting heavily as you arch your back, pressing your chest against his.

Satoru raised his brows at the sight of you, moaning in pleasure when you orgasm, and he enjoyed the sight.

He wanted to see that again.

Over and over—

Again.

He pulled his fingers out, examining your juices sticking between his digits as he grinned, seeing how they glistened under the dimlight.

"How'd I do?" he pulls his attention back to you.

"Better than I expected," you nod, catching your breath.

Sitting up, Satoru helps you, resting his hand on the small of your back.

However, something caught your eye. Looking down at Satoru's crotch, you saw his growing bulge, and your eyes widened at the sight.

He was big.

Satoru notices this. "You can touch it if you want," and despite him grinning, his cheeks have a tint of blush.

"What?" you snap your head back at him.

"You heard me." he leaned down, his breath hot on your face.

Gulping down a lump in your throat, your hand hesitantly touched his bulge, using your palm to squeeze it gently.

Satoru responds with a groan. "Shit..."

You never expected this, but you undid his belt, sliding it off as the metal clanked when hitting the floor, and unzipped his pants.

You didn't realize how much you were shaking when you looked down at your hands.

Sliding off his pants—including his boxers, you gaze down, eyes growing wide at the sight of his cock sprung free.

He was 6.5 inches at least, and fairly thick—but not too thick, and his pink tip was leaking with pre-cum.

It made your mouth water.

You were about to reach your hand out when you stopped yourself. "Can I...?"

He nods. "Go ahead."

Your hand wrapped around his length, your thumb brushing over his tip as the pre-cum sticked to your digit as you began pumping him up and down.

"Fuck..." Satoru pants out, squinting his eyes as he bit his bottom lip.

Taking your other free hand, he moves it to his balls and makes you squeeze them gently.

Listening to his wishes, you squeeze his balls a little harder while pumping his hard cock up and down, slowly picking up the pace, but not too fast.

"Just like that... good girl," he praises, and something inside of you shuddered at the way he called you that.

He leaned down, kissing you passionately as your hands kept working, panting heavily into his mouth.

Pulling away, you kissed his neck, hearing him sigh in satisfaction before lowering your head down.

"What're you—" Satoru doesn't finish his question when he moans once your warm tongue licked his tip and tasted his pre-cum.

Slowly, you open your mouth wider, taking in his cock, bobbing your head up and down, and feeling his tip hitting the back of your throat.

Your saliva ran down his length, and Satoru's fingers grasped at your hair, pulling on the strands as he helped guide you take his cock in your mouth.

Sucking him off, your hand also fondled with his balls like he said earlier and peered up at him.

He looked so pretty. His face flushed pink, and his lips part, breathing heavily as he met your eyes, looking so vulnerable and flushed.

You tried to take on how full length without gagging, and when he did, he praised, "Atta girl, what a good girl." You don't know why or how, but when he praised you like that it made your pussy turn into a waterfall.

Pulling away for breath, you gasp, saliva trailing down your chin as your eyes met.

"Good girl," Satoru praised again, grabbing your chin as he leaned down to kiss you, getting a taste of himself.

"How'd I do?" your breath was short.

"Really good," he nods. "Never knew a girl Iike you could do such a thing."

"Oh, really?" you cocked a brow. "I never knew a boy like you could even a girl an orgasm."

"But I did," he firmly replies, smirking. "I gave you, angel, one. In exactly under five minutes."

Damn it, he was right.

"I bet you can't even make me squirt," you huff, looking away.

Satoru blushed, and for a moment, he was thinking about it before he said—

"I bet I can."

You snap your head back in his direction. "You couldn't."

Out of the blue, Satoru pushed you to lay down back on the couch, grabbing at your hips as you yelp with his grip pulling you towards him.

"Oh, I think I really can." he lowers his head down, and before you could say anything else, he licks his tongue between your lips.

Spiders crawl at your skin, and you hitched in a gasp. Immediately, you squeezed your thighs around his head, trying to somehow push him away from embarrassment, but—

"Don't even," he purred, forcing your legs apart as he brought your knees to rest on his shoulders. "I want you to spread your legs for me."

Parting his lips, he sucked on your clitoris, and you moaned, arching your back.

He inserts two fingers inside of you again, curdling them like you said. He remembered those past sex conversations you two would have—and he recalled you mentioning a "g-spot," and so, he made his fingers brush over it.

Doing this, your jaw agapes, crying out in pleasure as your hand lowers down to his white strands of hair, tugging on the soft locks.

He licked your juices, humming in satisfaction. His blue eyes peered over at you, watching your pleasure face of rapture. His nose brushed against your clitoris, and he couldn't get enough.

"You taste so sweet..." Satoru groans quietly, closing his eyes for a moment, focusing on his fingers moving in and out you—curling against your g-spot. "You look so fucking beautiful when I eat your pussy... I should do this more often 'cause you become so soft for me..."

I should do this more often.

Satoru wanted to do it again with you. It made you a little surprised nonetheless, but it excited in you in some way. Not just how he pleasures you—but also by his words.

You never knew Satoru could say such dirty, sensual things, but you didn't mind. It was amusing, and it made your stomach flutter.

"Wait, 'Toru—" you breathe passionately, and there's an unknown feeling growing in your stomach that you've never felt before.

It felt like you needed to... pee?

"'Toru!" you exclaim in pleasure, and without knowing, that pleasure releases as you squirt right in front of Satoru.

Gasping, you look down in embarrassment, and around Satoru's lips, mouth, and some parts of his cheeks were covered in your essence with his eyes slightly wide.

Heat created up to your face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't— you were cut off.

"Don't be embarrassed," he gave you a reassuring smile that turned to a grin. "I told you I could do it."

You glance away, still embarrassed.

"In fact..." Satoru grasps at your hips, pulling your dripping cunt closer to his face. "Give me one more, angel. You can do that for me, can't you?"

Before you could protest; his mouth is back on your wet pussy.

☆☆☆

After reaching your release for the third time, Satoru finally pulls away.

The both of you were panting heavily, coming out in short breaths as you met one anothers gaze after the whole ordeal.

Your pussy was puffy, and you felt exhausted.

"Had enough?" you breathe out, unable to move on the couch.

Satoru chuckles. "Yeah, of this..."

He leans down, his lips brushing over yours, grasping at your hips with his thumb tracing circles on the bone.

"You ready?"

Oh.

You raise your brows, and you feel as if your heart is about to burst out of your chest in any given moment.

You were going to lose your virginity.

To Satoru Gojo.

And he would lose his virginity.

To you.

Nodding, your throat feels dry, gulping down your saliva to help moisture it. "Yeah, I guess I am. Are you, at least?"

"Yeah," Satoru nods, looking deeply into your eyes, as if trying to see into your soul. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yes," you firmly reply. "I mean, we've already come this far... so why stop now? And you...?"

He chuckles softly. "You're right. I'm ready."

Satoru presses his body weight more on top of you, his forehead leaning against yours as you hold eye contact. His hands hold your hip and thigh, trying to soothe you.

"You told me it hurts a little at first, right?" he questions, recalling what you've told him before in past conversations.

"Correct," you nod. "Go slow."

"I will," he whispers.

Grasping at his cock, Satoru lines the tip at your entrance, giving you one last look to check on your approval, and you do. You nod.

Slowly, he slides the tip of his cock in, and you gasp, holding his shoulders.

Groaning, you squint your eyes, and your short breaths tangle with his as you look into each other's eyes, taking in the moment that's happening in both of your lives.

Tears blur your vision. It did hurt. "I-I can't—"

"You can do it, angel," Satoru encourages, and he pushes further inside of you as you gasp and groan in both pain and pleasure. "You can do it—shit..."

He pushes in farther, and he's already fully in. You feel so tight and warm around his cock, and he doesn't want to pull out.

"Can I move?" he queried, kissing your cheek.

You nod, clinging to him.

Again, slowly, Satoru begins thrusting in and out of you, and it felt so good—he wondered how and why it felt so... wonderful. Why hadn't he done it earlier?

A faint moan leaves your lips, and the pleasure overpowers the pain as your pussy is stretched out by his thick cock.

He moans along with you, and you hold each other's gaze for the whole time, moving as one as Satoru begins to quicken his pace, grasping at your hips.

Your nails dug in his back, and he groans, meeting your lips into a fiery kiss as your sweet sounds mixed with his.

"'Toru..." you whimper, closing your eyes.

"You're taking me so well..." Satoru praises, placing multiple kisses on your lips and then your neck. "Such a good girl—so tight."

You take one of your hands off his back, cupping his face to meet his crystal-blue eyes.

But something appears in your head.

"Satoru..." you call out, narrowing your eyes. "Did you put on a condom?"

This makes his eyes widen, and he doesn't stop his thrusts. He looks down, watching his cock moving in and out you—covered in your juices with no protection on.

"Nope," he simply says, and he gives you a smile.

"Satoru!" you scold. "I'm not even on birth control."

He grins, kissing your jaw. "It's okay. I'll pull out."

"You better—fuck!" you wail in pleasure when he suddenly thrusts deeper into you—his tip hitting against your cervix.

The conversation is dropped, and the two of you focus on the pleasure of intimacy.

You grasp at his back again, your nails clawing at his back, but he doesn’t seem to mind by his hisses of satisfaction, thrusting faster into you.

Both of your bodies are covered in sweat, and your skin rubs and sticks to one another's as the sound of your juices squelch from his cock going in and out of you.

The pleasure builds inside you again, spreading all over your body as you scream his name, reaching your orgasm as you cum on his cock.

"I love it when you scream my name," Satoru whispers, biting on your earlobe.

It doesn't take long for him as well as he starts pounding into you harder with desperate needs as his abs flex, and he holds your hips hard.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum—" in time, Satoru pulls out, cumming on your stomach as the white, thick liquid rests on your abdomen.

Satoru plops on top of you, and you both breathe heavily. You both stay still, unable to move after your actives that must've been... more than a few hours at this point.

"How do you feel?" you're breathless, combing your fingers through his white hair.

He enjoys your touch, resting his head on your chest as he sighs. "Amazing. It felt so good—you felt so good."

You chuckle. "Yeah, it was amazing. I... oh my god."

"What?" he lifts his head up to look at you, cocking a brow.

"I can't believe I lost my virginity to you, Satoru Gojo," you say in disbelief.

He laughs loudly. "I know you don't regret it, and I don't regret losing mine to you."

It's silent for a moment, and you hold each other's gaze, wondering what the other was thinking, but the two of you agree on—

"You down for another round?" Satoru smirks.

"Yeah," you smile.

You and Satoru are in a nearby pharmacy after the two of you finish hours and hours of sex, and it's already past midnight.

Your legs are still shaking.

Walking around the pharmacy, you stroll between aisles, looking for birth control and a few condoms that Satoru can wear—instead of forgetting to buy one or even use one—

"¥7,419.30 ($50) for birth control??" you quietly exclaim, turning to look at Satoru in shock.

"Hmm?" he takes his hand out of his pockets, taking the item in his hold while examining the piece behind his shades, chuckling. "Guess the world wants women to have children, huh?"

You roll your eyes. "I guess... I don't want to pay that much for plan b... God, I guess I have to."

Before you could walk to the cashier, Satoru grabs your wrist, pulling you flush against his chest as he stares down at you.

"I'll tell you what," he begins. "I'll pay for condoms and plan b... if you promise to hook up with me again."

Your eyes widened, and you thought you would never do this again with Satoru. You only thought it was just for him to lose his virginity—but maybe he was pussy drunk—?

He did love your pussy the moment he licked and fingered it the first time.

"Deal," you smile, nodding in agreement.

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stealingyourbones · 10 months

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Ask the writer ask game! Tagged by @gremlin-bot

1.) how many works do you have on ao3?

2.) what’s your total ao3 word count?

50k!

3.) what fandoms do you write for?

Primarily DPxDC but I enjoy writing DC and I greatly enjoy writing D&D campaigns!

4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Falling in Love (In the Most Literal Sense)

Short DPxDC Prompts

I've Grown a Mouth So Sharp and Cruel (It's All That I Can Give To You)

What the Hell?! (UP FOR ADOPTION)

Dream of a Peaceful Slumber

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I’m simply too busy with my tumblr to respond to people on ao3. If I try to focus on more than one website at a time I’ll lose my mind 😅. I promise I Look at each and every one!

6.) what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

There’s a sander sides fic i wrote like 8 years ago that had all of the sides get slowly and very brutally murdered one by one in hella graphic detail. I was trying to experiment with descriptors and visuals at that time. Definitely that one. I don’t think it’s on ao3 but it’s somewhere on my old Wattpad account

7.) what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely Falling In Love (In The Most Literal Sense) or an unpublished eldritch smut horror DeadOnMain fic that’s forever staying in WIP hell. Falling In Love first and foremost has an ending, secondly they get along and it’s cute :)

8.) do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I occasionally get questions or criticism on my tumblr but that’s either advice or someone wanting answers and that isn’t hate.

9.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have tried my hand at smut before. Mostly smutty scenes with kinda sorta fade to black, solely because I’m terrible at painting a mental picture for the reader so it always flows terribly. I’ve written that eldritch DeadOnMain thing as I said previously, and some of Jason’s matches Malone persona OF ideas.

10.) do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one?

Somewhere in my WIPs there is a homestuck AU DPxDC fic where DP kids are the humans and DC folks (primarily the teen titans) are the trolls. Definitely that one.

11.) have you ever had a fic stolen?

No fics but I’ve been sent asks that are word for word one of my prompts. I just delete those and go on with my day. Idk I don’t have a tiktok and someone’s probably imitating me on there with my prompts so possibly????

12.) have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13.) have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes!! I’ve Grown A Mouth So Sharp And Cruel (It’s All That I Can Give To You My Dear) (eventually I’ll get around to working on it I have so much stuff going on like preparing to move and finals creeping up aUGH)

14.) what’s your all time fav ship?

Ooooo It’s a solid tie between Kon/Tim and Dave/Karkat. One is my current favorite and the other is one that’s been my favorite ship for the longest time.

15.) what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have a WIP in my files that’s a DPxDC Dash/Danny fic where Dash is a bomb disposal tech and Danny just moved into Gotham. I have the entire outline written and almost a solid chapter done but I heavily doubt I’ll have the motivation to touch it again.

16.) what are your writing strengths?

I don’t think I have any, (I haven’t written a full length fic in so long I can’t really tell 😅) but I’m very good at setting tone. Idk what do y’all think?

17.) writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. 100% dialogue. It always feels clunky and unconversational whenever I read it back. I swear the second I start writing talking I forget how conversations work.

18.) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I’d probably throw a simple word here in there of the other language if I’m writing a bilingual speaker or ask a pal to help me with translations because I only know English and I know damn well that friends are better translators than google.

19.) first fandom you wrote for?

Sander Sides! I wrote a solid 500ish prompts for that fandom and like 70k worth of fics. It was what got me into writing and for that I’m so very glad.

20.) Fav fic you’ve ever written?

Definitely my Batman mermaid au. I love it to bits and I’m so proud of the designs and I’m always kinda sad that I’m the only one as enthused about this work as I am. None the less I reread it at least every 3 months and it always makes me smile doing so.

Ooo who to tag… @chromatographic @halfagone @susiron

#ask game #bones speaks #bones replies #feel free to ask me about any of these :D

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ordinaryschmuck · 1 year

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Why I Love The Owl House-Part One: The Characters

Salutations, random people on the internet who are already skimming past this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Back in 2018, when The Owl House was announced, I didn't think much of it. I looked at the teaser poster and knew that it would be a show that would gain a following, but I didn't think it'd appeal to me specifically. Then, in January 2020, just before the world made an oopsie, I saw that Disney Channel uploaded the show's first episode on YouTube. Having finished my homework and studying at the time and having nothing better to do, I clicked it out of morbid curiosity to gain a first impression of this series. And I'm not kidding when I say that the second the episode ended, I said, out loud, to myself, "I think I just found my new obsession for the next few years."

Yeah, I went from thinking the show wouldn't exactly be my thing to being obsessed with it. And obsessed I was! I wrote fan fiction and reviews and even drew a handful of fan art you are NOT allowed to look up due to how bad it is. The Owl House, with no exaggeration, also changed my life as it gave me quite a decent following on Tumblr for thoughts and stories I've crafted regarding the show and even gave me a new friend or two to share those same thoughts and ideas together. One of my closest online friends is someone who once reached out to me as a proofreader for a fic I wrote once upon a time, and I probably wouldn't have talked to them if not for The Owl House. I owe so much to this series that I adore that to explain what makes it so great...can't be done with a single review. I even considered writing a long review after Season One ended but gave up on the idea after realizing there's so much to talk and praise about the series. And that was with Season ONE! That was before Season Two made the show more spectacular in nearly every conceivable way!

So, yeah, we're gonna have to do this in parts, each dedicated to a specific theme. However, before we discuss THIS review's theme, I should get one thing out of the way: I'm not just going to praise The Owl House in every single review. There are problems to be had with the show, and I can't ignore them because the praises are stronger. I love The Owl House. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't. But it's because I love it that I have to point out problems as they come because to truly love something means to take the bad with the good. And while there's a lot of good, there's still some bad worth mentioning.

With that said, let's finally begin by discussing the backbone of any series: The characters. And BOY, does The Owl House have a LOT of great, well-written characters, to the point where I initially considered that there wasn't a bad one in the bunch...I say initially because I finally woke up to how much I despise Tibbles (Yeah, wait until we get to him). Although, know that while discussing characters, we're not talking about one-offs like Bria and her lackeys in "Through the Looking Glass Ruins" or ones who weren't named in the show, like Amelia and Cat. We're focusing strictly on frequent players and fun side characters that nail the short time they appear. And we're also going in order from my least favorite to my most favorite. And just know that this is in order based on how good they are as CHARACTERS and not as PEOPLE. There’s a difference, and I’ll be able to explain as I go.

Now, without further ado, let's begin this wild journey together with the worst character in the series.

(Also, be warned, this is going to be the LONGEST post you’ll ever read. The Google Doc is 33 pages long…)

Tibbles: Yeah, really no contest here.

Tibbles is, quite frankly, the only character that I consider inadequate. I get the idea the writers were going for: He's a secondary antagonist for lighter adventures amongst heavier ones. The problem is that type of character does not function for a show like The Owl House, a series where the writers were told they'd be cut for time while working on Season Two and having little time for lighter tales. Maybe if the show had enough room for twenty more adventures or if The Owl House had a slight lean toward episodic misadventures like Amphibia, Tibbles might have functioned better as a comedic villain that occasionally screws with the main characters for filler. But because The Owl House has so much to do and would eventually become a series with no time to do it, Tibbles becomes more annoying when he distracts from the plot. Fortunately, he's only in three episodes. Unfortunately, Tibbles never becomes as entertaining as he could have been. He has one good capitalism joke, and that's all the good I can say about Tibbles. Let's move on…

Jacob: Another secondary antagonist that would have worked better if the show had more time. Maybe make him a constant threat (read: annoyance) to Vee or the rest of the Hexsquad while they're stuck on Earth. Instead, he's nothing more than a one-and-done threat who makes a singular cameo in the best episode of the series ("Thanks to Them"). At least Jacob being a crackpot conspiracy theorist is kind of funny. Otherwise, he'd be lower than Tibbles.

Perry Porter: He has next to NO character. Barely even a scrap.

He’s the father of one of our primary characters, and Perry has NOTHING going for him other than that and being a reporter. At least he’s not annoying.

The BATs: Yeah, might as well lump these three together because they started off making you think they'd do SOMETHING, only to have very little to do with the plot, with only one of them having a definite personality (It's Amber, and I love her).

Katya's kind of fun as this weird fanfic writer who has a hint of appreciation of showmanship, given how she very clearly wrote Raine's speech. But then you also have Derwin, who's so forgettable that I know for a fact that you had to Google his name to remember who Derwin is. These three are a mixed bag of sometimes being fun yet forgettable, to the point where I don't blame the writers for forgetting their existence when it came to the rest of the series. A shame, really, because there could have been something interesting to explore with this secret resistance organized by Eda's ex. The problem is, just like Tibbles, there's not enough time for characters like the BATs to flourish. They're missed potential, sure, but that doesn't make them bad. Just less than remarkable members of this very extensive cast.

Gilbert and Harvey Park: Have slightly more personality than Perry with Gilbert having more of a playful and laidback side to him and Harvey being the more serious and worried of the two. You can see glimpses of this through the little details like Willow falling onto Gilbert in that swinging memory in “Understanding Willow.” Gilbert laughs with Willow while Harvey looks a little worried. That’s sweet. They balance each other out.

Also, they’re gay, and gay characters are always better. It’s why they’re a step above the BATs. NEXT!

Warden Wrath: He has the same problem with Tibbles and Jacob, where Warden Wrath is a secondary antagonist in a show that doesn't really have the time for him to be as effective as he COULD be. What makes him BETTER is that Wrath is at least funny. Like, the man chopped off Eda's head and then asked her out. That's humor, baby.

Also, he's a good dad to Braxus, so...you know.

Though I will admit, I'm surprised how little a role Wrath played in the show. In "A Lying Witch and a Warden," he gave off main antagonist energy with his look and menacing demeanor. Turns out he's just a throwaway character, and that's for the best. He doesn't overstay his welcome, never distracts from the plot, and has a few hilarious lines and moments. Not the strongest threat or character, but decent's good enough for me.

Kikimora: I might be the only person who doesn't hate this little gremlin, and even I have to admit she's not that great.

Don't get me wrong, I adore how insane she acts and how obsessive she can be in wanting to beat Hunter, specifically. She has a lot of fun moments and, weirdly, looks adorable when not wearing a cone of shame. She has her fun moments...but fun enough to be a recurring antagonist throughout the series? To the point where the characters have boss fights with her in three prominent episodes?

I...don't think so. I like Kiki just fine, but only in spades. Her voice can get grading after a while, and you do get sick of her obsession with the Emperor's coven given time. She's at least funnier than Wrath, though. I will ALWAYS stand by that. But that's not enough to get her higher.

Adrian Graye: He's yet another secondary antagonist that would have benefited from more time...I'm noticing a theme here.

Eh. Either way, this guy's great. His whole schtick is being a bad and nitpicky director, and that's funny to me. It's what I would expect from the head of the Illusions Coven, who are witches best defined as ones with a sense of showmanship. Some might find Adrian annoying, which...yeah, he's kind of intended to be. But I get it. Not everyone would laugh at this guy as much as I do, and that's okay. Comedy is subjective, after all. My only complaint with Adrian is that we don't see more of him. He's too fun of a villain with an equally entertaining concept to be wasted as a one-and-done antagonist that resorted to only cameos in the future. Still, if the worst I can say about a character is that I want more of them, is that actually a problem?

Tinella Nosa: Also known as Dana Terrace's self-insert. She's used primarily for comedy, and thank goodness for that. I don't know if I would have appreciated this character as much as I did if Tinella was best friends with the main cast or had some stake in the plot. In fact, the one plot and subplot that feature Tinella in a prominent role was some of the worst the show has ever had. Thankfully, she's mostly a character for random comedic bits, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Barcus: Another character whose primary purpose is to be funny. At least Barcus is a dog that radiates stoner energy, giving him a ton more bonus points.

Braxxus: ALSO a comedic character, but is only better because the joke's funnier. I mean, Braxxus is just a character who's a little toddler that looks and sounds disturbing. How can you NOT laugh at that?

Eberwolf The Huntsman: Quick aside: Was anyone going to tell me that Eberwolf was apparently a man, or was I supposed to find that out for myself? I mean, shame on me for assuming genders, I guess...But I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one on that.

Anyways, Eberwolf is fine. In the short time he's in the show, Eberwolf offers great humor by being this feral little rascal that primarily annoys Darius. Not much to say other than that, and I doubt having more time would benefit Eberwolf. He really does scream "Comedy Relief" to me, and sometimes being entertaining is enough. Not everyone needs depth.

Boscha: Speaking of depth, I will forever stand by my claim that Boscha worked better as a one-dimensional bully than a three-dimensional one. Sure, three-dimensional bullies can be interesting because it leads to us learning why they do their harsh acts and that there are reasons why they're bad kids...However, that's why we have Amity. And for a redeemable bully like HER to work, you need an irredeemable one to show up to prove that not every little s**t can be better with time. Some are just sadists for no reason. And that's where Boscha comes in as a bully that knows full well she's hurting people but doesn't care because her only justification is that they deserve it. Why? Because Boscha believes she's better than them. That inflated ego makes her the perfect mirror of what Amity could have been and causes Boscha to be the best rival to Willow. Willow starts off with confidence issues, where even though she gains more of a boost thanks to her friends, there's still lingering self-doubt in the back of her brain. Boscha lacks that. She may do some affirmations to her reflection, similar to what Willow does in "Any Sport in a Storm," but while Willow briefly second guesses herself, Boscha says every word as if she knows its universal truth. So when these two go up against each other, it's great because it allows Willow to prove that she IS the best while proving that Boscha's the worst. It was perfect, and it's why I had no issues with Boscha remaining one-dimensional...But then the writers had to SCREW IT ALL UP!

Now, don't get me wrong. Revealing that Boscha had codependency issues with Amity and Boscha's other friends is interesting. There's just one problem: They introduce this idea in the second to last episode of the series. There's next to no time to fully flesh it out, leaving Boscha with a character arc that feels both forced and rushed. It might have been better if this idea had been established from the beginning instead of using most of that time writing Boscha as a one-dimensional bully with no depth to her. I still say she's entertaining, but maybe the writers tried TOO HARD with her.

Matt Holomule: But sometimes, it's better to try for a character that used to be the most universally hated.

How in the hell did I go from hating this little stink rat to being genuinely entertained by him? He's not my favorite or anything, but, like...compare Matt's first appearance with his last. He was an insufferable little prick who caused problems for Luz and Gus all because Matt wanted power and drama. That's it. Just those two things: Power and drama. Yeah, those are not great motivations for a character.

In fairness, it was clear we were supposed to hate Matt, and humor comes from watching him fail miserably. The problem is that he didn't do it enough, and while I'll laugh at the little stink nugget getting messed up at the end of "Something Ventured, Someone Framed," Matt still won by the end of the day, getting everything he wanted. He just got a little messed up along the way, is all. So while the idea is there, it's not strong enough to make the character entertaining.

But then the writers decided, "Hey since we're not going to try with Boscha, let's try SOMETHING with Matt." And it worked! "Through the Looking Glass Ruins" showed why Matt was such an insufferable, slimy weasel because he attended a school where the more powerful received more respect. Matt never got that in his old school, so he tried again in his new school, looking for power and drama because it's all he knows. Then by "For the Future," not only is the guy actually competent, but he's hilarious through false bravado and not being smart enough to know that he's been crushing on a robot. It's a huge improvement...but only from a character that makes three primary appearances and sucks with one of them. A character who's decent two-thirds of the time isn't too bad, but that still doesn't make him high up on my list, where characters are better for far more than that.

Viney: Or a character that has a better vibe despite...barely having anything to work with.

Viney...is insane. She dumps friends over the tiniest of misunderstandings and uses her griffin as an assistant for everything. She's clearly not well in the head...and that's what makes her entertaining.

Vine is a looney nut who might be unaware of her crazy actions. It's good fun, but the problem is that there's not enough of it. Like Matt, Viney has very few prominent moments in the series, and you can tell she's not as entertaining as she could have been. If the writers went all the way with her insanity or made her a character that's the textbook definition of "zero chill," you can bet Viney would be one of my favorite characters. As is, her craziness is only...a scrap of what could have been a great personality. I like her, don't love her.

Jerbo: Jerbo's higher because he has more of a well-defined personality. And he wasn't instantly unlikable, so...

And that really is all there is to say about Jerbo. He's fun as a fearful boy down on his luck and has a bit of intrigue with how he wanted to change the coven system forever. And he does, which is honestly pretty cool. Still, not a lot to make him higher.

Owlbert: Hey, look! It's a character that had a ton of prominent appearances in Season One and was all but forgotten in every season after!

This is a shame because Owlbert is one of the two palisman in the series that feels like a genuine character. The others are cute (my favorite is a tie between Ghost and Stringbean), but Owlbert, for a few episodes, felt like a prominent member of the cast with his loyalty to Eda and the connection formed with Luz. In fact, he and Luz had such a great connection that, for a while there, I assumed the show would do a thing where Eda passed down Owlbert to Luz as a form of passing the torch from the master teacher to the master student. But that didn't happen, which I can be fine with because Stringbean's perfect, and I will not hear any argument about it.

Still, it's weird how Owlbert showed up a fair amount of times in Season One, even having an entire episode dedicated to him, only to be forgotten and discarded by the time Season Two rolled around. And I know someone who'll be mad about that.

Bat Queen: And she's a character that had her own kind of potential only to be forgotten in Season Two. Only in this case, I'm willing to be more forgiving toward Bat Queen. It sucks that we'll never fully know who her owner is, but that always felt like a minor story beat for someone who wasn't that major of a character. Or, at least, someone who never had TIME to be a major character. The Bat Queen had intrigue as a discarded palisman who dedicated her life to looking after abandoned ones, but someone like her doesn't really have a place in the grander story of the show. Plenty of characters in the series have good reasons to have their stories continue or their personalities develop, whether having close ties with a main character or having a narrative purpose. Bat Queen doesn't really have either of those things, so it's why I'm not someone who’s losing sleep at night just because she has this engaging backstory brought forth but never followed up on. I'd still like to see it, but I always knew that after hearing Disney shortened the show, it was always going to be the Bat Queen's story that would fall on the cutting room floor. Missed potential for sure, but at least we had an interesting character for a short while.

Odalia Blight: And the winner for the worst mother of the year goes to--Yeah, I know. An easy joke to make. But I can't help it! It's always served on a silver platter!

Anyways, Odalia's the worst. Yet that's what makes her the best, funnily enough. She's the most snobbish snob that's ever snobbed while having zero respect for other people, least of all her family. You hate her with every fiber of your being, and you cannot wait to see her fail miserably despite trying so hard to reach the top. And Odalia absolutely is a character one loves to hate. She called Amity and her friends into the office and soon scolded Amity for not being in class. It is a challenge to make someone that kind of entertainingly despicable, yet the writers nailed it. However, they might have worked too hard to make us hate Odalia and not enough to deliver her just desserts.

I have no problems with Odalia being an awful mother, wife, and overall person throughout the show. I figured it was only a matter of time before she got hit in the face with SOME karma that would make it all worth it. Sure, it was nice to see her bend to the whim of a literal god that craved pizza bagels, and I do love that Belos, who values life less than her, didn't even want to use Odalia as his meat puppet. Still, she deserved worse. After everything Odalia did and the bridges she burned, it would have been nice to see either Amity or Camila knock her lights out for being a terrible mother. Hell, we even saw Kikimora doing community service and grunt work after her crimes, so it would be fitting to see Odalia right there with her. Or giving her SOME punishment other than making the last time we see her being Odalia standing off to the side and acting like she doesn't care that she lost everything. And that...doesn't feel right. After everything Odalia's done, we, the audience, and her family, deserve to see Odalia receive the worst punishment she had coming to her. Maybe not death or even going to jail. But SOMETHING is better than nothing. She was entertaining, but being so goes only so far without a proper failure.

...But at least she's hot. I know that's out of left field...but we all know it's true...Camila's still hotter, though.

Gwen Clawthorne: ...At least she's a better mother than Odalia?

Alright, I might be the only person who doesn't hate Gwen like others in the fandom, just like with Kikimora. But unlike Kiki, Gwen has much more to like...at least to me. Yeah, her falling for scams isn't great, and realizing the error of her ways could have been done better if not...quickly paced, but I don't mind her. Upon her introduction, it's clear that Gwen wants to try and help Eda with a vile curse. She may have been a bit hostile with her wording, but we soon learn that the curse not only turns Eda into a savage beast but one that clawed Gwen's husband's eye out and ruined the family business that's been around for generations. You can't really blame Gwen for being...agitated about the curse. Or wanting to try anything and everything to cure it. Yes, Eda's curse is often used as an allegory for a chronic illness. And a pretty decent one at that. But sometimes, with a story, you have to remove the allegory from what's shown, and doing so helps you gain more of a perspective for why Gwen reacted the way that she did. Was it right? Well...Not really. I guess she could have seen sooner that she should have been there for Eda instead of scaring her off, not to mention the damage Gwen caused in her debut appearance, but Gwen was at least quick enough to come around and realize what she did was wrong, and APOLOGIZE. Most parents like her won't be that easy, obviously, but another thing about fiction is that you have to realize that it's...fiction. Not everything equates to real life, and you should accept a character's choices and actions if it suits the story. Not many kids can do that, sure, and that's where the hesitation fits, but I think Gwen's kind enough to prove that she's worth believing in. She still spent years trying to help Eda, even if it was misguided, and was ready to kill the guys scamming her. Gwen is not a bad person. Her heart's mostly in the right place despite the troubles she caused, and I'm willing to bet she learned her lesson in the end. Just listen to her speech to Eda (and a little to Lilith) near the end of the episode. That's a mother's imperfect love if you ask me.

Masha: Admittingly, there's not much to them. Masha's a solid character. They have tidbits of personality as someone who's into the grim and horrifying but has a good sense of humor about things when they laugh off reading Vee an accurate fortune by saying she needed bath bombs or humorously sum up Belos' backstory about him being upset that his brother got a hot witch girlfriend. Plus, there's the genuine representation of having Masha be non-binary but still comfortable dressing and looking feminine. From what I've learned, being non-binary doesn't mean sticking to a gender-neutral style. Some like to look feminine, while others are fine appearing masculine, and it's cool for The Owl House to represent that through Masha. I only wish there was more about them. I could go on and on about most of these characters, but for Masha, there's not enough to go off of. It really is the good vibes and representation carrying them, but that's not much to complain about if you ask me.

Skara: SKARA IS THE BEST GIRL!

What's that? She barely has much of a consistent personality and is an over-glorified background character, if anything else? Well, too bad, because she's the best girl.

Honestly, I don't know why I love Skara so much. She hardly has any character to her, but something about her is just so gosh darn endearing. I'm telling you, sometimes a character can be entertaining by having a good vibe alone.

Steve: THIS MOTHER F**KER, however, had NO RIGHT being as entertaining as he was! Nor how popular!

Steve. F**king STEVE! All he had was one or two lines in a less-than-stellar episode, yet the fandom ADORED this mother f**ker! And, yeah, they were funny lines, but not "OMG, best character EVAH" levels of funny! But sure enough, people loved him! So the writers brought him back, and gosh dang it, he's so endearing! He's the most chill and reasonable character in the entire show! He gave King insight into who he was in one of the biggest character moments in the series! He's...NOT the golden god that I think people were picturing him as under that mask, but DAMN, is he still a handsome fella! He's so great, that I honestly wish he was in the show MORE! Gosh, DANG IT!

"If you love him so much, why are you acting angry about it?"

Because it's FUNNY!

"No, it isn't."

Yes, it is! Moving on!

Terra Snapdragon: Finally! Some good frickin' secondary antagonist!

Terra is why I hoped the series would dive deep into the other covenheads, primarily the clearly evil ones. This woman radiated supervillain energy as someone who seemed super sweet but would kill you with zero hesitation. And we learn in the flashback episode that Terra was somehow more bloodthirsty, having zero care for the lives of others, least of all children. The woman was despicable, and it was a treat seeing her return when she did. And, unlike Odalia, Terra had a proper amount of punishment. Sure, it sucks that she slinks away in the finale, but her forced to play pretend with the Collector while in an outfit that...did not work on her is pretty decent karma for someone who saw others as below her. Plus, she at least turned into a puppet for being too big of a big mouth, which is more than what Odalia got. I'd prefer if Terra had MORE punishment, but who knows? Maybe she went to jail or...tripped and snapped her spine off-screen.

If anything, my only complaint was that Terra wasn't in the series more. Make HER the main threat in "For the Future" instead of Kikimora and Boscha. THAT would have been fun. Regardless, she's entertaining enough as is, even if more screen time would have made her better.

Principal Bump: This man deserved more love...He said, while still leaving Bump below several characters.

For real, though, Bump deserves more credit, even from me. He's the school principal in a children's animated series, but instead of making him the demonic, overbearing dictator, the writers made him...the exact opposite. If anything, Principal Faust is more of what I would expect as a cold, careless, and horrifying hater of fun and children. Thankfully, that's not Bump. The man may be strict and have no problems throwing a kid into a detention pit, but he still cares about the safety and well-being of his students. Hell, he loves his students. Even with trouble-makers like Luz, Gus, and Willow, Bump can't help but cry because he has fond memories about the three of them and the trouble they caused. And while he can be dead-set in some ways, Bump is still willing to admit when he made a mistake and chooses to correct it, like in "The First Day" by letting the Detention Kids pick multiple tracks to study from. He's kind and reasonable, and that's what's to love about him. Plus, Bump's got some Grade-A snark on him. Some of the show's funniest and most quotable lines come from his dry remarks, and it's partially why he's bumped (ha) up so high. As I said, Bump deserves more love...It's just unfortunate that there are more entertaining characters than him.

Lilith Clawthorne: Admittedly, Lilith would not be up this high if she remained the person she was in Season One. Back then, Lilith wasn't the worst. She functioned nicely as a foil to Eda's wild side and had a great design for a secondary antagonist. The problem is that Lilith was a little boring, her motivations weren't made clear until the finale for the sake of a twist, and that same twist REALLY hurt her character...for about a week until everyone was quick to forgive and forget after a poorly paced redemption. And that's another fault of Lilith: Her redemption. She cursed Eda, ruined the family, ostracized Eda from society, hunted her down for YEARS because of blind faith in a man playing her like the cheap-ass kazoo that she was, and it all got wiped away almost instantly. Granted, there is one asterisk to this: It was all an accident...Sort of.

Lilith did mean to curse Eda but didn't intend for it to last as long as it did. And you at least get a sense that Lilith feels some remorse for doing so, even stopping their first duel together the second Eda brought up the curse. The problem is that she doesn't feel enough, still treating Eda as lesser than her despite the two of them being close and Lilith supposedly feeling guilty about cursing her. And, again, it feels like everything got resolved too quickly. I accepted everyone is quick to say, "Everything's good for now" in "Young Blood, Old Souls," but only because I expected Lilith to get dragged through the coals in Season Two. But she didn't. She was quickly treated as one of the gang, and Eda did nothing but jokingly remind Lilith that she cursed her. You do that after years of getting over something, not after a week. So, as a redeemable antagonist, Lilith might as well get a C-...Thank goodness she became an entertaining character, regardless of that.

By Season Two, Lilith becomes an almost different character. Better yet, she becomes what I wanted Viney to be: Bats**t insane. Lilith is violent enough to tell Philip that he better be digging his own grave and punches him in the face without hesitation, ecstatic about banisters and having barnacles on her head, and willing to devote her whole life to an eight-year-old and perform blood sacrifices in his honor. The woman lost her mind, and I was all there for it. Even then, though, she still had a bit of intelligence, being hesitant to trust Philip after seeing some similarities to Belos and studious enough to figure out glyph combos herself. It's just that now because there are fewer worries and fears about keeping an image and being the best, Lilith can let go of inhibitions and go nuts. Her redemption could have used a lot more polish, but being so dang entertaining in Season Two is what made Lilith a character I couldn't care about to one I was excited to see when I could.

Alador Blight: Wish I could say the same about this guy...

I think I love the idea of Alador much more than his execution. Upon his introduction, he's presented as the lesser of two evils between him and Odalia, with Alador being easier to talk to without threatening to kill anybody and trying to find compromises that could stow Odalia's fire when she becomes unreasonably angry. Initially, one could assume that he's on the same agenda as hers, only to later find out that Alador's being mistreated too, with Odalia working him to exhaustion, too tired to even notice his children's problems half the time because he's too busy working for Odalia to the point where he never even took a sick day. In Season Two, this lines up with a lot of his behavior. It's why he acts so scatterbrained and unsure of what to do in most appearances. Or the way he tries to tell Odalia they've demonstrated enough with the Abomiton and how he forces a compromise by making Odalia stick to her word and sneakily tell her that being with friends makes Amity stronger, and how he promises to Amity to let Odalia back down in "Reaching Out." If you look solely at how he acts in Season Two, I believe it's pretty decent character work/development, showing a man who loves his kids but can't be the father he wants and needs to be because of his overbearing wife...However, there is ONE moment that spoils everything.

Yeah, that one. This is the scene that everyone points back to when discussing Alador's change of heart and whether or not he earns Amity's love despite it. He's very clearly on Odalia's side in this argument, being just as cold as her. Some argued that because this memory came from Amity as a kid, she might misremember the details and misconstrued how Alador acted that day. Even his silhouette seems different from how he looks in the present, and I was willing to agree because I remember days when my parents got a LITTLE mad, and it was the scariest thing in the world. However, not only would you be surprised how more traumatic experiences stick with kids, but the show makes it very clear that memories inside one's mind recreate things to the exact detail. Sure, there's the fact that it's Amity's recollection in Willow's brain, which, as far as we know, isn't as perfect as a picture. But The Owl House never explicitly establishes how weak a witch's memory could be while already inside a memory. It's a very weird distinction to make but necessary to prove that Amity's memory isn't as exact as it looks. Although, if you want explanations, I have some of my own. One realistic, another analytical, and one argumentive.

Realistically...this is a retcon. The writers had a new idea of what to do with Alador and realized, too late, that they had to make changes to his character for it to work. Changes that go beyond a scene where all we see is his silhouette. And when a retcon's made, it's sort of a team effort between the writers and the fans to explain how it works, with the writers providing the information and the fans analyzing previous scenes to see how it holds up. And after writing about how he's under Odalia's abuse and manipulation, here's where the analysis comes in.

Alador works so much and dismisses his kids because, if he doesn't, Odalia will have the kids do work for him. Not wanting to let them go through what he does, Alador reluctantly goes along with what she demands, only getting her to back down when he sees an opportunity, like in "Escaping Expulsion." Unfortunately, just like that episode, he's still on her side most of the time, doing what she wants and saying what SHE thinks is right even if he probably doesn't want to. Because if he doesn't, he and his kids are in WORSE trouble. That day, when Alador scolded Amity, might be a day when he felt like there was no other choice because Odalia left no room to back down and was forced to do and say what she wanted.

Plus--and here's where I get argumentive--We forgave this:

Granted, there are some arguments against this as well, one I'll get to when talking about Amity. For now, I will say there are three reasons why we're willing to forgive Amity: One is that she's a kid. People are more willing to forgive a child's behavior because they can outgrow it and become better. People have this idea that adults can't do the same thing, that they should already know better...even though adults rarely do, and they could live up to seventy while still unaware of how their behavior is wrong. Number two is that we spend more time with Amity, learning how much she regrets her actions and proving how she'll work hard to be a better person despite them. We can't have that with Alador because the show has to do so much and has very little time to do it. Some corners can be cut, and Alador was one of them. Thirdly, and this is the one I can't argue against, people understand Amity's plight because they WERE Amity. They've had experience with neglectful and abusive parents, and that experience beats any argument a person has. It doesn't matter if you, me, or anyone else argues that Alador isn't badly written. THOSE people, the ones who had an Alador of their own, will always feel uncomfortable by how the writers made him because those people know not every parent is like him, and they don't want kids thinking THEIR parents are the same. I mean it when I say I can't argue against that because that's a fair reason to not like a character.

Personally, I like Alador enough. At least, I like the idea he represents. It's good to show that parents can be mistreated too, especially a father because not enough people take men getting abused in a relationship as seriously as women do. The execution is a little sloppy because of that one scene in Season One, but it doesn't bother me. It DOES, however, bother others, and for reasons I can't help but sympathize. I won't call Alador a bad character, but I won't stop others from disagreeing. But at least his kids are great (and, yeah, we’ll get to them).

Dell Clawthorne: Dell's kind of both a symbol and a character.

Symbolically, he's the physical representation of Eda's biggest regret. She blinded and crippled her father, ruining the family business in the process. But the sad part is that none of it was her fault. Yet Eda still blames herself, not even wanting to go and SEE Dell because the pain of knowing what she did to him is too great. He proves that Eda can turn into what she is afraid of becoming. Something that we see in her nightmare in "Watching and Dreaming." Something that no one wants to be: A monster. A monster that doesn't deserve forgiveness or love. A monster that should be locked away for the safety of the ones she loves. But the crazy thing is that Dell DOES love Eda. He DOES forgive her.

Dell has every right to be angry. He lost his eye and his job. Who wouldn't be angry after that? And maybe he was for a bit, but I doubt he was ever angry with Eda, let alone resent her for it. Instead, after years of her running away and never wanting to talk to him again, Dell only wanted to see his daughter again. His scene with Eda in "Elsewhere and Elsewhen," where he clarifies that what happened was tragic but still loves Eda despite it, is one of my favorite interactions between two characters in The Owl House. And trust me, that's a hefty list to get on.

Dell's time on the show wasn't long, but what he does gives a lot of substance to the show for a guy who probably has less than five minutes of screen time (I don't know, I didn't do the math). Maybe he could have offered more, but I'm glad with what we still got.

The Titan: The same goes for this fluffy individual. We only knew them for a short amount of time, but holy hell, did the Titan make the most of it. Even though, technically speaking, we knew them the whole time.

I don't think I've seen a show where the setting happens to be an essential character in the plot. I'm pretty sure everyone assumed the Titan was a corpse that our characters had adventures on, and that's it. Any idea that they were a being that could talk to others could get shot down because the only person to "talk" to the Titan was Belos. And with him being the serial liar that he was, any fan could assume that even talking to the Titan was impossible, and meeting them was even more so. Turns out it wasn't.

And the Titan, the powerful being whose corpse is big enough to form a landmass, also turns out to be a chilled-out individual. There are brief moments of seriousness and even nobility in their final moments, but for the most part, the Titan is just a laid-back, jovial person. Personally, I'm into god-like beings that are like that. Not one that's wrathful or vengeful, but kind and acts like someone you could, I don't know, have a beer with. Not that I drink beer, but...you know.

Granted, the Titan WAS a bit wrathful with how they treated the Collector, but they clearly feel bad about it after finally realizing the Collector meant no harm, and it was the Collector's SIBLINGS who did the dirty work. The Titan admitted to making a mistake, making them both a kind god and a humble one. It amazes me how much characterization was given to the Titan in how little time they were officially introduced in the show. There are characters who are better after having more time, but there are also ones who might just be worse. So I appreciate that they made the Titan so top-tier, even if making them nothing more than the Isles, and the show's setting, would have been more than enough.

Emira Blight: I will forever be grateful for the course correction that the writers took with Edric and Emira, not only making them great supporting characters instead of semi-antagonists like in "Lost in Language" but also giving them their own personalities that help them stand out instead of being exact copies like most twins in media. Unfortunately, Emira might be the least interesting Blight sibling.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN BAD! Just because Amity's more engaging and Edric's more entertaining, that doesn't make Emira a horrible character because of it. It just means that, comparatively, she's not as high as her siblings. With that said, Emira's still pretty fantastic as the only Blight with a functioning brain cell. She calls Edric out for his occasional stupidity, gives proper advice to Amity when she's freaking out, and has her thoughts together because Emira didn't work herself to exhaustion. It also makes sense why Emira's a healer. She's there to keep her family physically and emotionally safe, making sure Edric doesn't hurt himself or counseling Amity when things are too overwhelming. Not only is Emira the most sensible, but it might make her the glue that keeps the family together. But despite that, she's still playful, still mischievous. Except, unlike her brother, there's a more controlled intelligence behind the fun and games Emira pulls. It's a bit more subtle, but it's there. So, while she might be the weakest Blight sibling in terms of story value, Emira is still a great character in her own right, being a fun yet essential family member with that perfect older sister energy...Mainly because she's the older sister, but my point still stands!

Edric Blight: Ah, the one Blight sibling that proves how most of the brains went to Amity and Emira while he got only the scraps.

Edric is not smart. And that very fact leads to two kinds of entertainment. Firstly, it's funny seeing his dumbass stumble through life. He tried to eat snow, attempted to keep a wild bat as a pet, couldn't pick up a hint to save his life, and ended up in a full-body cast after a reckless rescue mission. The poor boy is a riot because of how dumb he acts, which leads to the second thing entertaining about Edric: He's aware of his lack of smarts and how others see him as "The Dumb One." It causes Edric to be a little insecure about his talents, despite having great knowledge of Beast Keeping and decent skills with Potions. It's as if the writers saw the fans' preconceptions about Edric and decided to do something with it. Unfortunately, they only did it for one episode because we're strapped for time, but that brief instant of character insight is what's to love about this show. We have so many characters to use and so little time that instances like Edric helping Eda and King make a potion is enough to be considered great character development for someone who could have easily been "The Dumb One" and nothing more. He was funny enough with that simple character trait, but one tends to appreciate when a show goes the extra mile, even if it's for one episode only.

Hooty: Oh, Hooty. Sweet, dearest Hootcifer.

At first, I did not like you. You were an annoying addition as comic relief, whose screechy voice only made me hate you more. But then something interesting happened. As time went on, you became less annoying and more endearing by nature. Having an eagerness to please others mixed with a constant ignorance of social cues made you quite humorous. Yes, quite humorous indeed. The laughs brought forth by things you have done and said were plentiful, and I was delighted by each appearance you've made.

And best of all, dearest Hootcifer, you've made Luz and Amity a canonical couple. In an episode that will be nearest and dearest to many fans' hearts, you have not only brought out beautiful development between King and Eda but also managed the most adorable display of young love to occur. A young love between two girls, no less, meaning this moment of spectacular representation for the LGBTQA+ community is all thanks to you, a character best described as a "bird worm." That is both mildly hilarious as well as incredible.

Unfortunately, dearest Hootcifer, your time on the show was not perfect. Whilst Season Two was you at your best, it took all of Season One for me and others to warm up to you. And by Season Three, with every other characters taking story prominence, there was nary any time for you, Hootcifer, to add anything of value. You hardly had any lines, nor did you manage to have any final words in the series finale. Other characters in the series had faced this injustice too, but it is extra ludicrous for you, Hootcifer. You were there since that very first episode, becoming the fourth member of the Owl House family. To think that your last line was only in the second to last episode, despite how much of an impact you've left on the others and the fans, it pains me that you were one of the few cheated out the most with that final season.

Regardless, despite everything, Hootcifer, you are a well-done character with humor and heart. Tis no wonder that the show is named after you, for you are worthy of such an honor.

...In short, Hooty is funny, endearing, and surprisingly grows on you. I have...no idea why I gave that sentiment across in such a fancy way, but oh well.

(He deserves it anyways)

Flapjack: *Sigh* Another loving bird...

Just like Owlbert, Flapjack's the only palisman with enough prominence in the series to feel like a character, but unlike Owlbert, the writers actually explore more with Flapjack. But that may be because his story is tragic.

It is heavily hinted that Flapjack is Evelyn's palisman, who also lured Caleb into the Boiling Isles and indirectly sparked DECADES worth of...bad stuff. And within that time, Flapjack lost an eye and an owner and spent so much of his life alone. That is until he met Luz...who then introduced Flapjack to Hunter.

It really was a solid expectation subversion that Flapjack chose Hunter as an owner. He had a kind and playful energy that matched Luz perfectly, but no. He wanted Hunter, possibly because he looked so much like Caleb. And not wanting to lose another Caleb, Flapjack seemed to make it his number one goal to help Hunter in every way possible. That's when it hits you why Flapjack is perfect for Hunter: He's what Hunter NEEDS. Flapjack may have worked well with Luz, but Hunter needed him more than she did. Hunter was all alone for most of his life and went through so much emotional and mental stress in his unfortunate existence. Then here comes Flapjack, cheerfully supporting Hunter in his interests and literally pulling him to people who will make him happy. Flapjack's basically a therapy bird if I've ever seen one. And it really was nice seeing the majority of the time he's spent in the series be dedicated to making someone else happy...because it makes his death all the more tragic.

All Flapjack wanted was to make Hunter happy, ignoring the fact for so long that being near Hunter was the biggest risk that Flapjack could have ever taken. The second Belos might see Flapjack, he'd be as good as dead due to Belos' need to feed off the souls of palismens and because of Belos' hatred for everything that Flapjack represents. Yet Flapjack still stuck it out and stayed by Hunter's side despite these risks. His death was all but inevitable, but it hurt all the same because while we knew, deep down, it would happen, we didn't WANT it to happen. But it did, and it stings that a bird that wanted to do nothing but good only paid a horrible price for his kindness. On the bright side, Flapjack died doing the one thing he did best: Helping Hunter. No, SAVING Hunter.

Flapjack was loyal to the end, and we all love him for it. And miss him all the same.

Darius Deamonne: Hey, look! It's another character that's important to Hunter! And this one is FABULOUS!

I'll forever be blown away by the expectation subversion the writers did with Darius. Upon his introduction, you think he would be this menacing secondary antagonist the characters would have to fight through in a final battle against Belos. That was definitely the vibe I got from the guy, with how menacing he acted and how he looked in his abomination form. Turns out, most of that was an act...Most of it. I'm willing to bet that he really was ticked off by whoever was screwing with him, and his annoyance was real with Ebberwolf. But by using what we NOW know, it's clear that Darius was playing SOME of his behavior up to make it convincing enough that he's on the Emperor's side in case any ears are listening in. Belos does have eyes and ears everywhere, after all...somehow. Plus, it makes the reveal that Darius is on the side of good all the more pleasant of a surprise. He's certainly less menacing, but not as a fault. Darius still has the same snark and agitation towards people who are more, let's say, foolish than him, just as Darius did in his first appearance. It's just that now he's more subdued because he's surrounded by people who Darius doesn't need to scare. Even when dealing with the Emerald Entrails, Darius acted cold but reasonable. And when actually TRYING to scare the kids, you can argue he wanted to further scare them away from joining the Emperor's Coven, showing them what type of person they'd be dealing with.

But the biggest surprise came when he turned out to be a decent father figure for Hunter. Unfortunately, we never get to see him as an actual father, but it's still sweet seeing Darius show Hunter the first amount of respect and care from an adult the poor boy ever got. Darius shows interest in Hunter's interest, respects his decisions, and encourages him to be a kid and not a soldier, likely because Darius knows full well where that leads for the previous Golden Guards. It warms the heart to see how much Darius cares for Hunter, getting worried when he's in danger and feeling joy when he's safe and sound. It's all great...and it SUCKS that Darius is one of the few screwed over in the finale. No final lines, just pure silence...and some shipping fuel between him and Alador. At least there were still moments of Darius showing he cares for Hunter, and they're both happy together. I didn't really expect much from Darius. He was already fun upon his introduction, but having him become this stern yet caring person was such an interesting twist that I can't help but admire more. It's not what I expected, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Vee Noceda: That IS her last name, and I will hear NO SLANDER ABOUT IT!

...Anyway, Vee's a great character.

I am forever impressed by how great of an, yet another, expectation subversion Vee is. Everyone, including Luz, upon first seeing Vee, saw her as an evil doppelganger trying to steal Luz's life. I still remember the shock and fear I felt when first seeing Vee, worried about what this could mean for Luz and Camila. And then we got to know Vee...and I much prefer the character we got over an evil clone or whatever the popular theory at the time was.

Vee, quite possibly, might have the most tragic life out of everyone in the show. She was born in a cage, was treated as a lab experiment and nothing more, gained a ton of PTSD surrounding rats and cages, and likely never knew the feeling of a warm bed or a good home-cooked meal until meeting Camila. Vee's life was a nightmare before running away to the human realm, and after learning about all that, it makes her finding a home with the Nocedas, being a part of their family, all the sweeter. A friend of mine said that her plan was a LITTLE flawed because Vee didn't know whether or not Luz would return, but in fairness, Vee said that she didn't mean to keep the act up forever, but Camila was nice to her. Vee was operating off of emotions due to getting an inkling of what love feels like, even if Camila's motherly love wasn't for Vee exactly. And with the family she's found and the friends she made in the Human Realm, it's no wonder that she prefers a life there, graduating high school with Luz and having a form for herself to gain an identity of her own. It's amazing how much care and attention the writers put into Vee and her story...Especially since she's basically a minor character.

Yeah, it's crazy to think that a lot of this stuff that happens with Vee is for a character with a substantial role in TWO episodes. Honestly, I wish she had more and could have time to bond with Camila and Luz, showing how much of a happy family she's gained. But, even after "Yesterday's Lie" ended, I already assumed the odds of seeing Vee again in something big were NEVER to become a reality. The shortening of the series, leaving fans with only half a season and three specials, meant that the odds weren't in Vee's favor to grow and develop more than she already did. In a case like that, you have to learn to accept what you HAVE instead of complaining that you didn't get what you WANT. And as for what we have with Vee, it's still good and compelling stuff for a character that makes two appearances. Sure, the potential of a greater character is there for Vee, but for a minor character, she's still really great. Now, if she was a MAIN character, THEN it'd be an issue...Speaking of which.

Gus Porter: Ah, NOW we're getting to the important characters.

Gus is...probably the least interesting out of the main cast. That doesn't make him bad, mind you. I mean, look how far he's come in this list. It's just that, compared to everyone else, Gus felt as if he had less going on. While everyone else was dealing with trauma, family issues, and self-worth, Gus was always kind of...there. The worst part is that there are a lot of hints of there being more to him. He somewhat admits to Hunter in "Thanks to Them" that, while things aren't awful, Gus isn't happy. He missed his dad, and Gus was the first to break down and cry after "King's Tide." There's something there to explore, but because it's a season where so much is going on and there's little time to focus on everybody, Gus, unfortunately, gets the short end of the stick when dealing with HIS trauma. And there's not much going on with his family. There's no discussion of what happened with his mom or any animosity between Gus and his dad. They have a healthy relationship together. Which is appreciative, don't get me wrong. But it's NOTHING compared to Amity's issues with her parents, Eda's strained relationship with her sister and mother, and Luz's difficulty in getting her mom to understand her. The closest bit of intrigue we get with Gus and his dad is how bored and kind of annoyed Gus looked during the Grand Prix in "Eda's Requiem." There could be something to explore there, maybe talk about why Gus went with his dad even though he clearly wasn't having a great time. Unfortunately, this was during a season when the writers were told the series would get cut, and they had to rush to close up as many character arcs as they could before reaching the end, with Gus, again, getting the short end of the stick. Thankfully, the show does something about Gus' self-worth, showing his doubts as an Illusionist and some anxiety about being used by others for personal gain. It's engaging stuff, but it comes at the cost of Gus being overshadowed by an admittedly cute couple and the fandom's favorite white boy.

We definitely get a good amount where I say that Gus is an engaging character, but never enough to stand above the others. And that, right there, is why Gus is the least interesting in the main cast. There are great things about him to explore, but he's never given a chance to truly shine. Thankfully, Gus is still great in a supporting role, acting as the group's cheerleader and hyping them up to do something. Or how he acts as the little brother, having sometimes naive optimism and playfulness compared to everyone else. He's still a smart cookie who knows when to be serious, but it's clear that he's the second or third youngest in the cast, right next to King or the Collector. So, while Gus would have been even better with more time dedicated to him and him alone, that doesn't mean he's any worse of a character because of it. He's still endearing with how supportive he is, even if that makes him less interesting than his friends.

Speaking of which...

Willow Park: Willow...has a similar problem as Gus, but it might be a little worse. Because while Gus has entire subplots in episodes dedicated to him and his issues, Willow has consistently shared the spotlight with other characters throughout the series, where they get a lot of development, and she gets the scraps. To the point where fans talk more about the people Willow has a relationship with instead of Willow. She used to have a friendship with Amity? They latch onto AMITY'S side of things. Hunter's her boyfriend? They latch onto HUNTER'S side of things. In fact, I think people talk more about her BULLY than they do about Willow. Rarely does Willow get any attention in the fanbase and even in the series, which is a shame because she IS a solid character.

Willow's your typical shy girl who learns to gain more confidence. Only this one has more of a violent edge and seems more than capable of killing someone for hurting her but doesn't due to her self-confidence issues. Plus, instead of stretching out those issues throughout the entire series, Willow gains more confidence at the end of Season One. An annoying thing about shy girls is that they remain progressively so, getting better through inches instead of miles. With Willow, she gets over it pretty soon, to the point where I genuinely thought Willow didn't have much to do in Season Two because the writers figured her character arc was done. Which is a shame because even though her friends have more development than her, Willow is a great straight man to their antics. She's often remembered as a friend with the one functioning brain cell in the group, acting as the voice of reason when her idiot friends have a dumb idea. But she's still supportive of their ambitions and adventures because THEY were supportive of her. It's her way of paying them back. Willow just has a better idea of when to draw the line.

Plus, there is an interesting idea about Willow that the writers manage to explore beyond her shyness, even if it's not to as great of an extent as everyone else's development. You see, Willow has a problem processing trauma. In "Understanding Willow" (which ironically helps us understand Amity better), Willow states that it's best to hide away what's upsetting her while saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." Only for that to QUICKLY backfire as Amity takes things further by burning the very thing Willow only wanted to hide. They both learn it's better to confront the things that make them uncomfortable, gaining an understanding (ha) that you need to face your pain to heal from it. Except that Willow somewhat forgot that lesson in "For the Future," which showcased what makes Willow great. She's there to help her friends and their issues but ignores her own because she believes her friends’ are more important. All the girl needed was a good cry over her dads, but Willow instead repeated to herself, "Keep it in," not wanting to let her own problems overshadow everyone else's, which caused her emotions to grow more out of control. This side of her is an engaging idea, and it sucks that it's only been explored twice while her friends got more development. I'm willing to blame the shortening of the series for this one because there's no way she only had such a small role to play in the series upon conception. Willow acts as great support like Gus, but she could have been so much more. And that's a "What if" that's going to unfortunately be lost to time.

King Clawthorne: I have mixed feelings towards King, at least in the first season. I didn't hate him. It's just that, within Season One, King hardly had a direction. More often than not, he was the comic relief that went off doing silly things in the B-Plot while everyone else went on the real adventures. It led to entertaining bits, like gaining an army of sentient stuffed animals or using the Owl Beast as a tool to dominate the playground. But then there were times when they felt like an unnecessary distraction, like being an MC at Grom or being mistaken as a substitute teacher. And most of the time, it's all for the sake of an unrealistic goal. I could tell from the beginning that he would NEVER be the actual King of Demons, and it was just something the other characters played along with because even THEY knew it would never be a reality. So there was never anything King could add to the show besides humor, which he did well due to Alex Hirsch's hilarious delivery with a few jokes. If King stayed the same as he does in Season One, he'd go just above Hooty as someone entertaining with a few solid scenes of heart with the rest of the main cast, but nothing more than that.

...But then the writers decided to make King an actual character in Season Two.

King became more consistent and engaging in the series from "Echoes of the Past" to beyond. In most of the series before this moment, King always went back and forth as either a child, a pet, or an immature adult with delusions of grandeur. Post "Echoes of the Past," it's pretty clear that King's a child but one with a bit more maturity than others. He acts naive and has a definite need to be protected at all costs when he acts sad. And Alex Hirsch KILLS it when portraying King's youth, where the times King cries or gets emotional sounds like an actual kid rather than a grown man playing a kid. His delivery isn't just good for humor but for some amazing voice acting that surprisingly adds to the illusion. It's sort of like how John Roberts convinces me that Linda from Bob's Burgers is a New Jersey Mother in a way that's better than any voice actress ever could manage. Sometimes, you need to give in to the illusion.

As for what makes King engaging, that's where his purpose comes in. King wanting to become the King of Demons and have people bow down to him is...cute and results in some good humor. But King wanting to know what he is and where his Dad came from? Now THAT is a way to make someone invested in a character we already enjoyed. King was entertaining before, but seeing his struggles to find answers about his past and heritage was always endearing and helped you feel for the little guy. And when he finally DOES get answers, it cleverly gives King what he wanted in Season One: To be something that people would bow down to in respect and fear...and King doesn't want that anymore. After learning he's the last of his species, that his blood family is dead, and everything is falling down around him and his found family, King doesn't want to be the monster everyone fears. He just wants to be King and have things go back to normal. Or, HIS version of normal, anyway. It's pretty compelling to show King's growth as comic relief to an actual character by giving him everything he thought he wanted, only to practically refuse it. King is almost a completely different character by Season Two, and it really is for the best. Season One King wasn't too bad, but his Season Two self really gave him the boost he needed.

Raine Whispers: Raine is best defined as a pretty flawless character. At least, in my eyes, they are, as there's not really a bad thing I can say about them.

Upon conception, Raine was nothing more than a love interest to Eda...and that tracks. So much of Raine's development and story occurs when Eda is there, fawning over them and wanting to reconnect. Even their debut episode was more about Eda's issues and how Raine was there to guide her to the right path when it mattered most. They're very much a character severely connected with Eda and never had the chance to star in the spotlight instead of sharing it. A shame, really, since Raine organizing a resistance against Belos could be enough for an episode of its own, but, unfortunately, not the case for a series that got shortened. However, just because Raine's a character connected to Eda, it doesn't make them any less fun or engaging.

First and foremost, you GET why Eda is so in love with Raine. Where Eda is an agent of chaos, Raine is more for CONTROLLED chaos, willing to join Eda to cause some mayhem but in a way where they don't get caught or in trouble. And that's just them as kids. As an adult, Raine wants to destroy a militaristic dictatorship from the inside out, determined to keep the act going and fight literal brainwashing no matter how often they get caught. They're also pretty determined, fighting against Belos infecting Raine's brain and fighting with their last breath when Belos tried to get to the heart of the Titan. Because while Raine was one for chaos as a kid, they're still a good and caring person. Raine didn't want Eda involved so she wouldn't get hurt and MEANT their promise to Luz to make sure nothing bad happened to Eda during their mission on the Day of Unity. But on top of everything else: Raine is a charismatic dork, having enough charm to make Eda the Owl Lady blush but still having the dorkiest smile when announcing their crew's name is "The CATs." Raine is ALL these things, and the result is someone who's a blast to watch, even if they're simply Eda's love interest. They still add enough entertainment and drama, even if some of it, unfortunately, focuses more on the Eda side of things. Would I love more of a spotlight to shine on Raine? Of course. They're an outstanding character who unfortunately got put through the wringer, what with being physically tortured, used as Belos' meat puppet, and MAYBE groomed by Terra Snapdragon (That creepy witch). But when a character's conceived as a love interest, even if there's more to them, you gotta take the good moments when they're badass and awesome and appreciate when they contribute to the story on the sidelines as a supporting character than a leading one. At least they were right there to kill Belos and lived happily ever after, snuggling with Eda. Not too bad for a love interest, huh?

Oh, and Raine's also the first non-binary character in a kid's cartoon with a major influence on the characters and the plot. That's pretty cool too.

The Collector: Here we have a character that turned out WAY better than I imagined. I didn't admit it in the past, but I was a LITTLE worried that the writers would make The Collector like Bill Cypher: A chaotic god-like character who takes pleasure in treating others like his playthings. And The Collector IS that...but there's something that makes them a different yet intriguing character: The Collector's a kid. Yes, he's a kid who turned the Boiling Isles into their playground and the residents into toys, but they’re still a kid.

Upon our introduction of The Collector, we're given this idea that he’s a sick and twisted little gremlin who's just as excited as Belos is about the genocide of the Boiling Isles (which might be an image aided by the fact that it's Belos' memory). But every time we saw them since, the more the writers leaned into the Collector's child-like behavior, showing that the reason why he might be all for Belos' genocide and treat people as literal playthings is that they don't understand what life and death means. He doesn't MEAN to be a problem. It's just that no one has ever taught them otherwise. And that's a more interesting way to go about this character instead of making The Collector a new primary antagonist. It might have worked fine, but when you make a character with god-like powers, it becomes difficult to believe anyone could defeat them. So, the idea to stop The Collector by TEACHING him what's right and wrong before it's too late is a clever way to go about things, especially when it's King that does most of the teaching, using his newfound maturity to teach The Collector what Eda and Luz taught HIM. The result is a new, engaging character that also shows the stellar development of another. Not too bad for someone added to the series at the last minute...Yeah, no, that's what The Collector is, though.

After finding out the series would get shortened, Dana Terrace and the writers thought, "Hey, let's just go NUTS this season!" So, they threw in The Collector as a way to add more spectacle to the final three specials of the show. Sure, the writers had SOME idea of what to do with The Collector beforehand. But after getting the bad news from the executives who decided the series no longer fit the brand, it was the final nail in the coffin to shove The Collector in there. And MAN, there is no better representation of the show's forced conclusion than The Collector, as they're this thing that ALL the characters react to, whether protagonist or antagonist, and are forced to work through their story arcs and character development around within the last few minutes of the show. It's a pretty fun way to look at The Collector, even if he's still a great character despite all they represent. Regardless, I'm still grateful the writers didn't just turn him into the new primary antagonist who killed the old one to show off their threat level...Especially since the old one is REALLY good.

Emperor Belos/Philip Whitebane: "YOU LIKE BELOS MORE THAN WILLOW, GUS, RAINE, AND EVERYONE ELSE?!"

Yes...As a CHARACTER. Not as a PERSON. Because he's NOT a PERSON. He's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

I'm serious. People should stop equating "good character" to "good person," especially in this fandom. You can't talk about how well-written Belos or Odalia are without someone coming around and saying, "THEY'RE AWFUL PEOPLE!" I know that. Most...SHOULD know that. But here's the thing: Belos is an antagonist. A character whose purpose is for the audience to love to hate him. If that's done well, he's a good character. And guess what: Belos does it REALLY well, to the point where he's one of my favorite antagonists in a Disney property. Probably one of my favorite antagonists of all time.

Upon his introduction, Belos scared the crap out of me. From his design to even the way he spoke sent chills up my spine. He didn't even SOUND all that threatening, with a deep and scary voice. He sounded like a dude, but it’s in the way he said things, as if Belos knew what he was saying was messed up. But he didn't care, almost like it was because he thrived on people fearing him. And that was just on his INTRODUCTION. From a few of his future appearances, the writers showed Belos acting MORE horrifying, having disturbing spells unlike anything we've seen before, being aware that SOMETHING is spying on him, and revealing that he has a curse that turns him into a somehow MORE terrifying monster. It was pretty effective in getting me to fear this creepy son of a non-witch...And then "Eclypse Lake" showed us his face, revealing that he not only SOUNDED like an ordinary dude but LOOKED like one too. Sure, he had that weird green mark that went down his face, but so much fear I had of Belos went away when I saw that he looked like someone's grandpa who forgot to wash his face. But as the show went on, the more it made sense to make Belos look like a regular man. Instead of portraying a fantastical evil, the writers went for a more realistic one...with supernatural powers, yes, but consider the villains of OUR world. They're people who look like you and me, using their faces to hide dark intentions and charm their way to a position in leadership. That fits Belos' actions to a T, and you see how perfectly it matches in real life when Luz voices her frustrations that no one can see how evil Belos really is, only for King to tell her that no one wants to realize that they've been following the wrong guy. Do you want to know why members of your family refuse to accept that a LOT of Republicans are evil? It's because they spent years, even generations, believing the opposite. So to tell them the truth, even if they NEED to hear it, they'll refuse any facts given to them. So having Belos be the exact representation of all of that, showing kids what to be wary of, is a great way to educate them to learn that sometimes the most dangerous people in society are those who control it in the first place. Even making him a grotesque monster doesn't really take away from the allusion but adds to it, letting Belos' true, inner self take physical form and showing kids what happens to these monsters when you're too late to stop them.

And that's not even getting into the motivations! I didn't feel TOO shocked when it was revealed that Belos was Philip Wittebane. Don't get me wrong, I was still a LITTLE shocked, but I predicted it and expected that Belos' big plan was to return to the Human Realm in some way, but that left some holes into why he spent so much time controlling the Boiling Isles to do it...And then it was revealed that Belos was a WITCH HUNTER. And I'll never forget the dread I felt when I realized, "Oh, they're doing THIS. Oh, no..." The level of fear that I once had for Belos skyrocketed once his real plan became clear and how INTENSELY close he was to reach his ultimate goal.

The scariest part of all is how believable it is. Given how real-world politicians are willing to wipe out an entire group of individuals just for existing, someone like Belos isn't too far of a stretch. Neither is how he came to be the monster that he is. Philip was only an orphaned child raised to believe that witches were Satan's spawn set to destroy everything. And one witch "stole" his brother, the only family Philip had left, and left him feeling like his rage was justified. Except...it's not. It was NEVER justified. Caleb left Philip on his own volition and, when Philip found him again, tried to convince the twit that Evelyn was fine. Philip could have easily taken his brother's word for it and changed. Philip would later have YEARS, possibly CENTURIES, to learn that he was wrong, but he never did. The conditioning was put too deep into his brain, and Belos was the result. I wouldn't say that makes him a tragic character, but it DOES explain so much about why he acts the way he does.

The best part about Belos is that he's consistent. Because of his conditioning, he never once wavers his opinions or questions if what he's doing is wrong. Belos considers himself the hero of his story and views Caleb and Luz as tragic losses. When met with the LITERAL GHOSTS of his sins, Belos yells at, or flat out ignores, them, proclaiming that he was doing the right thing and it's not HIS fault that their souls were too far gone. And with Luz, Belos tried to kill her on three separate occasions, actually succeeding the third time around. And when backed into a corner, realizing he's as good as dead, does Belos ask for surrender? Does he beg for forgiveness? NOPE! He initially tries to manipulate Luz, attempting to take advantage of her good nature into thinking he's good now. And, when THAT instantly fails, Belos yells at Luz, saying she's betraying her humanity and is nothing more than the very evil he spent his whole life fighting against. Luz doesn't buy a word of ANY of it, least of all when he says they're better than this petty revenge and killing out of a twisted form of justice. Even though that's exactly what he's been doing all his life.

Evil to the end, Belos is an antagonist that works because of how perfectly diabolical and realistically despicable the writers made him, making him interesting to dissect while having it feel so cathartic to watch him get stomped to death by the very people he hated. I could honestly go on and on about what makes Belos so engaging to watch and easy to hate...but this gosh dang review is long enough already, and I haven't even gotten to my top five favorite characters yet!

Speaking of which, let's talk about the ONE good thing Belos did with his life...After we talk about Amity.

Amity Blight: How's THAT for a smooth transition?

Anyways, Amity's great because with nearly every new appearance she's made, she becomes a better character, and I mean that in two ways. For one, she becomes more intriguing as we learn about her home life, interests, and motivations, all three being connected in some capacity. Everything that Amity did, she did because her parents (her Mom, mostly) told her to do it. Ending her friendship with Willow, forcing her to be friends with Boscha and her mean girl squad, be the best of her class no matter what, and join the coven that she slowly doesn't want to join anymore. These are all the things Amity was forced to do, and had no choice to do it.She had almost no free will, but that doesn't mean she couldn't rebel in the tiniest ways. She took time out of her day to read to kids and used the cover of it being extra credit to keep doing it. She has a secret room with a collection of Azura books to enjoy a fantasy series, idolizes the purest hero, and has some creative freedom if that fan art on her diary's cover is anything to go by. Even her bullying has SOME ways of cheating. Amity may have said that Willow had no talent, but it was an attempt to get Boscha and the others to stop while covering her tracks so they won't tell anyone she went soft on Willow. And in "I Was A Teenage Abomination," some of Amity's words almost sound encouraging. There's a mocking tone to a lot of it, but the subtlety of her going "keep it up" is still there. Sure, Amity would later have a rage later regarding Willow and Luz’s cheating, but even that is more or less justified. They broke the rules, and, knowing how Odalia reacts to failure, Amity is NOT willing to let go of her "Top Student" badge without a fight. Maybe I'm stretching, and maybe I'm looking deep into things that aren't there. But it's the same thing I do with Alador: When presented with new information about a character, it's a collaborative effort to look at what came before and figure out how it works. And I think there's enough to Amity's actions in the past that are justified by her motivations yet still have a bit of her good side shining through. Which is good because that brings me to the OTHER reason why Amity gets better with each episode.

Piece by piece, bit by bit, Amity becomes a better person after learning a new and valued lesson by the end of every episode. And unlike a blonde-haired character I hate from that frog show, Amity has a clear and definite desire to become a better person. The writers SMARTLY confirm early on that Amity doesn't want to be cruel. She specifically can't show weakness, so she builds walls to hide away her good side, believing that part of herself is weak. But through Luz, the best thing that ever happened to Amity, all those walls come crumbling down, and the Amity SHE wants to become would soon blossom. She's less reserved, more open about feelings, smiles instead of sneers, and acts nicer to Luz and others around her. There's still some anger, annoyance, and the occasional snark, but it was nowhere near as bad as how Amity USED to act. And through each wall that falls gives Amity courage to stand up to her parents and finally become her own person, to the point of dying her hair to reflect the kind of person she wants to be. By a quarter of the way through Season Two, Amity finally gains an identity that reflects what she always had hidden underneath. And it's satisfying...And then writers made her Luz's girlfriend.

Yeah, this is a complaint you'll often see floating around. The second Amity and Luz start dating, a lot of her individuality tends to trickle away, with most of Amity’s problems being related to or overshadowed by Luz's. Just look at "Reaching Out," which has Amity dealing with her issues of Alador's neglect and wanting to form SOME connection with him. But it's barely touched upon due to the real meat of the episode being Luz using the event as a distraction towards her own issues, which I remember more regarding that episode than anything Amity went through. And things get worse by Season Three, where almost every character has something to go through or a chance to highlight their grief, and Amity is...just kind of there, being looped in with supporting her girlfriend and dealing with an ex-friend instead of dealing with her own problems.

It definitely sucks that after all that fighting that Amity went through to gain independence and discover her true self, only to be sidelined once she gets it. But I will say that while Amity is forced into being categorized as Luz's girlfriend, that role still highlights Amity's development. She acts warm, kind, and, most of all, understanding towards Luz and her issues, the same way Luz acted towards Amity, proving she can give as much as she can take. It's not how I wanted things to turn out, but hey. At least Amity got a complete character arc before being pushed to the side. That's WAY more than what I can say about Gus and Willow, the characters introduced to us as Luz's best friends. Guess a girlfriend takes more of a priority.

But that's enough about the fandom's favorite white girl. Let's NOW talk about the fandom's favorite white boy AND the writer's favorite punching bag.

Hunter: In all seriousness, Hunter feels like a character where the writers went, "Hey, remember Amity? Let's just...f**king do THAT again. But BETTER."

And they did! Hunter pretty much has the same journey that Amity did as a character, but with all the strengths and NONE of the weaknesses. Upon his introduction, you think he's a charismatic yet evil little brat who doesn't value the lives of others with how quickly he threatened to kill Luz, Eda, and King. But, just like with Amity, the more we learn about Hunter, the more we realize why he WOULD act the way he did and even why he SHOULD.

Hunter is the supposed "nephew" of Emperor Belos, a man who hates failure to the point where he's ready to kill after you let him down ONCE, and you don't want to push his limits too many times. Hunter knows AND fears this fact, so he learns to hold his tongue when possible so as not to gain another injury during one of Belos' temper tantrums. So, Hunter does what he's told, acts carelessly toward others beneath him, and constantly tries to prove himself as a valued soldier instead of acting as a teenager. The poor boy has his own set of walls built up, and instead of letting the cracks grow, he often tries to patch them as quickly as possible because he fears Belos WAY more than Amity fears her parents. And rightfully so, because Belos would absolutely kill Hunter if he betrayed him. He's done it before.

Hunter being a Grimwalker shouldn't surprise me, as the pieces were there and...not really subtly hidden. Yet that doesn't change how horrifying it makes Hunter's situation. It's one thing to fear being replaced by a better soldier in his ranks or something. The fact that Belos can and will attempt to make a better, more efficient clone of Hunter and kill him if needed...makes Hunter digging his own grave in "Eclypse Lake" more fitting than we realized. It makes him not only replaceable but disposable, with that newly acquired knowledge making Hunter shatter, having a panic attack as it hits him all at once that his fears are more than justified. The worst part is that Hunter spent YEARS with that monster, never standing up because he couldn't do it as easily as Amity did to her parents. She can always run away, hide out in someone else's home to escape a mother who probably doesn't even want her. There's NOWHERE Hunter could go that could keep him away from Belos for long, what with him being the Emperor and Hunter having little to no friends. Thankfully, the ones he had did a lot of work.

Luz, Amity, Willow, Gus, and ESPECIALLY Flapjack all helped to give Hunter a better life. Luz offered perspective, showing Hunter that there's more to life than being told how to live it and that the authority figure he listens to isn't perfect. Amity represents evidence, showing Hunter that if you let good people in your life, they will help you with what tortures you. Willow gave companionship through herself AND a group of people that made Hunter genuinely smile for what must have been the first time in his life. Gus then offered comfort, showing Hunter how to calm his anxieties and fears he'll continue to have. And the one to provide all of these things is Flapjack, who gives Hunter perspective, evidence, companionship, and comfort through his own actions and dragging Hunter to people who could offer more. This gave Hunter a support group of individuals that slowly but surely gave him the desire to be the person he wanted to be and gain an identity. Sure, Hunter would build his walls back up each time they tore them down. But there were always cracks that made it easier to convince him what was the right thing to do for others AND himself. And it all gave him the courage to finally stand up to Belos, who saw Hunter as nothing more than a meat puppet, metaphorically and literally.

Hunter's journey does share a lot of similarities with Amity's. I will admit to that. But where she's later demoted as a character defined by a relationship, Hunter is a character that grew because of the support system he gained and was allowed to keep a sense of identity after his friends brought out his good side. They're the ones who guided him down his path, but what Hunter chose to do after was all his own. Plus, it feels SO GOOD to see that after Hunter's grief and knowing how many others before him died tragically to Belos, he gets his happily ever after. Hunter has a home life that's healthy, friends to support him, a girlfriend to LOVE him, and a chance to genuinely smile every day. He LIVED. He SURVIVED. And that must feel inspiring to those who feel there's no escape from the tragedy of their own lives. I love Amity's journey, but Hunter's definitely better and more impactful in ways you won't believe.

And he'd be the best character in the show...if it weren't the fact that I love three more. At this point, you can probably tell who they are, so let's get started with the fandom's favorite MILF.

Eda Clawthorne: I swear that Eda being hot isn't the reason she's in my top three...Maybe.

But for real, Eda is the only character on this list where if the show was about HER...I would watch it. There is SO MUCH about Eda that makes her a blast to see and a lot to dissect that makes her engaging as she is entertaining.

When regarding her personality/character traits, Eda is an instant gem. She's a con artist, frequently driven by greed, has NO problems breaking the laws, and is more than willing to beat up anyone who messes with the kids she's grown attached to. Now many, myself included, have pointed out that Eda's character shares similarities to Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls. And...yeah, there's definitely a lot to compare, but there's much more to contrast to help make Eda stand out more as a character. For instance, while Stan one hundred percent loves Dipper and Mabel, Eda still feels warmer towards Luz and King. She may show some annoyance at Luz's enthusiasm or playfully mock King believing he's the most dangerous creature alive, but when it matters most, Eda's there for her kids. To protect, counsel, and sometimes cry over them when situations seem dire. Though she'd probably hate to admit it, Eda has a good heart and one that isn't buried after years of emotional baggage (don't worry, we'll get into that). And she doesn't need much bonding experience to help bring that goodness inside her. When Eda saw a little creature alone in a dangerous environment, Eda took it in and raised it as her own. When seeing a young girl with the same amount of spirit as Eda did when she was younger, Eda decided to accept that young girl's offer and teach her the best she knew. Eda was a caring mother figure to King and Luz when they needed her. As for being a teacher...she could have been better, what with barely teaching Luz anything. Still, she tried, and that's primarily in part because of her own love of magic.

Eda may be a criminal striving to get rich, but those two things aren't mutually inclusive like it is for Grunkle Stan. Eda's a criminal because she disagrees with this close-minded rule that witches should be in a coven, doing one kind of magic for the rest of their lives, except for a small group of elite soldiers picked out by the Emperor himself. Anyone with half a brain can see the flaws of this, and Eda was one of them, breaking the law for years because Eda couldn't help but see how it never made sense. So, she never joined a coven, something considered a major offense against Belos' rule, with Eda being considered a wild witch by her community. And the woman RELISHED that idea. Due to not joining a coven, Eda was allowed to do any type of magic she wanted without being in a stuffy uniform and listening to the vague lies of an evil emperor. It left her with a bit of an ego boost, claiming that she's the most powerful witch on the Isles, but at least Eda gets to do what she loves. Even as a kid, Eda had a PASSION for magic, wanting to learn as much as she could and knowing more than Lilith, a character proven more studious than Eda. It's why you can buy Eda being the better witch than Lilith, because while Lilith can understand the technique, Eda has a better grasp of how good it feels to do magic. After all, she loves doing it in a variety of ways. Even her being a new headmaster of a magic college makes a lot of sense. She may not have been the best teacher for Luz, but they were both dealing with a form of magic that neither really knew much about. The only time their teaching clicked was that moment when Luz had natural magic, and Eda could finally offer advice she KNEW would work. Natural magic is what she understands and has a greater passion for, and teaching "wild magic" to the new generation, giving them something she always wanted and a chance to learn further, makes all the more sense when you take the time to think about it. It's a side of Eda that I don't think fans talk about much. A shame, really. It's an interesting part of her that's worth sharing and deserves to have more attention drawn to it. The show certainly didn't...Though, to be fair, there was one last aspect of Eda's character that's, admittedly, more engaging.

Eda's past, from her family to her ex and to her curse, is a subject that follows Eda throughout her life whether she likes it or not. One way or another, something keeps crashing back into her life, and the results lead Eda into an emotional rollercoaster that ends in tears or violence. Some healing comes from it, but the tears and violence are still prominent. Her fights with Lilith, turning into a rage monster due to her mother's meddling, losing Raine, and her father wanting to talk are all emotional situations with Eda and the tattered relationships she had over the years. The hurtful part is how it all leads back to her curse, one way or another. I'll talk more about Eda's journey with her curse and the allusion it represents in future parts, but I'll still say that so much of Eda's pain, her drama, became prominent because of something Lilith did and how Eda reacted to it. She always ran away or denied there was a problem in the first place, making a horrible situation even worse as it left her burning bridges she'll want to rebuild later. And the worst part is that this is something Eda struggles with the most.

Despite all her pain and trauma, Eda tries to cover it up with jokes and a cocky smile or anger and determination. When the curse started overtaking her in “Agony of a Witch,” she looked at Luz with a smile to make things light, but the fear in her eyes betrayed everything. When losing Raine to Darius and Eberwolf, she choked back her tears and forced herself to focus on anything else. Because to her, it's better to deny how hard you're hurting than face it. She'll voice her worries from time to time but often hides just how strong those emotions are for her. And she definitely doesn't want to relive emotional memories due to how hard it was keeping things together the first time. The only time when Eda tends to embrace her inner turmoil is when things are so intense that she can't help but cry and voice how scared/worried she is. It weirdly makes sense that the only thing that could make Eda finally open up is facing the end of the world where it's not just HER who's in danger but the people she loves too. Because above all else, while she may hate to show it, Eda is a softie to the ones she cares about, especially Luz and King. The three of them have gone on so many adventures together and faced so much danger that you can understand why it's almost always them that brings Eda to tears. Luz's attempt at a goodbye in "Young Blood, Old Souls," King's adoption in "Eda's Requiem," knowing how deep in trouble Luz is in "Edge of the World," and finally revealing that there's no plan in "O' Titan, Where Art Thou." Those kids mean the world to her, as she would be nothing without King and Luz giving her purpose, love, and a healing heart...Which makes it weirder how little Eda got to do in Season Three.

Yeah, a lot of characters got the short end of the stick in Season Three, even members of the main cast like Amity and Gus. While most got some narrative or development, others got forced into the supporting role to help those more important characters. But for Eda, it feels weird because she's part of the main trio. Nearly every poster and promotional material featured Luz, King, and Eda. Nearly every episode featured Luz, King, AND Eda. And every version of the show pitched, even if they didn't look the same, it was always Luz, King, AND EDA. So to have a season where she takes a narrative backseat while Luz and King have more relevance to the story feels off. Although, to be fair, it's not like there was much to be done with Eda. Pretty much every narrative she had got wrapped up with Season Two. She's accepted the curse as a part of her, made peace with her family, and reunited with Raine (even if they didn't seal that deal with a kiss). It's almost as if the writers knew they wouldn't have a chance to explore Eda further with a shortened season, so they completed every arc they could with her in the remaining time they had left. So I can see why they didn't do much with her because what else could they have done? But it doesn't stop how weird it is that Eda could have easily been written out of the season if not for the fact that she's part of the main trio, and it'd be even WEIRDER to have a final season without her. Because, truth be told, the series wouldn't be the same without Eda.

Eda offers humor, heart, and tragedy to The Owl House. Her past, trauma, relationships, and love make for someone that deserves main trio status. Probably even main character status too. I would love to see more of her with how much intrigue Eda has, even if a lot of it is done already. Would I want to watch a spin-off of her as a teen? Probably not. But I wouldn't mind seeing more adventures this wild witch would get into.

Also, I'll say this much about her: There's a consensus in the fandom that Eda is the best mom in the show. And while she certainly is a great mother like no other...there's someone we ALL know, deep down, deserves the title for Best Cartoon Mom.

Camila Noceda: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I have been waiting for this one...

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I am incredibly biased towards Camila. Upon her introduction, I always thought she was neat as a mother who truly cares about Luz, her interests, and her wonderfully creative mind. She said so within the premier. And even when sending Luz away, all Camila tried to do was look to the bright side and convince Luz that her summer won't be as miserable as she might predict it to be. Camila could tell that going to Reality Check Camp was the last thing Luz wanted to do, so Camila tried her best to make it seem like a fun time despite how down it made Luz feel. It shows that while she may not be a perfect mom for sending her daughter away, Camila is still caring enough towards Luz, and she wants her to be happy despite encouraging a decision Luz wouldn't like. I considered that a fascinating angle towards a mother like Camila, providing a reason for Luz wanting to leave but never out of malice. I liked it...But a quantifiable portion of the fandom did NOT, with too many people claiming Camila was an awful mother who hated her daughter. Camila had maybe a minute, maybe TWO minutes, of screentime, and that's somehow the interpretation people made. I wouldn't say I'm the best at analyzing and interpreting characters, which is a crazy thing to bring up THIS FAR into my longest review yet. Still, even I have to say that people's interpretation of Camila was a MAJOR reach. Like...how do you look at a woman who explicitly states she loves her daughter, gives her multiple kisses goodbye, and you immediately go, "Oh, she HATES Luz." How do you do that? And how do you claim she's a worse mom than Odalia? Yeah, that was a thing! People genuinely would defend Odalia for being a good mom with their last breath and then turn around to s**t on Camila. Even after finally meeting Odalia and seeing how bad SHE was, people still somehow considered Camila worse. I never understood how it got out of hand, and I'm convinced the writers somehow picked up on all this overreacting and decided to make Camila better with every single appearance she made soon after.

From that premier, I already gathered this idea that Camila was a flawed but caring mother trying her best despite mistakes. By "Yesterday's Lie," I was convinced she was the best mom Luz could ask for, even if powerful emotions caused Camila to make mistakes. When Vee acts like the "perfect daughter," you can see, on Camila's face, how Camila noticed something was off and how much she didn't like it. To her, "Luz" was throwing away everything that made her Luz, and Camila didn't WANT that, made even more evident by bringing all of Luz's stuff back in after Vee tried throwing them away. Then when the real Luz "calls" Camila, acting like her true self again, Camila seems ecstatic and is willing to play along with what she assumes is a weird game because she's so happy to see Luz be herself again. Through these small moments, you understand more how much Camila cares for her daughter, despite sending Luz to a camp to teach her to fit in better. It was an action done out of love, not malice. Camila couldn't be FARTHER from a bad person, as proven by how she reacts toward Vee. There may have been initial fear of finding out what Vee really was, but through some coaxing from Luz, all Camila can see is a poor girl locked in a cage and needing help. It's there that you understand where Luz got her kindness from. Because even though everything is going beyond Camila's comfort zone, the woman's still willing to kick a flat-Earther's ass to protect Vee. She's kind and warm to the people she cares about and violent to the ones that hurt them. Like mother, like daughter. But Camila isn't all too perfect. As the events finally come crashing down on her at once, she feels ALL the emotions as she has this breakdown. There's fear that Luz is stuck in a demon realm, anger knowing she WILLINGLY went there, and despair at the idea that Camila might never see Luz again. All of this leads to Camila BEGGING Luz to promise to come back, with Luz interpreting her words as "stay here and NEVER return to that awful place." This caused Luz to be fearful for the future, and more fans hyper-focussing on the negatives instead of the positives. They saw a mother telling her daughter to abandon everything that made her happy when anyone with a single functioning brain cell can tell you that it's just Camila being worried about Luz and not fully grasping the whole story. She knows Luz had SOME fun in the Boiling Isles, but Camila's strong emotions at the moment caused her to fail to understand why Luz loves it. Or, at least, misconstrue the facts, thinking it was just Luz living out a fantasy, the same thing Camila sent Luz to summer camp for. It might seem weird that Camila also focuses on the negatives instead of the positives, but in fairness to Camila, the woman went through the worst thing any mother can go through: Losing contact with her child for who knows how long. I can't blame her for her judgment being clouded by everything she's going through. Still, fans clung to the negatives, too...So it's good Season Three shut them all up for good.

Season Three might as well be the season of Camila, because of all the things Season Three did right, diving deep into Camila's character is one of them. Where her first two appearances showed how much of a caring mother she can be, Season Three took it up to TEN notches. She took so many children into her home when they had nowhere else to go, stayed up late to figure out how to get them everything they could need for a happy life, acted nurturing when they had a tough time, chose violence for someone even saying ANYTHING mean about her baby, and dove head first into a dirty graveyard pond to save a child. Camila earned the title "Mother of the Year.” And she wasn't even trying. But while the season shows how kind, nurturing, and even badass Camila can be, it also had her face some mistakes. Camila wasn't bad for sending Luz away or asking her to stay home. She's a single mother who lost her husband, who probably connected to their daughter in better ways and left Camila to do everything alone. She wanted to be the best possible mom but second-guessed every decision and was unsure if she was doing the right thing. So I like that most of this season is about her trying to LEARN from these unintended mistakes, asking for advice from Luz's friends, and finally sharing with Luz the mistakes Camila made and how she now comes to regret them. What's even better is that Camila tries her best to understand Luz's world. A lot of it scares Camila and makes her uncomfortable, even years after being aware of the Isles in the epilogue, but she still puts in the effort to TRY. It's because Camila loves Luz and wants to be a part of every aspect of her life. Camila may struggle, but she still wants to try. And THAT'S what makes her the best mom.

Camila is warm, loving, and just so much fun to see. She isn't perfect, but instead of denying those imperfections, Camila chooses to confront them and TRIES to better herself. It's evidence that not every parent gets the assignment as they receive it, but they're not instantly failures because of it. Yes, there are horrible parents who refuse to change, but I like that the show teaches kids that there are those who care enough to do better. That's what Camila is, and I love the hell out of her for it.

But do you want to know her GREATEST achievement? She gave birth to the best character in the show…

Luz Noceda: Luz Noceda. Luz fickin' Noceda. A character so good that I made an entire post discussing how she's a fan-frickin'-tastic character. And even then, it felt like I barely scratched the surface of what makes her so good. I mean, how can you accurately explain everything that you love about your favorite protagonist ever? Better yet, how can you summarize it for a review that's gone long enough already? Well, I'm at least going to try...Emphasis on try.

Luz is a character that won me over instantly. The happy, goofy character is always fun for me as I think they're perfect for humor and endearing entertainment. That's Luz to a T, as her antics and attitude towards so many things cause me to smile to no fail. How can I not when she has a kind smile as a snake bites off her doll's head or when she has an argument with her hands? Luz is almost always a delight, but what's interesting about her is that while she's primarily happy and fun-loving, that doesn't make her naive or stupid. Luz has a good sense of maturity, even before her angst arc (Yeah, we'll get to that). In "Covention," I was impressed by her response to Eda's disdain about joining a coven. Luz made it clear that she understands Eda's outlook but wants to go and make her OWN decision. In fact, Luz is mature enough not to follow ALL of Eda's orders. There are times when Luz DEFINITELY should, but I like how the writers gives her enough emotional intelligence NOT to listen to ALL of Eda's wild and free ideas of anarchy. She has enough emotional intelligence to know what's right and wrong at times but is still young enough to learn more when put in danger at a time she really SHOULD have listened to Eda. Luz IS a teen, after all. She wouldn't have all the answers.

But now that we're talking about her intelligence, that's probably an aspect of Luz that's looked over the most. Because Luz is smart, and that shouldn't be an argument. It should be a fact. The girl endlessly worked on glyphs until getting them right, often having scraps of paper lying around her after past experiments. And not only is she studious, but Luz is also crafty at any moment. Some of my favorite scenes with Luz are ones where she comes up with a great plan on the spot, like how she thought up a way to brand Belos as he was killing her. It makes sense the girl wanted to try out for theater because her improvisation is on POINT. And she has the power to back it up. I said in that character analysis that Luz is powerful but not TOO powerful. My good buddy @l-egionare pointed out how I misjudged how powerful Luz CAN be, given how a single plant glyph made that big tree in "Enchanting Grom Fright" and how she wiped the floor with Emperor's Coven members and Conformitorium guards. She certainly has the power. I highlighted her intelligence more because I love characters who win fights by outthinking their opponents rather than overpowering them. The truth is, Luz, CAN do some epic stuff. She's just not AS powerful as Eda and Lilith were at their best, due to Luz having limitations to her glyphs and how she sometimes casts them. Luz can be invisible but only for as long as she holds her breath, and the strength behind her glyph depends on how much she uses and how big they are. She can do great stuff, even with very little, but nothing TOO grand until the Titan gave Luz that power boost in the finale (which I didn’t initially want, but DAMN amI not complaining). Besides, as cool as Luz CAN be, and how underappreciated that part of her is, it’s not her best feature.

I think we can all agree that the best thing about Luz Noceda is her kindness. She’s not naive enough to believe that there’s goodness deep down inside everyone. Her kindness has limits and it says something that Luz’s first instinct upon finally meeting Belos for the first time is to go for the head. While she will help others that need it, Luz will still take the violent route if you mess with those she loves. Speaking of, do you remember your favorite characters? You know all that development and growth they all went through? Do you know who’s responsible for ALL of that? Luz, that’s who. She helped reconnect Eda with her family, led King to gaining a sense of identity, helped Willow blossom into becoming more confident, indirectly helped Gus make new friends, and helped Lilith, Hunter, and ESPECIALLY Amity become their truer, better selves. They wouldn’t be who they are now without Luz, as every person she made a connection with had their lives changed for the better. And the crazy thing is that’s…not entirely mutual. Another great point my buddy @l-egionare made is that Luz’s life wasn’t doomed for the worst, and his argument has legs. Luz could have made friends like Vee did at summer camp or befriended those two kids in “Thanks to Them” who seemed to love Luz’s brand of weirdness. After high school, Luz could have also gone on to be a writer, sharing her love of fantasy to the world. Heck, she might even fall in love with someone else one day, like with a horror nerd that loves gore and doughnuts…Just spitballing ideas here. The point is that while Luz’s friends on the Boiling Isles ABSOLUTELY need her for a happier life, she doesn’t necessarily need THEM. It’s an interesting interpretation to think about that makes Luz even BETTER. She’s a protagonist that leads others to their change and growth, which is a primary directive for most protagonists. Not only should THEY grow and change throughout the story, but they should lead the rest of the cast to do the same. It gives importance to the main character, showing just how much they’re needed for the world and the people in it…Which is why it pains Luz to find out she’s indirectly responsible for some strife too.

Like most plucky protagonists, Luz goes through an angst phase, mirroring how the show started off as light-hearted only to become darker as time went by. Luz’s angst, in particular, started in “Young Blood, Old Souls,” where a bit of Luz’s wackiness remained, but she still slowly got more serious as Season Two continued. By the time we reached “Hollow Mind,” an episode that forces Luz to realize she accidentally helped BELOS, most of Luz’s silliness and optimism became fizzled out, with damn near all of it being gone by Season Three. This is due to her seeing what Belos almost accomplished and the damage that The Collector was already capable of. Luz was accidentally and unintentionally the cause of these issues, and it broke her for reasons that ARE understandable…but they’re not justifiable. You DO get why Luz blames herself for everything that happened. She prides herself on her kindness and helping others, with the idea of being a burden crushing Luz in “Separate Tides.” So, to find out that she’s accidentally responsible for Belos, it hurts her because it makes her believe she’s a burden to EVERYONE, to the point where she believes that the Boiling Isles would be better off without her. Even though we LITERALLY just established how that’s false. There are some haters and idiots out there who do like to point out how none of Luz’s friends wouldn’t have had any strife if she never came to the Isles. Except…No. They absolutely would have. I mean, do you SERIOUSLY think Belos wouldn’t have tricked anyone else? The man pulled off a genocidal scam for DECADES. He could have easily tricked somebody else to do his dirty work for a few minutes.

“But he was driven out of too many towns! No one would trust him!”

Which is why he made a false identity to fix that problem. For all we know, he could have done it sooner.

“But Luz gave him the light glyph!”

A glyph that did nothing but offer Belos a shortcut to finish a job he was already 99% done with. Besides, he could have learned it on his own or maybe even through The Collector, who already knows that glyphs are the language of the Titans. Belos’ plan would have gone forward no matter WHAT reason you bring up. And what’s weirdly interesting is Luz’s refusal to see it. Yes, Belos could have tricked ANYBODY, but it’s still LUZ that he tricked. That guilt eats away at her and I’m kind of glad it’s not entirely resolved by the series finale. Don’t get me wrong, I want my favorite character to live the happiest life imaginable, but there’s a sense of realism that, even though she killed Belos, there’s still a bit of guilt. It’s hinted that it sticks with her years later, as she missed birthdays just so she could help rebuild the Isles. Although, that doesn’t stop Luz from living her life. She still hangs out with friends, joins her school’s softball/baseball team, and goes out with her family. Luz’s guilt is a lot like that scar above her eye. It’ll be small and hardly noticeable on some days, but it’ll still be there, as a reminder that life isn’t a fantasy.

It’s pretty ironic that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Everytime Luz tries to apply her favorite book series or pop culture to a problem she and her friends face, it always goes wrong. Within the second episode of the series, Luz learns quickly that she’s not some chosen one predestined for greatness…I mean, she kind of is, but not in a way most fantasy stories tend to play it. Luz quickly learns that her coming to the Boiling Isles was an accident, and that the environment she’s forced to adjust to isn’t as pretty as it is in her books. Things are difficult and solutions are complicated with there being no easy answers. Luz learns this throughout her adventures and grows to understand that being a witch like Azura isn’t simple. Luz even goes through a sort of identity crisis, now realizing that her dream to be a witch was always a little too vague and that she has no idea what she wants in life after the adventure’s over. It’s a compelling aspect to her character to have Luz realize that she’s not your average protagonist. So many of us want to be the main character of the world’s story, when we should realize that job would be extraordinarily difficult. Luz learned that the hard way after experiencing pain, suffering, and literal death that will haunt her nightmares for life. I wouldn’t call Luz a cautionary tale of what happens when you continue to live in a fantasy. That’s more like Marcy from Amphbia. Instead, I’d say Luz is more of a representation of a character understanding the cruelness of reality, but through a fantasy setting. We all learn best through the things that interest us, and Luz is no different. And that’s one of the MANY reasons to love her.

I could go on and on about how much I adore Luz alone. And probably would if this thing wasn’t THIRTY-THREE PAGES LONG! And you can’t blame me. She’s my favorite protagonist in anything, and is definitely up there as one of my favorite fictional characters. There might be problems with her character, but I’m more than willing to overlook them because of how much I enjoy Luz and the journey she went on. She is flawless in my eyes, and I will never look at her in a negative light no matter who tries to make me.

And that’s it. That’s EVERY IMPORTANT CHARACTER in The Owl House…My goodness.

As you can probably tell, there’s a LOT of characters here. One could argue too many, as it becomes evident that a few of them could be better if the show had more time to let some of them grow. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where The Owl House had three full seasons and all the time in the world to let all its characters blossom into their beautiful selves. But with that said, there aren’t any characters in the show that I’m willing to call bad.

Okay, Tibbles is still inadequate, but he’s still not the worst. None of them are. If any character is lower than the other, it’s due to them being unable to compare to the rest of the show’s standard. Because The Owl House managed to have an expansive cast of lovable, endearing, and complex characters, with a lot of them worth a deep-dive analysis of their own. I can’t get enough of them and they will stick with me for a while.

But as great as these characters are…how well do they work TOGETHER?

Tune into part two, and I might just tell you.

Next part

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